#I think it’s somehow in line with the unspoken rules of their dynamic | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

b4mpyre-k1zz3s · 10 months ago

Note

HEYY girl 💗 could I req a bam x fem reader where they’re enemies to lovers becuase y/n is just as reckless as he is?? Thank you 🫶

The Stuntgirl Rule

Bam breaks the one rule the crew all agreed on when they first added a girl to the group, which wouldn’t be as big of a deal if they didn’t hate each other. All this animosity builds and builds until Y/N finally figures out how to knock Bam down a peg.

Bam Margera X Fem!Reader

(Fluff, Angst)

3.8k Words

Warnings: Extremely suggestive content, enemies to lovers, crude language, blood, snakes, misogyny, Madonna-Whore complex, injuries, hospitals, flirting, slut shaming, situationships

An: Thank you so much for the request!! I’ve come to find out I really do love writing for enemies to lovers pairings :) More than that, I got to do a lot of research for this fic with psychological complexes, especially (as the tags indicate) the Madonna-Whore complex!! If you can’t tell by now, I’m a bit of a nerd when it comes to writing XD I also experimented with making Bam a bit of an unreliable narrator in this one to wort of show his thought process better. I’ve been told my writing takes the asshole out of him but I’m pretty sure this fic put it right back in, so be warned! If you want an idea of the dynamic I was going for, the dynamic betwen Bam and Y/N reminded me a lot of this clip from the 2016 revival of the musical, Falsettos! Ah, my theater kid past…But thank you for the request and please keep sending more!!

Kneeling on the grass, you sat eye to eye with the King Cobra you somehow got a permit to film with. The whole “Kiss of Death” stunt got shuffled around to a couple of the other guys before it landed on you but hell, you couldn’t complain- dangerous shit was kinda your thing, and otherwise the next person in line would’ve been Bam and you knew exactly how that would turn out- the yelling, the laughing, the storming off set. All the guys stood around, looming over you with bated breaths as you slowly leaned over the snake, the hot Florida sun beating down on your skin as the air swam with anticipation. But as you were creeping in, right before your lips made contact with the Cobra’s forehead, the thing lunged at your neck. Everybody hooted and hollered as you grabbed the snake and lurched back in an act of quick reflexes, chuckling in surprise, but before you could crack some wise ass joke, your cockiness betrayed you and that smug grin on your face was wiped right off your face when you felt a pair of fangs sink into your wrist. “Agh! Fuck…” Yanking your hand back, you shook out the sting as you stumbled to your feet. Steve, who was serving as impromptu cameraman after Rick ‘refused any part in your dangerous bullshit’, focused the lense in on the blood that was tricking from your arm, “Shit…that’s gnarly, dude.” Though you probably should have been concerned for yourself, you couldn’t stop thinking about how awesome it looked as Johnny patted you on the back appreciatively, “That was great, Y/N!”

As you were getting walked to the medic tent, the only one who didn’t want any part in your little victory parade was Bam, still sitting half slumped back on set, glaring at you as you walked away. Big whoop, girl gets bit by snake. Last week he got on a teeter totter in the bullpen and you don’t see that on any headlines. Maybe he hated the way the guys talked and joked with you like you were one of them even though you joined the Jackass cast less than a month ago. On the other hand, maybe he was still pissed off by the very real but entirely unspoken ‘Don’t Fuck the Stuntgirl’ rule. Of course Bam brought that sorta thing up when you first joined because he’ll there’s a lot you can do once you’ve got a chick in your group, but Johnny quickly shut the idea now by saying since they wouldn’t screw any of the other guys in the crew, they’d be keeping their hands off of you. Keeps things from getting awkward when you gotta see eachother on Monday, you know? But since Bam’s running theory of you only having gotten on set after getting into Knoxville’s pants hadn’t been disproven, he wrote it off as him making the whole thing up to keep the pretty girl all to himself. Greedy asshole. Who was he to say what he could and couldn’t stick his dick into? God, he bet the whole crew was passing you around- behind trailers, in empty hotel rooms, or what about those porta-potties on set…Bam decided to stop thinking about that once some things got stirred in his mind he didn’t really want to think about too long.

Getting bandaged up in the medic tent, you hardly noticed when Bam walked in after everybody left, watching quietly and scanning you up and down from where he stood. He looked from the bruises on your knees Bam was sure he knew the source of, to your baggy clothes that always made you look like a guy with the way they sat on your body, to your hair that was unkempt and showed just how little you cared about your appearance in his eyes. You were the exact opposite of Bam’s type in women- that dark lipstick tight bootcut fantasy goth chick with a great ass that also wasn’t a bitch. Looking up from where you were bleeding through your gauze, you made eye contact with him nonchalantly, “What is it?” Bam’s eye twitched at the disinterested tone in your voice but he kept up the whole smug thing, “You cryin’?” The medic had to scoot out of the way as you leaned in towards him and squinted at the realization that Bam was getting that whole ‘hating you’ stick up his ass again. “Does it look like I’m crying?” Part of him wanted to see you cry. Bam’s eyes drifted back to your hair, thinking about how satisfying it would be to grab a handful of it and yank you to your feet with his lips pressed tight against your ear as he said every awful word he was too nice to say to your face- that he knew everything about nasty hoes like you worked, and while it was cute how quickly the guys took to you, he was getting pretty damn sick of it so it was time for you to get the hint and hit the road. But he didn’t.

The medic passed you a container of pills that you palmed and that’s when Bam got an idea, “That snake oughta be on antibiotics instead’a you.” Scoffing at his unoriginal joke, you cocked your head to the side, “Really? You think a little blood’s that nasty? Y’damn baby…” Outside the tent, there was no doubt amongst the guys that another one of your petty fights were starting and nobody was looking forward to it. Well, except you. You found the little bickering thing you had with him fun, especially with all the weak ass insults Bam threw at you. “I mean, anything that comes outta you’s nastier than whatever Steve-O’s got goin’ on in him- that guy’s a disease nest.” This was too easy. “Yeah, says the guy who let him tongue his ass wound...” Wait, you were at that party too- the one where Steve popped ecstasy and went around kissing everyone cause he ‘felt good’? Bam’s jaw clenched at the way you always had an answer to him- how dare you one up him. He jabbed a finger at your chest, “Oh, don’t talk that shit. You wouldn’t even have the balls to get branded in the first place!” Unable to help yourself from cracking a smile, your giddiness was apparent in your voice, “I got more balls than you do.” As much as you hated how much of a little bitch he could be, you always thought the back and forth thing you had between him wasn't ever that serious (a contrast to the way Bam viewed it). Delight filled you as he stormed out of the flap of the white medical tent, blushing and emasculated and- while he would never admit this, kind of turned on by the angry banter like it was some kinda foreplay.

You needed soap. That’s how it started- after shooting one day, you went back to the hotel and noticed halfway through your shower that the room service lady forgot to leave any of those tiny complimentary soaps. Groaning, you got out of the comfortable, warm, sorely needed shower and put on a towel, thinking you could go next door and get some from the guys. It’s not like you hadn’t seen them naked before, so them seeing you in a towel was no big deal. Water dripped off of your legs as you walked out into the hallway, pushing open the door to their room which was left unlocked. From what you could tell, they had gone to the hotel bar promptly after filming, so you didn’t bother to announce your presence as you walked in. However, you had one major oversight in this- Bam, who you didn’t notice from where he was sitting on one of the beds on the near side of the room. Now, you and him could have gone on just hating and fucking with each other and everything would’ve been fine, but this one incident would change it.

From where he sat on the bed, Bam silently watched as you walked around like you owned the place, softly humming to yourself as you rummaged through their shower- through his shower, the towel you wore riding up dangerously high on the backs of your thighs, skin still glistening wet as you bent over, nabbing a few little bottles of shampoo and conditioner. He glared at you with contempt through your reflection in the mirror. You’d probably do this even if the whole crew was here, wouldn’t you? Just stroll on in, nearly naked, parading yourself around in front of all those dudes like it was nothing. Shameless. He knew better than anything what that kinda porno logic setup would devolve into. Wait- christ, was he…? Oh, oh yeah. Yep. Bam couldn’t believe himself- he was actually getting hard. More than that, you had no clue he was there in the first place even as you turned to leave, and you wouldn’t have noticed him at all if he didn’t stand up to catch your attention. “What’re you doin’?” Turning around, you met Bam’s gaze, maybe six inches away from his body as you held up your towel with one hand and presented him your spoils in the other, “I’m getting soap…?” Unceremoniously plucking one of the bottles from your hands, he squinted at you like he was accusing you of something, “So you think y’can just waltz on in here and take my shit whenever you feel like it?”

Looking around at the empty room, you got an idea to really get under his skin. You know how Bam uses his little rich boy MTV paycheck to get whatever he wants? Well your pockets may not be lined as generously but you still found a way. Taking a step forward, you pressed your body right up against his, the same way you saw all those flirty girls do to him at the bar, letting your towel slip down a little as your voice dropped into a teasing coo, trying to provoke him, “Aww, what’s the matter? You don’t like sharing?” While you were referring to the soap, Bam took it as a double entendre and thought there was no way you didn’t mean it in the way he was thinking- what with the way your chest was squished tight against his torso or how you were practically straddling his thigh in, and this is important here, only a towel. In your eyes, this was the same as any other day you were going back and forth on set, but Bam, oh. He could feel the surge of hormones in his bloodstream as his breath caught in his throat, Adam’s apple bobbing slightly. The way your body was curving against his nearly made him forget about why he hated you so much. Snapping back to reality, he couldn't tell if this was anger or lust that made him speechless, but it was probably a mix of the two. Leaning in closer, you pressed your lips close to your ear, his very obvious state of arousal only fueling your teasing as you words fell slow, melodically from your lips as you enunciated, trying to keep yourself from laughing and fucking it all up. “I’m gonna take this soap back to my room, and I am going to rub it over every inch of my wet. Naked. Body- and you are gonna do nothing about it. So, uh…” Reaching out with a grin, you grabbed the bottle back from Bam’s frozen hand. Now, logic would dictate that this is right about when the two of you would say fuck it and start going at eachother, but that’s not what you had in mind. “Thanks!” Slipping out the door and shutting it loudly, you left him standing there- unable to respond, entirely conflicted, and hard. Fuck.

Why was this happening? He was Bam Margera- Bam fucking Margera- he could have hordes of playboy bunnies folowing him arround wherever he want and fawning over him like their lives depended on it, but noooo. He had to fall for the gross chick he worked with. Perfectly fine, well-adjusted (debatable) women literally threw themselves at his feet on a day to day basis, and the one he’s got his eye set on? Yeah, last week she was doing lines of Tabasco sauce with Steve-O off the table at Denny’s cause they got bored waiting for their food. What a catch. He didn’t even want to meet up with the guys to go pick up chicks at the bar anymore- you know, the civilized kind that wore makeup and shoes you couldn’t skateboard in. And you didn’t even want him the way those girls wanted him- you were messing with his head like some succubus. Very quietly, he sat back down in the bed and thought about some things.

Bam was having a hard time letting everything that was happening with you go- that’s not the kind of guy he is, you know? Too many big feelings in a small package gotta go somewhere. So when he showed up on set the next day, hyped up to do that stunt where he was set to get shot by a riot control shotgun wearing nothing but a leather jacket for protection, his emotions were not in any way subdued when he caught word that Knoxville gave the stunt to you. “Dude!” Storming up to confront him, Bam pulled the asshole away from whatever conversation he was having with Jeff, “I mean, seriously? You got Y/N to do the stunt and not me?” Sticking his hands up in a mercy gesture, Johnny stammered but managed to explain himself, “I’m just sayin, man- It’d work better for her! You know- you have your skating stuff, she’s got the dangerous stuff! You could always watch from the sidelines…” Yeah, real nice save there, Knoxville. Bam hated whenever you did stunts- not because he didn’t like that you were equally as reckless as him, no way- it’s just that he thought chicks shouldn’t be doing dangerous shit, and you were always there to throw yourself in harm's way, and that annoyed him. You were standing off to the side, joking around with Chris and Steve when you felt someone suddenly grab your shoulder from behind and roughly spin you around to face him, “You know, I had some fuckin’ ideas about you, Y/N, but this really takes the cake.” Grimacing, you stood eye to eye with Bam, a little too close to his body to be comfortable. “What the hell are you talking about?” Bam took a step back, eyeing you up and down as he got ready to say what had been eating away at him for weeks. His voice was tense as he nearly growled, “You’re fuckin’ Knoxville.” What?

“Wait, I’m fucking Knoxville?” You certainly were not, but your mind put two and two together lightning fast, tracing his train of thought. It was like a switch flipped in you as rage curled up in your stomach, springing out of your mouth in words that dripped with venom, “Oh, please! You’re probably takin’ it up the ass from all of ‘em!” It was only natural that you would deny it- I mean, it’s kinda taboo for people to admit that they’re sleeping with their boss. But Bam couldn’t summon the words he needed to use to defend himself from what you claimed, so he said the only words his anger-fried brain could come up with, “Fuck you!” Flashing a grin, you got all in his personal space as your voice went from anger to condescension, “Oh, you wish.” Back to the snarky shit with this woman. Okay, maybe he did, but that was none of your business. Bam pressed his lips together as he could feel the tips of his ears heating up, and he couldn’t tell if he was getting flustered from the way you were challenging him or how correct what you were insinuating was. The fact that your lips were nearly touching his wasn't helping either. Taking advantage of your close proximity, Bam quickly reached out and snatched the shotgun from where you were gripping it and dashed off.

Oh, you said Bam had no balls? Yeah, he’s got more balls than the tri-state lottery, bitch. Shoving the gun into Ryan’s hands, he didn’t even notice when Rick started filming from where he was setting up the camera for the stunt you were supposed to do. Stepping back, Bam smacked his own chest twice in a challenging gesture, looking at his best friend but saying words he wanted to say to you, “C’mon, man. Hit me. Do it!” Knowing better than anyone the way he could get into these kinds of moods, Ryan knew the only way to talk him down was to go along with whatever stupid plan he had in mind. Groaning, he steadied the sight on where Bam was standing, aiming for his stomach where it would result in the least damage, and pressed his finger against the trigger. This loud, sickening whip cracking sound made everyone on set jump. The man on the other end of the barrel doubled over with this noise you only hear out of dying animals, falling to the ground with a thump as every ounce of air wooshed out of his lungs in a second. It was the way Bam looked like roadkill with how he curled up on the ground, not making a sound or movement, that made you feel a shred bad for him for the very first time. Looking around, you were the first person to call out, “…Medic?”

Internal bleeding they said. Three broken ribs on account of Dunn’s stellar marksmanship and a gnarly bruise, or so you heard from when the guys gathered around his bedside and were all gasps and oohs after Bam pulled down the sheets in when Steve asked to take a look at it. But after everyone was done grimacing and telling him how awesome the footage would turn out, they flooded out the door and the only person who remained was you, smugly sitting in one of those stiff hospital chairs as Bam lay across from you in his bed, hooked up to electrodes and shit like they do in movies. But there was something different in your eyes as you got up to his bedside- not so much your usual loathing towards him, but more so fascination. Bam got knocked down a peg, and you were satisfied knowing his ego was bruised alongside those abs of his he so loved to flaunt.

Bam’s words came out in a weak mumble as he looked up at you, “What d’you want?” As much as he tried to appear all tough and be a big angry man, you couldn’t help but find the sight of him laying back with his hair a little messy and that glossy look in his eyes from the epidural kinda cute with how vulnerable he was. He couldn’t make fun of you when he was at your mercy like this, what with not being able to even sit up on his own, much less fight or come up with any worthwhile insults. With one finger, you pointed down to the swollen, dark purple mark on Bam’s pale skin, lit up from the light flooding in the window. You nearly snickered, “I wanna touch it.” Crossing his arms over his chest, Bam scoffed at your suggestion, “Fine, whatever….It doesn’t even hurt- oh, fuck!“ Recoiling when you poked the tender bruise, Bam nearly let out a whimper as he winced, pain shooting through his chest. Letting out a breathy groan, he muttered, his head falling back against the pillow, “Don’t- don’t do that…” Part of you wanted to laugh at him, call him a pussy, and go find out wherever the other guys were headed, but another part of you, maybe one you went too eager to own up to, couldn’t deny that he looked kind of pretty when he got fucked up, all fragile and defeated. Like it activated something primal in you, this unconscious attraction towards broken things. You came to the realization that, when that mouth and that attitude of his wasn’t fucking it up, he was pretty hot.

The thing is, both of you liked each other, but neither were too eager to jump at that whole romcom style ‘confessing your feelings’ thing, so for the next few weeks, you tried to keep up the whole hating each other charade. Like when you and him were on the mini-ramp Chris hauled to set with his truck to give you something to do in between filming, and Bam just kept messing up whatever trick he was intent on doing that day. Up he’d go, then down to the plywood with a slam that left him a shiny new bruise- back and forth. “Y’know, it’s a lot easier to do tricks once you’ve learned to stay on your board.” You taunted, kicking up your board to stand on the one side of the ramp. But as he was about to reply with some smart ass response, Bam nailed whatever stupidly over complicated thing he was attempting. “Hahaha! Yes!” Popping his board up with one foot and, turning to you with a triumphant grin, he did one of those victory crotch grabs. “Suck it!” Ignoring the fact that, given the right circumstances, you probably would’ve taken him up on that offer, you rolled your eyes, looking him up and down in a way you hoped looked sarcastic as you spat, “Yeah, in your dreams.” Still, while the venom in your words was still there, it was dulled in a way, like a swallowing a spoonful of sugar after bitter medicine. “Oh, I’d rather rip my dick off and shove it up my ass before I let you suck it!” Bam had the same shitty comebacks as ever.

And the fact that you two were phoning it in wasn’t lost in the slightest on the rest of the guys. They’d try to drop hints to Bam and say that if he’s got the hots for you that it’d be a good idea to try not being an asshole for once, but he’d just laugh them off and tell them that that’s what chicks like nowadays- assholes. But they had no clue. All anyone else knew was that the seemingly boiling hatred you had for each other had melted into a mere simmer, practically friendly banter. Maybe Bam didn’t hit the mark when he said you were fucking the whole crew, but was right about you being shameless, as he would come to find out a few weeks into whatver the two of you had going on. But now, he wasn't one to complain when you pulled him behind a trailer on set, or into an empty hotel room- hell, even into one of those porta-potties on set. Honestly, it was just like how he imagined.

#jackass #bam margera #johnny knoxville #jackass fanfiction #jackass fanfic #fluff #angst #jackass x reader #bam margera x reader

83 notes · View notes

minnie--verse · 4 months ago

Text

Pen Pals -- A Park Sunghoon Fic

!!PART 3!!

(link to pt. 1) // (link to pt. 2)

Summary: You, Ren, are a college student, taking what you thought would be a normal composition class—until you’re assigned a pen pal with your professor’s second class. What happens when you fall for someone you know… but dont?

pairing: sunghoon x f!reader(ren)

genre: strangers to lovers, non idol au, crack, mostly fluff, later chapters to include possible angst//comfort, slow burn.

general warnings: college students!mc, slow burn, love square, swearing, possible adult content in future chapters.

word count: ~6.7k

!!this is not proof read!!

thank u for reading<3

— — —

Sunny,

It’s nice to hear back from you. I have to admit, your letters have become something I look forward to—they’re a break from the routine, a small moment of connection in an otherwise hectic day.

I read your letter about your art final and your friend. It made me think about how different our paths are, yet how they somehow align in these letters. You’re creating things, bringing art to life, while I’m more the type to observe and analyze. My days are mostly filled with reading, writing, and, if I’m lucky, a bit of quiet in between.

You mentioned how your friend keeps you grounded. I get that. My roommate does the same for me. He’s always trying to push me out of my comfort zone, to see the world from a different angle. I guess you could say he keeps things interesting, even if his methods are a bit... unorthodox.

It’s strange, isn’t it? How we’re connected by these letters, yet know so little about each other. But I think that’s part of what makes this interesting. It’s like we’re sharing pieces of ourselves in a way that we might not with people we see every day.

The snowy night I wrote about—there’s something about snow that makes the world feel quiet, almost like it’s pausing to let you catch your breath. I imagine your art might capture that feeling in some way, the way you described working on your final project. There’s beauty in those moments of stillness, don’t you think?

I’d like to hear more about your art and how you see the world through your creations. And of course, anything else you feel like sharing. It’s nice to have someone to write to, even if we’re just pen pals.

Talk to you later, Snow

— — —

You sit in the corner of the bustling cafeteria, the sounds of chatter and clinking cutlery filling the air around you. It’s lunchtime, but the food on your tray remains untouched as you unfold Snow’s letter, your eyes scanning the familiar handwriting. The cafeteria feels miles away as you begin to read.

His words pull you in, and before you know it, you’ve read the letter twice, maybe three times. There’s something about the way he writes, the way he shares these little slices of his life with you, that makes you feel like you’re getting to know him in a way that’s deeper than just surface-level.

You find yourself lingering on the part about his roommate, imagining what this nameless person might be like. From what Snow described, it sounds like he’s the opposite of Snow—more outgoing, maybe a bit of a troublemaker, but someone who’s trying to bring Snow out of his shell. The dynamic feels familiar in a way, reminding you of your own friendship with Callie.

You take a sip of your drink, mulling over the growing interest you have in these exchanges. It’s not just the content of his letters, but the person behind them—someone thoughtful, introspective, and maybe even a little lonely. You can’t help but wonder what he’s like in person, though you know that’s not something you can just ask. There’s an unspoken rule in these letters, a line neither of you has crossed yet.

As you reread his letter, you feel a warmth spread through you, a comfort in knowing that someone out there is taking the time to write to you, to share a part of themselves. It’s something you hadn’t expected when the assignment started, but now, you find yourself looking forward to each new letter, wondering what Snow will say next.

The cafeteria continues to buzz around you, but for a moment, it’s just you and Snow’s words, connecting across a space that feels more like a bridge than a gap. You feel a strange mix of anticipation and contentment as you fold the letter back into its envelope, carefully tucking it away in your bag.

As you finish your lunch, your thoughts drift to what you’ll write in return. There’s a sense of wanting to share more, to keep this connection going, even if it’s just through ink and paper. Snow’s right—there’s something beautiful about the stillness he described, something you might try to capture in your art.

But there’s also something more you want to share, something lighter, maybe even a bit playful. After all, Snow’s letters have become a small, unexpected joy in your life, and you want to reflect that back to him.

You’re lost in your thoughts, Snow’s letter still lingering in your mind as you take a sip of your drink, when you hear a familiar voice—smooth, quiet, and unmistakably him.

“Ren.”

Your heart skips a beat, and you look up, startled. Standing there, just a few feet from your table, is Sunghoon. His dark hair falls slightly into his eyes, and there’s that usual unreadable expression on his face. For a moment, you just blink at him, caught off guard by his sudden appearance.

“Sunghoon,” you manage to say, trying to keep your voice steady as you process the fact that he’s here, in the cafeteria, talking to you. You weren’t expecting to see him again so soon after your library encounter, and definitely not here, now, while you’re still thinking about Snow.

He looks down at the seat across from you, a silent question in his eyes. You nod, and he sits down, placing his tray on the table. He glances at your untouched food, then back at you, his expression still difficult to read.

“You looked�� deep in thought,” he says, his voice low and calm. “Something on your mind?”

You feel a slight blush creep up your cheeks as you realize how absorbed you must’ve looked. “Just… a letter,” you say, trying to downplay the significance of it. “I was rereading it.”

Sunghoon raises an eyebrow slightly, his gaze briefly flicking to your bag where you’ve tucked the letter away. “From a friend?”

You glance at the letter, then back at him, a small smile tugging at your lips. “It’s… an assignment for Composition class?”

His eyes widen slightly in recognition, and you can see the wheels turning in his head. “Wait, you’re taking that too? We must be in the opposite classes.”

You raise an eyebrow, intrigued by the coincidence, “Oh really? I didn’t think much of it at first, but it’s actually been kind of nice. How about you?”

Sunghoon nods, taking a bite of his lunch before responding. “Same here. I thought it was just a pointless assignment, but it’s not bad.”

You chuckle, shaking your head as you remember how skeptical you’d been at the start. “Yeah, I was pretty skeptical too. It seemed like just another thing to do for class. But once I started, it was... different. More personal than I thought.”

He smiles, and you can tell he’s on the same page. “Yeah—it’s easier to talk to someone without the physical interaction.”

“There’s definitely something strange about it,” you agree, your thoughts drifting back to Snow’s letter. “Like, you’re sharing these little pieces of yourself with a complete stranger, and it makes you think about things in a different way.”

Sunghoon nods, looking like he’s considering your words. “Yeah. I guess it’s a nice change. I enjoy being anonymous, and waiting to see what she says.”

You find yourself smiling more, feeling a warmth in the conversation. “Exactly. It’s like a little surprise each time. I’ve started looking forward to it, even if it’s just for the sake of curiosity.”

His eyes briefly flicker to the envelope again, but he quickly looks away, not wanting to pry too much. “So, how’s your pen pal’s writing? Do you find it interesting?”

You think about Snow’s eloquent words and how much they’ve resonated with you. “Yeah, it’s actually quite nice. They’ve been really expressive about their thoughts and experiences. It’s refreshing to read.”

He nods, seeming to understand completely. “Mine’s been pretty good too. I think the anonymity of it makes it easier to open up in a way.”

You both share a moment of silent agreement, appreciating the irony of discussing your pen pals while keeping your own identities hidden. The conversation shifts to more mundane topics—classes, weekend plans, and the usual college life chatter—but there’s a subtle undercurrent of something more meaningful beneath it all.

Sunghoon’s gaze drifts around the bustling cafeteria, “People watching? That seems like a fancy way of saying you’re nosy.”

You roll your eyes, “If you wanna be negative about it then yeah, sure. Nosy. I just like to see what people are up to, you know? Decipher their story.”

Sunghoon looks around the room, scanning the diverse crowd. “Okay, let’s start with that group of friends over by the window.”

You follow his gaze and start to analyze the scene. “Yeah, they look like they’re having a great time. The girl in the red sweater is laughing so hard her glasses are slipping down her nose. She’s clearly the life of the party. The guy next to her in the black hoodie seems to be trying to make a joke, but it’s not landing as well—he’s got that ‘awkward but trying’ look.”

Sunghoon chuckles, clearly enjoying the insight. “How about the couple over by the food counter?”

You glance over and see the couple in question. “Oh, them? The guy seems a bit impatient, like he’s waiting for his food to come faster. Meanwhile, the girl is chatting animatedly with the server, probably trying to make a connection or get a special order. It’s like they’re in their own little world, and he’s just trying to keep up.”

Sunghoon nods, clearly impressed with your detailed observations. “That’s pretty spot-on. What about them, huddled around a laptop?”

You look over and analyze the situation. “They’re working on a group project, I’d say. The girl in the blue scarf seems to be the one taking charge, pointing at the screen with a lot of enthusiasm. The guy next to her is nodding along, but he looks a bit overwhelmed. He’s probably trying to keep up with all the ideas being thrown around

Sunghoon raises an eyebrow, clearly enjoying the process. “I didn’t realize how much you could pick up from just observing. It’s like you’re seeing a whole story unfold without them even knowing you.”

You smile, enjoying the shared activity. “Exactly. It’s fascinating to see how people interact and what little details tell you about their mood or situation. It’s almost like creating a narrative from real life.”

Sunghoon looks at you with an impressed smirk, “You’re an expert at being nosy then, huh?.”

You nod in agreement, feeling a sense of satisfaction in sharing this part of yourself. “Yeah, it’s a bit like that. It’s also nice to share it with someone who’s genuinely interested. Makes it even more enjoyable

Sunghoon’s eyes wander around the room again, clearly more engaged in the activity now. “So, do you usually come to the cafeteria to people-watch, or is this a special occasion?”

You laugh softly, shaking your head. “Oh, it’s a regular thing for me. The cafeteria is one of the best spots for it. Lots of different people and interactions to observe.”

You find yourself lingering on Sunghoon’s face for a moment longer than you intend. There’s something about the way he quietly observes the room, his dark eyes taking everything in with a calm, almost unreadable expression. He’s hard to read, but there’s a depth to him that intrigues you.

You quickly glance back down at your finished plate, hoping he didn’t notice you staring. But as the silence stretches, you feel his eyes on you. Sunghoon clears his throat, his voice a little hesitant. “So, uh… what do you see when you look at me? I mean, you’re good at this observing thing, right?”

You freeze, your heart skipping a beat at his question. You can feel the heat rising in your cheeks as you try to gather your thoughts, suddenly aware of how close you two are sitting. “Oh, um… well, I guess…”

You look up at him, meeting his gaze, and the words tumble out before you can stop them. “Your eyes… they’re really… intense. But not in a scary way. More like… there’s a lot going on behind them, but you don’t really let it show. It’s like… you’re watching the world, but keeping your thoughts to yourself. It’s… I don’t know, they have some kind of mysterious pull to them.”

Sunghoon blinks, clearly caught off guard by your answer. His expression softens, and for a moment, he looks almost vulnerable. “Mysterious, huh? I’ve never thought of myself that way.”

You fumble for words—that was fucking weird, Ren—you think, scrambling to fix your words. “I-I mean, not in a bad way! It’s just… you have this kind of… stoic presence, but your eyes say a lot more than you let on. It’s like there’s a whole other side to you that most people don’t see.”

Sunghoon looks down, a faint smile playing on his lips, his cheeks tinged with a slight flush.

You nod, feeling the awkwardness of your own words but also a strange sense of connection. “Sorry that wasn’t what you meant and I am… fucking weird now, huh?”

He looks back at you, his gaze softening. “No, no, no—“ He laughs gently and shakes his head, “It’s… actually kind of nice. I appreciate it, Ren.”

As you both settle in Sunghoon’s apartment, the storm still raging outside, Sunghoon suddenly looks at you with a mix of nervousness and determination. “You know, I’ve been meaning to tell you why I couldn’t say anything when we bumped into each other at the park. I was just… kind of enthralled by how pretty you were.”

He shakes his head, a slight flush still coloring his cheeks. “I know that sounds a bit stupid, but it’s the truth. I was too caught off guard to say anything, so I probably just looked broody.”

You feel your face heat up at his confession, but you can’t help but laugh a little, shaking your head. “Honestly, I just thought you were kind of an asshole. Like, you just bumped into me and then stared me down. I had no idea you were, you know… stunned or whatever.”

Sunghoon’s eyes widen, and he looks immediately embarrassed, running a hand through his hair awkwardly. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to come off that way. I really wasn’t trying to be a jerk. I just… didn’t know how to react.”

You laugh again, but this time more warmly, seeing how flustered he is. “It’s okay, really. I guess we both misread the situation. I’m glad we got that cleared up.”

Sunghoon nods, still looking a bit embarrassed, but he manages a sheepish smile. “Yeah, me too. I guess I need to work on my reactions a bit. Sorry again for giving off the wrong vibe.”

You wave it off, feeling the tension ease as you smile at him. “No harm done. It’s kind of funny, actually, now that we’re talking about it.”

Sunghoon chuckles, the embarrassment starting to fade. “Yeah, I guess it is. I’m really glad we’re getting to know each other better now, though.”

“Well, now that we’ve both embarrassed ourselves—“ You laugh before a sigh escapes you and you lean back against the booth seat you were in.

Callie was right—which was something you didn’t like to admit very often—but maybe Sunghoon was something you could chase after.

— — —

Snow,

Your last letter caught me off guard—in a good way. It’s not every day someone asks about my life outside of school or my perspective on the world as an artist. It made me realize how rare it is to have someone actually care about those things. So, thank you for that.

Where do I start? Outside of school, I guess I’m pretty much the same person. Art isn’t just something I study—it’s how I see the world. I know that might sound cliché, but it’s true. When I walk through campus, or sit in a coffee shop, or even just people-watch from a bench, I’m always noticing the little details that others might overlook. The way the light hits someone’s hair, the shadows that play on the ground, the fleeting expressions on people’s faces as they pass by. It’s like everything is a potential piece of art, even the most mundane moments. I think that’s why I love being an artist so much. It’s like I have this secret lens that lets me see the beauty in everything, even when the world feels overwhelming.

But that’s not to say it’s always easy. There are days when I feel like I’m carrying the weight of everything I see. It’s like I’m constantly trying to capture moments, to hold onto them before they slip away, but sometimes it’s exhausting. There’s so much emotion in the world, and it can be overwhelming to try and process it all. I guess that’s why I retreat into my art. It’s my way of making sense of everything, of turning the chaos into something tangible.

Outside of that, I’m just a normal college student, trying to navigate life and figure out who I am. I have my close friends, like Callie, who keep me grounded. She’s the type of person who can make me laugh even when I’m stressed out of my mind, which is more often than I’d like to admit. We balance each other out, I think. She’s practical and a bit of a realist, while I’m the one with my head in the clouds, always dreaming and creating. It’s a good dynamic, and I’m grateful to have her in my life.

But enough about me—how about you? You’ve been so thoughtful in your letters, but I feel like I don’t know much about you yet. What do you see when you look at the world? What’s your perspective on life? I’d love to hear more about what makes you, well… you.

Talk to you later—Sunny

— — —

Your days have settled into a comfortable rhythm, a mix of classes, painting, and the occasional coffee break with Callie. Mornings start with you groggily pulling yourself out of bed, the faint light of dawn filtering through your curtains as you get ready for another day of classes. You make sure to grab breakfast, a habit Callie has drilled into you after too many mornings of skipped meals. Then it's off to campus, where you navigate the familiar paths with a sense of routine, waving to acquaintances and exchanging quick hellos with classmates.

Your classes keep you busy—lectures, assignments, and the constant pressure of upcoming exams. But amidst the academic grind, there's a part of your day you look forward to the most: those moments you spend in the library. It started with that first meeting, an accidental collision of schedules and a shared space, but now it’s become something more intentional.

You’ve found yourself meeting Sunghoon regularly in the library, often in that same reserved room where you first actually talked. It’s a quiet, tucked-away corner of campus where you both can focus on your work but also where conversation flows easily between the two of you. At first, it was just studying side by side, exchanging the occasional word or glance, but soon you started talking more—about classes, about life, about the things that matter to you both.

There’s a comfort in his presence, a steadiness that you hadn’t expected from someone who seemed so closed off at first. He listens when you speak, really listens, and when he shares something about himself, it feels like he’s letting you into a part of his world that few others see. The more time you spend together, the more you realize how much you enjoy his company, how much you’ve come to look forward to these meetings.

He’s still a man of few words, but when he does speak, there’s a thoughtfulness to it that you’ve come to appreciate. Sometimes, you catch yourself smiling at something he says, or at the way he looks at you when he thinks you’re not paying attention. And sometimes, when he’s focused on his work, you let yourself wonder what he’s thinking, what he’s feeling. It’s a strange kind of closeness that’s developed between you two, one that feels both new and familiar at the same time.

And then there are the little things—the way he’ll bring you a coffee if he knows you’ve had a rough day, or the way you’ve started sharing music recommendations, discovering you have more in common than you initially thought. There’s a warmth to your interactions now, a quiet understanding that seems to have grown naturally out of these moments spent together.

You can’t quite put your finger on when it happened, but somewhere along the way, Sunghoon became more than just someone you ran into on campus. He became someone you genuinely care about, someone whose presence you crave more often when you had to wait for another letter. And as you sit across from him in that familiar library room, you find yourself wondering what this connection means, where it might lead, and how much closer the two of you might become.

— — —

Sunny,

I have to admit, after reading your last letter, I found myself looking at the world a little differently. It’s like your words opened up something in me, made me see the beauty in the details that I usually overlook. I guess I never realized how much there is to notice when you really pay attention.

Like yesterday, I was walking through campus, and I saw the way the sunlight filtered through the trees, casting these long, golden shadows on the ground. The leaves were swaying just enough to make the light dance. It reminded me of the sunny day you talked about in your first letter and then I thought, ‘Sunny would probably paint this,’ Or the way the raindrops gather on the window after a storm, reflecting the outside world in those tiny little beads of water. It’s like the whole world is contained in those drops, you know? I don’t think I’ve ever noticed those things before, not really. But now, it’s all I can see.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, your perspective has kind of... consumed my thoughts. I find myself thinking about what you’d make of the things I see every day—how you’d capture the way a moment feels, or how you’d turn something simple into something profound. It’s like you’ve given me a new lens to look through, and I’m really grateful for that.

Honestly, I’m finding it hard not to think about you every day now. It’s strange, isn’t it? We’ve never even met, but I feel like you’re everywhere. Like, every time I notice something beautiful, you’re the first person I want to tell about it. I’m not sure what that means, but I thought you should know.

Anyway, I hope you’re doing well. I’d love to hear more about what you’ve been painting lately—if you’re comfortable sharing, that is. And if there’s anything else on your mind, I’m all ears.

Talk to you later—Snow

— — —

Over the past few weeks, Sunghoon had found himself thinking about Ren more and more. It wasn’t just the time they spent together in the library that lingered in his mind, but the little details of her that had started to etch themselves into his memory. The way her eyes would light up when she talked about something she was passionate about, or how her lips would curl into a soft, almost shy smile whenever he complimented her. He had memorized the way she absentmindedly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear while she studied, or how her eyebrows furrowed in concentration as she worked on her assignments. And then there was her laugh—so genuine and infectious that it never failed to make him smile, even on his worst days.

Sunghoon didn’t know when it happened, but Ren had become someone he looked forward to seeing, someone who made him feel understood in a way that was rare for him. There was an ease to their connection that he hadn’t experienced before, a natural rhythm that made their time together feel effortless and comforting. She was someone who could bring out a side of him that he usually kept hidden, and he found himself wanting to share more and more of himself with her.

But then there was Sunny.

Sunny, the anonymous pen pal who had captured his thoughts and inspired his imagination in ways he hadn’t anticipated. Their letters had started off as just another assignment, something he hadn’t expected to matter. But now, every letter from Sunny was something he eagerly awaited. Her words painted vivid pictures in his mind, and he found himself longing to know more about the person behind them. What did she look like when she painted? What emotions played across her face as she captured the world on her canvas? What other poetic visions would she impart next?

The more he read her letters, the more he felt like he was getting a glimpse into her soul, and it was intoxicating. He wanted to know everything about her—her thoughts, her dreams, the way she saw the world. He had even begun to wonder if she might be someone he already knew, someone who had been right in front of him all along. But then, there was Ren, and that complicated things. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was being unfair to both of them—this girl he was growing closer to in person, and this mystery pen pal who occupied his thoughts.

Sunghoon found himself caught between two worlds: the real, tangible connection he had with Ren, and the deep, almost ethereal bond he felt with Sunny. And with each passing day, the desire to bridge that gap, to know who Sunny really was, grew stronger. He wanted to understand the person behind the letters, to see if the connection he felt with her words could translate into something real. But as much as he longed to uncover Sunny’s identity, he also feared what that might mean—for him, for Ren, and for whatever delicate balance he had somehow found between the two.

— — —

Snow,

Your last letter made me smile. It’s funny how we’ve never met, yet I feel like you somehow understand how I see the world. When you described the sunlight filtering through the trees and the raindrops on the window, it was like you were speaking my language. It’s incredible how something so simple can become so beautiful when you take the time to notice it, don’t you think?

I’ve been painting a lot lately. After reading your letter about the snowy night, I couldn’t get the image out of my head. There was something so vivid in the way you described it—the quiet, the stillness, the way the world seemed to pause under that blanket of snow. It was like I could feel the cold air on my skin and hear the crunch of the snow beneath my feet, even though I wasn’t there. So, I decided to paint it. I wanted to capture that moment, the way you saw it, and try to put that feeling on canvas.

It wasn’t easy. I think I’ve repainted the sky about a dozen times, trying to get the right shade of twilight, that moment just before the night fully takes over. I wanted the snow to look soft, almost like a memory, with just enough light to see your breath in the air. And the trees... I think they were the hardest part. I wanted them to look both strong and delicate, like they were standing guard over this perfect, fleeting moment in time. I don’t know if I got it exactly right, but I hope it comes close to what you saw that night.

It’s strange, but painting your snow night made me feel closer to you, like I was sharing in that moment with you even though we’re miles apart. It made me realize how much I look forward to your letters, how much they make me think and feel. I’ve found myself wondering what you’re doing at random times during the day, or how you’d describe the things I see. It’s like your words have found a way into my thoughts, and I’m not sure how to explain it, but it’s kind of wonderful.

I’m curious, though—do you ever feel that way about my letters? I mean, do you find yourself thinking about what I’ve written or imagining what I might say next? I guess I’m just wondering if this connection is as real for you as it feels for me.

I’d love to hear more about what you’ve been seeing lately, what moments have caught your eye. Maybe they’ll inspire my next painting. And if there’s anything you’re curious about, don’t hesitate to ask. I’m more than happy to share my world with you, piece by piece.

Talk to you later—Sunny.

— — —

You and Sunghoon are sprawled out on the floor of his apartment, the room echoing with your laughter and playful banter. You’re in the middle of a mock wrestling match, both of you grinning like fools as you try to outmaneuver each other. Sunghoon manages to pin you down for a moment, and you let out a loud, exaggerated laugh of defeat.

As the laughter dies down, you both lie there catching your breath, the playful energy giving way to a more relaxed atmosphere. You looked up at him as he held your arms down, his roommate Jake giving the dramatic announcement of Sunghoon’s pin as if it was WWE. Your chest rose and fell with a stagnant smile on your faces, Sunghoon still chuckling softly as he looked down at you. For a brief moment, the world seems to slow down, and you find yourself watching him with a sense of wonder.

His dark hair is a bit tousled from all the antics, and there’s a light sheen of sweat on his forehead that makes him look somehow more... real. The way the light from the lamp casts a soft glow on his face, and the way his lips curve into a relaxed smile—it’s all strikingly attractive. You hadn’t really noticed before, but now, it’s as if you’re seeing him for the first time, in a way that makes your heart skip a beat.

You shift your gaze slightly, trying to process what you’re feeling. This isn’t just about appreciating his looks; it’s something deeper, a fluttering sensation in your chest that you can’t quite ignore. You think about the way he listens to you, the way he makes you laugh, and how easy it feels to be around him. There’s a warmth and familiarity that you didn’t expect, but that you’ve come to cherish.

And then, like an unwelcome intrusion, your thoughts drift to Snow. The mysterious pen pal who had captured your imagination with his poetic letters. You remember his descriptions of snowy nights and the way he made you see the world through his eyes. It’s been a constant presence in your mind, a subtle, persistent reminder of another connection that feels just as intense, albeit in a different way.

The contrast between the two is jarring. Sunghoon’s presence is immediate and real, filled with tangible moments and shared laughter. Snow’s presence is ethereal and distant, yet equally compelling, with each letter adding another layer to the intrigue. The two are starting to feel like they’re vying for space in your thoughts and emotions.

You find yourself torn, caught between the easy, tangible connection you’re building with Sunghoon and the poetic, almost dreamlike allure of Snow. It’s confusing, trying to reconcile these two parts of your life and figure out what you truly want. As you look back at Sunghoon, you realize how much you enjoy his company, how much you’re drawn to him, yet Snow’s influence remains a significant part of your emotional landscape.

You let out a soft sigh, trying to clear the fog of conflicting feelings from your mind. Sunghoon lifts a brow and catches your gaze, giving you a curious look.

“You alright, Ren?” he asks, his voice warm and genuine.

You offer him a small, distracted smile, trying to hide the whirlwind of emotions inside. “Yeah, yeah. Just thinking.”

Sunghoon nods, giving you a reassuring smile. “Well, if you need to talk, I’m here.”

You nod, appreciating the offer. “Thanks, Hoon… I appreciate it.”

As the evening continues, you try to focus on the present, enjoying the time with Sunghoon while grappling with the complexities of your feelings for both him and Snow. It’s a balancing act you’re not entirely sure how to manage, but for now, you’re determined to savor the moments you have with Sunghoon and let the rest sort itself out in time.

— — —

Sunny,

Your letter brought a smile to my face and warmth to my heart. I was genuinely touched to hear that my description of the snowy night inspired your painting. It’s incredible to think that my words could be transformed into something so beautiful and tangible. I can almost see the scene through your eyes, and it makes me feel as though I’ve been there with you, experiencing it all over again. I hope to see it one day.

I’ve found myself constantly thinking about you and your letters. It’s a strange but wonderful feeling, knowing that someone out there is visualizing the world through such a creative and thoughtful lens. It’s like your perspective has woven itself into my daily thoughts, and I can’t help but wonder about the details of your life, the moments that inspire you to create. Your words have become a significant part of my routine, and I often catch myself daydreaming about what you might describe next.

There’s a warmth in knowing that our correspondence has become such a meaningful part of our lives. I’m always eager to read what you’ve written, to find out what new insights or observations you’ll share. It’s almost as if your letters have a way of drawing me in, making me feel connected to you in a way that’s both surprising and comforting.

I have to admit, there’s something more profound than just admiration growing within me. I’ve started to realize how deeply I’m falling for your words, for the way you express yourself so beautifully and thoughtfully. It’s as though each letter reveals another layer of who you are, and I’m captivated by the depth and sincerity of your reflections.

I’m curious to know more about you—your inspirations, your dreams, and the things that move you. If you’re comfortable sharing, I’d love to hear about what drives you to paint, or about the moments that make you pause and reflect. Your letters have become a source of light in my life, and I fall harder with every word you share.

Talk to you later—Snow

— — —

You’re pacing back and forth in the living room, your mind a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. You’ve been wrestling with your feelings for both Sunghoon and Snow, and it’s starting to drive you a bit mad. You finally collapse onto the couch next to Callie, who is lounging with a stack of notes from Snow spread out in front of her.

"Callie, I need help," you say, your voice tinged with frustration. You’re sprawled out on the couch in your apartment, the remnants of Snow’s letters scattered around you like a chaotic love confetti. Callie is sitting next to you, munching on a snack bowl of pretzels and clearly enjoying the show as you have a mini-meltdown over your feelings for both Snow and Sunghoon.

“Snow’s words are like this beautiful, poetic storm that’s taking over my mind, and then there’s Sunghoon, who’s right here, making me feel seen and loved in a completely different way. How am I supposed to choose between these two worlds?” You bury your face in you’re hands and groan.

Callie raises an eyebrow and picks up one of Snow’s letters, glancing at it with a smirk. “Okay, let’s break this down. So, Snow is basically a walking, talking poem who understands your soul from a distance, and Sunghoon is a real-life guy who makes you laugh and look at you like you’re the only person in the room. Got it.”

“Exactly!” you say, waving your hands around dramatically. “Snow’s letters are this perfect mix of art and mystery. I mean, he’s on campus somewhere, and I don’t even know what he looks like! And then Sunghoon... he’s here, being all cute and attentive, and it’s like I’m falling for him just as much. It’s a mess!”

Callie chuckles and picks up another letter, reading it with exaggerated enthusiasm. “‘Your letters have become a source of light in my life, and I fall harder with every word you share.’ Ugh, Snow, you charmer. And here’s Sunghoon, who knows the way you take your coffee and gives you his coat when you’re cold like a rom-com.”

You groan and flop back against the couch cushions. “I know, right? It’s just that Snow’s letters make me feel like I’m part of this beautiful, poetic world, while Sunghoon’s presence makes everything feel so real and tangible. How do I even begin to balance that?”

Callie puts down the letter and gives you a sympathetic look. “Listen, you don’t have to choose right this second. Snow’s words are wonderful, but they’re just a glimpse into a world that’s still shrouded in mystery. Sunghoon is right here, making you laugh and enjoy life. Maybe the real answer is that you need both worlds for now.”

You sit up, considering her words. “That’s... not the worst idea. But it feels so complicated.”

Callie leans back with a grin. “Complicated is just a fancy word for ‘interesting.’ If you’re enjoying both, then why stress? Snow’s poetry isn’t going anywhere, and Sunghoon’s not going to vanish. Take your time to figure it out.”

— — —

Dear Snow,

I was so touched by your last letter, and I felt compelled to write back and share something with you. I’ve been thinking a lot about how you expressed your feelings, and I realized something incredibly beautiful. Even though you’ve never seen any of my paintings, you seem to understand them so well, as if you’ve seen them in your own way. It’s like you’ve been looking at the same world through my eyes.

Your words have a way of making me feel like you truly see me, and it’s more than just knowing my thoughts or my feelings—it’s as if you’ve grasped the essence of what I try to capture on canvas. When I painted my vision of your snowy night, it wasn’t just about recreating the scene you described. It was about expressing how your words made me feel, how they painted a picture in my mind that felt so vivid and real.

Falling for you, Snow, has been like discovering a new color in my palette—one that resonates deeply with my own heart. The way you describe things, the way you make me think about the world in new ways, it’s all become a part of me. You’ve made me realize that sometimes the connection we build through words can be even more profound than anything we could see or touch.

I can’t wait to continue exploring this journey with you, sharing more of our worlds through our letters, and discovering where this connection takes us. You’ve made me feel seen and understood in a way I didn’t think was possible. Thank you for being such an important part of my life, even from afar.

Talk to you later— Love, Sunny

— — —

Sunghoon burst through the door of his apartment, his face flushed with excitement. He had just received Sunny’s latest letter, and the warmth of her words had him practically skipping with joy. His thoughts were a whirlwind of how perfectly their feelings seemed to align, and he was eager to share his enthusiasm with Jake.

As he walked into his room, he noticed something lying on his bed. It was the jacket Ren had borrowed from him. Sunghoon’s heart skipped a beat. He remembered that Ren had returned it today and briefly wondered if there was anything inside the pockets.

He reached into one of the coat pockets and felt a small, folded piece of paper. Curiosity piqued, he pulled it out and unfolded it, revealing a neatly written note in neat… purple… ink.

— — —

Thank you for the jacket.

—Ren

— — —

ending note —

hehehe!! promised part three!! I’m really enjoying this prompt so I’m literally pumping these out as fast as I can bc even I’m excited for what happens next.

I love you and thank you for reading my little corner of tumblr<3

#college au #college au sunghoon #enha #enha fic #enha sunghoon #enha sunghoon fic #enhypen #enhypen college au #enhypen fic #enhypen sunghoon #enhypen park sunghoon #enha park sunghoon #enha park sunghoon fic #enhypen park sunghoon fic

8 notes · View notes

maglors-anion-gap · 2 years ago

Text

(@cosmic-walkers so sorry for the late reply - work was very busy this week. Posting our thread as a new post because I feel bad gumming yours up with a bunch of reblogs. RIP to everyone's dash tho, the ADHD is leaping out and this post will not be short.)

Note: the text in all the images has been copied into the image description function on desktop. let me know if for some reason it can't be accessed.

Anyway, cosmic-walkers and I had a really good exchange about maeglin and his treatment in text that got me thinking again about eol and the difficulties I've had engaging with his narrative even after coming around to a more nuanced.

I mentioned this in my tags and asked how folks go about repairing eol's narrative:

And I got a really thoughtful reply that, with permission, I'm sharing here so that more people can see it. Hopefully it is as interesting to you all as it was to me. (browse images right to left, top to bottom. comments organized in vertical order in each image).

Thank you @cosmic-walkers for taking the time to write that out for me. It absolutely makes sense, and I actually really love getting long messages because I feel like the length constraints of both tags and comments hinder free conversation.

I have a degree in public health, and my focus was interpersonal and family violence; I don't bring it up to toot my own horn, but rather to offer some context for readers here and to draw from as I analyze the patterns of behavior in the narrative. For what its worth, I think that more nuanced readings of eol's character line up pretty well with frameworks for understanding unhealthy relationships, abusive relationships, and family violence.

I think it makes people uncomfortable to engage with the idea that abusers are humans. I don't mean that people ought to feel a preponderance of sympathy for them (at the expense of their victims), but rather that humans have human triggers, motivations, and psychologies. Of course, we are talking about elves, but *vague hand waving.* I joke that my degree was the most expensive, circuitous way to get therapy, but it really did help to engage with concepts like family systems theory to understand my own life and move forward in healing past "that sucked and my abuser is a monster .... who somehow manages to treat everyone else well... why me?"

Family systems theory posits that abuse can arise in certain dynamics and be conducted by people who, in other dynamics, would not act abusively. It asks us to describe both the overarching family system as well as the subsystems that exist between different members. Noise in one subsystem echoes to impact the rest of the system. It emphasizes the impact of boundaries (divisions, openness or isolation, emotional closeness), roles (patterns of behavior, and who may be targeted/blamed/scapegoated), rules (spoken and unspoken standards, traditions, and guidelines), and hierarchy (power, who holds it, respect and lack thereof). People chafe against the the last concept, feedback and circular causality, because when applied incorrectly it can sound like the victims are provoking their own abuse - this is not true, and it should not be applied like this. It only means that a relationship yields certain behaviors depending on its climate, and that once a pattern of behavior is established it becomes harder to break.

When analyzing family systems theory, many people choose to pair it with the family resilience model, which prioritizes repairing the broken aspects of (sub)system relationships, hilighing positive characteristics and using them as strengths to propel other behavior change, and promoting flexibility, openness, and equitability of social and economic resources to stabilize (sub)systems to begin the healing process. Of course, not everyone wishes to remain in contact with their abuser. Of my two abusers, one I have cut contact with and the other I now have a healthy relationship with. But, utilizing models and evidence based practice like this is critical to actually understanding and then remediating abuse and its damage.

Edit 1/1/23: I forgot to mention the impact of stress on abuse. Many abusers release their stress, confusion, and concerns in the form of abuse because they don’t have another way to process and positively direct those emotions. This can be caused by lack of emotional intelligence or ability to self regulate and soothe, lacking interpersonal communication skills, poor modeling from their own role models. I’ve written evidence-based program plans for mitigating teen dating violence, and to make an impact you have to far in advance of the common age of onset of dating violence. We should be teaching stress management tools, emotional regulation, communication skills, and bodily autonomy is late primary and early elementary school. But many people connect dating violence and sex in their minds and don’t want to talk about it with kids. In reality, a lot of abuse happens because of disregulation, not because of inappropriate desire. This is compounded in real life by theories of power and hierarchical respect - if people feel like someone is of higher value than them, they treat them respectfully, but if they feel like they are the person of higher value, they feel it is within their rights (and perhaps a just affirmation/ defense of system hierarchy) to treat them as they please.

I bring all this up because after reading your comments, I tried using it to analyze the system of Eol, Aredhel, and Maeglin, and the subsystems between them. We agree that as a whole, their family system is tense, unequal, and prone to violence (not necessarily the physical kind). Edit 1/1/23: everyone in the family is experiencing stressors, including Eol himself. The way he responds to these stressors is not healthy and has an impact on the subsystems of their family.

The subsystem of Aredhel and Maeglin is the easiest to analyze in some ways, and there's a wealth of knowledge to pick over. The two of them are emotionally close, open with each other, ally with each other (as in, we do not canonically see either of them display pecking order behavior in which one abuse victim then abuses someone less powerful in another subsystem), and seem to have similar power distance (aredhel is his mother, but she is not characterized as being domineering toward him, and has about as much systemic power as maeglin in comparison to eol, though eol treats maeglin worse initially, forming a subsystem I discuss next).

Eol and Maeglin form a fractious subsystem. It is characterized by high power distance, emotional isolation (see: not naming Maeglin until he was far along in childhood), and Eol regards him more as a possession than as someone worthy of his respect and basic dignity (see: the attempted murder). Resources is a more uniquely human concept, but Eol is the lord of Nan Elmoth, he exerts some control over the forest, he maintains his own staff and people, and he has the ability to forbid (and enforce) certain behaviors. Maeglin spends more time with his mother than father (out of the house too, if memory serves, though this may not be so odd for elves) and dreams of running away to Gondolin, and it seems to me that Aredhel's tales of Gondolin (ironically, a city-prison of another sort) are so sweet to him because of his current family situation.

Aredhel and Eol form the third and final subsystem. I think it is important to note here that many, if not most, abusive relationships begin well. At baseline, many abusers are adept at concealing red flag behaviors until they successfully lock down their victim. But I am more interested in exploring the family systems model of abuse here (Eol is often analyzed using the characteristics of a serial abuser, and while some people fit that model, in combination with the terrible handling of race and culture in this arc, brute caricatures, and white damsels, I think it does more to reinforce an over-done reading that leans into rather than away from Tolkien's biases).

As you so rightly mention, Aredhel and Eol begin their relationship with a certain degree of love. We can see some differences in power, agency, and respect from the start - I am reminded of Eol enchanting the woods to draw Aredhel in. However, this is a storytelling device common to fairy tales, even ones intended to be read romantically, and because I am a huge lover of the Ballad of Tam Lin I must be honest with myself and admit that this alone can be taken as a stylistic choice and not an indicator of purely evil intentions.

The difference in power only grows as Eol forbids Aredhel to visit the lands of the Noldor; this puts her in a difficult bind, as she is also not welcome in the largest kingdom of the Sindar. In general, controlling someone's movements indicates a paternalism and lack of respect that it's difficult to build a healthy relationship on. Now, initially they do go about exploring together, and I think this is something that would have endeared Eol to Aredhel, something she would have enjoyed, something they could have found common ground in, and something that perhaps reminded her of old friends like Celegorm. As their relationship degrades, we see mentions of that closeness, emotional openness, and equity of station disappear. Now Eol goes about his business, Aredhel concerns herself with their son, and they wait until Eol is gone to flee.

On the topic of why people agree to the demands of abusive or otherwise toxic partners, when interviewed many people say that they would like to stay with their partner but that they just want the abuse/hurtful behavior to stop. Now, it's not always possible to achieve that, but many people love their abusers. They make excuses to themselves, their families, and to the medical and legal system to protect them. We cannot discount the impact fear, threats, isolation, and lack of resources have on this behavior, but it would be wrong to dismiss the emotional attachment many people feel. I believe this is a valid reason why Aredhel would initially entertain Eol's demand that she not travel in noldor lands (additionally, she has only had experience with her brother at this point, and Turgon eventually relented and let her go, so perhaps she thinks she can eventually wear Eol down into relaxing his restrictions). It would also explain why she pleads twice to save Eol's life.

Now, I think their relationship, even before Maeglin was (lovingly) conceived, was poised to fall apart. Eol cannot get past his opinions of the noldor, and while those opinions are not incorrect and are, on their own, valid to hold, he marries a noldor woman and has a half-noldor child with her. I think a certain lack of trust in Aredhel, and lack of respect for her cultural background, lays the foundation for his abuse of their son. I read some excellent meta recently about the functional impact of the Quenya ban, and the writer posed that by banning Quenya, the language and culture was associated with kinslayers - thusly, anyone who wanted to participate in political life in Beleriand (which required peace and intergroup co-operation) would have to disavow not just the kinslayings (despite being overwhelmingly kinslayers themselves) but also there heritage. I can see this kind of mentality come out strongly in Eol's treatment of Maeglin: he is concerned that Aredhel teaching Maeglin about her family is like a poison to him, that any faith he has in his wife's good nature or his own ability to parent effectively and teach Maeglin about his own culture is overwhelmed by the canker of noldorin culture.

I think this further corroborates your claim that their relationship slowly degrades from good to bad, because I don't think Aredhel would have tolerated that initially, and if we follow LaCE I'm not sure conceiving Maeglin would be possible with the degree of animosity we see toward the end of their relationship. But I might push a little on the idea that the relationship between Aredhel and Eol was healthy up until the birth of Maeglin. I think the introduction of Maeglin to the family, the creation of two new subsystems, the shift and echo of power within the system, all combine to catalyze abuse. But a loving relationship does not equal a healthy relationship, and loving and being loved by someone does not mean that you have a true, deep respect for each other. It is fully possible to be in love with someone, care deeply about them - and be unable to relate meaningfully to them, or understand their fears or needs. This is how I perceive Aredhel and Eol's relationship almost up until the moment she flees from him.

Now I have some loose end thoughts. Regarding the impact of Eol's parenting on Maeglin, there is some interesting research on chronic fear in children that I refer to now. Chronic (prolonged, or recurring) fear in children causes a host of acute and chronic issues later, both physiological and psychological. Blood sugar, stress hormone levels, sleep health, capacity for and strength of emotional attachment, attention span, short and long term memory, sociability and antisocial behaviors, and rage are all negatively impacted by experiencing chronic fear. Fear is a word that has certain connotations in people's minds, but in this context it can mean anything from living in a war zone, to experiencing abuse, to being bullied or growing up being discriminated against for any reason, to being food or housing insecure, to being routinely disciplined in an illogical/punitive manner. Not all sources of fear are imminent physical threats (there is a reason it is a separate and unique felony crime, for example, for a child to witness abuse taking place even if the child is technically safe).

So we can look at all this and apply this to how we think Maeglin thinks, feels, and interacts with the world considering his poor relationship with his father, the disintegrating relationship between his father and mother, his introduction to gondolin (and losing both parents), and then the discrimination he faces within Gondolin. He moves from one system of fear to another system of fear, and the irony is that his father couldn't stand him for his mother's heritage and the Gondolindhrim judge him for his father's. I think in some ways, Nan Elmoth and Gondolin are reflections of each other, and what happens when xenophobia, isolationism, and fear come into play.

Something else that came to mind while writing was that different groups of Sindar view the Noldor differently. Doriath views them as a challenger to the rule of Beleriand, and this is evident in how Thingol speaks of his kingship and the laws he makes. Some Sindar go with Turgon to Gondolin - though the ruling class, and the historians like Penlodh are all Noldor, so while Maeglin was not entirely alone in Gondolin, he still was not truly free, and the historical record after his death is most definitely biased. the Sindar in the north see the Noldor as allies - though again, similarly to the Sindar that took Turgon as their Lord, or the Edain immediately swearing to elvish Lords, I see Tolkien's bias and racial hierarchy creeping in here to determine "logical" progressions of events. I think all of this contributes to a very tense environment in Beleriand, between the noldor and the sindar, between different groups of sindar, etc etc, and different groups would likely have different fears/reactions to the Noldor. I think Eol was poised, with his cultural trauma, for his marriage to fail. And he is mentioned in connection to Thingol, not Círdan, so his cultural and political context comes into play here. Additionally, we have no idea how old he is. Thingol (and Círdan too iirc) is old enough to remember the Teleri that left for Valinor; this is speculation, but Eol could be as well, which would at least contextualize his intense reaction to the kinslayings as an even more personal grief.

This was a very long free-form way of processing what I think about Eol, and I think I can safely say I find him more interesting as a character now. I really wanted to like him! I tried so hard! I can find something to like about almost every character in the legendarium (even if it's just a "wow that is such an interesting/stimulating way to build characterization"). And I think I can do that with Eol now. I think there's so much to explore re: Nan Elmoth, his skill as a smith, and his relationship with the dwarves.

I actually think it was you that posted about Feanor and Eol being similar, and the thought crossed my mind again as I was writing this up, firstly because of their similar passions, but also because I think they respond to stress, fear, and grief in a similar way. Neither of them handle it well, and they take it out on the people around them. In fact, I think it's great to contrast these two. On the one hand, we have Feanor, grieving his mother, his father, the last bit of stability in Valinor, and feeling like he doesn't belong in that society, that he's tainted, and that everyone secretly hates him (Morgoth's brain worms aren't helping). On the other hand, we have Eol, who is grieving the murder of his kinsfolk, and who views the arrival of the noldor as the colonization and the potential obliteration of his people (a valid fear to have, and corroborated by those princes of the noldor who cross the sea not to fight Morgoth but to obtain kingdoms of their own). And of course, the threat of imprisonment in Gondolin for life is the last straw, and very important in my mind when considering what Eol does next.

It just came to mind, but you could perhaps draw a parallel between Eol trying to kill Maeglin as a perverse mercy killing to spare him the pain of being an outcast in Gondolin, and Denethor trying to burn himself and Faramir alive to prevent their remains from falling into the hands of the Enemy. Eol has a certain love for his son, and unfortunately it's the killing kind.

Again, I really appreciate you taking the time to talk with me, and I'm in agreement with you! It was really helpful to hear your thoughts. In a way, it was kind of freeing to hear you say Eol was kind of crap? The last conversation I had (years ago) with someone about Eol and transformative works, I got the distinct sense that they thought anything less than a fully exculpatory reading of Eol (and reworking the narrative to place the blame of Aredhel's death on "an accident" or "getting between Turgon's men and Eol") was not good enough to repair the narrative. And don't get me wrong! I actually really enjoy AUs and canon divergence, and this arc is no exception!

But sometimes I like to stick closer to canon, and pick apart the biases in the narrative and how they're impacting the characters, especially in an arc that is tied so closely to those characters. I had a pretty firm grasp of the biases at play, but I didn't have as good a handle on the dynamic between Eol and Aredhel and that really tripped me up when I considered possible adaptations to their arc.

My final thought is that I hate having the only character of XYZ background be the villain. I think the way I can potentially get around that is that because it's easier to repair Maeglin's narrative, it's easy for me to make Maeglin sympathetic. As you said, Eol is sympathetic, and nuanced, but also kind of a shitty guy. Whereas Maeglin is sympathetic, nuanced, does some things are are Not Well Adjusted, but also imminently likable once the narrative biases are stripped away. Most of Maeglin's "Crimes" in the narrative are like "he was in love with his cousin, but he was respectful and didn't say anything about it, but she was a mindreader and found out anyway," and "wow he's so close to the king, that's suspicious (even though they're blood related and that's not a red flag at all)" and "he gave up the city ... to gain his cousin as a prize ... but he was tortured first, so maybe it was the torture that really sealed the deal, not the cousin-loving?" Sorry, abrupt departure from academic language into dark humor. But yeah. Fully fleshing out both of these characters - and maybe including some of the sindar of Gondolin and Nan Elmoth as OC's even? - is maybe the way to go.

#Eol #Maeglin #Aredhel #Sindar #Nolofinweans #Gondolindhrim #meta #cosmic-walkers #tol-himling #long post

14 notes · View notes

heart-stomper · 3 years ago

Text

Unspoken Trust, Unspoken Fears

Gathering my thoughts on Sasha and Marcy’s dynamic before S3 proves me wrong shows us what’s going on with these two.

It’s time to look at The Dinner and Battle of the Bands, and then use it as a guide to read the room in True Colors.

No worries! You just gotta speak their language. - Sasha, Reunion

Or in this case, know when to stay quiet.

Sasha gets really really frustrated this episode. Like, so bad, that if that Volcakeno didn’t erupt, she might have been the one to end the friendship. Even Marcy and Grime couldn’t calm her down. But that’s the thing, before this point, they were the only ones to get through to Sasha without provoking her.

Grime keeps Sasha in line; she rolls her eyes and is clearly annoyed every time she has to hold herself back, but her willingness to keep it cool shows she ultimately agrees with Grime’s plan and sees it as the best path to success. When Marcy chimes in, it’s with a helpful answer to Sasha’s question. She reminds Sasha of why they stopped Doing Thing by explaining how their plan failed. She avoids judging Sasha for it, and frames it as the repercussions of their actions, as a group. Marcy is on Sasha’s side, so Sasha doesn’t put up any defenses. When Sasha decides to avoid arguing with Anne however, it isn’t for Anne. It’s for the plan, for her and Grime.

Marcy has enough faith in Sasha to believe she’d never want to purposefully hurt Anne, but is careful about broaching the subject. Sasha feels attacked very easily, and will quickly trivialize or downplay things if she feels the other person is being unreasonable or doesn’t ‘get’ her.

And that is the only time Marcy speaks up besides The Big Argument. She only jumps into actual conflicts if things get too heated. Otherwise, she just lets Sasha do her thing, and lets Anne argue with Sasha... sort of.

This isn’t collaboration. It’s a hostile takeover. Why do things always have to be your way?

Now, for the bait and switch. Let’s talk about Marcy’s behavior in Day at the Aquarium and New Wartwood, and Sasha’s in Toadcatcher and Barrel’s Warhammer… while tying it all back to Battle of Bands!

You didn’t tell me you were writing a song! Let’s do it! I mean, if that’s okay with you, Sasha.

In A Day at the Aquarium, Marcy’s first instinct to Anne saying she’s going back with the Plantars is to make a plan. To show that it isn’t actually what will benefit Anne’s Goals. She doesn’t even consider opening up as an option, and avoids saying anything that could cause conflict. New Wartwood, Marcy tries to chat with the citizens of Wartwood and get to know them. But when that doesn’t work, she decides that impressing them with her knowledge and usefulness is bound to make them like her. It has to.

It does seem simpler.

Trying to win people over by claiming a plan is of mutual interest and necessary, carefully choosing which words to use, viewing relationships as a puzzle to be solved… this isn’t the sort of thing Marcy needs to do to get along with someone like Anne. It’s how Marcy copes with Sasha. Sasha lashes out and belittles bad ideas. Sasha has to be convinced the plan benefits her, suits her. Vulnerability and love aren’t enough to make her care, so Marcy does what she can to prove she’s worth being around. She might even sometimes wonder if Sasha actually likes her, or just likes what she can do for her. She rather not find out.

Whenever she’s afraid of people not liking her, or is worried that she’ll lose them, she dives right into those bad habits. She can give her opinions, but they aren’t supposed to get in the way of what Sasha wants. She’s supposed to say “That’s amazing! What do you think Sash’?” not “Let’s do it!”

Listen. There’s another reason why I’ve been training so hard. To protect the one person I know I can count on right now. You. You’re right, I already lost one friend. I’m not about to lose another. - Sasha, Toadcatcher

In Toadcatcher, there’s that scene, where Sasha looks at the BFF picture and the wind cuts off Anne for a second so it’s just her and Marcy. This is where Sasha is at. Anne might have rebelled, but when Sasha reunites with Marcy? Oh, she’ll show Anne, one way or another. They’ll get her back (like, joining the team or revenge wise, depending on Sasha’s mood.)

Listen here you buffoon! What’s it gonna take to prove that you should follow us? - Barrel’s Warhammer

Aaaand Sasha freaks out royally when she learns the two are alone together and doing just fine. On some level, she fears Anne and Marcy “getting along without her” because it means they might decide they don’t actually need her to make plans; that she isn’t necessary to have fun. In the The Sleepover to End All Sleepovers, we see that isn’t as big a catastrophe as Sasha seems to think it’d be. As time goes on, the girls do gain a healthier relationship to their feelings about Sasha, but that doesn’t mean they’d want her gone even if they don’t need her there. But Sasha doesn’t know that, she doesn’t even consider it till reuniting in The Third Temple. All she knows for now, is that she can be a bit... much... so if she isn’t in control, if her way isn’t “the best”, why would Marcy put up with her either?

Listen. If things get too wild out here, just give me a signal and I’ll call the whole thing off.

For sure, teach it to us Anne.

Every Sasha plan starts with an empty reassurance. So much of Sasha’s dialogue follows a pattern where she says stuff like “we’ll call it off” (she did not call it off) and “for sure, I don’t mind” (she did mind) that it could be it’s own game. Sasha talks the talk, until it gets in the way of what she wants.

Sorry guys, but we’re way to close to bail. I am not going back empty-handed.

It’s good. I just have a few tiny notes that I think could make it even better. ... Boom! Fiixed it!

If they just follow her lead and let her fix it, everything will work out. They should believe in her and trust her. After all...

That’s not true! Besides, we did it. ... You’re not actually gonna throw this all away are you?

I just wanted all of us to succeed. I was just being a good friend. Why couldn’t they see that?

It all worked out, right? Percy and Braddock made it out okay even if she didn’t follow through on her promise. They won, she’s reliable. But of course, Sasha lost something more important than their belief in her abilities, she lost their trust. In Battle of the Bands however, Sasha recognizes that Anne and Marcy don’t want to follow her ambitions and will be pushed away by them just like Percy and Braddock were. So she takes it upon herself to end things, accepting that she’s lost.

Sorry it took so long.

Except this time, she manages to realize that maybe “what she wants” is to be there for her friends. Sasha’s finally had the space to relax and really think about what she wants, at least a little. This isn’t a real battle after all. Doing things her way all the time isn’t as important as she thought. Maybe she should trust in her friends more. A change of pace isn’t “wrong”, just different. It’s fun.

Sorry we lost, Sash’.

Just like Percy and Braddock, Marcy knows Sasha is capable. She understands that Sasha just wants the team to succeed. That’s why she apologizes when Grime beats them in the competition. She wants Sasha to know she appreciates what she did, but keeps it a bit indirect. She gets Sasha probably didn’t want to push them away. Marcy tried to catch herself and back Sasha up, but when Sasha had her argument with Anne, she stayed quiet. She couldn’t bring herself to go against Anne.

That was ultimately for the best, as Sasha learned a valuable lesson. Except... She’s in too deep with the rebellion to back out now. This is the episode she’d spill the truth and give up on the whole thing, except... Grime. A part of her knows leaving would make Grime her enemy. She can’t risk that. So, she keeps going with the plan. She decides she’ll somehow win it all back. Because the thing she’s actually most afraid of, is losing another friend.

Sorry things got a little crazy back there. You guys good? ... Sheesh, don’t be a sore loser. Look, I’m gonna stay here and get this toad regime off the ground, but I can totally send you two home if you want. Or, you can stick around and give me a hand! So what’d’ya say?

Sasha’s final offer; the last chance she’s giving the girls to stop acting weird and go back to being her obedient friends who do what she wants. Sasha lost at Toad Tower, but now she’s won. So Anne should go back to normal, she’s supposed to, like some unspoken “rule”.

And Marcy is supposed fall back in line too. The offer and apology are just as much a plea directed at her. Sasha’s trying to be generous, in her own awkward way. She has bit her tongue so far. She’s thrown a temper tantrum or two, but she hasn’t been this forward in asking Marcy for help till now. She wants Marcy to say that everything’s okay. Make it clear she doesn’t think she’s the bad guy, and that she forgives her and wants to be there for her. That they’re on the same page again. She wants Marcy to help make Anne look overly dramatic and silly for making such a big deal of all this. Sure, if Anne figures that out by herself, that’d be great, but if Marcy could just speak up.

But she doesn’t. Of course she doesn’t.

Marcy’s too busy worrying about Anne’s reaction. Knowing that she’ll be upset about this. She doesn’t dare side with Sasha, and is disappointed and betrayed that she actually did something like this. Marcy already has her own secret plans, so when she finally tries to calm things down, all she can give is a non-descript “we can still fix this”. And then, she’s once again shocked when she sees Sasha threaten Anne and the Plantars. Seeing Sasha act so willing to actually hurt people rather than just push them around... it finally hits her just how serious “tried to kill them” was. And of course, losing Anne or being sent home with her would completely mess up her own plans.

Sasha’s isn’t a vulnerable person. She’ll go on about loving her friends if it makes her look good, but she actively avoids doing anything that could be seen as “weak”. She wouldn’t dare ask Marcy to drop Anne and choose her. If Marcy isn’t speaking up, she can take the hint. She still isn’t on her side, and so she gets sent to the dungeon along with the rest of them.

Marcy accepts that Sasha has become an obstacle, but a part of her still hopes the three of them can work through all this. If they do things her way, nobody has to get hurt. She'll figure out a way hold everything together, fix everything, like always.

And then Andrias betrays her.

Yeah, what plan?

Sasha stops talking once she realizes what’s going on. Quietly fuming as Marcy explains herself. The music box, the suggestion to take it back to Andrias... that wasn’t Marcy being the sweet, supportive friend who Sasha thought she could always rely on, who believed in her... that was Marcy using her. It was never going to become their plan; Marcy never trusted her and was actively working against her. Sasha lost Anne, and she never had a chance at getting Marcy back, either.

Sasha smacks Marcy away when she desperately tries to justify herself. She doesn’t want to hear it anymore. She’s furious that Marcy thinks they could be friends after something like this, after she’s manipulated them and claimed it was for their sakes. This whole time, her goal had been avoiding the move with her parents. And coming here has only torn them apart even worse.

Marcy reaches out to both girls. And when Sasha rejects her, she clings to Anne, hoping at least she’ll find it in her to forgive her. That she’ll understand she cares about them even if she messed up. Marcy knows they’d probably never pick her over their families or ambitions, so she told herself this place offered those things too. Made them all better people. But as she says her excuses out loud, she can’t find a single one that feels right. She was just afraid of losing them, and now, she’s managed to hurt them on top of that.

But the thing is. After all that. Despite how betrayed and hurt and angry Sasha was, she looks like this:

Sasha realizes this must be exactly how Anne felt about her betrayal. It isn’t just an abstract “hurt” or “bad thing” anymore. She can also sympathize with how Marcy feels and why she did it, at least a little. She can’t imagine being able to forgive this, and yet... when she looks to Anne with that apologetic look, she isn’t just hoping Anne will forgive her. She’s also asking for permission to forgive Marcy. Pleading that they all still have a chance to move past this together.

#implying toadcatcher is subtextually about Marcy #naturally these are all just my assumptions and guesses #jottin down theories and observations #and often the tone is 'what sasha thinks' or 'what marcy thinks' rather than a birds eye opinion on the situation #anne gets through to sasha and marcy with a mixture of vulnerability and honesty #it sometimes backfires and they still tend to hide a lot of their feelings #but standing her ground and finding herself really did inspire others too #sasha seems to trust marcy even if anne's messed the group dynamic up #so I wrote this under the assumption she's paying more attention to anne because well #anne is the one who 'betrayed' her #she doesn't need to worry about marcy (so she thinks)#sasha also seems to think she's 'manipulating' and 'convincing' her friends when she's simply invoking fear in them #because while she does like control the idea of them not sincerely adoring her screws her up #sasha and marcy both seem to get into these situations where they feel helpless #where their plans are 'the only option'#and they become so focused on it they fail to realize what they're sacrificing in the process #sasha straight up refuses to believe grime's warnings that she'll push people away #and marcy is desperate and doesn't think she has anyone to rely on except andrias #while marcy probably does play the game to get sasha to do what she wants sometimes #I kinda love how they've deconstructed the whole concept of a 'leader'#neither of them are really 'in control'#they're just needlessly overcomplicating their friendship #learning marcy knows how to play sasha does explain why she falls so easily into the lieutenant role though #sasha really takes other people's plans and goes 'our plans <3' haha #amphibia #sasha waybright #marcy wu #amphibia spoilers

164 notes · View notes

bangtanfancamp · 4 years ago

Text

the Devil Wears Gucci ⬗ Part 5

Previous ╎ Next

•summary:

As the dedicated personal assistant of the genius mind behind House of RM, the empire that rules the fashion industry, your world is turned upside down the day Kim Namjoon himself personally asks you to train his newest hire— the eternally insufferable Kim Taehyung.

• masterlist

•series masterlist

•pairing: Kim Taehyung x reader (feat. Namjoon)

•word count: 4.5k

•rating: honestly, mature seems like a bit too much, and pg-13 feels like an early 2000s rom-com, no.... neither? Both? Idk. Use your discretion. 🤷🏽‍♀️

•genre: enemies to lovers, fashion industry au, devil wears Prada au, f*ckboi au, fluff, romance, slight angst, slow burn, fast banter

•warnings: high banter, a few cuss words, the fearsome aura of angry Namjoon, Taehyung being a butt

•author’s note: Hi guys! I know it’s been a hot minute since I updated this baby (and by hot minute I mean May of 2019. 😬 it’s not usually this bad for other stories though.) So sorry! Hi to old readers, and welcome to new ones! But either way, this chapter is fast and fun and was a treat to write. Hope you enjoy!

(Pic cred to @vanteholic)

─────────────────────

In the next few days following the incident at Namjoon’s, Taehyung is distant towards you at best. His glacial irises skim right past you in his new contacts every time he has to speak with you. His normally heavy lidded gaze that lingers all too long is replaced by cursory glances so icy they make your skin prickle.

His voice is a calm shade of indifference as he brusquely accepts his assignments and swiftly attends to them. His body language is aloof- elegant jawline gritted and lifted airily away from you, not deigning to come down from the clouds to speak to you, his broad shoulders forever angled away from you. It frustrates you completely in more ways than you care to mention, not the least of which being that you have never been ignored so…. beautifully… before.

Even just thinking such a thing makes you roll your eyes at yourself. You can’t believe you’ve even allowed Fuccboi extraordinaire Kim Taehyung to linger in your thoughts for more than two seconds, but somehow, the more he’s ignored you, the deeper that weasel has gotten under your skin.

For one thing, you resent the power his newfound silence toward you has brokered him. Because that’s the thing, he’s still his outrageously personable self with everyone else in the office. Everyone but you. Which puts you in the bizarre position of having to seek him out if you need something instead of your usual dynamic of having to constantly swat his presence away, and you hate it.

You aren’t sure what childhood trauma this dynamic is dragging up, but the button it pushes in you is maddening. You hate that his pouting somehow gives him the upper hand in your unspoken feud. You hate that he behaved so badly on that outing that you nearly lost your career, and yet somehow you are the one feeling like you need to apologize. But most of all, you hate that he’d been right in that hallway.

He’d been able to see what you hadn’t- your work relationship with Namjoon really is terribly unhealthy. It had been staring you in the face for so long- long before Taehyung ever came to work at House of Rm- but it had taken Taehyung and all his audacity to finally make you look it in the face.

You had a crush on your boss, which was bad enough to begin with, but beyond that, your natural lean to accommodate had been taken advantage of. You had, in fact, been so trained to walk on eggshells that you resented Taehyung for shattering one instead of directing your fury toward the boss who’d lined the hallway with breakable things in the first place.

Taehyung had metaphorically grabbed you by the shoulders and shaken you that day, and your world hasn’t felt quite right since. Self awareness never is an easy thing, but something about a boy you’d thought to be hopelessly immature calling you out on your own blind spots has been tremendously unsettling. The clarity you had in the aftermath of that has been hard to swallow ever since.

So much so, that this whole bizarre dance between you and Taehyung has now been going on every day for the last two weeks. Neither of you seemed to know how to call a ceasefire, so instead you both drowned each other in hostility and avoidance. Silent exchanges and chilly body language with no end in sight.

That is, until today.

─────────────────────

It’s bright and early Wednesday morning, and before you’ve even stepped foot out of bed, there’s a message lighting up your phone. Rolling over and groaning, your groggy gaze lands on a clipped, succinct message demanding your first stop of the day be Namjoon’s office once you clock in for the day.

Blearily, you consider hiding back under your duvet instead, wondering briefly if you’d get any sort of severance pay if you quit by simply not showing up. Probably not, but at least no one would yell at you that way. Michelle from HR was always pleasant . Maybe she’d be helpful enough to fetch the things from your desk whenever they officially let you go.

Sitting up, you sigh, knowing good and well you’d never have the gumption to do something like that. Not to mention the list of other reasons why that would be a terrible idea even if you did, not the least of which being there is no way in hell you could ever afford this apartment if you quit.

But as you walk to the window, peeking out at the first few rays of daylight, you realize you’re never here often enough to enjoy this place anyway. Taehyung had called you out on that the first day he’d met you, an annoying fact that continues to itch at the back of your brain no matter how much you hate it. Defeatedly, you pull the curtains back into place, knowing that even though it’s barely 6am, there’s no point in leaving them open. You won’t be back in this spot again til well after dark.

Rubbing your eyes with the heels of your hand, you take one last moment to yourself before going to get yourself ready for your day.

You wonder what nonsense will come your way today.

─────────────────────

As you round the corner to Namjoon’s office, you’re shocked to almost brush hands with Taehyung when you both reach for the doorknob at the same time.

“What are you doing here?”

The question leaves your mouth with more bite than you intend, but you’re honestly too tired for this.

“My job. I do work here, y/n.”

His eye roll is barely contained as his broad shoulder pushes past you, but not before he pauses. For the first time, you notice the recycled cardboard tray full of coffee cups in his other hand.

Coffee pickup was one of the first jobs you’d offloaded onto him the second he’d proven himself capable in his first month. You’d always hated it anyway, and you were glad to get rid of it. Doing so had not only given you an extra 15 minutes of sleep every day, but relief from the anxiety of having to take responsibility for any barista mix ups. You got sleep, freedom, and free delivery? A win in every direction.

But since that awful day with the closet debacle, despite keeping up his responsibility, Taehyung hadn’t brought you a single beverage. He’d still pick up Namjoon’s, get one for himself and often one for Mina….,but not one for you. At first, you’d been furious at his pettiness, but now you’d accepted your fate of either suffering though breakroom coffee or having to make your own at home, both of which defeated the fifteen minutes of sleep you’d been trying to eek back so you’d been suffering without it for the past two weeks.

The warm aromatics of the drinks in his hands swirl under your nose, and just for a second, your eyes close as you imagine stealing one from his hand and dashing from the building. You’ve really got to get these runaway fantasies under control.

When your eyes open again, Taehyung has the most curious look in his eye. He sighs like he’s been debating something, and is unhappy with himself with the resolution he’s come to.

“Here.”

His large hand moves to gently twist a drink free and shoves it in your direction. As your mouth falls open, he’s quick to cut you off.

“You’ve looked like crap without your caffeine lately. I don’t need you nodding off at the desk again today. Your snoring really throws off the mood.”

Affronted, you’re tempted to pour the entire drink down the front of his outfit and hope it tarnishes the buckle on his knock-off gucci belt, but you press a manicured nail into his chest instead.

“I have never fallen asleep in the office, and I do not snore.”

“Ah ah, hands to yourself, ma’am. This is a place of work. Try to contain yourself.” He tuts as he brushes your hand away.

Squinting at him in derision, you’re about to bite out a comeback when the door suddenly swings itself open.

“Good morning, both of you,” Namjoon announces.

“Oh- good morning, sir.”

“Joon…”

“... is not a name you, of all people, are allowed to call me.” Namjoon’s voice is all venom despite the placid mask he keeps over his eyes as he calmly retrieves the cup marked with his name from the tray in Taehyung’s hands. “Come inside, both of you. There are matters to attend to.”

“Yes, sir. Coming sir.” You follow sheepishly, adjusting your oversized blazer dress as you come to sit in the chairs across from his desk.

“Yes sir, coming sir,” Taehyung mocks under his breath for only you to hear as he sits beside you.

“I will kill you,” you mouth to him silently once Namjoon turns away.

“Promise?” He mouths back with a mocking grin.

Wrapping your knuckles around the arm of the chair to keep from reaching over and strangling him, you try your best to refocus your attention toward Namjoon.

“What can we do for you this morning, sir?” You ask.

You hear Taehyung swallow a muffled gagging sound beside you, but you keep your eyes focused ahead and ignore him. The forced politeness tastes acidic in your mouth these days, but as it stands, Namjoon is still your boss. and you’ve still got a job to do, so the quicker you can get out of this office, the better.

“As you know, award season will soon be in full swing. Our show at fashion week this year was met with rave reviews, and we’ve had quite a few starlets walking the red carpet in original House of RM gowns this season. Rachel McAdams in particular caused quite the stir in that little red, sheer lace number.”

When Namjoon looks your way with a secret nod and fingers steepled under his chin, you can’t help the way you beam back at him. You spent months going back and forth with her stylist to plan that, and your pride at it being received so well was positively glowing out from breath your skin.

“Since the brand has been garnering so much positive attention as of late, we have been asked to host Vogue’s fall party celebrating iconic women in cinema, and as the woman who helped us attract so much of this attention, I’d like for you to take point coordinating it.”

You feel your brows shoot up beyond your fringe of their own accord as his words sink in.

“Me? Sir, you want me to plan the event?”

“Unless you think you’re not up for the task,” Namjoon arches a brow pointedly.

“Oh, sir of course not- I mean, of course, I’m not saying that! I’m up for the task. I am. Anything you need, I’m on it.” You nod out, with altogether too much enthusiasm.

“Good,” he clips, turning his gaze to Taehyung. “As for you, as her assistant, I need you to make sure none of her regular assignments slip through the cracks while she focuses on this. I need you to be at her beck and call for anything she needs during this process so the event on the 14th goes off without a hitch.”

“- the fourteenth?” Something that feels like cement hardens in your gut when you hear the date.” Wait— Do you mean the fourteenth of next month?”

“No, I do not. I mean the fourteenth of this month.” Namjoon states plainly.

“Wait, but sir, that’s only a week and a half away.”

You feel your eyes round with panic.

“Which is precisely why I need you to get started. I’ve already taken up too much of your morning.”

“Not at all, sir. Thank you for the opportunity.”

“Yes, yes. I’ll have Serena from Vogue email you all the details we’ve already discussed, and you can take the rest from there.”

Swallowing, the full weight of the task you’ve just been given begins to crush it’s way into you. Your “yes, sir” is small, with none of its usual punch. Perhaps you shouldn’t expect more of yourself when you can barely get a grasp on the oxygen necessary to stay conscious right now.

Clearing his throat beside you, Taehyung seems to catch on to your lightheaded state and speaks up for you before your wooziness can make you tip over in distress.

“On it, boss.” He winks, clicking his teeth cheekily,and for once, you’re grateful for the distraction he creates. “It’s in good hands.”

“It better be,” His smile is tight and insincere. A terribly unnatural thing on his sharp features. “The brand's reputation is riding on this.” Namjoon makes direct eye contact with you as he says this, and you wish the shiver running down your spine was because you thought his eyes were striking and not because you’re scared to death.

“That’s a bit ominous for a sunny morning, isn’t it? Don’t think it’s quite the right mood in this room to be making such grandiose statements before noon.” There’s an irritation creeping its way into Taehyung’s jaw the longer he watches Namjoon stare you down. You’d chastise him for it if you didn’t feel like you were on the verge of passing out.

“You’re still new to this world so I’ll give your naiveté a pass, but there was nothing grandiose about that statement,” Namjoon corrects. “In fact, it may not have had enough weight. If this is not the event of the season, then it may as well not happen at all.”

You feel your blood run a bit cold at the chill in Namjoon’s voice. If you’d thought Taehyung had been icy the past two weeks, he had nothing on Namjoon. The man was practically SubZero when he wanted to be. God, you wanted this over with.

“Absolutely. We’ll make sure it’s an event to remember,” you promise, rising to stand. You have got to get out of this office before you start shedding your skin out of anxiety.

Taehyung takes your cue, rising as well.

“It had better be,” Namjoon’s haughty eyes rake over both of you one last time before his gaze falls back to his laptop.

The silence in the room is your cue to leave, and you take it in a heartbeat.

─────────────────────

You’re not sure how you’ve gotten here, but suddenly, you find yourself sitting at your own desk, gaze pointed glazedly out the window. You must have blacked out for a second there and walked here on autopilot after the shock of this morning. Taehyung sits in silence across from you, digging something out of his laptop bag, as you try to wrap your head around what’s been asked of you.

House of Rm has been asked to co-host one of the biggest Gala’s of the season, and you’ve been asked to run it. To coordinate every last detail. To get all the glory if it succeeds and all the derision if it fails.

You think you’re going to have an aneurysm.

You need a drink. Grasping for the cup on your desk, you’re surprised when the taste on your lips isn’t coffee at all, but a decadently spiced tea instead. It’s decidedly autumnal, and even though it’s delicious, the surprise of it throws you for a loop. Taken aback, you look first at the cup, then up at Taehyung and back at the cup.

“ Taehyung, what drink is this?” You mutter in confusion.

“It’s a chai latte.” He responds without looking up.

“A what?”

“A caramel chai latte, actually.”

“Why-“

“The cafe put out their fall drinks today. Besides, I haven’t seen you drink coffee in a while. No sense turning you into a jittery mess with an americano. Figured I’d ease you back in.” He shrugged. You’re pretty sure there’s still plenty of caffeine in this drink if you remember correctly, but there are already too many points to argue about.

“I haven’t had coffee because my assistant stopped bringing it to me.” You frown.

“Be that as it may, my point stands, and You can’t tell me that doesn’t taste like fall in a cup.”

Taking another sip, you find he’s entirely right. The beautiful blend of spices reminds you of baking as a child, the rich swirl of cinnamon and clove settling in your bones like a welcome home.

“And what makes you think I’d like that?” You quip, making yourself wince. Why couldn’t you just tell him thank you?

Taehyung gives you a pointed look. There’s a weight in his gaze you don’t quite understand and don’t have time to decipher before he’s turning away and sighing.

“Because the whole world knows you love fall,” he shakes his head with his eyes on his work. “If you don’t like it, we can always trade.”

“Why? What did you get?”

“Pumpkin Spice Latte,” he states plainly as you scrunch your nose.

“No thanks, I’ll stick with this one.”

For the first time in what feels like forever, you hear a little huff of air leave his nose that sounds almost like a laugh. “What’s the problem?”

“There’s no problem. I just like my chai.”

“No, that’s not it.”

“Yes, it is, I’m very content with my drink.” You swallow a sip for emphasis.

“I know that. It’s a very you drink. I wanna know why you looked like you’d rather jump off a building than take a sip of my PSL.”

“Was it really necessary to refer to it by its acronym out loud?”

“It’s more efficient. Don’t try to distract me,” he wags one of his long, jeweled fingers in your direction. “Answer the question.”

Grimacing, you take another extended chug of your latte to stall. “Fine. I hate pumpkin, okay?”

Taehyung looks positively aghast.

“Are you insane? Do you hate kittens and babies too?”

“That is entirely out of line.”

“I’m not so sure it is. Do you also have a deep seated hatred for angels and miracles too?” He leans forward, face cradled in his chin as he studies you in disbelief.

“Look, I just don’t have a thing for pumpkin, all right? Which was a perfectly acceptable personality trait-“

“Flaw.”

“—Trait,” you correct, “until Starbucks’ marketing team went ape with that pumpkin spice latte guerrila marketing and now it’s a societal expectation that people have to like it or else-“

“— or else people will know your true identity as a witch who should be burned at the stake for her crimes against humanity,” he deadpans.

This. This is why you couldn’t say thank you.

“You know what? Not liking certain foods is perfectly normal. I don’t need to justify myself to you,” you huff, gathering up the haphazard stack of papers on your desk into a bundle. You don’t need this in your life. You can go work in the break room if necessary if that’s what it takes to avoid this scrutiny.

“I guess, but that doesn’t explain how the human embodiment of autumn hates her own season’s golden child fruit.”

“Gourd,” you correct. “ A pumpkin is a gourd, not a fruit.”

“Whatever,” he dismisses. “Actually, no. Don’t. That proves my point. Why do you know so much about it if you hate it?” Taehyung sing-songs with his arms crossed.

“Because I made it past eighth grade?” You shrug with an admittedly judgmental frown on your face.

“Touché. I didn’t make it past fourth clearly, so this is news to me.” He rolls his eyes at you, and if you weren’t so annoyed, some part of you would be relieved that he was at least talking to you again… if you weren’t so annoyed.

“Look, I love spice. I like cinnamon just fine. I like sweaters and cool crisp weather and rain and multicolor leaves crunching under my boots, but pumpkin and I just... never hit it off okay? It's just a preference thing, really,” you’re trying your best to sound nonchalant, despite being boggled that the conversation has lasted this long and desperately wanting to end it. You have other awful, career deciding stress to attend to. You don’t have time for his off-brand Sherlock theatrics.

“Bull crap. There’s a story here, and I don’t get why you won’t just share it.” Taehyung pouts over his tightly crossed arms. If he sticks those lips of his out any further, his face will probably start to cramp.

“Because. There’s nothing to tell,” you hiss, rising over the computer monitor to make sure he hears you loud and clear.

Mina chooses that exact moment to come sashaying by, and Taehyung immediately pounces on the opportunity to give his nonsense an audience.

“Mina, baby, my love- come over here!” He bellows, slipping his lanky fingers under the edge of her sweater’s cuff to pull her over. She tips over giggling until her bum is seated square on the edge of Taehyung’s desk, most likely enthralled by the pet names he’s just graced her with, no doubt.

“Taehyungie, shush. People will hear,” she blushes but says entirely too loud, preening under his praise and fishing for more.

“Let them, my love.” He crinkles his nose up at her, snapping his teeth at the air, and you’re pretty sure Mina has transformed into an entirely different state of matter- some gloopy puddle or a puff of evaporated glitter- you’re not sure which, but either way, she’s simping all over your workspace and you’d much rather get on with your day.

“I hate to interrupt all this fun, but I do actually have things of my own to attend to, so if you don’t mind, I’ll be excusing my-“

“Sugarplum, get this: y/n doesn’t believe in pumpkins.” Taehyung whisper-announces like the petty town gossip he is as Mina gasps.

“Like, she doesn’t believe they exist?” She asks, peeking over her shoulder to survey you like the circus oddity you are.

“For Christ’s sake. I didn’t-“

“No, like as a religious belief. She thinks Pumpkin Spice Latte’s are Satan and Lillith’s first born child,” Taehyung explains.

“Y/n!” Mina chides, voice full of shame and shock, as her small palm rushes to brace against her ample bosom.

Dropping your stack of files on the desk, you drag your hands over your eyes.

“You know, Taehyung, one of these days, I’m going to walk straight up to your desk with a number two pencil and just stab you right between the eyes,” you grit.

“Oof,” he winces. “What an imaginative way to die. Do you think about this often?”

“Only every day.” You smile.

“In such stunning detail too? I’m sure Michelle in HR would love to know that. Might have to drop her a post it note.” He eyes you with concern, and you feel your blood pressure flair.

“You do that,” you challenge, teeth locked in the unfriendliest smile your face can create, as you try to remember what you learned about regulating your breathing from that one semester you got into meditation, but find yourself coming up short. Maybe this is what they meant about it being easier to draw on if you made it a habit.

“Why do you hate the best part about fall though, y/n?” Mina asks like she really wants to know, but also like she’s a little bit afraid of you.

“There’s no additional reason! Why does no one believe me?” You’re on the verge of screaming now. What was that sound? Did a blood vessel just pop?

“Because people don’t have hysterical breakdowns over having their buttons pushed when there’s ‘nothing there’” Taehyung pantomimes two absurdly large quotation marks as you squint so forcefully at him that you can feel a tension headache forming.

“Fine!” You stand, slamming your palms on your desk. “You wanna know the real reason why??”

“Yes,” Taehyung says airily. “That’s what I’ve been asking for the last fifteen minutes, isn’t it?” His brows lift over his angled face as if to say ‘duh’ as he picks at lint on his trousers.

“You insufferable little— you wanna know the truth so damn bad? Fine! Here it is: I really genuinely didn't like the taste of pumpkin as a kid. Truly. And everyone knew it. So to have a little fun with me, my sixth grade crush Joey Mancuso got my attention by asking me on a date but when I looked his way, he yelled psych! And pumpkin pied me in the face! In front of the whole grade at lunch. I had pumpkin pie filling in my ears for three days! It was a nightmare! So there? You happy? There’s your why okay???”

You’ve been gesturing wildly out of frustration and now that you’re done, you’re panting, chest heaving as you loom above Mina and Taehyung, both of whom look both concerned and afraid respectively. Heads around the office have turned to look your way at the commotion, all of them disappearing like gophers back into their holes the instant you make eye contact with them.

“Oh my god, that’s awful,” Mina cringes, beautiful face scrunched in horror, but instead of comforting you, you catch the way she inches her hips away from you, like emotional instability might be contagious if she sits too close to it.

“What a dick,” Taehyung sneers,” But still, why blame the noble pumpkin for his foolish transgression? It’s not the pumpkin’s fault it was wielded by that little asshat.”

Suddenly, you get it. You understand why cartoon character’s vision turns a sloppy shade of red when they're angry, because as you look at Taehyung's clueless face, all you see is scarlet and the urgent need to asphyxiate him.

“Why you little— are you serious right now?!”

“As a heart attack,” he tips his head confidently.

“That’s what you got from that story???” You shriek.

This absolute son of a — You’re sure there’s something about how to handle this in one of those new hire pamphlets on “de escalating tension in the workplace” but at the moment, none of it seems relevant. All you really want to do right now is smash his pretty little head into the desk so he’ll be quiet, but you know that definitely isn’t on the list of conflict resolution tips, so you flex your knuckles instead and just try to imagine it.

“You know what? If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the fourth floor commons working on the itinerary for Vogue’s fall gala and ignoring you until you dematerialize into dust,” you snarl at Taehyung as you snatch up your laptop and huff away.

“Hey! You forgot your drink!” Taehyung calls out.

It takes everything in you not to cap your rampage off by flipping him off and adding an extra sprinkled dash of a shouted “fuck you” at him as you stomp away. You breathe harsh through your nose as you exhale, proud of yourself for having that modicum of professionalism, at least.

You were wrong earlier , you think. It’s better when he doesn’t speak.

─────────────────────

Series Masterlist

96 notes · View notes

juniorgman187 · 4 years ago

Text

More Than You Know (Spencer Reid Imagine)

Summary: After Reader goes through a life-threatening situation, the only person who can help her is the person that landed her in the situation in the first place - Spencer.

Category: Angst Couple: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid Content Warning: Cussing, mentions of violent attack, allusions to PTSD Word Count: 2.1K

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Hate is a very strong word. A word that was specifically reserved for your feelings towards Spencer Reid.

You loathed that man, or should you say boy, with every fiber of your being. Ever since you joined the unit, he had it out for you. He’d brutally ignore you for long periods of time, refused to collaborate with you, and when he did acknowledge you - the attention wasn’t exactly rewarding. He’d correct you, talk over you when you tried to speak, or sometimes he’d just flat out insult you. You didn’t know what you did to provoke him or what made you so deserving of his harsh treatment, but you wouldn’t stand for it. You weren’t just going to be a doormat, so you thought: an eye for an eye. If he was going to disrespect you, you weren’t going to respect him. You had no problems playing nice, though. In fact, it was a game between the two of you. Whenever you’d have dinner at Rossi’s or there was a special occasion that the entire team attended, you two were the best of friends. It was an unspoken rule that you and Spencer were to be on your best behavior at formal functions. You’d smile at each other, compliment one another, even laugh together. It was all just an act, none of it was real, but it was fun to play. Your dynamic confused the team, but it made perfect sense to you. If Spencer treated you poorly, you would do the same. If he treated you nicely, you had no problems reciprocating a good attitude back. It was all dependent on him. His behavior dictated who he would deal with - the angel or the devil.

Today you came into work, even though you really shouldn’t have. Just a few days prior, you’d managed to dislocate your knee after an unsub surprised you from behind. And who was to blame but the genius himself who suggested, ‘Let’s split up.’ Because you two separated, you were left to trek the forest all by your lonesome and clearly, it didn’t work in your favor.

Even though you were badly wounded, you couldn’t let your paperwork build up, and you knew you’d get too distracted at home to focus on it, so you came to work late at night when you knew no one would be around to reprimand you or send you packing. You definitely should’ve been taking a break, but you were a workaholic at heart and not even a dislocated knee would change that.

When you opened the glass doors, you were pleased to see that you were all alone. With your crutches to help you, you finally got to your desk. You flicked on your desk lamp and gathered the large stack of papers from your pull out cabinet.

“You’re not supposed to be back yet.” A voice chimed from behind you.

No fucking way.

You were so pissed off at him that you didn’t even want to look at him.

“So is this where you’ve been? In the office while the rest of the team visited me in the hospital?” It was a passive-aggressive comment referring to the fact that your ‘teammate’ who was responsible for your injury didn’t even have the decency to come to the hospital to see you. It wasn’t like you particularly wanted him there but that was the least he could’ve done.

He didn’t even answer because he was so much of a scaredy cat.

“That’s what I thought.” You added, returning to your work.

It was most likely a cruel joke conceived by Hotch that Spencer’s desk was right across from yours. Because just when you thought you could do your paperwork peacefully, there he was, taking his seat in front of you. The privacy dividers weren’t tall enough to shield you from his stupid face and his stupid stares.

You’d dealt with his staring all of five minutes before finally speaking up. “Do you need something?” You sassily asked, looking right back at him as he simply stared and sipped at his coffee.

He pouted his lips a little and shrugged. “Nope. I’m good.”

Oh, so it’s gonna be like that?

“What are you even doing here?” Anger thickly coated your tone.

“Just enjoying my coffee.” He devilishly grinned. The fact that he was acting so nonchalant pissed you off even more.

You blew it off and averted your eyes from the soul-sucking devil doctor and got back to work. Apparently, it wasn’t enough to watch you while you worked, because he started sipping loudly from his mug. The slurping noise was ear-splitting. It was one of your biggest pet-peeves and somehow, Reid knew that. Loud chewers and drink slurpers had a special place in hell according to you. Reid did too, but you weren’t going to give him the satisfaction of seeing you implode from his annoying behavior. So instead of reacting, you simply looked up from the papers, smiled, leaned over his desk, grabbed the cup from his hands, and took a long drawn out sip. You pressed your lips so hard onto the rim that it left a lipstick stain when you were done with it. You placed the cup right back onto his desk, making sure to turn the lipstick mark towards him. You sat back down with a smug look on your face.

Take that, germaphobe.

“Mmm, that was really good coffee. I needed that. Thanks a bunch, Sebastian.” Oh did you forget to mention? Rather than calling him Spencer, you’d deliberately say a different guy name that started with S just to piss him off. The first few times he actually corrected you, but after a while, he just gave up entirely. That was your first victory in the long line of battles between you and him.

Reid glared at you with dark eyes. “That was real cute. But is that all you got?”

“I mean, I could suggest splitting up while pursuing an unsub, so you’re all alone while being brutally attacked, but then again, I’m not that cruel.” You spat. You wanted him to feel your wrath. You hoped that he felt so guilty and torn up over his mistake that he couldn’t even sleep at night. You wanted him to know just how scary it was being in the dark, being beaten by someone much stronger than you, being completely alone.

As the awful memory started to replay in your mind, you felt tears pricking at your eyes. You momentarily rose from your seat, planning on composing yourself in the restroom, but you still had more to say.

“What were you even thinking, Reid? Splitting up? I mean, you of all people know what can happen when people split up. Remember Tobias?” This touched a nerve, but he didn’t get angry. No, he actually looked sorry.

“Do you know the first thing I did when he jumped me?” It was a rhetorical question so you continued to tell him. “I yelled for you. I yelled out your name three times. I needed you, Reid. I needed you, and you did nothing. Could you not hear me or were you just ignoring me like you always do?” Tears were spilling from your eyes at a million miles per second now. You wiped them away to hide your weakness and exasperatingly flung your arms.

“I thought I was gonna die, dude! I actually felt like I was on the verge of death. And you were the first person I asked for. Not Hotch. Not Morgan. Or Rossi. Or JJ. Or Prentiss. You. You were the person I wanted to come and save me, but no. You couldn’t resist letting me struggle on my own . . . I hope that haunts you at night. I hope you never forget what your negligence could’ve done. I hope you’re forever tormented by the thought of showing up to my funeral with the knowledge that you treated me like complete shit while I was alive. I hope you dwell on the image of my family crying over my dead body, while you stand there watching - knowing that you were the only person who could’ve prevented my death.” You were laying it on thick, but you didn’t even feel a single ounce of guilt. Why should you? He deserved to know that his actions had consequences. “How’s that for cruel, Reid?”

You stood up completely using your crutches to hobble to the bathroom. You were finished with your sermon and it felt good to speak and not be interrupted by him. To release all the pent up anger you harbored. Reid was at a complete loss for words, just as he should’ve been. And just before you exited the glass doors, you turned around.

“You know, what the worst part is? That even after all of that, I was still ready to console you and tell you that it wasn’t your fault after I came out of surgery. I was ready to forgive you at the hospital. But you didn’t even have the heart to be there . . . now I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive you.”

You pushed the doors open and didn’t look back. Heading for the bathroom, you staggered as fast as your one foot and two crutches could carry you. When you finally got there, your upper body collapsed onto the sink and the crutches fell out from under your arms. The mirror exposed your appearance to yourself and it was horrifying how you barely recognized yourself.

Your eyes were red and swollen from crying, with the right one still faintly black and blue from a fading bruise. Your face was covered in scratches that came from the twigs you squirmed in while trying to escape. There was a small band aid on the bridge of your nose where he punched you to silence you after you called Reid’s name for the third time. The sounds of your own muffled cries and labored breathing repeated in your mind over and over again. You could actually feel his hands around your neck suffocating you again. You were breathless from crying so hard. Your wails ricocheted off the bathroom walls. The only stability you had came from clutching the sink as your body rocked back and forth with each sob. Had you wept any louder, you wouldn’t have heard the bathroom door open. In the mirror, you could see Reid silently approaching.

“Get out!” You screeched. He didn’t listen and instead came even closer with outstretched arms.

“No! I hate you!” You backed away from him and right into a wall. You had nowhere to go with his frame completely blocking you from escaping. “I hate you!” You repeated, beating his chest with the side of your balled up fists.

“I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” You screamed. Each beat on his chest grew weaker and weaker as you succumbed to the pain.

“I know. I know,” He softly answered. “Come here, Y/N.” Putting his arms around you. This time, you didn’t stop him. He held you in his arms, nuzzling his head in the crook of your neck. You couldn’t hug him back yet. Your hands stayed glued to your sides while your cries started subsiding.

“I’m -” He choked up before he could even say the rest. “I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

His shaky voice made you whimper. He was genuinely sorry, but it didn’t change things.

“I hate you.” You muttered once more. This one didn’t sound as violent as the previous ones. You’d repeated it so many times it lost its meaning because it wasn’t true. It wasn’t a word specifically reserved for Reid anymore, because you didn’t hate him. Not at all.

Reid heard the change of tone in your voice and squeezed you even harder.

He didn’t hate you either.

Slowly, you accepted his hug. At first, your palms were flat against his shoulder blades, but eventually, you let your arms wrap around his neck completely.

“I don’t know if I can do this job anymore.” You honestly confessed. It was true. Ever since the attack, it started pervading your every breath. Not a second went by that you didn’t think about it. It was at the front of your mind at all times.

“You’re so much stronger than you think - more than you know.” Spencer told you. You wanted to believe him. You wanted his words to help, but they couldn’t. It wasn’t enough.

“When is it finally time to give up?” This was a question that had been on your mind a lot as of recently. At what point do you bow out? When is it time to call it quits? How do you know when you’ve had enough? How do you know how much more you can take before you break? Was there an answer to any of that? Apparently so.

“Growing might feel like breaking at first, Y/N.”

Courage is not having the strength to go on; it is going on when you don’t have the strength.

- Theodore Roosevelt

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

#angst #spencer reid #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid drabble

623 notes · View notes

gascon-en-exil · 3 years ago

Text

And with that I've finished Triangle Strategy. Comments on the second half of the golden route.

These last three chapters play out like a variation on Benedict's route: Exharme dies in a cavalry charge in the field, Lyla is fought (but here not killed) in the streets, and then it's the final battle against a magically oversized Idore, his robot hierophant, and her exploding marionettes. It's not terribly challenging once you figure out how Idore's invincibility gimmick works.

I can't say that Idore is a compelling villain, but he becomes unintentionally more interesting in that his motivation is at last revealed to essentially be Fire Emblem's thesis statement. Even without divine or supernatural beings humans will still fight because of their own weaknesses, and so he lost faith in both the goddess and humanity and so sought to control the people with corpse-powered immortality magic and an undying hierophant with no voice but what he gave to her. Serenoa gives the usual hero spiel about believing in people, but TS is at least realistic enough not to turn its "real" epilogue into an unambiguously happy ever after.

Said epilogue takes the form of Roland becoming king of a unified Norzelia but arriving at that point gradually, with self-governing territories (led by Svarog and Lyla, since everyone else is dead) and open trade borders. No word on how Hyzante's economy survives the devaluation of salt, or if it even does since that part of the epilogue is all about Lyla holding everyone together somehow and sharing her medical research with the world to everyone's benefit. Svarog has to put down a (counter) coup from Gustadolph's loyalists, and I wonder who's supposed to rule Aesfrost after him since hereditary rule remains the law of the land and Svarog's line has ended. I suppose the unspoken assumption is that House Wolffort will take over Aesfrost then via Frederica - and there's cause for a future war right here if civil unrest doesn't tear Hyzante apart...or Serenoa's kids don't start a succession crisis over the throne Glenbrook, because he does tell Roland that they're brothers here too. This happens in a sequence where Serenoa has long talks with both Benedict and Roland, allowing them to apologize for how they acted prior to the final vote and reaffirm that Benedict will continue serving House Wolffort and that Serenoa won't seek the crown even when offered, although he apparently does take all of the Roselle under his dominion. You may notice I've not mentioned someone here...

...and that's because Serenoa and Frederica don't speak to each other at all during this epilogue, even though it ends with their wedding. I swear, TS often feels actually afraid of writing romance scenes, even of the most banal variety, and I came away from this ending thinking that the route that ships Serenoa/Frederica the hardest is in fact the one where Serenoa dies. I guess it's cute that Erador and Geela cry at their wedding and that we see Lyla reunited with her son Quahaug (a conviction-based recruit interacting with the main plot, imagine that), but the scene cutting to credits just before they walk down the aisle practically demands that the player take up the story from there...except their relationship is so bland that I wouldn't want to even if I were into M/F.

Speaking of ship dynamics I'm not much into, Cordelia and Avlora are together at the wedding, and Avlora's character stories (which I had to grind a bit to see) continue to use Cordelia as her primary motivation. I believe I can confidently say that theirs is the single gayest relationship in all of TS, despite there being no solid romantic foundation. That's where fanon is going to have to step in.

#Triangle Strategy

5 notes · View notes

rjhpandapaws · 3 years ago

Text

Something Familiar

Chapter 1: Conditional Exchange

Sharing his house with someone else after years of living alone took some getting used to. And while he was a horrible patient, Silas was a great housemate. Daniel didn’t know how much of that came naturally to Silas, and how much of it was his fear of getting kicked out. He’d done enough prying already so he wasn’t all that inclined to ask. That and Silas has only just started talking to him after they had made their contract. The contract was a simple thing; Daniel would provide healing and a place to stay in exchange for magic. The conditions were that Silas remain in an animal form whenever Daniel had company or patients; and Daniel couldn’t alter Silas’s consciousness or state of awareness without explicit permission to do so. It was a small thing and Silas still hadn’t spoken to him anymore than what was strictly necessary for three and a half months. Of course things had come to a head eventually because Daniel had never been one to mind his own business. In a fight that he had ultimately caused, he learned a whole lot more about what Silas had been through than he had ever thought he would be allowed to know. Exactly how many traumatic things their contract had brought back to the fore front of his mind. It had made Daniel feel sick and he had done what he could to make it up to Silas. Which amounted to leaving the house for a little over a week so Silas could have room to breathe.

Understandably, things changed after that. Daniel learned to tread more carefully around Silas and made more of an effort to learn about his situation. It was admittedly something he should have done before they made the contract. It was too late to change anything though, as it had already been drawn up and sealed. They still agreed to new unspoken rules and began to live more like housemates than contracted partners. He spent a lot of time teaching Silas about the things he had missed. Silas taught him long forgotten healing magic and a few secrets that had been lost when the shapeshifter settlements had been destroyed. They used very little magic and almost felt like cheating compared to what he was used to. Daniel was tentative to call them friends, but at the very least they were no longer strangers in the same space. Silas often had horrible nightmares. Daniel was woken up pretty often to his cries of fear or pain, and on some occasions screaming. Though the nights those dreams didn’t wake Silas were the ones that worried him most. In the morning he would find Silas on the balcony watching the sunrise with tea or coffee in his hands, still steaming but long forgotten all the same. Some days he would be crying silently, and some days he would be blank and neutral; but there was always this hollow distance darkening his eyes.

As soon as he woke up Daniel knew he would find Silas on the balcony. The night had been a quiet one with no screaming and no tears. Which meant whatever had chosen to haunt him would be doing so in his waking hours instead. Daniel wished almost desperately that there was something he could do to help, but Silas never answered him when he offered. He would just look at him with that dark oppressive distance in his eyes. So lost to whatever memories that had chosen to torture him that Daniel was unable to reach him. He took his time to get out of bed and ready for the day. Silas wouldn’t be ready to talk for a while, and it didn’t matter when Daniel came up to check on him. Despite knowing that it wouldn’t be eaten until it had long gone cold if at all he still made Silas breakfast. Though he had gained some of it back, Silas was still concerningly underweight. Daniel made his way up to the balcony with the try. There Silas stood. As close to the edge of the balcony as he could get with the railing in his way. There were trying tear tracks on his cheeks and the steam of his coffee was curling away into the morning light. He always used the same mug. A pale nondescript thing that he had found in the back of one of Daniel’s cabinets. The difference today was that the distance in his eyes was somehow darker, and he held the mug in a white knuckle grip.

Whatever was after him this morning had to be particularly painful. As it always did, Daniel’s curiosity weighed heavily on him. He knew better than to ask though. Silas never answered him when he was like this. Which is exactly why Daniel nearly jumped out of his skin when he spoke. “There were three of us you know.” His voice was flat as he spoke. There was no emotion to it, not even pain. His grip tightened on the coffee cup and Daniel feared it might break. Silas didn’t seem to notice, “That made it out. Me and then two of my brothers. I lost them in our mad dash to get out, and now I don’t even know if they are alive.” He blinked and fresh tears rolled down his cheeks, “After everything we had been through I couldn’t be bothered to stay. I ran like a fucking coward and sold myself out in a desperate bid to survive. Some fucking brother I am.” For all his wishing that Silas would speak his mind, Daniel didn’t actually know how to respond now that he knew. Saying that he was sorry felt hollow and fake, and not to mention it was too little way too late. He couldn’t really relate; he and Simon had parted ways amicably. Daniel set the tray down and tried to gather his thoughts. Figure out a way to bring Silas some long overdue comfort. If there was even a way to soothe such deep regret.

He was out of his depth and grasping at straws at this point. “In a few weeks you’ll be healed enough to safely handle mildly strenuous activity. We could go looking for them if you would like.” “Why? So you can add them to your collection?” Came the sharp reply. Angry and emotionless at the same time, “So you can have a complete set of the last shapeshifters known to man?” “No.” Daniel said firmly, “So you can have some damn closure and a place to go once this contract is up. I actually want you to be safe believe it or not.” There was a long rather uncomfortable silence as Silas came back from whatever distant place in his mind that held him. His shoulders slumped as he came into the posture of a man defeated by his own thoughts. He set the mug down on the table beside the tray and Daniel saw the start of a crack. He would have to mend it one of these days so Silas could keep using it. “I’m sorry.” Silas said eventually. “You have been nothing but kind to me, and yet I still fear completely offering you my trust. You may very well be the only human with my best interests at heart and I keep pushing you away.” He finally turned to face Daniel and there was a deep sadness to his eyes, grief hung over him, “I'll think about it but that is asking a lot of faith from me; and for now I think I would rather be alone.”

“I understand.” Daniel kept his voice level though it took him a lot of effort, “I’ll be in the house if you need me.” Silas gave an absent nod and Daniel went back inside. Perhaps he shouldn’t have offered at all. Looking back, it did seem like he had malicious intent in that. He hadn’t meant it that way of course, but all of the humans Silas had ever met had been unspeakably cruel to him. Daniel should have been more careful with his words, or just kept the idea to himself. It was too late now of course, it was out there now and there was no taking it back no matter how badly he wanted to. He set about cleaning the house to keep himself occupied. He wasn’t expecting any patients today, so barring an emergency, all he had to keep his mind busy was cleaning an research. Had he been feeling particularly ambitious, he might have started on a travel plan; but he didn’t want it to seem like he was trying to push Silas toward an answer. He sighed quietly, “Good to know I still have a knack for getting in over my head when it comes to trying to help. Some things never change I suppose.” It was just his nature to be overly concerned for those around him to the point of being an annoyance it seemed.

The afternoon was slowly turning to evening by the time Silas was ready to be around him again. He didn’t say a word though. Just walked into the kitchen and began to clean his dishes. Daniel was at the table going over his medical books and making a list of things he would need to pick up the next time he went into town. He was glad to see Silas had at least eaten something while he battled with his thoughts. Silas seemed a little more composed now at the very least. That made him feel a little better, even if it didn’t shake off his guilt. “I’m sorry Silas.” He eventually said, “For this morning. It was insensitive and out of line.” Silas laughed and the sound was dry and humorless. It was an unpleasant shock to Daniel. He had never heard Silas laugh and this was definitely not the context he had wanted to hear it in. “Was it?” He asked sharply, “Are you rescinding your offer to help me find my only remaining relatives then?” “Well no.” Daniel started. “I just - I wanted you to know that I meant no offense by it. I feel like I’ve messed something up, and I want to know how to fix it.” He sighed quietly, “I hate seeing you so upset.”

Silas deflated some and that same posture of defeat returned, “It’s a matter of learning to trust you. My entire life so far has been spent fearing humans. I just have to keep in mind that you haven’t posed any danger to me yet.” He looked down, “I’m sorry for being so... defensive, I guess would be the word for it.” “You’re alright.” Daniel said gently, “These things take time. Even at that you have a lot of trauma to work through and - “ “Daniel stop.” Silas cut him off, “I need someone to listen to me not psychoanalysis. Believe me, I am well aware of my trauma and the power imbalance of our dynamic. I don’t need a reminder.” “Right.” He replied, “It can be hard to turn my doctor off sometimes.” “I understand. It’s the only way people will acknowledge you so it has become your primary mode of existing.” He said, apparently he was out for Daniel’s soul today, “You’re more than that to me you know. You’re the closest thing I’ve had to a friend actually.” “First of all ow. Secondly, what happened to not psychoanalyzing one another?” He replied with a laugh, “I’m glad you almost think of me as a friend.”

Silas smiled and Daniel was pretty sure it was the first real smile he had ever seen from him. “I figured that you’ve done it to me enough times that I deserved a turn.” “Fair enough.” Daniel began to pick up his books and put them away. His list was as complete as it was going to get until he ran inventory. “How many weeks?” Silas asked after a long stretch of silence, “Until we can leave?” Daniel paused for a moment as he thought about it, “Six if you mind your limitations; eight to twelve if you keep ignoring them.” Silas frowned, “That was a lot more than I was hoping.” “You’ve been stubborn.” He remarked, “Agitating old injuries and coming away from your little excursions with new ones. You need rest.” “Fine.” He said as he looked toward the bookshelf, “I’ll be a better patient from here on out. Six weeks to look for a place to start should be enough.” Daniel smiled, “Of course it will.” Silas nodded his agreement and retreated back into his thoughts. He took traveler’s guides and the few maps Daniel had then settled on his bed to look them over. Daniel started to run inventory of his supplies and started on a list of traveling provisions. They would have to be ready for anything. Daniel had never traveled farther than the town after finding his place here; and the world had changed a lot since Silas had been in it last. They were venturing out into the unknown.

#Something Familiar #SF AU #daniel60 #dbh daniel #dbh sixty #fantasy au #dbh fic #dbh #mental health tw #ptsd tw

9 notes · View notes

sanktagenyas · 4 years ago

Text

ok so i finally watched those last three episodes. i said buckle up it’s time to suffer and by the saints did i ever suffer. i just knew the darklina scenes were gonna be rough to watch. it was already rough reading the scenes as they were written in book one. i mean the darkling just shines with his intelligence in that chapter, doesn’t he? threaten the man she loves? well the other man she loves? check! tell her she betrayed you when the reality is you’ve been telling half truths all along and didn’t trust her to make her choices? check!

buddy this isn’t how you apologize. in the show itself it’s pretty much the same back and forth that leads nowhere. you lied to me! you ran off because my mother told you i’m not who i say i am without giving me a chance to explain! you’ve been lying or bending the truth since we met! YOU TURNED YOUR BACK ON YOUR COUNTRY!

by that point i was just like chill the fuck out man you’re about to decimate many many countrymen and you know it. i loved that the stop they made was all about him getting revenge on the man who attempted on alina’s life, that was very unhinged of him and i was HERE for that shit but everyone else in that port? every other woman and child and man on that port? not all of them played a hand and he just went ahead and had them slaughtered without batting an eye. and it’s not like he has some kind of safeguard for grishas does he? how does he know there’s no grisha wherever he’s expanding the fold? some could be in hiding because they fled, because they didn’t want to serve the king. oh well he doesn’t really care about those people does he? we all saw how he spoke about those deserters to arken.

also he could NOT handle alina’s harsh truths about how his own actions are harming grisha close to him even though he claims that every choice he’s made was to protect them and empower them. when she brought up genya i was like yes you better look down you motherfucker! you did this to her, you delivered to her abuser over and over.

we saw his backstory, some of it and he acted out of grief and rage. he toyed with magic he did not understand and of course he didn’t intend this but his reaction to the fold once it was all said and done was definitely foreshadowing what he was to become. i created something he said defiantly. you created something you don’t have control over. and now he’s done it again somehow, he’s got brand new creatures following him at the end.

i actually felt for young aleksander for losing the woman he loved but the arrogance and the recklessness he showed there is still the same arrogance he has now. he thinks he has thought his plan through but that’s just working off the assumption that no one opposes him ever otherwise he went ahead and put a target on grisha’s backs. he definitely put a target on alina’s back although i know that was never the plan. the fact that when he has a perfectly good remedy to the fold, a chance to actually fix his mistakes once and for all he turns its back and decides to make it ten times worse, chooses ruling via fear over hope is jusr a sign of how far he’s gone. and he didn’t waver once not even when alina was pleading with him that he could have made her his equal, that they could have stayed together and made ravka safe together if only he gave her a choice, he was still manipulative and lied to her face.

at this point i just don’t think his love for her outweighs his belief that he knows what’s best for ravka, what’s the best way to protect grisha. because he doesn’t care about anyone who isn’t grisha at all. he was persecuted like so many others. he won a war for a king centuries and that king turned on him. i’m sure he’s looking at the current one knowing that once grisha have exhausted their uses that king will turn on him too. the fold is just a different kind of war and if he wins that one for the king the darkling already knows what the outcome will be.

so to summarize this whole darkling commentary here i understand where he is coming from, i understand the fear and the rage and the desperation. it’s not working out for him though. he’s feared but he’s alone. for every ivan there’s a zoya. for every man who’s blindly loyal to him there’ll be someone rising up to oppose him eventually. and if it’s not his own people it’ll be non grisha folks. he has the second army working for him still, but he is alone. and that’s no one’s fault but his own because alina was willing to work with him.

speaking of alina i loved every second of her rising up to oppose him telling him she never needed him. she may have fallen in love with him but she never actually needed him to be powerful, she only needed to free herself of the restraints she’d put on her powers out of fear. i also thought that the way she freed herself of his control made more sense than it did in the books.

i have hope for darklina still despite all that’s happened despite how positively full of rage ans resentment she is because she still loves him, she still listened when he pleaded with her that they needed each other if they wanted to deal with the fold. of course there’s the slight issue of him lying directly and manipulating her to do his bidding and of course the fact that he took her power from her. the only thing that was her and he perverted it for his own gain. i think it just might take more than a year for her to forgive him i’m afraid. i don’t necessarily see a path to redemption right now but reconciliation? alina can be merciful, she can be forgiving. i think all it would really take is just one selfless act, one show of good faith. if he keeps pursuing her and mal and keep trying to rob her of her agency however i don’t see them ever having any kind of closure.

i don’t think i need to expand much more on my thoughts on malina. i’m not feeling what the show wants me to feel. i’m not seeing them as these soulmates that belong together. to me they’d be better of as best friends. the darkling didn’t make her strong he tried to steal her strength for his own use but mal doesn’t make her strong either, she relies too much on him. mal actually was pretty damn resourceful when left on his own. i unfortunately couldn’t say the same for alina. co-dependant love is not better than toxic love and darklina’s toxicity (most of it) comes from the lies and from the darkling repeatedly choosing for alina. he’s not brave enough to just tell her what he intends to do and let her decide whether to align herself with him so he lies and he deceives instead. not much he can do to undo it now but he could help actually destroy the fold if he wanted to. i don’t know if he’ll ever come around to it though.

the darkling visiting mal with the sole purpose to rub it in his face that alina and he are immortal and so eventually mal will die and then he could just swoop in was just peak comedy. the way he delivered that line too you’d think he was talking to an insect not another human being. it was brilliant. mal echoing that same line but ending it with “the past will do it for me” was pretty good, nice quip i’ll give mal that but also terribly ironic when you see the ending.

team crows remains the highlight for me. kaz and inej and their unspoken love for each other is just killing me. i can tell there are personal traumas there that i don’t know about (gotta read those damn books and quick) what with kaz not being able to help tend to her wounds and the fact that there were moments were i could see there was maybe a kiss about to happen or an embrace (at the end when kaz let alina go free and made a deal not to rat her out) and it just didn’t happen. there’s a story there about kaz and his distaste for being touched/touching others. jesper is just here to look pretty, shoot shit and be the most charming person in any crowd. i’m in love. also someone give him his goat back for the love of god.

nina and mathias were entertaining for sure. with all that banter and all these jabs i should have really seen them falling for one another coming. i felt like it was perhaps a bit rushed but i guess there’s nothing like almost freezing to death together to make you reconsider your views. you know the whole saving of lives thing can really bond you. the waffle date was adorable. was not expecting nina to just brand herself a traitor for him and she’s damn lucky fyedor came on that mission because i’m pretty sure ivan wouldn’t even have offered to keep her name out of the report. she and mathias ended their story both heartbroken and separated. i really hate that he thinks this was all intentional. really hope she’ll join the crows on their next con job. and i also cannot wait to see the look on heleen’s face when kaz buys inej’s freedom.

i was not at all expecting zoya to turn against the darkling. that’s what happens when you turned down one of your fuck buddies, aleksander they get bitter and then they leave you to be eaten alive by volcras. ok but in all seriousness she did the right thing and i hope she finds her family even if they’re not alive so she can say her goodbyes.

oh and completely unrelated but since i talked about heights of comedy before i really need more sassy! darkling in my life. he is everything. that quip about his speech. the way he said adorable like he was gagging on the word. him just letting david be his dorkiest self and raise his hand before speaking, that little put upon sigh. i love sassy! darkling almost as much as jealous and petty darkling which is saying a lot. just more of that. it humanizes him, i’m tired of villains who are forever stoic and stone face.

i think i about covered everyone and everything that happened in those remaining episodes. all in all shadow and bone is an amazing adaptation, really faithful to the first book. they made some changes to the characters which in turn changed some dynamics (alina actually admitted she wanted to be with the darkling. out loud. to his face. book!alina would never and book!darkling would never cry in front of her.) but it made for surprising viewing. it also made me become even more attached to some characters (the darkling let’s be real) which made me care more which is why i was livid when they started making a lot of terrible no good choices.

i was just really blown away by this show and the way the grishaverse was brought to life and above all major props to the actors who all just seemed to be born to play their respective roles.

#shadow and bone spoilers #sab spoilers #darklina #alina starkov #aleksander morozova #inej ghafa #nina zenik #mathias helvar #jesper fahey #kaz brekker #zoya nazyalensky

11 notes · View notes

krreader · 5 years ago

Text

BTS (Hogwarts!AU) → soulmates, but from rivalry houses.

pairing: bts x reader fandom: bts warnings: non idol!au ; hogwarts!au ; soulmates!au ; language genre: angst ; fluff word count: 2.3k+

a/n: you are a treasure @jminacious and I really hope you like this ♥

kim seokjin (you touch your soulmate, your respective color appears on them)

It wasn't usually this hot. If you had to guess, you'd say someone messed up a spell and changed the weather, but according to your friends, that wasn't possible (they've never met Hermione Granger then.)

Nevertheless, you and your group of friends, not caring about the rules of not bathing in the Great Lake, obviously did just that and were having the time of your life, until a group of Gryffindors came along and decided to ruin the mood.

“You can't be in there,” you knew the guy. Kim Seokjin. He was one of the top students, one of the most liked students and the one that every girl fell for. And he was handsome, but he was also a little stuck up in your opinion.

“Oh, come on, Jinnie,” you giggled, getting out of the water and pushing your hair back.

“Don't call me that.”

“I know you like that, though,” you grinned and touched his cheek, your eyes immediately widening when you saw green on his skin, then sparks flying out from under your hand before you finally pulled it back.

And then the awkward silence began and the only one who didn't know what was going on was Jin, because he hadn't seen it himself.

“What's going on?” he asked.

“Oh my god, I can't believe HE'S your soulmate!” your friends said, even Jin's friends staring at him weirdly.

“Stop playing around, you guys, this isn't..-” but when Jin wrapped his hand around your wrist, red lines appeared on your skin and traveled all the way up your arm until Jin let go again.

You didn't hate each other, you just didn't really like each other very much either, so being soulmates was.. weird. You didn't understand it and neither did any of your friends, but you couldn't stop thinking about that day for weeks after.

You pretended like you didn't care, but the reality was a much different one.

A few weeks later you waited for him, made sure he was alone this time to have a little talk with him.

“If you have a problem, then just..-”

“Can I..-?” you weren't sure how to even ask this. Can I touch you? That sounded very wrong. But while Jin was surprised, he seemed to know what you meant, you raised your hand and waited for his small nod to gently place it on his cheek like you had done the last time.

And even though the light was green, something that Jin could see in the reflection of your eyes.. he didn't hate it.

It.. made your eyes look.. beautiful.

min yoongi (telepathic communication)

'God, I really need a drink,' Yoongi thought to himself as he watched countless of couples laugh around him, while he sat there on his own, drowning in self-pity.

The Yule Ball was supposed to be a fun event, but Yoongi hadn't asked anyone to go with him because he had pretended like he didn't care and now he was here on his own and really regretted his decision.

'Didn't anyone ask you, Min?'

He immediately rolled his eyes, 'I thought we agreed not to talk to each other like that anymore. Or at all. I don't want you in my head, (Y/L/N).'

'Aw, admit that you're lonely and that you like this.'

Out of every single person in this world, his soulmate had to be a Gryffindor.

'Leave me alone.'

“No, I think I'd rather join you.”

For a moment Yoongi was confused because he thought he had really heard your voice and when he turned his head you were indeed standing there with two drinks in your hand.

“What are you doing here?”

“You said you needed a drink, so I brought you one,” you sat down next to him and gave it to him, “These balls suck anyways. All you can do is drink.”

Yoongi looked at you for a long time and even though you didn't say it, he heard you say in your head: 'But only if nobody asks you to go.'

Yoongi didn't respond, he simply sat there with you in silence and the two of you drank.

And drank.. and drank.

Until everything was black and the next thing you remembered was waking up in bed next to him.

And even though he was still asleep, you could hear his dreams.. and he was.. dreaming about you. Positively.

So you laid your head back down onto his chest with a smile and stayed until he woke up.. and then even longer.

jung hoseok (you remember your past life together when you touch)

You've never talked to Hoseok before, so you were pretty indifferent towards him.

He was incredibly handsome, but he was from Hufflepuff and there was this unspoken rule that nobody talked about but everyone knew, which is that it's best to stick to your own house and not befriend, let alone fall in love with, someone from Ravenclaw. It was kind of like the dynamic that Slytherins had with Gryffindors, but less hostile.

It happened every now and then and people obviously didn't kill you for it, but you'd get weird looks from your friends for sure.

You had class one day, the only empty seat being next to you and Hoseok came in last – even though still on time and ended up sitting next to you.

You didn't even look at him, even though he said hello, you just kept your eyes on the board and waited for the teacher to come.. which unfortunately took longer than expected, because she was running late.

People started talking to the ones next to them, most of them laughed, while you and Hoseok just sat there awkwardly.

You turned to your left, wanted to grab the chapstick out of your jacket but ended up dropping it instead.

You wanted to lean down and grab it, but Hoseok did the same, your heads colliding with each other.

And you'd think that minimal pain would be the issue, but no.

Because suddenly there were flashes. Flashes of you and him in a life that wasn't yours but.. seemed to have been at one point.

You were laughing, his arms were around you, a girl, not older than two, ran into your arms, you turning around and smiling at him, him smiling at you and saying that he loved you and..-

“I'm so sorry, I ran into Professor Trelawney on my way here and she had some new visions she wanted to tell me,” the professor said with a laugh as she closed the door, everyone else in class laughing.

Everyone but you and Hoseok.

“She said that..- oh!” the professor watched you run out of class with furrowed eyebrows, “What's gotten into her?”

Hoseok sat there as stiff as a stick, not moving even an inch.

He just met his soulmate.. hadn't he?

kim namjoon (when you touch each other, you die)

“I always wondered, Professor.. why did you put me in Gryffindor?” Namjoon and Dumbledore were in the Astronomy tower, just talking.

The two had a good relationship with each other, so this wasn't anything out of the usual.

“Why? Don't you like it?”

“On the contrary. I love it. It's just that I had always assumed I would end up in Ravenclaw.”

Dumbledore thought for a moment, then he let out a sigh, “You know, Namjoon.. sometimes us teachers have to intervene with what happens at Hogwarts for the sake of our students. No matter the situation.”

“So.. you're saying I'm right?!” that genuinely surprised Namjoon. He thought he'd get an answer like: Because you're a great leader with great potential but.. Dumbledore just admitted that he was the reason he ended up in Gryffindor? He kind of manipulated it so he’d be sorted into a different house?

“I can't tell you why I did it, just know that I did it for your safety. For yours and that of someone else.”

Dumbledore had known about yours and Namjoon's soulmate connection the moment the two of you entered the halls of Hogwarts as children. He had seen how Namjoon had smiled at you and how you had smiled back at him and he instantly knew that if he didn't do anything to stop this, the two of you would not survive the first week at Hogwarts due to your.. connection. Or rather, curse, in his opinion.

He put you in Slytherin and him in Gryffindor, hoping the long rivalry between the two houses would prevent you from ever speaking to each other.. and his plan had worked perfectly.

Now, the two of you didn't even look at each other when walking down the hallways anymore, you were strangers.

Dumbledore regretted not being able to do more, somehow fixing the connection between you two, but keeping you two alive had been his priority. So until then, this would have to do.

park jimin (you get a symbol on your body that represents your soulmate)

Everyone at the age of 17 got the tattoo, the fun part was figuring out what it meant.

Well, for everyone but you, because on your 17th birthday, you got a tattoo that made all of your friends gasp, because your soulmate was the enemy.

You got a fucking snake.

“Stop this,” your friend pulled you back from the sink, “You'll rub off your skin at this point.”

“I want it gone!” you cried, “Please, make it go away!”

“I can't,” she sighed, gently patting your arm dry, then pulling down your sleeve, “I know this is not what you wanted.. but remember, just because that person is your soulmate doesn't mean you have to be with them. A lot of people decide not to be with their soulmates. And if you really hate it so much, there are a lot of people who specialize in changing the tattoo. We can go during our next break. I'll go with you.”

You were so determined to do that, really.

But then you ended up going for a walk that same day and found a guy from Slytherin sitting on his own, staring at his tattoo with a heavy sigh.

He seemed to be as unhappy about it as you were.

And only when you got closer did you see the lion.

Jimin noticed. He got up and pulled down his sleeve, staring at you with wide eyes, as if you had just found out about his great secret that nobody should have known about.

“You’re Park Jimin.. aren’t you?”

“And you’re (Y/N).”

You let out a sigh and pulled up your sleeve, exposing the one thing you were so ashamed of. Just as much as he was.

“I think you and I are in the same boat.”

And when Jimin pulled up his sleeve, both of you just knew.

But for some reason, neither of you felt resentment in that moment. It was more like.. home.

kim taehyung (colorblind until you look into the eyes of your soulmate)

You knew of Taehyung, but you had never really spoken to him before, there was just never a reason as to why. He had his friends in Hufflepuff, you had yours in Ravenclaw.

But today, Professor Trelawney had decided to pair him up with you.

She had said it was time that ‘the rivalry houses see that there is nothing to hate about the other’.

She had told everyone to start out with closed eyes and then when she'd say the word, everyone should open them and try to look ‘into the soul of the person in front of you’.

Everyone had laughed, probably thinking what you and Taehyung thought as well.

‘This is some major bullshit’.

But, see.. sometimes it is best to trust the teacher. At least in your case it was.

Because once you opened your eyes and Taehyung opened his, your vision suddenly became clearer and you started to see, what you only assumed to be, colors.

“THERE! THERE IT IS! THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!” Professor Trelawney said with excitement as she pointed at you and Taehyung staring at each other with open mouth's, “THEY'RE LOOKING INTO EACH OTHER'S SOUL! THEY’RE SOULMATES PEOPLE!”

She hit the nail on the head with that one.

jeon jeongguk (same injuries as your soulmate)

When Jeongguk had signed up for the Triwizard Tournament he surely hadn't thought about anyone but himself. Bringing glory to the house Ravenclaw and to himself.

God, he had been so proud at first, walking down the halls of Hogwarts with his head held high as every single person now looked up to him.

But it was right after the first challenge that he realized it wasn't as simple as it all seemed.

He had defeated the dragon, had gotten the egg, but he had injured himself badly.

And as he was lying in the bed of the hospital wing, he overheard Dumbledore and McGonagall talking to his right.

“How is this possible Albus? She wasn't even there!”

“The same? The exact same?” the headmaster asked.

“Yes, sir. Exactly the same as him.”

There was a moment of quiet, Jeongguk furrowed his eyebrows and sat up straighter, trying to figure out what was going on there, but there was no need for it, because the two professors were about to tell him himself.

“Jeongguk.. do you know a girl by the name of (Y/N) (Y/L/N)?”

“I don't really talk to people from other houses.. she's Hufflepuff isn't she?”

“She is,” Dumbledore put his hands behind his back, “And I suggest you talk to her once she wakes up. It seems like the two of you have more in common than any of us would have assumed.”

The soulmate phenomenon was incredibly rare to happen between two students, especially not from different houses. But Dumbledore knew that this was the only option.

“Wait.. why?!” Jeongguk tried to ask, but the two professors were already leaving.

And all he could hear was Madam Pomfrey say: “Poor girl.. you never signed up for this, haven't you? Us girls are always the ones who get hurt involuntarily because of a man's pride.”

Jeongguk gulped down hard, suddenly not feeling proud at all anymore.. but.. he didn’t know why yet.

#bts imagine #bts reactions #bts x reader #bts #bangtan #bangtan reaction #bangtan boys #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop reactions #bangtan sonyeondan #reader #bangtan x reader #bangtan boys x reader #requests

419 notes · View notes

iridescent-hallucinations · 4 years ago

Text

Your hands were made for mine - Chapter 1

I started writing my first fanfic, if anyone wants to check it out!

Pairing: JJ/Emily

Summary: JJ and Emily have been working together for a few weeks now. Neither can bring themselves to acknowledge the unspoken depth of their new friendship, but maybe something will force them to face their chemistry. A little game commences. JJ/Emily.

It’s based on this post I made.

Word Count: 1466

Read it on AO3

JJ had always preferred the soft, silky, skin of women to the rough, sometimes prickly, skin that covered men. This fact was not yet known by those she worked with every day, Garcia had her suspicions, but as any good best friend would, she hadn’t said a word, allowing JJ to decide for herself when the right time to share this information was. So naturally, when an enigmatic dark-haired woman joined their team, a woman that fell so easily in step with them all, JJ couldn’t help but imagine what that creamy skin would feel like beneath her delicate touch. It wasn’t even a particularly erotic thing, there was just something enticing, comforting even, about running her fingertips over skin, she often gently squeezed Penelope’s arms, finding the warmth of her friend calming her when she was particularly anxious.

As consuming as the intoxicating thoughts of touching Emily’s milky skin were, JJ wasn’t even sure if the brunette was into girls like that. Always one to fight against the heteronormative society she found herself in, JJ’s silent rebellion against the system was to assume that all girls were gay until told otherwise. This small act of defiance against the accepted norms was all she had growing up in small town Pennsylvania and it had served her well so far.

Just a few short weeks ago Emily had joined their close knit team, and while it was evident the agent was an excellent fit for the unit, JJ could tell in the subtle cues that Emily still didn’t feel like she totally belonged. Her job as media liaison saw her using behavioural profiling more than she was prepared to admit to the team, and there was something about Emily that JJ subconsciously found required all her spare attention.

“Morning Jayje” Emily spoke, ripping JJ from her thoughts.

“Hey Em, sleep well?” The blonde teased as she watched Emily’s slender fingers clench slightly around the coffee cup that she was drinking deeply from.

“You don’t even wanna know” Emily smiled back, leaning against the desk behind her, lowering the beverage so it rested under her chin - both hands still wound tightly around the cup. Considering the younger woman before her, Emily noticed JJ’s eyes following her hands, a curious eyebrow raised, and she decided to test her hypothesis. Gently unlinking her fingers, never taking her eyes away from JJ’s face, she placed the coffee cup down, slowly, on the desk beside her, allowing her thumb to gently swipe across the lip of the cup before settling on the wood. She watched as JJ’s soft pink lips parted ever so slightly, her sparkling blues focussed on following Emily’s fingers.

The spell was finally broken when Emily began to drum her middle and ring fingers against the desk lightly, causing JJ to drag her gaze up, then away, briefly catching the small smirk on Emily’s face before she found her eyes darting backwards and forwards, desperately searching for anything to focus on other than the heat she could feel rising up her cheeks.

Swallowing more audibly than she intended, she finally broke the silence: “Hotch needs us at the round table in 10 minutes” JJ began, shuffling her feet slightly, “it’s gonna be a long day” she continued, “you’re gonna need more of that” her head nodded towards the empty coffee cup, reaching down to grab for the mug, “refill?” Emily watched as JJ’s eyebrow raised quizzically, ignoring the fact she could heart her heartbeat throbbing in her ears now that JJ was within touching distance.

“Uh, yeah, thanks” Emily managed to get out, clearing her throat, she had noticed her mouth had suddenly gone dry.

Smiling kindly, JJ turned, making her way over to the coffee machine in the corner. Muscle memory took over as she busied herself making the coffee, not needing to ask Emily how she took it, she already knew – strong, black, no sugar. No frills, unlike Garcia she thought to herself, straight to the point, JJ liked that about Emily.

Busy concentrating on the coffee, she hadn’t noticed that Emily had followed her over and was currently watching as JJ stirred sugar into her own mug. Tapping the spoon against the rim of the mug, JJ turned, slightly startled to find the brunette leaning on the wall adjacent to her, arms crossed under her chest. She reached out and offered the mug of steaming liquid to her friend, finding it increasingly difficult to keep Emily’s eye contact.

Emily unwrapped an arm from her torso and slowly took the mug, keeping her dark eyes locked onto JJ’s deep blue ones. She could have sworn there was something swimming beneath the surface of them. “Thanks” she breathed out, composing herself as she quickly realised where they were. Clearing her throat again, Emily continued “Ready?”

“Yeah” was the faint reply as both women made their way out of the break area towards the round table room. It was at this moment, as they moved from their positions, that JJ’s knuckles accidentally brushed against Emily’s. Feeling the jolt of electricity travel up her spine, she quickly pulled away, making a bee line for the door, keeping her eyes forwards in a vain attempt to prevent Emily from seeing the creeping pink blush she could feel spreading across her cheeks.

Emily noticed, but decided not to think too much of it. She had felt a spark too when JJ’s knuckles had clumsily bumped against her own, but the women hadn’t known each other for very long, it was plausible that JJ still wasn’t entirely sold on her. The only thing that was confusing Emily was how JJ could be so articulate and confident as press liaison, taking on the media with ease, but somehow become so skittish in her company. Emily was used to people finding her intimidating, particularly with her mother being an ambassador, but she’d be lying if she didn’t admit it hurt a little to think that JJ couldn’t see her tough exterior was a façade. She had thought over the past few weeks their friendship had become quite strong, enjoying when Penelope would invite them over for drinks, or when JJ would ask if they wanted to grab dinner together.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, Emily silently followed the blonde into the corridor, whatever was swimming in JJ’s eyes would have to be explored another day. For now, Emily knew her concentration should be on gaining and maintaining the trust and respect of the 6 agents she was working alongside, somehow infiltrate their family dynamic and learn how to take residence as sister, daughter, friend. Anything more than that would have to come later. “Don’t run before you can walk” Emily mumbled to herself, begging herself to stop staring at the way JJ’s hips were swaying. Trying and failing to stop her eyes from trailing a burning path down from those hips, over the swell in her skirt, reaching the edge where material met skin, and blazing on down toned calves, wondering if the impossible legs before her would ever end.

Sighing to herself, Emily carefully sped up, levelling with JJ so they could walk side by side. Not really paying attention, it took her a little bit too long to realise she was probably walking closer to JJ than would be considered normal. Her mistake was realised as she swung her left arm and felt warmth radiate up from the back of her hand into her triceps. The source of this heat happened to be the back of JJ’s hand, which was swinging in time with her own. Feeling a tingle down her spine, Emily made no attempt to alter her pace, or move away, instead, she concentrated very hard on keeping her knuckles from grazing the blonde’s, whilst simultaneously focussing on keeping that heat as close to her as possible.

JJ was startled slightly as Emily walked beside her, unsure as to whether she was supposed to move out of the way. Her eyes widened when she noticed the heat that was hitting the back of her right hand, not daring to look down, JJ’s gaze remained fixed straight ahead. Relying solely upon her sense of touch, JJ worked out that Emily’s hands were impossibly close to her own, so close they were almost challenging her to close the gap. Ever the competitor, she became determined to not lose the unspoken challenge that Emily’s hand was presenting to her. She didn’t know what was happening, but she knew she liked it. The way her heart rate sped up and her ears started to burn told her she was probably in trouble, this game was one she was absolutely willing to play, but first of all she needed to know the rules.

They always walk way too close. It’s canon.

#criminal minds #jemily #jennifer jareau #emily prentiss #pining #it’s a soft fic #my post #Will they ever hold hands?#stay tuned to find out #but I don’t know when bc I haven’t written it yet lol #i wrote a thing #my fic

25 notes · View notes

scoobydoominuscoobydoo · 5 years ago

Note

Why do you hate Scooby Doo Mystery Inc so much?

Hate is a pretty big word that I really don’t like to throw around that often because to me it implies zero redeeming qualities and that it never should have existed. I don’t think the Scooby world would be better off if MI never existed because despite it’s flaws there was a pretty huge following for it in the beginning. It did something that wasn’t all that common for CN shows at the time and that was trying to take a more serious and heavy-handed approach to the Scooby gang’s lives. It also brought back the concept of an overarching story line that was pretty well done before it go so convoluted (the last Scooby show to do that was 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo and that was back in the 80′s). It showed that the standard Scooby formula actually worked really well with this sort of set up.

It also is the best looking show and I really do mean that. The art-style is appealing to the eye and the color pallet was shooting for this whole neon noir that worked really well. The directing and camera work is set up like a teen slasher movie and it meshes nicely with the vibe the show is going for. The designs for the monsters are also pretty memorable from the first season and look great. Like I can remember most of the episodes from the first season simply because of the set pieces and monster designs (the episode where they end up in a house underground is one of my favorites aesthetically).

This was also the first series with Matthew Lillard as Shaggy since the 2002 and 2004 live-action films and he does a great job for sure. The performances from the whole cast are good as a whole (not exactly off brand for them).

There’s the episode “Night Terrors” that got like 11 year old me shipping Shaphne in the first place.

So there are definitely some things I respect from MI and I wouldn’t say that I hate the show. I think strongly dislike suits my feelings more.

Despite the fact that it did a lot for Scooby it also messed a lot of it up (this is coming from someone who watched it several times all the way through). The story got too complicated and there were a lot of unresolved plots and character actions that didn’t make sense.

I think the worst crime it commits - and the one that my animosity is directed at - is that it’s characterization was the worst out of all the shows. It tries to sell the gang as the town outcasts who only have each other but most of the time I can’t buy that they’re close friends because of all the times they just stop talking to each other. It really feels like they hang out with each other on accident and would really be with literally anyone else. Most of the first season just feels like Daph is there because Fred is there and she wants Fred to jump her so.

The gang’s relationship is a key element of every Scooby show and if you leave the impression that they aren’t that close than you’ve got five characters acting independently that sometimes solve mysteries together.

Not to mention how badly the gang themselves are written.

I’ll start with Shaggy because he’s my guy and his treatment in MI makes me sad. Overall, I think he’s the most “in character” out of everyone but that still isn’t saying much. A lot of his development is through either Scooby or Velma and the Velma development was handled as poorly as possible. I know this show came out during a period where putting the guy on the receiving end of an abusive relationship was funny but that doesn’t make it okay. It’s played for laughs but even when I was little I didn’t think Shag being in a controlling relationship was amusing. When he breaks up with Velma (for a completely valid reason that doesn’t even mention her abuse of him) he’s painted as the bad guy and it’s brought up for the rest of the show. That effectively ruined his connection with the rest of the gang and now he’s more or less just there. He doesn’t get any emotional heart-to-hearts or scenes showing his relationship with the gang (the most he gets is with Daphne ironically).

Most of the conflicts he alone faces are connected to Scooby or food and I feel like they could have explored so much more with him. Especially since that was the whole selling point of the show to begin with. The consistent fact that Shag is the glue that holds the gang together isn’t an element in this show either. I figured they might explore his obviously neglectful parents who still don’t seem too attached to the having a kid thing. But that didn’t happen and any outstanding Shaggy moments in the show aren’t as deep as the show promises.

Daphne easily gets it the worst. Her whole character is like completely dependent on Fred’s current attitude of her. Which is a shame because the show has these undertones of implying that Daphne is this eccentric, dorky, rich girl and I have no problem with that but nothing is done with it. Literally all of her characterization comes from Fred and any major development with her also comes from Fred. Season one her is pining for his affections relentlessly to the point that is seems kinda ridiculous. Even when they try and have Daphne “give up” on him she doesn’t even really do that. She’s just more inward about her feelings. I can’t even think of anything else to say about her because everything about her is just “SHE IS INTO FRED” in big red letters all over the story. I will mention that she is kinda sexualized in this show but it isn’t all that extreme. It’s not exactly illegal for a sixteen year old girl to wear bikinis (that she wears to get Fred’s attention of course). She did pull the teenager wearing lingire way before Riverdale did so props I guess (not really I still don’t understand the point).

It’s disappointing because Daphne is such a charming and lovable character in every show she’s in. Yet in MI she’s blown down to Fred’s arm candy and even when they promise to give her a character beyond that they really don’t. She falls back into the same relationship dynamic with him despite the supposed character growth.

MI Velma is given the backwards character arc of being the victim in an emotionally detached relationship. And it always confuses me because it’s obvious she had no interest in who Shaggy is because she wanted nothing to do with his life and kept trying to change him. Ironically she was trying to turn him into her arm candy and somehow convinced herself that he was the bad guy for not wanting to be that. The show wants you to feel bad for her because a boy chose a dog over her - but that isn’t even what happens! He states that he really isn’t ready for the kind of relationship Velma wants with him and that is painted as him choosing his dog. She holds that over him and Scooby’s heads for the rest of the show and I still don’t feel bad for her because she literally tried to force him to get rid of his dialogue quirk through physical harm. And he felt bad about it until the end of the episode????

When she isn’t abusing one of her best friends she’s usually talking down to all three of them because she’s perfectly aware that she’s smarter than them. Yet she’s the one who gets the most interesting story. Working for Mr. E and having an obvious lesbian relationship with Marcie are like actual things that progressed her character. Neither Shag or Daph get this treatment and they don’t even get any character development to begin with. But every time I finish the show I stay at the same conclusion that I don’t like her all that much. Her redeeming quality could be her brutal sarcasm but that’s a character quirk that doesn’t fix who she is.

Oh Fred, dear little Fred. The one with the actual character arc that remains consistent. His character just got regulated to the dude-bro of your dreams with a trap/ascot obsession??? It’s pretty jarring to watch because Fred from the older shows is like this sweet guy who tries to play the mature one in the group. And then MI took that and threw it away so they could turn him into Captain Oblivious who only notices his feelings for Daphne when she expresses even the smallest bit of disinterest in him (how many relationships have I seen like that irl? Too many). There’s also the unspoken rule that all Fraphne development happens through jealousy (it’s been that way since Zombie Island and is still a regular thing).

The thing is, there’s so much I could say about Fred yet not really all that much. He gets the most story and arguably the most screen-time. He prioritizes so many things over Daphne’s feelings for him and when they’re dating Daph states that she feels like one of his traps because he’s so controlling. He breaks her heart like it’s no big deal but then we’re supposed to believe he still loves Daph enough to actually stalk her?? The more I think about it the more shocked I get.

Actually, the more I talk about this show the more shocked I get. Mystery Incorporated has always been held to a higher regard as the best Scooby show. But that’s coming from the crowd that didn’t watch everything Scooby-Doo had to offer.

Aside from the great art and animation, the integration of a greater evil happening behind the scenes, and probably the best score as well, MI’s flaws outweigh all of the good things it brings to the table. I try to give it another chance and I am always disappointed because nothing is accomplished or done with the characters and that’s what I was promised. An overarching plot suggests character development and progression but we don’t get that. Instead we get the butchering of a cast of characters we love and a bogus ending that makes zero sense in the context of anything.

TLDR; MI sucks but I would still watch it everyday for the rest of my life if it meant I never had to watch Scoob! again.

#ask minus scooby #mod ninja #talking about mi just gets me disappointed #because shows with potential that was wasted bums me out #clearly the people working on this have talent #yet it doesn't amount to anything

56 notes · View notes

krokonoko · 5 years ago

Text

asdf thank you so much! You’ve come to the right place my friend, until very recently I knew every Lacho fic in the tag, so yes, of course I got fic recs! 🤩 I’m gonna list these in chronological order (and credit everyone by their AO3 nick)

(fyi, almost all of these are rated explicit or mature.)

Trust Me by Straponselina

Fight or flight, that’s all Nacho can think about lately, especially when it comes to Lalo. He’s tried the latter, but now that he gets cornered, Nacho decides it’s time for the former.

All of Straponselina’s Lacho fics are awesome, but this one’s my favorite. Lacho and substance abuse get on like a house on fire, and this fic takes complete advantage of that. It’s an intense ride fueled by anxiety, drugs and craving. The buildup is absolutely perfect, and it all explodes in some of the hottest goddamn smut I’ve ever read. I remember being unable to even properly comment on this one cause it blew my mind so hard.

ayotochtli by moonrocks

When a deal with a rival drug gang goes south and adrenaline and fear mix with something else, Nacho finds himself in the ironic position of being the only thing standing between Lalo Salamanca and certain death.

moonrocks has given us many amazing Lacho fics and I love every single one of them, but I got a particularly soft spot for this one. It’s got everything you could ask for: Power dynamic shifts, vulnerable Lalo, Nacho being confused about his feelings, intimacy merging with violence into one inextricable mess, and of course moonrock’s v own specialty, which is incredibly vibrant and atmospheric environmental descriptions! This one’s almost gen and more along the lines of a character study (my personal favorite type of fic ❤️).

By a Thread by Pandir

Lalo experiences every second of his life in full color, indulgences, impending doom and all. He’s trying to teach Nacho to do the same. Unfortunately, all Nacho has to indulge in is crippling existential panic.

In a flurry of intense sensory impressions and drug induced highs, Lalo’s mere existence confronts Nacho with his worst coping mechanisms. Everything Pandir’s ever written is amazing, and this fic’s no exception. They have a knack for unsettling imagery and themes, and their stories have the ability to make you feel like you yourself are joining the characters in their downward spiral into their own messy minds. Psychedelic, stream of consciousness, unexpected, just all around really, really good!

Burmese Boxing by keuppia

Quod licet Iovi, non licet bovi, that’s what Nacho learned the hard way while working for the Salamancas. But everyone bruises when headbutted in the jaw, even Lalo, and that’s a strangely comforting thought.

An excellent exploration of cartel hierarchy, a fantastic character study, and Lacho interactions so full of tension and uncertainty it murders me just to think about the sheer suspense of it all. As I said before, I’m a big fan of the concept of intimacy being mingled with violence, and the other way around, and keuppia turns this into an art form. You just want the fic to go on forever, but the fact that it doesn’t, that it ends exactly where it’s supposed to, is what made this one leave such an impact on me. I could write an entire essay about why I love this fic but I’m just gonna leave it at that.

Unspoken by bisexualjesse

There are no locks that could protect Nacho’s privacy from Lalo. But maybe this time, that’s not such a bad thing. And besides, what’s the harm in looking?

Short and sweet, quick to the point, just all around great smut. It’s got Nacho completely at the mercy of not one but two people, also some very subtle and nice intimacy between Nacho and Lalo that’s to die for! What more could you want?

Only You by Seraphtrevs

Nacho’s entire world is turned upside down when he ends up in the claws of the beast that is Lalo Salamanca. It feels like he has to navigate an entirely new, dangerous world with very strict rules to survive. But Nacho is anything if not a quick learner, and it’s only a question of time until he finds out that he has some claws of his own.

Of course no Lacho rec list would be complete without Sera’s Only You. The first part will always be my personal favorite, but the entire series is very dear to my heart. It helped us all through the rough times of the great Lacho withdrawal between episodes 3 and 9 and gave us some much needed escapism after the finale. Also Sera’s an actual angel so there’s that. It’s gonna be sad to watch this fic come to an end, but it was a wild ride, and I enjoyed every second of it!

(sorry for publishing ur ask like this anon, I managed to somehow make your original ask bug out? with some HTML shenanigans? Idk. anyway here’s your answer asdfghj)

#Lacho #Nacho Varga #Lalo Salamanca #better call saul #brba BCS #fic recs #ask #anon

73 notes · View notes

iamtaekooked · 5 years ago

Text

Vanilla Rules || Ch 15 (Pjm)

Genre: Enemies to Lovers! AU, badboy! au, college! au

Word count: 10.1k

Synopsis:

The hate saga between you and baddie of the town Park Jimin rests on two very simple rules: 1.) Hate each other for the rest of your lives and 2.)under no circumstances fall in love with each other. But what happens when the possibility of love threatens this dynamic?

A/N: This was a long long long time overdue! I hope you enjoy it! Also the “dont blame for making you fall” line isn’t a 100% original. I was inspired by something similar I had read like a decade ago in some YA novel and but couldn’t remember what it was so just made my own version of it. So credit to. that book and its author.

Ch 1 || Ch 2 || Ch 3 || Ch 4 || Ch 5 || Ch 6 || Ch 7|| Ch 8 || Ch 9 || Ch 10|| Ch 11 || Ch 12 || Ch 13 || Ch 14

The incessant tapping of the pencil, the ticking of the clock on the wall opposite to you, the flipping of pages, and the sound of typing around you was making your anxiety worse. Worse because Jimin was already doing enough to make you anxious by looking at you from across the table. You didn’t know if he knew you were aware of his eyes surveying your face. It wasn’t the fact that he was looking at you. It was the way he was examining you. Whoever said eyes are the window to the soul was right because his feelings were apparent in his eyes.

It was no secret anymore Jimin liked you. The evidence was all there: first he said it himself, second he got mad when Hoseok kissed you at the soccer game, and then he kissed you. Kissing would be an understatement. It was raw, primal energy that somehow rose from deep inside you, and even though the rational part of your brain was screaming for you to not do it, your body had already taken over.

You could still feel the feeling of his hands on your body. The way his hands were tangled in your hair. The way his skin felt soft, and firm underneath the pads of your fingers. You couldn’t forget how warm you felt, and surge of emotions that washed over you. You remembered how his breaths had fanned your face every time you pulled apart even for a nanosecond.That soft, unnerving sensation he made you feel was still settled into your stomach and etched so deep into your mind you wouldn’t be able to forget it for a long long time. Even as you sat in front of him, your lips still tingled gently with the same tickling feeling that you had felt the night you kissed at Elijah’s party.

You still remembered how he smelt that night: a little bit like beer and soft notes of musk and velvet from his cologne. You remembered his flushed cheeks, and intoxicated eyes which looked at you in a way that made you want to melt into a puddle of goo. He could snap his fingers and you would gladly will yourself out of existence. He tasted of beer and mint as your lips had melted together into kiss after kiss after kiss.

Had you not been interrupted that night you would have gone all the way with him because you had lost all control.

Jimin tapped the table using his knuckles which drew you out of your reverie. Suddenly your body felt really hot. You throat had dried like a piece of parchment and your lungs felt like they were on fire, as if you had just run a marathon.

You cleared your throat and blinked to push away all the thoughts. “What?” your voice came out unexpectedly breathy-- well that was expected but you didn’t think you were going to sound like you had just been shown stars behind your eyes.

Jimin’s eyes squinted as he cocked a sly brow. He licked his lips, eyes flickering to yours before he cleared his throat as well. “Were you thinking about that night?”

You hated how he placed such emphasis on that night. “No!” your eyes widened as you gawked at him. “No way” you coughed suddenly feeling air getting stuck in your throat.

“You’re completely red” he comments, settling back into his chair and leaning against it. Folding his arms across his chest that look was back in his eyes-- the one from that night-- like the world around you could crumble to dust and he wouldn’t blink an eye. He was looking at you in a way every woman in the world would want to be looked at-- as if you were the only thing that mattered and everything else was dust and nothing.

His gaze did not waver as he scrutinized you ; studied you with eyes roaming all across your face.

It took your breath away and you felt absolutely winded. “Why- why” you gulped hard. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Red is a good colour on you” he leaned in.

You shook your head. “Stop talking like that”

“Why? Does it make you nervous?” his lips stretched into a knowing smile, his teeth peeking from behind the little gap. He smiled like he just knew every thought, every feeling you were feeling. Like he could see deep down inside you and knew what makes you tick. Like he knew you in a way that was different from everyone else and he enjoyed it.

“No.” you lowered your eyes back to the book. “Besides, we’re supposed to be studying” you couldn’t look up at him. You couldn’t face him anymore knowing that it was futile. Everything was futile because in this moment, nothing mattered to you. Not the book in front of you, nor the people around you, nor the trees and roads, and mountains. The world couldn’t distract you from your feelings even if it tried.

“I don’t want to study” he answered. Suddenly, his face was blocking your view of the book as he had slid across the table. He was looking up at you, hand cupping his cheeks and a cheeky grin on his face. He was enjoying every single moment of it. You flinched back upon seeing him like that, your back hitting the chair.

“Dude!” you exhaled with a whisper, almost shouting.

“Still red” he announced and lifted himself off the table and settled in his chair, his spine resting against the back.

“You are delusional. I don’t like you” you slammed the textbook so loud people around you looked up from their work. “Sorry” you looked at them sheepishly and apologized with a small nod of the head. He managed to get you so wrapped up that you forgot you were in the library.

“I did not say anything about you liking me” he quirked an eyebrow with interest.

You did not have a comeback so you settled for the next response that came to your head. “Stop it”

Jimin let out a small laugh, and shook his head. “That’s very cute”

“Will you stop for fucks sake? Why are you acting this way” you frowned at him, aware of why he was acting that way but his behavior was so frustrating that you had to ask.

“Because…” he paused, as if for dramatic effect. “I li…” he paused again with the tiniest hint of a smirk at the corner of his lips. He let a few seconds pass before he closed his mouth. “Nothing” he lowered his head with a small shake and a soft chuckle.

“You-you..you” your cheeks grew hotter by the second. “Park Jimin you are the worst person ever” you stood up, grabbed your book and your backpack that was slung haphazardly across the back of the chair.

He did the same as he saw you and quickly gathered his belongings. While he was doing that you took the chance and walked away before he could join you. Because God knows it was the last thing you wanted.You had not even crossed the doors of the library when he fell into step beside you.

“Stop following me” you quipped, looking straight in front of you. Once more you could feel the beating of your heart in your ears as a rhythmic vibration which had become a common occurrence lately in Jimin’s presence.

“I am not following you y/n. I am right beside you, not behind you” he answered in an innocent tone, full well knowing your statement was not literal.

Abruptly stopping in the middle of the hallway, you turned to face him. “I’ll ask you once again. Why are you acting so weirdly?”

“Once again I’ll answer. It’s not weird”

“Ughhh” you sighed and looked heavenward. “Why are you so hell-bent on complicating everything? Why can’t you just let it go”

“Let what go?”

“I can’t let you burn me. I can’t allow you to… to make me feel as if I have no control over anything. So, stop complicating things” you replied curtly.

Jimin scoffed. “You’re actually putting this on me? Do you think I like any of this? I fucking hate it. So don’t tell me I am the one complicating things. Why don’t you grow a spine and face your feelings?”his relaxed demeanour morphing into a more tense manner. He couldn’t understand why you couldn’t see how much he was trying and willing to be someone he was terrified of being. And all because of you. Why couldn’t you understand how absolutely terrified he was. Why could you not see past his facade and know that simple fact.

“Yes! You are. You do things and you say things that.- ” you looked at him with an unflinching gaze and felt a wave of anger overcoming you. “It’s all because of you. We were fine weren’t we? Just the way we were was good. Why did you have to go and ruin things? Why do you have to make me feel as if-” you sighed in frustration because you couldn’t explain to him what he makes you feel.

Everything was so complicated. It was all so frustrating and Jimin acting like nothing was wrong, pissed you off even more. Everything was wrong. You had one unspoken rule in between you and now it was a remnant of the past. It unsettled and unnerved you.

Jimin’s jaw clenched. “Don’t look at me the way you do then. Don’t look at me as if I matter to you. Don’t look at me like I am the only person in the room that you care about. Don’t look me in the eyes for more than a second and then blame me for making you fall”

His words were followed by nothing but the chatter of people passing you by in the hall as both of you stared at each other. What could you possibly say to that? Because you did look at him as if he mattered. You did make the mistake ; not once, or twice. But you did it countless times without even realizing it. As much as you hated to admit it, he was right. He could never force your feelings even if he tried. You did it all on your own and now you can’t deal with it.

“W-what?” you gaped at him.

“You still can’t see past your own stubbornness can you?” he snapped, nostrils flaring, chest heaving with effort.

Your eyes widened and you gawked at him in shock, “You’re calling me self-centered?”

“You are! That’s all you are. From the beginning to now. Do you have any clue how hard it was for me to say what I told you? I mean for fucks sake I was prepared to hate you for the rest of my life. The minuscule possibility of anything other than that was not even a concern for me because I was never going to allow myself to feel anything else. But…” his chest heaved with effort and he swallowed hard.

“But, what?”

“But all you can think about is yourself y/n. We are nothing but fools for you! You let me kiss you and I thought it meant something” he gulped, trying to make the tightness in his throat go away.

“It-” you started

“Don’t fucking try to deny that you didn’t feel anything. But then you let Hoseok kiss you and didn’t even hesitate. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? What am I supposed to think? You’ve played both me and Hoseok for fools.”

“Are you serious right now? What the fuck do you mean I played you both like fools!” your voice rose to a shout.

Jimin’s nostrils flared and he scowled at you. “You know exactly what I mean!”. You noticed his eyes getting glossy, and a shine overcoming them.

“Well fuck you then. We’re done here” your voice shook but you swallowed the growing tightness in your throat.

“I think that would be best. Make up for you fucking mind y/n” his tone lowered and he shook his head.

“Don’t you dare say that to me Park Jimin” you stepped towards him. “Don’t you fucking dare. Who the fuck was it that brought Bethany to the party. Do you think I am stupid? Don’t put all this on me because you can’t deal with your feelings” your voice quivered once more, and you bit your lip to stop yourself from letting out a sob you had been trying to choke back.

He took a step towards you. “Tell me that on the day you figure out how to deal with your feelings” Jimin’s lip quivered.

“You spoiled everything Jimin! I wish I had never met you. I wish I had never kissed you because it was the single worst mistake of my life.” you spat harshly. Finally the tears fell slowly.

Jimin’s expression faltered as the frown from his face disappeared. “I wish I had never met you either” he replied through clenched teeth and the tears he had been trying to hold back slid down his cheeks.

It broke your heart.

It broke his heart.

Turning away from each other you went your separate ways.

///

Your whole room was a pile of tissues and nothing else. Your nose was dry and it hurt to even touch it but the tears wouldn’t stop falling. You felt restless. There was a weird itch somewhere deep inside you which made it unable for you to focus. You couldn’t sit, nor stand. You couldn’t sleep or eat. Even when you tried to talk, you couldn’t get more than a single word out because you just felt so angry.

Your whole body felt as if it was on edge. You didn’t know what to do with yourself. If you sat down, you wanted to stand. If you stood you wanted to lie. If you laid down, you wanted to walk around. If even for a second you felt drowsy, your stomach would tighten and all intent and desire to sleep would vanish. You did not know what to do with your hands, or the rest of your body. You really wanted to punch something. Maybe even break a few plates and cups, or scream at the top of your lungs until you lose your voice.

Grabbing the pillow next to you, you held it against against your face and screamed.

“I hate you Park Jimin. I fucking hate you so much” you pulled the pillow away and sighed, hoping that with one breath all the tiredness, pain and suffering would end. But that is not how it works. Unfortunately.

“Stupid fucking feelings” you muttered cradling your head in your hands.

Self-blaming was a specialty of yours so naturally, you blamed a part of it on yourself because you shouldn’t even have talked to him. After that night at the party where you kissed him, you should have just distanced yourself. But you didn’t. You hated that you allowed yourself to feel something and couldn’t back off.

How in the world could he think you were playing him and Hoseok? How was it so easy for him to put everything on you, as if he hadn’t complicated things on his end?

The door to your room opened and Taehyung peeked his head inside. “Oh y/n” he sighed at your disheveled state. Opening the door wider he entered your room.

“Why do you guys fight when you can’t handle the aftermath?” he shook his head as he approached you.

“What?” you sniffled, wiping your nose with a tissue you picked up from the box next to you.

“I just met Jimin” Taehyung sat down beside you, against the headboard of your bed.

Even after everything, a small part of you wanted to ask how he was doing. Why was it that despite being hurt a tiny part of you still felt compelled to look after his well being?

“He’s the same” Taehyung turned to look at you. “If not worse”

“I don’t care” you croaked. “He deserves to be” you felt contempt, and a lot of it.

“I heard what happened” Taehyung stated with a soft voice.

You felt his eyes on you, but refrained from making eye contact. What could he do? How could he possibly fix it? Hell, you didn’t even want anything fixed. At this point you wanted Park Jimin to be a distant memory.

“I’ve never seen him cry you know?” Taehyung stared at you silently.

“Are you trying to advocate for him right now?” you scoffed, feeling disappointed.

“No!” Taehyung raised his hands in the air. “Not at all. He said something he shouldn’t have said. I get it. You’re angry at him. You have every right to be. But to be fair to both of you, it has been confusing. Neither of you know how to deal with your feelings”

“I have no feelings towards him. I hate that guy” you bit through your teeth.

Taehyung’s lips pressed into a thin line and his nose scrunched. “Right now he kinda hates you too”

“Good. Because that’s how it’s supposed to be” you replied without hesitation.

You heard Taehyung sighing next to you. “You have both put me in a very awkward position”

“Trust me Tae. The position you are in is way better than the one I am in. It fucking sucks” you cradled your head in your hands.

“I know y/n. I am sorry” he gently patted your back.

“I don’t know what to do. I just want to slap Jimin. Honestly. He’s fucked everything up. Again. I can’t do this anymore. It’s not like I wanted any of it to happen. I was perfectly fucking content hating him. But no. He just had to go and ruin it. He’s ruined everything” you felt the tears welling up in you eyes again and tried to blink them away.

“Just listening to you is making me feel frustrated” Taehyung chuckled softly. “If you like each other, then just forget everything else”

“I don’t like him! besides after what he said to me, I am never going to feel anything for him ever again. The fact that I did feel something is a tragedy in and of itself”

“It’s not that easy, bunny. This is your anger talking. Not you. We can’t control our feelings anymore than we can control our lives” his lips curved into a small sympathetic smile.

Fuck feelings” you choked. “Fuck everything” you wiped your eyes using the back of your hand.

Taehyung studied you silently and then he forced himself to lighten his expression with a smile. He hated seeing you sad and didn’t want to dwell on the same topic for too long knowing it would only add to your frustration.“But not ice cream!” he exclaimed with excitement as the smile stretched across his lips and reached his eyes, making the corners crinkle.

“What?”

“You’re sad and Jimin is sad. So naturally I feel sad too because two of my closest friends are hurt. So, lets just wallow in our misery and throw a pity-party” he pushed himself off the floor and stood up. Reaching out a hand towards you, he waited in silence.

You looked up at him and felt thankful. For the first time in two days, your body felt lighter. Just seeing your best friend smile was enough to give you energy. So you slide your hand into his and he helped you up.

///

You and Taehyung spent hours sitting on the couch and eating all the junk food items you could find. Sure, it felt gross and you were nauseated but there was a sense of satisfaction. You looked around and noticed there were so many tubs of ice cream, chocolate wrappers, cans of soda and wondered for a second how you managed to eat half of all that.

Taehyung was still eating ice cream next to you. You grinned looking at him. “Thank you Tae”

“Hmm? What?” he slowly turned his gaze away from the TV and towards you.

“I said thank you”

“Of course” Taehyung put down the tub of ice cream and grabbed you in a headlock and ruffled your hair but not without planting a kiss on your head.

“Let go!” you slapped at his arm that was wrapped around your neck.

“I love you, you crazy girl” Tae ruffled your hair once more before letting you go.

“I wish I could say the same” you replied in a raspy voice followed by a cough.

Taehyung laughed. “You’re crazy”

It was silent as you both settled back and watch Star Wars, giving your complete attention to the movie. Chick flicks are a thing of the past. Now-a-days you get over your sadness by watching action movies. It’s mostly for cathartic reasons. If you can’t actually hurt the person who hurt you, then the least you can do is see other’s fight and vicariously live through it.

Even though you were watching Star Wars, your mind was still restless. It was definitely better than before because your body didn’t feel on edge, but your mind was still stuck in the same rut.

You know what I mean!

You could still hear Jimin’s voice in your head. The way he looked at you, the way he let himself be vulnerable enough to let a few tears slide down his face. All of it makes you feel irritated. Somehow he managed to make you feel guilty. So, how can you trust a guy like that? How can you feel anything for someone who doesn’t even show you a shred of respect and thinks you are playing him.

Will you ever be able to explain to him your feelings?

“Stop thinking” Taehyung’s voice drew you out of reverie.

“What?” your brows furrowed together in confusion.

“If you’re just gonna think about him, then talk to him”

“I am never going to talk to him again Tae. I don’t even want to see his face” your nose screwed up in irritation.

“Well that’s going to be tough” Taehyung retorted, not exactly making you feel better.

“Ughhh.. Don’t remind me” you propped your feet on the sofa and brought your knees to your chest.

Just then your phone rang.

Your brows creased and you looked at Taehyung. You showed him your phone and his expression changed to one of confusion as well as he raised his crinkled eyebrows.

“Why is Jungkook calling you?” he questioned

“Like I would know” you replied and placed the phone to your ear. “Hello?”

At first all you heard were sighs and grunts. The sound of heavy breathing filtered through and you wondered if he pocket dialed you while working out.

“Bro” you heard Jungkook say through the other end.

“Kookie?”

“Oh- uh hey y/n” he sighed heavily. “Sorry. Jimin is fucked up right now”

“What did he do?” you questioned

“Uhh..” Jeongguk sighed once more. “He got drunk and then he got into a fight. Someone called the police-”

“Police?” you shot up from your seat, heart racing in your chest.

“It’s alright. I got him out” Jeongguk replied calmly. “The only problem is he won’t go home unless you come”

“Me?” your heart quickened once more because lord knows you didn’t even want to see Jimin.

“Yeah. We’re outside the police station. He’s still drunk and half asleep yet he keeps asking for you. Please come down here. I am about to lose my mind and I might end up hitting him because he’s being annoying as fuck. Please” Jungkook pleads.

You shake your head as if he could see you from the other side of the phone. “I can’t Jeongguk”

“Please y/n” the desperation was evident in his voice. “As much as I want to I can’t leave him here. Please. If not for him, then for me. I need your help”

“Jeongguk” you sighed. After a moment of deliberation you agreed. “Okay. Text me where you are”

Hanging up you turned to Taehyung. “You really meant it when you said Jimin wasn’t doing well”

“What do you mean?” Taehyung eyed you curiously.

“Well your friend got drunk, got into a fight, got hauled to the police station. Don’t worry Jeongguk got him out” you replied noticing Taehyung was about to speak.

“Okay…”

“Problem is your friend, won’t leave unless I go there. Jeongguk is seriously desperate. I am going there to help him” you explained to Taehyung who squinted his eyes at you.

“Are you sure?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you sure you’re going there to help Kookie?”

“Definitely” you nodded, making sure to look Taehyung in the eyes so he doesn’t think you are lying or conflicted. “I am pissed off at Park Jimin. I am not going there for him and honestly at this point I don’t really care for him. I am just going to help Jeongguk because he sounded exceptionally desperate over the phone”

Taehyung nodded slowly but he didn’t look convinced.

///

“What’s wrong with him?” you asked Jeongguk, while looking at Jimin who was nodding off.

“He’s drunk, asleep and injured. But he kept asking for you a while back when he was still awake. Something about how he shouldn’t have been so mean” Jeongguk lips pressed into a thin line in what you assumed to be a sympathetic smile. “But thank you for coming”

“Of course. I would help you out anytime, any day” the corners of your mouth lifted into a smile.

“Do you mind grabbing his other arm?” Jeongguk grunted as he grabbed Jimin’s arm and helped his stand up.

You hesitated for a moment. Biting your lip you nodded your head. “S-s-sure”

You reached for Jimin’s arm but right then the image of the you tangled withhim, his lips on yours, his hands traversing all over your body flashed in your mind. Instantly,your fingers curled into your palm just as you were about to touch him. Gulping away the tightness in your throat, you grasped Jimin’s arm and steadied him on his feet. With Jimin secured between you and Jeongguk you began walking.

The sounds of your shuffling feet against the rough gravel, and the whistling of wind through surrounding trees was all that could be heard as you and Jeongguk stayed mum. Every now and then you could feel him glancing at you and somehow you just knew that he knew about your fight with Jimin.

At one point you both ended up looking at each other at the same time and then awkwardly looking away with nervous laughter.

“I am sorry y/n” he spoke softly, adjusting Jimin’s arm around the back of his shoulders.

“Why?”

“Because I know how hard it must be for you coming here and having to see him” he motioned his head at Jimin who was mumbling something that you couldn’t care less about.

“Thank you for saying that” you offered him a tight lipped smile.

“He was wrong to say what he said to you” Jeongguk continued and you wished he would drop it because being reminded of it left pangs of pain in your chest.

“Yeah he was and I am glad you see it that way too”

“Having said that, he’s also sorry. You didn’t see him y/n” Jeongguk peaked at you from behind Jimin’s head. “He was devastated if nothing more.I found him at the gym punching away at a sandbag until his knuckles bled. His eyes were bloodshot and swollen” Jeongguk paused.

Somehow you were having trouble imagining a vulnerable Jimin.

“Then despite me threatening to punch him out he went to a bar, got drunk and got into a fight with some dudes over a parking spot. He didn’t even fucking drive to the damn bar and he knew what he was doing. Because when I tried to stop him, he told me he deserves to be hit” you glanced at Jimin’s hand which was hanging off your shoulder. It was bruised and blue.

You didn’t know what to think or say because it sounded so unlike Jimin.

“He doesn’t know how to express his feelings. He’s never been good at it. When he doesn’t know how to deal with something, he lashes out and says things he doesn’t mean”

“I am pretty sure he meant it” you looked at Jeongguk straight faced because you did believe he meant it.

Jeongguk shook his head. “I’ve known him longer than you. He didn’t”

“Fine. Let’s say he didn’t. That doesn’t make it hurt any less”

“I know this doesn’t make you feel better but I just wanted you to know that he did feel bad. Despite everything he has done in the past and now, he’s a good guy” Jeongguk pressed his lips together in a half-hearted smile.

“Not to me” you whispered, his words bringing back the pang of disappointment and hurt in your chest. “Just out of curiosity, why are you telling me all this?”

“Because I know that if Jimin was conscious he would say the same thing to you”

You didn’t say anything but concentrated on supporting Jimin because you were starting to feel tired as all three of you stumbled. Thankfully, you didn’t have to walk far enough because his apartment was nearby. Jeongguk punched in the code for Jimin’s apartment and the door opened. You carried him through the elevator and up to the seventh floor.

You didn’t have much time nor interest to look around his apartment. Jeongguk laid him down on the couch and ran off somewhere leaving the two of you alone.

“Do you want water?” you heard Jeongguk calling.

“No! I am good. Thank you!” you yelled back. You noticed that Jimin was nodding off again and couldn’t help but notice the gash on his forehead, his split lip, and bruises around his eye.

Just how much is going to mess things up for himself?

The shuffling of feet against the marble floor alerted you that Jeongguk was coming so you quickly looked away from Jimin and slide your hands in your jacket pockets. He sat Jimin up and flicked some water on his face which made him perk up a bit.

“Drink this” he put the rim of a glass containing some kind of green juice to his lips.

Jimin flinched as the liquid touched his mouth. You stood and watched as he gulped it down and by the end he was coughing. Jeongguk patted his back. “Good man” hethen left again leaving you alone with Jimin, who was in a groggy state and still reeling from the taste of whatever Jeongguk gave him.

As if he realized someone was standing over him he looked up. “Y/n?” he croaked, massaging his throat.

“I am leaving!” you called to Jeongguk. But he didn’t respond so you took that as your cue to leave and turned on your heels and headed towards the front door.

“Wait!” you heard Jimin.

“I have nothing to say to you” you didn’t turn around.

“ I am sorry” he said. He didn’t even sound sorry in the least bit.

You turned around. “Say that to me when you really mean it” you scoffed.

Jimin didn’t respond. He just looked at you and hung his head low. “I didn’t mean what I said”

“Yes you did”

He sighed and folded his arms across his chest. “I know you think I did. But I didn’t. I was just pissed”

You chuckled bitterly. “Don’t talk to me about pissed, man. Let’s not talk about it. We’ll end up arguing again. I can’t deal with any more. It’s too much”

“Yeah” he whispered. “Me too”.

“Good. Because I don’t want to talk right now” you replied shortly.

You gave a curt nod, and made good on your word to leave because the universe knows that you want nothing from Jimin. Not even an apology.

///

Jimin hadn’t come to any classes for the past three days. A sense of relief washed over you the first day you did not see him. But sure enough his fan club wasn’t very pleased with him not showing up.

“Where is he?” one of the girls in first year whined to her friends and they all responded with solemn expressions.

You rolled your eyes as you walked by them. Not having him around made the tight knot in your stomach and throat go away. It finally felt like you could breathe. You were still very angry at him, and you were thankful that he wasn’t there because another argument would be guaranteed if he showed up.

On the first day after your fight you went about your life, trying to erase every trace of Park Jimin from your life. You stayed away from the gym because it would remind you of him. You stayed away from the basketball court and actively took measures to avoid running into any of his teammates. You avoided the library because you spent time with him there and it was the last place you wanted to be because just thinking about it brought memories of the argument back. You even skipped going to Monet’s with Taehyung because that is where you first realized this complicated thing called “feelings” between you and Jimin. You also skipped going to the soccer field to cheer on Hoseok for a friendly game with a rival college because it also reminded you of Jimin.

On the second day of Jimin’s absence you spent most of your time in the student lounge studying and working on assignments. You ended up making friends with an exchange student and showed him around town. It was a perfect day, away from college, away from people who were associated with Jimin. You went to karaoke with your new friend Jaden, and had a blast belting out one song after another. Following the past few stressful months, this was the release you needed. Your body felt so light, and you could feel the endorphins having a positive effect because you felt a surge of energy and happiness.

The third day brought about a whole day of classes devoid of Jimin which was perfect because you had no distractions. For once in months, you could finally concentrate on your lectures and managed to understand whatever was being taught. That felt like such a huge accomplishment that the rest of the day you had a skip to your step, and a huge smile on your face. Not to mention you ended up acing the in class quiz after the lecture which also helped elevate your mood. After having one failure in your life after another, one drama after another, doing well on a quiz provided you with a sense of self-satisfaction which you realized you had forgotten the feeling of.

“Wow, you’ve got a glow” Yoongi offered you his usual gummy smile.

“I aced the quiz and I finally after months was able to attend a lecture properly with full focus” you returned his smile and sat down across him on the cafeteria table.

“Good for you!” he nodded. “Listen, Valentine's day is coming up-”

“Ughhh. No. Whatever you are about to ask me, my answer is no” you shook your head vigorously. It was such a pointless occasion, you still couldn’t understand why half the world obsessed over it.

“Chill. We were thinking of hosting a spring dance but a Valentines’ day theme and I wanted to ask if you would be kind enough to grab the decorations from the old art studio. Also, I wanted to know if you would come to the dance”

“Fine” you sighed.

“So you’ll come?” Yoongi looked at you with anticipation

“I meant fine that I will get you the docrations. But, no. I won’t come. No offense but I have a very different opinion about this “holiday” compared to other people. So, no”

“I am not a fan either but we haven’t had a fun event in the months after that camping trip we took. Kind of feels dry so one of the student council members suggested we do this to bring up everyone’s spirits” Yoongi eyed you.

“Yeah” you shrugged. “Do it. But don’t count on me. I am going to stay home and relax” you stretched your arms in front of yourself, feeling the tiredness finally leaving you.

Yoongi rolled his eyes. “So much for school spirit”

“I don’t have any” you replied coolly.

///

The fourth day, Park Jimin showed up which was announced by the screams of first year girls. Your heart sank into your chest as you watched him approach your direction. You clutched the book tighter around your chest, knuckles turning white around the binding. Your eyes met, and no matter how much you wanted to look away you couldn’t. The closer he came, you noticed the small cut on the corner of his upper lip, and a small gash on his forehead partly hidden by his fringe, looked better than the day he got into the fight.

He didn’t take his eyes off you either. You gulped, noticing the quickening beat of your heart. Despite everything, that weird feeling in the pit of your stomach, under your skin was back. You had hoped it would have gone away but it didn’t as the moment you saw Jimin you started feeling it again. Your throat constricted once more, which happens when you are about to cry. Your stomach twisted, and your breathing fastened.

He was still coming towards you and you were frozen. As if your feet had been stuck with glue to the floor. The urgency to move grew within the pit of your stomach but your legs wouldn’t move. Jimin was close.

Move

Just at the right moment you felt a tug to your arm and found yourself looking at Hoseok. You glanced towards Jimin’s direction from the corner of your eyes and noticed him looking at you and Hoseok.

“Hi Hoseok” you smiled.

“Long time no see” his cheeks blushed a slight pink colour.

“Yeah” you avert your gaze down to the floor for a moment and then looked up at him.

“How have you been?” you question offering a small smile.

“Busy. I’ve got to start preparing for the upcoming season so I am just headed to practice” the corners of his mouth upturned into a bright grin.

“No rest for you huh!” you teased. “Well, I won’t keep you from it. Good luck and don’t stress too much about it”

“Thanks” Hoseok smiled and held out his arms towards you.

You blinked for a second before realizing he was leaning in for a hug. You let his arms enclose around you and with your free arm patted his back. He tightly squeezed you and lifted you off your feet, immediately making you giggle. He gently set you down and pulled back. “I’ll see you around”

“See you. Have fun at practice” you nodded and then he pivoted on his heels and strolled away past the crowd of students, and behind Jimin.

He was still standing at the same spot and he had seen everything. It didn’t matter but you knew it couldn’t mean anything good given past experiences. You let yourself look at him for one more moment before turning the opposite way and vanishing behind the group of first year girls who were whispering, and squealing.

It shouldn’t have affected you. Seeing him should have been a normal occurrence-- the way you notice other people around you and forget about them-- that’s how it should have been with Jimin. But it wasn’t. It was so much more than that. Before your mind could even react your body had taken over and you felt everything all over again.

All sense of relief had been washed away the moment you saw him. Your stomach felt tight, and you were sure you were going to lose your appetite again. You did not like it one bit-- the way he was looking at you and Hoseok and you wondered if he would get into another fight with him.

“Deep breaths” you mumbled to yourself. “Deep breaths” the thought in itself was enough to provoke anxiety.

You turned a corner and entered the old art studio to look for the decorations that Yoongi had asked you to. You were thankful that for at least a little bit you would have something to distract you.

The moment you opened the door a gust of dusty wind greeted you, immediately making you cough. The entire studio was filled with old canvases, and boxes containing decorations labeled with different events in the past. Stepping in further you tried to find the light switch, but even as you flicked it up and down the lights did not turn on. So, you opened the door wider to let sunlight filter into the dim room.

Cautiously, you stepped over a bunch of canvases that had toppled over and made your way to the back of the room which was lined with giant boxes. Scanning through all the rows you found the two labeled “VD” which you assumed meant Valentines day. Standing on your tiptoes you reached an arm up to grab the box which happened to be on the top row.

Geez. Thanks universe

Groaning and grunting with effort, you tried to extend your arm further but it wouldn’t reach. Looking around you surveyed your surroundings for some kind of a step stool, or even a stable enough box you could step on. But alas, as your luck would have it, there is nothing you can use. Not even a ladder.

“Just one more fucking thing that won’t go right” you sighed and looked heavenward, silently praying to the man upstaird for some help.

And help he did send. Just not in the form of something useful like a ladder.

“Y/n?”

The familiar voice tugged at your heart, which sank deep into the depths of your stomach as you felt your gut twisting into knots once more.

“Jimin?” your eyes widened in horror as you whispered to yourself without looking back at him because the whole frickin universe knows you don’t want to. Why is he even here?

“What are you doing here?” he questioned.

You heard his footsteps coming closer and had half a mind to run past him, but that would only have been possible if you could clearly see. But there was just enough light to illuminate vague shapes in the darkness. It was a guarantee that if you tried you would trip over something and that would bring its own unnecessary embarrassment.

You sighed heavily before turning to face him.

“I could ask you the same” you rolled your eyes, hardly able to believe your fate. But then again everything that has happened so far wasn’t exactly the definition of stellar.

“Yoongi told me to get decorations for some spring dance or something” he stepped further into the room,blocking the single ray of light coming in through the door and all you could see of him was a dark outline of his body.

“What? He told me to do that?” your nose scrunched in confusion. “I swear if you are pulling some kind of stunt on me, there is plenty in here that I can kill you with” you threatened as you retreated deeper into the room, accidentally stepping over something hard. Stupid Park Jimin was blocking the light and you didn’t want to say anything because the less you spoke to him the better it would be for both of you.

“Why would I do that?” you could hear the outrage in his voice.

“Oh I don’t know” you paused. “Maybe because you have a history of trying to make my life a living hell” Despite that though, something felt off.

You heard him sigh. He didn’t say anything and you felt glad for it.

Shaking your head you turned d to face the myriad of boxes staring back at you, two of which were waiting to be taken out so you could deliver them to Yoongi. Although you tried once before, you tried again to reach up to the box but only managed to get your finger tips scratching against the box. It wasn’t enough height to actually grip it.

“You’ll hurt yourself” you heard Jimin behind you.

“I’ll do it. So leave. I don’t want to talk to you” you strained as you spoke still trying to reach for the box.

Thud

You flinched and turned back around to find that the door had been shut behind Jimin.

“Shit!” you ran for the door, shoving Jimin out of your way and almost knocking him over. “No!” you shook the door as hard as you could to try and open it, but it wouldn’t open. “Hey! We’re in here!!” you yelled as you pounded at the door. “Open it!”

“It’s pointless. It was Yoongi” Jimin’s statement makes you give up.

And then it made sense to you. Of course it was Yoongi. But it wasn’t just Yoongi. It was Taehyung and Jeongguk too. You could see Taehyung’s name written all over this. They knew about your fight with Jimin. He would obviously have told Jeongguk, and Taehyung would have informed Yoongi-- because why not your life is a damn drama anyway.

“Fucking idiots” you groaned as you tried to pry open the door once more by violently pulling at the door handle.

“Save your breath” you heard Jimin and your immediate reaction was to roll your eyes.

You were half expecting him to apologize to you by now-- but you should have known better. It’s Jimin, and you should know by now to not have any expectations from him at all. Yet knowing that, you still somehow ended up with expectations. Jimin could never be the man you wanted him to be yet there you were agonizing over him and how you felt about everything.

Despite everything, the nervous knots in your stomach still lingered behind the anger that was starting to boil over. Your heart somehow still managed to beat frantically against your desperate wishes for it to not. In spite of the frustration, you still felt unnerved, and completely helpless without control over your own mind and body. It served to add to your agitation because what could be more pathetic than feeling all these emotions because of someone you were adamant on hating, yet unable to do so?

You hated how much control Jimin had over you and yet none at all at the same time. He was right. It wasn’t his fault you felt all these feelings when you were the one who looked at him and built expectations in your head. He never forced you, never asked you to worry for him. Yet you did. So how could you blame him and not yourself when a part of it was of your making?

A long exasperated sigh left your mouth and as you slid against the floor and fell on your butt.

It was absolutely dark in the room. Whatever light had been coming in was blocked by the closed door. You closed your eyes and rested your head against it, bringing your knees to your chest and just waiting, no clue for what. It was not like you were magically going to get whisked away from the room and away from Jimin although that would have been a very welcome occurrence.

Then you felt a flash of light causing you to open your eyes.You noticed Jimin had turned on the flashlight from his phone and was walking towards you. There was nowhere else to run towards so you stayed where you were.

He mirrored your posture and collapsed next to you, leaning against the door as well.

Neither of you spoke, and you both actively avoided looking at each other. You fiddled with your hands while Jimin tapped his foot on the ground. From the corner of your eyes you could see him biting his nails.

As if the room wasn’t stuffy enough already, now you were stuck with Jimin and every breath you took seemed to get stuck in your throat. But this was not anything new because feeling suffocated around Jimin was like an occupational hazard. His foot tapping was starting to drive you nuts because it forced you to focus on him and that was the last thing you wanted to do. Not that you could have focused on anything else even if he weren’t sending you a reminder of his presence.

“Stop it!” you snapped, slapping his knee.

Immediately he stops but not without sending you a glare. “What the hell?”

You sighed. “Just shut up”

“I wasn’t the one that started it” he responded shortly.

“Fine. I’ll end it then. Let’s not talk” you shook your head. “Unless you will apologize” you mumbled under your breath but not too quietly because you did want him to hear it.

“How the fuck are we supposed to get out of here if we don’t talk about it?” he turned to face you, his profile illuminated by soft light.

“I am going to call Yoongi, and tell him that we talked it out and we’re good because I am 99% sure they pulled this stunt because they wanted us to talk about whatever happened” you pulled out your phone and were in the midst of dialling Yoongi’s number when Jimin grasped your wrist and pushed your hand down to prevent you from calling.

“But we haven’t talked”

“They don’t need to know it. Just put on those awesome acting skills of yours to use and we’ll pretend we’re good” you wrested your wrist out of his grasp.

“Stubborn as always, Jesus” he shook his head and sighed in what sounded like disappointment.

It worked it gaining your attention because you put your phone away. “Do you really think I want to talk to you after you basically implied I am some kind of two timing slut?”

“That’s not what I meant!” Jimin immediately defends himself.

“Sounded exactly like that” you squinted your eyes at him and glared.

“It wasn’t” he matched your gaze.

But he still did not apologize.

“Wow. You just can’t admit you are wrong can you?” the anger you were feeling bubbled over in your voice

“Fine! I shouldn’t have said that. I was wrong!” he throws his hands in the air.

“Great! Thanks. That totally sounds like a sincere apology” you stood up and dusted your jeans. You dialled Yoongi’s phone once again.

“Y/n” came Yoongi’s voice.

“Get us out of here” you said curtly, losing patience by the second.

“Did you guys talk?” he questioned sounding thoroughly unconvinced.

“We did. He apologized. I forgave him. We’re good and please don’t expect anything else”

“I know better than that with you two” he chuckled. “Fine we’re on our way”

You hung up. Great. There is more waiting around yet. Jimin was still sitting on the ground with his head between his knees. You glanced down at him and couldn’t help but roll your eyes. How could he not be sincere about it? Your hand clenched into a fist the more you dwelled on it and you raised it in the air to hit him when he lifted his head. You quickly put your hand by your side, planted your face against the door and pretended as if you were looking outside.

He stood up, dusted his clothes off. “Y/n-’

“Nope” you craned your neck further against the door as if it would help. The only thing that would do was give you a neck cramp.

“Fine. Fuck it” he snapped.

Your brows creased in confusion at his reaction and you turned to face him. “Seriously?” you scoffed. “How can you-”

The door opened and gust of wind blew through your hair.

“Ah there you guys are” Yoongi appeared in your line of sight as you blinked multiple times to adjust to the light. “Still alive” he chuckled.

“Can’t say the same for you” you slapped him on the arm. Hard.

“Ow!” he rubbed the spot where you hit him.

“Yay! You didn’t kill each other” Taehyung stepped out from behind Yoongi, offering you an awkward smile.

“I am going to kill you” you glared at him and he averted his gaze.Jeongguk peeked in from behind the other door and offered a sheepish smile. “You too” you glared at him and he too looked away.

You shoved past all three of them, hearing small groans and mumbles of complaints as you left.

///

After the incident with Jimin and you being locked in the same room, you decided it was best to go home and rest. You did not have any other classes, and besides you felt too angry to want to talk to Yoongi, Jeongguk, and Taehyung. How could they do you like that? Taehyung especially knew how you felt about it, so how could he even think that you would be okay with something like that?

You knew the moment your eyes started growing heavy, you had been pushed past your limit. So, after multiple sleepless nights you let the drowsiness engulf you and drown you in a deep sleep.

A loud obnoxious knock on the door awoke you from your peaceful nap. Finally after so many days you had no afternoon class because the professor was sick and Taehyung also wasn’t home. But it seemed even a few hours of peace were not in your kismet. You stretched your arms over your head and groggily stood up, dragging your feet towards the door.

You opened the it in your half asleep state and- “Jimin?”

You were awake. Completely alert and awake.

He shoved past you and inside.

“What the-” you followed behind him. “I didn’t say you could come in”

He was already sitting on the couch. “I know. Sit” he motioned to the spot next to him.

“Why are you here?” you folded your arms defensively

“To apologize” he sighed. “Sit” he said sternly, not removing his gaze from you.

You didn’t want to give in so you dug your heels into the ground and stared back with a blank expression.

Jimin pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Always so fucking stubborn”. He looked up at you again. “Sit down”

“Doesn’t seem to me that you are here to apologize” you snapped tapping your foot on the ground.

“Not until you sit down” he insisted. “Look. I am not here to fight or pick an argument with you. So please sit down”

You regarded him in silence. He was just staring at you with conviction in his eyes. His gaze was unflinching.

1 second

2 seconds

3 seconds

4 seconds

“Oh for fucks sake, sit down y/n” Jimin yelled making you flinch.

“Stop yelling!” you matched the loudness of his voice after composing yourself. “And no, I don’t want to sit. I don’t want to talk about anything” you turned on your heels and headed towards the door. You turned the handle and just as you were about to open the door, it shut with a loud thud making you flinch.

You felt a tug at your arm.

“What are you doing!?” you pressed hard against his chest using your palms, but he did not budge. “Let me go!” you yelled just as his hands enclosed around your wrists and he pinned you against the door. He was holding your wrists against his chest as he pressed you further against the door.

It was too close for comfort.

“No. I won’t. You have to listen to me”

“I don’t want to” you tried to wrest your hands from his grasp but his hands only tightened around your wrists in response. “Jimin, it’s hurting”

“Good. Because I am hurting too. Why the fuck wont you just listen to me?!” he snapped.

“Because!” you yelled. “Because I know what it will lead to and I don’t want that to come” your vision grew misty because of tears.

“Why!” he pulled you towards himself, your hands still pressed against his chest.

“I don’t know. I am just scared. I am terrified of this Jimin. Don’t you see?” you swallowed hard to choke back a sob.

“Yeah. Like it’s so easy for me right?” his eyes searched yours for any kind of indication that you understood. “You do not understand how frustrating this is for me”

“I don’t understand? I can’t do anything Jimin! I can’t even sleep. I feel suffocated all the time and there is this tightness in my stomach that I am always trying to get rid of. Are you happy that you have created a mess out of me?” you glared at him feeling the heat rising in your body.

He scoffed. “I have never met anyone in my life who could destroy me so gently in the way that you have. I meant it when I said I was prepared to hate you forever. I was. I never thought I could feel anything other than dislike for you. But something changed. I know you don’t like talking about this but hear me out” he said when he noticed you were going to speak. He let go of your wrists and leaned in while placing both his hands on either side of you, effectively trapping you between himself and the door.

“These past few months have been the most frustrating, agonizing, and painful months of my life. I didn’t want my feelings to change. God knows, I tried. I tried so hard to make them go away. I tried to distract myself with girls to get away from my feelings. I know you are aware of why I brought Bethany to the party. Y/n, you have to know how unbearably difficult this is for me.I am absolutely terrified every time I am around you” he chuckled to himself.

“Right now, I can’t even breathe because you are in front of me. My heart is going crazy in here” he pointed to his chest, eyes never wavering away from yours. “All I can hear are the vibrations of my heart beating so loud that I feel like I’ll have a heart attack. I am barely able to hear myself. You do something to me. Every single time I am near you, I just forget who and what I am supposed to be”

“Jimin-”

“No” he shook his head. “I need you to know this. You and Hoseok, I don’t know what your dynamic is. I don’t know what you feel for him. It makes me jealous seeing you with him because I know what he feels for you” he cleared his throat because his voice quivered. “And because I know what he feels for you, I am terrified”

“Why?” you asked, despite not wanting to interrupt him because you needed to understand this part of him if you ever wanted to truly understand the depth and complexity of his feelings.

“Because I don’t want you to like him. Because he’s a better man than I am and a hundred times more deserving of you. Because I know you will be happier with him. Because at the end of the day I know you could do better than me. But the saddest part is I can’t do better than you and I know it. There’s you and then there’s nothing” he paused, trying to collect his thoughts.

“It’s incredibly selfish of me to want you. I’ve spent my whole life trying to get rid of the empty feeling inside of me. Most of the fucked up things I have done in my life; booze, smoking, mindless sex-- it’s all because I had never truly felt anything. But then you happened and all of a sudden I felt the whole fucking spectrum of emotions. This isn’t an excuse for my past behaviour in any way. But it’s true” he bit his lip and let go of your wrists.

Dumfounded, all you could do was stare at him. “I-I didn’t know…” you trailed off unable to find the right words to say. Every single word of his hit you like a ton of bricks. You never thought he was capable of feeling so much because he always put on his don’t-give-a-shit- act on.

He laughed softly. “You couldn’t have. I suck at showing my feelings. I don’t know what to do with myself when I am around you. I guess that’s why I do stupid shit”

Silence followed Jimin’s words as both of you avoided looking at each other. Being this vulnerable with each other was not exactly something you were comfortable with.

“I am not playing you or Hoseok for fools” you said in a quiet tone which made Jimin look up at you.

“Y/n-”

“No. Let me finish. I don’t know what I feel for you. But Hoseok is just a friend. I don’t have any feelings for him. Yes he’s a very nice guy, but he’s not the right one for me because if he was I would already like him. But I don’t. Not in that sense. Being around you is suffocating for me too. You-” you chuckle to yourself. “You make me feel things no one has before. The night we kissed, I had never felt that way before. But whatever this is between us, it won’t work” you shake your head.

“You’re right. It won’t because you have already made up your mind. I am sick of trying to be better so that I can feel like I deserve you. But you won’t even give me a chance”

“What would change if I did? Hmm?”

“Everything” he whispered, his eyes conveying desperation that you were feeling too.

“What then?” you shrugged.

He looked at you, trying his best to understand what you were feeling. But he couldn’t.

“What are you scared of?”

“You” you whispered. “ How do I trust you? How do I trust that you won’t hurt me?”

“I won’t” his hands moved from beside you, to cup your cheeks. “I won’t” he whispered as he left a feather light peck on your forehead. You eyes closed instinctively, and your hands clenched into fists beside you.

He pulled back to look at you. “It’s always been about you y/n. All of it”

You opened your eyes to look up at him. “Then prove it to me”

“I promise I will” he replied.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Don’t forget to like or reblog if you enjoyed reading this! Feedback is welcome as always. Thank you for taking the time to read :)

#bts #bts jimin x reader #bts scenarios #bts smut #bts enemies to lovers #bts college au #bts badboy au #bts fluff #bts angst #bts jimin scenarios #bts jimin fanfic #bts jimin college au #jimin x reader

212 notes · View notes

howlingmoonrise · 5 years ago

Text

Dear Yuletide Author

hello and thank you for signing up for yuletide, i hope you have fun during the challenge!

i ramble a lot so my letter is under a readmore (i put everything in one post so you don’t have to juggle links around). obviously you don’t have to follow any of the things i put in here, but hopefully this will help you out!

general things i like

PINING. I’M SUCH A SLUT FOR PINING ALL THE PINING ULTRA PINING SUPER PINING. i have SO MUCH FUN reading about idiots in love who aren’t together yet and i far prefer it to fics with already established relationships. this is also applicable to when they know the other is in love with them but they can’t act on it for some reason.

i’m down for either gen or romantic!! what really does it for me is the developing relationship, platonic or otherwise, and the character dynamics and interactions and all the little moments in between. stuff like developing trust and finding kinship and growing respect for the other and subconsciously learning to lean on the other over anyone else is far more important for me than any kissing will ever be (though kissing is also nice if you wanna go down that route lmao)

i love love LOVE enemies/rivals-?to-friends?-to-lovers and bickering pairs in general, as you can probably tell by my choice in character! it’s so much fun and it gives us so many opportunities for character and relationship developments :D

continuing from the above points, nothing kills me as much as characters that bicker all the time but in the end they rely on the other and go to each other before they go to anyone else, whether they realize it or not

i REALLY like the canon and characters for all the fandoms i picked, so sticking at least to their characterizations and the overall “tone” of canon is a huge plus!! “missing scenes” and “what if” canon-divergent situations are excellent, as are continuations from where canon left us! that being said, i also enjoy more conceptual AUs and i’ve put more details about those a little further below. rule of thumb is that i enjoy AUs where the focus remains more on the relationship itself and how it works on such a setting than on the worldbuilding for it.

fun tropes i enjoy (sorry, these are a bit romance-leaning but if you’re not into that they can probably be adapted somehow): fake dating, accidentally got roped into x and shenanigans of all sorts keep happening, misunderstood confessions, groundhog day au, one or both the characters having stupid levels of denial while technically in a relationship and just not realizing it like What Do You Mean We’re Dating??, that sorta thing.

TROPE SUBVERSION ALL THE WAY!

general things i dislike

kidfics. babyfics. next gen fics. pregnancy fics, or even pregnancy discussed in the fic is a major squick of mine. the one exception i make for kidfics is for petshop of horrors when it comes to chris and the pets, as they already belong in canon, but no babies or children otherwise please.

future fics in general, actually. what i enjoy is the relationship development, so huge time skips make me feel like we missed way too much. one exception to this is post-canon petshop of horrors, for obvious reasons.

i usually don’t like most angst stuff since it feels a bit gratuitous to me when it comes to most fandoms and characters. the one exception for this is psoh (see below if you’re picking this fandom - and wow psoh seems to be the exception to everything huh) or when it’s a more introspective sort of fic. as a result of this, i’d pass on most content with major character death, sexual abuse, self-harm, the like, though of course there are always exceptions to the rule and you’re free to write as you wish!

hard AUs are a bit ugh to me. by this i mean AUs that rely heavily on setting, such as high school AUs, harry potter AUs, that sort of thing. i DO however enjoy stuff like siren AUs and soulmate AUs, depending on the concept and on the fandom. more details in their own sections if you enjoy writing those!

i heavily dislike things involving cheating/infidelity, sickfics, and genderbending of any kind is a bit ehhhh for me, as are concepts such as ABO. hard pass on stuff like dysphoria and deep diving into most mental illnesses, too (with a possible exception for depression when it comes to psoh).

script-based or roleplay fic is not really my preferred format, i really enjoy prose instead of nearly all dialogue!

if you’re going for nsfw

kinks

moderate sadomasochism, uncommon forms of bondage (plants, stuck with strange substance or in awkward position, the shadows from p&tf as restraints, etc), choking/breathplay, xenophilia and tentacles/alien genitals (shadowplay in p&tf, non-human genitals for the staryk lord, etc), moderate degradation, edging/desperation play, ladies topping and calling the shots, bloodplay/knifeplay, long hair/hair pulling (staryk lord, leon orcot), sharp nails/claws (staryk lord, charlotte la bouff, count d; miryem mandelstam having them is actually preferable to the staryk lord now that i think of it), lowkey cannibalism imagery (count d re:leon orcot)

squicks

scat, vomit, praise kink, daddy or baby kink, vore, forced feminization, pet play, gore, abuse, abo, anything involving pregnancy at all

PETSHOP OF HORRORS

i’m usually not very partial to angst but GODS does psoh throw that out of the window, so feel more than free to run with it if you wanna go down that route. psoh is RIPE for angst. we got two people with abandonment and inadequacy issues: leon who decided to leave his whole life behind to chase someone who gave him life and then left and initially didn’t even bother to do it with any sort of goodbyes, and d who is supremely fucked up by his upbringing and had to push leon off the ark to continue his family’s mission and let drop one (1) single tear that he was not supposed to cry over a human. those fuckers. those idiots. i love them so much.

THAT BEING SAID, i also!!!! love slice of life shit for them!!!!!!!! GODS i love how much they bicker but then they turn around and the other is the person they rely on the most and who they trust implicitly above all others and how they keep roping each other into ridiculous shenanigans. neither of them are particularly communicative with a few rare exceptions, so there’s also a lot of room there for introspection and unspoken affection on both sides, which i LOVE. my son leon in particular is also super underestimated when it comes to his intelligence and tolerance for gay shit both in canon and fandom, and he performs ridiculous leaps of logic and instinct that somehow turn out to be right but that are super ???? for everyone else involved, and that’s always fun to see. hell, just another missing scene where leon brings d some cake and they banter fondly over tea is A++++ to me!!

nsfw???? bring it!!! this is the one fandom where you’re more than free to go super dark and kinky if you wanna, or if you wanna write tender loving reunion sex where d cries a little while leon is loving and disbelieving and so very careful that’s also excellent! i don’t have a particular preference on who tops either, it’s fun either way, but i tend to see leon more as a sub/masochist >u> i can also see it going a bit dark with those two, especially considering d and his kind (implied to eat human flesh and being predators more than once) so bloodplay and cannibalistic thoughts could be fun. re: d’s genitals (as are hotly debated in the fandom), i usually prefer either a dick or triple threat d, though some fun plant-man shenanigans also have their place here.

all in all, psoh is the most excellent genre triangle where i’d be super happy to receive anything on the slice-of-life/angst/smut corners! (also, slash is 3249823% acceptable if you couldn’t tell by my ranting, as is a hint of crack)

if you’re thinking going AU on this one, my suggestions are of slight universe alterations instead of major world AUs. examples could be soulmate AUs (trope subversion would be GREAT here, aka foreign script they didn’t initially recognize, or only Ds having soulmates while humans do not, or the same scenario as the last but leon DOES have it on his skin and just keeps it hidden because Normal Humans Don’t Have Birth Tattoos, or d never expected to have one because his kind is dead and yet when he pushes leon from the ark the soulmate bond is forged, etc), a different first meeting, or even missed connections when they did not know each other yet; something like papa being alive and brady bunch-ing it up with them and chris would also be both excellent and hilarious. epistolary form for those two is also fun! if you wanna go full universe AU, something like a vampire hunter leon could be very interesting >u>

SPINNING SILVER

WHERE DO I EVEN START. miryem and the staryk lord were my favourite part of the book; if the book was only their story i would have already been more than satisfied. the rest of the book is also excellent, but those two???? that story was far too great. enemies to allies to lovers is one of my favourite tropes, and this is one of the examples that just keeps proving me right. the slowly growing respect, the wariness when they both know what the other is capable of, the staryk lord getting hit with the hots for his wife when she manages the impossible and then miryem being unable to just let it go when he’s imprisoned and defeated. ACTUALLY lemme just grab that line of thought and bring up that moment when he was sorrowful and resigned when miryem didn’t argue further for the three rooms full of gold and he thought she would not succeed and that she would have to die for it. that, right there? those moments of renewed respect, those moments sudden longing for something they did not know they wanted? those are the things that kill me.

tonally, i love the sort of writing in canon too much to ask for anything different, though you’re by no means obliged to keep to it or to 1st person pov (i have a love-hate relationship with 1st person pov, ngl). missing moments from the novel or moments from the period of time they spent either courting or apart would be GREAT. for those two i actually don’t mind it too much if they’re already established, if it’s early on in the relationship when they’re still learning how to step around one another. the staryk lord flabbergasted or in awe of miryem is always Excellent(TM). bits of worldbuilding and staryk culture would be fun as applied to their relationship (such as the names thing, or courting habits, etc) as are AUs such as soulmates or alternate meetings and the like. if you’re wanting to go full universe AU, keeping some fairytale elements would be great!

if you’re going for nsfw? the name kink, holy shit that would be so goooood. the staryk lord being a bit of a masochist under miryem’s hands would also be great, and inhuman staryk genitals and erogenous zones/acts would be great to play with such as human body heat affecting them in different ways from normal, etc. bringing in his long hair would be a major plus. the build-up for the actual act is the best, so miryem and the staryk lord being super hot for each other while either denying it internally pre-relationship or being unable to go through with it post-relationship due to several factors (busy dealing with their people, no privacy, etc) would be EXCELLENT. so much fun can be had here!

PRINCESS AND THE FROG

i am 100% aware this is a weird-ass pairing but gods, the possibilities. it has so much potential. there are few things i like quite as much as a villain and a good person developing a strange sort of kinship with each other. this doesn’t have to mean in a romantic way, obviously! as i said, for me it’s the building understanding and reluctant respect that i really love, far more than the actual romance.

ideas, ideas, ideas. i’m aware this is a rare relationship to either portray or ask for, so i’m gonna try to give some more concrete-ish ones for you to build up on if you have no clue as to how to approach this. we could have canonverse with charlotte dealing with the shadowman in some other matter while the main plot is occurring, making him feel somewhat guilty about the whole marriage plot with laurence-turned-naveen; cue introspection or an entirely different outcome. or a post-canon sort of hades&persephone plot, with charlotte curious despite herself and tempted to listen to a shadow/dead/whatever!dr facilier when she’s the only one that can hear him, or her being dragged Beneath as well in a freak accident and then charming him into helping her back to the surface/living world (very, veeeeery reluctantly on his part, at least at the start, he might have even be thinking of tricking her but then change his mind when the time comes to do it). i think dr facilier wouldn’t be sure how to deal with charlotte’s particular brand of personality and good humour, and it’d throw him off his rhythm a lot - that sort of thing is always super fun to write.

soulmate au in canon would work pretty well, but with this pairing? FULL WORLD AU IS YOURS FOR THE TAKING. keeping to the shadowman sort of thing to her normal bougie self would be a major plus; it’s one of her charms. also, charlotte thinking that she wants one thing (her prince, for example) while keeping getting drawn to him time and time again could work on pretty much any era or setting. vice-versa for him, thinking he wants to be rid of her but coming to realize he’d actually miss her if she were to be gone. OR, charlotte deciding she wants this sullen manipulative bastard and manipulating HIM into taking her out and hanging out with her would be hilarious.

if you wanna do nsfw, i have only one major request: charlotte calling the shots/topping. i think this arrangement would be entirely in character for both of them (dr facilier would prob also enjoy having someone else do all the work lol) considering her go-getter attitude, but keeping in mind his manipulative personality i’d be more comfortable if she had some control over what was happening. ASIDE FROM THAT, dyou know what would be fun? a little darkness, and by that i mean consider dr facilier’s shadow joining in on the fun. shadows would also be an interesting sort of constraint. also i know i said charlotte calling the shots, but she can be constrained by the shadows while being amused by it or being used for it to happen (the latter case implying it’s not the first time that they’ve used it in bed play), or charlotte could team up with Shadow to do it to facilier instead. charlotte using her nails and facilier being a bit of a sub/masochist would also be pretty good!

(actually in general it’d be really fun if there was some complicity between charlotte and facilier’s shadow in general, regardless of nsfw or not. the shadow being wrapped around her little finger is an excellent concept, especially if facilier isn’t too fond of her just yet lmfao.)

thank you for reading all my rambling, and i hope you have fun!

#howl rambles a lot #yuletide #yuletide 2019 #dear yuletide author

1 note · View note