#I think it was about your most ten replayed songs

[pvrkacciosan]

The Elevator

Synopsis: A Member of the Ferrari hospitality team gets stuck in the lift with the drivers who gave us the amazing moment of being stuck there, But shes not alone.

Pairing: Grid X Staff!reader

Warning; Panic attack, Single mother, claustrophobic,

Word Count: 2.3K

Your day had already been as hectic as it could get,

First the sitter for your daughter, Lexi; called in sick, leaving you with no alternative, and taking your daughter to work on a race week was never a good idea. Her high energy and hyper personality were great, but not when it was busy and you had limited ways to keep an eye on her.

Her father had left when he found out about you being pregnant, but being the person you were, you refused to give up on your daughter. Which had been the best decision you had ever made in your life, despite your current predicament.

Big crowd.

High stress.

A Toddler. What could possible go wrong?

Lexi held tightly to your hand as you walked around, your other arm aching from the cases of water bottles you carried. You worked for the Ferrari Hospitality team, so basically spend most of your day running around to make sure people had access to food and water,

You were proud to work for them, and besides. Lexi's favourite color was red, and when asked she got rater upset when you suggesting moving to another team.

"Mummy, we go track now?"

"No baby, I need to work right now, but you can get my phone to watch later okay"

She loved to watch the races, which she usually did with the sitter, you had only about ten minute to get back down to the hospitality, which with a five year old and a hefty packet of wate bottles, would be a tight window.

Her tiny feet pattered against the floor as you turned down the hallway to the stairs, you halted, there was at least a couple flights of them and when you arm began to shake under the weight of the water you knew you were never going to get down them intime.

Gritting your teeth you turned in the other direction, towards the elevator. You had never really liked them, the tight fit of being inside one made you nervous.

But it was only going to be for a few minutes, and Lexi would probably distract you, you would be alright.

Trying your hardest to drag your daughter towards the lift, when you could see it fast approaching in the numbers above the door, you managed to press the button as it slowed to the floor you were currently on.

You quickly readjusted the packet in your arm, as Lexi began to sing lightly to a cartoon song, which you couldn't quite pick the name of.

The door slide open slightly and you can already feel the shake in your hands, making it more difficult for you to keep grip of the bottles.

When the doors open however, you were equally as shocked to spot what could have been half the starting grid inside the small vertically moving box.

Lexi went to skip inside, completely unfazed by the group of adult men all who craned their heads down to watch the singing girl,

You were quick to readjust the water once more, reaching for your daughter you almost dropped it,

"No lex, Let them go first we'll catch it next time"

There was a slight shuffle amongst the group as the driver in red spun to try and look at you over the shoulders of the others, probably recognising your voice,

Lexi wandered back to you as an accented voice spoke from the group, and several hands extended out to stop the door from shutting on your daughter.

"Please. We can move over, there's space" Carlos spoke quickly, you had met a couple of them before when handing bottles around the paddock on extremely hot days, and watching them on race replays with Lexi, you could easily recognise those with thicker accent.

You didn't know what made you think that getting into an already crowded elevator, after hating the boxes in the first place.

You took Lexi's hand and shuffled into the space the drivers made for you and your daughter. The water made it equally as awkward as you tried not to bump into any of them,

The silence that lapped over the elevator, allowed you to try and settle your thoughts, until the silence was interrupted by a soft voice, as she began singing once more, you were not the only one to cast you gaze down to Lexi as she stared at her own feet, head bopping away to the tune she mumbled, not really knowing the words.

There was a couple of giggles shared amongst the drivers, you felt your cheeks bloom in heat as Daniel caught your eyes as you awkwardly looked around for something to look at that wasn't one of the drivers,

"She adorable" he gestured to Lexi, who continued to sing along, her little hand now patting your thigh in an offbeat rhythm to her singing.

"Yeah she i—" your word got cut abruptly short as the elevator jerked to a sudden stop.

There was a moment where everyone inside took a second to realise what had just happened, and it was apparent, that yes. The elevator had in-fact. Stopped.

Not even a second passed before you could already feel the rising panic creep up your spine. Lexi finally took a second to look around, little eyes wide as she stared at the man beside her, Charles waved at your daughter, Lando follow his lead when Lexi began giggling.

But you couldn't focus on your daughter, you tried, but the air began to constrict in your chest.

You could briefly hear the noise of a recording button being pressed and the noise of the drivers muttering amongst themselves.

The camera was switched off and the men around you shuffled to get comfortable as they settled into waiting, one of them already had pressed the emergency help button by the door.

The walls felt like the were getting closer to you, and your grip on the bottle became slick, until you were fumbling to keep them against you. At last they slipped out and thumped against the floor of the elevator,

The metal box shook slightly and when the drivers on either side of you, reached down to help you pick them up, the boxed moved once more, the room around you shook, which only seemed to make the walls close in faster,

You couldn't help it anymore, emitting a small whimper, as tears began to streak down your cheeks.

The elevator fell silent as all the drivers took in the sounds as you began crying,

"She cries" Lexi said simply, as though it wasn't obvious to the men that you were doing so,

As your knee began to shake slightly when more panic sets in, You stumble but don fall as you feel a couple sets of hands grab your body, holding you up. There was not enough space to sit yourself down, which only made your breathing turn more ragged.

"Whats wrong?" George whispered from behind her, he sounded close enough to be one of the drivers currently holding her up, but with this metal tin can, they were all too close and that was the problem.

"She custrabobic" Lexi said, patting Pierre on the leg lightly,

The french driver pulled a face, and looked to the English speaking drivers for aid, not entirely understanding what exactly the small girl was attempting to tell him,

Lando cast a quick look at you, being closer to Lexi then George and Danny he leaned down slightly she peered up at him,

"What is she?" he asked trying to get the little girl to repeat herself,

"Custrabobic" Lexi spoke, happy with herself she smiled at Lando, her smile beaming as she looked around the elevator.

You rasped slightly, squeezing your eyes shut tighter, leaning into the closest body to your own, which ever driver it was wrapped his arms further around you, seeming to take the majority of your weight.

Lando nodded at your daughter before shooting a pleading look to George, who looked in thought over the toddlers words, as he watched you.

Lando moved aside as Romain squeezed past him, leaning down to grab one of the bottles you had previously been holding, twisting the cap open he passed to Valtteri who brought it in front of you.

You tried to reach for it, but as your hands shook, you let a frustrated sigh leave you, Lexi had somehow gotten to the other side of the elevator and in her haste to get back to her mum she crawled along the floor, Romain and Charles had to widen their stance as the little girl crawled under them giggle as she got closer to you.

She was too young to understand that you weren't exactly in the right state to answer her as she began to ask about the track once more.

"Claustrophobic!" Carlos yelled suddenly, hand raising in happiness as he somehow managed to puzzle out your daughters words, Lexi turned to the man now. She jumped in excitement, nodding wildly at him,

"Yea , yeh!" She flailed her little arms around, and when you whimpered softly at the movement, Carlos was quick to settle your child, distracting her with something on his phone.

The air was no longer getting into your lungs any more, despite the rattling of people outside the door, working to pry the elevator doors open.

With your eyes widening in panic you fumbled to grab the hand of the driver which still had you hugged into his chest, when the men shuffled around to let Charles past them, he knelt slightly at your front,

"You're Y/n, Right?", eyes scanning the familiar red crew uniform you wore.

He gently took the bottle from your grasp, looking back at George who held you in place against him.

The surroundings of your vison began to grow fuzzy and dark, blinking rapidly to try and clear it away, you could just see Charles as he realised just how unsettled the crowding had made you,

Unsure whether to touch you or not, he awkwardly held his hands around you, looking to the other drivers who all looked equally at a loss on what to do,

With your mind in a flurry, you couln't really pay much mind to what was going on around you, as the room spun, you squeezed both eyes shut tightly, despretly hoping to block out the feeling of a bubble around your body. Wrapping you up and squeezing the air from you.

Weakly you could feel the hands tighten on your body, holding you up, until you were passed into the hands of another, and finally sat onto the ground.

The ground was cooler beneath your palm when you placed them flat onto the surface,

"Y/n?"

The voice sounded like a speaker underwater, the words lost on you,

"Y/n?"

When the corners of your sight began to come back into focus, you could just see two bodies in front of you, One extended a bottle to you,

You took it gratefully, trying to still the shake that gripped you,

The two drivers, Charles and Pierre sat with you as they patiently waited for you to come back to reality. You watched on as a couple of the other drivers continued to watch your daughter,

She had been picked up by Daniel who bounced her on his hip, while Lando hid behind the Australian's shoulder, before 'jumping' out from behind him to scare Lexi.

Her giggle filled the air, people were milling about working to close of the elevator.

"Mummy" She squealed out loudly, as Daniel placed her back on the ground, she took off in your direction at a run, stumbling a little over her shoes, which fashioned Lightening McQueen on the side, with red flashing lights on their base.

She stopped to observe the drivers that still sat with you, taking in their faces now they were her head height,

"You drive big red" her happiness was palpable as she pointed to Charles's red shirt, her small hand pressing against the rearing horse at his chest.

"Why, Yes." he smiled lightly at her, chuckling softly,

It was then that you finally checked the time on your watch, you were at least five minutes late, pushing up off the ground quickly you reached for what bottles had been recollected,

"Hold on-"

"Wait a minute"

There was a couple more voices of protest from the drivers as you rose up, ignoring their stares you began to balance the bottles back in your arms,

"Lex, come on" You said quickly to your daughter,

"We go track now?"

"No baby, we can watch them later, say bye now"

Your daughter, whose bottom lip was now jutted out slightly turned to wave to the drivers, She got closer to your side, placing her little hand in yours,

There was a shuffle behind you as Charles quickly got up,

"We could watch her" he offered, You turned to meet his stare, "Take her down into the paddock, Let you make sure your okay, and I will bring her back around to the hospitality after."

Without even looking at Lexi, you could already feel her excited vibrating off her in waves. Charles wasn't the only one that looked on in hope,

You were still feeling a light fuzz in your head, and with how hot it was, perhaps having someone to watch your daughter for a while wasn't such a bad idea.

"We promise to return her in one piece" Daniel smiled softly at you, despite the amusement in his tone, perhaps in an attempt to persuade you.

Lexi tugged at your hand, you looked down, she was twirling and tapping her feet lightly, causing them to light up.

"Alright ..."

Lexi has already taken off before you could finish talking. Pierre, swiftly took off his hat and plopped it onto your daughter's head. The two of them speaking in whispered voices.

You turn your stare to Charles. " Please if anything happens come find me"

He nodded quickly before turning to take Lexi's hand.

Even as they walked away you could hear the excited giggles from the grown men as your daughter told them all she knew about formula 1 and how one day she was going to be just like them.

You didn't doubt it, and as you turn to move across towards the Ferrari Hospitality, now two hands clutching the bottles, you couldn't help but be thankful for the time free to settle your nerves.

Even if your daughter's babysitter was a bunch of men who enjoyed driving really fast.

[dilfl0v3rss]

WAIT CS I HAVE AN IDEA-

Y/n sneaks out to a party that she don’t have no business in going and ony catches her when she get home and fuck ha shit upp Like he always doo

AWWWW SHIT NAAAAAAA. I LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOINGGGGG.😩😩😩

party pooper

cw: gun violence

word count: 2.1k

── ⋅⋅⋅ ────꒰ ୨ ♡ ୧ ꒱───────

you were thinking about this party all week, having an outfit and everything picked so you didn’t have anything to worry about the day of. ony knew you were going out tonight, but you kind of left out the fact that you were going to the trenches to shake ass at a party. he still ended up finding out anyways, telling you to stay your ass home, but who tf want to do that.

he wasn’t supposed to be home until late so you figured you could just sneak out and be back by the time he got home. so that’s exactly what you did. your friend was outside your house by ten and you got right tf up outta there, skirt riding up your ass as you ran to the car in excitement. “bitchhh you ready?” sasha yelled, hands gripping the steering wheel as she shook in excitement.

“nah i’m actually shakin in my boots. if this man find out i think he might kill me furreal.” you and sasha were basically in the same predicament, going to this party without the approval of your boyfriends. “who give a fuck? we live right now and we’ll die laterrrr.” you giggled, nodding your head in agreement as you turned up the music and sung along for the rest of the journey.

the party was jumping. there was bitches shaking ass (including you), niggas selling drugs, and good music playing so loud that it could be heard down the block. you and sasha got comfortable real quick and we’re honestly having the most fun you’ve had in awhile. “this is your song girl you can’t let these hoes outdo youuu!!” sasha yelled as the intro to freak hoe by speaker knockerz began to play. you made your way to the middle of the floor swaying side to side until the beat dropped.

ass shaking in circles as you leaned over and held onto sasha’s arms for support. everyone’s eyes gravitated towards you as you continued moving to the song, that was until three loud gunshots were heard. bodies began to scatter everywhere as the entire party got ruined. people were jumping out of windows and running in random peoples cars just to get away from the cause of the deadly sound.

you and sasha finally made it to her car. pissed that your fun was ruined. “Y/N! bring your ass over here, NOW!!” your body froze as you listened to the familiar voice. while you was too busy being hardheaded and living it up at a party you shouldn’t be at, you didn’t think to try to at least be lowkey. ony and connie were chilling at their trap house when he looked one of his friend’s story. there you were, shaking ass for the whole world to see, skirt practically on your stomach as you gave everyone a show.

“man ima kill this girl” connie looked at his friend in concern before bubbling with the same anger as he watched the video replay on his phone. “i know that’s not my girl in the back. yea we out.” connie grumbled, pointing at sasha who was right behind you recoding as well. with that the two of them sped to the party, guns hidden securely on their waists as they walked inside.

ony didn’t plan on shooting it up, he actually was just gon calmly grab you up outta there for your safety because this is a bad area you were in. he looked around the house until his eyes landed on the center of a big circle of people. once he registered the sight in front of him he could help but reach right for his gun. your boyfriend was nowhere near insecure. he knew it was your body and that you had every right to shake some ass if you wanted, but the sight of the men around you made him sick.

cameras out, zooming closer and closer to your more private areas as you were obliviously dancing along to your favorite song. in no time his gun was out and there were three bullets let off in the ceiling. ony watched the people scatter as he waited inside for the house to be empty. him and connie stood on the porch, watching you stand next to sasha while she scrambled in her bag for her keys.

“m’not playin wit you girl. come over here now or it’s just gon be worse for you at home.” your legs moved slowly as you thought of an excuse as to why you were here. before you knew it, you were face to face with his heavy breathing chest, instantly making you revert your eyes to the ground. “unt uhh look at me mama. ian down there.” his strong hand wrapped around your throat, forcing your head to shoot upwards towards his face.

“here’s what’s gon happen. you gon get in the car, quietly. ion wanna here no crying or whining during this whole ride or ima add it on to the lesson ima teach you when we get home, understand?” his voice was low and menacing as he stared into your eyes, face drained of any emotion. “o-okay.” your lungs filled with air as ony let go of your neck, nodding towards his car.

you sat in the passenger seat scared shitless as you watched him give the guy that threw the party a stack of cash, probably for the damage he caused, before dapping connie up and saying goodnight to sasha. he got in the car quietly, not sparing you a single glacé before driving the two of you home. the ride was completely silent like he wanted. any excuses you thought of were quickly swallowed as well as the urge to cry.

you didn’t even notice when you got home until you felt your door open. “let’s go.” ony mumbled. he walked you to the living room, manspreading on the couch while you stared down at him. “m’really really really so-” he sucked his teeth before throwing you over hip lap. skirt already so short that his brown eyes got a good view of your soaked panties. warm palm caressing your ass as he spoke. “what’d i tell you baby?”

the smoothness of his voice made you shiver. “why you shakin’? ian spank you yet.” a chuckle rumbled from ony’s chest as he listened intently for your reply. “m’scared.” you were terrified. usually when you’d get in trouble your boyfriend would lecture you and make a big fuss so his calmness was very foreign to you.

“good.” a hard smack was brought to your ass causing the pending tears in your eyes to begin to fall. your hands instantly flew to cover your burning skin, sheliding them from his rough palms. “you know why ian want you over there right?” he grabbed both of your hands into his singular one, ignoring your whimpers. “b-because it’s n-not sa-“

“because it’s not fucking safe, that’s right. a nigga could’ve put sum in your drink or snatched you up. that’s the shit that be happening at parties like that and instead of being my good girl and listening to me, you decided to be. a. brat.” three more strikes were made to your ass. each harder than the last as you thrashed around on his thighs. “m-m’sorry papa.”

your tears created a small wet patch to form on the couch. you honestly didn’t mean to make him worry so much. it was just that you haven’t gotten to go out in awhile and wanted to finally have some fun. the wet patch went unnoticed until your cheek was smushed into it. ony removed himself from under you, positioning his body behind your before pushing your back down. “yea i bet you are baby. hold onto that pillow right there.”

head nodding towards the cushion as he untied the strings of his sweatpants. you gushed at the sight of his print through his grey briefs, moaning out loud as you thought of how good he was going to feel. “look straight mama. this a punishment, not a reward.” you obeyed, gripping the pillow tightly as you prepared yourself for the stinging stretch of his dick.

“be g-gentle daddy.” you mumbled as ony gripped both of your asscheeks, pulling your panties to the side and squeezing them as he spreader them apart. “be obedient.” he trusted his full length into you, giving you no time to prepare as he began pounding you into the cushion of the couch. “oouuu fuck mama. you always so tight.” ony groaned, hand flat on your back as his other delivered many slaps on your ass.

you outstretched your arm, pushing at his stomach for him to ease up. “p-pleaseeee aahhgg. jus take a little out daddyyyy.” whining as you were already trying to run from him. ony grabbed the bottom of your shirt, pulling your ass all the way back to him to the point where you were flush against his stomach. “stop running and take this shit. and move your fucking hand. barely even started yet.” he slapped your hand away, continuing to pound into you.

all eight inches of him curving just right in your pussy. as you got more used to his size, your heat grew wetter as the constant friction. moans began flying from your mouth left and right making you tighten round him. “there you go mama. takin me like a good girl.” his hips began snapping into you harder, making it more difficult for you to take him. “ahh w-wait a little bit daddy. s’too biggg.”

ignoring you, ony thrusted into you harder, pushing your back down lower so he could reach that spongy spot deep inside you. your stomach brushed against the couch as your body jolted. “unt uhh baby where’s the big girl that like t’sneak out, huh? where’s the girl that like to go out and shake her ass in a skimpy lil skirt while her man is worried sick about her?” where she at?”

wetness trickling down your thighs as you kept your death grip on the pillow. “s-she said she’s ahh s-sorry. m’sorryyyy daddyyy.” ony halted his trusts, giving you a hard slap on your ass and tightening his grip on your shirt. “mhmm throw that ass back princess. make it up to daddy.” his strong arm started you off by pulling you back and forth by your shirt before letting you do it on your own. ass clapping repeatedly as you twerked on his dick.

his brown eyes rolling as he felt you clench tighter around him. you continued working yourself on his shaft, chasing your upcoming orgasm. “d-daddy?”you were met with nothing but his hips fucking you back as he stared at where the two of you were connected. he was hypnotized by your body. “baby?” his head snapped up towards yours, shaking himself out of his thoughts before replying. “y-yea pretty? ahh fuck.” he breathed.

“i’m r-really sorry. i d-didn’t mean to make y-you worry, honest. i-i jus wanted t’go have funn, and when you told me the day of that i wasn’t allowed i g-got a little upset. i wont g-go over there e-ever again i swearrrr.” you began pushing yourself back harder as you held eye contact. ony’s resolve weakened as he felt his blood begin rushing to his dick, signaling to him he was going to cum if he didn’t get in control quickly.

ony’s hand tangled in your hair before pulling you up to his chest, arm wrapping around your middle as he kissed up and down your neck. his long tongue licked a stripe behind your ear before whispering dirty words to you. “mhmm. m’not finna say it’s okay ‘cause it’s not, but i forgive you mama. now keep making daddy feel good and i’ll give you this nut. how dat sound?” his teeth closed around your ear, gold girls pinching the skin. “y-yes please.”

the both of you moved on one accord, fucking each other dumb as you reached your climax’s. body growing weak and legs shaking as your thick cream rushed down his shaft. ony easily held you up, continuing to use you as his personal fleshlight. “ughh fuck baby m’finna cum.” his pace quickened, hips pistoning into you as you screamed from the overstimulation. he gave you one final trust before kissing you to keep you quiet, moaning into your mouth as his hot ropes flowed into your walls.

the two of you stayed like that for awhile, giving each other light kisses as you panted in each others mouths. “lemme get the water ready mama. we needa take a bath.”

[artists-ally]

{She Gets The Flowers, Right?} Reader x Lucien Vanssera {Pt.2}

Welp. Here we are. Didn't know this was gonna happen. I had ZERO INTENTIONS of writing a part two but I basically got cyber bullied into making another so here ya go fuckers. Someone literally threatened to stop taking their meds so to whoever that was I hope you get to keep your kidney! Enjoy! This part is inspired by this song.

Word Count: 6,111

Warnings: ANGST (yall thought you’re gonna get a happy ending? HAHAHAH) Some pretty negative self talk.

Tagging: @bubybubsters @cyrygher @thelov3lybookworm @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @anuttellaa @lookingforamissingpage @thehighlordishere @crazylokonugget

Summary: In the days and weeks that follow your downfall with Lucien, he has no fucking clue how to go about life without you. He can’t cope. And he desperately wants to fix everything with you.

~~~~~~~

LUCIEN’S POV

I have made the biggest mistake of my entire life. I thought that would be reserved for not being able to protect Jesminda. No. This… this is… I don’t even know.

I’m just standing on the sidewalk, staring at our- her home. At the rustic, auburn door we painted. At its brass knob, at the rusty, creaking hinges that would ring through the house when someone came in. At the little potted plant in the corner, the vines spilling out of it. 

I’ll never be back here again. 

I’ll never get to hear her laugh.

I’ll never get to taste her new recipes.

I will never be able to take all that I said back. That is the most haunting feeling of it all.

I’m an awful person. After all she’s done for me. After saving my life– on more than one occasion– I went and did nothing in return. I gave her nothing for her endless kindness. All I was capable of doing was destroying the one person in my life who has given me everything I’ve ever wanted. 

Unconditionally. She always loved me unconditionally. How could I have been so blind and naive to it? How did I never see it? 

Gods every single time she made me something to eat, a recipe to try… she was basically shoving the bond in my face, hoping I would see it. And I never ever considered it. I was so lost in Elain. Lost in the fact that I finally had feelings for someone after Jesminda… Not once did I think it could be Yn. 

I don’t deserve her. I never did. I was a bitter, rotten shell of a man when she met me. She dragged me by the arms to her house to fix me. She thought I was worthy of being saved when my own father thought the opposite. Yn put me back together. She made me who I am. And this is the thanks I give her?

Elain has said all of ten sentences to me in the past year. I haven’t been able to do anything but replay every single one of them in my head. A thousand times– a hundred thousand times. I wish I couldn’t. It’s exhausting. Constantly thinking of her. But I don’t have a choice. 

I like the feeling of being able to feel again. But at the cost of Yn? At the complete sacrifice of all I’ve known for the past century? My rock? My best friend? Nothing is worth more. 

But it is far too late to do anything about it. I’ve lost her.

I want her back. 

Yn did things to me that no one else could. She just seemed to know when things were wrong. She always knows what to say, when to say it, and how. She never tells you what you want to hear, it’s always what you need. She is the most well rounded person I’ve ever met. She’s never afraid to feel her emotions. 

I envy that skill.

I’ve always hid my feelings deep down. It took years to decipher them again. But it was Yn who made me do it. She always fought for me, fought me for me. Yn never let me do it alone. Refused to, actually. Was there every step of the way and never told me I was taking too long or wasting her time. 

I get it now.

And there is nothing I can do. I have nowhere to go. Tears scald my eyes as I trudge down the little path that we beat into the grass. Day in and day out. 

I remember when we picked this place. We had only been in Velaris for a week or two when we stumbled across it. It was run down and needed a new roof. As a thank you for keeping Feyre safe on our journey across the Courts, Rhysand gifted it to us. Complete with a new roof, new furniture, a new kitchen for Yn to cook in. And he let us be. Well, let her be. I still had my debts to pay off. 

And then I met Elain and… fuck. Everything went to shit after that. 

There is no way of processing all of these emotions at once. These very real feelings I still have for Elain. And these all-of-a-sudden very fucking real feelings I now have for Yn. It’s how I imagine imploding feels like. My body wants to cave into itself and never fold back out. 

I pray to the Cauldron that I do self destruct. This feeling, a mixture between irrational rage and betrayal… I don’t wish it upon another living soul. And Gods know I’d sell mine to change everything I’ve just done. 

I don’t even know how I ended up at the Town House. All of a sudden I was just standing in front of it. I normally resent coming here, but for some reason I was relieved to see the bricks and busted up cobblestone sidewalk. Maybe no one would be here; Rhys was more often than not at the River House with Feyre and Nyx, indulging in the life of parenthood. Nesta and Cassian were probably somewhere in the House of Wind with Elain, Mor at Rita’s, Amren with Varian, and who the hell knows where Azriel is.

I can’t wait to be alone to scream. 

Fuck, the door is locked. Of course the door is locked, no one’s here. It takes every bit of control in my shiver-ridden body to not rip the door off its hinges. And it takes even more control to not collapse against the door and break down for the whole street to see. 

The lock clicks and the door opens. 

I force myself to appear relaxed. I wipe my tears and brush away my loose strands of hair. No use. My face is probably as red as the burning self hatred inside my twisted heart. 

“What are you doing here Lucien?” The High Lord asks. 

I gulp. Of all the people, it had to be him? At least it’s not Azriel, I think. I might hate him more than I hate myself. For actually getting Elain’s attention. Yn was right, I am selfish. “Sorry, didn’t realize you were in.”

“Did you leave something?” I don’t move, and I stay deathly still. Rhys looks me head to toe, and I know he can scent me from a mile away. “Lucien, what the fuck did you do?”

“Stay the fuck out of my head,” I snarled, pointing a finger at his chest. 

“I don’t need to read your thoughts. Your face says it all.”  Rhys crosses his arms over his chest, “Look, we’ve all told you that Elain is hard to reach these days. She isn’t worth-”

“This… this doesn’t have anything to do with Elain.” I lied. He seemed to know it. “Can I just come in?”

Rhys just steps aside, shutting the door behind me. “I don’t really have time for-”

“I fucked up.”

“Clearly.”

“Rhysand,” I said. So full of disgust. He looked at me with a blank expression. One I have seen too many times to not know what comes next. I eased up my tone. “Is anyone else here?”

“No,” he answers, moving around me and heading into a study on the other side of the living room. 

I can’t help but think of how we all gathered in that living room a few months ago for Solstice. Exchanging gifts and drinks and smiles and stories. I vividly remember making Yn laugh so hard she tipped her head over the arm of the couch, sending her wine tumbling to the ground. The stain still on the small rug almost makes me smile, and it almost makes me burst into tears. 

“I ruined everything in my life. Yn’s gone.” I could feel the air freeze around me. “Not like, gone gone but she’s… I don’t think I’ll ever be seeing her again.”

“So this is because of Elain.”

I bit my tongue so hard I thought I’d bite it off completely. But I sighed, the tears coming with it. “Yes.” A really long pause. “She told me I’m-”

“You’re Yn’s mate?”

“Yes.”

“And you never knew because you were so focused on Elain.” “Is that supposed to be a question?”

“It was, but you just gave me your answer,” Rhys sat. “Do you want me to keep guessing or are you going to tell me what happened?”

I took the biggest breath I could, steading my words. “I missed the opening of her restaurant because I was with Elain.”

Rhysand looked at me with such revulsion that I thought he might put me through a wall. Those wicked, violet eyes could’ve boiled my bones. For a split second I wished he would. I could tell he wanted to say something, but I don’t think there were enough words in the world for how much of an awful person I was. 

“There are things in this world that we sacrifice in this world Lucien,” Rhys said.

Hesitantly, “I know.” 

“And Yn gave up the biggest of them all. She shut her mouth to let you be happy. She did what I did for Feyre until she realized what situation she was in. You are one spineless bastard for doing anything but giving your life to her.”

“I know.”

“Have you any idea what you’ve done to her? She gave you everything you could ever ask for. From the moment the two of you stepped in my Court I could tell she only had eyes for you. When you are in the room you’re the only one she looks at. How could you have not known?”

“I don’t know…” “Yes, you do.”

I plunged my nails into my palms. “For Cauldron's sake Rhysand of course I know.”

“Then why did you continue to ignore Yn?”

“Because I couldn’t ever let myself think a female like her would like such a broken, dismantled and lost soul like mine.” Rhysand stared at me. “When Yn pulled me from the border to fix me, she spent every waking moment of her life stringing my mind and body into one piece. If I let myself think for even a second that it was anything other than kindness, I would’ve gone mad.”

“Would it have been so terrible to love her?”

“I’ve always loved her. I just never thought I’d be allowed to love her the way she loves me.”

“Because of Elain?” “Because of Elain.”

Rhys blew out a breath, sitting down on the corner of his desk. “So, let me see if I have all of this correct. You wouldn’t let yourself fall for Yn because you thought you were unworthy. Instead, you sabotaged both of your happiness for Elain simply because she was your mate and you just wanted to feel something?”

“It sounds so much more fucked when you say it outloud.” I rubbed my hands over my tired, burning eyes. “And it’s not just because she’s my mate, Rhys. I genuinely like her. She’s… she has the potential to be so sweet. I’ve seen glimpses of it, heard stories from Feyre and Nesta. Why won’t she let me see?”

“You are still clueless, aren’t you?” He scoffed. “Here you are, a ruined man because you drove away your best friend, and you’re still worried about someone who doesn’t want you. Pathetic. You are a selfish son of a bitch.”

“I can’t just ignore Elain. It’s impossible to think of anything else but her and how I can help her.” “Lucien,” Rhysand stopped me from going on another tangent. “Maybe start considering that she doesn’t want you.”

“What?” My lip trembled. “N-No she… we have a bond. It’s there she just needs time. I’m her mate, she’ll want one eventually.”

“Just like Yn will want one?” His eyes were as viscous as the tone of his voice. “You are doing the same thing to Yn that Elain is doing to you. You understand how that feels. Now imagine that Elain was the one you found on the border of the Spring Court and you spent decades nursing her mind back into her body. Recreating her personality and passions. Wouldn’t you be a little fucking irate if she started showing interest in another male after all you did for her?”

I froze.

This was so much deeper than I ever thought it could be. But I could see it. Bringing Elain back to herself all for it to be thrown away by another male. Azriel filled that roll, and I was filled with raw fury at the mere thought of that happening. 

“So now you see what Yn has been dealing with. And Gods, Lucien, she has been dealing with it for a long while. What you did was wrong, unjust, and unfair. And for you to be with Elain on the day of her grand opening, where all of us just were, is… that may be unforgivable.”

“I don’t deserve to be forgiven for what I’ve just done…”

My shoulder hunch, and my chest cracks. I am a bleeding mess of tears. I can barely stand as I openly sob in front of Rhys. I’m surprised when he shoves a chair under me instead of letting me crumble to the floor in my self induced agony. And I’m even more surprised when he puts a hand on my shoulder. 

It’s Yn. It’s always been Yn. There is nothing in this world that can compare to her or her kindness or her love. What a fool I have been to not take the hand that was given me. What a selfish, self-serving waste of a man I have been to her. 

I can’t take it. I have to have her back. I have to fix this. I have to. I have to. I have to. 

I stand. “Woah, what are you doing?” Rhys tried to get me to sit down. 

“Yn- I have to fix this with Yn-”

“No,” Rhys slams me back into the chair. “You are not going to march back over there.”

“I have to,” I yelled. “I can’t let her kick me out without her knowing that I’m sorry. That I’ll do anything she wants me to to win her back. I can’t be without her, I need her.”

“She kicked you out?” I nodded. “You’re not going anywhere. She clearly doesn’t want to see you. Nothing you could say to her would suffice. Especially right now. She needs time. She needs space. If I find out that you go back to your- her house, I’ll drop you back in the Spring Court, do you understand me?”

I nod viciously. 

“Good,” Rhys let out a heavy breath. “You can have your old room back. Nothing in it but a few storage boxes. Everything is otherwise untouched.” Great. My old memories to haunt me. Just what I needed. For a very short week we stayed here. Yn’s room was right across from mine. Just another reminder of everything that’s happened between now and then. 

I slump in the seat, letting tears trickle down my nose and onto my knee. Watching them evaporate and dry, just for the material to be soaked again. “I’m so sorry Yn…”

I heard Rhys whirl around, and I could feel the tension across the room. He probably thinks I’m mad. I might as well be. 

More footsteps sounded than people in the house and Cassian walked in the room. Luckily I was facing away from him. “Don’t tell me he’s a part of our special detachment.”

I rolled my eyes. Cassian, ever the charming.

“No, he’s… well, he’ll be living here for a little while.”

“Do I wanna know?”

“It’s none of your business,” I snapped. No one spoke. I sighed for what felt like the billionth time today. “Sorry.”

“What happened?” Cassian asked, coming to stand next to me, his body reeking of sweat and dirt. All I had to do was lift my head and I think he understood enough. That or Rhys told him. “I won’t say anything cause I’ll probably just make it worse.”

“Probably,” Rhys nodded. 

“Probably.” My eyes burned, so did my skin. “I have to get all my stuff out tomorrow. She told me to.”

“Then you’ll do it tomorrow. Not tonight, tomorrow. Respect her wishes, or I will make you.”

“I heard you the first time.”

“We’ll be back,” Rhys grabbed a few things from his desk then ushered Cassian out the door. “Don’t do anything. Just stay here.”

It could’ve been twenty minutes or two hours until I finally moved upstairs. Forcing myself to not go to Yn’s room was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. All the conversations we had, all the plans we made. It’s where she first got the idea of her restaurant. She literally had a dream and made it a reality. 

I’d be lying if I said I told her how proud of her I was. I never have. Why have I never told her that? Could I really have been that caught up in Elain that… Wow. It’s funny how you only realize after the fact. 

My bed caught me as I collapsed into it, tucking my knees into my chest. I am such a loser. Pathetic. Just like Rhys said. My heart would burn up and die at this rate. It was a mystery how I hadn’t burst into flames yet. 

There are so many things I need, and Yn takes the top of the list. She had always been everything I needed. When I needed comfort, I went to Yn. When I needed solutions, I went to Yn. When I needed answers, to be heard, to be validated, to be loved… who was I supposed to go to now? Definitely not Rhys or Cassian, and certainly not Elain.

Maybe for the first time ever I wanted nothing to do with Elain. I didn’t want to see her. I couldn’t care less if I ever saw her again. Her presence in my life has done nothing but tear my other relationships apart. 

She’s the reason I’m here in this mess.

_____

At some ridiculous hour of the night– morning? Is that the sun?– I heard the door open. I shot up, then deflated down. I wasn’t in my bed. I wasn’t at home. And that wasn’t Yn walking in the door. 

Every thought and emotion rushed back into my head, creating an endless tangle of thoughts. The next more horrid and self destructive than the last. I deserve it. 

Missing the opening of her restaurant, Latibule–an ancient word for refuge or safe place–was the biggest mistake of my life. I will never be able to make that up to her. I turned her biggest accomplishment into a slimy, diseased memory. I ruined what was supposed to be the best night of her life.

I’ve let her down in a way I’ll never be able to repair. 

Even Rhys and Feyre were there last night. And I wasn’t. Nesta and Cassian. Azriel, Amren, Mor… they were all there, supporting her. And I was with Elain. She probably wanted to go, and I was there, holding her back. 

I need to get out of this room before it crushes me whole.

I could see the sun just barely peeking over the Sidra when I stepped outside, cloak wrapped tightly around my head and shoulders to keep out the early morning bite. 

There wasn’t a soul around, Velaris still blissfully asleep besides this one small corner store that sold hot tea and pastries all hours of the day. Rustling in my pocket was just enough for a peach turnover and a cherry blossom tea. 

The bell chimed above the door as I walked in, knocking my boots against the step to not track dirt in. 

“Early start to the day, Luc?” Ms. Immy smiled from behind the counter, polishing a few mugs before moving to come to the display case, packed full of delicious goods, savory and sweet. 

“Unfortunately,” I sighed. “Couldn’t really sleep.”

“Well I am glad to have you in, the usual?”

“That would be great, Ms. Immy.” 

The lovely owner of the bakery was Ms. Immy. One of the older members of the Night Court but as wise as they come. She’s the kindest, most gentle fae to roam Prythian. With her soft, sage green eyes and long, slender ears adorn with piercings, Ms. Immy was by far one of my favorites here. 

The kettles whistled behind her as she dipped a tea bag into my mug. Ms. Immy always had designated mugs for her regular customers. Mine was made of green clay, mostly green with a white oval on the front with two lines of flowers. In the center of it all was a simple fox. She once told me that I had the spirit of one of those extinct creatures in the human lands. That I was reserved, and at my core I fiercely protected those I cared about.

If only I had been able to protect Yn from myself.

Her mug had been one crafted of the moon and the stars. With all the constellations of the Gods being lifted into the air by the magic of the Cauldron. Ms. Immy had told her it was a visual representation that Yn was a great reminder of the past to the current world. That she was lost art that was to never be forgotten. 

There is nothing I want more than for the rest of the world to be loved as fiercely as she had loved me.

“Here is your tea, Lucien,” Ms. Immy set the mug on the counter, pushing up the glass case and plucking a peach turnover out. “And for you as well.”

“Thank you,” I tried to smile. I stared at the blackberry tart next to the peach turnovers. Yn’s go-to. It made my blood run cold. 

I put the coins in her hand before I could begin to cry again and scooted out the door as another person was coming in. 

The table and chairs outside were hard and covered in a light mist. It creaked as I sat, just as it always did. I should've sat anywhere else, but my body naturally drifted to this exact spot. It had a good view of the street so Yn and I could watch the people walk by. Pretending we know every bit of their personal lives and beyond. Make up extravagant stories and adventures for the most boring looking individuals in hopes they may one day get to go on them in another lifetime. 

Gods she is everywhere. She’s in the tavern across the street, in the stones on the ground that we used to kick on our walks. She’s in the sunrise, the same color of her heated cheeks filling the sky. There is no escaping what used to be my whole world. 

Silently, I let a few tears roll down my cheeks. I ought to be ashamed of showing so much emotion in public, but for some reason I can’t find the will to care. 

The door chimes and footsteps go back down the street. The door chimes again. 

“My fox boy,” Ms. Immy says so softly I almost don’t hear it over the roar in my ears. “What troubles you so badly you can’t sleep?”

I bite my lip to keep from making any embarrassing noises. “I don’t know how to fix something that I’ve done.”

“You missed the opening of Yn’s restaurant.” She says. 

I nod. “How did you know?”

“Because I did not see you there, fox boy.”

“She kicked me out, Ms. Immy. I deserved it, every bit of what she said was true.”

“I think that is true, Lucien,” Ms. Immy came and sat in Yn’s spot, folding her hands in her lap, letting out a breath of air as she extended her old, feeble legs. “Nobody is happy with what you’ve done but-”

“I didn’t mean to blow her off Ms. Immy I just-”

“But,” she cuts me off with a pointed look. “I think you are a very lost soul. For the first time in your life you are truly free. No High Lord to obey, no throne to fight for, no war to fight in. Just a High Lord to serve and to respect. You have everything you could ask for, and yet you have no idea what to do with it.”

She’s right. She’s always right. “I want to fix it. I have to.”

“I am afraid that may not be what the spirit of the Gods wants.” Why is it that I get called fox boy and Yn get’s called something as majestic as ‘spirit of the Gods’? “If those are her wishes, you are going to respect them. Eternally.”

“I will go mad. If I don’t have her by my side for the rest of my life I will go mad.” “So you share a bond with her as well?” She asks. 

“I don’t know. All I do is that I haven’t stopped crying and shaking at every reminder of her. No matter how small. Life without her in it is meaningless to me. Afterall, she is the one who gave it back to me.”

“And a good job she did, fox boy,” Ms. Immy smiled softly. “You are a good male who has been blinded by instincts. While it is not your fault, it has become your problem. And by the looks of you, it seems like it has become quite the ordeal.”

My shoulders dropped as I put my head in my palms. I breathed. “I don’t know how to function without her. She has been there, every day of my life, for nearly seventy years, Ms. Immy. We did everything together. Our mornings were spent as one, our evenings, all the restaurant planning and-and brunches here with you-”

“Breathe, Lucien-”

“How am I supposed to just pack up my things today and move on? H-How am I supposed to just carry on as if she never existed in my life? The thought of not being able to see her every day makes me want to peel the skin off my flesh.”

Ms. Immy looked at me, the hard lines in her face becoming more defined. “Listen to me very carefully, fox boy. What’s done is done. You cannot go back in time and take back what you said. The worst of it is over. Now comes the long process of trying to piece your life together. Whether Yn will be able to help you will depend on what you decide to do in the next several days. If you follow her wishes of moving out and staying clear, there could be a chance in the future. But, if you neglect her wishes, as you had neglected her to lead you to this moment, then there is no hope.”

If you neglect her wishes, as you had neglected her to lead you to this moment, then there is no hope… Words have never stunned me quite as forcefully as Ms. Immy’s had. The true gravity of the situation has set in, if it hadn’t already. One wrong move and she’s gone. For good.

“There is a reason why you are my little fox, Lucien,” Ms. Immy stood, taking my cold mug that I hadn’t touched. “They were intelligent, cunning creatures, just as you are. Do not let your instincts guide you to a decision. Let your heart and the facts do it for you.”

“The facts? What facts?” “The fact that you have screwed up. The fact that Yn has made a decision for you since you were incapable of doing it yourself. It is truth, and it hurts, but it has to for change to come.” And then she went inside. 

I sat with those final words for far longer than I anticipated. It was long enough for people to begin leaving their homes, the streets beginning to fill with people. 

Yn would be out of the house by now, opening for the restaurant’s breakfast hours. I could go now. Or I could stay here and try to blend into the hundreds of faces passing in and out. But I need to move. Yn might come in for her apple cider and blackberry tart. If I saw her right now I’d surely do something stupid. 

As I walked, the clouds blocked out the sun and it began to drizzle. The drizzle turned into a steady rain, then a downpour. I was soaked through my cloak and boots, water seeping in and out with every step. My hair stuck to the back of my neck. 

I kept my head down as I walked, afraid of being recognized. If Ms. Immy had been there to not see me at Latibule, who else? 

The cobblestone ended and mud replaced it. I knew where I was.

The old, beaten path dared me to go up to the house. It beckoned me. From here, at the bottom of the hill, I could see several boxes stacked up outside the door, the disposable brown material soaked through with the rain. She was serious…

Some part of me– the extremely selfish part– has been secretly hoping that she’ll tell me she made a mistake and that she wants me back. But I think those boxes are a not-so-gentle-shove in the opposite direction. 

The key in my pocket might as well have been the key to another universe, because when I opened the door it was like I entered a whole new world. One without me in it. All the pictures of us, all the paintings Feyre had done for us, were off the walls. All the plants and trinkets and decorations I gifter here were piled in the corner for me to collect.

How could so much damage have been done in just a few hours? 

One by one, I packed away the things into the soggy boxes. I moved from room to room. Silently. Hoping this was all a dream only to be launched back into reality with every memory that surfaced. Every possession I had given her in the last seventy years was piled here for me to take. 

She wanted no trace of me here. And I didn’t blame her. I don’t want any trace of me either. 

I must’ve stayed there for hours– crying, packing, reliving moments I had long forgotten only to cry again– because it was close to sunset now. Every trace of me was packed up; all those pictures, all those trinkets, all my clothes and bathing goods… everything I owned fit into these boxes. Everything except for the one person I didn’t want to do life without. 

But Rhys and Ms. Immy are right. If I try to do something now, to get her back, I’ll ruin any real chance. That is something I can’t afford. 

To an immortal, a few months or years equivalates to just a few minutes of human life. But if it takes years for Yn to accept me back in her life…

Besides the clothes and membranes from the Autumn and Spring Courts, I discard everything. I will tear myself to bits if I don’t get rid of them. Will I regret it down the road, probably, but I can’t have them. 

The two boxes and bag of clothes I carry from her house to the Town House are water logged and falling apart. It’s a miracle they didn’t unravel completely. Just add more humiliation to a High Lords son dragging boxes and bags through the street. I deserve all the stare’s and hushed questions. 

Nothing could’ve prepared me for the sights of Rhys and Cassian helping me carry them up the stairs. 

“I don’t know how you’re feeling but-”

“Don’t,” I pleaded. “Just… just don’t. I don’t want your pity, Cassian.”

“I am probably the last person besides Azriel who would pity you, Lucien. And I had no intentions to belittle you for what you did. I was going to offer you a spot in my training ring if you ever needed an escape.”

His kindness shocked me. I can’t say I know the Illyrian well, but this gesture spoke a lot to his character. So I sighed, of course I thought he was going to be hostile to me. Everyone should. “Oh.”

“Training starts at eight and goes to one. Come well fed and in something warm. The top of the House is colder.”

Neither of us said anything else as he left me to unpack.

______

Some weeks later I had taken Cassian up on his offer. Him and Nesta were great at kicking my ass and telling me about it. This side of both of them was far different than the ones I had seen. Here, Cassian wasn’t a prick. He was an instructor, teaching me how to defend my life and my honor. Nesta was… less Nesat. She channeled this otherworldly presence and became one with her weapon.

Me on the other hand… it was far more difficult. Fighting and battle wasn’t rooted in my blood like it was for Cassian. It was much harder for me to get it but I sorta did. Sorta. 

“Just keep working on that footwork and it’ll help with the sword placement. If you’re solid by the end of the week, I’ll put a real one in your hands,” Cassian grinned, chucking me my practice weapon. 

It brought a quick smile to my face. As fast as it was there it was gone. Like most these days. 

When I got home, I rifled through my closet. Brown and green and cream colored shirts after another. Where was that Night Court Blue one I had gotten a long time ago? I could’ve sworn I plucked it from the pile on the floor- no, that was a towel. I was planning on wearing it to dinner at the River House tonight for Mor’s birthday.

Oh, Yn has it. I had given it to her to wear for a meeting with a realtor when looking at properties. She had tucked it into this black leather skirt.

I’ll swing by on my way to the party to get it. Mor always liked the color on me, and said it brought out the fire in my hair. She’ll appreciate the gesture.

After a shower and some other outfit choices, I can’t help but want that blue shirt. I’ll just go get it.

Through the falling leaves, I make my way down the street, across it, and to the meadow. There are six or seven houses with smoke billowing out of their chimneys. But there, right in the distance, is her house. She’ll be at her restaurant tonight so I know I’m safe. 

I scurry up the path, still worried about being seen for some reason. 

Has it been easy these past couple weeks? No. I haven’t been able to think of anything but her. Or dream of anything but her. It’s awful. Not her, but the fact that somehow, someway, she is still everywhere I am. In those memories in the darkest part of the night. The darkest part of my mind reserved for her and her only. 

I hadn’t dared to go visit Elain. I don’t feel the need anymore. Which is relieving and frightening at the same time. It’s like there is a gaping hole in my heart that nothing will fill. Not even training. It proves a good secondary distraction, but nothing can suppress the primary guilt I feel every waking–

What is that smell? I stopped just shy of the door, key in hand. It wants to smell like the rest of the smoke and ash wafting into the air from the nearby cabins, but it’s… more alive? What if she left the stove on? Or a candle? There are hints of woods mixed into it, but not the type of woodsy scent from pine or maple logs. 

I jam the key in as fast as I can to unlock the door. What if she left the fireplace burning or had an electrical fire or-

In the span of five seconds, three things happened. One: Yn was here. And she looked so beautiful. Her eyes are bright and full of color. Two: she was being held by someone, his hands on her cheeks. Three: boiling rage shot through when I realized who it was.

Eris.

~~~~~~~~~

Part 3

[ppeonppeonhan]

Songs That Remind Me of BL Characters & Couples

@zimmbzon kindly tagged me in their post, prompting me to share the first ten songs in my On Repeat playlist. Highly recommend checking theirs out, because mine is...rather basic. And becauuuuse it's basic, I'm gonna add another layer to this and tell you which BL character or couple perfectly matches the vibe of each song.

1 | "imperfect for you" by Ariana Grande: This one's off her new "please feel sad for me because even though I'm messy when it comes to love I still have feelings" album. I may have listened to this one "on repeat," because it's just cathartic to two-step to these lyrics: "I'm fucked up / anxious / too much / but I'll love you / like you need me to / imperfect for you." What's that? Self-awareness? Respect. I just know Ming from My Stand-In would have the audacity to sing this to body-swapped Joe.

2 | "Acid Dreams" by MAX and Felly: Could not tell you who either of these people are but this song is a snap-worthy bop that got me feeling myself every time it comes on -- probably because it opens with: "You look so good in a night gown girl / freckles on your face / lemme kiss each one." This was clearly meant for my generation, because there is not a single human under 30 in possession of a night gown. But Khem from Deep Night would 1,000% use this song to charm the pants off of someone.

3 | "Toco Toco To" by Dixson Waz: I'm Dominican. And even though I understand Spanish, I cannot for the life of me tell you what this man is saying, but I can assure you it is inappropriate. Rated NC-17 without a doubt. And for that reason, I'd pair this song with the entire cast of Playboyy -- just casually playing this in the background of one of their random, impromptu, midday sex parties.

4 | "Lie to Me" by Meghan Trainor: Obsessed. Not with her. With her music. She has so many non-butt-related songs that are worth a listen. I truly feel like she's underrated -- on par with Ed Sheeran -- and she doesn't get enough credit for it. In this track, she sings: "I don't want the truth / I want you." That sounds exactly like our lovesick boy Nick in Only Friends, thirsting after anti-monogamy Boston like he didn't know better.

5 | "Jealous" by Chris Brown, Lil Wayne, & Big Sean: While it is true that every single person on this track is problematic, including producer DJ Khaled, the swagger is immaculate. Every time it comes on, I, sincerely, close my eyes and just picture BTS's rap line to cleanse the beat. Not gonna miss out on a banger because men are the worst. Anywayyyy, the most jealous character I can think of is Way from Pit Babe, who tried to r-word his "bestie" because he chose a random nerd over him. He fits in well with these clowns.

6 | "Bounce Back" by Little Mix: The only British pop girl group I've ever intentionally streamed is Spice Girls, but the algorithm clearly thought it meant I'd like this group, and the track that hooked me was one that sampled the iconic Soul II Soul's "Back to Life." Instant replay. Someone I think lives and breathes the mantra "You can have me however you want me / however you need me" is the Sultan of Simp, Karan from Cherry Magic (Thailand). Achi could've asked for a kidney, and he would've delivered. But coming in a close second is obviously Rain from Love in the Air. Payu had to practically beat him off with a stick -- no pun intended.

7 | "Body" by Loud Luxury and Brando: It's the buildup to the chorus for me -- come to find out many listens later that it's about a guy who is begging a girl to sleep with him because he's been "waiting too long." 🙄 This one very obviously goes to Yuan from Unknown, who damn near disintegrated Qian's clothes the minute he saw even the glimmer of a green light. Talk about a slow build.

8 | "Into You" by Fabolous feat. Tamia: Back in 2003, rappers used to drop an R&B hit every now and then to remind women that they were romantics. The gaslight kings of the aughts. So in this track, this duo talks about an inexplicable-but-undeniable connection, which only makes me think of Vegas and Pete from KinnPorsche. Those two needed a PowerPoint presentation to explain to their friends and family how they went from hostage situation to star-crossed lovers. But we got nothing -- just good vibes and patricide.

9 | "i wonder..." by j-hope feat. Jung Kook: Do I miss them? Yes. Will I listen to any BTS track that's easy to Namjoon to? Yes. Now that we got that out of the way: This song is about enjoying the moment and not wasting the good times by dreading the future. And that just screams Be My Favorite to me. Kawi just kept trying to time-travel his way to a hetero fantasy, not realizing his queer happily ever after was standing right in front of him the whole time in the gorgeous form of the eternally patient Pisaeng.

10 | "MY HOUSE" by Beyoncé: Not to bring up BTS again, but 👀...j-hope would body any choreography set to this song. Without breaking a sweat. And mother would be proud. On this track, the Queen B speaks of once dreaming of the wealth, fame, and stability she has now, and making sure to only keep positive people around her, because love heals. Sailom from Dangerous Romance would certainly relate to having similar dreams and beliefs, and effortlessly exudes equally feisty bad bitch energy. I still can't get over how he disarmed his bully (and future love interest), Kanghan, by basically saying, "You clearly like me. Shut up." And saying it with tongue.

That was fun. 🤸🏿‍♂️

[roguishcat]

✨Writing Interview Tag Game✨

Thank you for the tag @astarionancuntnin! 💕

When did you start writing?

Wrote my first story when I was 16 (original fantasy stuff that was just random scenes that I kept dreaming up when I listened to my sad girl music.) Then I started reading fanfiction and decided to have a go at writing fanfic when I was about 20. Was quite active in a couple of fandoms but gave it up when I was 25. And then BG3 happened and now I'm in my early 30s and having a great time writing fanfiction again!

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I love reading all sorts, drama, horror (but not dumb 'everyone dies just because' stuff), mystery, romance.

And I will write most things, not straight up gore though.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I used to try to be 'clever' with my writing until I realised that you have to be clever for that. 😁😂 I just stick to slightly quirky, light-hearted stuff with some angst thrown in.

So no, I don't think I get compared to any writers. 🙂

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I mostly write on my laptop wherever I am at the time. At work during breaks, at home on the sofa (nestled between my dog and my cat), pretty much anywhere.

I have enough books in my apartment to sink a battleship (according to my grandmother), so I suppose the whole place has a bit of a 'library' feel. So, in a way my writing space is a library.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Dreaming up stuff before I fall asleep. I overfixate when I listen to music and replay the same scene over and over. Daydreaming helps me write dialogue and get a general out line, and THEN I will listen to the same ten songs on repeat. 😁

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Cute fluff stuff. My last relationship was toxic and ended awfully, and just want to write about romantic tooth-rotting fluff. What can I say, I love love.

What is your reason for writing?

I work two jobs and very long hours, so just want to do something for myself. And I enjoy writing. Though sometimes I hate it too! Like when words are really not wording and I have to abandon something for a while before getting back into it.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

I love all comments, although of course ones that go into detail about which parts readers liked are the best! Feedback is crucial. I realise that my writing is definitely not the best out there (I'm working on improving it!), but if readers find the story moving and enjoy the way I portray their favourite characters and tell me, it honestly makes me tear up sometimes.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I'm not sure exactly how to answer this tbh. 🙂 Approachable, respectful, friendly. I am not sure that this is exactly how I am come across, but I hope that everyone feels that they can send me a message/ask and not feel silly for it. I love chatting and doing challenges and things. If you sent me something and I did not respond, I'm either working on it or Tumbl didn't tag me properly.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Dialogue, at least this is the part that I enjoy writing. The banter between Astarion and other characters especially.

How do you feel about your own writing?

I feel dumb when I make dumb mistakes and notice them after posting. I try to spot them by reading out loud.

But I do love my stories because I love the characters. When I finished my first run of BG3 I immediately started writing. What a wonderful game to have inspired so many creatives!

I adore works by many writers, like Maugham (especially 'Theatre'), anything by Bradbury, Tolkien (of course), Maupassant etc. I cried when I read Gail Honeyman 'Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine'. But I don't think that I would ever try to write in their styles. Not for any particular reason, I just write better when I don't try to 'reach for the Moon', because then I just get upset that my writing is crap in comparison.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

Both, that's for sure. I write stuff and find it delightful and funny, and then remember that I find oddest things funny. And then I think, is this weird? Ah well, we ball!

No pressure tags 💖: @preciouslittlebhaalbae, @clazberryk,

@inkymoonbunny,

@ladyduellist, @cinnamontails-ff,

@silent-words, @anacdoce, @bellasmumblingsandmusings,

@fangbangerghoul, @mellybaggins, @lavenderfluorite14, @waterdeep-weavemoss

[that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction]

Hello again, ThatNerd....Do you mind if I ask your top 5 (or top 10) favorite moments from any media that you love (books, anime/manga, tv series, movies, games, etc)? Thanks if you want to answer. Sorry if I ask too much and if I accidentaly send this ask twice....

Hi! Absolutely no worries asking, I find these really fun so always feel free to ask anything you like :)

I’m sorry for the delayed reply, I’ve had a few things to deal with from health issues playing up that put posting lower on my priorities list after essential stuff between being out of it from pain or pain meds. Also I haven’t had any spoons left consider coherency enough to share anything online without sounding insane. Please bear with me, I’ve still got really bad brain fog so this might not make the most sense but I’ll do my best.

Anyway, my number one favourite moment is in A Song Of Achilles, it’s the “Name one hero who was happy.” scene in chapter ten. I’ve probably said something about it before on here but it’s my all time favourite book and Madeline Miller is a fantastic author. It’s such a well written scene and I have a poster of the quote on my wall with watercolour art of their helmets behind it.

Second is Merlin and Arthur in the disir episode when they’re talking outside the cave. Merlin getting to talk about magic with Arthur was amazing, and I’ve also spent hours over analysing everything from that scene, writing multiple fix-it’s (I can’t remember if I managed to post one of them or not) I could probably do all of these about BBC Merlin so I’ll just leave that there before I start rambling about Lancelot and the knights or Morgana.

Third, the Aziracrow kiss scene at the end of Good Omens season 2, David Tenant and Michael Sheen did amazingly there with the acting and it’s replayed in my mind at least once every few days until season 3. I wasn’t crying but it was a near thing.

Fourth is when Gandalf convinces Bilbo that the adventure is worth it at the start of the hobbit. Pretty much from the start to just before he leaves the shire. The hobbit and Lord of the Rings are some of my favourite books so I’ve read it quite a few times since I was a kid and it’s one of those moments that’s always got me grinning like an idiot.

Fifth is when Luz learned the light glyph and Eda and King see her being amazed by magic. I honestly just think it’s a really sweet moment. I could also do all five from this show on its own, but this will stop making sense if I start rambling so I’m gonna stop now.

[angrypedestrian]

tagged by @explosionshark!

Rules: Put your On Repeat playlist on shuffle and post the first ten songs that show up.

Because I use Apple Music and not Spotify, I am using my 2024 Replay playlist, not the Heavy Rotation one because otherwise this list would be LITERALLY just Charly Bliss, Kississippi, and The Story So Far. Also caveat that I do a very large chunk of my music listening on an iPod and do not track that listening in any way, which is very freeing. Anyways!

Heads Carolina, Tails California by Jo Dee Messina A recurring theme in this list will be songs that are on the playlist I made my partner for our five year anniversary. I think JDM may be a big ol kook now, but this is an absolute perfect song, and a better I have to get out of this town song than any whiny pop-punk band could ever hope to write.

The Thunderbird Inn by Aaron West and the Roaring Twenties I've been working on a cover of this for a compilation A Few Good Records is putting together of every Aaron West song, and I am very very delayed in finishing it. Anyways, having now listened to it a trillion times, I think it's a really overlooked song in the catalog.

Cosmic Dream by standards Another from the 5 year playlist. Just a sweet little tune from one of my new favorite bands. This is their only song with vocals so far, and it's just so goddamn CUTE. But listen to standards, they're fantastic.

Calling You Out by Charly Bliss Forever has been on constant repeat for me since it came out. I get to see them in TWO WEEKS and am gonna scream along to this BANGER.

With You Around by Yellowcard Also from the 5 year playlist. Shout out to @pivitor for inspiring me to take a deeper dive into YC's discography, since I never was super into them during their heyday.

Good Good Things by Drain I guess it's obvious at this point that I listen to my playlists A LOT while I'm making them. I gotta make sure they flow as a cohesive work! Anyways, this is a cover of the Descendents song, and it rips.

The Backseat by The Gaslight Anthem

When You Come Back Down by Nickel Creek Playlist. Just a beautiful song, and I cannot believe they were all like 20 when they recorded it. Just three of the most musically talented people on the planet.

Letterman by The Story So Far This record has been one of my sleeper hits of the year. I'm not sure what about it has caught my ear the way it has, compared to the rest of their output, but I just know a banger when I hear it.

Countdown by Beyonce One fun playlist I have is a bunch of songs I tend to like to put on repeat over and over and over and over again to get through a task I need to focus on. This song is the latest one I did that with. It fucking rips.

If doing this sounds fun to you, please consider yourself tagged.

[chimchimmarie]

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Word Count: 700ish

Summary: Seeing your ex-boyfriend again after ten months since the breakup. He looks better than he has ever been. You try to show him you’re okay, but little does he know, you’re not.

Featured Song: “How Are You?” By Dylan Brady and Rosie

AN: Hello everyone! I’ve started a new writing series featuring songs that I personally love. I like sad, angsty songs. So I’m giving you a heads up on the songs I’ll be featuring. They will most probably be the type that’ll rip your hearts out and make you remember every sad breakup you’ve ever had. I listened to “How Are You?” By Dylan Brady and Rosie while writing this one. This wasn’t heavily edited, So I’m sorry for any errors. I personally made the banner for this fic. I don’t own any of the pictures.

Time seems to stop the moment you found his eyes. You were walking in while Jimin was walking out. The little cafe you used to frequent with him suddenly was filled with a nostalgic air that hurts you but awakens something in you at the same time. The memories cripple you and you stay planted where you stand. But your eyes have never left his.

Jimin is your ex-boyfriend. It still feels so wrong to call him that. It’s like your whole being hasn’t been acclimated to the fact that you’re nothing but mere strangers now. The denial is still there—alive and kicking, like the breakup only happened yesterday.

In reality, You’ve probably meant nothing to him since that cold December day. It has been ten months. He doesn’t know it, but he still means the world to you until now.

“How are you?” His deep honeyed voice still sends a shiver through your skin, leaving goosebumps in its trails like it’s the first time.

You bit your tongue and just smile.

“I’m good.” You lie.

You could lie to him and to everyone else, but you couldn’t lie to yourself.

You were not good. You were far from being good. You were not okay. There’s this big hole in your heart. The same heart that hasn’t been beating since Jimin ended things.

You were barely living. But here you are. You’ve managed to act like you still have a life, when all you really were was a shell—hollow on the inside, devoid of anything that resembles life.

Perhaps Jimin doesn’t realize that he had taken everything with him the moment he left. Everything. Including your heart and all the love and hope that had breathed life into it.

It’s been months and months of barely struggling to survive. Months and months of drowning in your own pool of tears night after night. It feels like forever now but you still find yourself replaying the night you lost him, wondering how you could have prevented it, how you could have done more, how you could have made him change his mind.

Every night you look at the ceiling in your cold bedroom, thinking about Jimin and how he said he didn’t know how to love you anymore.

Every night you cry and wish you can change it all. Every night you whisper a silent prayer for him to come back.

Deep inside, you wish he’d known how bad it hurt to lie. To say you’re okay when you’re not. Like what you’ve been doing since he left. Every time someone you knew would ask you how you were doing, you’d say your fine. But it rips you to pieces each time.

The pain is so bad that you want so desperately to say you’re not okay. That it’s hard to breathe. That it’s hard to live. That your world has been upside down ever since he hasn’t been in it.

But here he was. He looks better than he has ever been.

He dyed his hair that honey blonde you’ve always liked. His cheeks are full and rosy. He has that sheen of happiness radiating through him. Just like the Jimin you remember. The Jimin who was yours.

It’s nowhere near the Jimin who broke your heart. The one who begged for you to let him go, to forget him, to stop loving him, like it was so easy.

This Jimin is full of life. This Jimin looks so happy now. This is the Jimin you fell in love with.

How is he not dying even just a little bit?

How is he already over things?

How is he already over you?

“It’s… been a while.” You add, looking into his eyes. Those angel eyes that had you weak in the knees then, as you are now.

“How are you?” Your voice faint, almost a whisper. But Jimin caught it.

You manage to ask back like the hole in your chest isn’t burning just looking at his perfect face.

He gifts you a smile. Soft and knowing.

And just like that, you break all over again.

[badwolfwho1]

It's halfway through the year? Got any favorite albums/books/tv shows/whatever to recommend?

So for the first time I have actually been keeping a spreadsheet with the intent of ranking all the things this year to keep track of what I've read/watched etc and not rely on my memory so in theory this should be easy but in truth I've only been updating it for movies and books so I will have to rely on my memory after all.

Albums

I do not keep track of the albums I've been listening but I have been listening to Avantasia's discography lately and it's all been hitting for me, I think the Wicked Symphony especially was my favourite of their work.

I also listened to The Moody Blues' 'Days of Future Passed' just today so I'll mention that as well, I enjoyed it. (I fully intended to come back here and write some more later but I guess I didn't, it's neat I guess)

Judging based off my liked songs on Spotify I really liked most of Deep Purple's album 'House of Blue Light' and both of Savage Garden's albums.

For a perennial I still love The Bangles' third album "Everything", my first listen I had a few standouts like "In Your Room", "Be With You", "Something to Believe In" but I currently adore pretty much every track on there.

Have I listened to much modern this year? Alas no I am cursed by most of my current listening habits coming from deciding to check out whatever is being referenced in the current episode of Jojo that I'm rewatching and since I just reached Part 5 that means at best they'll be 25 years old.

Books

I've actually kept track of my books so this should be easy, 'Catch 22'; It's a classic for a reason, it's just really really good.

The Adrian Tchaikovsky zone; I read 'City of Last Chances', its sequel 'House of Open Wounds' and the final part of the Final Architecture trilogy 'Lords of Uncreation' this year, all phenomenal (2, 3 and 4 on my books of the year list), City of Last Chances slightly pips the others (and as the opener to a series is the easiest rec). You get a huge and diverse range of points of view all over a city under imperial occupation, great worldbuilding as I always expect from him. There's even a giant centipede what more can you ask for? (I'm also reading his Alien Clay right now, that's a stand alone novel starring a scientist exiled to a work camp on another planet because of his political activism, real good so far, love all the weird alien life it has. It'll probably be joining the Tchaikovsky zone unsure where at though yet)

Oh I've just noticed Bret Hart's biography isn't on my list so I gotta say "Hitman", incredible. The life of a wrestler is wild and Bret Hart especially has had quite the life. So much I didn't know about. The best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be (but not the best on my list).

The rest of my top ten, CL Clarke's 'The Unbroken' and 'The Faithless', Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone's 'This is How You Lose the Time War', AK Larkwood's 'The Ten Thousand Eyes' and Garth Marenghi's Terrortome

Games

I feel like I've barely played any games this year. Slay the Spire is still the only Roguelike you'll ever need. I'll be replaying Slay the Princess when Pristine Cut comes out later this year so I'll throw that in here, that's an incredible horror visual novel, tons of branching paths, all voice acted to perfection. I'm in the middle of a Freedom Planet replay, so if you like classic 2D Sonic games this is a really good Soniclike

(Me from after I wrote all this) Oh yeah Hades II exists and I somehow forgot about it I have no idea how that happened. Yeah Supergiant (I always have to double check that in case I write Supermassive) always hits, every single one of their games is gold, Hades II continues that trend. It might still be Early Access but it quite comfortably surpasses release Hades I in content so I am incredibly excited to see how it grows.

Movies

Number 1 at my list is Godzilla Minus One, it's so good, I watched it last year, I watched it this year I'll probably watch it again in the Minus Colour version. I'm a Godzilla mark (I still have at least some objectivity Godzilla x Kong sitting at 12 hasn't even broken into my top 10, wait Oppenheimer isn't on here probably 13 then) and while I've definitely not even nearly seen of all Godzilla's filmography I think this is him comfortably at his best. As in all of his best films as a metaphor as well as a giant radioactive dinosaur.

I watched Rashomon the other day and it feels like a real basic thing to say but yeah Rashomon's really good, as with Catch-22 it's a classic for a reason. Not good enough to surpass a radioactive dinosaur apparently but what can?

And my number three on my list, Asteroid City, great framing device, great set design. Just a genuinely fascinating movie, had complete hold of my interest at all times.

The rest of my top ten in order The Banshees of Inisherin, Monster, Speed, The Menu, Happy Death Day, Scream, Scream 2 (Maybe Happy Death Day should be lower than the Screams actually) Oppenheimer is probably going to land somewhere in that top 10 as well.

TV

Delicious in Dungeon is good, everyone knows Delicious in Dungeon is good, everyone's watching it. World building, funny, great cast its all there, I should read the manga some time. I should definitely read more manga in general.

I've also watched The 8 Show, a Korean Drama show. Eight strangers are offered a chance to participate in a psuedo game show where they live on eight seperate floors and are paid money for the length of time the show goes on. The ones living on the lower floors earn less money and the ones on the higher ones earn more. (Shockingly it's a metaphor for capitalism). Things fairly rapidly degenerate. You'll obviously think of Squid Game watching this and its not as good as Squid Game but its still pretty good.

And obvs you know I'm still on that Buffy watch, on the cusp of finishing Series 6 of Buffy, the most frustrating so far in that it has some good ideas dragged down by a number of terrible decisions; magic becoming a metaphor for drugs, having to see those three nerds on screen frequently, that death etc etc.

Oh yeah I'm watching the Acolyte, I'm not gonna say its great but like its shockingly decent. Falls far short of Andor but aside from that its probably one of the best Star Wars shows they've made. If you like Star Wars this is one of the better shows to check out.

(Somehow I forgot I watched all of Hacks this year!?!?!?!) Great stuff, love those two. Hope they continue to be weird about each other forever.

Other

I'd love to rec a manga but I cantinue to only read two manga which are Hajime no Ippo and Jojo and they're both over 30 years old and still going and I cannot recommend something that long. Last time I mentioned Ippo was like at least six months ago I think I said it was slowly moving towards a conclusion it has moved no closer to a conclusion since then I think it's gonna be another decade. I still love it my favourite character is probably going to have his character arc finished by the end of the current arc, Mashiba's is going to become world champion, he is going to be respected rather than just feared, he's going to have friends, he is going to defeat the personification of the dirty boxing style that carried him through most of his career and he's going to stop being so overprotective over his sister. Either that or he'll get injured and have to retire from boxing forever in a karmic callback to his original sin in boxing when he broke Miyata's foot like thirtyodd years ago. Hopefully the first one.

[imaginidol]

Kyungsoo: Recording My Thoughts Out Loud

"Could we maybe try that line again?" You speak into the small microphone that projects your voice into Kyungsoo's recording booth. He scrunches his face in annoyance, though he is not annoyed at you particularly.

"Okay, ready," he signals a thumbs-up in your direction, and you replay the soundtrack from the demo's pre-chorus.

You and Kyungsoo were currently recording his lines for one of EXO's B-sides for an upcoming comeback. The only issue was that, surprisingly, Kyungsoo wasn't performing as well as he usually did.

"I started thinking of you, but not in the same way that I used to," Kyungsoo sung, pouring his everything into the lyric. He finished, let out a grunt, and motioned for you to re-record it again.

And so, you did.

Followed by another grunt,

and one last re-recording after that.

He was flustered, and you could see it. For a moment, you watched fondly in awe as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, completely focused on his own thoughts as he wrote something next to the lyric pages in front of him, quietly humming the tune of his adlibs in strive of perfection.

At this point, you weren't even sure if keeping him to record so late at night was truly a mishap or a blessing in disguise.

"I don't know," he muttered into the microphone, "if this even sounds good. This line, right here. What do you think of some improv?" He bit his lower lip, then shot his eyes up to make straight and sudden eye-contact with you, which made your heart skip a heavy beat and force you out of your daydreaming.

"Oh, uhm, okay. What did you have in mind?"

He cleared his throat. "Give me a few minutes, let me try to figure something out," he smiled once he got your approval.

Once again, you found yourself secretly admiring the sight of a deep-in-thought Kyungsoo humming different harmonizations that would better suit the line he was assigned.

"Hmmm-hmmmm," you could, through your own pair of studio headphones, quietly listen into his voice as he did so.

Shit, he sounds so fucking beautiful, you thought quietly to yourself.

"Hmm, hmm, hmm," he continued on, unaware of your admiration.

I could listen to you aaallllll day, you smiled sheepishly to yourself, putting your fingers over your mouth to hide your now obvious blushing. I need to calm down, I can't be unfocused right now!

If anyone ever finds out I'm crushing badly on this fucker, I'll probably get fired or something. Maybe. I've only been here a week. I'm not about to find out.

But who knew... Kyungsoo of EXO is so unbelievably attractive... and he doesn't even try!

His quiet but thoughtful personality, matched with an angelic voice...

Fuck, I love my new job.

"Okay," he shifted his focus back to you, "I think I got it now."

You proceeded to finish recording the rest of his lines flawlessly, and his contribution certainly gave the song more of an EXO vibe than it had before.

"Okay, I'm going to look over the adlibs for the bridge, and then the outro stuff," he smiled. "One minute, please."

"You can have all of my damn time if you want it," you muttered quietly under your breath, once again enjoying the sounds of his harmonization through your headphones.

"This line..." he examined his papers, singing up a scale to slowly make his way to the high note he needed to reach.

"Come with me 'cause I need you right... nooooooooooooww!" He closed his eyes as he gracefully reached the most beautiful vocal note you'd ever possibly heard.

"You're so fucking HOT for that," you whispered into your hand, covering the stupid smile that spread vulnerably across your face.

He tried it once more, this time probably more perfect than the last, if that was even possible.

"I need an inhaler," you giggled and whispered quietly to yourself, "because this man sounds prettier than Baekhyun. Than fucking Baekhyun!"

After about ten or so minutes, you finally ended the recording session, giving Kyungsoo a big thumbs-up as you proceeded to save the computer audio files appropriately while he gathered his things in the booth to leave.

"Well done today, Kyungsoo," you said as encouragingly but also professionally as you possibly could. You were still working, after all, and had to respect him regardless of being co-workers, a fan, a mutual, or not.

"Thank you," he smiled at you, and you offered a smile back as he motioned his way to open the door for you both to exit the recording room.

"Oh," he turned to look at you, placing one hand against the doorknob, "I have a quick question."

"Sure," you looked up at him as you finished zipping up your coat.

"Do you really think I'm better than Baek?"

Your heart dropped. No wait, your face dropped first. Matter of fact, you almost nearly collapsed at the words that slipped his mouth.

"You-- what?"

"Baekhyun," he said, a gentle smile with perfect teeth now spreading curiously over his face. "And I'm hot too, apparently."

"I'm-- WHAT!?"

He let out a comfortable laugh as you felt your face redden, your palms dampening intensely, and your heart practically racing out of your chest.

"You know," he said, motioning towards the desk of the computer and pointing toward a small switch on the left center of the audio console. "This right here mutes your mic. You mute it and unmute it when you want to talk to me in the booth. I think I forgot to show you that when I went over this console's basic things, but I figured you'd find it since you're a session recorder, after all. I guess not."

Shit, you defeatedly cover your face in total embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry, Kyungsoo! I'm really taking this job seriously and I'm not some creepy crazy fan--"

"Don't worry about it," he laughed, wrapping a gentle arm around your shoulders and bringing you into a hug.

Fuck, you thought as the scent of his elegant cologne hit your face.

"I won't tell anyone," he winked, "just as long as you promise to keep doing it. But just with me."

You smiled awkwardly, nodding at his request.

Well, now he just knows what he's doing. And he's good at it.

"Let me walk you out to your car tonight."

Offering you his sweetest smile and gentlest hand to grab, he opened the door for you and, like the gentleman he was, allowed you to walk out first.

[likeadevils]

Rank Red TV Vault?

not ranking ronan because while its a great song i don't listen to it for obvious reasons that being said it's so good

better man (one of the best songs she's ever written, it absolutely should've made it onto the original red, there's literally no reason, whoever thought it was too similar to all too well was wrong)

nothing new (also absolutely should've made it onto the original album, it ties into its themes cleaner than the lucky one, like it's an excellent showcase of how her youth was the most valued thing about her, how used taylor felt, and how she was encouraged to value attention above dignity, and it's like. yeah that simultaneously leads to and is a result of the relationships she's singing about in the rest of the album. also it leads into begin again so well listen to my playlist)

all too well ten minute version (listen its good its great it has some of the best lines of taylor's career and it's insane that a ten minute song that's almost completely sung through is this tight and this good. that being said. the five minute version is better)

i bet you think about me (BOP. SHOULD'VE MADE IT ONTO THE ORIGINAL ALBUM. also. can i just say. it lines up with the borchetta situation really well and you can hear it in her delivery)

forever winter (i love this song, "too young to know it gets better" is one of my favorite lines taylor has ever written, that being said, i can not forgive horns on a pre-shake it off song. like i understand the vaults are not going to be the exact same production but still)

run (also should've made the original album, it ties back into the other songs better than everything has changed, like the parallels between this and sad beautiful tragic make me go insane)

message in a bottle (love the vocal effects. also "i could be the reason you can't sleep at night" like thats my aquarius venus queen right there. and i can just see the face 22 year old taylor would make singing "replaying your laughter, disaster" also the little zooms on the second pre-chorus they make me giggle. also rhyming london and wondering is so big brained. and the backing vocals on the final chorus? i should listen to this song more)

the very first night (the chorus is so gloriously nonsensical. also the first verse is perfect. and the line "we broke the status quo, then we broke each other's hearts." but also. either say give this to an artist who will say i miss her or pronounce it like i miss ya)

babe (it's good!)

[solitaryandwandering]

when you get this you have to answer with 5 of your fav songs and then tag your mutuals to do the same :) (no pressure!)

Tagged by @wen-kexing-apologist and (I think?) @twig-tea, thanks babes!

I can never conjure up favorite songs in mid-air, it feels wrong every time and I listen to too much music!! So I'll do this knowing I'll inevitably leave out songs I love. I'm putting my Spotify January 2024 playlist on shuffle (I make one every month of songs I'm vibing with) and letting that choose for me.

1 - (Intro) Let's Hope Heteros Fail, Learn, and Retire by Alice Longyu Gao

I mean, relatable. (Vid has full version and is extremely bizarre, enjoy!) My bro @internetaddict2 introduced me to this and I just love how balls-to-the-wall, unapologetically weird it is, yet it still actually has a pretty neat melody?! Wild.

2 - เป็นไรมั้ย (Would you mind?) by Daou Pittaya

Nothing about this song is earth-shattering (pretty standard, to be honest), but I do really like Daou's voice. :) It's just a really pleasant song to throw on in the background. Also was not expecting Offroad to show up in the music video out of nowhere lmfao. It's nice to see Daou unencumbered by an unfortunate wig.

3 - Deep Deep Sleep by WOODZ

Talk about a singer's voice I love! I am so tempted to throw ten more songs of his on here. Another of his songs on my playlist this month, BEHIND, is off his recent single album AMNESIA which is altogether fucking phenomenal. I LOVE how he uses his distinctive voice here, soulful and controlled and ethereal, to match the mood of the song. They use a filter to great effect. It feels like you're flying over water, through the fog, suspended by gorgeous synths, a really satisfying bass, dreamy guitar, and piano. I love this whole EP, actually, and this is the opener!!

4 - You First (Re: Remi Wolf), originally by Paramore

Another one my brother introduced me to. A cover of a song Paramore commissioned for their most recent album, Remi Wolf SLAAAAAYS IT. Every time I listen to this I feel like jumping up and down it's so good!!!!!!! She was evil for this! Amazing interpretation, no notes. Can you tell I really like rock music?

5 - Replay by Planet 1999

I just love this little song. It's so fun, so beautiful, so poppy. It's a bit shoegazy and hypnotic. Overall manages to be both nostalgic and futuristic which is exactly the vibe I love! I can play this song on a loop without getting sick of it which is a pretty major feat for me, honestly. I tend to hate repeating music, it grates on my nerves. I need variety!

Bonus!! Because I felt bad for leaving these out (and I had to stop myself from adding ten more so)

I by TAEYEON and Verbal Jint

Taeyeon's voice, man... and Verbal Jint's verse is actually pretty good, as expected from him.

Who Knows by WOODZ

I had to. My favorite off this album.

Feelin' Good (feat. Jiselle) by PARK WOO JIN

Yeah, it's not the best ever, but I really enjoy Park Woo Jin's flow here. And Jiselle's voice is a great addition!

I dunno who else has done this? So I'll just tag @waitmyturtles :) But if you see this and want to do it, let me know and tag me in your post!

[amber-lucca44]

Artists of the Month (July 2024) ⭐

1. Pearl Jam

So, since July was mostly me revisiting discographies to rank them, it kind of came down to which of my favorite (top 25) artists have more albums. And yes... Pearl Jam has many albums, and they're one of my favorite artists sooo... 😅

You'll see it whenever I post my Pearl Jam masterpost, but... So far, Pearl Jam is the only artist I've given two 10/10 😁💖💖

Ten and Vitalogy are the two 10/10s albums, and I have no doubt about their rankings, those two mean so much to me, and revisiting them wasn't just nostalgic, but also the music itself is just amazing so yeah 😭💕

As for individual tracks... "Rearviewmirror", "Comatose" and "Spin The Black Circle" were constantly in rotation lol ♥️

2. Nine Inch Nails

Same thing with NIN, heard their discography, and many albums so, alas, here they are 😁😂♥️

Of course, I gave The Downward Spiral a 10/10 because wow what an album. And, The Fragile was pretty damn close too, gave it a 9.5/10 (ngl actually considering if it should be a 10/10 too 😅💖)

And as for individual tracks, I played "Please", "Ruiner" and "Less Than" a lot 💕💕

3. Kendrick Lamar

Okay, this one is interesting... As I ranted about on my last post, I base my AOTM posts on YT Music, and uhhh yeah YT loves Kendrick it seems. 😗

Not to say I didn't listen to Kendrick at all, of course I listened to him a lot as I usually do, but YT kinda pushed it showing "Count Me Out" and "Not Like Us" on my most played all month long. Which, no, not accurate, but sure let's go with that YT lol. 😐😭

In reality, I think my most played Kendrick Lamar songs were "DNA.", "N95", "euphoria" and "King Kunta". 😅♥️

4. Bring Me The Horizon

Okay, back to discographies. 🙂😂

BMTH has an amazing discography, really hard to ever argue that. And hearing all of their albums again was, just as it was with Pearl Jam, nostalgic and awesome 😭💖💖

The highest rated albums I heard, both 9.5/10, were There Is A Hell and the newest Post Human, both just amazing all around ♥️

And individual tracks, I replayed "Top 10 staTues tHat criEd bloOd" and "Fuck" a lot 😁♥️💕

5. A Day To Remember

Another amazing band's amazing discography 💕

Highest rated albums (both 9.5/10) were For Those Who Have Heart and Homesick, both absolute classics 🥹💖💖

And the ADTR songs I had on repeat, among others, were "A Shot In The Dark", "Mr. Highway's Thinking About The End" and "You Be Tails, I'll Be Sonic". Yes I'm a sucker for metalcore ADTR 😭♥️♥️

DISRESPECT YOUR SURROUNDINGS!

*breaks everything around her*

[museaway]

Trick or treat! 🎃

hello friend & ty for stopping by! you receive this unpublished fic called distant shores that I wrote a few years ago and never had the heart to share.

for ask box trick-or-treat

--

distant shores

kawoshin (EVA), 1.4k, set after the final film but it's vague enough that I suppose it could be read as original reincarnation fiction

You see him for the first time across the train tracks, drawn in by a laugh you could swear you’ve heard before. His face is new. Young, about the same age as yours. You wait for him to laugh again in order to see if you were wrong, if the laugh actually belongs to someone else, but the train rolls between you. Through the windows, he’s smiling at a woman in the crowd. 

Carry the voice with you to work. Replay it like fragments of a song on endless loop. No other face comes to mind, no time. But it has to be from long ago. Who, though? You never knew the laughter of a parent. Mark it down to faulty memory and focus on the towering documents on the desk.

--

He’s at the station again the next morning. This time when you look at him through the window, he’s looking back.

--

It becomes habit, this looking. Without thinking, you take the same position each morning. He never seems surprised when he lifts his head to find you watching. The look on his face is relieved, as though he’s been waiting for you as well.

--

The morning he isn’t there, devastation sinks in your chest, anchoring your feet to the concrete. All day it haunts you. All day you wonder where he was, if he isn’t from here and has returned to another place, if yesterday’s looking was the last. He hasn’t laughed again since that first day, but you still can’t forget the sound. 

After work, celebrate the end of the week with colleagues at the cheap bar near the office. Even the ruckus can’t drown the memory of his laughter. You search every face for him although it’s naive to think that in a city this size, you’d both be here. Coworkers split a taxi home. You take the train, but the platform is empty.

--

Come Monday, you’re afraid to look and turn a to-go coffee in your hands. You bought it as a distraction and haven’t taken a sip. The cup is hot-to-burning even with the paper sleeve around the center. 

Pretend to lift it to your lips. Lift your head. He’s across from you, already looking. Everything around you goes hazy—the station announcements, the other passengers waiting to board. When the train rolls between you, don’t blink. Don’t board. People shove past on both sides but you don’t cross the line. The train departs. You’ve never skipped work before, but he’s smiling and nods toward the exit.

On the sidewalk outside, you touch him for the first time. A handshake. Firm. He holds it longer than most people would, but it’s not strange. His hands are larger, fingers long and evenly thick, with well-trimmed nails. He’s dressed for work—a white buttoned shirt, dark pants—but not as formal as you. Up close, his eyes are gray.

“You missed the train,” he says in a voice you’ve dreamed. 

Tongue tied, you nod.

“I’d ask you to get coffee, but…” He motions to the cup in your hand.

“I don’t really drink coffee,” you say. His smile says he knew you would.

“What do you drink?”

“Juice. Usually.”

The hand on yours lifts away and with it, he points down the street. “There’s a cafe two blocks up.”

“Don’t you have work?”

“I can take the morning. You?”

Call in sick. He watches while you do. The sun on his cheeks makes his skin seem to glow.

“I’ve never done this before,” you confess when you hang up with HR. 

“Lied to your employer?”

It’s embarrassing. Standing beside him, you feel ten years younger and just as awkward. But he offers an arm, and despite not knowing anything about him, not even a name, you take it.

--

The cafe is small, just three booths and a handful of tables tucked into a space no wider than a school bus. The seats are held together with strips of silver tape. Sit carefully so it won’t stick to your suit pants and shake open a menu. It has more choices than you would have thought for the size of the place. He orders pancakes. You ask for eggs over easy with toast and a large orange juice. Why are you here with him? Why can’t you get a stranger out of your head? Why is he watching you like it isn’t the first time, but the first time in so long it casts grief across his eyes?

Say, “Do I know you?”

His smile is warm and sad at once. “Why do you ask?”

“You seem familiar.”

He rests his face against a hand. “Is that why you watch me across the tracks?”

Flush but don’t deny it. 

Feel relief when the food comes out and provides a reason not to speak for a few minutes. Or so you’d hoped.

“What do you do?” he says as he floods his plate with syrup.

“I work in advertising. And you?”

“I’m a music teacher at an elementary school. How’s your juice?”

“Really good.”

“I thought you might like it here. Why did you buy coffee if you don’t drink it?”

“Isn’t that what people do?”

“People who like coffee.”

Bite into the toast to give yourself time to think. It’s strange he seems so at ease, but like when he offered his arm, you lack the instinct to run from him. 

“I thought you wouldn’t be there,” you say.

He settles back in the seat, floating an arm to rest along the top of the booth. “I have Fridays off. If you give me your number, I can let you know next time.”

Blink rapidly as your face floods with heat. “Why?”

He smiles, eyes closing and opening slowly, as though in slow motion. “So you won’t worry.” His eyelashes are colorless like his hair, almost white in the streaks of sunlight through the window that tinge his eyes momentarily red. Yours, for no reason, grow wet. Take out your phone and extend it over your plates. He does the same, and when his name appears on the screen, it’s the name you would have guessed. He holds out a napkin and dries your eyes as though he’s not a stranger.

“Spend the day with me,” he says. 

Take the napkin from him. Fold it beside your plate. “Can I finish breakfast first?”

His laughter, jubilant, achingly familiar, fills the diner like music.

--

He’s content to walk quietly, hands in his pockets instead of free at his sides like yours. You keep your arms straight to prevent your suit jacket from creasing. You ought to take it off, but it’s everything you can do not to look up at him every few steps, to wonder if those eyes could have met your long ago, if you could have forgotten him. He wears a silver chain around his neck. It lays flat against his skin, obscured by his collar, but when he moves its flashes catch you, turn your stomach. Fight down the irrational desire to rip it off of him, smash it under your heel. It’s just a necklace but you taste dread.

He takes you to a park like the one where you take lunch. A mother pushes a toddler on a swing that creaks with each pass. You find a bench and sit together, close enough that your fingers would brush if you flexed your hands. He rounds out his back and sighs, a smile in it. The swing creaks, creaks. Sunlight flints off of his necklace. Quickly, as the dizziness rises, you cover your mouth.

Without a word, he puts a hand on your back, firm against your spine. A breeze scatters dried leaves caught around the bench’s legs. 

“Are you alright?” he says.

Nod. Say, “Yes. I must’ve eaten too much.”

He moves his hand in a slow circle the way you imagine a parent might. “Should I take you home?” he asks. You shake your head, drawing both hands down from your face. The breeze on your lips chases some of the nausea, enough to look at him from your peripheral vision. You could swear that you’ve sat together like this before, but the memory—if it is a memory—lacks place and time. An ache throbs deep in your chest where you didn’t know it was possible to hurt.

When you’re able to walk, he takes you to a nearby shopping district. You end up in a music store. “I like to own the albums,” he says before you ask. “It takes up a lot of space I don’t have, but it isn’t the same if you can’t touch them. Do you like music?”

“I love it.”

“Show me your favorite.”

You do.

“I have these,” he says. Somehow you knew that like you knew his voice, the pain in his eyes, the warmth of his hand. “Maybe we can listen to them sometime.”

[boysplanetrecaps]

Build Up, eps 1-2: General Pre-4 Wrap

I hope you're enjoying my Build Up recaps!

This post is just my last few thoughts on the Pre-4 mission, including:

Best Sweater Award

My ranking of the performances

Some general thoughts on the show so far

Let's go!

Favorite Sweater Award

Ok, first things first: my favorite sweater. Here are the top 4 candidates:

Geonu’s see-through layering affair 

Hong Sungwon’s ombre blue frayed number

Woong’s fuzzy argyle delight

Bitsaeon’s shaggy, swaggy stripes 

I thought long and hard about this, my beloved dongsaengs. I cast the runes, I did a draw on my tarot deck, I asked the crows, but in the end it was all my heart speaking to me and saying that the winner is… 

Hong Sungwon! I just thought that I genuinely want to wear this sweater, like every day, so it wins. 

Will Sungwon please come up to accept your award? 

“Wow, I never thought I’d win Best Sweater. Honestly, I didn’t even know this award would be given out! But um, I guess I’ll thank the ajuma at the clothing shop who told me I looked nice in blue, and I’d like to thank my roommate who told me this sweater went with these pants. And um, yeah! Thanks! This one is for you, God!” -- Sungwon, probably 

My Performance Ranking

Next, I thought I’d list my personal opinion on the song performances, in rough order. Please note, my preferences are based at least partly on the song itself so this isn’t necessarily me saying I hate your favorite singer. I can’t help but prefer “If You” to most of the others because it’s easily my favorite song among the ten. The fact that “Don’t Go” is ranked so high is a testament to the singing that overcomes the song.

I’m also including the number of views on their “full version” youtube recording, out of interest. View counts marked with a star (*) were up for three weeks when I posted this, giving them a bit of a headstart on the others, which were only up for two weeks.  

I think it’s pretty interesting that my top two faves also seem to be the internet’s top two faves!

Top tier:  If You 161k views* Don’t Go 203k views*

Middle tier (in rough order):  Sum/Breath  37k views Decalcomanie 31k views Ditto 75k views  Every Moment of You  66k views*  Tomboy 75k views  Beautiful 47k views 

Low tier:  Something Like That, 35k views  Shall I love you again?, 49k views 

Final Thoughts

Overall, these were 10 great performances, and I'm really enjoying this show. It's like, MNET lite -- much fewer reactions and instant replays, much less crying, much better singing. I wish there'd been a bit more variety in the song choices, but I guess if I were a fan of k-ballads, these songs would have felt quite distinct to me.

I hope that my nit-picking critique doesn't "yuck" anyone's "yum." Vocal quality is so idiosyncratic that it's hard to objectively say that one voice is "better" than another. That's like saying that home-made lasagna is better than Chicken McNuggets. Is it? I mean, it depends on what you like, right?

Also, even though I nitpick the voices, I do think that everyone on this show is here for a reason. This isn’t like Produce48 where a decent percentage of the girls literally could not sing. At all. Even a little. Couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket. No, these guys can all sing and they all have something to recommend them, so if your favorite is my least favorite, I salute your good taste because I probably also like your favorite. I like all these guys. 

So, I'm going to keep going with these recaps. I might be a bit behind throughout because work is picking up, and my health isn't great, so please be understanding of any typos or little mistakes you might see. I just may not have time to proof-read these as well as I'd like to.

Thanks for your patience, thanks for reading, thanks for being a weirdo with me. Let's walk down that flower road to the end of the show! Kkeutkkaji!

See you in the next one!

[tumsa]

tagged by @saturnskyline to list five favourite songs! 💛 as someone who overthinks stuff like this horribly, i decided to list five current faves, as they change daily or based on vibes even more often than that.

1. 해변 (illa illa) by B.I

This is the most beautiful MV I've ever seen. I teared up just ten seconds into it, but the song is even more beautiful. The lyrics have carved a place in my heart and gonna live there forever. Oh, at the end of my sleeves is a beach, ‘cause I wiped out the water flowing on both cheeks. 😭😭😭

2. Low Low by Ten & YangYang (WayV)

This is like the opposite vibes from B.I's song, I am usually a fan of heartbreaking, dramatic, emotional songs, but the chill, fun vibes of this is exactly what I need right now. It never fails to make me smile.

3. Amnesia by Woodz

I don't think I can even explain this, but the emotions of the song get me all the time.

4. Thank U by Ateez

It's not even my favourite Ateez song, but whenever I am sad (which happens a lot, help), it cheers me up. Also, it makes me think about all the awesome people around me and be grateful to have them. I love them dearly, and I cherish all their songs, but this one has been playing a lot lately.

5. Middle with you by B.I

I don't know what happened. Somehow, I am listening to lots of cute and sappy pop songs this month sprinkled with only a bit of angst here and there. And somehow B.I is on this list twice? Your honor, I don't even go here? (I wanted to keep this list more interesting, but honestly, I do have both B.I's songs on my most replayed this month, week and day. And BTBT is there too.)

There is also an entire discography of NCT units, Seventeen and Ateez, playing on repeat. I am drowning in all this new music, and I love it.

Tagging @epikhightechnology @misspoetree @snailsweater and @haahka if you guys want to.