#I think if I had to label my sexuality it would be something like “t4t bi lesbian”

[kinkyrius]

How many kinseys are you, if you don't mind me asking?

Don't really know honestly, I'm mostly attracted to girls at the moment but I think at least some of that is coincidental. The major axis of attraction for me is not gender, but more proximity to transness. Trans people are so hot.

I think in terms of actually being in a relationship with someone, I don't think I'd mind as long as they understood Gender and I didn't have to explain myself to them.

[crow-ur-beloved]

various jrwi headcanons because the worms in my brain (potential autism) wont shut up. no real plot spoilers except for one, but its marked :]

the suckening:

shilo is like vampire immunocompromised, which added to the pile of reasons his mom used to keep him inside the castle because she didnt want him to immediately get 37 different diseases and Die. (if vampires can have allergies then id like to think they can also get sick. i dont actually know if thats possible in the vtm system but i dont care they can in my heart)

genderfuck/genderpunk afab emizel. i feel like thats the only label he'd use, if he had to have one. i dont think hed label his sexuality because he wants to be an enigma. but he Definitely likes men.

bizley said in the qna something that can Only let me think of shilo as aromantic. maybe aro And ace... i dont remember what he said exactly aughhgh i wish i did...

shilo fidgets with his hands like all the time. his mother and uncle tried to get him to stop and sit still because it wasnt very princely and whatnot but my boy needs a fidget toy. i think hed go craaaazy with an infinity cube

i feel like me saying arthur bennett is a bisexual doesnt even count as a headcanon like i think thats just a given. i feel like itd be more surprising if i said i thought he was straight. all beautiful beautiful vampire men have to be lgbtq. its the law actually

arthur never officially broke up with mary. mans just Left one day without warning. probably left a note that said "sorry. -arthur" on it. i doubt he had it in him to say goodbye to her face or his reasoning for it (he thought hed inevitably hurt her because of what he is and what he did to the people he loved in the past, because bad luck seems to follow him everywhere... oughh he makes me ill). he definitely used finding a new lead on anya somewhere else in the country as a good reason to dip. at least, as good a reason as it couldve been for him.

maybe controversial but i 100% think arthur and magnus had a one-night stand at the beginning of their relationship, before magnus met jerome, and they never talked about it again and pretend it never happened. cannot explain how real this is to me.

riptide:

ftm chip who 100% innately knew he was a dude since the moment he could think. like when the black rose pirates picked him up, he got confused when they started referring to him as a girl at first. probably never got The Talk from them, so was Very confused when he hit puberty. Reuben reluctantly helped him steal to pay for top surgery.

since tritons live at the bottom of the ocean, they would have eyes that are far more sensitive to light to allow them to see better since little light gets all the way down there. gillion was Immediately blinded by the sun when he surfaced and still gets headaches from how bright it is in the oversea, but they've gotten better the longer he's been up there. tritons are built to adapt to all kinds of conditions, so his eyes have slowly been getting a darker bluish-purple the longer he spends above the ocean; they were originally more of a light blue-grey.

in tandem with the last one, chip thinks hes either going crazy or a bad friend because he Swears gill's eyecolor is different than last week but how could that be possible, thats not just something he can do, right? why would he be able to do that???

if gillion gets knocked onto his back without warning he does that thing that sharks do where they get paralyzed for a bit when they get flipped upside down. its scary because he can see everything but cant do anything. he also definitely forgot to tell chip and jay about this fact and scared the Shit out of them the first time it happened around them.

gillion can also change his sex like some fish can. its the reason he can lay eggs. i think this makes it safe to say genderfluid/nonbinary/generally trans gillion tidestrider is highly possible and even probable in this headcanon. what im saying is t4t fish n chips.

not to headcanon all my favs as trans but i cant help it. it is the highest honor i can bestow upon them. anyways. mtf jay ferin. ava always knew and was the first person jay came out to. jay was also 100% named jayson after her father and went by jay most of her life anyway as a nickname and just decided to stick with it instead of picking anything else. may was always very openly-supportive of her. jayson was as supportive as a generally strict, overbearing, unsupportive-in-everything father can be. jay totally came out to him and the first thing he said to her was something like, "as long as it doesnt interfere with your navy training," and may promptly kicked him under the table and made him say something nice.

kiras trans too btw. she came out before jay and helped jay discover she was trans. and that she liked women.

(spoilers for 109 and beyond) chip can't entirely remember what he looks like. everytime he focuses on the illusion of hiding that hes practically just a skeleton now, it changes just a bit. freckles in the wrong places, the wrong shade of orange for his flame tattoos, too much light in his eyes, too much muscle on his arms. jay notices it but cant bring herself to say anything. she knows the illusion is meant to keep everyone from worrying, but, everytime she sees something off about it, she just remembers what he really looks like underneath, and that somehow feels worse.

blood in the bayou:

all these bitches gay as hell. kian is pan. rands got a lot of internalized homophobia. rolan probably too. its the 80s, man.

apotheosis (haven't finished it yet so idk how true these'll be lol):

agender rumi. godbless.

also rumis a theater kid. he got the lead in every musical he auditioned for because he could literally just shapeshift. theyd make up a new identity and appearance for every role and get to know everyone on the cast and then mysteriously drop off the face of the planet as that person when the production was over and nobody would know it was them.

peter has actually tried All Kinds of things. weed. yoga. multilevel marketing schemes. you name it, big chance hes done it at least once and didnt like it. he doesnt know how he ends up in the situations to try it, either.

[professional-termite]

What Star Trek headcannons do you have?

*cracks knuckles* tng headcanons infodumping time (i havent finished tng yet but i have projected very very hard onto several characters and also made everyone on this ship bisexual bc i can)

picard:

worlds grumpiest polyam gray aroace bi man

i think if he had a grape fanta he would simply Die. not in a good way. actually any soda i think i could kill this guy with a baja blast

hes absolutely not dating riker but like half the ship thinks he is. also theyve screwed like twice but platonically dw abt it

hes dating both dr crusher and q. because i say so

riker:

TRANS MAN RIKER SUPREMACY!!! RIKER IS SO TRANS BC I SAY SO ‼️‼️

hes polyam and also arospec. i think hed like the label aroallo but gray aromantic allo bisexual is more accurate

hes dating like Everyone. data, troi, dr crusher, worf, geordi. my mans is absolutely rolling in romantic/sexual partners

he takes time to take every single one of them on dates catered to them and is absurdly romantic whenever he gets the chance. think rose petals and chocolate and violins

he doesnt ENCOURAGE rumours that he and the captain are dating but he doesnt DISCOURAGE them either

geordi:

pathetic little bisexual man. puts him in the oven

hes dating riker (everyone is dating riker lmao) and in a borderline romantic qpr with data (he calls data his boyfriend but also likes to clarify its not quite Dating since data is aroace)

data and geordi have sherlock holmes rp date nights. this one isnt even a hc actually pretty sure they literally do this in canon

worf:

aroallo bi worf is real and true i would know i was the enterprise

he acts like he hates rikers stupid romantic bs whenever he takes worf on dates (usually they end up just going to a holodeck and duking it out homoerotically afterwards anyways) but then he lays awake at night thinking about riker like 😳

i think he likes drawing skulls. i have exactly 0 canon to back this up but i think he would enjoy drawing skulls

data (can you tell hes my favourite lmao):

spends literal hours researching romantic/sexual relationships so he can be a good partner to geordi and riker even tho he considers himself aroace. usually comes up with something stupidly cheesy (even worse than riker) for dates and they both absolutely adore him for it

polyam aroace bi, and also he/him agender. because i said so

data likes to bonk his head on his partners as a show of affection. its like a kiss on the cheek/forehead except youre getting BONKED by an android

one of my moots (data la forge maybe?) said something about data purring and like thats actually canon as stated before i would know i was the enterprise

also he likes to lay his head on geordis lap. because I Said So

he is included in Girls Nights. he and keiko and troi and dr crusher all get together and he listens to their gossip while they paint his nails and do his makeup

troi:

troi tops. 100%

shes in a relationship both dr crusher and riker, and also had a thing going with tasha yar before she died

i think she considers herself poly bi with a preference for men, but she usually ends up in lasting relationships with women

i feel like she and riker are more of a qpr/fwb situation rather than a romantic one. theyre besties who are also soulbound and also love each other and also fuck nasty sometimes

dr crusher:

pansexual. did you see the way she literally did not care about gender when her parasite lover became a woman?? this is a pansexual

she likes helping data get ready for dates n stuff. they hang out in her quarters and she does his hair and picks out outfits and gives him advice

wesley:

him and his gf from that one episode (robin i think her name was??) are t4t. i base this on my Divine Intuition

summons a large eagle to carry him off into the night

q:

i want to call this man every slur i know. horrid creature. kisses him on the forehead

has no connection to gender identity or sexuality. hes probably aspec but identifies only as queer bc Q

he and picard have fucked nasty at least once. theres no way they havent

[smolldust]

every oc question for mip

I’m assuming this is about the pride oc asks so here we go

1. What's your oc's gender identity? What's their relationship to their gender?

Mip is trans feminine!

2. What's your oc's orientation? (Romantic/sexual/platonic alterous ect) Do they have opinions about it?

Mip’s a lesbian. She doesn’t really have any opinions on it Mip just thinks women are pretty.

3. How did your oc discover themself? Did something cause them to question, or did they always know?

Mip didn’t always know. It’s just when she heard what Trans Feminine was she was like, “Oh, that’s how I feel!” And just went on with life now knowing its identity.

4. Is your oc's environment supportive about their identity? How does this impact them?

Yeah! They’re an alien in space. Homophobia and transphobia doesn’t really exist in any species other than humans. None of the alien characters in the story are queerphobic in any way. It doesn’t really impact Mip in any way as being queer isn’t really seen as anything different.

5. How did you figure out your oc's identity?

I just wanted to make a lesbian love story about an alien and an astronaut and thought “but what if they were t4t?”

6. How does your oc feel about labels? Theirs, or in general?

It doesn’t really have opinions on labels. She has labels and it uses them when it needs to, but she doesn’t really have an opinion on labels other than they exist.

7. Is there something that could cause your oc to question their identity? What?

No not really. Once Mip heard was trans fem was, she knew that’s what she was and continued on in life without ever questioning it again. She’s always know she’s a lesbian because it has always been attracted to women.

8. Have they had struggles with their identity, be it due to internal or external reasons?

Nope.

9. Are there cultural or lore specific aspects to their identity? If applicable, does their species affect it?

No not really that I can think of. She’s an alien so the labels she uses are different than the labels we use on earth, but the labels she uses are the alien equivalents to lesbian and trans fem for her species.

10. Does your oc celebrate Pride? How?

Pride month isn’t really a thing in space. There’s never been any queer phobia so there was never a need for a pride month. Also time is different where Mip lives compared to earth because it’s in a different solar system. But if Luna introduced her to Pride Mip would be more than happy to celebrate!

11. Is your oc open about their identity? Are they more lowkey or more blunt about it? Why or why not?

Yeah she’s pretty open. Everyone is. There isn’t a reason for any of the aliens in space to hide their identities.

12. Does/did your oc ever wish they could change the way they are? Why? If it's in the past, how did they get over the feeling? (this can be about internalized homo/transphobia)

No.

13. Would your oc be open to a poly relationship? Why or why not?

yeah. She doesn’t really care how many people she or her partner(s) are with just as long as she gets to be with the people she loves.

[Not aimed at a specific character] / [Aimed at creator]

14. Do you have ocs on the aro or ace spectrum?

Yes!! I do!! The first ones that come to mind are my oc Callisto Mars from my oc story The Secrets of the Mars Family, the main antagonist from the story Mip and Luna are from, as well as my two ocs Mai and Lu from my new oc story that I haven’t posted about yet.

15. Do any of your ocs use neopronouns? Which ones?

I can’t really think of any ocs of mine who use neos but I know I have or would have some. I know my oc Lyra Mars and Mai Pham use any pronouns (which includes neos)

16. Did you ever change an oc's identity when they were already established? Why?

Yeah. Sometimes I just decided I wanted to change it. I was basically like “but what if they were MORE queer?”

17. Do you share identity with any of your ocs? Which ones?

None of my ocs are Enderhoard but I have plenty of aroace ocs!

18. Do you prefer to give your ocs specific labels, or keep it unspecified? Why? If applicable, do you change their labels depending on circumstance?

sometimes I have specific labels in mind while other times I don’t have anything specific in mind, I just know they’re queer.

19. Do you have preferences about depicting homo/transphobia in your stories? What, and why? Does it vary by story?

I don’t really like writing queer phobia. It just sorta depends what story it is and whether that’s something any of the characters would do or if it would be a big source of conflict in the story, as well as where and when the story takes place.

20. Have your ocs helped you in self discovery? How?

not really.

21. Free ramble card wee

I love my gay ocs please ask me more questions I will happily answer them!!

[knifesxedge]

jet star for that character ask game 👀

💫 JET STAR 🌟

(thank you marz i was hoping to get to do her!!)

Sexuality Headcanon: bi-adjacent but i think she doesn’t really label herself that way. they would probably describe themself as attracted to almost anyone but i DO think they have a preference for trans people :) T4T jet forever mwah mwah 💕

Gender Headcanon: i have recently seen the light & so i would have had a different answer for you like a week and a half ago but now i absolutely believe jet is nonbinary transfemme (specifically i think she identifies as a demigirl), she/they pronouns :3!

A ship I have with said character: STARPONY!!! T4T femme4femme enby love forever. also they’re just like. THEE zones power couple. everyone in the desert has been in love with one or both of them at some point or another and the first time they go out together holding hands in public the gossip mill FREAKS the fuck out. i also think that starparty is quite cute :) and a ship i feel i don’t see often enough (present company excluded) is starpartyghoul they’re SUCH a good match for each other and i love all of them so much oml

A BROTP I have with said character: PARTY AND JET are besties like BEST BEST friends forever, jet is really the first person their own age in the desert to be nice to party and honestly i think the way they became friends at all was party (immovable object aka autistic + covering that up with being Mean, doesn’t know how to make friends AT ALL) meets jet (unstoppable force aka desertborn, knows everyone and is just REALLY friendly and outgoing and likes everyone, including this weird kid they just met who is super super shy but likes their violin and will just kind of skulk around near them not saying anything) and i like to describe it as this:

anyways. they are BEST friends jet knows they can tell party anything and they will do their absolute best to help and party steals jet’s clothes all the time because jet is partial to really soft knitted sweaters and when they’re sad or just needing comfort it’s nice to wear something that reminds them of their best friend. also jet smells like vanilla because of her body lotion so. bonus! on the other hand i also really enjoy jet and ghoul friendship i think party is really the only one in the diner not handy with tools and jet is tall so she helps ghoul fix stuff all the time especially if ghoul needs help reaching it. and jet also warmed up to ghoul REALLY fast when he first joined the crew they like to play board games together. ghoul is i think the only one in the diner who successfully has come to understand the rules of chess after jet taught him how to play so they play that a lot :) & when ghoul told her he wanted to get a tattoo for everyone she picked out a set of playing cards with the ace of spades face up so he has that now for her 🥰

A NOTP I have with said character: ummm hard to say. i honestly think jet works with anyone so like…pretty much only people too old for them like dr. d and tcm. starpony is my fave starparty is cute funstar is cute even jetkobra is cute most of the time when people aren’t being weird and rpf-y about it and/or just doing it so they can pair off the “extraneous” two when they’re shipping funpoison & i’ve read cherri x jet before and thought it was sweet so yeah.

A random headcanon: jet has these twin shooting stars tattooed on her ribcage right under the curve of her pecs!! i think she gets them before starting to take E but they really do um. frame the girls nicely. i used to hc jet as transmasc and originally those tattoos were like. i thought it would be cool if they were kind of transforming top surgery scars with tattoo trickery but i genuinely genuinely think jet would have these tattoos being transfemme too. over time she gets stuff added to them so she eventually has this whole chest/sternum/stomach piece made up of patchwork tattooing all building off of these shooting star tattoos she got done when she was sixteen. wild

General Opinion over said character: I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE HER i truly believe she’s the glue that keeps the fab four together and motivated and theyre just FUNNY and smart and brave i love you jet star

send me a character for this ask game!!

[cricketchaology]

On a scale of 1-10 how gay would you say the ninja (turtles and Legos) are, 1 being straight and 10 being the most fruity tooty rainbow colored man whoring pride girlboss who ever did gay

i’m so glad you asked. i’ll start with the legos.

gayest: cole. he literally ran away out of fear of disappointing his father. his life story is a queer allegory. 10/10

next: Zane. even when he’s dating pixal it’s gay because i fundamentally believe both zane and pixal have an inherently complicated relationship with gender as it’s a literal programming within them that they have to learn to dismantle and feel instead of obey. i do think zane and cole kiss. 8/10

jay: run of the mill bisexual. significant preference for women. controversially, i do not headcanon jay as trans under any circumstances. cole jay and zane were a polycule before kai joined the crew. it didn’t stick but it was nice while it lasted. 4/10

kai: used to take a tom hardy approach to sexuality. said to skylor “i’m a ninja of course i’ve had gay sex.” this is because he was looking to zane jay and cole as his reference as to what a ninja was. he’s bisexual. him and skylor are t4t. 6/10

nya: definitely into intricate rituals. for a long time her attraction to jay was comphet. i do think this eventually changed and she loves him for real but for a while it was a role she was trying to fill. she realized this and they broke up but she came to miss him. she’s bisexual. her and pixal have definitely explored each others bodies. 7/10

lloyd: i think lloyd has too many other problems to be gay. i think he’s some form of nonbinary but don’t believe he’d ever label his gender or his sexuality. it’s just not something he has time for. i don’t think he’d ever trust someone enough to actually date them. 3/10

pixal: definitely nya’s queer awakening. pixal has an extremely complicated relationship with womanhood (zane was made to be a son whereas pixal was made to be a servant. these are their programmed genders more so than male and female. they talk about it a lot) but still finds the concept meaningful enough to her to align with. definitely more interested in relationships than zane and has done more exploring. if you catch my drift. 9/10

if u want to know anyone else i’m very willing to follow up.

onto turtles. this might get confusing because i think it varies iteration to iteration but i’ll try to be succinct.

general order of turtles by gayness (in iterations i like):

leonardo, mikey, donatello, raphael

leonardo: in ROTTMNT he’s like a 9/10. the world would have exploded if they’d introduced usagi. like a 7/10 in the 2003 series because usagi is there but he isn’t as brave. lower scores in 2012, idw and bayverse because he’s too busy being cringe or committing incest with karai. like 4/10, 2/10, and 3/10 respectively.

mikey: at least 7/10 no matter the iteration. 9/10 in the IDW comics. he’s the artist of the group. he’s silly. what more is there to say.

donatello: okay here’s the thing. bayverse donnie is an 8/10 because she’s a woman to be. 2012 donatello is like a 6/10 because i believe he wants to kiss casey as well as april. rottmnt donatello is sexless. absolutely 0 bitches want him. still a 5/10.

raphael: his whole bit in toxic masculinity in almost every iteration. 2/10. however rottmnt raphael is a glowing gay point. 4/10. still not high but it’s an improvement.

april o’neil: most gay in rottmnt for obvious reasons. 8/10 there. unfortunately in every other iteration her purpose is to flirt with a turtle or casey jones. 1/10 everywhere else.

casey jones: engages in intricate rituals (playing hockey). however i believe he is actively homophobic in all iterations except ROTTMNT and the idw comics. 3/10

hope this helps.

[aiizaph]

1. Non-SAM Aromantic. I’m also gay, t4t, and a no-med, no-op transmasc demiboy.

2. Romance— Repulsed.

Touching— Depends on the relationship/person

Hugging— I fantasize about being hugged by a partner/person I’m sexually active with, but I usually don’t like being hugged (autism).

Kissing— I’d only do it with a partner and/or someone I’m sexually active with. Unfortunately, I’ve never had either so I can only go off of how good it feels in fantasy.

Sex— Again, something I’d only do with a partner/person I’m sexually active with. Unfortunately, I’m not very attracted to people and spent a majority of my life ID-ing as a sex repulsed asexual, so I’ve never had the opportunity to have sex. I’d REALLY REALLY REALLY like to have sex. But unfortunately, I have a very large and complicated set of circumstances and identity that prevent me from getting a sexual partner easily.

Love— Vague statement. But as a lovequeer aromantic, I love all kinds of love as long as it isn’t romantic!

Queerplatonic Relationships— Meh. They’re another relationship label anyone can use. I think the aro community is kind of building a second amatonormativity around them which I am dreading becomes the new expectation for aromantic people. I also fell to this “queerplatonormativity” for a good while and it made me pretty miserable bc of my circumstances in not being able to get a partner. Queerplatonic relationships have left a bit of a sour taste in my mouth bc of it, but I don’t 100% hate them either. I don’t think I’m going to get into a QPR, but who knows.

A Significant Other— Like, romantic? Cuz I already specified I’m romance repulsed. But if not, then nah. I’d prefer to spend my life surrounded by a bunch of people I care about. But I also totally see a future where only one person really “gets me” and my identity. Though, I don’t think I’d call us significant others. Maybe partners, but not significant others.

One Night Stands— Yeah… No… As much as I REALLY want to have sex, I don’t really trust a complete stranger with my body. Even if we have all the preliminary talks. I get the appeal, but I only personally see enjoyment in sex with people I’ve known for a bit and trust. I also don’t have my own car and all my siblings are sex repulsed asexuals so I think I’d get shit in the morning for the noise.

Porn (Video)— Never even had the balls to look this up. As much as I love looking at horny posts on here to jack off to, I don’t think porn would EVER have the right stuff to get me off. I’ve never heard of gay t4t porn before. If it does exist, I might be curious to check it out, but as it stands now, I do not watch porn.

Smut (Written)— Absolutely. I have read many. Unfortunately, since my identity is so niche, there are very few proper works out there that really appeal to me. I’ve tried writing my own, but I’m always in public when I get the motivation to write them lol so I never get to the spicy stuff.

Dates/Dating— If we’re getting into a more serious and dedicated relationship, I would not mind dating at all. I LOVE the idea of all the cute dating things you could do. Going to a coffee shop, doing a picnic, stargazing, I think it’s all so cute and I’d LOVE to have that experience. But I can also experience those things with people outside of dating, so I won’t be torn up if I never do.

3. The fact that I’m not asexual. I’ve made several posts about not being asexual, and still my sibling once assumed I was asexual. I was going to correct them, but I was busy with a chore so I couldn’t. It hurt like hell. I also made a post once that wasn’t supposed to get super popular, but it got super popular, and then a bunch of aroallos accused me of being against them. If I’d have known the allorose term back then, it would have made things WAY better, but the days that post was blowing up were some of the most terrifying days of logging into Tumblr for me.

4. Not really. My dad is the only person who brings consistent amatonormativity into my life (which I swear I’m actually going to snap at him one of these days /gen), but other than that, there’s only been one other person who asked if any of us were dating. I’ve never experienced blatant aphobia and I hope to god that doesn’t change.

5. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, being aromantic does NOT mean you’re asexual. I hate to be so loud and obnoxious about it, but I kind of have to be. I’ve blocked the asexual tag bc every time you go into the aromantic tag, there is a TON and I mean A TON of mistagged stuff in there. I hate that people automatically assume you’re asexual when you say you’re aromantic, and the posts that people make in there are NOT helping.

The Aspec Questionaire

Aspec is such a vast category and one some folks (especially allo folks) tend to treat like a monolith. So I thought it’d be good to do a little questionnaire to demonstrate.

(Skip anything you don’t want to answer.)

1. How do you identify?

2. How do you feel about the following, one word answers are fine if you want:

- - Romance

- - Touching

- - Hugging

- - Kissing

- - Sex

- - Love

- - Queer Platonic Relationships

- - A Significant Other

- - One Night Stands

- - Porn (Video)

- - Smut (Written)

- - Dates/Dating

3. What is the thing you think most people misunderstand about your identity?

4. Have you encountered aphobia in your life?

5. Anything else you’d like to add on the topic?

[astralpenguin]

@transnaturalweek day 5: t4t

1.5k, ao3 link

“Cas?”

Cas had known that Dean wasn’t asleep yet, and he’d known that Dean’s sleeplessness was coming from more than a simple bout of insomnia. Cas didn’t like to read minds, but he didn’t need to read Dean’s mind to know that Dean was thinking very hard about something. He also didn’t need to read Dean’s mind to know that Dean would speak up about whatever it was when he felt comfortable doing so.

Ever since he’d dragged Cas out of the Empty, Dean had been making a point of being more open with Cas about his thoughts and feelings. Even if it took him a while to get there sometimes, he’d still try. All that Cas had to do in return was give Dean the time he needed to do it on his own terms.

And it was looking like something was bothering Dean right now, and Dean was ready to talk about it right now.

Cas had his arms wrapped around Dean, and Dean’s back was pressed up against Cas’ chest. Dean liked falling asleep in Cas’ arms, and Cas was always more than happy to oblige. He liked having Dean asleep in his arms.

He hummed to let Dean know that he was listening.

“You know how you’re an angel.”

“I hadn’t noticed.”

Dean broke Cas’ hold on him and rolled over to face him. “Okay, smartass,” he said, a smile on his face.

“Sorry,” said Cas, smiling as well and not feeling sorry at all. His goal with that comment had been to put Dean more at ease and make him smile, and he’d succeeded. “Continue.”

“Angels don’t have genders,” said Dean. His smile from moments ago had faded and his voice was steady. “And you’re an angel. So you’re not a man, right?”

“Dean-”

“This isn’t another sexuality crisis,” Dean continued, talking over Cas. “I know I’m bi, and I’m good with you being. Well.” He gestured at Cas. “Guy shaped. I’d probably be pretty bummed if you switched vessels at this point, actually. But-”

“Dean.”

Dean stopped talking.

Cas put a hand on Dean’s waist. “Angels were not created with a sex or gender,” he said. “And while it’s true that the majority of angels were always, as you used to put it, ‘junkless’-”

Dean shook his head. “I can hear the quote marks in your voice, man.”

“-I don’t think that the same can be said for me anymore,” Cas continued. “I’ve inhabited many vessels since creation. Some male, some female, and many that weren’t human. None of those other vessels were ever truly comfortable. None of them ever felt like they were my body. This one does. It’s the body that I was in when I lost my grace, it’s the body that I’ve been resurrected in more than once, and it’s the first form that the Shadow took inside the Empty in order to communicate with me. It probably helps that I’m the only one in this body. I’m not possessing anyone anymore. But I would also be ‘bummed’ if I had to change my vessel. I don’t think that I would be comfortable inhabiting any body other than this one.”

“Okay,” said Dean. “That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a guy.”

Cas squinted. The nuance there wasn’t something he’d expected Dean to know. “You’ve been researching this.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement of fact.

“Shut up.” Dean looked away, towards the ceiling. “Just. It doesn’t though. Right?”

“You’re right,” said Cas. If Dean had been researching the topic of gender in humans, to the point where he’d grasped this particular point, then there was likely a reason for it. Cas wasn’t going to push him on what that reason was. If Dean wanted to share, then he would. In the meantime he had no problems with answering Dean’s question. “Someone’s body does not dictate their gender. My gender does not rely entirely on my body, although for me it is a factor. I don’t know if I’d consider myself to be a man today if Jimmy wasn’t one. But I do know for sure that I was created, as an angel, without a gender, and now I do have one. I’m a man.”

Dean nodded in understanding.

He was still looking at the ceiling.

“Dean?”

“If it’s not just your body that makes you a guy, then what else is there?”

Cas paused as he thought about it. “It’s difficult to describe. Mostly it’s just a sense of rightness from viewing myself as such. Describing myself as a woman feels wrong, as does saying that I lack gender entirely. I’m a man because that’s what I am, and because I never want to be anything else.”

Dean nodded again. “That makes sense.”

“Does it?” said Cas. “I wasn’t sure that it did.”

“It did. I get what you mean.” He paused, still not looking at Cas. Swallowed. And then whispered, “Sometimes I don’t want to be a guy.”

Cas waited for Dean to continue. When it became clear that he wasn’t going to without prompting, Cas said, “You don’t have to be one”

And Dean spoke.

“I know. Damn it Cas, I know. But sometimes I am a guy. A lot of the time I’m definitely a guy and the concept of being anything else doesn’t even occur to me. And then sometimes I think that I don’t want to be a guy at all. And sometimes I think I’d like to be a woman, and I was sure that this was something that everyone thought, because who wouldn’t want to be a chick sometimes? Except I mentioned it to Garth the other day, and he said he’s never wanted to be a woman, or to be anything other than a guy, and apparently most guys never want to be anything else. So I looked it up. I thought that surely Garth was wrong, ‘cause I love the guy but you’ve got to admit he’s a bit of an oddball. But no. He was right. Most guys never want to be anything else. And some of the websites I looked at said that not wanting to be the gender you were born as means you’re not that gender, and that’s even more terrifying, because if I’m not a man then what am I?”

As he said this last sentence, he finally looked back at Cas. There was more fear in his eyes than Cas had seen in a long time. Since their ordeal with the Empty.

Cas put his hand on Dean’s cheek and gently brushed his thumb over Dean’s skin. Dean relaxed some at Cas’ touch.

“You are, first and foremost, Dean Winchester, and the people who love you will love you regardless of anything else. I will love you regardless of anything else.”

Dean relaxed even more at that, like it was something he’d needed to hear.

“I cannot tell you what your gender is,” said Cas. “That’s something you need to decide for yourself. However, to me, it sounds like your gender is not always fixed in place. It changes. Would you say that sounds right?”

“I-” Dean snapped his mouth shut and shook his head.

“Let me rephrase,” said Cas. “Would you say that the gender you want to be changes from time to time?”

Dean nodded.

“Okay.” Cas leaned in and brushed his lips against Dean’s. Dean kissed him back, just as softly. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”

“But it’s not normal,” said Dean. “Most people just want to be one thing.”

“Dean,” said Cas. “You live in an underground bunker. You have saved the world on multiple occasions. You are in a romantic relationship with an angel. There are significantly more people who experience some degree of gender fluidity than there are who share many of your other life experiences.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah. Yeah I know. It’s just....” He trailed off. Shook his head. “This is scary. I thought I knew something about myself and now it turns out I was wrong, and-” He cut himself off with a yawn. “Man, I'm tired.”

“Then sleep.”

“But-”

“If you like,” said Cas, “after you’ve slept we can look into this some more. There’s no rush or pressure for you to come to any conclusions or apply any particular labels to yourself, but exploring and discussing this some more may bring you some comfort.”

“Yeah,” said Dean. “I think it might.” He paused. “We?”

“Of course,” said Cas. “Unless you’d prefer I leave you to it yourself. That wouldn’t be a problem.”

“No!” said Dean. He curled his fingers into Cas’ t-shirt and gripped it tight. “No, I want you with me for this. If that’s okay?”

“It’s more than okay,” said Cas. “I’m here for you and with you for whatever you need.”

“Thanks, Cas.” He closed his eyes and buried his head in the crook of Cas’ neck, mumbling something into Cas’ skin. If Cas weren’t an angel, he never would’ve been able to pick out any of the words. As it was, it sounded suspiciously like Dean had said ‘love you too’.

Cas smiled. It was always nice to hear Dean say it.

[recordofablerd]

Last night, I had the realization that I’m not a lesbian.

Perhaps, in my past life where I believed, devoutly, that I was a cis woman, I was, but then I think about the myriad of people I dated, the realization that Queer has always been me hits—especially since many of my past partners have transitioned and are either trans masc, trans men, or somewhere in the beautiful non-binary & genderqueer between. Maybe I’ve never been a lesbian: maybe I never will be.

It’s a jarring realization, tbh, but not a shocking one: I think I’ve known since I ended my relationship in September that a part of it was the fact that I’m not a lesbian and am, in fact, Queer and attached to people who primarily use they/them. I think I knew that I was holding fast to the term because it’s the last vestige of womanhood I never wanted, the final drop internal femininity I have ahead of probably getting top surgery and definitely getting a hysterectomy in my near future. It feels like a funeral for the back of my mind: a life buried six feet under alongside my birth name, which I forsook on 11/4/2022.

(Perhaps that’s why this is so on my mind: who I am, as I write this, is a dramatically different person than who I was.)

It feels inevitable, this realization: of course my first taste of dating someone who’s gender vibed with mine would awaken the realization that I could just… be wholly embodied in relationships. In fact, I’m almost exclusively T4T: I like dating trans and NB folks, gets thrill out of being able to share my body and my mind and identify with people like me. I feel most myself when I’m sitting across the proverbial table with someone who’s in conversation with their body and what the wide spectrum of gender and how it can be queered.

And in truth, I haven’t dated a cis person in years, haven’t even considered it. It’s not that I can’t or have a hard line about it, but… I can never really be myself when I date cis people. A gendered label—lesbian, girlfriend—always creeps in when I’m queer, partner, and a boi, never a girl. I always have to be slightly cis because I’m too complicated, too labeled, still “look like a girl” even though I’m divorced from my AFABness. And even then, I like that to be in my terms, and I like the names to be sweetly masculine: good boi, pretty boi, boifriend, sweet boi. I don’t think that’s too much of me to ask.

I have a sunset lesbian flag in my room that will, at the holidays, be repurposed as wrapping paper for a gift to my roommate, which is also coincidentally themed after the lesbian flag. I contemplated throwing it away, then donating it, then doing an online give away. Having it as wrapping paper feels more authentic though: it feels like something I’d actually do, feels true to my ethics and heart.

The hook it hangs on will be replaced with a new flag, separate from my sexuality, but just as important: an agender flag to celebrate my exploration of being entire divorced from gender. That feels like a step forward: that feels really, really good.

[mxbutchtwink]

1 through 6, 32 and 36 for the pride asks? And Happy Pride!!! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️💖

1. Gender and pronouns?

I don't think there's a name for my gender, but genderfluid is the best fit I have rn. I use any pronouns, though my relationship with he/him and she/her are complicated at times. I prefer vae/vem/vaers over all of them :)

2. Romantic orientation?

I'm Aromantic! And not interested in romantic relationships at the moment

3. Sexual orientation?

Bisexual or Pansexual, attracted to all genders, also VERY T4T lol

4. Past labels you've used?

A lot ahaha. I've identified as a man and a woman in the past, switched to nonbinary a couple times, thought I only liked men, thought I only liked women, thought I was asexual, I've made up my own labels before because none of the preexisting ones seemed to fit. Identity is hard, name literally and label I've probably considered it before. I'm a bit of a mess but it's helped me figure things out (a bit).

5. How long have you been using your current labels?

I don't know exactly, but a little less than a year I believe? I thought I was nonbinary when I started my current job and I've been there for a year now.

6. What made you realize your current label fits you?

There's still a lot about genderfluidity that I don't really understand, but when I realized that I didn't have to be feminine to be a girl or masculine to be a man that was a game changer for me. Most genderfluid people are presented as a gender conforming man one day and a gender conforming woman next and that's just not how I felt at all. Sometimes I'll have girl days and I'll wear a hoodie and jeans or a typical "butch" outfit, sometimes I'll have guy days and wear eyeliner and a crop top, sometimes I'll have days where I am gender conforming, the line between man and woman gets blurred a lot and I find there's a ton of freedom in that. Nonbinary is a very important label to me be I didn't feel like it exactly captured my experience, I feel like I fluctuate between different ways to be nonbinary a lot. Maybe there's another label that would fit me better but genderfluid is the closest I've found so far.

32. Something you wish people understood about your identity?

Honestly I wish people understood and were more accepting of neopronouns. Not just for me but for everyone, there's so much history behind them that's really beautiful and I wish I had a group of people irl who were supportive and comfortable using them. The thought that I might never actually get to use my pronouns anywhere outside of niche lgbt spaces is really depressing. It's one of those things that I try not to think about too much, and I know it'll get harder for me as I get older. There are a lot of bigger issues in the community, and I hope one day we can all safely and unapologetically be ourselves.

36. Do you align with any gay subcategories? (Butch/femme, bear/twink, etc.)

You know it's actually funny because I have both butch and twink in my username lol. I identify with aspects of both labels, with twink it's the smaller body type and being femme, and I like that butch describes masculinity that's not reserved for men, they're both really cool subcultures. Idk if I'd really consider myself a part of one of the other, as I'm not involved in the communities (and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't accept me oof). Maybe being a butch twink is a community on its own idk. If you're a butch twink let me know let's start a club baby!!

Thank you for the questions this was really fun :)