#I think i should probably make some better notes for myself tho since

[zirkkun]

Reading ULR and I'm assuming that Chara has a Lust soul type because of their bloodlust; so how come Ace didn't become a murderous fellow when given the lust serum?

Because that's not quite how the Lust SOUL works! It's not related to bloodlust at all actually, but I suppose it can evolve into that if the owner of the Lust-trait SOUL has gained enough LV, now that you bring it up 👀 but that's for another time...

Each of the SOUL traits in ULR gives the owner a specific asset to their overall person that is intended to help them in life (but might not always do so depending on the person, their situation, and their relationship with said trait). Patience, for example, makes the owner willing to put up with a lot more than the other SOULs, whether it be wasted time, annoyances, being ignored, or even so far as consistent abuse without argument. This can be both an asset if they need to be in a place where patience is a virture, but it can also be a liability if they need to act immediately lest their life be in danger. It also tends to allow the owner to negate their emotions more easily and let them calm down faster.

For Lust SOULs, they tend to find themselves more attached to folks more quickly, not necessarily in a sexual or even romantic way, but more like how Asriel explains at the end of Undertale that you seem so quickly attached to the people of the Underground despite not knowing them for very long. Their added asset is having better fertility than other SOUL types, which is why Sage (Gaster) ended up being so exited about the fallen human possessing a Lust SOUL. Additionally, Myriad (Asgore)'s SOUL is attributed to Lust, so when even he and Ash (Toriel) couldn't bare a child, the whole of the ULR Underground began to lose hope for their future. (comic part where these are both mentioned)

The Lust serum was developed in order to restore the magic of the ULR Underground, because aside from not being able to have children anymore, they also are struggling to communicate, eat, and just generally survive. I guess you could think of it being one step away from a Horrortale situation, but that wasn't entirely my thought process while making the AU since I didn't know shit about Horrortale until recently. Sage wouldn't have developed the serum, though, if he thought it would make anyone go crazy and murderous since their species is already dying. If that happened, it would be entirely unintentional results. He sincerely wants to help.

When Ace took the Lust serum sample, the dosage was too high, causing his SOUL to possess more magic than it's supposed to and dyeing it red. As a result, he's overall having similar symptoms to monsters' heat cycles in this AU, which functions similarly to human menstrual periods but shows up differently due to monsters being made of magic instead of physical material. It didn't make him bloodthirsty more than it made his body overheat, bones become hypersensitive, and constantly trying to dispell the excess magic. He can only temporarily relieve this with various, as they say in the Sims, woohoo-ing acts, but again it is merely temporary. It also made him more emotional than before, since his normal assigned SOUL trait is actually Patience, and despite his grouchy outer surface he gets attached to people at the slightest bit of affection. And I mean attached, you are gonna want to do anything you can to get this lost puppy from clinging to you all the time if he gets to that point. (Not in a yandere way, he's not super jealous and more often than not doesn't like it when he gets jealous; but he will throw everything else away.)

I feel like I might have tangented a little from your question so if I missed something feel free to send an ask again, I'm more than happy to answer 😂 but I hope this explanation makes sense!

[maymeowmoo]

New episode of Smg4?!?!?!? Well I'm inna writing mood soooooo.... Imma review/analysis and share my thoughts on the new episode >:) ["SMG4:SMG3's BOMB CAFE"] If you're bored feel free to read this overly detailed analysis of a 12:01 minute video! (Actually ~10:30ish)

Analyzing time! ^w^/

Smg3 being so happy abt his lil cafe is very cute. I did not expect Smg4 to be so goddam sassy in this episode but I like that they didn't get rid of their rivalry completely since u know, after so many years it would be odd for it to just disappear even if they have recently been bonding so much u<u

Still I couldn't help but feel a bit odd? Like idk if Four just desperately wanted Three to ask him for help w the coffee or what but DANG was he super into making Smg3's life harder. At 4:49 Smg4 basically goes screw it lets make Three more miserable and invites everyone. Like let bro learn overtime we don't need a Kirby Lunch Rush but with Smg3! Also Four's expressions? Dude is being SILLY on purpose u_u He continues his nuisance charade with 6:22 ("How can you not even have the unicorn frappucino?"). Like dang bro how abt u calm ur sass down and stop provoking Three even more? He does get a clear indication of Smg3's annoyance (8:51-8:52 Smg3 says "Shut up." to Four also stopping him from making another sassy remark) yet still continues. At 9:14 (Smg4:"So you admit you can't run a shop yet?") Four gives his snarky comment and all I can think of is how he intentionally made it harder for Three to run the dang shop. [Note: Tbh even someone who owned a shop would have a hard time with Smg4's Crew lets be fr.] Just like I said at the beginning of this paragraph I am starting to really believe Four wanted to be involved with Three somehow and the only way he knew how is by forcing conflict.

Characterization wise what surprised me is how even after two instances of Three yelling for the others to stop fighting they still continue on. Idk I just feel like they would've listened tbh. They were very... hyperactive I guess? The characters do act kinda like they should but it still felt odd to me for some reason. Eggdog as always has the best characterization tho, man do I like that silly egg thing. Anywho this wasn't the only thing that felt odd continuity wise. I would've thought Smg3 learnt to make proper coffee before he started up a cafe? Especially since he literally lived in a STARBUCKS??? Like I just think he would've idk tried making coffee before opening a cafe even if he didn't make any during his time in the Internet Graveyard. I did make up two explanations for this tho! One is that the dead memes (Specifically the funny lil knuckles) made the coffee during his time in the Internet Graveyard and the other is that he was just too anxiety/adrenaline ridden to make proper coffee. At the end of the day these things aren't huge issues for me but as I said before it did make me feel odd.

Smg4 getting called out for his sass was necessary for me to like this video so imma glad it happened and he doesn't just get away with his behavior. At 9:23 the realization of his silly shenanigans finally catch up to him and that means..... THE SMG34 PART OF THE EPISODE STARTS YEEHAW! Even though Smg4's and 3's confrontation felt just the tiny bit forced to me (probably Four's fault) it was so nice to see them being softer. I also really like how Three doesn't agree to Four's proposal without making some convoluted reasoning as to why this isn't just two pals helping each other out and is actually TOTALLY just a transactional thing. It feels really in character! Oh yeah since I need to put this somewhere at 9:47 Four is like "I want to help" and like... you made it harder and now you want to help? Better now then never tbh ^w^/

Jokes -> The joke at 2:27-2:34 made me chuckle ._. and that makes me somewhat disappointed in myself (You want it? Issa urs my friend is so real). 3:00 is also a joke I liked, it felt very relatable (I struggle with basic human stuff like buttons on a coffee machine also u_u aww man). 3:28-3:32 Decent joke! 4:12 having a Gmod Three bang the coffee machine was good but the sudden Pomni/Smg4 reaction wasn't for me :v (It is good for Au art tho, I've seen the Smg4 as Pomni art hehe ;P ). 5:55-6:05 Nice joke ^v^/ (Smg3 writing '1 jar of poison for Mario' was the cherry on top tbh). 6:29-6:35 just like the joke at three minutes the whole 'operating a coffee machine being like dark magic' is still funny to me. 7:35-7:38 7:45-7:46 the music that plays when the rainbow (acid) coffee is shown is cool. 8:34-8:49 The whole Tari going coo coo joke is honestly pretty unfunny ._. I did not like it :v. 10:44-10:45 'Cleaned up everything!' is such a funny pop up to put here. Joke APPROVED!

Joke wise I think this episode is actually quite solid. The one joke I really didn't like kinda puts it down but ignoring that issa cool ig :D (6,8/10)

Closing statement -> Dude Four on roller skates working at a cafe for Three? THIS IS JUST A FANFIC AT THIS POINT... and I am all for it ;D

[Note: I have no idea why I wrote this but I felt like it sooooo... YEAH! >:3 If you have any thoughts abt this ep I'd love to hear em ;o]

[borom1r]

1, 8, 17, 18, 20, 41, 45, 54, 93 for the non-fandom asks, 1, 3, 5-7, 12, 18-22, 24 for the fandom asks 🫡👀

THIS HAS BEEN IN MY INBOX FOR SO LONG + I ANSWERED IT IB MY NOTES AND JUST FUCKING FORGOT TO POST IT AAAAAAAAAAAAA

1. whats your favorite thing in your room?

plush boromir:3 hes so Shaped

8. favorite coping mechanism?

uuuuuuuuuuu noise cancelling headphones + loud music

17. do you want any tattoos? if so, where, what, and why?

YES. I want to get one on my upper arm — there’s an artist I really like who’s done free-to-use art + im going to get a piece of his tattooed w/ kennings for Óðinn and Þórr above + below

18. whats the most prominent dream youve had?

I still vividly remember this dream I had in high school where my alarm for school went off, I got up and went to start making myself toast and fucking. Michael Myers walks up from the basement (the garage door/basement stairs were just off the kitchen) + we stared at each other and my only thought before my Actual alarm went off was “damn, guess I better make more toast”

20. whats your ideal date?

REN FEST!!!!!!! unironically my local fest hosts weddings and I would. really really like to get married there in full armor. even if it’s just for tax benefits smjfjdjjfjdj

41. if you could announce one thing to the world what would it be?

WOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOF!!!!!!

45. do you prefer book over movie?

depends :3 ummmm a lot of times I think there are pros n cons to both mediums. sometimes I love a movie but also think the book is WAY better even if the movie is a masterpiece in its own right (a clockwork orange… cutting off the original ending to the book completely fucks the point of the story I think. I adore that movie but if you’ve never read the book…. 😑)

54. whats your best hottake?

my BEST????? idfk dude. my CURRENT hot take is that the changes the made to Faramir’s character for the movie were Good, Actually

93. whats your favorite item of clothing?

wolf hat :3 AND my leather jacket w all my patches

1. What is the first fandom you were ever a part of?

uuuuu like active online a part of… probs like. idek dude probably the fucking Warriors (1979 movie not cat books)

3. All-time favorite pairing?

I’m a spangel truther and I have been since middle school, so ig that

5. Favorite platonic pairing?

big fan of Boromir&Éowyn like obvs Boromir&Faramir + Théodred&Éomer&Éowyn bc they are Family but if we’re talking non-blood relations then I think Boromir&Éowyn is an excellent platonic pairing

6. Favorite headcanon?

I’ve almost called Boromir a faggot multiple times on instinct, so that. also transgender Faramir (what direction? you decide. they contain multitudes < I personally adore a he/they/te transmasc. I think te and Aragorn should both be allowed to use Sindarin pronouns. get funky with it)

7. Least favorite headcanon?

HRM. there are SOME utterly rancid takes from my SAW fandom days that I still think abt. evil. I shan’t speak of those times in public.

12. Craziest thing you've ever done as part of a fandom?

uh. idk?? I used to run a rlly popular ask blog for the characters of The Warriors (1979) that I believe is still out there?? lmao ok yea it is i just checked. that’s so funny that it’s still out there actually snfksjfjjs

18. All-time favorite fanfic?

that I’ve READ or that I’ve WRITTEN????

to read, literally anything Connor @angeltrapz has written but I’ll specifically drop this Princess Bride fic💗 https://archiveofourown.org/works/41272767?view_adult=true (TUMBLR WONT LET ME ACTUALLY LINK THE FIC EVIL AND HATEFUL. I can paste it + it generates a link tho. functioning fucking app)

fav that I’ve written…. highkey this one

19. Fanfic you read again and again?

other people’s fics?? this whole series: https://archiveofourown.org/series/183362

my own fics? literally any of my Faramir/Éomer fics that pairing is so fun

20. All-time favorite fanfic author?

CONNOR ANGELTRAPZ MY BESTIE!!!!!!!! also YOU duh????? ik it’s not fanfic Technically but like. BOY the rp is. creative project of all time perhaps?

21. Favorite fic trope?

i am a weak bitch for a good soulmate au. esp when there’s like. drama. im not exposing myself just know i think abt soulmate aus A Lot. < can u tell this has been sitting in my notes for A While lmfao

22. Least favorite fic trope?

idek???? I think any trope can be Done Well like I don’t normally enjoy chatfics but I’ve also read. some really good chatfics!! write what u love who cares

24. Funniest fandom-related story?

I’m gonna be so real w u I got into drama w a Lost Boys fandom mogul bc I was. A Homosexual and A Kinnie and they were NOT happy abt the fact I was like “yea all the lost boys are fucking.” I didn’t even know what to say abt that really. take it up w famously gay director Joel Schumacher if you don’t like me. A NOTORIOUS FAGGOT. going “yea I think these characters in a film directed by a gay man are gay”

this exact situation has happened to me 3 times across various fandoms. <- is just trying to sit in my little kinnie corner + be a weird fag in peace

[lyriumheart]

ok i finally have the braincells so here's some of my criticisms/pointing out of .... questionable content in bg3 that i've personally come across. it may get a bit long. apologies for if it's difficult to read, i'm just trying to lay out my thoughts here. some things are also more serious than others.

The Dark Urge this one is relatively small, as playing the dialogue for the dark urge kind of hints at it, but i do think that it needs a MUCH clearer indication that it can be dark and probably disturbing/distressing to play as. and also that it should probably not be reccomended for a first run, as it does change things quite a bit.

sexuality and romance choice i think it would just be helpful if, when a party member hits on you or shows interest, that you are able to say 'i'm not into girls/guys/anything at all'. and that this specifically shuts down their comments. i have a friend that was disappointed that he couldn't say this to lae'zel, and got further uncomfortable when she kept on saying 'you will wonder what i taste like' when he's a gay guy trying to play a gay guy. it would also be uncomfortable for someone not interested in that aspect of the game/romance and sex in general, i would imagine. also related to this, and i do understand why every single romanceable character is bisexual as this just makes things a lot easier, but i do feel that there should be characters that just are not bi, even just among npcs. there's some npcs in same gendered relationships which is good, though i think there needed to just be more characters that clearly are not bi. (though given the dragon age modding scene's track record, i also get just wanting to avoid that outright.)

trangender characters you the player character can be trans and i love this. i do wish there was a way to have the more feminine frames with a flatter chest, and vice versa, though. i mean we have genital options, but no chest options...? (also no weight or further body shape options but i digress). i also think i noted maybe, two? npcs? that were transgender? and i feel that there really needs to be more trans and nonbinary npcs, specifically prominent ones and not relegated to background characters that you blink and miss (which one of the ones i found was). bg3 has given me as a player far more options to play a trans nonbinary character than any game ive played thus far, but there needs to be more beyond just the player themself in terms of trans rep.

party member racism as a romani person myself, i found myself relating to the tiefling group quite a lot. i dont expect larian to not include fantasy racism in the game, but playing as a tiefling and having a party member, lae'zel, call you and your kind 'cockroaches' with no way to chew her out for it, and just having no proper way to direclty combat the racism of your party members in general is. very uncomfortable. astarion also has some lines like this, and while he does eventually change his attitude, i havent been able to change or confront that with lae'zel. not good for someone youre meant to adventure with and trust.

the goblins and treatment of the way that the goblins are depicted and treated (while not wholly larian's fault since they didn't make the setting- still not an excuse tho) could have been handled better. there are a few instances where you can stand up for them as being people without condoning their actions, but overall they are treated as 'dirty uncivilised tribals' and i hope i dont need to explain why that kind of depiction is bad. they're background cronies of the bbeg, explicitly revealed to having been manipulated and controlled into serving the bbeg, and any exploration of actual goblin culture is treated as a joke.

murdering goblin kids specifically is okay apparently on the topic of the goblins- i was appaled when i realised that in order to free halsin, you have to kill two goblin kids. in fact, if you choose to attack the whole goblin camp, you kill more goblin kids. nobody bats an eye at this. yet, when you do the reverse and attack the grove where there are children that you can kill/cause the death of, this is explicity treated as a bad thing. it's just disgusting that goblin children being killed is not given the same treatment, just because they're goblins.

ableist abuse is fine when the person was abusive to you first in the underdark in act 1 (and later in act 3 if you helped them), there is a dwarven? couple, baelen and derryth bonecloak. baelen has gone missing, and you can find and rescue him. he clearly has some kind of neurological disability, and has difficulty with verbal communication and his memory. his wife, derryth, berates him and treats him as stupid for his disability. you can confront her about it in act 1, and later in act 3 go snooping and find out more information about their relationship- baelen, prior to whatever caused his disability, was an abusive and evil man who beat her and gave her the facial scar she has, among other abuses. of course this abuse is horrific, but this is then used to justify derryth's own abuse of the man, since he now is reliant on her for food ect. she basically says that she can treat a disabled man however she wants because at least she cares for his needs and he abused her anyways so it's payback. i do believe that his disability does not override or excuse what he did in the past and that she has every reason to still hate him, but this still does NOT excuse this treatment of him now that he is disabled and relies on her as a caregiver. becoming disabled is not a fucking punishment and it's disgusting that larian even chose to include this kind of thing in their game at ALL. it's also worsened by the fact that i see many people commenting on how they're going to just kill him because he deserves it, and it's 'doing him a favour since he's disabled now'. this is the kind of sentiment that larian are encouraging by having this narrative in their game and as a disabled person myself, and someone who has family and friends who literally act the way baelen does with his disability, it is not fucking okay.

twin drow sex workers i hope i don't need to explain why it's fucking gross and creepy that larian have two sex workers in act 3 be twins that regularly participate in sex with the same client at the same time, and the player is also able to do so. some party members, such as karlach, comment on how them being literally brother and sister is gross, so it's not as if larian are not self aware enough to see why it's not good to fetishise incest. but they put it in there anyways! for the player to indulge in! and it's depicted as sexy! being a survivor of incest csa, i was pretty shocked and appaled by that inclusion. they could have very easily just had the two be runaway lovers. there was literally no need for them to be made twins.

sexual slavery and abuse is sexy when it's halsin if you do actually sleep with the aforementioned drow along with halsin, he will have a new dialogue where he talks about being held prisoner in the underdark 'chained to the bed, somewhere between a prisoner, a guest, and a consort'. so, he was kept as a sex slave and just slave and captive in general by drow for a while. the player can say that's horrible, but halsin brushes this off and says it wasn't so bad. because apparently he liked being kept as a sex slave? this is just brainwashing and coercive rape, larian. considering how they handled astarion's sexual abuse and slavery, it was outright shocking to learn that halsin's own abuse is handled so poorly and in fact turned into some weird bdsm fetish instead.

[sequesteredschizo]

cw // suicidal ideation & self harm 

thought too much about where I should post these words @ and where to do it if I did

Decided on here, both to challenge myself to be honest about how I'm doing and as a small private testament to myself, esp considering I can't guarantee I'll remember any of this later if I don't 

A few months ago I decided I was supposed to kill myself on April 26th 2024. I think something about doing that nullified certain anxieties of mine at times, for better and for worse. I thought the worst thing I could do that would ruin everyone I cared about was already going to happen, so I was able to loosen my grip somewhat on the people-pleasing and the social anxiety and the agoraphobia- maybe a sort of subconscious 'if something doesn't change, i will be dying. So I might as well try while I'm still around.' I've been callous and I've been unstable, but I also took risks (or, actions I that felt like risks to me) that landed me with more life-affirming results than I could have ever anticipated.

I sent texts I thought were annoying and stupid to people I wished I talked to more, I tried to eat like a well-adjusted adult person, I was honest with my dad about how hellish my disability was making my life for the first time. Etc etc. Anything to connect, anything to survive. I didn't care anymore. it felt like the end of the world. To everyone else it probably seemed like I was finally re-entering society, if anyone thought much of it at all (unlikely, imo.) At one point, I hurt myself worse than I ever had before, and without really meaning to, haven't done it since. It feels now like a microcosm of the bigger picture, just by coincidence. Doing better wasn't necessarily my intention, but it was a consequence of thinking I was fucking it all up one last time. Might as well throw all the chips in.

Last weekend I attended a wedding out-of-state for a relative I hadn't seen in years knowing id meet countless new faces and I didn't even freak out. And I was terrified, and I didn't want to go there and I didn't want to stay here but I did it anyways. Turns out I don't think I've ever felt so loved and welcomed and appreciated in my life. The people I reached out to on a whim, because what was the worst that could happen? Some of them actually respond back, fucking shocker. My dad is trying to stop pretending I don't exist. I'm a little less malnourished. So those are all good developments.

I feel like I reached up into an empty sky with the very last dregs of energy I had and by some miracle, just enough of the universe reached back. I don't and didnt want to scar and endanger my struggling loved ones because I couldn't be strong enough to deal with myself. It had to be my last option, after truly trying everything I could. I didn't even do much, and I didn't expect it to work. I didn't expect my favorite band to be dropping new shit on my due date. I didn't know that I would really honestly from the bottom of my heart not want to leave this fucked up horrible beautiful tragic world behind. 

I know there's always going to be a part of me that expects me to commit. it's always been easier for me to hurt myself than help myself. I've written a lot of suicide notes throughout my life. This is the first time I've ever done the opposite, I guess? This is supposed to be my promise to me that I want to live. I need to. Its really hard to admit that to myself. I'm pretty sure I can do it tho.

I think (and almost hope) that the handful of you who follow this stupid little blog wont read this, but I posted it here because theres too many people everywhere else. It's directed at myself anyway.

a distant yell into a cacophonous void, in hopes that typing it will act as a metaphysical vehicle for manifesting it in the collective subconscious:

TRANS PEOPLE DONT KILL YOURSELF!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[skadream]

happy ummm 8th month on t? (9th if i were actually on t continuously but i ran out for a month that one time) i used to do monthly t updates on tiktok but i dont rlly feel like doing that rn so i'll yap about it here (its actually wild how little stuff i have about my transition on my tumblr generally speaking? as if this isnt the website that transed my gender in the first place)

it really is hard to notice such gradual changes from month to month, especially if its just me lookin at myself, compared to seeing a doctor in person which, i am getting rx'd T thru telehealth currently as my nearest planned parenthood or even a neighboring one does not actually do gender affirming care which is. insane and whack. esp when i do live in a pretty populated county maybe second or third to nyc and albany area. and i have to call in to a pp THREE HOURS BY TRANSIT from me. but like, its been working for now ok!

mentally and emotionally ive been very up and down overall but i think thats largely due to my medication changes rather than hormones. ALTHOUGH. when i ran out for a month in november and my period came back... dude it was so horrible like genuinely the worst period of my life. its one of those things where i didnt realize just how dysphoric something could make me feel until i had a taste of being able to alleviate said dysphoria. so mentally speaking testosterone is probably pulling the mental train even more than the wellbutrin lol. and im trying not to account too much for circumstance/environment cuz like OBVIOUSLY if things were going smoothly for me there a lot of my emotional issues would be at least somewhat relieved, but im working with what i got.

physically, since starting t in july i have lost weight. at first i was very scared it was my medication, and i think a part of it was at least a little, like two of my meds can cause some weight loss, but i am no longer losing weight in a concerning way but just yknow the regular amount of daily fluctuation. so i do think a lot of my weight loss was due to hormones just shifting around my fat and all that, or something idk lol. everyones so diff with hormones, i know some trans guys gain weight on t and not necessarily from muscle training, i know girls on e who have lost weight without any changes to diet or exercise, it really depends so as always, this is just my experience etc etc

i do have more facial hair but its still quite patchy, i think i might start filling in my stache tho. with my shitty goatee, its not my fav so i shave it off when im not just sitting inside all day, but also idk it makes my chin feel less. round. or smth. i do always think of my one friend telling me ill look like the lead singer of a nü metal band and honestly maybe i should start giving that energy more anyway! embrace goatee lifestyle!

oh yeah my voice dropped in like the first two months and has gotten deeper since, and on timtom i talked a lot about wanting to maintain the vocal range i had pre-t? i dont think thats fully possible like i think the highest notes i used to reach are just inaccessible to me, but i think if i did some like vocal singing warmups i can get back up to reach those higher notes. in retrospect the way ive sung my whole life has actually prob been destructive on my voice, partly from lack of proper training and partly intentionally trying to sound deeper and more gravelly, but now that i can access deeper sounds more naturally i really do wanna work on singing in a better way where i can reach some of those notes.

overall yea im liking whats happening so far, i do wish it was happening faster but i understand that some people dont get the progress ive gotten for like, YEARS, and new progressions will be happening to me for years after today. if you think about "real" puberty, it is a gradual shift its not like you suddenly grow a chest as soon as you Bleed or whatever its different for literally every person and since im the only one in my family that i know of who has done this, im kind of a guinea pig. but like im okay with that! anyway yeah really recommrnd testosterone if u want it i like it :)

[blank-and-ocs]

𝖗𝖚𝖑𝖊𝖘 & 𝖎𝖓𝖋𝖔 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖘𝖊 𝖜𝖍𝖔 𝖜𝖎𝖘𝖍 𝖙𝖔 𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙 𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖍 𝖒𝖊✍ R.C: you mean us? . *those who wish to interact with us 1: no NSFW stuff here please 2: feel free to interact with oc's however you want in whatever tone you want however each one of them have certain ways to react to certain things 3: most of my oc's aren't from random fandoms however some of them are 4: please don't be a creep when interacting 5:feel free to ask just about anything in the ask box however if you're an anon who wants to ask things frequently please name your anon so i can remember so i can call you something (eg.bunny anon, flower anon) 6: on another note, i'm not okay with any racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia or any of these sorts of things and should you support these and interact with me, i will block you 7: i genuinely have no idea what i'm doing so please bare with me for a while and don't make rude comments

Quick little intro here, i'l be going by the name of Blank, and i am the creator of these ocs aswell as this account and while you can rp with me as you would with my ocs i don't really rp as myself so keep in mind that i won't be popping up as much. i'll just be ramshackle's weird 'vice house warden' who can never be found when needed As you could probably tell by rule 3 i'm in multiple fandoms some of those being Genshin, Twisted Wonderland, Demon Slayer, Apothecary Diaries, HxH and few others, however i've only put ocs in a few fandoms (eg. Twisted Wonderland and Demon Slayer) a list of ocs so far has already been added so feel free to read through that and ask the questions you want feel free to dm me or tag me, i don't bite R.C: we might tho Dest: what she said Ryuco: no biting R.C: awww :( oc's will text similarly as shown above, with their names labled and with a specific colour that matches the fandom (blue: don't belong to a fandom. green: Twisted Wonderland. orange: HxH, Purple: canon characters) (also when i say dragonborn i don't mean them actual canonical dragonborn. in this au, it's similar to dragon fae however dragonborn have more draconic features in their 'human' form and they prefer to be in their dragon form. they also have better control over certain elements and magic according to their species as well as slightly more draconic behaviors and instincts)

𝑶𝒄𝒔 𝒔𝒐 𝒇𝒂𝒓:

𝚁.𝙲 Name: ℝ𝕒𝕚 ℂ𝕙𝕚𝕙𝕚𝕣𝕠 R.C Nicknames: trash panda, racoon Gender: female Species: racoon beastwoman Grade/Class: first year, B-07 Birthday: June 6 Age: 17 Height: 171 cm Dominant hand: right Homeland: ҉A҉҉z҉҉u҉҉r҉҉e҉ ҉E҉҉m҉҉p҉҉i҉҉r҉҉e҉ not of this world Club: mountain lovers club Best Subject: animal languages Hobbies: collecting shiny things, watching and caring for racoons Pet Peeves: boredom/being bored Least Favorite Food: none(?) Likes: racoons, pranks, games Dislikes: long high pitched noises Talent: making jewelry from random things

R.C is a mischievous person who's definitely on the extroverted side trying to get to know those who catch her interest as best as she can. She's a bit of a chaotic person and while those who see her at first don't think she'd be one to get serious, she can and she will when she needs to. How she actually got into school is a mystery since she seemed to have appeared out of nowhere (it caused quite a few rumors that R.C enjoyed hearing for the drama) but she did and now stays at the Ramshackle Dormitory with Yuu(my au) and his friends. She's easy going and doesn't like too much trouble, always with a grinning look on her face that says 'i'm here for the chaos'. Other than that she loves to spend time with her familiar Gremlin, a racoon with a red bandana and very good understanding of human speech. R.C: Ryuco can't find Dest, Yuu(my au) is dealing with the braincell squad and i'm free to play pra- *get lightly hit by Gremlin* Hey! i thought you were on my side!

Dest Name: Dest Cloverfield Gender: female Species: Luck dragon-born Grade/Class: first year, A-09, part time teachers assistant Birthday: May 15 Age: 16 by human calculations Height: 163 cm Dominant Hand: Ambidextrous Homeland: ҉E҉҉n҉҉g҉҉l҉҉a҉҉n҉҉d҉ not of this world Club: none Best Subject: art Hobbies: sleeping, hoarding collecting, drawing, playing around Pet Peeves: loud high pitched noises Least Favorite Food: eggs Likes: clovers, soft things, marshmallows Dislikes: hunters, poachers, dust Talent: acting, playing the kalimba

Despite some seeing her as lazy, Dest is actually very active around certain people she likes. Dest has been best friends with Yuu(my au) and Ryuco since she was little and they've been stuck together by the hip since (Ryuco and Dest had a breakdown when they couldn't find Yuu(my au) when he first came to Twisted Wonderland). She keeps some of her draconic features (eg. scales in certain places, slit pupils, fangs) out instead of hiding them however many mistake her as some sort of dog beastwoman due too the floppy dog like ears and the fluff ended furry tail. Dest is a cinnamon roll who loves being in her full dragon form in her freetime, often going on for a fly around campus or just to sleep more comfortably in the Ramshackle attic (which she had claimed as her 'room'). She has a slightly playful way of going about things like a nervous kitten and feels more at ease around other draconic people be it fae, or dragonborn. Despite looking like a fully capable teenager, Dest is actually still considered a hatchling just barely at fletching stage (meaning she's a child in the eyes of other dragonborn and maybe fae) leading to Ryuco being extremely overprotective when she's out of Ramshackle. Dest: Ugh, we have class already? guess i gotta go hide from Yuu(my au) and Ryuco again...

Ryuco Name: Ryuco Nox Gender: male Species: storm dragonborn Grade/class: second year, E-011 Birthday: November 3 Age: 17-19 by human calculations Height: 195 cm Dominant Hand: right Homeland: ҉E҉҉n҉҉g҉҉l҉҉a҉҉n҉҉d҉ not of this world Club: none Best Subject: PE Hobbies: flying, racing Pet Peeves: leaving cabinets or doors open Least Favorite Food: nothing (for now) Likes: meerkats, cloud gazing Dislikes: very large crowds, loosing sight of Dest Talent: making realistic owl noises, finding Dest

Ryuco is a gentle giant putting on a tough act when in reality he's a big softie around those he cares for. He acts serious quite alot however he tries to be more relaxed and open around those he trusts. He's also basically the other babysitter of the ramshackle dorm students alongside Yuu(my au) and spends the majority of his free time making sure that everyone is behaving and doing well. He doesn't like the idea of leaving Dest alone due to her still being rather young but entrusts her to Yuu(my au) when he has to leave. Similarly to Dest he also prefers to have his draconic features (straight white horns, scaly wing tipped tail, slit pupils) out however having two pairs of wings can cause problems in small spaces. He likes to use his tail to wack students on the head when they annoy him too much. Ryuco: So you wish to know more about the ramshackle students. Well, all i can say is you've come to the right place

Shiloh Name: Shiloh loch Gender: male Species: kelpie Grade/class: second year, C-016 Birthday: April 17 Age: 18 (got held back a year) Height: 178 cm Dominant Hand: right Homeland: ҉E҉҉n҉҉g҉҉l҉҉a҉҉n҉҉d҉ not of this world Shaftlands Club: none Best Subject: P.E Hobbies: swimming, scaring students by pretending to be a normal horse, collecting things Pet Peeves: boredom, people assuming he eats humans Least Favorite Food: nothing (for now) Likes: shells, pictures of water, water, Dislikes: anything that would tie him down. chains, ropes, etc Talent: finding cool things out of nowhere

Shiloh is a person who comes of to people as calm, quiet and well reserved when in reality he can actually get quite cocky and bold when people challenge him. he hates having things tying him down, schedules included, hence the reason he was held back a year. Shiloh, like the Ramshackle students is infact from a different world, more specifically, the world Yuu comes from. However he was transported to Twisted Wonderland earlier, three years having past by in Twisted Wonderland and only a few months having passed by in Yuu's world. He likes to say that he's not as bad as he used to be however he still acts like a possibly over confident colt when people challenge him. He has yet to find anyone who has won against him whether in human form or in his kelpie form. Shiloh has also not yet come across someone who has actually 'broken' him, only having attempts from a few Savannaclaw and Octavinelle students (they all failed).

Shiloh: why do i have such sharp teeth? why do you ask? do they perhaps make you nervous? don't believe every myth that you read, alot of them are false.........you just have to figure out which ones

[eirasummersart]

General info:

Here's my notes on how the relationship starts and develops! C: I did this mostly for myself so it might not be too prettily written, but I think it's still understandable! I hope you enjoy!

Big text under the cut~

He’s friends with Sebek since their first class day. Dillon tried to sit next to him and Sebek really rudely tried to make him leave. He started a rant about lowly humans and rambled on until he started praising his Waka-sama. Dillon only heard the last part and just answered with “Waka-sama is super cool, isn’t he??”. Since that day, Sebek made sure to always have a seat next to him for Dillon.

And little by little, the sitting next to each other at class became a “You’re a mess, Dillon, let’s study together, I’ll explain it to you”, and they started to hang out outside class for studying. (Dillon’s grades also got somewhat better). And then eventually they started to hang out aside from studying too.

Sebek is usually busy with one thing or another, and Dillon is always going around the campus doing who knows what (stalking people, foraging for food, just exploring…). But when they do see each other, Dillon runs to him and gives him a big hug (Since he’s the one to spot Sebek first 90% of the time). After that, they’d hang out if it’s possible or just exchange a few words and part ways again~ (Dillon would probably hang around Sebek if he’s patrolling and leaves once he gets bored or Sebek tells him he’s being a bother hahah He’s good at surveillance tho, so he’s usually allowed to stay~)

Aside from that, Dillon would sometimes drag him to bask under the sun (“We need to get some sun or we’ll grow weak!!”) and get him to sit on the grass with him for a bit while Dillon lays down (he still hasn’t gotten Sebek to lay down as well, he tries hahah). They just kinda relax a bit at those times :D

As for how the dynamic itself is, Sebek would usually be talking about something or the other for a long while, and Dillon would listen closely to every word and would be really impressed and praise him by the end (although he always praises the weirdest thing because that’s what grabs his attention hahaha).

On the other hand, Dillon would bring back lots of snacks or small trinkets for Sebek. He always shares his stuff with people he cares about and Sebek is one of the few in NRC he gives the most to (kinda as much as he does with Ruggie). Partially because they’re together a lot and partially because he’s just close to him~

They do sit together to eat more often than not in the cafeteria. They’re a sight to behold. Table full of dishes and dishes of food and they just inhale it all. The first time Dillon stole something from Sebek’s plate, he got mad and threatened to steal food from Dillon’s plate next if he did it again. But Dillon just smiled brightly and said “Of course! You can always take half of my food if you want to :D” and Sebek was stunned and quite moved so he did not complain ever again about the food stealing (he gets some from Dillon’s plates too).

—

After some time with this comfortable dynamic, there’s a day when there’s just no place to sit down to study together, and they can’t sit outside that day (too cold). And so, Sebek just says “let’s go to my room, we won’t be bothered there” and Dillon obviously just agrees happily like he always does with everything Sebek says.

And the first thing he sees as he enters the room: Waka-sama’s big portrait, proudly hanging from the wall. Seeing his fixed gaze, Sebek just casually mentions that it's a portrait of Waka-sama while leaving his bag and stuff. Dillon just looks at it intently for a bit and in the end he just goes “That’s Waka-sama-senpai? I’ve never seen him before. What an amazing portrait, you’re so lucky! :D” and Sebek is so moved by his appreciation that he tears up just a tiny bit, and genuinely suggests Dillon should just move to Diasomnia with them. Dillon just takes that as a joke and playfully rejects the offer like “of course not, silly! Why would I change dorms lmao” and Sebek was just a tiny bit disappointed hahahaha

But well, after that they do end up always going to Sebek’s room to study. And then they hang out there if they have time afterwards. And bond more, and get closer….

—

And after a while of that, Dillon starts to have… weird feelings around Sebek. He’s not sure what’s wrong? But he gets a bit nervous, he really enjoys hearing his loud as heck voice (even if it hurts his ears a bit), he wants to hug him more, wants to give him more gifts, share with him all he finds, tell him all that happens during his day…

He does all that unconsciously, and when he realizes it’s gotten out of hand, he just pulls away. Completely. He still sits next to him in class, but pulls his chair a bit farther away. He uses excuses to not study together. And just goes to the club activities or to the forest more and more to get his mind out of it. Why can’t he just enjoy his company as he always did??

Sebek is quite confused and a little bit hurt, but aside from trying to just do things as normal and still ask to hang out or study, he does not push more. He does not know what to do, to be honest.

But other people do notice this big sudden shift, and the first year group gets together for an intervention. So they all (minus Sebek, obviously) gang on to Dillon, with a lot of difficulty they manage to trap him to talk, and try and figure out what the heck happened. There’s a lot of non concrete answers from Dillon and they’re not going anywhere until Ace just teasingly says “What, you have a crush on him or something? lol” and Dillon has the sudden realization that… yeah. That’s it, that’s what it is. And with his realization, everyone realizes too and they all just mentally facepalm a bit. 

After a long talk of “If you like him, why do you avoid him???” and lots of “I don’t know, I don’t know!!” he puts his feelings a bit in order and is now able to process it by himself for a few more days.

And after that, with no change from Sebek’s perspective, but seeing that the other first years know something they’re not telling him, he ends up going to confront Dillon.

So, he goes all stern and angry, expecting another excuse from Dillon to leave but determined to not let him get away. But Dillon actually accepted talking with him without putting up any fight. And when Sebek asks “What’s wrong with you lately?” Dillon just directly and with no hesitation just tells him “I have a crush on you”. Before Sebek can even answer him, blushing and in quite a shock, Dillon just continues “It’s ok, though. Don’t worry, you don’t have to change anything. I’m used to it now, it won’t be a problem” and just like that he leaves him there. Sebek is quite stunned there for a bit until he goes “WHAAAT??!” (and everyone turns to look at him confused kalsfhalksf).

The awkwardness doesn’t completely disappear, but they start hanging out again normally. But Dillon keeps his distance a bit more, and doesn't hug him as much. He keeps giving him stuff, as much as before he pulled away, and he’s as attentive with him as always, still praising him all the time. Sebek was determined to do as Dillon had said, not change anything and just go back to normal. But something is different… and he can’t just leave it be…

He ends up so distracted and quite visibly distraught that the others in Diasomnia notice. Even Malleus comments on it once. Lilia does figure it out quite easily and teases him here and there without revealing he does now. Until the day Sebek just can’t take it anymore and asks for help. And so Lilia gives him the worst advice ever, as if it were really serious. Silver tries to help him too (mainly telling him what advice from Lilia he shouldn't follow) but Sebek dismisses him every time.

—

Sebek has so many plans about what he should do, so many mental notes from all that Lilia has told him. But he just can’t find the right time to put them into action. It’s so difficult! 

But then one day, Dillon pulls away from him, they weren’t even sitting that close, but he still pulls away… and Sebek just has the impulse to get him closer again. So he pulls him towards him and hugs him tight. Dillon awkwardly laughs and tries to pull away without making a fuss, but Sebek will NOT let him go, not anymore, he wants him right here. And Dillon starts to get really nervous and embarrassed, and he’s feeling things he said he wouldn’t anymore, and he tries to pull away more forcefully and asks “What are you doing?”.

Sebek had all these plans ready, but at that moment he could only answer “I want you close, don’t pull away from me anymore!!”. Dillon stops struggling after that, and a second later he wraps his arms and legs around Sebek and squeeeeezes really tight. He missed this so much, he loves having him close, he just wanted to be closer and closer….

After sitting in silence like that, just hugging each other tight, Dillon says in a quiet voice “Do you understand what this means? If you do this I’ll want you closer and closer… I like you so much…” and Sebek answers in a uncharastically low voice “That’s what I want to… I like you too…”

After that Dillon pulls away just so he can look at him and beams with a “You do?” with a big smile, before going back to hugging him EVEN TIGHTER all happy and laughing. Right then, Sebek just feels like everything is how it should be “this is what I was missing, this is what I want”.

—

After that, Dillon gets clingier than before. Sebek did not think that possible, but Dillon finds even more occasions to give him a hug and looks for him even more often, even if it’s not to stay for a long time (Usually he just gives him a cute trinket or food and leaves). But that's all. If they’re alone sometimes Dillon would cling to his arm or hold his hand too. But not too much. He seems to just stop himself at tight hugs. So Sebek starts to keep him closer even after hugs, so they can cuddle when sitting together. And holds his hand more, and pats his hair (Dillon really likes when he does it, turns to mush in his arms). But only when they’re completely alone, they don’t like this sort of thing in public (aside from what Dillon already shamelessly did as just friends).

Dillon also praises him even more than before, and with more loving words as well, much more endearing and awed by Sebek. And Sebek drinks on that SO MUCH, he starts to boast even more, tries to do stuff just for his praise, and he gets it, so he just keeps doing it. Dillon just genuinely thinks he’s amazing and that’s why he says it. But one day he actually praises him but ends it with a “This is why I love you so much <3” for the first time, Sebek’s brain just short circuits and holds him close and gives him a big kiss (an awkward one though, he has absolutely 0 prior experience). He gets really embarrassed when he realizes he just gave him their first kiss just like that, oh no! But Dillon just smiles brightly and goes in for another one and Sebek forgets all about his panic. So the kisses end up a regular occurrence from then on, only when they’re completely alone, though. They really want their privacy for that. (Although Dillon does sometimeeees give Sebek kisses on the cheek as a goodbye when he feels like it and Sebek is happy but stunned every time).

---

That's all in this one! Some more future stuff and some other things in the next post tomorrow, with the ship questions~

If you read all this, thank you so much for your interest! I hope you liked it 👉👈

[a-nice-egg-offering]

The way that Dennis and Dee are so similar and yet have nearly complete opposite personality types is so interesting and important to the fabric of the show no one else is an mbti/psychology buff like me so u probably don’t care but I’m gonna talk about it anyway. So Dennis is an ENTJ (if you break that down in the most basic of ways that’s extroverted, intuitive, thinking, judging but it’s actually a lot more complicated than that and I’m not going to go into it rn but u get the general gist) and Dee is an ESFP (Extroverted, sensing, feeling, perceiving) now in compatibility terms just with how you get along with the people in your life, the best matches are people with opposite first and last letters but the same middle two letters or opposite all letters but the same second letter so based on this Dennis and Dee couldn’t be more opposite unless one of them was an introverted type right so in theory they should clash in every way but here is when it’s nature vs nurture because they have so many of the same characteristics it seems impossible for their types to be so different and yet they are. Because your personality type is made up of your brain functions right and you can be one type while still having an overactive certain function that doesn’t technically align with your type so the way Dennis and Dee have influenced each other despite being such different types is very interesting in the whole outline of their psychology. Another interesting point is that Dennis and charlie are the only intuitive types in the group (ENTJ & ENFP) (Frank is ESTP) and also a pairing that seems to understand each other, charlie is certainly the person Dennis has the most compassion for and I find this super interesting because intuitive types generally don’t feel understood by sensor types and vice versa also since Dennis is an ENTJ and therefore the rarest type this also adds to the feeling of no one in the group truly understanding him and it’s bizarre bc I mean Dennis and Dee are twins they grew up together and tho Dee understands Dennis better than anyone else does there is still a rift between them where she is bad at intuitively feeling what’s going on with him at any given time possibly because she’s a sensor and that’s not naturally how she’s wired. Dennis on the other hand understands the gang intuitively to the point where it’s boring for him because they never surprise him - a reason why the RPG moment was so special and soft because he truly hadn’t been expecting it. This is what Dennis craves and values in the people around him - being able to surprise him. Being an INFJ myself (an equally intuitive type) I feel much the same way and also relate to him in the way that all my friends at school were sensors so though I enjoyed their company I never really felt like anyone truly understood me. I think that can be so frustrating for Dennis in regards to Dee sometimes too because she’s supposed to be his other half and he can read her so well yet she keeps missing the mark with his needs. It was interesting that in DTAMHD the Dee in his fantasy was on his side, knew how he’d react to something the gang did and actively tried to stop them from upsetting him because that’s what he wishes he had from her in reality. I don’t even really know what point I’m trying to make here these are just some thoughts and me finding a way to bring my two special interests together lol. Also just an extra little note Dee and macs types are very similar (ESFP & ESFJ) and yet they can’t stand each other which I find quite funny because as we know the gang is always offended by any kind of mirror so the fact Dee and Mac are so similar is also probably the reason they hate each other so much.

[shrunkupthejams]

hello tumblr, good timezone! a little life update (which was written at 2am? and gets very rambly and long but *shrugs* i tried to break up the walls of text a bit):

1. did i disappear? yes. will i elaborate on that? not really, i don't feel like it. but i will say that once you take a break from social media it is really hard to go back. it's very freeing, and that made me worried about how tumblr would take over the little free time i have if i came back. also hyperfixations are a lot harder to not hyperfixate on when i frequently spend time on here. overall, idk how long i was gone for, but it was a very good, much needed break that was probably great for my brain.

2. idk if i'm back back yet. we shall see. again productivity is doing much better without any tumblr in my system, as much as i do love spending time here.

3. i have read some very inspiring fics lately and am having many writing thoughts! which is great bc i really fell into a slump that i haven't been able to get out of this year like... back in may, or whatever. unfortunately, i have no time between catching up on missing school work from being sick, my job, and fucking moving. so.

4. not very tumblr relevant, but oh my god im fucking moving. again. story of my life basically. it's. fine. just happened really fast and it's weird to process. im officially in moving limbo for the next two weeks. and that sucks. but it's ultimately good for my system, i think, because i was getting restless waiting for the usual regularly scheduled "big change" in my life, and that quota is now being filled and it's relieving.

5. dear lord i don't even want to look in my notifications.. if anyone tagged me in stuff while i was out... im so sorry but it's likely lost in the pile. avoiding my problems on social media is like my specialty, and my notes is currently one of those problems.

6. (if you see me unfollow a bunch of stranger things blogs (hello, i know some of those are mutuals), im sorry but i clogged my dash with st blogs so bad and i cannot afford slipping into that hyperfixation rn. i can't do that to myself. it's not personal or anything. so um. don't mind me haha.. i should really consider the state of my dash before i follow... but alas, i do not. one of the main reasons i typically avoid the hellscape that is instagram! oh and tbh, i knew it was time to come back to this hellsite when i started casually wasting like. an actual amount of time on instagram semi-regularly. that's when yk it's time to go like fuck i do not want to be in a place where i am wasting time on instagram of all places. wasting time on tumblr is at least tasteful. sorry artists of instagram ily but i simply cannot.)

7. ahaha watch me avoid my sideblogs after this (not that's incredibly relevant). i can only involve myself in social media so much rn...

8. more irl news: after, at least of 2022 and then some of saying i need therapy, i'm finally getting therapy! first appointment booked for this wednesday babey :) thank GOD. definitely needed this after discovering that apparently you can have grandfather issues, as if my current parental issues weren't enough.

9. another irrelevant irl update: i got my license! fucking finally! idk if i ever complained about that on here but YEAH. it feels like so much has changed since i was last active on tumblr..

10. as a final bit of news, since this got fucking long im so sorry, im trying out the name kurtis now. seeing how that fits :)

and um yeah that's how my life is going rn. ill try not to go off in the tags about anything, considering the length of this post. sure makes that relatively new dashboard post shortening feature come in handy tho! haha..

[ohwell-itsme]

Oh, you don't understand, I grew up in isolation searching for evil in my heart so I can't be hurt saying I'm not human at all and playing dead in my room sometimes it feels like I am already centuries old but I still think of myself as a child and I'll never have enough time I was never good at lying, but I can't help thinking "if I am too earnest, they will kill me like a dog" because I've always been other, even where I'm supposed to belong, and it's hard not to be bitter, learned not to be forgiving because there's people who never change, but they do hang around and they'll say that it's good that I am passionate and unique but I can't get along because what I really am is selfish and sensitive and I think that mother is a wound that pours into you and it never stops bleeding, and love is only salt in it I'm entitled and I'm bitchy, too queer and radical, but not really, actually too passive, ignorant and escapist, wouldn't care, I mean, my mother says with full conviction that I don't like anyone, when my sister once again is firing questions about favorites and connections, isn't she wrong, though? hard to tell I still get lonely, that is for sure, I am a safe distance from everyone and they can't reach me, no, not even if we both try, because it all looks fake through my lenses, sometimes I think we're all just manipulating each other into getting affirmations, putting on masks, like it's not our nature to be cruel and we play nice to get something good in return, maybe I only ever speak when I try to get praise or throw it all up when I can't hold back no more, but who knows.

After so much time alone, you get weird, weirder than you can naturally be or get on purpose, 90% of human behaviors are annoying, things that don't personally interest me are a bother, but I grit my teeth and try to be more normal, just like I do when I agonize over myself being annoying and refuse to give in to the instinct to bolt. It is largely a pain to be around other people, I don't have the energy for it most of the time, I can't do small talk or platitudes and I am bossy in creative projects, sometimes it's more like, maybe I need to give people a breather from me so they still like me, but mostly I just sink into things to do alone, I could be alone for ages, if the immortality came with no longer having physical needs, that'd be great, I might still sometimes indulge, but mostly I'd forget to, I'd waste a few decades on games, maybe start getting into more books later, and puzzles, and just walking around, travelling when I can, maybe second or third century in, I'd be like "I should start maxing out my skills" and try learning again, it wouldn't go very well, since I like getting the general idea and saying that's enough about most topics, I would take two things seriously: experimenting in the kitchen and being overtly studious about shows/visual novels, making notes and docs and all the prep for writing I never get around to; maybe I'd get into painting too, not drawing tho, and I wouldn't try to be good either. Again, given that I don't have needs and don't have to submit to capitalism, I could actually end up writing out my stuff, go somewhere where I can be alone, with the only distraction being myself, and write, without worrying about what I have to do next, like shopping or sleeping, I could actually get somewhere like that. Maybe eventually I'd figure that learning some type of fighting and increasing my body strength is also beneficial, so I have an easier time traveling further away and partying alone. Maybe at some point I'd decide to live in the wild, at least for a while, but probably not, or at least, not in the woods. I'd try to get better at recognizing plants, but fail to memorize their names. A few centuries in, I'd start to do stupid things I used to be afraid of, because I felt like the adrenaline of it was only shortening my lifespan. I'd dye my hair every color. I still would never have sex. I'd try to become a cryptid or otherwise start an urban legend or something like that. Keep on changing my identity and trying to get famous and seeing if people will say that I look like myself. Invent a sandwich and keep on telling people like it's already known until it sticks as a classic of unknown origin. Make up words. Be an unsettling presence. Relationships already are fleeing and last a miniscule part of my life, why would I be worried about that? It's always just for a little itty bit and it's never close enough, and it burns and breaks and leaves a scar. People don't like knowing me, they like it when I'm somewhere in the orbit, occasionally popping in, showing my best face, and then I'm cool and wise and inspiring and I like how they're reacting too.

[kittyphoenix12-xx]

The Slightly Incoherent Review Of UA Season 3

SPOLIERS FOR THE ENTIRE SEASON AHEAD

·       The fucking dance-off. Before we saw it, I had joked to my sister that they should do a dance battle, and I was in tears the entire time. It was such a good song choice, and the vibes were immaculate, so it was a shame that the entire thing was a fever dream.

·       Unstoppable Force (Umbrella Academy) meets Immovable Wall (Sparrow Academy). I think this explains how most of the Sparrows were taken out – the Umbrellas had been humbled by 5 disappearing and Ben dying, they knew that they couldn’t stay, whilst the Sparrows hadn’t had this, they were arrogant – like the Illuminati in Multiverse of Madness.

·       also, doesn’t help that the Umbrellas are basically feral by this point.

·       HOTEL OBSIDIAN was such a vibe, honestly. It was such a cool hotel. Although, I did think that the patrons that we kept getting close-ups on would be more important. Especially the guy who played Death in SpN – thought his role would be bigger

·       STANLEY!!!!!!!! He was so cute, and such a good foil for Diego. I know he wasn’t actually his son, but they were so cute together. I wish they had been more upset when he fucking died tho?? Like, they just stood there and then left??? TF??

·       HARLAN! TBH, I hadn’t really been expecting his character, which was stupid of me, but I liked what they had done with him and how they developed him, both as a super-powered person and as an autistic person. I’m not autistic myself, so I cant say much, but he was very interesting especially with how his power was utilised in comparison to Viktor’s.

·       On that note, Viktor’s coming out was handled so well. I know that some people might’ve been annoyed about how brushed over it was, but I’m of the opinion that if we normalise coming out in anyway, it doesn’t have to be a big deal.

·       LUTHER: Luther’s character has come such a long way since season 1. I liked him well enough in season 2, even though he wasn’t my favourite, but this season he was; funny and caring and had major proper himbo energy. He just loved his wife and his siblings so much and I honestly love that vibe for him

·       Luther/Sloane – I know that this relationship isn’t for everyone, but honestly, Luther needed to move on from Allison and this time they’re not actually siblings. Not even adopted technically, the issue with Allsion and Luther was the fact that they had grown up together as siblings, so Luther/Sloane was much healthier. They were cute as well, because Sloane really cared about Luther and the moon, and I know it was annoying in season 1 (even though he was partially correct about it having to do with the moon???) but the fact that he was alone up there for four years and none of his siblings cared?? Like, Sloane did??? And I think them getting married really quickly was in character for both of them, change my mind.

·       DIEGO: Diego wasn’t my favourite in season 2, I felt like they’d ruined his character from season 1 (maybe, it was the hair?? and JFK??) but he was so much better this season. He was a better sibling, father, boyfriend etc and he was trying so hard, the entire time and I really thought that they did his character justice this season

·       Diego/Lila – I knew they’d bring this back for this season, but I had been expecting some drama with Patch for some reason?? I wasn’t the biggest fan in season 2 because I thought that they’d enabled each other, but their relationship was much better this season. I think Lila makes Diego soft in comparison??? I don’t know how to explain it?? But yeah. If there’s a season 4, hope they make good parents, would probably let their kid drink a glass of wine sometimes or something.

·       Allison: Oh, Allison. Look I get it, you lost your child and then your husband, but honestly, it wasn’t surprising that Claire wasn’t there. But her toxic arc was kinda horrifying to witness?? Like I wanted to slap her at some points. Was she valid in the way she was feeling? Mostly. Did that give her the right to do most of the things she did? No. she sexually assaulted Luther (unacceptable, no matter what) and murdered Harlan (the only thing about this was the fact that I think Harlan let her do it willingly). But Harlan was practically Viktor’s child, he’d been living with him, helping Sissy raise him and it had only been a few days for him, so it was understandable why Viktor was unwilling to murder Harlan, so that sat uncomfortably with me. The fact that Allison didn’t think she’d done anything wrong was even more terrifying??? Like, Harlan’s death hadn’t really united the families, the wedding did, and she was awful to Viktor. TELLING YOUR BROTHER THAT YOU SHOULD’VE LEFT HIM IN THE BASEMENT IS TERRIBLE. It was a good thing that Viktor was emotionally stable this season, honestly.

·       Also, how does the Claire/Ray thing work? Did Alison still sleep with Patrick in this timeline? How is Ray alive? Is it because it was her ‘wish’ and the timeline just rewrote itself around them?

·       KLAUS: Babe, I miss season 1 Klaus, he was such a vibe. But he’s matured somehow, and I like him all the same (although season 2 was iffy, no matter how funny the cult was). I’m glad that they put Klaus and 5 together, because their dynamic is hilarious. And I love the power exploration this season, but I wish they did more with ghosts because that was kind of confusing??? I know they did it so that he could summon Luther, but I felt like their was a better way to utilise that??? Also, does his power work with alcohol now? Or was it just drugs that stopped them??

·       Klaus and Reginald: This was a rollercoaster that broke me in the end. I’m not a fan of characters forgiving abusive parental figures without a really good reason, but it was in character for Klaus (and the rest of the Umbrellas), so I understood. But the fact that Reginald killed him over and over and Klaus accepted it made me sad, even if it was necessary but the ULTIMATE BETRAYAL was the act at the end when he left Klaus to the apocalypse. That made me so upset and I wish Reggie died and I hope Klaus fucking wrecks him next season

·       FIVE: love this little guy. Very feral, although he did lose a few braincells, as in it took him way too long to realise something was wrong but I think we can cut him some slack, he just survived three apocalypses in a month. He deserves a break. He was the least changed character, so I don’t actually have much to say

·       BEN: Benny, Bennerino, oh boy. I love this dickhead so much. He’s basically Diego if Diego didn’t have Grace. Inferiority complex a mile wide, coupled with the fact that some douchebags from another timeline bonded with his father more than he did and kept comparing his to a different Ben, I get why he was mad. I did want him to take a chill-pill tho, lmao

·       VIKTOR: Viktor was so self-assured this season, I love it. He had some of the best character development and it really showed. Did he technically start three apocalypses? Yes. Do we blame him for it? No. Emotional trauma for the win, baby.

·       The Sparrows: Cool concept, subpar execution. I didn’t even no what Marcus’s power was, was it super-strength????? They were so hyped up that they definitely fell flat and only served as plot devices (even Sloane) other than Ben and it makes me sad, because they were so cool. They were what Reginald both wanted and feared. Powerful children? Check. Don’t respect or fear him anymore? Double check. That was a power move though, honestly.

·       THE PLOT: Uh, better than season 2 in my opinion. Dallas was boring for me, but this was an interesting apocalypse – because I’m 98% sure that it could’ve been solved with communication from all parties, but it wouldn’t be the Umbrella Academy otherwise. Oblivion definitely confused me, and I think it came in too fast once we got there??? You get me??? Like they fixed it pretty quickly once it happened and I thought that part was the least interesting plot point. IDK

·       Also Pogo as a tattoo artist was hilarious.

Sorry that this was long, what do you think about any of these opinions??

[beetsandskzreads]

silent bright summer night

bang chan x gn!reader, y/n works with skz and became their friend (the ultimate dream haha)

genre: tooth-rotening fluff, slight angst with a happy ending

notes/warnings: nothing intense, this is very fluffy, there's brief mentions of cheating, long distance, y/n's exes, fear of abandonment, slight insecurities, deep talks, reader and chan are slightly wine drunk, y/n and chan are whipped, y/n makes it explicit they want to date someone very warm and caring (aka chan), i don't think that's a warning tho djsjs just saying

scenario: on a balcony, at a beach apartment on a summer night of vacation, y/n opens up to chan about their past and current lovers. what y/n doesn't know is why chan is so interested listening to it.

It was 1:01 am when chan and I found ourselves in the balcony that overlooked the city and it's bright lights on a summer night. Skz had gone to sleep right after all of us came back from a night out of lots of fun, buying stuff on stores by the beach, having ice cream, seeing the view of the city lights reflecting on the sea water, appreciating street artists...

The two of us had been talking the whole evening, we hung out as a group but mostly just spoke to each other and laughed at the members jokes, both of us having a sparkle in our eye every time we saw the group happy. There was this unspoken pleasantness, a bliss, calmness in the air but with a lot of excitement. Chan was so happy to be around the sea with "the kids" as he refers to them and being at the beach almost 24/7 this week, it was like his natural habitat, his home, a comfort place. It left you feeling even softer for him, and as you shared your love for the sea, your feelings were at a peak. You liked Chan, and you loved this place as much as he did.

The night was so great, everyone was out like a lightweight as soon as we arrived to the vacation apartment we're in. Chan and I were testing the theory that a glass of wine would help us get drowsy and help us fall asleep as well, since we both have trouble falling asleep and felt nothing but a remaining excitement from the night out. It came to me especially because of the enthusiasm of talking to him, we were connecting so well, I didn't want this to ever end.

And so we drank (one glass quickly becoming the whole bottle) and we talked for what felt like hours on end, that neither of us wanted to cease.

- My ex best friend, she never quite knew how to choose guys, she always went for the ones that would never turn her way, the ones who obviously wouldn't care about her, not because of her, but because they were really careless guys, walking red flags. - I told him, I couldn't remember where exactly the conversation started but we were talking about nice people picking shitty people to date.

- What about you? - he asked

- Me? I barely even like guys, I mean I do, but I'm really picky actually, I don't allow myself to fall for cold people, I wouldn't forgive myself if I took interest in someone rude, I try so hard to take care of myself so I either stay alone that way or I find someone who makes me feel better, who knows how to take care of me, after all we chase happiness, I think a caring person could do that, someone gentle who isn't scared of emotions or who at least is open to face that fear with me by their side.

- I get it, it's hard to get by if you don't have emotional support, a partner should be able to provide that support, yeah. Did you ever... find someone like that?

- Yeah, in the past I did and even now I do know someone more than ideal... I guess my ex partners when I was young were going through a soft phase tho... I guess everyone has an emotional limit they were scared to cross... once I found that barrier the relationship stoped evolving, reached a dead end and so there was nothing left for me anymore and I left, plus, you know, cheating, long distance, a bunch of stuff really... it wasn't meant to be and I'm okay with that.

- What about that someone right now?

Silence ruled for about 3 seconds before I knew what to say. That someone right now is him. Ever since I've known him feels like he's the only man ever, but I don't think I'd tell him that, not soon anyways.

- What about 'em?

- What's that person like? What makes you trust they're any different from your exes?

- Sometimes I fear they're not, but I set the bar really high and I reset it constantly, to make sure I'm seeing it right, sometimes they seem so perfect to me that I wonder what good have i done in my past life to deserve to be around such a bright person. Of course they make mistakes too, but even the way they deal with them is so... mature, it's so easy to just solve things communicating, it's insane to me. Then I remember it's probably because they're eventually gonna leave me too, or just not reciprocate my feelings and after they break my heart I'll probably loose all hope in love, be heart broken for two years until I decide I'm gonna focus on myself again... it's a cycle after heartbreak, but with this person I'm really scared, because they mean more. I'm way too deep in before I've even expressed my feelings, it's gonna be devastating. - I'm rambling, the wine made me do it.

- What makes you think they wouldn't like you back tho?

- I'm not sure I just... it would be too good to be true and it's complicated... he's amazing and I'm just not sure if he'd be into me, I mean, I think I'm lovable and I think I'd be a great lover, I just don't know if I'm his type or if he'd consider me. We have a bit of an age gap, I'm not someone who's typically pretty or specially good looking, I have my charms but I have no idea if that's enough for him to be in love. It's complicated with each others work too... - I notice chan's gaze on me, he has his head leaned on his hand on the table and he's looking at me with bright eyes, eyes that look tired and a little drunk but somehow, he manages to look at me in a way that makes me feel adored, I don't know why you have to make me feel so much love, Bang Chan - Why are you looking at me like that?

- You have no idea how other people perceive you, do you? - he ignored your question, probably because of his drunk-ish drowsy state - Everyone I know likes you, see, you're a naturally kind and caring person, you're attentive to people's needs, you make sure everyone feels comfortable around you... that's so appreciated by everyone. I think you're exceptional y/n, you have this charismatic way of existing, a refreshing and comfy presence everyone can feel, but to me... it feels like home. You feel like home y/n. So... I have no idea who that person is but I sure as hell know they'd be more than lucky to have you as a partner and they're definitely dumb if they let you go.

- Are you dumb? - my heart's pounding quicker as I'm about to do something I didn't plan on doing ever.

- Huh? No, why w-

- Because that person is you... I like you, Chan. In a more-than-friends way - I interrupt him quickly before I lose my newly found courage.

Chan could've sworn his heart stopped for a few seconds. Suddenly sobriety hit him like a truck. It was the alcohol that made you say that, he thought, but he wished it was true and you didn't drink enough to be lying about this kind of stuff, you had a full on conversation and you seemed pretty sober.

- Y-y/n are you sober? - he tries to navigate through the situation.

- Oh my... yeah I am, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, it just rolled out of my tongue. I'm sorry... - you said as you panicked and tried to go back inside, regret filling up all your organs.

"I messed up" your brain keeps repeating as desperation starts entering your body, until Chan grabbed your hand, stopping you from leaving.

- Wait! You don't need to apologize, I'm glad you told me... You didn't think I'd say all that about you if I didn't like you as well, did you? - he asks suggestively.

- I don't know - you blush as you realize what he's getting at - You're just so nice to everyone, I didn't make a big deal out of it.

- Well, you should've made it a big deal, the biggest deal actually because I've been trying really hard to show you how I feel these past few days and you were so clueless I thought you were purposefully ignoring the signs because you didn't like me back.

- I'm sorry Channie, I just didn't want to assume stuff and get heartbroken if it wasn't true.

-Well it is true, so you don't need to worry anymore. I really like you too, y/n. And I've wanted to say it for a while too, I was just wondering if it was a good idea since you work with us, but I can't contain my feelings anyways... you always treat me so softly and you look after the kids really well... It just feels like you were made to be by my side, you're the embodiment of the person I've always dreamed to be with, and these past few days with the kids and you... it just felt like we were the perfect family you know? I don't think I could be without you by my side anymore... - he stops, he's been staring at your eyes the whole time and now they're starting to water.

How could you not cry when he's saying the things you thought you'd only ever hear in dreams?

- Why are you crying sweetheart? - he whispered, as he wipes a tear with his thumb, the other hand holding your hand as he stands closer every second.

- It's just... I'm so... happy - you smile through your tears - I'm so happy to hear that, you said it in such a beautiful way too... I feel exactly the same, it's like I've gained a family with you guys but you... I've grown really attached to you, feels like some parts of you are tangled in my heart in ways I couldn't tear apart if I wanted to... I'm drawn to you and when I'm with you it's comfortable, blissful, it's right. You're so good to me, it's unbelievable, but it's true, and it warms my heart. - you say as your foreheads touch and your smile grows, his eyes showing so much adoration for you, you could melt.

Suddenly you share your first kiss together, a soft yet passionate mix of sensations, and it felt like everything you ever felt around Chan but better.

You stare into each other's eyes, smiling like the little lovely goofballs you both were, noses touching, ocasional little pecks filled with giggles because you were whipped for each other.

- So this means we're exclusive lovers now, yeah? - he asks with a blushing face, a very silent giggle and a huge, uncontrollable smile.

- Definitely, yeah - you answer biting your lip until eventually you let out the largest smile you ever had.

Needless to say, you didn't leave that balcony to go to sleep that evening. In fact, you two watched the sunrise kissing and cuddling, talking about the feelings you had for each other, when they started, why you liked each other, covered by a blanket, not wanting to let go of each other now that you were openly romantic.

Han found you both sound asleep, you on chan's lap, head on his neck as his arms wrapped around you gently, on a chair in the middle of the morning. He obviously called all the members to watch you two as they assumed you two finally got together. All of them saw it coming, Chan wouldn't shut up about you and had written what could be an entire album about you.

They were happy at least you'd be around more often to cook your delicious food. And you both blushed really hard once you woke up to lot's of teasing from the kids, it was fine tho, you liked it just like this, it was home.

[andvys]

Fine line part six 

warnings: angst, fluff, alcohol consumption

pairing: Ellie Williams x reader 

Warmth embraced you, a comforting feeling rushed through your body when you started to wake up, the pillow underneath your head felt softer and warmer than last night for some reason causing you to cuddle more into it, you haven't felt this comfortable in a while. 

You started falling back asleep again when you felt a pair of arms pulling you in closer, you opened your eyes in shock when you realized the pillow wasn't a pillow, it was Ellie and you were laying on her chest while her arms were wrapped around you tightly. 

You looked up at her, noticing that she was fast asleep, luckily. You had no idea how you ended up in this position. You tried to stay as far away from each other as possible when you went to sleep last night, so how did you end up cuddled into Ellie Williams? 

The thought of her pulling you into her at night and tightening her arms around you made you feel all warm and weird? 

‘Maybe she didn't even realize she did that..’ you thought to yourself.

Deciding to spare her and yourself the embarrassment you moved her arms off you carefully, trying not to wake her. 

You got up after you managed to move away from Ellie and grabbed your shoes and your hoodie before leaving the room. 

You went into the living room and sat down on one of the armchairs and put your shoes on, tying the laces on your boots, you couldn't help but blush at the thought of you and Ellie cuddling. You had to admit, it felt nice waking up that way.

‘stop it y/n, she hates you and you hat- you don't like her.’ you thought to yourself.

‘it felt better than waking up next to Ethan tho.’ 

Shaking your head, you were pissed at yourself for thinking it was nice, waking up with Ellie. 

You grabbed your hoodie and put it on before you put your knifes in your belt and grabbed your shotgun leaving the apartment.

You needed to clear your head and you needed a distraction right now so you decided to check out a few buildings for supplies while Ellie was still sleeping. 

-

It was raining outside and you could hear thunder rumbling in the distance, you were glad that you had the car now, otherwise you’d had to stay here one more day or for however long the rain would last til you could keep moving again. 

You walked through the street, making sure to not stay too far away from the apartment in case something happened.

An old army store managed to catch your attention, it was probably picked clean already but you were sure you could still find a few things in there. 

You knocked on the window, checking if infected were in there, you waited for a minute to see if any would come running towards the window but nothing happened and it was quiet in there. 

Walking inside, you noted that most shelves were empty but you didn't expect anything else, it would be a miracle if there were more than a few things left after so many years after the outbreak.

You walked over to the counter and walked around it, opening one of the drawers you found a silencer for your pistol, you grabbed it and put it into the pockets of your hoodie. 

You noticed a door that led into a different room, walking towards it you tried to open it but it was locked.

“damnit.” you mumbled. 

You checked for some keys but you couldn't find any so you put your shotgun down and grabbed your knife and leaned down, picking the lock with the blade. 

Sighing in relief when you heard the click, getting up you put your knife back in your belt before you picked your shotgun off the floor and opened the door.

Your eyes widened at the sight that greeted you “oh fuck.” you mumbled as you pointed your shotgun at the infected in front of you, shooting it.

-

Ellie shot up in the bed when she heard a loud gunshot, she looked down noticing that your side of the bed was empty. 

“y/n?!” she called out, hoping that you were in the apartment and the gunshot was just apart of her dream but she heard no response. 

Her heart started racing in her chest and her hands started shaking when she started putting her shoes on, another gunshot echoing through the streets making Ellie even more nervous. 

The thought of you being in danger made her anxious.

She grabbed a flannel putting it on while she ran towards her rifle, grabbing it she left the apartment quickly, racing down the stairs she ran out on the streets, looking around “y/n!” she yelled out. 

The rain poured down the sky, thunder crashed loudly as Ellie noticed a door of one of the stores was wide open.

She ran towards it, her heart pounded in her chest, she was scared that she would find you too late, she was scared that you were injured or worse. 

She ran inside to find you laying on the floor, struggling against a clicker that was trying to bite your face off. 

She aimed her rifle at the clickers head and shot it twice, startling you. 

She walked towards you and threw the clicker off you, looking down on you in anger. 

“fuck..” you mumbled, sitting up you leaned against the counter “it almost got me.” 

Ellie looked around, noticing that there were a few dead clickers laying around but the last one seemed to have overpowered you.

“what the hell y/n?!” Ellie exclaimed angrily, she was mad, you almost got yourself killed for nothing. 

She didn't even want to think about how she would feel if she walked inside to find you dead.

“what were you thinking?” 

You looked up at her in surprise when she raised her voice at you, the angry expression on her face made you feel nervous for some reason.

“I-I wasn't-”

“that’s the problem! you weren't thinking y/n!” she yelled at you, shaking her head “you never do!”

“Ellie I-I’m sorry, that was stupid of me.” you mumbled, getting up to face her, she looked so mad right now you didn't know if saying anything was a good idea.

“you’re right it was stupid.” she stated, looking at you in anger, her breathing was heavy. 

“don’t ever do that again.” she mumbled angrily, glaring at you.

You didn't get why she was so mad, it’s not like she cared about you. 

“I won’t.” you mumbled, bending down to pick up your shotgun you walked past her and walked inside the the room you were planning on checking out before the infected almost attacked you.

Ellie breathed out in relief, putting a hand on her chest, she tried to calm herself down, she was so angry at you for putting yourself in danger like that.

She wasn't in the mood to look for supplies right now so she stayed back and waited for you.

You came back a few minutes later, disappointment written all over your face. 

“there’s nothing.” you mumbled as you went to leave the store.

Ellie scoffed, shaking her head as she followed you out. 

“so you almost got yourself killed for nothing huh?” she grumbled.

You turned around to face her, getting annoyed at her.

“I wanted to make myself useful and look for something rather than sitting around, doing nothing!” you told her.

“yeah you would've been very useful if you were dead right now.” she chuckled humorlessly. 

“I am not dead though.” you said, rolling your eyes “thanks to you.” you mumbled. 

Ellie’s eyes widened in surprise at your words. You never gave in to her and usually you’d never admit that Ellie saved you, even if she clearly did so it was definitely a surprise to hear that from you.

“and why do you even care?” you muttered, looking at her with a frown on your face. 

She hated you, so why was she so angry at you for almost dying?

Ellie’s stayed quiet as she stared at your face, not answering your question.

“well?” you asked, waiting for an answer.

She sighed before she tried moving past you but you stepped in front of her, stopping her from leaving. 

She rolled her eyes and looked down, avoiding looking into your eyes. 

“I just don’t want you to get hurt and i don’t want you to die y/n.” she mumbled before she walked past you, back into the apartment. 

You turned around and watched her leave, you were surprised at her words.

-

Two weeks have passed since that incident at the store and you finally made it to Texas. Under different circumstances it would've taken you a day or two to get there from Jackson but most roads where blocked, so you had to take many backroads. You ran into way too many infected and some groups of people causing you to have a few close calls. The past two weeks have been hard on you and Ellie, you were both covered in bruises and new scars from all the fighting but you had each other’s backs and fought together against any threat that came your way. 

You kept each other alive, you would’ve never thought you and Ellie could work well together but here you were, you had to admit you were a good team.

Things were becoming less tense and awkward between you and you were glad about it, you didn’t have the energy to bicker with her while facing one threat after the other.

You kept thinking back to waking up in Ellie’s arms, you thought it was an accident and it wouldn’t happen again but then you woke up in her arms again a few days after that and a third time a few days ago when you were forced to share the bed in an old motel room. You knew that she knew but you both acted like nothing happened, it was an accident, you didn’t mean to cuddle her, it just happened.

Looking at the map, you noticed you were getting closer to your main destination, which was in Austin. You noticed there were two places marked up in that area but the other one wasn't there before when Maria showed you the map, Joel must've marked it up when he was showing Ellie something on the map. 

“hey, what’s that second location?” you asked Ellie, glancing at her you noticed how tired she looked. 

“huh?” 

“what’s th- are you okay?” you asked, worriedly. 

She looked at you and nodded. 

“no, you're not.” you stated, you could see the dark circles under her eyes and how her eyes almost shut, she was tired.

To be fair, you both didn't get much sleep the past few days, you always ran into trouble and didn't manage to find a place to rest at.

“you should let me drive.” you said, you were tired too but not as much as she was, she looked exhausted.

“it’s fine y/n.” she mumbled.

“no, stop the car.” you ordered, looking at her with a stern expression on your face.

“y/n-

“stop the car, Ellie.” 

She mumbled something under her breath, before she stopped the car. Glaring at you before she got out walking around the car.

You moved over to the driver’s seat as she got into the passenger seat, shutting the door, she looked at you in annoyance, waiting for you to start driving.

“put your seatbelt on.” you smirked at her.

She glared at you, “are you serious right now?” she scoffed.

“yup.” 

She rolled her eyes before doing what you told her to do.

“happy?” 

“very.” you smirked when you finally started to drive.

Shaking her head, she leaned back in her seat and grabbed the map, looking at it, she remembered you asked her about the second location.

“it’s Joel’s house.” she told you, looking over at you she noted the confused expression on your face “the second location.” she added. 

Realization dawned on you, he told you about his house in Texas, he told you that Tommy went there and apparently it’s still as it was when they left.

“oh alright.” 

“if everything goes well we should be there soon I think.” Ellie said.

“okay.” 

-

After two more hours of driving, you successfully made it to Joel’s house, you parked the car in the driveway and got out of the car. You grabbed your backpack and your shotgun from the back of the car and watched Ellie who was looking for something in her backpack. 

Her brows furrowed in concentration when she was rummaging through her backpack. 

You looked around, noting how quiet and peaceful the area looked, you hoped no one was around here but you doubted you’d run into any people here, especially around this time, it was getting dark out now.

“ah there.” she mumbled when she picked out the keys. 

Walking over to the front door she used the key to unlock the door before she walked inside, you went in after her and closed the door.

After you made sure no infected got into the house, you lit a few candles before you sat down on the couch and sighed at the feeling of the soft cushion beneath you.

It’s been a while since you sat or laid down anywhere comfortable.

Ellie sat down next to you and leaned back.

“what now?” Ellie mumbled.

“uhh i don’t know.” you shrugged, you should probably eat something but you weren’t really hungry but you remembered something you had in your backpack.

You bend down and started looking through your backpack.

Ellie watched you in curiosity, wondering what you were looking for. Her eyes widened in excitement when she saw you pulled out a whiskey bottle that you found a few days ago.

“care for a drink?” you asked, smirking at her.

“hell yeah.” she said, getting up she went into the kitchen to grab two glasses.

She held them out for you, as you poured the whiskey inside. You could feel her eyes on you but you didn’t dare to look up at her.

Ellie couldn’t help but stare at you, she didn’t know what it was about you but it was getting harder everyday to resist you. Not that you even wanted her. She hated herself for thinking about you this way. She swore to herself that she wouldn’t fall deeper into this hopeless situation of her longing for you but there was no way not to.

Snapping herself out of her thoughts she handed you your glass before she sat down again, taking a sip of her drink.

“we should sleep in tomorrow before we head out.” you said, looking over at her you eyed her arms, you always admired her muscles.

You always thought you were jealous of her for having them but now you realized you weren’t and those thoughts and feelings went into a completely different direction.

‘how haven’t i noticed how hot she actually is?’ you thought to yourself.

“yeah, we should.” Ellie nodded, glancing at you, she noticed the way you stared at her.

“yeah..” you mumbled, biting down on your lip.

Ellie looked away, hiding her smirk.

Your eyes widened when you realized what you were thinking about, the fact that Ellie catched you checking her out left you feeling flustered.

Downing your drink in one go, you poured yourself another, causing Ellie to chuckle.

“you okay there y/n?” she chuckled.

“hmm? y-yeah s-sure.” you stuttered, as you have her a small smile.

You stayed quiet for a while after that and just enjoyed the silence until Ellie spoke up again.

“you’re not that bad you know?” she told you.

You chuckled as looked at her “well thank you.” you snorted, shaking your head “you’re not that bad either.”

Ellie smiled slightly, “we went from enemies to uh friends?” she asked, shyly.

Your eyes widened, you never thought Ellie would ever call you her friend but you weren’t complaining.

Nodding “friends.” you smiled at her.

“enemies... is that we were?” you asked her, looking at her in curiosity “I mean.. enemies are on opposite teams and they try to kill each other at least five times.” you chuckled.

“yeah and then they fall in love.” Ellie blurted out, her eyes widened when she realized what she said, she wanted to slap herself. 

You fought the smile that started appearing on your face when you noticed how flustered she looked.

“yeah.” you said, taking a sip from your drink. 

You talked for a while longer before you both decided it was time to catch up on some sleep, you just didn't discuss where you would sleep. 

There were two bedrooms up there, you knew one belonged to Joel’s daughter Sarah and there was no way that either of you would sleep in there, you wouldn't even step foot into that room, you felt like you had no right to invade that privacy. 

So there were only two options, Joel’s bedroom or the couch in the living room. 

“so..” you trailed off. “I can take the couch.” 

Ellie looked at you a little sadly, or at least that's what it looked like to you.

“or we can share the bed again.” you suggested, feeling a little nervous “I mean we’ve done it before so..” 

Her eyes lit up at your offer, “y-yeah.. we can do that.” she said before she got off the couch, to go upstairs.

You followed her, feeling a little nervous for some reason. 

You both walked into the room and put your backpacks down before you took your shoes off.

You and Ellie laid down on the bed and looked at each other, it was dark in the room but the light from the moon was bright enough for you to see her. 

“good night Ellie.” you whispered.

“good night y/n.” she whispered. 

Instead of falling asleep with your backs to each other you instead fell asleep facing each other this time.

[jishyucks]

tag game

rules: recommend 5 or more of your own works that you would rec to someone asking what they should read first & explain a little bit about the work. these can be the most popular, the ones you think are underrated, or your own favorites! then tag five other writers! 

tagged by: @pastelsicheng (tyyyy <3)

tagging: @dalkom-han @ddeonuism @loverssfevers @jaehunnyy and anyone else who writes bc this was soso fun! (no pressure tho)

This is gonna be funny because I don’t think I really love any of my works… but anyways here goes…

Better late than never — my very first piece of writing on here!! (I say on here bc I had an old blog where I wrote, but we shall not talk about that). I really don’t think it’s good at all (I remember writing this in the notes app bc I wanted to write it real quick) but seeing how I improved in my writing since then is just really nice to see (plus it’s gonna make the rest of my works look better LMAOO)

And They Were Roommates — Probably the first long fic that I wrote that I was actually proud of! I really liked the dynamics between y/n and Donghyuck in this for some reason. It was also probably the first e2l fic that I wrote so it’s special to me in a way,,, the trope is hella hard to write well, so props to the writers who do it easily! This one got a bunch of attention, which I was very happy with. 

Eight Count — Another long e2l fic that I wrote!! I actually really enjoyed writing this one and I was so happy with it,,, I think I did a better job of easing into and building the relationship compared to the Hyuck one (MORE GROWTH WOOHOO), so i think that’s why I was actually happy with myself during the process of writing this one. I do think it’s sorta underrated though, but still happy with it nonetheless.

Into My traeH — My first Enha fic! It’s the typical ‘woah, wait I have feelings for you that I didn’t know of?’ trope, but the Hogwarts setting made it a bit more magical (ba dum tss),,, this one’s simple but I found it hella cute so I’d easily recommend this one for the fluff of it. 

If and If II — This two-parter got SO MUCH attention, which I really didn’t get because I don’t think I wrote it well enough for the attention it got (like genuinely), but I guess the idea of the story really appealed to people, which I get. Part one, to me, is ass, but the second part (which I wrote like 10 years later) was written so much better. I’m just plopping this in here because it’s a 'fan favourite' and it gave me a lot of motivation to write and improve more!

Sneaking these in ;; Meant to be (Broken) & All I Want — Ones that are short and simple, but sweet heehee,,, these are those ones that aren’t too short, they’re just to the point and fluffy and are just shots of serotonin! These ones got me giggling when writing them cause they’re so cute so why not add them

[mejomonster]

Happy health news. Mostly rambling tho

AWWW YEAH. So the thiamine (100 mg TTFD), my herbal meds from acupuncturist, physical therapy stretches at home, and just general accupuncture and physical therapy, are working!

Knocking on wood but you know***

I havent needed miralax in a week, I'm experimenting with now lowering amitiza dose since I've been going 4 times a day it seems like I can risk lowering it now without super-risking not going for a week (and the vomiting that comes with it).

Notes for myself:

physical therapy stretches specifically help gi tract rumble and feel hunger, so I should try those when I get nausea or no appetite as they're a quick way to help those symptoms. I should also try to do them daily as they may be helping gi tract function better again. DO THIS when nausea or no hunger!!!

Herbal meds seem to be doing something. Just in that since I've started them I haven't needed miralax thank fuck. They're not hurting anything at least so I'll finish the bottles.

I'm currently doing 1 B complex vitamin (so it's got 200 mg B5 since that helps gi function too), and 1 100 mg B1 thiamine TTFD form capsule. I could significantly push up this dose, either up to 3 a day (which seemed to help some others with gi issues), 5 a day (again helped some with gi issues) or all the way up to 1600 mg (the high dose thiamine recommendation). I think I'll keep it where it is for now since that'll make the bottle last longer. But if I can't use bathroom, I could consider upping this dose as an initial attempt to feel better. Then amitiza, then miralax. That would probably be the gentlest order of trying to fix it. I am still going to take motegrity nonstop as I think the primary issue IS motility so I don't want to slow down motility and make things worse.

The nutritionist gave me a supplement with butryate and glutamine. If I add anything I may add that next, a gi protocol with thiamine mentioned those help gi tract heal. I know in the fall/winter I was given those and they did help significantly with lowering pain, increasing my food tolerance of solids. I figure I either got benefit then and I'm good now, or maybe I could use some more. But since I've already got a new supplement with them I may add them back in.

Nutritionist also gave me 2 digestive enzyme supplements she think will help my tolerance with foods causing intense bloating pain constipation that I'm not actually allergic to, like cabbage broccoli beans kimchi etc. But I can do that later and see if it helps later on.

Right now the first variable I want to keep messing with is thiamine, because it's so far only had small good effect or larger positive effect. It's water soluable, it's easy to take.

I'm low key hoping maybe my recovery will be less than 6-8 months (which is the estimate my acupuncturist gave and the similar case to mine seemed to need 5-8 months based on their timeline) just because I can do a few more things and have done more prior work in recovery besides just taking my gi meds to keep me able to eat. Also for me physical therapy seems to be somewhat helpful, which is something the case study like me did not do.