#I think he is just genuinely kind and craves human connection

[wake-me-up-inside-imagines]

Ok, I just read your sweet yandere post and would like to add something.

I love the idea of like a mafia boss yandere or someone who is usually cruel (like maybe a Hades sort of character) but is an absolute sweet heart to their darling. One of my fave tropes

OOOOOOH I LOVE THIS TROPE! I have a character who's just like this actually, a total sweetheart to whoever he's with but has a very low tolerance for most other people.

Sorry, this is a long one lol

I'm gonna make headcanons now because you've inspired me lol.

(Banner/divider credit goes to @cafekitsune)!

Tw: Kidnapping, mentions of violence

Mafia boss! Charlie who is no stranger to violence. He's lived his entire life surrounded by it, in fact. Having a mafia boss for a father will do that to you, he guesses.

Mafia boss! Charlie who's spent his whole life working for the mafia, being trained to kill, smuggle, and deal ever since he was a child. He grew up living a life of crime, rising up the ranks (thanks to his father), before taking over as the boss when his father was killed by an unruly client.

Mafia boss! Charlie who's a cruel, ruthless man. He's killed dozens of people, injured many more, and runs his organization with an iron fist. He may be young, but he's learned enough to know that any show of trust, any display of kindness is a show of weakness, a show of vulnerability. He can't afford that, not when he's the head of the mafia, so he makes sure to make it so that no one will question or challenge his authority by any means necessary.

Mafia boss! Charlie who has very few real friends, keeping those he does have at an arm's length. He'd rather die than admit that he craves real relationships, that he desires to make genuine, true connections with others. But he can't, so he pushes his wants to the side, reminding himself that his only purpose is to keep his business running smoothly, nothing more.

Until he sees you, that is.

Mafia boss! Charlie who meets you out on a grocery run one day. Your interaction is nothing special, at least to you, but Charlie can't help but marvel at how easily you make conversation with him while ringing up his items, how seemingly unfazed you are by his snappy attitude and unapproachable appearance. It's been a long, long time since he's met anyone unafraid of him, and those people are usually rivals who are too cocky for their own good. So this, this is new. He knows it's stupid, he knows that your tiny interaction shouldn't have mattered much to someone like him, but he can't help but feel giddy about the connection he's sure he felt.

Mafia boss! Charlie who, against his better judgment, wastes no time in trying to find out who you are. It's not hard, he has an entire organization full of trained trackers, stalkers, and informants at his disposal, and by the end of the day, he has your full name, address, social media accounts, family tree, medical records, and much more safely in his welcoming hands. He knows this is a bit overkill considering he only met you today and your interaction lasted five minutes at most, but now that he has a taste of real human interaction, he's addicted. He needs more.

Mafia boss! Charlie who quickly becomes awestruck and obsessed with you. His whole life, he's been surrounded by the craftiest, cruelest, most violent people imaginable, so to see someone, especially someone as precious as you, live a completely normal life, naive to the dangers he faces everyday? It's captivating! Of course, he can't follow you all day, he is a mafia boss after all, but he has enough people following you around and recording your every move that he doesn't need to! He's never been happier to be who his is than now.

Mafia boss! Charlie who thinks you're the most beautiful person in the world. You're a sweet little thing, too gentle and too unaware of the dangers around you for your own good. He loves everything about you, no matter how weird or embarrassing. He's content to watch you carefully for a couple months, but as time goes on, his need to feel our touch, to talk to you, to see you face to face is too much. He needs you. He needs you NOW. It doesn't help that you're so vulnerable and weak compared to him, with no knowledge of weaponry or stealth to keep you safe. What if someone were to try and hurt you? Of course, his goons wouldn't let that happen, not if they wanted to keep their organs, but he would feel so much better if he could keep an eye on you personally. Not to mention, every mafia boss needs a spouse, and some of his higher ranking associates have been hinting that it's about time he found someone...

Mafia boss! Charlie who immediately starts planning your "transfer" to his house, meticulously drafting out every last detail to secure your safety. He chooses his best, most skilled employees to carry out his plan, only the best for his darling, and sends them out to bring you "home". That day you come home from work, completely unaware of the people in your apartment, completely unaware of the sleeping pills dumped into your water while you weren't looking.

Mafia boss! Charlie who's ecstatic to finally have you with him, to finally have someone to hold, to talk to, to love. He brings your unconscious body to your new room, laying you softly on the bed while instructing his employees to pack up all your belongings and bring them to him. He doesn't tie you down or chain you up, he has enough security measures in place to make sure you won't be able to escape. You won't even be able to leave your room without him being notified.

Mafia boss! Charlie who watches the camera in your room as you wake up for the first time in your new home, confused and disoriented. All of your stuff is here, but this is NOT your apartment. Where are you? He watches as you start to freak out, guilt flashing through him for the first time in his life. He doesn't want you to be scared, he just wants to keep you safe!

Mafia boss! Charlie who sends one of his gentler employees into your room to explain everything, too afraid of scaring you even further by showing up himself. He waits a few days before revealing himself to you, when your terror has calmed down and you've become more familiar with your surroundings. He kind of just stands there, unable to formulate a sentence, which is extremely unnerving to you. You've been told you're to be married to a highly respected and violent mafia boss, and here he is, just...staring. When he opens his mouth to speak, your surprised at how soft his voice is, calmly explaining to you that you're safe, you won't be hurt. He reaches out his hand to touch you, but recoils when you flinch, not wanting to push you.

Mafia boss! Charlie who does everything he can to make you more comfortable and less afraid of him, getting you anything and everything you've ever shown interest in, giving you as much space as you need, and letting you roam the rather large house freely. All you can't do is leave. He doesn't understand why you're still so scared, sure he's a criminal, but he promised he would never hurt you!

Mafia boss! Charlie who gets more desperate for your love as time goes on. He starts appearing in whatever room your in, softly talking to you about his day or about whatever you're doing, trying to get you to be more comfortable with him. Once you've gotten used to that, he starting slowly initiating physical contact, holding you in his arms like he's never going to let you go (because he won't). He tried his hardest not to push your boundaries, but eventually his need to be near you becomes too great. Rest assured though, he would never, ever dream of hurting you or purposely scaring you.

Mafia boss! Charlie who can't get enough of the feeling of your skin on his. He starts hugging/cuddling you whenever he can, holding you like you'll break if he presses too hard. He's always near you, cuddling up to you while telling you about how much he loves you, adoration shining in his eyes. He's the clingiest at night though, whispering sweet nothings into your ear as you fall asleep, him watching over you until he succumbs to his own tiredness. And his kisses? They are the softest, fluffiest thing you've ever felt. He cannot get enough of your lips, and he always kisses you passionately, like you'll disappear once he separates from you. With how loving and gentle he is, it doesn't take long for you to start loving him back.

Mafia boss! Charlie who starts giving you more privileges the farther you fall into stockholm. He'll even start taking you out in public on dates once he thinks there's no chance of you trying to escape him. He'd be able to find you if you did, he has many, many connections, but he trusts you won't. He loves going out with you and doing normal, coupley things with you, it's a nice break from his usual, violent life.

Mafia boss! Charlie who is insanely protective of you, never leaving you alone in a room with anyone except for himself. He knows how dangerous it is to be associated with him and now that he has you, he refuses to let anything happen to you. Any rival who attempts to hurt, kill, or kidnap you is met with Charlie himself, who enacts the most brutal, torturous death he can possibly think of on them. Nobody will come close to hurting you, he'll make sure of it. But no matter what happens, he'll always make sure you're far, far away from the violence. He never wants to subject you to the horrors he's seen (and done).

Mafia boss! Charlie who feels awful the first time you hear him raise his voice. It wasn't at you of course, he would never, ever think of yelling at his darling, you just happened to be in the room when he was meeting with one of his associates. It's scary seeing him yell, threatening brutal acts of violence on his own employee, and for the first time you realize how different he is with others than he is with you. He's quick to shut the meeting down once he realizes you're there, spending the rest of the night apologizing to you and assuring you he would never speak to you like that. This'll be the first time he truly opens up about what his job is like and why he has to be as cruel as he is, trying to help you understand why he behaved the way he did. It's difficult for him to make himself vulnerable, but he'd gladly to it if it meant easing your mind. From then on, he makes absolute sure you aren't around whenever he has to take care of business. He refuses to let you see him like that ever again.

Mafia boss! Charlie who never lets you forget how much he needs you in his life. You're the only thing keeping him from devolving into insanity, he wouldn't know how to handle himself if you were gone. He'll give you everything and anything if you listen to him and stay by his side, so please... please don't try to leave him.

Not that you would be able to, anyway.

[cera-writes]

Requesting Nightcrawler with a mutant who prefers animals to people. They tolerate and later fall for Kurt because he treats everyone and everything around him with gentleness and genuine care.

A/N: thanks for requesting this! I think we can all agree Kurt is a huge lover of animals <3 Pairing: Kurt Wagner x gn!reader Tags: Introvert/extrovert friendship, developing feelings, mutual respect, empathy, animal communication, feeling like an outsider, found family

Kindred Spirits

The Danger Room hummed as it deactivated, the acrid tang of burnt wires filling the air. You sank against the deactivated training bot, massaging your temples. Another grueling session of hand-to-hand combat left you feeling drained. You weren't built for close-quarters fights. Your mutation, while interesting, wasn't exactly combat-oriented. You could converse with animals, understand their thoughts and emotions. A skill that, you often felt, was wasted in the X-Mansion's focus on battle.

A soft thud caught your attention. Nightcrawler perched on the bot beside you, his tail swishing gently. "Rough session?" he asked, his voice laced with concern that felt genuine, a rarity amongst the boisterous X-Men.

You shrugged, a low sigh escaping your lips. "It's not my forte." Truthfully, it wasn't just the fighting. You yearned for the quiet companionship of animals, a yearning your fellow X-Men didn't quite understand. They found solace in training, in the camaraderie of shared experiences. You craved the solitude of the woods, the gentle understanding of a curious deer or a wise old owl.

Nightcrawler tilted his head, his yellow eyes filled with empathy. "I understand," he said softly. "Sometimes, the chaos can be overwhelming. Even for someone who thrives on it."

You glanced at him, surprised. "You get it?"

"Of course," he chuckled, a sound like wind chimes. "Being different can sometimes make you feel like you don't belong. But that doesn't make you any less valuable."

His words struck a chord. You'd always felt like an outsider, more comfortable deciphering the chirps of sparrows than the banter of humans. Yet, there was Nightcrawler, a walking embodiment of "different," accepting you with open arms.

The following weeks saw an unexpected friendship blossom. You found yourself drawn to Nightcrawler's quiet gentleness. He wasn't just kind to people, but to everything around him. You watched him patiently soothe a scared kitty in a back alley, his voice a soothing murmur that calmed even the most agitated beast. He spoke to stray dogs on the city's streets, his words eliciting happy tail wags. You, the introvert, found yourself drawn out of your shell, enjoying the quiet conversations you shared with him, the gentle teasing tinged with a genuine respect that warmed your heart.

One afternoon at the park, you found him by the koi pond, his blue form a stark contrast to the vibrant fish. You approached hesitantly, your voice barely a whisper. "What are you doing?"

He looked up, a smile gracing his pointed features. "Just admiring the silence," he said, gesturing to the fish. "They have such a peaceful energy, don't they?"

You sat beside him, drawn to his peaceful aura. You confessed your introversion, your longing for the quiet companionship of animals. The words that usually felt awkward tumbled out easily, unburdened by judgment.

He listened intently, his expression filled with understanding. "Many find strength in crowds," he said softly, "but there's nothing wrong with finding solace in solitude. It's a different kind of strength, but strength nonetheless." He met your gaze with his warm yellow eyes. "And your ability to connect with animals," he continued, "that's a gift, Mein Freund. It shows a depth of empathy most people can only dream of."

His words filled you with a newfound sense of confidence. For the first time, you saw your introversion not as a weakness, but as a strength. And your connection with animals, a skill often scoffed at by others, was a gift.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting long shadows across the pond, you leaned your head against his shoulder, a silent gesture of gratitude. He didn't need words. His smile, warm and genuine, spoke volumes. In that quiet moment, you realized you weren't alone. You had found a kindred spirit, someone who understood your need for solitude, someone who saw the beauty in your differences, someone who, just like you, possessed a heart that resonated with the quiet whispers of the natural world.

A wistful look crossed Nightcrawler's face as he spoke of his past. "Back at the circus," he said softly, "I used to spend hours with the animals. They never judged me for my appearance. We understood each other in a way most humans couldn't."

You reached out, placing a hand on his arm. A silent understanding passed between you, a shared love for creatures who offered companionship without judgment. In that quiet moment, you realized you weren't alone. Not anymore.

[depravitycentral]

General Yandere! Jin Bubaigawara Profile

Yandere! Jin Bubaigawara x fem! reader

Tw: kidnapping, stalking, mentions of masturbation, mentions of non-con, mentions of murder, threats, slight emotional manipulation, Jin is a creep and goes through your stuff, breaking and entering, mentions of horrible men who don't respect women (not our lovely Jin), brief mention of strip clubs, mental breaks/Jin's Splits, fem reader, MDNI

I do not condone any of the actions described in this post - this is fiction and should be treated as such. If you or a loved one is in a similar situation to anything contained in this post or my blog in general, please seek help. You're in charge of your internet consumption; please make responsible choices. With that, enjoy!

WC: 11K

DARLING PROFILE:

Perceptive

More than anything, Jin looks for a darling that can understand him.

He so desperately craves a human connection full of trust and caring, and having a darling who is able to read him like a book would be absolutely perfect.

He needs someone who is able to tell at a glance what he’s thinking – not getting bogged down by the multitudes of personalities shining through at any given time and instead seeing what the real him is feeling.

He craves someone who can offer him a sense of normalcy, someone who can make him feel like less of a freak, like less of a fuck-up, more like a real man. He grows attached to a perceptive darling quickly, feeling at ease in a way that he normally doesn’t.

They’re just perfect – he feels like he can be himself, letting himself be truly authentic and truly Jin.

It’s a luxury he’s nearly never afforded, his darling creating a safe space for him without even realizing it – something he’s beyond grateful for, and something that keeps him running back to his darling at every turn because it feels so damn good to just let himself go and not hold himself back.

It’s wonderful, and as soon as his darling displays this quality, Jin is helplessly, hopelessly hooked.

Sweet

At his core, Jin is a good person who’s made many bad mistakes.

He’s not a bad person by nature – and as a result, Jin finds himself attracted to people who are similar to him. He wants someone who is genuinely a good person – someone who is nice, sweet, someone who’s heart is generally positive and full of happiness.

And Jin particularly likes when this trait is aimed at him – compliments melt his heart. As soon as the words slip off his darling’s lips, Jin’s gaping at them, his heart racing in his chest and his face feeling hot because when was the last time he was complimented?

 When was the last time someone praised him, the last time they smiled at him like that, the last time they seemed so genuinely happy to see him?

It doesn’t feel real when he first meets his darling, his interest immediately peaked because god, it really feels like they see him, like they understand him.

 It’s euphoric in many ways, leaving his skin prickling in excitement and his stomach fluttering in nerves and pride.

A sweet darling is ideal for him – because even as his obsession festers and his behavior becomes more and more extreme, a darling who remains kind to him will only fuel this infatuation, only pushing him to try harder to win them over, to become more and more desperate to have them as his, just as he begins daydreaming about.

It’s just perfect for him – and he’ll do his absolute best to return the favor, complimenting his beloved as often and as honestly as he can, even if the compliments are more disturbing than flattering.

Calm

Jin needs a darling that can handle his Splits. He needs someone who is not only patient with him, but is also able to take the things he throws at them in stride, not even blinking when Jin falls into a particularly nasty split that’s got him spouting nonsense and panicking.

They need to be able to be calm and help them, assessing the situation and knowing exactly how to talk him down from the episode, to keep him breathing steadily and hold him so that he stays oriented.

He needs a darling that can handle the way his mouth doesn’t seem connected to his brain – random words spilling from his lips that sometimes embarrass him.

When a personality reveals something embarrassing that Jin did as a way to get closet to you, his darling needs to be able to calmly respond, to assess the situation and hopefully come to the conclusion that it’s not true, that there’s absolutely no way that Jin would do something so crazy and strange.

And yet, a calmer darling will be absolutely shocked when they learn that all of the things Jin had divulged without meaning to are true – all of it, down to the stolen socks and stalking to the graphic dreams and preparations of his apartment to make it seem a little more like his darling’s – a little more like them.

A calmer darling is ideal for Jin because he’s simply too excitable and tightly strung to not have a calm darling.

Oblivious

A darling that doesn’t notice the multitude of red flags in his behavior would make Jin’s life much, much easier.

A darling that is oblivious or perhaps blinded by their positive assumptions about people would work in Jin’s favor, because it would allow him to push the boundaries just a bit, just as he does without meaning to, all without having to explain the slip-ups he makes, all without having you grow scared by the way he seems to become more and more present in your life.

He needs a darling who doesn’t realize just how deeply Jin has invaded their life – so they can’t run before he manages to ensnare them, so they can’t leave him and abandon him like he’s so afraid they will.

Plus, there’s something endearing about this trait that Jin just can’t shake.

It makes him feel like a protector, making it easier to convince himself that his darling needs him to be around in order to safely function, to not be taken advantage of by some creep with bad intentions.

It makes justifying his actions much, much easier, lessening the small sense of guilt that eats away at him, lessening the insecurity that pushes him to draw back every once in a while, convinced that he’ll never be good enough for his precious lovely darling.

An oblivious darling would allow him to operate with less secrecy and fear, something that Jin is grateful for. Plus, they’re just so damn cute – cute enough to eat.

GENERAL YANDERE TRAITS:

Clingy

Once Jin’s feelings for you take root, it’s over.

He’s so broken and lost, quite literally unsure of his place in the world, his purpose, himself. And so once you step into his life, with your pretty face and even prettier voice that says the nicest, most caring things to him, Jin’s reaction is nearly out of his control.

How can he not become absolutely, utterly enraptured with you when you’re so kind to him?

When you smile at him like that, all teeth and appled cheeks and this sparkle in your eye that he can tell isn’t forced, how can he not find himself swooning? How can he not be smitten with you when you look at him like he’s a person, like he’s worth something, like he has value and isn’t just a waste of space?

It’s euphoric, something that makes his pulse race and his cheeks tinge pink, and so of course he’s desperate to spend time with you, to be in your presence and soak up every ounce of you that he possibly can. In the beginning, when his feelings are freshly formed and still having some semblance of normalcy, Jin’s too shy to directly ask you to be with him.

He’ll struggle to look you in the eye, rubbing the back of his neck and letting his gaze flick to you every few seconds as he mumbles out a rushed, awkward, so um, I was uh, wondering if you’d like to see that new movie this weekend…

It’s hard to hear and you’ll ask him to repeat himself, only furthering his embarrassment and making him wince because obviously you’re going to say no – you’re too pretty and smart and sweet for him, why would you ever say yes to a washed-up criminal like him? But before he can even get the chance to respond, he’s blurting out a let me take ya to the theater, yeah? We can get seats in the back where it’s just the two of us.

He’s mortified, immediately clasping a hand over his mouth and his eyes going wide; he didn’t mean it like that! Well, okay, maybe he did, and maybe the idea of being a dim, warm place with comfortable velvet seats and sugary drinks with his body pressed right next to yours is incredibly enticing and enough to make him salivate and pant like some fucking dog –

Except you’ll still say yes, because at this point Jin’s infatuation – while still painfully obvious – seems like just a crush. He’s awkward and flustered around you, but that’s kind of endearing and sweet, isn’t it?

A fully grown man – and one who’s seen more horrors than you can imagine – is bashful over you?

It’ll have you looking past the way that he always seems to show up at the places you frequent, that same nervous and hopeful look on his face as he scans the crowd for your familiar figure.

It’ll have you looking past the way he puts his hand on your back and keeps it there for much, much too long, never moving downwards but always staying firm, as if he’s glued to you, as if separating himself from you is physically painful.

It’ll have you looking past the way he begs you to share just one more glass of cheap booze, telling you that it’s good for you, that it’ll help you relax and destress from that job of yours that you hate.

(Plus, you look so damn cute when you’re tipsy – all clumsy and giggly, your inhibitions lowered so that you don’t notice when his gaze lingers on you for just a beat too long, when his hand skims across your thigh, when he leans in much too close and inhales much too loudly.)

You’ll write off most of Jin’s clingy behaviors with a wave of your hand and an excuse that it’s simply how he processes his trauma. And it’s true, to some extent. Except you don’t know the full extent – you don’t know how he follows you home every night, trying his best to stay quiet as he lurks in the shadows, making sure no one approaches you on your commute back to the quaint little apartment he’d give absolutely anything to share with you.

You don’t know the way he borrows small items of yours, keeping them on his ragged nightstand next to the bare mattress he sleeps on, your hair clips and toothbrushes kept as pristine and safe as he possibly can.

(He’ll pick them up with trembling fingers, scared that even simply touching something of yours will break it, yet simultaneously thrilled that he has something of yours, something of an angel’s.)

You aren’t aware of the way he fantasizes about you constantly, imagining everything from linking your pinkies together to burying his face between your legs. (And in vivid, vivid detail, too – even going so far as to mimic your voice and sit on his own hand so that it'll go numb, just like some teenage boy.)

You’ll write it off, but Jin sees this as permission to push further, to try harder, to test the boundaries of your ‘friendship’ as far as he can without you growing suspicious. He’ll pull you into hugs with higher frequency and longer times, keeping you pressed against his body while he buries his face into your neck and tries not to moan at the smell of you.

He’ll spam your phone with text after text, conveying conflicting messages that showcase just how little control over himself and his split personalities where you’re concerned.

(You’ll have to turn off your ringer permanently with him around – he will drive you insane, the buzzing noise and the obnoxious little bring making you lose your mind. He texts you day and night, your peaceful sleep interrupted with the notification of fifty unread texts from him, ranging from single sentences to near paragraphs.)

He’s not exactly subtle, and while you’ll cling to your excuse of him just being lonely and struggling to cope with his past, eventually you’ll have to realize that Jin isn’t just using you to help him work through his previous experiences – no, he wants more.

He wants you. He needs you, to a degree where his every waking thought revolves around you, and most of his dreams do, too. He’s clingy and needy and always, always demanding your attention, and eventually you’ll find yourself nearly ripping your hair out because you just can’t seem to get a moment of privacy around the blond, his eyes always watching you and his fingers always itching to reach out and touch, to press against your skin, to make sure that you’re real and present and with him.

He just needs the reassurance that you won’t leave him, that you’ll stay with him, that you’ll always be with him – you keep him from splitting after all, and how could he ever thank you?

By being your personal watchdog and eagerly completing each and every request of yours, no matter how depraved or inhumane and dehumanizing. Anything for you.

Obsessive

Tying hand in hand with his clinginess, Jin finds himself drowning in a sea of you once his feelings form. He finds himself so overwhelmed with all the warring desires in his heart – he wants to see you, his fingers twitching and itching to set his eyes on you, to be in your presence and bask in you you you.

But he also wants to spend time laying on his dingy mattress, his eyes closed as he mentally lists all of the things he loves about you, all the things that leave him breathless and blushing and reaching out towards you with trembling hands.

He wants to speak with you, to maybe make you laugh and hear that wonderful laugh of yours all because of something he said, but he’s also too afraid to instigate conversations with you because he’s worried he’ll somehow fuck up and scare you off.

(And just the mere thought of that gets him in a cold sweat, hands gripping at his blond hair and his eyes squeezing shut, lips moving like lightning as he repeats the mantra that you want him you want him you want him… Splits caused by his doubt for your feelings for him are always the worst – they last longer, they leave a more harrowing impact, and – worst of all – he’s so distracted by his feelings that he loses all awareness of his surroundings. He’s no longer aware of the vase nearby, knocking into it and sending the thing shattering against the floor, the sound and the feeling of glass shards pricking at his feet not even pulling him out of his stupor.)

He’s a mess in every meaningful way, and yet the only thing he can regularly, consistently bring himself to do is amass more and more information about you. You’re his own personal drug; one that calms him slightly, that makes him feel more whole – thinking of you is the only thing that can keep him focused, and this manifests itself in many ways.

Mainly, Jin takes to stalking you very, very early on. He’s simply too intrigued and attached to not follow you home, unwilling to let you out of his sight for even a few seconds. He’s worried for your safety, sure, because he’s sure that a sweet, lovely thing like you could never defend yourself should a villain confront you, but that’s not why he’s trailing you in the shadows like some loser, like some freak.

No – the real reason is much more depraved, sadder and more pathetic than Jin himself would like to admit. It’s really because with every moment he watches you, he learns more and more about you.

Each night that he trails you home from work, he’s learning enough things to fuel his dreams that night – you avoid sidewalks with people when it’s late at night, preferring instead to cross the street so that you won’t pass them.

(Not that he’d let anything happen to you – he’d kill whoever laid a finger on you. He’d start by punching them, getting them to the ground and sinking his fist against their cheek and jaw again and again and again, then wrap his fingers around their neck and squeeze, feeling the way they’d wheeze and choke and desperately grapple at this fingers, begging him to save their worthless life. Begging with that same voice that they could’ve been calling out lewd and inappropriate things to you in, touching him with those hands that he’s sure they would’ve used to touch you, to taint and mar your pretty skin and leave you scared and trembling and shaking and needing someone like Jin to come and rescue you –

The man would be dead before Jin knows it, his lip caught between his teeth because although killing someone doesn’t necessarily feel good, there’s something pleasant swimming in his gut because now this person will never, ever get near you again.)

He learns that you always stop to look at pretty window displays, the glittering Christmas lights and decorations making you twinkle in turn, the colors shining against your skin and clothes in a way that makes Jin swear you’re an angel, as if you’re a personal piece of heaven just for him, no matter how undeserving he may be.

He learns that you keep your spare apartment key under your welcome mat, always fishing it out before you slip into your apartment. Your apartment, which he’s visiting numerous times – enough times that if he had to, he could navigate with his eyes closed. He’s poured through every square inch of your home – digging through drawers and marveling at each little trinket he can find, no matter how mundane.

He rifled through your kitchen drawer last month, noticing with baited breath that you have a variety of spices in your cupboard – you must like your food well-seasoned. He’s not a very good cook, but for you, he could be – and all too soon images of you leaning close to him, your lashes fluttering and your eyes sultry as you eat the bit of food off his outstretched fork, making a show of swallowing and telling him that his cooking is so good Jin, you’re so wonderful for me…

He’d also found a pair of scissors, something that’d made his brows furrow in worry because although he trusts that you’re responsible, it still makes him nervous for you to have something like this laying around your house – something that could easily cut you, something that has the potential to hurt you.

He’s gone through each and every piece of silverware you own, looking at each fork and knife and gulping, his cheeks red as he thinks of the way you’ve used these pieces of metal – your lips and tongue have pressed against the material, your saliva coating the fork’s prongs, the slurping and sucking noises you make as you eat the soup off of your spoon.

He’ll gulp, looking around your empty apartment, then quickly shove the fork into his mouth, his eyes practically rolling to the back of his head because although you’ve washed it, he swears the fork tastes like you – and isn’t this almost a form of an indirect kiss? Aren’t his lips touching something yours has, his tongue rubbing and caressing the prongs just as yours might have?

(The thought leaves his knees weak, his pants unbearably tight, the fork clutched tightly in his fist as he wills himself to stay strong, to keep going and not crumple to a ball in the middle of your kitchen and fuck his fist like he so desperately needs to.)

He’ll sit on your couch, his breath uneven as soon as the soft cushions rest below him, his muscles tense and tight because he’s seen you sit here, watched as you laughed and roared at some television show, your pretty body molding to the couch’s cushions, your pajamas looking so cute and adorable and sexy on you.

His hands idly run over the couch fabric, his Adam’s Apple bobbing because oh, you’ve touched this before, haven’t you? He’ll meander into your bathroom, fingering your towels and letting his tongue slip over his lips, internally debating if it’s really such a good idea, if it’s crossing a boundary, if it really wouldn’t hurt…

And soon he’s stepping into your shower, the hot water (set to the temperature he knows you like) cascading down his nude body. He’ll open each of your shower products and eagerly smell them, something like a strangled groan slipping past his lips with each smell. He’s using your hair care products, lathering himself in your body wash, using your loofah and even using your razor, just because he wants the full experience of you, to be as close to you as possible given your current absence in the apartment.

And of course he’ll be using the towel once he’s finished – your towel, the one that still smells like you and has a strand or two of your hair sitting so perfectly and neatly on it.

(Jin picks up the hairs in awe, swallowing and bringing the hair up, his tongue brushing against the strand, his teeth clenching down as he chews at it.)

He wants to touch your toothbrush (so badly that it nearly hurts), but he stops himself, deciding that he should save that honor for when you’re sharing a toothbrush, when you’re with him every morning and night.

And of course, he’s tiptoeing into your bedroom, his eyes going wide and his nostrils flaring because oh god, it smells exactly like you and he thinks he might faint because it feels like you’re really here with him, like you’re by his side and hugging him and he’s surrounded by you you you.

He’s mostly respectful – or at least, as much as a man breaking-and-entering into your apartment can be, avoiding your underwear drawers despite the voice in his head urging him to snatch a pair of panties.

(The sexy ones, you know ‘em – the lacy black ones, the ones you were thinkin’ of last night when you jerked off so many times you were shootin’ blanks.)

He’ll open your closet, whistling at the sight of all your clothes. He’ll try on as many things as he can, hoping that things will fit him, always careful to hang them back up exactly as he found them, though a small part of him hopes that you can smell him on the clothing, that you’ll be reminded of him and be comforted. He’ll sit on your bed, breath hitched as he feels the way the mattress sags under his weight, before laying down slowly.

He’d showered that morning and was suddenly thankful for it – he wouldn’t want to sully your comforter with any dirt or grime. He’ll even dare to get under the covers for a moment, letting his eyes flutter closed as he imagines laying with you, spooning you with sunlight streaming in through the window, feeling your body (nude, of course, because he sleeps nude and all couples should sleep without clothing, yes?) against his and relishing in the smell of your hair and the nape of your neck.

All the while, Jin is noticing and mentally cataloguing every little detail he can process while in your apartment – the color scheme, what photographs you have up, what decorates your walls, whether there’s dirty clothes on your floors or bed or if you’re perfectly clean. Because really, everything is important – every little scrap of knowledge he can glean about you feeds the insatiable desire he harbors for you, this uncontrollable urge to be with you at all moments of the day.

This satisfies him, for now – it’s enough for the time being to be living as your shadow, but soon he’ll want to be by your side, hearing you say his name and feeling your soft hands touching him.

And he’ll do absolutely anything you tell him – all with an eager nod and a franticness to his actions that would leave him wildly embarrassed if it was anyone other than you.

Anyone other than the woman he’s hopelessly infatuated with – the one he'd get on his knees and literally beg for, even just for a simple glance his way.

Gentle

As a general rule, Jin absolutely does not want to hurt you.

Despite his status as a villain, he’s caring and soft to almost a debilitating degree, the notion of violence often necessary but not something he actively pursues. And so, of the small list of people in this world that he cares about, he would never purposefully harm any of them – and because you sit smack at the top of that list, this sentiment is only more extreme.

He thinks of you as perfection, idolizing you in every possible way, and so to even entertain the idea of leaving any sort of physical or emotional damage to you makes Jin physically ill, a Split oncoming as his stomach heaves, his head feeling dizzy and light as panic engulfs him. He absolutely does not want to harm you or upset you in any way, and this ultimately results in Jin being a yandere who is neither harsh nor patronizing, but rather simply gentle.

He treats you like an absolute queen; though he’s in a financial position that makes legally procuring gifts for you a little trickly, Jin goes out of his way to try and provide you with everything and anything he can to make you happy.

Before kidnapping you, this looks like buying you small, simple little token gifts – a small, modest bouquet of flowers (bouquet being a stretch – more often than not it’s just a single flower that he himself plucked from the ground, keeping the flower safe and preserved on his journey to find you – searching your most frequently visited locations, of course, and tapping into the tracker he'd managed to get Skeptic to install into your confiscated phone).

It looks like him offering to treat you to dinners and lunches, always at places that are within his price range (because stealing food in front of you would be a tacky move and although he can’t keep the façade of his occupation away from you forever, he’d like you to think of him as a dignified man), with greasy tables and even greasier meals, dingy lighting and seats with duct tape holding the leather booths together.

It’s not much, but it’s all Jin can offer you – and he does so with the most heart-melting, hopeful smile, his eyes soft and this look of utter vulnerability scrawled across his face that’ll have you giving in almost immediately, agreeing to getting lunch with him despite the way that his blatant staring bothers you.

(As does the way he leans in and inhales deeply when your back is turned. You can hear the breathing, the strange gulping sound that follows, and although it makes the bad kind of shivers race up your spine, you don’t bring it up with him.)

And once he’s stolen you away, that façade of being a dignified man is up – he’s still spoiling you, even more so than before your forced captivity with him, but now he doesn’t feel that he has to pay to spoil you. Now, he can steal your favorite things – because really, anything is worth seeing your smile light up your whole face when he brings home that expensive pastry he knows you love.

(The sweet is perfectly preserved, not a single wrinkle in the pretty, ornate parchment paper it’s wrapped in, nor is any portion of the sweet itself squished. He’d paid extra care to keep everything perfectly in-tact – perfect for you, because anything less than that would be an insult to his love for you.)

He’s bringing home all sorts of movies for the two of you to watch together, his hand slowly inching to your thigh as you sit side by side on his shitty old couch, the television on but all his attention focused on trying to be subtle about showing you just how badly he needs to touch you. He’s trying his best to get your favorite foods every night, getting you a few new clothes (and some of his own – he’s got a few sweatshirts that he will be forcing you into wearing, the sight of you in his clothing making his face scarlet and his face buried in his hands, his lip caught between his teeth as he tries and fails to compose himself because god, you look so good and it looks so fucking right to see you in something of his.)

Really, while Jin knows that he can’t buy your love and acceptance of his feelings, he’s desperate for any sort of help to get you moving that way. Any aid he can enlist in helping spark and develop any sort of reciprocation of his obsession with you is eagerly used, hope springing up inside his chest that maybe, just maybe, if he can make you happy enough you’ll forget that he’s a criminal, that he’s kidnapped you, that you’ve found out about all the stalking and stealing used socks and living in your apartment while you weren’t home.

He’s hopeful that all his hard work will pay off – you’ll see him as a man who really, truly loves you, even if he doesn’t deserve you.

God, he’ll never deserve someone like you – but he’ll never stop wanting you, either.

DEALING WITH RIVALS:

In general, Jin’s jealousy stems less from a place of selfish possessiveness and more from a place of insecurity and genuine worry for your safety.

Jin is more than aware that he’s not your ideal man – he’s a criminal with deaths to his name, renting a shitty apartment he can barely afford, riddled with mental health issues stemming from his quirk, and perpetually smelling like cigarettes. He’s very aware that if you were left to your own devices, you’d never pick him – and he can’t blame you, honestly. He’s a loser, a grown man with so many voices inside his head that he can’t keep track of them, and if he were a woman as pretty, sweet, and smart as you, he’d choose someone more successful, wealthier, more stable, just better.

And so, when he sees another man interact with you, his initial thought is that this is it – you’ll like this man more than you like Jin.

Maybe he’s funnier and wittier, or maybe he’s charming and suave with his words, two things that Jin himself certainly isn’t. Maybe he’s more attractive – without a nasty scar down the center of his forehead, or maybe you prefer brunettes like him, or maybe he’s taller.

Regardless, insecurity immediately eats away at Jin, forcing him to notice all of the things that man does better than him, all of the things that could pull your attention and feelings – whatever those may be – away from Jin and instead towards this stranger.

And while he initially feels that this is true, that this is the natural course of things and it’s how it should be, the longer he watches the interaction, the less satisfied with that he becomes. He grows restless, his fingers twitching at his sides, his muscles tensing and flexing and urging him to do something, whether that’s interrupting the two of you or causing a large enough distraction to end whatever conversation you’re having. It’s nearly unbearable, an internal war raging the longer he watches on, his lips moving and all sorts of different arguments and urges slipping off his tongue.

Go interrupt them!

No, it would be wrong of me to insert myself into a conversation that I’m not a part of.

Fuck that, he wants to steal her! He wants to make her his own!

You don’t know that, you can’t claim something that extreme without any foundation to base it on!

You can see his face, you can tell he wants to fuck her – look at that, he’s practically undressing her with his eyes!

It goes back and forth, seeming to never end, until eventually Jin forces himself to turn around and walk away, the part of him that’s insecure finally winning out the longer he notices things that are simply better about this stranger. It’s torturous and makes him bit his lip so hard it draws blood, his steps labored and heavy, but it’s the right thing to do.

And if you respond to his texts later that night, Jin will know that you haven’t completely forgotten him – perhaps you’ve forgotten this stranger, though, because you’re choosing to respond to Jin’s texts, not his. And this idea makes a wobbly smile spread across Jin’s face, his thumbs typing away at his cracked phone, deleting and retyping over and over again as he tries to think of ways to keep the conversation going, wanting so very badly to keep talking to you and keep your attention on him.

However, although Jin is fairly complacent and non-confrontational when it comes to most of your interactions with other men, there are a few circumstances where he’s not nearly as controlled – that is, when Jin can tell that the man has bad intentions.

It’s one thing to see you talk with a man that clearly finds you attractive, but it’s an entirely different story when Jin can see the gun or knife glinting in the man’s pocket, or when he recognizes the man’s face as a petty criminal known for pickpocketing defenseless women. It’s in these circumstances where Jin’s face will harden up, his lips a thin, straight line as he approaches the both of you, butting his way in with an excited greeting aimed at you, his eyes cold as he stares the man down.

And frankly, most petty villains will recognize him – sure, he isn’t the most famous villain, but he’s still a member of the League, and the perpetrator will often make some excuse and scurry away, not wanting to stir up any trouble with the League over some stupid woman.

And though Jin won’t want to explain why the man fled so quickly, he’s absolutely smug that his mere presence was enough to deter the man from bothering you anymore. He’ll look at you with excited eyes, his cheeks lightly flushed, hoping and praying that you’ll compliment him, that you’ll praise him and thank him because really, you wanted the man to go away but you were too scared to do it yourself.

And maybe, just maybe, if he’s really lucky, you’ll even give him a peck on the cheek as a thanks, the feeling of your lips against his skin making his heart race, this strange half-whimper slipping from his throat because you’re so close that he can smell you, and it’s fresh and real this time – not just the residual scent of your pillow your towel.

It’s wishful thinking, but Jin likes being your guardian angel – he’s anything but an angel, really, but it makes him feel important, needed, good. Like he’s actually giving you something, instead of just taking and taking and taking.

This is wrong, and Jin knows it. He shouldn’t be here – the cute little café is a public space, sure, but there was absolutely no chance that he would’ve found himself here if he hadn’t been trailing you for the last thirty minutes.

And he’d enjoyed it – watching you walk, seeing how your hair flittered a little in the breeze, the sway of your hips (something he tried hard not to look at but still found his gaze wandering down to every few minutes, his cheeks growing pink and palm coming up to smack at his cheek).

But the moment you’d entered the café, Jin following a few steps behind, he knows something is wrong. Instead of sitting at your own table, you make a beeline to the larger wooden one by the window – the one where a man is already sitting. Jin sits at his own table, some twenty feet away, bringing a flimsy newspaper up to cover his face.

The man greets you with a smile, introducing himself, complimenting your outfit and even pushing your fucking chair in, and suddenly it becomes very apparent what’s happening.

You’re on a date. A fucking date. Jin feels his face slip, a deep frown etching its way onto his lips. It’s torture to listen to you; your voice is a little higher than usual, he notes, and something sharp wedges its way between his ribs.

You never speak to him with that kind of voice – does that mean you aren’t interested in him? Does that means you don’t like him? Don’t say stupid crap like that! Are you stupid? It’s probably true! He winces, knocking at his head with his hand as a feeble attempt to get the warring thoughts to stop.

The date goes well, as far as Jin can tell – conversation flows easily, and with every passing moment he finds himself growing more and more restless, the hopelessness beginning to take its toll. He wants to interrupt – badly, really, with every fiber of his being. But that wouldn’t be fair to you – you obviously seem to like this man, perhaps even more than you like Jin, as loathe as he is to say it, and what right does he have to take that happiness away from you?

It hurts him, yes, but if it means staying in your life and seeing you happy, even if it’s with another man, he’ll grit his teeth and not play dirty. Your happiness is top priority, after all – and as you leave the café, you and the man going your separate ways, Jin can only hope that you will not be receiving any calls or texts from the man, even as you happily give him your number. He’s still gripping his hands into tight fists, even as he begins trailing the man.

This sight is significantly less pleasant than when he follows you – he doesn’t mind looking at you, not when you’re all pretty and sweet and you seem so very innocent. But this man? Well, as he approaches a bar a few blocks away, Jin’s brow cocks up. A mid-afternoon drink seems a little strange, and as Jin steps inside the bar after the man, a small burst of pride blooms in his chest.

Because really, this is not just a bar – there’s a stage, at the far back of the establishment, with all sorts of different colored lights beaming down on the main act: a scantily clad woman leaning back on a pole, winking at a man sitting in the front row. Jin’s taken aback – surely this can’t be a good sign, right?

You didn’t need to be seeing any men who frequent strip clubs – and with the way the man immediately went up to the bar, ordering a shot and acting friendly with the bartender, Jin’s sure this isn’t the first time he’s visited.

With a smile, Jin decides that this is finally something that Jin is better at – he’s many things, sure, but he only has eyes for you and he’d never seek out the visual comforts of another woman.

And as Jin approaches the bar, ears perked up, anger brews in his gut. Yeah man, just wrapped up a date – girl’s awful, talking about her family and shit, who the hell wants to hear that? She’d look better if she just shut the fuck up.

Jin’s jaw is on the floor, rage swimming in his veins. How dare this man speak about you that way – as if you’re just some random woman, as if everything you say isn’t gospel, something worthy of being revered and paid the utmost attention to. How dare this man dismiss you like that – after you’d been so happy, after you’d thought the date had gone so well, after he’d asked for your number, for God’s sake.

And with that, Jin sinks into his jacket, closing his eyes and trying to subdue the urge to walk over and sock the guy across the face so hard that he spits out a few teeth. No, that wouldn’t accomplish anything except a few moments of satisfaction – no, Jin has to take more drastic measures, something that will ensure that you and your fragile little heart won’t be hurt by this horrible, disgusting man.

And so, as Jin slips away, it’s not so hard to send you a fake text from the man, asking if he can swing by your apartment.

And you, being flustered that your date had contacted you to fast and so eagerly of course say yes, inviting him over for dinner. Jin smiles down at the phone with a big, bashful beam, able to pretend for just a few moments that he was supposed to be the recipient of that text, that really it was him you were inviting over for a homecooked meal, then maybe a movie, then maybe you’d stay up and talk with him for hours, falling asleep in his arms and letting him hold you like he spend hours dreaming of.

(Or, if you’re feeling a bit frisky, perhaps you’d let him spread your legs and spend hours with his head trapped between them, your taste and smell clouding his senses as he brings you to your high over and over and over…)

It’s not hard to make a copy of the man, to get him at your apartment door, that same suave walk and the high cheekbones making you bashful as you open your apartment door. But then, the man sneers at you, looking you up and down just as Jin had instructed, scoffing under his breath and telling you that you’re even uglier the second time I see you. I just came by to tell you that I don’t wanna see you anymore – you’re not my type, you know? I like ‘em a little more interesting. But if you wanna fuck, I’d be more than happy to –

You slam the door in his face, chest heaving and tears pricking at your eyes, and although it nearly braks Jin’s heart, he closes his eyes and breaths deep, reminding himself that although hurting you is making every bone in his body feel brittle and about ready to snap, this is necessary.

It’s necessary because the man probably would’ve done worse if left to his own devices – if his conversation with the bar tender was any indication, you would’ve been used for your body and then unceremoniously dumped in the trash. And you deserve so, so much more than that – Jin is sure of it, and Jin can give you that if you’d just let him.

He gives you some time, sure that you’re sobbing behind the front door, and it’s only an hour or so later that he texts you (from his real number, of course) if you’d like to grab dinner. He’s equal parts nervous and ecstatic when you respond with a simple yes, already eager to get you distracted from that loser – and, perhaps, even manage to show you how much better Jin can treat you.

He's charming that night, on his best behavior, telling you all sorts of jokes and asking about things he knows you love to ramble on about, just wanting to hear your voice and watch your lips move. And soon, the guilt is totally washed away – because really, would you have ever been able to speak this freely with that man? Absolutely not. Jin may not deserve you, but at least he can treat you well – so why can’t you see that?

TAKING HIS DARLING AWAY:

Jin doesn’t want to kidnap you, but he will eventually reach a point where his anxiety, paranoia and profession leave him with no other choice. He’s fully aware that his obsession with you has grown to such astronomical proportions that it’s literally controlling his life, but he doesn’t seriously entertain the notion that you’re just as deeply in love and devoted to him as he is you.

(Obviously he likes to think that you are – pleasant daydreams star you with your lips pressed against his jaw as you tell him just how much he means to you, just how badly you want him, just how much you need him, but he’s always brought back to reality with a cruel slap, Dabi barking his name or an alarm clock going off and leaving him feel empty, alone, restless for you.)

He knows that he possesses a one-sided love for you, and in the beginning of his obsession, that was enough. It was enough to simply be seen by you – to have your attention on him if only for a few seconds, your smile and warm and inviting and genuine as you spoke to him. It was enough that he was a silent admirer, watching you from the shadows of your life and eagerly anticipating your next encounter, no matter how large or small.

It was enough, until suddenly it wasn’t. Suddenly Jin needed to have more contact with you – getting your phone number had been one of the most nerve-wracking things he’d ever done, his fear of rejection so incredibly high that it made his voice a bit scratchy and he’d almost stuttered, leaving him mortified but only more enamored with you when you just laughed and gladly filled out your contact information into his phone.

And that had been enough for a time, too – he could text you, sending you photos of the sunset that he spent five minutes trying to find the perfect camera settings and angles for, just so that he could send as good of a photo to you as possible and have you be impressed.

(He’d been hoping you’d even compliment him as a response, perhaps telling him that it’s so beautiful, Jin! You’re so talented at photography! Or, in an even more idealized world, you’d tell him how beautiful the stars are and then immediately follow that up with an offer to go star gazing, to spend the evening together curled up in some remote field staring up at the sky and using each other as body heat to stay warm in the cold night air.)

But then the texting and calling wasn’t enough – soon he needed more, and that’s when the stalking began. He’d follow you to work, then immediately return to your apartment and snoop around, touching everything and picking everything up just so that there was at least some memory of him on everything you own.

And this had to be enough – this was the furthest Jin could get away with without you noticing, without you cutting him out of your life completely once you realized just how truly deranged for you he was. 

But then somehow a hero finds out about you, and suddenly your position in his life is threatened, and Jin panics. He totally, utterly panics, a Split intense enough to bring tears to his eyes forcing him to rely on the one person he trusts more than any other soul on the planet: you.

He comes to you, babbling and going on about some sort of internal debate that you can’t follow, and as you try to calm him down, your words start slowly sinking into Jin’s psyche. You keep saying that you’re there, that you’ll always be there for you, I promise.

You’re pulling him into your side, a cloth bag placed over hie head while you rub at his arms and back, shushing him gently and even rocking him back and forth every so slightly. And so, as the Split slowly fades and he calms down, two things happen – one, you sigh in relief and hope that Jin has processed some of his emotions and will leave, and two, Jin hearing your words as a promise that you want him, that you need him, that you want to stay by his side for the rest of your life.

And so, in the aftermath of a horrible mental health episode, Jin decides that you’ve essentially given him permission to make sure you really are always going to be there for him, just like you said.

It’s not hard to sneak into your apartment that night, the chloroform soaked rag sitting underneath your nose in a way that made it difficult not to swoon over your adorable sleeping figure.

(Jin gulps and swallows as he stares at your limp body, his hand reaching out to very, very lightly brush his fingertips over the expanse of your clothed hip, wide eyes staring at you as if you’re some piece of art, something for him to keep and cherish and love.)

And when you wake up the morning, you’ll find yourself in a strange bedroom with a strange man who’ll spoil you rotten – even if you beg him not to, even if you say the only gift you want is to be let free.

As a captor, Jin isn’t too terrible – all those desires to spoil you and make you happy are still very much present within him even once he’s stolen you away.

In fact, if anything he’s even more desperate to get you smiling, to see you be happy and looking at him with anything other than fear and hate. Because really, after that Split that led to him kidnapping you calms down, Jin is only left with complete and utter regret – you’ll hate him now, he’s sure of it.

You’ll be afraid of him, thinking of him not as the sweet, funny, and harmless Jin you’ve come to know but instead a monster, a criminal capable of hurting you in more ways than one. And this kills him – he hates being looked at like he’s ruined your life, even if he basically has. And because of this, he decides that the only way to get you to slowly see him in a positive light again is if he makes your life with him as good as possible – if he spoils you, treats you like a queen, pampers you and cares for you with the level of devotion that you deserve.

And frankly, Jin is more than happy to give you this – he’s a worshipper through and through, already revering you like you’re something holy and in need of constant praise. He’ll outfit his dingy apartment the best that he can – there’s freshly stolen furniture in your favorite colors and fabrics, changed lightbulbs for his overhead lights work, a stocked refrigerator, a new mattress.

(Only one though, so you’ll still have to share with him – but don’t be too worried, because he won’t actively try anything without your explicit permission. At least, he won’t while he’s awake – when he’s asleep is an entirely different story, because that’s when his real desires come out, unchecked and uncontrolled as he grinds his hips against your ass, his little moans and whispers of your name as he presumably has a wet dream about you more than a little awkward to lie next to. Don’t mention it to him though, please – he can tell that his cum is staining his boxers, but he’s always hopeful that you slept through it all, that you didn’t notice the way he was probably trying to get stimulation, that you didn’t see just how depraved and desperate for intimacy he is.)

He’s getting you comfortable clothing; lots of sweatshirts and lounging pants, fuzzy socks and even a few hats for when the heating in the building goes out (as it often does).

(He really likes to see you in his clothing, of course, but Jin isn’t too terribly pushy – he’d be ecstatic if you willingly wore something of his, his face bright red and all sorts of things coming out of his mouth, but he’s really and truly pleased, a satisfied and smug feeling burrowing in his chest that’s difficult to hide. Sometimes he’ll even wear the new clothing first, making sure that it smells like him, before handing it off for you to hear, biting his lip and struggling to stay calm because god, you look so damn good in what he’d just worn, god you’re really here with him right now and looking at him and touching him and acknowledging him.)

He’ll stock up on all your favorite foods, paying special attention to making sure he has every snack under the sun. And while he does care about your health, when he’s buying you all these snacks, he’ll get absolutely anything you want, even if there’s so much sugar and such little nutritional value that it makes him nervous.

He can’t cook very well, but he’ll order takeout or swing by a restaurant and steal something for dinner, always loving the look of hunger and shy thankfulness as you bite into the meal he’s brought you, trying hard to ignore the way he’s blatantly staring at you and awaiting your approval.

And really, that’s another part of your captivity with him – the staring, the touching, the constant talking, the constant him. He’s always been clingy with you, but it’s even more so once he's got you trapped under his thumb. He always has to be looking at you, observing you and feeling like he’s a part of whatever you’re doing. He wants to see everything you’re up to – when you’re watching television, he’s watching you.

(And nervously playing with his fingers, like there’s something he wants to ask you but is afraid to, right up until he blurts it out, something crude and rude and it immediately makes him apologize, gripping at his hair a bit and telling you about how he didn’t mean it, oh man I promise I didn’t mean it!)

When you’re doing one of the puzzles he’d stolen to help keep you entertained while he was busy, he’s sitting on the other side of the table, those eyes of his glued onto your fingers as you try each piece, watching with rapt attention and marveling at how you slowly make progress, feeling smug and prideful because his girl is so smart.

When you’re stepping into the shower, you can see him out of the corner of your eye, not peeking at you but simply staring at the open doorway of the bathroom, his back facing the shower but his presence still suffocating you.

(He refuses to leave alone during showers, simply because he’s terrified that you’ll slip and fall, that you’ll crack your head open or accidentally swallow shampoo or any number of other wild, outlandish things. And, as he listens to the sound of running water, he’s hoping that one day he’ll get to join you – that one day you’ll be able to bathe together. He’ll run his fingers over your roots, massaging the shampoo into your hair slowly and deeply, your body pressed close to his as the water cascades down your back. He’ll have you lather up his body with that scented body wash you love, and maybe you’ll even draw shapes with the bubbles, press kisses to his naked chest or press yourself against him, whispering in your ear that you love him...)

Truly, Jin is not so bad – he's clingy and you’ll have absolutely no time to yourself, but he’s not too invasive. He doesn’t treat you like an incompetent child, and he at least tries to make you happy – he won’t push you into a physical relationship, not does he demean you in any purposeful way.

The only true negative with Jin (aside from your kidnapping in the first place, not to mention the stalking and hyper fixation) is that although he tries his best to control it, Splits are not pretty, and you’re always the one he comes to her help. When you’re around they happen significantly less often, his comfort level higher and his concentration wavering from his own identity crisis and instead towards you, just as his thoughts often do, but they still happen.

And when they do, he’s blindly searching for you, reaching out bleary, teary eyes and all sorts of babbles and rambles coming from his mouth, every muscle in his body tensing up as he clutches onto you, begging for you to help him, to please, please make me whole again, ‘m not sure what’s – what’s real.

And while you may hate Jin for kidnapping you, for occasionally breaking into your apartment while you’re asleep and watching you rest, for threatening others in your name, for keeping you safe and sound, you still can’t watch this. Somewhere buried inside the monster that stole you away is the Jin that you were friends with – and that’s the Jin you want to help, the one that’s driving you as you shove the paper bag down over his head, letting him engulf you in a nearly too-tight hug as he sobs and his shoulders shake.

It takes him a while to calm down, but as his grip grows tighter and he starts murmuring your name under his breath like a chant, he’ll slowly pull away, swallowing heavily and telling you that he loves you, that he needs you, that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And perhaps it’s Stockholm Syndrome, or perhaps you’ve simply gone crazy, but as time passes something about that sentiment will start becoming romantic to you, something that makes your heart race and gets your palms sweaty.

Because really, eventually you will end up playing out Jin’s fantasies – where the two of you are deeply in love, living together, sleeping together, bathing together, eating together, doing every possible thing in one another’s company because he simply can’t stomach the idea of being aware from you for any small amount of time.

It’s bliss, everything he’s ever dreamed of – and he’s willing to do whatever it takes to get there, even if it means acting like your slave just to see you smile at him once a while and give him any scrap of positive affection you can muster.

Anything at all.

PUNISHMENTS:

As a general rule, Jin worships you. He finds you to be absolute perfection – you’re beautiful and caring and patient, everything wonderful and nearly too perfect to even be real. You’re certainly too perfect for a fuck-up like him – and yet he wants you, in such a primal and raw way that he can’t hope to fight it.

You’re like air to him, and because he’s grown so attached to your praise and presence in order for his mental health to stabilize for a few moments, Jin can’t stomach the thought of punishing you.

You’re supposed to be happy with him – you’re supposed to be growing to love him, something that he works hard at every day that he has you trapped with him. He gets you flowers (they’re a little wilted and old, but they’re the best he can find), little chocolates (never quite in the flavors and styles you like, but as close as he can get), and tries to keep you happy and placated by having all your favorite things in the apartment.

And so, even more than being upset that you attempted to escape or hurt yourself, Jin can’t really fathom why you’d even bother doing something worthy of a punishment in the first place – are his efforts not enough? Is it not enough for him to run himself ragged trying to think of ways to keep you happy, to show you that despite having kidnapped you, he’s not an entirely bad person?

It’s demoralizing and sends him spiraling into a state of panic and confusion, leading to particularly bad Splits that get him ripping at his hair and frantically grabbing for something, anything, to stop the episode in its tracks.

And so, punishments aren’t common at all – with a few hard exceptions that he does, with time, deem as worthy of his punishments.

(Harming yourself is a large one, as is attempting to harm Jin. Most other things are fair game, and things that he understands why you’d do. But once there’s the question of safety, Jin’s hairs are standing on edge, worry eating him alive because he absolutely cannot have you bleeding or in pain or any number of horrible things.)

You’ll never, ever be physically harmed while with him – the mere thought makes him anxious enough that he feels like he’ll hurl, the images of you bruised and battered flashing behind his eyes and making him feel on edge, anger boiling up in his chest because he absolutely will not stand for you to be harmed in any capacity, whether by another person or by himself.

And he doesn’t even really like to emotionally punish you – he’s not the best manipulator in the world, and something about purposefully warping your mind makes him feel dirty, a grimy feeling that makes his skin crawl and that he wants to avoid at all costs. But sometimes, certain infractions – especially towards the beginning of your captivity – have to be addressed, the bad behavior in you stomped out before it can really take root.

And so, Jin relies on other methods to get these points across – that is, he decides to show you just how good you have it with him by taking some of that good away.

He’ll revoke your dinner privilege for a night, or showering privileges for a few days.

He’ll forbid you from listening to music by removing all electronic players in the apartment, his phone hidden on his person (and yours having been long destroyed, even from before he laid your unconscious body out on your bed, marveling at the sight of you and oh-so-gently brushing a strand of hair out of your face).

It doesn’t feel good, you being even minorly uncomfortable in any way a difficult a difficult sight, but Jin pushes through, his personalities arguing audibly but all eventually agreeing that showing you exactly what you do have is the best method to go about making you as happy as you possibly can be with him.

Besides, there’s something inexplicably satisfying about the moment that you finally admit that you need him, that as much as you hate the hell he’s created by kidnapping you and keeping you all for himself, you must rely on him if you want to survive.

And Jin is smug – finally, you’re starting to see that he can be good, that he’s really not the monster you’ve cracked him out to be. And as soon as the punishment is over, Jin is back to the ever-loving, clingy mess that he always is, desperate to be around you and get your attention.

Jin’s hurt, more than anything, when you lunge at him and swing your fist like you’re trying to punch him.

He stops you easily, of course, but there’s something about the look in his eyes that has you shrinking back, shame withering through your body because god, how can he look so genuinely heartbroken, so genuinely betrayed?

It’s silent for a few moments as he holds your wrist in place, his mind too distracted to even focus on the feeling of physical touch that you initiated, even if the intention was less than ideal. His voice is small when he asks you what you’re doing, hurt lacing his words as he asks why are you trying to punch me? Are you mad at me? What did I do?

And in a different voice, though still somber are you on your period?

And although you have a few choice words to spit at him, all kinds of answers popping into your mind immediately, there’s just something about the way he’s slumped over, shoulders drooping and defeated, the downturn of his lips and the soulful look in his eye that have you unable to speak, the words simply not rolling off of your tongue.

Jin waits for a moment, expecting a barrage of hatred to spew from you, but nothing comes. And so, with careful fingers and slow movements, he slowly lets go of your hand, watching with careful eyes for your next move.

When you don’t swing at him again, Jin takes a step back, the action looking like it physically pains him.

It’s late, we should get to bed. It’s silent again for a moment, but then he moves towards the couch.

Listen, I don’t want to be the bad guy, but tonight you’ve gotta, uh, you’ve gotta sleep here tonight.

You look at him like he’s a little crazy, and he sends you a sorry glance, that same hurt written across his features.

You’ve gotta understand that I’m trying to do what’s best for you, I promise! I know kidnapping you was wrong, but you’re here now and we’ve gotta make the best of it.

God get over it already! It’s already been a month!

You watch with wide eyes as he grabs the blanket off of the back of the sofa, folding it over his arm and gesturing to the furniture.

Sleep here, you’ve gotta learn that hurting me isn’t okay, and neither is hurting yourself so don’t you try anything!

I’ll sleep with an eye open, you hear?

The night is long without the blanket, the apartment’s heating out again as you shiver against the material, using the mangy couch cushions as a makeshift blanket. It’s horrible, and you roll over with a sigh, sure that you’ll never manage to fall asleep in this position but fully knowing that Jin would wake up if you tried to join him in the warm bed. Shutting your eyes and sighing, you again try to drift into sleep – unaware of the way Jin lays in the bed, staring across the room at you with fully awake eyes.

Watching you struggle is torture; he wants more than anything to get up and come bundle you up in the blankets, the sound of your clattering teeth and shivering audible even from his position. But he can’t – not if he wants you to learn your lesson.

Not if he wants you to understand that you absolutely cannot be trying to instigate violence between the two of you – you’re supposed to be a loving couple, happy with one another and perfectly content to live out the rest of your days together.

A punch doesn’t exactly fit that happy dream that Jin has whipped up, and although he knows it’s far off in the future, he fully expects it to become reality one day – you’ve just got to stop fighting it so hard.

And as morning arrives and you both lie in your respective places, neither of you having slept a wink, Jin decides it was worth it. Because when you get out of bed, crawling over to him and asking with that fucking look on your face if you can use the blanket or get in with him, he’s crumbling.

You’ve never asked before – you’ve never used the word ‘please’ with him since being kidnapped, and here you were now, asking him for a favor, politely, sweetly, like you actually appreciate him.

All he can do is stare dumbly at you for a few seconds, but then he’s sputtering out a yes and scotting over, opening up the sheets to expose the beaten-up white tank top he’s sporter and the boxer shorts. Immediately you jump in, the sudden warmth feeling heavenly on your chilled bones, but Jin can only shudder, the feeling of your body so close to his driving him crazy, your smell engulfing his senses and he swears he can even taste you.

He’ll pull you close, experimentally, and when you don’t fight it he’ll let out a slow, long breath, letting his hand rest on your side lightly, almost as if he’s afraid to touch you.

Almost as if you’re not real – and by extension that this sort of fondness you seem to be developing for him isn’t real either. But God, he hopes it is.

OVERALL DANGER:

5/10

Jin is not particularly dangerous.

Mostly, he’s just incredibly and overwhelmingly needy. He’s so sure that he’s not worthy of you, that you’re much too good for him that it causes him to overcompensate, to try much too hard to get you to like him, to get you to want him.

He’s always texting you, running into you at seemingly random places and times, always talking your ear off and looking so genuinely enraptured and intrigued when you respond to him that it’ll make you a little uncomfortable, the intensity in his eyes a bit scary.

He sees you as being something genuinely divine, his idolization of you terrifying in its sheer degree. He spends every free moment trailing behind you, always living in your shadow, pretending with a dopey grin that he’s actually living out your life with you, that you’re somehow aware of him stalking you, that you actually want him to be involved in your day to day life.

(And he only feels a little pathetic about this – his love for you and his intense desire to be recognized by you too strong to bar him from having some dignity and stopping this disturbing obsession.)

He’s always trying to interact with you, becoming addicted to hearing your voice and feeling your attention on him, becoming addicted to the feeling of protecting you, of being needed. And when he eventually snaps and steals you away, Jin only becomes more needy, trying desperately to compensate for the fact that he’s kidnapped you by spoiling you with any gift he can, respecting your privacy and autonomy, trying to keep you as happy as possible given your situation.

And really, while you’ll hate him at first, betrayed beyond belief and scared of this strange new person that seems to have replaced the Jin you knew, eventually you’ll slowly come around. You’ll start to realize just how truly pathetic he is, how he can’t help himself but want you and your attention, and although you’ll hate yourself for it, some part of you will be flattered by how badly he wants you.

Some part of you will be pleased that someone desires you so much that they’ve become such a mess, that they want to please you badly enough that they’re willing to throw their pride out the window for you. You’ll feel guilty and like you’re betraying yourself, but really it’s in your best interest to not fight this new development – because really, while Jin may seem a little scatterbrained and easy to manipulate, he’ll find you if you escape.

And he’ll find you remarkably fast – and although he still won’t hurt you upon your reunion, you’ll come to find that Jin has treated you very, very well. And when that’s suddenly taken away, you’ll find yourself wishing that Jin – your Jin, the one that would steal the stars and sky for you – was back, that he was with you and telling you just how beautiful you are.

You’ll slowly learn that you need him just as badly as he needs you, now – a sentiment that makes Jin beam so brightly that it nearly hurts.

[alexthebordercollie]

i'm always a sucker for the take that Ford does love kids, he's just not the best caretaker. i mean, he's immediately delighted to learn he's an uncle in tale of two stans, and he loves spending time with Dipper and Mabel, he's just kind of dense.

i think aus where he gets to be a dad with Fiddleford are so cute. and so interesting to see how he'd handle it. people always seem to forget what a softie he can be

Oh yes! It kind of bugs me how a lot of people act like Ford is cold when he really isn't. There are lots of little examples of him being an absolute sweetheart. He talks a big game about being logical and suppressing fear etc, but he's a deeply emotional person, and that comes through in his more personal journal entries. He's not some heartless robot. He loves sharing his joy and excitement with the people close to him. He craves human connection even though he's bad at it. He gets attached to weird little creatures like Shifty, he loves his niece and nephew and is genuinely happy to meet them. Not to mention Ford loves weirdness and creativity and kids are the weirdest most creative demographic of people out there.

I don't think Ford dislikes kids at all. I think his lack of emotional intelligence and tendency to be lost in his own world makes him a questionable caretaker. Not through apathy or malice, he's just kind of bad with kids. Making him a father is really interesting for this reason because I'm confident he'd love the shit out of his kids, but learning how to respond appropriately to their needs, keep them safe, and pay attention consistently when needed, would all be things he'd struggle with.

Ford also says as much in his journal that he didn't want to settle down and "start a family". I don't think he ever saw kids of his own as part of his future nor do I think he'd ever consciously choose to have them. That said these are the words of a young Ford with grand ambitions that children would have potentially gotten in the way of. I also think the way he shuts down the idea of "starting a family" is a response to the social pressure to get straight married which is also not something he would have wanted. I mean look how well that worked out for Fidds :/

But Ford's whole character arc is about humbling himself. Learning to let go of this fantasy of some grand destiny and find joy in just living life with the people he cares about. He learns to accept the love of others and to love himself without needing to prove anything.

Pictured above, is a combination of sleep deprivation and those little moments when you're a new parent and it dawns on you yet again that suddenly you have this tiny little human who's who world depends on you. That mix of fear and awe and overwhelming love that hits you in waves and turns your brain into mush for a moment.

Nik and Newt force Ford to put someone else over himself, forcing him to reassess his priorities much sooner.

Also I know this one wasn't really an ask but I really wanted to draw something for you because it was soooooo good seeing a real ask in my inbox. I would absolutely love to answer any asks people have about this AU. I'd love to draw more of Ford, Fidds, Stan, and the twins but it gets hard to decide what to draw with so many ideas in my brain. By all means, send me asks or suggestions for drawings and I'll do my best to respond to all of them.

[vitospaghetta]

Leon's flirting in Infinite Darkness

This scene has, since day one, been one of my favorites in Infinite Darkness. The series did an excellent job at bringing a lot of aspects of Leon's character to the surface. Things we were already very familiar with, like his kind and attentive nature, but also darker aspects of his character he generally tends to keep hidden, such as his anger, his resentment, and the extent of his trauma regarding Raccoon City. What I love about this scene is that it is also a prime example of one of those darker aspects of Leon's character. One that is integral to understanding who he is as a person — his desperation.

I've seen the idea of his flirtation with Shen Mei in this scene being interpreted as platonic become popularized. For some people, choosing to ignore what is being presented here is easier than accepting that Leon S. Kennedy would ever be okay with going on a date with someone already in an established relationship. Though I think that idea discredits the deeply human sentiment present in this scene. As morally objectionable as Leon's actions are here, there's something incredibly authentic about them. Unknowingly, he's disclosing his desires, and not just sexual ones.

It's very clear that Leon is asking her out to dinner with romantic intent. This comes down to my own personal life experience, but I've come to understand this as a universal truth: when a man you hardly know asks you to do anything with him, it's a date. He is asking you out romantically, guaranteed. In the case of Leon in this scene, when you take the context of Shen Mei being in a relationship and Leon's lifestyle into account, you can paint a clear picture of him not only asking Shen Mei out on a date, but he's doing so to get his foot in the door, so-to-speak.

He's not looking for longevity, he's doing this with the sole intention of sleeping with her. That's why he disregards her relationship — approaches this with a shameless 'I'm willing to be the mistake she makes at least once' mentality — because he's not looking for a relationship. He's desperately yearning for pleasure; for the burdens of his life to melt away, even if the moment is fleeting. Even if it comes at the cost of someone else's relationship. An act of selfishness — something we don't often see from Leon — but desperation has a way of making people act impulsively. I think this speaks volumes about his character.

Leon lives a life that doesn't allow for him to be able to settle down. Given how compassionate and empathetic he is, he more-than-likely views relationships as impractical at best. He'd constantly feel like his happiness would come at the cost of his partner's, and that's not something he could live with, so he submits to loneliness. It's practical, it's fair, and it's the only option that makes sense given his career. A long-term committal relationship is just another opportunity his service to the government has taken from him, and while he can have it, he will not willingly drag someone else into a relationship that would surely be filled with disappointment to do so.

So instead, he seeks momentary pleasure. He flirts with women like Shen Mei and Hunnigan while on duty. He self-sabotages by pursuing emotionally unavailable women like Ada. One could argue that flirting with Shen Mei and Hunnigan are also him self-sabotaging, as they are also women that are most-likely going to reject him due to the professional nature of their relationship. He's going out of his way to avoid genuine connection, and therein lies the tragedy of it all.

At the end of the day, he craves normalcy. He yearns for a life he can't have and deeply resents being denied it. Moments like this are just displaying how Leon navigates the circumstances of his life, actively denying himself a happiness he is so deserving of, but deems as unfair to others. He wants to feel needed and appreciated in a way that makes him feel like anything other than a weapon pointed at the government's problems — to feel loved, in the most intrinsically human way possible, even if it's only for one night with someone and ultimately means nothing in the end.

This moment perfectly encapsulates something that has always been a crucial component of Leon's character, the extent of his tragedy — the lonely and isolating nature of a life he didn't choose.

[farfromstrange]

Can I make a Matt Murdock x reader request. You and Matt are fighting, you kick Matt out of bedroom. Matt sits outside the bedroom door and hears you crying yourself to sleep. Maybe there is a happy ending

Hi, nonnie! Thank you so much for your request (and I apologize for the delay). I hope you don't mind that I put my own spin on it. I got heavily inspired by Taylor Swift's "You're Losing Me" which I can't seem to get out of my head. I felt it to be the perfect foundation for your request. Still, I stayed as true to it as I could, and since you said "Maybe there is a happy ending" I ended it kind of on a hopeful note. I hope you like what I made out of this and that it's anything like what you've imagined!

You're Losing Me | Matt Murdock x Reader

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader (gender neutral)

Summary: You and Matt get into an argument and you throw him out of the bedroom with a choice to make. You cry through most of the night as Matt sits in front of the bedroom door, contemplating and hating on himself until you can't take it anymore.

Warnings: Angst, relationship problems, Reader feels neglected because of Daredevil, Matt Murdock is an idiot when it comes to his feelings, talk about breaking up, hurt/comfort

Word Count: 3.4k

A/n: This song isn't even released yet and it's killing me inside...

You had planned for a normal evening with him. Dinner, dessert, and a nice bath. You promised each other that today, you would take the time out of your day to spend time together. If it isn’t your work, it’s his, and if it happens to be neither, it’s usually his hunger for justice that ends with you alone in your shared apartment at night. You get it you do, and you support him with all you have, but tonight was so important to you and he promised you he would be there, that he would put Hell’s Kitchen on hold for just a few hours of normalcy in your chaotic lives, and he still didn’t show. 

You feel neglected. Part of you feels bad for wanting him to choose you over the responsibilities that are on his shoulder, but you have needs too. You’re a human being that craves the touch of your boyfriend and his undivided attention every once in a while. It’s not a bad thing.

You know what you’ve signed up for, and you don’t often complain, but you asked him for one night where you can show each other how much you truly appreciate each other, without you having to patch him up after a rough night of patrol and him thanking you with endless kisses, and it hurts that he couldn’t even be there for an hour or two because something in the city called him and he had to be there. 

“Everything okay?” he has the audacity to ask when he comes home, luckily unscathed, and finds you brushing your teeth in the bathroom. You don’t greet him, even though he initiates a kiss, and your distance makes him grow significantly more suspicious. There have been only a handful of times when you’ve given him the cold shoulder, let alone refused to let him kiss you. Something isn’t right, but it infuriates you to no end that he can’t even make the connection himself after you’ve practically begged him to stay with you. 

He thinks you can be so easily swayed and that you’ll just take and take and take until you’re okay with being second place, but he is wrong. This time, he is so wrong, alarms are blaring all around him to showcase just how wrong he is, and even with his sensitive ears, he can’t hear them. 

“Are you feeling okay, sweetheart?” he asks. 

The audacity to blame it on your well-being seems to come from a place of genuine confusion, but for someone who prides himself on being perceptive and always knowing what you need, he’s missed a billion too many hints. Not just today but for weeks; your feelings have been eating away at you, and your fear of losing him grows alongside the anger that makes it hard for you to even look at him without crying. 

As you look around the apartment, you remember talking to him about how the different colors of the billboard give the place its unique beauty. He’d laughed and told you that you were the first person to think so. You remember telling him that it fits him, the colors and the milky windows and the almost nostalgic flair that his home carries. You’ve lost count of the many kisses shared in the lights of the color wheel instead of the artificial yellow of the ceiling lamp. The vibrations of the billboard are more comfortable to his heightened senses than those of the lightbulbs covering the apartment, he’d told you, so from the day you started dating, you’ve barely used the light switch and relied on the funky little ads that play in front of your windows every night. 

But of what worth is seeing the beautiful colors if the person you used to describe them to is barely present anymore?

You let out an almost bitter laugh and turn to his confused frame in the door. “I wanted you here,” you say. 

Matt nods, but his jaw is clenched and he looks as stern as always. “I told you, the city needed me,” he says. 

“But I needed you too.”

You’re growing tired of repeating the same few words over and over again. It’s like he refuses to listen or even acknowledge that your emotional needs are important to you and that you simply want him by your side because he is the man you love. Every time you tell him, he tells you he loves you, but you’re not sure if you believe him anymore. He can’t tell that this is killing you inside, even though he should. He used to, once. He used to be so attuned to your needs that he would drop everything, but for a while now, something has been missing, and you now realize that the thing missing between you is him, but he simply won’t come back to you, no matter how tightly you cling to him and try to pull him back from the abyss. 

He doesn’t even seem to realize that he is slowly losing you. Your heart aches and it wants to stop beating; it wants to stop beating just for him, but you know that your soul is dependent on him, which hurts even more because no matter how hard you try, you can’t escape, and he will keep on ignoring you until it breaks you. 

You know he doesn’t mean any harm. He loves you, he does, but you both have different ways of showing it and you both love and crave certain things in very different ways. When he’s not Daredevil, he’s sheer perfection, the best boyfriend you could ask for, but then nights come around and you realize that begging for his attention is something that should not be part of a healthy relationship. 

But God, you don’t want to give up. You want him to see you, just once, and you want him to listen so you can fix this before it’s too late. And you are so close to turning your back and saying goodbye, shattering both of your hearts in the process. You don’t want it to come to this, but if he keeps this up, you see no other way out to keep your heart safe. You’re getting tired of healing your own wounds while also treating his. At this point, finding a pulse in your relationship is getting harder and harder by the second.

As you stare into the dark apartment behind him, the red of the billboard dancing in patterns along the leather couch, you wonder if it’s time. 

“It’s always them and never me,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper, “and it hurts.”

He senses the vulnerability in your voice, and his eyebrows furrow as he swallows the lump in his throat. his heart aches at what you’re implying. The calm sound of your voice almost breaks him. “I don't understand,” he whispers back. 

You smile sadly at him. “I know you don’t.”

He calls your name softly, but there is a hint of frustration behind his voice. “You know that I’m the only one who even thinks about doing something against all the pain out there, right? I’m the only one who fights. I’m there when no one else is, and the people are dependent on me. Terrible things happen at night here and I have to do something! I can't just leave people to die for dinner or- or a movie night that I can't even enjoy. That's not how it works. I- It's not my fault, I just have to do this, and you should know that by now. I can't change who I am…”

It’s always the same. His words brush past you like a gush of wind. He’s talking, but you don’t hear him. You’re flatlining, and your relationship fades before your very eyes. 

“Matt,” you stop him before he can talk himself further out of your life, “if you keep going at this pace, you’re going to lose me sooner or later. You’re going to lose me because you’re already in the process of doing so,” you say. “I’m not asking you to stop or change who you are, I’m just asking for you to be there from time to time when I need you to just be my boyfriend. I need you to fight. I need you to put in an effort because this relationship can’t survive if we both don’t give the same. Lately, it feels like I’m the only one who’s fighting, and it’s making me feel so alone.”

You gave him everything, but he wasn’t fast enough to stop the bleeding, and you hope he finally sees the scars his behavior has left deep within your soul. 

He doesn’t move. You throw your hands up. “Just say something, do something, anything! Just fight for me,” you beg. 

Nothing. 

You swallow your tears. He’s like a rock, unmoving, and his unfocused eyes are darting around wildly. You don’t care. You brush past him into the bedroom, grabbing the pillow and blanket from his side of the bed. You toss it to him worldlessly, meeting his sightless gaze. 

“Sweetheart,” he begins, but he doesn’t know what to say. 

You cut him off, “If you can’t listen to what I have to say, I don’t want you in bed with me. Think about what you want. If you love me, truly love me, you show me, but if you don’t… well, make your decision. I won’t sit by and take it any longer. I’m tired.”

“Sweetheart, wait!”

The bedroom door slams into his face and he is left with his bedding in the cold space of the living room. He sighs, dropping his forehead against the milky glass, calling your name, but you don’t answer. 

He slides down the wall, hearing you climb into bed with heavy limbs. His mind begins to reel, and he finally begins to realize too late that he screwed up. He took you for granted, and he gave up fighting for no other reason than simply because he’s never been more scared. 

Matt is so in love with you, it hurts. He’s felt you pull away before, but he tried not to let it get to him. That was a mistake, as he now realizes. He would never prioritize being Daredevil over you, but he’s not sure how to tell you without sounding like an idiot. You accept him, all of him, and you support him unconditionally. That can get overwhelming for someone who’s not used to being accepted. All he wants is to be seen and do the right thing, but every time he does, he goes about it the wrong way, and the same people he’s vowed to protect end up getting hurt. 

He tried to give you space from the buy life he’s leading to show you he cares, but he now realizes that his attempts to keep you safe backfired and might as well have sabotaged his relationship with the best thing that has ever happened to him. By trying to keep you safe, he’s involuntarily pushed you away. Your love has never been anything short of perfect. You have never been overbearing or pushed him beyond his limits. It’s what he appreciates about you; your blind faith in him is what keeps him going.

But he’s been blind in more sense than one, not realizing how much effort goes into a healthy relationship, and he realizes now that the unique circumstances that surround your life together require even more effort. You’ve been fighting in his war, taking care of him, catching him, and he’s viewed everything through tunnel vision for so long, he forgot that, to keep you and to make you happy, he has to fight just as hard. 

His hand touches the glass of the bedroom door, the shadow appearing on the other side, but your eyes are closed. He opens his mouth to whisper your name. It’s then he realizes you’re crying. He can hear you sniffle, trying to muffle your sobs that break free into your shared pillow. It smells like him and you, and the scent seems to be overwhelming to you. Still, you won’t let it go. Your tears roll off the green silk, mixing the salt with the sandalwood of his cologne. 

Matt wants nothing more than to breach the barrier, storm inside and hold you. He wants to apologize, he wants to make things right, but suddenly, words don’t seem enough anymore. He’s not sure how to tell you exactly how he feels because he never has before, and his inability to do just about anything makes him afraid of what’s to come. He doesn’t deserve you, he’s losing you, and a big part of him plays with the thought of letting you go so you can move on and find someone who can give you exactly what you need and deserve. Because he can admit his mistakes all he wants and promise to be better, but he is his biggest enemy and his biggest saboteur; he knows that one day, he will break any promise he makes and then you’re going to be twice as crushed. He can’t do that to you. He loves you, but he can’t hurt you any more than he already has.

You’re both sick. The air is thick with your shared pain and the fear of losing what is most dear to the both of you, but hearing you cry because of him makes him want to throw himself off the nearest cliff or hide somewhere and never come out again. He doesn’t deserve someone else’s love if he can’t give it back the way the other person deserves, and you’re truly a diamond compared to him. You’re the most precious gift he’s ever received, as is your love, but this is no way to treat someone as good as you. 

All you’re doing is for him to say something, to fight for you, to risk something and come back to you, and he can’t even do that. He’s so lost in self-pity and the sound of your tears, he finds himself drowning. 

Your tears carry on for what feels like hours. The agony is etched deep into your bones. You’re exhausted, your muscles ache, but the sobs just won’t stop. He’s so close yet so far away. Of course, you can see his silhouette outside, his hand against the glass, and his lips moving with unspoken words. You need him, but even so close to you he is so far away. 

Though as you think about it, there has to be a cure for even the worst of illnesses when it comes to a relationship just like yours. You’re sure there is something. If only Matt would see it too. He’s so caught up in himself, he makes your symptoms worse, but you love him too much to let him give up on you, even though you’ve never been more tired of fighting. 

You’re not sure what compels you to do so, but your hand finds his against the glass. He can feel your warmth through the cold and he sucks in a sharp breath. 

You have become a sad song, but every sad song can be turned into something hopeful, can it not? You would have never considered yourself a positive person, but as you see Matt cowering in front of the bedroom, clearly conflicted, you know he wants to fight, he just doesn’t know how to deal with himself amidst something incredibly new to him. 

His voice sounds hoarse when he speaks up. “You know, I see you in my own kinda way,” he says. 

“What’s that mean?” your voice is almost entirely gone from crying. 

“You’re everything to me, I just don’t know how… I didn’t think it would be this hard. On my end. I didn’t think it would take so much from me to make this work, but I… I want to make this work. But I can’t, and you deserve so much better than that.”

He’s crying too, you can hear it. You want to touch him, but you’re not quite there yet, so you sit down against the door, your back to his, only the glass protecting you now. 

“You’re right, I deserve better,” you say, “but that doesn’t mean I need someone else.”

“But maybe it’s better.”

You hope he’s not being serious. “Don’t say that, Matthew.”

“I just don’t want to hurt you.” 

You almost don’t catch his words, but when you do, the sob that follows breaks your heart. 

He ruffles his hair, removing his hand from the glass. Your vicinity hurts. He doesn’t want to lose you, but sometimes you have to lose what you love. 

“You can’t decide that this is over just because you don’t want to hurt me,” tears of your own start forming again, “that’s not how adult relationships works. I know you’re not used to being loved or being in a stable relationship, but that’s why fighting is so important. So please, baby, let us fight.”

He sniffles, covering his face with the crook of his elbow. 

“They say you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone, but I don’t even want us to go this far,” you say. You’re being so open and vulnerable with him, and every word spills the purest truth. 

Matt wipes his cheeks. “Are we too far gone?” he asks, waiting for an honest answer. He knows you would never lie to him. 

“No,” you breathe. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“I wouldn’t take me back either. I’m complicated and I can’t promise that I can keep all of my promises because I screw up. A lot. It’s just who I am. That’s why I said you deserve better.”

“I deserve you, Matthew.”

“No, you deserve better. That’s what I said. A pathological people pleaser. You can’t say that’s something you want to grow old with. And I’d understand if you said it wasn’t. Maybe the vision of us was more of a fever dream, anyway.”

The door slides open. Matt looks up, his eyes are red, his cheeks stained with tears, and his resolve cracks some more when he feels you towering over him, then sitting down next to him. 

You take his hand in yours. “I only need you,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper. “That’s why I told you to fight for me, and you didn’t walk away, so I know you want this. I just need you to admit it, I need you to promise that you’ll try, that we’ll both try. I don’t need you to be perfect, I just need you to show me that you want this. I just need you to try.”

Your touch sets his skin on fire. He whimpers when he feels your fingertips brush his cheek. “I want to try,” he says, “but I don’t know how-”

You shush him again, your name a fleeting breath on his lips. “That’s all I need.”

“What?”

“I just need you to see me and show me how much you care. Just try, that’s all I’m asking for you. Everything else… we’ll figure it out. I’ll find the faith in us again, you just have to choose me.”

Your eyes are hopeful, he can feel them. Slowly, he leans forward and presses his lips to yours. Your salty tears mingle and you melt into his touch, only for the moment, only until he pulls away and tries to look into your eyes as he says, “I will always choose you.”

And then you’re diving right back in. This time, you initiate the kiss, but he is more than eager to return the display of affection. His hands caress your face, almost as if you’re so fragile, you might break under his touch. And maybe you might. You have lost sight of each other and you need to find it again.

“I choose you too,” you break off the kiss to say, “because I love you, Matthew, and I don’t want to give up on us.”

His nose nuzzles against yours and you succumb to the magic of his lips once again. It’s his way of telling you that giving up on you is the last thing he would ever want to do, no matter how badly he screws up, and you are more than willing to run back into his arms and let him hold you through the night because finally, oh finally, you got what you wanted, which is simply him, not just a piece but all of Matt Murdock, and he swears not to leave your side until sunrise. 

And this time, he keeps his promise, his head resting against your chest and your limbs entangled as you begin to heal, together. 

[lotusflw3r]

A lot of people tend to agree that Mephisto keeps around Amaimon specifically because it pertains to whatever plans he has meticulously crafted. But I think it's worth emphasizing that they do play games together, as demonstrated by small omakes.

And I'm by no means implying that they are buddy, buddy with each other, canon has supported that much, but I do think Mephisto keeps him around at least partially because he's so goddamn lonely.

I truly think Shiro was probably one of the only true friends Mephisto's ever had, at least in the past few decades, which makes me wonder just exactly what his social life looks like to begin with.

Mephisto's a huge attention whore, as demonstrated by his eagerness to be on TV around the time when civilization was beginning to become aware of the existence of demons, so, to a certain extent, he definitely craves social validation.

I can't imagine him being much of a fan of cocktail parties, just because I feel like he'd find himself "above" that sort of thing, in the sense that I feel like he'd find them to be a stupid and superficial human ritual, (mind you he thinks humans are cute, most definitely in a condescending "why do you even care about that sort of thing" way but maybe also as genuine admiration on his part, because he can't have that for himself) but he might indulge them every once in awhile as a means of fulfilling personal social quotas (and social networking as a means of maintaining his status as a socialite) because who else is there to intellectually stimulate him (as if priveleged, psuedo-intellectuals could ever do that pffftt, not like he has much of a choice though.)

He definitely engages people in a superficial way as a means of getting some, and in a way, it works for him, simply because I don't believe Mephisto has it in him to be vulnerable with anybody like that.

This sort of behavior may also give reason to why he's always observing others and their interactions, perhaps as a means of living through others, because he doesn't allow himself to do the same. This could also serve as an explanation for his degenerate ways, because you can't be out here binge playing otome games without some social ineptitude on your part (I'm mostly joking but it's far too fitting tbh.)

So, who else is there to keep him company, except for his little brother, who he can't even really share much of an intellectual connection with because... I mean, it's Amaimon? Amaimon definitely does not care to discuss the endless possibilities of the universe, but he will most definitely indulge Mephisto's litte video games, so long as it doesn't require much effort on his part.

THE POSSIBILITY IS KIND OF SAD TO THINK ABOUT TBH.

[purplesoulcollection]

Unnatural Love

Part 13 Synopsis : Name has being transmigrated into the world of I'm Not That Kind Of Talent without ever reading the novel. She's not being reincarnated as a human but as a devil as well. Hi There! I want to let you know that this fanfiction story isn't solely my creation. I borrowed the concept from @quqiwo2. I haven't actually read the novel either, just some spoiler to the end.

I hope you'll excuse my spelling and grammar mistake, because English not my first language.

I can only stare at those notifications. My eyes and cheeks feel intensely burned because of the reason why I can complete these mission.

Finally I get it, all the skill finally be mine.

I feel like I am doing the biggest crime I ever done in my life. But I swear, this is only for the good use.

But, I actually didn't expect it be so good...

COUGH

So this is the good news for me. Yipee!

My love life with Deon finally get the smooth ride. I’m still shy about that fact, but finally I did it. Good job me!!!

And also after that,

Deon is actually being so needy for my affection. He practically begging me for my little smooch every time now.

He craves a warm hug, a kiss on the cheeks, a gentle peck on the forehead, and a sweet kiss on the lips every morning and evening. He'll pout until I provide him with the affection he desires.

He also sneakily kisses my neck to tickle me. So now, my daily way of getting back at him is to give his back a playful smack.

And he also no longer avoid my question, he finally proceed to answer my question.

"Is my look really strange for you? What's do you like? Human or devil form? I think you'll choose my human form right? "

"Adele, I didn't answer your question because I think you look beautiful in every side! "

"If that's your answer, why don't you answer me truthfully! I became to afraid to think that you only like my human who is more beautiful than devil so I have to use this camouflage continuously."

"I didn't answer because I think you look very conscious and insecure to your look. If I said I like the both form of you, you think I lied. Because you're practically obsessed with your human look. "

My mouth felt like it was sealed shut, and my heart ached as if it had been pierced by his heartfelt words. I lowered my gaze and shut my eyes, overwhelmed by the weight of my dark emotions.

He's correct. He doesn't misunderstand the situation. I feel the same way. I despise my demonic appearance more than anything. It's not a pleasant experience to feel like my soul is trapped in this devilish body. Looking in the mirror is something I can't quite put into words, so different.

So, my human form is truly my way out of my insecurities.

As I sink deeper into my endless cycle of overthinking, feeling completely overwhelmed, a gentle kiss on my nose brings me back to reality.

He leans his forehead against mine, and we gaze into each other's eyes from just a breath away. His face is so close to mine. His skin is flawless, free from any acne or blemishes. I can’t help but feel a twinge of envy; my skincare routine costs a fortune, while he has this natural glow.

Then, I find myself captivated by his bright red eyes, shining with a tender positivity that I desperately need. They are truly beautiful and so genuine, unlike those obvious colored contact lenses. Those unnatural colors are not what you’d expect to see on Earth.

And his lashes? They’re incredibly long—could he be the kind of slim, handsome prince straight out of a fairy tale? Because he is the one...

"You're done with your head? " The small question he ask make me snapped from my observation over him.

"Huh? " I blinked, not connected yet with his small question.

"Don't feel too insecure, Adele. You look beautiful no matter what. Even if you're having negative thoughts about yourself, I still see you as gorgeous woman"

I can sense the warmth of his breath as he speaks, making his words feel so sincere that they ground me in reality, make me thinking of myself in the earth.

"… What if I had a different appearance that you weren't aware of? Would you still think I'm pretty?" I'm grabbing his hand and he shifted our finger to be connected and then in the end he was grabbing it instead.

"Absolutely! Show me your other form, and I'll show you just how beautiful you are!" He said that confidently, his eyes stared right into me like he really want to prove it and didn't have a speck of lie.

"… I'm just joking, Deon. Do you really think I have the power to change into different shapes? But I get your point, Deon. Thanks for your kind words." In the end i have no courage to telling the truth now...

"So are you willing to pay my service, dear?"

Price, he's the one who has money between two of us.

"In what? "

"Your love?! "

"You already have my whole love. "

We giggled together and kiss in the end.

But

But there are the cons too after that.

Deon’s becoming more busy with his hero job, so we can't actually spend more time together.

Protect the kingdom from the devil's not so easy job.

But in the end, He finally tell the emperor about his decision to loyal to humanity. So I think the emperor is amused by Deon.

But that's not my concern right now.

My whole worry is after we did that, my worries clearly increased more than before. About Deon and my reluctant to leave him alone.

I... can't stay here.

I can't stay with Deon.

I also can't make Deon give up to side with human. It's the best for him only not to me...

I have to go home to my world too. The world I once knew and longed for.

But he himself also said it's because of me he try to became a good person... Is it will turn bad for him?

Is it possible that I can leave Deon here?

Leaving my love to return to my world? What if he jump right in tragedy again?

"Mrs. You're spacing out again." Someone's word make me realize that i only stare at the brown tea without drinking it. So aesthetic view to be lost in my thought.

"Remember?" I see him in the next to me. Standing graciously like the expert of etiquette.

"You didn't even drink your tea until it's already gone cold. " Remember make a gesture to let me see my cup of the tea again.

I look at my tea, didn't let out some smoke like earlier. Oh he's right. My tea already gone cold and became bitter. I put down my tea cup to the table before remember takes it.

"Are you worried about something?"

"No, I'm not worried about anything." Lie, obviously both he and I know it well.

But Remember having a suggestion for me, "Then don't you want to change your mood by going for a walk?"

"Going for a walk, without Deon?"

"Young master will coming back soon, I will send someone to be your tour guide temporarily." He convinced me in the end, I asked him who's his choice of his guide.

"He is a young man who has the ambition to become Young Master's assistant. He is very talented and works hard. I think he'll be match for your walk today. "

From his description, this young man really like a perfect example of the someone who will success and became rich in the future.

"There's a young man like that around Deon? Please send him. I want to meet him." I asked Remember and then change the clothes to be more casual.

"Let me introduce myself, my name is Dan." greeted a young man, who seemed quite serious and enthusiastic for his age. He's being brought to me after i changed my clothes.

"Miss, there's no need to be embarrassed with him, my impression of him is very good." Remember whispered to me. Probably to not to be heared by Dan.

Then I nodded before I finally stood in front of Dan.

"Nice to meet you, Dan. I'm Adele." I reached out my hand to shake his hand and he did the same.

"Nice to meet you, Miss."

"Let's go immediately." I finally lead the way to out from Deon's house to the carriage.

So the two of us went to town using a horse-drawn carriage. While waiting to get to town I asked Dan.

"Where do you come from."

"I come from a village not far from the empire."

"What's your village like?"

"My village is quite small, but everyone is quite familiar with each other."

"Why do you want to be Deon's assistant?"

"Because I admire Mr. Deon."

"Woah you're so cool, following someone and working hard to become great."

“This is nothing, madam.”

After we traveling to sightseeing, Finally we rest in the teahouse. I'll tell him to grab our tea before finally sit in the chair.

Pyuh, so tired to sightseeing. This world really need some technology to afford more sightseeing without required more energy.

And then Dan coming with the hot tea. He places the beautiful cup of tea in front of me. “Madam, did you the one whom make Mr. Deon stopped himself from being so ambitious to get the revenge?”

I'm a bit surprised to seeing his exceptional observation. Not everyone will notice it. I drink my tea first before answer that.

“You notice it? Is it that visible to you, Dan?"

“He didn't make the trouble and didn't get into the trouble, if he did he will stressed out already. His expression is also so stable and looks so happy with his life, opposite from his usual face who looks so dangerous and scary. And the most important point is his relationship with his brother is improved to be better, in the past if he see him he will have a bloodlust to him." He became a rapper to only finish that in one breath, so i applause him.

“Wow, Dan. You really have a good eyes to analyze everything. Yeah, you're right. He said himself that he want to change for me. I really glad if he can improve himself to be the better person. It's the sign that he wants to make a peace with his past and his mistake.”

And then his smiley face change to fast to a more angry one “So it's definitely you are the main reason of him not to becoming a disaster!"

Disaster, Why he mentions about disaster...

Thats the prophecy from spellcaster to Deon, why he know that?

Is that means, Dan wants to follow him as a disaster too?!

And then the chill of danger is stroking in my body, I have to get out from here...

But to late...

I already drink the tea he giving to me...

The effect had already done, I having a headache before i finally gone out in Dan eyes...

“What did you say?” Deon elevates his voice, conveying an even more frightening and suggestive anger. The intensity of his fury is unmistakable in Remember's eyes.

He cautiously said what he just said before. “Madam going with Dan at the morning earlier, young master.”

Deon press and scrape his face with his hands. He's so frustrated with this situation right now, is this his fault to not tell Remember about Dan? He didn't know his mistake could finally grow the fruit today.

“Remember, you make the wrong decision today. I will hold you accountable later!” And then he tells Remember to stay here and tell him to reflect his mistake.

“I understand, young master.”

After that he left Remember with his angry step, he was restless. Dan really believed that Deon would be a disaster, but Deon himself has decided to stop vengeful.

Dan who feels betrayed by his prophecy will certainly not miss the chance to disturb Deon's peace.

After all he's crazy himself to want to submit to disaster itself.

He have to find her as soon as possible. But he didn't have any clue where she is?

So who should he ask for help from?

To be Continued

[doukeshi-kun]

It is 2 am and I certainly don't have time to be spamming a tumblr's inbox...... but

The other anon commenting about Nikolai being romantic just gave me something to rant about omg. Because i've seen so many people misunderstand Nikolai and genuinely call him insane and a crazy sadist like... ahhsjkdaksjjdks it runs me up the walls

First of all Nikolai's philosophy partially derives off him being inherently good. He wants to escape the mind, emotions it gives, and to sum it up his humanity; so he does things that is against his own self. One is killing. Nikolai literally sees murder and torture as something that is opposite to what his humanity makes him. that's why he does it. And even after mutilating unknown amounts of people he still feels guilt, he still feels emotion (i've seen others say that he was lying to atsushi during that whole speech about his guilt but i don't think so?? He took off his eyepatch, which in every single scene he's done so he's shown to be telling the truth of his character. It's a signifier, a literal 'unmasking'. And he says to himself, when Atsushi says he doesn't get nikolai's ideology that "only dos-kun understands" inferring him being truthful. Plus how he reacts to Fyodor's death which will be covered, too), he still hasn't parted completely from his guilt, empathy, humanity.

And Nikolai loves dearly. Deeply he feels for those who GET him. Nikolai craves connection, another thing he attempts to distance himself from, and found that in Fyodor. And he loves so dearly that once he thinks Fyodor is dead he betrays going against his ideology to do something so human for him; getting down on his knees, bringing Fyodor's severed hand to his face, and mourning him. It took a man who knew him for a brisk time and had to only understand him to be enough for Nikolai to crumble for, at least just once. And it proves after all this mental anguish he's caused himself, he still isn't numb and he will probably never be "free". But I also think because of this all, Nikolai, if given the right set of circumstances, would be a deeply intimate and beautiful human being.

If this makes you lower your word count limits I am so sorry 😭 (i checked, this has (updated) 450...)

Final message: Nikolai is lovely, so so tragic, I need his backstory, need him to crush my head between his thighs and dry hump my face till he cums in his pants, I don't know how to make words on this app small, and your writing is amazing i'm going to sleep now goodnight

i do believe nikolai is a deeply sentimental person at heart. but i also think his insanity and sadism is a part of him. i like to think that, over time of trying to be as monstrous just to detach himself from being humane—perhaps he does feel some kind of euphoria when hurting someone, as he knows he's doing something that's beyond humane. but i also think that euphoria is just temporary, since we can agree that he does feel guilty for murdering and hurting people. and mayhaps, his sadism is also a way for him to cope with his guilt.

i definitely agree that if he's brought up in different circumstances, he could be a very empathetic person. i mean, he is already empathetic to his victims where he made them believe he's just a monster

[va-queer-o]

Tony's affection for animals (to me) reveals his desire for the connection that he struggles to achieve in his relationships with people, unlike his interactions with family and associates, his bond with the ducks is pure, no power struggles, just genuine connection and that can also be said for the relationship with Pie-O-My which reveals his capacity to care.

He is a man capable of deep affection trapped in a world that demands ruthlessness and detachment.

I've read people say that Tony's affinity for animals is about subjugation, dominance or boosting his ego but I don't think so, these animals offer a kind of unconditional acceptance that he craves but cannot find in his human relationships.

[poppet-siphonophore]

This is a post about Sylvester Lambsbridge from Web Serial Twig by Wildbow. He's Plural Btw.

(Warning: Major Spoilers for LITERALLY ALL of Twig. I can't talk about this without covering the entire story and talking very explicitly about the ending.) This is really a take I haven't seen anyone make about him ever before I don't think (not that many people are out here making takes about Sy, but) so here I am to loudly shout to twigblr that Sylvester Lambsbridge is plural and he makes factives of all the people important to him and he's a fucked up little freak about it. Now obviously Wildbow didn't write him to be plural. I think if he'd *tried* to write Sy that way he would've done a dogshit bad awful job, because he's Wildbow. That said, Sy's hallucinations of the Lambs (and later a number of other notable figures) that he conjures, who act with varying degrees of independence (especially later on in the story as he gets more unstable), match pretty closely with a lot of my experiences with being plural. The ways that each of his alters are interconnected and how they're tied into deep-rooted concepts (Duncan is Politics and Social Engineering, the Infante representing Power, etc) matches a lot with how things are structured with us. Also a lot of him is tied up in his fucked up relationships! Sylvester cultivates the people around him into the shapes that best please him. He does this because he is a very very traumatized, scared individual who was sold to or seized by the government and made into a child assassin when he was a toddler. They inject his brain full of neuroplasticity drugs which cause excruciating agony on the regular. This has, naturally, leads to him having an somewhat skewed worldview from someone from a more reasonable world. He views people as either Threats or Allies, and neither can be trusted fully, ever. Both can be manipulated, though for different purposes. For the Lambs of course he'd say that he was trying to help them thrive, help them get everything they want (and genuinely he does). But he still manipulates them actively, willingly, consciously, and deliberately. This means that fundamentally, no one can ever trust him (except Jessie but this post is long enough without getting into their relationship) and so he can't get the kind of human connection that he craves. This is where his alters supplement that human need for connection. All of Sy's alters are factives of real people (and monsters), both allies and enemies. The most powerful and concrete of them are the Lambs of course, as they're the closest thing he has to people he can trust and be vulnerable with. His alters serve to help him understand and predict them, since they will never trust him and open up to him in the way he craves (because A) he's Sy and B) they're all also sooooooooooooooo fucked up in their own ways :3). Sy's deteriorating memory also fits really really well through this lens because, well, dissociative amnesia! During the time that he was on his own and his mental state got worse and worse, more and more alters started forming. He starts losing more and more memories. This is just kinda stuff that can happen when you go through a big period of trauma and you're plural. It really just Fits. And the ending of Twig, well. The alter that was Sylvester is gone. Now the host is Lord Simon. Lord Simon is a somewhat more integrated person; a lot of the crowds and voices that built up alongside Sylvester got woven in. Fusion of alters is also a thing that happens, especially during big crises. A major headspace restructuring is also not particularly weird! This man is literally just part of a system. I think I've kind of finished what I was trying to say. No clue if this is coherent or if the people will care to read it, but here it is! Maybe I'll post more Twig thoughts in the future, who knows :3

[veliseraptor]

If you haven't done so already, do you have any particular headcanons for Xiao Xingchen?

I've always seen him as a very interesting character, from his fife as the pupil of an inmortal master, to his views about the world. I specially find the image of the folk hero he seems to have incredibly appealing, although I feel it gets left behind in the background of the story. But what do you think?

boy do I!!! I have a stack of Xiao Xingchen headcanons that just might together stack up longer than the entire yi city arc in canon. I have long experience with building a large edifice of headcanon upon a relatively slim amount of actual text, and I have spent a lot of time thinking about Xiao Xingchen. I'm sure this comes as a complete surprise to everyone.

one important headcanon to me is the sort of...pair that Xiao Xingchen is a very sociable and extroverted person, and he has major abandonment issues. I feel like the first one is something where the perception is otherwise because he's not exactly boisterous and he has this "untouchable immortal" reputation following him around making him out to be something more than human (which also renders him less than human, but I've talked about that before).

but Xiao Xingchen loves people, I think - he believes in people, yes, but he also just generally genuinely likes them. he likes to talk to people. now, this doesn't always mean he's good at it - the other thing about Xiao Xingchen is that he's kind of weird and socially graceless - but he's a very friendly person by nature.

this makes his utter isolation post-baixue even sadder, because I don't think it's because he can't make connections, or doesn't want to - I think he's not letting himself try. he's cut himself off from trying to make friends. prior to that I think people tend to hold him at a distance, because other people perceive him as untouchable/distant and project that onto how they interact with him, and if they do interact with him he's weird and socially graceless which can be a turn-off for further interaction. afterwards he's just doing the same.

and meanwhile! all this is happening and Xiao Xingchen is in a state of continual low-level homesickness (the world is harder and meaner than he thought it would be, he can never go home, he genuinely believes in his decision to descend but also it hurts sometimes), and he has his one companion who is the best ever but even so...that's one person and I think Xiao Xingchen craves more connection than that. but because of who he is and who he's chosen to be, he doesn't have that community that he desperately misses, and he's not willing to compromise himself in order to find it the simplest way (i.e. by joining a sect).

the dream of creating a sect is, I think, a little more Xiao Xingchen's than Song Lan's - not that Song Lan's not in favor of the idea, but I think he'd be more content without it, continuing to be independent, than Xiao Xingchen is. but he also has his temple to go home to (until he doesn't).

and for extra spicy fun my headcanon has always been that Xiao Xingchen is very tactile while Song Lan is...the opposite, and while Xiao Xingchen would never complain and might not even acknowledge it to himself, he is perfectly content with the non-physical state of their relationship, of course, he would like to be cuddled and that's just not something Song Lan generally feels up to doing.

and then!! and then Song Lan lashes out at Xiao Xingchen, pushing him away, and the closest person Xiao Xingchen has to home is torn away from him, and then his actual home is taken away again (because he goes back for Song Lan only to have to leave again, really forever this time), and he's on his own wallowing in guilt and self-loathing and very determinedly being Alone until a-Qing shows up and basically goes "mine now" and adopts Xiao Xingchen as very much hers. A-Qing is so important for the way that she walks into Xiao Xingchen's self-imposed solitude and just moves in without taking no for an answer. that's, I think, part of why Xiao Xingchen loves her so much.

but after Song Lan there's definitely a low key assumption for Xiao Xingchen, I think, that people will leave him eventually. I think he always tended toward a little bit of clinginess, but after he gives up his eyes that clinginess both increases exponentially and also becomes an exercise in intense self-denial. he won't let himself be clingy with the people he cares about even if that is what he desperately wants to be. nobody would want to live with us in this coffin house.

there's an exchange that I'm really quite proud of in The Care and Keeping of an Unexpected Captive:

“You like - you like feeling like a hero. Like you’re - saving the world, all the pathetic people too weak to save themselves, there’s you, righteously battling evil, kind, generous–” Words that would be compliments from someone else Xue Yang spat like insults. Xiao Xingchen drew back. “That’s not it,” he protested. “I don’t care who knows me, or if anyone does. I’m not looking for fame or glory–” “No,” Xue Yang said, his voice harsh, “you just want people to love you.”

and I don't think Xue Yang is wrong. he's not 100% right either - Xiao Xingchen does believe in his mission, and does just genuinely want to help people and do the right thing.

but he also really, really, really wants to be loved, and is very afraid that he won't be.

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @rosieathena - thanks so much!! ♡

Spencer Reid x gender neutral!reader

Can I Hug You?

- as soon as you walked into the office that morning, Spencer could tell you were not having a good day

- though you were dressed properly with your hair tied back in a neat ponytail to match the professional nature of your job, the bags under your weary eyes and the vacant expression on your face that showed only a hint of panic, all combined into one huge alarm bell of an indication that you were not yourself

- the way you fumbled at your desk only confirmed his suspicions

- as you scrambled to get all your papers in order, Emily walked past you and accidentally nudged you, causing a far more jumpy reaction than Spencer had expected, before your papers fell to the floor

- you stared at the mess of papers on the floor, your eyes slowly filling with tears, and that was all it took

- in an instant, Spencer was at your side, bending down to easily pick up and organise your papers in a matter of seconds

- after placing them on your desk, his eyes met yours. he didnt say anything, but his concerned expression made you feel sick with guilt

- he gestured to an empty interview room and you nodded wordlessly, the two of you making a beeline for the door

- once inside, Spencer closed the blinds to give you complete privacy.

“Talk to me.” He pleaded, his voice so quiet, so gentle, you didnt even try resisting.

You took in a sharp breath and it wavered, alerting Spencer of just how hard you were holding back tears.

“Nothin’ more than a rough day, honestly. I woke up feeling awful, not physically, but how Im feeling has exhausted me. Im just very overwhelmed, I feel trapped, constantly surrounded by things to do and people looking at me but not...it’s stupid, forget it.” You shook your head.

- Spencer raised an eyebrow at your words, curiosity overtaking every thought in his mind. he wondered how long you’d felt this way, but he could ask you that later, his first priority was doing what he could to make you feel better in that moment

- he leant against the wall, watching as you sat back on the table, kicking your legs in the air and avoiding his eyes. something was embarrassing you, but what could it be?

- and it was as though a lightbulb appeared above his head when Spencer remembered the way you’d reacted to Emily bumping into you earlier.

“It’s touch, isnt it? You feel that people are constantly watching you, but never touching you, never connecting with you.”

- your cheeks flushed as Spencer exposed your inner thoughts, and you were quick to stare down at your thighs, hiding your face from him as best as you could. but again, you couldnt resist him, you couldnt lie, so you nodded

- Spencer’s empathy for you grew exponentially then, because he completely understood, he, too, craved human contact often, but it was different due to his general discomfort in that area.

“What can I do?” His question sounded loud and heavy in the silence, but it was so heartfelt, all he wanted to do was help, and how were you supposed to deny such genuine care.

You sighed, defeated. “I know you’re not big on physical contact, so Im not expecting you to say yes to this, but...can I hug you?”

- Spencer was completely taken aback by this. though he should have expected a response that suggested physical comfort, he didnt think you would want it from him. but it was so much more than that.

“Nobody has ever asked to hug me before..” He practically whispered.

Instantly, your head shot up to meet his eyes, and you frowned. “Well, their intentions are likely kind, but they should still ask, anyone should. I wont do anything to make you uncomfortable, I just...I know I can trust you not to laugh at me like this. The rest of the team wouldnt either, I know that, but I trust you most when Im vulnerable like this. I dont know, it’s probably silly.” You trailed off, avoiding his gaze again.

“It isnt silly at all, and to answer your question, yes.” A small smile had made its way on Spencer’s face, and he hoped that because you werent looking at him you wouldnt see, but sure enough, upon hearing his answer, you had to look at him

- words were lost to you then, and you hopped off the table in a way that Spencer found utterly adorable, before you slowly approached him

- your steps towards him were hesitant, until your bodies were almost touching, and then he opened his arms to you and you all but fell into them

- Spencer wrapped his arms around you gently, careful not to hurt you, but when he felt how you were clinging to him, he couldnt stop himself from holding you tighter, the way he had been desiring to since the day you met

- you hid your face in Spencer’s wooly sweater, breathing in his scent and enveloping yourself in the sensation of his arms around you. it was so comforting, exactly what you needed, and you started to cry into his chest

- he noticed at the first sniffle, his arms squeezing you reassuringly as he placed a kiss on the top of your head

“Shhh, Im right here.” He cooed.

- Spencer lifted you slightly so that you were standing on his shoes, and began rocking back and forth slightly with you still in his arms until you stopped crying

- a few minutes of comfortable silence passed before Spencer decided to voice his thoughts.

“I really appreciate you asking me whether I’d be comfortable with this...thank you. It means a lot that you respect my usual discomfort in situations like this.”

You lifted your head to look up at him, a cheeky grin plastered on your face that made the heart of a genius skip a beat. “Usual discomfort? Does that mean you‘re enjoying this?”

Spencer smiled down at you. “Very much so.“

Seeing him smile at you was enough to make you blush, and you were forced to hide your face in his sweater again.

“Me too.”

[silent-sanctum]

Hey so uhhh I was wondering if you can make a lil small itty witty fic about jotaro's pov on the reader, like how he sees them how he feels about them and what not, kinda just random thought yk bit i feel like itd be cute🤭🤭 i hope you understand what i mean by this, anywhom I hope you have a wonderful day 🫶🫶

hiya! sorry this took so long to fulfill TT. But eventually I got this out for everyone to see~~ Hope I gave your request some justice and hope everyone enjoys it ^^ also i recommend playing this for some additional feels~

word count: 959

Love.

Such a strange, contradicting feeling that is. It’s subtle yet it’s obvious. It creeps up to you the way a vine does on a decrepit wall, yet it hits you straight out of nowhere like a punch you didn’t expect coming. It’s selfless and selfish at the same time. Bits of every emotion ever felt laced with this one feeling.

Others found it stemmed from a sense of destiny, a fate interwoven in the universe. Others figured it was simply a feature built into human beings due to our species being the social type who craved connections with fellow humans.

For me, I have always been the one to side with reason and logic, often siding with the scientific explanations and dismissing the crap that was merely wishful thinking, but when it comes to this… I’m not sure I completely side with either.

Honestly, I don’t even know if love is something I’m able to express properly the way others express it. And the reason? It’s complicated.

My mother was the hopeless romantic, so full of love and care tending to my wellbeing, compensating for the lack my father couldn’t give me due to his work. Outside of family, I never knew how to show love to others, more so when they treat me and my mom like outsiders.

And so I thought, “Since I’m not sure how this works, why should I love someone else when all it does is make me tired in the long run, exhausted from spreading it to assholes who’d taunt and abuse you in return?”

I was sure of my decision. Just as I always was with anything else.

But then you came.

You were everything new and unfamiliar. Someone who I couldn’t understand at first because you were so different from me- passionate, outspoken, lively, and brimmed with so much love. But, just like love itself, you were a walking contradiction.

You had all these positive traits that blended you neatly with the rest, but you were also sassy, sarcastic, passive-aggressive, and assertive which admittedly caught me off guard. One that wasn’t afraid to bite to protect or wouldn't back down without putting up a fight no matter how friendly you were.

If anything, you made me intrigued. Your foreign charm made me want to know you more the way the other students failed to do.

And so, I did what I wanted to do. I allowed you to venture more into my life- being a part of my break times and hours of dismissal, knowing about my Stand, learning about my family’s generational problem with an old enemy, and joining me in the quest to solve it.

Throughout it all, when all I wanted was to know you better, I grew to learn the one thing I thought I couldn’t do… I grew to love you.

I couldn’t accept it at first because it startled me when all of a sudden, I became aware of how my heart raced and my stomach fluttered every time you cast a beaming smile in my direction or whenever you showed me genuine kindness time and time again. Or even when you sass me whenever I tried to throw you off with my usual rudeness.

Your laughter moved me to smile and do the most stupid shit to make you that happy again. Your tears urged me to help you through your pains, to move past my cold reserved shell and engulf you with warmth.

And your confession encouraged me to reciprocate- to acknowledge and let you know how I truly felt about you.

Suddenly, after the bullshit all of us had to go through, all the times we spent with our friends… you became someone more than just a close friend.

Unexpectedly, you became my lover.

And I didn’t know why. I was everything messed up when you met me the first time and time we saw each other again years after our journey. With the first, I was a rude delinquent unable to fit in with the crowd. The second an insomniac college student who was too much of a coward to fight his own trauma.

Yet despite all my flaws, all my constant attempts to flee from my deeply-seated insecurities and fears, you were so stubborn and undyingly loyal that you never gave up on me. You stood by my side, held me when I was at my weakest, and professed that no matter the situation-

You’d stay with me until the end.

Because you loved me just as much as I have loved you for all these years.

And look where we are right now- happily married for 7 years in a cozy villa by the sea, raising our beautiful daughter unconditionally.

In the end, love is unexpected. It isn’t linear nor is it too chaotic. It’s a pinch of fate and a handful of the need to seek intimacy. It comes in many shapes and forms, including one in the shape of my dear spouse.   

I don’t know how to end this rather long journal entry but I guess I can end it with a note to you, in case you’re reading.

For all the bullshit you had to put up with, the amount of patience you had staying with me, the times when you had to power through all these supernatural obstacles… Thank you.

Thank you for seeing me through thick and thin. Thank you for loving me the way I am. Thank you for helping me throughout our time together.

I wish for nothing more than to continue our life as it is right now.

I love you and always will.

[unexpectedbrickattack]

Ngl I'm kind of dillydallying around my own SDV fixation and i'd KILL to see what your brain is doing to this game like i for one would eat up dat stuff UP . . .

I love the way this is phrased; genuinely 😭💖 like im a force of nature tearing through any new interest like its made of wet tissue paper 💥💥💥

I thought about it some more and i will (eventually) make an sdv blog. Its going to be a mess having all my interests on one dashboard (im lazy and i dont want to sign in and out all the time for diff accounts lol) but i need sdv stuff in sight or ill explode. For now tho i will ramble about random hcs rattling around in my brain

- The valley is FULL of magic, but not alot of Magical Beings that utilize that magic. If the residents of pelican town knew more about magic, there would be alot more wizards than just. The Wizard.

- Everyone in pelican town has some kind of latent magic, or at the very least, an affinity or sensitivity to magic. I like to think that magic builds in very secluded corners of their world and the area including (and surrounding) pelican town is simply one of those places.

-(sorry, i am just obsessed with Places and Magic) I like the idea of your farmer being drawn to pelican town bc they have a bit of magic in them. The letter is just A Letter, but it is the desire to see this town that makes them leave their old life behind. I am obsessed w the idea that the magic in the farmer craves the valley bc it sees the valley as its home, and by extension, the farmer sees the valley as their home. The people of pelican town rarely leave bc the magic in them sees the valley as their home always. The biggest examples of this are Kent, Demetrius, Evelyn, Emily and Shane. The huge exceptions to this (still workin on it) are lewis and sebastian; lewis bc i see him as a normal, non-magical being trying to wrangle the weirdness of this town, and sebastian bc his feelings of isolation and not being understood propels him to crave the world outside of the valley. (That changes a bit if u befriend him/romance him)

-(shane is weird bc hes super depressed and lonely but his happiness comes from his new ‘ragtag family’ (his words) and his very Not Normal chickens. The animals of the valley love him bc he loves them and he becomes tied to the valley bc of it. Marnie has always loved the animals of the valley and some of the love they had for her definitely rubbed off onto shane, who very openly admits he loves the chickens 💙)

-I wasnt very fond of the idea of purple=magic but i think that was bc i often saw it as a way to tie-in the wizard and abigail. I am still trying to get through the friendships for everyone but rn it doesnt feel like theres any connection between them (and caroline). But. I do like the idea of odd, unnatural colors coming through bc of magic. Alex and Pierre having normal brown hair; Haley and Sam being true blondes. BUT. Shane and Jas having purple-ish hair. Emily and Caroline have blue toned hair. Even vincent have pinkish hair 🥺💖 (and dare i say….sebastian with purple/black hair like shane 👀…maybe he has more magic in him than hed like to believe). Abigail doesnt count bc from what ive seen, Caroline laments about her daughters dyed hair. “When she was younger it used to be chestnut brown” which…awww she took after her dad lol.

- LAST THING. This is not an hc i am just mad about this. I cannot believe the game doesnt allow u to befriend Marlon. What the fuck. What the fuck !!! I love him!!! I want to be friends w the chill monster slayer! Im a monster slayer too!!! Let me give him gifts !!! Fuck ! 😭😭😭💥💥💥💥 Also. I know how to write old man yaoi. They shouldve let me do a romance path for willy, clint and marlon. And the wizard i guess but someone already did that. Linus doesnt count bc hes ascended the need for human romance; hes one w nature (read. aroace). And we (linus and willy and the farmer) already co-raise leo so that counts for something i think 🤔

[valerileygreen]

cause I love angst so much.

how do you think arthur and eames would accept rejection? romantically or otherwise. I know it’s hard to imagine who would ever turn them down but I guess some people are not some people’s taste. I find how they interact in less than ideal situation so interesting. (and what if the rejection is from each other; maybe in earlier days when they had other interests) Xoxo

Hi dearest 😊

Rejection is kind of a tricky topic with these 2, because they're both so cautious and their line of work is so dangerous that they would rarely put themselves in such a position to be vulnerable with someone. At least not before they got to know them at least a bit and they're relatively confident, if not in the outcome, in the fact it's not going to be used against them.

But that doesn't mean it never happened before, after all their cautiousness had to come from somewhere.

(Okay, this may have gotten away from me, so it's under the cut)

As for Eames, personally I see him as sort of a lone wolf (I already talked about it, a lot 😂). It's a choice for him, he doesn't seek deeper relationships with people, and when he wants company, of any kind, he just dons the right persona to get it. It's all very superficial and with no strings attached, a bed mate here a drink buddy there, and that's how he likes it, most of the time at least. (He lived like this for most of his 20s and had the time of his life, he felt finally free). He cultivates his work relationships more carefully of course, but it rarely gets past the respected colleagues-friendly acquaitances stage.

I think he (almost) never experienced rejection in his adult life, and certainly not in romantic/sexual settings, because he never let it happen. But that's because he's been burned before by people he should have trusted blindly and who should have loved him unconditionally, his family. We're going into personal hc territory here, but I think of him as sort of the black sheep in his family, a middle child overlooked between his perfect older brother and a little sister who was mother's darling. He tried for a lot of time to be what his parents wanted him to be but it never worked, he was never good enough and his passions and inclinations were looked down upon, and so he became rebellious, as a way to get himself noticed and set apart from the others at first, and then his parents found out his sexuality in the worst way possible and it was the last straw. They didn't exactly disown him but they didn't consider him anymore, and cut his funds, letting him fend for himself unless he conformed to their wishes, so basically they rejected him, not accepting who he really was as a person. I also have an idea that he started on his criminal career after running away from home (and maybe had started before that for little things in his rebellious stage), and at some point someone in his little team of thieves betrayed them for some reason (and it's in the aftermath that he was offered to participate in Project Somnacin to redeem himself instead of going to prison).

So yeah, a lot of negative experiences, very formative ones for his future career, but very hurtful, and his go to method is passive-aggression, rising up his defences at the mere suggestion of attack, so to speak. And I'm basing it on how he responded to Arthur saying he was impressed, it was about something serious and he cared about what Arthur thought of him, and he may have felt a bit insecure regarding him at the time, and so shields up. Though in a way that the average person wouldn't see the insecurity and defensiveness, hidden behind a somewhat light-hearted dismissive quip.

Arthur is much more of a people person, He craves genuine human connection, if just trust between coworkers. After all we never see him alone, he has followed Cobb on the run, and he's most probably been friends with him and Mal for ages before that, maybe they were even a semi-stable team, or at least they worked together often in light of the trust and friendship between them. And we know Arthur had plans to go visit someone stateside that were derailed, and while there are many theories about that I choose to believe they meant he has family there. So yeah, he is a reserved person, even shy probably outside work, and might enjoy some alone time to recharge, but he's not built to stay alone, and he doesn't want to really.

He wants to be liked a a person (though on the job being respected and appreciated is enough most of the time). But he's not an easy person to be with himself, he has this quiet intensity and this sharp cleverness, and this combination of bluntness and inner shyness, and many people give up trying to understand him (and the erratic and secretive nature of his job doesn't help).

His family life was better than Eames' but he got rejected a few times in his life by potential romantic partners, and the result was always heartbreak when it was from someone he already liked, at least on a certain level, because he's a hopeful fool like that. While when he was younger his reaction was more transparent, he learned to mask it behind a stoic mask and act all nonchalant about it, like he didn't really expect anything from his attempt, but he's the type to internalize a lot and spend long fruitless hours pondering about what happened and what he did wrong and things like that. Also he has a tendency to shy away, put a distance between himself and the person who rejected him, because it would be too awkward, and that's only one of the reasons he has a rule for himself to not try and date colleagues, to not mud things in a field that's already dangerous enough.

So one way or another Arthur and Eames are each other's exceptions, in the sense that for the first time in a long time, or perhaps ever, Eames felt and wanted and needed a deeper connection with Arthur, and Arthur grew to like Eames enough to go against his own rule.

And then Mal died and Arthur, loyal and protective to a fault but maybe not so clear in explaining his intentions, put a stop to their developing relationship to follow Cobb and keep Eames from getting involved (for totally noble reasons of course). But Eames took it as a rejection, as Arthur choosing Cobb over him on all levels, and resented him for it, the one time he was letting himself open up and he was discarded like he was nothing, and fucked off to nurse his hurt in Mombasa, and it was so much difficult this time to let it, let him go, despite everything, despite how much more painful it was, because he had invested so much more than usual in it, he was starting to let himself believe in it. And that's why when Cobb arrived with his offer he accepted, he wanted a chance to see Arthur again and clear things up, even just get closure. And he pulled his hair because it's what was expected of him, and to get Arthur to react to him, when Arthur, as per usual, closed off around him, having already long convinced himself he had lost his chance with Eames. But Eames' behaviour encouraged him that not all was lost, and reignited his stubborn streak that doesn't easily give up on things. And he was rejected himself at first by a confused Eames who didn't want to be second best, a sort of rebound, and he isn't one to forgive easily, and they were both still high on emotion and adrenaline and Arthur isn't that good at putting his emotions to words on a good day, and so he had to let Eames go and he went back home. He was absolutely depressed and his family noticed and forced him to spill the beans and helped him realize that it wasn't that Eames didn't want him (like it had happened before), but it was just a big issue of miscommunication. So he gathered all his nerve and went to Eames and convinced him to listen and miraculously he finally found his words, and Eames explained himself too, and agreed to try again (because no one else before had fought this much to come back in his life, so it had to count for something).