#I think I'm going through art art block which means it's time to write consistently again

[laugtherhyena]

Ough writing bugs,, i missed you buddies

[shinygoku]

Rubber Soul (1965)

I've been looking forward to this one! It's arguably the point where the band shifts from Consistently Good to Consistently GREAT, and also where some point to as being their apex. While that may seem premature, given what will soon follow, there may be truth in these takes, and I know this album harbours absolutely amazing numbers. Interestingly, the US release actually modified the track listing to be Acoustic Only, which results in some people's preferred version, but I disagree as it means one of my Top Favs is cut (and it goes against the Band's Intent lol). I'm only covering the Original UK Canon for the albums, except for [spoilers lol] MMT and when I gather singles together.

The famous serendipitous distorted image! It's sure conveying A Mood, though I can't say it's a favourite of mine. But I can say that it's possibly the cover I've seen the most, as the music classroom at school had it on the wall among several other non-Beatles records, though I persistently misread the title as "Rubber Soup" instead due to the placement lmao

SIDE ONE

Drive My Car: A bodacious and unique opener here, their first song with a Female Protagonist (if via a Male POV character)! Now only that, but one with ambition and confidence, which really makes this song fun. Even as a Car Disliker, I'm fully on board with the high energy and witty lyrics, and there's something infectious about Beep Beep, M-Beep Beep YEAH! The new Red Album version makes the instruments clearer like the cowbell and tambourine, and it's such a strong first song for this collection~

Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown): The famous Sitar debut! This one's narrative gives it a bit of infamy too, as it seems to be another tale of misread signals, but this one with a somewhat shocking twist at the end! Still, the music is very good even with iffy implications lmao. I also dig the waltz timing and clever description of the scenery.

You Won't See Me: I sometimes get this confused with I'm Looking Through You, as they're both Paul songs with pretty much the same jist. However, I'd call this one the weaker of the two. That's not to say it's bad, but the pessimist vibe and the song seemingly losing energy as it progresses make it less of a bop than the sister song, to me at least.

Nowhere Man: I would like to tentatively claim this song as my Favourite of The Beatle's whole catalog. For one thing, it's their first Original that is NOT about love/sex/"dancing" lmao, which makes it more relatable on top of an already empathetic tale. Hmm... the songs John writes quickly after an art block are real easy to relate to for some reason! ^^;; - The Electric instruments meant the song was omitted from the US version of RS, as they were going for an acoustic only feel. Some people think that was a cool idea, but if it comes at the cost of Nowhere Man, I can't agree!! And of course, while the song is another one of John's autobiographical #mood tunes, the use of this in Yellow Submarine as Jeremy's leitmotif and that gorgeous, lovely animated sequence help this one stick in the noggin even more. I always look forward to hearing it~

But anyway, the music itself has SUCH a beautiful distinct feel to it too, the spoken word intro before the Twang of electric guitar kicks it off! The simple but steady driving bass and drums with beautiful little rolls periodically, the way the song repeats and goes back on itself~ I appreciate how the narrator does offer a little bit of reassurance, too... the Nowhere Man might be going in circles, but there's still hope and potential aid to be found...! Opportunity lies in front of you as long as you can find a path!

Think For Yourself: Here's George's moody number for the album! The buzzing bassy twangs offset by the jingle of what I presume is a tambourine, to match his disinterested lyrics about rejecting someone too keen on hearing his take on things. It's solid and distinct but we still have a ways to go before Peak George (at least, those are my own thoughts, dohoho).

The Word: Hmmm.... this kinda feels like a beta test for what would later become All You Need Is Love, albeit with a decidedly different backing music flavour. Unfortunately the lyrics aren't doing it for me, somehow it feels more repetitive and a bit droning, even though (like AYNIL) it's sending a positive message and psychedelic vibe.

Michelle: I love this one, it's so warm and quite sweet. I'm bad at French so the small amount sprinkled in here sounds convincing enough, I think he's saying something like "My Beauty" "[something something] Very Good Combination" and other such phrases. There's a curious atmosphere, like Paul's already kind of come to terms with the inevitable failure due to the language barrier, but he's indulging in a fun what-if daydream. The loud guitar twangs and gentle pace really sound lovely too~ (Note: Upon googletranslating the French I was a bit off lmao)

SIDE TWO

What Goes On: I want to like this song. I want to enjoy so bad, but I'm afraid I'm struggling to. The backing music is great, and the story being told is solid (if in a Beatles For Sale type scenario lol), but the title getting drawn out over and over kind of irk me. Maybe cause that's where the Harmonies get put instead in a better part of the song? I'm a certified Ringo enjoyer but this doesn't seem to be highlighting his strengths the way previous and future songs do.

Girl: I'm not into ASMR so the part where John goes right up to the mic to suck in air doesn't please me at all! XD;; The rest is fine, I like the gentle guitar rhythm, and the lyrics are clever, but when I keep cringing away from the speakers, it does rather affect my enjoyment of a song.

I'm Looking Through You: Hey, it's the sister song to You Won't See Me! I think this one is a bit stronger. I'm also inclined to wonder if Paul's recurring vagueblogging in song form about his dissatisfaction about his relationship to Jane Asher raised any red flags? I mean damn, twice in one album?! And again in the next one? Still, this one has groovy backing tunes and memorable lines, which YWSM lacked to me.

In My Life: This is another favourite for me! And yet again John's autobiographical lean makes a banger lol. This one is ambiguously framed, it's easy enough to see as Romantic but with how much the past people alluded to, I feel like it makes a better memorial song than the many Lover type numbers they've done. And of course, I must remark on the sped up piano/harpsichord(?) bridge/middle eight (???), as that really gives this already more unique song another serving of special sauce~

Wait: This has suuuuch a great backing instrumental, and the vocals and lyrics ain't bad either~ This feels like (yet) another case where a perfectly good, solid song got overshadowed by the competition, and if it were a non-Beatles release it may've topped charts...! Not to say it's the best of the album or even a favourite, but it's Solid! According to youtube comments, this was actually rejected from the Help! sessions?! If true then that only reinforces my point about how odd the perception is, though it's also possible that they did some improving in the time passing lmao

If I Needed Someone: This one is fine too! I don't have as much to say though, the lyrics are a bit wishy-washy but I can't fault the "Aaaaaaaahhhhhh" harmonies or steady drums :>

Run For Your Life: Oooouuugggghhhhhhhhhhhhh 😬 Isn’t it a shame when an incredible instrumental is tied to awful misogynistic words?! [AVGN Voice] What a shitload of fuck! What were they THINKING!? - Before I heard it I knew there was at least 1 incredibly iffy line, but that was wrong, it's the WHOLE damn thing!

I don't wanna come across as the Purity Culture type, who thinks there isn't room for Le Problematique aspects in art, but the entire song leaves not just a bad taste in the mouth, but it also kneecaps the album at the last hurdle. Rubber Soul is close to a no-skips album for me but this is a bummer. And it could have been amazing if it was less aggressive and unambiguously threatening. Homaging an Elvis line in a way that makes me wanna avoid Elvis songs too. Woopieeee. I know John came to regret this one, and again I emphasise it coulda been great if they didn't pick a shitty gimmick for the Words.

CONCLUSION

Best 3: Drive My Car, Nowhere Man, In My Life

Blurst 3: You Won't See Me, The Word, Run For Your Life

If Help! was the band hitting their stride, Rubber Soul is where they really pick up on speed! Almost every song is either fun, clever, beautiful or just plain catchy, and the ones I'm less into personally remain very strong. I still lament Run For Your Life and find the YWSM/ILTY twins a bit more of a drag, but they aren't numbers where I scramble to avoid the songs as a whole either. And on the other side of the coin are a few I'd call my faves!! In fact, this might just be my favourite album as a whole - if not in the entire release catalog, then absolutely So Far, but time will tell...! So, overall I must brand this album Amazing, while trying to keep in mind the next few that are similar quality but with different flavours, but one at a time XD;;

🪲🪲🪲🪲

The next collection keeps coming around, having some of the most beloved and iconic numbers within and being more of a twirl into the Psychodelic. Revolver shall rotate into position in due time~

[serenityseventeen]

♫ Individual Members Masterlist 2:

back to [navigation]/m.list list | individual mb m.list 3

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This masterlist does not repeat what other masterlists already have

Consists of ONESHOTS, IMAGINES, AND SCENARIOS

Stories with more than one part are in numbered order (from left → right or from top ↑ to bottom ↓)

❥ = my personal favs

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All members individually:

↳ S.Coups | Jeonghan | Joshua | Junhui | Hoshi | Wonwoo | Woozi | Minghao | Mingyu | Seokmin | Seungkwan | Vernon | Dino

(1/13 requested) Vampire Boyfriend Series - what vampire!seventeen would be like as your boyfriend & as vampires in general

↳ The Letter Box

Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before - inspired by "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" by Jenny Han.

You find a letter box consisting of thirteen letters you never sent to thirteen boys that you've fallen in love with and reread them.

S.coups:

↳ "Hours"

(request) both of you forget it's your birthday but he finally remembers

↳ "Because I Love You" ❥

(request) you flinch because of an argument with him and he feels guilty, telling you to slap him in return for making you flinch

↳ "Sulky" (ft. Jun & Mingyu)

(request) you visit him during practice and talk with Mingyu and Jun, causing him to get sulky and jealous

↳ "Kkeke" (ft. 1997 liners - Mingyu, DK, The8)

(request) you and Seungcheol like each other. You are friends with the 1997 line and they are always teasing you two about it. When they leave, Seungcheol confesses and asks you to date him.

Jeonghan:

↳ "Reassemble"

(request) after you flinch during an argument, he goes into the bedroom when your friends come; after your friends leave, you go to check up on him

↳ "The Other Side of the Door"

(request) Songfic: "The Other Side of the Door" by Taylor Swift - you two have an argument & you hate him but at the same time, need him so bad

↳ "Love Poem" | "Love Poem 2" (ft. Svt members)

(request) You are the princess of the Caerat Kingdom and Jeonghan is the prince of the Svuentin Kingdom. You two get arranged for marriage since birth but as the wedding day ticks closer, you find yourselves truly falling for each other.

↳ "I'm Jealous" (ft. Joshua)

(request) he gets really jealous when you get partnered up with your coworker for a three-legged race. extremely jealous.

↳ "I want to kiss you" (ft. S.Coups)

↳ "I want to kiss you, because I love you" (ft. S.Coups)

(request) you tell him that you want to kiss him seriously but you two are just friends...

Joshua:

↳ "I Like You" ❥

(request) you two are cafe workers and you like him and you finally confess to him

↳ "Gifted"

(request) you see his large hands and compare them with yours

↳ "Wonder" ❥

(Combined request) song fic: "Wonder" by Shawn Mendes - you two are friends but he keeps wondering what it's like to be loved by you, which leads to him unexpectedly kissing you

↳ "060421"

(request) you are sick and joshua takes care of you

↳ "Flutters" (ft. Svt members) ❥

(request) you and Joshua like each other but are too shy to confess. One day, you two get stuck in an art supply storage closet and slowly confess your long term crushes

↳ "Fine" ❥

(request) you break up with joshua... :(

↳ "A Sweet Winter Night" ❥

(request) it's a cold winter night and you spend it sweetly cuddling with your boyfriend while eating yummy snacks and drinking hot chocolate (ft. Your first kiss w/ him + a bit of teasing the gentle sexy)

Jun:

↳ "Just For Kisses" (ft. Woozi)

(request) because of a collab, you and jihoon have to spend a lot of time together talking about music, making your boyfriend, jun, jealous.

↳ "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" ❥

(half requested) a fluffy break-day with a clingy Moon Junhui.

↳ "From a Small Glance"

(requested) you are exhausted from performing and no one notices except jun and he gets worried

↳ "Brother"

(request) brother!jun helping you with your homework

↳ "Special Boy" (ft. Hoshi & The8)

(request) You go to Jun's dorm and help him unwind after he had a hard and long day at practice (ft. Cuddles)

↳ "It's Okay"

(request) you get into an argument with your dad on the phone and Jun calms you down

Hoshi:

↳ "Horanghae 호랑해" ❥

(request) you two argue because it seems like he likes tigers more than you

↳ "Close To You"

(request) he gets a bit jealous and protective so he becomes clingy, handcuffing you two together

↳ "Dispatch's New Year's Couple"

(request) you are the oldest in your group and care a lot for your members and is afraid of creating a scandal that could harm the group. your members and boyfriend, soonyoung, comfort you.

↳ "Moonstruck" | "Moonstruck 2"

(request) you are a servant, working as the stable girl in the kingdom of Svuentin. You're best friends with prince Chan and one day, his brother, prince Soonyoung, comes into your life and starts to like you.

↳ "Spider" (ft. SVT Perf. Unit)

(request) you are on an idol survival program and for a performance, you decide to perform 'spider' by Hoshi, not knowing that he's a guest judge. (ft. A bit of feelings being developed)

↳ "Human" (ft. The8)

(request) Soonyoung is stressed and practicing really hard so Minghao calls you to go and help calm Soonyoung down.

Wonwoo:

↳ [12:07 am] with Wonwoo

↳ "A Warmer Valentine's" ❥

Because you have no lover, you also have no plans for Valentine's day. Your friend, Wonwoo, reveals that he does have plans for the day though. The next day, on Valentine's, he shows up at your door.

↳ "Heartstrings" | "Heartstrings 2"

(request) It's 1993 and Jeon Wonwoo is forced to study classical music by his parents. He meets you, the orchestra club's double bassist and begins to love music as he learns with you. He also begins to love being with you too.

↳ "UwU"

(request) you always call him 'baby' or by his name so one day you decide to call him something new, something like "oowoo"

↳ "To My Growing Child" (ft. Mingyu) ❥

(request) you two are shopping with Mingyu and his girlfriend and Wonwoo mentions that he's glad you aren't pregnant when you secretly was (this if fluffy)

↳ "Warmth Amidst The Snowy Night" ❥

(request) it's a snowy night and he is staying over. you notice that his hands are shaking from the cold and give him a back hug to warm him up.

↳ "Goal" (ft. S.Coups)

(request) you make a goal to win in an activity but everyone but you wins in an activity so Wonwoo decides to purposely lose so that he could see you happy

↳ "Beauty of Colors" | "Beauty of Love" (ft. Mingyu)❥

(request) soulmate au: everyone is born in a black and white world until they meet their soulmate. You and Wonwoo meet and your worlds burst with color. As you two hang out, you two fall in love.

↳ "Just Friends?" ❥

(request) your friend Wonwoo has never been on a date and asks you to go on a date with him as a friend but you try to make it realistic, causing him to see you differently as a woman

↳ "Starry Sea in a Healing Cocktail" ❥ (1)

↳ "Peachy Romance by the Blossoming Waves" (2)

(request) You're on vacation in the seaside and every morning, you get tea from the lounge bar, being run by the bartender, Wonwoo. He always greets you with sweet words and asks why you aren't smiling. Now, it's your last day on vacation.

Woozi:

↳ "My My My Darling" ❥

(request) while cuddling, you tell him how much you love him

↳ "Bonkers"

(request) you two are idols and are dating; he accidentally posts a photo of you two on his public Instagram account instead of his private one

↳ "Like Father, Like Son?"

(request) dad!jihoon: he takes care of his son alone for the first time

↳ "Muse"

(request) Woozi is staying up late trying to write lyrics while he's in writer's block so you go to the studio and tell him to go to sleep, ending up with you two sleeping on the couch

↳ "Hand-obsessed"

(request) you love Jihoon's hands so you cuddle with them, hold them, kiss them, and compliment them

↳ "Your Choice"

(request) You see your ex-boyfriend again and feel a bit of longing toward him. Your current boyfriend, Jihoon, notices this and decides to tell you something.

↳ "Moonlight in Unit 0526" (1) ❥

↳ "Sunshine in Room 0922" (2) ❥

(request) Jihoon is a ghost hunter, he could see ghosts for an hour and he uses this ability to send ghosts to the spirit realm. One day, in apartment unit 0526, he meets you, a human-like ghost who's been stuck in your lonely and cold home for who knows how long.

The8:

↳ "Faults"

(requested) you and Minghao get into a sort of silent argument and you flinch when he points at your phone + both of you fluffily comforting each other afterward

↳ "Galaxy in his Eyes"

(request) being clingy and fluffy; after two weeks apart, Minghao finally comes home and is clingy and cuddly because he missed you and loves you

DK:

↳ "Crazy"

(request) you and Seokmin are friends (he has a crush on you) and he invites you couple bungee jumping

↳ "Perfect: What It Means To Be A Singer" (1)

↳ "Perfect: The Process of Becoming One" (2)

↳ "Perfect: Imperfection Makes Perfection" (3)

(request) You and Seokmin are always in singing competitions, fighting for the first place. Suddenly, one day, Seokmin asks to sing for you, changing your relationship with him.

↳ "Idyllic" ❥

(request) You and Seokmin met through a mutual friend and enjoy watching musicals together as a hobby. One day, Seokmin invites you to watch "Marie Antoinette" with him but truthfully, he wants to confirm whether or not he likes you romantically.

Mingyu:

↳ "Criminal: Ruthless" ❥

(request) mafia au: you are captured by a mafia family as a hacker and he saves you

↳ "Cool" | "Cure"

(request) mingyu x doctor!reader; he gets injured and you care for him a bit. He likes you and thinks you are cool.

↳ "Reunion"

(request) you go to a high school reunion and see your former school crush and just as you were about to leave out of boredom, he stops you and you two talk.

↳ "Little Bits"

(request) Mingyu is your boyfriend and has never kissed you longer than a peck. You ask him why.

↳ "Off To School"

(request) dad!mingyu sending his twin daughter and son to school

↳ "Do You Know My Heart?" (ft. Hoshi & Dino)

(request) You like Mingyu and you are his makeup artist. You get switched and become Seungkwan's makeup artist, causing Mingyu to realize his feelings.

↳ "Maybe I Love You" (ft. Svt members)

(request) You two are childhood best friends and he is busy with work so you hang out with the members. After promotions, he wants to hang out alone but you two end up hanging out with all of the members...

↳ "I Like You Better"

(request) Mingyu, your boyfriend, sees that you have the vocalist of a rock band you like as your lockscreen instead of him.

Seungkwan:

↳ "Second Life" (ft. Joshua) ❥

↳ "Second Life 2" (ft. Svt members) ❥

(request) reincarnation fic: You and Seungkwan are in love during the great depression but you both die in a house fire. You two get reincarnated and you remember everything but he doesn't.

↳ "Beautiful Night" ❥

(request) you write a suicide letter but stop halfway; your boyfriend, seungkwan, finds the letter and immediately goes to find you

↳ "Thrice is Fate" ❥

(request) You never have a consistent schedule when it comes to visiting the cafe. However, you meet a guy in the front of the cafe by chance, but then you meet him again by coincidence. Would you meet him for the third time?

Vernon:

↳ "Sweetest Thing" ❥| "Sweetest Thing 2" ❥

(half-request) he is being tailed by a journalist and reporter and you help him by offering some strawberries...

↳ "Care"

(request) you are not feeling well after surgery and he comes to try and take care of you but you refuse because you don't want to be a bother

↳ "Just Ask"

(request) you two go on a date and you notice that he wants to hold your hand but doesn't (he's been wanting to for the whole day)

Dino:

↳ "LOVE"

(request) Chan likes you like crazy but you don't want to love him because you think of yourself as a burden and you think that he won't like you anymore once he knows you better

↳ "The Arcade Date" ❥

(request) going on a date with your boyfriend, Chan, to the arcade, competitively playing games, and making sweet, fluffy bets

↳ "Significance" | "Significant"

(request) you never really celebrated your birthday, on your birthday one night, you meet a man who is busking and he asks if it is anyone's birthday today (February 11th).

↳ "Promise for Eternity" ❥

(request) Chan on his wedding day with you.

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This masterlist has reached the maximum number of links available/is finished.

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-serenityseventeen

[madelion]

hey, i'm an artist (or so i'm pretending to be) and i absolutely ADORE your art style and the way you draw so beautifully. What are some tips or what is some advice you could give me on anatomy, use of color or digital drawing generally? I've posted my art like once but I was so nervous of what people might think of it I made something super different to my actual style, so if you scroll on my page don't find it because i hate it lmao

Anyway, I would really like to hear what's some advice you have to give!

Hi!!! First of all, thank you so much for your sweet comment it means so much to hear that 🥺

So my bIGGEST TIPS I can possibly give (this is gonna be long I apologize in advance):

1. always always always use references.

I cannot stress this tip enough.

Whether it‘s for a certain pose you want to draw: you can go on Pinterest/google to find poses, clothing ideas, hairstyles, lighting, scenery. use references for EVERYTHING. no matter what people say it is not cheating. Sometimes we luck out and we magically draw the poses straight from our brain, but honestly that’s rare.

And it doesnt all have to be from real life. You can take inspiration from other artist whose styles you look up to/admire. For me that’s viria94(Instagram), aleikats, alexiakhodanian(twitter), spidertams(instagram) and many others! Obviously you don’t want to copy your inspirations, but you can learn so much from just observing their artwork :) Your inspirations will most likely change dramatically overtime because your art style will grow as you continue to improve. These inspirations are going to be a mashup of things you like about each individual style. And eventually, you’ll learn how to incorporate some of those elements into your own art which in turn: helps you find your own voice/style with your artwork.

but also, don’t forget to not copy them exactly lol. It’s one thing to “copy” an art style as a way to personally practice in your own time (which is totally okay to do!) But there is definitely a fine line between practicing/outright copying and claiming it as your own work. I hope that made sense???

2. Redraws

this is something I only just started doing, but it has helped my artwork improve immensely. I redraw scenes from shows and movies that I love (which I will get to this tip in a second). And then because the scene is already set for you, it helps you not only practice anatomy (especially if you’re referencing real people), but also lighting, setting up compositions, and in general practicing this over time will help you refine your art style!

3. Draw from life

Not everyone has a realistic art style, nor do they need to have one. However, it is important to understand the ”rules” before you can break them. And what I mean by that is that by practicing realistic anatomy, you get to understand proportions/how the body works in relation to itself. Because even though everyone is shaped differently from each other, there is still an overall similarity we all have with one another. And honestly all you have to do will go into my next point:

4. watch tutorials

Cannot even tell you how many tutorials I have watched over the years. I will forever be on YouTube trying to learn how to do something. this honestly goes with the references section because it just helps so so so much. Having someone show you exactly what to do is so beneficial because they’ll move you through the exact motions you need to do to get to the end result. I remember when I first started really getting into art, I loved drawing realistic eyes and lips. so I watched tutorials of that all the time and now it’s pretty much second nature to me.

since you asked about the use of color, anatomy, and digital drawing… this is gonna be golden for helping you okay. I might have taken a color theory class a couple quarters ago at school… but trust me I’m still winging the whole color thing. howEVER, tutorials will be your best friend when it comes to these things I pROMISE.

5. TAKE BREAKS

please for the love of all things do not push yourself to be creative when your mind refuses to do so. some of our best work/ideas appear when we’re bored or doing something else entirely.

taking a break means go do something else you enjoy. For me that’s: playing my favorite video game, watching my favorite show/movie, reading a book, talking to my friends or family, baking, writing. just do something else!

the moment you try to force yourself to finish a drawing when you’re really not in the mindset to do so (unless this thing you’re drawing is for school… that’s an entirely different thing trust me lol), you’re just going to lead yourself into an art block. So many artists pressure themselves to draw everyday because yeah it can lead to improvement, but back in my anne with an e days when I felt pressured to put out fan art consistently for the show, it led me to what was probably my longest art block EVER. and it sucks because I ender up losing the inspiration to draw for a show that I loved a lot. So always remember to pace yourself and take care of yourself before anything else <3

6. Draw what you love

so often we feel pressured to draw what others want us to draw. But that shouldn’t matter. yes, it’s good to be aware of the people that may look at your art/follow your art account, but that should never dictate the work that you create.

for some people they love drawing original characters and creating stories, others might only love drawing animals, some people have certain themes in their artwork, and others, like me, purely like drawing fan art.

when you draw something you love, your artwork will always turn out better because that means you’re having fun making it.

and for me personally, I cannot whip out original characters for the life of me unless it’s for a grade LOL. So when it comes to drawing, that’s why I stick to fan art.

NOW I KNOW THIS WAS SUPER SUPER LONG but I really hoped this helped in some sense!!!

But thank you so much for asking, I’m always more than happy to give out some advice/tips :) I’m looking forward to seeing more art from you!

[itsclydebitches]

Re the BTD recap: "the prose is still incredibly messy in places" "To be frank, it’s not that I think this is all particularly good… just not particularly bad either." If it's not too much trouble, can I get some concrete examples for why? I feel like I often don't notice this sort of thing, so I want to know what I'm missing. Might help me to be a better writer.

Challenging request, anon! :D I feel like I need a few disclaimers here: 

The book is serviceable. It’s just not going to be winning any awards. Talking about how the prose and dialogue can be better isn’t meant to translate to, “This is the worst thing ever written.” Because it’s not. 

This is very much a pot calling the kettle black situation. Anyone here has the capability of hopping onto AO3, finding a horribly written passage of my own, and shaking it in my virtual face. So this is likewise not intended to be me standing atop a pedestal going, “Anyone - myself included - could do better.” I often can’t do better because writing is hard. 

I’m not a creative writing instructor, thus it’s often difficult for me to articulate why I think a piece of literature doesn’t read well. If you’ve ever, say, come out of a movie with a strong sense of it not being “good” but can’t easily explain why it failed? It’s similar to that. By consuming lots of media we get a sense of “quality” over “badly written” that then informs our reactions to new texts, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to boil that response down to, “See here on page 3? They shouldn’t have done this. Fix that and it’s ‘good’ now.” 

Nevertheless, let’s try. I’ll take a passage from the prologue where Sun is facing off against these “goons” 

Two glowing clones of Sun flared into existence, one facing Pink and the second squaring off against Green. That left Brown—whom he figured was both the leader of the group and the most dangerous. Why? Because he was hiding the most.

Brown slashed a hand toward Sun. “Take him.”

“Which one?” Green asked.

“The real one,” Pink said. “These are just flashy illusions.”

Sun directed one of his clones to punch Pink in the face.

She blinked and looked more annoyed than hurt.

“That’s no illusion!” Green reached for clone Two.

Sun’s clones were physical manifestations of his Aura, every bit as capable of inflicting damage as he was. But it could be difficult to control them, especially while he was fighting. They were better suited to giving him the element of surprise, extra pairs of hands, or emergency backup when he needed it.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t sustain them long, and they couldn’t take much damage, as they drew Aura from Sun himself. If he kept them going too long, or tried to create too many clones, it usually weakened the Aura shield protecting him. But he’d improved a lot with training, and his Semblance was a lot stronger than it used to be.

Sun whipped out his gunchucks, Ruyi Bang and Jingu Bang, spinning them as he and Brown circled each other slowly. At the same time, Sun was fighting Pink and Green through his clones. Pink was some kind of boxer, dancing around and jabbing with her fists, which One was managing to block. Meanwhile, Green was trying to grab Two and wrestle him to the ground.

Brown had some kind of martial arts training similar to Sun’s—but he wasn’t nearly as good. Sun leaned back as Brown did a high roundhouse kick; he felt a breeze as his opponent’s booted foot swept past his nose with a lot of power behind it. Sun flicked his right gunchuck to loop it around Brown’s ankle and pulled him out of his stance, hitting him with the closed gunchuck in his left hand. The man took the full blow, but it didn’t even faze him.

Now let’s break down some of the reasons why this passage doesn’t work for me. I’ll work chronologically. 

As mentioned in the recap, it’s rather awkward for a PoV character to ask and answer their own questions. Especially when they’re not presented as literal thoughts. The “Why? Because...” takes me right out of the story. It suddenly sounds like I’m attending a lecture or reading an article. Sun believes X. Why does he believe this? Because of Y evidence. 

The dialogue is clunky. This problem is admittedly more obvious at other points, but there are a lot of moments where it doesn’t feel like this is a natural thing someone would think or say. Which again, is really hard to write. How people speak is quite different from how we think they speak and finding a balance between that (eliminating most pauses like “um” or “like” that would be too frustrating to read, giving characters more flowery language to serve the story’s goals even if it’s not realistic, etc.) is hard to nail. Here, Sun is often thinking things that don’t sound l like an actual thought in a panicked teen’s head.

Oh crap, Sun thought. I’m losing. How am I actually losing?

It just sounds like exposition. The reader needs to know that Sun is losing! So Sun will tell them that. 

The villains, so far, are a bit too cartoony for me. 

“You got lucky, monkeyboy,” Green said as he walked off, his companions following him through the cloud of foul vapor. “This time.”

Which is admittedly a matter of taste and does have some justification given RWBY’s early writing (think Roman). Still, it’s hard to take lines like this seriously, especially when we just had the group making fun of Velvet for cheesy quips. But the villain’s quips are supposed to read as daunting? 

Connected to Sun’s thought above, there is a lot of telling rather than showing throughout. For example: “She blinked and looked more annoyed than hurt.” There are ways of showing the reader that Pink is annoyed (indeed, just leaving it at “She blinked” would have gotten the point across) rather than resorting to, “She looked ___”. Another good example would be “ Sun leaned back as Brown did a high roundhouse kick; he felt a breeze as his opponent’s booted foot swept past his nose with a lot of power behind it.” You don’t need to reassure the reader that there was “a lot of power behind it.” The action itself - feeling a breeze, his boot passing close to his nose - conveys that on its own. 

To be clear, telling isn’t something you can’t ever do (break those writing rules!!) especially when sometimes you just want to be clear/convey something succinctly, but it is something to keep in mind. It’s another balancing act. Too much telling and the reader feels like they’re just being told a list of things to believe. Too much showing and it feels like the writer is trying too hard to make everything detailed, exciting, etc. Still, a good writer is going to be able to convey everything (Sun losing a fight, annoyance, a powerful kick) without feeling the need to remind the reader of things every few lines, “This is what’s happening. Don’t get confused!” 

After the fight starts we immediately get a two paragraph info-dump about Sun’s semblance. How it works, what his limitations are, and what that means for this fight. Again, show that! We’ve just started an action sequence. The fight is underway. The reader doesn’t want to get pulled out of the action for another lecture. Rather than hitting pause on the fun stuff to explain things, create scenarios where these details become relevant and can be shown to the reader. Right now we don’t care what Sun’s limitations are unless those limitations become important.  

We get another announcement in the form of “[Brown] wasn’t nearly as good [as Sun]” instead of (again) showing us that. Indeed, as I mention in the recap all the action that comes next contradicts this. So where did this assertion come from? If Sun knows that Brown uses a martial arts style similar to his then theoretically they’ve been fighting for at least a few seconds... but the reader doesn’t get to see that. Meyers was too busy telling us about Sun’s semblance. 

Finally, there are pockets of Meyer’s writing that are all roughly the same. Meaning, sentences have little variety to them. This isn’t a consistent problem (and it’s certainly not the worst example I’ve seen of this) but on the whole he could use a more engaging flow to his work, both in terms of sentence length and balance among actions, dialogue, descriptions, and thoughts. Otherwise you get prose that reads, “This happened. Then this happened. This happened next. See the length? It’s all the same. Very little changes. And the reader gets bored.” Again, not a consistent problem, but one he should keep working on. 

There are a number of other, smaller issues that are beginning to pop up. Such as the in parentheses pronunciation of the teams’ names, or the overuse of “he sent” whenever Fox communicates telepathically. In contrast, there are things about the writing that I’ve enjoyed. There are moments of dialogue - such as Fox’s joke in Chapter One, or how Sun’s instructions to “find Shade” literally refer to the school but also remind the reader that shade, in such a hot environment, is crucial - that I think are worth pointing to and going, “Yeah. That was a nice touch.” Overall though? It’s that, “I just came out of a bad movie” feeling. There’s too much clunkiness throughout. The writing often lacks variety or feels absurd. I’m taken out of the story more often than I fall into it. Is it the worst thing I’ve ever read? Far from it, but fans aren’t wrong when they say things like, “I’ve read better fic than this professional story.” 

[thuskindlyshescatters]

HI! I was wondering, when you make AMVs, are there some general things that you keep in mind or try to do? For example, synchronizing the changes in the clips or whatnot with the music. I'm kinda asking for advice, so I'd be really grateful to hear anything you have to say.

Ohhh, boy...

OH BOY,,,,,,,

This is probably gonna get really, really long, because I happen to be an aspiring filmmaker, so seeing someone ask ME for advice on AMV craftsmanship just makes my heart soar. So, thank you for that

Here’s a couple of my tips and tricks! Note that these are just my preferences, as many other styles and techniques are available to people who use different software.

You’re correct in the assumption that changing clips to the beat of the music (beat-syncing, as I unofficially call it in my head) plays a HUGE role in making AMVs. To make that smoother, I think that being able to see the waveform of the music you’re editing to is a great tool, because I know exactly where the downbeat I want to sync to is. As well as syncing cuts to beat, I think syncing the action within a shot to the beat, like someone blinking or their footsteps, adds an extra layer of immersion. This can be hard to do sometimes given the length of the shot, but the effect is worth it.

Sometimes beat-syncing isn’t precisely the way to go, however. Often, slow, soft fades are much more effectively when matching tempo adagio or slower, or quiet music. And never underestimate the power of a black screen; when the audience has just been hit with a pensive moment, give them time to think. I point to my “Bohemian Rhapsody” video for advice on both of these -- if it’s a slow song, slo-mo, fading, and sometimes straight-up darkness is the way to go.

Just for general creation advice, my “routine” for making videos follows thusly:

Choose the song you want to use. If you scroll through my channel, a lot of the songs I choose are 4+ minutes, mostly because songs that are longer tend to be about something. It’s hard to show meaning and create a visual story to a song with no relevance to the themes of the show.

Write down all the lyrics to the song and break lines according to when you want to change visuals, or make a note indicating when the shot will change (i.e. “One shot per downbeat”, which is usually hell to make and so fun to watch). 

Think to yourself, how do I want to organize these visuals? For example, will each verse go chronologically through the show? Will I follow the character arc of one specific character? Just trailers? Just Volumes 1-3? Just 4-6? If it’s a song with multiple “acts”, like “The Killing Kind” on my channel, the answer may be all of the above. Or none -- maybe just all the fights in the show! Just know that the viewer tends to associate chronology the best with the logical progression of a cluster of shots -- if I show the fight on top of the train, Cinder vs Neo, and the fight of the Grimm Reaper, your brain goes “oh, she’ll probably show the mech fight, or the fight with Adam, or the Silver Eyes sequence next” because your brain has figured out that all of these intense scenes are from Volume Six. This is why I find it annoying to do meaningless, upbeat pop songs -- action is exciting, but often when the entire song is action, you have to jump around a lot, and the audience quickly becomes lost.

Now it’s time to “block,” as I call it. For each line or phrase of the song, find the most appropriate shot in the context that you’ve just established (a character’s arc, a Volume, an episode, even), and write a brief description so that you, when you read those words, know what shot that means. I also tag the volume and episode it’s from. For example, some of the common shots I use are “Arm severing (3:11)”, “Pyrrha disintegrating (3:12)”, and even silly ones like “Cinder gets rekt (5:13)” that still get the point across, because I know what I mean. This step is where having an obsessive, encyclopedic knowledge of the show is pretty useful, especially if you want to avoid reusing shots but have the same lyrics as before to work with.

After that, you FINALLY start editing. I cut out ALL of the shots I’m using first by ctrl+F-ing the document I blocked in and going in release order, starting with the Red Trailer, all the way through 6:13. I find the shot and cut it at the very first frame and the very last. It doesn’t matter if it will only be used for 0.4 seconds (literally) -- having all 10 seconds of material may come in handy. Sometimes in this step I see an unused shot that might be better than what I originally intended, so a lot of swaps can be made. After that’s done, I put the shots in order and add the song.

Then you CUT THAT SHIT DOWN, SON. You might have 45 minutes of content before you start editing. In this stage, don’t add any sorts of transitions or anything -- just beat-sync the shots as well as you can, then go back and rewatch to see if there are things you want to fix. Consistency is key; sometimes, lyrics and the beat are syncopated, and you have to choose whether to sync to the downbeat or the words, and then remember that decision for the next verse. This step is my favorite part of the entire process, but it usually takes the least amount of time.

Once you’re SURE it’s properly synced, now it’s time for transitions and colors and whatnot. Transitions should always follow the tone of that part of the song -- is it fast? Is it full of movement? I’ve found that cymbal crashes and other high-pitched percussive noises are best accompanied by a flash or white-fade transition. I generally prefer more simplistic transitions; the meaning and tone of the song is more important to me than looks and showing off. Same goes for color editing; the eye expects to see an approximate parallel to what it’s used to, which means you better have a damn good reason if it’s suddenly going to be in X-ray mode. Obviously, black and white or washed-out colors are more somber or grimdark, and fully saturated colors are more jubilant. Mess around with it -- you have been a consumer of art your entire life, so at this point, your eye knows what looks nice!

That’s probably nowhere NEAR all of my thoughts, but that’s mostly how I do it! My best advice is to find what you love to do most about it -- for me, it’s beat syncing -- and study in AMVs you like to watch how they do it. Don’t plagiarize, but do imitate if it helps you learn, because I know for a fact that I learn something new from every video I watch and create.

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask them! I’m thrilled to receive them. And, if you're planning on making a video, shoot me a link -- I’d love to see your art!

[elsaclack]

Hi :) This might sound weird haha but I adore reading you talk about your writing, it's really inspiring and I feel like I learn a lot of things every time I read you talk about it (you know I'm a fan of your style haha). And anyways while I was reading your answer to your last anon, this struck me: "when i was outlining that chapter i think the only line i dedicated to the actual fight itself was “and then they have a crazy knife fight (good luck future me)”" and I wanted to ask you (1/2?)

(2/3?) do you have like any tips for writing a multichapters fic? I guess from what you wrote here you outline the whole thing before you start with it? Or it depends or the story and sometimes you just go with the flow and see where it goes haha? Do you mind sharing some of your writing process of multichapter fics? :3 Bc I tend to get "bored" really easily and if I don't finish something in one sitting I usually never ever finish it. But also I'd like to learn how to take my time sometimes

(3/3) and idk maybe learning how to properly "get ready" to write something long would help haha. I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense at all but yeah in any case just thank you for blessing my nights with your fics and killing me over and over with feels, I'm sure I said it before but you (and all of the amazing writers this fandom is blessed with) are a true inspiration!!!

you are SO sweet to me i die fhflkdsjf

i’m gonna go ahead and throw 100% of my answer under the cut because i haven’t even started yet and i know this is about to be. So Long. i am sorry in advance lmao

there are a couple of different aspects to this ask that i want to touch on so i will be as brief as possible but as i have proven twice over tonight alone, i am really not capable of that lmfao

i’d say first and foremost, the biggest thing you can do to help yourself in this arena is figure out how to best discipline yourself. which SUCKS it’s like the worst most mom answer ever but in all honesty, developing discipline in writing is what separates the “i could write a book” people from the people who actually do write books. everyone is capable of writing, but not everyone has the discipline or patience to do so. long-form narrative requires even MORE discipline than a one-shot (or even a long one-shot) because it’s like you said, it requires the author to come back over and over and over again to write new material and edit existing material and figure out a way to cohesively connect everything they’ve written into one consistent narrative, and some people have a much harder time with that than others do. there’s nothing wrong with that either way!! the world needs short stories just as much as it needs longer stories. but if you’re wanting to work on writing longer-form narratives, working out a way to best discipline yourself should probably be your number-one goal.

that kind of brings me to my next point (and also ties in part of what i was talking about in that other ask) - comparing your writing style, your progress, your everything to other writers will only lead to heartache for you. when i first started reading and writing for b99 i came across a specific author (who is now one of my dear friends) whose fics were just. next-level works of art. and while i read through just about everything she’d written for b99 and LOVED every single one of them, i found myself getting more and more down on my own writing, because i knew i’d never be able to write like her. but the more comfortable and confident i got in my own writing, the more i realized that it’s less about writing more like That Person and more about developing my own style (my favorite comparison to make between my writing and hers now is that hers are like beautiful and intricate fairy tales, and mine are more of a smokey back room at a bar where a guy is sitting alone at a table and he says “come here and listen to this story.” they’re both Very Different, and perhaps have varying audiences, but one is not inherently Better Or Worse than the other). all of this to say, if you’re working as hard as you can and being really disciplined but still find yourself struggling with writing a multichap, THAT’S OKAY!!! there’s NOTHING wrong with that!!! your writing, however short or long, serves an INCREDIBLY important purpose within the fandom as a whole and no matter what, there will ALWAYS be an audience for your writing.

so okay as for the actual Advice!!! i actually have a couple of steps that i usually follow prior to actually Writing the first chapter of any long fic i’ve written (or am in the process of writing...@king and lionheart yikes). i have yet to really find any consistency in how i think of ideas for multichaps - so far the idea every multichap i’ve written has come from a different source (which is actually kind of Frustrating for reasons i won’t get into). but basically once i actually have An Idea, i’ll take a day or two to kind of think it over and flesh it out as much as possible. if it really starts expanding in detail and an actual Story constructs itself around the idea, i’ll move on to the next step, which is to find a few trusted mutuals here on tungle.corn and say “heyyYYY CAN I YELL ABOUT AN IDEA I HAVE FOR A SECOND” and then spill everything i’ve thought of so far. usually i can tell if an idea will live or die based on these conversations - if the other person is Into It and we start sort of developing the world within the chat, i know it’s time to really sit down and make an effort to pursue the fic. in that case, i will go and copy&paste that part of our chat into a google doc and i’ll build an outline in a separate doc. i used to despise outlines and i would refuse to do them in high school, but once i got into writing as a hobby and i started pursuing longer narrative forms, i tried once or twice to write a multichap without an outline and i just forgot a lot of the details i originally wanted to include, which left me feeling really frustrated with myself and with my writing. i came to realize that outlines kind of a necessary evil, so in writing them i made them as fun for me as possible (i.e. the “good luck future me” line from the king and lionheart outline i mentioned lmao). now i love them and i have them open at all times while i’m working on writing a new chapter.

so i know that i started this off by saying that writing multichaps requires a special kind of discipline, and i stand by that, but also...writer’s block and real life responsibility and just plain exhaustion are all Very Real Things, and they take precedent over keeping up with a publishing schedule (if you’re so inclined to make one of those for yourself). when i started writing king and lionheart, i didn’t know at that point that i would be headed back to school in the spring, and thought that i would have all the time in the world to write. right around november, i realized that i would be going back to school - that’s about the time i took an unofficial hiatus from writing king and lionheart, because i knew trying to keep up with writing that fic the way that i want it to be written and all of the intensive and demanding coursework was going to kill me. taking a step back from posting and coming back to it later is okay. i know i talk a lot about feeling guilty for not having an update for king and lionheart (and the cancer au before it) but in all honesty i know that it’s okay for me to take some time and deal with my real life. and, you know, it’s also okay to lose inspiration for a while and to take a step back until that inspiration comes back. i think it’s that fear of not being able to take longer breaks between updates that scares a lot of people off from even trying to write a multichap - as the queen of procrastination, i am here to tell you that it is 100% okay to start a multichap and to take a break and come back to it when necessary!

writing a multichap is very much like running a marathon - it requires a different kind of energy than a 400 meter sprint or a 1k fluffy oneshot. it’s gonna hurt and it’s gonna suck and there are gonna be times when you’re ready to just quit writing altogether. but there will be parts that are really fun and really easy and you’re gonna get some really great views along the way - and at the end when you cross that finish line and you’re able to check that “complete” box on ao3 before you post the last chapter, you won’t remember the parts that sucked. trust me!! i wouldn’t write as many as i do if the actual shitty parts of the writing process negated the good things that come from writing it and sharing it with other people!

it’s also worth noting that just because you get bored with an idea doesn’t mean that you can’t pick it up again later!!! honestly the first 2 or 3 paragraphs of on your heart like a tattoo sat in my google docs for MONTHS before i randomly decided one day to open it and take a crack at finishing it, and to this DAY i’m still getting people regularly commenting on it. every idea has its purpose and its place, even if it doesn’t always immediately seem like it.

i really hope this helps and i’m sorry if it doesn’t!!! you are such a kind and wonderful person and i absolutely adore you

[sally-mun]

As someone who hasn't, wouldn't, and won't be experiencing Major/Minor (or whatever it was called) could you perhaps analyze more specifically some of the things you felt were missteps more in depth, so others who decide they might want to make a visual novel or even just a story, might be able to avoid the same issues? I realize this might not be your area of interest, but I'm always interested in these kinds of analyses.

Man, where do I even begin.

I suppose I should start by saying that this game could have been fine; I don’t necessarily hate this game for the story, even if I think it’s uninspired. I play lots of point-and-click games and usually enjoy them (even the stupid ones) so long as they have merit in one area or another. But that’s the core of the problems with Major/Minor: It has NO merit to work with. Its construction shows absolutely no understanding of this genre of game design. Or of writing. Or of entertainment in general. Or of simply respecting one’s audience.

First and foremost, let’s discuss visual novels.

The critical difference between a novel and a visual novel is interactivity; a novel is a set and done deal that takes its readers along for the ride, whereas a visual novel invites the readers to be part of the ride itself. The direction of the story is influenced by the player, and this allows them to personally take ownership of later events. It’s the sort of game that tries to put you in the role of the protagonist in the most direct form possible. Like other first-person games your view as a player is exactly that of the character you’re playing, but in a VN’s case it’s like reading a comic book in a choose-your-own-adventure format.

Major/Minor not only fails on both the visual and novel elements, but it also fails when combined as a visual novel.

1) Visual

For the most part, visual novels don’t have a lot of action. They primarily consist of conversations with NPCs and usually take place in static locations. For this reason, both the characters and the environments need to have a lot of personality. Players need to feel like they’re actually having conversations with the characters and that they’ve entered a unique location that sees real use. This is the red, meaty center of how VNs engage and gratify their players.

Designing characters in a visual novel is about more than giving each one a different face; it’s about giving each character enough of a range of actions and emotions to sell the idea that the character is actually interacting with you, and in a way that’s truly unique from every other character. In real life, people do all sorts of crap when speaking: Our expressions change, we gesture with our hands, our posture varies, and sometimes we even have small ticks associated with certain topics or emotions. Between these visual cues and the actual discussions themselves, players ought to know the NPCs well enough to be able to describe them like real-life friends by the end of the game.

This brings us to Major/Minor’s first serious offense: Every character has one face. Typically in a VN, each character has a minimum of half a dozen expressions, poses, and gestures/ticks to match the different emotions they’ll need to exhibit over the course of their conversation topics. The characters in Major/Minor can only make a single expression and pose throughout the entire game, which immediately leads to some seriously disjointed discussions. It’s hard for me to take a character seriously when they say they’re angry with me when the art staring through the computer screen is bright, cheerful, and apparently mid-laugh. Sorry, NPC #672, I really don’t care that you’re allegedly on the brink of tears, because your singular piece of character art is so smarmy and mischievous that I forgot you were trying to tell me something tragic.

What makes this even more annoying is that most of the characters DO have a secondary piece of art, but it’s only ever used ONE time as an introduction to a new character before the game chucks it in the bin and we never see it again. Each character COULD have had at least two expressions if the dev had planned his commissions carefully enough, buuut instead he chose to get two shots that are barely distinguishable from one another so there could be a ~=*FLOURISH*=~ when we see someone for the first time. Granted, two per character still isn’t anywhere near enough, but it’s a hell of a lot better than just one! It makes me wonder why he bothered to spend the money on a second image for each character at all, since half of these commissions only get about 10 seconds of screen time. What a waste.

And hey, speaking of wasted opportunities, let’s talk more about the environments! Lots of visual novels don’t spend much energy on their backgrounds, and although that’s usually fine (albeit not my first preference), Major/Minor seriously needed to think more about its settings. For the moment I’ll ignore the laziness of the fact that the backgrounds are generic photos with a blur filter over them; what’s more important is that this game loves to tell us all kinds of random crap about the rooms we’re in, especially during the scenes that take place in Japan. This game would’ve benefited dearly from simply having more detailed backgrounds and just letting us observe the goings on of the room on our own. Y’know, because that makes it more... visual.

Honestly, if it were me, I would’ve taken it all a step further and gone full-blown Ace Attorney on the environments. In AA games, investigating the scene is very important because you have to look for clues. I’m not saying Major/Minor needed to let you hunt for items, but I do think that it could’ve cut a ton of random information from the text by simply letting us inspect the backgrounds. That way the players that want to know what a kotatsu is can find out on their own time and players that already know or don’t care can move on.

Something else that would’ve brought the game a much-needed boost of interest is cut scenes. As noted earlier, visual novels don’t tend to have a lot of action, so when something physical DOES happen, it makes an impact. One way to maximize that flash of excitement is with a cut scene – or at least, the visual novel equivalent of one. A “cut scene” in a VN isn’t typically a full motion video like most video games boast; it still makes use of a static image, but it’s an image whose quality far surpasses that of the rest of the art in the game. Maybe it’s abnormally large and the camera slowly pans across for dramatic effect, or maybe it’s a scene drawn from an interesting angle that isn’t the player’s POV. Some games take this even farther and really do animate their cut scenes a bit (usually on par with a nice animated gif). Lots of VN cut scenes make use of sound effects or action-specific music cues to keep the player emotionally involved with the scene, as it’s a moment that’s out of the player’s control.

Major/Minor, on the other hand, does none of this. Much like the drought of facial expressions, the game simply pelts you with paragraph after paragraph to tell you about the events taking place around you, rather than simply letting you see for yourself and be, y’know, involved. Even a handful of cut scenes that had some real effort put into them would’ve really given this game some pep. Not only would it have kept me engaged as a player, but it would’ve weeded out even more unnecessary narration.

Oh, and speaking of weeding shit out of the text…

2) Novel

The writing in this game badly, badly needed to be edited. Like, so badly it makes me physically hurt from how poorly this text is constructed. I’m not talking about the simple things like misspellings and failed capitalizations, I mean BIG mistakes, like sentence fragments and improper conjugations and completely misusing some words all together. It’s also excruciatingly repetitive. Never in my life have I ever seen prose that recaps itself so frequently – sometimes literally within minutes of the event that it’s reminding you of. It even recaps itself within the same block of text a few times.

It’s pretty obvious the dev never allowed a seasoned editor to proof the text, but it’s so unbelievably bad that I’m not even sure the dev himself ever gave it a second glance. It reeks of being a first draft that was never once revisited; actually, it strongly reminds me of the sort of stories I myself wrote when I was about 13. At that time I wanted so badly to write big, dramatic stories! Stories that had deep themes and lots of intrigue! With a complicated plot and several subplots!! And lots of characters that would all totally be different and completely matter!!!! But the problem was I was so wrapped up in wanting to make my stories big, impressive epics that I stretched myself way too thin and everything came out incredibly shallow. It’s honestly kind of eerie to think back on the things I wrote as a kid while I play this game. The similarities are so striking that I can’t tell if this is something the dev wrote at that age and just never decided to polish, or if he did write it as an adult but has the writing skill-level of a teenager.

But honestly, I’d overlook all the technical flaws and melodrama this guy could throw at me if he would just show and not tell. “Show, don’t tell” is one of the oldest rules in the book when it comes to storytelling, and for good reason: Telling instead of showing is not only fucking boring, but it treats the reader like an idiot. If a writer knows what they’re doing, they shouldn’t have to tell, because they’d just demonstrate those things instead.

For example, let’s examine another huge flaw with the writing: Incredibly shallow characterizations. Early in the game the player meets a character named Rook. Rook is very rude. I know this because the game tells me. All. The. Time. I legit don’t remember how many times the game has mentioned that Rook is rude at this point. The dev seems completely oblivious to the notion that you don’t have to tell the player these things. You can just… write Rook as being rude. Trust me, my dude, I can figure out if a character is an asshole or not. Not only can Rook’s rudeness be demonstrated by how he treats me as a player, but it can be further reinforced by other characters reacting to him in a put-off manner. If you’re so concerned that I won’t pick up on the fact that Rook is a rude person just based on how he behaves, then you’re doing it wrong, end of discussion.

But then, as I said, the characterizations are shallow in general. Everyone tends to have their one basic trope and the story rests on the idea that you know what the character is. None of the scenes go out of their way to really dig into who someone is – which is kind of amazing, honestly, since the prose is so obsessed with making sure you know the most inane and unrelated shit half the time – and even after I’ve known a character for several chapters they still feel like a cardboard cut-out to me.

To be honest, I’m kind of impressed by the sheer volume of ways that Major/Minor fails at showing instead of telling. It tells you what characters are like instead of just letting you interact with them, it tells you about the places you visit instead of just letting you view them, it tells you every single time the characters have a mood shift or expression change because it couldn’t be bothered to give them each more than one face, and it hamfists unnecessary information into the script where it’s unneeded and interrupts the scene – and THEN, it makes SURE you notice that it’s telling instead of showing by repeating those things over and over and over again!

All of this is further exacerbated, by the way, because the dev has no idea how to tell a story in the first place. Even with all the above flaws, I miiight have still been able to enjoy this game if it was just a compelling narrative in any sense of the word at all. I will happily deal with poor construction and telling-not-showing if the story still has some intrigue. Even a flawed story can have a mind-blowing plot and keep you reading just to find out what happens next, right? I thought so too, until I realized that Major/Minor goes SO far out of its way to spoil its own plot that it frequently makes you sit through scenes that you, the protagonist, are not even present for. Yes, in a game that’s built upon being a first-person experience, the story will slam on the brakes and take you OUT of the protagonist’s shoes to make you sit by as an observer to events that probably would’ve been an great reveal later on had the dev just kept his mouth shut.

3) Visual Novel

So the visuals suck and the writing sucks, but hey, lots of games get by without investing much in those areas. Could Major/Minor pull it together and at least give the player an interesting mechanic? Hahahaha no, of course it didn’t. As far as the gameplay is concerned, Major/Minor is so bad that in many ways I hesitate to even call it a game.

The cornerstone of visual novels is making choices. They can range from serious decisions that determine the overall outcome of the game or small cosmetic details, but either way, the core of this gaming style is putting the player in the driver’s seat as often as possible. When playing Major/Minor, however, the player is strapped into a straight jacket, blindfolded, and tossed into the trunk of the damn car. This game is so reluctant to surrender control of the narrative that it’s not uncommon at all to go through entire sections of the game having made no choices whatsoever. It fails so spectacularly as a visual novel that I’d be willing to bet that the dev had never played one before. He is astonishingly disinterested in what makes a visual novel enjoyable to the player.

There’s a principle in game design called Illusion of Control. The goal of this idea is to allow the player to feel like they’re in charge of the game while actually keeping them within strict boundaries. It applies to a lot of games, but it’s especially important in visual novels. Players need to be able to dictate how the story progresses, even if some of those choices make no real impact on outcomes. For example, players can enter conversation trees with NPCs that seemingly offer a lot of control – perhaps the player chooses the discussion topics, or can decide if they want to be shy or snarky in their replies – and yet at the end of the scene there could realistically be no change to the story’s progress. The greater point is that the player feels like they handled the conversation the way they wanted to. This allows them to still feel like they’ve gotten somewhere and that they accomplished something.

Major/Minor appears to scoff at the very idea of this, like the game’s worried you’ll cramp its style if it gives you too much power.The player is allotted no input whatsoever on how the PC treats the other characters, what subjects to discuss, where they’d like to go, how to react to the actions of other characters… It’s truly mind-blowing just how consistently the game misses opportunities to allow the player even the illusion of control. For example, there’s a scene where the player character (PC) is awakened in the middle of the night by a pounding on the door, and no options are offered on how the player would like to handle this. A better game might allow the player to choose if they want to pretend to keep sleeping, or call out to whomever is knocking, or try escaping out a window, or crack the door open to see what the person wants. Even if it’s an absolute necessity to the plot that this person enters the room, it’s still better to let the player choose, because there are a plethora of ways to redirect each of those options back around toward the character getting in.

Unfortunately, Major/Minor is just too damn lazy to be bothered with gameplay, and the PC just lets the stranger in with no input from the player. Soon after, the stranger attacks the PC, which would again be a prime opportunity for lots of reactionary options: The player could duck! Or the player could punch their assailant! Or maybe they could kick instead! Maybe they’d try to run away or call for help! Buuut no, Major/Minor really doesn’t care what you want YOUR CHARACTER to do, and it’s already decided that you’re going to put up no fight at all and immediately pass out. It’s by far one of the most unsatisfying things I’ve ever experienced in a video game.

The disconnect between the player and the protagonist is so extreme that I honestly don’t feel it’s a fair assessment to refer to the protagonist as the “player character.” It’s not uncommon for visual novel protagonists to speak in the first person, but in most games it feels like the PC is speaking on your behalf because they’re acting according to your will. The protagonist of Major/Minor decides so many things for themself that it stopped feeling like “my” character a very, very long time ago. This character isn’t me and never was; it’s the main character of a book that I didn’t ask to read, who very occasionally pauses to ask my opinion on something.

HEY HOWDY HEY SPEAKING OF PAUSING… If you boot this “game” up for a session, you’d better hope you have plenty of time on your hands to get through it, because you’re at the dev’s mercy for when you can save your progress. Being able to save anytime you want is a staple of visual novels because 1) people read at wildly different paces, and 2) for many people, excessive reading makes them tired. Not only that, but sometimes life just plain gets in the way and you have to pick up and go on short notice. Major/Minor ignores all of these factors and leaves the player relegated to appointed checkpoints throughout the game.

Now, I’m not necessarily saying that checkpoints are inherently bad, but they do need to be used very, very wisely. Any game (VN or otherwise) that doesn’t allow the player to save anytime they want needs to be sure checkpoints are reasonably close from any given location, and furthermore that they’re spaced at regular intervals. As I’m sure you’ve guessed by now, however, the dev flushed that idea down the toilet along with what was left of his common sense and parents’ love. Sometimes Major/Minor stacks save points practically back-to-back within the span of a few minutes, and in other cases I’ve literally played for over and hour before the game finally rewarded me with the option to save.

There’s no discernible pattern or technique that I can detect for when save points are bestowed on the player; you’re not even guaranteed an opportunity to save when the game switches chapters! I would say that I can’t fathom why the dev thought this would be a good idea, but let’s not kid ourselves here, it’s clear that the dev never thought this through in the first place. If he had, he might’ve noticed that players being uncertain about whether or not they’ll be able to save their progress discourages them from playing at all.

Also, before I fully move on from the game design, I just wanted to make a brief side note about the music. To be honest, I turned the music off a VERY long time ago, so I don’t even remember what it sounds like; however, I’ve read that all of the music in the game is from the free assets you get in RPG Maker. I’ve further read that the free assets (both audio and visual) were the entire reason the dev decided to use RPG Maker for this game in the first place, in spite of the fact that there are other programs out there specifically geared toward making visual novels. This is worth mentioning because it further highlights just how lazy this entire game is. It’s not a sin to use free program assets – that IS what they’re there for, after all – but when you ONLY use the free assets and then advertise your game on Steam for being sooo creative and original, AND have the gall to charge $20 for it?? Yeah, that’s a gigantic slap in the face.

Speaking of Steam, you’d think a game like this would’ve been weeded out by the gaming community for being the garbage that it is, right? After all, there’s a ranking right at the top of the page showing the proportion of good and bad reviews it’s gotten, and right now it says the feedback is “very positive.” I will say that I do take community feedback into consideration when I’m thinking about a game that I haven’t otherwise heard of before, and my misstep with this game has definitely taught me a valuable lesson. When I saw that the game is ranked “very positive” and I scrolled down to see several glowing reviews, I felt that was sufficient enough research to know if the game was worth my time and money.

However, upon trying out the game and realizing just how badly I’d been deceived, I did a little more digging. As it turns out, the dev is known for flagging negative reviews as “abusive” and getting them deleted, allowing him to effectively filter out the bad press so long as he can make some kind of a case to Steam. This debacle has taught me that it’s not enough to scroll to the bottom of a Steam page for user reviews, as those tend to be the most recent; what you do instead is click the “Read all [x] reviews” link, as those reviews are sorted by popularity. THIS is where you’ll find the reviews that the community has deemed the most helpful and informative, and in this case, it’s like night and day. ALL of the highest-ranked reviews of Major/Minor are negative, and the numbers are staggering. Literally HUNDREDS of people have ranked these terrible reviews as helpful, and most of them are in the 80-90% range on agreement. You have to load more reviews four times to find even one single positive post, and once you do start getting into the positives, the upvotes are significantly fewer.

SO, in conclusion...

I want to say that’s about all I have to give on this subject, but the sad truth is it’s not. I could probably critique this game line-by-line, moment-by-moment, if I really wanted to. Fortunately for my sanity, I really don’t want to. … Not right now, anyway. I’m sure I’ll lose it at some point and decide to go through and count all the missed opportunities in the game or something, but I won’t be doing that right now, thankfully.

So in the vein of others learning from the mistakes of this game: If you were thinking about buying Major/Minor, don’t. If you bought it a while ago during a sale and were thinking about starting to play it, don’t. If you’re interested in making a visual novel and wanted to learn from this game’s mistakes… Well granted there’s a lot to learn about what not to do, but still, don’t give this lazy, deceptive dev any more money. Learn from this guy’s shortcomings based on the feedback of players. Hell, read or watch a Let’s Play if you really want to experience it first-hand. Just please don’t buy and play this game. As a favor to ME, please don’t buy and play this game.

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[ladytabletop]

Hello!! I was the one who asked about where to find a group! I have a new question now, apologies if you've answered anything similar. So my friend and I haven't had any luck finding a grouo to join, so we've decided to start our own! I'm the one most interested in DMing out of our group, but here's the problem; I'm inexperienced. This would be my first *actual* game as a DM and I played one short session as a player once. That said: Any advice/tips/resources? ♡ Thank you!!

Hi there, so sorry about taking so long to answer this!

For your first game, there’s a couple important questions to ask yourself before you start. I will give advice under the assumption that you’ve already chosen the system you want to play.

First, how long of a game do you want to run? 

This is important mainly if you’re running something you’ve written on your own. It won’t necessarily be neat and easy, like saying ‘We will play exactly ten sessions.’ But knowing whether you’re looking to run a very long running game vs. a self-contained short can help you the DM when writing plot points and the like.

Second, pre-written adventure or homebrew? 

There are tons and tons of pre-written adventures for pretty much every system out there, whether they are published by the company that made the game or by enthusiastic players and GMs who put their own adventures out there in a published format. It’s worth noting that if you like something like Rise of the Runelords for Pathfinder but want to run it in DnD5, it isn’t too tough to adapt something from one system to another.

On the other hand, a homebrew plot can be really fulfilling! It requires a bit more work on your part, but it can be worth it. Keep in mind that you can start with a published adventure and veer into homebrew territory as you get more comfortable running things.

NOTE: a homebrew setting is a whole other beast, and here’s a post about that.

Also another beast: allowing homebrew in your games. If you’re going to do this, please please please talk with your players beforehand and make sure they know that balancing during the game may happen. Nobody likes to be nerfed, but if there’s homebrew that’s just outclassing everyone else, it has to be scaled back. Use your resources online, ask people to look over things you think might be over or underpowered.

Third, what style of game will this be?

Is it going to be political intrigue and espionage? A classic dungeon delving guild style? A Lord of the Rings-esque sweeping fantasy epic? A more modern fantasy fast-paced mystery? Seafarers and ship combat? A really dark game where things are serious, or a funny goofy romp?

All of these are great options, but be sure your players know a little bit about what type of game it will be so they can get on board! No one wants to bring a hardened vigilante elf barbarian with no stealth to a game that’s primarily social challenges and shadowy murders (actually now that I’ve said it, I do. but he would be thematically appropriate and not useless).

Now that those questions are answered, here’s a few more suggestions.

As a GM, it’s important to root for your player characters. If you’re the type of group that likes to play as GM vs. players, this campaign is deadly, that’s fine as long as that’s what everybody wants. But if not, you the GM need to challenge the characters without decimating them. Find out what their goals are and root for them in achieving them, but don’t make it easy! Help them have fulfilling character arcs and try to be familiar with their characters wants, flaws, past, etc. It’ll help you make things more personal in the plot, whether that be by making them run into an old foe or by helping them eventually trust people again, etc. Being familiar with the characters and what the players want for them will help you make the most satisfying game for everyone.

Remember that you’re a storyteller, but it’s not your story you’re telling. You can have plot points you’re attached to, NPCs you love, but ultimately, the story should be about the players. Let them shape it! Try to get them as involved in the heart of things as possible. Don’t make it seem like things can happen with just the NPCs, as though your characters are the bystanders. Let them be in the thick of the plot. This isn’t to say things won’t happen without them - they have to! But when things start really cooking, the PCs should be there, they should care about what’s happening, and they should be able to affect it to some degree.

Be flexible. Improv is a key skill for DMs. Not everyone is great at it, and that’s okay. That’s what online resources and prep time are for! But regardless of how good or not you are at making things up on the spot, you need to be flexible. Your players are going to change the way you think the plot will go. They’re going to surprise you. They’re going to (hopefully) have character arcs that change, and you need to adapt with them. You need to be ready for these things to happen, which honestly means being ready to throw out your prep and throw out the things you’ve worked on sometimes.

That being said, it’s important to do at least a little prep, especially if you’re running a plot heavy game and not a smash and grab dungeon crawl. This can be as simple as using index cards with bullet point NPCs, treasure, and monsters/encounters, or it can be as involved as writing out details about the setting and plot that you can read when it comes to the appropriate time and making huge complex maps and encounters.

Be consistent in your rulings. Sometimes the rules get debated, or you want a house rule at your table, or a spell is worded vaguely and there’s multiple interpretations, etc. In these instances, you get to say, ‘Hey, GM rules this.’ (I only recommend doing this after having heard arguments for why it could be ruled multiple ways). After you say that, stick to your guns! The rule stands, and it stands for everybody. Unless you really really think you were wrong later, in which case you should talk to your players and rectify things, you need to be consistent in the way you adhere to the rules so that no one feels cheated.

My last piece of advice for you is to always have open dialogue with your players. Get feedback on how they think the game is going. Get their predictions about the plot. Touch base about how their characters are feeling, what their goals are. Make it clear that if any players aren’t having fun/are having issues, they can come to you and you’ll do what you can to help. Just be open in your communication. And remember, everybody at the table should be having fun, including you.

Now that I’ve gotten through all that, here’s some resources I like to use for my games.

Donjon RPG Tools - this is my favorite of all time. Tons of random generators, from names to encounters to maps to treasure. There’s an initiative tracker, an xp calculator if you use experience points, and a dice roller. It’s really an all in one tool.

My resource tag has everything from inspirational art to interesting dungeon builds to how to incorporate linguistics into your games to answers to the question ‘How do I start a game?’ answered by other people. It’s really just an amalgam of collected resources.

I enjoy the Obsidian Portal campaign manager, and there are tons of others out there.

A lot of folks use the Same Page Tool to make sure all players and GM understand exactly what’s happening and what’s expected at the table.

I use the DnD5e Spellbook app (which of course is system specific, but super useful).

And other than that, I mainly just have pdfs of the system I’m using, a piece of scrap paper so I can note NPCs, locations, and plot points that the PCs encounter that may be relevant in coming sessions, notecards with stat blocks for enemies, a sheet to track PC ac, initiative, goals, and flaws. You’ll figure out the setup that works for you the longer you GM.

Good luck!!