#I think I dated avoidants final boss bc I’m literally also avoidant

[eatanorange]

Me: absolutely pathetic amounts of pining. Devastating even. Incessant. For someone with the emotional awareness of the lint in the bottom of my trash.

The ability to now relate to Silver Springs by Fleetwood Mac:

[willowistic22]

"It's Pacific, not Specific" for whoever you'd like?

Left this, and other prompts, untouched bcs online school is not letting me have time for myself most of the time wow love that :D no we don’t D: But I got this done finally and Im hopefully gonna be finishing more of the prompts quicker. Sorry for the delay guys! Fun fact: I wrote this and fully ignored my teacher lol. I am not a good role model I know but I live by that!

Requests prompts and a ship or just a character in general! Will take some time to get to them but I’ll try my best to do it :) Or not I’m not the boss of you hehe 

Years of dating and now nearly one year married, the couple hasn’t really gone on a honeymoon. For the entirety of their marriage, they haven’t gotten the chance to even travel. They say they’re busy, which they aren’t wrong. Getting used to a life with someone you commit to for a lifetime is a huge change, even if you’ve known each other for so long.

But now that they’ve steadied their financial situation, adapted to a new schedule, and fully decorate their new apartment, Mush insists they finally get to the honeymoon on their list of ‘cheesy things newly married couples do that I’m forcing Blink to do with me’. Blink laughed it off the first time he heard it, thinking it as a joke. It was definitely not a joke when Mush finally shows him the clipboard he made in his free time. 

Well, Blink isn’t going to complain. Traveling is fun. Now, deciding where to travel is a whole different thing. 

“France?” Blink pointed to the map of its location. He is seated in front of the kitchen island, while Mush is busy cooking them dinner. The sizzling noises mostly has his attention but he heard Blink loud and clear. 

“Paris, France? Or another city?” Mush called, slightly twisting his head just enough to get his voice across but kept his eyes on the food to avoid burning it. 

“Well, we could go to another city if you’d like” Blink explained, now directing his focus to his laptop as he types in the city name for further research, “There’s  Champs-Élysées, the Eiffel Tower, Notre-Dame, Louvre Museum...” 

“So the cliche touristy attraction” Mush simplified, twisting his body to face his husband. 

“Well, we don’t necessarily need to go to all the tourist attraction!” 

“Hmm... I heard the countryside is beautiful...” 

Blink leans his body, hope resonating his manner as he watches him intently coming up with an answer. 

“Maybe we should keep looking” 

Blink rolls his eyes and scoffs, slouching his back along with it. “Mush, I’ve listed 43 different countries all around the globe-” 

Mush laughs at himself, listening to Blink going on a mini venting session whilst also trying to suppress his anger. He fully stops his cooking to take a full look at the blond sitting behind the kitchen island. 

“-all with different characteristics from each other, by the way! And you’re telling me, you don’t want to go to any of those countries?!” 

Mush wasn’t sure if he was suppose to answer this truthfully. Because the truth is: none of the places Blink listed sat right with him for their terribly belated honeymoon. He isn’t sure why, some of those countries are on his traveling bucket list. 

Blink scoffs, jaws dropped down to the floor. He’s at lost for words and ends up not bothering to find an answer to that, dragging his gaze back to his laptop screen. 

“Well, I’m not saying I wouldn’t want to go there!” Mush defended himself, dropping the hand to his sides holding the spatula, “I just... don’t feel like it fits for our honeymoon... you know?” 

To that, Blink’s senses shot up. He lifts his face to give his husband a troubled look after hearing that statement, “How does ‘Bali’ not fit for a honeymoon? It’s a stereotypical beach honeymoon place!” 

“Well... I... I don’t know!” Mush said through his laugh, shrugging his shoulders with his hands as a means to show how clueless he is. 

Blink breathes out the frustration and back to his usual calm composure. He sighs, curving his lips into a small smile with a lazy gaze directed to the chef, “Why don’t you tell me how you’d picture our honeymoon looking like”

They fully agreed to commit to this honeymoon, so there’s no taking back this decision. So the least Blink can do is be patient with Mush’s indecisiveness. Though, he was already preparing himself for this before they were even married.

“I want to go to somewhere small. Exploring the country sides perhaps?” Mush said as he turns the stove off seeing their food is properly cooked, “But then there’s that small part of me that wants to go somewhere quite busy and play in the beach! You see my problem here?”

Blink breathes out a chuckle through his nose, shaking his head with a hand perched on the kitchen island to hold up his tired head. His eye contact with him remains all while Mush moves around the kitchen to set up their food.

“Hey, you mentioned Hawaii, right?” Mush said, “That sounds nice, y’know. We can look deeper into it”

As the sizzling stops the moment Mush sets their food on a serving plate, Blink’s typing on his laptop now occupying the void.

“Well, there’s a lot of things we can do there” Blink called out once the tab fully loaded for him to decipher.

“Yeah, I mean, there’s the cuisines, the culture...” Mush exclaimed while setting their food on the dining table, “... Just a quick trip across the specific ocean!”

Blink shot his senses up to that, not sure if he heard it right. He turns his body to see Mush by the dining table, minding his own business as if he did not just say that. A grin slowly formed on his face, “Come again?” 

“What?” 

“Say that again, I wanna hear it one more time” 

Mush’s confusion decorates his face upon hearing that. He stops his actions and wait for further explanation from him. 

“It’s Pacific, not specific!” Blink laughed out.

That just adds on to his confusion, tilting his head to the side, “Ain’t that what I said?” 

“No! You literally said ‘specific’!” Blink answered as he continues to laugh, “Is that how you thought it’s pronounced this whole time?!” 

Mush is still visibly confused. He could’ve sworn he said ‘Pacific’, yet his husband is proclaiming otherwise. 

“I did not say ‘specific’! I know how to pronounce ‘Pacific’, alright!” Mush finds himself getting sucked in to his laughter. 

Blink stops his laughing and looks at Mush intently with a sweet smile. The humor of it hasn’t left him but he’s able to hold it back to properly speak up, “Whatever you say I guess” 

The big question still looms between them but Mush pulls Blink away from his laptop to have a peaceful dinner. The spaghetti is going to turn cold if they don’t eat it now. 

“Mykonos!” Blink suddenly announced after swallowing his last bite, eyes lit up under the huge orange lights hovering over the table. 

Mush simply tilts his head at it. The sudden outburst got him confused since they weren’t having a conversation. Blink takes his silence, and still visible confusion, as a sign to explain even further. 

“It’s an island in the Cyclades group in the Aegean Sea. It has lots of beaches and can probably be considered as small” Blink continues on. He pushes his chair back and gets up while balancing his dirty dishes to put it in the sink for later clean up. 

Mush follows him putting away his own dirty dishes before following Blink to perch behind his laptop again. He shows Mush a small review by someone from their vacation to Mykonos he found in the internet. 

He reads the text carefully, squinting his eyes a little. Blink watches full of hope that their big question will finally be answered. 

“Okay, this should be fun!” Mush exclaimed, earning a sigh of relief from the blond on the stool. Mush simply laughs at the dramatic act before he walks towards the sink since tonight is his turn on doing the dishes. 

While the water flows down to wash off the plates, Blink can be heard typing away on his laptop now that he can finally proceed to the second step of their honeymoon plan. Mush occasionally answering the questions Blink asks to fill in more of the blanks. They’ve made much more progress in their plan in one night than the time when they haven’t decided where to go weeks ago. 

[callioope]

I’ve been vague about what has been going on in my life intentionally, both because I needed to tell some people offline first and because it’s a lot to process. 

But here is what happened: I am in the process of miscarrying.

I thought it might help to share my story. Miscarriage is more common than people realize and rarely talked about. If someone can benefit from my story, all the better, but mostly this is to help my grieving and coping process.

This is pretty detailed, so trigger warnings and all that.

Exactly one month ago, I read the results I had longed for: pregnant.

Today, I’m sprawled out on the couch in the most excruciating pain I’ve ever experienced. 

They don’t tell you that miscarriage is a process.

We’ve been trying to conceive since the end of last June. It was taking so long, I was convinced I’d be scheduling a fertility consultation this coming June. They tell you if you’re under 35, to give it a year. Before we started trying to conceive, I’d tell anyone about how time speeds up the older you get. It makes sense logically, of course, when a year is 1/5 of your life, it sure seems long, but went its 1/32, well... 

But this has been the longest eleven months of my life. The first month we started trying, I had an unusually long cycle. 39 days. I was so sure I was pregnant. My breasts had been hurting for two weeks. Husband and I were vacationing in Minnesota to see Aston Villa play. I bought a pregnancy test, beaming, excited, and was puzzled by the negative result. A week later, when my period came, I cried to my mother, and she said something about the universe saying I wasn’t ready or something. Whatever it was sounded bleak and ominous to my ears. It sounded like it meant I’d never be ready. 

The fall was busy and stressful, and despite all the tedious ovulation test strips, nothing happened except somehow, my period got lighter month by month. I was pretty sure something was wrong with me. I thought I had a UTI. (I was actually stressed and dehydrated, which I eventually remedied.) While I cried at a Sara Bareilles concert in November, my mother told me that her OBGYN said it can take as much at 9 months for the body to recalibrate after being on the pill.

Speaking of which. I’ve been taking the pill for over a decade. For the most part, I took it correctly. There is some leeway to taking it incorrectly, for the record. You can miss two pills in a row and it still has instructions for what to do (while cautioning to be safe and use extra protection). Maybe only once did I ever have to throw out a pack for missing too many in a row. 

(This is maybe neither here nor there, but rebelcaptain accidental pregnancy fics have become a bit of a pet peeve for me. Jyn and Cassian are far too careful and intentional to let that happen, and it is so easy to be responsible since there are so many birth control alternatives these days that don’t even require reliance on routine or memory.)

So, of course, the concern lately is that clearly 10+  years on birth control has messed me up. I do not know this objectively (what I do know is that I have OCD and anxiety and obsess over Everything That Can Go Wrong), but the point is that birth control really can have consequences that I don’t think are necessarily fully understood or studied. DO NOT GET ME WRONG, USE BIRTH CONTROL. My only regret is what I didn’t know.

I learned too late, but a lot of conception advice articles tell you to quit the BC as soon as possible. Even if my mom’s OBGYN is wrong, the general advice does seem to be that it can take up to 3 months for your body to recalibrate. So, if by any chance someone reading this is thinking about conceiving soon, if you take nothing else away from this rant, take this. I wish I had stopped taking the pill a few months before we actually intended to start trying.

After ten months of all this worrying, I finally got what I’d longed for. The moment I saw that positive result, it felt so surreal. There had been little things leading up to that moment, strange hints and signs, like I knew subconsciously even before a test would have been positive. I wrote that Howl’s Moving Castle pregnancy fic before I knew. I started learning “Here Comes the Sun” on my ukulele before I knew (it’s... silly, but I decided I wanted to learn the ukulele because I wanted to be able to play that song for my kids some day). It involves finger picking, so I’d been putting off learning it, but one day I just decided it was time. And finally, I decided to watch the latest season of Brooklyn 99. I’d avoided it because I knew Amy & Jake were also trying to conceive, and it was too emotional for me to watch that when I was so frustrated for how long I was taking. (Of course I didn’t realize they also had trouble, and watching it actually felt cathartic for me.) I got that positive result literally the next morning. 

I spent Monday, April 20, making checklists and spreadsheets. I set my first prenatal appointment for May 8. Those two and a half weeks were the slowest of my life. They stretched out like a rubber band. I couldn’t really focus on anything except this pregnancy I’d waited so long for. That’s probably why time moved so slowly. I wasn’t filling it with the hobbies I enjoyed, writing and playing my ukulele. All my overwhelmed brain could handle was the hilarious distraction of Community. Yeah, this is also around the time I disappeared from fandom. It was originally for a happy reason, I was just too excited to focus!

I know many women who have miscarried. The data seems to vary from source to source, but anywhere between 10% to 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. I couldn’t wait to get to the doctor to confirm everything was okay. I wondered if they would do an ultrasound; I dreamed of seeing a fetus on that screen.

We started talking about how we were going to tell our family. We wrote a pretend promotion letter for my sister, promoting her from “sister” to “aunt” (she’s a badass at her job and we had recently been talking about her promotions so it was thematically relevant). We planned to do a video call with my parents where we played Quiplash and created custom answers related to the pregnancy. 

But we never got that chance. On May 8, I went in for my first appointment. I’d spent the last three days sewing a mask because the ones we ordered still haven’t arrived yet. So all the time I would have spent preparing myself for the worst (as is my way) was spent instead distracted by sewing and finishing up Community. 

They took me to an office first and went over medical history questions. “Any morning sickness?” the nurse asked. “Not at all,” I said. “Should I be worried?” “No,” she answered. “Consider yourself lucky!” 

(For the record, many women who carry to term do not ever get morning sickness.)

(It was just one of those unfortunate exchanges.)

Then the exam with the doctor. All in all, it’d probably been 30 or 40 minutes by this point, all of this excited talk. I was going to tell my parents on Mother’s Day. My due date was Christmas.

I video call my husband just in time for the ultrasound. 

There was no embryo. 

The doctor said a lot of women are ovulating later in their cycles due to the stress of the pandemic. At the time, I thought maybe. Hope is funny like that, in the face of logic. It started to grow like a weed in the cracks of my breaking heart. 

But the thing is, even with that stubborn hopeweed, I knew. I’d been doing this for ten months. I knew when my last period was, I knew when I ovulated. I was 7 weeks and 1 day, and there was no embryo, and that was it.

The beginning of the process of miscarriage. 

Technically, it’d started a few days before that appointment, but I was distracted at that time. I’d noticed one morning that there seemed to be more hair in the shower floor than there should be. 

Dots started to connect. My breasts had stopped aching. Now, they started to shrink back to their original size. 

This happened over several days. I felt certain I would miscarry on Mother’s Day; fortunately, that did not happen. No, enough days had to pass for that hopeweed to prosper. Only then, when it whispered maybe would I start spotting and cramping. 

On Tuesday, the second ultrasound confirmed what I already knew. Not viable. Missed miscarriage. Technically, the prescription the doctor hands me reads “missed abortion.” “It’s just the technical term,” the doctor explains, acknowledging that many women might find this triggering. 

I don’t cry as much as I did. I only cry when I tell people. It seems important for people to know, just in case. Just one person in the relevant circles of my life. I had to tell my boss to explain the sudden uptick in unexpected doctor appointments. (I’m Rh negative, so I needed to go to the hospital to get bloodwork and a Rhogam shot -- and being in a hospital these days in anxiety-inducing enough without this trauma.)

It still feels surreal. All of this happened in one month. Somehow my life has changed completely and then reverted back. This is just a blip in my life, relatively, and yet it seems the longest month of my life.

In movies, in stories, miscarriage seems to go the same way: a flash of bloody sheets, a shout of shock and pain, and then grief. I never knew how it really goes: that it would stretch out for weeks, from the moment I saw that first ultrasound to now, twelve days later, just starting to bleed. I’ll have to go back for another ultrasound to confirm it’s done, and if it’s not, then I’ll need surgery. 

This speaks nothing of the grief. 

And then it’s back to square one, a whole year later: ovulation tests and endless waiting. 

It’s been a whole month; it’s been only a month, and miscarriage is a process. 

[bojokehorseman]

As happy as I am that Diane, Princess Carolyn and Todd got their happily ever afters and Pickles finally came around to breaking things off with Mr. PB thus finally forcing him to reflect I did feel cheated on a few things. Like the fact that we don’t really get to see Sarah Lynn’s parents getting punished for anything and getting a huge settlement offscreen. Bojack may have been the one to get her off the wagon but her mom was the one who pushed her into the industry at such a vulnerable age.

2/2 Also I felt that the issues with the Carsons haven’t really been resolved. I mean we didn’t see them in court, Charlotte has kept her husband in the dark about Bojack and Penny still has that card with Paige’s number. Also we haven’t seen if Paige went through with marrying Baxter and if the tension between her and Max have really been resolved.

My season 6 wish list in order:

Sarah Lynn’s Family

Kelsey, Gina, PC

PB

Todd

PC and Judah

Diane

Sarah Lynn’s family left a big hole in s6 pt two. They represent a big piece of how Bojack might have to really come to terms with what he’s done, the way he’s even hurt those that also abused Sarah Lynn’s innocence. It’s also an opportunity to round off Sarah’s character as someone who still had a life outside Bojack. Much like the episode on Diane’s father, I think Sarah Lynn is important enough to deserve that kind of depth.

Re Kelsey, Gina, Penny, and Paige: Just some gal pals banding together against Hollywood corruption. As I said, Bojack’s false sense of relief after his talk show confession could’ve been an excellent calm before the storm.

If enough other arcs build, I don’t think I’d mind Hollyhock’s anticlimactic (yet clearly dramatic) Letter ™

Mr PB’s existential crisis without Diane was so interesting to me. The show has always used PB as a contrast to Bojack: where Bojack is cynical, self-pitying and able to confront hard truths (re: wallow in them), PB copes with complete and utter denial, a kind of aggressive happiness that initially attracted Diane in her more pessimistic youth. The divorce, the affair, the broken engagement with Pickles, all of these come close to breaking him. Diane finds herself comfortable enough to straight up tell him he’s dating underaged girls as a result of his denial and we see old habits die hard in his support for Boj. Strangely PB’s relationship with Pickles features more POV scenes of Pickles? And their breakup while predictable still leaves us with as many unanswered questions as lost potential bc we never address who it’s PB’s worldview that’s ruining his life. Mr PB has taken a bankrupt Bojack in: the perfect opportunity to foil them and ultimately reflect on how they are both in denial in different ways

Apologies in advance to the Todd fandom but Todd is a character I find hard to stick with for longer than a one-scene gag. Esp in early seasons, he’s a deliberately unmotivated character who will literally go along with anything. His arc with Emily that broadened into a bigger story about his relationships was interesting. I was hoping for more of that with his mother: something complicated and serious to contrast the all over the place quirkiness, something to really ground his character in a whole new way.

The impression I get with PC’s marriage to Judah, her asssistant seems to be not only was he By Her Side The Whole Time but he’s the only bachelor who wouldn’t force PC to chose btwn a relationship and work. A big reason why this doesn’t resonate with me is that PC never takes the time to know Judah as a person, as an equal outside of work. Even in the rushed scenes we did get, Judah’s soon back to doing overtime for her. This begs the question of wether Judah really knows Carolyn either. We assume that because he’s the overcompetent butler-type and able to meet all her needs, that could easily translate to someone who can Provide for his spouse. But, and excuse me for suggesting it’s that deep, if this were a real relationship I’d say it’s dysfunctional at best, maybe insane at worst. (Thank god it’s a cartoon.) A relationship like this can’t be rushed. In order to be believable, we need more depth and more importantly: more scenes of these characters outside of work. Otherwise, all I see is a workaholic boss marrying her secretary, not to mention this is a total disservice to PC and her arc as a (cat) woman navigating her conflicting ambitions in Hollywoob

Diane: I’m surpringly pleased with Diane’s character growth. Despite the fact that most of her arc is inner monologue it reads very clearly: Diane’s path to happiness is to pay attention to her needs in the present not the past. It feels so complete that mostly I just selfishly wanted to see how great her life w Guy is in Dallas.... 👀

Speaking of arcs I liked I loved the Angela episode. It was a fleshed out idea that works by itself and within the context of the story all while still feeling like a total surprise. I love evil Angela

Lastly: I’m okay not knowing how Paige’s incredibly predictable romcom subplot ends but I wouldn’t say no to an end credits scene of her ft Margo Martindale

In conclusion: I wouldn’t diagnose BJH with straight up neglect unlike many other shows (👀), because so many of these seeds have already been planted, some of them seasons in advance, I really gotta wonder if its that the creators were pressured by outside forces. As a result they are jaded about their own art. We have gems like Angela and View From Halfway Down mixed in with indecision and avoidant anticlimactism posing as poignant ambiguity. There’s a good story in there but the moment has already passed so I’ll just appreciate the potential for what it is

[dreammutual-remade]

idol!you and lucas

request: please do a bullet scenario about lucas and his gf both being sm idols - anon

word count: 2.6k 

a/n: first of all,,,, this gif hurts me badly, seCOND OF ALL im so sorry for the inactivity !!  I have finals this week and I graduate really soon n ive just been v busy !!! also I had hella writers block trying to finish this ish up but I hope u like it anon !!!!its a lil hard for me to write as an idol just because thats such a Wildt lifestyle but I did my best ily

warnings: cursing n also some crying because god knows all of our boys prolly have during their idol days :(((((((

what’s up butter cup

let’s dive tf in

as a pre-warning thingy i’m making you a singer so i’m very sorry if you can’t sing i can’t either bby

alright so this story begins when you’re not even 16 years old and you audition for a bunch of companies

tbh you didn’t think you were /that/ good at singing or dancing but ???

all the companies wanted you??? you got offers from JYP and SM and Pledis ????? go off queen

we stan

anyways

you decide to go with SM since they produced leGENDS SHINEE

FUCK I LOVE THOSE GUYS

(binch if u went to JYP u literally could have been in TWICE ?!?/&.&. ABSOLUTE LEGENDS UR LOSS THOT)

also because you just think that’ll be best for you ?? idk we don’t judge here (i already did though i’m So Sorry)

on your first day as a trainee you’re in search of the female dorms and you just can’t find them

eventually you run into this,,,, Gang Of Adolescent Boys

they’re wearing dorky ass muscle tees and keep saying shit about “foreign swaggers”

(.... y’all already know who it is sjdkdkd)

and you’re Meek and New and Small so you’re like um, hellowherearethegirlsdormsplease

okay there’s four of them and they’re all fckin huge except for one

the Biggest One with the american accent points you in the right direction and you try to scurry away but end up smacking into the Second Biggest One’s arm because he moved in your way on accident ouchie

“god lucas why don’t you just run the poor girl over”

“hYUNG PLEASE”

“hehehhehe i’m just kiddin”

and you just kind of mumble that it’s fine and go on your way

okay so you train for three yEARS before your debut

and you def come out of your shell alright like you’re Extroverted and whatnot

you still see those boys and even make friends with mark and donghyuck and the Foreign Members

but the entirety of the group you met has debuted except Lucas

you’re not close but you wave and say hi when you see each other

you turn pink everytime from Emotions and also Holding Your Breathe Due To Anxiety

and he was cute years ago but he’s only gotten prettier with age dude

they recently dyed his hair to give him some Blonde Stuff and he looks reaLLY GOOD

LIKE TO THE POINT WHERE U HAVE TROUBLE LOOKING HIM IN THE EYE

but eventually you’re like hey now i’m a grown woman i can handle this giant childish man !!! quit that @ emotions

alright so you debut like, days before him no lie

you’re a solo artist bc idk

red velvet was full 😔🤟

anyways you’ve been filming the video for the past couple weeks and the concept is sort of filmy and shimmery like old sparkly anime water u kno ?

and you’re wearing similar stuff to what ten was wearing in the new heroes mv (BIG OOF) except less warm toned ?

like swishy sort of see through white shirts and spandex underneath

you’re a Beautiful and Skilled dancer so they have u all over the place with this choreo

on the FLOOR on the WALL in the AIR

no joke they had you in a harness doing cool swirly shit in the air this is the stuff of legends my g

but like the inside of SM ? is very cold

if you’re not filming you’re bundled up in a blanket and trying to rub the goosebumps out of your arms and legs

because you have to look all smooth and flawless for filming and those are two things goosies are not

luckily the song wasn’t a huge ballad because it’s rather hard to belt out long ass notes when you’re upside down lmao

anyways, the song is a bop and the mv is beautiful and you are wearing minimal clothing and although these are all nice things but also

RECIPE FOR DISASTER

the filming is almost done thank GOD

you’re taking a break from filming and you go out in the hall in your costume to go get another water bottle because ain’t nobody around to give a pre debut thot a water bottle 🤧🤧

your arms are wrapped around yourself when lucas jogs up behind you and throws his jacket around you??

literally throws it like you made an oof noise

“um ,? thank you that was aggressive”

“i knOw i’m sorry it’s just you are practically naked and it’s Cold in here and also walking behind you i noticed you were Very Exposed sO”

you turn bright red because that means everyone has seen your ass prolly and you duck your head and pull the jacket tighter around yourself

“oh! i’m sorry i mean you look uhh? really good ?? yeah you look good nOT that i was looking super hard or anything or that i uH saw aNything BUt if i did it would look good i’m sure nOT THAT I thInK about that ?$/&/“

and now you’re both blushing very hard but you feel a little better when you see he’s just as flustered as you

you brush your fingers on his forearm to get him to stop staring at the floor and tell him thanks and ask about when he’s debuting

he tells you the mv filming is done since they had to go Real Far Away to do it and get it done ahead of time and that the teasers will be out in three weeks and then the mv release and then its Show Time Baby

you’re excited for him and he’s excited and you debut really soon as well and he’s excited for you and !!!!!

there’s excitement all over the place

he’s smiling so big and his eyes are cute and crinkly and :(((((

you still got a crush on him /sigh/

one of the staff literally yells your name down the hall and you’re like aw shit that’s my cue lol

you leave him with with a lil squeeze of his bicep and you’re BOTH shook

him because ?? was that fLIRTING

you because ?? THAT WAS FLIRTING

also because his biceps are thicc i’m gonna cry

big baby stands there for like 3 mins just shook and with uwus oozing from his pores

you skrt very quickly to avoid the consequences of your actions and get back to filming

okay TIME SKIP

your mv was released and did GOOD AS FUCK

you didn’t hear it from me but lucas + nct boys were seen on vlive jamming the fuck out to your song

you’re backstage like 10 mins from going on and having an absolute panic attack

what if you trip ??? or your voice breaks !!:&::

what if all the reviews say you’re Trash live and that the mv was better since they edited

what if you FLOP AND HAVE NO FANS

NO ONE DOES THE FANCHANTS

FUCK FUXKFUCKFUXKCUDJ

so you do call the king of debuts

mark lee

and you’re like mARK FUCK IM GOING TO CRASH AND BURN PLEAS LLSSE DHELPD ME

he tells you to Calm The Fuck Down and assures you it’ll be fine but it’s not working and mark is but a young boy he don’t know how to deal with FEMALES

you hear some deep ass voice on the other side ask who’s on the phone and mark says your name and then the voice is closer and deMANDING to be given the phone

u already kno it’s our boy yukhei

he can hear you gasping through the phone and having a mental breakdown and immediately makes his voice all low and soft

wow i’m , affected writing this shit

“hey, y/n, listen to me, you’re okay, you’re fine. i promise it’ll be okay.”

“bUT WHAT IF I-“

“you won’t. you’ve worked too hard and practiced too much. i know you i saw you do it. do NOT let all of that go down the drain. you can do this. now get your cute ass out there and take NO SHIT”

“i know but i am, scared”

“don’t be! this is what you love isnt it?”

“i mean,,,, yeah”

“and you want to do this more than anything don’t you?”

“well , yeah”

“then for gods sake don’t be a wimp and do it”

“hey i miss the part of this conversation where you were being nice to me”

“that part’s over babe you need some TOUGH LOVE now please for me and for yourSELF get out there”

“okay.. thanks lucas”

“anything for you, angel”

yOU HANG UP SO QUICK

how dare he

you were all Comforted but then he went on with that angel bullshit

okay long story short you ended the industry dude

all solo artists BOW BEFORE YOU

VOCAL QUEEN

DANCE QUEEN

lucas: shaking because His Angel did so well and you were wearing white and actually looked like an angel

but you don’t see him for the next like twO MONTHS because he’s promoting boss and you’re promoting your single and neither of you are home ever

when you do get a second to yourself you try to send him an encouraging text but

you seldom get a second to yourself :(((

he does the same thing and they’re so sweet :(

“good morning i hope u slept well !!”

“princess don’t forget 2 hydrate”

“i saw ur mnet performance u looked beautiful <333”

this man is practically begging you to wife him up i mean

he’s cute

he’s BIG and WARM

very sweet to you :(

talented and lovely

absolute dweeb

supportive of you even from great distances

BEST BOY UWU

you try to be just as encouraging back because he deserves it UGH

“bub don’t forget to eat i know ur hungry rn”

“!!!!!! you came foR MY LUNGS WITH THAT CENTER DANCE AT THE END BOI”

“why are u sending me messages u need to rest bby :((“

when things calm down though you,, see each other

he doesn’t formally ask you out and you don’t say anything but, youre dating sort of kind of

as idols you’re both still so so busy and you JUST debuted so neither of you are really allowed to date anyways

you settle for little bits of cuddling and secret touches as you pass each other in the hall

you both stand outside of your respective dorms at night to facetime without waking your dorm mates

he desperately wants to go on dates and do Normal Couple things but there’s no time :(

the most affectionate you’ve ever been is when the girl group who shares a dorm with you was out promoting and you had him over and you took a nap together :((((

he Insisted upon being the big spoon and basically wrapped your whole body up with his limbs

pressed a few lil kisses to the back of your neck and your shoulder when he thought you were asleep

you weren’t though and you turned around to kiss him on the cheek and then tuck your face into his neck and pass tf out

he has to leave though because mark texts him and is like YO I KNO UR WITH Y/N AND HER ROOMMATES ARE ON THE WAY HOME

ABORT MISSION DUDE

and that’s pretty much it :(

months pass without much between you even though you’re trying your best

and even though you live in dorms you’re still so lonely especially when you’re traveling because you don’t have any group members

you don’t want to annoy or worry lucas though so you don’t complain

he notices though and late at night he’ll call you while you’re in bed and talk about his day and how he misses you and wishes you were there

and when you get all emo he says he’ll be waiting for you at the airport

(he really does he goes and hides in the bathroom and texts you so you can go in there and TACKLE HIM)

he still calls you angel all the time :((((

god that’s another weakness of mine ??? IM SUCH A WUSS

but it has specifically changed to “my angel”

uwu

your first kiss and first Real Confession happens on the Worst Day Of Your Life

you’re about to go on stage (you’ve released an album since your debut so this is new stuff) when you get a call from your mom ??

she’s crying and tells you your grandma is sick and in the hospital and it’s really bad

immediately you’re barely holding yourself together because that woman half raised you and was the reason you stayed in dance and worked so hard to become who you are today

there are tears streaming down your face already and the makeup team is fluttering around you trying to fix what you’re messing up and it’s bad

you still have to go on though so you go and perform with tears in your eyes and your manager yells at you after for not pulling it together

you go home in tears and then you’re not looking where you’re going and ran straight into a staff who yells at you some more for being some entitled idol brat

originally you weren’t gonna say anything to lucas but, the staff pushed you over the edge and you call him in tears and are incoherent and can barely tell him where you are before you hang up

our boy BURSTS into your room and sees you sitting on the floor with your face buried in your knees and 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 !!

he gathers you in his arms and sits on the bed with you curled up on his lap

he holds you close and rubs a comforting hand up and down your back at the same time as he frantically tries to figure out what’s wrong

“y/n?? baby what’s wrong? angel, please you gotta tell me or i cant help”

“i jjJJUST Got a cALL and my grandMA IS SICK AND THEN I DI D BAD AND DISAPPOINTED EVERYONE AND My mManageR yeYELLED at me and theN I RAN iNtO a staffF meMbEr and he yELled at me too and I JSUT .$:&:&;& i’m sO SORRY u doNT need to deAL WIYH ME you have problems of YouR own and-“

“shhh listen to me i always care about you okay? angel, i want to help you no matter what you know that. also, if you weren’t so distraught i would go beat some SM ass you didn’t deserve to be yelled at :(((( how about we call your mom and check for updates with your grandma and i’ll stay here with you for the night?”

you nod and then reach for your phone while keeping as much physical contact with lucas as possible

he’s the only reason you haven’t reached the Depression Point Of No Return so

we stayin close

you put your mom on speaker and set your phone down before squishing yourself back into his chest and sniffling while the phone rings

your mom answers and you shakily ask for any updates and she tells you not much but your grandma has improved and they think that within a couple weeks she’ll be better

you cry some more and tell her you love them both and you’re so relieved and lucas kisses the crown of your head and is just There For Comforting

once you hang up and you’ve calmed down a little more you back up a little and turn to face him

“hey thank you so much, you didn’t have to come and help me so much but you’ve always been there to make me stop Freaking Out and laugh and i just, love you. yeah that’s what it is. I LOVE YOU I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU, WONG YUKHE-“

he cuts you off by snatching your face in his big warm hands and kissing you right on the lips

he then kisses your nose and your forehead and pulls you back into his lap to tuck you under his chin

“it’s all for you, angel ;)))) i love you more”

[softmahito]

a/n: soulmate au in which soulmate always sneeze at the same time summary: diego can’t be sure but he and this new kid in his french class just sneezed at the same time and he doesn’t know if that means they’re soulmates or if that was just a coincidence so he does everything he can to sneeze and see if the kid will sneeze as well disclaimer: in this fic, there are people who were trapped on la huerta but it wasn’t our gang (beside varyyn) - basically es but with other characters +varyyn bc i wanted to be a little crazy with this fic lmao words: 1k+                                                                     🌈 MLM APRIL CHALLENGE 🌈                                                                               ⭐ MASTERLIST ⭐

“We have a problem.” Diego whispered to Ashton which made him jump because Diego appeared out of nowhere.

“We do?” Ashton raised his brow.

“Yes. C’mon!” Diego ushered and tried to drag Ashton with him but since Ashton was sitting on Sean’s lap there was no way.

“I’ll be right back.” Ashton murmured to his boyfriend and got up to follow his best friend wherever he wanted to go. They stopped near Diego’s locker and after Diego stopped looking around he finally explained what’s going on.

“Remember this new kid from History classes?” He started.

“Varyyn? Of course, I do! It’s kinda hard to forget someone with blue skin.” Ashton answered.

“There are literally superhumans in Northbridge who can fly or slow time and stuff like that and you’re surprised by a guy with blue skin? Really? Also, I’ve heard he was one of the people from that island.” Diego scowled at his best friend. “Okay, whatever. So he and I have French together and I don’t know if this means anything or if that was just a coincidence but we sneezed at the same time and now I kinda think he might be my soulmate?” He scratched the back of his neck.

“Oh.”

“Don’t ‘oh’ me! I don’t want your pity! The guy is super hot!” Diego pointed out. 

“Right, so why do you want from me exactly?”

“Remember how you thought Jake was your soulmate?” Diego teased and in exchange Ashton glared at him. “I take that as a ‘yes’. And remember how you tried to make yourself sneeze to see if you’re right? We’re gonna do the same thing right now. So go and give Sean a goodbye kiss because we're going to the library right now.” Diego looked at Ashton expectantly.

Ashton rolled his eyes but decided not to say anything and just do as Diego said to avoid more arguments. He said a quick goodbye to Sean and after he made sure he’s still up for the date today he came back to Diego who without saying anything more started heading out to the library.

“Quick question. Why the library?” Ashton asked when they were almost there.

“Because Varyyn is there, obviously.”

“Yeah, obviously...” Ashton chuckled silently.

After they entered the library Diego led them straight to the table next to the one Varryn was sitting at. For a moment they were just sitting there in silence. Ashton was tapping his fingers against the wood and looking around the place while Diego just stared at Varryn biting his lips until Varyyn looked up at him. At first, he was a little confused but then he recognized Diego and smile at him before coming back to the book he was reading.

“So? What’s the plan, boss?” Ashton asked finally bored with sitting around and doing nothing.

“Go on Google and search how can I make myself sneeze,” Diego ordered.

“’Kay... Let me see...” Ashton mumbled. “The first one is to wiggle a tissue in your nose but that would be super unattractive so we’re skipping this one.” He said. “Wait aren’t you like allergic to almost everything? Can’t you like rub something on your face?”

“Oh believe me if I just rub something on my face it’d end up being more unattractive than wiggling a tissue in my nose.” Diego asserted. “Gimme something else.”

“It says here that some people sneeze uncontrollably when suddenly exposed to bright light. So maybe look at the sun?” Ashton proposed.

Diego got up and went to the window. He even took his glasses off hoping it’d help. But unfortunately it didn’t work and he only spent a good minute standing there and staring at the sun.

“Nope.” He sighed and plopped down back in his chair. “Next one.”

“Since you can’t sniff a spice since we don’t have any... You want me to tweeze your brows or pluck a nose hair?” Ashton asked and then looked at Diego putting his phone down to take the tweezers from his backpack.

“Do I even wanna know why you have that? Y’know nevermind, let’s go with the first one.” Diego shrugged and positioned himself. “And how’s that supposed to make me sneeze?” He furrowed his brows.

“Supposedly this irritates the nerve endings in the face and stimulates the nasal nerve. Also, you may sneeze immediately, or it could take a few tries.” Ashton said and before Diego could react started tweezing his brows. And as they’ve found out later it didn’t work either.  

“Is there anything else?”

“Yeah but I don’t think any of this will work.” Ashton hinted. “Gum?” He offered Diego who only nodded and then went back to googling ways to make someone sneeze. “I think this one-” Ashton started again but was cut off but Diego actually sneezing.

His eyes immediately went wide and he looked at Varyyn to see if he sneezed as well which he did.

“Dude!” Ashton grinned. “You’re totally soulmates.”

“Really?” Diego looked at him and he looked almost scared. “You sure?”

“Positive. He sneezed as soon as you did!” Ashton assured him and patter his shoulder. “And just so you know he’s heading towards us.” He quickly added and quickly went right back to his book pretending he had no idea what was happening.

“Hi,” Varryn said standing by their table. “Can we talk?” He asked Diego smiling sheepishly.

Diego looked at Ashton but he still was pretending he’s not interested in the situation so Diego took a deep breath and agreed. He got up and followed Varyyn to the sofa in the back of the room.

“What’s up?” Diego asked casually like he didn’t just make himself sneeze to see if they were soulmates.

“I think you’re my soulmate? I mean I’m sure you are since we sneezed at the same time twice today.” Varyyn chuckled. “And I think you were suspecting it too... unless you tried to make yourself sneeze just for fun.” He added after second.

“Wait, you saw that?!” Diego turned red immediately and covered his face with his hands. “Ohmygod this is so embarrassing.”

“I think that’s cute.” Varyyn shrugged. “So considering we’re on the same page... Wanna show me the town later?” He smiled encouragingly.

“Yes, I’d love to.” Diego smiled as well and after they exchanged numbers Diego came back to Ashton. “Ashton... I’m in love.” He bit his lip and sighed happily.

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot 2x11 recap

(Aka the one where Keaton and Dr Sun face off in an exciting round of  “~Whose Presence Is The Least Wanted~”. Spoiler: they both win.)

Delayed a little by a spontaneous three-day trip across the state and a few late shifts, but finally here at last. So thanks your your awesome responses to last week’s recap, and prepare for a large quantity of thoughts and opinions because damn this ep was actually good??

Noooo. Roman. My baby. Why must you suffer so much??? I mean sure there was the terrorism and the murdering and all, but... well, just as I don't see Remi and Jane as the same person, Times New Roman and Old Roman are also not the same. Plus, given that messed up childhood he had, his violence is kinda unsurprisng. And I just can't help it okay, he's my scruffy psycho puppy and I love him. And Jane does too, which is why she's always visiting him (FOR THE LAST 2 WEEKS WHAAAT. mORE ON THIS IN A SEC) and trying to make sure he's eating and getting some rest and just basically being the sweetest sister ever ughhhhh. But he's understandably starting to crack, being caged up in there like an animal, and ugh can I just hug them both rn

Okay this next scene is a Nas scene, ergo I don’t care about it, so I'm gonna just pause for a second and vent about this whole two-week-jump thing. Because you know what can happen in two weeks in this show?? Everything!! Like literally from the time Jane rejoined the team in the premiere up to the events of last ep (aka a total of 11 eps), only TWELVE DAYS had passed. (Yes, I counted). So let's think about this. This means that Jane came back into the team's lives 12 days ago. She met Roman 12 days ago. She was shot by Zapata 12 days ago (though you would never know it based on her physical activity... #tvmedicine). And wanna know some other things that happened in that 12 days? 11 days ago Weller found out he was gonna be a father (Allie was like 15 weeks along at the time, at best guess??), and Borden asked Patterson out. Approx 6 days ago, Jane kinda pretty much admitted to Weller that she loved/loves him. She found out about the baby a day later, the same day Allie was shot. (Again, not a hint of that injury any time we've seen her since!). Weller and Nas started sleeping together 4 days ago, while Jane's 'happy ending' fantasy (*sobs*), and her failed date with Oliver happened only three days ago. Then let’s not even get into the whole shitstorm of Shepherd’s trap and the team nearly dying and Patterson discovering Borden’s betrayal just a day ago. So are you seeing my issue here?? All these things happened in LESS than 2 weeks, and now we've just jumped forward that entire block of time and ugh what the hell did we miss in all those days??? I’m actually legit worried about what bad things could have happened/are brewing...

Aaand speak of the devil. Or devil-lady. Nas is apparently doing something shady (shocking, I know) and Weller comes to investigate, since apparently she's been 'sneaking off every morning'. Oh, great. You know what, maybe I'm glad we've skipped ahead two weeks, if these two have continued their... whatever the hell this is... during all that time. But seriously dude, Jane is back and you guys are actually on good terms again, why are you still with the rebound??? Unless... unless she's no longer the rebound but rather the barrier. Like with Jane back and their old connection starting to reform, maybe he's using this thing with Nas as like a buffer to keep himself from gravitating back to Jane-- lbr, he's the proverbial moth to her flame, and vice versa-- and so basically this thing with Nas is all just a way of protecting his heart by keeping it far away from the one woman who could truly crush it? Honestly rn that's the story I gotta go with bc otherwise I’m gonna get stuck obsessing over wtf is going on here with these two  completely ill-suited people. Sigh. But anyhow apparently Nas used to get messages from this sign from the Sandstorm informant (did she ever look into how though? Like did the informant know or pay off the person who types them? Or did they hack in themselves? Surely that was a lead that should have been followed??) and so apparently she's still checking it. Also damn, the quote up on the sign: "The soul can never be cut to pieces by any weapon"-- very true about Jane, given all she's been through and how strong and incredible she's manages to remain through it all....

But anyway now there are two thug-like dudes just sneaking thuggishly amongst a bunch of shipping containers and lbr it's already a better scene than the previous one. And then a Distinguished Looking Man and a younger man (his son, I'm guessing?) exit one of the containers, looking Distinguished and Mysterious. Dude, I hope you guys didn't come from far away, bc that would not have been a fun journey...

Ooooh Weller's lady-juggling is apparently not going so well as he ends up missing Allie's appointment-- what's she now? 20 weeks, give or take? And yet that's one tiiiiiny belly she's still got... like okay yes, some women barely show at all, even well into the second trimester, but lbr NEVER TV WOMEN. TV women are usually always sporting one of those massive fake belly things so that we, the poor silly viewers, don't forget that “HEY THIS LADY GOT KNOCKED UP, THERE'S DEFINITELY A BABY KICKING AROUND IN HERE SO GET READY FOR IT TO FLY ON OUT AND MESS SHIT UP AT ANY MOMENT". And yet, with this show... nothing? Some slightly baggier clothes, maybe, but not even a moderate bump. What does it mean?? Are they sneakily trying to tell us that ~all is not as it seems~ with this pregnancy (like hey, maybe Allie even sneakily moved the appointment forward so Weller would miss it)-- or, am I just reading to much into things, and the show’s prop-masters were simply out of stock on the Defo-Preggo fake bellies and decided it didn't matter and we probably wouldn't notice its absence anyway? Seriously I have been super suss of this pregnancy from the start (mainly bc why the hell would it even have been written into the story unless for some kind of ~Shock Drama~ down the track) so maybe I'm looking too hard for hints? Lbr it's gonna take a fair bit to shake me from my 'Allie is a Sandstorm operative and is faking the pregnancy bc of reasons' theory. And Cutie Connor can totally fit into that too. But anyhow Weller is a sweetie and is trying very hard to be a Good Dad(TM). Oh, my son. Why do I strongly get the feeling that you will never even get the chance to be a dad to this baby. (*whispers* there's always your babies with Jane to look forward to, tho...)  

Oooh it's back-to-work day for Reade (two weeks post-surgery really isn't enough for a physical job like his, but whatever I'mma overlook it) and omg he and Zapata having an awkward little chat and dude is this really the first time they've spoken since that terrible kiss? Really?? So there was just radio silence between them, two best friends, for two weeks while he was practically an invalid. Ooookay. Sure. On a brighter note, there was a rat in the lockerroom that Reade had named Whitey Bulger hahaha. That's adorable. I hope it was released humanely. Reminds me of the mouse that used to live in the wall of my parents’ house and its hole was right near the computer desk so I would feed it crumbs when I was up on the computer at like 3am haha. Ah, good times. Also okay hold on google says that Whitey Bulger was an infamous crime boss who murdered like 20 people. Ohhhhh and apparently he was an FBI informant, aka a rat. I wonder if the rat was white, too? Though generally wild rats are brown. But wow okay I am getting very distracted (lbr it's the secondhand embarrassment from this super awkward interaction, I can't deal so I’m avoiding the whole thing lol)

Phew okay now we can switch to a far more pleasing scene-- my baby Patterson is back at it, and I'm not even gonna comment on the bullet-wound recovery time. Just look at this restraint I’m showing. Anyway based on Zapata's very pointed comments, lil baby Patterson has refused to take any time off. Ugh. Though if I were her I wouldn't really want to be at my apartment either. I wonder if Borden left anything there... :( also Patterson still has a nasty headache, which sounds ongoing and is not all that consistent with the eardrum-stabbing. It could be a bunch of things, including lack of sleep, but... I wonder. Maybe Sheherd was sneakier than we thought. But for now let's just hope our baby is okay.

Looolll I feel like I'm watching a married couple having a fight over what's best for their kid or something. But lbr here if not for the pressure that Weller's facing to show that he's 'punishing' Roman somehow (seriously we know how Pellington fels about Roman, not to mention how all the agents under Weller’s command must feel about the man that helped kill 12 of their own), I feel like he would be on Jane's side of this argument. Although, he probably also recognises the influence Roman has over Jane, and might be worried that Roman could pull her away from him... but anyhow it's entertaining to watch these two in their own little bubble with Nas off to the side, just awkwardly hovering there like she's an afterthought. Neither one particularly wants her input rn but she has to be there, so... but then she suggests bringing in an 'expert' that she knows and that sets off instant alarm bells for me. DO NOT TRUST ANYONE ASSOCIATED WITH NAS, INCLUDING NAS, OKAY GUYS? THEY’RE SNAKE-PEOPLE, THE LOT OF THEM. This is bound to bode ill for Roman and Jane and like probably everyone somehow

Aw my clever baby has cracked (or re-cracked) an old tattoo, which previously had given them a random number but now correlates to a shipping container-- naturally, the very one that our mysterious duo exited earlier. And due to some handy camera unscrambling, we know that Distinguished Man is a supposedly-dead warlord dude that did a bunch of bad things and was actually indirectly involved in the team nearly getting killed in Turkey last season. Oooooh, drama.

So the kiddies are heading into the bullpen-- Reade joining Weller and Jane as they head together to the main briefing area. So wait how come Jeller were off on their own just then, given that the team was all just together down in Patterson's lab a minute ago? (*cough* quickie?? *cough*) But anyhow traces of nitroglycerin were found in the container apparently so ooooh bomb??? But apparently the company who paid for the container also paid a bunch of dough to some other lady, so the team brings her in-- and finds out the money was 'life insurance' from the death of her brother a few days ago. But hold on, she never even saw the body, said that he'd already been taken to the morgue. And bingo, this story is already throwing up a ton of flags. I can tell you from direct experience that when a person dies in hospital, a doctor (ie, me) is immediately called to certify them, and then we tuck them in nicely and ensure they look peaceful before we contact the family and allow them to come in. And unless the family is like hours and hours away, the patient will remain in their room until they've had a chance to say goodbye. If the family can't get there for a long time, they're taken to the hospital’s mortuary where they await pickup by the family's chosen funeral director. At any point in this process the family can still be taken to see the patient if they wish. So clearly, something else happened with this woman's brother, and someone paid off multiple hospital staff to make it look how they wanted. Definitely not easy to do. And now, according to Patterson, it turns out he was actually transferred elsewhere... this is all veeeeery shady

Ugh Jane going to Roman and using Borden's coffee example to help reach out to him. Ughhhh. And then ugh he asks her if Shepherd loved them and why she wiped his memory and this puts Jane in such a tight spot bc if she said Shepherd did it but didn't love him then how does she explain later that she herself did it out of love and aarghh. But her answer "maybe she thought it was the only chance she had left to get you back” is a good answer. I'm still sad that she had to lie to him about it, and the ramifications that that's going to have. Please understand, Roman, she loves youuuuu and only wants what’s best for you!

Meanwhile Patterson's found the person who last visited the dude in hospital, bc she's da boss. And then Weller asks if she ran the plates and she practically rolls her eyes at him, sassily gesturing over her shoulder just as a photo of the plates appears on the screen behind her. Badass. The team subsequently goes chasing the car-- which is conveniently like ten mins away-- and suddenly it's like we’re in the middle of a black SUV convention when the team surrounds the target cars, the two separate sides differentiated only by the fact that out of one set of cars comes our badass team with their big guns, and out of the other comes a murdering, bloodthirsty, terrorist warlord... and something much worse. KEATON. And lbr I will forever be proud of Jane for the fact that she has her torturer directly in her line of fire and yet doesn't even once struggle with the temptation of pulling the trigger. Because no matter what she's been through-- and no matter what Remi did in the past-- Jane is not a killer. (Let's just agree to overlook the whole thing with Fisher bc that man was an evil little weasel and deserved what he got). And then Zapata discovers a possible bioweapon in the car, ratcheting tensions even higher until Keaton is all 'chill, it's just a pilfered body part'. And lbr, Keaton is so damn repugnant that this is the only way he could ever steal anyone's heart. (badum-tish?). But omg then Jane tells Weller-- while staring at Keaton with bared teeth-- that he was the one who tortured her. And being the little shit-stirrer he is, Keaton tries to imply that Weller has known all along (actually only two weeks and 4 days, but who's counting), and Jane's trust in Weller wavers just slightly at that, given that he'd told her from the start that he hadn't known anything about her torture. Which was true, at the time. And now he quickly reassures her-- while staring absolute daggers at Keaton-- that he only found out in Bulgaria. I wonder if he's mentally reliving that last meeting bc oh boy I sure am. Ah, those satisfying choking sounds. But anyhow, it turns out that Warlord Man's son needs a heart transplant and the CIA is providing it in exchange for info about planned terrorist attacks. The traces of 'nitroglycerin' that was found in the storage container was actually from the kid's heart medication (glyceryl trinitrate, in case you're interested, though he likely wouldn't be on that medication for this particular condition. Also to get those traces around the container I guess he must have been doing a Great-Escape style boredom activity, just with throwing his tablets instead of a ball. Anywho tho Jane tells Weller he can't trust Keaton, and as he always does (or did, in the old days) he finds a way to do what she suggests that is also going to appear acceptable to the Big Bosses. Which in this case means inviting Keaton and Co into their base. Joy. 

So not only does the team have to work with the world's biggest asshat, but there's an attack tonight that they need to stop. Zapata takes Anton the Warlord's phone and laptop to Patterson bc apparently she can't face the idea of interviewing him with Reade (come on kids, we're all grownups here) and everyone suddenly disperses, leaving Jane alone in the room with Keaton. I kinda feel like that's an oversight that Weller wouldn't actually make (and lbr he's always been super aware of where Jane is and what she's doing at all times) so I kinda feel like he is deliberately giving her this chance to face Keaton alone? He knows she wouldn't do anything foolish-- such as, say, try to choke him to death, like a certain someone-- and knows she needs this closure. And omg Keaton is now boo-hooing about missing his kid's basketball games because he had to spend his time 'interrogating' her. Damn, that's cold. He's literally acting like she wronged him. (Can I claw his eyes out now, please?? Since Jane is too good of a person to do it??). But well, at least Keaton’s shittiness gives us this scene of Jane storming into Weller's office. He's sitting and staring pensively at a watch in his hands-- what's the significance? Was it his father's? What am I missing here?? and she bursts in all angry and hurt that they're working with Keaton after what he did to her, which lbr would basically feel like everyone dismissing it as no big deal. But thankfully Weller makes it clear-- with his Serious Voice and turbulent eyes-- that he hates it too and even nearly killed Keaton when he found out. And boy, does that take the wind out of her sails. Yes, Jane, Mr Always-Do-The-Right-Thing literally nearly murdered a high-ranking government official for hurting you. And ugh you can see how much that means to her-- lbr with them, that's basically as much an admission of love as any kiss could be... 

Aaaand then of course Nas has to appear to ruin the moment, because that's literally like her entire role on this show; Ms Shady Backstabber and Moment-Ruiner. And oh joy, she's brought her 'expert', who on one hand I am pleased to see is a disabled WOC, bc yes good tv representation, but on the other hand I wish she just wasn't there at all. That actress was great in Quantico though. Literally tho in the first minute the doctor has called Roman a 'prisoner' and a 'killer'. Biased, much??? I have literally treated jailed murderers myself, and the entire medical staff would always refer to them only as 'the patient' or at the very worst, 'the inmate'. So this lady is really already rubbing me the wrong way here. As much as I dislike her, though, I agree that Jane shouldn't be there for her assessment. But ugh I hope she can watch on cameras or something just so someone is keeping an eye on what they do to my poor puppy... but seriously tho let's all take a moment to appreciate how well Jane keeps herself in check like all the time?? I mean she's constantly copping crap from people and she just takes it with such grace (okay sometimes with a little less grace but generally very well) and ugh I just love her so much

Speaking of Jane, she takes her turn watching over Anton, and while the man refused to say a word to Reade, the sight of Jane has him opening right up. I feel ya, buddy. I'd spill my guts to her too. I enjoy that they bond over their mutual hatred of Keaton. Can I join that party? Also ugh the way he talks about his son not being like him, and being deserving of a proper life... kinda like Jane still deserves a good life despite who her 'mother' is and what she's done. But oh geez, his next line-- "You know what's the worst thing that can happen to a man, Jane? To lose a child." AAAAHHHH RED FLAGS RED FLAGS THIS IS FORESHADOWING I JUST KNOW IT. DOES THIS MEAN THE WRITERS ARE GONNA KILL OFF WELLER'S BABY??? DOES IT???? And then oh shit, the son dies (I am still sure that that line was foreshadowing more than just his death though) and the team is all like wtf do we do??? Naturally Keaton thinks the only option is to lie, which Jane strongly disagrees with, both of them turning to Weller, who brings them both with him to see Anton. Keaton gets in there and starts spouting lies-- only for Weller to step up and tell the truth, while also being genuinely sympathetic. Yaaaaasss my son taking Jane's side and doing the right thing, as he should :) And ugh she is so sad for the man's loss and tries to get him to see that his son wouldn't have wanted this. 'His ideals aren't like yours' oh boy does she know all about that. But even her heartfelt pleas can't get through to him (come on, dude, look at that faaaace) and so now the team is really in trouble... But as always happens when shit hits the fan, everyone turns to Patterson, who naturally comes through, tracing a phone that got a coded message from Anton's phone, giving them the lead they desperately need...            

But while my beautiful and trustworthy team is busy doing that, Shady and Shadier are starting their mindgames on my poor lil caged lion Roman. Keep your devil-claws off him, ladies! That means you, sneaky shrink! Also if he is believed to be so dangerous and unstable, there is no way she would be that close to him, especially without any guards present. He could kill her in a single second. And speaking of which, baby Ian just stabbed the hell out of one of the other boys at the orphanage (the one that stole his coin), seemingly on the order of their captors? And in the earlier flash that we got, the guy said "Will you kill your rabbit now?" So these are two separate memories, right? The rabbit is really a rabbit, yeah? Like ‘rabbit’ isn't a metaphor for a 'target' or something right? Either way, daaaaamn, these poor kids...   

Aaaaahhhhh we're getting another Jeller heart-to-heart moment in the caaaarrrr! I've missed these. I so wish Reade and Zapata were in the back seat pretending not to exist like they did in the good old days when Jeller were having a ~moment~, but sadly not this time. But ugh Jane is again expressing her fears about Roman's reaction should he find out that she zipped him, and I love this bc not only is Jane allowing herself to turn to Weller again for comfort, but she's also being open with him about her feelings, ensuring there's nothing hidden between them anymore (at least on her side. While I assume she's figured out the whole Nas thing, I doubt he's outwardly said anything to her). And ugghhhhh Weller doesn't hesitate to comfort her, reminding her that she has become a completely new person-- aka, a good person-- after her wipe. Yaaaassss for Weller acknowledging that Jane and Remi are separate people. And then ughhhh he says the wipe was the best thing that ever happened to her but lbr it's the best thing that ever happened to him??? That memory wipe brought her right to him, gave them the opportunity to know each other and fall for each other. Hers wasn't the only life that was changed forever the day she climbed out of that bag. But omg he's still not done??? He tells her that she not only saved Roman's life by doing what she did, but whatever hope he has left (of a life, of happiness and normalcy) is a gift that she gave him. Oh lord, help me. And then he turns to her and puts the heart eyes up to high beam and boy are they blinding. I'm legit gonna have lightspots in my vision for like the next hour. But ugh what I love most is that these are not his previous "I adore you and everything you are" hearteyes but more of an "I have done so wrong by you and though I know I could never make it right I will spend every day of the rest of my life trying" hearteyes and honestly JUST LET ME DIE. Oh wait, nope, I am about to die bc now we're in the other car with Zapata and Reade AND I CANNOT DEAL WITH THE AWKWARD. Save me. At least Reade is trying to talk it out like a grownup whereas Zapata is all but stuffing her fingers in her ears and going "la la la la I can't heaaaaar you" lol. 

Thankfully, Weller chooses that moment to rescue us all (he probably needed a distraction of his own bc he was becoming too lost in Jane's eyes haha) and everybody pulls into a place that looks kinda reminiscent of the spot where Zapata shot Jane. Everyone fans out, including Jane, and I will forever be so happy about the fact that she's back out with the team and trusted with a weapon and they all know they can rely on her as a true team member and ughhhh I'm just so happy to be getting back to the real heart of this show. And speaking of things that are right at the very core of this show, Weller has managed to get himself blown up yet again, this time by trying to stop a dude who had wired a bunch of basketballs on a rack into a bomb. Bad dude gets away with a bunch of other bombs, and Weller gets away with barely a scratch-- which doesn't stop Jane from yelling his name in alarm and immediately running to his side, even giving us an Unnecessary (but sadly not all that Lingery) touch on his arm as if she's reassuring herself that he's okay. Ah man. You guys are killing me. While this season has certainly frustrated me in regards to Weller's actions towards Jane, it definitely doesn't disappoint in hers towards him. Ugh, my stupid in-love babies, how I adore you

Anywho the whole crew is on the site now (including Keaton, which literally everyone there/the entire world could do without) and they realise that though there's no major basketball games on tonight-- which of course our resident ex-gambler knows-- there is a youth league game on, aka the one that Keaton's daughter is playing at. And how do they know this?? Because my baby Jane is a freakin' genius as well as a badass, and she actually listens to what people say, even if those people are jerks and don't deserve a second of her attention. And so now when Jane speaks, everyone listens, which is why they're all currently bolting to the kids' game. And Keaton is all "he's doing this to get at me" *whinge whinge*, and Jane is all 'bitch shut up there's a lot more people there than just your kid'. But naturally Keaton continues to bitch bc he's Keaton, then even annoyingly brings up the whole being a parent thing, at which time Jane sneaks an almost-sad look at Weller, because freaking everyone has to continuinally remind her that the man she loves now has a permanent tie to someone else. Great, thanks, show. 

But anyhow despite Weller having everything under control, Keaton manages to ruin everything as usual, getting his own agent killed and forever traumatising his daughter in the process. Weller and Keaton then bugger off in search of the daughter while Jane and the other two take out a bunch of baddies like the badass little team they are. Ah, so good to see them like this again. Jane splits off from the others to chase more baddies while the two of them try to defuse the bomb with Patterson's help. Bc when in need, always call Patterson. Jane's fight with the baddie in the gym is kinda hilarious, like at one point she sends him sprawling but rather than knocking him out she waits politely for him to get up before continuing their fight. Such manners :P  Although given the fact that she then slams a kettleweight straight into his face/chest, maybe she’d used up her quota of good behaviour haha. Meanwhile Patterson shuts down the cell signal to the area, preventing the bomb being activated via the mobile phone detonator... ummm is that a thing that's actually possible? Idek. Anyhow Weller and Keaton find the daughter at gunpoint in the locker room, and Weller's all "I haven't got a shot" though lbr I bet that ‘Mr Exceptional Marksmanship Award’ could totally shoot that guy's exposed hand. A moment later he gets the shot anyway when Keaton draws the baddie out, and all seems to have ended happily until-- dun dun dun-- there's another baddie, right about to shoot both Keaton and his daughter!! Only to be shot by Jane first, aka my perfect beautiful princess who always saves any life she can, even if that life belongs to the piece of slime that tortured her for three freakin’ months. Hey Weller, take notes. If Nas had been in Jane's situation just then, she would have sat back and watched. No doubt about it. At least Keaton is man enough to genuinely thank her tho, to which she gives pretty much the much more professional-sounding version of "screw you, asshole" lol. You go, girl.

Oh boy. So you put Roman into an ‘MRI’ and are now basing your diagnosis on the absence of a perceived response to a few pictures. Good lord, woman, you must have gone to a worse medical school than Borden. I don't even know where to start with this. Firstly the scan you're thinking of is a PET scan, but you literally can’t make this diagnosis based on that anyway!! And honestly lady have you ever opened a psych textbook in your entire life, there's a whole bunch of criteria to diagnose Antisocial Personality Disorder and ROMAN LITERALLY DOES NOT MEET THEM. Even Old Roman doesn't meet the majority of them, and New Roman meets practically none. This woman is a CHARLATAN and I will not TOLERATE THIS DISRESPECT TOWARDS EITHER OF MY BABIES. Gaaawd. So now poor Roman is in danger of being locked away in a padded room for his whole life on the word of one woman; one woman who they know nothing about except that she comes recommended by Nas (which should be an automatic black mark against anyone's name imo) but also a woman who just told Jane-- aka Jane who grew up in Hell's Orphanage and has been through unfathomable shit her entire life including three months of recent physical torture-- and this woman just told her she can't possibly imagine how 'terrible' this Sudanese orphanage was that she visited once as a student. Good lord, can I slap her yet. Please. At least Jane kind of calls her on it, raising the point that she grew up in exactly the same way as Roman, but it's clear the snake-charmer's mumbo-jumbo has her doubting herself. Ugh. At least Weller doesn't seem at all happy with the idea of having to lock Roman up-- probably bc he knows how it'll hurt his precious Jane, and after allowing her to suffer for so much of this season he's finally gotten his shit together and realised she didn’t/doesn't deserve any of it and now desperately wants to make up for his previous ass-ish ways.

Speaking of ass-ish ways, Zapata has decided to grow up a little and reach out the olive branch. Thank god. She even apologises, which is impressive, because this is Zapata... although she still manages to turn it into a bit of a joke. I do love the "you're not even my type, though" (we know, Sarah is) and the "why, too smart or too classy?" Thankfully he calls her on the classy part, and yaaayy we are back to the sassy banter that I like :))) Brotp forever please. Also Reade aren't you still on pain meds? You shouldn't really be drinking... And then aww she wingmans for him (which would have been hilariously awkward if the girl had actually been checking HER out. Man, that would have been amazing). But then hold on writers, what is this little ~look~ she throws back at him?? Please tell me that that was just a slightly wistful 'If only I could love him as something more than a brother, who knows, we could have been a good couple" and not a "I'm pretending I don’t have feelings for you bc though I actually am in love with you I don't want to drag you down into the trash pile with me". Bc legit if the writers go down the path of the latter, I'm going to be so pissed. JUST LET THEM BE BEST FRIENDS, OKAY??? NOT EVERYONE WITH OPPOSITE GENITALS HAS TO FALL IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER, GEEZ.

Naw Patterson finds Jane sitting behind the mirror, watching over Roman like the loving-- and worried-- big sister that she is. And Patterson, bless her, my precious angel made of fairy dust and sunshine-- gently reassures her that 'psychology isn't even a real science so you shouldn't listen to anything the shrink says' (or something along those lines lol), and then ughhhhh when Jane is basically acknowledging that she has no power to fight the shrink's diagnosis because she 'isn't objective', Patterson gifts us with this: "Maybe that's the point. Weller wasn't objective, and he brought out the best in you. Maybe you can do that for Roman". And so the Queen has spoken: lack of objectivity = LOVEEEE, and love will set you free and all that jazz. But ugh Patterson I could kiss you rn (not like I would ever need much encouragement any other time, tho lol)

Okay if no kissing then could I at least write you a prescription for some better pain killers because I hate seeing you suffer like this (ugh Shepherd what sneaky thing did you do to my precious baby). At least the pain meds that she has-- while useless for the pain-- actually help her to crack the leopard clue. Wooo! Shame she had to get Nas involved, but at least she's telling Jane pretty much immediately. And because Patterson is a genius, she determines that the clue points towards a chick in some bikie gang, who is seen in a photo with none other than Roman. Guess we know what next ep is about!!  #exciting

Oh joy, an Allie and Weller scene. I was totally just thinking that this ep needed more of them (#not). But oh my goddddd he's been nesting, setting up a nursery and buying a crib with the highest safety rating and trying out colour swatches for the walls and oh my lord this is simultaneously the worst and the best thing bc 'excited prospective-dad Weller' is SO ADORABLE but the circumstances and partner are definitely... less than ideal, shall we say. Siiiiiiiigh. And then BAM Allie's suddenly moving to Colorado with Connor and Weller cares too much about her to ever even consider trying to get her to stay and so okay I see two options here: either the writers are trying to make us think Allie is going to be out of the picture, so when some Big Bad Thing happens involving her and the baby, it'll be an even bigger twist; or, she literally does move to Colorado and the show very occasionally mentions Weller's interstate baby in future seasons just so we don't start thinking that the whole storyline was just a really protracted, mass-shared bad dream. Since the second would just be embarrassingly bad screenwriting, I'm pretty much hoping for the first option...

Well, there it is. Happy Blindspot Day, and see you for the (hopefully much more punctual) next installment!                       

[dahliaunderthesky]

Diary #1

Hi notepad! I have come to the conclusion that writing all this shit when I am so goddamn behind on telling my diary shit would take too long and hurt my hand so I’m gonna type it. I do prefer a physical copy of a diary but this will have to do for now. Ok so its been a lot asss time since I filled you in. Leme tell youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. so I guess you have to hit space or this shit goes on forever but I like the way it looks on here so whatever. Its been a while since i’ve typed on this computer and these over grown nails are a pain in the ass with these keys. anyway, I bought myself nails a month and a half ago because I haven't in two years and wanted em. But now I don't have the money to keep up with them because of Christmas presents. I bought my dad $200 paint so that was a big dent in my fortune (ha). So I am in dept to myself because I need to keep a certain amount in my bank at all times but that shit is lower then it should be. Dick face McGee is a dick face like usual.Some lady at the drive thru asked for whip cream on her coffee and he walked up to me yelled "I HATE FAT BITCHES" and threw the fucking whip cream can at the wall. So me being pissed hes acting like a fucking pussy ass baby over nothing yell "I hate rude assholes!" He didn't say anything to that he just went and sat down to play his computer game. (Since I plan on posting this shit on tumblr I guess wow I’m so cool I’m gonna fill anyone reading in) So I work in fast food I’m a teen and its my first job. If u haven't gotten a job yet fast food is usually the first job u get but if u can avoid it I highly recommend it. I tried to but I didn't think the place I work at would be the much like a fast food place because of what it sells. Anyway I work with this asshole guy hes like 4 years older then me, asked me out I said no, hits on every girl he sees, is ugly as sin (inside and out), and has anger problems and is known to break shit at my work place. Why he is still hired is beyond me. Anyway After that I had enough working with him (I have to close with him and that means we only work alone together and hes a dick in front of every other worker so imagine how he is alone. Also hes a racist! And is proud. Makes me sick. SO I asked my boss to stop having me work with him and junk and he said it was cool but I realized the only reason he is still hired is because he is exactly like my boss (my boss isn't racist though). My boss also has anger problems wow! Here’s some things dick head McGee does around me that no one knows tho! He asks me to 1)close the store early. 2) leave for an hour to go work out or do something else. I’m more then happy to tell others this shit because I hate him and he should work for the money hes getting. I always say no to these questions btw. Oh hes also a dick to customers of course. Anyway my boss says yes to me not closing with him and I feel like i’m on thin ice because even if I am a good worker I can be easily replaced anytime for the slightest inconvenience. Oh yeah lets call this kid neck boy for now since I don’t wanna use names I guess. I call him this because he has a neck tattoo. Hes hot, nice, sweet to customers, everyone loves him but if only he wasn't a stoner. Smoke weed idgaf but he does it everyday and throws up everyday because of it. Its also Xanax and shit too. He has been calling out sick literally everyday every week and he isn't gonna be fired or talked to or anything bc my boss loves the kid. I’m a shy teen girl he doesn't give a shit about me lol. enough about work though, Nicole (my best friend) is in Washington filming a movie! She road in a limo and shit and is in a really nice cabin and everything and it looks so cool. I’m proud :,). She finally got the court (im gonna stop explaining shit from now on) papers. I didn't know it took this damn long for shit to go through with the court. I hope now you know who gets her shit man. Oh! I went to a toy donation drift event last weekend. It was super cool because only pros drove. I road with someone I haven't before and he asked if he was better then my sisters boyfriend and I was thinking "well iv’e ever feared for my life with him" It was a lot of fun though lol. I feel super safe with my sisters boyfriend driving (because hes a pro and knows what hes doing) so driving with someone who almost crashes and gets crashed into is interesting lol. Hes not bad at all he just spun out a little and we were in a like enclosed track where everyone goes at once so you can easily crash but I don't think anyone crashed into each other that event. Nicole and Matt tried setting me up with one of Matt's friends which I am all for man iv’e been single for 4 years. I still have standards of course lol. He was a nice guy but just not for me. Hes one year younger and likes drift but I thought he was a drifter, no he doesn't even have the car for that shit lol. Oh I forgot to mention my whole family and I drift. He kind of just sent shirtless pics of himself, talked about himself, never asked about me, etc. I gave him a second chance and talked to him in person at my work but it was still meh. I confirmed hes not my type with that. Also he comes to my work through the drive thru and expects a damn convo like dude I’m working right now my crab ass boss is behind me eyeballing every move I make and I have other customers now is not a good time. He even tweeted "when the employee ignores you." He said my works name so I know it was me. I’m not ignoring u I’m busy. also were not dating stop. Matt is also super (Nicole's boyfriend) bored since Nicole is gone for the movie. He asked me to hangout and we have never talked outside of Nicole. So Im like ehhhhh maybe not. I mean I want friends and I’m down to hangout but it would be so awkward. I asked nicole if it was cool first bc idk how relationships feel about boyfriends hanging out with girls anymore. My grandparents are coming this Friday which is cool but I have no idea what to get grandpa for Christmas and nana’s package is just not here. Idk where it is they said its delivered but nope. I learned sign language so that’s cool. Oh! fucking dick face McGee was walking past me and his arm was out when he was fast walking and it hit me in the stomach and really fucking hurt. He was like sorry haha. It was an accident but im still salty about it. Im getting my fourth tattoo on the 22nd. I hope it turns out well because its more detailed then the others. All my tattoos are where I cant see without a mirror so I was like wait 3? What are they lol. I have one on my ribs, back of my neck, and my back. The other day at work a guy came in ordered a donut and then told me how he worked for 26 years and that people are telling him hes unemployed and was like "CAN YOU BELIEVE IT 26 YEARS AND THEY SAY I’M UNEMPLOYED" like dude idk you if you don’t have a job right now, you are unemployed atm please go away. It was just out of nowhere. Not sure what else to update you on...Oh well bye bye for now! 12/13/17