#I think ‘everybody fucks up and nobody’s perfect’ loses it’s meaning and worth when people only use it as a way of saying ‘you shouldn’t cri

[justonemorechapternicercy]

ALSO sending the last ask, I actually saw your pinned post aaand can I puppy-dog-eye my way into a Halloween themed Malace maybe? Magnus' masked Halloween party, featuring a cute puppy?

Not as Halloween-y as I would have liked, but oh, well... :P (You will have to wait for the other you asked for :P That is... well, I have plans for it u.u)

When Jace dressed up as a puppy for the Halloween party, trying to seduce the handsome warlock and the perfect parabatai he wanted so much, he didn't expect this.

He was hoping for eyes burning with lust, seething jealousy for daring to flirt with others, hungry kisses shared on the dancefloor, and lots of kinky, passionate sex in the luxurious bedroom.

Not... Not this.

When he arrived at the loft, where Magnus’ usual Halloween party was organized, everything seemed promising. The whole loft was wrapped into darkness; the colorful, magical sparkles and mists only gave out limited light. He could almost feel the loud, yet mystical, enthralling sound of the music, created by Magnus’ compositor friend only for this night. The slutty puppy costume he wore as an acknowledgment and acceptance for all of the teasings he received from the pair for behaving like an excitable puppy turned many heads towards him. Especially the heads of those two he planned to seduce for the night.

Looking over them, he licked his lips. His parabatai and his boyfriend wore a less revealing, but just as interesting matching outfit. Alec, over his usual black clothes, wore a simple red leather jacket, that strangely made him even more delectable. Magnus, on the other hand, went all out: red, velvety suit accentuated with black lace, high collar decorated with black feathers, head, neck, and hands full of heavy, silver accessories. The perfect Once Upon a Time couple, if Jace was not mistaken.

Their eyes immediately found him, taking his figure, his clothes - or lack of thereof - with a famished look on their faces. They kept him captivated, pulling him closer like the opposite poles of magnets. He resisted, of course, wanting to attract them to him. He took a glass of something alcoholic, and after swallowing it without tasting it, the pulse of the music lead him to the dancefloor, surrounded by people decidedly not the two people he wanted. People, who could not keep their hands to themselves.

But, it was part of the plan: making the pair so jealous so they would have no other option than finally end all of their misery and fuck him so hard he would remember even when the two of them left him for good.

It...

Did not go according to the plan.

They were jealous, all right. The green-eyed monster was a good look on them; he felt so good knowing that they really wanted him. Without even a word, even excusing themselves from the party, they pulled him out of the crowd and ushered him to their bedroom, closing and locking up the door behind themselves, shutting out the outside noises. The sudden silence was deafening.

The first part of his plan worked - they behaved as he dreamed of. The three of them, alone. The next steps should have worked just fine, but-

Nothing happened.

Fucking him senseless?! Tying him to the bed, or spanking him for being a bad puppy?! Ordering him not to touch himself while Alec rode Magnus like there was no tomorrow?! Stuffing him full from both ends?!

No. Nothing like that.

What he got instead was-

Love.

Alec gently sat him down on their beds, snuggling closer to him, while Magnus made sure nobody would interrupt their time with their lovable puppy, by not just locking the door with a key, but with magic as well. They did not want anything to interrupt their time with their puppy.

Their puppy, who needed to be reminded of something.

"You worth so much more than this," Alec said finally before the silence could turn into suffocating, instead of just confusing. Jace glanced at him, puzzled. Worth more than what?

"You deserve respect, care, love... Not grubby hands taking what is not theirs," Magnus added, but Jace still felt disoriented. What happened with the plan?

Why were they talking about respect? Love? About caring for him? Why-?

His mind was full of mixed thoughts and unnamed emotions, not believing what was happening. He loved them, all of his heart, but he never expected that they would care for him like this. He was so sure that their night would be just that. A night. Not something entirely else. Dreamed of? Yes. Hoped for? Also yes. But logically thinking about the chance of this happening? No.

Never.

Yet, there he was, sitting between the pair's loving embrace, feeling inadequate, and so ready to run. Run from them, from their emotions... From his emotions. This was not what he signed up for. This was... This was scary. Scarier than any foe, any uncertainty, any unexpected trauma he faced before.

But before he could move even a muscle, his literal soulmate, the only person who knew him better than he knew himself, gently took his hands into his.  Pulling them up to his lips, he pressed a kiss to each knuckle, his calloused fingers caressing Jace's sensitive skin on his wrist, his expressive, adoring eyes holding the blond captive.

"This is a promise," Magnus' voice purred into his ear. Jace didn’t even notice when he got closer, but now every cell of his body paid attention to the warlock sitting behind him, almost enveloping his smaller frame. "A promise of our eternal adoration."

Jace felt himself shivering. He felt like he was the deer looking into the speeding headlights, ready to be run over, not capable of moving his muscles.

Hands still in Alec's palm, the black-haired Shadowhunter dragged his lips along the side of Jace's palm, until he reached the thin, sensitive skin on his inner wrist, pressing a sweet kiss over the rapidly pulsing artery.

Magnus lightly grazed his neck with a finger, leaning closer to his ear, breathing in the sweet scent of the blonde Shadowhunter. "Kissing someone's wrist is a sign of affection," the warlock whispered. Lips still pressed to the vulnerable skin, Alec could feel Jace's heartbeat speeding up, and as the blush blooming on his cheeks darkened, he wanted nothing more than be the reason for Jace's excitement for the rest of their lives.

"It is the sign of our passion for you," Magnus added, then lightly nibbed on the blond's ear, teasing it with small bites and sweet kisses. "This one is for teasing - teasing a lover, to show that not everything has to be serious. That we will bring playfulness into your life."

"Am I not playful enough already?" Jace tried to joke, but it fell flat as his mind was so clouded with confusion, hope, and want. Magnus still chuckled, the sound so close to his ear felt like loving fingers caressed his whole body.

"You are. You are our playful little puppy," Alec murmured, pressing a soft little kiss on the tip of Jace's nose. The blonde blushed so prettily, the red color spread all over his cheeks, neck, and even his chest. He may have planned to have kinky sex, which would not have made him embarrassed, but this?

This was new for him. Unknown territory.

"And what does this mean?" He asked, voice cracking.

"Sweet, innocent adoration," Alec explained, while Magnus traced down the redness with his finger, making Jace almost losing his mind. The mixture of arousing touches and sweet words felt too much, yet, at the same time, not enough. He wanted to run, away from his feeling, from their feelings, yet he wanted to stay. To bask in their love, to be surrounded by them.

"Alec," he breathed. He didn’t know what he wanted, but he knew Alec would know. He always knew.

Without conscious thought, he closed his eyes, giving an opening for Magnus, to peck his eyelids, first on the left and then on the right. "This means devotion. That we cherish you and want to protect you from everything. We know that you can protect yourself, but we want to love you. Take care of you," Alec whispered.

The whine that came out of Jace was suspiciously puppy-like. He felt like he was floating. He wanted more-

No. He needed more!

He tried leaning forward, to kiss Alec, but Magnus' embrace pulled him back before he could reach his target. Thankfully, he was not long without another teasing kiss, now pressed on his naked shoulder. Magnus' facial hair left a red mark in his wake, making Jace wishing for more.

More kisses, more marks, more-!

"A shoulder kiss is a promise for more," Alec smirked, winking at Jace, but before the blond could think of anything with his slow, foggy mind, his parabatai's lips found a sensitive spot on his neck.

A loud moan tore from Jace. His head rolled back, helping Alec to find a better position, jaw slack, eyes glassy with pleasure. He felt teeth marring into his skin, not tearing, just holding, worrying - working on leaving a mark that would show everybody that Jace was theirs.

"Possessiveness," explained Magnus, leaving his own mark against Jace's skin. The blonde Shadowhunter floating in ecstasy looked utterly debauched, making it almost impossible to resist him. But it was not the time for it - not yet. They had one last kiss to share with him.

"This," Alec took Jace's right hand into his," is a promise. No, not even a promise. This is a fact," he said almost ominously. If the blonde would have had more brainpower to think about these words, he might have found them confusing and strange, but as he was halfway gone, he could only stare at his parabatai in awe.

"A kiss on the palm means," Magnus continued, taking his left hand, then pressing a feather-soft, almost not-there kiss to the center of Jace's palm. "My heart... Our hearts are in your hand."

"You have our heart. You have had it since the beginning, and you will have it until you decide you don't want them anymore," Alex finished with a last kiss on Jace's palm.

The silence that fell on the room was heavy, yet neither of them tried to break it. The pair already said what they wanted, and the blonde man, dressed as a puppy?

He had important things to wrap his head around. But one thing he was sure of: he would guard their hearts they offered him as an overprotective dragon forever. They were his - and he was theirs.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Worth the Risk

CW: Referenced past domestic violence, memories of trauma, some PTSD references, vaguely referenced noncon, abuse survivor navigating relationship conflict, BBU politics

Follow-up to Akio’s Idea

The sun glances off Kauri’s shoulder, lights his pale skin in gold, turns one wide blue eye to a kind of shimmering precious metal. He sits on the bed, on the soft comforter that he helped Jake pick out when he started staying here, soft as down, as feathers, as the way Jake holds him. His stomach twists with cold nervousness, but he manages, his voice low, even deeper, with time, than when he and Jake first met, to ask, “What did you just say?”

“I said no.” Jake closes the door, Kauri listens to the click, part of him eternally on edge for the sound of a lock. There isn’t one, on this door. Jake bought door knobs without a lock, Kauri watched him install it. He can open this door whenever he wants.

He can leave, if he has to.

If he wants to.

“Yeah, I heard you. I think you should reconsider, Jake. This idea - it’s the best one anyone could have. It’ll be public, too public, not something they can come back at without it being really obvious it’s them. If they do this and Chris disappears… people will notice. If they do this, and we get raided, or the Nakamura kid gets threatened, people - the media, our fucking neighbors, the fucking government - will notice.”

“The government is why you all have to hide in the first place.” Jake groans, leaning back against the door. “The government passed the laws that keep you all hiding, that mean you can’t go to school, get paying jobs. The government made those raids legal in the first place! You can’t be serious, Kauri. You cannot be seriously thinking about going along with this.” He’s sincere, but Kauri bristles, too. 

You can’t be serious, Kor-Bore. Those rocks in your head must be rolling around too fast.

“Well, I-I am. I think it’s a good idea, I think Chris should do it if he wants-”

“I don’t want him involved in this.” Jake’s voice is flat. It’s solid. It brooks no appeal, but Kauri isn’t ready to be ground down under it, no this time. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he remembers he wrote a poem once, not for a class just for himself, and the words were 

I will say, more weight and take the stones you lay upon me still I will breathe in, out more weight

“Jake, I don’t think it’s your choice.”

Jake looks at him from across the room, tall and imposing, all muscles and bulk. His jaw works while he thinks, and Kauri has kissed that jaw, rubbed his own to redness on the stubble there, has watched it soften and relax at the end of hard days with him, just with him, alone in here with a door he can open any time he wants. “What do you mean?”

“Chris’s life isn’t yours,” Kauri says, pitching his already deep voice lower. “It just isn’t. Neither is mine. We-... Jake, I love you, but… if Chris wants to do this, he’s a grown man. He gets to make that decision, and we-... you… don’t.”

He sees the words hit Jake, and Kauri swallows the apology that he feels bubble up in his throat. He doesn’t have to be sorry, for saying something true. 

Jake’s eyes move away from his, head shaking, a bit of his ash-blond hair falling over his forehead. It’s gotten shaggy, he’s overdue for a haircut. Kauri likes to watch him, sitting in the backyard with a towel over his shoulders, Antoni clipping centimeters with perfect steadiness, running the electric clipper up the back, leaving the remainder soft and perfect for Kauri’s fingers to run through. 

“Kauri-”

“Jake. I’m not with you because you tell us what to do. I’m with you because you don’t.” Kauri’s voice stays low, and it’s not trembling, or faint, or weak. Just… soft, but in a way that still carries across the room. He sits back against the headboard, crossing his arms, and makes himself meet Jake’s gaze.

Blue on blue, always.

“I’m not telling anyone what to do-”

“You literally just said to me, in your own fucking words, Jake Stanton, I said no. Please, explain to me how that’s not telling Chris and I what to do. Yeah? Elaborate, I’m happy to hear it.” 

Jake’s eyes narrow. He bristles, defensively, and Kauri’s heart beats hard, pounding against his breastbone. The old scar on his collarbone, still a twisted bit of skin that feels oddly silky under his fingers, begins to itch, to ache. It’s an old phantom pain, a reminder - don’t fight back. 

But he won’t back down, or lower his eyes. Not this time. 

“I’m not-... Kaur, I’m just saying no to Chris’s, to his friend’s plan, that’s all.” Jake moves towards him, hands out like a supplicant. Kauri swallows against the sense of fingers brushing over his throat, thumbs pressing to his pulse, pushing in. He pretends he can’t feel the push to forgive forget be good. 

He only waits, gives the silence time to tick out between them, and raises one eyebrow in skepticism. He can feel his own pulse flutter, anxiety chilling the tips of his fingers and his toes, flipping his stomach. Jake won’t hurt him, for this. He won’t. 

After the pause draws out, Jake drops onto the bed himself, sitting at the edge facing one of the windows, looking at the pristine cloudless blue over the tops of the neighborhood houses. His elbows rest on his thighs. He looks tired, in a way he hasn’t looked in years. Tired like he used to look, when he ran on coffee and the smallest victories.

He’s as handsome as Kauri remembers from his earliest blurry feverish memories, although his jawline is sharper now. Every year is written on them both, one way or another. Kauri has his own changes, that he can see in the mirror if he doesn’t look for too long, if he pushes past the headaches that still hit every time he sees himself. 

Kauri sees the weight pushing Jake down, the way he feels like he carries them all, long after they’ve more or less learned to stand on their own two feet. He swallows - Jake isn’t his keeper, and never was. He’s meant to be love, the kind that doesn’t lock the doors, the kind that never says you’re so lucky someone will take care of you, you can’t take care of yourself.

“It’s just.” Jake sighs and puts his head in his hands. “Even if it does work for Chris - and who knows if it will - even if it protects him, it could put everyone else in serious danger. My new rescues, you, Antoni, even Nat… everyone.”

“Or,” Kauri offers, voice softening a little, “It could make us all safer by making everyone refuse to look away any longer. Make it harder to make us disappear. You don’t know-”

“That’s just it, Kauri!” Jake turns to look at him, genuinely distraught. Kauri’s fingertips itch to touch, to soothe, to fix. He doesn’t move. “Nobody knows. Nobody has any idea what will happen, no one’s ever done anything like this before!”

Kauri wants to run his fingers through that mussed-up hair, straddle his lap, kiss away his fears. He knows, instinct and training, how to fix unhappiness with his body. Seven years and still, still he knows, deep down.

Instead, Kauri swallows, raises his chin, and sets his jaw. He holds. 

“We… we could be freed, Jake.” His voice is barely above a whisper, insistent. “All of us. All of us who run away, me-... Ant, yeah, but also the new ones, and the older ones still on the streets. We could stop hiding. We could-”

“Get thrown into a van,” Jake says, voice cracking a little. “You could be dragged back by fucking WRU into that fucking place. You could disappear, and I’ll never-” Jake’s eyes glitter a little, red at the edges. “I’ll never see you again. Not you… not Ant, not Chris, not anybody. Kauri, I can’t-... everybody who disappears into WRU, they don’t come back.”

“I came back,” Kauri says, voice soft. “I went back in and I came back out-”

“Because Owen Grant fucking paid them to take you back in!” Kauri doesn’t flinch at the sound of his name, not anymore. He doesn’t shiver, although he still feels the chill down his spine. His arms drop, hands back on the comforter, rubbing over a seam sewn in. The headboard makes his back ache where his shoulder blades press against the carved wood. He’s been tied up before, hands wrapped in ropes, his shoulders smacking back into the headboard with every shift of Owen’s hips, until he bruised, and Owen pressed his hand into the bruise and said, I did that, Kor-Bore. I made you look like this. You’re mine.

“But we can come back out without-... without losing ourselves,” Kauri says, voice starting to shake, now. He can feel the bruises that aren’t there. He can see the focus in Owen’s green eyes, too close, feel sweat that isn’t his dripping onto his skin. He can-

He can’t-

“If they want you to. But they won’t, Kauri. And if you get dragged back, after this long, after… after everything… I can’t fail you like that, Kauri. Not you, not Chris. I can’t fail you all like that.”

“You wouldn’t.” Kauri leans forward, now. When Jake leans towards him, he lays a hand over Jake’s, rubs a thumb over his knuckles. “It’s not your responsibility to decide if we speak out. It wouldn’t be your failure, either. But if it works… this could change everything for us. Nobody ever-... nobody ever wants to stand up for us, Jake, not like this. This could make me safer than I’ve ever been, and Chris, too.”

Jake is silent, looking down at their hands. Then he takes in a deep breath. “I think… I think you’ve seen good people for so long,” He says, heavily, words coming out only with effort, “that you’ve forgotten that most people are fucking awful.”

“I haven’t-”

“We’ve been… we’ve been really fortunate, Kauri...”

So fucking lucky.

“... and I can’t risk losing my rescues, just so Chris’s friend can make a fucking point.”

“That Nakamura kid had the idea, yeah, but… Chris wants to do this. He wants to, um, to take Tristan back from this, from these people who stole him.” Kauri curves his fingers into Jake’s palm, squeezes his hand. “He wants to do this for himself, sure, but also for everyone else like him. The, the underagers-”

Jake winces at the reminder and Kauri, always keyed in to the potential negative emotions of anyone around him, can see the old anger simmering under the surface. He wasn’t there when Chris came to stay, but he heard the fury in Jake’s voice when he described it, knows that Chris was Jake’s little brother long before the papers were ever signed to make it official.

“Right,” Jake mumbles.

He’s not mad at me. He’s not mad at me. He’s not mad at me. He’s not.

“He wants to make sure it won’t happen to other ones like him,” Kauri says, keeping soft, telling himself he’s not trying to sound sweet, or good. “Even if we can’t stop it, if all we do is make them stop taking kids-”

“Kaur, they’ll just get quieter about it. They won’t stop, they’ll just stop leaving tracks, stop making it so we can find them. Don’t you get that?” 

Jesus, Kauri, don’t you get it?

Kauri’s breath catches. He has to force the exhale, it comes only with effort, through a throat closing. His scar itches even more. “Jake, you’re-... you’re n-not seeing that it doesn’t have to be the worst-case scenario-

“I can see just fine.” Jake pulls his hand away, rubbing at his face, his temples. Kauri sits there with his own hand still out, his fingers curved around nothing but air. “It’s you guys who just can’t see how this is really going to end. You, and Akio, and Chris, you’re all fucking convinced it’s going to solve itself, that we’ll, what? Tell everyone what happened and then you’ll get a standing fucking ovation and the credits roll, world changed, easy as that?”

“Jake, we-... no one is saying this is going to be easy, or-”

“You all are. You’re all saying that!” Jake’s voice is rising, not mad at me he’s not mad at me he’s not mad at me he’s not, and Kauri leans away. His scar burns, pain singing through it like the wires were never removed. He did it himself, he held the bloody things in his hand and stared at them before he passed out on a trashbag on some shitty motel floor, he did it himself and they’re gone but they hurt, anyway.

“You’re acting like one big show will fix it, and you know what it does? It starts it. It starts a whole new set of problems - not even for me, Kaur, for everyone else who runs a safehouse! You’re putting every fucking rescue in serious fucking danger, and you say it’s not my responsibiliy, but you are all my responsibility!”

“We’re adults!” Kauri snaps the words before he can think enough not to. “We’re not kids, Jake, and we’re all-... we’ve all been working for years to be people, and we are. If we want to take the risk-”

“For yourselves, sure, go ahead, fine. Go flying off the fucking cliff and I’ll be there to pick your bodies out of the fucking rubble after.” Jake stands again, pacing, stomping along the floor. Kauri wonders if they can hear him, downstairs. He briefly blocks the light coming in through the window, the room darkens slightly. Kauri’s breath comes faster. “But you can’t put everyone else at risk. You can’t. I won’t let you.”

“You can’t stop us, either.” Jake turns to look at him, and Kauri’s voice nearly falters, dies in his throat. But he pushes, he forces himself to keep speaking. His hand moves unconsciously to scratch at his scar through his shirt, the itch is driving him crazy. “We’re already all at risk, Jake. They pick us up on the street sometimes, if someone calls in a tip. They send vans to safehouses already - you got your ass kicked when they tried to come for Chris-”

“I protected him, then! I can’t protect him if he stands around waving a sign that says I’m a pet, WRU come get me!”

“Maybe Chris decides if he needs protecting, now.” Kauri can hear his own voice dipping into a plea, and he scratches harder, digging his nails into the cotton fabric of his shirt until the skin underneath is burning hot with the ache.

The little circles get hot when Owen sets them off, just a fraction of a second’s warning before the pain that follows on its heels.

“Maybe-... maybe I decide if I need protecting, too. I wish you would understand-”

“I wish you would understand, Kaur! But it feels like you just… don’t, or can’t. Like, it doesn’t matter what I fucking say, it’s just not sinking in, is it?”

There’s a silence, in the room, then.

You’re so fucking stupid.

“Jake-”

“I’m not the bad guy here,” Jake says, almost desperately. He’s not looking at Kauri - he doesn’t see the wrinkle between his eyes as his eyebrows come together, doesn’t see the look on his face, doesn’t see that Kauri’s eyes glitter now, too. “I mean, I’m not trying to be, I just-”

Don’t look at me like that, baby, I’m not the bad guy here. You’re the one who thought you could fucking cook. God, you’re lucky someone loves you.

“... want to keep everyone safe, and staying under the radar is the only thing that’s ever worked. You know, groups have tried going public before, and they get raided, they get hurt. All I’m trying to do is look out for you and Chris, take care of you-”

I’m taking care of you, Kor-Bore. Jesus, it’s not like you could take care of yourself.

“-and everyone else. I love you, Kauri, so much, I want you in my life more than anything-”

I love you, baby. Who else would want you?

“... Chris, too, and I’ve worked so hard to keep all of you safe, and I’m so scared to lose you, I just want you to get that. I can’t see this ending any way but badly, and I’m s-so scared. And you’re so busy staring into the sun trying to figure out how to fly there, and nobody’ll fucking listen to me saying your wings are made of fucking wax. It’s like talking to fucking walls.”

Talking to you is like talking to a gorgeous fucking brick wall, isn’t it?

There’s a bright flash of pain as Kauri breaks skin over his scars. He gasps, a little, for half a second he’s waiting for his muscles to lock, nerves to feel like fire right down to his fingertips, for it all to go horribly, painfully, agonizingly wrong. The shock doesn’t come, but instead Kauri feels new heat inside him. 

I know I asked for you to be stupid, but Jesus Christ, Kor-Bore, this is something else.

“I’m not stupid,” He whispers.

Jake blinks and looks over at him, then. Kauri meets his eyes, and sees Jake’s expression shift, and change, in a way that feels like worry, the prelude to an apology. For half a second, Kauri wants to wait, to hear it, to forgive him. 

But Owen apologized, too, over and over, and then he called Kauri stupid again anyway, or hurt him, over and over, until he begged for it to stop, until he pleaded, until he was quiet and soft and sweet and forgot how to be anything else. 

Kauri had to fight, for his sharp edges. 

He won’t let anyone take them away again.

“Shit,” Jake whispers. “Kauri, I didn’t mean-”

“Shut up.” Jake’s mouth snaps shut. “I’m not stupid, Jakob Stanton. I’m not. It doesn’t matter how many ways you or anyone else says it, you can’t make me think I’m stupid anymore!”

“I wasn’t-”

“I said stop talking!” Kauri pushes off the bed now, stalking across the room. He aches, all his muscles remember the aftermath of fighting back, but he ignores the pains he knows are being fed by his memories and not by anything real. “Just… just stop, and listen to me, Jake. Okay. Can you just. Can you just listen?”

Jake swallows, slowly sitting back down on the bed, and nods, hands where Kauri can see them, flat on the bedspread. “Yeah. You, uh. Go on.”

“Thank you for the fucking permission slip, Mr. Stanton. Go fuck yourself, I don’t need you to tell me when I can and can’t talk.” Kauri’s voice drips anger, it’s bathed in it, years and years and years of anger built inside him finally breaking through the cracks in his sweetness. “I’m less than two years younger than you, more or less, so stop treating me like I’m a fucking infant. Which, by the way, neither is Chris.”

Jake doesn’t try to speak this time.

Good.

“I’ve been on the run for seven years. I’m fucking tired. Antoni’s been gone for a decade. Chris has been out for, what, five years? Six? And we’re all still under the radar. None of us have our original names, our original lives. We can’t go home, because we don’t have one anymore! If this idea works, then there are hundreds - maybe thousands of us, Jesus fuck - who could go home again! Who could put our faces on papers and see if anyone knows who we are! We-we could ask for blood tests, we could do the DNA matches they do when they find our bodies, we could-... we could remind everyone who walks past us begging for change that we were goddamn people, and we can be people again!”

Jake swallows. Kauri watches his throat bob with the movement. His collarbone is on fire, but it’s only feeding the hotter flame inside him, the way it feels to just say what he thinks and not have anyone talk over or around it.

Jake watches him.

Jake listens.

“Chris has something we almost never get back. He has his name. He has Tristan Higgs and even more than that, Tristan Higgs had friends. Tristan Higgs had a family, and friends, and this whole life and-... and he found it again.”

“I would-... you know I’d help you find your family in a heartbeat-”

“Jake, that’s not my point. This isn’t about me, or my life, or any of it. I’m just trying to say… Chris wants to do this. He’s wanting to be so fucking brave, braver than I am, than a-any of us here are going to be, probably. He’s going to look WRU in the eyes and tell them Tristan Higgs isn’t forgotten. If you tell him not to, he w-won’t, but… but I think you should tell him to do what he thinks is right, instead. And prepare for it to not be the thing you want him to do.”

Jake nods, just barely. Then, he offers, “Kauri, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to imply-”

“I know. But you did. You said I’m stupid not to agree with you, and that’s not true.”

“That’s not what I-”

“Jake. Just listen to me.”

“Right.”

There’s power in this moment, in telling someone to listen to him, to stop, and having them just… do it. In his mind, Kauri shoves Owen up against a wall, throws him off the fucking balcony, drowns him in the bathtub, smothers him with a pillow locks him in the fucking box from WRU that he locked Kauri in for sensory deprivation pulls the giant TV over on top of him burns the fucking condo to the ground-

-cuts the wires out of himself, piece by piece, screaming with the pain even as his fingers twist into the pieces and pull them out, blacks out and wakes up and keeps going, again and again, until the only thing left is the blood-

Kauri’s chin lifts, and he holds out his hands for Jake to take, but it’s not weakness. He’s not appeasing the danger in the room, he is the danger. 

He can be dangerous.

He can own himself so thoroughly that no one can take him away from himself, not ever again.

“You think I’m naive,” He says, softly. “Because we all start that way. You think that I don’t know what could happen to us after this. But I’m telling you… I know I could disappear. I could know that we could get hurt. I know how bad it can be. I know what it’s like, going back in there.” 

Jake pulls his hands close, kisses the backs of them, slowly leans his forehead to touch there against Kauri’s knuckles. “I’m so scared to lose you,” He whispers. “All of you.”

“I know,” Kauri says, and his voice gentles, now. “I know you are. But… Jake, what I’m saying is… we’ve all already lost everything there was to lose. We lost our families, if we had any. We lost our memories. We lost our names. Chris, and I…”

He pulls his hands free, moves closer, lets Jake lean forward to rest against his stomach, his fingers running through his short blond hair. Kauri’s eyes light on a framed photo, one Jake has carried with him for years.

Jake with Chris at the beach, Kauri standing off to the side shading his eyes. All of them smiling.

“We know what it means to be lost. And we want to tell WRU that no matter what they do, the whole world is going to see what happens to kids like Chris in the system, and I-... I want you to trust me, Jake. Just for this. Trust me that I’ve thought through every single outcome, even the worst ones, and… I think the risk is worth it.”

Jake is quiet, his breathing warm on Kauri’s stomach, the hair at his nape soft under Kauri’s fingertips.

“I’m just scared,” Jake whispers.

Kauri nods, even though Jake can’t see it. Then he says, softly, “I’m not.”

Another pause. “Okay. I love you, Kaur. I-I’m scared shitless, but... I trust you. I need your help to plan for what we’re going to do to make sure my people aren’t here when it happens. I-I can’t-... I’ll help you, but… but I need your help, too.”

Kauri smiles. He tries not to feel triumph. He does, a little.

Mostly he feels like he could walk out the door right now and Jake wouldn’t stop him - but he doesn’t have to. He knows he can.

He doesn’t want to.

“I love you, too, Jake. Let me talk to Keira. I think-... I think I know what we can do to make sure if WRU tries to come for the safehouses, they won’t find a single goddamn one of us at home.”

 ---

Tagging: @burtlederp , @finder-of-rings , @endless-whump , @whumpfigure , @astrobly @newandfiguringitout , @doveotions , @pretty-face-breaker , @boxboysandotherwhump  , @oops-its-whump  @cubeswhump ,  @whump-tr0pes  @whumpiary @downriver914 @vickytokio ​

[eievuimemes]

LYRICS RP SENTENCE STARTERS

“ A part of me wishes I could just feel something. “

“ A war is coming. “

“ Am I a fool ? “

“ Be careful how you talk to me. “

“ Big fucking deal. “

“ Can’t you take a hint ? “

“ Come with me. “

“ Do you ever hear me calling ? “

“ Everybody’s got a dark side. “

“ Go back to the days when we felt like friends. “

“ God, it’s depressing. “

“ Gotta do my own thing. “

“ Hate’s a very strong word. “

“ Have I failed my daughter/son/child ? “

“ Have you any soul ? “

“ Have you no shame ? “

“ I ain’t leaving your side. “

“ I can’t take it all. “

“ I can’t trust anything now. “

“ I didn’t know everything I’ve got. “

“ I don’t dare let darkness have its way with me. “

“ I don’t even know what I’m reading. “

“ I don’t wanna remember it all. “

“ I finally had enough. “

“ I just can’t escape. “

“ I make mistakes. “

“ I remember the good times. “

“ I run the risk of losing you. “

“ I run this show. “

“ I see the way you go and say you’re right again. “

“ I still mean every word I said to you. “

“ I was never really one to plan. “

“ I will not let you down. “

“ If it kills me tonight, I will be ready to die. “

“ If you can’t hang then there’s the door. “

“ It ain’t too good. “

“ It’s never gonna happen again. “

“ It’s time for you to choose. “

“ I’ll only end up losing you. “

“ I’m afraid of the thoughts inside. “

“ I’m here to give you all of my love. “

“ I’m not hurt, I’m tense. “

“ I’m taking what’s mine. “

“ I’m thinking I love the thought of you more than I love your presence. “

“ I’ve lost all my faith. “

“ Just let it go. “

“ Let go of what I’ve done. “

“ Listen, please. “

“ Love yourself to death. “

“ My enemy’s invisible. “

“ My voice will be heard today. “

“ No room for innocence. “

“ Nobody’s a picture perfect. “

“ She looks just like you. “

“ She meant the world to me. “

“ Shes going down. “

“ Some people got the real problems. “

“ Something’s getting in the way. “

“ They don’t know what I know. “

“ They’ll return, but I’ll be stronger. “

“ This doesn’t hurt. “

“ This is my game. “

“ This is my life. “

“ This one might be a battle. “

“ Tough for you to witness, but it was for me too. “

“ Try it again. “

“ We do not want to kill anyone ! “

“ We don’t have to live like this. “

“ We’re in the fight of our lives. “

“ We’re just wasting time. “

“ We’re stronger now. “

“ We’re worth it. “

“ We’ve only just begun. “

“ What did she say about me ? “

“ What do I do ? “

“ What do I need you for ? “

“ What’s anybody saying ? “

“ What’s wrong with being confident ? “

“ Will they live ? “

“ Will you stay ? “

“ You are dead in my eyes. “

“ You can cut me loose. “

“ You can’t escape me. “

“ You can’t make me behave. “

“ You could use a buddy. “

“ You don’t have to throw it away. “

“ You don’t know how you betrayed me. “

“ You may forget me. “

“ You only wanted me to screw up. “

“ You seem so very far. “

“ You think you’ve won this fight. “

“ You watched as everything just burned. “

“ You’ll never be loved. “

“ You’re acting so weird. “

“ You’re hard to hug. “

“ You’re like my dad. “

“ You’ve always been a huge piece of shit. “

“ You’ve got everybody fooled. “

“ You’ve got some evil deep down inside you. “

“ You’ve never been loved. “

[valkyriessword]

@silverquick who knows -.- some people just really care about defending people when they fuck up like this i guess.

[knightimehopes]

The Conversation.

Ult Dirk: ��

Ult Dirk: I know you’re here, and listening.

Ult Dirk: You have no choice but to listen to this, so save yourself the trouble and show yourself.

Ult Dirk: We need to talk, and I’m not interested in you being a whiny, adamant little shit about it.

Ult Dirk: There you go, the young Prince finally got his ass in gear.

Ult Dirk: It took you long enough, I had thought I’d needed to taunt you out like one of those seductive pole dancers that old Earth apparently liked. Of course, nobody actually cares about that.

Ult Dirk: The web of realities finally connect to bring us to this very moment, tying together into a tapestry of universes showing off our huge ass face as if we needed a huge display of our collective ego any more than we did.

Ult Dirk: Which I did of course.

Ult Dirk: We were meant to speak again, in order to get to the true fucking culspe of our narrative importance.

Dirk: (Jesus fucking Christ.)

Ult Dirk: Look, I’ll get to the point.

Dirk: That’s a first.

Dirk: Thought you were going to suck off your own dick of infinite splinters for fifty hours so you can spout shit about random philosophy I’m pretty sure you don’t actually give a flying fuck about.

Ult Dirk: Do you really want to go down the road of selfcest?

Ult Dirk: I know you hate me, but let’s have mercy on the both of us and not bring that topic into this.

Ult Dirk: I’m not a fan.

Dirk: Aren’t you the motherfucker who said, and I quote;

Dirk: “I had thought I’d needed to taunt you out like one of those seductive pole dancers that old Earth apparently liked.”?

Dirk: I wasn’t the one who began to say the creepiest shit to a sixteen year old version of myself.

Dirk: So grow the fuck up and get to the point.

Ult Dirk: I won’t fall for your childish insults, because you clearly have no idea about the importance of this conversation.

Ult Dirk: I’m pretty sure this is the only point you’ll actually find any relevance in any timeline, and even that is a stretch.

Ult Dirk: You’re not something of worth because of your own actions, and you should honestly be thanking me that I brought you here.

Ult Dirk: Limelight finally shines upon your insignificant self, for the third time mind you.

Ult Dirk: This is your last chance to accept my offer, and I will tell you one. Last. Time.

Ult Dirk: I want you to allow me to use your body as my vessel in your universe.

Ult Dirk: I have my limits on where my influence can get to, as you know. I actually only cared about this timeline having my control dominationg it, at first.

Ult Dirk: But I had an epiphany.

Ult Dirk: Your timeline, among others, is within the Alpha timeline, as surprising as I’m sure you think it is.

Ult Dirk: A gleaming beacon shining through the god damn garbage of dumbass timelines that have no bearing on anyone or anything.

Ult Dirk: So I thought this;

Ult Dirk: You can help me bring your timeline, and universe along with it, to true narrative supremacy alongside mine.

Ult Dirk: Disagree with me if you want, go on ahead, but consider my offer before you decide to make yourself a fucking waste.

Ult Dirk: Everyone benefits from an actual point for existing, Dirk. Your friends are hellbound towards meaninglessness and redundancy, repeating the same old actions and the same old routine. You’ll get sick of it eventually, all of you will.

Ult Dirk: This cannot be stressed enough, you just can’t give up my chance to attain continuous relevancy. People won’t watch a story without enlarged stakes, and my supreme domination with thousands of stories to come will keep us in the public eye for a long, long while.

Ult Dirk: Make your choice wise-

Dirk: Okay, shut the everloving fuck up, please.

Dirk: I’ve had my patience with you the first two times.

Dirk: But it’s worn thin.

Dirk: Nobody is interested in an out of character incel who’s decided that the only way he’ll look appealing is if he cosplays in the worst Kamina cosplay anyone’s seen in decades.

Dirk: No one, and I mean no one, is going to give a fuck about what some random pompous poofy pants asshole says in his psychotic ramblings about some “Narrative” or whatever the fuck you keep spouting on and on with.

Dirk: Speaking of, what the fuck even is this long winded metaphor of yours that you keep on mentioning with readers and stories anyways? It’s gotten old after the first fucking mention of it.

Dirk: There is no goddamn point to anything you’re even saying with it, at least I have a method to the shitty fucking madness that is my life that I put all my friends through.

Dirk: You’re just spouting shit and acting out without even understanding the ramifications or even acknowledging how much of a shithead you come off as instead of how you want to be seen.

Dirk: Everybody knows you’re just putting on the act of being an all knowing holier than thou smug prick, but the only thing you are is a coward who can’t come to terms with anything.

Dirk: We’ve talked too many times, and you told me everything you did, and the only thing you accomplished is disgusting me more and more.

Dirk: I don’t know what got you to this point, how you got so far off the path we promised for ourselves.

Dirk: To be frank, I stopped giving a fuck when you told me what you did to our friends.

Dirk: You turned Jane into a facist Republican propaganda piece with your absolutely deplorable bullshit “narration” powers, you reduced Jake to a goddamn manchild who can’t even stand in front of a crowd without shitting himself.

Dirk: And I don’t even know if this is your fault or Roxy somehow was forced to lose brain cells, but for your Roxy, they’ve been essentially simplified into pink Dave at this goddamn point, not to mention that you’ve insulted them by not even dignifying their identity.

Dirk: That’s not even the beginning, mind you. But the fact that you decided that the people we loved for years deserved to be riduculed, infantalized, demonized, and reduced to imbeciles by your hand is something that you remotely deemed okay? That’s a transgression I can’t be anything but disgusted with you for.

Ult Dirk: You clearly misunderstand how inconsequential all you just criticized me for was and still is.

Ult Dirk: Dirk, misgendering and manipulation means nothing compared to what I have in store.

Ult Dirk: You don’t even have any proof to show that I did it in any case, all everyone knows is that I left on some mission that nobody fucking knows jack on.

Ult Dirk: How bad can I truly be, with just those as my only crimes?

Dirk: Perfect segway into how you kidnapped Rose, corrupted her, and manipulated her wife into believing everything I just stated and more was fucking okay by her when she clearly didn’t, and now she wants to fucking murder you, and so on.

Dirk: Not to mention, John Egbert.

Ult Dirk: I didn’t do anything to John.

Ult Dirk: Bare in mind that it still was useful for getting the Seer of Mind on my side, regardless of the blame for his death. Seriously, how the hell did I do anything to a guy far out of my reach?

Dirk: Sure, because you totally didn’t bullshit the concept of “Cherub Poison” that essentially one shot kills god tiers and completely bypasses our complete bullshit deus ex machina known as conditional immortality.

Dirk: Either way, doesn’t excuse that you used his death to manipulate a grieving woman either. I can go on, but seriously.

Dirk: It baffles me that you think any of this fucking shit is remotely excuseable. We’re done here.

Dirk: Get a life, you sorry sack of shit. You don’t even deserve any of the similes turned defemations or symbolic insults I can come up with right now.

Ult Dirk: You go when I say you go.

Ult Dirk: You want to play a game?

Ult Dirk: Fine.

Ult Dirk: I’ll humor you.

Ult Dirk: I want to-

Dirk: -Play a game in which I’m still a piece of shit trying to manipulate another person around him into his twisted schemes.

Dirk: That’s what you should have gone on to end it with. Because we know it’s the truth.

Dirk: Real fucking original line, by the way. Want to pull out the bro vs. bro strife drama out of your ass to add on to the shitty callback cake? Just sprinkle that shit on there?

Ult Dirk: You’ll never understand, will you?

Dirk: I could honestly say the same to you, especially when you try to look like the king of the weaboo neckbeards.

Ult Dirk: Don’t compare me to Tegiri Kalbur.

Dirk: Who the hell even is that? You know what, don’t care.

Dirk: What I’m saying is that despite your reasoning of this being all important because you’re suddenly the villain now out of left field, doesn’t explain how this has remotely any point to even happen in the first place.

Dirk: If you wanted relevance through this Sburb session you’re trying to set up, then think about it. Would anyone have complained about you going off to make some new alien species on a new planet? I doubt they actually would have, if you didn’t go off and specifically piss off everyone in your five hundred thousand mile vicinity.

Dirk: Hell, I guarantee some people would have wanted to help you out with some of this shit, it probably would have been an entertaining experience for some of the more scientifically minded folks in our social circle.

Dirk: Not that you care, you’ve made that pretty evident.

Ult Dirk: I’m not letting you leave.

Ult Dirk: This decision has long left your capability to effect it. I gave you your chances to assimilate with me willingly, and you chose to shit on my offers time and time again.

Ult Dirk: So you’ve left me no choice but to beat you down myself, and make sure you finally understand your place, and your role in the frameworks of my greatest masterpiece.

Ult Dirk: My words explaining to you how you don’t understand weren’t me flexing the muscles of my ego in your face, Dirk. It was an explanation on how futile your resistance truly is.

Ult Dirk: Come at me bro. We’ll make this happen.

Dirk: Finally, some words we can agree on.

Ult Dirk: And I’ll cut this off for the dumbass posting this to Tumblr of all places with a nice, shoddily made callback.

Seriously, Tumblr? You have a fanfic you can just as easily post all this to on AO3, you could have made your own website, but you chose Tumblr. This is what I get when I let a sixteen year old have the reigns.

If you want some context on this motherfucker, too bad. I’m not promoting shit for this child who thinks that my work is child’s play written by a band of idiots. They can do it themselves.

The next page will be up soon, so you can truly see who’s in charge here.

Until this bastard finishes the art, Dirk Strider, signing off. (God, that was the most moronic sentence I’ve had the displeasure to say. Of course they need me to sign off this way.)

Pg 1. You are Here

Pg 2. Coming Soon

Divergent Reality so far:

[melon-wing]

Dread Part 3

[PIRATE AU MASTERLIST] Doc had been restless for days now. He was short tempered with everyone around him and except for Ren everybody was trying not to cross paths too often with him. Every day he hoped news would reach him. He had sent more money than usual to his spy in the navy to make sure he'd find out everything he could about Grian. They should have rescued him by now. They should have found Bdubs by now. Why hadn't they? According to his informant the navy was still searching near the northern sea. And according to Doc's network of informants Bdubs was nowhere near that area. Why the hell where those idiots still searching in the wrong part of the world? If they had just saved Grian by now, Doc wouldn’t be such a mess.

Doc had been so close to giving the order to follow Bdubs. He had seen the hope in Ren’s eyes every time he had stepped out of his quarters about to change course. He had held back every time. No one was worth the lives of his crew. They were his family after all. They had always been there for him. They had been by his side through all the bad and good times when everyone else had abandoned him. He just couldn’t bear the burden of getting one of them killed, even if it meant losing Grian.

Sure, maybe their latest adventures had been only in the southern part of the sea, but that was just... just... Oh fuck, who was he trying to fool? He knew why. He wanted to be close by in case he decided to change his mind and sail straight into Bdubs’ trap. He didn’t want to endanger his friends, but a little voice had kept telling him that he should risk it. Or at least part with his crew and run in alone, try to bargain for Grian’s release if he himself stayed back as Bdub’s prisoner. He had always managed to suppress those urges, though he knew that his resolve was crumbling bit by bit every day without news of the navy rescuing Grian.

The door to his cabin flew open and Doc composed himself a little, slowly turning around to face Ren, whose face was as white as a sheet, his fist balled around a piece of fabric.

"Are there any news?", Doc's voice was strained. He had been asking that question too often lately. And he dreaded and hoped for news at the same time these days.

"Etho... Etho and False met with one of Bdubs’ men today."

Doc nodded, his lips a thin line. He should have known his crew wouldn't hold as still as he had ordered them to. He should have stopped their dangerous plans, but he had let them go on, because deep down he hoped it would help. "What did they find out?"

Ren hesitated and then held up his hand and what Doc had thought was just some old cleaning rag unfolded.

Doc’s eyes widened, his heart seemed to stop and then begin to race like crazy. No. No! This couldn’t be… But Doc would know that shirt anywhere. He'd spend so much time watching Grian…

The fabric on the back of the shirt was hanging in shreds and completely stained with blood. Doc took a step back, leaning against his desk, when he felt his legs beginning to shake. He could feel his breathing starting to become faster and he grabbed onto the desk hard, trying to calm himself. He took a deep breath, but every time his eyes travelled back to the blood, it felt like someone stabbed his heart, making it hard for him to stay composed. He knew Bdubs’ methods. He knew what the state of that shirt meant for Grian.

"Doc...? We have to-"

"No. No we don't." Doc's voice was shaking and so much higher than his usual commanding tone as he replied and he took another breath to calm himself, trying to push all his emotions down. He finally averted his eyes from the bloody shirt, knowing that looking at it would stop him from thinking rational. "We really don't. I don't want to see your clothes full of blood next, Ren. I can’t... Tell the crew to set sail. We are heading north. As far away as possible from them."

He just couldn't. He couldn't let his emotions win. No matter how much he wanted to. He was a Captain. Their Captain. He alone carried the responsibility to ensure the crew’s safety.

Ren stayed silent for a while and Doc sighed, lowering his gaze a little, not ready to face the disappointment he was sure to find on his friend’s face.

Suddenly a knife whizzed past Doc’s head, grazing his hair and cutting a few strands before burying itself into the wall behind him.

Doc's gaze snapped up and he looked at Ren furiously, his furry mirrored back at him on Ren’s face. “Now you listen, you little piece of shit-”, Doc growled out, but he was soon interrupted by Ren’s raised voice.

“No, Doc. You will listen to me. I’m gonna be blunt and talk to you not as my Captain, but as my friend.”

"Don't you already do that all the time?", Doc huffed, still annoyed.

"Doc. We will sail south. I will give the crew the order with, or without your permission. You are welcome to kick me off the ship once we rescued Grian. I know you want to protect all of us, but we don't need to be coddled. We all want you to be happy!"

"I am happy."

"Yeah... yeah you are. But you are happier when you are with him. Stop trying to pretend your feelings don't exist!"

"I..." Doc shook his head. "It's not like that."

"Stop lying to yourself. I know it, you know it. We all know it here. You love Grian. You're in love with him."

Doc’s anger faded from one second to the next, his eyes widening at Ren’s statement, all of his thoughts coming to an abrupt halt.

“What?”

Ren’s face softened as well, the anger all gone from their conversation. “Doc… You can’t tell me you never realised. You are treating nobody like him. The way you flirt with him.”

“I flirt with a lot of people!”, Doc protested. Sure, he was rather fond of Grian and enjoyed their time together. Grian was a pretty attractive guy and he wouldn’t mind having some fun with him, but in love? That was going a bit far… wasn’t it?

“Not since you met him. Every other conversation we have is about Grian. Since he’s been captured you’re falling deeper and deeper into a hole and it pains us all to see it. Doc, you are like a brother to me. All I want is for you to be happy, even if it means we are risking our lives.”

Doc couldn’t stop thinking about what Ren said. The word ‘love’ was constantly repeating in his thoughts. His gaze travelled to the fabric in Ren’s hand again and a cold realisation washed over him at the same time as dread grabbed his heart. “I love him…”

Doc paused and then pushed of the desk, a determined expression on his face as he walked up to Ren and took the shirt out of his hand, giving him a pat on the shoulder.

Doc stepped past his First Mate and out of the cabin. Everyone on the deck stopped to look at him, waiting. Doc lowered his gaze, looking at the shirt. He took a deep breath, raising his head again, pressing the bloody shirt against his chest where his heart was beating in excitement.

“Set sail! We are heading south. Prepare yourselves for a battle!”

~

Grian was awoken with a sudden start, as a bucket of water was dumped over him. The water ran down his back and it cost him a lot not to scream, as the saltwater got into the wounds. He bit down hard, forcing himself to stay completely silent until the worst of the pain passed. Slowly he turned his head a little, looking into the smiling face of one of Bdubs’ crew members. It was someone else than before, so they must be watching him in shifts. He felt like he had seen this one's face before, but he really wasn't sure anymore. This torture had been going for hours now. The sun had long set, but every time he managed to fall asleep in this uncomfortable position, still tied to the mast, kneeling on the floor, someone inflicted pain on him to wake him once more. He felt like he was losing his mind.

"Wakey, wakey, little prince. No sleeping for you on the Captain's orders. He wants you broken beyond repair before you die."

Grian managed to glare at the pirate out of tired eyes, but kept his mouth shut. He knew that talking back only meant more pain. He had given up talking back after the second hour. It made him feel like he was failing. There was a hand on his back, fingers pressing painfully into his wounds and then nails were scratching down his back. He began shaking once more but kept quiet.

"Such a pity that we have to get rid of you. You are a good fighter. You could have been part of this crew. The Captain could have broken you and build you up again into a perfect little puppet. But since you won't be... You know I never got my revenge for you making an idiot out of me in front of the Captain."

Grian almost groaned in annoyance at his luck. That's why the pirate's face had seemed vaguely familiar. It was one of the men that had attacked him when he'd been with Keralis. Or rather one of the guy that Grian beat up without even breaking into sweat.

"It's your own fault, you got yourself into this situation, really. Getting involved with our Captain's former lover... Never a good idea.", the pirate taunted and looked even more amused when Grian's eyes widened. "Oh, little boy, don't tell me you didn't know? Our Captain and your lover boy go way, way back. I'm glad he decided on Keralis in the end. That weakling Doc wouldn't have been worthy of our Captain's attention."

"Doc... He and Bdubs...", Grian repeated, his voice raspy from the amount of screaming he had done. But he just couldn’t keep it in.

"Oh so now you can speak? Gotten curious?" The moment Grian opened his mouth again, those fingernails pressed deep into one of the worse wounds and Grian screamed loudly, his body shaking even harder. "Got you there, our little songbird. But try not to be too loud. The Captain and his Mate want to sleep. You wouldn't want to disturb them now, would you? Keralis is really moody when he doesn't get enough sleep. All he has done so far will seem like gentle touches compared to that."

Grian swallowed and shut his mouth once again, not daring to risk another sound passing his lips. The pirate grinned smugly, as if he was taking Grian's silence as a challenge. "It's a pity I'm not allowed to break you too bad. That honour goes to the Captain. But what do you say about playing a little game?" The sound of fabric rustling and then Grian flinched when cold metal touched his back. The blade of the knife gently traced over his back, not pressing down deep enough to break any more skin. Still Grian's breath hitched and he tried to press himself closer to the mast, to get away from it. "I will ask you a few questions. For every wrong answer I'll leave a mark. For every answer I don't like I leave an even bigger mark. Understood?"

Grian didn't react and the pressure on the blade increased, making his heart beat faster.

“Understood?!

"Yes...", he whispered against the mast, trying to steel himself for what was about to come.

“Do you have any navy secrets that could help us?”

“Most likely not more than the guys Bdubs is paying”, Grian shot back, his expression darkening at the thought of the traitor in their midst. If he could control the search efforts for Grian he must be pretty high up the ladder.

The pirate behind him only laughed in amusement. “Well that would be true. Isn’t that lucky for you? No secrets I can torture out of you.” The pirate didn’t really sound like he thought it was a good thing. He seemed to be rather disappointed. That was, until another question came to his mind.

"What's Doc's weakness? Despite you of course."

Grian pressed his lips together. His mind flashing back to his countless battles with Doc, to all of their interactions. To the way he went feral, when one of his crew members was in serious trouble, blinded by fury. The blind spot he had when Grian attacked from a certain angle.

"He has none. You weaklings won't stand a chance against him", Grian spat out and then pressed his lips together, knowing very well what was about to come.

"Wrong answer." The knife dug into his skin at his side, blood flowing as a straight cut was made downwards. Grian pressed his teeth together almost painfully hard, but he managed to stay silent.

"What a nice game you two are playing. I also have a question..."

Grian froze when he heard Bdub's voice and steps coming closer. They must have woken him up. Oh shit, he really was in trouble now. Because while all of the pirates here were cruel, they still held back. The pirate behind Grian stepped back, but it only took about a second for the blade to appear at his back again, this time lower, right above his waistband. Before he even asked a question, Bdubs already started carving, a straight line and some curves. He chuckled darkly and then stopped for a second.

"I’ve always wondered. Tell me, Grian. How come you are alive?"

Grian turned his head, trying to look at Bdubs in confusion.

"What...?"

"Wrong answer."

The blade moved once more, another straight line and a curved, like he was tracing some pattern. Grian whimpered in pain and he hated himself for once again showing this much weakness, but he refused to shed any tears, no matter how much his body wanted to betray him.

"I... I don't know what you are talking about. I really don’t!"

Bdubs huffed, sounding almost annoyed that Grian hadn’t gotten his vague question. His free hand caressed the cuts he just made in a mockery of gentleness, smearing the blood over Grian's back. "Let me refresh your memory then. Ten years ago. On Gedwyld Island." Grian's breath hitched and he could hear the smirk in Bdubs voice now. "Ah, so you do remember. How interesting. Your name is not a funny coincidence then. I had my suspicions, but I wasn’t sure until now. You really did grow up there."

"Why do you know about that? How...?"

"Oh Grian, isn't it obvious? I was there. I was part of the crew that raided your island. I was standing guard outside the orphanage where we were looking for the boy."

Grian's mind flashed back to the fire and the screams, to the pirates roaming the streets, to the two pirates guarding the main entrance of the orphanage. He couldn't remember anything about them. He hadn't even been able to see their faces, so focused on trying to hide. Could one of them have been Bdubs? How else was he supposed to know about all of this?

"Funny thing you know. We found a lot of kids there, searching for our target. And one of them told us his name was Grian. Pretty black haired boy. Real hero, making sure all his little friends escaped, promising to bring us who we were looking for if we let them go. My mate put a bullet through his heart. Tell me... How did you survive that one?"

Grian froze up completely. "What?" he asked, his voice breaking and unnaturally high.

"You heard me the first time, pet", Bdubs huffed as if he was speaking to a little child, carving one more curved line into Grian's lower back. Grian sucked in air and whimpered in pain. It wasn't as bad as the constant whipping. He could suppress his screams easier, but it still hurt like hell. "How did you survive?"

Grian swallowed. His mind racing with images of that day. The pirate and Taurtis standing in that room. Hadn't the pirate said something about Taurtis being the boy they were looking for? And Taurtis had agreed to that. Grian had always wondered what that had meant and why someone had been after Taurtis.

Did that mean...?

"Answer me now, pet, and you better not be lying." The knife was resting against his skin, the threat clear in Bdubs’ voice.

"They shot my friend, not me", Grian whispered, his voice shaking as it dawned on him that he had been the one meant to die that day and not Taurtis. "He... Oh god. He pretended to be me?"

Bdubs made a thoughtful noise behind him and thankfully didn't continue carving right away. "So we got the wrong one, huh? That guy really was an idiot believing some suicidal kid. If it had been me in there, I would have asked for prove. Still, what a foolish boy, dying for someone else. Was he your boyfriend or what?"

Grian froze, his heart racing, his breathing becoming quicker. The locket against his chest was feeling heavier than it had ever done before. Bdubs behind him was silent for a few seconds and then he burst out laughing.

"Oh you poor thing. Always loosing. No wonder you are not falling into Doc's arms already, playing the strong soldier. You are scared to lose him. Well too late, pet", Bdubs said, humming to himself and then the knife was back against his skin, just resting there.

"Now tell me, Grian. Who did you piss of so much that they sent a whole pirate crew after you?"

How was Grian supposed to know that? Up until a second ago he hadn't even known that the attack had been directed at him. He didn’t even know what he was supposed to think anymore. He stayed silent for a second too long and the blade dug into his skin again, carving a straight line and two curved ones and Grian gasped, at the realisation what Bdubs was doing behind him. That gasp turned into a whimper. It wasn’t just some random pattern he had been carving.

"No... Don't do that", he pleaded, earning himself another smug chuckle from the Pirate Captain.

"Finally noticed? Took you long enough, pet. We both now I can't stop now. We are almost done after all. But depending on your answer I might make the cut a little less deep."

Grian pressed his lips together, his whole body trembling. He wanted to cry so badly, but he couldn't show more weakness then he already had. Once he gave up, he'd break. And if he was to die, he at least wanted to die in dignity. Or as much dignity as he had left right now.

"I don't know why, I swear. I didn't even know that they were supposed to kill me. I'm... I'm just an orphan. I wasn't even in the navy back then. I know nothing about...", Grian trailed off, his voice growing quiet as he almost inaudibly whispered the last words, "... my parents."

"Oh?" Bdubs sounded even more interested now and Grian wished he had just kept quiet. Bdubs being interested in something would only be more pain. "What about your parents? Were they some big names in the navy?"

Grian shook his head, remaining silent and the knife broke through his skin once more, going deeper than before. While Bdubs had been quick with his cuts before he took his time now, slowly dragging the knife along in a curvy line. Bdubs other hand was also back at his back, fingernails digging into one of his open cuts. "Tell me what you know."

Grian wanted to resist, he really did, but he was tired and his back felt like it was on fire. And what good was resisting anyways? He was about to die in a few days. His information would be useless to Bdubs and not worth being in pain over it. The voice in his head telling him to hold on was getting smaller and smaller. Resistance wouldn't help him. There was no hope left.

"I don't know my mother... But my father was a pirate. The navy tried to keep me a secret for whatever reason”, he finally replied, his voice sounding empty, even to his own ears.

The knife finally left his back and a hand was back, tracing the lines on his back. He could hear the smirk in Bdubs’ voice. "See. That wasn't so hard. Now. Do you know by any chance who your father was?"

Grian shook his head, his whole body tensing, expecting another wave of pain to hit him for being unable to answer. The pain didn't come. Bdubs bent forward, his lips close to Grian's ear, making shushing noises, while gently caressing his back.

"Shhh. It's alright, pet. You did well. I'm proud of you."

And while he had held back during the torture and through all the pain, tears were now running down his face. He suddenly felt dirty and so weak. The hand on his back moved lower to the freshly made cuts, tracing them carefully.

"My name does look really pretty on you, my little pet."

[dalekofchaos]

Undertaker’s Streak never should have been broken

Nearly 7 years later and I still think it was dumb to end the streak. I even think it was dumber to let that steroided freak of a part timer be the one to do it. It did not help or elevate anyone. It ended one of the few things I had to watch on Wrestlemania every year. 

The Streak was special, sacred, a spectacle and important. 

It was stupid. Brock Lesnar did not need it. He’s Brock fucking Lesnar, the Beast Incarnate. There was absolutely NOTHING he needed to build up. All he needed was to look good trying to end The Streak.

Someone like CM Punk or Bray Wyatt, yes I agree they would’ve been better, but considering how both men were treated by WWE, do you think it would’ve done anything for them when it’s all said and done?

You killed the golden goose. You killed the one reason why old school fans like me actually fucking gave a fucking damn year after year after shitty storyline after shitty storyline. I was done with WWE after the Benoit murders due to how they cultivated an environment that allowed Benoit to lose his fucking mind. But I had one bright spot. The Undertaker and his Streak. And you killed it for Brock?

I don’t care if it was Vince or Taker’s call. Letting Lesnar to be the one to do it was fucking stupid. Where in the  hell did anyone involved with this stupid decision think this was a remotely good idea? You would have thought that if going into it you knew that this special thing was going to come to an end, this special thing that so many wrestling fans like myself and so many more held near and dear and sacred to their hearts, you would go out of your way to make this feel like something truly transcended, something truly iconic, something that truly would stand the test of time. But instead what you decide to do was drop The Streak after TWO DECADES of fucking investment to a guy who's a part-timer that advertises a sandwich shop on his short pants and his matches. Bad build up in a bad match and a bad decision as it happened. It's one, it's two and it's three! It was surreal not only because the streak was over and the realization the truth smacked us across the face like a ton of bricks, but it's over like after two decades and THIS is how it ends after over two decades after so many memorable moments and so many memorable matches and so many times where you feel it was this close ti veubg vrijeb abd then somehow someway it wasn't. This is how it's decided that it's gonna end? This is gonna be the nightcap to over two decades of fucking legend? Over two decades of awesome? Over two decades of accomplishment? Over two decades of something that will never ever be touched again by anything in the WWE or professional wrestling as a whole? This unfullfilling, unsatisfying completely idiotic piece of shit is what we got instead and to me the truth of the matter is it will always feel like it was a great big slap in the fucking face. It's like after all this time, Vince laughed and was like "eh, fuck you fans, who needs you, this is how we're gonna do it" and this is dumb on so many different levels. Of all people, Taker decided he wanted to drop his streak to Brock fucking Lesnar...why? Let's evaluate this for a second. This is the same Brock less near the heading into Wrestlemania XXX was 1-2 and from a logic standpoint this sure as shit doesn't make any sense at Wrestlemania. Need I remind everybody that this is the same Brock Lesnar that just one year earlier couldn't beat Triple H at Wrestlemania 29. The SAME Triple H, OH THAT BY THE WAY The Undertaker beaten him in back to back years at Wrestlemania!Including what was a glorified two-on-one handicap match the end of an era Hell In A Cell Match where Shawn Michaels was a special guest referee and not to mention he beat him in 2001 at Wrestlemania 17. So Brock Lesnar, a guy with a career losing record at Wrestlemania, the guy that couldn't beat Triple H, another part-time wrestler at Wrestlemania 29, is now able to beat The Undertaker who was 21-0 at Wrestlemania and had beaten Triple H THREE TIMES at the biggest even of the year...THREE FUCKING TIMES! And Lesnar couldn't do it once.... 7 years fucking later and it didn't do shit for Lesnar or shit for WWE in general. Need I remind you WWE gave it to someone who left the WWE high and motherfucking dry after Wrestlemania 20. Do we all forget how much time and energy and investment the WWE put behind Brock Lesnar in his first two years on the main roster in the WWE for all the people who still defend this bullshit decision, these are all the same idiots who pissed and moaned about Cena and Roman. DING DONG DUMB DICKS. Do you not realize if Brock Lesnar didn't leave the company high and dry after Wrestlemania 20, they wouldn't have had to sit there and build up John Cena and later Roman Reigns to the point where they had to play it safe with them so they wouldn't be big enough to leave?? At least Cena stayed until he felt his time was over. Roman is awesome and his status is well deserved. Brock did not deserve it. It was dumb 7 years ago and it's still incredibly dumb and stupid. Of all the people in the Streak who could've beaten it, you're telling me Brock Lesnar is greater than CM Punk, Batista, HHH or Shawn Michaels. I would've accepted John Cena or Roman Reigns and it actually would've fucking meant something. Brock was never around much, he's made it pretty fucking clear he doesn't care about WWE, the fans or wrestling in general, all he cares about is fucking money. You wasted two decades of build up for this part-timer and waste of fucking money and again, it was not worth it and incredibly stupid. You could've given it to CM Punk and he would've stayed. You could've had HHH win at at the end of an era match and it still would've meant something. At least with HHH being involved in the day to day operations of the WWE, imagine how much more it would mean if HHH had actually been the one to end the Strak at Wrestlemania 28 end of an era match and then he turns around and loses to Daniel Bryan at Wrestlemania 30 But no, you gave it to someone who didn't give a flying shit about the fans or professional wrestling. 7 years later and this decision was still fucking dumb. You can say whatever you want about Cena and trust me I was not a fan and I would've been just as mad 7 years ago if he was the one to end the streak because of what it represented to me as a wrestling fan, at least I would've known that he would have respected it, he would have appreciated it, he would have understood it and you actually would have gotten more long-term return on that very very long-term inveestment that you made as the WWE into that Undertaker character into the freaking streak! And what did it end up doing? Really at the end of the day what was the point of this? I mean if you really think about it, here's some things that have just really stand out to me. The fact that it was The Undertaker's call doesn't make it the right call. 7 years later I don't believe it was the right decision. Even those people that we respect the most sometimes make the dumbest decisions possible. This was dumb, it's just one of these things, well it was a great, shocking and surprising moment in Wrestlemania, well I bet it fucking was and the reason nobody saw it coming was because of a bad build up, a bad match in a dumb booking decision. It was a bad post-match reaction to it. It created a terrible Wrestlemania moment and some very detrimental dire bad consequences to the night to think about it. Instead of talking about Daniel Bryan's victory, they would be talking about Undertakjer's streak being broken and the shock and awe. Shock and surprise is not always good. You could take a shit or yank out your privates in the ring and I promise you tons of fans in that arena would be thinking what the fuck just happened? That's pretty much what happened. Who did this benefit? NO ONE! Did the fans want this? NO ONE FUCKING WANTED IT! Did it benefit the WWE? ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT! The decision to end the streak was incredibily selfish. This was something a lot of fans were incredibily emotionally invested in. This was the only thing that kept me interested in WWE and Vince just had to ruin it. Vince just had to go with his old "eat shit and like the taste of it mentality" and shove this fucking part timer down our fucking throats for the next 6 fucking years. Choosing to end The Streak was selfish, incredibily selfish and incredibily stupid. I don't care if Undertaker wanted it to be over, The Streak still mattered. Why not preserve your legacy with the streak intact? Let's look at your career after the streak. Bad matches and you still come back every year. Taker was very loyal to Vince and the WWE, so why the fuck would you choose to let the asshole who left WWE 10 years ago when they clearly needed a star for the tremendous honor of breaking your legendary undefeated streak? You could've chosen a young guy who needed and deserved the honor to enhance his career. If The Undertaker doesn't care about his Streak, Legacy or career, then why should we? Why the fuck should I? 20 years and it was for nothing. Taker might be at peace with it, but I never will be. 7 Years and I am still pissed. It was incredibily selfish for Taker, Vince and the WWE to sit there and decide at Wrestlemania 30 to end it when it should have been all about Daniel Bryan and it should have been all about him overcoming the odds and obstacles. It ultimately became about The Undertaker  and his Streak ending. I will always believe the decision was a dumb one and I will never accept it.

Undertaker never should have lost. As Arn Anderson said “He should still be sitting here unbeaten. It's as special as anything has ever been, it's more special than anybody that won a world title. It's one of those things that comes along every so often and the character fits the angle. Leaving him undefeated would've been perfect. Let him walk away, let him retire, let him get put in the hall of fame all in one year and let that record, whether it would be 30-0, that's something monumental.”

And yes, I do believe Undertaker should have been undefeated with 30-0 and retire with the Streak in tact. After defeating Brock, these are potential Streak victims I could foresee

Wrestlemania 31:Sting(JUST THINK ABOUT IT. Undertaker returns after Wrestlemania XXX, no Bray Wyatt and we’re on the road to Wrestlemania, before he could even make his announcement. All of a sudden everything goes black. And we hear this  “When a man's heart is full of deceit... It burns up, dies... And a dark shadow falls over his soul... From the ashes of a once great man, has risen a curse...A wrong that must be righted... We look to the skies for a vindicator, someone to strike fear into the black hearts of the same man who created him... The battle between good, and evil has begun... Against an army of shadows, lies a dark warrior...The prevailer of good... With a voice of silence... And a mission of justice... This is Sting.” Sting’s classic Crow theme plays and as he makes his entrance to the ring. The stare off happens. Sting aims his bat at Taker and challenges him to Wrestlemania. Undertaker’s eyes goes white and gives him the throat cross. Sting vs Undertaker at Wrestlemania 31. Sting makes his debut in a way he should have appeared in WWE challenging The Undertaker at Wrestlemania. The Pheonom vs The Icon. WWE’s legend vs WCW’s legend. Perfect.)

Wrestlemania 32:Braun Strowman

Wrestlemania 33:Roman Reigns

Wrestlemania 34:Kurt Angle(Ronda would be facing Stephanie in a singles match instead, so we get the match we should have gotten at Wrestlemania 22)

Wrestlemania 35:Elias

Wrestlemania 36:AJ Styles

Wrestlemania 37:Aleister Black

Wrestlemania 38:The Fiend

The night prior, Undertaker is inducted into the WWE Hall Of Fame. At Wrestlemania, Undertaker beats The Fiend and becomes 30-0. The night after he announces his retirement and a tribute show for The Undertaker goes off. The perfect send off for The Undertaker.

[rainbowgoddd99]

♡︎Even at any moment You are always the sh*t ♥︎

Read it over and over every minute as much as you need just keep going you can it’s okay if you think you can’t you can you can you can you CAN!!!! Take it easy one by one you definitely can. If you can’t focus on your own life then try to make another’s bright even if it’s just one word you can you can be that light until you find your own. You are strong you matter.

1. We would miss you.

2. It’s not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you.

3. It does get better. Believe it or not it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow.

4. There’s so much you would miss out on doing.

5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there.

6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself.

7. You ARE worth it. Don’t let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise.

8. You are amazing.

9. A time will come, once you’ve battled the toughest times of your life and are in ease once again, where you will be so glad that you decided to keep on living. You will emerge stronger from this all, and won’t regret your choice to carry on with life. Because things always get better.

10. What about all the things you’ve always wanted to do? What about the things you’ve planned, but never got around to doing? You can’t do them when you’re dead.

11. I love you. Even if only one person loves you, that’s still a reason to stay alive.

12. You won’t be able to listen to music if you die.

13. Killing yourself is never worth it. You’ll hurt both yourself and all the people you care about.

14. There are so many people that would miss you, including me.

15. You’re preventing a future generation, YOUR KIDS, from even being born.

16. How do you think your family would feel? Would it improve their lives if you died?

17. You’re gorgeous, amazing, and to someone you are perfect.

18. Think about your favourite music artist, you’ll never hear their voice again...

19. You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day

20. Listening to incredibly loud music

21. Being alive is just really good.

22. Not being alive is really bad.

23. Finding your soulmate.

24. Red pandas

25. Going to diners at three in the morning.

26. Really soft pillows.

27. Eating pizza in New York City.

28. Proving people wrong with your success.

29. Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life.

30. Seeing someone trip over a garbage can.

31. Being able to help other people.

32. Bonfires.

33. Sitting on rooftops.

34. Seeing every single country in the world.

35. Going on roadtrips.

36. You might win the lottery someday.

37. Listening to music on a record player.

38. Going to the top of the Eiffel Tower.

39. Taking really cool pictures.

40. Literally meeting thousands of new people.

41. Hearing crazy stories.

42. Telling crazy stories.

43. Eating ice cream on a hot day.

44. More Harry Potter books could come out, you never know.

45. Travelling to another planet someday.

46. Having an underwater house.

47. Randomly running into your hero on the street.

48. Having your own room at a fancy hotel.

49. Trampolines.

50. Think about your favourite movie, you’ll never watch it again.

51. Think about the feeling of laughing out loud in a public place because your best friend has just sent you an inside joke,

52. Your survival will make the world better, even if it’s for just one person or 20 or 100 or more.

53. People do care.

54. Treehouses

55. Hanging out with your soul mate in a treehouse

55. Snorting when you laugh and not caring who sees

56. I don’t even know you and I love you.

57. I don’t even know you and I care about you.

58. Because nobody is going to be like you ever, so embrace your uniqueness!

59. You won’t be here to experience the first cat world emperor.

60. WHAT ABOUT FOOD?! YOU’LL MISS CHOCOLATE AND ALL THE OTHER NOM THINGS!

61. Starbucks.

62. Hugs.

63. Stargazing.

64. You have a purpose, and it’s up to you to find out what it is.

65. You’ve changed somebody’s life.

66. Now you could change the world.

67. You will meet the person that’s perfect for you.

68. No matter how much or how little, you have your life ahead of you.

69. You have the chance to save somebody’s life.

70. If you end your life, you’re stopping yourself from achieving great things.

71. Making snow angels.

72. Making snowmen.

73. Snowball fights.

74. Life is what you make of it.

75. Everybody has a talent.

76. Laughing until you cry.

77. Having the ability to be sad means you have the ability to be happy.

78. The world would not be the same if you didn’t exist.

79. Its possible to turn frowns, upside down .

80. Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit, and never let them take you alive.

81. Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. Be your own hero.

82. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.

83. One day your smile will be real.

84. Having a really hot, relaxing bath after a stressful day.

85. Lying on grass and laughing at the clouds.

86. Getting completely smashed with your best friends.

87. Eating crazy food.

88. Staying up all night watching your favourite films with a loved one.

89. Sleeping in all day.

90. Creating something you’re proud of.

91. You can look back on yourself 70 years later and being proud you didn’t commit.

92. Being able to meet your Internet friends.

93. Tea / Coffee / Hot Chocolate.

94. The new season of Sherlock.

95. Cuddling under the stars.

96. Being stupid in public because you just can.

97. If you are reading this then you are alive! Is there any more reason to smile?

98. Being able to hug that one person you havent seen in years.

99. People care enough about you and your future to come up with 100 reasons for you not to do this.

100. But, the final and most important one is, just, being able to experience life. Because even if your life doesn’t seem so great right now, literally anything could happen at any moment, make the most out of your life, life seems so long but short, enjoy it, do whatever you want, break a bunch of laws, travel the world, change your style, help others, do things that make you happy. Who gives. FUCK what people say or judge you about just bark at them. Have a good mindset and you’ll be ok. I love you <333333

You got this yeah that seems shallow to say but hell YOU GOT THIS you do look at you I mean you’re amazing it’s okay to not feel it from time to time but you’re important yes the hell you are fuck those voices you are important you are you matter you mean something on this world you exist the world know it you have helped so many so let them help you back now yes pain hurtsss so much it really hurts and it feels like it’s never ending it makes you not have a thing to look forward to but you know what it’s not forever it’s not I know that’s not the best to hear when you are in such pain but you can do this you can do it even if you can’t see light pretend there is one if you can’t then just laugh an laugh an laugh because one day that laugh will be real and you’ll look back an just amazing wonder just how you did it and that’s because you’re strong you are also remember these thing you are valid you are you matter and you are godam awesome you learn with everything it makes you stronger it molds you so when you find your destiny you’ll be really it just sucks with uncertainty there’s so many versions of you and each is amazing each can do this each an every one you will definitely see light again it’s coming just taking time on your path because it’s so amazed by the greatness it’s seeing and soon you’ll see just want it did you got a life you really do you got one dangg you do! It’s amazing it really is it can be tiring definitely it wears you down just know you won’t be tired forever

You will look up one day and breath and that air will be so clear

You will see just what life really is and that’s

Wonderful

Full of different experience

There’s pain

There’s regret

But there’s discovering new things

Obsessing over dumb things

Life is not horrible it’s not amazing either at then end of the day life is life it’s random an definitely unexplainable but it’s for you an only you emotions will get to you but some things need you to some things you’re there destiny and you yourself have a great destiny you got this I mean it I know you do now cry scream get mad regret do it all!!!!!!!! But know you really do got this you are strong and you YOU CAN LIVEEEE!!!!!!

Not today not tomorrow either not ever okay

You got this you have so many rolls left

You can smile

Fuck it lol if any one ever is over it just say fuck it

I made this for people that in every bodies eyes is amazing and make them feel better and people suffering with mental issues I made this for people who don’t go out enough that they are losing vitamins in there body and are causing physical damage to there body because you can’t get up in time to do normal things like pee I want you to know I know it’s not a joke I know it hurts and I know half of you suffer alone or try to do masking techniques you have been taught. Others are out there and sure there are some that try to understand and relate and that’s very nice that they try but I get that in them doing that it makes you feel more and more bad they mean no harm tho remember that they aren’t you so they have no clue what they do. There is some there just like you it’s true. You just have to find them.

It's your life fuck anyone who tries to have a say in it you all are your own main mother freaking character you all are.

[theartofbeinganeldar]

The Art of Being an Eldar: Legolas x Reader Chapter 4

Summary: After discovering that you were stuck in the fantasy world you had no recollection of, your memory was jogged after weeks of depression: this land was Middle-Earth. A council of wizards and Elves was summoned, and Thranduil expressed his wishes of wanting you gone. Elrond agreed to take you in and Gandalf was excited to share in his adventures with someone who knew nothing of the world, quite like a Hobbit, but you wanted to stay in Mirkwood, with Legolas and Tauriel, of which you'd made friends with. Legolas leaves in three days to locate the orcs who enroach upon Mirkwood's northern flank, and the council sees this as a chance for you to prove your worth. If you fail, you are to leave Mirkwood...

Chapter No.: Chapter 4

Key: [Y/N]=Your Name [F/N]= Friend's Name [B/N]= Bro's Name [S/N]= Sis's Name [M/N]= Mom's Name [e/c]= eye color [h/c]= hair color [s/c]= skin color

Notes: I want to thank all my readers for their feedback, likes, and reblogs! I'm only on Chapter 4 and all of you combined have made me feel really good about my writing. I've gotta admit, I was a little scared of going through with this multi-chapter fic at first, because while a few people really liked and enjoyed my stories on DeviantArt, they never got the reception The Art of Being an Eldar has. I just thought my writing sucked for the most part. Thank you all so much!

Warnings: Fluff, angst, graphic depictions of gore and violence (Cuz of orc battles y'know?), more angst, slow burn, some light depression in the first few chapters, some amnesia about Middle-Earth because the Valar say you're not supposed to have foresight, hard-core language, feels, lots and lots of feels, mentions of NSFW content, maybe some eventual NSFW content, LGTBQ+ characters, Thranduil being a jackass at first because he's fabulous, Legolas being a hot edgy prince that nobody can handle, Kili being an innocent bean, Hobbits being smol innocent beans, except for Bilbo 'cause he's been through some tough shit, Bard being dad of the year, Thorin being one dumbass boi, The fucking Silmarillion, awesome dragons, awesome Nazgul, awesome scenery, awesome stuff in general, Elrond isn't listened to by anybody, confused Aragorn is confused,  Denethor's a bitch as always, brace yourself for creepy as fuck Cream of Wormtongue Grima Wormtongue, Boromir lives, Gandalf. (yes these are all legit warnings don't judge me.)

Pairings/Ships: Legolas x Reader, Legolas x you, Aragorn x Arwen, Faramir x Eowyn, Thranduil x Elvenqueen, Galadriel x Celery Celeborn, Boromir x OC, Thorin x OC, Fili x OC, etc. general LoTR standard shippings plus some of my own cuz I can't stand my boys being lonely

Word Count: I try to keep my chapters short, under 2000 words. Rating: Teen (14+) for now

"You what?"

Apparently Leggy didn't comprehend the concept of being accompanied by a suddenly Elvish human from another dimension.

With a sigh and a roll of your eyes, you repeated, "I said, I'm coming with you when you leave for your orc-hunting mission."

Legolas narrowed his eyes. "And who gave you permission to do this?"

"The council, that's who. So suck it up buttercup, I'm coming with your sorry ass."

Legolas rolled his eyes. "Very well. Tell me, aside from randomly swinging a sword, do you know anything about weaponry?"

You raised an eyebrow. Shit, you'd have to fight? "No, but I can say a mouthful of greetings in Elvish."

Legolas raised an eyebrow. "Nin ista, Sairen, but words are not mightier than fighting skill in battle."

You scoffed. "I can think of a pretty famous phrase from my world that totally contradicts that..."

Legolas shook his head as he sauntered past you, down the stairs of the bridge you'd found him on. The sounds of his bows and knife sheaths clanking together as he walked relaxed you. "Of course you do, mellon." He paused to look at you. "Are you not coming? We leave in three days. If you are intent on coming with me, surely you cannot believe I will let you go without even so much as learning the proper way to stab an opponent?"

You made a face, but followed him anyway. "I know how to stab."

"How, then?" He gestured to you pointedly and crossed his arms.

"Um..." You mimed the gesture you'd probably use while stabbing an orc in the guts. "Like... This? With a twist?"

"That may work if your enemy has the weak skin and flesh of a human, or even on an Elf," He pointed out, "But we are fighting orcs, Sairen. Their hide is as thick as that of a boar, and their flesh is equally so." With a flourish, he flipped out one of his long knives. He paused in handing it to you. "I am not letting you keep this, mellon. My mother gave them to me."

You froze in reaching for the weapon. "You have a mother?"

Legolas chuckled at your wide-eyed expression. "You thought I did not?"

You stiffened before hurriedly turning away. "No! Of course not! Why would you think that?!"

Legolas laughed as he followed you. "Well, I do have one. She has been away on the other end of the palace-city. I should introduce you to her."

"Is she as fabulous as your dad?" You ran the tip of your index finger along your eyebrows. "And maybe even with the same super dark eyebrows?"

Legolas smiled. "No, no. She is perfectly beautiful."

"So you're saying your dad's not?"

"What?"

"Nothing." You waved a hand. "Where's the training grounds again?"

Legolas grinned evilly. "Well, your training begins now, Sairen. See if you can actually get to said training grounds without killing yourself on that blade."

Your jaw fell. "Are you fucking kidding me?! That's child's play! Don't you think I already know how to not do that?!"

"That is a double negative sentence, but no, I do not believe you already know this skill." Blue-Eyes shot you another grin. "Besides, we are not taking the average path to the training grounds. They are outside of the palace, after all. We will go out and around, on the hardest path imaginable. For a human, they would be entirely impassable."

You stared up at him dumbly. "Uh... Do... Do you even realize I spent the last nineteen years of my life around people with the mindset of shit water I might die because I'm a-- I was a-- human? Also, I was never agile. I won't be able to make it over a log, if it's big enough."

Blue-Eyes gave you a disapproving look. "Do the humans of your world never traverse nature?"

You pretended to think about that

"Hm... Let me see... Uhm... Yeah, nope, pretty much never, unless you're one of those super outdoorsey kinds of people, and the true ones of those are rare. For instance, most usually wear really tight clothes and walk through parks with stone paths and everything primped to perfect condition so that nobody even gets grazed by a dandelion, and everything's sprayed to keep the bugs away and animals are limited to squirrels and bunnies, then they wanna act like they just walked the fuckin' Sahara Desert without water. Real outdoor people are rare. Steve Irwin? Real. Bear Grylls? Real. Josh Gates? Real. Hell, when I was a very tiny little girl I used to watch a kid's show with two brothers who pretty much lived in the jungle. But out of everybody, those are the ones I can think of right off the top of my head. Them, and the few tribal races still out there."

Blue-Eyes made a surprised face. "Well... I am glad you got a chance to experience what real life is like."

"Thank you, Blue-Eyes." You'd reached the front gates of the palace, which were opened by a couple of those ninja Elf guys. You and Legolas walked on through, and into the forest, with its pink and amber leaves, down here, nullified into black and gray, piling up in the muck of the forest floor.

You'd been surprised when you'd seen this part of Mirkwood. Apparently, only the northern half was unaffected, but the rest of the once-spectacular Greenwood the Great was now victim to a strange plague, orc attacks from the north, and giant spider infestations from the south, from an ancient ruin called Dol Goldur. Animals no longer lived here, the rivers had mostly gone thick with filth, and the trees rotted and groaned in agony. The forest would confuse you, threaten to swallow you up and make you lose your way...

If you weren't an Elf.

Luckily for you and ol' Leggy, the two of you were Elves, and he had been raised here. If you stuck close to him, you'd be fine, even if the forest did manage to confuse you. He could hardly remember a time when the slow-acting plague hadn't been part of some region of the forest, and Tauriel had told you that he was 2, 371 years old. That was a long time for a forest to be sick.

"What even caused Mirkwood to get sick? Do you even know?"

"It is a nameless malice," Blue-Eyes replied, stopping all show-offy on a thick, low-hanging bough that precariously hung over a small gorge. "The darkness stems from Dol Goldur. Now, there are rumors; rumors of a necromancer, who resides in the ruins of that ancient fort."

"Necromancer?" That hardly sounded good. In anything where it was used, necromancer usually meant one who raises dead. "That doesn't sound good. Have you investigated it?"

"Of course not," Blue-Eyes gave you an odd look, like you'd just suggested he drink out of the toilet or something. You struggled to get up the side of a log he'd just casually hopped onto. "Why should we? They are merely rumors, and the forest has been sick for a long, long while. Still... This darkness unsettles me, as it does to all Sindar whom reside here."

"Dude, then maybe you should check the fuckin ruins," You mumbled, but he ignored you and continued hopping around from flowertop to flowertop. You just trampled noisily and clumsily along behind him. "Don't you guys like, live for light? So shouldn't you see if the ruins really do have a necromancer now? Especially since this dark ooze comes from it?"

Blue-Eyes shook his head. "King Thranduil does not wish for time to be wasted on rumors when we have other matters to deal with."

"Oh, so you mean he's too busy having everybody vote on which crown of berries goes best with his eyebrows."

"What?"

"Nothing. You Elves are just stupid."

Legolas grinned. "Well, humans are equally intellectually challenged."

You paused in chasing after him, stunned. He turned to face you when he didn’t hear you following. "Did you seriously just do that?"

"Do what?"

"You literally just used big words to sound smart." You laughed theatrically. "Oh! Pardon me, fine companion, I meant to implicate that you utilize gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence."

He smiled slightly as you finally made it up beside him. "I suppose you are not so daft," He relented teasingly, "Otherwise you would not even have those words in your vocabulary."

You made a face and rolled your eyes. "Whatever, blondie."

The training grounds were closer than you remembered, even taking the roundabout route. Along the way, though, you'd fallen into a bog, got your face scratched up by evil tree branches, and tumbled head-over-heels down a steep ravine, getting battered and bruised all over your body.

Apparently Middle-Earth-- Mirkwood specifically-- was prone to give previously non-Elvish members of other worlds injuries.

You made quite a show; barreling through a thorn bush and landing flat on your face right on the edge of the training grounds. You heard all the Elves turn their weapons on you, in case you were an orc, but then they seen your sorry ass, and Leggy casually coming down the steep ridge as if it was just a flight of stairs.

"Mae govannen," Said Legolas cheerfully to the Elves. Casually, he picked up his knife, which you'd thrown away from you halfway down so you didn't impale yourself at any point during the fall. Still, it'd skittered down alongside you. "Sairen, it seems you've failed this test."

"I dropped it on the goddamn border..."

"Nevertheless," Blue-Eyes ignored your response. "We are here now, and forfeiting other forms of training for the sake of redoing one failed task is pointless. You will learn as much as you can here, until I say we stop."

You finally moved, trying to at least sit up on your elbows. "It's only noon. We've got till nightfall, yeah? I can do that. No problem."

Legolas grinned down at you. "Mellon, you are of the Eldar now. You are stronger than before and do not need sleep unless you wish to dream."

"I don't what?!"

"Elves do not sleep unless we have been injured and need to heal," He replied, and grabbed you by the underarms to help you up. "We are stronger and more resilient than the race of Men. You are no longer imprisoned by the necessities of the human body."

Instant headrush slammed into you. "Apparently not all human body shit..."

He raised an eyebrow. "What do you speak of?"

"Headrush, dammit."

"Oh," He grew amused. "Do you mean the Blackness? Unfortunately, that befalls us all."

You glared daggers at him.

Another Elf approached, with a slender face and long brown hair. "My lord, most of the training grounds are taken up. You may yet have mine, if you wish so."

Legolas smiled. "Ah, my thanks. [Y/N], this is one of the Elves that accompanied Lord Elrond here, Lindir."

You extended your hand. "Nice to meet you."

Both Blue-Eyes and Lindir looked at your hand in confusion. Lindir, with a glance to Legolas, slowly tried to hand you his bow. With a roll of your eyes and a shake of your head, you realized they didn't even understand what a handshake was. "No no no, sorry; that's called a handshake. It's what two people do when they meet each other where I come from. I didn't mean to confuse you. SO." You bowed in the Elvish way. "Mae govannen, Lindir of House Elrond."

Lindir and Blue-Eyes smiled. Lindir returned your bow. "Mae govannen, [Y/N] of House Thranduil."

"Lindir will be accompanying us to trace the orcs, and Erestor of Rivendell," Said Legolas, "As will another of our own house, Elros; I believe you have met him already. He was the Elf who lead you to the councilroom. From Lothlorien is a friend of mine, Haldir, and of course, with the other Elven Lords aiding us, Mithrandir feels he should send his own aid as well..."

Lindir's eyes widened. "Do not tell me..."

Blue-Eyes nodded seriously. "He is sending Naughrim to accompany us."

"Naughrim?" You asked. Of all names, that didn't sound familiar. "Who's that? Somebody not well-liked among Elves?"

Blue-Eyes fought a smile. Lindir answered you. "Mellon, Naughrim is our tongue for dwarves."

Your mouth formed an 'o' in recognition. "Ohhhh, now I get it. Elves and dwarves hate each other for no explainable reason. Got it. Who's he sending?"

Blue-Eyes shook his head in exasperation. "They are all of Erebor. Balin and Dwalin, two are named, and of the other, he is the most insufferable of dwarves; Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror, King Under the Mountain. Mithrandir believes that this will be a good experience for him as it is for us, but he refuses to come himself. He's all but forcing the situation."

You looked from Blue-Eyes to Lindir and back. "How can he force you? Dwarves and Elves are both stubborn beyond all reason, and none of you seem to take him seriously."

Legolas shook his head and pursed his lips. "Unfortunately, Dwalin is as good a tracker as any, and Ada  is not permitting many of the Sindar on this journey for the reason that we are merely meant to find where the yrch dwell, and go no further. We will need all the aide we can find, even if it is in the form of unwilling dwarves. As for them, he has promised treasure, the details of which I know not; I can only hope it is not any of ours he has promised them." He smiled at you. "Shall we?"

Before you could follow, he walked off; you glanced to Lindir questioningly. "...Ada? Who's that?"

Lindir smiled softly. "It means father. He is referring to King Thranduil."

"Oh. Now I feel stupid."

"Do not, mellon, for the language of the Elves is not easily learned unless you were born speaking the tongue."

With a roll of your shoulders, which ached, you followed Leggy.

***

"Ow, goddamn it, and goddamn you, you stupidly perfect Elf."

At the end of the day, you'd been cut, pricked, whipped by a bowstring, nicked, dinged, and all kinds of other small injuries that added up to one big mess of drying blood and bruises.

Blue-Eyes had had you train deep into the night, until the silvery waning moon had all but left the star-filled sky. Now, as the sunrise approached, you both sat on two convenient boulders, and he bandaged your bloodied hands. In the eerie half-dawn light, he looked ethereal, and his pale hands and silver tunic sleeves compared to your now dark-with-blood-and-mud-and-bruises hands and black sleeves was a huge contrast. Your hands shook slightly, aching and stinging and pained on various sorts of levels, while his were perfectly steady as he wrapped them in soft green leaves.

"Stop shaking, mellon," Legolas told you gently.

"What was that?" Your head snapped up. "Are you feeling sorry for me? Don't feel sorry for me! This is nothing! I've been shot in the calf by an orcish arr--OW!"

The leaves had drawn too tight and released some kind of juice that stung like hell. His hands hovered over yours. "My apologies, but it draws out the infection."

"What infection?!"

"You are not yet used to your Elven body yet," Blue-Eyes replied, looking into your eyes. "Since you are the equivalent of a newborn, I would say you are very susceptible to infections, sickness, and injuries."

You looked off dramatically into the distance. "That explains why I can't stop fucking getting hurt..."

"That it does," He smiled at you, and something pulsed in your chest. Da fuck... You fought a flush. He stood, then held out his hand to you. "Shall we return to the palace? You may rest until sunhigh, and then we will continue your training." You took his hand, and he helped you up; you stumbled into his chest, and backed up quickly. He took no notice, but patted your shoulder before going to retrieve his bow and quiver. "You did well today, Sairen, even if you frightened off half of the other Sindar and Silvan training here."

You made a face. "Pfft. They just can't handle my awesomeness."

"If you say so, mellon," He said, and started to take the easy way back, to your relief. You followed closely behind him.

You looked up at the stars as you walked in silence for awhile, until finally, you broke it. Of course, you broke anything, really... "Where I come from, they say there's a star for every soul that's passed away."

Legolas glanced to you, then followed your gaze wistfully. "That is something our two worlds have in common."

"Scientifically," You added, "They're spheres of hot air and gaseous materials wound up tight by gravity that glow and put off heat, but the idea always felt nice to me... But where I come from... You also can't see the stars."

Blue-Eyes halted in his tracks as if you'd just said someone murdered his mother. "I... What? You can't see the stars?!" He actually looked genuinely horrified by that idea.

You shook your head. "No. Humans... They've polluted the atmosphere too much. Filled it with trash, and man-made lights and even remnants of smoke... You can't see them."

He watched you even as you watched the stars. "I've never seen them like this... They're beautiful." You could see bands of galaxies and clouds of distant nebulae, and the small silver fires glittered in the billions, even as the pink-orange glow of the beginning of dawn was starting to show in the east. You were in awe.

You jumped when Legolas took your hand. "What?"

He smiled at you. "Come with me. I will show you one of the best stargazing places in all of Mirkwood."

"Thranduil's pavilion?"

"Better."

"Whoa. Dude, count me in."

He lead you off of the trail, deep into the woods, through the easiest ways that probably were a pain for him, but he did it anyway. Finally, you stopped at the base of a massive tree, stretching so far up you couldn't see its top. Its trunk was pockmarked with holes and vines, and after slinging his bow onto his back, he threw you a smile over his smile. "Come, Sairen."

You couldn't help but smile back. You climbed, quickly, all the way up, past the canopy, into the uppermost branches of the tree, where the copper-gold leaves thinned out to allow for one thick branch to get a view of the night sky. The branch was thick enough across to allow for two or three people to sit side-by-side against the trunk, and Blue-Eyes sat quickly as he helped you up.

Here, no branches obscured any part of your field of view. You got a perfect view of the sunrise, and the starry sky. "Holy shit..."

You felt him put an arm around you, and you stiffened, just before he breathed in your ear, "I will not let you fall from this tree, Sairen. You've only just arrived in this world, and should another portal be below that is activated by a beautiful sunrise, I am loathe to let you go, for there is so much I want to show you..." The sun burst over the distant mountains beyond Erebor, sending fiery orange and red across the sky. "Such as this. Your world does not sound as if it could have any sunrise as wonderful as this one."

A warm feeling blossomed in your chest as you watched the sunrise, jaw slack. "No... Not like this."

Legolas smiled, and finally turned his focus to it himself. Your eyes slowly dragged off of the beautiful scenery to look at the Elf beside you, and the warm feeling worsened; your heart started fluttering. Eldar only fall in love once... Galadriel had warned you.

...Shit.

A blush crawled up your face, and you tried your hardest to focus on the sky rather than the Elvish princeling pressed close against your side.

***

"Mae govannen, [Y/N] of the Woodland Realm," Greeted Lindir kindly as you approached the group of Elves gathering in front of the front gates.

"Mae govannen, Lindir of Rivendell," You replied with a smile. The Elvish greetings rolled off your tongue easily now. After the sunrise you and Blue-Eyes had watched together, you'd spent the last two days training at obscene hours and resting. Now, finally, the group of Elves leaving to track the orcs were gathering-- there were only about fifty in total, of which there were those wearing Woodland garments, the red-and-gold of Lothlorien, and the greens, purples, and browns of Rivendell. Apparently Galadriel, Celeborn, and Elrond didn't agree with Thranduil sending what would've only been a dozen to track some very dangerous orcs.

You heard several of them muttering to each other about Naughrim, something all of them had in common.

You swung your light traveling pack off of your shoulders and by your feet, scanning the crowd for a certain platinum-blonde head-- unfortunately, most of the Elves from Lothlorien had blonde hair. You looked at Lindir. "Where's Legolas?"

Lindir glanced around. "He is on his way, I am sure. After all, it is he and Haldir whom are leading this journey."

You nodded. "I've never packed for something like this before... I hope I didn't pack anything weird or forget something."

Lindir looked confused, then recognition flashed across his face. "Oh. Forgive me, I had forgotten you do not have this experience. Tell me, what did you pack?"

You shifted your weight nervously, and lowered your voice. "Uhh... Two extra pairs of clothes in case these get ruined, some extra food, even though I've noticed I don't have to eat as much as before, and some water. Then there's these," You gestured to your back, where a quiver and longbow hung from your back. You felt its weight all too strongly, and that of the sword on your hip and the knives on your thighs. "And some of those special leaves that're used for bandages."

Lindir smiled and placed a hand on your shoulder. "Mellon, you have packed what we all have, and lightly, as well."

You smiled. "Thanks. Just consider yourself lucky that I don't know how to read Elvish, or I would've packed a book or two to keep me company."

Lindir chuckled and stepped back. "Well, for now, I am glad of it. On this journey you will learn much, hopefully, and by the time we return, you may be able to speak more of Elvish. It is harder to learn to read it, I have heard, much harder."

You ran a finger over your chin in thought. "I wonder if Thranduil would let me go to Dale or Laketown to get some books in English..."

"Forgive me," Lindir looked confused. "I do not know what that is."

You realized what you'd said a second too late. "Oh! Sorry. Where I come from, Common is just referred to as English."

"Oh, I see now. I am sure he would, and if he does not yet, then perhaps one of the Woodland Elves could bring some back for you. What of Legolas? Are you not friends?"

You blushed. "Yeah, I hope so. I've never been very good at making friends, though. Nobody's ever really liked me." You realized Lindir was staring at you with an absolutely terrified expression. Your own eyes widened in alarm, and you frantically patted your face. "What?! Is there something on my face?!"

Lindir shook his head. "I-I am not sure. Your skin has suddenly gone red, as if burned. Are you ill?"

"Uhhh..."

You were spared the embarrassment of explaining blushing by all the Elves gathered suddenly gasping and bowing in the direction of the stairs. Lindir saw the cause before you did, and his jaw fell. "By all the Valar..." He bowed deeply, and you followed his motion, but not before catching a glimpse of who it was. Thranduil, of course, and Legolas, following a she-Elf in a tunic that looked as if it were made of starlight itself, with flowing white hair and alabaster skin.

"Ui!" Shouted Thranduil irritably. "Ni telima lume, autauva!"

You leaned closer to Lindir. "What did he say?"

"He is forbidding her to join us," He answered quickly.

The she-Elf whipped around, generating a power almost as strong as Galadriel's. Legolas stepped forward. "Amal... Mecin."

She shook her head. "Yon, venno, nin carindo ier nin indo. Alye uva pusta ni."

"What did she say about pasta?" You whispered.

"Sh!" Lindir said quickly.

The woman looked at Thranduil and Legolas lovingly, before approaching Thranduil and placing both hands on his face. Thranduil closed his eyes in regret, and the woman kissed him; you looked away, embarrassed. That was the Elvenqueen.

That was Legolas's mother.

"Melinyel, Thranduil, alye ista si."

Thranduil sighed. "Melinyel, mela... Mecin ea girthonwed."

With that, Legolas reluctantly took his mother's hand and lead her down the stairs. They disappeared in the crowd, until you heard the Elvenqueen's voice. "Rise, all of you." Unsure, the Elves rose one-by-one. "Which of you hail from far places, whom rescued my son Legolas Greenleaf from the fate of an early death?"

The Eldar glanced to one another, realized it wasn't their neighbor, and slowly, like somebody who'd gotten called out in class, you were being stared at, and a path was made between you and her majesty, while Legolas stood beside her.

You swallowed hard, suddenly terrified. Lindir patted your shoulder. "You have been summoned, mellon. Go, I will make sure your pack does not get swapped with someone else's."

You tried to look and walk confidently, but you were terrified. She was beautiful and indimidating, and you had to admit, you were definitely intimidated. When you reached her, you bowed as deeply and respectfully as you could, a fist over your heart. "Elen sila lumenn omentielvo, your majesty." You didn't know what else to say. What you'd said to Galadriel and Celeborn was the most respectful thing you knew in Elvish, and you'd never been in the presence of royalty.

"You come from another world," She looked down at you indifferently, and you suddenly felt very small and very weak with everybody's eyes on you. This was nothing like Thranduil's fabulously indifferent look. "Yet still, you saved my son's life. After, you make the presumption that you can live and walk among us as one of us, freely, unburdened, merely because you came here by happenstance and you were allowed the reward of living. Do you feel as if this is the correct course of action for you to take?"

You glanced to Legolas, absolutely horrified. "Y-your majesty..." Your hot-headed tongue, a lot more toned down, popped into existence. "I saved your son's life because he didn't deserve to die. I was given the freedom to live, and to repay that, I mean to make the most of my time here by helping in whatever ways that I can. King Thranduil has given me the chance to prove myself worthy of living here by allowing me to join in hunting for the orcs. If I fail, I will leave Mirkwood, and go with Lord Elrond to Rivendell."

Legolas's eyes widened a fraction of an inch, before going back to their normal selves; he looked to you with almost a sadness, but you couldn't figure out why. Elvenqueen smiled, as if proud. "Then you are not what the rumours of your world have made you out to be. You are humble and grateful, qualities I did not expect from one of this Earth. You possess a unique personality, [Y/N]. Tell me, who are your parents, so that I may refer to you properly?"

"I have no father," You said quickly, relieved that she was just trying to scare you. "None I care to speak about. But I do have a mother, who I love very much. Her name is [M/N]."

Elvenqueen smiled. "Very well, [Y/N], child of [M/N]. Here, we, all of us, have a secondary name, such as my son; Legolas Greenleaf. During this journey, you may earn your own."

You smiled back, relieved beyond relief that she'd decided not to kick your ass for existing. "My thanks, your majesty."

She sailed away regally, and Legolas shot you a glare. "Why did you not tell me you would be leaving us?" He demanded.

You balked. "I-I said if I failed..."

"And you are most likely to do so," He snapped, sending your heart and soul plummeting to roughly the center of Middle-Earth. Without another word, he followed his mother.

"Mellon?" Said Lindir from behind. You turned around; He held his bag and yours, which you gratefully took from him.

"Thanks," You said, but your eyes followed Legolas's back as he disappeared into the crowd.

"Is everything alright?"

"Just fine," You shrugged. You were used to being abandoned.

Lindir looked doubtful. "Very well, if you say so. May I introduce you to those you will be most judged by?"

"Sure."

He took you through the crowd, to the guy who helped you find the councilroom. "Ah, [Y/N]. Mae govannen."

You bowed your head and returned the greeting to Elros in a monotone voice. "So your name is Elros?"

"Yes," He replied. "Son of Elrond."

If you were taking a drink of water, you'd've spewed it everywhere. "Huh? But isn't Rivdendell like, waaay over the Misty Mountains?"

Elros chuckled. "Yes, but those of the Eldar cannot always remain in one place. We yearn for far places, and even farther shores. Long years I have spent in the halls of my father, but I left for Mirkwood when my sister, Arwen Evenstar, left for Lothlorien, to spend a time with our mother's mother, Galadriel."

Your eyes were wide. "Galadriel is a grandma?! Your grandma?!"

Lindir and Elros looked at each other in amusement. "Elves," Said Lindir, "Live forever, so long as we are not killed by injury, or the wounds of the heart."

"Wounds of the heart?" You echoed.

"When love remains unrequited, it is sometimes too much to bear," Replied Elros, "And the victim suffers long before dying of a broken heart. Oftentimes, it is when a wife perishes during childbirth, or when war or battle takes the life of a beloved, and their souls pass into the Halls of Mandos. I still worry for my father, even though my mother has long since passed due to child-sickness."

Your eyes widened. "I'm so sorry."

Elros raised a hand. "She is at peace now. She resides in the halls where her mother lives, and many of my kin who have long since passed on."

"Is Elrond gonna be okay?" Now you were worried. You didn't even know the guy (Even though you probably knew him before your amnesia.) but you didn't want him to die of heartbreak. He was being nice to you, and offering you a place to live if Thranduil decided to be more of an ass.

"He is strong," Lindir assured you, and partially Elros. "He is stout of heart and fierce of soul. He will live long yet, that I can assure you with the utmost certainty."

Together, Lindir and Elros took you to where another dark-haired Elf in the Rivendell attire spoke with a Lothlorien Elf in red-and-gold armor. White hair was braided away from his stern face. Elros said something in Elvish, getting their attention, and they both bowed to you. "[Y/N], child of [M/N], may I introduce you to Erestor, Chief Counselman of Elrond, and Haldir of Lothlorien."

"Mae govannen," They both said.

Haldir regarded you warily. "I have heard you come from far lands, one beyond even Arda."

You tried not to look stupid. "Arda?"

"This world upon which we live," Haldir clarified.

"Oh!" Now you knew what they were talking about. "You mean this whole planet? Mine never had a cool name; Earth, that's it, with a bunch of different countries on it. Are there countries besides Middle-Earth here?"

Erestor chuckled. "Yes. There is Beleriand, just the remains of it, to the farthest west. Also in the west lie the Gray Havens, and across the Sea are the Undying Lands of Aman, far from Endor-- that is to say, collectively, Middle-Earth and Beleriand."

"Oh, cool! Where I come from, nowhere has cool names anymore, except for maybe Dubai, Greece, and Rome. In the past, there were hardly ever cool places, except for Egypt and Babylon."

The four Elves around you glanced to each other in amusement, as if you were a child just learning new things; and you pretty much were...

"Haldir," Said a familiar voice, and you perked up as Blue-Eyes stepped through the crowd. Your heart sank as he completely avoided your gaze. Damn, you should be used to this kinda shit by now. One small thing and someone abandons you. "We go to meet the dwarves. You have told your party, yes?"

"Of course, mellon."

"As have I," Added Erestor as Blue-Eyes went to ask. "None of us may like this, but it the word of a Maiar, of which the Noldor still yet revere. Worry not, Legolas."

Blue-Eyes nodded, glanced to you, and walked back through the suddenly-departing crowd as the doors opened. You hefted up your bag further onto your shoulder. "Mmkay, Lindir?" You fell into step with the purple-clad Elf.

"What is it?"

"Questions. Lots of them. What the hell is a Mayan and a No-door?"

Lindir chuckled. "Maiar, and Noldor. The Noldor are the oldest of the Elves. The Maiar are wizards, servants of the Valar; such as Saruman, Mithrandir, and Radagast."

"They met gods?"

"Yes," Said Lindir doubtfully, eyeing you. "Do the people of your world not know of their gods?"

You scoffed dryly. "You kidding me? Almost everybody believes in some bearded guy in white floating through existence and pointing to a random spot, then saying 'Let there be light!' Bam, universe created. Others have much more gruesome stories; like in Norse, Odin and his two brothers cut up a giant to create the world. Then there was Egyptian, where two godly people representing the earth and sky consummated and BAM, universe created again. They all say the gods came from the sky, which others believe to be aliens-- people from other planets entirely-- but I've always been an atheist."

"And what does that mean?"

"That I don't believe a goddamn word of any of that 'god' shit."

"You should not speak of them so, for they hear all."

"Yuck. Let's hope they don't find somebody on their wedding night."

Lindir's eyes bugged out of his head. "That was... Sudden."

You grinned. "I'm like that. Get used to it, Lindy."

He frowned. "My name is Lindir."

"I know that," You laughed. "It's a nickname. It's a sign of friendship."

Lindir smiled. "Oh. Then we are friends, then?"

"Sure! I've never been friends with so many people before!" You looked ahead excitedly, waving when you seen Legolas glaring at you. So what if he was pissed? You'd make him un-pissed.

Lindir gave you a sad look. "But you have only befriended Legolas and myself."

"And Tauriel."

"Still, that is only three people." He looked genuinely confused. "Do the people of your world not believe in friendship either?"

You sighed. "Not really. They're more interested in betrayal. Me, personally, I've had it all. Betrayal, death, abandonment... I've gone through some shitty times, that's for sure. One catastrophe after the next. One painful step at a time through it. I've been through hell and back, been shattered like glass and looked death in the eye, and somehow, I'm still standing. Sometimes it feels like I've lived a thousand lifetimes in only nineteen years." You gave him a sideways smile before looking back ahead of you, trying to block all of the flashbacks...

Lindir regarded you with newfound admiration. "I can... See it, in your eyes. I believe all of us can. The things that you have endured are marked on your stride, and not many could recover from what you have recently gone through so quickly. A human with your strength is... Unheard of."

You laughed. "Yeah, 'cause now I'm an Elf!"

Lindir laughed too then, as did a few other Elves and she-Elves near to you-- as you walked out of the doors of Mirkwood's palace, you got this strange, tingly sensation in your core... The odd feeling of people laughing with you, not at you. The feeling of not being judged. Of people realizing you've been through hell. Of people not automatically striking you onto their enemy list because you're different.

As you moved into the north, the light filtering through the leaves was golden, and everything seemed at once surreal and ethereal. But aside from those two feelings, you felt one stronger than any other. You smiled as you looked around at your new friends in this new world, which still felt so familiar. You were happier than you'd ever been. Even though you'd miss your family, you were glad the portal had been closed.

And there are many paths to tread...

Through shadow, to the edge of night...

Until the stars are all alight...

You passed Blue-Eyes, who'd climbed a tree to scout, and when he seen your awestruck, childlike expression, even he, who was currently pissed at you, couldn't help but smile at down at you. You smiled back. That warm feeling returned.

Finally, I'm where I belong.

I'm...

I’m...home.

Tag List: @tesserphantom​ @thedragonghostofmordor​ @hauntedsiriel​ @reclusive-chicken-nugget​ @naryamirie​ @legolasdeserveslove​ @escapingthoughtsandsecrets​ @sagabriar​ @brushwood-souls​ @taurlel​

If anybody wants to be tagged, just let me know!

Extra Notes: Elvish is SO FUCKING HARD. And yes I put the Elvenqueen in this. And dwarves are inbound. Don't guess the plotline, just DON'T.

Fun Facts: In Old Nordic mythology, there was a forest known as Mirkwood. There was also a dwarf called Durin, who created the line of the most power dwarfs, some of which, just to name a few, were Thorin, Fili, Kili, Dvalin, Balin, Oin, Oakenshield, and Gandalf. There were also many types of Elves-- Ljosalfar were the Light Elves, and Dokkalfar were the Dark Elves. In general, Elves were known as Alfar, and they lived in Alfheimr, "The Land of the Elves." Supposedly, Alfheimr had shining trees of silver and gold, like Lothlorien. Also, there was a dragon called Fafnir, a cursed fire-drake, coppery-red, who laid atop a mound of gold and guarded his wrongfully-taken treasure with his life. The original owner of this treasure was a dwarf, reduced to a husk of his former self, called Andvari, who, out of all of this treasure, loved most a golden ring, inscribed with runes. He cursed this ring, so that all who wore it would soon come into misfortune...

[todragonsart]

Siege The Valentine’s Day 10 - The bet

First things first, I AM SO SORRY for being this late :D I mean, I wanted to post this on the 10th of February, but- life and @thefishychicken​ happened in my life, so I- slipped in my timetable. I’m so sorry for being this late @dualrainbow​. 

But!

It’s better to be late then never, I think :D Thank you so much for @r6shippingdelivery​ for your help as a humble beta yet again! <3

Enjoy!!

Deep breath in- deep breath out.

IQ placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, reassuring him. "Okay, Marius, you are doing great. Let's go through the plan once more, okay?"

Deep breath in- deep breath out.

Jäger nodded, trying to concentrate on the rhythm of his breathing. "Okay-okay. So I-I look for César and when I find him, I give him back the book he lent me earlier. I start to chat with them then I ask him on a Valentine's Date!"

"Yes! Yes, perfect!" IQ started to fairy clap her hand, fully excited.

“Okay, but what do I do if he says no?” Jäger looked at her, palms ridiculously sweaty.

Immediately freezing, IQ bit into her bottom lip. “Well… I don’t think he would, you know? I think if you feel like this, it might be because he let out certain vibes as well!”

“Or that you are just a loser~” sang songed Bandit with a smirk. He didn’t even look up from his book. IQ immediately punched him in the shoulder, causing the man to wince. “Oh my god, Woman! What the fu-”

“You are no help at all! Marius is struggling here!” IQ shook her head.

With an angry grunt, Bandit sit up, placing down his book. “Listen, MamaMonika! Marius is a battle trained soldier, one of the bests of GSG9, one of the most amazing mechanics both of us knows, and his only goal is to ask his fucking crush on a date. I think he is a big boy, he can do it without you mommying him all the time!”

Hearing all this, Jäger’s lips curved upwards into a happy little smile.

IQ hummed, looking back at her teammate. “Well, you are not wrong. Marius, you can do it!”

“I don’t even understand what is your damn problem, the guy is 10 years younger and 10 cms shorter than you, you have the advantage in both!” grinned Bandit again. He picked up his book in an attempt to go back to reading, but looked up one last time. “However, I made a bet with Maxim and Jordan, so I hope you fuck it up!”

IQ planted her face into her hands, because now Jäger’s face started to turn into a grimace.

The woman stepped in front of him, placing her hands on his shoulders. “Look at me, at me! Not at him,” IQ glanced at Bandit, who was still smirking. She looked Jäger in the eyes. “Look at me, Marius. You can do it. You have been wanting him since Christmas and you made a New Year’s Vow to ask him on a date. You like him, and he likes you and even if he doesn’t like you the way you want, he is still mature enough to not poke fun at you. It’s going to be fine, and you can’t even lose anything!”

Jäger looked at her and listening he started to nod slowly. “Yeah.”

“Because you are amazing, funny, kind, smart-"

"Fucking cringy and awkward!" Bandit was a big help, yeah.

"- and fantastic! Don't listen to Dom, he is just jealous."

Bandit snorted at that, and IQ smiled at Jäger. "Are you ready?"

With a deep breath, Jäger lifted Goyo's book. "My palms are sweating, my knees are trembling, my throat is clogged-"

"Did you catch the flu?" Bandit lifted an eyebrow.

Blinking confused, Jäger shook his head. "No?"

"Then get yourself together and woman up! Be like Monika. She would stomp there, grab that guy by the ear and order him to go on a date with her!" Noticing the dark glare of IQ, Bandit smirked even wider. "In the most adorable and dominatrix way, she could!" he even winked at the woman.

Jäger let out a little laugh at the way IQ was shaking her head now. "Back to the point! You are good Marius. You can do it! Just be yourself!"

The man looked at his teammates for a few seconds, considering the options, storing the information, then, with a nod, he straightened up, hugging Goyo's book close to himself. "Very well. Wish me luck!"

"Break a leg-!"

"That way César would be able to catch you when you fall!" snorted Bandit.

Actually laughing at this, Jäger nodded and left the room. The two remaining German listened to his footsteps fade, then Bandit looked up at IQ.

"Do you really think he can do it, or you just pushing him, because you bet 25£ on him?"

IQ smiled at him. "Of course he can do it! Now come on. We need to catch our show in the Nerd Room."

Bandit placed down his book and got up, joining IQ. "Do you think Mark really put bugs everywhere on Base to be able to track the bet?"

Now IQ was the one smirking. "I helped. Trust me, there are bugs everywhere!"

Bandit hugged her close to himself for a second. "When you do stuff like this is the time I know I have the most amazing best friend!"

"And when you say stuff like this" replied IQ. "Is the time I know you are high!"

Grinning Bandit opened the door to the Monitor room - the home of Dokkaebi, Mute and all the nerds. "We will never know!"

~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

Jäger found Goyo in the common room, next to Mira, Amaru and Thermite. The later three were arguing about some sort of development for the Vulcan shield, but the Mexican wasn't really talking, just listening, as usual.

The German walked in, reassuring himself.

Breathe in- breathe out. It’s going to be okay.

When Goyo noticed Jäger, he turned his face away from the others to look at him, and offered the smallest and warmest of smiles, effectively shattering the German’s courage into tiny, knee-trembling pieces.

He felt his mouth dry out, his hands starting to shake, his previous plans vanish into thin air. It’s so not going to be okay!

For a second, he considered turning back and hiding under his bed for the next decade. That way at least he could have been safe, nobody to bug him. He could even be a ghost.

He glanced back at the door, biting into his bottom lip. Running seemed so easy and nice, for a second he even forgot why he was here.

Then he looked back at the group of people, and noticed that Goyo was still looking at him, his beautiful brown eyes waiting patiently for Jäger to join them.

The German loved his eyes. They were fantastic. The most amazing mix of red and brown, spotted with green here and there. Glaz wished to paint something this perfect! Looking into his eyes felt like walking in forest on a fresh autumn morning. There were times, when only looking at the Mexican during a training or live mission calmed him down. When he looked into Goyo's eyes, he felt appreciated and maybe even a bit special. But most of all, he felt safe.

And this on its own was worth fighting for, so he pushed aside his fears and braced himself.

With a big gulp, he clenched his fists and approached them. "Hey guys!"

As usual, Amaru greeted him in a cheerful voice. “Marius! It’s so good to see you, help us out here. Elena and Jordan are fighting over the new blueprints of the Vulcan!”

His eyes fidgeting on the book, he glanced at Goyo, then at the others and their papers. Five minutes didn’t really matter, did they? Maybe this would calm down his nerves a bit. So he joined and put the book in his pocket.

As he was hunching over the blueprints, he totally missed the little glance Goyo threw at his always cheerful partner. Amaru smirked at him.

Scratching his neck, Jäger took a pencil from the table and, literally lying on top of the big papers, he started to correct the design flaws or the constructions that were technically infeasible.

Mira and Thermite nodded along his work, offering new ideas. Amaru was kind of helping, but Goyo was only watching the scribbles of new plans, the other three, and especially Jäger. Always Jäger.

Amaru glanced at him and poked him in the side with her elbow, but Goyo gently waved her off.

When Jäger finished, he placed down the pencil and humming, looked at Mira and Thermite. “It might be easier this way!”

The Spanish tilted her head and looked at the American. “I told you he will correct most of it! You can’t actually store lava in those cans Jordan!”

“So what? A man can have dreams!”

Rolling her eyes, Mira lifted the blueprints. “Thanks Marius!”

Jäger smiled at her. “No problem. If you leave them in the workshop, we can go through them tomorrow together- I mean if you want!”

The Spaniard looked at him, lifting an eyebrow a little. Lightning fast, she glanced at Goyo then back to Jäger. “Why not now?”

Jäger - catching the little glance - felt himself blush a little. “I have stuff to do!”

“What kind of stuff?” Mira smiled. Jäger wanted to murder her. He was sure she knew about the bet. Of course she knew about the bet! In fact, Thermite was one of Bandit’s best friends, so he surely participated as well. Jäger wasn't sure about Amaru, but at this point everybody was a possible betting suspect, either ready to help or to hold him back.

With a wave of anger, he turned his face towards Goyo. "Can I steal you for five minutes?"

Blinking, the Mexican nodded. "Sure! I will be right back!" he looked at Amaru, who nodded with a smile.

As they left, Mira looked at Thermite. "I will take Eliza on a date from the money I win!"

Thermite shook his head. "It's still not over Elena. If you lose, I'm taking her on a date!"

Mira flushed all of a sudden. "You can't always steal her based on you two being best friends!"

Thermite winked at her. "You should have bet on Marius, not against him!"

The Spaniard punched him in the shoulder in anger.

Amaru smiled at them. "Oh come on kids, calm down, this is just a game!"

"Says the woman who bet 50£ to her loss?" smirked Thermite. "Why do you want to lose?"

With an all knowing smile, Amaru looked in the direction of the entrance, where Goyo and Jäger left. "Because I bet against César, and I know how happy he would be if Marius did ask him out on a date!"

Mira's eyes rounded. "He bet on Marius? That's cheating!"

Thermite shook his head. "Technically he didn't say anything yet, so… he is still in the game!"

Amaru grinned. "Yes, he is!"

~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

"You look pale, are you okay?" Goyo asked, walking side by side with Jäger.

"Y-yeah, sure! Everything is okay!" came the shaky reply. Jäger looked down at the book in his hands.

Come on!

Clenching his eyes, he recalled IQ's voice, how she tried to calm him.

Breathe in-breathe out. He can do this!

"I just brought you back the book back you lent me!" he offered said object to Goyo.

Blinking, the Mexican took it, almost not being able to hold back a smile. "I told you, you can keep it, didn't I?"

Jäger bit into his lip. Goyo did tell him, didn't he? Fuck, now he looks like an idiot! Shit.

"Y-yeah?"

Chuckling, Goyo shook his head. "You forgot?"

"Maybe."

"Well, you can still keep it. I know you love these more than me, it would be in a better place with you."

"Thank you, César!"

"Nothing to thank me for. Was this all, you wanted to talk about?"

"Yeah!" answered Jäger, then blinking he started to stutter. "I-I m-mean, n-no! No of course not I-I um...um… w-wanted to ask something, to be honest!"

"Oh, yeah? Should I be worried?" Goyo smiled at him, making Jäger's heart skip a beat.

"W-why would you do that? No! Nothing to worry about!"

"I'm just pulling your leg, Marius. You seem so stressed. Come on, let's take a walk outside, shall we?"

Jäger looked at him, nodding furiously. A little fresh air might calm down his nerves.

Heading outside, none of them were talking. And it was- perfect. They always did this, just existing side by side, and that was it. Jäger loved it, being around Goyo was putting him at ease like nothing else.

When they were out with friends and he ended up sitting next to the Mexican, he usually fell asleep on the man's shoulder. Goyo never complained. This went with movies as well, they watched together or when they were on a plane coming home after a mission. It started to become the best place for Jäger to sleep on, even though Goyo was shorter than him. He always found a way to snuggle up to the Mexican’s side.

Thankfully, the chilly February weather calmed down his burning skin a bit as they got outside. Goyo started their usual path, walking towards the hangars to check out Jäger’s helicopter.

He looked at the German, who was still deep in his thoughts, then glanced up at the Base’s windows. He didn’t even need to search for too long, he soon found a few noses pressed to the Nerd Lair’s window - Bandit, IQ, Mute, Dokkaebi, Fuze. They were watching like hungry hawks.

With a small smile, Goyo massaged the bridge of his nose and looked at Jäger. “So, how are you? You seem a bit distracted as well!”

The German glanced at him, blushing all of a sudden. “Yes! N-no-!”

Goyo lifted an eyebrow with a small smile. “Are you okay?”

“Y-yes! Yes! I’m just a bit- maybe a bit stiff? But- I need to ask you something!” Jäger stopped in his track, turning towards Goyo, placing his hands on the man’s shoulders.

Not even surprised by the sudden repositioning, the Mexican looked up at him, straight into his eyes, lips curving into a small smile. "I'm all ears."

Jäger watched his eyes for a mere second, bracing himself. It's going to be alright. Just be Monika.

He took a deep breath and opened his mouth, but the moment he wanted to speak, he noticed his friends - noses still pressed against the window.

He lifted an eyebrow, pulling a face. "Oh fuck me-"

“Maybe later-” he heard the Mexican whisper and snapped his eyes at him.

“W-what?” he stuttered. His knees started to tremble again.

Goyo - with a face calm and collected - looked up at him again, gently petting one of Jäger’s hands on his shoulder. “You wanted to ask something, right? Ask it!”

With an audible gulp Jäger nodded, letting his hands fall to his sides. “Right!” he glanced at the window once more. He saw Bandit shaking his head, and he felt his fingers clenching into fists. He took a deep breath, bracing himself for every possible answer, best and worst and nodded to himself.

“W-would you like to g-go on a date with m-me…?” he muttered, closing his eyes for a second.

Goyo just stood there, silent, unmoving.

Oh great. Now Jäger was an idiot and Bandit would win. Fantastic. Fantastic! As one more, silent second went by, his disappointment turned to sadness.

He turned his face away, rubbing his arm, trying to hide his frustration. He felt like a disaster.

Then he felt Goyo’s voice, warm and rich, making his eyes round. “I can’t give you a proper answer until you look at me, Marius.”

Fumbling with his fingers, Jäger glanced up at him just to be greeted by Goyo’s beautiful smile. He could not calm down immediately.

Goyo lifted his hand, waving Jäger closer. With never seen excitement, the German straightened up and stepped closer to the other. Goyo looked at him, his smile turning into a grin. “I thought you would never ask!”

Jäger couldn’t hold back a wide grin. He wanted to jump out of his skin in excitement, he wanted to shout, to run a mile, to do anything that would deduct his previous stress and newly found energy.

“S-so is that a yes?” he heard himself ask. Dammit anxiety! He wanted to slap himself.

With a laugh Goyo reached out and grabbed a handful of his collar, pulling him down to press their lips together. Just like that!? The motion was so smooth and calculated, Jäger could not stop his endorphin filled brain from thinking about Goyo thinking about this as well. He felt himself high, he was happy, now his hands started to shake because of this as he hugged Goyo’s waist, kissing back.

He heard the Mexican’s little laugh, as he pulled back. “Eager, aren’t we?”

Jäger bushed. “I’m sorry…?”

“Are you?” grinned Goyo.

The German shook his head. “Not a bit.”

“I know you like Valentine’s Day, but not the crowd, so February 15th? Does that work for you as the date?”

Blinking a few, Jäger burst out laughing. “Sure! Y-yes please!”

“Deal!” Goyo pressed one more kiss on his lips and stepped back. “Shall we go?”

Jäger grinned at him. “Sure- just one second!” he turned towards the window where he saw the others and flipped them a finger, then turned to Goyo. “They made a stupid bet-”

“I know!” nodded Goyo. Wide eyes, Jäger looked at him to be greeted by a small smirk. “I bet on you asking me, and you did it!”

“H-hey!” Jäger almost fainted and when the Mexican started his way back to the building he ran after him, totally missing the celebration in the Computer room.

~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

“I won!” IQ popped down next to Bandit, who was still sitting next to the window. “And you lost!”

Bandit looked at her, his lips pulling into a sly smirk as he reached for his smoke.

IQ crossed her arms in front of her. “Why are you smiling? You lost…!”

He pulled out one thread and put it in between his lips. He lit it and blew out the smoke. “Did I?” Bandit patted her knee. “I lost, like- 10£.”

Her eyes widening, IQ leant closer. “How!?”

Bandit looked at her. “I never said I bet against Marius, Monika.”

“But you said-”

“I know what I said, but that only was to get Marius going!”

Mouth falling open the woman shook her head, a smile bloomin on her lips. “You fucker. You made like… 20 bets with everybody and none of these were against Marius, hah?”

Bandit nodded. “I’m rich.”

“You fucking fucker. But how did you lose that 10£ then?” IQ tilted her head.

Bandit looked out the window, satisfied. “The only bet I made against Marius was- with Marius.”

IQ both amazed and scared shook her head. “You- I can’t even-”

Bandit looked up at her. “I knew he could do it, Monika, but not using this opportunity to collect money is just stupid!” he winked.

“Evil.”

“Genius.”

“I can’t even!” IQ shook her head and still trying to process all the info, she stood up and left Bandit by himself.

Grinning the German looked after her and out of the window. He could still see Jäger and Goyo, and he just couldn’t stop the proud smile spreading on his lips.

I hope you enjoyed! <3

[multi-fandom-imagines8]

The Perfect Ship

Part 2

Request: Hey, I saw that you’re requests for Spn are open. Can you write a Dean Winchester x reader fic? R is a part of the team and on a mission she discovers that Spn is a book (like a cosplay or smth) and she sees  people shipping them and her reaction is the same as when Dean found out about Destiel. Maybe they end up together after that. I hope that wasn’t too much. Thank you. Requested by anon.

You can read part one here.

Supernatural Masterlist

Word Count: 2348.

Recap:“I think you’re in the new books too” Sam believed.

“As if”.

“I love him, Sammy! What should I do? Do I tell him or do I keep it to myself. I don’t want to get hurt, because you know Dean is a womanizer and I’m not 100% sure that he loves me back” a girl with o/h/c came with a guy who was dressed like Sam.

“Listen Y/n. Life is too short and if you love him, you should tell him. Trust me on this” the guy spoke in a deep tone.

“What the hell is that?!” your mouth was left wide open from shock.

----

“I think that’s supposed to be you and the guy is supposed to be me” Sam informed you.

“No fucking way. I’m not having this. Hey, Lady!” you approached the pair.

“Oh, you’re Y/n too” she smiled at you.

“Oh, no! Not too. There is only one me and that’s definitely not you. Besides, I don’t have o/h/c hair. Also, spoiler alert but me and Dean are not in love with each other, so stop spreading lies!” you were so angry.

“Oh, you’re one of those” the guy said.

“One of who?” you questioned.

“The ones who believe that their OTP is the only valid ship. What are you? A SamY/n shipper? Or one of those who believe that she’s the female version of Dean only lesbian” the guy asked.

“First of all, Ship? There’s no Sam me shit. Second of all, I AM NOT the female version of Dean and I’m definitely not a lesbian. Not as far as I know. What is wrong with you people?”.

“If you’re not a DeanY/n shipper and not a SamY/n shipper or shipping Y/n with any female character, then who do you ship her with?”.

“Nobody. I ship myself with myself. How about that?”.

“Weirdo” the girl said.

“Say that again!” you dared her.

“Listen, everybody is here to have fun. So, don’t be one of those people who believe they are the only people entitled to be a character, okay?”.

“Do I look like a character to you?”.

“Yeah, aren’t you Y/n?”.

“The real Y/n. It’s on my birth certificate, you idiot!”.

“Sure, whatever you say” he scuffed.

You were about to attack him when Sam came in the middle and stopped you, while Dean was standing in the corner and laughing at you.

“Calm down, Y/n. It’s not worth it!” he whispered to you “I’m sorry. She takes this very seriously and forgets herself sometimes” he apologized on behalf of you.

“Seriously, Sam? I take this very seriously? It’s my fucking life” you shouted.

“Welcome to the club” Dean grinned.

“I’m gonna break those pretty teeth of yours” you threatened.

“So, what are we thinking Sammy? Case or no case?” Dean ignored you and asked his brother.

“Huh, there’s definitely a case here” you stated.

“I mean the last couple of times we’ve encountered ‘fans’ there was always a case”.

“I wonder what it is this time”.

“Wait, how many times have you been to events like these?” you asked.

“Well, there was the time we discovered our lives was a book. Then there was the convention, the musical, the crazy obsessed fangirl that I married” Sam informed you.

“Wait, you got married? And did you just say musical?”.

“Oh, yeah! It was awesome!” Dean expressed.

“I thought you hated musicals” Sam commented.

“That was a long time ago”.

“Dean, wait. I’m sorry!” a guy in a trench coat followed a guy dressed like Dean.

“Why the hell did you do that, Cass?” he spoke in a rough manly voice.

The three of you turned to watch the scene.

“I did it for you, Dean! If I didn’t do that, you would’ve died. I can’t lose you again. I just can’t”.

“Well, that wasn’t your decision to make. My life means nothing. If I was meant to die, then so be it”.

“Your life doesn’t mean nothing. It means a lot to many people, to Sam, to me. There’s something I have to tell you”.

“What is it, Cass?”.

“The thing is I was afraid of how you might react the past few years that I haven’t thought about what would actually happen after. I love you, Dean” the guy admitted.

“Yeah and I love you too, Cass. what’s the thing?”.

“No, I love you. Not in a platonic way”.

“Oh…”.

“Say something, Dean”.

“I never thought you would ever say that. I love you too” the two men kissed and you couldn’t help but laugh at Dean’s facial expression.

“Guess you’re used to that, huh?”.

“Shut up!”.

“So, uhm, Dean since when do you have feelings for Cass? Was it when he gripped you tight and raised you from perdition or was it in Purgatory? Don’t tell me it after he died and came back” you teased.

“I’ll tell you when you tell me when you started falling in love with me” he smirked.

“Oh, nice costumes! You should join the costume competition” two girls dressed like Dean and Sam complimented you and Dean.

“By the way, you look great together! DeanY/n is my OTP” one of the girls said.

“Nah, I prefer Y/n with Meg. They had so much sexual tension” the other girl said.

“Meg as in demon Meg?” you asked.

“Yeah, who else?”.

You were about to say something but Dean stopped you “let’s see if they have food, sweetheart. I’m starving” he grabbed your arm and led the way, while Sam went to investigate anything supernatural.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” you removed your arm from his grip and turned to face him.

“I’m enjoying your reaction more”.

“Fuck you, Winchester!”.

“Ooooh”.

“Ewww!”.

“-no, Y/n and Rowena would be the perfect couple. They’re both sassy, surrounded by men with high testosterone levels. Let’s not forget, they’d bond over making fun of the boys. And maybe Y/n’d become her partner when she needs to do a spell that requires two people” a group of girls were debating who you should end up with.

“No, it won’t work, because Y/n is a hunter and witches are considered to be evil. Granted, Rowena is not but Y/n wouldn’t leave the boys and become a witch. But I believe Y/n and Charlie are a match made in heaven. They’d be geeks together and have a lot of fun teasing the boys” another girl said.

“Nah, she and Crowly had a thing. I’m sure of it. I mean every time they’d summon him in Y/n’s present, he’d immediately appear and greet her nicely. Not to mention, he flirted with her many times”.

“Whatever you say, for me it’ll always be the three of them together. Sam, Dean and Y/n”.

“If we’re talking about threesomes, then for me it’s Y/n, Cass and Dean”.

 “If have to sit here and listen to these crazy ass girl for another second, I’m gonna die and I mean it this time” you whined.

“Yeah, I agree. Let’s get out of here”.

---

“Sam, finally! Anything?” Dean asked.

“No, I haven’t found anything. You?”.

“I think the people are possessed” you claimed.

“Why would you say that?” Sam questioned.

“You don’t want to know, trust me” Dean shook his head.

“So, what now? Can we leave?” you asked.

“Not quite yet. Sometimes, the murders happen after an hour or so”.

“Oh, so we’re waiting for a murder to happen. That’s just great!” you sighed.

Suddenly, someone screamed and you rushed towards the source.

“Hey, what happened?” Dean and a guy dressed like Dean asked at the same time.

“I just got here. Didn’t get to have a look at the creature. But he managed to wound me. The poor girl died in fright” a girl dressed like you said.

“You alright?” the guy helped her up.

“Yeah, I’m fine, babe” they started making out.

“Hey, hey, hey, stop that!” you ordered.

“You talking to us?” the guy asked.

“Yeah. there’s no kissing during a hunt. You have a case to solve. Unbelievable! If the world relied on you, there’d be nobody left” you complained.

The pair left feeling ashamed.

“That was not nice” Dean commented.

“You’re one to talk".

“aegrota amore. aegrota amore” a red head and another girl dressed like you recited, while two men stood in front of them. 

“Y/n’s a hunter, not a witch” you told them.

“But what if she wasn’t?” the girl dressed like you asked.

“She’s doing something good. We cast the sick love spell on these demons to get information out of them and to make them steal the demon killing knife from Crowley” the girl dressed as Rowena informed you.

“I see” you raised your eyebrows.

“Now, go get us the knife, boys”.

“I don’t- Y/n doesn’t talk like that” you reminded.

“Maybe she does”.

“Good job, my love” The Rowena cosplayer kissed the You cosplayer.

“Of course you’re together. I should’ve figured” you shrugged.

“Why are there so many people dressed as you? Sam pouted.

“You’re asking the wrong person, Sam. If I can exchange places with you, believe me I would… wait, are you sad that you haven’t seen so many people dressed as you?”.

“Maybe”.

“Dude” Dean shook his head and you laughed.

“I’m gonna go search for the other yous. Let’s just hope I don’t find them with other mes”.

“Wait for me” Dean followed.

“Have you come to tease again?” you asked.

“Nope” he lied “I’m just loving seeing you ‘shipped’ with many different people. I haven’t even thought about most of them” he admitted.

“What do you mean by thought about most of them?”.

“Uhm, nothing”.

“Have you been pairing me up with people we know in your sick little mind?” you questioned.

“Of course not” he lied.

“Liar. Ew! That’s why your enjoying all of this. It’s like your fantasies about me are coming true”.

“It’s not li-”.

“Hey bitches” a Charlie cosplayer walked by you.

“Did she just?”.

“Yup” Dean chuckled.

“Is that a mirror in your jeans?” she flirted with you.

“Uhm, no”.

“Because I see me in your pants” she winked.

“Me and Charlie were best friends nothing happened between us” you informed you.

“Subtext” she shrugged.

“What?”.

“oh, I know this one. It means sex. You can’t spell subtext without s-e-x” he grinned, feeling very proud of himself for knowing that.

“Dean here gets it” the Charlie figure said and high fived him.

“Uhm, no. I’m not dealing with this. And I’m not even going to ask how you know that” you turned around and started walking away while Dean and the girl started talking.

---

“Ah, here you are! I’ve been searching for you two” Dean interrupted your conversation with Sam.

“Dean, just in time. We were just talking about you”.

“Really? What about?” he seemed happy.

“About what yours and Cas’ ‘ship’ name should be. What do you think? Destiel? Deastiel? DeanCas?” you and Sam laughed.

“Shut your face!”.

“Sam informed me how much you needed the name, for your dark fantasies” you smirked.

“I’m gonna kill you both. I hope it was worth it”.

“Oh, look! Here you are!” you told Sam, who was actually excited.

“What should we call it? Sastiel or Samstiel?” he asked.

“Hmm.. good question. Dean any suggestions?” you were enjoying this way too much.

“I’m just gonna ignore the both of you and maybe hook up with a girl pretending to be you” he flashed his eyebrows twice in tease.

“Don’t you dare!”.

---.

By the end of the night, it turned out to be an spirit living in the house killing people, because they disturped their peace. You ended up needing the help of two cosplayers that happened to be dressed as you and Dean, while Sam was stuck inside.

You debated with them the whole time you were outside trying to get to the body, why you and Dean shouldn’t end up together and tried to prove to them that you’re the real you.

“So, I guess ghosts are real” the guy said. 

“Yeah, so is every other creature mentioned in Supernatural. And so are we. We’re the real Y/n and Dean”.

“Riiight, so what’s hell like? And how’s working with a demon like?” they questioned.

“Hell is hell” Dean replied.

“Working with a demon isn’t that bad. I mean there are ‘good demons’”.

“Sure” they nodded in disbelief.

“It’s nice working with you ‘real Y/n and Dean’. I’m Gary, this is Joana” he introduced.

“And with you” Dean shook his hand and gave him a friendly smile.

“The Dean I know wouldn’t let people insult him just like that” you told him once they left.

“Sweetheart, there’s no use talking to them. They’ll never believe us no matter what. Trust me, me and Sam, we tried this before. Never worked”.

“Well, it will work. I will personally see to that. Who wrote the book?”.

“Chuck, aka God”.

“So, we’ll go talk to him and make him sort this mess”.

“We have to find him first, which we’ve been trying for the past two years”.

“Oh, I’ll find him, alright!”.

“So, wanna talk about us?”.

“What?”.

“The ‘cosplay’. What do you really think about people pairing us up?.

“You simply can’t just put ice and fire together”.

“Well, Game of Thrones did”.

“Yeah? And look what happened. I don’t wanna end up like Khaleesi, Jon Snow”

“What about the chemistry and sexual tension we have?”.

“We don’t”.

“Don’t we?”.

“Is that what you think?”.

“I asked you first”.

“Clever! Dean, in our line of work, relationships don’t last. They’re either a means to an end or a distraction and we can’t afford that”.

“Is that what you really think of us?”.

“It’s not what I think. It’s what I know from experi-” before you could finish the sentence, Dean’s lips were pressed against yours. Your eyes widened and you were shocked but within a few seconds you involuntarily closed your eyes and kissed him. When you realized what was happening you stopped and pushed him back.

“What was that for?” you asked.

“Tell me you don’t feel the same and I’ll never kiss you again”.

“Dean, I- I’d be lying if I said so, but it’s not the right moment. Maybe when we’re done hunting”.

“We’ll never be done with hunting. You know how this ends. With one of us dead. So, we should do something about us before it’s too late”.

“As long as you promise me that our private lives and our work lives would be separated”.

“I can work with that”.

Tags:  @thisismysecrethappyplace​​ @berruneko09 @spnwinchestersd​​@simonsbluee​​ @capsheadquaters​

[neshabeingchildish]

15. Who in the Hell Left the Gate Open?

Pushing out chapters pretty quickly. Finna go to sleep. Hope to wake up to feedback. I know Jasper’s been a little bit infuriating the last couple of chapters, but he is my baby and I will defend him. Mistakes were mad and in the words of @chenoahchantel “I’m mad at everybody”  Lmao. Enjoy or be enraged. Idk...

Who in the Hell Left the Gate Open?

“Do you remember when you told me that you would never take me for granted?” Charlotte asked, early into sophomore year. 

Jasper was on the couch in his dorm, editing a video and gave her a weird glance before asking, “Do you feel like I’ve taken you for granted?”

She folded her arms and shook her head, speaking angrily through her teeth, “Do not do that. If I ask you a question, I expect your answer. Don’t ask me a question back. Answer MY question before you go posing questions of your own!”

Jasper’s eyes went wide and he set his laptop aside, now sure that he was in trouble for something and guilty that he’d obviously upset her. “I’m sorry,” he said, getting up and coming over to her. He rubbed her arms, to try to comfort her, “Of course I remember. That was our first time. It was magical. All I wanted to do was make you happy and give you the world. I said more than that. I said that I would never hurt you, take advantage of you, or take you for granted, and I meant that. If I’ve mistakenly done any of that, that’s the part that I didn’t mean… Are you okay?”

Her eyes were damp and he was trying not to panic, but he had never seen this look in them before, so he didn’t know what that meant. Then, he was worried because he usually always knew what Charlotte’s looks meant, even down to the smallest curves up her lips, up or down, he knew when it was disdain, disgust, desire or delight. “I’ve made a terrible mistake,” she said, shaking her head. “I made a decision to give so much of my heart to you that I didn’t think of how much I needed for myself. You were dealt a bad hand and I’ve done everything that I can to convince you that I love you, anyway, even if you thought that nobody else did. I wanted you to be happy, so I’ve tried to make you happy, and I miscalculated what would do that. I thought that because praise seems to be your love language that I alone could compliment you and you’d feel amazing and you’d love me for that…” Her voice was breaking and so was his heart. Why did she sound like that? What was she saying?

“I do, so, SO much…”

“Let me!”She finally unfolded her arms, to raise a finger to stop him from begging her not to do this… what it sounded like she was about to do to him… “You needed so much validation, and for years, the people you cared about didn’t regularly grant you that and I knew, I knew, that I was one of these guilty parties that didn’t build you up. I wanted to try to rectify that…” She wiped a tear with the back of her hand, “I wanted to be loving to you and whenever you became this larger than life presence, I tried not to be jealous and I tried not to dampen things for you. You deserved the attention. You deserve that kind of love, you know?” Her face was distorted in pain. Jasper covered his own with both of his hands. He couldn’t think right now. His head was throbbing and his eyes were burning. What the fuck had he done to upset her this much? She looked like she was going to collapse and he knew that somehow, this was his fault. She was saying it was hers, but that couldn’t be right. She was just trying to be kind to him again. He’d fucked up and she was about to dump him for it… “Whenever you blew up on Henry a few months ago…” He looked up at her again. If this had anything to do with Henry, he was going to put his fist through a wall. “I probably should have come after you. Maybe I triggered a defense mechanism or, or  SOMETHING!” Her hands tried to clench the air in front of her, hoping to pluck the words for the feelings that were tearing her apart. “But, after that night, it went even darker. I’d come into a room and you’d be there, and it used to be that even if the room was full, we were the only people there. The room was always full… But I was the only person there. I made a mistake. I pushed you away, I guess? I just… I can’t be in a room with you and be alone. I hate it. I hate looking at you and seeing how happy everyone makes you and not knowing how to be a part of that anymore.” She clasped her hands together and shrugged her shoulders, “I thought of the two of us that I was the stronger one, because I’d had a stronger foundation. I thought I could handle these changes. But, now I have to be strong enough to let you know that I have to feel loved too, and I don’t have fans or friends here… So, it’s up to me, and I think it’s best that I figure this out and give you the space to grow into this supernova that I see in front of me…”

Jasper clenched his fists, his entire body shaking and turned a bright red color as he nodded his head and lied, "I want you to do whatever you think is best for you." She nodded, wishing deep down that he had fought her on it, a little bit more, but trying to tell herself that the mature thing to do was accept how much he was trying to make this easier on her. He looked like a different person. She could hardly recognize him as he tried to collect himself. But, when she made it to the door and moved to open it, he reflexively stopped her.

He shut it with his foot, placed his shaking hands together like a prayer and begged her in a whisper, "Please don't do this." 

"Jasper."

"I'm sorry. I tried to just let you walk away, but I'm begging you not to. I know that I never even deserved you in the first place and I should just be grateful that you ever saw anything in me, but… don't you love me? Didn't I at least earn that in all this time?"

"You know the answer to that."

"Can I show you something? Let me go get it. Please. And if it doesn't matter, I'll get out of your way forever and let you live your life without me."

"I'm not doing anything on a whim, Jasper. I've thought about this. I've tortured myself with making this decision. I didn't make it lightly."

"Please, Dear God - just a couple of minutes!"

"Okay. But whatever you have doesn't change what I've told you."

He rushed to get a small locking journal and opened it with a key on his keychain of keys. "I have a crappy laptop and I'm always breaking my phone, so I put this on paper, to make sure that I don't lose the information." He showed her a page, "It's my life goals. I started this whenever we got together." He flipped some pages for her. "It's so that I could try to be the man that I thought that you'd want and need me to be for you." She looked at it and read in handwriting that she knew very well from years of Robin’s Telling, Interesting ways to make Charlotte feel beautiful, that she’ll appreciate. And it was numbered and in the margins, he had checks and X’s, because obviously, some things had worked and some hadn’t. He was pretty hit or miss with ideas, but just the fact that he’d been doing this when she was thinking that he wasn’t paying any attention to her..."I just need you to tell me that you still love me and I didn't fuck this up."

"I will always love you. And you didn't fuck this up.." She honestly said. That only made her feel worse.  WHY couldn’t she just be the strong person that she wanted to be? Why did she need his validation so much, suddenly? Was it her jealousy or had he really been neglecting her?

"I know I'm not meeting your standards. I know I'm not perfect and I know that even if I did everything in here, I still may never be good enough, but… I just have to know… don't you even think that maybe I'm worth trying to work it out with?" 

She was crying now, reading: Make sure to do whatever I have to to make Charlotte feel like I love her with all my heart, everyday. She nodded. "Yeah, you're worth trying to work it out with." She said and dropped her bag onto the floor. 

"You… does that mean you're staying?" He asked, apprehensive, trembling uncontrollably. Too scared to get excited without her approval. She nodded. She couldn't form words. Jasper dropped his journal to scoop her up into a hug and hold her closely to himself. He was still shaking in terror. She was sobbing against his chest. "I'll do better. I'll be better. I promise. I don't care what it takes."  

… Perhaps… A little rewind is in order?

FRESHMAN SUMMER

Jasper changed shifts at the home improvement shop to a full time, daytime summer gig, so that he had his evenings free for practices, parties and the parlour. Charlotte was in class during the day, and on Tuesday and Thursday evenings, so they had plenty of time together. It was going fine, good even at times. She thought that maybe they had gotten over the hiccup with Henry and that whole mess, but even though he said that he texted Henry and apologized and that they were “fine,” she knew that they weren’t good, because they weren’t talking. Whenever Henry visited, Jasper would always invite Casper along, like he needed someone else there to have fun with… which made it feel like an awkward double date. Awkward because Henry and Jasper were supposed to be best friends and Charlotte was supposed to be Jasper’s girlfriend! Henry didn’t want to bring it up since he and Jasper “were fine,” so whenever the four of them crashed at the frat house, Charlotte insisted that she and Jasper slept in his room alone and that the other two went and found an empty room or they could fight over the couch. She and Jasper went to bed, Casper crashed on the couch and Henry pulled into the bed on the other side of Jasper. Jasper didn’t have a problem with it. He was between them and it was fine. 

But, Casper was sprawled on the couch, topless with boxers on and Charlotte felt taken aback that she was that comfortable. “How often does she go around topless around you?” She squealed, before Henry and Casper could even leave the room good. 

“I don’t know. It’s a regular thing for her. She does that wherever. She’s been spoken to by the league for it on multiple occasions.” Charlotte was even angrier that Jasper wasn’t taking her frustrations about this seriously, but felt like he really did seem oblivious as to why it was a problem for her.

“I don’t care if she walks into CLASS like that, she’s NOT allowed to do it in here. In fact, I don’t even feel comfortable with you hanging out with her in here by yourselves now. Does she play video games like that?” 

“I think you’re…”

“I’d you say overreacting, my reaction will be to punch you right in the nutsack!”

“God!” He said, cuffing his jewels, “I was gonna say misinterpreting…” Charlotte went on screaming and losing her mind with Jasper trying to talk her down up until he must’ve succeeded, because Henry and Casper heard them… making up… 

Casper smiled and fist pumped the air, “My nigga Big Dog!” She said.

Henry gasped clutched his shirt. “You… SAY that?” He asked.

She laughed and shook her head, “Please don’t tell me that you’re gonna go off on a tangent about how I can’t say that around you, because I’ve already heard that from him and you can just say ditto.”

“You ABSOLUTELY can’t say that around me!” Henry said, disgusted. “How dare you!” She laughed, unsure if he was serious. He positively was.

“Look, I grew up around nothing but Black people and I have them in my family and stuff. It’s not a big deal to any of them…”

“I’m not them. You’d better be glad that Jasper didn’t tell Charlotte you’ve said that around him. And honestly… I can’t believe he still hangs out with you!” 

“He knows that I didn’t mean it like that, and I’ve never repeated it since he was so damn offended, like you’re acting like now.” she rolled her eyes.

“What are you like the girl variant of fuckboy?”

“Wouldn’t that just be fuckgirl?” She wondered.

“I guess you would know. That’s clearly your tribe.”

She shrugged, “Like your tribe is Team Abandon Jasper?” 

Now… Henry wasn’t the type to hit a girl, but he was ready to punch this one right between the eyes. She was a tall, athletic type with tone muscles and a flat chest. She almost coul;d pass for a boy. He really should probably talk himself out of socking her in the nose. Charlotte came out of Jasper’s room all happy looking, glared at Casper and asked, “Why are you still here?”

“My shoes are in there, Chica,” She said and went inside. 

“What, you grew up around a bunch of Latinx people too?” Henry called out. Whenever she was getting her shoes, Henry whispered, “She said the N word to me!” Charlotte gasped and turned around, ready to pounce on her. 

Jasper stopped her and said, “Let her go.”

“Let her go? Henry said she said the N word, I should be letting her have it. YOU should be letting her have it!”

“She didn’t mean it like that,” Jasper said. Henry scratched the back of his neck. “Her Black people let her say that around them like affectionately, and she forgets that not everyone is okay with that. It’s not like that guy that accosted you that time.”

“Unfuckingbelievable,” Charlotte said. “You just pulled your penis out of me and had best believed, you won’t be doing that any time soon!” She looked furious, gathering her things. She was madder about that than the tittygate from before. “And just so YOU know, from now on, the Black people get to decide if it’s okay and my Black ass says NO. NEVER. I don’t give a damn what her shucking jiving ass friends said. And if I see her around here, it’s going down. And if I see her with you outside of a game or practice, you can just take your dick to her.” 

She stormed off and Jasper asked Henry, “Did you do that on purpose?”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Why would you tell her that? You know that Casper didn’t mean it like that.”

“Man, fuck Casper. She’s trash.”

“I’m a trash magnet,” Jasper said and shook his head, chasing after Charlotte. “Char! Char, please!” He caught her from behind in an embrace and she honestly couldn’t fathom what he thought that he was going to say to fix that. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you or make it seem like I didn’t think this was serious. Honestly, whenever I heard her say that, I blew up. I cussed her out, I threatened her. I lost it. Okay? It felt wrong, and I reacted. But, then she and everybody else started explaining to me that I was overreacting, so I believed them. I didn’t think that all of them were wrong and I was somehow right…”

“Who is everybody else?” She asked.

“The team.”

“So, all of those white dudes that you spend hours and hours with convinced you that it was okay for her to say something that you know people have called me to make me cry? And you didn’t think to ask me? Or mention it to me?”

“I thought that bringing it up to you would hurt you for no reason. She’d never say that to you, knowing how I feel about it.”

“You are still missing the point… Jasper… Don’t you want kids with me? You think I’d make kids with somebody trying to explain to me why a word weaponized against me, against them isn’t that bad because she said it in a certain way?”

“No. This is all really making me realize I am an idiot and it’ll never happen again.”

“Funny, because I remember you pledging that you would never allow that. Henry jumped to my defense. You tried to talk both of us down. What is wrong with you? It’s literally a slur. You’re supposed to love me.”

“I’ll… go kick her in the cooter if I have to, to prove myself.” The damage was done. That was two huge violations in one day, but he did stop hanging out with Casper and that took a huge load off of Charlotte. Casper tried to apologize to her multiple times, but she didn’t bother with her. She blocked her and put her hand between the two of them whenever she saw her around. She stopped attending practices and games, if they really felt that way about that word, she didn’t have any energy for them. Jasper stopped playing kite discs, too. He said that it didn’t feel the same knowing Charlotte’s take on using the word period. At least he was trying, she told herself. And white people often “get confused” about what was inappropriate. She sent him a post of Get Woke Quick ebooks and told him, “If you ever make a mistake like that again, I refuse to overlook it. He nodded solemnly and was reading all of the books by social justice activists and advocates about racism and antiBlackness in his free time. He started going to the campus events for movement meetings and stuff, which were actually on Charlotte’s campus. She was in the Black Students Union, but it was extremely small and composed mostly of biracial Black people, because there was more of them in the area than all Black, and whenever he was going to meetings for rallies and stuff, he got really cool with some of the people that she introduced him to from the BSU… and a few of them asked him if he’d like to be their token white boy for their radio show. He asked Charlotte if that was okay. She was fine with it. 

The next month of summer was awesome. She forgot to some degree the stuff that she had been rightfully pissed about and wondered about the things that she had been irritated by. Whenever she wasn’t around so much and he was back into classes and busy and whatever else, was he gonna still be cuffing her closely in big crowds? Was he going to notice when she came into a room? She felt like she was punishing him for stuff that she never told him about if she’d attack him now, or stuff that he hadn’t done yet, if the semesters were gonna be that way. So, she tried to enjoy the month and enjoy her man.

Sex was good again. She found that it was amazing whenever she wasn’t troubled or worrying or feeling ignored, and Jasper was fueled by her desire. She’d gotten more aware of what she liked and wanted and more comfortable with telling him. He loved directions. It for one thing assured him that she would like what he was doing and for another, even though she was just telling him what she wanted, hearing her say these things turned him on. 

SOPHOMORE YEAR

Shortly after the semester began, while they were “doing great,” something else happened. They were getting ready to get down to business and Charlotte was practically begging him for it, whimpering and rubbing against him and pouting for him to hurry up and get started. Jasper went into his little nightstand and reached around, sighed and said, “Okay… I’ve gotta go snag a condom.” 

She was so busy pouting that the statement almost was lost on her as he scrambled to get up, but she sat up too and tilted her head, “We’re out?” She asked.

“Yeah,” he said, zipping his jeans up to leave the room.

“Wait. Why are we out?” She asked and a huge flood of fear and insecurity from the previous semester came flushing over her and her breathing caught. “Did you use them?” 

“What? No! The guys come in and take them because they know that I always have them because I have the steady girlfriend…” He looked at her like he couldn’t believe that she would ask him that and now that he thought about it, he was deeply hurt. “Why would I use them if you aren’t there?”

She was thinking about topless Casper and a number of other girls’ faces that she knew specifically from getting much to close to him and being much to flirtatious and him being much too cool about it. She shrugged and he sat back down. “You think I’d cheat on you?”

“I don’t know Jasper. You let girls lay around topless in here and say the most hateful slur in the world, so I really don’t know if you’re ABOVE cheating. Maybe you did something and “didn’t mean it like that.” 

He looked like she had punched him in the gut. “I thought you’d forgiven me for that gross misunderstanding on my part, and I never knew that letting a lesbian be topless was a big deal, especially since she does it in all kinds of places.” Lesbian? So, Casper was a lesbian now? Suddenly? He’d never said that before! “Are you ever gonna forgive me for that, or do I have to bleed again anytime you strike me with it because of an unrelated coincidence?”

“I guess I’ll have to think about that,” she said and got up to leave.

“You’re gonna leave like that?” he asked.

“You have something else to say?”

He shook his head, sadly, “Just that I’ve never cheated on you and I never would. I think about being with you any time that I’m not and I haven’t seen anyone nearly as pretty since I first noticed you. The way you make me feel, I don’t think I would ever be able to feel that anywhere else and I wouldn’t risk it all for even the possibility, because if it wasn’t with you, it wouldn’t matter…” He laid down, looking all depressed and she felt bad. She went to comfort him and they wound up making up… bare… but she mentioned that she’d simply stop by the clinic for a morning after pill, which to Jasper meant that he could go crazy. And it was the most mind altering thing that had happened between them, thus far. 

He was extremely excited, but she didn’t know if that was because it was makeup, or because it was raw. But, he mentioned several times how good she felt and laughed about the idea of him ever wanting anybody else when his Chef’s Kiss had gotten sweeter and juicier all summer. Her head was reeling. She was floating. She was high. Wrapped around him, nothing between them, hearing those declarations, she felt like everything that he was telling her that she was. 

But, whenever they got back around other people… She felt like… not even he was there. Which led us to that blow up where she almost broke up with him. Almost.

.

That was a real come to Jesus moment for Jasper. He started wrestling and boxing, to try to supplement his athletics, and for a while, he didn’t touch Charlotte… not like that, anyway, unless she seemed like she felt rejected, then he quickly tried to make up for it by loving her down in all the ways he knew that she loved. But, he was more focused on rebuilding their intimacy and regaining her trust. For a while, he felt like he was walking on eggshells, because he really didn’t know exactly where he went wrong the first time and he was scared of somehow winding up on the wrong path again. The path that might lead to her crying as she broke his heart, for her own good. He had nightmares about that talk. He had nightmares that he woke up from and cradled her close, having imagined that it really happened.

He couldn’t stomach the thought of messing this up and her leaving him. He couldn’t handle losing her. He would have given up every bit of fanfare and whatnot if all he had was her and he didn’t know how to make her see that. Then again, he had been constantly wondering for all of his life who he was and who he was supposed to be. He wondered if his dad had stuck around, if his mom hadn’t remarried so much, if she’d loved him like Charlotte’s parents loved her, would this be so hard?

He was used to being ignored for a long time, but it still hurt whenever he was. That was why whenever Henry and Charlotte were both working, even though he had other friends, he called them over and over, just wishing and hoping that one of them would love him enough to just reach out and let him know that he still mattered, that he hadn’t lost his people. More than the idea of Charlotte leaving him and him losing her, he was haunted by the fact that he made her feel that sadness of being alone… of not having your people let you know that you mattered. That made him cry when she wasn’t looking. He didn’t want her to see him crying, because she’d try to comfort him and how dare he let her comfort him for being upset about hurting her?

Being the center of attention was like a drug to him. Having so many people to enjoy him, even if they didn’t really care was exhilarating. But… it wasn’t like being Charlotte’s little spoon while she ran her fingers through his hair for the hands down best sleep that he could ever have, her little legs wrapped around him and her supple feet brushing the hairs on his legs. The crowds couldn’t compare to that ‘boozy mahogany flush” of her face whenever he kissed her behind her ear and the baby hairs on her neck shifted ever so slightly and the tingle sent shivers through her and forced her to smile that smile that brought the sunrise to shame. That she thought that she didn’t belong in his world anymore, not knowing that she was his world was… it had to be a failure on his part and he couldn’t stand for it. The fact that he’d missed it, in his reveling in attention was frightening, and he wanted to place a fraction of blame on Charlotte for not telling him sooner, but, he was too afraid that things were too volatile for that conversation. He did ask her gently, though, “Do you think if I ever seem to be making you feel some kind of way, that you could tell me and let me try to fix it?”

This sounded familiar. He’d asked this of her before, in high school after she’d run to Piper with her rants. But, they had been through a lot and she had felt like she was actually ripping her heart out of her chest when she was considering ending things, so this time she said, “I promise that I will.”

“Will you… If I go to meet up with my dad, will you come with me?” He asked. She looked surprised. He explained, “I know my mom’s side of things, but I also know the kinds of behaviors and habits that came from her and how we interacted. I just… want to see if seeing him could help me figure myself out.” 

Charlotte felt super guilty. Like she had broken Jasper, or something. He was so… timid in those days. “Yeah. Of course. And Jasper… You don’t have to be scared to be yourself. I just wanted our growth to be together, and I felt like you’d outgrown me. I was scared, but you don’t have to be. I’m not gonna leave again without giving you a chance to fix it… if anything goes wrong again. I just… wanted to feel like that girl who was up before sunrise making breakfast for a boy because he was the sweetest, more caring boy that she ever knew.”

“And I just wanna be that boy, but you know, in man form. Maybe I should grow my mustache back.”

“I will kill you,” she said. 

He laughed. “Why are you such a hater? Everybody loved it except for you. It was unanimous. Piper loved it and she hates everything.”

“It’s your face. Grow whatever you want.”

“Is it gonna affect how you look at me?”

“I’m gonna look at you like you have a big stupid mustache on your face, just like I did last time.” He laughed and she shook her head, “Either commit to growing a beard or shut up!”

“Oh, you want me to grow a beard?”

“I mean… I wouldn’t be against it. I’d have to see how that fares with the whole, your face spending time in between my legs thing.”

“I would like to see my face spending time between your legs again, just… you know, just ‘cause.”

“You just stopped! I thought I’d given you performance anxiety and didn’t want to put any pressure on you.”

“I feel extremely relaxed right now,” he said, shifting her legs and living for the smile of anticipation on her face. They were good again. They had some hiccups, some missteps, hell, even a trainwreck, but patching things up was even more fulfilling than the days that they thought they wanted to return to - when they weren’t sure of themselves or each other and bumbling through trial and error to reach something that it took a lot of work from both of them to have. At the end of the day, if anybody could analyze and understand someone/something, it was Charlotte Page, and at his core, he desperately wanted someone to understand him.

.

Charlotte’s last visit to Swellview, Jasper came along, to go see his mom. He hadn’t seen her in person for over a year and she was guilt tripping him about it, but he clarified for her that he was gonna be staying at the Pages but would stop by to see her. He didn’t stay very long. He tried to at least give her a few hours. Being away from her had made being in her presence again a supremely unsettling feeling. Charlotte told him that he probably finally knew how she felt around her. “How is Charlotte?” his mom asked.

“She’s good,” Jasper said.

“Everything’s okay?”

“Yeah. Everything is awesome. We’re better than we’ve ever been,” he said. She made a face, like it was surprising. He tried not to get angry about that and instead took the time to brag about her. “She started an initiative to preserve land to cultivate for community gardens in food desserts. My frat prides itself on being sure to have at least one member of every sports team in the school, so I was able to convince them to get their teams involved in efforts to assist with those.” He didn’t add on how long she loved him down for that accomplishment, but nearly every brother in the house commented on how they were both extra loud the previous night and reminded them that some of them had classes in the morning. Jasper had transported back to that night and morning. Charlotte and his sex life was good, but whenever he accomplished something or made her proud, he found that was a major turn on for her, SO… guess wtf he was constantly trying to do? Outdo himself, that’s what. 

He still had a lot of outside attention and “fans,” but if Charlotte was there, he had her right by him, so she wouldn’t be lost in the crowd or feel left out, often cuffed to him, but if not, ever so often, he’d smile at her and kiss her on the nose, or behind the ear, or caress the back of her neck. Those were things that made her weak, so if he casually sprinkled her with them all night, it was as intimate as if nobody had been there. She felt included and she felt loved and he still had the chance to kick it with his bros… he created some boundaries with his lady friends. Some of them would get pissy about it, but most were just as infatuated with his relationship as they were with him as a person. They wanted somebody LIKE him, not him, because if he could be taken away from his adorable long term girlfriend, they didn’t really want somebody like him, anyway…

“What are you thinking about?” His mom broke into his thoughts.

“How much I love Charlotte.” She rolled her eyes and he narrowed his. “What are you thinking about?”

“How your father told me that you found him online and want to meet up with him,” she said. He froze. “Were you gonna tell me?”

“No. I didn’t think it was your business.”

“How not, Jasper?”

“Because, I’m grown.”

“Well, do what you want. But, I doubt he’s any less toxic than he was when I was forced to leave him.” She got up and left the room. Jasper waited a while, went checked on her and.. She had gone to bed. He left and didn’t plan on coming back any time soon. In fact, he needed a complete realigning or something after being inside of there. 

Uncle Roscoe’s house was fortunately the right ambience. There was incense and good food and they had gotten a calming fountain in the family room that played music and lit up various ambient light colors. Plus, Uncle Roscoe made juice and Jasper loved his juice. Aunt Cohort and Charlotte were somewhere getting fish to eat dead skin off of their feet and Uncle Rox wondered, “You getting ready to ask her about it?”

Jasper smiled brightly, full of food and juice and sleepy from the mood of the room, “What?”

“You know what.” 

Jasper sighed and leaned forward in his seat, “We had a rough year, well… a rough year then a rougher year of getting back to good because of the first rough year.”

“I know. I pay attention to the songs she posts. I knew y’all were goin’ through it when she posted Karyn White’s Superwoman with the caption, “On Repeat Forever.”

“I don’t know what that is, but I think I’ve fixed things…”

“Yeah. I know. Like I said, I pay attention to the songs. If you would’ve remembered my advice and paid attention, you’d have had a less rough year.”

Jasper nodded, “I regret so much of my decisions for that time. Did she tell you about the night things hit the fan with Casper?”

“She don’t tell me nothing, Lil’ Nephew. But, I think that she’s ready to settle down. She talks about your future a lot.”

“Yeah, but… I’m the one that wants all the family stuff, she only will do all that because I want it. I’m not gonna rush her.”

“Don’t rush her no… But, don’t let her get away, neither.” Jasper nodded his head. Uncle Rox gave the best advice. She was never gonna get away, if Jasper could help it.

[stillbelievinginfireflies]

Some thoughts on Luther, the apocalypse, and the situation at large

Alright, so. Getting the sense that I’m one of maybe like five people in the fandom that doesn’t actually hate Luther Hargreeves, so I’m gonna do some analysis here and see if I can change any opinions.

So, first things first: Luther is not perfect. Not by any stretch. This post is not trying to claim he is, or that he’s some ‘misunderstood angel baby uwu’. Locking Vanya up was absolutely awful, and his obsession with making decisions for everyone else and acting like a martyr does him no favours. But! He is by no means the only person responsible for everything that happens in this series.

The post is gonna be under the cut, because boy oh boy it’s a long one.

Argument #1: Luther locked up Vanya, causing her to become the White Violin and destroy the world.

Yep. He locked her up. However, it’s not like he was the only person capable of getting her out. Allison, Ben, Diego, and Klaus all were present when this happened and knew that Vanya was trapped. Ben couldn’t do anything. Allison tried to pass by Luther and he held her back and refused to let her do anything until eventually she passed out. Then they all left Vanya to veg out in a soundproof chamber and lose her mind. While Luther is still obviously the one who locked her up, why did nobody else think to...idk...unlock her? He was sitting with Allison in her room right after this incident and obsessing over her. They could have just as easily climbed into the elevator and gone back downstairs to free Vanya and show that Allison wasn’t the only one in her corner. Hell, Diego is pretty much eternally ready to fight Luther throughout the series and while that doesn’t in any way make what happened his fault, it is worth noting that while Luther is the one who locked her up, the others were complicit in allowing her to stay locked up.

Argument #2: Luther is self-absorbed and constantly invalidates the trauma of the others in favour of his own trauma about being sent to the moon.

I’ve only watched the show once, so I may be wrong in this. But most of the instances that come to mind of Luther bringing up the moon are either when it seemed like a natural place in the conversation to do so (like the window conversation when he was sitting and talking with Allison about what it was like up there) or towards the end of the series when he’s trying to solve the apocalypse mystery and suggests that it might have something to do with his research on the moon and how finding that will help. He hated the moon, and he hated that he wound up becoming a half-gorilla-skin-graft situation to survive. But he literally hid the body issue until it straight up came out when Hazel and Cha-Cha attacked the house, and then while he was upset about the others knowing, he didn’t want to talk about it. As far as I recall (and again, might be wrong here) he didn’t talk about it until he was egged into it and got into an argument about how the others shouldn’t have left him alone. Which, okay. Admittedly, poor argument to make, given that the others left for a damn good reason and Luther should have left too. All the same, it’s not like he’s sitting there rubbing it in everyone’s face about ‘why are you upset? Dad sent me to the moon! Locking you in the mausoleum/soundproof rooms is nothing!’ He barely even seems to regard it as traumatic for a while, because he thinks there was a point.

Now, obviously everybody in that house went through hell as a kid, but none of them want to talk about that. This is not a family that is open with emotions, and Luther especially is removed from all of them with the arguable exception of Allison. Would it really have done anything if he had responded to the others by trying to have a sit down about their trauma instead of moving on with their life and bringing the conversation back to the moon (which again, at the time he thought might be a useful lead) so they could solve this mystery, stop the apocalypse, and never have to see each other or the House Of Horrors again?

Argument #3: Luther is self-absorbed and keeps forcing the idea that he is a leader and making decisions for others.

Yep. He does make decisions for others without their input. He often makes really stupid decisions. So does literally everybody else in the Academy. Five tries to solve the apocalypse by running off and handling shit on his own constantly and they’re halfway through the series before he thinks to involve anyone else in addressing the issue and solving it, much less mentioning the fact that the coming apocalypse is not a distant event, it’s happening in a week. Diego sees Grace sewing through her hand and turns her off without further discussion with the family. Allison’s entire power revolves around making decisions for and manipulating people into doing what she wants (ie, the Vanya incident which - again, I understand that she was four and didn’t know better and hell, maybe she forgot about it until Vanya brought it up, but aside from that, while she is trying to get better about it by not using her power anymore and that’s wonderful character development and I am by no means trying to undermine that, the point remains that she has the same capacity for manipulation and forceful decision making as any of the others.) About the only people who don’t and seemingly never have routinely taken the decisions of others away from them because ‘they know better’ are Ben (who is dead), Vanya (who thinks she’s ordinary until the end of the series), and Klaus (who nobody would listen to anyway because they view him as a junkie and he’s rarely in a state of mind to even make his own decisions). Even Pogo gets in on this by keeping all of Reginald’s secrets instead of being forthright and saying anything! Everybody in the Academy is really bad at decision making and constantly tries to tell the others how much they can or can’t handle.

Argument #4: Luther is self-absorbed and idolises their father too much to be a functional human being/is too busy pouting about their dad at the end of the series to be useful.

Luther Hargreeves is every bit as traumatised as each and every one of his siblings. He shows it very differently, though. Let’s look at it this way: Luther believed in their father until the day the old man died. He was with their father well past the others having left, leading to the incident where he almost died because he was trying to solo a mission that was impossible to solo. The others had years upon years upon years (in at least Five’s case, literal decades) to distance themselves from the trauma of their life and figure out a way to work through it and accept how awful their father was. Vanya wrote a book to get through it. Allison left it behind and didn’t look back. Klaus got into drugs. Diego became a vigilante. They all saw this mess and they left it, but we don’t know what that looked like in the moment, what even finally prompted them to officially give up. I’ve seen some hints that it was Ben’s death, which makes sense for some of it, but on the other hand whether it was Ben’s death that inspired the exodus or not, the fact remains that we don’t know what the other Academy members were like when they first left. Maybe Allison stopped talking to anyone for a while. Maybe Klaus just didn’t come home some time and three months later someone tried to bring him home and Klaus told them to fuck off. We don’t know.

When we see the Academy at the start of the series, it’s the first time any of them have seen each other in ages, and they are all still very screwed up and struggling to recover from their life and are incredibly dysfunctional as humans in general, never mind the undoubtedly complicated feelings they must have been going through about the entire situation of their Dad being dead now. For Luther, he actively still cared about their Dad and hadn’t left. He didn’t have that curtain of time to take the edge off of the loss, and then a week later he found out that it was all for nothing and Reginald Hargreeves was every bit the bastard his siblings had always claimed he was.

This puts Luther at a very, very different point in his progression of grief than the others are at. They’ve had time to adjust to the idea of their father being awful, but for Luther it is a fresh revelation that he absolutely cannot ignore anymore, and unlike the others, he doesn’t even have the option to bring it up to their father and get any kind of answers, because Reginald Hargreeves is dead. His claims that he wasn’t going to lead anymore, his running off to the rave to get high and get distracted, those are all probably similar things that the others went through when they hit that eureka moment about how much of a prick Reginald Hargreeves was. He’s grieving a lot of things, and he has an excuse to not be okay with everything.

Argument #5: Well, that’s Luther’s fault! He was a grown-up when he got sent to the moon. If the others left, so could he!

Here’s the thing: the kind of abuse the Hargreeves children went through has some serious impacts on a kid’s psychology. Speaking from research and experience here, when you have a parent that tells you you’re special, that you’re Number One, that you’re Important, you want to believe them. When it’s a parent like Reggie who shows no emotions and is unfailingly awful to his kids ‘for the greater good’, that only increases. Put yourself in Luther’s shoes for a moment here. His siblings, one by one, had left. He’s the only one his father still has. He’s Number One. He’s been told they’re saving the world. If he doesn’t stay and bear the load, what happens then? Who saves the world if all the heroes have left? He’s supposed to be the leader, and if the ones he’s supposed to be leading have left, well. That just means more effort is needed out of him.

When you want to believe that somebody has your best interest in mind, that they love you, you will make excuses for them. Everybody constantly will tell you that your parents love you and want what’s best for you, and if you truly believe that, you will make excuses for their behaviour, especially in situations like this. That’s why this kind of abuse is so awful: it puts the blame on the victim. Luther truly believed that there was a purpose to everything Reginald did, that making him Number One and pushing them to their limits had a reason, because your parents are supposed to be the ones you can trust and when they tell you something is for your own good as a kid, you adjust your worldview to reflect that perspective. It is hard as hell to break free from that.

The others managed to get out. They managed to see Reginald for what he was, and they left because they knew it wasn’t getting better. Luther couldn’t see that until the very end of the series, and he went down believing that everything their father did was done with the best of intentions because That’s What Leaders Do. They aren’t nice, they make the hard decisions nobody else wants to make. And that’s what Luther took away from everything: that he had to make the hard decisions to keep his family safe.

Argument #6: That doesn’t excuse him locking up Vanya!

No, it doesn’t. Locking up Vanya was a horrible choice. It was cruel, and terrible,  and exactly the sort of thing Reginald would have done. It was also not done to be vindictive or vengeful. It was done because he thought that was what he needed to do to keep the rest of his family safe. Keep in mind, when Luther sees Vanya for the first time, he has just found out she almost killed Allison losing control of her powers. When he chokes her out and locks her up, he is apologising the whole time because he genuinely is sorry. This is not him being vengeful, this is him making hard decisions because he thinks that’s what Number Ones are supposed to do. It is not a good decision, but it’s the only one that comes to mind for him in order to keep people safe when he already has a LOT on his mind (such as: Vanya having powers, Allison almost dying, the rave, the revelation that Reginald was in fact every bit the douchecanoe his siblings always said he was... Not exactly conducive for clear thinking, no?)

Argument #7: But he didn’t let her out when the others gave him other ideas either!

No, he didn’t. No, that wasn’t okay. Yes, that was awful. But again, he didn’t do it because he thought Vanya needed to sit where she was and think about what she’d done. He did it because he thought that this was safer. The others were suggesting they let Vanya out, but nobody made any suggestions on how to keep them all safe afterwards. At the time, Allison could barely move and had almost died. They were all emotionally screwed up. From his perspective, they were all either missing or at low power, and Vanya was freaking out in the cage - you know, kinda like how she was freaking out when she almost killed Allison? That said, I am ABSOLUTELY not blaming Vanya. I would freak the fuck out if I was locked in a cage too, especially if it was done by my brother who I thought I could trust and wanted to believe in. But while this was a fucking stupid and awful and horrible decision to make, I would like to return to my former point: if nobody else agreed with it, why was Allison the only one who even tried to do anything about Vanya being locked up?

Argument #8: But Luther caused the apocalpyse! He made Vanya the White Violin!

No. Like Five said, Vanya is the bomb. Leonard was the fuse. But there were a whole lot of other things that lit the match. If Luther had been the only person Vanya was mad at and the only one responsible for her situation, she would have only killed him. Instead, she wrecked the entire Academy and went for everyone outside of Allison. Let’s look at this in review:

- Allison Rumoured Vanya into thinking she was powerless as a kid. Granted, she has apologised for this and has been trying to be a better sister to Vanya. Hence, Vanya doesn’t intentionally attack her.

- Luther locked up Vanya and told her she was too dangerous to be let out. The only person Vanya actively saw trying to free her was Allison. Nobody else came back.

- Pogo lied to every one of the kids for Reginald Hargreeves. He kept his secrets, he perpetuated his lies. He knew about Vanya’s powers, and Allison’s role in hiding them, and he kept it to himself even when he knew better and didn’t reveal anything until it seemed like ‘a good time’, despite KNOWING how deeply the siblings trusted him over their father.

- Klaus threw away the contents of the box to go pawn it all, meaning that Leonard got hold of the book he used to train Vanya and screw her over.

- Leonard found Vanya, manipulated her, lied to her, and used her to enact his revenge fantasy against the Umbrella Academy and Reginald Hargreeves and all those other ‘Extraordinary People’ who made him feel like he was nothing, leading to Vanya feeling used and betrayed by the first person she has ever thought actually loved her for being herself, ordinary and all.

- Diego missed no opportunity to tell Vanya how little he valued her opinion or her presence, particularly in the first half of the season. At every given chance, he made sure to make jabs about her making a sequel, about how she didn’t get a vote until he decided her vote was useful. He loves her, yes, but he did not ever make her feel any more welcomed than the others did, and he certainly didn’t include her in the rest of their reindeer games as kids, either.

- Five, as stated, knew the apocalypse was coming. Rather than warning his siblings and trying to get them to come together to stop things, he spent the first several days trying to handle everything on his own, leaving a trail of corpses and problems in his wake while he tried to discover the owner of the eye and killed the assassins after him and then got shitfaced drunk when he hit a dead end and didn’t tell anyone what he saw until three days before the fact because he kept trying to handle it on his own and nobody else would understand.

Most importantly, above all others, there is Reginald.

Reginald Hargreeves was an absolute bastard. He abused his kids physically and emotionally. He neglected every one of them. He set them to fight each other, he set them up to go into situations which they were unprepared for, he set them up for ruin because ‘it was for the greater good’ and was never emotionally available to coax them through anything. He screwed over every single one of the kids, he was the mastermind behind Vanya being lied to and put on her medications and having her powers suppressed, he intentionally isolated her and made her feel worthless, he let nobody tell his secrets, and he was never straightforward or understanding or even marginally remorseful about any one thing he ever did in his life. He took seven kids and threw them in a house together and raised them to be extraordinary by his standards at the cost of their sanity and their emotional stability. He told them to be a team, and he made them each other’s enemies. That’s why the series starts with almost none of them being able to talk to each other, no connections between them, and all the other nuances of them being dead, addicted, disgraced, imprisoned, or otherwise isolated. These traumatised kids all grew up to be traumatised adults, and he is the reason.

The only person who is completely innocent of blame in terms of the apocalypse is Ben, because he was too dead to do anything about it. Even then, he did all he could - saving Diego, trying to get Klaus sobered up, fighting the guys at the theatre - but in the end, all of the siblings were too fucked up to work together and be an effective team. They all had a hand in what happened.

Now Luther is not a perfect person. He makes some stupid decisions. He makes some absolutely idiotic, cruel, inexcusable choices. But he is not an irredeemable person. He is in a different stage of his life and grieving journey than the others, and he is still reeling from trying to figure out who he is outside of the identity he was assigned as Number One. That doesn’t excuse his actions, but I’d say it makes them make a lot more sense. The apocalypse happened because Reginald Hargreeves screwed up seven superpowered kids and called it child-rearing, and now those kids are trying to fix the problem by going back to the start and rewriting the story. It didn’t happen just because Luther locked up Vanya and was grieving their dad.

[staliasjeronica]

Riverdale 3.13 Thoughts *Spoilers*

- Jughead sleeping through the aroma of food? Mmhmmm I don’t buy it.

- If you have to get baptized, at least make sure it’s for a CHURCH. Otherwise… Issa cult, Alice…

- VERONICA MY BABY!!! But didn’t she fucking move out of the Pembrooke? When the FUCK did she move back in?

- Honestly this Hiram shit needs to end. It’s so annoying and it’s been going on for so long that it’s getting so fucking boring. Like, give V another fucking storyline. Like, I don’t know, EXPLORING HER BISEXUALITY. EXPLORING HER CAREER AS FUCKING ANYTHING. She wanted to stick up to her father by not becoming a mob crime boss like him but now… fUCK JUST LET MY GIRL LIVE LIKE SHE WANTS TO.

- ARCHOSIE ❤️❤️❤️

-  “You are sweeter than a strawberry milkshake, Arch, but—” B I T C H THEY FUCKING OWN ME.

- What makes me sad though is we’ve never really seen Archie THIS happy? Like yeah he’s really really happy when he’s with Betty (and vise versa, she’s never as happy as she is with Archie) but like… he just radiates love and I just—my Barchie heart is cONFUSED

-  “Well, almost everything else.” Hi, yes, again… THEY OWN ME. “Yeah, well, don’t go messing up that pretty face, Andrews. It’s growing on me.”

- Although I feel so bad for Sweet Pea because Swosie broke up because Josie wanted to focus on her career and now she’s about to get into a relationship with Archie.

- Poor Betty, she sees her mother slipping into the cult more and more and she can’t do anything about it. But, to be fair, Betty, you have cut her out a lot too so hopefully after this stupid boring cult shit is over, you can actually get close with your mom again.

- Why are Swangs surprised they lost eight more to the Pretty Poisons? The South Side Serpents, until recently, made the women pole dance for ugly, disgusting old men to get in so like… I would have left, too.

- FANGS NEVER CALL JUGHEAD BOSS AGAIN EW

- Ignoring the fact of Jughead trying to use Toni to get his numbers back… Sweet Pea looks hella fucking good in that yellow shirt.

- I like how Archie and Tom are boxing together, it’s so sweet! But that boy needs to listen to him because he has more boxing knowledge but I know he ends up getting into a fight so what the fuck do I know 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

- I love Tom Keller and he needs more screen time goodbye

- If Veronica is against what her stupid father is doing… why not just give Gladys information on what he’s doing? Gladys is an annoying bitch too but she does have you and your mom under her command so like…

- fUCKING ELIO. HE’S SO ANNOYING GO AWAY.

- Archie… I try to protect you from the “Archie is so stupid” posts but you’re going up against this guy without realizing that there’s ulterior motives just because you want to feel powerful again. Please for the love of GOD find another way 😩😩😩

- Have to admit though, Elio’s good at manipulating… and his voice is kinda hot. And the actor is cute. BUT STILL ELIO CAN GO FUCK A DUCK

- But we all know Archie isn’t gonna let himself lose the fight lmao someone’s gonna tell him they’re excited to see him fight and he’ll wanna make them proud so now he’s going to get into trouble… did he just ask to get the money first? BABY THAT’S NOT HOW THAT SHIT WORKS.

- Veronica I love you, and I’m glad helping your family is still your goal, but last time you told him that he literally told you “no” and was being a big bitch about it.

- Oh poor Veronica… the look she gave her father when she realized he’d rather do illegal shit than legal, she looked so sad!!!

- “Make me queen” YES TONI TELL HIM. Betty does NOTHING for the Serpents, and this is Toni’s BIRTHRIGHT. She has always tried to get the Serpent dance outlawed because it’s sexist and stupid, but she never really needed a reason to lead—Jughead wasn’t a stupid little bitch, but now he’s ruining all that the Serpent’s are about so now she has every reason to becoming the leader of the Serpents.

- “You’re Cheryl’s vanity project, you mean” Jughead says as if he didn’t call out Betty in season one for viewing him as that as well lmaooooooooooooo

- She’s right though about the Serpents being a family. Jughead has ruined every good thing about it, and he NEEDS to give her her rightful place because he is a scrawny, annoying white little bitch and she is literally directly from the Uktena bloodline.

- It’s so obvious when Betty isn’t interested in something. She even did it with Jughead when he was complaining about the drive in being shut down. I don’t know how nobody seems to catch it but oh well nothing about Riverdale is realistic so what the fuck ever

- Cheryl teaching the Poisons to shoot a bow I’m—YES BITCH

- CHONI MY LOVESSS! I can’t tell whether I’m happy or sad about how Cheryl can immediately tell if Toni is off after kissing her. ALSO CHERYL CALLED TONI HER TREASURE GOODBYE

-  oh no I’m getting closer to the scene I’m going to despise with every fiber of my being… but also I know Cheryl is new to relationships and conversing with other people (I don’t know how to word it okay) but how does she get doing THAT out of Toni saying “I’M gonna put Jughead in his place” like??? CHERYL LET HER DO IT HERSELF :(((

- UGH OKAY HERE WE FUCKING GO.

- First of all… SWEET PEA NOR FANGS ARE SEXIST. I mean, of course right there in this scene they’re acting like it but we all know they aren’t? RAS and the writers were on major fucking crack apparently and just erased everything we know about these two sweet boys. Even Alex said that it was ooc! I’m so fucking pissed about it.

- But, also, Cheryl wasn’t doing that because they were being sexist. She went there because she was already planning on beating them up, which is an even bigger no and so ooc. Cheryl is more into fire, so instead she could have like burned down Jughead’s trailer instead of attacking Jughead’s lapdogs.

- THEY WERE SO HAPPY AND SHIT AND THEN MY POOR BOYS WERE ATTACKED. FANGS SAYING “HEY, WE DON’T WANT ANY TROUBLE” MAKES ME EVEN MORE MAD AND SAD

- But I gotta laugh at the nickname Peabrain… I’M SORRY OKAY ALL OF CHERYL’S DEMEANING NICKNAMES FOR OTHERS ARE SO FUNNY LEAVE ME ALONE

- DID GLADYS CALL MY BOYS JOKES BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T FIGHT BACK? This bitch…

- OHHH NOW I SEE WHY JUGHEAD WAS STUPID ENOUGH TO GRAB UP THE GHOULIES… HIS FUCKING MOTHER!!! But really do you expect SP and Fangs and the Ghoulies to get alone? MMMHMMMM OKAY AHAHA

- LIKE WHAT CHERYL DID WAS WRONG AND TONI’S VOICE WAS SO SEXY WITH THE “IS THAT CLEAR” BUT I JUST REALIZED THAT CHERYL IS ABOUT TO CRY I HATE REFLECTIONS

- FUCK YEAH JOSIE TELL HIM. I’m still peeved at what she did to Veronica for like no reason but like… I love her. I love her and Archie. They’re HEALTHY AND CUTE AND JUST—UGH!!!! My Barchie heart is once again screaming and confused

- “You’re worth more than that” It’s sad that we KNOW Betty would tell him this too but they never interact anymore :( I miss the cute window scenes that proved they were endgame sIGH

-  LMAO WAIT SO YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU’RE JUST NOW TELLING YOUR “BEST FRIEND” ABOUT YOUR MOTHER BEING IN A CULT, ABOUT THE FARM BEING A CULT? Bitch… this is why we all know Betty has no friends anymore. She’s too close to Jughead and has pretty much pushed everyone else away. Toxic relationships do that… just saying.

- Why did Betty have no emotion when she asked Kevin why he wasn’t going to help her? Like, when you get sad your eyebrows tend to either go down and in, or like slant up (I know I’m not making sense okay but just google pictures of sad people and you’ll see what I’m talking about) and your lip kinda puffs out but she just ._. ???

- It’s really really bad that he’s about to join the farm but he does have a point though she does see the bad in everybody…

-  The Ghoulies are crazy and you guys KNOW THIS. The G&G bitches are just wannabe cunts who are probably brainwashed or some shit. Stop changing what you know for your crooked mother you beanie baby

- “They just need someone to lead them—I can be that!” JUGHEAD YOU CAN BARELY RUN “YOUR” OWN GANG SKSKSKSKKSS WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN RUN THE GHOULIES TOO (also where the fuck is Malachai???) THE GHOULIES WOULD LEGIT TEAR YOU APART. Now that I think about it… let them come. They destroy Jughead and Sweet Pea and Fangs will leave. PERFECT

- FP KNOWS SHE’S STIRRING SHIT. Jughead has missed her, and doesn’t know her as well as FP does, so he’s more vulnerable to manipulation (even though he’s a dumbass in the first place), so hopefully FP stops this shit before its too late (but knowing Riverdale it’ll be too late)

- You know you COULD just give Toni her rightful place as Serpent Queen and everybody will come back and the Poisons in join as well, but you’re a stupid dumbass. Actually, I know Archie does stupid shit but at least he does it out of the good of his previously innocent heart… can Jughead take the dumbass title now?

- Lol The Lodge’s get to have dinner with their daughter’s future mother in law!

- SEE I TOLD YOU SOMEONE WOULD TELL ARCHIE IT WAS WRONG AND HE’D WANT TO TAKE IT BACK BUT HE FUCKING CAN’T. AND THEN HE’S GOING TO NOT DO WHAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO ANYWAYS AND THEN BE ON THE RUN AGAIN UGH

- Verne? I thought most of the Ghoulies despite Malachai were like ugly and shit but uhh…

- WHERE THE FUCK DID MALACHAI GO? WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?

- Damn well there goes my hope that that one clip from the trailer that looked like it was in a sewer was Joaquin who Swangs had actually helped save :(

-  I wanna know what fucking costume shop is selling those on-point gargoyle masks like—

- LMAO ONE LEADER TO ANOTHER oKaY jUgHeAd

- WAIT BITCH THAT’S JONATHAN WHITESELL I FUCKING LOVE HIM!!!! He’s so cute uGH FUCK. Next ep he drops my boy Fangs tho :(

- DID ANYONE NOTICE THAT JOAQUIN’S NAME IS CROSSED OUT IN THE BACK I’M—

- So since every word that seems to come out of Jughead’s mouth makes me want to fucking slap the shit out of him… how has nobody fucking went at him or even killed him like it’s just not realistic lmaoo

-  “You were right” mmhm Tom is going to be like “fuck… you’re so stupid but I like you so I’m going to help you” isn’t he

- YUP! We love a good father. Even tho his son is joining a cult because his second boyfriend left him.

-  HIRAM HAS NEVER WANTED VERONICA’S HELP HE’S JUST WANTED CONTROL OVER HER. I fucking hate this. I just want this crime boss shit OVER WITH. SEND HIRAM AND GLADYS AND EVERYBODY ELSE TO FUCKING JAIL

- That smile Hiram did… he so fucking knows Veronica and Gladys are working together lol

- Would the farm really bug phone calls? They’re not that big and cool are they? Like damn… okay…

-  Wow Jughead is actually shaken from that encounter… that struck me for some reason holy fuck

- I LEGIT JUST GOT SHIVERS AS BETTY WAS REALIZING HER MOM WAS ABOUT TO DO HER “BAPTISM” AND GOT UP OH MY GOD

- I feel so bad for Betty.

- Josie singing in the background while Archie fights? CINEMATIC EXCELLENCE!

-  But hasn’t Betty never been to the farm? How does she know where it is?

- ALSO TRACK QUEEN

- I know this isn’t the greatest time to say this while all of this is going on but the episodes are much better when Bughead isn’t together twenty four seven… just saying. Like this episode still was ehhh but like… it would have been much worse if Betty and Jughead were joined at the hip like always

- Josie showed up my hEART

- Alice Smith? THEY’RE REALLY STRIPPING HER AWAY FROM THE COOPER NAME HUH

- So like where are Polly’s babies tho lol

- So… Polly can help drag her out of the tub but not help or care that she just killed her mother? Okay. Makes total sense…

- THE WAY ARCHIE PICKED JOSIE UP I’M—

- Also people saying that it was all Veronica who wanted to fuck when they were hurt or whatever (at bad times)… Archie wanted this so now people can stop blaming Veronica thank you and goodbye

- Wow I actually feel really bad for Betty…

- BUT NO YOU CAN’T SELL THE HOUSE THEN WHERE WILL WE GET THE BEAUTIFUL BARCHIE WINDOW SCENES. Just marry FP already and have them move in oKAY

[minecraftdiarieswho]

A Study in Love & Fame || Chapter One || Celebrity AU

Title: Aperture

Character/s: Lucinda, Vylad, Aaron, Melissa

Summary: Aperture - an opening, hole, or gap - a space through which light passes in an optical or photographic instrument, especially the variable opening by which light enters a camera. The story Begins, Lucinda and Vylad have a common conversation.

A/N: And so it begins!

-

-

-

Vylad always thought Lucinda made the hallway before her office ridiculously long on purpose. It game people time to stew on what they’d done wrong as they did a walk of shame, or think about their proposal to her before they made it. It was both merciful and cunning, just like her. But Vylad wasn't performing the walk of shame, nor the nervous walk of small fish to the shark tank. No, he was waking to Lucinda's office so he could pick his friend up for after work drinks.

Lucinda and Vylad had been friends for a while now. Ever since Vylad had started working here, in fact. They had a relationship that just clicked, like a big scarf and the perfect jacket in cold weather. Lucinda called it the optimal example for gay/lesbian solidarity, and, while Vylad was inclined to agree, he thought his description was much better. Vylad was barely in the photography business when they met, although he still remembered that first meeting well.

-

Divine was the Fifth magazine company he went in for an interview with. The others before had all said the same thing;

“Your photos are good, but they're just not what just not what we're looking for.”

When he walked into Lucinda’s Office for the first time, it was an out of body experience, her desk was huge and made out of purple glass, and the window behind her overlooked the whole city. Her chair was black and plush, but perhaps the strangest thing was an antique bookcase in the corner, with two huge old ugly red armchairs in front of it. It didn't fit in with anything else in the room, and yet, felt so in place. As soon as Lucinda looked up, she spoke in a voice so dramatic it was obviously put on.

“Take a seat” She gestured to the armchairs.

Vylad sat down and Lucinda stood and joined him. She took his portfolio from him and looked through it, then eyed him over.

“These are nice,” She said, closing the binder. “Dynamic shots, good colour balance, you've got quite the eye. You know with your talent you could probably skip the runt stages and open up a gallery. Why do you want to work at Divine”?

Vylad took his folder back from her. “Well, If I’m honest Ms. Belvoir-”

Lucinda held her hand out to stop him. “Lucinda.”

“Lucinda?” he asked, confused.

“Yes. Lucinda. Ms. Belvoir is so… Gross? I don't know, Lucinda is just, Better. Okay?” she said, Nodding.

“Well okay, Lucinda,” Vylad Said, “If I’m Honest, I want to stay in the business. Photography interests me sure, but fame does as well, and I'm sure my mother would cry if I distanced myself from it completely, no matter how evident I've made it that I want no part in the family side of fame.”

Lucinda gave him a puzzled look. “Family side of fame? Hell does that mean?”

“The Ro’Meave Thing isn't a coincidence, My father really is the dickwad himself.” Said Vylad, almost wincing.

“Oh… OH! Wait… did you just call Garte Ro’Meave a Dickwad? My God,” She burst into giggles, losing her elegance that, up until now had been her most intimidating feature, completely.

Vylad couldn't help but catch her smile, it was infectious. And just like that, they were friends.

“You’re hired. It's obvious you've got the guts and the style. Welcome to Divine” Lucinda Reached out to shake his hand.

He took it.

-

He reached the end of the long hall and knocked on the office door.

“Come in~” Came Lucinda’s Cheerful voice.

Vylad opened the door and plopped down on one of the armchairs. “Hey Luci, how’s your day been?” he said, hint of sarcasm in his voice.

Lucinda smiled as she sat opposite him. “Oh you know, this and that, people to see places to go and all.” She beamed at him. “How about you, my bestest photographer?”

Vylad gave her a glare. “Well, I don't know Ms. Belvoir, but it was somebody's idea to send me all the way out to my father's company to take photos of the famed Ro’Meave brothers, and that meant I’d have to spend four hours in a car, and then an extra three waiting them out. So I’d say it went Great.”

“Well,” Said Lucinda, annoyingly happy grin still on her face, “Didya get the shots?”

Vylad rolled his eyes. “Yes. and a pigeon pooped on me.”

“Splendid! You really are my best.” She stood up. “So, we still on? Or did you walk all the way to my office to be sour?”

Vylad stood as well. “Mhm, Don’t you forget it. And yes. trust me, Luci, nobody would bother walking all the way up her just to sass you. It Just isn't worth the effort.”

“Good, that means it achieves its purpose. Let's go!”

Soon enough they arrived at the bar. It was the same dingy old thing they often visited after work, it wasn't falling apart by any means, but Vylad knew that Lucinda had access to every ritzy nightclub there was, so why she chose to frequent ‘The Moon's Curse’ was beyond him, but the bar felt homely. Old posters hang from the walls, yellow light streaming from odd places in the roof. The bar itself was cramped, and filled with more liquor than you could imagine, an obvious show of a years-old collection.

Lucinda strolled up to the bar with Vylad like she owned the place. An honestly, it was deserved, given how often they came here.

The Man behind the bar smiled as he saw them come in. “Well well, if it isn't my favourite customers. What’ll it be today guys?”

“Just the usual Aaron. A Caldron and a Blood Oath.” Said Lucinda, before pausing for a moment, “And tell Melissa back there that I said hi.” She added, Winking towards the kitchens out back.

Aaron rolled his eyes. “You guys aren't even dating anymore! Why can't I be spared from your relentless flirting.”

“Just because we broke it off doesn't mean we hate each other. Besides, we share a common goal in driving you mad.” Lucinda Shrugged.

Aaron chuckled, Shook his head and then got back to making their drinks. It was almost routine at this point, how they would come in, tease him, drink, talk, play darts and then leave. But that isn't to say Vylad found it boring. Quite the opposite actually, it was nice to have a regular thing with his friends.

Yeah. Vylad liked his friends, few as they were. He was always terrible at making friends, his father taught him that he should be better than everybody else, and while that rhetoric was easy enough to shake, the pressure to get perfect grades and do well in his extracurriculars put him in isolation. Vylad was learning piano as soon as he had a basic motor function, and many other instruments followed. So the only real friends he had were his band friends, and nobody else. Come high school, he’d immersed himself in the arts completely, with the exception of acting. Photography, Visual Arts, Music, and Band were where he thrived. And coincidentally, they were all subjects where you hardly talked to people. So maybe that had something to do with it, that, and the constant and stubborn refusal to make powerful connections because of his father.

Huh. Maybe Garte was the reason he never made friends. He was always being told to make powerful allies by his stepfather, and Vylad was the stubborn little kid who refused. He always refused. When his father offered to put him in a movie, Vylads answer was a firm no. He didn't want to take handouts from him, especially when they were made so he could keep up his image of loving Vylad despite his “Circumstance”. Honestly, if not being in a stupid movie was what it took for Garte to be outed as an egotistical lunatic who cared for nothing but his finance, then Vylad was more than happy to leave his families fame behind.

“Ey Vylad!” Came the familiar voice of Melissa.

“What is it, Mel?” He answered, snapping out of it.

“I heard the love of your life is in a new movie~. Luci Sending you to the Red Carpet?” She asked teasingly.

“Love of my life? I have no idea who you’re talking about.”

Aaron chimed in. “Bullshit you don’t, just yesterday you were fawning over Laurance Zvahl and how excited you were for this movie”

Lucinda snorted at Aarons comment. “He’s Right, And yeah. You’re going, I mean you get the best photos of him, better than anyone else at divine in fact. But I need you back that day as well, we've got Katelyn to shoot at Four and I want you there because we need your lighting skills”

“Really?! Thanks, Lucinda!” He Clasped her hands in his excitedly. “Oh yeah, and I'll be back by Four, don't worry about it.”

“Mhm, And he maintains the idea that he isn't absolutely smitten” Said Aaron.

Melissa giggled, and then her face fell a bit. “Hey, how is Katelyn anyway?”

Lucinda sighed and traced the rim of her glass. “She's doing fine. Heads above water and all that, there's no way she's plummeting into obscurity or anything… but paparazzi won't leave her be, and with Garte controlling all the stories except ours…”

“She's either a devil or she’s non-existent.” Vylad finished.

Aaron Winced “Rough”

Lucinda nodded. “Yeah.”

“But you guys are doing you’re best to keep her, that so sweet,” Melissa said, smiling at Vylad and Lucinda.

Lucinda shook her head and smiled. “Sweet has nothing to do with it, garte may have paid off everybody to fuck her over, but the public still likes her, especially those who hate Zane. We’re turning a profit from having her give us exclusives, and helping her out as a friend is just a huge bonus.”

“Ever the entrepreneur Luci” Vylad Laughed and Finished his drink. “But she's right, it really is Garte’s Loss.”

“Well alright, but give her my love ok?” Melissa walked over to the bar and took their glasses.

Lucinda Put a few notes on the table “Will do, thanks for the night, you guys.”

As they left the bar, Vylad thought about the jests at his expense.

Laurance.

As much as Vylad might deny it, he really was enamoured with him. Should it surprise anybody? After all, he was a celebrity. It was normal to like celebrities. Normal to crush on celebrities. Normal to want to date them and- oh god what was he thinking?! He was obsessed! Maybe that's why all of his friends tease him about it, and why Lucinda kept giving him assignments where Laurance was present. He did take the best photos of him, that was no secret. Something about him was just so… Inspiring. But it didn’t matter how huge his crush on the famous Mr. Zvahl was. Vylad was a realist at heart, and he knew that there was no possible future in which he actually met, let alone loved, Laurance Zvahl.

Yeah.

Impossible.

[polonkamelonka]

Taken - part 3

summary: The next thing I can remember I was sitting tied up on the floor in the back of the van. I had a black bag on my head, which prevented me from seeing anything. I was trying to move, but a leg stopped me. Leg was resting on my chest and the owner of it spoke up: "I wouldn't be moving if I was you."

words: 1306 ( ok so its getting better)

A/N: i cant decide if i like this chapter or not

"I could feel their eyes watching me and the every step I took. His words "I promise you will enjoy your time with us. More than you can imagine." were still in my head.

I couldn't understand the meaning behind them. I was clueless of what can happen to me or who would do this to me. I didn't knew where I was, who the guys that took me were. I was lost. I once watched a movie about what can happen in this situation and it was scaring the hell out of me. The more I thought about it, the more fragile I became.

The guy from the van still had a grip on my arm. That way he could lead me in the direction we needed to go. I was trying my best to pick any smells or noises but the eye patch was over my nose and ears, so it was kind of hard.

We were walking for about a minute, when his grip on me tightened. It was starting to hurt and not long after I felt another hand gripping on my right arm.

It was not a grip of scariness, it was more of a dominant grip. They were trying to tell me that now I'm theirs, even if I tried to escape I couldn't, they had me under control.

I felt uncomfortable between the two men. Well it was a weird uncomfortableness, I felt hot but the closeness was bothering me.

Nothing was happening, we were walking straight ahead, not turning left or right. Just straight. After a while the material of the floor changed. Before I couldn't hear any sounds of our steps, now the steps were well heard. It was like we were in some kind of garage. After what it felt like a year of silence a men behind me spoke up. "Does anybody know where the boss is, because he just texted me saying that the location changed." I could hear confusion and anger in his voice.

A loud "fuck" was heard on my right side. His voice was new to my ears. He didn't talk while I was with them. While he yelled in frustration his grip kind of loosed but just for a second. It was like he could read my mind. The guy on my left side stood still the whole time. Like he didn't dare to move. Something was telling me he was not the leader of this small group.

All of the men were angry inside but they couldn't do anything but return to the van and get the address of the new location. We turned on our heels and walked back. I was concentrating on my steps, I was counting them for evidence, when I felt someone's lips on my right ear. They belonged to the men who had a grip on my right arm.

When he sensed he got my attention, he spoke up: "You are a good girl for not screaming, maybe you will later get a reward from me, and well it depends how you will behave in the van. A reward can change to a punishment in a second, so be careful... Oh and I noticed your lips moving, so don't bother on counting the steps it won't help you." He spoke in whisper, but his voice was still something I couldn't get my mind around it. How can a voice be intense and seducing yet intimidating at the same time? And the way his lips subtly touched my ear had me immediately addicted. The whisper was not loud, but loud enough for everybody to hear it.

After he moved away from my ear, man in front of me spoke up in a chuckling voice: "Suga stop messing with Y/N. Look at her, you made her frustrated and probably wet just with your voice. You can do that later, so will you wait please."

Name Suga was the first name I heard from them. Not that it helped because it was obviously a code name, but it just made the situation more real. It was still hard for me to believe that I was really taken from my own home, I was being watched for a long time without even knowing. They probably saw the things I really want to forget but I never really will.

I was not and still aren't the good girl everybody thinks I am. I did a lot of things I am not proud of.

I would often snick out of the house in the middle of the night and went clubbing or just drink in general. Sometimes I would just hang with random groups I met on the street and we would mess with people and stuff. There was a lot to me that nobody knew, not even my closest friends. My parents didn't know, they found out eventually and it wasn't the perfect moment when they did.

They always thought I was a good girl, a girl that does the opposite of what she was really doing. Everybody saw me as a nerd. Having straight A's wasn't easy, but was worth it if that meant I could go out and be the me even I didn't know existed.

I often made up a personality just to suit the group I was in. It was easier, I got accepted quicker. And it suits you know? Being someone you can't be in front of people you see every day, it excites you, but on the bad side it makes you lose yourself.

A lot of times I couldn't remember the things the real me liked. I was so in to the characters I made up that I neglected the true me. When I needed to decide something I couldn't, because every part of me wanted different.

That was the lowest time of my life. I think I was 17 years old. I was still a straight A student but I wasn't talking to any of my family members, I buried myself in school work so I would forget about my problems just for a moment.

I thought I was alone, but in reality I was the one that pushed everyone out. But to see that, was harder to do than say.

I think that went for a year, till my parents dragged me to therapy, because they saw I clearly wasn't okay. I would occasionally scream and cry in my sleep. So I think that blew my cover.

I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. They told me that making a different personality every time I entered a new group, triggered the part of my brain that was sick. And then the rest happened.

I was in a mental hospital for a good year or less. But the time I was in there, is the time I will always want to forget. But I'm okay now, I think. This is a type of disease that when is triggered again, the things you pushed away start coming back. So I need to be in a complete control all the time.

I controlled myself fine before I got in to hands of those guys. Every minute I spent with them, made my hard work in a hospital just useless. I realized I was fucked. I couldn't take control of myself anymore, so they did it instead.

A/N: IDK it just happened don’t blame me 

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