#I talk so much about good omens help???
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The way Azirphale is underestimated and practically infantalized by heaven is so closely tied to his femininity and I think we should talk about it more because I just want to shout about how relatable the way he's treated in his workplace is as a woman working in a traditionally male field
It's in all the little niggling comments from your boss about personal things that hold no bearing on your work
and the assumption that what you're doing must be simple if it was assigned to you
your work is trivialized
and you get these the placating smiles when you're told plans and proposals are rejected and passed over
or when your complaints are dismissed
and you get more of the same from upper management
it all feels so frustrating and draining but you're at work so all you can do is take a breathe put on that mask and move on with your day
It is all so deteimental to your emotional well being and textually, so much of this is tied to Aziraphale's softness, his gayness - his femininity
The thing about working in an environment and gives you this feeling - of being simultaneously destrought watching your belief in yourself get chipped away but also just so irate becuase you know you don't deserve it - is how it builds. It sinks under your skin and feeds into this indignant dejection until you can have a moment of release - but Azirphale doesn't get to bitch about it over drinks with friends, he doesn't get a lunch break where he can go for a walk and listen to an angry scandi death metal playlist, he doesn't even get the chance to cry about it in the bathroom for 5 minutes before confronting it again
(And I talked a little bit about it in the tags of this beautiful photoset but this all comes into play whenever Crowley dismisses his plans or calls him an idiot. These are purely emotional reactions; I really don't think Crowley means much by it - he respects Aziraphale's opinion and genuinely thinks he's brilliant - but Crowley is so quick to use this terminology when Aziraphale is making a decision Crowley thinks is wrong and he doesn't know how much this hurts Aziraphale. Just like Aziraphale doesn't understand the true impact the Fall had on Crowley, Crowley doesn't understand the ways heaven has been tearing away at Aziraphale's self worth)
Aziraphale has been facing this constant drip of denigration since before the beginning of time and has never released the pressure valve. At this point, he's a bomb waiting to go off
#(I want to note that I am coming at this from my personal experience as a woman#but I know femme neurodivergent and disabled folks of all genders face these same issues)#along similar lines I have tons of feelings about how often Aziraphale hides his hands when talking to other angels#to hide his stimming#and look I try not to tie everything back to explaning why Aziraphale ended s2 the way he did but apparently I can't#its just the juiciest character moment to me#also thinking about how angry Crowley was at Gabriel when he was treated like this once#granted shut up and die already IS the worst thing Gabriel has said to Aziraphale but if Crowley knew how much of this was going on...#aziraphale#good omens#go2 spoilers#good omens meta#Thanks to folks who responded to my tags on that post because you really motivated me to find these screen caps#and finish this post which has been sitting in my drafts for ages#also sorry so many of gabriels faces are funny I cant help that jon hamm is comedy gold - i refuse to let it undermine my point
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enough of this "crowley used to be an archangel" shit. what if the only reason he managed to access classified heavenly files is cause when he was an angel he peeked at the passwords while his higher-ranking friends put them in. he did work with saraqael after all. what then. all i'm saying is that "they never change their passwords" is pretty interesting wordingggg
#good omens#i don't really like the idea that he was someone important in heaven honestly#like. if he was high-ranking why wasn't he informed that the universe he was helping build#was going to be shut down in 6000 years? why did he talk about how 'someone needs to put a note in the suggestion box'?#if he was an archangel surely he would know god's plans for the universe#and surely he could just. go to the metatron and thus god about it if he had something to say#the idea that he just peeked at the passwords is much funnier to me. got them from aziraphale or something#like. i know aziraphale's a principality not a throne or a dominion#but all angel hierarchies are confusing and contradictory#and good omens' system borrows from a number of different ones. it's not completely accurate to any of them#neil has done a breakdown of the good omens angel hierarchy before iirc#but he didn't include thrones or dominions#so as far as we know principalities COULD be above those!
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i think a not-insignificant amount of the heartbreak crowley’s feeling in the end is because he’s finally truly understanding that what’s happening with aziraphale (as he perceives it) isn’t something that he can save him from.
#good omens#good omens 2#spoilers#good omens 2 spoilers#like if there's truth in the coffee theory that'll be a whole other thing but if its all straightforward As Perceived#i do think that tracks and i do think that clicked#and there's something very real and painful about that idk#like you can't undo an entire existence of that manipulation and abuse and how much of aziraphale's sense of self is#wrapped up in it all. being an angel being Good serving a Purpose#crowley can give love and support and patience#be a sounding board and ask questions that help aziraphale step back from things and think sometimes#but that greater disconnect and that final realization of what heaven really is. he can't do that FOR aziraphale#aziraphale has to live and experience that on his own and finally actually let himself feel that#bc i think he's very good at not letting himself think about or feel those things even after being so crushed in s1#idk i feel a lot of religious trauma feelings about it i think it parallels that abusive relationship for a reason#like dont get me wrong the BULK of crowleys pain is from that interaction just generally and that rejection#but i think this also plays into it i think that perspective of someone who was thrown out and had the blinders removed#and having this interaction and realizing Oh. Oh there are still hooks deep into aziraphale there's this festering damage#Oh there's no amount of talk or hypotheticals that will sever the tether for him bc even after everything aziraphale BELIEVES. in heaven#as an institution. and idk man im just fascinated with that angle of it for crowley bc its like#SO complex
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omg coming back to this post I just saw someone post this picture of furfurs book or guide about angels, specifically aziraphales entry:
"Known Earthly Occupations: Bishop" [among others ofc]
he fucking IS ordained!!! and not only that, he can ordain other priests!!
this is so hilarious, aziraphale really went hmmm what if i decided how the church is run and just...got himself fully ordained, despite being a whole ass angel
how many licenses do you think aziraphale has? hes got one for possession of a firearm, and made them give him a test so he could get one to drive a car. what else has he done in order get a silly little slip of paper that says he can do something cool with a Human Invention? like i know hes a literal angel of heaven but do you think hes ordained
#good omens#do you think he saw a bishop doing an atrociously job at it and went#i can do better than that#and worked himself up to bishop status (with or without miraculous help) over some years#god just amusedly shaking her head at him#“this ones so silly i love him”#need to know what crowleys reaction was when aziraphale told him he was going to get ordained#“you what?”#“im going to get ordained!!”#“why???”#“those bishops in rome and the vatican dont know what heaven wants”#“they keep talking about smiting people who love each other”#okay ill stop now i just love this silly angel so much#silly and ORDAINED angel#wonder if he told gabriel about it
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longfully awaited; jacaerys velaryon
pairing: jacaerys velaryon x f!reader
summary: sequel to patience running thin. the wedding night.
word count: 2.2k
warnings: nsfw, 18+, smut, MINORS DNI, SWEET MARRIED JACEXREADER, nerves, oral (f receiving), fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, hair pulling (who wouldn't when his hair is that beautiful), some dirty talk, high valyrian used and i think that's it
a/n: the much anticipated sequel i am so sorry for the wait. i really hope everyone enjoys this!! (barely proofread i will go through it after work tomorrowww)
READ PART ONE HERE
“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that night.” You whispered to your now husband.
Your wedding ceremony had taken place at Aegon’s Garden at Dragonstone. It was just your parents and the Queen and Jacaerys’ little siblings. The day was full of love and there wasn’t one dark cloud in the sky. Your mother believed it to be a good omen for your future marriage.
The two of you were now at your wedding feast and you couldn’t help but think of the duties to take place once the two of you leave. You spoke to Rhaenyra before the wedding discussing your discomfort with the normal bedding ceremony. She immediately made sure nothing of the sort would take place.
Jacaerys smirked before responding into your ear. “Just a little bit longer, my sweet.” He grabbed your hand and rested them in your lap.
The two of you endured about another fifteen more drunk congratulations that had come your way before Jace rose and announced your departure to everyone. You stood joining him and bid farewell to all of your guests, bowing at your queen.
Jacaerys held your hand firmly as he guided you down the corridor to your newly shared bedchamber. You both were riddled with excitement. You two would finally be one together.
When you arrived Jace pressed you against the door, eager to feel you against him. He placed his lips upon yours in a fiery kiss.
The air in your lungs left you, making you dizzy.
Jacaerys was an all-consuming heat. His lips were hot almost searing. Your hands were tracing all over his clothed chest. You wanted to feel his warmth against you. You let out a moan against his lips. At that Jace moved his hand towards the door handle and the two of you stumbled in.
Jacaerys hands were gripping the back of your dress. “You do not know how long I have wanted this. How bad I have needed this.”
“I could probably take a guess, Husband.” You lifted your head up and smiled at him, getting just a tad bit closer to him. Close enough for him to smell your intoxicating scent.
He placed his hands on your cheeks, dropping his head down, reconnecting your lips. He deepened your kiss. You parted your lips allowing his tongue to slip in and glide across yours. He moved his hands to the back of your dress. He was desperately trying to remove the article of clothing that was keeping your full beauty away from him.
Jace began to tug your corset strings free. Being as impatient as he is, he tore open the back of your dress.
You gasped against his open mouth. Your dress slid past your shoulders and fell, pooling at the bottom of your feet. You felt goosebumps litter your body when a particularly cold breeze flew through your window.
Jace’s eyes fell down to your now hardened buds. He couldn’t help but reach his hand out, letting his thumb graze the side before his hand slid down your waist. “Mmm. They are perfect. You are perfect.” Jacaerys took in your bare beauty. He could not believe himself to be so lucky to be wed to you.
You could melt at his words. His voice like silk. “You are wearing too much clothing, Husband.” Your hands scrambled to undress his top half. Jacaerys groaned at the term Husband. He never thought hearing you say that would make ignite the way it did. His hand shuffled down to rid himself of his pants.
Your eyes slowly glazed over his body. Taking in everything about him. The cut of his abs. Then they landed upon his cock. You had spoken to your mother about the whole… marital act. However, you weren’t quite sure how this wouldn’t cause you pain, you blanched at the thought.
Jacaerys took note of your expression. He pulled you closer to him so that all the two of you could see were each other’s faces. No need to stress over the act. “My love. You do not need to worry. I will take care of you.” He placed a kiss on your soft swollen lips.
“B-but, I do no-,” You stammered.
“Do you trust me?” His eyes stared into yours with such intensity. All you could do was swallow your words and nod. He kissed you again, “Good.”
You both stepped outside of the pile of clothes that were now surrounding you on the floor. Jacaerys guided you to the side of the bed. You both climbed in with Jacaerys hovering over you. He placed soft kisses all over your face. He bent his head down towards your ear and whispered to you how beautiful you are. His words and actions made your heart flutter and that familiar burn in your stomach start to churn.
“I wish to learn all about your body. Wish to touch you. All of you. Every square inch of your body.” He began to pepper kisses all along you. Down your neck. Across your chest, leaving fleeting kisses on your nipples, causing you to arch your back against him.
You ran your fingers through his hair, lifting his head slightly. “We have our whole lives for that Jacaerys. Please. I need you. I have needed you for so long.”
“Very well, My wife.” He kissed your forehead before he moved down, coming to a halt right in front of your heat. “However you can not deny me this.”
Jace’s face was burrowed into your cunt in seconds. You gasped as he tested the waters. He was licking and sucking every part of your cunt, listening to your responses. He licked a stripe from your entrance to your clit that had you shuddering. Jacaerys had a skillful tongue. Whether that be negotiating with vassals or in the martial bed.
You ran your fingers through his curls and gripped with all your might. “Jacaerys,” You moaned.
At the sound of your pleasure, he slipped a finger inside of your warmth. He groaned against your clit feeling your tightness. It made his dick twitch, but he ignored it. His focus was on you right now. Making sure you were comfortable and ready for him.
Jace continued to pump his finger into you. He didn’t add another finger till your juices were dripping down his palm. He hummed against your clit as he coaxed sweet moans out of you with his fingers. They were rubbing against the inside of your walls so nicely.
You felt yourself reaching dangerously close to your peak. You started to grind your core against Jacaerys tongue. He stilled himself allowing you to use him to reach your climax. Your face was contorted struggling to come.
Jacaerys, whose eyes were staring at you observing your face closely, closed his mouth over your clit and began to suck. As you continued to fuck yourself on his fingers, you felt your orgasm run through your body in a hot wave of pleasure that covered your whole body.
After your climax, your hips continued to grind down onto his fingers. They were still inside you, stretching you to perfection for him. He knew you needed him. He could feel how needy you were for him. Once wasn’t enough and it never would be for you. You could see yourself being victim to his pleasure for as long as you both shall please.
“That was so good my love,” Jacaerys said as he went to hover over you. His fingers never left your heat pumping into you slowly. Your juices from your orgasm created a squelching sound, which embarrassed you just a bit.
You turned your head from him as he entered your space. The scent of your arousal was strong on his face.
“You shouldn’t be embarrassed. This is something so beautiful. You do not have to shy away from it, my wife. We are doing our marital duty.” He laid his lips upon yours in a hot wet kiss. You could taste yourself on his tongue and lips. Jacaerys kissed down the side of your cheek to your neck. He sucked on the patch of skin right below your ear.
Your legs spread even wider for him. Accepting him in between your thighs. He regrettably removed his fingers from your sopping cunt. The both of you gasped when he leaned forward, his cock slid through your folds, the tip swiping your clit.
“Fuck,” Jacaerys rasped in your ear. He knew after feeling your slick heat against his cock that he was ruined. Laying with you was going to knock his world off its axis. “Do you feel ready to take me, my sweet?”
Your mother had informed you how horseback riding helps breakdown the barrier within you which should help ease the pain. But the uncertainty still ran through your body making you tense. “As ready as I believe I can be.”
Jace kissed the side of your ear. “Just relax. I got you.” He whispered.
His sweet words melt into your bed. You two were skin-to-skin. Completely bare. Jacaerys lined himself up to your entrance. He then moved his hand from around himself to rub his thumb along the side of your stomach, trying to calm you from the intrusion. He lifted himself on his unoccupied arm. He wanted to stare into your eyes as he entered you for the first time.
Jacaerys mouth fell agape when the tip of his cock finally breached through your entrance. Thanks to Your Husband, he slid into you with almost no resistance. Your warm wet walls inviting him in. “Fuck, ao issi vok.” You are perfect.
“Oh, gods.” You mewled once you felt him in you completely.
“Look at me, My Wife.”
Your eyes met his but only for a short second. He began to thrust into you and you squeezed your eyes shut. The stretch of his hard cock was a bit much. All of your other senses were drowned out by the overwhelming feeling of lust and pleasure. All you could feel was the push and pull of him inside of you.
“You feel so good.” He helped ease you around his cock before he spoke again. “Please try, my love. Look me in the eyes while I fuck you”
Your eyes shot open at his words. He dropped his forehead to yours and kept a slow pace. Little whimpers and whines left your mouth. Your eyebrows furrowed at the pleasure you were now receiving. Your eyes never left the princes usually hazel eyes. Which were now filled with lust.
“That’s my girl.” He felt you clamp down around him and he let out an unkingly sound. He knew you were close. Your heat was pulling him deeper inside of you. You were getting wetter with each thrust.
“Jacaerys.” You warned
“Oh, I love the way you moan my name. Fuck, I’m not going to last much longer.” Jace removed his head from yours and nestled it into your neck. You two were emitting such a lovely scent. It pleased his nose and made his body feel like molten lava. It made him want to ravish you and spill his seed inside of you.
He moved his hips to a slight angle so that every time he entered you, he hit that sweet spot deep within your heat.
“Jace! Fuck. Right there.” Your hands were everywhere on him. Scratching down his back. Running your fingers through his beautiful brown locs.
“Nyke gīmigon. Fuck, nyke gīmigon.” He growled against your neck in High Valyrian. I know. Fuck, I know.
Jace needed you to come before him. He was feeling so much pleasure. His hand never would compare to this. If he came before you he might faint before you get the chance to finish. He brought one hand down to rub your sensitive bud at the same time he began to suck the flesh of your neck.
“Jacaerys! Oh, Gods!” You screamed into your hot chambers. You were overcome with pleasure. You began to tremble under your husband.
Jacaerys was quick to follow behind you. Spilling his seed with one last hard thrust. “Fuck.”
Jace waited till you both came down from your highs to pull his limp cock out of you. You winced and he hissed at the feeling. Jacaerys got out of bed and brought a cloth to clean the both of you. Once he had finished and kissed you everywhere he could reach and he got you both under the covers.
You rested your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. He laid there running his hand up and down your arm. “I could lay like this forever, with you by my side.”
“I could not ask for a better side to be mushed upon, My Future King.” You beamed at your husband.
Jacaerys chucked. “I love you, My Future Queen.”
“Avy jorrāelan tolī, Valzȳrys.” I love you more, Husband.
Jace’s eyes widened. That was the first time you had ever spoken High Valyrian. You sounded lovely. He looked at you as if you had just mounted a Dragon. Bewildered and all the more in love.
“I have been practicing with Your Mother. She wishes for me to learn your language just as much as you do. She is a wonderful teacher.” You spoke kindly about your new mother-in-law.
He couldn’t think of anything else but to kiss you before sleep took the both of you.
#jacaerys velaryon#house of the dragon#jacaerys velaryon x reader#jacaerys velaryon smut#jacaerys x reader#jacaerys targaryen#jacaerys targaryen smut#prince jacaerys#hotd jacaerys
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HELLO MR GAIMAN MY SCHOOL IS HAVING A CAREERS TALK AND I AM MEANT TO ASK SOMEONE ABOUT THEIR CAREER.
UNFORTUNATELY, EVERYONE I KNOW IS A DOCTOR (WELL NOT REALLY UNFORTUNATELY, BUT IN THE GRAND SCOPE OF CAREER FAIR THINGS. I WANT TO PRESENT A JOB THAT WOULD INSPIRE THOSE WHO ARE INVESTED IN WRITING AND DIFFER FROM OTHERS). WOULD YOU PLEASE MIND ANSWERING THESE QUESTIONS FOR ME? THANK YOU SO MUCH, KING. YOU ARE AMAZING AND I ADMIRE YOUR WORK GREATLY.
(I WOULD GOOGLE THIS INFO BUT APPARENTLY I'M MEANT TO ASK YOU THIS YOURSELF.)
What is your job title?
Do you work for a company? If so, which one?
What does your job involve on a daily basis?
Do you have qualifications directly related to this job?
What has been your career path?
Did you do A levels at school? If so, were they directly relevant to your career path?
Did you go to university? If so, what did you study? Was your degree relevant to your current job?
Any tips to those unsure about their own career paths?
Thank you so so much !!!!!! You are an icon and I must thank you for writing the graveyard book, which helped my imagination as a kid a lot, and also in general. You are wonderful !!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you once more <3
What is your job title? Author and (currently on strike) showrunner. Also, Professor in the Arts at Bard College.
Do you work for a company? If so, which one? As a showrunner I work for Amazon Prime and Netflix, as an Author I work for myself and companies publish what I write. As a professor for Bard College.
What does your job involve on a daily basis? Writing. Right now, being on strike.
Do you have qualifications directly related to this job? Nope.
What has been your career path? Freelance journalist, to writer of books and comics and television and films. Since 2017 I've been showrunner of Good Omens as well.
Did you do A levels at school? If so, were they directly relevant to your career path? I never did.
Did you go to university? If so, what did you study? Was your degree relevant to your current job? I didn't.
Any tips to those unsure about their own career paths? Have an idea of what you want to do and keep heading towards that goal.
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jealousy (valorant x reader)
[ chamber, gekko, sova, omen x gn!reader ] — in which valorant men get a little jealous
tw: jealous and a little overprotectiveness but they’re (mostly) healthy about it. a little cursing for some flavor. random guy flirts with you in chamber's but hes not creepy about it. different guy is also creepy in omen's but its not talked about in detail. chamber makes a sexual joke in his.
CHAMBER ━━━
hot take: he’s so protective at all times idc idc
but he hides it so so well
he’s absolutely enamored by you, there’s no denying that. that’s only half the reason why he tries to show you off so much though
the other reason is because that means he is showing you off as his. he’s staking his claim on you in his own odd little way, but it works and neither of you mind it too much
━━━━━━
“are you sure this shirt doesn’t make me look weird?” you asked, tugging at the material.
as much as you loved it, you couldn’t quite tell me if it was ‘you.’ you stepped out of the changing room of the store you were in and into the hallway, where chamber sat patiently waiting. he loved a fashion show if it was yours, after all.
he pretended to inspect it thoroughly, leaning forward in his chair and narrowing his eyes.
before he could answer, however, a different voice sounded out. it came from the door next to yours, where a different man had walked into the hallway to look at his own clothes.
“it looks good,” he spoke, smirk creeping its way onto his face. “but i imagine you’d look good in anything, huh?”
both you and chamber sat still and quiet for a few beats, as if registering what had just happened. the line was well delivered, but seriously? could he not tell that you were with chamber?
“well,” chamber spoke loudly. “they do look good in anything. and in nothing. we could see how you look when the shirt is on our bedroom floor, how’s that, ma cheri?”
you attempted to ignore the warmth that rose in your face, but failed. again, you were stunned. the opposing man blanched and retreated back to his changing room, where he quickly shut the door.
“come now, love. i think a thousand dollars in one shopping trip is enough, no? or should we stop by one more store?” chamber was overly loud once again.
and lying through his teeth, as well — you’d come to retrieve a single shirt for an event. that said, you couldn’t help but laugh as the occupant of changing room next to yours fumbled over himself, apparently knocked something down, and released a string of curses.
he didn’t have to know chamber was lying, and you didn’t have to know chamber was lying because he knew he’d earn a laugh from you.
GEKKO ━━━
gekko has like. a normal amount of jealousy?
he’ll bite back the small senses of it whenever you’re giving another guy a little more attention that he would like you to
or he’ll politely explain to you that he doesn’t really like you doing something because of how it makes him feel and you’ll talk it through
not because he doesn’t trust you, he just needs that extra little reassurance
if you’re willing to give up doing something to give him that peace of mind? all the better. if not? he can work on it, no questions asked.
overall 10/10 v good communication skills i love him
━━━━━━
you could tell that gekko was uneasy. from the way his nails picked at his fingers and the constant bouncing of his knee, to the avoidance of eye contact and the way his speech was quiet and mumbled, gekko’s demeanor screamed something was wrong.
you watched him carefully as you sat back down at the table. again, his eyes didn’t move from the place they were locked onto.
a few moments passed as you thought of what could have been wrong. the two of you were at some company party, with loud music coming through the speakers and an unholy amount of people piled into the room. everyone was dressed formally in either dresses or suits, their makeup done perfectly and not a hair out of place.
maybe that’s what was wrong. perhaps the music was too loud or his suit was too tight.
“mateo?” you had to yell over the music, despite wanting your voice to be soft as you spoke to him.
he finally looked up to you, soft eyes scanning your face. he didn’t speak, but he hummed to acknowledge you audibly.
“is everything alright? you seem a little off.”
the question seemed to stun him for a few moments as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and looked back down to the table. after a deep breath, he finally answered. “i just felt a little… i dunno. saying i was jealous feels a little funny, but there was this guy earlier you were talking to? he was kinda tall, darker hair. and uh- anyway, you went to grab a drink and he seemed to be really funny i guess. you didn’t stop laughing the entire time you were talking and before you left he kissed your cheek.”
you thought about it for a second, trying to recall the interaction, before you let out something like a laugh.
“he’s from mexico, he told me it was a common thing there? i dunno. i’ve known him since i joined the protocol.” you said, smiling at him. “it’s nothing, but if you don’t like it i’ll tell him next time. i highly doubt there’s gonna be any hard feelings about it on his end. is that alright?”
he nodded, sending you a soft smile. his face had relaxed significantly in the past few minutes. "thank you, amor."
SOVA ━━━
he rarely gets jealous,, he thinks
he has a hard time exactly placing the emotion, and it’s mostly shrouded in protectiveness more than anything
he loves you, he knows you love him, and there is not a doubt that trickles into his mind
…..for the most part, anyway
there is the occasional time when that warmth spreads in his chest and the overwhelming urge to take you under his wing spawns, only to realize you aren’t in any danger
so why does he feel the need to protect you?
━━━━━━
sova had never had any ill-will toward phoenix. the two of them weren't particularly close, but they had worked and lived together for long enough that they were closer than one might expect.
maybe thats why sova agreed to play games with he and a few others the other night. they played stupid ice-breaker games, despite mostly having known each other for years. a few embarrassing stories of his friends' youth were shared, including the time jett ate brownies without knowing weed was baked in, and the time raze got caught sneaking out in her teens.
at some point, sova was asked who he had feelings for. it was the late hours of the night, and you had long since passed out on the couch next to him. he'll never figure out how you slept through the laughing and talking, but you did. without saying a word, sova had smiled softly and nodded over to you.
there were a few gasps, and then there was the laughing and cheering of a few others. phoenix held out his hand, to which jett passed him twenty bucks with a disgrunted face. evidently, they had had a bet about his feelings.
little did he know that telling them--phoenix, in particular--about his feelings toward you would go on to be one of the worst decisions he could have made.
ever since that night, phoenix had made it his goal to flirt with you as much as he possibly could when sova was around. he would send the russian a wink and a smile after every interaction with you, driving the stake deeper. though you thought he was just being friendly and joking around, the interactions never failed to spark a sick feeling in his gut.
and currently, he was almost at his limit.
he was normally fairly calm, but his patience with phoenix had been run thin over the past few weeks and the interaction between you two was getting a little too close for his comfort. not that he had some sort of claim over you; you weren't dating, so why did he have this feeling?
"could you hand me my water?" you asked from your spot on the couch. you gestured to the bottle of water placed in front of phoenix, who was sitting beside you.
he watched as phoenix took your hand and brought it gently up to his lips, planting a kiss on your knuckles. "anything for you, my love." his voice was dripping with sultry as he spoke.
in a few quick steps, sova got up and grabbed the bottle before phoenix could. he stepped around the coffee table and handed you the bottle, sending a glare over to phoenix when he stepped away. the other man raised his hands in mock defense and leaned back into the couch. with a sly smile, he positioned his arm around the back of the couch and pulled you into his side. you laughed, but didn't push away.
"ok, fine." sova finally spoke. he had been glaring daggers at you and phoenix for the better part of two hours, and you couldn't figure out why. "what the hell is it for, phoenix? why are you doing this?"
you leaned up from where you were leaned against the man in question. "doing what?"
phoenix smiled impossibly wider and leaned forward. "yeah, doing what?"
sova grumbled. he huffed and took a moment to collect himself. "leave, y/n." he looked at you and his eyes softened. "please."
despite the look he sent you, you weren't leaving. you crossed your arms in defiance and glared. phoenix's hand came up to rub your back.
"that!" sova finally spoke again. this wasn't how he wanted to confess to you, but so be it. "i told you weeks ago that i had feelings for y/n and you have since made it your life's mission to flirt with them. you don't have the same feelings for them, so why? what do you gain?"
phoenix, painfully calmly, got up and walked to the other side of the room. "for one, you finally confessed. don't have to deal with your 'longing gazes' anymore. secondly, jett now owes me twenty more bucks."
OMEN ━━━
omen would like to pride himself in the fact that he was rarely jealous.
insecure? sure. a little self-depreciating? of course.
but jealous just wasn’t him. as much as he was dissatisfied with himself, he had full trust in you.
however, that didn’t stop the rare inkling of a feeling that you truly would be better off with someone else, especially when they flirt, and even more so when you don’t notice
━━━━━━
one more time. that was all it was going to take.
just one more time for that guy to slide his hand up your arm, one more stupid joke to roll off of his tongue, one more laugh from you. omen knew he didn't exactly initiate physical touch all that often, but that doesn't mean he dislikes it. he would kill right now to have that be him, for you to be so close to him, for you to be laughing at his every word like you were laughing at that guy's.
he had told you that he would come with you to grab some supplies. a kingdom worker had been at the facility at the time, however, and the two of you seemed to be getting along perfectly well. to hell with the company you had asked from omen, he supposes.
and of course there it was again, his arm coming up to rest gently on your back as he guided you down another hallway. omen was a few steps behind the two of you, not that either one of you seemed to be paying him any mind.
fine. he could go back to his room.
his disappeared into a cloud of smoke, materializing again in the darkness of his own room. the events of the last thirty or so minutes replayed in his mind, a taunting loop of your smile as you looked at the man responsible for it. its not that he hated seeing you smile -- he loved it. but it was a different thing entirely when you smiled so big because of a man he could never be. maybe in another life, but not now.
the thoughts swirled in his head for what felt like hours. it was likely barely half an hour in reality, being that it took fifteen minutes alone to get up to his room from where the two of you had been before and likely another few to finish your work.
finally, a knock on the door of his room regained his attention.
"come in." he spoke, not looking away from the ceiling tile he'd been fixed on.
"what the hell is wrong with you?" you asked, clearly angry.
the phantom sat up, looking over to you incredulously. "what?"
"why the hell would you leave?"
"wasn't interested in watching him flirt with you." he was curt, as always.
"oh, yeah," you said dramatically. you were walking over to him now, standing in front of him. "because i was enjoying it so much. loved it even more when my boyfriend got tired and left me alone with him."
oh. that makes more sense than you blatantly hitting on him in front of your own boyfriend.
"really? sure seemed to find him so funny."
"because what am i supposed to do? tell him that he's not funny and to shut up?"
"you could have told him not to touch you."
"i did! and you didn't see me brushing his hand away and walking faster so he wouldn't rest his hand on my back? or were you too busy wallowing?"
the reality of this set in on him suddenly. he really had been too caught up in his own mind to realize what was happening. he had left you in an uncomfortable situation all because he was too stubborn to listen to what was actually happening.
"i'm sorry." he finally spoke.
"its okay," you sighed, and crawled your way into his bed. "i'll file a report or something later. we deserve a nap."
#valorant x reader#chamber x reader#gekko x reader#sova x reader#omen x reader#chamber x you#chamber x y/n#gekko x you#gekko x y/n#sova x you#sova x y/n#omen x you#omen x y/n#valorant x you#valorant x y/n#valorant headcanons#chamber headcanons#gekko headcanons#sova headcanons#omen headcanons
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“the pinky blue bits”
do you ever think Aziraphale watches the sunset
the cotton candy sky
and is just reminded of a certain starmaker and the time they made the stars together
#this the shit i was talking about#good omens brainrot#like faint echos#of a time before earth was ever created#it is just a fraction of that reflected beauty#and he can’t help but smile to himself as he thinks about how nothing has changed from all those years ago#he would rather keep seeing the whole beauty that is crowley#than whatever fraction that angel left behind#because crowley is just so much more
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The Iron Throne
Summary: Y/N is afraid that the Iron Throne will spurn her due to her parentage, Aegon disagrees. Aegon Targaryen x Velaryon(Strong)!Reader
18+ ONLY MDNI Targcest, Smut, Oral (F receiveing)
Y/N and Aegon speak freely when they are alone, about the weight of her duties and what he, as her husband, might do to help shoulder them. Lately the topic has been a simpler one, Y/N’s fear of the Iron Throne and how she dreads the day she must eventually sit it.
“What of it frightens you, sweet girl?” Aegon wonders, watching her pace at the foot of their bed.
“That it will spurn me, because I am unworthy.” Y/N admits.
Aegon hums. “You are worthy. Come, I will show you.”
“Now?” Y/N chokes out.
“Yes, my love there is no one there.” Not in the middle of the night.
She hesitates, wringing her hands. “You know what I am.”
“My wife,” Aegon reminds her, “my future Queen.”
Y/N sighs, holding out a hand. Allowing him to lead her down to the empty throne room, demanding the guards provide no one entrance until they are finished.
The throne looms, like a dark omen over the room. Though Aegon does not seem to notice, walking his wife towards it and turning her to face him.
“Gods, you are beautiful.” He remarks, brushing dark hair over her shoulders. “Made to be worshipped, made to be Queen.”
Y/N smiles, pressing a kiss to his lips, “you’re one to talk.”
Aegon rests a hand against the tiny swell of the abdomen. “That’s how we got here a fifth time, hmmm?”
“It’ll be an even six, no doubt.”
“Or seven,” Aegon’s eyes come alight with mischief. “Then of course, it’d have to be eight.”
“Why stop at eight when we could have ten?”
“You’re stalling,” Aegon wags a finger at her. “Sit down for me, nice and slow.”
Y/N stops breathing all together as she takes her place on the throne.
“Good girl,” he coos.
Y/N inhales, sharply.
“Just as I said, nothing has happened.”
“I want to get off now.”
“Not until you’re comfortable.”
“Please, Aegon.” She whines.
“I will never let anything or anyone hurt you,” Aegon leans forward, pressing a kiss to her lips. “I’m going to help you get over your fear of this silly chair.”
“How?” Y/N wonders.
“By feasting on your pretty cunt as you sit upon it, and each time you take to this throne, you will think of my mouth.”
She catches his face in her hands, “you cannot.”
“I must, my dearest love.” Aegon hushes her, “what kind of husband would I be if I allow you to walk around with such fear?”
Y/N swallows.
“Be good.” He affords her a reassuring smile before kneeling at her feet. Pressing a sweet kiss to the swell of her belly, the child has finally made their presence known. “Lift your hips for me.”
Y/N obeys, allowing him to slide her small clothes down to her ankles.
Her nightgown remains perfectly placed, with Aegon sliding up beneath her skirts. Applying gentle pressure to her knees until they part.
He groans, inhaling the familiar scent of her. “You are heavenly.” His tongue flicks over her cunt in practiced strokes.
His hair is hidden beneath her dress, nothing for her to cling to and the distance between them becomes too much to bear.
“I want your hand,” she chokes out.
“Yes, my Queen.” Aegon purrs, slightly muffled beneath the fabric. He slides one hand away from her trembling thigh to find hers, lacing their fingers together. “I live only to serve you.”
Her free hand curls around the arm rest, of its own volition. Her skin pristine and unscathed by the metal.
By then she’s relaxed enough that Aegon eases her legs farther apart, bending them up and over the arms of the chair. Slipping two fingers into her slick cunt.
“Aegon.”
He hums, in acknowledgement. Sometimes his sweet girl wishes to say his name just because she loves him. Because he’s pleasing her so well.
Lost in her passion, she scarcely notices the way her body is draped over the throne of swords with abandon. She is safe and loved…all she’s ever hoped to be.
Aegon redoubles his efforts, bringing her to peak. Covering his tongue and fingers with her slick, meeting her pearl with little kitten licks, until she squirms. Pushing against his head in protest, with one final kiss to her pulsing cunt, he pulls his mouth away. Curling his fingers against the spongy part of her inner walls as he stands, looming over her.
Her perfect lips agape, dark brows pulled together. “Fuck.”
“If you could see yourself now, my dearest love.” Aegon groans, “the smallfolk would line up at the foot of this throne, by the thousands for a chance to please you.”
“I only want you.”
Aegon’s eyes soften. He’s allowed one man to fuck her, so could hold her face in his hands and watch her features contort without distraction.
She took his cock well, for which Aegon praised her, though she could not find release until Aegon’s own fingers brushed her pearl. The same way he can cum for his ladies, but never as long or hard as he does for her.
Fucking is nice, something to do whilst he’s bored and craving excitement. Love making is more than that, something he only ever had the desire to do with her.
“How do you want me?”
“Inside me,” Y/N pants.
Aegon chuckles, “I meant to ask if you are comfortable? Or shall I bend you over the throne?”
“Over the throne,” she nods. “Or you could sit and I could ride your cock.”
Aegon mulls it over, “as much as I’d love you to sink down on me, I have no fear of this chair. You do, so up you go, turn around for me.” He withdraws his fingers, sucking them clean.
To his surprise she kneels, resting her cheek against the seat of the throne, with her arms folded over her head.
“I thought we might stand, my darling.”
“I cannot stand.” She whimpers, “I need your cock.”
“Needy thing.” Aegon kneels behind her, lifting her skirts once more and freeing himself from his sleep clothes. He slides into her with ease, he was made to be there. Leaning forward to place his arms beneath her, allowing her sweet face to rest against his skin rather than the cool metal swords. “I love you endlessly.”
She nods, “I love you.”
“You are worthy of this throne, you are worthy of the crown, and to rule.” Aegon feels her cunt flutter with the beginnings of her peak. “Y/N Targaryen, first of her name. Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men. Lady of the Seven Kingdoms and protector of the realm.”
#house of the dragon#aegon targaryen x you#aegon targaryen x reader#hotd smut#aegon targaryen#hotd aegon#aegon targaryen smut#aegon smut#aegon ii#aegon imagine
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On how much Aziraphale has learned since season one:
This is about character development. Inside of a story, everything that happens, happens for a reason. It's meant to tell you something, to teach you or the character of your story, something.
So if the story continues and your character repeats the same mistakes again you know that they are bound to be doomed this time, and even worse the audience is going to certainly lose respect for them, cause they have made the same mistake twice, they haven't learned anything, they're gonna do it again another time, they don't deserve a happy ending. (yes I'm talking about good omens here) So you don't do that to a character that matters to you and you respect even the tiniest bit.
A Lot of us here are thinking that this is what has happened to Aziraphale's character at the end of season two, that he has done it again, repeated the same mistake again and has left Crowley to join heaven and it's been because of reasons like wanting to change Crowley (not true, see this post), still believing in heaven's goodness (not true at all), not being on the same page with Crowley (I'm gonna talk about this one especially in this post) and such likes. But these are the things he should've known better about after 6000 years and all the events that we've learnt about especially throughout season two. (It seems to be rather the whole point doesn't it?)
But we all seem to rather believe that he's made that mistake again nonetheless. so what we're doing here is trying to find reasons to justify the mistake and somehow make the reason behind the wrong actions something relatable to ourselves so we can forgive him when the time comes.
In fact I don't believe that he's made a mistake. for Aziraphale's character to be redeemable, what he has done, must be the only option that he's had for saving them both. I don't care what kind of situation could have resulted in him making this decision, but the only reason, the one and only reason, must be his love for Crowley. Otherwise it'll prove that he hasn't learnt his lessons or doesn't love Crowley enough to make a compromise, and in both cases, he's not worthy of love. He won't earn his happy ending by being tortured and feeling sorry and doing the apology dance for Crowley if he's hurt Crowley out of selfishness and stupidity again
But I'm sure he'll earn his happy ending and I'm sure he's learnt his lessons and it's too late for him to have unlearned them all in a matter of a few seconds. (He is an idiot but he's not stupid) and it's mostly because of this, that I believe the reason why he made that decision, must be very different from what it appears to be on the surface.
Anyway, this post is about what Aziraphale has learned and how he's changed.
I have made a post about their moments of conflict from both season one and two, it's here and you can look it up. This is where you begin to understand how Aziraphale has changed since season one because these are his dialogues after he's had a fight with Crowley in the bandstand, season one:
"even if I did know where the antichrist was I wouldn't tell you we're on opposite sides"
"friends? We're not friends. We are an angel and a demon. We have nothing whatsoever in common. I don't even like you"
"there is no our side Crowley. Not anymore. It's over"
And then there's season two, when they disagree on what to do with Gabriel, Aziraphale is the one to point out that they both rely on the life they've built together
He's asking him to help him take care of Gabriel together and in response Crowley leaves
In the final scene he asks Crowley to come back to heaven
"work with me" "We can be together as Angels, Doing good" "I need you."
He says anything he can think of literally to convince him to stay with him and it doesn't work
We start from "we're not friends" and arrive at "work with me. we can be together"
Even if we don't know the reason why he's insisting on taking Crowley back to heaven with him, this is an Angel that has picked up the pace. That wants them to be an us. No matter what.
But these are only a few dialogues. I think there's more than that. I think the show in five and a half episodes (out of six) has tried its hardest to make the point quite clear about how Aziraphale feels about Crowley (or how strongly he feels those emotions). all through the way he looks at him and through his gestures and soft touches from time to time
I'm gonna make another post of those moments separately and I'm gonna link it to this when I do.
update: (here's the post. not just average moments of Aziraphale looking cute, it's something about the way he looks at him)
And I'd like to even compare those wishful glances to some of those from season one, but I can't, cause they are nonexistent in there.
#remember season two is a test of faith guys#we're the job in this one#neil liked this#good omens#good omens 2#gos2 spoilers#good omens spoilers#gos2#good omens season 2#aziraphale#crowley#ineffable husbands#aziracrow#gomens#gomens 2#neil gaiman#good omens season 2 spoilers#good omens season two#good omens thoughts#good omens analysis#good omens meta#gos2 theory
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This is what happens when you're raised by TV and trained in literary analysis
Beyond the crushing heartbreak of that finale, one thing in particular has stuck with me when I look at it in the context of S2 as a whole.
He lays out their relationship, "We're a team, a group. A group of the two of us. And we've spent our existence pretending that we aren't."
He then turns his head away and says, "I mean, the last few years, not really."
He pauses here, facing the interior of the bookshop. Really looks it up and down.
Turns back, "And I would like to spend" before choking on his words and looks toward the window. He can't finish saying something like "And I would like to spend eternity with you" because that's too much, too fast, for both of them.
But it's that "last few years" bit that has firmly lodged itself in my very broken brain.
According to Gaiman, it's been "a few years" since the end of Season 1. Armageddon has been averted. Heaven and Hell have reluctantly retreated. Crowley and Aziraphale have been effectively cut loose from their "sides," leaving them to form their own side.
So at the start of Season 2, we get a glimpse of the “fragile existence” they have carved out for themselves. To me, the biggest difference that we see is how they exist together in front of others. Going to the coffee shop, the pub, and the other shops along the street that Aziraphale has lived on for over 200 years. And don’t forget how they act in front of Nina, Maggie, and sweet, dim Muriel.
At the coffee shop, Aziraphale stammers a bit when Nina asks who Crowley is, but he still seems to have affection in his voice when he says, "We go back a long time."
Compared to Shakespearian "He's not my friend! We've never met before. We don't know each other!" panic, this is an incredible difference.
Of course, each time, Crowley is cool and cheeky and does nothing to indicate that they aren't a pair. Though, of course, he does deny it when Nina asks about Aziraphale being his side piece. “He’s not my bit on the side! He’s far too pure of heart to be anyone’s bit on the side.” And refers to him as an “Angel [swallows]I know.”
When they go the pub, Crowley's joy at doing something together in public that they do not normally do is super cute, including his cheeky order for Aziraphale's sherry. Then, when bringing the drinks over to the socially trapped Aziraphale, he greets Mr. Brown with a truly adorable, "Hello" and a signature DT smile. Then upon hearing how “excited” Mr. Fell is to host the meeting, he looks down and says, “Oh? You astonish me.” while Aziraphale sips his sherry and squirms.
We also watch as Crowley follows Aziraphale as he goes to each shop and talks to the owners about the meeting/secret ball. In theory, Crowley has no reason to tag along, and he certainly doesn’t help sway anyone who doesn’t want to/can’t go. He goofs around at the magic shop. He splays out on the bench, chin on hand, looking for all the world a husband waiting for his wife to pick out a dress at the department store. They are so married it’s ridiculous.
Finally, their behavior in front of Muriel while inside their sanctuary. Crowley sits on the arm of Aziraphale’s chair, somehow looking supremely comfortable on the old-fashioned furniture. He folds up those gloriously long limbs and presses himself as close as possible.
He smiles and plays along with Aziraphale’s coaching of Muriel in her disguise. Calls him Angel and asks to speak in private. And at the end, during the awful wait while Aziraphale talks with The Metatron, Crowley cleans up the shop and tells Muriel that he and Aziraphale will need some “us” time after all this. No beating around the bush.
Without oversight, they can be openly together and happy. But Heaven just can’t let that happen.
#good omens#good omens 2#crowley x aziraphale#crowley#aziraphale#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#david tennant#michael sheen#ineffable divorce#thank you for coming to my ted talk#putting my useless degree to “good” use#I'm not overly invested in these two at all#why can't we have nice things#heaven and hell are toxic af#come on aziraphale#crowley doesn't need to be an angel again#just love him as he is away from that nonsense#good omens meta#The last few years
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A Diviner's Guide to James Potter: Series Masterlist
(ongoing) - read on ao3
Description: Being friends with Lily Evans was difficult when you were head over heels for her ex-boyfriend, James. Your problems are only made worse when you begin receiving strange omens that point to a less than desirable future.
Genre: Friends to lovers, slow burn (I mean it!), fluff & angst.
Rating: Teen (swearing, alcohol/weed/cigarettes, no smut). More detailed warnings for the whole fic can be found on Chapter One.
Series Word Count (so far): 92.2k
+:。.。.。:+*+:。.。.。:+*+:。.♡.。:+*+:。.。.。:+*+:。.。.。+
Chapter One: The Omen
You tell your friends about your odd findings while working on your most recent Divination assignment, all while trying to push away your growing feelings for James.
Chapter Two: The Heart Wants What it Wants
Answers to your predicament are few and far between when Sirius gets a letter from his parents and the Gryffindor quidditch team receives some excellent news.
Chapter Three: Wicked and Wayward
Gryffindor plays Hufflepuff in the fourth match of the season, complete with an eventful after party.
Chapter Four: Paranoid
Hogsmeade is fun, but not when Sirius dangles a dangerous secret right in front of your nose.
Chapter Five: The Blizzard
A late winter storm buries Hogwarts in piles of snow, causing James to grow increasingly restless. It also blows in a much needed answer.
Chapter Six: Portraits Talk
Sirius attempts to quell your anger, though the pressure of acting aloof threatens to topple you.
Chapter Seven: Communing with Nature
You receive another omen which points to nothing good, though James is always there to help ease your mind.
Chapter Eight: The Duel
Mulciber becomes a looming threat to you and your friends, only increasing your existing anxieties.
Chapter Nine: Red and Gold
Old insecurities are brought to the surface, but James attempts to reassure you with the promise of a fun weekend.
Chapter Ten: Scurrilous Scoundrel
A night of firewhiskey, dancing, and racing hearts is unfortunately cut short when you stumble across eerie meeting.
Chapter Eleven: The Hour Struck Nine
Tensions between you and James run high when you, Peter, and Marlene return to the RoR.
Chapter Twelve: Discontent
After nearly seven years, you finally make it into Dumbledore’s office, though this does little to ease your growing nerves, especially when it comes to James.
Chapter Thirteen: A Lovely Shade of Turquoise
James forces you to talk about what happened, opening up a can of worms you wish you could charm back in.
Chapter Fourteen: The Stars Can Speak
After your fight with James, you're left entirely unsure how to act. However, your friends, and the stars, have some (un)helpful suggestions.
Chapter Fifteen: Repairo
Two diverging paths are presented to you: avoidance or intuition. Which one will you choose?
Chapter Sixteen: The Chaste Moon
The full moon comes just before Easter, fostering a time of rebirth and renewal…among other things.
Chapter Seventeen: An Invitation
You and the others search for answers regarding the return of your nefarious classmates.
Chapter Eighteen: Coming Soon!
•-—✼.o○☆———☆○o.✼.o○☆———☆○o.✼—-•
Antique book cover credits:
The Deer-Parks and Paddocks of England by Joseph Whitaker, Captain Courtesy by Edward Childs Carpenter & Goldfish Varieties and Tropical Aquarium Fishes; a Complete Guide to Aquaria and Related Subjects by William T. Innes
#figured I’d make a separate masterlist#Should have done this at the beginning but not making masterlists seems like a common theme with me#james potter x reader#james potter/reader#james potter x you#james potter x fem!reader#james potter#marauders era#james potter fanfiction#james potter fluff#james potter series#marauders fandom
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Picture Myself Happy
Pairing: Dean Winchester x reader
Summary: Follows the story line of episodes 17-21 of season 5. Lisa doesn't exist, instead it's (Y/N).
Warnings: canon violence, cursing, use of pet names. SMUT, oral (F and M receiving), unprotected sex (P in V), face sitting, light dirty talk.
"Dean? You okay?" you asked softly.
The look he gave you more than answered your question, but he responded anyway. "I'm about as far from okay as I possibly can be."
"I think we all are."
Dean shook his head. "My decisions have an impact on the entire world, (Y/N)--the world! And I'm sitting here denying fate. Where's that gotten me?"
"What are you trying to say?" you asked softly.
He buried his head in his hands. "I don't know...It doesn't matter."
"It matters to me."
Dean looked back up at you, face full of pain. You were certain he was going to say more, but his reply was cut off by Sam's voice calling his name.
"We've got an insane amount of demon omens in some tiny ass town in middle-of-nowhere Minnesota."
"Great," Dean mumbled as he stood up, face once again an impenetrable mask. "Guess we should get rolling."
You stood up too, but Dean cut you a look and shook his head. "Not happening."
"Dean, come on. I'm more than ready."
"Absolutely not. You almost died not that long ago. You need to rest."
"I've been resting for weeks. I feel fine," you insisted.
"Maybe she's right, Dean," Sam cut in. "We could really use the help."
"I'm the oldest and I say it ain't happening--got it?"
"Actually, I'm the oldest," Bobby quipped as he wheeled into the room. "Now, what exactly are we fighting about?"
"(Y/N) thinks she's ready to hunt again," Dean answered.
"Because I am."
Bobby's expression softened as he looked at you. "As much as I hate to say it, I think you should sit this one out (Y/N/N). Besides, I could really use your help here. You're better at research than either of these knuckleheads."
You were about to protest, but decided against it when you saw the worry in Bobby's eyes. He'd always been good to you and you owed him your life--you didn't wanna worry him more than you needed to. "Alright, alright. I'll sit this one out."
Dean nodded, seemingly pleased. "I'll call you when we get there--let you know we're safe."
You sighed, but nodded your agreement. You hated watching the boys leave to go on a hunt on their own--especially these days. End of the world and all that.
You watched in silence as Sam and Dean gathered their minimal belongings and piled into the Impala. You waved goodbye before coming back inside, expression clouded with a variety of inexpressible emotions.
The last two years had been a whirlwind for all of you--drawing all of you closer together. You cared very deeply for the Winchester boys and for Bobby, and they cared for you.
You were the same age as Sam, so the two of you hit it off with ease, but the elder Winchester was a little less trusting. The fact that Bobby trusted you meant a hell of a lot to Dean and went a long way in getting him to trust you enough to help on a couple hunts. You were a great hunter and before long, the three of you were almost inseparable.
You counted all three men as family and you knew they felt the same way about you, although you wished Dean's emotions aligned with your own. You weren't sure exactly when it happened, but you realized your feelings had changed one day during a particularly brutal hunt where you almost lost Dean. Somehow, in the midst of the shitstorm that was your lives, you'd managed to fall in love with the most emotionally unavailable man alive.
To make matters worse, you could never tell him for fear of damaging the little family unit you'd created for yourself. Instead, you stood on the sidelines, watching him flirt with every woman with legs and take more of them to bed than you'd cared to count. It made your chest ache, but you hid it well--even from Sam.
Loving Dean Winchester had never been a part of your plans, but you couldn't stop it from happening anymore than you could turn those feelings off now. Every time he walked out the door, you were terrified it would be the last time you would ever see him. You knew he was strong, but you also knew how self-destructive he could be.
He'd been different in recent months and you saw it more than anyone else did. For some reason, Dean chose to confide in you--perhaps because you listened quietly without judgment. You wanted nothing more than to see him find his way back to himself again and you hoped you were there to witness it.
"You gonna come back in or just stare off into the distance all night?" Bobby called to you from inside.
"I'm coming, I'm coming," you grumbled. "I was just lost in thought."
Bobby gave you a knowing look, which you chose to ignore. "Don't you have some research you need help with?"
He rolled his eyes, but didn't comment. He handed you a book and muttered, "Get to reading."
**********
"Dean's gone."
"What the hell do you mean he's gone?" you yelled into the phone.
"I mean he literally took off, (Y/N)!" Sam yelled back. "He killed the Whore of Babylon--which should have been impossible--and then he took off!"
"He...Sam, that's not possible."
"I was there--saw it with my own eyes."
"I, too, was there," Cas said in the background.
"Only a true servant of heaven can kill her," you said, bewildered.
"Exactly," Sam said, voice much softer than before.
"No," you whispered, disbelief lacing your words. "No--he wouldn't."
Sam understood your meaning. "I don't know anymore, (Y/N). I just don't know."
"We have to find him."
"I have a few ideas of where to find him, but I know he's going to come see you first."
"Why me?"
"To say goodbye," Sam said softly.
Your eyes fluttered closed and you could feel tears pressing against them. "I'll call you if he shows up here," you whispered.
Bobby rolled up behind you as you hung up the phone. "What's wrong?"
"I think Dean's going to say yes to Michael."
Bobby's expression perfectly matched the way you were feeling. A mixture of horror, disbelief, pain, and unbridled terror.
There wasn't much more to say after that--you were both just left to wait. There was nothing left for you to do but wait and see if he'd come home.
**********
The next day, there was a quiet knock on Bobby's front door. It was early in the morning and the older man was sound asleep in the middle of a pile of books on his desk.
You went to the door and peered out to find Dean's face looking back at you. You tugged open the door with more force than you'd intended to and stepped out onto the porch.
"Where have you been?" you snapped. "We were so worried."
"I'm sorry, (Y/N)--I should have called."
"Yes, you should have."
"I--uh, well I can't stay long, but I wanted to come see you."
"Dean, please tell me you're not going to do anything stupid."
He smiled weakly. "Now when have I ever done anything stupid?"
You didn't acknowledge his teasing like you normally would--too worried about the truth hidden behind his sarcasm. "You can't say yes," you whispered.
He gave you a pained smile. "I don't really have a choice, (Y/N/N)."
"Of course you have a choice, Dean! We always have a choice."
"If I don't--the whole freaking world burns! Do you have any idea what it's like to carry that weight on your shoulders?"
You shook your head. "I can't imagine the burden--nor can I imagine losing you to some asshole with wings."
He chuckled softly at that. "None of this matters right now--this isn't what I came here to say."
"Then what did you come here to say?"
He stepped forward and took your hand in his. You were surprised by the gesture, but you didn't pull away.
"You know, our lives are messed up. They're complicated and full of pain and darkness and death. There's not much happiness in our lives--especially not before you came into mine."
Tears filled your eyes as you listened to his words.
"When I picture myself happy, it's with you," he whispered. "I just wanted you to know that."
You inhaled sharply and the tears began to flow freely. "Dean, don't--"
He brushed his lips against your forehead, silencing your pleas.
"Don't worry, (Y/N/N). You'll be fine--I'll make sure of it. They're not getting what they want from me without meeting some conditions first."
"Dean, please don't do this. Just come inside and we can talk about it," you begged.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart," he said softly. "I have to."
As you opened your mouth to respond, Castiel appeared directly behind Dean. You knew there was a possibility he would never forgive you for this, but you couldn't let him say yes. "I'm sorry too."
He looked confused for a moment until he heard Cas's voice from behind him. "Hello Dean." As soon as the hunter turned around, Cas used his grace to knock him unconscious.
Cas looked up at you with a surprising amount of sorrow on his face. "I will carry him inside."
You watched as the angel picked up the much larger man and walked towards the door.
"Did Bobby call you?"
"He overheard at least part of your conversation--enough to know Dean was here."
You nodded and followed him inside. "Good," you whispered.
**********
"Out of all people, I thought you would understand," Dean growled at you.
"You know what? I do understand! I understand your desire to self-destruct at every turn! I see the pain and the guilt and the utter emptiness inside you every time I look into your eyes, so don't you think for a second I don't understand."
He was taken aback by the anger in your voice--he wasn't used to you yelling at him with such intensity.
"It's for the greater good!"
"Screw the greater good, Dean! What happened to stopping the devil and saving the world, huh?"
"This is the only way!" he roared.
"I refuse to believe that," you said in a much more mannered tone. "I can't believe that...if I do, then it means everything we've done has been for nothing."
His expression softened. "No, (Y/N), wait--that's not--"
You held up your hand to stop him from talking. "I can't do this."
You walked away, leaving Dean alone in the panic room to stew with his thoughts.
"He still being an ass?" Bobby asked when you came back upstairs.
"Maybe you'll have better luck," you say to Cas. Both you and Sam had struck out.
"I will try." Instead of taking the stairs like a normal person, Cas zapped himself downstairs and stepped towards the panic room.
You had gone upstairs to get something from your room when you heard Sam yell your name. You came racing down the stairs, only to find the younger Winchester looking upset.
"Where's Cas?"
"Zapped to Oz," Sam fumed. "Dean's gone too."
"Great," you mumbled sarcastically. "Go find him. We'll watch Adam."
You were sitting in a chair, watching Adam sleep--in the least creepy way possible. You felt bad for the kid--it was a shitty life to be dragged into, especially after he was already in heaven.
Just as these thoughts were crossing your mind, Adam disappeared right before your eyes. You blinked a couple times, but the cot remained empty. "Bobby!"
**********
"What the hell do you mean he's gone?" Sam snapped at you.
"As I said before, he literally disappeared," you snapped back.
"Probably Zachariah," Castiel said as he appeared, holding a beaten Dean against his side.
"Dean!" you gasped. "What happened to him?"
"I did," Cas answered.
You were surprised, but you understood the angel's anger. After all, he'd believed in the Winchesters--in Dean--so vehemently that he rebelled against heaven--against everything he'd ever believed.
Cas tossed Dean's body onto the now-empty cot while you gathered some first aid supplies. You began to clean him up, listening wordlessly to the discussion happening around you.
"I think Dean should come," Sam said suddenly.
"Are you insane?" Bobby exclaimed.
"That is a terrible plan," Cas agreed.
Sam looked over at you for input, hoping you would be on his side. "What makes you think that's a good idea?" you asked gently.
"I have to believe he'll do the right thing."
You looked down at the still-unconscious man and sighed. He was the bravest and most loyal man you knew, but you also knew he could be stubborn and self-righteous to the point of aggravation. However, you believed in him too--maybe not as much as Sam, but it was there.
"I think it's highly likely he'll walk in there and say yes without a second thought--especially if it means saving you and Adam," you said honestly. "But I have to believe that in the moment, when it really matters, he'll do the right thing."
Sam gave you a small smile and a nod of gratitude.
"Now until then, could someone please move him down to the panic room?" you asked.
After Sam had talked to Dean and told him the plan, the two of them came upstairs to prepare to leave.
"Sam mentioned you agreed with him," Dean said softly, so only you could hear.
"There's no one I believe in more than you, Dean Winchester," you admitted. "You'll do the right thing."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because I know you," you said simply.
He shook his head. "I'm gonna say yes, you know."
"I'm sure you will," you murmured. "But in that moment--the moments before you decide--I want you to remember one thing."
He waited breathlessly for your next words.
"Only you get to decide your destiny."
Surprise lit up his handsome face. Out of all the things he'd expected you to say, that hadn't been on his list. "(Y/N), I--"
"Time to go, Dean," Cas interrupted.
You offered him a gentle smile. "Go--and remember what I said."
Sam, Dean, and Cas disappeared before your eyes and you felt the familiar terror wash over you. This time was so much worse than all the others--this time you really did believe he might not come home.
**********
"Hey (Y/N/N)," Dean said softly as you opened the front door. "Did you miss us?"
The brightest smile he'd ever seen lit up your face and you jumped into his arms. "Dean..." you murmured against his shoulder.
He held you tightly before gently setting you back down on the ground. You gave Sam a hug before the smile fell from your pretty face. "Cas? Adam?"
Sam just shook his head and you sighed sadly. "Well come in. Bobby will be glad to see you both."
The boys explained what had transpired in California as you and Bobby listened quietly. You were glad Dean hadn't really said yes to Michael. You couldn't help but stare at him more than usual, eyes seeking some kind of change in him.
You waited until a lull in the conversation to ask the question that had been eating at you. "So why didn't you say yes?"
Three sets of eyes fell on you, but the only ones you cared about were the mossy green ones.
"Sammy believed in me, even when I didn't deserve it--even when I didn't have the same faith in him. He was stupid enough to take me with him because of that faith...I couldn't let him down," Dean answered honestly. "And, well--I remembered what you said."
You offered him a small smile. "Well I'm glad you did."
Dean held up his beer in a mock 'cheers'. "Screw destiny. I think it's high past time we make our own."
"I can get behind that," Sam agreed.
"That'll work for me," you murmured.
"Well not to put a damper on our middle-finger-to-destiny party, but we still don't have a good plan to defeat Lucifer," Bobby chimed in.
"Buzz kill, Bobby," Dean grumbled.
"We'll figure something out. Somehow, we always do," you added.
**********
You were standing in Bobby's living room trying to find a specific book in the overwhelming piles stacked everywhere, when your phone started to ring.
You answered it without looking at the caller ID. "(Y/L/N)."
"Uhh, am I in trouble? It's Dean."
"Oh shit," you said quickly. "No, nothing like that. I just didn't look at the screen before I answered. What's up?"
"We hit some sort of freak storm coming back, so we're staying the night at a motel we happened to pass. I just wanted to let you know so you wouldn't worry."
You smiled even though he couldn't see you. "I appreciate the heads-up. Both of you stay safe and enjoy a nice night off."
"Thanks, (Y/N/N). You too."
It wasn't until Sam and Dean returned from the trip the next day that you learned of the events that had transpired the night before. Several old Pagan gods had gathered at the motel to discuss the end of the world and of course Sam and Dean just happened to be there too.
Apparently the intent was to use the boys as bait to lure Lucifer to the hotel and kill him--at least until Gabriel showed up and told everyone how terrible of an idea it was. Unfortunately, Lucifer had already been summoned by one of the gods and he ended up killing most of the other gods, as well as his brother Gabriel.
In positive news, Gabriel had given Sam and Dean the information needed to stop this whole showdown between Lucifer and Michael. Essentially, they needed all four Horsemen's rings in order to open Lucifer's cage and throw him back into it.
"Small problem with that plan," Bobby stated as the boys finished their explanation. "We only have two rings and we have exactly zero idea where Pestilence or Death is."
"You always manage to find the silver lining, Bobby," Dean said sarcastically.
"He is right though," you said gently. "And it's technically not the only problem. Even if we magically find the other two rings, we still have one very large problem. How the hell do we trick the devil back into the cage?"
"Shit," Dean mumbled. "I hadn't exactly thought that far ahead."
"That's why you have me."
"I guess (Y/N) and I will work on a way to trick the devil, while the two of you look for Pestilence," Bobby stated with a tone of finality.
**********
"This is an absolutely terrible idea," you said angrily. "Out of all the harebrained schemes you idiots have come up with over the years, this one takes the cake. Not only is he a demon, but he screwed us once already. Do you really think working with him is a good idea?"
Dean sighed and ran his hands over his face. "I don't like it anymore than you do, (Y/N/N), but he's the only lead we have."
"Besides, I'm completely trustworthy," Crowley commented as he appeared in Bobby's kitchen. "Well, at least as long as our interests are aligned."
"Fine, but the two of you aren't going alone with him," you said firmly.
"(Y/N), we'll be fine. You should stay here with Bobby."
"I don't need a damn babysitter, Dean," Bobby snapped. "(Y/N)'s better off with the two of you idjits--at least she'll make sure you don't come home dead."
You gave Dean a mirthless smirk and he grumbled in annoyance. "Fine."
"Nice digs," you said sarcastically as Crowley led you to the ramshackle house he'd been staying in.
"No need to be rude," he said in annoyance.
"Okay, what's the plan?" Sam asked.
"The plan, Moose, is for you and the girl to stay here, while Dean and I go to get the Horsemen's stable boy."
"Absolutely not!" you and Sam yelled at the same time.
"I'm not letting my brother go alone with you," Sam added.
"And I'm not letting you come with me," Crowley snapped back. "First of all, you keep trying to kill me, and secondly, I don't like you."
"Fair enough, but why do I have to stay behind?" you asked.
"Someone has to make sure little Sammy here doesn't do anything stupid."
Sam lunged for Crowley again, but you stepped in front of him, effectively blocking his assault. "Cool it, Sam."
Dean sighed, clearly not pleased with the whole situation, but you could see the resignation on his face. You knew what he was going to say before the words even came out of his mouth. "I'll go with Crowley. You two stay here."
"Dean--" you began.
"I'll be fine, (Y/N)."
It was your turn to sigh and nod in quiet acceptance. You looked at Crowley. "If he's not back in one piece, I will hunt you down and rip your heart out."
Crowley threw his hands up in mock surrender. "Understood."
You and Sam watched the two other men walk out the door, concern etched onto both of your faces.
"I don't like this," Sam muttered.
"Well that makes two of us."
"What did you miss about 'one piece'?" you snapped at Crowley when you saw the blood and bruises on Dean's face and torso.
"He's alive. Besides, I had nothing to do with it."
The look Dean gave him said otherwise.
"Technically," Crowley clarified.
You sighed. "You okay?" you asked Dean softly.
"It hurts, but I'll be fine."
Sam started to enter the room where Crowley and Dean had stashed the stable boy (aka Brady), but his entrance was blocked by Crowley.
"What are you doing?" Sam growled.
"Stopping you from mucking this up and ruining any chance we have at finding Pestilence."
"What's he talking about?" you asked.
"Sam--" Dean started.
"Get out of my way," Sam snapped at Crowley.
The demon grumbled, but stepped aside, allowing Sam to pass.
"Sam, just wait a minute," Dean called after him.
The next twenty minutes was a blur of trying to prevent Sam from killing Brady before you could get the information you needed, Crowley going and murdering a bunch of demons, and all of you being attacked by a damn hellhound.
As the five of you raced away from the hellhound fight, you muttered lowly, "Sometimes I really hate this job."
"Tell me about it," Dean agreed.
**********
"Why exactly do I need to sit this one out?" you asked in annoyance.
"Because," Dean started as he threw another weapon into his bag. "I don't like the idea of you going up against a Horseman, okay? It's dangerous."
"Everything we do is dangerous, Dean," you countered.
He sighed. "This is different."
"For the record, I don't like the idea of the two of you going up against Pestilence either--especially without backup."
Dean threw his bag into the trunk of the Impala and slammed it shut. "This whole mess is our fault, which makes it our problem to solve. I've never wanted to involve you in this hell."
"I know, Dean," you said softly. "But like it or not, I'm involved."
He closed his eyes briefly. "Just--stay here with Bobby, please. For me."
His voice was as close to begging as Dean Winchester ever got, so you sighed deeply and nodded, biting the inside of your lip to keep from saying anything else.
Dean pulled you into a tight hug, holding you a little longer than would be typical of a friendly hug. You tried not to notice or read into it--after all, just because Dean had told you he'd pictured himself happy with you didn't mean he wanted to be with you. He hadn't brought it up since, but you supposed there really hadn't been time.
"Be safe," you whispered as he pulled away.
"I always am."
You knew he was lying, but there was nothing you could do about it. Instead, you gave Sam a hug before watching them climb into the Impala and pull away.
When you walked back into the house, Bobby sensed your mood immediately. "You alright, kid?"
"I just don't like the idea of them going after Pestilence alone."
"I know you care about them, but they're tough boys, (Y/N). They'll be alright."
You gave Bobby a sad look. "I think we both know I care too much."
The older man sighed and nodded. "I don't think you can care too much," he said gently.
You understood what he meant, but you were too worried to respond. This was the reason why hunters didn't have families--love was a weakness that would only cause you more pain in the end.
**********
"No, no, no. Absolutely not."
"If it's the only way--" Bobby tried.
"I said no," you growled.
"Then we might as well accept defeat now," Crowley said. "Without the spell, we'll never find Death in time. Without Death's ring, we can't put Lucifer back in his cage, and the end of the world is back on."
"I'm not letting you sacrifice your soul, Bobby!"
"I'll give it back," Crowley insisted. "It's a temporary loan."
"You're a demon, Crowley," you deadpanned. "Trusting you would be insanity."
"I don't see another option," Bobby said quietly.
"The only other option I can see," Crowley mused, "is using (Y/N)'s soul."
"Over my dead body," Bobby seethed.
"If I won't let Bobby do it, why the hell would I give you mine?"
"I didn't think you would. I was simply offering up the only other option."
"(Y/N)..." Bobby said gently.
"I don't like this," you murmured.
"I know. I don't like it either, but it's our best shot."
You closed your eyes. "It's your soul, so it's your choice."
Bobby looked up at Crowley and nodded. "I'll do it."
When the boys returned looking a little worse for the wear, but alive, you were relieved to see them. Especially since they had Cas in tow.
You hugged the angel, eyes scanning over him for any obvious injuries before looking at Dean and Sam. "All three of you look like hell."
"It has not been a fun day," Castiel commented.
You patted his arm gently. "I'd imagine not."
"We got the ring, though," Dean stated. "So that's really all that matters."
"We, uhh--well we managed to find Death's location while you were gone," you said, hoping they wouldn't notice the worried look in your eyes.
"How?" Sam asked.
"With my help," Crowley stated. "And some assistance from Bobby, of course."
There was something in Crowley's tone that made Dean uncomfortable. "What the hell did you do?" he demanded, addressing Bobby.
"It's not a big deal," Bobby said.
"It only cost him his soul," you said lowly, worry lacing your words.
"What? Bobby, come on! You sold your soul?" Dean yelled.
"It's my damn soul, boy!"
"Technically it's on loan. I fully intend to give it back," Crowley interjected.
"Then give it back!" Dean snapped.
"I will, once Lucifer's back in his cage and we all go back to hating each other."
"You son of a bitch," Dean growled.
You stepped in, grabbing Dean's arm to hold him back. "It was Bobby's choice, Dean. We needed the information and it was going to be his soul or mine."
Dean's expression sobered. He didn't want Bobby's soul to be at risk, but he was beyond terrified of losing you. It would kill him if your soul was damned to hell. "If you don't return it, so help me god--"
"I already threatened him," you said softly. "Repeatedly."
"With torture, I might add," Crowley put in.
Dean almost looked proud. "Good."
"Now that's all settled," Crowley began. "We'd better get to Chicago before the storm of the century wipes the Windy City off the map."
**********
Sam pulled you and Dean outside to chat before preparing for the next mission. "I wanted to talk to the two of you alone."
"Is everything okay?" you asked softly.
"I was thinking about what you said--about getting Lucifer into the cage," Sam responded. "And I think I have a plan that will work."
"Okay, let's hear it," Dean prodded.
"So I already talked it over with Bobby and he was telling me how, when he was possessed, he managed to regain control of himself long enough to keep from killing Dean and stab himself--"
"I can see where you're going with this, and I don't like it," you interjected.
Sam ignored your interruption. "I think I can do the same with Lucifer."
"I'm sorry--what?" Dean exclaimed. "Are you suggesting saying yes to Lucifer?"
"Just long enough to get him into the cage," Sam admitted. "I don't see any other options."
"Absolutely not," Dean snapped. "No way--no way in hell."
"Sam," you said calmly, "this is Lucifer! Not just some low level demon. The amount of sheer force of will you'd need to overcome him is--well it's damn near impossible."
"I know that," Sam said softly. "But I think it's worth a try."
Dean was about to say something else when Crowley appeared with a newspaper in his hand. "Read the headline."
Sam took the paper and began to read, "Swine Flu Vaccines to be Shipped Nationwide by Niveus."
The three of you looked perplexed, causing Crowley to groan. "Niveus? Ring a bell, anyone?"
"Wait," you began, "Isn't that the company Brady worked for?"
Crowley nodded. "At least one of you has a brain. Brady was the senior VP of distribution, to be specific."
"Oh fuck," you muttered.
"Please don't tell me--" Dean started.
"Pestilence had a bigger plan. Swine flu was just the beginning," Sam stated.
"The vaccine is phase two," you whispered.
"Exactly," Crowley added. "And it's full of Croatoan Virus."
"Son of a bitch," Dean muttered.
"You've gotta admit, it's an effective way to infect more than half the country all at once," Sam said quietly.
"We have to stop the distribution," you announced. "When do the trucks roll out?"
"Tomorrow," Crowley answered.
"Great," Dean said sarcastically. "So all we have to do is save Chicago, take Death's ring, and stop the mass spreading of the Croatian Virus to the entire U.S....all in one day."
You sighed deeply. "Well, if anyone can do it, it's us."
Dean looked over at you, a proud smile on his face. "That's my girl."
You blushed and looked away, unaccustomed to hearing him call you 'his girl'. Sure, he called you 'sweetheart', but he called most women that. This felt different, and you weren't sure how you felt about it.
"Let's go save the world," Sam muttered.
**********
You hadn't wanted to separate from Dean, but you knew Sam, Cas, and Bobby would likely need your help more than Dean and Crowley did. You still didn't trust Crowley and you hated the idea of leaving him alone with Dean, especially when they were facing an apocalyptic storm and going up against one of the oldest creatures in creation--Death himself.
"You just gonna sit there?" Crowley asked Bobby, drawing you out of your thoughts.
"No, I'm gonna river dance," Bobby quipped back.
"I suppose if you wanna impress the ladies," he teased. "You know, you can really make these contracts work in your favor, for instance adding your legs as part of the deal."
Everyone stared at Bobby in silence as he slowly began to move his legs for the first time in what felt like eternity. You gasped in shock when he stood up to his full height and took a step forward.
The joy was short-lived, given the tasks you were about to complete. There were a couple hugs before everyone sobered up and finished preparing to leave.
You were about to get into the van with Cas, Bobby, and Sam, when Dean approached you and called your name.
"Dean? You okay?" you asked.
He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, his hand lingering against your cheek for longer than it should have. "Just--just be careful, (Y/N/N). Please."
You smiled gently and nodded. "You too, Dean."
He pulled you into a tight hug, placing his lips into your hair, gently kissing the top of your head. "I can't lose you," he murmured so softly you almost didn't hear.
When he finally let you go, your eyes had begun to water--emotions bubbling up inside of you despite your best efforts to conceal them. "Come back to me," you choked out.
He gave you a sad smile as he stepped away. You saw him close his eyes as he swallowed thickly, clearly experiencing some complicated emotions of his own.
"Dean!" Crowley yelled. "Let's get a move on."
Dean groaned and his normal impassive mask slid back into place. "I'm coming, quit your whining." He gave you one last look before walking away from you.
Your heart ached in your chest, an overwhelming feeling of fear embedding itself in your bones. You watched him get into the driver's seat of the Impala before you managed to shake yourself out of whatever trance you were in and get into the van with the others.
"You good, (Y/N)? Bobby asked as you shut the door.
"All good," you lied. "Let's roll."
**********
"Have I mentioned how much I hate Croatoan Virus?" you grumbled as you shot yet another infected person who was charging your way.
"Maybe once or twice," Sam shot back.
"We should have known they would infect people before we got here," Bobby commented.
"Yeah, but at least we've stopped the shipment. Now we just gotta kill some Croats," you said with a smirk as you shot another one.
You and Sam traveled farther into the warehouse, following the sounds of people yelling for help. Cas and Bobby stayed up front to make sure no Croats escaped.
You were certain you had to be nearing the last of the infected people, but as you rounded a corner, one got the jump on you, tackling you to the ground. You fought with him, desperately trying to get him off of you so you could shoot him, but he sent your gun flying, leaving you defenseless.
You were starting to lose the battle, the Croat's teeth close to sinking into your flesh, when you heard a yell from behind you. The Croat looked up just in time to see Sam pull the trigger, bringing the terrifying moment to an end.
He helped you up and you retrieved your gun. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for the save."
He smiled. "Any time."
The two of you started moving back towards the front of the building. You heard a sound down one of the aisles and you started in that direction. You nodded for Sam to get back to Bobby and Cas, confident you could handle the situation on your own.
You cleared the aisle, but didn't find anything. You started heading back when you heard Sam yell and you started running. You arrived just in time to see Castiel shooting a Croat in the head to save Sam.
He looked slightly pleased with himself, gazing down at the sawed off in his hands. "These things can be useful."
You chuckled and Bobby just shook his head.
Sam got up and clapped Cas on the shoulder, a silent thank you for saving him. "Alright, let's blow some stuff up," he said with a grin.
"This has always been my favorite part of the plan," you declared with a grin of your own.
When the four of you returned to Bobby's, you were pleased to learn Dean and Crowley's mission had also been a success. Not only had they saved Chicago, but Dean had managed to secure Death's ring and learn how to use the rings.
"How old do we think Death is, exactly?" you asked.
"He told me he was as old as God...maybe older, but neither of them could remember," Dean responded.
"Holy shit..."
"Yeah. He didn't exactly strike me as the forgiving type, so I doubt he'll appreciate me lying to him," Dean commented.
"You lied to Death? About what?"
"I told him I was okay with Sam saying yes to Lucifer."
You sighed quietly, not wanting to admit which side you fell on in this particular argument.
Thankfully, Bobby did have something to add. "You and I have always treated Sam like he's a kid, despite the fact that he's one of the toughest people I know. He's been running into burning buildings since he was what, 12?"
"Pretty much," Dean replied.
"I saw him today, Dean. We both did," Bobby said, looking over at you. "He's not that little kid anymore. He's strong--stronger than any of us give him credit for. I think we should have a little more faith in his abilities."
Dean looked over at you, silently asking for your input. "I've always believed in Sam," you said honestly. "I'm not gonna stop now."
Dean nodded, a look of resigned acceptance crossing his features.
**********
You'd just gotten out of the shower when you heard a knock on your bedroom door. "Just a second!" you called.
You quickly threw on pajama shorts and an old faded Led Zeppelin t-shirt, before throwing open the door without checking to see who it was.
"Dean," you gasped in surprise.
"Hey," he murmured awkwardly. "I, uhh--I was hoping we could talk."
"Oh, umm, sure." You stepped aside to let him in, shutting the door behind him.
He sat down on the edge of your bed, looking extremely uncomfortable.
"Everything okay?" you asked worriedly.
"I'm just thinking about what's going to happen in just a couple days and I--I don't want to leave things unsaid."
"Dean, we don't have to--"
"I need to, (Y/N/N)," he interjected. "Just in case."
You didn't want to think about the very distinct possibility that one or both of you might not survive the coming fight. Your heart ached at the mere thought of losing him, and to your surprise he felt the same way.
"I don't know if we'll make it through this--all I know is I'm terrified of losing you," he admitted.
You shifted on your feet, unsure of what to say.
"I'm not used to being afraid," he whispered. "It's not a feeling I'm accustomed to experiencing and to be honest with you, I kinda hate it."
"You don't have to be afraid for me," you reassured him. "I'll be fine. You know I can take care of myself."
"In every other fight? I'd agree completely...but this isn't any other fight. This is Michael and Lucifer--it's the biggest fight of our lives."
"I know," you murmured. "But I have to believe that at the end of this, we'll all be okay."
He nodded, but you could see the emotions clouding his normally bright green eyes. "I wish I had that same faith."
You gave him a teary smile. You understood where he was coming from, especially given his past experiences.
"Any chance I can convince you to stay back?"
"There's no way that's happening, Dean. If you're facing two archangels, I'm coming with you."
He sighed. "I figured you'd say that." He exhaled deeply, clearly preparing himself to say something else. "Things have been so--intense--for the past few weeks and we haven't really had much of an opportunity to talk. We've been dancing around our feelings and I don't wanna keep doing that--I can't."
You swallowed thickly. "I don't know if I can..."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't want you to say anything if you don't really mean it. You're scared and honestly, so am I. This might be the end, Dean--the end of everything. I just don't want you to say something you think I wanna hear because we might die, or something you don't really feel just because you don't wanna be alone for the end...I can't handle that."
Dean stood up and reached out to you. You'd finally let the tears fall during your speech, and he couldn't stand to see you cry. He reached up slowly, giving you plenty of time to stop him. When you didn't, he cupped your face in his hands, gently wiping the tears from your cheeks.
"I don't want you to ever think I'm choosing you because of some misguided desire to not be alone. I meant what I said, sweetheart--you're the only person I can imagine myself being happy with. It's always been you--I've just been too scared to tell you."
You sniffled softly as he finished wiping the last of your tears. "So why now?"
He continued to gently rub his thumbs on your cheeks, almost afraid to let go of you--as if you would simply disappear. "Because I'm tired of pretending I'm not in love with you. If this really is the end, I don't wanna go out without telling you the truth. If you don't feel the same, I understand, but I needed to--"
You leaned in to press your lips gently against his, silencing the rest of his sentence. He returned your kiss, one hand sliding into your hair to pull you closer to him.
You pulled away from him to suck in some air, leaning your forehead against his as you caught your breath.
"So does that mean you might feel the same?" Dean murmured softly.
You laughed lightly. "Maybe just a little bit."
He grinned as he slipped his arms around your soft waist and pulled you closer. "Just a little?" he teased.
You giggled as his fingers gently tickled your sides. "Or a lot."
"Yeah?"
You bit your lip. "Yeah...there's a strong possibility I feel exactly the same as you."
"Oh, baby, I don't think that's possible."
You looked at him in confusion.
"I love you more than anything--I don't even have words to express how I feel about you. 'Love' just doesn't cut it."
You practically melted in his arms, a warm, teary smile gracing your face. "I don't think I can compare to that, but I do love you, Dean--so much."
Dean was one of the most deeply emotional people you'd ever known and the way he loved was no exception. He was incredibly passionate and he loved with a kind of fierceness that almost frightened you. But at the same time, you felt incredibly honored to be loved by such an amazing man--a man who was loyal, brave, strong, and sensitive (even if he would deny it).
Dean kissed you deeply, holding your body tightly against his own. You could feel his arousal stirring against your stomach and you moaned softly.
"I could kiss you all night," he whispered against your lips.
"Why don't you then?"
Dean raised his eyebrows, a small smirk playing on his lips. "How would you feel if I kissed every square inch of your body instead of just your lips?"
You inhaled sharply, his words sending a shock wave of need straight to your core. "Please," you begged softly.
"Oh baby, you're in for a treat." He grabbed you and spun around, tossing you onto the soft bed.
It didn't take long for you both to be completely naked, Dean's head between your legs, bringing you closer to blissful release with each passing moment.
Every movement of his lips and tongue had you moaning in pleasure. You tangled your fingers in his hair, nails scrapping against his scalp as he continued to drive you wild.
When your orgasm finally hit, your hips began to buck wildly, causing Dean to lay his arm across your abdomen to hold you in place. He continued lapping up your juices and teasing your clit until you dragged him away, whimpers of sensitivity leaving your lips.
He breathed heavily as he hovered over you, licking his lips in contentment. "I didn't wanna stop."
You smiled. "I could tell."
"So I can go back down and finish--" he started moving lower and you grabbed him to keep him in place.
"No!" you said, laughter filling your voice. "I'm a little too sensitive for that right now, Dean."
He groaned in displeasure. "Fine," he mumbled. "Later then."
He leaned down to kiss you and you giggled softly against his lips. His antics always made you smile, so you weren't surprised to find the experience continued in the bedroom.
As he deepened the kiss, you felt his cock brush against your core, a sharp hiss leaving your lips at the contact.
"Sorry, baby," he murmured.
"I'm not," you said lightly.
He looked down at you quizzically, but didn't have time to comment before he found himself lying on his back looking up at you.
You grinned down at him, clearly pleased with yourself.
"Whatcha doin' sweetheart?" he drawled.
"Taking what I want."
Your meaning was quickly made clear as you kissed slowly down his chest and abdomen, stopping only to make a soft sound of appreciation when you came upon his throbbing cock.
You wrapped your hand around it and licked slowly from the base to the tip, giving a flick of your tongue against it to collect the precum.
Dean moaned softly, green eyes watching you intently as you took his cock into your mouth, slowly lowering yourself down until you couldn't fit any more.
"Fuck, baby," he groaned, hand reaching for your hair to tangle his fingers in it.
You hummed happily and began to move, bobbing your head up and down in a pleasurable rhythm. Your hand wrapped around what you couldn't fit into your mouth to ensure his entire member was receiving pleasure.
Dean's hips jerked slightly each time you made a noise or a particularly pleasurable motion, and his grip on your hair tightened considerably.
You made it very obvious you were enjoying yourself, which seemed to only increase his pleasure. You very gently caressed his balls, massaging them in your soft hand as you continued to suck his cock.
Dean's moans and curses had increased in both volume and frequency, signaling he was nearing his peak. You flicked your gaze up to look at his face, meeting his dark, lust-blown eyes.
You held eye contact as you continued your motions, soft moans vibrating against his cock.
"Holy fuck," he whispered. "Gonna cum, baby."
You hummed, signaling your desire for him to let go. You continued to hold his gaze, but you switched your focus to the head of his cock, using your hand to rub the rest.
Moments later, Dean came with a low groan of your name, hips stuttering upwards as you swallowed every drop he gave you.
Just as he'd done to you, you refused to stop until he literally pulled you off his cock, aftershocks shaking his body.
"That was incredible," he breathed.
You smiled down at him, appreciating the praise.
"I wanna taste you again," he begged softly.
Your eyes widened a bit, but you couldn't deny the ache in your core. You wanted to feel him inside you so badly, but you knew he'd need some time to work back up to it.
"I suppose you can have a little taste," you murmured teasingly.
You started to get off of him, but he grabbed you to hold you in place.
"Where ya going?"
"To lay down..."
He raised an eyebrow at you. "Did I tell you to lay down?"
You inhaled sharply. "No..."
"Didn't think so, babe." He shifted so his head was flat against the mattress. "Come on up and sit on my face."
"I'm sorry--do what?"
He laughed softly. "Sit on my face."
"Umm...you sure?"
He lifted his head to look at you. "I've never been more certain."
You bit your lip and considered his words for a moment. You'd never sat on anyone's face, but you'd heard it was an enjoyable experience.
"Alright," you agreed, pulling yourself up to hover over his mouth.
"Lower, please," he said.
You lowered yourself down, but remained hovering.
"(Y/N)," he said harshly. "Sit."
You lowered yourself as much as you could without putting your full weight on him.
"For the love of god," he growled, tugging down on your hips and forcing you to actually sit.
You heard his groan and what sounded like a muffled "Fuck yes", before his tongue slipped between your folds and the assault began.
If you'd thought he was good with his mouth before, it was nothing compared to the incredible feelings you were currently experiencing. You had to press your hands against the wall to hold yourself upright and your thighs were pressed tightly around his head.
The sounds coming out of your mouth were loud enough to wake the neighbors, but you couldn't be bothered to care.
You could feel his tongue pressing into your channel while his nose bumped against your clit with every movement. The combination was amazing and your hips started to move on their own, seeking more friction to push you over the edge.
Dean's grip on your hips tightened and he started to move your hips more forcefully, letting you know it was okay to ride his face.
You took the hint and completely let go, allowing yourself to truly enjoy the experience. Dean's moans vibrated through your body, which only served to increase your pleasure.
Your thighs began to shake and your moans had turned to cries of his name as your hips made one final thrust before you fell apart. The orgasm that crashed through you was easily the most incredible one you'd ever experienced--the high both better and longer than ever before.
You lifted yourself off Dean's face as the pleasure became too much, but your legs were no longer able to support you, so you fell onto the bed beside him. You were both breathless, but Dean wasted no time in rolling over on top of you and pressing open mouthed kisses to your heated skin.
When you finally caught your breath, you murmured, "I've never felt that good in my life."
Dean smirked, pride evident on his face. "I'm not done with you yet, sweetheart."
You bit your lip and looked up into his handsome face. "Is that a promise?"
He groaned softly and his cock pressed against your core. You both inhaled sharply and he lowered his face down to kiss you deeply. "You're gonna be the death of me, you know that?"
"I hope not," you whispered back.
He smiled and placed another sweet kiss to your lips. "You ready?"
You nodded--you'd never been more ready in your life.
He gripped his cock and lined it up with your entrance, pressing in slowly to give you time to adjust.
You whimpered at the feeling, his cock stretching you in ways you didn't know you could be stretched.
"You okay, baby?"
"Mhmm," you hummed. "Keep going."
He waited another moment before continuing to push forward. By the time he was fully seated inside you, you were both breathing heavily and a light sheen of sweat graced your face.
Dean pressed soft, sweet kisses all over your face as he waited for your breathing to normalize. "Let me know when you're ready," he murmured.
After a few more moments, you took a deep breath and said, "You can move now."
Dean's hips began to move slowly, his thrusts languid and gentle at first. As your grip on his cock tightened and the soft sounds you made washed over him, his pace began to increase.
"You're so goddamn tight, (Y/N/N)," he groaned softly. "So warm and wet--fucking perfect."
You pulled his face down to yours to kiss him passionately. "Feels so good, Dean," you moaned.
He knew he wasn't going to last very long...which wasn't common for him. You just felt so incredible and he knew he was going to lose control.
He'd be damned, however, if he came before pulling at least one more orgasm from your sweet body.
Dean grabbed your legs and folded them towards your chest, flexing your body almost in half. This position allowed him to get even deeper inside you and the head of his cock pressed against your sweet spot with each thrust.
"Dean!" you gasped in surprised pleasure. Not very many men had managed to find your g-spot, but Dean wasn't exactly most men.
You dug your nails into his biceps--the only part of him you could reach, and your moans turned into an unending song of pleasure.
He'd be lying if he said he didn't love every part of it. Every noise was like music to his ears--a soundtrack he could listen to forever. The sharp pain of your nails in his skin only heightened his pleasure and the look of pure bliss on your face was an image he wanted to sear onto his brain.
He was desperate to watch you come undone--to see your beautiful face in full view as you fell apart for him. He was certain it would be an image worthy of an art museum.
"You gonna cum for me baby?" he asked lowly.
You nodded rapidly, unable to form a verbal response.
"Can feel you squeezin' me so tight."
He sped up just a little more and a sharp gasp left your lips. He knew you were seconds away--and honestly, so was he.
"Need you to cum for me sweet girl," he begged. "Wanna feel it so bad."
His words sent you over the edge, your third orgasm of the night washing over you and throwing you into pure ecstasy.
Dean held back his own impending orgasm just long enough to ask, "Can I fill you up, baby?"
"Please!" you cried.
Dean came with a loud shout of your name, hot ropes of cum filling your pussy to the brim. His thrusts slowed as you both rode out your highs and his cock began to soften as he pulled out and collapsed on the bed beside you.
"That was--" you began.
"I know," he finished.
You turned to look at him and giggled softly. He grinned widely and let out a warm laugh along with you.
"Who woulda thought we'd end up here?" he asked.
"On the brink of the end of the world," you added.
"There's no one I'd rather be with," he admitted.
You rolled onto your side to face him completely. "Same here, Dean."
He offered you a small smile tinged with sadness. "I love you, (Y/N/N)...and if we die tomorrow, then at least you'll know how I feel about you."
You closed your eyes and sighed. "I love you too. But I want a life with you, so let's try to make it through tomorrow, okay?"
He smiled warmly. "Alright, sweetheart. I'd like that."
"Good," you whispered as you nestled in close to him, laying your head against his chest and sighing softly.
Dean wrapped his arms around you tightly as if he was afraid you would disappear if he let go. You fell asleep like that, one last moment of peace and contentment before the final battle.
#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester x reader smut#supernatural fanfic#supernatural smut#dean Winchester smut
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done for the night ii
axel kovacevic x reader
hello all! i hope u all like this part!! took me a little longer bc of finals. it's 5am and i need to sleep. lmk if i should start a pt.3 bc i do have tons of ideas and also for seperate oneshots and other fics for axel
canon divergence in this one :p
my requests are open! please send me some for any of the ck characters (but esp axel) but you can also just yap to me, i love to yap. been thinking about writing for kwon...
that's it from me! thx for reading <3
taglist:
@munson-mayhem @angieslove06 @arywry @karmaswitch @thisistherealmekitty
miguel and johnny returned with kenny the next afternoon. devon confessed to what happened in the woods and gave kenny her spot. kenny forgave her. sensei's seemed to be working well together. everything seemed like it was on the up and up. until...
"what do you think about kenny?" demitri came up to you with a curious expression, eli trailing not too far behind. kenny was sitting in a corner with devon, the both of them laughing and talking.
"kenny? i'm glad he's here." you responded from your spot at the mirror. you were doing your makeup, wondering why everyone had to meet in the girls room every time before matches. "he's gonna do great." you liked kenny, he was a cool kid and a great fighter. you had no doubt he would rise to the occasion.
"see, man." eli tapped demitris arm. "you're being paranoid."
"i'm not. he's gonna screw us." demitri raised his hands. "showing up the same time as silver? bad omen."
"you're being dramatic, mit." lately, if it wasn't one thing with demitri, it was another. he spent the rest of last night venting to you about the yasmin ordeal and you wanted to tell him he was in the wrong but you didn't want to argue with a debate champion. you were choosing your battles but it was hard because battles kept coming left and right.
"yeah, we shouldn't be jumping to conclusions." sam agreed from besides you. "he came all this way to help us."
"i'm not saying it's happened yet but we know that silvers gonna cheat. the only question is how?" demitri shot kenny a look.
"i'm gonna go over the numbers devon gave me with our sensei's." you got up and left the room with no plans on meeting with the sensei's unless you crossed paths. you just needed some air. between dojo drama and axel, you were feeling overwhelmed. you wanted to talk to him and ask him why he left so abrubtly after you kissed, but you also felt wrong mingling with a rival dojo. if any of the miyagi do's saw you talking to him they would definitely get the wrong idea. or the right idea, seeing as your first conversation with axel resulted in a kiss.
there was two hours until the next match. enough time to go for a walk on the beach to clear your head so you could fully support your teammates. before the doors to the elevator could shut, a hand stopped them. axel walked in, looking at his phone. his tall frame immediately stiffened when he saw your face.
"hey, axel." you started, knowing he wouldn't make the first move to speak. he nodded in acknowledgment. "it's good to see you."
"it is?" he looked at you, a crease between his brows. your reaction to his kiss last night made him think you wanted nothing to do with him.
you nodded. "yeah. it's always good to see you. where are you going?"
"needed some air." he sighed out in response.
"me too. everything is a little too much in there." you thought back to robby and tory, demitri and eli, kenny, and your sensei's.
"same." between sensei wolf, zara, and you, axel was stressed. he knew he would do good but he was half a second behind, his precision faltering in his performance at practice in the early hours of the morning. sensei wolf, of course, did not let it slide.
the two of you stood in silence until the doors opened. the both of you exited and fell into a nice, silent walk together. you didn't even need to speak to one another. it was comfortable.
you walked down to the beach and there was more people during the day than at night. you managed to find a spot to sit and he sat next to you. looking out at the ocean, you put your attention on the sound of the people walking by and talking, the ocean, and music coming from the bars in the background. however, even with all the noise, you couldn't drown out your thoughts. you didn't even have to fight but you could feel that your team wasn't on the same page. you could feel a loss coming if they didn't get it together. they needed to trust
each other again but it would never be that easy. on top of that, you felt as if your choice of new friends could make things worse if they were to find out. you were torn, wanting to be there with your friends for an important moment in all of their lives but also to disappear into the background of barcelona with axel. why did he have to be on the opposing team? why couldn't it be simple?
axel, on the other hand, was only able to think about you. he already knew how to deal with pressure. he knew what his body could and couldn't do. he knew the ways sensei wolf would push him. he had been trained for this. his life was his sport and maybe that was the problem. he was never allowed any time to let anyone into his life. he was the best in karate and nothing else and you still saw him. not just the talented fighter, you saw axel. and you wanted him. he wasn't going to just let you go like that. he knew it wouldn't be that easy but he never backed down from a challenge.
bracing himself for the possibility of rejection, he cleared his throat. "do you want to get dinner tonight?" axel asked, finally turning to look at you.
"tonight?" he nodded. "yeah, i would love to." you nodded, blush creeping onto your face. "we should probably head back."
"no." axel grabbed your hand. it wasn't forceful, but gentle and assertive all at once. your stomach did a somersault. "let's sit for a little while more, yeah?"
"okay." he didn't let your hand go and you didn't make a move to let go either. it was nice, being able to just sit with him by the beach and melt into all the people coming and going. it felt natural, like you were meant to be here in this moment with axel.
axel wasn't used to this kind of softness in his life. he was built on routine and structure. his life had always been goal oriented. rarely did he have moments to just sit and think. a couple serene minutes went by and your phone started ringing.
"miguel d. is calling"
"sorry, i have to take this." you stood up and answered your phone. "hey."
"where are you? there's only an hour until the next event."
"i went for a walk to clear my head, i'll be back soon."
"okay, because i could really use some support. everyone's focus is all over the place. it's like they don't care if we lose." miguel sighed into the phone. your heart skipped a beat. here you were with your attention on axel.
"i know, they're gonna exhaust themselves fighting each other before they get to the mat."
"yeah." miguel laughed a little. "i wish you had chosen to compete for a spot. it would have been nice to have you and sam on my side. we're outnumbered."
"it's gonna be okay. it will get worked out."
"i hope so."
you looked back at axel. "i'll be back soon, okay?"
"okay."
you hung up the phone and gave axel a tight lipped smile. "i have to go."
"what about tonight?" he stood up, taking a step towards you.
"i'll see you at nine." you waved goodbye, leaving him standing there in the sand. axel looked forward to getting his matches out of the way and being able to properly take you out.
***
axel was good at shutting down his emotions. emotions didn't help his karate. precision and discipline were all he needed on the mat. still, he couldn't help the jealousy that plucked his heartstrings when he saw you and miguel talking. the way you looked at him, you made him seem incredibly important to you. the way you were smiling and laughing, blocking the playful jabs he sent your way. axel wished it were him.
"sam, come get your kid." you managed to jab miguel in the stomach after his playful assault.
"ow!" miguel dramatically threw his arms up.
"that's what you get." sam laughed and he placed an arm around her shoulder, pressing a kiss to the side of her head which axel did not see.
the matches began and you couldn't help but be immersed in axel's fights. he was doing amazing, as usual. he was lazer focused and no one stood in his way. he was untouchable. you were glad you weren't fighting, or else you would be majorly distracted by the way he would shoot a look at you after every point he gained. you just couldn't look away from him. he was magnetic.
once miyagi do faced their first opponent, furia de pantera, you felt all the anxiety of the day rushing back up.
demitri stubbornly and stupidly refused to tag in eli which resulted in the panthers landing the first point. sam managed to land a point on their female captain but eli refused to tag in kenny and tagged sam again. she managed to hold her own for a while, blocking and countering every strike. they weren't letting her tag out because they could tell she was getting tired keeping up her defense. almost all the panthers got a turn with sam, all of them incredibly quick and strong. diego, or "spanish hawk" as demitri called him, getting the last round. he blocked another of sam's kicks and swept her standing leg. sam fell to the floor with a shout. she fell on her ankle at an excruciating angle. the entire arena could hear a loud pop as she hit the ground. you grimaced at the sound of her cry in agony. the spanish team all looked at each other with concern and diego was apologizing profusely as the referee ushered him away.
"sam!" miguel rushed to sams side as she held her ankle in the center of the mat, rolling around in pain.
"medic! we need a medic!" daniel larusso rushed to sam's other side, frantically trying to help.
back in the locker room, the medic was putting a brace on sams ankle. "we managed to get the swelling down but you need to stay off of it for the next few days so it can heal."
"so does that mean...?" sam asked, eyes already teary because she knew what was coming.
"you're not gonna be able to finish competing." the medic and daniel talked for a minute before she left. sam was holding miguels hand, resting her head on a pillow while letting silent tears stream down her face.
"refs said it was an automatic forfeit. we can still fight the next match in 30 minutes." johnny came back in the room. "automatic forfeit. bullshit."
"she's not gonna be fine in 30 minutes johnny. medic said she can't fight." daniel said pointedly.
"well, we have to do something. we need a female captain to continue." johnny shot back. everyone was exchanging worried glances between each other and then they all turned to look at you.
you looked around you, to make sure you weren't imagining things. "me?"
"yeah, you." johnny nodded. "you got 3rd place at the all valley. doesn't get much better than that."
"you all know i don't fight anymore right? i haven't trained since the all valley. it's been months. what about devon?" you quickly tried to defend yourself.
"believe me, i'd love to but you're the better option for captain. if you had fought me in the woods you would have kicked my ass." devon smiled at you, encouraging you to take the spot but you felt anything but encouraged. your heart was racing, threatening to jump out of your chest.
"i can fight." sam said from her place on the bed while trying to get up. her face contorted in pain as she tried to move her injured foot.
"woah, woah. stop. no offense babe, but if you fight you're just gonna get us all eliminated. i wanted to see you on that podium, but it just wasn't your time." miguel kissed the top of her head and sam could only squeeze her eyes shut and say goodbye to her dream.
"so what's it gonna be? you gonna let all your friends down just because you're scared." johnny questioned you.
"i'm not scared."
"then what?"
you took a deep breath and looked at everyone. robby and miguel both had the same puppy dog expression that made it incredibly hard to say no. devon and kenny both nodded at you in approval. hawk shot you a pleading look. it was all too much again. "i need a minute."
without another word, you quickly walked out of the locker room and into the arena. competitors walked past you, not paying you any mind. you were no one to them. you felt invisible again. your mind didn't stop racing though. you didn't know if you were ready to compete for the world championship of karate. you also didn't know if you could let your friends down like that. you walked aimlessly for a minute before someone tugged you into an obscure corner.
you fight instict kicked in, being incredibly anxious, so you did the first thing you could. you swung your fist right into their face.
"ow." a familiar voice answered the punch. "it's me." axel held his cheek with one hand, rubbing the spot where you hit him.
"axel! i'm so sorry!" you immediately rose your hand to touch his face, gentle this time around. "i didn't mean to hurt you."
"it was a good punch." axel was smiling, trying to make you feel better about it. "but i've had worse."
you frowned, knowing what he was referring to. "i'm still sorry."
"it's okay. where are you going?"
"nowhere."
axel looked at you. he could tell something was off. your responses were quick and breathless. "are you okay?"
you nodded instinctively. "yeah. yeah. yes. i'm good."
"are you sure?" he felt a wall coming up between the two of you and he didn't like it. "you can talk to me."
you let out a little sigh, trying to relax as much as possible with him. you didn't know whether you could trust him or not with him being on silver's team and you felt a lump in your throat preventing you from being honest. "yeah. i saw your matches. you were amazing." you were as honest as you could be. he was killing it.
"thanks." axel looked you up and down, noticing your tense body language. your arms were crossed and your foot anxiously tapped the ground.
"how do you do it?"
"what?"
"how do you stay undefeated?"
axel looked at you, curious as to where this was coming from. "i train hard. i stay focused. i use my strengths and know my opponent's weakness. i only ever lost once. never again." you were nodding along as he spoke. "why?"
you inhaled sharply. you wanted to tell him. "it's complicated. i'm-"
"she's gotta be around here somewhere." robby's voice was faint but distinct.
"i wish find my phone was a little more precise." miguels voice approached closer.
"those are my friends, i gotta go." you gave him an apologetic look. "i'll see you tonight."
you left axel, once again, and immediately faced miguel and robby. "hey, so i know this isn't ideal-" robby started, already preparing a speech in his head to try to convince you.
"i'll fight." you cut him off.
"what?" the two asked, equally confused at your turnaround.
"i'll fight. i just need a gi. and some training." you looked at the time on your phone. "match starts in like 20 minutes right?"
they nodded and very quickly ushered you back into the locker room. "she's gonna fight." robby announced, and everyone's eyes lit up.
daniel larusso smiled, proud of your decision. "you can handle this." he spoke as he tied the headband around your head.
"now go get dressed, our captain's gonna help bring you up to speed." johnny placed a hand on robby's shoulder, giving you an encouraging nod.
"sam..." you started and she immediately stopped you.
"it's okay. i trust you. we all do." sam gave you a supportive smile and nod.
the miyagi do insignia on the back of your gi has meant many different things for you at many different parts of your life. this time it meant redemption, to finally fight for the right reasons.
robby and your sensei's did the best they could to prepare you for the match, stressing defense and not letting them land a point on you. don't do anything too risky. you could leave it up to your team, at least in this one, to score the points.
stepping out onto the mat was even more intimidating than you thought it would be. you were no longer a spectator. you were an enemy. more than that, you were a spectacle. a shiny new toy. you felt eyes on you from every angle, terry silver smiled at you. kreese eyed you curiously. tory looked at you in disbelief. she couldn't believe that she might have to face you for the first time since the all valley where she's not even sure she really won any of her matches.
"replacing samantha larusso as captain for the miyagi do team is y/n l/n." the announcer did his job, making your name sound incredibly grand next to all of these excellent fighters.
then there was axel.
he was staring at you, as per usual, but with surprise in his eyes. your gaze softened. the most you could do was give him a discreet nod of acknowledgment and face the two fighters in the center.
miguel started the match this time around. it was miyagi do v. redentores. he was doing great, just unable to break his opponent's defense. he glanced over his shoulder and looked at you, tagging you in. "you got this."
your adrenaline carried you as you bounced on your toes, waiting for your opponent to strike. he looked you up and down, scoffed, and then started attacking.
you were agile, jumping nearly 6 feet in the air when he tried to sweep your leg. you landed on your feet. "ais!" you shouted, throwing a fast combination of punches and kicks that your opponent dodged. you backed him into a corner until he tagged another girl on his team. she was mainly kicking, using her legs more than any other part of her body. you saw an opening and took it, blocking her next kick with one arm and then sweeping her leg from beneath her, axe kicking her while she was on the floor.
"point!"
"let's go." you ran over to robby, tagging him in. "it's time."
"come on, captain." miguel clapped his hands together and watched the scene fold out in front of him.
he very easily got the second point but his last opponent was simply too quick for him to land a point on.
"robby, tag me!" kenny called out.
"no, me!" hawk said in return.
"tag me."
"do not tag him!"
robby was able to take a breath and centered himself before tagging in kenny. it was amazing, but not surprising, that kenny won the winning point. while on top of your shoulders, he flipped off terry silver and your heart swelled with pride. of course, you had your own beef with terry (who wouldn't after he made you break wooden boards that were so thick that it drew blood and wrecked your hands) but kenny finally stuck it to him. kenny was free from the intimidation and cruelty that is terry silver.
across the room, even in the embrace of your team and sensei's, you felt the familiar sensation of being watched. of course, it was axel and for once he looked happy in the arena, not just determined. you smiled back in his direction before you had to leave the mat.
"y/n, that was awesome." devon came rushing to your side. "i almost forgot that you can jump that high."
"more of that." johnny fist bumped you as miguel grabbed your shoulders and gently shook you. when he let go, you noticed axel walking right in your direction. he wasn't even looking at you. he walked directly into miguel with his shoulder, making miguel stumble, and then past you guys like nothing.
"what the hell was that?" miguel said, very confused and annoyed. he thought he had been imagining the death stares that the iron dragon leader had been shooting him from across the mat all day. the two hadn't even faced each other yet. he couldn't think of a single reason why the guy wouldn't like him.
"i don't know." you looked back at axel who was staring at you and miguel. you shot him a questioning look before turning back around but axel watched you go.
there was only 5 minutes until the tie breaker with cobra kai. after an emotional pep talk and a quick talk with your sensei's on areas of improvement, you were ready. you were even excited. your confidence was steadily rising and your team was more in sync than ever. you were ready.
"nervous?" miguel asked approaching you
at the edge of the mat.
"not scared though."
he laughed a little. "you know, when i first met you, this is the last place i thought we would end up."
"yeah, me too. i didn't think the annoying, scrawny, little kid would be one of the best fighters in the world. never seen that one coming." you teased and he rolled his eyes.
"yeah, yeah, yeah. i didn't think ugly betty would be my best friend, fighting by my side in the world tournament of karate." he referred to the era before you got contacts where you wore unflattering glasses and had no sense of style.
you smiled. "oh shut up..."
"you know, i'm really happy we became friends."
"me too, miggy."
he draped an arm around your shoulder. "best chance i ever took."
you rolled your eyes and shoved miguel away from you. "you were the most risky chance i ever took. being your friend put a target on my back."
miguel rose his arms in defense. "hey, hey. let's not bring up the past now. remember when your friends broke into my girlfriends house-"
"better to leave the past in the past." you laughed a little. "thank you, miguel. none of us would be here if it wasn't for you." you looked down at your hands. "i wanna apologize-"
"don't." he stopped you. "you apologize like every month. i already forgave you for everything, even before you came back to the our side. you're a major reason we all made it here. i wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. you don't have to keep apologizing.
you did your time."
you remembered meeting miguel when he moved in next door and encouraging miguel to take the karate classes. it felt like yesterday for the both of you. miguel's your best friend. nothing more, nothing less. you had been through a lot together. you're grateful he was able to forgive you. you knew the two of you would be friends for a long, long time. without another word, you hugged miguel tightly. he hugged you back just as tight. "our match is about to start."
from afar, axel watched the interaction with a broken heart. of course, you were in love with your best friend. he never stood a chance against miguel, the guy who completely changed your life. seeing you in miguel's arms put a pit in axels stomach, one that threatened to swallow him whole. if he was fighting, someone might actually be able to land a point on him. he never felt this before and he didn't know how to stop it.
the last match was incredibly close but miyagi do won. robby took the win for you for you guys in his last fight against kwon. you don't know what exactly happened but he honed in on all his skills, letting go of whatever was keeping him from performing at his peak. he kicked kwon's ass and everyone was proud of him. your sensei's even let the team hit the streets for the night as long as you all got enough sleep and you didn't do anything they wouldn't do (terrible words to come out of johnny lawrence's mouth).
"you guys seriously aren't going out tonight?" you stood up from your vanity, finished getting ready. it was 8:45pm. miguel was sitting on sam's bed next to sam while devon was in your shared bed.
"nah, it's gonna be a chill night in." miguel rested his head on sam's shoulder. her crutches rested on the wall besides them.
"kinda disappointed we didn't get to see more of barcelona." sam frowned.
"me too."
"i think you two should go out." you said, looking over your shoulder as you grabbed the door handle. "you can always meet us at the bar. come on devon."
you waved devon over and she followed you out of the room. once in the elevator you sighed. "okay. you remember the plan right?"
"i go to the bar with the team and tell them that you're training. if i get back before you do, i tell sam the same thing." devon nodded.
"i really appreciate you doing this for me, dev."
"of course. so are you really not gonna tell me who it is? is it kwon? i saw you two talking at the bar." devon asked, eyes wide and full of a youthful curiosity.
"it's not kwon. ew." you laughed. "when i do decide to tell everyone, you'll be the first. i still need to test the waters. see if i can trust him, you know?" you replied, looking at the time on your phone. you hated to group axel in with silver but he was the captain of silver's team. you felt like you couldn't be sure about his intentions with you and you hated it. he's been nothing but sweet to you.
"okay." devon accepted. "just call us if anything goes wrong and it's a sneak attack."
"i don't think it is, but i know you guys will come running if i need you." you smiled warmly at her. "thank you, again."
"anytime. plus i know you'll have my back when i'm off doing secret boyfriend things."
the elevator doors opened and you stepped out. "be safe okay?"
"okay." you nodded and watched the elevator close, devon going back up to the boys room.
as if on queue, the neighboring elevators doors opened and axel emerged. he was immediately drawn towards you. you had on plenty of shiny jewelry but he was drawn to your eyes the most. you captivated him. he almost forgot the scene he witnessed in the arena where you and miguel couldn't get your hands off of each other. almost. he still had his guard up, especially now after your surprise entry into the sekai tekai. he needed to know if he could trust you. "i didn't think you were coming since..." he trailed off.
"because i'm captain now?" you asked and he nodded. you looked around. "we're not in the arena anymore. we're done for the night." you gave him a reassuring smile. "you look great." you took his hand that was outstretched to you. he was wearing a white knit longsleeve and brown pants, black belt with a silver buckle and black chuck taylors. it was nice to see his personal style and how it compared to the vibe he gave off in the arena.
"you too. let's go?" he asked and you nodded, walking out of the hotel. you started walking in the direction of the beach district but axel stopped, keeping you in place.
"what are you doing?"
"this is a date. you think i would let you walk?" axel asked, amused at your confusion. a taxi pulled up and he opened the door for you. "after you."
you were caught off guard. "thank you." you got in the taxi, axel coming in next to you. you had somewhat limited dating experience. you dated eli before he broke up with you to date moon and you dated robby for a few weeks after he got out of juvie before he started showing interest in tory. it was like every guy you dated eventually left you for another girl but axel was focused on you. you felt small under his gaze. you never had someone pay so much attention to you.
"don't thank me. it's the least i can do." he squeezed your hand and you smiled at him, resting your head on his shoulder. axel couldn't help but lean into your affection. he also couldn't help but worry what your intentions were. were you and miguel trying to get in his head with a sick joke? was any of it sincere? he pushed the thoughts away as best as he could and kept you close as the ride went on.
axel paid the driver as you guys left the taxi. you were in front of a restaurant and bar that your friends passed on last night in favor of the tapas bar. this one was definitely more low key and atmospheric. the lights were dim purple and blue and the music was a soft instrumental. axel did all the talking, speaking spaniard spanish, which you weren't expecting at all.
you two were led to a table in the corner, by a window with a good view of the street. it was a truly romantic setting, with roses in the center and two candles illuminating your table. you two were silent for the first minutes, enjoying the music and exchanging glances and smiles after ordering food and drinks.
"we should start talking right?" you sighed. "one of the main reasons i like being with you is that we don't need to talk, but we have to get to know each other at some point. right?"
"right." axel nodded, thinking of what he could say. "that was a nice point you got on nichols. you can jump really high. maybe even world record." he tried to keep it light.
"thanks." you turned red under his compliments as you bit your lip. "is it okay if we don't talk about karate right now?" axel froze. martial arts were his whole life. what else could he talk about? you could tell he wasn't ready for that so you decided to try and break the ice. "have you ever been here before?" you asked.
"once, on my last trip to spain. me and zara came here after a... tournament." axel smiled sheepishly, mentioning karate after you asked him not to.
"are you and zara close?"
"not really."
"how come?"
"competition. in our dojo, there can only be one number one. in the tournament, we can work together because we both want to win, but outside of the tournament we don't even really talk." you hated to admit it to yourself but hearing that was a relief. you didn't know what you would have done if they were a thing. "sorry, you don't want to talk about karate."
"no, i'm sorry. it was kind of unfair to ask. i mean we're competing in the world tournament of karate." you laughed at yourself a little. you were nervous but you could also tell he was nervous as well.
"okay, why did you take the captain spot?"
now it was your turn to freeze up. "i know larusso got hurt, but why you?" you tilted your head to the side a bit. "not like that! that was rude i didn't mean why you, i meant-"
"i know." it was the most you ever seen him talk at once and you almost didn't want to stop him. "i stopped fighting a few months ago. i lost a tournament. 3rd place. i tried to stay out of all the drama. i dedicated myself to school. i didn't think i would compete again." you took a deep breath. "i stopped fighting because i hated who i became when i learned how. i have regrets, a lot of them having to do with my teammates. this is my chance to fight for the right reasons. i owe it to them."
the silence weighed heavy. axel took in your words. "don't you owe it to yourself too?" he asked.
before you had a chance to answer, the waiter came over with the water you both asked for. you took a sip from your glass and when you met axel's eyes he was still waiting for your answer. you realized then that axel would never let you avoid or evade anything with him. you admired it. you had the tendency to shut down when it all got to be too much.
"i don't know." you shrugged. "it's complicated."
"sounds like it." axel's foot bumped your under the table. "sorry."
"it's okay." you bumped his foot back and then you two were playing footsie. it felt nice to be giggling with a boy you liked. you felt like a normal girl who could go on a date. you almost forgot what it felt like to relax before meeting axel.
you two recieved your food and about halfway through enjoying it, you froze. "what?" axel asked. he followed your line of sight out of the window until he saw miguel walking up to the entrance of the restaurant. "what's he doing here?" his entire demeanor changed. miguel's entrance made axel completely tense up. you were tense too but once you noticed axel's composure, everything clicked. the constant glares in the arena, his tendency to roar whenever your team was front and center to one of his matches, the shove he gave miguel earlier today. axel was jealous. it was amusing when it finally sank in. axel was jealous of the closest thing you ever got to a brother. you basically saw miguel as a germ and axel thought the two of you were together. the thought of a romance made you wildly uncomfortable because he was literally like your brother. it was like he completely missed any sam and miguel interaction. you noticed him holding open the door for sam but it was like axel was completely missing the big picture again.
"i invited him."
axel's heart dropped. he looked at you and you were smiling. proud of yourself. he felt sick. everything he tried not to think about you was true. you were using him, playing with him. he let himself get carried away with the idea that you could actually like him. "you what?"
"oh yeah, i told him to come. thought you should finally meet him." you pointed over his shoulder and he turned around, seeing miguel and sam kissing while swaying together. "and his girlfriend. sam."
axel went red with embarrassment and he quickly turned back around to face you. he didn't know how he could miss that. the two never left each others side on the mat until she got injured. he was the first one to run to her side when she got hurt. now, rethinking all the interactions that he seen between you and miguel, he may have been reading into some things. he turned back to you, shameful blush all over his face and ears.
"did you really think i was with miguel?" you scrunched your nose like miguel had cooties or something. "he's a brother to me."
"i'm sorry-"
"don't apologize to me, apologize to him." you couldn't help but laugh at the situation. "you're cute when you're jealous, axel." he felt his face burn even hotter. taking his hand in yours, you looked into his eyes. "i promise you can trust me."
he stared into your eyes and he was able to see that you also needed the reassurance. you weren't some master manipulator, you were a girl with stories and he wanted to hear all of them. he wanted to tell you his stories and create new ones with you. "and you can trust me."
at the same time, sam and miguel were seated at a table across the room. miguel's back was turned towards your table but sam had a clear view of the exchange.
the two of you had long forgotten sam and miguel, leaning over the table to kiss.
it was a syrupy sweet, playful kiss. your lips moved in time with the guitar playing in the background. you were giggling, and you could feel his smile against your lips. he gently bit your lip and you gasped, pulling away to peck his lips a few times before trailing your kisses away from his lips. you kissed the side of his mouth, all over his cheek, and over his jawline.
"i like you." you whisper when you get close to his ear.
"i like you too." he leaned into yours. "you wanna go?"
"okay." you nod and he stands up, taking your hand and leading you out of the restaurant.
the two of you spend the rest of the night kissing on the beach, both of you finally able to be yourselves with the other.
sam spends the rest of the night trying to focus on miguel and not the fact that you were macking it with the captain of terry silver's team.
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Navigating Betrayal: Reconciling Admiration with Disillusionment
Like many Neil Gaiman fans this month, I've been shocked and distressed by the news regarding the SA allegations. I won't go over the details, as they're readily available online. I'll start by saying that I believe the accusers, and even the most lenient interpretation of events is still troubling enough to discredit Gaiman. For a long time, I didn't know what to say. I was just shocked and, somewhat naively, felt betrayed. I don't typically idolize actors, authors, or other public figures—I'm here for the characters, they're who I love and believe in. So, how did I end up believing in this man and his rhetoric?
I only had a parasocial relationship with him, which is to say no real relationship at all. But I took his Masterclass on writing, spent hours taking notes, and learned from him. I feel betrayed by someone I saw as a beloved teacher. I know this is insignificant compared to what the women who came forward experienced, but it's a valid feeling, and I needed time to process it. My initial reaction was to throw out and discount everything he’s ever written or done—of course it was.
This isn't just about my love for Good Omens, although how can it not be? I learned so much from this man—about writing, about not being too hard on myself, about the creative process. I read his books to my middle school classes, and we all learned how to be better people from them. Today, I saw and bought Instructions, a children’s book by Neil Gaiman illustrated by Charles Vess, from the used bookstore where I volunteer. It was a used copy, so no royalties will go to him. It’s a beautifully illustrated book where the main character walks through a land that clearly symbolizes life, learning lessons like saying please and "if any creature cries to you that it hurts, if you can, ease its pain." How could someone write this and then do what he did? I asked myself. "What an evil hypocrite," was my first thought. But then I recalled a line from another author, Stephen King. In The Stand, a character is described as "awake at the lectern, but asleep at the switch," meaning they know the right thing to do and can talk about it, but in the moment of choice, they act without integrity.
I don’t know if I’m making sense, but I think it’s too easy to label Gaiman as simply evil, as if he intentionally manipulated us by saying the right things just to make us read or watch his creations. The reality is likely far more complicated. Within this man is the amazing, thought-provoking, life-affirming wisdom that many of us have tried to live by, but also the hard, thoughtless, selfish cruelty that led him to abuse young, vulnerable women. The wisdom does not justify the abuse, and the abuse does not nullify the wisdom.
I think it's too simplistic to say Gaiman is despicable and always has been, hiding it from us all along. This doesn't acknowledge the complexity of human nature—that there is potential for both good and bad within us all. As it’s said, possibly by Terry Pratchett or possibly by Neil Gaiman, “It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.”
Gaiman is a man who has done some fundamentally good things and some fundamentally bad things. I can’t forget either one.
This is just my opinion. I know some people want to cancel him, while others want to exonerate him. You do you. As for me, I will continue to love Aziraphale and Crowley. I will continue to read and create fan-fiction. I will continue to find comfort and wisdom in books that have meant so much to me over the years. But I will also remember that they were created by a very flawed man whom I can no longer trust.
I understand that opinions on this matter vary widely. I know some people might feel that not discarding everything associated with him is wrong, but this is where I stand. I’m not looking to debate this or be told how I should react. I just needed to process my thoughts in writing and move forward in the way that feels right for me.
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mark me in your heart
PAIRING: drug dealer!mark x bartender!reader (female!reader)
GENRE: angst, smut, kinda friends with benefits au, bartender!renjun, best friend!renjun, action au, open-ended narrative
WARNINGS: mentions of alcohol, explicit description of drug use (don't do drugs kids), use of pet names, trust issues, explicit language, mentions of food, smoking, emotionally unavailable characters, both mark and y/n are kind of assholes, explicit sexual content, angry make-up sex, rough-ish sex, unprotected sex (!always use protection!), heavy make out, choking, lip biting, nipple play, pussy slapping, spitting, oral (both m and f receiving), degradation, praise, spanking, crying, hair pulling, incredibly cringey dirty talking, aftercare (?), not proofread (let me know if i missed any!)
WC: 13k (12,975)
‣[PLAYLIST]: 505 by arctic monkeys, bad omens by 5 seconds of summer, slow down by chase atlantic, why do you only call me when you’re high? by arctic monkeys, a little death by the neighborhood, okay by chase atlantic
SUMMARY: when a sensitive and broken heart meets another one of the same nature, their instinctive reaction is to seek comfort in each other, and in order to heal themselves, they both need to be equally strong and willing to put all their broken pieces back together. but sometimes, some hearts aren’t strong enough to be saved; the only way to save them is if the stronger heart of the two is willing to take the risk and try for the both of them, whatever it takes.
A/N: it's finally here! it took me too long to finish this one but here it is! i know it might seem a bit fast paced or vague in certain parts, but remember this is all about the vibes and i deeply hope that you will enjoy it and give it some love because it definitely needs it <3
read on wattpad / ao3
“Hey Renjun, pass me that glass” you said as you wiped the thick tall glass completely dry before you put it back on the shelf behind you. You were moving mechanically at this point, the exhaustion of the long night at the bar taking over your entire body. It was 5 in the morning and you had just barely managed to kick out some of the remaining drunk nobodies who were so wasted, that their toxic-infused brains couldn’t even give them the signals to move their own bodies.
Working at the bar wasn’t your dream job but it’s not as if you had a better choice. It was either a bartender or a stripper. Both of them sounded equally bad, so you decided to opt for the slightly better one. If you could even say it like that.
It wasn’t a particularly ideal job but it was enough to get you by. It earned you enough money to buy you food and pay the rent at the motel you were staying at, it got you as many free drinks as you needed to help your mind escape from all your worries and you also got to meet some relatively cool people, so that was somewhat good. The working hours weren’t such a big of an issue either, you couldn’t really sleep anyway. So you were fine with it.
Most nights, the bar usually closed at around 3 am. There wasn’t a set rule on this; it usually depended on how many customers there were and how much they were drinking. Your boss had suggested that you shouldn’t keep the bar open all night long, so you kinda decided that it was best to close a few hours after midnight. You weren’t complaining about this though; the sooner it closed, the more time you’d have to get high with your co-worker Renjun at the alleyway behind the bar.
Unfortunately, tonight luck wasn’t on your side, as a group of friends kept on drinking more and more as the hours passed by, which meant that you and Renjun had to keep the bar open until later. You weren’t opposed to this idea, it only meant that you would earn a little bit more money. It was Renjun who started complaining, so he decided to take action into his own hands and practically dragged the drunks out of the bar.
This is how you ended up cleaning up the place this late, rather this early in the morning, with your co-worker. The two of you were too tired to speak, so neither of you made any efforts to spark up a conversation. You both just attended to your respective tasks, waiting for a specific somebody to show up.
Luck surely wasn’t on your side tonight. He would usually show up at around 3:30 am, right after the bar closed, and he would have all the stuff ready, just at the exact moment you needed it. Why was he late today?
It didn’t take a genius to understand that Renjun was clearly affected by the lack of the stuff. He moved around the place nervously, tugging at his hair and stomping his foot rhythmically. He was in a desperate need of it, and you would honestly lie to yourself if you said you didn’t need it half as much as Renjun did.
You put the last clean glass on the shelf behind you and went over to the storage room to grab a broom, so that you could clean the floor a bit while Renjun was still wiping the bar counters. As soon as you closed the door of the storage room, the little bell that hung above the bar’s front door rang with a tinkle and soon after it followed the sound of the so familiar footsteps you were waiting for all night.
“Hey kids, Santa’s here,” his voice resonated in the empty room as he waved a small transparent plastic bag that looked white because of its content. Renjun threw the handkerchief he was holding to the other side of the counter and dramatically jumped over it to go and hug the male who just entered. All of that just at the sight of the clear plastic bag with the snowy content.
“Mark, what took you so long my guy, I’m literally a dead man walking! Give this beauty to me,” Renjun exclaimed and snatched the plastic bag straight out of Mark’s hand. Mark smirked at what Renjun said and immediately started grinning at the sight of the boy’s eagerness.
Renjun went to sit on the bar stool closer to him and placed the bag on top of the counter he had just wiped clean. With slender fingers, he opened the plastic bag and dredged some of the content on the counter. With nervousness in his movements, he set the bag aside and shuffled through his back pocket to find his ID card. He started scattering the white dust all over the counter before he gathered all of it in a straight line with the help of his ID card. When he was satisfied with the result, he put his ID card back into his pocket, lowered his head to the level that his nose touched the cold surface of the counter, took a deep breath and snorted the entire line of crack, the product going straight up into his nostrils.
Renjun blinked several times before he slowly lifted his head. He scrunched his nose and wiped it with the back of his hand, his drowsy eyes looking surprisingly bright considering his state. “Man, whoever hasn’t done crack, never, they haven’t known the beauty of life yet” he chuckled. Mark smirked at Renjun’s comment and you couldn’t help but shake your head amusingly, a small smile creeping up at your face.
Renjun took the plastic bag with the rest of the cocaine and put it in his pocket. “This baby’s for me, thank you,” he amused and turned his heel towards the storage room. “Don’t come look for me, I’ll be right here. If I take too long to come out, then you should be concerned,” he said and closed the storage room door behind him; a scene that was surprisingly quite familiar to you.
You then set the broom down and walked towards Mark. “Hey” you whispered and Mark greeted you back in a low husky voice. “What took you so long? We were expecting you to come earlier” you asked him.
Mark shrugged and leaned his elbow against the counter. “I came by at our usual meeting hour and saw that you guys were still open. I couldn’t risk anyone seeing me so I decided to drop by later,” he said and you nodded in understanding.
“You do have more of those plastic bags on you, don’t you?” you asked him and he chuckled. “Of course I do, pretty. Let’s go outside and treat ourselves a bit, shall we?” he suggested and you nodded again, walking beside him towards the alleyway behind the bar.
The sky was painted in a deep hue of light blue, the moon and the stars still visible in the early morning sky, the sun barely seen in the horizon. You huffed in a sharp breath and put both your hands inside the pockets of your jeans as a reaction to the crispy air of the early morning, as you leaned your back on the damp wall behind you. Mark followed right after you and did the same. He shuffled into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out a clear plastic bag full of crack, two crack pipes and a lighter. With almost automatic motions, he filled the pipes with crack and lit them up. He handed you one of them and kept one for himself.
You looked at the crack pipe as if it were an oasis in the middle of an infinite desert and you were so thirsty that your dried up mouth and throat were already relieved just by the sight of it. It only took you one second to react to the visual stimuli in front of you, quickly removing your right hand from your pocket and pulling the pipe straight from Mark’s hand. You brought the pipe to your lips, closed your eyes and took a long, slow drag. This was exactly what you needed.
You immediately felt your body relax and your mind clearing up. The moment you took the drag in, all your worries and problems completely vanished, even if it were only temporary. It was your brief sweet escape from the huge bitter world you were forced to live in.
A chilly breeze flew and you lifted your shoulders at the shivering sensation. Mark noticed immediately and he pulled you closer to him, removed one of the sleeves of his jacket and draped it over your shoulder, slinging his arm over it too.
"So," Mark spoke up, breaking the easing silence, "how was work today?"
You shrugged your shoulders. "Eh, like usual. Bunch of random people came in to drink their problems away and give us their money in exchange for adulterated alcohol. But Renjun had to drag some of them out of the bar, he literally grabbed them by their collar and feet and dragged them out of the store, you should have seen it. It was way too funny" you said and chuckled at the memory of the incident that happened a couple hours ago.
Mark giggled at your statement. "Damn," he dragged out the word, "too bad I missed that" he said and brought the crack pipe to his lips and squinted his eyes in pleasure and relief when he inhaled the poisonous content.
The next few minutes remained silent. There was only the sound of cars passing by being heard in the distance, it was probably people going to their early shifts at work. Normal types of work. Unlike the one you had, unlike the fate you brought upon yourself. That’s when the realization of your situation hit you like a truck. How could your family cut you off so easily when they found out that your dreams were different from what they were expecting of you? Were you just a tool for them? Another burden to take care of?
"You seem unhappy" Mark broke the silence. He was looking straight ahead in the distance, his eyes focusing on nothing in particular, probably because he was a bit too high to notice anything.
"Because I am" you responded to his comment, turning your head to look at him, searching for a sense of home into his soulless eyes.
Mark smirked and turned his attention to his heels. "You know, I wanna help. Right? You know that" he said with a raspy voice due to his sleeplessness. "But I don't think that feeding you drugs is any help" he now turned his head to look you in the eyes.
You pressed your lips into a thin line before you spoke. "I ask for the drugs Mark, you're not feeding me anything. It's my only escape, what else am I supposed to do?"
"I love you, Y/n" Mark said.
You winced at his confession and turned your head to avoid his gaze and fixating yours on the wide sky ahead of you.
"You're high, Mark. Cut the crap" you said in a bitter tone.
"Do you think I'm lying? I mean it, Y/n. I fucking love you, for whatever reason I do. And I care about you, so come with me and let's get out of this shitty town. I’m running out of time too, they’ll soon find where I live" Mark defended himself.
You turned again to meet his eyes. "And go where, Mark? Where the fuck should we go, huh? I don't have anything else to do other than this shitty job. I only keep it because I need the money to survive and it's the only way to keep myself sane. The people I used to call family kicked me out of my house and this was the easiest solution I could come up with before I would collapse entirely and before it would become too difficult to get back on my own feet. So what else is left for me to do?" you were clearly getting angrier now, but not at Mark. At yourself.
Mark's eyes darkened in sadness. "That's what I'm saying! You deserve better than this! Look, we have enough money. I do deals, but I know this is a job I can't have forever. I told you, I’m on thin ice. If I’m seen doing deals again, I’ll go to jail. You know I play the guitar, right? I can join a band or something. I know a friend downtown, he might be of help" he said.
"And you," he continued, "you're a great bartender. You could make a career out of it" he said.
You shut your eyelids and shook your head in denial. "It won't work out. I'm a mess, you're a mess. We can't make this work. It's impossible" you said, turning your head away.
Mark sat up straight and put his hand below your chin to turn your attention towards him. "Look at me, Y/n. We can make it work. Believe me. Trust me. I can't leave you living like this. And I certainly can't live a life like this myself. You're the only person I can make a change with. I need you" he said.
You gulped and stared right into his eyes, unable to form a response. "So you just need me as a means to get you out of town and help you start your magical new life. No thanks, Mark, I'll pass" you said and shoved his hand away to release his grip on you.
Mark became frustrated and moved to stand right in front of you. The half of his jacket that was wrapped around your shoulders dropped and it hung behind his back.
"Okay, look Y/n, you're tired and you're high. We'll have this conversation again in the morning" Mark said defeated.
Your energy was running low despite the boost of energy you had just inhaled, so you let yourself loose. "Let's get you back to your room. You need some rest. Come on, I'll drop you off" Mark suggested and you gave in to him completely.
You took a step towards him and stumbled a bit. Mark, with his rapid reflexes, caught you firmly by the forearm and guided you to his car. The last thing you remembered was the faint sound of the car door closing, before you were engulfed into pretty sleep.
The next day you woke up to the sound of light guitar strumming from across the dim lit motel room. It was already past noon; the curtains were still drawn closed but the midday sun rays found their way in between the curtain folds and peaked through the dirty motel room windows to light up the inside of the place.
Mark was sitting on a wooden chair across the bed with a concentrated look on his face. With his jaw clenched and his cheekbones popping, he strum his fingers through the guitar strings, playing random chords in an attempt to create a melody he liked.
You shuffled between the bedsheets and stretched your body all over the old bed. A squeaky sound echoed in the room due to your sudden movement, which caught Mark’s attention. His strumming stopped abruptly and his head jolted up in surprise, his eyes opened wide and his lips dropped to a pout.
“Did I wake you up? Shit, I’m sorry” he whispered, trying to be as quiet as possible.
You rubbed your eyes to clear your vision and looked at him. “No, you didn’t. I like what you’re playing. Sounds pretty” you reassured him. “Good morning, Mark”
His previously guilty expression was taken over by a wide grin appearing on his face, which turned into a bright smile. “Good morning, pretty,” he said.
You smiled at him and he went back on strumming random chords on his guitar. His eyebrows scrunched in concentration and you couldn’t help but giggle at the sight of his messy hair and wrinkly t-shirt due to the, apparently, good quality sleep he just had. Your obsessive thoughts took over once again and didn’t let you enjoy this glimpse of happiness in the abyss of misery you were engulfed in. Your lips gradually dropped to a frown and your vision became blurry again.
Mark wasn’t perfect, but neither were you. He came into your life at the perfect moment, when you needed him the most. It was your first day at the bar, your first time as a bartender. Renjun had been training you all day, teaching you the basic parts of the job and giving you tips on how to handle weird or creepy customers. You were completely drained out that day, so your co-worker and soon-to-be best friend had promised you a pleasant surprise by the end of your shift.
Renjun’s definition of a “pleasant surprise” was slightly different from yours. That night, Mark walked into the empty bar with steps full of confidence. You didn’t know him back then, but from the very first second you saw his figure enter your life, there was only one word that kept circulating your mind; trouble.
Mark was trouble. With his sharp gaze and well-defined features, captivating aura and assertive moves, it was more than obvious that this guy would mean nothing but trouble to you. For some inexplicable reason, this was exactly why you were instantly attracted to him.
Mark came in carrying all the usual stuff Renjun wanted and gave them over to him without talking much. The two guys seemed to share a lot of past memories together, and you were right. Renjun had filled you in later that night on his relationship with Mark and how they helped each other stand back up on their own feet after they were forced to leave home. A story very familiar to you.
Mark came by the bar every single night. He didn’t give Renjun drugs every time, but he sure enjoyed both your and Renjun’s company. It’s not as if he had anywhere else to go.
That’s how you grew quite fond of him very easily. You found yourself looking forward to the end of your shift just so you could see him. He once offered you drugs but immediately took back his offer when he saw your shocked expression. You were at the lowest point in your life and doing drugs wouldn’t be the wisest habit to take up, even though this was, at the same time, the exact reason why you should do drugs. Eventually, reality hit you and you caved in, waiting for Mark to come at the end of your shift for one more reason other than just seeing him. He was reluctant at first. Mark didn’t want to drag you into this lifestyle, so you annoyed him and begged for it until he finally gave you the lethal medicine.
You and Mark were surprisingly very similar. Maybe that’s why you bonded so fast with each other. And maybe that’s exactly why you were equally bad for each other. You could see so much of yourself in him, just at a more put-together version. Sure, he was a drug dealer, which was certainly not a better job than yours, but he at least seemed to have a purpose in his life. Unlike you.
As time passed, you started spending more and more time with him. You would smoke crack, get high, talk endlessly until your mouths dried up, go back to your motel room, have sex with each other, and repeat. You found comfort in his presence and became attached to him without even noticing.
But you didn’t love him. No, you couldn’t call this love. Rather, you were depending on him, no matter how much you hated that. He acted as an emotional support beacon to you, you enjoyed his company and, if you were honest, you genuinely liked him. But it was hard for you to admit to any deeper feelings, so you repeatedly tried to convince yourself that you didn’t love him, so that it wouldn’t hurt as much if he ever decided to switch on you. You hoped it wouldn’t turn out like that.
You lightly shook your head to get rid of all these thoughts and got out of bed to wash up a bit. “I’m starving, I’ll go down to the diner to grab some breakfast, do you want anything?” you asked Mark as you were heading towards the humid bathroom.
“Let’s go eat there. Together” Mark suggested and you stopped at your steps.
He always avoided going out in places that were too public because he was at risk of being outed as a dealer. Especially now that he was caught selling drugs once and the guy who saw him threatened to report Mark to the police.
“Are you out of your fucking mind? You’re on thin ice, you said that yourself” you raised the tone of your voice and walked towards him.
Mark put down his guitar to focus on you. “You worry too much Y/n, like, what are the odds? We’re in the middle of nowhere, I doubt anyone knows this place apart from us and the customers of your bar. I think we’ll be fine,” he cleared his throat, “I mean, I’ll be fine. Relax, I wanna spend some time with you.”
You decided against protesting and trusted Mark’s certainty of his words. Besides, he was right. The diner was out of town, it wasn’t very popular among people who weren’t familiar with the bar. Most customers at the diner were either drunk people from the bar or passersby. So you simply just nodded and whispered a soft “okay” before you went inside the bathroom, the door emitting a creaking sound as you closed it shut behind you.
The screeching sound of the fork scratching the surface of the porcelain plate turned your facial expression into a wince, which went completely unnoticed by Mark whose attention was entirely devoted to the pancakes in front of him.
The old diner was relatively empty despite it being lunch time. Other than you and Mark, there was only a group of friends and a guy sitting on a barstool. You were actually very satisfied with the quietness of the place, which was only disrupted by sounds of forks scraping plates and glasses thudding on the tables.
The diner was situated right down the same road your motel was at, so anytime your stomach growled in annoyance you would stop by and fulfill its needs. You were practically a regular customer now and probably the one who kept the place from going bankrupt. It was old, cheap and dirty; the perfect place for you.
Mark gulped down the last bite of his pancakes and thirstily drank the entire glass of water. He then set the glass down and leaned back on the booth, fixating his gaze on you.
You noticed his eager eyes on you and you set down your fork, mimicking his stance and staring right back at him, waiting for him to speak.
"That was a pretty good meal" Mark sighed and you smiled a bit. This wasn't what he wanted to say.
Since Mark seemed to be unwilling to speak his mind, you decided to take matters into your own hands instead.
"Why did you want to have lunch with me?" you asked him with your voice calm and your eyes searching for an answer in his.
Mark crossed his arms and scrunched up his nose before he answered your question. "’Cause I wanted to spend time with you. Actual time. You know, like normal people?" he said.
You rolled your eyes at his response and mimicked his body language once again, crossing your arms over your chest. "I don't buy it, Mark" you said.
Mark sat up straight and leaned closer to the table, resting his elbows on top of it. "Why are you always like this, Y/n? Whenever I tell you something, you never believe me! What's up with you?" Mark's frustration started building up in his attempt to defend himself.
"It's not that I don't believe you-"
"It's that you don't trust me" Mark interrupted you and you stood there with your mouth still open. You didn't know what to say.
Mark's gaze was piercing, his sharp eyes were darker than usual and his lips quivered at the blank stare you were giving him. "You don't trust me," he concluded.
The truth is that you weren't sure if you trusted him or not. You wanted to trust him and he had proved to you numerous times that he was someone who cared and didn't lie. Yet sometimes, you were afraid that if you trusted him too much, he would end up hurting you. So every time he said something you weren't expecting him to say, you immediately assumed that he was lying.
"Mark, listen to me," you started to say and Mark sat back against the booth, rolling his eyes. "I-I do trust you, it's just that-"
"What? You think I don't mean what I say? If I didn't meant what I fucking said then I wouldn't fucking say it! When I say I care about you, Y/n, I fucking mean it. When I say I fucking love y-"
"Don't get mad" you were the one that interrupted him now. Mark was clearly way too frustrated by you now, his voice was getting gradually louder, his eyes were full of fire and his nostrils were fuming.
At the sudden raise of Mark’s voice, the guy who was sitting at the barstool turned to look at your booth with a brief glance and then returned back to eating his food.
"Mark, just let it go, please" your voice came out almost like a whisper. You hated when Mark became angry at you and you hated it even more when he did it in public, even though it was practically just you and him in that diner.
Mark's jaw visibly relaxed and he lowered his eyes to his lap, nodding to himself. He lifted his head to look back at you with pleading eyes, much in contrast with his previous fiery gaze.
"Then why don't you come with me? Out of this fucking town? You deserve to live a better life than this. We deserve it. Look, I know I don't have an exact plan on how we'll do it, but I know that we can figure it out together. Please, Y/n" he said, taking your hand in his from across the table, rubbing your knuckles with his thumb.
You lowered your eyes at the spot your hands were joined together. Did you really love Mark? No, actually, did you really trust him enough to depend your entire life on him?
You couldn't give him an answer at that moment. Not a yes, not a no. Not even I don't know. Forget that, it would complicate things even more.
Mark noticed that you weren't going to give him an answer to his question soon, so he let go of your hand and started putting on his jacket. He reached into the inside pocket and took out some cash. He slammed it on the table and got up from the booth ready to leave.
"I have to go to work now, alright? I've arranged some deals. I'll come back later at the bar tonight. If you ever decide what you want to do with me, you know where to find me" he said and without even turning to look at him, you heard the sound of his footsteps grow fainter as he walked out the diner.
The bar was relatively full tonight. From behind the counter, you could spot only two empty tables. That was the fullest the bar has been in the last month. At the far back of the bar, you spotted Renjun already counting the tips he had earned and it was still midnight.
All the customers were busy chatting and enjoying their drinks. You found yourself craving some alcohol too, the need for an intoxicant substance was growing stronger and stronger, so you decided to mix just a little bit of something to treat yourself.
As you were filling in your glass, Renjun walked behind the counter and leaned close to your ear to speak, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to hear him through the loud chatting of the customers. “Man, I think we are in heaven, I lost count of my tips and I’m not even high yet” he said and you giggled at him.
He noticed the bottle of vodka you were holding and nudged you on your forearm. “Hey, pour me some of that too” he asked and your response was to grab a glass from the shelf behind the counter and fill it with the toxic liquid.
You had barely stopped filling in the glass when Renjun grabbed it and downed the liquid in an instant. He placed the glass on top of the counter with a thud and licked his lips, savoring the bitter taste. “What’s up with you and Mark?” Renjun asked you. You contemplated whether you should answer him or pretend you didn’t hear him just to buy you some time. A good couple of seconds passed so you just caved in and answered him.
“I don’t know. Go and ask him.” you said in a tone filled with nonchalance, sipping on your drink.
Renjun rested his elbows on the counter, his eyes scanning the place around him. “He said the exact same fucking thing when I asked him about you. You can’t be running in a vicious circle all the time. Just fuck it out, you’re both acting like little kids” he said and you sighed at his scolding tone.
Renjun wasn’t just your co-worker, he had also grown to become your best friend, a person you could talk to freely without fear of judgment because he always understood your intentions. Engulfed in your misery and loneliness, he was the person who helped you get back on your feet and have hope that things will somehow get slightly better. That sounds like something a friend would do.
You brought the glass to your lips to drink the last sip of vodka that was still inside, leaving it empty waiting to be filled with more of that toxic liquid. “You wanna know what, Renjun? Even though I hate the life I’ve made for myself, I enjoy having Mark in it. But I can’t do what he asks me to do. I can’t depend my entire life on him. I can count on him for some of it, yes, but starting anew with him? I don’t know. I really don’t. I’m not the kind of person you want to start a life with. I will fuck everything up. And he shouldn’t count on me as much as he does. It’s for the better. For both of us.”
Renjun kept staring at you, waiting for your little rant to be over so that he could take his turn to speak. He gulped and looked at your burnt out figure. Your eyeballs were turning a bit crimson due to the line of cocaine you snorted earlier, even though you promised you’d wait until Mark came later, and the lack of sleep provided you with dark hues under your eyes and skin as pale as the moon.
“Look, Y/n,” Renjun started and came a bit closer to you so that he wouldn’t have to strain his vocal chords in order to be heard, “I see your point. And I understand exactly what you mean because I felt the same way when I came here. But in my case, I had nobody to lean on. I became an addict, left home and the rest of the story is familiar to you. But you and Mark have each other and, trust me, your future is looking way brighter than mine.”
You looked into his eyes searching for honesty. Renjun has always been honest with you and you never doubted any of his words. He really cared about you. Mark too, as it seemed. And he was right. Living in a cheap motel, starving and working long hours to barely make ends meet, depending on drugs and more specifically on an exceptionally lovely drug dealer wasn’t the life you imagined to have. But fate had different plans for you and now you ended up here, whatever this here is supposed to be.
Mark didn’t seem to be ill-intentioned. From the very first moment you met him, he was protective and caring, he had always treated you nice. He spoke to you softly and touched you in a just as smooth way. But the life he was living wasn’t that much better than yours; in fact, you could say it was even worse. He depended on you as much as you depended on him.
You didn’t know what was the thing that made you keep a sort of distance from him. Emotional distance. Part of it might be because you weren’t available to be fully devoted to him, because of fear that one day he would leave you, just like everyone else did. Part of it might be because the two of you weren’t so different and two broken souls mending together doesn’t necessarily make a fully healed one.
“I’ll talk to him when I’m ready. I could do it later but I’m afraid I’ll be too high to think rationally. Or maybe this will give me more insight, I don’t know, I’ve never thought of it. Do you think clearer when you’re high?” you asked Renjun but he was preoccupied, looking at the screen of his phone which radiated such brightness his eyes squinted as a reflex.
Scanning his features more carefully, you realized that the reason for his scrunched expression wasn’t lying solely on the brightness of the screen. You took half a step closer to him and Renjun tilted his phone away from you, hiding the screen from your eyesight.
“What’s wrong, Renjun?” you asked with worry lacing the tone of your voice. Renjun shook his head and put his phone away in his back pocket. “Mark won’t be coming by later. Something came up, I’m afraid we’re in trouble too. Listen, can you handle the bar for a couple hours by yourself? Mark needs some help” Renjun said, searching for his jacket underneath the counter.
Your eyes widened at Renjun’s words and you felt your heartbeat racing and your fingertips trembling. “Is Mark okay? Tell me, is he okay?” your rising voice quivered, betraying the nervousness you felt.
Renjun squeezed your shoulder and pressed his lips together in an attempt of a reassuring smile. “Yes, he is alright. He’s fine. He just needs some help with the cops. If you see anyone suspicious showing up, flash the stashes down the toilet, we don’t want them finding anything. I’ll be back soon.”
With swift movements, Renjun turned his heel to walk out the bar in a hurry, muttering something under his breath that, due to your shocked and nervous state, you failed to hear, “How am I gonna save your ass this time, Mark?”
As soon as you heard the bell on top of the bar’s front door tinkle, you knew that Renjun was already outside and you were left alone in the bar. You were left standing frozen behind the counter, staring into nothingness. Your vision became blurry due to the tears that threatened to spill from the corners of your eyes, your hands curled into fists and your nails were digging deep into your palms, cold sweat forming at the sides of your forehead.
You were terrified. Mark was already caught selling drugs very recently, so your mind went to the worst case scenario which made you extremely terrified; that Mark was caught selling drugs by the police.
You dreaded this moment at the exact same time your eyes met Mark’s sharp ones. You knew that, once you became thick as thieves with a drug dealer, you would be in for a lot of trouble.
But you also knew how careful Mark was and this gave you hope that, whatever the case is right now, he would find a way to get himself out of there. Mark was a smart guy. You wanted to trust him, you wanted to believe that he would be smart enough not to get himself in trouble.
Yet something didn’t add up. Mark has been doing these types of deals for a long time now, he knew all the tricks of the job and he knew very well how to protect himself. So it sounded almost impossible that he would do something so reckless and irresponsible to get him caught.
There was only one possible and logical answer to all of your questions. That somebody ratted him out.
Your train of thought was disrupted by the husky voice of a man. “Excuse me, miss, would you mind pouring me a drink?”
Your head snapped at the sudden sound of a voice other than the one inside your head. Your eyes met with a man sitting on a barstool at the other side of the counter, looking at you with wary eyes. Your gaze was roaming all over his figure when your eyes halted for a second as soon as they spotted something shiny at the right side of the man’s chest; a badge.
You cleared your throat to cover up the anxiety and fear that started to appear in your voice. “Officer! What can I get you?” you greeted him with bright eyes and a cheerful voice that masked your intense heartbeat and the trembling state of your hands behind the counter.
“Actually, I don’t want a drink,” he started and moved his hand inside his jacket to pull out a file with pictures and papers, “but I do want you to help me with something. Have you ever seen this guy?” he asked you, placing the file on the counter and turning it to your side.
You gulped at the sight in the front of you and your eyes quivered from side to side. A mugshot of the face you grew to almost love was staring back at you. Sharp gaze and popping cheekbones, defined jawline and dark eyes were presented in front of you and you knew more than well enough who the person in the picture was.
Your heart sank at the sight of Mark’s mugshot and you knew what you had to do. You drew in your eyebrows together and lifted the picture with your hand in order to bring it closer to your eyes and examine it better. “I don’t think I recognize this man, officer” you said.
You set the picture down on top of the counter and looked at the police officer, not trying to avoid eye contact. You wanted to seem as less guilty as possible.
The police officer took the picture and put it back inside the file. “Really? That’s a shame. But I’ve been informed that you do know this guy because you were seen with him this morning.”
You froze immediately. Your brain tried to put all the pieces of the puzzle together, you tried to digest and connect everything the cop just said in order to form your answer.
“Are you sure about this, officer? A lot of other girls look like me, maybe it was a mistake?” you asked with a rising intonation in an attempt to defend yourself by adding another lie to your previous one.
You tried to remember where you could be possibly seen with Mark, especially during the day. You always met with him at night and you avoided seeing each other in the morning. There was no way anyone saw you with Mark.
The moment you had this thought, the answer to your question suddenly popped up in your head as if a lit up light bulb. That morning, you and Mark had breakfast down at the diner. And you specifically remember that suspicious guy who kept staring at the two of you.
That’s when you knew you had to do something drastic to get you out of this situation, and you had to do it relatively fast.
The police officer didn’t seem to buy the lie you had just uttered and continued to pressure you more. “Is this where you keep all the drinks? Can I take a look inside your storage room?”
The rhythm of your heartbeat kept increasing more and more by each word the police officer said and you were running out of lies and excuses.
“Sure, it’s this way officer” you said with a nonchalant tone, gesturing towards the door behind the counter.
The cop stood up and turned his heel to walk behind the counter and towards the storage room door. Your trembling hands had barely managed to hide the stashes you kept behind the cash register under your oversized shirt, and you followed the cop inside the storage room with uncertain steps.
The police officer could not find the rest of the stashes. It shouldn’t happen, and you had to act smart in order to prevent it. “Can I help you with something, officer? We can’t stay in here for too long, my co-worker finished early and we’re not allowed to leave the bar without having anyone to tend to the customers” you said in an attempt to speed up the process and get rid of him before he could find anything that could put you in jail.
“You can go back to your work, miss. This is my job here, you can go and do yours” the cop said as he had already taken a bottle of vodka in his hand to examine it for anything suspicious.
“Okay, I just wanted to help. Call me if you need anything,” your answer was convincing enough for him, but it wasn’t good enough for you to buy you more time.
You left the storage room and stood right outside the door, leaving it so open as to let you peek through it so that you were able to see what the police officer was doing.
With your still trembling fingers, you took out your phone from your pocket and dialed Renjun’s number with quick movements. Without taking your eyes away from the cop, you kept tapping your foot waiting for Renjun to pick up his phone.
The constant beeping sound in your ear signaled that Renjun wasn’t going to respond soon, so you put your phone back in your pocket and tried to think of what to do.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck” you muttered under your breath, running your fingers through your hair. Your eyes were wavering from the police officer to the customers in the bar and then back to the police officer. You had to do something to get everyone out of there.
Your eyes followed the cop’s figure and certainly didn’t like what you were seeing. The cop squatted down so that he could reach the boxes under the shelves and stretched his arm to pull out one of them.
“No, no, no, fuck” you whispered. Those are the boxes in which you hid the drugs.
You turned your head to look at the inside of the bar. It was fully packed. There was not any chair or barstool that was empty and, just at that moment, the door opened to reveal a group of friends who wanted to get drunk and have fun just like the rest of the people inside the bar.
The only person who wasn’t having any fun right now was you. And obviously Mark and Renjun as well, who you had no idea about their whereabouts or their well-being. On any random night, all these people in the bar would equal a pretty satisfactory amount of tips that would make your life slightly easier to get by. However, you could definitely not say that for this particular night, when your main priority was your and your friends’ safety.
Shifting your gaze from the customers to the police officer and back to your phone for any missed calls or unread messages from either Renjun or Mark, you were completely on your own on this one. Cold sweat engulfed your entire body as the seconds passed and the cop was one step closer to finding the thing that could turn your entire life upside down.
You swallowed thickly and looked at your phone one last time. No sign of anybody.
“Okay, I got this” you muttered to yourself and walked behind the counter where you usually stood. A middle-aged woman was sitting on one of the barstools, smoking and sipping lightly from the cocktail you mixed for her earlier. You picked up the first bottle of alcohol you saw on the counter - you didn’t have the time to care what it was - and walked towards her.
“Excuse me, miss, would you like a refill?” you asked politely to gain her attention. Before she even opened her mouth to speak, your actions were faster than her words. You quickly snatched the cigarette from her hand and put it out on the counter, immediately pouring some alcohol right on that spot.
Soon enough, flames started building up and the counter caught on fire. The smell of smoke became suffocating and it was hard to breathe in such a small space full of people. Your plan worked.
Muttering a string of “sorrys” to the woman, you turned around to pull the fire alarm. Every customer turned their heads to the direction of the piercing sound full of worry. “Everyone must get out, the building is on fire!” you yelled as loudly as you could, motioning everyone out the door.
Very quickly, you managed to evacuate the building by leading all the panicked customers outside the bat through the front door. In the midst of all this chaos, you noticed with the corner of your eye the police officer you rushed out of the storage room without looking any scared at all.
You ushered the last customers outside as the fire grew bigger, eventually leaving you and the cop as the only ones inside the flaming place. As he passed by you to get out the bar, he leaned closer to your face and whispered. "That was smart, young lady," he said and walked outside towards his car.
So he knew, you thought. He knew all along about the drug deals happening in this place and mainly the drug possession. He almost tricked you into thinking you tricked him. How amateurish of you.
You walked out the bar and shut the door behind you, watching the police officer drive away. A sigh of temporary relief escaped your lips and you pulled out your phone to dial a phone number you weren't particularly happy to call. Waiting for a few seconds, you heard the dreadful voice on the other line. "Hey boss, um, is it easy for you to come down to the bar? We kinda have a small problem" you said with a rapidly beating heart.
The time was already 3:16. You were pacing around your motel room, patiently waiting for any news about Mark. You had already called and texted him multiple times, but all of your efforts to reach him went in vain.
A few minutes after you called your boss, she arrived at the bar, totally shocked and deeply saddened upon seeing her not-so-small business all up in flames. You explained to her what happened, shaping the story so as not to sound guilty, and luckily she didn't blame you for anything.
After the firefighters arrived, your boss encouraged you to go home, saying that you already went through a lot for the night, so you needed to get some rest.
So now you were back to your motel room, unable to get some rest because you were still scared about yourself and your previous interaction with that police officer. But most importantly, you were anxious about Mark.
You were terrified for him. And your fear only increased because you couldn’t do anything to help him or save him. You realized that you depended on him twice as much as he depended on you and that made you feel useless in situations like this. Knowing that Renjun was - probably - with him eased your nerves a bit, but, at the same time, knowing that you didn’t do anything to help him made you feel selfish and hopeless.
Everything you did tonight was to save no one else but yourself. The entire night, you kept worrying about yourself and how you could avoid going to jail when during those very same moments in time you had no idea how Mark was or what he was going through.
Mark wasn’t the helpless one in this situation; it was you.
As you picked up your phone to call Renjun again, a loud thumping noise on the door startled you. Your body jolted up upon hearing the sudden sound and you walked nervously towards the door to look outside through the peephole.
Your eyes widened in shock and surprise at the sight of the face that was constantly on your mind. You didn’t waste any time opening the door and pulling the boy you were aching to see all night long inside the motel room, wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug.
You rested your head in the crook of Mark’s neck and he reacted to your touch in an instant, stretching his arms to the small of your back to hug you as tightly as he physically could.
Tears fell from the corners of your eyes and you pulled back just as much as you needed in order to look into Mark’s exhausted eyes without breaking the embrace. “You can’t imagine how scared I was,” you whispered.
Mark stared deeply into your watery eyes. He moved his hands to cup both of your cheeks and nodded his head when he processed what you just said. “I know, I was terrified too. Renjun came to help me but we kinda fucked it up" he said with a stinging tone in his voice.
“What happened?” you asked and Mark let go of you and walked towards the bed in the middle of the room, sitting on the edge of it. You copied his movements and sat down right next to him, turning your head to his side as you waited for him to fill you in on what you had missed.
“That bastard ratted me out. That asshole from the diner. I had a deal with some teenagers and he called the cops on me. I don’t even know how he tracked me down.” Mark confessed looking straight, his eyes full of void, focusing on nothing in particular.
“Anyway, they took me to the police station and started questioning me about all this bullshit. There was no way I could excuse myself, they literally busted me, they saw me doing the deals. I texted Renjun and, I don’t know what he said to them but it didn't go well," he stopped to take a deep breath despite the desert that formed inside his mouth and the waterfalls that were forming in the corners of his eyes, "so we basically ran away and sooner or later the police will find me. I had nowhere else to go and I knew that your place would be relatively safe." Mark finished reciting you the events of the last few hours, tears staining his cheeks like the raindrops of a drizzle.
The dried tears that stained your cheeks became wet again when the new set of them fell down your face. You were staring at Mark through your teary gaze, trying to find any emotion in his void expression. He had never looked so soulless and it terrified you even more.
But the truth is that Mark himself was trying to mask his fear and anxiety by not showing them. The tears that traveled from his bambi eyes down to his popping cheekbones felt empty and the sight of him in such a state brought a stinging pain to your heart.
“So w-what does that mean?” your voice trembled at each word you uttered as you faced Mark with nothing but fear and another emotion that, at that moment, resembled love.
Mark made an attempt to wipe most of the tears off his face with the palms of his hands so that he could face you with clear vision. “It means I might go to jail. I will go to jail, unless I get out of here” he said. “Fuck, those bastards gave me an excuse to leave this fucking place” Mark scoffed as he sat up from the bed and started roaming around the narrow room, hands resting on his waist.
Your eyes trailed on every single one of his moves. You blinked several times to prevent any more tears from falling and cleared your throat to avoid your hoarse trembling voice. “So you’re really leaving” you said quietly, more to yourself than to Mark.
Mark turned around to look at you. “Yeah, I am. First thing in the morning. I don’t have many things to pack so it won’t take me long. And I can help you pack your things too, it will be quicker if-”
“Who said I’m coming with you?” you interrupted Mark and you immediately regretted doing so once you met his fuming gaze, which was now completely taken over by anger but was previously filled with nothing but emptiness.
“Y/n, we agreed to this. You’re coming with me and that’s it.” Mark growled as he took a step closer to you.
You stood up and started walking nervously around the place you called home, running your fingers through your hair in an attempt to ease your nerves. “We never agreed to anything. I told you I can’t-”
“Bullshit, that’s what you told me. Everything you said is bullshit. I want nothing but the best for you, we’ve been meaning to do this for such a long time and now that we have every reason to leave, you don’t want to! What’s wrong with you Y/n?” Mark clapped back at you.
A tear dropped down to your feet as you looked at Mark’s reddening face. Your lips trembled in your attempt to voice out your feelings, unfamiliar to your vulnerable state. “I’m scared, Mark,” you paused to sniff your nose, “I’m so fucking scared. For you, for me, for everything.”
Mark’s features softened at your sudden confession. He remained silent, gesturing to you to move on.
It was hard and unusual for you to open up to him like this. You hated the fact that he made you weak, that he had such a strong effect on you to make you eventually do as he says. But there was always this evil little voice in your head that told you not to trust him because, in the end, he would act just like everyone else and leave you.
“Do you know how scared I was tonight? I almost risked my fucking life for you! I had no idea where you were, I didn’t know what happened or why, and you know why? Because you never tell me anything! You only care about yourself,” all your fears and anxieties exploded and the outburst was so big you didn’t know how to stop. And you couldn’t stop even when you took a glimpse of Mark’s furrowed eyebrows and frowned lips, which you couldn’t tell if they were the result of sadness or anger.
You didn’t want to hurt him. But at this state, you couldn’t remain silent anymore. It wasn’t Mark’s fault, but you had reached a point where you couldn’t bottle up anything you felt anymore, so he just had to take everything you said.
You took a deep breath before you licked your dry lips to speak again in a calmer but still bitter tone. “If only you would disappear from my life I would-”
You never completed your sentence because Mark dashed towards you and grabbed you by the neck, squeezing the sides just so, so you could breathe a little bit, his face only a couple inches away from yours. “Shut the fuck up” Mark spat out with a growl which immediately kept you quiet.
His blackened eyes were piercing right through you, his fully black pupils bore into your wavering ones. You stood frozen there, completely locked in your place under Mark’s forceful hold on you, a position which made your lower stomach twitch.
Neither of you spoke for a few seconds. Mark’s face was painted in crimson, his eyebrows fully drawn in together and his nostrils flaring out, as he tried to keep his breathing steady. His angry state scared you even more; not because he would hurt you, but because he could hurt himself. Behind the mask of the angry man he presented himself as, you were the only one who could see the sad little boy who wanted nothing else from you but to love and trust him.
With Mark’s hand still pressing on your neck, your voice barely came out when you tried to speak. “Mark please, say someth-”
Mark interrupted you once again by smashing his lips on yours with the same force he held you under him and the same desperation he hid behind his bloody gaze. You didn’t waste a second, responding in an instant to him, moving your lips to the pace and rhythm he settled. You slightly parted your lips to allow him access to deepen it even more, as he slid his tongue in your mouth to dance with yours.
His presence and strong grip was too much to endure, so you stretched your arms to grab his hair. Mark sensed your need for more support, so he lessened the pressure on your neck and moved his free arm to the small of your back.
The previously quiet room was filled with the lewd sounds of your lips and tongues and the soft grunts and whimpers that left your lips in between each violent connection between them. You hadn’t realized how much you needed Mark, how much you had missed his touch and his burning essence on you until this very moment. Your body reacted to him almost immediately, as you felt your blood flow from your heart down to your aching core.
The heated argument from earlier was now completely forgotten and transformed into a passionate battlefield between two broken souls. Mark's crack infused breath, the bitter taste of alcohol on his dry lips and the lust overtaking his brain and controlling his actions electrified your entire body. There was not a single part of you that didn't want Mark, that didn't desire him and you couldn't help but want more of him.
Your brain, too foggy from the bold emotions and the alcohol you had consumed earlier, couldn't work properly, so your primal instincts took over you entirely. You kept kissing Mark while biting on his lower lip, which resulted in low whines coming out of him, his hardening length growing more inside the pressure of his pants.
You could sense him struggling to keep his cool and you were trying to give yourself some friction too by rubbing your thighs together. You reached your hand down to Mark's pants, cupping his dick outside the thick fabric of his jeans, the teasing action causing him to roll back his eyes.
Mark stopped kissing you abruptly and without wasting any time, he threw you on the bed with all his strength, watching you with hungry eyes. You plopped down on the bed, the sheets creasing at the sudden force and you looked at him with a lustfull gaze that invited him in.
"Wanna fuck you so dumb right now" Mark growled lowly as he took off his shirt from the back of his neck in a swift motion and continued to unbuckle his belt, his eyes never leaving your pleading ones.
You followed along, removing your own shirt and shorts, lying in bed only in your underwear. Mark had now discarded himself completely off of all his clothes except from his boxers, which had an undeniably visible precum stain on them.
Mark's body hovered above yours, connecting his lips with yours for a brief moment before he pulled back to attack your neck, biting and nipping on the spot right under your ear, which earned a loud gasp from you.
His lips kept on abusing your neck area, as you locked your fingers in his hair, tugging and pulling at it with every bite on your neck and chest. The hot sensation of his lips, tongue and wet saliva all over your body made you whimper under him, a sound that made his cock twitch inside his underwear.
Mark traveled lower down to your chest. He slipped his hand behind your back to undo your bra, removing the bra straps off your shoulders eagerly and tossing the piece of clothing somewhere in the dirty motel room. He was quick to attack your hard nipples, dropping his head to suck on one of them, and reaching the other one with his hand, twisting and rubbing it between his fingers.
Your moans and whimpers echoed in the room, the sound and smell of your bodily fluids polluted the small space, everything about the inside of the place being purely filthy.
The heat in your body kept rising and you could feel the stickiness in your panties. You wanted Mark, all of him. You wanted him to treat you however he wanted to, you wanted to please him by giving him all of you and you wanted to feel desired by him.
"Please Mark," you breathed in a soft moan, "please fuck me" your face reddened in your pathetic confession, but it didn't seem to stop Mark from ripping your panties apart, leaving your dripping cunt exposed to the dirty cold air of the room.
Your drowsy eyes and rapid breathing fueled Mark and all his inner needs, as he lifted his body off yours and parted your legs with his hands, pushing your thighs apart. You were breathing heavily in anticipation of his next move, which was a sharp slap to your pussy that sent a strong bolt of pleasure through your whole body. You moaned in pleasure and surprise and Mark repeated his action at the sound of your whiny moans.
"You're a pathetic little slut after all, aren't you?" Mark lowered his head and spat on your pussy, which had you clenching around nothing. "Look at you, begging to be fucked" he brushed one finger up and down your clit, just enough to tease you and elicit a sharp intake of breath from you. "You really pissed me off, you know?" he muttered.
"Please Mark, I want you. I need you so bad, please fuck me" you whined with a high-pitched voice, the one you knew that Mark could never resist, as you pouted your lips at him.
Mark rested his hands on your knees, holding your legs as far apart as possible, so as to have full access to your glistening cunt. His dark eyes were filled with nothing but hunger and lust, unable to control himself any longer from how bad he wanted to taste you. He lowered his head even further, brushing his lips over your clit.
"As you wish, princess" he mumbled to your wet core before he attacked your swollen bud, licking and sucking on your clit with absolutely no remorse.
A loud moan escaped from your lips at the abrupt touch of Mark's wet tongue on your pussy, your hands intertwining in his hair, grabbing and pulling at every licking stripe Mark left on you.
He kept on licking and sucking on your clit, mumbling sweet nothings and small praises, which reminded you more of the Mark you knew rather than the cold and hungry man that was presented in front of you a few minutes ago.
The lewd sounds of Mark's lips and tongue on your pussy mixed with your whiny moans turned him on to the fullest, as he pulled one of his hands away from your knee and dropped it down to slowly pump his dick underneath his underwear.
The burning desire rising up in his body was becoming too much for him, so he pulled away from your clit with one last sucking pop and took off his underwear, setting free his painfully hard length.
Mark positioned himself between your legs and with a swift motion, he turned you over to your stomach, pulling you by your hips so that your ass was higher up towards him.
"Need to fuck you so bad" Mark growled as he smacked your ass cheek with a sharp slap, your pussy clenching at the burning sensation.
"Please, Mark" you whined in the pillow, a tear rolling down your face and landing on the sheets as a response to the overstimulation taking over your body.
The way you kept whining his name and the juices almost dripping down your thighs had Mark gritting his teeth. He gave himself a few more light strokes as he positioned his dick right at your entrance. Without giving you any warning, he dived into your pussy with a sharp stroke.
You shut your eyes in pleasure and gripped the sheets tightly until your knuckles went white as Mark pounded into with sharp rhythmic strokes, each one pushing your head further into the pillow.
Your moans were coming out as crying mumbles as your face was buried deep in the sheets. Mark kept his pace and force, his head lolling back at the intensity of the moment. He kept his one hand on your hip in order to keep you steady while, with the other one, he reached down to grab a fistful of your hair, tugging at it and pulling it roughly, an action that triggered your hot tears to spill from your eyes at the pure sense of pleasure.
Mark's breathing was heavy and sharp at the sound of your soft growns and the sight of your ass jiggling at each stroke he left. "Is this what you wanted, pretty? Me fucking you so good you end up a crying fucking mess?" Mark provoked you in a voice as deep as the ocean, his groans low and hot like the pits of hell.
The sound of skin slapping on skin echoed inside the four walls of your motel room. Mark's hips connected with your ass in an intense force and a static speed, as he hit the spot that always brought you closer to the edge.
"I-I'm close, Mark, p-please" you whined as he gradually took you closer to your limits, your lower stomach twitching in pleasure and your jaw going slack as you felt your climax rising more and more.
"Let this pretty pussy cum on my dick, come on baby" Mark growled and with that, you let out a high-pitched groan into the pillow as your pussy clenched around Mark's dick, the forceful grip of your hands on the sheets was slowly loosened.
You felt Mark's strokes become sloppier as you coated his length with your warm fluids. He quickly pulled out and turned you over so your back was touching the soft mattress. He moved his body closer to you, pumping his dick slowly as he brought the tip to your lips, brushing softly against them as an invitation to take in his dripping cock.
"Open up for me, pretty" his fully blackened eyes bore into your teary ones. You slowly opened your mouth and Mark quickly pushed his cock into it, moving his hips as you bobbed your head up and down, sucking on his veiny length.
"That's right, baby. Such a good girl" Mark whimpered as he slowly released into your mouth, his hot cum dripping down your throat. You swallowed all of it completely before he pulled out and laid down on the bed next to you, both of your heavy panting echoing in the now quiet room.
Mark took a few seconds to ease his breathing and turned to the nightstand above his head to search for the pack of cigarettes you kept hidden in the small drawer. He took one cigarette out of the box and brought it to his lips. With the lighter you kept inside that very same drawer, he lit it up, smoke immediately coming out of it. The room now smelled like a mix of sex and smoke, and you winced at the odd yet satisfying combination. Mark took a long drag out of the cigarette and then puffed the smoke into the filthy air.
As soon as you caught your breath, you turned your body towards Mark's, looping your arm around his waist and resting your head on his chest. Mark responded to your intimate touch, wrapping his free arm around your shoulders, stroking your hair lightly. He pressed a soft kiss on your forehead and then brought the cigarette again to his lips.
After the long and terrifying day you had, you finally felt at ease. Your heart was beating normally, your breathing was steady and your mind was blank. All you could do was savor this moment with Mark, wrapped around his arms and listening to his beating heart, a sound that promised you that everything would be alright.
"Please don't leave me, Mark. I wouldn't know what to do without you" you whispered to him as you slowly drifted away to deep sleep. Mark didn't say anything back. He kissed your forehead again instead and inhaled deeply, exhaling in a long sigh, as his eyes were fixed outside the window, looking over at the bright city lights.
Your eyes fluttered open at the sound of chirping birds outside your window. From the way the room was illuminated and from the shadows that formed behind every object, you could tell that it was only a few minutes after sunrise, and the bright orange sun confirmed your speculation.
With your eyes still half-open, you stretched your arms above your head and groaned, a soft yawn leaving your pouty lips. You then shifted between the sheets, turning your body to the other side of the bed, moving your arms around in search of the drug dealer’s toned body, the one that hugged you tight to sleep.
“Good morning, Markie” you mumbled, still half asleep. You rested your head on the pillow, still patting the mattress when you couldn’t sense the male beside you. Your eyes widened in an instant and your body quickly adjusted to the awake state. You were focused on the other side of the bed, where the boy you spent the previous night with would be lying sound asleep. Instead, you were met with nothing but tangled bedsheets.
“Mark?” you called again, in hopes that maybe he was in the bathroom and he couldn’t hear you. No response.
You yanked the sheets off you and rushed to the bathroom, opening the squeaky door with more force than you intended. “Mark?” you called, but the calling was in vain.
Maybe he went down to the diner to get us breakfast, you thought. It was still very early in the morning, but the diner never closed during the night, so there might be some leftovers or, if you were lucky, some fresh food at this hour.
So you decided to wait for him, thinking that his whereabouts were probably the old diner. Since you were now fully awake, you decided to take a shower and change into some fresh clothes. It will only be a few minutes, Mark will probably be back by the time I’m finished, you thought.
So you hopped into the shower, letting the warm water fall down your tense shoulders in order to ease your nerves and help your body physically relax. Your mind brought up the memories of the previous night you spent with Mark. You thought about the cop that came to the bar, you thought about the fact that Mark was in serious danger, you thought about your argument with him and how you made up afterwards by having steamy sex, just like every other time.
You didn’t know how to label your relationship with Mark, or whatever you had with him. He was more than a friend but less than a lover. He protected you, cared for you, helped you with any troubles you had and was always there for you, whatever it took for him. And what did you do for him in return? Nothing.
You did absolutely nothing, at least nothing that could compare to what he did for you. And you hated yourself for not being able to pull him out of his misery, even for the slightest bit, when he could even go as far as to move mountains just to see you crack a smile.
You didn’t deserve him; yet you were too selfish to let him go. He was a soul that wanted to fly and be free, but his wings were weighed down by your annoying fears and anxieties for the unknown.
The water dripping down your body suddenly turned cold and you immediately turned off the faucet and ran out of the shower, wiping your body dry with a towel. There was still no sight of Mark, so you quickly put on some fresh clothes and searched throughout the room in order to find your phone and call him.
Your eyes scanned every corner of the room where you could have possibly left your phone, when your gaze dropped to the wooden chair across the bed, the one where Mark usually sat when he played the guitar, only to find a folded piece of paper.
You stepped closer to the chair, picking up the piece of paper and turning it around. With shaky hands, you slowly unfolded it and a shiny bright red guitar pick fell on the floor. You picked it up, bringing it closer to your eye only to recognize it as one of Mark’s favorite ones.
You held the pick between your fingers and sat down at the wooden chair, looking at the wrinkly piece of paper. Written with a dark pencil, you recognized the sloppy handwriting and the small neat letters as none other than Mark’s and you couldn't help but feel your eyes sting in threatening tears as you slowly read and processed each heartfelt word he wrote:
Dear Y/n,
You’re probably reading this because you can’t see me in your room. But don’t bother look, because I have already left for a better, safer life and I won’t be coming back.
So here’s everything I couldn’t bring myself to say last night.
I love you deeply, Y/n. And I know your feelings towards me differ from my feelings towards you, but I’m not scared to hide it. You’re afraid of the power your heart holds and I understand that. For that, I will give you time, as much as you need to learn how to use this power.
I don’t know if I am a strong man or a coward for leaving; that I’m not sure of. But what I’m sure of is my life, and right now my life is in danger. I always spoke to you about how I wanted to have a normal life, to escape from this hell hole and build a different path for me.
Most importantly, I wanted to build this path with you. You’re the only thing that made this hell hole bearable, the only thing that gave me purpose, the thing that made my life have a meaning.
But I took some time to think and I realized that I can’t force you to follow the same path as me, no matter how much I need you or how much I want only what’s best for you.
So I left. I left to build this new path and I will try as hard as I can. I don’t care if I fail, because I know I can keep on trying and, no matter where you are, just the thought of you gives me strength.
I’m leaving you a piece of me behind though. My favorite guitar pick. I want you to have it. You can keep it, burn it, destroy it, I don’t care what you’ll do with it. I just want you to have something to remember me, something that means to me as much as you do.
So, for the meantime, mark me in your heart like I have marked you in mine, and think about what makes you truly happy. If you ever change your mind, you already know where to find me.
Your beloved,
M.
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