#I suspect the fact that people who are seriously hurting tend to mask their pain with their sense of humor has something to do with this

[crystalkleure]

It's the middle of the night and I've been thinking a lot about laughter. I have Many Somewhat-Disjointed Thoughts and Many Speculations and I wish I had a psychology degree, or someone with a psychology degree to bounce my Thoughts And Ideas off of, but I don't so I'm just going to kind of scrawl words into the void here on Tumblr dot com real quick.

Nobody can seem to agree on Exactly What Laughter Is And Why It Exists. Sometimes people laugh because something is true, and sometimes people laugh because it is not. And sometimes people laugh because something just doesn't make any fucking sense. What Is Funny seems arbitrary and contradictory and confusing and there are a million different Theories Of Humor that try to explain it [usually badly].

On the Science Side of the subject, laughing releases Be Happy And Relax chemicals in your brain, and also in the brains of others around you bc laughter is socially contagious like yawning. Other people will feel the urge to start chuckling if someone around them is. Laughter creates and shares endorphins. It can also even lessen physical pain.

One theory of Why We Find Things Funny goes like this: Something bonks someone on the head. For a moment, everyone else is worried about that guy, wondering if he's hurt, but then it becomes apparent he is fine. And THEN everyone laughs it off. It's funny because no one actually got hurt! Or, at least, not hurt in any sort of serious way -- just a minor bruise or scrape. They're not maimed or dead. So it's theorized that one function of laughter is to disengage our Alarm Mode once it becomes apparent that no actual threat is present, and it turns out there's no need for everyone to stay so worked up and thus they ought to calm down and get rid of the stress. Laughter is the signal to do that.

So, one reason something might be funny is because it's clear that no one is getting seriously hurt. The potentially-harmful situation is just silly, or even outrageous/unrealistic...and safe. There's an initial moment of Wondering "is this okay?" that is very quickly quelled by something affirming that yes, the situation is quite okay, and that is what makes the situation humorous. That’s the Recipe For Funny.

So, laughter is meant to soothe stress.

I suspect that "laughing at something because it's true" actually also has the same root cause as "laughing at something because it turned out to be a false alarm". Have you ever chuckled bitterly at something, thinking "Yep, that's a thing and it sure does suck lol"? Maybe a meme about some health problem you've suffered from?

If we look at laughter through the lens of catharsis, under the assumption that the point of laughing is to soothe, I think it actually makes sense for bitter truths to be sardonically humorous. I'd imagine it can be very cathartic to hear someone else convey "Yep, this is a thing that sucks!" when you've had experience with that sucky thing, because that means that someone understands. They're affirming your experiences as being real and shitty. That would elicit a warm smile of Vindication And Validation, and the affirmation being delivered in the form of a silly meme or something would elicit a laugh, for double the Cathartic Soothing Power.

Gallows-type humor might not always work for some people though, if they're being too affected by the shitty thing to be able to laugh it off. If the shitty thing is so painful that just thinking about it is very upsetting, then trying to joke about it might actually just make the hurt worse. Wound's too fresh.

Therefore, senses of humor are very individualistic, and also situational, explaining why different people might have very different reactions to a single joke, and those same people might even have very different reactions to it at different times. They could be 1. indifferent, because they don't Get the situation being joked about enough to understand why it might be harmful, so there's no moment of suspense before the laugh-inducing "it's fine!" punchline [or, alternatively, they don’t understand how the “it’s fine!” punchline is actually supposed to quell the initial suspense], or 2. angry, because they're currently so negatively affected by the situation being joked about that the "it's fine!" is a lie to them, because it's not fine and it really does hurt so it's not funny, or 3. amused, because the joke has successfully validated/soothed them! Or their reaction could change from 1 to 2, or 1 to 3, or 2 to 3 over time.

TL;DR: The cause of laughter appears to be the thought process "Something is wrong/dangerous and thus stressful, but now it's correct/safe so the stress is unwarranted and can be released!", with laughter itself then being the social signal that says "Everything's fine now, everyone relax!"

Laughter actually soothing low-level physical pain also lines up perfectly with all of this; that's ideally complementary to soothing stress. Stress itself can actually amplify or even outright cause physical symptoms. Stress causes pain, and pain causes stress. Laughter wants to help you to stop hurting so you can return to business as normal.

[dwellordream]

Hello I've got 2 questions: The first one was if you could do a directors cut of toms chapter from grass crown? The second one was if you have any tips for writers, specifically dealing with criticism? I'm not great with constructive criticism and have a hard time putting my work out there and I was wondering how you deal with it?

I like how chapter 10 of Grass Crown is now just known as ‘Tom’s chapter’ haha it sounds so foreboding. I was both very nervous and very excited to write Chapter 10 because I’d never attempted to write from Tom’s POV before, despite being tempted a few times during Barbed Wire. I know I discussed that chapter pretty heavily in the comment section so I’ll try to avoid repeating anything I said there. the chapter begins with Tom waking from a dream because I think it speaks to his nature- he has a lot of dreams for his future (most of them good for him, bad for others) and it could be correctly said that he is, in many ways, delusional. but he’a also got a pretty good track record with making his dreams (thus far) into reality, through a combination of smarts, cunning, blackmail/intimidation/threats, and networking.  Amy has mentioned before, because nothing is really ‘off limits’ to Tom, he very rarely doubts that he can achieve something; he’s like that meme of ‘everyone should have the confidence of a mediocre white guy walking into an interview he’s unqualified for’ haha. He’s used to getting his way, either sooner or later. the only ‘thing’ he’s ever dreamed of that he failed to materialize was a life with Amy in it. It was also important to me that everything in his house be described as modern and new and top of the line and carefully selected by him or Lydia. it’s really his version of a ‘fuck you!’ to his childhood at Wool’s, where he had very little control over his surroundings. now he has all the control.  we then go into the intro of the pensieve, which I knew pretty much from the start I wanted/needed to include, given the constant flashbacks and references to the past in this fic. Tom using a pensieve was a smoother transition to the memory than him just brooding on it for an hour straight.

what’s also interesting is the memory he’s chosen to ‘replay’ over and over again; yes, it is his and Amy’s ‘first time’ but his interest in watching this doesn’t really seem to be pornographic- he acknowledges that he’s not even interested in watching the act of sex itself over and over again- but what precedes and follows it. that level of vulnerability and intimacy which he had once and has never had again. I think it both intrigues and repulses him, the idea of ever opening himself up like that to anyone again. he mocks Amy’s appearance and his younger self’s devotion to her because that’s easier than confronting the pain of losing all that. he pretends to focus on the fact that sex just isn’t super exciting or even interesting to him anymore to avoid dwelling too much on the fact that being with Amy made him feel appreciated, not just in the physical sense for his looks, but appreciated and accepted as a flawed person, not for any other reason. we then get the creepy segue that A. Tom hasn’t been celibate since then, unsurprisingly or not and B. the one sex worker he frequents bears a passing resemblance to Amy. that sort of speaks for itself. Tom looks for her in the people around him, especially the women, and is both infuriated and pleased when they either live up to the standard she set... or miss it entirely. we then jump back into the memory and see Tom and Amy joking with each other after the fact and having a playful argument. this is obviously very painful for Tom, but he masks that by acting shocked and appalled that he ever let someone speak to him like that or mock him to his face like that. the lack of agenda or manipulation in his younger self at that point disturbs him, for all that the relationship between the two was already damaged at the time. we then see Tom head into work, which is pretty straightforward until the infamous interrogation with Jaime. Jaime is pretty much Tom’s opposite; referred to as a ‘conman’ and a ‘common thug’ and known for moving in the same circles as a lot of organized crime, he’s essentially the blue collar outlaw to Tom’s white collar, just-under-the-surface corruption and deceit. Jaime might not be trustworthy, but he doesn’t pretend to be, either.  Tom is so dismissive and derisive of him that he is enraged when his usual tactics don’t work, and Jaime fails to immediately turn on Amy, as Tom had expected him to do so. the idea of a ‘common criminal’ having some kind of code or honor or even loyalty to anyone but themselves both perplexes and angers Tom. he pivots to assaulting Jaime’s mind in an attempt to get the info on her by force, and is further incensed when Jaime’s memories of Amy conjure up feelings of warmth and affection. the idea of her even having a friendly relationship with Jaime Isola clearly does not sit well with him. unfortunately for Tom, his attempts to then imperius Jaime our cut short... and we see the transition to home again and the anxious wait for the election results. his conversation with Lydia is always interesting for me to write because they are both very calculated but trying to play it off as casual and innocent, and both always think they’ve got the upper hand at the moment. Tom suspects Lydia is not nearly as pure of mind and heart as she pretends to be, but is ambivalent about this, content to wait until they’re married to pry much deeper, and acknowledges her intelligence and charisma in the sense that it will be an asset to his career. he ‘scolds’ her a little by bringing up the fact that he knows about her visit to MESP, but is surprisingly unfazed by her lack of cowering or subservience when she gives a clearly overacted apology. she still, of course, demonstrates plenty of deferral to him in other ways, fixing him a drink and getting his mail.  also, of course, the note that Tom seems to like her best when she acts in a more ‘Amy-esque’ manner; he’s thrilled by her verbal approval of him and not nearly as put off as he usually might be by her open display of affection when she hugs him.  re: dealing with criticism: this is something I continue to struggle with, although I do my best not to get into sparring matches in the comment sections and I try to ‘see the best’ in every comment and not get derailed into a pointless argument over semantics or fixate on someone’s wording. I’m a sensitive person (I think a lot of writers are) and I think it’s okay to feel upset or hurt by someone’s criticism without feeling like you are being arrogant or selfish. sometimes constructive criticism can be delivered unkindly or in a convoluted manner, especially when it’s mixed in with more minor critiques or compliments, and sometimes criticism isn’t really criticism and is just someone expressing their frustration in the comment section. I know a lot of writers choose to moderate comments or disable non-ao3-user comments for this reason. I don’t do this because I want people to be able to read my comments and get an accurate sense of how readers felt right when the chapter was posted. even when the comments are embarrassing to me or make me feel bad about my writing. this is a personal choice and I’m not saying you should or must do this.  mostly I deal with it by trying to wait a little to respond; it’s easy to get upset and type out a snarky reply but sometimes if you wait a little you can get a better perspective on how the reader might have felt or what confused or annoyed or felt incongruous to them about your writing. when I do respond I try to just address things very point by point and straightforward, and I also generally do thank people for commenting unless they’re being a blatant troll and just looking for a rise from me.  overall I feel like it’s just something you have to get exposed to over and over again. I’m much better now about not taking comments too seriously or letting them direct my writing than I used to be. when you gain confidence as a writer you can sort of develop a better filter for what critique is useful to you and what isn’t. just because someone has raised a valid point in the comment doesn’t mean they necessarily have the best solution for said problem.  sometimes it is really just a matter of interpretation of a character. it also heavily depends on the fandom (if you are writing fic). in my experience the ASOIAF fandom, as much as I love it, tends to come in swinging a lot harder than the HP fandom, which I think is a little more chill and mellow and more ‘you do you’. if I mess up a worldbuilding detail or don’t explain myself properly in an ASOIAF fic, especially if it involves popular characters or plot points, I know I’m going to get heat for it in the comment section from someone. overall, I would say try to come at it from the commenter’s perspective, but also don’t let yourself obsess over it. it’s hard to remember but most fics do have a silent majority, and there are so many people who are just going to read it and enjoy it and who just don’t leave a comment because that’s not how they roll. if moderating comments and being able to approve them before they go up will make you feel more in-control and secure, then you should do that. I do find that if you reply to comments, a lot of times people might seem less abrasive or intimidating on comment #2 than #1, mostly because they’re not expecting to get a reply from the writer. you shouldn’t be afraid to go ‘actually, I agree with you regarding *insert*’ or ‘well, in my view, *character* is acting this way because...’ it’s good practice to be able to calmly state your opinion or defend your work without it turning into an online brawl, and it’s not a mark of weakness to agree with someone’s critique or acknowledge that you could have done something better. plus, you have to write a lot of crappy fics before you can write a good fic. I try to remember that when I look at my old works. nothing’s set in stone and you can absolutely continue to improve and adapt your writing as you go along.