#I sure do love me some toxic fucked up repressed sad men

[chdarling]

Ok can we talk about how your fic isn’t even really a wolfstar fic and yet it’s one of the only fics that’s ever made me ship wolfstar (I never enjoyed wolfstar but I eventually accepted it as unavoidable and just tolerated it).

If that isn’t talent then I don’t know what is!

Hahaha thank you! I’m so glad you’re enjoying it! It’s interesting to me to see people’s reaction to TLE wolfstar. I am not always sure how it will land, particularly since I tend to lean into the toxicity/angst of their relationship 😅

[bylightofdawn]

Beyond Evil Episode 10

OKAY this show is definitely trying to take Obi-Wan's crown for /infinite sadness.

Lee Dong-sik/Infinite Sadness is officially my Beyond Evil sadclown OTP.

Shin Ha-kyun's acting in this show is just...wow I hope he won some version of a Korean emmy or something for his part in this show because it is just phenomenal.

One thing I've noticed is just the amount of times they let Dong-sik cry. For a guy in a media franchise that is just pretty unheard of, at least from a Western audience's POV. We are so embroiled in toxic masculinity and the idea that men can't cry because that equates to weakness is just a pathetic and depressing part of our media culture.

I want to say we are doing better as a society in normalizing letting men express their emotions and actually do more than shed that one lonely tear whenever there is a punchy emotional scene but considering how low that bar is, it's not very hard to cross.

Meanwhile, you have Lee Dong-sik breaking down into tears multiple times over the course of this show for VERY VALID AND UNDERSTANDABLE REASONS and there's no implication of weakness or he's less of a man for doing so. I'll fully admit that my ignorance of Korean culture and East Asian cultures, in general, is pretty lacking so I don't know if that's the norm. From my limited exposure, it's definitely not. Or at least I don't recall seeing a male character who expressed himself as much as Lee Dong-sik does.

Of course, the fact everyone labels him that lunatic etc and LBR he definitely has his feral and unhinged moments so there's prolly some element of truth to that. Maybe he gets a pass for it because of that?

Ugh the fucking ending of the episode. The chief dying and Dong-sik just breaking down next to him. Fuck Han Ju-won practically in tears as well just fucking stab me in the heart and end my suffering already.

Though the laconic and snarky part of me was all 'Oh there's the random death of someone close to the protagonist I've come to expect from nearly every police/law k-drama I've seen' It always seems like they love to kill off the beloved older mentor figure or someone else who holds a similar station in the protagonists lives.

I knew someone was going to die. Pffft. Pretty sure I called that one from episode one.

I think next episode is going to be spicy AF and am looking forward to Lee Dong-sik reacting to the double whammy that his sister wasn't killed by Kang Jin-muk and her killer is most likely out there and he literally just lost prolly the closest thing he has to a father, a mentor and a protector. Cause Sang-bae was definitely holding the wolves at bay when it comes to him and without him being there to shield Lee Dong-sik it's gonna get very spicy.

I'm also interested to see where the fuck they are going with Park Jeong-je's apparent mental breakdown that my boy seems to be going through. Something is up with him and his random affinity for deer and drawing them. He did say he'd killed a deer, surely he didn't like fucking completely snap, kill Yu-yeon right? And like completely just repress that shit?

Surely the show wouldn't go THAT EVIL. I mean, they did hint she got like run over so him accidentally hitting her, freaking out and going coo-coo for cocoa puffs would just be the worst.

[venerers]

i'm extraordinarily normal and psychologically well over clarence and kay

songs 1-12 (as of the posting date) are about asphodel helix kay. these are relatively self-explanatory: they're all songs about being kind of a cunt. i.e. they're all sort of self-confident, high-tempo, bitchy songs you'd find on a tumblr sexyman villain playlist. like i'm so serious. XS rina sawayama "call me crazy call me selfish i'm the baddest and i'm worth it." do it all the time idkhbtfm "we're taking over the world one kiss at a time." this ain't a scene fall out boy "i am an arms dealer fitting you with weapons in the form of words." YOU UNDERSTAND what asphodel helix kay's vibe is. THIS DOESN'T NEED further explanation.

the only real "outliers" i guess are a beginner's guide to faking your death which is up first because kay faked their own death before taking the former heads of shade co. out and reinstating themselves as the boss in their place. and akasaka sad because i think it's a good reflection of how dissatisfied kay really is with their position/how much they really "miss" being with their family/in a more stable position prior to the ruin. and how bitter they are about the fact that they've been essentially forced away from anything they'd ever consider close to a home EVER. and they're repressing that SO HARDCORE trying to enjoy the position of power that they've fought so hard for but they can't because they think their life is empty and hollow and fucking sucks. Anyway next

13-25 are for asphodel helix clarence. I'M SO NORMAL ABOUT HIM. anyway. i think a lot of these are also pretty self-explanatory. they're a lot more miserable-sounding than the kay ones for sure and most of them have to do with like... either (i) not having full control over yourself/other people's perception of you or (ii) being subject to incredible intense violent urges that you can't really control. contrast voice tacitly "when you look at me, who do you remember?" and panic switch silversun pickups "when you see yourself in a crowded room, do your fingers itch? are you pistol-whipped?" and you kind of get the vibes of everything here.

other lyrics that are particularly of note include daywalker CORPSE "i prayed to god and then i went to sleep with bloody hands" <- hardest lyrics in the world that deserve better than being in a shitty machine gun kelly song and emotional machine marina and the diamonds "i'm a machine, an emotional being / ever since i was a teen, cut my feelings off clean" which is SO on-the-nose and lame as hell but By God do they make me think of clarence "i started SHing in middle school because i needed to hide my feelings from other people and now i stopped SHing but only because i can unleash my unbelievably powerful urge to Harm Something on other people" rheuma.

there's some other incongruous songs on here that i'll make a quick note of. heads will roll is there because it's the epitome of clarence's music taste and i thought about taking it off this playlist when i was cleaning it because it's not really "clarencecore" but i couldn't bring myself to do it. venetian blind man is there because clarence is blind. Next

26-43 are all just General Controlshipping Songs. ummm i think that these song choices (i made them) are kind of delusional. like they only exist in the context of hyperspecific amvs in my head. as follows:

power & control is THE controlshipping song. This is where their ship name came from. "give a little get a lot, that's just how you are with love." "power and control, i'm gonna make you fall." "women and men we are the same, but love will always be a game." TELL ME TO KILL MYSELF. it just exemplifies their stupid crazy ass power dynamic so well i want to bite my fingers off thinking about it.

kiss with a fist because they fight while they're making out.

make it hurt specifically for the lyric "the safe word is jesus christ, you've said it all your life" & also just the general Toxic Relationship vibes of two people seeing the worst sides of each other and "wanting" their relationship to make each other worse.

virtual reality IS INSANE this is the controlshipping sex song. "my body needs a fingerprint every piece electrified, dance of danger in the sheets requirement unsatisfied." I HOPE THEY FUCKING DIE. This is clarence POV clarence feeling empty and lost and not opening up to anyone but kay both in public and in bed. I will kill myself over virtual reality by rey and this is a promise.

i'm not gonna lie i don't have a reason for putting oh on there other than (i) the thumbnail has X's and O's and i was like Holy shit just like clarence and kay and (ii) i think tadano kaede's original voice sounds like kay's voice and dongdang's voice/cover sounds like clarence's voice

"alpha dog and omegalomaniac" "you're not the first, or the last, but you're possibly the prettiest" This is kay POV talking to clarence LIKE I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT. It's just the casual crazy self-confidence of a kay song/the way that kay thinks about clarence. This is just vibes.

I actually have an insane tokyo ghetto mv pieced together in my head but specifically based off of jubyphonic's translyrics which i'm really mad at myself for. the lyrics read just like clarence hearing kay comfort them and just being unable to accept it. "'treasure what you have now,' they're pretty words but didn't mean a thing." like i specifically place this one in the months immediately following clarence first being picked up/"rescued" by kay and just being overcome by confusion & familiarity & the fear of "letting go" of the only thing he knows (violence). WHATEVER. anyway.

i don't have any explanation for "eat your young" -> "so much (for) stardust" they just give me Kay And Clarence Vibes. Like they just all feel like songs about them working together and beating each other up and hating each other and needing each other and being half-nostalgic half-frustrated with their pasts. You know

venom is there because chogakusei's remix cover of venom has a part in the center where the bass drops and there's a sound visualizer on screen and when i saw the blue/orange i unironically thought to myself "wow just like how clarence tops kay" and then i promptly dunked my head under a stream of cold water

donut hole is the most self-explanatory song in the world. when i try to count all my simple feelings i forget even the warmth you shared with me. all i remember is your face but i'm still so empty inside. suddenly my eyes opened up and your name is -- YOU GET ME. i don't need to say anything more. i think i've listened to every donut hole cover to ever exist on youtube thinking about clarence & kay and unfortunately the stupid ass english cover attached to a Marvel Stucky Fanvid goes hard as hell in my mental amv.

shadow, london beckoned songs about money, and little dark age are again just kind of vibes based. shadow because clarence is kay's "shadow," london beckoned songs about money makes me think about kay/clarence posturing in front of a crowd, and little dark age is just generally "asphodel helix" coded the two of them are so miserable together guys.

okay. FINALLY. 44-54 are for lethe's twist kostya. I think these are also generallyyyy pretty self-explanatory, they're all pretty miserable-sounding self-loathing songs or about kostya's unending devotion towards clair even though they want to kill themselves at the same time because of it. i think a LOTTTT of kairiki bear's songs fit them but i limited myself to just down timer & darling dance: down timer because the constant repetition of the regret/living in an awful life and the "i will do a good job!" phrase captures kostya's daily mental health so well, and darling dance because it's soooo crazily kostya blindly seeing clair as their "idol" and bending themselves/their appearance to make sure clair trusts them and doesn't leave them behind.

i will also make particular note of samsa by teniwoha because i think that song fucks like crazy. i place that one specifically in kostya's miniknog-prisoner era when they were being forced to "change" and were desperately trying to cling on to whatever sense of "self" they had left to find. i also reallyyyy like saltwater sky as an exemplification of kostya's insane paranoia at all times. "i think i need to cool off, ice down, block it out-out-out" is so kostya breakdown coded I'm serious. and hollow moon is about how kostya feels guilty for "digging themselves" their own grave and half-faking, half-seriously being dependent on clair to protect themselves and wondering if they deserve a life hanging onto clair's side OK IM MOVING ON I SAID THESE WERE SELF-EXPLANATORY AND THEY ARE.

55-62 are for clair. these feel like crazier choices than kostya's do so:

mesmerizer: "you're tailor-made for this day and age, because you're powerless and look like prey" is just so clair-manipulation coded it's insaneee. They would be the one behind the screen doing the hypnosis. They are the one trying to play the world around them like a game of chess. They need to kill themselves

igaku/medicine: i just like the image of clair as doctor teto in a lab coat covered in blood.

shinigami: clair is a loan shark and it's just so easy to imagine them being the person tormenting the businessman POV in the song itself. LIKE this is crazy this literally goes clair -> guy they're killing for fun it's so visualizable

i really like sphinx as a song and i needed it on this playlist too. "modern mummies are boasting, 'save me.' dyed with truth and beauty, you are hungry -- the protector whom everyone wishes for." it's so crazy it like fits the weird complex that all of clair's "employees" have towards clair as someone who both put them into the debtor's-prison that they're in but also who "saved" them from otherwise-worse lives by feeding them and protecting them under the name of Soleil, Incorporated. Clair is a loan shark but by GOD people depend on them for their livelihoods and for their LIVES too

boring & murder on the dancefloor are self-explanatory actually they're just both about how clair uses violence to sate their intense boredom with the world.

this is my playlist and i get to make the decision that monitoring deco*27 IS a clair POV song actually and the more i think about it the more it fits and the more it drives me fucking crazy. the first verse with clair encouraging kostya to cry to them??? the "let me take care of you," the "lean on me with your whole weight, toxic love -- how sick is that?" the "you're all alone, that's why i'll sing 'you're not alone.'" the "i know you're absolutely capable [of taking care of yourself], weakness when hurt, i love you like that too" I WILL KILL MYSELF. it's literally perfect i love clair's yandere complex wanting kostya to depend on them and absolutely nobody else. i need to redraw clair in the monitoring mv i need to see them like that so bad I'm Normal

63-70 are Lethe's Twist Controlshipping Songs. LTCTRL or left-control or controlshipping to the left, as they might say. anyway. I actually don't have that many comments to make about these i think you take one look at loveit next to schadenfreude next to toxy and you 100% understand these are just like evil toxic relationship yandere songs man. the only one i'll make a point of is loving la vie en rose because i've been looping it so much recently it's making me lose my damn mind. "when we dance, it's like flight, it's like light / when he smiles, i'm alive, such delight" against the EVIL ASS background music drives me NUTSSSSSSS it's literally just clair and kostya talking about each other. i see it more as clair POV -> kostya reveling in every emotion kostya ever expresses living vicariously through their favorite pet and their ability to actually Feel Things but it applies the other way around too with kostya trying to convince themselves that they Belong with clair that This Is La Vie En Rose it's such a good damn song. Oh my god

71-74 all specifically apply to venery kay I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE ANY SONGS ON HERE FOR VENERY CLARENCE but that's just because (i) i have an entirely separate playlist for venery and (ii) a lot of music i WOULD associate with venery clarence (control, emotional machine, boring, etc.) are already sorted with AH/LT clarence.

these are just songs about sex. i'll be so real with you. they just go here because AH kay is more restrained than venery kay is and LT kostya's only sexual release is clair. i mentioned before that rabbit hole is kind of indicative of kay's approach towards most relationships and that still holds true: they're very "devil-may-care," HATE the idea of long-term commitment (despite their loyalty to people who DO let them run free & understand that their desire to quite literally fuck around isn't a reflection of how much they "like" you, they just don't feel romantic attachment like that), but still like being able to "go home" to somebody and have people that they can genuinely rely on (read: clarence). "are you really gonna die as a virgin boy" is also just the most insane line to start a song with in the world and it's so kay-coded it's crazy. kay wouldn't slutshame kay would virginshame. Are you seriously getting no bitches Be real with them.

LAST ROUND. 75-81 are all "venery-coded"/about how kay & clarence would behave towards each other in a more normal setting outside of asphodel helix & lethe's twist. i think prime & can't stop now are just generally "clarence and kay fucking around" like they just remind me of them being in their 20s or in the protectorate academy/how they'd stick with each other through anything and cause problems wherever they'd go. Paper love & combat baby are more melancholic, i place these near the end of venery/around when kay would start realizing that maybe they shouldn't be in this crazy insane situationship with someone who needs to Kill People And Eat Them to survive. Delusion and songbird are postcanon kay coping with losing clarence & forcing themselves to move on despite their grief... the bittersweetness of loss and the everpresent sense of nostalgia that they feel... i'm still hashing out the themes of venery but especially in postcanon it's supposed to mirror the "come-down" after a hunt/after being high on adrenaline for so long and the strange emptiness that follows. You know.

anyway. In conclusion. I think we should all kill ourselves. i used to have an older controlshipping playlist that i'm sure i lost some songs on but it'd just gotten so polluted with music that i was really into at the moment and forced in my head to connect with clarence and kay that i had to delete it and start over. I'm so sure that the same phenomenon will happen with this playlist too but i've been keeping it clean so far and it's So nice and organized now. Guys i kind of hope clarence and kay get the fuck out of my mind because WHAT ARE they doing to me. WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO ME

one day i'll sort and deep-clean my controlshipping playlist so that i can make an insanely long unhinged post explaining why every song i chose to put on there is on there

[absurdfuture]

'How can I complain?'

An essay about mental health by musician James Blake, from It’s Not OK to Feel Blue (And other lies).

James Blake 09 OCTOBER 2019

It’s especially easy to poke fun at the idea that a white man could be depressed. I have done it myself, as a straight white man who was depressed. In fact, I still carry the shame of having been a straight white man who’s depressed and has experienced suicidal thoughts. And still, when discussing it with most people, I will play down or skirt around how desperately sad I have been; instead I emphasize how much happier I am now. I emphasize the work I had to do to get to a better place, and how it was hard work and fruitful work, and how I empowered myself by doing it. I usually focus on how I regained control and an enthusiasm for living (‘Nice one, mate!’), not on how I lost it. That is the last of my defensiveness.

I remember doing an interview with the New York Times where the interviewer asked me why my childhood was painful, and how I got to such a dark place in my late twenties. I told him, ‘You know, other kids, bullying, etc.’ – and instantly regretted my brevity. He said something like, ‘Right, so a pretty standard childhood then.’

Fuck. After all this public talk of depression and anxiety, and many albums of expressed pain, I felt exposed as a fraud, but I was relieved not to have shown my cards and revealed how pathetic and weak I must have been when I was younger. Maybe he was right. He’d probably been through worse and wasn’t complaining about it.

I picked up a resentment towards other people from school. My parents were very loving and supportive and, unusually for my generation, still together. I went to school completely unequipped to deal with certain kids who were taking their fractured and in some cases abusive home lives out on me. I know that now. I was ‘too sensitive’, and I never learned how to act. I was a baby who’d been kept away from germs, and now I was getting ill from anything and everything. (I should say now that I have many happy memories of childhood, especially of my parents and of certain friends who I could count on, and that my inability to focus on those positives probably didn’t help.)

During my school years I spent thousands of hours walking on my own with headphones on or playing piano in the practice rooms, often going there first to cry in private and then occasionally with a mind to play. I was addicted to video games from the age of twelve, rarely going out to socialize. I had a few ‘best’ friends over the years who, looking back, I didn’t know well. But I’m grateful for having had them.

I put girls on pedestals and worshipped them, but only ever remained their friend. I fell in love many times and it was never reciprocated. I had no automatic right to them of course, but they kept me around for years and allowed me to be bullied and humiliated by their friends, accidentally betraying me out of awkwardness. I resented their understandable, youthful inability to know what to do with a sensitive boy who made them laugh and feel good about themselves, but whose body they did not want.

Boys would see my sensitivity as weakness and, while I was sharp and quick-witted, I wasn’t sporty, which was my first mistake with them, I think. Again, I didn’t know how to act. I wondered for years whether I had some behaviour disorder. I still wonder. In any case, year upon year of capricious bullying and humiliation followed.

These feelings of betrayal, persecution and rejection I kept to myself. In the crude gender stereotypes I was aware of at that age, I thought I had the sensitivity of a female but in a male’s body. I joked my way through it and made sure nobody ever saw me cry. I remained a virgin until the age of twenty-two, because I was awkward and unable to be natural around women. I was afraid of the vulnerability of sex after so many embarrassing attempts at it. (The song ‘Assume Form’ is, in part, about finding the ability to feel safe during intimacy.) It seemed to me that it had taken my success as a DJ for women to pursue me, and then I distrusted them for their sudden, transparent interest, so I pushed them all away. Slowly the face of every woman morphed into the faces of the girls who I felt had betrayed and humiliated me. And the face of every man became a bully who would underestimate me and try to kill my spirit.

Becoming relatively famous, my persecution complex turned into a self-serving narcissism, and my obsession with proving my worth to people who’d underestimated me was now being rewarded financially. To those ends, my first emotional language – music – had been the vehicle. I wanted to show everyone what they’d missed out on for all those years.

To some extent I succeeded in that, but I became so self-obsessed and isolated that I wasn’t the success I seemed to be on paper. And so the chasm grew between my alias – the guy with the ‘Pitchfork best new music 8.0+’, with the uncompromising and flourishing career, who seemed in control of everything – and the man-child who for many years was hurting, spiralling, never leaving the house, wasting away in an ego prison, refusing to collaborate, allowing himself to be bled financially and taken advantage of by his friends and their extended family, playing video games and smoking weed fourteen hours a day and not taking any care of himself what-so-ever until he was in a black depression, experiencing daily panic attacks, hallucinations and an existential crisis. I was asking questions like ‘What is the point of me?’ and saying I didn’t want to live. I became afraid of the growing fog of war outside my house because of what I knew people expected of me if I entered it: a normal interaction and, even more impossible, a new album.

I wanted people to know how I felt, but I didn’t have the vocabulary to tell them. I have gone into a bit of detail here not to make anyone feel sorry for me, but to show how a privileged, relatively rich-and-famous-enough-for-zero-pity white man could become depressed, against all societal expectations and allowances. If I can be writing this, clearly it isn’t only oppression that causes depression; for me it was largely repression.

I’m still not sure I fully believe I am entitled to be depressed or sad at all, because I’m white and cisgender and male, and life for people like me is undoubtedly the easiest of any group. But my privilege didn’t make me want to stick around, and it makes me feel even more embarrassed for having let myself go.

When the delusional mental force field of whiteness finally popped (the ‘psychosis’ of whiteness, as Kehinde Andrews puts it, which most white people are still experiencing – I was still able to reap the now obvious benefits of being white, straight and male but without the subconscious ability to ignore my responsibility to the marginalized), I started having the uncomfortable but rational thought that my struggle was actually comparatively tiny, and that any person of colour or member of the LGBTQ+ community could feasibly have been through exactly the same thing and then much, much more on top of that. A plate stacked until it was almost unmanageable. For me it became embarrassing to mention my child’s portion of trauma and sadness.

Combining that thought with the normalized stigmatization of male musicians’ emotional expression in the media, I felt like I must be the ‘Sadboy Prince and the Pea’.

But my girlfriend verbally slapped some sense into me, saying it does not help anybody, least of all oneself, to compare pain. And that was good advice to hear from someone who’d been through what she has. I can only imagine how frustrating it was for this Pakistani woman to watch me – with all my advantages in life – self-sabotage and complain like I have. Fuck.

And then you look at the statistics: according to the Yale Global Health Review, ‘in 2015, the crude suicide rate [in the USA] for white non-Hispanic males aged 40 to 65 was 36.84 per 100,000 people – more than twice the rate in the general American population’. If it wasn’t already clear that we have more than enough representation, we’re huge in suicide too.

Given this, I think it’s worth examining why many privileged white men can end up feeling they have no legitimate claim to pain, and then never deal with what they can’t lay claim to.

Even while writing this I’m visited by the thought ‘Who even cares? There are much bigger problems in the world than white men who feel sad.’ (This is a bloody laughable thing to write your first piece on – get some perspective, arsehole, and put away your tiny violin.) But you know what? I’ll continue because I think we need to advance the conversation around mental health for everyone, and it’s the only experience I feel qualified to talk about.

From systemic toxic masculinity (‘Boys don’t cry’, basically) and an ostensibly homophobic fear of sensitivity being beer-bonged into us by our friends, family and the media from as early as we can remember (‘Chug, chug, chug!’) to the slow realization as we get older that the world is actually stacked towards our success, we end up thinking that our individual psychological decline is shameful.

I believe it is psychologically dangerous for our egos to be built up as much as they are; for the importance of success to be so great; for the world to open its doors more to us than to others (most of us willfully ignore that those advantages exist, though we feel them deep down, and subconsciously know that it is unfair and that we must capitalize on them).

It is dangerous for us to be made to feel we can do anything and be anything, to gain an understanding of women as a resource rather than a lesson in empathy and love – and then find in all our capitalistic and egoistic fervour that we have neglected to take care of that other muscle that enables our survival: the mind.

I for one felt like Donald Trump, starting with $413 million and ending up broke and lying about my tax records. Maybe then it’s no surprise that so many disaffected white men identify so deeply with him. (It should be noted that I absolutely don’t.) That and our shared love of doing anything we want and saying whatever we like without consequence to ourselves.

That shared love has rightly led to a debate about what white males are entitled to say and do. I believe we’re entitled to no more than anybody else, which at this point requires a lot of listening and rebalancing. I also believe everybody is entitled to pain, no matter how perceptibly or relatively small that pain is. I don’t want the shame around depression and anxiety in privileged people to become worse any more than I want it for the marginalized. Because without addressing that pain we end up with more cis-gendered white male egomaniacs who bleed their shit on to everybody (and some of them will write albums about it).

James Blake's essay is from It's Not Ok To Feel Blue (And Other Lies), a collection of writing about mental health, curated by Scarlett Curtis.

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Jealousy Rant

Hello you Rotten Folks,

Due to real life stuff I have been posting less frequently but in particular that long-form stuff. So have this big olde rant on jealousy in BL I may or may not edit more, and may or may not make into audio.

Triggers: for discussion on abusive behavior including physical violence, stalking, controlling behavior, and sexual assault.

Why jealousy is a bad trope:

1.)    It’s toxic

2.)    It’s non-conflict

3.)    It doesn’t actually deal with the roots of jealousy

Are you a fan of Fap’s furious fujoshi fumes, but want a meta-analysis of the genre as a whole instead of specific titles?

Oh no it seems literally no one is asking for that…no one except Faps and FUCK YOU I DO WHAT I WANT HAHA!

So that brings me to “Trouble with Tropes” or heh heh TROUPLES!

Anybody who’s ANY fan of romance has had to stare into the unrelenting green eyes of this trouple.  I speak of no other than Jealousy.  While I think some of what I’m going to say will resonate with how jealousy is used in fiction on a whole, I’m going to focus on how it’s used in BL…which I feel is a very potent and distilled version of it. Also heaven forbid I read about anything beyond nasty gay tonguings.

What better place to start than What IS jealousy?

Jealousy can cover a variety of topics but in the case of romance here I will be talking specifically about romantic and sexual jealousy.

Dictionary.com states that - feeling or showing suspicion of someone's unfaithfulness in a relationship.

Seems to be the one best suited for a romance but I’d argue that the definition that suits BL’s brand of jealousy is more like

fiercely protective or vigilant of one's rights or possessions.

Why do I say this?

Well because sometimes they literally say their partner is a possession.  And even if not outright stated, it is heavily implied in the script.

(examples: Cute Devil + lamb project + Radical blood monster + Others)

There’s also the fact that very rarely is infidelity even considered a legitimate thing that would occur. As I said, the jealousy in BL is very, very POTENT and therefore has escalated beyond a suspicion of COULD BE UNFAITHFUL to a PERSON IS MY PROPERTY AND MY PROPERTY IS NOT ALLOWED TO INTERACT WITH OTHER HUMANS!  

 Getting real

Before I start ripping through this topic like a repressed teenage boy rips through a heavily populated street in Grand theft Auto… allow me to say that jealousy is a valid emotion to experience.  When I rip on this trope it is not my intention to invalidate people who do struggle with jealousy in their relationships.  However if you experience an emotion it doesn’t give you carte blanche to behave in any way you please.   It’s the same as regular old anger.  It’s normal to be angry if a partner forgets to let the dog out so the dog pees on the rug.  However beating the shit out of that partner is NOT the right way to handle the forgetfulness or your own anger.  Same with jealousy, it’s not unusual to get jealous of someone close to their partner. However that person responding to that with physically removing them, and screaming threats at them is SUPER NOT OKAY!  Yet that is not uncommon in BL.

One must also maintain an acceptable amount of jealousy in order to maintain a healthy relationship.   It’s not wrong to feel really angry or sad when you’re jealous…but if you get these feelings ALL THE TIME and due to things that are not a threat to your relationship, then that’s something to manage rather than something to blame on your partner.  Capice?

TOXIC

The main problem is that the jealousy that is common in BL is HELLA TOXIC! Jealousy is regularly tied to deeper issues of personal insecurity yet the fact there is any kind of insecurity is very rarely mentioned in the text or even subtext of the story.  Instead of this becoming a problem that one has to deal with on a personal level, it becomes a problem of the other having to obtain unrealistic standards.  Sometimes the source of the jealousy is not a feasible such as a TODDLER NEPHEW or the fact that strangers GLANCE AT THEM when in public and sometimes the source of the jealousy isn’t even human. I have seen characters throw jealousy tantrums over pets, work (school or career orientated), and even the vague concept of a SPORT!    So if you’re trying to avoid jealousy in a BL make sure you don’t go to school, don’t have a job, don’t own pets, don’t have family, don’t go out in public, and DEAR GOD don’t have hobbies either!  Woah faps those things aren’t humans so it’s not like romantic or sexual jealousy.  That’s a fair point…but the thing is the romantic/sexual jealousy functions the exact same way in those non-sexual/romantic scenarios.  HOW COULD THAT BE???? Well the jealousy that we see here is in part about being left out when a partner does other things but is in large part about dominance.  You got no other man to posture against? Well then just posture at a child, a puppy, or at a basketball why not?

Not only does jealousy crop up to unreasonable situations, an unreasonable amount of time (I’d estimate it occurs in 80% of BL mangas) but the way it’s handled is usually problematic as well.  

The most common response I’ve seen to jealousy is the seme grabbing the uke by the wrist, dragging him away from the source of jealousy, pinning him to a wall, explaining that the source of jealousy is bad for the uke or that the uke is behaving poorly/stupidly by simply interacting with the source of jealousy, and they a fit of forceful jealousy induced make-outs or sex occurs that range from consensual to downright very non-consensual.  Sometimes the uke will protest this treatment or the characterization of the jealousy fodder but this is pointless because it doesn’t become a conversation.  It is simply about the seme controlling the uke and asserting his dominance.  

Stalking is also extremely common if there is suspected jealousy.   Troubling jealousy behavior can range from as tame as going through someone’s phone without permission to drugging, kidnapping, and nearly killing a partner for one of these trespasses.

HEY HEY HEY NOW! You man-hater! Ukes can be super creepy jealous too! …but ukes are men too… THAT’S NOT THE POINT! You’re acting as if only dominant partners experience jealousy!

No, no, no, you’re right. Ukes get jealous too and sometimes to the same batty degree.  Yet, as a whole, uke jealousy tends to be less common and less destructive than jealousy of the seme variety.   The most common situation where an uke gets jealous of what a seme is doing is, the uke is pushed into a corner to admit he’s jealous.  The seme will reassure the uke he’s misunderstood and they make up.   On one hand you can argue that this is a much healthier way to settle a jealousy problem. On another hand you may view this as something of a double standard.  

If the uke’s jealous��it’s the uke’s fault and it’s nothing to worry about.  If the seme’s jealous...it’s the uke’s fault and it’s deadly serious.

This double standard even extends into how we view violent reactions for either side.  If a seme hits an uke for a trespass it will usually be framed as serious and scary.  If the uke hits the seme for a trespass it will usually be framed as a silly, and harmless outburst of tsundereness.

…Yes that’s right, the patriarchal set up of the seme/uke dynamic doesn’t just take a shit on ukes….though 9 times out of 10 it’s the ukes that do get the short end of the stick here.

Okay but let’s get the root of the problem…why is jealousy used?

If you’re a person who is not a bitter feminist killjoy who says aggravating SJW shit like, “TOXIC MONOGOMY CULTURE OPRRESSES MY GENDER NEUTRAL GENITLES” you may argue that jealousy is romantic.  I personally don’t think it is, but you’re fully allowed to view jealousy, as a concept, as a touching display of vulnerability and investment in a relationship.

However if you’re a cynical over-thinking fujoshi brimming with resentment to the genre you’ve mistakeningly dedicated your free time to, you may say the frequent use of jealousy is simply because it’s EASY WRITING!

It’s handy throw-away drama you can use in an established relationship that won’t have deeper ramifications for the relationship even if it’s on-going.  You can solve this pretty easily at any given point or decide to reintroduce it despite it previously being wrapped up.  You can use this almost TOTALLY regardless of either of the characters’ personalities or back stories.   It’s good for a quick antagonist, or to tantalize fans with a different flavor of sexual tension.  This is usually dependent on the gender of the jealousy fodder.

Ugh I’ve heard you use the term ~jealousy fodder~ like a billion times.  Why do you call it that?  

Because these characters rarely have anything going for them besides the fact they’re the conflict du-jour.  You’d be hard pressed to learn an interest of the fodder’s outside of “TRYING TO BANG PROTAG!” and they rarely do anything else in the story besides create this shallow drama.  Sometimes the jealousy drama is totally auxiliary to the main conflict of the story to boot. If you’re lucky and ONLY if you’re lucky the fodder will be shuffled into another couple.  Sometimes you won’t even see this jealousy used in a love triangle way.  It’s usually pretty obvious from the beginning that the protag is going to choose even if the other option is an objectively better person and choice for them.

In my years of reading BL I have only encountered 2 instances of a character being jealous and the other character ACTUALLY cheats on him. (Zetsuai Bronze and Totally Captivated.) Now people have different standards of what “cheating” is.  Some goes so far as to say that “Thinking about cheating” is CHEATING.  Even by that (pretty ridged standard) I would still say only the above.

Despite this low, low number, I see jealousy used in manga 80% of the time.  Are you picking up what I’m putting down here?  A breach of actual trust is not actually going to happen…99.99% of the time.  Oh but what if the jealousy is something a character has to work through to feel less anxious?  Excellent idea! I’ve seen that approach FUCKING ONCE! (Café Latte Rhapsody) So if there is no actual threat of trust breaching and it’s not something either of them has to work through on a mental or emotional level….WHAT KIND OF CONFLICT IS THAT?

NON-FUCKING-CONFLICT IS WHAT!

I’d be much more entertained by staring into my own fucking bellybutton….but faps obviously you would since you navel-gaze as if you have a gemstone there.  IF I BELIEVE HARD ENOUGH I’LL BECOME I CRYSTAL GEM OKAY!?!?!?!?

Eh-hem!

But you will see jealousy commonly used in one instance of actually plot important drama.  And that is the ever, important, cementing of a couple’s relationship.   I call the use of jealousy in this instance:

TOY TRUCK CONSUMATION

Da fuck is that?  Toy truck consummation is a character will only realize he truly cares romantically for someone because he experiences jealousy. He didn’t want that toy truck until somebody else was going to play with it.  Thankfully I don’t see this often outside of high school settings.  A grown-ass man who is that fucking blind to his own feelings and childish enough to throw a tantrum out of it, can fuck RIGHT OFF! ….Though honestly teenagers behaving that way is still deeply shitty.

This is not an auspicious beginning to a loving relationship, if it’s formulated over single-mindedly hating a 3rd party, a 3rd party that is typically on good-terms with the target of affection.  So, a relationship we’re supposed to root for is predicated on a dude swooping in and ripping a valued person away from them for entirely selfish reasons.  I wouldn’t consider it dreamy if a seme threw an uke’s beloved play station 4 out the window because it holds the ukes attention sometimes.  I consider it even less dreamy when it’s something even more valued like yanno a friend.  (Though of course this can happen from the uke to the seme as well.) While sometimes, this individual is romantically interested in one of our leads…I’d say a good half the time if not more…they’re not at all.  

“Why are you losing your mind over someone, you’re not dating, hanging out with their friend? Even if the friend very obviously has 0 romantic or sexual interest in them?  Is it because you’re an anal fungus that causes people to shit their pants for no reason?  It’s probably because you’re a parasitic ass mushroom that makes people poop uncontrollably”

This, also, is pretty damn lazy.  Writing someone coming to grips with a difficult emotion is hard in itself. Writers will usually use 3rd parties to help bounce information back to a struggling individual to help give them insight.  And that can be used in this case as well!  Interacting with another couple, talking to someone who’s an out LGBTQ person, or even just a friend or relative that can relate!  However all of that is harder to pull off as melodramatically as a petty fuck-lord gut-punching a jealousy fodder out of the blue.  Hoo boy sonny! We should have a parade in his honor cause golly isn’t that the way to handle your problems!

But what if the jealousy fodder was really after them?

Then I would say the story may feature the trope….

Irrational jealousy magiced into rational jealousy!

What I mean is that there is a dominant that appears to be irrationally jealous.  There is no indication in the text the jealousy fodder is not on the up and up and the dominant is not privy to classified documents that make him secretly suspicious.  However turns out the harmless friend, acquaintance, co-worker, boss, mail man etc is actually a heartless rapist just trying to lower the submissive’s guard.  

This trope makes me foam at the mouth because not only is it cheap, cliché, and annoying but it justifies abusive behavior.  It states that No matter what crazy shit that lunatic boyfriend of yours spouts he’s fucking infallible.  If he tells you that the atmosphere has become poisonous to you and the only breathable air is in his testicles, you better clamp down on that cocktail wiener like a pit-bull because any damn self-serving nonsense he spews must be followed to the fucking letter.  Why? Because he is a mind-reader, a genius, and a clairvoyant with flawless judgment by nature of being born a DOMINANT MAN! TA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!

May I just add this is not a trope specific to BL but a trope that makes me want to drink into a stupor each time I see it.

Well if you’re so fucking relationship savy, how would you handle jealousy in stories huh!?

…By actually tackling the causes of jealousy which are very rarely acknowledged in BL.  As far as I can tell there are 3 major roots of jealousy.

1.)    Insecurity – I am not a good enough partner so my significant other is going to drop me as soon as they find somebody better.

2.)    Distrust – My partner does not respect our monogamous agreement and will sleep with other people if they can get away with it.

3.)    Missing out -  I feel left out if my partner is doing something without me.

I have seen all three roots play a role in fictional jealousy outbursts and they’re usually tied intimately together.  However the 1st two are the keys here.

Mistrust is an interesting situation because 99% of the time the mistrust is not that the partner will sleep around given the chance.  However the mistrust is shown as more of a, “I cannot trust my partner to avoid situations where they’ll be sexually assaulted.”

While this is framed as a jealousy issue at times, I don’t think it should.  Why?  If a character is sexually assaulted it is NOT the victims fault.   But haha welcome to the 50 foot deep pit of backwards sexual politics that is BL. YOU’RE WELCOME!

Insecurity plays a large role in BL jealousy…but I have only seen it addressed directly as a failing of personal confidence once. (Café Latte Rhapsody)

Most of the time characters that are subtextualy highly insecure are portrayed as powerful and that their jealousy tantrums is just ~how strong men act~ rather than ~they obviously hate themselves and fear their partner would find someone better.~  

I’ll be quite frank, a lot of the time…they’re correct the uke could do a lot better than the jerkass seme they’re saddled with.  However, instead of changing their negative behavior for the better they just control the uke’s every movements which is yanno not doing the uke OR the seme any favors. Sometimes this functions realistically in a story like in Space Between where Riki is an unwilling sex slave and Iason keeps him under his thumb.  However the majority of them treat this like a normal and healthy relationship…but

Wouldn’t it be better if one is not constantly wracked with fear over their partner leaving them?

Wouldn’t it be better if the other can have friends and leave the house?

I’m not saying the two can’t struggle with issues of jealousy…but I mean…can’t we treat jealousy like something they work on together instead of just,

“I can’t believe you talked to them! I DIDN’T MEAN TO!”

That sound clip? Just play it on loop

“WELP LET’S HAVE THIS SAME EXACT PISSING CONTEST FOR THE 90TH FUCKING TIME!  IT’S NOT GOING TO BE DIFFERENT NEXT TIME BECAUSE WE’RE NOT GOING TO TREAT IT LIKE ADULTS WOULD!”

 So the problem with jealousy as a trope in romance and BL fiction is thus:

1.)    It’s toxic, doesn’t treat it as toxic, and sometimes justifies the toxicity.

2.)    It’s pathetic, cliché, non-conflict

3.)    It doesn’t really even understand what jealousy is.

[dimples-of-discontent]

13x16 thoughts (from Paleyfest)

(I may need to go back and refine later but these are my post-Paleyfest notes on 13x16.)

I loved this episode!! It was a ton of fun. It was slapstick and silly but did some heavy lifting too. Honestly, it worked the way a lot of our favorite crack episodes did and alluded to at least one of them explicitly (”Changing Channels,” obvs, and I think there may have been more subtle references to others).

I’m too tired to do a full meta analysis but here’s a kind of bullet recap, first of the most plot-based elements:

The plot turns on the fact that the Scooby Doo world, suddenly, ends up functioning like the world Sam and Dean inhabit. The boys enter the cartoon assuming all usual cartoon rules would apply (and Dean’s ready to have a rollicking good time with them) only to discover that the first murder in the haunted house is real. Ghosts are real. Death is real. Sam wants to tell the Scooby gang about it from the get-go but Dean wants to protect them and preserve their innocence.

It’s already obviously about childhood, and losing it, but Dean makes it explicit by talking about how much he loved Scooby Doo because no matter where their dad had dragged them it would always be on. They were his friends and constant companions. He is really being thrown into the best part of his childhood….and you can see why it would be the best because it’s probably his fantasy and deepest wish that the ghosts, demons, etc. of the world he inhabits would turn out just to be bad guys in masks, death wouldn’t be real, etc. It’s Dean safe place in childhood because it takes his actual life (ghost hunting) and makes it safe and even fun. Dean wants to keep his safe place safe and is shocked and horrified when the rules of his universe invade.

It’s Sam who wants to tell them the truth about monsters from the word “go” even before it’s been revealed that death can come to Scooby Doo. (Dean laments, heartbreakingly, that it doesn’t matter if he dies…what’s important is that they make sure Scooby doesn’t die because clearly he’s such an innocent creature.) Sam, who did not have his childhood cut as abruptly short as Dean and who did not have to seek solace in a cartoon world because Dean helped him make a safe space in the real world, doesn’t see the point of lying about ghosts being real. Dean, who worked to keep Sam safe from this knowledge for YEARS of his own stunted childhood by acting as a parent, does want to keep the gang in the dark because he wants them to retain their innocence. It’s a huge lampshade to the different experiences Sam and Dean had as children and as sons.

They do eventually have to tell the Scooby gang and, wonderfully, it induces an existential crisis in them. Watching Daphne question the existence of God based on what she has inferred about the afterlife is amazing. It is not what I expected. Dean brings them back from the brink by reminding them of all the good work they had done before.

I’m going to tell the ending now and then double back to some other observations: the phantom they are chasing is the ghost of a small boy who is being manipulated, through a cursed object (a pocket knife given to him by his beloved father before he died), by an unscrupulous man (the real estate agent who we met in the beginning) who unleashes the boy’s anger on whoever he chooses for his own purpose…to scare people off of property he wants to buy. This way, the villain of a typical Scooby episode actually becomes the villain of this SPN episode…the evil real estate developer.

Before heading back to their world, where they burn the pocket knife and free the ghost, Dean convinces Sam and Cas to lie to the Scooby gang and tell them that they were right initially–ghosts aren’t real. He goes so far as to stage the unmasking of the cartoon villain (the one from the original Scooby episode) and helps them to explanations involving wires, cornstarch blood, etc. Sam is grumpy about it but does it anyway. It’s crucial to Dean that they leave the Scooby gang as they found them and not saddle them with the world the Winchesters live in.

Let me just reiterate…the ghost that has been terrorizing them is frightened little boy. Who kept a pocket knife (much like the one we see being used to carve the Winchester’s initials into the Impala) as a token of his dead father. His father is symbolized and memorialized by a weapon. The weapon is the object the little boy is tied to and that another man–a bad man–can use to manipulate him into hurting others because “I just get so angry sometimes.” To be free, the knife (weapon, father’s legacy) has to be burned. There are closeups on a very sad Dean while this happens (some sad Sam and Cas too).

It is blindingly obvious that the little boy, who is wreaking havoc on the cartoon safe space of his childhood, represents Dean. To stop the destruction Dean has to let something go (he starts the episode referencing Elsa and EXPLICITLY SAYING THIS LINE I CAN’T EVEN). Something that is keeping him angry. Something that is tied to his father. Something that can be used to manipulate him, employed as a weapon to hurt other innocent people (Mark of Cain/Demon Dean plot lines). Dean is full of anger and of self-loathing and it’s coming from the same source. That source is toxic masculinity. Let it go, Dean. Let it go.

Is it also tied to issues of sexuality? I think so. I’ll reflect a little bit below, but I wanted to do the whole plot-based analysis first.

And now the less plot-based stuff:

Ok, so can the ghost represent repressed sexuality/a different form of masculinity? SO MUCH YES. Point one: Cas is the only one who stops to take a look at the ghost and is thisclose to seeing through it’s big ol’scary disguise and finding a vulnerable child. He stops and squints at it, Cas-style, and says “I’ve never seen a ghost wear such a ridiculous costume. Unless…” and then he reaches out to it, starting to push aside the veil only to be pulled away. Now if that isn’t metaphorically precisely what Cas did, and does, for Dean and his performing facade I will buy a hat so that I can eat it.

Point two, there is a scene where the ghost is chasing everyone through a series of doors on either side of a hallway (you know the scene…they run across the hallway, doors open and shut on either side, feet flying everywhere). They successfully shut the ghost in a closet with iron chains, though it’s close to breaking out. Daphne presses her body up against the door to hold it. Dean checks her out very obviously in a way that is both superfluous to and inconsistent with the plot. This means that the silhouette of a conventionally sexy woman is QUITE LITERALLY holding the closet door closed on the ghost. Metaphorically, it shows how Dean is able to use his attraction to conventionally sexy women to hold back what’s haunting him…attraction to men, ideas about a certain type of masculinity. Does it work? BIG FAT NO. The ghost breaks out anyway. (<Puts on professor cap> Have you guys read “The Beast in the Closet”? It’s by Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick and is about “intense male homosocial desire as at once the most compulsory and the most prohibited of social bonds.” It’s about Henry James’s work but I think you would all dig it. <Takes off professor cap.>)

I wanted to start with that because I can tell that people are going to be very upset about Dean’s excessive flirtation with/pursuit of Daphne. And, yeah, I almost injured my eyes by rolling them so hard at some of the things he says. BUT THAT’S THE POINT. What he’s saying is a child’s idea of how a grown man would act with a woman he likes. And it bears a great deal of similarity to how Dean does act sometimes. We call it performing!Dean and wonder to what extent Dean is conscious of his performing. Given this episode I’d say..maybe .not that conscious? I feel like the overstated heterosexual dudebroness was done specifically to give us an over-exaggerated literal cartoon version of heterosexual Dean to compare to regular Dean so that anyone who doesn’t know Dean performs in his own life will have a lens through which to see it.

Also, Daphne is his childhood crush. OF COURSE he’s going to act like a moron around her. If I encountered [insert childhood TV crush here…for me it was Kevin from “The Wonder Years” for whatever reason] I’d act dumb as fuck! But you have to remember that she represents innocence for him…it’s established that all the Scoobies do (heh - puns!). Even if he’s kissing her hand or putting an arm around her or whatever there is no danger there, just like there’s no danger in the ghosts. Sexuality to Dean isn’t scary in Scooby Doo because it’s simple: it’s just a girl he likes. Except, just like how the ghosts are also dangerous, the love plot isn’t going to be that simple or that straightforward (heh - straight). You see where I’m going. Dean would rather be in a universe ghosts weren’t real because it’s safer and easier and kind of a fantasy land but they ARE real and he will have to deal with them; Dean would also rather be in a world where he was a suave, irresistible ladies’ man because it’s safer and easier and a kind of fantasy….but he’s not. Jensen even said so in his interview. Granted, Jensen’s comment may have just meant that Dean’s not suave like he thinks. But the actual episode draws a parallel that’s pretty damn clear.

Another reason to not worry: Daphne is zero interest in Dean at all. She has negative interest in Dean. Her lack of interest in Dean has created a void that is sucking all the air out of the room. She may not even know that Dean is hitting on her. She is so focused on Fred that no one else exists for her as a romantic interest. They are so obviously a pair, even though they are never shown to be together as a couple explicitly.<Stares directly into the camera like I’m on The Office.> Can Dean not see that? Is he blind? Well, he does see it, but he thinks Daphne is “settling” for Fred who represents a kind of masculinity that makes him uncomfortable (more in a sec). In point of fact, no one is romantically interested in Dean in this episode…unlike Sam who gets a lot of appreciation (and an eventual kiss) from Velma.

As for Fred, Dean begins by really hating him (so much that Sam remarks on it) and when pressed about why he attributes it to Fred’s self-confidence despite things like his “stupid ascot.” Dean comes to like and admire Fred and, ultimately, have the confidence to wear an ascot himself BECAUSE HE LIKES IT. It didn’t make Fred less of a man. It doesn’t make Dean less of a man to wear it with his plaid shirt. Fred helps Dean along the way to some self-acceptance. It’s nice. Fred is there to serve as a contrast to Dean’s overblown notions of what is “masculine” and offer another form of masculinity that is, manifestly, still appealing to the ladies.

Now, remember the Scooby Doo universe doesn’t have sex in it. It’s a cartoon. And they bend those rules only the tiniest bit here. All of Dean’s advances and even his jokes are PG. That innocence on the part of the Scoobies is played for laughs, Daphne remarking that Dean is silly for not knowing that “boys and girls don’t sleep in the same room” for example, but it’s also integral to the plot. (There are some other jokes too and, for a glorious second, I thought that they were legitimately going to reveal that Daphne and Velma were a thing but sadly not.) No one would want to ruin the Scooby universe by telling them about sex…not even Dean. Again, it contains a child’s conception of relationships.

I’m imagining some people will also be upset about how the episode treats Cas. I was especially stung that, right at the outset, Dean says flat-out that “Cas is basically a talking dog.” I made a noise of indignation that made people look at me. BUT let’s also remember how much Dean loves that talking dog. He’d die for him. He wants to protect him at any cost. He doesn’t want to spoil his innocence. So, yeah, that’s not a nice thing to say but it’s also not the whole story. Cas is grouped with Scooby and Shaggy the whole time and he bonds with them, SMILING (ALERT ALERT CARTOON CASTIEL KNOWS HOW TO SMILE) AND LAUGHING when he has to leave. He thanks them for showing him the importance of humor even in dangerous times. I think it’s a good lesson for Cas and his real affection for them reminds me of what a soft character he is inside, wanting to get a cat or save monkeys or keep bees. That’s been missing from Cas lately (even though I do LOVE bamf!Cas) so maybe this will help him recall it.

I want to say again that Cas is the one who can see through the ghost and its “ridiculous costume.”

Interestingly, both his entrances (his first appearance after Fred and Dean take off to drag race; when he reunites with the boys in the haunted house) frame him as a scary villain. The first is from behind and you just see the coat billowing out (though this did remind me of the girl running the drag race in “Grease” which…lol); the second he’s silhouetted in a window, approaching it in the rain, and is then covered with a sheet before he’s “unmasked” by Dean and discovered to be a friend. This is…pretty much Castiel’s character progression always. Looks like a threat but is discovered not to be.

Once they get back to their regular world Dean makes a remark about how that was the most fun he’s ever had “including that time with the Cartwright twins.” Cas studies him and asks “What did you do with the Cartwright twins?”. There’s a long beat in which Dean looks shifty and grins and shakes his head and turns away. Sam says “I don’t think I want to know.” Cas says nothing. Cas does want to know. This is new and part of a general progression that @amwritingmeta wrote a great analysis of where Cas is becoming able to think something like Forget that sacred oath…I must know what Dean did with those twins.

There was probably more, you guys, but it’s super late for my poor body clock. Please feel free to pass this on to anyone you think would like it but bear in mind that a) there are MASSIVE SPOILERS, b) this is just my interpretation of the episode, and c) I only saw it live once so my details may be wrong.

I thought this as a fantastic episode the more I think about it and I’m SO EXCITED to hear your thoughts!! <3

[thedogsled]

13x04 as you’ve never heard it before: Trek vs. Wars

Both do it right. Both make some mistakes. Both have good intentions. Both are brought up in 13x04. Both have crazy ass fans who need to inform you how much superior one is than the other. But uh. I just find it amusing that in a season so far that has presented us with such duality, an episode that opens with a Star Wars reference throws in a Star Trek one as well just for consistency.

I’m going to touch on both because it’s fascinating to me, particularly as both references are so clearly bonded to Jack. And I know, I know. They’re obvious pop culture references, but there’s more underneath the surface to them if that’s all you know them as.

Okay, so I’ve seen people talking here and there about Anakin and Ahsoka. I didn’t watch Clone Wars (though it’s sitting on my shelf right here, oops), so I don’t actually know about Ahsoka, but obviously Anakin is a big deal. 

I’ve seen meta comparing Jack’s potential arc to Luke’s and to Vader’s, but that’s because in a lot of ways their arcs are similar, it’s just that they have different outcomes. Luke, of course, has friends and family in his court, while Anakin is under the thumb of a master manipulator in Palpatine who essentially corrupts him because of his great potential power. There’s an easy line to draw there, of course, between Asmodeus and Palpatine. And so if you lean into the Anakin comparison, you have the following:

Anakin was not a child when he was taken in by Qui-Gon for training (I mean he was but by the standards of the Jedi Temple not really)

The Prophecy regarding Anakin said that he would bring balance to the Force (Ultimately he did, there were 2 Sith and 2 Jedi left)

The Jedi Council feared his power/influence and initially forbade his training

And then Anakin consequently lost all the people he cared about or who had faith in him, starting with Qui-Gon.

Which led to him being trained by Obi-Wan who was barely out of Padawan diapers and a bit of a rule breaker himself

And lets face it had a less than stellar upbringing too (But I guess the EU is no longer canon so w/e)

And don’t forget that Obi-Wan is pretty fucking depressed in general (He describes it as his fate to be sad) but he had just lost the person with which he had a profound bond

It’s no wonder Jack aspires to be more like Ahsoka. By Clone Wars Anakin - because of his skill and the lack of leadership experience of Obi-Wan - is a bit of a cocky dick. He endangers others. He’s arrogant, prideful, rageful, prone to outbursts of emotion and ultimately imperfect. The fact that he has such great power raises him above his peers, and those who train him begin to try to impede his process rather than give him - impetuous and unchallenged as he is - a position of wider influence. This leaves opportunity for Palpatine to prey on his feelings of how unfair this situation is. And ultimately? Anakin thinks he’s doing the right thing. He thinks he’s doing good because he’s been told it’s the right thing to do by someone he trusts.

"I see through the lies of the Jedi. I do not fear the dark side as you do. I have brought peace, freedom, justice, and security to my new Empire."

Or paradise?

But Jack can be Luke too. The difference for Luke (just as it’s made clear in the scene of Jack in 13x04) is that he doesn’t want to become Anakin. Luke walks into that cave on Dagobah and in a nightmarish sequence this is the fear he’s presented with: that he and Vader have a great deal in common. (ftr he lops Vader’s head off and the mask explodes to reveal Luke’s face underneath) But it is this fear that allows Luke to choose his side.

This imo is a ray of hope for Jack. He knows what he wants to be: he wants to be good. He’s just not sure of what he’s feeling.

Which leads me to Spock.

Spock is also Jack. Now if you don’t know anything about Star Trek, you probably believe the hype: Spock is a green blooded alien freak from the planet Vulcan. He’s not. Spock is a half breed, half human and half Vulcan, and that’s why I’m going to compare him to Jack. That’s where these layers come from.

Vulcans breeding with humans is seen as a taboo, you see. It’s just not done. There’s all sorts of reasons for this (such as mating rituals) but among them is that Vulcans see humans as emotionally volatile (and unenlightened because of it). A half human child, therefore, is equally prone to this volatility. Spock attends Vulcan schools where he has disputes with other children and basically has to try twice as hard to BE Vulcan to prove that his human half doesn’t make him less than. This troubles his father, of course, because Sarek did fall in love with a human woman (two actually) and he loves and admires the humanity in his son. But Sarek - being wholly Vulcan - is never able to actually express this. Spock didn’t find out the true depth of his father’s feelings until he mindmelded with Picard in season 5 of TNG). Anyway, I’m wandering off topic.

The thing about Vulcans that is overlooked by haphazard pop culture references is that they do feel emotions. They feel them with deep intensity, but through societal pressure/meditation they’ve built a resilience to expressing them--a resilience that fractures every time their hormones go crazy. Spock struggles with his emotions because he has two conflicting halves to contend with, human volatile emotionality and Vulcan intensity with deliberate emotional repression. He is unemotional because he’s gone to pains to suppress it in the past, and identifying and empathizing/sympathizing with those emotions isn’t something his upbringing has trained him to do. Spock chooses to focus on his Vulcan side. As a consequence this half-Vulcan raised on Vulcan acts like a Vulcan because he doesn’t understand the emotions of the people around him, and is detached from something that a human upbringing could have taught him. Spock represents, therefore, an interesting example of duality because it is his choice which defines him:

Data: “As you examine your life, do you find you have missed your Humanity?" Spock: "I have no regrets." Data: "'No regrets.' That is a Human expression." Spock: "Yes. Fascinating."

(For those who don’t know Data’s story is more like Castiel’s, it’s a story about aspiring toward inachievable humanity)

(Author’s note: If you want an idea of how Vulcan culture works, it’s like imagine Toxic Masculinity: The Planet but instead of men being subtly forced to hide their vulnerability it’s generations of very long living, stubborn people being subtly forced to hide their emotions entirely. Nope, that still sounds like Earth)

So Jack is dumped in Dean and Sam’s world, fully grown, surrounded by all these emotions. He FEELS DEEPLY. He has strong and volatile emotions, just like Spock, that he has no understanding of how to demonstrate. Take, for example, that Jack went in to Mia and asked her to become his mother, the deep and intense emotion that motivated that arrangement. There is genuine emotion there, but Jack doesn’t know what to call it, how to identify with it, or if the feeling is good or bad (which is the greatest issue of all because he Does Not Want To Be Bad)--he only knows that it hurts. But what is he supposed to do with that hurt? Man up, maybe?

That Jack’s powers, therefore, are linked to his expressions of emotion is particularly interesting. Outbursts of emotion have been linked to power before in the show, and specifically parallels to Max Miller were brought up in this episode too. That’s no surprise. But Jack’s power is angelic in origin, so his being able to express it through emotion, which is arguably unangelic (though I have opinions on that, damn it) is a whole other kettle of cod.

Jack has been dumped in a world of emotion without the ability to empathize or sympathize. He’s trying, but it’s no surprise he’s having difficulty. Unlike Castiel who had years to begin to learn emotion long before he became human, Jack has been thrown in at the deep end, and it’s not helped at all that these tidepools of human grief are his window on that world because the one thing Sam and Dean aren’t being at the moment is emotionally consistent.

Anyway. I’d been staring at this gifset @elizabethrobertajones made and literally couldn’t put my inner trekkie to sleep. I’m sure this was meant to make more sense than it did originally, but it’s just my take on it. Both Anakin and Spock canonically experience strong emotions and both are taught by the institutions meant to train them that those emotions are dangerous. In Anakin’s case emotion helps him harness greater power. Both have to struggle with their duality, and both face prejudgement because of it. Ultimately despite their differences they both have to make a choice. Unfortunately for Jack, he has to deal with both aspects of his duality as a nephilim and whether his powers/emotions or possible lack of each make him good or evil.

Which leaves him struggling with one question: Who am I?

[sleepyboglife]

@sebulba tagged me and I’m avoiding responsibility so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 other blogs to answer as well.

I don’t know that many people on here but @the-pacifist-in-combat-boots @motherpotato @monleek @tacosax

1. Last drink: Water™️

2. Last phone call: My brother,,, he was across the hall...

3. Last text message: I sent a pic of my sister’s lizard to her

4. Last song you listened to: "curious” by Hayley Kiyoko

5. Time you cried: my New Years resolution was to not have feelings so I can’t remember. I usually cry during a depressive spiral so I repress the fuck out of that shit

6. Dated someone twice?: always been a single pringle

7. Kissed someone and regretted it? Never been kissed

8. Been cheated on? Not like in a relationship but these potheads in my freshmen geometry class copied my homework all the time

9. Lost someone special? Unfortunately so

10. Been depressed? That’s the Mood

11. gotten drunk and thrown up? I’m a sober square

favorite colors

12. BLUE

13. Green

14. Red/pink

in the last year have you…

15. Made new friends? Yepppp (surprising considering I’m “mean” and bad at conversing)

16. Fallen out of love? Mm yeah. In and out a couple times I think. Idk

17. Laughed until you cried? Oh yES

18. Found out someone was talking about you? People have told me that teachers have talked about me in other classes (good things though. My ap lit teacher talking about my passion for lord Byron comes to mind)

19. Met someone who changed you? For sure

20. Found out who your friends are?: yesss! So glad to be rid of the toxic people! They may have dropped me but I’m so glad to be free!! Just me and my lovely friends now!!!

21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list?: ya gotta rub in I never kissed a pretty girl

general

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl? Idk?! Idek how many of them I have

23. Do you have any pets? Yes! My bearded dragon Pancake

24. Do you want to change your name? I used to when I was little but now I’m like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Laura’s good

25. What did you do for your last birthday? Had my parents pay the down payment for my dorm next year

26. What time did you wake up today? 4:30 am Cause I hate myself

27. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping

28. What is something you cant wait for? Housing selection. Waiting is making me anxious and I already gave them (my parents’) money

30. What are you listening to right now? “Curious” by Hayley Kiyoko on repeat

31. Have you ever talked to a person named tom? Yes I DESPISED HIM

32. Something thats getting on your nerves? Little noises in a quiet room, people moving around in my perferial vision while I’m trying to focus on something else, people in my room

People.

33. Most visited website: tumblr and pinterist. Or my school grade/website thing

34. Hair color: dark brown

35. Long or short hair: long (she’s getting longgg)

36. Do you have a crush on anyone? Maybe. One might be developing...

37. What do you like about yourself: lol um. My sweaters. The fact that my brain can pull me through school even when I’m being lazy and stupid

38. Want any piercings? Maybe my ears. I’ve seen earrings I want but getting my ears pierced means going outsideeee. Maybe I’ll make someone take me

39. Blood type: O+

40. Nicknames: Lo Lo, Lo Jane

41. Relationship status: single and wanting a bf/gf but at the same time as very choosey and don’t like people touching me

42. Zodiac: Capricorn

43. Pronouns: she/her

44. fave tv shows: all the nature documentaries, Jane the virgin, b99, fresh off the boat

45. Tattoos: nah. Not for me but I think they’re really cool

46. Right or left handed: righty

47. Ever had surgery: unless wisdom teeth count

48. Piercings: nope

49. Sport: nah. Used to swim ages ago but I don’t like being wet or around people

50. Vacation: I went to philly with some friends

51. Trainers: ???

more general

52. Eating: my favorite food is probably plain original Cheerios. Other common meals include poppy seed bagels, yogurt and goldfish (yay college), in season fruit, and coffeeeeee

54. Im about to watch: probs the ceiling

55. Waiting for: bed time

56. Want: to be happy

57. Get married: it’d be nice but I’m not taking anyone’s name

58. career: something in science I think

which is better?

59. Hugs or kisses: hugs when I’m in the mood. I don’t like people touching me so

60. Lips or eyes: eyeballs I guess (in general or like on a person?!)

61. Shorter or taller: doesnt matter to me

62. Older or younger: in a partner? Idc as long as it’s not a creepy age difference

63. Nice arms or stomach: don’t care?!

64. Hookup or relationship: relationship

65. Hesitant or troublemaker: depends on if I’m being crazy or sad

66. Kissed a stranger? Naaaaah

67. Drank hard liquor: nope

68. Lost glasses: all THE FUCKING TIME

69. Turned someone down: i think? I’m very bad at reading signs. Whatever was going on he was being creepy about it

70. Sex on first date: nope

71. Broken someones heart: god I hope not

72. Had your heart broken: not broken. Maybe like prolonged sad until I was okay with it

73.Been arrested: no and if I was I’d probably cry cause that’s the kind of person I am

74. Cried when someone died: yes. A lot

75. Fallen for a friend: sigh. Yeah

76. Yourself: she’s being a bitch rn and won’t do what I tell her to do

77. Miracles: if this is asking if I believe in them then no. I believe in chance and statistics and science.

78. Love at first sight: maybe infatuation or intimidation

79. Santa claus: who is she

80. Kiss on a first date: no. Only have had one date it went well but I don’t think we work as anything more than friends

81. Angels: the only angel that exists is my sister she’s perfect and I love her so much (she’s sleeping next to me right now)

other

82. Best friend’s name: Emma the Frog, Kari the Bean, Sarah Mallory the Terrifying Individual, Monique the Human Shitpost (y’all been through it all with me. I love you assholes 💙)

83. Eye colour: Brown and I love them now but oh boy was is a ride (#romanticizebrowneyes)

84. Fave movies (right now): Of Ants and Men, Belle, Wonder Woman, Empire Strikes Back, Bend it Like Beckham, The Frog Princess, But I’m a Cheerleader

85. Fave actor: Mmmm probably Gina Rodriguez

That’s all folks

[awed-frog]

Ladies Drink Free/Playing House

The biggest reaction I had about this episode was about Claire, but since it’s slightly wanky, I’ll save it for the end so you don’t have to read it if you don’t want to. My other thoughts generally went into a Mick direction - who the hell is he, and what are they doing with him?

Because this guy - he’s supposed to be this bookworm who’s never seen any action, but at the same time he kept a remarkably cool head around the Alpha Vampire and, more importantly, he killed a kid without falling apart at all. No hesitation, no second thoughts, nothing. He’d spoken to her mom and all, and that made no difference. So now I’m kind of wondering - of course, narratively they decided it had to happen this way to establish a Claire precedent and give them something to fight about, but Mick wasn’t disturbed, or apologetic in the slightest. I mean - he’s not a psychopath, so there was this barely there sadness clinging to him, but it’s also clear that to him, these are animals, and, sure - it’s a shame to put down the family pet when it’s got rabies, but what can you do? It’s certainly not something that’ll make you sleep any less soundly. Plus, he was perfectly capable to hold his own during the investigation, and even saved Dean’s life at the end. I think Sam and Dean are underestimating this guy - assuming he’s just a squint and it’s Mr Ketch they got to worry about - and judging from next week’s promo, that’s something that will land them into a lot of trouble.

It’s also remarkable that they agreed to continue with this alliance at all, and it’s not clear, to me, what is forgivable and what isn’t in their world. Asa’s friend and that Alpha Vampire’s sidekick were exiled, or worse, but when Mary’s duplicity resulted in another hunter’s death, nothing much happened. Here we’ve got Mick killing a young girl and potentially damaging the investigation (they’re supposed to work as a team, right? and that girl had vital information into who the werewolf was), and yet he gets a second chance because, what, he knew about a method of curing lycanthropy which should never have worked? I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it, per se, just that I don’t know where the line is anymore. Maybe that’s the point?

The other thing is, if Mick was played as a Cas parallel - in a very vague, ‘dorky and slightly unshaven guy with tan coat riding in the back of the Impala’ way, then I’m going to be superhappy that he cosplayed as one of Dean’s established crushes. I mean, Mick was wearing grey both at the beginning and at the end of the episode - he only changed into a deep blue shirt in time to be mistaken for Dr Sexy, so surely I’m not the only one who’s slightly suspicious about their motives or noticed the look Dean gave him?

I’m also happy about Dean ‘repression&deflection’ Winchester calling out Mick for not being open about his feelings (dude, seriously?).

And it was nice, as always, to see the storyline focusing on toxic masculinity and toxic heterosexual relationships and Dean being pissed at men who treat women like dirt. Someone who grew up like he did and lives a life of motels and random violence could very easily have been one of those ‘women are bitches’ fuckboys, and the fact he’s not never fails to warm my heart.

That said, time to use my mom voice and talk about Claire.

I really didn’t want to, but I’m finally calling it: I’m too old to be okay with teen heroes. It’s a sad moment, and surely some kind of turning point in life, or whatever, but what can you do? We all grow up at some point. In case you’re wondering if this is happening to you too, symptoms include a) scoffing at Claire, b) wanting to strangle Claire, c) yelling Just do as you’re told, Claire and d) Go back to school, Claire at various intervals during this Ladies Drink Free episode.

I mean - I do like her, and she’s ballsy af, and I want to hope that being an angel vessel will afford her some kind of protection going forward (who knows, maybe that’s exactly why she survived that untested cure), but for fuck’s sake.

The first rule is, like, you don’t hunt alone - not if you have a choice. And Claire’s got plenty of choices - not only she lives with Jody (and, come on, how likely is it that Jody can do ‘all the work’ during a hunt? what Claire meant by that is probably that Jody talks to people, which, considering Claire’s underage and looks about twelve, seems reasonable enough; but when it comes to driving around and ‘hitting the lore’ and fighting and shooting - even if Jody wanted to keep Claire’s involvement down to a minimum, we know how hunts go - they’re simply too unpredictable for that), but she’s got access to Cas, Sam, and Dean, and, through Jody, to a whole network of other hunters we know nothing about.

(Jody had a thing with Asa, remember? So all these people are not as unconnected as they appear to be.)

So to up and leave like that, telling no one where you are, hunting things local police will know nothing about - that’s basically a death wish. Remember how surprised even Sam was when Dean showed up at Stanford and told him he was hunting on his own? And we’re talking about someone who was trained to do that since he was six years old.

One point for Claire, though, is that she sort of understands you should maybe give a call to your loved ones when you’re dying? 

(Not Cas, though, because apparently this never happens - Sam never thought about calling Cas was Dean was on the brink of death, and nobody thinks about calling him this time around, either. Not that I’m bitter, or anything.)

Unfortunately for Jody, though, by the time Claire realizes that she’s already turning, so it’s a good thing she survived or Sam and Dean would have had some serious explaining to do.

And, look, I understand most TV show out there have this dumb do or die 40 minutes format, but I’m really uncomfortable when someone makes life-altering (or life-destroying) decisions without even trying something else first. Because Claire, who insists, both during and at the end of the episode that she’s a big girl and she can do everything alone, including hunting supernatural monsters -

(look, I love her, but this is someone whose only accomplishment in this episode was to have a successful gossip with a bunch of high schoolers, remember? because everything else - she pissed off the victim’s mother, didn’t manage to make her way into the morgue, antagonized her main witness by throwing beer into his face - which, okay, he was being an ass but you’re working, Claire, so do what’s useful to the case, not what’s morally right - had a fight with someone she was supposed to be working with, stomped out into the woods with her headphones on to calm down even though she knew there was a werewolf around, got herself bitten and kidnapped and tied up - not exactly the resumé of someone who’s ready to go at it alone, especially considering this is a very dangerous line of work and no one should go at it alone)

- when push comes to shove has to admit that she’s a mess and she’s not strong enough to try and live with lycanthropy. Which, okay, fair enough, but these things can be learned? Many people (almost everyone) are sort of a mess when they’re 20 - it doesn’t mean that’s going to be your default personality forever and ever. And this line of reasoning, and its consequences (an untested medical procedure which had a very high chance to result in agony and death) are particularly disturbing if we consider lycanthropy is often used in fiction as a metaphor of some kind of disease. Like, ugh?

You know, when Claire was babbling about that, I had a flashback to this conversation I had last month with a friend who’s living with severe manic depression. This person, after a disastrous period in a mental hospital where she was medicated up to her eyebrows, is now trying a different approach (under medical supervision): she’s adhering to a very strict routine, she doesn’t drink, she doesn’t eat certain foods, she works out four times a week. For someone like her, who used to be a party animal, changing her habits in such a dramatic fashion was a shock. It’s not been easy, like, at all, and thank God she’s got a supportive family and friends who live closer to her than I do. But the thing is, it’s working. 

Being diagnosed with any incurable illness - like lycanthropy, for instance - is certainly difficult and will require a lot of adjustement, but it’s not the end of your life, and maybe it’s time fiction stopped to portray it as such. The fact Claire asked her friends to kill her without seriously considering any other possibility, and the fact Sam and Dean went along with that despite knowing for a fact that lycanthropy can be managed, kind of set my teeth on edge. Again, I understand it was a big and dramatic scene and whatever, but really - ew.  

[tarasmediaportfolio-blog]

Interview Questions analysis

WI’m really happy with the answers I got and I feel like I got a range of different perspectives. It was interesting to see how in all of my interviews, everyone answered that they think society’s definition of masculinity is based on this idea of having mental or emotional ‘strength’. Personal definitions were also very similar, with the exception of Zach. They answered that they think true masculinity is having confidence in who they are. Knowing that they think this will be really useful for my article because it is something that will hopefully relate to a lot of guys. Confidence in yourself is also really important in my opinion. Using this to start my conversation of masculinity can maybe change how the boys reading this magazine will think of themselves and how they choose to grow. 

Family was a major influence on how all 4 of these boys grew up. Zach talked about how all his life he had been shown support from his family and how his family had been open about their views for pro-gay marriage and pro race equality, which made him feel comfortable about coming out as gay when he was 13.  Zach also talked about how he never really cared about what anyone thought about him because he was confident in himself, which may also be thanked to his parents showing that support and acceptance. Sammy talked about how his family and friends told him to “get a grip” and “suck it up” whilst growing up. He talked about how he found it hard to show his true self because he defines himself as an emotional guy but has been shunned for showing that emotion. He also thinks that to solve this problem of toxic masculinity, it has to start with the parents. Brandon said he thinks his dad has had a major influence on how he thinks about crying, he thinks that crying would make him seem weak and makes others seem weak. And lastly, although not in the interview but a conversation afterward, that Waleed agreed to let me talk about, he talked about how his family punished him for crying and being upset. Family is obviously a very big part of growing up but I don’t know if I should mention this in my article. Family is a really tricky subject because not all families are safe, supportive, and caring. I think if I do choose to talk about family in my article I should talk about the influence that family does have on kids, this way I can keep it relatable to the young readers, but if anyone older does choose to read it may open their eyes on how they should treat their future or current children.  It was interesting that Zach and Sammy were the only people who said there were lots of resources at his school to help him out with mental health, stresses, and etc including guidance counselors and inspirational posters, although Zach never used the resources he felt like there were lots of places he could go for support. Sammy said that the resources didn’t help him at all and made him feel worse. I feel like this is something interesting and can be used elsewhere in my magazine, to talk about how guidance counsellors need to be better trained because in my own experience I’ve had pretty lousy guidance counsellors even though there was a large range of them. Brandon and Waleed said they didn’t have these resources, Brandon mentioned that if he needed help he would see the principal or his teacher. This makes me feel that it is important that schools have resources like Zachs. Taking from my own experience at my old school, having posters did actually really brighten my day and were really cool to see. We had whole hallways dedicated to posters with strong female women saying iconic quotes, including drag queens and transgendered people. I think this created a really positive environment and made people more open-minded. It’s cool how that even across genders, posters seem to have a good positive influence. I might use this as an opportunity to make a rip out poster in my magazine.  I think there’s some interesting quotes that I can use out of the interviews that can actually be used across my magazine, especially Zachs answers.

Some good quotes from Zach could be around his concept of the nuclear family 

“For me, society’s definition of masculinity goes back to the concept of a nuclear family.“ “ where the man is the working figure, and the mom tends to stay at home and nurses the children, as well as makes food. Though this idea can very much be true for some households, I feel like it’s been set as the “norm”, which it shouldn’t be.“

“Definitely my family and how supportive they’ve been throughout my entire life. Ever since I was young my parents have always been liberal and open-minded about “controversial topics”, such as gay marriage, racial inequality, and so on.”

“ I think that because I have always felt so secure and supported by my family since such a young age, I grew up to be careless about others’ judgement.“ “it’s my responsibility to make sure my perception isn’t blurred or misconstrued because of what other people say.“

“But if the idea that men don’t have to be masculine (and vice versa with women) and that showing emotion is rather brave and respectable, then I think that could start paving the path with future generations. “

I like Zachs answers because they are really uplifting and teach you that it’s kind of your responsibility to take care of your wellbeing. Like obviously you can lean on others for support, but if you truly want to be happy and free then you need to stop comparing yourselves to others and your responsibility to be confident in yourself without the need to rely on others for constant support. I think his perspective is truly unique from a lot of others so people could learn a lot from his quotes

Waleed’s quotes:

“I think in societies eye, to be a man, you have to be strong, courageous, dominant and assertive“

“if a guy tries to share his emotions or how they feel they are labelled as gay or a sissy.“

“To me true masculinity is a guy that is confident enough in themselves that they really don’t give a fuck about what others think in regards to their emotions“

“I think masculinity should have the characteristics I listed before in regards to being strong and courageous etc. but its more so in the way they act/or use those characteristics - its not being dominant as in who is the more ‘alpha guy’ or whatever, its fighting for what’s right and protecting those they love/care about.“

Although there isn’t a lot of quotes, there are some really good ones that align well with Zachs message of just being confident in yourself no matter what anyone else says. I also think it could potentially back up some other points in my magazine that toxic maculinity is real. 

Brandon quotes: “I think crying would make me seem less powerful. Crying would kind of get misinterpreted by seeming not necessarily feminine but kind of weak“

“majority of people do not appreciate crying as something that’s very masculine.“

[talking about his dad] “I can’t really say I’m feeling sad or I’m feeling sad because he’ll tell me to get over it,”

“I think it’s acceptance, we as a society need to start to stop shaming people for who they are, we have movements like black lives matter, lgbtq movement, so I feel like if people kind of united behind a common cause and this cause being accepting the differences between what’s right to, the right to the right thing to do being masculine or feminine“

Although I may not use Brandons quotes in my article I think some of what he said is really interesting and it’s something that I should research more into, like looking into movements and seeing the potential impact it could have on mens wellbeing, however that could be kind of controversial since in todays society there are a lot of movements AGAINST (white) men because of how they damage womens wellbeing. Something to look into nonetheless!  Sammy Quotes:

“As a male you’re told to 'suck it up’ or 'get a grip’”

“It’s internalised into men that you have to be tough, which men will associate with not being able to show their true feelings.“

“I’m sure many men have it ingrained into their heads that showing emotion is a sign of weakness and it must be punished, but a lot of men know that deep down, showing emotions is perfectly normal and even healthy, but due to the way people are raised, there will always be some sort of barrier or emotional blockage that prevents people from showing their true colours even when it is the best option for them.“ “ I rushed to my aunts home (where my grandma had passed), and sat around with my family as they all bawled their eyes out, leaning over her body and just in absolute disarray as they learned she was gone. I was there, with everyone, and while I was very upset myself, I did not cry or say anything. I made a tiny speech to my grandma as the family sat around and it triggered more bad crying, but again, I did not join in on that action. “

Sammys interview was very good and would be great to use his stories as anecdotes because I’m sure a lot of boys can relate to Sammy feeling as if he has to repress his emotions all the time, which he then turns into anger. I feel like I could literally base my article all off of Zachs interview but I think it’s important that I include a range of views in my article to remain unbias and to fully prove the point that this is an issue that needs to be addresssed