#I support asexual rights & wrongs. He has permission to do anything he wants.

[seaslimes]

The saddest thing about Anri is that I actually do enjoy her character so much but Charles is so mean to her. All those PSAs about evil fandomers refusing to ship women with men because of misogyny? That shit is true but only for Charles Eyler specifically.

Also the poor thing is named Henrietta. All my sympathy.

[heretherebedork]

I’d love to enjoyed Wandee Goodday fully but I’m disappointed with ignored topics such as Kao’s asexuality - we didn’t get really to see him talking about his crushes, his love life or going on dates and Wandee’s support, father situation - they forgave him too soon and wasn’t it too perfect? You change like that immediately? Without proper talk or time? Ter wasn’t even punished properly, why didn’t they report sexual assault? And putting goofy funny music when Dee was kissed without his permission? Big no from me…

No show is perfect. Ever. Especially when GMMTV is involved. Honestly, this has been a good show for GMMTV, no denials.

It's not perfect.

Kao was a minor character, meant to be Dee's friend and to provide a bit of support and comedy and contrast. His asexuality that made him a fan favorite was not meant to be a big part of the show. Look, I am the first person who wanted him to have a boyfriend but it was very obvious in the show that there was not going to be a tertiary pairing. (Now, to be clear, I wonder if some of that is possibly due to GMMTV's very strong pair branding aesthetic right now and if that's preventing actors from getting pairings that won't lead anywhere for the company but boy howdy do I know nothing about that please don't send me asks about it.)

Yak and Yei's father needed more time. I can see what they were going for but that needed to be a multi-episode arc and we could have skipped over a lot of Ter stuff for it, especially since the show doesn't seem to be focusing on that outside of a lot of those moments and parts were unneeded. It would have been good to see the father return several episodes ago and to get a better feel for his relationship with both his sons, with Cher, with the gym, everything... instead of just one night together. Which didn't add a lot and gave us no room to see the change or to believe that he means anything of what he says.

As for Ter, this is an ongoing issue in BL and just generally, where a man being assaulted is downplayed compared to a woman. Like... it's just a whole thing. Let's be honest here, if Ter was in a MAME romance people would be cheering for him. So... let's not pretend the show isn't just playing into what people have enjoyed in other places. It wasn't well done and it's not right but it is, sadly, common. Other shows are making jokes about being boyfriends automatically meaning consent and laughing about 'no means no but only when I say it, not when you do, hahaha' so... it's just really common and it's frustrating but it's going to be there.

See, you didn't touch on my biggest issue which is that, apparently, Cher is unbothered by Yei lying to him. Like... not even a little? Nothing? No conversation? Not a single word? Nothing? Cher was so desperately trying to get Yei to talk to him and he finds out that not only did Yei lie to him but lost their home and we get... just loving support? Wonderful, so sweet, but nothing? He deserved to at least whack him on the head.

And having Dee literally watch a single video of his parents loving him as an infant and deciding that meant they loved him forever and his trauma was over? Rough. I was hoping it would be something, like, his parents collecting things he had made for them or writing him letters as they traveled or just... anything. But a video of them loving an infant and then, apparently, never interacting with him again? Ever?! Really!?

Look, I love this show deeply. It's a good show. It's fun and it's romcom and I like how the relationship grew and how the characters fell in love and all of that... but it's not perfect. Nothing is perfect. And there's nothing wrong with talking about that. And sometimes the imperfections you notice are the ones that matter to you because you care about the show otherwise and wish it was better.

[queerlyraging]

I am affected.

“being aromantic doesn’t affect you”

I’m in elementary school. I’m an avid reader, always have been and always will be. My favorite books are the ones with lots of action, and fantasy, and different worlds full of different lives and different people. Whenever the characters fall in love I roll my eyes and turn the page. I don’t understand how they have time to fall in love when there’s a war going on.

I only like the historical and realistic fiction books without any romantic based plot. I love the Little House on the Prairie books, even if Laura does get married later. I care more about the lifestyle than anything, about learning how the prairie children live.

I finally get permission to read teenager books. They seem so mature and amazing and developed compared to the children books, but they have so much romance in them. What happened to preserving family bonds and forging strong friendships? I roll my eyes through slow kisses and huff at the silent pining for someone they can’t have. It seems so ridiculous.

My favorite pairs are shipped, but I never see how they could be in love. I never really have an OTP, but I treasure my BROTP’s and collect their friendships and sibling bonds quietly. I try and explain how I feel about the shipping to my friends, but they don’t seem to understand, so I give up and quietly listen to their talk of how much the characters love one another, defeated by the overpowering majority who scream about romantic love.

I don’t hate the ships, I just like the friendships better. I seem to be the only one who feels this way. I am isolated. 

“being aromantic doesn’t affect you”

I’m in elementary school. I really want to be friends with this boy. He is smart, he is funny, he plays sports, and we seem like we would be good friends. Most of all, he reminds me of my last best friend, before I had to move. But I am awkward, and easily influenced. My friends tell me I must like him. I don’t know how to deny it, so I agree and follow their advice.

I think it’s stupid, but maybe I do like him. Maybe that’s how all this works.

Our friendship is ruined. He doesn’t like me anymore, friend or otherwise.

“being aromantic doesn’t affect you”

I’m in middle school. Everyone around me talks about who they like, and why they like them. I think that I also like people - surely, liking someone means you really want to be friends, right? I ask. I’m laughed at. I choose a boy in my grade to like.

When I get older, I’ll like people, I decide. I’m just not old enough. For now, I’ll hide behind being unable to date until I’m older, and for now I’ll choose someone who checks all the boxes my friends seem to talk about. To me, it just sounds like what people want in a best friend, except they’re supposed to be cute.

I make a list of qualities, find a new boy every year in my classes. I choose someone I probably won’t see the next year, and am never very disappointed when I don’t have a class with them the next school year. I wonder if everyone does this.

The ‘crush’ of the year tells me he’s moving states after I tell him I like him. I’m relieved, instead of sad. All my friends comfort me, but I don’t really care. They find this odd, so I don’t talk too much about it. I hate feeling isolated.

“being aromantic doesn’t affect you”

I’m in high school. I’ve been a silent observer of the LGBTQ+ community since elementary school. For a long time, I wonder if I’m anything besides what society considers ‘normal’, if any of the identities apply to me. I wonder if how I feel is how everyone feels. No matter what I do, I feel different than everyone else about love, because I’m so indifferent to it.

I discover the asexual community first, and then I find the aromantic community. I’m surprised by how much I relate to it, but I’m also scared. This can’t be me, because then I wouldn’t be able to have the life I’ve always wanted.

Perfect family. Perfect husband. Perfect job. Perfect life.

I deny it. I tell myself I don’t actually relate, I just want to be different. I’m just caught up in a trend. I can’t aromantic, no matter how much I relate. I hate how I feel. I just want to be like everyone else. Why can’t I be like everyone else?

“being aromantic doesn’t affect you”

I’m in high school. All my friends are in relationships. I don’t really understand, but I try my best to be supportive. At the beginning of my sophomore year, my best friend tells me he likes me, and has liked me for awhile. I ask my big sister what I should do. Do I like him back? For the first time, I ask what romance feels like.

She tells me it’s like being best friends, but there’s just a little more. I wonder what that little more feels like.

We begin to date, and I’m uncomfortable. He’s my best friend. Nothing is different, except we hold hands, yet the concept of dating someone… it feels wrong.

I finally accept it. I’m aromantic, and that’s okay. We break up. We’re still best friends, and he still likes me. I am okay.

“being aromantic doesn’t affect you”

I’m in high school. I tell my friends that I’m aromantic. Each time I come out, it’s a new vocabulary lesson. It’s exhausting to find metaphors and explanations and definitions that they understand.

One of my friends told me she thinks it’s sad that I don’t feel romantic love. I’m too shocked to respond. She doesn’t even try to understand, and I’m hurt by her words. I am perfectly fine without romance - why can’t she see that?

I can’t tell one of my friends. I think he likes me and I don’t think he would understand, because he says things that feel wrong. I find out he’s a Trump supporter and quietly break off our friendship. I can never be too careful.

One of my friends says that I’ll find someone who makes me love. He thinks it’s just a joke, but I am hurt. None of my friends understand why I am mad. He means well, but it’s like he’s forgotten who I am.

I can’t tell my family, except for my big sister, but she’s far away right now. They wouldn’t understand, they would tell me I don’t know what I’m feeling. My little sister would try and remind me of every fake crush I had. My parents would tell me I haven’t found the right person yet.

"BEING AROMANTIC DOESN’T AFFECT YOU”

I’m in high school. I finally get to tell my big sister that I’m aromantic. I wanted to do it in person, and I’m not worried that she won’t accept me. After all, she’s LGBTQ+ too and the only ally I can have in my house, because I can’t trust anyone else not to shame me.

I tell her everything. She’s pokerfaced. Later that night, I hear her laughing through my bedroom walls. When I pass her door I hear what she is saying to her friend on call. She is making fun of me. 

She doesn’t think I can be aromantic, since I’m so young.

She thinks it’s an excuse, since I don’t want to date my best friend.

She says she felt the same way, and that I’ll find someone like her.

She’s laughing at my identity.

I’m heartbroken, betrayed, anguished. In my bedroom that night, I sob for an hour, spiraling, hating myself more and more. She was supposed to be my ally in the house, she was supposed to support me, but instead she laughed behind my back.

The next day, I can’t look her in the eye.

“BEING AROMANTIC DOESN’T AFFECT YOU”

I’m in high school. My best friend still likes me, and we’re still only best friends, because he knows that we can never be together. Sometimes it can be awkward, but mostly we avoid the topic. A month after we break up, he tells me we can’t be best friends anymore, because he needs to get over his feelings for me.

I go to my queer friend group and cry for ten minutes before my two hardest finals, because they’re the only ones who might understand. This is worse than when we broke up, because then it was mutual and now it is another rug swept from under my feet, another friend lost because of my identity.

He doesn’t understand why I am hurt, and I am too exhausted to put it into words. My friendships matter so much to me, but my friends don’t seem to always understand. 

I tell him to leave me alone. I need to process this by myself. He tells me that we can still be friends. I tell him to leave me alone. He finally understands how much I’m hurt, after I try to explain. I tell him to leave me alone. He tries to comfort me, and I ignore him. After all, he isn’t my best friend anymore, because he likes me and I can’t like him back, and this is just another friendship ruined.

I am affected.

I was in elementary school. I was a kid. I didn’t understand. I felt isolated and different because because nobody understood I didn’t have a crush. 

I was in middle school. I was a tween. I didn’t understand. I felt isolated and lost and confused because nobody seemed to feel the same way as I did.

I’m in high school. I’m a teenager. I don’t understand. I feel isolated and different and lost and confused and angry and hurt because nobody gives me representation and I’ve lost so many friendships because I finally have an identity I’m at peace with.

I’m going to be in college. I’m going to be an adult. I don’t think I will understand. I don’t know how I will feel because the future is uncertain and maybe one day nobody will need a vocabulary lesson every time I say I’m aromantic.

I hate the world for erasing who I am, for enforcing a narrative where I don’t exist. I hate that people tell me that since I can pass for straight, being aromantic doesn’t matter. I hate that people tell me they pity me because I can’t feel romantic love. I hate that I’m never represented. I hate that my potential representation only becomes discourse.

I hope for a future where romantic love is not the only narrative. I hope for a future where my affection with my friends is not seen as inherently romantic. I hope for a future where society acknowledges I exist and doesn’t ridicule my feelings and identity. I hope for a future where I can find canon representation and not have to guess. I hope for a future where I am accepted by those not exactly like me.

I hope I don’t hope for too much.

[guardiandae]

Why Asexual Awareness Is Important To Me

because growing up, I was told that one day I’d get married and have a honeymoon. like it was as inevitable as death. it terrified me. I didn’t know there was any other option. “You’ll understand when you’re older.” 

because when I started dating, I was never exactly opposed to sexual experiences. but I got rejected anyway out of impatience, because I didn’t pick up on clues, or I didn’t initiate. I’m still not sure. ‘We’ve been dating a few weeks and you don’t wanna do anything, so forget it.’ You didn’t ask. How am I supposed to know? In retrospect, I’m glad.

because when I came out to my mother as gay, it felt so simple to me. matter of fact. how could it be any different? but she made sure it hurt. she twisted my words and screamed at me. she called me an embarrassment. she asked if i’d ever had sex with a girl, and of course I said no. why would I have to have sex to know? why is straight the default when no one else at my age has had sex either? why would sex ever be a prerequisite? but she screamed at me that it didn’t count then. I couldn’t be gay. didn’t count. she made sure that I ended up in tears. and to this day I see other LGBT screaming at aces that we don’t count. That not having sex or not feeling sexual attraction towards the same sex is homophobic. the same homophobic arguments that were used against me when I identified as a lesbian, recycled by the people whose rights I’ve stood and fought for my entire life.

because when I had my first Real girlfriend, my first Love, my first sexual experiences, I was never frightened, but also never into it. I didn’t understand why it didn’t click for me. Why I was never struck breathless by her beautiful form but instead, oh no. How am I supposed to react so she doesn’t take offense? because she was Gorgeous, but whatever I felt was clearly... lacking. not enough. and I felt broken, broken, broken.

because in my time, the A in LGBTQIA often did stand for ally. Sometimes asexuality was mentioned offhandedly, interchangeably. an afterthought. barely a footnote. but I never knew what it was. The information I was given was limited. aces aren’t interested in sex. as if it were all wrapped up in a neat little bow for them, content and perfect. but i was interested in sex. how could i not be? it haunted me. I didn’t know you could feel romantic attraction separately from sexual attraction, or that aces could deal with sex without feeling attraction. I thought I was “gay but just really bad at it.”

because I spent so many sleepless nights crying myself to sleep wondering and worrying if the person I was dating really knew and believed that I loved them even if I couldn’t feel sexual attraction towards them.

because I was so terrified of sex that I became obsessed with it. I thought I had to learn as much as I could and that would somehow cure me. Read articles, learn in theory how to do the acts, what to expect, how to behave. Consume fiction, consume porn, brace myself for the inevitable, condition myself to grow into it. All I managed to do was become very good at writing smut and still have a complete disconnect in real life.

because when I finally questioned myself, my ex boyfriend, who was asexual, told me flat out that because I wrote and enjoyed fictional porn, I “didn’t count” as asexual. because I thought that he, as someone who had already claimed the label of asexual, surely knew better than me what it meant. and nothing online that I could find, at the time, contradicted him. I thought to myself, but... that’s fiction. but nothing supported me. so I cried and then I buried it and I tried even harder to fit in with my sexualized peers and didn’t let myself think about it anymore. for years.

because I admittedly put myself into really dangerous situations, thinking that if I could just lose my virginity and get it over with, I’d be better off down the line for someone else. like it was something I could just break out of me.

because despite literally years of trying to condition myself to think and behave sexually online, to roll with the jokes that made me cringe, eventually it got to me. I started having breakdowns, panic attacks, crying fits, and I had no idea why or what was wrong with me.

because when I revisited asexuality and finally found just a single line that said aces can masturbate and enjoy porn and still be ace, it was the single biggest relief of my life. I finally felt like I belonged somewhere. I didn’t have to keep breaking myself trying to fit where I didn’t belong. I wasn’t broken in the first place.

because when I came out as ace, on my first ace week, several of my fandom friends did as well, and none of us had known the others felt the same way. We’d been so lost and isolated and alone and now we weren’t anymore.

because just knowing and being able to set boundaries for myself and give myself permission to walk away from conversations that became too uncomfortable, was a tremendous relief on my mental health and happiness.

because when I came out, my blog was posted on r*dd*t for the lulz and I had anons coming to harass me and ask me if I had been assaulted and traumatized and wishing for me to seek a ‘cure’. Complete fucking strangers. I saw my friends get death threats and rape threats just for saying ‘I’m ace’.

because despite personally writing smut and knowing other aces who write smut, I’ve still been personally attacked and accused of ‘hating nsfw’ and I’ve seen aphobes react like aces existing is somehow a fucking moral judgement against non-aces

because even aces who are completely sex-repulsed shouldn’t have to suck it up and act like they personally approve of sex in any form, in order to make other sex-crazed people mind their own fucking business and give them a ‘pass’. I’m not ‘one of those good aces’ just because I like fictional porn, to a degree. and I’m not breaking into your fucking house to stop you from wanking just because I personally don’t like a thing. It’s called personal preferences. one person having negative associations with sex is not a reflection on you personally. Someone saying “I don’t like sex, it disgusts me” is not the same as someone literally saying “you’re disgusting for having sex.” Grow the fuck up.

because not knowing that asexuality was an option caused me years of pain, and being given wrong information and gatekeeping held me back even longer in that prison.

because there are still misconceptions about what it means to be asexual.

because I remember what it was like to be stuck in that dark place, feeling broken and confused and alone because I didn’t quite fit the mold, and I want to help others find themselves sooner.

because despite all of the bullshit thrown at us, embracing my asexuality has made me the happiest I’ve ever been. I love being asexual. I love being me.

because I’ve had numerous people come to me privately inquiring about their own asexuality, just for the sake of confirming it privately, and then vow to never come out publicly because they’ve seen all of the hate and harassment aces get, even from fellow LGBTQ folks, and they couldn’t handle that. and I don’t blame them one little bit. it would be naive to pretend that doesn’t exist. it does, and it’s ugly, and it hurts so much to see. but just remember, there are so many more people who will love and support you.

you don’t have to come out. but just knowing for yourself? is so much better. and there are so many more of us than you’d think and you’re not alone.

[cometcalloway]

Pros and Cons of Dating Getting to Know my Muse

Stole from: @magioffire​​ (thanks!) Please steal it from: me

Name: Sparrow Hawthorne Race: Living painting (Human) Sexuality: Gray asexual / gray romantic

-List all the Pros and Cons of a relationship with your Muse below-

Pros:

1. Exploitation is not love, no matter how worthy the cause. Sparrow knows no higher truth. He would stop and rethink his entire life a little if he caught himself exploiting a stranger. Someone he cares about, someone he knows and likes? He would be honored to support their self-directed flourishing, and he’s actively thinking about the role he’s playing in that. If he has reason to support or prevent a goal they have, he’s not going to play the “This is actually for your own good for these roundabout reasons” game, he’ll accept that he and his friend are legitimately at odds and go from there.

2. If someone else has an issue with his friend, they have an issue with Sparrow. He’s known a near bottomless terror of not having any help at all and having to accomplish huge things on his own, and that’s nothing a friend of his deserves. He’s not going to validate a friend who’s facing consequences for being cruel to others, but he’ll even stand up for a close friend who’s made a mistake, as long as their response is some version of trying to fix the mistake or trying to not repeat it. He won’t necessarily risk his life for a friend (not after having his life be treated like a resource for other people throughout his early life), and dangerous situations can be negotiated case by case... but when all it ‘costs’ to step in is making someone mad or breaking a social convention, like, fuck you guys. That’s my friend.

3. Sparrow doesn’t care about hustle culture or laziness or ‘inadequacy’ shame or hand-waving reasons why people ‘have’ to hurt themselves or overwork themselves in order to be worthy or whatever. He knows his own needs, and he won’t abandon himself. He won’t ask others to abandon themselves, either. Anyone looking for permission to rest, to be no more or less than enough, will find it in Sparrow.

Cons:

1. Sparrow is here to engage with the authentic self in others. Being expected to interact with anything else feels like a waste of time, at best, and deception, at worst. He’s the person who’s like, “I think you guys should break up :\” or “just tell your partner you don’t like concerts and you’re not going to go” when a friend tries to come to him for support about miscommunications and pet peeves and invisible efforts in their relationship. This way of being can be a gift to his connections, but he’s the wrong friend for validating a ‘cheat’ day in authenticity, when a friend just needs a break from showing up & figures a little blending in and compromising is just how it goes sometimes. Maybe he’ll hear them out, maybe he won’t be actively dismissive, but at his most supportive in this case, his energy is like, aw, couldn’t see my friend today, I’ll still be here when they’re ready to come back though.

2. Everything about pro #2 is also true when it’s no big deal, really, it’s fine, his friend didn’t want a spectacle and now twenty people are staring at them and Sparrow and some asshole at Walmart.

3. It can be hard to find ways to include Sparrow in things when he’s so individualistic and uncooperative. A chill trip to an event with a loosely planned agenda and a certain vision for the energy might attract other friends like a magnet, in a very straightforward and uncomplicated way. Then Sparrow’s friend considers inviting Sparrow and it’s like. But would he want to do this event, does he get along with this person and that person, would he toss out this or that part of the agenda, and is he going to show up and act like it’s another kind of event because it’s what he was in the mood for. Is expecting him to get a matching t-shirt with the friend and Stacy really an intrusion on his zen thing of being self-directed and self-accepting and intentional. And if he treats it that way, can the friend even complain when he’s just exercising a right to have preferences for how he spends his free time. Oh shit, Stacy already took it personally, and the friend can’t say for sure that she was wrong to.