#I strongly suspect something similar to what I talk about in my last paragraph

[entanglingbriars]

You’re coming at this from a really odd perspective, so I want to first say that I checked at your blog and you do legitimately seem to be a Zionist arguing against Palestinian militias rather than for the Nazis. Second I want to acknowledge that a ton of leftists are hella antisemitic and while I don’t agree with your estimated percentages, the basic sentiment probably isn’t too far off from reality.

So, let’s start with two complementary differences between 1930s Germany and modern Palestine. First, Germany was not occupied by Jews. One of the things that makes the modern State of Israel really interesting from a history of antisemitism perspective is that Israel is the first place in modern history that the idea of Jewish political control of a country has been a reasonable conclusion rather than a wide-eyed conspiracy theory torn from the pages of Protocols of the Elders of Zion.

Not only that, but the occupation of Germany ended three years before the Weimar Republic fell and Hitler took control (1930 and 1933 respectively). The Nazis were not fighting to end the occupation of Germany (although you could make a case for reunification).

Second, Germany (at the time the Nazis had power) was controlled by Germans. Although the West Bank and Gaza have some degree of internal self-government, its borders, water rights, and people’s freedom of movement are all under Israeli control. The Shoah was possible precisely because the notion of Jewish control of Germany was absurd.

This could easily lead someone (and in fact has led a lot of people) to conclude that Palestinians’ occupation and oppression is the fault of the Jewish people even if they can easily see through the claim the 1930s Germany’s sufferings were caused by “the Jews.” Conflating the State of Israel with the Jewish people is a common rhetorical trick pulled by both Zionists and antizionists, but this ignores not only all of us in the Diaspora, but also the interplay of racial dynamics among Jews in Israel, the extent to which Israel’s power relies on the backing of foreign governments, the way coalitions form in the Knesset, etc.

Finally, I want to stress just how dangerous making this sort of argument is. The reasons that lead a lot of liberals and leftists to support Palestine are sufficiently compelling to them that they’re unlikely to abandon them if they are unable to explain how the Palestinian nationalists differ from the Nazis. This means that there is a significant risk that in order to resolve the cognitive dissonance this creates they will stop thinking the Nazis were wrong. We see much smaller versions of this when the response to “Antizionism is antisemtism” is “Okay, then I’m an antisemite.” It’s always dangerous to point out someone’s hypocrisy if they can resolve that hypocrisy in a way that’s worse than the hypocrisy itself.

If the gate at Auschwitz had said "CRITICISM OF ISRAEL" about 30% of woke-SJ types would be fine with it. Make it 60% if the Nazis hadn't been white.

Life in 1920 Berlin was no easier than in 2020 Gaza. Germany was under occupation (by France and Belgium). Society was crippled and humiliated. There was like 15,000% inflation, it cost 200 billion deutschemarks to buy a loaf of bread. Rampant unemployment, poverty, hunger, and a suicide epidemic so big it is still studied a century later. And they didn't have a thousand global charities giving them pity donations. If the Palestinians have an excuse to form a fascist militia to mass murder Jewish communities, why NOT the Germans? I always thought it was just plain wrong and there was no excuse, yet all I ever hear about the Palestinian fascist militias are excuses. You see the memes about "What do you call someone who joined the Nazis because they were poor and hopeless? A NAZI, punch a Nazi (like and share!)", makes sense, but apparently there's some fine print involved, a secret password where someone who's double-reverse-pinkyswear hopeless every other Thursday gets to join the Nazis and it's actually understandable and still the Jews' fault.

[archetype-online-blog]

Blog: So it’s time to write a query letter …

You’ve just finished the perfect short story and want to submit it to your favorite journal or magazine. Or, you’ve finally put the finishing touches on that 80k-word novel and you need an agent to start pitching it to all the big publishers. But how do you approach these intimidating professionals* who have been reviewing masterpieces longer than you’ve been alive? Your best friend throughout this process is going to be a really strong query letter.

If you don’t know what a query letter is, don’t stress! It’s just a short note, almost like a cover letter, that pitches the idea of your story to an agent and asks if they’re interested in representing you. It gives you a chance to specify the title, length, and genre of your story, as well as provide a brief summary, so an agent can decide if your work matches their professional interests. A good one can get you moved to the “keep reading” pile — but a bad one can mean an immediate rejection. Like all first impressions, the way you represent yourself and your work is key.

Read on to see our comments and critiques of example letters, as well as advice on how to create and refine yours.

*The people we’re talking about — agents, editors, publishers, etc — shouldn’t be seen as intimidating. They only want what you do — to find amazing, creative works, and to make them available for everyone to appreciate. If it helps, think of them as giant book nerds like you and your friends.

MAGAZINES/JOURNALS

When submitting a short story to magazines or journals, you don’t really need the long summary and detailed description authors include for novels. Your submission is short enough that editors will be able to read the whole thing! Instead, just give them the basics and thank them for their time. A lot of times, journals will post exactly what information they’re looking for in their calls for submissions.

Here’s a sample:

Dear Editors,

I would like to submit my short story “Hills Like White Elephants” (1,400 words) for publication. I have never previously published a short story.

This is a simultaneous submission. Per your guidelines, if I don’t hear back within three months, I will assume my story does not align with the publication goals of Transition Magazine.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely, Ernest Hemingway

This offers all the important information — title, word count, whether you’ve been previously published, and whether this is a simultaneous submission (in other words, if you’re submitting the piece to other journals at the same time). It takes the time to be polite, but it isn’t so long it’ll waste an editor’s valuable time.

The line about the guidelines is optional, though you should definitely follow all guidelines. You can also include any relevant personal information here. Make sure you check the requirements of the journal you choose to see what information they require.

ROUGH QUERY LETTER — MISTAKES TO LEARN FROM

Before we get to a really strong query letter, we though it would be fun to show you one that pretty much misses all the key requirements. See if you can figure out why the mistakes below are so tragic and ill-advised.

Now that you���ve survived that train wreck, here’s why these mistakes might be the last ones you make with that particular agent, and how to avoid them:

1. Agents get TONS of query letters every day, and they want to know you’ve already done your homework and checked whether they’re a good fit for you. So sending the same unpersonalized query letter to every agent listed on a website probably isn’t the best idea! If you didn’t take the time to look up their name and write a separate email, why would they waste time reading the names of your characters and worlds in addition to everyone else’s?

Instead, address the agent by name and always start a new email for each agent.

2. This doesn’t tell us anything particularly interesting about the writer or how their interests connect to the agent, so it’s kind of a waste of time to read. It would be better not to include this paragraph at all.

3. Make sure to mention the title and genre of your work near the top, so the agent knows what they’re about to read. Also, avoid boastful claims or bragging about how good your story is — let your writing speak for itself later on.

4. A lot of people say there’s no such thing as a new story, just new ways to tell it, but you still don’t want your summary to sound like twenty other books or every movie that came out in the 90s. Instead of relying on cliches like “new kid in town” or “chosen one” that we’ve all heard a million times before, focus on the parts of your story that are fresh and exciting!

5. Repeating “mysterious” and “mystery” in the same sentence starts to feel a little sloppy — make sure you read through your letter out loud before you send it off, to catch any embarrassing mistakes.

6. When you read this paragraph, the plot and conflict are really hard to follow. Make sure your summary gives the reader a clear picture of what happens in your story. You can test it out on your friends before you sent it for real — if they can keep track of what’s happening, you’re probably good to go!

7. Again, if a particular sentence doesn’t add very much, cut it — that way, it won’t take up an agent’s time and annoy them.

8. When reading real query letters, the funniest thing is always when people claim their work is “the next Harry Potter” or “following in the footsteps of   J.R.R. Tolkien and George R.R. Martin.” By omitting a claim like this, you’re not saying your work isn’t amazing — but you’re also not setting yourself up for an unfair comparison between you and incredibly sophisticated, famous writers. Think about it — even J.K. Rowling probably wasn’t calling herself the next Roald Dahl or Madeleine L’Engle as she was querying The Sorcerer’s Stone. Statements like this are too bold, and give agents a weird feeling before they even start on the manuscript.

It can be helpful to include works you think are similar to yours if such information will concisely convey the mood or themes of your story to an agent. Try something like, “fans of Neil Gaiman will appreciate the whimsical atmosphere of my setting,” or “my protagonist will captivate people who love the inquisitive nature of Sherlock Holmes and Hercule Poirot.” From these descriptions, I’m prepared to get a similar general feeling from your work. But I’m still expecting you to be a unique, individual author doing your own thing, with all your own artistic choices.

9. Promising your book will make a good movie is also too bold, and feels weird.

10. Be respectful and formal in greetings and closings.

GOOD QUERY LETTER

Strong query letters avoid the mistakes we listed above, and add some other really important information. Here’s one for reference:

1. This writer clearly did their research and found an agent they want a strong partnership with in the future.

2. If you have a really great anecdote, this can be a good way to connect with an agent. If you don’t have something strong and you’re just looking for any way to connect, however, it can be best to omit this section.

Good anecdotes: You’ve interacted with the agent before, either at an event or on social media, and they encouraged you to reach out (this is a REALLY good way to open — get out there and make connections if you can!). Another agent recommended you try querying this one. The agent is particularly interested in minorities or strong women, and that’s a main selling point of your work. This agent stated recently they’re looking for (YA fantasy, middle grade sci-fi, etc) and that’s what you’re going to provide now.

Not-so-good anecdotes: You have a similar taste in books. You think other books they’ve represented are amazing. You strongly suspect based on a few comments in interviews that the agent likes hopeful stories, and your story is hopeful. You just know you’d get along based on something they wrote on Twitter last week.

3. Always mention the name of your work near the beginning, so the writer knows what story they’re about to read and can easily remember it. You can put this in the subject line of your email, too.

You should mention the target age group and genre, too, both in the body and the subject line. Do you write middle grade? YA? New adult? Adult? Is your story fantasy? Sci-fi? Mystery? Dystopian?

4. The summary of your manuscript is arguably the most important part. You want to make it sound interesting and complex, so it stands out among all the other letters the agent will receive. Write it and rewrite it, then rewrite it again. Get feedback from everyone you can.

5. You should specify the word count, and you should also know that your length is right for this kind of story. Agents are going to run away from a middle grade novel that’s 120,000 words, or a high fantasy book with tons of world building and subplots that’s only 30k or 40k. Do some research as you’re writing to make sure you’re hitting the sweet spot, and if your story ends up being too long, consider splitting it into multiple books.

6. Advice varies on whether to mention sequel potential, but if you have a series started, feel free to say so.

7. On their websites, agents will probably tell you how they want work submitted. Are they looking for two separate attachments, a query letter and a manuscript? Do they want the first twenty pages of a manuscript, the first ten chapters, or the whole thing? Do they not want to open attachments at all, and request that you copy everything into the body of the email? MAKE SURE you follow these instructions, as writers that don’t will be rejected immediately.

8. Be respectful and formal in greetings and closings.

As with most of advice, none of these tips apply in all cases at all times. There are always exceptions to any rule, and since you know your work better than anyone, you should trust your judgement if you think something doesn’t apply! But in general, if you stick to this format, agents will be able to move past your query letter and evaluate your work based on its merit.

Want feedback on your query letter? Send it to us at ArchetypeOnlineMag@gmail.com!

Like our blog? Find more posts at https://archetypeonline.org/blog/

[occupyvenus]

Am I the only one who thinks this season is going slower than anticipated? Maybe it’s just because they kept hyping it as super fast-paced and my expectations were too high. I’m honestly feeling a little underwhelmed right now. Can’t really put my finger on why exactly, but still.

Maybe it’s because they are being so silent about r+l=j and white walker related stuff? I feel like these two things should really start driving the plot forward.

But Bran has had like 5 minutes of screentime, so no new white walker revelations there and that whole “we really need dragonglass” obsession is kinda getting boring. It doesn’t seem like he’s going to reveal anything about Jons birth to Sansa or Arya anytime soon neither.

I would have totally accepted if Tyrion and Jons entire cliff-interaction happened off screen, with Tyrion just showing up to tell Dany about the dragonglass out of nowhere. I really hope the whole conversation about Jon being a “northern fool” pays off somehow. Either by him causing his own downfall by making the same mistakes as Robb or Ned (falling for a foreign woman + trusting Cersei), being tempted by it and resisting because he learned his lesson, or doing that glorious double-agent stuff some people speculate about - acting like a “northern fool”, but fooling everyone else instead. 

Even if that scene was meant to pave the road for a positive romantic / sexual / platonic / familial / political / whatever relationship between Jon and Dany, it’s very sloppy writing. They should form a bond through their own actions, not through Tyrion playing wing-man, telling each of them how great the other person is. If that was the only purpose of that scene I am going to scream. 

That screen-time could have been used for way more interesting things. I mean, we could have gotten some unexpected Jon interacts with free-flying dragon moment instead. Imagine Jon standing on that cliff, but instead of Tyrion, Viserion/Rhaegal shows up, lands in front of him, they both stare at each other for a while before the dragon takes off again. Or even better, Tyrion showing up after that, witnessing that little interaction and looking a bit ~suspicious~ at Jon during and after their “I’m an idiot”, “Dany isn’t so bad” conversation.

I just feel like Jons targ-heritage should start to influence the plot soon. Especially now that he is in Dragonstone, face-to-face with the other last living targaryen and we know about his true parentage. I like all the little hints with Jon saying he isn’t a stark and the dragon flying by at the perfect time, I suppose it read the script, but I would want an actual character to hint at it. I want something more tangible. His entire conversation with Dany would have been way more interesting if the audience (especially casual viewers) were more aware of his situation. It would have simply had a bigger emotional impact if we already “knew” or at least strongly suspect that Jon “was born to rule the seven kingdoms” (according to the targ line of succession), that he is “the rightful ruler”. I absolutely loved Jon standing up for the north and telling her how it is, but it would have had more potential. Even Jons death and resurrection is kept a secret, ie hold back from influencing the story, because .... I don’t know. I don’t feel like we have time to set up new mysteries, when there are so many old ones waiting to be lifted.

I really hope that r+l=j will come up in the winterfell-plot somehow, because Littlefinger - without this peculiar information - has kinda stopped being a worthwhile villain. Seriously, Sansa is so done with his shit, neither Bran nor Arya are prone to manipulation, Lord Royce hates him, what vital threat does he pose to the starks if not for some juicy r+l=j info ? And the following implications concerning a certain redheads and northern kings romantic potential) But instead of making some sneaky comments about Jon parleying with the dragon queen, we get a weird metaphysical ... whatever that was. 

Jons true parentage is like the biggest twist off the entire series and having it only impacting the story in the very, very, very last episodes feels … unworthy of it? I’m not even talking about revealing the truth to Jon or another major character, but they should just do ... something ... with it. 

The same thing goes for Bran. Him being the three-eyed raven should really start to be important and crucial to the plot. I am going to assume that it will be very important ~somehow~, but until now he was nothing but a script-page with EXPOSITION written all over it. If he’s going to spend the rest of the season sitting in winterfell, devoid of all emotion, saying ominous shit and doing nothing but figuring out the “big mystery” who Jon’s dad is.... I’ll be really disappointed. I need Bran to be as important as he should be. I need Bran to be more than what he is now. Considering that we are moving towards the series ultimate conclusion, it should happen soon. I’m worried that he will stay in camp easy-exposition, only to ex-machina the shit out of his undefined powers out of nowhere.

Sam’s time at the citadel is similar in this aspect. Like what did he really accomplish there? Finding out that there is dragonglass in dragonstone (duuhhh) and healing Jorah. He is sitting on this huge mountain of fascinating information, the biggest accumulation of knowledge in all of westeros and we do not learn anything new by him being there. Nothing about “blood and fire”, dragons, the long night, the ptwp, azor ahai, the children of the forest, etc.  He could really impact the big war there, but so far he hasn’t. 

I’m rather content with the season so far, yes some of the writing is pretty sloppy, but what else is new. I don’t know, it’s just that the pacing feels ...kinda weird. It feels like there is so much going on, but they are holding back the most vital elements of the story for ... some reason, I suppose. Even Danys invasion feels like it hasn’t even really started yet. I don’t know most of these major plotlines just kinda stand there without having much movement themselves. They threw the tower of joy scene at us in the last finale and haven’t done anything with it. Keep in mind, we are already almost halfway through season 7.   

The only two incidents that seem to really push the “big plot” in any direction are the whole Euron and Cersei situation and Jon meeting Dany. On second viewing even that long anticipated meeting feels a bit drawn-out and under-used, when considering it’s potential. I’m not saying that anything in the first three episodes necessarily falls into the “filler”-category, that’s not it. But there are only 10(!) episodes left. None of this would bother me if the last two seasons weren’t as short, but under these circumstances our major characters feel a bit too .. stationary.  

The one exception would be Cersei, her plot is the only one I would call “dynamic”. It develops from scene to scene, she actively shapes her surroundings and is faced with new challenges or simply different situations almost every time she comes back on screen. Jon, Sansa, Arya, Bran, Dany, Sam, etc. mostly seem to talk about the stuff, they already talked about in the last scene, sometimes with a different character or a tiny bit of new information. Or they talk about things that happened to other characters. Seriously, Cersei already went through an entire arc, while everyone else feels like they are just finished with setting the stage. She is the most interesting, engaging character right now. There, I said it. 

Jon started to actively further the plot by coming to dragonstone, but the Jon’s “big issue” in the second half of episode 3 was literally that he is stuck on Dragonstone and can’t leave. I actually enjoyed his little discussion with Dany very much, them meeting is a crucial step towards the final conclusion , finally coming closer to an answer to the big question behind all this “will they fight or fuck or both or switch between those ...”. But all the tension build in that interaction immediately dissolved when the ended with the half-baked conclusion of him being her prisoner somewhat, but not really. 

This was only supposed to be like one or two paragraphs of mild complaining, but it ended up being way longer, because I just don’t know how to accurately put this into words. So thanks for sticking with me until the end. I’ll say it one more time, Cersei is the only character who seems to actually make both personal and political progress. Maybe they are finally done with putting all the pieces in place and can start with really pushing the story foward, but in that case, maybe cutting the episode number wasn’t such a good idea.

A bunch of stuff happens, but it doesn’t feel like stuff actually happens. Does that make any sense? Does anyone get what I mean? Is it only me? 

[luxenebrisarchive-blog]

psa;; case of theft

Good evening everyone. As someone who honestly dislikes the idea of calling people out and would prefer to avoid drama, I've decided to make this post only with the intention of cautioning others who might become victims of theft by a particular user. I wanted to give them the opportunity to resolve things peacefully and privately, but they've opted against that route ( as evidenced HERE ):

So, this is about the user @ofmultiisms.

My blog was created in June of 2016. Though I've added some muses and removed some since then, I've used the same muses layout / theme ever since. My muses page can be viewed HERE. All icons used on that page belong to me. The information at the top was written out by myself. As was the information underneath each muse.  THIS is what the theme looked like to start with and there are only a few character spots to start with:

As you can see, the format is Last, First, and Age. Also, the starting images are not gray spaces. They're images of Ariana Grande. The word 'muses' isn't used on this page at all. Neither is the word 'fandom'. Also, the information at the top says nothing about muses. You have the option of editing it and adding more character spaces. That's exactly what I did back in 2016. 

As you can see, I put muses at the top of my page. I also put very specific wording. For the sake of keeping this short, I want to draw attention to this part in particular: 'The majority of these muses have had their own individual blogs at one point. Some may have been remade multiple times under different urls.'

Another part I want to draw attention to is 'TOP HALF = LIVE ACTION MUSES BOTTOM HALF = ANIMATED'.

Also, if you go to that page ( HERE ), you'll see that Elizabeth Comstock is the 43rd muse.

Also, I have a very distinct way of writing the information beneath my muses. I use the word 'primarily' quite frequently and I'm very straightforward about my portrayal.  

So, let's talk about where @ofmultiisms comes in. Several months ago, this user followed me. I only checked out the front page and immediately decided I wasn't interested in following back just because our writing styles were incompatible. I didn't find it necessary to proceed to look at other pages. Earlier tonight, I decided to check out the blog again just because the url was suggested to me in my address bar when I was starting to type in something else. This time, I did visit the muses page...and am I glad that I did. It looked...remarkably familiar to say the least. 

Starting from the top, I see some very familiar things.

'TOP HALF = LIVE ACTION MUSES BOTTOM HALF = ANIMATED' in that precise order no less. 'Some have been remade multiple times with different urls'. Sounds quite similar to 'Some may have been remade multiple times under different urls'. Also, the word muses across the top. Also, though the wording was changed deliberately to cover their tracks, the user basically said the same thing I did.

Next piece of evidence: 

What's up with the grey spaces that should have been Ariana Grande? Also, 'First Name, Last Name, Fandom Here'? Not the formatting that comes with the code at all ( Last, First; Age ). Also, 'information here'? Definitely not in the code. The code consists of actual paragraphs underneath the images of Ms. Grande. Also, let's keep in mind that the code doesn't have the word 'fandom' in it at all. Also, what's up with those weird links at the bottom?  

Next piece of evidence:

Guess who muse #43 is on their blog? Elizabeth Comstock. Coincidence? Not when Elizabeth could have been put in one of the many gray spaces above her. Not to mention, that icon looks extremely familiar. It's the exact same one on MY muses page. An icon I made myself. Underneath their Elizabeth, 'primarily focuses on Infinite, but is willing to play pre-infinite or post-infinite'. Beneath my Elizabeth, I have 'primarily focuses on the events of Infinite, but is willing to play according to Burial At Sea as well'. Hmmmmmmm.

Final piece of evidence:

This is from the top of their blog. This is what it looks like on my end. A very odd sight. When I hover over it, my url appears at the bottom left corner of my screen.

Odd, right? A friend of mine visited this page out of curiosity and had this to say: 

yeah, it is blatant copying because my browser.. in the corner it said i was following them, i had a heart attack about it bc i thought i accidentally followed but didn't, checked the inspect element thing for some reason? and my browser is reading your url for the follow button and presumably for the other functions.

With that, I believe I've proven that  @ofmultiisms, who refused to handle this civilly despite me privately asking them to fix this and has no remorse whatsoever, is a thief. I want to urge everyone to please be aware, because I might not be the first or last victim. Theft is a crime. As is plagiarism.  I took these screenshots to prove my case and I strongly advise doing the same if you suspect someone has stolen from you.

Lastly, the theme used for the muses page does not belong to me. It can be found by going HERE, but belongs to arizounas. 

*UPDATE: Please know that they’ve decided to try to outsmart everyone by changing their page now that people are starting to become aware. Also, just because they’re changing it now doesn’t mean they won’t copy me again or someone else in the future. This is a screenshot of a post they made declaring their intention to outsmart people:

[historiesofabody]

‘accountability’, ‘closure’ - messages between D, S. and _, September 2017

On Wed, Sep 20, 2017 at 1:54 PM, D wrote:

S.,

You should know that I'm getting in touch out of necessity rather than choice. My goal in contacting you is to seek accountability and protecting vulnerable people. 

It has taken me six years to fully acknowledge that our 2010-2011 relationship was abusive and in that time I have had to come to terms with your role as an abuser in this relationship. I've no interest in getting into investigations or debates about that, I can safely say I have the PTSD to prove it. If I were to revisit and collate the abuse I experienced, it would cause me more harm than any value it might have for 'proving' my case. I do not require your acknowledgment or confession to heal. 

I'm not accusing of you of physical violence, not that the threat wasn't there, but I do know there were several instances of coercion and manipulation when it came to emotional and physical intimacy. I consider you to have been highly psychologically abusive and controlling, and that your actions constituted a sustained threat to my safety and wellbeing. I am also confident that the rapid deterioration of my mental health, including self harm and suicidal ideation, were a direct result of our interaction. The fact that there were occasions were I was low-level violent towards I now acknowledge as attempts to exit the relationship/challenge your abuse which didn't work. 

I have no interest in pursuing any legal proceedings but I have informally circulated information about our interaction with people who know us both. I'm getting in touch now because having only just got hold of your contact details, I think it's a matter of urgency that you address the reality of your abusive behaviour and it's potential impact on current or future partners. I strongly believe that without intense self-reflection, self-criticism and long term therapy, all necessary for rehabilitation, you may continue to inflict abuse on intimate partners. 

I am not looking for apology or remorse, mostly because I do not think you are able to genuinely offer this to me. I am asking you to take the steps in order to actively prevent another person from experiencing what I did. 

If you choose to respond to this email, I would prefer if you only did so to acknowledge my request and not to engage me in dialogue about it. If you reject or refute my statements about you, then there is no useful or healthy exchange that could come of it and there is no use in us engaging further. 

D.

On 20 Sep 2017, at 17:33, S. wrote: D, Normally I would not respond to such a serious message so hastily, but for reasons that will become apparent I have had some time to think this over.  When you contacted __ earlier in the summer, she shared and discussed the message with her Mum. Then she came to me. No doubt this will disappoint you, as you asked she not tell me, and I can understand that. However I don’t think it is realistic that __ was ever going to take decisive action like breaking off the relationship without hearing my side of the story. I was horrified to hear about it, mainly for my own sake, but also to hear that our relationship was still haunting you all these years later. I knew that this wasn’t all lies and fabrications on your part in an effort to smear me. I believe you are doing this to prevent others from suffering the way you have. I believe your accounts of suffering. Real suffering means real abuse. Whether I had any intention to harm you is a question that has weighed on my mind this summer. Either way, I am sorry for abusing you. Until this summer I simply viewed our relationship as ‘unhealthy’. Needless to say, it didn’t leave me with the same legacy it left you and I had less motivation to reflect. Your message to  ___  proved pretty much instantly that ‘unhealthy’ was inadequate. I've got as far as realising that the power balance in our relationship was all in my favour and I was using my powerful position to have things the way I wanted. I might have claimed at the time that I cared about you and wanted to help you get better, but with a little less self-absorption I would have realised that ending the relationship was the kindest thing I could have done. I continue to reflect on that time.  So what did I say to __? You are free to ask her. I tried not to discredit or contradict what you said, I just told her my side of our relationship, much like in the paragraph above.  If I viewed our 2011 relationship as unhealthy, I have always viewed mine and ___ ’s as wonderfully healthy. We mostly have the same friends, similar interests, we share everything and we share our relationship with others; we always seem to have a third wheel around. Your message made me question that assumption of health. I realised I do dominate our joint decision-making. I can bulldozer her doubts with my confidence. I think it made ___ question everything too. Your message came as a shock to her, as I think she always saw our relationship as something to be proud of. I suspect she is now attuned to any controlling behaviour on my part if there is any. I don’t mean to start a dialogue. My simple message is that I receive your story and I accept it. I caused you more pain than I knew, I acted with shameful selfishness, and the jolt of that discovery is making me hold a mirror to my current relationship. In future I won’t contact you unless invited to. S.

On Wed, Sep 20, 2017 at 21:03 PM, D__ wrote:

S__, I'm going to try and finish what I started. Please do not respond.  To be very clear, I don't care about you, your 'acceptance', your thought process, your life now or what you have to say for yourself, including the redemptive narrative about your healthy relationship now in comparison to ours.  I didn't ask you to apologise and I don't accept your apology, mostly because you have redefined 'abuse' on your terms to mean what I experienced, diminishing that abuse to only my perception rather than a reality, all the while rejecting your responsibility for it. I asked you to seriously reflect on your behaviour and you have excused it as mere power dynamics.  Here's the thing, S__, I don't know you anymore and I don't want to, but I remember you quite clearly. In the last telephone conversation we had at some point after our break-up, you told me I made you into the worst person, and that no one would ever 'get' to me like you could. This interaction has proven that to be true. By mirroring my language, tone and approach, you've stripped my statements of their power. You make every effort to appear non-judgmental and accepting but you are emphasising at every turn that the responsibility lies with me - to alter my perception, to see it from your point of view, to understand that you've changed, to move on. You're still 'gaslighting' me even now, you're just far more advanced at it than you could ever dreamed you would be at 18. This doesn't give you real power over me - I'm way beyond that now - but it does prove you're weak. You never will know the harm you caused because you don't see anything wrong with what you did. You weren't left with the 'legacy' because I didn't manipulate, assault and isolate you. Unfortunately, I see you for exactly what you are because you showed me 6 years ago. I don't have the luxury of forgetting, and I won't ever forget.  You talk about being 'horrified' as if my statements were a surprise to you. As far as I'm aware, you were fully present and of sound mind during every interaction we shared. You pay lip service to my 'suffering' by suggesting that your actions, without your intention, may have been damaging to me. I'm informing you that you actively and violently maintained psychological control over me because you enjoyed the benefits and because it served your narcissism. I'm not painting you as a violent monster because your abuse wasn't visible to anyone outside of our bubble, it happened intimately, subtly and embedded within a culture of 'intensity' 'passion' and secrecy which I believed proved we loved each other in a way that no one else could understand.  I could point to many occasions where you were affectionate, pleasant, seemingly adoring. You also isolated me from my close friends, even forcing me to send my friend away who was visiting me away because you didn't like my behaviour around her. If I'd have known you were abusing me, I would have left you - I did try on a few occasions. Instead I turned on myself and I have the scars to this day. It took me so long to name you as my abuser because I had never been in a long term relationship and I didn't know anything different. You knew that and you took advantage of it.  I said I wouldn't be compiling evidence but as you've seemingly forgotten, I'll remind you. Before I met you, I was sexually inexperienced and you proceeded to subtly coerce me into intimacy with you that I didn't want. You did this by claiming that if I didn't sleep with you, I didn't want you, that I didn't wish to be close to you or that I wasn't normal. You suggested, hilariously in a fucked up way, that I was a lesbian because why else would I not want what I was 'biologically programmed' for. On the night you managed to make our relationship sexual, I'd had a disassociative episode and had told you I didn't feel real. You laid me down on the kitchen floor and tried to undress me. Then you took me upstairs and proceeded to touch me intimately and encourage me to touch you when I was not in a position to give consent. There were other occasions when I asked you to stop and you didn't. As time went on, I consented because you trained me to do so. I could go into more detail but there's no point now. Those interactions constitute sexual assault and I can only hope you don't have other victims.  You might remember that there was violence in our relationship, some of it playful/sexual, some of it not. You slapped me in public on several occasions. You told me you were stronger than me and could hurt me if you wanted to. On two occasions, we were 'playfighting' and you left the room because you believed you couldn't stop yourself from violently hitting me. These aren't examples of you being considerate, this was threatening behaviour. We could talk about how you once jokingly put a knife to my throat, or how the story you told me about breaking your dad's arm stayed with me as a reminder of your strength, but I doubt it would convince you. There were times I fought back, there were times I initiated violence, there was one instance where I threatened you, but as you're so invested in power dynamics, you'll know I never had the upper hand.  You ended the relationship because you had 'burnt out' my supply of love, respect and forgiveness and I had nothing left to offer you. As far as I can remember, you ended the relationship by informing me you didn't love me anymore, then proceeded to contact me over the next month via phone call, online messaging and post, even suggesting you were going to turn up at my house, all without my consent. This was a repeat of a typical tactic, to withdraw your attention and then overwhelm me with it and I was fortunate enough to have realised I was safer away from you to fall for it. You also contacted me by letter months after our breakup to disclose you had slept with someone else early in our relationship and other distressing, irrelevant information. That's not simply unhealthy, that's exercising control, if I have to explain that to you, then that should concern you.  You did not love me, you were not kind to me and you don't actually deserve having your behaviour explained back to you.  Your actions were not selfishness, immaturity, miscommunication or unintentional mistakes. Your actions were the hallmarks of a narcissistic abuser - look it up, it might be educational - and I'm only grateful that I can recognise that and now work every day to heal myself and to support other survivors.  S., being an abuser doesn't make you powerful, it doesn't mean you're strong, it is a pathetic, desperate and parasitic attempt to create an powerful identity for yourself where there is only a void. I've lived with what you did, with what you are, for six years, now you have to live with it. You haven't won, you never will, because you are responsible for pain and suffering, and you will never be redeemed or forgiven by me. Your response only proves your delusion, your arrogance and your cowardice. I have always been stronger than you and I always will be.  A final point I want to emphasise, I am more than heartbroken that ___ came to you, I am humiliated and appalled. I emphasised so much to her that it would compromise my safety and I can only hope that, if she reads this, she knows never to do the same to another survivor. If she could have reached out to me before, I might have spared myself the trauma of hearing you defend your abuse. I hope above everything that she never has her trust broken in such a way. If she feels you are a good person, I have done everything I could to convince her otherwise and whilst her support would have meant everything, I should have known that anyone in your proximity would be under your influence. I wish only the best for her and I hope she gets away from you in her own time.  Be aware that I'll be making this interaction public.

From: _ Date: 21 September 2017 at 02:12:54 BST Subject: Re: Accountability D., Thank you for sharing these emails and for your previous email. I appreciate you having shared your thoughts and experiences. 

- ___

From: D_ Date: 21 September 2017 at 10:16:12 BST To: ___ Subject: Closure

I know that everything I say is shared with S. but I wanted to contact you on an individual basis to make some things clear, and to emphasise that after this I will not be making further attempts at contacting you or responding to contact from you.  There is a tendency in the culture we live in to assume that people who speak out against abusers, especially those who do so years after abuse, are seeking attention, pity, protected status as 'victim'  or of course, petty revenge. I want you to know that I would give almost anything to not even know that S. exists. To not feel ashamed and humiliated by having to beg for accountability from someone who doesn't give a fuck about me and who can manipulate their way out of any real responsibility. I don't want to fear that I'm going to meet your partner round every corner. I don't want to be unable to go to work or have intimate relationships because I am having flashbacks to 2011, where I am in absolute hell, with your partner telling me not to worry because he 'could never love a sane girl.' I don't want to be writing this to you now, but I am, because I know so many others who would give anything for the opportunity to speak directly to or about their abuser, even if it won't change anything.  I don't want to know what S. told you about me, but he probably used my mental health issues to weaken my testimony, he probably claimed ignorance in regards to his actions and their consequences. To my mind, it's enough that for even the briefest moment he was faced with being 'seen' for what he is, even if he's now done everything he can to maintain an ultimate��innocence.

Despite everything he works on portraying to the world, I still know there is, somewhere in S., the full knowledge of what happened between us and it's enough that I was able to remind him that he is not the only person who knows how actively coercive, cruel and remorseless he can be.  I know you probably don't believe your partner is capable of abuse. I didn't either even as he inflicted it on me. But I'm going to abandon this attempt to 'reveal' him to you because it hasn't worked so far.  I understand now that I should never have contacted either you or S. Neither of you has anything to lose in this situation (other than absolute certainty in your relationship, now seemingly recovered) and I am the one who has put myself under scrutiny and risked my safety, been stupid enough (again) to be vulnerable and off-guard with S. and essentially learnt that when he said he would never treat anyone the way he treated me, because only I pushed him to that, he was telling the truth.  As my warnings won't be taken seriously, I might as well say them clearly. Be careful. As far as I'm aware, S. uses people for what they can give him. I assume you're talented, intelligent, passionate and adventurous. Maybe you come from money, maybe you have the privilege to get him to the places he wants to go, which (from my experience) are far away from what he thought of as monotonous everyday life - the Midlands, his parents, responsibilities like employment and civil society. S. always wanted to be on the run, always told me he wanted to get out of his life. I couldn't give him that but he did take everything else from me.  Be concerned about what will happen when you can't give him what he wants. Be aware that he's constantly running from his own reality, which as a narcissistic abuser, is pretty much a void. He needs vitality, ever-changing scenery and ongoing action because his internal life is empty. As long as you can supply him with what he wants, he'll be kind to you. He will also take everything from you if he can, you can know that and love him anyway, I know I did. But keep something of yourself for yourself. Remember everything you had and were before you met him, because he will do everything to make you nothing but his. Have a safety net and a support network that isn't tied up with him or his friends. I can't offer that support now or in the future but I hope you have it if and when you do need it. I won't be contacting you again.