#I still need to set up the ortho appointment but I need to try to get pain meds in the meanwhile because I fucking HATE GOING TO SLEEP

[artdecosupernova-writing]

update: the muscle relaxers have stopped working.

[eggs-love-loki]

Things that are awful for no reason: asking for extensions

[lovelylexipedia]

I would love a jackson avery x reader fic where the reader is pregnant and jackson is running around after her at the hospital to make sure she isn’t putting too much pressure on herself so he takes her to the on-call room for a rest and it’s really fluffy because he talks to her belly? i’m sorry if this was really long! welcome to tumblr!🥰❤️

Rest is For The Weak – Jackson Avery x Fem! Reader

Type: Imagine (2,200+ words)

Requested: Yes! by @elljmaybank

Summary: Expecting her to stay home, Jackson leaves his pregnant wife home alone to go to work. When he catches her at the hospital, he does everything in his power to get her to stop and relax.

Warning(s): Grey's Spoilers, Fluff (lots of it!), Protective Figure, minor Angst

Note(s): Reader is 30 weeks along with Jackson's baby. Thank you for the request! I really hope I did it justice. I kinda rushed it at the end, but I hope it's okay :)

———

I hear the bathroom door close slowly and scrunch up my face. I try to fall back asleep, but the small noises throughout Jackson and my's bedroom keep me from it. After a while, I let out a small yawn and open my eyes, blinking to adjust to the light coming in from the rising sun.

I make an attempt to sit up in bed, but my back protests, sore and achey. I let out a small groan and catch Jackson's face pop out from behind his closet's doorframe.

"Y/n, crap, did I wake you?" Jackson winces, taking quiet steps toward my side of the bed.

"No no no, my back is just killing me, this little stinker won't let me get comfortable. I tried reasoning with him, but he won't give." I groan again, laying on my right side.

Jackson sighs in relief and walks around the bed to my side. He kneels down and kisses me on the cheek, running a hand through my hair.

"Maybe he'll listen to me." He leans down to my tummy, removing the white comforter covering my body and lifting up my oversized pajama shirt. Jackson taps at my tummy and I giggle at the sight. "Hey, buddy," He whispers, "you gotta let your Momma rest... She's already cranky enough."

I laugh and roll my eyes, pushing Jackson's shoulder, and causing him to stumble over. "Okay, maybe no more talk time for you."

Jackson steadies himself with a chuckle and and stands up straight. He brushes off his dark jeans and zips up a grey jacket, fixing up the hood.

"I made breakfast and happened to have some left over. It's just some eggs and toast. I put it in a little container and left it on the island if you want it later." Jackson says as he makes his way to the other side of the bed to grab his keys from the nightstand.

"Thank you, you gonna be okay leaving me here alone?" I ask as Jackson walks over to the bedroom door.

"I don't know, are you gonna be okay alone?" Jackson replies sarcastically. I grin. "Alright, if you need anything, you can call me and I'll try to get here. If you can't reach me, try my mom."

"Okay, okay'" I say quietly, pushing myself up to sit up in bed despite the pain.

Jackson notices and frowns. He walks over again and leans down to kiss me. "Don't do anything too strenuous, okay? Just get your rest."

I scoot back against the headboard and nod, looking him in his bright green eyes. "Okay, I promise."

"I love you, Y/n." Jackson smiles, kissing me one last time before heading out.

I yell back an 'I love you' and wave as he leaves the room. I hear the front door shut a few seconds later and sit in silence. Every few seconds, I shift and scoot around, trying to find a way to ease the aches.

Jeez, bud, parenting better be less painful than this. I complain to myself.

After a few minutes of sitting alone with my thoughts, I swing my legs over the edge of the bed. I set my feet down and push myself up, holding onto my belly with my free hand in the process.

I decide to take a few steps, wobbling here and there. After what feels like hours, I finally make it into the kitchen. The eggs and toast sit inside a clear plastic container and I nearly gag at the smell.

No thanks...

I take it upon myself to make myself breakfast. I throw out the toast and eggs in the trash can and ponder what to eat. I find a nearly finished bag of Corn Flakes and take a bowl, pouring the cereal and eating it like popcorn. After that, I snack on a frozen Pop-Tart and drink a glass of milk.

Settling myself on the living room couch, I flick through TV channels, bored out of my mind. Minutes pass by like hours and I end up falling asleep on the couch.

The nap ends after an hour and a half, when I suddenly feel a few sharp pains in my right side. I rub my stomach and lean my head back, trying to calm myself down.

You're okay, bud. You're okay, Momma's okay. We're okay.

I take deep breaths, trying to keep my composure. I grip the arm of the couch with one hand and force myself to stand. I stumble across the house, still rubbing my side and making small, calming affirmations to myself and the baby.

This is the fourth time this month...

I make it back to the bedroom and force myself to change into some baggier clothing. The pain subsides slightly as I begin putting on my sneakers. I groan, taking my set of keys and phone from the dresser in front of our bed.

I make my way around and out of the house, locking the door behind me. I force my keys into my pocket and dial my OB, Carina DeLuca.

"Y/n! What's going on? Are you okay?" Carina answers quickly, concern laced in her voice.

"I just wanted to come in... as a precaution," I say as I walk into the building's elevator. "I've been, getting these shooting pains for the past month. I just want to check if the baby's okay."

"Do you want me to make you an appointment?" Carina asks.

"No- I don't want Jackson to know, he might find out somehow. Could you just squeeze me in quickly?" I bite my lip, tapping my foot as I wait for the elevator doors to open at the bottom floor.

"Okay... Okay, I can try. Right now is perfect. Just tell the nurses up front it's an emergency and they should let you right in." Carina explains.

"Oh, thank you, Carina. You're the best. I should be there in a few." I gush, trying to rush off the elevator.

"Y/n, are you gonna be driv-" I hang up the phone before Carina can finish and try to rush out to my car.

———

"Carina, is he okay? Is my baby okay?" I ask urgently, looking between her and the ultrasound machine.

Carina continues moving the wand around where the pain would be. "He looks buono e sano, good and healthy, Y/n/n."

I let out a sigh of relief, laying my head back against the headrest. "Oh, thank God... But what could those pains have been?"

Carina purses her lips and removes the wand from my stomach, cleaning off the residue. "Could be stress, could be the hormones, different foods, your muscles could be constricting because they've had to work so hard with supporting the baby."

I shake my head. "Oh, I was so scared. I didn't want to go into early labor. Thank you for squeezing me in, I really appreciate it."

"No problem, amica mia. Now are you sure you don't want to tell Jackson?" She removes her gloves and I can feel her gaze from behind me.

"No, it's okay. I'm probably just gonna head home." I say, scooching off the examination table and grabbing my clothes to change back into.

———

I tug on my baggy shirt and put my phone in my back pocket, looking up to decide which way to go to get to my car.

Before I can even make a decision, Schmitt runs up, panting like a madman.

"Dr. L/n! We need Ortho. We got a trauma in, motorcycle accident, rider's right and left legs broken in 4 places each, right shoulder dislocated and left arm broken in two places."

He looks me up and down and his face grows red. "You're supposed to be on maternity leave, aren't you?"

"Doesn't matter now, Glasses. Let's go!"

Schmitt ushers me towards the trauma bay and adrenlaine rushes through me. The pain immediately evades my body and everything after is a blur.

I pull on a trauma gown over my loose clothes and tie up my hair into a ponytail. The patient is located in Trauma 1 and I rush in, finding Owem, Meredith, and Amelia already assessing the biker.

"Y/n! Shouldn't you be at home? I thought you were on maternity leave?" Amelia cocks her head to the side and I shake my head.

"Just back for the day," I say quickly. I turn to Schmitt, asking for reassurance, "So, what do we have here?"

He begins, "Multiple broken bones, bruising and cuts everywhere, he's practically roadkill."

"Well by the time we're done with him, he'll be just fine. Let's get an OR booked, order an MRI and page Plastics too!"

———

Jackson and I met when I transfered from Seattle Presbyterian a few years back. I was a 5th year and he was a Plastics fellow.

By the time I became an Orthopedics fellow, we had already established ourselves as the power couple of the hospital, despite not being a couple yet.

Wherever he went, I was likely to follow. Our cases were often linked and we spent a lot of our time together outside of the hospital as well.

When he first asked me out, it was during a surgery of ours together. We spent our one year anniversary watching over an ICU patient. He proposed to me in an empty OR after a successful surgery. I told him I was pregnant in the Attendings lounge. Our whole story was based in the hospital.

I wait outside OR 4, eyeing the elevator from the corner of my view. Any second now our motorcycle guy would be wheeled in and I'd get to scrub in.

"Y/n! Y/n!" I hear him yell from the elevator, trying to get my attention.

Oh shit.

Jackson jogs over to me, concern washed over his face. I frown slightly, feeling bad that he's so worried about me.

"Jackson, hi, um, how...how did you find me?"

Jackson ushers me into the scrub room and closes the door behind us.

"Y/n, you can't be working, remember? You're on maternity leave. Go home." Jackson grabs me by my shoulders, looking me up and down.

"Jackson, I am fine! It's just one surgery, it's not that bad-" I pull out from his grasp and cross my arms under my chest.

"'Not that bad'? Y/n, that surgery could take more than a few hours. You could barely get out of bed this morning!" Jackson's motions to the operating room, raising his voice and I sigh.

"Jackson, we will continue this conversation at home. Preferably, after I finish this surgery." I say stubbornly. I turn to leave and Jackson follows me. I spot Owen and Amelia walking toward us and smile. "Hey, where's the patient?"

Amelia sucks in a breath. "We're holding off on surgery. He's very touch-and-go, so we're holding him in the ICU until tomorrow."

The both of them frown at me and I nod sadly. "Oh, okay. Thanks anyway, you guys."

"Y/n. Let's go." Jackson says sternly, looking only at me.

"I hope it all goes well tomorrow."

———

My breathing steadies after I sit on the bottom bunk in an on-call room. Jackson shuts the door behind us and opens the shutter slightly, letting a bit of the setting sun seep into the room.

I keep my head down, eyes closed. Afraid he'll be angry at me.

We're silent for a few seconds, trying to figure out what to say to each other. He starts first.

"Y/n, you know that I love you, right?" Jackson kneels down in front of me, I can feel his gaze resting on me.

"Yeah," I mumble, slowly lifting my head so we can meet each other's eyes.

"And you know that I'm taking your maternity leave so seriously because I want what's best for you and the baby, right?"

I groan and nod, covering my face with my hands. "Yes."

"Is it wrong? To want you both to be stress-free and healthy? Look at me when you answer, please."

Jackson takes my hands off my face and holds them, kissing the the backs of them before I respond. "No, it's not."

"Carina paged me, she said you came in. That you were worried about the baby. She told me he's okay. That you're okay." I can see tears forming in Jackson's eyes. He bows his head down and still clutches my hands tightly.

"Please, just promise me you'll take these last 4 weeks off. Completely. No work, no stress. Just bed rest and someone waiting on you." Jackson pleads softly, searching my face for an answer.

I lean in and kiss him softly. I take my hands out of his and wipe his tears from his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I just miss being at the hospital, on my feet, ready to go wherever I need to be. This little guy just sucks the energy right out of me." I chuckle, holding Jackson close to me.

He kisses the top of my head and rests his cheek there for a few seconds. "Can I talk to him really quickly?" Jackson asks quietly, I'm barely able to hear him.

I let out a small laugh, remembering this morning. "Go ahead, but no Momma slander."

Jackson grins at me and we sit beside each other on the bottom bunk. He lifts my fresh navy scrubs up to the top of my belly and I hold them there for him. He taps again, lightly and clears his throat.

"Hi, bud. You doin' okay in there...?"

We stay there, taking turns talking to the little guy, excited for the day where we get to call ourselves parents.

[astringofmadhousefloozies]

Surprises

Surprises of all kinds, found after a shopping trip goes wrong. Content warning for coarse language, sexuality, threats of violence, mentions of suicide and incest, and copious amounts of headcanons.

As always, there is more in my Twisted Wonderland Fanfiction tag, and send me a message if you liked it, I crave positive feedback.

~*~*~*~

TXT: where the fuck are you guys it's already quarter past

After a few minutes, you got a ding.

M: idia doenst want t leave something about a person see you aftr he needs freind

Oh goddammit, it's so fucking hard to get him out and about. At least Mal was with him.

You looked to Grim at your feet. "Looks like it's just us, buddy."

~*~*~*~

It was just you and Grim browsing through the dollar store, when a boy in a ratty shop apron came up to you. "Ma'am?"

You turned to him, and he coughed. "Uh, Miss. You're not supposed to have pets in the store."

Grim bristled at him. "I'm not a pet!"

Poor kid, he looked so startled. And you decided to make it worse, because yanno, why not. "How dare you refer to my son as a pet! Does he look like a pet to you?"

He looked between your face and Grim's, confusion growing. "Wh-"

"I know the resemblance isn't the strongest, but honestly! How could you say such mean things about him!"

Grim, bless him, actually caught on and decided to play along for the chaos of it. "Why are you being so mean to me? My mom works hard to keep me happy! She said I could pick out a toy today!"

The confusion had turned to anger. "That's not your kid! You're too young and he's an animal!"

Grim looked up at you, mock tears in his eyes. "I'm your kid, right? I'm not adopted like the boys at school say?" He started sniffling. "I'm not adopted, right?"

You clapped your hands over Grim's ears and glared at the now horrified shopboy. "Look what you've done! I hadn't told him yet!"

He just fled in horror, and it was all you could do to keep from laughing.

~*~*~*~

The village on the island wasn't the worst appointed. Being equidistant between two prestigious magic schools, it had a few places worth going, and after hitting up your personal favourite, you went to a small park, settled down on a bench, and started unwrapping your prizes.

You have a love for gashapon machines that bordered on a serious problem. In your biweekly trips to buy snacks and supplies to stock up your miserable, beautiful dorm, you easily fed 3000 madol (which you think was about thirty-five dollars or so at home, but couldn't be sure) into the long rows of machines in the drug store, coming out with tiny keychains, figures, and various useless but wonderful little totchkes that you kept lined up in rows in your bedroom. The joys of tiny presents! And the containers were useful too; for a creature who heavily insisted he wasn't a cat, Grim lost his shit like one every time your rolled a ball with a bell inside across the floor.

You were marveling over a tiny, perfectly realistic jellyfish on a phone strap as someone sat down heavily beside you. "Is that," they pointed to Grim poking his way around the cattails by an ornamental pond, "yours?"

"... Yes?" You turned to examine your seatmate. Charmingly strange looking, they sat impeccably robed in forest green velvet and squinted at you from behind perfectly round sunglasses. Flat-faced and thin-lipped, they reminded you of a toad, with their roundness and severe expression.

"Ah, then you are the one I am looking for. You're the pet of the prince."

"I'm a friend of his. Is that a problem?" You decided to keep opening your prizes, and pulled out a heavy ball from the bottom of your bag.

"His Highness does not have human friends."

"And yet, I am." This one, unwrapped, was the chase in the set: a tiny cauldron the size of a thimble that seemed to be actual cast iron. The chill of it was pleasant in your hand, and instead of returning it to your bag, you left it in your lap.

This presumptive stranger leaned in. "You're a diversion. A distraction from what he should be learning. Instead he plays with mortals and lets them forget their place."

"If it was so important that he didn't play with mortals, then why was he allowed to attend here?" You got a cheap set of rings on a goldtone chain in this one. Boo. You'd wanted the miniature necklace of the set for your doll. "He's very happy with the company of us all."

"Too happy. He forgets his place." The toady eyed the glittering paste gems before looking away. "Above you. Instead he crawls into your lap and serves you like a dog."

You froze. "Now, where did you get that idea?"

"We have sources." They leaned in further, smiling. A barely perceptible line of triangular teeth, sparsely placed and translucent in tone. "Foul things happen to the unwanted lovers of heirs, don't you know?"

"I am a wanted friend." 

"You're a parasite who should flee."

You realized something, and turned to face your strange benchmate. "Why are you threatened by me?"

They scoffed. "Why would we be threatened by you?"

"If you weren't," you said, dropping your voice as your leaned in, "then you wouldn't be here trying to put the fear into me." They leaned back, glasses slipping off their nose. The eyes in their face were exquisite, shining gold and black speckles with a ring of gold around an oval pupil. You could help but laugh. "Pretty eyes. You really are a toad. Who sent you? The Thorn Witch? Can't be, I'm not worth her time and if I was, she'd've sent a fucking letter."

"We're a concerned party, preventing our future king from making the mistake of dealing with filth." 

Well, that one pissed you off. You grabbed their wrist, feeling bumps and warts on their skin through the fabric, and pressed the tiny cauldron to the back on their hand as they started screeching.

"You," you looked them dead in their impossibly lovely eyes, "You go back where you came from, tell them I'm not a threat to whatever stupid bullshit they're worried about, and never bother us again. Or I will make you swallow this and you'll beg the precious prince you're so damned worried about to burn you alive to stop the pain."

You'd never seen anyone run so fast in your life when you let them go.

"Hey, Grim! We gotta go."

~*~*~*~

TXT: MAL SOMEONE SENT ME A TOADY SAYING I CAN'T BE AROUND YOU ANYMORE

TXT: MIGHTA BEEN YOUR GMA BUT I DON'T THINK SO

~*~*~*~

"I'm gonna kill that fucker."

"Killing them might start an international incident. If one hasn't happened already. You burnt them with iron, Yuu."

"I should have done worse! Whoever the fuck they were, that's two friends they've tried to threaten to stay away from you! That we know of!"

It turns out that the mystery toady had been the person to scare the piss out of Idia the night before. Not that they'd gotten far into their leave-the-prince-alone spiel, Idia had simply kicked them square in the stomach and fled, assuming another kidnapping attempt.

"It wouldn't have been my grandmother. In the last letter I got from her, she said it was very nice that I was making friends. She said to keep making them, even."

"She'd probably care if she knew you were sleeping with said friends." Idia was curled into the corner of his bed, and from the looks of it hadn't slept since his own encounter.

"No she wouldn't."

"You sure about that?"

You'd said that that was only going to happen once. Everyone agreed. But when all three of you settled in to play a game or watch a movie, hands moved and bodies flushed and you all seemed to find yourself tangled and gasping. And it didn't seem to require all three of you - you no longer had the strength to say no to Mal's obvious advances, and you'd walked in on your boys more than once. At least you were still friends? Really, really close friends?

"She wouldn't."

"Could they be worried about heirs?" That seemed logical. Even if no accidents were happening, they might not know that.

"That's not possible."

You raised an eyebrow. Everything worked right, and you all knew it.

Mal looked back at you. "Yuu, I hatched from an egg. I could have you both five times a day for a decade and all there would be to show for it is you couldn't walk. I cannot have children with either of you without magical intervention."

Idia made a truly impressive death rattle before mumbling something about the end of his bloodline, and you just nodded. "Makes sense."

"It's quite interesting, really, it requires numerous spells and potions, that if not kept up on, the babe will-" Malleus placed his hands together, back to back, and mimed the motion of tearing something open.

You flinched. "That's awful, goddamn."

"I have a direct ancestor who took a great deal of human women as breeding stock and simply let them be eaten from the inside out. That's what started one of the earlier human/faerie wars." 

"... Wow."

"I am not proud of her."

"Can we please talk about anything else?" Idia looked ready to be sick. "I don't want to think about any of this."

"Sure, let's grab one of your doujins."

~*~*~*~

"So you're already engaged?"

"As soon as it was clear I would survive to adulthood, yes. Idia, what is this series?"

"Nyan Neko Sugar Girls. It's not that great storywise, but it has great gags." He reached over and grabbed the next one in his pile. "It's not that unusual. My mother wanted Ortho to marry my cousin Alecto when they grew up, before..."

"Before he made a lifestyle change?" That seemed the politest way to put it.

"Before she went to the criminal ward."

You shut your book with a soft thump. "What?"

"I remember the trial." Mal sighed. "Strychnine in the sugar bowl at Sunday dinner. I made sure to get the newspapers sent to the palace."

"Mother was heartbroken over it, until she realized that the wealth of that entire Shroud branch defaulted back to us." Idia shrugged. "It's sad. She was just eleven. I still send her emails."

"Idia."

"Mm?"

"Why the fuck would an eleven year old poison someone?"

"My uncle said she couldn't get a puppy until her grades went up."

"What the fuck." You'd lie down if you weren't already doing so.

"It's the curse." He sighed. "We thought she might've been from an affair? But that proved it."

"My dearest Shroud, you can't guarantee it was from the curse." Malleus turned a page. "It might have been trauma from her mother's death."

You could see more bad history incoming. "Oh no."

"Alecto was from Uncle Jo's first marriage, to my dad's cousin Alita. She had a sister, but when her mother drowned herself, she only took-"

"Is this normal for your family? Or is that just some exceptional bad luck?"

He leaned in, lamplight eyes flashing. "Out of all the Shrouds of my generation that are still capable of inheriting, I'm the most mentally sound."

Both you and Mal had to stop and really consider the implications of that.

"So, Mal. Yours isn't that closely related?"

"Fifth cousins at most when they're finally born."

You sat up. "What?"

"I'm supposed to marry the third grandchild of the Hollyoak Baron. They're a well-respected family, and of snake fae descent so little aid will be needed for conception. His eldest child is in..." He had to think about what words to use. " I believe the term is 'middle school'?"

"They really planned it that far ahead?"

Mal shrugged, the movement rolling down his whole body. "I cannot complain. It gives me a very long time to learn how to be a husband before I have to be one."

"But what if you don't like them?"

"Marriage is chiefly a contract to produce heirs. I'll learn to like them, and ideally love them."

"And if you don't?"

"I'll still treat them as kindly as I can."

"And I suppose you'd take a lover."

"Maybe. They can too, as long as all the children are mine. For legal reasons," he added.

Idia, snapping out of his thoughts, tapped Mal's shoulder. "Does the Hollyoak Baron have any friends who are toad faeries?"

It was Mal's turn to sit up. "That... He could be worried that if I have favourites at school, I'll resent my betrothed for not being either of you. Or that I would attempt to break it off entirely."

"That still doesn't tell us how he found out about..." You gestured around the room.

Idia rolled his eyes. "All that would have to happen is any one student from the Valley of Thorns writing a letter home."

"But -"

"Malleus, you're not shy in your affections. At all."

"Yes I am," he bristled.

~*~*~*~

"Mal?"

"Mmph?"

"You have to put me down. I have class."

He made a slightly different mmph and shook his head.

You tried to pat his head, but your arms were securely pinned to your sides. "I know they're fantastic, but you have to stop."

He still refused to remove his face from your chest, making a noise that could have been purring if it cane from anyone who was a proper mammal.

"Mal, we're blocking traffic."

He still wasn't putting you down, instead swaying slightly in place.

A familiar long-fingered hand with dark nails reached from behind you and tugged at Mal's lapel. "Malleus, please stop, it's ten AM and everyone is staring."

Mal finally put you down - only to switch targets, wrapping his arms around Idia's waist and pulling him flush, fixing him with such a look of besotted fondness that you immediately felt like you were intruding.

"You look beautiful today."

Idia immediately burst into a ball of pink flame.

~*~*~*~

"... Perhaps I am a bit obvious."

Idia stared up at his ceiling. "You'd be at home in my otome games."

You chimed in. "What would be obvious, in your mind?"

"Very easy. I finish the paperwork declaring you Lord and Lady of the Bedchamber and have you officially ensconced as Court of Thorns royalty, ensuring you're both taken care of for the rest of your days."

"... Finish?"

"It seemed the easiest thing to do if either of you chose to visit my homeland."

You swatted his leg. "And you didn't think to ask us first?"

Mal was starting to clue in that he had once again overreached himself. "... Surprise?"

"I'm okay with it."

You glared over at Idia. "That's not the point."

"Look, if I ever get disinherited, I have a place to go. He won't make me go outside if I don't want to. I'll bring Ortho. It'll be great."

"They don't even have dial-up over there, Idia. Lilia told me he had to get all this stuff installed to play his MMOs."

Idia pointed at Mal, easy smile turned to outrage. "How dare you try and trap me!"

It honestly seemed like Mal and Idia had switched expressions, the look of worry on his face so strange. "It's a protective measure! If you're titled, people will get in trouble if they try and remove you!"

"That's still... wait." The gears were turning in your head. "If you finish that paperwork, whoever sent Mixter Toad is going to get in so much more trouble."

Everyone went silent as they considered this.

"... As soon as I get the official permission from my grandmother. She won't like it very much, but if I explain..."

Idia turned to Mal. "You were going to make your human fucktoys official members of the Court of Thorns without telling your grandmother, the queen. Who has a notable and often justified dislike of humans."

"No?"

"Mal."

"I simply prepared ahead."

"Mal."

"I - "

"Malleus." You leaned over and kissed his cheek. "You're so goddamned stupid. Love you."

He didn't say it back with words, but you got the message loud and clear.

[mercurialmilk]

quick little life update under the cut 

putting this here because it might wiil get long. also bullet point because I find it easier to read. tw for: surgery, blood

got my breast reduction surgery done at the end of Febuary!! 

it went well, but I learned I DO NOT handle anaesthesia well. It took me a solid 2 days before I could function again 

You’re supposed to take a shower on day 3 so it was the first time I got to actually see what was going on and it was.... terrifying. They really dont warn you. Like, I’ve seen before and after photos but when it’s your own body its very scary. 

things were going well, I thought, until about a week later. 

I had this weird pain in my leg. Like when you pull a muscle? If it was any other time in my life I would have ignored it but since I hadnt exercised for a week it was weird. And because my anxiety revolves around my health, I researched everything that could go wrong with my surgery a few weeks prior.... and one of them was a deep vein thrombosis (DVT). 

it’s extremely rare in someone my age and with such a short surgery that is on my upper body. It’s more common with ortho surgeries and older people 

I also had NONE of the other symptoms. You’re supposed to have a swollen, red, warm leg bigger than the other leg.

I had an appointment with my endocrinologist a week after the surgery (I forgot to move the appointment) and while I was there to see her I told her I had a lot of anxiety about the leg and she said ‘lets take a look’ and said that it showed none of the signs BUT because she knows Im super anxious, so she’ll order an ultrasound because it’s a non invasive test and it will ease my mind (big thank you to her for that!!) 

because guess what? I DID have a DVT in my calf. Got a call the next day from her telling me to get to an ER right away, which is... terrifying. 

They put me on blood thinners for 3 months (so far) and it led to.... 

the WORST menstrual period of my life. 

they’ve never been particularly heavy (with 2 notable exceptions) so this was new to me. It took 10 days and I lost about 6-8 cups of blood if my cup thingy is accurate. It was just shy of needing blood transfusions. 

I am now signed up for IV iron supplementation, which I’ll need to go to the hospital for (I’m scheduled for April) and in the meantime I’m taking lots of iron supplements to try and help. 

All of this happened right around when Covid19 started to become a big issue where I live so it’s been a wild ride to be worried about something COMPLETELY different while still stressing about the virus as well. 

It’s now been almost a full month since the surgery and my incisions are starting to heal over and scar and i’m so excited!!! Everything looks amazing and I’m in way less pain already. Despite everything that happened, I’m still REALLY happy I got the surgery!! 

I’m currently still on medical leave and will be for another few weeks and due to the quarantine I’ve been creating lots of art and catching up on projects I’ve been meaning to do for ages!! 

some stuff I’ve done: 

finally bleached/dyed a bunch of denim jackets I got on deep clearance that now look amazing!!! 

learned how to bake really really good artisanal bread (I highly recommend a book called Flour, Water, Salt, Yeast if you want to try as well)

finished and started a ton of knitting projects. Currently on the needles: a bright yellow beanie hat and a blanket 

tons of sewing projects including mending a bunch of clothing, making myself new PJ pants, and a bunch of knitting project bags! 

speaking of that, I’ve started and launched my OWN shop!! It’s mercurialmilk.com and it took FOREVER to set up (the project bags are listed). Of course, it’s much harder to get to a mailbox and people are less inclined to spend money on non-essentials right now, which is completely fair, but I’m still proud of myself for setting it all up because it took forever! 

cleaned out and polished my typewriters and replaced a bunch of ribbons so they’re all in great condition now

watched SO. MANY. SHOWS. and movies. the best so far: schitt’s creek, Troop Zero, Feel Good, The Morning Show, Sex Education and Birds of Prey were all great! 

If you stuck around for all that, THANKS! and I’ll try to update more often than once a month lol. 

Really hope you’re all doing OK and keeping healthy. Personally I’m a huge introvert so the quarantine is my daily life but it’s still a hugely stressful time and I really really hope this gets under control soon!! 

[missnoodliness]

I took Cooper to his Ortho appointment with my mother since he's the family dog. I knew he had a torn cranial cruciate ligament (ACL in humans) and we had already started him on NSAIDs and pain meds to keep him comfortable. He also has degenerative changes to the opposite leg and I'm worried that CrCL might go too. Surgery is booked already and since I understand the process, I'm comfortable with it. My mother is.... a worrier. I love her, but she's the client who cries when you call to tell them the dog is out of surgery and doing fine.

I've spent a whole week on the emergency and critical care service now! I am very tired.

Even if you don't work long hours, ICU shifts leave you tired

I like working mornings, except Sundays because shit hits the fan apparently without fail every single Sunday

PLEASE PUT ALL MEDICATIONS, FOOD, ITEMS YOUR DOG SHOULD NOT HAVE IN A SECURE PLACE. I cannot even explain how many dogs I saw in a week who either ate chocolate, ate marijuana, or ate human/vet medications that were within reach. It's literally so easy to avoid, could save your pet's life, and will save you money.

Please choose toys that are large for your pet, ones you are absolutely certain they cannot swallow. Also, just please pick up your socks... I'm really over having to go to surgery to remove socks.

Please do not leave your dog or cat outside unattended. They do not know to leave a raccoon alone, not eat rocks/sticks, or injure themselves. They really don't.

If your pet is having trouble breathing, please don't wait to bring them in. When your pet turns blue, they are already oxygenating at 66% or less. That's how long it takes to see those signs. Don't wait.

I am using my fear free training to the best of my ability in this fast paced environment which is not always easy.

Please don't yell at students about the prices. Listen, this institution has ALL of my money too. I will never be able to change price for you. Yelling at me will get you nowhere except now you get to deal with an angry clinician.

I am not an oracle who can determine the source of vomiting/diarrhea/lethargy with just a physical exam. It might even be a multifactorial problem for all I know.

Any patient who presents for seizures should be immediately brought to the ICU for catheter placement. If they're gonna have another seizure, you want to be able to get meds in fast. A grand mal seizure is kind of a terrifyingly difficult time to hit a vein.

Please don't get angry if I ask to muzzle your dog. I don't think they're mean dogs. I respect when they are communicating to me and I will always go slow with any dog. I don't just muzzle every dog. A lifted lip, tense mouth, barking, growling, tense posture are all things your dog is trying to say: lady, I'm vulnerable and I don't trust you to not hurt me, so back off. They don't know what I'm doing is going to help. They are scared or in pain and it's the best way for me to not get injured while still getting them the help they need.

I saw my first coding patient who went into cardiac arrest. It was very surreal as I got an ambubag. We got her back, but she coded again and was DNR at that point...

If possible, please set away money for your pet in case of emergency. You don't expect your pet to get sick. If you can't set aside money right now, make a plan for what you would do if the situation arose.

If you have 2 minutes, go shove some food in your mouth and hit the bathroom. It might be your only chance that day.

Neonates are the hardest patients. They turn for better or worse so quickly, it seems. I was saddled with 7 critically ill 3d old puppies and it was terrifying.

So far, this rotation has been pretty nerve-wracking for me since I like schedules and whatnot. The occasional emergency is alright by me, but this just being my life is more stress than I need right now.

[ashlynncoy-blog]

Misfire: Recovering Part IX

Here’s a rather long chapter, but a lot of stuff happens, so I’m not trying to cut it any more. :p

 When Han woke the next morning, tangled in Leia’s blankets and with her hands clasped delicately around his forearm, he nearly couldn’t contain himself.

There had been nights during the Zsinj campaign when he’d ached to feel the weight of her on the mattress beside him, and the softness of her breath against his skin. And there had been nights on the Jakku campaign when he’d been kept up wracked with sobs at the thought of never feeling those things again.

He wanted to lay there beside her forever.

But he had a full morning scheduled; beginning with medical appointments that would hopefully make progress toward his being cleared for duty.

With a groan soft enough he was sure it wouldn’t disturb Leia’s sleep, Han wriggled himself out of the bed.

He made it as far as the ‘fresher. He was halfway through brushing his teeth when he decided punctuality needn’t be his priority. He quietly slipped back into the bed, burying his face in Leia’s starblossom-scented hair. She scooted closer to him in her sleep and he couldn’t help himself but to bend his face to kiss her gently on her temple.

“Hold that thought,” Leia whispered, stretching a little as she slipped away from him and out of bed. Han heard the water running and cracked open his eyes again in time to watch Leia returning from the fresher. She’d apparently brushed her teeth and her hair—she looked like a fantasy. Coming back to bed had been a good decision.

“I thought you said you had an early morning,” Leia said as she sidled up against him. She pressed her whole body into his, smiling as she moved to rest her cheek on his shoulder.

“I’m gonna be late,” he said. “My first appointment’s with the vascular therapist,” he added. “I don’t think she’ll mind… considering.”

“Considering?”

“Considering how well things seemed to be working last night.”

Leia’s cheeks flushed pink as she buried her face in Han’s chest.

“What can I say, sweetheart,” he said, “you get my blood flowing.”

Leia giggled a little. She tilted her face up and propped her chin on his chest so she could look at him.

“Good,” she said back, still unable to hide her grin.

“You know,” he said, wiggling himself farther down the bed so his lips just brushed the top of her ear, “I could just skip it—stay here all morning—”

“Don’t even think about it, hotshot,” Leia replied, abruptly sitting up straight, leaving Han’s head alone on the pillow. “We’re trying to get you back in flying trim, remember? And besides,” she added, tossing the covers aside and moving to get up again, “my day is slammed. I let it slip that I’m going to be out of the office for a couple of days, and now approximately everyone on Coruscant wants a meeting before that happens.”

“You gonna be on time tonight?” Han asked then, sitting up himself and trying to force his brain awake.

Leia smiled back at him and nodded.

“Yes,” she said, “I promise.”

Han frowned back at her, but decided to leave it. Leia’s mother would be arriving this evening in advance of her CEM replacement surgery tomorrow, and Leia had done everything she could until now to avoid talking about it. As long as she wasn’t planning to skive off their dinner plans at the Chancellery tonight, Han figured it was best not to push the subject.

By sharing his quick shower with Leia and grabbing a pastry on his way out the door, Han managed to get to his first appointment less than ten minutes behind schedule. As he’d guessed, his therapist was pleased to hear the news, but he was surprised at how awkward it felt to tell her.

He’d told her about the time before—on the way home from Corregnor—just by saying he’d “caught up with an ex” and that all systems seemed to be in working order. He decided the best tactic would be to remain similarly obtuse. But still he had a hard time answering the very personal pertinent medical questions without feeling like he was bragging a little.

And that just felt… icky.

Leia wasn’t some conquest to be bragged about—never had been. Even in the beginning, when they would occasionally hook up just to relieve some of the unbelievable pressure of fighting a revolution, he’d had more respect for their relationship than to pop off about it to other people.

But still, recovering his sex life was a legitimate part of healing. Vascular, neuro, ortho, internal, and psych all wanted to hear about it. Han spent the day recounting his unmitigated successes in the bedroom while doing his best to avoid mentioning Leia by name or any of her particular intimate proclivities.

By the time he met Leia at her office in the evening, Han was positively aching to get her alone again. As it turns out, spending the day talking about what had gone on in their bedroom—even in the most clinical of terms—had meant he’d spent the day thinking about what had gone on in their bedroom. That had been enough to make keep him more than a little bit uncomfortable for a sizeable portion of the day.

It was good news on the recovery front, but ultimately a frustrating state of being when the plan for the night included dinner with the royal parents.

“How’d it go today?” Leia asked as she slid onto the speeder’s bench seat beside him.

Han shook his head and let himself have a laugh at his own expense.

“I’ll tell ya later,” he said, “when we’re alone.”

“That good, huh?”

“Listen, sweetheart,” he replied, quirking his lip at her as he pulled the speeder into the traffic lane, “I spent the day telling one specialist after another that all my pieces are in working order and all I could think of the whole time I was getting these questions is how much I hope this how it’s gonna be from now on.”

“I hope so, too,” she said back, sliding closer to him and placing her hand on his knee.

“Just not while we’re at dinner with your parents,” he said back.

Leia shrugged.

“I’m sure they’d give us a few minutes alone if we asked.”

Han shook his head. She was probably right, although the degree of embarrassment he felt just considering making such a request was enough to calm down his urges for the time being.

Dinner with the Organas was as good as it always was. Breha had magnificent culinary expertise and she’d curated the menu to suit the tastes of all in attendance.  The table was piled from one end to the other with Her Majesty’s favorites, all arranged around the largest hot pickled nerf roast Han had ever seen.

Leia hadn’t eaten so voraciously since Ord Mantell.

If it hadn’t been for Bail and Leia insisting that Han and Breha stop trading morbid jokes and kidding about this being anyone’s last meal, it might have been the perfect family dinner. Han appreciated the Queen’s ability to make jokes, but it was clear her husband and daughter were too nervous to laugh. Instead they made time talking about the state of the New Republic and the engagement reception they were all looking forward to.

The dessert dishes had just been cleared when Breha rose from the table.

“If you will excuse us,” she said, inclining her head toward Leia, “I need to have a word alone with my successor.”

Leia started in her seat.

Han reached over and squeezed her elbow.

Leia had made it perfectly clear she was nervous about her mother’s surgery, and Han wasn’t sure the others could tell just how affected she was by being referred to as Breha’s successor. It wasn’t as thought Leia had any reservations about someday ascending the throne of Alderaan, but in the face of her mother’s illness, she hadn’t dealt well with her place in the line of succession.

Leia swallowed hard as she rose from her seat and followed her mother into the small anteroom adjacent to the dining salon.

Bail was frowning. He crossed his arms over his chest before pushing his chair back from the table.

“Drink?” he offered Han as he stood up and headed to the bar in the far corner of the room.

“Sure, yeah,” Han replied. He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Bail so agitated before. “Everything all right in there?” he asked, inclining his head toward the closed and locked door the women had disappeared behind.

Bail frowned as he turned to pour their drinks.

“It’s a Constitutional mandate,” Bail explained over his shoulder. “The Queen is going to be incapacitated. She has to name a Regent—someone to mind the throne until she’s once again able to rule. As Viceroy, this would usually fall to me. But Leia’s an adult now.” Bail turned then and crossed back to the table, setting Han’s glass down as he took a sip of his own. “She’s the acknowledged heir, and Breha made the point that, were anything to go wrong, naming Leia as Regent would make for a seamless succession.” Bail’s voice wavered with those final words. He quickly drained the remaining contents of his glass and stood up again.

“You know everything’s gonna be all right tomorrow? Right?” Han asked to Bail’s turned back. “This is all routine stuff for these people. That’s the reason she’s doing this here instead of back on Alderaan,” he reminded the Viceroy.

“I do.” Bail turned to look at Han again. This time bringing the bottle along, he crossed to his seat. He was shaking his head as he pulled out the stopper. “And I also know we caught this early,” he said, “before there’s been any permanent damage. I know she had almost this exact same procedure once before—right after the accident; she made it through that one without any complications—and she’s in a lot better condition to tolerate it now than she was then. And, like you said, these surgeons do this every day. I know as well that you’re sitting there across from me with the same unit in your chest she’s having put into hers and that the prognosis for both of you is lifetime of health and happiness.” Bail shrugged again and poured himself another generous drink. “But none of that makes me any more comfortable with the part where they’re going to knock her out and cut her open.”

Han took a sip of whiskey and nodded.

“Yeah,” he said, “I know what you’re feeling.”

“Do you?” Bail asked, sliding the bottle Han’s way so he could refill his own glass.

“I’m the guy who brought Leia back from Skorii-Lei,” he replied, taking a swig of the whiskey. “Remember?”

“Yeah, I do.” Bail nodded as he sipped his whisky.

“I spent the whole flight to Yavin starin’ at the medpac readout mostly beggin’ her not to die before I got her home. And I was standing right beside her on Endor when she got shot,” he added. “There’s no amount of bein’ sure in your head everything’s gonna be okay that’ll get your gut to quiet down when it’s somethin’ this scary.”

“I guess you do have some idea, don’t you?.” He took another sip of whisky and sighed. “Just you wait, though,” he said, “one of these days you’ll wake up and you’ll realize she’s your whole world.”

“Already happened,” Han assured him.

Bail shook his head.

“Thirty years on,” he said, “and it hasn’t gotten any easier. Seeing her get sick like this… I always knew it might happen someday, but I wasn’t ready for it.”

“I can’t imagine anybody ever is.”

“You may be right about that,” Bail said. I hope for both your sake you never have to hear your wife talk about succession like I’ve had to this week.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Han replied raising his glass.

Bail nodded and did the same.

[bluegrassbubblessoapandsund-blog]

Just When You Think You Got It All Figured Out....

Boom!  SMASH!  Well crap...  THAT didn’t go as planned.

Let me explain...  Last June, I did my very first outdoor show.  I have a wonderful friend of mine that has been doing shows for a while and invited me to go with her to a show she’s done for a while now.  She said she’d show me the ropes and show me how she does a show.  It was a ten day event, so spending the night was gonna be a must.  She explained that she and her husband just sleep in the cement floor in their booth.  With my back, that was not gonna happen...  So we decided to take our camper.

Now, it’s not that I’m against “roughing it”.  My back is though.  It all started when I was 17.  I worked in the floral department of a grocery store and I lifted a box wrong and hurt myself.  It just went downhill from that very first Workman’s Comp claim.

Through the years, having kids, gaining weight, etc. the pain steadily increased.  I ended up with a totally absorbed disc in the lower lumbar.  It was gone.  Zilch.  Nothin’ there!  It was a bone on top of another bone, pushing into my spinal nerves causing all kinds of fun things, like irreversible nerve damage.  I ended up with a fusion and a “cage” in my back.  Over the next few years, the pain wasn’t really helped a lot by the surgery (READ: all kinds of fun things).  I started to see pain management and ended up getting a spinal cord stimulator that interrupts the pain receptors to my brain.

Back to the show in June.  My husband and I ended up replacing the bed that was in our camper with one of those cheap-o memory foam numbers from wally world, because we’re not rich folk, by any means.  But good ol’ David thought the situation would be better helped by also including an egg crate mattress topper.  In his attempts to make me ever so comfortable, “Hey Babe!  Come try this!” I laid down for ten seconds and said, “yep, that’ll do!” got up and walked out.  This was probably a bad idea.  I should have slept on it at least once before trekking off for ten days with it.  But alas....

The first couple nights I was too tired to care.  Setting up, learning, taking all kinds of notes both mental and written, sitting in a corner just being quiet.  Watching.  Learning how she interacted with people.  OK, I can do this.  I worked myself into being a good “sell yourself” salesperson.  Afterall, they have to like ME to want to buy what I make, right?

But the third night.  Oh.  My.  Gosh.  I woke up a thousand times, easily.  Tossing and turning.  The pain was never ending.  I thought it was because there was a storm coming in.  I can usually “feel” weather changing before it happens anywhere from a week to two days before it’s going to change.  It just depends on how big of a barometric change the storm is bringing with it, and this was doozie coming, if my back was right.  Thus, I tossed and turned.....

One of the vendors next to us had a young child selling a rabbit too, about the second day of the show, if I remember correctly.  It had all the nice things it needed; a cage, water, food, hay...  this thing was a happy bunny.  It brought in all kinds of kids who wanted to hold and pet it.  Cute, really.  Um....  I’m allergic to rabbits..... and hay🙄.  This thing was right next to our giveaway table, bath bombs.  Literally right next door.  I ended up having to go to the camper and sleeping off the allergy attack and Benedryl I had to take.  Maybe that’s why I was sleeping so bad that night.  I dunno...

I get up the next day, don’t want to talk to anyone, just want my coffee.  End. Of. Story.  I get my coffee and can hardly move.  I spend the rest of the day literally getting up and down and up and down from sitting in our booth, to pacing back and forth.  I’m sure I looked like a caged lion.  It just got worse from there.  Yes, I complained, because, damnit it hurt!😥

There was a whole fiasco with the lady next door and her kid and their rabbitts...  yes, they brought more😮.... a TON more😡.  Especially after we kindly asked if we could just give them the money🤑 for the rabbit and not bring it back.  But, I digress...

Then at the end of July I thought there had to be something wrong with my back, because no amount of resting it was helping.  I talk to pain management.  They monitor my pain right?  They do some cursory tests and tell me to go to the PCP to order a CT Scan.  Because, she’s had instances where people can herniate a disc, just rolling over in bed.  Huh?  That’s a thing?  OK...  so I do as she says the test is ordered with contrast, ‘cause they wanna make me ‘glow’ to see my nerves.  I then have the test.

Have you ever had a test that required the “contrast”.  Well, it’s uncomfortable as hell.  I’ll just leave it at that.  Pain Management gets the results and I have to ask for them.  She says there’s a new bulging disc and a tear.  Let’s try an epidural!  OKaaayy...

Epidural for the FAIL!  NO relief.  No.  Relief.  So, I go back, another month later..  “you should see your PCP and ask for a referral to Ortho and see what they can do for you.  Your knees and hip are hurting so bad, because...your gait in your walk has changed due to the damage in your back from the new disc that is bulging”.  OK, so I’m walking different because my back is jacked and that’s why I can no longer lay on my left side or walk normally.....  OK....  PCP here I come.

PCP actually agrees with pain management?!?  Wait!  STOP!  Hold the presses!  I have two doctors actually agreeing on a course of action in regards to my health and alleviating this pain I’ve been in for six months?!?!  I think I might faint.

“So who did your original back surgery...?”  asks the PCP.  I tell him and he says he’s referring me back to the original doctor.  “Do you remember his name?”  OK, first off, why is the pronoun always “his” or “him”?  Just sayin’. 🤔🤣, Um, nope doc, it’s been like 9 years.  That’s totally out of league of memory time span.  I don’t feel bad because David doesn’t remember either.  So, the PCP says they’ll figure it out once they see my chart.  The office with call with the appointment.

I get the call the week before Christmas, when my kids are here.  They give me the date, the time, and the address.  I see the address and ask if it’s a new thing.  Yes, I guess it is.  Well, I usually see the doctor downtown, but OK.  Thanks!  That’s the only call I get about this.  There’s no confirmation call for the appointment or anything.

Off to the appointment!  It’s an early 8:30AM appointment, and with traffic in Louisville area, you gotta leave at least 45 min to an hour to get to wherever you’re going from my little outskirts town.  We get there right at 8:00!  Whew! 

“Name?”  I give my name and start pulling out the films of my CT scan, which I had gotten copies of the day before.

“Birthdate?”  I answer, handing the report on said films to David.

“Ma’am, your appointment is out at the downtown office.  He’s not even at this office on these days.  You came to the wrong address.”  I literally start screaming in my head, “OK, let me get this straight, I’ve waited almost a month for this appointment and someone gave me the wrong address, and now I may have to re-schedule???”  Then I hear the voice of reason standing behind me say, “This is the address they gave us, or we would have gone to the Gray street address.  We didn’t even know this one existed.  Is there a way she can still be seen, because this was obviously an error on someone else’s part.”  God I love that husband of mine.

“I’ll go ahead and call the office, but it’s up to the doctor.  Start your way over and get through traffic.”  I’m ready to cry.  We get in the car and David starts showing me exactly how well in knows how to get somewhere with his internally built compass.  Meanwhile I would have been listening to the GPS and cussin’ it out.

We get there 15 minutes later, I start filling out paperwork, getting the necessary things done and my name is called.  We get in the exam room, I’m asked to put on paper shorts so they can take a picture of my back.  Literally, the xray machine sounded like a camera taking a picture.  That’s new.  Then a doctor I’ve never seen comes in and explains something about some study she’s doing to answer the question on everyone’s mind...”does your hardware set off the machines at the airport?”  Sure, I’ll fill out your little questionnaire.  Then a student doctor comes and starts asking questions, making it blatantly clear she’s not even taken a cursory look over my chart.  

By this time, I’ve waited in a hard uncomfortable chair for about an hour.  I’ve had a nail-biting trip from one office to another and the regular “oh gosh I hope we’re on time” trip from the house.  My back is all kinds of one big muscle spasm.  The student doctor does some neurological tests...  “I want you to”, followed by “Step on the gas pedal”, “brake”.  OK, I’m not driving a car here, but damn, that left foot is harder to move than it was just this morning!  What the hell!?  Now my toes wanna curl.  Thanks muscles.  So, she’s not bothered with the chart at all, and I tell her why I’m there.  She has me walk so she can watch.  Up... ok ass, UP....out the chair ass... get. up.  out. of.  the..chair!  Damn.... that hurt.  So, I walk and feel myself leaning left and catching myself on the wall.  Great... now I look drunk.

She leaves the room and I notice this guy that was with her that she walked in with because, he’s leaving too.  He was pushing a cart around, and all you could hear from him was “tap tap tap tap” on the keyboard, never looking up.  Just like a robot.  Wow...  I guess he was talking notes.

a few minutes later My Doctor comes in with is entourage:  The student doctor, the robot dude, a nurse and someone who, I assume, is another student nurse, but at this point I don’t care, just fix my back!

“Long time no see!” my doctor says, “whew” I think to myself, he remembers me.  He says, “what brings you in?  Must be pretty rotten if you’re coming back here.”  So I tell him.  “OK, let’s look at the films.”  The best thing about this guy is he just doesn’t bother with the report that a Radiologist makes.  He knows what he’s looking at and makes a plan on how to treat the issue.  He does this because he’s the Spine Specialist and the Radiologist...isn’t.

He’s looking at the screen and says, “This was done with contrast? Yep, it says so right here on the screen.” Awkward silence....”there’s no contrast”.  I think he’s a little miffed off now.  So, he’s showing the student doctor what he would be looking for in my case, because, believe it or not, the man remembers me from 9 years ago.  He’s showing the cage “looks good” and he shows the fusion ”hey that took really well”, and as he’s going further up the vertebra, he starts to get a little softer and talks “shop” with the student.  I hear the words, “We’re gonna have to fuse that” and “there’s definitely serious stenosis, but I won’t know for sure until we get an xray with the contrast.” He then turns to me and says “you see, this is why I have a problem with places like Shelbyville, Simpsonville, Bardstown, smaller towns, you know, doing this test, because, yes, they can do them, they just don’t do them well.  It’s a waste of your time and money and mine.  I need that test to see the extent of the nerve damage.  It’s not a matter of IF you have surgery, just went and how invasive it will be.”  Brain.....click......off.  Literally, I heard nothing else after this.  You see, in my life, I’ve already had 35 surgeries.  I really, REALLY don’t want another one.

I went hoping to hear something was swollen and a pill would fix it, I guess.  Anyway, He ordered 6-8 weeks of aqua therapy.  YAY...Water time.  Hmph.  Sometime soon, I’ll get a call scheduling this test and have it done and it will take about an hour to do.  Laying on this hard, flat table with all kinds of glow stick shit running through my veins for the 24 hours.

Oh...no work.  Nothing.  Zip.  Zilch.  Nada.  The Big NOPE.  All those plans in the new organizer, the reaching out to book new shows, the networking to get to know all the “right” people.... squashed.  So, not a happy camper, am I.

I’ll still do stuff.  I can’t just sit here.  I’ll make labels and stuff.  I have things like that to do anyway.  I’ll edit videos and post them to YouTube (Yep I have a YouTube channel, click that link!).  It will still be fun!

So.... Just when you think you got it all figured out....

[itsjayyyy]

September 18, 2018 4:53 pm

wow since it’s been a few days since an update, I had a lot of things to open this entry with, but of course only one topic can be the first i talk about. so, the most recent one: I was just laying in bed thinking about how I need to study for my bio exam tomorrow and also complete the next two modules for econ, but then I realized it’s tuesday and econ hw is due monday nights, and freaked out. I literally went through all five stages of grief, before I was like “it’s okay, it’s only the homework, the exam will pull my grade up” and opened my laptop to start reading for bio. but then I checked econ and apparently because there’s an exam this week, there wasn’t any homework due so HOLLA.

so this past weekend has been annoying, as always. I was at ioa for friday, but we only had three workers total (we normally have 6) for closing, so it was hell trying to close on time. and then saturday I went to usf, which is always hell. not to mention, hhn started so we had to spend an hour cleaning so the night crew would be set. and at the end of my shift, the usf manager has the nerve to say to me that she wants me to pick up some shifts this week. I tell her that I have four exams, and I’ll have to check my schedule, but she says “oh but your availability says you’re free after 4 on tuesdays, thursdays, and fridays” what the fuck!!!!!! don’t go looking at my availability when I’m not your employee!!!!!!! so I kept saying I had to study, I had to see, two of my exams are online, etc and she kept pushing for me to at least take shifts on friday afternoon and saturday, since I should be done with exams by then. I took the saturday shift because by this point my shift ended a minute ago and I wanted to leave, and told her I’d call her to let her know if I can take friday (I won’t.) SO SUNDAY I walk in to ioa (home sweet home), and we have a new coworker!!! And by new I mean he used to work at usf but transferred here permanently. What. “Oh jay we send you to usf because they’re understaffed and we’re overstaffed.” Okay. So I tell my manager that they’re stupid for accepting MORE workers when we have that issue, and she has the audacity to say to my face “oh it’s more than that, he didn’t like it at usf” as if I haven’t spent the last two months telling both ioa and usf managers that I hate usf. Okay. So Sunday, when I next work at ioa, I’m going to speak to my highest manager and tell her that she either tells the scheduler that I am not to work at usf again, or I quit. I have enough money in my savings account to last me a while.

wow. rose deadass drank 6 apple juice boxes out of the 8-pack we had. this bitch clearly doesn’t care if I starve huh.

so yesterday I met up with heather after class in the student union. did I mention how much I love cafe bustelo? I really love it. a good cafe con leche really warms me up. we talked for a while, then I walked her to class. In our conversation, our birthdays came up at some point (I think I said something along the lines of “you didn’t get me anything for my birthday this year! and she said “you didn’t get me anything either!”) and I was like “I bet you don’t even know my birthday” and she said april 22nd. and then later she was like yea well I bet you don’t know mine and i immediately said march 19, so she said she’d buy me starbucks today to make up for it.

today’s morning was really gr8 and also really un-gr8. like, I woke up at 7 thinking I had to leave the house at 8:30 for my ortho appt, and laid in bed for a while before finally getting up and showering. but when I stepped out of the shower and saw the time was 8, I realized that I didn’t leave the house at 8:30, my appointment was at 8:30. cue getting dressed while still partially damp, forgetting heather’s gov’t textbook, and going 75 in a 45 zone. I thank the gods daily that motorcycles don’t get red light tickets.

while driving down the main road leading to my university, I had this white car weaving between traffic. at one point he was behind me, but then when I slowed down in a turn he switched to the right, which ended up being right behind a campus shuttle (you know, the ones that drive 5 mph under the speed limit at all times and you can barely see around. and they’re diesel, ugh!). as he saw me speed up at the end of the curve, he switched back to behind me and sped up too, but as soon as I reached level with the front of the shuttle (and the pickup on the other side of me), I slammed on my brakes so he couldn’t try to go around. Definitely risked getting run the fuck over, but it was so worth it seeing the look of frustration on his face.

I got nearly instant karma, though, because he entered the university through the first turn, when I went for the second a little ways up since it’s closer to my garage. but the traffic light was down, so I had to merge into one lane with everyone else, and then they wouldn’t even allow left turns because it’s too complex for the person directing traffic, so I had to make a right then a u-turn. But it was made up for by the fact that the trike that normally parks in my spot was probably also deterred by the traffic, and I got to claim my righteous spot.

so when I got on campus, I went to heather’s class, or rather, the building it was in since I couldn’t find room 106 exactly. I remembered that my annoying coworker said that her classes were in that building + the one next to it also on tuesdays, but I thought that there was no way I’d actually bump into her considering there are over 60,000 students and the buildings are pretty large, plus I didn’t know what time her classes are.

well, now I know that her class gets out at the same time + same building as heather. we walked towards the starbucks (which is near her next class), and I introduced her to heather, we talked about how it was to work at universal, the sort. and then she was like “well I gotta go to class now, bye!” and i was like bye and smiled and when she was more than 20 feet away I turned to heather and said “that’s the coworker I told you that I hate.”

I love pumpkin spice season!!!!!!!! got a frappuccino tho, because it’s never truly fall in florida. heather got a mango dragonfruit refresher bc I recommended it to her, and it’s funny because the person ordering before us was also named heather and also ordered a mango dragonfruit. As a barista, that’s like my worst nightmare. Luckily they were able to tell it apart because the other heather got a grande. We sat in the starbucks for a while, I explained how weed is a lot more safe than cigarettes, talked about pine hills’ reputation, and how samantha’s mom is so damn disrespectful. This woman drove heather home one day when picking up samantha, and the whole ride was bragging about how samantha was going to be so successful because she’s majoring in some type of psychology and will be making over 90k a year. and then she turned the conversation to how teachers don’t make that much money, and she asks heather how she could do that, just take such a low-paying job. and lemme tell ya how MY GIRL HEATHER FUCKIN SNAPPED. she done said she tired of people saying teachers don’t make a lot of money yall. she said to samantha’s mom, “I don’t know how you’re looking down on my salary when you have three children from three different men with only a salary of $30k.” Y’ALL. the point that heather was trying to make the point that “people from working-class families act as if a salary less than 100k is unacceptable even for an unmarried, childless young adult despite working class families often having a household income of 50k while supporting children just fine,” but damn she really went there. goin off on this good catholic woman for having baby daddies. well samantha’s mom and samantha became very upset. and they told heather’s dad who would not leave her alone until she apologized. as in, he was banging on her door telling her she had to apologize. I said put headphones in and ignore it, she was like “girl you don’t understand haitian parents. my dad literally opened my door with a knife when I locked it.” so she had to apologize :/ but she also made it clear that she didn’t like the way samantha’s mom disrespected her. she tried to make it seem relatable, and be like, “oh what if i said that to your mom, wouldn’t you tell me to apologize” and I’m like???? no???? I would make my mom apologize for being disrespectful first the hell??? then I reminded her about how I literally lived on the streets for 3 weeks because my mom was disrespectful to me.

today after class I decided to take the city bus home, for 4 reasons: I wanted to stay humble and remember where I came from, I wanted time to be able to finish this book, not walking the last half-mile home every day this semester has caused some weight gain, and I really wanted to hold my parking spot against that damn trike, and it seems he comes too early in the morning for me, so I just left my bike there overnight. yea I’m petty.

The book was really good. It’s definitely a hard read, for sure. In the sense that it really will make you cry. At the end, it listed all of the school shooting victims since columbine, plus a small snippet about them (it was like 20 pages long). The one that really got me was an 8 year old, whose text read “shoot me first,” as he wanted to take a bullet so it wouldn’t be used against his classmates. Then, below that entry, a seven year old, who said “shoot me next.” Just typing that is making my eyes water again.

The walk home was super tiring. I’m super out of shape, it was hard for me to even imagine that I did this every single day the entire first semester of college. And I have to do it tomorrow morning again, ugh. Can you believe heather wakes up at 5:30 am???? I’m never seen out of bed before 7, and even then it’s only for things like appointments. But I guess I really should start waking up earlier, because whenever I get on campus around 8 I feel great because I have so much time to study and stuff. but that means I have to buy a coffee on campus, and I don’t know if I want to commit to that expense.

edit: so I originally posted this to my main, and when I saw that I copied it, then deleted it, then tried to paste it into a new post, but I guess I didn’t press ctrl hard enough because it didn’t copy. and I was about to cry bc this is close to 2k words, but then I realized I had a tab of my main open that still had the original post showing, so I copied from there.