#I still mourn the loss of my old primary blog
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novrium · 3 months ago
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Heavily debating right now whether I want to actually make my primary blog wholly reblog centric while creating a new secondary blog for fandom stuff 🤔
Like that's the whole reason I developed a preference for secondary blogs in the first place since I can simply
move those to a new primary blog without much trouble if any need / want to do so arises
lock them for a bit whenever my anxiety (etc.) acts up (this being the main reason I decided to create my journaling-/diary esque blog instead of putting my rambles on here since that is the most effective way of battling my anxiety)
Activity there would probably be semi sporadic but I'd say it's still worth a thought
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go-diane-winchester · 6 years ago
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New question:  Why do I dislike Misha and his fans?
@super-who-loser asked the following question:
Hey, I’m not trying to come across as rude or anything I’m just wondering why you dislike Misha so much? I know Jared and Jensen have been there since the beginning and yes, there have been times where his character has been pretty useless but I don’t hate him and you’re being really mean to some Destiel shippers and like I know that it’s obviously never going to happen and Cockles is a big no no for me but I am confused about why you really don’t like him? I’m honestly just curious
Thank you for the question.  Let me point out before hand, that my irritation towards Misha has nothing to do with a ship.  I used to read destiel slash.  I used to like Cockles AU.  I don't ship wincest.  I ship AUs.  Its my favorite slash subgenre.  So no, this is not a ship argument.  Ship whatever you want, but mind your manners.  There are many things that I don't like about Misha.  However I am choosing to answer only from a SPN perspective because that is the primary way that we know him. 
MISHA AND SLASH FICTION
You may not realize this but Supernatural has been on the air for so long that it, plus its fan base, has experienced and initiated a few changes and trends.  In the space of fourteen years, filming became digitalized.  Social media, which was a fledgling thing back then, is the norm now [I have a disdain towards social media].  To put it into perspective, the child actors that played Asher, the Antichrist kid [I forget his name] and Little Lillith from the early seasons are likely in their 20s now.  Trends in entertainment changed.  Hollywood seems poised to implode upon itself, geographically, with major entertainers moving house to outlets like Netflix.  Netflix, not bound by geography, is likely to become the next Hollywood.  Slash, too, has undergone change.  And as far as SPN is concerned, that change has not been organic.  It has been by design and at the hands on Misha Collins. 
When Castiel came on board, there were already two prevalent pairings in Supernatural:  Wincest and Bobby/John.  There were other pairings.  But these were the most prevalent.   So Supernatural had slash fans already.  These fans were already aware of what slash fiction was, and they were a self-monitoring group.  They realized that the actors were aware of slash and didn't want it to be the focal point of their con appearances, because they didn't want the fans to think they were hinting at anything.  The fans understood and ever since, they have respected the actor's wishes.  When some fans liked Dean's interaction with Cas, they started shipping destiel. 
Destiel's old fans were just like all the other shippers.  They were treating destiel the way it should be treated.  Like a fantasy.  They did artwork and literature about it and kept it to themselves, as they should.  Misha never knew what slash fiction was, until he looked on Tumblr and found Destiel.  In his words, he used destiel to ''keep this gig for longer''.  He kept talking about destiel even though he was instructed not to, and pulling the LGBT into it, to make it look like destiel was about gay rights and queer art, when it isn't.  There are various kinds of destiel written by different people, from different perspectives, for different reasons.  That is true for all pairings everywhere.  By making destiel about the LGBT and waving the ''no shipping question'' rule in convention panels, he did two things. 
He turned destiel into a vehicle for LGBT activism.  Instead of being a pastime, now destiel is used to fight for LGBT representation, even though, many of the LGBT people within my own circle despise him for it.  Most of the people fighting for LGBT representation are actually quite homophobic and insulting in their thinking and logic.  And they are not even LGBT.  They are just a bunch of straight girls for whom, their fantasy has become a drug, and they wont stop until destiel becomes canon. 
He turned Jensen into the bad guy.  Misha spoke openly about slash.  Jensen chose not to.  He didn't want any part of it, and this is true about all the pairings he is a part of, not just destiel.  Because of his choice, Misha fans make negative comparisons between him and Misha, even saying that Jensen is a homophobe/biphobe because he doesn't want to talk about destiel or make it canon.  They ranted about it on social media and mass media picked up on it.  The University Of Sydney has an academic paper, under Celebrity Studies, dedicated to Jensen's supposed homophobia.  The destiel shippers are literally Jensen's reputation. 
Misha should have left slash alone.  Any fan of his will know that he overindulges the slash fans.  And the one thing that I noticed about slash fans, is that you don't give them excessive attention, or they will go completely crazy.  It doesn't matter what they slash.
Harry Styles and Liam Tomlinson learned that the hard way, because the Larry fans destroyed their friendships when they over-emphasized the fan servicing.  They did the fan servicing because Modest Management told them to, they  ended up hating their fans for what the fans became.  They have since severed ties with Modest.  Even on a day when one of them was mourning the loss of a parent, the fans who pushing the other guy so they could have a ship moment.  These two boys were very young when they entered the band.  Harry was 15 years old.  They had youthful ignorance to blame for making the decision to blindly follow the manager's instruction.  Misha cannot make any of those excuses. 
Misha got into the show at age 35.  He was already a grown man.  He was not a pivotal part of the show and therefore the only notes he was getting, was for his acting.  He wasn't being coached by anyone as to how he should engage his fans.  He was too small a fry for that.  In fact, no one was sure how long he would last on the show.  So these notes were only acting, including one telling him not to adlib his lines.  Whatever transpired between him and the destiel fans, happened because he orchestrated it. 
MISHA AND SUPERNATURAL
When Cas came on board, he was fun new character.  By the end of season 5, he had run his course on the show.  The show didn't need his character because [and as a writer I understand this] the presence of Castiel hampered the progress of the story.  Sera Gamble dealt with that frustration during her tenure as showrunner.  Cas was an angel.  If he was an ally to the boys, the boys should have a more powerful nemesis.  After all, they have an angel buddy to help them.  Unfortunately, they couldn't keep coming up with more and more powerful bad guys and negative elements, especially on a show where the biggest bad guy, the devil itself, and the worst case scenario [the apocalypse] has already been dealt with.  
During 6 and 7, they had Soulless Sam, Sam's wall, the leviathans, Metatron, the demons, Crowley, Dick Roman and even the Alphas, if I am not mistaken.  So many bad guys and bad situations, because the good guys had a powerful angel.  They could make him lose his power, so he wont be such a powerful ally.  And they did exactly that.  But Misha has very few skills to show off.  Imagine if Osric was Cas.  Even without power, he would still be able to taekwondo the stuffing out of bad guys.  He wouldn't be useless.  Cas, without his grace, didn't help the story along.  He didn't bring something extra to the story.  He was pointless.  So they made him a bad guy and for the first time in a long time, Cas was pivotal to the story.    
Eventually, she got fed up of shoehorning him into the script and just did away with the character.  But, rumor has it that Singer brought him back.  And he was welcome by the worst Q score measurement ever.  That would tell you that he was not appreciated as an actor by everyone, just his shipping and cult fans.  Since then, Cas has done nothing important in the script until recently where he made a deal for Jack.  Other than that, he has been an add on, and that is Misha's fault.  Every time Jensen and Misha did a scene, Misha would overemphasize the destiel aspect, either via social media or during his panels.  And eventually Jensen got fed up and cut the scenes short.  Basically, Misha shot himself in the foot.  The DeanCas fan service made for annoying television for people who didn't want to deal with shippy nonsense while they were watching their favorite show. 
If they didn't add anything shipping related, the hellers screamed.  If they did, the hellers screamed canon and queer baiting.  Misha's interference did that.  All he had to do was stop talking, and he couldn't do that, because his fan base will lose interest in him.  In order to keep that one group of militants, Misha isolated all other fans and potential fans. 
MISHA AND THE DESTIEL FANS
Misha's fan have sent Jensen various death threats, the receipts of which are on my blog.  A few days back, a heller was setting Jensen's picture on fire because Misha tweeted a lie that there will be a turning point for Dean and Cas in the upcoming episode.  So even though Misha was the guilty party, this psycho is punishing Jensen.  These fans have also discussed kidnapping Jared's children.  When they bully Jensen and Jared, they tag Misha in many of the tweets.  Misha randomly does Q and A sessions based on his tweets, but he has never seen a single threat and bullying remark??.....in ten years??.....really??  Nah, I am not buying that.  Frankly, I think the man just doesn't care.  Acknowledging them will mean he will have to stop them which means he will eventually have to stop peddling destiel which means he will not have an audience which means SPN will kick him right out.  The funny thing is, I think he is wrong.  He might actually have more fans if he didn't alienate them with his special brand of shippy vulgarity.  I could fill a page with all the receipts of the death threats.  And Jensen doesn't deserve that. 
I also call out destiel shippers on Tumblr so that everyone else can block the problematic ones.  Have you noticed how many names there are for the destiel pairing?  DeanCas, CasDean, DeanxCastiel and recently I discovered Dastiel.  Have you ever wondered why?  It is because they don't want you to block them.  If you filter destiel, they will use another name.  Why is that?  That is not a ship.  That's a cult.  They want to indoctrinate.  They tag destiel in other fandom names.  They are trying to create more fans for a ship.  That is why I call out specific people.  Especially the ones that tag AKF in their destiel garbage.  I have no issues with the good shippers.  I have done posts about them.  The bad ones might do something criminal one day, which is why they bother me. 
This answer, only just scratches the surface.  I am not telling you everything.  I am not telling you about Jared, Robert Berens, Kim, Briana, Travis, Sera Gamble, Ben Edlund, Ty Olsson etc.  I am just telling you the brief basics.  I hope this answers your question.  Have a nice day.  Apologies for the inevitable typos.
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briannacabralll · 2 years ago
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I’m 25 and sad now, nice to meet you.
It is now nearly eight years since I wrote my very first and only blog here on Tumblr. I had forgotten I created an account, but through a matter of twists and turns life gave me, I ended up here again. 
My tone is a bit somber these days because I’ve “grown up” as you might call it. I almost want to call myself 26, but I’m actually twenty-five and wondering who I want to be at twenty-six.
Right now I understand that I am in a serious grieving process after the loss of my son, my twelve year old son. Some may misconstrue my intentions when I say I lost a child, but I would disagree and proclaim the life I led and lived with him for 12 years was more than most. My son was my best friend, soul mate, and the infinite apple of my eye. He still is, even without being able to have him in physical form. He resides in the spirit realm now and I do believe he watches above me and protects and guides my family for loving him unconditionally and doing all in our power to caretake him, even when his medical conditions became grave. 
While we mourn him, we also fight ourselves everyday to get up, to smile, to hold our chins up, because I believe we’ll meet again in the kingdom of heaven. He left behind a legacy, he was a dad, a husband, a father, and even a grandfather. 
My mother is actually the primary caregiver of his grandson, we call him the “babie” because he’s the youngest of his clan. 
There’s a lot of holes to this story, but as of right now, this is all I can think to write for blog number two. If you can understand how painful a loss is, especially when it’s someone you spent every single day of your life with, then you know life becomes confusing, disorienting, and at times, meaningless.
I’m here today, on the 27th of July, logging on and taking a chance on myself because of my son. Because his life and soul are beautiful stories to tell and through the strength of the memories he has instilled in me forever, of his love, affection, I will do my best to push forward and look for endless ways to keep his memory alive.
If you’d like to support, read on.
#q8 #askmewhattheq8storyis #lovelivesforever2021 #mysonlivesforever∞
“The greatest lessons are the ones you don’t remember learning” (from Somewhere in America) by Belissa Escoloedo, Zariya Allen, and Rhiannon McGavin.
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youstartedoutrandom · 7 years ago
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Please write something about how to deal with the Naya Rivera situation. I'm so upset.
Hey Anon,
The first thing is to acknowledge your emotions for what they are: a grief response.
While some people may say that it doesn’t make sense to get worked up over something a celebrity has done—even one’s favorite celebrity—the truth is that a fan’s relationship with the media they consume and the people who produce that media is complex and deeply emotional. 
Storytelling and representation can make deep impacts on the ways in which we perceive ourselves, so seeing someone who helped to tell one of your favorite stories or who in some way represented a crucial facet of your identity in media do something disgraceful or even pernicious can upset your sense of self and cause you to feel conflicted and hurt.
Based on your message, I’m guessing that Naya’s work and advocacy have probably meant a lot to you over the years. You may have looked up to her. You may have seen yourself in the characters she has played. 
Seeing this situation unfold has probably challenged your notions of her and maybe even affected your perceptions about the media she has helped to create. You may feel uncomfortable thinking about her and her work and be unsure as to how to continue to engage with characters, music, and storylines you have long loved. It may be hard for you to look at Santana and/or Brittana and enjoy them anymore. Doing so may even be triggering for you, depending on your past history.
If so, then what you’re experiencing is a kind of loss, and it’s healthy for you to treat it that way. You have to allow yourself to process your thoughts and work through your feelings.
The tricky thing is is that there is no one right way to grieve, and everyone’s emotional journey is going to be different. I can’t offer you a “one size fits all” fix for your grief or tell you the way you ought to react. All I can do is offer suggestions. 
I put them after the cut.
_______
So the first thing I suggest is to allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling and truly grieve. 
It’s okay if you’re sad. It’s okay if you’re angry. It’s okay if you’re confused. It’s okay if you’re all those things at once. 
You may see other people in fandom spaces reacting differently to this situation than you are, but don’t spend too much time comparing your reaction to theirs or trying to force your reaction to match anyone else’s. 
Though the fandom is in many ways a collective, it is made up of individuals, and everyone comes to fandom with different experiences, meaning that while this situation may be hitting you hard, others may be less affected. Some people will need a lot of time to grieve. Others will need no time at all. While your primary emotional response may be sorrow, your best fandom friend may instead feel anger or incredulity. There isn’t one right way to feel about what’s happening or to respond to this news. 
Just focus on what you feel and give yourself the time and emotional space that you need to work through your own reactions. 
Remember that grief is seldom linear and that you may feel like you’re done mourning this loss one day only to suddenly feel bereaved again the next. You may be fine for a while but then hear a snippet of “Landslide” and all at once be right back where you started. 
Sometimes it’s hard to be patient with the grief process because you just want it to be over so you can stop feeling upset, but you can’t rush it. You just have to ride the wave and allow yourself to react as much as you need to. There’s no single timescale and the five stages don’t always happen either in order or individually. Nothing about grief is neat and tidy.
Permit yourself to feel what you need to feel, and realize that your paradigm is probably going to shift.
—which brings me to my second suggestion, which is to carefully curate your media for the next while.
After everything is said and done, some people in the Santana/Brittana fandom are going to want to continue engaging with Naya’s past work, but others are not, and only you can decide where you stand on the issue and what makes you comfortable.
When certain media has meant a lot to you—and may have even bettered or saved your life—it can be really difficult to decide how to proceed when an actor involved with that media has done something you object to, particularly if you are a fan who is conscious of the facts that storytelling doesn’t happen in a vacuum and that continuing to support celebrities who are abusers can have serious implications for their victims.
I can’t tell you what you’re going to feel about Naya/Glee/Santana/Brittana once this situation plays out in full. I can only encourage you to be gentle with yourself over the next few days and weeks.   
If seeing Naya, Santana, and/or Brittana is in any way upsetting or triggering to you, then blacklist those words and images using Tumblr Savior or even consider logging off your fan sites for the time being. You may need to avoid clicking links to the updated news stories. You may need to unfollow some blogs. You may need to stop watching old episodes or listening to old music. 
It’s possible that you’ll eventually want to return to engaging with media involving Naya, but it’s also possible that you won’t.
In the event that you don’t want to return, tell yourself that what you’re doing is okay. I know that walking away from media you once loved can be a confusing and emotional process, and it may even feel like an act of disloyalty. But the important thing is to do what you need to so that you can feel safe and healthy and process your grief.
One of the hardest things about seeing someone we’ve once admired do something that we can’t condone is feeling that somehow the well has been poisoned—that all of the good that they may have done for us in the past has been undone by the bad thing they’ve done in the present.
If you do end up walking away from this aspect of your fandom life, please know that doing so in no way invalidates or changes the things that you have felt and learned to this point in your journey. If Naya’s portrayal of Santana helped you to understand and accept yourself and your sexuality, then that’s a good thing, and you don’t have to feel guilty or invalid. 
Though the media itself may be tainted for you, the discoveries you’ve made, the healing you’ve experienced, the friendships you’ve forged, and the art you’ve created still count for good in your life.
If you need to express your feelings about this situation, then do so. Write a reaction post if you need to. Confide in a trusted fandom friend if you can. If you feel helpless or like you need to take action, consider doing something to support victims of domestic violence or raise awareness.
At the same time that you are curating your own media and figuring out your best course of action, allow others around you to do the same. 
As stated above, everyone is going to process this situation differently, and you may have friends in the fandom who need different types of space and amounts of time to grieve than you do. 
Be conscientious about your tags and reblogs. Be respectful of what your friends and mutuals may or may not want to talk about. So many people all over the world have personal experience with domestic violence situations, and it is important to be mindful of their trauma.
My final suggestion is to talk to someone if you need to.
If you’re struggling, reach out for help to a family member, friend, counselor, or hotline. Don’t feel like you have to process your grief alone because you don’t. There are people who are willing to listen and who want to help.
I’m thinking of you, Anon, and my ask box is open if you need it.
Be good to yourself.
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nookishposts · 7 years ago
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Identity in Words
When we meet people, when we are reintroduced to those we haven’t seen in many years, when we draft a cover letter, one question that must be answered repeatedly is: “What do you do?”
I am discovering that for me, it’s a question increasingly more difficult to answer with any accuracy. And I am too old to answer with a shrug and “I don’t know.”
A recent series of changes have caused me to think more deeply about the whole idea of identity; we define ourselves so much by the company we keep and how we make our living. Usually there’s a certain amount of crossover between the two; the after-work drink of a Friday evening, the birthday celebrations over lunch hour, the common themes of cheering babies and mourning parents, as we travel together proscribed hours per week, cover one another’s sick leaves, and nod in general understanding at both the news and the gossip.
Sudden employment dismissal felt like somebody whopped me across the face hard with a large cold fish (deliberate melodrama for the sake of the point here). The accompanying tang of salt sea air was bracing, but my jaw remains tender. Amid addressing the resultant practical matters, I find myself thinking about how to tell the story. Which is where I am going with this.
My Mum instilled a love of stories in me; she read to me constantly and encouraged me to ask people about themselves, watch classic films with her, and wonder always about the ‘why’ of things. Her parents and siblings, if you wound them up just right, could tell stories for days. They were not people who read classics or attended live theater (grandchildren’s school plays notwithstanding), but I grew to do those things myself.
I have written  for as long as I can remember, pretty much as soon as I could form letters with a pencil. I recall understanding I had hit the jackpot in Family Brownie Points when I answered a primary school fill-in-the-blank question: “Happiness Is_______?” with: “When Grandma comes to visit.” I meant it. Grandma was no-nonsense but made it plain she loved me, and she had a deep, dirty laugh that was totally at odds with her otherwise very lady-like demeanor. I could get lost in her cornflower eyes and the powdered wrinkles that framed them when she smiled at me. It was hard to remember sometimes that her life had taken her to the rim of Hell and back multiple times, such was her open tenderness. She had her flaws of course, but I could always get her telling stories. She laughed hardest at herself. She died when I was 31; we spoke by phone several times per week until then no matter where I was; how I wish now that I had stuck a voice recorder next to her teacup.
I wrote a Remembrance Day skit when I was in Grade 4. Later, reams of dreadful poetry full of adolescent angst and self-righteous scorn. Tried songwriting with interesting results. As many teenagers do. In my 20s I wrote a novel just to see if I could. In long-hand, on foolscap. Pure crap, but I still have it somewhere…because of the feelings I had when I was working on it; shutting the world out and letting my imagination fly. Frustrated at not finding the right combinations of words to say what I thought I meant.  Just hating to not be able to be clear, to risk the possibility of being misunderstood. I didn’t know then that I was simply trying to be heard, by my own self. (Therapy eventually took care of that.)
Highschool, College, and University English courses were fun. I loved the exchange of ideas in class, enjoyed Shakespeare, mangling Middle-English, deliberately chewing the scenery in recitation. Spent lots of time with little theatre companies, onstage and backstage, wrote scenes and articles, newsletters, and reviews. Then grown-up life got in the way, making a living took priority, and for many years I didn’t write anything more than the odd cranky Letter to The Editor.
Those 25 years took me through various types of recreation and social service jobs, a couple of relationships, lots of soul-searching. My creative urges found  other outlets in body therapies, gardening, home renovations, volunteering. I made the mistake of showing that first fledgling novel to someone, who read it and pronounced: “Well, it doesn’t suck.” It hasn’t seen the light of day since. I am such a coward sometimes.
When we moved to Winnipeg in 2009, I began a new novel, sent a few chapters to a friend in Ontario, who liked it, a lot. She regularly threatens to beat me to death with those pages if I don’t finish the thing. I have left her hanging for 9 years. Because the story began to ring a little too true, and I ran away. Again. Some of us are slow learners.
Becoming 50 started an interesting series of awakenings; like a cascade of pebbles loosened by a casual slip at the top of a mountain path. They skitter and bounce, gathering momentum, altering the landscape in subtle ways as gravity wins. I’ve spent 56 years carving that path up the mountain, resting along the way in shallow caves, on sunny crags, occasionally knocked on my ass by storms. The view from here is quite something, but I look at those tumbling pebbles and realize they are knocking loose some inhibitions and falsehoods as the debris they have become. On my way up, I’ve taken things out of my survival kit; lightened the load by leaving worn out shields and masks on the side of the track. I’ve shed any number of illusions, and it’s such a liberating feeling. I lack the time or the patience for things that used to take up too much space in my consciousness; if I am clean and presentable, who cares if I remain forever in blue jeans? If I come from a place of kindness, who cares what others think of my opinions? They are still subject to change after all. Life will do that, right up until the final moment.
The last couple of years have involved carefully calculated risks. I’ve been blogging steadily, and become involved with a local story-telling series. Both have been incredibly gratifying, and I am delighted to discover that while constructive feedback and compliments are wonderful and sometimes surprising, the real surprise is discovering that I have been doing it all for the pure joy of writing. Didn’t see that gift coming, even if it may have been obvious to people who know me. They shake their heads a lot, with good reason.
I’ve been tentatively promoting a small business in personal biographies for 5 months, and its growing, thanks to the cheerleading of key friends and mentors. It is to be my retirement income, and I can do it from anywhere, including the middle of nowhere if we find the right acreage at the right price. Simple sustainable living, mortgage-free, and writing down the stories that other people tell me, for a basic remuneration. Paradise found. That big hard fish-slap means I have been set as free as I am ever going to be, to make those words pay.
I don’t have it in me to be an innovative journalist. I’m not particularly good at fiction, unless its under a tree or by a campfire with little kids begging for a whopper; a different kind of fish-story. I have two strengths: to listen and to observe, then put those things into written words. Softening the edges of the world around me allows pictures to form in my head, brings the taste of delicious, playful prose to my mouth, sends my fingers skittering over the keyboard like those pebbles down the mountainside path; revealing stuff I never knew that I knew. It’s humbling, and also cautiously exciting. Full-circle. Happiness is: ________.
I’m not sure what makes someone a writer. Is it when they have been published (yes, in small ways), won awards (yes, a couple)? Or is it when we realize we have done it all our lives in some way or another and aren’t likely to stop any time soon? Is it a professional designation or a personal one, or shifting degrees of both?
From this place two-thirds of my way up my mountain, I am hereby kicking a big rock in the direction of letting others dictate my job description. I release myself to the joy of just doing, hoping my words might also give others some pleasure and make it easier for them to tell their own stories about whatever the heck they choose. We meet one another in the shared experiences; the public embarrassment, the secret fear, the unavoidable loss, the happy surprise.  #MeToo is the most poignant and powerful example of this collective tapestry-weaving I have seen in my lifetime. Our stories can change the world. One  word at a time until the ground swells beneath our feet and false mountains are shaken till they crumble into dust. I have decided that what I “do” is write. Which makes me a writer.
Well, that was easy.
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thealogie · 8 years ago
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1/2 hey thea! you might not remember me but I messaged you before TFP, my sister and I came out to each other a few weeks before it.. I know you’re not really blogging as much about sherlock but I was just wondering in all sincerity.. do you have any love left for the show? do you think you’ll still be able to watch it or have it be part of your life? are you angry? I know a lot of people cope by joking about it & I wish I could lol.. I’m sorry I guess I just need some kind of
2/2 validation, thinking about the ep still makes me feel crazy. For me there’s no coming back from this. I lost something I loved for like 6 years. It hurts. I guess I was just wondering where you’re at (naturally, since I’ve been following you for so long because of the show and this feels like the end of the road for me with Sherlock).
im genuinely so sorry for this massive loss… and of course i remember. i have a lot of complicated feelings but i stand by what i said to you then. no matter what these characters are so…a part of me, are so precious to me and exist apart from the show to me. i know what i saw with my own two eyes. it’s not something i can stop feeling about or that someone can take away from me (though i totally get people feeling otherwise and i think being at like Done is totally justified).
sorry this got long and needs to go under the cut but basically…i didn’t blog about it much because i think the joking around/predicting vibe is good and i was in a very different place the first week. i personally definitely needed to mourn and like…read old fics jhghjjuhyupoi. i did literally nothing for a week. just melted on my bed and stared at my ceiling. i think it was important for me to let myself be sad cause im usually bad at that. and it was important for me that they know they Made A Huge Mistake (and they do so…). 
but otherwise i was never interested in anything outside of the narrative so im kind of angry that they spent time and money making tfp and that i had to watch with my own eyes. but anger is not the primary emotion because i definitely don’t see it as a personal/malicious move. mostly: i needed them to KNOW, i needed to be sad, and now i need to be busy for a while and only think about the narrative in a way that makes me happy, which im good at doing....and also the occasional meme. sorry this is far from a helpful answer or even the commiseration you deserve i guess just…whatever feels right is the right thing to do. 
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zayneblumberg14-blog · 8 years ago
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Blog Post #8: Influences on Mozart’s Life
1. I think Nannerl influenced Mozart a lot and much more than people give credit for. I believe that people are largely a product of their environment and who they grew up with. I have an older brother and he is one of the greatest influences on my life. I would not be the person that I am today without him and the same goes for my parents. However, my brother and I have a special relationship and we have always pushed each other growing up. Whenever he was doing something like playing a sport or instrument, I wanted to do the exact same thing. I played the same sports that he did and I was on boys teams because he obviously played on boys teams. He played the saxophone and that inspired me to start playing an instrument as well. He was also my coach in the sports that I played. I wasn’t great at listening to him back when we were young, but looking back on my life, he’s taught me a lot about the sports I play today. I have my own talents, but he has definitely been a major influence on my life. I think the same would apply to Mozart and Nannerl, especially considering that she was such a talented harpsichordist. She was musically talented and in his letters, Mozart seemed to admire her talents greatly and they seemed to have a close relationship. I think Mozart looked up to her a lot, which leads me to believe that Nannerl could have been a great influence on him musically. My brother and I have always been competitive with each other, which pushed us in that way. But we also support one another and want to see each other do well and will help one another do whatever it takes to succeed. I think Wolfgang and Nannerl Mozart had a similar relationship and she had a great influence on his music and his success as a musician. 
2. This reading gave a little more insight into who Mozart was not only as a musician, but also as a person. It also describes what events led to him becoming who he was and the difficulties that he faced with his family and his life as a traveling musician. In Eisen’s article, you got the perception that Mozart was an all around genius who suffered through many difficulties, but overcame several obstacles in his life to become as successful as he did. But in this article, you get the perception that Mozart was very different and although he was a genius, he had many flaws as a human being when it came to his social life. Both of the readings have similar outlooks on his music, but they have different portrayals on who Mozart was as a person and what led to his accomplishments.This article describes Mozart as not being all there in the head and constantly needing someone to tell him what he needed to do in order to be perceived as “normal”. The first article didn’t really go into detail about that part of Mozart’s story. I believe the first article was meant for an audience that was more interested in learning about Mozart’s musical style and career rather than his personal life and who he was as a person. The second article seemed to be more of a biography about Mozart that connected to his musical career, but didn’t go into great detail about the music that he composed.
3. Eisen believes that Nannerl had nothing to do with Mozart’s success and that he was not influenced by her in any way because there is no evidence to show her influence. Due to his belief on this matter, I understand more about his perspective and opinion of Mozart. Eisen sees Mozart’s story as impeccable and absolutely incredible. I am not saying that Mozart’s story isn’t incredible because he was a remarkable human being and clearly a genius. However, Eisen has a bias towards Mozart and thinks that his success is due to his talents and hard work rather than other people influencing his achievements. He gives some credit to his father, but also says that his father pushed him a bit too far later in life and he had to overcome the obstacle of pleasing his father. However, he says nothing about Nannerl influencing him because he doesn’t believe she had anything to do with it even though she was a wonderful musician herself. Eisen mentioned that she was also a child prodigy, but she could not compare to her brother. I see the first article having a lot of bias towards Mozart and the type of life he lived. Eisen does not give much credit to anyone else having much influence on his career. It makes me view the article differently because Mozart was a remarkable person and had many obstacles he had to overcome, but I think that a lot of his success came from his family, not only his God given talents and hard work on his part.
4. I read letter 106 from Wolfgang to his best friend who is not named in this letter. It was written on July 3, 1778 from Paris after Mozart’s mother passed away. This was in no way a mundane letter. Mozart was writing about his mother passing away earlier that night and he was writing this letter at 2 in the morning. He was mourning the loss of his mother and describing in detail how she was doing. He begged his friend to not tell his father or sister since they were not there to witness it, but to just prepare them for the news. Mozart was pleading for his best friend to prepare his family for the news and to vent his feelings about losing his mother. Mozart had a very close relationship to his mother so I can only imagine the pain and sorrow he was feeling at this moment. Part of him seemed a little bit relieved in his letter, however, to know that she was no longer suffering. He was writing that she is now with God and no longer in pain. However, he seemed very sad and distraught and just wanted to vent his feelings to his best friend and beg him to prepare his father and sister for the terrible news. 
5. I chose to look at the letter written on September 7, 1771 and I believe it was written to his sister in Salzburg. The letter itself looks pretty illegible and I cannot easily see what words are written on the page due to ink splotches and the handwriting isn’t the greatest either. This letter looks more legible than the other ones that I looked at and the handwriting looks a little better. However, it is still very difficult to read what is on the paper. I’m not sure how the translation was acquired because I cannot really see the letters clearly enough to see if the translations are accurate in German. I may not be able to see it with the naked eye, but I’m sure the people who wrote the letters in clearer writing and translated them had better technology to see what Mozart was saying in the letter. There are tons of letters on this webpage and I think there is a lot we can learn about Mozart’s life and his relationship with his family and friends. As a primary source, I believe that these letters can be used as scholarly sources because it is directly from Mozart. Overall, the letters are in pretty good shape for being so old. Considering that they are still somewhat legible, I think these are good sources to get information not only about Mozart’s life, but about the times. 
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psychotherapyconsultants · 8 years ago
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Why We Grieve So Intensely for Our Pets
Your own pet is never “just a dog.”
My wife and I recently went through one of the more excruciatingly sorrowful experiences of our long married life: the death of a pet — the euthanasia of our beloved dog, Murphy. Losing a dog is hard enough; setting the time and date in advance and then counting down the hours that we had left with her was almost more than we could bear.
11 Thoughts EVERYONE Has During The Stages Of Grief
I still get choked up when I remember making eye contact with Murphy moments before she took her last breath. She flashed me a look that was an endearing blend of confusion mixed with the reassurance that all was well because we were both by her side.
When people who have never had a dog see their dog-owning friends mourn the death of a pet, they probably think it is a bit of an overreaction. After all, it is “just a dog.” Fortunately, most are too polite to say this out loud.
But those of us who have loved a dog know the truth: Your own pet is never “just a dog.”
Rudyard Kipling captured this sentiment in a stanza of his poem “The Power of the Dog”:
When the fourteen years which Nature permits
Are closing in asthma, or tumor, or fits,
And the vet’s unspoken prescription runs
To lethal chambers or loaded guns,
Then you will find — it’s your own affair
But…you’ve given your heart to a dog to tear.
Many times friends have guiltily confided to me that they grieved more desperately over the loss of a dog than over the loss of friends or relatives. Research has confirmed that for most people, the loss of a dog is in almost every way comparable to the loss of a human loved one.
Unfortunately, we do not have the corresponding cultural grief rituals to help us get through the loss of a pet, which can make us feel more than a bit embarrassed to show too much public grief over our dead dogs.
Why Dogs Are Special
What is it about dogs, exactly, that make them so precious to us? For starters, dogs have had to adapt to living with humans over the past 10,000 years, and they have done it very well. They are the only animal to have evolved specifically to be our companions and friends.
Anthropologist Brian Hare has developed the “Domestication Hypothesis” to explain how dogs morphed from their gray wolf ancestors into the socially-skilled animals with whom we now interact in very much the same way that we relate to other people. In fact, our relationships with dogs can be even more satisfying than our human relationships, if for no other reason than dogs provide us with such unconditional, uncritical positive feedback.
As the old saying goes, “May I become the kind of person that my dog thinks I already am.”
9 Life Lessons I Learned from The Cat I Loved (Who Left Me)
Interacting with dogs makes us feel good, and just looking at them can make us smile. Dog owners score higher on measures of well-being and, on average, they are happier than people who own cats and those who own no pets at all.
And dogs seem to feel the same way about us. They have been selectively bred through generations to pay attention to us, and MRI scans show that dog brains respond to praise from their owners just as strongly as they do to food — for some dogs, praise is an even more effective incentive than food.
Dogs recognize people from their faces and can learn to infer human emotional states from facial expression alone. Studies also indicate that dogs can understand human intentions, that they try to be helpful to us, and that they will even avoid people who do not cooperate with us or treat us well.
Dogs communicate with us as no other animal does. They are skilled at comprehending spoken words and using their own vocalizations to communicate with us in return.
Our strong attachment to dogs was subtly revealed in a recent study of “misnaming.” This is what happens when you call someone by the wrong name, such as when parents mistakenly call one of their kids by a sibling’s name.
It turns out that the name of the family dog frequently gets confused in the same mix as other human family members, indicating that the dog’s name is being pulled out of the same cognitive pool in which the names of other family members are swimming around. Curiously, this rarely happens with cat names.
It is no wonder that we miss our dogs so much when they are gone.
Why Grief Over the Death of a Dog Is So Intense
Psychologist Julie Axelrod pointed out that the loss of a dog is so painful because we are not losing just one thing; we experience multiple losses at the same time. We may be losing our primary companion, a source of unconditional love, a “life witness” who provides security and comfort to us, and maybe even a protégé whom we mentor like a child.
The loss of a dog seriously disrupts your daily routine, even more profoundly than the loss of most friends and relatives, and changes in lifestyle and routine are one of the primary building blocks of stress.
A recent survey of bereaved pet owners documented the common experience of misperceiving ambiguous sights and sounds as the deceased pet. This occurs most frequently shortly after the death of the pet, especially among individuals who had very high levels of attachment to their pets.
I miss my dog more than I can say, and yet, I am sure that I will put myself through this ordeal again in the years to come. I’d like to finish this essay with another stanza from the Kipling poem:
When the body that lived at your single will,
With its whimper of welcome, is stilled (how still!).
When the spirit that answered your every mood
Is gone—wherever it goes—for good,
You will discover how much you care,
And will give your heart to a dog to tear.
This guest article originally appeared on YourTango.com: When Rover Dies: Why Your Grief Over Your Dog Is So Intense.
from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2017/03/11/why-we-grieve-so-intensely-for-our-pets/
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