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rainydawgradioblog · 5 years ago

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Rainy Dawg Radio’s Best of the 2010s!

ALBUMS

Palberta - Bye Bye Berta

Palberta is a band that somehow manages to scratch almost every musical itch I have. Nowhere else have I heard a band successfully hold three part harmonies over squeaky atonal guitar riffs and abstract drum thrashing. Although I wouldn’t categorize them as twee, noise rock, post-punk, indie pop, no-wave, or any other genre name for that matter, they distill everything I love from all these types of music and mush it into something beautifully stinky. In my eyes, their 2017 album Bye Bye Berta stands as the definitive statement of what Palberta’s all about. With 20 tracks clocking in at under half an hour, the album wastes no time on filler. Skronky punk riffs burst apart at the seams and a sweet little lo-fi love song comes out of the wreckage, only to be replaced by an abstract tape sample collage. The band also has an incomparable mastery over lyricism, as evidenced by such classics as Finish My Bread (Finish my finish my finish my bread, finish my finish my finish my bread, etc…) and Trick Ya (HEY! Don’t trick me, I’m gonna trick you! HEY! Don’t trick me, I’m gonna trick you!). Highlights include the endearingly ramshackle and stupid pretty “Honey, Baby” and their cover of “Stayin’ Alive” (Jenny’s eating burgers and everybody’s shakin’ and stayin’ alive!)

- Elliott Hansen

Alex G - DSU

Shit if you know me you know I live for that sad bastard indie music. That’s exactly what DSU does best. Probably my most played record of the 2010s, this album’s lo-fi indie rock overfloweth. The opener, After Ur Gone, is on the noisier side of the album’s spectrum along with the squealing guitar of Axesteel and Icehead (peep the scream vocals in his live performances), while songs like the instrumental Skipper exemplify why Frank Ocean tapped Alex for the Self Control riff on Blonde. The emotional core of the record, Sorry, gets right back to the Elliott Smith comparisons that we know and love: lyrics of trauma, drugs and apologies included. My favorite song is Harvey; it smacks me right in the younger brother emo spot, with “run my hands through his short black hair I say / ��I love you Harvey I don’t care’”. While not as chaotic as House of Sugar, twangy as Rocket, or psychedelic as Beach Music, this record is Alex G comfort music at its finest.

- Max Bryla

Flying Lotus - Cosmogramma

Picture this: J Dilla, Madlib, and Aphex Twin all come together to create an album with little more than some old Coltrane records and an original Xbox at their disposal. The end result is like a trip through the universe. Yet the album comes from the mind of a single individual, who sits in the cockpit with a mischievous grin on his face: Steven Ellison, known professionally as Flying Lotus. The opening track, ‘Clock Catcher’, feels like Ellison slamming his foot onto the ignition so hard that it snaps out of place, shooting into the heavens at the speed of light before the listener can even strap in. Whirling through the stars, the rest of the album is the journey home from the expanse, often melancholic, often wondrous, always changing. From the punchy, off-kilter rhythms of tracks like ‘Nose Art’ and ‘Computer Face//Pure Being’ to the fat synth melodies of ‘Dance of the Pseudo Nymph’, ‘Recoiled’, and ‘Do The Astral Plane’, Flylo is always striking the listener from a different sonic vantage point. You can tell he’s having the time of his life with each of these songs, wanting to share every bit of it with our eardrums. After countless listens, I’m still finding new things about this album to appreciate. A complete masterpiece of cosmic epiphany fuel.

- Trey Marez

Ott. - Fairchildren

People throw so much music at me. And I remember this album was recommended to me back in high school, and I listened to it for the first time in zero-th period -- I think it was someone who went by the name “phryk” on IRC. And dang, it’s still such a good album! In what sense? It’s so well-mixed; that’s the first part. Secondly, it is just a wonderful listening experience from start to finish. If you need a good album of reggae, dub, electronic, here it is. One thing you shouldn’t do with this album: use it to test out speakers at Goodwill. The bass of this album was so good that I bought home a pair of speakers that turned out to be so bad.

- Koi Nil

Car Seat Headrest - Twin Fantasy

Bandcamp has been known for hosting some of our wildest dreams this decade, and when 2011 lobbed William Toledo’s first rendition of Twin Fantasy down my ears my life changed. Emotions are crushed to death in the back of parking lots, the lo-est of fi’s, and lyrics that trigger far and melancholy memories of the early 2010 zeitgeist swarmed with insecurity and Skype calls. The album is Toledo’s first cohesive piece, finally creating work with developed central themes, dedicating the first concept album of his life to falling in and consequently out of love. The album speaks as a mirror to itself, reflecting Will’s own joy and confusion towards falling conservatively and completely in love, until the sobering downward spiral back into isolation. I was only eleven when I let the album own me completely, and am only nineteen as I hold onto it for dear life. Twin Fantasy was never a perfect album, and Toledo recognized this as he re-released Twin Fantasy (Face to Face) in 2018, reinventing the album’s sound with a much higher fidelity, lyrical updates, and redone instrumentals that turn the original into an overture or prologue to be enjoyed separately for more context. Searing solos, cute doo-wop moments, sentimental lyrics, slap-happy drums, fish wearing business suits, dogs, coming out over Skype, smoking, not smoking, nice shoulders, waitresses, the Bible, the ghost of Mary Shelley’s frankenstein, cursive, they might be giant’s rip offs, not knowing SHIT about girls, stealing alcohol from our grandparents and grandparents, bruised shins, cults, fish, getting the spins, and being really really really sensitive to the sunlight. I’d fight for this album, listening to “Cute Thing” as I get RKO’d. Take the time to enjoy the ride, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. (It technically used to be a gay furry album, but now it’s techincally a straight trans furry album.)

- Cooper Houston

Sabaton - The Last Stand

Sabaton is every history teachers dream band. These Swedish power metallers educate the listener about the history of war by discussing various battles, conflicts, and figures. They do this through anthemic choruses, riffs that make your fist pump, and oddly enough synths that work surprisingly well. Since history interests me and I really like metal, Sabaton was pretty much made for me. This album will always have a soft spot in my heart and evoke fond memories as it was one of the first CDs I picked up after getting my license back in 2016. As I gained more independence and freedom as I approached adulthood, this was my soundtrack. This album lived in my CD player during this time as I listened to it over and over again, never once losing its replayability. Ranging from the American battalion that got lost in the Argonne Forest during WWI to Allied and Axis forces joining together to fight at the end of WWII, this album tells of various historical last stands. While this is certainly isn’t the best metal release of the decade, it’s still an extremely solid album. In this case, the sentimentality plays a larger role than anything. While it may not be found on any “Best Album of the Decade” lists, Sabaton’s The Last Stand will always hold a place in my heart and in my car’s CD player.

- Jack Irwin

CONCERTS

07/20/19: What the Heck? Fest @ Croatian Club, Anacortes, WA

Choosing a single favorite concert from the entire past decade seemed insurmountable until I decided to define it by the overall experience rather than exclusively the music. This past summer, I was lucky enough to be one out of barely over a hundred people at the first What the Heck? Fest in 8 years. The festival took place annually from 2001 to 2011, featuring PNW indie legends, K records icons, and all manner of dorky indie folk kids. WTH laid dormant until this past spring, when Phil Elverum (Mount Eerie) announced its return along with the revival of his long-dead initial moniker, the Microphones. I made the trip up from Seattle alone by train and bus, spent a little while wandering Anacortes (the Business was closed :( ) and made my way to the repurposed church which houses the Unknown and the Croatian Club. I ended up seated a few feet from Calvin Johnson in one direction and Kimya Dawson in another. I felt a little out of place at times, like a stranger in the middle of a 90s indie family reunion, but the atmosphere remained consistently welcoming. D+ opened the show, fronted by Bret Lunsford (formerly of Beat Happening), the founder and main organizer of WTH, and backed by Phil Elverum and Karl Blau, who played their own sets later in the night. K Records mainstays Lois and Mecca Normal were on next, delivering stripped down, socially-driven whisper punk/indie pop. Karl Blau led an outdoor sing-along and covered a Pounding Serfs song, who played the next set (their first in [a lot of?] years) for a total of two renditions of “Slightly Salted,” a song I could have listened to in every set that night. Phil hopped back onstage again alongside Lee Baggett to back Kyle Field from Little Wings, an indie-folk favorite of mine, with rambly half-nonsensical lyrics and plenty of soft strummed warm twangly guitars. Black Belt Eagle Scout delivered (comparatively) heavier sounds, coupling slow, soft sung melodies with fuzzed out shoegaze tones, building tension until the Microphones (Phil backed by Kyle, Karl, Lee and keyboardist Nicholas Krgovich) came out for the final set of the night. They opened with what I interpret as a 25-minute rendition of the then-unreleased Belief, which was later shortened to 7 and a half minutes as the opener to the new Mount Eerie record, Lost Wisdom pt. 2. Phil then played a handful of old Microphones tracks alone, including a version of The Glow pt. 2’s title track with reworked lyrics, as well as its closer, My Warm Blood, excerpts from the final Microphones album (confusingly titled Mount Eerie), and what I believe to be another unreleased song. I left with the most limited merch I’ve ever managed to snag: one of two Ziploc bags of lettuce with “the Microphones” and a small K records logo sharpied on the front. I felt bad eating my merch, but it sustained me through the cold Anacortes night as I wandered to and from poorly lit parks, killing time until my 4AM bus back to Seattle.

- Elliott Hansen

03/09/19: Clap Your Hands Say Yeah (Solo) @ Vermillion Gallery, Seattle WA

Was really not sure what to expect from this one going in, but CYHSY’s s/t from 2005 has always been one of my favorite records. I hadn’t ever been to Vermillion in Capitol Hill, but it was hosting CYHSY on a “living room tour”, where Alec Ournsworth (vox, guitar, harmonica[!]) hit tiny spaces around the country. Vermillion sat 40 at most, and I got to check out some cool local art in the space as well. Alec’s trademark voice that (according to p4k) sounds “as if someone were pressing his vocal cords to a fret board and bending them” which is pretty damn accurate. Amongst CYHSY’s greatest hits (In This Home On Ice and Cool Goddess in particular), he also covered Pixies and Tom Waits through lively and exciting banter. Great dude, great music, great venue. My favorite of the 2010’s for sure.

- Max Bryla

11/14/18: Milo @ Vera Project, Seattle, WA

Milo, and the ruby yacht house band are poetic alchemists that constantly dish out hefty servings of succulent syllables with each new release. Kenny Segal who does the beats for a few of Milo’s songs (and other hip hop artists) opened by transporting the crowd into the ethereal realm with a few classics from his album: happy little trees. Once Kenny Segal finished, Milo accompanied by the ruby yacht house band jumped on stage. I was close enough that I could make out Milo’s squirtle tattoo on his bicep and waited for his vivid and veracious vocabulary to leave me in a state of decapitation. Crispy, potato chip like static (a Milo-live signature) was consumed ferociously by the crowd as he hit us with one banger after another. About halfway through the set Milo dropped the mic and went off stage into the back room. The ruby yacht house band was left Milo-less; their beat lingering in the air, festering with each hit of the snare. Milo returned a while later, wielding a pair of tap dancing shoes in one hand and a ukulele in the other. He put on the tap dancing shoes on stage, everyone in the audience screaming with his return. Donned with the tap dancing shoes and positioning his ukulele on his chest; he began to dance. Holy shit he was good too. Strumming the uke and tap dancing away I was utterly mesmerized. My eyes glued to his performance. Suddenly, as if stricken by some divine intervention, Milo seized the ukulele by the neck and smashed it against the ground, splintering into a thousand pieces. After his destructive fit, he picked the microphone back up and whispered into it emotionlessly: “Think about that”. I did. The whole experience was transcendental and instantly triumphed as my greatest concert of the decade. You KNOW I snagged a sliver of uke on my way out.

- Rocky Schaefer

08/07/17: Metallica @ CenturyLink Field, Seattle, WA

While Metallica has had its ups and downs throughout their career, they do one thing well, and that is putting on a damn good live show. Metallica built the best line-up I have ever seen, given the popularity of the bands they chose. With them they took Avenged Sevenfold, who I greatly dislike but are still a huge band, and Gojira, one of the best modern death metal bands on the scene. The sheer size of this concert was absolutely and extremely inspiring as Metallica was able to fill up CenturyLink Field, a venue usually reserved for pop artists who draw in thousands of attendees. The amount of people that attended signaled to me that metal is far from dead. While this tour was in support of their newest album Hardwired to Self Destruct, Metallica made sure to incorporate classics into their setlist including “Seek and Destroy,” “For Whom the Bell Tolls,” and “Battery.” James, Robert, Kirk, and Lars delivered a killer concert will tight playing and outstanding individual performances. Being able to see my music hero, James Hetfield, play live was truly a special experience. The one thing that stood out during the performance were the visuals. Each song had a unique and individual video effect on the large screens behind the band which made each song special and memorable it its own way. While I wasn’t close to the stage by any means, the crowd interaction created a unique experience that made me feel much closer than I really was. This concert wasn’t just a concert, but also a life-changing experience. Seeing the band that truly got me into metal, the thing that I rest my individuality on, is something that defined the decade for me and will live with me forever.

- Jack Irwin

SONGS

“You Are Here” - Yo La Tengo

This one I don't think I can fully explain. By miles, this is my most played song of all time. It is the opener of Yo La Tengo’s 15th album, There’s A Riot Going On. The album, and song, starts with the meditative synth line that builds into a pulsing rhythm over the course of the first minute. The rhythm maintains through the rest of the song, as casual guitar strumming is added and another synth that doesn’t sound all that dissimilar to Jonny Greenwood’s Ondes Martenot. My favorite part of the song, though, are the drum fills of the latter half: they crash and roll like the ocean. With or without the title of the song, the audio conveys a degree of presentness and contentedness that I haven’t been able to find elsewhere quite yet. I’d recommend it.

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cortexifansquint · 6 years ago

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matching pairings & annotations under the cut!

Youtube (x) Spotify ( x)

Buffy / Cordelia / Willow

* Cloud 69 // Lowell

I'm like dynamite / need a cheerleader / let me throw you down / while I look at her / I'm like "Oh my god / I think I need a girlfriend"

* Crazy // Au Revoir Simone

you knew me, wanna love to lose and to lose again / seems we're either giving up or giving in / but, uh, you girls, you drive me crazy

Willow / Tara

* There’s a Girl // The Ditty Bops

there's a girl that you might know / she's a friend at least I tell you so / but it might surprise you to find / there's something going on behind the door

* Horizon // Luna Blake

you tower over me / you are sky and I am sea

* Truthfully // Lisa Loeb

truthfully, I really can't explain / I'm floating, I'm smiling again

* Room // Palehound

she comes over / growing like a clover / in my room / in my room

* Sugar in a Pie // Erin McKeown

love me sweet like a sugar in a pie / kiss me deep with a dreamy little sigh

Faith / Buffy

* Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover // Sophie B. Hawkins

that old dog has chained you up, alright / give you everything you need to live inside a twisted cage / sleep beside an empty rage / I had a dream I was your hero

* Hologram // Katie Herzig

I'm gonna let you down / gonna toss you around / gonna make you want everything you haven't found / I'm gonna hold your hand / then ask you to stand / ten feet away

* Buy her Candy

she's a famous / she's the best / I cannot lay / my heart to rest / she is selfish / she is kind / no one can say / she is mine

* Nights with you // MO

I'll take you out tonight / leave it all at home / don't care about your boyfriend waking up alone

* Portions for Foxes// Rilo Kiley

'cause you're just damage control, for a walking corpse like me, like you (S6 Fuffy edition)

* Last 2nd Chance // Vaughan Penn

this is the last second chance I’ll ever need / this is the last time you’ll hear sorry from me

Buffy / Cordelia-

* More like you // Hazel English

I could waste all of my time / thinking up ways to catch your eye / and I tried but it just didn’t feel right / and besides I'm just trying to get by

* She // Dodie

and I'll be okay admiring from afar / cause even when she's next to me / we could not be more far apart (late S1 - mid S2 coffy, either pov)

* Can’t / Naaz

in my mind / I can be what we choose / but in life / we can't stand in those shoes

* Midway // Bad Bad Hats

the shadows you were casting nearly swallowed the night / but god, I could have kissed you (I imagine this as the night Cordelia drops Buffy home in Helpless or sometime in mid-late S3)

* Touch // Shura

I wanna touch you but I'm too late / I wanna touch you but there's history / I can't believe that it's been three years / now when I see you, it's so bittersweet (if either had showed up in L.A or Sunnydale after Buffy was resurrected)

Tara / Buffy

* If I Could // Sophie Zelmani

If I could help you with / this part of life you've got to live / you could load your weight on me

* Our Eyes // Lucy Rose

I'm alive / I feel it now / I never knew I'll find it on you / out of line we got ourselves / in a look, wait we are not fine / wait, you are not mine

* Wire // Alessi Ark

I'm tired of walking this wire / it keeps me awake for heaven sake / I was made for this girl / I feel lonely / my friends don't seem to know me / like i thought they did

Willow / Cordelia

* Upper West Side // King Princess

I can't stop judging every thing you do / but I can't get enough of you

* Then If I’m Weird I Want to Share // Tender Forever

people told me / that you're too sexy / you're too sexy for me / but actually I just don't care / I think it's bullshit everywhere

Buffy / Willow

* Loners // Maddie Ross

one night alone in the bookstacks / summer to make all the kids sad / next fall we're back in the corner / nice girls love kissing the loners

* Ray of Sunshine // Go Sailor

yellow hair, fiery stare / nothing's right, 'cause she's not here tonight

* Explosion // Zolita

it's a mindless love affair / one hot mess of bleach blonde hair / I could kiss her but your lips taste better / you could kiss him but my words are sweeter

* Sweet Moon // Sundarta

when the world is big and I’m alone / I call you and I am home

Faith / Tara

* Will You Be My Girlfriend // Alanis Morissette

I guess I fall and you stay intact is that right? I guess you hear me and won't attack me, is that right? guess I reach out and you reach back, is that right?

* Not gonna Get Us // T.at.u

soon there will be laughter and voices / beyond the clouds over the mountains / we'll run away on roads that are empty / lights from the airfield shining upon you (teenage runaway mehane)

* Love you Anyway // Jil Nisson & Marlene

I know what you've been getting / coz I sure got it too / don't, don't you forget it / the damage they do

* Walk The Line // Halsey

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine / I keep my eyes wide open all the time / I keep the ends out for the tie that binds / because you're mine, I walk the line

Willow / Amy

* Wherever We Are // Human Life

after the day we're chasing the sun / farther away the faster we run / feet on the ground our head in the stars / finding the sound wherever we are

* When We’re High // LP

let’s swallow the moon and the stars / let’s wallow just right where we are

Amy / Faith

* Whiskey & Black Leather // Sapphic Lasers

some they want a girl next door / but that ain't what I'm looking for / I first saw your lips across the room / red like a blood moon

* Her Lover // Ally & Stevie

she is like a cat in the dark / and then she is the darkness

* High Enough // K Flay

don’t try to give me cold water / I don’t wanna sober up / all I see are tomorrows / oh, the stars were made for us

Cordelia / Anya

* Only a Girl // Gia

soft touch, warm skin / nothing like my ex-man / slowly falling, I don't want my next man

* I Don’t Do Boys // Elektra

I don't do boys, I just do girls / just do girls with style and class / I don't do boys, I just do girls / just do girls with kissable ass

Fuffy / Radison

* One More // Elliphant

stay with me tonight / we can count the street lights / stay with me alright let's bring it all back to life (bad girls & smashed shennanigans)

Dark Willow / Anyanka + Darla / Drusilla + Lilah / Cordelia (Jasmine possessed version)

* Glory & Gore // Lorde

delicate in every way but one, / God knows we like archaic kinds of fun / chance is the only game I play with / baby, we let our battles choose us

“ Your Lips are Red // St. Vincent

this city's red / this city's red from riding us into the ground / this city's black / this city's black from all the ashes in downtown

Willow / Anya

* Wishful Thinking // The Ditty Bops

when the cold and lonely hours put your heart to the test / maybe I'll be the one that you like best (S7 Rosekins)

* The Happy Song // Kate Miccuci

'cause isn't it nice to have the friends that you do? / and isn't it nice that the sky is so blue? / and isn't it nice to say "I love you"? (the cheery & matter -of-factly style of this song reminds me of anya)

Faith / Willow

* So-Called Str8 Grrrl // Gina Young

I think you want me / you know you want me / so why do you talk shit about me

* She’s so Lovely // The Butchies

she's a rocker dressed like a killer / she's got lips like wine not sugar

* Sum of your parts // Mary Lambert

I didn't know I was a phoenix till I learned how to speak / even with ashes in my mouth I was still born to breath / I wonder are you like me

* All I Want is To Be Your Girl // Holly Miranda

Well there's ghosts in the night and ghosts in my mind / and if we quit changing we'll be left behind / but I won't take another chance of screwing it up / so I stay where I am / but all I want is to be your girl

Buffy / Satsu

* Cliff’s Edge // Hayley Kiyoko

you turn me on / you lead me on / you got me on / a cliff's edge (satsu’s pov)

* One Night // Charlie XCX

you are somethin’ special / twenty carats, solid gold / what we had was precious / but I had to let you go

Cordelia / Lilah

* Short Skirt, Long Jacket // Larkin Poe

I want a girl with a mind like a diamond / I want a girl who knows what's best I want a girl with shoes that cut / and eyes that burn like cigarettes

Fuffy + Willow / Kennedy

* We Might be Dead by Tomorrow // Soko

give me all your love / ‘cause for all we know / we might be dead by tomorrow

Kendra / Buffy

* Eleventeen // Kimya Dawson

you may feel strange, well, you are an angel / stuck in tight pants stuck at a high school dance / stuck doing people things not knowing you have wings

* Supergirl // Anna Naklab

you can see in her eyes / that no one is her chain / she's my girl / my supergirl

Cordelia / Faith

* Can I Say Baby // GIRLI

can I say baby? / I don't wanna be soppy / but I like your style / think you're kinda cool / I'm sort of into you

* Rebel Girl // Bikini Kill

rebel girl rebel girl / I think I want to take you home / I want to try on your clothes

* Flowers and Rope // Princess Nokia

voices in my head, monsters under my bed / I'm alone again, I lost all my friends / wanna play pretend? hope this never ends

Fred / Faith

* Whiskey // Nicole Reynolds

you accept that i talk too much / i accept that you talk too little / but it's fine / i like a good riddle

In the Margins // Ani Difranco

you are a rare bird / the kind i wouldn't even mind / writing in the margins of my books

Willow / Kennedy

* Pretty Girl // Hayley Kiyoko

I can tell you’re real smart / world class piece of art / I can see you in the dark / all we have to do is start

* Let it Go // Allie Moss

darlin' you see / the fear in me / and how I'd finally be / if I were willing to let it go

Buffy / Anne

* Annonymous Club // Courtney Barnett

let's start an anonymous club / I'll make us name badges with question marks

* Hideaway // IVY

under stars and satellites / a thousand miles / from where we've been

Willow/Fred + Buffy/Tara

* I Was Made for Sunny Days // The Weepies

I was made for sunny days / and I was made for you

Faith / Kennedy

* Crimson and Clover // Joan Jett & the Blackhearts

ah, now I don't hardly know her / but I think I can love her

“ Honey // Kehlani

I like my girls just like I like my honey; sweet / a little selfish

Cordelia / Fred

* Genius // The Murmurs

she's kinda weird / she's kinda freaky / but I don't know / I think she's a genius

* There she goes // Sixpence None the Richer

there she goes / there she goes again / racing through my brain / and I just can't contain / this feeling that remains

#BTVS #btvsedit #mine #btvsfemslash #click to expand #lmao this has been in my drafts for 2 years #but I kept coming across more music #and trying to find a fit for the really rare pairs #my personal ships are completely obvious as they have nearly a playlist of their own

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stubbcrnwcman-blog · 7 years ago

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5 AESTHETICS CHALLENGE.

REPOST DON’T REBLOG.

EMOTIONS / FEELINGS :

i. Love ii. Maternal Instinct (Is that an emotion?) iii. Misery iv. Comfort/Warmth v. Stressed

COLORS :

i. Autumn Orange ii. Crimson Red iii. Midnight Blue iv. Chocolate Brown v. Ebony Black

CLOTHING :

i. Red sweater, with a black sleeveless vest overtop. ii. A dark blue overcoat, adorned with gold stars on the collar. iii. An oversized Slocum Joe’s shirt, paired with soft pajama pants decorated with blue hearts. iv. A red flannel and blue jeans. v. A black overcoat with a silver scarf and black fedora.

OBJECTS :

i. A wedding ring. ii. A necklace with a wooden cross. iii. An explosive shotgun, lovingly cared for and modified. Carved into it the words ‘A Good Kick in the Ass’. iv. A bottle of Nuka Cola Quantum v. Eyeliner and mascara, both recently used.

VICES / BAD HABITS :

i. Willfull stubborness. ii. Naive kindness. iii. Daytripper. iv. Drinking. v. Bottling it all up.

BODY LANGUAGE :

i. Piercing gaze, a determined expression. ii. Swift feet, sprinting between buildings. iii. Fingers touching her face.. cheek, chin, back of head. iv. Swinging hips and shifting feet, dancing. v. Hands clasped together in prayer

AESTHETICS :

i. The mournful rain falling from the sky, with a low roar in the distance as lightning strikes far off. Not dumping water in buckets, but certainly no drizzle. Autumn leaves get blown in the whipping wind and up into the clouds. ii. Flickering candle light, the only visible sight among a pot upon a stove. Soft hands stir the alluring mixture inside that smells of sweetness and reminds most of winter. Mugs with a jolly, large bearded man and of dancing reindeer sit nearby. The cocoa is almost ready, and the mother lets out a hum as she pours the drink into the cups. iii. Darkened skies among an illuminated city, hands lie on the railing as the sea air combs through red strands. The water splashes against the bow as the boat cruises across the river. Sky and ocean blending together with both the stars and city lights. It’s a field of gleaming gems. iv. Pine trees sing their rustling song among the cackling fire, cross-legged men and women surround the flame. Heads are in laps, and a set of hands strums a guitar. Birds chirp and horses trot along with their carts. v. A hurricane on the outside and the inside, branches harshly bang against the window. The body lie still, unmoving aside from the rise and fall of the sheets. 1:00 pm. Missing work, missing plans, not because it’s too difficult to face the world- but to face the mirror. To take a shower and pull on clothes. Its an impossible feet, and she lays between sheets with sunken, damp eyes.

SONGS :

i. Kimya Dawson - My Mom / Have you ever had a dream that your favorite baby’s drowning? / Suddenly a flood comes out his mouth til’ there is nothing left inside of him, he’s empty now- there isn’t even one small breath. And he goes limp in your arms../ All the people’s mouths are moving, all you hear are car alarms- and you wake up and start to cry / I will lose my shit if even one more person I know dies, so please don’t die.. ii. Porter Robinson - Sad Machine / A hundred leaders would be borne of you../ Since you’ve awakend her again, she depends on you / We depend on you / The fleeting sense of love within these God forsaken Halls / This girl who slept a hundred years has something afterall iii. Fall Out Boy - Centuries / Some legends are told, some turn to dust or to gold- but you will remember me, remember me for centuries / We’ll go down in history / Cause I am the opposite of amnesia / You look so pretty but you’re gone so soon / We’ve been here forever iv. Dumbo - Baby Mine / Rest your head close to my heart, never to part- baby of mine / Little one when you play, don’t you mind what they say- let those eyes sparkle and shine / From your head to your toes (baby mine), you’re so sweet, goodness now (baby mine) / You are so precious to me, cute as can be, baby of mine../ Baby mine.. v. Billie Eilish - Fingers Crossed In the end, when they’re all gone / When the world is silent and the days are long.. / We made it on our own / Cause everybody makes til they don’t, and everybody wants to think they won’t.. / Baby I’m still alive / Are you okay? / You seem too far gone.. / The best of me, the best of me- is you. / The best of me, the best of me- was you.

TAGGED BY : Stole it from @sanctamater! TAGGING : @nvalcntine , @gvtshct , @ofsynths, @mxnkindredefined and anyone else who wants to do this!

#[ OOC: |Memes| ]#[ OOC: |Headcanons| ]#((You guys don't have to but I'd love to see yours!!))

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taakitz · 8 years ago

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i just have. some thoughts that i really really want to get down. i’m not super duper upset or anything like that, i just need to Put My Thoughts somewhere.

ive only seen/heard my dad cry twice in my life, that i can recall: when he called to tell us that she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and right after she died. he probably cried at the funeral too, i can’t remember..

a small thing that might sound somewhat poetic: in our old house, my mom kept rose bushes in our front yard for literally the entire 12, almost 13 years i had her in my life. (roses were her favorite flower, that’s why my birth middle name was rose.) we were the first house you would see when you turned into the neighborhood, and our neighbors joked that our front yard set the standard too high for the rest of the neighborhood, like, bc it was so pretty yknow??? but after we sold the house and moved out, the people who moved in didn’t (and still don’t, to my knowledge) take care of the yard at all. there are weeds everywhere. now the neighbors, instead of being impressed/jealous of our old house’s front yard, hate it. that’s… really sad. like when my mom left, her beautiful yard, her trademark, left too????? idk. it makes sense that would happen. but it saddens me.

her and i had a Disconnect of sorts bc i was an angsty preteen in the year or two proceeding her death. a moment that really solidified that i think was the day after i cut my hair short in 6th grade. before then she would comb my hair and put it into a ponytail every morning before school, which is kind of laughable bc i was 11 and i should have been able to do it myself, i know, i was kind of a big baby. (still am. it’s okay though.) but the day after my hair was cut pixie length, she got out the comb to do my hair and then. she realized there was nothing to do! and then. yeah. there was a moment that happened there.

she died because of breast cancer + some kind of cancer in the lining of her brain. you know the song “my mom” by kimya dawson? That’s Me??? That’s. Yeah. That’s This. That’s Me.

“The human body’s made up of good and bad bacteria But the antibiotics and the antibacterials are killing all the good ones And the bad ones just get stronger and become super infections It’s harder to destroy them and it’s harder to detect them And there’s something in her blood, and there’s something in her leg, And there’s something in her brain…” + the entire chorus. haha fuck!

i used to use my parents’ bathroom (like, the master bathroom) instead of the other bathroom in the house because well. my older brothers used the other one. and it just became a thing i guess? so anyways, my mom had a big machine to help her breathe in the bathroom, and it made a loud noise (one i can’t describe) constantly, so every time i went in there i heard that noise. then for months after she died i couldn’t be in the bathroom without the bathroom fan thing being on because i needed that background noise????? which like. it’s logical that that happened. but it’s still. kind of sad. (i still very much like the background noise when i’m in the bathroom, i just don’t Need it as much.)

after she died, my dad came to my room to tell me. he was crying. he said “your mother just passed away” and his voice cracked at least twice and i asked him, “what do i do now?” and he said something like “continue with your life.” and. yeah. ive been doing that.

i played pokemon at her funeral. lmao.

at her funeral, during the actual service, a letter was read out loud, a letter she had written to me. i cried. i think about that letter a lot?

i heard once that after someone close to you dies you start to think really black and whitely about them, yknow? you either hate them or you idolize them. i.. try not to do that.

ive made a post about this before, but there’s a quote from the end of the game oxenfree: “It’s funny. What happened on the island used to pop into my head every single day. And then every other day. And then a week went by, and I realized I hadn’t thought about it at all.” <<<< THATS WHAT ITS LIKE TO LOSE SOMEONe. at least for me it is. at least for me. like last year i didn’t even remember it was the anniversary of her death..

she died december 10th 2013 in case u were wondering.

i might change my mind about this but you know that letter i mentioned? i want to take that and get some part of it tattooed on me when i’m older. a small part. maybe.

my mom wanted a perfect daughter. she wanted a little girl to call her own. instead she got me, a trans boy. how about that?????

my mom doesn’t know my real name. she never will. it’s better that way, i think.

i never told her i loved her before she died. that’s fucking depressing??

i don’t need any condolences or anything, legit i don’t, but if you want to send them my way anyways to ease your conscience, that’s 100% fine! again i just. needed to put my feelings and memories and thoughts out somewhere. like, it’s mother’s day, so yknow. you know.

like this post if u read it, please. id just like to know! i. yeah. thanks. (also as a note: this is a scheduled post cause i wanted to post it At Night (at least in my time zone it's night) so i didn't bum anyone's days out. yeah. hopefully i'm asleep when this goes up! i wish myself sweet dreams..)

#DONT REBLOG.#death mention ////#mother mention //////#cancer mention //////#long post //#uhh ask to tag #boy do i LOVE oversharing

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