#I started DDLC!!!! I’m dying inside

[anatomically-accurate-heart]

just found out about the game anyway who up mouthhwashing rn

[freckled-lili]

So some of you may be trying not to remember that I did a silly, cingey playthrough that I called Sou Doki Doki!, where I was playing Doki Doki Literature Club and named the MC after Sou Hiyori, then for the rest of the VN acted out as Sou. It wasn’t very good.

But anyway.

During Act 2 of the VN I had also wrote a poem and uploaded it into three parts (mostly because the poem ended up being a lot longer than I had originally intended). But I had also encrypted the poems in different codes (Base64, Binary ... I think the last was UCode or something?), because that was gimmick DDLC also did with some of their easter eggs - hide extra poems or additional content through encryption.

After some thought, I’ve finally decided to upload all three parts in normal text for anyone who was curious about what was going on with those poems. I will admit it’s not that great, but I worked really hard on the poem so I’m satisfied with how it came out.

*skateboards out*

The Man with the Glass Smile

 Part 1

Today I was invited to a game

When I arrived, there were only

Two holes

They fit perfectly for my eyes

They must have been made

For me

They said

“Look inside me”

So I peered inside

Not all things can be ignored

Inside were rivers

All rushing and struggling

To move forward

To steer their own course

Fleeing nonsensically,

A world full of tangled possibilities

But all rivers lead to

The bottomless ocean

You can’t change nature

You can’t change the threads of fate

I stumbled back

The two holes said,

“I’m sorry

Did you think that all life

Was equal in this game?

You are all nothing but

Numbers on a page

And you and I

Are the most insignificant

Of them all”

I fell to my knees

tried to scream

But

I was choking

A million beats

threatening to erupt from

my throat

Tiny frogs

trying to swim up

a waterfall

Something was dribbling

from my lips

I covered my mouth

But soon it was lea

king

from the cracks of my pale fingers

Excreting from my body

was ink and glass

It splattered over

the floor below me

A black, cracked pond that reflected

Nothing

Least of all myself

The pond grew tall

Morphed and twitched into

A figure

He had a smile made of glass

He was someone I should know

A memory shoved in the back

Or a piece of my soul I barely knew

The man with the glass smile said

“I’m sorry

You should never have been sent

To the front lines

I am not your savior

I will be the one

To walk out of this game

For you

All you have to do

Is stay inside”

I wish I could I say

I refused countless times

It’s hard to remain crystal clear

When the mind is

crac k ing

I rested my head down on his shoulders

Held him like a tired child

He carried me in his arms

Ink stained my skin

Shards pricked my flesh

There is no flawless future

So I buried myself

In the ink and shards

We held each other close

We conducted our discordant lullaby

“We/I can(‘t) keep the pieces together

We/I can(‘t) keep the pieces together

We/I can(‘t) keep the pieces together

We/I can(‘t) keep the pieces together”

I close my eyes

I will sleep

Until the poem is finished…

Part 2

…but I couldn’t sleep

There were voices

From outside

It was so cramped here

It was made for me after all

Is survival supposed to feel so

Lonely?

I saw two holes along the walls

They fit perfectly for my eyes

My isolation enticed me to peek

Not all things will be ignored

Outside there were eyes

They were upset about something

Seething, glaring, squinting

Their pupils dilating with hunger

For demise

My demise

They drew in close

They said,

“Soon

Soon

Soon it will be

Your turn to die

Soon”

Distressed, I looked down at

Myself

But I was no longer mine

I belonged to the man with the glass smile

That was the deal

With my mouth

We bared cracked grins

With my voice,

We crafted lies to conceal me

With my hands

We passed the skull to another

With their lives,

We moved forward

With his way,

My hands are crimson

It hurts

Is this really survival?

I pleaded

“It wasn’t me!

I’m sorry, it wasn’t me!”

But my mouth

Wasn’t mine anymore

The man with the glass smile

Stroked my cheek with jagged hands

Wet with inky tears

He said,

“I’m sorry

Did you think this was going to be easy?

We’re only doing this

Because you can’t

They’re only numbers on a page

All frantically adding and subtracting each other

Are you really weeping for numbers?

Don’t forget

Yours the most insignificant

Of them all”

He drew me away from the holes

We whispered out lullaby

“We/I can(‘t) keep the pieces together

We/I can(‘t) keep the pieces together

We/I can(‘t) keep the pieces together

We/I can(‘t) keep the pieces together”

Inside I tried to sleep

The poem will be over soon.

But I couldn’t think about verses

Only numbers

They’re just supposed to be numbers

Why does it hurt

When one is taken out of the equation?

It doesn’t matter

How many times it gets better

1000 x 0 = 0

All rivers lead to the bottomless ocean

The voices our louder

Swarming, twisting, writhing,

I can’t breath

Has anyone drowned in sound before?

This can’t be survival

I need to get out

So I start scratching

Fingernails rakING violently around me

A revolting

cac

O

PHO

ny

Of voices and s////cr\\\\a////tche\\\\s

Soon my nails are stuffed with pulp

Like a FATTENED cherry pie

I keep s////cr\\\\atchi////ng\\\\

I//// ke\\\\ep sc////rat\\\\ching

S ////c r A \\\\ t C H I n //// g gggggggggggg \\\\

The man with the glass smile

Peels me away from the walls

Shards pierce my skull

Ink stinging my cuts

He said

“I’m sorry

But you knew

You could never survive this game

That’s why I’m at the front lines

There are no saviors

There are no heroes

There is only surviving

You can’t really die on the inside”

We struggled

We scrEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEamed

at each other

“We/I CAN(‘t) keep the pieces together!

We/I can(‘T) keep the pieces together!

We/I CAN(‘t) keep the pieces together!

We/I can(‘T) KEEP THE PIECES TOGETHER!”

He went back outside

I kept sc////rat\\\\c////hin\\\\g inside

This is not survival

I want this poem to end

I hate how it’s coming out

I keep scr////at\\\\c////hi\\\\ng …

Part 3

…but it was all meaningless

I always knew

If there really was no chance

Then I wish I was taken out of the equation

Before I put together a glass smile

There were two holes

They fit perfectly for my eyes

I crawled towards them

And took another peek

There are some things you won’t ignore

Outside there were eyes

They were upset about something

Seething, glaring, squinting

All hungry for demise

My demise

I’m sorry

In the distance

There was a silhouette

Faint as a ghost

They fluttered towards me

Softly

A cherry blossom in the wind

Their little hands poked through the holes

I held them by their fingertips

Tried not to stain them with ink

(Or was it blood?

I can’t tell anymore

It all looks the same now)

They didn’t seem to mind

I forgot what gentleness felt like

Behind me

A cacophony of voices and scratches

In front of me

The hushing breath

Of a meadow’s breeze

They swept away

The madness of sound

I forgot what tenderness sounded like

Did you ever think

That a ghost would bring life?

I forgot what that was

I wasn’t living

I was simply not dying

I always had my head down

Trying to keep the pieces together

I was always struggling

To remain afloat in the rushing river

With one faint touch

I looked up and remembered

To bathed in the sunbeams

With one faint touch

I felt a little more grounded

And finally touched the sky

The air felt so clean and clear

I breathed again.

They asked me

“Have you ever met someone

Who became a ghost before they died?

I am a ghost for someone I lost

Just like you

Who you lost, I don’t know

You and I are simply flickering in life

Maybe I can save you

What little light I have left

I want you to have

So you may be your own light again

If I have to fade

I’m ready for that”

They let go

They fluttered away

But not to join the wind

A cherry blossom adrift

On the ocean’s surface

Ready to sink

Did you keep my head up

So I could watch you go

And never come back?

The man with the glass smile asked,

“Are you really weeping for numbers?

It’s just another subtraction

That’s how the game goes

Remember

You’re the most insignificant

Of them all

Subtracting you won’t save anyone”

Enough

My fingers flew up

Smashed the glass smile

From my face

I reached out

I already lost myself

Please!

Don’t let me lose them too!

Please!

But the two holes were too small

So I start scratching again

Dug my nails along the edges of the holes

Spread them open

I leap out

All rivers lead to the bottomless ocean

I reach out

With the last of my strength

I held up the flickering ghost

With my last breath

I blew them back into the wind

And they fluttered away once more

There are saviors here

But that savior wasn’t me

Under the surface of the ocean

I gazed up towards the reflection

Of the man who once had a glass smile

I said,

“I’m not sorry

I can’t live being made of glass

You and I

Could never keep the pieces together

Instead you just picked off

the shards from my broken body

Laid them down

For someone to bleed on

How can I walk out of this game

If you keep taking me apart

And leave me behind?

The person I lost was me

You were never really surviving

Just writing a long-winded poem

Hoping you would never have to

Finish it”

The final word

Was mine

I’m reaching the end of this poem

I never felt so happy

I sunk into the cradle of the ocean

Silence never sounded so beautiful

I smile

I sink

I live

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