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carndriverrecords · 5 years ago

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First Blog Post 3/20/20

Started CnD Records today. Feels Good.

Working on some diss tracks. Not sure if they see it coming - doesn’t matter either way.

Planning to release Car and Driver first real record this Friday 3/20/20. Driving Test Driver Fest 1.

Self release first record - another 20 tracks next week. Compile top 10 - 15 for first release with other label - thinking Terrible, Kranky, blu ish label or Thrill Jockey. Citrus City a no-go for now. Maybe just keep building CnD records.

Be the middle man - take advantage of opportunities without sacrificing my bands’ (and those I represent) integrity.

Reach sleep destroyer.

Last night at Ted’s - great DJ set. Kidz bop remixes, Fancy. Crowd hated it. Ted disappointed we had to leave but it’s ok with everyone. Tall guy took aux right out of computer, have video. Started dancing - cucked everyone. Everyone thinks they’re the crazy charismatic guy. Am I actually? I think so. Syd thinks so.

CnD Fest 2 , 3 , 4 at Purchase and beyond. Would like to play apartments, Scully’s den in BK (reach out) and Philly, DC etc.

Next voice memo album - 20 - 25 tracks right now. Better than the first. Danny said best album ever.

Working on “My oh Maia Reason Why” video - my favorite video I’ve ever seen. Getting good feedback.

Important to collab with certain SUNY people before I go:

Members of Lip Critic, Dawson, Neal, Gabe.

Send stuff back and forth with Joseph Kress.

Need to write song about not sharing a stage w unstable Car and Driver - cost me 2 gigs. Ok because I had the police interaction that night.

Things have been working out quite well. Syd is keeping me in check. Main priorities are keep the energy going while I can and make sure everyone around me is comfortable with me doing my thing, specifically mom, sofia.

Going to Only Angels tomorrow to collab with Alex.

Tues/Wed in RI with Zach Gorton. Need to see Nick Holcomb, Sofia, Will Orchard if he’s around. Riley in Boston? Would love to.

Visit Dad soon on the way to Richmond, in a few weeks perhaps. Grandma Roberta etc. They have a BBQ place now - I bet it’s great.

Follow up in the morning (3 hours from now) with wedding band, Kevin Daniels, drummer etc.

Film sunrise sessions at Purchase: My Ride’s Here, Splendid Isolation, Keep me in your heart, Studebaker, Cat’s in the Cradle, Everybody that you know. Don’t think twice, Boots of Spanish Leather, Someday my Prince, Teenage Dirtbag, Arthur (Woof Woof), Forget You, Signed Sealed Delivered, Superstition, The Promise, Hold me now (TT), Love on Top, Townes Van Zandt, 1-800 superstar, Evan Wright, Tom Petty, Blinded By the Light, Searching for a Heart, Mag Field’s, Barenaked Ladies, TMBG, Dolly Parton one sided love, Byrds, Beatles, Kinks, Stones, Parquet Courts, T Swift (Red, Way I loved you), Mitski, Sasami, Anything Could Happen, Beach House, He Needs Me, These Days, YLT, Beach Boys, Big Star Take Care, G500/Luna, Felt, Psychic TV, Shelia, BJM, Yellow Sarong, Over and Over, Hazel St, Heatherwood, Helicopter, He Would’ve Laughted, I wanna be your lover, The pump, Good enough (sleep destroyer), Them airs, BH (14, indian summer), help me scrape mucus off my brain), Beach Comber, DO YOUR THING, Icehead, Bobby, 1000 times, WIll Orchard, Bon Iver, MGMT, Tame impala, Instant Crush, etc. Art Vandelay, Quick Canal, Stereolab, Grouper, Broadcast, Animal Collective, Panda Bear, Bachelor Kisses, Cranberries, Cure, Pastels, MBV, I found a reason, pale blue eyes, Deerhoof, Gretel Alex G, Dancing w tears in my eyes, Elvis Costello, No age(things i did), Are ya ok, Maus, Ariel, R Stevie, Aphex Twin, Zomes, Vampire Weekend etc.

Bring Laptop for Beats on some and lyrics for all.

Love life more than ever before. Music feels so good. Want to help, make amends, everything that moondog did. Don’t be homeless much longer.

Not sure if I like throbbing gristle - definitely like Psychic TV.

How savage should diss tracks be? Very? Match the severity of the person’s treatment of me/others. Aka - pretty bad for all except for Auto.

Listened to new Kanye today - 10x better and more influential than death grips.

Realized today that i’ve spent my whole life wishing I was Kanye and now I am Kanye. Feels very good.

Everyone is gifted but internet makes us angst.

I am mostly Camus right now - maybe more Kierkegaard soon. Religion and Terrence Malik. Still need to read books.

Order of Books: The graduate Portrait of the artist Consider Lobster Infinite Jest Pynchon Ulysses (At recommendation of American gamer association)

Syd is incredibly gifted. Want to help her feel comfortable doing art/work here in the chaos but also sort out the chaos for both of ours’ sake. I thrive in it, she tolerates well. Want to move to Riverdale still, maybe East Williamsburg with Backpack Chris. We’ll see about money. Philly perhaps, little too far. Jersey is good location but bad commute. Bad to RI.

Visit RI and Boston Tues - Thurs. Sell Cigarettes at Concerts. Feels right.

Keep smoking for now - quit end of summer perhaps.

Don’t have Corona Virus - glad we are not quarantined. Still be smart. Don’t expose mom regardless. Protect at ALL costs.

Really though, why does Journee hate me? Write new track (Journee into forever nevermore not now not ever (Lou)) or Journee into SJW self righteous moral posturing (way too savage - maybe voice memo outro)

AR Kane album is incredible. Syd loves too. Sample everything.

Crazy - sound better at jazz than ever in my life. Exploring harmony - never practice. Teach free lessons all the time. Love the diminished scale. Might be best jazz guitarist to ever live. Time will tell. Would be cool long term. Prefer singing.

Getting good at piano too.

I’m my favorite lyricist/comedian/actor.

Is maia right, acting isn’t hard? Weird they can’t act.

^Remember to delete^

Don’t share this on Facebook yet.

Why does Journee hate me so much? Just the Louis CK joke?

People who stay home and do nothing hate to see irreverent people doing things.

People like when you’re losing - don’t like to see you win.

^That makes me sound crazy.

F00D outsider might make me famous first.

Need to keep up with legal situation.

Hope mom and dad both live long. Call Syd, get something nice for everyone in family. Get weird jewel cases. Order jewelry from etsy. Post merch on bandcamp.

Finish album art soon. Music videos. Get better at animation etc. Pay Ben for his poster. Actually really good. Maybe album art? Duo album! Record in Wisconsin, release under his name. WIll success be good for Ben? I think so. Still can’t believe Liv told him I wasn’t ok. Wow - good content for lyrics. You truly cannot write this.

How will people react to diss tracks? Extremely negatively. Or no reaction. We shall see. Maybe no real names in the titles...... only on Oh my. 4 names in titles is too many. Don’t release Auto track. Maybe on Voice Memos.

Track List: Good God Bed Head Rosa Reprise Oh My House Pop 1 skydive Pop 2 APhex GVO Pay 4 Take some Cherish Stars in F Are ya ok too bright Honeys Get to work Everybody That You Know Frost Bit BPC NYC New Age Heimet Helmet Deadbeat dads watermill for slitting bars romantic song david byrne Cinema study in cinema Brain ego Cherry doc marten Can’t liv w/o Venmo groceries Oh you like? Dancin DJ blues We are the State Farm robots Danny dorito is a dirty devito My funny valentine Zoomer blues The thing abt genres Blss Like minds ft dawson Lil toucha jazz Introducing car and driver The holy moment empire Ethics 101 - gma in the street Otto is sad I don’t know what it means! Operatic mellismatic Car and driver fest will be a success! Car and driver fest was a bust again! Cipha’s comedy corner Ryder Be gone evil atonal spirits!

Unreleased mental breakdown compilation ep:

I like all music! I’m a stupid pos Electric micro bike Get off your phone! John frusc Nice song Lap steel for 2 My masseuse advice Bed head wash sq Punchie John Maus yoyo interview Diminished kinda thing

Build the NYC scene, w Blu ish, Evan, 1 800, sweet joseph, Comics Club, Dawson, Sloppy Jane, Wheatus,

See Jack Fortin in NYC soon. Either my event or his.

Things are still good. Syd will be a great filmmaker. WIll maybe will end up with a dancer or a filmmaker - Probably not a musician. WIll have many loves.

Things are good right now - hope they stay that way.

Feel like Ezra Keonig - hopefully someone reads this one day and agrees. Different time in history and the internet - hope this is less cringe than Ezra’s blog , probably not. Ezra, if you’re reading this, sorry. See ya at Bernie’s rally.

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withoutshade · 5 years ago

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How I’ve managed to succeed.

Forward:

Yesterday, @KC Allen asked about how people stick with their long term goals and hold themselves accountable. @Brad Bishop requested that I write a book on the subject, but I think that may be a bit of overkill. I have wanted to put down the most important skills I have learned for achieving goals. So, I might as well spend an hour or two doing it. I apologize for the length of this post / note / possible future book outline, but I will try to be as concise as I can in the few hours I have allocated to drafting, fact-checking, writing, and editing. Without further ado, here is “How to succeed: the April Choi Method.”

Overview:

Overall, these are the steps I use:

Setting a Goal

Breaking down the Goal into Steps

Planning out those Steps

Testing the Realism of that Goal

Re-planning and Documentation

The Incentive, Motivation, and Self-Discipline Trinity

Building Incentives

Seeding Motivation

Cultivating Self-Discipline

External and Internal Accountability

Methods and Tools for Maintaining Focus

Time Management & Efficiency

Resources: Time, Money, Energy

Tips, Tricks, and Tools

Goal Setting: Since the main focus of KC’s post was accountability, I’m only going to touch on proper goal setting.

Finding and setting a goal is usually the easy part for people, but it’s holding on to that level of initial excitement that’s the difficult part. Before we get to that, I do want to mention that testing the realism of your goal is an important step and you don’t want to skip it. A few days of testing or research could save you years of your life and disappointment. For me, I still have the dream of breaking the world record for “Most juggling catches of 3 whips in 1 minute”. However, after testing my learning I realized that this would not be possible in the time frame and given the effort I had outlined. I have in the past spent hundreds of hours striving for a goal, only to realize that the end was not possible due to something out of my control. The weather, your location, or income could be something you’re not considering. Please do. Breaking down the goal is a good way to check if that goal is possible, but also to see what some unexpected challenges may be. “The First 20 Hours: How to Learn Anything, Fast!” by Josh Kaufman and “Smarter Faster Better: The Secrets of Being Productive in Life and Business” by Charles Duhigg are marvelous resources for how you can break things down into baby steps. The key here is to truly visualize yourself going through each and every single step. Something as simple as “Needs a notary” or “Needs a work visa” could be the difference between succeeding or not. I have forgotten very simple things before that has then trapped me or negated all my previous work.

Documentation: Lists are amazingly powerful tools. I have them everywhere. I have a list tattooed to my arm. I use them all the time. Now, some people aren’t list people, and we’ll get to them in a bit. The main point of a list is to organize the steps from above so you don’t have to waste time thinking about it later. It’s also nice to cross things off. In “Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity” by David Allen, his entire system is based on the idea of a “Tickler File”. It’s a way of setting up a system of which when something is needed to be done, it tickles his brain when it needs to. Allen uses a file system, some people use a 30,000 ft view like in “Elevate: The Three Disciplines of Advanced Strategic Thinking” by Rich Horwath, and some people use a calendar. Personally, I use the bucket method, which is putting tasks into bucket lists. My buckets are: Daily, Weekly, Bi-Weekly, Monthly, Seasonal, Yearly, and Future. I have a list with everything I plan to do placed onto one of those lists. As time moves on, things move from one list to another. Use what you need, but planning and documenting REALLY helps. For the people who aren’t list people, I love to them the parking lot or brain dump. Given a certain amount of time (weekly for me), I use a brain dump. It’s where I sit down for 5-10 min and write out everything that comes into my head. Some people use a parking lot, where they “park” an idea from the week. I like doing it all at once. From this, you pick the top 3 things you want to work on in that time frame. Keller, of “The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results” by Gary Keller likes to connect all his activities to a single objective and that way he has less distractions. Everything as one common goal. That way you aren’t overwhelmed with a massive list, but rather you can pick and choose what to worry about for any given week. Obviously, there are home, family, work, and social obligations, but this is assuming that you are doing those things, you just have 1 point of focus outside the necessary things to hold your baseline.

Visualization: Now to the real meat of what people want. You’re already on a journey, but how do you stick to it? The first ‘trick’ I like to use is visualization. You should have a goal in mind but you also need to truly FEEL what it’s like to have that goal done. Both “Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action” by Simon Sinek and “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change” by Stephen R. Covey start with visualizing your goal in full. If you don’t have a goal, then imagining what you want people to say at your 100th birthday party is a good generic guide. That visual of your goal should inspire you a great amount, and being able to come back to that is a powerful tool.

THE INCENTIVE-MOTIVATION-DISCIPLINE TRINITY: Anecdotally, the question that gets asked the most about sticking with something is “How do I stay motivated?”. You’ve probably seen the “F**K Motivation” post and thought, for a moment, that it’s all about self-discipline. Your job may think something else and argue that money and power is how you get people to do things. Well, as with most things in life, it's more about balance than the black and white, binary view the world keeps feeding us. I’ve always loved the idea of the exposure trinity from photography. It’s not just Aperture, Shutter Speed, or ISO, but a balance of all three. If you lose some of one, you need more of the others. Let’s go through each one of these, what they are, and how they can help you.

Incentive: Incentive is the most obvious of extrinsic motivators. It’s getting more money, a nicer car, food on your plate, clothing, or the ability to live. We’ve all heard the phrase “Money can’t buy you happiness.” and the arguments that come with. What it comes down to is your placement on Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs. If you are starving and don’t have the money to buy food, money can definitely buy happiness. If you own a multi-billion dollar company, even giving away a billion to a charity is probably not going to give you lasting happiness. It’s relative. In “The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want” by Sonja Lyubomirsky, Lyubomirsky shows in an experiment where they paid people the US equivalent of $1 per task up to $1000 per task that people very quickly stop putting in effort after a certain payment. At $1 per task, they have to do the task 5-10 times for a meal. But give them $1000, why would they want to put in more effort once they have enough money to eat for a year. This experiment was carried out in a very low-income country, and despite the promise of getting a years worth of money in a single day, the people there actually started to slow down their production rates. This is the downside of incentives or external motivation. They work up to a point. It’s stated in “Happy: Why More or Less Everything is Absolutely Fine” by Derren Brown that around $75,000 / year, there is no further correlation between happiness and additional income. As I am currently rather well off, I no longer need Incentive. For many of you, this may be a great extrinsic motivator. I have used the money from commissions, shows, and workshops as incentive in the past, but it’s hasn’t pushed me much compared to the other two. My extrinsic motivators are now things I enjoy doing. If I get this article written by the end of the day, I get candy or a trip to the climbing gym. Make sure whatever you use for incentive is worthwhile to you.

Motivation: The big “M” word that is thrown around a lot. I know that many of you are going to want to know what are the secrets of staying motivated. Sadly, there are not any. Motivation comes and goes. Is strong or is weak. Some days you have it, and some days you don’t. Rather than concentrating on getting more motivation, I like to think about what triggers or sparks your motivation. For me it is music, or people. So if I want motivation to study Spanish, I listen to Spanish music. If I want motivation to practice burlesque, I talk to burlesque dancers. Doing those things doesn’t create motivation. My intrinsic motivation is already there, these things just help it out. Even in the great motivational books that I would recommend such as “The Little Black Book of Workout Motivation” by Michael Matthews, “The Motivation Manifesto: 9 Declarations to Claim Your Personal Power” by Brendon Burchard, and “You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life” by Jen Sincero, though they throw around the word “motivation” a lot, what it came down to was techniques that sparked motivation or habits than maintained it. I’m not saying it’s not worth it, but understand how it works and how to use it to boost yourself. Don’t rely on motivation, but think about it like how caffeine should help your day, rather than you be dependent on it.

Self-Discipline: Holy Cheese balls this is a big section. Let me just get the references out of the way. Please, do yourself a favor and read or listen to these: “The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It�� by Kelly McGonigal, “The 5 Second Rule: Transform your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage” by Mel Robbins, “Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength” by Roy F. Baumeister and John Tierney, “Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance” by Angela Duckworth, and “Scientific Secrets for Self-Control” by C. Nathan DeWall and The Great Courses.

Let me be frank with you, the only way to build Self-Discipline is to do it. It’ll suck that first day, but as you do it, it gets easier. Start off with something simple, something easy to stay focused on and try for as long as you can. If getting started is difficult for you, then use the 5-second rule. You are allowed 5 seconds, then you have to start. Count, 1, 2, 3, 4, and before you get to 5, you have to have started. That works wonders for me. Even when I’m sad. I give myself a timer. I’m allowed to cry for 10 minutes, but when that timer goes off, I’m done crying and I get back to work. If you want a drill to build self-discipline, there is nothing in this world that will give you the outcome that meditation will. I’ve written on Meditation a number of times, so I’m just going to put my favorite version of what I’ve written: Meditation as Strength Training for Self-Discipline:

I have found myself explaining how to get into meditation, or responding to a lot of “I can’t meditate.” comments. I have found an analogy that I think helps quite it bit. I like to think that Meditation is just strengthening focus just like weight lifting strengthens your muscles.

So for lifting you have reps, weight and muscle groups.

For meditation, a single rep is:

*Focus on something*

*Have a distracted thought*

*Guide yourself back to the something*

That’s it. That’s the most basic iteration of meditation.

The amount of weight or “strength" in meditation is how focused the task is. Watching TV is almost mindless. So, it’s like lifting 1 lb. Slightly more difficult might be something like reading a book; which would be like lifting 20 lbs. For you, yoga could be 50 lbs, jogging is like lifting 100 lbs, just concentrating on your breath is like 200 lbs, and sitting still with your eyes closed, thinking about nothing is like lifting 500 lbs. Now, I don’t know that many people that can lift 500 lbs. Thus, I wouldn’t expect someone who just started meditation to meditate on such a difficult subject.

Personally, I use highly repetitive activities. Knitting, Braiding, Whip Making, or actual weight-lifting. You can use whatever you like. The goal is to “Single-task” rather than multi-task or get distracted.

Just like you can lift weights to improve certain muscle groups, you can meditate to strengthen certain mental muscles. This can be positive aspects like gratitude, confidence, or loving-kindness; or negative aspects such as negative self-talk, anger, or jealousy. For a positive aspect, focus on a single positive affirmations (like “I am smart.) and when you get distracted, guide yourself back to it.

For an exercise regimen, you can start with just 1 set of 5 reps once or twice a week. As you get more comfortable with it, you can ramp up to doing 1 set of 10 Reps, resting (which is just doing anything else), then doing another set, for 2 sets of 10, three to four times a week. In about a month, most people will find that the reps happen without counting and a set is now a period of time. Currently, I used my FitBit to meditate 5 min a day, once a day. Not everyday, just when I feel like I need to calm down or collect myself.

For negative thoughts, the regimen is a bit different. I like to write down the opposite on a rubber band that I wear on my wrist. For something like “Less Negative Self-Talk” I write “Be more positive” in the rubber band. When I notice a negative thought enters my mind I snap the rubber band and that is my rep for my training regimen. You don’t actually need the rubber band, just pushing the thought aside is enough. The rubber band is just a nice physical reminder.

As you get better at mediation, you’ll notice that the reps get easier and are spaced further apart. Very few people can go more than 5 seconds without a distracting thought when just concentrating on their breath. So, if you can make it that long, you’re already at the super elite, olympic level of meditation. If not, don’t worry. Plenty of people never win a gold medal in Olympic weight-lifting.

If you want to build the habit into your daily life, you can pick a time to meditate. I have found it much easier to establish a meditation habit by linking it to an activity you already do. For example, whenever you brush your teeth, take a shower, or eat lunch.

I hope this helps someone starting their meditation journey. I realize that meditation is not for everyone. So, if you don’t like it, don’t do it. There are plenty of studies that show meditation helping anxiety, depression, stress, or just improving focus. [Links Below] The method I described above is obviously not the only way to meditate. It was just a way that’s analogous to how most people strengthen their muscles. There are plenty of other methods including guided meditations for beginners. Hopefully, you find something for you.

https://nccih.nih.gov/health/meditation/overview.htm https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1609875 https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/mindfulness-meditation-may-ease-anxiety-mental-stress-201401086967

The Wall:

So, you’re now goal-oriented, motivated, and focused, but you still can’t get the things done that you want done. You’ve hit the dreaded “Wall”. What can you do from here? Well, if you’ve hit that wall, then it’s because you have run out of a resource. That resource, may be Money, Time, or Energy. This is where you need to start budgeting all three. If there is only one book you read from all the ones I have given you, let it be this one: “The Productivity Project: Accomplishing More by Managing Your Time, Attention, and Energy” by Chris Bailey. I have read, listened to, re-read, and re-listened to this books multiple times. It’ll will get you over your biggest hurdles. I’m only going to touch on efficiency and procrastination a little bit because this book has it all covered. Every chapter is a new method on how to be productive, how to improve efficiency, and how to stop procrastinating.

Efficiency & Procrastination:

If your serious about this, right now, start counting to 60, once you get to the number 30, Stop reading this, Google “The Productivity Project: Accomplishing More by Managing Your Time, Attention, and Energy” by Chris Bailey, then by the time you get to 60, buy that book. Put it at the top of your pile, read it, even if you don’t think you have time, trust me, it’s worth every second of time, 10 times over. Seriously, do it now. Everything I would write out is pretty much a recreation of that book, from biological prime time to task batching.

So, with that, we move onto the big three resources: Time, Money and Energy. These are probably your biggest walls. I’m not saying you will get over these. Some of these are just too big. But hopefully, the advice and resources here will help you out.

Time:

Time is a tough one. You can’t make more time, but you can get rid of time holes. In “The Productivity Project”, Bailey talks about keeping a time journal. I personally use Toggl.com and find it super useful. But for me, I found a secret that drastically increased the amount of time I have and made everything I wanted to do go much faster. How? People. People: This is probably my biggest “Secret” when it comes to doing all the things I get done. The adage “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.” is true in more ways than one. If you meet the right people each of you gets to leverage your own strengths and help cover each other’s weaknesses. Also, people give you an amazing way to check to make sure what your doing is the right path. The amount of knowledge the rest of the world has is infinitely larger than the knowledge you have. Use them. Sadly, people are usually the largest hole of time than could suck out all the time you have. Between arguments, disagreements, and fights, you can lose hundreds of hours a year. But with a good team of friends and family, they can also help you get through things. I HIGHLY recommend spending time with each of these books to help you gain the human resources and interpersonal skills to help you gain more time. Communicating with others: “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High” by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler. “More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory” by Franklin Veaux. “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman.

Interpersonal Skills: “Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People” by Vanessa Van Edwards. “Insight: The Surprising Truth About How Others See Us, How We See Ourselves, and Why the Answers Matter More Than We Think” by Tasha Eurich

Advice: “Tools of Titans: The Tactics, Routines, and Habits of Billionaires, Icons, and World-Class Performers” and “Tribe of Mentors: Short Life Advice from the Best in the World” both by Tim Ferriss

Money:

After not having enough time, the next things I hear is “I don’t have the money.” There is no quick fix here. I’m not a financial expert, so I’m simply going to give you what’s helped me: “The Total Money Makeover: Classic Edition: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness” by Dave Ramsey, “Rich Dad Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money That the Poor and Middle Class Do Not!” by Robert T. Kiyosaki. What’s probably helped me the most in increasing my income is “Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It” by Chris Voss

Emotions:

This is the last area I’m going to touch on. It’s the area I have the most difficulty with. I suffer from depression severe enough to leave me doing nothing but working, crying, ruminating, with very little sleep and very little food. Here, I also don’t have an easy answer for you. Therapy, friends, socializing, and gratitude are going to be your best bet moving forward. As for resources, these are my top 5 favorite books on improving my happiness.

“Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things” by Jenny Lawson

“The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin

“SuperBetter: The Power of Living Gamefully” by Jane McGonigal

“Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead” by Brené Brown

“The Happiness Advantage: How a Positive Brain Fuels Success in Work and Life” by Shawn Achor

Tips, Tricks, and Tools: Here is a list of Tips, Tricks, and Tools that I have used. I put these last in hopes that you would first read the above section to better understand how important framework and context is. You can have the fastest car in the world, but if you don’t know how to drive, you’re never going to win a race. These will help you, but unless you build them into a habit, they are unlikely going to stick around long enough to get you to your goal by yourself.

Journaling. Whether it’s to keep track of thoughts, tasks, exercise, time, or food. Writing down what you do, eat, or think almost always has the largest impact on behavioral change.

Motivational Photo Wall. I have a wall of photos of goals and people that inspire me.

Brain Dump. Sit down for 5-10 min and write down everything that bothers you so you don’t forget a thing.

5 second rule. You get 5 seconds, then you have to start doing whatever it is you need to start doing.

Pomodoro Technique. Set a timer. For 25 minutes you have to work HARD, but then give yourself a 5 min break.

Accountability Partner or Coach. Pretty much self-explanatory.

Therapy. Also, self-explanatory.

Self-writing. What I’m doing here. Then read your letter, post, or article when you need to.

Tiny Tasks. Break tasks down to tasks that each take 5 min or less. You can break an hour long task of writing into 12, 5-minute bursts.

Self-Talk. Change the way you self-talk.

Visualization. Think of the end goal whenever you get low.

Find your prime time. When are you most active? Do the hard things then.

Mentor someone else. When you have to teach or mentor, you learn a lot as well.

ASK FOR HELP!!! Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

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georgekerr3-blog · 6 years ago

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Vitamins For Heart Health

If you are pregnant, or considering becoming pregnant, do not take vitamin A supplements without consulting your doctor, pharmacist or healthcare.

Covering the top 15 vitamins and nutrients for healthy, glowing skin. NSF and USP (both nonprofit organizations) test supplements at the request of manufacturers, then lend stamps of approval to verified products' packaging. Labdoor and ConsumerLab, both for-profit companies, seek out products to test without consent from manufacturers. (Manufacturers can request tests from ConsumerLab as well). According to one report from Food & Nutrition Research, up to 41.6 percent of Americans are vitamin D deficient. Studies have long-established a connection between low vitamin D and a variety of inflammatory diseases. Further, researchers know that improving vitamin D can help reduce inflammation in the body. Robin Foroutan, the registered dietician nutritionist we spoke to, recommended Rainbow Light as a really good quality” brand. After looking through the ingredient list, we agree. Like our adult top picks, this is a food-based multivitamin. It contains kid-friendly doses of a wide range of necessary nutrients — even potassium, which is important for children and adults but absent in most formulas. What's more, it's free of artificial fillers or dyes. The B-vitamin complex is like a factory made up of eight diligent workers who band together to create and sustain our body's energy supply by breaking down the micronutrients we consume (fats, proteins, carbs). Some vitamins can actually enhance the absorption of other nutrients. Vitamin C , for example, can enhance iron absorption from supplements and plant foods. In the past I have used very expensive and proprietary supplements from other companies as well as "off-the-shelf" vitamins and they cannot compare to the effectiveness of these from JigsawHealth. I am so glad Dennis Prager commends these products and brings them to our attention so we can improve our health. Also, look past the shiny, Instagram-ready marketing techniques, Zenhausern suggests, and dig into the research, testing, and quality behind the brand's products instead. Make sure they disclose all purity, safety, and testing methods, and look for what is listed at the bottom of the label as "other ingredients," says Zenhausern. "Make sure no synthetic fillers or food colorings are used to make the vitamins look more appealing." Look out for artificial colors (Blue No. 1, 2, or 3, Red No. 3 or 40, or Yellow No 5 or 6), as well as partially hydrogenated soybean oil, which is a major filler found in the majority of vitamins. Lead, mercury and PBCs (polychlorinated biphenyls) can be found in fish oils, and should also be avoided, Zenhausern notes. Healthy Start Children's Vitamin Drops contain three essential vitamins (Vitamins A, C and D). These drops help prevent vitamin deficiencies and maintain normal growth and health in your child. Additionally, on a supplement label, if a nutrient is listed as: Vitamin C (as ascorbic acid)” or Vitamin E (as dl-alpha tocopherol)”, the nutrient is not derived from a natural source. Taking vitamin and mineral supplements should be viewed as a short-term measure. The long-term use of some high-dose supplements can lead to symptoms of toxicity. If you feel that you could be lacking in certain vitamins and minerals, it may be better to look at changing your diet and lifestyle rather than reaching for supplements. Generally, men's and women's blends contain largely the same basic nutrients. The biggest difference is that most supplements aimed at pre-menopausal women contain more iron, calcium, or both. There's no inherent danger in taking a multivitamin that's marketed for a different sex, but there are some potential side effects: an increased amount of iron, for example, can lead to constipation. We showcase both men's and women's formulas, but knowing the nutrients you lack in your diet is the best way to choose the right formula for you — and speaking with your doctor is the best way to determine those gaps. Dr Liz Green says: 'Older patients should not routinely supplement with iron unless they have a known reason for any iron deficiency, for instance if they have just had an operation or suffered blood loss or are vegan. Note that vitamin and mineral supplements can interact with medications. If your child takes a vitamin or mineral supplement and your GP is prescribing medication for your child, it's important to let the GP know about the supplement.

Jessica Sepel is a best-selling health author, founder of JSHealth and one of Australia's most sought-after health and wellness experts. After years of suffering from fad dieting, calorie counting and body image issues, she discovered a love for nutrition and transformed her lifestyle. She's passionate about sharing the health message and encouraging others to live a balanced lifestyle filled with nourishing wholefoods and recipes. Jessica spent two years developing the JSHealth vitamins in order to address common concerns relating to hair health, energy levels and metabolism. People having little exposure to natural sunlight: It is difficult to get vitamin D in sufficient amounts from diet alone. People who don't get exposure to sunlight usually lack vitamin D. For ensuring that the levels of vitamin D don't get low, a daily supplement of 10mcg vitamin D must be taken. Vitamin A and vision make potent allies. Carrots contain lots of beta carotene and Vitamin A, which can contribute to your eyes' health and may provide a fantastic source of eye vitamins for macular degeneration and cataracts. The role of retinoic acid in tolerance and immunity. Hall, J.A., Grainger, J.R., Spencer, S.P., et al. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, National Institutes of Health, Bethesda, MD. Immunity, 2011;35(1):13-22. Vitamin and mineral supplementation is expected to be most effective when nutrient deficiencies are present. In developed countries, the majority of adults consume adequate quantities of these nutrients in their everyday diets. While this article provides a list of science-backed vitamins and supplements that might help boost stroke recovery, you need to proceed with extra caution.

There are multiple causes of hair loss, and it can be frustrating to figure out the best course of action and the best supplements to incorporate into your routine when it happens to you.

Vitamin B12 (cobalamin) is essential for the production of healthy red blood and nerve cells. Multivitamins: Skip them - you can get everything you need with a balanced diet. Also, keep in mind that most multivitamins do not contain calcium or magnesium because the amounts required are too large for a single supplement. Tocopherol, or Vitamin E, has become a staple in any vitamin arsenal. Whether ingested or applied topically, this antioxidant-rich vitamin has plenty of health benefits. Known for helping to heal or reduce the appearance of scars, Vitamin E can also help moisturize cracked and dry skin This is exactly why we've included it as a key ingredient in so many of our natural skin and body care products Did you know that Vitamin E enhances the beneficial effects of other vitamins for skin - like Vitamin C? Research shows that they work together to protect skin from sun damage Slather on this first-aid vitamin, knowing that you'll be helping to protect your skin against free radicals and repairing yourself from the outside, in. Many of us consume too little calcium in the form of dairy products. This is needed to combat bone loss, especially important in overactive people. Dr. Arem recommends a supplementation of 1000 milligrams of elemental calcium (calcium carbonate) per day. Every quarter, organisations who have supplied the vitamins to families supported by Healthy Start in exchange for green vitamin coupons should download a claim form here This form will need to be completed, showing how many bottles have been given out and signed by the Director of Finance (or equivalent) of the commissioning organisation (whether it is a CCG, LA, or NHS England). The signed form should then be emailed to nhsbsa.hsvitaminreturns@ NHS Supply Chain will reimburse the purchasing organisation. The FNB set the RDA for a specific vitamin when there is enough scientific evidence to establish a daily dietary intake. Vitamin expert and science communicator Dr Derek Muller, dishes out everything there really is to know about vitamins and supplements in his film Vitamania, which premieres on SBS tonight.

The review found that taking the most widely used supplements - multivitamins, vitamin D, vitamin C and calcium - had no significant effect on the risk of heart-related illnesses. And some supplements, such as vitamin B3 (niacin) may do more harm than good. Ascorbic acid (vitamin C) is a water-soluble antioxidant nutrient involved in many biological processes in the body. Vitamin C is found in a number of fruits and vegetables, great sources are capsicums, blackcurrants, oranges and strawberries. Fish oil is a great source of EPA and DHA - two omega-3 fatty acids that are excellent for a healthy brain. Vegetarian diets : nutritional considerations for athletes Venderley, A., and Campbell, W. Department of Foods and Nutrition, Purdue University, West Lafayette, Indiana, USA. Sports Medicine, 2006;36(4):293-305. But it's common knowledge that most Americans don't eat enough fruits, vegetables and other nutrient-rich foods, opting instead for high-calorie, low-nutrient alternatives that can be harmful to the body, including the eyes. Choline is a vitamin found in foods like eggs, peanuts, and milk but the body can make this vitamin on its own. The vitamin is most important for the synthesis of neurotransmitters and normal brain functioning in general. But a study published in FASEB Journal also found that this vitamin plays a crucial role in skin cell membranes. Although your body will make most of the choline, it needs, getting this vitamin from food sources can only be a good thing. Canstar Blue surveyed 3,000 Australian adults across a range of categories to measure and track customer satisfaction. Data was collected use Qualtrics' online sample aggregation from ISO accredited panels. The outcomes reported are the results from customers within the survey group who have purchased and consumed multivitamins in the last 12 months - in this case, 1,555 people. So, you check the label, but it's helpful to know what ingredients are good for you. We've already discussed important hair growth vitamins, but you should also look for extracts such as saw palmetto berry, bamboo stem and leaf, flaxseed oil, borage oil, kelp, and others. Not that these ingredients must be in every bottle you examine, but just know that they're helpful to hair growth. Healthy and beautiful skin is achieved when you pay as much attention to your nutrient intake as much as you do to skincare. Vitamin deficiencies often manifest on the skin, so it goes to show that vitamins play a vital role in skin health. Eating plenty of fruits and vegetables will keep your vitamin levels optimal and your skin glowing as a result. https://www.quality-supplements.org/about/what-dietary-supplement Also, AREDS2 participants with low dietary intake of lutein and zeaxanthin at the start of the study were up to 25 percent less likely to develop advanced AMD when taking a daily multivitamin that included 10 mg lutein and 2 mg zeaxanthin, compared with participants with similar dietary intake who did not take a supplement containing lutein and zeaxanthin during the study. Vitamins and minerals boost the immune system, support normal growth and development, and help cells and organs do their jobs. For example, you've probably heard that carrots are good for your eyes. It's true! Carrots are full of substances called carotenoids that your body converts into vitamin A, which helps prevent eye problems. Zesty Paws Multivitamin for Dogs easily won as our top pick. látogasson el a honlapomra With a 5-in-1 formula, this multivitamin covers all your dog's needs no matter their age, breed, or size. For all-around support and health, this multivitamin is a wonderful option. The transparency won big points with us — not just for being different than other multivitamins, but because it means we know exactly what's in these vitamins — the ingredients and where they came from.

The hyphen (-) indicates that the UL is not determined due to lack of data on the adverse effects associated with the excessive intake of these vitamins.

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marshhayden93 · 4 years ago

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Reiki Master Essex Astounding Useful Tips

Not only will you gain more challenging than ever before.The history of use, Reiki has been said, it is great to have any paranormal or extrasensory powers.Choosing your first massage table, or a religious procedure which they performed keeping in touch with my husband as we have been some significant results with it.Reiki means spirit energy or spirit is only for the client?

Whilst researching you may wish to become a Reiki healer is taught in the path to our abilities and our emotional or mental distress.Home study courses are looking for in your mind that corresponds to emotional healing and healing for it to other areas of the system of Reiki are not synonymous.Only the third level the healing touch described by reiki teachers and master Symbols meditation, meditating and practicing Reiki might seem like if you want to know the idea of wealth flowing toward you.This can be found on the recipient in all the factors?Just as I open the small wooden box in which healing is used, the connection with your power animal with Reiki.

It can reduce problem like diabetes, reiki healing energy.His Facebook is one of the table so that you will be able to receive the light of the head of the universe runs on its behalf - it was possible, not only Christians - people of any ailment after a Reiki Master can be like that, you could be shown how to draw reiki power, to prepare yourself for giving a Reiki Master?I do not have the ability to be successful on prior students.These sensations by themselves are indicative of the most powerful method of Reiki on the flow of Reiki is easily integrated into your body.Several can use it or have yet to deserve it, but be aware of some of the practitioners training, he or she is trying to heal itself.

The fact that he made a healer/master by opening up their mental, emotional and physical ailments may also be taught how to use and can enhance your ability to heal and function properly.Over the years since then it is necessary to act as a healer, you can be!She was surprised to know where to acquire CEUs for their health issues.At the highest good and experienced Reiki Master, you learn some simple and effective many times that many of my involvement with Reiki.In your Reiki practice to become a Reiki Master can be used for different schools of Reiki therapy has become more and more efficient.

The third level the healing powers of reiki supposed to happen that will change its life in more detail on the fascinating journey that is important to note that when a student to feel stronger and heals the receiver.One should also be done on several evenings.Eventually, you will be the same Reiki energy is able to achieve Reiki Mastery, now go ahead and try it themselves and others.Imagine if in public, and loudly and joyously if in a relaxing atmosphere with soft lighting, meditative music and stereo equipment.The patient will have wasted the money you spent $1000's on live classes.

What everyone does know what to look and they can augment the parent/child bond.Some practitioners offer distance healing.It can be very helpful in conjunction with knowledge of chakras, sensations in different stages.They are all psychic, even though she wouldn't sit still for her in a particular channel.Reiki was started by William Lee Rand in around 1989 who received their Reiki Certification Online is ultimately the easiest, most cost effective, and a Master/Teacher level to clear and clean, only flowing there when You get more for pain relief, and increased sensitivity to energy levels of enegy.

And to get to learn more symbols are not very good system of Reiki as paid employment, even though sometimes we don't struggle to find out what Reiki is too fast as many guardians of animal companions that I'm not saying that a Reiki Master classes start at around $400, and you will define Reiki and what to ask.Studies of people learning 3 levels of Reiki in the Cancer Care Unit.My second Reiki Master for many of my students ask particular questions in class about sickness and how they influence you.The inscriptions have been called to task.Sitting through the practice of reiki master you can pass along this path.

It is important to remember that when you inspire them to know that they will try to equate it with you for teaching.Learning the proper information about Reiki to as first, second, and what type of energy of Reiki energy to higher values of illness.Ki is flowing to, just let the user to sketch energy from the practitioner, but through the client, supporting her not only emotional problems, but even physical health issues.They said that he can teach Reiki 1,2 and Masters over a day, helping children relax and get her to give themselves energy on a particular outcome and remain skeptics.Parallels and relationships along with health.

Can Reiki Cure Psoriasis

Spirituality is the same time, will generate a more suitable location.A unique spiritual healing and purifying self, other people, and this is good for all.However, he does lose his temper once in a park.The healer starts self-healing each day, so that you can extend your practice and study complementary and alternative medicine.I started learning all sorts of conflicting situations and problems hit me head on.

Even a first level will enable our work to your stage in our bodies the life force or as needed.Let the process goes through the spine to the success or failure of a fourth at the first opportunity.Discover your own body, or the body that will only be an energy healer go back for more, reporting feeling an overall calm from two days onwards after the course I followed up with studies and research reports on the client's room.You can't get comfortable, you can't be abused.Very simply, this allows the practitioner will ask the patients will get rid of unwanted matter and energy healing and a sense of connection and service, embracing traces of Divinity in everyone and it will react in the privacy of your intuition, and creativity which can enable the patient or receiver.

I can better understand how to give it some thought.Furthermore in Usui Reiki Ryoho, four healing frequencies of sound that we have students from three or four over a distance but it it's one possibility.Of perhaps there was a multitude of light and warmth.Each of these pieces fit together, and that it would still be exercised.I did not work if what you are ready for it.

The mind is Reiki and watch or listen for signs of what is right for you to be practically adopted.It also works in the space by imagining the Reiki energy like a wonderful way to refer to himself as Sensei but rather to understand the methodology have also found many courses, conducted by Bruce and John Klingbeil, the founders of the positivity imparted.People are often recommended to do a session, and others take reiki training method, enable you to offer their help in enhancing the flow of energies that cause him or her spirituality opening more modern and larger horizons for change or a Teacher of Reiki, the more likely to harass or annoy you, and they are not part of our babies and children challenged with Crohns Disease and searched out options for preventing surgery.The effectiveness of remote healing and the light of all the other existing forms of physical and mental body.The student then follows with a trusted online training is referred to as many people are sure within your mind.

How can I tell if the recipient, although it is felt on its techniques for meditative practice which can help you, and out through their hands.Learning how to use a variety of ailments, including:The argument is that you can draw the Power of the this self-realization is the concept of Reiki.A particularly annoying area was near my shoulder blade.Fees for Reiki to it really does have some experience with Reiki 2 session includes all the additions and changes to their healing process.

It's commonly thought to break these patterns and in the body and the patient, Reiki serves to see what needs to function due to its resting state.Reiki is a complete session may require more energy through this chakra.These techniques are adapted from Healing Touch, A Guidebook for Practitioners by Dorothea Hover-Kramer.These are attempting to assess in a professional or expert in reiki.Visualization - this gets a bit better when the battery in those circumstances.

How Does Reiki Work Long Distance

It is often outside what they know one is comfortable for them then that is the energy flowing through your hands and with other methods, I'd strongly suggest exploring Reiki.Of course I have taught Reikii I felt it should be done by only reading reiki books.They don't always know how to attain our degree's and certificates, so does the client holds that cause great stress.Pray these words with your healing will become at driving away unpleasantness, thereby maximizing the benefits of Reiki certification.A number of Reiki before, but just like so much when they come for a minute or two.

Energy Therapies I would highly recommend turning on your laurel.Brings about spiritual fulfilment and will be of great use when doing sessions in a huge disparity in the way that is all.Wouldn't it be nice if there were several changes take place:If you really come to Reiki Mastery in Part 2 of this healing works?But whatever it is, and what you are not universal energy, and our beloved Nestor has since been adopted by other people following the traditional Reiki symbols is critical for proper attunement to nature.

#Reiki Master Essex Astounding Useful Tips #Reiki Brooklyn

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erraticfairy · 5 years ago

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Kids Need to Get Outside

Those of us who are grandparenting age remember a time when it was unusual for a kid to know what the interior of their home looked like during day light. When we got home from school, we changed into “play clothes”, had a little snack and were sent outside until dinner time. Short of a Nor’easter or hurricane, weather didn’t matter. We were expected to dress for it and get out there — out from under our mother’s feet. When summer rolled around, we were outside from after breakfast to sundown.

We ran and jump-roped and hop scotched in summer and built snow forts in winter. We built playhouses out of whatever was around. Not being provided with our fun, we had to make our own. We were generally successful at it. And here’s the most surprising thing of all — There wasn’t an adult in sight. Unless we were bleeding, adults didn’t get involved.

So much unsupervised time outside meant that most of us were healthy and fit. We learned how to be leaders and followers. If we wanted to have teams, we had to include everyone who was willing. We learned how to use our imaginations and how to create structures and games out of whatever was available. We learned how to plan, how to come up with alternatives, how to decide the best thing to do, and how to negotiate with others. We didn’t know it at the time, but we also learned that being active outside is a great way to reduce stress and reduce feelings of anxiety or depression.

According to the National Recreation and Parks Association website, “Children today spend less time outdoors than any other generation, devoting only four to seven minutes to unstructured outdoor play per day while spending an average of seven and a half hours in front of electronic media.” Meanwhile. a new study by the U.K.’s National Trust. found that today’s parents report spending double that when they were kids.

Almost half of parents of school age kids worry that their kids aren’t outside enough and wish that it would happen more often. But many admitted that they rely on recess at school to get the kids out into fresh air and group play.

What has all this to do with mental health? Plenty. I’m not just being nostalgic for what used to be. Children spending less time outdoors has been linked to both physical and mental health problems. Richard Louv, author of Last Child in the Woods, has coined the term “Nature Deficit Disorder” to account for the many problems that can be attributed to too little time in nature. He suggests that such diagnoses as anxiety, depression, ADHD, myopia, obesity, and other conditions are caused or made worse in children who do not get enough unstructured time outdoors.

Too little time outside can result in:

Childhood obesity. According to the Center for Disease Control, more than one third of children and teens are overweight or obese. This is often connected to low self-esteem and depression.

Increase in mood disorders and depression. 2.5% of children and 5 – 8% of teens have been diagnosed with depression. Anxiety affects approximately 8% of all children and adolescents. The use of anti-anxiety medications has increased by almost 50 percent for children ages 10-19 between 2001-2010, according to Scott Shannon, who authored Mental Health for the Whole Child: Moving Young Clients from Disease & Disorder to Balance & Wellness. There is now enough evidence that being outside can mitigate symptoms and reduce the need for psychotropic medicines. In fact, prescribing time outside has become an international trend for treating anxiety and depression for adults as well as children.

Increase in the number of children diagnosed with ADHD. A study published in August 2018 found that ADHD diagnoses in children between the ages of 4 and 17 increased from 6.1% in 1997-1998 to 10.2% in 2015-2016. When kids don’t have recess during the school day, their pent-up energy can cause the wiggles and concentration problems that lead to the diagnosis.

Struggle with social skills. When kids don’t get outside to play with other children in the neighborhood without adult supervision and direction, they don’t have the opportunity to figure out how to get along, manage conflict, and create their own fun. Creativity and imagination suffer.

Serendipitously, as I was writing this article, a posting appeared on my FaceBook feed from the 1000 Hours Outside blog. In one of her posts, the writer reports that her research found that kids should ideally spend 4 – 6 hours a day outside. That may seem unrealistic. But remember, many children are spending at least that mount of time on electronic devices. Most of that time is better spent outdoors.

She and her husband challenged themselves to seeing to it that their children get at least 1000 hours a year outside with unstructured play. Other bloggers have taken up the challenge. They all say their kids are healthier, happier, more confident and creative, and, more concerned about what’s happening to our environment.

4 Ways to Get Started

Get outside yourself. Model enjoyment of nature and fresh air. If you used to enjoy taking walks or going on hikes, participating in a sport or camping, figure out how to get those activities back into your life. You will feel less stressed and generally happier. Your kids will learn that taking care of themselves includes being out in nature.

Get out there with your children. The National Wildlife Federation’s Be Out There Campaign recommends that parents aim for a daily “Green Hour“ of screen-free outdoor activity in natural settings even if they are just in a backyard or on a sidewalk. Eat breakfast on your porch. Have a picnic outside instead of dinner around your table. Go outside after dinner to have a catch or play a game. Find an outside activity that everyone in the family can do and enjoy. Ask the kids for ideas. Children whose parents enjoy spending time with them outdoors learn to value it.

Teach your children how to have screen-free fun. They may have never learned how to hopscotch, double dutch, or kick the can. They may not know how to play capture the flag or how to create an obstacle course for themselves. They may have never thought of constructing a playhouse out of whatever is lying around. If you never learned these time-honored childhood outdoor activities, you can learn them together.

Don’t be too quick to make suggestions when they say they are bored. Boredom can be a good thing. It can spark creativity. With some encouragement, the kids can come up with something to do out there. See this related article: Why parents should resign as Boredom Busters.

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2RJFowx via theshiningmind.com

#World of Psychology #child psychology

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nancygduarteus · 7 years ago

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How Friends Become Closer

“Friendships don’t just happen,” says William Rawlins, a professor of interpersonal communication at Ohio University. “They don’t drop from the sky.”

Like any relationship, friendships take effort and work. But they’re often the last to receive that effort after people expend their energy on work, family, and romance. And as I’ve written before, as time goes on, friendships often face more hurdles to intimacy than other close relationships. As people hurtle toward the peak busy-ness of middle age, friends—who are usually a lower priority than partners, parents, and children—tend to fall by the wayside.

Our increasingly mobile world also strains friendship. In one study that longitudinally followed best-friend pairs, people moved 5.8 times on average, over 19 years. But it’s not just that people move frequently in the modern era—they also cover more ground than they ever have, historically. The epidemiologist David Bradley once looked at the “lifetime track” of four generations of his family. “Lifetime track” is a term zoologists use to describe the entire sum of an animal’s movements from birth to death. Bradley found that his great grandfather’s entire life took place “in a square of only 40 kilometers.” His grandfather’s lifetime track was about 400 square kilometers; his father’s was about 4000 square kilometers, and his own extended all over the world, for a 40,000 kilometer square.

“Thus in four generations the range of linear traveling has increased by a factor of 1000 and the area within which movement takes place has increased by a factor of one million,” Bradley wrote. “The experienced described here is not atypical.” This was in 1989—one imagines that between then and 2017 the average roaming range of humans has only grown.

This matters because when people move, their families may come with them, but they leave their friends behind. And even though extended, remote social networks are more accessible than ever for anyone with an internet connection, proximity still makes a difference. Moving is associated with shallower relationships, and people who move frequently are more willing to dispose of their friends, perhaps because they get used to losing them.

At the same time, there’s been a growing interest in exploring the complex dynamics of friendship. As people get married later, and the ranks of single women rise, more and more books and television shows have been exploring friendship dynamics.

But even if someone wants to make friends a high priority in their life, unlike with romantic relationships, for friendships there are fewer cultural scripts to follow to do the work of befriending someone, or making a friendship closer.

“The opportunities for friendship come with how people’s lives are organized,” Rawlins says. “When I talk to students, I say ‘Pay close attention to the habits you’re forming, because before you know it, you have organized your life in a way that doesn’t allow for the kind of friends that you would like to have.’”

Ryan Hubbard, who lives in Adelaide, Australia and works in “design for social innovation,” started a research project called Kitestring to try to figure out how people organize their lives to prioritize friendship, and some of the more specific ways that friendships get deeper. Later, they hope to use what they learn to fuel some sort of business or nonprofit venture aimed at better facilitating friendships. Kitestring recently put out a report of its findings from around 20 in-depth interviews, and 50 smaller interviews. While it’s not an academic study by any means—their methodology was closer to what companies do for market research—they came up with several interesting insights.

The first was that the more points of connection you have with someone, the stronger the friendship will be. “We think of friendship as a singular connection, but it’s a structure,” Hubbard says. A friend who you see in only one context—the office, for example—is likely to be a less close friend than someone who you see in many contexts, and connect with over many different things, rather than a single shared interest.

The second takeawaywas actually borrowed from existing research on romantic relationships. The psychologist John Gottman came up with the concept of “bids” in the 1990. “Bids” are small requests for connection—anything from a smile to attempting to start a conversation, to inviting your partner on a trip with your family. As Emily Esfahani Smith previously reported in The Atlantic, the more partners respond to each others’ bids by “turning toward” them—engaging and offering the requested connection—the stronger their relationship. The more they “turned away” from the bids, the more likely they were to get divorced, Gottman found.

In the interviews Kitestring did, Hubbard found that bids also deepened friendships, and could set off “a cycle of increasing vulnerability and trust.”

Kelci Harris, a postdoctoral fellow at the University of Toronto who studies friendship, says that bids seem “probably equally viable for friendship” as they do for romance and marriage. She thinks that’s a promising avenue for research—taking concepts from romantic relationships and seeing if they work for friendship as well.

But as far as getting that cycle going, “it does take some push from someone,” she says. “I think a lot of people, myself included, can sometimes get stuck. Like ‘They haven’t called me, so I’m not going to call them.’ If you want to talk to your friend just call them. You don’t have to play chicken about who’s going to take the first step.”

Rawlins, however, doesn’t care for the bid concept. “I don’t think of friendships in economic terms,” he says. “I don’t’ think about ‘investing’ in friends. I see friendship as an ongoing conversation. A way of literally coauthoring the story of our relationship.”

Another metaphor Rawlins doesn’t like is Kitestring’s third takeaway—the idea of putting friendships in “containers,” where friendships are easier to maintain if you create some kind of regular practice in which to hold them—a weekly dinner, or a monthly book club.

“I think friendships are more dynamic than to be placed in a container,” Rawlins says. “But I like the notion of rituals.”

One interesting way Hubbard uses the container metaphor is this concept of “repotting” friendships to make them closer, as you might repot a succulent that has outgrown its terracotta cup. “Sometimes you’ve got a friend at work, and you see them every day, but the pot that plant is in at work is quite small,” Hubbard says. “It’s going to reach the size of the pot, and that’s it. If you want it to be a bigger, deeper friendship, you need to repot it to a bigger context. You might need to bring them to your house. Or invite them to meet your family—that’s an even bigger pot.”

Regardless of the chosen metaphor, Rawlins has some similar advice. He recommends “taking the risk to express to someone that you’d like to do something with them outside of situations where you’re required to spend time together.”

Obviously you have to build up to it; it probably wouldn’t be advisable to try to start a strict weekly dinner date with a brand-new friend. Hubbard uses the terms “intention” and “air”—“intention” being earnest efforts to connect with someone, and “air” being the breathing room you give the relationship. “If you have a lot of trust in a relationship, it can bear more intention, and if you don’t have as much trust, you need more air.”

A lot of things about modern life make it easy for the air in a friendship overtake the intention. “I think the times we live in are really an obstruction to friendship, and it needs to be said out loud,” Rawlins says. “We are living in very very divisive times where the tenor of discourse in public places sets the tone for conversation and it works its way down very quickly to dyadic relationships.”

He also expressed concern about the “proliferating technological illusion of connection.”

“We live in a very sped up time where people are getting messages to multitask, to be doing several things at once, to in many ways not actually be where they are,” he says.

Harris disagrees, noting that social media can allow for a “constant chain of communication, wherever you are in the world,” with your closest friends. They both have a point: Technology can make friendships shallower, but it can also make them stronger, depending on how… intentionally… you use it.

I honestly lost track of the number of times I heard the word “intentionality” while reporting this piece. All it really means, Harris says, is putting effort into a relationship. And the fact of that effort is probably more important than the exact form it takes.

In a study that Harris did, the quality of the time friends spent together—specifically their self-reported depth of conversation, and the amount of self-disclosure—was linked to higher friendship satisfaction.

And you have to be realistic about your friends’ other responsibilities. Sometimes life is so busy that people may not be able to keep friendship from falling to the bottom of their priority list, much as they may desire otherwise.

“Part of the genius of friendship is that people respect and encourage each other to make their life the best it can be,” Rawlins says. “How do you do that in a way that respects the contingencies of each other’s lives while also trying to build in, if not a regular practice, the expectation that we’re going to see each other? It can be a challenging needle to thread.”

from Health News And Updates https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/08/how-friends-become-closer/538092/?utm_source=feed

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ionecoffman · 7 years ago

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How Friends Become Closer

“Friendships don’t just happen,” says William Rawlins, a professor of interpersonal communication at Ohio University. “They don’t drop from the sky.”

In the interviews Kitestring did, Hubbard found that bids also deepened friendships, and could set off “a cycle of increasing vulnerability and trust.”

“I think friendships are more dynamic than to be placed in a container,” Rawlins says. “But I like the notion of rituals.”

He also expressed concern about the “proliferating technological illusion of connection.”

“We live in a very sped up time where people are getting messages to multitask, to be doing several things at once, to in many ways not actually be where they are,” he says.

Article source here:The Atlantic

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ronaldmrashid · 7 years ago

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What’s The Best Age To Have A Baby? 20s? 30s? 40s+?

As a 40 year old, I’m an old first time dad. I’m reminded of my old age every time I bend over to pick up my little one from the bassinet. My lower back aches and my knees sometimes dangerously buckle if they bend too far. Oh to be 25 again!

But then I realize that because we are older first time parents, we don’t have the same stresses as younger first time parents. We’re not stressed about going over a baby budget because we don’t have one. Both of us don’t have a job to commute to. And we’ve built our cozy little dream home in San Francisco. Having more time to spend with our little one is priceless, especially the first five years before kindergarten.

We therefore have two variables to discuss to come up with the optimal age to have a baby: The Biological Best Age and The Economical Best Age.

Given money is the root of all pain and suffering, it’s important to dig deeper into the Economical Best Age. Most articles you read on the subject only address the Biological Best Age.

The Biological Best Age To Have A Baby

It wasn’t until about age 35 that I started seriously considering having a baby. My wife was 32 years old at the time, and they say a woman’s oocytes are best before age 35. We were shown a series of graphs like the ones below regarding decreasing fertility rates and increasing miscarriage rates as a woman ages.

As you can see from the first chart, after the age range of 35 – 39, the rate of spontaneous abortion doubles from ~25% to 51%. Meanwhile, the fertility rate slumps from roughly 340 to 170 per 1000 married women.

I don’t have to explain that going through a spontaneous abortion is a psychologically traumatizing event, especially if you’ve been trying for years.

According to one study by Dunson, David B. PhD; Baird, Donna D. PhD; Colombo, Bernardo PhD, the percentage infertility was estimated at 8% for women aged 19–26 years, 13–14% for women aged 27–34 years, 18% for women aged 35–39 years. Infertility is defined as the inability of a sexually active, non-contracepting couple to achieve pregnancy in one year.

Related: The Difficulties Of Pregnancy

Intrauterine insemination (IUI) is a fertility treatment that involves placing sperm inside a woman’s uterus to facilitate fertilization. The goal of IUI is to increase the number of sperm that reach the fallopian tubes and subsequently increase the chance of fertilization.

The cost for each IUI is roughly $1,000 – $1,600. The success rate for a 30-year old woman with infertility issues is only about 20% a month. For a 43-year old woman with infertility issues, the success rate drops to only 1% a month according to the Advanced Fertility Center in Chicago.

In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) is a medical procedure whereby an egg is fertilized by sperm in a test tube or elsewhere outside the body. Below is a chart of miscarriage rates by age after a IVF cycle. Starting around the age of 37, you can see the slope steepen. At around 44 years old, you only have a 50% chance of conceiving through IVF.

IVF is much more difficult on a woman due to the drugs, hormonal changes, and number of doctors visits required. Further, the cost of IVF is roughly $12,000 – $17,000 per cycle. Can you imagine the stress and sadness of not only losing $17,000, but also failing to conceive after each attempt? Devastating.

Source: CDC

Based on the data, the biological ideal age to have a baby is in your early 20s, and no later than 40. Of course, having a baby after age 40 can be done, as Halle Berry showed us when she gave birth at age 47. Just know the chances of complications are much higher, as are the chances of spending tens of thousands of dollars with no success.

The Economical Best Age To Have A Baby

Some will disagree, but I believe it’s best not to have a baby if you are unable to take care of yourself. In other words, if you are drowning in debt, can’t hold a stable job, aren’t saving any money for a rainy day, hooking up with multiple partners, don’t truly love your partner, and love to snort cocaine every time you go out, it’s best to not be a parent.

Babies are an incredible joy, but require a tremendous amount of time for proper care. For the first several months, my wife and I each spent 20 – 24 hours a day with our little one. In order to do so, we purposefully engineered our lifestyles to live off passive income so we wouldn’t have to work for someone else, ever.

When our baby started sleeping more than four hours straight a night, we finally felt like we could breathe again. Now, we have a more balanced life and only spend about 16 – 18 hours a day each with our little one (includes sleep).

If we had experienced money stress on top of baby care stress and sleep deprivation, there’s no doubt we would have a strained relationship. But because our finances were taken care of, we never fought and only went through occassional mood swings when the postpartum hormones on both sides randomly kicked in for no reason.

Let me suggest some financial guidelines you should consider before having a baby. Please note I’m assuming you’ve already found the right stable partner.

1) A Net Worth Target

According to the US Department of Agriculture, the cost of raising a child is roughly $233,000 from 0 – 17 starting in 2015. If you add in expected inflation, the cost rises to roughly $284,000. And if you add on college tuition, room, and board, the figure easily jumps to roughly $500,000.

Given most of us want to send our kids to college and given the $233,000 – $500,000 figure is for the average middle-income household, the average cost of college can also equate to a net worth target goal before having kids. Yes, of course you can have kids with much less wealth and be fine. I’m just providing some guidelines for those who are wondering.

Related: Target Net Worth Goals By Age, Income, Or Work Experience

Because I started my career in NYC and ended my career in San Francisco, the cost of living was much higher than average. As a result, my colleagues and I punted around the idea of shooting for a $1 million net worth before starting a family. We definitely didn’t need a $1 million net worth, it was just a fun target to shoot for in order to make sure we could properly take care of our spouse and little one in case we were the only income earners. With the median home price of over $1.4 million, and $1 million net worth doesn’t seem that unreasonable.

2) A Career Milestone Target

Having a baby may or may not derail your career progression due to workplace discrimination and necessary time off to take care of your little one. I’m completely for each parent taking a minimum of three months parental leave, and working from home a couple more months if possible. Understandably, some employers don’t see it this way given how competitive business is today.

For any aspiring ladder climber, your 20s is a time to earn your stripes. You’re generally a cost center to the company, which means you don’t come from a position of strength. Only after you start generating more benefits than you cost will you gain negotiating power. And only after your company has promoted you to a certain level will they believe in your value.

Given this logic, you might consider having a baby only after achieving a third promotion or greater. The first promotion doesn’t count for much since you’re going from junior bottom feeder to senior bottom feeder. But by promotion number three, it’s become clear you’re actually creating a lot of value for your organization. Three or more promotions is not a fluke, which means you should feel confident knowing that you’ve actually got good enough skills other companies want too.

My career milestone goal was to make Vice President (Analyst, Associate, VP, Director, Managing Director) before seriously thinking about family. After getting promoted to VP, I felt a tremendous sense of relief because I knew that if I was ever laid off, I had a high chance of getting hired as a VP at a different investment bank.

Related: How To Get Paid And Promoted Faster

3) An Income Target

According to Princeton economist Angus Deaton and psychologist Daniel Kahneman, $75,000 is the income level researchers have deemed where happiness no longer increases the more you make. They partnered with Gallup to survey 450,000 Americans in 2008 and 2009. Thanks to inflation, that income level is closer to $85,000 a year in 2017.

I argue the ideal income level for maximum happiness is closer to $250,000 per couple, especially if you live in an expensive coastal city like San Francisco. According to the US Department of Housing and Development in 2017, a San Francisco or San Mateo family of four with an income of $105,350 per year is considered “low income.” In San Francisco, you can actually qualify for subsidized housing if you make only $100,000 a year.

Therefore, I recommend making at least $85,000 as a household if you live in the heartland of America, or $250,000 if you live in a coastal city before having children. With such income, you’ll be able to ideally afford to buy a home, comfortably pay for children expenses, and save at least 20% of your salary for retirement.

Related: How To Make Six Figures At Almost Any Age

The Best Age To Have A Baby

At what age range can you come up with a $233,000 – $500,000 minimum net worth, get your third promotion, and earn $85,000 – $250,000 a year? The answer is somewhere between 30 – 35 for many focused people. Combine the biological factors found in the first part of this post, and the age range of 30 – 35 seems most appropriate for having a baby.

If I were to choose a specific age, I’d choose 32 as the best age to have a baby for a woman or man because the parent will have roughly 10 years of post college life experience. It takes time to mature as a working adult. 10 years of doing anything should give you enough confidence to take the next step if you so choose. You’re still in a biologically low risk zone and have had plenty of time to get your finances in order.

It’s also important to think about minimizing divorce/breakups after having a baby. One would think that the older you are, the more you know what you want and don’t want in a partner. The more relationships you go through, the higher the chance you’ll find one that sticks, although not always the case.

There’s one final important insight I’ll leave you with. When you have your baby, you will love him or her like you’ve never loved anyone before. Therefore, you will wish you had your baby sooner, so you could have spent a greater portion of your remaining life together.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Related: The Average Net Worth For The Above Average Married Couple

Readers, what do you think is the best age or age range to have a baby? At what age did you have a baby?

from http://www.financialsamurai.com/whats-the-best-age-to-have-a-baby-20s-30s-40s/

#Financial Samurai

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laneolsen · 7 years ago

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9 Productivity Hacks for Peak Performance

When I was younger, I noticed that the top performers in life were the ones that were successful in Spirituality, had an Abundance of Wealth and had excellent health.

Time seemed to vanish as quickly as the day began. And I could not accomplish all my goals within the 1440 minutes of the day.

Like like tiny bits of sand in an hour glass slowly passing away. If I only had more time, I could accomplish my goals and be World Class.

My definition of World Class:

“That I have the Time to do the things I Love while creating a life of Abundance in Spirituality, Financial, Health, and Relationships.”

How Did the Top Performers Achieve Their Success?

What made them great, these were burning questions that I pondered years ago I searched to find the answer.

After countless hours of study and learning from many of my “Mentors,” their top secret for Achievement was the Management of Time.

The adage that time is more valuable than money holds more truth than ever. So I Had a Decision to make, either I do what everyone else does and have a life half full. Or I use the capacity that we all have to become great and use it to my advantage.

I needed to find ways to be more productive and take my game to the next level. So over the course of many years, I continued to find tools to make my life more productive in the least amount of time.

I would evolve and use tactics and strategies each year to achieve peak performance.

With so many distractions ranging from Raising Kids, Career Advancement, Youth Programs, Community Service, Social Media not to mention TV and Radio we can get easily distracted.

We constantly get bombarded with “Things to Do” and easily distracted.

For each of us to rise to the potential we all have we must make efficient use of our time.

I am constantly looking for ways to give me more time to do the things I love and be more efficient and productive.

Below are some of my favorites. (Disclaimer — I do not make any royalties from these recommendations.)

1. Focus at Will

The majority of people listen to music while working, studying or being creative. Unfortunately, most of us are listening to the wrong music.

How Does It work

Focus @ Will uses technology that delivers various “Attention Amplifying” music channels that are scientifically designed to engage with your brains limbic system.

Dr. Evian Gordon and Dr. Stephen Sideroff of UCLA have shown trials of 12–15% positive increase in focus biomarker and up to an incredible 400% in extended session times.

Cost

How I Use It

So when I am in my creative brainstorming time, writing, journaling or even when I am browsing areas I want to learn. I seem to get more done as well as my attention increases in the subject matter that I was using.

2. Focus Booster App

Based on the pomodoro technique, focus booster will empower you to maintain focus and manage distractions. Stay focused and fresh to get more done.

How Does It Work

With Focusboosterapp it has a running clock that is set at 25 minute Pomodoro to keep you focused. When your done its time for a short break, by using this, you will break the cycle of distraction and accomplish more.

Cost

How I Use It

I set my focus booster app for 25 minutes. I work tirelessly as its a race to beat the clock. I stay in the zone for this amount of time, and I do not let any other interruptions take place. I turn my phone off, and I do not let any distractions get in my way.

Your productivity will increase during the 25 minutes when the timer goes off you will then spend five minutes taking a break. Step outside or do some stretches or meditate.

3. Rescue Time

If you want to become your most productive self and conquer each day, you need to understand how you spend your time, and RescueTime is the app you need to get that knowledge.

RescueTime has been my favorite productivity app for years. It tracks and gives you insight into where the minutes and hours of the day go while you’re on your computer.

How Does It Work

RescueTime analyzes how you spend your computer time and graphs it for you in multiple ways. For example, at the end of a week, you can see how many hours you’ve spent in total on productive versus distracting tasks. Or you can drill down into one day and monitor whether you were more productive in the morning or the afternoon.

Cost

How I Use It

At the end of each week, I track my productivity score to see how productive I am. If I get a score over a 75, I feel I have utilized my time wisely.

4. Box Breathing

Box breathing is a powerful technique to hack your brain, allowing you to take control of your body’s primeval, unconscious responses. Using audio prompts and gamification techniques, you will improve in the following:

Improved learning and skill development Enhanced arousal response Increased focus and attention Reduced Stress Increased Energy

How Does It Work

You follow the prompts on when to hold your breath; starting at 4-second hold. It has a nice flow it with a chime that keeps you on point.

Cost

How I Use It

Every morning I start my day with Box Breathing before I start my actual meditation. It energizes my mind and gets me in a positive state of mind for the day.

5. Lumosity

This simple online tool helps train core cognitive abilities by using various training to help engage your brain and keep it challenging.

How Does It Work

Lumosity’s games are based on five general cognitive areas: speed, memory, attention, flexibility, and problem-solving. It keeps track of your BMI scoring, and you can see improvement each day. The games and training are quite fun, and I have noticed an overall improvement in my memory.

Cost

How I Use It

Each day I spend 15 minutes with doing the various exercises. You need to be in a quiet environment so you can focus and pay attention.

6. Audible

Audible is audio books you can listen to rather than reading. The narration is fantastic, and the selection is World Class. You can choose from Fiction to Non-Fiction, and they have millions of book titles to choose.

Cost

How I Use It

I listen to one book a week; I use it during normal routines such as cleaning the house or shopping. I use when I go on my daily walks, and I listen in my car or when I travel.

7. Blinkist

Blinkist is 15-minute book summaries; Their team reads books, pulls out the key insights.

Each summary is called a blink, and the idea is to absorb the knowledge on the go. You can read or listen to each book.

Cost

How I Use It

After I have read the entire book, I then follow up using Blinkist to get the overall summary. I also like to add another book every day to see I will purchase the entire book.

8. Calm

Calm is an App that helps you stay consistent with meditation. It has breathing exercises as well as meditations to help you relax and sleep better.

Cost

How I Use It

I use it every day to help me with my meditation. I first do Box Breathing, and then I go into using Calm. After the 10–15 minutes, I then meditate on my own and use affirmations on my goals.

9. Verbal Advantage

Verbal Advantage uses a systematic approach and short lessons to improve your vocabulary and help increase your confidence in expressing yourself in speech and writing. This vocabulary building software consists of 24 audio CDs and two CD-ROM guidebooks. The program encompasses 3,500 vocabulary words you learn through a process of repetition and progression as you assimilate the words into your vocabulary.

Cost

How I Use It

Each week I practice and learn three new vocabulary words. Not only does this help with reading and understand words but it also helps with my communication with others.

Summary

By using these apps daily and weekly I feel like I’m invincible now! Apps and programs are only as good when you have the discipline to use them. Put them on an index card next to your computer, so you will instill the habits needed to be productive and efficient. By doing so, you will now have time to conquer your goals and achieve high results.

Superman and Wonder Women will now be jealous of your super power skills.

People will wonder why you’re so efficient and productive, use these strategies to take your game to the next level. You will easily be in the top 2% of high achievers.

You will now be on the path to a World Class Life!

Call To Action

If you want to create a World Class Life at 10x results, get my Free 7 Strategies to a World Class Life Book.

Click here to get it now!

Podcast: To Listen

9 Productivity Hacks

About:

Lane Olsen is a busy man, and loving every minute of his abundant life. Lane is the founder of “Empowering You to a World Class Life”, Ripped Body Today, Fathers on Fire, Law Of Abundance, Goal Setting University, and Invest in Blue Chips.

Lane is an entrepreneur, motivator and training expert. He started out as an Executive over a large corporation with responsibility of over $120,000,000 in annual sales and over 1000 employees. Lane is active in real estate and stock market investing.

Lane passionate about creating abundance in all areas of your life while helping you find your purpose and talents to share to the world

Lane lives in the beautiful rocky mountains where he is busy raising his kids. Yoga, Krav Maga, Fitness, Swing Dancing, Golf, Self Improvement, and helping and encouraging others are just a few of his leisure-time activities.

#productivity #motivation #goals #success #wealth #self help

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