#I sort of have a complex of saving men with issues

[applesfeelgood]

I will say it cause rn I feel safe and with enough confidence: I like women not only platonically 😗 in fact I like them more than men

[my-darling-boy]

Good morning, I hope you're doing well.

I just wanted to start by saying I deeply admire your work, and have found it beautiful, emotive and inspiring.

From what I know, you do reenactments in the UK and I've been wanting to get into reenactment myself for a looooong time, but I've always chickened out because I'm trans (ftm, pre T/medical transition).

It's super refreshing to find a trans person in this scene. I was wondering if you had any advice? Whether that's how to find safe groups, how to find costumes that fit, how to maybe start projects yourself. Any advice at all would be deeply appreciated.

The ww1/ww2 periods are really close to my heart and I would adore the opportunity to explore reenactments for these periods of history in a safe environment.

All the best,

🪖

Ah that’s awesome you’re interested in getting into reenactment, it’s a really fun hobby! Don’t think I’ve seen any advice posts for world war reenactors specifically in your situation; I think “modern” military reenactment with this in mind comes with special considerations, so I’ll do my best to give a loose Survival Guide below the cut if you’re wanting to start. This will be Long, but I’ve not seen another resource on this sort of thing from the trans angle so might as well be specific! These are just my own observations to hopefully give you a bit more perspective on whether or not it’s something you’re comfortable pursuing. That all being said…

★ In the case of being trans, especially without medical transition, I HIGHLY advise against doing this hobby completely stealth, it’s just not a good idea. For many events, you camp in the same tent/room with lads your age to men 60+ and may have to change in front of them. Even in the event there is space/bathroom to change, it’s sometimes only a single stall crawling with spiders as a lot of re-enactments are in a little village in the middle of nowhere. If it’s not your own group that could cause problems upon circumstantially finding out, it could be another reenactor or member of the public. If you bind or pack, you have to get the things on and off secretly around so many people you don’t know. Some events are in other countries. For a lot of events, there isn’t any cell service so in the off-chance something goes wrong and you have no one to help you…. You’re Cooked.

★ Transparency to some capacity is best. Whether it’s just a couple group members that know or the whole group knows, someone’s support is your greatest safety net. If you find a group you want to trial, I recommend first shooting an email rather than meeting face to face. Ask if they’re looking for new members, if they already are, that you would be interested in a trial. Add that you’re trans and you want to know if this is an issue, there’s really no other way to ask this. It’s complex, but really they’re not allowed to tell you no on grounds of discrimination, however you can gauge how accepting they are by their response. If they’re suddenly not looking for new members or they play email tag over weeks with no clear answer, pass. Being upfront about it if you’re pre-everything will save you wasting time on groups who don’t want to work with you.

★ Research local regiments/groups you want. Searching near your county may mean you won’t have to travel too far for events, but not always. And you don’t have to stay local, I find groups accept members from just about anywhere in the UK, even outside it sometimes! It’s also good to have some research done on the regiment/battalion you want.

★ Next, big, very important: World War re-enactment is a very Actual Military dominated hobby, and you’ll be exposed to all that entails. I say this to give you a heads up as to the social environment you’re entering into which not many trans people may consider. There’s no way to engage with this area of group reenactment that is completely divorced from the genus of the military as it exists today, even for historical education. The groups I’ve met as well as my own are comprised mostly of veterans, people currently serving, or those from military/first-responder families. In my own observation, world war groups feel more like off-shoot capillaries of the military as opposed to doing something like medieval reenactment or a Jacobite. They are run, funded, and supported in full or part by current/ex military members and organisations. Now obviously it’s not the real military, you’re not enlisted, you’re not going to get court-martialed if you do something wrong! However, these groups try to hold themselves to the same professionalism that you would get if you were actually in the forces cos you’re portraying someone in the military—albeit 1916–who would’ve held themselves to the same standards. There’s fun, there’s jokes, but you stand up so straight on inspection that it’s uncomfortable, eyes front, you never fool around with a weapon, you do what you’re told, and you try to help out every member as best you can cos you’re a unit. It’s a balance between being serious and fun. I know I’m silly outside it, but once I’m on site, it’s time for more discretion. You’re first and foremost an educational historical actor, and as such you’re required to conduct yourself in the public eye as a service member—someone’s ancestor—representing a real regiment that more than likely still exists. This is not a Ren Faire environment. A reenactment group does not exist in a vacuum and neither do the world wars. Not every group is as connected with the Real military as others, but this is just a Heads Up in case interacting with these entities contributes to making you feel “unsafe” in your position.

★ There is also that complicated grey area of how even the most progressive group still exists within a network of current systems which are traditional and affects the way that group must present itself to the public and their Real Military Counterparts they are inseparable from. World war reenacting is still deeply intertwined with current forces and old tradition because the wars and their decades are still within collective consciousness and still hot topics of discussion. Some people really take issue with trans people in the hobby, we all know this, so even as supportive as a group may be, many choose for safety to be on the DL when engaging with other hobbyists whom you don’t know (outside of your group). I personally don’t know any other trans men active in WW groups, though I know they’re out there. That alone should give you an idea as to how Quiet we keep it for safety, even if, bless them, our cis group mates would gladly tell someone off for being transphobic. Though having to be on the DL to anyone outside your group at events for someone who is pre-everything can be anxiety inducing. It’s why I say it’s for your own benefit that at least someone in your group 100% has your back.

★ Lads love teasing each other and will tease you, with love, but don’t be the doormat for anything transphobic. As is the case with the real military, jokes/teasing is an integral part of the camaraderie and as I said, lots of people doing WW reenacting are current/ex military. Short jokes @ me are common, they’re made with love, it’s not transphobic or malicious. While someone messing with you is common cis male bonding, don’t hesitate to tell someone steady on if they go over the line or they’re genuinely being malicious before you go to the sergeant with a formal complaint. It’s usually an immediate apology and then never doing it again. And as said, don’t let transphobic teasing slide. If there is any phobic joke that could fly under the radar to someone not privy, it would be jokes equating you with someone called “Bob” so if you ever hear that one—if you don’t already know what that means—definitely bring that up to someone!

★ A tip for cis male dominated spaces: self-confidence, optimism, and a general good nature will get you far. Being extremely, constantly awkward or aloof from dysphoria or fearing cis men will tend to get you “othered”. It can be hard to be more vocal or confident if you’re anxious not having had many dealings with cis male social groups, but my advice is to try to be as casual as possible, shaking hands with eye contact, going about your business, and Being Normal about guys walking around half naked in the mornings or accidentally catching sight of your mate’s bits. Generally, if you’re not Weird about them, no one’s Weird about you!

★ It’s also a mutual respect-based environment. As long as you’re mature, level, putting in the effort, are quick to learn, friendly, and doing your bit in the group, chances are you will get along with everyone fine and they will get along with you regardless of anyone’s politics or beliefs, which I think is most trans people’s fear for this hobby. Everyone is aware infighting and heated debates over anything can destroy a group or bring harm against yourself or your mates, which is why I’ve found if you simply say you don’t feel comfortable talking about something, people back off cos they respect that. Trans or not, if you’re abrasive or egotistical, just like any social situation, respect for you goes down.

★ People are more than happy to impart knowledge, there are lads who could easily talk for hours about one thing if you get them going so don’t be afraid to ask questions! If you’re nervous about asking someone for help with drill, kit, etc it’s less “How do you not know this?” and more “I’m SO glad you asked!” It’s sort of like having a group of brothers for the weekend, always teaching you something. I find reenactors can never pass up an opportunity to thoroughly explain something (myself included) and sometimes even unprompted will just point to something you’ve got and start telling a story about it. Everyone, even elder members, learn something new every event

★ In terms of clothing sizing, I’ve got stereotypical male proportions (bar my height) so I can’t speak much from personal struggle on this one. Most modern-made reenactment gear is quite amply sized, which is fine if you’re larger but is a pain if you’re smaller. Most groups will have spare kit in diff sizes you can borrow on trialling them, and there are good videos on YouTube to familiarise yourself with all the parts and how to care for them, and of course you can ask me here as well. If you want something yourself, everyone and their mums starts out with Soldier of Fortune these days, and owning your own trousers/tunic of course means you can tailor it if need be. You’re also looking at around at least £600 for a relatively complete kit, but tbh it’s easily over £1000 weapons and extras included.

★ On clothing, maybe it’s cos I’m short, but your grey flannel is your best friend if you have to get changed in front of someone and don’t want them to see your Downstairs. The greybacks are quite long I find, so as long as it’s on, you can change trousers and sometimes even undergarments without flashing anyone.

★ On getting changed: always try to be the first to get ready, it doesn’t look weird, you just look on top of things! Do a bit of recon when you can about changing spaces and the toilet situation cos you might be able to get creative where you change, including in your sleeping bag. It’s good to try to get at least an undershirt and bottom half on before the group wakes up, you easily put on tunic and boots and the rest alongside everyone else. You might even find you just end up sleeping in kit, sometimes we do that. Getting to the toilet first also means you not only avoid being late for inspection trying to sort yourself, but you’re not after the lad with the Least Desirable morning routine (and believe me, there will be at least one, if not more).

★ Though sleeping in the same space and getting ready around each other is usually expected, it’s not mandatory. For some multi-day events, it may be possible to go home and come back the next morning so you don’t have to sleep/change with the rest of the boys. It’s possible to show up to events already kitted and leave kitted so you don’t need to change at all. If you’re all staying in a hotel, you can get a separate room or if everyone is staying at camp, you can stay in a local inn if there is one. If you’re under canvas, you can always bring a separate tent and sleep by yourself. HOWEVER, because sleeping together (and drinking till 3 AM) and getting ready polishing brass or making breakfast is a Group Bonding Experience just be aware you’ll miss out on that bonding if you go off alone a lot or cut events short to go home/come back, if having more bonding is particularly important to you!

★ If you’re binding, it’s worth noting depending on what exactly you’re doing you carry anywhere between 20-50 extra pounds on your person. There is decent physical activity, you are with equipment on your feet for most of the day, and hobnail boots are not the most comfortable. Being in an entirely wool uniform on a baking, humid day in a binder would be absolutely bloody miserable. You would have to take the binder off after all that lest you hurt yourself. Also, if you join a Highland Regiment, it is not a good idea to pack. And I’m not talking about your kit bag. If your Swagger Stick falls out on a demo in front of hundreds of families, there is no coming back from that, there really is no room for Oopsy in that scenario, it’s not worth the embarrassment!

★ As for starting projects yourself… that’s a tricky one. If it’s like a little reenactment group, that’s a massive undertaking, I could write a novel about that alone and the money and insurance and complex social things that would involve. There are ways you can do solo reenactment for educational purposes, though this requires having a relationship with whatever venue is hiring you such as a museum. While doing a scout or medic would be easy enough, doing a fully kitted infantryman would be a bit harder. If you have weapons like a rifle or bayonet, you need a permit to carry them. Solo reenacting also requires you to know A TON of information, not just about the war, but the surrounding time period give or take 20 years, your entire kit, gear, and loads of other things.

★ In conclusion, as intimidating as this can seem to navigate around cis men as a trans man for (potentially) the first time in a very military, traditionally masc environment…. I think as long as you come into it with the same attitude as any young man would at the time, you’ve got pals to back you up, and you try to be cheery and do your bit, you’re likely to do just fine and have fun! I know reenactment can seem like the straight white old male phobic hardcore conservative hobby, but it is a really rewarding experience as long as you take some precautions, there are some genuinely lovely people in it, eager to pass on their knowledge. If you feel a group is not a good fit, you can always leave, and there will be other groups who will be more than happy to have you. While I can’t say I’ve met any trans men in my time doing it, I’ve at least met some other LGB reenactors who are really lovely and very supportive.

Hope something here puts your anxiety at ease, or at least doesn’t make anything worse! If it’s of any comfort, I think groups as a whole are becoming much more supportive of LGBT+ members. I think the coming generations that are starting to have more active involvement in this area of reenactment look to be making it better for LGBT+ people to participate in historical education and overall hobby engagement.

Cheers! x

[writers-requiem]

Title: A Father's Love

Genre: Marvel, Platonic, Headcannons, X-Men

Pairing: Hank McCoy x child/teen!Reader

TW: None

Parents and their children is a complex relationship that everyone experiences or witnesses to some extent. And Hank is no exception.

Yes, his parents loved him and wanted the best for him, but as shown in the early days of the comics, for all his introspective nature, he isn't immune to wallowing in self pity to the point of ignoring others' pain.

But this time, we're talking about Hank as a father himself, and on Earth 41001, he is a great dad. But here on Earth 8096, we have no relevant information on that. But I will try my best with these headcannons.

For starters, he would be a bit nervous about being a parent. Okay, very nervous.

Given the life he lives, it makes sense. He doesn't want to put you in harm's way just because he himself is a mutant and superhero.

He often stresses over your safety and often makes frequent check-ins even in the heat of battle to make sure you're okay.

He also makes it a habit to give you weekly check ups to make sure your health is in good condition, you're eating your fruits and veggies, the works.

When he isn't worried about your safety, which is when you two are in the same place and you're in his line of sight, he makes it a point to let you have some room to breathe so you don't feel like he's overbearing.

He'd be the one to bring you warm soup, blankets, water and medicine when you're sick.

He enjoys it when you pay him a visit to his lab. Especially when you take an interest in what he's doing and even mentors you in science.

If he found you as a baby, he would sleep on the couch with you cradled in his arms.

If you have trouble sleeping, he'll try giving you melatonin, sleepytime tea and a weighted blanket. And if that doesn't work, he'll ask if you want him to sleep with you.

Gives the best hugs and loves getting hugs himself. Man's a giant teddy bear.

If you were interested, he'd teach you how to train your feet to be prehensile and allow you to hang from the rafters like he does.

If you're really young, he'll do a bunch of tricks that he can do with no issue for your amusement and astonishment.

Does inventory checks to make sure you have what you need.

Regardless if you do or don't have powers of your own, he'll do everything in his power to make extra sure that you feel safe with him and the other X-Men.

If you end up saving his and the team's lives on a mission, he'll be genuinely surprised and utterly proud of you. And if you take the battle from that point, he'll be cheering you on along with the others.

When he introduces you to his parents, they'll love you just as much as they love him.

If you had a run-in with his dark doppelganger, he is livid. Nobody manipulates or harms his child and gets away with it!

If you have a lot on your mind, he's right there to help you decompress and sort out your thoughts one at a time.

If someone insults you for having a mutant father, and you react by using your power to humiliate them, he's not amused but is understanding of why you did what you did.

Will be willing to share stories from his childhood and early adult life. Some of them are informative, others are just for laughs.

You show at an early age that you have a similar knack for science and tech like he does and he is proud to tutor you on everything he knows.

Likes to take you for little trips through the country side or on camping getaways.

The instant you say a swear word in front of him, he knows that Logan had some hand in that development.

Likes to sing you sweet little melodies to lull you to sleep. And he would do it all the time if you were really young.

He's basically your blanket at home during fall and winter. He doesn't want you catching a cold now.

He tried using Gen Z slang, much to your and the other's collective dismay. But you all found out it annoyed Logan especially, so you two use it only when Logan is around to annoy him.

If you asked him how to dance for prom, homecoming, a ball, he would set aside whatever it was he was doing to teach you.

If you had a hard time calling him anything along the lines of "dad" he won't hold it against you. But the moment you call him dad, it takes both of you off guard. But all he can do in that moment is take a deep breath and hug you.

Would definitely take you out for little picnics every once in awhile.

Been a long time since I had done some headcannons like this! Thanks for taking the time to read!

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

Do you think it'd be possible to rehabilitate Marked Men? If so, how do you think it'd go?

You guys ask such good, interesting questions!

I've been thinking about this one for a bit. Summed up, my answer would be that you could probably rehabilitate them physically enough to remove them from The Divide without them dying, given enough time, but I think that mentally/psychologically they're pretty much gone, so the ethics of doing so are questionable at best.

With the Marked Men, it's established in Lonesome Road that these guys are basically existing in a sort of perpetual "living death" where they consistently have these major traumatic injuries that would otherwise kill them, but they're kept right on the verge of life and consciousness by the insane levels of radiation in The Divide/along the Long 15. They're literally being flayed alive by the high-speed sandy winds kicked up by the storms that plague the area, as in "skin sliced from muscle", and they're constantly getting into skirmishes and tearing strangers (as well as one another) limb-from-limb, which would only result in more injuries.

The root of the issue is that these ghouls are basically radiation-dependent, right? Other ghouls benefit from the presence of radiation (increased healing rate, overall better feeling, energizing effect), but Marked Men need high levels of radiation to even stay alive. Maybe if you slowly, and I mean over a matter of weeks or months, moved further and further down the Long 15 back towards Vegas, really taking your time, you could acclimate them to the lower levels of radiation as well as allow their wounds time to heal enough to no longer be fatal.

But what are the implications for you if you have to remain immersed in all those rads for that long? Who's to say you wouldn't begin to turn into a ghoul yourself? At the very least, you'd be incredibly sick and flying through Rad-X and Radaway at a genuinely concerning rate. And it's not like you can waltz up to one of them and say "Hey, buddy! You wanna come to Vegas with me?" or tell them "I have to leave the canyon for a few days or I'm gonna die from radiation poisoning. Stay here!". They're gonna fight you the whole time and be genuinely quite dangerous when they do it, and the second you turn your back, they'll flee or kill you because they feel instinctually that that's what's best for their self-preservation.

Even if you could get them to a point of medical stabilization, it would by no means be an end to their physical pain (which can literally send you into shock and kill you itself) or the fact that none of them seem to have control of their mental faculties anymore by the time you encounter them. Sure, they demonstrate some minor ability to coordinate themselves, but I see that as more of a "terrified animals desperately defending the fire that saves them all from the dark" than something that teases at more complex thought processes. They don't even use words. Even completely feral ghouls outside of The Divide will sometimes use individual words (granted, those words are things like "Pain!" or "Kill!", but even that conveys some level of ability to understand what they're perceiving and to communicate that; Marked Men don't even have that as far as I recall.)

My theory as to why they would not recover mentally is that, like with the rest of the body, there will simply eventually be pieces of you that can no longer regenerate/heal properly, and they will age and rot as they should, even if ghouls are basically incapable of dying from non-trauma. This would include the grey matter that makes up the brain, and once a certain percentage of it is gone, you will see irreparable changes to that person's demeanor, behavior, and reasoning skills. Marked Men and feral ghouls in general, in my opinion, basically have a form of severe dementia that only occurs in people who survive ghoulification/live longer than the natural human life span.

I think these poor people are tired beyond a level any of us could ever comprehend. I think they're victims of something that should have ended a long, long time ago, and I think all they really know now is fear and pain. In my personal opinion, it's best to quickly and compassionately relieve them of their suffering.

[laufire]

tell me more about the Bruce Wayne womb envy theory

LOL. alright then.

tbh this was mostly a joke, born from this post (+ probably influenced by the way one of my mutuals talks about david 8 in the alien prequels but that's neither here nor there xDD)

(david 8 character of all time though. I have mixed opinions on both of those films but he as the common thread uniting them is *chef's kiss*)

(also I don't really believe these men / "men" in david's case want to be pregnant but that's because I can't conceive of anyone wanting to be pregant if nature has spared them the ability to become so whether they choose to or not, but I acknowledge those are MY gender issues. bruce can have others if he wants xD)

but if I was to take it seriously and run with it, I'd relate it to how I can see bruce... wanting to have had his kids earlier in life. seeing them grow, getting to enjoy them in those early stages when they're cute and fully depend on you and don't argue back, etc. that desire would be tinted with guilt in dick's case and to a lesser extent tim's, I suppose. I've always seen dick's parents and the environment in the circus presented as a positive one for dick (I have yet to read any of that court of owls shit lol), but I do think the drake's were neglectful/emotionally distant/not people tim could rely on, just not in the way or to the extent fanon presents. otoh... well, there's an argument to be made that maybe the waynes and the drakes weren't so different, or were around the same place in the spectrum of parenting in terms of good versus bad (source: thomas backhanding bruce in batman #430), and that bruce might've had blind spots with them as a result. I have yet to read any comic where bruce judges the drakes parenting though I wouldn't be surprised if they did exist, cause he's hypocritical like that. either way, I think tim's not in the same place as dick in this scale of guilt vs. saviour complex lol.

meanwhile in jason's, cass's, and damian's cases, that wouldn't be an issue because he'd seen it as sparing them pain / saving them. which wouldn't be innacurate, although there's an argument about whether being raised by bruce would've fucked them up in other ways lol.

and ironically, I think bruce would feel this saviour complex the most with jason, despite his situation with the todds (no matter whether you believe they were shitty parents or just fellow victims of circumstance or something in between) being objectively not as much of a shitshow as being raised the way cain raised cass OR being raised within a cult with the expectation of eventually leading it, like damian.

I attribute this to how bruce's classism always made him perceive taking jason in and adopting as the act of saving jason, both from his situation and from jason's "fate" of becoming a violent criminal himself, while cass and damian came to be in bruce's care under different circumstances. and second, to how bruce perceives jason's abilities vis a vis cass's or damian's. cass and damian were trained, obviously weren't born knowing, but they are "prodigies", if only because of how young they started. bruce doesn't even seem to contemplate the possibility of them distancing themselves from the fight. moreover, jason was trained later and by him, specifically because bruce felt lonely, all of which would add a feeling of responsibility for jason's end. but most of all, due to his death (+ might makes right + just world fallacy + other such fun things), jason's abilities are perceived by bruce as lesser, and as less of an ~inherent part of him.

so, yeah, jason will always trigger his saviour complex in an extra fun way xDD

all of this to conclude that now I have this vision of bruce having a weird dream soon after jason's death where things are happy at home (his parents are alive in the dream, because that's a prerequisite for a happy one), and dick is a much younger kid than he was when they first met (it's sort of implied dick is also biologically his but not outright stated), and he's pregnant, and he knows it's with jason, who's safe and sound encased in bruce's body, where nothing can reach him.

(I wrote a bruce + grief fic very recently already but this idea is also tempting me now ñalsdjfasf)

[ctimenefic]

fic writer interview

thank you for the tag @testarossa, this was a lovely indulgent way to spend an evening. @prettydangrotten, @onadarklingplain and @rockyteriyaki, if you care to play I'll put my chin in my hands and kick my feet as I listen like we're in a 90s movie sleepover

How many works do you have on ao3?

22 posted

What’s your total word count?

total word count: 166,741

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

they're all in the Daredevil (Netflix) fandom, and all Matt/Foggy. Let's swap chests today (mutant AU), Invisible Ink (Tattoo Artist AU), A Wizard Did It (um.... Magical Statue AU?), Indelible Ink (Tattoo Artis sequel) and Shampoo, Rinse, Repeat (or how I ruined haircuts for myself for four years). Do you see how I gave myself a complex about only writing AUs?

Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

I try to! I've been fairly good about it recently. But I've had periods where I've been almost entirely out of fandom, and there's a pile in my inbox that are years overdue replies. And I reply because they make me feel good and I want to appreciate that! Every now and again I sit down an answer a pile from, like, 2020 with a biiiig apology and it genuinely lifts my spirits to do so.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

dust and ashes. sometimes we process grief on the internet!

but for f1 rpf specifically, well. That'll be either the living and the dead or no second chances, depending on which mid-season driver change devastated you most.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

oh god nearly all of them in some way or another, I love a happy ending (in fact there's an ask in my inbox right now that's indirectly about that). in terms of feeling like sunlight after a storm, three's a crowd. the rest are more soft landings after a gentle flight, imo.

Do you write crossovers?

Sort of. I've written MCU fic that crossed over with X-Men before Deadpool got there. And there's some others languishing in my G-drive.

If AUs based on established media count, then yeah, definitely - I've got some (thinly drawn) ideas for Inception and James Bond F1 rpf fics.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I don't think so! if I have, I forgot. I forget many things.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, yes I do. And it's getting smuttier. What kind, um- idk, there tends to be a plot attached, or a plot emerges eventually. It's mostly slash? (Does Rule 63 George count as slash or nah??)

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I have a vague recollection of reading something once that made me go 'hmmmm' but once again, my memory issues save me from recalling if it was actually a thing or if it was a two Dennis the Menaces situation.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No but I had my first podfic made this year! nony podficced positive negatives and don't like a gold rush, which is great because I consider them sister fics.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I am cowriting one right now with @latecomersprivilege. It's about the Australian GP and orgasm denial. Yes, this year's Australian GP. We're so good at meeting deadlines and writing in a timely manner (it's completely my fault).

What's your all-time favourite ship?

Merlin/Arthur, from BBC's Merlin. I only have one Merthur fic that I've let stay alive, but Merlin still occupies such a peculiar place in my life. I watched every season live, I participated in fandom to an extent I probably never will manage again - I loved those boys. I love them still.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

that one enjolras/grantaire fic that was going to be my magnum opus and ground to a halt at 20k. Some folders of my G-docs are cemeteries.

What are your writing strengths?

Worldbuilding, I think. Or, since that's quite a broad term, creating worlds that feel lived in. I'm not necessarily coming up with crop rotations and a full economy, but I think I'm good at suggesting the picture continues beyond the frame of the story. Also, I like to think I have a grasp on rhythm.

What are your writing weaknesses?

length length length. I hit 20k in a doc and my brain stutters to a stop, which means I really struggle with executing ideas that deserve longer. I am also very bad at editing. This is a terrible trait. And I write slooooowly.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I get very nervous about this as a mono-lingual person, because I don't want to end up turning actual languages into catchphrases? But I also want to reflect how our international blorbos speak. I do LOVE when authors make a point of saying someone is speaking in French etc vs English, even when it's translated for the reader, to make a point about intimacy.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

harry potter. scoured that from the internet a while ago

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

I have an elaborate strollonso fic in me. Unfortunately I do have to write the 50k galex fic it's a sequel to first. And, uh, remember what I said about length being a weakness of mine?

What's your favourite fic you've written?

I did a five favourite fics ask a couple of months back, and it mostly holds true, but I think I have to add three's a crowd now, because it kind of snuck up on me as a concept, and I damn near hated it by the end of writing it, and then was embraced so kindly by readers I could actually look at it anew and remember why I wanted to write it. And that's quite precious.

[veryaren]

florimatt blab. pretty much entirely about their characterization (and how often it's freaking. RAN INTO THE GROUND)

they r another ship!!! alongside crap like aesvic WHOSE CHARACTERIZATIONS I HOLD NEAR AND DEAR TO MY HEART........

everytime Matthias is written with someone's VERY THINLY VEILED desire to bang him I cry. CAN YOU NOT. (this also goes with Andrew!!! as someone tagged on one of my other posts. if u see this ily/p because that is ridiculously real. miserable looking men do not need to be written/drawn like dick will save them! PLEASE)

they tend to heavily romanticize his psychosis (? for lack of an exact term) and his basically nonexistent self worth. they either AMPLIFY both to the max but then make him suddenly stop once Florian comes into his life or just DOWNPLAY it super hard to the point of erasure. (I absolutely understand if it's not mentioned much/at all in smaller pieces/lighthearted fics and such but if you're going to write his issues atleast try not to do it so poorly!!!)

it's so painful to see Matthias' back arched looking up at Florian with his face airbrushed red. that man is twenty four.

ANYWAY. MOVING ONTO FLORIAN. why do people make him out to be some kind of weird backward concept who only ever feels insanity. Like I know that his trailer is intense. He is intense. Most media we have of him so far alludes to his very dubious grasp on morality. BUT JESUS. can we not have him deadass assaulting Matthias?? Or being written like freaking mirai nikki. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK. FOR THAT NOT TO EXIST? How do you sit in front of a device and write that.

as for the way people write his obsessive behavior. i think a lot of people forget that it stems from grief. most of his issues are SCARILY unheathy coping mechanisms he adopted after his parents died. the whole savior complex and miracle shtick.

to write that sort of obsession as if it was just. for no real reason. or to romanticize it as a pull force for a ship is just. icky. YK???? honestly a lot of this is just romanticization problems (i say about the idv fandom for the millionth time) . and I don't say this to mean their relationship HAS to be healthy and perfect. in all honesty neither of them seem to be in a great state of mind to handle a relationship. they are not perfect people at all

but sometimes that's a quality driving point. (and I don't mean that from a perspective of glamorization. more like, when that kind of situation is written with well fleshed out characters it just makes a genuinely interesting story. I hope this makes sense)

IN SHORT. Matthias is a grown man who can absolutely stand on his own as an interesting character with REAL personality and Florian (while having a blurred distinction of moral and immoral) is STILL a person! Not just a violent personification of someone's desire for Matthias!!!!!!!!

thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!

[fiddlepickdouglas]

Disclaimer: This post is an interpretation of some of the Barbie movie's themes and messages, particularly struggles men are faced with. That's its focus. It is not exhaustive of all possible takes or understandings of the film, either mine or others. If talking about men as equal human beings is a problem for you, feel free to ignore this post and then block me. Otherwise, carry on.

One of my favorite parts of Barbie is when Gloria is doing Barbie's makeup toward the end and they're talking about overturning everything that the Kens have done to Barbieland, where Barbie expresses how she just didn't expect her Ken to act out so drastically. Gloria tells her it's because he has feelings for her, hinting that creating Kendom is how he tried to express those feelings and his upset with the constant rejection he's gotten. And when Barbie starts to say she's afraid of hurting him by going behind his back Gloria stops her.

I could praise that moment alone for showing how women need to stop apologizing for the feelings of others, but this is really key: Gloria doesn't trash talk Ken. She states the bad things he did but she never equates those actions with who Ken is, because they're not. I feel like any other film would've gone the route of "He's an asshole/You don't need him/Dump the douchebag/Why do you care about him when he's treated you like this?" (and to be fair I have a huge tendency to go that way myself)

Gloria doesn't even know Ken! But she was right not to immediately act like he was garbage. I don't know if she got that understanding from Barbie herself or just from being a long-term Barbie doll lover and employee at Mattel, but it stands out to me. We even see proof that none of the Kens are truly bad! In the beginning of the film they're just dudes (Just Kens, lol, I set myself up for that)! Dudes that don't even know what they don't know and can't be blamed for it.

Because the truth is that men are not inherently trash and their actions do not come from an innately evil place. Unfortunately for men, especially in the west, society has come up short in teaching them how to deal with and properly express how they feel in favor of power and saving face. Emotions hold bigger weight than they even know, but the modes they've been allowed are generally aggression, romantic passion, and cool. Nothing outside the lines. Imagine trying to sort a giant ball of complex emotions into one of those three things and stay normal.

Gloria understands that the lack of emotional maturity and regulation is where Ken's dramatic tantrum stems from. While she has experience with the patriarchy and knows how to deal with it because of the situation in the real world, I find it fascinating that her character is the one to understand both sides because she also has experience as a matriarch. (I could be wrong, but it seems like she's the breadwinner of the household. The role of her husband I have no commentary on other than que Dios lo bendice, el pobre no se puede hablar español).

So while Barbieland agrees to barely give the Kens back any power (an extremely accurate reflection of what women get in the real world), the film and its characters ultimately don't villainize or punish them further for their wrongs. Punishment isn't always the right action when someone is wrong (insert commentary on Barbie and Ken constantly getting put in jail in the real world vs. no such thing happening in their own). Sometimes it's simply helping them understand what they're dealing with and guiding them through the ordeal step by step.

Painting the Kens as all bad would've ignored what a Ken is. He is a doll just like Barbie. Ken's issue is that he's unloved and the only form of love he has been given to accept is romantic love. What he and all the other Kens begin to discover at the end of the film is self love, which is just as important, if not more.

Now I'm going to rephrase that last paragraph.

Painting men as all bad ignores what a man is. They are humans just like women are. Most men's issue is that they are unloved and the only form of love they've been given to accept is romantic love. What the men of this world need to discover is self love, which is just as important, if not more.

[newx-menfan]

“X-Force # 1 Review”

*Spoilers*

The issue starts with Sage monologuing about the “complexity” of Forge...

We then see Forge, running simulations on his estate (his house was cooler in the 80’s guys…); where he’s questioning his own mutation and using science to heighten it (and apparently using BEAST as his analogy…not the BEST choice considering recent events…OR ANY EVENTS with HANK…but whatevs Forge….)

Sage…isn’t doing well…and Forge collects her from a mental health facility by showing her a new device he created that apparently “targets crisis points”… (aka Deus Ex plot Machina)

They both head to Japan and Betsy and Rachel show up (with the STRICT RULE that Deadpool isn’t invited!)

A new version of “X-Force” is formed.

The city is a dead zone when they arrive at the place Forge’s “eight ball” drew them to. No psychic readings. No animals, insects, signs of life; and some weird biomass goo everywhere.

Something killed the main grid of the building…

And then….

SURGE ZAPS THEM ALL! (Not as cool as the panels of Krakellion’s reveal…sorry, Surge!)

We find out (after a touching reunion with Surge and Forge) that Noriko returned to Japan after Krakoa fell apart to stay with some cousins (Oooohhh! Are we finally going to get a resolution to Noriko’s family drama????) and some weird sludge started attacking the city (“The Blob…Indescribable…Indestructible…Nothing Can Stop It!) 

The goo attacks one of the humans Surge saved and the group tries to fight off the goo while calling in Tank and Deadpool (SORRY Betsy!).

Forge hired Wade for this mission; they fight the goo and get the people away using telepathy…where suddenly a giant goo monster appears (soooo….we really are just ripping off “the Blob” movie…huh?)

Betsy passes out Jean Grey XTAS style after sensing its “hunger” and Rachel shoots Phoenix psychic rays at it. 

We find out the Fujikawa research facility they’re located at is actually owned by Mr. Sinister (Huh- he really is a global entrepreneur! You gotta GIVE HIM that!)  

We learn that the blob is an alien-mutant hybrid bioweapon.

Tank literally throws Wade at the blob (hope the money was worth it Wade 🤣), to use Deadpool as some sort of pill because of Wade’s cancer and regeneration … literally starving the poor Goo Monster to death(Poor goo monster 🥺)

They head to Wakanda (apparently NO closure on Surge’s family then…boo!😐) to stop the next danger.

I CAN’T ever get these QR codes to work on Kindle…so…I don’t know what the “extra” panel was 😒.  (really HATE this idea Marvel)

Review:

People have criticized this issue for being slow,  a generic “by the numbers” x-story, and with little characterization…and I am kind of inclined to agree.

While reading- I found myself tuning out, listening to music while I read, kind of wondering when it would be over, and finding the plot kind of..unbelievable….and going against a lot of previous established canon…

I would compare it to Bishop’s Krakoa mini a year or so back (ironically Surge was in that book too!)- it was a “okay” book… but nothing particularly special or exciting about it. 

There was a POSSIBLY for it to be good…it had great ideas… but ultimately the execution was just mediocre.

I am going to be honest …Forge and Surge are the major reasons I have for continuing to read this series, after a pretty lackluster start.

I never really cared for Sage or the Tessa retcon- she was fine in “X-treme X-Men”…but she’s never been a character I cared much for…

I don’t particularly like Betsy or Rachel together- I hated the recent “Excalibur” book and found their relationship really poorly developed. 

Truthfully- Claremont is the only one who can, in my opinion, write a compelling Rachel. Other authors have always fallen flat.

While I am fine with her being LGBTQIA+ (Rachel’s chemistry with Kitty or even Magma was always better than the forced hetero-relationships they put her in…); I am just not really sold on this couple.

Surge’s moments with Forge were nice- I always really liked their connection and am glad we are seeing more done with it.

I am disappointed we didn’t get Noriko’s past explored more (fans have desperately WANTED a story of Noriko in Japan for a while now!); also I felt like the “cousin” angle didn’t really work since Noriko was homeless initially in NYC and following the dissolution of the X-Men, went to Colorado to find Dani…instead of just returning to Japan to “extended family”…

Overall I just wasn’t impressed.

It’s too bad because there was a time when “X-Force” had some of the best runs on the “X-line”….now it is consistently the X-books worst series and the one people immediately drop 😬.

Theories/Predictions:

Is Forge gonna go “Beast” levels of batshit crazy/jumping the shark??? Only time will tell 😜🤣

[gracemarkss]

my biggest issue with chris carter is honestly that i cannot for the life of me pin down what exactly he's trying to communicate about bodily autonomy and reproductive exploitation. these are clearly central themes of the show and he's got a real preoccupation with women's reproductive capabilities especially. the entire plot under-girding the show is an international government conspiracy in which, in order to fend off an alien invasion or develop military weapons or both, women are abducted, experimented on, and impregnated without their knowledge in order to create hybrid superhumans with weird powers; these women are subsequently tracked and then disposed of via an incurable cancer. i think the show generally frames this as an ultimately fruitless effort, which solves nothing and creates more problems than it solves. this project is evil, medical rape is bad, and what's happened to these women is a terrible injustice. the ends - potentially saving the world, or at least some of it, from some sort of apocalyptic event - do not justify the means.

but then you have small potatoes, post modern prometheus, the william plot. we're supposed to laugh at the woman who genuinely believes she's given birth to luke skywalker's baby. we're supposed to feel sorry for the monster, because all he wanted was a female companion. in both small potatoes and pmp, women who lack the ability to get pregnant otherwise, whether due to infertility or no male partner, are impregnated via rape, and both episodes seem to communicate an "all's well that ends well" message because these women wanted children and they got them. the women in small potatoes thought they were having sex with their husbands; the women in pmp were unconscious; the result was children and that was the goal these women were working toward; everything's find. both episodes have comedic, whimsical tones; neither rapist, imo is truly held accountable for their crimes (even though van blundht goes to prison, he basically gets the last word, and while i find him pathetic i feel the episode wants him to be seen as sympathetic - he's such a romantic, women just won't give him the time of day because he's ugly)

with william, carter obfuscates the reality of his conception and presents the possibility that he is the product of csm artificially inseminating scully while she's unconscious. but scully is another woman who wanted a child, thought it wasn't a possibility, and got one anyway. does it matter that she may have experienced a terrible violation in the process?

idk maybe i'm missing something vital, but i can't figure it out. i can't parse what he's trying to say about these themes that are so central to the story he's writing. rape is bad when it's the government but ok if it's a lonely sad sack guy, especially when it results in pregnancy and the victim really wanted a kid? women should be ok with pregnancy regardless of how it came about?

i feel like carter views women's reproduction as though it's magical or divine and not a basic biological process that exists everywhere in nature (one that in humans does indeed make women vulnerable to exploitation and violence; controlling women's bodies and reproduction results in a great deal of power and that's why governments, cultural institutions, and individual men have been trying and largely succeeding in doing so for centuries - this is a basic aspect of patriarchy). other people have talked about their interpretation of shades of the madonna-whore complex visible in his writing and the hang ups he seems to have around female sexual desire. what's the difference between the women who are abducted as part of the project, who are framed as victims, and those who are violated in sp or pmp, who are framed more as people to be laughed at, and not explicitly as victimized? what's the difference between the men involved in the project, and van blundht and the monster? why are non consensual pregnancies even utilized as plot drivers in these episodes at all? what are they adding? what is he saying?? it just ends up feeling really gross to me.

this is obviously a fraught and sensitive topic. it's just that these themes are so vital to the overall plot of the show and i feel insane that i can't pin down what we're supposed to take away from them, because the messaging imo is so inconsistent and contradictory. maybe there are no answers and this is just a result of sloppy and insensitive writing as a result of the cc and most of the writers room being men and failing to really grasp the magnitude of these topics.

[raraeavesmoriendi]

there is. Something. about the fact that trans people who are most often treated by the cisgender patriarchal state as Failed Cis Women are getting some serious ‘friendly’ fire in the conversations about peoples’ anxieties re: the state of modern feminism and how those issues have been treated as somehow sidelined

sure, they’re still capable of misogyny. but so is Everyone. it came Free with being raised in a Patriarchal Society. there is no gender, cis or trans, that is somehow immune to being misogynistic.

like, the fact that some trans voices are finally being spotlighted in the feminist movement is much needed and long overdue.

but spinning around to point at people who aren’t women, women-adjacent, or even aligned with any gender, and accuse them of being The Misogynist All Along like some sort of scooby doo villain feels like it’s still vastly missing the point.

like. the people who have the most access to patriarchal privilege are the same white supremacist perisex guys who are passing the laws to try to erase all of us from existence, and the same white supremacist perisex rich guys who have been funneling them money. it’s the cis perisex abled (usually) straight white guys who still get preferential treatment at our workplacss and are still making more money than all of us. it’s the guys who have a whole church congregation behind them. it’s the perisex cis (usually) straight men who are moving to fight feminism bc they think they’re losing something they’re entitled to, the ones who think that male privilege is their birthright. it’s the fucking judicial system. it’s the electoral college we’re staring down the barrel of in november, and the powers that be that want to keep it there.

it is not the guy who also gets misgendered when we both have to show up for our fucking planned parenthood appointments, or the rest of us who always get talked over when we say “please for the love of fuck can we call it reproductive rights instead of tying it to bioessentialist bullshit, there’s more people than just cis women that have issues getting proper care, trans women included” and then got told by well-meaning gen x feminists that “we have to call it women’s rights for now if we want to save roe, we can educate people later”

…and here we fucking are anyway, by the way, which is absolutely part of the reason that the general public needs their concept of feminism refreshed.

but. call me insane (and I am Mad so sure). I don’t think it should be somehow an offense to consider there are multiple types of transphobia to think about as we update this conversation, and the fact that a binarist perisex system will swing itself in different ways to best hit different targets. these discussions are all owed their due. I think there are more complex things at work here than, as typical, gets kicked around in snappy internet posts.

there’s this weird conception right now that people who figured out they aren’t actually women anymore (or never were, define thyself as thou wilt) are somehow amnesiac to misogyny, that suddenly there’s some huge gap there, when like. I don’t know any of us who ever actually escape it.

I still see post-op trans men - with full beards! - who get called poor mutilated, deluded women, and the violence towards them is gendered as such.

I have many, many non-binary or bigender or genderfluid colleagues and friends who, because they cannot afford to medically transition yet (or don’t want to, as is their right) have their social transition outright ignored. and then have the trauma that comes from having your actual self denied in every facet of your life treated as like, ‘woman lite’ or, more heartbreakingly, ‘easy mode.’

like it’s easy, being told from all sides “no you aren’t” when I have my proper pronouns posted every fucking where I can think of, personally and professionally, and there’s a 25% chance they ever get properly used and I ever get acknowledged as myself, because I still have my tits. that if I try to stand up for myself as often as I honestly should and deserve, I will be treated as a difficult and delusional woman. when people (usually cis men) threaten me with violence, it’s misogynistic violence. I am repeatedly misgendered as a woman when I try to see a doctor about anything to do with my uterine system that I did not choose and am actively trying to get rid of, because as long as I have it, people will overlook the part of me that is true for the part of me convenient to their system.

I am a scholar in my genre who specializes in researching the lenses of feminist and queer theory both. they have saved my life on multiple occasions when I did not have hope for my present. I have been aware of my place in the feminist struggle before I knew I was anything other than a woman. part of my gender struggle was a feeling of loss at realizing that maybe, actually, I wasn’t one, no matter how happy I am now in living authentically.

some of the most misogynistic people I have ever had the misfortune to meet are, in fact, cis women. me and the rest of the “theyfabs” are not the ones who are out here talking about “girl dinner” “girl math” “girl roman empire” “why did feminists fight for women to work I don’t want a job.” me and leaf and newt are not the people causing trad wives and stay at home girlfriends to do numbers on video apps. that is cis women. the majority of white cis women, demographically, tend to vote and pass legislature in anti-feminist ways, which is no surprise given the white supremacy involved there. but like. the call is still coming from inside the house, yet I don’t see them being reviled as perpetrators in these posts about feminism needing a revamp in the public eye. only deluded victims of the patriarchy who don’t know what’s good for them. which is also… not great, for misogynistic reasons.

like. I don’t know, this is long and not very articulate, but every so often I see a post circulate that I in theory should be very encouraged and relieved to see, as it affirms something I’ve always known —

only to wonder if I am suddenly going to be specifically charged with one of the main oppressions I have been struggling against my entire life and likely will be until I die, no matter how I try to assert my own autonomy over my life

or if I’m going to be talked over and have my autonomy rejected and ignored again, because I happen to have “what makes us girls.”

“well sock—” like. I apologize, but I don’t understand how I’m supposed to be in on the joke.

[keepsmagnetoaway]

X-Men 96 (December 1975)

Christ Claremont/Dave Cockrum

After the breakneck pace of the initial revial issues, this is sort of a breather in which some groundwork is laid and some important threads introduced - albeit a breather in which the X-Men fight and kill a demon from beyond time and space, so. This demon arrives in a very funny way: Scott is out in the woods angsting about his failure to save Proudstar and eye-beams right through an ancient cairn that somehow entombed a demon. This is the sort of hazard you should have checked fore before moving a bunch of mutants here, Xavier. Also, this isn't even the first time that Scott's angst-blasting has awoken an underground evil!

Meanwhile all the newbies are training, and Banshee - who is sort of not a newbie, you'll recall, and settling into the role of "elder statesman who isn't the leader" - is wearing an absolutely atrocious outfit.

Nothing worse than being dressed like an idiot when you run into someone you really fancy, but that's what happens when he opens the door to the first appearance of a major supporting character - it's Moira MacTaggert! Here introduced as "housekeeper", but this changes, like, next issue to "genius colleague of Xavier" which is certainly for the better.

This is also the issue that gives us this iconic panel.

Moira has been at the mansion for like an hour when this happens. One sign of a good housekeeper is that she immediately locates the armoury and familiarises herself with the weaponry there. Moira's Scottishness is obviously as cartoonish as Banshee's Irishness but somehow I find it less annoying, Moira's great. What is yon kelpie, though? Well, it's this guy.

This is sick, obviously (in the good way). This guy is just some random demon, there's a bunch of dialogue in the issue that attempts to establish lore for him but doesn't really matter, what matters is how fucking bonkers the art gets. Look at this!

That's fucking amazing! One of the wildest, most ambitious panels published in X-Men to date. There's a view that Cockrum's art is quite conservative but I think stuff like this shows that's just not true. Anyway, the demon is defeated by Storm resealing the cairn while Wolverine fights it off, but in the process we get two fantastic little character nuggets, first this:

And then this:

That's it, in both cases: we learn nothing more at this point about either of their pasts, but it's extremely intriguing and thrilling to get a glimpse of complex, unknown backstories for both of them (and, we presume, for the others too): this, even more than Moira, is the major bit of setting-up that's being done in this issue, the suggestion that all these new characters are already deep and storied, we just haven't heard the stories yet.

[littlespacestarbun]

Hello!! I was scrollin through a tf tag and saw ur post bout, indigenous coded aliens and how the fandom treats them.

I understand what coded means and I think I know what ur talking about? but if ur up to it could u elaborate on the “feral tfp op” bit cause I haven’t been in the fandom too long so can’t find what ur talking bout and I genuinely don’t understand but I would like to. if u don’t wanna answer this, it’s chill obviously.

:3 have a good day m8!

Hello! i do not mind elaborating at all!, as an native fan its a topic i don't get to speak on much so thank you!, (sorry in advance this is going to be a bit long),

to start with coding bipoc as aliens, robots, and other non-human creatures is a complex issue of itself, and it can harm bipoc people as well as to uplift us depending on the writers intentions, background details and of era of times of equal right movements,

the topics of coding bipoc as not human vary from person to person on our own lived experiences as bipoc, and i personally have many issues with coding bipoc as not human which are solely negative, the few positve were expections due to bipoc making them or simply them having some sort of positive effect on me instead of bad,

back onto the feral optimus issue, here's my point of view as a native fan,

optimus has personally been this one sort of "oh he's like us" coded indigenous character who's in a good light for me,

unlike every other coded indigenous alien in media i saw as a kid,

optimus prime is one of the few indigenous coded characters in tf as a whole, the others aren't very good due to many factors (thunderclash, wheelie, the combiner team victorion) or vague enough white fans ignore them even being coded at all or other things (omega, beachcomber, ironhide)

for me optimus was the first indigenous coded not human native person i saw painted as a hero,

he was seen as good for having his indigenous culture, beliefs and morals, it wasn't something which was used as making him evil and bad in the story, like a lot of indigenus 'rep' i had to see as a kid

that feeling is something hard to explain but i hold onto with tight hands because of how good it did me as a kid,

its why i have such deep emotional pain with how he's treated by white fans in all stories but tfp was some of the worst of it i had to see by far,

tfp optimus is full on indigenous its in your face with each moment,

to his back story, internal struggles and complex views of him from other characters (with himself and jazz being the only ones with unbias views due to being bipoc themselves),

his very writing feels like the story of a native person who made it out of force assilation and regain his cluture only to be forced into fighting for his rights again against someone who was orignally an ally, trying to assilate him into another opressive ideal,

with this in mind it makes how the jokes of tfp optimus being feral started worst,

alpha trion saying he was diffcult, he didn't fall into order right for his time not around Iacon culture, this is painted as a bad view to have by optimus,

yet the fans took this to mean because optimus lived a tribal life before that he was wild, he ran on all fours, sleep like an animal and needed to be saved from such a wild life to name some of the worst (others include nsfw and its gross),

there's a ton of aus and fanart, fics treating being indigenous to mean, he needs to be fixed, or ones painting being indigenous struggles as not real or small world issues,

these views are deeply intergrated anti-indigenous beliefs, if you look up the wild/savage native man trope and you'll see many racist movies, novels and comics painting native men as beasts who steal white women from white men, or even kill them and r-pd them because indigenous people are as savage animals,

which fall in line with how feral optimus is made with white fans, they treat his indigenous coding as fetish and use him not being human to disconnect the racism in their fanon, aus, fanart and fics,

but that disconnect only exists for them, fans of color see it clear as it is, feral optimus as a fan idea exists because of people being racist to bipoc, the concept is racist rooted in racism and race fetish spaces,

feral optimus prime stuff as fan content has been dying since we've called out on it more but its shows up from time to time and the fandom still suffers from treating bipoc coded characters badly, as a whole which i'd to touch on at some point because people don't see the issue much, and the people we kind of keep to ourselves to keep a sense mind while playing robots ha….ha,

I hope this at least gives some light onto the issue and answers your questions! not many bring it up so being able to explain it was an experience!

thank you for taking the time to ask and i hope you have a lovely day! hopefully this wasn't too wordy and made sense,

[constellationcrowned]

Is there a particular character that you write that you feel deserves more attention? Do you as a writer have a 'type' or trope you're the most drawn to? Out of your cast of characters, who's the best prepared for a crisis? The worst? Who has the best singing voice? Who could be really good at it with some practice? Who has the weirdest hobby, like does someone grow flowers to make their own paints and dyes?

How would (blorbo of your choice, my pick is kariom) react to 'You're just like your mother and/or father'?

((Slapping this under a read more only because I have to answer multiple questions and I might be....wordy. Might.))

Is there a particular character that you write that you feel deserves more attention?: From a general standpoint (and in the interest of just being frank) all of them do considering this blog is incredibly fuckin niche and getting engagement is.....difficult. Not that I'm going to let that stop me, obviously.

Coming from a place of bias personal standpoint it'd be nice for my oc Sishel to get more attention if only so I can flesh him out more, finalize some things, etc.

Do you as a writer have a 'type' or trope you're the most drawn to?: As is the case on my other blog I am heinously in love with sad, damaged men; especially those struggling with what makes them 'human' (or not human, in certain special cases) and how that shifts their perceptions about the outer world and their own internal world. All of the muses on this blog are walking a fine line of some sort---some realize they're on it, some don't---likewise some know that it will kill them to remain/keep walking but, for a variety of reasons, circumstances, etc, refuse to step off said line. I've always loved complex characters that are far, far, far removed from a mere black and white view and I get that in excess here for every character and I love that.

Out of your cast of characters, who's the best prepared for a crisis? The worst?: Sishel is best prepared for a crisis Not only was he trained for such things for one his perspective in a general sense is broad and as a result he's hard to truly surprise. He's not the only one well equipped to handle things, obviously, but he's one of the best.

The worst prepared? Kariom. Sometimes. His dependency upon those he trusts---Flynn, Bo, Milosh, etc---can potentially (if not drastically) hinder him in regards to figuring out, ultimately, what to do during a crisis if they're not actually there beside him. He has a tendency to go from point to point, one thing to the next, and so on, in a very narrow view until the wider issue becomes more manageable which can easily be both a good and bad quality. He won't give up when there's a problem in front of him---and that saves him often, his determination is one of his strongest assets, after all---but he might be slow to act initially or doubt himself if he's alone, stressed, undergoing a shuffling or suffering from do-de, etc.

Who has the best singing voice? Who could be really good at it with some practice?: Kariom is one of the characters with the best singing voices---a talent only further helped by the fact that his head is nigh constantly filled with the various songs and voices of the stars to the point where (provided he's not being hurt by those same voices, that balance is one of his walked upon lines) he'll even try to sing and/or hum them aloud himself, not only as a way to remember them/potentially write them out later, but to share them with others.

In regards to a muse being good at singing with practice Flynn doesn't need it, per se, but you will practically have to pull teeth to get him to sing for you in the first place. If he does it without much fuss/coaxing/begging it's generally for a special occasion like Tigla-Dera or a Rite within the clan that might call for it. Sometimes he sings while he works---usually he just hums while working the field but sometimes he'll sing to the plants and crops---but that's usually only when he knows he's alone. He used to sing to the kiddo when he was little, he even taught him a few songs that he could, at the very least, hum along to if the words were hard to remember.

Who has the weirdest hobby, like does someone grow flowers to make their own paints and dyes?: The Traveler's collection thanks to her 'job' somewhat falls under this; considering she's close to an masterless melalo and yet her explorations, documentations, experiments, and crafting go far beyond mere spiritualism or mysticism and as a result ends up being incredibly physical/tangible in nature. Melalo are hands on too, obviously, but there's a quality of alchemy to the Traveler's work that marks a clear division between the practices.

She's very, very, very hands on with her work; be it for herself or for someone else that she's trying to aid in some way, and that has led her to witness some very astonishing and nightmarish things (to say nothing of how she ultimately interacted with said things) and as a result her 'collection' can be seen as 'strange' by someone viewing it from the outside. Flynn, Junyver and Mares would certainly appreciate it. The distance between benign and pleasing to stark and deadly is incredibly thin with her. And she doesn't know when to stop.

How would (blorbo of your choice, my pick is Kariom) react to 'You're just like your mother and/or father'?: For a multitude of reasons I can't answer this in regards to Kariom (yet) but if you were to say this to Roui---specifically in regards to his father, Churi---he would not take it well in the slightest. Roui would be deeply hurt for the most part; especially when you take into the account the work he puts forth in order to avoid the pitfalls that plagues his entire family line (with incredibly mixed success mind you; not to mention some of the toxicity he doesn't seem to realize that he's already internalized), and saying something like that without keeping his efforts of growth in mind can and will set him off. Roui is working hard to better himself as a person first and foremost and his primary associations of his father are steeped in feelings of pain, abandonment, etc, and are, understandably, hard for him to see past much less reconcile. Yet. It doesn't help that he practically refuses to talk about it in an honest or open way because he's afraid of being judged and misunderstood by others.

He would respond more positively to being compared to his mother (although she too has some rather stark issues that Roui was (and still is) negatively impacted by) especially she's actually present in his life and that gives them the opportunity to repair their frayed relationship and move forward in a healthier and closer way.))

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

My autism diagnosis journey.

I suspected I was autistic since I was 13 years old. I remember reading up on autism at the time (2013) and not finding that any resources on symptoms I could relate to.

I did not think I was “unempathetic”. I always wanted to help people, be comforting to others and be emotionally present and aware. At the time I didn’t realise that what I was feeling wasn’t actual empathy, but that’s a whole different issue.

Either way - I didn’t feel I related strongly related to classical autism at the time, but the label never left my mind. It stuck with me because I knew I was struggling emotionally, physically and mentally in ways that sort of aligned with what I was reading about autism, but not quite perfectly lining up. It doesn’t help that my autistic brain interprets things literally.

I knew that something inside me wasn’t quite like anyone else. I knew that I was different. I just didn’t know what was wrong.

At around 16 I discovered the label “highly sensitive person” or HSP. I found I strongly related to this label in some aspects, but not others. The main ‘symptoms’ of HSP were extremely close to my experience:

Avoiding violent movies or TV shows because they feel too intense and leave you feeling unsettled

Being deeply moved by beauty, either expressed in art, nature, or the human spirit, or sometimes even a good commercial

Being overwhelmed by sensory stimuli like noisy crowds, bright lights, or uncomfortable clothing

Feeling a need for downtime (not just a preference), especially when you have hectic days; needing to retreat to a dark, quiet room

Having a rich and complex inner life, complete with deep thoughts and strong feelings that go with them

(source: What is a Highly Sensitive Person?)

However, as I researched more and more it still felt like a piece was missing. Yes, I had a lot of sensory issues, I was highly sensitive, I was an over-thinker, but none of this explained any of my social struggles. My inability to connect with people, my bluntness and my confusion at language.

This brought me back to autism. I remember reading some posts online about how autism can present differently in women. This really perked my interest. The first source I found that resonated with me was this page from AspienWomen.

Suddenly everything felt like it was clicking into place.

I wasn’t a typical example of autism because people like me haven’t historically been included in autism research. Of course this isn’t just women and genderqueer people, but Black, Brown and Indigenous peoples too. Along with gay/queer men.

I think the main difference between the more recognised form of autism and the hidden autistics is our masking. We often are raised more strictly behaviour wise, and expected to be more sociable for a myriad of different reasons. Unmasking Autism by Devon Price is a great book to read up on more about this.

For a long time I was quite content with my tentative self diagnosis. I rarely shared it with anyone, especially in my real life. I told a few select friends and my partner, but not my family. I found safe spaces online and found more and more things adding to my ‘autism symptoms list’ that I had saved to my google drive.

Autism became another of my secret special interests. I followed accounts on Instagram, joined discord groups and began researching much more intensely. It felt like every aspect of my life could be traced back to autism in one way or another. My special interests, my introversion, my ‘intellect’, my dry and absurd humour, my small circle of neurodivergent friends, my inability to connect with my family...

Finally, at 21 years old, the timing was perfect.

Everyone in my family was busy, and rather uninterested in my day-to-day activities, so I had a lot of private time to sneak onto zoom calls with a psychologist. I had some spare money from my tax return and I had lots of spare time with my part time job.

I decided to get diagnosed privately, as the wait time to see anyone on a public system in Australia is atrociously long. I took all my appointments 3 weeks in a row. Trying to get it done as soon as I could, before any circumstances changed.

I chose a professional who wasn’t a specialist on Autism, but who could diagnose me AND was young, genderqueer and LGBT as I feel more comfortable with people from the community as a non-binary person myself. I felt it would be easier to open up to someone more similar to me, and someone who was less likely to be biased by out-dated autistic stereotypes.

During my appointments my psychologist got to know me first off, asked me questions about why I wanted a diagnosis and why I thought I was autistic. Then we got into a bunch of testing. First I was tested for ADHD with the Adult ADHD Self-Report Scale. I did not score in favour of an ADHD diagnosis.

However I did score quite highly on a multitude of autistic tests. I tested for autism in the Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ), the Ritvo Autism-Asperger Diagnostic Scale-Revised (RAADS-R) and the Adult Sensory Profile (ASP).

So, it is official. At 22 years old I have been officially diagnosed as autistic.

I want to write about how my diagnosis has affected me so far and the emotions I am going through. But I hope this helps anyone else on their diagnostic journey.

- salti

[yuexuan]

[Review]顶端优势

Title: 顶端优势 Top Edge

Author: 空菊

Length: 77 chaptersTag: Modern, cyberpunk, amnesia, age gap, scifi

Summary [taken from novel updates]:

Waking up from cryo sleep, Shen Siwei received an urgent mission: to disguise himself as a noble negotiator and enter the occupied area under the disguise of negotiations, investigating the background of the leader of the refugees, Klet. He thought that his noble identity would serve as protection, but little did he know that those refugees had no limits. As soon as Shen Siwei entered the war zone, a group of men sorted him and imprisoned him. Outside the cage, someone threw coins at Shen Siwei, asking him to strip naked. Just as Shen Siwei’s killing intent grew stronger, Klet finally appeared and put a stop to his subordinates’ misconduct. And then… he himself paid one dollar to buy Shen Siwei.

The mission was progressing slowly, so Shen Siwei sought guidance from his superiors.

Shen Siwei: Can I directly kill Klet?

Superior: No. Find a way to gather information by any means necessary.

Unable to retreat or resist, Shen Siwei was firmly held by Klet, the thug leader. In his heart, he killed this rogue leader countless times, but on the surface, he had tears in his eyes and tried to reason begging: “Please let me go.”

Klet remained unmoved, his voice deep and hoarse: “Behave yourself, and I’ll let you go.”

Not long after, Klet saw Shen Siwei, who handled guns better than him, and realized that this was not a weak beauty but a humanoid weapon.

Klet (gong) x Shen Siwei (shou) Fierce Beast x Carnivorous Flower

Reading Guide: Cyberpunk background with traces of post-apocalyptic elements, no interstellar involvement.

Novel | Novel[translated]

Comments **contain spoilers* :

A short love story between a modified super-soldier suffering from two-times amnesia and the leader of the refugees, how they found each other every time, how MC forgoed his own (implanted) beliefs to place his trust in ML, and how they eventually overturned the existing ruling. 

The basic premise of the story: With the degradation of the environment, humankind was faced with the challenge of surviving off a limited amount of energy. This prompted the release of a law to prevent new births. 25 years ago, Shen Siwei and his team were sent on a mission to kill one of the new births. However, he let the kid go instead and was caught in an explosion, resulting in major injuries and being put into cryo sleep. 25 years later, he was awakened again, in a heavily-modified body. Parts of his memories were erased, in order to render him more obedient to his superiors.

Shen Siwei was sent down to the lower levels to investigate the leader of the refugees: Klet. Little did he know, Klet was the kid he saved and in the course of meeting Klet, he discovered the heinous plans of his superiors, ultimately leading him to rebelling against them.

Some highlights:

In general, I’ll say this is a fun read for the drama and if you don’t read too deeply into the details. As a whole the story is coherent and has a fair amount of twists and tensions. There is also a lot of potential for a complex worldbulding, dwelling into issues such as classicism and environmental inequality (they are, however, just surfacially explored though). For example, the nobles imposed stringent regulations on the amount of energy that commoners receive and established rules constraining new births, all in the name of maintaining harmony. The imposed illusion of homogeneity, however, is fragile, especially when it is revealed that the nobles themselves do not adhere to their own rules. 

The main characters are also entertaining to read about. They have some fun side quirks: for example: Klet likes Spongebob and has a tattoo of Shen Siwei on his chest, the latter of which was often mistaken by Shen Siwei himself for a gorilla. This became a point that Shen Siwei teased Klet a lot about later on. Also, did I mention that Shen Siwei has a knack of ending up naked in front of Klet? Just 20 chapters in and he was already in his birthday suit 3 times.

Given the weird modifications that Shen Siwei received (i.e. strengthening of the skin, changing hair and eye colors) versus the superman-esque genetics that Klet has, it is truly a ‘your freak match my freak’ pairing. 

I do find it awesome that the author used apical dominance as the concept behind the structure of the society. That being said, silly me kept on wondering whether the title of the novel ‘top edge’ had to do with the plant hormones auxin or gibberellin lol.

Now to the reason why I say one shouldn’t read too deeply into the novel…

For one, Shen Siwei is a terrible actor and absolutely sucks at undercover jobs. He revealed himself immediately on his very first mission. It’s almost frustrating to read at parts because the novel made him out to be some highly skilled soldier, but in reality he just sucks at his first job. It is a wonder why his superior didn’t recall him immediately (maybe because Mo Lin isn’t the brightest around either). 

Certain details also didn't make sense - for example, Mo Lin thought about imparting Shen Siwei with the ability to change his eye and hair color, but didn’t think about changing his mask, which was a dead giveaway to Shen Siwei’s identity. Also, it’s reaaaaally hard for me to imagine that no one discovered that the deep sea monsters only attack light sources and that Klet was the first one to find out by accident. Just from an ecologist’s POV, it’s incredibly unbelievable and possibly the most immersion-breaking moment in the entire story. 

There are many similar moments where if you really start parsing the logic of the story, it doesn’t hold that well. I find it a much better read if I just focus on the drama and stop thinking about the details.