#I shouldn't even feel like this... I have parents.. I have a roof above my head.. I have the stuff needed to live ok.. Im not even 16 yet .

[moopbox]

do u ever feel alive but not...

like ur body is alright n stuff but ur mind...isn't... I don't FEEL alive... its like I'm distant from me... I'm not here... I can feel my limbs I can feel the blood going through me I can feel everything that I've ever hurt.. I can breathe...I can see.. i can write these words down....but I'm just not. just not here my head is fuzzy,parts of me hurt..idk..

more in tags...

[therandompagesblog]

Hunting Your Soul Chapter 3 🫀Y/N🫀

Trigger Warnings: Stalking, feelings of uncertainty.

A thud below causes me to wake up out of a restless sleep. It unnerved me to find someone had sent me a gift and I didn't know who they were or what they wanted. I sighed and rubbed my face when I heard the back door slam shut. I bolted up out of bed and went to the window to look at the garden. No one was there. My heart thumped in my chest as I felt a rude awakening. Someone was in my house. Someone who shouldn't be. It could have been my parents but they were not back yet. They were on their anniversary holiday so there was no one in the house. No pets. No fish. Nothing. Sighing. I got up from my bed and put on my slippers to head down the stairs. I turned the light on in the kitchen to look out of the window but I saw nothing. Stupidly, I opened the back door and stepped out into the cold breeze. This time the air felt normal. It was a bitter cold but it was nice. It was soothing considering what just happened until I saw a shadow on the grass. Someone was standing on the roof watching me. Slowly I turned around but they were gone in a heartbeat. "Come out," I asked. It was stupid of me to call out because nothing answered. "Please," I begged but nothing happened. I was frustrated now and was worked up over nothing. I got worked up over my Grandmother's sick fantasies. She was like a young adult obsessing over demonic creatures.

I did try to get back off to sleep but I found it difficult. It felt like someone was watching me sleep. Yet every time I woke up there was nothing in my room. It was like they were playing with me. Haunting me. Hunting me. I didn't even want to touch the books they got me. I didn't trust them. It felt like, if I touched them they would burn. I didn't want to be burnt. I even phoned my mother to see when she was due back but she reminded me for the seventh time not till the end of next week. My mother believed it could be my paranoia of living on my own that I was feeling worried so my mind was playing tricks on me. It was true I did feel that way. "Look. Duck. If you're feeling frightened you could always stay with your Dad's mum. She loves having you around." My mother told me. "I know Mum. I am probably being silly. But I swear the back door shut." I told her. I was stressing out about it massively as I poured myself a glass of water. "Did you lock the back door? You could have had a burglar." My father stressed in the background. I could hear my mother roll her eyes. "She doesn't go in the garden, Jim. The back door is probably still locked. It was probably the wind. We do live on the coast." My mother reminded him. "Look, Duck try not to worry it might have been your imagination. Try not to worry." "Yeah, I know Mum. If it happens again I'm moving in with Grandmother. Permanently." I told her. When I hung up I stared at the counter top wondering why I never told my mother about the package. I should have but my father would hit the roof. My mother would have ended her holiday to come back and see me. Maybe it was best to talk to my grandmother for her advice, but I swear to the lord above if she mentions some form of supernatural being stalking me I'm going to cry.

When I arrived and unlocked the door to my grandmother's house I saw her in her usual position. On the armchair with a werewolf book in her hand. A peach blanket wrapped around her as she read the words on the page. She was fixated. Too fixated to notice I was there. "Grandmother," I called out but she hummed in response. Waving me off. She knew someone was there and assumed it was me as I was the most common visitor. If it was a burglar she would still have the same response to them as me. Wave them off while she was engrossed in her book. I slowly walked up to her and placed my face in front of her. Earning a slap in the face from her book. "What is it you want?" She scolded me. "Someone was in my house last night," I told her. "Really? Why do you think, Duck?" I explained about the books that turned up the other day when I visited her. I confessed to her. My grandmother was surprised but listened as I explained someone was in my house. "Vampires!" Grandmother answered making me place my head in my hands. I knew it. I knew she would say it. I should have bet money on it. "Grandmother be serious for once in your beautiful life," I begged her. "He might be protecting you. From something darker. Or he's obsessed with you and wants your blood." Grandmother stated as she poked me. Her words sent shivers down my spine. I felt sick with her words. I felt cold. Her words were not in the slightest bit helpful to me. "Grandmother, do you read dark romance?" I looked at her smirk and cringed, "Grandmother that's-" "It's not disgusting. All women of all ages need a bit of hot sexy time in their life." She told me. "There's a word for it. It's called spice." I told her as I got up to make a cup of tea in the kitchen. I looked out her window to see the beach in front of her home. It was busy. Any one of those people who were facing this way could be the burglar or they weren't. I went outside into her garden and stopped. I closed my eyes and listened to my senses. I felt something musky come towards me. I felt its breath. When I opened my eyes it was gone. They were gone or so I thought.

18+ Taglist for those who are not turning back

@catlove83 @itsyourleilei @whatudowhennooneseesyou @leeknot @estella-novella @fackeraccount @eastjonowhere @cocofia143 @jennibahng @noerinspace @sleepingmissingprincess @ye0lkkot @hiitsmebbygrl16 @shhimhereforsmut @jaeminie-cricket @stayceebs97

[sleeponthephone]

you watch him go from the label bisexual to lesbian. he comes out to his mom for the first time, and you are so proud. she is kind but says they shouldn't tell his father.

it was the holidays, december and the floor of my father’s apartment. he’d asked for a break over text before the flight. it was in those days, you know? rabbit and carmilla and skype, distance distance distance, videos of him singing to me. I can’t remember how it all went- I think break for a week and then broken up near christmas. lying on an air mattress, scrolling through break-up poetry on instagram, not knowing what else to do, not having anyone to tell. when you have your first heartbreak, I think your mom is supposed to hold you. she chalks it up to teen depression and the sad state of your father living on his own, four months in and still no more furniture than what she helped him move in with.

two weeks later and you’re tentatively back together. text text text all day, imagine he was sitting next to you in french class. he enlists a friend of yours to get you flowers for valentines day; you’ve done the same with his friend and a bear. he sings so beautifully for you, comes out to visit in april and your sister takes some of the most romantic photos of you, stolen moments when your parents aren’t looking. he makes lemon chicken, and you’ll be ordering it the rest of your life and it’ll never taste right, not like his. you tell your cousin together. you take a video, hoodies and guitar and your cat. he leaves. you move houses, tell him you’re excited for him to visit the new one. and your father lives under the same roof again, and his father is still homophobic, makes him change his hair after he cuts it the way he really wants it, even though it made him so happy for a full twelve hours. you have the pictures to compare, happy gushing boy next to disappointed styled-wrong frown.

on your birthday, you go out to lunch with your mother. eldest daughter eldest daughter, sit across the table from her as she lists off all the reasons your sister isn’t really gay. it’s been nearly three years since she came out.

you fly out to see him. june in his state is so brutal. he dresses up for you, makeup and high heels, that green dress. later you won’t remember anything from this trip. you’re so in love with him, stay up together to see the sunrise because you’re trying to stretch out that last day before you go home. he kisses you so many times as he’s getting ready, as he’s leaving for summer school. we had a lot of airport goodbyes, but that one was quiet morning hours, staying behind in his room.

sit here with me, for a moment. (I hope the world is quiet around you for this.) he has a red carpet and a keyboard with a bench. there’s a ceiling fan above his bed. if I close my eyes in a dark room at night, I can still hear the exact noise it makes. there’s a balcony. sit on his bed with me and look out over it. feel it in your body his steps down the stairs, out to the sidewalk, into the car, through the gate, turn right, past “Out of the Closet” (our favorite thrift store), highway highway highway to the school where we met. sit with me in his room on a grey morning. hide the notes between book pages, look at the puzzle you only half-finished together on the floor, run your fingers over the guitar strings, lie on your back and trace the same shapes in the air he liked to make with his fingers. grieve the absence for an hour. then she comes to pick you up and you fly home. this was the last day you’ll ever be in a room with him again.

july is an ugly cry. august is a sore throat. your mother watches beaches with you and you’re just upset after, sit in your own room, and she comes in and you can’t really explain it. she asks if this is about him and you say yes. you say you’re not friends anymore. she has that look on her face. I don’t have to describe it here. she tries to be sympathetic anyways.

it’s years of this. you don’t get to tell her. you squirrel her words away to hunch over later, throw it up in the bathroom with the cereal. your sister has to deal with it out in the open alone, and you feel bad but too afraid to not keep a hand on your mother’s skirt. when you do tell your parents, a month and a half before you’ll make your escape off to college, it’s awkward. you’ve never felt more wrong in your life. it’s obvious you are not playing the role right, this is the wrong script to be reading from, this is not the child they were supposed to have, this is not the way you were supposed to love. you went to prom with a boy to make her happy, because you knew this was coming. no one hates you and there is no shouting. there is wincing, disappointment. she asks about him. you finally tell the truth. years later she will still be dismissing it.

( - something about the way you only exist in my life now as a story to tell others. something about how I’ll be telling it again and again and again so many different ways and to no one more than myself. something about your hand taking mine for the last time and how much I lost when you let go.)

your therapist tells you that you must feel your feelings, no matter what they might be. it is August. your heart feels like an overstretched water balloon. but you can't articulate that properly, so instead you say, i don't know what i feel i just feel bad. he is out of reach, out of sight, but not out of mind. oh yes, he's been plaguing your thoughts ever since that day in the park where you almost walked hand in hand. you sat in the parking lot with slushies, almost touching knees together. those almosts are everything to you. they're a stinging reminder of what could have been.

you wake up ten months later and tell him you love him. he said i love you first. well. technically, you did when you confessed, but he said it back immediately. last night he said it first. often, he does, often as a whisper in person. he cannot see this blog. between you and i, then, he's doubtful whether he can experience love. who are you? i know who i am, i'm you from the future, aren't i?

except, one thing that we both forgot. your stubbornness. everyone tells you not to chase what you love. to let it come to you. and all the while, you collect things about love your family says, things your friends say, and bring them to your nest and shake them upside down. what is love supposed to look like? you tell the hotlines yeah, i don't really have a healthy model for that in my life but also i'm trying to create it.

if your friends were physically here, there would be a boy coming between you. childish turn of phrase, really, but the most honest phrase i can conjure up. you lie to your aunt and say that the bruises on your leg are from school, that you took a nasty spill down the concrete steps. you don't want to bother explaining the intricacies of kink to her. august to june, more imprints on your heart than there used to be. but you laugh and shrug and say, yeah, auntie, i'm done with him for real, i promise. the truth is you don't want to complain about him to her anymore. when the long text arrives, saying actually it isn't over, you resist the urge to let a smile fall off your face. you dodge your cousins' well-meaning attempts to play breakup songs for you in the car. they don't want your heart to ache.

your friend from last summer sends you a video asking to catch up sometime. he says he misses you. you miss your friend too. without their encouragement, you'd never have met M under the stars, thinking M was L. this friend is one of the few who understands what it is like to have multiple people in one body, although that stage of life is over for him. it doesn't have to be complicated unless you want it to be, though. your friend has a gentle heart beneath the tough-as-nails exterior. their dog jumps on them and covers their face in sloppy kisses.

--i don't normally ask for people's opinion on the way i love. i think it's my business. but there's something so intimate about an outside perspective, a chance for someone to love the way i love. no one can convince me that the way i love is wrong.

[localcactushugger]

Does anyone else ever get sad thinking about the abuse Hawks went through as a kid? Because I keep making myself sad thinking about it.

It's so many different kinds of fucked up that just mixed together and created one huge toxic environment.

#1) The physical abuse.

Right off the bat, Chapter 299 starts with Keigo getting hit by his father for leaving the house. It doesn't actually show Keigo being smacked, instead it shows a panel of their "home". (although it's extremely small and looks more like a broken down shack in a field to me)

But the sound of the "smak" is very much punctuated in the panel, followed by Keigo hunched over with marks on his face:

The marks on his face are prevalent. Even in the smaller panel, Keigo still has a very obvious bruise under his eye and above his eyebrow.

THEN he gets kicked in the side/stomped on for "turning his back" on his father?? (Aka doing nothing. Literally what did he do?? Wtf?):

He's getting smacked and kicked around, but instead of crying or getting upset he just endures. Which brings me to:

#2) The Emotional and verbal abuse. (Strap in cause there's a lot of it.)

Keigo apologizes after his father kicks him for no reason, then he curls up into a ball, clings to his Endeavor plushy, and listens as his own father rants about how much he wishes that Keigo was never born.

^^^^^^^ LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID ASSHOLE. HE'S LITERALLY CLINGING TO HIS PLUSHY FOR COMFORT!! WHY ISN'T ANYONE HUGGING HIM??? CAN I HUG HIM??

Keigo says that he knew his parents were broken, so he endured because he wanted to avoid their fate.

Basically: "I know my parents are broken, but need to endure because I don't want to become broken too."

That's a horrible mindset for a child to have?? He's basically saying that he just needs to take the abuse and hope that he doesn't break because of it?

And I don't know how he wouldn't break from it with the way his parents talk to him, and all the horrible things they say:

The constant screaming/yelling. Like Shit.

"Don't do a damn thing!" " Who did you sell me out too?? You can't fool me!!" "Don't leave this house!" "Don't you dare lie to me!!" "Don't go talking to anyone!!" "You thought you'd get away with it didn't you??"

"How many times have I told you not to turn your back on me??"

"If only that punk was never born I'd be free."

"Why were you even born?" "Why do you even have those wings?"

He's gotten it from both parents. And every time it happens he just hugs his plushy a little tighter.

#3) The neglect.

In pretty much all panels of Keigo's home theres Trash everywhere. If you go back and look at the house there isn't a single panel without some kind of trash in the frame. I see beer bottles, wine bottles, wooden planks, trash bags, newspapers, dirty rags, dirty laundry hanging from the wall & hangers, floor boards coming up, leaks from the top of the walls.

The "house" is barely holding together as it is. It looks like it's about to collapse, and the inside makes you think a tornado ran through it. Nobody is bothering to clean up the mess. In fact the only person who seems to be patching up the house is Keigo. This seems to be a routine for him since he can be seen picking up a wooden plank to fix the wall. Too bad his father kicked him before he could repair the hole 🙃.

Seriously does the "house" even have running water? The windows are broken the walls are made of tin roofing tiles. Does it even have heating or insulation? It's obviously not suitable for a child. I'd be afraid that the roof was gonna fall on me while I was sleeping.

I understand they can't buy a proper home. But it wouldn't be so bad if someone acutely bothered to clean the inside a bit. At least maintain the house so your kid doesn't step on a nail, or glass from a beer bottle. IF A CHILD CAN PATCH UP A WALL SO CAN YOU. WHY IS KEIGO DOING ALL THE WORK?

You people are gonna get rats and bugs. (If you dont have them invading your "house" already)

And that's only the house.

What about Keigo? He doesn't even have shoes. His shirt is torn at the seams. And his parents didn't even notice when he left? Keigo's dad yelled at him for leaving the house and going outside, but was anyone even watching him in the first place? How does your child leave the house and make it halfway to the city before you notice? This little bird looks like he weighs 5 pounds! He's gonna get kidnapped!!

His mom is obviously unstable and she stares at the wall all day. And his dad hates him for existing. So I guess no one was watching him?

His mom also doesn't really seem to care when Keigo gets yelled at, hit, and kicked either. She just kinda stares at the wall. Then when her and Keigo become homeless and start living in a train station she guilt trips him into stealing for her. Like Really??

HE GOT INTO A CAR ACCIDENT TOO! You sent your child out to steal for you and he literally got into a car accident. He managed to save everyone involved but still, are trying to get your son hit by a truck? This is why I have so many mixed feelings about Tomie.

#4) Being held hostage in his own home.

This one is self explanatory. Keigo got hit in the face just for going outside. He was held hostage in his home for so long that he didn't even know heroes existed. And this is a society where heroes are everywhere. I'm sure it was a lonely childhood, kinda hard to make childhood friends when you get beaten just for leaving the house.

#5) Whatever the fuck "rough training" was.

I know we haven't seen Keigos "rough" training yet. Horikoshi only went into a little bit of detail about it when he mentioned that the commission taught Hawks negotiation skills as a kid. And then theres that one image in the Season 4 outro where Keigo has a blindfold on as a child during training.

But I still would like to know more.

Why would you put a child through "rough" training, strip him of his name, and tell him it's all because he's gonna become a "special hero" right after you've pulled him out of an extremely abusive situation. Like, you aren't gonna wait a bit? Preferably until he's a teenager? Not gonna give him therapy or something?

Isn't pulling a child out of an abusive situation and putting them through "rough training" kinda like transfering them from one abusive household to another?

LET THE BOY REST! LET THE KID BE A KID. YOU ONLY HAVE ONE CHILDHOOD AND HE'S ALREADY MISSED OUT ON MOST OF HIS!!

The training can wait.

If you want help him and support his family, do it out of the kindness of your heart and not because you think he'd be a useful hero.

I honestly don't know how this "training" went for Keigo, but considering that he doesn't currently have the best relationship with the HPCS . . . Well I don't know. All I know is that he never really seems too happy around people from the commission. He doesn't seem to agree with any of their ideologies either.

Honestly I just want him to find peace!

Based on what we've seen so far, (*cough* especially from the Todoroki family *cough*) you really shouldn't be training a child to become a hero in the first place. The training can start as a teenager if someone chooses to train.

Look at the way you massacred my boy! Give the kid a break for fucks sake!!

And these are just the early years. Don't get me started on everything else ✋🙄

[aphdsomebody]

Prayers wrapping the guilt.

September 19.

Hi friend,

It's actually 11:41 pm on September 18. I just finished my nightly routine and while taking a shower, I got to thinking about life, as one does. I wanted to talk about prayers. I was raised as a Catholic although my values now, as an adult, does not align with that of a Catholic. I did adopt some of the ideologies, like loving thy neighbor and respecting my parents. I like to think that I am much more spiritual than I am religious. This is something my mother doesn't get or can't wrap her mind around. I remember growing up and listening to the priest talk about what we should and shouldn't do, what was "wrong" and what was "right". I always felt so torn inside and that made me feel hatred and anger toward myself for what I felt toward the same sex. It took a long time to wipe that away from me, but eventually, I was able to do so. Now, I find myself, at the end of the night, on my knees praying to God. See, the thing is, I don't actively align with Catholic values but I still believe in the God they pray to, I just don't believe he is hateful toward people like me. It took a while but I found solace and peace.

With that said, I would like to share with you what I pray for:

I start my prayer with gratitude. Gratitude for the roof over my head, the food in my belly, my education, my financial stability, for my pug, my family/friends, for the opportunity to have felt love and to love, for the experience of heartbreak, for God never leaving my side even when I forget to pray for find something new to be upset with him about. I give gratitude to my past for it has shaped who I am now, for my present and what I get to navigate through, and for the future that is not written but I trust in him wholeheartedly to help me. I give gratitude for the protection, strength, and my weakness. Gratitude for all the lows in my life and for all the times I felt so high that nothing could knock me down. I close it by thanking God on behalf of my family for all their blessings.

Then I proceed to ask for things:

I ask God to protect my mom, dad, brothers, sister-in-law, our pets, our belongings, and for myself. I ask him to put my mom and dad above all of those things, because I want them to see my graduate with my PhD and to watch me achieve all the things I have prayed and worked for. I pray for my friends and family. I pray for the world to have peace. I pray that I get through my studies and achieve all my desired goals within the timeframes I have created for myself. I, then, end it with asking for him to send his best angels (my family members who have passed) to protect us and guide us. To keep us from people who want to use and drain our energy.

I close it with two prayers:

Hail Mary and Our Father.

I hope you express your gratitude in various ways. Whether that be through your religion or through telling that specific person these things. Praying and believing brings me a sense of peace. Peace that eases me to sleep. Sleep that I used to dread because my fear of death would creep in and control my nights. Now, I place my worries in the hands of my God so that he may wash them away. I'm grateful for you and for you taking the time to read this. I don't like to share these things because they're on another level of personal things but I hope it resonates with you.

Until tomorrow.

-APhDSomebody

[the-bloodycircle-cb]

𝙏𝙒: 𝙈𝙐𝙍𝘿𝙀𝙍, 𝙈𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉𝙎 𝙊𝙁 𝘽𝙇𝙊𝙊𝘿, 𝘿𝙀𝘼𝙏𝙃, 𝘿𝙍𝙊𝙒𝙉𝙄𝙉𝙂, 𝘿𝙀𝙋𝙄𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉𝙎 𝙊𝙁 𝙑𝙄𝙊𝙇𝙀𝙉𝘾𝙀 𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝙃𝙊𝙍𝙍𝙊𝙍 𝘾𝙍𝙀𝙀𝙋𝙔𝙋𝘼𝙎𝙏𝘼 𝙏𝙃𝙀𝙈𝙀𝙎

𝙋𝙇𝙀𝘼𝙎𝙀 𝙋𝙍𝙊𝘾𝙀𝙀𝘿 𝙒𝙄𝙏𝙃 𝘾𝘼𝙐𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉 𝙊𝙍 𝘼𝙑𝙊𝙄𝘿 𝙁𝙍𝙊𝙈 𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙄𝙁 𝙏𝙍𝙄𝙂𝙂𝙀𝙍𝙀𝘿 𝘽𝙔 𝘼𝙉𝙔 𝙊𝙁 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝘼𝘽𝙊𝙑𝙀.

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𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩: 7398

𝓟𝓪𝓰𝓮 2 𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓸�� 8

❝𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓶𝓮𝓽 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓪

𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓻𝓲𝓫𝓵𝓮 𝓯𝓪𝓽𝓮, 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮𝓷'𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾?❞

It was a warm Sunday evening in a quaint little suburban area. The sun peeked over the fluffy clouds, golden rays spilling onto the red shingles of the roofs.

A young boy- somewhere in his teens- was skipping with joy down the sidewalk, clutching a clear plastic bag in his hands. He had waited incredibly long for this day, saving up his allowance to finally purchase the very thing he's been eyeing for almost three months now.

"I can't believe I finally got the collector's edition of Majora's Mask! This thing is antique~!" He chirps to himself, watching the game cartridge jiggle around in the plastic bag.

The walk back home took no less than five minutes, kicking off his shoes and making his presence known to his mother. He was quick to shower and have dinner before rushing back upstairs, already done his homework in advance so he could finally game in peace.

Throwing his hood over his head, he inserts the cartridge into his Nintendo GameCube he got two Christmases ago, grinning when it goes in easily.

"Finally, I hope the game doesn't lag. I spent all my pocket money on this shit, it's old but still playable." He mutters to himself, remembering the words from the antique shopkeeper earlier that day.

The smile that spreads across his face at the sight of the game loading successfully was filled with excitement and relief, clicking on a new slot before pressing play.

“Huh. There's a few glitches in this thing.. heh, must be the age. It did come from the early 2000s.” He snickered, getting used to the controls of the game.

A few hours passed and it was late into the night now when the male began to feel uneasy. He had passed through a few locations in the map and he felt as if something was watching him play. But that was impossible, his parents were sleeping and he was the only child.. it should definitely be impossible, shouldn't it?

He could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand when he finally found the source of his anxiety in the dimly lit room. Eyes widening by a few fractions, he stared at the pixelated character in the background of the screen, blinking in disbelief.

“Is that... The Elegy of Emptiness statue of Link?” He sputters, watching as the pixels shift around, as if reacting to his words.

His fingers shook a little as he held the controller in his hands, chewing on his bottom lip.

“This must be like.. an easter egg or something, right? Yeah, haha, definitely. It's like.. and extra companion.”

The teen thinks to himself, feeling himself calm down at the thought. He disregards the way the statue continues to slink through the map with him, resuming his gameplay.

Things seemed to have calmed down, the male sinking back into his gamer zone but deep down in his stomach he could feel fear bubble. Ever since his revelation the dialogues that he encountered kept glitching, some of the words too pixelated to make out and some even being changed to words like “why?” and “stop”.

He doesn't let the goosebumps stop him though, pushing the sight of the uninvited visitor to the back of his mind as his fingers pressed the buttons to move his character.

But then, things.. went terribly wrong.

“Ah finally, now if I cross this I'm pretty sure I'll get to the other cliffside. Just walk down the bridge and I'll arrive at the next town!” He chirped to himself, eyeing the digital clock on his bedside.

01:34 a.m.

Right as he stepped foot on the long bridge, he heard it. The change of soundtrack from the normal roaming one to a more.. unnerving one. The teen's eyes searched around the screen, unable to find the statue anymore.

“That's funny.. it was there a few minutes ago.” He mutters to himself, continuing to move down the bridge. The music picked up, sharp notes piercing his ears as he watches the pixel water below churn and glitch.

He continues to feel uneasy, breath hitching in his throat when he spots a text box pop up under the Link character. Eyebrows furrowed, he felt ice cold fear wash over him despite being wrapped in a blanket. The text glared at him in the darkness of his bedroom as he jumped when his clock ticked.

02:00 a.m.

“You shouldn't have done that.”

A cold voice rasps, the sound grainy and distorted as it resonates through the headphones he was wearing. He almost screamed, unable to move his fingers to click the next dialogue.

But he didn't have to.

The next text box appeared by itself, again with the same glitchy letters and the same cold, disembodied voice.

“How foolish of you to have continued playing even after knowing there was something wrong with the game. How desperate are you youths to play this wretched game?”

His words couldn't seem to exit his mouth, being stuck in his throat when he froze up in absolute terror. He doesn't know what was going on, who was talking to him? Were these dialogues supposed to be apart of the game?

“You look absolutely terrible, did I scare you? I was waiting for you to finally realize it, take a guess what music is currently playing.”

Without needing to move, he saw his laptop screen lit up from his desk, eyes flying to stare at it in shock. He got up with shaky hands, staring at the game file before falling back onto his bottom.

DROWNED.wmv

He scrambled back to his GameCube, seeing no more glitchy dialogues but his own character nowhere to be seen. He blinks, gasping when he sees he statue yet again, this time it seemed to have his Link avatar in its grasps, dragging it over to the water's edge.

It took him too long to finally process what was happening, and it only hit him full force when he heard the first piercing scream. It was that of a young boy, fearful and pleading as he cried bloody murder. The teen's eyes could only stare helplessly as he watches Link kick and squirm in his statue's grasp, the sound of the struggle evident over the music.

“LET ME GO LET ME GO LET ME GO.”

He fell back in horror when the statue pushed Link's head down into the river, hearing the drowned out screams coming from the still alive Link as he's forced to take the water down his lungs.

The male finally found the courage in him to stand up and make a run for it, right as Link's lifeless body starts floating down the river.

Then again, he was too late.

Right as his fingers touched the doorknob he was flung back to the floor by an unseen entity, groaning in pain. He had hit his head on the desk side, swimming through consciousness and unconsciousness when he felt it.

Drip

Drip

He looked up, about to scream when he had his mouth covered, the man above him giggling from the terrified look on his face. He had no visible eyes to be seen, only pure black voids of his eye sockets and a single red dot as his pupil. What was more unnerving though, was the sight of him seemingly crying with the tears dripping down his cheeksn

And those tears were blood.

The man dragged his limp body to the GameCube, a small flash of light before he no longer felt the carpet of his floor. Instead, he felt cold damp grass underneath his body, looking up to see the moon shining.

His assailant had brought him into the game. He was transported straight into Majora's Mask.

“Y'know, I expected some more struggle from you. Are you just gonna stay there and let me drag you all the way before the inevitable happens?"

The male could only attempt to toss and turn as he was dragged by the legs, finally orienting himself to struggle once he hears the rush of the river a few feet away.

The teen finally screamed, he screamed and kicked and flailed and tried as hard as he could to free himself.

But did he really think his captor would let that happen?

“Aha, now this is more entertaining~ You remind me of myself, far back from now. I was here too, struggling and screaming for my life. But who came for me?”

His eyes grew cold, brushing the bloodied tears away. “No one.”

With that, his assailant tossed him into the river, gripping him by the hair. The man's hair shimmered to an almost silver in the moonlight, though streaks of gold were highlighted by the dim lighting. The teen let out another plead, clawing at the man's fingers to free himself only to elicit another giggle.

“You're funny when you beg.”

SPLASH

He started to flail again, screaming as he feels his lungs burn. He kept struggling, and with every struggle more water enters into his mouth and nose. He screams and screams and screams, the music of DROWNED.wmv getting louder and louder until it stopped.

Yuta hummed, finally loosening his grip on the boy's hair. He watches his lifeless body float down the river in a similar fashion to when he ‘killed’ Link just now, a satisfied grin on his face.

The next thing you know, the mother would go to wake her son up only to find an empty bedroom. It would be classified into one of the many missing children cases, remaining unsolved, forever. No sign of any struggle, no windows opened and nothing out of the ordinary. The only exception was the GameCube, the screen now completely pitch black with a text box in distorted letters.

“You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?”

𝓑𝓔𝓝 𝓓𝓻𝓸𝔀𝓷𝓮𝓭! 𝓝𝓪𝓴𝓪𝓶𝓸𝓽𝓸 𝓨𝓾𝓽𝓪

【Ｔｈｅ　Ｓｅｃｏｎｄ　Ｐａｇｅ】

𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝘾𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙤𝙧: @yanlee @yanlee-spam

𝙑𝙞𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙨 (?): @time-for-confession @m00n-purplerose-chatbot @yourdaddychan @hunter-chaeyoung @domyukhei @amazingspiderhan @yanderexhoshi @yourcupidchuu @m00n-miaka-cb @xx-macabre-chungha-xx @your-jaemin @seventeen-chatbot @soft-hyunjin-chatbot @playboy-jun @leextaeyong @moonlightchn @ateez-zombie-wonderland @camboy-superm @madmanwoodam @midari-jieun @underground-ateez @ghost-hyunjin @gryffindorxjeno @yanderesungie @mafia-chaeyoung @angelhyuck-cb @caretaker-johnny @dancertenbot @roomie-xiaojun @heartbroken-yeji @exoticdancer-chatbot @criminalinvestigator-mingyu @softbf-skz @seoyejibot @lawyer-jungwoo @la-soleilmafia-cb @mafiaxwayv @sk-tao @jungseonghwa @incubuswooyoung @floristluda @empress-jiaqi @yarindere @alteredjiaqi @ateez-treasure9au-chatbot @yandere-jaehyun @spn-seungwoo @demon-nct (DM if you want to be +/- especially if this kind of concept makes you uncomfortable.)

[artsyxloner]

( This is Min Soo-Nico )

Not Just a Monster

Warning: blood, puking, gore

3: Found my safe heaven... I think?

I woke up feeling weak my whole body ached as I laid in something wet. I breathe in deep gulping down the cool-cleanish air as much of it as I can.

Like a fish out of water, my lungs finally able to breathe. It tastes like metal in my mouth. I remember it when I had my nose bleeds. But shouldn't have done that though because pain shot through me.

I squeezed my eyes shut, I probably looked like a ghost from how much blood loss that I was laying in my puddle of it. wondering why I didn't die? Maybe It was because I passed golden hour since I didn't get to turn?

I didn't know how long I was out for but looking towards the building I caught on fire I saw that it was all ablaze. I didn't remember the flashback I had when I fell out of the window. Well more like I was crashed into it.

I sighed closing my eyes, but then that made me remember the speed monster thinking were that bitch ran off too? He's going to get payback if I ever see him again even if I had turned into a monster by that time.

I would have an advantage even though I'm still in the process of monsterization. Thinking of monsters I remembered there all around here not all but mostly some of them eat people.

Like the tongue one that got burnt up. I shivered at the thought. Getting up for the hundredth time today I soon didn't feel any pain. As if it all disappeared.

Inspecting my clothes they were torn as the thread of my sweater was clawed up and was stained by the monsters and my blood. I was covered in it from head to toe.

And I didn't have any other clothes, to wear in my duffel bag. I was out almost on everything, I needed to repack, real soon. It was around late afternoon judging by the sun.

I still had time to search for the things I needed but not for long, I had to be Conservative. Since I've never been out on a run in the daytime.

I walked away from the burning building down the street where the monsters were. The most dangerous ones I studied had to be around somewhere?

Not knowing I had to be careful of my surroundings, seeing cars all banged up with dints in the and the widow's glass shattered some was even flipped upside down.

But the thing that disturbed me the most was dead bodies lying on the ground. The smell was awful knowing they were Decaying their flesh coming off as flies flew around there and on telling what other things laid inside.

It made me want to puke so I turned my head not able to look anymore at the gross sight. My stomach felt nauseated knowing the familiar sensation going up my throat not able to hold it back.

It came up, as it was nothing but water and my stomach lining. I had bent over placing my hands on my knees. When I was done I spit the rest of it out as my eyes watered tears rolling down my cheeks.

Wiping them away I stood up straight and moved on, wondering where I was going to sleep for the night? And possibly stay if it wasn't run over with monsters.

I forgot about my knife because I couldn't find it anywhere when I first woke up. So I was defenseless if I had to run up one, which wasn't good.

As I head growling, and other inhuman noises. Some of the monsters talked but just only a few words. They would repeat it in a low tone dragging out the last Syllable.

Sounding like a snake, I scratched my face as it felt itchy. Ash and dried blood was caked up on it and got down into my nails. Not that I cared I wasn't a nail girl.

It would be nice if I had a shower, a cold one I imagined scrubbing off all this nasty mess off my tan skin. I haven't had one in a while.

I thought as I was up ahead going to the Convenient store I always went to at night. It was seven eleven, before going in I checked through the windows to make sure nothing was in there.

I waited but didn't see anything out of the ordinary not like there was much of normal anymore. I opened the door as the bell ringed above me. I cringed at the loud sound.

If there weren't any monsters around they would be now. Searching down The isles of different Varieties of snack food. I picked out most of the stuff that was in plastic bags not caring if there were expired.

Some of my favorites were kimchi instant noodles, triangle Kimbap and Pocky of different flavors. I grabbed it all letting it fall into my duffel bag.

When I was done with that I went near the Refrigerated section and took all the water and green teas they had seen most of the stuff With some kind of milk beverage that had Spoiled smelling bad.

I plugged my nose, and also stuffed my drinks in my bag to accept one, and took out a triangle kimbap unwrapping it I sat down and began to chow down on the delicious seaweed rice food.

Then taking a sip of my water, It coded my throat after it is dry and irritated from all the smoke and fumes I inhaled. Relaxing my body I slumped down laying down on one of the shelves that was behind me.

I gazed up ahead looking right outside noticing that building I saw on the rooftop. It looked mostly vacant from what I could tell?  Except for the eye monster but it was probably gone by now.

I had a deep feeling in my gut to go there, I didn't know why? I always looked at the place when I was on the rooftop I had drawled it once without thinking about it.

I would stay here but it provided little protection and I could easily be seen and I couldn't stay in the back of the store their water probably didn't work half of the Convenient store bathrooms always had something wrong with them.

Deciding on that's where I was going to go because it's better than nothing plus it wasn't that far of a walk I could be there in less of half an hour that being thirty minutes.

The sky was beginning to set, it a pinkish-orange color as the clouds grew into a dark purple I wish I had a camera so I could take a pic to see this world still had something beautiful to look at.

I frowned realizing this was actually how the world going to be now people turning into hideous monsters that want to terrorize and eat whatever if it has a heartbeat.

And it's just not the monsters you have to worry about it's the people. They're probably gangs for those who have Survived and killed others for what they have and robbed them of it after there dead.

I shook my head in shame but that's what a world like this does to you it changes you for the worse or if you luck better if you aren't scared. But if you aren't scared you ain't human. I got that off the maze runner a quote from Alby one of my personal favorites.

It's kinda like this world now if you think about it? I don't know why but I kinda laughed knowing something like this wouldn't have ever happened oh the Irony right? I was completely wrong.

I guess karma is a bitch, for thinking that way, signing I ate one more of the first things I gobbled down. I had to stop myself from eating everything before I made myself puke again from not having been eating in a couple of days.

Getting up I took a long sip of my water before putting it back in my bag. Swinging it over my shoulder I gripped the strap as if was a little heavier but not so much where I would have to drag it with my weak ass body.

To green roof apartments, that would be a sight to see. I was kinda Chubby for nineteen years my parents always told me to thin down and stop eating so much but I never listened to them.

They didn't know what it was like being a severely bullied teenager. Getting called a fat pig and having candy thrown at you in school. But they tried their best to understand and only wanted what was best for me but it wasn't good enough.

But now I regret everything I said to them and everything I did. My lips dowsed into a frown at the memories I began to think I was stuck in my head again letting the memories go I began my way to green roof apartments to see what was in store for me there.

[yconic]

Guess who was bored and decided to make a Stonytasha pirate AU sjsj

Alright so!! What I had in mind: Th name of infamous pirate captain Tony Stark , stretched across all land for being the skilled and more than ruthless bandit that Steve Rogers, son of a navy/military general, finds himself to be too infatuated with.

Like, proper and posh Steve, with just a whisk of innocence and fragility falling for charming and flirty sea bandit that is Tony , who stops mid battle with his dad's crew to kiss his cheek while evading getting hurt?? Cuteness, I have no self control sksksk

When Black Sabbath ambushes the town of Brooks, Joseph Rogers is crimson to the hairline at being caught so unprepared. Due to celebrating his son's birthday the day prior.

Half his force stood ditzy on their feet, still so drowned into the debauchery they failed to realize the pirate ship they were supposed to guard was floating carelessly at the docks has been there for two hours.

In their surprise, Tony and his crew aren't spreading chaos or destruction. They carry the calmness of a silent storm, not thunder but raindrops as they collect what they can carry. From bare necessities such as food to a random jewelry that caught their eye.

Steve knows retaliation wouldn't result in a victory. At least 10 men against one aren't odds that favour him. Not only is he outnumbered, but he is also undertrained. Despite being a soldier in name, his father had been adamant about actually introducing him to the practice. Steve is tore between being grateful or regretful about his incliation to arts now.

They're not hurting anyone. That's what confuses him.

He would love to paint the Captain, however. Even a quick sketch would have sufficed, even if it wouldn't do justice to the undeniable beauty in front of him. Tony was a rarity he couldn't pry his eyes off of. Hair dark and soft looking curling at the nape of his neck, Skin kissed by sun, complimenting the gold beam smile that's too enchanting for it's own good.

The pools of brown lock with him for a moment, but it was enough to make his legs buckle slightly. Those were the Deadeyes, he told himself, that put fright in monsters and men alike. Except the cruelty, coldness, and blankness from the tales he's heard was missing. Tony was alive, and he was laughing.

The smile grew bigger as he advanced in his direction, dropping the sack of goods he's been carrying not even a moment ago. Steve made the effort of keeping his eyes past the pirate's shoulder instead of the sight of his bare chest, provided by the low cut red blouse.

Steve felt his face burning, which only seemed to amuse the Captain further if the chuckle sending shivers down his spine was any clue worth following.

"You're Rogers blood, " Tony commented easily, tone full of glee. Even if he was taller between them, Steve never felt so small. His form turned to wood when calloused fingers rested on his jawline, touch gentle.

Almost too loving for what they probably done. Steve wanted to melt into it. "Pretty fella, aren't you, sweetling?"

Steve's dry throat was, at once, workable again. "And you, the pirate sacking my town, " he responded, voice silkier than he intended. The darkness of Tony's eyes intensified with just a shade, but it was enough to make him swallow a whine. "You'd have better luck in Quinz. From what I hear they've been recently restocked. Why us?"

A rich laugh boomed from Tony. "Darling, " he started, grin crooked and voice dripping in honey. "You don't KNOW what a sacking done by me looks like." Steve was positive he never wanted to find out.

Silence washed over them for a moment before the pirate spoke again.

"We're just taking what we need, not want. We're housing a few extra guests and we regrettably ran out of food, which is terribly embarrassing for me. I've been told I hold the title of the best host over all 50 seas. My people shouldn't expect less than the best, as I'm sure you understand."

"If you wish, we can also provide you with an appron, " Steve said, waiting for the thin ice to crack. Tony's lips quirked upwards and somehow the nobleborn knew he won't sink just yet. The blonde's hand extended in invitation. "I'm not certain what the manner pirates use to introduce themselves, but here we shake hands. I am Steve Rogers."

"It may shock you, but some of us swap spit. I suppose however, since we're on your land I'll comply to your rules, " a wink and a tongue leaking with sarcasm, accompanied with a firm handshake enough to make Steve's skin raise upwards. "You know who I am."

Steve nodded. "Deadeyes. Parents and eldery tell the children about you."

"Jesus, " Tony swore. "I'm not sure if I should be proud of by my everlasting popularity or offended that so many consider me an ancient ghost ship. Why parents think I'm an appropriate subject for discussion escapes me."

"They do it so the children won't grow up like you."

"Grow up? Oh no darling I'm afraid I only grew old, " Tony chuckled, eyes dancing on the blonde's body, making Steve feel warm. "But only in certain fields."

"You could have tried to buy something if you were in need. Like all people do."

"I would love to, but not only are my pockets in great mourning, I must say your system makes it very difficult for people like me to make ends meet."

"The criminals?"

"The poors."

Before either men could say more, a fire was shot in the open. Tony reacted in a blink move, pushing the blonde to the ground with a shocking force. He heard someone shout Tony's name, but the ringing in his sensitive ears dafted all sound trying to stab in.

"Stay down until the fire dims, then find shelter!" The pirate's order came in form of a yell, but to Steve's ears it was more of a soft instruction. He could spot familiar boots with the glittering royal emblem shining blindly through the dust blinding his vision

The force is chasing the crew, more drunk than awake, shooting at whatever they can aim. The blonde's heart slammed against his ribcage, adrenaline and fear for his people coursing through his blood at an alarming speed as the men flooded the market place.

Steve was quick on his feet, body becoming it's own host as he helped the two men, -- whom by the looks of it were apart of Tony's crew, -- lead the people to the town's church where they would be safest. The tail of his eye spied a flash of red darting above them on the roofs, but before he had the chance of getting a better look, he was knocked aside by the crowd.

The gates were locked shut.

Steve resigned behind the closest beer barrels, placing his hand on the pistol harness tucked safetly on his hip, ignoring the slight tremble of his digits. He leaned over to peek through the tangle of soldiers and bandits huddled up together like fight dogs in a ring, at the violent scenery Tony painted with a mindnumbing grace.

The footing was almost too hard to follow with the bare eyes. The pirate seemed to barely touch the ground, blade cutting through the air with a force that temporality privated Steve from air. He was accustomed to battle, twin swords in each hand seeming at home and comfortable.

He trapped the wrist of one soldier between the edges of his weapon, head moving just in time before the bullet shot could crave his skull. The military man received a kick in the gut, sending him straight to the floor.

Tony was swift on his toes, predicting the sloppy moves of his adversaries and dodging them with ease, smirk sharp and lethal as the men around him hit the ground like rain. By gun shot, he realized, put to the ground by a shower of lead. His eyes hunted every direction in hope of finding the gunslinger but with no such luck.

The soldiers groaned from their spot on the ground, each holding onto their bleeding legs. Most of the damage was done to either their hands or inferior limbs area. The coin dropped. Whoever it was, their objective was not to dig graves, but a weeksworth of bed rest, if that. The symphony of battle got quieter and quieter for Steve, who failed to register Tony making his way to him.

"Love, we have to stop meeting like this, for the sake of your heart. " He thought he heard. Steve couldn't make out the words properly, sentences becoming incoherent .

Everything became white noise and unclear, blurry dark silhouettes. The nerves in his body all numbed, lost of feeling until a rough hand curled around the nape of his neck. The firm but tender touch provided him some much-needed grounding.

His senses awakened again, his being coming back slowly. His mind was sober enough to hear the pleasant graveness of Tony's voice whispering sweetly against his ear as he raised him from the soil that tainted the fine cloth.

"It's over now, " he soothed as a child does a spooked animal, thumb rubbing circles into the sweat coated skin. Tony did not hesitate to brush his lips across. "Please, sweetling, return to me, will you? You were brave, doing exactly as I told you. I have you. You're safe now."

"I was a coward, " he retorted, mouth bitter and eyes burning. "I HID from battle, from the danger, while my people were attacked. What kind of soldier does that?"

"So what? Better a dead hero than a living man?" Tony asked sternly. "Your people are safe, are they not? You lead them to the church, Steve. You protected them, and--" the cock of a pistol made them both pause.

A tiny gasp slipped past Steve's lisp as the soldier who they both missed sneaked behind them, firearm aimed at Tony's back. The smaller man planted between him and the attacker, not letting him be exposed to danger.

"You don't want to do this. Trust me." Tony warned mildly. "I am trying to give you a way out, you'd be smart to take it." The soldier was stilled, and the gun wasn't lowered. His finger caressed the trigger.

"I see, " strangely, he could hear a hint of smile in Tony's voice. "So. Is this the end of me?"

Steve's eyes were clamped tight, fingers clenched around the thin material of Tony's dress shirt as the bang of fire lingered in the air. After a passing minute, he felt something fast and hot shredding the oxygen right beside his left ear.

When the black faded away, Steve was not expecting to see Tony still standing, and the soldier shot down clutching at his injured soldier. The shot hasn't came from him, but from behind him. Whipping around, Steve paused in mild shock. A small woman, not tall enough to reach his shoulder without raising on her tips, had her slandered arm extended and wileding a pistol.

Her looks was deceivingly innocent, features soft yet sculpted pleasantly resting in a mask of winter were captivating. Her hair was red and her most eye catching asset, warm auburn and planted in a bun, reminding Steve of autum leaves painted in rusty undertoned he loved to collect when the season was of middle.

Fierce green eyes melted as they landed on Tony, the stone in them cracked. A glimpse of adoration washed over them, clearly exposing the nature of their connection. Steve felt his heart clench.

For some reason, her voice decreased some of the burn his chest scorched with. "Not today, Captain."

[lovestrucked-again]

Planes - Shawn Mendes

Summary: Unaware of who the handsome boy seated next to you is, the two of you start talking...

 Part 2, Part 3 __________________________

“The gate to flight CL321 will be closing in 15 minutes, please make your way to the gate as soon as possible, thank you.”

You were late, very late. You were running through the crowds of people at Singapore airport towards the gate for LA with your single suitcase. You were late to the airport in general but the additional hold up at check-ins had completely threw off your plan. Approaching the gate, you saw a massive line up outside the glass door towards the entrance of the plane allowing you to sigh in relief.

The small weekend holiday in Singapore was last minute planned as one of your childhood friends had announced her wedding suddenly. The trip was pretty good overall with the only problem exhibited being almost late to your plane home. You placed your suitcase on the conveyor belt and took out all the items from your pocket, placing them in a tray and walked through the scanner. As you began picking up all your belongings and walking towards the waiting area you noticed the large line-up still outside. However, you were one of the last few passengers that walked in before the gate closed. The line-up outside seemed to consist mainly of teenage girls all holding signs. A few cameras among them.

“Passengers in rows 20-30, please start making your way to the entrance.”

___________

Why am I so far back damn it, counting the rows down to your seat you kept your eyes on the roof of the seats 23, 24, 25, ah got it, 26C. Looking to your empty seat near the aisle and the passenger who was already sat next to you in the middle, you choked. He was handsome. From the depth of his brown eyes, to the gentle expressions of his face. He had tousled dark brown hair which was thick and lustrous.

“Did you want help putting that up?” he asked pointing towards your suitcase while looking back at your staring gaze.

“oh eh-um, no I can do it myself thanks,” you stuttered, gently smiling as you pushed the lever down of the suitcase. Carefully using both hands, you picked up the suitcase and placed it in the storage compartments above. You sat down in your seat, not looking at him and staring only at your hands as you played with them self-consciously. You weren’t sure whether he was looking at you or not but the idea that he could be, made you extremely nervous.

You looked in front and behind as more of the seats filled up and people piled in. Using your chance of looking around you sneaked a glance at the man beside you. His eyes were shut and he had earphones in, clearly unaware of your stare. You mentally sighed, having silently hoped he was paying attention to you before leaning back in your seat.

The flight attendants began making their way around, checking all seatbelts were worn. You assumed that the man next to you had fallen asleep. The flight from Singapore to LA was a night flight and so many other passengers were also sleeping. Apart from the few teenagers listening to music or looking bored next to their parents.

You had been on planes before, constantly travelling to meet people for fun and for work. But you had once been through a terrifying experience with plane turbulence. That experience scared you and you were reminded of it whenever the plane took off or landed due to the sounds of the engine squealing. So when the captain announced take off, you clenched your fists and squeezed your eyes shut, oblivious of the man whose attention was in fact, on you.

_______

You were very conscious of all the small actions and movements you made, making it an exhausting plane flight. Flying from Singapore to LA was driving you insane especially with the flight duration being so long but soon, sleep began to take over you.

The man started talking to you first after he noticed your head drooping from one side to another. He tapped your shoulder very lightly, stirring you up from your sleep.

“Did you want to lean against my shoulder?” He whispered, aware of all the sleeping passengers. You could hardly make out his face in the dark but mumbled a quick thank you, unable to properly process what he said. You felt a hand gently bring your head down against something firm and drifted back into your sleep.

“Good morning ladies and gentleman, in a few minutes the crew will be serving drinks followed by breakfast. Our menu is in the seat pocket in front of you, thank you.”

You opened your eyes slowly to the dim lights turning on. You sat up straight in your seat before remembering what occurred. Quickly glancing over to him to check if he was awake, he was staring at you smiling. Omg what happened. Did I drool? You bought your hand to the sides of your mouth, wiping away anything.

“I-I’m sorry,” you started, not knowing what else you could say. Fuck this is embarrassing.

“My name is Shawn,” he said, extending a hand out to you.

“I’m Y/N,” you said, taking his reached out hand to shake. An awkward silence lingered for a few minutes before he turned his body around to face you better and continued…

“I don't want to sound stuck up or anything but do you by any chance know me?” He cautiously asked, staring intensely at your expression. You thought for a minute, not recalling seeing this man anywhere else.

“Uhh no? Should I?” you asked, just as cautious as him.

“Oh maybe not then, I thought you looked like someone familiar is all.” He says, softly laughing to himself, amused at the situation before another silence looms over. The quietness between the two of you was killing you but you didn't know what to say.

“Soo, are you on your way home or?” he began,

“Yeah I am, I was in Singapore for my friend’s wedding. What about you? Heading home?”

“I have some work stuff in LA to do before I can go home.” He sighs, bringing a hand through his hair.

“Sounds like you're a bit homesick?”

“yeah a little,” he chuckles. Shawn finds the situation amazing that his able to have a conversation with someone and feel so relaxed. He doesn't feel the need to keep a wall up or hide things from you even though you’ve just met. And so the conversation continues. You talk about your favourite movies, vacation places, hobbies and even discuss your favourite pizza toppings.

The cabin crew reach your row for breakfast and offer you a choice of bread or eggs as the main to which you choose bread. The lady places your meal down on your tray and you lean back to allow them to talk to Shawn and the other passenger but they immediately pull out a different place and place it on Shawn’s tray. You stare at his food, slightly confused at his nicely laid out pancakes and fruit on top compared to your butter and bread.

He notices you constantly side eyeing the pancakes as his asking about your holiday and laughs. He picks up a pancake from the tower and places it on your plate.

“O-Oh you don't have to, you probably paid in advance for that,” you ramble, lowkey excited for something sweet.

“It’s okay, I can’t finish it all anyway,” he says, handing you the small jar of honey.

“Thanks.”

The plane flight is only 1/3 of the way through and light is already seeping through the windows. You are slightly tired but don't want to sleep if there’s still a chance of talking more.

“Do you wanna watch a movie?” he asks, pulling out his laptop from underneath the chair in front. “I’ve got like all the best movies downloaded.” You laugh at this instantly remembering his favourite movie.

“Harry potter of course.” You declare.

“definitely” he says, dead serious as he turns his laptop on. You notice the tattoos on his hand as he switches the button on.

“What’s that tattoo?” you ask him, curious of the bird you see on his hand.

“Oh this,” he says looking down, “it’s a swallow. It’s meant to symbolise home. Sailor’s use to get them every time they returned from a voyage.” You let the information sink in and realise something.

“When was the last time you’ve been home then?”

“It’s been a couple of years, work’s really busy.” He says, pulling up the movie on the screen and handing you the right side of the earphones. He adjusts the laptop so its facing you and he leans over to you a little more.

“Ah I see, you must miss your family a lot.”

“Very much,” he mumbles, looking at the side of your face as you stare at the screen.

You were watching the first Harry Potter movie and this was your first time to his surprise. Shawn was constantly commenting on things for you to pick up and laughing to himself at scenes. You couldn't help but laugh at his reactions, he was adorable. You noticed that his eyes would crinkle around the sides when he laughed and it made your heart melt. Once the first movie finished, you went onto the second one, then the third, and so on.

Both of you eventually fell asleep and were awakened to the announcements. “Good evening ladies and gentleman, we will soon be landing, please fasten your seatbelts, close your trays and open your windows. Thank you.”

You feel yourself start to tremble a little as the plane wobbles and drops in altitude.

“Y/N Are you okay?” he asks, noticing you squeeze your eyes shut. “yeah I’m fine,” you manage to say as you try calming yourself, “I’m just not a fan of flying,” You finish. Shawn thinks to himself a little, contemplating whether he should or shouldn't. But he doesn't care in this moment. He grabs your right hand and holds onto it with his, intertwining your fingers together. You look up at him and he smiles.

The plane lands safely and your hands are still linked with his as you shuffle out the seats to bring out your luggage from above. He lets go of your hand to help you bring your suitcase down and places it on the floor before grabbing your hand again. He brings your connected hands into the side pockets of his denim jacket. You smile to yourself, completely immersed in his adorable personality.

The doors of the plane open and he walks ahead of you, still holding your hand as you exit the aircraft. He asks where exactly you live in the city and you make small talk about your favourite places nearby. When you enter the airport he seems a little nervous, scouting the area for something.

“Where are you heading?” You ask, not wanting to part so soon, “did you want help finding your way there?”. You realise it’s almost 1am and you should be heading straight home but the idea of possibly never seeing him again scared you. You wanted to cherish every moment.

“I’m waiting for my manager to call…” he says, pulling his phone out. “Maybe I’ll just call him first,” he mumbles as he dials a number and puts the phone to his ear. You look around the airport while he talks, not paying attention to what he’s saying. The airport was very silent, most people passed out on the chairs in the waiting areas for boarding. You turn towards Shawn when he lets go of your hand and runs it through his hair in distress. “Okay bye.”

“What happened?” you ask, as he begins biting his lip.

“Y/N, I know this is probably very rude to ask but can I stay the night at yours?” He asked.

[yirrah748]

Chapter Two: To The Seaside (Part Two)

NOTE TO SELF:

I may have forgotten to include this, but our home (where we're from) is in the middle of the country, and our hometown (where we're going) is about north, the very edge of the north. So just to get to those pristine waters is long, hard work. That's why we rarely go there. When I was a kid, I didn't really understand, but now, I kinda do.

I definitely understood more about it when my parents told me that when I was three and we went there (when we had no car yet), I threw up on the bus, and Dad was drenched in my vomit. They learned about two lessons there. One, don't bring a baby on a long trip. Two, if you want to bring your baby, make sure you feed them antihistamine first, and bring an extra set of clothes too, for the parents and the baby.

1 PM

We passed by a tollgate and listened to the podcast on the radio, so I turned my music off. The content they were giving was ok, not something I would really like very much, but also not something that I would hate. The people were talkative and lively. I couldn't remember what they said but it was really entertaining to listen to.

During that time, wide meadows were beside the tollway, on the background were rows of mountains. Higher above, the sky was made of refreshing blue, with white clouds scattered like wisps of cotton.

We didn't know an hour had already passed and the podcast had ended.

3 PM

Not much had happened during 2 PM, it's mostly traffic. With the sun high up, it was very hot, and most of us were sweating. My stomach had calmed down so I ate what we had.

Bored after eating, we passed by a cemetery. A couple of graves have a cell room made for them. I asked what use those roofs were anyway, since their bodies were already inside a coffin. But it was not in my place to interfere. They do what they like, and I do mine.

Surprised on the sight, my uncle and mom talked about it. Listening to their chatter, I had to restrain myself so hard to not say:

"Uncle don't worry, you'll also have your own room when you die. I'll make sure of it."  

It was a bad joke.

4 PM

We later arrived at the entrance of the province. We were still quite far away, Dad had to admit, but we are only a few dozen kilometers away before reaching Dad's hometown. He was quite excited at that fact and decided to take a picture of us near the welcome arc of the region. I did not hesitate to take a picture, I was not welcoming to it, but I did not hesitate. I don't like taking pictures, but I like looking at pictures of others. I see myself as someone ugly, and my looks shouldn't be saved and shown to others, probably to laugh at. And for every picture they take, my self-esteem lowers. I guess it's because I was conscious that they were observing me and I was concerned about what they think of me.

After the picture, my parents both told me to smile more. They said I should try smiling in the mirror more often. But how could I practice and stare at the mirror when I would look away from it every so often. My looks were unbearable, and my fashion tastes questionable. If the mirror had a face, it too would probably look at me in disgust.

Enough of this self-pity though, I don't like it, it just makes me feel like the situation I am in is the worst when it isn't. In that thought, my cousin's family came to mind. During this summer, she has to take care of their store, tutor her siblings, take care of the youngest, try to find work, and even nurse her mother sometimes. And she's fifteen! I worry and admire her sometimes, whenever I go there, my mood lifts up, since the people around me are able to fight such tough battles, I just get inspired and feel their energy in the wind and get it too. Sometimes after I just get home from my cousins' home, tired and all, I'd clean my room even if it's already 7 pm and Dad is watching a movie after picking me up.

After overcoming my self-pity and got bored of my thoughts, I turned to my side and took a nap.

6 PM

We passed by another welcome arc and I was woken up to take a picture. I did the usual and tried to get back to sleep. Suddenly, my mom laughed out loud after inspecting the pictures.

In the picture, my eyes were drowsy, my clothes unkept, and there was a wet stain on my left shoulder made out of drool. It's disgusting but lol.

6:30 PM

Glancing outside, we passed by a market. Dad, Uncle, and Mom started discussing our consumables like water, shampoo, soap, food, etc. We didn't bring much of those and only for the trip. So they went shopping and Mom dressed me up. She told me I was to meet my new relatives and I had to be polite, well fuck. I was not exactly a polite person, but I was also not rude, I guess. I was just awkward. Like, after saying the usual greetings, I'd stay silent throughout and just listen to them. I was afraid that they would think that I was not contributing to the conversation, but it was really because I had nothing in my life that was notable about. Most of the time, I was playing online games with friends, doing some research and caring for my plants. Not doing traveling and going outside!

[TBC, Updates every Friday]

[truths-of-an-earth-canary]

BLAME.

I have been thinking a lot about this lately.

It is a rejection. Of responsibility, of self, of others, of love, of growth.

Sometimes it's intentional, a defense mechanism for those never taught how to take that responsibility for themselves, sometimes it's unintentionally used for the same reasons.

And it is so often taught to our children, by seeing it in their parents, by having it used against them.

My mother is a blamer. I have always been highly sensitive, and empathetic, so she worked out very early on guilt was a great way to control me. So if i did anything she didnt want me to, for whatever reason, instead of teaching me a better way, she just made me terrible and awful about whatever i had done so i wouldn't do it again.

Anything around me that went wrong, mum made me feel it was my fault. If she changed her mind about something, it became my fault. I was in the wrong and made to feel like shit.

What all the blame and emotional manipulation did to me growing up, has made my life so hard.

I became conditioned to take the blame for everything. To not only take it, but to feel it was my fault, feel shame and dread for this thing i did not even do.

And it goes further. Because this was so constantly reinforced to me growing up (my mother has never behaved any other way) i never had a chance to learn to stand up for myself, to be able to say NO. To be able to have boundaries.

To even have peace of mind in my decisions i make for me, because i was trained from my earliest memories to not talk back, to just accept whatever adults said to me, that if an adult said something was my fault it was, and i was in so much trouble. That i shouldn't upset people. That they don't care about me, no one cares if im having a bad day, no one wants to help me, so just keep a smile on my face and say im fine.

When you learn as a child that everything you do is wrong, nothing is ever good enough no matter how much you try, that if you say something and someone doesn't like it, that you will be made to feel so worthless when mum gets you alone, when you're told that no one cares or wants to help you, you learn many lessons very quickly to try and protect yourself.

First you learn the lessons you are taught above, because to fight is to be flayed with words and tone of voice until you feel ashamed to exist.

Then you learn other things. How to not show how much emotional pain you are in, how to make a blank mask of your face. You withdraw from people and social interactions because they cause so much stress. Always worrying about what if you say the wrong thing? What if you use the wrong tone? What if someone gets upset because of something you say? It will be your fault, you will have ruined it, as you always do.

You learn not to do anything, because you will do it wrong and get in trouble.

You become a peace keeper. Avoid confrontation at all costs.

A justifier. Because everything you do is wrong, you have to explain what you did/what you were thinking. You feel you always have to justify your thought/action.

You learn to ask people how they want everything done because you are so terrified of the consequences of getting it wrong and them not being happy.

You learn to hate yourself, because you can't do anything right, and you want to stand up for yourself (and people even tell you to, why on earth don't you for fucks sake? You're such a pushover) that you hate yourself for being unable to stand up for yourself, for being unable to stop the voice in your head telling you everything is your fault, never realising it was never your fault, and you were never taught to stand up for yourself.

Breaking out of this mental conditioning is the hardest thing i have ever done in my life, and the most terrifying.

It's so strong i get really bad anxiety any time i try stand up for myself. Even just thinking about it, i get stressed, my heartrate goes through the roof, i start shaking, and frequently end up crying. If i do try and speak what i want to say i often can't physically get the words out, that conditioned block is so strong.

Something as small as saying 'no I don't want to lend you my (insert whatever they want to borrow here)

But i am determined to learn to do it. My mother failed to teach me, so I'm going to have to learn this on my own.

And this is where this blog is really helping, because i use it as a focus. When my brain starts stressing out about something i try think about this, and how can i use this experience, and write about it, to try and communicate what is going on in my head, and also in the hope maybe one day it will help someone else find the words they are struggling to find to explain/deal with something.

As it's very difficult to think about or explain something if you don't know how to put it into words in a way that makes sense, because so much of what causes the crippling anxiety is the emotional side of it. It's not just words in your head, those words are attached to feelings of shame and grief and loneliness, unworthiness, hate for yourself, revulsion ect. How do you explain the emotional hurricane rampaging uncontrollably in your head? When each word and thought can trigger a new one, and they are all storming at once?

It's simple really. You can't.

All i can try do is paint pictures with words to maybe let people catch a glimpse of what it can be be like.

[punkscowardschampions]

Indie & Rio

Indie: where you at? Indie: you gotta chat at me Rio: I went down Skerries Rio: I can come back, if you want or Rio: are you okay Indie: w mckenna or are you kicking it 💸💸? Rio: No, with Buster Rio: I just had to get away, you know, give everyone air Indie: its a mood Rio: Yeah, not what I wanted or planned but you know Rio: Where'd you go? Rio: At the shower, I mean Indie: I hit my boy up Indie: felt it you kno Rio: Ah, right Rio: Don't blame you Indie: something in the water innit Rio: Don't Rio: What's he said, then Indie: you kno how hes flexing w it Indie: dont make me chat it back Rio: I can imagine how he's selling it Rio: do you believe him though? Indie: is it? you gotta ask me that Indie: thats how it be now Rio: Inds, I just want to know what I've got to put right with you so I can Rio: I don't care about him, just you Indie: you reckon imma roll with any of his shots on any day Indie: hes chief and he always been it Indie: dont fucking play me that way Indie: what you did is you left me w him Rio: I didn't know where you were Rio: and I couldn't stay Indie: not bothered Indie: where you expect him to try and be? hes not gonna still lay out at hers Rio: Exactly Rio: So I can't be there now Rio: I didn't expect any of this, I didn't think he'd do anything like this, Jesus Indie: it's chill for you w mckenna primed to jet you to skerries Indie: i dont get to leave this drum Indie: his now Rio: Go Home Rio: they'd rather have you there than with him Indie: yeah cos i can show my face Rio: Of course you can Rio: you've not done anything wrong Indie: it looks exactly like his Indie: how are they trying to see that rn Indie: how are you fit to either Rio: So does Edie Rio: and they want her home too Rio: you aren't him Indie: nah Indie: shes got your ma in her Indie: and shes blood Rio: When has that ever mattered to us? Indie: hes made it like it aint before Indie: us v you Rio: Nah Rio: he hasn't got that influence Indie: i cant be around it Indie: none of Rio: Alright but can you be around him? Rio: What are you gonna do Indie: ive got places Indie: if you get to run i get to run Rio: I told you Rio: I'll come back Indie: to what and to where bitch Indie: we aint got a yard of our own anymore Rio: Just please go home Indie: im going where i feel love Indie: still Rio: Don't do them like that Rio: that's bullshit Indie: don't come for me Indie: you aint there Indie: if you feel it so hard you take it Rio: Like I said Rio: you didn't do anything wrong Indie: and you aint Indie: whatever he spits Rio: We both know it ain't that cut and dry Indie: whats bullshit now Indie: ive been front row Indie: 👀 & 👂 Indie: you cant chat that to me Rio: Yeah, you have, and so has he Rio: not an excuse but clearly fucked with him Indie: allow it Indie: hes been trying to get on you since he dashed ryan out Indie: fucked with you since then least Indie: it aint no new dream Rio: Yeah and I've been hoeing since when Indie: dont give him no licence to slip Indie: hes known you since younger than Rio: I've always been like this Indie: what you feeding me his lines for Rio: He's not entirely full of shit Indie: dash that Indie: youre spinning me out Indie: come back when youre you Indie: not his rinsed hoe that cant relate Indie: if youre gonna buy in you shouldve just rode him Rio: Fuck off Indie: youre his mouth piece rn Indie: word by word Rio: I don't have all the answers, alright Rio: I'm sorry but that's the truth Indie: nah Indie: the truth is you reckon hes right Indie: i live in that madness Indie: that means him or you if thats how youre trying to be Indie: *cant Rio: I'm not saying his actions were Rio: He still shouldn't have Indie: what youre saying tho is dred enough Indie: you think you can come through and raise me w that outlook nah bitch Indie: i already got one ma who let him run her Rio: What do you want me to say? Rio: I'm fucked, Indie, that's all there is to it Indie: what do you want me to say Indie: gone is gone Indie: she is and you are Indie: same reason Rio: Don't be like that Rio: I'm not dead Indie: dead to me if youre gonna let him say what he is and not fight back Rio: If that's how you feel Rio: then I can't change your mind on that Indie: how are you still rolling Indie: taking this Indie: what more he gotta do Rio: It's over now, it's done Indie: its not done Indie: he wants me to live with him Indie: pass you over Indie: he wants to say that everything he did you loved it like that Rio: Well no one believes him or will listen so Indie: then what you hiding for Indie: you dont say that but do this Rio: because I don't want to be there alright Indie: why tho Rio: Same reasons you don't Indie: where you gonna be Rio: I haven't decided where I'll end up yet Rio: but I'm going back to London with Buster for a bit Indie: safe Rio: I know that's not how you really feel Rio: but that's what I've got to do Indie: you do you Indie: ill do me and that's how it is now Rio: You still have everyone else Indie: i kno i got heads Indie: im good Indie: got all my boys including my main 💘 Rio: Yeah, them too Indie: its jam Indie: got my own back above it too Rio: I know Rio: You don't have to pretend it's all alright Rio: it's fucked Indie: like it hasnt been from when Rio: exactly Rio: so stick with the fam Rio: don't make it harder on yourself, no one wants you to Indie: tell yourself Indie: i dont need you to school me rn its hols still Rio: Be serious Indie: how serious you want it Rio: Admit that you aren't alright, accept the help people want to give you Rio: and do what I say Rio: or I will come back and force you to too Indie: i cant Rio: You can Rio: I know you can Indie: i need air from this too Indie: why is that only for you Rio: Because you're only 14 Rio: you can't do this on your own Rio: you can still be out all day and all night but don't forget that that's your base and that's your people Indie: im grown enough when thats how you want it Indie: and him Rio: Because I let you come to some parties with me and didn't baby you? Rio: It isn't the same Rio: I never made you do anything that was actually inappropriate, and I didn't love it when you were getting high 24/7 to cope, I never acted like I did Rio: so don't even start Indie: dont make me now then Rio: I'm telling you Rio: I'll come home right now, yeah Indie: nah Rio: No, I'm going to Indie: be in london or our ends, be where you want Indie: not for me tho Indie: if your around me hes around you Indie: that aint how this is playing out Rio: Not if we're home Rio: he's got some sense, fucking hell Rio: that's how it's going to be, this isn't happening, we should all be under one roof Indie: dont law me Indie: i aint owned by you Indie: you said you dont wanna be there Indie: im not carrying that i fucking cant Rio: You don't just get to do what you want, you're a child, I'm barely not one Rio: this is how we got here Indie: we got here cos of him Indie: hes not running me Indie: not ever Indie: ill do what i want Rio: Yeah, he ain't Rio: because he doesn't know how to be a fucking parent Rio: you'll get taken into care if you aren't careful Indie: thats what youre gonna chat now Indie: the baitest line you can pull Indie: thats been over me since i was born into this Indie: but where am i Indie: still Rio: because everyone else made sure you stayed here Rio: if you reckon that was the wrong decision then you can feel hard done by but everyone was just doing their best for you, what seemed best at the time Indie: i aint living like ive turned from them Indie: dont be extra Rio: Good Rio: don't Indie: if i need to make things lighter on myself i will Indie: you cant force me to be anywhere Rio: Yeah what do I know Rio: Do what you like, it's gonna be a laugh a minute Indie: im not vibing for that much of a jump off Indie: just not this Indie: let me be with people who dont kno Indie: why is that something to get the feds out over Rio: Because I was never saying you couldn't be, I don't know why you're coming at me with that Rio: but you need to promise me you're not going to keep away from the fam completely and you won't and I'm not thick Rio: I know what that means Indie: Edie gets to do it Indie: wheres her come through Rio: She doesn't Rio: she just does it Rio: we're all trying to sort that every fucking day, don't get it twisted babe Indie: how cant i Indie: everything else is Rio: I know Rio: but we don't need to be throwing more shit to sort onto the pile you feel Indie: i cant give you what you need Indie: i cant handle this Indie: i barely had my head around how it was trying to be w him and my step ma and the younger Indie: what is this Rio: I'm not asking you for anything, how can I when I'm letting you down so hard Rio: I don't know, it's fucked, everything is fucked Rio: you're still going to have a younger though, she's not going anywhere Indie: like how Edie didnt yeah? Indie: i wont be allowed near Indie: she didnt like me fore this Rio: She's a messed up kid, you are too Rio: it isn't personal, she just needs to blame us all for the shit that's in her head and I can't really blame her Rio: it's easy for us to all sit back and say well it's all Drew so don't look at us Rio: but he ain't the fucking boogeyman, whatever he is Indie: he still takes everything from me Indie: it'll play down to the next Indie: another messed up kid and then Rio: Yeah, it shouldn't have happened Rio: we can't actually castrate him though Indie: he gives me a sister to take her away again Indie: no way im playing happy families w his failed wifey am i Rio: Ro will always let you see Astrid Rio: she ain't like that, again, whatever she is Rio: you don't have to be her best friend to see your sister Indie: she didnt want me around when she was 😍 itll be less now shes 💔 Rio: She just doesn't know how to handle people Rio: fullstop Rio: it wasn't because of you Indie: you can chat that but what she doesnt kno how to handle is reminders of how he be Indie: thats me Indie: i came for her perfect image and now im an i told you so Rio: You're nothing like him, just in looks Rio: whatever grievance she has with Drew, is with him Rio: and frankly she should have sorted long ago but regardless, it ain't on you Indie: nah cos im from him, my ma everything back then he aint learned from it Indie: who wants to know that bout someone whenever they have to see me coming through Rio: You aren't that, to us you're you Rio: and to the olders, you remind them if your Ma, and all the good there Rio: No one needs reminding of his fuckups because he's still alive and out here making 'em, come on Indie: how did he want another kid and not us Rio: I don't think he did want her Rio: Sorry but Indie: I don't want to be in my head Indie: this place Indie: none Rio: I know Rio: Me either Indie: I'm sorry i didnt stay at the baby shower Indie: maybe if i wasnt so high Indie: idk man Rio: You can't blame yourself, none of us can Indie: i wasnt in your corner Rio: He was going to make that happen, he'd decided and that's how he rolls, fuck whatever any of us want or do or say Rio: You were, things were good, they don't have to change, we don't, you and me Indie: i can stop him sometimes Indie: if hes feeling it he listens to me Rio: Yeah, I'm not trying to take what you do have with him Rio: but likewise, not going to let you try to carry that burden, he's grown, he makes choices and even if you ain't got there to try and stop him, it's NEVER on you, alright Indie: me and him are rinsed out Indie: hes too on top to be around Indie: i vibe the chaos but i cant let him do me this way any more Indie: he tried to take you from me like its no thing and play it out like thats how you wanted it for long Indie: i cant unhear him how he chatted at me Rio: I'm really sorry, Inds Rio: wasteman or not, you shouldn't have to be out here calling time, but I understand and respect why and how you gotta Rio: Whatever you need, alright? You know you got me, I can get us a new place, we can go home, anything Rio: but you can take time too, you don't need to decide anything else rn Indie: he aint gonna heed it and i kno that Indie: its another reason i need to go Indie: my mans will protect me i aint gonna make you Indie: you gotta let mckenna do what he do and make it less Indie: take the air he aint trying to give none of us you kno Indie: i been a brat on how this convo went down Indie: ive got too much love for you to play you Rio: I know, he doesn't Rio: I want to, swear Rio: but maybe we both need time Rio: long as you promise to tell me when you need me to come back, I mean it, like, say the word when you need and there's no backlash of any kind alright Indie: I want you back now, for real Indie: but we all tripping off this Indie: and you need to get your head right too Indie: what he did its not just gonna be no thing cos thats easier you feel me Indie: same as how he cant switch now and need me to stand in for everything he lost Indie: he aint no dad to me Rio: You're right Rio: on all of it Rio: when'd you get so smart? Indie: im just 🚀 makes me sound it Indie: stoner wisdom be like Rio: Nah, I know that sound babe and it's usually total 💩 Indie: i miss you Indie: im not trying to but its real Rio: I miss you too Rio: we can still meet up, however long I gotta be away, I won't stay gone you know Indie: dont swerve me once you living lavish in london with that posh boy Rio: As if Rio: 24 'til I die, like Indie: how we gonna get the flat back Rio: tell the 'RA lads the address and they can firebomb him out? Rio: nah, we'll think of something though Indie: when everythings there but i kno he is Indie: im wearing creeps garms like im his rn Rio: I made Buster go for me, thank God he weren't there yet Rio: You could get Creeps to bell him for some gear and send him on a wild goose chase, pack as much as you can and duck out Rio: do it multiple times and take your stuff back home, even if you drop it whilst everyone's out, just so you've got a base that ain't got him in yeah? Indie: the excuse for why my homework aint done be 🔥 tho Indie: but yeah we riding cos thats a sick move Rio: Honestly Rio: this School this town so fucking sick of this fam Rio: lowkey hilarious if it weren't so dred Indie: innit Indie: if he wanna be my daddy so bad why he not writing me a note to get me outta detention Indie: 👀 you drew Rio: Teachers thinking you forged it 'cos who??? Indie: 🤔😂 Indie: markos here Indie: gotta bounce Rio: Oh, alright babe Rio: talk later 🧡 Indie: ✌