#I should write dangit

[tswwwit]

Just some Thirsty Thursday Answers here! Semi-NSFW

Bill chalks another one up on the board of 'Things Dipper Likes That He Didn't Know He Liked', which is almost one-to-one with 'Things Bill had his fingers crossed hoping Dipper was into' It was a long journey to get Dipper more comfortable in his own skin, and longer to add 'in bed' to that, but now? Bill is having a great time.

This is certainly an eye-spy scenario! Dipper wasn't doing any of this out in the open; knowing Bill and his.... well, everything, Dipper would be extra vigilant to make sure he wasn't around!

That doesn't mean he managed to find every eye, though. And more often than not, he sort of forgets that, oh yeah, there's one literally on him. Bill's careful not to point that one out too much, or his human husband's going to start wearing a single glove or something. That'd ruin a lot of his fun.

Any roleplay with set pieces, like 'demonic sacrifice on a fancy altar' or 'tense and weirdly erotic game of cat and mouse until one of them falls into a trap'! Bill's a big fan of setting the atmosphere. But while he can do a lot of setup in the Fearamid, sometimes you just gotta block off a pretty large section to really get the full 'looming temple in the darkness of night in the mysterious desert-or-jungle' experience! It's just not the same if you can't see the stars in alignment high above, while a big magical circle thrums around your grand and terrifying temple. 😔

(The set piece is arguably easier to manage than wrangling Dipper into some of the proposed outfits. Some of the jewelry is just cold and digs into tender places, Bill, c'mon.)

[starry-bi-sky]

Au where one day Daniel Thomas Fenton, 16 years old, retired ghost vigilante finally decides to tell his parents about the Accident when he was fourteen.

It… doesn’t end well. To say the least. Physically? Danny’s fine. But it blows up into a huge argument that ends with Danny getting disowned. And Danny, sick and tired of the years of neglect and fear and hate that’s radiated his house for years. Well, he just leaves. He doesn’t want to be part of the Fenton Family, he wants nothing to do with it.

He changes his name. Daniel Thomas Fenton to Thomas Nightingale. Before he was born, his parents asked Jazz what she thought her brother’s name would be. Two years old, she said Tommy. So when Danny was born, he was named Daniel Thomas Fenton.

Danny might not wanted to have been connected to the Fenton family, but he still wanted to be connected to his sister. He leaves town, but they keep in contact. And he stays in touch with Sam and Tucker too. They, along with Jazz, helped him change his name.

For the sake of continuity, I’ll keep calling him Danny.

A few months after Danny leaves Amity Park, he catches news from Eli. His little sisterdaughterclone contacting him to let him know that she snuck into Vlad’s to cause some mischief, and discovered that he was at it again.

He’d cloned Danny again. And this time it looked like it might be a successful boy. He was a baby. Danny rushed over to Vlad’s as fast as possible.

It wasn’t hard to break into the lab. Vlad was as cocky as he was stupid, and Danny had long since learned his tricks. The baby was being cared for by the vulture henchmen that Vlad used. Who were about as competent at taking care of a baby as the three fairies were in Maleficent.

Danny stole all information about the clone — how he was made, what Vlad did. Everything.

Turns out, the baby was more Danny’s son than he was a clone. Vlad had somehow rubbed two braincells together hard enough to have an epiphany of some sort. Rather than use Danny’s unstable DNA to make a clone from scratch, he used Danny’s DNA and an unnamed girl his age to make him.

(Safe to say, Danny was seriously creeped out.)

He also, somehow, figured out why Eli came out as Danielle rather than Daniel. It was the same reason that Danny’s suit went from white to black and his hair black to white when he went ghost. It was the ectoplasm’s weird inverting properties. Vlad had tried to make a male clone, but the ectoplasm he used inverted to make a girl. So, he tried the same thing, and instead tried to make a girl. The ectoplasm made the baby girl into a baby boy.

He had also, Danny seriously bet it was unintentional, somehow made the baby completely, utterly human. Well, almost completely human. The little boy was liminal in the same way Jazz was, with the minuscule changes to match. Sharper canines, a small ghostly sense, and eery eyes.

All in all, the baby was useless to Vlad. He didn’t have the powers Vlad wanted. Which Danny bet dollar to dollar was the biggest drawback to the egomaniac.

Well, what one crazed maniac found useless, Danny found he adored. It didn’t take long to dispatch the vultures, and Danny found himself hovering over the baby’s crib, unsure of what to do as the little boy’s bright blue eyes stared up at him with innocent wonder. He didn’t even know to fear strangers yet.

“Hello,” he said softly, and lowered his feet to the floor, changing back from ghost to human. “I’m Thomas.” He’d developed a weariness to his original name after Dan, and after his disownment, disliked it entirely.

The baby latched onto Danny’s finger with a gurgle, and that was it. Close the book, the end. Danny’s heart squeezed itself in his chest, a low coo trapped itself in his throat. And with hands that had never held something so small before, he picked him up.

“I bet he was gonna name you Daniel, wasn’t he?” He asked, trying to remember what the safest way to hold a baby that couldn’t keep its head up was. He cradled the baby to his chest. “He’s crazy. Don’t worry, I’ll take you with me.”

The baby just stared up at him, one chubby hand crushing his shirt. Danny couldn’t help but smile, now he knew why people always got so mushy around babies. There was so much to love about them. “I’ll come up with a better name.” He said, and walked away from the crib — there was probably something in Vlad’s lab that helped the baby. Some kinda diaper bag or something?

As he looked, he wracked his head for names. As well as that, he tried to think about what to do moving forward. The baby wasn’t like Eli, who was independent enough that she traveled the world and did whatever she wanted. He was a baby. Tiny, vulnerable, dependent. And legally, he didn’t exist.

“Why don’t I call you Bruce?” He said aloud, looking back down to the baby. Bruce. He liked the name. Bruce just looked up at him, and then tried to eat his shirt.

Danny didn’t think it was possible to fall in love so fast. “Okay, Bruce it is then.” He was smiling ear to ear. “Hi, Bruce.”

He found a diaper bag soon enough, it was near Bruce’s crib, tucked on it’s side under a chair. Danny slung it over his shoulder, switched forms, and flew out of the mansion

…

First thing to know about taking care of babies; it was hard. Danny flew miles from Vlad’s house, intangible and invisible, before he finally stopped at a gas station. He switched back, and then called Jazz

Who… immediately tore into him for making such a reckless, impulsive choice to go willingly into Vlad’s house

(Eli was a snitch)

(But not a big enough snitch apparently, she left the surprise baby to Danny to talk about)

And after the subsequent tearing into, Danny told her about Bruce

“What are you gonna do with him?”

“I’m not sure. I can’t just *leave* him. He’s so small Jazz.”

“Are you gonna keep him with you little brother?”

“…”

“…Just until I can figure something out.”

“I’ll send you some articles about taking care of babies then.”

Danny undeniably gets attached

He swore he’d figure something out by the end of the week. One week stretched into two. Two stretched to a month. And then a few months. And then Bruce was learning how to crawl, and he was babbling.

And he was just as attached to Danny as Danny was to Bruce.

Danny was all the way northeast by then, finding himself in Gotham. He was seventeen now, almost an adult in the eyes of the law. He was going to stay a week, if even that long, in Gotham.

And then he saved an eccentric elderly couple from being mugged. And by the end of the week he was staying in the elusive Wayne Family Manor as a special guest.

The Waynes were childless. They’d had tried for years to get a son, until eventually they gave up on it. But if you looked at their younger portraits, you’d think Danny was theirs by birth.

Days turned to weeks to months to nearly a year. And then more. Bruce was walking now, and he called Danny ‘daddy’ and he was still just as clingy as he was when he was on bottles.

Danny adored him.

And the Wayne couple were so kind to him. Danny had waited for weeks for the other shoe to drop. Nobody this rich was this kind, at least not anyone that Danny had encountered besides Sam, and Sam’s family were guppies in a pond compared to the behemoths that were the Waynes.

There was no other shoe drop. The Waynes never expected anything from Danny other than he ate well and slept well and that he stay as long as he like. They didn’t force him into attending anything, not their rich people parties or events, nothing. They bought him clothes and let him decorate his room, and spoiled Bruce positively rotten.

Danny quietly, where no one but his thoughts could hear, started to think they were better parents than the ones who gave birth to him. It changed things.

On Danny’s eighteenth birthday, the Waynes gifted him adoption papers. Danny couldn’t have grabbed his pen faster.

Danny Fenton became Thomas Nightingale, and Thomas Nightingale because Thomas and Bruce Nightingale.

Then, finally, Thomas and Bruce Nightingale became Thomas and Bruce Wayne.

[norcumii]

Over on Flight Rising, I have my favorite grumpy progen, Mall. Thanks to the April Fool's day shenanigans, this is him today:

MOSTLY normal, but let me repeat:

I know I cannot blame @aces-to-apples for this, yet I deeply want to affectionately fistshake in the general direction of blame Apples.

[kiwibirb1]

Hhhhh I wanna talk about my things will irl friends, but only like two of them have watched Amphibia, and then there's the whole. Intense amounts of angst and whump. Like there's at least 5 levels of masking I would have to take down to even get to the good bits. I'm an entirely different person irl lol.

[sincerely-sofie]

Chapter 7 of Sofie Plays "Slay the Princess": The Stranger

STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER STR---

[ Beginning ] - [ Previous Part ] - [ Next Part ]

The Narrator is a doofus (derogatory) and Ultra Princess (whose name I can't recall--- did she even give one?) lightly chastised me when I tried to sit in the woods forever to have a tantrum over it. >:(

I can't truly express this to all you folks watching at home, but the parallax / scrolling effect that has been ever-present throughout the game is entirely cattywampus in this cabin.

One day, mirror... *clenches fist* one day...

I left the blade behind again. I probably should take it with me one of these days. That doesn't really matter right now, though, because I'm too unsettled by the combination of my fear of heights and these stairs lacking any form of guardrails.

This brick joke is slowly growing on me. Used to hate it and use it as a means of fueling my distrust of the Narrator, but now it's a little comforting whenever I see it. I need to write a fanfic of this game once I'm done and use it in some kind of funny way.

Oh dear. It's an arbitrary choice that will likely have a significant impact on how this run goes... Split the difference, I guess? We'll take the center staircase.

This 100% symbolizes the various Princesses, doesn't it? Oh goodie! I'll wait to trigger the dialogue advancing so I can examine it and---

GEE THANKS PRINCESS. NOW I'M COMING DOWN FROM A HEART ATTACK AND I DIDN'T GET TO ANALYZE THAT SCREEN BECAUSE OF YOU ADVANCING THE TEXT FOR ME.

Okay the contrarian is growing on me. "Wow, what an utterly indescribable and fundamentally unsettling, eldritch experience. Time to be a rascally rogue once more!"

(Lego Movie Robot Background Character Voice) Her face is so generic it matches every other face in our database!

*deep, deep sigh* CONTRARIAN.

Okay I succumbed to the shoulder devil that is the Contrarian and...

... Those shouldn't be highlighted all at once. Sad that there's such a glaring issue in a published game. I'll select the option to leave her in the basement and OH SHOOT IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THAT WAY.

Welp. At least we can match, right?

I DO NOT LIKE MATCHING ANYMORE.

Contrarian pls I need a joke save me

Phenomenal voice acting here! I hate it.

Dangit, I wanted to see if I could even help her! You have horrible timing, Ultra Princess.

Alright besties, time to check on how the glow-up's coming along!!!!!!!!! :DDDD

I think we might need to switch up our skincare routine.

Absolutely fascinating dialogue option that is giving me emotions and I need to sit and ponder all of it for a bit.

I finally asked the Narrator if there's some sort of reward I'll receive for slaying the princess--- he answered in the affirmative. Is the reward just a continued existence? Riches? Power? Immortality?

Okay yeah no I pressed him on the subject and he's totally pulling this out of his rear. There's no reward.

This time I'm going to manage to free her--- or try as best I can, at least. Hopefully without any dismemberment this time.

(Continuing this in the next post!)

[suzukiblu]

Okay I was super-productive today, and now it's late and I wanna write some porn before bed, hah. I EARNED writing porn before bed, dangit.

So! In a reply to this post, please, which of the following options should I work on tonight?

(bonus points for providing the reasoning behind your pick)

Match and Kon and the time magic made them do it

think pink

you're a real Katch, girl

the Core Four gangs up on Kon's objectification kink

Kon is too trans for this pregnancy shit

Tim + clonecest

we are so pleased with this Match

interdimensional whoring for Timkon

Jaykon soulmates, Timkon datemates, and the wrong Superboy

[peacrowvivi]

Saying this again, why do the characters I like get brutally wobbified by their respective fandoms (First was Willow, then Luisa) , like girl!!!! They CAN kill!!! Make them go apeshit once in a while!!! They aren't just plants decorating a room standing there woefully waiting for someone to water them!!! Like they have much more personality than just "sobbing mess" and "girlfriend", let them be complex or overall explore their flaws and other lesser explored aspects of their characters!!! Like in Luisa's case it's shown in one of the books that has her POV of the whole movie events her own thoughts, and guess what, her inner thoughts are pretty sarcastic, judgemental and kinda passive aggressive, I feel that's something fun to explore a scenario where she accidentally spills her thoughts or runs out of patience and gets a bit passive aggressive!!! In Willow's case we can see that she is pretty much a perfectionist due to being desperate to be perceived as someone worth of respect but doesn't blame others, only herself if it goes wrong, what if her perfectionism actually leads to accidentally hurting someone or leading her to do something that accidentally wards someone off? What if she gets in a scenario where she is torn between doing things RIGHT at the cost of upsetting someone or making someone not upset at the cost of making things wrong but the whole fear of doing things wrong leading to everyone to be mad makes it tempting to do the other mean option??? Like they are Characters! It's in the word!!! Characteristics! Not Characteristic, they should be more than just a single aspect! It's ok for your favs to be wrong or kinda mean once in a while because it shows that they are more than just... nice or helpless! It's ok to make some mistakes! It's ok to be more than a plank dangit!!!!

I know this take doesn't sound pleasant to many people because the idea of being mean once in a while sometimes is wrongly associated with being ALWAYS a JERK or IRREDEEMABLE when it's not the case?!? It's called WRITING and putting characters in SCENARIOS that might make them out of panic or desperation to do THINGS THAT THEY NORMALLY WOULDN'T DO!!! Because it's the nature of a living being! Everything that has signals of life when it's in a desperate situation,it will do anything to dodge the worst pain or the worst consequences (Important note: In their own perception! Everyone has its own perception in something, a situation that seems that might ruin your life, on others eyes might just be the minimum pain, this might lead to stupid choices on both behalf as in panic and lack of understanding your own point of view, this is very important in life and of course writing!) at the cost of something, but of course that DOESN'T MEAN THE CHARACTER IS ALWAYS LIKE THAT OBVIOUSLY ITS JUST A LIVING BEING ADAPTING TO SURPASS A SITUATION!!! Just PLEASE!!! MAKE THEM MORE THAN JUST A SINGLE ASPECT!!! IM BEGGING YOUUUUUU!!!

[muffinlance]

State of the Muffin Report: Year Four (2022-23)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FANFIC. Little Zuko was first posted on this day five years ago, way back when I thought FanFiction.net was the place to be, and had never yet heard of AO3. 

Today I bring before you a look back on my fourth year of fanficing, as well as lofty aspirations for the coming year.

The numbers:

Fanfic:

This has been the year of ficlets. Finished Cuckoo-Vipers, Hello Dragons Here, and a few other mini-AUS; started up some others. Didn’t get as much done on existing stories as I’d wanted, but I absolutely blame pregnancy for that one. Very happy with how much I did end up writing.

Serious Face Writing:

Li’s Friends has now raised $3,907.28 USD for wildlife charity, not counting gift matches. Well done, internet. 

Currently running a pre-order for book one of Fox’s Tongue and Kirin’s Bone, which will officially be up for sale on March 21st, after a very excellent first year on RoyalRoad that got me an audiobook contract and a nice little Patreon. Thank you, people who are paying me Real Money for writing. <3

Year Five (2023-24) Goals

Fanfic: 

Putz with more ficlets and small AUs, because let’s face it, I’m going to be writing over a newborn while a toddler runs around me.

Finish the current book of Towards the Sun. We’re currently on the final field trip, so that should be very doable. —I say, using the exact same wording as I did last year, for this exact same goal. Second year’s the charm?

Get back to writing Cheating at Pai Sho. I want to get to the glory that is Season One Toph, dangit.  

Serious Face Writing & RL: 

Finish Fox’s Tongue Book Two, The Skin Stealer’s Son, and edit it up for publication and audiobook production.

Evict Secondborn from her occupation of my womb, and begin leveling her in her starter class of Baby.

Special thanks this year goes to the folks who followed me from AO3 over to Royal Road. The modest-but-very-awesome start to my serial fiction career gives me hopes that I can one day do the elusive Write Full Time thing. Which would mean both more original fic AND more fanfic. Because 48k of that word count above was absolutely me using fanfiction to procrastinate on writing my Serious Story. As one does.

Cheers,

MuffinLance

[manwiththemagic]

spn s1 ep2 "wendigo"

THATS RIGHTTTTT!! more notes for my lil rewatch thingy.. man I love this show 😭

i love the grimey lighting!! Like slay I can't see shit!!

You can almost always tell how lore based an episode will be based on what it starts with.. like it's starting with random men in woods + death so filler! A monster of the week kinda thing!!

Which also makes me wonder why when Sam and Dean were kids John would be on a hunt for weekssss. Like it can take Sam and Dean a couple of days man??

Why are these kids camping if they're just gonna be on their phones?? Most boomer writing ever. WHICH REMINDS ME DEAN IS GEN X BRO.. and jack is gen alpha😨

bro these guys are DUMB. *Friend screaming in woods* *mild concern*"uhhh brad? What's going on?" IDK A BEAR ATTACK?? GET UP FREAK.

a poca shell necklace?? makes sense. I'm glad these MFS are dying and being kidnapped.

ALSOOO wendigo?? Hannibal reference?? Jkjkjk... UNLESS? no jk..

dangit moving into emotional territory. GAHHHHH JESS ☹️. she deserved better tbh.

“i should have protected you.. should have told you the Truth..” BABY NOOOO!! you couldn't have known :(((

Oh shit it was a nightmare. Forgot he had those. Tbh Sam's visions were one of my favorite plots in the entire show!! up there with demon blood, creepifer, godstiel, hallucinations, and everything to do with Jack kline.

“another nightmare?” DAD DEAN WINCHESTER I TELL YA!!

“you want to drive for a bit?” he doesn't know how to help Sam so he's like "well driving my car makes ME happy sooooo—" and honestly? Good effort pal

“im fine” ARE YOU SAM? ARE YOU.

why are they acting like John will know what killed Jessica?? He doesn't know what killed Mary dude 💀 AND THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY HE'S MISSING. (it's because he's on the demons trail but still..)

"so black water ridge is ther—" “dude check out the size of this freaking bear!!” HELPPPP!! Dean stay on track man— HOLY SHIT THATS A BIG BEAR. NEVERRRRMINDDD.

sams side eyes LMAOOO. "Why is he talking about this bear??"

Ranger guy really just handed out private info to these random guys because they said they were some girls friends..

“why do we even need to talk to this girl???” Sam chill out 😭

“so maybe we can know what we're walking into before we walk into it???” LMAOOOO YOU TELL EM DEAN!!

Sam has had a complete character swap and I love it. He just wants to find John, and kill whatever killed Jess. And Dean is slightly tweaking bc Sam is acting SOOOO careless 😭

“since when are you all 'shoot first, ask questions later'??” “since now.” DEAN DON'T SMILE AT THAT. SAM IS NOT ACTING HEALTHY.. just because you act like that doesn't mean Sam should too lil bro 😭

WAIT HOLYSHITHOLYSHIT!!!!! ON THE FAKE ID DEAN SHOWS THE GIRL IT SAYS SAMUEL COLT!! LIKE THE LEGEND. THE MAKER OF THEEE COLT GUN. THE MAKER OF THE TRAP TO THE GATE OF HELL IN S2/3 GAVNS HOKY SHITTTT!! REFERENCE!!

why is it that whenever Dean is about to 'hit it' or yk pull a women he looks at Sam with a smug smile. Like.. "look Sammy. She thinks I'm cool. Yeaaaaa women love me im SOOOOO awesome! 😼" If you were so cool you wouldn't be desperate for your little brothers validation.

codependent siblings meet codependent siblings.

“our parents are gone. It's just me two brothers and me, we keep pretty close tabs on each other..” Literally kid Sam and Dean core.

So this girl is all like "yea guess I'll see you out in the woods then. I'm gonna find em. I have too" and deans all like "I know how you feel.." DO YOU? who actually cares about John bro..

Nerd Sam finds shadows on bad video. Dean is wayyy to proud of him dude😭 it's honestly kinda sweet.

STOP HARASSING SAD OLD PEOPLE 😭😭 last episode with the guy with a dead wife and kids, this episode with a guy who saw his parents murdered and got mauled by a "grizzly bear" LIKE LEAVE THEM ALONE BRO😭😭

holy shit that scar is so bad. I'd cry.

“its corporal..” "stfu nerd what does that even mean??" "Its—" "blah blah, which means we can kill it! It's corporal." HE JUST SAID THAT DEAN..

sams kinda right.. it's dangerous for this girl to go with you, but deans also right.. she's gonna go no matter what.

LMAO COOL IT ON THE SASS SAM. “finding dad's not enough?? Now we gotta babysit too??” HELPPPP

Dean why are you looking so OKSY WITH THIS. Sam is clearly not right in the head bro😭 all he's thinking is "Sam's acting all tough like me 😼 kinda being a dick but we don't know these people so idrc"

“and your hiking in biker boots and jeans?” “well honey I don't do shorts 😒💅” HES SO ICONIC!!

this Roy guy is dumb. Like they're (in your perspective) rangers, they know what they're doing chill out. Obviously they know how dangerous the woods are??

and another one bites the dust.. RIP RANDOOOOO

dean finally met his snarky match.. “say uhh.. those critters ever hunt you back?” *gets yanked still.* “whatcha doing Roy?” *Roy picks up stick and disables bear trap.* “watch your step ‘ranger’”

OH MY GOD THE BROWN JACKET!! I miss the old wardrobe sm. Sam reminds me of a deer, no wonder Crowley calls him moose.

“your not rangers. Who the hell are you?” SHE CLOCKED THEMMM!! they've gotten caught twice in 2 episodes. C'mon guys. Your 2-0. losing. Or is it 0-2? Idk sports reference.

HOWEVER DON'T HATE THE DUFFLE BAG LADY. that stays for all 15 seasons. I think 😡

“besides it's probably the most honest I've ever been with a woman. ever..” HELP?? NOT A FLEX DUDE. you cannot convince me pre-series Dean had game. no way.

“what do you mean I didn't pack provisions?” THEN HE PULLS OUT A GIANT BAG OF M&M'S. ARE YOU FR??? HELSPSBSB

they are at the cords and... NOTHING. however there's no crickets so duh, obviously preds are around. Like animals not pedos. I CAN'T SPELL FAUCK

“you shouldnt go off by yourself..” “thats sweet. :)” ROY I LOVE YOU OLD MAN.

Also Ben (the kiddish brother of the girl) is listening to music in his earbuds the whole way and honestly? That's so real of him.

I love how Sam just follows dean around, ducking over his shoulder. It's kinda cute. I LOVE MY SONSS

I really don't remember much about the random man screaming but... yep they got their packs stolen. Tsk tsk tsk.

It's so obviously NOT A BEAR. bears don't commit kidnappings believe it or not!!

“so much for my gps and satellite phone :((” oh 2005, how I miss you.(I wasn't alive)

I really do like the old phones though tbh. No texting. (Even if there was, Dean probably couldn't figure it out back then)

“it wants to cut us off so we can't call for help..” “it? You mean someone. Some NUTJOB.” no Sam knows what he said Roy.

Sam dragging Dean away to speak in private omg. Dude I know these MFS are brothers, but they sneak around so much they act like a closeted gay couple. People on the road def thought that— HELL the entire bugs episode exists?? All the real estate agents were like "we sell to ALL types of people." And the second time they got hinted at being gay, Dean gave up and called Sam honey 💀💀

Finally they know what it is, even if Dean doesn't believe smarty pants sam.

sams right. These strangers?? Gotta go!!

“im trying to protect you.” “trying to protect me? I was hunting these woods when your mommy was still kissing you goodnight!” jokes on you HE DOESN'T HAVE A MOMMY!! hah! Take that!!

finally Dean talking to Sam. “no your not fine. I'm supposed to be the belligerent one, remember?” FINALLY.

“dads not here. Why are we still here?” valid point Sam! “this is why. (*Pulls out journal*)" NOOOOOOUHHHH. They treat it like it's the Bible. ITS NOT. “maybe dad wants us to take over where he left off. Saving people., hunting things. The family business.” dude. Sam is grieving over Jessica. Just let him grieve, kill the thing, and go back to law school 😭

“why doesn't dad just talk to us?” FR. I hate john.

Deans following orders, and Sam just wants to finish everything. It's kinda crazy how alike Sam and John are, but in different ways?? Idk.

Dean trying to comfort Sam but saying shit that doesn't help part 1!!

roy got nabbed. DUMBAHH

don't make Dean go into his backstory girl.. I know he looks like a pretty princess in leather but..

oh shit this IS an old show. They said 'Indian'. Which reminds me of in the bunker when Sam corrects Dean and says 'native American'. Idk if it's just because I was raised with hearing native American but calling them Indians is stupid. Like there can't be two?? And they just straight up AREN'T INDIAN?? but WTV..

ahhh yesssssssaaaa!! The cannibal lore of wendigos! reminds me of a certain gay phycologist? or uh.. wait what does he do.??? Physiatrist? WAIT—

okayyyy soooo fire? Cause wtfdym guns are useless?? damn when ARE guns useful.

why is Sam so smart. "Dawg the tracks? To obvious and clear it wants us to—"

HOLY SHIT ROY. we found him—yay???...

RUN BITCH RUNNNNNUUUUH

welp they lost Dean and Hailey.

No way the stupid product placement was actually important. Good job music kid!!

Also not part of the show but I found a pimple on my arm and YIKES the amount of puss— uh anyways..

*WARNING DO NOT ENTER* OMG let's go in here!!

like..

I mean yes they are probably in there but jesus.

okay now the boring plot.. blah blah save people, blah blah bad 2000's effects, blah blah.

Honestly the monster aspect of the monster show was kinda lacking in the first few episodes for me. I lLOVEEEE the monster stuff normally, don't get me wrong, but idk the action isn't peak rn, and we barely get to see the monster. :9

and Sam gets to drive baby!!! YIPPEE!!

[ckret2]

Do you think Shapeshifter can make a new face for himself if Mr. What's-His-Face steals it from him? Or would Mr. What's-His-Face's magic somehow prevent him from recreating his face no matter how hard he tries?

That's a fantastic question.

Okay so we know that the stolen face and the body are still magically connected somehow. Mabel's body doesn't suffocate and die while it's missing a face, and it can see what's happening through her eyes and based on that information write messages or signal the people around her. And on the other hand, her face can speak (which needs vocal cords) and blink, look around, and make expressions (which needs a brain), so the connection's clearly going both directions here. The face isn't severed from the body.

We know that the Shapeshifter actively alters its DNA when it shapeshifts. And we know that embryos of different species look very similar early in development; their heads, torsos, and tails start out looking nearly identical before the embryos develop enough to look like their respective species:

which would mean that if the Shapeshifter is accurately altering its DNA to these target species, there would be a set part of its body that's always "the head"—which would mean "the face" is probably always in the same place.

But, it doesn't accurately alter its DNA. Most of the forms it takes are learned from pictures and illustrations—it has no way to know those creatures' DNA. So it probably doesn't work by reading and copying a creature's DNA, but by looking at a creature and rewriting its DNA on the fly to produce a body that outwardly resembles the target. It doesn't turn itself into a clone of its target, it simply mimics it. And so—like moths that mimic predators' faces by growing eyespots on their wings—there's no reason the physical features Shifty is mimicking should grow on the "appropriate" body part.

All the same, most of the time we see Shifty shapeshift, it appears to be converting its body parts into the target creature's same body part—eyes to eyes, head to head, arms to arms, legs to legs, etc. Unless motivated otherwise, it usually seems to rewrite its DNA similarly to how embryos work: rather than rewriting a body from scratch every single time, it falls back on a basic blueprint for body shapes (so that the head is always the head, etc) and then programs the details (pigmentation, texture, hair, clothes) to give it a more "specific" appearance. But, as we've seen, it's not strictly limited to such appearances:

So, here's what I think:

The part of flesh that Mr. What's-His-Face takes, he keeps. And if Shifty tries to transform, say, from human-shape into elephant-shape, then the face that Whatsis has will turn from a human face into an elephant face. This is because Shifty's first instinct is to keep using the same part of its body as a face.

But with deliberate effort, Shifty could turn a different part of its body into a face, and could transfer the part of its body currently serving as a "face" to some other part of its body, like, the back of a hand or something, so now Whatsis just has what looks like blank back-of-hand skin in his collection.

Internally, this would be like rewiring the nerve endings from your face and hand so that they swap places, and now the face part of your brain is receiving signals from your hand and the hand part of your brain is receiving signals from your face. Somebody pokes your cheek and it feels like they're poking the back of your hand. If you're some kind of alien with crazy DNA-altering powers you could do it, but like, it would be really confusing for a while. And I suspect for a while, Shifty would probably keep accidentally trying to use its stolen face as a face again and then going "dangit" and re-shifting its parts around to make something else a face AGAIN.

Shifty might have an easier time just walking around looking like Slender Man with Pale Man palm-eyeballs until it can track down Whatsis and steal its face back.

[zuzuelectricbugaloo]

Okie dokie everyone,

I’m so sorry for the delay! This had not been my month physically-got problems with my eyes, sliced my finger open on an oven door (still can’t believe that’s possible jeez) and as of last night fractured my finger on my other hand (RIP. Its fine. Probably just dislocated. It’s only got some swelling and bruising. ANYWAY—) BUT SO HELP ME I WILL WRITE OUT ALL MY CREPIC WANTS DANGIT

Are they good? Probably not I’m no writer xD But they’re here and free so I hope you enjoy! And if not that’s okay! Like I said, I’m not a writer and doing my best. If there’s ever any constructive criticism PLEASE feel free to share! I adore all interaction and the thought that yall would care enough to comment 🥰

Officially posted Chapter 3 of Letters here and on AO3. Weirdly got a few formatting issues and weird autocorrect moments, but things should be fine. If not lemme know ^v^

Here’s the link if needed and or wanted to AO3

[tonberry-yoda]

You Don't Have to Miss Me

Pairing - Reaper x reader

Warnings - none! angsty, but fluffy, but angsty lol (i also didnt proofread this at all lol, so if there are some funky bits, i really dont care lmaooooo)

Word Count - 1,954

Notes - i have been loving overwatch and then this hottie appeared and i was like... dangit. now i have to write for him smh. this is 7 pages on google docs lmaooo. im not the biggest fan of this one, but i thought i would just put it here for funsies lol. enjoy and have a good day and stay hydrated!! <333

Gabriel woke up, completely exhausted. Nothing new. At least he had those few moments of sleep that made him forget about the pain. Even if it was only a couple of hours, it was bliss. But it still didn't make up for the times he would wake up with nothing but pain surging through his body.

He quickly got out of bed, trying to make himself busy before he thought too much about the pain. That was difficult though, especially considering just how bad it hurt. He was in agony. It's like he was going insane. He just wanted it to stop.

Gabriel jumped feeling his cat rub on his leg, hoping to get some attention. Gabriel leaned down with a small smile, petting it on the head. “I'll feed you soon, Grimm.”

Grimm mewed with curiosity as Gabriel walked to the bathroom immediately greeted by his tired face. The icing on the cake. On top of feeling like shit, he looked like shit too. Just great.

He was quickly pulled from his mind as he felt Grimm’s soft fur back on his legs. “Grimm, no kitties in the bathroom.” He held Grimm from under his arms, the fat thing going ragdoll mode just to annoy Gabriel. “Shoo, out.” Gabriel pushed Grimm’s chubby butt away from the bathroom and slammed the door, sad and lonely meows quickly following.

Gabriel just stared at himself in the mirror for a moment before taking a deep breath. He needed to take a goddamn shower. He already looked and felt like shit, he didn't want to smell like it on top of that.

Ignoring the sad meows from the other side of the door, Gabriel let the water from the shower cover his whole body. Nice and warm. Today was going to be a long day, best to start it off good.

His nice shower was quickly interrupted, however, when he heard his phone ring. Usually, he would ignore that sort of thing, but when he peeked his head out of the shower, he saw your name plastered on his screen.

He cursed under his breath and jumped out of his shower, wiping his hands dry enough to at least answer the call.

“Reaper! That you?!” He put you on speaker and could hear that you were in the middle of battle, gunshots and explosions going off in the background.

“Y-Yeah. What’s up?” He jumped back in the shower, washing the soap out of his hair.

“Are you in the shower right now? OH SHIT!” He heard a couple of gunshots in the background and then silence.

“Are you oka-”

“You still there, Reaper?”

“Yeah, I'm still here.” He quickly ended his shower and wrapped a towel around his lower half.

“Are you nearby at all?” You sounded out of breath.

“Nearby as in…”

“We’re in Spain right now. I was wondering if you-”

Gabriel laughed, drying off his hair. “Sorry, sweetheart. I'm at home in America right now. There is no way in hell I'm rushing my ass over to Spain in the next five minutes. Call someone else.”

“Ugh! You’re no help, you know that?!” You took cover and reloaded your gun. “EAT MY BULLETS YOU PIECE OF SHIT!! I'll call you later, Reaper. I should be back tomorrow morning. Oh… and about the other night-”

“I don't want to talk about it.” Gabriel put his finger over the hang up button, tempted to press it.

“Don't hang up, Reaper. I just wanted to-”

Gabriel hung up quickly. He didn't want to talk about the other night, nor did he want to hear about it.

— — —

“What an asshole!” You reloaded your gun and went haywire on the other team.

“Is everything alright?” Widowmaker ran up to you and quickly grabbed your hand helping you off of the ground.

“I'm fine. Just a little pissed, that’s all.” You couldn't help but talk through gritted teeth. You were on edge right now.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Widowmaker watched your back and you watched hers. Thank god you had her on your side.

“I mean… I do… but he asked if we could keep it on the downlow, so I don't think I can.”

“He? You didn't tell me this was about a guy!” Widowmaker’s eyes went shiny, ready for you to spill everything.

“Oh, shut up, Widow, it's not like that.” You rolled your eyes, giggling a bit.

“Sure it's not.” Her tone was mocking, but it didn't stop you from laughing a bit. “So, who is he? Is he handsome? Does he have muscles?”

“Not telling. Yes. Yes.” You quickly ran through her questions, keeping your eyes on the other team.

“Do I know him?”

“I'm not telling you that.”

Widow rolled her eyes and you both heard a loud, “FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!”, which meant it was time for you both to get out of there.

“Come on, y/n! Just tell me!”

“He would kill me if I did that!” You both hurdled over a bus and held the back of your heads for cover.

“I got it!” You heard loud music and looked up to find Lucio, who threw you a thumbs up. Quickly after his attack, there was cheering from the rest of your team.

You won. Thank god.

Maybe that would finally get Widowmaker to stop asking questions.

— — —

“Sooooo,” DVA walked over to you, taking a long sip from some fruit punch. “I heard you were uh… you know… with a guy?”

You nearly choked on your food that you got from the little celebration table for winning. Of course Widowmaker had to blab about this. You knew you should’ve kept your mouth shut.

“Look, DVA, it doesn't really matter, okay? Where’d you get the punch?” You tried to change the subject, but of course that wouldn't work for DVA.

“So, who is he? Is he a dirtbag? I hope he’s treating you well!” She put her hands on her hips dramatically and you shook your head, standing up to leave.

“It doesn't matter, DVA. And yes! He’s treating me fine, thank you!”

“But Widowmaker said you were pretty pissed at him.” DVA checked her nails and you froze. How much did Widowmaker say?

“What are you two talking about?” Widowmaker appeared, grabbing herself something sweet off of the table full of food.

“Oh nothing,” you walked over, nonchalantly taking some food for yourself. “Just that you're spilling the news to everyone about a guy that I'm friendly with.”

Widowmaker’s face turned a dark shade of red. “I-I'm sorry. I just thought-”

You giggled and patted her on the shoulder. “I'm joking Widow. But seriously,” your tone got low, getting close to her ear. “Tell one more person and you’re gonna get it.”

Widowmaker laughed nervously, but you gave her another reassuring pat. “You can't blame me for wanting to know about the mystery man, y/n.”

“I know, I know it's just-” You were quickly interrupted by your ringtone. “Sorry, Widow, I gotta-” You looked down at the name and your face went bright red. “I-I gotta go! Eat an extra cake for me, okay?!”

Why did Reaper have to call you now?

“Hello?” You found a small closet to hide in for the time being, far enough from the celebration. “Reaper?”

“Hey… uh…” Gabriel rubbed the back of his neck. “Are you busy?”

“No… I mean… we just won, so we’re kinda celebrating,” you scooted an old mop to the side, sitting on the ground. “But I'm not busy. I can talk.”

“Oh, congrats.”

“O-Oh! Thanks, Reaper! So… uh… what did you want to talk about?” Your voice was soft, trying not to attract any attention if anyone walked by.

“Uhm… you know what… nevermind. It doesn't really matter. Celebrate your accomplishment. You deserve it. See you tomorrow, alright?” Gabriel went to press the hang up button, but you stopped him.

“Wait… Reaper… what’s up?”

“I'm sorry.”

“Sorry? Why are you sorry?”

“Just,” Reaper sighed. “About the other night. I know we haven't seen each other in a while. I shouldn't have-”

“Gabe… I mean, Reaper. You don't have to apologize. Really. I just-” You were quickly interrupted by a knock on the door. “I have to go. We can talk tomorrow. Promise.”

“Wait, I-” You hung up the phone, leaving Reaper’s house in complete silence.

— — —

Gabriel woke up to the feeling of Grimm’s cold paws on his face. “Dude,” he sat up, his voice tired. “Who the heck let you in here? Did I leave my door open last night?”

Grimm mewed at him sweetly and ran his tail under Gabriel’s chin. He looked around the room, subconsciously petting Grimm. Something was off. Different. His door was open and so was his closet. Did he just forget to close everything the night before? Was he that tired?

Grimm jumped off the bed with a loud meow and quickly ran down the stairs. He was acting weird too. Was Gabriel just that tired?

He just remembers getting off of the phone with you and then…

Wait.

Gabriel quickly jumped out of bed, slipping on some sweatpants, and ran downstairs, immediately greeted by the smell of eggs and bacon. He slid to the kitchen, pulling out his guns pointing them at… you?

“Woah! Put those down, Reaper!” You ran up and moved his guns down with a giggle. “Sorry! I didn't want to wake you up!”

Gabriel sighed with relief and leaned against a nearby counter. “I knew something was off in the house.”

You smiled and handed him a plate of breakfast. “I'm just glad you didn't shoot me.”

“Me too.” Gabriel chuckled softly and took his breakfast with a soft thank you.

“I'm not mad by the way, Gabe.” Your voice was low, your eyes glued to the window in his kitchen.

“You're not?”

You shook your head and turned your gaze to Gabriel. “We just… needed to talk. Maybe not that loudly,” you chuckled and took a long sip from your coffee. “But we talked, didn't we?”

“I guess… I just… I didn't want to yell at you like that.” Gabriel got flashbacks of a couple nights ago. You were just coming to visit. It had been years. You ended up talking… and then yelling… and then screaming. Some of it felt good, and some of it didn't. Some of it he meant to say, and most of it, he didn't. He knew you cared about him… he just didn't want to get attached. He didn't want to be a burden to you. He just… wanted you to be happy. And he didn't think that being around him would make that happen.

“And I didn't want to yell at you like that either, Reaper. I just… I care about you.”

“But you shouldn't.” Reaper could feel tears in his eyes that he quickly tried to cover. He couldn't cry. He wouldn't.

You walked up and cupped his cheek, smiling into his eyes. Something about seeing him without the mask made you feel special. Hell, maybe you were.

“Gabe, I-”

He couldn't help it. Those cute eyes. That sweet smile. Your soft touch. He cupped both sides of your face and leaned down to your level, pressing his lips to yours. You quickly sank in, throwing your arms around the back of his neck, pulling him closer.

He couldn't help but still love you. Even after you and Soldier left him. Even after he left you. He couldn't help but want you back in his life. He loved you. He loved you so much.

You pulled away, running your fingers through his soft, but messy hair. “Gabe. I miss you.”

“You don't have to miss me anymore.”

[macawritesupdates]

I've gathered up ALL the comments for "Can't Help a Cuddle" and now compiling them into chapter two to write hehe! Should be starting it soon!

Updating A Rut Time of It and Jealousy Isn't a Good Friend today after I finish edits for the MHA fics c: TOMORROW Lessons in Accidental Seduction is going to update, dangit! Going to finish writing it today and set about edits tomorrow!

Malevolence of Love is also soon to update! Def this week <3

[undertalethingems]

💞 - Who's your comfort character

[ Mine would be Asriel ]

i mean, it should come as no surprise that it's sans lol

he's just a tired sad dude trying to get by, and it honestly always weirds me out a bit when people make him a super-powerful godlike being, or say he deserves bad things happening to him, or like, make him an insane murderer or something extreme like that. he's just some guy who was handed an existential crisis and is just trying to cope

it doesn't stop me from writing him facing hardships or angst, but i wanna see him get better or be comforted and supported by his friends as well. he deserves nice things too, dangit!

[nicetryfed]

I've been playing around with AI generated images for my AO3 WIP because it's not like I can draw. I can barely fucking write, but dangit I am hanging in there.

The prompt I've been trying out is "Crowley petting a baby goat." or a variation thereof. (Look, is it weird? Yes. Is it relevant to my WIP? Yes. Should it be? No, but I get carried away in the minutiae and now I've backed myself into a corner and now this subplot is happening.)

Most of the images are... well, there's a reason r/CursedAI is a thing. I've selected a few of those that either delighted me, or have haunted the recesses of my mind for several weeks now.

I've had to see these, now you do, too.

And my personal favorite, using the prompt "Aziraphale doing goat yoga"

[leupagus]

If I were writing this, I'd call it "Little Scraps of Wisdom," but I'm not writing it

So @themardia and I were talking, as we so often do, about why Henry Lasso should be in high school and not grade school, and... things happened. [Warning for some discussions of stillbirth and child death—not Henry—and warning for... us being us, basically]

Chapter One: In Which Gus And Mardia Discuss Why They Should've Been Consulted On Ted Lasso

GUS: SEE THIS IS WHY HE SHOULD HAVE HAD HENRY BE LIKE 17

MARDIA: MAKE THE KID BE A COLLEGE FRESHMAN

GUS: IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO FUNNY

MARDIA: and Ted and Michelle are empty nesters and that’s part of why the marriage implodes

MARDIA: people get married and have kids young! It happens!!!!

GUS: well and like... the implication from the show is that they got married out of college or whatnot, at least imo

GUS: when he mentions meeting her in the school parking lot

GUS: that was always my takeaway

MARDIA: Oh yeah

GUS: so right, they get married at say 23

Chapter Two: In Which Gus Has A Bad Idea

GUS: ...god you know what would make sense but would be like

GUS: SO DARK

MARDIA: Oh no

GUS: oh yes

MARDIA: I am afraid

GUS: maybe they DID have a kid

GUS: and he DIED

MARDIA: OH NO

GUS: YES

MARDIA: DANGIT GUS

GUS: is it worse if Henry was born before or after Kid A kicked the bucket

MARDIA: After

GUS: you're right

GUS: Michelle being like "we'll just try again! Mulligan!"

GUS: or wait no I think Ted would be more like that

GUS: and Michelle is devastated but like, pregnancy was actually really easy for her or whatever, so they have Henry

MARDIA: Yep yep

GUS: I think this only makes sense if the first kid died because of something they couldn't have prevented

GUS: bc if it had been an accident or something no WAY would ted have been able to like, leave

MARDIA: Or heck, even a stillbirth

GUS: man this is so terrible, thank you for yes-and-ing my horribleness

MARDIA: Ahahaha here for you

GUS: I think a stillbirth they would've tried again sooner

MARDIA: Ooh true

GUS: but like if the kid's IDK

GUS: ...doing math in my head... maybe 12? when it dies?

GUS: that gives them time to get henry, if henry's about 7 at the start of the show

GUS: and Ted and Michelle are early 40s

MARDIA: Oof this is dark af

GUS: honestly I want to write this now

GUS: oh man what if he had a daughter

MARDIA: DAMMIT GUS

GUS: WHAT IF HE HAD A DAUGHTER MARDIA

MARDIA: STOP TRYING TO HURT ME

GUS: AND WHEN HE SAID THINGS LIKE "LITTLE GIRLS ARE MYSTERIOUS AND PLAYFUL AND I GAVE UP TRYING TO FIGURE THEM OUT A LONG TIME AGO"

GUS: HE WAS THINKING ABOUT HIS LITTLE GIRL

MARDIA:

GUS: HAHAHAHA

Chapter Three: In Which Gus Has A Slightly Better Idea

GUS: ok ok what if instead I wrote that they DID have a first kid

GUS: but she's still alive

GUS: an actual Mary Sue

MARDIA: Thank you

MARDIA: Yes

MARDIA: I am a delicate flower 

GUS: I'd even call her that

GUS: Mary Sue Lasso

MARDIA: No judgment

MARDIA: Ted WOULD name his kid that

GUS: he absolutely would

GUS: ok so Mary Sue

GUS: first season she's finishing high school in Kansas

GUS: second season she rolls up because she got into college somewhere in the UK

GUS: not cambridge or oxford

MARDIA: St Andrews!

MARDIA: That’s the only other Uk college I know

GUS: oh my god I'm looking up colleges in the uk

GUS: she has to go to University College

MARDIA: Ahahahahahah

GUS: because that's the dumbest fucking name ever

MARDIA: it IS

GUS: she straight up applied because she didn't think it was a real place

GUS: and because her dad was like "aww you should apply to somewhere in the UK! then we can be expat buddies!"

GUS: and she DOES love him but like, jeez dad

GUS: anyway she gets in, has a HUGE fight with Michelle about it/the divorce/etc and is like FINE I'LL GO TO LONDON I'LL GIVE YOU ALL THE SPACE JUST LIKE DAD DID, TOO BAD YOU CAN'T DIVORCE ME TOO

MARDIA: AHAHAHHA

GUS: like one of those very teenager fights

GUS: so when she gets to the UK she's still like, fuming

GUS: and Ted's like "... hi honey"

GUS: and she's like "I'M ON MY PERIOD AND I HATE MOM, GIVE ME CHOCOLATE AND LET'S GO ON THAT FERRIS WHEEL THING"

GUS: I feel like she stays with Ted

GUS: and absolutely destroys his apartment

MARDIA: and there is so much makeup in the bathroom

GUS: Five different shampoos

Chapter Four: In Which Mardia Proposes An SMAU Of Sorts

MARDIA: She tries out every new TikTok trend

MARDIA: Ted has a heart attack when he comes home and tries the wolf cut haircut

GUS: oh my god what is THAT

GUS: is both his reaction and mine

MARDIA: LOL

MARDIA: it’s basically like a shag haircut

GUS: oh god

MARDIA: There’s this famous YouTuber Brad Mondo

MARDIA: Who reacts to people fucking up their hair

MARDIA: And offers many tutorials

MARDIA: Anyway thanks to him

MARDIA: I know the wolf cut is popular with the youths

GUS: terrible I love it

MARDIA: And I love the idea of Ted watching it so he can help her

GUS: omg

GUS: YES

MARDIA: She puts the whole thing on the internet

MARDIA: It goes viral

GUS: periodically he'll stop and say "Hi Henry! Just me and your sister having ourselves a barbershop duo!"

GUS: because he thinks she's filming for Henry alone

MARDIA: AHAH

GUS: she has a whole series

GUS: omg what if she did this back in Kansas too

GUS: WHAT IF SHE WAS THE ONE WHO FILMED THE LASSO DANCE

GUS: and everybody in Richmond knows about this including the press but nobody talks to ted about it

GUS: assuming he knows

GUS: which of course He Does Not

GUS: should this have a ship

MARDIA: Of course not!

MARDIA: YES

MARDIA: MARY SUE AND SHANNON

GUS: lol I was thinking for Ted but yes good

MARDIA: Lololol

MARDIA: I think Trent

MARDIA: Just because the parallels with the daughters is funny to me

GUS: god right

GUS: what if she hates him at first

GUS: and is BIG MAD at him for betraying her dad with that article

MARDIA: YES

GUS: but in the end is like, ... I GUESS if you like him or whatever

GUS: this would be funniest in her POV I think

MARDIA: Yes

MARDIA: Bc her response to Ted is so different

GUS: but it does mean I would have to learn more about TikTok

MARDIA: I…will try to help

MARDIA: I have one but I barely get it myself

GUS: THANK YOU

GUS: basically I just need verisimilitude in re: uploading vids, getting responses etc

MARDIA: Oh for sure

GUS: I assume it's like insta/snapchat/twitter in terms of like

GUS: people can comment/like/subscribe

MARDIA: It’s basically the successor to vine if you know what that is

GUS: I do!

GUS: vaguely

MARDIA: There you go!

GUS: I never had one but i understood the basics 

GUS: mostly I'm Old Person about all of that

MARDIA: Dancing challenges are super common

GUS: Mary Sue definitely puts together a compilation of Lasso Dance Competitions

MARDIA: OOH YES

GUS: someone else did a music compilation thing to the GO LASSO GO LASSO GO chant that's like, catapulted some tiktok musician into actual success

GUS: ie like this

Chapter Five: In Which Gus Nixes The SMAU

GUS: okay god I am NOT making a fucking SMAU

MARDIA: Ahahahahahah

GUS: basically it's season 2 plus teenage daughter

GUS: but all through her POV

MARDIA: I dig it

GUS: so there's limited interest in what Ted's actually up to

GUS: I wonder if she knows about his panic attacks

GUS: I bet he doesn't tell her

MARDIA: I think this is when she figures it out

MARDIA: Or like, she finds out with everyone else

GUS: but like not because her dad was OPEN AND HONEST WITH HER

MARDIA: If she finds out when the article drops

GUS: so her anger at Trent would be like a drop in the bucket of her RAGE at her dad

MARDIA: Or because the article drops

MARDIA: she’s mad at EVERYBODY

GUS: EVERYBODY

MARDIA: does she know about how her grandpa died?

GUS: for sure, but again not because Ted told her

GUS: because that's the kind of family secret that's not actaully a secret

GUS: it's more a We Don't Talk About Bruno deal

MARDIA: Also she 100% takes a swing at Nate if she finds out he was the source

MARDIA: I love the idea of Ted having a daughter who is emphatically Not Nice

MARDIA: And may occasionally have rage issues

GUS: is it funnier if she's like, the spit of Michelle ie a tiny blonde

GUS: or more along the lasso lines so she can actually do damage to Nate

MARDIA: I think it’s funnier if she’s a mini Lasso

GUS: I mean either way Nate would be terrified

MARDIA: Like imagine a tiny teenage female Ted

MARDIA: But MAD

GUS: HAHA

GUS: I'm imagining like

GUS: Florence Pugh

GUS: which is funny for a number of reasons

MARDIA: ahahaha omg that would be great

MARDIA: Give her dark hair tho

GUS: maybe she used to dye it blonde

GUS: like her mom

MARDIA: Ooh yeah

GUS: (bc no way is Michelle a natural blonde, no disrespect but srs)

GUS: (which: neither is Rebecca so)

MARDIA: Particularly bc Sudekis’ hair isn’t that dark

MARDIA: so going blond wouldn’t be that hard or that shocking

GUS: lol what if she home dyes her hair all the time

GUS: just destroying Ted's bathroom

GUS: because she felt pink

MARDIA: this is how she’s a Brad mondo addict 

GUS: and he's like "babydoll you know I love you very much but what the heck"

MARDIA: And Ted starts having to watch just to understand wtf is happening on his baby’s head

GUS: she comes into his bedroom one night and he does like a Keeley-worthy toss of his phone across the room

GUS: and she's like "...ew if you're watching porn, gross"

GUS: "but also, that stuff is exploitative and you should really be on Make Love Not Porn"

GUS: and Ted is like "...thanks?"

Chapter Six: In Which Okay, This Might Have Some SMAU Elements

MARDIA: I gotta say

MARDIA: It would be even funnier

MARDIA: If Ted is actually pretty good with hair

MARDIA: Both bc he learned thanks to having a kid

GUS: true! ooh what if Ted was the primary caregiver bc Michelle was the breadwinner

MARDIA: so when she uploads the videos of her dad doing the wolf cut

MARDIA: He is very earnestly and carefully sectioning her hair

GUS: **chinhands

MARDIA: And talking about how you have to do it like THIS because that Brad boy said so

MARDIA: And waxing poetic about getting the right type of scissors

MARDIA: “Can’t be hacking at your hair with kitchen shears”

GUS: all the while Mary Sue just looking dead into the camera

MARDIA: and putting on the screen type that says BRAD MONDO YOU CREATED A MONSTER

MARDIA: Brad mondo immediately does a reaction video

MARDIA: He is DYING

MARDIA: and also SO VINDICATED

MARDIA: “See THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FOLLOW THE CORRECT METHOD”

MARDIA: He’s actually super enthused about Ted’s technique

MARDIA: oh god

MARDIA: What if she’s a semi regular on his channel

GUS: yes

GUS: continue

MARDIA: Like, she’s done wild shit to her hair in the past

MARDIA: So he’s reacted to her a few times

MARDIA: And is straight up going “I’m sorry but you need your dad to do your hair more often, this is the best you have ever looked"

GUS: I feel like that would be CRUSHING to an 18 year old but like

GUS: objectively hilarious

MARDIA: He’s actually very nice on the whole

MARDIA: But honest

GUS: Mardia

GUS: you look me in the screen and tell me what 18 year old wants honesty

MARDIA: HAH

MARDIA: like, she tends to go wild bc she is impatient

MARDIA: like, her hair never looks BAD BAD

MARDIA: but Brad is vibing bc Ted is METHODICAL 

MARDIA: And takes the time to do it CORRECTLY

MARDIA: (To be fair, the wolf cut technique is supposed to be idiot proof)

MARDIA: (It is not)

GUS: (there are a lot of idiots in the world ok)

MARDIA: Like, the video is just Ted being patient and following ALL THE STEPS

MARDIA: while Mary Sue just squirms bc she is IMPATIENT OKAY

MARDIA: And to add insult to injury

MARDIA: Brad keeps pausing the video

MARDIA: To point out all the things that Ted is doing CORRECTLY

MARDIA: “You see how he’s directing the ponytail to the very top of her head”

GUS: I love it

GUS: although fair warning, you're writing that part

MARDIA: HAH I got you

GUS: I'm just going to be like [HAIR SCENE/FILMNG HEREY]

GUS: [BRAD REACTION VID HEREY]

MARDIA: AHAHHHAHA

MARDIA: Perfect

GUS: god

GUS: what if she used to get comments back before her dad became famous

GUS: (bc she's been doing this since she was like 15)

GUS: from women being like "IS UR DAD SINGLE"

GUS: and she was like "EW NO HE ISN'T STOP LEAVING WEIRD SEX COMMENTS ABOUT MY DAD"

GUS: like not puriteen about it

GUS: but like full on Amy from Brooklyn 99

GUS: EW ROSA THAT'S OUR DADS

MARDIA: YES PERFECT

GUS: and then thanks to the Lasso Dance (and maybe a little bit of Dad becoming this famous soccer coach or whatever)

GUS: her channel (does tiktok have channels? whatever the term is)

GUS: becomes HUGELY popular

GUS: like she still films stuff with her friends etc

GUS: but the Dad stuff is the big ticket item

GUS: which she's so grossed out by but also: it's hilarious

Chapter Seven: In Which Children Of Divorce, Whoo Boy

GUS: also -- Mary Sue is ABSOLUTELY the kid who sides with Dad in a divorce

MARDIA: Oh yep

GUS: (Henry's too young but I think he sides with Michelle)

MARDIA: Especially because like. The reason that Michelle is right to leave

MARDIA: Is not something I feel like Mary Sue would get instinctively

GUS: oh absolutely

GUS: ... oh man

GUS: you know what I could do

GUS: is have Beard sit her down at some point

GUS: and be like "your Dad is hard to be married to"

GUS: "I should know, I've been his work wife for 20 years"

MARDIA: He’s not wrong!

GUS: HE IS NOT

MARDIA: And Mary Sue could hear it from him

GUS: exactly

MARDIA: where she can’t hear it from her mom, not that Michelle is even trying to justify it

GUS: because Beard is also The Mom

GUS: man what if when she was little

GUS: and she'd get mad at her parents for whatever

GUS: she'd run away from home

GUS: to Beard's house

GUS: two blocks away

GUS: like backpack full of her favorite stuffed animals and her blankie over her shoulder

GUS: "WE'RE LEAVING"

GUS: "PACK YOUR TENT"

GUS: Beard: ok lemme just make a reeeeeal quick phonecall

GUS: they actually did go camping

GUS: bc Beard lived right next to like, a park or whatever

GUS: so they'd pitch the tent about 100 feet away from his house and make a fire and toast marshmallows

GUS: and talk about whatever books she was reading

GUS: or just stare at the fire

GUS: and then she'd fall asleep and he'd bring her home

GUS: and Michelle and Ted were totally zen about it

Chapter Eight: In Which Mary Sue's Reaction To Characters Is Not Necessarily Our Reaction To Characters

GUS: so when she moves to the UK she still randomly shows up at Beard's

GUS: which causes some stress in Beard's relationship with Jane

GUS: or maybe they get along worryingly well IDK

MARDIA: I think Mary Sue would be like “who is this”

MARDIA: At first they get along

MARDIA: And then Mary Sue sees the crazy and is like NOPE

GUS: YES good

GUS: Mary Sue's like "you remember that ventriloquist girl? and the telemarketer who was into recreational caning? Yeah Jane is worse"

GUS: and Beard is like "woah that is an indictment" and breaks up with Jane

MARDIA: she’s not wrong!!!!

GUS: SHE IS NOT

MARDIA: And Ted is like “oh thank you sweetheart”

GUS: I feel like she'd dislike Keeley at first because teenage girls still have a weird puritanical streak

GUS: but Keeley would win her over

MARDIA: Oh yes

GUS: and I think she LIKES Rebecca but like... in the way you like your dad's boss

GUS: she knows that they're close but Rebecca seems really remote and inaccessible

MARDIA: oh for sure

MARDIA: Like, that’s her dad’s work person

GUS: which means she just becomes very Midwest Polite around Rebecca

GUS: and Rebecca is like SHE IS SO CHARMING

GUS: and ted is like yes... charming

GUS: not revealing that his daughter has become a pod person

MARDIA: AHAHAHAH

GUS: what if there's some sort of crisis

GUS: one of the players is in a car accident or something

GUS: and everybody rushes to the hospital

GUS: including Rebecca who's like, no makeup in her sweats with sneakers that squeak on the linoleum

GUS: and Mary Sue is like "oh she's a human being ok"

GUS: and promptly becomes as horrible to her as she is to everyone else

MARDIA: Rebecca is so BEWILDERED

GUS: "I don't know what I did wrong, Ted, she's acting so--"

GUS: "oh no, you did something right. and now you get the same patented Mary Sue Lasso Special that us folks she actually likes get on the regular"

MARDIA: Rebecca is both flattered and insulted 

GUS: Rebecca knows she really Made It, though, when Mary Sue runs away to her house one time

GUS: (because Beard is out of town or something)

GUS: and Rebecca is like "... I have an outdoor fire pit?"

GUS: "It's remote-controlled but I'm sure we can manage"

GUS: Mary Sue brings over her last bag of Jet Puffed Giant Marshmallows

GUS: I'm trying to think of how Trent and Mary Sue interact

GUS: She's DEFINITELY at the pub with her dad that time Trent's there and asks about the "food poisoning"

GUS: and she clocks that SOMETHING'S hinky

GUS: but assumes it's her dad's sublimated crush on trent

GUS: and is like "dad he was totally flirting with you"

GUS: which has the benefit of derailing Ted's concern about Trent figuring shit out

GUS: and also giving Ted a whole NEW thing to worry about

GUS: he makes some comment about how he's not gonna slip Trent a note asking if he likes him, check yes or no

GUS: and Mary Sue's like "oh my god you're so OLD"

MARDIA: okay I gotta detangle and wash my hair

MARDIA: KEEP GOING THO

GUS: haha don't try the wolf cut

Chapter Nine: In Which Gus Is Left By Herself, With Predictable Results

GUS: so it can start with Mary Sue getting off the plane in Heathrow

GUS: and Ted and Beard are waiting at the gate bc rebecca bought them fraudulent plane tickets so they could get through security

GUS: which, background to that is that Ted talked Rebecca's ear off about how anxious he was having her here for the first time, seeing as how she didn't come with Henry and Michelle that spring bc exams or whatever

GUS: but mostly Mary Sue's just like "oh my god you're so embarrassing"

GUS: so the first section would be mostly her like, starting college, dealing with her own culture shock etc

GUS: if you've got an idea of what she'd be majoring in/interested in lmk, I kind of want her to be completely separate from both Ted and Michelle

GUS: and Michelle I still headcanon as like an engineer of some kind

GUS: Maybe she's into music or something arts-related?

GUS: god what if she's an English major

GUS: Anyway so the season's already started, I assume? Whatever, timeline

GUS: eventually Mary Sue goes to the clubhouse and meets people

GUS: oh man what if Ted's taking her on a tour maybe like... post-ep 3, a few days after Sam has his moment speaking out against the Nigerian government

GUS: and Trent rolls up while Ted's mid-tour trying to get a question in

GUS: and Mary Sue's like "WHO'S THIS GUY"

GUS: like immediately rude to him

GUS: bc he reminds her of one of her professors who she hates

GUS: although she clocks immediately that Trent's not going to be putting any moves on undergraduates since he's so obviously got a crush on her dad

GUS: which she keeps to herself

GUS: (omg I'm absolutely working in a real-life thing that happened with my parents many years ago: we were all at this cute granola-type grocery store in Ann Arbor once and this twink just FELL IN LOVE with my dad, asking wistfully if he could help him with anything, and Dad just obliviously chatting with him about IDK, artisanal bread or whatever while Mom and I were dying trying not to laugh. I think of that poor boy often, I hope he's doing well and has found a silver fox of his very own)

GUS: anyway she makes a total conquest of Higgins who adores her

GUS: she super negs Jamie's eyebrow thing

GUS: goes to maybe a game or two but like... she doesn't care about soccer

GUS: and didn't care about football either

GUS: omg what if she's a THEATER MAJOR

GUS: god that would be even funnier

GUS: dreams of getting into RADA or something

GUS: lemme think - I think she goes home for Christmas, so that part for Ted is unchanged, and maybe Mary Sue has another fight with Michelle and stomps out of the house only to realize that she can't run away to Beard's house because he's back in the UK

GUS: and like she has some contemplation about her life and about the history of her own family

GUS: OMG WHAT IF SHE'S ONE OF THE EXTRAS AT THE MUSEUM THAT EDWIN HIRES

GUS: like she answers a craigslist ad or whatever

GUS: or some of her classmates tell her about it and they all go and get their $200 for the day

GUS: only she recognizes Sam and waves

GUS: and Sam is like "...????????"

GUS: in the middle of that whole scene

GUS: I'm trying to figure out when she'd meet Shannon

GUS: probably just like, around, since Shannon lives near Richmond Green too?

GUS: basically the same way Ted meets her

GUS: only Mary Sue's like "ugh another jock"

GUS: And Shannon's like "you're not a fan of jocks?" all smiles and Mary Sue is like "oh no"

GUS: what'll also be interesting is Mary Sue's relationship to alcohol

GUS: because like - she's aware of the family history

GUS: and of the right age/temperament to go full teetotaller

GUS: but also this would be the first place where she can legally drink

GUS: while ALSO knowing her dad likes to drink

GUS: and I can definitely see her also being like, well grandpa was an alcoholic sure but that didn't have anything to do with him killing himself

GUS: ...oh god

GUS: I just realized what the Big Fight would be between her and her dad

GUS: like she finds out about his panic attacks from the article

GUS: and immediately throws her grandpa's suicide in his face too, because he didn't tell her about THAT, either

GUS: she found out from a cousin, or something

GUS: and is like "do you have ANY IDEA how terrified I was, all last year, because you were the same age Grandpa was when he killed himself? I called you EVERY DAY, and if you didn't pick up I called Beard, and if he didn't pick up I called Katie at the front desk because she'd always know if you'd come in to work that day and I knew you wouldn't kill yourself at work, that'd be so unprofessional, right Dad?"

GUS: just so incredibly cruel the way daughters are

GUS: being like "you're so obsessed with this idea of nobody having to worry about you that you ignore us worrying about you ALL THE FUCKING TIME"

GUS: and this is the first time she's yelled at him in YEARS

GUS: and he suddenly realizes why - it's because she's convinced that he'll kill himself if anyone hurts him too badly

GUS: cue hugging and stuff

GUS: and him telling her about therapy and the panic attacks and everything else

GUS: he even tells her about Sassy

GUS: Mary Sue: ew, also I already knew about that

GUS: oh my god what if all this happens at Trent's place

GUS: because at first she was mad at him for writing the piece so she stomped off to HIS apartment

GUS: and he of course immediatley called Ted being like "your feral child is in my flat, please retrieve asap"

GUS: but when Ted shows up they have this big fight

GUS: while Trent is in the kitchen making tea and pretending not to hear a thing

GUS: because revealing the panic attack is one thing but this is another

GUS: and as they leave Mary Sue says she wants to apologize to Trent so she stays back for a second

GUS: and she apologizes sort of half-heartedly but also is like "look, you're gonna have to wait a couple months before asking him out now, okay? maybe at the beginning of next season"

GUS: and trent is like "pardon?"

GUS: and mary sue considers it and shrugs and is like "okay realistically he'll be over it by like tomorrow but we're going back to Kansas for the summer and long-distance relationships are hard for old people"

GUS: THE END

Epilogue: In Which Mardia Comes Back To... All That

MARDIA: I LOVE IT

GUS: I should just post this

GUS: so I don't have to write it

MARDIA: BOOOOOO

GUS: too late

MARDIA: sigh

MARDIA: At least we have chat fic

GUS: we'll always have chat fic