#I should take care of my physical health first but finding a doctor who won't insult you and refuse to treat you is hard

[dollsandmasks]

You know that moment where you have a crumb of free time and you could be writing, you could be finishing that fic, you could be catching up with your friends, you could take out your sketchbook and draw the most self-indulgent things, you could at least be reading or watching something interesting, but you happen to have a minor task that you don't want to do, your body is slightly uncomfortable from typical body things and your work has been a bit stressful today, so now you are in a restless scrolling more and opening the same three social media apps hoping that something will give you that hit and send your brain in motion and make you either work on tasks or do something fun.

Why am I procrastinating making a single phone call, and then doing fun things forever.

[fatuismooches]

Helloo Smooches!!

I had an idea about mixing in two ideas - childhood friend + fragile!reader with Pantalone (let's not let Dottore steal all the spotlight)

Basically, bc of living in poverty reader is very weak and Pantalone concludes you'll be dead any day soon. But despite everything Reader keeps pushing through and he's intrigued. Not only you somehow keep living, you're so nice and try to help others around you any way you can, including Pantalone. I think after becoming friends he advices you to care more about yourself, seeing your frail condition

At one point your condition becomes worse and you need medicine which is already expensive, but for you? You can only get it if you work 24/7, but you physically can't. However, miraculously, you get that medicine. After some time you learn that it was Pantalone who worked all day and night for you and reader can't thank him enough. You may learn he didn't eat for a few days and worked in ungodly conditions just to save you. Reader feels very guilty about all of this, but Pantalone reassures them that it's better than you dying. And it's so strange, even for Panta himself. Like, there are tons of kids who are in the same condition as you or even worse, then why he's so keen to save you?

The rest is history. You two become inseparable, helping each other get through life (no one of you mentions it, but Pantalone works harder and more than you, due to your illness).

When he becomes the Regrator, you're still together. But now he can properly take care of both of you, since you were damaged pretty badly by your childhood. But if Pantalone's immune system got very strong and he only really has bad eyesight, then you... It's not a pretty scene, but he can keep you in stable state thanks to all the expensive doctors, medicine and anything you need for your comfort. I also feel both of you get flashbacks and nightmares about past, so both of you are here to comfort each other

However, if you did die before seeing Regrator in all his glory... He's devastated. He makes sure your grave stays in top-notch condition. Pantalone is grateful for the time you were with him, when Reader became a little ray on sunshine in his dark life, but won't deny he wants you back. However, even endless wealth can't bring reader back. But at least now Pantalone knows for sure he won't lose anything close to him due to lack of mora ever again

-🥀, who went insane

DOTTORE STEALING THE SPOTLIGHT IS SOOO TRUE IM SO SORRY 😭😭💀 and UGHHH THIS IS FEEDING MY PANTALONE BRAINROT SO GOOD, 🥀 ANON ILY ❤️❤️❤️

Pantalone just not caring about you in the beginning is unfortunately true at first 😭 He is well aware that it is a dog-eat-dog world out there, especially in the environment where you two are. Everyone is out for themselves, no one will look out for each other lest they get stabbed in the back eventually. The young boy has seen more death and suffering than a child of his age should, and he thinks that soon, you will become one of them... but you don't. And despite your ailing condition you still find it in you to help others and the younger kids... he thinks you are simultaneously the strangest, kindest, and dumbest person he's ever met. How could you be so kind in a world like this? You've surely seen the same things he has... you should be putting yourself first, you're squandering what life and health you have left on random people!

He just doesn't understand... he doesn't seek to figure you out first, but you are the only kid his age around these parts, and you do always try to hang around him... so he relents. He becomes your friend. And he... comes to like you. To care for you. The boy has never felt that to someone else before. It makes him act different around you. To go to certain extents he would never dream of doing for anyone but himself. To get little trinkets for you, that really aren't worth anything at all, but he likes how they make you smile. To share bits of his meager rations with you, to which you always giggle and ask if you could feed him. It's strange, even stranger when he goes beyond that. Did your medicine deal a significant blow to his savings? Yes. Did he care? No. Seeing you smiling seemed to satisfy some hole in his chest that has been empty since birth. Pantalone can't help but want you to stay by his side. And you do too.

Ugh yes he would treat you higher than royalty like you deserve after how much you suffered with him for all of those years. I imagine he would be so overprotective and concerned for you, if you had even the most minor health scare he would be more worried than YOU. Regardless you bet he will fulfill every single wish you had since childhood, nothing is off the table, Pantalone WILL make it happy. Yup I imagine Pantalone sometimes has nightmares about losing everything he built his way up to and going back to the poor boy alone on the streets... and you have your own trauma from your condition so just :( lots of nighttime cuddles and soft back rubs

🥀 ANON YOU JUST HAD TO END IT WITH ANGST... To say he would be crushed is an understatement. Part of his motivation and reason to ascend to the top was to be able to give you the life you deserve - a comforting, peaceful, and rich one. But you were gone... he was so, so close to saving you. He still loves you so much. And although he has the Mora to never lose anything close to him again... will there really be anything like that for him ever again after he lost you?

[only-mostlydead]

Hello. Today is my 30th birthday, and I am in bed recovering from surgery. To entertain myself, I wrote up a list of 30 things I'm glad I learned before I turned 30, and now I'm sharing it with you. Take what resonates, leave what doesn't.

30 Things I'm Glad I Learned Before I Turned 30

You can decline to be weighed at the doctor's office. Seriously. Unless they're dosing meds or need to report it to your insurance for something, you can say no thanks. And if they have to weigh you, you can request that they don't tell you the number.

Fed is better than not fed. There are days when my stomach won't tolerate anything except cheese puffs, so I eat the damn cheese puffs, without judgment. Feed yourself the best you can, and know that this will look different every day

Eventually, people will always tell you who they really are. Believe them the first time (this one comes from my mom).

Not living up to family expectations is very often a good thing. Your life needs to make you happy. You are your own person with no obligation to be what they want you to be.

Having a creative hobby that you're not "good" at is important. For me, it's watercolors. I do them because they bring me joy, not because I'm trying to be good at them. That's not to say that I don't love what I paint - I do. But there's no pressure for it to be anything other than fun.

Your job doesn't have to be fulfilling - it can just be a fundraiser for the things in your life that do bring you fulfillment.

Mental health is every bit as important as physical health. Don't neglect either.

When you have nothing to be sorry for, say thank you instead. Thank you for listening instead of sorry I bothered you, thank you for helping me instead of sorry I needed help. I'm not always good at this one.

Throw away the clothing with holes. You deserve clothing that doesn't have holes.

Your clothes are meant to fit you, not the other way around. Your body is the thing that carries you through your life. Clothes that don't fit are just scraps of fabric who aren't meeting their performance goals.

Everything is figure out-able. This one also comes from my mom.

Laziness doesn't really exist; it's almost always a response to something else (burnout, low self-esteem, etc).

Being your most authentic self is scary. It's also 100% worth it. Life has gotten better every time I've been even a tiny bit more myself.

There is no timetable for when you should hit certain milestones. You are not behind. You are on your own time.

Femininity means whatever I want it to mean, not what society tells me it means. Everything I do is feminine because I say it is, and no one can tell me otherwise.

Your job doesn't care about you. If you disappeared from the face of the earth, they would replace you immediately. You should bring them the same energy. You're the only one who will look out for you.

Use your PTO. Every damn second of it. When I started my current job, I was told that no one used all of their time off. I do. Every year.

Dieting literally does not work. Scientifically. Reading up on the Minnesota Starvation Experiment, Famine Response, and why BMI is literally sexist, racist bullshit changed my life.

Doctors might be experts in their respective fields, but they are not experts in what it's like to live in your body. Whenever possible, find one who makes you an active participant in your care plan.

Wear whatever the hell you want. Life is too short to worry what other people will think.

Live theatre, good meals, and beautiful tattoos are always worth the money.

Anger isn't inherently bad. Most of the time, it's your signal that something is wrong. This is the most impactful thing my therapist ever taught me as an ex-vangelical who grew up hearing that anger was a sin.

Don't put down the things that bring others joy. If they're not hurting you, themself, or anyone else, why waste your energy?

You cannot miss out on the things that are meant for you. If you miss it, it wasn't meant for you, and you should probably be grateful you missed it.

If I'm too much, go find less.

You are always responsible for your actions. Diagnoses, negative life experiences, and the like might explain bad behavior, but it doesn't excuse it. You are responsible for you.

Your feelings are always valid, but they are not always correct.

Go outside. Every day if you can. Even if it's for 30 seconds. Go get some fresh air on your face and look at a tree. If you can't make it outside, open a window, even just for a minute. Your brain will thank you.

You can leave. Hate the fitness class? Leave. Party too loud? Leave. Doctor not listening? L e a v e. As the famous tumblr post goes, if it sucks, hit da bricks!

You need nothing days. Days where you intentionally do absolutely nothing and feel zero guilt for that. Sit in bed, binge a Netflix show, eat some snacks, and don't think about all the things you're not doing. Let yourself rest, dammit.

[nutravibes]

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[prof-peach]

Hello there.. My name is Ranny and I saw Pokemon matchups are open.

I read somewhere among your posts that Ghost types could be good for little exposure to the outside? I could be mistaken, but I'll leave it to the expert.

I feel I'm quite.. difficult.. to matchup with and I can't think of something myself, I don't want to hinder any Pokemon's growth with my circumstances.. which I should probably explain? I guess I don't need to go into too much detail but I have a lot of anxiety and depression, social anxieties and ptsd (very reactive to things moving too fast above me). I have fluctuating agoraphobia also, when at a severe level being too close to windows and doors will trigger panic attacks.. I have mobility issues down to Fibromyalgia, communication and management difficulties due to Autism, and I have a hard time concentrating or get lost in hyperfocussing down to ADHD..

I'm very introverted, an INFJ personality, but I do get lonely, very lonely. My depression pretty much has me feeling low more often than not but also pretty hopeless in finding a Pokemon friend, partner, companion, or anything that won't ultimately become hindered by my existence..

Any shred of hope I have of finding someone, even if just the right direction toward one, has been poured into this.. But ultimately, please don't feel too bad if you can't think of any or don't have any available.

I have seen many specialists for my mental and physical health too, it's a painfully slow process, I just thought some company might help the journey perhaps..

Fingers crossed, huh?

Many kind regards, Ranny

The right thing you did here was explain. I’m able to give you a far more accurate suggestion because of that, so thank you for being honest about what you need a Pokemon for, aside from good company.

You’re not wrong, finding a Pokemon must have been hard for you, no one individual Pokemon could cover all the bases. That being said, a group of three low impact species could indeed help you here.

Because your situation is so specific, there’s a little less wiggle room on what you could get away with keeping, but for sure you have some choices.

So first off, emotional help, shuppet. A Pokemon happy to be indoors, often willing to help those who show them love. They’ll help regulate the moods, keep you calmer, happier, and overall more freed up to handle other things. The feelings of anxiety and depression are exhausting, You know that, but without that constant background noise of it all, you’ll have a lot more energy and opportunity to enjoy more things. In serious cases, even two shuppet would help, so talk to your doctor and also the pokecentres near you about this. This of course can be done over the phone or online, if it suits you better. Shuppet are underrated, and have high populations in the wild, I don’t know why folks overlook them, perhaps the dex entries around the species spook them. Either way, can’t suggest better than them.

Second up, indoor happy psychic types. The psychic lines are adept at aiding day to day, if you hurt and can’t reach something, or you feel tired and can’t get up to deal with going to the bathroom or something, they’re more than capable of using telekinetic powers to assist your movements, even in the bad days. Some are fully able to learn how to help regulate moods too, predicting panic attacks for their trainers, using various methods to help you before things get too stressful, or even dangerous. They also regulate brain waves, so your autism may feel a little easier to manage the longer you spend with a psychic partner. It’s proven most psychic types will do this automatically, to aid their human family day to day.

My top psychic pokemon picks for you:

solosis - a Pokemon that can and does exist in the vacuum of space, they don’t require food like average Pokemon, and have a very upbeat outlook on things more often than not, thrive indoors, so long as they get enrichment and company.

Espurr - correctly trained these Pokemon can also double up as a really good buddy for those who feel calmer when petting or brushing fur. They can be great loving companions, but also are notoriously happy entertaining themselves should you be busy, and find the life of an indoor Pokemon quite agreeable sometimes.

If I was in your position, and I felt like I could afford and handle three, I would get all three Pokemon I suggested. This gives them days off, time to relax, and breaks from the duties of a support Pokemon. Everything needs time out, so having a care rotor will allow them to plan for time out, to do things they enjoy too.

You’ll have to take this list to your local adoption centre, or even lab/professor, and they will help to put you on a waiting list for the correct species you decide upon in the end. You can’t just go and catch one from the wild in this case, these Pokemon all need very intense and specific lessons to help them be the best aids to you. The facility that eventually helps you find a set of partners will then try to match your personality to those of the support Pokemon then have ready to be rehomed. Get ready for a few visits to the facilities, to meet potential matches, but it’s well worth it. The company and love Pokemon give us is proven to aid in mood, and wellbeing. I think it’d really do you well to take at least a shuppet on.

Be aware, when possible it’s still nice for these Pokemon to go outside, even if you don’t. If you have access to a yard, or a shared garden, try to let them have time in the sun when possible if they are interested. Socialising them is also advised, even if only with friends and family’s Pokemon, send them with trusted individuals to the shops, just to take a break from the house, you know, normal junk like that.

The facility that will eventually assign you a partner will make sure to pick individuals who suit your lifestyle as best as possible, so you shouldn’t end up with a partner who isn’t ok with the conditions you’ve set out.

Do not lose hope, there’s a combo out there for everyone, and I think this set is a good one for you from what you’ve told me. Hopefully you can move forward and make some neat friends!

[natashacoco]

Uhm I fucked up and need to tell someone I feel won't judge me for it and you've given some great advice so I'm sorry but here we go. I work at a hospital. A few months ago, I started talking to one of the doctors who was often on shift with me. He's handsome, so kind, polite. I was major crushing. We don't work together directly so I thought the flirting was fine and if it led to something great. We went out a few times before Rona hit. But we're both frontline workers so even after all this

we were still seeing each other often, just on breaks at work. There of course was mega physical attraction and eventually one thing led to another and we got physical a few times. Everything was fine and well. Nothing serious just flirting, breaks together and then every so often we'd smash. I felt really good about things - this great man who is intelligent and attractive and kind a fantastic doctor according to all his patients is into me! But then reality smacked me in the face this past week. This man HAS A WIFE. She is also a doctor. She's STUNNING, so smart and seems really sweet. And they have TWO kids together! Adorable little boys. I had no idea - he never wore a ring or talked about his family. But then I saw his last name as doctor on rounds but it was her on shift and not him... I of course have avoided him and I figure he knows but OH MY GOD. I feel so, so terrible and stupid and naive and just - I don't know what to do? I feel like she should know but also I'm the one who slept with her husband? And I just believed that someone like him existed and happened to be into me. Like so stupid but oh my God I don't even know how I can go back into work and continue having to maybe run into either of them in the hallways? I have never felt this way and have always been against cheating and now I am someone who was part of cheating. I don't know what to do.

First off anon, I just want to thank you so much for all that you’re doing during this hard time. I may not know you personally, but i want you to know that you’re going to be in my thoughts and prayers. My door is always open for you nonnie, no judgement. I’m always willing to be an open ear for those who need it.

Now on to the doctor, FUCK HIM AND HIS CHEATING ASS SELF! You deserve somebody so much better than him, his wife too!

Booskie, I am so sorry that this happened to you. I understand the guilt of all this is eating you up, and I’m sorry that you’re going through something like this. First things first, I would HIGHLY suggest you getting yourself tested for any STD/STI, the full works, I don’t care if you guys used protection, etc. he promised it was just you (obviously he a cheating ass manwhore, and Maury/the lie detector determined that was a lie), you should get tested. If he was stepping out on his wife with you (and no shame, shade, etc.). then who knows how many others there could possibly be? This isn’t to scare you, this is me wanting to make sure that you take your health into your hands and nothing about scaring or stigmatizing you in any way (or anybody else for that matter. Getting regularly tested for an STD/STI is perfectly okay and we should always try to practice safe sex). I just want to make sure that you’re taken care of because obviously Dr. Fuckboi isn’t considerate except when it comes to getting his dick wet. 

I want you to know that he’s a married man who deliberately decided to break HIS marriage vows to HIS WIFE and potentially the lives they’ve built with THEIR CHILDREN. I would personally go and speak to his wife, face to face is always better, no matter how scary it is. It’s better for her to hear it coming from you, rather than a third party who doesn’t know the situation and their own biased perception of things. I would suggest maybe something off site (work drama/gossip can be worse than the situation itself). If that way won’t work, maybe potentially leaving something in her personal work inbox that allows her to know that you guys need to speak privately? It’s kinda hard to do this considering that this is happening in a work environment. Again, maybe not ideal, but still a way for her to know that it’s something serious. You’re coming to her about something very serious, nothing in a malicious intent, you honestly and sincerely has no idea that he was married. I hate that he’s turned you into the other person. Nobody EVER wants to be made to feel that way, and it’s a shitty feeling. He should NEVER have placed you in this kind of mental, physical, or emotional situation. He knew what he was doing and he’s the one who led you on and that isn’t okay at all. 

You’re not terrible, stupid or naive at all anon. Why wouldn’t a smart, attractive, intelligent, seemingly great, all around guy be interested in you? You’re amazing! I don’t know you personally, but guess what? you are! You’re going to find a man who is going to adore you, want nothing but the best for you mentally, physically, spiritually, and treat you the way that you should be treated in all aspects of life. I’m going to put that into the universe and manifest that for you starting now, because that’s just the tip of the iceberg of things that you deserve anon. 

In conclusion, Fuck them cheating ass men who ain’t shit!

P.S. If you ever want to speak off anon, you’re more than welcome to or not, it’s totally up to you, again, my inbox is always open. Wishing you all the best! xoxo.

[igotmysteriousmessages]

Hello ^^ So my hesdcanon request is about RFA reacting to MC who is overweight and hates her body so much that she even avoids looking at herself and sometimes pushes people away just to make sure they won't touch her because she feels gross about what she looks like. And sometimes she feels so bad about it that she refuses to eat anything. Thank you!

God this hits close home! I deeply hope you don’t feel like that because it’s an awful feeling and it takes so much work to make peace with yourself about it…I’m sending you a bunch of positive energy in case you feel like that and to any other person that might be reading this too.(Does that make sense in english? I hope it does…I’m not sure that expression has english equivalent)

 by the way I wrote this from the point of view of an overweight MC in which she is actually on an unhealthy weight and not just chubby so sorry if I misinterpretated it… also a lot of these are really similar because I really think all RFA members would want their MC to feel good with themselves because they love you very much.

I’m quite nervous about this particular headcanon, to be honest I feel I didn’t represent how it really feels to be disgusted at your own body but I really hope you like it anyways and thanks for requesting! ^^

RFA with an overwieght MC that feels bad about her body

Yoosung

He is sosweet loving and caring! It is almost impossible to not feel good aboutyourself when your cute boyfriend is always showering you in affection.

Except youdo…. I mean, yes, love is good and he helps your self-esteem a lot but not eventhat can’t erase the deeply rooted self-deprecating thoughts that comeassociated with your weight.

Longopen-hearted talks. He always has time and patience to try to understand yourfeelings and does his best to help you feel better about yourself.

If you can’tstand looking at yourself in the mirror he’d cover every reflective surface inthe house so you don’t have to… he’d be a little disappointed that it doesn’thelp but he has good intentions!

If you tellhim you don’t feel comfortable with cuddles or any other form of affection he’dretreat from it till you feel better; he totally gets you may need some spacesome days and all he wants is doing the best for you.

He won’tlet you get away with no eating thought….or any other harmful way of losing weight.If he finds you skipping meals he’d convince you to eat even if he has to arguewith you for hours; which he hates.

He is okwith you dieting thought… actually he is the kind of guy to join you on it andgiving up junk food himself to avoid tempting you.

Not a fanof exercising but for you he’d try.

Let’s behonest, there is nothing this boy wouldn’t do for your wellbeing.

Zen

You knowthat part in Harry Potter when Mrs Weasley suggests that Fleur may want to callout the wedding since Bill got scared by a werewolf and Fleur answers “I am good-lookingenough for both of us”? Yeah, that’s Zen.

I mean, thefirst time he saw you he probably was a little taken aback. Mostly because heis used to be surrounded only by skinny and gorgeous women so as he chats withyou and starts falling for you his imagination supplies him with an imagethat’s not very accurate.

But afterthe initial shock he pulls himself together. You are still the amazing girl hemet on the chatroom, he loves you unconditionally and he wouldn’t want you tobe any different.

Also heoverdoes himself trying to make up for his initial reaction because he knowshow is like to be judged by his looks; he always complains about how peopleignore all his hard work and treat him as “just a pretty face” so he’d neverwant you to be treated like a “fat girl” no, you are his beloved princess andnothing else. Really, He’d pamper you so much!!

Afterrevealing your relationship to the world  if anyone has anything to say about yourlooks he is ready to fight them, he doesn’t care if they are his fans, reportersor his colleagues…nobody messes with his girlfriend.

He’d nevereven think of asking you to lose weight but if you feel uncomfortable about itand you decide to do so he’d try to help.

He actuallywould be really excited if you wanted to jog with him. You’d probably have toask him not to upload all the photos he’d take… he can’t help it, he loves spendingtime with you.

When it comesto eating habits you both could benefit from a healthier diet (Sorry Zen, beeris not dinner)  but it’s going to be alittle more difficult since neither of you are completely sure how to do it.

Jaehee

One of theperks of having a girlfriend is that she understands how you feel; you don’teven have to tell her…she just know.

She alwaystries to tell you how pretty you are and when you are feeling bad about yourbody she does her best to distract you from the subject or keeping you busy soyou don’t have time to feel insecure.

She isworried about your health thought but she doesn’t want to bring it up becauseyou might think she is urging you to lose weight and there is nothing worse foran overweight person than having the people they love to tell them they should loseweight like it was an easy task.

She’d probablytake a less direct approach, maybe not convincing you to lose weight but to dosome exercise… her own figure didn’t come from seating at an office 23 hours aday, that’s for sure. Maybe it’ll help you feel better about yourself too.

So shesuggests it would be fun to some activities together like trekking, judo, yoga,maybe even climbing. If it’s the two of you it is sure to be fun and less exhausting….Also you both need the exercise since the café while giving you a lot of workdoesn’t provide much physical activity.

If you dowant to lose weight because you think you’d feel better about yourself then she’dalso try to help with your diet; she’d do her research and plan healthy mealsalong with making sure you eat a the right times. She’d also like to develop alight sweet line both for the café and your personal enjoyment.

Jumin

He doesn’tcare about looks at all… if something he is a little relived that you don’tlook like all those women that are always throwing themselves to him.

But he doescare about your health. He can’t bear the idea of you developing some illnessbecause of your weight; so he convinces you to see his doctor for a checkup.The doctor of course says the same you already knew. You are pretty muchhealthy but your weight it’s a risk factor for the future. You’ve been toldthis already; the only reason to go through that was calming Jumin.

Afterwardsyou have an honest talk about it and he is pretty clear in his stance. He isworried about what may happen to you but he won’t force you to do any change toyourself or your lifestyle… if you want to lose weight he is there to help, ifyou don’t he is still completely and unconditionally in love with you

When itcomes to your insecurities it is a little more complicated. He just doesn’tunderstand it… You are literally the only women he had ever felt attracted to…you are the most gorgeous woman in this world… how is it even possible that youdon’t know that?

He hasnever been the type to compliment other people but you are the exception. Hemakes sure to always remind you how beautiful he thinks you are in hopes youstart seeing yourself in the same light.

In hisusual fashion he’d also get you clothes that compliment your figure and makeyou feel as beautiful as he sees you everyday.

Saeyoung

In allhonesty; He couldn’t care less for your looks. Sure, he knows you areoverweight (he probably checked your medical record when he did the backgroundcheck so he knows more even than you are willing to share with him) yet in hiseyes you are nothing but cute and beautiful and perfect.

It didn’teven cross his mind that you might be insecure about your aspect.

Unless nottill the fateful day in which he suggested to take a trip to the beach. He wasso excited since it would be the first time he and his brother would see thesea… but you don’t want to go.

Why? Youwon’t tell…and this is when this poor baby loses it.

His brainis permanently set in “it’s my fault” mode so he figures out he did somethingto upset you but he can’t pinpoint what.

He has 2missions now, discovering what he did wrong and make up to you for that.

He ordersyour favorite food for dinner but you excuse yourself saying you are nothungry.

He triescuddling but you refuse his touch

He finallyresorts to be direct “MC, I’m not sure what did I do wrong but I’m really sorryfor upsetting you”

You shylyexplain him how you feel and he makes it his ultimate goal to make you feelgood with yourself.

You can nolonger refuse his affection because knowing the reason you are pushing him awayonly makes him want to hold you even tighter.

Same asYoosung he is infinitely caring and supportive of whatever decision you takeregarding your body as long as you do it in a healthy way. Your wellbeing (bothphysical and psychological) is his upmost priority and he’d do anything in hishands to keep you happy and well.

Jihyun

You bothwork through your insecurities together.

During hisroute he mentions he is not very comfortable with his body either so he knowshow you feel and sincerely wishes you shouldn’t have to go through it but healso knows he can’t just take the weight off your shoulders… this is somethingyou need to do for yourself.

Does thismean that you are alone in this? Of course not! You have the most patientcaring and supportive boyfriend in this world… you wouldn’t be alone at it evenif you wanted.

He isn’tgood with words but the days you feel disgusted at yourself he’d listen as youexpress your emotions and then he’d hug you reassuringly.

As cheesyas it sounds he most definitely paints you a portrait in which you can seeyourself from his perspective; because even if you dislike yourself, for himyou are absolutely perfect.

When hefinds it is not just about self-image but health he starts encouraging you toseek professional help to lose weight, He knows that if you don’t want to do itthere is nothing he can do but he can’t just stay quiet knowing it may end upcausing you harm.

This won’tstop him in trying to get you feel good with your body thought; you helped himso much to live himself and he is more than ready to do the same for you.

Saeran

He justdoesn’t get it… why would you feel bad about your body? You are absolutelyperfect just the way you are

The onlything about your weight that actually bothers him is when you refuse to eat.

After awhole life being denied if food he puts a great value in every meal… thereforewhen you tell him you don’t want to have lunch that day? He is utterly worried…You try to calm him telling that there are some days in which you feel fat anddisgusted with yourself… well, it is worst… he doesn’t want to hear anythingabout it being only temporal and that you’ll be fine next day… he wants you tobe fine always.

Also, hehas been apart from the rest of society for most of his life so he doesn’tunderstand why would you like to be skinny… he hates being like that… the factthat you aren’t means you hadn’t experience the abuse and hunger he did… itshould be something good. It takes him a while to grasp the concept that skinnyand beautiful are often used as synonyms.

He stillcan’t accept it thought… he has never seen someone as beautiful as you and heis not changing his mind.

When youdon’t want to eat he’d try to negotiate with you “Just eat a little bit MC, Iswear its healthy food”

He is allabout letting you take your own decisions so as long as you don’t hurt yourselfhe’d be hella supportive of what you decide to do about your weight.

If youdon’t want to lose weight he’d pamper you to no end so you don’t feel bad aboutyourself

If you wantto then he’ll help in any way he can: He’d cook tasty low-carb meals for you,he’d exercise with you and if you feel like giving up he’d encourage you “Comeon MC! I know you can do this!”

[nemesis-nexus]

Full Flower Moon 2019

HAIL NINHURSAG, Great Mother Earth,Grand Creatrix and Healer! HAIL ENKI, Lord of the Sweet Waters, Wise Father and Protector! You who know best in ALL situations, hear us! We know that life is a journey, not a destination and that journey can take us literally anywhere mentally, physically and/or emotionally. As we go through childhood we learn from all kinds of sources; our parents, our friends, our teachers and even clergy. Many of the things we were exposed to were supposed to build character, but some things were also destructive and intended to erode us mentally and emotionally until there was nothing left! We experienced several happy gains and we also experienced heartbreaking losses. All of these things were meant to steel our nerves and strengthen our resolve to move forward no matter what!

The struggles faced as teenagers, often dismissed by adults which is why many teens stop talking to adults to begin with, were very real to us no matter how trivial they may have seemed to them or anyone else. These issues often included things like arguments with friends, not getting asked to the dance, not getting along with a teacher among other things. Failing to understand that these things, while not usually life-threatening, can be very emotionally charged and therefore can build or erode trust and the ability to open up, leads to a teen feeling there is no point in talking about things that are much more serious because who’s going to actually take the time to listen to them anyway ESPECIALLY if they have a hard time articulating their thoughts in the first place?

While they may be young these days teenagers are also coping with a variety of problems including relationship issues such as physical and emotional abuse, sexual assault and even rape in some cases. Drug and alcohol addiction to deal with abuse of all types at home, bullying and other forms of social and peer pressure or to self-medicate in an attempt to mask mental illness issues such as PTSD, Anxiety, Depression and more serious ailments including Schizophrenia, Bi-Polar Disorder and even Body Dysmorphia so as to avoid being labelled “crazy” or “unstable” should they seek help.

It's easy enough to spot a whiner because they can't ever STOP telling anyone and everyone who will listen about their problems, however, someone who is actually dealing with a serious issue such as Suicidal Depression or coming to terms with their sexuality are MUCH more likely to NEVER open up due to fear of being judged and stigmatized, instead they will act like everything is OK so as not to inconvenience anyone else.

This often ends badly which is why it is necessary for society to evolve and cast aside the negative stereotypes regarding drug and alcohol use, mental illness, sexual preference and lifestyle choices, especially with teens because more often than not it is the SILENCE that kills them, not the drugs and alcohol or the mental illness in and of itself! Father we ask you to embrace all those who are fighting for their own survival and to hold on ESPECIALLY tight to those who are battling the enemies inside their own spirits that no one else can see!

If we are lucky enough to make it to adulthood, that's when the fun REALLY begins. We get to know who our friends actually are per those who choose to keep in touch with us after graduating high school or if we make even the slightest lifestyle change such as coming out or choosing to party less.

In many cases people drift apart and that's alright too as those who are meant to stay in our lives will find a way to be a part of them or if they wander, will eventually wander back. Those that aren't, won't and that's all there is to it! We must always remember to NEVER make ANYONE a priority in our lives if we are not even an OPTION in theirs!

Also in adulthood we experience much more devastating losses such as foreclosure on a home, loss of a parent (equally devastating for a child), loss of a child and/or loss of a spouse. These things can greatly change a person's outlook on life if they don't have the mental or psychological strength to cope or at the very least a person or people to help them deal with the loss. Father we ask that you be with all those who are going through the motions of grief and loss, help them to push on through and emerge stronger in Heart knowing that their loved ones will always be there and in Spirit knowing that YOU will always be there and as such we shall never face anything alone! AVE DRACONIS!

As we transition from our teenage years to adulthood we gain more technical freedoms such as the ability to obtain a driver's license, smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol and also to enlist in the military. When I think about the ages of those who are able to legally do any of the above, it makes me wonder who determined the logic behind them! I mean you can get your license at 16 but you can't smoke until you're 18; you can't drink alcohol until you're 21, but you can enlist in any branch of the military at 18. So you can operate a potentially dangerous machine at 16, you can smoke cigarettes and go to WAR at 18, yet you can't drink until you're 21? It seems to me that any ONE of these things has the potential to be fatal so why not just regulate ALL of them to 18 when one is a LEGAL ADULT, it makes more sense to me!

Yet another part of life is trying to see it through other people’s eyes. When I think about all the children born with horrific diseases such as cancer, HIV and those born with severe mental and/or physical disabilities, I am reminded to always be grateful for my own health no matter what issues I may have because to see a child at 7 who is fighting for their life not only not give up but have such a positive outlook on life no matter how dire THEIR circumstances may be makes one realize that our attitude towards any situation can be what makes or breaks us and that we too need to keep moving forward with everything we have no matter how difficult!

When I think of all the soldiers past and present, who were willing to sacrifice it all for people they will never meet, it reminds me that sometimes in life it is not only necessary, it can be VITAL to put others ahead of ourselves even if it means that life as we knew it may change forever! When people think about the military, more often than not they ONLY think about Washington and scandals such as Abu Grahib, they very seldom think of those soldiers on the front lines who enlisted NOT for the glory, the notoriety, the medals or commendations, but because they cared more about those they left behind than they hate those who they went to fight against!

These soldiers more likely to suffer from PTSD, Depression and Suicidal Thoughts because of what they have seen including their friends and in some cases their FAMILY getting killed in front of them, things they may have had to do to survive and things they may have to do because they were ordered to even if the one handing it down ALSO knew it was the wrong move. In many cases when they return stateside, they face foreclosure on their homes, ridiculous wait times to be seen by a doctor, even being abandoned by their own family because their stress and anxiety issues became too much for them to handle. Suicide among Veterans should NOT exist or should be minimal, they should NEVER feel that they have nowhere to turn ESPECIALLY when it comes to their mental health! That the government has allowed the VA to languish to the point that some Vets have given up completely is UNACCEPTABLE!

Mother, Father we ask that you guide all those who fought bravely in a war zone and made the ultimate sacrifice as well as all those who physically came home but whose Spirits were so ravaged that they couldn’t deal with it across the Great Divide to sit and feast at your table side by side with all the Warriors who came before! Let those who died in war be free of any confusion, anger and denial regarding their crossing and those who lost the battle in their own Spirits of any guilt that may have followed them back home and let them once again know peace! AVÉ NINHURSAG! AVE ENKI!

Now is the time of the Full Flower Moon when the last frosts are melting away and all the beauty of Nature really begins to burst forth in the form of wildflowers and lush greenery! Trees are near full blossom, animals rouse from hibernation and begin to seek out their mates and the hustle and bustle of the Natural World resumes activity at full throttle! It is during this time that we also need to pay attention to not only the Earth but the Sky as well! One of several reasons why the Human Race has devolved in many ways is because we got complacent! We used to look to the Stars and dream about life beyond them, now we can barely sustain our own ecosystem! We used to be industrious and create ways to protect necessities such as our water supply and our soil from being destroyed, now we are all too willing to dump toxic waste, coal mining and medical debris directly into the rivers and tear Mother Earth’s flesh apart with drills which have created a rise in seismic activity and compounding this by sending sonic blasts to locate oil deposits in the water that are known to kill and maim marine life!

Now more than ever we ALL need to wake up and realize that for all the fighting and squabbling over such petty issues such as religious differences and financial status, what are we really accomplishing besides expediting our own deaths Physical, Spiritual and otherwise? NOTHING. THAT IS WHAT. Let’s for the sake of argument say that everyone respected each other regardless of religion, sexual identity/preference, ethnicity, race or physical appearance - THAT ALONE would save MILLIONS of people from being cast out by their families, tortured by their government or marked for social persecution by any religious sect!

As for money, humans place so much value on IT instead of EACH OTHER that they allow themselves to be blinded by it! They oftentimes also use it as an excuse to treat others as though they were beneath them as well as demand preferential treatment, but what would happen if all that money were to disappear as though it were never there in the first place and they, unable to prove who they are because their entire fiduciary Identity were erased, were forced to live as those they mistreated?

People seem to forget that in this age of reliance on technology and with cyber crimes such as Hacking and Identity Theft becoming more and more common, a situation like that is VERY possible thus they need to step back and take a moment to understand that it is not and should not be the amount of paper or coin one possesses that make should make them worthy of being treated like a human being but the fact that they ARE a human being no matter what their socioeconomic status is and what they do to pay their bills!

Glorious Dragons who oversee All, the world is in need of a serious Spiritual Healing! It is beyond imperative that humans learn to balance technology with Nature as the two were never meant to be mutually exclusive, in fact the reason we have the intellect we do is so we can use it to utilize technology for the protection not only of Natural Resources but OURSELVES as well yet we have allowed our own egos, self importance and greed to overpower our better sense and the results of that corruption is all around us!!!

Two years ago I had the opportunity to travel to Europe and I’m glad I did! One thing I noticed as I walked around Amsterdam, Holland and even as I sat looking out my hotel room in Mönchengladbach, Germany I can’t help but notice is the differences in the landscape, the verdant green of the trees and grass that are not ornamental but were never disturbed even as the cities grew around them and the quality of such things as a simple meal!

I had some of the most delicious scrambled eggs I EVER tasted in Hoofddorp, Holland and what was it that made them better? Superior chickens? No. The fact that they’ve never been on antibiotics to fatten them up faster and they’ve never been factory farmed? Absolutely! The water is crisp and clean, even from the tap! It’s disheartening to know that our government allows our soil and water to be compromised and claims that it’s in the interest of JOBS and MONEY as though EITHER is going to matter if we are all DEAD due to the chemicals that are poisoning both!

I think one of the reasons that people are so willing to let the government get away with so much is because it is easier for people to rant, rail and blame the government for the state of the country rather than take responsibility for their own actions, from electing the officials to office to the policies they make that we do nothing to stop because we are too busy being blinded by empty promises and official stories to accept reality! The reality being that the government doesn’t give a damn about the people and most governments never will! In fact it is my contention that 75 - 90% of politicians who run only do so to have power over the people, not to help the people in any way, shape or form!

I think the other reason is because we have become so Spiritually disconnected that we allow things to happen here because we have been convinced that things will be better on the “other side” the problem with this is that in order to GET to the “other side” we have to DIE first so where does that leave us HERE while we are ALIVE? Better question, where does it leave our CHILDREN and our CHILDRENS children? We need to stop acting as though we are the only generation that matters and start looking towards the future generations and realize that the Native saying “We do NOT inherit the Earth from our ANCESTORS, we BORROW it from our CHILDREN” is true because what the future generations will end up with will be determined by what we leave them!

We are not here to trudge through life under someone else’s heel until the Reaper claims us; we are here to live our lives on Earth while keeping our eyes to the Sky and our hearts untethered and boundless across the Astral Plane! We are here to grow and evolve with the Natural Order of things, not to remain stagnant, stationary and unmoving! When we disconnect from the Universal Qi or Energy that connects ALL life, the effects are drastically clear, we are unable to relate to ourselves nevermind anyone else. It is this disconnection from our own Humanity that leads to ignorance, fear, hate, violence, war, rape, abuse of substances as well as ourselves and loved ones and can even cause nations to go war with each other! When we lose sight of what is really important in life, we lose sight of everything and that puts us and anyone who relies on us for guidance on a path of destruction that the higher up the political or social ladder a person is, the more potential that person has to create a situation that ends in mass casualties!

Mother, Father, we ask you to draw your swords and strike down all those who callously disregard their Natural Duty as a HUMAN BEING to safeguard our environment so that we don’t end up KILLING the very thing that is KEEPING US ALIVE!

We ask you to rein down Justice upon those who would KILL in the name of shameless GREED, who would LIE, CHEAT AND STEAL from those who barely have anything as it is just to fill their own pockets!

We ask you to raise your shields to protect those who are powerless against their abusers, to protect the most vulnerable amongst us from be taken advantage of or harmed in any way be they human, animal or part of the flora and fauna! !

To cover those who are still fighting with honor and courage on the front lines so that they may come home alive and guide those who lost their lives across the Great Divide so they may take their rightful place by your sides!

To shelter those who physically came home from their deployment, but are STILL fighting the war in their heads! Help them find their way back to themselves through you so that they may continue to live as a whole person!

We ask you to Enlighten the so called powers that be as to who the true power is on Earth and that would be THE PEOPLE! On the same token REMIND the People who REALLY has the power and that would NOT be the officials who NEEDED them to be elected to their offices in the first place! We ask that you continue to keep the watch over us as we continue to rise up and push back against those who would dehumanize any of us for the sake of selfish gain especially those who would destroy the ecosystem in pursuit of it!

Mostly we simply ask that like you always keep the watch over us, help us to help ourselves as we continue to grow and evolve! Be with us as we find our way and aid others in finding theirs! Help us find the Door, but make us Walk through it alone so that we may become stronger and able to learn all lessons no matter how harsh or hard! In short we ask that you don’t change anything you have done as far as being our Blessed Mother and Father, we only ask that you help us to help ourselves so that we may spring forth and stand tall like all the Flowers in your Garden!

I am including in this sermon alongside my own prayer, the lyrics to Janet Jackson’s Rhythm Nation; I have loved this song since it came out in the 1990’s and I find it to be more relevant than ever, NOT just regarding race relations but regarding relations of ALL kinds across the board from personal to professional, political to Spiritual, we have grown so far apart as a HUMAN RACE that we NEED to come back together if we have any hope for a viable future ESPECIALLY much further down the road!

“With music by our side

To break the color lines

Let's work together

To improve our way of life!

Join voices in protest

To social injustice!

A generation full of courage

Come forth with me!

People of the world today

Are we looking for a better way of life?

SAY IT!

We are a part of the Rhythm Nation!

People of the world UNITE,

Strength in numbers we can get it right,

One time!

SAY IT

We are a part of the Rhythm Nation!

This is the test

No struggle, no progress!

Lend a hand to help

Your brother do his best!

Things are getting worse,

We have to make them better!

It's time to give a damn,

Let's work together come on, yeah!

People of the world today

Are we looking for a better way of life?

SAY IT!

We are a part of the Rhythm Nation!

People of the world UNITE,

Strength in numbers we can get it right

One time!

SAY IT!

We are a part of the Rhythm Nation!

People of the world UNITE,

Are we looking for a better way of life?

SAY IT!

We are a part of the Rhythm Nation!

People of the world UNITE,

Strength in numbers we can get it right

One time!

SAY IT!

We are a part of the Rhythm Nation!

-Janet Jackson (“Rhythm Nation”)”

“’Seeds of Wisdom and Determination’

Plant the seed even if no one should notice,

It will sprout through the mud, a beautiful lotus!

No matter how far down we are buried,

We will arise, no need to be hurried!

For everything happens in Nature’s own time,

The secrets locked within, all reason and rhyme!

The Stars above are Eternal, their Wisdom is vast,

And we stand to learn from their far reaching past!

We are not here by accident, not here by chance,

We are here as a result of Mother and Fathers dance!

For loved us they did and love us they still do,

They’ve stayed by our sides always tried and true!

Now is the time for us to show them how far we’ve come,

By stepping up to the plate and reversing the damage done!

It won’t be easy, but it will be worth every minute,

To save the whole world and everything in it!

The responsibility is not theirs, it is our own,

To take heed of the weakened structure that is our Home!

We can do this; there is still time to come together,

To embrace and revere every Sister and Brother!

That doesn’t mean that we will always get along,

It is through compromise we will remain strong!

So raise up your chalices and toast to the Family,

Remember we are ONE even though we are MANY!

ZI ANA KANPA! ZI KIA KANPA!

MAY THE DEAD RISE AND SMELL THE INSENCE!

Etiamsi MULTA Et Nos UNUM Sumus Nos Sto Validus Ut Nos Sto Una!

Semper Veritas, Semper Fideles, In Diabolus Nomen Nos Fides! AVE SATANÍ!

(We Are ONE Even Though We Are MANY And We Stand STRONGEST When We Stand TOGETHER!

Always TRUTHFUL, Always FAITHFUL, In Satan's Name We Trust! HAIL SATAN!)

Etiamsi MULTA Et Nos UNUM Sumus Nos Sto Validus Ut Nos Sto Una!

Semper Veritas, Semper Fideles, In NINHURSAG'S Nomen Nos Fides! AVE NINHURSAG!

(We Are ONE Even Though We Are MANY And We Stand STRONGEST When We Stand TOGETHER!

Always TRUTHFUL, Always FAITHFUL, In NINHURSAG'S Name We Trust! HAIL NINHURSAG!)

AVÉ IGIGGI!

AVÉ ANUNNA!

AVÉ DRACONIS!

AVÉ THE GREAT SERPENT OF WISDOM!

HPS Meg "Nemesis Nexus" Prentiss

[eds-zebra-warrior]

Ehlers Danlos Society Awareness Month (Day 31 Community)

Not all health conditions have what they call a community or a group of others with the same condition coming together as a group to be with, support and help one another. Let's be honest, most conditions don't need a community. There's a lot of conditions that are very cut and dry and easy to understand. There's a group on Facebook for everything but I can tell you right now there's not going to be a ton of people in a Hemorrhoid support group. The EDS group is a very close knit group with much value and importance to those who are part of it and I'll be explaining some of those reasons.

Of course one of the most obvious with having a rare disease is to be able to meet someone like you. To know others exist and to share similar experiences with. You know you can always find someone there that truly understands what you're going through having a condition so disabling you tend to lose most, if not all of your friends, some even lose family. Rather it be due to lack of understanding, lack of belief, fear, or any other list of reasons it seems to happen to all of us. So this is a way to make friends just like us. Friends that won't resent us for the physical abilities we have lost or the lifestyle changes placed on us by this syndrome.

Another reason is well because it's rare. It's surprisingly difficult to find any good information about EDS on the internet when you first get diagnosed unless you know where to look. In addition to this being a condition that lacks studies and research it's also extremely complex. In fact before being diagnosed, even with going to nursing school, I had no idea something this complex existed. If you are ever trying to find reliable information about a specific aspect of EDS it may be really hard to find, especially if the topic you're looking for is very specific. You can go into groups. A lot of individuals have certain documents bookmarked or saved in a word document or spreadsheet and can lead you in the right direction. If we can't find a study done in something we can also use support groups to do our own informal studies. Just simply create a pole and let everyone chime in. Before you know it, if posted in a larger group you'll go check out your pole and may have two or three hundred answers to your question.

Next, with EDS pretty much any body structure is a free game which means lots and lots of comorbidities. A good number of comorbidities are common amongst us which means we always have someone to relate to and ask questions to. In addition to this you can expand your groups to include groups for people with those comorbidities further extending your knowledge and possibility of friends. Most doctors don't know anything about these conditions so that leaves it to us to learn everything there is to know about it. When you finally think you have read everything there is on the web, others read thousands of sites or journals you haven't come across and ones you have read they didn't know existed so it's all about learning together and having people who understand.

Being a condition that is so very painful and severely affects sleep as well as causing many of us great depression and guilt for what we've lost and the deterioration our body has been through as well as the feeling of loss. We feel guilty for everything we put out families through, for needing help, for canceling plans and letting people down. Not only as if what we once were has already passed away but also the loss of friends, many times every single one we had before this illness and sometimes family members. We grieve the loss and are angry to learn that people we thought were our best friends and would never leave disappointed in us like a used paper plate. This is also the time it dawns on us how many of these people used us when we were healthy to provide them with things we need. Most of us have OCD or are on the high functioning side of the Autism Spectrum so tend to take responsibility and do things right, including not letting down our friends and family very seriously. Most of us thrive on routine and rules and chronic illness often gets to a point that a lot of this is no longer possible forcing us to make decisions last minute, change them or cancel them last minute, not be able to complete things by a time we have set for ourselves etc and that's really hard. It's helpful to know others who are or have been going through the same thing and to know you're not alone, not the one letting yourself and others down and to be told it's okay and it's not our fault.

The majority of us also have Medical Trauma Induced Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. We spent years of our lives rather you're lucky and got diagnosis in two years or ate 70 and have spent the last 55 years actively seeking a diagnosis we all have to fight for one, to see doctor after doctor and oftentimes the worst part of it all, be miss diagnosed with psychiatric disorders such as anxiety and Conversion Disorders. These are extremely dangerous and life threatening diagnosis for us because it essentially closes the door on even looking for a cause of what is going wrong with us. Conversion Disorder is a Diagnosis given after all other conditions have been ruled out the problem is, doctors use it as a crutch to not have to deal with us. We are also superstars, especially in the beginning at having beautiful results when it comes to basic blood tests such as a CBC. The problem is, again, doctors are known to cut corners because they like the majority of mankind are lazy creatures who tend to want to just get the job done. It doesn't matter if it's thoroughly done and done with utmost care to put as much effort into it as they can, it's just done and to them done is good enough so they do the common tests and call it done, close the book and slap a label of conversion disorder on us that follows us around for life for every other doctor to use as an excuse to say they are done too. It takes years to find a doctor who is in it for the better of the patient; one who is up for a challenge; one who is willing to do more testing and testing that is more advanced and most importantly, a doctor who believes us and is willing to go the extra mile. It's when these less common tests like a Tilt Table Study, Gastric Emptying Study, Urodynamics Testing, Upright MRIs instead of doing them in the prone position, Sweat Testing, a Sitzmark Colon Transit Time Study, a 24 hour urine test to measure histamine levels, skin biopsies and ultimately EDS Testing via either the Brighton score system along with a through study of the body and some questions used to determine a positive or negative diagnosis or Genetic Testing to determine a type of EDS that has a genetic mutation that has been discovered. Not all forms of EDS have had their genetic mutation discovered yet which is why the other study is so important. There are more tests that can be utalkzss than the ones mentioned but as you can see, none of these are tests that are done on a routine basis and a lot of doctors don't want to deal with them slapping the psychological, "all in our head" diagnosis on us prematurely.

This results in us without a diagnosis for what we have going on with our body. When this happens we aren't receiving treatment for the symptoms we are experiencing allowing them to escalate. To make things worse we are often given the wrong treatments, handed antipsychotic medications that cause even more adverse symptoms and don't work. When they don't work the doses are increased higher and higher resulting in more to go wrong with our bodies. This also closes the door to treatment causing doctors and hospitals to dismiss life threatening issues, sending us home when we are actually so sick we should be in the ICU. I myself was declared clinically dead at least 10 times before my diagnosis, four because my heart stopped and I went into cardiac arrest and the rest because my blood pressure would drop below 60/20 which in the medical field is a pressure that is considered legally dead. With all but one of these I was sent home within an hour to a few hours of it happening simply told that was weird and sent home on paperwork for Conversion Disorder, Hypochondriasis, or some other psychosomatic disorder and is I was lucky this would sent me discharging me with a diagnosis of low blood pressure and that was that. One of my codes my mom was in the room, thank God for her. When I code no one came. My mom went running down the hall begging for help pleading for a nurse to help because no one was running to my room. The nurse told her I'm probably faking it and just pulled my leads off and told my mom just to ignore me because people like me feed on attention. My mom ran back to the room and thank God had some medical training as a girl scout leader because she had to take first aid and CPR. My mom brought me back. The nurse walked in right after and checked my wires. They are still in place. My state as well as several others protect their medical personnel against malpractice suits so there was nothing we could do. I've been sent home with gastric ischemia which is a life threatening condition where the blood pressure increases to dangerous levels in the intestines. It can cause the pressures to get so high it bursts and dissects blood vessels in the intestines causing a person to bleed to death. I was sent home with a diagnosis of General Psychosis and Anorexia as well as treated for anemia and vitamin deficiency. They blamed it on anorexia, not the fact I physically couldn't eat and was having bowel movements that were nothing but pure blood that everyone. Refused to look at. I had an allergic reaction so bad it almost killed me and was sent home diagnosed with conversion disorder and sent to my doctor who wanted me in ICU but upon refusal from the hospital to see me again even with my vitals so poor my doctor had to take care of me basically sending me home with what I called a take home hospital and working with my mom over the phone to take care of me available all hours of the night. I had a nurse try to give me 50 times the dose of this same medication that caused this. Been sent home with intestinal blockages, hernias, extreme dehydration, a UTI after they said the results came back negative only to get them in the mail a week later to see they were positive and by that time my UTI was so severe I had a kidney infection and was in kidney failure. I've sat there days and nights in a hospital bed where nurses refuse to answer my call light saying I have a conversion. Disorder, don't need to be there and I'm wasting their time and resources taking up a bed for someone who is really sick and that they won't be coming anymore the rest of the night not knowing I was one of the sickest ones on the ward and just misdiagnosed. I've had nurses rip IVs out of my arm, ya know how they push you to your car when you're released? There are a lot of times they pull my IV, tell me I'm not sick anyway and can do it myself having to take multiple trips to get my personal belongings out of my room. When I lost the ability to walk I had multiple doctors tell me I could and would pick me up, put my feet on the ground and the. Let go of

dropping me on the floor. This happened a lot at OSU with their doctors. Again and again dropping me and seeing I didn't have that natural response to catch myself and went straight into the hard tile floor with my fragile and damaged connective tissue would they say hmm. You really can't walk then send another doctor in who would do the exact same thing. I got picked up and dropped four times by four different neurologists just in the first week of being paralyzed and it's happened time and time again after that at other neurology appointments. I could go on and on. This is the stuff a lot of us go through. It's extremely common with EDS, most of us have complex PTSD.

Most of us have an extreme fear of going to the hospital because that's when we are at our worst and at the same time, a time we get treated worse than anywhere else about our chronic illness. We go in knowing it's a game of Russian Roulette with a really high chance we will be sent home sicker than I came in. Worst of all, there's no way to treat our PTSD because it had to be treated by a doctor, the people we have the least trust in. Not only that but the cruel mistreatment never ends. Every hospital visit. I have had good nurses before but I have never gone to the hospital once where I can say everyone was good. I hear a lot of healthy individuals say endless good things about the hospital staff they had or they have some reason they have to go. When you have a rare invisible illness like EDS we aren't given that same care. The appalling lack of medical care never ends therefore it's impossible to even treat our PTSD. It's not like someone in the military who is in a war and when the war is over, it's done, they never have it go back and can get treatment and start to heal. It's like having to live the rest of their lives in that war as a POW who has been captured and imprisoned by the enemy and every time they get out they are found and imprisoned by another enemy and another enemy and then going to see a psychologist who happens for this only to find out the psychologist is one of those enemies from the other side who captures and holds others line you as POWs yet wants to try to help you get over everything that has happened to you even though you're still occasionally been tending by someone else and beat up before getting away again. Seeing a psychologist for us just doesn't work. We have no trust in the medical field and the gross mistreatment and lack of care is never ending. The EDS community can relate to this when one else can. While the healthy people we know, the people we grew up with, who became nurses and doctors themselves get mad telling us those doctors and nurses are heroes, they can do no wrong. That stuff doesn't happen, they are made up of the most caring and compassionate individuals. Those in our community and other rare or invisible disease communities know that degree of mistreatment all too well. We know the truth about the medical field.

We know they are no different than any other company. Identical to the people making minimum wage in a more trivial position such as a greater at a retail store. There are the good ones who take their job very seriously and want to do their job to the best of their ability truly valuing hard work and are highly motivated individuals but most people at a job are just working because they have to. They have bills but if they were multimillionaires there's no way they would be there now. They want to get the job done and go home. It doesn't matter how they get it done, it's just got to be done. These are quantity over quality people. They take working smarter not harder totally wrong, defining it in their mind as taking any short cut necessary to get it done. Ya know how at most jobs they would have, for example, 50 people but there are three of them that seem to pull all the weight. The three everyone thinks takes things too seriously because they hardly leave their desk or station. They don't take the time to walk around socializing and joking around with their peers. When things get behind they are the ones who stress and work really hard to get things caught up where others say I'm not getting paid any more, I'm not going to bend over backwards and stress about if they aren't paying me more. The three people first to volunteer for overtime and the least to grumble of the boss asks them to stay over another 15 minutes to finish something while on the other days a boss May say that if you get your work done you can go hike and everyone rushed to gst the job done to get out the door while those three are left sitting there at their desks to get the job done right whole also correcting others work that was hastily submitted so they could go home or start the weekend early. Just because someone is in the medical field doesn't make them any different from those who hold other jobs. If most of them won five million dollars they would be out of there. Forget the two weeks notice, heck they don't have to work anymore. Someone else can take their patients. If they're told its slow and they can go home when all the patients are out then one more comes walking in the door as they are packing up their stuff there are a lot if doctors will look to the people who are still working and say hey, I'm about to head out of here, do you mind taking this last Patient? It's human nature.

As generations have gone on more and more people are lazy and the medical field is no exception. When you're chronically ill and have spent a lot of time in the hospital it gets really easy to spot those three people. The ones who if they were multimillionaires may cut back their hours but would never dream of leaving their job because their job means more than money to them. They take great pride in making people better, getting them diagnosed, saving lives and they can't see life another way. Those are the good ones. The good ones line any other job. They are far and few, they pull all of the weight, are walked on by other staff members, their managers usually fail to see their accomplishments as they don't spend a lot of time just hanging out with workers at a patient's expense. They are the ones who will advocate and fight for their patients to all ends but like any other job, maybe five percent or one percent or any other single digit percentage of the employees are these people so EDS patients my get one person on their care team that is amazing, maybe two but will never get a whole care team and it seems like the good ones get more far and few the higher the position. I've had more caring and compassionate house cleaning staff. STNA's, more good STNA's than LPN's, more LPN's seen to be there for the patient then RN's and more RN's. Doctors.

I don't think I've ever had a bad Volunteer at a hospital. The volunteers just love to be there for the patients, to put a smile on their faces and to know they made a difference in our lives. Rather it be to bring us a coloring book and crayons, their Emotional Support Dog around to visit us (which is my favorite) bring us a warm blanket or fill up our water containers. I've had one bring me a card and a flower in a small tube of water. The volunteers are there because they want to be there, not because they have to be there. It seems like the higher the person is on the pay scale the more people are in it for the money. Money talks even if it's at the patient's expense and usually if you have a complicated or invisible illness like EDS you are the expenditure. A community is important to know we aren't alone, to share their experiences, some in the group have become medical advocates and will fight for others in their area who can't get the help they need. These advocates, especially the ones with lots of training are invaluable to the EDS community. They may not be able to fix our problems but it's nice to know there is someone out there who tried. When you're at your worst advocating for yourself is extremely difficult and sometimes impossible and oftentimes our families don't do a lot of research on their own so aren't able to advocate for us so having someone who can is more beneficial than words.

As you can see there are so many different reasons community is important and vital to all of us. Some use it simply as a way to relate or a way to make friends like them after losing the friends they had before their health declined to the extent their healthier friends no longer could relate to them and left. Many are involved in the community to gather information and gain knowledge about their conditions. Support groups are also there to talk, especially with so many who have PTSD. We can't trust a psychologist, psychiatrist or therapist as they are medical professionals and talking to a live person is more fulfilling than writing a journal that no one reads. Sometimes it's as if these individuals, having gone through this themselves, know just want to say and how to help us. Some are there as a medical advocate in their area. Someone who can be there for them in medical situations or even just to give them advice as to what to say to make doctors listen, direct them who to contact if they aren't receiving appropriate care and what to do or ask for from our medical personnel. Some even use these groups to find names of doctors that work with EDS patients or places to go where they may be able to get help or even ideas of what treatments work for others with similar comorbidities. There's even a few groups out there run by people who were medical workers before EDS ravaged their body to an extent that they had to leave the field. It consists of disabled nurses, doctors, radiologists and various specialists. This group works to tell us if we need a second opinion. We can post test results or imaging onto the page and since legally they can't have a diagnosis since they aren't currently working they give what's called a "non expert opinion, telling us what they see or would suspect and if we need to see someone else. I find all of these viral and that's why I see the EDS community as not an invaluable and essential part of my life and wellbeing as an individual with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.