#I should probably delete this later.
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“... it's the winter soldier. that guy is so cool.”
#just doing this because he's so fucking hot#I'll try to make more later... i think#also probably gonna delete this one#but holy fuck my man is so back#we are so back babyyy#he's so hot#he should manhandle me you know#look how easy he took that man's gun? fuck#bucky barnes#sebastian stan#marvel#mcu#thunderbolts*#buckybarnesedit#marveledit#mcuedit#sebastianstanedit#sebstanedit#fysebastianstan#sstanedit#stansclan#marvelcastedit#mcucastedit#thunderbolts#gbbb
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Maybe it's just me but do you guys ever think about how calmed down Wade would get if fucked regularly?? Unironically the chemicals that release during and after sex are some of the bodies best pain killers and seeing how he's chronically ill (in a sense) and probaby in pain multiple times a day, As well as the clarity you get afterwards.. might help him mentally.
I imagine it would be like putting him on Adderall.
Not that he doesn't already try to keep the house functional and managed, but I can see him sitting and humming while watching tv instead of doing something impulsive like coloring on a highway bridge. Dishes done, folding laundry, floors swept. He actually can remember to take out the trash now.
Of course hes still gonna say odd shit, you can't fuck that out of him, but still?
Better sleep, clearer mind, less pain?
I mean, sure, he's gonna get his pelvic crushed or his hip broke, or maybe even given 36 stab wounds, but I think it would do him some good. Especially to get all that energy out?
I just feel bad that his poor chosen mate is laterally a 200 year old man with a terrible diet and is an alchoolic.
Actually, you know what. Let the old man get some, too. Calm his ass right down. Maybe he'll stop having nightmares and stop chugging bottles, Who knows.
#its 1 am#i should probably delete this later#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#logan howlett#deadpool#deadpool 3#wade wilson#deadclaws#peanutbub#let the old men fuck#for science!
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I was watching calisthenic tutorials but got distracted and it ended up anatomy practice e_e
And I made it Tech 'cause idk, enjoy
#star wars the bad batch#tbb tech#I should have added scars I guessss#Me watching sport youtuber to find routines ideas#the video : so I start my routine with 10 muscle ups#my brain immediately leaving the chat#“hey did you see how the lower oblique look”#probably delete later#this is too different from what I do usually I don't feel ok#also they're is no backgrounds and no perspective I feel like I glowed down
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I want to open requests again but also, I have like zero confidence to write anything at the moment.
I dunno i keep hearing people talk about how they hate when writers do this or hate that and this headcanon is the worst, everybody dunking on something, and I keep seeing it in my stuff. I just don't have much confidence in making anything that people aren't gonna find cringe and poorly made and miserable to read. Like why would I take all of your ideas when someone else can/will just do them a million times better then I ever could without all the stuff that makes my writing annoying to read.
I'm not looking for like sympathy or anything, I just wanted to give a warning if you don't really see much writing from me for a bit.
#i know i'm just being self centered and annoying i just have like paper thin confidence in anything i do#there's some characters i don't even wanna write anymore i just feel bad looking at them#macaroni picture frame#like 'i hate people who write x character this way' and 'people who romanticize this are disgusting and should kts'#and it's stuff i write. i dunno i just feel like i'm throwing sewage in front of people writing nice stuff#i know i dont have very creative headcanons or anything either. im the mary sue boring girl writer#to delete later probably when i get embarrassed#not writing
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🌸 post-catws stucky + lovers’ kiss
one.
The thing about grief is, it has a habit of dropping by every once in a while, unannounced and insistent like a nosy suburban neighbor.
It’s a contrary little creature. Some days it strikes hard, and crushes Steve’s chest with the brutal force of a frothing waterfall. Sometimes, though, it comes in droplets; little pills that get stuck in his throat for a minute, until he can swallow them down.
Steve doesn’t mind those too much: sure, the aftertaste is bitter – but there’s always a spoonful of honey at hand to help wash it down.
two.
There’s a morning ritual Steve is particularly fond of.
When the coffee has been made, and the first sip taken, he nudges their mugs to the side, and crowds Bucky back against the kitchen counter, arms braced on either side of him to box him in. Bucky watches him come with a knowing grin, a gleam in his eyes that says, well, all right, he’ll let Steve believe that he’s leading this little dance here, just this once.
But it’s Bucky who pulls him in the rest of the way; Bucky who sets his hands low around Steve’s waist, and brings their bodies flush together from hip to knee, delight written in the pretty curve of his lips.
“Hey there, sailor,” he teases. His morning voice is a dark, rich thing, rough around the edges but soft at its core, sweet with that old Brooklyn drawl that brings Steve right back home.
“Hey there, sweetheart,” he chuckles against Bucky’s smiling lips, their breaths warm between them. “Fancy meetin’ ya here.”
It’s a ritual. Aren’t all kisses a ritual? Well-learned steps and a worshipful heart, the motions so ingrained they come naturally to your limbs.
Their mouths brush together, easy. Unrushed, like time will slow down for them if they’ll just deign to ask.
Bucky’s head tilts just so in Steve’s hands, and the kiss opens up, spilling its molten heat on Steve’s tongue, stroking inside to taste him, easy, easy.
It’s a long-practiced dance. If Bucky pushes, Steve will give; if Steve strays to flutter kisses all over Bucky’s bristly cheek, Bucky will grin and chase after him, and steer Steve back towards his lips.
It’s lazy. Uncomplicated. It’s their first conversation of the day, and Steve can just make out the words in the whisper of Bucky’s hair running through the gaps between his fingers; in the hushed rustle of his own t-shirt, when Bucky’s hand slips under the hem and slides warmly up the dip of Steve’s spine, leaving a trail of pebbled skin in its wake.
You’re here, Bucky’s touch says, awed and reverent.
Always, Steve says back, and kisses that vow to Bucky’s lips for Bucky to find later, when he’ll brush his fingertips against it, and the well-loved flush of his mouth, red and sweetly sore, will remind him of this. Of always.
Parting from him is agony, but breathing is an unfortunate necessity in life – so Steve pulls back, though only just enough to drink Bucky in, his arms wrapped snugly around Bucky’s waist to hold him close.
He’s a sight to behold, all soft and loved up and ruffled from Steve’s own hands, his smile like a ripe fruit framed by the fullness of his beard. His eyes crinkle with it, each little crease a testament to his happiness – and Steve knows he’s gonna have to take his time kissing each and every one of those later, or he’ll simply be driven to madness.
He should get to have a whole lifetime of this, Steve thinks – a lifetime to dedicate just to this little pleasure. Seventy years at least, to make up for the seventy years gone by that could have seen them grow old and gray together, but were stolen from them instead – and then seventy years more, ninety, a hundred, as many as his old withering body will stand and breathe for.
This will be his only job: the worship of Bucky’s laugh lines, of the curling wisps of his bedhead, of his eyelashes fanning darkly against the pad of Steve’s thumb. Cherishing this treasure he holds in his hands – the one he once thought gone forever.
There it is now: a little pill lodged in his throat. The cold hand of grief squeezing around his heart again, just for a moment.
Bucky’s palms cup his cheeks, drawing Steve’s gaze up to meet his.
“Hey,” he murmurs, gentler than before, his thumb stroking soothingly over Steve’s cheekbone. “You’ve got your thinking face on. What’s wrong?”
Steve covers Bucky’s hand with his own, turning his mouth to it to kiss the warm, unyielding metal of Bucky’s palm.
“Nothing’s wrong,” he promises, leaning in to nudge to tip of his nose against Bucky’s, like a puppy. “Just busy coming up with an excuse to kiss you some more.”
Bucky’s breath puffs warmly against his lips. “Yeah? Had any luck yet?”
Steve hums pleasantly, “Mm-mmm”, locking his fingers together just above the small of Bucky’s back, and gently sways the two of them from side to side. Bucky snorts, amused, but he allows it; dropping his hands to rest on Steve’s shoulders as Steve rocks them slowly, left to right, right to left.
“Here’s what I think,” Steve rumbles. “I think I ought to give you one kiss for each day we were apart since 1945.”
Bucky stares back at him, his lips parted slightly in surprise. He takes Steve in, wordlessly, studying him from the arch of his eyebrows, to the half-crooked slope of his nose, to the hopeful smile Steve knows he must be sporting right now. There is much left unsaid, Steve can feel its weight hanging in the air between them, recognizes it by taste and sound.
But Bucky’s gray eyes shimmer, nearly crystal-clear, and they fill with the kind of big, heart-twisting emotion that cannot fit under a single label; one that is equal parts ache and tenderness, and Steve understands – his chest feels too-tight around that same ache, too.
“That’s a lot of kisses,” Bucky rasps softly, and his hand skates up Steve’s shoulder to curl over the nape of his neck, herding him one inch closer into Bucky’s space.
“Yes,” Steve whispers, leaning in the rest of the way to mash their foreheads together. He can feel his own heart beat inside his chest, a quick and steady rhythm, and a rushing sense of victory bubbles straight up to his lips, sweet and light as air. “Exactly.”
Bucky laughs, a little wetly, and laughs ever harder when Steve tries to kiss him and gets all teeth and half a nostril instead – his head thrown back and his whole body shaking joyfully, while Steve ducks in to kiss what bristly portion of Bucky’s neck he can reach.
A treasure, Steve thinks.
A treasure in his hands, and forever to hold on to it.
three.
He sits himself down at the table with a sheet of paper, a pen and a calculator, a bunch of dates marked down and circled over and over in the topmost corner.
Bucky watches him from across the room, amused and – Steve believes – a little bit impressed.
“You’re really gonna do this?”
Steve smiles up at him, throwing in one teasing wiggle of his eyebrows for good measure.
“I’m a man of my word.”
It takes nearly a whole hour of focused scribbling before he looks up again, a wide grin lit up like Christmas on his face and a torn piece of paper held up in triumph. “I have the number.”
25109.
Seventy years’ worth of daily kisses.
It’s quite the commitment. It requires dedication. But good things are always worth putting in the work, Bucky tells him, eyes dancing with laughter; and when he settles in Steve’s lap, heavy and warm in Steve’s arms, and brushes their mouths together to claim the first of what he was promised, Steve can’t help but agree.
four.
25109 kisses Steve owes him, and he initiates quite a few; but mostly, he lets Bucky ask for them, when and where the mood strikes him to do so.
When he’s right on the verge of sleep, his face half-swallowed up by his pillow, and he can’t even peel his eyes open long enough to receive his kiss – he just tips his chin up and waits for Steve to scoot closer and find his mouth, drowsily humming in satisfaction.
When he lets Steve slip into the shower with him, and slides his hands up Steve’s chest, sweet and proprietary, and their breaths mingle with the hot steam.
When he’s got his head in Steve’s lap while Steve reads, and Steve’s fingers carding through his hair at leisure; and Steve catches Bucky watching him from under his eyelashes, and trying to hide that private little grin of his, because apparently Steve was silently mouthing the words again without realizing it.
“Kiss me special, Stevie,” he’ll croon, and Steve will know.
And he’ll be all too happy to comply.
five.
Steve is supposed to keep score. He does, too. For the most part.
Once every couple of weeks or so, though, he’ll just so happen to conveniently lose count.
He’ll roll out of bed with singular purpose, and break the tragic news to Bucky over their morning coffee, barefoot and forlorn. Bucky never buys his little sob story, but that never stops Steve from batting his eyelashes at him all prettily, either.
He’ll guide Bucky’s arms to loop around his neck, luring him in, soft and stealthy like a thief, and he’ll mumble real close to Bucky’s lips, “Let’s start over again.”
And Bucky, sweet, merciful, long-suffering Bucky, will accept his fate and be kissed breathless once more, right in front of their placidly steaming mugs.
“There,” Steve will murmur, again, and again, and again. “One down, 25108 to go.”
Oh, one life won’t be enough to see the end of this, no.
And that’s exactly Steve’s plan.
***
little sidenote nobody asked for lol: obviously the number of days/kisses varies depending on when you think the boys were reunited; my wishful thinking headcanon for this specific fic is: post-helicarrier, they find each other again sometime in the fall, 2014. the ficlet is set sometime in late spring 2016, and ignores everything that comes after catws.
#stucky#stevebucky#post-catws stucky#i clearly have no idea what i'm doing#neither with the writing nor with the formatting. but uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i tried#i swear that number is way less random than it looks#do you know how many leap years we've had since 1945?? i know now#was it really necessary?? i mean. yeah i mean. probably not lol#i'm so sorry#i've been adding and subtracting for too long#i don't even know what i wrote anymore#please have mercy#should probs delete later#rillers scribbles
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I really wish that they showed more of Keyleth actually being friends with Vox Machina, because I know they obviously can't animate everything that happened in the Chroma Conclave arc, but there are some scenes that aren't in cartoon that bug me a little.
Like Grog 100% backing up Keyleth in not trusting Raishan and that she will have her chance to get her revenge on Raishan. Just not at that moment because they need her.
Or just any scene between her and Percy because they're supposed to be best friends, and they barely show it at all in any of the seasons. Like I know they needed Vax to have this big moment for his Raven Queen storyline, and show that he's accepted Percy as his family. but knowing that in Critical Role that it was Keyleth that brought his soul back, so Pike could revive him, hurt my heart a little.
#critical role#tlovm spoilers#tlovm#keyleth#grog strongjaw#percy de rolo#of course this is not hate to anyone at all#these are just things i wish were in it#and with how fucking long it is#it's literally impossible to get#everyone wants in it#it's just a bummer for me personally#not seeing these things#anyway i'll probably delete this later#after i wake and realised i should of shut up#and let the 2am thoughts consume me
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if anyones wondering what the vibes in the archives in this au are in my head:
This random guy swans into the institute:
1) marked by so many of the fears you'd think he was collecting them,
2) Sneaks up on an Omniscient Avatar Of A God Of Fear, and
3) Baffles a harbinger of death because he Cannot See This One What
and he somehow walks out with a job because the afformentioned god of fear wants to know What His Fucking Deal Is.
Chaos Ensues.
#debated whether that should be a mechs hoodie or a grifters bone hoodie and in the end i thought the GB hoodie was a funnied visual#im probably gonna delete this#and redo it#i just. Needed To Get This Stupid Idea Out lmao#and also coz its late and like a FOOL i forgot tims scars lmao#archivist!gpt#gunpowder tim could be an avatar for the dark the desolation slaughter the buried hunt the end the extinction or the eye in this essay i w#hes has ✨️range✨️#my art#the-aurora-strikes-again#tma#i rly need 2 finish the magnus archives “:)c#im 90~ episodes in#i also wonder if he could catch out the not!them and the distortion and such. hmmmmm#in which case All Of That then later he accuses an archival assistant of Not Being Real lmfao#gunpowder tim#cw scopophobia
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happy birthday sdc ova
#me.txt#happy 30th birthday jojo ova.... ur old...#i should probably do more of the redraws.....! i have one sitting done and i have a wip that i didn't finish but like..... Still.......#do hate that i love it so much. i think my mental illnesses would all be cured if we had the pb movie and a full a.p.p.p jojo adaptation#delete later(?) i am simply wishing it a happy birthday#jjba#sdc ova#stardust crusaders ova#jojo ova#dio brando#jotaro kujo
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“... and Bucky is about a guy that has to live with his past and having done all these horrible despicable things and find a reason to live and a purpose to live again. that was very real to me.”
#i know sebas' fandom always jokes that marvel should free him finally#but man I'll never get tired of hearing him talking so lovely about my man#he loves bucky as much as I do and probably even more#he understands him so well and that always makes me emotional#so yes as always i take bucky's mention crumbs and have it here#deleting this later#was just for the funsies#sebastian stan#bucky barnes#marvelcastedit#mcucastedit#sebastianstanedit#sebstanedit#sstanedit#fysebastianstan#gbbb
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loumand's 1st meeting
#hope my blog won't get deleted because of this. should probably remove it later#interview with the vampire#loumand#louis de pointe du lac#armand#vampterview#iwtv video#iwtv spoilers#only loumand in my head. made this so i can rewatch it one billion times#vampchives
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currently experiencing. sad autism where im scared that bc i post so slow everybody has already gotten over bg3 and theres no point in me getting to all the ideas i still have bc novody will care. can anybody just reassure me real quick that you will still want me to draw shadowheart once every 3 months in the future
#3 particular shad ideas r at the top of my list currently but im having a hard time even getting to work on them#bc i feel like its already too late? idk this probably doesnt make sense and is stupid#delete later#probably. i mean i should#im also scared that bc i talk to people on here so sporadically that nobody cares. just a good day overall
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Rereading old haikyuu chapters, here's a bunch of silly Akaashis
#im feeling the haikyuu thoughts again since the movie came out#i haven't seen it. i've heard its great. im excited to see it#but im also sad cause it means fukurodani vs mujinazaka will probably never be animated#hghhhh im biased... cause i like fukurodani sooooo much#and this match is such a good introspective on akaashis and bokutos character with and without each other#and kiryu is such a breath of fresh air as a rival#but man akaashi is so funny im so sorry fandom reduces you a pretty face my guy#breaking off the group to sulk by yourself that is a high masking autistic right there#sitting in tenmas garbage hallway watching his friends on a stream man hes such a loser#i would love to see a spinoff of akaashi and tenmas manga adventures but maybe that's just me#haikyuu!!#sry to all the folks who came from elementary or aa or dunmeshi but my digital footprint started with gay volleyball boys lol#s/o to the manga that jumpstarted my egg cracking#i will provide no context#wheat rambles#akaashi keiji#delete later#?#i should be allowed to be cringe once in a while
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My first encounter with the broad concept of "people who want to live in the woods" came in the form of seeing people, online and in media, actually living in the woods, in one capacity or another.
As a teenager I watched Ray Mears' Bushcraft. It's a really good show that I would strongly recommend to just about anyone. Ray Mears (who in fact popularized the term "bushcraft") is a British wilderness survival/outdoorsmanship expert, and in Bushcraft he travels around the world, meeting with people who still practice some form of traditional subsistence-off-the-land, and documenting their knowledge and techniques. He shows traditional bushcraft in the Amazon, among aboriginal Australians, etc., and talks to the people who practice it about their way of life.
This show had a pretty big impact on me as a young person. I was already avidly interested in nature and the outdoors, and I had been intrigued by the concept of "wilderness survival" since watching Survivorman as a kid. There was something very appealing about the idea of placing oneself in nature with as few barriers as possible; getting to experience the natural world not just in a removed, "sightseeing" way, but in a real, engaged and "tactile" way. But what Mears presented added an additional layer of appeal: "wilderness survival" not as a chaotic fray to stay alive, but as a body of skills, refined over the centuries, which can be taught and learned. A mature art, something sophisticated and deep, in which one can become a practitioner. Something, in other words, a lot like mathematics, which I already knew that I liked, and a lot like language, which I had just recently become aware I was fascinated by. This inspired in me a much more lasting and serious interest in bushcraft. I began reading about it more seriously, and practicing as much of it as I could (not very much) in my parents' back yard.
I still count "becoming truly proficient in bushcraft" as one of my life goals, although I am not anywhere near that point yet.
A further point stressed by Ray Mears was that these traditional bushcraft techniques are a dying art. As people's lifestyles change, they are not getting passed on, and soon they may be lost. I want to stress here (because I'm on tumblr, where Big Ideas and Grand Narratives rule) that I have no desire to chastise people for living a different lifestyle than their grandparents! That's fine! I do not believe that, I don't know, the children of bushcraft experts should be forced by government decree to live in the woods or whatever. I have to make this clear, because "what should we force people to do by government decree?" seems often to be the only level at which tumblr discoursers are willing to think. What I am claiming is that this loss of knowledge is sad, it is unfortunate, and being that I and others (including most principally many of the practitioners) would not like to see these arts die out, it would be nice if they continued to be taught and learned and thereby passed on into posterity.
There need not be some kind of Decree! Maybe people just do some kind of outreach, as Mears himself did, and get more people interested in these things. Maybe, if you're an Amazonian guy or an aboriginal Australian guy, you do that outreach in a community-internal way, because your desire is principally to increase interest community-internally. I don't know; my whole point here is that I'm not really trying to get into the political dimension of this. That's not where my interests lie. Other than expressing a general sentiment that "bushcraft is cool and readers of my blog should think it's cool", I don't have any particular agenda here.
Anyway, this is the sum total of the context in which "people going out and doing shit in the woods" existed for me until just a few years ago. Then I came into the internet discoursosphere, around 2020, and I realized two things very quickly:
everyone was debating the relative merits of living in the woods
no one seemed to have any interest in or experience with anything even passingly related to living in the woods on a practical level, either first- or second-hand.
It was all, all this purely abstract, "theory"-based, grand narrativizing politico-philosophical debate. Nobody gave a shit about friction fire-lighting or shelter construction at an object level. Nobody gave a fucking shit!
This is a microcosm, and in fact not just a microcosm but perhaps the type case, of why I hate the discourse. The discourse is insistent on taking everything real in the world, everything that is (permit me to get a bit philosophical myself) vibrant and living and actual, and turning it into this dreary, sterile, empty word game. Are the Marxists the True Leftists or are the Anprims the True Leftists? Which one is it? I don't know and I don't care. Why is our interest in being in nature mediated by meaningless word game abstractions? Why must our interest in science or history be reduced to meaningless word game abstractions (shape rotator/wordcel discourse)? Why must our interest in, say, video games be reduced to meaningless word game abstractions (any of the thousand video game discourses)? Etc. etc.
It's actively, fucking, toxic to the idea of just being a person in the world. Everything you do has to be some symbol in a bullshit fucking symbol game. Worse, everything everybody else does becomes to you a symbol in a symbol game, even if they aren't playing.
I am dedicated to an alternate project. I want to be in the world and I want to be in it with others. In fact, I am so dedicated to this, that I can appreciate the reality of others' lived experience and actions even in spite of the symbol games they might be playing, even if I think these symbol games might be a little bit bullshit. This is a plainly virtuous way to be. This is the way I was raised to interact with people; it is parablized in various different ways, we're told (among other things) "everyone has a story", and "everyone is valuable in their own way", and so on. And these things may seem trite but they are true, they are obviously fucking true and many people in "discourse" have forgotten.
There are some anarchists who are really into urban community gardening. They're into it for various reasons. Some feel that it gives them autonomy over and knowledge of their own food in a way that buying things at the grocery store does not. That's fair, and kinda cool. If you're into that I support you. Some of them think that the whole economy could be replaced with urban community gardens. That's a bit silly. But I will come to these "silly" anarchists' defense every single time without question, because, fuck, they're doing something. I mean they're fucking doing something, ya know? They see meaning in this thing, and they're doing it, and that's cool! I would rather go to the overly idealistic anarchist community garden than the just-the-right-tendency Marxist reading group or whatever the fuck every single time.
Buncha "got lost in the world of symbols and forgot what they signify" mfers on this world wide web of ours istg.
#will probably delete later#this is too personal and pissy#but I'll put it out there for a moment and see what people think#wtf am I coming to dumping my guts on the internet like this I should certainly shut the fuck up
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Anyone have any good podcast recs I'm getting agitated listening to music and watching shows in the background while I draw so need to try something else
#delete later#i should probably try listening to magnus archives or what ever its called#but i think im more in the mood for something comedic#and i dont think magnus is that
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Simon who never hesitates to call or message you whenever he's out with the 141
Simon who would admire you from afar whenever your busy doing smth
Simon who would squeeze you into embrace whenever he comes home as if theres no tomorrow
and the very same Simon you plan your happy ending with.
#cod#call of duty#simon ghost riley#simon riley#ghost#cod mw2#modern warfare 2#ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#mw2#i love him#i should probably delete this later#idk man#i suck at writing
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Tfw you are littleguy regressed and like. Kids shouldn’t be on cell phones it’s bad for their small brains, but I’ve lost any way to stimulate my brain without this rectangle. The only option is to Nap and Sleep but also that’s no fun :// It’d be so sick to levitate crayons with my mind
#Will delete LATER#brain is weirdy tonight#should I post on main whern feeling funky and vulnerable? probably not#but my brain journaling has been public for years so what does it matter anyways xD#too sleepy to communicate one on one with friends but also too lonely to not signal for attention on social media💀💀💀#explodez
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