#I should just sell all my instrument shit

[outlandishcarp]

Today is probably the worst day on the planet that I could’ve chosen to play guitar

[ciaran]

I love your Honkai Star Rail fics! How do you write Aventurine so well?

i thnk in general writing a character well is a matter of developing this kind of mental library about who they are, their habits, their style and speech and reactions. a sense of how that character moves through space and how they understand and place themselves in relation to the world. if you observe people closely and without trying to better or worsen them, you will note qualities in people that allow you to get a sense of how various character traits fit together. one thing is there; people are contradictory, but characters must have internal consistency.

aventurine is bored of life and thrill-seeking, experience seeking. he has little morality, though he might be kind or generous, hes rarely really Good. he takes a lot of risks, but underneath those risks, he plays it safe. he also is never willing to be vulnerable, and he's really smart about human behavior and other people in general; he can read a room at a glance, figure out what people are trying to say very quickly, calculate odds on the go - street smarts. this may reflect in book smarts, but not necessarily. neither, i think, is he insecure about who he is as a person or the decisions he's made. he's generally confident in them, though he might also be amused by it or find it pathetic or greedy or cold; he sluts it up and uses his body to charm people and is willing to sell himself for cold hard cash and it's not because he doesn't value himself, it's because he exactly has evaluated himself and decided how much he's worth in every situation. he doesn't barter using his own body because he thinks it's all he's worth, or because he hates himself, it's that he has this excessively instrumental view of himself, he doesn't need to hate himself to treat himself callously and with really poor regard for safety and boundaries. this ties back into my earlier point about him being thrill-seeking, he doesn't care about safety for a multitude of reasons, and he doesn't care about boundaries bc no one in his life has ever suggested to him that he should have those. but that doesn't mean he doesn't have limits, just that those limits are highly contextual and whether he conveys them depends on his read of his audience, how they'll respond. aventurine, when he gets pissed at ratio for saying all that shit to him about his parents, would never ever have said it to anyone else, it's just that he knows ratio and knows that if he pushes, ratio might walk it back. that's how aventurine talks; he can accurately predict what the other person will do or say with a narrow margin of error. you see this in every single interaction, down to when he tells jade he bets his life they'll promote him. he even weaponizes his vulnerability, because he knows he appears like a poor little meow meow and can use that to get what he wants. doesn't mean he's never vulnerable, just that he's really difficult about it. because he is, in general, a difficult person.

[femmmie]

"I just don't know what to do," Anthony lamented.

"It will come to you, I'm certain of it."

Jon Cozart was over to shoot a video for Anthony's solo channel. He was one of is only friends in LA.

"Will it?"

"I mean, you're going through the grieving phases! You're crying and half-naked in every video…"

"I am?"

"Yeah, you literally just shot a crying scene."

"Right… Okay, but why do you zone in on me being half-naked?"

"Fuck off! Mister perfect abs," Jon gave Anthony the softest fake-bro bump to the shoulder. It made him laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, you're only my friend so you can take advantage of me in a vulnerable moment."

"Then I'd taken advantage of you as soon as you showed up at my place the other day all teary-eyed," Jon countered.

"Okay, shut up then and play me some music!"

While Jon was strumming his uke, Anthony dramatically collapsed on his couch, spread-eagled. He closed his eyes and sighed.

"Yeees, Anthony has mastered, the Youutube shiiigh hhhhh like noo other youutuberrr"

Jon forced Anthony to smile in his moment of self-pity.

"I just don't think this is going to work. What the hell am I going to do with my channel? It's not going anywhere… I should just sell my body for money…"

"I'd support youuuu"

"Yeah with moneyyy"

"Why would I give youuu moneyyy if youuu show off thaaat bodyyyy for freeee alll the tiiiime?"

Anthony sighed yet again. He reached for his bong.

"No!" Jon stopped strumming. "My vocal chords will not be besmudged with smoke."

Anthony stood up.

"Wanna watch old Smosh videos?"

"For the tenth time, no thank you, Anthony. But really…" Jon put his instrument down and walked up to him. "You shouldn't either. There's no use in wallowing in the past."

Jon left the house.

Anthony thought about what Jon had said. But he just didn't agree. As long as he would know exactly what he'd done wrong, he could still make it right… right?

He knew his new videos were shit and that was because he wasn't putting his heart into it. Because of course, his heart remained with…

He opened YouTube and clicked on Food Battle 2006.

"Fu-hu-hu-uuuck, what haaave I dooone…"

[greypentachoron]

I love Wicked the musical. When I saw a movie coming out I knew nothing but perfection would satisfy my high expectations, you know? I'm aware I wouldn't *love* the movie, but I could like it, so I went to watch the movie trying not to be nitpicky.

I loved many parts of the movie. Acting was okay, costumes were absolutely gorgeous and it was a pretty faithful adaptation, but there's a few issues I have to address and honestly I'm not sure who's to blame in this.

I'm cutting this a bit because it's a long rant from someone who has loved this musical for years. It's probably my favourite musical

Clearly the songs were made not for the musical, but to be sold after the movie. I'm not here expecting Idina Menzel level of singing, because she is unmatched, but in many cases where the music had to swell with emotion and sung with feeling it reached the peak and then came crashing down to a more "acceptable" level of album song instead of singing with their heart.

I'm not that girl, in the musical, is heart wrenching. You should feel the "I'm never going to be enough" that comes with years of trauma, and in the movie it felt so unpersonal, it didn't move anyone. The instruments blossomed with emotion but not the voice.

I love that actress that made Madam Morrible, but she sung twice and on her solo it also lacked emotions, she was almost whispering the whole song where she should be excited, she should be giving Elphaba some hope. Her song had awkward pauses everywhere for acting and "pretty scenes", and that's an issue for the entire movie.

Speaking of this, this needs a topic on its own. Many songs felt a little chopped, broken and awkward. In the middle of a song they stopped singing, then a scene of a character shows up, they, idk, run somewhere, does a funny thing, 5, 10 seconds pass and the song comes back. I know you want to show pretty scenes, you don't have to pause the literal music or singing to do that. The character can do their quirky thing and sing. Please god stop this, it breaks such emotional songs that are ALREADY lacking emotions.

By the end of the movie I thought, well, they didn't want to bring a lot of emotions to other very emotional songs because they'll place every single ounce of feelings they got in Defying Gravity. The magnum opus, so they want the feeling to be jarring. Oh boy was I fucking wrong.

First of all, the entire story up to here has Glinda singing higher pitched and Elphaba singing lower, in Defying Gravity they change roles, showing Elphaba taking the lead, daring to imagine that she can fix things. That they, together, can. Glinda is letting her dream for a moment, but she's not going to accept it. They have wildly different emotions, and the song should show it.

They equalised the SHIT out of this duet. It's clear they sung separately and they just stitched this bullshit together. They're literally perfectly in sync and pitch, and it takes the ENTIRE fucking personality of this song. I'm pretty sure Glinda's voice is even higher in volume comparing them both, probably because they wanted to lean on Ariana Grande being actually a very good singer (and that's a whole can of worms to open here. I don't even like most of her pop music, but I have to admit she is a great singer)

When it's time for Elphaba to be angry, to say "yeah if I'm going down, I'm going down fighting", there's again a lack of emotions. I'd argue the only moment the actress really sings with her heart is in the very end of the song, after the needless scene of her falling off the building that, again, stops a very emotional song for moments of "ooh look at our cgi/scenario/clothing isn't this movie great?"

This song should swell after the first time she speaks "Defying Gravity", right at the BEGINNING, and there's a peak and then... Nothing. Oh my god I'm so furious.

I'm angry because this movie is so fucking subpar, and meanwhile Broadway or was it West End years ago had planned on recording Wicked and selling the dvd. We won't get that now, because we got a movie. A subpar fucking movie, with people who clearly weren't chosen because they're good singers, but because they were good actors. These good actors could act, but they clearly couldn't put their emotions in songs.

This movie seems like fast cash, soulless. It's like they got a husk of Wicked, dressed it pretty and left it there, an exoskeleton of what it could have been.

[noa-de-cajou]

Day 17 : Washing something / Blurry image / The ultimate horror

Dolmund belongs to @corneille-but-not-the-author

The following text contains mention of relationship abuse and trauma and just. Well. References to Leonova. Which comes with a whole lotta ptsd.

Listen. I like my things clean.

Khaliun used to tease me about it, you’re such a cleaning freak, and that never failed to get a rise out of me, I'm a surgeon, Khaliun, of course those godsforsaken instruments need to be spotless or at least sanitized do you want RUST in your RAW ASS WOUND-

She'd laugh and say Ether, I'm kidding!

Said she couldn't help herself, that I was cute when angry.

Leonova sure as hell didn't find it cute when I plunged my scissors into her eyes. She was into a whole bunch of things, seemed to really enjoy gouging my eye out, but clearly the opposite wasn't well received. Should have felt satisfying to give her a taste of her own medicine – doctor pun intended – but it didn't.

Not only did it feel gross but now the blood won’t come off.

Her blood on my scissors, his gift.

I've been scrubbing with all the products I found but it's still not back to its original color. It’s still red, brownish, incrusted, like rust, and it's. Not. Coming. Off.

It wasn’t meant to be used like this. It wasn’t… It’s scissors. Not even surgical scissors. It’s to cut hair, hair, not threads, especially not flesh –

Cut hair. Cut hair. She cut it. My hair. I rub my hand against the back of my neck. It's short. It’s okay. It's short. I cut it. I cut it myself. Nothing to grab, nothing to sell, I'm fine. I’m okay.

Alright. Back to scrubbing.

It's gonna come off eventually. It's gotta come off.

That cloth I'm using's way too dirty. Can't even be called a cloth, that's a rag at best. Those scissors deserve better.

What would have happened if he didn't give those to me? How would I have escaped? Maybe if I used the knives on the table? Who am I kidding, I could barely stand, let alone outrun her.

I would have died. Alone in that basement, killed by the woman I loved most, with no one to tell where I was, no tomb, no memory, all of those years for nothing-

I scrub harder.

Even if it’s useless.

Fuck, it's been, like, an hour, when is it gonna…

Maybe never.

It’s ruined. I ruined it. She ruined everything. Now I won't be able to even cut my hair without seeing those damn stains. And she's a vampire so she’ll regenerate while I'll have to see this constantly.

You know what, lying to me for years and tearing off my eye was already bad enough, but sure, let’s say that was fine, but trying to ruin the only things that I have left from him, to sully his memory, my memories like that, it's the last fucking straw, now it's midnight and this bitch has gotten me scrubbing blood that had three years to dry off a fucking pair of scissors and… and…

It's not coming off.

Maybe she cut my hair with it too. My memories are too hazy. I can't remember. I don't want to remember. I want to erase it.

It’s not coming off.

I want to puke.

I scrub and scrub and scrub and scrub and scrub but it's not coming off it’s still there I remember everything and my eye hurts and my chest is too damn tight and I don’t want to remember.

Everything's blurry, I can barely see anything now, come on, get it together, you shouldn't cry for this, you've been through worse and…

And the worse in question is in those stains.

It’s not coming off, it's not coming off, fuck this, fuck everything, I hate this, why do I even bother, why won't it FUCKING-

“Ether?”

Shit. Shit. I scrub harder. Harder. Come on. Come on please please please-

“Ether, I'm coming in.”

No no no it’s still there I have to get it clean before-

The door opens. I squeeze my eyes shut, a tear escapes. Dolmund’s there. I can't see him but I know he’s standing there. Shit.

“What the hell are you doing kneeling on the floor?”

Can’t he mind his own damn business for once? How do I explain this? How do I explain…

“It won't come off.”

Great. Amazing. Couldn’t have sounded more pathetic if I tried. My voice doesn’t even remotely sound like mine. Good job, Ether.

Dolmund walks up to me. I'm so hunched over it makes him taller.

“... Again?”

Yeah. Again. I guess I just never learn. He doesn't even sound mad or disappointed and that's probably the worst part. I cough, try to get my voice to work.

“I need to… I don't know. Thought I might give those bad boys a good scrub again. Never hurts to try, right?”

“Never hurts? Look at your hand before saying shit like that.”

I open my eyes.

The cloth is all stained with blood. So are the scissors.

Didn't even notice my nails breaking.

And now it’s even bloodier than it used to be. Tears well up in my eyes again. Great. Just great. Can this evening get any worse? Stay tuned to find out.

Dolmund sighs with all the weight of his chest.

“Put those away and go patch up your hand.”

“I c-can't.”

“Why?”

“How am I going to defend myself if you try to kill me?”

That's ridiculous. He wouldn't do that. Rationally, I know he wouldn't.

But I thought Leo wouldn't either.

“Ether, you have eight guns on you. Use them. Defending yourself with scissors? You still in kindergarten or something?”

Oh, he thinks he’s so funny. I’d punch him if my hand didn't hurt like a bitch.

“Yeah, yeah, you can glare at me all you want once you put those away.”

“But I need-”

“What you need is a drink, Ether. A drink, and to get the fuck out of your room and fix your hand, your only good hand, in case you forgot.”

He narrows his eyes at me.

“I can deal with an hungover doctor. Not an injured one. Put. Those fuckers. Down.”

…

I do. Put the fuckers down, that is. After washing my blood off right away with some water. I shut my drawer tight. Out of sight, out of mind, or whatever.

“That’s better. You comin’, or do you need help walking too?”

He’d help me, if I said yes. But he knows treating me like I'm sick would be ten times worse. I can pity myself just fine, thank you very much.

And we know we both need way more than what we can give each other.

“I'm good.”

Just a little wobbly on them legs. Wooooo.

“Hope you got something strong enough.”

“You bet.”

The drink is indeed strong.

It's the only thing keeping my mind right and clear lately. I’m glad Faloi and Khaliun are dead so they don’t have to see this, but it’s their fault for getting killed in the first place.

Hey, at least I did Leo one better.

Can’t sell or eat a fucked-up liver.

[sw4tch]

ON THAT NOTE-

the 80s transformers movie is absolutely fucking bonkers. I have been marathoning the G1 cartoon, mostly bcus it's something silly to put in the bg while I work. and I finally reached the end of s2 and so it was time to watch the movie.

and first of all, the animation is a delight. Peak sci-fi anime visuals. It's clear the sci-fi elements were made with so much love. The funky space creatures and cybertron look so good. I am Licking The Screen bcus the animation simply looks Nostalgic and Good. There's sequences that go longer than they should but I don't care because clearly the people that animated them were flexing something and they deserve to.

Anyway. It's an extremely silly movie. The soundtrack is actively distracting because it's all rock music. and One (1) song by weird al. Like sure, I love it, but also I am shaking this movie and going AN INSTRUMENTAL MORE ATMOSPHERIC SONG SONG HERE WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE THAN OKAY.

but it wouldn't have been the same movie with those choices. truly a product of its time.

Also the introduction of roddy is so funny. here's some new guy. he has youthful spunk and a funny grandpa. He Will Be Your New Favorite. No, We Won't Elaborate Further. What Do You Mean You Still Miss Optimus.

(like, of course I still love roddy. but I already was endeared to him thanks to the comics. I cannot imagine 80s kids being happy with him after such a sudden introduction even if I still like his character).

anywho. before going in I already knew they killed most of the cast to sell new toys so I was prepared for the worst. I said "if they kill percy, tracks or rumble on screen I will Lose it" BUT GUESS WHAT. PERCY AND RUMBLE LIVE, THEY ACTUALLY SURVIVE ALL THAT SHIT. LETS FUCKING GOOOO no idk where tracks is but hey I'll take 2/3

they still absolutely vaporize my wife though. that was a thing that happened. rip starscream you beautiful queen hope I'll see you again bcus till the end you were the funniest mf. ruthless too, he threw TC and SW under the bus just so he could also throw megs out to his death. like bitch that was your trine. Iconic truly.

anyway can't wait to start s3 so I can see the og cyclo nus in action.

[alterboyx]

Incredible punk community story I learned today

I meet a farmer selling a ton of heirloom tomatoes and some vegan no bake goods, at the Pagan Gathering (can’t call it the Pagan Festival bc the previous runner didn’t put it on AND stole the name but that’s other drama).

Anyways. Teaches me about all of them. On a whim, I ask her to do a video with me telling me about the different tomatoes, and doing taste tests. She agreed! I think it turned out really well.

Afterwards we chat a bit more and she mentions she’s in a punk band. I’m like holy shit what band? And she names. Well. A band I used to be in. Playing the instrument I used to play! Literally my replacement.

She also just met my other ex-band band just the other day, and mentioned that the guitarist of it was also in her band before and I’m like.

Huh. That’s uh. That’s definitely not true. Bc when I formed my new band, we started getting popular locally, and the old band I had left kept trying to get us to do a show with them. They asked me about it, and when I was uncomfortable with it, they were actually very supportive.

We had talked about that band plenty, and talked about the only other band she’d been in since she moved to the state.. but I just say huh weird. Not tryna start shit. She also says she might have remembered it wrong.

I’m on edge bc I left both bands for being treated like shit, and I’m worried about what they tell other people in the community. Turns out there was a wee bit of shit talked but not by name and she saw through it.

Well, she’s lived a hell of a life so far. It’s not just her farm, or the community spaces she runs. She joined a band offhand before even knowing bass, and then immediately going on tour with them - with no songs prepared! - and they were purely random improv! Insane.

Last year, she goes to a very beloved antifa dive bar we all frequent. She goes to see a band called Pussy Maggot, which she assumes is going to be a badass punk girl band based on the name. Instead, a bunch of white guys wearing fake afros get up on stage!

She’s like well, fuck these guys. They start rough housing and shoving each other - until they throw one guy into her that SHATTERS HER LEG.

So, she has to have all these metal rods put in. She can’t really walk for a year. Gets depressed as hell. Meets the singer of her current band and they hit it off, he tells her she should join!

She’s in her 40’s, wheelchair bound, asks the singer (23 now I think?) what the hell they’re talking about. Singer is like so what it’s fucking badass join on!

So she did. I know at least one other bass player dropped out after me, so she is #3+. I’m anxious and admittedly still hurt from my experiences with the previous band, but she takes ZERO shit and gives zero fucks so they can’t push her around or bother her. It sounds like they also have grown and sorted some shit out, which I’m glad to hear.

Anyways. Fuck Pussy Maggot, and all hail two spirit farmers with metal legs who slay on bass. 🤘🎸

[sheinthatfandom]

FLIPPY ENTRANCE ME LIKEY!!!!!

This video BIIIIIITCH

god now I wanna go play assassins creed lol

I know Kenny had to have a hand in this

Wait I gotta watch that again

We work in the dark to serve the light

God that’s so good!!!!

Man that’s how you sell a game

THAT OUTFIT!!!!!!! Biiiitch!!!!

Mjf wtaf lol I can’t

Is the crowd dining to mjfs music it’s just instrumentals

I don’t like wills face he looks unsure

I would say the guys carrying it out are breaking the code but the whole flag is against the flag code

There’s eagles on mjfs feet Omg I can’t lol

I would love it if Will could win without the tiger driver

omg okay camera man I see you and the way will spread his knees and arched his back ohhh who was THAT for.

I hope fic writers were inspired by that shot.

I hope someone giffed that

I mean you can’t flip

That was a better flip and he actually stole that from swerve the Spanish fly on the floor

Ooh maxs ass hanging on the ropes it’s like an inviting meal yummers

Mjf has excellent mat sense I agree but also counter argument I want him to lose

Who stole the ring? Or is max lying or did fletcher steal it ohhhhh or was it Davis? Oh oh orrrr was it adam Cole? Wait no I got it DANNY STOLE THE RING! Yes that’s what I want

I love how it’s obvious that he’s struggling with the tiger driver like will he won’t he and so commentary can react to it and speak on it cause not everyone watches like we do and so nuance is lost on the male watchers

If he loses by count out -__-

Bryce showing max look hes here

The crowd cheering Ospreay driving max crazy

Our brains match so much when max said god bless America my husband and I continued with land that I love lmaoooo

Oop camera man is dead

Undies matches socks how nice

Bryce misses everything

WILL CAUGHT HIM

Oh never mind

Oh max is crying and now he pushed it down

Hidden blade to max that killed the ref

Fuck max is gonna win the same way as always

DANNY ITS DANNY!!!!!

Danny got that all in check I KNOW THATS RIGHT!!!!

Fuck I hope a ref shows up where’s Aubrey

Oh shit the tiger driver

Danny should get a shot at the belt as a treat

Oh man if max fakes a neck injury after this Will will be broken

YES

AND MOXS/ORANGES BELT IS BACK!!!!

Mjf could probably keep the American one

Be careful don’t pull a punk and break something trying to celebrate with the crowd

[lunarsilkscreen]

Inverse ETF, Reverse Leverage ETF, And Hypothesis

RLE, RLETF, iETF, !ETF

In programming (!) Means [not] when applied to a truthy value, it means the opposite. So !false means true and !true means false. I just wanted to apply that knowledge to stocks.

So !stock means short and !short means stock. (Trying out new explanations for "short". Since it still hard to translate to laymen.)

After the [meme burp squeeze] at least one inverse etf was created that contained all meme stocks. [Link]

It was created because the buy button was turned off, and the stocks had reached an all time high that many suggest were "out of range" and it created an easy instrument to continue shorting the meme stocks (while it was squedging)

If you wonder *why* hedge funds and market makers keep doing what they do, this is why. High demand for a low risk way to short the market. (Hedge funds and MMs take all the risk, so investors don't have to worry about buying their shorts back.)

And it's a financial instrument that *ensures* liquidity of stock.

Inverse Funds can also be purchased for individual stocks, to allow shorting, or at least returns equivalent to *if* a stock was shorted. So a !stock or an iSTOCK is the equivalent of a short, but you don't need to buy the short.

If the market was already skewed to the negative simply from the existence of shorts and puts, then inverse Funds and inverse ETFs, ensure that certain stocks will be heavily undervalued. And gives incentives for market makers, hedge funds, and controlling bank interests to never let the boot up.

Which all but guarantees that an organized group effort can destroy any company they feel like. And that company has *no* recourse to survive *except* through manipulating their own stocks.

[combatting short sellers as a company]

[Overstock.com's war on Short selling]

When a entity has it's sights set on destroying a company through abusing short instruments, it drags the hedgefunds, market makers, and banks through the mud with it. Putting them in a position where they may have no choice but to join the side of the oppressor, simply in order to survive.

So my question here is: Why are the MMs, HFs, and banks allowed to put themselves into a financial situation that can obliterate themaelves if they don't act as the glass cannon against any company that might be targeted in such an attack?

I'm not saying that bad companies should be propped up or bailed out. I'm saying; banks shouldn't be part of the collateral damage if a company in such a position survives.

These inverse financial instruments actively put the banks and MMs at incredibly high risk, and the people allowed to pull the levers to put them in such danger don't have to assume any of the risk themselves.

I know I've talked a lot of shit about banks, market makers, and hedgefunds doing this on their own. But it's clearly not the case based entirely on the existence of these instruments that don't allow investors to really understand the risk they're taking. (Because they're risking market stability, which ultimately bears the *whole* burden.)

The same risk isn't assumed with a typical instrument, or calls, or even leveraged ETFs as is assumed through a single inverse instrument or short.

And when the market is put at risk, as well as HFs, MMs, and the banks, through a single naive investor buying into these instruments, that seems to imply that the entire market is intended to blow up regularly.

I'm not saying negative sentiment instruments *shouldn't* exist. I AM saying that these particular instruments need to be re-thought out from the ground up before we risk the economy for our retirement.

I mean: can't have a retirement if there is no economy. 🤷‍♀️

[unhingedwomandiaries]

Well, fuck me sideways with a protractor – I just fell down a rabbit hole of American educational fuckery that makes Brexit look well-organized. It started with this YouTube video of an American showing her Italian husband a back-to-school supply list, and Christ on a calculator, what a shitshow.

This poor bastard's discovering that American teachers have to beg parents for whiteboard markers like they're Oliver Twist asking for more gruel. But the real cherry on this shit sundae? A fucking TI-83 calculator that costs $108 and is apparently made of unicorn tears because it's NEVER on sale.

Things that give me the ick today:

1. Texas Instruments (calculator mafia cunts).

2. Whoever decided teachers should buy their own supplies.

3. The twats who spent $20M on a lacrosse field.

4. Oliver Twist (for setting unrealistic begging standards).

5. My old math teacher (just because).

Sent the video to my British husband, and his reaction was priceless. "Why isn't it subsidized?" he asks, all innocent like a newborn lamb that hasn't yet learned about capitalism's long dick of disappointment. Bless his socialist heart.

Then I remembered my high school spent $20 fucking million on a lacrosse field. TWENTY. MILLION. DOLLARS. For what? So privileged twats in polo shirts could chase balls around while poor kids couldn't take advanced math because they couldn't afford a calculator that costs more than their mom's weekly food budget?

My biology teacher made $86,000 a year and still couldn't afford classroom supplies. To my parents, that kind of money would've been like winning the lottery without the awkward press conference. They could've retired early instead of working until their souls died. But somehow in America, that salary is barely enough to stop teachers from selling their organs on the black market for dry-erase markers.

If you're poor? Tough titties, mate. No calculator means no advanced math. Here's some Sudoku instead! Nothing wrong with easier math, except oh wait – want to be an engineer? Sorry, peasant, should've been born rich enough to afford our special magic number box.

I googled why calculators aren't subsidized and got the most weaponized bullshit since Trump's last press conference:

- "Not essential goods" (unlike those vital fidget spinners).

- "Market competition keeps prices low" (like fuck it does).

- "Subsidies distort the market" (unlike spending $20M on a grass rectangle).

- "Limited government resources" (laughs in military budget).

They say America doesn't subsidize calculators because they're focusing on "essential services like education and healthcare." HEALTHCARE. Fucking hell, that's like saying you won't buy a fire extinguisher because you're focusing on fire safety.

The truth? America treats its children like defective products in a capitalism factory. Can't afford a calculator? Guess you'll die poor! Want to learn advanced math? Should've thought about that before choosing those parents, you stupid fuck!

[un-local]

5, 12, 23, 25?

Hi anon! Welcome to my inbox :D

Sorry about the late reply lol. These are good questions!

5. Three songs you wish you could forget (because listening to them hurts)

Hmmm…… Honestly, I don’t really have anything like this. I guess maybe only this one?

Too Much Time Together by San Cisco

12. Three favorite songs from video games 

Haha…. YES! Thank you, anon! Thank you!

Rela Cyel (Ring of Fates)

Context: Ancient ruins in a lake are collapsing around the characters, the rooms flooding around them.

God, that brass part really sells the feeling of imminent danger and rising water. This song is everything to me. You have no idea. 

Folsense Theme (Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box)

Another song I learned to play by ear as a kid. Beautiful. It’s just beautiful. 

…That perfect, sad kind of beautiful that settles into your bones and haunts you. In the best possible way. 

Lighthouse (Dead Cells)

Fuck. Yes. I love this song. Play Dead Cells! You like Elden Ring, chances are you’ll like Dead Cells. The entire soundtrack to this game is incredible. 

23. Three songs that never fail to get you pumped up

Floor 25 by Desired 

From my Spotify wrapped game:

Totally infectious beat. Sticks in your head forever. A shot of dopamine and energy, often when you most need it. What a perfect guitar riff. Makes you feel like nothing can stop you. 

Edamame by bbno$, Rich Brian

I am not immune to the instrumental of this song. I am very susceptible to it, actually.

Hmmm…. As for a third, I’m struggling. 

Lately, it’s been Nottingham Lace by Buckethead.

I'd suggest you listen to the full thing on this one. Give it a shot!

He goes pretty weird in the first two minutes, but don’t click away! Let him do his thing—the three minute mark hits, and it’s everything you ever wanted in a guitar instrumental and more. It all comes together perfectly. The song as a whole feels like I’m watching a “how it’s made” segment on like, a textile factory or something. (It starts out harsh, evoking machinery, but it weaves together into something intricate and mesmerizing….) 

Doubtful that’s the artists intention, but when has that ever stopped me XD

Ugh, that part from 3:56-4:04. That shit makes me feel something, man.

ANYWAY. Top 10 songs to vial chemicals to. 

Vialing batches of those ^^^ while listening to this song… it’s made my shifts 10000% less miserable. 10/10, Thank you Buckethead <3

25. Three favorite songs of 2017

Oh, I had to hunt through my YouTube likes for this! Here’s a glimpse of some of the stuff I listened to IN 2017… but I don't think they're all from 2017, necessarily.

Tantalization by Sim Gretina. 

THE ultimate vaporwave/future funk song. To me. It's that, and Cherry Pepsi by Saint Pepsi. (and We Bad by Childhood.)

Soul on Fire by Mystery Skulls. 

I love a song with a part where everything but the beat drops out for a moment. I really do. 

Don’t Stop! by FIBRE. 

Found this in a Fallout 4 mod. It got me into future funk. 

And, as a bonus, since I took so long answering:

Wham Vs. Linkin Park - Everything Numb Wants by Sim Gretina

In the big text, because of all the songs I've listed, this is the one you should listen to XD

Sorry I kept you waiting anon! Thanks for the ask!

[quantumshamana]

Instincts

content warning: childhood sexual abuse

Well, shit.

My instincts are my superpower.

As a child I was trained very hard not to trust my instincts, but my instincts are pretty strong and when I listen to them good things happen.

As it turns out, I'm sad when I ignore my instincts. My desires are telling me the things that I need. A cat. Marijuana. Musical instruments.

I see repeating numbers constantly. It fascinates me. They give me comfort. I haven't quite known what to make of them. I've been taking them as an indication that I'm being guided down the right path by some spiritual entity, but what if it isn't that?

What if the numbers do mean that I'm going down the right path, but it's simply my instincts and how they are detecting whether or not I'm proceeding down the path I need to go down.

This implies a lot about the world. First, that there's even a path to be guided down. Second, that you can find it. Third, it means that humans do have some form of extrasensory perception, which feels absolutely WILD to type let me tell you.

Somehow, it's related to how my brain makes sense of the world. It is the interface through which my instincts are speaking to me. The numbers are standing out to me because they are important. I'm not going crazy; this is just how I interpret the world.

I've been living my life as if my instincts are wrong, as if I am wrong. About literally everything that I think. But that's the wrong mindset.

The pick-up artist dudes from the late oughts, who, in spite of their problematic-at-the-time attitude towards woman, were right on a few things. They always said to assume attraction. I've long felt that this could be because when you assume things through the lens of attraction, you act differently. If the reality that you live in is a reality that this woman you're talking to is overwhelmingly into you then you'll behave differently than if you are in a reality where a woman is just not into you. It won't change the other person's desires if they aren't ever going to give you a shot, but in those cases where it could go either way it will absolutely give you an edge.

My instincts keep telling me things that feel weird. To get high and record my thoughts and sell them. To start a religion. To stream my day-to-day existence online. That things with my current romantic partner are temporary. I need to accept these things I feel rather than fight them because they are how my brain wants to interact with the world. I was trained to ignore my instincts because...reasons? I have no idea what my early childhood was like, but the indications I"m getting aren't great. Christianity was all about ignoring the body, and that's before you add in the negative training about my body from the molestation.

As a teenager I had a strong desire for a girlfriend and I was incredibly frustrated and depressed because I didn't know how to go about getting one. I approached girls constantly as my family traveled from city to city and got rejected every time. Because it happened every time, I began anticipating the rejection. I had assumed that because it wasn't changing that I wasn't improving and I was just bad at it.

I did not understand the some skills take longer than others. The idea that I'm not going to understand something quickly means that I should give up on it seems like an idea conceived by an immature consciousness. I know cognitively that this isn't true and can point to many occasions where practicing something I was bad at led to positive outcomes. The fact that I believe this on a deep level implies that this was something I decided was true about the world at a very young age.

If I hadn't gotten discouraged and had continued to pursue these girls I met, I would have figured it out. I had a core belief at the time that because it wasn't improving at all that I wasn't meant to do it.

I really want to tell my teenage self that all it meant was that I didn't need to approach them that way. Cold approaches are very hard and I didn't even understand how to form friendship. I was trying to do a black diamond when I hadn't conquered the bunny hill.

The reason I'm dissatisfied with the women that I wind up with is that I instinctually understand that they do not have what I'm looking for.

I learned very early on as a small child that following my desires always ended in disaster. Following my desires was meant to be avoided at all costs and it was good to spend as much energy as possible fighting those desires. This is not meant to be a core belief.

This is likely something ingrained into me in early childhood and so deeply that I thought that it was a core directive. Following my instincts as an adult is how I find happiness.

That is why my subconscious has been pushing me to embrace my instincts, because they are good and I understand how to use them. They can lead me to the things that I desire. It's why I felt shitty during a business deal I got into a few years back. This dude was paying me to do some work for him and telling me these amazing things. His checks cleared and I had no reason to doubt him but I felt in my gut that he couldn't be trusted. And in the end he screwed me over. My instincts were right.

As an adult, my instincts are the key to my success and I need to follow them. They are my cheat codes and my superpower.

I really do see things that other people don't see. That doesn't mean that I'm crazy, it means that I have an advantage. Time to start taking advantage of it.

[conkreetmonkey]

I mean, look, he can crash on my couch for as long as he needs, ok? I just have a few ground rules I need explicit verbal confirmation he intends to respect, I've been burned before:

Smoke outside, and put the butts in a can instead of just dropping them on the ground. This one's non-negotiable. If I catch him smoking indoors, I'm confiscating any cigs I can find and selling them to the homeless.

Don't eat ALL my snack foods, and abide by any labels I stick on things. I'll cook dinner most nights (if admittedly just as an excuse to get some vegetables into him), but breakfast and lunch are on you to prepare, and again, don't eat EVERYTHING unless you're willing to chip in on groceries. Eating everything will result in labels. I've dealt with this shit before ok, don't push it. I get you're not exactly the smallest guy, and I don't want you to go hungry, but like food isn't free dude, just be fair and ask first if you're unsure. You have a reputation about this sort of thing, so I've got eyes on.

SHOWER AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK, HAIR WASH MANDATORY, AND HAVE ONE BEFORE COMING IN FOR THE FIRST TIME. I do NOT want an Algernon-shaped grease stain on my couch.

Wear at least a shirt and pants when I have friends over. Like, we're both adults, I'm fine with undies and above when we're home alone so long as you're fine with seeing that from me, just keep a barrier of fabric between your orifices and my furniture and we should be fine, but some of my friends are more sensitive than me, so cover up when they're over. If you bring friends over, make sure they behave or I'll kick you both out. I have numerous blunt instruments stashed in undisclosed places, ok, if I find out one of your buddies has swiped my wallet or something I'm rearranging their teeth.

Interested? We can discuss some of this, but the smoking, the showering and the clothes-wearing are not negotiable. I won't charge you rent because quite frankly I'm bored and lonely as hell, but if you break anything you're paying for it, and like I'm not kidding about the food dude, if I come home to an empty fridge on day one I'm Uncle Philing you out the door and changing the locks.

There's a reference image I had of his torso that I didn't really like anymore so I guess these doodles will replace that.

[perpetual-fool]

-

I've been thinking about the tuning pegs on my viola. I don't like them, in principle. I also don't like all the alternatives, and I'm wondering why I should feel any way about anything.

Practically speaking, I just need to set it up properly. It was cheap. The pegs and peg holes have to have a matching taper for there to be enough friction to hold the strings, but not so much that you can't turn the pegs. That's manual work and it just wasn't done. I sort of half did it, since it's completely non-functional out of the box. Partly I didn't know what I was doing, got scared and stopped when things started looking weird. And in part I had the wrong (poor quality) tools. My peg shaver (looks like a manual pencil sharpener) is for violin pegs, not viola. I ruined a peg last night, being too small, and had to carve a new one out of some scrap wood I had lying around. It's not pretty but I do have one well-fit peg now. It's still not great. Friction pegs just kinda suck. I mean, if they did the job well then surely mechanical tuners wouldn't be anything more than a novelty. I'm inclined to fall for 'just as good' arguments, thinking everything would be magically perfect if I could just figure out the right way to do it. But yeah, no. I did a good job on this, this is just how they are. That one fine turner instruments always have is proof enough.

But I saw this new tuning system that enthralled me for a bit. (Actually that's what got me thinking about this.) There's these tuners by NS Design where you just kind of shove the string in the hole, turn the screw, and that's it. You can even take the string out and just put it back in quickly and easily, it's great. It's a bit big though. I was trying to puzzle out how it worked, but remembered that patents are public. You can just look up the whole thing on a government website. (Aside, their search function is really nice. It's sort of the antitheses of what I've been lamenting about elsewhere at places that just want to sell you shit. Like, the other day I was trying to look up cases for viola bows, specified my results to the "musical instruments" category. And Amazon un-specified it to "all" and gave me a shit ton of results for hunting bow cases, despite actually fucking having actual fucking music bow cases on their stupid fucking website. Anyway;) So, I'm looking at the patent drawings and I'm just not feeling it anymore? It takes up a lot of space. It requires a couple precision parts. It's not 'elegant'. Does it have to be elegant? What would that even entail?

So then, aesthetically, I'm lost. I guess it's like, this object is for making pretty noises. There's this necessary but ugly thing hanging off it that doesn't make pretty noises. And I want some kind of platonic ideal instrument where the strings just float in the air and are tuned by force of will. And having a magic hole for the strings to disappear into is a big step towards that. But it's not just a magic hole, there's levers and screws and mechanical bullshit down that hole. So do I want mechanical elegance? Do I want an efficient mechanism that makes the magic happen with barely a handful of parts? I was mulling over the idea of a 'headless' acoustic (which would be a challenge), and the simplest solution to holding the strings would be a screw. Like, on the non-tuning end, the strings are held by being pinched under a screw. But screws are UGLY and they'd add WEIGHT and then it would require TOOLS to change the strings. And there's just an endless string of impossibly incompatible 'requirements'.

Why am I like this? Is this even 'me', or just bullshit I've been conditioned with? Maybe I should do things 'wrong' on purpose, build shit crudely with the cheapest hardware store parts I can find.

Yeah there's something here. 'Have-to's are imposed by others. Do I really even know myself if I don't know how I feel about things? Why do I even do things? I don't have fun you know. Enjoyment is sparse, petty, and fleeting. Everything sucks and it's an endless struggle to un-suck it. Would I be happy once things are sufficiently un-sucked? Maybe. I do tend to feel pretty okay right after figuring something out. Sure, let's go with that. For now, I will make it my personal quest to un-suck anything within my domain. I'll wake up and think "what can I un-suck today?". I will look at the situation at hand and consider, "how can this be un-sucked?"

And a little more seriously, there's one thing I have that makes me feel a little bit happy. A sharpening stone. A Shapton Glass 500 grit, top of the line, virtually perfect for what it is. I've studied sharpening more than anything else. It took me years to arrive at that conclusion, as expensive as the stone is I've spent that much many times over experimenting, getting stones I thought were the penultimate choice.

So I should obsess, stay focused on one thing until it's done. accept the cost when it gets expensive. (Ya' know, if feasible.)

(I lost track of what my point was.) Is there a meaningful answer to "why should I feel..?" Like, either I just do feel that way, or someone has tricked me. right? Say, if I'm supposed to feel that putting mechanical tuners on the instrument is bad because it makes it too heavy, either I concur based on my own experience and judgment, or I'm being manipulated. So, I'm confused, I've never been able to feel my feelings unadulterated, and I need to find myself?

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #173

Have you ever had a sexually gay experience? Yes.

Do you find any of your friends hot? Yeah, I'm not really shy about this, especially with my female friends. You can find someone physically attractive but not pursue them romantically or truly sexually.

Are your legs freshly shaven? No. As my legs are getting stronger though, and I'm losing weight and just moving more comfortably, I might start doing it again soon-ish. I'm just so, SO self-conscious of how dark and hairy my legs are, but I don't want to hide them my whole damn life. I simply do not have it in me to be confident as a hairy woman, blame society on that one. Anyone seeing them right now mortifies me.

Does your best friend wear glasses? Yes, otherwise he's blind as shit like me lmao

Have you ever woke up crying from a bad dream? Yes, this is extremely normal, especially with my nightmares/terrors.

Who knows more about you: online friends or offline? Online by fucking far. I'm so much more open about myself with people online.

Does your family own any land? No.

Who is the oldest sibling in your family? Katie.

Are you close to any of your aunts/uncles? No; not because I don't want to be, they just live primarily in New York and Ohio and I've only seen the ones I still associate with a couple of times. I don't remember my dad's sister at all, and my mom's sane brother is someone I also only have faint memories of; I was particularly close to his wife when I visited, she helped me through a panic attack.

When was the last time you were in a hospital? March 2022.

Do you plan on losing weight any time soon? I've been in a veeeeeeeeeeery slow process of massive weight loss, but now that my hypothyroidism is adequately medicated and I'm being more attentive than ever with what I eat and drink, + exercising some, I've been losing weight again. It's way slower than I want, but I know slower is better anyway.

What do you think of people who get drunk every weekend? It doesn't seem very responsible, however so long as they're not operating machinery like cars and not hurting themselves nor others, adults can do what they want.

Are you looking forward to anything? I don't know what yet, but yeah; Girt's mom wants to plan a family thing to do, which always includes myself and Mom, and I absolutely always love doing family stuff with them. I've been really emotional lately over how ignored me and ESPECIALLY Mom are by both my sisters, and the more I do stuff with my boyfriend's fam and feel actually wanted, it makes the realization of how unwell things really are in my immediate family hurt much worse.

What was the last bad news you heard? Well I've learned our landlord has been mentioning to Mom the possibility of her selling the house, which would kick us clean out of it, so that's cool. I should mention us moving in here was her idea, by the way.

What was your GPA in high school? I know it was over 4.0, but not the exact decimal number.

Do you require a lot of private time? Absofuckinglutely, that's how I refresh and am able to be a tolerable person to be around.

Do you know how to play any odd instruments most people can't play? No.

Have you ever had a parasite before? omfg no I'd rather fucking die. I've had ticks on me before, but nothing internal, and ticks never stayed on long because I've always been horrified of them so I got them off immediately.

Have you ever been punched in the face before? No, I've never been punched at all, and I'd like it to stay that way.

Are there regular trains in and out of your town/city? Yes. It's certainly not a major train station, but it exists.

Do you bathe your pets regularly? No; none need that. I recently did give Venus a soak for the very first time because she shed very poorly (I struggle SO FUCKING BAD with maintaining humidity in that terrarium) and I was so proud of her, she did excellent and even seemed to enjoy it; I'm sure the extra hydration was great for her, too. She behaved so well, especially with loosening her eye caps; snakes generally aren't big on their heads being touched, and that goes for Venus too, but there wasn't a single hiss or anything out of her.

What was the last animal you saw, and was it a pet? I can see Roman (cat) snoozing in the doorway.

Who was the last person you messaged on Facebook? Girt's sister Ashley.

When was the last time you saw them? A few weekends ago.

Where do you see yourself in a year? Hopefully employed (this is what I want more than anything else), maybe living with Girt. I hope I'm much healthier/fitter.

[TW: OVERDOSE/SUICIDE] Do you know anyone who has overdosed? Well yeah, me, but obviously it didn't take me out because I got help fast enough. I know at least one person (but I think more) who died of it, but I'm certain I know multiple people who have attempted. It is sadly a very common way out of life.

Where are your siblings as of now? I know my older sister is on vacation with her family; Nicole's either at home or there with Ash, I feel like she was planning on going where Ash did, too. Maybe for only a day or something, idk, I'm never in the fucking loop of what my sisters are doing.

Have you ever lost anyone close to cancer? Anyone emotionally close to me, no humans, but I've lost pets to it, most horrifically in Cali's case because the tumor (I can't recall what cancer) ruptured and was basically crushing her lungs. Dale died of like... thyroid cancer or something, I can't recall, and it's definitely possible that Teddy had something cancerous going on at the time of his death, but I'm not sure on that. His situation was mostly age and definitely something neurological when the seizures started. My rat Tezzeret was euthanized due to cancer in one of his eyes. I ALMOST lost my mom to cancer, she's had it twice and the second go was a literal fucking hair from terminal, but she's impressing absolutely everyone - even her doctors - with how well she's managed. She's strong as a goddamn ox.

Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? Yeah, multiple friends of mine are.

When was the last time you got a shot? ugh when I had my last wisdom tooth taken out; they gave me numbing shots of course, but I'm very convinced this dentist went a bit too hard or SOMEthing, like he made me stretch my jaw open as much as I could before doing the injections, and it took MANY days for my jaw in that area to stop hurting, like it was affecting my ability to open my mouth and eat.

Have you ever been into a car accident? Yes, and ever since then I've been terrified of cars/driving. It was only my mom's driving skill and quick thinking that saved us from flipping over and the accident being far worse, apparently.

When was the last time you spent over $100 in one transaction? What did you buy? Around a month ago when I got my tattoo finished.

Are you a breakfast person? Yes, I don't understand how some people regularly go without it.

What type of books do you like to read? Young adult fantasy, especially when animals or mythical creatures are involved.

How do you get rid of hiccups? Literally no method works for me; I've had hiccups for over a straight hour on multiple occasions, they don't fucking stop when I start.

Do you have any healthy addictions? Not really, that I can think of.

Do you pay much attention to speed limits while driving? When I did drive, yeah, I did. I didn't fuck around with driving safety.

Which parent was more strict when you were growing up? Mom, in all honesty Dad did basically nothing to truly raise us.

Have you ever watched The Golden Girls? Yes, I absolutely love that show. Mom would watch it a lot while I was growing up so I've liked it a long time.

Do you like getting dirty? No, it honestly stresses me out.

Are you a very flirty person? Not in general. I flirt with my boyfriend a lot, mostly in a silly and playful way, but if you're not my s/o, I don't flirt.

Who was your favorite babysitter? One of our childhood neighbors that my sisters and I knew as "Uncle Donny," even though he wasn't related to us. He and his wife Janet were the grandparents of a girl named Jennifer, who lived a few houses down from us and was friends with my older sister Ashley, so they would keep us if needed. They were such a sweet family; Janet's been dead (diabetes complications, pretty sure) for many many years, and it's heartbreaking to realize that by THIS point, Uncle Donny probably is too. They were already up there in age, and Donny was never the same after Janet passed.

Do you believe in the death penalty? In very extreme cases where you show literally no interest in changing as a human and have proven you're a genuine danger to the public, yes. The only devils exist on earth, and a person is absolutely able to become one that no longer has the right to be here. I do wanna emphasize though, I am talking EXTREME cases, and those where there are no "maybe"s about their innocence.

Name a person that you can’t stand and tell us why? My somehow-once best friend Colleen, because I have never in my life met a person as hateful and self-important as her. It's embarrassing to even say we were ever friends at any point; we've always been immensely different people, but I guess that's what loneliness does to people, you accept any friendship presented to you.

If you could have a video of one event in your life, what would the video be? I'd love to have a video of my and Girt's first interaction, because I'm actually unsure of what it was and I'd REALLY like to know.

What is the most illegal thing you have ever done? Ridden with a driver that was high, probably. It was one of the scariest moments of my entire life, I was scared to tell her no. If we got pulled over, literally both of us would have gone to jail.

Last person you sang happy birthday to? My niece Aubree.

What form of government do you like the most? (capitalism, socialism, etc.) I can't answer this, I am way too uninformed on these topics, and there are quite a few forms of government. I CAN tell you capitalism isn't the fuckin way though; living in North America, this is one I know the dangers of. I see it and live it.

Is there a song you can’t handle listening to, even though you like it? I physically cannot listen to "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. I fully expect to experience a panic attack. It's a song I don't even let "play" in my head, I can't.

Last time you saw fireworks? A couple nights ago, out the window.

Do you have a black dog? No, she's white and brown.

If you took someone on a tour of your town, what would you show them? Uhhhh... I guess my go-to would be City Lake, which is a small lake obviously with a big fountain and surrounded by a walking path, and there are lots of metal art sculptures around it to check out. There are fishing spots and also some seed dispensers to feed the ducks and geese, which are really prevalent here because they've LOOOOONG since learned they get fed; the waterfowl diversity is my favorite part. The only other place I can think of is the art + science museum we have here. It's not a great museum, like your big, beloved museum destinations make it look like a shitfest, but it's SOMETHING okay, this place sucks lol. Actually after the lake we can go to dinner at Chico's, it's this Mexican restaurant literally right beside the lake alongside the Tar River. Chico's isn't the building itself, it's a big brick building with a high tower for something, I can't remember what for the life of me, it just includes the restaurant, and I always thought their decor was cool.

Have you been to the capital of your state? Yeah, it's only like, 50-ish minutes away, and I've had many doctors located there. Plus I always go to their Cheesecake Factory on my birthday lol

Would you be more in your element camping in a tent or an RV? RV.

[raytorosaurus]

Has literally anyone in the band ever said they dont like danger days?? I've seen some gatekeepers getting on their high horse about how they only played one dd song last night and how the "posers must be fuming" and one specific person tried to argue that the members don't like it. But I physically can't find any evidence of it beyond the tour being a generally shitty time for them?? If anything theres more evidence that they DO like it? Sorry if this is weird or pointless but I can't tell if this person has actual proof or are just pulling shit out of their ass because they don't like danger days lol

UGH. im on mobile rn so im not gonna link to specific interviews but they all love the album and talked a lot about how proud they were of it when it came out, and how writing it was actually a very fun and harmonious process. it was controversial in the fan base at the time of its release (partly because of the major aesthetic change the band underwent, partly bc it was pretty heavily advertised in a way some fans felt was disingenuous i guess) and it undersold the black parade, and then their world tour following it also didn't sell as well as expected. they even ran out of money to make the third mv they'd planned in the na na na/sing universe, so compared to the black parade it was technically a commercial failure. in hindsight, gerard especially has said that tour was a very bad time mentally. it was certainly hard for both him and frank to be away from their children. but they were never anything but proud of the album itself and made that clear in interviews. the only vague negativity from the band i can think of was when frank did a lengthy interview for...i believe ap? in late 2020, where he spoke about his whole career, and touched on the breakup of the band. he mentioned being disappointed that they didn't end up releasing the conventional weapons songs and said he thought in hindsight they should have worked on danger days for a little longer because some of the songs as they are feel slightly incomplete to him, and that was one of his only regrets relating to my chem. The ONLY other thing is an offhanded comment their producer, rob cavallo, made when speculating potential reasons for the breakup, when he said that maybe in hindsight he thought frank was struggling to find parts to play on danger days. but frank himself never confirmed that (he actually made a point of saying there was no tension between him and ray during dd), and in my opinion his guitar parts are much more interesting and less sparse on most danger days songs than they are on most conventional weapons songs, so i'd take it with a grain of salt. i think the gritty simplicity of cw is just kind of more to frank's taste than the more instrumentally conceptual sound of dd, so offhanded comments he's made about that have stuck in people's minds as negativity towards the album maybe.

i for one am very grateful we got to hear conventional weapons in the end because some of those songs are up there among my very favourite mcr songs, but im inclined to agree with what the band said over and over again at the time that scrapping cw as an album to release danger days instead was definitely the right choice. it sounds cliche to say but it was definitely a bit ahead of its time. if my chem had come back from the hiatus with an album that was just a collection of really good songs, and not an actual event with a concept and aesthetic and clear thematic thread, i think it would have been a disservice to the band's core mission statement, which was always to be subversive and unexpected, and to lean into the weird and take the risk even if it meant being misunderstood. conventional weapons is great, and it even kind of addresses some themes similar to danger days (dissolusionment with the state of the music industry, life in that side of LA etc) but it does it without any of the grandiose metaphor and pageantry and uniting aesthetic that's gerard's biggest strength and a huge appeal of the band, yk? anyway. it's fine to not love danger days of course, everyone has their opinions, but it annoys me to see people putting words in the band's mouth. "that was a bad time in our lives" =/= "we don't like that album we created together." also they've played sooo much dd at other shows...you don't see anyone going around saying they hate bullets when they've played entire shows this tour with zero bullets songs on them 🙄🙄