#I should get an actual birdbath for out there

[thebibliosphere]

Birbbath.

[literatecowboy]

Gasolina y Adrenalina

The 141 break into your house. Whoops! A Gaz x F!Reader fic Warnings: violence, guns, human traffickers, eventual smut, home invasion, fast as fuck cars, dead parents, angst, misunderstanding to lovers

1. A Little Less Boy Next Door, A Little More Home Invader

“...okay, I have an address for you.” Laswell’s voice crackled through Price’s comms. He sat forward in the driver’s seat of the stolen sedan, making Ghost glance at him from the passenger’s seat. 

“Direct me,” he said, one hand leaving the wheel as he passed Ghost the small, handheld GPS. As Laswell recited coordinates, Gaz sat forward in the backseat. 

“What should we expect to walk into?” he asked, concern in his voice as he glanced over at Soap, who was bleeding and half-conscious in the seat beside him. 

“Old mentor of mine from the CIA. He’s been retired for a while but is always willing to lend a hand. I tried calling ahead, but there was no answer. I have on good authority there’s a key hidden at the base of the birdbath in the front yard.” Laswell said. 

“Captain Walker? I haven’t seen him since he walked without a cane and his daughter was little. It’ll be nice to see him again, despite the circumstances.” Price said.

The GPS settled on a route, and Price pushed down harder on the gas pedal as they hurdled across the night. 

—

You couldn’t sleep. 

As shuffled through the living room on your way back from the kitchen to get a glass of water, a glint of light caught your eye. Your heart broke all over again as you reached on top of the fireplace and gathered the simple urn containing your father’s ashes in trembling hands. 

You’d picked him up earlier that day. At least now he’d be able to be beside your mother once more. 

You put his urn back into its place, scooting it closer to your mother’s. Being alone in the world was suffocating. A car wreck had snuffed him from existence just two weeks ago and you could still hardly stomach your new reality. 

In less than a month your life had collapsed. Your fiancee was the first to leave, along with most of your former friends. You’d lost your job, your apartment. And after moving back in with your father, you’d lost him too. 

You padded back to your room, the great weight that you carried seeming to become even heavier. As you slipped into bed once more, you shut your eyes and tried to shut out the world. 

A noise pierced the darkness. Your eyes cracked open as two car doors slammed outside. The sound of male voices, indistinct and far away, drifted through your open window. 

You sat up and swung your legs over the bed, foregoing your slippers this time. If the cops found your dead body stuffed into your dad’s old novelty fish slippers, you’d be embarrassed. Crossing the room in an instant, you flung open your closet. 

You had a shotgun loaded and were halfway down the stairs in the blink of an eye. Even though he was gone, you were still your father’s daughter. 

You tensed as the sound of a key slotting into a lock echoed from the front door. There was a twist, then a click, and the door swung open. Coyotes began to yap and yowl in the distance. They were chasing prey. 

Boots clomped across your threshold and your breath caught in your throat. This had never actually happened before. You made it to the bottom of the stairs, silent as a kangaroo rat, and took a deep, shaky breath. The boots kept clomping toward you. You rounded the corner and aimed the shotgun at the head of the boots’ owner. 

“One more step and I’ll-”

He grabbed the gun, forcing the muzzle up toward the ceiling and slammed you back into the wall, knocking your head into a picture frame and sending it to the ground where it shattered. You wailed in pain, the fight leaving your body as you tried to slide free from his grasp, letting go of your shotgun. Your assailant tossed it aside and pinned you to the wall by your wrists. 

“Who are you?” he yelled as you shied away from him, not daring to look him in the face. 

“Just take what you want and leave!” you wailed, tears falling from your eyes as you did your best to squirm away from him. 

“Where’s Captain Walker?” he shouted. 

“Dead!” you screamed, your vision blurring as your knees gave out. The man holding you to the wall let go of you and you collapsed to the ground, sobbing into your hands. 

“Gaz, what’s going on?” a voice echoed through your entryway. Another man joined the one who’d pinned you. You shied away as he knelt beside you. 

“Came at me with a shotgun. Says Captain Walker is dead. Don’t know what to make of her,” Gaz said, picking up the shotgun he’d tossed aside before clearing the chambers. 

“It’s alright, love. Not going to hurt you,” the other man said. He offered a hand but you didn’t take it, wiping the tears from your eyes to take them in. As the second man got a good look at your face, recognition flashed across his features. 

“I’ll be damned. You’re Walker’s daughter, aren’t you?” he asked. You nodded stiffly, your eyes snapping to the doorway as a large man came in, a second man in his arms. 

“I’m sorry to barge in on you like this. We were expecting your father. Has he…passed?” the man asked, drawing your attention back to him. You heard the door shut and lock in the entryway. 

“Two weeks ago,” you said, your voice breaking as tears rushed into your eyes again. “Who are you? What do you want with my dad? Why did you break into my house?” you asked, sniffling as indignation began to seep into your voice. 

“I’m an old friend of your father’s. He offered this place as a refuge should any of his friends ever need it. I have a man hurt and we need a place to lie low for a little while.” he said. You stood shakily, looking around your living room at the chaos. 

“The damage is…done. But I want proof. Who are you?” you asked. 

“John Price of the SAS. I can put you in contact with a former subordinate of your father’s to confirm everything. Do you know Kate Laswell?” Price asked as he stood with you. 

“Laswell. I…never called her,” you breathed. Price’s brow furrowed. “After he passed.” you explained. He nodded. 

“I’ll take care of that. Right now, rest. You’ve had an eventful night,” Price said, turning to Gaz. “Can you help get her settled?” he asked. You flinched as your gaze met Gaz’s. He nodded, and as Price stepped away to help tend to his wounded, he approached. 

“I’m sorry, love. You gave me quite the fright there,” he said with a small smile, offering his hand. You took it reluctantly. 

“You scared me too,” you said, unable to meet his eyes as he lead you into the kitchen. 

“I am sorry. Don’t quite know what to say, if I’m honest. I’ve never mucked up a first impression on a woman quite so badly,” he said, pulling a chair at the kitchen table out for you. The lights in the house had been turned on and you watched as he snagged a few bags of frozen peas from your freezer. 

“It’s not the worst first impression I’ve ever had of a man,” you offered after a minute to break the silence. 

“There’s a story there,” Gaz said as he settled the peas onto your bruising wrists. 

“My financ-- ex fiance and I met when he collapsed on my desk at work and threw up on my brand new shoes,” you said, unable to stop the giggle that slipped from your lips. Gaz laughed, returning to you with a glass of water. 

“Christ, that’s horrendous. Was he drunk?” he asked, pushing the glass into your hands. 

“Nope. I used to work at a pharmacy in a hospital. He came to pick up medication after being discharged, but apparently wasn’t ready to go yet,” you said, picking up the glass in a shaking hand. As soon as you’d downed it, you rose. 

“I’m going to get some rest,” you said, turning to go. 

“Are you sure you don’t need anything else?” Gaz asked, surging forward to be at your side. You flinched, doing your best to keep the peas balanced on your wrists. 

“No. Thank you,” you said, offering a wry smile as you headed for the stairs. 

As soon as you were out of sight, Gaz sighed. There was a weak chuckle from the living room and he caught Soap’s eye. 

“Ye think she’s bonnie, don’t ye?” he teased weakly. Gaz felt blood rush to his face and his ears felt hot. 

“You’re on pain meds, mate. Noticing things that aren’t there,” he said. He fiddled with the shells he’d taken from your shotgun absentmindedly, sitting down on the couch that was the furthest away from Soap. 

“It’s true, though, she is bonnie. Almost as bonnie as you, LT,” Soap slurred, his hand coming to rest on Ghost’s thigh. Ghost merely stood, glaring down at the Scot before going to sit beside Gaz. 

“Tough crowd,” whined Soap.

—

You woke the next morning to light streaming in through your windows and knocking at your bedroom door. Sleep had hit you hard the night before and you sat up, rubbing your eyes and struggling to adjust to consciousness. Your wrists were sore and the thawed bags of peas had dropped to the ground. The knocking came again

You slid your feet into the fish slippers and padded to the door, opening it and gazing at your visitor. Gaz stood before you, a plate in his hands. 

“Did I wake you?” he asked, stepping back as he took in your sleepy form. You nodded. 

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. You took him in. He was still wearing the clothes he’d been in the night before, sans gear. He was covered in grime and dried sweat and smelled a little. 

“You didn’t shower?” you asked. Gaz paused, taken aback. 

“Suppose we didn’t think to,” he said. You stood in silence for a moment, awkwardness filling the hallway. 

“I made breakfast. I thought you might want some,” he said after a beat, seeming to remember why he’d woken you in the first place. He held out the plate as if in offering to a god - almost timidly, with great reverence. You smiled and took it, snagging a slice of apple from the edge. 

“Of course I want some. Who in their right mind turns down breakfast, even if it is from an intruder?” you asked. Gaz laughed a little and followed you as you left your room, headed for the kitchen table.

The rest of the men seemed to have already eaten, and you noticed that like Gaz, none of them had showered. You cringed internally at the thought of the sweat and grime permeating your furniture. 

“Good morning,” Captain Price greeted as you sat down at the kitchen table, tucking into your food. 

“Morning. You know, if you guys are going to be here, you might as well make use of the entire place,” you said. “I’ve got guest bedrooms - there’s no need to sleep on the couch and the floor. There’s four bathrooms in this house. Go get cleaned up, you can throw your clothes in the wash. My dad’s closet is yours to raid,” you said. 

“Think she’s sayin’ you stink, Ghost,” the wounded man with the Scottish accent wheezed from the corner. You felt heat rush to your face. 

“No, no, nothing like that. It’s just…if you were friends of my dad, then I want to treat you how he would’ve - with open arms,” you said, embarrassed. 

“You dad was a good man, love. I’m sorry to have barged in on you like this. Would’ve left right away had we any other choice,” Price admitted. 

“Honestly? If you’re going to keep waking me up to freshly made pancakes, you can stay as long as you want.” 

—

You dressed after breakfast and brought out some of your dad’s old clothes. The boys had showered one at a time, and much to your amusement, Captain Price seemed to take a liking to your dad’s Hawiian shirt collection. Paired with his boonie hat and a pair of your dad’s cargo shorts, the resemblance was striking and made your eyes misty for a moment. 

When the big man in the skull balaclava left to take his shower, the Scot beckoned you over conspiratorially. You sat beside him curiously, leaning in to hear him as he spoke in a low voice. 

“What do ye think of Gaz, lass?” he asked, a pain medication induced twinkle in his eye. You laughed nervously. 

“He’s…kind of scary, like the rest of you,” you admitted. There was no denying the aura of danger that each of the men in your house radiated. You imagined your father was once the same, but you’d never seen that side of him. You’d never been exposed to his job like this. 

“Between ye and me, he thinks yer bonnie. Don’t tell him I said tha,” the Scot slurred. 

“I don’t know what that means,” you admitted with a laugh. Noticing his bandages had become a little grimy, you stood to fetch your first aid kit. When you returned to him and started removing his old bandages, he wiggled his eyebrows at you. 

“Don’t let Kyle see ye touchin’ me or he’ll be jealous,” he teased. You rolled your eyes. 

“What’s your name?” you asked curiously, focusing on cleaning his wounds and redoing the bandages. 

“Johnny to ye, lass. The big fucker in the shower without me is Ghost,” he pouted. 

“You can clean up if you want to. I’m sure your boyfriend wouldn’t mind helping you,” you said. Johnny’s eyes shot open from where they were half lidded. 

“He’s not my boyfriend!” he cried, startling you. He glanced around, eyes searching the room frantically before they settled back on you. “How did ye know?” he hissed. You closed the first aid kit and shrugged. 

“Just…guessed, I suppose. But don’t worry, my lips are sealed,” you promised. 

You left Soap to his own devices and he fell asleep rather quickly. You went outside to work in your dad’s garden after lunch, wanting some space from the home invaders and some peace and quiet. The hours slipped by, and you reluctantly came inside when the sun slipped below the horizon. 

The fridge, which had been stocked with enough groceries for one, was mostly emptied. You sighed and started making a list of what you’d need to get at the store the next day. The groceries for one had become groceries for five. 

---

[isa-ghost]

Headcanons about qPhil and chronic pain? And maybe how people get him to actually get help?

WOOOO bet :D

qPhil headcanons masterlist

I'd like to note that since Phil doesn't think of qPhil has having chronic pain bc the circumstances of his injuries/pain are different, I don't either. HOWEVER, that bitch still has hella ouched meechos.

There are 100% days where he just cannot get out of bed. It hurts too much to move and even more to stand. He has to be bedridden on his stomach and let his wings breathe and rest, though he's a very restless person and gets very agitated when understimulated.

He tries to power through the pain unless it's a day where Chayanne & Lullah are sleeping all day, then he'll give himself a day off.

Aka Eggza days actually do him some good besides stocking up on cookies for the kids LOL

He HATES that progress/healing isn't linear. It's a little funny to witness bc it's just him being salty as hell. God he is SO pressed about it, what do you MEAN he's not getting better day by day every day so hopefully in a few months he can fly again!! This is bullshit!!

The occasional warm soak in a bath does him wonders. It's a struggle not to flap around in the water like a birdbath though, it's a reflex

He tries to do morning stretches and the like, only doing as much as his wings/back will allow though, just to make sure things don't get worse instead of better

He's trying to ignore the fact that even when he heals enough for flying to be an option, he won't be straight back to it full throttle (he is also salty about this)

He's very intensely Do Not Touch My Wings but Chayanne & Lullah are exceptions. Like I said in another set of hcs, Lullah's wing hugs are everything to him

Someone get him stoned. CBD would do this man wonders pain relief-wise

Tbh he's his own worst enemy sometimes, he's too stubborn to be as lenient on himself as he should be and he just hurts himself more and makes life harder on himself

Often times he just sleeps off the pain if he can, it usually works

Or,, sometimes he eats a couple gapples : )

One thing he'll never do is ice his back to deal with the aches, he'd rather explode. Cold BAD.

Tbh he'd be more willing to rest if he had Missa around to cuddle and chill with him all day during the times he should stay in bed

I'm obligated to joke that Lullah/Missa have joked to him about fixing it with vaporub

[wizisbored]

If you could go back and make one change to any of your fics, would you? And if so, what would the change be?

i do actually go back and change things in fics occasionally - both bugebroph being bilingual and netherborne lydia having ongoing health concerns were retcons. if i havent yet reached a point where it should have already been directly adressed, ill add things like that to the plan and then edit mentions of it into previous chapters. to take netherborne for example - when i realised that given her backstory she really shouldnt be entirely healthy it made sense that it hadnt come up in a substantial way yet because she hadnt been exposed to any obvious causes of infection, shed never seen a real doctor, and shed been on painkillers for a different issue for most of the fic. i was able to add the exploration of that concept to the plan for a future chapter, but then went back and edited in some smaller mentions of her joint pain in previous chapters so it didnt come out of nowhere when i got to the explaination.

i only really like to do that to ongoing fics tho, and add an authors note to the next chapter i publish afterwards noting the changes for any returning readers. once ive finished a fic (on the rare occasion that i do) i tend to leave it alone save for fixing any typos i notice.

so to alter the question slightly to if i would change anything in any of my finished works - im kinda unsatisfied with the last lines of blood in the birdbath. i think i was so excited about actually getting to the end that i didnt take the time to put enough thought into the closing lines. but i dont want to think up what i could change them to, because then it'd just bug me even more.

[egglegg101]

Yes!! This is something I learned through observation when rescuing drowning bees. I'm so glad this is being shared!

Another useful thing to know is that a bee will almost always indicate if it will sting you BEFORE you pick it up. If you have a bee in your hand and it did not stick up its leg before you picked it up, your chances of being stung are basically none so long as you don't do anything to make the bee feel threatened.

Obviously, I don't recommend just picking up random bees; they're doing an important job and we should not interrupt! Also, your average bee will sting if disturbed. The reason I bring this up though is if you happen to have a pool, birdbath, pond, or any other water nearby that bees could get stuck in, it may be useful to know.

Half-drowned bees are much more docile (for obvious and unfortunate reasons), so they are much less likely to sting. More importantly, they can actually benefit from the warmth of your skin as they try to dry off and warm up. Often what I will do is scoop them out of the water with a leaf or pool scoop, and then slowly offer my hand. If they don't raise their leg at my hand's approach, they'll often choose to crawl onto my fingers once they're close enough to do so. At this point, I'd say you're basically guaranteed not to get stung.

If you are holding a wet bee, they might do some things that look like they're about to sting, such as raising their abdomen, which kind of looks like they're about to plunge it down into your skin. That is not how stinging works, and if they've already been on your skin a while there's no reason for them to suddenly sting you, unless you did something threatening to them. Usually when they raise their abdomen like that, they're just moving so they can reach it with their legs to dry it off. You may even see something protrude from the abdomen; this is all part of their drying-off process, and not a reason to startle and shake them off.

My final tip for holding wet bees is to keep your hand raised. For whatever reason, bees seem driven to climb up, so if your hand is held lower than your elbow, they will literally try to crawl all the way to the top of your head. This is not ideal, as you will then have to untangle a bee from your hair, which can fall into the category of "threatening behaviour" to the bee and you may get stung. Bee legs will naturally stick to your hair, so unless you're bald or have a friend or mirror nearby to help you gently remove a bee from your hair, I definitely do not recommend letting bees roam beyond your hand and forearm.

Once the bee has dried itself off, usually after about half an hour, it'll fly away on its own. Congrats, you've helped save the bees, and you haven't been stung!

Source: I've held hundreds of bees in my bare hands at this point, and only got stung twice. (If I had seen this post back then, I would have never been stung at all, so thank you again for sharing).

Also reminder to everyone that you are reading this post on tumblr and as much as I've tried to relay truthful information, this is all based on personal anecdotes and I am not an expert. If you want to rescue drowned bees, further research is recommended. And if you made it to the end, thanks for reading!

TL;DR: the tip in the original post is great for rescuing drowning bees! In my experience, bees benefit from being on warm skin to help them dry off, so being able to tell which bees will sting you will ensure you can provide warmth to the ones that won't (and the ones that will can be rescued with a leaf or some other object). Also, when holding bees, keep your hand raised above your elbow, or else the bees will try to crawl up to your head.

Random bee behavior fact for those who wish to read, just because I feel like it and because it’s late and I’m stalling on sleeping:

Bumblebees may seem like passive, cuddly, and docile creatures, but they won’t hesitate to defend themselves if they feel as if their warnings aren’t being read or taken seriously.

I.e. the photo and diagram below, when a bee feels threatened they will raise one or more of their legs into the air, signaling to whatever or whomever may be bothering them as a message essentiality saying: “hey, back off, too close!”

species pictured: bombus pascuorum, bombus impatiens

If their defensive posture goes unnoticed or ignored, they may be pushed into defending themselves by stinging (which is also a stressful experience for not only one such as yourself, but also for the bee.) If you ever find yourself getting close to a bumblebee while taking pictures, walking close to them, or just admiring them, remember this posture! If a bee does this, it is simply asking you to take a step back as it feels it is being threatened.

Now you can understand and use this knowledge to your advantage if you ever come across one in the future. (Of course, because it’s very hard not to anthropomorphize animals, I do have to admit that they do look pretty cute when doing it. Just remember to respect them though!)

[holdharmonysacred]

@cobblepottery Tell me about the nier church saga, I saw it in passing on Reddit but I don’t understand it

This gets its own post because it’s very long and very special.

Basically there’s a user on reddit named sadfutago who just started posting a month ago, and all of their posts were them writing like a clueless kid trying to ask for help on how you get to the church in the Copied City area of Nier Automata, because they somehow stumbled on the path to it, but their friend couldn’t find it. This confused the hell out of everyone who tried to help, because there isn’t a church in the Copied City, did they get lost trying to find Adam’s boss arena or something? And this back and forth went on for a bit, with them providing cellphone photos of the area they were talking about and a video of them running down the path to a hidden door in a wall before going silent.

Jump to earlier this week, when sadfutago returned with a new higher quality video of them opening the secret door and jumping down a hidden path, which made everyone lose their goddamn minds because that area doesn’t exist in the actual game. The wall with the secret door doesn’t have a door in it in any shipped copy, and multiple attempts of mucking around with debug mode and boundary breaking have confirmed there’s nothing behind that wall. So nobody knows how this kid found this door that should not exist leading to a ladder that should not exist leading to an eldritch hallway that should not exist. Importantly, pretty much all the modders in the scene have confirmed that nobody has the tools and ability needed to make a mod of this scale - the most that people can do is texture and model swaps, not the construction of entirely new areas.

And then the next day sadfutago returned again with a bombshell - video footage of what’s at the end of this Hallway That Shouldn’t Exist. There is indeed a church in whatever the hell sadfutago is playing, with a cutscene that plays on entrance, and it is filled to the brim with callbacks and references to Nier Gestalt/Replicant. There’s a dead body of a young girl with a lunar tear flower on an altar who is clearly supposed to be Yonah, a blocky entity (nicknamed “Bloby”) who appears to be a standin for the Shadowlord, props of Devola and Popola’s staffs on the ground on both sides of the altar, a birdbath from outside of the Shadowlord’s castle, and a treasure chest that requires 9S to hack into the mainframe to unlock. This made this entire community lose their minds, because this area doesn’t exist in the game and should be impossible to mod, so what the hell is this?

And then last night we got two new updates - the first one has sadfutago return to the area as 9S to hack into the chest. Unlocking the chest brought up Yonah’s medical records, which can also be found in the library of the Tower area. It also aggro’ed Bloby, kicking off a fight with an enemy that only shows up during 9S’s mental breakdown in Automata. Sadfutago ate shit and spent the next couple hours trying to beat the fight, with everybody on reddit and discord loudly cheering them on. This led into the latest update, where safutago successfully beat Bloby and started to investigate the birdbath. Investigating the birdbath brought up JP text that translates to the riddle you have to answer to get into the Shadowlord’s castle in Gestalt/Replicant, which safutago supposedly can’t read Japanese and got the answer wrong. If they come back with a new update, we’ll probably see what happens when they get the answer right.

And that’s the cliffhanger we’re stuck at right now. We’ve got a whole supposed secret area that doesn’t exist in any shipped copy of the game, and no idea who sadfutago actually is (since they’re probably not really a Canadian kid who got lost), so everyone is just theorizing and memeing and going bananas over just what the hell this could actually be. There are currently three theories for what’s going on:

Sadfutago is a real person who stumbled on an otherwise dummied-out easter egg. Speculation was that safutago had an extremely early unpatched copy of the game, perhaps even one meant for developers, and stumbled on content that was cut from later versions of the game. This one has grown increasingly unlikely over the past few days as people have poked and prodded and found nothing in Nier Automata proper, and most of the explanations for how this can be true basically revolve around the implausible conclusion of “sadfutago is the one person on the planet with the special copy that has this”. It lingers because it’s the premise of Whatever The Hell This Is and People Want To Believe, but it’s safe to say this is most likely debunked.

Sadfutago is a fake and this is all an elaborate hoax mod. You’d think this would be the case, but as I said earlier, all of the modders have confirmed that nobody has the tech needed to mod something of this scale. The bits of recycled content are a bit suspect, but everything else is far too intricate for Joe Schmoe on the internet to build in their garage, especially given that cutscene intro. If it is a mod, then this is the most advanced mod ever made for the game, and the release of whatever the hell the modder is using to build it would revolutionize the scene.

Sadfutago is a fake and this is all an elaborate marketing ARG built by the game devs for some reason. This is the current most common theory as to what the hell is going on, given that the devs over at Squeenix and Platinum and so on are the only people who have the tools to build something like this. All of sadfutago’s clips end on cliffhangers designed to get the audience to rush to the comments and beg sadfutago to take xyz action to proceed and find the church’s secrets, and it’s definitely got people talking. Yoko Taro and Yosuke Saito have also been playing coy about the whole affair, with (paraphrased) tweets like “Check my profile if you want to know the answer to what this hallway is! (and my profile says I am not allowed to answer questions, go ask my publisher)” and “Eternal mystery...”, which lends some credence to “oh the creators are Up To Something”. The hope with this theory is that it’s going to lead up to some spicy new announcement, like a new Nier game or more Drakengard/Nier remakes, which would be extremely cool if true

Note that basically all endings here are happy endings - if it’s a real easter egg, then sadfutago just found something really really cool. If it’s a hoax mod, then this’ll open the floodgates for some truly bananas mods. And if it’s an ARG leading to something big, then well, that’s its own special treat. Nobody knows what the payoff will be, but by god, the journey to get there is buck wild and worth watching. I’ll make sure to holler once we do get to that payoff point.

[kiddoryder]

Imp-Adventures in Babysitting

Hey guys! I know it’s been a while since I wrote a story. Work has been killing me. Plus, I couldn’t come up with something new to write but now I’m back!

This story is my first Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss crossover fanfics. This would be about the Imps meeting my OC Sonya and Liz for the first time.

So, relax and enjoy a story!

In Imp City, there was an important meeting. Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie and Loona were in the meeting room. Blitzo was drawing some random stuff on the board. 

Blitzo - “Alright everybody listens up! Thanks to the weapons we order thanks to Moxxie, we will able to kill motherfuckers even better and bloodier than before!”

Moxxie - *pleased* “Thank you sir. I have to admit using half of my paycheck was actually worth it. Especially how we were kidnapped by those so-called “Demon Hunters” and basically used all of our good weapons.”

Millie - “I’ll have to admit, it was one of my favorite fights! I've never chopped up so many people in my life.”

Loona - *texting on her phone* “Eh. It was whatever. But the fighting was pretty cool though.”

Blitzo - *excited* “Alright, let's test these babies out!”

Blitzo picked up a gun and was about to use it, but Moxxie quickly stopped him. He took the gun away like a parent taking scissors away from a child.

Moxxie - *sterner* “Sir! We can’t practice inside here. Somebody could get hurt and lose an eye or something.”

Blitzo - “Oh yeah that’s right. Plus, last time you nearly burned my office and killed my new pet Eels Alejandro, Folder, Fish, and Fluffycakes.”

Millie - *confused* “You actually names them?”

Blitzo - “Uh yeah? What was I supposed to call them?” 

Moxxie - *sighs* “Look I said I was sorry about that Sir. How many more time you want me to say it?”

Blitzo - “When I forget. Anyway, where should we practice?”

Millie - “The parking lot?”

Blitzo - “Nah. Too many fucking cars. Plus, I just had my van painted. I don’t want any scratches on it.”

Moxxie - “What about the park?”

Blitzo - “Oh perfect! There are also a bunch of dick holes we can practice our new weapons on.”

()()()()()()()()

At the park, the IMPS was hiding in the bushes.  Blitzo was looking around for targets like a cat. Then he found a perfectly normal looking one sitting on a bench with his girlfriend. Blitzo took out one of his new guns and cocked it. 

Blitzo - “Okay you guys ready for some shooting target practice?”

Millie - “You betcha Boss!”

Moxxie looked over his shoulder to make sure no other demon was looking at them.  

Moxxie - *nervous* "Um sir? Are you sure it’s appropriate to use our new weapons on people?”

Blitzo - *uncaring* “This is hell, Moxxie. Nobody cares if a weirdo gets killed.”

Millie - “He got a point Moxx.”

Moxxie - “But what if it's someone really important?”

Blitzo - *annoyed “Oh what royal fuck comes here?

Moxxie - “Umm maybe Stolas or the other overlords?”

Blitzo - *dismissed* “Oh please they won't come here. Besides, Stolas is with his kid seeing some movie.”

Blitzo then shot the victim and he kneeled in a bush. The girlfriend looked shocked and concerned. 

Millie - “Ooh nice shot sir!”

Blitz - *proudly* “Thanks!”

Moxxie - *sighs* “Oh alright. As long it’s not an important demon.”

Moxxie began to take out a bow and arrow. He began to shoot random demons as well. He even caught one in the eye.

Demon - “‘My eye!”

Millie - “Ooh nice shot Moxxie!”

Moxxie - *happy* “Thanks Honey!”

Blitzo, Moxxie and Millie continued to shoot random demons. They were doing a good job and were happy that the new weapons were working. The best part was that nobody figured out that it was them shooting ransom people. Like Blitzo mentioned before “It’s Hell. Nobody cares.” Then Blitzo said:

Blitzo - *smug* “Watch this! I'm gonna shoot the new sleepy dart with my eyes closed. “

Blitzo closed his eyes and shot the dart gun. The gun ricochets to different things like a bench, flowers, birdbath and then it’s disappeared. Millie and Moxxie looked confused on how it missed someone. 

Moxxie - “Uh sir? I think you missed?”

Blitzo - *opened his eyes* “Oh. Eh well must be a piece of shit, Anyways, who wants lunch?”

()()()()()()()()

Meanwhile, Charlie’s youngest cousin Sonya was on her skateboard heading to her cousin’s hotel for a visit. Sonya was looking down on her phone texting her cousin and finished.  

Sonya - There! Now Cousin Charlie will know I'm coming.”

Then her twin sister Liz came out in shadow form. She was looking a bit annoyed.

Liz - *annoyed* “Ugh, why am I doing the work?”

Sonya - *annoyed* “Dude, you just moved our body so we don’t fall off on my skateboard while I text Cousin Charlie.”

Liz - *whine* “While it took hours!”

Sonya - “It was only a few minutes! Drama Twin. *Then she felt something hit her arm* Ow!! What the-? “

Sonya looked down and saw a dart in her arm. She quickly took the dart out and threw it aside. At first, she was worried if she was getting aimed, but then quickly dismissed it. Demons in hell are always throwing and shooting random things in the street. Not even caring that if it hit people. 

Sonya - “Stupid demons…Always throwing crap around.”

Liz - “At least it was a gunshot.”

Sonya - “True that.”

Then a few minutes later, Sonya started to feel woozy and dizzy. Liz was starting to get worried for her twin. 

Liz - *concerned* “Dude you don’t look so good.”

Sonya - *tired* “I know…I think it was from that dart gun.”

Blitzo was in his van singing along to Mustang Dong. Moxxie was covering his eyes cause of the terrible music and Millie was just happily looking out the window. Then all of a sudden, he saw a kid on a skateboard not going fast enough.

Blitzo - *trying to stop the van* “OH SHIT!!”

Blitzo not only spun the wheel, but hit the brake as quickly as possible. But as the van was stopping, it still bumped into Sonya. Sonya then fell off her skateboard and she fell on the ground. Just when she was about to get up, her skateboard hit her head and she was unconscious and facing down on the ground. 

Blitzo - “Okay who did I hit?”

Moxxie and Millie got out of the van to see. They both saw Sonya face down on the ground with her hood covering her head. 

Moxxie - *worried* “Oh crumbs! It’s a little kid!”

Millie - *concerned “Oh my! The poor thing!”

Blitzo - “So just leave it! I mean the kid is probably just an orphan or something.”

Moxxie - *mad* “Sir no we aren’t doing that! I’m gonna check if the little guy is okay.”

Moxxie ran toward Sonya’s body. He kneeled down and was relieved that he didn’t see any blood or anything. Moxxie carefully moved Sonya’s body and noticed something familiar. Then Moxxie moved Sonya's hair and noticed it was blonde. His eyes widened and recognized the red dots on her cheeks and Moxxie screamed in horror.

Millie - *concerned* “Honey what’s wrong!?”

Moxxie - *scared* “SIR! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU DONE?!”

Blitzo - “What? It’s just a kid. It’s not dead…Wait, is it?”

Moxxie - *paranoid* “T-This isn't just any kid! This is the princess's cousin as in LUCIFER'S NIECE!!”

Millie - *shocked* “What?!”

Blitzo - “Oh. Oh...*slowly start to realize* OH SHIT!!!”

Millie - *try to calm them now* “Now now let's not panic.”

Moxxie - *freaking out* “THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME TO PANIC HONEY! *Start to hyperventilate* Her uncle is going to kill us!”

Millie - *trying to stay calm* “Come down Moxx, you're gonna have a panic attack!”

Moxxie - *freaking out* “I CAN'T!! THE KING GONNA MOUNT OUR HEADS ON THE WALL FOR HURTING HIS NIECE!!”

Millie - “Shhh Shh! Calm down sweetie!”

Moxxie - “WE ARE DEAD! WE ARE SO DEAD- “

Then Blitzo gave Moxxie a hard slap on the cheek. Normally Millie would tear somebody apart for hurting her husband, but she knows Blitzo was only trying to calm down Moxxie. The slap actually did work because Moxxie was actually calm. 

Blitzo - “Calm your baby dick Moxxie! Alright look, it's no big deal. We will just take her back to headquarters until she wakes up. I mean what harm could it do?”

Moxxie - *disbelief* “That’s your plan?!”

Blitzo - “Do you have a better idea?! *Moxxie stood silent* I didn’t think so!”

Blitzo picked up Sonya and slung her over his shoulder. Moxxie and Millie got back in the van as Blitzo carefully handed them Sonya’s unconscious body. Sonya’s head was now laying on Moxxie’s lap as Millie held on to Sonya to make sure she didn’t fall. After settling in, Blitzo started the car and quickly drove off. The only thing that was left behind was Sonya’s hat and skateboard. 

Less than 15 minutes later, The IMPS made it to their building. Blitzo parked the van, and to the back where Moxxie and Millie were sitting with Sonya’s body. He opened the door, and carefully carried out Sonya’s body and slung her over his shoulder again. Millie and Moxxie got out and all three of them ran inside the building and to their office. They saw Loona on her phone texting and she looked up, and saw Blitz carrying Sonya over his shoulders. 

Loona - *deadpanned* “You guys got a souvenir from the living world?”

Moxxie - *scared* “She's not from the living world! She's Lucifer's niece!”

Loona - *shocked* “Wait what?! How the fuck did you guys get her?”

Moxxie - “Because somebody hit her with the van!”

Blitzo - *defended* “Oh shut the fuck up! How was I supposed to know it was the head honcho's relative?!”

Millie - “Uh, Blitzo, you can easily tell from those cute rosy dot cheeks she has. Everybody knows that Lucifer’s relatives have those.”

Blitzo - “Big fucking deal! Look, we just had a little accident is all. We are all gonna be fine. We just leave the kid here and wait until she wakes up. If not, then we can always bury her. I know a good place.”

Moxxie - *appalled* “Blitzo!

Blitzo - “What?!”

Moxxie - “Take this seriously! Please! I don't wanna die!!”

Loona - *annoyed* “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!”

Blitzo - “Loonie's right we need to set this kid downand think of a plan.”

()()()()()()()()

Meanwhile at the hotel Charlie kept looking at her phone. Charlie was getting worried because it had been almost an hour since her cousin texted her back. She also knew that Sonya and Liz hates being late to everything. 

Charlie - *worried* “Where could Sonya and Liz be? They should've been here by now.”

Vaggie - “Maybe They are a little late. It happens sometimes.”

Angel - *shrugs* “Or she gets a snack. Just give them a few more minutes Princess. You shouldn’t get your panties up your ass so much.”

Charlie - “Well alright. I can't help but worry though. I mean they are my baby cousins after all.” 

Angel - *rolled his eyes* “They are not babies anymore Princess. What's like 12 now? That’s almost a teen.”

Husk - “Yeah the kid is almost reaching his manhood.”

Vaggie - *annoyed* “Womanhood!”

Husk - *rolled his eyes* “Whatever!”

Charlie - “Anyway, Sonya and Liz are only 11 years old, Angel. They are still little kids.”

Angel - *dismissive* “That is still close to almost a teenager. Beside when I was about their age, I already knew how to shoot some random fucks. Anyway, you shouldn't worry so much.”

Charlie - *relaxing* “Well...alright. I’ll give it a bit more time.”

()()()()()()()()()

Later back at IMP headquarters, Sonya slowly started to wake up and saw that she was on a couch with a pillow under her head, a blanket covering her, her sweater on the side of the sofa, her shoes next to the sofa, and an ice pack on her head. She slowly began to sit up, rubs her head and said: 

Sonya - *sluggish* “Huh...Where am I?

How did I... get here?”

Loona looked up from her magazine and saw that Sonya was now awake. But she still looked sluggish and had some purple bags under her eyes like if she had raccoon eyes on her. Then Loona began to shout: 

Loona - *yelling* “HEY DICKHEADS! THE LITTLE DEMON KID IS AWAKE!”

Moxxie begins rushing in and goes to see Sonya now awake. He was much calmer now then he was then the last hour. But he was still a little nervous about meeting the King of Hell’s relatives. 

Sonya - *confused* “Who are you?”

Moxxie - *looked relief* “Oh thank goodness you're alive. I'm Moxxie.”

Sonya - “I'm Sonya. Sonya Morningstar.”

Loona - *to Sonya* “We already know your last name, kid. I mean it’s obvious you are related to Lucifer. Even a blind asshole can see that.”

Then Blitzo and Millie came in. Millie was relieved that Sonya was awake. So was Blitzo. However, with Blitzo, he was just happy that now he won’t get in trouble with Lucifer. 

Millie - “Oh thank goodness the little sweetie alright. I'm Millie, I’m also Moxxie’s wife.”

Blitzo - “And I'm Blitzo. The O is silent by the way.”

Sonya - “What O?”

Blitzo - *happy* “Oh smart kid! I like that. Anyway, I'm the owner of IMP.”

Sonya - *confused* “IMP?”

Blitz: “Immediate Murder Professionals. We go to the living world and kill people.”

Sonya - “Oh! Like ninjas?”

Moxxie - *chuckles* “Well actually we are assassins.”

Blitzo - “Ya knows I originally wanted us to dress like ninjas, but I can’t wear those ninja clothes. I can’t fucking breath in those things and always make my dick itchy.”

Mille - “And people pay us to kill on earth. The killing is the best part!”

Sonya - “Oh that's cool…*realized* hey wait…I seen your commercial on TV! It’s really catchy and cool.”

Blitz - *prideful* You’re fucking right it's cool! *to Moxxie* Unless some less talent baby trolls, that music helped us on getting more assholes who want fucking heads to roll. We get to the living world and we killed those who are fucked!”

Sonya - *confused* “Is it like a revenge thing or something?”

Moxxie - *uncertain* “Well I guess you can say that. But just so you know, we don’t go to the human world to start a massacre.”

Loona - *rolled her eyes* “That what exactly what you guys do dummy.”

Sonya - “Look I appreciate you looking after me, but I need to go. My parents and my cousin must be worried about me and-.”

Sonya was about to get up, but fell on her knees and held her head. She still felt dizzy and sluggish from the dart gun. Moxxie and Millie quickly rushed to her side. 

Millie - *concerned* “Oh honey are you okay?”

Sonya - *moans* “Kind of…”

Blitzo - *nervously* “U-Uh this doesn’t have to do with me hitting you with the van? Because when you think about it, I only bump into you.”

Sonya - *slowly shook her head no* “I got hit with this thing.”

Sonya took the dart out of her pocket. Moxxie took the dart, examined it and eyes widened.

Moxxie - “Sir! This is the dart that you shot. It must have hit Sonya.”

Blitzo - “What? How? She wasn’t even fucking there! Unless she could turn invisible because I know some royal chucklefucks have some strange ass powers.”

Sonya - “No…I was skateboarding. And then I felt something hit my arm and it was that needle thingy.”

Moxxie - “It’s a dart. These are specialized to knock anybody out, even humans. The effect of the dart is still in your bloodstream and normally it wears off in a short while. But due to you being a child, you have to wait until it is out of your system. Which could take a few hours.”

Sonya - *dismayed* “Oh man…”

Millie - “Aw don't worry honey we will take care of you! We'll be right by your side.”

Sonya - “Oh thank you. But I need to call my parents and cousin. They are worried about me and- “

Moxxie - “Oh don’t worry about it. We will take care of that. In the meantime, do you need anything?”

Sonya - *shakes her head* “No thank you, I'm alright. I just need to rest a bit. But I think I'll be alright.” 

Moxxie - “Sir is there something you would like to say to Sonya?”

Blitzo - “No. I'm going to my office.”

He went to his office and slammed the door. It left the others confused since he never really acted like this. 

Sonya - *confused* “What's up with him?”

Moxxie - *annoyed* “Ugh probably in another of his moods, I guess. Sorry about that.”

Sonya - “It's fine…I just need to rest more.”

Sonya fell back to sleep on the couch. The dart effect was still affecting her. 

()()()()()()()()()

Meanwhile Charlie was still waiting for Sonya and Liz. An hour had pass and still no answer from both of them. 

Charlie - *worried* “Where are they? I'm really getting worried now. I keep calling and texting but nothing.”

Angel - “Maybe we should call her parents or something?”

Vaggie - *impressed* “Wow for once you had a good idea.”

Angel - “Well I only said that to get the stick the princess has in her ass. Besides, Sonya and Liz could've gone home instead. Or got lost.”

Charlie - *anxious* “I'll call her parents right now!” 

Charlie began to dial her uncle’s number. Vaggie punched Angel in the arm for making Charlie freak out even more. After a few minutes her Uncle Azrael picked up. 

Azrael - “Hello?”

Charlie - “Hi Uncle Azrael. It’s me Charlie.”

Azrael - *happy* “Oh hello honey! What can I do for you?”

Charlie - “Did Sonya go back home?”

Azrael - “Actually no. We were about to call and ask you the same thing. We haven't received calls or anything. Zella and I even tried calling Liz and nothing.”

Charlie - *worried* Neither did I. I have no idea where they could be. I think they could be missing it in danger.”

Azrael - *determined* “Then we must find them! I’ll go tell their mother.”

Charlie - *determinate* “Yeah! I'll call you when I find them.”

Azrael - “Thank you.”

Charlie - “No problem. Call you soon.” *Hangs up* come on guys let go find them!”

Vaggie - “Of course! “

Angel - “On it!”

Charlie - *touched* “Aw Angel, it’s sweet that you care.”

Angel - *scoff* “I’m not getting soft Princess. Sonya and Liz are one a few people I actually like.”

Vaggie - “Well let’s go find them now!”

()()()()()()()()()

Meanwhile back at the IMP building, Blitzo smelled something was cooking and it smelled really good. He followed the smell and it was coming from the kitchen. Blitzo went to the kitchen and saw Moxxie was cooking some soup.  

Blitzo - “Watcha cooking their Moxx? Is it lunch for all of us? Cause if it is, don’t add any peas in there. I fucking hate peas.”

Moxxie - *annoyed* “It’s soup. But it’s not for us. It’s for the little demon child. She woke up a while ago and said she felt a little hungry.”

Blitzo - *dismayed* “Oh. Well can't she get it herself? I mean you’re not her baby dick butler.”

Moxxie - *annoyed* “She could if SOMEBODY didn't shoot her with a dart and hit her with the van!”

Blitzo - *mad* “Oh will you shut up about that?! I only bump into her and I didn't know that was the big guy’s niece! You act like I committed a crime!”

Moxxie - *mad* “Sir, technically you did since we aren't allowed to kill or dangerously harm anyone of the head honcho's family. Anyone with a third-grade education would know that!”

Millie - “Moxxie is actually right Blitzo. You’re lucky it was just one of those sleepy darts. What if you accidentally shot her with real bullets?”

Moxxie - *paranoid* Or angelic ones?!

She could've died and it would've been on your heads!” 

Blitzo - “But we could have buried her and not gotten caught.”

Both - *appalled* “Blitzo!!”

Blitz - “Oh come on! That's what we always do!”

Moxxie - *serious* “Sir, aren't you forgetting that she is Lucifer's niece? Even though she's a little kid, she still part of the royal family and we have to make sure she taken care of or else! I don't want to die from our king!”

Millie - “Hell, neither do I!”

Moxxie - “And please try to be nice to her. After all she's a little kid.”

Blitz - *mad* “Haven't you forgotten that the last kid we had was a complete asshole? And how he called me a greedy selfish clown? It still hurt me inside that he called me a clown!”

Moxxie - “That was one kid. Not all kids are like that.”

Millie - “Why don't you give Sonya a chance. She’s a good kid. She told me how she loves the Pain Games! *dismayed* Still wish I can be in it though…I only cause 9 funerals and I get banned.”

Blitzo - “That what she wants you both to think! Next thing you know she could either literally stab you in the fucking back or turn out to be some creepy adult who only act like a kid.”

Moxxie - *weird out* “You seriously need to lay off the coffee.”

Millie - “Yeah try to relax and actually get to know to Sonya.”

()()()()()()()()()

Sonya was now sitting up and was feeling better than before. She noticed Loona was drinking beer and was watching a video on her phone. However, she still felt a little sluggish and dizzy. Sonya took out her phone but realized that it’s broken. Even Liz’s phone was broken much to their dismayed. Liz came out in her shadow form said:

Liz - “You sure we can trust these weirdos?”

Sonya - “Sure I can. I mean they saved us. And they are taking care of us…Well me because I don’t want you suffer this too.”

Liz - “Yeah, I know. But I don't know about this. I say we should get out of here…After we still steal some stuff of course. see *Sonya gives her a disapprove look* What? It’s for souvenirs.”

Sonya - *rolled her eyes* “I can't. Not only that’s wrong, that dart really weakened me. Heck, my legs even feel like jelly.”

Liz - *concerned* “Aw man…That’s not good. Hey, what if you transform into me? I can get us out of here. *smug* I am strong after all.”

Sonya - *doubtful* “Guess it can't hurt to try.”

Loona - *confused* “Who are you talking to?”

Sonya - “Liz.”

Loona - *confused* “Who the fuck is Liz?”

Sonya - *pointed to Liz* “Her.”

Liz came out in shadow form and started to wave at Loona. Loona almost spit her drink from shock but luckily, she didn’t. Then Moxxie, Millie and Blitzo came out of the chicken. Moxxie was holding a bowl of soup on a table tray with a cup of juice. 

Moxxie - “Soup’s ready! I hope you- “

Moxxie's eyes widened in shock and saw Liz. The same goes for Millie and Blitzo who were also shocked yet confused. 

Blitzo - “Alright I’m gonna be the one to say it: who or what the fuck is that thing?”

Sonya - “Well I tried to tell you guys earlier: This is my twin sister Liz. She and I share the same body.  We were born that way due to being a Gemini.”

Loona - “Okay that's weird.”

Moxxie - “I guess that makes sense…Uh I made you some soup!”

Sonya - *happy* “Oh thanks!!

She started to eat some. The soup was helping her feel a little better. Plus, the taste was really good. 

Sonya - “Wow this is really good!”

Moxxie - *proud* “Thanks! It's my wife's recipe.”

Millie - “So Sonya tells us about yourself and Liz.”

Blitzo - “Yeah because it doesn’t make any fucking sense. Like how the hell does she live inside you? I mean do you have to turn yourself inside out so she can come out?”

Sonya - “Uhh no? We just share the same body. We also take turns being the shadow. To get Liz out, I have to prick my finger with something pointy like a needle. To get me out, someone from my family have to hug and pet Liz’s head at the same time.”

Loona - “And being born a Gemini? How does that even freakin work?”

Sonya - “Well it’s a rare star in hell because it’s a pure Earth one. The rest are just copies.”

Moxxie - “Oh yes! I heard about that in a book I read. It only come out every decade.”

Sonya - *nodding* “Yeah. So, Liz and I were born during the time the Gemini star was out.”

Moxxie - “Now it makes more sense.”

Sonya - “Thanks. Not a lot of people believe it though.”

Millie - “Yeah some people can be stubborn assholes.”

Blitzo - “Yeah. Besides the magic stars, it must be REALLY cool living the royal life. Having all that money and that shit.”

Sonya - “Well not always.”

Moxxie - *confused* “What do you mean?” 

Sonya - “Well Liz and I go to 666 Hellmentary school. We didn’t want to go to some fancy private or boarding school. Not only we would be away from our family, we would have to wear uniforms. And I rather wear a garbage bag.”

Loona - “You have good taste.”

Sonya - “And all of my cousins are complete assholes…Well except one.”

Moxxie - “Who?”

Sonya - “Charlie. She’s the best cousin I ever have. The rest didn’t like me or Liz for being born different.”

Blitzo - *scoff* “Oh please! Like I have heard that excuse before.”

Sonya - *offended* “Excuse me? Is there a problem you have?”

Blitz - *mad* “Don't act like you're some sad ass demon kid with a sad ass life! How could some kid come from a royal big shot family and have a sad story life.”

Sonya - *mad* “Shut up! Do you have any idea what I've been through?! I didn't exactly have a fairytale life you know!”

Blitzo - “How the fuck can you not have a fairy tale life?! You’re a royal hotshot!”

Moxxie - “Sir stop!”

Sonya - *mad* “You just don't get it. The only thing I get now that you're a big jackass! 

Blitzo - *offended* “Excuse me?!”

Sonya - “If you don't want me here then I'll leave!”

Moxxie - “Wait you can't, the dart hasn't left your body yet! “

Sonya - “I don't care! If your jackass if a boss wants me to leave then I'll go! I'm not gonna be pushed around by some red dick face!”

Blitzo - “Oh fine go then get out!”

Sonya - “Gladly!”

She stands to walk away but her legs still jiggle like gelatin. She grabbed her sweater and left the door. Sonya was still muttering to herself on how Blitzo was rude to her. But she stops in the middle of the hallway to rest her legs a little. What she didn’t noticed was a Prince opening a portal to the building. 

Sonya - *mad* “Stupid Imp...thinking I had a good life...Grr he’s such a jackass! I never want to near this place again as long I- “

"Excuse me" 

Sonya turned around and saw Stolas. Her eyes widened, jaws dropped, and began to blush. Even her hands felt sweaty. She has never experienced such a feeling like this before. Sonya even felt her heart beating fast and was acting as if she lost her voice. Then she swallowed and spoke. 

Sonya - *shyly* “W-Who are you?”

Stolas - “Oh I'm Stolas. The Ars Goetia Prince of Hell.”

Sonya - *nervously* “H-Hi. I-I'm Sonya Morningstar. I-It nice to meet you your majesty.”

Stolas - *smiles* “The pleasure is mine my dear. I'm just here to see a sexy little imp name Blitzo.”

Sonya - *upset* “O-Oh you mean that jerk? Go right ahead c-because he just kicked me out.”

Stolas - *surprised* “What? A little girl like you?”

Sonya - “Yeah...He’s a rude jerk.”

Stolas - *suspicious* “Hmmm. Maybe I should go talk to him. I don’t think it’s like him to do that.”

He went to the office and knocked on the door. Then Moxxie opened the door and saw Stolas. 

Stolas - “Hello there.”

Moxxie - *surprised* “Oh hello your majesty! What can we do for you?”

Stolas - “I need to speak to Blitzy please.”

Millie - “Oh of course! He's in his office. But he’s not in a good right now.”

Stolas - “Don’t worry. I know how to handle him when he’s like this.”

Stolas goes to see Blitzo who was sitting in his desk. He was sourly playing with his toy horses. 

Stolas - *cleared his throat* “Hello Blitzy.”

Blitzo shot up and fell out of his chair. He looked up and saw Stolas. 

Blitzo - *annoyed* “Oh god what do you want?”

Stolas - *serious* “I need to speak with you.”

Blitzo - *annoyed* “Oh god is if about fucking me in my office you can forget it! I just had this table clean and I don’t want any feathers on it.” 

Stolas - “It's not that and I wish you wouldn't be so rude right now.”

Blitzo - *sighs* “Fine sorry. What is it you want?”

Stolas - *sterner* “I heard you were very rude to a young lady just now.”

Blitzo - “Oh the Princess’s cousin? So what?”

Stolas - “You know Blitzy, I never imagine you being rude to a child. Especially one that belong in Lucifer's family. And why is she here anyway?

Blitzo - “Because she got in my fucking way for shooting practice. Plus, I accidentally bump into her with my van.”

Stolas - *shocked* “You shot her?!”

Blitzo - *defensive* “Not on purpose!

She got in my way! Plus, I didn’t fully hit her with my van, it was just a bump.”

Stolas - “You should be lucky she wasn't killed! And you should also be lucky that she’s okay because Lucifer would have made you into a new pelt.”

Blitzo - “Like I give a fuck!”

Stolas - *concerned* “I sense something bothering you. What is it?”

Blitzo - “Like I would tell you.”

Stolas - *teasing* Oh come on where's my happy Blitzy? You can be honest with me.”

Blitzo - *sighs* Fine. Last time we saved a kid he was an asshole. He insulted me and my staff. Even though he was the right target, he was still an asshole!”

Stolas - Oh I see. But just because one kid was an asshole doesn't mean all kids are. My point is that you can't just judge children. Well not all of them anyway.”

Blitzo - “But she tried to make up a sob story saying her cousins hated her.”

Stolas - “Hated her?”

Blitzo - “She was born as some weird shit because of a rare star.”

Stolas - “Oh! You mean the Gemini star? I seen it every decade. It’s so beautiful.”

Blitzo - “Well it made the kid share the same body with her twin. But what I don’t fucking get is that she come from a royal family yet she makes a sob story saying she wasn’t popular. Like how can you be miserable?”

Stolas - “Blitzo, you need to understand this: it doesn’t matter if you come from a rich or poor society. You can still be feeling sad and miserable. Trust me, she’s not the only one who felt like that.”

Blitzo - *eyes widen* “Even you felt like that? But you’re a rich asshole.” 

Stolas - “Money doesn’t matter Blitzy. You can still feel miserable and alone. Trust me, Stella made me miserable for not acting like a “proper royal”.

Those words struck Blitzo’s head like a bullet. He never considers somebody like Stolas to be miserable despite being a royal member of a high-class family. Then this feeling he was having was telling him that he was wrong for treating Sonya and Liz rudely. It was guilt. Something that he didn’t like feeling. 

Blitzo - *sighs* “I’m gonna apologize to the kid. Maybe I was a little hard on her.” 

()()()()()()()()()

Meanwhile, Sonya was still in the hallway blushing and standing there. Liz came out and look consider for her sister. 

Liz - *concerned* “Dude you, ok?”

Sonya - “Huh? Oh! Y-Yeah! I'm fine! I just never expected to meet a prince. And a cute one…”

Liz - *teasingly* “Oooh someone has a crush on a prince!”

Sonya - *denial* “What! No! What makes you say that?!”

Liz - “You never acted like this. I mean never in our life.”

Sonya - “Me either. I never even had a crush before.”

Then a door slam open and it was an angry client. The client was a big buff red and black bull. He was wearing a sleeveless brown shirt, jeans and no shoes. He even had horns and a tail. 

Sonya - *confused* “What the?”

Client - *angry* “Where the hell is your boss?! He screwed me over, and I want my money back!”

Sonya - *confused* “Excuse me? I don't work here. I'm just going home

Client - “Then where is he?!” 

Sonya - “How should I know?! Don't bit g at me about nothing

Client - *angry* “What did you say brat?!”

Sonya - “You heard me! Get out of my way!”

Client - *enraged* “You little fucking twerp!”

The client grabbed Sonya, and pushed her up against the wall. Sonya began to struggled but it was hard due the demon being strong. 

Sonya - *struggle* “Let me go!”

Client - “Make me!”

Sonya - “I'll fight you! I swear I'll knock you dead!”

The Client laughs like if Sonya told a funny joke. It made Sonya and Liz even more pissed. Then the Client said: 

Client - *smug* “You and what army?”

Sonya - “You asked for it!”

Sonya see’s a nail on the wall and she quickly pricks herself. She first passed out which left the client confused. Then Liz came out with her wild hair, red eyes and sharp teeth smile. 

Liz - “Badaboom! Time to die bitch!”

Client - “Bring it! I can squash you like a bug right now!”

Liz - “Not without your hand!”

Liz took out her scissors from her pocket and stab the Client’s hand. The client screamed in pain and Liz was free. Liz quickly took off Sonya’s sweater to make sure she didn’t mess it up or get it dirty. Although she wishes that she had time

to change into her clothes but knew it’s not the time. The client looked angry and began to fight Liz. 

Client - “You’re going down!”

Liz - “In ya dreams!”

The fight still continues on. Liz was starting to feel the effect of the dart, but didn’t care. All the noises and crashing were getting Millie and Moxxie’s attention. Loona was just getting annoyed by the sound because she couldn’t focus on her magazine. 

Millie - “What is going on out there?!”

Moxxie - “Why is there crashing and screaming?!”

Loona - “I don’t know. Go check it out and tell them to keep it down!”

Moxxie and Millie left the office to see what was going on. They see Liz and the client in a fight

Millie - *confused* “Who is she?”

Moxxie - *worried* “Where's Sonya?!”

Liz - *as she was fighting* “Relax! She's in her shadow form. I got this bastard!”

Liz got the upper hand on the client. Even though the client was throwing some punches, Liz managed to dodge some. Liz would use her scissors to give the client some cuts and stabs. Moxxie and Millie were amazed on how a young child like Liz can fight. 

Millie - *amazed* “Wow she's good!”

Moxxie - *impressed* “Yeah, she is. But should we help her?”

Millie - “I’m not sure I think she got this.”

All of a sudden, the effect from the dart was starting to take effect on Liz. She started to feel dizzy and sluggish. Even her vision was starting to be blurry. 

Liz - *feeling dizzy “No... Not now.”

Liz legs began to wobble and she fell on the ground. She even began to pant. Moxxie and Millie looked concerned and began to take out their weapons to help her. 

Liz - *sluggish* “Oh man…”

Client - *smug* “Ha! Look at your sad pathetic self! I knew you couldn’t defeat me.”

Liz - “Fuck you dumb-ass!”

Client - *angry* What did you say you brat? Not my fault your boss is a stupid asshole who couldn’t do a job right!”

Liz - “He may be a jackass, but he's actually a cool killer.”

Blitzo came to see what the commotion was and told Stolas to stay back so he wouldn’t get in the way. Then he saw Liz looking weak, bruised up but had scissors in her hands. Then there was a client who also looked beat up. He grimaced because he remembered that the client who kept calling him about a refund for killing the wrong person. Then he heard what Liz saying: 

Liz - “Thanks to those two, *points to Millie and Moxxie* They told me how them and their boss go around killing people. I think it's pretty badass how their boss is with guns and killing people. He makes Imps sound cool.”

Blitzo - *touched* “Wow....maybe that kid isn't so bad after all.”

Client - “Ha! Keep talking and this knife will be in your throat.” takes out a pocket knife 

Liz - *groans* “Fuck off!”

Liz used her strength she has left and kicked the client in the shins. The Client got angry and grabbed Liz and slammed her to the wall. Before he can punch her, or Moxxie and Millie can fight, Blitzo shoots him in the arm that was gonna punch Liz. The Client screamed in pain and even let go holding Liz in his grip and she limped toward Millie and Moxxie. 

Blitzo - “Back off fucko!”

Client - “You fucked up my order!”

Blitzo - “How the fuck we were suppose to know that the target you wanted had a freakin twin?!”

Client - “You give me my money or else!”

Moxxie - “Sir just give him the money!”

Blitzo - “No way! I don’t give back money to clients who weren't specific on their target. *serious* And I especially don’t give back money to a client on hurting a kid.”

Blitzo shoots the client two more times in the same arm and leg. The client screamed in pain and was bleeding. He could see that Blitzo was serious and wasn’t scared at all. He can tell he made a big mistake. 

Blitzo - “Either you leave, or you will have more holes in you than Swiss cheese.”

Not wanting to make this worse, the Client groaned and limped his way out the building. Liz, Millie and Moxxie were amazed at how Blitzo handled it on his own. 

Liz - *impressed* “Holy crap...You save me and Sonya...But why?”

Blitzo - “Well lets just say I had some thinking to do.”

“Thanks to me.”

They all turned around and saw Stolas coming out the room and to the hallway. 

Liz - “Really?”

Stolas - “I convince Blitzy to give you a chance.”

Liz - “You did? But why? I thought you didn’t like me or Sonya for having the fairy tale life. 

Blitzo - Because I realize...You guys aren’t not bad. Anybody could have a crappy life even if they are rich.”

Liz - “Yeah. I mean no life is perfect.”

Blitzo - “Yeah like Moxxie’s. His wife pegs him like once a week.”

Moxxie - *embarrassed* “Sir!!”

Liz began to laugh. But then she started to cough much to the concerned of the others.

Millie - *worried* “You okay sweetie?”

Liz - *groans*That dart is taking its effect on me too even though I switched with Sonya…Oh god I feel like crap…”

Moxxie - “Here lets get you back to the couch.”

Blitzo - “Let me help out.”

They take her to the couch. Liz was sitting up but admitted, sitting down did help her feel a little better. Moxxie looked at her and noticed some bruises and cuts on her. 

Moxxie - “Oh dear. *To Millie* Honey, can you get the first aid kit for bandages?”

Millie - “Of course honey.”

Millie went to the bathroom and got out the first aid kit. For once, it had some things like bandages, gauze, peroxide water, etc. Sometimes their first aid kit would be either empty, or full with random stuff like used condoms, trash or even left-over food. Millie bought the first aid kid and help cover up Liz’s wounds. Then she was all bandages up. 

Liz - *sluggish* “Thanks...God that dart was strong…”

Stolas - “Also does your family know you're here?”

Liz - “No... My phone broke and so did my sister’s.”

Stolas - “Blitzy, why don't you call her parents or somebody to pick them up?”

Blitzo- “Right. We were suppose to do it earlier but some shit happened. *To Liz* “Okay kid, what's your parents’ number?”

Liz - “Uh some random numbers?”

Blitz - *deadpanned* “That's not helping, I know like fifty random numbers. We need a real number sweetie.”

Liz - *thinks* “Okay I think it's 666 902 3459.”

Blitz - “Okay thanks. *He dials the number* Hope somebody pick up.”

It rings until someone answers.

“Hello?”

Blitzo - “Yeah hi. Are you Liz Morningstar’s parents?”

“No. I’m Angel Dust. The popular pornstar in Hell!”

Blitzo - *surprised* “What?! No way! I seen your movies! You really have a nice dick.”

Angel - “Oh thanks! I been told a lot.”

Moxxie - *annoyed* “Sir! Call their parents!”

Blitzo - “I’m working on it! Hold your ass! *To Angel* Sorry, that was a pain in my ass.”

Angel - “How the fuck you got my number? Did you get it on the wall at 666 Styx Street? It has been written there a lot.”

Blitzo - “Well it turned out the Princess’s cousin knew your number and- “

Angel - “Wait, Princess’s cousin? As in the two little girls? Sonya and Liz?”

Blitzo - “Yeah! They are here with my and my workers in my office.”

Angel - *relief* “Oh thank God! We have been looking for them. The only thing we found was Sonya’s hat and the Princess along with their parents were getting worried about her precious baby cousins and daughters.”

Blitzo - “Well don’t worry. She’s with the safest assassins you've ever met.”

Angel - “Right. So, where all ya exactly?”

Blitzo - “Imp city. We are in a really tall fucking building called IMP.”

Angel - “Good. Coming in a few minutes.”

Blitzo - “Fantastic! Bye! *hangs* Okay the Princess and her buddies are coming to get you and your shadow sister.”

Liz - “Oh that's great!”

Loona - “You know, I’m surprised you knew Angel Dust. He’s like one of the most pornstar in Hell.”

Liz - “He’s, my bestie. Him and I go on turf wars sometimes and the only number that came to my head no thanks to that stupid darts.”

Moxxie - “Speaking of that, there is some good news. I look it up, that dart should wear off the next day.”

Liz - “Thank god because I feel like crap.”

Millie - “Well just sit here and rest until your cousin comes, alright?”

Liz - “Okay.”

Stolas - “Yes you deserve the rest. Especially with that fight you had.”

Liz - * smiles* “Thank you Space Prince. And you Imps too. You guys aren't that bad.”

()()()()()()()()()

After waiting 15 minutes, they saw a limo downstairs. The door quickly opened and it was Charlie who quickly grabbed Liz in a big hug. Liz was wincing a bit in pain and had trouble breathing due to the tight hug. 

Charlie - “Oh my baby cousins! I’m so glad that you are okay!! I thought I lost you guys!!”

Angel - “Whoa easy Princess! You’re gonna really lose them if you keep squeezing them like that.”

Charlie realized that and saw that Liz was turning red. She quickly let Liz go and she began panting.

Charlie - *sheepishly* “Sorry about that. I was just really worried about you.”

Vaggie - *see Liz’s bandaged up and looked exhausted* “Whoa. What happened to you?”

Moxxie - *nervously* “Well um…”

Blitzo - “She got hit by a van and dart. Also, a client tried to kill her. But don’t worry, we took care of it.”

Charlie - “Well…I’m just glad that she’s okay. Thank you so much for looking after my baby cousins.”

Millie - “Anytime your highness.”

Liz - *to the Imps* “And thanks again for saving and helping me out. You guys’ rock.”

Moxxie - *smiles* “Thanks. You too.”

Blitzo - “And you and shadow sister can visit us any time you want.”

Liz - “Really? Can we?”

Blitzo - “Yeah cause for a kid you were freaking badass in battle! Never knew you can use scissors as weapons.” 

Liz - “And fireworks. I love using fireworks. Plus, you are badass too! I'll admit I; I use to think of them as creepy weirdos but meeting you guys change that. I mean you are still weirdos but I really hope we can hang again sometime.”

Blitzo - “Sure I have no prob with that.”

Charlie - “Well come on, we better get you back home for rest.”

Liz - “See ya soon Blitzo!”

Liz got into the limo with her cousins and others and they drove out the city. Blitzo smiles as they drive us. He actually was glad he met those two kids showing that not all kids are bad or royal life is perfect. Blitzo actually like the good feeling he was having in his chest and hope he can see Sonya and Liz again. 

Hope you all like it!

[vcat55]

Heavy part 1

Part 2-

She hasn't moved in a full 18 hours now.

her entire reason for even moving that 18 hours ago anyway wasn't because she even wanted to ,but if her therapist asked she would count it because it's not like she actually had to answer the door for the man and she truly wished she had just left her stalker to worry when she had first had to drag her depressed ass to the door getting dizzy from lack of food.

“God hawks” she had said when he barged his way into her apartment that evening clearly just getting off patrol

“You haven't left? sorry I thought you might be in trouble or somebody was bothering you, what happened babybird? Come on tell me? Are you hungry? Is there something I could do? Need a birdbath babe?”he started to joke and she just walked to the kitchen only really catching on to the food part of his questions

She bent down to look into her fridge wondering how she ever even got a stalker anyways because she never actually left the small apartment that her manager gave her ,since she pumped out so many books a year they had made a deal that if she just kept doing that he would take care of everything but her groceries which considering she wasn't that popular,it wasn't a bad deal but at moments like this she debated on whether or not that was really a healthy thing to agree to for herself.

Then again she had also agreed to be hawk's girlfriend knowing fully of his delusions and behaviors that would normally scare off others.

But it felt nice to just have somebody look at her for once. And that's what he did , even if the self he made her in his head wasn't exactly accurate .It was just the way he looked at her like for once her attempts at just being ok was enough for now. For once it was good enough that she just opened the door. It didn't matter that she hadn't been ready when he said his patrol was over, it didn't matter that she hadn't even noticed the time pass, or that she wasn't at her best mental self.

He just kept looking with those golden eyes of his perfectly happy with their progress and she was grateful, so grateful that he didn't mind washing her as she cling to his strong arms and brushing her hair so she was presentable to the public. And although she was irritated at the time, now that it had been 18 hours since they had gotten back from their impromptu dinner date , she was grateful that he made her go out and get dinner and groceries and she was grateful that she knew he would be back. Soon to give her that look she longed for her entire life, the look that said she wasn't a burden and it was ok that she didn't have a different job besides writing her novels.

A knock sounded at her door once again but she didn't hear it this time, no she was too far into her own head ,at least until the knocks got louder and started to snake the apartment and her neighbors started to yell.

She got up quickly and got to the door knowing her neighbors wouldn't hesitate to call the cops about a disturbance.

When she financially got the door open hawks almost tackled her to the floor a panicked look on his face ,but as he realized she was fine kisses soon found her but not much could faze her anymore so she only smiled a little already feeling her mood even out because that was his affect on her. Not quite happiness but an evenness in her mood that the obsession with her brought on and she was addicted to it, not just the need in his eyes but the want.

“ where were you ? why didn't you answer?” ahhh yes another entourage of questions brought on by his worry over her as her smile got a little less fake.

“Are you hungry?”

He blinked at her question because she almost never asked first and most certainly never offered the small smile on her face currently and he was truly mesmerized with it because

He never thought he would see something so small but so beautiful and certainly never thought his love for her would or could grow more

Or more importantly that she would offer it in such a true way

“I…… Sure baby... what about you?are you hungry?” hawks forced himself to say because he had just been staring at her(not that she minded)

“What's your favorite food?I think you mentioned a chicken place once. Do you want to go there?

He was flabbergasted and couldn't seem to move as she made her was to the bedroom only for her to look back at him still kinda mumbling to herself about chicken and how he'd probably have to order for her, but what shocked hm even more was that she made her way over to him and took his hand, it was the first time she had made the first move to interact with him besides opening the door.

“Shower? You always seem to want to shower after patrol?”she mumbled

All he could do was nod as she pulled him to her bedroom and turn on the water

“Babybird? Are you feeling alright? You don't have to do this I know you haven't been feeling well lately…..” hawks said kinda numbly

But she never actually answered him, just decided to shock him again as she made her way over and wrapped her small arms around him.

He responded immediately but would never forget the moment because yet again it was the first time she had done something like that but as she tried to move away because she had already started the water and it was already warm, he found it difficult to let go of her ,so yet again she decided shocking him was the best option and started undressing him herself. Her eyes held little emotion but he watched anyway now holding her face as she strippped him of his patrol costume and started on her own clothes.

It was a tender moment that he absorbed and memorized because he didn't want it to stop. He had never actually done anything but bathe her and quickly rinse off himself so the change was startling but very welcome and he felt his happiness grow because it's not like he wasn't concerned and worried about her since before he even said hello. When he watched her he constantly was angry at her loneliness, where were your friends?, where was your family??? Why did your manager let you do this??? But he soon realized that he could help even just as keigo ,he could help.

But the debate continued and it wasn't until you caught him taking a picture of you, not until you showed that you truly couldn't care less about your problems that he realized that he should just go to that door but the joy didn't last long because he was angry again. Why didn't you seem to care about anything? Why didn't you shower?? or why didn't you eat??? Or even care that he followed you without permission?? I mean most people would call him a creep and call the police but you just kept quiet and let him attempt to explain himself and he was angry because he realized that it could have been anyone… you just didn't care about anything.. Just slave to your own brian chemistry and nothing could or would break you out of that. But he was glad that there wouldn't be a window between you anymore because you always let him in now… a true close up view now. So he watched you now and you looked back now sometimes with amusement but mostly with nothing.. At Least until he looked close and saw the light blush and an emotion he couldn't place until he realized his own admiring look on his own face and he realized that the hidden emotion in your eyes was gratitude so he kept that look non hidden, unlike what he originally planned because he didn't want you to see him as a creep.

But today you had a different look on your face and he felt panicked because you were doing thing differently, not doing your emotionless facade and prompted touch, so as he stood in front of the shower watching you climb into the water stream and look at him, he debated what could have caused this and decided to just be grateful you were giving him the attention that he normally gave without thought and silently prayed that you'd never stop.

When you were both done washing off and getting dressed he decided after dinner he would call off work tomorrow because the change was startling to him and he felt the need to ensure you were actually fine. Because you'd never done anything like this so he just decided to enjoy the silent gratitude in your eyes he didn't understand but finally understood.

[thebrotherssalvatore321]

Keeping Secrets Ch. 29

Keeping Secrets Masterlist

Pairings: Damon x Oc, Tyler x Oc for a hot minute, Elijah x Oc for a hotter minute, Klaus x Oc endgame. Warning: Mental and physical abuse in some chapters.

Katie’s Alarm went off at 5:45 waking her up for school and she groggily grabbed her phone and turned it off before she let it fall to the floor. She threw the black and white floral patterned comforter off and put her feet on the floor. “First day of my last year in this miserable place…Let’s get this over with.” She told herself as a crappy pep talk as she stood up and headed downstairs to put a pot of coffee on, but she found Damon pouring a cup and she stopped walking with a yawn. “What are you doing here?”

“Stefan’s home and the house is full of women, live and dead. He’s also blaring music so loud I want to scratch my eardrums out.” He told her as he handed her the cup in his hand and she took it. “I needed to get away. Plus, I figured you could use those.” He motioned to two blood bags on the kitchen table. “I like the new hair by the way.”

“Thanks.” She told him as they both sat down at the table. “Not to sound like a bitch, but why aren’t you seeing Elena off to school?”

“Elena has Alaric and Jeremy. I didn’t want you to be alone on the morning of your last first day of school.” He told her honestly and she gave him a small smile. “Also Elena told me you said you hate her. Wanna talk about that?”

Her smile fell as she rolled her eyes and downed her coffee then set the empty cup on the table. “Nope and I need to shower and get dressed.” She whooshed upstairs to her bathroom. She had just finished rinsing the shampoo out of her hair when she opened her eyes to see the plexiglas distorted image of Damon leaning on the birdbath sink with his arms crossed. “Seriously? We are not together anymore. Get out.” She threw her wet shower puff at him over the door.

He caught it and tossed it in the sink behind him. “Not until you talk to me.” He told her, not giving up.

She took a deep breath and let it out as she bit her lips closed and turned off the water. He held a fluffy white towel out to her as she stepped out of the shower. “She was flirting with you when we were still together, Damon, not to mention she’s still pining for Stefan.” She told him as she wrapped the towel around herself. “She knew things with us were rocky and she took advantage of it. She all but stabbed me in the back by not having the common decency to wait until we were broken up before she started hitting on you.”

“I didn’t stop her from flirting, but you’re not mad at me.” He countered as she walked into her bedroom and he followed her.

“I’m not mad at you because I can understand you. We fell out of love so you sought it elsewhere.” She grabbed a pair of distressed, dark wash jean shorts out of her closet and tossed them onto the bed along with a white t-shirt and her leather jacket. “Turn around please.” She told him and he opened his mouth to protest, but she interrupted him. “Boundaries, Damon.” He rolled his eyes but turned around. “But her… I don’t understand how she could do this to me and Stefan.” she said as she started getting dressed.

“It’s not like she can help it. Some girls just can’t resist my good looks, my style and my charm…”

“And there’s the cocky Damon I remember.” She said as she pulled her shirt over her head and stuck her arms through the sleeves. “I feel like he got a little lost while we were together.” She added as she pulled on her shorts, buttoned and zipped them. “I didn’t miss it.” She walked past him to her closet and grabbed the one pair of shoes that didn’t get thrown away when she did her wardrobe overhaul, her broken-in pair of black and white converse.

“She also said you were a little too buddy, buddy with Klaus.” He said as she headed into the bathroom and started putting on eye shadow, black cat eye eyeliner, mascara and a nude tinted lip gloss. “The guy ripped your head from your body.”

“I wasn’t buddy, buddy with him, I just didn’t tell him to go screw himself like I wanted to.” She answered as grabbed her new black messenger bag with gold heart buckles, her jacket and shoes then headed downstairs where she put her bag down and sat down on the couch while Damon moved to stand across from her.

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that he has Elijah would it?” he asked and she ignored him while she put her shoes on. “Talk to me Katie Cat.”

“I’m not going to talk to you about Elijah.” She stood up and grabbed her jacket and bag off the floor and threw the strap over her shoulder.

“You clearly need to talk to someone about what’s going on with you.” he followed her to the kitchen where she grabbed one of the blood bags and stuck it in the icebox then popped the stopper out of the tube of the other.

“Then I’ll hire a shrink.” She popped off at him then started drinking the blood as Damon stared at her. “Look, do I miss him? Yes. Do I want that dagger taken out of him? Yes. Will I go to the dark side in order to get what I want? No…maybe. I don’t know…All I know is that it is driving me insane knowing that he is lying in a dark box while I’m just…carrying on with life like nothing is wrong.” she finished off the blood bag then threw it in the trash. “So just…Stop asking me about him, okay?”

“Fine.” He told her as he held his hand up like he was giving up then followed her to the front door.

He stopped in the doorway while she walked out on the porch then turned back to look at him. “You’re welcome to hang out here if you don’t feel like going back to the boarding house.”

“Na, Klaus has compelled Stefan to keep an eye on his doppelganger for him. So you can expect to see him at school today.” He told her as he stepped out and shut the door.

“Fun.” Katie sighed as she turned and headed to her car.

TVDTVDTVD

She pulled into the parking lot of the busy school and quickly found her friends in the crowd. “Here we are. Senior year.” Caroline said with a look across her shoulders at her friends that stood slightly behind her.

“Anyone else think this should feel slightly more empowering?” Bonnie asked as they all looked at the school. None of them felt anything about it being the first day of school.

“Okay, so prank night was a bust. But we are accepting it, and we are moving on.” Caroline said, talking with her hands as she tried to pep everyone up.

“You’re right. I mean why should I let the fact that my boyfriend is seeing the ghosts of his dead girlfriends hinder this experience?” Bonnie asked from where she walked between Katie and Caroline as they started walking toward the school.

“My soul mate is lying desiccated in a coffin with a dagger in his chest.” Katie added with a look over at Bonnie and Caroline, ignoring Elena where she stood on the other side of Caroline. “My day is gonna be grrrreat.” She said impersonating Tony the Tiger. Bonnie and Caroline shook their heads with small smiles on their faces.

“And why should I let the fact that my boyfriend turned into a hybrid put a damper on an otherwise fabulous day?” Caroline said one again talking with her hands.

Elena stopped walking and said, “Today’s our anniversary.” They all stopped and looked back at her. “Technically, Stefan and I met on the first day of school last year.”

“Are you sure you want to be here?” Bonnie asked.

“I have to be here. I have to put it behind me.” She told them as she held her head high. “New year, new life.” She heaved out a breath and walked past them toward the school. Katie thought about warning her that Stefan was going to be making an appearance today, but feeling like being mean she kept her mouth shut.

TVDTVDTVD

Katie walked into Alaric’s A.p. History class to find that Elena, Caroline and Tyler were also in the class. Stefan walked into the room after her and made someone move out of the seat next to Elena. Katie sat in the back corner of the room kitty corner to Caroline.

Alaric had started talking to the class when Rebekah came in late and sat down in the front row. “Who are you?” Alaric asked confused as to why Caroline and Elena were looking at her with wide eyes.

“My name’s Rebekah. I’m new and history is my favorite subject.” Alaric looked at Elena and Katie then took a deep breath and got back to business.

Katie was putting her history book in her locker when Rebekah walked over and opened the locker next to hers. “So has Klaus asked you to keep an eye on Elena too?” she asked, in an attempt to make conversation.

“I’m keeping an eye on Tyler.” She answered not looking at Katie who shut her locker and put a purple combination lock on it. “Not that it’s any of your business.”

“Look, I was in a bit of a bad mood last night.” Katie said as she watched Rebekah struggle to open the locker without breaking it. Katie hit it lightly with her fist and it popped open. “So can we start over?”

“Just because you’re supposedly in love with Elijah doesn’t mean you have to be nice to me.” she told her with an attitude.

“There’s no supposedly about it.” Katie argued as she pushed the strap of her bag father up on her shoulder. “I do love Elijah and he told me a lot about you when we were together. He anticipated that we wouldn’t get along, but I would like nothing better than to actually be on good terms with his family when that dagger is finally removed.” Rebekah glared at her. “I’m not trying to manipulate you. I’m just offering to be your friend when you don’t have one.”

“Fine, but if I find out this is just some ploy you and your friends have cooked up I will have no problem-”

“Killing me, I get it. Where’s your schedule?” Katie interrupted her then held her hand out for her schedule.

“I know how to find my way around.” Rebekah told her and Katie smirked.

“I want to see if we have any of the same classes.” Katie told her and Rebekah pulled her schedule out of her bag and handed it to her. “We actually have the next three classes together.” She handed it back then watched as Rebekah put her history book in her locker then shut it. “Have you ever been to high school before?” Katie asked and Rebekah shook her head no. “I’m guessing you want to be popular. So step one: cheer squad. Thanks to Klaus and Stefan there’s an opening and with your looks all the football players will be drooling over you.”

“Tyler plays football right?” she asked as they started toward their next class.

“You’re interested in Tyler?” Katie asked with a look across her shoulder at her.

“He is very attractive.” She answered.

Katie laughed. “Been there, had that.” She didn’t want to point out that Tyler was with Caroline and that she didn’t approve of Rebekah’s interest in him. She was trying to be her friend after all.

“You and Tyler?” Rebekah asked as they walked into calculus.

“Yep, back when we were both…” she looked around at the other students in the room, “normal for a lack of a better word.” The bell rang and the teacher shut the door ending their conversation.

TVDTVDTVD

All the cheerleaders were standing on the sidelines of the football field after school stretching when Katie took her spot in the line up. “Hey Care, before she shows up you should probably know that Rebekah is after your guy and I invited her to be on the cheer squad.” Katie told her quietly.

“You what?” Caroline asked as she stopped stretching and Katie started. “Have you gone insane?”

“If you call making friends with the sister of the man I love insane then sure.” She answered as she leaned down and touched her toes. “But I don’t think the whole, keep your friends close keep your enemy closer, thing is a bad idea either.” She whispered then stood back up. When Rebekah walked up and took the spot between Katie and Caroline, Caroline didn’t say a word.

They were headed to the women’s locker room when Rebekah asked, “So are you going to this spirit squad bonfire thing tonight?”

“I never say no to free booze.” She answered. “Will I see you there?”

“Yep.” She answered. “I’ve never been to a high school bonfire. Sounds fun.”

TVDTVDTVD

Katie was standing in her bathroom straightening her hair for the bonfire when her text tone chimed and she looked down to see a text from Alaric. “Meeting, my classroom, 8:30 tonight before the bonfire.” She read out loud then clicked the phone off.

Since she got the message a little late she got to the meeting late, she trained her ears on Alaric’s classroom and caught what they were saying. “I’ll lure Stefan away from the bonfire. Then, when he’s distracted-” Elena was saying.

“I’ll shoot him.” Alaric finished.

“What are you doing here?” Elena asked when her eyes landed on Katie.

“Alaric texted me.” Katie answered with a tone that suggested it was obvious.

“Was I not supposed to?” Alaric asked with a look between Katie and Elena. Elena shook her head no with raised brows and tight lips. “You said she made friends with Rebekah. I thought she could help distract her.”

“It’s because she’s friends with Rebekah and Klaus that we don’t trust her.” Elena told him.

“I told you why I’m playing nice with Rebekah.” Katie said as she turned to Caroline. “And I’m not friends with Klaus.”

“You all but admitted that you would do whatever it takes to get Elijah back and Klaus and Rebekah are the only ones who know where he is.” Damon told her.

“We can’t trust you.” Elena told her with a snooty look that made Katie want to slap it off of her face.

“Caroline?” Katie asked as she turned to her friend that she’d been closer to since they turned.

“I’m sorry. I don’t like it, but they have a point. If you loved him enough to link yourself to him what else are you willing to do?” Caroline answered.

“Does Bonnie feel the same way you all do?” Katie asked Caroline who nodded with sad eyes knowing this was hurting Katie. And it did hurt her, but hurt quickly turned to anger. It pissed her off to no end that her friends would turn their backs on her like that. “You know what?” she turned her eyes to Elena, Damon and Caroline then back to Elena. “You can all go to hell.” She turned to walk out of the room.

“Katie don’t be like that.” Caroline said as Katie slammed into Tyler who was walking in.

“Whoa, you good?” Tyler asked as he grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back.

“Let me get a keg in me then ask me again.” Katie commented as she walked around him and out of the room.

TVDTVDTVD

Katie was standing at the bonfire working on her tenth cup of beer still fuming, when a football player classmate of hers walked over. “Happy first day.”

“Yeah, not so much.” She answered back with a polite smile.

“Are you at least enjoying the bonfire?” he asked, trying to make conversation with her, but all she could concentrate on was the blood pumping through his veins.

“I am now.” she turned toward him with a flirty smile and put her hand on her hip, putting her boobs on display in the tight somewhat low cut tank top she was wearing.

“You wanna go make some s’mores?” he asked, happy that she was showing interest in him.

“I have a better idea. Come with me.” She told him with a devious smile as she grabbed his hand and he willingly followed her out into the woods. When she was sure they were far enough away that no one would see them she shoved him against a tree and looked him in the eyes. “Don’t scream.” His eyes grew big and his heart started pounding as he watched the veins arrear under her eyes that turned blood red. She smiled with a hiss, freaking him out even more with her fangs. The fear in his eyes only made her that much happier as she sank her teeth into his neck.

After a while she let go of his shoulders and he fell to the ground as she tilted her head back and licked the blood from her lips. “God that felt good.” She sighed then looked down at the guy, “Now what do I do with you?” she said as she kneeled down and listened to his slow heartbeat.

Knowing he would die if she didn’t, she bit her wrist, opened his mouth and let a little blood fall inside. Soon after he sat up and started scrambling away from her. “What did you do to me?”

She grabbed his shirt to keep him for scooting back any further and straddled him as she looked him in the eyes. “We made out. It was fun, but it’s never happening again.” She told him then let him go. He blinked out of the compulsion then smiled at her. She grabbed his chin and tilted his head to the side to see a little blood that was left behind from the bite so she licked it clean before she stood up and held her hand out to him. When he was standing she looked him in the eyes again. “Don’t follow too closely behind me. People don’t need to know what we were doing.” she left him behind to snap out of his compulsion.

As she walked through the woods back to the party she made sure her face, neck and teeth were free of blood. She came out of the woods behind Damon, sitting on a bench at a small fire. When she walked past him he grabbed her wrist to get her attention. She stopped and looked down at him. “Did you just do what I think you just did?”

“Nope.” she answered as she pulled her wrist out of his hand and kept walking.

“You did.” He argued as he grabbed her hand pulling her to a stop. “Who are you and what have you done with Katie Cat?” he asked with a worried look at her.

“She’s right here. You’ve just never seen her this pissed off before.” she jerked her hand out of his. “Now leave me alone.” She started walking off. After a while she got bored of the stupid bonfire that she had yet to see Rebekah at and threw her cup away then headed to the parking lot. She was opening her car door when she saw flames engulf Alaric’s SUV. “Seriously, if it’s not one thing it’s another.” She sighed and closed her car door then whooshed over to Alaric. Who was trying to break the window with a lacrosse stick.

“Elena and Stefan are trapped in there.” Alaric told her as he pushed his hand through his hair in frustration. Alaric watched her thought process play out on her face as she debated leaving them in the car to burn. “Do something, Katie!”

“I don’t have to tell you that vampires and flames are a bad combination. So do not let me burn to death.” Alaric rushed off to find something to put the flames out while Katie grabbed the back hatch door, pulled it off and threw it behind her then climbed inside. She got Stefan out first and whooshed him a safe distance away from the car and laid him on the ground then whooshed back inside and wrapped her arm around a coughing Elena’s waist and whooshed her out. Regardless of whooshing through the flames, Katie’s legs caught on fire as she whooshed out. She dropped Elena and screamed in pain as fell to the ground, slapping at her legs right before Alaric threw a blanket over her, putting out the flames before they could fully engulf her.

“Thanks.” Katie huffed out as she got up.

“You’re welcome. Now let’s get out of here before it blows.” He told her and they ran over to where Katie had whooshed Stefan. Just as they got to them, the car exploded.

Stefan started waking up so she grabbed him and helped him stand on his feet. “What happened?” he asked while she held him up with her hands on his shoulders.

“Yeah I don’t know.” Katie told him as she let go of his shoulders. “You good though?”

“Yeah, no thanks to those two.” He told her with a look at Elena and Alaric.

“Okay I’m gonna go home before another car decides to spontaneously combust.” She said tiredly and started walking off.

“Katie!” Elena yelled and Katie stopped and turned around. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t do it for you.” she replied then looked at Alaric. “Sorry about your car.”

TVDTVDTVD

The next day after school, Katie drove to the cemetery. She hadn’t been to her parent’s graves since their funeral so it took her a while to remember where the headstone was. After an hour of looking she found it near a large tree the roots of which she sat on and looked at the oval picture of her parents that sat between their names engraved on the stone. “I had been hoping to feel something by coming here…” she admitted quietly looking into her mothers pretty blue eyes. “Anything to keep me tied to my humanity because I can feel it slipping away.” She hadn’t thought much about her father since she learned that he was still alive and it was his idea to leave her with her grandfather. However the memory of her mother, who didn’t want to leave her to be raised by her grandfather, had remained unscathed.

Katie moved from the tree root to sit in the grass where her mother should have been buried, but instead her ashes had been scattered here. She closed her eyes and pressed her right hand into the grass and dirt, trying to feel connected to her mother in any way she could. Trying to remember a time when things weren’t so bad.

“Almost.” Her mother encouraged her five year old daughter from where she sat next to her on a piano bench. She was teaching her to play twinkle twinkle little star. Katie touched the wrong key and stopped with a frown. “Don’t get aggravated. Practice makes perfect.” Her mother told her, but Katie didn’t try again.

“I can’t do it.” Katie pouted, staring down at her small hands in her lap.

“You can do anything you set your mind to my little Scarlett.” Her mother told her gently and grabbed her daughter’s hands, placing them back on the piano keys. “Try again.” Katie tried again and finally got it right. “You did it!” her mother made a big deal, clapping and smiling for her daughter. “Good job Katie.” Her mother held her hand up and Katie giggled and high fived her.

“Katie.” A familiar feminine voice pulled her out of her memory and drew her eyes upward to land on the blue eyes and wavy brown hair of her mother.

“Mom?” Katie asked as she stood up. “What…how…?” Katie stumbled over her words as her mother took a step to her and pulled her into a hug. “How are you here right now? I thought you were dead.”

“I am.” Her mother answered as she pulled back and looked into her daughter’s green eyes. “Your friend Bonnie cracked open the door to the other side when she brought Jeremy Gilbert back from the dead. Then last night, a witch wedged it wide open so we can interact with you.” her mother told her, but Katie was still stuck on the fact that she was talking to her dead mother. “I’ve been watching over you this whole time.”

A pained expression took over Katie’s face as her eyes slipped down to the ground. “I’ve disappointed you.”

“No sweetheart, you haven’t.” her mother answered making Katie look up at her with questioning eyes. “I disappointed you. I never wanted to leave you behind and I never should have. Your father wanted to keep the originals away from you. He said it was his family’s duty to keep who you are a secret. When he told me the story of you and Elijah I wanted you to find him. I didn’t want to keep you from someone you loved so much you tied yourself to him for eternity.” She told her. “The whole thing sounded like some bazaar fairy tale.”

“So you’re not mad at me for becoming a vampire?” Katie asked.

“No sweetheart.” Her mother shook her head and tears started slipping down Katie’s cheeks. “I always assumed you would make your choice when the time came. I never hated vampires as much as your father did, but he was raised to hate them just like the founders of this town.”

“Then why did he become a vampire?” Katie asked. “Why did you?”

“Because he thought it was the only way to protect you.” she answered. “He talked me into it. You’re father was always good at talking me into things.” She laughed.

“How did you die?” Katie asked, wanting to fill in one a blank.

“After we turned your father and I started fighting about what was best for you. He wanted to find Elijah and Klaus and keep them from you. I thought the best thing for you was to be under Elijah’s protection until you were old enough to be given your memories and decide if you wanted to be with him.” Katie listened tentatively. “I became involved with some witches, attempting to track down Elijah.” she walked around Katie and sat down on her side of the headstone. Katie turned, keeping her eyes on her mother. “Your father found out what I was doing and…stopped me.”

“He killed you?” Katie asked with wide unbelieving eyes.

“He didn’t mean to. He was aiming to throw the stake at my neck, but his aim was horrible and he hit my heart.” Hatred flashed in Katie’s eyes. “Do not hate him, Katie. He was doing what he was raised to do. He genuinely thought he was protecting everyone, including you.”

“How am I not supposed to hate the man that left me to be raised by an abusive grandfather and killed my mother?” Katie asked with wide watery eyes.

“He is still your family. Your true family.” Her mother told her.

“If he really cared about me he would have come back.” Katie argued.

“Maybe so, but do me a favor after you graduate go find him and talk to him.” she asked and Katie just stared at her. “You need to talk this out with him Katie. Make him see that you are okay. Promise me.”

“I promise.” Katie nodded.

“About your recent decisions…” her mother started with a stern look and a lifted brow. “You are a good, loyal friend. Get over your anger and find a way to remind your friends that you haven’t changed.”

“But I have changed, Mom.” Katie argued.

“You have. You’re stronger, more stubborn, you grew a backbone. But you still love your friends.” her mother pointed out. “You’re upset with Elena and rightfully so. But you have been friends with her since you shared a playpen with her and Matt. Work it out with her or you will lose her. Caroline and Bonnie too. I’ve seen many groups of friends divide over conflicts like yours and I don’t want to see that happen to your little group.” Katie bit her lip and looked down at her mothers white Keds. “Look at me Katie Scarlette.” Her mother told her in the authoritative voice she remembered. “Fix things with them.”

“I don’t think I can.” Katie looked up at her mother realizing that it had grown dark out.

“You can and you will.” Her mother assured her. “Now, when it comes to the originals.” Her mother started with a stern face. “Klaus killed you and doesn’t have a good reputation. Don’t trust him. Rebekah is wishy washy so trust her at your own risk. Elijah, he’s noble and keeps his word, him you can trust, but I’m sure you know that since Sheila’s spell had been lifted. I wouldn’t have been looking for him if I didn’t trust his reputation.” She brushed Katie’s hair out of her face. “I never got the chance to give you love advice and I don’t think we have much more time so I’ll give you a crash course. First, if it feels like he isn’t treating you right then he probably isn’t so don’t put up with it. If he ever hits you, leave him then and there. Don’t wait for it to get worse or make excuses. And lastly, follow your heart.”

“And if my heart and my head say two different things?” Katie asked.

“Always go with your heart.” Her mother answered.

“What if my heart leads me down a dark path?” Katie asked again, making her mother smile.

“You still don’t listen very well. What did I just tell you?” she asked.

Katie looked down at her hands and smiled, “Always go with your heart. You realize you’re giving me conflicting advice right?” She looked up expecting to see her mother, but she was gone. “Mom?” she looked around but didn’t see her anywhere in the dark cemetery. “Momma?” When no answer came a tear slipped down her face and she wiped it away with the back of her hand.

TVDTVDTVD

The next afternoon she got a call from Alaric. “Hey, you have an extensive knowledge of the original family right?” He asked after she answered the phone.

“You could say that. Why?” she asked skeptically.

“I need your help with something.” he told her.

“I’m not helping people who don’t trust me.” She said as she shook her head and shrugged.

“I trust you.” he told her, making her feel like crying.

“You are working with Elena and Damon. You may trust me but they don’t. So it’s nothing personal but I can’t help you.”

“Okay. Never mind then.” Alaric replied then hung up.

TVDTVDTVD

After sitting around the house by herself for the most part of the day she decided she didn’t feel like being by herself. Since her friends no longer trusted her Katie went to the store, bought the three classic flavors of ice cream, Oreos, peanut butter and milk and headed to the boarding house. “Rebekah?” she called letting herself inside.

“In here.” Rebekah’s voice came from the kitchen and Katie found her sitting at the bar with a drink in her hand. “What do you want?”

“To hang out with the only friend I still have.” Katie answered as she walked around the bar and set the bags down.

“What are you talking about?” Rebekah asked with a frown.

“I’m friends with you and I didn’t tell Klaus to stick it where the sun doesn't shine. So now they believe I will do whatever it takes to get Elijah back.” Katie answered as she took the junk food out of the plastic bags. “I’m untrustworthy.” She rolled her eyes then threw the bags in the trash. “So how’s your day been?”

“Your friend Elena informed me that Klaus killed my mother.” Rebekah told her and Katie froze.

“I thought Mikael killed your mother.” Katie pointed out with a frown.

“Your friends found a cave under this town that my siblings and I used to play in. It was filled with hieroglyphics that told the story of our family including my mother’s death.” She told her.

“Damn. Sounds like you could use this more than me.” Katie said with a motion to the pints of chocolate, strawberry and vanilla ice cream.

"Ice cream?" She asked with a look at the containers.

"And Oreos with peanut butter or milk for dipping." She answered as she put the milk in the ice box.

"Do I look twelve to you?" Rebekah deadpanned.

"Okay. I'll eat it myself." Katie said with a shrug as she put her hand on top of the pint of strawberry ice cream, but Rebekah snatched it out from under her hand. Katie fought the smile that wanted to take over her lips as she grabbed two spoons out of the drawer and handed Rebekah one then grabbed the vanilla ice cream for her.

“So people really dip Oreos in peanut butter?” Rebekah asked with an indecisive face.

“Yeah, I hear it’s good, but I don’t eat Oreos.” Katie answered as she stabbed the spoon into the white ice cream. “Or any kind of chocolate for that matter.” She added as she grabbed the chocolate ice cream and stuck it in the freezer.

“What is wrong with you?” Rebekah asked, making Katie laugh because she got that reaction every time she told someone she didn’t like chocolate.

“I grew up in a house with a grandfather who didn’t allow me to eat sugar.” She explained. “By the time I got old enough to disobey him my taste buds were kind of locked in place. Vanilla and strawberry is about as sweet as I can handle.”

“Anyone ever told you you’re weird?” she asked then put a spoon full of pink ice cream in her mouth then turned the spoon upside down and pulled it out.

“All the time.” She told her then took a bite of ice cream. “So…I can’t help but wonder…what all did Elijah tell you about me after Klaus killed me?”

“He said you were wildly beautiful, hard headed, strong willed and you couldn’t cook to save your life. He also mentioned your songbird voice.” Rebekah answered and Katie smiled. “If I’m being honest I don’t get the wildly beautiful part.”

“My hair was different back then. More copper than auburn and a huge mess of tight curls.” Katie pulled up a picture of the sketch that had been drawn of her, Jonah and Ronan. “This is me/Hannah.” She turned the phone around.

“Other than the hair and lack of freckles you look the same.” Rebekah observed and Katie closed out the photo.

“This is going to sound nosy, but…”

“You want to know about his past romances.” Rebekah said with a know-it-all smile and Katie nodded. “Elijah’s only had a few romances over the last thousand years. You were one of the greatest and longest. Klaus really hurt him when he killed you.” She told her as she scooped ice cream out of the carton. “Now that I think about it, you should probably run.” She told her as they both took a bite.

Katie swallowed with a frown. “Why?”

“Because Elijah’s history with women is somewhat tragic.” Rebekah told her and Katie grabbed her ice cream and hopped up on the kitchen cabinet behind her. Rebekah looked at her through narrowed eyes. “I don’t know if I should be telling you this.”

“Please?” Katie stabbed her spoon into the ice cream. “I don’t want to be blind sided by anything when I finally get him back.”

Rebekah thought about it for a second. “Fine. The first woman I ever knew of him loving was the first doppelganger, Tatia. He and Niklaus both loved her actually.” Rebekah told her and Katie breathed in a deep breath and held it for a second before she let it out. “This displeases you?”

“Let’s just say I have a very strong dislike for the two doppelgangers I’ve met.” Katie answered, but made herself get over it because Tatia is dead. “How’d she die?”

“Our mother killed her for her blood to use in the ritual that turned us into what we are.” Rebekah answered. “I believe you’ve met his second love.” Rebekah said and Katie cocked her head to the side in confusion. “Katerina Petrova.”

“Please tell me you’re joking.” Katie said with a slightly angry tilt of her head and Rebekah shook her head no. “Is there a man alive that skank hasn���t slept with?”

“You really hate Katherine don’t you?” Rebekah asked with an amused smile.

“Hate isn’t a strong enough word.” Katie answered the hopped down off of the bar, set her ice cream on the counter and placed her palms on it for support. “Keep going please.”

“There’s only two more that I know of. A witch named Celeste who was killed because of Klaus. Then you…also killed by Klaus.” She finished and Katie was glad that there were no more doppelgangers notched into Elijah’s metaphorical bed post. “Like I said, his love life is tragic.” Rebekah noticed Katie’s face and her hand that rested on her stomach. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah I’m just…processing.” Katie answered, staring down at her ice cream.

“Hey you asked.” Rebekah laughed. “You had to know you weren’t the only one he’d ever been with.”

“It’s not the amount of women that’s bothering me.” Katie answered. “It’s the two doppelgangers.” She said then snapped out of her shock and put the lid back on her ice cream, her spoon in the dishwasher and put the ice cream container in a plastic bag to take the rest of it home. “Thank you for well, being a friend to me when I don’t have any, but I think it’s time for me to go home.” She grabbed the bag and took her keys out of her pocket as she headed to the front door.

When she opened the door she slammed into Damon. “Hey.” He pushed her back and tried to make eye contact with her but she looked down and brushed past him out the door. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Damon just leave me alone for once.” She felt him grab her hand and she tried to jerk it away, but his grip was too tight. “Let go of me.” She practically growled at him.

“Did Rebekah do something to you?” he asked.

She glared up at him. “You do not get to ask me questions. The last time I answered one you used it against me. Thanks to you I have no one.”

“You still have me.” He told her and a fire ignited behind her eyes.

“I lost you the second you got yourself involved in yet another doppelganger love triangle.” She practically spat the words at him. “Now let me go before I make you.” she told him through gritted teeth.

Damon let go of her and lifted his hands in surrender. “Just do me a favor and don’t eat another football player.”

“I’ll do whatever the hell I feel like doing.” She told him as she walked away.

[issamhysa]

Catboy! Bjorn would include...

A/N: Oh lawd he coming!

As usual, tagging @piratecult, my absolute partner in chaos. 

Bjorn is the biggest out of your four boys

You like to call him Big Chungus

He's not a fan

It’s not like he’s fat or anything

But compared to the other three, he’s fucking huge

He’s also the oldest, so he’s pretty independent

He doesn’t like it when you do things for him, especially when he’s fully capable of doing them himself

And thank the gods for that

That being said, Bjorn does help around the house a great deal more than the other three

Whether it’s doing the laundry, cleaning the house, or looking after his brothers

Though he’s understandably less thrilled about having to take care of his brothers, he’ll do it for your sake

His night vision isn’t as good as it used to be

So count on him constantly bumping into shit when he’s trying to go back to bed after getting a glass of water

The younger ones think it’s the funniest thing ever

Bjorn is definitely that big cat that takes no shit from the others

Ivar’s not listening to you? With a smack upside the head from Bjorn, your problem is fixed

Hvitserk’s making a mess? Bjorn puts the fear of god in him

Ubbe… Actually, he’s alright with Ubbe

They get along pretty well

Now

Bjorn’s stomach is a bottomless pit

But he’s ridiculously picky about what he eats

He’s IMPOSSIBLE to cook for

Has a very specific palate and it’s the worst thing

Refuses to eat anchovies

Little stinky fish in a can? No thanks, he’s good

He treasures silence

Understandable

He does live with Ivar and Hvitserk, aka the two most obnoxious assholes you’ll ever meet

So when they’re sleeping or they’re out with you, Bjorn is back home living his best life

Lounging on the couch or by the sunny window

He doesn’t like being moved

Whether it’s from the couch of the floor, he refuses to move

You have to nudge him with your foot in order to get him to move

And even then, he’ll rarely actually move

So you’ll have to step over him or go around

Not a big fan of being petted

However, Bjorn is a sucker for chin scratches and don’t let him tell you otherwise

He likes beard scratches as well

He’ll literally melt and lean closer

He won’t move until you stop or he decides he’s had enough (for now)

Bjorn is relatively quiet

When he’s not scolding Ivar and Hvitserk, I mean

Or purring while you give him lil scritchies

For the most part, he’s a pretty solitary cat

He won’t interact with anybody, not even his brothers, unless he has to

Or unless you ask him

Because he can’t say no to you

He doesn’t like guys that walk into your house

Bjorn and Ivar are alike in this aspect, they just don’t trust men

He’s fine with girls, but he’s very particular about who he lets himself get petted by

Enjoys watching birds

He doesn’t really have anything else to do anyway

So he’ll sit by the window and watch the birds swoop in and out of the birdbath in your backyard

Or stare at the bird feeder for hours

Bjorn sheds a lot

More than Ivar

But he actually helps clean up without complaining!

He definitely drinks

Not enough to get drunk, just when it’s purely social

He prefers drinking alone, but will occasionally drink when there are guests in the house

Or if you’re drinking

His favorite is definitely whiskey

Neat, straight from the bottle

Should he be drinking it like that? Probably not

Should he be drinking in general? Probably not

Is that gonna stop him from enjoying his goddamned glass of whiskey? Of course it’s not

And try stopping him

Let me know how that goes

[twoidiotwriters1]

Written In The Stars LXIX (Harry Potter xF!Oc)

A/N: I’m so pissed bc last chapter came out in September 1st and I just ignored it??? I’m such an idiot?? Physically I’m on quarantine, spiritually I’m wherever these losers are -Danny

Words: 4,499

Warnings: None!

Series’ Masterilst

Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

Chapter Four: Bagman and Crouch.

"Morning, Basil," Mr. Weasley picked up the boot and handed it to the wizard.

"Really, why can't wizards just use cars?" Mel grumbled from the ground.

Two hands reach out for her and she found Fred and Harry standing side by side. The first one had an innocent and amused expression. Harry, however, glanced at the boy beside him with slight annoyance.

"Thank you boys," She said, quickly holding onto both hands and standing up.

"Told you," Fred chuckled.

"Is apparating just as uncomfortable as this?"

"Wouldn't know," He shrugged. "Never done it."

She brushed the dirt off her clothes, a little startled at the way Harry grabbed her bag and eagerly handed it back to her, still glaring at Fred in a strange way while the twin pretended not to notice, a sly smile on his face as he walked back to where his twin was.

"Hello there, Arthur," said Basil. "Not on duty, eh? It's all right for some... We've been here all night... You'd better get out of the way, we've got a big party coming in from the Black Forest at five-fifteen. Hang on, I'll find your campsite... Weasley... Weasley..."

"I'm sorry about my dad," Said a voice she wasn't familiar with. It was Cedric. "He's one of those who doesn't think twice before talking, but he's not a bad man..."

"It's okay," Mel grinned. "I'm one of those who does not think twice before snapping at someone. Bet you've heard..."

Cedric scrunched up his nose in a way that Mel considered adorable.

"Might have, once or twice."

"I'm also nice, I promise," She reached out a hand for him to shake, which he did almost immediately.

"It's a pleasure to oficially meet, then," He nodded, wearing his best smile.

"–About a quarter of a mile's walk over there, first field you come to. Site manager's called Mr. Roberts." Mr. Weasley's friend told them out loud. "Diggory... second field... ask for Mr. Payne."

"Thanks, Basil," said Mr. Weasley, and everyone followed him.

"So this is your last year at Hogwarts?" She asked the boy, considering a bit awkward to just walk in silence.

"Yeah," He shrugged. "I'm not sure of what I'll do once I'm done, but I think I might travel a bit before working."

"Any place in particular?" Cedric pondered, taking her question very seriously.

"Some place warm."

She nodded, thinking of anything else she could add, however, Cedric talked first.

"Is it true that Dumbledore gives you extra lessons?"

"Yes," She smiled. "It's sort of a family thing, and since my dad isn't around to teach me..."

It wasn't entirely true, but Dumbledore had admitted that her abilities were a thing women in their family had, so it wasn't a lie either.

"That's cool," Cedric replied. "Is he good at teaching?"

"The best," Mel continued eagerly. "He knows ever so many things about almost everything! I'd love to be like him once I'm older."

"Well, you're a Dumbledore," The boy raised his eyebrows. "I'm sure the brains must be part of the family as well." She laughed at this, not sure of how to answer. Instead, she casually changed the subject to Quidditch.

"So are you a Bulgaria, or Ireland supporter?"

Cedric quickly perked up at this, seemengly happy to talk about something so normal that had nothing to do with families.

"Ireland, I think... but my dad's with Rumania, so I have to support a little quieter..." They laughed discretely at his words.

Next fifteen minutes past rather quickly, Cedric was nice and social enough to keep the conversation flowing, Mel felt a little guilty of how everyone at school perceived him as just as pretty face with no brains or goals. She made a mental note to never let any of her friends make any negative comments about Cedric ever again.

When the time came that they had to part, Cedric waved at her joyfully and she returned it, hoping to see him again soon. She felt someone nudged her arm and turned to look at Harry, who pointed at the group that was already moving forward.

"Sorry," She said with a small smile. "Won't stay behind again, promise."

"Boys have been awfully nice to you lately..." He grumbled, looking back at Cedric over his shoulder.

"It certainly does feel better than to be chasen down a street while they threw rocks at you, you know?"

Harry's eyes widened, cheeks flushing at her words.

"Yeah, you're... you're right," He cleared his throat.

"Morning!" said Mr. Weasley, waving at a man standing near.

"Morning," the man (a muggle, for the looks of it) answered.

"Would you be Mr. Roberts?"

"Aye, I would," said Mr. Roberts. "And who're you?"

"Weasley — two tents, booked a couple of days ago?"

"Aye," said Mr. Roberts, consulting a list tacked to the door. "You've got a space up by the wood there. Just the one night?"

"That's it," said Mr. Weasley.

"You'll be paying now, then?" said Mr. Roberts.

"Ah — right — certainly —" said Mr. Weasley. He retreated a short distance from the cottage and beckoned Harry toward him. "Help me, Harry," he muttered, pulling a roll of Muggle money from his pocket and starting to peel the notes apart. "This one's a — a — a ten? Ah yes, I see the little number on it now. . . . So this is a five?"

"A twenty," Harry threw a desperate look her way, probably nervous about the man who was listening closely to their conversation.

"Ah yes, so it is... I don't know, these little bits of paper..." Mr. Weasley grumbled.

"You foreign?" said Mr. Roberts.

"Foreign?"

"You're not the first one who's had trouble with money. I had two try and pay me with great gold coins the size of hubcaps ten minutes ago."

"Did you really?"

"Never been this crowded... Hundreds of pre-bookings. People usually just turn up..."

"Is that right?" said Mr. Weasley, insisting for the man to take the money he was holding out but failing to succeed.

"Aye– People from all over. Loads of for- eigners. And not just foreigners. Weirdos, you know? There's a bloke walking 'round in a kilt and a poncho."

"Shouldn't he?" asked Mr. Weasley nervously.

"It's like some sort of... I dunno... like some sort of rally... They all seem to know each other. Like a big party."

"Obliviate!" A second man exclaimed, pointing his wand at Mr. Roberts.

"A map of the campsite for you," Mr. Roberts said after a moment of quiet change on his features. "And your change."

"Thanks very much," said Mr. Weasley.

The wizard who had charmed the muggle accompanied them to the door.

"Been having a lot of trouble with him. Needs a Memory Charm ten times a day to keep him happy. And Ludo Bagman's not helping. Trotting around talking about Bludgers and Quaffles at the top of his voice, not a worry about anti-Muggle security. Blimey, I'll be glad when this is over. See you later, Arthur." And with that, he disapparated.

"I thought Mr. Bagman was Head of Magical Games and Sports," said Ginny. "He should know better than to talk about Bludgers near Muggles, shouldn't he?"

"He should," said Mr. Weasley. "but Ludo's always been a bit... well... lax about security. You couldn't wish for a more enthusiastic head of the sports department though. He played Quidditch for England himself, you know. And he was the best Beater the Wimbourne Wasps ever had."

Halfway up the field stood an extravagant confection of striped silk like a miniature palace, with several live peacocks tethered at the entrance. A little farther on they passed a tent that had three floors and several turrets; and a short way beyond that was a tent that had a front garden attached, complete with birdbath, sundial, and fountain.

"Always the same," said Mr. Weasley, smiling. "We can't resist showing off when we get together. Ah, here we are, look, this is us." They had reached the very edge of the wood at the top of the field, and here was an empty space, with a small sign hammered into the ground that read weezly.

"Couldn't have a better spot!" said Mr. Weasley happily. "The field is just on the other side of the wood there, we're as close as we could be." He hoisted his backpack from his shoulders. "Right," he said excitedly, "no magic allowed, strictly speaking, not when we're out in these numbers on Muggle land. We'll be putting these tents up by hand! Shouldn't be too difficult. . . . Muggles do it all the time. . . . Here, Harry, where do you reckon we should start?"

"Harry has never gone camping before," Mel told him gently. "But I used to put up a tent for when we camped outside my house, remember Harry? I can help, don't worry..."

However, Harry insisting on helping anyway. Soon Emily, Mel, Harry, and Hermione had the tents ready. The problem was that there was only two and they were too small for all the people in their group, she turned to inform her mother about this when Mr. Weasley spoke up.

"We'll be a bit cramped, but I think we'll all squeeze in. Come and have a look."

She turned to her mother fully now, a quizzical look on her face while the woman chuckled, pushing her further.

"You'll love this..." Was all she commented.

And love it she did. Inside it looked like she had entered an actual flat, it had three rooms, a kitchen and a bathroom. It was impressive, but Mel thought it took out a little of the charm, camping wasn't supposed to be this comfortable, or so she'd thought before.

"You want to come with us on an adventure?" Ron asked, suddenly appearing at the entrance.

"Where to?" She asked, leaving her backpack on a chair.

He showed her the kettle he kept on his hands.

"To get water."

Everything around them invited her to give up on the no-magic rule and explore, so many different people, of all ages, colors and sizes!

She allowed herself to imagine a great deal, the homes and cities and comunities these wizards and witches may lived on, their families and background. A much more larger world for her to see...

Cedric's idea about traveling before settling down made complete sense to her, and she remembered the talk she'd had with Harry a few years prior, about them traveling the world together, sending postcards to their friends and family from all around the globe.

A fuzzy feeling made its way through her chest at this, picturing the endless adventures she could have with her best friend as adults and free from school.

"Er — is it my eyes, or has everything gone green?" asked Ron, bringing her back to the present.

It wasn't just Ron's eyes. They had walked into a patch of tents that were all covered with a thick growth of shamrocks, so that it looked as though small, oddly shaped hillocks had sprouted out of the earth. Grinning faces could be seen under those that had their flaps open. Then, from behind them, they heard their names.

"Harry! Mel! Ron! Hermione!"

Seamus Finnigan was sitting in front of his own tent, with a woman that had to be his mother,  Dean Thomas was also there.

"Like the decorations?" said Seamus. "The Ministry's not too happy."

"Ah, why shouldn't we show our colors?" said the woman. "You should see what the Bulgarians have got dangling all over their tents. You'll be supporting Ireland, of course?"

"Sure..."

"Of course!"

"Like we'd say anything else surrounded by that lot." Ron said under his breath once they left Finnigan's tent to keep going on their quest. Mel snorted, just nodding as a reply.

"I wonder what the Bulgarians have got dangling all over their tents?" said Hermione.

"Let's go and have a look," said Harry.

The tents here had not been bedecked with plant life, but each and every one of them had the same poster attached to it, a poster of a very surly face with heavy black eyebrows. The picture was, of course, moving, but all it did was blink and scowl.

"Krum," said Ron quietly.

"What?" said Hermione.

"Krum!" said Ron. "Viktor Krum, the Bulgarian Seeker!"

"He looks really grumpy," said Hermione, looking around at the many Krums blinking and scowling at them.

" 'Really grumpy '?" Ron raised his eyes to the heavens. "Who cares what he looks like? He's unbelievable. He's really young too. Only just eighteen or something. He's a genius, you wait until tonight, you'll see."

"I hardly believe that being a good seeker makes you a genius," Mel commented.

"Thanks," Harry replied grumpily.

"I didn't say you were stupid," She grinned. "Though coming to think about it, you've done some foolish things throughout the years..."

"You're one to talk!" He teased.

"I am, actually," Mel smiled. "I remember when we were ten and you tried to escape your Aunt Marge's dog..."

"Don't say it–"

"And you ended up on top of a tree until midnight because she just wouldn't call her dog," Mel giggled. "Which was very rude of her, but come on– you climbed a tree instead of running to my house!"

"I was ten!" He exclaimed over Ron's cackles. "Oh, bugger off..."

There was a line for the tap. Harry, Mel, Ron, and Hermione joined it, behind a pair of men who were arguing. One of them was wearing a nightgown. The other was a Ministry wizard a holding a pair of trousers and beyond exasperated.

"Just put them on, Archie, there's a good chap. You can't walk around like that, the Muggle at the gate's already getting suspicious —"

"I bought this in a Muggle shop," said the old wizard stubbornly. "Muggles wear them."

"Muggle women wear them, Archie, not the men, they wear these," said the Ministry wizard, and he brandished the pinstriped trousers.

"I'm not putting them on," said old Archie in indignation. "I like a healthy breeze 'round my privates, thanks."

Hermione was overcome with such a strong fit of the giggles at this point that she had to duck out of the queue and only returned when Archie had collected his water and moved away.

Walking more slowly now, because of the weight of the water, they made their way back through the campsite. Here and there, they saw more familiar faces: other Hogwarts students with their families. Oliver Wood, the old captain of Harry's House Quidditch team, who had just left Hogwarts, dragged Harry over to his parents' tent to introduce him, and told him excitedly that he had just been signed to the Puddlemere United reserve team. Next they were hailed by Ernie Macmillan, a Hufflepuff fourth year, and a little farther on they saw Cho Chang, a very pretty girl who played Seeker on the Ravenclaw team. She waved and smiled at Harry, who slopped quite a lot of water down his front as he waved back.

Now, Mel wasn't going to admit that the huff that came out of her mouth right at that moment was because of the boy's reaction, but Ron definitely made sure to tease both of them relentlessly until Harry found the perfect excuse, pointing at some tent at his left.

"Who d'you reckon they are? They don't go to Hogwarts, do they?"

" 'Spect they go to some foreign school," said Ron. "I know there are others. Never met anyone who went to one, though. Bill had a penfriend at a school in Brazil... this was years and years ago... and he wanted to go on an exchange trip but Mum and Dad couldn't afford it. His penfriend got all offended when he said he wasn't going and sent him a cursed hat. It made his ears shrivel up."

"That's awful," Mel said over Harry's laughter. "Might been silly, but I never stopped to think about other Schools... I was too excited about being admitted into one that it went right over my head..."

"Me neither," Harry admitted. "I'd love to know a bit about them, though."

"You've been gone ages," George groaned as they entered the boys' tent.

"You're welcome," Mel replied, lightly slapping his head as she walked past.

"Met a few people," said Ron. "You not got that fire started yet?"

"Dad's having fun with the matches," Fred pointed towards the entrance with a stern face.

Mr. Weasley was having no success at all in lighting the fire, but it wasn't for lack of trying. Splintered matches littered the ground around him, but he looked as though he was having the time of his life.

"Oops!" he said as he managed to light a match and promptly dropped it in surprise.

"Come here, Mr. Weasley," said Hermione kindly, taking the box from him, and showing him how to do it properly.

At last they got the fire lit, though it was at least another hour before it was hot enough to cook anything. There was plenty to watch while they waited, however. Their tent seemed to be pitched right alongside a kind of thoroughfare to the field, and Ministry members kept hurrying up and down it, greeting Mr. Weasley cordially as they passed.

"That was Cuthbert Mockridge, Head of the Goblin Liaison Office... Here comes Gilbert Wimple; he's with the Committee on Experimental Charms; he's had those horns for a while now... Hello, Arnie . . . Arnold Peasegood, he's an Obliviator — member of the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad, you know... and that's Bode and Croaker... they're Unspeakables..."

"They're what?"

"From the Department of Mysteries, top secret, no idea what they get up to..."

Mel's eyes lingered on the people Mr. Weasley had mentioned. Something about the circumstances of their job and the name gave her a thrill, imagining all the things they may see on a daily basis.

At last, the fire was ready, and they had just started cooking eggs and sausages when Bill, Charlie, and Percy came strolling out of the woods toward them.

"Just Apparated, Dad," said Percy loudly. "Ah, excellent, lunch!"

They were halfway through their plates of eggs and sausages when Mr. Weasley jumped to his feet, waving and grinning at a man who was striding toward them.

"Aha!" he said. "The man of the moment! Ludo!"

"Ahoy there! Arthur, old man, What a day, eh? What a day! Could we have asked for more perfect weather? A cloudless night coming... and hardly a hiccough in the arrangements... Not much for me to do!"

Behind him, a group of haggard-looking Ministry wizards rushed past, pointing at the distant evidence of some sort of a magical fire that was sending violet sparks twenty feet into the air.

Percy hurried forward with his hand outstretched. Apparently his disapproval of the way Ludo Bagman ran his department did not prevent him from wanting to make a good impression.

"Ah — yes, this is my son Percy. He's just started at the Ministry — and this is Fred — no, George, sorry — that's Fred — Bill, Charlie, Ron — my daughter, Ginny — this is Emily Sultens, mother of one of Ron's friends and Ron's friends, Hermione Granger, Mel Dumbledore and Harry Potter."

Mel smiled politely at the man, noticing how his eyes traveled from Harry's scar and settled on her face for a brief second, before returning to Mr. Weasley.

"Everyone, this is Ludo Bagman, you know who he is, it's thanks to him we've got such good tickets —"

"Fancy a flutter on the match, Arthur?" The man asked. "I've already got Roddy Pontner betting me Bulgaria will score first — I offered him nice odds, considering Ireland's front three are the strongest I've seen in years — and little Agatha Timms has put up half shares in her eel farm on a week-long match."

"Oh... go on then," said Mr. Weasley. "Let's see... a Galleon on Ireland to win?"

"A Galleon? Very well, very well... any other takers?"

"They're a bit young to be gambling," said Mr. Weasley. "Molly wouldn't like —"

"We'll bet thirty-seven Galleons, fifteen Sickles, three Knuts," said Fred, and he and his brother pulled out all the money they had. "that Ireland wins — but Viktor Krum gets the Snitch. Oh and we'll throw in a fake wand."

"You don't want to go showing Mr. Bagman rubbish like that —" Percy hissed, but Bagman didn't seem to think the wand was rubbish at all; on the contrary, his boyish face shone with excitement as he took it from Fred, and when the wand gave a loud squawk and turned into a rubber chicken, Bagman roared with laughter.

"Excellent! I haven't seen one that convincing in years! I'd pay five Galleons for that!"

Percy froze in an attitude of stunned disapproval.

"Boys," said Mr. Weasley under his breath, "I don't want you betting... That's all your savings... Your mother —"

"Don't be a spoilsport, Arthur!" boomed Ludo Bagman, rattling his pockets excitedly. "They're old enough to know what they want! You reckon Ireland will win but Krum'll get the Snitch? Not a chance, boys, not a chance... I'll give you excellent odds on that one... We'll add five Galleons for the funny wand, then, shall we..."

Mr. Weasley looked on helplessly as Ludo Bagman whipped out a notebook and quill and began jotting down the twins' names.

"Cheers," said George, taking the slip of parchment Bagman handed him and tucking it away carefully. Bagman turned most cheerfully back to Mr. Weasley.

"You shouldn't have," Mel told them worryingly. "What will you do if you lose?"

"We'll worry about that, Lady Dumbledore," Fred told her carelessly. "Don't fuss over it just yet."

"But if your mum finds out–"

"Mum's done enough for us already," George replied hastily.

"Couldn't do me a brew, I suppose? I'm keeping an eye out for Barty Crouch. My Bulgarian opposite number's making difficulties, and I can't understand a word he's saying. Barty'll be able to sort it out. He speaks about a hundred and fifty languages."

"Mr. Crouch?" said Percy, suddenly abandoning his look of poker-stiff disapproval and positively writhing with excitement. "He speaks over two hundred! Mermish and Gobbledegook and Troll..."

"Anyone can speak Troll," said Fred dismissively. "All you have to do is point and grunt."

Percy threw Fred an extremely nasty look and stoked the fire vigorously to bring the kettle back to the boil.

"Any news of Bertha Jorkins yet, Ludo?" Mr. Weasley asked as Bagman settled himself down on the grass beside them all.

"Not a dicky bird," said Bagman comfortably. "But she'll turn up. Poor old Bertha... memory like a leaky cauldron and no sense of direction. Lost, you take my word for it. She'll wander back into the office sometime in October, thinking it's still July."

"You don't think it might be time to send someone to look for her?" Mr. Weasley suggested tentatively as Percy handed Bagman his tea.

"Barty Crouch keeps saying that," said Bagman, his round eyes widening innocently, "but we really can't spare anyone at the moment. Oh — talk of the devil! Barty!"

A wizard had just Apparated at their fireside, and he could not have made more of a contrast with Ludo Bagman, sprawled on the grass in his old Wasp robes. Barty Crouch was a stiff, upright, elderly man, dressed in an impeccably crisp suit and tie. The parting in his short gray hair was almost unnaturally straight, and his narrow toothbrush mustache looked as though he trimmed it using a slide rule. His shoes were very highly polished.

"Pull up a bit of grass, Barty," said Ludo.

"No thank you, Ludo," Crouch replied. "I've been looking for you everywhere. The Bulgarians are insisting we add another twelve seats to the Top Box."

"Oh is that what they're after?" said Bagman. "I thought the chap was asking to borrow a pair of tweezers. Bit of a strong accent."

"Mr. Crouch!" Percy sort of gasped. "Would you like a cup of tea?"

"Oh," Mr. Crouch, looked over at Percy. "Yes — thank you, Weatherby"

Fred, George, and Mel had to drained their chuckles into their cups. She didn't want to make fun of him, but it was just his luck...

"Oh and I've been wanting a word with you too, Arthur," said Mr. Crouch. "Ali Bashir's on the warpath. He wants a word with you about your embargo on flying carpets."

"I sent him an owl about that just last week. If I've told him once I've told him a hundred times: Carpets are defined as a Muggle Artifact by the Registry of Proscribed Charmable Objects, but will he listen?"

"I doubt it. He's desperate to export here." Mr. Crouch took the tea, silently thanking Percy.

"Well, they'll never replace brooms in Britain, will they?" asked Bagman.

"Ali thinks there's a niche in the market for a family vehicle," said Mr. Crouch. "I remember my grandfather had an Axminster that could seat twelve — but that was before carpets were banned, of course."

Mel was elated with the conversation. It sounded like a day-to-day coming from the men in front of her, but everything sounded so fantastical she didn't have any problems to keep up with the conversation.

"So, been keeping busy, Barty?" said Bagman.

"Fairly. Organizing Portkeys across five continents is no mean feat, Ludo."

"I expect you'll both be glad when this is over?" said Mr. Weasley.

"Glad! Don't know when I've had more fun... Still, it's not as though we haven't got anything to look forward to, eh, Barty? Eh? Plenty left to organize, eh?"

"We agreed not to make the announcement until all the details —"

"Oh details!" said Bagman. "They've signed, haven't they? They've agreed, haven't they? I bet you anything these kids'll know soon enough anyway. I mean, it's happening at Hogwarts —"

"Ludo, we need to meet the Bulgarians, you know," Mr. Crouch replied sharply. "Thank you for the tea, Weatherby."

"See you all later!" Bagman said once he got up. "You'll be up in the Top Box with me — I'm commentating!"

"What's happening at Hogwarts, Dad?" said Fred. "What were they talking about?"

"You'll find out soon enough," said Mr.Weasley, a knowing smile.

"It's classified information, until such time as the Ministry decides to release it," said Percy, clearly dying to talk about it. "Mr. Crouch was quite right not to disclose it."

"Oh shut up, Weatherby," Fred rolled his eyes.

"Mum, do you know?" Mel asked.

"Molly mentioned it a few days back," Emily sighed. "Clearly, I'll keep it a secret. I won't be the one who ruins the surprise. However, I assure you I'm not entirely happy about it."

"Why's that?"

Emily just shook her head.

"You'll find out soon enough," She insisted, taking a sip of her tea.

Next Chapter —>

Taglist.

@tiphareth2018​ @vampiregirl1797​ @siriuslysirius1107​ @stardusthigh​ @vernon-dursley​ @kylosleftbuttcheek​ @tomshollandz​ @bloodorangemoonlight​ @thesuitelifeofafangirl​ @reverse-hxlland​ @omiwashere​

[subtlereferencetomyinterests]

The Ballroom

Ao3,  MasterPost

Relationships: Roceit

I know how to write Roman, in theory. In practice, it takes hours to get right. And yet, I love him. Oh! And I actually remembered to insert the italics this time, so, you’re welcome :3.

Warnings: Self-Doubt, Delusions/Hallucinations (they r not that bad), slight Trust Issues (Janus, obvs), Established Relationships, First ‘i love you’, Mentions of Greek Mythology, References to Musicals (Hadestown Hadestown Hadestown!! they sing Wedding Song together ok??), and I vaguely imply that Roman has ADHD because of course I do. 

Word count: 2,443

Every side had a room. Duh, common knowledge. The inhabitants of the Mindscape constantly barged in and out of each other’s domains without so much as a knock, usually to no more reaction than an irritated sigh. It wasn’t like it was a big deal to anyone, much like an actual family. If a trait wanted absolute privacy, well, they always had somewhere else to retreat to.

Thus brings us to the Extensions. It was well understood that you never visited one without express permission from the side who owned it. They were entirely personal settings, specific to the ‘individual’ that used it. The Extensions shifted and changed over time, just as each side’s representation, outlook, and even definition changed, but there had been a certain consistency upheld throughout the last three or four years. 

Roman’s was a theater, beautiful and ornate with a high-ceiling and perfect lighting, which of course always followed him. Logan’s was a planetarium, allowing the user to view any part of the night sky, and providing essentially all known information on astrology for those that wanted it. Patton had a garden, always filled with fresh produce and hundreds of different types of flowers; humble fountains and birdbaths were dotted along the narrow brick path that ran through the large space, at which he could often be found resting with a bunch of chrysanthemums. Remus’ was, predictably, a museum filled with almost innumerable odd and grotesque objects and devices from history- it also served as an art gallery, on occasion, offering a strange sort of beauty. Virgil’s had changed the most over the years, but it had seemed to settle on something of a vinyl record library, complete with bean bag chairs to lounge in while you listened: perfectly fitting for the hipster emo that he was at heart.

And that left Janus. Of course, no one besides the snake himself had ever seen his Extension, and for a good long time he’d intended it to stay that way. It was his business and nobody else’s- why should he want to invite someone into such a personal environment? 

But then he went and made the mistake of falling for just the someone to answer that rhetorical question. Someone who would surely be overjoyed to see it, and whom Janus loved dearly enough to maybe possibly let him.

It was a ballroom. Obviously Roman would love something like that. 

When Janus first began contemplating showing his boyfriend the Extension, he’d wanted to do something along the lines of a masquerade. He quickly deemed it excessive for Roman’s first visit, though. Just a standard setting, then! But, no, Janus didn’t want to have any of his prop people distracting his very easily distracted partner, so that was out of the question. So he would stay simple. Simple didn’t get a big reaction. Simple could be brushed under the rug if it went somehow awry (and was also less likely to go awry). Simple let him breathe.

Yet somehow it remained terrifying. Honestly, Deceit was second-guessing letting Roman in even as he was leading them down the lengthy hallway, feeling regret clawing at him with each muffled thump of his heeled boots on the carpet. 

“I want to show you something.”

“Oh? And what would that be, Loveliest Lie of All?” 

“You’ll see when we get there. Come along, before I change my mind.”

Janus extended a gloved hand, which Roman took with enthusiasm. He was raring to go without even the slightest idea what they were doing. It was a hopelessly endearing quality. 

“Whatever it is, I’m sure I’ll love it but half as much as you.”

“Only half?” Janus teased, narrowly avoiding returning the ‘L’ word, yet again (he wanted to, God did he want to, but the word died on his tongue every time).

Roman didn’t bat an eye at his deflection, merely leaning forward with a sappy smile.

“Naturally; nothing can match you, my dear.”

Yeah, no, he was committed now. This was, without a doubt, happening. Janus continued to lead his boyfriend along the hall, fielding all questions until they finally came upon the door. It was far taller than the ones around it, colored a bright canary-yellow. The trait took a deep breath and turned to Roman, whose face was bright with recognition as to what kind of entryway this was.

“This is your-”

“Yes.”

“You’re really going to show me-”

“Yes.”

“Oh,” Roman traced a hand down the door frame, as if it would shatter at a firmer touch. His eyes were wide with excitement, a grin stretching across his lips.

Janus felt as though his stomach were doing cartwheels.

“Well, then, what are we waiting for?” It was a genuine question; Deceit was open to suggestions for reasons to wait. But Roman clearly hadn’t picked up on the hesitance, too caught up in his own exuberance. 

Janus took a deep breath. He pulled the door open, and the two sides were immediately enveloped by brilliant golden light.

The ballroom was a showy place, which mightn’t have seemed to be the deceitful trait’s nature, at first glance- but, oh, did Janus adore just a dash of gaudiness. 

Roman already knew this about him. Roman knew a lot of things that took a careful eye and a lot of trust. 

Janus took the first step forward, holding Creativity’s hand in his and leading him into the baroque construct. The door snapped shut behind them, leaving them in glowing light cast down from crystalline chandeliers. Above them arched the ceiling, displaying murals of greek myths in perfect detail. The paintings danced and shifted around each other, even moving down the walls, as they played out dozens of ancient stories. It was like an animated oil painting, however impossible that would sound to a real human. 

Soft music filled the ballroom, drifting around the pair. Janus usually dressed his Extension up with fake guests; people of his own design for him to talk and laugh with. It felt safe, reassuring even, to be completely in control of things, including your compatriots. But now, the room was empty, save for him and his real guest. Janus turned his gaze back to Roman, trying to disguise his nervousness.

“Well?” 

Roman crosses his arms over his chest. He clicks his tongue, giving the surroundings a sweeping glance. At best, he’s unimpressed, at worst, he’s outright disdainful. 

“All that buildup, really, for this? What is even the point of such an Extension, Janus?” Roman’s intricately designed shoes clack against the hardwood floor as he further examines the room. He stops in the center, whirling to face Janus. “I’d hoped that this big reveal would make up for all of your other failings as a partner, but I suppose you’re just fated to disappoint me! And it took you months to show me this waste of architecture? Now, that’s just pathetic.”

With a scoff, Roman leaves. 

The scene Janus had unconsciously played came to an abrupt end. He staggered, blinking his eyes back into focus. Roman wasn’t looking down at him, gaze cold and unwavering; rather, he was spinning around the room as he drank in the decorations. He quite looked like he’d never had a malicious thought in his entire life, joyful as he was.

“Oh, Jay, this is gorgeous! Not as much as you, of course- but it is just astounding,” he beamed at Janus, who offered a smirk in return and rolled his mismatched eyes (though he could feel the human side of his face flush bright at the compliment). Before he had a proper response, however, Roman’s gaze caught on something behind him. The trait crossed the room in just a few strides. 

“Is that…?”

Janus turned on his heel and followed, his eyes landing on the painting that distracted his prince. The tale of Orpheus and Eurydice, a colorful-yet-accurate depiction, ‘painted’ in a somewhat impressionist style. It was easily one of Janus’ favorite myths; evidently Roman was a fan just the same. 

“I’m glad you like it,” the honesty was bitter on his tongue. It was well worth it. “I find mythology inspiring, to say the least.” 

Creativity ran his hand along the mural, a giddy laugh escaping him. Without the slightest of warnings, he spun around and grabbed one of Janus’ hands in both of his.

“Lover, tell me, if you can- who’s gonna buy the wedding bands? Times being what they are. Hard and getting harder all the time,” his singing was elated and bubbly, the lilt of one well-familiar with the lyrics he recited. Janus laughed and leaned into his partner. 

“You want to be Eurydice?”

“Just play along!” 

Janus sighed, far too fond for the exasperation he’d been aiming for, and pulled Roman in close. He settled his hands at The Prince’s hips, leading them in a mostly formless dance.

“Lover, when I sing my song, all the rivers sing along. And they're gonna break their banks for me, to lay their gold around my feet. All a-flashing in the pan, all to fashion for your hand. The river’s gonna give us the wedding bands,” once, Roman had told him his voice was honey, slow and sweet. That conversation came back to him, bringing a lanquidity to his singing just so he could soak in the lovestruck expression it earned him. 

“Lover, tell me, if you're able, who's gonna lay the wedding table? Times being what they are. Dark and getting darker all the time.”

Their simply patterned steps led them in wide circles around the room. Janus subconsciously let the jazz that usually rang across his ballroom slip away, only to be replaced with the instrumentals to their ballad. 

“Lover, when I sing my song, All the trees gonna sing along, And bend their branches down to me, To lay their fruit around my feet. The almond and the apple, And the sugar from the maple. The trees gonna lay the wedding table.” 

And so on they continued for the song’s duration- taking their turns with the lyrics, eyes only for each other despite the beauty of their surroundings.

When Janus reached the last line, he drew out the note until his voice faded to nothing more than a lingering hum of the tune. Softly, his standard background music returned to accompany them as the remnants of their duet slipped away. 

They eased to a gentle sway. Roman dropped his head onto Janus’ shoulder with a sigh.

“Thank you.”

“What for, my dear?”

“Bringing me here. Trusting me,” Creativity mumbled into his collar. 

“Of course,” Janus whispered, letting go of the side’s hips to properly wrap his arms around him. 

Roman raised his head, just enough to look Deceit in the eyes. 

“I love you,” he announced, open and honest and completely unexpectant- everything that Janus wasn’t. It was the same way he always said it; with a fierceness as though he was proving his point in an argument, yet somehow remaining gentle and caring. A mere statement, one that never even hinted at a need for response. It simply was, a fact thrown into the world with reckless abandon. 

Nothing terrified Janus more. But, between the duet and Roman’s reaction to the Extension, Janus felt something a bit more foreign than fear welling in him. 

Bravery.

“I love you, too.”

Roman pulls back from their embrace, a cruel laugh falling from his lips. He fixes Janus with a patronizing glare.

“Oh, you love me, do you? You sure know how to show it,” he taunts, backing further away from the snake. There is something dark that glints behind his eyes. “I only tell you that I love you a million times a day, to radio silence, and it’s only now you deign to reciprocate? Barely any fanfare, as though such a confession alone makes up for all the doubt you’ve brought me?”

Janus tries to speak, to make use of and flaunt his eloquence, to orchestrate those perfect sentences to craft himself some semblance of a defense. But all he can do is choke. 

“I don’t know why I ever expected better from you. It’s obvious that you can’t change, Deceit.”

And Roman leaves. 

Except he didn’t. It wasn’t real. Janus squeezed his eyes shut for just a second, blinking them open to see the real Roman- who, thankfully, seemed to be too preoccupied to take note of his… episode.

Roman was wide-eyed, completely still in Janus’ arms. He tilted back, and for a petrifying second the deceitful side thought he really was going to let go, but thankfully he didn’t go far. The Prince gripped tightly to Janus’ shoulders, holding on as if to keep himself steady. He let out a shaky laugh- soft and reverent and nothing like his nightmare version’s cackle. Because he wasn’t that, despite what Deceit’s mistrusting mind would try to convince him. 

“You said it,” Roman said at last, his voice small but his smile wide.

“I’m aware,” finally, am I right? Janus bit his tongue on that. I’m sorry, he couldn’t find the strength to say. I mean it, I’ve meant it for so long, please believe me, also went unspoken. What he settled on was:

“This is the easiest thing in the world for me.”

“I’m so proud of you.”

“Why? You tell me-” a shiver chased down his back, “-you tell me you love me a million times a day.”

“Yes, I do that. I suppose it’s just in my nature, after all. Regardless, it would be wrong of me to expect you act like me, because you’re you. And ‘you’ happens to be someone I love very, very much.”

Janus let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. 

“... I love you, too.”

Roman chuckled, bonking his nose against Janus’ affectionately.

“Two in one day? I must be the luckiest man in the world.”

“Shut up, I’m only to make up for lost time. Don’t get used to it.”

“Of course not, my love.” 

Janus sighed- relief, mostly, but infatuation crept its way into the sound. He picked up humming to the light melodies that played, resuming the swaying movements that had been forgotten in the face of confessions. Roman followed his lead, his grin delightfully infectious. 

“We should get back soon,” the artistic trait admitted, sounding very much like he considered it someone else’s problem- one that he did not intend on concerning himself with, at that. Janus hummed, feigning deep thought. He let his head fall against Roman’s shoulder, eyes falling closed as he responded. 

“Just one more song, Darling?” 

“Oh, if you insist.”

“Insist I do.” 

Roman stayed.

@shrimp-crockpot

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #315

“can’t breathe to scream  /  suffocating in this dream  /  long way down”

Who was your first big crush? I would probably say this guy in high school named Sebastian. We sat beside each other in Art, and I definitely liked him a lot. Man, my freshman-sophomore years honestly involved a handful of crushes before Jason popped into the picture and I lost all romantic interest in everyone else. Where was the first place you drove after you got your license? N/A Is it a blue sky outside right now? No. All North Carolina has known for weeks on end now is rain. We've had very rare sunny days, but for the most part, it's just gray and gross. Was your last breakup a bad one? Nah, I'd say it ended maturely and with a mutual understanding of "why." When was the last time you were surprised, in a pleasant way? Hell if I know. Is there an ice-cream flavor that you strongly dislike? Which one? Yeah, like strawberry. What was the last sitcom you watched? No clue. ^ Do you have a favorite character in that sitcom? Why is that character your favorite? N/A What does the last group you joined on Facebook concern? I am 90% sure it was this group I joined that is literally just about cute yet dangerous animals lmao, mostly reptiles and invertebrates. "Misunderstood biteybois and where to befriemd them" or some stupid shit like that. Has there been a spider in your house at any time recently? Not that I've seen, no. Do you like wearing make-up? Not at all. I only like wearing it for pictures and then taking that shit off. ^ If so, how old were you when you first started to wear it? I started consistently wearing it my freshman year of high school. Then some time later I just showed up one day without any, shocked all my friends, and then only wore it when I felt like it. What foods are you craving lately, if any? Nothing, really. What were some of your favorite foods as a child? Chicken nuggets of course, as well as spaghetti, peanut butter sandwiches, just the typical stuff that kids tend to enjoy. When you were younger, did you ever have a friend that your parents hated? No. Have you ever talked in your sleep before? That's very normal for me, especially now that I have nightmares like every goddamn night. What was the last song you heard, that reminded you of someone? Well, not a real someone, but "The Ordinary World" by the Hit House is 110% one of Fetch's soon-to-be themes. What has brought you joy today? Nothing brought me "joy," really. When was the last time you won a prize in a raffle? What was it? I actually recently won an art rafle on deviantART hosted by a truly amazing artist, like I thought I had no chance, and she's going to be drawing Moondust!!!! :'''') What is the next non-essential item that you intend to buy for yourself? I'm still paying the bulk of my tattoo in May. Is there anywhere in your town/city that's rumored to be haunted? Oh, I'm sure. When you were younger, did you ever think that a certain place was haunted? Bitch I still do lmao. What were your school meals like? Did you enjoy them? This really depended on the menu for the day. My school lunches were nowhere near as bad as some people make theirs sound, but most things still weren't great. I think school pizzas are the most notoriously bad. What kind of granola bar did you eat most recently? I had a cashew bar earlier today. Do you have any books on your shelf that you've read multiple times? I never reread books. What did your last post on social media concern? That I personally wrote, something regarding subtle racism still being racism, pretty much. How do you feel about people using graphic images as a scare tactic to promote their beliefs? (i.e.: PETA, abortion…) I have mixed feelings on this. Like sometimes seeing the brutal side of certain things is definitely useful in opening someone's mind to things they don't want to see/think about, but then there's that, too: it can just be so invasive and unexpected, and thus very upsetting and even scarring. I'd say I'm most for the "appropriate" social media route: using censorship that the viewer can decide whether or not to remove. But you obviously can't do that in like, a public protest with a sign, so idk. Which is harder for you: writing creatively or academically? Honestly, both are pretty easy for me. I enjoy writing creatively far more, though. Do you think gender neutral bathrooms are a good idea? I think it's fine to have them as an option. When was the last time you voluntarily went outside of your comfort zone? Just talking about stuff in group therapy recently. Would you ever use a dating site that costs money, like Match.com or eHarmony? Have you known anyone who had good experience with such sites? No, and yes. Do you think it’s fair that people are able to make a reasonable salary and live comfortable lives just by making YouTube videos? Yes? It takes charisma and talent in some area (humor, education, etc.) as well as consistency for it to be a reliable career, and just consider how often you hear about creators burning out. That happens for a reason. Entertainment is a valid job category and should not be seen as an unfair joke. Whether you’re in college or not, do you become fearful about whether or not you’ll find a good job? Story of my life. What is something you can only understand if you've experienced it first hand? Deep heartbreak. Do you think it's a double standard that a woman can hit a man and expect to get away with it, but if a man hits a woman it's assault? Obviously. Abuse knows no gender, and hitting another person is just that. I do, however, believe in self-defense, also regardless of gender. In terms of a wedding, put these things in order from what would be MOST important to be perfect, to LEAST important... Engagement ring, dress, hair, venue, ceremony, food, pictures, decorations, honeymoon. This requires too much thinking, haha... but I do know the quality of my honeymoon would be most important to me, given that that's personal time with my new spouse and not a public celebration. I feel like what goes on behind closed doors is more important and heartfelt than how you act publicly. Do you have a go-to small talk conversation topic? Probably video games or music, idk. Define "small talk." Does anyone owe you money? Do you owe anyone money? (Besides credit cards) Mom does. She just a few days ago had to borrow $100 for rent. If someone was going to buy you any practical gift (anything except a house or car), what would you choose? It'd be dope as fuck if someone could pay for Venus' next terrarium, but that's a big purchase that I'd have a hard time accepting. How many people do you know with the same first name as you? At least one, but her name is spelled differently. What in your opinion is the best love song ever written? I'm not sure, but I can tell you that "When It's Love" by Van Halen has always been high on the list for me. Was your mother married when she had you? No, actually. I thought she was until my most recent bday, I think. It was just part of a conversation. How old was the first person you kissed? He was a few months into 18. The first person you were in a relationship with, do you still care about them? Of course, he's a sweet guy. We don't talk or anything, but that doesn't mean I don't care about him. Has anyone ever sang to you? Yes. So, what if you married the last person you kissed? That'd be pretty rad. What are you listening to at the moment? "Long Way Down" from the The Evil Within soundtrack. It's funny, like I've loved the game for many years, but I'm now in a serious semi-obsession phase after watching another let's play of it. Have you read the The Hunger Games trilogy? I only read the first book. I loved it, but just never continued. What is your boss’ (or school prinicpal’s) name? N/A Who is the person you dislike the most? That I personally know, probably a former best friend, oddly enough. Do you text your parents often? If Mom's not home, it's not unusual for us to text. I don't text my dad much because he's not a fan of texting. Do you watch YouTube videos often? Pretty much always. Do you know anyone with celiac disease? Sara, my aunt, and my cousin. Those are the ones I know of, anyway. Do you currently have any alarms set? No. How many cars can fit in your driveway? Barely even two. If someone else is here, they usually just park where the road meets the sidewalk of the cul-de-sac. Do you have the ashes of a family member or a pet? Of my dog Teddy, yes. Have you ever been involved in a car crash? Yes, as a kid. Do you prefer flash or no flash on a camera? Definitely no flash. It's more natural, and especially with people, it obviously prevents red eye. How often do you use hashtags? Just about never. Have you ever had whiplash before? No. Have you ever given another person or an animal a bath before? Pets, yes. I could never bathe another human. Is there a birdbath in your yard? No. Weirdest place you’ve ever had a cramp? Nowhere weird, I think... How many lamps are in the room you’re in? How many are actually turned on? Technically three, if you count my snake's heat lamp. Right now that's the only light that's on. Are there any activities you enjoy doing, but can only do for a short amount of time before you get bored or tired of them? Yeah, reading comes to mind first. Is there anything coming out soon (books, albums, movies, video games) that you're looking forward to? I'm not up-to-date on this stuff at all, not even video games. What is something someone recommended to you that you disliked/hated? I know Girt's recommended me music I haven't been a fan of. We like the same general stuff, but there are specific sub-genres we differ in opinion about. Can you unwrap a Starburst in your mouth? ... There are people who do this to even know in the first place??? What is the last thing you ate? Popcorn. Who is your favorite person to spend time with? Sara. Do you know how to grill a steak? I don't know how to cook, period. Do you have a large dog? We don't have a dog currently, but Mom is looking for one pretty intently. We don't know the size it'll end up being. Do you like walking places? Absolutely not. I can't walk far at all without my legs starting to scream at me because leading such a sedentary lifestyle led to muscle atrophy in my legs. It's incredibly embarrassing. Are you a fan of bands most people don’t know of? That's not uncommon for me. Have you ever sent an X-Rated picture to someone? No. Do you think your voice is higher or lower than average? It's deeper than the average woman's. Do you have a pool? No, but I really, really want one... Given how easily I sweat, I would love to use swimming to strengthen my legs. I could also stop the very moment I feel I need to; it in general sounds like something I could quite easily do. How many times have you been on a plane? Ummm including the trips going back, at least six times. Favorite ice cream flavor? Oh my gooooood, if you haven't tried Ben & Jerry's "phish food"... fucking try that shit. It is innnnnncredible. Do you have a TikTok? Nope. Do you enjoy driving? Fuck no I don't. Your favorite store as a teen? Hot Topic was and still is my fave, ha. Favorite YouTuber? There's this one called Markiplier that I think's pretty cool. How many online accounts do you have? A LOT. My whole life is essentially on the computer, so... .-. Do you tend to always be in some sort of drama? Quite the opposite. Do you collect quarters from every state? No. When was the last time your living room furniture was rearranged? Not since we moved into this place. When you were little did you like watching Cartoon Network, Disney or Nickelodeon more? Disney probably topped Nickelodeon. I didn't watch much CN. Who was the last person to kiss you on the cheek? Either my niece or nephew when saying bye. Have you ever seen a magic show? Yes, as a kid. I even had a magician for my bday once. When was the last time you vomited and why? It's been a year or so. It would've been a side effect of starting a certain med that I didn't stay on because it so consistently made me sick. Where do you usually sit when you eat dinner? Either in my bed (I know) or at the dinner table if Nicole is here to eat with us. What time do you usually go to sleep at night? It's typically around 7:30-8:30, occasionally a bit later. I can't believe as a teen, it was my "rule" that I couldn't go to sleep before 10:30 because it was "too early." Nowadays, I can barely imagine regularly staying up that late. Do you avoid using public restrooms? As best as I can. I've seen some nasty shit. What’s your favorite type of cookie? Chocolate chip. How basic.

[tibbinswrites]

Prompt #26

It’s my birthday!!!

So I got you all a present. That’s how birthdays work, right? I wrote you this fic. Prompt #26 on my list because guess how old I am?!

Fair warning: Major Character Death. I made myself cry.

I’ve now done prompts for: #1, #2, #4 and #16, #9, #10, #20, #26, #33, #77, #78, #170 (part 1), (part 2), (part 3), #327 and #502 and I’m not accepting any more prompts at this time.

Also, check out the destiel anthology I’m in. We’re 119% funded and saving for hardback so if you want one, get one!

Prompt #26. Afterlife

Getting old sucked. Ever since Dean had found his first grey hair and noticed that the wrinkles around Sam’s eyes weren’t going away when he stopped smiling, Dean had realised that he might actually get to experience old age. It was a thoughts that settled uncomfortable behind his sternum, though he knew it wasn’t exactly bad. They’d defeated Chuck, after all, and only a couple of years after that, Dean had called it quits and retired from hunting… mostly. He’d help out if there was a case in their neck of the woods, Sam always called him first so he could call dibs or pass as he pleased. At least he had, until Sam himself had retired with Eileen and they’d passed the reigns on to the younger generation.

That was just fine by Dean. Sam and Eileen now lived only a couple of blocks away, the bunker a place none of them had been to in years, though sometimes they got visits from the younger hunters, wanting to gawk or advice or to hear some of the Winchesters’ greatest hits, which Dean was always happy to oblige and he and Sam had a tally going of which one of the brothers they’d come to see (Sam was winning, but barely). He liked seeing the way their eyes bugged out when Cas brought out a plate of sandwiches and dropped a kiss to Dean’s hair before settling next to him on the couch, his hands taking Dean’s left in his own so he could fiddle with the ring he’d put there nearly thirty years before.

Now, Cas was the worse part of this getting old deal, because Cas wasn’t. Or… he was, his grace had been irreparably damaged over the years, but slowly. Cas still looked like he was only barely approaching fifty, while Dean had come to realise that he was a shrivelled-up eighty-eight-year-old.

Despite Cas’ assurances that it made no difference to him, that he was still older than Dean by millennia anyway, that his soul was still as beautiful as it had been, Dean still sometimes found himself staring into the mirror in dismay, then looking over at his still-gorgeous husband and feeling even worse. Especially when Dean had had to convince Cas to pretend that he was a carer out in public, or his son, or something that would make more sense than him, a raisin of a human, being married to an angel (formerly of the Lord, now of humanity) who just wasn’t ageing at the same rate and both of them being happier than either had dared imagine for themselves.

Dean watched Cas from his chair while he puttered around outside. Before they’d even finished unpacking their meagre belongings after moving in, Cas had started working on the garden. There was a small beehive at the very back, and lots of decorative birdbaths and birdfeeders they had been gifted with over the years and the plants themselves were an explosion of colour. Dean couldn’t really make it out there on his own anymore. There were a few stone steps to get down into it from the house that he struggled with now and thing was practically a jungle, with roots and uneven ground that was pretty perilous for a man of his age. There was no lawn to speak of, the grass was always too long and there were more trees and plants than open spaces. It was beautiful to look at though, and sometimes in the summer Cas would carry him out to the bench (that was nowhere near the beehive) and they would sit together and watch the birds and insects flutter by, and despite being surrounded by suburbia, they were perfectly alone, a place of calm, like the lake near the bunker they’d gone to years ago.

He got nostalgic a lot, and bitter with it sometimes. And though he didn’t regret the way his life had turned out, not at all, he missed feeling like he had something, anything, to give back to Cas in return for loving him. He couldn’t offer to help around the house anymore. He was confined to his chair most of the time. Cas carried him to bed and helped him hobble to the bathroom and cooked for him and put up with his crotchety-ness when his knees were bothering him. He made sure Dean took all his pills on time and read to him when his eyes wouldn’t focus properly and sign to him when his ears were fuzzy and drove him over to visit Sam and Eileen twice a week. And he still looked at Dean in a way that made his heart melt, like he was beautiful, and just as capable and strong as he’d been at thirty, and not the pile of brittle bones that he had become.

Cas saw him watching through the window and smiled, as though seeing Dean sat where Cas had gently placed him a few hours ago was the best surprise he could have hoped for. Dean shook his head and smiled back. Even after all these years Cas was still a giant romantic dork. It was good to see him smile. He’d been kind of mopey for the past week, though wouldn’t answer when Dean asked him what was wrong.

He came back in soon after that, though he’d only been out for around fifteen minutes. He brought Dean a bowl of soup for lunch and sat with him with his own bowl, telling him how the hive was doing and which flowers had just begun to bud. Dean listened to it all, just letting Cas’ voice brush through him, as soft as his grace.

“Claire called this morning.” Cas informed him. “She and Kaia are planning a trip to Athens next month for their anniversary.”

“Well it’s lucky for some,” Dean said with a smile. “I’ll bet Alex and Patience are jealous.”

“Livid,” Cas agreed. “Claire was very pleased. She’s hoping they might run into ‘something cool’.” Cas’ fingers quoted the last two words. “So I daresay they’ll spend a few days looking for a hunt.”

“And how’s Donna?”

“As well as can be expected. Alex is staying with her for a little while, you know.”

“Yeah.”

Cas had driven them to the funeral a few months back. Jody had died peacefully, surrounded by her wife and her girls, but it was still hard on all of them. Especially Donna and Claire. Jody had been kick-ass even as a pensioner, getting into trouble with the local law enforcement when she decided to voice her complaints about their ‘sloppy new police tactics’. Dean had been sad to say goodbye.

“I think you should call Sam.” Cas said once they were done eating, though Dean hadn’t even managed half of the soup; he missed the days he could devour seven grilled cheeses in quick succession.

One hand still holding Dean’s, the other playing through his wispy, white hair. At least he hadn’t gone bald like his grandfather, though Sam had followed in Samuel’s eggheaded footsteps, which was a fact that Dean never tired of teasing him about.

“Why? We were over there the other day.”

“I know, but… It’s nice to check in. I’ll get you the phone.”

Bewildered, Dean stared as Cas unstuck himself from his side and went to pick up the cordless phone. He dialled and held the phone to his ear, turning his back to Dean and talking quietly so he couldn’t hear or even attempt to lip read what was being said. That was weird.

“Here.” Cas said, a few minutes later, handing Dean the phone before kissing him on the cheek and gathering up the trays from lunch. “You talk to Sam and I’ll clean up.”

“You’re being weird.” Dean told him, but dutifully held the phone to his ear anyway. “Hey Sammy.”

“Hey Dean.” Sam’s voice cracked a little over the words. “How are you feeling?”

“Old,” Dean replied. You?”

“Four years younger.” Sam said, and Dean could hear the smartass grin through the phone.

“Hello, Dean,” came Eileen’s voice.

“No!” Dean said firmly. “I’m not falling for that again. Sam, tell Eileen I say hi and that she’s been pulling the same joke for the past forty years.”

“And you fell for it for the past thirty-nine of them.”

There was a pause, probably while Sam signed something to his wife because he heard her laugh.

“What did Cas wanna talk to you about anyway?” Dean asked. “And why doesn’t he know by now that he can just call you without pretending that I need to talk to you.”

“He’s just paying back the favour.” Sam said, a little too quickly. “It used to be that I was the one playing messenger between the two of you.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Why do I feel like you’re planning a surprise birthday party or something?”

“That’s exactly it. We forgot to do that in January. You know what my memory’s like now.”

“It’s from all those concussions you got.” Dean said, falling easily back into their old banter. Cas was right, talking with Sam was just what he needed. Sure, they still saw each other a lot, but over the phone he could almost kid himself that they weren’t as old as they looked, and even if they were… then it wasn’t that bad. Because he and Sam had made it through. Against all odds, through Hell and Heaven and Purgatory, they’d stared down monsters, ghosts, angels, demons and God and they’d beaten them all. They were the Winchesters and they’d survived.

Sure, this old age crap sucked, but every day he got to wake up next to the person he loved, knowing that his brother was doing the same. He got to hear stories from the hunters who came to visit, about new weapons they’d developed, new hunters they’d recruited, new lore they’d discovered. He got to hear how the fight was continuing without them and it was kinda nice to not be needed any more. He knew that he’d done his part, given all he had, and still ended up with a life worth bragging about. He didn’t worry about nightmares anymore, didn’t wake up drowning in guilt over things that were long over and done with. He’d made peace with his mistakes years ago, and he’d also learned to appreciate his victories.

His conversation with Sam lasted longer than he’d expected. They ended up, as most of their conversations did, reminiscing on old times. Mostly because there was so little present news happening. The world was quiet, for which they were both grateful, and they had more than earned the right to allow it to pass them by.

But this conversation felt different to the one they’d shared just the other day. Heavier almost. Sure, they laughed and poked fun at each other, just like they always had, even brothers in their eighties were still brothers after all, but Sam told him a few things that he was sure had never come up before, things like how grateful Sam was that Dean had raised him like he had, how he’d known all along the things he’d sacrificed so that he could have as normal a childhood as possible, even growing up as a hunter. He confessed how pleased he’d been to see him at Stanford, even knowing that it meant trouble, and other little moments like it. After hunts when Dean had been hurt, how terrified Sam had been every time. And when Sam got hurt, how much it had helped knowing that Dean was the one patching him up. He told a dozen different stories that emphasised how brave Sam thought he was, how kind, how smart, and he wouldn’t let Dean scoff off those compliments like he usually did.

Sam’s openness inspired his own and he found himself confessing things in kind. It felt good, cleansing, like a too-hot bath, and despite how stilted and slightly uncomfortable the entire conversation was, he was glad Cas had suggested the call.

Eventually, they both seemed to run out of things to say.

“Well, I should probably go,” Dean said. “But we’ll come visit on Tuesday like usual, kay?”

To his surprise, Sam sniffed, and it sounded like he was about to cry. “Yeah, okay,” he said. “Love you, jerk.”

“You too, bitch.”

He ended the call and glanced up at Cas, who had returned about an hour ago with a book, though instead of reading it, he was watching Dean.

Dean frowned at him, thinking about how weird Cas had been acting, how today he’d barely left him alone, how he’d caught him up on all the latest family news and made him call Sam. He remembered something Cas had told him years ago, when they’d first begun to let themselves truly love each other, how angels could sense when someone was dying.

“Today’s the day, isn’t it?” He asked.

Cas looked stricken for a moment, then he put the book aside and came back to sit at Dean’s side, curling around him like the world’s most careful question mark. “Yes.”

Dean reached out to grasp his hand. “Thank you. For making me talk to Sam.”

Cas just squeezed his frail fingers.

“Maybe I should’ve cut back on the burgers after all.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“No, I don’t,” Dean conceded. “But this has been nice though. Our life. Our, post-hunting life.”

“Our together life,” Cas said, his breath soft against Dean’s neck. “Yes, it has.”

“I love you.”

“And it still takes a deathbed for you to say it,” Cas joked, as though Dean hadn’t made a point to say it at least once a day since they’d been married. “I love you too.”

“So, what happens… after?” He had to ask, despite knowing, he had to ask. Because he’d known this day was coming in a far-off kind of sense, and he’d died more often than he cared to count, but knowing that this was it, this would be his final trip over to the other side, well… he was a little apprehensive.

“I’ll find you.” Cas promised. “I’ll need you to wait for me a little while. I have to make the arrangements here and—”

“And be there for Sam.”

“Of course.” Cas said easily. “But as soon as I can, perhaps a week or two, I’ll find you; and we’ll keep… not-living a together afterlife.”

“I’ll like that.” Dean said, just as a sharp pain prodded at his chest.

“I’m sure we’ll have plenty of visitors too,” Cas said. “Jack will make sure we have plenty of channels between Heavens. The last we spoke he said he was excited to see you again.”

“Be nice to see him too.” Dean said, though he was finding it hard to breathe; Cas stroked his hair and the touch was nice. “And the rest.”

The last thing he felt on Earth was Cas’ lips brushing his skin, and Dean Winchester drifted off, content in his angel’s arms; knowing that this was right, that he was ready, and that when he woke up back in his thirty-year-old body in whatever Heaven he had earned, he was gonna give Cas a hell of a welcome when he joined him.

[ineffably-good]

Faeted (Good Omens AU)

Summary:  Ezra fell is an English professor at a prestigious academy for boys. Crowley is the lord of the Unseelie court in the lands without sunrise or moonfall. Somehow fate will bring them together.

Excerpt:  “That’s the only part that concerns you?” Ezra exclaimed. “My heart’s desire is apparently a large reptile and you’re just concerned about the laws of magic?”

Read it on AO3!

Chapter One

Ezra Fell laid down his chalk and turned to face the twelve teenage boys in his care. Twelve bodies ensconced in navy blazers jittered in barely concealed anticipation; twelve pairs of eyes jumped between him and the clock on the wall, ticking loudly as the last minutes of Friday lecture faded away.

There was no competing with the weekend, even at a school as prestigious as St. Aloysius Academy.

“Yes, yes, all right,” he sighed. “I expect you all to read the next section of the Faerie Queen for Monday, and to complete your permission slips for next week’s field trip.”

The bell clanged and the room was suddenly awash with the screeching sounds of chairs being pushed back and students exploding into motion.

“Class dismissed,” he called futilely, over the chaos.

Ezra sighed and wiped the chalk dust from his hands as he returned to his desk and began to straighten up his papers. There was a knock at the door and he smiled to see Miss Device, his friend and the resident art teacher, standing in the doorway. Her dark brown hair was pulled back in a braid and there were tiny bits of paint speckled on her glasses and her cheek. She still wore the smock she’d placed over her dress to protect it from her students’ creative endeavors.

“Survived another week, did you?” she asked with a grin.

“Indeed I did, my dear,” Ezra replied. “And you? Still employed I assume?”

“So it seems,” she said. “So that’s a score of two for us, zero for the urchins. We just might get through this term yet. Supper at the pub at seven?”

“Of course! Wouldn’t miss it.”

Anathema sketched a little wave and disappeared around the corner towards her own room.

Read it on AO3!

--

Ezra gathered his things into his leather satchel and made his way outside. It was a beautiful fall day, and the air was crisp and bracing. He stretched in the angled sunlight for a moment and then headed off towards his home.

He passed through the school gates and enjoyed the walk for another twelve minutes before he found himself arriving at his own doorstep – a small, tidy, whitewashed cottage, just the right size for one. Many of the instructors at the academy lived on campus with the students, but Ezra valued his privacy and his quiet reading time too much for that; he’d felt lucky to find and purchase his own modest little home so close to the school when he’d been hired on five years ago.

He stopped to collect his post and examine the flowers in his front window box, and then let himself in with a contented sigh and immediately set about putting a kettle on to boil. Time for tea.

The clock over the mantel showed that he had a little over two hours before he needed to meet Anathema. With a happy wriggle, he carried his tea over to his favorite arm chair in front of the fire, sat down, and picked up the copy of The Mabinogion he’d been reading. It took him just a moment to find his place, and then the world disappeared as he was lost in tales of pre-Arthurian Britain.

--

Anathema was waiting for him when he parked his bicycle outside the pub later that evening. She waved to him from their usual table in the front window and he noted she had two pints ready for them.

“So, what were you reading that made you late this time?” Anathema asked.

“Oh, doing some background research on old Celtic and British legends,” Ezra answered. “Faeries and mounds and elfshot and fairy stroke and what have you. Fascinating stuff! I’m taking the boys out to visit a few sites on Monday afternoon and want to give them context.”

Anathema nodded. “Faeries,” she said solemnly, “are not generally the nice little creatures that people like to imagine. They are dangerous and unpredictable and not to be taken lightly.”

Ezra examined her closely. “In literature, you mean,” he said pointedly.

“Whatever makes you happy,” she said with an ambiguous smile.

“I know you believe in magic, of course, but are you telling me you believe in the fair folk too?”

Anathema shrugged and took a long drink from her pint. It left a bit of foam on her lip that she licked off before answering. “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”

Ezra tutted at her fussily. “Now, now, using Shakespeare to win an argument with an English professor is completely unfair.”

“Who ever said I play fair?”

“Indeed,” Ezra said with a fond smile. “I keep forgetting that.”

They turned their attention to food, then to sharing the latest gossip from their respective departments as the munched on their fish and chips.

“What is your coven up to tonight, then?” Ezra asked pleasantly.

“Oh, you know. Preparing for the larger gathering next week. Scrying.”

“What are you scrying for?”

She shrugged. “It varies from person to person. Glimpses of the future. The face of your one true love. The essay question that will appear on next week’s exam.”

He laughed. “And you find that this works?”

“Well maybe not for essay questions,” she said with a wink. “Although if the will is strong, anything is possible.”

She stopped and looked at him more closely.

“Oh now, don’t start, my dear,” he protested, knowing what was coming.

“You should come join us,” she said. It was an old refrain and quite possibly the hundredth time she’d brought this up.

“My dear, covens are for women,” Ezra said primly.

“No, they aren’t,” she said. “We are an equal opportunity coven. And you’d fit right in.”

“Perhaps some other time,” he said, signaling for another round of pints.

“Really, Ezra. We’ve got a few men who work with us regularly. And with your powers of concentration and imagination, you’d be a natural.” She peered at him. “What’s the harm in giving it a chance?”

Ezra had to think about that one. Born into a conservative and very rich family, he’d long since abandoned his family’s religious beliefs and instead devoted himself to a life of the mind and the senses. He considered himself an open minded man, and didn’t mind at all that his closest friend considered herself a practicing witch. But to try it himself?

Anathema leaned forward and prepared to break out the big guns. “Really Ezra,” she said. “Where’s your academic curiosity?”

She sat back and tried not to grin while she watched that comment land.

He huffed in mock disgust. “You,” he said, shaking a finger, “are a menace. You are an American menace, come to Great Britain to corrupt the souls of our young.”

She continued to grin smugly at him, one eyebrow coolly raised.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” he said. “I’m not coming to your coven. But perhaps you can show me something about how scrying works, after dinner. I do admit to some curiosity about the process.”

Anathema made a fist pumping gesture, which Ezra primly ignored.

--

“Do you have some ink?” Anathema asked as they entered the cottage.

Ezra gave her a stern look and gestured around him at the overflow of books, papers, notebooks, and pens lying on every possible surface. “What do you think?” he asked. “Of course I have ink!”

“Grab it,” she said, “and a pitcher of fresh water, and a silver spoon if you have one, and meet me in the back garden.”

“No niceties? No sitting down for a biscuit first?” he teased.

“I’ve got a coven to get to in an hour,” she said, pushing her glasses back up on her nose. “If you want a little tutorial, we’ve got to do it now.”

Ezra set about gathering the items she’d asked for, placing them carefully on a wooden tray, and then stopped and added a few biscuits on a plate too, just in case someone got peckish.

When he emerged in the backyard, he found Anathema had upended the brackish water and leaves out of his old, stone birdbath and wiped it as clean as she could with just her hands, and then had pushed and pulled it out of its usual corner beneath the plum tree into a spot where it was open to the sky above.

“It’s actually a beautiful night for scrying,” she said. “Nice bright moon, no wind…”

“Oh lovely,” Ezra said, a tad sarcastically.

She punched him lightly in the arm. “You asked for a lesson in scrying. Don’t be a bastard.”

“Sorry, sorry,” he said, smoothing his face into a more agreeable expression. “What do we do?”

“First pour the water into the bowl,” she said, indicating the birdbath. “And then add a few drops of ink to make it darken. Then stir it with the silver spoon, three times clockwise.””

He did so.

“Now,” she said firmly, “it’s mostly about your intention at this point.”

“My intention?”

“What do you want to see?” she asked. “You don’t have to tell me, but think of a question in your mind, as clearly as you can, and focus on it while you take deep breaths and calm yourself.”

Ezra sat back and thought. What did he want to know? He thought about asking it to show him his family and what they were doing, but he wasn’t really interested in that, to be honest. His parents were undoubtedly at some fancy fund raiser, as that was how they spent most of their weekends, and his older brother was undoubtedly preparing for tomorrow’s sermon at his swanky parish. None of them were thinking about him and seeing them would just point out how hopelessly different their lives were from his.

Did he want to know about the possibility of love or romance? To be perfectly honest, he wasn’t sure. He’d never had a strong feeling that love and romance were for him. He hadn’t ever really met anyone who evinced a strong interest in him, other than the occasional school crush on an older boy or two. These interests were passing and short, and he’d found himself mostly content with his life alone. He had his books, and his students, and a few good friends. It wasn’t out of the question that cupid could encounter him someday, but it hadn’t happened yet.

“I don’t know what to ask for,” he finally admitted.

Anathema studied him quietly. “Why don’t you ask it to show you what you most need to see?”

He straightened up and smiled. “Why, my dear, that’s a perfect solution. Nice and open, difficult to misinterpret. I do like to be precise.” He closed his eyes and took a series of long, slow breaths. He concentrated on that statement, repeating it over and over. Show me what I most need to see. Show me what I most need to see. Show me what I most need to see.

After a few minutes, he felt calm and centered, and he opened his eyes to look at Anathema, who was watching him closely.

“Lean forward,” she said, “and look into the water. Keep breathing and try to relax, and just wait.”

“That’s it?” he asked doubtfully.

“That’s all it takes,” she said.

He placed a hand on either side of the cold stone basin and leaned forward to stare at the reflection of the moon in the dark, inky water. Nothing happened for several minutes. There was only his face, watery and distorted, and the reflection of the moon, wobbling a little as gentle ripples made their way out from the center of the pool. He realized he was holding the edges of the basin with a death grip and tried to loosen his hands a little, letting the tension flow out of him.

He took a deep steadying breath and leaned in a little further, still repeating the words in his head, and suddenly the image in the water shifted, into a pair of golden, snake-like eyes that blinked at him in surprise and then darkened in alarm. He had a brief impression of hair like flames and a sense of agitation as the eyes leaned closer towards the surface and then — disappeared.

Ezra leapt back as if the bird bath had bitten him.

“What did you see?” Anathema asked, taking in his breathless surprise.

“I — I’m not sure!” he stammered. “Eyes. Reptilian eyes. Possibly a snake? I think it saw me, too.”

“That’s impossible,” the witch said. “Scrying is one direction only; no one can see back across the connection.”

“That’s the only part that concerns you?” Ezra exclaimed. “My heart’s desire is apparently a large reptile and you’re just concerned about the laws of magic?”

Anathema started to make a smart comment and then noted his pallor and how rapidly he was breathing. “Come on,” she said, “let’s get a finger or two of scotch into you.” She took him by the elbow and led him into the house.

The encounter left Ezra off balance and out of sorts for the rest of the evening. He saw Anathema off after more tea and a bit of whiskey, then set about trying to settle down and focus on lesson planning, but found himself distracted by thoughts of those golden, reptilian eyes widening in surprise and alarm. Who on earth was that supposed to be? His soulmate? He might not know a lot about the larger world outside of the academy, but he was fairly certain that nobody human had eyes like that.

[mst3kproject]

1110: Wizards of the Lost Kingdom

I only saw this episode once, while I was on my two-day binge back when season eleven first debuted – and by then I was kind of running out of binge-watching oomph, because I don’t think I paid much attention to it.  If I had, I wouldn’t have been so blindsided by shit like the mermaid and her rainbow bridge or the flying lion-centaur whatchamafuckit.  Wizards of the Lost Kingdom is depressingly cheap and desperately amateurish, but it's also unbelievably fucking weird.

There’s a great evil abroad in the land or something.  The Castle(TM) is Attacked and the resident Bearded Wizard(TM) gives his son the Callow Youth(TM) a Magical Ring(TM) to keep safe – but of course the stupid kid drops it on the way out.  After gathering a few allies, slaying a few monsters, and dabbling in casual necromancy, the boy sneaks back into the castle to retrieve the ring and do wizardly battle with the bad guy.  The day is saved, the princess is rescued, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.  The music attempts to convince us that this is epic and exciting, rather than corny and embarrassing.

I have rarely felt as bad for a group of actors as I did watching Wizards of the Lost Kingdom.  I kept wanting to hide behind the couch so I wouldn’t have to look at the expressions on their faces as they humiliate themselves by being in this movie.  Even Crabby the Crab Hat doesn’t want to be here.  The whole thing looks like a third grade class put on a play starring everybody’s parents.  The only person who gets out with any shred of dignity is whatever poor bastard was hiding under the Gulfax suit… oh, no, wait, no he didn’t, because according to IMDB the same actor also played Dad the Wizard.

Let’s look at our characters.  There’s our hero Simon, who is about thirteen and seems to be familiar with the concept of a quest but would probably much rather be reading a book somewhere.  His buddy is Gulfax, a dude who paid way too much for his alpaca fursuit.  Kor the Conquerer is supposed to be a troubled alcoholic mercenary, but he really does look like Gordon Ramsay except not as badass. The wicked queen dresses like she’s trying to look sexy for the Swamp Thing.  Princess Aura acts like your nine-year-old sister parading around in one of those Disney Princess gowns.  The bad guy is less impressive than his own fashion accessories and can disintegrate people except when it would be inconvenient for the plot.  Simon can disintegrate people, too, but saves it for non-humans despite the fact that they’re shown to be sentient.

Then there’s what all these people actually do. Despite a much more kid-friendly tone, Wizards of the Lost Kingdom is a lot like Ator: the Fighting Eagle.  Both movies present us with characters who are supposedly on a heroic quest, but all we see is them wandering around the woods while random things happen. When I tried to describe this film to a co-worker, I realized I could talk about the various incidents in whatever order I liked, because none of them really contribute to the plot or even connect to each other.

Take, for example, the bit where Kor is captured by the cyclops who wants him to marry his sister (the cyclops’ sister, that is.  Wizards of the Lost Kingdom isn’t that much like Ator).  It comes and it goes, and that’s it.  Kor had earlier said he didn’t know who this mysterious bucket-helmeted figure was, and Simon pouts a bit because that was a lie. It really, really doesn’t feel like the major betrayal the script wants us to think it was.  It comes across as the cyclops’ sister being an embarrassing ex-girlfriend Kor just didn’t want to talk about, and he and Simon argue for thirty seconds and then hug and make up, completely negating whatever small emotional impact the whole thing might have had.

Or how about the part where Simon straight-up raises the dead? In most fantasy settings that would be considered a turn down a dark path, with far-reaching consequences for both the plot and the character development.  In Wizards of the Lost Kingdom the corpses get up and basically tell Simon to get fucked because they want to rest, and then crawl back into their graves.  This is a world where black magic exists and can claim your soul, but apparently necromancy isn’t in that category.  All that happens is Kor tells Simon to respect the dead more.

What about the bit where Simon realizes the bad guy and his Crab Hat are spying on them through a magical birdbath?  The kid casts a spell that makes the water explode in the evil dude’s face so he can’t see them anymore, but this has no plot consequences because a scene or two later the bad guy has simply re-filled the birdbath and is watching them again.  Why did we even need to see that?  Why did we need the bit with the little gnome dude who enables Kor’s alcoholism? The drinking is never a plot point because this is a kids’ movie (unless marrying the cyclops’ sister was something Kor promised to do while drunk), and the gnome promises to re-join them for the climax but when he does he just watches.

How about the part where Kor tries to save a drowning topless blonde woman in the weirdly orange river (this is the only place where I can definitely identify a shot MST3K cut, since we got one very brief look at her tits)? She vanishes only to reappear on a rock with one of those mermaid tail blankets over her legs, telling them she was testing their manhood to see if they were worthy of her help!  They were, so she creates a rainbow for them and tells them to follow their hearts across the river!

Uh.  Okay. So I can see how Kor was worthy, since he jumped in and all, but Simon stood on the shore yelling at him to stop because it’s too dangerous.  Shouldn’t his unmanly ass get left behind?

Unquestionably, however, the weirdest thing in the movie is the fucked-up trippy vision Simon has while bug-woman plies him with drink and flower petals.  This scene fascinates me.  So there’s a bunch of Satanists sacrificing women on a spray-foam altar, while a voice tries to tempt Simon to the dark side.  In response, he summons up the ‘forces of good’ to deal with the situation, and they appear in the form of this stop-motion… chimera… thing. Imagine a lion centaur, only both the horse part and the human part are lions, so it’s like a six-legged, two-torsoed leonine centipede abomination, but instead of arms on the upper set of shoulders it has weird veiny bat wings.  It hovers there snarling while the Satanists complete their sacrifice, which summons a giant floating semi-transparent head in some scaly makeup.  The head makes faces and breathes green fire, until the lion thing glares cartoon lightning at it and it explodes.

What the actual unmotivated fuck. What even was that? I want to say it’s demonstrating that Simon is pure of heart and can’t be tempted to evil but like ten minutes later he’s raising the fucking dead.  What the hell is with the lion monster?  Is it a metaphor for something?  Is it saying that the forces of good can be just as terrifying as those of evil, like how if you read descriptions of angels they actually look like beasts from your nightmares?  Was it actually supposed to be pretty and the model-makers just weren’t up to the task? What am I looking at?

Did anybody actually realize how weird this all was?  One does get the impression that the writers were just scribbling down whatever bullshit came into their heads without regard for continuity or anything.  Can we have a mermaid in our movie?  Sure, why the hell not.  Zombies? Awesome, everybody loves zombies, throw ‘em in there.  A garden gnome?  A goat-man playing the pan flute?  A jilted cyclops with a spiral perm?  Absolutely, the more, the merrier!  Concepts!

And yet for all that, the single worst failure of writing in Wizards of the Lost Kingdom is the anticlimax of the ending.  Through the whole movie everybody’s been looking for the Ring of Magic, which makes the wearer all-powerful.  One of the wicked queen’s dwarves (played by actual little people who should all have been paid double for being in the same movie where the queen says we’re running out of dwarves) finds it, but Simon snatches it back a moment later and goes out and saves the day.  Of course he does – he’s all-powerful.  It’s a foregone conclusion.  The only tension comes from wondering how many of those kids who were freed from prison are gonna get swords in the gut while Simon worries about making pretty special effects in his wizard’s duel.

One last bit of illogical crap.  After the battle, Kor wanders off to go back to his ‘itinerant boozehound’ gig, and tells Simon to be a good king.  Uh… Simon’s not gonna be king.  The rightful heir is Princess Aura, who’s literally right there.  Simon can marry her and be royal consort if she still likes him once they’ve both been through puberty.  Is there a law in this kingdom that if you save the day you get to be in charge?  That does seem to be where the last guy got his throne… and yet I have a faint suspicion that the writers just assumed Simon would rule instead of Aura because he’s got a penis and she doesn’t.

All that may have given the impression that I hate this movie but I really don’t.  Wizards of the Lost Kingdom just isn’t worth the effort.  Instead I just pity this movie and everybody in it.  Every last one of them did a terrible job, and yet they still all deserved better.  On every possible level, Wizards of the Lost Kingdom is truly less than the sum of its parts.