#I saw someone else’s post about how they just realized that their kid wouldn’t know a task because it seemed so simple to them

[theshadowrealmitself]

Just a reminder to anyone with kids, your small children do not have the same basis for things that you do! There’s a good chance they aren’t trying to be rebellious, they just simply have no idea what you’re telling them!!

When I was small, I used to get in trouble all the time for not “walking in the crosswalk”, I had no fucking idea what a crosswalk was, the lines on the ground didn’t stick out at me, and when I tried to walk right by the adults because surely being right next to them would be the right answer, it put me outside the lines and just upset them further (also going nonverbal when stressed and having a face that doesn’t properly show emotion didn’t help me out)

If you tell your kid to do something that seems really easy to do to you, and they don’t listen, try phrasing it in a different way, instead of “walk in the crosswalk”, try pointing out the two lines on the ground, and let them know to walk in between those lines!

(Separate from the crosswalk thing, but also sometimes if it seems like your kid is being rebellious for “no reason” and they have older siblings, just,, make sure their siblings didn’t prank them by giving them false information)

[scoops-aboy86]

Just Keeping Life & Soul Together (Secret Admirer pt 4)

Steddie Week 2024, July 4: Trade / body swap / Wouldn't It Be Good by Nik Kershaw

wc: 1812 / rated: T / set between seasons 2 and 3 / also on ao3

By the time Steve recovers enough to drive home, it’s time to clock out anyway. Robin hangs back, not taking off on her bike until she sees him get in the car, and he’s had more time to think about it now. 

Robin’s outfit that she’d changed into in the employee bathroom after clocking out is an eclectic mishmash of different colors and patterns; Secret Admirer said they wear mostly dark colors. That’s not the only reason it isn’t her, but Steve can’t quite put a finger on anything else. It’s just… she has a very different vibe. 

He’s exhausted and still not feeling great, so that’s as far as he thinks about it. 

But the next morning he wakes up, still with some of that post-headache grogginess but better, and realizes that if she was telling the truth about someone in the ice cream parlor sending him that cone, Secret Admirer was there. Probably saw how out of it he was and felt bad, but not bad enough to overcome their reservations about revealing themselves. 

God, Steve wishes he could remember who had been in Scoops when his efforts to ‘man up’ and push through the pain had crumbled. He doesn’t, but that’s okay. Robin knows. 

~

Dear Secret Admirer,

Yes keep writing. Please keep writing. My head’s been killing me these past couple days and wanting to write back to you is the only thing that’s kept me going. I’m sorry I got Bilbo’s name wrong. 

So I guess you already knew I had a headache the other day since you sent me that ice cream. That was you, right? Strawberry with rainbow sprinkles? I wish you would’ve stayed. I know you’re shy or scared of me not wanting you once I know who you are, but it really kind of sucked that you didn’t. I’m not trying to make you feel bad or anything but I missed you so much even though I don’t know you. But I feel like I do know you, because you keep telling me things about yourself, like bread crumbs in that fairy tale from the book my mom used to read to me when I was a little kid but she stopped a long time ago because my dad didn’t want me to be a sissy momma’s boy. But fuck that, sometimes everyone needs to be read a story so they have something good in their head while they go to sleep, okay? I have nightmares a lot. I can’t tell you about them because I signed an NDA, but they’re horrible. I wake up screaming sometimes, only I can’t when my parents are home because my dad gets pissed and my mom gets disappointed, just like they did about how hurt I got last year. And the year before. It’s all connected and it’s all bullshit and none of it was my fault, I just happened to be there and I got sucked in and I keep getting sucked in and some nights I can’t even sleep anymore. 

You said you smoke, right? Cigarettes and other stuff. Cigarettes don’t help, drinking makes me feel like shit, so maybe I should try the other stuff. Does it help with sleeping? Do you think it would help my headaches or make me not dream so much? I’m so tired and I keep thinking that if I got some the smell would be like you’re there, since you smoke it too. I want to feel like you’re here with me so I’m not alone. Maybe if you were here the nightmares wouldn’t be as bad and I could get some sleep and then the headaches wouldn’t happen as often because you were right, they get worse if I don’t get enough sleep or if I’m stressed out. 

What if you called me sometime? 555-5555. You wouldn’t have to say anything, maybe just play some of the music that you think I’d hate and I can tell you if I do or not? Just let me talk to you? The hard thing about writing is I have to fill a whole page without any way to know what you think about any of it for at least a few days, and I guess a one-sided phone conversation isn’t that different but it would be something, right? I might like your music after all and then we’ll have something in common. Or maybe I can listen and then you can write to me about why you like it and if it’s something I didn’t think of (there are a lot of things I don’t think about on the first try, perspectives and stuff) maybe it’ll grow on me. Sorry if I’m pushing too hard but you said you wanted to give me something with all this and it was just an idea I had. You could give me new things to find out about, like with the Hobbit in his hole eating his hobbit breakfast. (I really liked the part with the glowing sword, that was awesome, I wish my bat would glow when )

Anyway. Robin knows about my headaches now too I guess, which is embarrassing. She was nice about it though and let me hide in the back until I could go home, but she probably still hates me for being King Steve. I’d write about something else but there’s not a lot going on in my life besides you.

— Steve

PS My parents are gone all this week, so if you do call it’s just me here. And you can call whenever, but maybe Friday at 10:30? You don’t have to though. Just keep writing.

~

The next time Steve goes to work, head no longer in danger of splitting open, Robin still calls him a dingus. It doesn’t feel as mean as it used to though. So that’s something. 

It’s easier now to take her jabs in stride. Before he’d just tried to let it roll off him like water off a duck, but he cautiously tries out responding in kind. 

“Your hat’s on backwards,” she calls across the parlor, smirking when it makes him reach up to check. “Made you look!”

Five minutes later, he gets her back with, “Your shoe’s untied.” When she glances down, he grins and adds, “Yeah that’s right, Buckley, two can play at this game.”

“Oh, it is on, Harrington.”

They start racing during the slow times when there are only a couple of people in line at a time, one sticking to scooping and the other ringing up while the former tries to move the second customer along before the latter finishes the first transaction. It’s a much better use of the You Rule / You Suck board, though she does still add tallies for whatever she considers Steve’s failed flirting attempts. (He’s not even trying anymore, not with Secret Admirer always on his mind these days.) Makes the ache of pining a little easier to bear; makes the day almost fun. 

“Hey, so,” Steve ventures while they’re cleaning up after close. “I have a question.”

Out of the corner of his eye he sees Robin tense up. “What?”

He feels wrong-footed already, if just that was enough to put her on edge, but he can’t stop now that he’s pulled the trigger. “Who, uh. Who sent me the ice cream the other day?”

She blinks, and once she’s processed the question the stiffness in her posture goes away as quickly as it had come. “Oooh. You think someone’s sweet on you, is that it? Admit it.”

“No,” Steve sputters back. Even he had to admit, though, that the way his face heats up immediately really undercuts the claim. 

“Tell you what.” She crosses her arms and leans back against the counter, eyeing him smugly. “I’ll trade you for it.”

“You’ll.” Now it’s his turn to blink. “Trade me?”

“Yeah. I have information that’s valuable to you, apparently, so you give me something that’s valuable to me in exchange.”

Steve scratches the back of his neck, trying to think. “I could… give you dating advice?”

Robin snorts. “Absolutely not.”

Flustered, he throws up his hands. “Well what do you want, then?”

She’s full on grinning at him now, and while it’s not necessarily malicious (which he appreciates) it’s still at his expense (which he does not). “Uh-uh, you’ve got to put your thinking cap on and come up with something on your own, Mr. Hair. It’s more genuine that way.”

“What? Nooo,” Steve groans, but he supposes he’s grateful that she didn’t whip out the ol’ it builds character that his dad threw at him when ordering him to get a menial summer job. “And I don’t have a thinking cap.”

That makes her actually laugh. “Well duh, who’s dorky enough to own an actual thinking cap?”

Dustin does, Steve thinks fondly. The little squirt is only off at camp for another week, and he really has missed the little shithead. It’ll be nice to get along with his coworker and have a friend around… as pathetic as that does make him feel. 

But whatever, first he has to figure out what Robin might want in exchange for what could very likely turn out to be his Secret Admirer’s identity.

~

Every time Eddie has seen Steve since that Tuesday at Scoops, he’s with his coworker Robin. Apparently he’s started giving her rides so she doesn’t have to bike everywhere all the time. They talk animatedly, like little kids racing from thought to thought as they gleefully mock and annoy each other. 

And it’s probably his fault somehow. Maybe knowing that Steve was actually suffering instead of suffering his own consequences had softened her up, allowed her to pause and notice the soft and genuine person underneath what remained of the King Steve veneer. Maybe it’s impossible not to fall in love with Steve Harrington. 

Whatever it was, the results make Eddie yearn to swap lives with some girl he doesn’t even know. Someone who gets to touch Steve on the arm without reproach—even if it’s more of a punch than a touch, jeez. The only relief he gets from the green monster of jealousy twisting around his heart is Steve’s letter asking him to call, so even if Robin is interested now then it seems she’s out of luck. 

Call. And not even talk, but just listen to Steve’s voice and maybe play selections from a few of his favorite albums, then spend his next letter talking about why they’re his favorites. This perfect man has managed to pluck three of his favorite things to do out of thin air and present the offer as a favor to Steve rather than, uh, only the closest Eddie has ever been to going on an actual date in his entire life. 

… If only he felt in any way prepared.

Tag list: @hotluncheddie @lawrencebshoggoth @sofadofax @tangerinesteve @steviewashere

@cryingglightningg @theresebelivett @sleepy-steve @rozzieroos @lunaraindrop

@just-my-latest-hyperfixation @wheneverfeasible @swimmingbirdrunningrock @yesdangerpls

@matchingbatbites @ihavekidneys @p0lybl4nkk @grtwdsmwhr @cheesedoctor

@whalesharksart @thetinymm @envyadams-vs-me @practicallybegging @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme

@dauntlessdiva @nerdyglassescheeseychick @fuzzyduxk @chaosgremlinmunson @greatwerewolfbeliever

[justsomegdude]

Pass the time.

Leader!Negan x Alexandria!Gn!Reader

summary: Negan visits alexandria for his weekly supply and decides to flirt with y/n to pass the time.

warning: Negan is a warning in himself, sexual tension!

A/N: Who knows i might make a part two to this. i wrote all of this today because i felt bad that i hadn’t posted since last month!

The weeks seem to just play on repeat when Negan comes to visit. He pesters Rick, Gets his men to get the supplies, Sometimes dealing with conflict depending on what happens in the day. As the familiar sounds of trucks come into earshot, Alexandria’s residents went silent and most went inside houses instantly, The kids rounded up by their parents and forced inside too.

You stopped caring about hiding from Negan weeks ago now, before anytime you saw his face you would remember the ones who you lost by his hands, rather by his ‘most precious lucille’s’ hands. Now? You don’t think about what you’ve lost by him, instead about what you could still lose. You’re close to Rick and his family since you’ve been in his group for years now. So you always make sure Carl and Judith aren’t in harms way.

The gates were opened by spencer, to allow Negan and his men to step foot inside. Familiar whistle ringing through your ears, you turn away to stay on the porch of the house you were gratefully allowed to stay in. If someone needed you, they’d come to find you. You watched Negans men start spreading out into a few groups going to the only places they really take from now, The pantry being the most common. Although it is rare for them to venture into the infirmary, weaponry, or houses, they’ll do it every so often.

Your eyes connected with Negans accidentally. You groan to yourself that he was most likely watching you for a minute before you noticed. Now you wish you’d just stay inside, hoping that he wouldn’t come up. Your prayer was answered and somehow, Negan didn’t come up to you. Instead he strutted over to the pantry along with Rick close but clearly at distance. Sometime you wonder how Negan took Rick by the balls and twisted him into submission.

He used to never be anything but the leader since you met him at the farm. When he was diffusing conflict, helping hershel, beth, maggie, even me. Or how he had killed Shane the night the barn was burned down.. He was always meant to be a leader, so how Negan took control of Rick, it was scary in a way.

You didn’t even realize you started day dreaming until you heard noises, loud noises, from over at the pantry. Instantly standing up to get a good view, Negan seemed to be upset at Olivia, that poor girl. A slow pace towards the pantry to see what’s happening.

“Why can’t you do your job right?” Negans voice spoke menacingly as he leaned in, more so over, Olivia to scare her. Rick was seen near Olivia trying to get Negan to calm down. “Rick, you should really consider a new manager of the food around here, clearly she doesn’t take enough responsibility!”

Your eyebrows furrowed, quickening your pace a little so you were a few feet away from Negan, and Rick. “What’s happening?” You spoke.

Negan turned on his heels towards you. “Little miss manager-of-food, over here didn’t count her supplies correctly!” He said fast, looking back at Rick, then Olivia. “You’re lucky i’m feeling generous today, or else i’d do something physical about this.” Negan seemed more frustrated rather than angry, of course he didn’t care if there was a missing can, he just hated how often people around here wouldn’t do their jobs correctly. “I’m taking an extra can for this… waste of time.” Negan snapped and his men were instantly on it and grabbed an extra can, along with the others already taken and left in a hurry towards the trucks.

You hated this little game Negan played at, his boundaries were but also weren’t set. You wanted to speak up, tell him off, but of course you knew better.

“I’ll be taking a trip to the infirmary next week. If the person who works there, messes up, someone will die.” Negan spoke firmly and with that turned on his heels and walked towards his trucks. Your eyes connect with Ricks, and then you looked at Olivia.

Rick was the next to leave towards the gate, probably the one to close it behind the saviors today. Olivia was crying, she was so sensitive you felt bad for her. “Olivia…” You said her name quietly and went over to put your hand on her shoulder. “It’s just Negan being Negan, you don’t have to cry over it..” You put on the best reassuring voice you could. Olivia nodded and wiped her tears.

“I swear i counted correctly this time..” Olivia’s voice was cracking, and soft. She meant it, and you felt bad for her.

“Hey it’s—“ you were cutoff by someone yelling your name. “Sorry Olivia gotta check on what that’s about-“ With that you left with a quick pace towards the yell, the main gate.

“Y/N!” Yelled again, now closer you knew the root of the noise. Rick. Now jobbing over towards Rick. The gate was closed and the trucks were gone, the saviors already left. “y/n.” He spoke lowly. “We got a team heading out in a few hours for a supply run nearby, i’m going with. I need you to stay with Carl and Judith for me, okay?” Rick smiled. This wasn’t a reason to yell your name, so you softly shook your head and pinched the bridge of your nose. “I didn’t know if you were still at the pantry or not, sorry if it seemed like i was in need.”

With a sigh you looked back up at Rick. “Yeah i can watch them. Come find me next time, thought i was in trouble or someone else was.” He nodded in understanding. “I gotta get to the infirmary, check on those supplies for next week’s visit from Negan, come by when you’re leaving so i can head over.

~~

As you sat down in your chair at the infirmary, checking over supplies. You weren’t like Olivia, you’d triple check everything even when one thing is added to the supply, you’ll check everything again. It was one of the things to cure your boredom or when, cases like this, happen. Your feet propped up on your desk while there was a box in your lap. You organize everything about twice a week now. It was just a way to pass time. Sitting at your desk for hours now, you lost track of time until there was a knock at your door, writing down the count you had, and then separating the counted vs uncounted so you could finish later.

“y/n?” Rick voice was heard as you walked towards the door. The door creaked while you opened it. “Hey! We’re getting ready to leave in a few minutes here, you got-“ You cut him off.

“Watch over Carl and Judith, yep!” You smiled, and grabbed your notebook from your desk. “I’ll head over now.” Ricks hand went to your shoulder.

“Thanks y/n, i know i can count on you.” Rick spoke, leaving shortly before you did.

~~

Over the week, since Negans visit, you’ve checked the infirmary multiple times. You didn’t want to lose anyone. Negans patterns on showing up varied, sometimes he’ll show up days early, or days later. Shocking enough, he visited exactly a week from lasts visit. He had to mean business on what he said with the stock. Quickly making your way to the infirmary, to avoid them going through it without you.

Once inside the infirmary, and since you already checked the stock many.. many times, you sat on your desk and were just doodling in your notebook. You kept that notebook on you almost all the time, there were doodles and sayings, but you also kept things special to you written in it, people’s names, items from your childhood, it was just a reminder for yourself that there are good things to think about in this new world.

You heard a knock at the door, assuming it was Rick you just said, “Come in.”, still doodling in your book. Once the door opened the footsteps that followed were heavier than Ricks. Your eyes shot up and instantly connected with the man just a few feet from you. Negan. “oh, i thought-“ You started but it would sound dumb so you didn’t finish. Closing your notebook and setting it aside.

“You thought..?” Negans eyebrows raise as he takes a slow, dragging, walk over to you. Intimidation tactic that didn’t quite work on you.

“I thought you were Rick.” You spoke truthfully, you didn’t have a reason to lie, but you did have a reason not to tell him. He nodded and leaned against your desk.

There was an uncomfortable silence. How to stop it, not sure. You felt him staring so you looked up at him. connecting with his hazel eyes, that you damned yourself for realizing the color of. “So Ricky the Pricky got you doing infirmary work?” Negans voice filled up the silence, you couldn’t tell if silence or his voice were worse.

“I enjoy it, and am probably the only one to actually know what they’re doing.. so yeah?” You said back, finally forcing your eyes out the window instead of at him.

Your peripheral though, kept him in view. you saw his face rise up and you glanced at him. he was smirking. Knowing a stupid remark was coming. “Are you calm around me, or are you just the shy type?” That wasn’t that you expected of him.

“What?” Your eyebrows stitch together as you looked back at him, this time his eyes trained on the floor.

He clicked his tongue before talking again. “most people here, would be glaring up a storm. talking me out of being in the same room as them.“ He finally met your eyes. He was smiling, his stupid usual smile. “Hell, some would flip me the bird by now. Not you, why?” He was one for always keeping eye contact, so you did too.

You took a little longer to answer, thinking of an appropriate response. “I don’t know.” You shrugged. What were you supposed to say? The reason people cower away is because well.. they’re cowards. You’ve been put in situation and Negan, as intimidating as he is to eveyrone, doesn’t intimidate you. “Why should i be scared, when all you’re doing is sitting… well leaning, next to me.” Was all the reason you could muster up.

This made Negan let out a laugh. “Honestly i’d get upset if you were scared of me.. you’re such a pretty (girl/boy) I mean, why would i want someone like you scared of me?” He flirted, you don’t know if it was to purposely make you uncomfortable, or just him being bored, hell maybe he just wanted to flirt with you. you didn’t know. Finally breaking eye contact to look down. “Ah, did i strike a little sensitive spot? can’t handle being complimented?” Negan was talking in a way that made you feel like you were being made fun of. He was just playing his game, this wasn’t anything to do with you in specific.

Your view was set onto the floor under your feet. Not looking back up at him. You didn’t want to reply until he took a gentle grasp of your jaw and made you look at him. “Don’t get all shy now.” His voice was low and raspy, purposely sending a shiver down your spine. He kept his firm grip, and stared into your eyes.

“I..” you started quietly, you don’t know what to say. “It was just..” You paused, not knowing how to word it. “I just don’t get compliments a lot, and it’s weird coming from you..” You spoke truthfully.

He hummed quietly, nodding. Still not letting go of your jaw. He wanted you to look at him. “You’re trembling.” He smirked, you didn’t even realize but when you did your mouth opened to say something, but Negan being faster. “I bet i could get you wrapped around my finger if i tried. Compliment you more.” His smirk increased as he leaned in. it was only teasing.. he’d never actually kiss you.

“Negan..” You whispered his name. He shushed you, his hand moving from grasping your jaw into pinching your chin in between his pointer and thumb. He lifted your head up a little.

Negan moved his body to standing before you, his grip still just as firm. Subconsciously your legs separated as you leaned back just a little, a way to get further away from him. He took this as an invitation, stepping in between your legs. His hand went to the table right next to your hip, leaning over you now.

“Do i scare you y/n y/l/n?” Negan spoke. Your breathing quickened. Maybe you were uncomfortable, or maybe you somehow found this attractive. He leaned over just a little more, his thighs rubbing against yours a bit.

Negan licked his lips. “No.. of course not.” You spoke, less firm than you wanted too. “I’m just…” You actually didn’t know what to say.

Negans hand slid from the table onto your thigh. His eyes went to his own hand before back to your eyes. “so if you’re not scared.. why is your breath heavy?” He smirked, knowing how he affected you.

Your eyes went to his arm, since his hand was still on your chin you couldn’t quite look completely at where his hand laid. Negan finally let go of your chin. No response from you.

“Speak when spoken to.” He spoke, you leaned up to sit a little more comfortably, even though getting closer to Negan. His thumb rubbed your thigh, made you even more speechless.

“I’m.. awkward, under the circumstances.” you whispered, you watched his thumb rub at your thigh. “Why are you doing this..?” You tilted your head.

He leaned closer now your lips only a few inches apart. “Because you’re letting me.” His gripped your thigh now instead of rubbing it. No one’s touched you like this and you didn’t know how to react. “Can i kiss you?” His voice was quiet, his eyes weren’t looking away from your lips.

You didn’t know, you wanted it but remembering who he was your hand went to his chest and gently pushed him back. “This is a bad idea.” Negan only smirked at your response. His hand stoped holding your thigh, grabbing the bottles of medicine and stepping back.

“Well i hope to see you around y/n. Keep me and what i just did in your thoughts.” He winked, leaving the infirmary. Instant regret with how you just rejected something that you most definitely wanted. You damned yourself for being scared.

tag list :)!!

@pinchofhoney / @starstruck-loner

[k1ngdom-of-thieves]

Hi, I was wondering if I could request a sort of spinoff to this post? https://www.tumblr.com/k1ngdom-of-thieves/696378827069423616/hi-hii-i-like-your-blog-so-may-i-please?source=share Same prompt, but with Azul, Cater, Kalim, Jade, and Jamil?

Sure! Thank you so much for being patient

Azul, Cater, Kalim, Jade and Jamil + resting their head on reader’s lap!

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul had been so busy organizing files and signing paperwork for the cafe, that he didn’t realize how late it was getting. It was only when you walked in to his office at midnight wondering what he had been doing this whole time.

He apologized for having you stay up for him and told you to sit on one of the couches so you could still be near him. Noticing the dark circles that formed under his eyes, you tried to get him to sit with you so he could rest a little.

The entrepreneur tries to deny and continue with his work, but you wouldn’t listen to it. Eventually, he gave in, seeing how you were so adamantly telling him to relax.

At first, it just started off as him leaning on your shoulder, but it soon led to him resting his head on your lap. Usually he would never do something like this, but he looks so serene and happy with you.

“Only you could make me do this in my own office. If Jade or Floyd saw this, I’d never hear the end of it.”

Cater Diamond

Cater was coming back from an incredibly long day of classes; three tests, a science lab, and the music club after school. Needless to say, he’s exhausted.

He comes straight to you after all of it and practically throws himself into your arms. Congrats. You’ve been officially caught in the famous “Cater Capture.”

After a while of you two standing around, you asked him if he wanted to sit down. He agreed and asked if he could put his head in your lap.

He lets you play with his hair as he rambles about his day and just talk about random thoughts he had. If you keep playing with his hair, he might end up falling asleep.

“Hey, keep that up and I might just fall asleep! I’m just kidding; you know I love ya, right?

Kalim Al Asim

Kalim is, without a doubt, a very upbeat guy. He is also someone who is very found of physical touch.

Him coming to rest his head on your lap is a fairly common occurrence compared to doing it with the other guys. It usually happens when it’s just you and him hanging out somewhere.

Once, you two were stargazing when he put his head in your lap and started talking to you about the little things that happened that day. Things like funny things he saw, gifts he would like to buy you, and anything else that came up in his mind.

Sometimes if he’s really bored, he’ll take some of his accessories (like his earrings and headscarf) and try to put them on you without getting up. It usually doesn’t look that great but hey, you’re having fun!

“Okay, I think I got it now! Oh, oh no. It’s slipping off again. How about you try putting it on me this time!”

Jade Leech

Jade isn’t the type of guy to just put his head in your lap on a whim. He will, however, do it gladly if you ask him to.

He’ll take you hand and put it on his cheek while you talk to him. If you get flustered, he’ll start chuckling while he waits for you to finish what you were saying.

He will keep a conversation with you like nothing had changed. He’s talking about daily events like his head isn’t delicately placed on your lap.

This guy won’t even get up if someone were to walk into the room. He will get up if he sees that you’re uncomfortable, though.

“Hmm? No, I haven’t seen Azul. I- oh? I noticed you looked flustered, I can get up now if you’d like. Alright, I’ll see you later then.”

Jamil Viper

Jamil putting his head in your lap is something that very rarely happens. Your gonna have to ask him when there’s no one around and at night. He’ll get flustered and say no otherwise.

There’s just something special with the calm look in his eyes when it’s just the two of you alone. The slight smile he has when you two crack jokes.

If you two are fairly close, he’ll let you mess with his hair a little. Just a little, though. His hair takes forever to de-tangle.

He’ll offer to let you rest on his lap as well, as a way to repay you. Whether you take him up on that offer is up to you.

“I never thought I’d be able to relax like this. Thank you for giving me this chance.”

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 23 thoughts

the previous episode was SO good. but, it is true, i was distracted by the dog. it was SUCH!! a perfect episode. EXCEPT for that one thing. so i hope that today, i can face this episode with a clear head, free of judgement based on the fate of little dogs.

well, boy, i did face this episode with a clear mind, and wow. wowza. another AMAZING ep... and i will keep the angst from this episode in my heart forever and bottle it and take a nice long swig when i need my msr feels, which is basically always. wow. an exclamation point doesn't even feel APPROPRIATE, it just needs to hang in the air for a bit. (wiping tears away) wow....

let us go back to yesterday's notes, which shall commence below:

reading the episode description... so this one features murders linked to a device that alters television signals… huh. man, too many people i know don’t even have cable anymore. this simply would not work in the modern era. imagine if hulu or tubi or something made you kill people though lmao that would be silly to imagine.

we open with a guy digging a hole in the woods. always a promising start. seems he’s in an orchard of some sort? and the music is very very creepy. 

okay, so just as you suspect, this dude is burying a dead guy. sometimes your gut instinct is correct and tropes are not meant to be subverted. but the dude who is burying him says “your killing days are OVER” so is this actually a justice arc??? hmm. it is not clear. man, it would be hard to dig a hole like that.

shovel murder man is at home washing the blood off. but then someone else approaches him and he kills THAT GUY TOO WITH THE SHOVEL?? huh? what is going on. 

police at da guy’s house. everyone has the same face as the dude he just killed??? so they tase him. and then the faces go back to their REAL faces. now what is going on here!!!!!!!!!!

as the real faces return, the man realizes he killed someone named sarah!!! and he seems sooo upset by the fact that he killed sarah!!!! poor sarah :(

so does the tv make you see other people’s faces on the bodies of random people….? omg that’s insidious...

we now shift to a different scene, one where mulder is sitting in his car at 2 am. doing what???? waiting for some guy!!! he was waiting TWO HOURS for this guy!!! who is this guy...? it's giving blind date/drug deal.

the man who enters his car gives him a newspaper clipping about the murders we just saw. and mulder came here after getting AN ANONYMOUS EMAIL in the middle of the night??? this is crazy because literally so many people want him dead and this would have been a very easy way to accomplish that goal. wow. seriously, no self-preservation instincts on this guy.

mystery man says he has no obligation to explain what is going on, but if mulder walks away from it, more people will die. so no pressure!! xx

cutscene to a hospital, where mulder is watching our murderer through glass, while scully comes in saying that she is sorry she is late, but “the beltway was a parking lot”. beltway refers to interstate 495! thank you wikipedia i love your services!

murderer is named joseph. and he claims to have been killing the same guy over and over again, and that he wouldn’t die. which seems pretty awful.

OH! and the week before, in the same town, a babysitter attacked the kids she was watching because she thought they were WOLVES??? omg that is horrific??

they’re talking to the physician, dr. stroman, who says perhaps this was provoked by amphetamine abuse. then joseph starts SCREAMING. he sees a guy on the TV- miriskovic- sorry y’all idk my post-soviet history 💔 (update: i googled it, i don't even think that guy was real because all the results are links to wikis on this specific episode... reveals how little i truly know)

anyway, seeing that guy's face on the TV seems to have triggered the screaming situation. does he have trauma from the country he used to live in and seeing references to it makes these things happen…? that would be a wild episode. put me in the writer's room and let me cook.

scully quickly picks up on the fact that this case is Weird, and mulder admits it came from some random guy, which makes her suspicious. but they go to the crime scene, and, like always, he lifts the crime scene tape up over her head, and it’s very charming despite the lack of sensibility in going down this whole rabbit hole.

the minute they get in, they hear screaming and a gunshot! but it’s just some kids watching TV??? eating popcorn in a crime scene??? LMAO WHAT?

mulder kicks them out and scruffs one of the boy’s heads... ohhhh he needs to be a father so bad huh... like i have been saying this since s1 he just has a Need to tease and spoil children. well, we can unpack that another time. there's crime afoot.

so he watches the tv and it starts to go all static-y because a guy outside is fixing the wires. scully finds a TON of tapes and they’re just shelves and shelves of cable TV shows!!!

“there must be hundreds of videos here”, she says, to which he asks “anything good?” <- idk why this made me giggle. it sounded like he was gonna put one in and chill for a bit lmao

scully starts to wonder if seeing the cable news, like joseph had recorded, was what triggered his episode back at the hospital. ooooh! a theory!!! 

cut to mulder watching a tape in the bed of his motel, making an absolute pile of sunflower seeds- this dude is gonna attract mice or something someday omfg- and also he has a cola which is peak american culture. LMAOOOO he has a HUGE pile of tapes on the floor i’m crying... my type A self could NOT deal with him!

he says he watched 36 hours of bernard shaw and bobbi batista and is now also ready to kill someone as scully welcomes him into her room, which also has cola but is much more nicely organized! she found something weird on the tapes from late april, each a night when he committed a murder 

AND WHY DID MULDER GET ALL COZIED UP ON HER COUCH?????? hooooooly fuck i have never seen such a baby girl of a man

OMFG??? all the reports from the murder nights feature that miriskovic guy!!!

so did seeing violence make him violent? mulder says no, and that theory assumes that “americans are just empty vessels, ready to be filled with any idea or image that’s fed to them like a bunch of pavlov dogs, and go out and act on it” oh if only this man could see the news lately……… insert ben affleck smoking a cigarette image here to describe the things we see in our current age. mulder you would not believe.

he’s really bashing her theory, but she’s saying maybe he was high and seeing these things sent him on a spiral- makes sense to me

he is leaving to go get some sleep (after admitting he can’t explain what is going on!!! which always endears me) but scully says she is going to watch the rest of the tapes… a herculean task for our girl

middle of the night and it’s still tape time for scully, but she hears the phone ringing. she hears mulder having a conversation. and he says “no, she doesn’t” which is weird… that is suspicious… what doesn't she...

scully chews her ice which is so funny because me too sometimes. she has chewed all of her ice and must fetch more. and get a cola ofc!!! nothing more american than a cold soda iktr!

but she sees mulder in his car??? lighting up with cig man???? HUH??? and handing over a tape? omfg this is crazy. i assume she is hallucinating though, because no way….

cutscene to a lady named helene watching “the price is nice” (lmaooo) and washing some dishes. but the soap in the dishes starts to look funny- and everything is glitching around her!!! she sees a man outside in a hammock… kissing a woman!!! and oh, she is furious!! she gets her SHOTGUN?? this has escalated very fast. and we hear some shooting!!!

scully is still very visibly disturbed. mulder is reporting the murder, but she seems like a shell of herself. she checks the ash tray in the car, and there is no ash… she notices the car has been moved and he says he got a paper…. why do you ask…. “nothing. it’s nothing” OHHH THIS IS JUICY

so the crime scene has a very bloody hammock. and a dead man, who the wife claims he saw in the hammock with a blonde. but the only other creature at the scene was a dog!!!

OH!!! the hammock man wasn’t even helene's HUSBAND??? this really is LAYERED!! she killed the NEIGHBOR thinking it was her husband, who wasn’t even in town!!!!!! how do you mess this up so badly?

despite the fact that scully is clearly suspicious of mulder, she is sharing the umbrella with him in their usual fashion, and the sense of tension this produces is delicious 

they go to investigate the crime scene and mulder finds some sort of bike and immediately climbs upon it while proclaiming that television does NOT cause violence (LMAOOO HE IS SO WEIRD i need him.) 

they find a bunch more tapes and AGAIN the same guy is messing with the cables outside while they're investigating!!!! mulder is in chase mode!!!! but he cannot chase this dude in the van!!! no man, even a track star such as him, can outrun a van carrying secrets!

scully is trying to fast forward the TV and she looks out to see mulder climbing the pole…. average day for a man like him. he finds a weird cable scrambler in there. she wants to send it to the crime lab, but he says he’ll do the analysis, and she should go interview helene the murderer. OH... she is so suspicious, she just wants to go home…. scully :((( mulder is deeply confused as to why she is being so weird 

so he takes the thingy to the lone gunmen, who say it looks like it’s used for blocking premium cable channels, which i didn’t even know was a thing, you learn so much with this show. but it doesn’t block anything!!! HOWEVER, if you compare a tv with the machine and one without it, the one with the machine is slightly different. hmm...

“you know how television works?” “yeah, you click it on, you have a picture” <- the man who said that line went to oxford btw

it seems that this cable blocker thingy is adding some sort of frequency, but they can’t tell what… hmm.

mulder on the road. scully calls and only asks “where are you” in this very flat and creepy tone and OH i’m scared!!!!

he tries to explain that there is some sort of signal being introduced to the tv- he even says she might be right about the tv inducing violence theory! but she isn’t answering… she hears a clicking, like they're being listened to, and she says he never went to the detective…. let’s wait and talk on a landline, he says.

despite being in his car many miles away, he can tell that there is something very wrong with scully. he says don’t go anywhere, he’ll be right there, and redials after she hangs up. it's very much echoing when she said something similar to him in his crazed gargoyle quest.

but she is so scared, she rips the phone out of the wall and takes it apart!!!! and then the lamp too, and the table. she is checking everything for any sort of bugs!

holy hell, we have never seen her like this before... but i’m actually gagged because she is usually relatively stoic and seeing her paranoid is so different, but it also feels very natural??? she is acting her ass off here as she rips up everything in this motel room. big shoutout to GA, i love your work.

and the static that set in helene's vision earlier is setting in hers now!!! she hears a car pull up and drops to the floor…. she hears a man say “she’s in here” and a pounding on the door. 

OMFG someone tries to open the door and she FIRES 4 SHOTS RIGHT AWAY??? but it’s mulder!!!!

(author's note: i was thinking after i finished the episode, and we know that she is a good shot- remember how she hit just the right angle to knock mulder out but not kill him at the end of s2? so she is either SO out of it that she cannot even aim straight, or there is a tiny tiny tiny part of her that still thinks that mulder isn't worth killing. please mull over which option brings you greater angst)

he’s coming in with his gun and his hair is blowing in the wind and he can’t FIND HER!!!!! it was really very dramatic. hair blowing in the wind has this effect.

cutscene to scully’s mom’s house, and we see a picture of young scully on the table... AWW stop she’s so cuuuute and one of missy as well 😭😭😭

OH! it’s mulder on the phone calling mrs. scully in the middle of the night!!! NOOOO he has to tell her that he doesn’t know where she is :( NOOOO poor mrs. scully has gone through too much. he feels SO bad breaking this news, that he even apologizes for hanging up right away, something he never ever does. he must be in deeeep distress to do such a thing.

and why does he hang up?? because SKINNER IS HERE!!! he’s leading a manhunt for scully, and mulder is saying she shouldn’t be hunted like a convict… but skinner says dude SHE FIRED FOUR ROUNDS AT YOU AND SOME RANDOM GUY last night!!!!

despite this, mulder insists that he can get her to listen to him if they just keep her safe; she’s suffering from some sort of paranoid psychosis. skinner is being quite patient as he tries to explain that the video tapes made her do it. skinner says well... you better find her before these guys do.

GASP!!! he’s putting up the x on his window! and doing that thing where he bounces his basketball because he cannot relax!!! stop i'm emotional!!!!!

the lone gunmen call to say they found something on the tape…. and it induces electrical activity…. MIND CONTROL???

but why wasn’t he effected?

! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! HE’S RED-GREEN COLORBLIND???? THIS IS AN INSANE LORE DROP TO GIVE NEARLY 4 SEASONS IN??????

wait, is this just for plot purposes, or is DD actually colorblind and they decided to roll with it? because now i’m gonna be looking at all the red-ish things we see on screen (like his tie he is grabbing to emphasize his point) and wonder, can he see that? how does this impact his tie selection process....

okay that really threw me off guard. man, i was getting to think we'd never get another lore reveal, which is a shame because i quite like formatting those facts in that way. good to know we could get more at anytime!

he gets a phone call from maryland state police. the lone gunmen ask if she’s okay and he says no, he has to go and ID the body. WHAT!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!! he is trying to keep composed. holy fuck………..

(heavy breathing as i grab your shoulder and squeeze) hey man. hey. he was trying so hard to be strong.

so he pulls up to the morgue and stops before he gets out of the car, and holds his head above the wheel STOP I’LL CRY???? i’ll cry… what are they putting him through??? losing her again……..

(i mean i have SEEN gifs of scully in seasons past this one, so i know she's gonna pull through, but HE doesn't know that, and must be reliving the worst days of his life AGAIN, and aughhhhh!)

but the mystery guy from the start of the episode that give him the info on the muders pulls up and says get in right now!!!!!! mulder is furious, he says he’s busy. in a shocking display of insensitivity, mystery man says he does not give a fuck. mulder is yelling that this is all his fault. mystery man says “they” are destroying the evidence, and they’ll finish it by tomorrow if he keeps searching for her, but he kicks the door shut and ignores him.

(omg…. he loves her enough to break him out of his bloodhound mode… the dogged ahab-like quest for answers and revenge… i’m getting flashbacks to his conversation with missy in one breath…….. realizing he needs to put the ones he loves before his need for revenge sometimes..... wow)

so he walks into the morgue, and the dude in there says they found a body nude and shot in the forehead.

he closes his eyes to try and brace himself before taking a peek, to prepare to see her lifeless, probably reliving those many hours by her bedside when she was in the hospital, trying to imagine her shot in the forehead, the scully he knows and loves with her dry humor and her teasing smile and caffeine dependency, the her that is so full of life, lifeless…

but it isn’t her. PHEW!

despite this being good news that he has to share- she's not dead! her mother isn’t answering her phone…. so he goes to her house. and i'm thinking, oh my gosh, did she do something rash in her grief?

but mrs. scully answers the door and claims dana isn’t here. he bursts in and says he needs to see her right now. omg, he saw right through her lies.

(also, it always feels weird to refer to her as dana, but moving on)

NO!!!! she has him at gunpoint and says he’s here to kill him!!! poor guy looks so flabbergasted… and her mom is trying to get her to please put down the gun, and he’s trying to explain what is going on!!! he is so singularly locked into her…. 

“he’s lied to me from the beginning. he’s never trusted me” “scully, you are the only one i trust” AUGHHHHH (rips my clothes off of my body in biblical levels of grief) 

“you’re one of the people who abducted me” AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (rips off not only my clothing but also my hair as i experience emotions that rival what job from the bible went through)

she’s CRYING, and saying he killed her sister while her mom gets between him and the gun… and she’s saying she knows she’s safe here, that’s why she came here, and to put the gun down. and she falls into her mother’s arms sobbing. 

WHAAAAAAAAT. and he had to watch all that… oh my scully oh my goodness my poor scully…

timeskip a little bit. he shows up to the hospital where scully is with her mother, and mockingly puts his hands up in surrender, because he is so STUPID and he always has to make a joke, and i love him so terribly, so so so terribly, because he loves HER.

she's laying in the bed, and he shuts off the tv and asks how she’s feeling. she says she is ASHAMED- as if being a victim of mind control was a personal failing. scully, i want to yell, you have NO REASON to be ashamed, let me take all the shame from you and carry it elsewhere. she says it was like the world was turned upside down.

and he makes ANOTHER stupid joke about the world being out to get him, and now she knows how he feels-

before leaning in and explaining how joseph, the first murderer on this case, became convinced he was killing the bosnian war criminal who people called “the modern hitler”, which was especially important to him because both of his parents survived the holocaust. hence his line about the killing days being over!!!

and helene was scared her husband would cheat on her. so somehow the TV signal turned their worst fears into a living nightmare. 

OHHHH HER WORST NIGHTMARE IS HIM BETRAYING HER. HIM BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR HER GOING MISSING AND LOSING HER AUTONOMY AND MEMORIES... wails into my shirt. 

(this reminds me of that episode in s2- irresistible- when we learn her biggest fear is that humans are capable of terrible horrific things and grasping to trust despite that knowledge. we’re seeing that again right here. how uncertainty seeps in)

THEY CALL HIM THE CANCER MAN!!! wow very official canon recognition of the name (yeah it’s happened before but it happened again so that is cool) anyway she says she saw him giving cancer man the tapes and reporting.

he says that maybe cancer man was behind this, but then he whispers “why don’t you try and get some rest?” and there is something in me that melts so entirely as he leaves her to sleep.

(perhaps it is the fact that hurt/comfort and whump are my favorite tropes. because is there anything more intimate than letting someone see you at your most vulnerable, and them choosing to love you at it? is there any feeling more cutting than seeing your loved one suffer and knowing you’d stop the world for an instant of their relief? the terrible desperation of both parties, the wordless connection upon recovery, someone being the last thing you see before everything fades to black and then the first person you see when you return... yeah. it’s cathartic. but also it makes me want to yell and cry. pls give me all the hurt/comfort content)

so the doctor found high serotonin levels in her that maybe can be associated with mania, but now they’re back to normal. he asks if someone in her situation would be diagnosed with amphetamine abuse, and she says no. then he quickly calls the hospital where joseph is staying… what is he cooking in there…

he wants to talk to joseph's doctor, dr. stroman, who left behind only a number from the motel…. and he had JUST checked out…. so he’s going through his stuff. and asking about his calls. and he DOES find a cigarette in his room but a lot of people smoke so… try not to jump to conclusions juni… but the cigarettes mean one thing in this show!!! was this innocent-looking doctor behind such a cruel experiment?!

he calls and has the last number the doctor called get checked from the folks at the lab… so he goes to visit the place of residence and creepy music is playing. the dude from the cable company we saw before rolls up!!! he walks right inside the house, so mulder peeks inside. it seems the people in the house set up a trap of some sort, as they are talking about “him” showing up at 7.

he bursts in after hearing gunshots and both of the men in there are dead!!! shot in the head!!!!

who is there... but X???? X says he HAD to kill those men- he just hoped mulder would get them first. and oh, mulder is YELLING AT X!!! he is letting him HAVE IT!!! he says he is a coward, he was too scared to unveil the situation with the mind control TV murders himself….. he says X NEVER risks his own life, but he sure does make him risk mulder and scully’s.

OH! he is holding X at gunpoint. all X is saying is that he failed, and that mulder needs him. so he walks out, confident he won't pull the trigger. and he doesn't. 

WHAT! i need to kind of just let that sit for a second. i need to figure out this X fellow, but i get the sense i never will…. he failed… because he chose to try and save scully…….

cutscene to skinner’s office, where mulder is giving him a report. and scully walks in and says that dr. stroman DIED IN 1978!!! when skinner asks about the killer, mulder jumps in and says he remains unknown… oh, skinner is def gonna pick up on that….

so now we see X in a random back alley. getting into a car…. WITH CANCER MAN?????? X REPORTS TO CANCER MAN??? he asks if he has completed his work, and X reports that he has cleaned out all the personnel, everything is removed, but mulder still has a device. and mulder’s source has been eliminated. but the source’s source remains unknown. oh, he’s def lying through his teeth.

OOOOOOH this episode was SO good.

oh man, my brain is racing in a bunch of different directions. scully breaking down and sobbing into her mother’s arms…. scully convinced that mulder is a traitor, that he did those terrible things to her…. mulder so scared that she was gone, bouncing his basketball, getting a call from the police department that he had to go identify her… choosing her, even in what he thought was death, over following the Truth… the sick and twisted relationship he has with X, and X with Cancer Man, and Cancer Man with the world… it’s making me think of how mulder broke into his house that one time, was going to kill him over what he did to scully, and cancer man had the nerve to say he liked mulder… OOOH my brain is just racing racing racing. 

poor scully… how scared she was, how horrified afterward… 

other things that are on my mind, in no particular order: the bond between scully and her mother; mulder being all babygirl on that couch; mulder hopping on that bicycle and picking up some random doll from the murder victim's house; how haunting scully's voice was when she asked him over the phone where he was; their cola drinking; mrs. scully trusting mulder no matter what; how he tried to cover the grief in his voice when he told the lone gunmen he had to go identify her body; how he kicked the door shut of the mystery man, damning the investigation to pay his respects; how his head hovered above the wheel of the car before he got out to do that; how X uses and uses him to no clear end, and what is HE doing reporting to cig man, and what was that random doctor doing conducted fucked up experiments on random people; and scully's miraculously bad aim; mulder's conviction he could talk sense into her (spoiler: he could not); her shame at being convinced he had been the one who abducted her; how terrifying that must have been; and his stupid jokes when he walked into her hospital room, with the sincerity he tries so hard to outrun and outfox breaking through in his whispered why don't you get some rest?

so needless to say, i see why this one is a fan-favorite. this is certainly one i will be revisiting in the future when i need something strong. i have a million things to think over that will stick with me Forever, and i am in no rush to move on from this. in fact, i took these notes yesterday, but in the process of editing them tonight, i have decided i am not ready for the season finale and will have to save it for tomorrow because i'm still feeling So Many Things. so stay tuned to see how that goes, because whew!

[romeoandjulietyouwish]

night light

this is based on this post by @pepsicurtis

read on ao3

It was ridiculous, frankly. Ponyboy was the one who needed someone next to him to sleep, not Soda. Yet, Soda couldn’t stop tossing and turning. Part of it was to do with the fact he had no idea where his brother was, that Ponyboy could be anywhere in the country. 

But as he turned over again, he realized that he missed the weight of someone else in bed beside him. He missed Pony kicking him and flopping all over the bed. Hell, he would rather Ponyboy waking up from a screaming nightmare because that would mean he was safe. 

The first night, Soda slept all of three hours. He dragged himself through his shift at the DX, barely making eye contact with Darry when he got him. 

The second night, he tried the couch. But he kept waking up, thinking he heard the door opening or the phone ringing. Darry tried to talk to him in the morning, asking how he slept. Soda just murmured, “Fine.” Before pulling himself into the shower.

The third night, he tried Darry’s chair. Half the time Darry ended up sleeping there anyway, maybe there was something magic about the chair that made sleep come easier. It didn’t. Soda slept even worse than before. 

“Look at me.” Darry put a hand on Soda’s shoulder and forced him to meet his eyes. “Did you get any sleep?” Soda shrugged. Darry sighed, “Maybe you should stay home today.”

Soda quickly shook his head, “No, we need the money.”

“Soda-”

“I’m going to get dressed.” Soda shrugged Darry’s hand off his shoulder. 

He knew it hurt Darry, but every time Soda looked at his oldest brother, he saw Darry hitting Pony and their little brother running out the door. Both of them were struggling. And Soda didn’t even let himself lean on him, he couldn’t. Because he knew the second he let Darry comfort him, Soda would forgive him. He didn’t want to forgive him, not yet at least.

Until the fourth night. 

It was midnight. Soda was trying to sleep in his bed again. He had Pony’s pillow hugged to his chest, blankets tucked tight around him. Yet sleep wasn’t anywhere close. He didn’t think he’d felt that alone in a very long time. So he finally forced himself out of bed and padded down the hall to Darry’s bedroom. With his pillow clutched to his chest, he felt so much like a child. 

He remembered being a kid, before Pony was able to talk. He and Darry used to share a bedroom and they would stay up talking. Soda used to be able to make Darry laugh so hard he got a headache. That didn’t happen so much anymore.

As always, Darry’s bedroom door was cracked open. Soda nudged it open. In the light from the streetlight, he saw Darry lying on his back, fast asleep. Soda crept in and sat down on the floor next to Darry’s bed. He laid down, curling his legs to his chest. With the sound of his brother breathing, he thought he would be able to sleep. No such luck. 

“You really gonna sleep there?” Darry’s voice was soft in the dark room.

“It’s comfy,” Soda lied. Darry was silent for a long moment. “I can’t sleep.”

“Neither can I.” The admission surprised Soda. “Soda, get your ass up here.”

With the permission given, Soda quickly climbed into the bed, hoping Darry wouldn’t change his mind. But he didn’t. Instead, Darry lifted up his arm and let Soda curl against his side. Soda clung to his big brother like he’d been wanting to for days, he pressed his nose against Darry’s throat. 

“I’m scared,” Soda said softly. 

Darry’s arms tightened around him, “Me too, little buddy.”

“Do you think he’s gonna come home?” Soda’s voice broke a little. 

He felt Darry sigh under him, “I don’t know. I really hope so.” Darry’s hand moved in small circles along Soda’s shoulder blades. “I’m sorry, Pepsi Cola. I’m sorry I got angry and I’m sorry I yelled at the two of you and I’m even more sorry that I-I hurt Pony and made him leave.”

He felt Darry starting to loosen his grip on him, but Soda only held him tighter. “I’m not mad.”

“You should be.” Soda didn’t know what to say to that. So instead, he just hiked the blankets up over them. “Soda.”

“Hmm?” 

“Didja hear what I said?”

“Yeah. Just thought it was stupid.” Darry chuckled. It was the closest Darry got to a laugh since Pony and Johnny left. “I really miss him, Dar.”

“Me too, little buddy. It doesn’t feel like home without him here.” 

Soda sat up and looked down at his big brother, “He’s going to come back, right? Because if he doesn’t-” Tears started to well in his eyes and he found himself being quickly pulled back into Darry’s arms. He cried softly, clenching his fists into Darry’s shirt as if afraid he was going to leave too. 

“He will,” Darry said. “He’s going to come home.” It was a promise Darry couldn’t make, but at that moment, Soda didn’t care. For a second, he let himself be a kid again. He let himself believe that Darry could do anything, that everything was going to be okay as long as his brother was there.

“Okay.” Soda’s voice broke. “Because I don’t think we’re going to be okay if he doesn’t.”

“I know.” Darry pressed a kiss to his head. “I know.” 

Soda slept soundly that night and he knew Darry did too. Even though his dreams were filled with Ponyboy and Johnny, they were kinder than the previous nights’ imaginings. There was no blood, not bruises.

In the morning, Soda made them both coffee and packed Darry’s lunch. When they parted ways for work, Darry left Soda with a long embrace and a squeeze to the back of his neck. It was more than enough to keep Soda’s spirits up the rest of the day.

That night, Soda slept in Darry’s room again. Darry didn’t say a word about it, he just smiled.

[paopaupaus]

part 7 of the Buddie Development

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10

guys i’ve just realized that this is going to be a million parts so i’m going to limit it to 1 part per season.

this is Season 3

S3:E4 Triggers

Buck looks so jealous when Lena asks Eddie to spot her. I have reason to believe buck was madder at the bond Eddie and Lena have than her being his replacement.

S3:E5 Rage

During the meeting for Buck’s lawsuit everyone’s gaze bounces off of the lawer to buck and back to the lawyer, but i can just imagine how betrayed Eddie felt that he doesn’t takes his eyes off of Buck, not even when the lawyer is asking questions, Eddie got that intense eye contact. 😩

Then they meet at the supermarket and Eddie goes off on Buck, he says it all, that he can’t even talk to him now because of the lawsuit, Christopher misses him and he didn’t even think about that. He says “it (the lawsuit) prevents me from reaching out to you, i couldn’t even call you to bail me out of jail!” oop.

Bobby side eyes Eddie like girl sit your ass down.

i fully thought eddie was gonna slam buck against the shelves. to punch him or the other thing, idk.

S3:E6 Monsters

Eddie is such a great dad. I know we had already gotten into that in another post but really, the patience that i’m sure it takes to be able to gentle parent Buck is outstanding.

He achieved what bobby couldn’t, which is to make buck understand what he did wrong (with the lawsuit).

Buck: i just want you to talk to me, even if it is just to say that you’re still mad. (confused because eddie is just plain ignoring him)

eddie: i’m not mad, i’m-

(EDDIE I KNOW you were gonna say “i’m disappointed” omg classic parenting 101 😭)

Buck saw the little picture and said, what’s the fastest way to get back out there, but Eddie tries to make him see the bigger picture, utilizing techniques like rationalizing and treating the kid as an adult

Eddie: lotta “I”s in there. your actions, your choices, they impact the rest of us. that’s what it means to be a part of a team.

and of course that’s all it took to make Buck let it out, and talk about his feelings 😭😂

S3:E8 Malfunction

I swear Buck can’t shut up about Eddie he brings him up when Maddie, Chim and him are talking about Hen like “yeah and you know who else is acting weird? Eddie!”

S3:E9 Fallout

domestic night in Buck’s loft and Buck is apologizing for not being there to see that Eddie needed someone, and that he wasn’t there for Christopher either. i remember that this was the first time i noticed the gay vibe between these two 😭 Buck creeping closer to Eddie, beer bottle in Eddie’s hand

Buck saying “now, i thought that day in the grocery store you were gonna take a swing at me” while his eyes check Eddie out?! i knew there was too much tension that day in the store.

Eddie: but i wouldn’t do that *checks him out” you’re on blood thinners.

Buck: well, i’d still take you 🧿🫦🧿 (the beer bottle is IN his mouth)

Eddie: you think so

Buck: i know

this is where he slowly walks over to Eddie, stands right next to him and the tension could be cut with a knife.

of course since they are just bros they work it out with a videogame.

S3:E10 Christmas Spirit

it is kind of sad that when the team’s family organize a christmas dinner in the station Buck doesn’t have anyone to go hug :”( but on the other side as Eddie is hugging Christopher Buck stares at them smiling like a thousand stars.

During christmas dinner Christopher sits between Buck and Eddie :”)

S3:E11 Seize The Day

Buck tells Maddie he doesn’t see himself as a guest in Eddies house.

S3:E12 Fools

Buck does everything he can to support Eddie and Christopher, he built him a safe skateboard 🫶

S3:E15 Eddie begins

As Carla and Christopher visit Eddie to ask him if they can take his Silver Medal to show and tell at school, Buck can’t stay away and has a fangirl moment with Christopher.

Buck’s instinct is to risk it all to save Eddie when he cuts the line that was gonna pull him up, and oh God when the lightning struck and the tunnel was gone, leaving Eddie trapped down there Buck was hysterical, upset and yelling for him. he was so freaked out and worried. he fell down crying.

and the thought of the others thinking he’s dead got him so mad.

in the montage while eddie was drowning who is the first person he heard?? Buck when he first saw a picture of Christopher 😩✋

buck: oh you got a kid?

Eddie: Christopher

Buck: and super adorable, i love kids

eddie: i love this one

the 118 is the family he chose, and i’m honestly so happy he found someone who shares his love for Christopher as much as he does.

S3:E16 The One That Got Away

when attending an emergency for a hot air balloon Buck mentions on the drive there that everything is super romantic until someone calls 9-1-1. Eddie asks him if Maddie said that but Buck responds

“uhhh no, someone else”

Buck why wouldn’t you just say that it was abby? it was in S1:E9 Trapped, they were going on a hot air balloon date, but it got cancelled. seriously why didn’t he just tell Eddie that it was Abby?? 🤨🤔🏳️‍🌈

And then Karen and Hen were talking about going out to a tepanyaki place, Hen went with Chim (allegedly) and didn’t invite Karen, to justify herself Hen said that if she invited Karen And Chim he would invite Maddie and she would invite Buck, and Buck Eddie. then Athena and Bobby, so the night would look a little like this.

👩🏾‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏾

👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻

👨🏼‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻

👩🏾‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏼

S3:E18 What’s next?

Buck promised Abby that he would get her fiancé out of the train reck, and when Eddie reveals this to Bobby he seems so mad that Abby is the reason Buck wants to put his life in danger. he says “Abby” with so much hate 😂😭

Eddie and Buck taking couples pictures at May’s graduarion party 🥰

that is ittt. hope you liked thiss

[yikesharringrove]

He doesn’t know why, but he’s laying down.

It’s the first thing he realizes. A stupid thing to notice, but just one minute ago, he was standing behind the counter at Family Video, and now he’s laying down.

His eyes are heavy, and it feels like it takes a huge amount of effort just to open them.

He’s in a fucking hospital.

He knows from the stupid white color of the stupid drop ceiling tiles. From the stupid annoying beeping of the stupid heart monitor. From the stupid scratchy gown he’s wearing instead of his sweater.

He heard a muttered curse next to him, and slowly lolled his head over to look.

Hopper was sitting next to his bed, his hat balanced on his knee, looking grumpily at the crossword printed on the back of The Hawkins Post. Steve wanted to laugh at the image, the chief of police swearing as he scribbled out something.

“How the fuck am I supposed to know that? Nobody knows what the fuck that is.”

“Blame Nancy,” Steve croaked. His head throbbed and he closed his eyes again. “She convinced them to add that. Said sales would go up.”

There was a rustling of paper.

“Smart girl,” Hopper said. He paused for a moment, and Steve felt like he needed someone to come and crowbar his eyes open or they would stay closed forever.

“You collapsed. Scared the shit out of your girlfriend, and everyone else at the video store.”

“Not my girlfriend,” Steve mumbled.

So that makes sense, why he was at work one second, and in a lousy bed at Hawkins General the next.

“You didn’t hit your head. Hargrove caught you before you went all the way down.”

Jesus, Billy’s reflexes really are something else. Steve’s gonna need to thank him for that. The last fucking thing he needs is another concussion. Maybe, to show his gratitude, he’ll suck Billy’s-

“I’m here because we need to talk about what the doctors found in your system.”

Steve’s mind went blank, and his eyes flew open.

Hopper was looking at him, his face an unfamiliar mix of sad, and angry, and fucking, disappointed.

Steve felt like he could vomit.

“They ran your blood. Routine E.R. shit, I’m told. But they found some, some substances that shouldn’t be there.”

Steve swallowed down the lump in his throat.

He knew the guilt was written all over his face.

“How long?”

“Since the summer.” He couldn’t look at Hop in the face. Not while he admitted this shit.

He was fucking stupid to think he wouldn’t be caught.

It’s a miracle Robin hasn’t walked in on him doing bumps in the bathroom at work, or Billy hasn’t found his stash tucked between the mattress and the box spring.

Hopper sighed.

“I know we all went through a lot last summer. With your friend getting trapped in the Upside Down, and you getting captured-”

“Tortured. I got tortured.”

Hopper sighed again.

“Getting coked up isn’t going to help anything.”

“What is this? Fucking Family Ties?”

He felt Hopper’s glare more than he actually saw it.

“It’s stupid-”

“You just don’t get it! Okay?” He really didn’t mean to yell, his head just fucking hurts and he’s so fucking stupid.

“Oh yeah,” Hopper snarked. “I fucking forgot. You’re the only person in the goddamn world that’s ever dealt with fucking drug addiction. So sorry.”

“I’m not addicted!” Lie.

“I don’t fucking believe you.”

Steve glared at Hopper.

“So, what? You’re here to arrest me?”

“No. I’m here to talk some fucking sense into you.” He shifted in his chair, the newspaper slid off his lap and fell on the floor. “You’re around those kids all the time. You fucking drive them around. You have been endangering their lives for months. And why? Because you can’t handle the trauma? We all have trauma. You think your friend Hargrove is totally fine after being stuck in that place? After realizing some fucked up doppelgänger was killing people? You think your girlfriend is totally fine after being tortured by the Russians too?”

“I don’t do it when I have to drive the kids, Hop I swear.” That, was the truth. “Okay, the other stuff, I get your point, but I need you to know, I wouldn’t hurt the kids like that, I-” the heart monitor was speeding up, getting louder in Steve’s panic. “You have to believe me, I’ve never driven them high.”

“Okay, okay. I believe you.” Hopper sighed again. “Just, why?”

Steve gulped.

“The Russians, they drugged us. They said it would make us tell them the truth. And I don’t know what it was, but fuck. It felt good. I couldn’t feel the pain, and I wasn’t scared, and I just. I didn’t know how to stop being scared.”

It was embarrassing.

Admitting that he’s been scared shitless ever since that first demogorgon dropped through the Byers’ ceiling.

Admitting he’s been doing lines of coke to keep himself from spiraling into inconsolable panic.

“I did some at a party, and it was the closest I felt to that feeling.”

Not technically true. He and Billy did some together last August, and it was like the fearlessness washed over Steve in warm waves.

But he can’t throw Billy under the bus like that.

And if Billy ever found out, that one night of drug experimentation between lovers turned into a full-on addiction, he’d never forgive himself.

There was a pause.

“Have you been snorting or shooting?”

“Snorting.”

“Okay,” Hopper stood up, stretching his arms above his head and placing his hat back on. “I’m going to tell your friends what’s going on. Not the kids, just Hargrove and Buckley. Joyce, too. Then, when you get out of here, you and I are going to clean out any stashes you’ve got. And we’re all going to be watching you like a fucking hawk.”

“Wait,” Steve croaked, his heart rate jumping up again, the beeping speeding up. “Don’t tell Billy.” Hopper shot Steve a look that said really? “Let me tell him. He needs to hear it from me.”

Hopper paused, on hand on the doorknob.

“Did he get you hooked? Is he on it too?”

“No! Nothing like that. Please? He’ll be upset unless I tell him.”

Hopper gave him a look that was a little too searching to be comfortable.

“Okay. Okay, kid. I’ll send him in. But he’ll know what’s going on one way or another. Don’t make me tell him that you’ve lied. Don’t think he’d appreciate it.”

He left the room without another word, leaving Steve to stew in his shame.

He’s such an idiot.

Why did he ever think he could get away with this and not one person would notice?

Even if they didn’t know he was regularly doing cocaine, Billy and Robin already knew something was up. They kept asking him if he was okay, coming over for impromptu sleepover parties. It was nice, he loves them both, but it was only a matter of time before the penny dropped.

It’s just embarrassing. That a routine blood test exposed the amount of uppers in his system. Exposed how little he’s dealing.

He rolled over, waiting for Billy to come into the room and blame himself for Steve’s stupidity. He didn’t want that.

Billy didn’t have a drug problem. He thought it’d be fun for them to get a little high and do stuff together. And it was! It was so fun, and they’d talked about doing it again.

Steve can kiss that idea goodbye.

He wouldn’t be surprised if Billy started following him into the bathroom to make sure he wasn’t doing anything he shouldn’t be.

It’s sweet, that his boyfriend cares so much about him that he would, hypothetically at least, do that.

But Billy’s got enough on his plate, and if Steve knows anything about him, it’s that he blames himself for shit just as much as Steve does.

He focused on the steady beeping of the heart monitor. Still elevated, his nerves for the coming conversation getting the best of him.

His head was pounding in a way that said it was time for his next fix.

He squeezed his eyes closed, willing away the need thrumming under his skin.

“So, you finally gonna tell me why you’ve been actin’ all squirrelly lately?”

[scarymonsters-andsupercreeps]

So… could we get some Mr. Crowley lore…. (IM STARVED) 🙏

Of course! I’m so happy someone is curious about him! I’m not 100% certain how his story is going to go just yet, so I’ll put a few ideas as well as some traits (below the cut because it’s a lot of rambling!)

I did a couple of doodles! The first one is of course how he looks hatless, and the second one is him using his stand to track someone.

If you haven’t read the stand explanation in his debut post, basically his closed eye is useless except to track someone who’s been hit by [Snakebite]. The venom shows up to him like a heat signature and he can track the victim down as it takes effect.

(I do recommend reading the debut post, everything below this point won’t make sense otherwise…sorry 😭)

He’s a sharpshooter, and you may be thinking it’s harder for him to shoot with only one functional eye. That’s actually not the case! Competitive target shooters actually place what’s called a blinder on their gun. It covers the eye they’re not using when they look down their sights. That way, they don’t have to close one eye for a long time. Mr. Crowley usually wears his eyepatch, and he did even before he got his stand.

His coat is also functional as a shooting jacket. The straps on his arms can be tightened or moved to basically immobilize his arms in the right position to hold his gun, meaning he doesn’t exert himself as much. This can also help with aim.

As a bounty hunter, he usually prefers if his targets never even realize he was there. He will pick them off from a distance with his rifle. For close quarters he uses a double barrel shotgun, and for hand-to-hand he has a machete or other knife. He likes his marks to be quick and painless, thus he rarely has to use his stand. But sometimes the target will have other ideas.

In terms of personality, he’s definitely more reserved than his brother Mrs. Robinson. He is a deeply angry person, and usually doesn’t talk much. If he’s upset he’ll stop talking altogether. He takes his job seriously, but has a strong moral code otherwise. No bystanders will be harmed, especially not children.

He was a very caring and gentle older brother when Mrs. Robinson was born. To this day Mr. Crowley has a soft spot for children and babies. If he can help it, he will make sure they don’t have to see him kill someone. He saw death at a young age and will not inflict it on someone else. Because of this he also won’t accept a contract if his target is a parent.

I think him being a touch hypocritical is important to his character. It’s good basis for him to have a big revelation. He still has a little bit of a heart left despite being hardened.

I want him to start out working under Valentine, but later encounter something that makes him change his mind. Kind of like Diego. I think maybe Valentine sends him after Lucy, and since she’s a kid, Mr. Crowley instead helps her to safety and likely dies protecting her.

I don’t know! I’m still working it out. This could all change, but I think at least the bones of it is right. I want him to betray Valentine, that’s for certain.

I haven’t decided if he ever meets anyone from the main cast, or if he’s able to save his brother. Mrs. Robinson wouldn’t even know him due to their age gap and circumstances, so Mr. Crowley would probably just keep his distance instead of complicating things. It has been in his best interest his whole life to leave him alone. He might decide to speak to Mrs. Robinson without revealing his identity, just to see him again.

I think he will spend most of the race showing up just enough not to be disqualified. Valentine wants him to keep a close eye on the racers, but he doesn’t need him winning. Mr. Crowley will probably keep his distance most of the time to most effectively watch any racers Valentine tells him to.

Speaking of the race, I should talk about his horse. His horse is a mare, named Ligea.

(I couldn’t resist a goth music name here since his other music references aren’t goth despite the fact that he is)

Mr. Crowley and Ligea are good friends and a good team. Ligea has been trained to allow Mr. Crowley to fire while mounted or use her saddle as a gun rest. She is also trained to bite anyone but him who tries to touch or mount her.

I haven’t designed her just yet, but I will soon!

I think this is all I’ve got for now! If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I’m so so happy people care about my weird ocs and listening to me talk about them!

If you want more I can make a shorter list of simple fun facts 😭 I’m sorry about how long this is, I wasn’t expecting to talk this much!

🖤💚

[universitypenguin]

Reissued Post - Jealousy

Author's Note: Because Tumblr was having issues when I posted the original version of this, some of my followers are having trouble accessing it. I'm reissuing a few of my side piece stories so everyone can read them.

Masterlist

Word Count: 883

Would princess get jealous if she saw Lloyd maybe talking (or what she would perceive as flirting/getting cozy) with another woman? While I know they agreed on an affair something tells me she’d feel those twinges of jealousy deep down? 

There are a few different reactions she might have, depending on the context of the flirting. She’s emotionally intelligent and great at managing conflict (probably because she’s the oldest of five kids). 

Here’s a sampling of scenarios and how Princess would react to each. 

1. A woman flirts with Lloyd and he casually flirts back out of habit.

Let’s say he accidentally flirts back to a waitress one night when you’re having dinner. In this situation Princess would be amused, but she wouldn’t let Lloyd know it right away. Because seriously, who wastes ammo like that? She would hold it over his head and pretend to be upset just to watch him stew in discomfort. 

Lloyd only flirted out of habit and he’s annoyed that the whole situation is just a slip of the tongue. He wants to brush it all under the rug and move on. Princess isn’t about to let that happen. After all, you should set your expectations clearly in any relationship, right? Even if it is “just an affair.” Drawing out the reaction to provoke him, she lets him wheedle and negotiate. 

Lloyd grows more and more horrified. He knows he screwed up, but he also has no idea what one does to fix this kind of thing. He hadn’t intended to upset you. The flirting didn’t mean anything. He wasn’t interested in that woman! Then the fatal words leave his mouth: “It was no big deal.” 

Your eyes narrow. His skin prickles as you scan the room with a predatory gaze. 

“Princess…”

“Hmmm?”

“Don’t even think about it,” Lloyd says.

“It’s no big deal. You know I’m not actually interested, but a woman should always keep her hunting skills sharp, you know?” 

With a vicious smirk, you slide out of the booth and walk towards a lonely looking man at the bar. Lloyd tosses cash on the table. He’s on you before you’re halfway across the room and grasps your hand in a firm grip. With subtle pressure he guides you out of the restaurant. As you allow him to drag you to the parking lot, his lips brush your ear. 

“I’m going to make damn sure you don’t have enough brain cells to think about hunting skills for a long time, Princess.” 

2. Lloyd flirts with someone to make Princess jealous.

If this happened, Princess would be irritated. But in the interest of managing Lloyd’s behavior she realizes if she rewards him with the reaction he want to get - i.e., jealousy, this will make the situation worse. She gives him the cold shoulder instead. He wants passion and rage, so she crafts the response of an ice queen. 

This won’t go over well. When he realizes she isn’t paying attention, Lloyd would approach her and move the situation into a direct confrontation.

Did you see him with that woman? Things are going well, he’s considering taking her home. 

Princess knows a bait question when she sees it. She tosses back the rest of her drink and raises an eyebrow. 

“Do you expect me to be jealous?”

Lloyd’s nostrils flare. 

She smirks. “You know what? I am jealous. I’m jealous that when we got involved, you did a much better job of picking a partner than I did.” 

3. Lloyd is genuinely trying to pick someone up. 

If Lloyd was genuinely trying to pick up another woman, Princess would be really hurt. She’d initially look for another explanation and try to evaluate his actions in context, and compare them with the woman’s response. But when she can’t rationalize them she’d turn away. There’s no clearer signal of a lack of interest than going after someone else. If confronted about the situation, she would be honest about her feelings and she’d tell him what she saw that hurt her.

Lloyd’s response would go one of two ways. First, he might be shocked and speechless. Secondly, he could repay her honesty with equal truth, and explain that he wanted to gain her attention and make her jealous. Princess has never seen this streak of insecurity in Lloyd before, but she would hear him out. She would listen to his feelings and try to identify what prompted his behavior. Then she would reassure him she’s only interested in him and there’s no reason for him to whip up her jealousy. However… if he’s going to play on her emotions, she won’t tolerate it for long. He has to know what he dislikes, what scares him, what he’s comfortable with, and how he wants to be treated.

She can handle boundaries. But she knows better than to allow someone with Lloyd’s personality to manipulate her emotions. Even after prison, and therapy, and committing to being a different person, Lloyd still has a Machiavellian streak in him which has the potential to be very dangerous. Princess loves Lloyd. At the same time, she knows who he is. When it comes down to it, she knows she has to manage her own feelings and resist his games to keep their relationship healthy.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Masterlist

[hellsbeenbettersincehesplit]

A oneshot character study of Husk based on one line from the pilot, focusing on if he were arospec. Cross-posted on here under the cut!

i lost the ability to love years ago

In life, Husk had only felt anything that could lead to a romance twice.

The first was when he was young and foolish. He’d had a few close friends. It began with lust, attraction, fascination. He caught himself staring, wondering over card games. He began fantasizing about a future the two would spend together. He’d done so many things he hadn’t cared for just to spend more time together. Looking back, he’d sometimes chuckle at how much money he’d lost- he could never keep his poker face.

He’d considered asking his friend out. He’d been ready to make a move, but life got in the way. The two drifted apart. Eventually, Husk’s feelings faded.

For a long time, he thought he’d blown his only chance. Sure, soulmates were a corny thing to believe in- but he hadn’t felt anything like that again for so long after that. What other conclusion was he supposed to draw?

The second time was for the woman he would one day marry. He worked in his family’s casino; she was a showgirl. He’d do magic tricks of one kind and she’d do another, and they’d both get the money off of someone or other. The two would meet up for drinks after their shifts every now and then. It started with physical attraction- she was gorgeous, who wouldn’t admire her? As time went on, and as he got to know her, he admired her sarcastic sense of humor, her jaded attitude, her creativity, her wit, even her ability to match him drink for drink.

He pursued her the conventional way. They’d gotten married in the deserts, because they didn’t want a Vegas wedding- what happened in Vegas stayed in Vegas, and as objectively false as the saying was, the location choice was about the sentiment- he wanted them to be a pair everywhere, forever. He’d briefly tried to become a stage magician, and while the career didn’t pan out, she had a genuine admiration for his skill. He’d eventually settled in Vegas and the two ran the casino together. They had a child, and it dawned on Husk one day that somehow, he’d ended up with a perfectly conventional life despite being a casino owner in Vegas.

Romance always struck Husk as odd. The idea of love at first sight was so popular, but Husk had always understood a difference between lust and romantic potential, and the latter never had anything to do with what he found at first sight. His friends would all laugh and call him a cynical bastard, and eventually, that’s how he saw himself. The same as everyone else, just a bit cynical about the whole romance thing.

She’d died of illness. It was a slow death, and she deserved better. He never remarried. He’d just maintained the casino his family had left him with his child and grew his wealth. He died of liver failure as an old man. It had been a miracle that it hadn’t happened sooner.

When he never found her, he knew in his gut that his wife had gone to Heaven. He was glad. As the years passed, Husk realized that his kid had also gone to heaven, whenever they’d died. Husk himself had gone to Hell. This wasn’t a surprise- he’d spent his life scamming people out of their money to accumulate his own wealth. He missed those two like they were a beating heart that’d been ripped from his chest, but more than that, he was relieved that the two most important people to him hadn’t gone where he did.

He opened up a new casino in Hell. It was scarily successful- so many souls were willing to gamble it all. On some level, he could understand why- they were in Hell. They didn’t exactly have much left to lose. He hadn’t even intended to become an overlord, but people kept betting them when they’d ran low on cash, and it was shockingly easy to just write a few clauses that the souls they gained at the casino would go back to Husk. The more souls he had, the bigger the casino got. The bigger the casino got, the more desperate sinners flooded in, ready and willing to bet even their soul for a chance of winning it big. The more power he amassed, the more he wanted more. The more he wanted, the more risks he’d take to get it. At some point, because he’d been on such a lucky streak, he began to view himself as untouchable.

Every demon knows that there are seven rings in Hell for the seven deadly sins. Pride, wrath, greed, lust, envy, sloth, and gluttony. In the end, it could’ve been greed, gluttony, or pride that was Husk’s downfall.

In the end, it didn’t actually matter which of the three it was.

He’d gambled. He’d lost. He’d bet his souls. He’d lost those too. He ran out of things to bet, and bet his soul. He’d never imagine he’d lose this badly. He should’ve cut his losses early on. He lost his soul and everything he’d built the entire time that he’d been in this pit.

The irony wasn’t lost on him that his downfall was the same way he’d screwed over so many sinners. It wouldn’t surprise him if that’s why the radio demon chose this specific method of taking down another overlord.

He quickly found himself as the radio demon’s favorite pet, as much as Husk despised it when he would use that term. The overlord thought flaunting the fact that he owned husk was fun in some sick kind of way. Husk found himself constantly needing a drink to cope with where his afterlife had gone- a habit that the radio demon picked up on. Suddenly, Husk was always around alcohol, always growing more dependent, always looking for the solutions to his problems at the bottom of a bottle.

He sometimes wondered if losing his soul meant he’d lost his ability to love. Sure, it was always rare. Probably rarer than any of his friends in life had felt such things, but everyone was different. Still, one day it had finally occurred to Husk that he hadn’t felt any kind of romantic attraction in decades. Just one more thing Alastor had taken from him. He chose to ignore that he hadn’t felt anything like that before he lost his soul. Plenty of souls down here were in relationships. Clearly, Husk wouldn’t have lost his capacity for romance when he died, so he must have lost it in that game of poker. Overlords affected the souls they owned in ways that were hard to understand at times, it wasn’t beyond reason to assume this could be a side effect.

Husk’s gambling only got worse after he gambled away his soul. He was the misguided soul with nothing to lose. Being at rock bottom meant he had everything to gain. His skill with poker hadn’t dissipated, and he’d make enough money to buy himself something nice every now and then.

The radio demon hated it when Husk was on a winning streak. Every time he’d start to get back a little bit of what he used to have, it’d all be lost again. The radio demon was always there, ready to remind Husk of his place.

If he ever wrote a memoir, he’d call it Husk: The Modern Sisyphus.

One day, the radio demon just. Disappeared. He stopped calling Husk, stopped having Husk do odd jobs, stopped being in Husk’s life. He could still feel the heavy, cold weight of the green chain around his neck, weighing down his every step. Husk still couldn’t go back to his old power. But the sinner who’d given those orders had vanished. It hadn’t taken him very long to figure out that Alastor had made a deal of some sort, and probably had to stay away for some reason or another.

Husk had started doing his stage magic again- it felt a little ridiculous in a place with actual magic, but his old heart still had a passion for these silly tricks.

Of course, the radio demon didn’t stay gone. Nothing good that happened to Husk could be permanent, not in Hell. In the blink of an eye, after seven years of peace, he was whipped from his latest game of poker and stuck bartending for some failing hotel. That was where he’d met Angel Dust.

Husk was attracted to the man. Of course he was. But Husk had never been one to think with his dick over his brain, and his brain told him that the spider was just a glitter and show with no proof of substance underneath. Husk didn’t let himself get flustered by the flirting. He had a perfect poker face, it was easy for him to identify someone else’s mask.

Husk thought Angel Dust was attractive. More than that, Husk thought Angel Dust was annoying. Until Husk finally got him to open up. Suddenly, it was like Angel was a prism that had just been exposed to sunlight, and Husk was seeing the hidden beauty that’d before been just out of reach.

Husk had thought selling his soul had cost him his ability to love, until a third person finally awoke those dormant romantic feelings in his heart. If he’d known about modern day labels, he likely would’ve identified as somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. Instead, he'd just accepted romantic attraction as something rare, and Husk moved on with his miserable afterlife.

[theseventhoffrostfall]

I saw your post where you said your pet theory about Judge Holden is that he’s the narrator of Blood Meridian, which I found both very intriguing and fun.

But the more I thought about it, I eventually realized there seems to be two things possibly hindering the legitimacy of the theory, and I wanted to discuss, if you don’t mind. I know you made your post months ago, so I don’t know if you still stand by your theory, but I don’t really have anybody to discuss BM with.

The first potential snag is a simple question: If we want to assume Holden is the narrator, how would he know about where the Kid came from, why he ran away, what he did before they met, etc. when it seems like the Kid never told anyone about those things, and Holden - for all his incredible knowledge - isn’t omniscient. Do we have to assume he DID tell someone like Toadvine or Tobin off-page during their long travels and the judge overheard him? With how guarded emotionally the Kid is, I didn’t think that would happen.

How I came to an answer for it was by considering that maybe at some point the Judge decided to do research on this boy to understand him, to find out WHY he showed “clemency to the heathen”, in the hopes of one day dominating him, and used reasoning to retrace the Kid’s steps, like perhaps starting off with remembering the Kid would have a Tennessean accent and going to TN as a starting point. It’s a stretch, but that’s what I came up with.

The second hiccup regards the narration’s physical descriptions of the Judge throughout the novel, which come off like we’re supposed to view Holden as strange, off-putting, and kind of disgusting-looking. The example that sticks out in my mind is when the gang is at the bathhouse in Chihuahua City and he’s directly compared to a manatee, which has pretty much never been used as a flattering comparison. In contrast, the way Holden acts shows he’s very comfortable in his own skin to the point where he frequently goes naked, with nothing to suggest he deals with any sort of insecurity, or even a self-deprecating nature.

The only justification I can come up with is that he’s like SpongeBob in that one episode where he goes “I’M UGLY AND I’M PROUD!!!”

All in all, I still find your “Holden is the narrator theory” to be fun on a surface level, but for now I wouldn’t personally believe it. Heck, maybe this whole time you never took the theory seriously either and I’ve just been babbling inanely, but even three months after reading BM I still got it lodged in my brain and I gotta let some of my thoughts out.

Yo, sorry for the late answer.

I wouldn't say the theory is something I dwelt a very long time on, so I don't think it's foolproof by any means, but I might be able to address those two points you mentioned.

One, it's possible Holden out of curiosity did walk up the kid's backtrail--he's shown to be obsessive about knowing everything, especially something like a young kid who manages to defy his influence. He's not omniscient, but he also routinely shows that he has knowledge that no one else has and he has no way of knowing, such as the ancient stone-builders he goes on his infamous rant about. Some thirty years pass between the kid escaping him and their reunion, so he'd have plenty of time to follow up through means mundane or (if you buy into the common theories) supernatural. He's a convincing enough authority figure/intellectual that him showing up at the kid's family farm and ascertaining that the current owners' uncle or whatever ran away at fourteen is well within the realm of possibility.

Two, he clearly delights in making people squirm. Usually this takes the form of tearing down their philosophical and theological views, but it occasionally delves into more blunt methods (like his treatment of the native kid he 'rescues'). I don't think it's wholly coincidental that he resembles the Baron Harkonnen of Dune fame, who's stated to have cultivated a disgusting appearance out of perverse glee for being so loathsome. Being an ugly, unnerving figure galivanting around in 'polite' company seems to me to be completely up his alley.

Ultimately, though, my theory's based more on the voice it takes matching his voice more than any other, along with certain quirks of his--he's obsessive about the natural world while holding (or at least espousing) horrifically racist views, and the narration gets extremely purple regarding the landscape and natural world around them (recall a sunrise being described like the arrival of an eldritch god) while unflinchingly referring to Native peoples as 'savages' and dwelling on the squalor of Mexican and some American settlements.

But yeah, it's not something I'm 100% convinced on myself, and certainly not something I'd bicker over defending.

[h8ani]

Naruto Reaction to you kissing one of their friends

A/N - hello! I just recently got my account taken off of explicit so I will be posting more! I was recently an only kpop reaction/writing blog which I’ll still write for them but I will be writing for different animes as well. So I’m going to start off with reactions for right now since I no longer have my laptop. I hope everyone enjoys this and feel free to request other reaction posts from me!

Reaction includes - Konoha 12 boys + Sai & Gaara

Naruto: Seeing you kiss him was something that easily changed his mood. Seeing you so close to his friend, it made his insides turn. He didn’t know why he felt like this, maybe it’s jealousy, maybe it’s the fact he wants to be the one kissing you instead of Gaara, but something in Naruto makes him avoid you from here on out. No more smiles at you when he passes you by in the village, no more inviting you out to eat whenever you got back from a mission, all he’ll give you is a cold shoulder because brushing you off and not seeing you is better than seeing you with his friend.

Sasuke: He scoffs out loud, he couldn’t help it, it might’ve slipped out and was a bit louder than he meant to but he still felt the same about it. You turn around facing away from Neji and raise an eyebrow at Sasuke.

“You don’t think anything will come from this do you?” Sasuke speaks before you can even question him. Your features soften after realizing what he’s said.

“What?”

“Don’t be stupid, love never works out for a shinobi, let alone when it’s between two of them. You’ll become distracted or dead.” His voice is harsh and his eyes are staring at you making you cower down. He huffs out a breath and walks past you and Neji who has stayed silent to this all. His words were harsh but he could never admit how he was feeling the moment he saw you kissing someone else.

Sai: Its easy not to show any emotion for him. No one ever knows what he’s thinking but that’s for the best, because seeing you and Kiba together did something to him that even Sai himself doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand it, no, he can’t believe it. He can’t believe why you would want to kiss Kiba, you’ve never hinted at anything romantic towards him, you’ve always acted the same so why were you and Kiba kissing so casually as if it were normal? Sai’s mind was malfunctioning while he still had the same indifferent look on his face. Only he would deal with the thoughts that would fill his mind up, no one would ever know.

Shikamaru: Shikamaru never cared about much. He never cared about the useless relationships around the village because all that led to was drama and that was another headache he didn’t care to have. That was, until he saw you walking around with Lee. You were walking around with Rock mf Lee and Shikamaru couldn’t help but stop to watch you two. Nothing out of the ordinary until he sees you raise up on your tippy toes to quickly kiss Lee. Like some grade school kids you quickly walk the other direction while Lee sprints away with almost a gust of smoke following his heels. You not paying attention you run straight into Shikamaru.

“Oh! Sorry!” You look up and Shikamaru sees your cheeks are flushed and somehow he couldn’t help but find that annoying.

“So you and Lee? Really?” He looks down at you as you crane your neck up to meet his eyes. “You do know you could do better right?”

You look at him surprised. “What? Why would you-”

“I’m not bashing him, I’m just saying that I would be better.” He shrugs and walks off leaving you completely shocked in his response.

Choji: His mood would immediately change and it’s even worse because Choji wouldn’t be able to hide what was wrong to anyone. Just assume everyone around him could see a giant storm cloud following him around because that’s how obvious he would be. Right away, and I mean riiight away Ino, Shikamaru, and even random villagers would notice Choji’s change in demeanor. It’s not like he hated Sai, he just doesn’t understand why you of all people would like him. Sai was so out there, doesn’t seem to show any like or dislike towards anything or anyone other than his drawings he’d do. Then there was you, someone completely different and someone Choji really liked. Poor boy would be so sad for days on end.

Kiba: He stopped in his tracks once he saw his teammate kissing someone, he was more nosy than anything but once he saw who Shino was kissing Kiba just wished that he kept on walking. You looked behind his teammate and smiled at Kiba.

“Hi Kiba.” Your smile meets your eyes and Shino turns to nod at his friend. “What’re you doing?” You ask.

“Oh um…” he scratches the back of his head thinking. “I was going to get something to eat, did you guys-”

“Ooo! Let’s all get something to eat together!” You say excitedly while grabbing Shino’s hand. Shino just mumbles a ‘sure’ and you all make your way down.

Kiba smiles and walks beside you. The stinging in his chest still there but at the end of the day he can’t be selfish, he won’t be selfish, not when it comes to you and your happiness.

Shino: He never cared about you, you were just a simple shinobi who got brought along a few missions. He didn’t care about how happy you got once you perfected your jutsus’. He didn’t care about your life secrets whenever you let something slip about your past and the look on your face when you’d realize you said too much. He certainly didn’t care if you made it back alive from any solo missions and if you were a few days late from them either. At least, that’s what he’s going to say to himself whenever he sees you kissing Shikamaru goodbye every time you leave for your missions. Yeah, Shino totally doesn’t care about you at all.

Neji: He’s trying, he really is trying to think positively and for the best, but something about seeing you, the always cheerful and kind hearted girl with the likes of him, it just doesn’t sit well with Neji. He doesn’t know why or what caused you to be with Sasuke but Neji at the very least is trying to be happy for you. If you’re happy and being treated right by the sole Uchiha in the village Neji can at least make peace with that. At least that’s what he’s trying to convince himself ever since he saw you two together.

Rock Lee: It was out of the ordinary for him to feel this way, he would never say anything bad about his comrade, no never. He’d never say anything about you either, but his tongue moved faster than his brain could stop him and seeing your pained expression and the look his friend is giving him made Lee instantly regret the words that left his mouth.

“Wh-What did you just say?” You stumble on your words while Choji just sighs. You were always too nice, too forgiving. Lee didn’t deserve it, he knows that, Choji knows that, but you still didn’t.

Lee just shakes his head, mumbling an apology while walking away.

Gaara: He couldn’t help but frown, his face changing as he saw you and Naruto kissing, he wasn’t jealous, no he could never be jealous of his closest friend. He was happy for Naruto, but his emotions for himself were present and anyone could see it. He walks away and makes the long journey back to the Suna suddenly abandoning whatever reason he came to the leaf village in the first place

[annonniiiiieeeee]

i feel like donnie and kendra would be that one couple that everyone is sure would break up and then they last longer than everyone else’s relationship

I don’t know if you sent this to me because you saw the new valentines chapter or not but it’s amazing how as soon as I posted that I had this ask.

Also. I agree.

I think they have the potential to be a really great couple. It all depends on how you write them. I think they would be a couple that bickers constantly. Not in a toxic I’m trying to hurt you way, but playful arguing.

I think she’s look at something he made in a sleep deprived haze and point out that it sucks. Not to be mean but to point out that he A. Needs sleep and B. Is capable of better. I think she’d also point out how to fix it. I think they’d push each other to their limit but also push each other to be better.

When your creative there’s a difference between telling someone your idea and sharing the idea. Donnie can tell his family about his inventions but he’s not going to get technical feed back from them until it’s already made and they can use it. Kendra would be able to brainstorm with him and push the idea further (you could also argue Jeremy here)

She’s his type, cute and mean.

Donnie also doesn’t have the strongest morals. Someone like Raph who has a strong moral compass wouldn’t work with someone like Kendra. But Donnie, Donnie has his drone robbing ATMs, all that titanium he has is definitely stolen. I think if Kendra stopped looking out just for her, or expanded her circle to those Donnie cared for they’d be set.

This is not a show romance, in the show they are Donnie’s 14 and she’s 16 at oldest. Their kids, kids with a lot of growing to do. In Valentine’s Chronicles I have Donnie at 18 (two years after movie) and Kendra at 19/20. They older and have had time to grow and even at that I didn’t stream line them. They would need time to grow. Kendra needs to start putting others first. Donnie need to realize he’s being flirted with.

If they get together it’s in their mid twenties. Before that I can see them becoming business partners with Kendra, Jeremy, and maybe Jason taking roles in Donnie corp. (Timothy is there as well)

I think Donnie has three corps. One make software for hackers and one making anti hacking software (he sells them under different business names) Kendra defiantly heads the hacker software and Donnie the anti hacking department keeping their rivalry alive and well. (They’re also making bank off of this) the third corp is just standard inventions from Donnie.

At the very least they make great business partners. At best they are the couple no one thought would happen or thought would last and end up out lasting.

I just think their neat but your more then welcome to have your own opinions on it.

[metallteeff]

my long gender post lol

idk how long it’ll actually be but like. god i’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of “knowing since you were a kid” recently and for the longest time i thought i didn’t really know but recently i’ve remembered and realized to an extent i did know but in the vein of “who cares” and i guess i just always assumed everyone else felt the same. like i just thought everyone was like who cares, but ill just wear this thing because everyone else does.

and i used to be really nervous and somewhat afraid of bringing up my autism and other things in relation to my gender because so many people use it to discount and discredit your experience, especially when it’s brought up as a cause of you being trans. i’ve always been afraid of someone coming up to me and saying “you’re not trans you’re just autistic and confused” which would be a double punch for me.

but i’ve started realizing thinking that way as a kid, before i knew any words to describe myself other than “weird”, was me knowing i just thought everyone also felt like that. and i have that issue often. that i just assume everyone sees the same thing as me, and then thinking we all process that information the same because i just think that’s how brains work.

what makes me sad is you can’t even be “odd” anymore. if people just saw me as some really weird off the deep end “girl” still i wouldn’t really care. i really try not to care what others perceive me as in terms of gender because to me it’s “not their business”. but even just having really weird or unique clothes at this point can get you clocked or treated weird. and i mean this to point out how awful it is that if you just dress kind of “weird” there is a larger chance of you being hurt or turned away or ostracized.

now when you dress “odd” you immediately have an agenda. you have some sick disease or people roll your eyes when you’re around. and i’ve never understood this hateful lens of obsession people have with clothes. i love clothes i definitely have a clothes obsession but they have always been some form of a costume to me. because that’s what they are. you dress up how you’d like to look like in them. so if i have the ability to dress how i desire why wouldn’t i? and if i was a “girl” you would still look at me funny. if i was a “guy” you definitely would. and because i lie inbetween ill never be taken seriously and ill always have this large neon sign above my head that flashes “NONBINARY” which people hate. people get so mad.

over the years i’ve tried to become “tougher” through saying i’m more “reasonable” than other nonbinary people. i just wear t shirt and jeans and im just like you! im more masculine and im nonbinary but i will only use he him! but oh my god it’s wearing down on my soul. it’s grating. and i’m so upset that i made myself do this. for myself for others and im mad that it’s something i felt like i had to perpetuate to be “taken seriously”. being a person is the most unserious thing in the world.

i’m so tired of “gender roles” and i have been since i was 12 and saw others sharing this sentiment and im tired because its confusing. it doesn’t make sense even historically. when boys wore pink because its closer to red. but suddenly now it’s some omen that an “agenda got you”. i have never understood any of this so i’ve never participated but by doing that i was punished. and when i participated i was hurt worse. there’s no point in playing this made up game so why should i have to care im sorry i really don’t. i dont at all.

i’m not trying to make a big point or anything. i mean this as when i was a kid i had absolutely no concept of gender. and when i tried to it hurt me awfully bad. my parents themselves were not that strict with gender roles besides telling me what the world would expect but i could always do “boy” and “girl” things. i mean this as when i was a child i genuinely thought i was a boy because i would sex myself by counting my ribs to make sure i had 13 (…) and i “always did” (i was like 7 lol). i had no concept because lionesses do all the work and big blue peacocks are male. this shit is all stupid and it never made sense to me since i was a kid. and i don’t think it will ever be “because” of anything. people will always try to put a cause but i felt like this when my life was perfect and happy when i was 6 years old and i had no hardships. it felt like this when it got harder it felt like this when it got worse it feels like this now. there’s no point to this.

this is very very long but i have been nonstop thinking about it. i have always felt stuck in my gender identity because of the rules put on this stuff and im sooooo so so tired about it. i feel like ive come out 5000 times because i dont know what im supposed to be. i’ve tried hard to find labels and do them right over and over but god. and it’s not that i don’t identify or feel connected to being queer, i very much do, but to me (and especially at this point) i don’t feel connected to being the “alternative” because it doesn’t make any sense. but being queer and especially trans you get painted as the undesirable alternative. you become “what happens sometimes” and then they’ll try to explain it. give it reason. their parents weren’t the best. they have a gene or a mental disorder or illness. they’re autistic and confused. they have identity issues. they’ll grow out of it. but i’m soooo tired of having to have an explanation. oh my god. because no one else does and when you point it out they get mad and turn it on you.

i don’t really have a nice way to wrap this up. and this is not the 5001 coming out post. i’ve known i’m gender fluid for the past 2ish years. i know what i am. i’m queer. as in odd as in gay as in “alternative” as in shapeless as in confusing. i know who exactly i am by being an ever changing thing but that’s seen as being unstable and lost in yourself instead of curious or intrigued by others explorations. i am just sick of having to explain myself to cis people and having to be seen as a “good example” in every facet of my life, related and unrelated to this.

[ophelia-writes-poems]

I saw a post with bugs A little rolly polly I thought of you instantly But you don't want to hear from me

I want to send it to you 3 days ago i would've But things have changed I've changed them

I wish I could explain myself I wish i could lay it all out Walk you through my mental state And my thought patterns

But you need space And distance And to push you more Would drive you further away

I could blame it all on Sage I wouldn't even be wrong to If you really look at it It is their fault

It is his fault But i'm not angry I hold some fault too I still did it

I am a coward I said i was unsure But it told me it would all work out And I believed them

I wish I hadn't done that I wish I had been an adult I wish I wasn't so afraid Of rejection

It's funny, isn't it? How we got here I was so scared a being pushed away I made you hate me

I was so worried that you would never love me Near as much as I loved you And lookie here Now you hate me

And I deserve it I deserve it all I should've just talked through it I want to go back

But I can't I pray to G-d for forgiveness Knowing damn well he cannot give it I have done nothing to him

And yet what else I can do? I sit and cry And I pray And I walk

I try to shut the thoughts away But my overactive brain Cannot focus on anything else Even If i wanted it to

I can't eat I can't sleep I can hardly breathe My guilt is overwhelming

That's just all isn't it? Guilt? How can such a small word Hold such a strong emotion

You say you cannot feel regret I am not like you I regret everything all the time Even the day I was born

Yes I regret deeply I feel nothing but guilt My emotions are overwhelming I just want them to stop

But they can't And they won't Until either I no longer care for you Or you decide I can be forgiven

Can I be forgiven? Do I deserve it? Of course not I always want things I cannot have

And yet I pray I pray so much G-d must be annoyed But what else am I to do? Where else can I seek comfort

I believe he blessed me today He gave me a chance for labor And so despite how difficult it was I found joy

No, not joy I found relief In the company of weeds And strangers

I wish they would meet again Tomorrow or the day after But It'll be two weeks Before I can meet them again

I will mow the lawn today Or maybe tomorrow And I hope that my mind will not wonder It's way over to you

Who am I kidding? Myself? The dear reader? My mind cannot go anywhere else No matter how I beg

And yet I hope I don't even realize usually That i'm thinking of you at all It's so natural

My understanding of tone is limited I have my brain to blame for that But the tone I find in your words Is hateful and mean

And I deserve that I've hurt you terribly I wish your words weren't for me I wish I was an observer

Please G-d let them forgive me Let me learn and grow and thrive Please don't let them become a lesson Give me a second chance

Let this become a funny story That we tell to new friends Let it be silly lore That we can choose to drop

G-d give them understanding Give them kindness And direct them to give it to me Even though I didn't deserve this

I have no moral authority But if i were them this would be a test Could I maintain my beliefs? Could I practice what I preach?

I believe I could I can't tell how bad this infraction is I have no sense of scale Is this denial?

But it doesn't seem that bad really I've forgiven people for worse And so haven't you? But maybe we all deserve better

If this had happened to __ How would I feel? Objectivity I believe Will prove helpful here

Take myself out of it Place someone else in my shoes Is this crime forgivable? Even in my own mind?

I cannot switch our roles I cannot run a simulation Where this situation occurs If I do

If I were __ in that situation My words would've been kinder My experience shines through here What can I possibly do?

Okay new situation _____ is telling me about This situation her friend is in What do I think?

Her friend was feeling uncared for And one of her friends got real dramatic with it He left the groupchat with no warning And everyone dropped everything

_____'s friend watched her friends Skert their hangout to a complete hault To comfort their friend During his moment of need

______'s friend was feeling uncared for Her brain was being mean to her She cannot ask for reassurance Because she'll be sure it's fake

So she has an idea "What if i go crazy And leave the groupchat?" She thinks

She talks herself out of it She should communicate her feelings But her dearest brother Convinced her otherwise

She knew she was in a bad mental state So she defaulted to him And he said it would work out So it must be true

And she took his advice And defaulted to his judgement All the way through To the other side

She realized half way through she fucked up She apologized the same night Her friends were red hot angry And did not respond

One eventually did Saying they all need space That she needed to be gentle with herself But his tone was mean

That sounds forgivable I think Right? Am I deluding myself? I sure hope not

I am going to choose to believe That they're only so angry Because they're filtering all this through The lens of their traumas

Anybody else Wouldn't be so upset But other people Haven't been abused

I can be forgiven And If I'm not i'm sure I'll be okay I have people who care about me Other than them

G-d thank you for poetry Thank you for the gift of words Thank you for reasoning And thank you for understanding