#I saw his design a few years ago and mhm I knew he would steal my heart if I consume any amount of content of him. well guess what happened

[creepypso]

It's been a while since a hyperfixation gripped me this bad- I've been obsessed for a while now and yeah Vox is holding me hostage pff

I had drawn this picture like two months ago and it had been the first (and definitively not last..I'm so sorry) time drawing the boy <33

_ And because I'm seeing way too many people steal art in this fandom: I do not give you my consent to repost my drawings, without asking me first

[gucciwins]

an ex brings stories and mistrust

Word count: 3440

A/N: you asked for angst for some reason so here it is. i am so happy to know you still love bel and harry as much as i do. 🤍

Warnings: angst, jealousy, ex-boyfriend

read love on tour series 

“I’m going out tonight,” you tell Harry as you steal a sip of his coffee. You love the smell but can never find yourself enjoying a full cup.

“Done being a homebody,” he teases.

You roll your eyes; after being home in London for a few days, you’ve been enjoying staying in your house but also at Harry’s. It was larger than yours, yet it felt cozy because he was here.

“Haha, a few friends are in the city and want to grab dinner, maybe karaoke,” you share, “what we do after is still up in the air.”

“You can always sing one of mine,” as he takes a blueberry out of her hand.

“Mhm…too bad I already have my song.”

“It’s a classic. You sing ‘you’re so vain’ perfectly every time. Always leaves me in awe.”

You feel your face warm up at his compliments. There had been a lot of begging for him to get you to sing in front of his friends one night. It helped. Most of them were a few tequila shots in. Although it is something Mitch brings every time you see him suggesting new songs, you should try to karaoke for them.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, H.”

Harry frowns, wanting to spend more time with you this morning, but he knows you have a fitting for a red carpet. You’re working with an upcoming designer Sarai told you about,  a Hispanic designer with beautiful looks incorporating designs from their culture. You just had to work with them; of course, they were happy to agree.

“Send me photos, please,” he mutters against your lips.

“Promise.”

You go to pull away, but Harry holds your waist, deepening the kiss wanting to give you something that would hopefully want to make you stay home, although he knew it was a losing battle. You pull away breathless, a smile breaking out as you see Harry’s puffy pink lips.

“I love you, H.”

“Te amo, Bel.”

_____

There was no studio today, and Harry decided to use the day to catch up on reading a few books Bel had recommended he got two chapters in when he was inspired to grab his journal to write these lyrics before they escaped him. Harry wasn’t sure how much time had passed when he felt his phone ring, he dropped his pen thinking it was Bel but to his surprise saw it was Naomi, your best friend.

“Hi Naomi,” he greets.

“Hiya H, where’s our girl? She’s ignoring my calls,” Naomi asks, straight to the point.

“She had a fitting and was going out tonight.”

“Did she? Say with who?”

“Oh, friends in the city. Don’t think she gave me any names.”

Harry peeked at the time on his phone and saw it was close to six pm. The day honestly had gotten away from him. He would need to cook himself dinner.

“Heard Dylan was in the city.” Harry frowns, hearing Sarai whisper to Naomi.

“Who?”

“Dylan O'Brien,” Naomi tells him, “a good friend.”

“Who’s still in love with her,” Sarai inputs.

Harry hears Naomi shush Sarai,” sorry they’ve been drinking.”

“Why would Dylan be in love with Bel?” Harry had never been more confused. He knew you saw Dylan as a good friend; you would go as far as saying he was one of your closest friends in the industry.

Naomi sighed, knowing they messed up.

“It’s not–shit. H, you have to understand this was years ago.”

“What was?”

“Dylan and Bel dated,” she confesses.

And Harry feels his heart drop.

How did he not know this? How could you not share this information with him?

“Listen, it was after their first film together. It was never made public and is something she really doesn’t share. She broke up with Dylan because he was ready to get serious and take it to the next step, and she felt she wasn’t there. He was heartbroken after, but he was always supporting her.”

“He didn’t want to break up, did he?”

Naomi sighed, “no, he fought her on it, but she was set on her decision.”

“Did she love him?”

Silence.

“Naomi, please!”

“Of course she did. But it’s different, H. You have to believe me. She loves you. I’ve never seen her this happy or in love, and I’ve known her all her life. You make her shine. She’s one hundred percent herself when she’s with you.”

Naomi sharing this brings him a bit of comfort, but he’s left with the question of why you hadn’t told him Dylan was an ex. He was sure there were no secrets between each other, but now he wasn’t so sure. Harry shared about his past heartbreaks and his hand in breaking hearts. You had shared little, telling him that you had two serious relationships that were not worth talking about because you had all wanted something different.

“I don’t get why she wouldn’t tell me.”

“She doesn’t dwindle in the past. Think she’s lived there long enough.”

Harry sighs because he understands, in a way, he doesn’t know what it is like to be alone for years or not to have a loved one to seek out for comfort to share childhood memories with, but he has been faced with loss and knows how hard it can be. He does not understand why she’d keep her relationship with Dylan a secret. It’s as if there was something more she wasn’t telling him.

“I’m going to ask her about it,” Harry tells Naomi.

He hears her sigh, “I’d be surprised if you didn’t.”

“Bye, Naomi.”

“Harry, please be kind. I know this isn’t the easiest way to find something out, but don’t react when you’re speaking with her,”

He sighs, knowing she’s right. Harry doesn’t know what would have happened if he found out through you, but for now, he had to feel his emotions, and he’d talk about this news when you came home to him tonight.

“Of course.”

The phone drops against the cushion on his couch. There’s too much on his mind for him to rest in peace. Harry decides to meditate as the best way to work through his clouded mind. It works for some time until he feels the urge to check his phone, so he leans across where he let it fall, his eyes bugging out to see how late it had turned and you had yet to turn up. He didn’t mean to bother you when you were out, but he was concerned because, for the past few days, you’ve been coming home to him.

He sighs in relief when he hears your cheery voice after the second ring.

“Hi baby,” he breathes out. “Are you coming back here tonight?”

You sigh, coming out low. “Sorry, H. We came back to my place with some friends. You’re welcome to come,” you offer, feeling bad about making him wait for you when you could have texted him earlier in the evening.

“Hurry back. We’re going to lose,” Harry hears Dylan call for you.

Harry tenses, forgetting that you had even asked him a question. “H?”

“No, uh, early morning tomorrow,” he lies.

“Lunch tomorrow, then?” You counter. “Vinny’s?”

“I’ll be at our table,” he promises.

Harry heads to bed with a heavy heart but is thankful he will see you tomorrow.

____

He had arrived early, wanting to have your food ready for when you arrived. You always loved eating the same meal here, the ravioli with butternut squash filling. It was good, and Harry always ended up stealing a bit or two from you when you claimed he needed to try it.

As he waited for you, he was trying to decide how to approach the topic or wondered if Naomi had already sent her a warning. A few minutes later, a large commotion in front of the restaurant caught his attention. There are people gathered around, and he catches a glimpse of your face making him quick to leave his seat and go help you with the crowd. To his surprise, Dylan helped part the crowd and guided you inside with a hand on the small of your back. The group stayed outside as Harry watched you turn to hug Dylan in gratitude. You stood there speaking with him before Dylan shook his head, leaning in to give you a kiss on your cheek. Harry was confused. You showed up with him, and even more that you managed to catch the attention of a crowd.

“Hey,” you greet him with a breathless grin.

“You alright?” He checks in.

“Saw that,” you breathe out. “It was fine. Dylan was there to help.”

Harry hums in response, trying to think what he wants to say.

“Did you order?”

“Should be here in a few minutes.”

You drop the menu, flashing him a huge smile. “You’re an angel, H.”

He sits silently, letting you start to tell him about your day when he interrupts your story about Sally burning pancakes last night. “Why did you show up with Dylan?”

You frown, leaning back a bit as he surprised you with the sudden question. “He stayed the night, and I had let Emerson borrow my car for the day, and I had forgotten, and he offered.”

“You stayed with him alone!” Harry exclaims.

“No, Sally, Nina, Saoirse, Tom, and even Sarah stopped by last night for game night.”

Harry huffs, “you could have called me.”

You grimace, “he was heading this way, and you had a meeting this morning.”

“And the paparazzi just so happened to know you were headed here.”

You frown, not liking what he was insinuating. “H, what are you saying?”

He shrugs, taking a drink of his water.

“Do you think Dylan called the paparazzi?” You sound surprised he’d accuse your friend of this.

“We’ve eaten here how many times?” He reminds you, not once have you had a run-in with paparazzi. “Funny he offers you a ride, and you’re conveniently papped together.”

You sit back in your seat, not sure what he meant. He’s been papped out from time to time, sometimes with you and sometimes when he’s out with other friends. There’s this world you live in, and how easy it is to get lost in your own world behind closed doors. Forgetting that others around you will do anything to get a glimpse inside.

“Harry, come on.”

He shakes his head, “forget it.”

After that, lunch is tense, little to no conversation is had, no matter how much you try. He checks his phone more often, making you fall silent. It’s the quietest meal you’ve had, and it makes you upset not knowing what you did wrong. Harry finished his meal before you but didn’t rush you. Not feeling comfortable continuing to eat, you decide you’re finished placing your napkin on top and offering him a small smile. He asks for the check, and soon you’re off, following Harry to his car, wondering if he’s going to take you home or back to his place.

You don’t dare ask.

It’s not until he takes a left turn instead of a right do you sit back in relief, knowing he still wants you around. Even if it is only to sit in silence.

He parks the car. You sit there together in silence, not sure where you stand. You reach out to squeeze his hand to comfort you and let out a breath of relief when he lets you.

“Come on, I’ll make us some tea.”

You’re not sure what conversation awaits you inside, but it’s Harry, and you know together, you can work through anything.

______

Harry is quiet as he lets the kettle warm up. You set your bag on the couch before following after him. You can see he’s tense as he grabs two mugs from the cabinets.

“Need any help?” You offer itching to do something.

“I got it.”

You sit there waiting patiently because you know Harry will bring it up soon. He can only hold something in for so long before he pops, and you know you won’t have to wait long.

Harry pours a cup of chamomile tea into a floral mug you painted when you did a ceramics class together during the holidays. It was his favorite, which is why it resided in his home and not yours.

“I know,” he whispers, breaking the silence you were in.

You stare at him, confused, unsure of what he is referring to. He knows what?

“Sorry, H? I don't know what you mean.”

Harry pushes away his mug before turning to look at you. His eyes look lost and hurt, and you want to fix that; you’re just not sure you know how to.

His frown deepens, “I know—I know about him.”

Harry says him with so much distaste that you’re not sure what he’s referring to. “H,”

“Dylan—that you dated Dylan,” he breathes out, and your face falls in surprise. Harry takes in your reaction and knows Naomi wasn’t lying that you dated Dylan and didn’t bother to tell Harry he was an ex, only claiming he was a close friend.

“Harry,” you whisper, hoping he’ll let you explain.

“You told me he was a friend.”

“He is.”

Harry scoffs, “you can’t be friends with your ex, not when they’re still in love with you.”

You can’t believe he would say throw that in your face when he’s notorious for being friendly with his exes and having them out for shows. Instead of arguing, you allow yourself to take a deep breath and remain seated, hoping he’ll let you explain.

“Can I tell you about this past relationship, so you’re not only running on what you’ve heard?”

“Are you insinuating your friends are lying?” He bites back.

Naomi and Sarai are the only ones that know, besides a few close friends of his. You’re not upset with them. It must have been an accident. You don’t even want to know, but you want to talk this out with Harry.

“Dylan worked on my first movie with me, and I was so scared. He was nice and had a few movies and shows under his belt already. Our chemistry read had gone well, and it’s how I booked the role, but he was my friend first. Nothing happened during filming. I would have never allowed for that to happen on my first Hollywood movie.” You pause because you hadn’t thought back to that time in years when you were full of nerves and not sure how people would accept you as a lead, especially next to an already well-loved actor with a growing fan base by the day. Dylan was a friend, and it wasn’t until after filming wrapped did he ask you on a date. It was complicated, but Harry deserved the truth.

“We wrapped and went our separate ways. He called to check in, and we got to talking. He asked me on a date, and I accepted. He understood how I didn’t want this to be on every magazine when I was growing my name, and he was the star of Teen Wolf. It would have labeled me his girlfriend before I could make a name for myself.” You watch Harry. No emotions cross his face as he listens to you. “We dated close to a year when he wanted to go public and be my date to red carpets. I liked what we had; it was intimate and private, no need to give ourselves away to the public. It’s when we stopped seeing eye to eye. By the time our movie was set to release, we had broken up. Press interviews were hard, but we made it through. Dylan promised he’d be my friend, and he has been.”

Harry stares at you, and you have no idea what he’s thinking. You know you made a mistake by never sharing about Dylan or your other ex, but it’s trivial. The exes in your life didn’t define you and felt pointless to talk about when your last relationship was years before Harry.

“You broke his heart?” Is the first thing Harry asks.

You shrug, “we wanted different things. We were both so young.”

“Did anything ever happen after you broke up?” You freeze, and Harry picks up on your hesitation. “What happened?”

“He was going through a breakup, and I was in New York at the time. I reached out and offered my support. We ordered takeout and talked about how he was doing. One thing led to another,” you run a hand through your hair, feeling overwhelmed. “We agreed it meant nothing.”

Harry couldn’t believe how deep your relationship ran with him. How, even years later, you sought each other out. There’s one question that plagues his mind. “Did he know your family?”

You frown, of course he did, and the confirmation you know will hurt Harry in a way you never wanted. “He met them when I brought my grandparents to tour set on the first film.”

Harry’s face crumbles right in front of you. “He has a part of you I’ll never have,” Harry confesses.

You feel a bit of your heartbreak because you know your family would have loved Harry. Your Abuelo would have dragged him into the kitchen to help, and your Abuela would have taught him all her favorite songs until he could play them back for her.

“I know, I know. You think I don’t know that.” You don’t want to cry. You can’t. “You think I don’t think about it constantly how my family would have loved you, and I never got the chance to introduce them to you. I won’t get to introduce them to anyone important to me, and it kills me, Harry. That’s a pain I carry every day.”

There’s a crack in Harry’s anger, and you know he wants to reach out to hug you, but he stops himself. There’s so much left to say; instead, he lets his anger control him.

“You’ve called him in front of me!” He accuses thinking of the time during tour you sat and congratulated him on his recent film.

“He’s a friend. That’s all he has been for years.” You’re going in circles. It’s like Harry won’t hear a word you’re saying.

Harry scoffs, “not when you’re both single, it seems.”

You shake your head, “you don’t get to be mad about this. It was all before you!”

“Who’s to say he won’t come running when you break my heart, and you’re searching for comfort,” he throws at you knowing the words would hurt, and they do, making cracks in your heart that had never been there before.

“I don’t want to break your heart, Harry,” you soften your voice, pleading for him to listen to you. “I love you. You’re it for me.”

“Then why did you keep him a secret!” Harry screams. “If you loved me, you would have told me. I thought I knew everything about you.” He shakes his head, no longer able to look at you. “It’s clear you don’t trust me.”

“But I do,” your voice cracks as you fail to contain your tears.

“You don’t not as much as I thought you did. I told you about my exes and how I hurt them but also how they hurt me. You know how hard that conversation was for me.” Harry’s eyes are stormy. It’s a look you don’t recognize, and you know you put that dark look there. “I want to be alone.”

“H,” your voice wobbles.

“You need to leave. I want to be alone.”

Instantly you feel your walls rise. You’ve been in this situation before.

“Harry, if you tell me to leave, I won’t be coming back. We’ve had a similar conversation just like this.”

You see Harry freeze taking in your words. “I love you, Bel. I do,” his voice breaks. “I don’t want you to leave me, but I want to be alone. You hurt me, I know you didn’t mean to, but I need this time to process.”

You sigh, backing down. There’s no use in fighting. You walk out, taking out the key that rested next to your shark charm on your key set and placing it next to the empty pink vase missing the flowers you were supposed to pick together tomorrow at the farmer’s market. “Don’t think I deserve this or have your trust to keep it.”

And with that, you walk out the door, leaving your heart with him.

You hadn’t lost him, but it felt like you had.

don't worry there will be a part two...but i'll let you sit with this for now

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[atlafan]

Take it Slow - Part Sixty-Three

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry.

Warnings: TW. - THE R-WORD IS USED IN THIS PART! Fluff and Smut.

Masterpost (all previous parts can be found in the masterpost)

Sunday morning Harry got up to start editing the photos. He dug up an old album he never used so he could place them in there for you once they were printed. He wanted you to sleep so he could get everything done. The photos were incredible. He thought you looked stunning. He edited them so they were all black and white and touched up some other things. He started printing them when he heard you walking around downstairs.

“Harry?” You call for him sleepily.

“Up here babe, be down in a minute!”

Once the pictures are dry enough he fills up the album. He sees you curl up on the couch with a cup of coffee. He comes down and plops right next to you.

“They’re all done. Wanna see?”

“How early did you get up to do this?”

“Early…I was too excited.” He chuckles.

“Okay, lemme see.”

You lean into him and he opens the album. You mouth falls open when you look at the pictures. He did an amazing job.

“You’re so talented Harry, I actually like the way I look!”

“That’s all you, babe, you’re gorgeous.” You kiss him on the cheek.

“Oh my god!” You gasp at the ones of you touching yourself. “I’m not awake enough for this.” You laugh. “I’m gonna go put this away in my closet, okay? It’ll be easy for you to find while I’m away. Thank you so much for doing this for me.”

“Anytime.”

//

Your week with Mark was easier. He kept his distance as much as he could.

“So, you have a half day today?” He asks you Friday morning. He couldn’t help but look at your butt in your jeans.

“Yup, I have to pack and then my mom is spending the night with us so we can get to the airport easier tomorrow.” You pull some sheets of paper from a file folder. “Here’s what I’ll need you to work on next week while I’m gone. Niall has a copy too and he will be checking in.”

“I don’t need to be babysat. What do I do if I finish all this?”

“Go see Niall, he’ll have work for you.”

“Do you ever have fun here, like ever?”

“I have fun all the time, with Niall, because he’s my friend. You, Mark, are not my friend.”

“Yeah, you’ve made that plenty clear.” He huffs.

“Good, that was my intention.” You give him a fake smile.

“You could try to warm up to me, I’m not a bad guy. We’re going to be working together for a while longer.” You scoff at him.

“You burned your bridge with me a long time ago.”

“Are you sure that’s it? Or are you afraid your boyfriend will get jealous?”

“Harry? Jealous of you?” You start laughing. “What’s there to be jealous of?”

“A stable job, an actual future…”

“His job is very stable, he gets paid well, and-“

“Doesn’t he have to freelance?”

“He freelances because he loves what he does and he likes making people happy. He’s insanely talented.”

“Why not open his own studio then?”

“He will, it’s just not the right time, and…you know what? I don’t have to explain a thing to you.” You shake your head at him. “I’m leaving now, see you when I get back.” He follows you out of your office and you lock it. “You are not to go in here while I’m gone, understand?”

“Mhm.”

You say goodbye to Niall with a big hug and head out the door to your place. You had a lot of packing to do. Harry came home from work early so he could spend some time with you before your mom got there.

“Ah! Son of a bitch!” He hears you yelp and he runs into the bedroom.

“Y/N?!” He stops short when he sees you clutching at your stomach.

“Hi, sorry, I just can’t get my piercing out for some reason. It’s a little tender from the last time I changed it.” You groan. “Fuck it, I’m leaving it in. They won’t see it anyways.”

He comes over to the bed and picks up a couple of your swim suits.

“These are cute.” He holds them up to his body and makes a modeling pose.

“Give me that!” You giggle and snatch it from him.

“Do yeh need help with anythin’?”

“No these were the last few things.” You close the lid on your suitcase. “Actually, could you bring that down to your car for me?”

“You got it.” He kisses the top of your head and grabs the bag.

When he comes back up you both eat a quick dinner and he takes you into the bedroom.

“She’ll be here soon…”

“Let me just love on you for a little while.” He nuzzles into your neck. You can’t resist him when he’s like this.

He makes love to you…twice. You force yourselves out of bed when your mom texts you that she’s downstairs. You both go down to greet her and Harry takes her larger bag down to the car.

“It looks amazing in here! You both have done such an incredible job decorating.”

“Thanks mumma. The guest room is all made up for you.”

“Perfect, well, I think I’ll head to bed now since we have to be up so early, night kids.”

“Night!” You give her a hug and kiss and off she goes. You look at Harry. “We should go to bed too. We have to get up at like four.”

“Sounds good.”

He cuddles you all night, and you wouldn’t have had it either way. The three of you were quiet it in the car the next morning. It was far too early to speak. Harry takes the bags out of the car for the both of you. Your mom goes into the airport to give you both some privacy to say goodbye.

You wrap your arms around each other and you feel wetness from his tears on your neck.

“It’s only a week, seven sleeps. I’m back next Saturday night.” You say into his ear.

“I know, I’m just gonna miss my sweet baby girl so much.” He pulls back to look at you. You wipe his tears with your thumbs.

“And I’ll miss my doll. Just look at the pictures when you miss me. I’m not going to have a lot of access to the internet. Only at the timeshare really.”

“So I don’t need to be a good boy?” He smirks. You smile at him and shake your head.

“No, I won’t torture you.” You sigh. “Kiss me, I need to head inside.”

He kisses you, boy does he kiss you. Your head is spinning when he lets go of you.

“I love you so much, as soon as I have WiFi I’ll text you, okay?”

“I love you too, have a safe flight.”

He watches you walk in, and then he gets back into the car. This was going to be the longest week of his life.

//

You texted Harry as you could like you said, and you told him you were planning to unplug for a bit, other than posting a few pictures to your Instagram story. He took a nap when he got home, and woke up a few hours later. Him and Niall decided to grab a bite to eat together at their favorite diner.

“Sarah and I are goin’ out for our six month tonight, otherwise I’d invite you out for drinks tonight.”

“No worries, mate. What are the two of yeh plannin’ on doin’?”

“Takin’ her out for a nice dinner. She said she had a big surprise for me tonight and that she didn’t wanna be out too late.” He shrugs.

“Did you get anythin’ f’her?”

“Yeah, I bought her a new anklet, she loves wearin’ ‘em.”

“Oh, I bet she’ll love that. She stays at your place a lot, yeah?”

“Yeah, almost every night now.”

“Think you’ll ask her to move in soon?”

“I don’t know if she wants to leave Rachel just yet. Although, word on the street is that Mariah’s been stayin’ over quite a bit at their place.”

“They’re a match made. I might hang out with them durin’ the week. I’ve been thinkin’ more about my freelance work lately. I think if I were to ever go for it full time I’d ask Mariah to come with me. She could work with clients I didn’t have time more, plus, I genuinely trust her. Then, once we made a lot of money, I’d steal Isaac too. He’s the best receptionist.”

“You’ve clearly thought this through.”

“Here and there. I just enjoy working with people a lot more. It doesn’t even feel like work. And it would be nice to have my own schedule. Guess I could just get state insurance…”

“Or you could marry Y/N and just go on her insurance.” Niall jokes.

“Plannin’ on it, mate.” Niall nearly chokes on his food.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m not sayin’ it’ll be tomorrow, but I think once she and I have been together for a year I’m gonna propose. We’re at eight months now.”

“Do yeh have a ring yet?”

“I have one in mind, yeah. There’s a jewelry store in London that I like. Saw what style of ring she likes. I’ve called the jeweler a couple of times. They have a site so I can essentially design it myself. I could pick it up this summer when I go home.”

“Harry…I…I��m so happy for you. I’ve never seen you like this with someone before. She’s really the one, huh?”

“She really is. I can’t explain it...I think I knew before I took her to meet my family that I wanted her forever, but that trip solidified how I felt. And I know she feels the same way. We’ve talked about it.”

“That’s great. I can’t picture her endin’ up with anyone else.” He smiles. “Not to change the subject, but I was thinkin’ you and I could go out for a boys night on Thursday.”

“Yeah! I’d like that. Been a while since just the two of us went for a drink.”

//

By Sunday night, Harry was already missing you too much and he decided to get the photo album out of your closet. A few glances couldn’t hurt. You had posted a few things to your story. He couldn’t wait to see your sun kissed skin when you got back.

As he was rummaging through the top shelf of your closet, he lost his balance and pulled down a box, and the contents spilled out.

“Shit.” He recognized the box…it was your special box that you used to keep under the bed. There were some new items still in a bag. He pick it up and his eyes widen. “What the…” He takes the cockring out and is genuinely shocked. “Was she plannin’ t’use this on me?” Then he grabs the box the butt plug was in. “Holy shit!” He smirks. “Does she wanna use this on me too? No fuckin’ way she wants this up her ass…”

Normally Harry would tease you about these things, but he figured you hid them for a reason. So he puts everything back and finds the photo album. He gets on the bed and does his pants while he looks at the pictures of you. Just as he was about to play with himself, his phone rang, and it was you.

“Hey baby!” Your voice was music to his ears.

“Hey! How’s vacation?”

“So good, I just came inside to grab some water so I thought I’d call quick.”

“Well, thanks for thinkin’ of me. How’s your Nan?”

“She’s great! She’s really happy my mom and I are here. We’re gonna go to a casino tomorrow, I’m excited. And Tuesday night is the night we’re gonna go dancing. I’ll have to send you some pictures.”

“Please do! I was lookin’ at some right now actually.” You blush.

“Harry!”

“What? You told me I could.”

“I guess that’s true…were you, um, you know?”

“Was about to...wanna help me along?”

“Hold on, let me go into the bathroom in case anyone comes in.”

He half expected you to say no. He hears you flip the bathroom fan on.

“Where is everyone else?”

“There’s a bonfire tonight.”

“Ah.”

“So…where were you?”

“Hadn’t event taken my pants off yet.” He chuckles.

“Okay, take them off then.” You were hushing your voice which was only turning him on more.

Harry adjusts his cock out of his pants and grips it.

“Rub the tip with your thumb like how I do, baby.”

He closes his eyes and just does as you say as you’re saying it. His top rubs over his thumb and he spreads the precome up his shaft.

“Now, I want you to-“ You go silent for a moment.

“Babe?”

“I’ll just be a minute, Nannie!”

And just like that his dick went limp at the thought of your grandmother.

“I’m so sorry, she knocked on the door, um, I-“

“It’s fine, I, uh, lost it.” You both giggle.

“I’ll try to call tomorrow, I gotta go. Apparently someone’s grilling and making drinks, so I need to get back out there.”

“Okay, have fun. Love you.”

“Love you too!!”

//

You did your best to send Harry pictures of your different tropical outfits. You did well to hide your naval piercing from your mom and grandmother. Thank god for high waisted shorts and pants. Your skin was getting more tan as each day passed. One more you all decide to take a trip downtown before going to the pool for the day. You only went to the beach at night due to how strong the sun was.

There was a jewelry store your Nannie loved going to. Your Papa would take her to it all the time, and you remember going when you were a senior in high school. He bought you the most beautiful bracelet for being the best baby in the world.

The three of you looked around. Not being someone who loved to wear jewelry, you were mostly looking for something to buy for Harry.

“Honey, can I ask, why don’t you just that ring resized?” Nannie asks.

“Harry bought me this chain so I could wear it like this. It looks more like a slide than a ring anyways. We both like it like this.”

“Alright.”

You had already gotten him the pearls, and lord knows he doesn’t need anymore necklaces or rings. What the fuck could you get him that he didn’t already have? As you continue to walk by everything, a particular ring catches your eye. It’s white gold and has a sunflower on it. If you were going to wear his rose, maybe he could wear your sunflower? Although, he already wore one on his skin every day for you. But something about the detail in the ring just made sense.

“Excuse me, I’d like to look at this one.” You say to the jeweler. He takes it out for you and you know you have to get for Harry. You give the jeweler his ring size and he tells you to come back the next day and it’ll be ready.

Your mom buys you a pair of studs for years and you put them in right away. The ones Harry had gotten for you months ago sat in your first holes, and the ones your mom just got you would sit in your doubles. They complemented each other perfectly.

//

Thursday night Harry went with Niall to a bar they hadn’t been to in a while. They were both excited to have a guy’s night.

“So, I never asked, how was the anniversary evening?” Niall’s face went red immediately. “What was her big surprise? Did she like the anklet?”

“She loved the anklet, yeah.” He takes a sip of his drink. “She bought me…some things.”

“What kinds of things?”

“Um…”

“Niall, I have fucked two separate women with you, I think you can tell me what Sarah bought you.”

“Okay, okay. She bought a cockring from some sex shop.” Harry nearly spat out his drink.

“They both them together?!”

“What?!”

“I found one in Y/N’s closet the other day. Still the packaging and everything, but still. So Sarah used it on you?”

“Well, yeah.” Harry smirks at his friend.

“How’d you like it?”

“It was…interesting. I use her vibrator on her all the time so she said she wanted to do the same to me or somethin’ like that. It was sorta nice for the both of us, but it was a lot to leave on for a while.”

“She actually lets you use it on her? Y/N said she’d feel weird, that’s why I was shocked when I found the other things she bought.”

“Things? What else was there?” Harry’s face heats up.

“There was, um, a butt plug.” He says quietly. Niall starts laughing.

“Think she wants to fuck your shit up a bit.”

“How do you know she doesn’t want me to use it on her?”

“Because Sarah got one too and she wants to use it on me before she lets me get in her like that.”

“Did she use it on you?!”

“Not yet…I told her I’d have to think about it. I don’t know how worth it is.”

“You should humor her, mate, trust me, it’s worth it. So tight.”

“Alright, alright.” They both laugh. They hear a ton of commotion from behind them. “Think there’s a bachelor party happenin’.” Niall says.

“Looks like it, yeah.” Harry squints. “Lad looks familiar, doesn’t he?”

Niall turns fully around to look at where Harry’s looking. His eyes grow wide.

“Where have seen him before?” Harry says.

“Harry, we should pay our tab and go somewhere else.”

“Why?”

“Because…that’s Jake.” Harry’s mouth falls open and then his jaw tenses. “We can’t cause a scene. I can’t believe that girl he was skating with is still going to marry him. Probably lied right to her face.”

Harry would never forget watching you self implode at the ice rink. He wanted to bash Jake’s head in.

“We can’t start a fight with him, we need to go.”

Harry nods and gets up. The two go up to the bar to pay their tabs. A few of the guys from the bachelor party bump into them, one being Jake.

“Sorry about that, our boy’s getting married this weekend, he’s a little out of it.”

Harry and Niall look in their direction, but don’t say anything. They look the three up and down and put their attention back on the bar.

…

Everything else was a blur. Harry wasn’t sure when his fist connect with Jake’s jaw, or when Niall pulled him off of him after nearly choking him out. He wasn’t sure when Jake got a swing in, but he knew his nose was bruised. Not broke, but definitely bruised. They were all thrown out of the bar.

“I should press charges! You threw the first punch! How am I supposed to explain this to my fiancé?!” Jake’s friends were trying to pull him away from Harry and Niall, but it was no use.

“You should press charges?!” Harry started laughing. “You’ve done far worse things. If anyone deserves to be locked up it’s you!”

“I have no idea who you are or what you’re talking about….wait a second…you both were at the ice rink that night. My fiancé almost broke up with me!”

“Good.” Niall says.

“Who are the two of you? She kept asking me what I did, but I had no idea what to tell her.” Jake’s friends let go of him as he’s calmed a bit. Niall and Harry look at each other.

“You raped my girlfriend a year and half ago.” Harry says bluntly.

“Raped?! I’ve never done something like that. Your girlfriend’s crazy if she told you something like that.”

“I could easily snap your neck in half, I wouldn’t talk about her like that if I were you.”

“Do you recognize this girl?” Niall pulls a picture up of you on his phone. Jake squints at it. Everyone was still really drunk. He felt hazy, but he nodded.

“Went out with her a few times, yeah. But I didn’t rape her.”

“Yes you did.” Niall says. “You fucked her until she bled out on her sheets.”

“Didn’t you see it on you when you pulled out?”

“I just thought maybe it was her first time or something.”

“You’d fuck someone that hard when you thought it was their first time?” Harry asks exasperated.

“It’s not like she told me to stop, thought she was enjoying it.” He shrugs.

“She was too fuckin’ scared to tell you to stop! You didn’t even ask her if she wanted to.”

“That’s her word against mine.” He crosses his arms.

“She threw up after she saw you at the ice rink, I don’t think she was exaggerating.” Niall says. “She’s got the bag with the sheets you know. Probably has plenty of your DNA still on it. All she has to do is press charges and your ass is done. So you should be very scared. Any day at any time your entire world could come crumbling down.” Niall looks at Harry. “C’mon, let’s go.”

The two walk away, leaving Jake and his friends stunned. Niall gets Harry inside your apartment, and get some ice into a rag.

“Did he break it?” He asks, pressing it gently to his nose.

“No, but it’s gonna leave a bruise. Feel sorry for him, probably gonna have an indent of my rings in his jaw for a week.” Harry takes the ice from Niall, and winces when he presses it a little hard to himself. “Y/N is gonna be so mad. I can’t lie to her about this.”

“Look, at least you weren’t arrested. It could’ve been worse.”

“I can’t believe you threatened him like that.”

“He ruined her life! I want him to know she could just as easily ruin his. He should be grateful she hasn’t.”

“And for him to say he didn’t rape her? What a fuckin’ lunatic.”

“Think you’re gonna have some dark circles under your eyes, mate.”

“Shit.” He sighs. “I don’t even remember hittin’ him.”

“I think he bumped into you again and you lunched at him.” He starts laughing. “I don’t think I’ve seen you reach your boilin’ point like that in a very long time.”

“I should call her.”

“It’s late.”

“She might be up, I need to call her.”

“Put it on speaker, maybe she’ll take it easier on you if she knows I’m here.”

“Good idea.”

//

You were eating some ice cream on the couch watching a move with your mom and Nannie after spending some time at the Casino. You couldn’t wait to show Harry his ring. Your phone goes off, and you’re sort of shocked to see him calling so late. You get up and go into your grandmother’s bedroom to have some privacy.

“Harry? It’s late babe, are you alright? I’m in the middle of a movie, I can’t help you along tonight.” You hear Niall burst out laughing. “Am I on speaker?! Is this a drunk call?!”

“Sorry, sorry, yeah you’re on speaker.” He swats at Niall. “I’m okay, but somethin’ not so chill happened tonight…”

“Like what?”

“We were at a bar…” Niall starts. “And there was this bachelor party happenin’, and, um…”

“Jake was there.” You freeze and walk further into the bedroom and into the ensuite.

“So what happened?”

“Well, we got up to leave.” Niall says.

“But him and his friends kept bumpin’ into us at the bar, and I lost my cool.”

“What does that mean Harry?” Your eyes were starting to water.

“I don’t know how it all happened because it happened so fast, but I hit him, and then I choked him. Niall got me off him, but he got a swing at my face, punched me in the nose. The bouncer threw us all out. No one called the police…”

“Oh my god! Are, are you alright? Did he break your nose?”

“No, it’s just bruised, love.” He tries to say softly to calm you down.

“Harry, you can’t just go around hitting people! You could’ve been arrested!”

“I know, I know, I’m so sorry. It just happened.”

“What happened after you left the bar?”

“We…had some words.” Niall says.

“What kinds of words?”

“I threatened him…”

“He wouldn’t admit what he did to you was rape either.” You wince at the word and nearly vomit.

“You brought me up?! You both, you both are FUCKING IDIOTS! I, I don’t even know what to say right now.”

“We were comin’ from a good place-“

“Niall, I swear to god, just shut the fuck up.” You take a deep breath. “You both are so stupid! Were you all drunk too?”

“Yes.” They say in unison.

“Well that’s just great. Thanks so much for defending my honor. I’m so glad you called to tell me all of this at nearly one in the morning!”

“Would you rather I pick you and your mum up at the airport with a bruised nose with zero explanation?”

“What am I supposed to tell her?! You got into a bar fight? Yeah, that’ll go over really well. You better put some makeup or something over it.” There’s silence for a moment or two. “You both are alright?”

“Yes.” They say together again.

“Okay.” You sigh. “I’m going to get back to what I was doing, and try to calm down. I love you both, goodnight.”

Before they can say anything, you’ve hung up, and made your way back to the living area. Your mom and Nannie were looking at you with concern.

“Harry and Niall got into a fight with someone at a bar. They’re both fine, I can’t really get into it right now, so please don’t ask me about it.” You plop down next your mom, tears starting to burn your cheeks. She throws an arm around you and lets you cry into her. Your Nannie rubs your back to try to soothe you.

//

You soak up as much sun as you can the next couple of days. You were trying to keep your head clear. Mariah helped Harry buy and apply some makeup to make his bruises more subtle. He looked terrible, honestly.

“There.” She says, dabbing the last bit under his eyes. “Now you just look like you haven’t slept.” She smirks.

“Thanks.” He throws everything into a bag. “I hope I can remember how to do all this on my own tomorrow.”

“You said she told her mom right?”

“Yeah, but it looks so much worse than it is, I don’t want them to worry even more.”

“You’re lucky it didn’t break.”

“I know. I wish he would just move across the country or somethin’.”

“Yeah, but he’s not. You can’t just throw down every time you happen to bump into him.”

“Obviously.”

“Jesus, H, you look like shit.” Myk says walking into his office. “Are you wearing makeup?”

“This is why I usually work from home on Fridays.” He groans. “And yes I am, nothin’ wrong with a man wanting to cover some blemishes.”

“A blemish, or a bruise?” She squints at him. “What happened?” She actually looks concerned.

“I got into a little…scrap last night, okay?”

“Are you alright?”

“As if you care, Myk.”

“I do!” Her eyes soften. Mariah stands there awkwardly looking back and forth to the two of them.

“Well…I’m fine. Looks worse than it feels.”

“You should just go home for the rest of the day, I’m sure Chris won’t care.”

“I don’t need to go home, I’m fine.” He looks at the two of them. “Really, it’s all good. Shoulda seen the other guy.”

“Did you have your rings on when you hit him?” Mariah asks.

“Course I did.”

“And he’s not pressing charges?” Mykenzie asks.

“I don’t think he will be, no.” He sighs. “It’s fine.”

“Does your girlfriend know?” Myk asks.

“I called her the night it happened. She wasn’t thrilled. She’s really worried about me, but she’s less angry now.”

“Why did you-“

“Enough with the questions please! The two of yeh are givin’ me a headache. Maybe I will go home.”

He grabs his things and heads out, leaving them both there. He just wants you home with him. He wants to apologize in person for starting something that didn’t need to be started. It was the longest week of his life, and he missed you so much he could cry. In fact, he did a couple times.

//

Harry spent the day Saturday doing all the chores you usually did together. He wanted the place to be spotless for your return. He was to pick you up the airport around six. Your sister would be picking your mom up. He dabbed some of the makeup on under eyes and around his nose just in case your mom was still with you when he picked you up.

You hugged your mom goodbye after you both got your luggage. You were exhausted. You couldn’t fall asleep on the plane, and there was a lot of turbulence so your stomach felt like shit. You were just happy you had a good time and a good tan. You waited out on the curb and looked for Harry’s car. He spots you and waves excitedly, almost forgetting he’s in trouble.

He throws the car in park and gets out. He picks you up and spins you around and you throw your arms around him. Tears prick at the both of your eyes for different reasons. He sets you down, cups your cheeks in his hands and kisses you. Suddenly you forget any ill feelings you had. His lips on yours was like pure heaven after being deprived for a week. A few cars beep at you, so Harry puts your bag in the trunk and off you go.

“Doesn’t look so bad…” You finally say.

“I, uh, put some make up on over it. It looks a lot worse than it feels.” He sighs. “Do you really wanna talk about this now? I’d much rather hear about your trip. Your face is so tan! You look great, babe.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it all actually…and thank you.” You put your hand on his thigh. “What’s done is done.” He nods.

“Are yeh hungry? Want me to stop somewhere quick on the way home?”

“No, I had a sandwich on the plane. I’m desperate for a shower. We went to the pool this morning and I didn’t have time to rinse off before we packed up.”

“Alright.”

Harry gets you home, and helps with your bag.

“So they didn’t notice your piercing?”

“No they did.” You laugh.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He laughs with you.

“I don’t know.” You shrug. “My mom noticed it right away and it was whatever. My Nannie was like at least it’s not a tattoo. So I was able to wear more of my two pieces, I’m glad I packed some.”

You start taking your clothes off and he follows you into the bathroom.

“Holy shit.” He looks you up and down. “You really got some sun.”

“Mhm, I’m crispier than a chicken nugget, and I love it. I didn’t wear makeup all week either, my skin is so happy right now.” You step into the hot water and Harry sits up on the sink counter. He didn’t feel like showering, but did feel like continuing to chat.

“Did yeh win any at the casino?”

“Mostly just broke even. It was a lot of fun though. I’ll have to show you some of the pictures I took.”

Harry gets up and grabs an envelope from his dresser that he’s been waiting to give you. You get out of the shower and wrap a towel around you.

“God I feel so much better.” He has a huge smile on his face. “What?”

“Here, got his a while ago, thought you should know.”

“Is this a bribe so I don’t stay mad about you getting into a bar fight?” You smirk.

“Nope. You can be mad as long as you want, I know it was stupid.”

“I almost wish I could see what you did to him.” You shake your head and take the envelope. You open it up and gasp, clapping a hand over your mouth. “Harry!” You beam at him. “When did you…”

“Bought ‘em the second they went on sale. Fifth row, dead center.”

“Oh my god! We’re going to see the Weeknd?!”

“Happy very early birthday, babe.”

You throw your arms around his neck and hold him tight.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! I’m so excited!” You  kiss him on the cheek. “Will you hold onto these?”

“Yup, I’ll stick ‘em back in my dresser.”

You go into your carry on and rummage in it, pulling out a black box.

“I got you a little something while I was away.” You hand him the box.

“You didn’t have to do tha’…”

“Just open it.”

He opens the box and sees the sunflower ring. His jaw drops and he looks at you.

“Way too expensive.”

“Oh well, can’t return it now. Try it on. I got it for the size of your middle finger.”

Harry takes one of his rings off and puts it on. His nails were recently painted pastel purple for the Easter holiday. He loved the way the white gold contrasted with it.

“So…you were at the store, saw this, and thought of me?” He asks without looking at you, fixated on the ring.

“Mhm. I thought since I wear your favorite flower, you could wear mine. Not everyone can see your tattoo. Do you…do you like it?”

“Like it?” His eyes were glossy. “I love it!”

He comes over to you and cups your cheeks his hands and kisses you. Your hands go on his hips.

“M’never takin’ it off.” He says against your lips. His tongue swipes across your bottom lip and you open up for him. His tongue molds with yours and moan into him right away. “Miss me a little?” He whispers.

“Missed you a lot.” You look up at him. “I barely slept most nights.” You pout.

“You’ll sleep good tonight, I’ll make sure of it.” He undoes your towel and lets it pool at your feet. “I can’t get over these tan lines.” He says, cupping your breasts.

You tug at the hem of his shirt and he takes it off. He undoes his pants as you sit back on the bed.

“I can’t, um, go down on yeh unfortunately, as much I really want to. Nose it too sore.”

“It’s okay. Your fingers aren’t sore, right?” You smirk and he bites his bottom lip.

“Nope.”

He crawls on the bed and you part your legs for him. He sucks two fingers into his mouth and grazes them against your folds.

“Did you look at the pictures while I was gone?”

“Yes.” He blushes as he rubs circles on your clit. “More than I’d like to admit.” You giggle.

His fingers push inside you, and curl up. Your head rolls back and your mouth falls open. He really wants to lick you, but he knows he would end up nose deep and that was just not good for his health at the moment. He pumps in and out of you and hit that sweet spot inside.

“Fuck, Harry.” You breathe as your eyes roll into the back of your head. “That’s it right there.”

He pumps faster. Your nails dig into his shoulders. He can feel you clenching around him, wanting to clamp your legs together, but he keeps them spread apart. Your back arches and you moan his name again as you release onto his fingers. He sucks them back into his mouth to at least get a little taste of you.

Harry wondered when you’d wanna break out the new toys. He desperately wanted to ask, but he knew you must have hid them for a reason and he didn’t want you to feel embarrassed.

“Lay back doll, I wanna ride you.”

Harry smiles and does what you say. He sits up against the head board and you crawl onto his lap. You wrap your hand around his dick and play with his top with your thumb. You kiss him, slipping your tongue into his mouth. He groans against you as you stroke his dick. You raise your hips slightly and slowly lower yourself onto him. You both groan with satisfaction.

“You feel so good.” You say into his ear. “So snug.” You raise and lower on him until you find a good rhythm. You nibble on his earlobe and his hands slide to your ass to help you move faster on him.

“Missed you so much, fuck.” He practically whimpers when you tighten and loosen around him a few times. He grits his teeth as he thrusts up into you, the both of you moving in sync together.

“Tell me how good it feels, Harry.” You say into his ear with a whisper.

“Feels so fuckin’ good.” His fingers press harder into your ass. “You’re so fuckin’ wet.” One his hands moves to rub your clit and you sink your teeth into his neck.

“God, fuck me up Harry.” Both of his eyebrows raise. You clench around him and your second release comes.

He doesn’t give you time to recover before your face down on the bed, and he’s entering you from behind. He pulls your hips back. You move your ass back against him in sync with his thrusts so you can feel him as deep as you possibly can. You’re propped up on your elbows with your back arched.

“Alright?” He grunts.

“Yes! Don’t stop, you’re hitting it.” You grip at the blankets, making your knuckles go white. He was hitting your g-spot with such ferocity you knew you’d be coming again soon.

He has one hand on your hip and the other on the back of your neck. He was absolutely railing you, and it felt amazing. You had sex like this all the time when you were in college, before the anything bad happened to you.

The room was filled with the sound of skin slapping against skin. To put it bluntly, your cheeks were getting clapped. You could feel his balls slapping against you and it was making you go cross eyed.

“Harry!” You moan.

“Gonna come again?”

“Yes! Fuck, yes.”

“Go on, Y/N, come for me.”

Your back arches more and he grips the back of your neck so hard he’s yanking your back to him. One arm snaking between your breasts to hold you steady, and the other moving to rub your clit. Your head rolls back on his shoulder. You’re panting and gasping as you come. It was so intense your vision went blurry.

“Can I bend you over the bed?” He says, sinking his teeth into your shoulder. You gasp at the feeling.

“Yes.”

You both get off the bed, and he bends you over it. He slips back inside you with ease.

“Fuck.” He moans. He rocks in and out of you, his hands clinging to your hips.

“Harry, please come, fill me up.”

He thrusts quicken and grow sloppy. Your back arches when you feel his warm come sput inside you. He collapses on top of you when he finishes. You feel him pull out and his release drips down your thighs. His weight on you felt amazing, and you didn’t want him to leave. You whimper when he gets off of you.

“M’gonna get a rag to clean yeh up.” He says softly. He returns quickly and crouches behind you to clean you up. “They yeh go.” He throws the rag in the hamper. You stand to face him and your legs feel like jello. “You were amazing, you know that?” He kisses your forehead.

“M’so tired.” You rub your eyes like a child.

“Time for bed then, yeah?” It was only a little after eight.

“You don’t mind going to bed so early?”

“You’re finally home, of course I don’t mind.” He chuckles. “Go do your thing, I’m gonna get settled in.”

You walk into the bathroom and do your routine. You get into the bed and snuggle up to Harry. You take turns all night spooning each other. You both wanted to be held by the other. Eventually you passed out with his head on your chest. It was perfect.

[afewmarvelousthoughts]

Stay Ch. 18

Master: @afewmarvelousthoughtsadmin

Pairing: Natasha X Reader (Female)

Summary: You have a gift, the ability to see other people’s innermost secrets. For years you used it to gather intel for the highest bidder when you take on The Widow. After she becomes more than a mark the two of you spend years stealing moments. Post snap you wait in your designated meeting place, look back on the sordid past you share with the woman you love and hope against everything that she’s still alive.

Warnings: Violence, feels, uh... stuff...

A/N:  Well... Just know I always knew this was coming and I think that once y’all read it you’ll realize why it took me so long to just sit down and do the fucking thing. 

Tags are open!

Post-Snap

Your hand trembles as you dial the code for the voicemail. It takes several tries for it to go through. There’s nothing there… You knew but…

You slam the phone on the table so hard the woman at the table next to yours jumps. Swallowing hard you force yourself to give her an apologetic smile, though you suspect it comes across as more of a grimace.

The sounds of the bar begin to overwhelm your senses. Radio chatter and static, people talking, crying, glass clinking, it all rises in your ears until it practically hurts. Your chest tightens, heart thundering in your ears. In your desperation to escape you almost send the table toppling over as well as a few people in the lobby.

Outside the sounds don’t quiet. Thunder rolls, cars replace the clinking glass, somewhere a siren screams and you think you may join it.

You stumble down a nearby alleyway and press your back to the concrete, covering your ears, begging it to stop. The air seems too thick to breathe, even the sound of your own pulse seems too much.

Too much thinking… too many memories… you feel like your chest may split and that would be bad for so many reasons… The sky beats you to it.

Lightning cracks, rain begins to pelt your skin. You sit as the water and memories wash over you, unable to stop either.

June 2009

The budget motel room you’d been in for the past month looked like the den of a serial killer.

It didn’t matter to you. You needed to see it all laid out, needed to look at the pattern because something was unfolding for you…

Over the past year and a half since Budapest, you hadn’t taken any jobs, gone mostly off the grid hunting your white whale. Bit by painstaking bit you had pulled together pieces of a sinister puzzle that spanned from just before World War II to now. You couldn’t shake the feeling that you had everything you needed… it was just a matter of putting them all together into something that somehow made sense.

That was where the issue lay. You knew that this had something to do with the Nazi science unit called Hydra, you knew somehow that organization had influenced almost a century of clandestine activity since being disbanded, you knew they even had involvement in the Red Room… What wasn’t clear was who they were now… or better yet, where. Thin threads of connection, some so fine you almost doubted yourself, went to so many things. You just couldn’t make it all fit.

You think of calling Natasha. Sometimes it helped to just hear her voice even if you couldn’t bring yourself to talk to her about all this just yet. And you missed her. It had been a few months since you’d seen one another. Maybe tomorrow…

Drunk, frustrated, and utterly sick of staring at the documents, photos, and your own notes that scattered the walls of the room you collapse face first into the bed. Sleep. That would help. Maybe you’d wake up and it would all make sense.

Hours later your foggy disjointed mind registers that your phone is ringing… has been ringing. Your hand flops in the darkness for the screaming rectangle. It’s a number you don’t know but that’s not so unusual.

“Huh,” you groan in answer.

“Palais.” A woman’s voice manages, thick with emotion. But… it’s not Natasha.

“Who the fu-” The line goes dead.

A tremor shakes your whole body. Without a second thought, you flip the lights on and begin to tear the room apart, shoving all your research into your bag haphazardly. Sure, this could easily be a trap but you weren’t willing to risk it. Whatever was there you’d handle it.

With one last sweep of the room, you’re out the door and into the shitty car you’d purchased a few weeks prior in less than an hour. You’d been in Krakow, about four hours from Vienna. You screech to a stop in front of The Palais in just under three, every traffic law known to man broken in your haste.

You don’t even look at the valet when you hurl your keys to him and rush inside.

Desperate eyes scan the lobby for red hair and a heart-stopping smile, even Clint’s face would have been something but… nothing. Then you see someone you hadn’t even thought of in years.

“Hill?” You croak tapping her shoulder. That one moment of contact sends an image so vivid searing through you it’s a wonder you don’t combust. Natasha, pale, covered in blood. Hill’s fear, sadness, guilt… Oh god.

Words completely fail you. Hill turns and gets off her stool, approaching you speaking words you aren’t hearing. You just keep backing up, head shaking whispering, “No, no, no nonono,” over and over until it’s just a sound and not a word at all.

That now familiar feeling of your chest tearing at the seams begins and you know that it would be terrible for all these people to feel this but you can’t help it.

She grabs your shoulders and shakes you, “She’s not dead, Y/N!” Clarity begins to flood your system. “I need you to pull it together.”

You nod, blinking hard. “I’m sorry… I saw…”

“She’s hurt. But she’s gonna make it. I’m here to take you to her.” For a minute you stare at Hill, remembering your first exchange and how cold she’d been… “She’s my friend.” There’s nothing but truth in her words.

You grab your things from the car, leave the keys with the valet and climb into the front seat of Hill’s car. Anxiety curls like a snake in your belly, remembering the drive to the jet you’d taken all that time ago but before you’re even able to ask she tells you.

“We’ve got a small jet in a private airport here, we’ll be there in less than two hours.” The only response you can manage is a nod.

Once you’re on the jet and headed toward Odessa you’ve had time to roll the image you lifted from Hill over in your mind enough times for the rage to settle in. Natasha hadn’t told you she’d be anywhere near Odessa…

“Ask.” Hill’s tone is gravel.

“Why waste my precious breath?”

“What’s that mean?”

“Not like you’d tell me shit anyway.”

“Why would I offer if-”

“You didn’t offer. You said ‘Ask’ that’s a bait, not an offer. And trust me I’ve got half a fuckin’ mind to just take the information from you regardless of-”

“It was supposed to be an easy mission.” She cuts you off, voice steady. Her eyes meet yours and you’re hit with something you didn’t anticipate, remorse. “In and out in deep shadow. But somehow-”

“Whose orders?” You practically whisper.

“What?”

“Who’s. Fucking. Orders?”

“I… Fury… but…”

“Who gave him the intel?”

“I don’t know?”

“Hill… I swear to god I will-”

“I do not fucking know, Y/N.” Her eyes burn into yours. Truth, nothing but the truth, all of it. “Why?”

You stare at her, something churning inside of you, your brain still plucking at those threads, still trying to fit the pieces together… “Nothing.”

“You can tell me.” You don’t respond. “Like I said, Natasha is my friend I want to know who-”

“I can’t. Not yet.”

“Fine. Whatever.” Her eyes glue onto the open sky.

“But when I know,” you say after a few minutes of feeling her conviction roll off her in waves, “I’ll need your help bringin’ ‘em down.”

Hill’s brown eyes latch on to your own. The two of you share a moment beyond words and she nods. You know then that no matter where this leads she’ll have your back… and that maybe you’ve found a new friend too.

When you get off the jet you refuse to let your bags out of your sight. You weren’t about to let anyone from S.H.I.E.L.D. touch a damn thing you’d worked to gather, especially now.

You expect to see Fury when you walk in but it’s Clint, bleary-eyed and stoop-shouldered. His demeanor stops your heart.

He must read your face though because before you speak he tells you what you need to hear, “She’s ok, Y/N.”

Relief floods your system and you find yourself accepting his open arms without question. Tears burn hot in your eyes but you hold them back, not ready to let the flood gates open.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers.

“Why?”

“I should’ve been there, should’ve-”

“Don’t.” He pulls back and you study his face, his guilt like a cloud around him. “This isn’t on you, Clint.” But you were going to find out who was responsible.

“Any word on ballistics yet?” Hill asks from behind you.

“Mhm,” frustration creases his forehead. “Soviet slug. No rifling. It’s a dead end.”

It may be a dead end to them but you’d seen that signature pop up over and over in your research. The implications… your blood runs cold.

“She should be out soon,” Clint rests a warm hand on your shoulder. “It nicked an artery so it’s taking a little time to get her patched.”

“Where’s Fury…” Your tone drips with malice.

“This isn’t Fury’s fault, Y/N… Come on sit and-”

You pull away from him, “Where is he, Clint?”

Hill answers, looking at her phone. “He’s en route. Should be here in an hour or so.”

“Thank you.” Now you do sit next to Clint.

After a few minutes, Hill disappears to take a call. Leaving you two alone.

“Distract me with pictures of the only children I like.”

“Pretty sure they’re the only children you know," he laughs.

“True. Still.”

He doesn’t need convincing. Laura and the kids were a well-kept secret, but he loved talking about them. The distraction is sweet and needed until Hill returns.

The more time that passes the more your panic rises. Clint holds your shaking hand tight and you rest your head on his shoulder, so fucking thankful to have him here. Hill paces, chewing her nails. None of you speak.

After almost an hour that felt more like a decade, the surgeon finally comes out. You and Clint practically fall over yourselves scrambling to your feet.

The surgeon smiles, “She’ll be fine.”

“Can I… Can I see her?” The surgeon looks to Hill and she nods.

“As soon as she’s settled you can go in.”

The three of you embrace in relief. She was ok. You wouldn’t need to kill Fury. Things were looking up.

Natasha’s still out when you’re ushered into the small room they have her in. Her skin is so pale in the harsh lights, the skin under her eyes dark, her lips lacking their usual rosy tint. The image makes your breath catch.

You lean down and kiss her cool lips softly before you whisper in her ear, “I’m here, honey. I love you.”

You’re unsure how long you’ve been in the room, holding her hand, willing those emerald eyes to look at you when Hill knocks.

“Hey,” her voice is low, “sorry, Fury and…” she clears her throat, “Secretary Pierce want to see you.”

“That’s nice.” Nothing would remove you from this room. Not until she woke up.

“I can, stay here and-”

“Sorry, but you can let them know I’ll talk to them after she wakes up and not a goddamn second before.” Hill swallows hard, “Deliver that in whatever way won’t get you fired. But I don’t fucking work for them,” yet, “and I don’t come when they call.”

She doesn’t say anything else, just heads out.

Your hand still locked on Nat’s you lay your head on the narrow mattress and drift off for a bit. Fingers pushing your hair back wake you with a start.

“Natasha!” She gives you a weak smile.

“Hey, baby.”

“Hey,” your voice cracks as you gently cover her face with kisses. “Don’t scare me like that honey…”

“I’m sorry. I thought…”

“Shh. No, it’s ok… I… just can’t lose you.” You kiss her a touch harder this time.

“Y/N,” she takes hold of one of your hands so tight it almost hurts. “It was-”

“I know.”

Fear flashes in her eyes and your heart constricts, “They always said he’d come for me… and he did. Y/N if he, you…”

“Hush.” You kiss her trembling knuckles. “I won’t let that… thing… or anyone close enough to hurt you again, got it?” You swallow hard knowing what it would take for you to keep that promise.

“I love you, Natasha.” You focus on that warm, golden feeling, and open it to her. Instantly her features relax.

“I love you too.”

You kiss her lips, noting the color creeping back. “I’m gonna get Clint. Fury wants to chat but I’ll be back.”

“Ok.”

Reluctantly, you grab your bag and head out of the room. Hill is at the end of the hall.

“Assuming you’re here to be my escort to the big boss men?”

“Yup,” she smiles at you.

You give Clint a hug as he heads to Nat’s room and steel yourself for the conversation you’re about to have… and the commitment you’re willing to make.

Hill opens the door and you step in knowing full well that your life is about to change. But maybe… just maybe for the better.

You’d never met Alexander Pierce but you’d read plenty about him over the years. He’s almost a foil to Fury’s stoicism. When you enter Pierce smiles brightly at you, the man certainly doesn’t look his age.

“Miss Y/N, pleasure,” he extends a hand. You think it’s a bold move until you take it and get next to nothing. Much like Fury, this man is guarded.

“Secretary Pierce. Fury.” You nod at him, he remained seated, glowering.

“I expected you to come in here guns blazing.”

“If she had died I would have,” you sit across from them. “Since she’s very much alive I’m willing to talk.”

Fury holds your gaze. All you’d found for him since your last meeting were a few sloppy low-level agents lining their pockets with dirty money. That only came to light because they had a gossamer tie to one of the orgs that seemed to be linked to this Hydra thing… They were your focus, it didn’t leave much room for S.H.I.E.L.D.

“Well?” Fury breaks the silence.

“Well, what? I was told the two of you wanted to chat so here I am.”

Pierce smirks, “I like her.”

Fury rolls his eyes. “I thought you were keeping an eye out for-”

“I kept both eyes out for faults in your organization if they came up in my own research, that was our deal. I delivered you the faults I found. If I had anything else I would have handed it over.” Silence hangs again.

Your frustration snaps. “Is this all you wanted? Do you really think if I had a shred of intelligence that would imply she’d be in someone’s crosshairs that I’d let it slide?! Come on Fury.”

“That’s not why we wanted to speak with you,” Pierce’s tone is level. His cool eyes catch yours, giving away nothing. “We simply wanted to know if you had any theories as to where we could start finding holes in our intelligence system.” Your brows rise, “Obviously you’ll be compensated. But it’s clear that we have a bit of a problem here…”

“Well,” you sigh, “you can start by putting me on your intel team.”

“Are you shitting me?” Fury looks genuinely surprised. “Because if so, Y/N, I’ll have you know I am not in a joking mood.”

“No jokes. No small print.” Everything in your gut is telling you not to do this but you need to have Natasha’s back… This was too close, you won’t let it happen again. His look says he doesn’t believe you.

“Look… I coulda lost her and it would’ve been on me. Because had I taken your offer last time… well, let’s just say there’s no way in hell something like this would have gotten past me.”

“You seem very sure of yourself.” Pierce isn’t mocking just being matter of fact.

“I don’t have a big head or an ego about what it is I do, Secretary Pierce. I simply have certain abilities that allow me to be the best at what I do. That simple.” He nods, a soft smile on his lips.

“Ok,” Fury slides a file over to you. “Take a look and tell us if you have any thoughts on who our mystery assailant is.”

You slide the file back to him. “I don’t need to look. I know.”

“Oh?” There’s a slight change in Pierce’s demeanor. A tickle of something. Excitement maybe?

“I’m also fairly certain I have an idea of who’s behind the trigger man too. But… I’d rather not say.”

Fury sighs, “If you’re going to be a part of this, of my team, you’re going to have to get used to giving up your intel freely. ‘I’d rather not say,’ isn’t gonna fly.”

He’s right… but you refuse to lay all your cards on the table at once. “You’re gonna think I’m crazy but… The Winter Soldier put a bullet in Natasha-”

“And is Santa the one behind the trigger man?” Pierce has an eyebrow cocked high. “The Winter Soldier is a ghost story.”

“You don’t believe in ghosts, Secretary?”

“Of course not.”

You smirk, “How about telepaths? Or empaths? Hell, didn’t some giant green fucker wreck Harlem not too long ago?”

“Well… yes but-”

“The world is full of freaks, far as I can tell it always has been. We just got sick of bein’ burned at the stake so we got better at hidin’. I’d suggest you approach things like ghost stories with an open mind, Mr. Secretary.”

“Still like her?” Fury quips.

“Very much so,” Pierce gives you another broad smile.

A little over an hour later and you’ve effectively agreed to do the only thing you never thought you’d do… put yourself on a leash. True… it was a very long leash with some pretty sweet perks but still, something in you rankled at the thought.

The next day you’re on the jet, heading into truly unknown waters for the first time in a very long time… But the feeling of Natasha’s hand in your own, her sweet tired smile, these things remind you why you’re doing this. You’ll keep her safe… no matter what.

-

Your first few days in DC are a blur. Natasha is still being held in the hospital for safety, and though you have full access to her place you’re still by her side every free second you have. Those seconds are few and far between because you’re constantly needing to run to S.H.I.E.L.D. for something it seems.

Papers need signing, blood taken, quick physical endurance tests. You beg Hill to just try and put this shit off until Nat is out but no. S.H.I.E.L.D. had a certain way of doing things, there was no way around it.

When you enter Natasha’s room on the third night you swear she’s literally glowing. Her smile takes your breath away and all you want to do is kiss her lips raw.

“Still not sick of me?” You ask as you bend down to kiss her.

“Never.” She cups your face in her hands, “You look tired, baby.”

“Aww, thanks, hun.”

“Shut up,” she bats at you playfully. “Seriously though…”

You sit in the chair next to her, unable to meet her piercing stare that can always see through you. Instead, you study the way your hands connect, hope she’ll drop it. She, of course, doesn’t.

“Y/N, look at me,” her tone is so soft you can’t help but obey. “I’m getting out tomorrow.”

“Honey that’s amazing!” You jump up and wrap her in your arms, tears of joy stinging the back of your eyes.

She hugs you back as tight as she can before gripping your shoulders and holding you away at arm’s length, “I want you to do something for me before then.”

“Anything.”

“I want you to go home… er, to my place.” A slight blush hits her cheeks and your heart trips over itself. “I want you to order take out, take a long bath, sleep in a real bed, and come get me tomorrow.”

“Nat I-”

She holds her fingers against your lips to silence you, “You’re no good to me exhausted.” A smirk stretches across her lips and she winks. “Tomorrow… we get to really start our lives… together.”

You take her hand away from your mouth and kiss her knuckles.

Her tone shifts, “I know it’s a lot all at once… I’m still amazed you did this but… I’m thankful.”

“I’m thankful too, honey.” You mean it. Sure, you were still terrified of what it meant to be under someone but it meant you got her. The fear was worth it.

“Now,” she rips her hand from yours, “ get outta here.”

You laugh, “Yes ma’am!” Stiffly you stand and give a mock salute.

She giggles, “Kiss me.” You do. Thoroughly.

You’re both panting by the end, foreheads pressed together. “If I don’t see leftover Chinese or pizza there tomorrow I’m going to assume you didn’t properly binge.”

“I think I can manage, Nat.” You kiss her forehead.

“Menus are all in the drawer by the oven.”

“Got it.” Once more you press your lips to hers before staring deep into those spectacular eyes. “I love you, Natasha.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

-

As you settle onto the couch after a long soak to wait for your pizza and watch Steel Magnolias you have to admit that Natasha was very right. You needed this, badly. And tomorrow she’d be right here next to you, in your arms.

A life filled with a strange sort of domestic bliss peppered with plenty of espionage-related shenanigans plays in your imagination, louder than the movie. You could have real date nights, find favorite local spots to visit more than just a handful of times. Sure you’d have stretches apart to work different jobs, but nothing like it had been. And the best part was that Fury agreed to let you vet every single gig Natasha was assigned. So even if you weren’t with her you’d still be able to have her back in some way.

You don’t even realize you’re smiling until your cheeks start to ache. This would be fine. A sense of peace settles over you, nice, warm, and so foreign.

Finally, a knock at the door tells you the star of the evening has arrived.

“One second,” you fish some cash from your bag and open the door.

Your heart stops.

“Hey, Oracle.” A familiar sinister voice intones from a cocky smirk.

Too slow you try to slam the door but Rumlow’s booted foot stops it fast. Clumsily you stumble back.

Dodging his lunge you bolt for the kitchen and the gun you know is hidden under the island countertop. Your fingers fumble to release it and a knife lodges in your upper arm. You cry out but still manage to get the weapon, holding it up with one shaky hand.

He laughs, “Shoot.”

You do. But as soon as you squeeze the trigger a metal hand grabs your wrist from behind you causing the shot to miss.

Pure terror fills your chest as that hand breaks your wrist with one, effortless squeeze. You don’t even scream.

“Yeah didn’t come alone this time, bitch.” Rumlow saunters toward you. He grabs your chin, “I’m gonna have a good time with you.”

It doesn’t take thought or effort to force every single negative emotion you’re feeling toward Rumlow. He gasps, releasing you as he steps back.

Feeling the hand at your wrist loosen a touch you seize the moment of distraction. You slam your left elbow back into the chest of who or rather what you’re certain is The Winter Soldier. He hardly huffs at the contact. Instead, he spins you around pinning you to the wall, flesh hand on your neck.

Half of his face is covered in a mask so you can’t make contact there. But his arm would be enough. Your left-hand latches onto the exposed skin of his forearm and you pull anything you can hoping the blow is enough to throw him.

The flood of images though… A half-choked scream tears through your throat from under the steady pressure of his hand. Pain. Hot, electric, blinding. Fear, panic, desperation, words… German… no Russian. A flash of a man screaming from a train car… a word… a name…

“Bucky,” you gasp feeling your body begin to go slack.

You don’t know if it’s the name or the slap of your power to is brain but he releases you, stepping back, brows knitting, frozen in place. Desperately you draw in air. Where there had been nothing in his eyes before now something flickers in them. Not that it matters.

Rumlow is on his knees grasping his chest. The Soldier looks like… a broken doll. A shiver creeps up your back as you bolt, amazed that he doesn’t immediately pursue you.

Your feet are barely on the asphalt of the alley behind the building when you hear someone above you. Not daring to look up you run as fast as your legs can carry you toward the lit street…

Two sharp pains sear from each of your thighs and you tumble face first to the ground. Looking back you can see the hilt of a knife sticking out.

The Soldier slowly approaches you. This time you focus the pain and fear filling you at him the moment he’s close as you try to crawl away. He staggers but continues forward. You’re not shocked after what you felt when you pulled his memories…

Eyes cold as any you’ve ever seen, pin you as he kneels and rips the knife from your right thigh.

“Fuck!” You scream, a sob threatening, you won’t allow it. “Please, Bucky,” he pauses before tearing the other out. Still… he does it. You cry out and he lifts you by the neck of your tee.

The name… “That’s your name right?! Bucky.” Flicker of something behind the eyes. “Please, please don’t do this…”

Your left-hand shoots up and grazes his forehead before he catches your arm, pinning it against the wall. It was enough to pull more flashes of horror from him.

“What did they do to you?” Your voice cracks.

There’s a moment of hesitation before his metal hand cracks across your temple sending you plunging into darkness.

-

Ice cold water splashes across your naked body and you gasp as consciousness comes flooding back to you.

The taste of blood fills your mouth. Your head throbs. Your right wrist and both thighs scream with pain. And your freezing, tied to a metal chair.

“Sorry about the harsh wake-up.” After a moment your eyes focus on the source of the voice. Secretary Pierce… “You were taking a little too long to come to and we’re working on a tight schedule tonight.”

Silence hangs as you stare at him, the Soldier posted to his back left. All the pieces of the puzzle you’d been trying to put together for so long click horrifyingly into place. Bile rises in your throat.

S.H.I.E.L.D. was the front for your job on Natasha because Hydra was the one actually behind it… And that gig hadn’t just been about her… it had been about you too. Everything since had been linked in some way to Hydra, the children’s hospital, them bringing Nat into S.H.I.E.L.D., Budapest… Odessa…

That same broad smile he wore in Odessa fills his face, “You’ve been stumbling around us for some time now, Y/N.” He stands, rolling up his sleeves, “Honestly, it’s been impressive. You’ve exceeded expectations in every situation we’ve orchestrated.”

He holds his hand out to the Soldier who hands him a phone. Your phone.

“And then, Budapest! I mean, when we heard from that grunt what you’d done to him and his men. I couldn’t believe how lucky we were. You even shook this one,” he motions a thumb to the Soldier. “Extraordinary.”

He stands a couple of feet from you, flipping your phone in his hands. “Nothing?”

“You seemed to enjoy monologuing.”

He laughs, “I really do like you.” Pierce sighs, “If only we weren’t so short on time. I’d love to be the one to break that smart mouth. But there’s business to get to.”

“I’m not doin’ shit for you, you fuckin’ Nazi prick.” Your voice is a low rumble.

“Nazi is such a tired term and really inaccurate.” He signals to some unseen person and an image flicks up on the white wall behind him.

Natasha’s hospital room. She’s sound asleep. Your chest constricts.

“Like I said, business to get to.” The image disappears.

“If you take me she’s gonna come for you,” that terrifies you. It takes focused effort to hold it all inside… who knows what they’d do if you were perceived to attack this sack of shit.

“Oh, I know. She’d likely find a way to get Fury in on it too I have no doubt.” Fury knew nothing about this, you’d expected as much. “So we’re going to take care of that.” With a nod of his head, the Soldier approaches and stands ready beside him.

“Fury made your hesitation about joining S.H.I.E.L.D. clear to me on our way to Odessa. In fact, he was convinced that even after that incident you’d still refuse to join. So the thought that you’d run from all of this isn’t so far fetched.”

Carefully you coach your features. This man thought he knew so much…

“You’re going to call and leave a little goodbye message. She’ll still look for you and I will happily be providing her with some S.H.I.E.L.D. resources with which to do so.” Fuck. “After all,” his tone is sickening, “who doesn’t want to help true lovers reunite?”

He dials and gives the phone to the Soldier to hold to your ear. “I suggest you keep it short and sweet.”

The voicemail tone sounds, “I’m sorry honey… I just… I can’t do this,” your heart shatters with every syllable. “Being on someone’s leash… it’s just too much, Natasha. I-” You almost end with I love you but there’s another way you can tell her that and alert her to the danger all at once. “We’ll always have the… Palais.”

You nod and the Soldier crushes the phone in his metal fist. A part of you goes with it.

“I could shed a tear. Very Casablanca.” The Soldier retakes his place beside Pierce. “You remember Casablanca don’t you?” He directs it toward the Soldier, voice dripping with condescension before he pats the side of his face. “Of course you don’t.”

The question falls from your lips before you can stop it, “What did you do to him?”

“Me?” Pierce jesters to his chest. “I didn’t do this. He’s the product of a bygone era. But don’t you worry, your brain is far too precious for us to wipe clean.” The smile on his face this time is sinister, “We’ll have to get a little more creative with you.”

With that, he turns on his heels to leave.

“Oh!” He turns back. “And I’m sure you’ve figured this out but I want our terms to be clear. As long as you cooperate she doesn’t get another unwanted hole in her body. Understood.”

“Crystal,” you growl.

The moment the door closes the image of Natasha returns.

For hours you sit thinking they’re going to make you watch her die… It nearly drives you mad. But nothing happens. She sleeps soundly, wakes, and looks at her phone…

You watch as she gets the message, hurt and anger and pain flashing across her features until that last word. She listens again, and again, and again. One glittering tear slides down her cheek before the image disappears… And something in you goes dark.

@mywinterwolf @disagreetoagree @breezy1415 @peachthatdrinkslemonade @5aftermidnight @jeromethepsycho @marvel-randomness @daniellajocelyn @katecolleen @yanginginthere @wonderlandmind4 @piensa-bonito @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @lesbian-girls-wayhaught @siriuslycloudy2 @alphalesbianwolf @sxph-t @marvelb00kwolf @itsqueenofchains @demonlover87

[osmw1]

Crowbar Nurse   Chapter 14 — Vows of Love and Banging Against the Wall (No, Not Like That)

“Three hours left until game over, eh?”

Kiryū looked as if he were lost in thought. Difficult thoughts.

“Since you’re so familiar with this game, Sera, lay it out for us. What’s our best plan of action? After all we’ve been through to train our army and to gather munitions, it’d be a waste to simply ditch them here. But if evacuating to the dating sim world is the better choice, then so be it.” “Hmm, what should we do…?”

I too had to collect my thoughts. Now that we had all cooled off, it made it a little easier to think.

“… It would be simple enough to go to the dating sim world. However, we would leave DMC3 in its ‘bad ending’, meaning that we might possibly never be able to return here.” “Perhaps. But since the game would be finished… the game might start from the beginning again.” “Yes, of course that’s possible as well.”

Elizabeth had a point. The game may very well restart.

“Once thing is for sure though. Now is our only chance if we want to save this world. The town may be destroyed by thermobaric missiles next time we come back. Not to mention that the player ‘You’ who triggered the ending might not want to simply give it all up either.”

Saying that, I then turned to the two of them with all seriousness.

“And so, let me suggest an idea. Let’s rewrite the ending.” “Whaddya mean?”

I nodded at Kiryū, acknowledging his curiosity.

“Before the thermobaric bombs drop on Confi City, we will go trigger the ‘truck ending’ conditions. If we manage to pull that off, then we can avoid the ‘thermobaric missile–strike bad ending’.” “… And on the chance that we don’t manage to?”

Elizabeth spoke with such nervousness, I could almost see her quivering as I replied.

“… In the case that we can’t find ‘You’ within three hours, then we would probably have no choice but to abandon them. If we can’t get the truck ending to start, then we’ll immediately jump to the dating sim world.” “Hmm… Well, it’s worth givin’ it a shot.”

Kiryū was willing. That leaves just one.

“If we don’t, it might come to bite us in our asses when we get back home. We’ll have to live with those demons, y’know?” “… Heh, I suppose so. Okay, then.”

She responded with a slight chuckle, but still evidently nervous.

“Yes, you are correct. It is obviously wrong to not save a life when we have the ability to do so. … The opposite was true for my last time. It was as if killing each other was the obvious answer. I didn’t want to die, so I believed that abandoning others was the correct choice. But that isn’t right, is it? … Truthfully, I’m extremely grateful that it was you two whom I met in this world.” “And here I thought your apprehension was towards us.”

I had hoped that cracking jokes would ease her if just a little.

“We’ll be alright, Elizabeth. It’s not like what we’re trying to do is really that difficult. All we have to do is run over a couple of zombies with a truck on our way out. If we really do find it an impossibility, then… yes, unfortunately, we may have to give up on saving ‘You’. But in that case, the next world we’ll hop to is a visual novel dating sim for girls. Sure, we don’t know which exact game it is yet, but think about it. We’ll have so much Kiryū-level eye candy to feast on!”

Elizabeth held back another quiet laugh as Kiryū gently rapped the back of my head with his knuckles.

    We then spent about thirty minutes to talk over our truck ending action plan and equip our hellish army. Elizabeth didn't have the stamina to even be in a shouting match, let alone a full-on brawl with zombies, and so we delegated her to hold down the fort. With the troops standing guard outside, we figured she should be safe in the safehouse. That left Kiryū and me with a handful of soldiers. Our plan was to head to the end of Uptown, gang up on the gun shop owner miniboss, and then steal his grenade launcher. That’s where we were at now: duping the nade launcher at the gun range.

“Ah, jeez, I could really go for a drink right about now.” “I thought you’d be pukin’ already seein’ how much you just guzzled down.”

Kiryū poked fun at me, but I shook my head no.

“That stuff doesn’t hit the spot. It tastes exactly like booze, but you can’t get drunk off it at all.”

A disappointed sigh crept out from my lips.

“I wish I had some of the real stuff. That way, I can drink to forget all about this scary stuff and hurry home to snuggle in bed.” “… Are you scared?”

I couldn’t help but feel a little irked by his question as he handed me more launchers.

“Of course I am. How could I not be? You know we’re making a huge gamble for this city that’s potentially going to be wiped off the face of the earth in just a few hours, right? Of course I would rather just say ‘screw it’ and curl up in a blanket.” … But there’s no way I could possibly do that.”

I heaved the launchers into the buggy and then a deep, heavy sigh. I don’t know what he was thinking at the moment, but Kiryū looked straight at me before speaking.

“… You really are strong.” “As if. I’m not in the slightest.”

I brushed him off with another shake of the head.

“… If I seem in anyway strong, that’s a misunderstanding on your part, Kiryū. I’m wracked with anxiety over what if I made the wrong choice for us. Because the truth is I’m not strong at all, but that’s why I’m trying my damnedest to put on a brave face.” “Even if it’s just you putting on a brave face, I can’t count how many times you’ve saved me in this world.”

My thoughts froze as my eyes bulged wide. Still, I had to keep my hands moving. I began tying the extra launchers onto the soldiers with makeshift ropes. But as I finished, Kiryū faced me directly.

“… I saved you, huh? You sure like to exaggerate.” “Maybe you’ve forgotten, but I haven’t. We’ve been in a hopeless situation ever since the beginning. But I’ve managed this far without losing my marbles was all because I had you with me.” “… It’s not like you’re okay just because you’ve met me. You’re always so calm and calculated in your every move.” “Think back to when I questioned Elizabeth. Do you still think so?” “Well… I mean…”

I looked down at the ground before I knew it. I mean, he’s right. He did lose his cool that time. Kiryū scratched the back of his head as he continued, as if he were felt awkward or embarrassment.

“… Like I said before, there’s no one who understands this all as well as you do, someone who’s a total zombie game nerd. Maybe you’ll be right. Maybe you’ll be wrong. But whatever it may be, you’ll have our unconditional support in whatever you choose to do. And being here in this strange, weird world, I don’t blame you one bit for thinking it’s scary. But there’s nothing to be too afraid of either… we’ll be alright. We’re in this together.”

He finished speaking by gently placing his hand on top of my head. It was obvious that Kiryū didn’t mean to hit on me, but rather simply wanted to give me a pep talk.

I remember thinking the same when we first met: Kiryū’s hand sure is warm…

I blinked as I felt the warmth of his palm. Whether it was intentional or not, it brought me composure, allowing me to think. … To think about how Kiryū speaks. How he can’t help but point out all technical inaccuracies. How he’s just a little too serious and a tiny bit tactless. I had the same thought before I fainted, but I’m absolutely certain I’ve met Kiryū before. No. I’ve heard his voice before. I thought about it at length and came up with only one possible explanation.

  “… Umm, Kiryū?” “What’s up?” “I… I just had a sudden thought.” “Mhm?” “Kiryū, you mentioned you were a game dev, right? In Shinjuku?” “… Yeah, that’s right.”

His affirmation had a tinge of curiosity. Curious as to why I brought it up now. I looked into his eyes.

“There’s something about the way you speak that gives me a nagging feeling that I’ve heard your voice somewhere before. And, we were just talking about it earlier, but I said my friends and I like to hang out and play dating sims together.” “Yeah.” “Of course, that includes Rainbow Dreams as well.” “…” “It somehow came across my mind just now. My friend who’s a big fan of Kiryū Sōichirō had once showed me this video. I remember her getting super excited about how this game dev who was rumored to be Kiryū’s model posted that video. About a year or two ago, a video about a dating sim developer playing the party game Werewolf came out, right?”

His mouth may be closed, but Kiryū’s eyes were locked open. It seemed like I had hit the nail on the head. I leaned in close to his ear and whispered for confirmation.

“Hey, Kiryū. Perhaps your real name is…” followed by the name of the game dev’s in that video.

“… That’s me.”

He muttered and slumped his shoulders in disappointment or so I thought… but his bright red cheeks and banging the wall suggested he was more so mortified than anything. The walls of the shooting range were shaking by now, yet he kept punching with all his might. It made me wonder if he could tear down the building by himself. I suppose it was extremely shameful for his name to be doxed. Looking at bashful Kiryū somehow made me embarrassed too. I chuckled out loud before I could catch myself.

“Ahaha… I had a hunch, but I didn’t think you’d admit to it either. Oh, wow, Kiryū, so you’re the one who made Rainbow Dreams, hey? How about those rumors about you being the model for Kiryū? Is that true too?” “N-No way! I have nothing to do with that game! I was simply hired to do the programming for it, so I have nothing at all to do with the writing or art! The character designers or producers used my likeness without my permission is all!” “You are involved in the game then? That’s so impressive and amazing. It’s the first time I’ve met someone who was part of the team that made one of my favorite games!” “Gah…!”

Kiryū flinched as he saw my beaming face. Seemingly, he didn’t expect me to be so wowed by it all.

“… It’s a visual novel dating simulator catered to a female audience, y’know?” “I’m familiar.” “But it was made by a dude.” “And that’s super cool!” “Y-You think that’s… cool?”

Kiryū scrunched up his face, bewildered by the fact that anyone would think it was a positive thing.

“I think it’s honest work… But you don’t seem to like it very much, do you?” “… I didn’t have much of a choice; it was the only work I could get.”

I blankly blinked at his response as he avoided eye contact with me.

“No choice? Oh, that’s right. You seemed to know quite a bit about VR games, FOV, haptic feedback, and stuff like that. Was that what you really wanted to do instead?” “Oh, that… I’ve just been reading a lot into it lately is all. Not that I’m an expert in it or anything. I’ve made a little test project before, but I haven’t made any published any games like that before. … Making your own game with your own abilities then putting your name out there in the world… It’s a really daunting thing, y’know?” “Wow… But you’re still making Rainbow Dreams. I still think it’s amazing how you’re a part of this game that’s beloved by so many people. … Oh, Kiryū! When we get back, do you think I could get your autograph? I wanna brag about you to my friends!” “Whaaaaaat?!”

This time, he was flabbergasted but also looked as if he hated the very concept of what I had just said. I panicked and tried to take back my words.

“I’m so sorry! You don’t have to. It’s just that… I thought it’d be something nice to look forward to when we make it safely back home. But now that I think about it, you’re embarrassed by this all, right? Sorry for asking for such a weird favor. Let’s just forge—” “No, that’s alright. I’ll do it.” “Huh?” “… I’m nobody famous or nothin’, so it’s not like my signature is particularly exciting or what have you. But if it makes you happy, I’ll sign as many things as you want. So, let’s all get out of this together alive. That’s a promise, Sera.” “… I promise!”

I didn’t think I would’ve been so overcome with emotion, but I found myself jumping into Kiryū’s arms. After a brief moment of shock, he dryly laughed aloud as he patted me on my back. … And though we were surrounded by the unstoppable hellish army lugging around giant grenade launchers, we paid them no mind at all.

—We’re definitely making it out of here alive.

Whatever paralyzing fear I felt in my very core had disappeared in an instant.

■Werewolf Also known as Mafia, Werewolf enjoyed a brief fad where game developers and gamers would gather in person and stream themselves playing together. Kiryū is presumed to have most likely been roped into playing. As it was an utmost humiliating memory for him, Kiryū seemed to have tried everything in his powers to scrub the video off the internet but to no effect.

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