#I sabotage myself every other minute in my head going back and forth between excited and breaking down

[caught-in-the-filter]

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[sharpwin101]

“EVERYTHING I DID, I DID FOR YOU”

N.B. Hey guys, I'm re-uploading this narrative due to previous grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc. mistakes. I'm completely bad at proofreading lol, and didn't take the time to read over, but after receiving some very impactful feedbacks on twitter, it gave me the motivation I needed to somewhat correct these mistakes🤞hopefully enough, finishing this fanfic, which I must say I'm quite excited for you guys to read.

  S2 EP16 “EVERYTHING I DID, I DID FOR YOU”,

  CHAPER 1

I don't get it?  As tears stream down her cheeks,

Her thoughts raced as she remained in front of her bathroom mirror long enough to get agitated by her own self-pity. 

She understood that harboring such feelings would not only be self-destructive, but would keep her trapped, she was mentally stronger, and refuses to let it sabotage the barrier she has construct throughout the years.

She knew conquering and embracing Max’s indecisiveness, was just a question of time. That continues to fail him terribly, repeatedly, to define them, what they meant to each other, wondering how much longer, if not impossible, it will be for him to embrace and overcome his own fetters to unleash what he truly feels. 

Will he ever? she’s impel to believed, naively unaware of her imperceptiveness to his true desire, behind his barriers, causing her to suspect mistakenly,

Questing “does he feels the same” 

She paces back and forth, flipping her heels off with a small grimace, scattering them on the floor.

Fervently turning to her living room, with an instant wipe of her tears, in the direction of the liquor cupboard, pulling the first wine bottle her hand came across, desperate for a wine opener, she run-walk towards the kitchen, leaving nearly all of the drawers open while probing through.

She spotted the opener. Yes, yes! Clutches it obstinately, relieved. 

As she holds the bottle inverted between her knees, she struggled to open it a bit, her mind still being indistinct after their encounter, temporarily forgotten how to open the wine bottle.

(The wine cork flew free)

She hastily turns it to her head, gulping it down as if she didn't have time to consume it a bit slower, inadvertently spilling it on her. 

Crap!

Returning to the bathroom in search of her robe, while undressing herself and gulping more wine down her throat.

Being the clean freak she is, immediately after, she brought her clothing towards the laundry room, as she senses the impending intoxication looming over her.

(Crash)The wine bottle slipped from her deft grip and shattered on the floor. 

she slowly slumped to the floor, leaning against the laundry door for support grappling to sit up. While her clothes slowly unfold from her arms, As she casts a longing glare into space.

She ruminate aloud, frustratedly. 

What is wrong with me? Staring up towards the roof, as though she was seeking answers to all of life's unanswered questions from a greater Entity.

Why I’m I so unlucky?

I fought on, knowing that I wasn't even sure whether I'd be ready too, if you chose me then or now, she added, laughing.

All the walls I've worked so hard to build, comes crumbling down whenever I see, I can’t comprehend it. 

As she gently holds the nape of her neck, breathing deeply, with her left hand  supporting her head, while facing down. I don't want to lose control; I can't lose control.

You say these significant things,

you look at me in the way you do, and then you do nothing?  How can I fight for that?

You asked me why I did what I did, despite the fact that you already knew the answer. I asked you to define us; 

what exactly, this, we are?  as she motioned for answers

I've given you so much, and I tried so hard not to but it's as if all my rationale goes out the window when you're in danger. (laughing sarcastically at her self). 

For God sake, you yelled at me.......... whenever I try to help.

I have these fantasies about you before getting out of bed, I've tried to ignore it; believe me, I have (laughing) 

now I'm just here talking to myself.

As her gaze wandered around the room, she became irritated by the smashed wine bottle. 

   “ FIGHT FOR US”,

CHAPERT 2

(KNOCKING) She tilted her head, confusedly glancing towards the front door, wondering if it was the alcohol or someone was actually at the door.

Struggling to get up from the floor, as she continues to listen attentively to hear whether the knocking was coming from her front door. She slightly slipped when grabbing for her phone on the kitchen counter, to check the time.

11:43pm

Tightening her robe as she wiped her face, pondering, a few names flashed through her mind, But why would they not call? silently muttering to herself. Her phone started to ring as soon as the knocking ceased. Resuming her attention to her phone, which lids up, displaying "Dr. Max Goodwin” with a slight discontent look, she responded, still gazing at the door, nervously biting down on her index finger.

What, what do you want? She answered. 

"I'm at your door; will you let me in?". Quickly swallowing her saliva, her heart races, instantly lowering her phone to her side, with a million thoughts rushes through her head as she looked at the messed she had created, quickly ending his call. She began picking up her clothes from the floor and rushed to the washroom, staring at her flushed face, unbothered at this point and didn't care whether he noticed she was crying.

She trudged towards the front door, spotting her bed slippers and pulls them on.  Briefly pausing before opening the door.

There he was, standing in front of her. Casually dressed, in blue jeans, a grey    t-shirt, and his black jacket, which she had seen him in before.

Trying not to look into his eyes, but he has already peered right into hers. Struck by how small and delicate she looks outside the walls of the hospital, becoming completely lost in her eyes, unable to speak. 'Um, I... What are you doing here? she asked, before he could finish his sentence.

Were you crying? With a slight head tilt, she rolled her eyes irritably as she turns her back on him, leaving the door ajar. What are you doing here, Max?, her voice raised rather than normal. The frustration in her voice perplexed him. I wanted to ‘Um, before noticing the shattered wine bottle on her floor. 

As she reaches to get the mob and dustpan from the storage area adjacent to her kitchen. He watches her as she teeters, shutting the drawers that she left open earlier.

As she approaches the spilt wine on the floor, she kept her eyes lowered trying not to look him into his. He detects her shakiness as she extends the broom over the shattered wine bottle. No! he said, with no intent, to say it so loudly. Reaching his hands towards the broom.

Let me help, she still persisted. He gently withdrew the broom from her grasp when she walked away towards another section of her apartment, as his eyes followed her.

He disposed the shattered glass in the trash can, placing the mob and dustpan into the already opened storeroom.

In search of her, he returned to the living room area. noticing she had her back to him, curled up on her couch in a sitting position, fully wrapped in a blanket that matches the color of his shirt.

He stood behind her for minute before approaching.

Placing his hand on her shoulder as he walks to the side of the couch. She shivers at his touch just enough for it to go unnoticed while still looking down.

Seating next to her, he tries to get her attention. Helen, she did not respond. I'm sorry.... As he questioned. Are you okay? Placing her right palm on her forehead, displaying a tiny discomfort. She muttered, I have a minor headache. ‘Um, do you have any pain relievers? Instantly patted his forehead after, quickly realizing she wouldn't be able to take it seeing that she was drinking. Hastily corrects himself, do you want me to make you some tea? she fixes her gaze on him.

Please let me make you tea, while he makes his usual puppy eyes at her.

She gave her approval with a nod. Where are your…...? Instructing him with a finger while drawing the blanket back up to her shoulders. He stood up lively, walking towards her kitchen, absolutely taken aback by how tidy and organized her apartment looked.

Already knowing what kind of tea because they both enjoy it the same, reaching into the pantry for the box of tea bags on the lower shelf, pulling a cup from the washer and placing it on the hot water kettle. He spoons in 1/2 teaspoon of sugar exactly how she likes it. While leaning his back on the counter.

As he waited for the water to heat up, he indulged in his thoughts, gazing around her kitchen.

The whistling from the kettle stopped, with relieved he turned around, adding the hot water to the tea bag and returning to her,

With a wide smile on his face, he hands her the cup, she noticed he didn't have his wedding ban, she looked into his eyes as her hands extends to take the cup. He noticed that she noticed, with a little distance between them, he sat beside her in silence. 

on her third sip of tea, he glances at her and proceeded to apologize.

I should never have let you walk out that door, ‘I, I.... I have tried to hide this.  It's been hard,

It almost drove me completely insane. As she looked at him, intently listening 

I've tried to hold back, since the day we met.......................... It's been eating me alive knowing I felt this way while being married and had already started a family,

but I can't deny that I haven't felt this, not any more, he remarked, shaking his head.

For the longest time, I felt guilty, knowing I had felt this way about you,

if I let you slip out of my life, without trying, to fighting for us, I will not survive it, 

I see you, Helen. it’s just that sometimes it takes me a minute, to remember what matters more than anything, you.

He drew closer to her, as she sets the tea cup on the center table. Helen, 

I’m ready to fight. Fight for you, for Us. 

Every time you've been near me, I've wanted to do stuff to you, imagining what it would be like. 

You are undeniably BEAUTIFUL and sexy, and I need to have you, in all the ways I have been dreaming of.

She swallows her nonexistent saliva as he got closer. With her mouth partially open, uncontrollably batting her eyes at him. She searches his eyes, while he searches hers for permission, to touch her, intimately. Placing his left hand on the right side of the back of her neck sliding his fingers upward, gently holding on to her hair, a rush of adrenaline prickled her stomach, as he watched the whooshing of her breathing, thinking how soft on silky the growths of her hair felt.

She needed him to touched her, she needed to grip him closer, but her body was weak, weak to his touch. As they stared intensely at each other, their faces being only a few inches apart, tightening his grip on her hair, causing her to slightly tilted her head back, finally freeing of her temporary paralysis, she grabs hold to his muscular arm with her left hand, while clutching his side with her other hand.

He knew he was in charge, and she wanted him, his lips being a inch closer to hers, her eyelids, fill down slowly closing.

Their lips touch, as their bodies tingles, her chest rises, left her feeling like she had no air. The instant chemistry they felt, was uncontrollable. His thinking slowed when his lips met hers. Time becoming unknown, as if he were in a dream, how warm and crazily soft her lips were.

As they draw each other deeper and further into each other's sanctum, thrusting herself up with a knee for support. 

Has he pauses, looking intently into her eyes, slowly begin rolling her robe over her shoulder.

In complete awe of how clear and smooth her skin appears, while stirring her down. He notices she was wearing a black lace bra that matches her thong, which complemented her skin tone well, lost in her eyes, before entirely removing her robe. As she gets back up on both knees, yanking his jacket off, while he impatiently helped her to removed his shirt.

Unbuckling his belt, she unzip his jeans. Holding her by the lower portion of her cheeks, he punches his tongue into her mouth. Resting his back on the couch, hoisted her up on top of him.

feeling her body, with both his hands on her waist, recognizing how small it was in comparison to her hips, being considerably wider. She bends her knees and places her hands on the couch over his shoulder. As his tongue trails down her neck, while unclipping her bra, struggling a little.

Carefully pulling it off, her hands fill to her side, looking down at him, when he stroked her breast with his hands, causing her head to fall back uncontrollably, as a rush of adrenaline went to her vulva, gasping harder as he places his mouth over her tit, slowly sliding his hand into her thong concomitantly.

He gave her a look, realizing she was already lubricated, as she gasped for breath somewhat dropping her upper body backwards as his hand quickly supported her back, her mouth flew wide open, when he slid his index and middle finger in an upward motion on her clit.

She moaned loudly as he stroked it faster, her body slipping in and out of his grip, being a fraction of a second from an orgasm, he halted.

He hoisted her up positioning her back laying on the couch, with one of his hands intertwined with hers above her head. He opens her legs slightly with his bent knee, while she bends her knees up to give him access. Passionately kissing her while caressing her clit with his right fingers. Her heart races. As he drags his tongue in between her breasts, he releases her hands as he went down further, trailing his tongue towards her navel, causing her tummy to jerked.

He elevates his head up as he pulls himself down more to her vulva, while holding on to her hips. He tasted her, swiftly clinging to the cushion behind her, unable to keep her legs steady as he licks her clit. (she rapidly gasp for air).  

She weakly tries to pull him up, with her orgasm being at it’s peek, moving back towards her lips, as they exchanged sensual glances. Using his hands as a support to keep himself upright while holding on to his already-erected dick. He puts the blanket under her back to elevate her slightly.

Penetrating her. Max, she screamed, quivering and gasping for breath, as she looks deeply into his eyes, attempting to caress the side of his face, (while she bit her bottom lip, as he went in deeper, she clutches onto him.

His sweat drips on her skin, as he moans, they couldn’t get enough of each other.

As he penetrates deeper, harder and faster inside her, he tightens his grasp around her waist. As they drew closer, their moans became more even louder.

Fuck! he shouted as he ejaculated his semen into her, simultaneously in the instant of her orgasm relief. They both felt to the ground. Looking at each other, completely in awe. 

He extends his hand to the side of her face, pulling her in, to cuddled her.

[bubblesuga]

Oblivious To Adoration - 4

Summary: After an intense night of drunken sex, Jungkook realizes he wants more. When he suggests an idea to you, you were shocked. However, who were you to say no to Mr. Jeon Jungkook?

W/C: 2,165

Prev Part - Next Part 

Warnings: angst, mature language, fluff

You weren’t sure when it started to rain. All you knew was as you sat on the swing at the park in the center of your apartment complex, you felt a shiver run through your spine. 

The sky was a dull grey, an intense crack of thunder causing you to jump on the swing. The chains rattled around you, the few kids who played in the field in front of you rushing into the safety of the breezeways as it started to pour. You couldn’t feel the raindrops wetting your hair, the only thing your body could process was the horrendous thud of your heart inside your rib cage. 

It hadn’t been long since you talked to Jungkook in Namjoon’s apartment. Maybe a few days, you weren’t sure. You felt so conflicted that you weren’t sure what to do about everything, or how to sort through the maze of that is your mind. It seems like every time you thought you found a solution, you would over think it to the point where nothing seemed plausible. 

On one hand, you could admit your feelings for Jungkook and live a long and happy life together. It’s the option you wanted the most, because everything Jungkook described was exactly what you wished for. Imagining him in his boxers, humming a song to himself while you sleepily patter into the kitchen and wrap your arms around his waist... 

On the other hand, it could end badly. You didn’t have the best track record with dating, and every time you thought it was going great, they would cheat. That’s not to say you’d thought Jungkook would cheat, but you’ve never had an example of a healthy relationship. Your parents’ constant back and forth and watching your friends get their hearts broken over and over again only caused you to stray away from commitment. 

You wished so badly that you could just go with the flow, to just try, but your anxiety prevents you from doing so. 

“(Y/N)?” You hear a call from the direction of your apartment. 

You tore your eyes away from the sky, gripping the chain tighter while you turn to look. To your surprise, Jimin stands on the grass with an umbrella in his hand. Silently, he makes his way over to you to and grabs your hand. You allow him to guide you, not realizing how much your shivering until you’re back in the comfort of your apartment. 

“Who thought it could rain so hard in the summer?” Jimin chuckles, shaking off the water from the umbrella then looking at you with a smile. 

“Okay, now tell me what happened.” Jimin sits beside you, watching as you curl yourself beneath the throw blanket from the back of your couch. 

You shrug, “I thought you already knew.” 

“I knew about the beginning. I pushed Jungkook to make a move and I shouldn’t have.” Jimin leans back, running a hand through his dark brown locks. He looks stressed, dark bags beneath each of his eyes. Concealer covered them slightly, a sad attempt to hide his exhaustion.

“Why do you say that?” You question, gnawing anxiously at your bottom lip. 

Jimin turns to you, a sad smile on his face, “Jungkook hasn’t talked to me. I wracked my brain for hours trying to figure out what I could have possibly done wrong then I realized it was probably my sad attempt at pushing him out of his comfort zone.” 

To Jimin’s surprise, you let out a laugh before burying your face in the pillow on your thighs. Before you knew it, your laughter turned into a sob and Jimin was quick to comfort you. His hand drew soft circles between your shoulder blades while you quieted your sobs with the pillow.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” 

“No, that’s not it,” you look up, wiping the tears from your face, “I just feel fucking stupid for coming between your guys’ friendship. I shouldn’t have agreed to anything in the first place.” 

Jimin’s pitiful attempt to comfort you seemed to do more harm than good when you begin to wipe more silent tears that slipped out of your eyes. He sighs, pulling you to his chest and resting his chin on the top of your head while you continue to cry. 

“Jungkook told me he wants to be with me,” you finally start, using your sleeve to wipe beneath your nose, “and I got scared.” 

You can feel Jimin nod above you, his hand moving from your back to your arm, “Why are you scared?” 

You swallow, not sure how to put into words exactly what you’re feeling. Deflection seemed to be your best bet, “You don’t seem surprised that Jungkook told me he wants to be with me.” 

“Because I’m not,” he answers truthfully, “that man has liked you since the beginning and we all could see it. I’m more surprised that you couldn’t see it.” 

“I guess I’m oblivious.”

Jimin watches you pull away, giving you a small smile. You are oblivious. Jimin is keenly aware that Jungkook is madly in love with you, from the moment he saw you. There was something different about the way you carried yourself that had Jungkook on his knees begging for you, but only in his mind. He opened himself up to Jimin a lot, and Jimin couldn’t see how Jungkook telling you how he feels could have ended badly. 

He didn’t take you to be the type to run, and he had to figure out why. 

“You are. Now tell me why you’re scared.” Jimin presses gently. He has such a calming voice, you felt your chest loosen with every word, ridding you of your anxiety. 

“I’ve never had an example of a healthy relationship,” You stutter your way through your admission, feeling your throat choke up, “I’m gonna fuck it up with him. I’m gonna inadvertently sabotage the relationship and then I will have lost my best friend, Jimin. He’s the one person that I want around forever and I know I’ll fuck it up.” 

Your ramblings came out clearer than your thoughts were, Jimin only listening intently to every word. As much as he enjoyed being the key advice giver of the friend group, there were times where he heart broke for his friends. 

“Why do you think that?” He says after a moment. 

“I don’t think I deserve this love.” 

Then it all makes sense. 

Your entire life you had blamed your inability to love on the fact that you weren’t sure what love is. Building up a wall and tearing it down repeatedly until you finally gave in and accepted the fact that maybe it just wasn’t meant for you. You weren’t ever going to be able to find someone who can love you until you find the ability to love yourself. 

However, you had found someone who loves you. Who’s willing to work with you, fight for you, until you love yourself as much as he loves you. Maybe the first step to loving someone else isn’t loving yourself, but rather finding someone you can learn to love yourself with. 

“(Y/N)...” Jimin trails off, feeling his own chest swell with pain while he looked at you, “you deserve every ounce of love he gives you. Fuck what happened with your parents, with your exes. How are you ever going to find the one if you’re not willing to work for it?” 

“I- I’ll text him.” 

~*~*~

Jungkook’s foot pressed onto the gas, switching gears and ramming his way through the intersection. 

As soon as he got your text, he was in his car. He hadn’t even thought about putting on shoes or pants, instead rushing out in nothing but his white t-shirt and boxers. Admittedly he regretted the decision once he noticed how wet the sidewalks were, and how cold the breeze was, but he didn’t care because you were finally ready to talk. 

Whether it end badly or well, he needed some sort of closure because he was an absolute mess without you. Namjoon had texted him repeatedly after you left his apartment, asking if everything was okay. Jungkook couldn’t respond, only sighing at the texts and locking his phone before trying to sleep. 

Then he kept that routine, waiting anxiously for your text. 

As soon as he pulled into your parking lot, he was opening his door and running down the breezeway. 

His fist lifts to knock on the door but he’s surprised when the door swings open before he could. 

“Hey.” Jimin says simply, patting Jungkook’s shoulder. 

He slips passed his friend, sending him a wink and disappearing around the corner of the hallway. 

Jungkook furrows his brows, stepping inside of your apartment and spotting you on your couch. He hesitantly moves further inside, shutting the door and turning to you. You look up at him, your eyes red but a sad smile on your face. 

“Should I mentally prepare myself for rejection?” He walks towards you, sitting far enough away from you to give you space but close enough to ease his anxiety from you being away from him. 

“No, honey.” You pat the spot beside you, signalling for him to move closer. 

Jungkook tries to ignore the way his heart races as he does so, but he can’t help the way he falls into your arms the minute you wrap them around him. He’s close to tears, your silent gesture enough to wipe away the fears that surrounded him for the past few days. Beckoning him closer, you allow him to  rest his head on your shoulder and he turns to wrap his arms tightly around you. 

The hoodie you wore was soft, and it smelled like you. He grins, trying to bite back tears. 

“Did you have enough time to think?” He asks, his voice slightly muffled against your shoulder. 

“I did. Jimin helped me out a bit too.” You explain, your earlier tears now gone and replaced with excitement for the future, but also a touch of uncertainty. 

“And?” 

“I’ll try this, but you have to promise me something.” Your hand had a mind of it’s own while you move it up to Jungkook’s head, your nails gently scratching his scalp. 

“Of course, anything.” Jungkook says immediately, relaxing even more in your arms. 

You lay both of you back on the couch, Jungkook cuddling into your side. Despite the seriousness of the conversation, you felt at ease in this position, like you’re meant to be here. 

“If this doesn’t work out, we still have to be friends. I don’t want to lose you, Kookie, and I’d rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all.” You explain. Jimin had taken the time to help you put into words what you were feeling. After you had texted Jungkook, you realized you didn’t know what to say. Jimin took your jumbled mess of words and made it sound like poetry, and you were thankful for that. Had Jimin not shown up today, you would still be moping around your apartment with no intent on contacting Jungkook just yet. 

Jungkook nods against you, “I’ll do anything, (Y/N).” 

“Okay,” you let out a shaky breath, “thank you.” 

Jungkook takes the opportunity to lean up, pressing a chaste kiss against your cheek before taking his spot back on your chest. You feel the heat of his body radiating against you, a stark contrast to the cold rain you felt earlier. 

“So we’re doing this?” Jungkook asks. 

“Yeah.” You reaffirm, letting yourself relax properly for the first time in days. 

“So does this make you my girlfriend?” 

“If that’s okay with you.” 

Jungkook pulls his head off your chest, his eyes blown wild while he looks at you. Without a second thought, Jungkook presses a proper kiss to your lips. He swipes his tongue against your bottom lip, your lips opening for him immediately. His tongue explores your mouth while your hands fly to his hair. 

Something felt different about this kiss. You hadn’t gone into it with the intent of taking it further, only to feel his lips against yours. Jungkook chuckled into the kiss when he heard you sigh happily. 

When he pulls away, your eyes fly to his swollen upturned lips. He turns the smile into a smirk, “Okay, girlfriend.” 

“Ew, let’s not make that a habit.” You cringe, laughing under his gaze. 

“What? The title too much for you?” He questions. Though it came off jokingly, he had to swallow the feeling that you may only be agreeing to spare his feelings.

“No, but I like when you call me baby. Let’s stick to baby.” You explain, your chest fluttering while he smiles above you. 

Jungkook then stands abruptly, “To celebrate, I’m ordering pizza.” 

“Extra--” 

“Extra cheese, I know, baby.” He cuts you off, sending a wink your way and picking up his phone. 

Okay, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all...