#I rolled a 17 and I have a picture about it stored somewhere

[uc-beepboop]

Finally finally finally got this up! This links to day 1's prompt. I'll be posting more others here soon, but feel free to find all the fics I wrote so far here.

[hyunjinspark]

star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 17

pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader

genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au, star-crossed lovers

synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him. there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned. 

word count: 31K

warnings: cursing, drinking, heavy angst, mutual pining, sexual tension, kissing, mature language, making out, jealousy, references to injuries, unrequited love, fighting, arguments and confrontations, hyunjin is mean, mentions of weed, post-breakup behaviour, passing mention of threats, a guy makes yn feel physically uncomfortable

a/n: most of this chapter contains heavy angst, yn is thinking about hyunjin 90% of the time, and it's a very different pacing from usual, but i enjoyed writing this a lot :) i hope you love it too! please get comfortable with snacks and a blanket to read. you can listen to my star lost playlist here!

important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.

masterlist

The romantic movies you’d watched growing up always skipped over the hard parts. 

The break-ups in them were just a short montage set to the soundtrack of a sad song. The main female character would have given up all hope, drowning her feelings in ice-cream and wine, and just when she hit rock bottom... somehow the boy would find a way back to her. The audience would cheer even though it was so predictable, and the credits would roll. All the sadness would be overshadowed by a firework-worthy reunion kiss, and a stupid Happily Ever After. 

If only your life right now could pass by like a montage. If only you could hit fast-forward, and skip to the day you feel better. 

You were never much into Greek mythology, but you had read Percy Jackson in middle school, and the myth of Sisyphus always stuck to you. He was condemned to roll a rock up a mountain for eternity, but the rock would roll back down to the bottom every single time. It was a cruel punishment because he could never achieve his goal. 

Forgetting Hyunjin was a Sisyphean task. It was futile, in every way. On most days, it almost felt impossible. You could always try, and push yourself really hard, but he would always be there at the bottom of the canyon. Homereminded you of him, of all the good times there — bumping into him at Aera’s, plunging into freezing water with him at the creek, kissing him in the meadow of the fireflies, sloppy and wet but enchanting. And so did this city. The lights of the skyscrapers, the culture, the fashion, they all screamed his name. It didn’t help that his pictures were plastered all over every big billboard, every bus stop shelter, each subway station. Perhaps to forget him, you’d have to run away to a remote cabin, somewhere in Europe, where you could paint your life away and never look back. Yet wouldn’t that be useless too? Everything beautiful in your life would be forever linked to him.

“What are you thinking of so deeply, Y/N?” A voice pulled you out of your sad tangent. You’d been sketching in your notebook, mindlessly doodling, drawing circles and squares. 

Jeonghan was slumped in the chair opposite yours, his own sketchbook balanced on his knees, but he hadn’t drawn for an hour now. He was too busy listening to a podcast on those big headphones he never let go of. Minnie was supposed to join you today, but she was running late from a date with Jamie, so for now it was just you and him. There was so much noise around you, a constant buzz and chatter of people in the coffee shop, so you raised your voice to be heard, “I’m thinking of…how romance movies are all bullshit”

His eyebrows shot up, and he sat up straighter, clearly not expecting that. You suppose it was a bit random, “I’m sorry?”

Now that you’d brought it up, you had to explain it, and you struggled to find the words, “They’re all such cookie-cutter depictions of romance. The same formula every time. You don’t think so?”

His eyes narrowed, suspiciously, “Well, who broke your heart?”

You shut your sketchbook with a snap, “Nobody. I’m just talking”

“Clearly you think I’m stupider than I actually am” He pulled a hand up, and started counting on his fingers, “You’re not eating, you’re not sleeping, you’re only painting of blue and depressing things, you…didn’t even laugh at a single joke of mine in class today”

“Maybe because they aren’t funny”

“And you now think romantic movies suck. That’s the telltale signs of a breakup”

“I’ve always thought they suck… That doesn’t mean anything”

“Okay” He laughed, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, “How about the fact that you all but ran out of Pegasus and went white as a ghost when you saw that guy in the elevator?”

You stilled, staring at him. It’s been days since that incident, but he’s never brought it up till now. You had never given him a chance to. You realised you’re an expert in deflecting when it comes to matters of Hyunijn. You pulled at the spiral binding of your notebook, “He was just an old friend”

“You reacted way more than someone would…to an old friend. I’m not going to judge you, you know that? I’m from fucking LA. If I started judging people, I’m afraid I’d never stop”

You sighed, looking down at the coffee table, “He’s just someone I wasn’t expecting to see. It brought up old memories, shit I’d like to forget now. Let’s…talk about something else, please”

He released a breath, looking around, “Fine. I think I’m gonna get another cup of coffee. You want one?”

“No, I’m good. Coffee keeps me up at night”

Jeonghan stood up, lanky frame hovering over you, lips pressed into a thin line, “Don’t blame coffee for that”

With that, he walked off to the counter, and you stared at the empty chair. You’re trying hard not to think of that evening, after you walked out of the storage closet, out of the Pegasus building and straight home. You had felt a new kind of pathetic… and to make it worse, your apartment keys had refused to cooperate. It’s because you were shaking the whole way home. You’d dropped them on the landing multiple times as you made your way upstairs, the shrill sound the only thing snapping you out of your daze. Even your hands had shook as you tried to get into your apartment.

You’d crawled into your mattress, and you’d cried yourself to sleep. Your pillow had muffled the sounds and it wasn’t even satisfyin. Your tears felt empty and forced. The numbness…was real. What were you even crying for? Hyunjin had made it crystal clear since day one that nothing could happen between you, so you shouldn’t have expected him to suddenly change his mind. 

“I got you a cupcake” Jeonghan sat back down, a red velvet cupcake in his hand, a Cafe Mocha in the other.

It just hurt that he’d given up on the two of you, before you even had a chance to try. It was…a horrible memory, and your chest hurt at it. “I don’t want it, sorry”

“Suit yourself” He shrugged, peeling back the paper wrapping so he could take a bite out of it. The white frosting smeared on his nose, and he smiled at you. He’s a good friend, but you’ve been nothing but miserable the past few weeks. It’s bad for you because this is not the time for drama. You’re working on real stuff now in art class. You’re past introductions, and over the bunny hill. You have an actual assignment, and that’s the reason you’re here in this cafe, trying to brainstorm ideas for it. This artwork matters more to you than anything else lately, because it feels like a last plea for happiness. If your professor actually likes it, then you won’t feel so useless anymore. Time lately feels like it’s slipping through your fingers, wasting away, precious days blurring together into sadness and nostalgia. You used to count the seconds until you could live this life, but what you’re feeling right now…that’s not living.

How can you be creative right now, when all you hold inside you is bitterness? All this time, you’d held on to some minuscule hope, that one day things between you and Hyunjin would be all right. That maybe one day he would give into what he felt, and you could actually be together. It was almost …like a given. How could he kiss you like that…and not want it for the rest of his life? A part of you had imagined it all — the future you could have had with him, the relationship you could lead with somebody who knew every bit of you.

You’d been surrounded by good people your whole life, but the impact Hyunjin left on you was incomparable. His thoughts, the way his brain worked things out, the kindness with which he approached life — you couldn’t hope to find that in anybody now. It was special to only him, and more than anything, you couldn’t forget that. You couldn’t forget the beautiful things he kept hidden in his mind, in his heart. The first few weeks you’d known him…it became obvious what he would mean to you. In the silliest of ways, he even finished your sentences…How could somebody be so perfectly built for you, but not be meant for you at all? 

Maybe the romance books were to blame for making you believe there was someone perfect for you at all. Soulmates were an urban legend, and a red string of fate didn’t exist. But then why did everything pull you together all this while? It couldn’t have been…for nothing.

Were you the one to blame for imagining an actual future with him? You’d never even had the honor of calling him your boyfriend, how could you hope for anything more?

The logical step was…to move on. So that’s why you’re here, painting in the new coffee shop, and hoping it will help. Jeonghan helps, kind of. He’s funny, and he’s got a large personality and an even bigger sense of humour, and you wonder how he fits it all in his lanky frame. He’s a perfect student and on top of that, he’s helpful. He’s always sharing his supplies with you in class, and he’s genuinely so amusing, if not mildly annoying sometimes, but with Minho and Felix you’d gotten used to it. He was humming now to a song you don’t recognise, his music taste is very different from yours, and he suddenly asked, “Why do you think I moved back to Korea?”

Your brows furrowed, and you randomly guessed, “I don’t know…An American girl broke your heart?”

“Bingo” He bit into the cupcake, crumbs falling onto his button-up, and on his ripped jeans, “She kissed my friend at a party. Right in front of me”

You’re surprised to hear that, and even more so that he’s openly telling you. Maybe talking freely about the past is moving on. So you told him, in solidarity, “My best friend dated the boy I like”

His eyebrows shot up, and he leaned forward, pausing the music on his phone to give you his whole attention, “Did she know you liked him?”

“No…not really”

“Then you can’t really blame her I guess” 

“I don’t”

“So you blame yourself? For liking him?”

“Nothing I do could have made me stop”

He tilt his head, “Is that so?”

You chewed on your lip, “I liked him for a long time before my friend met him”

“Then why didn’t you ask him out?”

“I didn’t know his name at the…time”

His eyes widened, a smile forming, “Oh…now I’m really, really curious”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past now”

Jeonghan sighed, “You know, this is a record”

You reached for his cupcake, and bit into it, it was too sweet and you hated red velvet but you wanted to feel something, “What do you mean?”

“That’s like the most I’ve got out of you, Y/N. You’re a pretty closed book”

You’ve never been told that before. You're usually always oversharing. You have to try to be better. Maybe divulging the details of your life isn’t such a weakness or vulnerability. It’s hard to explain to anybody about what you’re going through, the only person who’ll understand is Kairi, but you haven’t talked to her since that time in the park, when she brought Hyunjin up and you came crumbling down like a house of cards.

You feel so weak lately, like a balloon about to be popped, stretched to your limits. You can’t accommodate any sadness in you anymore, and any mere mention or thought of Hyunjin breaks you down. You’re trying your best though. Yeonjun is sad you don’t hang out at his place anymore, after all it’s not his fault there’s a billboard of Hyunjin right across. Falling apart felt it’d be more climatic and sudden, but it’s more of a gradual process than anything. Even now, sitting in this pretty shop in Seoul, your chest pains at the memories. The hurt is so immense sometimes you have to clutch your chest waiting for the pain to pass. It’s like a heart attack every time you think of him. You can’t remember how it used to feel when it didn’t hurt. 

In the past few weeks, you’d have had a lot of selfish thoughts and wishes. Some of them are cruel in a way that you can never say it out loud. You feel guilty for even thinking them, yet most days when you’re alone in your bed and you crave him, you wish he never became an idol. Hyunjin without the fame and without his music was still the same boy inside. Hyunjin without the frills was the kid in the art store you fell in love with all those years ago. 

You wish he could just be yours, to love forever, not the entire citys’. Forever was a long fucking time but you felt capable of it, of cherishing him for the rest of your life because he made it so easy. But you should have taken the hint when he cut you out of his life, without even leaving a phone number behind. If you hadn’t come to Seoul… it was entirely possible he would never have seen you again. He would have left you behind in the town, and never looked back. To him…you were just a girl he messed around with in the summer. So temporary. So forgettable.

You wish you could pick apart your brain, and take out every memory of him, but you feared there’d be nothing in you left then. Loving him took up all the space in you. Missing him did the same. Jeonghan was speaking to you still, wondering why you never shared too much about yourself, and you shrugged, “I don’t know. I just want to focus on now. I hate feeling haunted by the past. It’s paralysing, to be stuck in those memories”

Jeonghan’s eyes narrowed, this is a pretty serious conversation for this cafe, but he asked, “You ever see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? The movie with Kate Winslet and that one dude…um, Jim Carrey?”

You’ve stopped sketching entirely now, you hadn’t made progress in hours. It goes without saying that ever since you saw Hyunjin in the city, your inspiration has been lost. You’ve been searching for it ever since, in new friendships, in new coffee shops, in conversations like this, “I…haven’t, but Felix, my best friend loved that movie”

He leaned forward, excited to explain to you, “Well, in the movie this couple’s broken up, and they hate each other, like absolutely loathe each other. So there’s this futuristic procedure where they can choose to erase memories of their lover, and the girl…she does it. It’s too painful to remember the boy she loved”

“Oh?”

“Mmh” Jeonghan’s eyes twinkle as he explained and you wonder if he and Felix would be best friends if they met; they talk about movies with the same passion, “So the guy, he starts going through the procedure too. But as the memories of their relationship start being deleted, he realises he doesn’t want them to be erased after all. They loved each other, and their time together was so special to them. That shouldn’t be forgotten. It’s a cool concept, right?”

You’re listening to him, and the noises of the cafe have faded away, “Yeah. It’s cool” You’re playing the movie in your head, wondering what you would do if you were in it. Would you alter the chemistry of your brain so Hyunjin never existed in your life? It’d sure be easier than trying to move on, which was…useless.

Jeonghan suddenly frowned realising you ate some of his cupcake. The proof was in your hands which were covered in white frosting. He leaned over the little table, “I thought you didn’t want the cupcake” 

You apologised, “Sorry. The frosting was good”

“Is that so?” He grabbed your hand. He’s touchy sometimes in class, so you weren’t too surprised. But in a single swoop, he licked the frosting right off your hand, tongue swirling around your finger for a brief second, “Eh, could be better. Anyway, do you want to watch that movie with me? You could come over after you finish the artwork”

Before you could even process what just happened, a tote bag slammed onto your table, and you both jumped. Minnie grinned at you, standing by, “So did you guys finish the assignment?”

»»————-

You are supposed to paint your most dominant emotion. It’s an important task, because you’ve to be graded on it. It’s due today. The thought of being evaluated for your creativity terrifies you. You don’t feel good for anything right now, but this is what you signed up for. Your supplies are sprawled across the apartment floor, and you’re forcing each stroke onto the paper, trying to paint a semblance of anything. You want to prove your worth in the art studio. You haven’t been too interactive in class, you’ve been at your lowest, but this meant so much to you for the longest time. So you’re trying really, really hard.

There is music playing from your phone, a mix of calm songs you’d put together months ago. Hours had passed, and you’ve fiddled away at your canvas, trying to fix every little detail. You stayed up nights in a row, finishing the painting and it was honestly a good distraction, for the most part. If Kim Jieong loves it, then perhaps you’ll stop being so sad. You will yourself to just fill in the gaps of your artwork, to correct the error in your ways so that it can be perfect for the presentation today.

But it was almost time for class, and if you didn’t leave now, you’ll be late. You stare at the painting, breathing a sigh, it doesn’t look half bad, “Well…this is as good as it’s gonna get”

As you roll the canvas up so you can carry it to class, the song on your playlist changes and within seconds… Hyunjin’s voice fills your bedroom. It was a song from the new album. 

You freeze, recognising it instantly, goosebumps rippling up your arms and legs. It’s a ballad, and his voice is soft and melodious. Once upon a time it was comforting. Dread fills your stomach. You hate this song. You hate his voice. You can’t listen to him ever again. Your phone lay across the bedroom floor. You need to turn it off. In your hurry to scramble for it, your hand slips, and your elbow knocks into a glass of muddy paint-water. Before you could even process it, the liquid tips over. Within seconds, helplessly you watch the wave of liquid destroy your art. It seeps across your entire canvas, ruining everything you’d worked on for weeks.

It becomes a glob of colors and it’s so funny and pathetic you couldn’t even cry or be frustrated. It’s your carelessness to blame. The only thing you can do is turn the fucking music off.

You feel stupid, showing up to class with that. When you arrive, Minnie was presenting her piece already. It’s gorgeous, and her painting is about love. It’s obvious in the way she’s drawn a portrait of what’s supposed to be her girlfriend, Jamie. There’s strokes of red for her hair, and pink and warm tones all over. Jamie is drawn so beautifully, accentuated features, so much personality in a single portrait. Does she know how beautiful she is in her girlfriend’s eyes?

Jeonghan goes next, and he’s painted triumph. It’s more abstract than a lover’s portrait. It’s smart, and it’s confident, and it’s full of gold accents. You feel ashamed thinking of your own work. You slide the rolled-up canvas behind your desk, and hope nobody notices it. Like a zombie, you’re applauding for everyone’s work, and your hands clap every few minutes, but you’re not even looking at anything anymore. Analysis and appreciation is out of the question. Your own failure is far too distracting. 

Then, Kim Jieong glanced at you for the first time this morning, expectant eyes, anticipating smile, “Come on up, sweetheart”

The rest of the class had apparently finished, and you’re the only one left. It’s easy to lie through your teeth, “I’m sorry, Mr. Jieong…I forgot”

His eyebrows shoot up, and confusion is evident in his gaze, “Forgot what?”

You can feel your friends eyes on you, “I forgot about the assignment” It’s better that he think you’re careless rather than not talented. Jeonghan’s gaze on you was deathly, because he knows you’ve worked on nothing else the past few days. This was the only thing you’d been sleeping and breathing. This was your turning point. Your hope for happiness.

Your professor nods, “I see…”

“I’m sorry” Your voice was small and pathetic but you don’t even feel any remorse. Sadness is so present in you that there’s no room for guilt. You stare at your table, not wanting to look anybody in the eye, especially as he speaks, “These assignments are for a reason, and I hope everybody knows that. We don’t wake up and come all the way here to waste each others time, do we?”

You curl up in your chair, pulling your jacket tight around yourself, and your eyes sting. You could feel his stare of judgement at you as he addressed the class, when you’re the only one at fault. Everybody else did the work. Minnie’s gaze was burning into you too, but you didn’t look up for the rest of class. It’s childish. You just feel embarrassed. You count down the minutes until it’s over. You’re going to go home and redo everything, and hopefully he will forgive you for your lack of tact.

As soon as it’s time, you grabbed your bag, rushing to leave, but his voice echoed through the class, “Y/N. Please stay back. I need to talk to you” 

The dreadful words make you stop in your tracks, but you were already at the door planning your escape. Minnie pinched you in the stomach as she left, “Good luck, babe”

You turned around, clutching your bag to your chest as everybody around you exits, and you know you’re being judged right now. This is a class for professionals. Heartbreak is not an excuse. You take a look at him, “Is everything okay?”

The professor crosses his legs on the stool, seemingly relaxed, and he didn’t look mad, “Just need to discuss something with you. I’ve been thinking about it for a while”

“Okay…” You breathe, running the possibilities in your head. Is he just upset, or is it possible to actually get kicked out of this program because of your fucking carelessness?

Jeonghan stops in front of you, “Should I go ahead, or do you want me to wait for you?”

Your professor was quick to interrupt, “Nate, I appreciate you sticking up for your friend, but I’d like to speak to her alone”

Your heart warmed at the thought that he was going to stay back for you, “It’s okay. I’ll see you tomorrow” You told him, even though you crave his comfort. Soon, the rest of the students trickle out of the classroom, dillydallying and slow to move with no care in the world. You stand by there, waiting patiently as Jieong wraps up his work, packing up his bag and things. As soon as everyone’s gone, you apologise, “I’m so sorry about forgetting the assignment. It was really irresponsible of me, and I can explain”

“Except you didn’t forget” He looked up at you.

“Sorry?”

“The canvas behind your desk. You didn’t really do a great job of hiding it”

“That’s… not my assignment” You protest, “That’s…nothing. It’s a mess”

He got up, “Then you won’t mind if I take a look at it?”

“I promise you, it’s nothing. It’s not worth…” You trailed off, watching as he makes his way there. He unfurls it, and he’s quiet for a few minutes as he stares at your botched painting. The artwork makes no sense. The canvas is completely ruined, and a kid could have done it better. He turns to you, disappointed. “Can you remind me why you’re here, Y/N?”

Your heart breaks even more, “I promise…I’m gonna do better next time”

He steps closer to you, “That’s not what I asked you, Y/N. Why are you in my program? That’s what I want to know”

You’re suddenly finding it hard to breathe, and your mind is blank. There’s no fucking space for your thoughts or for logic or reason, when it’s just been corrupted by memories he left behind, “I’m here… because I’ve always wanted to be”

“Do you think that’s good enough?”

This behavior of his isn’t even out of nowhere. You’ve been a horrible student of lately, you haven’t paid attention, your enthusiasm has been curbed, and your paintings have been tacky and upsetting. You swallowed the lump in your throat, “I’m really trying to be better. I’m…sorry for disappointing--”

“I’m only disappointed because you lied to me”

Your eyes shoot up to his, and his gaze burns you, “What?”

He crossed his arms, stepping close to you until there’s no personal space anymore. There’s no venom in his tone but you know he’s masquerading it because unlike you, he’s a professional who knows how to deal with people like you, “You can’t just choose what you want to do on a whim. That’s not up to you. That’s not what my program is for. This canvas is your assignment. Why are you pretending otherwise? Why didn’t you present it to the class?”

“Because I fucked up”

He didn’t flinch at your usage of the swear word, and he ran a hand over his face, “What emotion were you trying to convey?”

“Peace…”

“And is that how you feel? Peaceful?”

“No…” You sighed, “I feel horrible…” There was a lump in your throat blocking your airways. The pain in your chest was returning. You’re angry at Hyunjin for doing this to you.

“Can you please tell me what’s going on? You didn’t even meet the mentor I took you to see all the way to Pegasus for. Those field trips aren’t optional. I didn’t take you for some city tour. I wanted you to meet Karina. Those opportunities are important. If you miss those… you might as well not be here. This program is for people who value that, we have no room for freeloaders”

Your eyes shoot up to his, panic rising, and your eyes sting with tears, “Professor Jieong—”

“Can you sit down for a minute?” He stepped forward, hand going to your lower back, leading you to your seat. You feel awkward at the touch; the greenhouse studio is empty right now, it’s just you and him here. Would you have to beg him to let you stay in this program? Just like you begged Hyunjin to stay with you? He stands across you when you sit, crossing his arms, a pensive look in his eyes, “I receive…more than ten thousand applications for this program every year. There’s only twenty spaces in this classroom though. I couldn’t possibly look through all the applications myself. You’re aware of that, yes?”

It's hard for you to focus on his words when you only want to cry. In all this fucking sadness, you may just be losing the most important opportunity you ever got, “Yes…”

“I have a team that does it for me. They’re all trusted, close associates. All artists of course, and with all their idiosyncrasies they have a unique way of viewing the world. They hardly ever mess up in finding talent, but earlier this year, one of them did”

“What do you mean?”

“Your file didn’t come in to me. You were sent a rejection, weren’t you?”

The reminder is a punch to your gut, even though it’s in the past and irrelevant now. 

“Did you never wonder how you got in…even after being rejected?” He asked, lips curling up, as if knows the secrets of the universe and is indulging you in all of them. He’s going to tell you it was a mistake after all. You weren’t meant for this. You’ve fucked up so bad.

You wipe the single tear on your cheek as you look up at him, “To be honest…I just decided to take the blessing, and not question further”

He smiled, eyes crinkling, “Of course you did. Well, I think you’d be interested to know how you ended up getting in” You’ve never questioned it until now, and you’re anticipating his next words, "On a hot summer morning, I was supposed to catch a train up north to visit my parents. It was my day off…I don’t get too many of those here” He laughed, “But obviously, I missed the train. Instead of taking the next one, I came back to my office. When I did, I saw your file. It was in the rejected pile, but I took a single look at it and I knew there’d been a mistake. I knew that you had to be in this program. Somebody must have overlooked it, and I’m thankful I saw yours”

Your eyes widened, “What do you mean?” 

“I chose you, Y/N. Everybody else in this class was picked by my peers, by the committee, but you…I picked you myself, so you of all people shouldn’t be falling behind. You have an innate talent and I respect that a lot. I don’t want to be disappointed by you in the future. I know it’s intimidating to join in the middle of a semester, but you…belong here. Don’t question that. Don’t let it fuck you up”

You were dizzy with his compliment, perhaps this validation is the only thing you needed. You didn’t deserve this kindness, “You have a lot of confidence in someone who fucked up their painting so bad, Mr. Jieong”

“If I didn’t, you wouldn’t be sitting here, Y/N” 

“Right…um, thank you” Your lips tugged into a smile, and your chest felt lighter for the first time in a long time. He picked you. 

“That’s the problem with your generation, you’re always doubting yourself so much” He chuckled again, “Imagine if I’d taken that train to see my parents. I’d never seen your application. It would have been such a shame to not have you here with me”

You nodded, standing up to leave, grabbing your things, “That’s a crazy coincidence… Why didn’t you take the train though?”

He shrugged, carrying your canvas for you, so he could walk you out, “They’d closed down the entire platform for a few hours, so couldn’t even if I wanted to”

You frowned, switching off all the lights and glanced at him as the room was plunged in darkness, “Huh. I didn’t know they do that…”

“I didn’t either, but apparently some famous guy was returning to Seoul that day. I’m guessing a lot of fans wanted to see him, there was too big of a crowd. So they ended up shutting down the whole platform. Made me miss my damn train”

“A… music artist?” 

“Yeah! You might have seen it on the news. He’s one of Pegasus’ artists actually. I think he’s also a painter, like you. 

The pain in your chest returned with a bang, “Oh…”

He laughed, “This city and its obsession with celebrities. But I guess if it wasn’t for that… you wouldn’t be here”

“Yeah…”

His hand landed on your shoulder, trying to comfort you but nothing could, “I guess that’s why they say coincidence is just another word for fate, huh?”

»»————-

Unread messages flooded your inbox. Some from Yeonjun, most from Felix… You haven’t ignored them on purpose. You just haven’t had time or the energy to get back to them. They all read the same anyway. Asking about your life in the city, and how it feels to live your dreams. A part of you thought it’s the universe being decidedly cruel to you — reminding you the irony of how you’ve never been this miserable in your life.

And then there was one from Kairi. 

hey! i hope you’ve been doing good. i went to this cute new cafe in gangnam and i thought of you.  i feel like we ended things on the wrong note. could we maybe have a redo of last time? if that’s okay with you

You don’t reply, because you have no idea what you’ll even talk about to her. It’s creepy to pursue friendship with Chan’s ex. You’re supposed to be moving on, not just from him, but from his entire world. 

Your phone buzzes again and it’s a text from Minnie on your group chat. It’s just you, her and Jeonghan in it. You don’t talk too much here, just make plans for class and coffee. So you were surprised at what she had sent you. Maybe she feels pitiful after the way you embarrassed yourself in class earlier.

minnie: so you’re not gonna believe this yn.

yeah? 

minnie: i have a friend of a friend, and he saw a picture of you on my instagram. he thinks you’re really fucking hot.

who?

minnie: just some guy. anyway, do you want me to set you up with him?

noo. please don’t 

minnie: wait you didn’t let me finish. he works in the city, and i haven’t met him yet but my friend said he’s smart and funny. he seems like the kind of guy you’d like?

you’re trying to set me up with someone you’ve never met yourself?

minnie: omg its called a blind date girl

no dates. please.

minnie: all right :( anyway jamie and me are getting drunk tonight. do you wanna come?

You were trying really hard, to make casual conversation more often, to just be a normal fucking human who isn’t heartbroken and defined by your love for someone, so you said yes. You bought a bottle of wine from the store so you could bring it for them, as a gift for inviting you over. 

Minnie’s place was…nice. It’s in the higher end of the city, and she definitely comes from money. You were gathered around her dining table, and you’re sitting with your knees up on her chair. Jamie was lying on the couch across you, and she’s very tipsy already. A glass of wine was balanced on her stomach, and they’re telling you the story of how they met — through mutual friends on a night out in the city, apparently it was love at first sight, and Jamie had asked Minnie out only days after they first met. You didn’t opt for alcohol tonight, instead, you were digging into a large tub of chocolate ice-cream. 

Minnie was sitting cross-legged on the table, in her pajamas, “And then, guess what restaurant she picked for our first date? This…candle-lit fucking expensive place! I was so impressed, and kind of embarrassed I wouldn’t match the vibe—”

“But you looked fucking hot” Jamie interrupted, “We flirted the entire night, and then…we fucked on the very first date. At her place”

“Whoa…” You smiled at their story, tasting another spoonful of ice cream, “And…when did you start dating? Was it soon after that?”

“It’s embarrassing. She asked me to be her girlfriend…the same night” Minnie giggled, covering her face in her hands. She was definitely very tipsy, and you’d only seen her this cheerful around Jamie. In class, she was much more composed and serious, and it’s nice to see the side of her around her lover. She’s so much more open, and happier here.

“Oh” You realised, “And you’ve been together…three years now?”

Minnie grinned, shrugging, “I’d already fallen in love on the first date, no matter how stupid that sounds” 

You smiled at that, and then buried yourself into the ice-cream cup again, licking flecks off the steel spoon. Minnie nudged you, snapping you out of it, “Are you ever gonna tell us what happened with your ex or are we supposed to guess?”

“Minnie…” You rest your head against the wall, “It’s really not as interesting as your story”

“Y/N….” She whined loudly, and she had made her way through the second bottle of wine, the one you’d brought, “You don’t trust us? I promise we’re not gonna judge. Please, please, please”

“It’s not about that” You sighed, but her excitement to know your past was endearing, “I just find it depressing to talk about”

“Well. That’s what we’re here for. How can you move on if you avoid it forever?” Jamie sat up, blanket wrapped around her, and Minnie even shifted closer to you. This felt nice…to have friends here, in a city you couldn’t call home yet.

She was right. The past shouldn’t be your vulnerability. You sighed, staring inside your empty cup, “Well, then I’m gonna need a hell of a lot more ice cream”

“Um, so this is about the guy you mentioned right? The one you had lost touch with?”

You knew you’d be asked this story one day. You had to tell this without naming names. You couldn’t compromise Hyunjin like that. To them, it would just be a guy from your town, not an idol, not someone famous. You curled up your legs, ripping open the plastic of the brand new strawberry ice-cream tub, “I don’t know where to start honestly. It’s kind of a long story, but…um, I had this crazy crush on a boy in my town. He was really cute. He was kind, and funny, and…really really fucking hot” 

Minnie and Jamie laughed at that, eager ears as you continued, “I didn’t think anything would happen between us, because I thought he was into my best friend. Turns out he wasn’t. Me and him ended up kissing one night, it was romantic as hell. I kind of felt like…the main character in those coming-of-age 90s films. Because he was…so old-fashioned in a way? But also, really modern. He’s so romantic” You paused to breathe and all those memories are flooding back, “I was in this…pretty satin dress, and he was in a suit, with like a cropped jacket, and really cool pants. They fit him so well” 

Minnie lived in a high-rise building, and from here, the city lights blinked in the distance, golden specks lighting up the horizon. The memory flooded through you, clear as day. Two people under the night sky, surrounded by mountains on all sides. He had shown you the stars and the sky. You remember telling him that stars would remind you of him now. He had held you in his arms, and imprinted his words into your soul, “And when I look at the city lights…I’ll think of you”

Was he thinking of you now?

The city lights were brighter than ever. 

“Holy shit. Where did he take you on a date to? The Met Gala?” Jamie laughed, “I didn’t know guys our age even wear suits other than to funerals”

“No, it wasn’t a date date. It was just a fancy event in the town” Maybe you had terrible storytelling skills, because nothing made sense and it was all jumbled up, but they were listening intently so you continued anyway. No words could convey your first kiss with him. No sentences could capture your emotions, the lust, the love. 

“But after that kiss, he regret it immediately. He wasn’t really looking for a relationship. Despite that we kept kissing, over and over…and we didn’t stop. It became a thing, I don’t really know what we were doing” You smiled softly, staring at the skyscraper lights from their window, a kaleidoscope of inappropriate memories projected on the glass. You lost your words, blaming your imagination for the way a film reel of those moments was cast onto the windows. Maybe you really were going crazy, staring at the glass, and seeing him touching you in the reflection. Heat rushed to your face, like your dirtiest thoughts were out on display, but Jamie and Minnie were quiet, and this was all in your head anyway. You took a larger serving of the ice-cream this time, the creamy texture melting on your tongue, “I guess that’s when I realised I was absolutely, insanely in love with him, but… then he had to leave”

“Leave for what? The military?” Minnie’s eyes were wide. Jamie shushed her, “Wait, let her talk babe. You can ask your questions later”

“No, not the military, just for his work, and then…” Then came the hard part of this story, “And then he blocked me. For a few months. I don’t know why” 

They frowned, but they didn’t interrupt you, “I saw him in a shop downtown, and he completely walked past me at first…he ignored me. But when we met later, he kissed me. Then he told me he could never see me again” It sounded crazy told all together like this. It didn’t sound like your life. It sounded like a story from some tacky relationship podcast Jeonghan would listen to, but it was the truth. Their eyes were wide as you finished, and you stared at them, feeling naked and vulnerable, “That’s the gist of it”

“He sounds like an asshole” Jamie mumbled, pouring herself another drink. Your gaze shot up to hers. “Is thatwhat I’d made him seem like? That wasn’t my intention. He’s not an asshole, he’s…really nice”

Minnie frowned, “Yeah. No nice guy would do that to someone he cares about”

They didn’t know he was an idol, and they couldn’t know, so it was frustrating that they’d never understand all of it. How could they have guessed that it was forbidden for Hyunjin to love you?

“Honestly that sounds really fucked up. If he actually gave a shit about you, he wouldn’t have ghosted you in the first place, and then he had the nerve to kiss you? God, men are such dicks. As soon he had enough of the sex, he dropped you?”

They didn’t know all the nice things he’d said to you, or the nice things he’d done for you. You shook your head, “No, guys… it wasn’t just about the physical—”

“Did he ever tell you he loved you?”

You swallowed, “No…”

“And he told you he doesn’t do relationships” Jamie scoffed, “That’s what my friend’s ex was like. He said the same thing, and next year he got fucking married to another girl. This boy you’re telling us about…he’s obviously not going to be single forever, especially if he’s as nice as you say he is. If he actually saw any future with you, Y/N, he would have told you”

Minnie sighed, and it seemed like this very specific conversation about you had escalated into a hatred of most men, “It sounds like a fucked up situationship, and babe… if you give him so much importance it’ll only hurt you. He used you, because you’re so fucking nice. Not that that’s your fault, but…he’s just like every guy I know. They like the thrill of the chase, and when they actually get the girl, they’re bored of her”

A fucked up situationship? Maybe that’s what it actually was. Hyunjin had clearly stated that what you and him had only existed in Daejon. Here you were, calling it destiny, stupidly. Your vision became blurry as tears shot up to your eyes, and it was pathetic because you weren’t even drunk, you were just sad and loaded on strawberry ice-cream, “He’s not like that” 

“Why are you defending him?”

You knew they were wrong. Obviously they were wrong, but is that what this seemed like to the outside world? That Hyunjin used you? Because you were easy…and nice? 

Minnie reached out to touch your shoulder, comfortingly squeezing it, “You can do so much better than him, Y/N. From everything you said… he just sounds manipulative as hell”

You put the empty ice cream cup away, “Yeah” You mumbled, “So…what am I supposed to do now?”

“Get yourself out there! Go on dates. Kiss every guy in Seoul if you want to, if that makes you happy. You’re… fucking amazing. Are you seriously going to wait around for a guy who isn’t even trying for you?”

You’ve never been a casual person, but maybe that is what you need now. You’re done with world-shattering true loves. Even Hyunjin had casually been with girls before you, and the thought stung you that he might even be with girls after you. He only had an issue with relationships…and that’s why he’d pushed you away, because he couldn’t give you one. There’d be thousands of other girls who’d be willing to be with him - no label, no expectations, just sex. Yeah, you did need to get yourself out there. How bad could it be?

»»————-

The text said, Meet at eight.

It’s half past, and your date is not here.

You’d dressed yourself in a tight black dress, very revealing and you could hardly breathe. It was from a fancy store in your neighbourhood, and it was far too expensive, but it’d be worth it for tonight. You did your hair in a style Hana had taught you, and you haven’t dolled up like this in a long, long while. The last time you dressed yourself this much…was for the Paint and Wine event in the Château. Tonight is a first for you and you want to make a real good impression. 

Although, it’s been more than thirty minutes and your date hasn’t shown up. You were sitting at the bar, getting anxious and impatient. Looking around, the place was full, everybody seemed to be on a date, and nobody’s looking at you. Nobody was looking for you. You’re only a little mortified, and the best case scenario is…that he got the timing wrong, or that he got busy and decided this wasn’t worth his time. Minnie told you he’s working, so he obviously has a more hectic schedule than yours. The worst case? That he saw you and left.

“Can I get you anything?” The bartender asked, leaning over the wooden bar, “You’ve been here a while…”

“I’m waiting for somebody to show up. A date…” You explained, and understanding settled into his features. He headed back to the rest of his customers, and you wonder if he’s going to gossip about the poor stood-up girl at the bar. They must see this a lot everyday. This bar seems fancy, your blind date suggested you meet here so he seems like a man with good standards. There’s a dance floor and blaring Latin music, which brings in most of the crowd. You texted Minnie, um am i at the right bar?

shit he’s not there yet?

You decided to order a drink so tonight isn’t useless after all, and you browsed through the flimsy, paper menu. It’s got stains of ketchup on it, and it’s gross but it reminds you that you hadn’t ate in hours. You wanted to be able to fit into this dress and to leave enough room for dinner with him. Your eyes caught sight of the familiar names of drinks that Hyunjin had wanted to make you but didn’t have the ingredients for. You ended up choosing a Tequila Sunrise instead. You don’t really want to taste an Italian Dolce Vita and discover what you missed out on that last night in Daejon with him.

An hour has passed now. You were most definitely stood-up, but you’re stubborn so you would stay until the end of tonight, and if he ever did show up you’d forgive your date in a second. Your drink was empty, you’d chugged it to calm your nerves. Your napkin was soggy, and the other couples who sat at the bar have already made their way to second base: the dance floor where they’re grinding up against each other. You have resorted to playing with the condensation drops on your glass, observing the way the water falls onto the countertop.

A blind date was how this had all started, back in the bowling alley, so why were you getting yourself into it again? Maybe you should have more dignity, and walk away right now, but you were so desperate. If you leave tonight, you’d never work up the courage again to go on a date, and you need this more than anything. You feel so stupid, and maybe Hana’s actions that past summer actually make sense anyway. You would do anything to forget Hyunjin. You’d date …almost anybody to get over him. Even if it’s a guy who kept you waiting for an hour by yourself. 

“Hey. Um. Are you Y/N?” An unfamiliar voice asked. You turned around to see a boy in a maroon button-up. He’s finally here, and your heart calms a little because he’s actually cute. All Minnie had said about him was that he was smart and funny, so it’s a relief that he’s easy on the eyes too. He looked older than you, and he’s got kind eyes and curly hair. Although it’s a bit off-putting that he’s wearing a baseball cap indoors. It felt like you’re both dressed for different occasions, but you are not going to complain. No matter what happens tonight, you can’tcomplain. This isn’t the time to be picky. It’s the time to take whatever life throws at you, because clearly that’s the only way you’re going to find somebody genuinely interested in you.

“Hey, Kang-min, right?” You forced a smile at him, and suddenly you’re so nervous. This is the first real date you’ve ever been on in ages. 

The boy took the empty barstool next to you, and eyed your glass, “Sorry I was late, I had a friend emergency. I hope you’re not drunk already. That’d be mean”

You smiled, watching the way he sat so comfortably like this was routine for him, “It was just one drink. Don’t worry, I just came here too” Just a little white lie so he wouldn’t feel too guilty.

His eyes flickered over your dress, falling to your cleavage, “Did you buy that just for me?”

It was so forward that it caught you off guard. Your eyes widened, and you don’t want to give away how much tonight could possibly mean to you. So you said, “Um. Depends. Do you like it?”

He laughed, gaze on your bare legs and thighs, shamelessly checking you out, “Guess you’ll find out”

You don’t really know what to say so you smile at him, hoping he also likes the shade of red lipstick you’re wearing. He looks around the place, catching a feel for it, and then back at you. He looked at the bartender, snapping his fingers to catch his attention and ordered a drink for himself. A large beer. Tasteful. He looked at you and asked, “So…what’s your damage, pretty?”

“Sorry?”

His drink arrived pretty fast, and he lift the large glass to his lips. In a single go, he finished all of it, and you’re surprised at how fast he drank this. He had foam on his upper lip as he said, “You agreed to go on a blind date. Your last relationship must have been seriously fucked up”

You hoped you masqueraded your frown, “I just wanted to try something new”

“Right…makes sense” He tsked, “So my friend told me you’re an artist”

You smiled, relieved the conversation steered in a direction you were familiar with, “Yup. I study at a studio in the city. It’s an art program under this artist--”

He interrupted you, “I hear artists infamously make almost no money, but I mean you’re living in Seoul. You must be pretty well off” He pointed at you, almost accusatory, a grin on his face, “Let me guess, rich parents. Trust fund. Private school education”

You shook your head, a little offended and surprised that he made such an assumption in five minutes of knowing you, “No. I…I worked a couple of years and saved up for this”

He called the bartender again, to order a second beer and seemed surprised, “That takes some serious hustle. Why art then? You could’ve picked anything in the world”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…not to offend anyone, but there’s no money in art. What’s the point of it then?”

“Um…” You laughed, nervously. You realised that you’ve never been asked this question before. Most people in your life knew you since birth, and never questioned your passion for it, “It’s just what I like to do. It makes me really happy to paint beautiful things—”

“So you don’t paint about real shit?”

“Sorry?”

“I think my personal pet peeve is when people pretend the world is so great and lovely, even though everything’s so fucked up. Seems like you look at the world with rose-tinted glasses, if you only like to paint all the nice, pretty things, and not something that actually matters”

“I think art can be about everything, and that’s the beauty of it. It doesn’t always have to make a social statement, but it can always be interpreted as such. Some art is just about capturing the beauty of our world, and that’s okay too” You forced a smile, wanting to get the heat off you, “Um so you never told me… What do you do?”

He looked at you over the rim of his glass, “I’m a pharmacy tech. In short; I make important phone calls, and deal with horribly annoying people”

So that’s why Minnie said he was smart, “Oh…that must have taken a lot of studying”

“Yeah. Not everyone can do it, but somebody has to” He laughed, “I stepped up. I make good money though. So, um, aren’t you going to get another drink, Y/N or are you a lightweight?”

“I’m good” You smiled, although you were hungry as fuck because you’d been waiting for him so long, “Maybe we could order the food now?”

“Here?” He chuckled, “It’s really not worth it, I only come here for the beer. You didn’t get dinner before this?”

“I…I thought we’d eat together”

He laughed, pushing his curls out of his face, “No, I’d rather get drunk with you…and we can dance”

You looked to the dance floor which smelled of sweat and other things you don’t want to think of, “Maybe we could just talk more. I’ll just get another drink then”

He smiled, then looked at the bartender, “A beer for the lady”

“Actually, I might get wine” 

His eyes narrowed, and he chuckled, “Oh. Let me guess. You want the most expensive one, right?”

You blinked, “Um…no I’m okay with any. The cheapest one is fine too”

He laughed, throwing his head back, “No wine is cheap, pretty. ”

“I can pay for it” You offered. Ugh. You wanted him to like you so bad. 

“No, no, you’re out with me. You should have a real drink” He went ahead and ordered a beer for you. He probably thought you were the most boring girl in this entire city, so you agreed. You needed tonight to go well. Obviously, he wasn’t anything like Hyunjin, but no one could be. If you compared every boy to him, you’d never find anybody. So this would have to do. You sipped on the beer, and it tasted bitter and so horrible, but you swallowed anyway, shooting him a smile. You’d been miserable for long, you needed to let go, and have fun. You could be that kind of girl.

He grinned, reaching forward to grab your thigh, fingers clawing against your skin, “You’re cute”

You were distracted by the suddenness of his touch, and you laughed, nervously, “Thank you. You’re cute too. I like your piercings”

“Yeah?” He tilt his head, smirking, “You’re like the tenth girl to say that to me. I must be doing something right”

You didn’t have much experience with first dates... was it always this fucking awkward? His hand was inching closer up your thigh. You shifted away slightly, hoping he wouldn’t notice. Sure, he was attractive, but you weren’t attracted to him yet. It was too soon. 

“So…you said you’re late because of a friend emergency? What was it?” You wanted hoping to keep the conversation going, and to keep it interesting. You wanted to know more about him. 

“Ugh. Do not remind me” He rolled his eyes.

“Sorry” You apologised, “Is your friend okay?”

“Nope. He ran out of some weed, so I had to run down and get some for him. Even though he knew I had a date tonight and hot girls rank higher in priority than weed”

“Oh…you seem like a good friend”

He was a perfectly cute boy, why couldn’t you let loose? Just because you’d been attracted to Hyunjin from the first time you saw him, did not mean it’d happen with everybody else. That kind of shit was once in a lifetime, and if you started expecting those sparks from every future relationship, you’d be lonely forever. But all you could wish for was him. The way he was around you, how he talked to you… the way your body was on fire when he so much as breathed near you. The thought choked you. There was no way you’d be hung up on him forever. You had to move on. It had to be as fast as possible, and tonight should be it. How often would a guy agree to go on a date with you anyway? 

So, when his hand landed on your thigh again, and slipped under the hem of your dress, you didn’t stop him. You forced a smile, hoping somehow your body would cooperate, and you’d actually start enjoying it. His nails were long, digging into your upper thigh, inching closer to your underwear. 

“Maybe we could play a drinking game or something. To get to know each other better” You suggested. 

“Okay” He agreed, pulling his bar stool closer and leaned in, “Name of the last guy you fucked”

Your eyes widened, “Whoa. You’re getting right to it…” What game was this? Why would he want to know that anyway?

He tilt his head, smirking, “Don’t stall. You have fucked, right?”

Oh… So he just wanted to know if you were a virgin. “Yeah. I have” You tried to change the topic, trying not to feel disgusted at this implication, “Isn’t it my turn to ask you something now? I mean…according to the game”

Kangmin smiled, lazily, running a hand through his curls, “You’re…already playing pretty hard to get though. We’ll have plenty of time to know each other. My place is pretty close. We’ve got all night.” 

So…he probably only picked this bar because he lived close by. Maybe this was his way of flirting with you, or you ended up going on a date with the worst guy in Korea. This was how the rest of your life would be? He leaned in closer to you, and his breath reeked of beer, and you realised in horror that he wanted to kiss you. You couldn’t. You moved away, before his lips could touch yours, hoping your unease would disappear, “Sorry. I’m nervous”

He hummed, almost taking this as a challenge, hand sliding under your dress completely, “A few more drinks then?”

You felt nauseous, instead of turned on. God, what the fuck were you doing here. This was a mistake. You couldn’t do this. “Actually. I’m just…gonna run to the bathroom for a minute” You grabbed your purse. 

He sat up straighter, a smirk on his lips, “Oh? That’s where you want to take this?"

Your eyes widened at his implication, “What? No…I…I just need to go”

“Oh” He looked disappointed, and a little confused, like he couldn’t comprehend why you wouldn’t want to fuck him in a random club bathroom. 

You got up, making your way through the dance floor. When you looked back, he was already ordering another beer for the two of you. You shouldn’t have agreed to this date. You don’t know what you expected. It had surely helped Hana, but she moved on from Yeonjun with Hyunjin. Of course that helped her. For their date, he took her to the coolest Japanese restaurant in Daejon, and a part of you thought tonight could be like that. Of course it couldn’t. That was her. That was him. This was all you. 

It was freezing outside, and there was an alley of smokers right at the exit. Mostly old men, and some younger girls, blowing puffs of smoke into your face as you passed them. You leaned against the brick wall, trying to book a cab, but to your luck, there were none available. Your first instinct was to text Yeonjun, but he was on a work retreat, as far as you remember. Although Jeonghan… had told you he was going to be out in the city today. If he was close enough…maybe he could help you get home. You dialled his number.

“Y/N! how’s it going?” He asked, and then immediately said, “Wait, if you’re calling me in the middle of your date that means—”

“Can you come pick me up? Please. There’s no taxis” You blurted. A few of the smokers were eyeing you up, and you covered your chest with your arms, stepping away from their cloud of smoke, “And um…I don’t feel comfortable taking the train back alone”

He paused, “Uhh…you’re at the bar downtown?” 

“Yeah…I know it’s out of the way. I’m really sorry to bother you, I just—”

“I’m on my way, Y/N. Don’t apologise”

You squeezed your eyes shut in relief. You tried to catch your breath, but there was no fresh air here. Minutes passed so slowly, and you were shivering against the brick wall. Everytime a guy approached you, you just pretended to be on your phone, hoping Jeonghan would be here soon. The back door to the club opened, and your blind date, Kang-min stepped out. He walked straight to you, and he looked…really pissed. You straightened up, watching him get closer. “What the fuck?” He laughed, “I was waiting for you to come back”

“I…I’m sorry” You apologised, “I was feeling sick”

He seemed upset, “You didn’t even pay for your drink”

“Oh. I’m sorry. I just—” You reached into your purse, but just as you did, you spotted Jeonghan on the other side of the street. When he saw you, he did a little jog up to you.

You looked back at Kang-min, “I have to go. My friend is here”

“What?” Your blind date asked, stepping closer.

“Whoa, whoa. Back off, dude" Jeonghan made it to you, eyes narrowed at him, “Let’s go, Y/N” He grabbed your hand, pulling you to his side.

Kang-min laughed, “Whatever. You aren’t even that hot, bitch”

Before you could say anything, Jeonghan tugged at your hand, taking you away from a possible confrontation, “Come on, the subway is close by”

“Fuck. Shit. I’m really sorry” You apologised, running your hands through your hair, trying to process what you just put yourself through. You followed behind him as you walked to the nearest station. He shook his head, making sure you stayed close to him, “No, no don’t be. I’m sorry it took me so long. I missed this stop at first”

Technically, you could have taken the train home yourself, but it was late and…you were in the worst mood. Jeonghan bought the tickets, and you waited at the platform, squeezing your purse in your hands. A little bakery was still open at the station, and he asked, “You already ate dinner, right?”

“Yeah. Let’s just go home” You mumbled. He did not need to know that your supposed fancy dinner date consisted of only cheap beer. You could have some cold pizza when you got home. The train arrived, and you boarded it, standing next to him in a corner, away from the crowd. You were so fucking embarrassed, but he wasn’t judging you.

So no more blind dates for you then… or perhaps it was a work in progress, and you would just have to keep powering through. It wasn’t Minnie’s fault either, she had no idea about the guy being…such an asshole. You stared out at the window as the train whizzed by stations, trying to not feel so sorry for yourself. Jeonghan asked you about the blind date, and you told him the gist of it.

He shook his head, releasing a groan, “That sounds really annoying, sorry. It sucks that most guys I know here are all like that. I’m surprised he even let you leave”

You swallowed, “Yeah. Were you busy when I called?”

“I was just working on an assignment”

“Oh, I’m sorry”

“I’m obviously kidding” He laughed, “It’s a Saturday night, I was at a party at my friends’”

“Oh. Is he gonna be mad you left?”

“It doesn’t matter. I told him my friend needed help getting out of a date. He totally understood. This happens here more than you think, unfortunately” 

Your place wasn’t too far from the bar, and you arrived sooner than you thought. Jeonghan even chose to walk you home, not wanting you to take any deserted alleys on your own. You stopped in front of your building, and he asked you, “You gonna be fine?”

You blew a puff of cold air, leaning against the front wall, “Yeah. I just…I don’t think I should have gone on the date”

He tucked a stray hair behind your ear, smiling at you, “At least you have a funny story to tell the kids”

You scoffed, “What kids? At this rate, I’m going to die alone”

“You’re dramatic. I’m sure the other dates you go on will be better. Hopefully”

“Yeah…” You already dreaded the idea of going on more dates, “I just thought…it’d help me not be stuck in the past, you know? Or maybe the only thing that can help me is that potion from the movie you were telling me about. Eternal Sunshine, was it?”

Jeonghan laughed loudly, “It’s not a potion, Y/N! It’s a science fiction movie, not fantasy”

You rolled your eyes, smiling, “Whatever”

“Maybe we can get you on a dating app. If you’re looking to casually mess around with a decent guy, those are good. It requires more effort, but…some guys are sweet. At least better than the blind date you had”

You smiled, “Hmm. Are you on a dating app?”

“Why? Would you swipe on me, if you saw me on one?” He sounded so coy.

Your eyes flickered over him. Under the lights on the street where you lived, Jeonghan looked pretty. He looked safe. Tonight he was dressed in a simple white tee, a flannel covering him, hanging off one shoulder. You smiled, a flush rising to your cheeks, “No but seriously, thanks for…rescuing me tonight”

“Mmh, that was very damsel in distress of you to call me like that” 

You smiled up at him, “Don’t push it”

“I’m just surprised you actually agreed to go on a date. Minnie and her girlfriend must have had some magical convincing powers”

You sighed, “I thought kissing somebody else would help me. Maybe I should have just let him kiss me, but I might have thrown up if he did. Tonight…was an absolute failure.”

Jeonghan let out a soft hum at your words, “I see”

“What?” You frowned, standing up straighter.

“Ah. Don’t pout. Wasn’t a total failure. I got to see you all dressed up. You’re usually showing up to class in just sweats”

“Are you making fun of my heartbreak?” You laughed, pushing him lightly.

He stumbled back on the curb, laughing, “And are you trying to kill me? Don’t push me onto the road, Y/N!”

You giggled, pulling him back on the sidewalk, “There’s no cars, Jeonghan. You’re so dramatic”

He frowned, throwing his hands up, “I was just saying that if you want to kiss someone tonight. I…wouldn’t be totally opposed to the idea.” 

He floated that suggestion so casually. Your eyes widened at it, and you didn’t know what to make of it, “You’re…joking, right?”

He shrugged, and there was no nervousness, “If your big dream of tonight was to kiss some guy…I mean, you’re my friend. It’s not a big deal”

“So a pity kiss?” You frowned, but a smile tugged at your lips.

He rolled his eyes, “Oh my god. If you don’t want a kiss, then just—”

You didn’t let him finish, stepping ahead, hand grabbing his face down to yours. Your mouth met his, if only to shut him up. He immediately kissed you back, hands threading through your hair, messing up your fancy hair. His lips were rough, but it was nice…because it was different. That’s exactly what you wanted right now, a taste of something new and unfamiliar. Maybe you were trying to prove something by kissing him. He stepped ahead to be closer, and tilt his head, deepening the kiss. Your breath hitched in your throat, and you pulled away. It only lasted a few seconds.

He pulled back too, mouth stained from your lipstick, “Mm. That wasn’t too bad”

You stared up at him, “You’re so annoying”

He hummed, voice breathy, “Your lips are really soft, Y/N. What lip balm do you use?”

You sighed, “I should have just pushed you on the street”

“Ouch. I just gave you a pity kiss and you have the audacity to threaten me?”

“Shut up!” You laughed, shoving him away. You were thankful he didn’t make this awkward and didn’t read into it.

“No, I’m serious. It was really, really good. You’re a great kisser…but I should tell you, and this is really important…”

“Yes…?”

“You taste like cheap beer”

“Ugh…I know” You closed your eyes, feeling tiredness seep into your limbs, “Anyway, I should go”

He nodded at you, “Yup. See you in class tomorrow”

You waved goodbye, making your way up to your apartment, feeling the sensation of his lips on yours still. The kiss was nice…but there was nothing electric about it. It was nothing like what it could be. It’s like you’d taken one step forward, and two steps back. Tonight was all about moving on, but everything that happened had just made you miss Hyunjin more.

»»————-

This time, you bought the coffee. You found a cute table, over by the window, and you waited. Your earphones were plugged in, but it’s on mute, and you’re choosing to listen to the sounds of the cafe instead. The cafe you discovered with your friends was so cute. Plants hung from every corner, and there was cool seating; couches with crochet pillows and pink heart-shaped seats. It had so much personality, and it fuelled your inspiration. It could be your new haven.

The chair opposite you shifted, and Kairi sat down. “There you are. I’m dying for some caffeine” She smiled, cherry-colored lips. She was dressed in a fleece bomber jacket. You shot her a smile, trying to not be nervous, “Hey… Did you want a Mocha? I wasn’t sure if you’d like the same as last time”

“Americano” She told you, settling comfortably like you did this each day. She had been so sweet to you even in the few moments you had with her. She was a breath of fresh air. So, after your failure of a date, you had finally texted her back, and decided to let her into your life. Maybe you could immerse yourself into your new friendships, and you could move on like that. When you were standing in line to buy her coffee, you glanced in her direction and she was smiling at you, fondly. She hadn’t seemed upset that you didn’t text her back for so long. You wondered how much she knew about you, how much Hyunjin told her, or even Chan. 

When you walked back to the table with coffee and snacks, you feared there might not be anything to talk about if she already has existing assumptions of you, but once your conversation started…it didn’t end.

“So you’ve only been here a few weeks right?” Kairi was sipping on her coffee, a plate of half-eaten biscuits laid between you. From here, you had a perfect view of the street and it looked Parisian. It’s good for people-watching, but right now, Kairi’s the most interesting thing here, “You seem like you’re settling in well”

“I think so. I’ve lost track” You answered her, reaching for a biscuit, “I moved here in the fall, and it’s almost winter now, but it also feels like no time has passed”

“You’re so lucky” She hummed. 

You lift an eyebrow, “Why?”

“I’ve always had this crazy dream, to move somewhere new. A place where people would have absolutely no idea who I am. I could have a new name, new job” She laughed, “Like a secret identity”

“Why would you want that?”

She shrugged, wiping biscuit crumbs off her mouth, “I’m curious to see what kind of person I might be in another country… if I’d behave differently, if I’d have different reactions to situations…if I’d have the same kind of friends, or job”

“Oh…wow” You blinked, “You’ve actually thought it through”

“Well, yes” She shook her head, smiling, “You did start over. How’s that been for you, Y/N?"

You leaned back in your seat, it’s a plush leather and pink in color. In this moment, it doesn’t feel like this is the first real conversation you’re having with her, “It’s harder in practice, Kairi. I think your baggage ends up following you everywhere”

She leaned forward, and her eyes were sparkling, “No, but what if it didn’t? What if you could have…a clean slate? What would you do, Y/N?”

“What would I do….?” You’re left wondering. In a way, Seoul was your clean slate, but you’ve let it be tainted by your sadness, “I think I’d move to Paris…or a big city like Milan. I would…have a cool, catchy name, and I’d dye my hair a crazy color”

Kairi laughed, “Really? And what would you do in a city so big?”

“I don’t know. I would love to set up those little stalls at crowded places like the Eiffel Tower, and paint tourists, capturing them at their happiest. People are always so carefree on their vacations, and they’re always dressed their best. Even if I don’t make much money doing their portraits…I’d kill to give them a beautiful memory, something they could hang on their fridge door or something, you know what I mean? It’s not ambitious at all but man, I could imagine doing that for years and enjoying it”

Kairi was smiling wide, eyes crinkling as you talked, and you suddenly felt embarrassed for the way you’d been rambling, “Um sorry. I don’t know what came over me. That’s not what you asked”

This was strange because…you haven’t felt excited like this in a long while. You felt inspired. It’s as if something has changed, just from her presence. She put you at ease. 

“No, you’re so cute. Your dreams are beautifully simplistic” She told you, and you almost blushed.

“What would you do, Kairi? If you could be anyone in the world?” You had a newfound vigor and energy, only from this conversation alone. Was it really so simple to find motivation? 

“I would move to the countrysides of Japan…or an island in Hawaii. Somewhere away from people. It would be nice to have so much time for myself, and not be surrounded by millions of others”

Your heart warmed hearing her talk, “We want the exact opposite things. That’s kind of funny. You should move to Daejon”

Kairi laughed, “Hyunjin told me it was beautiful”

Your smile fell, momentarily, and you nodded, “It is. Yeah. What else did he tell you…about me?”

Her lips parted, to answer, but before she could, your phone buzzed loudly on the table.

“Who is that?” She asked. You looked up at her in surprise. “Sorry” She apologised, cheeky, “I’m nosy like that”

“It’s my neighbour” You told her, reading Jeongin’s text, “Apparently he locked himself out. He needs help getting back in”

She frowned, “That’s annoying”

“Yeah, he’s always helping me get in, like every second day…” You told her, typing in a reply to tell Jeongin you’d be there soon.

Kairi sat up straighter, a sad pout on her face, “I guess that means you have to leave”

“Yeah. Shit” You realised, “I’m sorry. I would like to stay more—”

She reached across the table, grabbing your hand, and you noticed she’s wearing a charm bracelet, similar to one you had, “Don’t worry about it. You’ll just have to make it up to me then”

You tilt your head, “How?”

“Same time. Tomorrow”

You smiled at her eagerness, “Um…I’m not sure if I’ll be free, Kairi. I might have class…”

She squeezed your hand, “Regardless, I’ll be here. I have some work on my laptop…and I prefer to work out here, so…”

And that was it.

You rushed home to Jeongin, helping him get into the building, and he was intensely apologetic of cutting your plan short. He’d been standing on the porch steps, hands in his pockets, and a sheepish smile on his face, “Shit. I ruined your day, didn’t I?”

You shook your head, inserting your keys into the doorknob, “Not at all. I wasn’t going to let you stand out here in the cold. And are we still in the 18th century? You should talk to Mr. Kwon and have digital keypads put in or something. He loves you, so he’d listen to you”

He watched you from where he stood, arms crossed over his chest, “What happened today?”

You glanced back at him, “Sorry?”

“You haven’t had a proper conversation with me in days”

You stilled, not realising that you’d done so, you hadn’t meant to be so flippant, “Jeongin, I’m sorry, I…”

“You don’t need to apologise. It’s good. I like it. You seem chatty today”

You smiled, “Um. I just met a friend for coffee”

“Ah. Is that all it takes to win your heart?” 

You rolled your eyes, “Stop…”

“Is it the same friend that dropped you off the other day? That boy?”

Your eyes widened, “How do you know that? Have you been spying on me”

“You wish” He walked past you on the stairs, “That was an awkward kiss, Y/N. Haven’t your friends in the city taught you anything yet?” 

You gasped, following up after him, “What do you mean it was awkward?”

Jeongin laughed, stopping in front of his apartment door, “I’m kidding. Is that dude your boyfriend?”

You hugged your bag, leaning against the stairwell, “No… he’s just my friend from class”

Jeongin smiled, “I see…well, if you ever wanna hang out with someone not from your class…” He pointed to his door, “My doorbell’s right here”

Then he left, and you stood at the stairwell, a soft smile on your face. 

»»————-

The table by the window with the heart-shaped chairs was occupied. Kairi sat on one side, laptop before her, a cup of tea and a gochujang sandwich with the meat spilled out. The chair opposite her was empty, for you. She didn’t see you when you walked in, too busy typing super fast on the laptop. “No coffee today?” You asked, sitting down. 

She seemed surprised, cheeks dimpling as she smiled at you, looking away from her work, “You made it. How was class?”

You hung your scarf over the back of the pink seat, glancing outside. It could have been a beautiful afternoon, if the weather weren’t so dreary. “It was just work in studio time... I left early.”

“You’re kidding me. I feel special” She grinned, eyebrows raising teasingly. She is special. There’s something about her that’s changed the energy in you, making you get out of bed today.

“I didn’t want to keep you waiting” You admitted, folding your arms on the little table, “And I thought we could pick up where we left off. I was wondering about it all night”

“Hmm, right. You can text me too, you know?” She leaned forward, head in her hands, “You asked me a question yesterday. You still want to know?”

You’d asked her what Hyunjin had said about you, and you swallowed. Immediately there’s a damper in your mood, “I…I was just really curious, because…” What if he talked shit about you? What if all she knew about you were your flaws? Your gut hurt and you shook your head, “Actually, I don’t want to know, never mind”

She sensed the drop in you, “Don’t worry about that. You’re mine to know now”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…I want to know you on my own terms. Not through secondhand stories of your personality. We don’t need to talk about him, at all”

It’s like a weight lifted off your chest, “We don’t…?”

You don’t want your friendship with her to stem from Hyunjin, because…Hyunjin has given up on you. He’s lost all hope for the two of you, and you can’t let that taint this new beginning. In an ideal world, you could erase him from your mind, and nothing would be tainted by the beauty of his existence. He’s ruined everything for you, because the happiness of nothing can compare to him. 

You want the exclusivity of her. She wants to know you without the attached drama of broken hearts. You also want to know the real Kairi, without Chan, and it seems like she wants to know you too, without Hyunjin. 

“We don’t have to ever talk about him, if you don’t want to. I don’t want to spend all our time talking about boys anyway” She smiled, and it’s a relief. Your shoulders relax. You don’t want to relive the past like you did with Minnie and Jamie. 

You smiled too, “Well anyway…I see that you’re having tea today”

She laughed, a pleasant sound that calmed you, “Well, if we’re going to be doing this everyday, I have to start being more healthy”

“Everyday…?”

A single cup of coffee turned into a week’s worth. A week turned into a month, and quickly, it became obvious that she was your favourite person to hang out with in the city. Yeonjun was there, but he was different. Jeonghan and Minnie were closer to you everyday, but you only talked about art. Kairi and you talked about everything, and anything. Anything except him. She told you about her work, about the drama and the gossip with her coworkers. You told her about the movies Felix used to drag you to, and the music that played on repeat in Aera’s. You hadn’t made time for a movie since forever, so one day, she took you to the theater and instead of your routine coffee, you had soda.

You like to sketch while you talk, and she sits across you, finishing up her work. Her corporate job is tough, but you keep each other entertained. Your art still isn’t too inspired. You’re struggling, and you come home to an empty bed each night. There’s nights you get lost in the memories of summer, and there are mornings when you wake up from dreams of him. Sweet dreams. Dirty dreams. Beautiful, out-of reach dreams. In your dreams, he’s yours still.

All your afternoon naps remind you of him. Something about the sunlight, the warm wooden floors and you have an urge to be in his arms. So you stop sleeping during the day. In the moonlight and secrecy of your bed, you still touch yourself to thoughts of only one boy. You can’t help it.

All of the people who said time heals all wounds, were actually right. Each day, the burden is less. It feels like you were inching closer and closer to a state of not just being heartbroken. You had your moments though, like when Jeonghan would take you home after class, the skyscrapers would reflect onto the train windows, and you’d think of how prettier the blinding lights would be through Hyunjin’s eyes. Your own couldn’t capture the beauty he could see.

There’d be moments -- when someone in the coffee shop would order a vanilla iced latte with whipped cream and sprinkles, and your heart would skip a beat, wondering if he’d be on the other end of the counter to take it. But of course, Hyunjin could never walk into a crowded coffee shop in the middle of Seoul.  

On the other hand…Kairi and you are closer every day. The day you invited her to your apartment, she met Jeongin on the staircase, and she fawned over how contagious his smile was. She picked you up from the Atelier one day, and bumped into your friends from class, and she loved them too. She can be intimidating sometimes, with her classy clothes, bold personality…but she has endless love to give to everyone, and she’s not a fan of keeping it hidden. You love that the most about her. It’s easy to be happier around her. You wonder how her and Chan ever made it work. A love like theirs shouldn’t be behind closed doors. 

On a Thursday afternoon, you were none the wiser when she told you, “So…my birthday’s next week”

You spilled your coffee at the revelation, staring up at her in shock, “You’re telling me now?”

Her eyes widened at the reaction, and she pulled out a tissue from the dispenser to wipe the table clean as she laughed, “Why not?”

“That’s…not enough time”

“For?”

“I have to buy you a present”

She giggled, “A present? You don’t need to, Y/N”

You scoffed, and you’re so much more comfortable around her now, “I kind of have an obsessive problem when it comes to birthdays”

She shook her head, “You really don’t need to get me anything. Some of my friends from work are throwing a party, and I’d like you to be there. Obviously”

“A party?”

She smiled, “It’ll be fun. You can invite Jeonghan too. It won’t be too big a thing, but I’m guessing there’s gonna be a lot of plus-ones”

“Where is it?”

She smiled, sipping her coffee in between. She’d given up on tea after the first time, “So…there are these campgrounds outside Seoul. It’s a few hours from the city, it’s alongside the bank of the Han River. There’s a lot of…outdoorsy shit there, volleyball courts, barbecue grills, some cabins if anyone wants to stay overnight, canoes. I was thinking it’d be nice to go there.

“That…sounds amazing actually”

“I don’t know what to wear yet. Everybody’s going to be in swimsuits, since the river’s right there and my friends all love to go out on it, skinny dip and everything”

“Oh wow” You blinked, and Kairi’s friends sound as free-spirited as her, “Maybe…I could help you choose what to wear?”

She clapped her hands, a wide smile on her face and you love seeing her like this, “Perfect. I know what we’re doing tomorrow”

»»————-

The curtains of the trial room parted, and Kairi stepped out, doing a spin for you. The lights of the boutique are harsh, but Kairi looks amazing. She doesn’t dress up much — you’ve seen her entire range of dark sweaters, and graphic jackets over the weeks by now.

“Shit, you look amazing” You realised, eyes roaming her figure. A black bikini hugged her tightly, and it was the sexiest swimsuit you’d ever seen. Under the bust, two silver chains hugged her torso, sparkling under the store lights, wrapping around her navel too.

She had a smile on her lips, and she seemed satisfied with it too, “Is this the one?”

You’re in a cute boutique, it sells dresses and swimsuits and silver jewellery. It’s decorated prettily, and there’s not many people here because it’s not summer. It’s rapidly approaching winter, and in a few weeks, it’ll be Christmas. 

“It’s the one” You nodded, standing up to circle around her, “You look…gorgeous. Everybody will fall in love with you”

Her smile fell at those words.

You must have said the wrong thing, “What’s wrong?”

She shook her head, “Chris would love it so much. He was always hyping me up, especially when I bought new clothes because I barely ever did”

She didn’t talk about him much. In fact, this was one of the first few times she brought him up. Every time she did talk about him, it was with confidence. They had broken up ages ago, but she was never angry about it. How does she possess such ease in her, to talk of a failed love? If it was so confident, why would it end?

With trepidation, you voiced your thoughts, “Can I…ask you what happened?” 

It was a shot in the dark, of course. She didn’t have to tell you the truth, and you could handle not knowing. She wasn’t surprised you’d asked. She just sat down on the boutique floor, stretching her legs onto the fluffy carpet, “Uh…it’s not that big of a deal”

You joined her, crossing your legs, touching her hand, “You can tell me, but only if you’re comfortable with that”

“Someone threatened to kill me” She chuckled.

“What?”

“It was probably an empty threat” She shrugged, “No big deal”

“But…why? What, I don’t understand?”

She tilt her head, “You know Yoko Ono?”

“John Lennon’s wife?”

She nodded, “After she got married to him, and The Beatles broke up…everybody blamed her for it. Apparently he was putting her before the music, and she was one of the reasons the band ended. Could you imagine how much people hated her? They singlehandedly blamed her for the breakup of…the most iconic band in the world”

Your brows furrowed, “But what has that got to do with you?” 

“A few months ago, a paparazzi spotted Chan…at a luxury store” She breathed in. Your heart skipped a beat, watching Kairi talk.

“I guess he was…looking at engagement rings. I don’t know for sure. Maybe he was buying something for himself” She breathed, “But after the news of that came out and people realised that the Bang Chan may be getting married…”

“Oh…”

“People think I’m gonna be the Yoko Ono here” She forced a smile, “That he’s gonna get caught up in this relationship, and not pay attention to their music. That he’ll choose me over the fame”

“Kairi…I’m so sorry” You traced a soothing circle on her skin, but you had goosebumps from just listening to her, “That’s fucking unfair”

“Anyway, those pictures were the beginning of the threats. I wasn’t too concerned…because honestly, Chris is the only thing that mattered to me, if he was happy, if he was okay. As long as he was good, I would be too. But Pegasus thought they were real. And Chris…he was scared for me”

“I’d be scared too”

She let out another scoff, but she was shaking, and you could tell how much this bothered her, “So instead of marrying the love of my life…we broke up.”

Your chest wrenched, “I’m…so sorry, Kairi”

She nodded, head bending down, and squeezed your hand, “I’m sorry too. It’s stupid that the entire life me and him had planned together may not ever happen because of a few threats posted online by losers. Maybe they were real though. I don’t know. I guess I’ll never know”

“Couldn’t the company do something about it?”

She scoffed, “The company won’t do shit. They can protect Chris all they want, but they’d never step up to protect his partner. Their entire image revolves around them being single…and available. Sex sells. Their sex appeal is more important to them than his life” 

It wasn’t a competition, but her heartbreak was much worse than yours. She had everything, and then she lost it. You mumbled, and you hurt for her, “It’s…not fair at all”

“Yeah. Anyway, me and Chris weren’t getting along towards the end of that. We disagreed on a lot of shit.” She nodded, lifting her head up to meet yours, “The breakup was hard on the others too. Especially Hyunjin, he…” She paused, “It’s almost like he took it personally” 

The name sang to your heart, coursing through your veins like lifeblood, making your pulse quicker. “He loved the two of you together” You ended up saying. 

Kairi smiled at you, “He tell you about us?”

“Yeah…he said I’d really love you”

She smiled, eyes crinkling, “He was clearly right about that” 

“Can I… ask you something?” You said, and she nodded, “Do you ever think you’ll get back together?”

She smiled, “I mean, I can hope, but unfortunately…the decision would have to lie with Chris. If things go wrong, he could lose everything. I would lose nothing…except him. So in the end, it’s up to him. Right now, I think it’s impossible. In summer, a news website threatened to publish about our relationship. Chris isn’t equipped to deal with the fallout that comes with that”

“Oh…I’m sorry”

She took another breath, “Um, we should probably get off the floor before the employees sees us. It’s your turn to try on a bikini anyway”

You couldn’t understand where she conjured up all her positivity from, and you shook your head once you realised what she’d said, “Oh, no Kairi, I have a swimsuit already”

She shrugged, tugging your arm to make you stand up, “You’re going to get a new one though. It’s my birthday, you have to”

“But…” You protested, as she lightly shoved you towards the rack. Tons of bikinis hung on it, ranging from all different styles and colors. Ombre, mismatched, bejeweled. “I don’t know…” You touched the material of a blue one, wondering how you’d pick one.

“How about this lilac?” She asked, pulling a set out. It was too sexy, and too out there. It was the kind of thing Hana would force you to wear. Kairi must have noticed the drop in your expression, because she spoke, “Actually, I’m sure we can find another one”

After some looking around and a lot of nudges from her, you settled on a red bikini set. It was…beautiful. It looked like a thing you’d see on a model in a catalogue. There were metal hearts instead of strings, on either side of the underwear. You’d never be one for vanity, but right now…you could stare at yourself for hours. It fit you perfectly, like nothing else ever had, almost as if it was made for just your body, nobody else’s. When you stepped out, Kairi was patiently waiting on the ottoman. She was rocking her heels back and forth, and she still hadn’t changed out of her final pick, “Holy shit” She grinned, “We’re…gonna look so fucking hot!”

You giggled, “You’re looking forward to it, right? I wanna help your friends plan it too, if that’s okay”

She pulled you into a hug, warm arms enveloping around you. You were still in your swimsuits with the tags on, but you melted into her embrace as she mumbled, “Of course that’s okay! Plus, you’re gonna be there …so I’m not worried about anything”

»»————-

The campgrounds were beautiful, and the party was in full swing. Green grass stretched for miles, running alongside the Han river. Bordering on the outskirts of Seoul, it was far from all the noise, the pollution, and the constant ringing of the sirens. They weren’t just normal campgrounds though. Instead of cabins, there were little glass houses, hidden beneath trees with floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out onto the river, which people could book for vacation rentals all year round. Everything in the city was more boujee. Even nature. It’s like the city folk had figured a way to camp without the mosquitos and the discomfort and glamorised it, fit for celebrities and socialites.

A volleyball court was constructed on a stretch of sand, and a wooden dock extended onto the river, canoes attached to it that anybody could borrow. Pink and yellow inflatables floated down the water, occupied by some of Kairi’s friends who were already so drunk and it was only midday. 

Pretty lanterns hung across poles, the only lighting for this place, and even a freaking DJ booth was set up by the bonfire. It all had a modern festival vibe, and Kairi told you that this place usually booked a lot of small rock gigs over weekends. The campgrounds were public, but she had rented out an area for the day. Her friends from work were originally supposed to be planning everything, but you were also helping them now. For someone who hated parties, you sure loved planning them. It was a perfect distraction, from the stress of classes. The venue for Felix’s birthday had been naturally beautiful, but it couldn’t compare to the extravagance of the city.

You’d driven up here in the early hours of the morning, and Jeonghan had been a boon. He’d helped you unload the crate of beers from his car, loading them into ice-cold pink coolers you’d situated every few metres across the riverbank. It was a hotter day than usual, despite the city being on the brink of imminent snowfall, so cold drinks…were a must.  

Most people had arrived at the campgrounds in the late afternoon, checking in at the front-desk before making their way towards the river. Kairi had a ton of friends, most of them from work, and you weren’t the corporate type, so you maintained a little distance, choosing to be orchestrating everything behind the scenes more. That’s why you were at the barbecue right now, grilling meat for some hotdogs.

Jeonghan had long abandoned you. His red swim shorts are easy to spot, and the official dress code of this party was just swimwear. He was supposed to be helping you cook but he was stretched out on the riverbank, sketching instead. He must have been really inspired, and from where you stood, you could see him with his feet up in the sky, nose buried in a little sketchbook. It was sweet of him to come, and he was the only person you knew, so you were grateful that he was here. 

A frisbee whizzed past you, and you looked up to see Kairi giggling. “Shit! I almost hit you, didn’t I?” She looked beautiful, and the silver chains on her swimsuit sparkled in the sun as she ran around the grass, indulged in a serious game of frisbee with her friends. You smiled back at her, “I’ll forgive you, but only because it’s your birthday”

Ever since she’d told you the truth of what went down between her and Chan, you’d grown fonder of her, and almost protective in a sense. She was so much stronger than you, and you could learn a little from her in terms of positivity. She had introduced you to all her friends, but they were too many names for you to remember. Sohee, Jinsoo, Eric, etc. You’d assigned yourself to the snacks, not feeling too confident in greeting her guests. 

“Do you want it crispy all the way through?” You called out to her, pork belly sizzling against the pan as you tossed it. This made you feel useful. It was better to not let your mind wander, instead you filled it with little responsibilities such as this.

She ran up to the grill, frisbee still in her hands, “Why are you all the way over here?”

You gestured to the barbeque, and the plates of snacks, “Somebody’s got to feed your guests”

“They can feed themselves, Y/N. We should go in the river while the sun is still out!” She grabbed your arm, and started leading you away from the barbecue, “I’m sure Nate can take over anyway” 

You weren’t going to argue with that. You’d missed swimming, and being in the water, so, you let her pull you into the river. In the cold water, surrounded by nature on all sides, it almost felt like home. Kairi swam over to you, a big smile on her face, “Fuck. The sun feels so good” 

You drifted closer, smiling, “I’m glad you’re happy. It’s kind of your day, you should be” 

“I’m really, really fucking grateful that dude spilled a drink on me and we met in that club bathroom…”

You laughed, clasping your hand with hers as you swam in the water together, “Well. I’m sure there’s nicer ways for us to meet”

She rolled her eyes, “No, are you kidding? That was the best one. I needed someone like you in my life”

You giggled, “Someone like me?”

“We haven’t even know each other that long, if you think about it. Honestly, I never even thought you’d text me back, because…of him” She paused, “But I think you sacrifice your peace for others, and…I don’t know anyone else like you”

You swallowed, and you didn’t want to get emotional in the middle of the river, “Kairi…tell me you didn’t bring me in the water just to make me cry”

“Actually” She corrected herself, a small chuckle following, “I did know one person like you”

You don’t have to probe to know she’s talking about Chan.

“You remind me of him. As crazy as that sounds” She hummed. 

“I’m sorry things didn’t work out between you” You apologised, and you were caressing her shoulder now, rubbing it.

She wrapped her arms around your waist, and her body felt warm against yours, “You don’t have to be sorry. I’m sorry I keep bringing him up. It’s like second nature for me. Does the same ever happen with you…?”

There can’t be a better day than today for you to move on, so you forced a smile, “No. I don’t think of Hyunjin anymore. It’s in the past…” It’s a complete lie, but one day, you’re hoping it will come true. Kairi doesn’t know everything that happened in the end and she doesn’t need too. She doesn’t know he gave up on you, all she knows…is that you don’t talk anymore. 

Resignation settled in her gaze, “So…you’re completely okay with him?”

You nodded, “Yup. Anyway, um I don’t know about you but… I’m starving. Should we get the hotdogs?”

Kairi blinked but didn’t question your change of topic, “Sure. That’d be perfect”

You waded out of the water, jumping back onto the riverbank, and the air was prickly cold, but the sun was still warm in the sky. The DJ booth set up in the distance had a party playlist on repeat, and tons of people were dancing, some of Kairi’s friends, some just locals who were enjoying this area. The water droplets on your skin looked like glitter, and you ran over to the barbecue grill, dripping wet. Kairi’s friends, Sohee and Eric were indulging in a platter of pork ribs and grilled chicken, perched on a picnic table. They smiled at you as you approached them, “The water nice?”

You nodded, hugging yourself, “Mmh, you guys should get in while it’s still warm! If you guys don’t mind…could I please borrow a plate for Kairi?”

“Of course. Help yourself” Sohee smiled, black sunglasses resting on her head, and she was in a white one-piece swimsuit, “You’re…Kairi’s artist friend, aren’t you? We’ve heard a lot about you”

You laughed, flushing, “I hope good things”

Eric laughed, “You bet. Hey, we’re playing volleyball later, if you wanna join?”

You grabbed a plate of the sausages and bulgogi, “That sounds cool. I’m a terrible shot but I might join!” They laughed and you picked up some disposable cutlery, heading back to Kairi.

She was out of the water now, sunbathing on the grass and Jeonghan sat at her side. 

“I got you some meat” You handed her the plate, balancing it on her stomach. Her arms were stretched behind her head, and she squinted under the sun at you, “Thanks, baby”

The term of endearment brought a flush up your chest, and you sat cross-legged next to her. It was crazy how fast you’d grown fond of each other, as if you were always destined to be such good friends. As you ate off her plate, Jeonghan brought you a couple of drinks. It seemed like he’d finally abandoned his sketchbook in favour of enjoying the place around him. Jeonghan yawned loudly, “This weather makes me want to take a nap”

“Well, I really don’t mind if you do” Kairi suggested to him.

Jeonghan laughed, “Really? I wouldn’t be the lamest person at this party?” 

“You won that title hours ago” You joked. Jeonghan gasped dramatically, and lightly shoved you, “It’s rude that you’re not my self-proclaimed hype girl”

You pushed your sunglasses up your head, staring at him and trying not to laugh, “I’m sorry…your what?”

He blew a puff of air, and laid his head on your lap, “You know…I’m like always hyping you up in class. Making you laugh when you’re miserable—no offence— and even rescuing you from pathetic blind dates. You’re not gonna do the same for me?” He bit into a sausage, sauce smeared across his lips.

“You’re such a messy eater” You commented.

His eyes were closed and he smiled, “You can lick it off me, if it’s bothering you”

Kairi sat up, laughing, “What is going on with you two?”

You shook your head, “Nothing. He flirts with me when he’s drunk”

It was rapidly approaching nightfall, and that’s what you hated the most about winter: shorter days, longer nights. The sun set behind the forest, settling warm rays on your skin, drying the water from your swim off.

You smiled, indulging in this moment, wishing every day could be the same. You were in a beautiful place, with new friends and this could be your blank slate. Tonight could mark what you and Kairi had talked about – a real, fresh start. For the first time in weeks, your chest didn’t hurt. 

»»————-

You knew you were terrible at coordinated sports, and it became obvious to everyone else too when you missed the fifth volleyball headed your way. Eric on the other team, did a fist-bump with his teammate at your loss, and Sohee sighed, “Just catch one, Y/N!”

You threw your hands up, a giggle escaping you, “You guys asked me to join. I told you I’m horrible at this stuff!” There were two teams, and the one with you was… horribly failing. Nobody took it too seriously so it was okay, it was for fun. It was just insane to you that you were playing volleyball next to the freaking river with strangers in Seoul. If past you found out about it, she’d absolutely freak out. You were counting every blessing, grateful to be here in the city, and you were making the most of tonight. You’d made Jeonghan join with you, and he was on the other team. Kairi was somewhere by the bonfire, dancing, and you could her loud singing along all the way over here.

“Just try to catch this next one, okay?” Jeonghan called at you over the net. 

You were horrible at bowling too, but Seungmin had taught you once and after that you hadn’t been half as bad. All you had to do was focus, and channel all your built-up energy into shooting the ball, not get distracted by every other thing happening. You’d seen Sohee shoot enough successful ones to try to imitate her. So, you stepped up, rooting your feet in the sand, and she was cheering you on in the background. You didn’t even know her, so it was funny that she cared this much. 

Jeonghan across the fence tossed the ball towards you. You don’t know what prompted you to jump, and this time you actually hit it with all the energy you could muster, your fist making contact with the ball, and it shocked Jeonghan so much that he forgot to serve entirely. “Are you kidding me?” He cried, crawling under the net to run up to you. He pulled you into a hug, arms wrapping around your body, “I knew you had it in you! All you needed was a little bit of humiliation to get you there”

“I barely hit!” You giggled, hugging him back, and his torso was warm to the touch, “And you’re supposed to be on the other team, but…thanks”

He rolled his eyes, holding you tight in his grip, “I’ll gladly let you win any day”

He was so touchy tonight. It must be the mix of alcohol, adrenaline and being away from the stresses of the art studio. His hand lingered on your waist, drifting close to your ass but you didn’t stop him. It was silly because you weren’t even into sports, you didn’t care about this volleyball game, but you were smiling widely, and it wasn’t forced. 

Jeonghan let go of you, steadying you on the sand, and in your happy daze, you got up on your toes and kissed him, threading your hands through his hair. It was frizzy from the wind, and you settled on the nape of his neck. He smiled into the kiss, pressing your body to his, and he was only in his little swim-shorts, and you were only in your bikini so most of your skin touched his. It was a strange feeling, to be so physically close to somebody who wasn’t Hyunjin, but that would never happen again, and to curb the hurt, you kissed him deeper.

Sohee was laughing in the background, “You guys know the game isn’t over yet, right?” 

This kiss didn’t mean anything, yet it meant everything. It meant that you could let go. Hyunjin didn’t want you in his life, and one day you’d be okay with that. Right now, you had to live in this moment. You wound your arms tighter around Jeonghan’s neck, and you kissed him deeply, and he was probably surprised that you were giving in so much, because he knew this wasn’t anything special. You surprised yourself too. 

Kairi calling your name is what made you pull away from him, cheeks flushed with adrenaline. She was walking over to you, and you ran up to her, across the makeshift volleyball court, “Babe! Did you see me hit that ball?”

She looked like she’d seen a ghost though, and she reached for your hand, “Y/N. I need you, please”

“Wait, what’s wrong?” You frowned, stepping out with her.

She was fumbling over her words, “He’s here. Y/N. He’s here” Her eyes were wide in despair. She looked like she was going to cry, staccato mumbling, “I don’t know what to do” 

You grabbed her arm, pulling her away from the game, You’d never seen her in such a state, “Kairi, please calm down. Who’s here? What’s going on?”

She squeezed her eyes shut, a tear spilling out, “Chan…Chan is here”

Fucking hell.

“Hey, hey, hey. Kairi, I need you to calm down, okay?”

Your heart had dropped into your gut, but you had to be there for her. She was breathing heavy, and her eyes were filling up with tears, smudging her mascara and her silver eyeliner, “I don’t know what to do. If I talk to him, I’ll end up doing something stupid, like kiss him or something”

You grabbed her gently by the shoulders, so she could look only at you and not be stimulated by the rest of the party, “I’m gonna handle it, okay? Kairi. I’ll take care of it. You don’t have to do anything”

Her eyes were wide, “What? You will? Are…are you sure?”

“Of course. It’s Chris, I got this” You held her chin, fingers caressing her jaw, “Today is your day. I don’t want you to stress about anything”

She let out a breath, a tear escaping, “Thank you, Y/N. I’m sorry, I just got really overwhelmed, I wasn’t expecting to see him and…I don’t know if he knows I’m even here”

“What do you want me to say to him?”

“Just…don’t send him away. I don’t want him to get hurt. But please…find out why he’s here. I’m so…fucking confused. Why today? What does he want?”

“I’ll talk to him” You looked around, eyes landing on a concerned Jeonghan. He was still playing the game, but his focus was on the two of you, “Can you go hang out with Jeonghan till then?”

She nodded absentmindedly, seemingly so lost, “Thank you...Fuck, I just…don’t know how to deal with this right now”

“Jeonghan?” You called out, and it only took him a second to abandon the game and run up to you. His eyes observed Kairi’s fragile state, “What’s up? Is everything okay?” 

“Can you take her to the dock? I’ll catch you there in a bit, okay?”

He glanced at her, no questions asked, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, “Of course, no problem” He smiled at you, a dazzling grin that told you he’d take care of it, “Catch you in a few” 

Then he took her away, leading her towards the other side of the campgrounds. The dock was nearer to the woods, hidden between the trees and the rocks, away from Chan. You’re sure the physical distance from the rest of the party would help Kairi calm a bit. You glanced at the volleyball game. They were all standing and waiting for you. Sohee had her hands on her hips, “You coming back?”

“I’m gonna have to ditch the game, sorry! Win for me, okay?” You shot her a smile.

“We’re gonna kick your ass, Y/N!” Eric yelled across. You laughed, waving them a goodbye as you walked over to the bonfire. That’s where Kairi said she saw him. You couldn’t understand. Why would Chan be here, and how had he heard about this party? Things between them had long ended, and there was no logical reason for him to come here suddenly. You were proud of yourself for staying calm though. Kairi was what mattered tonight, and you could easily deal with her ex.

There was a dance party situation happening around the fire. Everyone had congregated near it, and the DJ had long given up on playing good songs, settling for dance club music instead. From here, you could see the bonfire. One of Kairi’s friends, Jinsoo ran up to you, “Y/N, hey! Do you know where the rest of the beer is?’

You stopped to explain, you’d somehow become the unofficial host for this party and everyone must have noticed how close you and Kairi were. “Um, it should be in a pink cooler. We unloaded near the cabins”

“Great, thanks!” She smiled at you, running back there. Your eyes scanned the crowd around the fire. The sand here was warm, and it felt so good between your toes. Everybody was drinking, and dancing, making it harder for you to find him. You’d never seen Chan in person, but you’d seen so many pictures of him. It’d be second nature to recognise him. 

Then, you spotted a boy by the fire, gaze frantically looking around the campgrounds, and you stepped up to him, making your way through the people dancing.

He was in a black sweatshirt, and dark jeans and he stood out, surrounded by girls in bright-colored bikinis, and boys in expensive swim-shorts. There was no telling from his stature that he was someone famous, which is probably why none of the guests were giving him a second look. You wonder if any of Kairi’s friends had ever known about their relationship. You weren’t nervous about this interaction, even though you should be. This was Hyunjin’s best friend. Why were you not freaking out? Maybe because you’d do anything to make sure Kairi had a good night.

“Chris?” You asked, voice low. You didn’t want to spook him.

At hearing his name, he turned to face you. Your heart jumped at the sight. He was beautiful in person. None of the pictures could do him justice. In the pictures, he had stage makeup and styled hair. Right now, natural curls fell into his face, and he looked so simple, like any other guy you’d pass by on the street.

“Hey. You’re Chris, right?” You spoke, and the only thing making you nervous was him looking right into your eyes, “I’m uh…I’m one of Kairi’s friends.” It was best to not say your name. His gaze was…very intense but you had to keep cool for her, so you smiled. A genuine, warm, smile. 

The tension in his shoulders dissipated as understanding settled in his face, and he stepped up to you, clearing his throat, “Hey. Um, I go by Chan actually”

“Chan…” You repeated, smiling at him, fiddling with your fingers, “I wasn’t really expecting you to show up”

He sighed, hands in his pockets, “I know… I’m not on the guest list” 

“She didn’t know you’re coming tonight” 

“I wasn’t planning to” He answered, taking in another breath, and his voice was shaky, “I came straight from the studio. I drove…three straight hours to get here, on a whim. I know I’m not dressed for the party, but I need to see her right now”

Oh, wow… You hope you didn’t sound rude but this was in her best interest, so you said, “I’m sorry…I don’t know how to say this… but she’s not feeling great about this. How did you even know about the party?”

He was about to answer but it’s like he couldn’t find the words, struggling. Had he come here just to wish her for her birthday? It was hugely romantic, but there must be more he wanted to say.  What would make him drive all the way here?

“Channie, she is not by the cabins either!” Someone yelled out.

You would recognize that voice anywhere.

Your heart stopped beating.

Within seconds, somebody came running up through the shadows of the trees. The air left your body, and you couldn’t breathe.

Hyunjin.

He stepped out into the light and all of the noise around you died. 

The waves of the river were suddenly quiet, the forest was mute, the music was silent. Only your pulse ringing in your ears.

He was here. He was here. He was here.

Immediately, his gaze landed on you, and he stopped still in his footsteps. 

There was no hiding his surprise. There was no pretending, or feigning of emotions. His mouth parted, eyebrows shooting up, eyes wide as he saw you. 

Vision blackening, clouding, blurring, you could only see him in the centre, and your gut started squeezing you from the inside out. 

Dark hair tied up into a bun, half of it hanging to his shoulders, he looked like he always did. Fucking unreal. He was dressed so simply, black sweater blending into the darkness. He got prettier each time you laid eyes on him. So fucking beautiful and you hated him for it.

His eyes were on yours, thick lips parted in shock, and it was cruel how your heart leapt out of your chest, as if you hadn’t been training to tame it all this while. The last time you saw him… flashed through your mind, memories pricking at you like a hundred thousand needles stabbing into your body. He left you, before you even had a chance. He didn’t even know you loved him.

You’d been trying so hard to move on, but here he fucking was, the one place you didn’t think he could be.

But you needed to be strong, for Kairi. This was all for her, and she was your saving grace. So you looked away from him, even if it took all of your fucking willpower. Your gaze found Chan, and suddenly the noises were back. The party was raging, the river was loud, the forest full of cacophony. Chan was saying your name repeatedly, and you’d tuned out completely. So had Hyunjin it seemed…because he snapped back to reality, a click going off in his head, and turned to his friend.

Chan stepped closer to you, “You’re Y/N…?”

You nodded, no words escaping at him recognising you. You’d been recognised. Of course you had. You and Hyunjin had been fucking staring at each like fools. It was a dead giveaway.

“I need to see her, Y/N.”

You ignored the peripheral gaze burning in the side of your face. Don’t fucking look at him. You stared right at Chan, “Chan, I can’t…”

“There’s something I need to say to her…and after that I’ll leave, I promise you” There was desperation in his voice, one you’d felt all these months.

It was the most difficult thing to not look at Hyunjin, when he was fucking staring at you. He’d always had your entire attention, any room he was in but right now you couldn’t afford to do that. It was so hard for you to ignore him, but it had been so easy for him before. You could do that to him too.

“I don’t know. She’s…really upset” You turned around, glancing over at the dock, then back at him, “Why tonight? She wants to talk to you, but—”

“I know you’re just trying to do right by her. Something I should have been doing all this time” He closed his eyes, “I understand if you’re gonna ask me to leave, but I promise you. If she says she doesn’t wanna see me, I’ll walk right out.”

You shook your head, guilt overwhelming you, “Chan—”

He continued speaking over you, “But if you’ve ever been in love, or…or loved someone, you’d understand why this is so fucking important to me”

You stared at him, lost for words. If you’d ever been in love…?

Hyunjin’s gaze on you was stronger than ever. It burned you.  

He had said nothing this whole time. What was he thinking? You wanted to climb into his brain, read his mind and know what he thought of this question. Did Hyunjin have any fucking idea how much you loved him? You were so stupid crazy in love, you missed his silence too. And did Chan even understand the significance of what he was asking you? All of your emotions were cascading on top of each other, and the sane part of you was drowning in the waves. It was hard to speak, but you finally found the words, “She’s… by the docks. You can find her there”

They were the right words because Chan’s eyes lit up instantly, a smile spreading on his face, and he was beautiful like this, a warmth and comfort emanating from him. He was prettier when happy, and it looked like he couldn’t believe you’d said yes, “Thank you. Shit, thank you, Y/N. You’re an angel” He turned to Hyunjin, “I’ll be back soon, okay?”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Hyunjin asked him. His voice sent shivers down your spine.

“No, I…got this” Chan swallowed, and he suddenly looked nervous and doubtful of this.

Hyunjin stepped close to him, voice dropping, “It’s gonna be fine. You’re gonna be fine”

Chan nodded, eyes closed, “I’m just…fucking anxious. What if she asks me to leave?”

“Channie” Hyunjin repeated, in a low voice, hand landing on his shoulder, “I’m right here if you need me, okay?”

He took a deep breath, and Hyunjin pulled him into a half-hug. You stood by, unsure what to do, staring at them. You were still trying to wrap your head around whatever the fuck was happening right now. In seconds, Chan took off towards the dock, where you’d told him Kairi was. You watched his retreating figure, hoping you made the right choice. He seemed genuinely apologetic, for whatever had went down between him and her. 

His departure… left you and Hyunjin by the bonfire. Just by yourselves. So, you finally looked at him.

He was staring at you. 

In the glow of the embers, Hyunjin looked almost sinister, he looked dangerous in the way that you wanted him, even now. Dark shadows cutting across his face, he’d only grown more into the version of him you’d ran into the storage closet. Taller stature, stronger arms, piercing gaze.

You suddenly felt conscious…being in this tiny swimsuit, and your arms came up around yourself to cover up somehow. It hurt too much to see him this close, after everything that had happened. You’d been giving up your soul to forget him, and he’d just decided to show up, now? It was unfair. You had to be the bigger person here, and you were going to leave. You didn’t owe him a conversation, not after he’d shown you how easy it was for him to forget all about existence.

So, you turned to walk away, but then Hyunjin spoke, “I didn’t know you were going to be here”

At first, you almost didn’t hear him, over the music, over the laughter, over the river. You stopped in your tracks, squeezing your eyes shut, wishing he’d never spoken. 

You didn’t look at him as you mumbled, “Yeah…you wouldn’t be here if you knew”

It came out more venomous than you wanted, and you didn’t wait to see his reaction. But he asked you, “What are you doing here then?”

You turned to look at him, and fuck it hurt every bit of you. You hope you had a stable tone, arms crossed across your chest, because how the hell could he ask you that? “I’m… kind of the host”

His eyes widened, genuine surprise in it, “You are…?”

Well, he would’ve known that if he’d let you be in his life. Why had he pushed you away? Why had he not even tried to keep in touch with you? Was cutting off all contact the only way he knew how? 

“I have to go” You mumbled, feeling hurt all over again, “There’s drinks in the corner if you want”

Hyunjin began to say something, but he was stopped because somebody yelled your name, interrupting whatever he could have said. What was Hyunjin going to say?   

Jeonghan ran over to you, laughing, oblivious to everything around him, “You know Sohee’s going around saying you abandoned her during the game?"

You blinked, looking up at him, “She knew we weren’t going to win anyway”

He laughed loudly, and he was clearly tipsy by the way he talked, “What can I say? You’re a very wanted woman tonight, like five people stopped to ask me where you were. Also, you do remember that you’re the only person I know at this party? You can’t just leave me alone. I might actually end up missing you”

“Right, I forgot” You stifled a smile, “I was doing something for Kairi. Speaking of which…you left her alone?”

“I’m sorry…” He sighed, “There was this dude that wanted to talk to her…she asked me to leave them. And, I did not come tonight to babysit her. I’ve only met her like one time!” 

You laughed, “Really? It is her birthday, Nate. What did you come here for then? ”

He shook his head, smiling, “Oh, being coy suits you, Y/N. It’s sexy”

“What?” You laughed. Before you could even register it, he wrapped his arms around you, picking you up in a little spin and twirl. A surprised noise escaped you, and your hands came to brace yourself against his bare chest. He was grinning at you, completely oblivious to the fact that someone was watching you. You almost forgot where you were, and who was watching, a giggle escaping you. “Nate—” You mumbled, pulling away, hands on his chest.  

“What?” He frowned, and only then he saw Hyunjin standing there, watching all of this take place. “Oh…hey, man” Jeonghan smiled at him, “Wow…you are way too overdressed for this party. Take your shirt off or something”

Hyunjin’s gaze was on the arm around your waist. There was an unrecognisable emotion in his eyes. You’d seen jealousy on him before and this wasn’t it. This… was something else entirely. An emotion so intense that you felt scared of what he was holding inside.

He was frowning, furrow in his forehead, and then he glanced at you, a sudden indifference in his voice, “Where did you say the drinks were again?”

You swallowed, “By the cabins…”

“Oh, I can show you” Jeonghan offered, and you wish he wasn’t so nice to everybody.

Hyunjin’s brows shot up at the suggestion, and you were afraid he’d say something mean, but of course Hyunjin wasn’t mean, so he forced a smile, “Cool. Sure”

Jeonghan began walking away with him, and your grip on his hand was tight, you yanked him back, whispering, “What do you think you’re doing?”

He smiled, whispering back, “Relax. Just showing some hospitality. Also I think that guy’s famous”

You sighed, closing your eyes, because he was impossible to argue with, “Fine, but…get me a drink too”

“Will do” He grinned, leaning in to kiss your cheek. You watched them walk away, and you could hear Jeonghan say, “I’m Nate by the way, only she’s allowed to call me Jeonghan. Don’t ask me why though” 

You couldn’t pick up on what Hyunjin said in response and you itched to know, but…you had to hold back. You stood still, feet rooted to the sand as Jeonghan led Hyunjin to the cabins, and the coolers that lay there, filled with beers. You couldn’t watch for long, because somebody grabbed your arm, turning you around, “Why are you by yourself?” Sohee, from the volleyball game asked, “Come on, you can dance with us!”

“I’m not in the mood, sorry” You apologised, walking away from the fire. What would they talk about? You hope Jeonghan didn’t bring up how miserable and depressed you’d been this whole time. Would Hyunjin talk about youto him? Would he ask him what you and Jeonghan were? Did he…even care?

Sohee laughed, “What? Shut up. You’re dancing with us. You already ditched us in the game”

“I think I’m just gonna go get a drink” You tried to decline, as politely as you could, without being a spoilsport or a downer. She stopped you, hand on your wrist, “What’s wrong?”

“I just…don’t wanna dance. I’m sorry” You gently pulled your arm out of her grip, walking nearer to the river. You could already feel it. All of the progress you’d made all these months was reversing. You were going back in time against your will. What had all this happiness been for, if it was just going to be ripped from you in an instant? How could you ever fucking say you moved on when seeing him for a second changed your mind? 

You thought you were stronger than this, but you were so fucking weak, falling back into an emotion you didn’t need. Self-loathing and sadness and wishing you were enough for him was staring you in the eyes, and you thought you’d left it all behind. This wasn’t how tonight was supposed to go. You…had plans, to feel better, to move the fuck on. Kairi and Chan were nowhere to be seen, and it was past midnight already. She hadn’t even cut the birthday cake yet. You’d made Jeonghan drive you all the way to that special bakery for nothing. Why would Chan show up uninvited on such a special night? Why the fuck would he bring Hyunjin with him?

You ran your hands over your face. Every breath was harder to catch, and you felt like you’d pass out if you stayed standing. A tear slipped into your mouth, and you tasted the glitter mascara that Kairi had put on you. Kairi. You were going to find her…and you’d make sure she still had a good night, regardless of her ex gatecrashing the fucking party. Chan was a lovely person, you’re sure he was, but this was not the time. If he wanted to come so bad, he should’ve just come alone and not brought Hyunjin.

You looked back towards the fire, where Sohee was twirling around with the others, laughing loudly, so drunk and so happy. Jeonghan was back there too, he stood watching the girls dance, but Hyunjin wasn’t with him.

Did he leave? Where was he?

Your eyes scanned the crowd so fast, trying to place him amongst the crowd. 

“I thought you hate beer”

You jumped, startled by the sound. 

Hyunjin stood behind you, holding a beer bottle in his hand, extended out to you. How had you missed him walking over to you?

“What?” 

He seemed confused, hand outstretched, “You…hated beer, right?”

“What are you doing?”

He shrugged, nonchalant, “You asked Nate to bring you a drink. He…wanted to dance instead, he asked me to bring it to you”

You laughed, bitterly, “And what, you work for him now?” 

Why the fuck would he willingly approach you? After forcing you to get out of his life? Pretending like everything was normal? Acting like he hadn’t devastated you entirely, and broken you down. He didn’t even apologise for the way he’d kissed you and pushed you away. He still didn’t fucking realise what he meant to you, and he never would.

Hyunjin’s tongue poked his cheek, and he said, “No. I was trying to be away from the crowd”

You released a breath, “Well, congratulations, now you are. I’m gonna go”

“Wait—” He called out.

You stopped, “What, Hyunjin?”

He swallowed, “Aren’t you gonna take your drink?”

You should walk away from this conversation right fucking now, but you felt angry. Did he know you’d been suffering so much because of him? Did he know you’d given up on love and resigned yourself to a miserable fucking existence, because of him? How could he act so normal? 

“You know what?” You forced a smile, “You can have it. You’ve already ruined tonight for Kairi. You might as well for me too”

“Excuse me?” His features contorted into a frown, as if he couldn’t believe you were bringing it up, “It wasn’t my idea to show up here”

“So what…you came as moral support or something?”

“Chan needed me” He stated, with finality.

“Well” You laughed, “You’re a great friend then. Are you even allowed to be at this party? Isn’t that gonna be a problem for you?”

His lips were in a thin line, “You’re angry”

“No” You laughed, so bitter, so petty, “Just concerned. Actually I am gonna take that drink” You grabbed it out of his hands, pulling with more force than needed, making sure none of your fingers touched any of his. Hyunjin’s eyes narrowed, and he would hate you now if he didn’t already, but that was fine. He didn’t want you anyway.

Jeonghan’s yell interrupted you two, “Y/N! Come on. It’s your favourite song!”

You turned back to them, realising that indeed a song you’d liked in a club once was playing. It wasn’t your favourite song, far from it, but you wanted to be away from Hyunjin. You were losing yourself so near him.

So you glanced at Hyunjin, lifted the beer bottle to your lips, and drops of alcohol dripped down your neck and chest, into your bikini top, messily, “Thanks for the drink”

Jeonghan basically pulled you into the circle, as the chorus came on. You let him. You chugged the rest of the beer, because there was no way you were doing this sober anymore. Jeonghan was fucking tipsy, so he spun you around, and if it wasn’t for his arm around you, you’d fall over into the sand. Somebody handed you a shot of tequila, and you drank that too. The music was loud enough so you couldn’t think, EDM beats playing over and over, making your heart vibrate against your ribs. You wanted to laugh, because everything was so horrible. Sohee was a good hype girl, cheering on for you, grinding her hips against a taller boy, and everyone was lost in the music.

As the song picked up tempo, your hands met Jeonghan’s and he helped you move with an exhilarating speed and you couldn’t even breathe, head spinning. He wasn’t a great dancer, but he was holding you tight, moving your body against his, and it was good to feel desired, “You look so fucking sexy” Jeonghan mumbled into your ear, “You should wear pink more often”

You rolled your eyes, “It’s red…Nate”

“Huh. Maybe I should get a closer look at it then”

“What?” You laughed as he suddenly leaned in, kissing your neck, and collarbones. His other hand dropped to your ass, squeezing it tightly. You couldn’t find it in you to feel shy because nobody was looking at you anyway. Everybody was too busy dancing, or too drunk. Hyunjin had probably realised his mistake and long left. You hope he’d fucking left. You didn’t want to see him again tonight. In the centre of the circle, Jeonghan was bent over you, pressing kisses to your body. Your arms rest on his biceps, as he kissed your neck, “You’re so beautiful when you laugh. I wish you were happier like this more often”

Oh, the irony. If only he knew you’d never been this sad in your life before. Knowing Hyunjin was here, so close yet so far. He was here, but he wasn’t here with you. What was the point…of anything? Weeks and months of moving on. Everything was useless. Hyunjin had to be there, everytime, haunting you like a demon, following in your shadows for the rest of your life. 

“Y/N…” Jeonghan asked, head buried in your neck, realising you were standing still, deadweight, “What’s wrong?”

You’d gone on a date, you had a friend you casually made out with, you were in the best art studio in your country. You were so unhappy. What was the point?

It was like there a string on his chest, tying him to you, bringing you together even when you couldn’t be. Even when he didn’t want to be.

“Nothing” You swallowed, tears shooting up to your eyes, “Can you just kiss me and not ask me anything?”

He frowned, and it was hard to hear him over the loud music, “No…Y/N. Tell me if you’re okay. Do you want some air? Water?”

“I just want you to kiss me and not ask why”

So, almost reluctantly, he did. He leaned in, pressing his mouth to yours and you hoped it’d distract you. You wanted to get lost in it, and you brought your palms up to his face, to his hair, running through it. You’d never kissed him for so long, or with so much emotion. It had always been so casual, for fun, no strings, nothing. 

For just a second, you opened your eyes. You wish you hadn’t.

Over Jeonghan’s shoulder, there was a direct line of sight to Hyunjin.

He was still standing by the river, staring out into the darkness, one hand shoved in his pocket, the other lifting a beer bottle to his lips. He was still here. Right where you’d left him.

Why wouldn’t he leave? There was a path straight to him, people parted like the red sea, the taut string of fate between you working harder than ever.

You squeezed your eyes shut, focusing on kissing the boy who actually cared for you, but when your eyes flickered open again, Hyunjin was watching you.

It should have been obvious, but you were still surprised…to see him stare. Your heart hurt so much you thought you’d collapse. He didn’t want you in his life anymore. He’d made it plenty clear. 

Then why did he look so fucking sad watching you kiss another man?

The party was raging, you were dying. Each press to Jeonghan’s lips made you sick. He kept spinning you around, and you were getting dizzy. Every few seconds, your eyes would fall on Hyunjin. Everything but him was blurred. Your insides hurt, and he was looking at you and you were looking at him but you were dancing with another man. Was this how it felt like to be dying? Jeonghan was giggling about something, and he leaned in to whisper something in your ear. You didn’t hear it, because Hyunjin had turned away from you now, like all of this was beneath him. As if being here was the greatest inconvenience of his life.  

He was walking away. He’d probably had enough of your dancing. 

He’d had enough of you.

“Y/N…hello?” Jeonghan snapped a finger in front of your face.

“I’m going to be sick” You mumbled.

His eyes widened, “What? Did you drink too much?”

“No. I just…I need some air” You stepped back from him. 

“Should I come with you?”

“I’m fine” You shook your head, looking around, “You should dance with Sohee…till I’m back. ”

Before he could protest or respond, you walked away, towards the river. Kairi was nowhere to be found, at her own birthday party. It was all his fault. You had to go find her. What if she had a fight with Chan and needed you?

The alcohol had gotten to your head. You shouldn’t have chugged that beer, and that tequila and that last shot of vodka. Slowly, but steadily you made your way towards the dock. Her birthday cake was rotting in the car. Was it so hard to ask for just one good night?

He had to ruin that too, just like he’d ruined the idea of love for you. You could never love anybody, ever again, not in this same way. 

You walked until you caught up to him. Thankfully, there was nobody else here. Everybody was either in the cabins, or dancing. Hyunjin was pacing back and forth, on his fucking phone as if he was too good for this place. The question left your mouth before you could rethink it, “What does Chan want?”

He looked up at you, eyes drifting over your figure briefly, voice small, “What?” 

“It’s been an hour. She’s not back yet” You stated, as if it was obvious, “In case you didn’t know, she turned twenty-four today, and this entire party is for her. So why is he here, Hyunjin?” You stepped closer to him.

He clicked his phone off, the number he never shared with you, and put it in his pocket, “Um… I don’t know if it’s my discretion to tell you”

You stared at him. You were so past begging to be included in his life. You nodded, a scoff escaping, “Yeah, sorry I asked. I don’t know what I was thinking”

Turning towards the dock, you only made it about five steps away from Hyunjin when he called out, “Wait—I didn’t mean it like that”

You turned to face him, and there was fire in your eyes, there was fire in your veins, “Then what did you mean, Hyunjin?”

Something flashed through his eyes when you said his name, like he also couldn’t believe he was talking to you. “Um. Do you… remember what I told you at the Château?” He asked. The familiarity of those memories flooded through you, like a tsunami. You remembered every single word, you remember each breath he took, each touch. You remember every ridge and curve in his hand, as he held yours. You remembered how many times he pressed his lips to yours, and how loud he’d moaned when you touched him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” 

Hyunjin tilt his head, “About… how they’ve been together for two years now? About how Chan had planned to ask Kairi to marry him…on her birthday?”

Your eyes narrowed as the realisation sank into you, “You’re kidding me. Is that what he’s doing right now? He’s literally going to ruin her—”

Hyunjin stepped forward, “No, he’s not doing that! But he just needed to talk to her about it. He’s just here to make things right with her” He explained, emphasising each word.

“Why?”

Hyunjin seemed confused, “Why, what?”

“Why now? He couldn’t have picked another day?” You sounded so harsh, but you didn’t care. Yeah, maybe you were pissed that Chan was willing to go to all this fucking effort for the girl he loved. But nobody would ever make any effort for you. You were pissed that Kairi was the one good thing you had left, but now Hyunjin’s life was ripping her away from you too.

He didn’t seem fazed though, and he seemed just as confused as you, “I don’t know, Y/N! I tried to talk him out of it. That it wasn’t a good idea”

You scoffed, crossing your arms, “Well you clearly didn’t do a good job, because he’s here right now anyway”

“What do you want me to do? I tried my best!”

“Well, you should have tried harder, Hyunjin!”

He let out a deep breath, running a hand over his face, “Why are you fighting me?”

You took a step back, “Right. I forgot I’m not allowed to be near you”

His eyes narrowed, “Excuse me?”

“Never mind. I’m going to go see if she’s okay or if she needs me”

He frowned, stepping in front of you, “You can’t just interrupt them. What if they’re having a moment?”

You squeezed your eyes shut. This was a fucking disaster, “He better not be proposing”

Hyunjin’s voice dropped, “Why? Wouldn’t you be happy for them?”

“Don’t put words in my mouth, Hyunjin. I would be happy. Obviously I’d be fucking happy. But Kairi loves him too much. She told me everything that happened. She would just get hurt again when he chooses the company over her.”

Hyunjin was quiet, eyes flickering over yours, voice dropping, “Is… that what you think I did?”

Your voice had lost its energy too, and you stared at him, “I’m not talking about—”

“Because that’s not what I did, Y/N”

You looked up at him, but you were shaking, “This is about her, not me”

He didn’t say anything. For a few seconds, you were both just staring at each other.

He sighed and chose to speak first, “Chan would never hurt her. Their decision to break up was mutual”

Unlike how things happened with you. “Yeah. I understand”

“It’s not just you. I’m worried about Chan too” He ran a hand through his hair. This was not the time to create a scene in public, so you curbed your anger, shoving it deep inside. He cared about Chan, and you cared about Kairi. That’s the only reason you were still here, and still talking to him. It was the only fucking reason you’d talk to him tonight. 

“I can’t believe it’s her birthday and she’s not even here” You mumbled, “All of this was for nothing then. I hope she’s not upset or crying somewhere in a corner”

For the first time this night, Hyunijn looked a tad guilty, brows furrowing, “Do you want to go check on them…?”

You hugged yourself tighter, the wind was picking up quickly, “I thought you just said we can’t interrupt them”

“We won’t”

Your eyebrows shot up.

“Isn’t there another place we can see the docks from…without interrupting them? To see how they’re doing…”

You ran a mental image of the campgrounds in your head, “Yeah, there is…”

And so, Hyunjin followed you. 

There was a clearing in the forest, a thick cover of trees that looked right out onto the docks. You’d seen it back when you came to scope out of the place with Kairi. You were taking him there. You focused on the sound of your footsteps, and on the party you were leaving behind. 

“So…what changed? Why did he pick today?” You surprised yourself by speaking first. 

Hyunjin seemed surprised too, and he glanced at you, “Um…I don’t really know. We were working on a few songs last night…and it’s like Chan had some great epiphany”

“Oh”

There were people swimming in the Han river, some of them were skinny dipping too, and Hyunjin averted his eyes as you passed them. It was so strange to be here, and talk to him, like everything was okay. His tall frame so close to you again, and he took longer strides than you but right now he was slowing down to keep up. You made sure there was enough distance between the two of you so your arms wouldn’t accidently brush. It was funny. Months ago, you used to pray for this to happen, to be alone with him, to have a reason to talk to him, and to accidently touch him. 

You tried to look for Chan and Kairi against the landscape, but they were too far so all you had was to settle for Hyunjin’s momentary glances on you. “You’re good at these” He suddenly said.

“Sorry?” You looked at him.

He looked around, making a noncommittal gesture, “Birthday parties. You planned everything, right?”

“I guess. It wasn’t all me” 

“You…always outdo yourself”

You looked up at him, from the corner of your eye, “I had help. I didn’t organise it on my own”

“I know…but I’ve seen how passionate you are about these things. The food…the music…it’s all very you”

You swallowed, wondering why he was deciding to be civil all of a sudden, or maybe he’d been civil all along and you were the one creating a fucking scene, “Thank you…”

“It reminds me of the beach party, for Felix’s birthday. That one��was so good too”

“Well, at least if things don’t work out with my art, maybe I can become a party planner” You mumbled.

Hyunjin laughed. He actually laughed. It was between a giggle and a chuckle and you looked up at him in surprise. He covered his mouth with his hand, eyes wide, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to agree with you. Things will obviously work out. You’re a great artist”

You couldn’t handle seeing him like this. Eyes crinkled, a real smile. Was he not miserable without you? You looked back at your feet, arms crossed over your chest, “Yup”

“So…is he your boyfriend?”

You looked up, “Sorry?”

Hyunjin seemed nonchalant as he asked, “Nate. The boy you were dancing with” His eyebrows were knitted together, as if he actually even cared if that was your boyfriend or not. 

“We’re here” You told him, choosing not to answer, pointing to a clearing in the trees, “You can see the dock right through there”

Hyunjin stepped ahead, forest leaves crunching under his feet as he did so. There was a pile of rocks and big boulders overlooking the river. Your view was being blocked by them, and you couldn’t see anything from here. 

“I’m just gonna climb up and check if we can see anything from there” He told you, and before you could tell him it was a bad idea, Hyunjin jumped up, easily climbing onto a boulder. It looked so easy for him.

You stood at the bottom, trying to warm yourself. You should have brought a coverup because the wind here was so strong, and you were half-naked. From where Hyunjin stood, he must have a clear view of the entire campground, a good vantage point…for spying on people, like you were now. He could see over the bushes, and you couldn’t, so you asked him, “Can you see them?”

Hyunjin responded, eyes in the distant, “Yeah I can”

“And…? Does she look upset? Are they fighting?”

Hyunjin was silent. You couldn’t see anything from down here, and you were frustrated. “Hyunjin…?” You whisper-yelled.

“Come up. You can see for yourself” He suggested, very unhelpful.

“I’m not wearing shoes. I can’t climb up rocks”

“I’ll help you” He said, turning to face you.

You looked up at him, and his hand was extended out to you. Did you really want his help? But you wanted to see for yourself. You didn’t trust him in the moment. So, you gave in, “Okay”

You grabbed his hand, only for the support, but a bolt of lightning travelled through you, through your entire body. You felt on fire, hair on the back of your neck standing up. Your heart skipped beats, and all you were doing was touching Hyunjin’s hand. It was so warm. His palm was baby-soft, like he’d been taking good care of himself, of his skin.

You tried not to let the shivers affect you. He bent down and mumbled, “Keep your foot here, and I’ll help with the rest okay?”

You climbed up onto a ledge, with sharp rocks jutting out, “If you drop me…”

“I won’t”

“Here goes nothing” You mumbled, keeping your foot on the ledge for balance, hoping you didn’t fall and embarrass yourself. Hyunjin pulled you up, tugging at your arm. You stood head-on, face inches from his. On this tiny boulder, there was barely any space for the two of you. Hyunjin clearly hadn’t calculated for that when he asked you to join him. Because now, you were pressed to each other, and his hand was on your bare waist, gripping you tightly so you won’t fall. Fuck, you’d really put yourself in this situation willingly.

“Shit. I’m so sorry” He realised, leaving his hold on you once you’d found your balance.

You were breathing heavy. Your eyes searched his, and his gaze was so familiar. Half-lidded eyes, dark hair falling into his forehead, lips pink...and plush up close. He was so beautiful, and his body was warm. 

His eyes fell to your body, noting the goosebumps on your chest, “You’re shivering”

“I’m fine”

“Take my sweater”

“Hyunjin…”

He didn’t let you finish and took off his dark woolen sweater. Inside, he was in a simple long-sleeved t-shirt that hugged him tightly. It was almost too small on him, and you could see the shape of his body through it. He handed you the warm sweater, and it was soft to the touch. You slipped it on over your bikini, and it smelled like him too.

He nodded, jutting his head towards the dock, “Um. There they are” 

You turned, trying to balance on the little space you had to stand, peering through the trees.

“Can you see them?” Hyunjin asked, maintaining a sliver of distance between you, as he tried to look over your shoulder. You could see them. Kairi and Chan sat at the edge of the dock, legs hanging off into the water. They weren’t touching, but they were sitting close together. They were talking about something, passionately, because you could hear hints of their voices all the way here.

“What…are they doing? They’re just…talking”

“Yeah” Hyunjin said, a puff of cold air leaving his mouth, “I guess they had a lot to catch up on”

Your heart clenched. You knew how much she loved him. “She missed him a lot…” You admitted.

Hyunjin glanced at you, and then back at them, “Yeah? He did too…he’s been in a lot of talks with the company”

“About what?”

His expression changed at your curiosity, “It’s not important, Y/N”

You frowned, even more curious now, “Tell me, Hyunjin”

He sighed, “It was… just about ensuring her security, in case they got back together, and even if they didn’t. Tracking down and suing the people that sent her the threats”

A flicker of hope lit up in you, for them, “Wasn’t that the only reason they weren’t together? Because of Kairi’s safety?”

Hyunjin looked at you, empty, downcast eyes, “No, when I came back to the city, they’d been having a lot of…arguments, and fights. I would hear Chan on the phone with her till the morning hours, just…arguing, about anything and everything. They weren’t even angry at each other, they were just frustrated because…he could barely give her time. It sucked, kind of felt like I’m a kid listening to my parents fall apart, you know? Watching their relationship fail right in front of me. The nights they stayed up arguing, Chan would show up to practice the next morning unmotivated and unfocused. It was affecting his work a lot. He was barely able to be creative”

You watched the side of his face, as he told you the tale of how this line of work had pulled Chan and Kairi apart. “So…what’s going to change now? Won’t they just go back to fighting?”

Hyunjin shrugged, “I don’t know. Things will never change. But I’m not gonna be the one to take away his hope”

“You really think that…?”

He looked at you, gaze piercing yours, “What?”

“That things are always going to be bad, that they won’t get better?”

“I don’t think that. I know it”

Your heart dropped, offended at the negativity he possessed, “Would it kill you to be a little more positive?”

He swallowed, looking right at you, “Me being positive is not gonna bring them back together”

Now he’d given up on his own best friend’s relationship too, what chance did you stand? You glanced back at Kairi and Chan, breath hitching in your throat at the sight. His hand was on her face now, caressing her, and he had inched closer. They looked…ethereal against the river and the moon.

“It just might” You mumbled. Chan was whispering something to her now, nose brushing against hers. It was so intimate, you suddenly felt like a voyeur.

Hyunjin inhaled, realising it at the same time as you, “We…shouldn’t watch this”

“We… shouldn’t have watched any of it” 

You turned, and Hyunjin had already jumped back onto the sandy terrain, and you wished you were as athletic as him. He made it look so easy. He was holding his hands out to you, “I got you”

You stared at him, and the way his hands were ready to catch you. He was wearing the same jewellery he always did, the same rings as the night he kissed you for the first time, and told you that you shouldn’t be worried because he wasn’t going anywhere. That all felt far too fabricated a lie now. Were any of those things he said true?

“I can get down on my own” You said, rejecting his offer to hold you, to touch you again.

“Are you sure?” He frowned, hands dropping to his side.

“Yup” You weren’t going to ask him for help again, so carefully, you stepped down, one foot on the ledge, trying to balance your weight out.

Hyunjin was watching carefully, and maybe it was good, because you fucking slipped.  Bare feet and rock climbing was not a good mix. One second, the rock was firm underneath you, the other it was gone. A yelp escaped you, but in half a second Hyunjin had stepped forward, catching you in his grip. He had you pressed you to the rocks, grip strong around your body, “Fuck. Are you okay?”

You couldn’t even find it in you to be embarrassed, staring up at him. There was no space between your bodies, and the moonlight fell right on him and his stupidly perfect face. You tried to catch your breath, but he was crushing you to the rocks. You couldn’t even breathe. Your hair fell in front of your face, and Hyunjin’s gaze flickered over it, as if he was itching to fix it. His hands dug into the fabric of the knit sweater, fingers poking in the holes, and his other hand…lay dangerously close to your ass, resting just at the end of your bikini.

So you still could feel like this again, like you would explode from human touch. You hadn’t felt this alive in the longest time, each nerve ending firing at full capacity. This is what attraction felt like, not what you had with your date in the bar, not what you felt when you kissed your friend. Your eyes searched his, for any remorse or guilt for what he’d done to you. You found none. 

"Please let go of me”

“What?”

“Let go of me, Hyunjin”

He dropped his hands from you immediately, hurt flashing through his eyes, and a part of you was happy he could still display that emotion. He’d been fauxing his emotions the entire night so well, he’d pushed them all aside, and you hated that. Why couldn’t he admit he missed you? He stepped back, apologetic, “I’m sorry. I just…wanted to make sure you were okay”

“I’m fine” You side-stepped him, walking back to the campgrounds through the trees. Hyunjin was quiet, and he followed you, a few steps behind. You knew because you could hear his breaths, and his footsteps against the crunching leaves.

After some minutes, he spoke, “Y/N…”

“I don’t want to talk to you” You were walking away from him, as fast as you could, hoping to put some distance between you.

“Y/N…you’re bleeding”

You stopped, “What?”

He stood a few steps behind, watching you, “Your leg. I think you…you cut yourself on the rock. The…branches”

You had far too much pride in the moment to even check if he was right. “It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t hurt” You mumbled, and began walking back towards the party again.

“It could get infected”

“Can you just stop talking, please? I can take care of myself”

“I’m sure you can. I’m just worried about you”

“Why are you even here?” You turned, walking back to him so you could be closer. Each step against the grass did hurt now. You must have cut yourself really bad, because the dirt was burning your wound, but you weren’t going to show your weakness, not right now. You were so far from the rest of the party, otherwise anybody would have been able to hear you arguing. You were thankful everybody else was distracted and having an actual good time, unlike you.

He frowned, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, why the fuck are you here? I didn’t invite you to this party. I want you to leave”

His eyes narrowed, “I’m not leaving Chan alone”

You let out a frustrated sigh, “He’s with Kairi, and they seem to be doing great without you!”

“You’re hurt…” He spoke, calm as fucking ever. Why couldn’t he just express himself, like he used to? Why was he wearing a shield? 

“As if that matters to you. The damage is done. I knew it wasn’t a good idea” You were talking about the cut on your leg, but of course you fucking weren’t.

He squeezed his eyes shut, “Just please let me take a look at it. I don’t want you to get hurt”

“It’s too late for that, Hyunjin”

He reached out, grabbing your arm with more force than you expected, to pull you closer, “Y/N. Stop fighting me. I’m not letting you go without making sure you’re all right”

The authority in his voice shocked you. You’d never heard Hyunjin so determined before, so aggressive. His eyes were narrowed, and his grip on your arm was strong but not tight enough to hurt you. You swallowed, wanting to suddenly cry because you were in so much pain and he was the reason for it all, “Fine”

His grip relaxed on you, and he let out a breath as if it was hurting him too. He looked around, eyes landing on the glass house hidden between the trees, “Can you walk till there?”

“Yeah”

You only felt a little shameful, walking over to the cabin, and you hope nobody was fucking in there or anything. Hyunjin pushed open the door, stepping inside, rummaging through the drawers and cabinets.

“Everything’s empty” He mumbled, a frustrated look in his eyes.

You leaned against the doorway, arms crossed, “Yeah. It’s a vacation rental, so there’s not gonna be any personal belongings. Maybe you could check in the bedroom”

He sighed, walking through the open doorway into the bedroom. The house was so…modern, and fancy, with large glass windows that faced the river. You could imagine how nice it’d be to spend the night here. There was an open four-claw white bathtub, and clearly this room was designed for sex. Why else would there be a tub in here? Hyunjin seemed impatient as he opened every cupboard, pulling open the drawers with gold knobs.

“Found anything?” 

He shook his head, “No…just condoms”

“Oh…”

“And a bottle of…lube” He chuckled, turning to look at you, arms crossed as he leaned against the dresser, “Yeah. nice planning. There’s no first aid kits, anywhere?”

“I don’t know” You sighed, “I wasn’t exactly planning on climbing up rocks”

Hyunjin ran a hand through his hair, “Right. Can you sit down?”

The bedsheets were nicely made, you didn’t want to ruin it but you were in pain now. You sat at the edge of it, hands in your lap. You had on Hyunjin’s sweater on top, but under that…you were still just in your bikini, legs bare. He knelt down on the floor, lifting your leg up in his hands. A wave of deja vu overwhelmed you. This position… reminded you of Felix’s birthday party. Almost the exact same thing had happened, when San had broken a beer bottle and Hyunjin had been worried about you. You stayed quiet, letting him probe around. The cut was near your Achilles heel, which explained why it hurt so much. Tenderly, he touched the skin around it, “Does this hurt?”

You nodded, biting your lip, “Yeah. It hurts.”

He sighed, looking up at you, intense gaze, “It’s…not that deep a cut, but…you shouldn’t go in the river or anything. It could get infected”

“So I’ll be fine? We’re done here?”

He let go of your leg so you could put it down, “Yeah”

Clearing his throat, he got up to walk to the door.

You stared after him, “You’re leaving?”

“There’s a store a few miles from here. I’ll get you a bandaid”

“What? You’re gonna drive all the way for that. That’s stupid. It’s…an hour away”

“Then it’s a good thing I’m not asking for your permission, is it?” He mumbled, pushing the door to walk back outside the house.

“Hyunjin” You groaned, getting up to follow him, “Wait! What are you doing?”

He threw his hands up, voice high, “I don’t know. What the hell do you want me to do?”

As if this was your fault, “Well, maybe don’t come to a party you’re not invited to. That would be a great start”

His voice shot up higher, “I’m sorry I fucked up, okay? I came here for Chan. I had no fucking idea you’d be here! I didn’t even know you knew Kairi, so how could I have guessed you’d be at her birthday party, Y/N?”

You swallowed, knowing he was right, frustrated tears rising up, “So you wouldn’t have come…if you knew I was here? I was right?”

He sighed, each word said so powerfully it cut through you, “Yes. It would have changed everything! I obviously would have preferred to stay home rather than watch you make out with your new boyfriend right in front of me!”

Your eyes widened, and it seemed like he instantly regret what he said.

He squeezed his eyes shut, “I’m sorry. I didn’t…mean to yell”

Hurried footsteps distracted you, and you turned to see Kairi walking up to you, confused gaze, “Hey. Why are you all the way here?”

“Kairi. Are you okay?” You asked, immediately embracing her, “I was looking for you earlier”

She nodded, “I am. I am. I just I got to talking with Chan, and we didn’t realise how much time had passed. I’m so sorry, oh my god. Does everybody hate me for abandoning my own party?”

You shook your head, pulling back to look at her, and you were happy to see that there were no tears, “No, no, they’re all having a good time. That doesn’t matter anyway, are you okay right now? Do you feel…okay?”

She nodded, “I am. Chan and me…we talked about a lot of shit. I’ll tell you everything”

“Where is he?” Hyunjin asked.

Kairi’s eyes widened at him, “Hwang fucking Hyunjin! What did I do to deserve the honor of you showing up to my party?”

He smiled at her, and it’s like his mood had changed instantly around her, “Happy birthday, Kairi”

She jumped into his arms, tackling him in a hug, “I missed you dumbass” He hugged her back, warmly, burying his head in her shoulder, “I missed you too, Kairi”

She pushed his hair out of his face, hands resting on his cheekbones, “You look fucking hot, Jinnie. It’s been a while”

His eyes sparkled at her, cheeks flushing, “I hope you’ve been taking care of yourself too”

Why couldn’t you be the one to get a reunion so warm?  It was your fault for being bitter anyway, and for trying to start a fight with Hyunjin. You don’t even know what you were trying to do.

“I see you two have been reunited” Chan laughed, walking over to you. He glanced at you, a sheepish smile on his face, “I’m sorry about earlier, Y/N…”

“It’s okay…” You told him, “I get it. You really needed to see her”

He nodded, looking around the grounds, “So did I completely ruin the party?”

“No” Kairi shook her head, “I think most of them are too drunk to even notice I’m gone. Although…Y/N might be a little sad” She pouted at you, “You planned everything. I’m sorry it didn’t go accordingly”

You felt conscious, feeling all their eyes on you, “No, I only did it for you. If you’re happy…that’s enough for me”

Chan nodded, glancing at his wristwatch, “Fuck. It’s getting really late. We have a flight in the morning. Should we drop you guys home?”

They had a flight? To where? You shook your head to answer him, “No, that’s okay. I’m…going with Jeonghan”

Kairi giggled at his mention, “Your boy was passed the fuck out a few minutes ago. I think he drank too much. Eric said they’re gonna drive back in the morning, when they’re all sobered up. Do you wanna wait till then?”

It was almost three am, and you don’t think you could wait till dawn, “Oh…no I’ll just take a taxi home. I have class at eleven”

“A taxi from here to the city? Of course not. That’s not safe” She frowned. You forced a smile at Kairi, “Um. I’ll just take it in the morning then”

“That’s a terrible idea” Hyunjin mumbled.

“Just come with us?” Chan offered, and his voice was so sweet it was hard to say no, but they’d all known each other for years, and you’d feel too awkward riding with them, “I’m just…gonna go check with Nate, if that’s cool” 

Chan nodded, casually, “Ah. We’ll be in the parking lot. Look for the black car”

You nodded, “Got it. Thanks Chan”

You glanced at Hyunjin, and he was already looking at you, arms crossed in front of his chest. He averted his gaze as soon as you caught him. 

Back at the bonfire, Jeonghan was sitting in a beach chair, talking to a group of strangers. They must be locals who had rented some cabins. His face lit up when he saw you walk to him, “Where’d you get that sweater? Is there a mall here I don’t know about?”

“It’s just my friends” You told him, not in the mood to joke, bending down to be level at him, “Kairi said you passed out. Are you okay?”

He nodded, smiling, “I’m fine, Y/N. I just found out that these people went to the same high school as me, in LA. Isn’t that crazy?”

You glanced over, at some locals who were sat in a circle. The set-up seemed cozy, there was cider and hotdogs that lay between them, “Oh wow. It’s a small world” You told him, “Um, I came here to ask…Kairi was headed home, and she asked if I wanna come with. But I said I’ll stay with you, make sure you’re okay and everything”

Jeonghan’s lips tugged up into a smile, “Y/N. I’m more than okay. You seem tired, on the other hand. Maybe you should let Kairi take you home? I think I’ll chat here with them for an hour or so”

You nodded, biting your lip, “Are you sure? I don’t want to leave you here alone”

He rolled his eyes, “Are you trying to make me fall in love with you?”

You swallowed, “I’m just being a good friend, Nate”

He leaned ahead, pinching your cheek, “I know and so am I. Please, just get some sleep. You seem exhausted”

You sighed, dread filling you. This meant you’d have to ride with Hyunjin. “All right. I’ll…see you in class on Monday then?”

You got up, to leave but he tugged at your arm, voice dropping, “The boy from earlier. Was that…the guy we saw in the elevator…at Pegasus?”

You looked around, but nobody was listening, so you nodded, “Yeah. That was him”

Understanding settled in his features, “He was…looking at you the entire time he was here. When we were dancing…drinking. He...didn’t look away from you for a second”

“You saw that?”

“Mmh. Is that…the same guy you wanted to…Eternal Sunshine out of your mind?”

You smiled, the movie reference catching you off guard, “Yeah, but um, don’t tell anyone, please”

He grinned, imitating a zip over his mouth, “My lips are sealed”

»»————-

There was a black car in the parking lot. You found your shoes, and your jeans, abandoned by the check-in area at the campground, slipped them on and walked over to the car. The three of them stood there, and the trunk was open. Chan sat in the back, leg pulled up, sipping beer and Kairi was snuggled up to him. It was chilly out here. Hyunjin…stood across them, hands on his waist and they were laughing about something. He seemed so carefree when you weren’t there. His eyes were crinkled, and his laughter echoed in the open night. 

His sweater on you was warm, and you felt shy and awkward as you made your way to them, “Hey”

Kairi’s eyes lit up, “Y/N! Nate isn’t coming?”

“He…said he wanted to stay a bit”

“Perfect. We were waiting for you, so we could cut the cake” Chan smiled.

“What?” You laughed, noticing the little bento cake sat neatly in the back of the trunk, “Here? Just...the four of us?”

“Mmh” Kairi nodded, “My favorite people ever. It’s perfect”

Your heart warmed, and nothing had gone to plan, but it wasn’t up to you, “Sure... Why not?”

She jumped up, standing next to you on the concrete as Chan opened the box carefully. He dug into his pockets for a lighter, and lit the candles. It was…definitely not the way you’d envisioned tonight, but this was about Kairi, and in a way…this was perfect. 

Under the moonlight, in the empty parking lot, the glow of the candles was bright. Kairi leaned in, closing her eyes to make a wish, and then blew hard on the candles. Chan laughed loudly, singing a bad rendition of Happy Birthday, and you smiled at the sight. 

It was strange how they found solace in each other, in an abandoned lot miles away from the nearest city. The celebration was small, much smaller than you’d planned…but it still felt complete. You hugged Kairi, arms tight around her, and she hugged Hyunjin after you. You wonder if your scent lingered on him, through her. He said something to make her laugh, and she teased him by smearing frosting on his cheek. Hyunjin gasped, dramatically, dipping his finger right into the cake. 

“No, no, no!” Kairi laughed, hiding behind Chan. Chan rolled his eyes, “Jinnie. You’re not putting cake on her” 

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, laughing, “Relax…” Although clearly he’d been planning to do just that. Instead of putting it on her face, he licked his finger, tongue swirling around it. 

Kairi got on her toes, pulling Chan in for a hug. You still don’t know what they talked about that made them so happy again, but you would have to be patient and she would tell you everything. For a few seconds, they just held each other, indulging in and enjoying each other’s embrace Your gaze drifted to Hyunjin. There was a small smile on his face, and shamelessly he watched them. You remember how much he loved Chan and Kairi. They were…the world to him. So… he must be the happiest right now. 

Your own smile fell though, the longer you looked at Hyunjin. He must be cold, but he’d given you his sweater…it wasn’t much but it was everything right now. He made you crave him always, even when you were supposed to be so angry at him. The adoration in his eyes, the softness in his gaze…it used to be yours. He used to look at you like that, and you still didn’t understand what changed.

What happened to make him change towards you so drastically? Why didn’t he want you anymore? After the way you’d acted tonight, showing your immature, petty and vengeful side, he probably wouldn’t want to even…associate with you anymore. A wave of sadness hit you. Had your anger ruined any chance you had with him tonight? 

But…why wouldn’t you be angry at him? You had every right. Or maybe…he’d just think of you as the bitchy ex-girlfriend for the rest of his life. You were an anecdote to tell his future lovers, a girl to mention in passing, someone he had a fling with one summer. To you, he was the entire world…but he’d never reciprocate the feeling. You’d ruined everything, because of your sadness. Tears shot up to your eyes, and you looked away. 

You wish you never met Hyunjin. Your own thought killed you.

“Come on. We should get going, if we hope to make it to Seoul by dawn” Chan said, pulling away, hoarse voice. 

“You’re not driving are you?” Kairi asked him, “There’s a lot I wanna talk to you about”

“She means she wants to get drunk with you in the backseat” Hyunjin laughed.

“Same difference” Kairi shrugged, and then turned to you, “You don’t mind riding shotgun, right? Hyunjin’s a good driver”

How did you end up in this situation anyway? You'd already told Kairi that you had no problem with Hyunjin. You'd already caused so much trouble tonight.

“Yeah. I don’t mind” You mumbled. Chan closed the trunk, after making sure the cake was secure, and you walked to the front. You didn’t even know they had their own cars. You’d always assumed their managers drove for them, but their company probably had no idea they were even here. 

Huh. Hyunjin broke the rules for Chan. Just not for you.

You settled into the passenger seat, and Hyunjin sat next to you. 

“Jinnie, you’re gonna have to adjust the seat for yourself” Chan told him, as he and Kairi settled comfortably in the backseat.

“Ah. The sins of being tall” Kairi joked. In the rear view mirror, you saw them immediately snuggle together, and Chan wrapped an arm around her, like they couldn’t bear to be apart. Must be nice. You were jittery, and anxious again, having Hyunjin in such close proximity to you. You rest your hand on the console, trying to not look at his side profile, trying to not think of how you were in his sweater over your wet swimsuit.

Chan moved ahead, hand landing on the back of your seat, “So, Y/N. Tell me more. Now that you’re finally here, I’d love to hear about you”

You bit your lip, “I’m sure you already know everything there is to know about me…”

A warm sensation made you jump, and you realised Hyunjin had accidentally placed his hand on top of yours, on the console between you. 

“Sorry” He apologised, pulling his hand back.

“Um. It’s fine” You put your hands in your lap. You’d forgotten how warm and comforting his hand was. You wanted to hold it again, for the rest of the ride. Glancing in the rearview, Chan was saying something to Kairi, her face held in his big hands as he looked at her with so much love in his eyes. Perhaps this is why their car had blacked out windows.

“So…how long will it take us to get home, Jinnie?” He asked.

Hyunjin glanced at the GPS, that was above the console, “Says about three hours”

“Fuck. I’m definitely gonna fall asleep” Kairi laughed, and Chan nodded, “Me too”

Hyunjin reached into the glove compartment, taking out a pair of thin silver-rimmed glasses. He put them on, and you’d never seen him wear these before so these must be anti-glare, for the drive. Regardless…he looked suddenly ten times hotter than before, and you looked away. You would blame the alcohol for how attracted you felt to him in this moment.

“What are you waiting for, Jinnie?” Kairi asked him.

“Um. Car won’t start until everyone has their seatbelts in”

He glanced at you, and before you could even think, he had leaned over to your side, pulling your belt out of the hook. Your breath stopped as his face hovered over yours but his gaze was focused on the strap as he pulled it towards him. He clicked it in place for you, crossing the strap over your chest, and waist, then he asked you, voice low and hoarse, “That comfortable?”

Just for a second, he looked up at you, eyes meeting yours. His strong scent infiltrated you. You had no words to say. He was so close, and you just nodded, hoping that would be enough.

“We’re good now” He spoke, leaning back into his own seat, and started the car. There was absolutely no fucking need for him to be doing that for you. You knew how to put a seatbelt on, but now you wished he was always there to do it for you. 

Your chest was pounding embarrassingly loud. You think everybody could hear it. You glanced at him, and his hands rested on the wheel, and he looked so fucking attractive. The thin glasses rested on his nose, and he licked his lips, turning around, one hand on the wheel, other on the back of your seat so he could reverse the car out of its parking lot. God, you wish you never met him but you wanted to jump over the console into his lap, and kiss him for the rest of your life. 

Hyunjin cleared his throat, and looked at you before turning to face the road again. His gaze dropped to your body for a second, to his sweater hugging you tightly. You weren’t talking to each other, but… your gaze mirrored his, you’re sure. You stared at his face illuminated in the moonlight, darkened look in his eyes. So, he couldn't love you, but you still had an effect on him, and it made you feel proud. Anybody in the world would be able to tell what you wanted to do to each other. Even right now, when you hated him more than anything. Even when he’d broken your heart and made no attempt to patch it back up. 

You both said nothing, as he focused on the road, pulling out of the campgrounds to catch the highway. The silence was enough. You’d been in this car for just a few minutes, and you were already dying, air thick with tension. 

There were three long hours to Seoul, on a dark highway through the woods, with only the moonlight to guide you, and Hyunjin was inches from you. 

You had no idea how you’d make it there, without completely ruining each other.

»»————-

masterlist ⇒

please let me know if you liked the chapter, or any thoughts on this part! thank you :) 

[eatabubble]

Short

Vance x reader

Reader is like an inch taller idk

Summary - you and Vance are online friends but you ended up taking a trip to his hometown, however you can't quite get over his height

Word count: 944

I read somewhere that Tristan (Bruces actor) is like 5'5 so like since Brady (Vances actor) is almost the same height as him so I'd like to assume Vance is pretty much is the same height maybe shorter so here's this lmao

Social media and I guess advanced technology is a thing already👌🏼

☆☆☆☆

"Holy cow your short Vance"

"Shut up,"

-----

Vance and you have been friends through social media because of some cocky thing he had said on an app and when it found you, you decided to say something though it had nothing to do with you, you decided it would be funny to see how he'd respond.

So from then on you two continued to "bully" eachother or just tease a little but after around two weeks of nonsense you added eachother, both not going a day without talking since then. Due to you guys living in different states though, you've never seen one another in real life, but as soon as you got your first vehicle at 17 you decided your first big trip should be to Denver where your good, old dear pal, Vance was at, you didn't tell him though and truth be told you didn't know what to expect he never wanted to face time you, you knew he was your age though, because what type of weird middle aged man say they're 5'5? And he would show you pictures of him beating his personal high scores in pinball, but you did add him not knowing he was the school "bully" however he seemed to be nice to you, plus you'd stay there too short of a time to really know the reputation he built in his hometown.

So as you got closer to your designated spot you began to ask Vance a tad bit too many personal questions about where he hangs out the most at, and where he lives so he soon got suspicious and began connecting the dots from when you told him 3 weeks ago that you got your driver's license to when you said your parents got you a car as to when you said what his reaction would be if you drove to Denver to meet him and to now when you wouldn't stop spamming him questions along the lines of "do you live in a big neighborhood or?". So yeah your surprise was a bit of a fail but here you were now at a convenient store with a worn out logo up front, 'grab n go' and surprisingly to anyone else but you he bought all the stuff you picked out.

You couldn't lie about the fact that you felt people staring at you two inside the store, you thought maybe he was popular here, maybe that explains why they're staring at him, but if he was popular why would everybody shuffle a little further away from the both of you each step yo- he took. You didn't care too much to dig into it further as you guys left but you did end up asking him.

"Are you popular here or something Vance, because you never told me that."

"Eh, I suppose it's something like that"

"Huh?" "Doesn't matter here lets go up that hill over there" "okay!"

As you made your way up the hill he pointed at earlier, you asked if he could show you the pinball machine he always uses or if he could show you how to play, you already know to play but you wanted him to show you how he plays because if he could best his high score every time he must be doing something very right. "we already passed it y/n"

"what, where we only went to that old store down there- oh, oh was it over at the corner crowded by everybody" "mhmm"

"so I assume it's hard to get a chance to play, right?"

"Not necessarily a problem for me, I mean it basically has my name all over it but maybe for other people" "wow"

------

"You know I expected you to be a bit taller Vance, yeah you told me your height but I thought maybe you were exaggerating like you knew you were short but wanted to get the point across so you lowered the numbers a bit,"

"That makes no sense y/n, literally, what part of that was logical to you" he rolled his eyes at you.

"Hey, you don't get to make fun of me, atleast I can reach the top shelf at libraries" you knew you were exaggerating he most likely could reach it just fine but just like the first time you both talked to eachother you wanted to see how he'd respond.

"I so can reach the top shelf we're legit the same size" he replied feigning offense in his voice or maybe he was offended you couldn't really tell "you probably wouldn't know if you could or not, it's not like you've ever touched a book anyway." As he was about to snap back you grabbed one of his candies, stood up and held it high standing on your tippy toes and extending your arm as far as it can go, you knew he could pretty much reach it if he really tried because as mentioned you were pretty much the same height but he seemed to be struggling

....

"Holy cow your short Vance"

"Shut up stop saying that, I just don't want to hurt you, stop making my height a bigger deal than it is"

"Ill pray for you to grow Vance, don't you worry" you gave him his wrapped candy back.

"Geez so generous thank you, humble friend" he had a sarcastic tone to it while letting out an annoyed sigh as he finished. "You're so welcomed, Vance" you said having the biggest smile on your face. You wanted to enjoy the few days you'll be staying and what other way to do that than to annoy good ol' Vance Hopper.

[jjuzoir]

Dating Suna Rintarou HCS

Word Count: 1388

A/N: i’m sick of the suna slander 😔 i wanted some soft sunrin hc’s because it’s always drug lord rin this or toxic suna that :’) i’m too soft for that i need me some 17 y/o meme nerd who’s socially awkward and still asks himself how he got a s/o. if no one else will i will 👺

- He may be good at reading volleyball moves but he’s definitely a little dense when it comes to emotions.

- He doesn’t really talk much about them with you, it’s not that he doesn’t feel anything - he just struggles expressing himself properly with words, so in turn he tends to express himself with actions.

- He’ll struggle a lot at the beginning, afraid to upset you or overstep some boundaries that haven’t been explained, but with time he’ll grow comfortable telling you things as they are.

- The type to walk over to you when he sees you’re not feeling too good and wrap his arms around you, he doesn’t say much as you slowly return the hug and sob. He won’t say anything, he’d let you pour it out now and later have a talk with you.

- He’d have a few snacks you like on his bag too just in case you get hungry or whatever, he says they’re for him but you know he doesn’t like that brand of chips but you do.

- Once you’re done, he takes your hand and leads you to a more private area and encourages you to talk. He may not be able to solve the issue but sometimes talking about how you feel… makes things better, even if it’s just slightly.

- He’s the type to remember anything you tell him even in passing, mention something like your parent’s birthday or an appointment and he’ll just store the information in his brain and spit it out at random times.

- That includes things such as food orders and allergies, what you like and don’t, the things that make you uncomfortable or that make you feel icky; he could write a book on you. Just text him over for some food and he’ll know what to order you even if it’s a place you’ve never been to together.

- He really likes having pictures and videos of you on his camera roll, he'll have super cute pictures of you on a date one moment and then a video of you falling on your ass after you went to pick up a pencil.

- Once you start being more serious about your relationship, he’ll dedicate every game and point he scores to you. If you’re there he’ll look over to your seat and nod, his eyes naturally gravitate towards yours, he’ll always smile at you whenever he scores a point.

- Won’t say it at first but he loves it when you wear his jacket, seeing you in the stands cheering for him with the rest of his classmates pumps him up. After he notices he does better when you do, he’d probably get an extra one for you with his number on it (when Atsumu heard him asking Kita for it he broke lung laughing).

- He hesitated a lot before asking you out, he’s the type of guy to watch over his crush for a while. Not in the creepy way more in the “wow this person is so cool I want to approach them but I’m too embarrassed”-way.

- He loves it when you wear his clothes, especially his hoodies. He isn’t subtle about it at all either, Suna will straight up throw you the hoodie and be like “wow it’s so cute you’re so cute too imagine you wearing that how cute that’d be lmao” while his ears are blushing red.

- Finds everything you do cute, you could be walking towards him in the corridor and he’d be blushing and smiling to himself. Atsumu and Osamu tease the fuck out of him once you’re gone.

- Will send you random posts that remind him of you, they can go from cute pictures of cats snuggling to a deep fried image of a chicken nugget.

- “Heh, look… it’s you.” He showed you a picture, he was lying down on your lap - his hair messy from deep sleep - with his cheeks squished in your thighs.

- “Babe that’s Patrick star.” You look at the screen in confusion and continue playing with your boyfriend’s hair, slightly concerned for his well being.

- “Same energy though.” He mumbles after saving the post, he’d make it your contact picture later.

- He loves falling asleep on your lap, it’s annoying. You know once he lays his head on your thighs he’s not moving until the next hour or so. Kind of like a cat in that regard because Suna will find the worst time to cuddle you like that and he’d refuse to leave unless you move, which you normally don’t because when you do he looks extremely betrayed much to your dismay.

- He’s so soft for you, you wouldn’t realize it unless you heard him ramble about how cute you are in the dressing room but oh my god is he ready to move the world around for you.

- When he messes around during practice, Aran will threaten to call you and it’s so embarrassing. Rintarou was so sure he wouldn’t, like that’s so petty you’re actually going to call my S/O? And then Aran did it and he had not only Aran and Kita scolding him (and the Miya twins) but you were there too looking so disappointed in him. He rarely gets out of line afterwards, the face you gave him haunts him in his dreams sometimes.

- You’re his home screen! It’s not even a cute picture of you, it’s probably one he took of you while you slept in class - you’re drooling and your uniform is all messed up - and he’s just standing there holding a peace sign up and white-boy-smiling.

- He has you saved under “Suna [Name]” and he got made fun of, he swears it was a joke but when he goes to call you his cheeks get all pretty and pink.

- He doesn’t say much, his love language is more of a “whenever you need me I’ll be there”. If there’s someone who you can count on to listen to your problems and help you it’s probably Rin. He jokes around and all but when it comes to you he’s surprisingly serious.

- He’ll also let you play with his hair. His favorite is when you put butterfly clips on them and make two uneven ponytails on the side of his head, he said he was Shrek and you were his Lord Farquaad (you asked him if you saw the same movie afterwards).

- When he’s really bored, he’ll edit pictures of you into memes and send them to you at 4AM.

- Sometimes when you cuddle, you can hear him mumble about how much he loves you and whenever you bring it up he gets so mad and shy and says he was probably thinking about chicken wings or Dolly Parton.

- He sees you as his best friend and s/o, he really values the input you have but that doesn’t mean he won’t tease the fuck out of you. He’s soft but he will absolutely obliterate you, he loves joking around with you and saying the dumbest shit for fun and seeing you go blank as you hear him talk about fucking Mort from Madagascar being a evil universe colonizer.

- His favorite dates with you would be the ones where you go somewhere very pretty and try taking the ugliest pictures of each other, it always ends up with you two laughing loudly as you show each other what you took.

- Rin can play the piano and he sometimes will serenade you, it can either be a very emotional song or Megalovania.

- Sometimes, Atsumu and Osamu will ruin your dates by bumping into you guys and not leaving either of you alone. It’s embarrassing because they will not stop teasing the two of you for being in love and shit, you always end up blushing when they start talking about how much Rin loves you and how he talks about you during practice.

- Overall, Sunrin is surprisingly a soft, caring boyfriend who’s way too whipped for his well-being and is absolutely getting bullied by the team because of it.

[horansqueen]

Stuck With You - Chapter 38

Chapter 38: Stuck With You

🡪chapter 1  🡪chapter 2  🡪chapter 3  🡪chapter 4  🡪chapter 5  🡪chapter 6  🡪chapter 7  🡪chapter 8  🡪chapter 9  🡪chapter 10  🡪chapter 11 🡪chapter 12 🡪chapter 13 🡪chapter 14 🡪chapter 15 🡪chapter 16 🡪chapter 17 🡪chapter 18 🡪chapter 19 🡪chapter 20 🡪chapter 21 🡪chapter 22 🡪chapter 23 🡪chapter 24 🡪chapter 25 🡪chapter 26 🡪chapter 27 🡪chapter 28 🡪chapter 29 🡪chapter 30 🡪chapter 31 🡪chapter 32  🡪chapter 33 🡪chapter 34 🡪chapter 35 🡪chapter 36 🡪chapter 37

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

I wanna get stuck with you In the middle of the party We're just getting started I wanna get stuck with you  In the eye of the tornado Rowing in the same boat I wanna get stuck with you Get stuck in the middle with you I wanna get stuck with you

Gotta go with the flow And ride the wave right where we're supposed to Yeah, we can go through all the highs and lows Yeah, life's a crazy roller coaster

click here to be on the update list

NIALL

                                              We were lucky enough to find a store still open, buying everything she needed to snowboard before renting more equipment. I looked at her getting ready with a small smile and tried not to chuckle. She was endearing, and the fact that she was ready to try this just for me meant a lot and also proved a lot.

"Shit, I forgot my phone!" she let out, rolling her eyes and making me raise my eyebrows.

"Do you really need it right now?" I asked with a chuckle. "I have mine." I patted my shirt pocket and grimaced immediately, letting out a groan. "Fuck, I forgot mine too."

"Do you really need it right now?" she teased with a grin, making me smile more.

"Yes, one of us has to have one, just in case something happens." I took my gloves off and put them on the couch next to her. "Wait for me okay? I'll do quick."

She nodded and I looked around, realizing the place was more quiet than I thought it would be. I rushed to the hall and took the elevator, running to our room and walking in. The light was still on and I grabbed my phone on the nightstand where I left it but finally decided to search for hers, too. It took me about a minute to notice it on the desk placed against the wall and grabbed it, turning around to leave, before something caught my attention.

I frowned, recognizing the back of my head on a picture, and took it in my hand to look at it better. My eyes quickly roamed on my shoulder, neck and hair but when they stopped on Devon's forehead and hair, I held my breath. My fingers were slipped in it and my heart started thumping in my chest. I remembered exactly how I felt at that moment, how deep inside her I was, how her lips parted in pleasure. It was the very first time we ever had sex and looking at that picture made me realize we would always have something to remind us of this moment, something that would always bring many emotions inside me, including lust and love. I already loved her at that moment and I wanted to believe she did too.

I ran my finger on the part of her forehead I could see and sighed. It was still not completely clear between us, I knew we had a lot of things to talk about, but I was not sure what exactly stopped her from giving us a chance. I loved her, and she loved me, and obviously, we had been been through bad relationships and I was sure that neither of us would want the other to suffer again the way we had before. Besides, it was totally different. Abby didn't love me and I was pretty sure Henry didn't really love her either.

I couldn't believe she had brought the pictures with her and it made me wonder why she never showed them to me. She had talent to take pictures, there was no doubt about it, but this picture had probably turned out that good mostly because of luck. She couldn't have put much thought into it, giving the position she was in, but the result was incredible and something twisted in my stomach as I looked at it. I didn't know if other people beside us would be able to feel all the emotions that emanated from it but at the same time, I didn't really care. I liked to think we were the only ones who could understand, the only ones who could really feel deeply about it because of how involved we were. It was even slightly scary to know that some people could look at it without understanding the degree of intimacy in it.

I was about to put the picture back on the desk where I found it when the light of the room reflected something behind it. I turned it around and read the words written quickly at first and then slowly the second time. It was Devon's handwriting and I immediately recognized the second part she had scribbled. My heart skipped a beat as I re-read my own lyrics of the song I had written for her and I shook my head slightly. She had an incredible memory and it made the left corner of my lips raise in a small smile. I went back to the first part and my smile fell when I realized she had written an actual verse for my song.

"Darlin', are you always tryin' to blame me? Is it me or 'cause you came here? Just accept that time was wrong Oh, change thee I've been thinkin' bout it lately We never finished what we started Now I'm fearful that it's gone."

I sang it in my head a few times before doing it out loud but still very low. It fitted perfectly and I sighed, my eyes still roaming on the words. It was amazing to think we sort of wrote a song together and I loved knowing that each verse was the point of view of one of us. Did she know the song was about her? That thought made my heart jump in my chest before I rolled my eyes and let out a chuckle. It was not a secret that I loved her, not anymore, and it was a good thing. I wasted so much time trying to hate her even though I knew it was impossible.

I grabbed my phone and snapped a picture of the lyrics she wrote but also of the picture she took to be able to look at it whenever I wanted and finally checked my watch. I had been gone for a while and I rushed out, reaching the elevator as fast as I could. When I walked back to her, she was sitting on the couch, her head leaned on the back and her lips parted. I could hear her snore lightly and I chuckled, shaking my head.

"Devie, hey." I said softly, bending down to shake her gently and making her whimper. "Wake up."

She groaned and sat up quickly, rubbing her eyes and letting out a sigh. She was cute when she slept and I waited a few seconds until her eyes fluttered open to talk again.

"Come on, we only have time for a few basic things."

She got up but almost tripped and I held her, chuckling again.

"You okay?" I asked, moving my face a bit closer to look at her.

She sent me a small smile and nodded. "Yea sorry, just give me a few minutes to wake up completely." she licked her lips and finally raised her eyebrows. "Hey, what took you so long?"

"Oh, I couldn't find your phone." I half-lied, searching my pocket and handing it to her. "I put it in a plastic bag for you, just in case you drop it in the snow or something."

Her head tilted and she sent me a fond smile before pressing her lips together. I felt my heart skip a beat when she moved closer but she stopped herself suddenly. "Thank you."

I wanted her to kiss me. I wanted her to do it first, for once. It seemed like I was always the one who made the first move no matter what we did, especially when it came to something romantic. Maybe she's had had a few initiatives when it came to sex but somehow, whenever it was about love, she seemed reluctant.

"You're welcome." I whispered, fighting the urge I had to kiss her.

We grabbed our stuff and walked outside. I saw her shiver next to me when a whiff of cold air hit us but she still followed me to a very small slope. I tried to show her the basics but she was clearly scared to hurt herself and I finally sat next to her in the snow after she fell.

"How about we go a bit higher?" I proposed, smiling gently when I saw the alarmed expression on her face. "I'll be there with you, okay?"

It took her about a minute to answer. Her eyes roamed on my face and once again, I thought she was going to kiss me and my eyes dropped to her lips. She probably noticed because she licked them nervously and my gaze moved back to her eyes.

"Okay."

I helped her up and we walked slowly to the chairlift in silence. I kept glancing at her and she did the same but it's only when we were half-way there, completely up in the air that everything stopped. My heart jumped in my chest and my eyes got bigger when I realized we were stuck and I swallowed hard, turning to her as she did the same. Her lips curled a bit and she burst into laughing, throwing her head back and making my lips curl.

"It's good luck, remember?" she pointed out, smiling more. "That's what you said!"

"I still think that!" I laughed with her, taking my gloves off to grab my phone. "I'll text Lewis, I know he's near his phone. He can inform them and they'll come get us."

I typed something quickly and sent it, my eyes stuck to the screen until I got an answer from my friend that simply consisted of a laughing emoji and a thumb up.

"It's weird isn't it?" I finally said after a few minutes of silence. "How we always get stuck together somewhere when we have something to solve."

She turned her head my way and tilted it, sending me a small but curious frown. "We have something to solve?"

I turned my body as much as I could to face her and shook my head, my eyebrows raised. "Yes we do. Devie, why don't you want me to say you're my girlfriend?"

"We.. We didn't even discuss it."

"We are now." I pointed out with a sigh. "You said you loved me, we made love this afternoon. I didn't tell our friends because I saw how you reacted when I said the 'g' word this morning in the closet but, what do I have to do?"

"You don't get it."

"No! No I don't!"

I was trying to keep my cool but I wanted her to open up to me, I needed it. I needed her and I needed to be with her. It sounded obsessed, it was intense, but It was driving me crazy to know how she felt without being able to really be with her.

"I do love you! I love you so much Niall I don't think you understand!" she let out before breathing in deeply. I saw her tear up and my lips parted slightly. "You remember when you said I moved you? That my art moved you? Henry used to say that too. I know you're not him, but it's not easy for me to put aside all the pain I went through with him just to throw myself in a new relationship. I don't know how you do it. Abby has hurt you so much too and you're just ready to... to jump back into something official and serious with me." She breathed in and I noticed a tear falling down her right cheek. I wanted to reach out to her but I couldn't, I felt paralyzed. "I am nothing special. I am not like the girls you've been with. I am... I am lost, and scared, and scarred! I love you but I'm scared! I'm scared I'll give you everything and that you'll break me the way I was broken before! But I love you so much more than I loved him! I feel so much closer to you than I ever felt to him! And if you... if you leave... When you realize I'm average... or even below..."

I waited a few seconds, staring at her and she sniffed. It was crazy that she kept all that inside for so long, and at the same time, I was so happy she was finally telling me how she feels.

"Are you done yet?" I asked making her look in my eyes again before sending her a small smile. "Devie, I'm scared too. But I love you, I'm in love with you, and I'm ready to take that chance, because being without you is worse than being heartbroken by you. It's ok to love again!"

She sniffed again and pressed her lips together. I brought my hand to her face and brushed my fingertips on her skin, smiling more. "If you shut yourself from feelings, you may make sure that nothing bad happens and that your heart won't be broken, but you also miss all the good things and all the love you could get." I explained in a low tone. "I can't promise you that everything will always be perfect, but I promise I'll keep trying because that's how much I love you. I told you, Devie, you're my main girl. You're the protagonist of this story. No one can take your role. No one."

Her lips curled too and she chuckled before nodding quickly and bending closer to me. She pressed her lips on mine, making me smile too. "I wouldn't want to be stuck here with anyone else." she whispered, making me chuckle before kissing me deeper.

We started laughing against each other's mouth when the chairlift started moving again and finally walked back inside. We were both very cold and we decided to just go back to our room, taking the elevator in silence again. We both got changed into warm clothes and sat in bed together. She leaned her head on my shoulder and moved her legs over mine. I smiled when I saw her warm socks and left a kiss on top of her head.

"That painting you made here the other night..." I started gently, leaning my cheek on top of her head. "It was the first time I saw you paint with light colors. It was beautiful, it looked like a summer sky."

She reached for my hand on her thigh and intertwined our fingers. "All the paintings I made since I arrived here were about you. My art has been about you and my feelings for you, the emotions you made me feel." she explained, surprising me a bit, especially that all my songs were about her. "You make me feel those colors. You make me feel light and clear and warm. You make me feel alive."

"That's not what the painting in our room says, the one you gave me. There's yellow, but there's so much darkness in it. Every time I look at it, I feel horrible for ever making you feel so bad. I'm sorry, Devie."

She moved away slowly to turn around and face me. Her lips curled softly on the left and she licked her lips, shaking her head slightly. "You got it all wrong, Niall." she pointed out gently, raising her eyebrows. "You're not the black in that painting. You're the yellow. You're the light trying to reach me, stopped by my own demons and fears. You're the light in my life, Niall. You've always been the light."

I brought both my hands to her face and cupped her cheeks, kissing her harder than intended. I felt her move closer and straddle me and I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her as close to me as possible. "I love you, Devie, I love you so much." I whispered in-between kisses. "Since the first day."

"I love you too." she murmured back, slipping her hands in my hair. "I always have."

----

We got prepared together the next morning and whenever I'd walk near her, I'd pull her close to kiss her lips and she'd giggle or smile. There was something natural in the way we moved together around the room, even in a place we were not used to, and I couldn't help but think it was a proof that we were made for each other. When we were ready, I grabbed her hand and pulled her closer, making her twirl around as she started laughing and I walked to the door, bringing her with me. We took the elevator to meet our friends downstairs but when the doors opened, I let go of her hand, not really sure if she had changed her mind. I didn't want to rush her, and I didn't want to lose her either. She glanced at me but still followed me to the main room where all our friends were waiting for us, talking and laughing together.

I turned to look at her as her eyes roamed on everyone and after about a minute, I felt her hand reach mine and grab it tight. It took a few seconds but Lewis finally noticed us, his lips curling into a smirk when he noticed we were holding hands. He hit Louis a bit roughly who just frowned but finally turned to us too before our friends noticed us one by one. I cleared my throat when Louis jumped off the couch with a big smile.

"Fuckin' finally!" he yelled, catching the attention of almost everyone in the room. "That's it? That's official? You two are dating?"

"Yes, it's official." Devon replied loud and clear, surprising everyone.

I noticed Mandy winking at her and squeezed her fingers tighter as Louis walked quickly to us, throwing his arms around my girlfriend's neck and holding her close.

"Took you long enough." he told her with a chuckle as she wrapped her free arm around him. "I'm so happy for you two."

Lewis walked to me to hug me too and then almost everyone followed. I noticed Abby sending me a small and sad smile from afar and I just smiled back gently at her, surprised that she took it so well.

"Okay!" Louis let out, clapping in his hands. "Who's hungry?"

Everyone started talking at the same time and they all decided to go to the restaurant to get some food before starting the day. I stopped Devon as she was following them, pulling on her arm to bring her closer to me and just wrapped my arms around her as she tilted her chin up, sliding her hands on my back.

"So that's it? You're my girlfriend?" I asked with an amused grin, making her smile too.

"Mmhm, I'm ready to try that boyfriend/girlfriend thing with you."

"Are you happy, Devon Eaton?" I whispered low, looking down at her.

Her traits softened and she looked at me fondly, in a way no one else had ever looked at me. "Happier than I've ever been. I love you, Niall Horan."

"Not as much as I love you."

[lumosinlove]

Coast To Coast

part vii

Harvard University, 2014

There must have been a greater power taunting him.

“Sexy!” Anderson—forward, number 77, alternate captain—had said in the locker room. “That is this year’s Halloween theme, boys. Bring your girls, bring your booze, bring your minimal clothing, bring your A-game.”

Sexy. That was definitely just what Logan needed for his first OKN house halloween party. His new teammates. In minimal clothing.

He rolled onto his back on his dorm bed with a sigh, continuing to scroll through his phone while he waited for Finn to get out of their shared bathroom.

Finn O’Hara. Harzy, the boys called him. Right wing but didn’t always play that way, number 17, a sophomore. Originally from New York City. Logan’s new roommate.

“It’s how it works, rookie,” Anderson had said. “Baby OKs share. You’ll get your own room eventually.”

Logan was fine having a roommate. He had had one at prep school. He didn’t even care if they were messy, he was sure he was twice as bad. But Finn O’Hara. Red hair, six foot even, brown eyes—bambi, the boys called him. A little on the thinner side, but Logan could tell he could bulk up if he wanted to. Finn O’Hara.

There must have been some greater power taunting him.

“Fuck,” Finn’s voice came from within the bathroom. The door was open, but not enough for Logan to see anything. “My balls are going to hate me.”

Logan snorted. “We wear spandex every other day of the year.”

“Yeah, breathable sports spandex, not this plastic shit. Jesus fuck,” there was a groan. “At least I look alright.”

“Stop staring at yourself and let me get in there.”

“Okay, okay,” Finn said, and Logan watched the door move as he pushed it open.

The universe hated him.

Finn was some sort of gladiator, Logan thought, with nothing on but a red cape that clasped around his neck and shoulders, and a pair of tight, gold underwear that left nothing to Logan’s imagination. They had a fake, foam sword clipped at the hip. He had gold paint on beneath his eyes, streaked like a football player, and a gold laurel crown sitting in his red hair. His pale skin was creamy against the gold and the frame of the dark red cape. He had cheap looking sandals on that went all the way up his strong calves, biting into the muscle a little.

Finn spread his arms, turning in a slow circle. “Look at these fucking things. Who makes these and why?”

Logan swallowed, looking at the gold underwear. “For frat parties, I’m guessing.”

“Yeah,” Finn laughed and then bent over his bed to fold his discarded clothes up. His cape slipped away from his back and Logan sat up abruptly.

“Merde, Harzy, those things are barely holding onto you.”

“I told you, my dick is gonna hate me,” Finn said loudly.

Logan smiled and swiped his party city bag from his dresser. “Souhaite moi bonne chance.”

“Swat bon,” Finn rolled his eyes.

Logan laughed and slipped into the bathroom. He could hear Finn putting some music on as he undressed, singing along softly under his breath. Logan gave himself a moment to close his eyes and breathe, fingering his necklace. He’d known Finn for a little over two months. That was it. And already he liked him in the morning. He liked him drunk off his ass. He liked him on the rare lazy day, still under his covers reading a book and wearing his glasses. His glasses. Dark tortoise shell things that turned amber in the sunlight, like his eyes, and just—fuck. He liked Finn on the ice and like it when they were on the same line, something that was happening more and more frequently. He liked Finn, and Finn seemed to like him well enough, and Coach liked them together. The found each other on the ice every time. Logan had never had that before.

Logan rubbed his hands over his face and then reached into the plastic bag for his costume—if he could call it that. A black cape, clasped by the yellow and black Batman symbol, the iconic mask that covered his eyes, and what could only be called underwear. They were black and shiny, with the bat symbol on the ass.

“Merde,” Logan breathed once he squeezed his thighs into the shorts. It was—obscene. He wasn’t hung like some of the guys he’d seen but this certainly made it look like he was. His cock pressed against the fabric as insistently as his ass did. He turned around and looked at the yellow symbol there and was glad that the cape would be covering at least some of it.

“Ready?” Finn said when thumping music started up downstairs meaning people were starting to arrive.

Logan looked out the small bathroom window and towards the dark driveway. Cars were lining up. People were getting out in bikinis and corsets, speedos and stockings.

“Uh, yeah,” Logan said. “One second.”

He looked at himself in the mirror and laughed a little before spinning the bat mask once, and placing it over his head. His hair curled out from under it, and the black frame made his eyes look a little startling.

He looked—not bad. If he was looking to pick up tonight—which he hadn’t done yet at Harvard—he probably could. He turned and looked at his abs, defined from the rigorous pre-season training. He looked good. He pushed away the wish that Finn would notice.

“I’m ready,” Logan said and stepped into the weird plush boots that had come with the costume. He pushed his way out of the bathroom. “Sounds like people are here.”

Finn looked up from his phone, legs spread in a way that was doing Logan zero favors. “Yeah, I—”

Finn’s stare was one Logan had felt before. Spotting him in the weight room, checking each other during drills. Two months of that look that Logan refused to think about. But that was a hard thing, when he had nothing to do but look right into it.

Finn stood abruptly, taller, gold paint reflecting into his eyes and making them light like syrup.

“What’s your,” Finn swallowed. “Tattoo. Necklace. I’ve never asked.”

“Oh,” Logan looked down at his hip. “It’s a fleur-de-lis. Sort of a family thing. Me and my sisters have them in different places.”

“How many sisters do you have?”

“Three. They’re older than I am.”

“Fleur-de-lis,” Finn repeated softly, eyes on the tattoo. He swallowed again and then looked away. “Sick. Should we go?”

“Yeah,” Logan said. “Yeah, I need a drink if I gotta wear this thing all night.”

Finn laughed. “Uh-huh. Me, too.”

Logan lasted about an hour before he couldn’t stand his mask anymore. He left it on a table somewhere, pushing his sweaty hair off of his forehead and wishing for a hat. He’d have to settle for something cool to drink instead.

OKN house had the back door open into the chilly yard and porch. The living room had a drinks table set up, one of those plastic fold out ones that they used at rush and club fairs, beside the great oak dining table that no one actually used except, well, Finn. Finn who planned his essays at this table until it was way too late and he snuck up to the room, trying to be quiet for Logan. Logan, who stayed up just to see him go about his routine and fall into bed. Logan, pretending he was a part of that routine.

Logan might have had a Finn problem. A two-month long Finn problem. A Finn-in-glasses problem. A Finn-dressed-as-a-gladiator problem. A Finn-in-his-red-Harvard-jersey problem with his rough skating and sharp shots.

A Finn over in the corner problem, talking to a girl. Problem.

Logan turned to the drink table and desperately looked for the rum.

Logan was allowed to have a Finn problem. Logan just couldn’t have a Finn…anything else. Finn-wet-dreams, in which he woke up with a gasp, sweating against his sheets and only needing to shove his hand into his pajama pants where he was red and swollen in his own hand, barely touching himself before he was shooting into his fist, eyes resolutely away from the bed across from him. Finn-bringing-him-breakfast, not that he could make more than burnt toast, before he drove them to the rink. Finn-laughing-with-him, like a best friend that Logan had never actually had. There were teammates, and then there were friends.

Finn was a friend. Logan could have a Finn problem, a Finn secret, and a friend.

He just couldn’t have Finn.

The rum was no where to be seen. A shoulder bumped his.

“Hey, rookie,” Finn smiled. “What you looking for?”

Finn’s crown was lopsided, like some sort of halo in an old painting. Like someone had been messing with it. Logan looked for the girl, but she was gone.

“Rum,” Logan said.

Finn did a quick survey of the table and found the bottle easily, unstoppering it and reaching over to pour a healthy amount into Logan’s waiting cup.

“Coke, right?”

Logan nodded.

A Finn-knowing-his-drink-problem.

Finn made himself one, too, and held his cup out for a cheers with a smile. Logan smiled back, clicking their plastic cups together.

“Lost your mask somewhere, Batman. Now the whole world knows your secret.”

Logan laughed tightly and raised his cup to his mouth. “I can’t have that.”

Finn tilted his head, chewing a little on the rim of his cup before taking a drink. He cleared his throat. “You been to the roof yet?”

“Non,” Logan shook his head.

“Wanna? It’s a kinda cool view of campus.”

Logan tried to smile over the hammering in his blood. “That girl didn’t wanna join you?”

Finn rolled his eyes. “Come on.” He pushed off the table and was disappearing into the crowd quickly. Logan squeezed through bodies to follow.

~

“I found the picture,” Finn shouted. “Nut—fuck, is he still at the store?”

“Oui,” Logan said, filling up a glass of water from the sink. “Did you really find it? Let me see.”

Logan padded over to where Finn was sprawled on the couch and set his glass down before crouching near Finn’s head to see his phone.

“Oh God,” Logan laughed, ducking against Finn’s shoulder.

“Are you kidding? Lo, you look incredible. Fuck me, look at your legs. And you’re bigger now, like Jesus Christ… Ugh.”

Finn swiped his thumb lightly over where Logan’s tattoo was shown on his hip, just above the ridiculous yellow belt.

“This thing used to drive me crazy,” he said softly. “I mean, it still does, but…fuck.”

Finn used to have fantasies, while wishing for Logan, all of which had been very carefully kept faceless. Until this tattoo would make an appearance and ruin it all—and make him come immediately. It was ingrained in his subconscious as a Logan thing, one moment he would be touching himself in the shower, letting his mind wander quietly towards a hard chest against his, a large hand around his dick instead of his own. Faceless. He’d take the boy and press him against the wall of the shower maybe, do whatever he wanted him to do, kiss his neck, rut their cocks together, maybe he would moan Finn’s name—

Logan’s voice. The hip he had his fingers wrapped around was darkly inked, and tanned.

“Mon rouge,” Logan’s voice—really his voice—came through. Finn looked up at the touch of fingers through his hair. “Where did you go?”

Finn looked at Logan and took a slow breath. He was so familiar. He had been right there for so long, but it was only now that he was close.

“That was…” Finn swallowed. “Kind of a hard night.”

Logan’s brows drew together, and he nodded minutely after a moment. “We’ve had a few hard nights, non?”

Finn looked back at his phone, and then Logan was taking it out of his hand, clicking it off, and setting it on the coffee table. Finn sat up a little as Logan climbed into his lap, knees pressed to his hips. Finn ran his hands over his shoulders, then up beneath his sweatshirt to his broad back. He was bigger now. Stronger.

Logan pressed his fingers through Finn’s hair again and then a kiss to his jaw, one side, and then the other, his cheeks, and then his mouth.

“They lead us here,” Logan said softly. “The hard nights.”

Finn’s throat felt tight. He squeezed his eyes shut. “Fuck. I know. I know they did.”

“Let me show you it’s easier now,” Logan said. “D’accord? Harzy, let me.”

“Lo,” Finn rasped out. He ran his thumb over where he knew the tattoo was, had memorized it quickly, would kiss it endlessly.

“You work hard for everyone,” Logan said the words into another kiss. “You worked hard trying to make me not be afraid, even when I was horrible and terrified.” He kissed down Finn’s throat and Finn’s mouth dropped open. “Even when you were terrified, even when I hurt you. Let me. Finn…”

Finn let out a breath, eyes opening to the ceiling, then to Logan’s when he brought their mouths back together.

"Let me.”

“I took you to the roof,” Finn gasped as Logan pressed against him, warm and real. “I don’t know what I was expecting, I…fuck, we barely knew each other.”

“Do you have any idea how much I wanted you,” Logan said. “Lean up for a sec.”

Finn let Logan pull his t-shirt off of him, let him press wet kisses to his neck and shoulders. It felt good, but part of him itched to flip them, to make Logan feel good. Kiss down his chest, kiss that tattoo.

“Relax,” Logan laughed softly, easing Finn back against the cushions. “You have to let me love you. I need it, Finn. I need to.”

Finn’s cock began to fatten up at that. He let his head fall back. “Lo…”

Logan reached behind him to yank his sweatshirt off and—and there he was. Real.

Finn pressed his palms against his chest, his stomach, feeling the hard curves of his muscles. Logan pressed his hands over Finn’s, bringing them to touch his neck, his pecs. “Let me take care of you for once. Rest and let me.”

Logan leaned down for another, soft kiss and then was swinging off of the couch. His cock was a soft outline in his sweatpants. “Allez.”

Logan pulled Finn up and Finn couldn’t help but back him against the nearest wall, just for a moment, thumb back against the fleur-de-lis, lips harsh against his jaw, just the way he knew Logan liked.

Logan let out a laugh that cut off in a moan. “Non, non—”

Finn pulled back and Logan’s smile made him smile. Logan was flushed and his neck was red from Finn’s mouth. Finn sucked a bruise on top of the blush on the side of his throat, and Logan’s short nails pressed into Finn’s back. Finn reached down and cupped Logan’s cock within his sweatpants, feeling the heat of it through the fabric.

“Non, non, non, allez,” Logan was still half laughing, walking Finn backwards towards his bedroom. “Je prends soin de toi. I’m taking care of you.”

“But I like making you come,” Finn grinned, only just managing to give Logan’s ass a squeeze before Logan pushed him back onto the bed. He bounced a little, pushing himself against the pillows before tapping his thighs. “C’mere, baby.”

Logan shucked his sweatpants off, followed by his socks, and then it was just him, bare and standing there in front of Finn. Finn swore softly and reached down to palm himself.

“Non,” Logan shook his head and knelt on the bed, cock standing out and wet. The sight only made Finn give himself another squeeze. Logan was straddling his hips then, snatching his hands and moving them to his waist. Finn wrapped his arms all the way around Logan, bringing their bare chests together.

He kissed him hard. “Gonna take my pants off, too? Can’t do much like this.”

Logan scoffed and hit the side of Finn’s head lightly, making Finn laugh. But he obliged, coaxing Finn to lift his hips so he could pull his sweatpants away. He leant to kiss the newly exposed skin, mouth soft against Finn’s hips and stomach, hand wrapping around his cock. Finn let out a slow breath and tangled his fingers in Logan’s hair.

He wasn’t expecting it when Logan sucked the head of his cock into his mouth. Logan hadn’t done that yet. He made Finn sit up, abs tightening.

“Tremz,” he panted out a breath. “Oh fuck.”

Leo had been wanting and loving about going down on Finn. It had practically broken Finn’s brain, seeing him there, blue eyes open with his mouth full of his cock. They’d laughed and kissed sending those videos to Logan. It was unbearably hot, thinking of Logan, seeing them, wanting them.

This was entirely different. It was different with both of them. With everything.

Leo and Finn liked to read together, swapping favorite passages. Logan didn’t read much, but he liked to be read to. Finn had always known that, had done it a million times back at Harvard. But now he knew that Logan liked to lay on Finn’s chest while he read, aloud or to himself, and fall straight asleep. He’d always fallen asleep to Finn’s voice. But now he was a weight on top of Finn, breathing softly against his neck and Finn just…

Logan’s mouth was soft, too, tongue pressing against the head of his cock.

Finn loved him.

“Lo, Lo, Lo…” Finn panted. “Fuck, baby.”

Logan just hummed and sucked down further for a moment before popping off and smiling a sweet smile. “Did it with Leo.”

Finn huffed out a laugh, throbbing at the image. “I should be no fucking problem, then.”

Logan laughed, too. “I hope he comes home soon.”

“Me, too,” Finn said. He wanted him with them.

“I guess I know a way to pass the time until he comes back.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” Logan smiled and rolled onto his back, producing lube from Finn didn’t know where. He spread his thighs. “Love it when Knutty does this, the fucking splits.”

Finn leaned forward, running his hands down Logan’s smooth skin. “Yeah. I didn’t even think about how goalies do that until him.”

Finn watched Logan’s face as he slipped two fingers into himself.

“Baby,” Finn said softly. “Let me.”

“Non, you watch.”

Finn sat up further, hand going to his cock—

“Don’t,” Logan panted, head against the bedspread as he worked himself. “Watch.”

Finn sighed and took Logan’s thighs back in his hands and kissed the inside of his knee. There was a little scar there from a night that happened a long time ago. Finn remembered.

Logan laughed breathlessly. “You can’t help yourself.”

“I love you so much.”

Logan’s breathing hitched, green eyes hazy. “Finn…”

Finn kissed it again, and then the other one, and then his thighs. He sucked kisses into the skin, bringing purple to the surface. Logan was marked by the time he sat up.

He was quiet as he pressed Finn back against the pillows. He wet his lips.

“Lo, what—”

“Why do you have your socks on, you weirdo,” Logan said as he swung a leg over Finn’s thighs. Finn’s cock nudged his entrance, and Logan gasped, cutting himself off.

He leaned down and captured Finn’s mouth in a needy kiss and reached behind himself to line Finn up. It was only then that Finn realized—Logan was going to—

Logan’s thighs were firm beneath Finn’s hands as he sunk down on him. Finn’s mouth dropped open at the feeling, of Logan in complete control. It wasn’t like fucking him at all, it was Logan, above him, head tilted back with the feeling of Finn filling him up.

“Finn,” Logan’s voice was more whine than anything else. “Finn, Finn, Finn—“

And he was seated, their hips together, Logan’s cock drooling between them.

“Holy shit,” Finn could barely breathe in. “Holy fucking shit, Lo.”

Logan got his knees under him and pushed himself up before sinking down again. Finn clutched Logan’s hips as all the breath seemed to punch out of Logan’s lungs. He did it again, and again, landing hard with each thrust, completely gone with fucking himself on Finn’s cock. Finn was mesmerized with the wide expanse of tan skin he had to kiss, Logan’s collarbones and shoulders, tongue running over his nipples as Logan’s thighs worked around him.

Logan shifted his hips and pitched forward into Finn’s chest with a curse, burrowing his face in Finn’s neck as he rolled his hips forward in small, sharp motions, hitting that spot inside him again and again.

“There you go, baby,” Finn said, wrapping his arms under Logan’s and around his broad shoulders. He pushed up in time with Logan, making Logan practically shout. “Be as loud as you want, there you go.”

“Finn,” Logan just kept saying, slipping a few times and saying Leo’s name instead. It made Finn all the hotter to think that Logan was imagining Leo there with them, sitting beside them on the bed, maybe working Logan’s cock into his mouth.

Logan’s breathing hitched up and he tightened his arms around Finn’s neck, fingers gripping his hair to pull Finn back for a sloppy kiss as he started to raise his hips again, skin slapping down against Finn’s. He worked until Finn was sure his thighs had to be burning, no matter how toned they were. Finn was going to lose his fucking mind.

“What,” a voice came from the doorway.

Finn looked up to the side to see Leo standing there, keys in his hand.

“Leo,” Logan gasped, and reached a hand out while rocking himself down on Finn’s dick.

Leo walked forward slowly towards the bed and took Logan’s hand like he was in a daze, staring at their naked bodies, slick with sweat by now. Logan yanked him forward and started undoing his belt.

“Hi, Peanut,” Finn panted, head falling back again as Logan rocked against him harder. “Store was—good?”

“I…” Leo was staring at where Logan was wrapping an arm around his waist now, leaning forward to press sloppy kisses over where Leo’s cock was quickly filling in his underwear.

“Knutty,” Logan said, before getting his fingers under the band of Leo’s boxers and pulling down so that Leo’s cock fell out. Leo laced his fingers into Logan’s hair, a laugh startling out of him.

“Logan, oh my god, I’m still holding my keys and wallet. I have my shoes on.”

“Allez.”

Leo just shook his head, raking his fingers through Logan’s sweaty hair. He dropped his things onto the night stand and then tugged his t-shirt off in one go, pushing off his shoes next. Logan let him undress, turning back to Finn and pressing his hands to Finn’s shoulders.

“Don’t touch him,” Leo said as he kicked his boxers aside. He fell down on the bed beside Finn and wrapped a large palm around himself, stroking his shaft. “Come on Finn’s cock, Tremz.”

“Non. Finn.”

Finn watched Logan and Leo share a look that he didn’t quite understand.

“I found the Batman picture,” Finn offered as a hopeful way to get into whatever silent communication Leo and Logan were having. “Sort of—” Finn hissed as Logan tightened around him. “Stirred up some memories if you couldn’t tell, fuck.”

Leo raised an eyebrow, shifting to sit on his heels. “Oh yeah?” He ran a hand down Logan’s back and Logan slowed until he was rocking gently, leaning a little into Leo. Leo looked at Finn. “How’d he look, Harzy?”

“He looked—” Finn began, and then cut off. The sudden well of emotion that had cut through him earlier seized around his heart again. He looked at Leo, all kind eyes, running his hand through Finn’s hair. And Logan, connected to Finn in every possible way right then. Finn opened and closed his mouth, swallowed over a dry throat, and looked at Logan. “He looked…”

~

The October air was a relief on Finn’s face when he pushed open the old window to the roof of OKN house. He turned back to look at Logan. They had thrown sweatpants and sweatshirts on, Finn had swiped a bottle of rum from the kitchen. The only real remnants of their outfits was Logan’s mussed hair and the gold on Finn’s cheeks.

Finn still felt like he was wearing a costume. 

“This is semi-secret,” Finn said as he climbed out onto the tiles, vans catching on the rough material. “And by that I mean I really think no one likes it out here but me.”

He heard Logan laugh from behind him and smiled, pleased.

Fuck.

“You, the roof, and the dining room table,” Logan said.

The rum sloshed gently as Finn settled himself in the curve of the tiles, putting his hood up for some warmth and cushion. Logan did the same, and they settled shoulder to shoulder.

“Might have to steel your spot,” Logan said. “You can keep the table, though.”

“We already share a room and a starting line,” Finn handed him the bottle. “Wouldn’t be so bad.”

Logan’s smile was bright in the moonlight. “Well, good.”

They were quiet for a few moments, passing the rum back and forth to keep warm.

“Do you think you’re gonna make it? To play, I mean.” Logan asked him suddenly.

Finn knew Logan didn’t know just how loaded of a question he was asking. Was Finn going to make it? Hopefully. Was Finn going to survive it? If there was another teammate who became what Logan was quickly becoming, if Finn slipped up…

Hopefully.

He couldn’t read Logan. He couldn’t risk misreading Logan. He shouldn’t even try.

“Yeah,” Finn nodded. “I do, actually. I…you know, there’s all those statistics and shit but I also…feel it? If that doesn’t sound completely stupid? You?”

“I…” Logan hesitated. “I’m not sure.”

“Come on, have you seen you play?”

One corner of Logan’s mouth raised, but he looked different beneath the moon. He was looking intently at Finn, bottle clutched to his chest.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I feel…”

Finn waited for him to continue, but when Logan merely shrugged, he pressed on.

“Hey, I’d take you. Any day.”

It didn’t have the intended effect. The look that crossed Logan’s face looked almost—pained.

“I mean,” Finn tried to decide how to backtrack. “Maybe one day, eh? Anything could happen.”

Logan turned to look out over campus. He nodded mutely and took another drink. Finn felt concern draw around his heart.

“Lo, are you okay?”

Logan’s eyes snapped back to him. “Quoi?”

“What? Oh. Oh. Oh, no, I…” Finn laughed, a little awkwardly. “I didn’t really mean to…that’s been, like—it’s just been bouncing around my head for a while and I guess it slipped out.”

“That’s okay,” Logan said slowly. “I’m okay.”

“It’s okay if you aren’t. I mean… freshman year, Harvard hockey…it’s a lot of pressure. Believe me, I know.”

Another surprising thing. Logan closed his eyes and shook his head. “Non.”

Finn blinked. “What do you mean?”

Logan shook his head. “Nothing, I just…I’m probably a little drunk, I don’t even know.”

Finn let Logan hand the bottle of rum back to him, clutching it to his chest just to hold onto something. He didn’t know what to make of Logan’s no. No Finn didn’t know what it was like? That wasn’t true. If anything, Logan didn’t know what he was going through. Logan didn’t think about kissing Finn.

Logan stole the bottle back. “If you’re not gonna drink.”

He had a smile on his face again, one of his small secret ones. Finn, despite the uncertainty, smiled back. He couldn’t help it around Logan. Logan, who he now knew was the youngest with three sisters. Logan, who drank rum and coke. Logan, who hated doing his homework, but liked listening to Finn do his. Logan, who fought boys twice his size.

Before Finn could say anything, a rumble of thunder sounded off in the distance. It made them both look up and across campus.

“Halloween storm,” Finn said. “I guess that’s fitting.”

“My weather app said something about it,” Logan said after a moment.

Finn smiled. Logan, who checked a weather app.

Logan saw his smile and gave him a small shove. “Let’s go before it starts to rain and—and lightning and shit.”

“Don’t like storms?”

Logan was already pulling his hood more firmly on his head and maneuvering himself into a crouch. “Not really.”

“Well,” Finn started following him back to the window. “I don’t know about Canada, but we get some pretty crazy ones out here.”

Logan huffed, pushing the window up. “Well, super.”

Finn frowned. “Do you really not like—”

“Merde,” Logan hissed and stumbled the rest of the way through the frame. “Fuck.”

Finn pulled himself through a second later, eyes falling to the rip in Logan’s sweatpants by his knee, the red bleeding into the thick material.

“Shit, Tremz,” Finn said. “Is it bad?”

“It’s fine,” Logan said, looking at it carefully. “I’m fine.”

“Let me see, sit down.”

“I’m—”

“Let me see, speaking as your alternate captain now.”

Logan narrowed his eyes at him pulling that card, but sat on a ratty window seat. Finn grinned at him and crouched between his legs. He steadied himself on Logan’s knee, and then pushed Logan’s sweatpants up carefully, revealing his leg—a leg that Finn had been trying very hard not to stare at in skin-tight Batman underwear all evening. His skin was warm.

Finn would have liked a longer excuse to touch Logan, but the cut was small if not a little deep—thankfully not too bad. It was already beginning to stop bleeding.

“You should be good. Wasn’t anything rusty, just the wood edge. There’s some stuff in our bathroom from when I cut my cheek open last year.”

“Okay,” Logan said quietly. It was only then that Finn realized how still he was holding himself in Finn’s hands. It made Finn back up immediately, neck going hot. Who knew what Logan thought. Finn was so careful. So careful.

“Okay,” Finn said, then cleared his throat. “Okay, cool.” He looked around and then picked up the rum bottle from the floor. “Yeah.”

Logan pushed his sweatpants back into place and stood. “I’ll go check it out. Thanks, Harzy. See you in the room.”

“Yeah,” Finn managed faintly. He watched Logan send him a raw looking smile before jogging down the narrow staircase with a tight heart.

~

“Always taking care of me,” Logan was kissing his neck. “Remember the storm that night?”

Finn found Leo’s eyes before Leo was kissing his chest, teeth scraping over his nipple. Logan was grinding down on him in slow circles, making Finn choke out a moan. Their mouths on him ripped him right out of the memory.

Sometimes happiness made sadness’s edge sharper.

Finn blinked heat away from his eyes, but then Leo was there again, cock against his thigh, mouth brushing his own. Leo. Finn held one hand against Logan’s hip, the fleur-de-lis, and the other circled Leo’s back, fingers tangling in his hair to pull him in for a kiss. He loved kissing Leo.

“You deserve it, too, remember? Like we said.” Leo said.

Logan mouth was softer now, against his jaw. “Maybe it’s time we show you.”

Finn could only sit there and take it, the two of them, warming him through and through.

Leo leaned into Finn’s touch. “Like you told me.”

~

Finn woke up with Leo pressed along his front for the first time the morning before they left for Florida. It was to a six AM alarm, Finn was exhausted, but it was one of the best mornings. Finding out Logan was coming to Gryffindor. Waking up wrapped around Leo. Tied for best mornings. After a few kisses, they had to get up, even if it felt like they were a world away from anything normal. Finn actually smiled to himself in the shower the entire time. He was giddy as hell, and Leo was in the kitchen making coffee and eggs and he could kiss Leo while he did that now. He could kiss Leo while he was reading on the couch, he could kiss Leo goodnight and crawl into bed next to him. And and and.

Leo looked up when Finn entered the kitchen, hunched over his coffee cup with two steaming plates in front of him. “Hi.”

Finn just walked forward and turned Leo away from the counter and towards him. “Leo.”

Leo took a lock of his hair, the red darkened from the shower, and curled it around his finger. “You look a little too serious for my liking.”

“You’re okay with all of this, right?” Finn said, and then the words rushed out. “You’re okay with me, and with Logan—hopefully—and you feel good and not pressured, and I just want to make sure because, Leo, I’m not that much older than you but I am older than you. And I need you to know that I want this with everything I fucking have but not if you’re in any way not happy, or, like, nervous, or…I just want,” Finn felt Leo press his hand to his cheek. “I just want to make sure. And I’m gonna keep making sure.”

“Harz…” Leo’s smile was small, almost disbelieving. “I’m so happy. I’m so happy.”

“Well…good,” Finn let out a breathless laugh, relieved. “Because you deserve to be.” Finn pressed his hands to either side of Leo’s face and kissed him once, twice, and then Leo held him there with a hand on the back of his head, licking into his mouth and making Finn sway into the cradle of his thighs. “I really, really like you, Peanut.”

“I like you, too. Even though you’re going to make us late.”

Finn just smiled into their next kiss. “I’ll get the dishes, okay? You go take a shower.”

~

Logan was already under his covers by the time Finn came into the room. The halloween storm was getting sharper. It was raining now, lightning flashing against the sky. Logan had his headphones in, and his eyes were dark as they followed Finn around the room as he undressed. Finn could hear his music from all the way in the bathroom.

Finn found the Batman mask by the sink and laughed, heart pulling when he thought about Logan’s green eyes in it, staring a little self consciously out at him earlier that night. He brushed his teeth and then put it on.

Logan raised an eyebrow when Finn came out, but he laughed and pushed his headphones away from one ear, making his hair stick up.

“Forgot your secret identity,” Finn grinned.

“Too late now.”

Finn bit his lip as he crossed the room to his own bed, putting the mask down. Logan was certainly his secret. Logan had grown quickly into Finn’s mind, so fast that Finn hadn’t really realized it. One morning, he just woke up thinking about kissing Logan square on the mouth.

Logan took a shaky breath from the other side of the room and set his headphones on his nightstand with a glance outside. Lightning cracked across the sky, lighting up the room. Logan’s fists squeezed around his blanket.

Finn slumped down against his pillows with a sigh, taking the book he was reading from his bedside. He could hear people leaving downstairs, screaming and laughing in the wind and rain.

“I don’t like storms,” Logan said quietly. He wasn’t looking at Finn, and he was messing with his fingers agitatedly, covers pulled high on his chest. “I don’t really know why, I just…I don’t like them.”

“I don’t like seaweed,” Finn shrugged, but warmed when Logan actually laughed. “I don’t know, man, it’s just slimy. Thunder’s loud as fuck, I mean, it doesn’t not make sense to not like it.” He took a breath. “You want the light on? It won’t bother me at all.”

Logan looked at him for a long moment, before nodding. “Oui. Thanks, Harzy.”

~

“Harzy,” Logan said against his mouth, and Finn felt his back arch as Logan drew them closer together.

Finn couldn’t get any words out, though, not with Logan hot around him, with Leo sucking intently at his neck, rutting against his thigh. He let out a harsh breath and tightened his fingers in Leo’s hair. They were both hard and dripping onto his chest and stomach and Finn wanted to do something for them. He was aching inside Logan, breathless from his own memories.

“Please,” he said, and he wasn’t even sure what he was asking. He tried to sit up, to reach for them. He wanted to surround them, to pull them against him harder.

Leo shushed him gently, pulling him into a kiss and easing him back against the pillows.

“You were gonna go all the way and get me the stars,” Leo whispered, a light laugh following. “Fuck, Finn…”

“I just—” Finn flexed his hips up into Logan and Logan’s brows scrunched together, hands keeping him upright against Finn’s chest.

“I’m gonna come,” Logan panted, his hips fucking down on Finn. “Fuck, I can’t—”

Logan’s hips stilled and he gasped, cock still red and hard. He fucked once, twice, as if he couldn’t help it, but Finn groaned in protest as Logan gingerly pulled off. Finn watched his own cock bobbing an angry red against his stomach, shiny with come and lube. Logan collapsed into Finn’s side, sweaty and running his hand down Finn’s chest to his balls, cupping them gently.

“Always taking care of us,” Logan breathed. “Fuck, Harz, I love you, but you have to let us take care of you.”

They’d only fucked a handful of times—and Finn was looking forward to many, many more handfuls—but he guessed it was true.

“I like it,” He said. And that was true too. He loved it. His breathing hitched as Leo licked a stripe from Logan’s fingers to the tip of Finn’s cock. “Fuck, Leo.”

Leo just smiled, cheeks a deep red and swung a leg over Finn’s hips. Finn’s hand shot out to grip Leo’s thighs.

“Baby, did you even—”

Leo nodded. “You were a little preoccupied.”

“I could of done it.”

Logan laughed, pressing a kiss to Finn’s cheek. “That’s not the point of right now.”

Leo’s cock hung heavily, balls swollen and tip wet. Finn itched to touch him, but instead Leo cupped his cock against his abs, giving Finn a perfect view of him sinking down over Finn’s.

“We’re all here together,” Logan said softly, accent thick as Finn’s eyes closed at the feeling of Logan’s hand and Leo’s body. “We’re all here for each other, mon rouge. Let us.”

Leo’s head was tilted back, hips rocking in slow circles. Finn cursed, gripping Leo’s pale thighs, longer and leaner than Logan’s.

“Peanut,” Finn gasped. “Jesus, did you two practice this on each other, too?”

Leo’s smile was hazy and blissful. “Maybe.”

Finn groaned, head dropping back into the pillows. Finn loved the two of them together. His two.

Leo’s breathing turned heavy and then he pressed up and sunk down again, punching a sound out of himself. “Fuck.”

“There you go, pinotte,” Logan said from beside Finn. His palm was warm around Finn’s balls still, the sensation making Finn feel like he was about to be right on the edge. Leo was still holding his own cock, but not stroking it, just sinking down around Finn again and again. His blond hair darkened against his forehead.

“I’m close,” Finn said. “Jesus, fuck, I’m so close.”

The urgency had come out of nowhere, but he ached with it. Logan’s hand squeezed again around his balls, and then Leo was pulling off, too. Finn’s abs jumped and the loss. He fisted the sheets.

“Boys, this is not what I call appreciation,” Finn’s knees drew up on their own, trying to seek out any type of friction. His cock beaded precome across his stomach.

“Non?” Logan said, and then he was gone from against Finn’s side. Finn felt aflame, like he could feel every touch, and every absence.

Leo smoothed a hand down his stomach, through the mess, and then his mouth was back on Finn’s cock—and so was Logan’s.

“Huh—“ Finn wasn’t sure if he was breathing properly as his hands shot out to tangle in their hair, brunette and blonde. They lapped at him, mouths meeting occasionally around his wet, swollen tip. They’re—

“Fucking gorgeous, what the hell,” Finn managed, and he did sit up this time, legs splayed, pressing against their chests, palms rubbing over their spines. He had to close his eyes for a minute when Logan’s mouth found his balls and sucked at them, at the sensitive skin at his root, all while Leo’s mouth was sinking down, down. Finn felt it like a bruise, like a hurt that was so good it shattered, he shattered, looking at them.

Finn tried to keep his hips still as he came in Leo’s mouth with a low sound, bowed with his forehead pressed to Leo’s shoulder.

They kissed him, and then kissed each other, and then Logan was crawling across Finn and into Leo’s waiting arms. They smiled at each other, and Finn thought that was better than any of the sex. Leo’s hands were shaky as he pushed into Logan. Logan sunk down on Leo’s cock twice before he was shouting, come hot and white against Leo’s skin. Finn pressed himself all along Logan’s back and held him as Leo fucked into him a handful of times and came, too, face buried in Finn’s neck.

They were breathing hard, like a fine current surrounded the three of them, placing their breaths in sync. Finn was—

~

Leo closed the door to the balcony of Finn’s Florida hotel room and paced back to the bed, sitting beside him. Finn rubbed a hand up and down his back, thumb bumping along his spine.

“He’s hurting,” Leo said, eyes down. “He’s hurting, and he won’t let us tell him that we…”

“Lo’s always needed to do things in his own time. Always. We’ll get to him, we’ll talk to him.”

“I…” Leo cut off with a sigh and rubbed his hands over his face. Then he turned into Finn and Finn wrapped him up close.

“We’ll sort it out. Believe me, I’ve been waiting a long fucking time for this,” Finn pressed a kiss to Leo’s cheek. “For you, too, even if I didn’t know it.”

Leo smiled, even if his eyes were still a little sad.

“You’re right,” he said, and then paused. “Maybe we’ll just kidnap him at the buffet.”

Finn snorted. “Maybe.”

Leo took Finn’s hand in his lap and kissed it. “I think we’ll be together soon.”

~

It was too good. It was all his. Finn ran one hand over Logan’s abs slowly before pressing his palm over his pounding heart. With his other on Leo’s back, he could feel Leo’s heartbeat, too. They were louder to him than his own. Logan’s head was tilted back against his shoulder, his eyes closed, and Finn leant down and kissed his cheek.

“Knutty, c’mere,” he breathed. “C’mere.”

Leo’s cheeks were red like his mouth and he knelt his way over to Finn’s chest, leaning his chin up for a kiss. He pressed his hand to Finn’s cheek, swiping his thumb over his jaw.

“Stubble,” he mumbled with a smile, and dragged his lips over it happily.

Finn laughed softly. “I’ve been playing good, I gotta keep it.”

Logan looked up and all but smacked Finn in the face to feel. “Fucking loved that in college.”

“He had it the first day I met him,” Leo smiled, nuzzling against Finn’s slightly rough jaw and the dark red hair there.

~

“The fuck’s on your face, O’Hara,” was Logan’s greeting during preseason camp Finn’s senior year.

They’d seen each other a few weeks prior when Logan was still in the city staying with Finn’s family. He’d spent the last weeks of July with his own family, and how here they were, back at Harvard, sticky with sweat from ground training. Seeing Logan again after weeks, even just after a night’s sleep, was always a bit of a punch to the gut for Finn. He was tanned from the summer sun, sinfully so, and Finn wanted to—

“What?” Finn laughed, lifting his shirt up to wipe his face—including the week old beard he’d been experimenting with. “I don’t know about it, what do you think?”

He was thankful he was already sweating, because his face heated with the question. He needed to know what Logan thought, always.

Logan, green eyes were made light by his black snapback, walked forward. He took Finn’s chin between his fingers, turning his head this way and that before rubbing his palm over his cheek. Finn swallowed.

“Nice face,” Logan said.

~

Finn laughed. “You made fun of me.”

Leo snorted. “Well, neither of us could very well say fuck, what a hottie.”

“Nut, please go around calling Finn a hottie from now on,” Logan laughed, and then let out a breath. “Fuck, that was so hot.”

“I still haven’t seen the picture,” Leo said, and then, more quietly. “What activated our Finn plan, Tremz?”

Finn blinked. “Finn plan?” Logan looked up at Finn with a smile and Finn raised an eyebrow, tweaking his nipple and making him swear and laugh Finn’s favorite laugh. “What the hell is a Finn plan?”

“Just…” Logan looked over his face, and then to Leo, reaching out and petting a hand through Leo’s hair. “We wanted to show you that we want you just as much. That we want to take care of you as much as you always tell us you want to take care of us.”

Finn looked between them. “You…”

“We were talking about it,” Leo began.

“And making out,” Logan added.

“And making dinner one night,” Leo laughed. “And, I don’t know, we just sort of…when we felt the time was good, decided we’d make sure you knew.”

Logan nodded, hair tickling Finn’s throat. “You looked pretty sad there for a second, mon rouge, looking at that picture.”

“And when you were telling me about your rookie year, remember?” Leo said. “In Florida, after we got together?”

~

“I’m just saying,” Finn shrugged. They were laying down facing each other on Finn’s bed. Timmy was out with Kuny and Nado and, when that happened, he didn’t come back for a good while. Finn didn’t want to do anything too risky, but kissing Leo until he was soft and smiling seemed like a good plan. Logan wasn’t picking up his phone. He wasn’t in his and Leo’s room.

Kissing had soon turned into worrying.

“I’m just saying, I’m really glad you didn’t have to do the rookie season hotel shit. I’m so glad you’re with me. When I did it, it just,” Finn watched where his thumb was stroking over Leo’s knuckles. “I mean, Logan wasn’t really talking to me. I was trying to give him space, but I—missed him. Sorry,” Finn laughed a little, clearing his throat around the hot tears forming there.

“Don’t be,” Leo said. “Harzy, you love him. Of course you missed him.”

“I just waited for him to call forever,” Finn said in a rush. “And I’d wait forever again, you know, but I…I would just stare at my—phone,” Finn’s voice hitched. “And then I finally called him and it was horrible, I could barely talk.”

Leo’s eyes were sad and he pressed closer to Finn.

“I’m just happy you wanted to talk,” Finn whispered into the small space between them. “I’m so fucking glad we talked and now look, I can kiss you, Leo. Even though I’m crying,” Finn smiled a little, and Leo kissed him.

“You’re allowed to cry over him. Fuck, you think I haven’t cried over both of you?”

Finn laughed and rubbed his eyes. “Hope you don’t cry over me anymore.”

Leo grinned, swinging a leg over Finn’s hips. “I think they call you Heartthrob-O’Hara for a reason.”

~

“I remember,” Finn said softly. He couldn’t think about that phone call, though. Not yet. With time. “I didn’t know you remembered, Nut.”

Leo nodded. “I think we all remember.”

Logan let out a shaky breath against Finn’s chest and Finn rested his lips against the crown of Logan’s head. Maybe Logan couldn’t think about it either. Logan, who had tried to be so bright for him, even when he could tell Finn was crying.

Leo smiled. “Got a couple of star crossed lovers on my hands.”

Finn felt Logan’s laugh this time. “Care to join the party?”

“Yes, please.”

Finn groaned at the soft syllables in Leo’s voice, the drawn out ones in Logan’s. “You both get accent-y after sex."

“Tired,” Logan said.

“Fucked,” Leo sighed.

Logan laughed loudly, eyes squeezing shut, and he nudged Leo with his hand before wrapping his fingers around his arm and pulling him close for a kiss.

Finn didn’t think they were star crossed anymore. They had orbited around that somehow and ended up here, pulled by Leo’s gravity, into a tangle of light.

“In the middle,” Leo laughed, and bent briefly to press a lingering kiss to the dark ink on Logan’s hip before returning to his mouth. “Just how you like it.”

Finn smiled. Finn was just where he liked it, too. Feeling the weight of both of them in his arms, not moving, not going anywhere, their voices soft in a room the was safe and warm.

“What do you like, Nut?” Finn said. “Tell me.”

Leo bit his lip. “Looking at you two. I never even thought I’d have one person. And if I did, I thought they’d get tired of secrets. Scared away.” Leo let Finn pull him closer. “Secrets made you two stronger. And you’re not gonna leave me because you have to keep me a secret, either.” Leo’s gaze flickered. “I like looking at you two and knowing that.”

~

“Knutty, Knutty, Knutter, Nut, Nutter butter baby,” Finn sing-songed as he shuffled into the kitchen, voice sleepy and hair a mess. He felt awake after last night, his boys, on him, with him, working their way so deep into his bones and heart that he bled and bruised and breathed them. It felt good.

He rested his cheek against Leo’s back as he wrapped his arms around him from behind while eggs sizzled on the stove.

“Morning, Harz,” Leo said.

“Sup,” Finn sighed.

Leo snorted, then took a strip of bacon he had cooling from a plate. “Here.”

Finn made an appreciative sound and took it between his teeth.

“Do you wish we could cook?” Finn asked as he chewed.

Leo wavered his head back and forth. “No,” he decided. “I think you can do more than you think you can, but I like cooking for you. You guys clean up. It’s like being on a cooking show. All the fun, none of the work.”

Finn laughed, pressing a kiss to Leo’s shoulder through his t-shirt. “Cute.”

“Is he awake yet?”

“No,” Finn said, pulling three coffee mugs down from the cupboard. Logan, easily awoken, hard to wake up. “Somehow we managed to sneak out. Lightest sleeper ever. You know, I used to have to pee on roadies or when we were roommates—I mean I still pee, but you get the idea. And he would jump up like there was a fucking burglar.”

Leo dumped the eggs onto the waiting plates and flicked the hot pan off. He came up behind Finn this time, hands on his hips while the smell of brewing coffee rose in the air. Finn leaned back against his chest.

“I thought about doing this so many times while you made breakfast,” Finn said softly.

Leo glanced at his face, nose brushing his cheek. His eyes were closed, eyelashes turned shadows in the warm sunlight pooling on the floor. He was completely relaxed into Leo, and Leo held him there. This was what Leo liked. Finn, knowing that they weren’t going anywhere, no matter what he did.

“Me too,” Leo said, kissing Finn’s jaw. Finn smiled, and turned his head into the kiss.

“Leo,” Finn said.

“Yeah?”

“I think we should ask him.”

Leo only had the chance to smile and kiss Finn again, deeper, before there was a weight falling against both of them, Logan’s dark head of hair burrowing against Leo’s chest. Leo laughed and stumbled, just a little.

“You gain ten pounds when you’re sleepy, I swear.”

Logan just hummed. Leo and Finn looked at each other over his head, and then Finn sandwiched Logan in from the other side.

“Hey, Lo,” he whispered.

“Quoi,” Logan mumbled sleepily, his eyes closed and cheek against Leo’s t-shirt.

Finn smiled at Leo, and Leo ducked down.

“Will you move in with us?” Leo whispered.

Logan looked up so fast he butted Finn in the nose with the back of his head.

“Fuck me,” Finn startled back and Logan swore, turning in their arms and pressing his hands to Finn’s rough cheeks.

“Harz,” Logan began, and then Finn realized that both him and Leo were laughing too hard to speak.

“Ouch.”

Logan sagged against him, gasping for breath—

And then Finn realized he was half crying. And nodding. And nodding and nodding.

Finn abandoned his aching nose and looked at Leo, whose expression had softened. Logan’s breathing stuttered and he gasped out a laugh, wiping his face.

“Fuck, I just woke up.”

“Is that a yes?” Finn laughed. “Head butt me then burst into tears, I guess that’s a pretty regular morning for us all.”

Leo kissed Logan’s neck softly. “Say yes.”

“Get out of Dumo’s basement,” Finn said.

Logan punched him in the chest, making him groan, and the pulled him back in, leaning into Leo’s arms.

“Yes,” Logan said. “Yes.”

~

Over coffee, Finn held his phone out to Leo.

“Slutty Batman.”

Leo blinked at the photo. “Holy fuck.”

[indestinatus]

Yellow Brick Road

TIVATOBER 2020 // DAY 17

↳ prompt: Scarecrow - rated T (1,726 words)

summary: Alone in the hideout from Sahar, Ziva finds herself doing something she didn’t expect, which brings back memories from the past. 

A/N: also known as - if you chose to read one story of this whole series, please let this be the one.

read it on AO3 🌾

Heavy rain poured down on the gray tiles of the sidewalk. There was enough water on the street to reflect the blurry traffic lights and undefined skylines, at least until a car passed by and splashed it all over the closed stores. Umbrellas piled up in front of a popular restaurant and some moved across the street, but Ziva’s vision was out of focus enough to only distinguish them as blurs of color, disappearing quickly.

It had been hours since she had passed the point of tiredness, now breathing only out of instinct. Her eyelids burned but she kept them open, watching the skies fall. 

It was rare for her to need a break like this, though it was turning even more frequent these days. She could only track Sahar down for so long - with just a name, the mysterious woman quickly vanished only to reappear again in another city a few weeks later - and after so many failed attempts of getting to her, Ziva decided to wait until they came to her instead. 

That usually didn’t take long. 

A taxi stopped just in front of her and a man rushed to open the door, motioning for a woman just behind him to enter ahead. She did so hurriedly, holding what looked like the man’s suit over her head as she disappeared into the backseat of the car. 

A second later, the man did the same, hastily running a hand through his wet hair before disappearing. Ziva thought she saw him smile to himself, but the car sped up and she lost track of them before she could confirm. 

Two strangers she would never see again, nor hear the end of their story. 

She didn’t really process how or why, but suddenly she found her reflection staring back at her, heavy bags under her eyes and hair dripping wet. Ziva blinked, realizing she had crossed the street and now stood in front of the glass door she’d been watching from the opposite side all evening.

Before she could change her mind, Ziva’s hands moved on their own accord and pulled the door open. Blaming the tiredness for her poor choices, she stepped into the movie theater, searching for the ticket booth.

The air conditioning of the room made her soaked clothes feel cold. She picked a spot near the exit, blending into the shadows. In a second she had memorized all viable routes of escape, but it had been more out of habit than from a real necessity. 

Her heart was in her throat when the main title started to play. It was this loud melody with a classic tune to it, the high notes revealing the passage of time. As the title appeared, nostalgia burned in her chest. It had been too long since she’d last seen it, way too long.

“I thought this was a colored one.”

“Do you really want me to spoil it to you, woman?”

“I’ve read the book, you know.”

“Then how come you always manage to quote it wrong?”

“How do you know they’re the right lines? Perhaps they’re different in the book.”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“Yes. Exactly. You would not know.”

“Don’t brag now. You’re the one who hasn't seen a movie that’s seventy years old.”

“I had other things to do.”

“That’s older than Gibbs.”

“That’s older than you.”

“Miss David. You hurt me this way.”

“Shush. It’s about to start.”

“You… Wicked Witch of the West.”

“Hm… Doesn’t she die?”

“You’ll have to watch and see.”

It knocked the breath out of her. She already knew it was coming, but the sudden change from sepia to technicolor was still a marvelous thing to see. Bright colors invited the viewer to enter this brand new world, and Ziva let herself get lost in the songs and the details. 

The room was almost empty, some people scattered across the rows ahead. She wondered if they had seen this movie before. Probably, considering how old it was. Though she knew the story by heart, it was because she’d read the book a dozen times while growing up, it being a classic in her mother’s personal library. 

He had teased her the whole day when he discovered she’d never watched it. She remembered it clearly—quoting lines and singing lyrics, he’d succeeded in driving her crazy enough for her to give in, which led to them renting a DVD copy on a free Friday night. She brought the beers and he led the place, the one between them who had a television at home. 

Tony’s selective memory always surprised her, though his insistence in getting under her skin was a force on its own. He would bug her until he got what he wanted, and she was used to it—most times great at fighting back—but some days she just wanted to give in and see that typical smile of his, the one that stretched over his face until the corners of his eyes got wrinkled. 

She could picture it so clearly, the image still imprinted under her eyelids.

It was a memory she visited often, that day. It had been one of those moments no one could know it would become a memory until it did. Their laughter, the sureness of safety and the genuine feeling of happiness were things that still warmed her heart, whenever she thought of it. They were so young and worry-free, she always felt a sting of regret for not cherishing the moment more when it was happening. 

Dorothy reached a crossroad, unsure of which path to go next. When the Scarecrow changed the arm that pointed where to go, some people chuckled, and Ziva smiled weakly. He had always been her favorite one of the group. There was something really endearing about his clumsiness and care. He was smarter than he would ever know, and it was a charming quality she rarely saw in people.

“How can you talk if you haven’t got a brain?” quizzed Dorothy, tilting her head.  

“I don’t know,” replied the Scarecrow. “But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't you think?”

“Yes!”

“And what do you mean by that?”

“Nothing.”

“Yeah… Right.”

“What? It’s true. Plus, he’s cute.”

“He’s a scarecrow.”

“So…?”

“Don’t tell me you’re turned on by a scarecrow.”

“I did not say I was ‘turned on’. You are wiggling my words.”

“Twisting.”

“I thought it had been a twister.”

“Just… Watch. See? Now your scarecrow is also part of the narrative.”

“I like him.”

“Sometimes I just can’t respect you.”

“He talks a lot.”

“You say that to me all the time!”

“Well, you do talk a lot.”

“Are you admitting to like me, David?”

“I will call Ducky right away. We finally solved it - your brain is there, only it is made out of straw.”

“Ha-ha. Very funny.”

“Hm.”

Ziva felt her heart clench when the thought of Tony showing it to Tali crossed her mind. Had he done the same? Was he excited over little details and quoted its famous lines just like he did with her? Or did it remind him of them? Did they ever get the chance to watch it together or he avoided it? She certainly stared at the movie theater marquise for hours before she gave in, the tiredness making her too vulnerable. 

She missed him so much her bones ached from it. 

Ziva wondered if she would ever feel the same again. That flickering in her chest whenever they spoke in riddles, both of them catching each other’s stolen glances more frequently than not. They had always been good in sharing non-verbal cues, and even if they bickered until one of them got tired, the silence was the one thing she missed the most. 

To be able to be understood like that by someone else, it was the closest she had ever been to love.

“Oh,” confided Dorothy to the Scarecrow, “I think I’ll miss you most of all.”

She pressed a kiss to his cheek, saying goodbye. Both of them were too emotional to say anything else, Dorothy wiping the tears with her hand and him giving her a sad smile. There was something incredibly bittersweet to have known it would have come to this all along. 

Ziva struggled to breathe. She didn’t recall when exactly she had started crying, but she couldn’t see a thing now. There were only blurs. 

She tried to remember the last time she did cry. Her chest ached from keeping it silent, the loud beating of her heart the only thing she could hear. She knew it would happen as soon as she bought that ticket, but there was something quite soothing about being in a dark room where no one else knew her. 

She could finally be free, even if for a brief moment.

Ziva stood up before the credits started rolling. Hastily wiping the tears from her face, she exited to the street, hoping for once that she was really invisible, and no one would approach her now. 

The rain had stopped. It was much darker now, though the street lights seemed brighter. The line of people outside of the restaurant had disappeared, probably already inside. Some taxis were available at the other side of the street, but she preferred walking. She couldn’t take any risks now, knowing she could quickly become the prey. 

Ziva looked up to the sky, clenching her jaw. Letting the cold air inundate her lungs, she tried to ease her breathing. Tony and Tali were somewhere safe, far away from there, but at least they were under the very same sky. She wondered if it was raining there. She wondered if they were okay. 

Closing her eyes, she pictured them again. Happy. She needed them happy, even if it meant they had found happiness without her. There was no other way to keep her going, other than to imagine them alive. Even if it looked like nothing more than a dream, she needed them there, safe, tucked away in her heart.

When Ziva opened her eyes again, the sadness had already been buried. 

With Dorothy’s words still ringing in her mind, she ducked her head, following the gray brick road into an adjacent alleyway. 

There is no place like home, she had said. 

And wishing for nothing more than a pair of ruby slippers, Ziva David disappeared into the shadows. 

[tarlosbuddie]

CapSwap - Chapter 2

Read on AO3

Summary of the fic:  Bobby and Owen exchange their station and team for show called CapSwap produced by Taylor Kelly.

Chapter summary: New captain, new rules. Owen Strand arrives at the Station and the 118 is ready to have get to know him and to have some fun.

Word Count: 2478

Chapter: 2/?

Hanging banners has been a tradition in the 118 since Chimney, Hen and their former teammates hanged one to congratulate Bobby on winning the bet his first month here. They have had so many captains quitting after a few weeks that they wanted to celebrate, mostly by pranking him. So, before he arrived, they used the biggest ladder they could find and hung a white banner that read “You’re still here!!” and threw him a bunch of confetti as he walked in. Buck got his first one a few months only after he arrived. He came for his shift the day after being fired and the red letters formed the words “You’re not fired! (yet)”. It was one of the first times that he felt like it was a real family. Chimney had a few ones too, the most recent one was from when Bobby came back from his suspension and it read “Your reign is over Interim Captain Han”. It was Eddie’s idea. He knew Buck was on sick leave but he filmed the whole thing to cheer him up. They bought enough cakes and banners to be known by the local stores at the point.

This time, Chimney comes to work early, with the biggest smirk on his face. He is not about to break the tradition, especially with everything being caught on camera. Taylor and her crew are getting ready and Chimney waves at them.

“You guys don’t wanna miss this.”

“Get the camera ready.” She orders her team. “I need a strong clip for the promo of the show.”

Buck and Hen are already next to the ladder, ready to hang what Chimney always described as their best one yet.

“You’re sure it’s a good idea to prank the new captain?” Eddie asks. Taylor directs the camerawoman to film his reaction as she starts taking notes in her little notebook. “Maybe he’s not as cool as Bobby is” the firefighter adds.

The second person directs her camera toward Chimney who’s grinning. Taylor circles his name in her notes, hoping that by the end of the month, she will get the juicy reason behind his nickname.

“Trust me, when you’ll see this, you’ll know he’s not really shy,” Chimney promises.

“Okay Eddie, now move your pretty ass on that ladder,” Hen says. 

Both Eddie and Chimney climb the ladders on opposite sides of the banner. Buck is not allowed to do it anymore since he proved he’s not capable of hanging a banner straight. So he just stays behind Eddie, having his back from the bottom of the ladder where he thinks about Hen’s comment. She is right, he can’t deny that.

The banner is a lot heavier than the ones they usually buy. Chimney insisted that it must stay rolled up until Captain Strands arrived. They climb the stairs, eager to start their shift. They all wait on the balcony, the oldest holding on the strings of the banner. 

A car finally arrives, and Taylor keeps one of the cameras on the crew when she directs the second one toward the car. She has seen pictures of him and she picked him for her reason, the man looks perfect. She knows the public will love him and she’s counting on him making a grand entrance. 

Owen gets out of the car, with his Austin Fire Department jacket as she requested in the contract. She was not expecting him to wear such a fit white tee-shirt underneath but she appreciates it. It would look great on the promo. He doesn’t bother to take his sunglasses off, he only moves them down a little to wink at the camera she asked them not to look at. She can cut it off, but she is not sure she will want to when she will check the footage. 

He makes his way toward the inside of the house. He is about to take up the stairs when he hears whistles coming from the balcony.

The banner unfolds as he walks under it. It’s a huge picture of him from a firefighter calendar, wearing his NYFD pants, with the suspenders touching his bare chest. The text on the banner reads “Welcome to the 118 Mister December 2003.”

Everyone is laughing, including the man staring at a shirtless picture of himself taken 17 years ago. He runs toward the stairs to introduce himself. One of the cameras follows him when the other is on the opposite stairs. 

“Welcome Captain Strand,” Eddie says first. He stands straight and shakes the captain's hand. The other members do the same, and Owen memorizes everyone’s favorite nickname. Chimney is the last member of the team to introduce himself. 

“I’m Chim-” he starts but Owen cuts him.

“Mister April 2019. I’m guessing you’re the one I owe that great surprise to?”

“Huh, yeah.” He answers. 

“Can one of you show me my office and the nearest shower please? I just spent the best part of the weekend in my car and I would kill for a shower, and a coffee.”

“You drove here, Captain?” Eddie asks.

“I was not gonna miss an opportunity to take a road trip to our beautiful country.”

“I’ll give you a tour” Eddie offers.

- - 

Owen is taking the longest shower, so the crew decides to rest. The cameras are off, or at least off their faces so they can take a break. They are all sitting on different couches and there is still a free one when Eddie arrives toward his friends with a bowl of popcorn. Taylor walks toward them with a gentle smile on her face and Eddie walks faster to arrive before she does. He hurries up and sits next to Buck on the couch. It’s just more convenient to share the popcorn with his team, he tells himself while he looks at Taylor who’s sitting down on the last couch.

They are eating in silence, not daring to speak while she is here. Buck offers her some popcorn but she politely refuses. She looks even more uncomfortable than they are. Hen notices and invites her to the kitchen.

“Do you want a coffee?” she offers. “It’s bad but it will keep you awake for a long shift.”

“Yes, please,” Taylor answers shyly. “I know you guys all hate me. But I’m just trying to do my job.”

“We don’t hate you, girl,” Hen replies. “We are not fans of having cameras around though.” 

“I thought Buck would be the one hating me after what happened between us.” Taylor says. She looks down at her coffee mug, taking one sip and confirming what Hen told her, it really is a disgusting beverage.

“Buckaroo is a golden retriever. I don’t think that boy is capable of hating someone.”

“What’s the deal between him and Eddie?” she asks while turning to face the couches where the three boys are chatting. Eddie is throwing popcorn in the air for Buck to catch them with his mouth. “I feel like he’s gonna murder me.”

“He’s just having Buck’s back,” Hen says. “We should go back to the boys before Buck chokes on a popcorn or something.”

They walk back toward the couchs, grimacing as they drink their coffee. Taylor explains some ideas she has and then she tells them that they will turn the cameras back one while they talk about Owen. She sits somewhere off camera and directs her team to start filming.

“So, what do you guys think about the new captain?” Buck asks. It’s not his natural tone and he has to force himself not to look at the camera. But then Eddie starts speaking and Buck has something more interesting to look at.

“He seems nice.” Eddie simply says.

“It’s hard to judge a book by its cover” Hen answers.

“We all did it with Eddie on his first day” Chimney says. Buck takes a handful of popcorn and sends it on his eldest friend who’s happily catching half of it with his mouth while the rest ends up on the couch. “What? I was talking about Hen’s comment, not about your jealousy.”

“Okay, first of all, I wasn’t jealous,” Buck clears, shifting a little on the couch to look more at Eddie. He can feel his face turning red from remembering that day. “And second, we were talking about Captain Strand.”

Eddie chuckles and adds “The man seems okay, we should give him a chance.”

“You okay Buck?” Chimney asks. “You look like you’re praying for an emergency right now”.

“Huh. I.” He starts, but Owen is finally out of the shower, wearing another tee-shirt that compliments his body. Buck wonders if this man already took a DXA scan to measure the fat in his body. He stands up and walks toward Owen.

“I think this is for you, Captain” Buck says. He holds an LAFD blue shirt, with the Strand name written on the metal name tag on the pocket.

The captain puts his long sleeves shirt on with the help of his youngest team member. He read a detailed file about these people but he still doesn’t know them like he knows the 126. He chose his entire team, learned to work with them and even though the idea of the show seemed interesting, Owen misses his team.

“So” Owen starts, he claps his hand and takes an enthusiastic tone. “Let’s get to know each other a little.”

“What would you like to know?” Eddie asks first.

“Come on, guys, this is not a job interview. I just wanna get to know the people who I’m working with.” Owen says. They all look at each other, it’s like the first day of school and no one wants to be the first to introduce themself to the new teacher. 

Buck lets himself fall back on the couch and sights dramatically. He wouldn’t know where to start. So much has happened to them lately. Every person in this room could use some serious therapy and there’s a lot you can’t tell a person you just met. So how can the 118 introduce themselves without talking about all of the trauma around them?

“Okay, I’ll start” Owen says when it becomes clear that no one else would. “I’m from New York. I’ve been a firefighter there for two decades.”

“So, you were there when…” Eddie starts asking.

“I was.” Owen answers briefly before continuing his introduction. “My son and I moved to Austin a few months ago. He’s a firefighter in my station too. He’s about your age, Buck. Does your captain have kids?”

“You mean besides Buckaroo, here?” Chimney jokes. 

“Bobby’s not my dad.” Buck pouts. He looks at Eddie, hoping he would take his defense but his friend just holds his hand up and pretends to zip his mouth shut.

Hen laughs at the three boys and answers Owen’s question “His wife has 2 kids.” 

“Oh she remarried too. I have something in common with his wife. Do you guys have kids?”

“My wife and I have a son and we are fostering a baby girl,” Hen says. 

“I have an 8 years-old son.” Eddie answers.

“His name is Christopher,” Buck adds, holding his phone up to show Owen the picture of Eddie and Chris he has on his lockscreen. “He’s the smartest kid!”

“Hey!” Hen cuts, pretending to be offended.

“I'm sure Denny and Nia will grow up to be as smart as Superman.”

“Are you two…” Owen starts. He felt like he might have missed some information in his files.

“Oblivious” Chim whispers and Hen laughs.

“Buck is helping me a lot with my son. Christopher loves his Buck.” 

“And you, Mister April? Do you have any kids?” 

“He’s dating my sister” Buck answers for him “So if he ever knocks her up, I’d better be the first one to know.”

Chimney almost chokes on the food he’s eating. Hen gently pads his back. He tells her everything, even the things Maddie made him promise not to talk about. She is his best friend and he can’t keep big news to himself. So she knows Buck won’t be the first one to know about the Hans’ new secret. 

“You are dating his sister? Family dinners must be interesting.”

“She’s a 9-1-1 dispatchers. So you might get to talk to her while you’re in L.A.”

“Okay, bonding time is over for now.” Owen declares. “Probie, you start cooking while the others clean the rigs” he orders.

“Huh, probie?” Eddie asks when he sees his Captain looking at him. “My probation period ended last year.”

“According to your files, you’re the last one who arrived, which in my eyes, makes you a probie” Owen half jokes. He knows he misses his probie, and he’s probably trying to find a replacement for them. Judging by Chimney’s and Buck’s laughs, he knows the nickname is gonna stick for a while.

“Huh, the Cap was usually the one cooking.” Eddie says hesitantly. 

“My house, my rules. Everyone takes turns in my house.”

“Then you’ll probably talk to my sister soon Captain, cause we are definitely going to call dispatch to report the entire house suffers from food poisoning.”

Everyone but Eddie takes down the stairs to clean up the trucks. Eddie looks at the kitchen, terrified. Even his kid that never complains about anything told him that he can’t cook. He doesn’t want to poison his captain on the first day. And the show is gonna be broadcast on national television, his whole family is gonna know what an awful cook he is.

The alarm goes off and puts him off his misery and he runs down the stairs. The team was already cleaning the truck so they climbed before he could even get to them. He’s the last one to arrive so Owen ends him the key.

“Heard you can’t cook” Owen says and everyone pretends they didn’t say a thing while they were cleaning the rig, “but I hope you can drive, Probie.”

Buck and Chimney’s phones buzzed from the back seat. Hen looks at the both of them, assuming it might have something to do with Maddie since they both got a text at the same time. She forgot her phone at the station, like she always does. Buck shows her the texts they received. It’s from a new whatsapp group they’ve all been added to.

Unknown Number: How’s the new cap treating you?

Unknown Number: Please, go easy on my dad.

Unknown Number: Yeah, we kinda like the old guy. 

By this point, they’ve all guessed what this group chat is about but they get the final confirmation when they receive a picture of 5 firefighters doing funny faces while Bobby has his back turned. 

Unknown Number: Thanks for lending us your Captain for a month. We'll try not to drive him crazy!

[pandoraborn]

17 - I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING. || wrongfully accused. ||

-----------------------------------------------------

Back at Henrik’s, Marvin remains by Jackie’s bedside. He knows he should go rest and care for himself, but he can’t resist. He runs a thumb down Jackie’s cheek, taking note of his sleeping for. Jackie still hadn’t woken up properly yet, but according to Henrik, he’d stirred briefly, and was still steadily improving. He didn’t need an oxygen mask anymore, he didn’t need to be hooked up to several machines anymore, it seems as if Jackie is finally going to recover wholly. Marvin can tell that Jackie’s own healing is finally kicking in, as well.

He glances up when he hears footsteps shuffle in. He stiffens when he sees it’s Amon, but Marvin refuses to get up. “He’s okay, Amon, I’ve got him.”

“I know. I heard from Henrik and Chase. You could have told me too, you know. Considering I was just as concerned for him.”

“You’ve been giving me the silent treatment for several days, I didn’t think I’d get through to you. I have no reason to talk to you now. Now go away and let me spend time with my husband.”

“The one you abandoned, you mean,” Amon quips.

Marvin flinches. “Can we not do this in here? I don’t want Jackie to wake up to an argument.”

“Okay, so let’s go upstairs then, because I have a lot I’m finally ready to say to you.” Amon’s voice goes flat. “You do not get to tell me no, you have a lot to answer for.”

Marvin says nothing in response. He knows Amon is right, they need to have this conversation. Marvin didn’t think he’d feel so sick all over again. With a quiet sigh, he bends over to give Jackie a small forehead kiss, whispering a promise he’ll come back soon. Jackie murmurs quietly in his sleep, twitching once before going still. With that, Marvin gets up and follows Amon out of the lab and back up into the living room. The only other occupant is Erin, who’s playing on his phone.

“Can you go outside for a bit?” Amon asks politely. “Your dad and I need to talk.”

“This…” Erin starts to argue. He glances up when he sees the expressions on both their faces. “I just remembered I wanted to go see Jackie too, so. You know what? Bye.” He gets up and zooms out of the room in a hurry. 

The two men watch him leave before turning back to face each other. “Okay,” Amon says. “Talk to me. Tell me how exactly you didn’t abandon Jackie because from where I’m standing, it’s pretty damning.”

“I had no choice!” Marvin snarls, losing his temper. “I was backed into a corner, okay?”

“No choice? Damn it Marvin, this was Jackie! I’m have a really hard time not blaming you for his current condition. You have fucking magic, you could have slowed down time to grab Jackie and run. Instead you fled like a coward!” 

“You’re always going to worry about Jackie, aren’t you?” Marvin blurts. It’s inappropriate, he knows. It’s a pointless deterrent from the main conversation, it’s his own jealousy coming out. Is he even jealous of their friendship? He doesn’t know anymore. “I was held prisoner too.”

Amon storms forward, grabbing at Marvin’s wrists. He turns them over, looking at the healing bruises that still remain. “Yes, I can see that. Bruised wrists, chained to the wall, what a tragedy. So sad, definitely more important that your fucking husband who is in a coma from being tortured. You have no fucking shame, Marvin. Then you have to fucking nerve to throw this back in my face like somehow this is a ‘me’ problem.”

“You’d have done the same in my shoes! I made a split second decision to get help, and look, I found you and Chase! You can’t tell me I completely messed up.”

“I never would have left Jackie.”

“You weren’t in my shoes, Amon! You’re sitting there on some high and mighty throne, acting like you would have been all sacrificing for Jackie’s sake. You don’t think I hate myself over what happened? Of course I blame myself! Of course I’m aware Jackie’s upset with me, I’m aware you’re pissed! You fled a scene too when you needed help, when you have your own set of powers to easily defend yourself with. I would give anything for Jackie, and I am.”

“I want you to hate yourself. You deserve to feel guilty, you know why? Because Jackie’s in a coma. He could have avoided meeting Merlin at all had you thought just a little bit harder over your actions. What if Jackie had died? What if-”

“What if, what fucking if,” Marvin snaps. “You’re not married to Jackie, I am. I’ve been beating myself up for days over this, agonizing over your stupid potshots against me, feeling like the most worthless human alive every time I look at my husband! I get you would do everything for Jackie, hooray for you! Get over yourself, acknowledge Jackie has a new life that doesn’t always revolve around you, and let other people love him for once.”

Amon stares for a long minute. “I don’t expect Jackie’s life to revolve around me. I’m well aware he lives a different life now. I just want…”

“So back off me! Yes, I left him. I left to find help, and we all saved him. You kicked ass, Amon. You were there when I needed you, so drop this self righteous act and forgive me. I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I left Jackie, I’m sorry every day that I left him in Jason’s hands. I’m always going to blame myself even without your judgement, so just. Back off. I already know.”

“I guess I got a little...carried away,” Amon relents. “I was so focused on Jackie’s condition, I never stopped to ask how you were doing.”

“I’m aware.” Marvin’s voice is short. “I’m traumatized, even though you didn’t ask. Watching Jason torture, poision, and kick Jackie around for two days is not my idea of fun. I close my eyes and wonder if Jackie would have died if not for Henrik. Would he have died if I wasn’t able to find help? Would he have died even if I had taken him with me, miraculously?”

“Marvin…”

“I’m furious, Amon. I’m angry and heartbroken. Because of everything I went through, the most scarring moment was hearing Jackie whisper that he doesn’t trust me anymore. I can take your pot shots, I can take your judgement, I can take everyone hating me for getting myself out of there. Jackie’s opinion is the only one who matters, and he lost his trust in me. That kills me.” He wipes his eyes, turning away. “I want to go sit by my husband’s bedside and watch over him before Henrik wakes up. If you’re done yelling at me, then I’m-”

His phone rings then, and he pulls it out of his pocket with a frown. Is Jackie calling him? No, Jackie’s asleep in the lab without a phone, Erin with him. Confused, Marvin answers. “Hello?”

“Oh, good. Marvin, it’s Vin.”

Marvin blinks as he turns his gaze back toward Amon. “Vin, why are…?”

“I’m at your apartment. Sorry for crash landing in there, but I needed to portal myself somewhere with a special someone. Where are you right now? No one’s here and I only found Jackie’s cell phone.”

“We’re at Henrik’s.” Marvin turns away to ignore Amon’s frantic gesturing. He can still hear the entity slapping at the walls, probably testing for potential portal openings. “We’re all here.”

“Okay, describe the room you’re in. Can we safely portal in?” 

Marvin’s anger is fading, replaced now with a burning curiosity over who Vin is with. Last he’d heard, Vin had been Cian’s prisoner and now he’s in Marvin’s apartment? Marvin turns back around to face Amon, who’s gesturing toward one blank wall, behind the couch. “We’re in the living room,” he begins. “There’s a couch in front of a blank wall, you can portal through it.”

“Describe the room in more detail, I need to be able to see into your head.”

“How can you do that over the phone?”

“I don’t know, I just need to picture it.”

Marvin rolls his eyes, but begins describing the living room, with as many details he can give. He barely finishes his last sentence when a bright green circle of fire appears on the wall. Both Marvin and Amon scramble back just in time for two figures to tumble through, one more gracefully than the other.

Vin is still on his feet, moving closer to Marvin to hand Jackie’s phone over. “Sorry for taking that, but I needed to call someone and you’re in his favorites.” He steps back and grabs at the second figure roughly, hauling her to her feet. “Also, we need a place to store her. I would very much like to keep her with us for a while.”

Marvin blinks, before turning to stare at Amon. Amon is staring at her with blackened eyes, looking ready to lunge at any second. He turns back to Vin, then the woman in his grasp. She, of course, is screaming and swearing angrily, thrashing in an attempt to pull herself free. Her shortened height against Vin would be hilarious in any other situation.

“Certainly,” Marvin finally says, adopting a charming grin. “Welcome to our clan, Danielle, we’re happy to have you.”

“Oh fuck off,” she snaps. “Get this lunatic away from me! Did you know he pushed me out a god damned window?”

“Oh, don’t mind her,” Vin laughs. “She’s a jokester. Now, a place?” 

Marvin sighs. “I’ll go get Jameson.” He turns and leaves the room, figuring if she was trapped with Vin and Amon both, there’s nowhere she can run to.

----

TAG LIST

 @caori-azarath @inspiredrawaw @shadowtigress2 @burnt-toast-life @lilsprout-exe @randowaffle @oasisofgalaxies @sibling-ursidae @reboosh @scarletender @alphaqwerty7 @imma-gummibear @writingandwhump @dmnfox @thebluejaysworld @immcgill @scubacatwoman @zel-lk @definitely-asexual-volcano @kami-theawkwardmess @n-anon @sleightofsight @imabinerd @elycia1805 @gutter-sun-fun @spiccykels

[horansqueen]

Stuck With You - Chapter 26

Chapter 26: Naked

🡪chapter 1  🡪chapter 2  🡪chapter 3  🡪chapter 4  🡪chapter 5  🡪chapter 6   🡪chapter 7  🡪chapter 8  🡪chapter 9  🡪chapter 10  🡪chapter 11 🡪chapter 12 🡪chapter 13 🡪chapter 14 🡪chapter 15 🡪chapter 16 🡪chapter 17 🡪chapter 18 🡪chapter 19 🡪chapter 20 🡪chapter 21 🡪chapter 22 🡪chapter 23 🡪chapter 24 🡪chapter 25

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

I wake up in the morning Put on my face The one that's gonna get me Through another day Doesn't really matter How I feel inside 'Cause life is like a game sometimes

But then you came around me The walls just disappeared Nothing to surround me And keep me from my fears I'm unprotected See how I've opened up Oh, you've made me trust

Because I've never felt like this before I'm naked Around you Does it show? You see right through me And I can't hide I'm naked Around you And it feels so right

I'm trying to remember Why I was afraid To be myself and let the Covers fall away I guess I never had someone like you To help me, to help me fit In my skin

click here to be on the update list

NIALL

                                     I woke up and rubbed my eyes before a small snore came to my ears, making my lips curl immediately. I turned slowly to look at Devon, sleeping on her side facing me, her mouth half opened, and I brought my hand to pull a lock of her hair away from her face. I remembered what had happened the night before and licked my lips. It seemed like the taste of her pussy still lingered on them and it made my heart jump in my chest as I felt my cock swell slightly more. It reminded me that I hadn't cummed and that I would really need to take care of that soon, or it was going to become a problem.

I got out of my thoughts when she moaned slightly and shivered, squirming a bit next to me. I brought the covers over her shoulders and sighed low as my eyes roamed on her face. I had no idea what we were doing, and I knew she had mentioned us being only friends but I could have sworn she felt something more for me, too. Perhaps I was delusional. Perhaps I wanted her to have feelings for me so bad that I was imagining things, and I couldn't help the fear living inside me... I couldn't stop that little voice that kept repeating me that I was going to have my heart broken, no matter what her feelings for me were. It was scary and I had no idea what to do. Deep down, I knew it was too late. She would either tell me she didn't love me, or she'd end up hurting me by cheating on me or breaking up with me for someone else.

I nibbled on my bottom lip and brought my hand to her face, running my fingertips on her cheek gently.

"Please, Devie." I whispered before letting my hand fall on the mattress.

I don't know how long I stayed there just watching her sleep and snore but I eventually got up, dressed up and left to get some food. The grocery store was almost empty and I knew it was early but I didn't care. I started walking down the aisles, trying to think of what I could cook during our few escape days and didn't even have to wait in line to pay. I sat back behind my wheel and grabbed my phone just to check if she had sent me a message but she hadn't and I was not really surprised since she was a late sleeper. I thought about how it would feel to go grocery shopping with her if we were together and it reminded me of the times I did that with my ex girlfriend. It was painful to remember and at the same time, it made me angry. Why was I once again letting a woman get the best of me? Why was I letting someone have so much impact on my heart? Why did I end up falling so fast for a woman I barely knew?

I was slightly pissed when I got back inside but I realized she was not awake yet and I walked in the room, sitting next to her on the bed. When I looked at her, all my anger disappeared and all that was left was a sensation of lightness. I knew my pain and fear were still there, buried somewhere under that well-being feeling but for now, I didn't want to look for them.

I grabbed my phone and snapped a picture of her with her lips parted and deeply asleep, if only to always remember the feeling invading my insides at this exact moment, and let her sleep to prepare our breakfast. I put fruits, yogurt and oatmeal on the table and when she appeared, I was almost done with the eggs and toasts. My heart jumped in my chest when I saw the shirt she was wearing  but I didn't know what to say.

"What is all this?" she asked, half a smile on her lips as her eyes roamed on the table.

"Three healthy meals a day." I explained with a smile. "This is the first one. You can sit down."

"I mostly thrive on coffee. Iced or warm." she admitted with a chuckle, glancing up at me.

"I know, I noticed." I pointed out. "It needs to change."

"I just hate cooking and I tend to just forget to eat."

"I noticed that too."

She leaned against the counter, pouring herself a cup of coffee and then a second one for me as I put the eggs and toasts in a plate. She stared at me working until I raised my eyebrows and pointed out one of the chairs with my hand. Her lips curled a bit more and she sat in front of me, sliding towards me the cup of coffee she prepared for me.

"You notice a lot of things about me." she pointed out after a while.

"Perhaps, yes." I admitted with a shrug as if it meant nothing. "Like when you walked in, I noticed you were wearing my shirt."

She pressed her lips together and I could swear she was blushing but it took her a few seconds to look up in my eyes.

"It's a bit too small for me but, I don't know. It was there, and I wanted to try it on." she explained with a shrug but avoiding my eyes. "Do you want me to take it off?"

Slowly, a smirk appeared on my face and when she finally looked up at me, she let out a chuckle and rolled her eyes. "That's not what I meant."

I chuckled too and started eating as she took a sip of coffee. "I know." I let out, still smiling. "I just thought it was an interesting choice of words." She remained silent but my smile fell and I became more serious. "Do you regret what happened last night?"

She sighed and stared at her place for a few seconds before finally looking up in my eyes. "I feel like I should, but I don't."

"D'you want to do it again?" I asked in a low and soft tone, raising my eyebrows. Her lips parted and I just shook my head. "Hey, no rush or anything, I was just asking."

I could feel my heart thump in my chest as her eyes traveled on me and I cleared my throat, taking a quick sip of my coffee, almost burning my lips.

"What's your plan for today?" I tried to changed the subject, not wanting to make her uncomfortable, and she blinked a few times before licking her lips.

"Uhm, I've felt the urge to paint, would you mind?"

"No, of course not. I wanted to work out anyway, I didn't have time this morning because I needed to buy some food." I nodded, grabbing the dishes and bringing everything to the sink. "I'll prepare the guest room and you can paint there?"

I turned around to lean my butt against the counter and she got up too, walking slowly to me. She stopped only when she was very close and tilted her chin up to look at me as my hands gripped the side of the counter tight, making an annoying squeaky sound.

"You really made me feel better last night, Niall." she whispered, licking her lips. "Thank you."

I looked down at her and brought one of my hands up to place a lock of her hair behind her ear. "T'was my pleasure."

Her lips curled and she chuckled. "No, it was definitely mine."

----

I worked out for an hour and a half and Devon was still locked in the guest room to paint. I decided to take a quick shower but I couldn't stop thinking about the way my shirt molded her chest and stomach when it was on her, and the face she made when she came the night before. I wanted to feel myself inside her so bad it was making me slightly dizzy and when I walked back in my room in sweatpants and a t-shirt, I could still feel my cock throb. I sat on my bed, leaning my elbows on my knees and sighed, closing my eyes. I knew I wouldn't be able to think about something else before I finally reached an orgasm but I was also aware that it was dangerous to do anything while I was not alone in the apartment. The truth was, I hadn't touched myself properly in so long, and quick shower masturbation sessions in the morning didn't really satisfy me. It made me realize that even when Devon was living with Lewis, I didn't do it and It surprised me.

I sat back, leaning myself with my hands a bit farther on the mattress and gripped the sheets with both hands. I really needed to do it but even more than that, I wanted to do it. I looked around my room and finally pushed myself further on the bed, laying down right in the middle. I let my hand run on my cock over my sweatpants and hissed through my teeth at the sensation before gripping myself harder. There was something exciting about the fact that Devon was not far and that I was actually thinking about her to get off but I couldn't help but wish I would do all of this with her instead. I took my cock and my balls out, wrapping my hand tight around my dick and squeezing it a bit before letting out a low 'fuck'.

I started thinking about Devon and how wet she had been the night before... how she squirmed and shook, and how she tasted. I could remember the way her pussy throbbed around my tongue and suddenly regretted not using my fingers or even better, my dick. If I had time, I would jerk off for a while but I was in a hurry since I had no idea when Devon would be done painting. I let my hand move up and down on my cock quickly, reaching for my balls with my other hand and I let out a low groan. My whole body was impatiently throbbing and I was extremely excited. That's why it took me a while to understand the noise I had heard.

I frowned and my pace slowled but when I opened my eyes, I saw Devon near the door, staring at me. I sat up quickly, my cock still in my hand, and my lips parted slowly.

"Wow, I just got caught." I chuckled while scratching the back of my head, slightly embarrassed as my heartbeats echoed all over my body.

"I'm... I'm sorry." she replied quickly, clearing her throat. "I just got here, I didn't.. I just..."

"No, Devie, it's alright." I replied, shaking my head and tugging my cock back in my pants. "I shouldn't have I mean you're here and-"

"You can keep going." she quickly let out, cutting me. "If you... If you want to."

My eyes opened wider in shock and my lips parted. I hadn't expected those words to come out of her lips but she started nibbling on her bottom lip with her head slightly tilted and I knew there was no way I would let go of this erection.

"You sure?" I breathed out as she nodded.

"Can I stay?"

I closed my eyes as my lips curled and I chuckled before looking back at her again. She had taken a few steps closer and glanced down at my pants.

"You're really something else, you know that, right?"

"Can I?" she repeated, raising her eyebrows and ignoring my comment.

My mind was racing when she sat next to me on the bed and I sighed, reaching for my cock in my pants and taking it out. I had no idea why it made me so nervous but lust overtook the stress and I leaned my back on the pillows before stroking myself slowly, my head falling back on my shoulder slightly. My eyes fluttered close and after a while, all that was left was the lust I felt for her. I kept touching myself slowly, not wanting this to be over too soon, but my heart jumped in my chest when I felt something on my legs. I opened my eyes quickly and my dick twitched in my hand when I saw her straddle me and sit on my legs. Slowly, she licked her lips and grabbed my hard cock in her hand, squeezing it and making me whimper low. I took my hand off and she started touching me, bringing inside me a feeling I couldn't describe. I didn't know how long I would last, but when she started nibbling on her bottom lip, staring down at the way her both her hands ran on my cock, one of my legs twitched and I cursed again.

"Come here, come closer."

She got back on her knees, getting closer to me and quickly, I slipped one of my hands in her pants, reaching between her legs. Her lips parted and her legs tensed as two of my fingers ran on her slit, brushing on her clit. I felt her drip, her wetness sticking to my fingers, and I looked up at her, panting low.

"You're so fucking wet, Devie." I pointed out uselessly, shaking my head. "Fuck."

I breathed out as I felt her thumb rub on the tip of my cock and slip between it and my skin. It made me stop moving for a second and I finally reached her breasts with my free hand. My fingertips slipped on her shirt, running on her nipples as they got hard under my touch. I knew I'd never have time to push myself inside her before cumming and from the moans she let out as I rubbed her swollen clit, I knew it was the same for her.

"Devie, fuck, talk to me." I whispered, sliding my hand under her shirt and grabbing one of her tits firmly. "How does that feel?" I ran my hand to the other one and she closed her eyes.

"It feels so fucking good Niall, please don't stop." she breathed out, opening her eyes to look into mine again. "Keep touching me."

I knew she liked it because from time to time, her hands stopped stroking my cock to focus on what I was doing to her but every time she'd start jerking me off again, it felt even better. She bent slightly to reach for my balls with her other hand and I groaned at how close she was. I could kiss her if I wanted, but I preferred to look at her while she stared right back at me. I didn't know why it turned me on so much, but watching her facial expression as I touched her brought me even closer to an orgasm.

"I'm so close Niall, so fucking close."

"Yea?" I asked, a small smirk appearing on my lips. "You're gonna cum for me, little one?"

Her grip around my cock tightened at the nickname I gave her and she nodded, her lips parting. I glanced at them and looked back in her eyes, my smirk getting bigger.

"Why don't you grind on my fingers?" i added low. "Show me how bad you want it."

She started doing what I wanted immediately and it made me feel dizzy to know she was so obedient. Her pussy rubbed on some of my fingers, coating them quickly, and I bit my bottom lip as I slipped two fingers inside her. She whimpered louder and I pressed my thumb on her clit as she let go of my cock to grab my arm tight, her finger sinking in my skin. She started shaking uncontrollably over me, her eyes shutting tight, and I moved my upper body closer.

"I want to hear my name." I breathed out near her ear, making her hold my arm even tighter.

"Niall, fuck." she let out low before moaning louder. "Niall!"

My cock twitched when I heard my name coming out of her lips and she came hard on my hand again. Her grip loosened and when I was sure her orgasm had passed, I took my hand off her pants and brought it back on my cock, spreading her wetness on it. She was panting as she looked down at my cock again and my heart jumped in my chest. Quickly, she reached for it and started jerking me off again, her hands traveling up and down from the base to the tip and sometimes caressing my balls and making me moan as I kept looking at her. Once again, her thumb reached between my skin and my tip and my hips jerked up at her touch.

"Darling you're gonna make me cum."

She moved her face closer and pressed her lips gently against mine as she kept stroking my dick faster. "I love your cock so much." she admitted in a whisper. "I've been trying to imagine it so often, and now I can't wait to feel it inside me."

It sent a rush to my brain and without thinking, I brought one of my hands in her hair and gripped it tightly. I heard her moan as I felt an orgasm coming. She kept jerking me off as I thrusted up despite myself, pulling on her hair a bit too hard. A groan escaped my lips again and my eyes closed as I reached my peak, my cum spurting on her hands and shirt.

"Jesus fucking Christ." I whispered as spasms made my body quiver. "I haven't cummed so hard in so long."

I remained sitting as I tried to catch my breath and let my hand in her hair fall on my thigh. She sat on my lap, cupping my face with both her hands and allowed her lips to gently brush against mine. It felt so good to feel her kiss me post-orgasm that I closed my eyes and made sure I remained motionless.

"Devie..." I breathed in-between two gentle kisses.

"Niall..."

"Devie, I-"

"Shh, no." she quickly cut me, kissing my lips softly again. "Don't talk."

"But I need to tell you-"

"No." she repeated a bit louder. "Please, Niall, don't ruin this."

I shut my eyes tighter as my heart broke. Sadness and happiness fought inside me to find out which one was stronger but it was a useless fight and I knew it. If telling her my feelings was a way to ruin this moment for her, I had no reason to tell her. There was no hope.

"I loved this so much." she admitted so low I barely heard it.

I swallowed hard and breathed in, trying to stop myself from tearing up. "Me too."

[marshmallow-phd]

Midnight Hours

Part of The Untamed - EXO Wolf Universe

Genre: Wolf!AU

Pairing: Sehun x Reader

Summary: For you, being a good witch was easier said than done. Something dark was lurking inside of you and the others knew it. When you’re forced to tag along with Soomi and help a local wolfpack face a coming evil, you’re sent on a path that breaks into a crossroads. While you struggle with your inner demons, could the wolf Sehun be the key to your ultimate fate?

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I 11 I 12 I 13 I 14 I 15 I 16 I 17 I Final

**

This was the last place you wanted to be. It didn’t matter that the situation was different this time around. It didn’t matter that you’d argued that this was the last thing any of you should have been doing with the blood moon right around the corner. Granted, you were only using that angle to try and get out of it, but you thought you still had a good point. Baekhyun muttered something about jealousy before scurrying off.  

You were not jealous. Why would there be any reason for you to be jealous of Mina? This time around, you wouldn’t have to cover her in water to get her to back off. 

Uneasy was the feeling you would say she gave you. Her hair still reminded you too much of the woman from your visions. It would be too much of a coincidence for her not to be, given the timing of her arrival and the fact that she was sticking around much longer than Dana had anticipated. You didn’t voice this assumption in order to avoid an argument or hurting Dana’s feelings. Mina was her best friend after all. She was supposed to be trusted. But you couldn’t quite hop on that particular train. 

You tapped your foot at an impatient pace against the concrete. Sehun had run off somewhere “real quick” and left you alone leaning against a red brick building where you were supposed to be meeting the others. A pounding headache made your forehead throb. You rubbed the skin, hoping that would help sooth it, but nothing helped. 

“You okay?”

You jumped a fraction from Sehun’s unexpected reappearance. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you lied, even plastering on a smile. “Just tired.”

He narrowed his eyes. “You sure?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. Wanting to change the subject, you pointed to the braided white string peeking out of his pocket. “What’s that?”

Noticing the string, he quickly stuffed it into his pocket. “It’s nothing.”

Now it was your turn to narrow your eyes. What was he hiding? 

Too curious for your own good, you pounced on him, clawing for his pocket. But Sehun was quick. He kept you back with his ridiculously long arms and no matter how hard you fought, your fingertips only brushed against the surface of his jeans. 

“Come on, Sehun,” you grunted through gritted teeth. The effort you were exuding was making you break out in a slight sweet on your forehead and upper lip. He, however, seemed to be nothing but amused. “Just let me see it.”

“No.” The jerk didn’t even sound a bit out of breath. 

Huffing, you stopped fighting and stepped back. “Why not?”

“Because I said so.”

“Oh, no. We’re not playing that game.”

“Fine. Tell me what’s bothering you and I’ll show it to you.”

You gaped at him. Seriously? He was going to try and pull that on you? “Nothing’s bothering me.”

“Liar.”

You folded your arms across your chest. “What makes you think I’m lying?”

“Because you’ve been in a mood ever since Dana brought up getting together with Mina again.” He raised an eyebrow at you, waiting. 

“I have not been in a mood,” you scoffed. 

“Yes, you have,” Sehun said. A predatory look flashed in his eyes as he stalked towards you. With no chance to jump out of the way or escape, you found yourself trapped between him and the wall, an arm on either side of you caging you in. 

Resisting the urge to gulp, you looked at each arm. You tried to convey boredom and an air of unaffectedness in your eyes. “Do you really think you can intimate the answer out of me?”

Sehun was taken aback by your comment, even straightening up and breaking the cage he’d put you in. “Th-that’s not what I was trying to do.”

“Maybe not consciously, but that’s typically the tactic you wolves tend to leans towards.”

“Sorry.” Sehun cleared his throat and shoved his hands in his pockets. It wasn’t the kind of apology you could entirely believe, but you’d let it slide. “But I still want to know what’s bothering you. And don’t say nothing, because I know that’s not true. I can tell. You’re constantly fidgeting and more argumentative lately.”

Wonderful. He was picking up on your other nervous habits. “Maybe that’s just who I am,” you said as you started picking at your cuticles. 

He placed a hand over both of yours. “(y/n)-”

“Hey!”

Lottie bounced up to the two of you, her smile shining brightly as Tao skidded to a stop behind her. Sehun shifted his hand so his fingers were interlaced with yours. As much as you appreciated the turn of events, you had a feeling this conversation would be revisited in the future. 

“Hey,” you greeted with a fake cheeriness. A queasiness was bubbling in your stomach. Sehun had developed this ability to read your face even when you were trying desperately to keep it neutral. How could he pick up on the microscopic changes in your expression? How could he read the emotions that you’d once been so good at concealing?

Or maybe you were never good at it from the start and Soomi and Mother Willow were just being polite and not pushing you to open up in the same way Sehun did so easily. 

“So we have some good news!” Tao beamed as he wrapped his arms around Lottie’s waist. 

He was hands down one of the touchiest of the wolves when it came to his mate - and that was a very competitive title. The boy would pout or whine if she put space between them or needed to leave the room for a second. You were half surprised that he didn’t follow her around everywhere. You’d once commented about it under your breath which earned a side eye from Sehun. He mentioned later that Lottie actually did have to have a talk with Tao about it. 

Apparently several of the mates have had to have “that talk” because a wolf’s natural instinct is to keep that contact and proximity. The longer they go without it, the more agitated they become. 

“Jongdae was the worst because he let it go on for so long,” Sehun had said as he played with your hair. The two of you had been lying on his (your?) bed, talking about nothing and everything, basking in the time alone. “He’d snap at the tiniest thing. Then when she had to live here at the house with us, it got even worse because she was near but he was still being stubborn. A few of us started being a little flirty with Jiyoung, pushing Jongdae’s buttons for the hell of it.”

“That is so mean,” you’d scolded, but any power was lost behind the chuckle that came with it. 

Sehun shrugged. “He kind of deserved it. He was an ass to Jiyoung for something that wasn’t her fault.”

You’d mulled over these new details you were learning about the wolves. Sehun had been a bit cranky in the beginning of your stay here, but he didn’t have to suffer too long before giving in. 

“What about Junmyeon?” you’d asked suddenly. 

  Sehun frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Kita was gone for a few weeks, but I never saw him get agitated about it.”

“That’s because he’s had practice at holding it in.” he explained. “Can you imagine having to be in charge of all of us? All the time? He’s got being calm and collected down to an art.”

That made sense. You’d seen the craziness that came with such an unusually large pack on a daily basis. You just hoped that Sehun didn’t try to sew himself to your hip.

Lottie elbowed Tao in the stomach, sending him a disapproving look before turning back to you. “What Tao means to say is that Mina dragged Dana into helping her with something before joining us so they’re running late.”

“Kyungsoo’s annoyed, as you can imagine,” Tao snickered. 

Sehun looked at you with a very pointed expression. Your response was to stick your tongue out at him. 

“So, what now?” Sehun asked the others. 

A grin spread across Tao’s face, crinkling his eyes. 

Lottie rolled her eyes. “We are not going shopping.”

In a flash, the smile was gone. In its place was his signature pout, but he didn’t argue. 

“We could always go ahead and go over to the festival,” you suggested. 

Now it was Lottie’s turn to shine. “Yeah! That sounds like a good idea. Let’s go!” She twirled out of Tao’s arms, taking his hand, and headed towards the center of the business district before he could voice his own opinion on the idea. 

White tents with open fronts lined up in rows facing each other, taking over the streets where patrons typically parked to visit the more permanent stores in the area. Even though it was the middle of the afternoon, the square was full of people milling about. They traveled in chaotic lines, going from tent to tent, stopping to examine the wares and products made by both local craftsmen and traveling artists alike. 

“Jiyeon should really think about putting her own work up for one of these things someday,” Lottie commented. 

“What does Jiyeon do?” She was one of the older mates - the first one, if you remembered correctly - but you hardly ever saw her or Minseok, the two of them seem to prefer to keep to themselves. When you did see her, she was usually with Evie. The two of them were close, almost like sisters with how in sync they were. She, too, had a motherly feel to her, but you couldn’t bring up the courage to start any sort of conversation with her. 

“She’s a photographer,” Sehun answered. 

“More like Minseok’s personal paparazzi,” Tao snicked. 

Lottie yanked her hand out of his. “Would you stop. Jiyeon can take pictures of whoever she wants as much as she wants. Especially Minseok.”

“Besides, everyone knows you’re just bitter because she’s never wanted to help you with any of your ideas,” Sehun added. 

“She took Kris and Evie’s engagement photos!” 

“Which is different than your fashion shoots.”

Blowing out air, Tao stomped off to a booth that was free of any photography. He pretended to be extra interested in the hand knitted beanies that were hanging from a display tree. 

“I’m not going after him,” Lottie said. 

Sehun huffed. “Fine. I’ll babysit him.” He walked off towards his friend, leaving you awkwardly standing there with Lottie. To your relief, she was kind enough not to try and force conversation. Instead she turned her attention to a Halloween themed booth. 

Little clay figurines covered the tables: black cats with their curved backs, Jack-o-lanterns with welcoming grins among, friendly ghosts among other cliche symbols of the season. One figure that you’d seen all too often caught your eye. Carefully, you picked up the green-skinned witch with the black and purple striped socks and pointed hat. Her nose was large and hooked, her hair frizzy and crimped. The typical picture that children thought of when they heard the word “witch”.

“Does that ever bother you?” Lottie asked quietly enough to not be overheard by the creator. 

You shook your head. “No. You get used to it. Especially when you remember that, to everyone else, you don’t really exist. You’re a fairytale or scary story. I can’t take offense when they don’t know any better.”

“But it can’t feel good when everyone see witches as ugly and evil.”

“Not everyone does,” you countered. “There’s a lot of stories where witches are good. Charmed, Halloweentown, Glinda the Good Witch. Although, if I’m honest, Wicked is one of my favorites.”

“The musical?” Lottie tilted her head, confused.

You laughed. “Yeah. I saw it once, years ago. Mother Willow didn’t approve - she doesn’t like any stories that involve our kind. But Soomi wanted to see it and I wanted out of the woods for a bit so we went. It was funny.” Your eyes drifted downward, lost in the feelings that had emerged with the memory. 

“I felt… I felt like I was watching myself on that stage, almost. The main character was judged and ostracized because she was a little different, even amongst those who were supposed to be extraordinary and different as well.” You cleared your throat, turning back to the table and putting the figure down. “Sorry. Got a little deep there.”

“No, its okay,” Lottie said. “It’s how you felt. I’m sure it was nice to find a parallel like that.”

You nodded. “It was.”

“Sorry to cut this short, but Kyungsoo called. They’re coming to join us now,” Tao said. Sehun was frowning beside him and looking right at you. Apparently, he heard your tiny confession. 

“We can still wander around for a bit longer,” Lottie pointed out. “They’ll find us and we can go around again.”

“Come on, Lottie. I want to show you something.” Tao dragged his mate away towards another tent that seemed to be selling clothing items of some sort. 

“Is that what’s been bothering you?” Sehun asked in a low whisper as he stepped inside your bubble.

“We’ve already been over this,” you groaned. “I’m fine. I’m not feeling like the freak anymore. Especially not with you.” You nudged his arm playfully in hope that he’d loosen up. It didn’t work. 

“I want you to be happy.”

“I am.”

“It doesn’t feel like it.”

“That’s because you’re forgetting what’s bound to happen in a few days,” you hissed. “The blood moon is almost here. No one has been able to figure out what the hell is supposed to be coming and I haven’t had any more visions to clue us in. So, just lay off, okay?”

Sehun sucked in his lips. Part of you wanted to stomp off and be a brat, but what good would that do? 

Even though it was kind of Sehun’s fault for pushing, you felt bad for snapping. But his mind had been on a single track lately. You were still terrified at what awaited during the blood moon. And you hated not being prepared. You just wanted him to understand. If he understood, then you might be able to open up about your suspicions about Mina. But this exact argument was keeping you tight lipped. 

Sehun sighed, his shoulders slumping. “I’m sorry.”

“At least that one felt real,” you muttered. 

Sehun poked your forehead teasing, getting you look at him. “Can I tell you something?”

You nodded. “Sure.”

“I love you.”

You swallowed back a whimper. There was that word again. 

A pregnant silence grew between you two. Was he expecting you to say it back?

“Oh, Sehun! Hi!”

Of for the love of- 

Irritated, you whirled toward the newest interruption, this time in the form of a bubbly, bouncing blonde named Mina. She was dressed to the nines, clothing absolutely inappropriate for walking around on the concrete for a long period of time. Soon she’d be complaining about her feet hurting in her over-the-knee boots and you’d be damned if she was going to beg Sehun to carry her on his back. 

Dana scrunched her face apologetically next to her friend. “Sorry we’re late. Again.”

Mina waved off the apology as if it was meant for her. “It's not a big deal.”

“You kind of have a bad habit of that, don’t you?” You raised an eyebrow, waiting for an answer. 

Mina shrugged it off, deciding that your argument wasn’t worth her time. “How much have you guys looked at already?”

“Not much,” Sehun replied. 

“Good! We can walk around for a bit. I really love cute, homemade things!” Mina started towards Sehun, her hand stretched out like she was going to grab ahold of his arm. 

Oh, no you don’t. 

The thought had barely manifested in your mind before a piece of the asphalt split and lifted in time to trip up Mina. She stumbled, barely being caught by Dana in time. Kyungsoo flickered his gaze in your direction, pressing his lips together to hold back a laugh. Sehun, however, did not find the humor in the situation. Whatever. 

Claiming your territory, you stepped in between Mina and Sehun, taking the latter’s hand. “Yeah, let’s go see what else is on display. I think I heard a band playing earlier.”

Mina caught the implication of the contact. “Oh. Are you two… together?”

“Yes,” you said matter-of-factly. 

“Interesting.” The corners of her lips turned up. “Duly noted.”

“What’s it to you?” you challenged. 

“(y/n)….” Sehun warned behind you. 

“It’s just good information to have,” Mina replied. She even batted her eyes innocently. Or maybe you made it up. Either way, you could feel your insides boiling. 

“Why?”

“That’s enough.” Sehun dragged you away from the group, around the tents to a more private area. 

Over your shoulder, you caught an amused look on Mina’s face. She didn’t find it as funny when the wind suddenly picked up, covering her face in her hair and messing up her hard work. 

Letting go of your hand when you were out of sight of other people, Sehun sprung on you. “What the hell was that?”

You set your jaw defiantly. “What was what?”

“You were absolutely fine before Mina showed up. Okay, I get it, she’s a flirt, but I’ve never seen you treat someone like that. It’s not you.” The look of disappointment on Sehun’s hurt worse than any scolding or lecture from Mother Willow or Soomi. “You’ve never used your powers to deliberately hurt someone.”

“She wasn’t actually hurt,” you mumbled, unable to meet his eye. 

Sehun whipped his head back and forth, deepening the cut. You hated hearing him talk like he knew every facet of who you were. He didn’t know everything. He had known you for a month, give or take, not years. You weren’t see-through, a book so easily read that a toddler could make out the words that described who you were. 

“You know what? Fine,” you snapped. “You want to know what’s been bothering me? And why I just did that? The reason’s the same. I don’t trust Mina.”

Instead maybe looking relieved at finally understanding or something to that effect, Sehun looked… disgusted. “You don’t trust her? What for? You hardly know her.”

You scoffed. “I know, but listen. Remember my visions? The woman who’s been with me in the woods?”

“You never saw her face,” Sehun argued. 

“Not her face,” you agreed. “But I’ve seen her hair. Her blonde hair. And her hand. It was pale. Like Mina. And after all this time, she just randomly decides to come visit for several weeks, right around the blood moon?”

“That doesn’t mean it is Mina. She’s Dana’s friend. Why would she be a danger to the pack?”

You threw your hands in the air, frustrated that he wasn’t giving your theory even the slightest chance. “Who knows anyone’s motivation these days? And from what Kyungsoo said, they haven’t been as close the past few years. Maybe she thinks Dana is being held against her will. Maybe some other wolf rejected her for his mate and now she hates all wolves. Maybe she’s just psycho! Who knows!”

“But you don’t know its her!” Sehun shouted. 

“Which is why I’d rather be safe than sorry!” you said even louder. 

Covering his face with his hands, Sehun growled, “I will never understand what the others mean by jealousy being cute.”

“This isn’t jealousy!” you screamed with all the power of your lungs. “I’m trying to keep everyone safe! No one else has seen what I’ve seen! I don’t want you to get hurt when I could have stopped it!”

“And what if you’re wrong?”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. He didn’t trust you. He didn’t believe you. He wasn’t even giving you a chance, chalking it up to some stupid misguided feeling of jealousy rahter than considering what you’d seen in your visions. What good was it to have a mate if he didn’t listen.

The gravel under your shoes crunched as you whirled on the balls of your feet. You weren’t sure what direction the woods were in this deep into town so you just started off in any direction.

“(y/n), where are you going?” Sehun called out after you. 

“To the farmhouse!” You refused to call it home. Once again, you didn’t have one. 

Behind you, a huff and the quick steps of a stupid wolf before he blocked your path reached your ears. “It’s not that way. If you want to go home, I’ll take you.”

Staying silent, you waved for him to lead you in the right direction. At least you wouldn't have to walk the whole way. 

The entire time you kept several feet in between you, mostly to keep him from reaching out to take your hand, but also to keep yourself from kicking him. Which was getting more and more tempting as you thought about it. Once you were in the car and traveling down the road, you closed your eyes to block everything out. Forehead against the glass, you tried to fight back the tears. 

He didn’t believe you. The one person in the world who was supposed to always be on your side and he didn’t believe you. 

It almost too good to be true, the sense of belonging, the feeling of acceptance. It was an illusion, brought upon by fate and hormones that pulled him towards you. It wasn’t enough. It had never been enough. Suddenly, the three words he’d said to you felt empty. And you felt lost. So completely lost.

[little-pubby]

imma just do these all at once bc i am not ab posting daily !! ;w; original post at the bottom i typed it so people don't have to scroll up and down to see the picture !

1. favourite movie

i have a few ! my favourite non little specific movie is young frankenstein, but when i am small i like hotel for dogs, the land before time, totoro, and surfs up !

2. favourite cartoon

i love blues clues, spongebob, arthur, franklin, clifford, and the berenstain bears !

3. do you sleep with a stuffie

yes a few ! gab, big peep, juju, and kimchi are always on my bed, and then a few other ones which get switches out so everyone gets time on the bed hehe

4. favourite animal

ohh this is really hard ! rn i really like giraffes and borzoi dogs

5. favourite colour

yellow ! it makes me happy and a lot of things i like are yellow !

6. do you have a caregiver

yes my fiancé is my cg ! i love him sooo much ♡

7. how many stuffies do you have

oh !! i don't know ? a lot ! probably around 100 ? most are my webkinz

8. do you prefer to colour or draw

when i am big i prefer to draw but colouring is so much easier when i am little

9. favourite toy

i have a moomins crinkle book i like a lot ! i also have a few legos that are fun to build with

10. play-doh or slime

slime all the way ! play-doh has a yucky texture and smells bad >:P

11. favourite little gear

i like overalls and when i sleep i like a paci. i don't really have a lot of "little gear" hairclips are fun too !

12. favourite video game

minecraft and animal crossing ! i am very into minecraft right now tho

13. ideal play date

i would love to go somewhere like a theme park or something like that and be little (like not obnoxiously, just be able to feel smol and comfortable outside of my own house)

14. build-a-bear or disney store

build-a-bear all the way ! i would probably like to bring one of my BABs to get a new outfit :D

15. astrology sign

i am a cancer but i don't really care about astrology Dx

16. favourite holiday

i don't celebrate many holidays, but i love love loveee halloween. i am sad since no body trick or treats in my neighbourhood so i can't decorate my house or hand out candy :( maybe i'll invite my friends over for a party this year

17. favourite littlespace activity

i really like to colour and watch cartoons, especially with a snack !!

18. baths or showers

normally i prefer to shower but baths are more fun than a shower when i am little !

19. favourite season

autumn ! i love the weather it's perfect here and all the orange and yellow and the yummy food ! fall scented candles are my favourite :D

20. favourite little meal

i like dinosaur nuggies ! scooby snacks and fruit roll ups are yummy too. i also like any fruit cut up in little pieces.

21. which age(s) do you regress to

around 3-7 i would say 4 is typical for me

22. do you have any "siblings"

no i don't, i don't think i would really be interested in this anyways. D: i'm not very open about age regression one on one with anyone besides my cg. also a lot of the local people here that "age regress" are,,, gross

23. sweet or savoury snacks

it really depends on how i'm feeling ! i typically prefer sweet things though but not a whole lot !

24. one positive thing about you

i think i try really hard to be helpful

25. favourite disney princess

i don't really like disney princesses and i haven't seen many of the princess movies, but my favourite disney characters generally are pongo and figment !

26. do you collect stickers

yes ! a lot !! especially since i have a hard time deciding where to put them >w<

27. dogs or cats

i can't pick i like both too much xD

28. colourful or dark aesthetic

definitely colourful ! especially primary colours !

29. favourite hobby

i really like to draw

30. favourite littlespace music

i have a playlist with a bunch of little music, i don't really like songs with lyrics for kids but i like soft stuff like lullatones music and game soundtracks like pokemon and minecraft

[gideongrace]

Ahh I want 17+27 please?

Ohhhh, this is a good one! This is gonna be some kinky shit! 

//

"Steve," Billy sighs his name more than he says it. "Please." 

"I know, I'm just…" Steve, turned painfully away from Billy, roots around in the complete disaster that is his closet. He knows he's got some rope in here somewhere…

"Steve," Billy says, all but begging this time. "Come on…" 

"I know!" Steve says again, more desperate, more wild. "Just…" 

The rope's not here. He could've sworn it was in here. He knows he has some, he can even picture it exactly, it's this beautiful pale green and it's the super soft silk kinda rope made explicitly for kink. He can even remember the last time he used it…

Shit.

The last time he used it was at that girl Anna's a couple months ago - he must have left it there. 

"Steve?" Billy's suddenly at his side, all concern with his big, warm hand on his shoulder and Steve doesn't have to look to know that the same concern coloring his voice is coloring his face, too. 

He looks anyway and he finds that - yep, Billy looks just as concerned as he sounds. 

Steve, in response, sighs. 

"What'd I say?" 

Billy gives him the most disarming grin he's got in his arsenal and it's almost damn near blinding. Almost, but Steve's been doing this Dominant thing for a while now and he knows how to deal with a bratty Sub. 

He gets to his feet with a raised eyebrow and pushes back his head and shoulders, making himself appear larger, even if Billy's still got a good bit of muscle on him; that Billy is still kneeling on the floor and he's standing helps a little.

"I believe the words I used were 'stay here'," he says, pointing with an index finger towards his bed. 

Billy scowls. 

"Fine," he grumbles as he half shuffles-half crawls back to the bed, dragging his feet so they squeak along the hardwood along the way. 

Steve sighs again as he watches Billy set himself squarely in the center of the mattress, looking like a golden-haired, angelic island in the middle of a navy blue sea. 

It's beautiful… but it's also all wrong. 

He walks over to the bed with the walking speed and countenance his first police captain had taught him - slow but determined, calm but not friendly. 

He crawls onto the bed and pushes Billy back, tips him over with one finger to the chest and Billy goes without complaint and without a struggle, tips over as easy as blowing over a feather but he also sprawls out like an octopus when he lands and he's got the biggest, most shit-eating grin on his face as he does it and Steve isn't quite sure if he wants to kiss him or hit him for it.

But, instead of either of those, he grunts and grabs Billy's hands one at a time and drags them up to the bottom rung of his metal lattice headboard and holds his hands there until his fingers uncurl one by one and he wraps them around the cool, cold metal. 

Then finally, finally, with that finally done (even though Billy still has his legs spread wide and that grin on his face) Steve says, "Stay here," and goes back to looking for something to tie Billy up with because lord knows, Billy's not going to stay where he's put. Not for long. 

"I just want cuddles and obedience," Steve grumbles, more to himself than anything, "Is that so hard? Cuddles and obedience. And rope." 

He's strongly considering using the one and only tie he's got hanging limply off a deserted tie rack lingering in his closet - he's never really liked the thing anyway and barely ever even needs it - when he spots a spare pair of handcuffs dangling out of a shoe sitting in the corner and he thinks, Perfect. 

Of course, when he turns to face Billy with them, Billy is lying with one hand spread lazily over his stomach and the other only just barely clinging to the headboard by the barest touch of a pinkie. 

And Billy's still got that fucking grin, the one that he just knows lights a fire in Steve's bones, the one that he just knows sets all Steve's edges to razor blades and his insides to barbed wire. 

But instead of saying anything even half that challenging, Billy says, "Really, Stevie? Handcuffs? A little cliche, isn't it?" his voice a soft and gentle purr that fights tooth and claw against that grin. Fights tooth and claw and loses.

And it makes Steve want to roar, makes Steve want to become like thunder and crack the sky and rattle the windows, but instead he remains calm, instead he holds the handcuffs gently in his hands like there's nothing threatening about them, like there's no threat at all and he says, "Oh, right, 'cause I'm the cliche," all delicate, gentle teasing as he prowls towards the bed. 

"Last week you wore your fireman's pants to the grocery store on your day off just to see if you could get a discount," he says as he climbs up and over his navy blue comforter - the one that matches the sheets he'd bought when he'd started dating Billy. 

In response, Billy snorts and the tension breaks and falls away as easily as snow sliding down a roof in the middle of winter. "Yeah, I guess we're both cliches, huh?" 

Steve rolls his eyes. "Sure, an asexual gay firefighter and an asexual bi cop, super cliche." 

He holds the handcuffs up questioningly, giving Billy a last chance to back out if he really wants to. 

When Billy's grin morphs into this dopey, happy look and he wraps his hands up around the middle rung of the headboard as tight as they'll go, when he nods and holds his body perfectly straight and perfectly still, when he does all of that, Steve advances, closing the distance between the two of them to lay himself over Billy as he chains his wrists up to the headboard. 

"There," he says, leaning back to admire his handiwork and the way that now that he's got what he wants Billy is perfectly behaved, perfectly still, perfectly obedient just like he knows Steve wants. 

Steve lets out a breath as he watches Billy breathe heavily underneath him and he can't help it, he needs to feel it so he drags his hands down Billy's chest and groans, stopping just over his nipples and thumbing them gently. 

"Alright," he says, once he's looked his fill, once he thinks the pattern of Billy's breathing has been imprinted into his skin, "Let's get started."

fic tag squad:

@a-magey @xgardensinspace @myboyfriendsteve @haxpr0cess @thinger-strang @nagdabbit @demi-don @lissieisspacey @tracy7307

(I can add or remove people from this list just let me know in a comment or whatever. 😁)

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Riding High Ch 17: Welcome To Miami

Chapter Summary: Frank, Fliss and the Circle Of Truth take a Road Trip….

Chapter Warnings: Bad Language words. SMUT (NSFW) No under 18s!!!

Chapter Pairings:  Frank Adler x OFC Fliss Gallagher

A/N: As always, gotta thank @icanfeelastormbrewing for her help and suggestions with this!

Chapter Song:   Live Forever by Oasis

Series Masterlist  // Main Masterlist 

Maybe you're the same as me, we see things they'll never see, you and I are gonna live forever

June 2018

“How’s Fliss?” Gregg asked as Frank leaned back in his chair, hand curled round his bottle of beer. 

Frank looked at his friend and took a deep breath “She says she’s ok. I think it’s the waiting that’s the worst. Knowing the board’s been held is one thing, not knowing the outcome….” “I know it’s hard and easy for me to say this but…well, even if he gets out he won’t be allowed anywhere near her. As I explained to her likely hood is he’ll be tagged and on a curfew and movements restricted to the state of Mass.” Gregg took a sip of his drink “And if it isn’t done automatically, through the appeal process I can file for further restrictions as well around him contacting her in any way, shape or form…but I’d be surprised if that isn’t a condition.”

“I know.” Frank said, “And she gets that…I think it’s more anger about the whole thing now you know?” “It sucks.” Gregg nodded “He spent so long abusing her and he’s still managing to do it in a way through all this.” Frank raised his eyebrows and took a drink of his beer, nodding to Jake and Simon as they approached their table.

“I know I don’t need to ask but…” Frank started but Gregg raised a hand.

“You’re right, you don’t.” he said, understanding immediately that Frank was asking him to keep quiet, and he nodded as their two friends arrived at the table. After the greetings they all settled down reaching for a beer from the bucket that sat in the middle of them all, the conversation easy. Frank was happy to see the boys, he hadn’t in a few weeks so he’d grabbed the opportunity for a few beers happily, Fliss and Mary practically shoving him out of the door as they had some girly night in planned with Roberta consisting of popcorn, pizza, facemasks and a Marvel DVD, Fliss and Roberta assuring him whole heartedly they were watching it because it was a good film and not merely to perve on Chris Hemsworth or Evans or whoever the hell the Chris was in this particular one.

Whatever, sweetheart.

“So…” Simon said, looking around the table “Are we still on for a weekend somewhere? 22nd to 24th June?”

They all made noises, and Frank nodded. “Schedules cleared, baby sitter lined up…we just need to decide where we’re going.”

“Well, I got something to suggest to y’all…” Jake grinned “Greg already knows about this, but basically, the Company we’re doing the promotional work for has offered us up to 10 each for the Miami Rocks Concert which runs that weekend....so if you’re interested.”

“Rock music?” Simon looked at him, and Jake shook his head. 

“Not just rock.” he said, leaning forward “It’s a combination of tribute acts and the real deal…and there’s different stages each with a different genre, and the main stage which contains the big acts.” “Ok, I’m interested…” Frank leaned forward.

“So the Friday night is a rewind to the 70s, 80s and 90s… headlined by none other than Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, Mr Will Smith himself…” Frank let out a snort and looked at Simon who had started bopping in his seat, clicking his fingers.

“That finishes about midnight and then Saturday is the big one. You got 5 Seconds of Summer, George Ezra and Liam Gallagher from Oasis headlining that night.” Jake continued “The other stages rage from all sorts. Mo-Town, Indie, Chart, Reggae…and then there’s a party after which continues until early hours, run by Hot Dub Time Machine.”

“Shut the front door!” Simon snorted “Hot Dub?”

Jake nodded.

“Dude I saw him one New Year’s Eve in New York a few years ago.” Simon said “He was brilliant!”

Frank sat and listened as his friends started to discuss the concert in more detail. He had to admit, it sounded like a pretty good idea, and just the distraction Fliss could do with.

“Hate to be the voice of logic…” Simon said. “But if it’s only like three weeks off, wont’ we have trouble getting hotel rooms?”

“Fuck that, I’ll sleep on the back of the truck.” Frank said, causing the rest of them to laugh. “No need Frankie-boi, I work for the Hyatt Group man.” Jake shook his head “Three rooms already reserved out in the Regency, about 10 minutes’ walk if that from Bayfront Park where the concert is…just in case you fancied it. $100 a room for 2 nights, including a late checkout on the Sunday coz, well, we’re gonna need it.”

“Three?” Frank frowned.

“You and Fliss, Simon and Bonnie, and Me and Greg…” “What about Zara and Lisa?” he frowned “I thought this was a couple’s thing, not a boys weekend away…”

“Well it was going to be…” Greg shrugged “But Zara’s away with the kids that weekend, decided to go back to California as her sister is being taken in for a C-section, and of course she has to be there…”

“And it’s Lisa’s idea of hell…” Jake supplied.

“So why don’t we re-arrange?” Simon asked.

“Fuck that!” Jake snorted “I’m got a child and fiancée free pass for the weekend.” “Amen brother!” Gregg hi-fived him.

“But you two can bring your girls, no problem…they’re cool” Jake gestured between Frank and Simon with his beer bottle. “Thanks for your permission…” Frank raised an eyebrow.

****

Naturally, Fliss was over the moon with the promise of a music festival, especially when she looked up the acts that were on. So, when the Friday in question rolled around, after dropping Mary at school, with strict instructions she was to behave herself as Frank WOULD be checking, they set off in Fliss’ jeep, Frank driving as she lounged in the passenger seat, eyes hidden by her aviators, hair pulled into a loose side pony tail as they made the four hour down the coast and across state to Florida, stopping half way for some food at a roadside diner.

Given that Simon and Bonnie weren’t due to arrive until just gone 5 ish, Bonnie having to finish the morning’s classes before she could leave and that Jake and Greg were here having come down the night before, when they had checked in they decided to freshen up and go for a walk, Fliss eager to hit Lincoln Road Mall. They spent a few hours just walking and looking in the shops, eventually finding a Pandora one which Fliss headed into wanting a new charm for her bracelet as a memory of the weekend. She paced the shop eventually settling for a silver palm tree with a small diamond in the middle of the trunk and Frank batted her hand down when she went to pay, instead producing his card. The usual argument about who was paying ensued, which eventually Frank won by telling Fliss that he wanted to be the one that filled that bracelet for her, and she relented, smiling softly. Frank didn’t miss the relieved look on the shop assistant’s face as she finally waved the out of the store.

They met Jake and Greg in a bar not far from the hotel, and they were joined by Bonnie and Simon for a drink before the two girls announced they were heading off to get changed and ready for the evening.  Frank left it until about 20 minutes before he needed to be ready and headed up to their room, pulling on one of his infamous hideous Hawaiian shirts which he had brought especially. Fliss looked at him, shaking her head with a fond smile on her face as he innocently asked her what the problem was. She laughed and told him nothing at all, before she gave him a kiss and they headed down to meet the others.

The walk down to the Park took them 10 minutes. Fliss was walking slightly ahead with Bonnie, her braid swinging down her back, gently brushing against the yellow off the shoulder top she was wearing. Her bottom half was dressed in denim shorts, a pair of pink converse boots on her feet. She’d certainly embraced the Festival Vibe, opting for bright colours in honour of the fact they were heading back musically a few decades. They arrived and joined the queue to exchange their tickets for wrists bands which took them about 15 minutes, and then they joined the lines to get through the main gates. That didn’t take long at all and once they were through they followed the crowd before Greg stopped, and looked around.

“We get split up…” “We all got phones!” Jake snorted “What are you, 50?”

“Sorry, force of habit with the kids…” Greg let out a groan as everyone laughed.

“So the main stage is that way…” Jake said, pointing to his left “Right at the back. DJ stage is there, and the other stages are dotted about…anyone got any preference on where we go?” “Other than Will Smith I really wanna to go the 80s stage!” Fliss grinned and Bonnie Hi-Fived her.

“Yeah we got some Duran Duran to dance to.” she agreed. “And Erasure.”

“And Wham.” “And Culture Club….” “Yeah, we get the picture…” Simon rolled his eyes.

“Oh and I want to see the Queen and AC/DC tributes.” Fliss finished.

“Anything else?” Frank looked at her.

“Beer.” she nodded “We need beer.”

“Well we need tokens.” Jake said, “No cash at the bar, tokens only so…the tent is over there…”

They all set off, Fliss and Bonnie hanging behind chatting away, but it wasn’t long before their chatter died down and Frank turned to see that, actually, it hadn’t died down, they’d disappeared. “Where the hell are the girls?”  Simon asked, looking round as he realised they were missing.

“Knowing Fliss in some tent getting her face painted…” Frank paused, turning on the spot before he spotted them. Fliss was stood as Bonnie was sat on a stool, having some sort of Festival glitter painted around her temple and eye socket. “Yup, there you go…” Simon followed his gaze and snorted. “Fucking hell…what are they, 8?” “Leave ‘em be.” Frank said fondly “Come on, let’s go get the drinks sorted.”

He waved at Fliss, before pointing to where they were going and she gave him a thumbs up to show she understood, before Bonnie stood up and she sat down. Frank smiled at her face as it lit up and he headed off after Simon.

By the time they had gotten the tokens and ordered beers for them all, the girls still hadn’t joined them, and it didn’t take long to realise why. They were both in a tent which contained 2 electronic dance mats, right in the middle of a very energetic dance off.

“It’s like having a pair of kids…” Simon mumbled the boys stood by the entrance to the tent whilst Frank simply grinned. As they watched Bonnie made a mistake, the mat flashed red, and then another one, before Fliss made one too. The two girls’ foot work was ridiculously fast as the song gathered pace and finally the routine ended. Fliss grinned and hi-fived Bonnie as their scores flashed up, Fliss winning by 60 points.

“Yesss!” she grinned punching the air as Bonnie shook her head and the man handed them both some really tacky bright pink beaded necklaces for taking part.

“Re-match…” Bonnie said, looking at Fliss as they both dropped the necklaces over their heads.

“Maybe later, I’m fucked now…” Fliss said, bending over, hands on her knees as she drew her breath “I need a drink!”

She turned and saw the boys in the doorway, Frank raised an eyebrow and held up the beer and she grinned.

“I knew I bought you for something.” He rolled his eyes and then Greg suggested they head off to the first stage for the start of the 80s Tribute acts. They only intended to stay for a short while but Fliss begged Frank to stay longer, and was backed up by Bonnie as the Duran-Duran band came on. Fliss told Frank if he wanted to go and meet up later he could, but truth be told he didn’t want to. This was as much a weekend for him and her as it was for him and his friends, so with that in mind Simon and Frank both decided to stay with the girls and that they would find the others later.

And Frank was glad of his decision, as about 20 minutes later, when Hungry Like the Wolf started to play, Fliss was bouncing around like a lunatic. He knew it was one of her favourite songs, and seeing her cutting loose was making him a little horny if truth be told. He moved up behind her and grabbed her hips, swaying with her in time to the music as he dropped a kiss to her shoulder, gently singing along as she danced in front of him, occasionally brushing up against the front of his shorts, which was doing nothing to help his current situation.

“Someone’s definitely on the hunt down…” she teased, pushing her ass back into his crotch whilst she turned her head to face him as the song morphed into Rio. He grinned and gave her a kiss.

“Not hunting, I already got you.” “Hmm, yeah you did…” she murmured against his lips.

The continued dancing with one another, Simon and Bonnie doing the same before the 4 of them all decided they were ready for another drink. As fate would have it, they found Greg and Jake already at the bar. They muscled their way in, grabbed another beer and then all turned to head towards one of the tall, standing tables which were dotted around not far from the bar. Frank waited for Fliss as she had ordered a bottle of water too, and the guy serving had forgotten it. When he came back, apologising, Fliss waved him off and thanked him as Frank picked the bottle up and stuck it in his pocket. He reached for Fliss’ hand, and they were making their way over to their friends when suddenly he felt Fliss yell out and she stopped dead. He turned to face her, seeing someone had bumped into her and her beer had spilt all down her top.

“Hey, come on man…” Frank looked at the guy as Fliss pulled her hand out of his to wipe at her top “Be careful huh…” But the man wasn’t looking at him, his eyes were fixed completely on Fliss. “Yes, wouldn’t want an accident now would we, Felicity?” At the sound of her full name Frank instantly knew this had to be someone to do with her ex-husband and he reached out for Fliss as he saw her stiffen and slowly she raised her head to look at the man, her eyes widening and she swallowed.

“Richard.” she spoke softly.

“Fancy seeing you here. Must be nice to be free to do what you want.” “Yeah, well, making up for lost time I suppose…” she said, “I didn’t exactly get a lot of chance to have fun when your brother was beating the shit out of me.”

Her chin raised a little defiantly and Frank felt a surge of pride as she stood up for herself, the anger evident on her face.

“You’re a fucking liar…” Richard said and Frank immediately stepped in.

“Ok that’s enough…” he said sternly, looking at the man “We’re not here for any trouble, we’re just out for a good time with friends, and I’d like to keep it that way. So, if you don’t mind, we’re done here.” he turned to Fliss and slid his arm round her waist, making to steer her away.

“You need to be careful.” Richard spoke to Frank’s retreating back. “Now she’s got her claws into you, you’re done…first sign of trouble she’ll be accusing you of all sorts.”

Frank sighed, he’d tried to be reasonable, but the anger felt like it was bubbling from his feet and he whirled round, placing himself in between the man and Fliss. “Listen, asshole, why don’t you just fuck off?” he spoke, tone laced with venom. “Your brother is a nasty, wife beating, rapist piece of shit.”

At that Richard stepped forward, drawing himself to full height, still a good 3 inches shorter than Frank. His fists balled as he clenched his hands at his side, his mouth curled up into a snarl.

“She’s a liar.”  Richard pointed at Fliss, before his attention turned back to Frank. “She lied and because of her, John’s life and career is ruined…” “His life? Ruined?” Frank barked out a laugh “Your brother got nothing more than he deserved, and so will you if you don’t get the fuck outta my face.”

“Frank…” Fliss pleaded with him, pulling on his arm and desperately looking around for help before this descended into a fight. Thankfully, she caught Jake’s eye who hit Greg on the shoulder, who in turn tapped Simon, and the three of them plus Bonnie hastily started to jog over.

“If he was that bad why has he been considered for parole?” Richard shrugged “An appeal his lawyer is convinced he’ll win…” Richard said, taking a step back as the other men approached. “And that’s all because they finally saw through her lies…” Frank made an angry noise but Greg pushed himself in between the two men, patting Frank on the chest.

“Come on buddy…” he said. “Whatever it is, leave it…” Jake went to grab Frank’s arm, but he jerked it out of his grip.

“I’ll tell you this…” Frank said, pointing at Richard “If he gets out, you can tell him from me, he stays the fuck away from my girl, and the rest of my family, you got that? Or I’ll put him in a hospital, see how he likes it.”

“Big man making all the threats huh?” “It ain’t a threat, it’s a god-damned promise.” Frank snarled. Richard gave a snort of a laugh before he allowed his wife to steer him away, shooting one last contemptuous glance at both him and Fliss.

“What the fuck?” Simon turned to Frank, who completely ignored him and moved to where Fliss was stood, her arms wrapped cross her front, hugging herself, Bonnie gently talking to her.

“You ok?” he asked her gently and she gave a nod as he took her in his arms, hugging her tightly, hand falling to the back of her head.

Gregg gave Frank a questioning look, which Frank answered with two words “His brother.” Gregg’s mouth fell open and he gave a nod of understanding.

“Who’s brother?” Jake pressed, “What just happened? I’m so confused.” “To be fair that doesn’t take much…” Frank heard Gregg say which earned him a “Fuck you” in response, and the two men began to bicker as Fliss stepped back from his arms. Frank looked down at her, taking her face in his hands.  “You good?” 

“Yeah…” she nodded “You shouldn’t have risen to him.” “Probably not.” he shrugged “But I’m not having that piece of shit or anyone associated with him trash mouthing you.”

“My hero…” she rolled her eyes, but the smile on her face told him he wasn’t in too much trouble. He gave a snort of a laugh and dropped a kiss to her head. “Can we go back to the dancing now please? And I need another beer, that ass hole spilt mine.” “Is it time for tequila yet?” Bonnie asked, offering Fliss a drink of her beer. Fliss took a sip, shaking her head 

“I swore after last time I would never drink that shit again.”

“But that was a lie, right?” Bonnie looked at her as she passed her pint back over.

“Yup, a very big lie…” Fliss agreed, causing the rest of the group to laugh.

So they did their tequila. Several shots of to be intact and spent the rest of the night wandering stage to stage, lapping up the atmosphere. Frank kept a close eye on his girl who seemed none the worse for her encounter as she danced the night away with him and Bonnie, the 2 of them disappearing at one point for a walk around the various stalls that were around the outside, coming back with a packet of interlocking glow sticks which they proceeded to activate and make head wear out of.  

Will Smith took to the stage at about 10 pm and Frank was beside himself with laughter as Fliss reverted to some kind of school kid. She seemed to know every single word to every goddamned song he had, and when it came to Men In Black she launched expertly into the dance routine that half the crowd were doing, in time to the video showing behind the stage.  Simon and Jake tried to copy her before they both gave up and when she finished she turned around and Frank raised his beer to her and she bowed, as they all laughed. Deciding that they didn’t want to stay for the after party, considering they knew it was going to be a really late one the next evening, instead they agreed to head down to the beach. They managed to find a guy who was walking round with a cool box selling beer and they bought 2 bottles each, for twice the price they should be but, whatever…

When in Miami…

As they walked across the sand, Frank looped his arm round Fliss’ shoulder whilst they weaved themselves through the various mini-parties which seemed to be going on as people were set up all over with small fires, beer, drinks and music playing. Frank had a sneaking suspicion half of them were probably intending on sleeping there too. Eventually they found a clear spot and flopped down onto the sand, under the illumination of one of the boardwalk lights and then Simon stood up, heading over to a group of teenagers sat a bit to their right.

“What’s he doing?” Greg asked.

“I think he’s reverse bootlegging.” Jake said and Frank gave a snort of laughter.

“What?” Fliss frowned, “What’s that?” “Instead of selling alcohol to underage kids he’s buying it off them, look.” Frank said, nodding to him. Fliss watched as Simon slipped one of the kids a twenty and took the bottle of vodka he was offering to them, raising it up as he walked back.

“What the fuck man?” Greg snorted “That’s…”

“Shameful.” Jake nodded before he chuckled, shaking his head. “I love it.” With a grin Simon dropped down next to Bonnie, standing the bottle of vodka up in the middle of the circle they seemed to have made as Fliss sat between Frank’s legs, leaning back against his chest. His spare hand ran up and down the outside of her thigh softly as they all sat chatting about the evening, comparing their best bits and what they were looking forward to tomorrow evening. Eventually, someone, Frank wasn’t sure who, decided that they should play Never Have I Ever, and Fliss eagerly agreed, jumping in with the first question.

“Ok, never have I ever driven a boat…” Fliss smirked.

“What, that’s a crap one!” Frank snorted “Everyone here’s probably driven one…including you.”

“Nope…”

“Bullshit!” he snorted “On our first date, and several times since…”

“I sailed it Frankie, I didn’t drive it…”

He paused for a moment and then looked up as everyone in the circle grinned.

“She’s right man…” Simon conceded “I sailed mine too…” “And me…”

“And me…”

“Oh fuck you!” Frank spluttered as they all laughed at him. Fliss handed him the bottle, which he took from her with a glare taking a mouthful. Fucking hell, he could tell it was cheap as it burnt like paint stripper as he swallowed, wincing.

That was basically the way the game went. Each trying to deliberately catch everyone else out. Simon caught Jake spectacularly, forcing him to reveal a tale about how he got locked out of a hotel room, naked on the balcony and climbed down 2 storeys to go and get a spare key from reception, Simon repeatedly got Bonnie on a number of occasions before Frank caught Fliss out with the tale of how she had once called her University Lecturer “Daddy.” by mistake.

“Ok, Never have I ever…”  Fliss paused, before a wicked grin spread on her face and she looked at Frank “Called anyone else’s name during sex.”

“Oh God…” Frank heard Bonnie mumble from where she was sat, but before he could even open his mouth to call Fliss an ass hole, he saw Greg reaching for the bottle.

“No WAY!” Fliss spluttered, looking at Greg “What? When!”

“I was about 21…” Greg said, scrunching up his face. “I was in bed with a girl and, well, I called her mom’s name.” The entire group fell silent before Jake, Frank and Simon all let out a roar of laughter, and Fliss snorted, grinning from ear to ear.

“That’s…impressive.” Frank nodded as Greg put the bottle down and Fliss picked it up and handed it to Frank. Everyone turned their attention to him as he narrowed his eyes and grabbed it from her.

“Spill.” Simon pointed at him.

“I err, well…look, it…” Frank stuttered over his words “I was…look we don’t need to discuss this…” he said, knocking back the vodka and avoiding Bonnie’s eyes, shaking his head “I plead the 5th.” There were various groans around the group but when they realised Frank wasn’t going to budge Greg shrugged, calling him a pussy, and picked the next category.

“Never have I ever kissed someone of the same sex.” he said, with a raised eyebrow. Both Fliss and Bonnie moved for the bottle at the same time, and the boys all cheered. 

“Was it each other?” Simon grinned “Please tell me it was…” “Ok,no…that…” Frank began to protest, hiccupping slightly.  “That would be weird…”

“No it wasn’t each other.” Bonnie grinned at Simon “I was 17, playing spin the bottle and had to kiss this girl called Eva…” “And that’s it?” Simon asked. 

“Yeah…” she nodded, taking a drink from the bottle before she passed it to Fliss.

“Spill…” Frank instructed her, his hand on her hip where she was still nestled in between his legs.

“I was 19…and, yeah, well, I experimented” she shrugged. “A few times…”

“Wait, there was…” Frank looked at her as she turned her head to grin at him “You did more than kiss?”

“For me to know and you to find out Sailor…” she winked. Well fuck me!

Another 15 minutes or go they’d exhausted the bottle of vodka and decided to call it a night. Bonnie was faring the worst out of them all, her and Simon walking a little behind everyone as he kept his arm round her to keep her steady. Frank noticed Fliss was remarkably with it considering what they’d drunk, but then for such a small person she did have quite a high tolerance, and she’d drunk a hell of a lot of water as well.

At the hotel they bid everyone goodnight and headed up to their room where Fliss decided she needed to shower to get rid of all the glitter and sand and sweat from dancing. Frank was inclined to agree so let her go first, swapping over after 10 minutes or so with an exchange of a soft kiss in the bathroom doorway. By the time Frank got out of the shower Fliss was sat cross legged on the large bed dressed in a camisole and boy-shorts set which was white with multi-coloured polka dots on it. It was the set he had bought her for Valentine’s Day, along with a set of baby-pink lace underwear. He loved seeing her in lace, but there was something about the lounge sets like the one she was wearing now that gave her an innocence, made her look so comfy and so settled that he adored seeing her wearing them around the house and to bed…even if they didn’t stay on long.

She grinned up at him as he smiled, crossing to drop a kiss on her head.

“You raid the minibar?” he asked, nodding to the packet of chips she had ripped open.

“Yeah.” she shrugged “Figured fuck it, why not?” “Well…”he crossed the room and opened the fridge which was under the TV unit “In for a penny…” he pulled two beers out, popped the tops and passed her one.

“Don’t you think we’ve had enough?”

“Can you see straight?”

“Yeah…”

“Then no.” he said and she laughed, taking it from him.

“You’re a bad man Frank Adler.” “I try.” he quipped. She shook her head, smiling before she reached for her phone which had just gone off. Frank whipped the towel from around his waist and stepped into a clean pair of boxers before he roughly dried his hair.

“Bonnie says her and Simon are hitting the beach during the day tomorrow…do you fancy it?” “Sure.” he nodded, dropping to the bed, laying down on his side, propping himself up on his elbow as he reached for a Dorito.

“At least I think that’s what this message says. ‘Going to the Bitch…’ I mean that’s gotta be beach huh?”

Frank snorted as Fliss scrunched up the empty chip bag and tossed it across the room where it settled just besides the bin. They both looked at it for a second before Fliss shrugged. ”She was trashed.”

“I’m not surprised.” Fliss said, moving to toss her phone onto the night table before she too settled on her side, facing Frank, elbow on the pillow “Simon was deliberately asking questions in that game where he knew she’d have to drink…” “Oh and you weren’t…” he looked at Fliss who shrugged, grinning cheekily “Never have I ever called anyone else’s name during sex, I mean seriously! She was right there!”

“I know, which is what made it so funny.” “Funny is not the word I would use…” “Oh whatever, and as if Greg has done that too!” she said, chuckling as she also settled on her side “He’s a dark horse…” “So are you…” he looked at her taking a long drink of his beer. “In fact….I think you need to tell me more about these lesbian encounters you experienced whilst experimenting aged 19."  

"They weren't proper lesbian encounters, I was teasing you...."

"I don't care, make em up." He said and she let out a laugh.

"If I do will it get me something nice?" she grinned.

"Something very, very nice."  He raised an eyebrow suggestively.

Fliss grinned and then launched into a clearly made up bullshit story about some girl called Candy and Frank completely zoned out. He was simply too caught up concentrating on the childish, teasing expression on her face as she spoke. Her eyes were shining in the dim light of the room as she talked and grinned in the same manner she had been doing all night. Not even the encounter with that asshole’s brother has dampened her spirit. She was just enjoying herself, freely. And so was he. She said she couldn't remember the last festival or concert she had been to, and Frank had admitted the same. It had to have been easily 10 years ago. It felt good to be recapturing that part of their lives they had both given up (albeit for very different reasons) and making new memories together that he knew would last a lifetime.

A lifetime...huh, how about that?

He zoned back in just in time to hear Fliss' very risqué story telling, and dropped his head with a sight that was half laugh, half groan at her filthy tale.

"...and her thighs were so strong, it was ridiculous, my ears were squashed so hard, I felt like my head was in a vice. Still, I managed to-"

"Ok..." he said, taking her beer off her and setting it down on his nightstand along with his, before he leaned over Fliss, caging her with his arms "I'm getting kinda jealous...and a bit turned on...it’s kinda confusing.

“You asked…” she muttered as his face dropped her hers.

“Yeah, I did…” he said softly, his lips brushing against hers “And I promised you something nice…” “Very,very nice…” Fliss said, her hands sliding up his arms to his shoulder.

“Well, I’m a man of my word…” he grinned, lips pressing to hers harder this time in a soft, deep kiss which he pulled away from and ran his nose against hers.

“Turn over…”

“What?” she looked at him, her eyes widening slightly.

“You trust me?”

“Of course I do…” “Then turn over…”

She took a deep breath, and looked at him and he looked straight back, fully understanding what she was thinking. He’d never asked her to do that before. “Lissy, I promise I’m not gonna hurt you.” “I know you’re not…” she said, shaking her head, before she bit her lip and he moved back so she could turn over onto her stomach. With gently finger tips he brushed her hair off her shoulders, sweeping it to one side gently dropping soft kisses down her neck as his hands traced down to her hips. He gently grasped her top and she moved to allow him to slide it up and over.

The sheets on the bed rustled slightly as he moved downwards, pressing his lips to the small of her back, watching her reaction carefully as he saw her fingers clutching softly at the pillow. He continued his affections, lips and hands exploring every part of the soft skin on her back until he was fully led over her, thighs bracketing hers, his mouth gently sucking at that spot behind her ear that drove her wild. And right on cue she let out a low groan and he felt his groin twitch at the noise. Fliss could feel his hardness against her back and as his teeth gently grazed her ear she felt her spine arch slightly.

He moved away, and his hand gently slid to grasp at the hem of her shorts, and she tilted her hips up slightly so he could pull them down, hurriedly departing with his own boxers before he resumed his previous position.

“You good?” he asked her softly and she nodded in response.

With gentle hands he reached down between her legs to finding her hot and wet for him already. At his touch she arched her back again. Frank let out a grin and moved slightly so he could part her thighs with his knee. Repositioning himself, he led flat, his arms sliding up hers so he could lace his fingers with hers, palms resting on the backs of her hands and he gently pushed into her, the pair of them giving a groan at the feeling and tightness of this angle. He gently thrust, his chest sliding up over her back, and she moved ever so slightly with him, her head tilted back slightly and she turned her face towards his where he caught her mouth in a slow, sloppy kiss. Frank continued his languid, deep movements, listening to the quickening of her breath and eventually he felt her hips beginning to rise in slow circles, her whimpers increasing.

He gently knelt up, and pulled her hips so she was perched on her knees, pushing into her slowly, deeply, letting her get used to the position that they’d never tried before because Frank knew it wasn’t one she had good memories of but right now, her body was relaxed and she was giving him everything. His hand reached up and he traced down her spine before he leaned over and placed another soft kiss on her neck before he moved and grasped at her hips again, his pace gently quickening, a low moan escaping his mouth as Fliss pushed back onto him, wordlessly telling him she wanted more. He thrust forwards again and again, pulling her back onto him at the same time, his eyes focussed on where they were joined, the sight of him sliding in and out of her made him moan with desire.

“Don’t stop…” he heard her half pant, half whisper and he picked up the pace ever so slightly, leaning over to gently nip at the back of her neck, causing her to shudder, a deep growl rumbled in his chest as her walls briefly squeezed around him.

“Fuck, baby…” he groaned as her hands clutched at the bed sheets whilst he buried himself deep inside of her stilling for a moment.

“Frankie…” she whined and squirmed as she turned to look at him over her shoulder. Once glance at his clenched jaw and she knew he was trying to fight back his high as he picked up his previous movements, just a little bit faster. She was close, quietly moaning his name as she dropped her head back down, forehead against the pillows, her spine arching as he continued to thrust.

Frank groaned again “Come on sweetheart...” his voice deeper like it always was when he was in the throes of desire, “let go for me.” He rolled his hips forwards, five or six more times before she was done.

“Fuck, Frank, I…” she let out a broken cry as her core spasmed again and again and her entire body trembled as a loud lament spilled from her lips. He was done himself, and with a groan of her name his relief washed over him with an intensity he couldn’t even begin to describe.

Fliss collapsed forward and Frank tumbled with her, his chest onto her back, his weight crushing her in the best way possible for a second ot two before he rolled onto his side. Reaching out, his hand gently across her bare back as Fliss face, which was pressed into the pillow turned to face him.

He leaned over and gave her a soft kiss, brushing her hair off her face.

“OK…” she mumbled, nodding at him “I’ll concede. That was very, very nice…”

******* “You behaving?” Frank asked Mary as he and Fliss lay in bed the next morning, the phone held at arms-length so they could both see her.

“Yeah, of course…” Mary rolled her eyes “Bill took me to the yard last night and Joanne helped me tack Monty up and then Bill walked round the field with us so the dogs could have a run and it was awesome!”

“When I get back we’ll do the full trail ride.” Fliss smiled at her “Takes a good hour, we can go one evening before it gets dark.”

“Cool!” Mary grinned, bending down and then suddenly Fred’s bemused face filled the screen. Frank snorted as he was instructed to say hi to Fred, which he did, before the cat settled down on Mary’s lap and she continued to chat to him about what she had done the night before…which was basically staying up until gone midnight with Bill watching Harry Potter in the movie room.

Eventually they got her to pass the phone over to Verity, who assured Frank she was no trouble, and then they cut the call and decided to get up and head down for breakfast to meet everyone.

The day was spent lazily on the beach. Fliss hardly moved at all, simply soaking up the sun as Frank and Simon continuously brought her and Bonnie a supply of drinks as the man remained by the bar at the top of the sand.

“I gotta ask…”Bonnie said, turning to look at Fliss “And tell me to shut up if I’m outta line but yesterday, that guy Frank looked like he wanted to kill…who was he? Simon says he’s never seen Frank that angry…” “Oh, err…” Fliss rubbed her head “It was my ex-husbands brother, he was being an ass hole.” “Oh.” Bonnie frowned “I take it you don’t get along…nasty break up?” “You could say that…” Fliss said, taking a sip of her drink, tapping the straw lightly on her lips. “John…my ex…he er…he used to beat me. Badly. He’s actually in prison, well, for how long we don’t know as he had his parole hearing about 4 weeks ago so..” “Oh shit…” Bonnie dropped her gaze “Sorry, I didn’t…” “It’s ok.” Fliss said, waving off the usual apologies that came when she told someone about her past.

There was a moment of silence before Bonnie sat up and looked at Fliss.

“Wanna go for a dip?”

Fliss glanced at her, then down to the ocean and grinned, nodding.

Yelling to the boys to watch their stuff they headed down to the waves, Fliss happily diving straight in, simply allowing herself to float. She was calm, relaxed, and couldn’t remember a time she’d ever felt so happy before.

Eventually, it hit 5pm and Fliss was hungry. So they decided to pack up, grab a bite from the bar and then go change ready for the evening. Fliss had to smile as she saw Frank and the rest of the boys stood at a table by the beach bar all clutching pints and laughing. He was dressed in a pink shirt, black shorts with a baseball cap on the wrong way, glasses shielding his eyes.

“I never realised what an overgrown Frat Boy I’m dating.” Fliss mumbled to Bonnie who snorted as they made their way up the wooden boardwalk, beach bags in their hand.

“Hey pretty girl.” Frank smiled as Fliss slid under his arm, reaching for his pint. With a roll of his eyes he watched as she took a huge drink. “You know if you want one I’ll get you one…” “Tastes better when it’s someone else’s…” Fliss shrugged.

“Yeah, why is that?” Bonnie asked.

“Because it’s stolen.” Simon looked at her “Well known fact, forbidden fruit just tastes better.”

Fliss went again for Frank’s drink and he jerked it out of her reach “Piss off, look, here…” he said, reaching into his pocket and handing her his wallet “Go to the bar…” She grinned and dropped a kiss to his lips, turning away, Bonnie following.

“Dude you’re so whipped.” Jake snorted at him.

“Yeah, I don’t much care.” Frank shrugged, burping slightly as he looked at Fliss, taking in her appearance. Her hair was falling around her face and down her back in a mass of long, messy salt and sand tangled waves and she was wearing a pink crochet slip over her black bikini. He would happily admit he was well under her spell and that she could whip him all she fucking wanted to.

They grabbed a bite to eat, headed back, changed and made their way to the park for their second night of music. It went much the same as the night before, Bonnie and Fliss taking off on their own adventures, and Frank keeping his eyes peeled for any sign of John’s fucker of a brother, but he didn’t see him.

By the time Liam Gallagher came onto the stage, Fliss was drunk. And so was he. But it didn’t stop her from going wild. Once again she knew every single word to every single song and when he launched into Rock and Roll Star she started pogoing like a person possessed. Mind you, so was everyone else on the dance floor in front of the stage, so Frank joined in. He quite liked this song and, well, if you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em…

He ended the set with Live Forever, Frank’s favourite song that he had done and Fliss sighed happily.

“He’s sooo good!” she said, “Why does he have to go?”

“Because his set has finished.”

“But why?” “Because it has!” Frank laughed “He’s been on for almost an hour and it’s 1 am!”

“Hey, Liss, don’t worry…” Bonnie hiccupped “Hot Dub starts in 20…just enough time for a drink…” “Yes…” Fliss agreed, pointing at her. “But I think I need some water too.”

“Pussy…” Frank looked at her and she narrowed his eyes at him.

“I’ll carry on drinking beer if you want, but you’ll be clearing up my puke later…” He snorted and held his hands up, palms out “Water it is…” Hot Dub Time Machine was surreal. He was on for about an hour and took them through a load of the best party songs from the 60s right through to the present day. One minute Frank was doing the Twist and Shout with Fliss, and the next they were all in a circle air-guitaring to Immigrant Song by Led Zep.

By the time they left the park it was almost half 2 in the morning and Fliss decided that she didn’t want to walk and insisted Frank give her a piggy back. He rolled his eyes but crouched down and she took a jump onto his back as he carried her the 10 minutes or so back to the hotel, Simon groaning at him as Bonnie kept complaining he wouldn’t carry her.

“You’re showing me up, dude!” he glared at Frank who simply shrugged as Fliss smirked.

“I like riding him…” she hiccupped, as everyone burst into laughter and Frank shook his head as she pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“You’re a fucking nightmare” he sniggered and she shrugged.

*****

The next morning everyone was feeling the effects of a heavy weekend, and Frank was pleased that they had the late check out option. Eventually, after dragging themselves out of bed they managed to shower, pack up and head down to check out. There was another argument about who was paying for the room, this time Fliss winning as she put her foot down telling him he was paying for New York and that she really wanted to pay for this. She’d told Frank before about John never letting her have any financial control over anything and Frank knew that it meant a lot to her so he relented, and instead bought them brunch before they set off home.

They got back in time for a roast dinner, and then they headed back to the annex to watch a film, Fliss crashing out halfway through. She left them to it and headed to bed and was flat out by the time Frank made his way upstairs.

“I can’t believe you got the day off!” she moaned at him over breakfast on the Monday morning.

“I can’t believe you didn’t” he shot back

“I can’t…clients and stuff.” she pouted, biting into her toast before she groaned again. “I’m too old for partying all weekend…I can’t hack it anymore.” Frank snorted and took a sip of his coffee before Fliss grinned at him. “Can we go again next year?”

Frank laughed “The Circle Of Truth have already decided it’s going to be an annual thing from now on.” he said, standing up and with a kiss to her head he moved to the stairs yelling for Mary to get a wiggle on. She came down the stairs, Fred and Thor following before she ate her cereal and then Frank bustled her out of the door to drop her off for the last Monday of the school term.

Wednesday lunchtime, however, their happy little bubble burst.

Frank was actually in the sales part of the shop, discussing the benefits of different types of engines with a customer, having been asked to give some advice. He spotted Fliss’ jeep pulling up and as soon as she climbed out and turned towards him, he could tell from her face what was going on.

“Excuse me for just one second…” he politely told the customer, and glancing at his boss he jerked his head towards Fliss. His boss, a nice enough guy called Andy, knew vaguely what was going on and nodded in understanding as Frank stepped outside.

“Baby?” he asked tentatively as Fliss stopped in front of him.

“He did it….” she said softly, stepping into his arm, pressing her face into his chest.  “He made parole. They let the fucker out.”

[ggukcangetit]

Dreamcatchers Chap 3

Pairing: jungkook x oc

Synopsis: DI Jeon didn’t need a new partner. Unfortunately, his superiors felt otherwise; especially considering the extremely high-profile murder that had just taken place in the port city. Recent transfer, DI Choi Yuri finds herself confronted with a new cityscape, unfamiliar people, a hostile partner, and a homicide that is certain to bring back unpleasant memories.

Genre/AU: fluff/action/mystery | detective! au | police!jungkook, police!oc

Word Count: 4.1k

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: mentions of violence, alcohol, blood, drugs, death. Basically stuff you’d associate with a murder mystery/crime drama

Previous: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

Acknowledgement: shoutout to @stutterfly​ for designing this beautiful banner which i am completely in love with and stare at for no particular reason throughout the day

A/N:  reminding everyone that this story features a named oc because i’m still very unfamiliar with writing second person reader inserts. i’m not aiming for strict accuracy in this story, and all criminal investigation/forensics knowledge i have has been gathered by watching crime drama/procedural dramas! my knowledge of geography is also not totally accurate so apologies for that. once again, one thing right by @hobios​ prompted me to write a police inspector! jungkook story. would highly recommend reading that because it’s probably one of my most favorite pieces of writing!

18th December

Ahreum parked her motorbike outside the bakery and checked her phone for messages. There were none. This wasn’t unusual in itself, except for the fact that she had been supposed to meet him 2 hours ago at the other end of town. Which meant that he was hiding from her. 

“Where is he?” she asked, walking up to the counter and heaving a tired sigh.

Seokjin pressed his lips together, trying to suppress the grin that was threatening to break out. Ahreum was definitely a force to be reckoned with - usually bright and overflowing with energy, there was only one situation that caused the optimist in her to hurtle towards a speedy demise. 

“Can I interest you in some raspberry choux au craquelin?” He picked up a tray with freshly baked pastry and waved it enticingly in front of her.

“This doesn’t work on me, Seokjin. Although-” she picked up a few and wrapped them in some paper napkins - “I’m sure Yuri would love to try these. Now, where is he?”

Seokjin sighed and took off his apron. “He’s in the room right at the back where I do the accounts.”

Ahreum sighed and walked around the back of the counter, heading towards the rooms at the back of the bakery. Seokjin had three areas at the back - his kitchen (really no one other than him was allowed in here), the store room (which was way too small to fit even one full grown person in it), and the accounts room (where a certain someone had taken to hiding whenever things got a little too difficult). 

And sure enough, a mop of curly black hair was visible from the door to the accounts room. On any other day, Ahreum would’ve found his shenanigans extremely hilarious; but she was really not in the mood for any silly games today.

“You were supposed to meet me two hours ago.” Her voice was soft but it still made him jump up and nearly knock over the PC he had been fidgeting with. 

“Fuck!” he gasped. “What the hell? I nearly died!”

Ahreum rolled her eyes as she helped him up. “Don’t be dramatic, Tae. It’s really not as attractive as you think.”

Be that as it may, there was not much that could be considered unattractive on Kim Taehyung. He was somewhat of a social media celebrity thanks to the aesthetically taken pictures of his undoubtedly handsome face - all of which Ahreum had taken. In fact, when Ahreum had shown Yuri some of the pictures from her instagram page, she had gasped rather loudly.

“He’s literally a piece of art!”

“I mean, yes, he’s definitely conventionally attractive,” conceded Ahreum, a little annoyed that her photography was almost completely being ignored. “But what do you think of the pictures?”

“‘Conventionally attractive’? Is that the best you can do with your Literature & Creative Writing degree?”

Ahreum peered over his shoulder to see what he was working on so intently, only to find that he was-

“Playing a game?? You ditched me to play a fucking PC game?” she gasped, whacking his shoulder hard. “What the hell is wrong with you, Kim Taehyung?!”

“No!” He held his hands up to protect himself from further blows. “I just started playing a few minutes ago! I swear!”

“Why’d you ditch, then?”

“Because…” he trailed off, looking away guiltily. That, in essence, was the entire problem regarding Kim Taehyung. He ran at the sight of any kind of responsibility or hard work. Correction - any kind of hard work that wasn’t related to his hobbies. 

“You were supposed to finish reviewing company policies today so that you wouldn’t be unprepared when you meet your dad tomorrow.”

“I know.” He looked downcast, switching off the PC monitor. ���I just-”

“If this isn’t what you want to do, you should just tell them.” Seokjin walked into the room, untying his apron carefully. 

“I don’t know,” sighed Taehyung. “I’m not sure if this is what I want to do, but I don’t know what else I could possibly do. I’m not like you.”

“You don’t have to be like me, Taehyung,” sighed Seokjin. 

Taehyung let out a humorless laugh. “Eomma and Appa sure are trying their damned best that I do become like you. At least, like you till you ran away.”

Seokjin snorted. “They’re tenacious, if nothing else.”

“Are you ever gonna come home?” asked Taehyung, looking up for the first time.

“No.”

This had never been an easy topic of discussion. Mr. and Mrs. Kim were owners of the largest financial consulting firm in Busan. They were well-liked in society and highly respected for their unusually ethical business practices. So it was a huge shock when their elder son - who had gotten an MBA and possessed all the qualities of heading a large company - had left home suddenly, leaving only a single note.

This is not the life for me. I have dreams of my own. I don’t think I can stay in touch. Please forgive me. 

There were many tears shed, but recovery was quick as a new successor had to be found. Thus, the Kims’ younger son - the one who had lived a charmed and carefree life while his brother learned about business techniques and the history of the company - was suddenly thrust into the front line. 

Naturally, when Taehyung had run into his brother a few miles outside of the metropolitan, running a cozy bakery, he had been less than thrilled. Ahreum still remembered the angry tears that had rolled down her friend’s usually cheerful face. Seokjin, on the other hand, looked so conflicted that Ahreum thought he might just combust on the spot. It had taken a few weeks, but the brothers had eventually reconciled. Taehyung had made a deal with his parents - he would attend all meetings and grooming lessons as long as he was allowed to live somewhere else. And that somewhere else happened to be Seokjin’s small, but tastefully done up, apartment. 

Taehyung usually had 4 meetings in a week; all ending by 4 pm so that he could drive home before nightfall. The rest of the days, he was free to do whatever he pleased. This arrangement had worked well for almost 3 months, but Taehyung’s free-spirited nature could only hold out for so long. He had been reaching meetings late, forgetting to complete paperwork, and even sneaking out early if he could manage it. Seokjin had requested Ahreum to make sure his younger brother attended all his meetings because he was always managing the bakery at those times. Seokjin himself made sure that Taehyung didn’t forget to do any of the work that had been assigned to the younger boy during his meetings. 

Today, however, Ahreum realised that her friend was at his breaking point. He had done everything in his power to avoid her so that he wouldn’t have to prepare for the meeting. Not just that, Seokjin-

“Why’d you let him hide here?” Ahreum turned towards the older Kim brother, her hands on her hips - a sure sign that her patience was running thin. “After the dozens of lectures you gave me about making sure he’s doing what he’s supposed to, you go ahead and help him play hooky? What the hell, Seokjin?”

Seokjin didn’t know how to explain to her that he felt guilty. Guilty that his younger brother was suffering like this, guilty that his parents were so desperate that they had decided to entrust the future of the company to a young boy who had missed his final university exam because he had found a stray puppy during his morning cycle rides (and had promptly decided to adopt it). But Seokjin couldn’t leave behind his dream - his resentment towards his family had been growing with each passing year, and the drastic move and change in communication had been a desperate attempt to stop himself from hating his family forever. Caught between doing right by his own self and by his parents and younger brother, Seokjin often questioned if any of this was worth it. 

But rather than explain all this to his brother’s friend - who had pinned him with a rather glowering look - he did what he always did in difficult situations. He avoided answering directly and used humor to deflect everything.

“I was cleaning up your mess, unfortunately. I’m not the one who lost him during a fixed study session, Ahreum. You should be thanking me,” he grinned, dodging the pencil Ahreum threw at him. “But since I’m such a generous, handsome, charming, and talented individual, I’ll let it slide and pack two large boxes of pastries for you to take home. One for your friend and the other for Namjoon. No charge, it’s on the house.”

Ahreum rolled her eyes while Taehyung giggled at his brother’s speech. 

“I’d better get 4 large iced teas along with the pastries,” she said, finally relenting. Seokjin winked at her and went back to the front of the store to get everything prepared.

“I’m sorry for ditching you,” Taehyung said softly, his black curls falling over his eyes. “It won’t happen again, I promise.”

“Maybe we should try and figure out a different system. How many more of these meetings and lessons do you need to attend, anyway? Why don’t you ask your parents if you can reduce the number of meetings in a week?”

“I guess I could,” he replied, thoughtfully. “By the way, did you see Jimin on your way here?”

Ahreum shook her head. “Nope. Was I supposed to have?”

“No… it’s just that-” he checked his phone absentmindedly. “He hasn’t been answering any of my calls or texts since last night.”

“Since when does Park Jimin start his day before 3 pm?” scoffed Ahreum. “He’s probably hungover at some girl’s apartment.”

 “Aw come on, Ahreum. He’s been so much better recently,” whined Taehyung. “And I’m not saying that just because he’s my best friend. He barely parties anymore - unless it’s a business appointment. He’s been helping his dad with the business as well. Unlike me, he actually goes to work 5 days a week.”

“Wow, let’s give him a medal for doing the bare minimum.” 

Seokjin appeared at that moment, holding two bulging pastry boxes and a cup holder with 4 cups of iced tea.

“Tell Namjoon to drop by sometime, or that’s the last eclair he’ll be seeing!” he yelled as Ahreum strapped on her helmet and bade goodbye.

xxx

Jeongguk sat at his desk, his mind straying to that night in November. He could clearly recall the murder - the young woman on the ground, blood leaking from the multiple stab wounds all over her abdomen. She lived on part-time jobs, her demeanour quiet and unassuming as recounted by the handful of employers who had managed to recall her face. It was not surprising that she did not have too many possessions of her own, her life neatly tucked away into a one-room storage on the ground floor of a run-down building. But it wasn’t all of this that kept distracting Jeongguk from almost everything in his life - it was the picture of a three year old girl, the only evidence of life in the entire room, smiling brightly at her mother. The mother who lay in a pool of her own blood, and the little girl who had been missing since that day. 

“The ramen’s gone cold? Things must have really changed since I last saw you, Jeongguk.”

Jeongguk turned around at the sound of a familiar voice, his eyes lighting up in surprise.

“Yoongi? What are you doing here?” he asked, getting up and hugging his friend. “Why aren’t you in Seoul, putting bigwigs behind bars?”

“Let’s get some lamb skewers. My treat.” Jeongguk grinned at the suggestion, the grisly murder and the missing girl temporarily forgotten.

20 minutes later, they were sitting at a hole in the wall diner that Jeongguk hadn’t been to since he had been promoted to Detective Inspector. 

“Are you telling me that our own Min Yoongi is now a father? The same guy who instilled fear in the hearts of the juniors by narrowing his eyes at them?” 

Yoongi laughed, his gummy smile appearing for the first time. “She’s almost 4 weeks old. Sometimes I’m not even sure if she’s real. But then Eunbi puts me on diaper duty and there’s no way that smell can’t be real.”

“Knew she was something special the day she called you out on your bullshit,” grinned Jeongguk. “The famous Min Eye Narrowing technique didn’t work on her.”

“Yeah, she told me to stop pulling all-nighters and get a new prescription from my eye doctor,” recalled Yoongi, adjusting his glasses. “Turns out the famous Min Eye Narrowing technique was just plain old myopia.”

“But enough about me,” he continued, once Jeongguk had stopped laughing. “Why was that ramen sitting out and getting cold?”

Normally, Jeongguk wouldn’t discuss the details of a case with anyone else. But Yoongi wasn’t just anyone - they had trained at the same police academy in Seoul and the older boy had quickly understood that 18 year old Jeongguk wasn’t a standoffish troublemaker; just extremely homesick. Even after Jeongguk had moved back to Busan, he and Yoongi still kept in touch with each other, no matter how sporadic.

Jeongguk sighed and explained the details of the November case. “I just can’t let it go. Where is that little girl? We haven’t found a body either - so there’s a chance she might still be alive. It’s just- I think I’m going crazy.”

“I understand,” said Yoongi, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “That pathetic partner of yours can’t be of much use either, I’m sure. Still don’t know how they promoted Song to Detective Inspector. I’ve always maintained that he’s one shot away from becoming an alcoholic.”

“Well you weren’t wrong,” said Jeongguk, with a resigned chuckle. “They relieved him of his duties a couple of months ago.”

“Oh? Who’s your new partner then?”

“Some annoying Captain America wannabe,” grumbled Jeongguk. It was a well-known fact that he was a huge Iron Man fan and had not appreciated the ending of Civil War. “Choi Yuri - she’s from Seoul.”

“Choi Yuri?!” asked Yoongi, his eyes widening comically. “Your new partner is Yuri??”

“You know her?” asked Jeongguk, frowning.

“Of course I know her! We worked together for almost 3 years!” exclaimed Yoongi. “Wait, why’d you call her a Captain America wannabe? You hate Steve Rogers.”

“I do not hate Steve Rogers. I hate Captain America. There’s a difference.”

“Still doesn’t explain why you don’t like Yuri.”

“She’s too by-the-book.” Jeongguk frowned, his fingers twirling the chopsticks absentmindedly. “Perfect first impression, perfectly friendly to everyone, perfectly punctual; Goh absolutely loves her. I’m sure she’ll get in the way of the investigation because of her need to follow procedure to the t.”

Yoongi frowned. “That... doesn’t sound like her. I mean, she’s definitely punctual but she’s never made a great first impression. She usually comes off as reserved, aloof - haughty even.”

“Maybe she’s changed,” shrugged Jeongguk, not particularly interested in the personality changes of his new partner.

“She has. I didn’t think that incident would have affected her like this. But…” Yoongi trailed off, staring at nothing in particular.

“What incident?”

“The reason she was transferred from Seoul. Hasn’t she told you?”

“No.”

“I don’t know if I should…” muttered Yoongi, his face reflecting his inner conflict. “But if knowing the truth makes it easier for you two to work together, then…”

Jeongguk frowned, wondering what exactly the big mystery was.

“We were investigating a homicide and it led us to a very high profile family in Seoul. It was quite clear that the eldest son was involved in the murder. I was Chief Inspector at that time, and we were getting a lot of pressure from above to wrap up the case without involving the family. But Yuri was determined to pursue the investigation. She had even rented an apartment closer to work so that she could devote more time to the case. One night, when she got back to her apartment, someone attacked her. It was quite brutal and she needed a couple of surgeries and two months of therapy after that. We eventually had to drop the case against the eldest son. Right after that, Yuri got her transfer letter. I didn’t know she had been transferred here, otherwise I would’ve told you about her. She’s a smart detective, Jeongguk. Just try and work with her. Maybe she needs some time to adjust to getting back to work after that entire fiasco.”

Jeongguk was stunned. He would never have thought Yuri had gone through something so traumatic if Yoongi hadn’t told him. Her outward demeanour hinted at nothing of the sort, and he felt a small bubble of guilt forming in his stomach.

xxx

Yuri sat at her desk, going over the autopsy report for the twentieth time. There were no leads (other than a very uncooperative Park Jimin), no physical evidence, no concrete motive - things were looking increasingly hopeless. On top of that, she still had to contend with an asshole of a partner. 

“Yuri?” Seulgi ran up to her desk, slightly out of breath. “Where’s Jeon?”

“Dunno,” she shrugged. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“I think we may have something.” Seulgi pulled up a chair and sat down beside her. “After the autopsy concluded that Eunwoo hit his head after being pushed, I wondered if there was a proper fight preceding that. So I examined his clothes and hands once again - to try and find any evidence of a scuffle. And I did. There was dried blood, not a lot, put enough for me to run a test on it. And you know what I found?”

“It wasn’t Eunwoo’s blood.”

“Exactly. Which means...?”

“It might be from the person who fought with and then shoved him to his death.”

“Unfortunately, the blood on the sleeve doesn’t belong to anyone in the system so I would need a sample to test it against.” Seulgi waved a hand in front of Yuri, trying to get her attention.

“Oh yeah… Sorry. Yeah, a blood sample. Our only suspect right now is Park Jimin. But we let him go yesterday because we didn’t have anything concrete to hold him.”

Seulgi frowned. “So what are you waiting for? Ask him to come in and provide a blood sample.”

“It’d be completely voluntary, though. He has every right to refuse,” said Yuri, closing her eyes in frustration. She had a feeling there was no way Park Jimin would cooperate with her now when he had blatantly refused to provide an alibi earlier. 

“I know you’re new here, Yuri,” said Seulgi. “But Jimin’s an asshole. Everyone knows that. He’s evaded the law so many times because his father has the best lawyers on his payroll. That’s why he’s not in the system even though he deserves to be - he’s bought his way out multiple times.”

“You really don’t like him, do you?” asked Yuri, genuinely curious.

Seulgi’s body stiffened at the question and she stood up suddenly. “I’m just stating facts. I don’t know him personally.” 

Yuri could see that she had touched a nerve. “I’ll try and get him to give a blood sample. How long would you need to run the test?”

“I can have it done the same day if I get the sample early enough.”

Yuri pocketed her phone and keys, swiping the half-empty bottle of water from her desk, and walked towards the exit. Her mind was thinking of how exactly she could convince Park Jimin to willingly provide a blood sample. Try as she might, she couldn’t shake off the wariness she felt around young sons of influential businessmen and politicians. She no longer knew what the right step forward should be in an investigation. Something that was instinctive and almost second-nature to her, had been robbed from her and she had no idea how to get it back. Her continuous second-guessing would eventually show in the investigation, and she had no doubt that Jeon would jump at the chance to expose her inadequacies. Once again, she felt alone and vulnerable; somehow trying to survive while her weaknesses were laid bare for anyone to pick at. She had never felt this powerless since graduating from the academy.  

In her distracted state, Yuri almost ran into heavy incoming traffic. Almost. Fortunately, someone grabbed a hold of her and yanked her back by her elbow before she could become roadkill.

“Oh my god! Thank you so much! I-I wasn’t looking where I was-” she stopped short as she realized who had pulled her back to safety.

“Yoongi?!”

“Don’t sound so surprised. I’m not the one who was heading directly into peak traffic,” said Yoongi, rolling his eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah I’m fine,” she said, still trying to process everything. “What are you doing here?”

Before Yoongi could reply, another voice spoke up. 

“Why don’t you guys go ahead and catch up? The coffee shop across the street isn’t too bad. I need to attend to some paperwork anyway, so don’t worry about me. I’ll see you later, Yoongi.”

Yuri stared open-mouthed as Yoongi grinned and thanked Jeon for lunch.

“So, coffee?”

It had been a few months since Yuri had seen her friend and senior. He didn’t look too different, except for the bags under his eyes. Maybe he had become a little thinner as well.

“You didn’t tell me why you’re here,” said Yuri, once they had both gotten their orders. 

“I came to pick up something for the little one,” said Yoongi, opening a packet of sugar and offering it to her.

“Shit. I totally forgot! The last time I saw you, Eunbi was approaching her due date! How is she? And how’s baby Min doing?”

Yoongi scrunched his nose at the last question. “Baby Min is a horrible way to address anyone. Let’s not do that. Eunbi’s fine, and so is the little one. We still haven’t decided on a name yet.”

“I’m sure you’ll think of a really beautiful name,” Yuri said, smiling softly. “There’s no need to rush.”

“How are you?”

Yoongi’s question was simple. But they both knew that the answer to it was anything but.

“I don’t know.” The frown on her face told Yoongi that a direct approach was not going to work.

“I heard that you haven’t been getting along well with your new partner,” he asked instead, suppressing a grin when her eyes lit up furiously.

“About that,” said Yuri, crossing her arms over her chest. “How do you know Jeon?”

“Jeongguk and I trained at the same academy. I was a couple of years ahead of him. But we have a mutual love of lamb skewers that helped us bond. He’s a good kid.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” muttered Yuri. “Didn’t think I’d ever doubt your character judgement abilities, Yoongi, but I’m gonna have to disagree with you on this one. Jeon’s an asshole. And he’s made things really difficult for me, even though it’s barely been three days since I started here.”

“I won’t lie,” chuckled Yoongi. “He didn’t have the best things to say about you either. But I think I know you both quite well. And I think you’ve both got bigger things weighing on you right now which have clouded your personalities. I’m not saying you should go ahead and become best buds right away. Just… keep an open mind.”

Yuri remained quiet, not sure how she felt about what Yoongi had just said. It annoyed her that her friend didn’t appear to be on her side completely. 

“I can see that you aren’t liking what I’m saying and the annoyance has already started to show on your face,” said Yoongi with a twinkle in his eye. “So I’m just going to say one last thing on the issue. The 2nd November case that Jeongguk’s been overseeing - I want you to go over it. You might be able to help.”

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea…”

“I know that you’re scared. Your fear is completely understandable. But that’s just a part of you - maybe a bigger part than you would like, but a part nonetheless. You didn’t choose this and you definitely didn’t want this. But it’s something that you are going to have to accept eventually. The scars that are formed unknowingly, unwantedly, mistakenly - they are all part of your constellation.”

It was strange. Yoongi hadn’t told her to overcome her fears - he hadn’t even asked her exactly what it was that she was afraid of. But his words had struck a chord somewhere. 

When they parted outside the station a little later, Yuri stared at her friend while trying to decide what to tell him. In the end, she settled for something professional whose meaning was deeply personal to the two of them.

“I’m sorry they demoted you.”

xxx

hey everyone! hope you’re enjoying the story so far. feel free to drop a message/ask if you have any questions/thoughts on the story.

[seagreen-meets-grey]

When Lightning Strikes Ch. 9

When your life is nothing but a cloudless sky, lightning can come and strike you so unexpectedly, you won’t even know what hit you.

Or: When Hiccup and Astrid meet, it is as if lightning strikes.

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 10] [Chapter 11] [Chapter 12] [Chapter 13] [Chapter 14] [Chapter 15] [Chapter 16] [Chapter 17] [Chapter 18] [Chapter 19] [Chapter 20]

Crossposted on ao3 and ff.net

_______________

“Hey.”

His touch and voice tore Astrid from her thoughts and her mind blanked for a second. Up close, she could see the many freckles on his face and the strands of hair that stood in every direction. When she caught his eyes properly, she steeled herself.

“Hi.”

He started balancing back and forth on his heels, casually putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans, dropping the two packed sandwiches he’d just held. “I thought I saw you at the park yesterday.” He ducked down to pick up his food, coming up with a red face.

“Oh, right. I was…” – running away from you – “in a hurry.”

She watched as he absentmindedly grabbed something from a shelf next to him and ran his fingers over the print. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she registered it was women’s shaving cream.

“Yeah, me, um, me too. I mean–“ He put the item back and ran his hand over his neck and the gesture was so familiar, she wondered how she’d come to learn to associate it with him during the handful of times they met. “I was there with my friend, and… Oh my god, you met him, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what he said to you, he just doesn’t hear how stupid and obnoxious he sounds most of the time, and he doesn’t mean to, at least not usually, and I’m sure he didn’t want to sound like a creep or anything, and I really hope he wasn’t being terrible, because he can actually be nice, and I’m rambling, do you want me to stop talking, I can stop talking, I can – I’ll just stop talking.”

Maybe it was the awkwardness, the hands flying roller coasters through the air, and the genuine concern about annoying her, or maybe it was her lack of sleep from last night, but she couldn’t stop the amused grin from blooming on her face.

“It’s okay, I don’t even remember what he said.” She reached out and gently socked him on the arm. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

He exhaled in relief and properly smiled at her for the first time. It was that lopsided smile and the kind gleam in his eyes that still kept haunting her in her dreams and fantasies that she just couldn’t seem to ban from her mind, no matter how hard she tried. But she had to make peace with that. She’d had to accept that one of her favorite shows had ended in an, in her opinion, not so perfect way, and she couldn’t do anything about that as well. (If she turned a blind eye, the comparison might even work.)

“It’s been what, one and a half years? How- how’s everything? How’s um… How’s Eret?”

„Good. It’s… We’re good. He’s on a work trip.” Why was she so nervous? Maybe it was the effect of those green eyes and that smile that made her fidgety and stumble over her words.

He was about to respond when she held up her hand in an emergency decision. “Look, I have to go.” Didn’t need to make up a reason, right? “But maybe we can talk later?” She fished her phone from her pocket and created a new contact before handing it to him. “I don’t have much to do this upcoming week and since my best friend is on vacation in Europe, having a friend around would be nice.”

For a moment, he stared at the device a bit dumbfounded, then his fingers tapped a series of digits and he handed it back. “All your friends are on vacation in Europe?”

“No, just that one. But everyone else is kind of busy.” Did that sound like some kind of excuse? She hoped not.

“Oh, okay. Well, I’ve got work, but not all day, so…” Before he could start rambling again, he stopped himself by pressing his lips together and nodding a few times.

Giving herself something to do that didn’t include looking at his soul-searching eyes, she fumbled with her phone, opening up a new chat and typing in a simple “hi” and a friendly emoji. “Check your phone.” Looking up again, she gave him one last smile, then she grabbed the next best item from the next best shelf and brushed past him on her way to the door.

“Um, don’t you want to pay?” he called after her. Right, crap. The cashier looked up from his magazine at Hiccup’s words and watched her warily with narrowed eyes. Wordlessly, she hurried over and fumbled a bill out of her wallet on autopilot, taking the change and stuffing it in the pocket of her pants. Then she left with a quick wave over her shoulder. Hiccup was still standing there, holding his sandwiches in one hand and the other frozen mid-air in a waving gesture.

Only when she was back at the house did she realize she’d bought shaving cream with a raspberry and cheesecake smell. With a groan, she tossed it into her duffle back. She hated that artificially sweet stuff. She’d have to go back to the store to get what she’d actually come for tomorrow. Hopefully, she wouldn’t run into anyone else that she knew.

After several hours had passed and her phone hadn’t chimed once, she huffed and turned it off. Her heart shouldn’t be beating so fast every time she checked it for new messages. She wasn’t a teenager waiting for her crush to text her, although the sentiment didn’t seem too far off, her age aside. But she would rather punch herself in the face than admit it was true. If anything, she was waiting for a friend to contact her. Nothing more.

It was the only truth that she’d ever allowed herself to believe. At times, it sounded almost like a mantra she kept repeating, in yet another sleepless night after she woke from the same old dream. She knew that Eret could tell something was off with her, trying to concentrate on throwing these thoughts and feelings out of her mind and unintentionally growing distant while fighting her inner battle of guilt and stubborn loyalty to her principles. Whenever Eret realized he couldn’t get through to her during these phases, he grew distant himself, and it usually ended in either a big fight or a steamy reconciliation.

She guessed it had only been a matter of time until they’d end up where they were now. But she didn’t want to remind herself of last week, instead nudging her thoughts in a more flowery direction. Like to last winter when she went to Austria, high into the Alpines, feeling like she was in a whole other world. Almost touching the sky, her steps painting shapes into the white wonderland, the air frosty and revitalizing.

Then she came home, back to Eret, back to the life she chose, back to the routine that would slowly make her restless again. Make her feel like there was more to her life than Eret, although she quickly made herself brush that thought aside. For the most time, everything was fine and she was glad she married him. It was what she’d always wanted – a secure life with someone she loved and who she knew loved her, a life she was comfortable and familiar with.

But after a while, that restless feeling would return, and she booked her next ticket. Sometimes, her husband would accompany her on her adventures and they were twenty again, their relationship new and exciting. Other times, however, she went alone, glad to get away from it all. It was like a never-ending cycle of comfortable domesticity and the longing for more.

For some reason, sitting on her parents’ couch, waiting for a text from a guy she shouldn’t be so excited about texting, felt like another adventure, like that something more she was always desperate to reach. It shouldn’t.

She could feel herself drifting off into dangerous territory again, fields upon fields of what-ifs, throwing her about like a churning ocean as soon as she dared to step onto the soil. The only other pressing matter on her mind was no good alternative to mull over, though. It just made the ball of nerves in her stomach tighten until she couldn’t sit still anymore, so she jumped off the couch and went for another run. Maybe, if she drove herself to exhaustion, her mind would become pleasantly blank.

The exercise helped. Soon enough, she could hear her blood pumping through her veins, could feel every short breath in her lungs, every muscle in her body. Her feet were pounding onto the asphalt and dirt paths that lead her all around the neighborhood, until she reached the house again, panting and refreshed despite the sweat running down her skin. She felt right again, like everything was how it was supposed to be.

Only after she took a long shower and dragged dinner with her parents out into the late hours of the day, she turned her phone on again. It chimed, several new messages popping up. None from Eret. A few from Ruffnut, asking for a video chat. One from her assistant trainer, telling her that the Berserkers, their rival swim club from the next town over, had opened up a spot for Berk’s junior team to train in their swimming hall, the small one reserved for the swim club only. It was good news, very good at that. Not only could she finally go swimming again, but her team had the chance to train again as well, to get ready for their next meet with the Berserkers and Bog Burglars.

Taking a deep breath, Astrid put her phone away and rolled onto the other side of the bed, burying her nose in the pillow with the small smile on her lips wavering. No further messages.

_______________

The berries in Hiccup’s sundae were swimming in a sea of melted ice cream, splotches of whipped cream giving the sad picture a moldy flair. Around him, the sound of chatter and spoons clinking against glass provided his ears with white noise; not even the voices of his friends discussing some trivial matter reached his ears.

His eyes were glued to the little text box on the bottom of his phone screen, his fingers hovering above the letters of the virtual keyboard. The screen went dark from inactivity and his reflection stared back at him, adorned by greasy fingerprints in the shape of his unlock pattern.

“Hiccup, you still with us?” The sound of his name finally pulled him out of his thoughts. When he looked up, three pairs of eyes were looking at him expectantly.

“Huh?”

“You kind of spaced out there for a while.” Fishlegs pointed at the phone in his hands, trying to get a look at the screen but giving up when he saw it was dark.

“Oh. Sorry. I was just… Never mind.” He laid his phone next to his sundae and started stirring the warm, sugary soup with the long spoon, frowning at the viscous consistency. Just when he had brought himself to eat a spoonful of ice cream soup, his phone chimed and he dropped the spoon as if it were burning hot. It fell back into the sundae, splashing purple-pinkish soup on his shirt.

His shoulders sagged when he saw it was a text from his dad, replying to his last message with a simple thumbs up. With a sigh, he went back to stirring his soup, ignoring the curious looks of his friends.

“Did something happen?” Fishlegs asked, concern lining his voice. “Are you waiting for an important call?”

Hiccup shrugged in the most casual way he could. “Nah. It’s just the old question of who’s going to text first, me or her.”

His friend’s face lit up in understanding, then went back to a slight frown. “I thought you quit online dating.”

“I did.”

Leaning forward, Heather pushed her empty sundae cup away from her and placed her elbows on the small table. “Enlighten us. We want details.”

Hiccup sighed. “It’s not like that. She’s… a friend.” Heather didn’t look convinced in the slightest, her eyes boring into him like an aggressive x-ray. He quickly turned to the man sitting next to her. “So, Cam. How was London?”

Cam, a young man with blonde hair that went down to his shoulders, scratched his beard as he put on a reminiscent smile. “Not as rainy as we thought.”

“As you thought,” Heather interrupted him and set her eyes back on Hiccup. “And you stop changing the topic!”

But Hiccup kept his attention stubbornly on Cam. “Heather mentioned you guys saw Romeo and Juliet at the theater?”

With a wary glance at Heather who was still not done with the subject, Cam nodded. “The interpretation was a little unusual, with a lot of slang and modern topics. Not quite the classic Shakespeare experience, but it was a really funny performance.” He grinned. “During an intermission, there was this group of teens who asked me if I was related to Kurt Cobain.”

“What did you tell them?” Fishlegs asked.

“I wanted to spin some story, but then someone,” he threw a pointed glance at Heather, “butted in and had lots of fun talking about how I just needed a haircut.”

“You’re welcome,” Heather said in a sugar-sweet voice, prompting a discussion over Cam’s hair that Hiccup didn’t bother listening to. He was too pre-occupied with trying to find a nice way to draft a text message in his head. What was he supposed to say to her? Did she even want him to text her? Maybe she’d given him a fake number so he’d leave her alone. Despite the warm weather, he suddenly felt cold.

“Earth to Hiccup, you’re doing it again.” Apparently, Hiccup’s crisis over texting a girl was more interesting than Cam’s Kurt Cobain hair. Such a pity.

Once again, the attention of the whole group was on him, and he knew that especially Heather wouldn’t give up until he told her what his problem was. He shoved his phone back in his pocket where it would hopefully stop haunting him, at least for the moment, and rolled his eyes. “Like I said, she’s a friend and we’re not dating.”

“Yet,” Cam commented but Hiccup pointedly ignored him.

“Then why are you so nervous about texting her?” Fishlegs asked.

Hiccup scratched his neck. “It’s complicated.”

“Why?”

One look at his friends and their attentive expressions and he realized he wasn’t going to get out of this so easily. He fiddled with the paper napkin under the sundae cup, ripping off a piece and rolling it to a ball between two fingers. “Because,” he mumbled, so quiet the others had to lean in to understand him, “she’s in a relationship and we have something like history, mostly on my part.”

“Oh,” said Cam.

“History?” it came from Fishlegs.

“What kind of relationship?” asked Heather, her eyes narrowed, the answer already in the back of her mind, poking at the surface behind a suspicious expression.

Hiccup sighed. The only person who hadn’t been there when the whole Astrid fiasco had started was Cam, and he didn’t feel like explaining the entire thing to him. So he just threw Fishlegs and Heather a meaningful look and clarified, “I mean that she’s married.”

“Oh,” said Cam again, none the wiser.

“Oh,” said Fishlegs, knowingly, and with a pitying frown.

Heather rolled her eyes. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Still?!”

About nine months ago, Heather had called him one night, and the next morning they’d gone out for breakfast and talked for hours. About them, their relationship, the past, the future. He had told her the whole Astrid story and she had listened. She had apologized for being so harsh to him, but she’d been hurting, and Hiccup knew that. She also told him about her recent breakup and it had felt like something heavy had been lifted off his chest when they’d talked it out and realized that after all this time, they were still friends. It was that day that Hiccup noticed the guy shyly looking at her from a few desks over every once in a while, his long blonde hair falling into his face.

“Yes, still, unfortunately. I can’t exactly turn that off, you know.”

“Stop sassing me, Hiccup, and tell us what happened.”

“Less than you think,” he said and recounted his two encounters with her over the past two days.

“Just that we’re clear,” Fishlegs started when he was done, “we are talking about Astrid Hofferson, right?”

“Yes,” Hiccup and Heather confirmed in unison.

“Who?” asked Cam.

“The reason Hiccup and I broke up.”

“Hey!” Hiccup exclaimed. “You know that’s not all true.”

“Weeeeell…” it came from Fishlegs in a high-pitched voice, prompting Hiccup to roll his eyes.

“She wasn’t the whole reason, just the catalyst.” He nodded in Heather’s direction. “And you know that.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever, it’s in the past,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Fact is, you can’t keep waiting for a girl who’s as unavailable to you as her. She’s married, Hiccup. She made her choice. Move on.”

“But what if she likes him too?” Fishlegs threw in.

“Then she’s still married. And it wouldn’t be Hiccup’s problem, it would be hers.”

“It would still concern him,” Cam countered. “And isn’t it his problem already?”

“Well, yes,” Heather said, “but it wouldn’t be his choice to make, is what I mean.”

Hiccup wiped a hand over his face. “Then what do I do?”

Heather shrugged. “Easy. If you still feel like you need to, you text her a universal ‘hey, how are you’ and then you move on with someone else. My brother’s been seeing this guy for fun recently, no strings attached, and it helped him move on from his previous relationship. Maybe that’s something you could try, just hook up for sex, without any hopes or expectations going in, and maybe you’ll find someone you really like.”

“You brother is gay?” Fishlegs asked, slight surprise coating his voice. “I didn’t know that.”

“Took him a while to figure it out, but yeah, very gay.”

“Honestly,” Hiccup murmured, “that doesn’t surprise me in the least.”

“Right?” Heather chuckled. “So, what do you think? Have meaningless sex and find some love?”

Hiccup’s smile disappeared. “I tried to date other people, Heather. It never worked out. I just can’t forget her.”

“That’s why I said go in without expectations, because you’ll immediately start comparing the poor girl to someone you can never have.”

“First of all, how is me going in without trying to fall in love with someone going to help me forget Astrid? Second, I’m not the guy for casual hookups. I want something real, and no matter on how many dates I go, no matter how much effort I put into moving on, I can’t find that with anyone else because all I can think of is her.”

Especially now, with the invisible weight of her phone number in his pocket. He flopped back into his chair, suddenly exhausted. He’d lain awake for hours last night, contemplating whether it was actually a good idea or not to text her, the tips of his fingers tingling from simply reading her name in his contacts and the simple ‘hi’ she’d texted him to give him her number. Which she’d done on purpose, which in return had to mean something, didn’t it? And she had basically asked him to be her friend…

Cam let out a low whistle. “Sounds like you have it bad, man.”

“I collectively only spent about six hours with her, and I fell in love with her.”

Heather huffed. “Oh, please. In love? What’s her favorite color?”

“Blue,” he answered quick like a shot. “But she also likes soft gold tones.”

“Did she tell you that or are you just guessing?”

Suddenly taken aback, Hiccup racked his brain for the memory and came up short. “I don’t…” He couldn’t remember her ever sharing this particular piece of information with him, and yet he was so sure that he knew. How?

“Look, there’s no logical explanation for why I feel this way. But it… It’s like…” Gesticulating, he searched for the right words. “It’s like I’m the land of the dinosaurs and she’s the meteor that crashed and changed everything. Like I’m a ghost town and she’s the magic that strikes like lightning and creates new life.”

Cam was picturing his words, Fishlegs nodded the way he did when reading and trying to understand poetry, and Heather just raised an eyebrow at the analogies.

“And now… Now I have the chance to truly get to know her, even if all I can ever get from her is friendship.”

Heather considered this for a moment. “You’re really serious about this, aren’t you.” He nodded with a grave smile. “But you don’t even know her.”

“Maybe if he gets to know her,” Fishlegs pondered, “he’ll realize that she’s not that great.”

“Maybe,” Heather mused. “And then you’ll get over your infatuation.”

“You’re always so supportive.”

“Hey, I’m just looking out my friend because I don’t like to see him hurting.”

“The same goes for me,” Fishlegs added. “If you think it will make you happier to text her than to cut her from your life completely, I think you should just do it.”

Cam fished his phone out of his jacket, pulled up a video and wordlessly held it in Hiccup’s direction. “JUST DO IT!” Shia LaBeouf screamed at him. Heather pinched the bridge of her nose in fond exasperation.

Fishlegs gave him two encouraging thumbs up. “Just text her hi.”

Hiccup looked between his three friends, ignoring Shia who was still screaming at him, and willed the ball of nerves in his stomach to go away. It was just a text, a simple electronic message that he probably attributed more meaning to than it actually held. He could still back out. Could resolve to hearing about Astrid and her life from Heather who’d know from Dagur who’d know from Eret…

But the prospect of a life completely devoid of her felt worse to him than just being her friend with the additional pain of never being able to be with her the way he wanted to, although that would go with the first option as well. So maybe getting to know her was the only way to go from here, since being without her hadn’t been of any help so far. And maybe, even though he doubted it with all he had, he would get over her as soon as he knew her better.

He took out his phone and weighed it in his hand for a minute, like weighing out his options, until Heather snatched it from him. “I still don’t like the thought of you getting hurt through this more than the other way, but…” She held the device directly in front of his face. “Just goddamn text her so you can get to know her and stop putting her on a pedestal.”

Taking a deep breath, he unlocked his phone, pulled up his chats, selected hers, and before he could overthink it, he typed in a simple ‘hello’ and a smiley face and hit send. Only a few seconds passed until he started wondering if perhaps he should have send more, like an explanation why he waited a day to text her, or his name because she’d already deleted his number, and that reminded him that this might not even be her real number and he was already spiraling.

“Did you do it?” He glanced up at Fishlegs who was once more trying to get a peek of his phone screen. Hiccup decidedly turned it off and shoved it back into his pocket.

“Yes.” He pointed at the warm ice cream soup before him. “And now I need another one of these.”

It was late when he turned his phone back on, the nerves in his stomach tangled like his father’s knitting yarn after his cat had declared it its mortal enemy that had to be defeated in a life or death encounter.

The breath in his lungs turned to stone when his notifications appeared. A couple new mails, ads from applications he never deleted, and a handful of new texts he skimmed with lightning speed. Group chats, colleagues, Snotlout, Cam with a Nirvana gif and the same old Shia video, and– the frown on his face turned into a wide smile. One new text from Astrid.