#I remember when I have Orville and one day he was a little guy eating treats from my hand and the next day he was out for my blood

[superfluffychickens]

Your Local Teenage Goth Menace™️

[eltystuffs]

🌼My friend, you have met a terrible, terrible demise🌼

I went urban exploring for the first time with my bestie and brought Mr. Hippo with me to brighten the atmosphere! The floors were creaky, the air was filled with dust, and it was the perfect place for our favorite Mediocre Melody! This guy will be going to @crayfurbs as part of an art trade ❤ It was so fun making Mr. Hippo come to life as a Furby fr

My allergy symptoms will never recover from this I think I have mold spores and dust particles in my brain

If you need Mr. Hippo brainrot, read more

"My friend, you have met a terrible, terrible demise. But, uh, you know, I-I don’t feel too bad about it. After all, if- if it weren’t from me, it would have just been from someone else, ya know? I guess what I’m trying to say is life, life goes on. W- well, from- for everyone else, life goes on. Not- not for you, you’re, you're dead. But that’s neither here nor there. It reminds me of one summer day in the park, I was having just a delightful picnic with my good friend Orville. And I said to him, I said, “Orville, I-I have a story,” And he said to me, “What’s the significance of the story?” I said to him “Orville, not every story has to have significance, ya know? Sometimes uhh, you know, sometimes a story is just a story. You try to read into every little thing and find meaning in everything anyone says, you’ll just drive yourself crazy. Had a friend do it once - wasn’t pretty - we talked about it for years. And-and not only that, but, you’ll likely end up believin' something you shouldn’t believe or thinkin' something you shouldn’t think o-o-or assumin' something you shouldn’t assume, ya know? "Sometimes," I said, "a-a-a story is- is just a story, so just be quiet for one second of your life and eat your sandwich, okay?" Of course, it was only then I realized I made sandwiches and, poor Orville was having such difficulty eating it! Elephants have those clumsy hands, ya know? A-Actually, I-I suppose that’s the problem; they don’t have hands at all, do they? They've, they’re all feet! A-an I-I couldn’t imagine someone asking me to eat a sandwich with my feet. Now, if I recall correctly there was a bakery nearby. I- I said to him “Orville, l-let me go get you some rye bread.” Now, I-I’m unsure if elephants enjoy rye bread, but I assure you that Orville does. Now this was on a Tuesday which was good because rye bread was always fresh on Tuesday. They made sourdough on Monday and threw it out Wednesday. O-or rather they sold it at a discount for people wantin' to feed the ducks and then, probably at the end of the day finally they threw it all out, I-I don't recall. I do remember a man who would being his son to the bakery every Wednesday, and-and go feed the ducks. He would buy all of the sourdough bread. Of course, you know, you’re not supposed to feed the ducks sourdough bread at all. It swells up in their stomach and then they all die. At, ah, at least, at least that’s what I’ve heard. Ya know, I never saw any ducks die myself, but I did notice a substantial decrease in duck population over the course of a few years. I just never thought to stop the man and tell him he was killing the ducks by feeding them sourdough bread! And if you want my opinion on the matter, heh, and I told Orville this as well: if you wanna feed ducks or birds or any kind for that matter, especially buy seed. I mean, when you think about it, breads of any sort don’t occur in nature. They don’t grow on trees or spring up from the bushes! I don’t think birds know what to do with bread. What was I saying? Oh, oh yes yes. So I bought Orville some rye bread. What a fine day it was."

[xenderboyy]

*Toby Headcanons*

Personally for YEARSS now I’ve just had the hc that Toby was 5 '6 or 5' 7 because he's a short king and I think its funny so obvi it’s canon in my AU. I think he is actually canonly that height at 19 but i forget XD

Toby is 19 in this AU at the start and 25 by where the story line is atm. Ik shocking he's old af lmfao. Tho in my UA he only gets as tall as 5’7 ½.

Appearance-wise he looks fairly like canon, with curly hair and well a more normal skin colour lmfao(Not grey as originally described). He wears his usual hoodie and whatever pants he finds half the time the other half it's a navy zip-up, white t-shirt, and a Mack Orville Black/Stone Trucker - American Needle.

Toby has manic episodes and depressive episodes and deals with psychosis, this lead to him being diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder (schizophrenia and bipolar) while also being diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. Though due to his paranoia symptoms, he refused treatment until later years in his life when he was under Slenderman control.

Toby remembers very little from his life before becoming a proxy though he does remember the fire as well as having a mother and sister though he doesn’t remember what they look like. When he tries to remember he becomes distressed and irritable.

Most of the time Toby is a sarcastic laid back guy with a sense of humour, though when manic he is irritable and hyper and when depressive he is quiet and avoids others.

He often tends to avoid being the one to kill if he's in a group, being fast and having a good upper arm he is usually the one to disable the victim's ability to get away and lets Masky finish them off or whoever he's with.

Though when alone He tries to get the job done as quickly as possible. Toby doesn’t feel bad but he doesn’t like doing it yk.

Toby likes to play video games but out of everything he plays COD the most. (call of duty)

He often is outside just walking around and in my AU he wasn’t caught since his house burnt down and they thought he did too so he goes out wearing a mask when he’s bored.

Because of the crash, Toby doesn’t like car drives, meaning he walks everywhere most of the time. The odd time though he will if he’s on his meds.

Toby can go days without sleeping and eating unintentionally because of his disorders so he is often complaining about being starving or exhausted.

Toby is friendly with most of the pastas though doesn’t really trust anyone but EJ, Clockwork, Maksy, Brian, and Jane. later he starts to warm up to BEN and Nina as well.

Like most the pastas, Toby has a phone he’s supposed to use for only communication, Though like most the others his age, he doesn’t. He often will go on pintrest and download memes just to send them to Masky just to annoy him. BEN and Toby will often send each other shit though and take the piss. (messing around for the non brits)

Thats all i can think of for now, any questions will be answered eventually. I might do either Jack or Masky next,

[jaceyneedsabetterusername]

Do You Trust Me?

Pairing: Arvin Russel x Reader

Summary: When Lenora finds out she’s pregnant and another girl turns up pregnant and murdered, Arvin and Y/N take matters into their own hands. 

Warnings: Violence, Murder, Sexual Assualt, Teen Pregnancy, Cursing, Mentions of Rape, Bullying, Dark Religious Themes, Talk of Abortion  DO NOT READ IF THESE BOTHER YOU (Very similar things to the movie)

Word Count: 7000

A/N: So Lenora doesn’t die in this but that part is instead replaced by the Reaster girl being found dead (I named her Jeanette... I didn’t remember if they gave her a first name)

A/N 2: I know I’m writing characters that exist already but like I feel like I’m going to Hell for writing this. Any other Christians feel that way about liking the movie?

___________________________________

Secrets were hard to keep in such a small town as Coal Creek. Everyone knew everyone and if one person saw something, the whole town knew about it by next morning. That’s why Lenora had kept her secrets with Reverend Teagarden from all except you. Other than Arvin, you were her only friend in the world. It felt nice to have another girl to talk to because as much as she loved her brother, it was nothing like having a sister. Though you weren’t related, just friends from school, it was the closest thing she had. 

The two of you had bonded over the harassment from boys at school. Unlike Lenora, you had no problem dishing back threats and abuse. You were more like Arvin in that sense, not always terrified that the Lord was going to smite you for defending yourself. You and Arvin were close too because of it. 

The day you two met, he’d gone to pick Lenora up from school one day to find the two of you cornered out back by Dinwoodie and his boys. They called Lenora ugly, as per their daily routine, and said they wouldn’t fuck her with a bag on a her head. Tommy Matheson had a paper bag held over her face, holding her down while she squirmed. 

“There ain’t nothing alive that would willingly let you touch them, Dinwoodie!” You spat while Orville Buckman held you back, his arms wrapped around your body, keeping your arms . pinned to your side, “You’re a vile thing. Hell, I’m sure a dead pig wouldn’t let you fuck it.” 

Dinwoodie spun around and blew a hard smack across your face, “Lenora here ain’t much different than that. But you on the other hand, I’d take you whether you wanted it or not. I like a girl with a dirty mouth. And lucky you, I won’t make you wear the bag.” 

He fisted your hair and pulled your face close to him, trying to force a kiss from you but spat in his face, a massive drip of saliva landing in his eyes and smaller particles spewed across his lips. “You nasty bi-” Gene Dinwoodie reared back, ready to hit you again when suddenly Arvin came out of nowhere, sending a solid blow straight into Gene’s face, sending him flying to the ground with a crack. 

Orville let you go to go after Arvin and Tommy did the same to Lenora. You ran over to her and pulled the bag from her head, seeing evidence of her silent tears all over her face. Once you saw she was okay though, you ran over to help Arvin, who had found himself dragged to the ground by the three boys. Lenora got up too, screaming for them to stop. 

“Stop!” You yelled, pulling at Gene’s arms to try and get him to stop kicking Arvin. He shoved you back harshly by the chest but you caught yourself, returning with a sharp blow to his face with your locked fist. 

The enraged boy smacked you even harder than before, sending your ass to the ground with thud that you knew would leave a bruise. Your hands and knees got skinned up as you skid slightly on the pavement. Lenora kept pulling on the boys too, begging them to stop but to no avail. 

“Ha, sister fucker!” The three of them called out to Arvin before leaving the three of you alone. 

“Are you okay?” You asked the boy that you hadn’t met before, who was curled up in a ball on the ground and holding his stomach. He groaned in response, trying to push himself up but requiring your assistance. “Thank you for what you did back there. I’m sorry this happened.” 

He stretched, flinching at the slight movement. He sent a small nod towards you but then turned towards Lenora, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner, Lenora.” Words couldn’t describe the guilt he felt for allowing this to happen. 

“It-it’s okay, Arvin. It wasn’t that bad this time. Y/N here took the brunt of it, unfortunately.” Lenora turned to you, “‘M sorry about that, by the way. You didn’t need to step in for me.” 

You had stood up about the same time Arvin did, brushing as much of the dirt off your bleeding and scraped up knees as you could without flinching, “Those guys are ass holes, Lenora. I did need to.” 

Lenora piped up, “Oh, um, Y/N, this is my brother Arvin. Arvin, this is Y/N. She just moved here.” 

“It’s nice to meet ya.” You greeted the boy with a pained smile, your face hurting from the blows you’d just taken. 

Arvin nodded, “You too.” He paused for a moment, “Can I give you a ride home? I don’t need them boys catching up with you again on the ride home. Besides, your face is getting mighty red. I might have something back at my house to keep it from bruising up too bad.” 

You looked over at Lenora, sending her a questioning look, like asking if you could trust this boy who had just come to your rescue, which may have seemed like an odd inquiry to have since he just tried to take on the guys harassing you, but your encounters with boys in this town hadn’t gone all too well thus far. The girl looked unfazed though with almost a hint of excitement that you could possibly be going to her home. 

“Um, yeah, I’d like that. Thank you.” You tucked a messy strand of hair behind your ear before looking back up at Arvin to see that he was already staring at you. 

That was months ago. You’d gotten settled into Coal Creek by now and the abuse from Dinwoodie had stopped entirely after Arvin had gone full vigilante to beat the shit out of them all. Speaking of Arvin, the day he saved you and Lenora, he asked you on a date and the pair of you had been going steady ever since. If there was ever a couple to not be fucked with, the town had learned it was you two. 

This weekend, you’d gone over to the Russel’s home for supper at their Grandma’s invitation. It was delicious, as usual, as that woman had the God-given ability to produce miracles in that kitchen. As you all finished up, Uncle Earskell asked Arvin to help with something upstairs so he left without a second thought to help his kin. 

Lenora had been looking at you funny all night, as if trying to catch your eye. After helping Grandma (which she insisted you call her as well) clean up supper, Lenora pulled you off to the side, “Y/N, let’s go on a walk. I need to tell you something.” 

The weight in her eyes told you how serious this was so you just nodded, “Yeah, yeah, of course. Let’s go.” 

She grabbed a lantern on her way out the door and towards the barn. It was already dark, despite only being seven in the evening. Lenora led you out there and then closed the door before sitting on the hay. “So what is it?” You asked nervously. Normally, you would have made a joke but something told you that this wasn’t a joking matter. Anxiety buzzed all around her. 

“Y’know the new pastor? Preston Teagarden?” Lenora began, wringing her hands together and beginning to hide under her long red hair. 

You nodded, the question having an obvious answer as everyone, including your God fearing Mama and Aunt, went to church every Sunday. “What about ‘im?” 

“Well… um… y’see. We… we had sex.” She whispered the last word like it was the dirtiest thing she could fathom saying. 

Your eyes blew wide and your mouth dropped open, “You what?” You whispered back in shock. 

“Shh!” She held her finger up to her lips, “He said that to bear yourself as God made his first children was to truly turn yourself to Him.” 

You were having a difficult time processing this new information. Arvin and you had both agreed that there was something off about that new preacher since the first day you met him but you wouldn’t have guessed it was anything like this. “Lenora, that makes no sense. God sees everything. He’s already seen you in your birthday suit. He doesn’t need the preacher to see it too.” 

Part of you felt bad for the way you were reacting, especially when you saw the way your best friend shrunk back a little in embarrassment. Clearly, he’d manipulated her into getting what he wanted, using her faith as a weapon for her sexual exploitation, but of course she didn’t see it like that because his words were specifically tailored to get her to believe him. Now as you said these things, though, it was becoming clearer to Lenora that she had been manipulated. 

“That’s not all…” She continued. 

You held her arm gently, “What is it?” 

Her eyes got wide with fear, “You can’t tell anyone okay? You gotta promise.” Her hand covered yours, gripping tightly to ensure that you grasped the severity of the situation. 

You swallowed hard, honestly scared by her reactions to whatever was happening. This wasn’t like sweet, simple, calm Lenora. Nonetheless, you nodded, “I promise.” 

“I think I’m pregnant.” 

You actually choked, “What? Are you sure?” This was bad. This was so bad. 

Her eyes began to well up with guilty tears, “Yeah, I am. I was pretty sick a few weeks back. Couldn’t eat nothin’ cause I kept throwin’ up. And I haven’t had that time of the month in  two months.” 

“Two months, Lenora? Shit…” You whispered, leaning back against the hay. Even before moving to Coal Creek, you came from a small town in Pennsylvania where this had happened to a few girls. In fact, it wasn’t uncommon in that particular town. Your daddy had been a doctor before he died so you’d seen more than a few cases of teenage pregnancy. For Lenora, though, this was practically unheard of. Good Christian girls don’t have babies before marriage. “Did you tell ‘im?” 

Lenora’s breath shook, “Yeah ‘nd he said I was crazy and delusional. Just imaginin’ things. Said we never did nothin’ in the car. Then he said that I had to get rid of the baby or I’d be branded as the town whore with a bastard son. Even said it’d kill Grandma from the shame of it all if anyone found out.” 

“That is not true, Lenora. None of it. You’re not a whore and it would be best for everyone if that baby inside you was a bastard. That disgusting man isn’t fit to walk the Earth we live on, let alone be a father.” It felt like the blood was rushing through your veins with full force, internally panicking about the situation. This was a big deal and, unfortunately, you weren’t sure if Lenora was emotionally capable enough to handle it alone. She’d always been quiet and lonely and an easy target for cruel people. “Are you keepin’ it?” 

Her breathing shuddered as if she’d started crying, “I can’t kill the baby inside me and go on livin’ with that. But I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared,Y/N.” Lenora threw her arms around you and you held her as her body rattled against yours. 

“Shh, you got me, alright? Me and Arvin. And I’m sure Grandma wouldn’t be ashamed if she knew what Teagarden did to you.” You insisted but she shook her head. 

“You must think I’m stupid for believin’ that man.” She sat up wiping her eyes with her sleeve. 

“No! I do not think you’re stupid at all. That monster took advantage of you, told you things to make you believe that his dirty, lustful thoughts were vindicated by the Lord. And he’s going to fucking pay.” You were furious now as you began to stand up, unsure of exactly what you’d do but you knew you were gonna do it. 

Lenora grabbed your arm and pulled you back down, “No! Wait! Please-” 

“What’s going on here?” Arvin opened the door with a concerned face. 

Both you and Lenora jumped at his sudden intrusion but were even more nervous about what he’d heard. 

“How much did you hear?” Lenora asked her brother, rubbing her hands on her thighs. 

He walked in and slammed the door shut behind him, kneeling down in front of you and his sister, “That someone took advantage of you and Y/N was gonna make ‘im pay. Now what happened? What’s going on?” 

This was one of the things that you’d always loved about Arvin. He had this protective nature over what he loved, ready to do anything to keep his loved ones safe, whether that was his sister, his girlfriend, or his grandmother. His brown eyes held so much sincerity and understanding for his younger sister but also fear for what had been done to her. 

When she didn’t respond right away, Arvin looked over to you with questioning desperate eyes but you chewed your lip, knowing that it wasn’t your secret to tell. Instead, you looked back over to Lenora sadly and nudged her slightly. 

“C-can you say? Please? I don’t wanna say it again.” Lenora begged you quietly, avoiding eye contact with Arvin. Though you could never truly know she felt, you tried to understand all the emotions that must have been running through her. 

Arvin met your eyes, begging you to tell him what had happened. “She’s pregnant. It’s that Reverend Teagarden’s baby. Said that he told her that the only way to get close to God was to show him her in the form of Adam and Eve. But now he’s saying that she’s delusional and that it’s not his.” 

Arvin’s temper flamed inside his chest. That explained the Reverend’s intense sermon about delusion this last Sunday. Nobody did this to his sister and got away with it. “I’ll kill him. I’ll fucking ki-” 

“Arvin please-” Lenora tried to calm him but it was a weak attempt, still trying to stay quiet so Grandma wouldn’t notice.

“No, I’ll end his life for what he did to you.” 

You watched your boyfriend reel around, hands holding onto his hat. He was livid, understandably so. 

Lenora wasn’t quite sure why she wanted to protect Preston Teagarden after what he’d done to her but she thinks it’s that she was more concerned for her brother. Besides, no matter what Teagarden had done, did he really deserve to die for it? 

“We don’t have to hurt him,” You spoke to your boyfriend, “If she wants, she can just have the baby and we’ll help raise it.” 

“But he said it’s not his and that I’ll just be considered some no-good whore. He said it’ll kill Grandma. I don’t want to kill Grandma.” She was almost crying again at the thought of their grandmother ending up six feet under because of the shame of having her as a granddaughter. 

“He said that?!” Arvin nearly yelled. 

“But what if he’s right?” Lenora thought out loud, “I couldn’t live with myself if I got rid of the baby but I can’t risk killing Grandma. Maybe it would be better if I were dead-” 

“No!” You and Arvin both said firmly in unison. You held her hand tight and Arvin knelt down again. 

He swiped his thumb comfortingly across the back of her hands, “Don’t you ever say that. We have both already lost too damn much to lose each other too, ya hear me?” 

Lenora nodded, tears falling down her cheeks when she closed her eyes. 

“Why can’t we just ruin him? You can have the baby and let everyone know what he did. Everyone will know that he’s the father and it’ll destroy his life.” Arvin suggested, all of the miserable ways this could end for the man twisting his heart in sadistic pleasure. 

You shook your head though, “No, they won’t. It’s different for girls in small towns like this. Doesn’t matter what happened, you’re still the dirty no good whore, even if you were raped. The man is treated like a victim for even having the inkling of an accusation brought up.” After a few minutes, you suggested, “Why don’t we run off. We’ll all go to a new town, somewhere where nobody knows none of us. We’ll tell ‘em that your husband died in the war, leaving you with the baby. I’ll go with. I’ll help you raise it.” 

She shook her head, “But what about Grandma and Uncle Earskell?” She did have a point. They were both getting on in age and would need more help than they already did. 

You all sat in silence for a few moments, brainstorming ideas of what to do. Eventually, Arvin looked at his sister, “Don’t worry. We’ll figure something out.”

The three of you went back to the house for the rest of the night, knowing that everyone would be getting suspicious if you were out any longer. 

The three of you kept the secret quiet, barely even speaking about it to each other. You’d been doing as much research on babies in the libraries at school, which earned you quite a few disapproving looks from people who assumed that you and Arvin were expecting. You were serious when you said that you had every intention of helping Lenora and so was Arvin. 

Weeks had gone by with relatively no news. Well, that’s what the town thought at least. After finding out about what the Reverend had done to Lenora, Arvin had told you about his plan to watch him. 

The pair of you had spent several afternoons staked out near the church, watching as he went to the place of worship and then left at night. But then you started noticing a frequent visitor. Jeanette Reaster. The pair would drive off to a little secluded field and, sure enough, Teagarden would have his way with her. Though you couldn’t hear what was said, it was clear that they’d been praying beforehand before she submitted to him fully. Now, you knew Jeanette Reaster and, much like Lenora, she was the last person you’d imagine having premarital sex for the fear of being struck down by God. Whatever this man had said to them must have been real convincing. 

“Piece of shit…” Arvin leaned forward against the steering wheel of his car while you sat beside him. You both watched on as the Reverend laid the girl down and began his assault of falsely “holy” acts. 

For respect of Jeanette, you both looked away during the actual act but when you saw her ride off, Teagarden got out of his car, a bunch of fabric in his hands and sniffed them as he watched her. “That fucking perv. How does nobody know about this?” You asked, disgusted. Reaster was a good girl. She didn’t deserve this abuse. 

“We know about it.” Arvin said, putting the car in reverse, “And that’s enough.” Less than a week later, word got out that Jeanette Reaster had run off. Grandma had told Arvin and Lenora that her mother had said to her privately that Jeanette left a note saying that she was pregnant but the father refused to believe that he was the father. To spare her family the shame, she ran away and begged them to just say that they had no idea what had happened to her. That’s what her parents intended to do for their daughter’s sake but had entrusted Grandma with the secret just so they had somebody to talk to about it.

The day after she disappeared, they found her body on the side of the road just a few towns over. Nobody had any idea of what had happened except for you and Arvin. Both of you were convinced that Teagarden had murdered her to keep his secret from getting out. 

The anger that was held between you and Arvin both was unparalleled. In part, you both felt partially responsible for her death. If only you’d said something, maybe you could have saved her. But neither of you even knew she was pregnant. That monster did to her exactly what he had probably planned to do to Lenora. 

“We have to set things right.” Arvin said, sitting in his car one night with you in the woods, “That girl is dead and I can’t help but feel like it’s on me.” His head hung sadly, the weight of another death weighing on his heart. 

You shifted sideways in the seat, your jeans rubbing against the vinyl car seats. You placed a hand gingerly on his cheek, “This is not your fault. This is the evil of a wicked man.” 

“A girl is dead, Y/N. He got her pregnant and murdered her. He got Lenora pregnant and tried to convince her she was crazy. He’s taking advantage of innocent girls out here and then tying up the loose ends.” Arvin sat there, so much hurt behind his brown eyes. Then an idea dawned on him, “Do you trust me?” 

The question took you off guard and it showed but you answered honestly, “Yes.” 

** 

Perhaps being quieter in church was for the best for this particular scenario. You’d never been as religious as the rest of your family or the rest of the town, for that matter. But this morning, you found yourself on your knees by your bedside. “Lord, please forgive the things that I am about to do. Please understand that I do this with the best intentions of protecting every other girl to cross paths with Preston Teagarden and to avenge the death of Jeanette Reaster. I pray that you please forgive Arvin as well as I know he is a man with nothing but good and love in his heart. In Jesus’ holy name, amen.” 

Almost on cue, your mom knocked on the door to see you on your knees, “Arvin is out front waiting for you.” She announced with a warm smile, noticing your outfit, “You look nice, sweetie! Since when do you clean up all cute for that boy?” She teased, a loving smile on her face as you smoothed out your yellow dress that hung just below your knees. The sleeves were tight and went about halfway down your biceps. It was far from revealing with a neckline that stopped just below your collarbones but it still was tight enough to accentuate the shape of your concealed breasts. A brown belt was tied around your waist, showing off your figure. 

“Yeah, well I figured that for once I might as well dress up and do something nice.” The lie slipped out smoothly despite the racing of your heart in your chest. 

She pulled you in for a hug, “Well you tell Arvin that I want you back by nine tonight! I’ll be going over to Mrs. Hadderson’s for quilting today, just so you know, in case I’m not home when you get back.” 

You picked up your bag and pulled her into a side hug, “Alright, Mama. Love you!” You hollered, running out the door. Arvin was dressed normally, just his blue jeans and t-shirt, but he still looked great as always. 

When you slid into the passenger seat of his car, he perked up and looked over at you, “Not used to seeing you like this on any day but Sunday.” He attempted to joke but found it difficult considering what the two of you were planning on doing. 

After driving a ways down the road, he asked, “Are you sure you want to be a part of this? Because I can drop you off with Lenora and I’ll take care of this myself.” 

Looking over at him to see his eyes scanning your face for signs of hesitation, you placed your hand on his leg, “I’m not letting you do this alone.” 

Not too deep down, Arvin felt terrible for allowing you to partake in this. Death had always seemed to follow him wherever he went; he didn’t want you to be stuck with the same curse. The two of you developed a plan but Arvin had created a backup just in case you decided you didn’t want to partake, not that he would blame you. He was terrified beyond belief himself but he’d decided that for the sake of every other girl in this town and any other one’s Teagarden had harmed in the past, he had to do this. 

The only thing making him feel remotely at peace with your involvement was the fact that you weren’t actually doing the killing. You were the diversion, he was the trigger man. Arvin sighed, relenting to the fact that you were in on this, “Did you bring the rope?” He asked, eyes flicking over to you and your bag between glances at the road that moved beneath the wheels of his car. 

You dug around in your little bag and pulled out a small length of rope, a weapon chosen for the lack of clean up. “Got it. You got the gun?” 

Arvin pulled his denim jacket back just enough to show the handle of the Luger that once belonged to his father. This weapon was chosen for its reliability. Once you guys started, you had to finish otherwise he’d tell everyone. 

Before you knew it, the tires were coming to a crunching halt on the rocky sideturn just around the corner from the church. A sudden wave of nausea came over you and you had to breathe deeply to settle it down. “You okay?” Arvin asked, reaching out for you. 

You swallowed hard, “Yeah.” Sweat began to bead up on your brow as a million different images of what could happen in the next few minutes ran through your head. 

Arvin watched as you zoned out on the dashboard and he knew exactly what was going on in your mind. It was the same inner conflict he’d had this morning before picking you up, when he first pocketed the gun.  “Whatever happens today, I need you to know that I love you Y/N.” 

You sucked a quick breath in. Neither of you had ever used the L-word before. Arvin was scared to because he’d lost so many people and the fewer people he loved, that fewer people he could lose. You had just never loved anyone romantically before and were too terrified that maybe you’d say it too early or think you felt it when you really didn’t. With Arvin, though, you knew it. “I love you too, Arvin.” You leaned forward and kissed him on the lips deeply, wanting nothing more than to stay against his skin for the rest of your lives. But, unfortunately, there was something you had to do first. 

“Remember, just get him to bring you to the field. I will be there waiting. I won’t let anything happen to you, you hear?” Your faces were close together, so close your foreheads almost touched, as he went over the plan one last time, trying to make sure that you knew that you were safe as long as he was around. 

“I know.” You gave him a small, reassuring smile, though it was far from a grin of actual happiness.

Arvin watched as you got out of the car, leaving the small bundle of rope behind, and walked down the dirt driveway to the church. You looked just like someone that pervert would fall head over heels for. There was an innocent sway to your hips and the way you held your bag close to your body screamed insecurity, but the kind of a young girl who doesn’t know how beautiful she is. The funny thing was that this wasn’t something totally out of character for you. Sure, you had a mouth and fist that could dish as much as it could take, and yeah, you and Arvin had been together for almost half a year, but there was still a youthful innocence to you. There was still a brightness in your eyes and a pep in your step, one that hadn’t been beat down by the tragedies of life yet. It was one of the things that Arvin found most attractive about you but it was also one of the things that Preston Teagard would as well. 

The doors of the church were cracked open just slightly when you approached and you could see the Reverend sitting in the pews, reading his Bible, through the gap. Taking one less final deep breath, you pressed the door open and stepped in, the heels of your little white chucks padding against the hardwood. Teagard turned around at the sound, “Why, hello, there.” He greeted warmly. It disgusted you how this man could act no different after knowing what he’d just done but the worst monsters were human. 

“Uh, hi there, Reverend. I’m sorry to bother but I just needed to talk to you about something.” You began, accentuated your Appalachian drawl while trying to make your voice sound as young and innocent as you could. 

He patted the pew beside him, “Well, my child, you’ve come to the right place. That’s what I’m here for. Now, why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind?” 

Skin crawling as you walked, you forced your feet to move towards the man and sit beside him. Right away, his arm stretched behind your shoulders as he sat uncomfortably close. At first, you avoided eye contact, “Well, um, you see, I’ve been… straying from the light and I really want to get right with God.” 

This had to be the first truth you’d told anyone other than Arvin today. You felt too terrible lying in the presence of God so you’d found a way to genuinely get your feelings off your chest while still luring Teagarden into your trap. 

He rubbed his chin and hummed, “The fact that you acknowledge this means you haven’t strayed too far. God always comes back to his flock, even to those little sheepies who’ve gone astray. Why don’t you tell me more.” He urged. 

Your hands squeezed the strap of your bag tightly, “I… I have lustful thoughts sometimes.” 

Preston was lucky he’d had a lot of practice concealing his emotions because he’d be lying if he said that those words didn’t stir something in him, “Now are these just thoughts or have you acted on them?” 

“Oh, just thoughts, Reverend. I’ve never acted on any of them.” You reassured, finally meeting his eyes. They seemed to look at you with such understanding that you could see why Lenora and Jeanette had fallen for him. 

He nodded in approval, “And who are these thoughts about?” 

This was where you’d have to do a bit more lying, “I don’t really want to say.” You blushed bright red. You knew that Preston must have taken this as a sign that it was about him but it wasn’t. Your dirty thoughts never strayed from Arvin. 

Preston looked away and then back down at you, “You’re going with that Russel boy, right?” 

Silently, you nodded, not wanting to incriminate your boyfriend too much in this process of confession. 

“Has he ever touched you?” Preston pressed, his body getting closer to yours inch by inch until your legs were nearly touching. 

The red in your cheeks wasn’t part of the act anymore but genuine. You shook your head, “No, never.” You felt almost panicked at the question. 

“Have you ever touched yourself to these thoughts?” His voice became slower, more cautious as his inquiries got riskier and riskier. 

You found yourself unable to maintain eye contact with him anymore and looked back down at your shoes instead, just shaking your head, “No, I feel too weird. Like it’s a violation or somethin’.” 

Preston looked away, as if considering something, before turning back to you, “Can I show you some place? I find it helps me feel closer to God when I feel like I’m goin’ astray. Perhaps I could help.” 

Hook and sink. He’d fallen right into the trap. With a shy nod, you agreed sweetly, “Yeah, yeah, I’d like that. Is it far?” 

Teagard shook his head, “Oh no, not too far at all. But I’ll drive so we don’t have to walk.” 

Getting him to drive you to the spot was just as easy as you imagined it would be. With a quick glance in the rear view mirror, you noticed a car in the far distance behind you that you immediately recognized as Arvin following. Preston’s car came to a stop in the same field you’d seen him take Jeanette Reaster to a few weeks ago, facing the woods ahead. 

It really was quite peaceful and would have been a pretty sight if you weren’t with a sexual predator. Again, his arm slid around your shoulders and you breathed in deeply, the intense sexual tension making you uncomfortable even though you had every intention of finishing him off before he even got a hand up your skirt. 

“You said that Russel boy has never touched you. Have you ever shown him yourself?” The fact that this man had the nerve to ask you such questions disgusted you beyond belief but you kept up the facade. 

“Like naked?” You clarified, seeing him nod, “No, not naked. We went to the lake one time so he saw me in my bathing suit then but that’s not exactly the same thing.” 

Preston chuckled at your naivety, “No, no, not the same thing at all. You know how you’re supposed to save yourself for marriage to be right with the Lord. But there is nothing that brings you closer back to our heavenly father than to be as Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, the garden of pure paradise.” 

“How is that so?” You cranked up the childlike inquisitive nature as you looked up at him with big doe eyes. 

Preston had to fight the urge to take you here and now, looking at you like this, but he remained strong for the sake of the process. “They were made in his image. We all were but they were his original children. The pure, unaltered image of God himself, before the sin of man tainted it all. By showing yourself in your pure, unaltered image, you bring yourself closer to the light.” 

Your brows furrowed, “But didn’t you just say that premarital sex is a sin?” This may have been jeopardizing your mission but you felt inclined to point out the hypocrisy before you offed the man. 

He nodded, chest falling and rising with a heavy sigh, “It depends on who you’re with. I’m a man of God myself and I like to model myself after Jesus. I’d like to think that makes me an extension of His love and power and therefore an outlet for you to feel safe to do whatever you need to do in order to be right with Him.” 

With a shaky breath, you bit your lip, “Alright. H-how do I-?”

Preston watched as you fiddled with the hem of your skirt and let his mind wander to what else those fingers might be good at. “First, let us pray.” He reached over and held your hand, “Lord, Y/N is showing herself to you. See her Lord, as you made her. She presents herself to you. Give her strength. Amen.” 

“Amen.” You muttered after him, your fingers slowly going to unbutton your dress. This wasn’t how you’d imagined the first time a boy seeing you in your knickers going. In your mind, it had always been on a nice romantic evening with Arvin and a selfish part of you wanted it to stay that way but then you remembered why you were doing what you were doing and sucked down the reservations. At least you weren’t actually losing your virginity to the monster. 

Nervous fingers fuddled with the button for just a moment too long and Teagarden twisted sideways, hands coming to cover yours, “May I?” He offered his assistance. 

Your heart thumped so loud you could hear it but you nodded silently, letting your fingers fall onto your thighs. With deftly skilled fingers, he had your blouse unbuttoned before long and had pushed it off your shoulders. Your breath caught in your throat at this much exposure, your breasts just barely concealed under only the fabric of your bra. Lord, you prayed silently, please let this be over with quickly. 

Your eyes slid closed, trying to imagine that it was Arvin touching you instead of Preston Teagarden but then the mere thought of comparing the two made you sick to your stomach. They were nothing alike. 

A set of chapped lips kissed your forehead gently, then your cheek, and then, finally, your lips. At first, you drew back, but still kept your eyes closed, trying to mask the disgust with untouched hesitance. You forced your body to relax again and Preston took that as a cue to continue with what he was doing, his lips returning to yours. 

Wasting no time, he’d crawled over you until your back was flush against the seat. You placed your hands awkwardly and haphazardly on Preston’s shoulder’s, trying to feign inexperienced confusion. You and Arvin may not have ever gone all the way, but you’d at least gone this far. 

Preston’s lips moved down your neck and your breath got caught in your throat. As much as you hated it, he knew what he was doing. This man knew all the right buttons to push to make a nervous girl submit to his every desire and, though you were well aware of the game he was playing and had zero attraction to him, the physical reactions were almost impossible to stop. Your body shuddered when his stubble, something Arvin lacked, scratched the sensitive skin of your neck, sending a shiver down your spine. Your eyes were open wide now, just waiting for your boyfriend to finally show up and save you from this situation. 

Arvin approached the car and slowly and quietly as he could. The windows were up so it wasn’t too big an issue as long as he wasn’t clanging metal but he figured he didn’t want to take any chances. When approached the driver’s window, his heart wrenched and he immediately regretted putting you in this position. 

Preston was on top of you, his hands roaming all around your semi-exposed chest. He knew that you’d never been exposed like that to anyone before and he suddenly felt sick with himself for allowing the first time to be with anyone beside him, let alone Preston fucking Teagard. 

He expected to have to psych himself up for the actual kill, to have to convince himself to do it but when you locked eyes with him, a silent plea to get the man off of you, it came unnervingly natural. With the rope already wrapped around both of his fists, Arvin reached for the handle and threw the door open, looping the rope around Preston’s neck and dragging him back out of the car. Preston’s eyes were wide with shock and fear, “What the fuck?!” He hollered in fear, the words turning to gagging and choking. His hands grasped at the rope but Arvin had it pulled too tightly. 

Preston’s body was kicking against the grass but his neck and head were pressed against Arvin’s chest, who was kneeling in the field. 

“You really thought you could get away with what you did to my Lenora? To that poor Reaster girl you murdered? And then I bet you were willing to do the same to her over there too, huh?” He seethed, notioning over to you with a flick of his chin. 

The reverend tried to say something, anything to defend himself or get himself out of this situation but Arvin never let up so the words came out as disgustingly graphic chokes. You crawled out of the car, not knowing what you could do to help or secure the situation but feeling useless now. 

In a few minutes time, his lips had turned blue and the thrashing of his body had stopped. Arvin finally let up and the body slump into the grass. He crawled back and away from the man who had only moments ago been all over you, touching you. 

That was when he remembered that you were there still. He’d gotten so blinded by rage that he almost blacked out, caught up in the task at hand. But when he looked up, his heart began to beat again and he stood up, rushing to you, “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” 

Your face was pale and blank, almost as if you were in shock. Your top was still totally unbuttoned, white modest bra still exposed to the world but you didn’t look like you cared at all. If Arvin was being honest, this wasn’t how he’d pictured seeing you topless for the first time going. He always hoped it would be romantic and with more than enough time to compliment every inch of your perfect body. Instead, you looked scared and shocked and almost like you could be sick. 

“Y/N?” He urged, coming stand between you and Preston’s body, attempting to break your view of it. He reached down and began to re-button your blouse for you. 

“I’m fine,” You said flatly, only moving to look up at him, “Are you okay?” 

With a glance down at his knuckles, the rope burn was clear to see, but Arvin had been through much worse, “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I’m so sorry that I let him do that. This whole idea was stupid and now-” 

“No,” You interrupted, finally snapping out of your shocked state and bringing your hands up to rest on his, which were on your chest now, “He can’t hurt anyone anymore.” 

Arvin didn’t actually feel remorse for killing the man. The only thing he wanted was to take you back home, or rather far away, where there weren’t any reminders of today’s events. He wanted to show you how special you were, how much he loved you, and how brave he thought you were for being willing to be Teagarden’s last victim for the better good of the world. 

[mab1905]

More Fitzjames content? Yeah... here’s a playlist for ya’ll...

These are songs which I think describe him at different points in his character developement or simply different aspects of his personality. Somewhat James/Crozier (Fitzier) but all about James.

(25 songs, 1 hour 33 min)

Song List + Most Character-Relevant Lyrics:

Fancy — Orville Peck

We didn't have money for food or rent / To say the least, we was hard pressed / Then Mama spent every last penny we had / To buy me a dancin' dress / Mama washed and combed and curled my hair / And she painted my eyes and lips / Stepped into a satin dancin' dress / That had a slit in the side clean up to my hips / It was red velvet trim, and it fit me good / Starin' back from the lookin' glass / There stood a woman where a half-gown boy had stood / ... / It sounded like somebody else that was talkin' / Askin', "Mama, what do I do?" / She said, "Just be nice to the gentlemen, Fancy / They'll be nice to you" / "Here's your one chance, Fancy, don't let me down / Here's your one chance, Fancy, don't let me down / Lord, forgive me for what I do / But if you want out, well, it's up to you / Now don't let me down now / Your mama's gonna move you uptown"

gold rush — Taylor Swift

What must it be like / To grow up that beautiful? / With your hair falling into place like dominos / ... / At dinner parties / I call you out on your contrarian shit / And the coastal town / We wandered 'round had never / Seen a love as pure as it / And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea / 'Cause you know it could never be

The Name Of The Game — ABBA

Your smile, and the sound of your voice / And the way you see through me / Got a feeling, you give me no choice / But it means a lot to me / So I wanna know / What's the name of the game?

Spectrum — Florence + The Machine

And when we come for you / We'll be dressed up all in blue / With the ocean in our arms / Kiss your eyes and kiss your palms / And when it's time to pray / We'll be dressed up all in grey / With metal on our tongues / And silver in our lungs / ... / And when we come back we'll be dressed in black / And you'll scream my name aloud / And we won't eat and we won't sleep / We'll drag bodies from the ground / So say my name / And every colour illuminates / And we are shining / And we'll never be afraid again

Dreamy Bruises — Sylvan Esso

How can we question / What we knows feels right / Black eyes turn to marigolds / In the morning light / Ohweeohweeoh kids move so slow / Shaken all over like some dogs at the pool / Ohweeohweeoh kids move so slow / They’re kicken all the records over acting like they hanging water / Ohweeohweeoh kids move so slow / Down in the basement where the sun don't show / Ohweeohweeoh kids movie so slow / Naked dollars wonder piles dreamy bruises rotten lovers / And they say I want you / To bend me back in two / To make me sing your tune / To make those words so smooth / Fill me like a song do

Wolf — Sylvan Esso

But no birds nor beast does he eat / He only wants the tenderest meat / And oh the sounds he makes them speak / Under all different patterns of sheets / ... / The modern wolf, the modern wolf / Drippin' in all the lives that he took / He'll go on home, try to wash them off / But when he shaves, he hears them call

Francis Forever — Mitski

On sunny days I go out walking / I end up on a tree-lined street / I look up at the gaps of sunlight / I miss you more than anything / I don't need the world to see / That I've been the best I can be, but / I don't think I could stand to be / Where you don't see me / And autumn comes when you're not yet done / With the summer passing by, but / I don't think I could stand to be / Where you don't see me

James — MGMT

James / If you need a friend / Come right over / Don't even knock / And I'll be home / The door is always open / And we both can say, "Who's laughing now?" / Oh, James / My little doll / You just go outside and you call / Oh, James / Oh, you're never too far off / If your fire's out / There's no need to shout / I'm always home / And walk on in / I'll make you tea and breakfast / And we both can say, "Who's laughing now?"

South London Forever — Florence + The Machine

I drive past the place that I was born / And the places that I used to drink / Young and drunk and stumbling in the street / Outside the Joiners Arm's like foals unsteady on their feet / With the art students and the boys in bands / High on E and holding hands with someone that I just met / I thought it doesn't get / Better than this / There can be nothing better than this / Better than this / And we climbed onto the roof, the museum / And someone made love in the glass / And I'd forgot my name / And the way back to my mother's house / With your black cool eyes and your bitten lips / The world is at your fingertips / It doesn't get better than this / What else could be better than this? / Oh, don't you know I have seen / I have seen the fields aflame / And everything I ever did / Was just another way to scream your name

Oh! You Pretty things — David Bowie

I think about a world to come / Where the books were found by the Golden ones / Written in pain, written in awe / By a puzzled man who questioned / What we work here for / All the strangers came today / And it looks as though they're here to stay / Oh You Pretty Things (Oh You Pretty Things) / Don't you know you're driving your / Mamas and Papas insane / Oh You Pretty Things (Oh You Pretty Things) / Don't you know you're driving your / Mamas and Papas insane / Let me make it plain / You gotta make way for the Homo Superior

Venus As A Boy — Björk

His wicked sense of humor / Suggests exciting sex / His fingers they focus on her and touches / He's Venus as a boy / ... / All across your lips, oh, then until / Well be that it's a little now, until / He believes in a beauty / He's Venus as a boy / He believes in a beauty and gentle

Winds Change — Orville Peck

Had a lover but I lost my patience / Gonna get a song on a radio station / Got a fire but you just can't use it / I don't mean no lies, baby, please don't lose it / Lost my way on the other side / I know why, I don't know when / From the way that we said goodbye / I knew I'd never see you again / Left my mind in the Salt Lake City / Met a lot of men who would call me pretty / Pack of reds, watch the days get colder / Don't it make you cry, how we're getting older?

Fluorescent Adolescent — Arctic Monkeys

Oh the boy's a slag / The best you ever had / The best you ever had is just a memory / And those dreams weren't as daft as they seem / Not as daft as they seem / My love, when you dream them up... / Flicking through a little book of sex tips / Remember when the boys were all electric? / Now when she's told she's gonna get it / I'm guessing that she'd rather just forget it / Clinging to not getting sentimental / Said she wasn't going but she went still / Likes her gentlemen not to be gentle / Was it a Mecca dauber or a betting pencil? / Oh the boy's a slag / The best you ever had / The best you ever had is just a memory / And those dreams weren't as daft as they seem / Not as daft as they seem / My love, when you dream them up / Falling about / You took a left off Last Laugh Lane / Just sounding it out / But you're not coming back again.

Cheerleader — St. Vincent

I've had good times / With some bad guys / I've told whole lies / With a half smile / Held your bare bones / With my clothes on / I've thrown rocks / Then hid both my arms / I've played dumb / When I knew better / Tried so hard / Just to be clever / I know honest thieves / I call family / I've seen America / With no clothes on / I don't know what I deserve / But for you I could work / Cause I don’t want to be a cheerleader no more

Queen Bitch — David Bowie

She's so swishy in her satin and tat / In her frock coat and bipperty-bopperty hat / Oh God, I could do better than that / Oh, yeah / She's an old-time ambassador / Of sweet talking, night walking games / Oh and she's known in the darkest clubs / For pushing ahead of the dames / If she says she can do it / Then she can do it, she don't make false claims / But she's a queen and such a queen / Such a laughter is sucked in their brains / Now she's leading him on / And she'll lay him right down / Yes, she's leading him on / And she'll lay him right down / But it could have been me / Yes, it could have been me

Boys Keep Swinging — David Bowie

Heaven loves ya / The clouds part for ya / Nothing stands in your way / When you're a boy / Clothes always fit ya / Life is a pop of the cherry / When you're a boy / When you're a boy / You can wear a uniform / When you're a boy / Other boys check you out / You get a girl / These are your favorite things / When you're a boy / Boys / Boys / Boys keep swinging

Caterpillars (Of The Common Wealth) — Will Connolly

You know you'll always be my valentine / Now swear to god that you will never tell / They're streaming every indiscretion live / For caterpillars of the commonwealth / Gotta go / You can stay / Make yourself at home / Gotta go / This campaign / Don't run itself you know / You've got potential little parasite / I tie your hands so i can wish you well / Cuz i'm a gentleman and you are like / A caterpillar of the commonwealth / Gotta go / I said no / You need to know your role / Gotta go / I said no / It's all under control

Imposters (Little By Little) — The Fratellis

You wear your mask, I'll wear mine / They don't come cheap, but they fit just fine / You can be her and I can be him / We can both sink when the rest all swim / ... / We can pretend that our fates were entwined / A beautiful lie is the beautiful kind / Everybody knows that the sun still sets / And everybody gives and everybody gets / ... / I could be the one that you just can't shake / Till you swear that your eyes go blind / We can disappear till the sun burns a hole / In the life that we left behind

Sweet Painted Lady — Elton John

I'm back on dry land once again / Opportunity awaits me like a rat in the drain / We're all hunting honey with money to burn / Just a short time to show you the tricks that we've learned / If the boys all behave themselves here / Well, there's pretty young ladies and beer in the rear / ... / Forget us we'll have gone very soon / Just forget we ever slept in your rooms / And we'll leave the smell of the sea in your beds / Where love's just a job and nothing is said

Super Trouper — ABBA

Super trouper beams are gonna blind me / But I won't feel blue / Like I always do / 'Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you / ... / So I'll be there when you arrive / The sight of you will prove to me I'm still alive / And when you take me in your arms / And hold me tight / I know it's gonna mean so much tonight

Babooshka — Kate Bush

She sent him scented letters / And he received them with a strange delight / Just like / His wife / But how she was before the tears / And how she was before the years flew by / And how she was when she was beautiful / She signed the letter / All yours...

Paris is Burning — St. Vincent

I write to give word the war is over / Send my cinders home to mother / They gave me a medal for my valor / Leaden trumpets spit the soot of power / They say, "I'm on your side / "When nobody is, 'cause nobody is / "Come sit right here and sleep / "While I slip poison in your ear" / We are waiting on a telegram / To give us news of the fall / I am sorry to report / Dear Paris is burning after all

Dream of Sheep — Kate Bush

Oh I'll wake up to any sound of engines / Every gull a seeking craft / I can't keep my eyes open / Wish I had my radio / I'd tune into some friendly voices / Talking 'bout stupid things / I can't be left to my imagination / Let me be weak, let me sleep and dream of sheep / Ooh, their breath is warm / And they smell like sleep / And they say they take me home / Like poppies, heavy with seed / They take me deeper and deeper

Hunger — Florence + The Machine

At seventeen, I started to starve myself / I thought that love was a kind of emptiness / And at least I understood then, the hunger I felt / And I didn't have to call it loneliness / ... / Tell me what you need, oh, you look so free / The way you use your body, baby, come on and work it for me / Don't let it get you down, you're the best thing I've seen / We never found the answer but we knew one thing / ... / And it's Friday night and it's kicking in / In that pink dress, they're gonna crucify me / Oh, and you in all your vibrant youth / How could anything bad ever happen to you? / You make a fool of death with your beauty, and for a moment / I forget to worry

[yandere-ac]

Yandere Pierce because I'm love him

Yandere Pierce X Reader

Just a heads up. This gets kinda dark towards the end (mainly murder) so if you’re sensitive to this stuff this probably ain’t the fic for you. The next once gonna be a lot less heavy but I just wanted to try some new subjects. If you guys don’t want the more mature subjects on this blog make sure to tell me. But anyways, here it is.

Growing up, Pierce had always felt a sense of entitlement. He wasn’t exactly spoiled, per say. His parents always beloved in working for what you wanted, and he did as well. He was very proud of all the muscle that he’d manage to build up during the past years since he started working out. He knew that the way for a well built body was long and hard but he knew that he was making improvements. See, he it wasn’t those things he felt entitled over. No, the things he would feel entitlement over would usually be people. Or, better put, peoples friendship. He would see or hear about someone and think “wow, I wanna be friends with them” and then go to introduce himself. Because of his (somewhat) charming nature, it was easy to make Friedan and he’d never gotten rejected. But, you could argue that it was bad that he’d never gotten rejected, because now he thinks that he’s owed peoples affections even when he really doesn’t. But there had always been one person that he quite couldn’t put his finger on.

And that person was you.

When he first moved onto the island, you hadn’t really made any attempt to befriend him at first, which he though was a bit rude but he ignored it, instead he made the first move and started talking to you. You two quickly became friends, since you and him and another resident where currently the only ones living on the island. And you were talking on a day to day basis. Sometimes he would trail behind you when you were walking around the island. If you went into the nooks cranny or ables sisters shop he would wait a few minutes and walk in himself, being very sneaky just to find an excuse to bump into you and have yet another conversation.

Sooner or later he would discover small factors like how whenever he was around you, he could feel his heart bump faster. Whenever he heard your laugh, he could feel his stomach fill with butterflies. If you ever said his name, his cheeks would turn red. It had been obvious to him that he had fallen in love with you. And it hadn’t been some small crush, he had fallen and he had fallen HARD. He thought of you, every second of everyday. He had fantasied about you two together, you would move in with him and you would have a pet sea-bass. After a while he would pop the question and you would accept happily. You would get married and start a family together. Oh how he wanted you. But of course you wanted him as well, I mean, how could you not? He was perfect in every single way. And you would soon be perfect together, he just had to find the perfect moment to confess to you.

It was a usual day, the sky was grey and riddled with dark clouds. You had just sold your turnips to Timmy and Tommy for a good amount of bells. You smirked as you looked down at the bags in your arms, you were so happy that you didn’t see where you were going, or who was standing in front of you. You bumped into the tall figure, losing your balance, Vella flying everywhere. You squinted, waiting for the impact of the hard ground. But before you could fall to the ground you felt something wrap around your wrist, effectively hindering you from falling. In a quick movement, they yanked you towards them and you felt your body collide with theirs. After a few seconds, once you got your bearings, you backed away.

“Oh, thanks. I didn’t se-“ you stopped in the middle of your sentence as you saw who had saved you. “Oh...hello Pierce...” you said, stomach instantly filling with bricks. Ever since he moved to the island he had been acting weird. And even if you were a little bit ashamed over it, you had avoided him when he first moved in. It was just something about him that had rubbed you the wrong way. But then he started talking to you every single day, and I mean every single day. Sometimes you would see him walking around you, acting very inconspicuous. At first you though it was just a coincidence but soon you would find that wherever you went, he was always slightly behind you. And it creeped you out! You had thought about going to Isabelle but you never where quite sure if it was stalking or if for some reason it was just a spooky coincidence. You didn’t want to accuse an innocent person of stalking you, especially if he did only want to be friends. However, where you did draw the line was the time you found him outside of your house. It had been one thing to see him following you around the island at daytime, but that was a whole other thing.

You remembered it clearly, the horror you felt. It had been late at night when you had woken up from strange noises outside. You tried to brush it off as nothing since it could be literally anything. But after a while you just couldn’t ignore it. You went up, trying to distract yourself by eating something. Going to your kitchen, you had started eating an apple when you thought you saw something out of your window. You had decided to investigate, a sense of curiosity awakening in you. As you went outside you heard rapid footsteps running from your house. You ran to see who it was, and to your horror you saw him. It was Pierce, or, Pierces back, running away. You were sure it was him. And you ran straight to Isabelle that night, banging on her door, begging to be let in. After a long conversation with her, she told you that she would talk to him. And for a while, it did seem like Pierce had backed off. But now it seemed like he was back with his shenanigans.

“What’s up Y/N? Were you in a hurry?” He had asked you, this was you chance. Quickly picking up all of your bell bags you turned to him in a hasty fashion. “Oh yeah, I really gotta go! Important stuff to do! But- uh, I’ll talk to you later man” you had tried to rush past him but he had grabbed your arm, stopping you in your tracks. Damn it. “Don’t worry, this’ll only take a minute” he turned to you and grabbed your hands, making you cringe slightly. “Y/N, ever since I moved in here, I had my eye on you. You were just so special and different y’know. And I for so long you had made me feel things I had never felt” Pierce exclaimed, letting out a loving sigh. “...okay...” you didn’t like where this was going. “Everyday that I talked to you, I would always think about the interaction hours later, wondering what you made me feel. But then I realized it Y/N! That feeling! I know now what it is. So let me just make this super clear. Y/N, i have feelings for you! I wanna start a life with you!” Pierce exclaimed as he had a big goofy smile on his beak.

“WHAT?!” You yelled as you felt your entire body jolt back. Rest assured, Pierces grip on your hands remained. “Pierce I-I-do-wha-“ you couldn’t form any words at the moment, looking at Pierce his smile was gone and his eyes held something you couldn’t quite place, but your entire body screamed at you to run. “Pierce...I...I don’t....I just though we were friends...I’m sorry but...I can’t accept your feelings” once you said this you could feel his grip getting tighter. His eyes weren’t even looking at you, he was staring off into the distance. And that only terrified you further. By now, the grey clouds had turned darker and it had started raining. “I’m sorry, I hope you can respect my choice...I really have to go now, bye” with all of your might you snatched your hands away from him and ran as fast as you could. You ran towards one of your other residents home, Zucker. He was your close friend and you really didn’t want to be alone right now.

Meanwhile, Pierce just sat there. Unmoving. He couldn’t believe it, friends? Friends?! Is that all he was to you?! No! He wouldn’t accept this! You are his! He would make sure you were! Weather you liked it or not, he was gonna have you.

“Oh my god really?! He grabbed you!?” Zucker had asked, concern bracing his features. You had told him everything and he was quick to comfort and listen. “Yeah, he has honestly creeped me out so much these past weeks” you told him, putting your head in your hands. “You should really take this up with Isabelle. If you want, I could follow you there?” Zucker had offered, you smiled at him as he said this. “Thank you Zucker, I would love that”

You and Zucker were walking to the community Center, talking to each other. It all seemed to be fine and well until Zucker was tacked and pinned to the ground by a sharp pair of talons. You gasped as you turned to look at the culprit, Pierce. Standing above Zucker, growling as he looked at you. “Oh, so this is how it’s gonna go hmm? I confess my feeling for you, only to have you go out with some LAZY filthbag?!” Pierce had shouted at you, he had always disliked Zucker due to both of their different lifestyles. But never had you though that he would do something like this. “Pierce! No! Please don’t hurt him!” You cried out, but Pierce didn’t care. In one fell swoop, he had clawed into Zuckers stomach. “NO!!!” You yelled and fell to the floor.

“What is happening over he-“ you heard a voice say before it was cut off by a scream. Tom and Isabelle had gone out to see what was happening only to discover the gruesome sight. “RUN!!!” You had tried to warm them but soon enough Pierce had latched himself onto them as well. Now was the part where you ran. You ran as far as your legs could carry you. But you knew that it was hopeless. Where were you gonna run? You were stranded on an island! It wasn’t like you could grow wings and fl-DODO AIRLINES!!!

You ran towards the dock, almost tripping on your own two legs as you collapsed onto Orvilles desk. “ORVILLE! QUICKLY WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE! PIERCE HAS GONE ON A KILLING SPRE-“ “Oh Y/N~” Shit. “Where are you my sweet?” You heard the madman call out. Soon, he went into the building. He was covered in blood, and had a love crazed look in his eyes. “Ah! There you are” he approached you and Orville. “St-Stay back! I’m warning you!” Orville had yelled back, but it was no use. “Stay back or what? Orville, between us birds, I don’t wanna milk you. So let’s make a deal alright? You and your brother leave, and NEVER come back. And I won’t kill you. That doesn’t sound so bad now, does it? You’re not strong enough to fend me off and you know that Orville, so let’s just cut the crap and make this easy” Pierce had said. You turned to look at Orville, praying that he doesn’t leave you alone with this murderer. But Orvilles eyes said it all, he was considering it.

Giving you a look of pity and mouthing the words “sorry”, he turned to Pierce. “Okay, I’ll do it, we’ll leave the island. Just...please don’t hurt her” As Orville said this, you felt the entire weight of the world crushing you. “N...no, no, no! NO! PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME ALONE WITH HIM ORVILLE! PLEASE!” You felt yourself get grabbed and lifted off the ground, you began struggling and fighting back as hard as you could but in the end it was hopeless. Pierce was much stronger than you and you couldn’t escape from him. You saw Orville leave, and with that, your last smidge of hope.

Pierce was now carrying you out of the Dodo airline, holding you bridal style. You laid unmoving in his wings, you knew that you couldn’t do anything about it, this was your fate. You were destined to be stuck with this insane bird all alone on a deserted island. But unlike you, Pierce had never felt happier. Sure, he’d lost control and went overboard a little bit. But it was worth it! Now he had you! His little Hawkeye, he deserved this. He deserved you!

And all the other scum who tried to separate you two deserved what they got.

[loulougoingsolo]

It’s about to pop!

Today on GMM, Rhett and Link rank different brands of microwave popcorn in order to determine, which is the best exploded kernel to enjoy while watching the Oscars. I’m not a fan of popcorn in general, and even if I do occasionally eat it, I always opt for the ones that are not butter flavoured. I think my biggest issue with popcorn is getting that “film” (I had to google this, and apparently it’s called a pericarp) that covers the kernel stuck in my teeth.

But hey, as long as I don’t have to eat popcorn, I’m sure to have a jolly good time watching today’s episode. So, let’s get poppin’!

There are altogether six different brands of popcorn ranked today, and right from the start, I feel the jury is a bit biased towards Orville Redenbacher. I’m not sure if knowing that Orville died of a heart-attack in a Jacuzzi (maybe due to decades of eating popcorn with real butter?) increases my appetite, but it does make this brand a little more interesting.

I actually have my birthday today, and just as I was writing the paragraph above, I received an email with a b-day gift of free popcorns for when I go to the movies next time - which is convenient, because my plan is to celebrate the big day with a movie on Friday. Last year I had an actual party and baked a cake with bi pride colours, but I don’t think my guests quite got the hint. Anyway, looks like I’ll be eating popcorn this week.

The only skinny thing I’d be willing to purchase, are jeans, and for me, skinny is not the first thing that comes to mind in terms of snacks - but checking the Skinny pop website, I kind of get it now. I also get why this is the most expensive brand today.  Being gluten-free, GMO-free and artificial flavouring free are, as trivial as they may seem to an average consumer, qualities which all products can’t guarantee. Keeping the production line 100 % gluten free is expensive, and in today’s world, so is keeping the corn GMO-free.

In Europe, GMO products are much more regulated than in the US, and if I’m not entirely mistaken, none of the corn for human consumption is genetically modified. I’m personally quite worried about GMO in general, for many reasons too serious for GMM commentary, but not all corn is genetically modified. Selective breeding is not the same thing as genetic modification. Rhett is wrong, but I’m not going to start a rant.

It’s obvious the biggest difference in these popcorns is in the branding. Act II does not sound like a good brand name. The name might have worked back in the 80s when it was first introduced, but now that it’s been around for 30+ years, it makes absolutely no sense.

Now, I may not be a popcorn lover, but I do love those vintage popcorn makers - just as I love all kinds of vintage gadgets. A little bit of googling produced something that must be similar to the popcorn wagon Link remembered. That looks pretty cool. (I love how Link says they have to get one for Mythical for the parties - I’ve used the same excuse for so many kitchen gadgets that I could start a catering business, and I have parties like once in a decade.)

Am I supposed to believe that one of pop’s secrets is not that he is being payed by Orville? After this “subtle” wink? Or is that a “not a sponsor, but I’d like you to be” wink? Anyway, you don’t need to be payed to have a preference.

Oh, Link. Jolly time sounds a lot like “sugar time with your meat stick”, and with that expression on his face, is even less subtle than Rhett’s wink. I’d love to see how Christy would react if she saw Link call him his woman. In fact, it would be kind of cool to once see Jessie and Christy react on any of the GMM episodes, like Rhett’s Dad did on LTAT.

Oh, I did not know anything about Newman’s Own as a brand, and being curious about how all the profits could possibly go to charity, I did another google search. Paul Newman is behind this? How awesome is it when celebrities use their fame for actual good - and make sure their legacy continues even after they’re gone? And, he was a great actor, too. Turns out, these products are available in Finland, too, so I need to try some. Not the popcorn, but a salad dressing maybe.

Why do I love it when Rhett and Link start tossing food at each other? Catching corn with Grandad is really jolly time! I’m pretty sure it’s more fun than dying in a jacuzzi, even if I got to meet the guys in the corn pasture later.

In GMMore, the guys try to make popcorn with a table-top grill and flat-irons, and the miracle of popping leads to a delightful conversation about human birth. I’m not sure if I’ve told this here before, but when I was a kid (like around 7 years-old), after school, before the parents got home, I used to watch my dad’s medical educational videos (on VHS) with my friend (he was a year older). My dad is a doctor, and at one point, he was sent piles of these tapes for free, and he never watched them. We did. One of them was a very graphic video about giving birth - this was intended for medical professionals, not small kids. We watched the whole thing, afterbirth and all, and to this day, neither of us has children.

In case you didn’t catch the earworm worthy song Link was singing with his altered lyrics (”it takes time to make a thing go pop), here it is. It doesn’t take time for me to get an earworm, but I’ll gladly share it with y’all. And it’s once again proof of how much Link knows about history of hip-hop.

Turns out, with a flat-iron, it doesn’t take that long to make a corn go pop - but the grill is a dud. If you want to pop more than one kernel, you might want to try a kettle, especially since the flat-ironed popcorns come out a little flat. But I think find the popcorn could make a good party game - in fact, it takes only two to make that game fun. Don’t pop in each other’s faces, though. It only takes one corn to make a man go blind. Crap, I’m gonna stop now.

It would actually be an interesting episode of GMM to have the guys react to birth videos - only I think they’d need some help keeping Link’s eyes open (like what they did in Clockwork orange)...

[captainmercer20]

Dreams Become Reality

Part 2-Chapter 2

Now they were on The Orville with Michelle, Alex, Dr. Miles, and the other doctor who came along.  Dr. Aubrey Nelson.  Claire quickly offered to show the doctors her lab.  Ed quickly went to show Alex and Michelle their quarters.  They walked when they got to the quarters Alex would reside for the next few days.  They stopped in front of the door.  Ed turned to Alex.  "This is where you be staying, Lieutenant Stone."

"Great."  Alex slapped Ed's shoulder.  It actually hurt him.  As Alex turned towards Michelle, Ed rubbed his shoulder.  Alex smirked at Michelle.  "Well, now you know where I will be, I mean, if you get lonely at night."  He winked at Michelle.

She rolled her eyes.  "You're a pig, Alex."

"What?"  Alex smiled.  "I am just offering company if you get lonely.  But if you have something else in mind, I am sure we can make something else happen."

Michelle was disgusted by this.  She moved past him, till she got next to Ed and hooked her arm in his.  "If I need some company, I am sure Ed wouldn't mind keeping me company."

She looked at Ed as he looked at her, smiling.  "I wouldn't mind at all."  Ed said back.

Michelle smiled at him.  Alex looked at the two, angrily, and scoffed, "Whatever, then.  Your loss."  Then he went into his quarters without another word.

Ed and Michelle turned and began to walk, with her arm still hooked in his.  "So, not a bad guy, huh?"  Ed asked her as he looked at her.

She sighed.  "Yeah, about that."  She looked at him.  "I lied.  Doctor Miles was there and I didn't want to ruffle feathers.  Alex is the idea soldier.  But I honestly think he is a complete tool."

Ed chuckled as he looked forward.  "Glad to know I am not the only one that thinks that."  Then he asked, a little worried, "So you two never..."

She stopped which caused Ed to stop.  He looked at her.  "Seriously, you think I would go for a guy like that, Ed.  I think you would know me better then that."

He sighed as he looked away, "I'm sorry, it's just he is tall, buff, and as a man, I cannot deny, handsome."

She smiled at him and they started walked again.  "Yeah, he is all those things."  Ed quickly looked at her as she looked at him and chuckled.  "Come on, I am not blind."  She just shook her head.  "He is all those things.  But he isn't charming and he is a pig.  After I meet the sweetest man I could have ever have known, guys like that are not even on my radar.  Hell, he is no knight in shining armor."  Then she looked at the walkway as they continued to walk.  "I already met my knight in shining armor."  She looked at him as he looked at her.  "And no other man compares."

This made Ed smiled.  "So you still see me as your knight in shining armor?"

"You saved me, Ed.  From that hellhole.  So, yeah, I do."  She only said.

Ed then asked, "I could show you your quarters or we could go to the mess hall and get something to eat.  I mean, it be nice to catch up."

She smiled widely and he got his answer.

They got to the mess hall and sat down at a table after they got some food.  As they sat there and ate, they talked.  Laughed and reconnected.  Then Ed looked at her as something been bothering him.  "Why did you decide to have the device put back into your head?"

She sighed as she worried this would come up.  She knew Ed would not understand.  "I know this isn't what you wanted for me.  But after everything I have been through, I felt like I had to do something, to be apart of this to do something bigger.  What I have learned and how to control myself has been something else."  Then she smiled as she looked at him.  "You do not understand to be able to learn that kind of control is impowering.  I never felt so much stronger and focused.  I love doing this, Ed.  And I am helping the Union in the process."

"But do you really think this is a good idea?  I mean, do you really agree with what they are doing?"  Ed asked.

She just smiled as she moved closer.  "Trust me, Ed.  I am the first person this happened to.  I remember what I have done aboard this ship.   So, when they approached me of there plans, I was skeptical and completely against it.  But as time progressed and they taught me how to control it, I started to see how this could benefit the Union.  Especially now that we know the Krill is using it.  We have to be able to defend ourselves, Ed."  Then she sat back in her seat.  "But unlike myself, these people are willing participates.  With my and Alex's help, they too will know how to control it.  They assured me that everyone that goes through this program will know what will happen to them."  She noticed Ed still was skeptical and moved forward in her seat as she took his hand.  "Listen to me, Ed.  The Union always have done things on the up and up and never gave us a reason to second guess them.  Now have they?"

Ed smiled at her.  "You are right about that."

Just then, some of the crew walked into the mess hall.  Gordon noticed Ed.  "Hey, Ed."  He called out.  They walked over to him and he asked, "What are you doing here?  You usually have dinner in your quarters."

"Oh, I was catching up with an old friend."  Ed smiled at him.

Gordon looked over to see Michelle and his eyes widened.  Last time he saw her, her dreams caused havoc on the ship and he fell out of a non-existing tree.  Michelle stood up.  "I know the last time you saw me, well, it was a mess.  But I promise, it isn't like that anymore."

"What?"  Gordon crossed his arms.  "Did you get it taken out or something?"

Michelle opened her mouth.  "Actually, no.  But I promise you, I have learned to control it.  So, I am safe to be around."  Gordon narrowed his eyes at her.  "Look, I know I caused you to break your leg but that was before.  Before I put myself through the discipline to learn to control it.  The Union would not allow me to be on the ship if they didn't think so and they definitely would not be putting this into others if there wasn't a means to control it."

"What the hell do you mean put it into others?"  Then he looked at Ed.  "What the hell is she talking about?"

Ed quickly stood to calm him down.  "Gordon, I know you are not a fan of this, which is understandable, but that is why Kelly and I felt it was best not to say anything to you all.  We knew you would have objects, especially after what happened the last time Michelle was onboard, but I promise you, this time it is different."

"This is insane, Ed."  Gordon quickly said, almost bewildered.

Ed quickly put his hands up in front of him to calm Gordon down.  "We can talk about this later, Gordon."  Then he moved a hand to Michelle's back.  "But now I need to show Michelle to her quarters."

Just then Michelle noticed Alex had walked in.  Michelle quickly looked at Ed.  "Yes, let's do that, like now."  She really didn't want to talk to Alex.

Truth was, he had been hitting on her since the moment they started to work together.  She had to make nice, no matter how disgusting he was, in front of Doctor Miles.  "No."  Gordon quickly intervened, "You do not get to drop a bomb like this and just walk away."

"Really, Gordon.  I am tired and would like to relax a bit before I go to bed."  She tried to get away.

But it was too late, Alex walked up to the group and moved to Michelle.  He put his arm around her shoulder.  "Are you going to introduce me to your friends?"  He gave a smirk.

She rolled her eyes as she didn't want him even touching her.  She pushed his arm off of her.  "Alex,"  She mumbled.  "This is Gordon, Bortus, John, and Tella.  Guys this is Lieutenant Ass...I mean, Alex Stone."  She smirked.

Ed couldn't help it but smile as well.  Just then Alex looked at her.  "How about you and I get a bite to eat?"  He took her hand.

She pulled her hand away so he wasn't touching her.  "I am good."  Then she looked at Ed.  "Ed and I already got a bite to eat."  Then turned back to him.  "Now, he was going to show me to my quarters."

He then moved his arm around her and pulled her to him in a possessive manner.  "Well, how about I stop by them later."

She pushed him away, hard.  "Ew, do not touch me."  Michelle was disgusted by Alex's actions.  "Only in your dreams..."  Then she thought about it for a moment.  "No, not even then."   Then she turned to Ed as she moved to him and hooked his arm.  "Why don't you show me to my quarters?"

"Sure."  Ed said then they walked off.

Gordon looked at Alex.  "Dude, seriously, you cannot get in between them, they have history." 

Without another word, they moved away from him.  He looked on to where Ed and Michelle left and narrowed his eyes.  "But I will not give up that easily."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ed was relaxing in bed, reading, when he heard his door chimed.  He looked confused as he didn't expect company.  He walked out of his room to the main room in his quarters to his door.  He opened it and saw Michelle there.  He couldn't help it but smile.  "What are you doing here?"

She shifted from one foot to another.  "I, uh, couldn't sleep.  I hope I didn't wake you."

"No, not at all."  Ed quickly said, he was more then happy to see her.  He moved to the side.  "Come on in."

She walked in and Ed closed the door behind her.  She turned to him.  "You sure I am not intruding?"

Ed smiled at her.  "No, not at all."  Then he put a hand on her lower back.  "Let's sit."

They moved over to the couch and she sat down.  "You want anything?   Something to drink?"

"I wouldn't mind a whiskey on rocks."  She smiled.

He went to the food simulator and got two of the same drink.  He grabbed them once they appeared and moved over to her.  He handed her a glass as she quickly thanked him and sat down.  "So, why the late night call?"

She took a drink and smiled.  "Like I said, I couldn't sleep.  I was hoping for some company.  And you said you wouldn't mind keeping me company if I needed it."

He smiled.  "Glad you decided to come to me."  Then he took a drink as he was a bit nervous.  He didn't know what to say.  Her being back on his ship did something to him, brought back old feelings but he didn't know she felt the same way still so he didn't want to press it.  "So, how are you liking your quarters?  Are you comfortable?"

She chuckled and shook her head.  "My quarters are just fine, Ed."  Then she moved her glass to the table and turned in her seat to look at him more.  "But are you really wanting to know if I am comfortable in my quarters?"

He chuckled as he looked at his glass as he was nervous.  Then looked at her with a smile.  "I guess not."

She smiled at him and moved a hand to his that held his glass.  She took it from him as she moved to the table.  Ed looked at her confused, trying to figure out what she was up to.  She moved back into her seat and took his hand.  "Truth is, I really have missed you, Ed.  I have thought about you everyday since I left you."  Then she moved a hand up his arm as she looked at it as his breathing hitched.  He licked his lips and watched her, unable to even move.  She looked up at him.  "But now we are here, together."  Her hand moved up to the back of his neck.  "I don't want waste another moment with you."

Ed looked at her.  "What are you saying, Michelle?"

She smiled at him.  She moved in as she pulled him to her.  His lips moved to hers and they touched.  Ed instancely felt the spark that he hadn't felt in so long.  He moved his hands to her back and pulled her to him as he deeped the kiss.  Their lips parted as he rested his forehead on hers.  "I have missed you so much."

"Show me."  She whispered.

That he did.   He moved back in and kissed her, deeply.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Michelle was in a deep sleep as Ed was curled up behind her, holding her close, sleeping as well.  They were unaware of the figure that gazed down on them.  Alex looked down at the couple as he could see they have been with each other, intimately.  This infuriated him as he longed for Michelle.  He always have noticed how beautiful she was and wanted to make her his.  But now he saw what Gordon was saying was true, she had feelings for Ed.  All the ships that had to escort them back to Earth, it had to be the one where Michelle's long lost love had to be the Captain of.  

Just then Alex opened his eyes as all he did was project himself to see for himself what was true.  He was beyond angry.  Just then he got up from the floor of his quarters living area and growled out as he flipped the coffee table.  He wanted Michelle to be his but there would be no way, not as long as Ed was around.  He knew he had to get rid of the problem.  The one thing that stood in between him and Michelle.  He knew Ed had to go.

[serahsanguine]

The Experience of London Film and Comic Con

I will be writing this a blog typestyle. Starting from the beginning of the day and ending up with the journey home. All spelling mistakes are my own and probably has punctuation missing.  I am hoping by writing this it helps sink in or so I have a documented record of what happened for a future purpose. (also I was asked) so the morning was a very early start 3 o'clock wow lol. the train from Derby to London was pleasant either if the steward/stewardess was sick there no freshments/ drinks on the journey there.   so when I arrived at St Pancras international finding which tube was slightly stressful as I get so confused by maps, it's unreal. but I asked for help and they were lovely, telling me where to go and it helped so much as I was a nervous wreck (The first time of many throughout the day)   when I finally arrived at Paddington station, around 8 the beautiful Mags @Magdalena357569 helped me out and find the bus route to Olympia which in its self-was a nice journey going past the Winston Churchill pub with some beautiful flowers on and around the building but I did wonder how they kept them all so vibrate with this heat wave we have experienced. arriving at Olympia was fun even though me and mags had no clue where we were going we arrived near the gold passes entrance and were told to wait there to be moved around to gate H, it was sunny and warm I honestly thought I was going to burn because of that's what I do in the sun.   anyways that was an s shape zigzag thing which took a good half hour before we were moved to gate H. when we actually got into the Olympia who would have guessed more queuing, we picked up our diamond passes which were by the first letter of Surname (There should have been signs!) so we had to queue twice.  when we finally got our David Duchovny Diamond pass we got our day passes scanned and more Zig-Zaging through at least this time it was moving well for a time anyway kept stopping every known and again but never mind. that took another 30 minutes to get through before we actually got into the venue. once in the venue the was a quate little coffee shop over to your right where we met half the hang of ladies that we were going with. once accomplished we no cat Caroline Poole @CarolineRPoole Sam @medicaldoctxr Elaine myself and mags and Elaine's dad  (Who is amazing by the way with a great sense of humor) we went to find David Duchovny signature place and oh boy was that fun. The Olympia if you have never been, is huge and I mean huge the maps available are very misleading. so we worked our way upstairs to find where most of the signatures were being held and guess what no DD so we asked a steward who hadn't a clue so we walked around like lost puppies not having a clue where to go. We walked through to where the photo were being held still no DD we kept asking steward's who hadn't a clue so, in the end, we got very very lost and hot and sweaty.  (There should have been a map to tell you where everything was just saying!. I was told there were maps but I never found them)   after about an hour of looking, (and a Very angry me) we finally found DD signature stand (Finally) we had lost some of our group oops lol. anyway, we were waiting for the queue to get that (Now me sam and Elaine) where I was able to get a copy of Miss subways (OMFG I finally got a copy) the line for the autographs wasn't that long. The actually autograph what a buzz first off I was so nervous, shaking everything but wow what an experience, David talked to me like we actually had a conversation he asked who was the signature so I said, Sarah and he asked with an h now I must have pronounced the h weird because he pronounced h differently to me obviously him in an American accent and me in a British accent or something like that. (later sam told me its because he couldn't get over it was with an h lol) but I was like yes it Sara with an H and we laughed about it.   let me tell you it was a surreal experience actually talking to the man that is your idol. for as long time. he was so nice and his voice was slightly deeper then I was expecting but soothing at the same time. and he was very pleasing to the eye if I don't say so myself.   Then I waited for Sam you had an amazing Brick Photo and he was stunned that it was his dog and he signed it to Samantha from Brick - David Duchovny and omg was she happy we got out of the enclosed both and she was having a meltdown in true sam style. we waited for Elaine and then had to sit down and calm down from our adrenaline rush (one of many).   once we had finally calmed down I needed to go outside. And wouldn't you know it? Me and Sam got lost again (They Need to sell Damn Maps just saying) so we finally got the exit and got stamped and were told we could come back in the same door (Yes i believed the lie)  so we finished up outside to find out we could not go back through the door we came out off and had to go back around to the start gate H bagged searched and stamp recognised with had to do the damn zig-zag thing again (oh the joy) luckily lot fewer people so only took us about 10 mins. we meet back up with Elaine and her dad we got the message that our friend and not so stalked dd on video which was so funny because he didn't realize (some bodyguards they were) so it was becoming near the time for photos (We got lost again) once the photo booth were found we had more queuing and more panicking and more adrenaline pumping through our systems.  and more zig-zag snake things (a regular occurrence) me and Sam were so excited and nervous but it was so fun. I got asked several occasions where I got my bag from and if it was for sale I am sorry guys I did it my self. one in the photo booth square we gave our bags to the photo people and waited for our time to have a photo taken. I was talking to Sam about I would just be happy with a hug all I wanted and then it was my turn.  when he spotted me he was like it Sarah with an h I was like yes it is. he asked how I was, I said I was great and asked him how he was. And we had our photo taken. His arm (Those arms are to die for) around my shoulders (i'm small) has hand touched my X-file tattoo (which at the time i didn't realize) and I put my head on his pectoral muscle/shoulder/neck area it was so warm and amazing (True Fan fic style) when finished I said by and went and waited for Sam and got my photo and bag and left the photo booth area. he was wearing dark jeans grey top black trainers with orange laces. (Wow damn he was hot)   So me and Sam (we lost Elaine)  talked about what happened and he remembered her because of the Brick photo and she tripped on his shoe (only sam) and she doesn't like her photo but in my opinion, she looks amazing. we live streamed (which can be found somewhere on my twitter profile.) to try and calm down and breath and because I promised I would we eventually found Elaine and her Dad and a hotdog stand yay. by this time we realized we had 4 hours to kill (WOW). food eat time to find an exit for some fresh air. we got lost again and if it wasn't for Elaine's dad we would have been lost a long time, we went past some of the best cosplay I have ever seen. I even found the TARDIS which for me as a Doctor Who fan was amazing, there were Daleks and everything including Cybermen cosplay. once done with our outside actives and back in we went in the search for merchandise and we found @underthefloorborads stall with @chimera work and yes i bought one and omg it amazing I also found a pop store with Fox Fricking Mulder (very rare indeed) and I found another beautiful poster for the X-Files and I even got an MSR pillow (no blankets I really want a blanket)  that killed about an hour - two hours looking for everything and getting lost so many times and a damn sight lof of walked we found somewhere to sit down and just rest.   so after this, me and Sam went to the talk and were in the third row I cam to know the Deadpool, Orville, the x-files trailers by heart waiting for David to appear on the screen. and wow what a talk it was so many good questions asked like Gillian question, would he work on other project directing, writing. what genre of work he finds scary or hard. different ways his name been pronounced, and if he had any European work coming up, Insta questions I have one complaint tbh and it's not David's fault but where the talk was placed was horrible and the sound of the questions plus the sound of David was not very clear. so basically the speakers were terrible. but all in all I got some good photo and David made me laugh and he's swearing is so funny and erotic he honestly so nice and sweet and one amazing person in general. I have meet so many people off twitter that was amazing to finally meet people that I have talked to over social media was surreal and amazing. so all together it was a long and exciting day meeting David was a dream come true. he nice and amazing. just an amazing all around person. the con its self-was amazing some amazing stalls. some amazing people met, amazing items being sold and very exciting and fulfilling journey. home-bound well I got my very first uber like that its self is an x-file especially after seeing David it gave me season 10 flashback.  that was nice and pleasant and quite cheap tbh. so i arrived at Paddington subway and had an anxiety attack (joy not) all sorts of stuff going through my head about missing train etc. but once arrived at St Pancras International I seemed to half calmed my self down I was 45 mins early for my train. so I waited and waited and finally got on the train home. I had a table all to myself I'm a lucky girl like that and it kind of hit me but I'm still not fully there even today writing this. i heard one of his song on Spotify and cried because i had actually met him (i think it was tiredness it had been a long day. I got home about home at 10 pm.   so that's

me recall of yesterday thanks for reading. any question just ask me on twitter or tumblr.        

[the-firebird69]

IPOs | Recent IPO Filings, Calendar of Upcoming IPOs, and IPO Data

We offered an i p o we were forced to cover it we covered it besides buy everything. They kept the stocks the same thinking that we can't take the companies over and that's what their attitude is and that's what they're doing regardless of what's happening we're taking the companies over was we bought and we bought our company back Sim you never put hard knock out

.

Didn't want you opening the hard-knock company because it's our company because you're the one who gave it up when not having him get anything that's how he said it you will not get anything a thing is what you said. Which is absurd to say to someone who's so smart and can sell things in absurd person I love you are we have sold you and we all built you in three months there's no motorcycle company on Earth that has built or sold as many as us and even combined they haven't and that's just Hardknock not including Sim bikes. And our cars are now selling more than your cars sell globally combined and soon it will overtake all vehicles and you won't have any on the road that are new none just Sim and public transportation is going to be ours shortly were building those two Orville those people do stuff looks like you I don't give a hateful a******* that's what got you here moron I'm hateful bang, mine hit you s, I'm fully loaded. We're going ahead and telling people that he was under extreme duress and his anger is up there and so is there is though they say most the time I want him to do well and we're going to take over your company in Miami and he's going to run it from wherever he wants to in ken be out on the yacht let me tell tell him Ken what to do I am ken get on the phone and tell them what to do. So flabbergasted sitting there exhausted sweating and tired and it's nuts are hurting them is sent to spend all day long and wasting time and energy and money putting holes in the roof and ruining it you're idiots cuz everyone told you how to fix it you won't listen making a message she wants to do an apartment that's it's a good idea he'll tell me about if he gets one he'll tell me right away this isn't going to listen and see what they say and then I'll get I got to get over to him and tell him that I said already already in space so Ken says that's what I say it is what we'd like him to do something like that you guys are using this company against those who want to use it against them and see if they can see it the necklace to see what we do with it and so far he's doing absolutely nothing so take advantage of

It

And by the way the Kraken will be up shortly and surely means very soon we're talking only a few hours we got everything lined up and ready to go and those kikker 5150 or all up there and DC in the Bronx in New York and Jersey price of Delaware most of its waste land and most of jerseys wasteland and you girls will send in the Martians it's Zig Zag's territory. And he says yes and he's going to do it and do you want to see these people. Georgie porgie and the noise that I make he says slapping people and get Tom Cruise out there to get dust all over him actually this is it cuz we're going to go ahead and do that and what time cruise to see what it's like in other people who are sitting there using and abusing and infusing and bothering and harassing you needed gone you're so dumb it's bad enough he's famous and everyone like wants to talk to him is he does that all the time Oru zoos and he rips a big one she's practiced for a long time. I'm going to pull that thing out of there I'm going to go over there and make sure it's going along so I keep saying it's going along

Weather now I'm talking about girls to help her out of the way that things going to things that need to be done so get them done so you can focus on getting it ready healthy feels okay so we're doing that and clear it all out and we're wrestling with people also new says this why is it so important to get it out you know why if you don't cut the crap and give you sitting right under me no offense but that's not it the severity is horrible here everything smells like s*** everyone smells like s*** they talk like it they look like it and they're like the the head guys you have to try and talk to you about some stuff and they don't talk straight and they hardly tell the truth and how they remember it and they're very mean and their temperament is nasty and all cannibals as like Wade through all that as you know and you do it a lot but sitting here the Thor father are going to be nearby not looking forward to it let's see what else can I eat well it's kind of competing with you up there.

We need a boost and we're going to get one because of Dave stager who's the electric bike guy he knows about it and said he's cold Kohl's your Frozen I was like electricians or something we have like these monkeys in your room from The Big bang theory yeah when will that happen probably when the queen moves out of the big tank so it's on now and it's going on there's tons of people and we have to move in and doing that the same time northlake computer but he wants that out today and he's insisting on it is asked too many times it's taking too long you had to get involved last time so he keeps on doing it every few minutes and is asking why do is it calculated is it fed is it monitored each area of it shoot and it says yes so is it on schedule for early evening . And no honest as the real answer is no not ready for early evening why is there anything I can help with usually it might be something that's already done on occasion or something that you're not thinking of her maybe I can't I don't know so going to tell you there's a few things in the way and a pretty big-sized one of them is right here knowledgeable about with me here just have to go there with me out and if you have to and that's the whole object of the game here and Thor is good at that as well as my wife and Nuada Arrianna, we have a consensus that we need to feed it more and what you're saying is why if it's livened up if it's moving and it's healed and a strong it's easier if it's not a huge it's hard to agree with you answer this it's got to be healthy and only has to be healthy yeah not really plump less plan for this case is decent and Thor agrees. Fully operational difference. So Nuada Arianna agree, we should not make him huge it should make him at optimal performance possible or at least 80% thinking about he'll be off tomorrow in like 10 minutes everybody agrees with that it's just start picking out and getting rid of you and eat whatever he wants so we decided something under here it's kind of the way it is we've got to win do we need to use it we need to get people in here we need to stop listening to all the stupid s*** I need to get the damn thing out of here so if it's going to come out fully intact at 80% like a whole bunch of them probably do then I get it out so I understand you're angry and you're expressing it all the time and you should be and I should be angry because I keep saying stuff like that it's a pain in the ass hasto we aired but I know is most come out a little small and most rare kind of smelly and not really up to speed about 70% and he's about 80 so he's ready so things are out of the way and it's trapped take it out right now right now is there anything preventing at right now because we're stopping ourselves from survival this is terrible this people blab every 5 seconds.

So I look at you and I say I don't understand what we're saying we have to do it during the day and we have to do it during the night and I don't know what you're saying you're saying we have to do it during the night now I figured out something you listen to what I'm saying and obviously means something during the day it's somewhat visible and during the night is not cuz it could be so indifferent with a gear Love Field Michelle us team is that a lot of steam I figure someone messing with a gear do the steam at night and really should. Also I got to straighten out this effing argument he wants it done and wants it done now and we have ways to do it and we're arguing in public for no damn reason except everyone wants to argue with him all the time such an addiction I don't want him arguing with anyone is tired he wants it out he wants to do the damn job you do it to me too I'm in the middle I don't know which way to go I need it done and he comes along and gets it done and it was sitting there watching me suffer and you know she doesn't want this tennis match it doesn't help him doesn't help hours and starting humoring Andy ever and going back and forth trying to get close to people. I'm starting to realize something I've been doing that for weeks and people are starting to get annoyed I don't stop doing that ask him what we need you went and kicked out of Ireland this is a piece of crap to you is not useful as risking your life there's no point to it so I'm going to do that and take all the stuff he doesn't he's a little s*** to I'm going to put Factory is wall-to-wall just like the did you say said but really they push us out and push this all over the place so they can't tell who we are huge pain in the ass because you lose track of people and you get weaker and that's what they're doing it for so I'm going to do that now I'm going to catch all the snakes that I chase out of there so he knows what to say so I'm mad this is what he going to do that if you're not helping to get this out and it's slowing the process you can go do it now cuz I need distraction in order to get this going leave it or not it's a lot easier so I'm going over there now and will provide distraction and he does need adhere to certain things that need to be done so I sign lobo and proxima midnight the 11th to come over here instead of beating them up I guess in Atlanta for some reason that's what I do so I understand so wow what do I do fire up that big two wheeler and roll cleaner and save the island it's awesome so I think we might do that the gang member perfect well and nobody noticed the Lobo was in East LA... Me too hahaha Proxima Midnight.

I vote we raise it now Thor

I vote we raise it now Hera

I vote we raise it now Zues

I vote we raise it now one for me one for her Nuada Arianna

I vote we raise it now to votes Isis and Rah

Tons are voting now finally

Olympus

They all say now. Who begin the protocols and we start to prep for it and put in heavy I'm starting to do it now isn't it goes over there is extinct anything it starts to warm is extinct any groups that start forming all of the world were going to hit where they are

[eienvine]

Because the world needs more Orville fanworks

So is anyone watching The Orville? And if so, can we talk about Kelly and Ed? I haven't even made up my mind whether I like the show yet, but I already ship those two SO HARD. (Is their ship name Mercson? Is that the plan?) Anyway this ficlet popped into my head and demanded to be written, and since I am feeling too lazy at the moment to get The Orville added as a category on AO3, I thought I’d put it on my old friend The Tumblr. Just a short and (bitter)sweet little moment between the captain and the XO.

Rating: K

Pairing: Kelly Grayson/Ed Mercer (Mercson, I believe?)

“So what’s the deal with Alara?”

Kelly looks up from her lunch as Ed walks into her office and drops into the seat in front of her desk. “What do you mean?” she asks, although deep down she suspects she knows.

“I don’t know,” he shrugs as he casually reaches out and steals one of the cherry tomatoes off her plate. The move takes her back a year and a half and more, to a thousand meals just like this: the pair of them together, chatting casually over the table, with Ed eating her tomatoes because he knows she doesn’t like them. The thought gives her a pang of nostalgia that she violently shoves back into its usual deep dark corner of her heart. “She’s been kind of weird,” he explains after a moment’s thought. “Sort of jumpy and on edge, almost . . . nervous, you know what I’m saying?”

Yes, Kelly knows exactly what he’s saying, and she wonders how to respond. Alara is her friend, and she doesn’t want to embarrass her. To answer truthfully would feel like betraying a confidence, even though Alara hasn’t actually told her anything; what Kelly knows is the result of observation, not confession.

But on the other hand, Ed is her captain, and if she has information about a personnel issue that could affect how the senior officers interact with each other, maybe she should say something. Imagine if it led to sloppy behavior on a mission, or in a landing party: the results could be disastrous.

(And on a third hand, he’s more than her captain. Alara might be a friend but Ed is . . . well, she has no idea what she and Ed are to each other, but she knows that whatever it is, it’s strong, stronger than her friendship with Alara. It has not escaped her wry, resigned notice that even now, sixteen months after the divorce, Ed is still the most significant relationship in her life.)

“I’m just worried, I guess,” Ed is continuing. “Those could be indicators of stress. Are we overworking her? I know she’s well trained, and she’s strong as an ox, but she’s still so green; twenty-three is pretty young to be a chief security officer. Should I lessen her hours until she’s feeling better?”

“Don’t do that,” Kelly says immediately. She doesn’t want to undermine the tenuous respect that Alara is starting to command among the crew, especially not when stress and overworking are not actually what’s ailing the young Xelayan. “It’s just . . .” How to put this in a way that won’t embarrass her young friend? “It’s being around you, to be honest. She’s kind of got a little hero-worship thing going on.” That’s essentially the truth, anyway.

Ed’s eyebrows raise in surprise.

“It’s actually really normal for young recruits to develop that kind of admiration for their commanding officers,” she says. “I mean, you remember the first captain I served under, Captain Cardaleer? I followed him around with stars in my eyes for the first six months. I actually used to take notes on all his crew-wide debriefings.”

“I see,” says Ed with understanding in his face. Too much understanding, actually; she can see at a glance that he heard all the things that she carefully didn’t say. So much for discretion. She never could hide much from Ed . . . except the affair, of course. “You mean she’s got a little bit of a–yeah, in retrospect, that actually explains a lot. So what should I do?”

“Don’t do anything,” she says immediately. “If you say anything you’ll just embarrass her. Give her a few months and it’ll wear off; she’ll find someone new to admire.” It occurs to her, not for the first time, how lucky she is to be serving under Ed; she can only imagine what her previous captain would have done with the fact that one of his young underlings was harboring a crush on him. An XO shouldn’t have to spend half her time comforting heartbroken crew members and trying to keep her captain from causing an HR nightmare.

But Ed wouldn’t do that–not with a subordinate, especially one who is so young and so new to the Union. He’s got his faults, but deep down, he’s a good guy. Always was, always will be.

Kelly goes on. “She’s smart, and a good officer; I don’t think you have to worry about getting any love letters or anything.”

He gives her that little smile of his, the one that just sort of beams at her like she’s done something wonderful, the one that used to be exclusively hers, the one that she’s never been able to resist. “If you say so, Kel. I trust you.” He grabs another of her tomatoes. “What’s the deal with that, though? I thought she’d been dating some guys on the ship. None of those worked out?”

She shrugs. “Apparently most of the guys she’s tried to date on the ship have been really put off by the fact that she’s stronger than them.” She hesitates, then adds, “I think that’s one thing Alara likes about you. You see her strength as something to be admired, not something she should be ashamed of.”

He chuckles and leans back in his chair. “I didn’t do it to get her to fall for me, but I do stand by that attitude. It’s one of the things that makes her awesome.”

Kelly laughs and rolls her eyes. “I wish more guys felt that way. And not just about strength. Some males can be really threatened by female competence.”

Ed snorts. “Which I’ve never understood What’s the appeal in being with someone who needs you to do everything for them? I always find competence sexy. I mean, that’s why I first asked you . . . out . . .” He trails off, wincing a little, and fixes his gaze on something on the wall behind her.

They’ve gotten better about not bringing up their past; some days she can pretend that they’ve never been anything except professional colleagues. It’s probably better that way. And in that spirit, she should drop this, she really should. But her mouth doesn’t listen to her brain. “Really? That was what you liked about me?”

He meets her eyes then, grinning a little shyly. “Well, yeah. You remember that hand-to-hand combat class we had? You kicked my butt; I was sore for days. And you were so good that I just thought, ‘I need to know that girl.’”

This is the most they’ve talked about their romantic history since they were trapped in that Calivon zoo. And maybe it has Ed feeling a little vulnerable too, because he clearly feels the need to break the silence with a joke. “You know, I just said something really nice about you. You should return the favor. My ego needs some stroking.”

She laughs aloud at that. “All right,” she says, and thinks back to those early days at Union Point, when she first started noticing her over-eager, over-optimistic, over-sincere classmate with the warm brown eyes. Then, ignoring the little pang in her chest: “The first thing I noticed about you . . . well, I mean, you were such a hard worker, and so smart; we all knew you’d do great things. But what I liked about you was how you wanted to believe the best of everything and everyone. You weren’t naive, you just preferred . . . to hope for the best. I’d always been so relentlessly practical, so to be around your optimism was, I don’t know. Nice.”

Optimism you took from him, says a voice in her head that she’s mostly managed to keep quiet the last few months. She hates herself for cheating because she lost Ed, but she also hates herself for cheating because she made Ed lose his way, as well as his hopeful outlook on life. And his ability to trust others, adds the voice, and she savagely tells it to shut up because if she starts down that path of self-flagellation, she’s going to be in a bad mood all day.

Ed is nodding thoughtfully. “It’s not as cool as beating people up, but I’ll take it.”

She chuckles, and he slaps his hands down on his knees in a final sort of way. “So, do nothing? That’s your advice?” She nods and he smiles. “You always have been better at solving my problems than I have,” he says–something that’s become a bit of a joke between them ever since the first time he said it, after their first mission together on the Orville.

“That’s why they pay me the big bucks,” she says–another joke between them, from long ago.

There’s that little smile again, the one that–yes, she admits it–has her heart rate subtly accelerating. “Thanks, Kel,” he says, and rises from his chair, and leaves the office.

And Kelly sits quietly at her desk, her eyes fixed on her office door, for a long time after he’s gone.

[whoamisky]

In 1621, colonists invited Massasoit, the chief of the Wampanoags, to a feast after a recent land deal. Massasoit came with ninety of his men. That meal is why we still eat a meal together in November. Celebrate it as a nation. But that one wasn’t a thanksgiving meal. It was a land-deal meal. Two years later there was another, similar meal meant to symbolize eternal friendship. Two hundred Indians dropped dead that night from an unknown poison.

Yellow highlight | Location: 401

Louise Erdrich.                

Yellow highlight | Location: 426

“I’d give away my own heart’s blood for her,” Octavio said. His own heart’s blood. That’s the way I felt about Maxine.                

Yellow highlight | Location: 600

“We don’t have time, Nephew, time has us. It holds us in its mouth like an owl holds a field mouse. We shiver. We struggle for release, and then it pecks out our eyes and intestines for sustenance and we die the death of field mice.”                

Yellow highlight | Location: 631

“There is no there there,” he says in a kind of whisper, with this goofy openmouthed smile Dene wants to punch. Dene wants to tell him he’d looked up the quote in its original context, in her Everybody’s Autobiography, and found that she was talking about how the place where she’d grown up in Oakland had changed so much, that so much development had happened there, that the there of her childhood, the there there, was gone, there was no there there anymore. Dene wants to tell him it’s what happened to Native people, he wants to explain that they’re not the same, that Dene is Native, born and raised in Oakland, from Oakland. Rob probably didn’t look any further into the quote because he’d gotten what he wanted from it. He probably used the quote at dinner parties and made other people like him feel good about taking over neighborhoods they wouldn’t have had the guts to drive through ten years ago.                

Yellow highlight | Location: 638

The quote is important to Dene. This there there. He hadn’t read Gertrude Stein beyond the quote. But for Native people in this country, all over the Americas, it’s been developed over, buried ancestral land, glass and concrete and wire and steel, unreturnable covered memory. There is no there there.                

Yellow highlight | Location: 964

Picatrix is a book of magic and astrology from the twelfth century originally written in Arabic and titled Ghāyat al-Ḥakīm, meaning “The Goal of the Wise.”                

Yellow highlight | Location: 989

There’s no reason to remember when it’s always just right there, like the way everyone used to know phone numbers by heart and now can’t even remember their own. Remembering itself is becoming old-fashioned.                

Yellow highlight | Location: 1,010

Does what we try most to avoid come after us because we paid too much attention to it with our worry?                

Yellow highlight | Location: 1,122

A Tribe Called Red.                

Yellow highlight | Location: 1,865

We are full-blood, half-breed, quadroon, eighths, sixteenths, thirty-seconds. Undoable math. Insignificant remainders.                

Yellow highlight | Location: 1,870

Native blood quantum was introduced in 1705 at the Virginia Colony. If you were at least half Native, you didn’t have the same rights as white people.                

Yellow highlight | Location: 1,874

The wound that was made when white people came and took all that they took has never healed. An unattended wound gets infected. Becomes a new kind of wound like the history of what actually happened became a new kind history. All these stories that we haven’t been telling all this time, that we haven’t been listening to, are just part of what we need to heal.                

Yellow highlight | Location: 1,902

We are Little Cloud, Littleman, Loneman, Bull Coming, Madbull, Bad Heart Bull, Jumping Bull, Bird, Birdshead, Kingbird, Magpie, Eagle, Turtle, Crow, Beaver, Youngblood, Tallman, Eastman, Hoffman, Flying Out, Has No Horse, Broken Leg, Fingernail, Left Hand, Elk                

Yellow highlight | Location: 1,904

Shoulder, White Eagle, Black Horse, Two Rivers, Goldtooth, Goodblanket, Goodbear, Bear Shield, Yellow Man, Blindman, Roanhorse, Bellymule, Ballard, Begay, Yazzie. We are Dixon, Livingston, Tsosie, Nelson, Oxendene, Harjo, Armstrong, Mills, Tallchief, Banks, Rogers, Bitsilly, Bellecourt, Means, Good Feather, Bad Feather, Little Feather, Red Feather.                

Yellow highlight | Location: 2,138

A few weeks back she found a video of Orvil powwow dancing in his room. Opal regularly checks their phones while they sleep. She looks at what pictures and videos they take, their text messages, and their browser histories. None of them have shown signs of especially worrisome depravity yet. But it’s only a matter of time. Opal believes there is a dark curiosity alive in each of us. She believes we all do precisely what we think we can get away with. The way Opal sees it, privacy is for adults. You                

Yellow highlight | Location: 3,002

He knows what the guy said is true. To cry is to waste the feeling. He needs to dance with it. Crying is for when there’s nothing else left to do.                

Yellow highlight | Location: 3,120

“Okay, so Phil lives in a nice apartment in downtown Oakland he got grandfathered into, it’s a big place with fixed rent. Phil works at Whole Foods. One day a white guy he works with, I’ll call him John, he asks Phil if he wants to hang out after work. They hang out, go to a bar, have a good time, then                

Yellow highlight | Location: 3,122

John ends up spending the night at Phil’s. The next day when Phil comes home from work, John’s still there, only he has a couple of friends over. They brought a bunch of their stuff too. Phil asks John what’s going on and John tells Phil he figured since there’s so much extra room that Phil wasn’t using, that it would be okay. Phil doesn’t like it, but he’s not one for confrontation so he lets it go. Over the next few weeks, and then months, the house fills up with squatters, hipsters, corporate tech nerds, and every kind of young white person imaginable. They’re either living in Phil’s apartment or just sort of hanging out indefinitely. Phil doesn’t understand how he let it get so out of control. Then just when he gets up the nerve to say something, to kick everyone                

Yellow highlight | Location: 3,128

out, he gets really sick. Someone had stolen his blanket, and when he asked John about it, John gave him a new blanket. Phil believes that blanket made him sick. He’s in bed for a week. By the time he comes out, things have changed. Progressed, you might say. Some of the rooms have been turned into offices. John’s running some kind of start-up out of Phil’s apartment. Phil tells John he has to go, everyone has to leave, and that Phil had never agreed to any of this. That’s when John provides some paperwork. Phil had signed something, apparently. Maybe in a fever dream. But John won’t show him the papers. Trust me, bro, John says. You don’t wanna go there. Oh and by the way, you know that spot under the stairs, John says. Spot? Phil says. That room? He means the closet under                

Yellow highlight | Location: 3,133

the stairs. Phil knows what’s coming next. Let me guess, you’re moving me to that spot under the stairs, that’s my new room, Phil says. You guessed it, John says. This is my apartment, my grandfather lived here, he passed it on to me to take care of, Phil says. It’s for my family, if anyone needs a place to stay, that’s what it’s supposed to be here for. And here John produces a gun. He points it at Phil’s face, then proceeds to walk Phil to the closet under the stairs. Told you, bro, John says. Told me what? Phil says. You should have just joined the company. We could have used someone like you, John says. You never asked me anything, you just came to my apartment and stayed here, then took over, Phil says. Whatever, bro, my record keepers have it going down differently, John                

Yellow highlight | Location: 3,138

says, and nods with his head at a couple of guys on a couch in the downstairs living room furiously typing on their Apple computers what Phil assumes is a different version of the events happening just then. Suddenly feeling very tired, and hungry, Phil retreats to his under-the-stairs closet-room. That’s it, that’s what I have so far.”

[thebuckblogimo]

The ever-changing face of America and what I make of it after all these years.

July 21, 2019

As a proud member of the gerontocracy, I’ve seen the world evolve in ways I never imagined as a child. Take, for example, the not-so-simple matter of race relations and attitudes toward skin color.

When I started school at St. Alphonsus in 1953, every kid was white. But not really white. My first big box of Crayolas included a color called “Flesh.” I remember staring at it, thinking that it did not look like the color of the skin of anyone I knew. And certainly not like that of the “colored people” (as African-Americans were known in the early ‘50s) in the Detroit neighborhood where my grandparents lived.

Crayola didn’t even try to make a crayon for them.

As I got a little older and started playing youth baseball, my team, the Bullets, occasionally played a team from the south end of Dearborn that everyone called “the Syrians.” They were a bunch of Arabic kids whose parents or grandparents actually came from Lebanon, and I recall thinking that they looked white but that most of them had better tans than the kids on my team.

By the time I was in high school during the early to mid ‘60s, the civil rights movement, led by Martin Luther King Jr., was ascending in national attention. I didn’t watch much nightly news in those days, but I was aware that Walter Cronkite of CBS, and “Huntley-Brinkley” of NBC, covered it every evening on TV.  At that point in my life I remember often hearing the words “prejudice,” “discrimination,” “segregation” and “integration,” but I don’t recall ever hearing the word “diversity.”

Actually, in my mostly blue collar neighborhood, there may have been more discussion about “nationality” than skin color during those years. The grandparents of most of my friends had all immigrated to America from somewhere else--Italy, Poland, Germany, Ireland, Scotland and Belgium. Canada, too, although we never thought of Canadians as immigrants. In any case, Dearborn was “all white.” Period. And mayor Orville Hubbard neither said nor did much to refute his separatist reputation.

When I went off to college, one of my biggest surprises was the racial--and geographic--composition of the Michigan State football team. The mid 1960s were the glory years of Spartan football and most of the best players were black and from the South. Such as All-American defensive end Bubba Smith (Beaumont, Texas); All-American wide receiver Gene Washington (LaPorte, Texas); All-American roverback George Webster (Anderson, South Carolina); and Jimmy Raye (Fayetteville, North Carolina) who became the first black quarterback from the South to win a national title. Those great ‘65 and ‘66 teams also included two Hawaiians, placekicker Dick Kenny and All-American fullback Bob Apisa who was born in American Samoa.

If you search for a photo of the 1965 Alabama football team, which shared the national championship with MSU that season, you will find that it does not include a single black face. And if you Google photos of the 1966 Notre Dame team, which shared the next year’s national title with the Spartans, it reveals just one black player--that of All-American defensive tackle Alan Page.

In my estimation, head coach Duffy Daugherty has never received sufficient credit for all the things he did to integrate college football.

By the end of my second year on campus, the civil rights movement, student protests against the war in Vietnam, worries over being drafted into the military, the emerging sexual revolution, drug use and all the cultural changes associated with the ‘60s--in music, literature, hair styles, clothing, etc.--made “crazy” feel routine.

And then on Sunday, July 23, 1967, things got even crazier.

I recall sitting with some pals at “the Canteen” at Camp Dearborn, eating a black cherry ice cream cone in the late afternoon sun, when a St. Al’s girl I had known since first grade walked up to our table and said, “Have you heard about the riot going on in Detroit?”

Riot? Detroit? What? Huh?

The next evening I drove down Warren Avenue into the city with my Dad, and I remember seeing independent business owners sitting on the steps of their stores, with rifles locked and loaded, prepared to defend their properties. The following day at the Detroit paint factory where I worked that summer, I took the staircase to the rooftop of Building 42, looked out toward the Detroit River and could see hundreds of fires dotting the cityscape. Detroit was put under curfew for four days; the National Guard, as well as two divisions of the U.S. Army, were called in to quell the disturbance; and in the end, 43 people died, over 7,000 arrests were made and 2,000 buildings were destroyed. The riot was triggered by an early-hours bust of a blind pig, but black frustration with racial inequities was at the root of it all.

Detroit has never been the same since.

I graduated from college in December of 1969, and about two months later drove across the country with my buddy Joe on an adventure to the West Coast. I was soon able to find a job as a janitor at the uber-exclusive Pacific Union (Men’s) Club at the top of Nob Hill in San Francisco. It was my first introduction to people with “yellow skin.”

I was part of a work crew that consisted of a Filipino, a Korean, a Chinese man and three white guys. The three Asians had all come to America in hopes of saving enough money to bring their families to the U.S. All three struggled with English, and I helped my Korean buddy learn the language by reading aloud the comics section of the Sunday paper, while pointing at the illustrations.

Because of the language barrier and my short time on the job, I gained few good insights into those guys and their respective cultures, other than to say I knew them as great workers.

After a couple of months, Joe and I moved on to Los Angeles, but I was feeling like a bit of loser, homesick and hungry. He found a gig as a carpenter; I soon caught a ride back home with some pals who were visiting the coast. In December of 1970 I finally landed my first big boy job as a copywriter for the Automobile Club of Michigan (AAA) at its headquarters in downtown Detroit.

It was the fulfillment of my boyhood dreams. I was writing every day about insurance, travel and auto financing services. I was being taken to lunch several times a week by art studios or the ad agency that created AAA’s radio and TV advertising. And I finally had a couple of bucks in my pocket.

But something was percolating below the surface at work. Word leaked out that the Auto Club would be moving its headquarters from downtown Detroit to Dearborn. And, suddenly, there was a concurrent realization that there was not a single black person or woman who was a department manager at the downtown headquarters or at any of the 56 Michigan AAA branch offices at that time.

Although it still felt like the ‘60s, instead of revolting, disgruntled black employees and a female employee filed separate discriminatory lawsuits against the Auto Club. The suits dragged on for years in the courts, but by the time I left the company in 1979 there were numerous blacks and many women in prominent positions at AAA throughout the state.

Meanwhile, during the early-to-mid ‘70s, the Motor City came to be known as the Murder City. Also, federally imposed school busing accelerated the flight of white people from Detroit. Nevertheless, in December of 1977, I bought my first home in an integrated Detroit neighborhood called North Rosedale Park. Thanks to an active civic association, involved block clubs, a community house for hosting neighborhood events, etc., North Rosedale worked.

However, to the south, the neighborhoods branching out from nearby Evergreen Road, and the ones north of West McNichols, had become virtually all black. I was inside a few homes in those neighborhoods only a handful of times, visiting or partying with black colleagues from work. However, I slow-cruised the streets of Northwest Detroit many times in my car, an admittedly imperfect way to try to understand what it was like to live there. I observed people who were obviously middle class, but I observed many more who appeared to be “underclass.”

For a time I was a member of a North Rosedale Park committee to help prevent neighborhood crime and was privy to a police department map with pinpoints that plotted major crimes in the 16th precinct. Car thefts. B&Es. Shootings. Murders. I could clearly see the extent of the problem throughout the precinct. Like everyone else I read about the crime throughout the city in the daily newspapers. I watched the coverage of it on TV. And I could “feel it” when I drove through the neighborhoods in my car.

I got married in 1979. And by the end of the ‘80s Debbie and I had four small children. It was time to make a big decision. Stay in Detroit and send our kids to Detroit schools, which had become dysfunctional? Drive our kids many miles to private schools in the suburbs? Or move?

In 1989, Ross Roy, the long-time downtown Detroit ad agency that I was then working for, relocated to Bloomfield Hills. And we moved even farther north to Clarkston where the public schools had an excellent reputation.

Once again I was living in a virtually all white community.

We lived in Clarkston for 20 years. As I attended local high school football and basketball games over that time, I began to notice an increasing number of black players on the mostly suburban teams in Clarkston’s league. And I recalled that when we moved out of Detroit, it wasn’t just white families that were leaving the city, many middle class black families left for the suburbs, too.

My children rarely met kids with black, brown or yellow skin in Clarkston. In fact, they rarely met kids with the kinds of last names--ending in “i” or “o” or “ski” or “wicz”--that I took for granted while growing up. But they met many such people in college and continue to do so in their respective careers. And I’m proud that they tend not to be judgmental of people with different skin colors.

After we lost our home due to an electrical fire in 2010, Debbie and I embarked on a new adventure that took us to Grand Haven in West Michigan. Heavy Dutch influence. Politically conservative. Predominantly white. During my first summer here, someone I met at a party referred to Detroit as “Detoilet.” Also, at estate sales and neighborhood functions, I was often asked whether I go to church--something I was not used to on the other side of the state. It’s a whole different vibe in West Michigan, to be sure.

We’re now into our eighth summer in Grand Haven, and even here you can see the changing face of America. There’s a family down the street whose daughter is marrying an African-American man this month. There’s a woman I know at the gym whose son married an African-American woman last month. And one day recently, a neighbor from the next street over stopped to talk while pushing a stroller and introduced me to his son’s twin boys. With their darkish skin color, dark hair and eyes, I assumed that they had an Indian or perhaps Pakistani   mother.

Such things were unheard of when I first visited Grand Haven in the early ‘70s.

I was inspired to write about what I’ve observed concerning the ever-changing face of America after shopping one evening at Westborn Market during a visit to Dearborn earlier this summer. When I walked into the store I felt as though I had entered into some sort of international marketplace. White people. Black people. Arabic people. Asian people. Indian people. The place was packed with people of color of all types. It was certainly not the “cake eaters’” market of my youth.

WHERE I COME OUT. I’ve been thinking about attitudes toward skin color since early childhood, when I first realized that there were black people who could speak Polish living on my grandparents’ block. As I look back on the past seven decades, here are five observations and my opinions about them:

Birds of a feather flock together. My grandparents lived in Polish enclaves. The Arab families I knew as a kid clustered in an area of Dearborn called “Salina.” In college, the black kids usually sat together in the grill and cafeteria. And rich people tend to reside in the same zip code. It’s a natural human tendency for people who share a common culture to congregate with their own kind. I get that. Yet I’ve always felt that if Mr. and Mrs. Cardinal desire to build their home next to Mr. and Mrs. Robin, they have every right to do so.

I was in perhaps the sixth grade when I first heard about school “busing” to achieve racial integration. Brilliant idea, thought my 12-year-old mind. But as a young man I reversed my position as I came to understand the vital importance of “neighborhood schools.” When moms and dads, no matter their color, give a serious damn about their kids’ education, they prefer to live close to their children’s schools, facilitating the parental involvement--school open houses; child progress meetings; attendance at plays, concerts and sporting events--that is so important to the successful education of their kids. Also, there were many times I ran into our children’s teachers at the bakery or Damman Hardware in Clarkston--everyday community encounters that enhanced a “connection” with their teachers. The chance of that happening with cross-district busing is far less likely. I would argue that whatever slim chance Detroit had to remain a viable major American city after the riots of ‘67 was killed by forced busing in the early-to-mid ‘70s. It caused the last of Detroit’s white middle class to say, “That’s it...we’re out of here.” Many black middle class families said the same. So, ultimately, the city was left to a population that was mostly poor and black. (Interestingly, Coleman Young, Detroit’s first black mayor, was an opponent of busing.)

No matter race, ethnicity, age or income level, most people make little effort to learn anything about the attitudes, interests or culture of the “other guy.” I’m far from being a hundred percent at it, but when I have done so the results have often been astounding. Such as the time I walked into a large Arabic market on Warren Avenue in East Dearborn a few years ago in search of the secret to making authentic Middle Eastern shawarma. When I showed sincere interest to doing so, I was escorted around the store and introduced to four or five different employees who filled my head with knowledge about Arabic spices and marinating techniques. I was the only “white person” in the store that day, but when I walked out the door I got high fives, slaps on the back, wishes of good luck--and big smiles--from every employee I encountered. I’ve had many similar experiences with black people when I’ve shown interest in their music, food, personal histories, etc. It’s amazing what you get back when you attempt to find out what the other guy is really all about. I would also add that being curious about or empathetic with “the other” should be a two-way street. If everyone--white, black, Hispanic, yellow, Arabic, native American, etc.--made small, incremental efforts to knock down the invisible barriers between us, it would be so much easier to coexist on this rapidly shrinking planet.

Diversity is infinitely more interesting than homogeneity. I could cite hundreds of personal experiences that cause me to feel this way. From listening to folk songs while sitting in a circle of Scotch people to eating kimchi with Korean folks in San Francisco. From drinking cherry-juice- infused spirytus with relatives in Poland to attempting to harmonize around the piano in a black family’s home in Toledo. From torching my tastebuds with sauteed jalapeno peppers in an authentic Mexican market in Pontiac to the youthful insights of the black North Carolina teenager who spends a part of every summer in the home across the street from us in Grand Haven. Diversity broadens horizons. Changes perspectives. Expands one’s view of the world. No matter where or with whom one ordinarily flocks, it’s highly beneficial, sez I, to get out and fly with birds of a different color.

We could really use a modern-day Henry Ford, someone with a not-yet-conceived, revolutionary new product--or process--that employs large numbers of ordinary workers and pays them a living wage to build it. That’s what Henry did when he introduced assembly line production to build the Model T and doubled the wage of his workers to $5 a day, putting them on the road to the middle class. Or maybe we need a modern-day Work Projects Administration (WPA) that employs unskilled people--and pays them enough to afford a dignified middle class life--to rebuild our roads, bridges, water lines, public transit systems, the entire U.S. infrastructure. Because I now think that racially segregated poverty persists more due to economic inequality than any other factor. There are available jobs galore in the fast food industry, tourism, hospitality, health care and more. But they’re jobs that don’t pay enough to secure a middle class life. And it is now generally accepted that the single greatest predictor of a student’s achievement and eventual economic success is household income. I used to think that education was the key to lifting up the poverty stricken-- whether black, brown, white, whatever--into the middle class. But while the American population is more educated than ever before, the canyon between rich and poor has only widened over the last 40 years.

Like everyone else, I have opinions. These have been mine about racial issues. I’ve never lived in a ghetto. I haven’t had much interplay with Hispanics. I’ve never been poor. And I claim no special expertise in matters regarding attitudes toward skin color. I’m just one guy who has been watching, thinking about these things for a very long time. I probably won’t be around to see America become a majority-minority country. I only hope that when it inevitably happens that all people of all skin colors will do a better job of negotiating those invisible barriers on that two-way street I spoke of earlier.

[itsjaybullme]

The Evolution of Jay Cutler's Training

When a 19-year-old Jay Cutler won the heavyweight class at the NPC Teen Nationals in 1993, Branch Warren took home the light-heavies and the overall. Three years later, Jay took his pro card on his first attempt at the 1996 NPC Nationals. He did it by besting a heavyweight class that included Tom Prince (second), Orville Burke (third), Bob Cicherillo (eighth), King Kamali (11th), and Bill Wilmore (13th). Willie Stalling won the light-heavyweight class and overall title that year (Dexter Jackson was sixth in Willie’s class).Bodybuilding glory didn’t come immediately for Cutler: He placed 12th in his pro debut at the 1998 Night of Champions (he would come back to win it in 2000); he was third at the 1999 Ironman Pro, and fourth at that year’s Arnold Classic (he’d win his first ASC in 2002 and take the Ironman title a year later); and in his Olympia debut in 1999, he was 14th (a year later he was eighth). But when he hit his stride, very few could hold their own against this mass monster. What Cutler might have given up to a few other competitors in aesthetics, he more than made up for with sheer mass and a seeming yardstick’s measure of width through his shoulders. Cutler’s physique literally crowded other competitors of the stage.

What a run it was. Consider a few of his many accomplishments on the bodybuilding stage: Jay has beaten two standing Mr. Olympias (Ronnie Coleman in 2007 and Dexter Jackson in 2009); he’s only the third Mr. Olympia to win the Sandow in non-consecutive years (2006–07 and then again in 2009–10); he’s the only man to regain the title the year after losing it; Cutler has won three Arnold Classics and eight other titles; and, arguably, Iron Jay should’ve won the 2001 Mr. Olympia. FLEX sat down to talk to Cutler about the evolution of his training through the years, about what changed, and what has stayed the same.

 UNLIKELY ROLE MODELS 

FLEX: How did you get started in bodybuilding?

JAY CUTLER: I joined a gym on my 18th birthday, Aug. 3rd, 1991. My sister’s boyfriend used to collect bodybuilding magazines, and I started to pick up magazines with Chris Dickerson on the cover. These were older magazines that were lying around the house. I already had a muscular physique from working in the family concrete business, so I decided I wanted to take it a little further and try to look like the guys in the magazines.

Chris Dickerson? It wouldn’t seem that the sixth man to hold the Mr. Olympia (1982) title had much in common with the physique you would bring to the stage.

I remember his calves and the muscularity. I was picking up a magazine the year he was the man. It was kind of one of those things where, OK, this is the best guy. He’s winning the shows, so that’s what I wanted to look like. What my physique turned into isn’t necessarily how it started. I was pretty muscular growing up, but I wasn’t a freak. I had pretty decent lines. Eventually I got bigger and bigger and bigger and came to be considered more of a mass bodybuilder than an aesthetic one.

I was 16 years old when I picked up Bob Paris’ book, Beyond Built. That was the first book I’d ever read that I bought from the local GNC. Bob’s book was the one that taught me to do the exercises. In 2004 I wrote a book titled CEO Muscle, and I kind of followed Bob’s book as a guideline as far as how to show the exercises and group the body parts. I still have his book in my collection.

  Click "NEXT PAGE" to continue >>

[pagebreak]

 HIGH VOLUME FROM DAY 1 

Were you a volume trainer from your teen years?

I always trained each body part once a week. Chris Aceto and Laura Creavalle took me under their wing and taught me a lot about training and nutrition. I did a lot of sets. Being younger, I could recover much quicker. There was a lot of variation and angles. I worked for the pump versus pushing heavy weight all the time.

What mistakes do you think you made as a teen bodybuilder?

I overtrained, no doubt. I did too much. Chris taught me a lot about the nutrition aspect and wrote me a six-meal-a-day diet that I posted on my refrigerator and followed exactly as the portions and the foods were listed. I think I progressed very quickly from that point because my diet was so intact. So, even though I was probably overtraining, I did pay strict attention to the diet and getting enough nutrition.

 FILLING IN THE BLANKS 

Your legs were obviously the body part that developed easiest for you. I remember a picture Steve Neece took of you as a teen in tights outside Gold’s Gym in Venice more than 20 years ago.

Legs, yeah. Of course.

Which body part(s) were toughest to get to grow?

I’d say my chest, because I was so wide and my shoulders were so big. I had to learn to get that arch when you train chest; I have a big rib cage. I had to learn to work the chest muscles instead of just pressing weights because I was very, very strong. I had to learn to contract my chest, so what I’d do is tuck my chin in and let my chest touch my chin with every rep so I could feel it contracting.

My arms were rough to grow. I had small calves compared with my quads. My back held me back against Ronnie Coleman in the early years at the Olympia, so I did a lot to improve that, a lot of T-bar rows and pullups. Really, I just always tried to improve. For a guy who I think wasn’t blessed with the best genetics to be Mr. Olympia, I think I did a good job of filling in the blanks.

  Click "NEXT PAGE" to continue >>

[pagebreak]

 TRAINING VARIETY 

Did any exercises change over time? For example, did you give up flat benching for dumbbells?

You know what? I did everything. I varied everything. It’s funny, because I did regular squats, then started squatting with my heels raised on a two-by-four. I switched back and forth between barbells and dumbbells and machines. When I turned pro, I started to use more Hammer Strength machines because those became available, but I always stuck to heavy free weights. As I started getting into the Olympias and battling Ronnie, I began to incorporate T-bar rows and front squats, walking lunges, all stuff I never did in the beginning of my career.

Did any exercise ever just not feel right to you so you avoided doing it?

You know, the squat was always my No. 1 exercise when I was younger. It seemed like as I got older it started to feel like, “whoa, this is a little too heavy.” When I was squatting 700 pounds, it got to a point where it felt like I didn’t need to be squatting 700 pounds. I became a little timid about going over four plates a side, but I didn’t have to go that heavy. I was winning the Olympia, and I never went over 405 pounds; I’d squat that for sets of 12 or 15 reps.

 NEVER AN EGO LIFTER 

Were you ever a one-rep-max kind of guy?

Never.

So you avoided ego lifting.

I always tell people I benched 550 twice, and that was the only time I ever did that. I would never try that again. Maybe because I was a great competitive bodybuilder from Day 1, I wasn’t going to risk my physique by pushing weights I didn’t need to. I didn’t think it was necessary.

A lot of guys make the mistake of thinking that intensity is equated with the amount of weight lifted.

They do and it’s bulls—. No one knows what intensity really is. To me, intensity is like having a certain mindset. The mindset that less rest time between sets is better, that the mind-muscle connection is what matters, that if you’re training with a partner you go and then he goes and then you go again. Bodybuilding is about focus and visualization. It’s boom-bang you’re in and out in 45 minutes with a body part and on your way home to eat.

A member of the general public sees you and says, how much can you lift? How do you reply to that?

I say “lots” or I laugh. In the back of my mind, I think, “Here we go again.” Of course, I’m never rude to anyone. I joke now and say sarcastically I train only on the weekends.

You or Phil don’t train like Ronnie, but then again you seem to have avoided the injuries a guy like him had.

Nah, of course I got injured toward the end of my career, but I wasn’t doing anything crazy. Phil didn’t learn from me; he’s a genetic freak who just looks at weights and grows. I trained with heavy weights to get my mass, and I don’t train that way today, which is why I’m not holding as much size. But Phil and I do train in a similar manner because we don’t want to get injured. It’s more important to train for the feel rather than to push the weights.

People would say to me, “How much do you lift?” and I’d always be able to say, “Well, at every gym I’ve trained in I’ve been able to do the heaviest dumbbells in there 10 or 12 times benching them and most of the time shoulder pressing.” When you’re at that point, how heavy do you really need to go? Do you need to start strapping weights on the calf machine? I used to strap plates on the pulldown machine, but sometimes I think about it, and it’s kind of mind-blowing I did that stuff.

  Click "NEXT PAGE" to continue >>

[pagebreak]

 THE 200-POUND DUMBBELLS 

I remember a FLEX Chris Lund photo shoot where you were pressing the 200-pound dumbbells.

Chris goaded me on. He was like, “Greg Kovacs did it,” and in my mind I was like, “I can do those.” I’d done them before. I was fresh of the Nationals wins. There were only a few of us—me, Kovacs, Cormier—willing to try to do them.

I looked at the pictures and I was like, “Oh, man, this guy is going to hurt himself just getting them into position.”

Yeah, they were very awkward because they were very long. They used the 10-pound plates back then. Later they got smart and used the 12-pound plates, made ’em a little less elongated.

 HANY RAMBOD AND FST-7 

How did you team up with Hany Rambod and what differences did his FST-7 (Fascia Stretch Training) make to your physique?

I’d been friends with him for years. Hany was in the Ronnie Coleman camp, and then when Ronnie lost, we stayed in touch. We got to talking and, after I lost in 2008, everyone was kind of writing me of. People I thought were my supporters let me down. Hany was really the only one to reach out to me in the industry. He sincerely called me a month after the show to check on me, see if I was OK. He didn’t call saying he wanted to work with me. We decided to team up. FST-7 kind of worked with how I was training anyway—the high volume. It gave me something different for my body, helped keep my body fresh and made it rounder and rounder. Which was what my comeback in 2009 was about: the roundness when I dieted down. FST-7 seemed to work very well. I don’t train to that extreme now, but I used it up until the last show I did.

How important is it to have a trainer/nutritionist/guru these days?

For me, remember, I always had one. I had Chris in my corner, then Hany, then Chris again. I found the extra set of eyes always helped. I needed the help with my diet. I always stayed in decent condition, but to get that fine tuning with the amount of calories I had to take in there were a lot of adjustments I needed. If you asked Hany or Chris now who was the hardest guy to peak, they’d probably both still say me because of the amount of food I had to eat to be as big as I was. It was always about trying to find that balance between leaning out and not going flat. I was the guy who if I depleted on 400 grams of carbs a day I would get fat. Most people would dream of eating that much on a high-carb day. My metabolism is crazy. Of course, I had a fluid retention problem being as big as I was. I always stayed at a high body weight. I’d be 290 in great condition and pretty much diet down for the show from there.

  Click "NEXT PAGE" to continue >>

[pagebreak]

 NIGHT OWL TRAINING 

You started out in Massachusetts, then California, now Vegas. Did you ever find geography affected your training?

I don’t think so. I had great success in all arenas. I stayed in Vegas because I found a home here, made investments, and the Olympia has been here (since 1999). I can own a beautiful home here and save a lot on income taxes. They also have the best gyms in the world, open 24 hours a day.

What techniques or principles worked best for you?

I did a lot of things: Pilates training, kettlebell training.

You’re known for training late at night.

There were a few reasons I trained late at night. I did it to avoid the crowds. I did it to have that mindset that I’m doing what no one else is doing. And I wanted to know when my body was going to peak at its best. At the Olympia, the pre-judging and night shows are taking place at nine or 10 at night, so I always wanted to make sure I was awake to see what my body was going to look like when I had four or five meals in me. I calibrated my body to look the best at night after I had several meals. I didn’t care about a clock. I didn’t care what day it was. It was always about what I was training and how: two days on, one day off; twice a day; four times a day. I would usually go to the gym four times a day or do two cardio sessions at home and two workouts in the gym. That’s what kept me the biggest and fullest. I ate big, and I trained big. There are no shortcuts, and there are no secrets. It was just good old-fashioned hard work and dedication.

 WORDS OF WISDOM 

You must get a lot of young bodybuilders who come up to you for advice. What do you tell them?

I say be patient and be consistent. I tell them that the diet is the major factor because none of them eat enough, none of them eat healthy enough. They read things on the Internet, but the Internet is the best and worst thing that ever happened to our business. They’ll read online that I go and eat at In-N-Out Burger, but it wasn’t like that until I became Mr. Olympia. I needed the calories to maintain the crazy size. These kids just have to take the right road and realize there are no shortcuts. I tell them they’ve got to sleep and train and get the food in. Your body is going to function on the day’s prior nutrition, so you need to pay close attention if you intend to train as hard as you plan to.

 TRAINING NOW 

What is your training like today?

I’m training five days a week. I get up and do a cardio session in the morning. I train once a day, a body part or two. I always tell everyone I eat half as much of the food I used to eat and lift half as much of the weights I used to train with. I’ll do fewer sets, maybe 12 to 14 or 15 instead of 20. I did T-bar rows yesterday, but I tend not to do as many T-bars or deadlifts. I am eating five or six meals still, but the portions are very small. I’ll eat five ounces of chicken where I used to eat 10 or 12; I’ll eat 50 grams of rice per meal where I used to eat 100. Same breakfast I’ve always eaten: egg whites and protein, oatmeal. Breakfast has always been my biggest meal. I have a shake after I train with some sugar, carbohydrates. I try to keep it as simple as possible. I’m still maintaining about 265 pounds, but I keep it lean.

 CUTLER'S CHEST WORKOUTS 

WORKOUT 1

Incline Dumbbell Press | SETS: 4 | REPS: 10

Dumbbell Flye | SETS: 4 | REPS: 10

Pec-Deck Flye | SETS: 4 | REPS: 10

Flat Bench Press | SETS: 4 | REPS: 10

Cable Crossover | SETS: 4 | REPS: 10

WORKOUT 2

Incline Dumbbell Press* | SETS: 5 | REPS: 10-12

Flat Smith Machine Press | SETS: 3 | REPS: 10-12

Incline Dummbell Flye | SETS: 3 | REPS: 10-12

Dip | SETS: 3 | REPS: 10-12

Decline Barbell Press | SETS: 3 | REPS: 10-12

Dumbbell Pullover | SETS: 3 | REPS: 12

*Includes 2 warmup sets for 10-12 reps

 FLEX 

from Bodybuilding Feed https://www.flexonline.com/training/chest/evolution-jay-cutlers-training via http://www.rssmix.com/

[itsjaybullme]

The Evolution of Jay Cutler's Training

When a 19-year-old Jay Cutler won the heavyweight class at the NPC Teen Nationals in 1993, Branch Warren took home the light-heavies and the overall. Three years later, Jay took his pro card on his first attempt at the 1996 NPC Nationals. He did it by besting a heavyweight class that included Tom Prince (second), Orville Burke (third), Bob Cicherillo (eighth), King Kamali (11th), and Bill Wilmore (13th). Willie Stalling won the light-heavyweight class and overall title that year (Dexter Jackson was sixth in Willie’s class).Bodybuilding glory didn’t come immediately for Cutler: He placed 12th in his pro debut at the 1998 Night of Champions (he would come back to win it in 2000); he was third at the 1999 Ironman Pro, and fourth at that year’s Arnold Classic (he’d win his first ASC in 2002 and take the Ironman title a year later); and in his Olympia debut in 1999, he was 14th (a year later he was eighth). But when he hit his stride, very few could hold their own against this mass monster. What Cutler might have given up to a few other competitors in aesthetics, he more than made up for with sheer mass and a seeming yardstick’s measure of width through his shoulders. Cutler’s physique literally crowded other competitors of the stage.

What a run it was. Consider a few of his many accomplishments on the bodybuilding stage: Jay has beaten two standing Mr. Olympias (Ronnie Coleman in 2007 and Dexter Jackson in 2009); he’s only the third Mr. Olympia to win the Sandow in non-consecutive years (2006–07 and then again in 2009–10); he’s the only man to regain the title the year after losing it; Cutler has won three Arnold Classics and eight other titles; and, arguably, Iron Jay should’ve won the 2001 Mr. Olympia. FLEX sat down to talk to Cutler about the evolution of his training through the years, about what changed, and what has stayed the same.

 UNLIKELY ROLE MODELS 

FLEX: How did you get started in bodybuilding?

JAY CUTLER: I joined a gym on my 18th birthday, Aug. 3rd, 1991. My sister’s boyfriend used to collect bodybuilding magazines, and I started to pick up magazines with Chris Dickerson on the cover. These were older magazines that were lying around the house. I already had a muscular physique from working in the family concrete business, so I decided I wanted to take it a little further and try to look like the guys in the magazines.

Chris Dickerson? It wouldn’t seem that the sixth man to hold the Mr. Olympia (1982) title had much in common with the physique you would bring to the stage.

I remember his calves and the muscularity. I was picking up a magazine the year he was the man. It was kind of one of those things where, OK, this is the best guy. He’s winning the shows, so that’s what I wanted to look like. What my physique turned into isn’t necessarily how it started. I was pretty muscular growing up, but I wasn’t a freak. I had pretty decent lines. Eventually I got bigger and bigger and bigger and came to be considered more of a mass bodybuilder than an aesthetic one.

I was 16 years old when I picked up Bob Paris’ book, Beyond Built. That was the first book I’d ever read that I bought from the local GNC. Bob’s book was the one that taught me to do the exercises. In 2004 I wrote a book titled CEO Muscle, and I kind of followed Bob’s book as a guideline as far as how to show the exercises and group the body parts. I still have his book in my collection.

  Click "NEXT PAGE" to continue >>

[pagebreak]

 HIGH VOLUME FROM DAY 1 

Were you a volume trainer from your teen years?

I always trained each body part once a week. Chris Aceto and Laura Creavalle took me under their wing and taught me a lot about training and nutrition. I did a lot of sets. Being younger, I could recover much quicker. There was a lot of variation and angles. I worked for the pump versus pushing heavy weight all the time.

What mistakes do you think you made as a teen bodybuilder?

I overtrained, no doubt. I did too much. Chris taught me a lot about the nutrition aspect and wrote me a six-meal-a-day diet that I posted on my refrigerator and followed exactly as the portions and the foods were listed. I think I progressed very quickly from that point because my diet was so intact. So, even though I was probably overtraining, I did pay strict attention to the diet and getting enough nutrition.

 FILLING IN THE BLANKS 

Your legs were obviously the body part that developed easiest for you. I remember a picture Steve Neece took of you as a teen in tights outside Gold’s Gym in Venice more than 20 years ago.

Legs, yeah. Of course.

Which body part(s) were toughest to get to grow?

I’d say my chest, because I was so wide and my shoulders were so big. I had to learn to get that arch when you train chest; I have a big rib cage. I had to learn to work the chest muscles instead of just pressing weights because I was very, very strong. I had to learn to contract my chest, so what I’d do is tuck my chin in and let my chest touch my chin with every rep so I could feel it contracting.

My arms were rough to grow. I had small calves compared with my quads. My back held me back against Ronnie Coleman in the early years at the Olympia, so I did a lot to improve that, a lot of T-bar rows and pullups. Really, I just always tried to improve. For a guy who I think wasn’t blessed with the best genetics to be Mr. Olympia, I think I did a good job of filling in the blanks.

  Click "NEXT PAGE" to continue >>

[pagebreak]

 TRAINING VARIETY 

Did any exercises change over time? For example, did you give up flat benching for dumbbells?

You know what? I did everything. I varied everything. It’s funny, because I did regular squats, then started squatting with my heels raised on a two-by-four. I switched back and forth between barbells and dumbbells and machines. When I turned pro, I started to use more Hammer Strength machines because those became available, but I always stuck to heavy free weights. As I started getting into the Olympias and battling Ronnie, I began to incorporate T-bar rows and front squats, walking lunges, all stuff I never did in the beginning of my career.

Did any exercise ever just not feel right to you so you avoided doing it?

You know, the squat was always my No. 1 exercise when I was younger. It seemed like as I got older it started to feel like, “whoa, this is a little too heavy.” When I was squatting 700 pounds, it got to a point where it felt like I didn’t need to be squatting 700 pounds. I became a little timid about going over four plates a side, but I didn’t have to go that heavy. I was winning the Olympia, and I never went over 405 pounds; I’d squat that for sets of 12 or 15 reps.

 NEVER AN EGO LIFTER 

Were you ever a one-rep-max kind of guy?

Never.

So you avoided ego lifting.

I always tell people I benched 550 twice, and that was the only time I ever did that. I would never try that again. Maybe because I was a great competitive bodybuilder from Day 1, I wasn’t going to risk my physique by pushing weights I didn’t need to. I didn’t think it was necessary.

A lot of guys make the mistake of thinking that intensity is equated with the amount of weight lifted.

They do and it’s bulls—. No one knows what intensity really is. To me, intensity is like having a certain mindset. The mindset that less rest time between sets is better, that the mind-muscle connection is what matters, that if you’re training with a partner you go and then he goes and then you go again. Bodybuilding is about focus and visualization. It’s boom-bang you’re in and out in 45 minutes with a body part and on your way home to eat.

A member of the general public sees you and says, how much can you lift? How do you reply to that?

I say “lots” or I laugh. In the back of my mind, I think, “Here we go again.” Of course, I’m never rude to anyone. I joke now and say sarcastically I train only on the weekends.

You or Phil don’t train like Ronnie, but then again you seem to have avoided the injuries a guy like him had.

Nah, of course I got injured toward the end of my career, but I wasn’t doing anything crazy. Phil didn’t learn from me; he’s a genetic freak who just looks at weights and grows. I trained with heavy weights to get my mass, and I don’t train that way today, which is why I’m not holding as much size. But Phil and I do train in a similar manner because we don’t want to get injured. It’s more important to train for the feel rather than to push the weights.

People would say to me, “How much do you lift?” and I’d always be able to say, “Well, at every gym I’ve trained in I’ve been able to do the heaviest dumbbells in there 10 or 12 times benching them and most of the time shoulder pressing.” When you’re at that point, how heavy do you really need to go? Do you need to start strapping weights on the calf machine? I used to strap plates on the pulldown machine, but sometimes I think about it, and it’s kind of mind-blowing I did that stuff.

  Click "NEXT PAGE" to continue >>

[pagebreak]

 THE 200-POUND DUMBBELLS 

I remember a FLEX Chris Lund photo shoot where you were pressing the 200-pound dumbbells.

Chris goaded me on. He was like, “Greg Kovacs did it,” and in my mind I was like, “I can do those.” I’d done them before. I was fresh of the Nationals wins. There were only a few of us—me, Kovacs, Cormier—willing to try to do them.

I looked at the pictures and I was like, “Oh, man, this guy is going to hurt himself just getting them into position.”

Yeah, they were very awkward because they were very long. They used the 10-pound plates back then. Later they got smart and used the 12-pound plates, made ’em a little less elongated.

 HANY RAMBOD AND FST-7 

How did you team up with Hany Rambod and what differences did his FST-7 (Fascia Stretch Training) make to your physique?

I’d been friends with him for years. Hany was in the Ronnie Coleman camp, and then when Ronnie lost, we stayed in touch. We got to talking and, after I lost in 2008, everyone was kind of writing me of. People I thought were my supporters let me down. Hany was really the only one to reach out to me in the industry. He sincerely called me a month after the show to check on me, see if I was OK. He didn’t call saying he wanted to work with me. We decided to team up. FST-7 kind of worked with how I was training anyway—the high volume. It gave me something different for my body, helped keep my body fresh and made it rounder and rounder. Which was what my comeback in 2009 was about: the roundness when I dieted down. FST-7 seemed to work very well. I don’t train to that extreme now, but I used it up until the last show I did.

How important is it to have a trainer/nutritionist/guru these days?

For me, remember, I always had one. I had Chris in my corner, then Hany, then Chris again. I found the extra set of eyes always helped. I needed the help with my diet. I always stayed in decent condition, but to get that fine tuning with the amount of calories I had to take in there were a lot of adjustments I needed. If you asked Hany or Chris now who was the hardest guy to peak, they’d probably both still say me because of the amount of food I had to eat to be as big as I was. It was always about trying to find that balance between leaning out and not going flat. I was the guy who if I depleted on 400 grams of carbs a day I would get fat. Most people would dream of eating that much on a high-carb day. My metabolism is crazy. Of course, I had a fluid retention problem being as big as I was. I always stayed at a high body weight. I’d be 290 in great condition and pretty much diet down for the show from there.

  Click "NEXT PAGE" to continue >>

[pagebreak]

 NIGHT OWL TRAINING 

You started out in Massachusetts, then California, now Vegas. Did you ever find geography affected your training?

I don’t think so. I had great success in all arenas. I stayed in Vegas because I found a home here, made investments, and the Olympia has been here (since 1999). I can own a beautiful home here and save a lot on income taxes. They also have the best gyms in the world, open 24 hours a day.

What techniques or principles worked best for you?

I did a lot of things: Pilates training, kettlebell training.

You’re known for training late at night.

There were a few reasons I trained late at night. I did it to avoid the crowds. I did it to have that mindset that I’m doing what no one else is doing. And I wanted to know when my body was going to peak at its best. At the Olympia, the pre-judging and night shows are taking place at nine or 10 at night, so I always wanted to make sure I was awake to see what my body was going to look like when I had four or five meals in me. I calibrated my body to look the best at night after I had several meals. I didn’t care about a clock. I didn’t care what day it was. It was always about what I was training and how: two days on, one day off; twice a day; four times a day. I would usually go to the gym four times a day or do two cardio sessions at home and two workouts in the gym. That’s what kept me the biggest and fullest. I ate big, and I trained big. There are no shortcuts, and there are no secrets. It was just good old-fashioned hard work and dedication.

 WORDS OF WISDOM 

You must get a lot of young bodybuilders who come up to you for advice. What do you tell them?

I say be patient and be consistent. I tell them that the diet is the major factor because none of them eat enough, none of them eat healthy enough. They read things on the Internet, but the Internet is the best and worst thing that ever happened to our business. They’ll read online that I go and eat at In-N-Out Burger, but it wasn’t like that until I became Mr. Olympia. I needed the calories to maintain the crazy size. These kids just have to take the right road and realize there are no shortcuts. I tell them they’ve got to sleep and train and get the food in. Your body is going to function on the day’s prior nutrition, so you need to pay close attention if you intend to train as hard as you plan to.

 TRAINING NOW 

What is your training like today?

I’m training five days a week. I get up and do a cardio session in the morning. I train once a day, a body part or two. I always tell everyone I eat half as much of the food I used to eat and lift half as much of the weights I used to train with. I’ll do fewer sets, maybe 12 to 14 or 15 instead of 20. I did T-bar rows yesterday, but I tend not to do as many T-bars or deadlifts. I am eating five or six meals still, but the portions are very small. I’ll eat five ounces of chicken where I used to eat 10 or 12; I’ll eat 50 grams of rice per meal where I used to eat 100. Same breakfast I’ve always eaten: egg whites and protein, oatmeal. Breakfast has always been my biggest meal. I have a shake after I train with some sugar, carbohydrates. I try to keep it as simple as possible. I’m still maintaining about 265 pounds, but I keep it lean.

 CUTLER'S CHEST WORKOUTS 

WORKOUT 1

Incline Dumbbell Press | SETS: 4 | REPS: 10

Dumbbell Flye | SETS: 4 | REPS: 10

Pec-Deck Flye | SETS: 4 | REPS: 10

Flat Bench Press | SETS: 4 | REPS: 10

Cable Crossover | SETS: 4 | REPS: 10

WORKOUT 2

Incline Dumbbell Press* | SETS: 5 | REPS: 10-12

Flat Smith Machine Press | SETS: 3 | REPS: 10-12

Incline Dummbell Flye | SETS: 3 | REPS: 10-12

Dip | SETS: 3 | REPS: 10-12

Decline Barbell Press | SETS: 3 | REPS: 10-12

Dumbbell Pullover | SETS: 3 | REPS: 12

*Includes 2 warmup sets for 10-12 reps

 FLEX 

from Bodybuilding Feed https://www.flexonline.com/training/chest/evolution-jay-cutlers-training via http://www.rssmix.com/