#I remember that fucking textbook
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Books of 2024: WELCOME TO YOUR WORLD: How the Built Environment Shapes Our Lives by Sarah Williams Goldhagen.
#books#book photography#books of 2024#welcome to your world#sarah williams goldhagen#i've stared at this caption for fourteen years and can't come up with anything reasonably concise to say lol#i like architecture as a concept!#i used to collect floor plan clippings out of newspapers when 1. we got paper newspapers and 2. that was a Section in them#my parents got me some floor plan books for my birthday one year and i still have those#i just. like architecture?? as a Thing??#but i know very little about it so. i saw this (can't remember where)#and i'm hoping it will Tell Me More!#this has been on my shelf for a few years but i think it is Time#(brought to you by: i also got an architecture book about obsolescence that i want to read soon too)#(but i feel like i should Start With Background and THEN do technical textbook lol)#anyway!#excited!! this is not a one armed bedtime read though it is so fucking DENSE and has very thick high quality glossy paper XD#lots of pictures too#it feels like a LOT of book but it's not actually that long (~300pgs)
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Fix it au where hashirama looking at his younger brother certified mad scientist no 1 and installs some fucking ethics class for jutsu creation and something so orochimaru atm uncertified mad scientist no 2 almost fails it and finally gives up on his fucked up experiments because he really wants a real fucking lab and not only the secret station in the woods he set up
#naruto#naruto shippuden#the older I get the less seriously I take canon in this anime#any deeper analysis gets thrown in the trash when nobody does anything according to common sense#for me to enjoy it I have to rewrite fucking everything in my head it’s exhausting#hashirama senju#senju tobirama#orochimaru#the second Orochimaru considers trying anything slightly dubious he remembers banging his head against the textbooks#and summons a snake because he needs someone to vent to#founders era#naruto founders#senju things
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jaw saga update: i had my follow up appointment today, dentist started out saying that usually the follow up visits only need like 15 units. and then he felt my muscles and started laughing, said to ignore everything he just said.
we ended up injecting another 60 units (same amount as the first round)
he told me i'm the first patient he's ever had who needed 120 units for TMD
#i've always been an overachiever#🙃🙃🙃#i told him i recently had a few days where i didn't have any facial pain at all#and he asked how long it had been since i last had a full day without any facial pain and i said i couldn't remember#and he just put his head in his hands 🙃#anyway i love how up until like two months ago i was like 'yeah my jaw causes near-constant pain but it's really fine'#[narrator voice] it was not fine#and that's that on having a fucked up pain tolerance from a lifetime of chronic illness bullshit!#on a lighter note he also said that i would be an excellent teaching case#because most people's musculature has some natural variation from what you see in textbooks and stuff#but apparently mine are all positioned *exactly* like the diagrams 💅🏻#cw dental#cw medical#cw needles#masseter botox
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only good thing abt the vous situation is that it lets me experience tecteun calling 13 the child that im 100% convinced she actually would bc shes the only one who uses tu for her
#what language do you think theyre actually speaking#bc like on top of all the other um disconcerting stuff abt the whole situation on that spaceship for 13#iamgine walking into that tree room and refinding that woman there and then she starts talking to you in like. this ancient gallifreyan#like old high gallifreyan hours#a language you only kinda learnt at school a couple millennia ago#im a big believer of the doctor and the master speaking gallifreyan when theyre alone i have fun with that in fic#(i dont think they speak entirely the same native language i think gallifryan is a diglossia but not the point)#but neither of them Speak old high like thats a dead language#i think 13 would drop into gallifreyan after opening in english#'hello im the doctor' in you know good old sheffield english#and then tecteun responds with 'i know' but in like....fucking latin#latin is probably not the best analogy but i dont know the history of english#old english i gues but we dont really learn that in school#anyway imagine how disconcerting#and i imagine she'd switch to gallifreyan sure but like. her modern mountain gallifreyan from lungbarrow right?#that vs tecteuns fucking classical dead textbook gallifreyan#or thats how it would feel to the doctor bc tecteun is pre-timelord. this is just her language#or....her language would be what would later become old high#so maybe she speaks to her Child as she used to actual eons ago#and to the doctor the closest this sounds like is old high gallifreyan bc she doesnt remember this language any more than tecteuns eyes#it's close-enough-sorta-dead-gallifreyan-???#so she switches to the closest shes got. which is just. lungbarrowian#tecteun trying to rewrite history and the doctor not-entirely-on-purpose re-establishing the one she has/knows/remembers#holding on to her actual history#which tecteun tries to rewrite/unwrite/dig out from under known history with this old old gallifreyan#anyway. more language thoughts of this evening
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#fuck me sorry but that post actually unlocked so many memories for me rn and i simply must get them out lmao#anyways i just wish there was a way i could tell my geography teacher how much of an impact she made on my life#it absolutely shook my world view up when we did our lesson on migration and she asked me what the positives to immigration were#me. a brown girl living in britain her whole life where all she really saw and understood was an inherent hatred for immigrants.#and so i prattled off the textbook answer- they bring people who can do labour and earn more money for the country#and shes like 'and?' and i drew a blank. i couldnt think of anything else. what else were they worthy for?#and she explains. she says music. and food. and culture. and god. im tearing up just thinking about it. like in that single moment she just#fucking changed everything for me. like yeah. yeah ppl do bring that. they make this place everything it is. they bring Life to this place.#i feel like my words are so jumbled lmao idk how else to explain it i am simply soooooooooooooooooo emo like seriously#and it wasnt after i didnt have her as a teacher i was told my one of my friends that she always gives the best student in her class a#a yellow ring binder. the rest get green. guess what one i got. LIKE IM GOING TO CRY AND NEVER STOP. and i didnt know!! i never fucking knew#i literally remember her that day when she was like ah seems im all out @ H could you follow me pls and ill get you answer one from storage#and then she gave me a yellow ring binder like. fuck me man. fuuuuuuckkkkkkkkkkk#and i think back so much because she had a scottish sounding second name but she was married. and part of me thinks maybe her parents were#polish? just from context clues. but i dont actually know. and part of me is like am i just romanticising her? i didnt actually know who she#was. all i have is these little moments and how she treated me and the fact i liked her class#and people were so rude about her btw. like thought she was a dickhead. but she wasnt. she actually wasnt she just didnt take ppls shit. :((#and now im remembering that time i didnt do my homework and my friend took my jotter from the pile AS SHE WAS MARKING THEM and brought it#to me so i could copy off her#and ngl i always thought it was funny and sneaky but now im realising she probably fucking knew and didnt say anything because she liked us#god im gonna cry#i hope youre ok out there and i hope youre happy. i hope my idea of you is correct.#*insert spongebob laying on ground meme*#le text post
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spent 4hs and R$400 to get an ultrasound done on my cat just to get home and figure out the vet asked for the wrong joint by mistake!!!! im literally on the verge of collapse!!!!!
#she wrote elbow instead of shoulder for whatever reason and i was like girl what!!!!! what!!!!!!#i only figured out bc the vet doing the ultrasound though it was strange bc the symptoms my cat has are textbook shoulder issues#and found nothing on the fucking elbow so she asked me to speak again with my main vet#and when i did she said oops i wrote that wrong sorry 😬#anyway she took full responsability and will reimburse everything but still#you'll remember that im still unemployed!!! and i only had 300 on my bank account!!! i had to borrow money from my mom!!!!#and im starting the new job next week so i simply dont know when i'll have the time to cross the city with the damn cat!!#not to mention the stress
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oughh ive spent the past three hours on biology cuz i need to finish my assignments today :P
#i mean technically im working on the chemistry portion of it rn but yk#WHY SO MUCH NUMBERS P L E A S E#istg one fucking equation has like 20 numbers in it and i have to remember what all of them mean in order to figure out what im reading#ALSO my entire textbook uses celsius which i know i need to learn anyways but i am still very unfamiliar with it so i keep having to look-#up how to convert to fahrenheit
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#it actually makes me sick like physically ill how much praise is heaped onto goyishe american leftists#people who could not point to gaza on a map six months ago. whose knowledge of middle east history comes from outdated textbooks and twitte#for being anti imperial activists and well educated anti imperialists with all the right buzzwords and all the right opinions#meanwhile nothing i say will ever be good enough bc i'm jewish and palestinians are tokenized by people who care more about appearing#like someone who Listens to Palestinians as opposed to 1) doing anything material to help them (like donating money)#and 2) not spreading obvious misinformation. something that does material damage to the cause of liberation#AND further fuels the most insidious of zionist propaganda which relies on the antisemitism of ignorant western goys#this propaganda banks on their antisemitism bc it's that fucking reliable#every white western goy that harasses jews or spreads misinfo about jews or is straight up just racist towards random israeli immigrants#ppl living in the west like running coffee shops that are now having their windows smashed bc that what? supports palestinian liberation?#makes it that much easier for actual zionist propagandists to say 'see. this was never about imperialism. they want an excuse to harm you.'#'you are only safe with us'#i grew up in a cauldron of this kind of propaganda and i was playing on hard mode i got it from the orthodox#it took years of dutiful unlearning. of wrestling with some really difficult realities. of realizing that i'd been not only lied to#but information had been deliberately kept from me to keep me from knowing the true depths of the horror happening in gaza#i did not get the luxury of starting to care about this six months ago during a concerted effort to correct the record#i had to put in the effort to unlearn two decades of propaganda given to me so young i don't remember a time when i didn't know it#and i am by far not the only jew with this experience#i have put in way more effort to care about this than every white western goy with a megaphone posting palestinian flags on IG#but none of that matters bc i am a jew and for the last 5000+ years we don't get to decide how we're discussed or how we're remembered#never mind how many jewish voices (and yes! even israeli voices!) have been supporting liberation efforts in palestine for years.#who've done an amazing job reaching more people who need help seeing through the propaganda they were raised on#i can only be a token who speaks only in protest chants or i can be an evil zionist. the anti imperial work doesn't matter.#bc anti imperial work is hard and none of them actually want to do it they just want the protest photos#anyway this is why i don't discuss this on the piss on the poor website. tbh i don't trust y'all
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I had a dream that I had found another Mark Twain song like the New Battle Hymn of the Republic
But it was written in vegetable pizza--all my favorite vegetables, mind--and I was trying to eat it... but it wouldn't all fit on my fork. And I said to my mom, "If I had to rate this song on a scale of Fuck You, 1-10, it would get an 11." And I think I was probably right
And then I tried to remember the words to the New Battle Hymn of the Republic, but I can only remember the first and the last
Mine eyes have seen the orgy of the launching of the sword
He is searching out the hidings where the strangers' wealth is stored
He has loosed his doomful lightning and with woe and death has scored
His lust is marching on /
I have read his bandit gospel writ in burnished rows of steel
As ye deal with my pretensions so with you my wrath shall deal
Let the faithless son of freedom crush the patriot with his heel
Our God is marching on!
I used to know all four verses. I used to sing them in my 20s while I was doing yard work, back in my 20s when I could still do yard work. That seems... like another life, now. In a way that makes the world tonight feel like the unfinished dream, not what I just saw
Anyway
Happy July ig
#fuck#Back in my 20s when I could still do yard work#back in my 20s when I still thought I'd be living the career I'd chosen then today#that I'd be teaching US history in a community college#and damn the textbook the school assigned#paying forward the change in direction that my cc gave me#that I'd still have publishing authority#and at least one labor history book out by now#using the acid pen Twain had given me and my mentor always let me get away with#not be fighting for the government for access to the health insurance I've paid into my entire working life#with my memory and dignity in shreds#happy disability pride month#if anybody remembers the middle two#do let me know#im disappointed that i dont#i do remember they end in#his night is marching on#and#lo greed is marching on
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I am trying to pick up Swedish again after taking four German classes in Uni…. At this rate I am creating some unholy matrimony of Germanic languages. Who next will be added to the soup
#mind you my German is also shit#put all the little conjunctions and prepositions are now sprinkled into Swedish#I’m trying to think and I just go: UND#what the fuck is UND the word I’m looking for is OCH#I am the epitome of linguist meaning NO I CANNOT SPEAK THESE LANGUAGES BUT I CAN TELL YOU FUN FACTS ABOUT THEM THAT I THINK ARE NEAT#for example I like Swedish noun paradigms#Swedish is what got me into linguistics in the first place so I am trying to reignite that live because I remember how it used to fill me#with so much love hope and purpose#maybe maybe maybe I’ll actually use all those grammar books I have#given that I can ACTUALLY read the IPA transcription#although actually I’d love to get some more textbooks that are… more linguistically inclined#I’ve been using this book: German Phonetics and Phonology; Theory and Practice by O’Brien and Fagan#for a phonetics project and … honestly I need something like that but for Swedish#it pains me how much I used to know about Swedish that I’ve just…… lost#but I’m coming back into it with more knowledge about language#and also more knowledge about Swedish typologically… so that’s useful#Irving rambles#language learning
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skipping class for the first time in my life bc my professor has covid and he sent out an email saying we’re having class and he’s asymptomatic and will wear a mask per cdc guidelines even tho he’s past the 5 day required isolation period. like. great whatevs but have you actually tested negative
update: the answer was no he had not
#stressed as FUCK#it’s fine we have a textbook and he doesn’t take roll#hoping he doesn’t do an extra credit activity but if i miss it for the sake of my health so be it#i have to go home afterwards anyway bc i have an appointment the next day with my thyroid dr#stressed abt that too bc my mum has dropped all precautions as if she isn’t in her 60s and didn’t lose her husband to covid#and idk what my sibling is doing but i know they’ve stopped masking at their practices and i wouldn’t be surprised if they stopped masking#all together. they also only wear cloth masks but at least it was something#idk i just feel like im the only one not ignoring it. like. when my dad got sick i asked him early on if he could smell and he was like#‘I’m just congested’ and my mum was like ‘no he’s just sick it’s not covid’ and then we waited until it was too late#like. i tell my mum that there’s nothing we could have done bc i don’t want her to feel guilty but like#idk. part of me thinks that if people had just listened to me and gotten him tested earlier and not lived in denial that maybe he’d still be#here. and my mum is pretty healthy but again she’s in her 60s. i don’t want to lose another parent to covid. or if she gets it and has it#bad or ends up with long covid then im gonna have to come home to take care of her or. idek. like i don’t live at home anymore so i can’t#pick up the slack if something happens to her. and my sibling definitely can’t#it’s so stressful. did we not watch the same process of my dad rapidly deteriorating. by the time we took him to the hospital he looked like#a corpse. he was completely grey and his eyes were glazed and he couldn’t even sit up or wave goodbye. has she just forgotten that happened#am i the only one who remembers watching my dad deteriorate in front of us#vent tw#covid tw
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by the way. i went to see barbie today and it was great because im off my meds and running on 3 hours of sleep so every joke is extra funny and every even slightly emotional moment made me cry. but whenever there was like a lull in the film and my mind would wander i just sat there thinking about how violet wine makes no goddamn sense like it just does not make any goddamn sense. i have always since my first read thought that violet wine makes no goddamn sense but for some reason today its hitting me like a goddamn truck
#if i remember the sadeas-with-a-cup-of-violet-wine scene right theres steam coming out of the glass#which is even worse its drunk WARM????? WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!#if navani is in fact drinking a glass of violet with her feasts is her hitting on dalinar and not taking no for an answer#is that better because it means she normally wouldnt do that and shes just living her life free of inhibitions?#or is it worse because it means dalinar is getting sexually harassed by a drunk woman which is like textbook worst situations to be in#im sorry i keep on talking about this my brain is like stuck on this#luke.txt
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I was gonna write a giant vent post but aint gonna write all that and yall aint gonna read all that so this sums it up
#anyway it mostly just how fucked ive been treated by my family#and my frustrations of being practically a hospice nurse to my dad while i was in school and then not even getting 3 days to greive him#because my mom forced me to sign up for another semester and then i fucking failed out and lost a full ride scholarship yippee#and the fact that i was isolated for over a year and a half and emotionally abused and literally growing textbook paranoid#and nobody was giving me help#anyway. its a lot more than that but oh my god. ive just never get to express it out loud and im gonna heap my fucking lid one day#because im literally not allowed to express any negative emotions otherwise i get punished#it's been a lot better lately but im still just. so mad at how i was treated and the more i remember what ive blocked out#the more unfair it gets
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gd that test went so shit :/
#sasha speaks#ughh. remember when french tests used to be easy...#the thing is like. if it was just like. vocab or grammar or whatever. or if we had a textbook to study. i'd be fine#but half the fucking battle here isn't just language competency it's SOCIAL competency#social and cultural#which is fucking hard enough for me to do in english#'pick which response on a telephone call is most appropriate' how the hell should i know that???#ughh. i hate doing poorly on tests. or feeling like i did
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a post on my dash is going 'forced to like x ship because of one of the characters despite not liking the other one' and did you know that is exactly my relationship with crowley/aziraphale gomens. crowley is literally one of my favorite characters of all time and aziraphale is a passing blip on my radar than I feel vague contempt for and yet im still like 👀😍 for ineffable husbands content because I love crowley and want him to be happy and I wanted gay love to be their endgame like it SHOULD have been. gaybait of the fucking decade. I mean probably behind spn bc spn was the reason that term was even coined, but it's def up there
#aziraphale was like. eh#in either canon tho in the show he was much more pathetic#but while I pitied him I couldn't like him#show crowley wasn't as good as book crowley but I was like ugh ill put up with this annoying angel twerp for you#god gomens was wild remember when everyone was glorifying msheen and then it turned out#he had impregnanted a woman half his age. like she was 25 she was an adult but still#dtennant never did that to us he minded his business#also all the meddling in history got very ugly very quickly#AND the one time someone put a pride flag sticker on the gomens book#IT HAS A GAY SLUR IN IT#literally it contained a joke about burning gay people alive#not that the show was better it was stereotypical and gaybaity as hell. the textbook definition in fact#fuck neilman for all of that#anyway. aziraphale. not a fan. fussy. pretentious. obnoxious. melodramatic#cor.txt
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I fucking survived Thanksgiving my god. Can’t wait to go home tomw to my weed, movies, and 5-7 pets.
#fuck that was rough#my mom is such a textbook narcissist it’s comical#until I remember that it’s why I’m Like That#personal#just hours of her talking while I might as well not even be in the room
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