#I really wish j could get an updated version of that

[peachfruitcake]

did you hear about what Martin said about Susan and Linda on the Twitter space he hosted on the 27th? i thought of you instantly when he started talking about them and have been waiting for you to post your thoughts! :-)

HEHE YES IM THE ONE WHO’S QUESTION LED TO THAT!!!!!

Now for those who didn’t listen to that space, Martin said that Linda called her to say goodbye but never specified how it went of course. Besides “hey Susan I’m leaving sorry this is really impacting my mental health” “gaaaaaaaaaaey”/j

This is all a personal headcanon but I like to think that their friendship grew incredibly distant ever since Linda married Felix, Susan probably stopped talking to her altogether for a while and it would leave Linda very confused and upset. They might’ve started talking to eachother again a little bit as the series of events began to approach but only very brief small talk, maybe Linda complaining a little and giving Susan a few life updates and them both talking about stuff they’ve been noticing with others lately (especially Felix’s drinking), but nothing deeper than that.

I see Susan being extremely emotionally closed off to most people except maybe a select few that she knows very closely, so if you were to ask her what’s going on in her life she’d give you a very vaguely watered down version and not what’s actually going on or how she’s really managing herself emotionally.

So basically she used to be more open with Linda, but during that period she sort of just started treating her like a stranger.

So when Linda called her first to tell her that she’s finally leaving, Susan acted how she usually would, keeping it calm, understanding and respectful and wishing her luck, but she won’t really show any more than that. Or that she cried later and felt pretty bad that they couldn’t be so close anymore and that she’ll probably never be able to make up for herself acting so distant for the past many years again.

Of course this all comes from how I view Susan as a character myself though and also the fact that I refuse to pass up the idea that she has feelings for Linda. I like to think that she introduced her to Felix cuz Linda was getting more desperate to find a relationship and Susan was getting weird thoughts so in a panic she shoved her off to him so she could avoid the urges. They’ve been boiling within her since highschool and she always was able to push them aside or excuse them as “she’s just my very close friend I don’t have many close friends so she feels extra special” and as the years went by they began distracting her a lot from her work and were growing stronger and more unavoidable aaand they were really beginning to affect how she’d interact with Linda and you see Susan hates feeling like another has any control over her and Linda just wouldn’t shut up about hooooow badly she wants a relationship and hoooow many dates keep failing and Susan was at the point to where she was starting to get the kind of dreams that make you stare up at the ceiling in horror when you open your eyes in the morning so one day when she overheard Felix speaking about being single and wanting to start looking around, she decided to introduce her to him. Susan allegedly never finds a problem she can’t fix in some way so that was her solution.

They hit it off, Susan’s solution isn’t working for some reason cuz she doesn’t feel any relief at all and in fact feels worse but just sucks it up and just focuses on her work and looks the other way. Linda and Felix get married, Susan feels like throwing up the entire day and now feels somehow even more worse by now and suddenly whenever Linda wants to chat she’s suddenly always “busy” every time. Susan’s often busy anyways but you know yourself when there’s a difference between “shit I’m busy that day, let’s do Sunday instead” and “Sorry I can’t, I’m busy”, “I don’t know when I’ll be available.”

While Linda and Felix were dating, Susan probably assumed that she was just jealous that she couldn’t have a little fun at her age herself. When they got married, Susan told herself that she’s probably so depressed over it cuz it’s making her feel like she’s fallen behind others her age and that maybe she feels bitter that all of these people are moving on and going through these important life stages while she remains behind. Which made no sense otherwise cuz Susan couldn’t give any less of a fuck about starting any sort of family or going out. But that’s what Susan would tell herself that she feels so she wouldn’t have to think about it any further. By the time Susan thinks she’s over whatever it was, she begins having brief talks with Linda occasionally. Not often and still a bit distant, but way better than before.

So yeah can you imagine how shitty and guilty Susan felt that whole time of her weird bitterness toward Linda being in a relationship and not being able to approach her much anymore or how Felix turned out to be such a shitty husband.

If this headcanon is aligned with twf’s canon, she’d probably be dead before she even gets to actually acknowledge and accept her feelings as they are. Such is life though. Not like she could’ve done anything about it.

[tgmsunmontue]

What to write weekend...?

Friday afternoon again, start of my weekend (although, I schedule this post, so I am usually still working when this appears). I've got my usual adulthood stuff happening over on main. It's nowhere near as interesting or fun as deciding what fics people would like me to dedicate some words towards them this weekend.

NUMBERS:

Online and Anonymous - 7/16 Hangster who are anonymous Grindr buddies for YEARS. (Tumblr post)

Sagas of Solitude 5/? - IceMav with side Hangster AU - angsty Nepo!Baby

CURRENT LETTERS:

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K... Bingo #1, Bingo #2

A) Where do I know you from? There are too many Jakes and Bradleys for Jake and Bradley to be dealing with. (Tumblr idea unspooling here...)

B) Bradshaw Twins - Hangster (Tumblr post)

C) To wake, perchance to dream - Jake wakes up in the future, gets a glimpse of what their life could be and then wakes up back right before being called back to Top Gun for the special detachment (e.g. TGM). (Tumblr post and the beginning of the fic)

D) Together or not at all... (SEQUEL) - Hangster - years after Javy/Nat get together they think their best friends (Hangman and Rooster) could maybe try dating each other. It'll either end in disaster or not.

E) Cyclone/Maverick - Cyclone is struggling to deal with being attracted to the most annoying person he's ever met. Why does he like him so much?

F) Hangster twins - quick-fic with version two from here: (Tumblr post)

G) Celebrity Chef Bradley

H) Getting to know you from the beginning - an Ice/Mav epistolary fic where Jake and Bradley matchmake them, not realising exactly who it is they've matched together.

I) Life is too short to waste time matching socks... 3/? The peach and eggplant socks as an anonymous gift as an incredibly unsubtle hint that someone would like to fuck them. (tumblr idea unspooling here...)

J) Barista Jake who cannot spell Bradley's name. (HERE)

K) Caring, Keeping and Collecting Transformers - A Guide - Transformers cross-over for help me yeagrave is 110% to blame for me adding this... (related to this post) (Prologue)

BINGO #1 - Hangster Ranch AU

BINGO #2 - IceMav Florist/Undercover Agent AU

You pick 1-3 of the above and either:

reply

Message

Send an ask (Anon is on)

with the letters/Numbers of the fic/s you wish would hurry up and get finished/posted already. (Yes, you can pick the same one three times - some of these fics are that close to getting parts/chapters finished that would be enough to tip them over, you also don't have to pick more than one).

Numbers indicate fics I am consciously working on updating/completing, and likely have a completion date in mind.

Letters are fics that are often getting completed because people ask for me to work on them through things like this. (I usually do this every weekend).

Doing this keeps me on task and makes me accountable. It stops me from procrastinating and I really appreciate people providing their numbers.

THANK YOU!

I am going to make a prediction that people will want "Online and Anonymous" and "Where Do I know you from?" more than any other of the other fics...

[cookietrains]

Some fun mechanics, I think, would be neat to add to the Killer Klowns Video Game

(This is in no way belittling the game - I think the devs get enough of that and it's so sad. These are just some cute thoughts I've had that I think would be really neat of they added these things to the game :) -also, I want to note that I have not played the game myself. I'm way too poor for not only the game but also a nice computer to play it on. No way my windows laptop that i got.. in 2017? Is gonna be able to hold the graphics. But I do watch gameplays and keep up with all the updates And I want to make it clear I love this game. )

• Adding the option (as a Klown only) to go back to the ship. Maybe to either recharge weaponry or take a cotton candy blood break idk In my head though, the thought of being inside the ship is so fun. You could interact with the other Klowns or take a relaxing dip in the ball pits ヅ I think it would be fun if we could go back to the Klown planet too,,, but little steps...even though I wanna see the Klown planet ;;

● I need to see the Game Version of Jojo / Klownzilla. If we could play as him ??!! 😩🤌 But I would love to be able to just get a sneak peek of him before we actually SEE him, y'know? Cause he's supposed to be intimidating >:I and scary

so I imagine it would go down like - The humans hear him in the woods while approaching the ship. OR - Jojo could be seen as a shadow cast on / in the ship and he's massive. ORRR - we could have a scene like the final part of the movie. We hear Jojo roaming the ship (massive footsteps and deep guttural growling throughout the Big Top) before we see him decent the ceiling on his little...puppet strings.

• I think it would be funny to have the Klowns trip on things. They're chasing a human and while they're running they're just knocking shit all over the place. BUT that's what they did in the film. They were efficient but clumsy ^^ and I love them for that

• Story mode with cutscenes but I think this is widely anticipated.

• we don't really see baby Klowns in the game, I would love to see some of the baby klowns either biting on a helpless human running by or they're crawling all around the town.

• I don't think we've seen Wesker yet..? (God, I wish they would have come up with a different name. Only bc it makes me think of Resident evil 😭 and that's a crossover I'm.. I wouldn't love it) But I think it would be fun to see Wesker and maybe his hideout. I'll bet it's just a home made of this

All his theories just ruminating off of every wall decorated in red lines and push pins. But! That would be a major lore point! 😃 maybe.. they are just theories lol

• I got this idea from Zombieland, but how fun would it be if you could play mini games (only human) while also popping Klown noses. Or ride the rides while killing klowns. There's a whole Amusement Park setting just *There* for a boat load of wonderfully chaotic ideas :3c

• speaking of wonderfully chaotic ideas - this game is also supposed to be scary (goofy silly scary, sure) we should have a part where we have to traverse the amusement park attractions (for example, the fun house or mirror maze) and have it be scary. Like, have Klowns or Popkorn just slithering / sauntering around in the shadows while they mock the player. If they catch you they can kill you~

• (a tad more nit pick towards the game) BUT WHY ARENT KLOWNS USING BALLOONS TO CATCH PEOPLE >:I and I want to see Slims car (Not the invisible one - the one that has a need for speed) OH- side note, it just occurred to me Slim has more than one vehicle... is he rich? 👀 Is Slim A Rich Klown??? Unless of course the small vroom car could also be the invisible car... just un-invisible.

• it would be cute if there were ncp klowns ? Klowns that *could* kill you if you got too close, but if you watch from a distance they're just being inquisitive about Earth. They could be looking at a mural on a building or (like said in the Lore Tapes - they could be just stood in front of a store and they can't move or look away, just staring at whatever caught their attention) I also really like the idea of Rosebud and Daisy just chilling in the background picking flowers or sumn Just being adorable

[abiiors]

a little review??? of brat?? just my silly lil thoughts really

before we start - i don't listen to hyperpop/dance music that often so this is going to be superrrrr amateur review/thoughts-sharing-thing.

my favs are marked in green

360: honestly such a good fucking opener, def see myself listening to it while i get ready to go out on like a friday evening or something. there's the something about the tune that's sooooo addictive!!

club classics: this one weirdly reminds me of her older songs?? think like boom clap or other songs off of sucker. obviously, i don't mean the entire song here, i just mean parts of it. also "i wanna dance with george"!!! iconic, cunty, a serve.

sympathy is a knife: oh this one felt so raw and real!!! def can see myself listening to it, full volume in a car at like 2 in the morning. once again george reference but booooo don't call her paranoid (/j)

i might say something stupid: yeah charli was right about being honest in this album and writing about her feelings and stuff. this one ends quite abrupt but i quite like that about it?? it feels like one paranoid spiral of "and i don't know if i belong herе anymore" only for it then to be cut off by another like upbeat song (pls understand my vibe, ik all the songs are upbeat that's the point of a hyperpop album) as it's someone drowning out their insecurities behind a "party girl" mask

talk talk: this was nice? don't have much to say about this atm like i liked it but it didn't leave an impression or anything

von dutch: cunty ass anthemmmm!!! i have been fucking obsessed with this one since it came out and it's still just as fucking amazing as it was when i first listened to it. also ik the addison scream isn't a part of this one but it's so iconic

everything is romantic: the romantic little music sequence??? oh so stunning!!!! apart from that, this was like okay?? i didn't hate it but didn't particularly love it either

rewind: oh my fucking god idk what it is about the little tape rewind sounds on this one but they're scratching my brain in the best way possible!!! i might just listen to this for those alone lmao 😭 ooohhhh and the outro on this was really good too!!!

so i: oh this one made me so sad :( SOPHIE's death was probably one of the hardest things in charli's life but this song feels like such a good fucking tribute to her. "would you like this one? (maybe just a little bit?)" referring to this song, oh charli i wish i could give you a hug :( ♡︎

girl, so confusing: "girl, it's so confusing sometimes to be a girl" - no ffr!! this was a nice song too, not one i see myself listening to on repeat but not one i might skip straight away either.

apple: pretty much same thoughts as girl, so confusing. this one has a distinct nostalgic vibe to me like idk how to explain it, it sounds like 2016 to me?? not in like a passé way, def more like a trip down the memory lane.

b2b: okay i have very biased feelings about this solely because of how fucking cuteeeeeee that george and charli photo is like she looks all fierce and cunty and he is just :)) hugging his gf :)). i def prefer the first half of this song to the second but there's like this little alien-sounding "ooOOOOoooOoo" in the background of the second half and idk why i really fuck with that

mean girls: no i love this one so much!!!! she's def talked about this before, about how girls who look like her ("dead eyes") are often considered mean girls. and this one is a whole song dedicated to them which i absolutely love

i think about it all the time: another one i'm quite ambivalent about. it's nice tho.

365: okay i love that 365 is a more hyped, more "party girl" version of 360 actually!!! love both of these songs so much!! the perfect openers and closers i think ♡︎

oh i enjoyed this album so so thoroughly!!!! i'm going to listen to it again tomorrow on my walk and see if any of my opinions have changed, if i have anything new to say etc. and i might update this.

till then thank you for coming to my silly little ted talk. i am no zane lowe but this was fun! 💚

[catholic-confession-booth-2]

preface: this is just for the sillies. it's a crackfic not serious (this is so no one comes after me)

boygenius crackfic

i tie my mid length undercut hair into a messy bun, and slip on my red converse. my green orbs slid towards my laptop and i opened tumblr with my little hands. i was a tumblr girl, after all. i opened the one direction tag and scrolled through it, so many stupid fanfics of girls getting sold to them. my horrible mom shouted at me from downstairs and i turned down my sad indie girl playlist to lisen to her screech: y/n! come downstaris, you piece of shit! i'm selling you.

i gulped. selling me? i knew her drinking problem was bad, but the idea that she'd sell me.... oh well. maybe i'd be happier somewhere else. maybe. i walk sownstairs as quick as i can, my dainty frame moving swiftly, carrying my favourite fanfics in paperback version.

i walked into the porch to see a car. a car conaining the three members of boygenius? a band my friend was obsessed with, though she's shut herself away recently due to her intense unrequited crush on a girl she'd has 3 conversations with. i rolled my eyes. i recognised phoebe bridgers, but the others? not so much. i only liseded to REALLY underground indie music.

the shorter one turned to me and smiled. hey. i'm jb. nice to meet you. i smiled at her. and your name is? oh, y/n. sorry. i could feel myself getting flustered. i looked past her into the car. oh, that's luce. she's my.... partner. in crime? i joked. oh, you listen to her music? no? jb looked confused. she decided not to say anything. i looked back at lucy in the car. can i sit in the passanger seat? sure.

i looked at lucy's platform heel press into the accelerator, i wished it was me in that moment. i blinked. was i.... gay now? i shook my head a little. i wasn't... gay. i liked men! i knew that. maybe i was bicurious?

we drove away to the BG mansion where they kept the other girls. jb put her tattooed hand on my thigh as we drove. what does.. why does it say hard work on your hands? what are your hands working so hard doing? and why is there a tooth on your wrist. are you one of those lesbians that are ino vampires?

she laughed at me. i was taken aback at her blunt reply. maybe i am. none of your busuness, unless you want it to be. ok. i said. be like that. jeez.

i looked back at phoebe, whose bleached blonde hair blew in the wind, making her look like a loser member of a boyband from the 2000s. i was.... kinda into it. i wanted to slap myself in the face. this could not be happening. what a crazy day; sold to a band only to have a gay awakening? they never do this in the oned fanfics, i grumbled.

she glared at me." i can;t believe i'm going to look after her while you two just flirt with everyone. i'm meant to be the one that does that. " i looked at her in surprise. she would be looking after me? i tried to stop glancing down at her shirt, which she was wearing without a bra. why were girls suddenly so much prettier? i tried to shake myself out of it, but when i tried to remember an attractive man, i found myself empty handed. wait. i had a boyfriend. what was his name? i know it started with a j....

i give up trying to remember. i'm leaving anyway. so, will anyone else be there? at the mansion, i mean. i don;t wanna get lonely!!

i'll probably write more soon.... do you want me to update you father??? :3

Sinner.

[lunarimagines]

MOBILE MASTERLIST

I have received many requests to update my masterlist, so here it is! As of October 18, 2020...

-----

~ = TRIGGER WARNING

* = SEXUAL CONTENT

[REDBUBBLE]

-----

Kpop

+ EXO

YOU’RE THE NEW GIRL WITH A ‘BAD GIRL’ IMAGE [VERSION 1] [VERSION 2]

THEY’RE IN THE MOOD, BUT YOU’RE ON YOUR PERIOD

THEIR GIRLFRIEND IS ANEMIC  

PLAYING WITH THEIR GIRLFRIEND’S LONG HAIR

MAKING BREAKFAST WITH YOU

JONGIN REACTION TO HIS GIRLFRIEND ALWAYS ASKING PERMISSION BEFORE INITIATING SKIN SHIP

WHAT DATING JONGIN WOULD BE LIKE

WHAT DATING SEHUN WOULD BE LIKE

WHAT DATING TAO WOULD BE LIKE

WHAT DATING LUHAN WOULD BE LIKE

WHAT BEING SCHOOLMATES WITH KAI WOULD BE LIKE

LATE NIGHT LUHAN FLUFF BLURB

BEING BEST FRIENDS WITH EXO (OT12)

WOLF!CHEN

*ONLY I CAN (KYUNGSOO SMUT)

*HOW YIXING WOULD BE IN BED

*SEX WITH BAEKHYUN

WHAT DATING BAEKHYUN WOULD BE LIKE

*WHAT SEX WITH KRIS WOULD BE LIKE

*I HAVE NO REASON TO BE JEALOUS (SEHUN SMUT)

*WHAT SEX WITH JONGIN WOULD BE LIKE

WHEN YOU CONFESS TO KAI

WHEN THE MANAGERS SUGGEST HE BREAK UP WITH YOU 

*SEX WITH CHEN

*SEX WITH KYUNGSOO

*SEX WITH LUHAN

*SEX WITH SEHUN

WOLF!KAI

*SEX WITH CHANYEOL

*SEX WITH SUHO

DATING CHANYEOL

*SEX WITH TAO

*SEX WITH XIUMIN

DATING KYUNGSOO

BEING SCHOOLMATES WITH CHANYEOL

YOU HAVE BENIGN ESSENTIAL TREMOR

WOLF!BAEKHYUN

THEY FIND OUT THEY’RE DOING A ROMANTIC BALLAD WITH YOU (THEIR CRUSH)

FLUFFY XIUMIN ONE SHOT 

~YOU’RE SELF CONSCIOUS ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT 

CUDDLING WITH SUHO AND ACCIDENTALLY WAKING HIM UP

~YOUR SELF HARM COPING NOTEBOOK

YOU’RE DATING IN SECRET AND HE KISSES YOU (UNKNOWINGLY) IN FRONT OF CAMERAS 

JEALOUS!JONGIN

MARRIED LIFE WITH CHANYEOL

CUDDLING WITH KRIS AND SEHUN

*TOUCH IT [JONGDAE SMUT]

DATING KRIS [WU YIFAN]

HUSBAND!JONGIN

SECRETADMIRER!JONGIN

CUDDLING WITH EXO

THEIR GF HAD ADD

WHAT DATING JONGDAE WOULD BE LIKE

GROWING UP WITH JONGIN

YOUR CHILD CALLS HIM DAD

YOU THINK THEY ARE CHEATING

EXO REACTION TO SEEING YOU AGAIN AFTER YOU TWO BROKE UP

WHAT DATING TAO WOULD BE LIKE

WHAT DATING SUHO WOULD BE LIKE

WHAT DATING LAY WOULD BE LIKE

YOU FAINT IN HIS ARMS [CHANYEOL ANGST]

MARRIED LIFE WITH LUHAN

THE OVERLOOK [BAD!BOY CHANYEOL]

A-Z NSFW

[JONGDAE]

TEXTING

[JONGDAE]

+  BTS

YOU TELLING THEM ‘I LOVE YOU’

S/O TRIPPING OVER NOTHING

TYPE OF TUMBLR BLOG BTS WOULD HAVE

HEARING YOU SPEAK YOUR MOTHER LANGUAGE

LOSING SOMETHING OF THEIRS WHILE IN THE CAR

DANCING AND ACCIDENTALLY BREAKING THE T.V.

WATCHING A MOVIE WITH THE OTHER MEMBERS WHEN A SEXUAL SCENE COMES ON

WAKING YOU UP IN THE MORNING

~ FINDING SELF HARM SCARS ON YOUR BODY

MOVIE NIGHT WITH JUNGKOOK

WHAT DATING RM WOULD BE LIKE

WHAT DATING JUNGKOOK WOULD BE LIKE

WHAT DATING TAEHYUNG WOULD BE LIKE

WHAT DATING YOONGI WOULD BE LIKE

BEING SCHOOLMATES WITH SUGA

* VISITING NAMJOON AT THE STUDIO

BEING BEST FRIENDS (OT7)

YOU’RE AFRAID OF DOGS

YOU WATCH THEIR EVERY MOVE AT DANCE PRACTICE

YOU HATE WHEN PEOPLE TAKE PICTURES OF YOU

YOU’RE REALLY AFRAID OF BUGS

*SEX WITH JIMIN

*SEX WITH TAEHYUNG

*SEX WITH YOONGI

*SEX WITH NAMJOON

*SEX WITH JUNGKOOK

*SEX WITH JIN

*SEX WITH J-HOPE

*DO YOU WANT ME TO TEACH YOU (JIMIN SMUT)

*WATCH ME BABYGIRL [JUNGKOOK SERIES - COMPLETE] [1] [2] [3] [4] [vmin filler] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20]

WHEN I HAD YOU [JIMIN ANGST/FLUFF]

BAKING WITH JUNGKOOK

*THEIR S/O GIVING THEM A SHOW

*THIGH RIDING YOONGI

*WOULDN’T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY [NAMJOON SUGAR DADDY SMUT]

THEIR CRUSH/BEST FRIEND IS AFFECTIONATE WHEN SICK

~THEIR TEENAGE CHILD GETS IN THEIR FIRST CAR ACCIDENT

~THEY HAVE A DREAM WHERE YOU DIE

*I HATE YOU. I LOVE YOU? [JIMIN ENEMIES-TO-LOVERS SMUT]

*PHONE SEX WITH NAMJOON

THEIR S/O IS CATCALLED 

BRINGING THEIR AMERICAN S/O TO MEET THEIR PARENTS

DATING NAMJOON BUT BEING BEST FRIENDS WITH BTS

THEIR S/O TAKES THEM TO A HAUNTED HOUSE

BEING FRIENDS WITH JUNGKOOK AND YUGYEOM 

DANCING QUEEN [HOSEOK FLUFF]

*REACTION TO YOU SAYING “TAKE ME”

BTS THINKING THEIR S/O IS CHEATING

THEIR S/O IS A PICKY EATER

*BTS REACTION TO YOU GIVING THEM A SHOW

*YOONGI FWB

BTS REACTION TO YOU SITTING ON THEIR LAP…

~IF YOU’D LET ME [JIMIN ANGST]

YOU CUDDLING THEM IN YOUR SLEEP AND SAYING “I LOVE YOU”

*YOU’RE ON

THEIR S/O GETS A LIP PIERCING

DATING YOONGI BUT BEING BEST FRIENDS WITH BTS 

*YOU “FLEXING YOUR MUSCLES” 

IF SOMEBODY HAD TOLD YOU… [JUNGKOOK FLUFF]

*I WAS KIND OF HOPING THIS COULD BE YOUR PRESENT [JUNGKOOK SMUT]

BTS REACTION TO THEIR GF BRINGING THEM LUNCH

THEIR GF IS SIMILAR TO HOBI AND HAPPENS TO BE CLOSE TO HOBI

*FACE DOWN [YOONGI SMUT]

THEIR CRUSH IS DOTING/MOTHERLY

*YOU MOAN THEIR NAME DURING SEX

*YOU WANT SEX WHILE THEY’RE WORKING

*PHONE SEX WITH YOONGI

*REVERSING ROLES [YOONGI SMUT]

JEALOUS!YOONGI

BTS REACTION TO YOU HIDING YOUR SMILE WHEN YOU LAUGH

EYE ON THE TARGET (JUNGKOOK) [1] [2]

SEOKJIN AS YOUR SUGAR DADDY

BTS REACTION TO THEIR S/O CUPPING THEIR FACE AND KISSING THEM

~BTS REACTION TO THEIR FRIEND NOT BEING COMFORTABLE WITH THEIR BODY SIZE

TEXTING

[JIN] [JIMIN] [TAEHYUNG] [SUGA] [J HOPE] [RAP MONSTER] [JUNGKOOK] BESTFRIEND!JUNGKOOK HIGHSCHOOL!BTS FUCKBOY!YOONGI

SNAPS

[TAEHYUNG]

A-Z NSFW

[JUNGKOOK] [YOONGI]

+ ATEEZ

CONDITIONALLY YOURS (Seonghwa) [1]

ATEEZ REACTION TO ANOTHER MEMBER WALKING IN ON THE TWO OF YOU MAKING OUT [1] [2]

ATEEZ REACTION TO BEING JEALOUS OF ANOTHER MEMBER GETTING CLOSE TO THEIR S/O

+ INFINITE

YOU TALK ABOUT SEX

+ BOYFRIEND

THEY ALL LOVE THE SAME GIRL

ACCEPTING AN AWARD YOU

YOU THREATENING TO FIGHT THE CEO IF THEY DON’T GET A COMEBACK

VALENTINES DAY WITH KWANGMIN

*SEX WITH DONGHYUN

+ MISS A

GOING INTO TOWN WITH YOU

+ MONSTA X

THEY ACCIDENTALLY HUG YOUR SISTER INSTEAD OF YOU

*SEX WITH MINHYUK

SINGING A BALLAD WITH THEIR CRUSH

MARRIED LIFE WITH SHOWNU

REACTION TO THEIR GF AND ANOTHER MEMBER…

BEING BEST FRIENDS WITH MONSTA X 

THEIR GF IS OLDER THAN THEM

ANNOYING THEIR MEMBERS BY SHOWING PDA WITH THEIR S/O

THEIR GF GIVES THEM A MASSAGE FOR THE FIRST TIME

*RETURN THE FAVOR [KIHYUN SMUT]

DATING IN SECRET WHEN HE ACCIDENTALLY KISSES YOU IN FRONT OF CAMERAS

*YOU SAY THEY HAVE A SMALL DICK DURING A FIGHT

WHAT DATING IM WOULD BE LIKE

TELLING HIM YOU’RE A VIRGIN BEFORE THE TWO OF YOU HAVE SEX

*HE WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE IF YOU HADN’T... [KIHYUN SMUT]

YOU HUG THEM FROM BEHIND AND ACCIDENTALLY GRAB THEIR CROTCH

MARRIED LIFE WITH JOOHEON

*SEX WITH IM

MARRIED LIFE WITH IM

*SEX WITH HYUNGWON

*SEX WITH KIHYUN

*SEX WITH JOOHEON

*SEX WITH SHOWNU

*SEX WITH WONHO

MONSTA X REACTION TO THEIR S/O HAVING AN ASTHMA ATTACK

*THIGH RIDING MONSTA X

+ GOT7

*SEX WITH JACKSON

*SEX WITH JUNIOR

*SEX WITH MARK

*SEX WITH JAEBUM

YOU WEAR THEIR SWEATER, YELL “KISS ME”, THEN RUN AWAY

*SEX WITH YUGYEOM 

LIVING WITH BESTFRIEND!JACKSON

THEIR GF HAS SWEATER PAWS

GOT7 AS FATHERS 

BEING FRIENDS WITH JUNGKOOK AND YUGYEOM 

*THEIR GF KNOWS HOW TO DEEPTHROAT

YUGYEOM DATING AN OLDER WOMAN

YOU’RE DATING MARK AND THE OTHER MEMBERS ARE JEALOUS

*SINCERELY, YOUR NEW FWB [YUGYEOM SMUT]

*REACTION TO THEIR GF WANTING TO BE SPANKED

JACKSON HAVING A CRUSH ON YOU

*I DIDN’T HAVE TIME FOR “CLASSY” [JAEBUM SMUT]

*SEX WITH YOUNGJAE

YOU’RE SICK BUT DON’T WANT TO WORRY THEM SO YOU KEEP IT A SECRET

DATING JAEBUM AND BEING BEST FRIENDS WITH GOT7

BEING BEST FRIENDS WITH GOT7

TELLING HIM YOU’RE A VIRGIN BEFORE THE TWO OF YOU HAVE SEX

*SEX WITH BAMBAM

TEXTS

BESTFRIEND!JACKSON

SNAPS

[JINYOUNG]

+ C-CLOWN (DISBANDED)

*SEX WITH ROME

DATING CHRISTIAN YU [ROME]

+RED VELVET

YOU CALL THEM YOUR BEST FRIEND

*AN OVERWHELMING FEELING [IRENE SMUT]

+ INFINITE 

*SEX WITH MYUNGSOO

TELLING HIM YOU’RE A VIRGIN BEFORE THE TWO OF YOU HAVE SEX

+ IKON

*SEX WITH HANBIN

*SEX WITH DONGHYUK

“I DIDN’T LOVE YOU” [DONGHYUK FLUFF]

*SEX WITH JUNHOE 

*SEX WITH BOBBY

+ NCT

SOULMATE!MARK

WHAT DATING LUCAS WOULD BE LIKE

STUDY DATE WITH JUNGWOO

NCT 127 + JENO REACTION TO THEIR S/O BEING 160CM

EXCUSES, EXCUSES [HAECHAN FLUFF]

NCT DREAM REACTION TO THEIR GF BEING 165-170CM TALL

~NCT DREAM REACTION TO THEIR GF BECOMING DEPRESSED BECAUSE HER PARENTS ARE GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE

TEN TRYING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION

WHAT DATING MARK WOULD BE LIKE

DATING TAEYONG

DATING JOHNNY (NCT)

FAKE TEXTS

BESTFRIEND -> BOYFRIEND MARK

WISHING MARK A HAPPY BIRTHDAY

[DONGHYUCK]

TWO WRONGS MAKE… A COUPLE? [Prince!Renjun] [1] [2]

+ F(X)

THEIR S/O HAS FIBROMYALGIA 

*SEX WITH AMBER

+ BLACKPINK

BARISTA!ROSÉ

WHAT DATING LISA WOULD BE LIKE

YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON ROSÉ

+ BLOCK B

*SEX WITH PARK KYUNG

+ DAY6

*TENDER LOVE AND AFTERCARE [BRIAN/YOUNG K SMUT]

DATING DOWOON

+ PENTAGON

WHAT DATING WOOSEOK WOULD BE LIKE

+ SHINee [NO LONGER WRITING FOR]

BEING BEST FRIENDS WITH MINHO

LIVING WITH BESTFRIEND!KIBUM

SECRETLY DATING WHEN THEY ACCIDENTALLY KISS YOU IN FRONT OF CAMERAS 

SINGING A ROMANTIC BALLAD WITH THEIR CRUSH

THEY HAVE A CRUSH ON THE SAME IDOL

BEING BEST FRIENDS WITH SHINee

THEIR REACTION TO YOU CRYING

BEING SCHOOLMATES WITH TAEMIN

GROWING UP WITH TAEMIN

YOUR CHILD CALLS HIM DAD

+ TWICE

*WHAT DATING JIHYO WOULD BE LIKE

FIRST KISSES WITH TWICE

STUCK IN TRAFFIC WITH TWICE

*SEX WITH MINA (TWICE)

+ GIRLS GENERATION [SNSD]

DATING TIFFANY

THEY FIND A GUY NAKED BY ACCIDENT

THEY FIND TAENY KISSING ROMANTICALLY

SOMEONE FLIRTS WITH THEIR SECRET GIRLFRIEND

THEIR BEST FRIEND IS HEARTBROKEN OVER A BOY

+ MAMAMOO

THEY ARE JEALOUS 

AND THEN… [MOONBYUL SMUT] [2]

+ SEVENTEEN

YOU’RE A TRAINEE UNDER PLEDIS

SUCK IT UP [JUN ANGST/FLUFF]

“IT’S TIME” [CHAN FLUFF]

*SEX WITH MINGYU

+ VIXX

THEIR GF HAS WAVY/CURLY HAIR

TELLING THEM YOU’RE A VIRGIN BEFORE THE TWO OF YOU HAVE SEX

+ ASTRO 

REACTION TO YOU SQUISHING THEIR CHEEKS

SNAPS

SANHA X CUTE

+ 2NE1

YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON CL

+ SISTAR

BEING YOUR BEST FRIEND IN SCHOOL

+ X1

GOING THROUGH A HAUNTED HOUSE WITH BF!HANGYUL

T.V. SERIES:

TWD

TELLING CARL YOU LOVE HIM

TEEN WOLF

SCOTT MCCALL

UNDERCOVER IDIOTS [PART 1] [PART 2] [PART 3]

DEREK HALE 

INDISCREET JEALOUSY

COME ON CINDERELLA

*SOLID ALIBI

I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS

DON’T DRINK THE ORANGE JUICE

THE MURDER OF THE BETRAYER [PART 1] [PART 2]

ISAAC LAHEY

I HAPPEN TO LOVE THAT ABOUT YOU

I’LL TAKE THAT CHANCE

STILES STILINSKI 

VALENTINE’S DAY

PRANK WAR

TVD

DAMAN SALVATORE

VICTORIAN ERA ROMANCE

~FINDING OUT ABOUT YOUR ANOREXIA

SUPERNATURAL

DEAN 

HUNTING HAS ITS PERKS

PROPOSING TO YOU

BLUSH

BANDS:

5SOS

BLURBS:

ASHTON IRWIN 

FRATBOY! ASHTON

CALUM HOOD 

ROUND TWO

MICHAEL CLIFFORD 

LATE NIGHT

BIRTHDAY AU MEME (AKA MY VERY FIRST IMAGINE EVER ON THIS BLOG)

LUKE HEMMINGS 

WHAT DATING LUKE WOULD BE LIKE

IMAGINES:

CALUM HOOD 

*SAVING WATER

4/4

HE FINDS OUT YOU’RE REALLY TICKLISH

1D

HARRY STYLES 

I’LL BE THOR

MOVIES:

THE OUTSIDERS

SODAPOP

~SODAPOP FINDING OUT ABOUT YOUR DEPRESSION

THE AVENGERS

THOR

BEING ABLE TO LIFT THOR’S HAMMER

YOUTUBE

BEING BEST FRIENDS WITH DAN AND PHIL

[apparitionism]

Propagator 7

It’s been quite some time since I updated this story, and if it’s mostly forgotten, so be it. But I finish everything, even if it takes years—and the enthusiasm of kind tumblr users @akittennameddaisy and @crow25 pushed me to get this update out before even more years went by. This is the ninth story in my version of Ballet AU, much history of which is detailed in this post from the instigator, @amatterofcomplication; also see @notallwonder ‘s beautiful program depicting it all. In my universe, prima ballerina Helena is spending her life with materials engineer Myka, who designs wearable items such as costumes and athletic gear. Their relationship, and various associated ones, evolved through those prior eight stories (collected as Dynamics on AO3), and Propagator (part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, and part 6) is where they are now. Forgive me the self-indulgence, but: I love this family, particularly since I had no idea at first that they would become one. Not like this. Anyway, this installment, in terms of subject matter and, particularly, initial p.o.v., is likely to make very little sense absent all the previouslies.

Propagator 7

The next day you go with Sam and Aunt Tracy to a dance studio you’ve never been to before, to meet somebody who is Sam’s friend. They don’t tell you why when you ask, but Aunt Tracy says, “I think it might be an adventure.”

You are just about as tall as Sam’s friend is—really just about, not just wishing you could be, like with almost everybody else (except you are getting closer to Sam). His name is J.J., so you ask him what the J’s stand for. “If you don’t mind saying,” you make sure to add, because Mom and Mama have both told you that sometimes you ask questions that are too personal, and that isn’t polite.

He smiles, and you get the feeling he likes that you were careful. “I don’t mind. Stands for Janjak. It’s Haitian. My mom came here from Haiti, and she named me for my grandpa.”

“I like that name. I have a friend in school and she’s J.J. too, and her name starts with Jane, which is kind of like Jan, and then Josette. Does that mean it’s Haitian?”

He says, “Well... I don’t know all the names in Haiti. Do you know all the names in England?”

It’s a funny question. “No,” you say. “Why?”

“I heard that’s where one of your moms is from.”

Oh... “Could I know all the names in England?” There are probably a lot, but that sounds like something you might—

“No,” Aunt Tracy says, like she knows exactly what you’re thinking. She’s just like Mama that way sometimes, even though they’re not related. “And please don’t try.”

Sam makes a little pfft noise. “Amateurs. I know every name in the Islamic Republic of Iran.”

You are skeptical. (Skeptical is a really important word that you learned from Mom’s assistant Claudia one time when you told her that Mom would probably think it was fine if you used the lab’s new stress-strain analyzer to test your favorite leotard and your least favorite one so you could get some empirical proof that your favorite one, the Bering one, was better, and Claudia had said it would certainly be proof of something, but she was skeptical about whether she would keep her job if she let you obtain this empirical proof, so you also learned the word obtain but it just means get so it’s less important.) “Every single one?” you ask Sam.

“Sameen,” Tracy says, like a warning, but also a little bit silly, like how she sometimes says “Junior” when you are being more of a kid than she thinks you should but she’s going to let you go ahead and be a kid.

“Yeah, that’s one of ’em,” Sam says. “If you guess the other six, you win a prize.”

You decide right then that you will google about the Islamic Republic of Iran and try to figure out the other names, because Sam is probably kidding and there’s no prize, but Sam might not be kidding and there might be a prize. Because you never know with Sam.

It turns out to be really true that you never know with Sam: because the reason you’re visiting and talking to J.J. is that Sam thinks J.J. could make it so Mama could dance. Not ballet though.

“What would she think about that?” J.J. asks you, about it not being ballet.

You know the answer to this. You look at Aunt Tracy to see what to do, because you are pretty sure she knows the answer too... she nods, so you say, “Mama would think it isn’t really dancing. But she might not say it. To be polite.”

Sam says, “Polite. Right. As if that’s ever been Senior’s—”

J.J. tells Sam to shush, and Sam makes a face but actually does shush. You look at Aunt Tracy again. Now her face is all big, like she’s as amazed as you are.

“Sounds like she wouldn’t want to hurt my feelings,” J.J. says. “That’s a good place to start. If we’re talking about dancing, though, it might have to happen anyway. Both ways.”

You don’t know about J.J., but Mama’s feelings are already so hurt. “Why would it have to?” you ask.

You hope maybe he’ll just say he’s wrong and it won’t have to after all. But instead he says, “I heard you’re in ballet. Does anybody ever hurt your feelings in class?”

In ballet, there is just one right way to do everything. Sometimes you can’t get to the right way because your legs won’t do what you want or you lose track of your hands or you get tangled in your brain. Miss Leena is always nice and says it’s okay, and you know she means it—but it doesn’t feel okay. And you look at the other kids who are doing it right and it feels even less okay. “Yes,” you tell J.J. “But mostly I hurt my own feelings.”

“Tell me why that happens.”

“Because sometimes I can’t do things right.”

He’s quiet for a minute, like he’s really thinking about your words. Eventually, he says, “Or is it that you’re doing things different? Can you show me fifth, then a demi-plié?”

You can. So you do. Like Miss Leena taught you—and it feels like a long time ago now—arms up, round; feet solid, down; feet stay down, arms stay round as you bend your knees and bring your arms low.

Now J.J. says, “What if you do it again, but this time wiggle your shoulders around, back and forth, side to side, while you sweep your arms down?”

Wiggle your shoulders in a plié? “But that’s wrong.”

“Not wrong here. Just different.”

It seems like something you shouldn’t do though. You tell that to J.J.

He nods and says, “Okay. Maybe you shouldn’t. But if your mama wants to dance now, she might have to do things she thinks she shouldn’t. Does she want to dance?”

You tell him what you told Sam. “She can’t.”

“Hm,” J.J. says. Then he asks another one of his funny questions: “Has she always danced the same way?”

“Yes?” you try, because that’s what you guess he wants the answer to be.

You guessed wrong: J.J. shakes his head. “I bet when she was your age, she danced more like you do.”

“You mean she learned. And got better.”

“Got different, anyway. Her dancing changed, with time. And so maybe now, with more time, it could change again. Because her body’s different now, right?” he asks, and you do have to agree with that, because having a hip made out of titanium is absolutely different than having a hip that’s regular bone. He says, “And bodies let us know what they can and can’t do. For example I’m strong, but my body tells me, real clear, real loud, I shouldn’t lift people bigger than me.”

“Could you lift me?” you ask, because what counts as bigger? Is it tallness? You’re just about as tall...

He looks at you, the whole of you. He says, “I’m not sure.”

You like the way J.J. says things, like he is really not kidding. It’s like Sam when she forgets to be careful. “Do you want to try?” you ask.

He smiles big, and it’s like a light turns on—on his face, in the studio, maybe everywhere. “I want to try if you want to. But only if you do.”

You nod at him.

He puts his hands at your waist. “Stay strong in your middle,” he tells you. “Arms out, legs too; don’t wobble.” He lifts you up, and there’s a first part where neither of you is balancing totally right, but then his arms straighten, and you are in the air above him, looking down, arms out, legs too, not wobbling (much), and he is looking up and asking you, “Where do we go from here?”

You expected him to tell you what should happen next, so you start to say “I don’t know”—but then you think of the videos of Uncle Liam and Mama doing the angel lift in the pas de deux in Giselle (whenever you ask anything about that ballet, everybody, even Grandpa, makes jokes about how very meaningful it was, and all they ever say to explain the jokes is that it was how Mom and Mama met each other, but that doesn’t seem like something to joke about, so you are always confused and also a little angry, and then you get angry on top of that, because Giselle is beautiful and you don’t want to have to be confused or angry about it) but anyway every time you see that lift, you sort of wish Uncle Liam would do more than just pick Mama up and set her down again, even though that’s one of the most beautiful parts but not quite as beautiful as the arabesques, so you say, “Can you turn me around in a circle?”

“I can.” He turns in the softest circle, like his feet, his bare feet, are just brushing the floor, and you move through the air just as soft, like you are lying on it to rest or even sleep. Then he turns again, this time stamping his feet, chanting a little “ha” with each stamp, and now you feel the rhythm all the way through your arms and legs, all the way out, your whole body drumming along. “Good circles?” he asks when he stops.

“Best circles! What now?”

J.J. laughs. “My arms are getting tired. Can you somersault down behind me if I lower you head first?”

“I can,” you say, trying to be as sure as J.J. was about turning you in a circle. He lets you down—and you do the somersault! By the time you stand up and turn around, he’s turned around too, and he’s nodding and clapping his hands, that same rhythm of his stamping feet, and you say what’s in your head: “I want to shout!”

“So shout!” he shouts at you.

You do: you shout back, a big “Ah!” because you and J.J. just did something new, together, without knowing what it was going to be or supposed to be, and you don’t feel totally sure that it’s dancing, but you are also feeling a little sure that maybe it is.

He asks, “So how was that?”

What’s in your head now? “It was a surprise,” you say, and that’s a surprise too, that that’s what you wanted to say.

“Could I surprise your mama?” J.J. asks. “Should I? Not with a lift—I’m sure I can’t lift her—but is surprise a good idea?”

Surprising Mama gets her attention. Almost always, and it’s almost always her good attention. Sometimes you try to surprise her just so you can get her good attention. If J.J. can surprise her into dancing... “Yes,” you say, “but only if you don’t make her do anything that hurts her except for her feelings that she might hurt for herself anyway. You wouldn’t do that, would you?” Because Mama’s pain is usually a two or a three or even sometimes a one now. Not eights. And it feels silly to think what you think next, because you probably can’t do it, but what you think is that you want to save her from eights.

J.J. says, “The safety of every person’s body matters to me. I promise.”

Those words make you feel so good. You want to ask why that matters to him, because the way he says it, it sounds like he has a real why. But the promise maybe means you don’t need to ask.

You look at Aunt Tracy and Sam. They’ve stayed quiet while you and J.J. were talking—and even while you and J.J. were maybe (probably) dancing. Sam staying quiet isn’t normal, so it means something. Aunt Tracy being quiet is very normal, but it usually means something too.

You hope it means they’re thinking what you’re thinking: that J.J. might really make it so Mama could dance.

****

The day after their beach day, Myka and Helena receive a Skype call from Tracy. She deposits Junior in front of the screen, saying, “You wanted to talk to them, so talk.”

They hadn’t made plans for a call with Junior before they left. Helena had raised the possibility of setting a time, but in a way that suggested she thought exactly what Myka did about bringing such a plan to fruition: if they had scheduled it, they both would have been waiting for it, enduring the time until it arrived. This way, it’s an unexpected treasure. Or even a reward? Or it might have ended up, depressingly, as a consolation, and Myka is relieved that that isn’t so, but on the whole she supposes her delight (and Helena’s) at the sight of Junior confirms Helena’s point: they are stereotypes, as preoccupied by their child—and as willing to let that preoccupation loom larger than other work—as any other parents.

Myka’s initial question to Junior about what’s been fun elicits a familiar cascade of barely followable information, culminating in “—and Aunt Amanda coached me at swimming and Pete said I can be disease twins with him.”

“I don’t know what that means,” Helena says, saving Myka the need to say it.

“Lice and rabies,” Junior informs her, with seriousness.

What Myka does say, to Helena, is, “What does Amanda see in him?”

“He is very kind to our daughter.”

“I didn’t ask what you see in him.”

“Do you feel some renewed need to familiarize yourelf with the attributes your swimmer finds attractive in anyone?” Helena demands.

The hauteur makes Myka want to disconnect the call and demonstrate what she does want to familiarize herself with. Instead she says, as mildly as she can, “I’d think you’d enjoy explaining in detail how far down she traded.”

Meanwhile, Junior is enthusing, “And I want to grow my hair really really long so I look like Jason Momoa so I can be Aquawoman!”

“Not the worst goal,” Myka tells her. Jason Momoa. She’s never been able to get a clear read on whether she finds Junior so irresistibly charming because she’s her child, or because Junior actually is charming. Of course any real charm, particularly as it works on Myka, is probably down to Helena’s influence anyway. “Speaking of your hair, lean down; we’re not seeing your whole face. Did you grow six inches?”

Junior looks down her body, then back up at the screen. “Not six. Maybe two. And a half.”

“Not six?” Helena asks, her tone indulgent. “Is Tracy failing to feed you?”

“We had chicken curry last night but Sam also had half a can of Pringles and the other half for breakfast today. Can I have Pringles?”

“Absolutely not,” Helena says.

“But Mama, they come in a can.”

“So does motor oil.”

Myka says, “I don’t think that’s true anymore. Not a good counterargument.”

“Well then, so does... wait, what does come in cans?”

“Tuna,” Myka offers. “Kidney beans. Tomato paste.”

“That does not help make my case against Pringles.”

“Maybe tomato paste does. Watch.” Myka raises her voice. “Hey Tracy, how do you feel about tomato paste in a can?”

“I feel like you’re trying to get me to say you might as well let her eat Pringles,” her sister shouts back, “because decent tomato paste only comes in a tube!”

“Not in our house when we were kids, you gourmet snob, and not in my house now!” To Helena, she says, “So it all depends on which kind of snob you want to be. Lots of options. Gourmet, nutrition—”

Junior interrupts, “Guess where we went today!” This is a tone Myka recognizes—also down to Helena—as “I am being paid insufficient attention.”

“What day is it?” Helena asks.

This dazzles Myka. She really doesn’t know. Together, we did that. Lost track of how the rest of the world names successive sunrises. She kisses Helena’s cheek, then turns back to Junior and asks, “Was it a class day? Was it ballet?”

“No, but we met—”

Sam literally elbows Junior out of the way, blocking her from the screen, saying, “So anyway, how’s the pineapples?”

Pineapples...? Myka is stranded. “How’s... what?”

Junior elbows her way back in. “Sam said you went there to have wild pineapples, because Mama couldn’t have them while she was doing rehab.”

A pause ensues. “Wild pineapples,” Helena then says, with an attempt at severity that Myka recognizes as barely contained hilarity.

“You know what I mean,” Sam says. “Tigers.”

She could at least have done them the courtesy of winking.

“Tigers like pineapples?” Junior asks.

Sam nods with purpose. “You bet they do. So much, they invent new ways to have pineapples. Don’t they, Senior.”

As Helena opens her mouth to answer in god only knows what way, Myka hastily says, “Junior, put your Aunt Tracy on right now.”

“She’s indisposed,” Sam says.

“Is she.”

“Busting a gut.”

“I’m fine I’m fine!” Tracy yells from wherever she is, but she’s laughing hard; Myka hears the snort. Since Tracy learned how to laugh, as an infant, she’s snorted, and Myka envies people who are singular, in whatever ways they are. Laughing: pig-snort Tracy wins, and so does donkey-honk Liam.

Helena has surrendered to laughter now too, in her non-singular way, and Myka asks, “Am I the only one who doesn’t find this funny?”

“I don’t get it either,” Junior tells her.

Myka wants to say, “Oh, I get it, Junior,” but she settles for, “You and I can find something else to get, that they won’t. Hey, what about the picture of me and my fabulous sand sculpture? Did you recognize it?”

“It looked kind of like a really thin tall castle.”

“It was a Type A indenter for a Shore durometer!” Myka is appalled at herself for being appalled that an eight-year-old doesn’t know this.

“But it was big. Indenters are tiny,” her daughter objects, and Myka is now appalled at how relieved she is by this objection, which means that Junior does know. “Anyway it was weird,” Junior finishes, petulantly. Helena-ly.

“I didn’t say it was to scale. Or maybe it was; it was looming pretty large in my mind. Once I start working on these wetsuits that I’ll tell you about when we get home, you’ll understand why. Won’t seem so weird.”

“It isn’t weird that it was an indenter! That’s normal! But you were smiling! On the beach! That’s even weirder than tigers liking pineapples! Why is everything so weird right now?”

Her vexed little face, as she tries to parse it all out... Myka would take pity on her, but honestly having any kind of “talk” over Skype, as it relates to pineapples, tigers, and Myka’s own renewed so-in-love-with-my-wife giddiness (Junior’s right: who is this person who smiles on a beach?), is more than a little beyond her. Despite the fact that she is clearly the only adult in either of these Skype-linked spaces. She settles for saying, “Nothing’s as weird as pineapples. Trust me.”

Once the call ends—thank goodness, and Myka could never have imagined the circumstances under which it would seem such a comedic mercy not to talk to their child, but this has been an unusual succession of sunrises—she says to Helena, “Wild pineapples. That we’re having.”

“In Ms. Shaw’s defense, though it pains me to contribute to any such thing, she wasn’t wrong.” Helena smirks. “Tiger.”

“Do you primas ever think about anything else?”

“What is your preferred answer, tiger?”

“How is it that you can get more impossible? And don’t try to get around me by calling me ‘tiger’ again.”

“Why not?” She’s about to say it; Myka can hear it tensing in her mouth, waiting to pounce.

“Because it’ll work,” Myka concedes.

Helena doesn’t say it. But her eyes dance with it as she advances on Myka... and that works just as well.

****

Sam understands that she can’t strangle this kid—if she did, several situations would all at once get very fucked up. However. “What did I tell you right before?” she demands. “What did I tell you?”

“To keep it a secret,” Junior says.

“And what did you chassé your way real close to not doing?”

“Keeping it a secret.” The kid at least winces as she says it.

“See? You do get it. Don’t play dumb with me, kid.”

“I’m not playing dumb! I just almost made a mistake, and you make those too. For example when you almost let Pas De out the door and into the hallway yesterday!”

Sam tries to shrug that off (though the kid has an annoying ability to make a point) with, “The cat wants its freedom. Maybe. Probably. I like dogs. Why don’t you have a dog?”

“Because I wanted a cat. Also Mama said no pygmy goats.”

“Ah,” Sam says, but... goats? “Sure. Logical next step.”

“If you like dogs so much, maybe you should get a dog.”

“Maybe she shouldn’t,” Tracy says from the kitchen, and Sam knows a warning when she hears one.

“Aunt Tracy, you should,” Junior says. “Then Sam would want to be here all the time, and that’s what you want too.”

“But I’d have a dog,” Tracy says, and Sam knows a shudder of dismay when she hears that, too.

Junior shrieks, “But also Sam!”

“No guarantees, Berings,” Sam tries to tell them.

“I’m a Bering-Wells,” says Junior. With that tone.

“And I don’t want a dog,” says Tracy, in exactly the same tone.

Sam gives up. She doesn’t say it out loud, but it’s there in her head: she gives up. What exactly the contours might be of what she’s giving up—that, she’s not so sure of.

****

Some time after the call from home, Myka and Helena go to the beach again—an excursion not lengthy, but sufficient. Helena relaxes under the delicate, attenuated evening light, so different from both the propulsive sunrise and the fierce, insistently cheerful afternoon shine.

“Do you need to sculpt again?” she asks Myka.

Myka leans to the sand, takes up a handful, tests it in her fingers. She then discards it, as if its grains have failed to measure up to the prior material. “I’d just make another indenter. Probably bigger, to make Junior think even harder about the scale.”

“You can’t wait to get to work on those wetsuits,” Helena says, because she knows her wife.

“I kind of can’t. Because I think the polyethylene—”

Helena, so lately thankful to know that she knows her wife, kisses Myka just as the overexplanation hits its on-ramp.

Instead they walk. Helena walks well. Sand is a challenge, but this evening she walks on it well.

When they return to the room, Helena runs a hand up Myka’s arm and asks, “Do you want to?” She’s tired but not too tired. Asking seems right.

Myka seems to appreciate the ask, saying “We don’t have to,” and adding, with a soft kiss as they reach the bed, toward which they have seemingly naturally moved, “we don’t even have to try.”

And they both, Helena knows, feel that as a relief. Decisions like this, now, aren’t decisions.

As they simply lie quiet together, relaxing in the post-decision dusk, Myka says, “You know, I’ve never minded managing you. It’s been my job to manage you. And maybe I’ll miss that if it goes away. Maybe I was already missing that.”

“You can manage me as much as you like,” Helena assures her. Reassures her.

“But what if there’s nothing to manage.”

“I think we both know that’s unlikely to ever be the case,” Helena says, another conscious attempt to reassure. “But... perhaps the stakes can be lower.”

Myka gives her a heartbeat of a pause. Then: “That doesn’t sound so bad,” she reassures back.

“Were we estranged?” Helena ventures, thought she knows the answer. She knows the answer, but she wants to know that Myka knows it—wants her to say it out loud. To get the taste out.

“Yes,” Myka says, with a accompanying nod. Helena is glad to feel it. Myka then says, “In a very literal sense.”

“A very bad literal sense,” Helena says.

Now she feels a chuckle. “You sounded just like Junior.”

“Isn’t it that she sounds like me? I’ve heard she’s my daughter.”

“And don’t you forget it,” Myka says. It’s not a clearing of that slate. This child, this reason. Helena knows she will most likely be unable to keep herself from stabbing with it again, for fights stay the same... but their impact can be, she knows, more or less palpable.

Myka obviously feels the tension, the knowledge, as it inhabits and does not leave Helena’s body. “We will make this work,” she says, with force.

And while Helena is persuaded of that, she needs yet more honesty. “How angry with me have you been? And how angry are you still? Please tell me the truth.”

Myka makes her wait. Helena of course has no morally justified ground from which to hurry her answer. Myka at last says, “I was always more scared than angry.”

“Your sister was right. Change, and how we’ve dealt with it. Or haven’t.”

“And it’s your body. And I can’t even understand it.”

Helena burrows against Myka’s arm. The slightly sunburnt skin of her deltoid is a radiant comfort. “I want to go home,” she sighs out. It is not what she expected to say.

“You are home,” Myka says, tightening her arms around Helena.

“You make a very fine metaphorical point. But I still want to go home.” As she says it again, it’s even more true.

“And leave this tropical paradise?”

“Which you hate,” Helena points out.

“Seriously, were you testing me?”

“I don’t know the real answer to that.”

Another chuckle, one that gladdens Helena. “Fair enough. Look, I’ll change the tickets if you want me to, but I might make you sign an affidavit to the effect that I did not agitate for this.” She pauses. “But you’re right. I think. We’ve done what we came here to do... and I miss her too.”

“You are beautiful and a mind reader.”

“So anyway, we’d better try to have that sex after all, even if it’s rote. Be noisy, make the most of this last Hawaiian night. And then I’ll deal with your strange ticket-changing request that isn’t at all what I also want.”

“It certainly doesn’t matter anymore that it’s Hawaiian, if it ever did. We truly could be anywhere.”

“Anywhere with a sunrise. And a Japanese breakfast,” Myka says.

“Yes. Tamagoyaki making my moral failings far more clear than, say... is there something typical of breakfast in Kansas City?”

“I bet it involves bacon.”

“My moral failings are many, but can you illustrate them with bacon?”

“Don’t they do everything with bacon now? Coat it with chocolate, make it into jam, cookies, pasta... illustrating moral failings doesn’t seem like a stretch. So maybe we just needed a breakfast. Oh, and a bed. You’ve got moral failings; I’ve got decrepitude. I’ve obviously also got moral failings, but I refuse to do anything on the floor anymore.”

“That’s just a challenge. Or it would be, if I could do anything at all on the floor other than fall onto it.”

“Don’t do that. Let’s acknowledge that our floor days are behind us. They were nice days, some of them, but—”

“Some of them?”

Myka’s loop of a smile against Helena’s cheek is perfect, as are her words: “I love that you’re predictable about that, prima.”

That they can make the most of it. They don’t, not quite. But that they want to and can try to and can laugh about not quite doing so... this is what they came here to remember: that even “not quite” is making the most of something.

TBC

[imagines-r-s]

sticking it

chapter 9 

a/n: idk why this chapter took so long, but here it is. for reference - in gymnastics, US Championships are the last meet before Olympic Trials, they’re a two day competition. any feedback is welcome. i’m kinda upset that this series (or at least this part) is almost done, but there is more to come with this series i promise. also had to repost bc it wasn’t showing up in the tags 

taglist: @butgilinsky @barbienoturbby @sunsetholland @lovenhlboys @sortagaysortahigh @hockey-racing-fubol @oopsiedoopsie23 @iwantahockeyhimbo @dreamsndior @itsurgirlgracie @heartshapedkissxs @lwstuff @handwrittenheroes

warnings: uh, i don’t think there’s anything, but if i miss something just let me know (the jamie mentioned is jamie oleksiak, not j b*nn)

sticking it masterlist

wc: 5.8

(not my gif)

“Are you sure that you have everything?” Joel asked for the twentieth time in the past hour, “we can run back to yours if you need anything else”

“I feel like you’re just trying to get me to stay with you longer,” you said, skeptically.

“Is it working?”

“No, Bee, I have to leave at some point,”  you said, putting another bag of yours in his car,”I won’t be gone long.”

“Yeah, but you’ll be closer to the Stars and that has me worried,” he said, causing you to chuckle. 

“You worried about Seggy? Or Roope? Or Big Rig? Or Mi-”

“Okay, I get it.”

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it, I love you and only you, shawty. Besides, I can only tolerate Texas weather for so long,” you said, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek.

“I love you, too, shawty,” he paused,”Wait,- that was rude.”

After packing the last of your bags into the car, you made your way to the airport to meet Marcus and Michelle. Once you arrived at the airport, Joel parked the car before the two of you headed into the airport. The four of you caught up for a while before Marcus suggested giving you and Joel time to say goodbye. 

“Is this how it feels when me and the guys leave for the road?” Joel asked, softly. 

“Yeah,” you said, smiling sadly. 

“Well, good thing I’m the one on the road all the time, I mean, I don’t like leaving you, but when I’m leaving it’s a different feeling, you know.”

“Well glad it makes you happy, buddy.”

“Did you just buddy me?” Joel asked, incredulously. 

“Did I?” you asked, laughing as Joel gasped in shock.

“Wow, I see how it is. I’ll remember that.”

“Go ahead, babe. Remember it however you want,” you paused when you saw the sad look on his face, reaching to hold his face in your hands, “hey, I’m only a text away, I might not be right here, but I will answer as soon as I can and we’ll facetime as much as you want these next few days.”

Joel nodded before looking up and seeing Marcus and Michelle headed your way, “we hate to cut this short, but we have to get going pretty soon.”

“I know I asked, but do you really have to go?”

“Yeah, Bee, I really have to go.”

“You better kick ass out there or else you’re just leaving for nothing,” he said, jokingly, “but honestly, I wish you the best of luck - I know you don’t need it, but I’ll say it anyway. Make sure to tell Nicole I said good luck and please make sure to wipe that smug look off Kathryn's face. Okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” you said, wrapping your arms around him as he pressed kiss to the top of your head. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too, but if you don’t go, the only thing you’ll be missing is your flight.”

“Wow, Bee, you are so funny.” 

“Well, one of us has to be the funny one in the relationship. Your mom jokes only get you so far far in life, babe,” he said, causing you to elbow him in the stomach. 

“I’m leaving now. I love you and I will text you when I land,” you leaned up for a quick goodbye kiss before grabbing your carry-on bag and heading to your gate. You avoided looking back, knowing that if you did, both of you wouldn’t let the other leave. 

“I think you chose a good one,” Marcus said once the three of you had sat down. 

“What?” you asked, shocked. 

“Joel. He seems like a good guy. He clearly cares about you and I can see that you care a lot about him, too. He clearly makes you happy,” Marcus added. 

Heat rushed up your face, to which you simply looked out the window, “yeah, he’s a good guy.”

“A cute one, too,” Michelle interrupted. 

“Yes, that too. But Michelle, you better lay off,” the three of you laughed as the flight attendants started to announce the safety procedures for your flight. The three of you did your own thing the rest of the flight: Marcus planning out how podium training would go, Michelle analyzing your routines, and you sleeping.

“Alright, so as soon as we land, we get luggage and go to our hotel. There is a small media event tomorrow morning before podium training, then podium training, then probably some more media. You will have the rest of the night to do whatever, I know you’ll probably go see your Dallas friends and that’s fine, just make it back in time. Then, Friday is the first day of competition, Saturday is the second day, then we have some free time Sunday,” Marcus read off to you, even with you half asleep. 

“Sounds lovely,” you grumbled. 

…..

“So, y/n, with your injury being a top priority, how different have practices been since you are still somewhat in recovery?” one of the journalists asked. You had stayed prepared for a multitude of questions having to do with your injury, so this question had an easy response.

“I would say, it’s definitely a totally new experience. I’ve had to tailor my focus to other aspects of this sport since the start of my recovery, whether that be drills, more conditioning, or changing up my routines. My team and I definitely have figured out what things work and what doesn’t and we continue to learn as I continue training,” you answered, swiftly. 

“Now obviously, you were the highest scorer in most of your competitions, even before your injury, how has competition changed for you? And what has inspired you to train harder?” another journalist asked. 

“I have to say, competition is slightly more nerve-wracking than before. I mean getting injured at a major competition definitely changes perspective for all aspects of it. I feel that I have to be more cautious when performing, whereas before I would just go with the motions. Something that’s inspired me has been that my competitors have continued training, I have a fair amount of competition - all of which are excellent athletes - which has helped motivate me a lot, but I also have an amazing support system back home who have made sure to give me that extra motivation when I need it,” you smiled. 

“Now, having to deal with that support system at home, who and how have they influenced your decisions of your journey through recovery?” which was the first question that made you smile. 

“Well first, a huge shoutout to my family, especially my cousin, Kevin. Without his support, I wouldn’t have ever tried to get back in the gym, he’s been there this whole time and I couldn’t be more grateful. Um, my coaches were so supportive of my comeback; my physical trainor, Adrian, who told me all the doctors were wrong and gave me the reality checks I needed; the whole Philadelphia Flyers roster and their families cheered me on the whole time, especially my boyfriend, Joel Farabee. My friends, my teammates, all of them pushed me where I needed to be,” you said, gratefully. 

“Thank you for your time, y/n. We wish you the best of luck this weekend,” the main announcer said to you before you went off to podium training. 

Marcus and Michelle had both told you only to warm up simplified versions of your routine, so that you could bring shock factor when you were actually performing. You had upgraded almost all of your tumbling back to where it was before injury, but no one needed to know that besides you and those in your gym. Podium training had gone very well, better than you had anticipated, so you were looking forward to how championships would go. 

As you packed up your gym bag and grabbed your phone, you saw all the messages you had from the Flyers group chat you had somehow found your way to. 

Bee: did you guys see that too?

Tiki Bar: if we are talking about the same thing, i think we did.

Patti Lapone: did she actually say nice things about us?

Kev: i really think the texas heat is getting to her already

G: she’s probably just feeling under the weather about competition, otherwise we might want to check if she is okay

Scotty: i think i misheard or i got hit in the head and didn’t realize it

Frosty: hell has frozen over

Bee: haha. frost. frozen. get it

Tiki Bar: beezer. 

G: i’ll make you do laps if you make another frost joke

Laughing at the texts in the group chat in reaction to your interview, you simply typed up a simple response: this is what i get when i’m nice, now you know why i’m not like this all the time. 

Luckily for you, you didn’t have to do any media after podium training, so you were able to leave whenever you wanted to. After checking with Marcus and Michelle, you made sure it was alright that you went off to go see Tyler and the rest of the guys. Assuming that they would be at practice, after changing out of your leo, you took the drive to the Stars practice facility.

Having come to Fort Worth so much for gymnastics and Dallas for a few hockey games, you had run into some of the Stars roster on multiple occasions. By the third time you had ran into them, and this time ran into was a very literal statement, you had exchanged social medias and most of the roster kept an eye out for any updates in your gymnastics career. During your recovery, the whole team constantly asked for updates about how you were and how gymnastics was going. 

Once you parked, you quietly made your way inside - not wanting to interrupt the practice. There were a few officials walking around, but most either paid you no mind or recognized you from times before you had been here. Walking towards the rink, your eyes settled on the boys doing laps for the last part of practice. It wasn’t until most of the guys were only talking and about to get off the ice that they noticed you. 

Tyler was the first to notice you, smiling and waving towards you, which caused most of the team to follow where he was looking and notice you. As the team headed to the locker room to change, you simply waited on one of the benches for them.

“I feel like you only came all this way to see my dogs,” Tyler said, making his way towards you. 

“No, I would never do such a thing, I obviously came here to say hi to you,” you stood up to give him a hug. 

“Mhm, whatever you say. Didn’t you have podium training today? How’d it go?”

“Well, it went pretty well actually. I did a few of my dismounts, but kept most of my landings safe just to be careful. But other than that everything went well.”

“As long as you kick ass tomorrow, I’m fine,” he said, honestly, “do you have anything else to do for the rest of the day or did you just come to say hi?”

“Well, I have no plans for the rest of the day, but I don’t want to intrude on any team plans.”

“You know you would never be intruding on anything with us, even if you are dating a Flyer,” Jamie O said from behind you. 

“God, Jamie, what the fuck? Where’d you come from?”

“Your mom’s house,” he said, earning a fist bump from Tyler. 

“I can’t even be upset, that was a good one,” you smiled as Jamie hugged you,”and don’t bring Joel into this.”

“My condolences.”

“Condolences? No one died?” you questioned.

“You are dating someone that plays for the Flyers,” Tyler said. 

“Damn, that’s harsh,” you replied. 

“Anyways, moving on. Me and a few other guys were coming over to mine for lunch and to hangout, if you want to come you are welcome to,” Tyler said to which you simply nodded. 

“Is that who I think it is?” another familiar voice rang out, causing you to whip your head around to see Roope and Jake heading your way. 

“Well, if you thought it was me, then you would be correct, my friend,” you retaliated. 

“I’m surprised they let you in here, considering you are dating a Flyer,” Otter said, jokingly. 

“Quit bringing the fact that I’m dating Bee into the conversation.”

“At least Nicole is in the safe zone,” Roope said, causing your eyes to widen, “y/n. What was that?”

“What was what?” you questioned as Roope simply narrowed his eyes.

“You did the thing.”

“What are you talking about, bestie?” 

“Oh, you have a habit of your face changing when you know something that will ruin the whole perspective or something or if you know a secret that will change the entire story. Very entertaining and concerning that you didn’t know,” Tyler added. 

“Um, well, didn’t expect to be psychoanalyzed by a bunch of hockey players today, but here we are.”

“Ok, I think we should head to mine and then, we can continue psychoanalyzing you,” Tyler suggested to which you all agreed. Roope, who had gotten a ride from Tyler in the morning, immediately hopped into your car as soon as you unlocked it. 

“What’s up with Nicole?” he asked as soon as you started driving. 

“What happened to hello? How are you?” you joked. 

“Listen, I’m asking now because I don’t want to talk about this with the guys there. But what did you mean?” he said, causing you to take a deep breath. It wasn’t like Roope and Nicole were ever together, but it was always an unspoken fling of sorts, that they never made official. 

“Look,-”

“Please, just tell me what’s happening,” he pleaded.

“Nicole and Nolan are sort of together,” you rushed out, causing a moment of silence to break out. You didn’t know what to expect as a reaction, considering they weren’t official and hadn’t really talked since the last time you and her were in Texas.

“Is she happy?” 

“Yeah, she’s happy.”

“Okay, that’s all I care about,” he said simply, which made your heart almost break for one of your closest friends. 

…..

Being able to spend time with some of your close friends that you hadn’t seen in a while was just what you needed to destress about championships. Maybe an intense game of uno with five of the most competitive people was exactly what some might call a destressor, but here you were. 

Tyler threw down his cards as he stood up dramatically, “no, because there is no way that a.) she already has an uno and that b.) all of you used your draw two cards against me.”

“Don’t be upset, Ty, that’s just how the game of uno is sometimes,” you replied, hiding a laugh. 

“Oh, shut up. I think you guys cheated,” Tyler accused. 

“I think you just don’t know how to play uno,” Jamie mumbled.

“Oh, yeah, real funny. I think you all teamed up against me and Jake dealt that way on purpose.”

“And we all think, you just can’t accept a loss in uno,” Roope added. 

“Fine, let’s settle this like men,” Tyler grabbed all the cards, attempting to shuffle them before accepting he couldn’t shuffle and handing them over to you to shuffle, “I’m watching you.”

“Oh, wow, so scared,” quickly shuffling them, doing a little bit more than usual to get Tyler off your case, you handed them back to him, “there you go.”

Another final round of uno, which ended up with you and Roope head to head as far as who would win, while Tyler had ended up with at least 15 cards to which Jamie was the first to speak up, “I think we should end here before someone gets hurt.”

“No, no, we’re fine. It’s fine. y/n, take your turn,” he said, eyes narrowing as he watched from beside you. Even if it was your last card, you dropped the draw 4, which made Tyler draw more cards. 

“Damn, that sucks,” you said, hiding a laugh. 

“What was that, y/n?” Tyler said.

“I said, damn, that sucks,” you repeated, watching Tyler closely as he stood up quickly once again, before practically chasing you. “Tyler, it’s just uno. Stop chasing me.”

“Oh, wow, ‘damn, that sucks’” Tyler mocked. 

As the other three watched, Jamie just grabbed the bowl of popcorn as they watched their friends running around chasing each other. “I see why we don’t play uno much,” Jake said. 

“Yep. Exactly. But no one listened when I advised against it,” Jamie said, taking a drink of his beer. 

“Tyler, watch yourself,” you said, as he stood on the opposite side of the couch. He started running one way, as you ran the other to avoid him, but he quickly sidestepped and caught up to you. Practically throwing you over his shoulder, he made his way out to the pool, “Tyler, let’s not do anything crazy here.”

“Oh, you mean like hold a draw four card until the end of the game,” Tyler said, as he tossed you into the deep end of his pool. 

“Children. Literal children,” Roope said, shaking his head, going to grab you a towel. 

Rising up from the water and quickly moving the hair out of your face, you swam over to where Tyler was, “hey, can you help me out?”

“Nah, I’m not falling for that one,” he stated. 

“Seriously, I won’t do anything right now, I promise,” you said, as you saw him reach his arm out to which you quickly grabbed and stood out of the pool. Walking towards Roope, who had grabbed you a towel, you turned back around to see Tyler still walking near the pool. Using this to your advantage, you ran and pushed Tyler into the pool. “Sorry, bestie,” you said, running to get the towel from Roope and running back in the house. 

After getting changed into one of Tyler’s extra shirts he had lying around, you were just hanging out with the guys when a familiar contact flashed on the screen to FaceTime, Jake who was right next to you immediately noticed, “ooh, better go talk to your man, y/n.”

“Shut the literal fuck up,” you called back, standing up to go the kitchen for privacy. Answering, you noticed that Joel was at Nolan and Kevin’s apartment, “were you that lonely without me, babe?”

“No, well maybe, but I’m helping them set up for the watch party tomorrow,” Joel said, taking a seat at their kitchen island, “how’d podium training go?”

“It went really well actually, I didn’t work the 3.5 just so that way I have something over their heads, you know. But other than that, it was all good. How are things at home?”

“Well, I mean no one is dead, which is always good. Um, debated getting a dog, my mom called, I told her about you. Uh, already told you about the watch party. I don’t think anything else interesting happened,” he said, shrugging as if he hadn’t just mentioned bringing you up to his mom. 

“Wait, you told your mom about me?”

“Well, she does follow me on Instagram, so after seeing the post she texted me asking and then she asked while we were on the phone. She wished you good luck, by the way. She’s  also visiting here with my dad in a few weeks and I’d really love it if you would meet them,” he said, shyly.

“Uh, yeah, yeah, of course,” you rushed out, hoping you didn’t sound as nervous as you were. 

“That sounded very unsure.”

“No, it’s fine. I just have never been at the spot in a relationship where I meet the parents, I’m just nervous. I don’t want to mess it up.”

“Babe, my mom already loves you, she was getting on my case about not telling her, but she already thinks very highly of you and I definitely hyped you up a little bit. You have nothing to worry about,” he reassured you, which made you smile. 

“Hey, y/n/n,” Kevin yelled. 

“Hey, Kev.”

“You were very nice in your interview today, it had all of us worried,” Kevin said, which caused you to roll your eyes in response. 

“Hey, I can be nice sometimes.”

“On very rare occasions, yes,” Joel added. 

“Whatever.” As you talked a little while longer with the guys, eventually Roope and Tyler had come in to say hi to everyone as well, which had you dying laughing as both of them gave the ‘you hurt her, we fly to Philly and hurt you’ talk that almost everyone had given him. 

Telling Joel you would call him back whenever you made it back to your hotel, you stayed with the guys for another couple of hours before heading back to your hotel. Nicole had spent most of the day after podium training resting and had met you in the hotel lobby when you got back.  

“So,- “ she didn’t even have to finish her sentence before you knew what she was saying. 

“Roope is doing good, he said he hopes things are going well,” you said, watching as a small smile crept up her face. 

“Well, good to know. Did you know KD is also staying at this hotel?”

“Well, considering this is the host hotel and most competitors are here, I am not all that shocked.”

“Yeah, but you probably didn’t know she’s legit a few rooms away from us, did ya?”

“No, guess not,” you said, “how’d you find that one out?”

“Well, let me set the scene for you. I go to get ice and then I hear her talking with, uh, whatever her name is, Callie or Carly, it starts with a C. Anyways, they were talking about you and me and how our skills have been less than recently and all this stuff about you not catching up to where you were - which I found so fucking funny because who has won gold at the past few meets? Not her. Anyways, all is fair in the sport of gymnastics, but I’m just excited to see her reaction to you doing the 3.5.”

“Damn, no pressure there, Nic.”

“Okay, but the thing is, you have the skill,” Nicole said, as you got into the elevator. “You have it down. It’s all up here, in your cranium,” she said, pointing to your head. 

“Alright, let’s just go to bed now,” you said, slowly removing her hand and opening the door to your hotel room. 

…..

“Hello everyone and welcome to Day One of the 2021 US Gymnastics Championships. We are very excited to see how today’s competition goes as this competition will decide who makes it onto the National Team and who will qualify for Olympic Trials,” Joel heard the announcer say as he made his way to sit with everyone in the living room. 

“Did you talk to her this morning?” Claude asked from beside him. 

“Yeah, usual pre-comp anxieties. Nolan talked to her and Nicole to give the usual pep talk and then we talked for a while on their way to the arena,” Joel answered, looking back to the TV to see you prepping for bars, “she said podium training went well, but Kathryn was talking shit, so all I know is she better kick her ass.”

“You know she will, it happens everytime. She gets in her head and still does amazing, just a casual Tuesday,” Scott added. 

“It’s not Tuesday?” Travis questioned.

“Yes, I know,” Scott said, confusing everyone. 

“Alright, moving on,” Joel reiterated. 

“And starting on bars, we have y/n y/l/n. Now if you remember, less than a year ago, y/n was injured at another competition doing a beam dismount that she might be competing in today’s competition. She is definitely one to watch as she has a reputation of scoring high in these meets, before and after her return. Her teammate, Nicole Carter, will be following up.”

Joel watched as you stepped away from the chalk box to start your routine, he watched intently as you jumped from the springboard to reach the high bar. He watched intently as you went through your routine. Release skills. Giants. Pirouettes. More release skills. More giants. Dismount. Stuck landing. 

“A great start to Day 1 for y/n, who seems pretty proud of how that routine went,” the announcer said, “rotation two will be beam, where we might see that 3.5 twist, which is currently in the process of being named by Kathryn Davis, who was the first to compete it at a major competition. Now the question everyone is wondering is will we see this skill from y/n today?”

“She’s doing it. Fucking dumbass,” Joel grumbled at the announcer. 

“Damn, Beezer, tell them how you really feel,” Travis replied, as everyone else laughed at Joel’s behavior before watching Nicole compete. Nicole’s routine ended with a stuck landing, the camera following her as she made her way off the platform and hugged you before the two of you did your secret handshake.

Knowing the next event was beam, Joel waited as other competitors did their routines as you were warming up. He knew this moment would make or break how the rest of the meet went and with this only being your second event, it needed to go well. 

Everyone watched anxiously as you saluted the judges, shaking your hands out before you reached to mount the beam. You took a deep breath before actually starting your routine. Starting the beginning choreography, you kept your movements sharp and clean. All the skills in your routine were sharp - doing this so if the dismount didn’t go well, it hopefully wouldn’t affect your score too much. 

Joel had memorized your routines, knowing you were approaching your dismount, he saw your movements become slightly hesitant. Watching as you did a quick pivot on the beam to prep for the dismount, he watched you take a deep breath. 

“C’mon, babe. You got it,” he said, and by whatever power was listening he watched your lips twitch up to a smile as you started your dismount. Going for the round-off and starting the twists, you did the three and a half twists, opening up to find your landing, and stuck your dismount. Joel’s smile grew even more when he saw how happy you were with your routine.

The rest of Day 1 of Championships went well for both you and Nicole; the two of you ending in the first and place spot in all around, with Kathryn following close behind. After the competition, both of you had your media conferences before you made your way back to the hotel. As both of you checked your phone, you saw the multiple notifications from various social medias.

“Dude, did you see what Ryanne posted?” Nicole asked, a look on her face that you couldn’t easily recognize. 

“No, hold on,” you opened Instagram to see she had tagged you in multiple posts on her instagram story: starting off with a picture of all the guys wearing a jersey with your and Nicole’s name on it, a picture of all the guys watching warms ups intently, a video of Joel and Travis debating the name of a skill from Nicole’s routine (Travis was right), a video of Joel watching you do your beam routine and cheering you on right as you go for your dismount, and then a video of everyone cheering as you and Nicole as they announced the end of day 1.

…..

After falling asleep with Joel on FaceTime, you woke up to your 6am alarm to get ready for Day 2 of championship, Joel - who had told you he would wake up with you - was still sound asleep. Getting you and Nicole an apple from the lobby, you talked to a few of your competitors and a few fans before heading back to yours and Nicole’s room. 

“Wake up, bitch, it’s Day 2 of Championships,” you said, jumping to lay next to Nicole on her bed.

“Leave me to die here, I don’t want to go. USAG can suck a homeless man’s dick,” she mumbled into the pillow. 

“That’s truly something, wait til the media teams hear about that one,” you joked, only to get a glare sent your way. 

“You know what? You can suck on one, too,” she responded, pulling the blanket over her head. 

“Well at least, there's less competition,” to which she quickly peaked out of the blanket.

“Oh, you wish. We’re neck and neck this time, so we’ll see who gets bragging rights.”

“Well if you don’t get out of bed, then we’ll never know,” you said, to which she only sent a glare your way. 

“Do we really have to get up and compete today? Do you think we could petition to reschedule?”

“I mean, I’m sure if we talked to people, we’d get a lot of signatures, but I don’t think it would go over well,” you said, grabbing your garment bag that held your leo for today, “I’m going to go get ready because I know if we end up talking to Joel and Nolan first, we won’t be ready in time.”

After you got ready, both you and Nicole got your pep talk from Nolan and Bee. On the way to the arena, both of you got a bunch of good luck messages - not just from your friends and family, but also from teammates and even some from most of the Stars roster. You had a feeling in your gut that today would be a good day. 

….. 

“Alright folks, Day 2 of Championships have been off to a great start and are about to come to a close. With Nicole Carter in first with a 57.605 All-Around score and Kathryn Davis in second with a 57.1, Cassie Riley in third with a 56.2, it comes down to the final rotations. y/n y/l/n is one of the last to go on floor today, who will need a score of at least a 13.5 to get first,” the announcer said. 

“And compared to her average score, this will be easily attainable. If she scores at least a 14.5, she’ll be first overall for both days of competition. She already has a for sure spot at Trials, even when you don’t consider scores. As long as she is able to hit all elements of this routine, she’ll be fine,” another announcer said. 

“Ok, you’re good, you just have to hit this routine and there’s no doubt you’ll make it to where you want to be. Deep breaths, Twinkle Toes,” Marcus said. 

Walking up the platform to get up to the floor, you took your spot at the edge of the floor, ready to salute the judge, and get the last meet of championships out of the way. After anxiously waiting, the judge finally saluted. Entering the floor with a determined walk, you took your spot waiting for the familiar sound of your floor music to ring out.

That familiar feeling of doing the sport you loved, once again, rushed through your veins. Block everything out and complete the routine, that’s all you had to do. Going to your starting pose, the music started. Going through the familiar motions of your routine, you stuck your first tumbling pass. Then came the leaps and jump sequence and all that was in between, with the additional three tumbling passes. 

You didn’t give yourself a chance to overthink about your routine, you knew that it wouldn’t benefit you in any way, but as you stepped off the floor you knew that you did what you could. As soon as you made it back to where Marcus and Nicole were sitting, you waited to see what your score was. 

Joel and everyone watching at home watched as you sat down to see what your score was. He had this dopey grin gracing his features from the amount of pride he felt in that moment. He didn’t care what your score was, he knew you had put whatever you could out on the mat. He listened to Travis for a moment until the announcer started up again for scores and awards, “and y/n y/l/n pulled through with the score that she needed, a 14.9 on floor. She placed first in All-Around, Carter following right behind, and Davis in third. If all goes this well at trials, I’d say we have a lot of good representation for the Olympic Games.”

…..

After the meet and countless amount of interviews both you and Nicole were extremely worn out and had both passed out on the flight back. As you and Nicole stepped out of the terminal, you were met with the familiar faces of your friends and family. You smiled as you saw Bee for the first time in a few days and despite how tired you were, you couldn’t stop yourself from running to him. 

He immediately caught you and did the cliche spin (the one you swore you would never do) before pulling you into a regular hug, “I’m so proud of you, babe. You have no idea.”

“Thank you. I surprisingly missed you,” you joked, laughing harder when Joel pulled you away slightly to catch a glimpse of your face. 

“Wow, aren’t I glad I was blessed with such a nice girlfriend? It’s crazy.”

“Absolutely insane.”

“Preposterous.”

“Can the two of you shut the fuck up?” Kevin asked, coming over to give you a hug, “you did good out there, y/n/n. You also kept all your bones intact, I’m proud.”

“Shut the fuck up, Kev.”

“Okay, aside from you getting onto Kev and Bee, I missed you, too,” Karly said from beside Travis. 

“I kinda did, too. You did amazing though, y/n/n. I’m proud,” Travis said. 

“Thank you, thank you. All in a hard day's work,” you said, shrugging. 

“Dude, you might want to go back to Beezer, he looks like a lost puppy watching you talk to us,” Travis pointed out, nodding in Joel’s direction who smiled when you caught his eye. 

“Yeah, not a shocking development,” you said, before walking back in Joel’s direction, “hey, Bee.”

“Hey, honey,” he said, wrapping his arms around you again, “you ready to go home?”

“Yeah, of course,” you leaned up to kiss his cheek. 

“Ew, guys. Get a room,” Kevin called out, fake gagging. 

[jeonjk0504]

why didn’t you say anything about the racism bts have faced these past days :(

Hey anon!

I actually haven‘t been online here because of the racism debate. I was on twitter and was supporting it there on two accounts nonstop! if you want to follow me, my @ is also jeonjk0504 :)

You are completely right though, i should have spoken up on my platform here sooner, to educate my followers on this really important matter!

If i make mistakes or should word things differently, please let me know, as you can tell i‘m not native.

The short version:

Credits to @ squishykosmos (twt)!

What happened?

3 days ago, the german radio host Matthias Mattuschik from the station Bayern3 spew racist remarks about BTS because of their MTV Unplugged cover of coldplay. He is a fanboy of coldplay and only wanted to introduce their song ‚Fix you‘ but somehow it was necessary to explain to his listeners why it was an utter insult that BTS had an MTV unplugged concert (he called it paradox, because it‘s a boyband) where they were allowed to cover his favorite song. Coldplay allowed the cover by the way and even commented on it positively.

Here are two links from his original rant, translated in english:

https://twitter.com/bts_updates_ger/status/1365211269133971458?s=21 (Part 1)

https://twitter.com/atinystrawbery/status/1365052883771785219?s=21 (Part 2)

As a german i know that to other people our language sounds quite agressive in general, but this is a whole different level. This isn‘t said in a jokingly way, it‘s pure hatred.

He called BTS a virus against which hopefully there will be a vaccine soon, that their cover of coldplay is blasphemy and that they are little pisser who should get a 20-year vacation in North Korea. Considering the rising violence against Asians all over the world because of Covid, his speech is extremely harmful and normalizes hate against Asians apart from the fact that it was racism in it’s purest form. Why the wish for a South Korean Group to have vacation in the North Korean dictatorship is inhumane and racist, i hopefully don‘t have to explain further. He even said, he can‘t be xenophobic, because he drives a korean brand car (which turned out to be japanese). The new ‚i can‘t be racist, i have a black friend‘.

This also hasn‘t been the first time, in 2018 he made an antisemetic comparison between smoker and jews for which he got a little attention, but no consequences.

Furthermore ARMY dug up a picture on his instagram from 2020 with the caption ‚ Is more evidence needed?!?,‘

A short note:

What makes this even more infuriating is that the radio station is regulated by public-law and german citizens are OBLIGATED to pay for it. We literally are forced to pay money to a radio station that broadcasts openly racist slurs! And no, it‘s not allowed. They have policies that explicitly say they are not allowed to discriminate, they have to support diversity and have to be politically and economically independant.

Do they give a fuck? Apparently not really.

Did Bayern3 answer the hashtags and the pressure?

They did, first came a short nonpology where they said that the show, which Matthias Matuschik is broadcasting, is known for his direct and honest opinions and that he could have worded it better. They are sorry if anyone felt insulted, which is excusing the feeling of the fans, but not the act in itself.

After Army answered with the hashtag ‚Racism is not an opinion‘ and various media coverage surfaced, they posted a second ‚apology‘, where they -again- said that they are distancing themselves from what was said and Matthias has always been an avid supporter of refugees so he is very far away from being a racist. (Supporting refugees doesn’t excuse you from saying racist things though.) Matthias stated that he is shocked from the reactions, that he is ‚sorry if people felt what he said was racist‘ and that his family is getting death threats. (which is in no way acceptable of course.) They would review what was said so it doesn‘t happen again.

Here you can read the statements in german and translated in english:

First statement: https://twitter.com/bts_updates_ger/status/1365087239756259330?s=21

Second statement: https://twitter.com/bts_updates_ger/status/1365305564050382849?s=21

This would have probably been the beginning of a conversation, if Matthias wouldn‘t have went to facebook after his second apology to like a supporting post that basically stated that the topic is way overhyped and in the 80s you were allowed to say your opinion without people getting butthurt (this is a short form.) He completely revised his remorse literally the same day after the updated apology and supported a statement that was gaslighting the people who critized him. You can read the facebook post here:

https://twitter.com/traveltomyrm/status/1365321397342461957?s=21

Since then: Nothing. My mom told me yesterday they‘re playing dynamite a lot, i told her to switch the channel.

News Coverage

Thankfully, we got a lot of support from I-ARMY and K-ARMY, otherwise we wouldn‘t have been able to trend the hashtags day and night and kept them in the top categories in germany and worldwide. We also got a lot of support from international media who called out the racism and put them into context in really amazing articles. (Also K-Media and J-Media but i only have screenshots, no links) Here are a few of them:

https://rollingstoneindia.com/xenophobic-german-presenters-comments-about-bts-are-just-the-tip-of-the-racist-iceberg/

https://www.forbes.com/sites/bryanrolli/2021/02/26/bts-were-once-again-the-subject-of-racist-on-air-remarks-and-received-a-pathetic-non-apology/

We even got celebrities like halsey, max, lauv, steve aoki, JJ Ryan, DJ Swivel, Liam McEwan, Zara Larsson, MTV UK, Columbia Records and some more bring attention to the issue and show their support for BTS in the face of racism.

This support was probably the reason why we even got a second ‚apology‘, because guess what? German media ain‘t having it. Since the beginning of our protest, i think i saw 2 articles in total which actually called it racism, various newspapers and online magazines were downplaying it by talking about ‚insults‘ and concentrating on Matthias calling BTS pisser instead of quoting the actual racist remarks he made. We got no TV news whatsoever. So naturally, german locals looking at this protest think that Fans are going on a rampage because their favorite boygroup got insulted.

It has been maddening. The radio station and host have been trying to sit this whole thing out for days, in hope we lose energy over the weekend and it‘s draining to not be heard or taken seriously. For me it‘s still a priviledged perspective, because i don‘t have to bear consequences when this thing is over, one way or another. But for Asians in our country, also some of my friends, this horror in times of covid will continue. The lack of serious German Media coverage has been frustrating and embarrasing to say the least, but also shown again, that the topic gets overshadowed by prejudices against KPop, the fanbase and Asians as part of satirical fun (which it isn‘t).

Why is that?

This is my personal take and not a deep analysis, just my personal observations: Germany might be progressive in a lot of aspects, but they still have deeply ingrained every day racism against asians and they have a huge problem realizing and admitting to that. We don‘t have a lot of asian representation and there is a huge alieniation from asians for a lot of german 50+ (also less, but those are the ones in power mostly). Racism against Asians is not seen enough and people don‘t empathize, partly because they‘re white privileged people who don‘t have to live with certain stigma, partly because they simply don‘t care to educate themselves about minorities in their own country. This ignorance is widespread, if it doesn‘t happen in front of your doorstep, it‘s probably nonexistant. It‘s also not only reserved for Asians, january 2021 we had a talkshow where 5 white german people talked happily about what minorities such as Romani people think as insulting or racist. They did get a lot of backleash because obviously they talk about matters, without letting minorities be part of the discussion, but real consequences? Nope.

I doubt that this protest will get Matthias Matuschik fired (which it should if you are openly racist on a public platform), because the pressure is too low and the radio station has shown with their first statement that they thought it‘s rather funny than problematic. But i don’t know what‘s going to happen. Apart from being an ARMY, i am an adult who condemns racism in any way or form. Why german media chooses to overlook the essence of the debate and makes it a hystercial fanbase issue is beyond me.

If you want to have a look yourself, you can follow German Fanbase accounts, such as @ BTS_UPDATES_GER for updates in german and english.

And at last, here is a thread on how german media reproduces Anti Asian Racism : https://twitter.com/storiesbythuy/status/1366073706817196046?s=21

German Armys are trying to come up with a plan to gain more attention for the topic at the moment, so we‘ll see how things turn out! Please support us if possible!

[zeppelin-and-unicorns]

Fanfic recommendations part two: Stories that take place during season 8 (canon divergence)

This is a smaller category than the previous one, but I promise that those stories are amazing. I’ve read and reread every single one of them, and I love them all with all of my heart. I hope this post is useful to you. Lots of love ❤️

(And yes, they are in alphabetical order. I wish I’ve done that with the post season 8 post too, but it’s up for a while now and it would be just too much work to edit the whole thing)

All These Things That I’ve Done by c00kiefic

Story based on the sexual tension between Jackie and Hyde during season 8.

This story is complete.

26k words, 9 chapters.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Don’t Stand so Close to Me by c00kiefic

A story when Eric came back way earlier than he planned to because his friends were being dumbasses and needed some direction. Gotta love Eric Forman.

This story is complete and it’s a super fun read, 10/10.

95k words, 24 chapters.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, Eric/Donna, Kelso/Brooke, background Red/Kitty

Fear and Loathing in Wisconsin by elphabacan

What if Jackie had decided enough was enough after the slumberparty with Donna and Sam and recruited Brooke to go to Vegas? And what if turnabout is fairplay when they run afoul a charming lounge singer named Jude?

Lots and lots of love for this story. It’s amazing and it’s complete.

42k words, 15 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, Brooke/Kelso

Get Away From The Edge by BlueZeppelin

Jackie has been down for a while and it leads her to the Water Tower, alone and depressed. She wants to jump but will Hyde let her?

This story is kind of sad, but it’s still good. I just wish it gave us more details. Don’t read it if you’re triggered by depressive thoughts. It’s complete.

5k words, 3 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

I Think it’s a Real Waste by Jaded

In which Fez and Donna are decent friends to Jackie, and Hyde knows he fucked up. There’s a lot of J/H, but the story also focuses on all the gang. This is a really good story, please read this.

This story is complete.

120k words, 13 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, Eric/Donna, Brooke/Kelso, Fez/OC

Into the Woods by c00kiefic

Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful princess with long raven hair and enchanting eyes, whose only desire was to be loved by the handsome, yet distant prince…

I absolutely adore this story, I really, really do. It reminds me of fairytales and it makes me want to cry at the same time. Also, both Hyde and Donna get an not so pleasant “wake up call”, that they rightfully deserved btw.

This story is complete.

41k words, 10 chapters.

Rated T

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde mainly, some background Eric/Donna angst

Pain Without Love by YouLivexYouDie

This story made me cry so hard. It has a happy ending though, so it was worth it.

Jackie Burkhart is about to experience something life changing. She will never be the same afterwards, nor will the people who love her.

This story is complete.

12k words, 3 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Confession by heavinly-vixen

After the torture Hyde had been inflicting upon Jackie since the arrival of his 'wife', Jackie just needs to talk to someone who's on her side.

This story is complete and it has a sequel! It’s called Reconciliation and it’s also complete.

12k words, 9 chapters.

Rated T. The sequel is rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Made Bare by MistyMountainHop

A heartbroken Hyde considers his relationship with Jackie kaput. Too bad Jackie sees it differently. She intends to get a proper resolution with him, but breaking through his hostility — and getting past his wife — may well prove impossible.

This story is complete.

50k words, 8 chapters.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, background Eric/Donna

Also available on AO3

Someone To Love by Bunny1

Hyde comes back from his 3 month bender to the unexpected.

This story is complete.

6k words, 7 chapters.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

The Birds and The Bees by c00kiefic

Jackie’s pregnant and the father of her child is married to someone else. Amazing story, what I love the most about it is Jackie and Donna’s friendship.

This story is basically complete, the only thing missing is the epilogue.

22k words, 6 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, Eric/Donna

The Right Road Lost by zpplnchick

After a car accident, Hyde wakes up to a twisted version of reality he comes to find is actual hell and with no memory of how he got there, a hell that Jackie's been living in for the past few months. Set during Season 8, shortly after "Sweet Lady".

This story is complete.

43k words, 20 chapters.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

The Road to Redemption by Hyde’s Bride

Jackie leaves the group because of Hyde and Donna's behavior. Eric comes back early to find how things have changed. When he forms a new bond with Jackie, will it force Hyde and Donna to fight for them? Or will they lose their loves forever?

This story is complete.

33k words, 12 chapters.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, Jackie/Eric, Eric/Donna

When The Leeve Breaks by zeppelinandunicorns

What would've happened if Jackie and Donna left Point Place when Eric moved to Africa and Hyde married a stripper?

Donna and Jackie moved to Chicago once they realized that they've sacrificed themselves enough for the sake of their relationships with Eric and Hyde. Will it be too late to fix things once the boys realize what they're missing?

This story is a WIP.

So far, 125k words, 23 chapters. This story will be 54 chapters long so... yeah.

Trigger warning: Depression, past eating disorders, child abuse

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, Eric/Donna

Zen Vision by Ultrawoman

A series of one-shots turning each and every episode of the horrendous Season 8 into a happy Jackie and Hyde love affair!

This story is complete.

37k words, 22 chapters.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

One-shots during season 8:

Being Here by UnfitWriter

Set in season 8, after Sam's departure. Jackie and Hyde can't stand each other, but when something horrible happens to Hyde, Jackie will try to console him in only way she knows how.

5k words.

Rated M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Here Comes Goodbye by nannygirl

Sometimes you just have to say goodbye. Or not.

5k words.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde, background Red/Kitty

Reconnecting by SerenitySparrow

During the party at WB's house in season 8. Jackie and Hyde hook up in a coat closet during the party.

3k words.

Rated M. Very M.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

Tipping Point by janus_74 (tanner)

How a different Perfect Man list could change the end of Season 8.

4k words.

Rated T.

Pairings: Jackie/Hyde

So far, this is all.

I’ll repeat this at the end of every single post: speaking as someone who writes, it would be really cool if you guys decide to leave a review (or a comment, if the story is on AO3) in the stories you read, especially the unfinished ones. It really motivates the authors, and receiving a compliment is always a mood lifter. I’ve seen some authors updating stories after years because of nice reviews, so… yeah, this is just an idea.

If you think I left out a good story, feel free to reply to this post!

Next category: Season 7 fix-its.

[tcheschirewrites]

Happy New Year!

Part of me wanted to do a Year In Review post, like I’ve seen a few other creators do, but instead of talking about myself (which I do for the entire rest of the year anyway lmao), I’m gonna do a reclist instead, of the best fics I’ve read this year. A lot of it is BNHA, because that’s been my main fandom for 2020, but I did spend a decent amount of time in other spaces. If you see a **, that means there’s boning at some point – if the fic is in bold, then there’s a lot of boning. I @ed their Tumblr if I knew it off the top of my head, but I may have missed some.

BNHA

Don't Yuck Her Yum by rumblefish ( @rumbllefish) (League of Villains Gen)

Complete – A quick disclaimer, pia is a mutual and a friend. That being said, this is such a cute little snapshot into the LOV with everyone’s favorite Found Family trope. Now, I’ll admit to being additionally biased because pia gave me that sweet sweet Dadpress food, but her Spinner is also on point. Short and sweet.

the Issue of the Jeanist Corpse (the Jorpse) by Princeliest (Hawks & Jeanist Gen)

Complete – Witty and hilarious, a deleted scene when Hawks went to visit Best Jeanist before War Arc. I love how antsy Hawks is, and how fussy Jeanist. Also, I’m a sucker for putting a j at the beginning of everything for Jeaninst.

Queer Eye: We're In Japan! And There Are Pro Heroes Everywhere!! by night_of_the_living_trashcan (Background Erasermic Family)

Complete – I love a good Queer Eye fic, and this one is so spot on. The Fab Five couldn’t get a better candidate than Aizawa (well, almost; see below). And I’m a sucker for Erasermic family.

 **Yesterday's Gods by Karzai (All Might/Reader)

WIP - Reader character is an ex-military doctor who comes to work at UA. If you’re a fan of very well-developed backstories, and reader characters that are their own people, then this is the fic for you. This fic gives me huge Newsroom vibes - we’ve got a past romance, and the tension after years apart. We get present day when they are older and more jaded, and we get the backstory of the reader character and All Might when they were young and spry.

**surrender (whenever you're ready) by OfMermaids ( @ofmermaidstories) (Bakugou/Reader)

WIP - Bakugou accidentally destroys a florist’s shop. Bar none the best Bakugou fic out there - his characterization is so on point. He is grouchy but so vulnerable, he’s coarse and soft and insecure and such a perfectionist. The relationship with the reader character develops very naturally, and the chapters are long. Bonus, we get some bangin’ Kiri as well.

 **if i could keep cool by andypantsx3 ( @andypantsx3) (Todoroki/Reader)

Complete – I’m in love with the premise of the fic: a hired cleaner gets kidnapped due to a misunderstanding of the romantic variety. Andie’s Todo is well written, and the pacing of the story is nice and tight. An easy read.

 **Subject: RAPTOR by Tainted_Wine ( @tainted-wine)(Hawks/Reader)

Complete – The villains have turned Hawks into a Nomu, and reader works collecting semen for the facility for breeding purposes. Bigtime monster-fucking, but it’s very poignant and well-done. Very long, but well worth the time.

 **My Hero by HeroAssociation(Aizawa/Reader)

WIP – Reader character is a milf whose son enters a contest to meet his favorite hero and wins. The author’s Aizawa is really good, and the scenes with the reader’s son are very realistic for maternal love. And, I cannot emphasize this enough, reader character is a milf. It’s incomplete, and hasn’t updated in a while, but the premise is so cute I can’t not include it.

 suffer the signs by advantagetexas(Aizawa/Reader)

Complete – Baby’s first hanahaki. Honestly a very cute little hanahaki – no angst or sads, just two idiots in love. A nice quick read.

 But they're soft... by coffee_dessert (Aizawa/Reader)   

Complete – Aizawa gets turned into a cat by a villain’s quirk, and the reader character takes care of him until it wears off. I’ve heard this premise is popular? But I haven’t seen too too many, and this one is very well executed. Aizawa’s characterization is solid, and the pacing is very good. A very sweet read.

**no grave to hold my body down by Hawnks (supermintfluff) ( @hawnks)(Shinsou/Reader)

Complete – Pro Hero Shinsou saves the reader character, and they keep running into each other. This one is a good character study on adult Shinsou, and Hawnks’ writing is always very clean and lovely. I recommend going through their entire selection.

Love Like You by Queen_Kai (Shinsou/Reader)

Complete – Color Soulmate AU with a villain reader. Very cute, and I adore Shinsou’s characterization in this one. I honestly wish there was more, but it stands on its own very well.

Naruto

**Maid with Benefits by awolangel (Akatsuki/Reader)

WIP – Reader is hired to be a live-in maid to the Akatsuki, and also have lots of sex. This fic is hilarious, and so well characterized. The pacing is actually really good, as well as the development of all of the relationships. There are some characters that get more attention than others, but we do get a nice spread. Very fun escapism fic.

Moonshine by Victopteryx ( @ancharan) (HashiMada)

Complete – Prohibition Era Bootlegging AU. Author’s handle on both Madara and Hashirama is incredible (and they draw their own fanart, and it’s also incredible). A whole-ass meal.

Tobirama Kicks Some Sense Into Konoha by allseer15 (Tobirama&Naruto Gen) 

Complete – Tobirama gets sent back in time due to an accidental jutsu, and is horrified at the way Konoha is run, and promptly Rampages over it. Wonderful catharsis for anyone who wondered why it was okay for a rich-ass old man to just leave an infant a welfare check and a shitty apartment and dip out on his development even though he has the equivalent of a nuclear warhead in his upper intestine.

Misc

**Clouds by moriamithril (Star Wars Rogue One, Cassian Andor/Reader)

Complete – Reader character is a handler/assistant type figure to Cassian over a series of missions. We get a lot of emotions in this one – we get the tenderness of caring for someone who is ill, we get devotion, we get yearning, we get delicious jealousy. Well written and lovely.

Fresh Coat by scrapmetal (The Mandalorian, Boba & Din Gen)

Complete – Fantastic Boba and Din, the Mando culture representation we deserve. I’m love.

**A Far Greater Sin (Reader version) by Yavannie (The Mandalorian, Din Djarin/Reader)

Complete – Reader is a healer, and builds a relationship with Mando over the course of a couple decades. Great pacing, great RC development, and the author’s Mando is quite good. The premise/setting gives me wicked fantasy vibes, even though it’s obviously In Space, but that’s definitely a draw.

who's gonna save us now (when the ashes hit the ground) by chancellor_valdez (Ready or Not, Grace/Daniel)

Complete – My favorite of the “Grace and Daniel Survive Together” subgenere, this one is very raw with its emotions. There’s a lot of hurt, and there’s a lot of self-harming coping mechanisms. Recovery is ugly, and the author did a very good job showing us that. And their ending was lovely.

not your garden variety demon lord by rizahawkaye (Inuyasha, SanSessh)

Complete – Sango takes care of Rin sometimes, and gets confused when Sesshoumaru brings her gifts. The author’s Sessh is so good, and it’s a great exploration of a relationship we don’t see much of.

Mine Enemy by Ayrith (Inuyasha, InuSan)

Complete – I love this fic, okay. Fantastic character study in Sango and a lot of the rougher parts of her that canon shied away from, and the author’s Inuyasha characterization is fucking great. Just go read this, yes.

Frozen Plus One by Meowzy (Frozen, HansAnna)

WIP – Troll AU, ie the trolls cursed Hans and that’s why he is That Way. Look, this author has done such a good job with all of the characters. Their voices are very distinct, and it’s not a reach at all to see how it could have gone differently. And we get some sweet HansAnnaKris action, and it is just as we deserve. Honestly, this fic is so well written, it deserves the world.

Knives In by anomalation (Knives Out, Marta/Ransom)

Complete – My favorite of the Pen Pals subgenre, this one is a fantastic slow burn. Ransom is really forced to face himself, and Marta is such a babe. Meg makes a few appearances, and her confusion over her place in the world is really well done. A great enemies-to-lovers.

It's Not Anxiety, It's a Parasite by squadrickchestopher (Venom, Queer Eye)

Complete – Look, I’ve mentioned before, but I love a good Queer Eye fic. Eddie gets what he deserves, and the symbiote couldn’t be more happy. So funny and clever.

You Find Yourself in a Maze by FloaromaMeadow ( @zombiekaiba) (S0 Atem Gen)

Complete – Very short and very poignant, the style is modeled after text-based command games. It fits super well with the Season 0 aesthetic, and there’s so much punch in each command.   

Gaud's Grinch x Tony Fix-it Fic by gaudy_writes ( @biggest-gaudiest-patronuses)

WIP – Look, I know, all right. Just read it.

[shelovescontrol91]

Writer/director Kay Cannon (Pitch Perfect, Blockers) has re-envisioned Cinderella as a modern musical with a heroine at its center who has ambitions of a career in a world that just wants her to find a prince to marry. Ella (pop music superstar Camila Cabello) wants to design beautiful ball gowns while her stepmother (Tony Award winner Idina Menzel) unsympathetically attempts to squash her dreams, until her fairy godmother Fab G (Billy Porter) shows up to help boost the confidence she already has in her heart.

During this 1-on-1 interview with Collider, Cabello talked about tackling her first lead feature film role, wanting to be responsible with her platform, believing in herself, her own Cinderella story, the music she’s currently dancing to, getting to put on the ballgown and slippers, the first day of shooting vs. the last day, and her desire to continue doing acting projects.

Collider: When the possibility of playing Cinderella in a big movie musical came your way, especially knowing that fairy tales and particularly princess fairytale is they’re often old-fashioned, misogynistic and sexist, what needed to be there in the character for you to feel like she was someone that you wanted to represent?

CAMILA CABELLO: I feel like I try to be as responsible as I can with my platform and putting forth messages that I stand by and feel like right to me. That is why I did the film. It’s just really empowering for women, and really empowering for me. It doesn’t have these messages that are this black and white way of looking at people, where they’re either good or they’re evil. It just has this complexity that I think is really beautiful.

You’ve had great success as a singer and performer, in that sense, but this was the first time you’re leading a film, as an actress. How did you find your inner confidence, to show up on set and lead this cast, as an actor, doing something that’s outside of what you’ve become known for?

CABELLO: I think that it was about just letting go of my ego, as much as I can, and just trying to have fun with it. Obviously, there were times where I felt nervous and I felt the pressure, but at the end of the day, it’s something that I chose to do because I believe in it. Clearly, I’m here because Kay Cannon, our director, and James Corden believe in me and they wanted me to be this character. I’m here for a reason, so I’m just gonna believe in that and have a good time.

Did you also have a real movie star moment, where you felt like you really owned that, when you were on these extravagant sets, in these costumes, and working alongside Pierce Brosnan? Did you feel the movie magic, in that way?

CABELLO: I feel like because it was my first movie, it was obviously really, really thrilling. And also, you don’t wanna feel like that, when you’re making a movie. You wanna feel grounded and present and not psych yourself out too much. I tried to just keep it as chill as I could, which is hard when there’s Pierce Brosnan in there, but I tried.

In a lot of ways, your own life journey feels like a real Cinderella story. Do you feel that way? Have you really felt a sense of that?

CABELLO: I definitely feel that. I feel like my story is a total Cinderella story. My life changed so much. I was just in Miami, with no connections, really, to anybody in the music industry. And one day, I auditioned for X-Factor and my life changed, and my life keeps changing. I definitely have been like the underdog, for sure, many times, so I totally relate to that story.

What’s it like to go from being that underdog to seeing how you inspire other young people?

CABELLO: It’s amazing. I just feel super lucky that life worked out that way. There’s just a lot of gratitude. There were a lot of really fortunate events happening.

A lot of actors talk about not wanting to watch their own performances, and you’ve said that you don’t like to listen to your own songs. How hard is it to then watch a movie that you’re acting, singing and dancing? Is that even more difficult to watch?

CABELLO: Totally. It’s very difficult. I had a lot of fun watching it because I was watching it with my castmates and my director, and we formed a little family together. And my acting coach, Anthony Meindl, was there too, so it was fun to enjoy that with the people that I made the film with, but it is, by no means, fun to watch yourself from all of these super up-close angles.

What is the strangest or most memorable place you’ve been, when you’ve heard one of your own songs start playing?

CABELLO: Hmm. I don’t know. There hasn’t really been any weird places. Out of people’s cars, on the street, is really interesting.

You’ve never been in an elevator with other people, when your own music has come on?

CABELLO: No. That would be terrible.

It’s hard to know how to handle a fame until you’re in it. What has most surprised you about yourself, having had the spotlight shown on you for some time now?

CABELLO: Honestly, how much that is not really the fulfilling or meaningful part of what I do. Even though it might look like it because that’s the part that most people see, the behind the scenes of making the music and the people that I make it with, and also the stuff that has nothing to do with my career at all, is really fulfilling and meaningful. The actual fame part is not really a big thing that I think about.

Has it taught you anything about your own strength that you didn’t expect to realize?

CABELLO: As I get older, I my sense of self gets stronger and stronger. I’m really lucky that I have an amazing family and amazing parents. My mom has been with me for a lot of this, so I never really lost myself in that, which is more of a testament to the people around me.

You have great comedic timing that seems very natural, which is not necessarily an easy thing to pull off. Do you feel that not taking yourself too seriously helps you with just jumping in and finding the comedy?

CABELLO: Totally. Hopefully, I’ll do more comedy. I think it’ll get easier and easier. Obviously, I really cared about, and care about, this film, so I wanted to do a good job. But I think that, at my best, I am pretty funny.

You’re definitely a powerhouse, in your own right, but what’s it like to get to duet with someone like Idina Menzel? As a singer, when you’re told that you’re going to be belting it out with her, is it intimidating or is it fun and exciting?

CABELLO: It’s so fun and exciting. I love her. Obviously, she’s so talented, but also I feel like we’ve connected so much during this whole process that it was just really fun.

Had you ever found yourself belting out any of her songs, before doing this?

CABELLO: Of course. “Into the Unknown and “Defying Gravity” are some of my favorite songs.

I especially enjoyed the big musical performances in this, at the beginning and the end, with “Rhythm Nation” and “Let’s Get Loud.” Both of those are songs that just make you want to get up and dance and sing along. Do you have songs that do that for you? Is there a song you always put on when you want to dance around the house?

CABELLO: Yeah. Tight now I’m listening to a lot of Reggaeton and a lot of J Balvin, a lot of Bad Bunny, and a lot of Rosalia. That always makes me want to dance around.

How much fun was it to get to do the big performance numbers, with all of the staging? What would surprise people about what it takes to pull off something like that?

CABELLO: It’s amazing. That last finale number and that week was a real movie magic moment. It just felt very like, “Oh, my God!” The best part of a live musical is having a huge ensemble singing and dancing and doing this amazing choreography. It was a lot of rehearsals, after set days and between set days. It was definitely a lot of work, but it was a lot of fun.

If we got a glimpse into the blooper reel for this movie, what kind of things would we see?

CABELLO: You would probably see a lot of unprofessional laughter. It’s hard for me to say anything specific on the spot right now, but a lot of the moments with the comedians, like James Acaster, Romesh [Ranganathan], James Corden and Rob Beckett, were really funny.

Your Cinderella is a fashion designer and has a great sense of style. Are you the same way? Have you always had a great sense of style, or are there fashion disasters in your past that you wish you could forget and that you wish didn’t live on social media now?

CABELLO: I’ve definitely had a lot of fashion disasters because I started doing this at 15, which is crazy. I’ve gotten more of a sense of style, as I’ve gotten older. Now, I just find it a lot more fun than I used to before. It was like a chore to me. I didn’t get joy from it, but now I really do. So, I relate to her more, in that sense.

I love that this is also a Cinderella who doesn’t change who she is or give up her life for a prince. How important was that to you? Is that something that you had conversations about and that really mattered?

CABELLO: Yeah, that was one of the things I loved about the script. She’s not really giving up her life for the prince because she knows that she would just be unhappy. She wouldn’t be able to be herself. At the end of the day, you wanna be in a relationship with somebody where you can be yourself. You don’t have to give up a part of you for them. So, that was one of my favorite parts of the script. I think she’s a real bad-ass for that.

One of the things that doesn’t change with the story of Cinderella is that you still get to wear a gorgeous ballgown and have glass slippers. What did you think of her look for the ball and getting to put on that incredible gown?

CABELLO: It was awesome. Ellen Mirojnick (the costume designer) did such an amazing job with that iridescent, non-traditional version of the Cinderella gown and the slippers. I loved it. It was gorgeous.

Was there a scene that was the most technical to do?

CABELLO: There was the running scene that we had to do, over and over again. That definitely required a lot of endurance because I was just running, all day. That was definitely a little hard.

Was there a most fun day on set?

CABELLO: There were different most fun days. The day with Billy [Porter], doing the Fab G sequence was super fun and magical. And also the finale was really fun. The last song was super fun.

You’ve said that you don’t know if you could have done this with anyone other than Kay Cannon. What was it about her and her vision? What was it like to really establish that collaborative and creative relationship together?

CABELLO: I feel so fortunate. Any other person that I work with now, it’s gonna be such a high bar because she’s just such a great person and an amazing collaborator. She’s so passionate and such a good person. I think that shows in the script, her emotional awareness, her sensitivity, and her desire to stand up for people and give people a voice. She’s like the character. She’s like Cinderella. She’s a bad-ass.

What do you remember about the first day on set and shooting the first scene you had, and how did that compare to the last day that you had on set and doing the last scene for the movie?

CABELLO: The first day, I was insanely nervous. I was so nervous. And the last day, I was not. The last day, I was just having so much fun. At that point, I was just like, “This has been the best experience ever,” and I wasn’t nervous anymore.

Now that you’ve had this experience, where would you like to take your acting career next? Are you already reading a lot of scripts? Have you thought about the type of things you’d like to do?

CABELLO: I haven’t because I went into making my album after the movie. But I would love to do more acting roles, for sure.

Is there dream project, a specific genre, or a character that you’d like to play?

CABELLO: I literally couldn’t tell you. I’d love to do more comedy. I think drama would be really fun. Action would be really fun. Thriller would be really fun. There’s so much. There’s a lot there to explore it.

Cinderella is available to stream at Amazon Prime Video.

[anistarrose]

Summary: Angus leads a virtual book club meeting. Kravitz connects the dots. Taako makes significant updates to the list of people he trusts and things he believes.

Characters: Kravitz, Taako, Barry Bluejeans, Angus McDonald, Magnus Burnsides, Merle Highchurch, Noelle | No-3113, The Raven Queen, The Director | Lucretia, misc. BoB cameos, Julia Burnsides, Garyl

Relationships: Taakitz, Angus McDonald & Taako, Barry Bluejeans & Kravitz, Kravitz & Angus McDonald

Bit by bit, we’re inching closer to the endgame! Lots of plot and angst in this update, but also I think I might’ve implied that Minecraft exists in Faerun, so it evens out, y’know?

By virtue of their trance state replacing sleep, elves were supposed to be good lucid dreamers. Taako had always experienced mixed results, but never moreso than tonight, with a dream that started out all saccharine romantic fantasy — fishing with Kravitz and sharing a kiss after falling into the lake together — before a clap of thunder and an unholy scream plunged the world into darkness and left one single source of light, one last surviving star, cradled in Taako’s unassuming hands.

Then a ripple in the darkness, the invisible maw of some ravenous entity, closed around that final star — and Taako screamed, as loud as he could muster yet still not loud enough to drown the ringing in his ears, as he flailed in the dark against the invisible monster that stole the world from him —

At once, two hands closed around his own, one cold and the other warm. On Taako’s left was Kravitz, aghast but holding himself together, a steely composure to his posture despite the fear in his eyes.

On Taako’s right was a Red Robe — but not Barry, and in fact not anything like what Taako had started to accept as normal for Red Robes. Where Barry had a clouded darkness in place of hands and a face, this lich had pure static escaping from within her sleeves and beneath her hood, crackling and constantly changing shape like lightning, or… like fire.

Taako sat up in his bed covered in cold sweat, heart pounding as he realized his legs were hopelessly tangled in his sheets, and only slightly slowing when he realized there was nothing in his bedroom to run from.

Elves were supposed to rarely awaken late, but Taako’s wizard hat-shaped alarm clock — a gift that Angus that he’d quietly appreciated, even though it should have been redundant — indicated that it was mid-morning, and when he trudged out into the common area, he found no sign of his doormates besides a note written in Magnus’s distinctive scrawl.

I know you were busy last night, so we’re letting you sleep in while we go play Fantasy Kickball on the quad! Killian and Avi are team captains and their rivalry is fierce, so we’ll probably be playing all day if you want to join us! Love, Magnus! (And Merle)

Taako didn’t realize how relieved he was until he felt himself let out a sigh.

He had a sinking feeling that the same dream — or at least, a similar dream — had played out more than once that night, looping over and over again as he repeatedly failed to remember, much less control, where it was going. He felt too exhausted to be operating on even a single minute of dreamless sleep, and didn’t even want to think about holding a conversation with anyone…

Well, with most people. There was someone he’d really been meaning to chat with, before he’d been distracted by haircuts and Kravitz and pottery and stargazing and Kravitz.

He transmuted a mug of lukewarm tap water to a piping hot, high-caffeine tea, then picked up his Umbra Staff, and conjured a familiar phantom steed with twin horns that nearly grazed the ceiling as he reared and whinnied.

“Yooo! Mornin’, Taako!”

“Morning, Garyl.” Taako yawned. “Could you do me a favor, and tell me literally anything you know about the liches you said I used to hang out with?”

***

CalebClevelandFan#2045: All early-installment weirdness aside, I really do think it’s a great introduction to the series! Because of the retcons you’ll encounter later, there are some conspiracy theories that the most recent arc of Caleb Cleveland was ghostwritten to maximize the publishing rate (which I think is hogwash, because continuity errors are going to be inevitable no matter who’s writing) but I guess I’ll let you decide for yourself when you get there! Do you need to stop by the moon again to borrow Book 2?

ReaperAwMan#1672: No thank you, Angus! I think I’m going to try and download the “digital” version, now that I know I can do that on my Stone! Taako told me about that feature and a lot of others last night, so if I can’t get it to work, I’ll just call him and ask him to walk me through it. :)

ReaperAwMan: Did I use the smiley face correctly?

CalebClevelandFan: Yes! :) You’ve picked up on technology a lot faster than my grandpa did.

CalebClevelandFan: Did Taako also choose your username on this app, though?

ReaperAwMan: How did you know? Is it a reference to something? :)

CalebClevelandFan: Um

CalebClevelandFan: Yes, but it’s a long story. It’s not mean-spirited or anything, though! I think it’s pretty funny!

ReaperAwMan: Okay! :)

CalebClevelandFan: Is that all for book club today? If it is, Mr. Kravitz, I just want to say that I’d be happy to talk to you again about Caleb Cleveland anytime!

CalebClevelandFan: It means a lot to me, but I understand if you’re too busy (message edited)

ReaperAwMan: Oh, there’s always time for book club, Angus!

ReaperAwMan: But I admit, I have had a lot on my mind…

CalebClevelandFan: Is it the liches? Since the Reclaimers aren’t in trouble anymore? (By the way, I went to tell Noelle she didn’t have to worry about getting reaped, but apparently she’s visiting family, so I left a message with her teammates Carey and Killain..)

ReaperAwMan: Excellent deduction. (And thank you for that. I hope she gets the message soon.)

ReaperAwMan: You’re right, I’m still hunting Lup and Barry Bluejeans, but… I just can’t shake the feeling that they’re connected to Taako and the others.

CalebClevelandFan: Really? What makes you say that?

ReaperAwMan: Well, I didn’t think much of this for a long time, and now I’m kicking myself for it, but their bounties registered in our system at the same time as Taako’s, Magnus’s, and Merle’s. We figured it was just a widespread detection glitch, which has happened before on a much smaller scale, but now it feels awfully suspicious. The Reclaimers have also encountered Barry at least four times now, without even seeking him out the first three times, whereas finding Barry is my job, and I get a lead on him about twice a year, if I’m lucky.

CalebClevelandFan: That is odd. Did any other bounties show up at that same time? Do you know if they have any kind of connections to Barry?

ReaperAwMan: Only two others, for a couple of people named Lucretia and Davenport. They must be living like hermits, because it’s been 12 years and I know as little about them as I do about Lup. Not a lot of leads there, I’m afraid.

(CalebClevelandFan is typing…)

(CalebClevelandFan is typing…)

CalebClevelandFan: Hmm. Huh! I wish I could say those names meant something to me, but I’ve never heard them before in my life! Truly unfortunate, that. But, I do suspect that Barry appearing to the Reclaimers is because the Red Robes made the Grand Relics, and it’s the Reclaimers’ job to track those seven relics down!

ReaperAwMan: You mean to tell me that Barold J. Bluejeans made a Grand Relic, and the Reclaimers all knew that information, but didn’t think it would be important to tell me?! This is simultaneously the most and least surprised I’ve been at any point in my afterlife.

CalebClevelandFan: Well, I guess there’s a reason I’m the moon’s resident boy detective and they aren’t, sir!

ReaperAwMan: Wait. Angus.

CalebClevelandFan: Yes?

ReaperAwMan: Seven relics. Seven bounties.

CalebClevelandFan: Sorry, sir, I’m not following. What’s the connection?

ReaperAwMan: I know this is going to sound impossible, but…

ReaperAwMan: Taako is a transmutation wizard. The Philosopher’s Stone can transmute any material into anything else. Merle is a nature cleric, and the Gaia Sash offers control over natural disasters and the wilderness. Then of course, Barry is a lich like no other, and the Animus Bell is the most dangerous necromantic artifact I’ve ever been tasked with monitoring. I don’t know exactly how Magnus fitz into this, or how the other three bounties have managed to hide from me, but…

ReaperAwMan: I think Taako, Merle, and Magnus made three of the Grand Relics!

ReaperAwMan: Angus? Are you still there?

CalebClevelandFan: Sorry, I just rebooted my Stone, but I still can’t read your second-to-last message! It just looks like static, but I was inoculated, so that shouldn’t be possible!

ReaperAwMan: I’m not sure what you mean by “inoculated,” but if the app is glitching, then do you want me to call you?

CalebClevelandFan: It may not be the app, sir. And if it isn’t, I fear a phone call won’t make any difference… but I just got an idea! I’m going to go check if Noelle is back yet — she should be able to help with this. Please bear with me for a few minutes, sir!

ReaperAwMan: Okay, then… good luck!

Head in his hand, Kravitz scrolled back up to the offending message, reading it over once more.

I think Taako, Merle, and Magnus made three of the Grand Relics!

It made sense, but it shouldn’t have. Despite all the questions it answered, it raised more in their place — and Kravitz had been ready to accept that he was wrong, ready for brilliant little Angus to chime in with a piece of evidence that refuted it all...

Except that message, and that message alone, hadn’t made it to Angus in the first place — and wasn’t that the most damning, of all the so-called coincidences aligning before Kravitz’s eyes?

The Reclaimers made Grand Relics and consorted with liches. The Reclaimers can’t remember making Grand Relics or consorting with liches.

Someone is hiding the truth from the Reclaimers, and from Angus. Someone is hiding the truth from the entire Bureau of Balance.

Is it Barry? Does he have that much power? Is he working with someone? With Lup?

Kravitz summoned his scythe with the full intention of warping straight to the moonbase, and bringing his four friends from the Bureau directly back to the Astral Plane — not to take them prisoner, but simply to get them somewhere safe, somewhere to talk without Queen-knows-what outside forces eavesdropping or interfering. Yet before he could open a rift, Kravitz’s vision flashed blue, and a faint yet familiar tug directed his focus towards a much different region of the Material Plane.

A voice echoed in his head, too distorted to identify the speaker, but the words themselves were clear enough:

Kravitz, help!

Kravitz’s Stone of Farspeech clattered onto his desk as he raised his fingers to his temples and closed his eyes, honing in on the location of the summoning arrow. It was surrounded by undead presences of several shapes and forms, but one aura outshone all the others — one unmistakable red aura, crackling with power, and… desperation.

There was a very short list of people on the Material Plane with access to this kind of summoning beacon — and no matter what dark secrets their pasts held, Kravitz couldn’t bear the thought of any of them being left alone with an incredibly powerful, secret-keeping, Relic-crafting lich who had finally, finally snapped.

With a frantic swing of his scythe, he ripped open a jagged portal to the arrow’s location, and leapt through without even pausing to retrieve his Stone.

Hang on, boys! I’m coming!

***

“If you wanna hear anything about liches,” Garyl declared, “that information comes with a price. Which you know is gonna be oats, ‘cause what would I even do with gold? I’m just a funky little 80’s horse remix, so you gotta hand over those spectral oats, dude.”

Taako sighed. “Garyl. I know you’re not gonna like this question. But before you whine, please consider the fact that I’m not in the fucking mood. Now: does it have to be oats?”

“A pound of spectral oats is worth two spectral carrots or one spectral sugar cube! That’s the conversion rate. If you offer a spectral salt lick, I may be willing to negotiate.”

Taako conjured two floating, semi-tangible carrots with a wave of his umbrella, and levitated them over to Garyl, who took a bite out of both at once.

“That’s the stuff!” he whinnied. “Okay, so. Liches. Whatcha wanna know about ‘em?”

“You said, like — like two days ago now — that you used to get spectral oats from liches that I hung out with. Garyl, I need to know: was that true, or were you just guilting me for not spoiling you with enough treats?”

Garyl’s response was rendered completely indecipherable by the fresh bite of carrot in his mouth, part of which splattered across the floor and narrowly missed Taako.

“This is serious, Garyl! I’ve been meaning to ask you about this for a while, but it keeps getting more serious.” Taako groaned. “I… I didn’t even realize it, until I was talking to Kravitz last night, but… it’s just… okay, look. He remembers his whole life crystal clear, right down to how many stars you could see from this planet eight hundred and twenty years ago, but…”

He lowered his voice, glancing towards the door. “My past has always just been… fuzzy to me. I never really worried about it, but… I’m just now realizing that this might not be normal. And that if it isn’t, then I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Garyl swallowed the last of the carrots. “Yo, your past isn’t fuzzy to me. You really don’t remember your lich buddies — your lich family? Your literal sister and brother-in-law?”

“No, Garold, I don’t remember the sound of getting electrocuted in a fantasy garbage disposal!” Taako rubbed his forehead with increasing vigor, futilely attempting to massage away the sensation of an approaching migraine. “I don’t know how you made that noise with your nasty horse mouth, but it sounded just as bad as the static Lich Barry was speaking when —”

He gasped — and in the ensuing silence, the static kept ringing in his ears, but not as an audible echo. It was coming from within his own head, like a misdirected electric current leaping from neuron to neuron, generated as his mind repeatedly tried and failed to process what he’d just heard… and Taako knew exactly where he’d felt that sensation before.

“Oh, fuck.”

He bolted for the door, locked it, then frantically emptied his pockets until he found his Stone of Farspeech, which he powered down and then magically silenced for extra insurance. “Shit. Shit. Fuck.”

“Yo, what’s the rush?” Garyl asked. “Didja just remember you owe the unicorn mafia a whole bushel of oatsss?”

“What the hell? No!” Taako cradled Garyl’s snout in his hands, standing on his tiptoes to stare at Garyl in the eyes. “Promise me, promise me right now, Garyl, that you’re not gonna fucking snitch.”

Garyl’s expression turned as serious as a binicorn’s expression could turn, given two horns, technicolor eyes, and glittering lashes to work with. “Taako, you gave me life. I’ve always got your back, man.”

“There’s a second voidfish,” Taako blurted out. “And you’re more ghost than horse, I guess, so you’re immune to it, but I’m not. And I — I think I lost something big to it.”

“Huh.” Garyl snorted. “Damn. Geez, yeah. That would explain some things about, man, musta been…” He closed his eyes, nostrils twitching. “The last twelve years? That sound right?”

“Please, Garyl. You — you might know me better than I know me, at this point, so I need you to tell me — who can I trust?”

“I can’t decide that for you, Taako.” Garyl arched his majestic equine neck, as a single tear rolled down his face, and his mullet billowed in a wind that simply shouldn’t have been possible indoors. “Look at what you know to be true in your heart, and begin the journey towards your truth by trusting yourself.”

“I’m not here to listen to your poetry, Garyl — I need names!” Taako pleaded. “Like, I — I can at least trust Kravitz, right?”

“Look, man, I’m sorry! I could tell you who you used to trust, but if someone took a Voidfish-brand eraser to your chalkboard of a brain, that means someone had to betray you, and I dunno who it was! Kravitz is probably chill, because he seems on the level and you haven’t known him long enough for him to be the culprit — but I’m still juggling like six suspects, and I’ve only got four hooves, man! I’m trying my best to —”

Abruptly, Garyl’s voice died out, and he lowered his eyes. “Well, okay, it would be… five suspects. ‘Cause… Lup definitely went missing before any memories got…”

Taako clapped his hands over his ears. “Can you try not to do that? I’m already on the edge of a migraine without —”

A knock at the door interrupted him, and the next thing he knew, he was brandishing his Umbra Staff — never mind the fact that he’d locked that door just a minute ago, and it had since remained closed.

“Taako?” Lucretia called from the hallway. “Are you alright in there?”

After what must’ve been a suspiciously long pause, “Fine!” was the only word Taako could force out.

“Just dandy!” Garyl added in a terrible Taako impression, and Taako elbowed him in the equine shoulder.

“You’re sure?” The quizzical tilt to Lucretia’s head was downright audible. “You don’t sound like yourself.”

Taako bit back a reply of golly, I wonder if that’s because I don’t who I am or how much of myself I’m missing! but managed something more civil, clamping a hand over Garyl’s mouth as he spoke.

“Just had a late night last night! Took some… personal hours. May or may not be nursing a mild hangover now.”

“Oh, we’ve all been there. Merle did mention you were sleeping in.” Lucretia sounded like her suspicion had been sated — unless, of course, she just wanted Taako to think that — because in a much more casual voice that carried far less gravitas, the next thing she asked was: “Do you mind if I come in? I feel like we haven’t talked since Candlenights.”

“No problem!” Taako replied, probably much too quickly. He uttered the word ‘unlock’ under his breath in Elvish, to magically undo his little paranoia-induced security measure before swinging the door open, and hoping Lucretia wouldn’t notice the door had been locked or go on to question why. “Mi casa es tu casa — ‘cause, y’know, mi casa is technically part of your moonbase.”

If Lucretia did notice the unlocking door, she only questioned it silently, because her attention seemed understandably drawn to the binicorn trotting in place in the middle of the dorm.

“Oh, Garyl! Good to see you too.”

“Haha, yeah!” Garyl chuckled nervously. “Imagine meeting you, here, in a place like this! What are the odds?”

Lucretia lowered herself onto the sofa, glanced at Magnus’s rugged hand-crafted coffee table, and pointed to her feet. “Do you mind?”

Taako shrugged. “Uh… knock yourself out, Luce?”

She kicked off her heeled boots and slung her feet onto the table, laying her staff down in her lap. “Let’s get to the point. I did come here for a particular reason —”

“Oh?” Taako forced a smile. “Do tell.”

“Well, Merle and Leon got into a bit of an argument over — actually, let me start from the beginning. At some point in today’s second game, the kickball went over the edge of the moon, and has probably hit the planet Earth at terminal velocity by now.” Lucretia grimaced. “I hope no one was standing beneath it. Yikes.”

“Home run, baby!” Garyl cheered. Taako simply attempted to nod along.

“Actually, by our rules, it’s a foul with a sizeable penalty. Leon was pitching and Merle was kicking, so naturally they got into a fight over whose fault it was, and Merle threatened — let me see if I remember this all correctly — to ask you, Taako, to ask your ‘new friend the Grim Reaper’ to come up here and ‘reap Leon’s ass’ like said Grim Reaper purportedly once threatened to reap Merle’s own ass. So I was just hoping to get to you first, and stage an intervention to make sure the Bureau’s only artificer doesn’t take a one way trip to the heavens above — not to mention, maybe, ask if you had any idea what the hell Merle was talking about?”

“Well, bold statement saying Leon would go to heaven, first of all. Pretty sure he’d head the way of the plummeting kickball and smash through the planet’s crust. Second of all, um, I guess you could say I know the Grim Reaper? Look, we haven’t been seeing each other for very long, but I think we both feel a connection —”

“Oh! Well, good for you! Don’t get me wrong, that’s fucking wild if you mean it seriously rather than as a goof, but I’m still happy for you!”

“Not a goof. That is the whole story there, though. I’m dating the Grim Reaper, what more is there to say?” Taako grinned from ear to ear, and it felt slightly more sincere than every other smile he’d put on in this disaster of a conversation. “But as a… as an aside… uh, Garyl, do you remember those… six, no, five people you mentioned to me, just before Lucretia showed up?”

Garyl blinked at him with a downright hostility, as if to say You’re circling back to this topic NOW?

“Your, um, suspect list?” Taako clarified. “Of… people on the moon most likely to give you oats? I guess it was more like a power ranking, actually, let’s definitely call it a power ranking instead of a suspect list — but my point is, um, was the ‘Director’ here on it?”

“Yee-esssss,” Garyl replied slowly, still giving Taako the evil eye. “You know what I always say about Lucretia: she… she totes got the oats!”

“Okay!” Taako replied, knuckles turning white as he gripped the handle of the Umbra Staff. “Thanks! For letting me know! About those oat facts!”

“Um,” said Lucretia, which was probably the best reaction that Taako could’ve reasonably hoped for. “I… think I misplaced my oats today. Also, maybe my supply of oats for this entire year?” She reached for her boots. “Is this a hint that I should go back to refereeing kickball?”

“Yes!” Taako blurted out. “Oh, I mean, no, it’s not — I mean, you can leave! But you don’t have to. We don’t mind you being here!”

“We don’t not want you to leave but we also don’t not not not want you to leave,” Garyl added, as if it were a verbal Fantasy Rosetta Stone that would clarify and explain all of Taako’s anxious floundering. “Because we trust and cherish you. And oats! Mostly oats.”

Lucretia slipped her boots back on, then rose from her seat in a regal manner that probably wasn’t intended to intimidate the living daylights out of Taako. “No, you have a point. I should go make sure our secret society doesn’t fracture into warring kickball factions — but I’ll be back to chat more, don’t worry. Hopefully on a day you’re feeling better, Taako.”

She winked at Garyl as she turned to leave. “And I’ll try and remember to bring oats. Gotta move up in those power rankings.”

“It was actually more like a tier list!” Garyl called as she closed the door. When Taako magically locked it behind her, Garyl began pacing around the dorm, his tail swishing with enough force to knock several paintings and decorative vases onto the floor.

“Taako! She never has oats and she knows it! She’s onto us!”

“Yeah, you think?” Taako sunk into the couch Lucretia had vacated, burying his head in his hands. “I need backup who can hear through the static, before she puts it together and comes back to throw me in the brig. I’m calling Kravitz.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do that. I’ll keep working on the tier list.” As Taako began to reboot his Stone, Garyl accelerated his nervous pacing to a nervous trot.

“Garyl, if this turns into a canter, I swear to gods —” Taako muttered, tapping the Stone’s unresponsive screen with a shaky thumb.

“Sorry.” Garyl slowed to a halt. “Hmm. You trust Davenport more, less, or the same as Lucretia?”

“What, you think he just pretends he can only say his own name to disguise his role as the evil mastermind?” Taako’s stomach churned. “Shit. You might be onto something. Put him below Lucretia on the tier list. Or above? I dunno how —”

“Wait, I’m not following you, man. Since when can Dav can only say his own name?”

Taako groaned. “I’m gonna take a wild guess and say since twelve fucking years ago — alright, finally! Here we go!” His Stone of Farspeech flickered to life, and he navigated to Kravitz’s contact page as quickly as his trembling fingers allowed.

When he hit Call, an eerie silence filled the dorm as he and Garyl listened to one, two, three, four short rings — then, a beep, and a horrendous pre-recorded Cockney accent.

Hullo, greetings, and top o’ the morning! You’ve successfully reached the desk of Kravitz, Emissary of Her Majesty the Raven Queen, but I’m away right now, so if you have a zombie outbreak to report, press 1. If you wish to subscribe to our mailing list of anti-necromancy resources, press 2. If you’re dead and in need of an escort to the Astral Plane, press 3. If you just wanted to have a friendly chat, please leave a message after the caw, and I’ll get back to you once I’m able.

A raven cawed, and Taako started talking:

“Hey, babe, it’s me! Your boy. Um, don’t let me take you away from saving the world from necromancers or anything important like that… but if you’re not busy, I could really use your help, so if you could swing by the moonbase, and — and maybe not tell anyone you’re coming here or that you’re coming to see me — then that would be just swell! Everything’s cool, nothing’s wrong — well, no, you’re a perceptive guy, you can definitely tell something’s wrong — but I’m sure you and me, and Garyl, and maybe Angus will be able to figure it out, no problem! Except, now that I think about it, maybe not Angus, because I’ve put him in enough danger to solve my own problems already — but uh, thanks in advance, love you, see you soon, bye!”

Then he dropped his Stone, grabbed the nearest couch pillow, and screamed into it.

“Hey, hey, relaaax,” Garyl told him. “You heard him — he’ll get back to you soon.”

“Yeah. I know.” Taako took a deep breath, letting the pillow fall to the ground. “He’s just a busy guy, with an important job. He’ll be here as soon as he can…”

Garyl nodded sagely. “And you’d do the same, for him, because that’s love. Unless…”

Taako’s heart skipped a beat. “Unless?”

“Unless someone on the lower end of the trust tier list knows about his connection to you, and to keep hiding the truth, they capture him before he can get here!” Garyl sniffed. “Just like the unicorn mafia captured my dear ol’ uncle…”

Taako pressed the Call button again, and when he was once again directed to voicemail, he picked the pillow back up and resumed screaming.

“Hey, take it easyyy, man. It’s not like they can kill him,” Garyl soothed. “And b’sides, haven’t you got that… that whatsit-called, that magic arrow? You can still check in on him that way, even if the bad guys stole his Stone!”

“Right!” Taako sprung up from the couch, and bolted towards the quiver of arrows that Magnus had casually slung onto the doorknob of his room. “I mean, I’m sure his phone didn’t even get taken from him — he’s eight and a half centuries old, for crying out loud! He probably just misplaced it, or accidentally put it on silent, or… gee, we really don’t have a lot of traditional surfaces to jab arrows into here, do we?”

He glanced around the dorm, gaze finally landing on Magnus’s homemade coffee table. “I’ll just… wedge it in one of the seams in the wood, so it definitely won’t be noticeable, right?”

“You asking me? I’m apparently an amnesia-immune ghost horse, man — what makes ya think I’d ever want or attempt to understand woodworking?”

“Guess you’ve never attempted to understand a rhetorical question, either,” Taako muttered as he crouched on the ground. Clasping the arrow between two hands, he took a deep breath, then plunged it into the coffee table. “Kravitz? I could really use your help, I won’t lie, but — but mostly, I’m worried and just checking in to make sure you’re okay —”

For a sliver of a second, everything seemed to proceed as it should, with an electric blue glow flickering to life inside the arrowhead — and then, it exploded, spitting out fragments of crystal and tongues of vicious astral fire. Taako reflexively turned his head and dropped to the floor, but still felt something sharp and burning prick into his biceps like a red-hot needle, and he held his breath until the sound of shattering crystal halted and the sound of burning wood faded to a faint sizzling.

“So, uh…” Garyl slowly backed away from Magnus’s poor table, which was already more ‘smoldering pile of ash and sapphire dust’ than it was furniture. “This ever happen before?”

“No,” Taako whispered. He raised a hand to touch the stinging point on his arm, and pulled away with a droplet of blood and a tiny pointed crystal both resting atop his index fingertip. “Never —”

“Okay, cool, that narrows down the possibilities,” Garyl concluded. “Either he’s really busy, or we’re really fucked.”

This time, Taako didn’t even bother to grab a pillow before he started screaming.

***

End Notes:

thanks for reading, comments welcomed as always!

next chapter: Ghost Fight (or in other words, we get to see what Kravitz has been up to in the meantime)

[tinydailysteps]

Its been a while since i wrote an update on here and though im grateful for a lot, i really needed time to reflect on whats been going on.

Tw Sexual assault and (idk if this is even valid for a tw but) emotional abuse

Today was the first time i accepted the truth of the relationship i was in. I was both sexually assaulted and emotionally abused.

I always thought those words held too much power. That they were too big not to be noticed yet here i am, months after, just now accepting the truth for what it is.

My ex lied to me about his character, pretending to be someone hes not and posing to be authentic to get me to be with him.. then openly admitted to doing so. At the time i thought he was kidding and that he meant he put effort cause he liked me.. i now realize that he studied me enough to know what i was looking for and became that but only until he got me wrapped around his finger. Once i was, id essentially be willing to do anything to stay there cause the rope that held me felt like the only thing that did. Though tightening around my neck it really did feel like the only support i had.

I hate that i was the first to initiate a kiss. What started as so innocent quickly turned into expectations of sexual favour. At first, giving him a blowjob meant satisfying him. "Its not a big deal" hed say. Eventually it became him wanting to return the favour despite me not being comfortable with it. I always thought that oral was about satisfying the other person yet everytime i felt even more scared. But still i thought it was normal since we were together.

During sleepovers id wake up with his hands between my legs and him grinding against me. I thought the fact that i was wet meant i wanted it. I didnt. And despite me physically pushing his hands away from him and saying no, his hands found their way back. Objects shouldnt have opinions, theyre meant to be used. I felt like an object during those times and i really wish it was just once. At this point even being in my own bed irks me. Seeing every street we walked, park we sat in and hearing every song from that time with him hurts. What hurts the most though is that i was dumb enough to lower my standards to nothing for him. To turn my own boundaries and limitations into light suggestions. I shouldve left and i honestly dont know why i didnt. I hate that i blame myself but i really do. I blame myself for every second i spent trying to make a relationship with an assaulter work. With the person who assaulted me.

If you read this so far, thank you for hearing me out. Though i doubt he'll ever see this, id like to dedicate the next bit to the piece of shit i once thought was the love of my life.

Dear J,

as much as id like to say i hate you i cant. Im disgusted by the person you turned out to be but the idealised version of you still lives in my head. Every once in a while i need to remind myself of every way you harmed me to realize that that version only exists in my mind and that the person who stood in front of me was an exact opposite.

You were a sexist. Always talking about what women should wear or do yet clinging to the one success you had in highschool as evidence of your manliness. I remember the countless arguments about "feminism" and why you found it to be such an issue that i identified as a femist. "Its racist against guys", you said. As if i didnt just reminded you that feminism by definition is equality between genders. Said that women and men have their roles and need to stick to them. Well, here i am telling you that you failed at the one thing you thought was right. If your definition of being a man is to provide, care and be the strong one in the relationship, you failed miserably. On normal circumstances i wouldnt give you shit for that but since you're you, you deserve to know that by your own definition you are not a man. By mine, youre just a shitty person. It took my a while after our break up to rekindle my love for feminism. To recognize that im not confined by the expectations of a man, or anyone else for the matter. I was even surprised to see that i was stronger and smarter than i let myself be during our relationship but i guess i wanted to let you feel like something youre not. Yes i grabbed that out of crazy rich asians cause ive never related to anything more.

Lets talk about your racism too. Youre constant need to act "black" yet criticism of the people. Cornrows, rap, streetwear, even words that dont belong to you, youd want. I remember the first time i heard you say the n word. It flew out of your mouth like it was nothing. Id applaud you for agreeing to stop saying it but that would be applauding previous idiocy and ignorance as well as the bare minimum. You still refer to immigrant workers with the lowest of terms. Youre still a racist. That i couldnt change.

While were talking about lack of respect, lets talk about family. As a person who spoke of that being the most important thing, you sure do disrespect your parents often. Im no one to judge family dynamics but act on what you preach. Talking shit about your mum is not respect and neither is shouting at her through the phone after she asks you the most basic of questions about YOUR well being. Again, youre a piece of shit.

I could go on and on listing things you might not even realize but its not my job to tell you what you lack. Just in case you were wondering though, its a lot.

Safe to say that i wish i never met you. Some might say "oh but you learned a lot!" but the damage youve inflicted on me is something ill need years to work on yet i know that you walked away with no remorse or lessons.

I hope you grow or rot in hell. Whatever comes first. Point is, stay the fuck away from me.

With utmost disgust,

Y.

[ariella884]

Voyager Book Club - February Favorite Fics

So I put forth a challenge of sorts to our Voyager Book Club. I asked everyone to pick ONE Voyager fic that they consider to be their favorite. Now, you can imagine, this is pretty freaking hard! There are so many incredible fics out there. I didn’t say it had to be the best written, or the most in character. I gave examples such as: the one you read over and over or your go-to fic, however you want to phrase it. It was pointed out that a favorite fic can change every hour based on your frame of mind and what you are in the mood to read at any one moment. I get it. Even so....I challenged everyone to only pick ONE. And they did it! Or most of them! I got around 20 different favorites picked! So here is the list of our Favorite Voyager Fics, why they were chosen and by whom. Happy Reading!!

Note: Click on the name of the fic for a link to it! Also, this list is in no particular order.

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@curator-on-ao3: ‘Fragile Things’ by @mia-cooper

“Fanfic is about exploring possibilities. That’s what put this fic over the top to be my favorite. In Fragile Things, MiaCooper examines multiple versions of one relationship, pulling different threads to see how things unravel or knit together. It’s thoughtful, it’s meta, it’s realistic as hell, it’s damn good writing — it’s MiaCooper and it’s excellent.”

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@ariella884(yep, that’s me!): ‘2013′ by PCBW (@pcbw)

“I had a hard time choosing my favorite (like most people here), mostly because as i was gathering them all from everyone else I kept seeing ones and going, ‘Oh! I love that one!’.  I also didn’t want to have any duplicates so I had to change mine a couple times, that being said, 2013 is easily one of my top three (which of themselves is almost impossible to pick just one. I’m lucky that my other two were chosen already and I didn’t have to!). I love 2013 because it is a modern AU, without being a completely modern AU. No, that doesn’t make sense. But you get our Janeway and Chakotay, Starfleet officers and all, and you get them in the modern world. It’s incredible! We see the challenges they go through of being taken from everything they know and put into a world that is pretty much unknown to them. Add to that the personal differences they have to work out together. Splash in the normal challenges that we all go through when trying to live a life in this day and age (jobs, house, money, love, family, etc). This is just an incredibly beautiful story that I have read many times and will continue to read over and over. It’s also a long fic and those are my favorite because I like to get completely involved in stories!”

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@mia-cooper: ‘Deceiving’ by QuantumSilver

“Because it starts with a canon event that is absolutely devastating and shows just how devastated Janeway and Chakotay are by it (and Tuvok and Ayala as well, though they only make a brief appearance). It shows Janeway at her absolute best - every last inch the captain, going above and beyond for her crew not just physically but emotionally in spite of the absolutely gut-wrenching cost to her - and it really kicks off with one of my absolute favourite tropes: mutual pining to the Nth Fucking Degree.

It has Chakotay being every bit the commander, backing her up even though he's dying inside, and REFUSING to let her shut herself away even though he KNOWS she's going to want to murder him for pushing and pushing and pushing at her.

And then OH MY GOD, he's deliberately getting on her every last nerve just so he can wrench honesty from her because he knows if she doesn't tell him how badly he's hurt her, how she's absolutely bottomed out because of him, she will never open up to him or anyone else again.

AND THEY DRINK WHISKEY OMG GIVE ME KJ AND C UTTERLY MISERABLE AND DRINKING WHISKEY LIKE IT'S WATER AND PINING LIKE FUCK AND NOT SAYING A WORD BUT BLEEDING TO DEATH FROM THE HEART AND I WILL DIE HAPPY FOREVERRRRRRR

I'm sorry for yelling but this fic makes me want to rip off my clothes and run up and down the street screeching how everybody should read it and they are just BRUTAL with each other and they STILL do not understand, refuse to, CANNOT understand, that the other would not just die for them but MURDER WHOLE FUCKING ARMIES FOR THEM and it's tragic and devastating but then oH MY GOoOoOODDDDD

So that is my favourite fic and the one i read approximately every two months or more if i really hate my writing that day and want to torture myself with How It Should Be Done.”

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@bizships: ‘Fealty’ by MsDisdain

“My favorite story. I honestly don’t have to think about it. It’s one I always go back to.

I love the way the crew pledges their loyalty to her and the way subtle way they tell her that it’s okay that she’s happy too in that they effectively give her Chakotay for her birthday, by way of him “fighting” Tuvok(Starfleet)  for her hand.”

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@arcadia1995: ‘The Space Between’ by lauawill ( @joyful-voyager)

“The Space Between is a story I return to time and time again when I'm feeling down.  I like that it realistically portrays what might have happened between Janeway and Chakotay right after the returned home in Endgame.  I like that no one in the J/C/7 triangle ends up being a bad guy.  I like the hopeful ending and imaging what might have happened after the fade to black (lots of sex!!!)“

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@wishful-thinker-87 : ‘if you came this way’ by tree

“It’s always a go to for me, even though I don’t usually like AUs. The sex is intense and emotional. The characterization is pot on. And we get Phoebe being an awesome sister and some Chakotay/Molly bonding too. What’s not to love?!”

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BlackVelvet: ‘Bluffing the Crowd’ by @ralkana

“Even after years since i read this, just thinking about this story brings a warm fuzzy feeling to my heart and a huge silly grin to my face. I simply love it.”

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@purpledog47: ‘The Future is Ours’ by Dawn

“My favorite is most definitely Dawn’s ‘The Future is Ours. This is my one fic. It’s super long and it tells us what happened after Endgame and it has a little bit of everything in it: angst, romance, hurt/comfort, Q, babyfic, romance.” 

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@amoderngirl: ‘Time and Distance’ by northernexposure

“If I am ever loosing the thread with J/C, I can always read this and I am immediately in love again.”

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@coffeeblack75: ‘Soft Light’ by northernexposure

“There are so many reasons why I love it that I can't even, haha. I'll start with: it was the first piece of fanfic smut I read, so I love it for that reason - my first time haha. More importantly, it is just beautifully, beautifully written - it's plotted beautifully, it flows beautifully and the pacing is spot on. The author has complete control over all of that & over the language, which is just used masterfully. There's so much subtley going on in this story too - the author doesn't spell everything out for us and instead draws us to the details that reveal what is important - the beginnings of these two getting to know each other. Gosh, it's so hard to articulate haha! But lines like this just make me shiver in delight for their beauty and what they reveal: "he was kissing her, with a lot more sweetness than was wise. Ah god, I could go on and on but perhaps I'll finish with my favourite bit, which is when C feels that first stab of lust & realises she might too & tests his theory by blowing softly on the back of her neck. This moment, omg, the moment is just so beautiful, so quiet, so pointed and private and intimate. You really feel that moment as if you are there. Ahhhhh :)

Also….there are two sequels to it that are equally as wonderful ;)  

Oh and one more thing I adore about this story is the way that the C thinks he is lusting after KJ but it is quite obvious he loves her - even before they come together - but he hasn’t realized it yet. The way the author does this is just incredible - so deft! Everything for C is about taking care of KJ … it’s just beautiful.”

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@caladeniablue: ‘Lifeline’ by helenagray ( @picking-daisies-in-the-outfield)

“Why do I like that fic? An unfinished WIP at that (Started in 2013; last update in Jan 2019. No indication how many chapters to go.) The perfect serial story and that's part of the attraction for me.

The first chapter sets the scene: raw Janeway, alone, without the backup of her ship, her crew or Chakotay. Bare of essentials and with only her courage and intelligence and sheer determination to help her survive, and even she wonders how long those will last her.

And while we learn about Chakotay and how he seeks her while the crew has to move on, I am drawn to Janeway most of all.

The fic jumps back and forth across locations and in time from that first chapter to catch up with it again some 20 chapters later, but there is no jarring. The reader knows immediately what KJ is experiencing , but the past events that led to that situation are as important, and that's one of the many attractions of this story. No overlong flashbacks, no tedious info dump. It's all layered, making one wait for the next chapter and the next one, while knowing all the time where KJ has ended up.

The writing is gorgeous, which is a bonus. And it is pure J/C, distilled to its purest by separation.  Perfect.”

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@keiraniels: ‘Bad Ensign’ (Series) by @curator-on-ao3

“Ok so I chose Curator’s ‘Bad Ensign’ because I come back to it often - - it’s such a freaking brilliant idea that I can 100% imagine being canon, and it inspired so many Voyager Bookclubbers to write Bad Ensign stories”

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@cnrothtrek: ‘War Torn’ by @curator-on-ao3

“Why? I had the pleasure of beta reading this story, and I am so glad that I did. It has a great plot, is well-written and perfectly paced, and is hard to put down. The way it pulls together two pieces of canon backstories for Miles O’Brien and Kathryn Janeway is genius. The characters feel so real and their voices can be clearly heard in the text. And the supporting characters of Captain Benjamin Maxwell, Will “Stompie” Kayden, and Molly Walsh are incredible. The story is intense, absorbing, and emotional. I just can’t say enough good things about it.”

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@theshortywrites: ‘The Dragonfly Oath’ by Koneia

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@emmikamikatze: ‘All the Good Things We Never Did’ by northernexposure

“This story brings me to tears, makes me smile and shiver and fear and worry. It's given me phrases that won't leave me, that keep repeating itself in my head even months (years) after first reading it. There's just the right amount of show trivia to make it a fanfiction, but little enough to make it a unique and original story. ne makes me fall in love with these characters all over again as if I didn't know them beforehand.

This story is special and precious and it speaks to me on so many levels I can hardly comprehend how genius it is. It's a literary masterpiece of fanfic if there ever was one.”

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@missmil: ‘Here I Stand’ by lauawill

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@manalyzer13: ‘Gravitation’ by northernexposure

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@grace-among-the-stars: ‘Filling the Void’ by Spiletta42

“Filling the Void is the one fic I always return to. It has my fave ships, JC, PT and D7. Minor characters play major parts and it is just funny. It makes me laugh every time. 

JC’s relationship is really explored from all angles, this is not just your average, ‘the crew get them together fics’, it is so much more. It has sexual tension, smut, humour, sadness and is pure JC BLISS. It always cheers me up and I was so happy when Spiletta42 added it to Ao3 because this meant so many more people would find it.”

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Anonymous: ‘Bent, Not Broken’ by @killermanatee

“This is an incredible hurt/comfort Janeway/Chakotay fic. The story is painfully written from both characters' perspectives, showing how each is suffering in a different way from the traumatic event that has occurred. In the end, their love for each other will help them come together and they will both be able to heal with time, comfort, and support from one another. This is a beautifully told, emotionally heavy story of one couple's love overcoming tragedy. It is my favorite Janeway/Chakotay fic, and I recommend it to anyone who wants to read a heartbreaking yet fulfilling story.”

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@minakotenjou: ‘Mysterious and Curious’ by @h4t08 

“It was so hard to choose - there are a lot of incredible fanfics out there. This was one of the first...shall we say spicier J/C fics I read and for some reason I still think of it often. It's great smut for sure, but I think it stuck with me because of how it all gets tied together at the end.”

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@leisylaura: ‘The Bitter End’ by @mia-cooper

“We have post endgame books but not one about the original timeline, I remember reading “The bitter end” and thinking “this is it, this is what happened”.  I cried from beginning to end.”

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@killermanatee: ‘The Dying of the Light’ by @cnrothtrek

"This fic is such a gorgeous piece of art. I hadn't seen the TNG episode before reading it and when I did watch it I was very disappointed because this fic is just on such a completely different level. The storytelling is so delicate and intriguing, that combined with the poignant and elegant writing style, so that it was impossible to put my phone down. I can't recommend this fic highly enough."

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@cheile: ‘Marooned’ by Soliquilii9 (aka Running Horse)

“I love how she makes the story unfold in slow steady measures.  Also, she filled in the gaps left by the writers in regards to his heritage by using information from her own Cherokee background and it is done naturally (not in an info dump type manner). “

__________

What do you think of our list of Voyager favorites? Do you have a favorite that isn’t on this list? Reply to this post with your favorite!! And if you haven’t read ALL of these fics yet, I strongly suggest you get started!! Have fun and enjoy!!

[toothpastecanyon]

Noie’s Brother, Chapter 21: Rewrite

FINISHED!! Thank you @feferipeixes for betaing this story!

Fate sometimes rhymed, but Alcor felt like this one was a little on the  nose. A newborn Mizar fading away in the hospital and a loving father  pleading to him from behind a circle of candles.

Fate sometimes  rhymed, but Naomi Argenta just wants this stupid vampire to stop  harassing her brother. It’s making him go… weird.

See most updated version on Archive of Our Own.

______________________________________________________________

 Noie had to run. She dashed down the halls, clutching a textbook to her chest and forcing air in and out of her mouth. The door was just to the right - she was nearly there, nearly there, there!

                 She crashed into the door and staggered into a lecture hall full of people. A few turned to look at her - she reddened at that - but most of them paid no attention.

                 The professor continued talking, and she slipped past him to take her seat.

                 “-in microeconomics, it is often observed that the opportunity cost - which is the cost incurred by not choosing the next best option, for those of us who need a reminder - the opportunity cost is often evaluated in terms of…”

                 Noie reached the back of the class, and slid into place beside an elven woman in fuzzy pyjamas. The woman cracked a smile at Noie as she hurriedly unzipped her backpack.

                 “Someone likes to be fashionably late.”

                 “I know, I know.” She took out her magi-orb. “It wasn’t my fault this time, the library printer jammed while I was trying to print out- Oh, what did I miss?”

                 “Uh, econ stuff?”

                 “Bea…” Noie stared down at her empty desk. “Why don’t you take notes?”

 (And stars, she thought, she sounded just like Dipper there)

                 “Don’t need ‘em. I know this shit already.”

                 “Really?”

                 “Yeah.” Bea winked at her. “I know lots of things, Silver. You coming to debate club tonight?”

                 Noie made a face as she opened her textbook. “I don’t know. I don’t think I did very well.”

                 “I would argue that’s inaccurate.”

                 “I got yelled at for speaking out of turn.”

                 “Yeah, and the look on your face was fucking hilarious.” Bea chuckled and nudged her. “Hey, you forgot the rules for a second. Big whoop. You’re new. Come back, alright? I liked your section.”

                 “Really?”

                 “Yeah, you made good points and all that. And you didn’t talk like a mile a minute, so I could actually hear ‘em, too.”

                 “Oh.” Noie flashed a smile at her. “Thanks. Uh, I guess I could go back, then?”

                 “You’re guessing correctly, Silver.” Bea looked at her for a moment. “So… you gonna boot up that magi-orb of yours anytime soon?”

                 “Huh? Oh, right!”

                 Noie fiddled around with the base of the orb until she found the button. It was a strange thing, like a crystal ball mounted on top of some hardware. It booted up and instantly went to her notes, which was convenient but… weird, that it knew exactly what she wanted.

                 Magitech was weird, Noie thought. She didn’t really like it.

______________________________________________________________

                 Noie lay on her bunk bed, absentmindedly scrolling through her phone as her magi-orb sat open on her lap. The dorm around her was small, but cozy. It was a little messy, with some clothes on the floor and a couple papers strewn around her desk, but clean enough for a college student.

                 Besides, the clothes weren’t hers. There was laughter and the jangle of keys; Noie cut her eyes towards the door as it opened.

                 “-did not do that!” A woman burst into the room with raucous laughter. “Hahaha, J, you’re such an asshole! Get outta here! Go! I’ll see you later!”

                 She then slammed the door, loud. Noie raised her eyebrows.

                 “Hi, Val.”

                 “Huh?” Val looked over at her. “Oh, yo, Noie! How’s it going!”

                 “Uh, pretty good.” She switched off her phone. “Just doing my homework.”

                 At that, Val chuckled. “You’re always doing your homework, aren’t you?” She took off her jacket and dropped it on the floor. “When do you even have fun, dude?”

                 “I have fun!”

                 “Oh, yeah?”

                 “I do!” Noie curled up a bit. “I’ll have you know, I’m the fun twin.”

                 “Hah! So where’d you go last night, again?”

                 “...Debate club, but-”

                 Val cut her off there with a cackling laugh, and Noie scowled. She turned back to her phone.

                 “No, no, dude,” Val tapped the side of bed, still chuckling. “We’re cool, dude, we’re cool. You do whatever nerdy shit you like, okay? I don’t care. I love it.”

                 Noie shot her a tight smile, and she snorted.

                 “Aw, come on, dude, take a joke.” She looked around the room. “Yo, did you clean up in here again? It looks great!”

                 “Yeah. I did the bathroom, too.”

                 “Man, that is awesome! You’re awesome! See,” Val reached over and nudged her shoulder. “this is why I like you! I don’t have to worry about anything when I’m here!”

                 “That’s-”

                 “Oh, was gonna tell ya! I’m not gonna be here over the weekend - I’m going over to Joss’s.” She grinned at Noie. “He’s gonna throw, like, the best halloween party - dude, I can’t wait. It’s gonna be lit.”

                 “That sounds cool. What costume are you wearing?”

                 Val only sniggered in response. Noie looked over at her.

                 “What?”

                 “Nothing, dude, nothing. Oh my stars, you’re      precious,     did you know that? I love you.”

                 “What?” She raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

                 “Oh, you’ll understand when you’re older.”

                 “We’re… the same age? What do you mean?”

                 Val just shook her head and took her phone out. She disappeared under the bottom bunk, and Noie rolled her eyes.

                 “Oh-kay. Good chat. Whatever.” She stared at her phone for a few seconds, then kicked off her covers. “I’m going outside.”

                 “Mhm… What did you say?”

                 Noie stalked across the room and out into the hall, fist balled around her phone as she brought up Dipper’s number.

                 Outside, she called him up. Her phone rang once, twice, and then put his face on screen.

                 Dipper’s face. She just got a look at his fuzzy beard before he adjusted the camera. He was lying on the floor, surrounded by papers, and he shot her a crooked smile.

                 “Hey, Noie! Just doing homework, what’s up?”

                     “Oh my stars I am turning into you.”  

                 “What?”

                 “No, no, it’s fine. It’s fine.” Noie laughed it off nervously. “Heyyy, Dipper! Dipperino. How you doing, bro?”

                 “Pretty good!” He looked down at his papers, and shrugged. “Just, uh… just doing homework. What’s up with you?”

                 “You know what people do at a Halloween party?”

                 “A Halloween party? Uh… dress up, I g-”

                 “Yeah! So I’m not crazy!” Noie paced underneath a tree. “That’s what I told my roommate, but she seemed to think I was being stupid about it or something!”

                 “Oh, that-”

                 “And she still acts like I’m her maid or something! What’s up with that? I got 24 hours in my day just like her; why do I have to spend my time cleaning up our room while she goes partying!”

                 Dipper made a face. “Yeah, I’m sorry, Noie. That really sucks.”

                 “Ugh.      Ugh.”     She rolled her eyes. “Roommates.”

                 “Heh, yeah.”

                 “What, you got roommate troubles like me?”

                 “Oh, no, I just - I was just sympathising. Roy’s cool!” Dipper gave a thumbs up to someone offscreen, then smiled back at her. “We made a chore wheel.”

                 Noie slumped against the tree. “Oh, I      wish    Val would agree to a chore wheel. I even made one up for her and hung it on the wall, but she didn’t even notice it!”

                 “Did you… tell her it was there?”

                 “No, but she’s gone all the time, I never remember to talk to her when she’s there.” Noie’s frown deepened. “Besides, why’s that even my responsibility? She’s an adult, just like me! She should know how to do her stupid chores by now; I shouldn’t have to tell her to do it!”

                 “Yeah…” Dipper made a face. “Yeah. What are you gonna do now?”

                 “What do you mean?”

                 “I mean, maybe you could talk to an RA, or-”

                 “Ugh, I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to blow it into a massive thing - I mean, it’s fine! I’ll survive.” She shrugged at him. “I dunno. Am I being a downer? I’ll stop being a downer now.”

                 “No, no, you don’t have to-”

                 “So, how’s the week been treating you, bro?” Noie crossed her legs and leaned forwards. “Is it just more of the homeworks for you, or…?”

                 “No, no, actually, I went to, uh, spellcasting club, actually!” Before she could open her mouth, he added: “Online. They stream it, and you can join the stream. And I-I wasn’t participating - obviously - but it was cool.” He grinned, and his eyes twinkled with excitement. “Really cool. And the teacher stayed later, and we had this whole conversation about enchantments… you’re probably not interested in the details, but it was really fascinating!”

                 Noie beamed at him “Aww, yeah! That sounds so cool, bro! I’m so glad you got to do that.”

                 “Yeah!” He rubbed the back of his neck. “And, uh, I don’t have class Wednesday, so I went back and visited Grandpa.”

                 “How’s he!”

                 “Doing okay! Doing okay… He says he misses you.”

                 “Hah! Good one.”

                 She laughed at that, but Dipper didn’t join in. “No, seriously,” he said. “He was talking about how he can’t wait to see us all back together on Christmas.”

                 “Oh yeah?”

                 “Yeah.” Dipper’s voice lowered. “I… I think he’s kinda lonely in the house, Noie. You know… ever since Grandma…”

                 He trailed off there, and she looked away. She stared at a little patch of grass off to the right, and it was quiet for a moment. The only sound was the rustle of the wind.

                 “Yeah…” Noie felt herself say. She cleared her throat. “Yeah, I bet he… is.”

                 There was a noise on Dipper’s end as a door opened and closed. He sighed. “Yeah.”

                 There was a pause, as he seemed to think over his next words. Then:

                 “Have you thought about… giving him a call this week?”

                 Noie made a face. “Yeah, I should… I should do that.”

                 “You don’t have to, but he’d like that, I think.”

                 “No, no, I should. You’re right, I should.” She shrugged. “I just, I dunno… I don’t know what to say, I guess?”

                 “That’s understandable. Maybe just something like hi, how are you doing? Then go from there. It doesn’t have to be long.”

                 “Yeah… you’re right. You’re right, I’ll do that.” She looked back at him, and managed a smile. “Thanks, Dipper. I love you.”

                 “I love you too, Noie.”

                 She beamed at that. “Man, I just wanna hug you right now! Why aren’t there video hugs? Someone needs to get on that!”

                 “Heh, that would be cool.”

                 “And I just wanna poke your cute little beard, too. I love it.”

                 Dipper’s hand went to his chin. “Cute? I mean, thanks, but I don’t think cute is the right-”

                 “It’s soooo cuuute and soooo little-”

                 “Okay, ha ha. You’re very funny.”

                 “And you’re a big dork.” She snickered at him. “It looks great, bro. I’m just teasing.”

                 “Really?”

                 “Yeah!”

                 “It doesn’t look too thin, or-”

                 “Nope! It looks great on you, seriously.”

                 “Oh… thanks!” He stroked it, and grinned. “Thanks, Noie!”

                 “Anytime.” She watched as he shuffled through some papers. “Welp, I won’t keep you. Have a good day, Dipper!”

                 “Thanks, you too! See you on Friday!”

                 “See you on Friday,” Noie said, and the video feed shut off with a beep. She stared down at her phone, and found herself still smiling.

                 It was good to talk to Dipper, she thought. Things never felt as bad after one of their chats.

                 She didn’t go back to her dorm right away. She turned her phone off, and just sat on the grass for a little while.

                 It was peaceful. It was nice.

______________________________________________________________

     >im at the parking lot. wheres this place again?  

     >Down the main street where all the shops are on the right, you’ve probs passed it before. It’s got a black sign that says ‘Tree’s Teas’  

     >If we see you pass by we’ll all scream for you. You won’t miss us ;)  

                 Noie made a face at that last text from Bea as she walked down the street. Hopefully she wouldn’t miss this place.

                 “Alright,” she said, and looked up at the signs. “Tree’s Teas, Tree’s Teas. Where are you?”

                 She passed by sign after sign, glanced in window after window. It was a hot day; there weren’t very many people out on the streets, and she could feel the sun beating down on her hair.

                 Why they were going for tea on a day like this, Noie had no idea, but she still felt her heart skip a beat as she caught sight of the sign.

                 They were going to tea. They.  

                 Noie took a deep breath, and opened the door.

                 “Is that who I think it is?” Bea’s voice came with a rush of cool air. She was sitting by a group of other students, waving her over. “Ey, Silver! You found us!”

                 She laughed nervously. “I, uh, found you! Hi Bea, hi…”

                 She recognised a few faces from debate club, but not their names. The others were even more of a mystery - thank the stars Bea immediately launched into an introduction.

                 “You know Gus and Meena from Tuesday. And, ah-” She pointed a finger at the other three. “That’s Sara, Mako, and, uh - what’s your name? Heh, just kidding, dude - he’s Jess.”

                 Noie tried for a wave. “Hi. I’m… Noie. Nice to meet you?”

                 “Yo, Noie.”

                 “Nice to meet you too!”

                 “Hi!”

                 Smiles and greetings filtered in, and she allowed herself a smile. Maybe this would be fun.

                 “Cool! Nice to, uh… So, I just get a drink, and we study together?” Noie looked over at the menu; there were a staggering number of options there. “Jeez, these guys are serious about their tea, huh? Think they’ll kick me out if I order a soda?”

                 Bea snorted. “Blasphemy, Silver. No, you gotta order a tea! They’re really good here!”

                 “Alright… which one should I do?”

                 “Dude, you should get the macha!” One guy - was he Gus? - held up his drink. “It’s my favourite!”

                 “Or you should try the chai!”

                 “Or apple cinnamon!”

                 Noie made a face. “Thanks? I guess I’ll, uh, pick one of those.”

                 “Or I could go up there with you?” One of them, a woman with bright purple hair, looked up. She spoke quietly. “I, um, I work here, actually, so I could walk you through it…”

                 “Oh, that sounds great.” Noie smiled at her. “Sara, right?”

                 “Yeah.” She got up from her magi-orb. “Alright. And I can give you my, my employee discount, too.”

                 “Oh, sweet! Thanks!”

                 Bea waved at them as they went over to wait in line. There was an awkward silence as they stood there, just a little too far away from the group and not entirely sure what to say to one another.

                 Noie cleared her throat. “So,” she started. “You like… tea?”

                 “Yeah…” Sara nodded. “I get a free cup every shift.”

                 “Oh. Sweet. That’s… fan-tea-ast… uh…”

                 “What?”

                 “Bad pun, sorry. Butchered that.”

                 “Oh…”

                 They moved forward in line. Noie glanced her way, and then scuffed her foot on the tile. Oh, stars, she shouldn’t have tried a pun. Now this lady probably thought she was a weirdo.

                 “Hey,” Sara looked over at her. “Were you from Diamondback High?”

                 At that, Noie frowned. “Yeah? Why?”

                 “I went there too!”

                 “What?”

                 “Yeah, I remember you from my history class senior year.” She smiled at Noie. “You have a brother, right?”

                “Yeah, Dipper! He’s going to SASU, he’s my twin.”

                 “Ohmystarsyouretwins.”  

                 “What, you didn’t know?”

                 “No! I- well, duh, you guys were in the same year, I should’ve figured it out.” She smacked her head, and Noie chuckled. “I’m dumb, ignore me.”

                 “No, no, it’s cool.” She picked at her shirt. “Seriously, we were in the same history class?”

                 “Yeah! You don’t recognise me?”

                 “I… uh-”

                 “I get it, don’t worry about it.” She ran a hand through her purple hair. “I didn’t have this until I went to college. Trust me, I look pretty generic without it.”

                 “No, your face looks really nice!” Noie blinked. “I mean - sorry, I didn’t mean to be weird-”

                 “You’re fine. You’re fine. Thank you, Noie.” Sara grinned at her. “You know, I, uh, always wanted to talk to you. Back in highschool.”

                 “Really? Why?”

                 “I dunno, you guys - you and Dipper - you seemed like really cool people. To me.” A little red was sneaking into her face. “I dunno, you guys just seemed like you were always having fun with each other, and… I dunno. I dunno, it seemed cool.”

                 Noie stared at her for a moment before cracking a smile. “Aw. You should’ve.”

                 “Yeah, I should’ve! I, uh… I dunno. I’m kind of… bad with people. Sorry.”

                 “No, don’t apologise!” She hesitated, and then bumped Sara’s shoulder. “No time like the present, huh?”

                 “Yeah. Yeah! Nice to meet you, Noie.”

                 “Nice to meet you too…”

                 “Sara.”

                 “Sara, sorry. Bad with names.”

                 “No, it’s totally okay-”

                 “Hi! Are you ready to order?”

                 Noie and Sara stared at the cashier waving them forwards, and then blinked at each other.

                 “Oh… oh!” Noie turned to the person standing behind them. “Why don’t you go ahead of us? I still need to decide.”

                 After a moment, Noie ordered her tea, and sat back down among the group. It was a little new, a little awkward to sit with so many people… but the longer she sat there, the more she was aware of a great big beaming grin on her face. It was nice to be here - really nice.

                 She sat back, and sipped her tea, and let the hours slip by.

______________________________________________________________

                 11:47. Dammit, she should be at class by now.

                 “Come on, submit!” Noie stabbed a finger at her magi-orb. “Submit! Submit, you stupid thing!”

                 It kept loading. She huffed and stomped her feet into her shoes.

                 “Come on, come on… wait, no internet? Seriously?!” Noie tapped aggressively at the white error message that popped up. “No! No, you can’t do this to me! What happened? Did the internet go down? Arghhh, I don’t have time for this!”

                 She paced around the room for a second, hands on her temples. She      had     to submit her slideshow - the presentation was in ten minutes! Why did she always do this to herself?!

                 “I gotta… I gotta fix this.” Noie clicked to troubleshoot her wifi problems, hesitated, then opened her desk. She hadn’t cleaned it out since highschool - maybe she had a USB in here or something?

                     Stars,     she hoped she did. She rifled through random papers and pieces of old homework, growing increasingly desperate as the minutes ticked by too fast and      oh fuck it was 11:50 now she was definitely going to be late-  

                 “Oh!” Noie happened upon something small and grey and rectangular - a USB! “Oh, yes! Thank you thank you thank you!”

                 She kissed it and then plugged it into her magi-orb. After pulling up her files, she copied her slideshow and went over to paste it into the USB’s drive-

                 And there, she paused. Frowned.

                 “Huh?” She moused over a file titled ‘For_Naomi.mov’. “It’s… for me? What is this?”

                 She had never seen this before in her life… or had she? The longer she stared at it, the more      something    came back to her; an awful feeling of déjà vu flooded through her like ice in her veins, and she felt her heart beat faster. She felt her head begin to pound behind her eyes. She stared longer, and she almost saw flashes of something, someone, a dark figure looming over her, digging its claws into her stomach      and ripping out-  

                 Noie staggered back, panting hard. She was shaking all over.

                 “What the…? The fuck?” Noie felt her stomach, then looked back up at the screen. “What the fuck?”

                 Nothing answered her. The only sound was the hum of the air conditioner. She gulped down air, and tried to steady her heartbeat.

                 She shuffled forwards. “Well… that was…” she tapped the screen to minimise the file. “That was… something. Okay. Oh-kay.”

                 Her head had stopped hurting, but everything still felt strange. She stood over the magi-orb, just breathing for a moment. In, and out. In, and out.

                 In, and her eye was drawn to the clock. 11:53. She let it out in a sigh.

                 “I’m gonna be so late.”

                 Noie glanced down at the USB, and grimaced at the way it set her brain tingling - it was like pins and needles inside her skull. Whatever was on it, whatever that file was…

                 She’d deal with it later.

                 The presentation was twenty percent of her grade, and the internet hadn’t come back, and this still seemed like a perfectly fine USB, so she took a deep, shuddering breath and decided to brush over this for now.

                 She copied her slide onto the drive, rubbing her head and trying not to look at the file with her name on it.

                 This was fine, she thought. Everything was fine.

                 Her head hurt when she wondered what was on it, so she tried not to think too hard about that. She thought about getting her keys and getting her bag and getting out the door. On the way to her class, Noie rehearsed her lines, pointedly ignoring the weight in her pocket.

                 There was a flash of something as Noie tiptoed into the back of class. It was cold in here, but she was sweating. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something terrible… had happened? Was happening?

                 She stared through every presenter, tapping the desk with the USB. The weight of it, the slight curve to it that fit around her thumb-

picking it up from the ground gripping it shouting where’d he go WHERE’D HE GO-  

                 “Naomi Argenta?”

                 Noie stiffened. The man who called her name      had wings and a suit and glowing yellow eyes-     then he was just her professor.

                 “Do you have your presentation?”

                 “P… presentation?” Noie nodded, stiffly. “Yes. Yes, I-I have it. I just need to plug it… in.”

                 “Alright. You’re next.”

tore apart the angel horrible screams looking at her like YOU’RE NEXT-  

                 The presentation was… awkward. Noie liked to think she was an okay public speaker - she didn’t need to rehearse something a million times to sound natural. That day, though, she really wished she had a script to fall back on; she stumbled through her words, talking fast, breathing fast, gripping the microphone with white knuckles and trying to think past the pain behind her eyes and the flashes in her vision-

                 “A-and there was, there was this presi-, uh, president, Ch-Chancellor-”

A voice in her ear, a laugh, “a very pro-nat President you guys elected a hundred years or so back-”  

                 She got through it, and was met by scattered applause. Class was nearly over. She took the USB, and sat back down at her desk.

desk and looking over at dipper knowing what he is KNOWING WHAT HE IS-  

                 What was going on? What was happening to her? She groaned into her hands, acutely aware of the heads she was turning right now; just a little longer, then she’d be able to go back to her dorm. Just a little longer, then she’d be able to sort this out.

                     ...Stars, she hoped Val wouldn’t be there.

                 The pain behind her eyes just kept pounding away at her, and it felt like eons before this class was finally dismissed. As soon as she heard chairs moving, Noie stumbled out of her seat and started off on the walk across campus.

                 It usually wasn’t that bad of a walk, but today it seemed to drag on. Time seemed to stretch, and suddenly each footstep

                                                                                                                                                                                                               felt like

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              an

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              eternity.

Leon’s eyes. They closed, and accepted their fate.  

I want you to know that I don’t regret a thing.  

                 A man’s voice echoed from the pain behind her eyes, and Noie staggered into her dorm room. Her eyes went right to Val’s bed; when they saw it empty, they fixed on the magi-orb.

                 Slowly, almost reverently, Noie took the USB out of her pocket. She was going to find out what was on it

and why there was a part of her that already knew.  

                 She closed the door. Locked the door. Walked to the magi-orb, and sat herself down before it.

                 Breathed. In, and out.

                 Plugged the USB into the base. Saw her name once again - ‘For_Naomi.mov’.

                 Clicked on it

                 and watched

                 and felt the pressure behind her eyes suddenly      pop    and-

                 Oh. Oh.  

                 Oh, no.  

______________________________________________________________

                 It was dark in Noie’s dorm. The lights were off - had been off all through the night - and the early morning sun glowed against the blinds.

                 Noie was there. Lying in bed, on top of her covers. Her phone screen illuminated the deep bags under her eyes, the creases on her forehead, the sheen of sweat that had collected in her hairline.

                 She hadn’t slept all night. How could she? If she closed her eyes, she’d start thinking, and if she started thinking, she’d think about her brother and how he was      Alcor the Dreambender     and how it felt to have his claws dig into her belly and-

                 Noie felt her whole body shiver. She shifted in bed a bit, and stared down at her phone.

                 No. No, she wasn’t going to think about that. It didn’t seem real.

                 Maybe it wasn’t real.

                 Maybe this was all, like, a really intense dream she’d had. All that stuff with the angel and the vampire and… him, that wasn’t her life! That wasn’t the kind of person she was! It wasn’t!

                 Noie could see her hands. Her palms were sweaty - in the darkness, the shine looked a little like blood.

                 She gulped.      It wasn’t.  

                It couldn’t be.  

                She didn’t stab him.  

______________________________________________________________

                 Noie woke to the sound of her phone ringing. She groaned; her head felt awful, and when she moved a hand to cover her face she felt the weight of her phone - she’d gone to sleep with it in her hands.

                 Why’d she do that? And why was it… night outside? She sat up, and looked down at her phone.

                 Dipper Argenta was calling her.

                 She saw his face, and everything came back to her like a kick in the teeth - oh, god. The phone rang again, and she flinched and tossed it to the ground.

                 It sat there, ringing, ringing, ringing. Noie curled up tight and plugged her ears with shaking hands.

                     Ringing.  

                                     Ringing.  

                                                     Ringing.  

                 …

                 Silence.

                 She sniffed, and opened her eyes. Her phone was lying still on the carpet; she stared at it for a second, and then shuffled out of bed to pick it up.

                 Her stomach growled as she got to her feet. Her legs felt weak. She knelt down, and picked up her phone, tapped the screen, squinted as it turned on.

6:23  

Friday, October 29  

Dipper Argenta - Missed call

                 Noie sighed. Of course… she was supposed to call him today. What the fuck was she supposed to do about that?

                 The phone rang again. Noie jerked back and banged her elbow on the edge of her desk.

                 “Ow! Fuck!” She jerked it back, and glared at the phone. “Argh, Dipper, you… you demon.”

                 It felt weird to say it out loud.  The phone kept ringing, ringing, ringing, and she opened her mouth.

                 “You… You…” She stared at his dorky profile picture, the one they’d taken on a trip to the Grand Canyon last year.

                 She stared at the gentle grin on his face, the way his hand came up to stroke his patchy stubble. And to think, all this time, buried underneath that, underneath him…

                 “Y-” she tried, but her throat had gone tight. The words wouldn’t come. Her phone finally stopped ringing, and her brother's smiling face faded to black.

                 Noie took a deep, shuddering breath, and turned off her phone.

______________________________________________________________

Maybe this wasn’t that big a deal.  

                 It was three in the morning on a Saturday, and Noie was wondering if, you know, maybe it wasn’t the end of the world if her brother was a meaty shell formed around a bloodthirsty demon. He was still a demon, yeah, but as long as the demony bits like the wings and the claws and the urge to kill stayed locked away, you’d never be able to tell!

                 So in a way, nothing had changed, right? Just don’t bring up the demon thing, and it could still be normal between them.

                 Noie stared up at the ceiling. She stared up at the moment she slit her brother’s throat, at the terror shining in his eyes, the terror      of her.    She stared until she couldn’t anymore, and pressed her hands to her face.

                     Stars, she never wanted to see that again as long as she lived. If she could get things even halfway normal after that, well…

                 Well, she didn’t know.

                 …

                 She didn’t know what she wanted to do.

______________________________________________________________

                 Noie didn’t know what time it was. She didn’t know what day it was. But sometime late at night on her magi-orb, she heard keys jangle outside her dorm. Her heart caught in her throat as the handle turned; for a moment, she imagined she’d see Dipper on the other end, see his golden eyes glowing in the darkness, see-

                 See her roommate Val peek her head in, then raise her eyebrows as she caught sight of her.

                 “Wow, you still awake?” Val cracked a smile. “Lemme guess: some kinda homework shit. Am I right or am I right?”

                 Noie tried to form words, but they caught in her throat. She just stared as Val shut the door.

                 “You not gonna say anything?” A pause. Val’s chuckles died off. “No? You, uh… you alright there, dude? Noie?”

                 She just shook her head. A sob came out of her, and suddenly the lights came on.

                 “Whoa, whoa!” Val stood on the ladder, her bewildered expression looming over Noie. “What’s the matter, dude? What are you doing? Why are you surrounded by… soup cans? And- are those      dry noodles?     What the fuck?”

                 Noie tried to cover them with a blanket. “I-it’s fine… Val, d-don’t-”

                 “Uh, no it isn’t? You look like you haven’t slept all weekend, dude.”

                 “I-”

                 “And your hair. Eugh. When’s the last time you showered, ‘cause it’s officially been too long.”

                 Noie clenched her fists. “I-it’s      fine,     Val. Leave me alone.”

                 “Oh, come on. I’m only trying to help.”

                     “Leave me alone!”     She snapped, and watched Val flinch away. She sighed. “Sorry. Look, it’s just… it’s just complicated, okay? Thank you for the offer, but it’s just… you can’t help, so just leave me alone. Please.” She turned back to her magi-orb. “Let me figure this out.”

                 There was a moment of silence as she tapped away at the screen. Val shuffled her feet, then cleared her throat.

                 “Okay.” She said. Then: “You wanna smoke?”

                 “What?”

                 “I just got a pack, if you wanna-”

                 “No! Just leave me alone!”

                 Val put up her arms. “Okay, okay, you don’t have to be rude about it. Sheesh.” She then turned off the lights. “Well, I’m going to sleep. Good luck with your issues, dude.”

                  She got into her own bed, and Noie sat there in silence. She looked at her magi-orb; there were several articles it had automatically pulled up on demons, and she’d been reading through them before Val came in. As she stared, another one popped up: ‘Fight with your roommate? Browse over 50+ listings in your area with roam4homes.com’

                 Noie turned it off in disgust. Stupid magi-orb - what was she even doing up this late?

                 …She had a class in the morning, didn’t she. What was it, Tuesday now?      Ugh,     yeah, there was no way she was going to that. She felt awful; her head was pounding, and her hands were trembling, and her hair felt dirty and there were little shards of hard pasta in her bed and she was still kinda hungry…

                 Noie put her face in her hands. This was… she couldn’t go on like this. She was going to fail college. She needed to, to talk to Dipper, maybe, or maybe not… well, she needed to come to a decision about whether she was going to talk to Dipper or not. She needed to do      something    to resolve this… but what?

                 She sighed, deeply, then dragged a hand down her face. She looked over at her phone, picked it up, and just held it in her hands. She hadn’t turned it on since Friday; there were bound to be a lot of missed calls on there.

                 Yep, it was probably going to make her feel awful.

                 Yep…

                 …

                 Her stomach growled. She hesitated, and then sat up in bed.

                 Maybe she should get something to eat first.

______________________________________________________________

                 “Here’s your order, ma’am. One crispy fried fish taco and a medium soda.”

                 “Thank you so much!”

                 “Thank you for stopping by, have a good night.”

                 “You too, dude!”

                 Noie stopped for a minute to smell her order before placing it on the seat next to her and driving off. It smelled nice and warm and fishy; Bea said it made her car stink - and yeah, maybe it was a little strong - but she couldn’t see why it smelled bad. It brought her back to drive-through dinners, her grandfather piling everyone into the car and setting out on the road. They used to do them a lot after Allie stopped cooking… it was fun, back then, sitting in a car with her family all around her. It was comforting, and right now, a little comfort sounded good.

                 Noie parked her car under a streetlight in a near-empty parking lot. She took a deep breath, and let it out. She looked at her phone, which sat still turned off in a cupholder.

                 She took a bite of her taco, chewed a little… and then turned it on. It booted slowly; the silence hung for a few, awful moments, before it came to life.

                 The first thing she saw was the time: it was 3:30 in the morning. Then there were her missed calls. She had twenty. Her texts were filled up, too - one of them was from Bea asking to hang out, but the rest were all Dipper:

Sent last Friday at 6:31pm      

>You there?  

>Today is our weekly meeting, btw. That’s why I’m calling.  

Sent last Friday at 6:40pm      

>Let me know when you want to reschedule!  

Sent last Saturday at 8:06pm      

>Are you okay?  

Sent last Saturday at 9:17pm      

>If you’re busy with homework or something that’s fine. Just text me when you get this.  

Sent last Sunday at 11:57pm      

>Please call me, Noie.  

                 Oh… whoops. Noie could feel herself cringing into her seat as she scrolled through his messages. Yep, that was… expected. He was probably worried sick by now, and at that she gave a dry smile.

                 Her brother, Alcor the Dreambender, was worried sick about her. Stars, but it was true, wasn’t it? He used to get worried if she got home from work too late; she only could imagine how frantic he’d be after getting ghosted for a whole weekend.

                 Noie had no idea what she was going to do with him, but the pang in her stomach made her type out a short reply:

Sent last Tuesday at 3:37pm      

>Still alive. Sorry.  

                 She sent it off, and took another bite of her taco. Now he was probably going to call her in the morning. What she was going to say to that, she had no-

                 Bzzzing!  

                 Noie jumped. “Aaah!” She yelped and glanced down at her phone. Dipper was calling. “Seriously? You’re calling me now? It’s three in the- ugh.”

                 She hit the ignore button, hesitated, then went over to her messages. She could already see Dipper typing something up, so she rolled her eyes and sent a text.

>go to bed, ding dong. well talk in the morning ok?  

                 Dipper’s typing paused for a second, and then continued. She snorted a little at that, then brushed some taco crumbs off of her pyjamas.

                 His replies popped up in rapid succession:

>Are you okay?  

>What happened Friday?  

>Also you should go to bed too, it’s 3 in the morning. Don’t you have French at 10 tomorrow?  

                 Despite everything, Noie found herself smiling at his texts. This was so, so... Dipper of him. This was the brother she knew, not Alcor, not some kind of demon.

                 She made a face.

                 Even though… that wasn’t true, was it. Because. Dipper was a demon. The brother she knew had always been a demon.

It’s still me. This is still… me.  

                    Always. She just… hadn’t seen it before, hadn’t known, hadn’t wanted to know-

“Noie?” She watches him stagger back, fall against the binding circle. “Y-your eyes… what’s going on?!”  

                       -let people tell her who she wanted him to be, and then…

her hands on the knife across his throat. her hands feeling the tug of parting skin. her hands covered in warm, golden blood, her hands, her hands, HER HANDS-  

                 Noie didn’t realise she was crying until she felt a sob rip through her body. She’d dropped her phone; with shaking hands and blurry eyes, she fished it out of her lap and turned it on.

                 There was another text from Dipper.

Sent last Tuesday at 3:45pm      

>Just call me after that class, okay? Love you, hope everything’s okay. Sleep well <3  

                 Noie stared down at that text, sniffed, and then smiled. It didn’t last long, though; she thought about what she had to do in the morning, and sobbed into her steering wheel.

                 It was a while before she could bring herself to drive home.

______________________________________________________________

                 Val had left. The door was locked. Her phone was fully charged, and open on Dipper’s phone number. Noie had even dressed herself for the occasion; she passed some time just looking through her t-shirts, waiting for things to feel right.

                 Eventually, she sat down at her desk, took in a deep breath, and let it out. There was nothing left to delay this with anymore… but for a moment, she stared at the wood grain on her desk, at the morning sun shining in and putting a soft glow on her carpet.

                 It had been a weird night. She’d cried a lot. Questioned life. Wondered what the fuck she was going to tell Dipper. Came to a decision, thought it was a terrible idea, talked herself out of it… and then talked herself back into it after every other solution seemed to work out worse.

                 After all that, she finally felt… not calm, but quiet inside, if that made sense. There was an uneasy stillness in her mind, a lull in her thoughts; it was like she’d worried so much about this conversation that she’d exhausted her ability to worry at all. At this point, whatever happened, happened.

                 All she needed to do was get this over with, so Noie looked back down at her phone, pressed the call button, and waited.

                 It rang once.

                 Then it picked up.

                 “Noie!”

                 Dipper. Noie grit her teeth at his face. “Hey,” she said, and then nothing more. Dipper hesitated a moment before replying.

                 “Uh, hi! Hi!” There was relief in his voice. “Oh, I’m      so glad     to hear from you! I couldn’t reach you all weekend - I-I thought maybe you’d lost your phone, I didn’t want to freak out Grandpa so I just- I- what happened?” He stared at her unsmiling face. “Is everything okay?”

                 “Everything’s…” Noie tried for a smile. “Um, it’s nice to see you.”

                 He frowned. “It’s nice to see you too? Also, it’s ten fifteen - aren’t you supposed to be at French? You didn’t have to-”

                 “Are you alone?”

                 “What?” He looked around his room. “Uh, I think Roy’s at class for the next hour. Why?”

                 Noie just stared at her brother’s face. She knew it so well; she knew those worried creases in his forehead, that slight tilt of his head as he leaned in closer. A part of her wanted it to stay like this forever - wanted it to stay normal. Human.

                 “Why? Noie?”

                 But it couldn’t. She knew that now.

                 “What’s going on?”

                 She took another deep breath, and let it out. Didn’t look him in the eyes; she trained them on his chin, and opened her mouth. “Dipper,” she said, slowly, deliberately. “I have to tell you something.”

                 “What? What is it?”

                 He was leaning in very close, now. Her eyes slid down to her desk. “I have to tell you… you need to remember. The deal, it’s broken, you need to remember now.”

                 “Remember? What do you-”

                 “You’re a demon, remember you’re a demon!” Noie’s head shot up; she stared him down. “Dipper, I remember who you are, you’re Alcor the Dreambender and I need to talk to him- I mean you. I need to talk to the whole you.”

                 “Wh- what? Argh!” Dipper clutched his head. “I- what are you talking about, Noie? I’m not a- ugh… I’m, I’m not a-”

                 “Yes you are! You’re Alcor, you took a human form so you could grow up with me. We made a deal so we’d forget but I remember and you have to too, okay!”

                 Dipper had crumpled out of frame; she could only see the top of his head. “Noie…” he moaned. “I don’t… it’s not… what’s… what’s happ̗͘e͎̭͈̭̗ni̲̫̖̜̬n̫͉g?”

                 “Please remember, Dipper.” Noie felt a pang of guilt at the pain in his voice. “I’m sorry it hurts. I didn’t want to do this, but it’s the truth, okay? You’re… you’re a demon.”

                 He wasn’t speaking anymore; she only heard a whimper in reply. There was a wet pop, and then another, and then a tearing sound that made her squirm in her seat.

                 “Dipper?” She watched as the last bit of his head fell out of frame. “How’re you, uh, taking this? Everything okay?”

                 Something bumped against the desk. Other than that, it was dead silent. All she could see was the chore wheel at the far end of his dorm; she stared at it, and waited for him.

                 Waited, until she heard a low, distorted growl. The sound of someone swearing under his breath; a hand coming into frame as it gripped the desk, a tall, suited figure rising up, and locking glowing golden eyes on her.

                 Alcor the Dreambender.  

                 Noie thought she’d gone past worrying, but she saw him and suddenly she was trembling all over. Her stomach flipped and made her feel sick; it was something about those teeth, those claws, those wings flaring out behind him, those eyes staring her down as he dug inside her and ripped and tore-  

                 “Mizar.” Those eyes; she watched them narrow slightly, then widen. “Naomi.”

                 Noie forced a laugh. “That’s… that’s me. Hi. F-fancy meeting you here, huh? Ha! Haha! Jokes. I’m funny!”

                 “N-”

                 “That was an entrance, huh? Ent-er-ance. En-trance. Enterancé! That’s Spanish for, uh, nothing, I just said it in a, in an accent.” She felt herself leaning back as he opened his mouth. “I-it’s actually, uh, entrada, la entrada, th-that’s Spanish for entrance, s-s-so th-that’s-”

                 “Naomi.”

                 Noie stopped talking. She could feel her heart beating in her throat. She closed her mouth and sat there, staring at him. He started to speak, then stopped, sighed, and shook his head.

                 “This… hold on a moment. Stand back.”

                 Noie heard that. It took a second to register, but he reached towards the camera and she backed up to the end of the room. She didn’t know what he was doing at first, but then she saw his hand come out through her phone screen; his head appeared, and then his torso, and then he stepped off of her desk and dusted himself off.

                 “That’s better… Naomi?” His expression fell as he looked at her. “Look, this is… weird, I know. I’m sorry you remembered, that wasn’t meant to happen. What set it off?”

                 She tried to speak, but nothing came out. After a moment, Alcor nodded to himself.

                 “The USB.” He picked it up from her desk. “Of course - why didn’t I think of hiding that? Ugh, that’s dumb. I’m sorry.”

                 Noie swallowed. “I-it’s okay, Dipper-”

                 “It’s no̕t͟. I made a deal, I promised you wouldn’t have to worry about this anymore, but I… I rushed it.”

                 She watched his hands ball into fists.

                 “I just wanted to get away from it all as fast as possible… just like I did with Leon. Just like it! Argh, why can’t I just ge̴̶t į͝ţ t͞h̷ro̵u̵͞g͏͡h̸̸̡ m̢y̨͝ ḩ͢ę̵̡a̡d̵ ͏͝th̸͢a̕t̴̨-” He stopped, and glanced her way. When he saw her flattened against the wall, the echo dropped from his voice. “Sorry. It’s fine… I’m fine, Naomi. I’m not gonna do anything.”

                 He seemed to think for a moment. In the silence, Noie peeled herself off the wall.

                 “It’s just…” Alcor started, and then sighed. He straightened. “Well, it doesn’t matter. I’ll do it right this time, Noie, I promise.”

                 Slowly, he extended a hand. Noie stared at the tips of his claws, then followed his arm up to his face. The demon -      her brother’s     expression was carefully blank, and the black-and-gold stare he fixed her with still sent shivers down her spine. He’d shaved, she noticed.

                 “Dipper?”

                 There seemed so little of her brother to recognise, but…

                 “Just take my hand, Noie. I’ll put it all back to normal, okay? Like you want.”

                 “Normal.” Noie gave a wry smile. “That’s what I always wanted, isn’t it.”

                 Alcor tried for a laugh - it was awkward,      familiar.     “Heh, uh… don’t worry about it. I… I get it, you know? This is a lot. I’m a lot.” He didn’t quite meet her eyes. “It’s… okay, if you don’t want to deal with it.”

                 She recognised that tone. She recognised it from fights they’d gotten into, when she’d said something hurtful and Dipper went quiet. She recognised the pang in her chest.

                 Noie stepped forwards. “Dipper, I-”

                 “And it’s not like I don’t deserve it.” He was talking faster now, hugging himself. “After everything I did to you, a-and your family, it’s no wonder you don’t want me around like this! I killed your dad! I ruined your life! I was horrible and demonic and a monster and-”

                 “I’m sorry.”

                 “I know, I-” Dipper blinked. “Wait, what?”

                 He was staring at her now, golden eyes wide in astonishment. Noie took a deep breath, and clenched her shaking hands.

                 “I wanted to say… I’m sorry, Dipper.”

                 “Why are you sorry? I-”

                 “Let me talk, okay? Because I’ve been thinking on this, and I owe you an apology. I owe you an apology, Dipper.”

                 He frowned, but he didn’t speak. Noie grit her teeth.

                 “It took me a long time to realise I did. It took me all of last week, I barely slept, I ate-” she gestured to her bed, “dry pasta at three AM while I was looking up stories about you, I… well the point is, I know what I did wrong now. I know I didn’t treat you right, bro. And I’m sorry.”

                 Dipper just looked bewildered. “You think      you    didn’t treat me right? I ki-”

                     “I know you killed Leon!” She snapped. “I know, okay? And I’m not saying you didn’t do bad shit, I’m saying we both did bad shit! We both… hurt people, you know?” She shook her head. “I hurt your friend, Lucy Ann. And I hurt y-you.”

                 Her voice cracked a little. She stood there, looking down at the carpet, trying to get it back under control. Dipper’s eyes were boring into her head.

                 “I-I sold you out, bro.” Noie managed. “You and your friend, I sold you out to some pro-nat angel because I thought he could fix you.”

                 “Oh, Noie, I never blamed you. You were possessed, you-”

                 She shook her head. “I wasn’t possessed. Maybe at the last moment it was the angel who stabbed you, but everything that led up to that? That was me.” A crooked smile, a mirthless laugh. “That was… me. And you wanna know why I did that? I was scared of losing you.”

                 “That’s unders-”

                 “I was scared of losing my grip on you. Things were bad, back with Grandpa, okay! Everything with Granny a-and school, everything felt like it was spinning out of control, but you were… you didn’t change up on me. You were always there for me - it was supposed to be the two of us looking out for each other, you know? Not one of us turning into some all powerful demon who… who didn’t need me anymore!”

                 “No! I need you, Noie!”

                 “Don’t say that.” Noie stabbed a finger at him. “Don’t say that, Dipper. You don’t need me.”

                 “I do, I-”

                 “You don’t need me.” She backed away, shaking her head. “Not in the way I wanted you to need me. Because I needed you to stay human and I slit your fucking throat over it!”  

                 Dipper flinched away from her, eyes wide, mouth open, but saying nothing. Her words hung between them. She took a deep breath, and let it out with a shudder.

                 “And maybe…” she started. “Maybe that’s what messed me up so bad. About you being a demon. It wasn’t what you are, or what you did… it’s what I did - what I did and never apologised for. It ate me up inside, Dipper.” She swallowed, hard. “It’s been eating at me all week. I couldn’t handle it when I was fifteen, and I… I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

                 It was silent. Noie hung her head low, and felt the silence stretch. She had nothing more to say but sorry, sorry, sorry… and when she felt a hand on her shoulder, she looked up, wordlessly.

                 Alcor was there, gazing down at her with his gold-on-black stare, his face framed by his fancy suit and by wings as black as the void… but Dipper was there, too. Dipper was there in the nervous smile he flashed her, in the awkward pat he gave her shoulder, in the stuttering way his words tumbled out of his mouth when he tried to speak.

                 “It’s… uh…” he tried. “You… want a hug, Noie?”

                 Noie stared at Alcor, Dipper, her brother for a second. Then, she sniffed, and threw her hands around him. He squeezed back, and she buried her face into his chest as his arms wrapped around her.

                 It was nice, for a moment. Then something else wrapped around her, something warm like skin but also much, much wider and she looked back and-

                 “Aaah!”

                 “Whoa, sorry, sorry!” The darkness swallowing her up suddenly flared out behind Dipper. “Those were just my wings! Sorry!”

                 She stared. “Just your… just your wings, huh.”

                 “Yeah, I-I’m sorry, I should’ve known that would, that would be weird-”

                 “No, no! I’m sorry I freaked out!”

                 “No, don’t be sorry-”

                 “No, you don’t be sorry!” She giggled. “We… we’re a pair aren’t we?”

                 “What do you mean?”

                 “I guess it’s just… I don’t know! I don’t know, Dipper!” She sat down on the bed. “There’s a lot of things I have to get used to, I guess? Having a demon for a brother.” Her chuckles died out. She looked up at him. “But… I’ll work on it, okay?”

                 Dipper frowned. “You… don’t want to forget?”

                 “No. Not again. You’re a demon, Dipper. I don’t want to hide from that anymore. I don’t want to pretend you’re something you’re not.” She smiled. “You’re my brother, Dipper. Everything after that, that’s… I can get used to that, okay?”

                 Slowly, he gave a smile. “Okay.”

                 She grinned, and stood up from the bed. “Now let’s try that hug again, huh?”

                 Dipper sniffed, floated forwards, and wrapped his arms around her. They squeezed each other tight; Noie buried her face into the crook of his shoulder, and closed her eyes.

                 This was okay, she thought.

                 They’d be okay.

______________________________________________________________

                 “Hi! Welcome to Tree’s Teas, how can I- Noie!”

                 “Ey, Sara!” Noie swaggered over to the counter and slung her arm over the counter. “How’s it going? What’s cracking? Hopefully not the mugs, ha!”

                 Sara giggled as she raised an eyebrow. “It’s going okay… how are you? You seem kinda excited today!”

                 “Oh, yeah! I’m hanging out with my friend right now!” She grinned as Sara blushed a deep red. “And! I’m studying econ with my brother, so I’mma need two cups of my usual today!”

                 “Alright!” She picked up a mug. “By usual, do you mean the one tea I ordered for you last week? The Nutty Chai?”

                 “Yeah, yeah, that one! It was good!”

                 “Okay, then!”

                 Sara turned around to pour the tea. Noie fished around inside her wallet - there were so many receipts in here she could barely find her card.

                 “So your brother,” Sarah started. “Are you video chatting with him or something?”

                 Noie opened her mouth-

                 “Wait, you’re buying two teas, I’m dumb.”

                 “You’re not dumb.” She cracked a smile. “Maybe I just really like tea, yknow?”

                 “Heh. We do have free refills.” Sara turned to look at her. “But is he actually in town? Dipper?”

                 “Yeah!”

                 “That’s awesome! How long’s he visiting for?”

                 “Visiting?” The smile froze on her face. “Um…”

                 She trailed off there; Sara seemed to get the hint.

                 “Oh, am I asking like a bajillion questions? I’m sorry.” With a nervous laugh, she placed the first cup on the counter. “I haven’t seen him since high school, that was - wow, that was nearly a year ago!”

                 “Hah! Crazy, right? So much has changed.” Noie stared at steam rising from the mug. “So much has changed.”

                 “I know, right? So that’ll be… five thirty-nine for the two of them, Noie. Noie?”

                 Noie looked up. “Huh?”

                 “Five dollars and thirty-nine cents.” Sara frowned at her from behind the register. “Uh, are you okay?”

                 “Me?” She barked a laugh, started digging through her wallet again. “Oh, I’m fine! Never better! I was just remembering, um… he’s got a beard now. Dipper. It’s really funny.”

                 “Funny?” Sara chuckled a little. “What’s wrong with it?”

                 “Everything, and you’re not allowed to say a word about it.” She handed her card over. “You’ll see, dude. It’s great. He’s so proud of it… I love it.” Her snicker softened to a smile. “I love him.”

                 Sara grinned. “Aww.”

                 “Heh… ahem, anyway,” she took the card. “Enough mushy stuff, this is hard study time! We’re not just gonna pass this test, we’re gonna      destroy    it!”

                 “Heh, I bet you guys will. Good luck!” Sara blushed a little. “Hey, uh, if you’re still here in an hour, you know, I get off work at five, and-”

                 “You wanna join the study party?”

                 “Y-yeah!” She fiddled with her apron. “I mean, if that’s okay, it’s totally fine if it isn’t, I know-”

                 “Hey. Sara.”

                 “Yeah?”

                 “That’d be dope.” Noie pointed a cup of tea at her. “I’ll keep a seat open for you, okay?”

                 “Oh… okay. Okay!” She gave a grin. “Thanks, Noie. Careful with your tea.”

                 “Hey, if I spill some, it’s my brother’s. Anyway, we’ll be outside. See you at five!”

                 “See you!”

                 Noie walked out of the door, two cups in hand. The patio was shaded and covered in mist makers; it felt quite nice, for such a hot day.

                 It felt nice to see Dipper there, tucked away in the corner. He was still wearing a suit, but the eyes that looked up at her were warm and brown; the smile he gave her wasn’t stretched, or full of fangs. It was just… him. Dipper. Her brother.

                 Maybe he was other things, too, but he was always, always her brother.

                 Noie grinned back at him, and walked over.