#I really want to support the Legion

[beesorcery]

google how do i tell my dad that the reason i keep bringing up elon musk's transphobia isn't that i've got gen z political tunnel vision that makes me blind to his "innovation" in electric cars but because i am desperately crying out for you as the father of a trans child to feel just as outraged and angry as i am that that man has so much power

[fireheartedpup]

Can I please get some friends who want to talk with me on a daily basis like fuck I'm trying

[caffeinewitchcraft]

AITA for divorcing my vampire husband because he lied to me about his human job?

I (542 vampire) and my husband (260 vampire) have been together for a little over two centuries. There’s a saying in the vampiric community that it takes a century for a tryst to become an enduring partnership and another century to become soulmates. I thought that was true and that Matthew (using his real name because fuck you, Matthew) and I would be together forever…until this week.

First, let me explain a few things to the mortals here. I don’t mean that negatively – I came here specifically to get the opinion of those with a finite lifespan. However, I want to be fair to Matthew as much as possible and some of his decisions are very immortal-minded.

Both Matthew and I are vampires who have chosen to forsake some of our powers in exchange for the ability to daywalk. We made the transition together on our 100th anniversary almost 115 years ago. It wasn’t an easy transition for me. I was very dependent on human blood and I spent the first twenty years in almost constant sleep as my body adjusted to running off of less lunar magic and more solar magic.

It really felt like I was losing everything. My body got physically weaker and my powers began to disappear one by one. It felt like every time I woke, another part of me was missing. One day I could turn into a wolf, the next I could barely turn into a vapor. I could command a legion of undying servants, and then I could barely convince the mailman he didn’t see me levitate down from the second floor.

Matthew, however, took to daywalking like a werewolf to a sheep farm. He barely seemed to feel the pain of losing his power, maybe because he was so much younger than me. Whatever the case, he was out all the time once he stabilized. He would be gone for days sometimes and when he came back it was with fantastic stories about the humans’ new inventions or the new structures being built in whatever town we were in.

I’m not saying I regret transitioning. Just that Matthew and I had very different experiences. It felt like he barely changed at all while my entire being got rewritten. Being immortal makes you comfortable in your own skin. I never doubted myself or my power after I turned 100. But becoming a daywalker made me feel like I was being born as a human again. It was humiliating and vulnerable. I have to admit there were times I resented how easily Matthew did it. I blamed him for not supporting me like I thought he should. I would daydream about draining a human in front of him, showing him what I thought of his fascination with them. I had all sorts of vile and vengeful thoughts. I’m not proud of the person I was and now I’m grateful Matthew wasn’t there to see the lows I sunk to.

Despite all my awful thoughts, I didn’t quit. I don’t know why, but I didn’t. I stuck with it and, day by day, things got easier.

After 26 years I began to stabilize. The benefits of being a daywalker slowly blossomed before me.  Now I can say that I am completely happy with my daywalker status and all the changes it’s brought.

I am the most mentally stable I have been since my Turning in 1482. It’s like I’m awake. The fits of rage that used to consume me for months at a time have completely disappeared. I don’t experience the same level of obsession I used to which has freed up a lot of my time that I used to spend stalking my victims.

However, that drastic of a change would be challenging in any relationship. Matthew and I ended up together because of my obsessive nature. Our relationship became strained when that part of me went dormant. He expected me to follow his immersion into the human world just as I had followed him in his revenge quest against his Master. He expected me to support him wholeheartedly and with everything I was. He wanted sacrifices from me that I used to not even flinch at before making. But something was just…different. We wanted different things. I wanted different things.

Matthew was obsessed with being the perfect human. He craved full immersion. He still makes it a point to get a human job every twenty years or so. Me? I’m happy to live off our investments and some mild mind control while enjoying the art and theater community the humans have evolved.

It got bad. Some years, we spent like ghosts in our own house, drifting by each other without a glance. Other years, it was like we were spies behind enemy lines. He would do whatever he could to thwart me and I would go out of my way to ridicule him. Our vitriol poisoned the earth. Matthew didn’t speak to me for a full decade when that poison killed off an entire town.

About twenty years ago, it all came to a head. We had a serious sit-down talk about our relationship. It wasn’t easy. What they say about teaching an old dog new tricks is sometimes true. Matthew wanted me to be as involved with the humans as he was. He wanted me to care about them like he did. I wanted him to travel with me like we used to and not just hop from town to neighboring town (which he did to maintain a human identity with references so he could keep working). When it became clear that we were at an impasse, I brought up the idea of separation.

Separating in the vampiric world isn’t easy. There are a lot of alliances and blood oaths to be considered. Over the two centuries we spent together, we became known as a unit to a number of supernatural entities that we maintain an uneasy truce with. Separating would mean creating new oaths and alliances with the same individuals. And there was no guarantee that those individuals would make new pacts with both of you. A LOT of vampire couples end up in blood feuds while separating. Neither of us wanted that.

There was also, of course, the emotional side of things. While a lot of immortals tend to only feel muted emotions (especially vampires as old as me), Daywalking had made both of us more sensitive than we’d been before. We were both attached to the memories we shared and neither of us could imagine life without the other. After 200 years together, it felt like Matthew was my right arm, and I his. When I brought up separation, we both felt it like we were discussing an amputation.

After about a year of talking, we finally reached an agreement. We didn’t want to separate, and so we would compromise. I wouldn’t interfere with any of Matthew’s human jobs for the 15-17 years if he could hold them without arousing suspicion. In exchange, he would take a year off to go traveling with me before finding another town for us to live in. In between my trips, he would go to plays and galas with me to enjoy human artistry at least once a month.

Maybe our deal was in his favor. At the time, it felt practical and fair. A year of traveling wouldn’t undo Matthew’s string of connections. We would still see each other frequently by going on dates that I liked. Matthew would get to stay immersed in the human world at the level he wanted, and I could stay within my comfort zone.

Which brings me to my current problem.

We are currently at the start of one of Matthew’s work cycles. He’s been everything from a fireman to a politician to a subway worker to a barista. He craves knowledge and connection to a terrifying degree. If it weren’t for how we move every 20 years and he goes without protest, I’d call it obsession.

This cycle, Matthew told me he was going to be a teacher. I was hesitant. While the humans have become more tolerant and less violent over the years, that doesn’t mean they will tolerate us near their young. Enough humans know about vampires that staking in the modern era is a real possibility. Matthew could incite an angry mob against us or, heaven forbid, get a vampire hunter on our tail. I have yet to be shot, but I hear that they have silver bullets that hurt like Hell.

When I voiced my protests, Matthew reminded me about our agreement. He said that I wouldn’t interfere with his jobs and he’d go to all the plays I liked. He even pointed out that, as a teacher, he could get us into high school plays and expositions. I was uneasy, but agreements are penultimate to immortals. I silenced my objections and let him get a job as a science teacher at a local high school.

When Michael has had jobs in the past, I’ve never really paid attention. One time he was a state senator for ten years and I never even heard him speak. I didn’t consider it worth my time to hear whatever his facsimile of a human would say. Real humanity is in the art they create, not in the parody Michael enacts.

But this one…I couldn’t ignore this one. Maybe it was because I was still uneasy about his proximity to human young or maybe I could sense his lies even at the beginning. Whatever the case, I watched him.

The first thing I noticed was the hours. He would go to work early and would often come home when it was time for us to sleep. When I asked him about it, he said that he wasn’t used to grading and that he had underestimated what it took to put a good lesson plan together. I visited some online forums and that’s apparently reasonable for first year teachers.

He would also sometimes go in on the weekends. He missed one of our dates because there was a “grading emergency” that needed his immediate attention. Something about a student’s test getting lost and then found and he needed to input their grade before the deadline which was on Saturday. Humans like silly rules like that so I didn’t even look that one up. I just reminded him that he couldn’t miss our dates again or else he was breaking our deal. He apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again.

Then about three months into his new job, the phone calls started. We have a private room in our house for when we need to talk without any visitors overhearing. Michael moved all his school supplies in there, saying that he needed a silent space to concentrate on his grading. Whenever he got a call, he would never answer it in front of me. Instead, he’d say “Sorry, work” and just go into his office.

I also noticed that he didn’t dress very professionally. Human fashion changes quickly so it didn’t register at first. A sweatshirt here and there slipped past me, and also the Gucci slides. When he started wearing baggy jeans and jerseys to work, I noticed. I may not be up to date on all the newest fashions, but I do go to classy events. I know what a slob looks like and it didn’t sit right with me that he was wearing that to school. When I asked him about it, he always had an excuse. “This is what everyone wears” and “It’s a theme day” or, bafflingly, “It’s spirit week!”

I tried to leave it alone. The reason we have stayed together for so long is because of our agreement to not interfere in each other’s lives. But between his hours, the phone calls, and his appearance, something didn’t add up.

Then, last Thursday, he missed another one of our dates. We were supposed to go to the Nutcracker together. Even though I prefer matinees (when the cast is fresh), I agreed to get us tickets for the evening show so that he wouldn’t have to leave work early. When he wasn’t there at 7pm, I called him and he didn’t answer. Then, when I called him again, his phone was switched off.

I was furious. I spend nearly two decades in these tiny towns so he can live his human fantasy and he can’t even show up for one two hour show? It was the first time since becoming a daywalker that I felt that angry. I was scared about what I might do, so I made myself go home to wait for him.

Only, he never came home that night. At 3am, he sent me a text apologizing and promising to make up our date on Saturday. But the Nutcracker was only playing until Friday and that would be too little, too late. To be honest, it already was. I texted him that and he never responded.

He never ended up coming home last weekend. I texted and called him probably a dozen times and he never responded. I got angrier and angrier as the days dragged by. Did he think I was someone to be taken lightly? Did he not realize that the fragile agreement between us was all that was keeping us from separation?

Yesterday (Monday), I couldn’t take it anymore. If he wasn’t going to come home or respond to my messages, then I would go to him. If he was so obsessed with this new job that he would ignore me for it, then I knew exactly where to find him.

I arrived at his school at 10am. I researched enough to know how to go to the office and sign myself in. I asked the office assistant which room Mr. Duetto was in.

The lovely young woman looked confused. “I’m sorry, but I can’t give that information out to anyone but family,” she said.

“I am his only family,” I said.

She clicked a few more keys and looked more confused. “His paperwork only shows his mother, Delilah Duetto.”

That’s right. His mother. But I still didn’t understand then.

“That’s me,” I said.

“You are not the mother of 17-year-old.”

“I’m his wife,” I said.

She was upset by that. I won’t bore you with every detail, but I had to alter her memories so she wouldn’t call the police. I may not look like someone who has a teenager, but I also don’t look like a teenager. I ended up having to alter her memories so she wouldn’t call human CPS on an apparent adult swearing she was married to a minor.

I went home and broke into his office. There weren’t any lesson plans. There were no graded papers. There were syllabus from different classes, homework with his name on it, and a few polaroids taped to the bottom of his desk of him at a party with children.

Human children. I don’t honestly know which is worse.

(EDIT: I know the child part is the worst part. I misspoke because of my anger. It’s not the humans’ fault that my husband is a pervert.)

I broke into his laptop and used that to check his text messages. He’s been texting like a high schooler. He’s been to parties with them, listened to their problems and even fabricated a few of his own. He’s caught in some sort of weird love triangle where a freshman girl likes him but his “best friend” likes her. He has texted both of them about it, promising his “bro” that nothing is happening and then turning around and leading this girl-child on.

Some choice quotes: I should know better than to get close with you. You and I come from very different worlds

To which she replied, lol maybe we should let our worlds collide

!!!!

I find the entire situation disgusting. Matthew is several centuries older than them and he definitely knows better. He’s literally wearing the sheep’s fleece amongst the flock. He has no business forming relationships with human children and even less pretending to be one of them. He’s not a baby. He is over two centuries old!

What is he doing flirting with a child? It’s vile and disgusting and I was set to kill him for it.

I confronted him about it when he came home last night. I told him that he was sick and dangerous and if he loved humans then he needed to stop immediately. I told him we either left town today or I would make sure he never set foot back in that school in a way he really wouldn’t like.

 He threw a huge tantrum over my invading his privacy. He shouted at me that I had broken my promise to never interfere in his job. He called me controlling and crazy.

I told him he was the crazy one for chatting up a child. He told me he wasn’t, she was just his friend. I asked him to read their texts out loud if he was being so friendly. I also pointed out that there was no way a 260-year-old vampire is a child’s friend.

He told me I was a hypocrite because I basically cradle robbed him (we’re almost 300 years apart.) He said if anyone was disgusting, it was me for taking advantage of him.

I pointed out that he wasn’t a child, he was over 60 and had already been a vampire for four decades. He argued that that was basically being a child in vampire terms.

I was so angry at that point that the house was shaking. I told him if he felt that way, then we could get divorced right then and there. That that was what I wanted to do anyway because I couldn’t be married to a pedophile.

He asked me if I was seriously going to start a blood feud over him immersing himself in human society. I said no, I’m starting a blood feud because he’s become every predatory stereotype humans have of vampires.

He called me a hypocrite again and told me he was leaving. He said not to call him unless I was ready to apologize. I told him that the next time he sees me, he’d better run before I showed him the real difference between us. And it wasn’t just 300 years.

When I calmed down, doubt started creeping in. From an immortal perspective, what he’s doing isn’t really wrong. I hate to say it, but most immortals don’t view human lives as significant. I know a few vampires who would say that divorcing because he’s playing with his food is idiotic.

Plus, there’s the agreement to consider. During our fight, Matthew pointed out that being a student is a job to humans. So therefore I didn’t have the right to interfere. A big part of me thinks that’s bullshit, but a small part of me wonders if he’s maybe right about that?

I also have to ask myself why this even bothers me. I’m the one in the relationship that is aloof from humans. I’m the one that’s always saying we are from different worlds (Yeah, he stole that from me) and for good reason. 

But over the years, I’ve become fond of humans. No immortal makes art like them. I may not remember my time as a mortal, but there are works that give me a sense of nostalgia. Sometimes I think I can remember being a child myself, standing in a field like in Monet painting, staring at the wheatstacks and waiting for the miller to come. 

The thought of Matthew playing with them makes me sick. It’s like even after all the years of him living amongst them, he thinks of them as props in his twisted play. It’s even worse that he’s doing this to children. 

I can’t help but think something went really wrong with my husband when I wasn’t looking. At the very least, I’m planning on divorcing him. But would I be the asshole if I killed him too?

 Separating from him will be violent and messy. There will likely be human casualties. But I don’t see any other way. So, I ask.

AITA for divorcing my husband for lying to me about his human job?

----

Thanks for reading! I loved answering some of the responses I got when I first posted this over on my Patreon (X)!

These collaborative story telling pieces are the highlight of my week. Next week's story is about a witch who wants to know if she should attend her high school reunion even though she's responsible for stripping two former classmates of their magic...

Please check that out here (X) if you''d like early access! Otherwise I'll see y'all next week :)

[aliceramblez]

Dating the Hazbin Hotel Residents 😈

Tags: GN!Reader, Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mentioned Mature Topics (ie. Suicidal Thoughts, Alcohol Abuse, SA, etc), Spoilers For The Show, etc.

A/N: Ahhh yes, more brainriot for the pile 😌 I was more of a Helluva gal before the show aired, but now I gotta say these blorbos are a dear part of my heart! Hopefully y'all enjoy these as much as I did writing them!

Consider following my main blog @taruchinator for more solid content & feel free to leave a request here for future HCs~

Charlie 🌈

When the Happy Hotel first opened its doors and all of Hell started making a mockery of it, you were probably the only one who took it as a sign to try and improve from the low life that you were. It's not like you had anything else to live for, anyway.

As soon as you enter the building, you're immediately greeted by the bubbly Princess of Hell herself (along with a reluctant Angel Dust) who is more than happy to show you around and welcomes you with open arms.

You've never been shown this much kindness and sympathy for your situation before, so it naturally takes you aback and makes you wonder what the catch is. Turns out there's none and the Princess is probably the only sweet soul to live in this shithole.

As you grow closer, she asks you to drop the title and just call her Charlie. She also shares a bit about her situation and how her mother wanted to save sinners from the extermination each year, and now Charlie felt like it was her duty to continue this legacy until her dreams came true.

You can't help but feel touched over how much she cares, so you silently vow to yourself to help her in any way you can, just like she's done for you.

It doesn't take long before the two of you grow even closer and feelings begin to blossom, but you decide to ignore them since why would a Princess ever like someone like you?

But Charlie proves you wrong yet again, since one day she comes to you a blushing mess and confesses her own feelings, asking if you'd like to go out with her. You can't help but vocalize your shock since she could do so much better than a random sinner. She deserved better, too.

She looks at you with fondness in her eyes. “You've been by my side for so long and supported me every step of the way. Who wouldn't fall for someone like that?”

And thus, you are the luckiest person in Hell because you scored Charlotte Morningstar, and whoever says otherwise can get a knife to their throat.

She's the perfect definition of a sweet and patient girlfriend, never pushing you to do anything you aren't comfortable with (since you really aren't used to such adoration in a romantic relationship), but as soon as you give her the get-go, she'll be sure to shower you with as much affection as she can until the doubts in your mind disappear completely.

You aren't that far behind either. Albeit not as good as her, you do your best to be a comforting partner whenever she needs you. This is especially necessary after an extermination happens, which always leaves Charlie devastated and in need of a hug or words of encouragement because she doubts herself sometimes and wonders if the hotel is even working at all.

You remind her how it brought the two of you together, to which she smiles and agrees that at least something good has come out of it so far.

Vaggie 🎀

Both you and Vaggie used to work in the same legion under Adam with the rest of his exorcists. You knew of each other's existence, but didn't really talk much aside from whatever was needed in the midst of battle.

The day she spares a demon child's life, you're doing your rounds nearby and witness the whole exchange, including Lute coming over and ripping both an eye and Vaggie's wings for showing mercy. You don't know why, but it makes your blood boil.

“HEY! What are you doing?! It was just a kid, why not let it slide?”

And just like that, you become a target of Lute's rage as well, being ripped from your angelic status along with receiving a few nasty cuts, yet surprisingly not as bad as Vaggie herself.

Once the two of you are left to die, you immediately try to tend the girl's wounds with whatever you can. Vaggie can only stare in disbelief at what you'd done and questions why you even did so in the first place—now you were stuck just like she was.

“Guess I just don't like seeing injustice... Who knew Heaven could be so fuckin' shitty?”

You both laugh at the irony of it all, and that's when luck is finally on your side as Charlie finds you in the dirty alley and brings you back to the hotel to heal properly.

For the next three years you two stay at the Hazbin Hotel, helping Charlie in any way you can to try and make her dream a reality since deep down you hope that despite Heaven's corrupt system, there can be a small chance that souls can be redeemed. You hide the fact that you're ex-Anges though, since you don't wanna cause unnecessary drama.

During this time period, the two of you become better friends, having your own inside jokes regarding things you didn't particularly enjoy from your time as Angels, as well as learning more about one another.

You're the one to come to terms with your feelings first and decide to lay them on the table for Vaggie to see—she's always been a straight-to-the-point kind of gal, so if you're about to be rejected, might as well have it be done quick. But of course, she replies with her own declaration and desire to give a relationship a shot, which you're ecstatic about!

It's a bit hard at first since you never got to see much of romantic relationships in Heaven while training for murder every year, but you try and make it work. Both you and Vaggie work endlessly to try and make the other happy, and it only makes you fall for each other even more.

Also Charlie is your go-to wingwoman who will be there to give you the best advice to try and woo your girlfriend. She ships you two so hard.

Angel Dust 🕸

Working at a porn studio under an Overlord who owns your soul can be exhausting. You know this better than anyone since everyone who works under Valentino has contracts that won't let you get far with a leash. This is especially true with your friend Angel Dust.

You know about the things Valentino does to the spider demon—hell, everyone in the studio probably knows, but know better than to say anything about it. You're always there for Angel after particularly rough shoots, doing your best to comfort him in any way you can, though there isn't much you can do given you're in the same spot.

When he tells you he's moving to Princess Charlie's Hazbin Hotel, you're so happy for him! At least that will give him some distance from Valentino and his disgustingly filthy hands when he's not working.

This unsurprisingly doesn't bode well with the Overlord, causing him to throw fits of rage around the studio when Angel leaves for the day. You can't help but make a snarky comment that you definitely regret moments later.

“Can one blame him for wanting space from such an overbearing asshole?”

Without his favorite stress toy around, you end up paying the price for such comments. The kind of pain and suffering he puts you through is completely different from what you're used to. Is this the stuff he does to Angel? He leaves you naked, bruised and bloody in your room, and all you can do is muster what little strenght you have left to head for the Hazbin Hotel.

As soon as the door opens, you immediately tumble forward and start losing consciousness. The last thing you remember is Angel's horrified expression before it all fades to black.

Once you wake up and have been patched up, you explain what happened at the studio, and you could've sworn you saw fire in Angel's eyes as he holds on to you, fearing you might disappear at any moment. He begs you to stay in the hotel with him, and you agree without hesitation.

And so, your new routine of heading to work and then coming back to the hotel becomes blissful, not having to deal with that lunatic mothman more than necessary. You also get to spend time off with your best friend, which is always a plus.

Well, ‘best friend’ might not be the best way to describe it. You'd developed a crush on the spider demon even before this whole incident occurred, and now that you were spending more time with him, it only continued to grow.

With the line of work you two had, romantic relationships didn't seem to be a thing that crossed anybody's mind since why have a permanent partner when you could just go around fucking the hottest people in Hell? But you knew your feelings were far beyond from sexual, but didn't wanna ruin what you already had going for you.

One heartfelt drunken conversation after work however, makes you do a double take—Angel likes you back. And that both scares and excites you. But with both of you going over the pros and cons with each other, you decide to give it a chance.

You make sure to always have Angel's consent when it comes to physical intimacy—anything from holding his hand, to kissing to just cuddling. He jokes about not being a porcelain doll, but deep down you know he appreciates it.

You're also there for the rough nights, when he comes home wanting nothing more than to die again and let the earth swallow him whole. Words of reassurance are spoken and you can only hold him and let him cry as you vow to do anything in your power to stop this from happening again.

Husker 🍺

As one of the first guests of the hotel, like any wayward sinner, you find yourself in the bar more often than you'd like. Alcohol killed you in the first place, yet not even in the afterlife could you seem to pull yourself from its grasp.

It's a somewhat welcome surprise to find out that the bartender is going through a similar struggle. He still serves you drinks and lends and ear whenever he's not busy, but will occasionally drop the words of wisdom to watch your fill.

Eventually you two find yourselves doing this little back and forth and aid each other when you're in your dark places—Husk won't let you near the bottle if he sees you're about to knock yourself out, meanwhile you're there to look after him when he has one too many drinks and can't take care of himself.

Not to say he isn't a good drinking buddy—you've found out most of the gossip around the hotel thanks to this sneaky little cat demon and there's never a dull moment with him around.

You learn about his deal with Alastor during a particularly bad night, when Husk's had one too many and isn't thinking straight. You don't bring it up, but now have an eye open for whenever the Radio Demon drags your friend away.

Angel's the one who brings up your questionable relationship to the surface.

“So... you two like, fuckin' each other, or what?”

Your entire face goes red, and if it weren't for the dark fur you could swear you see Husk looking the same. He's quick to get rid of Angel's nosy ass, but now the seed has been planted in your brain—do you like Husk that way?

After careful consideration, you come to the conclusion that yes, you do. And it's honestly kinda terrifying considering how relationships don't usually work out in Hell, at least from what you've seen. Besides, even if you did try and confess, there was always the possibility of him not feeling the same and just being embarrassed by Angel's comment.

So in an attempt to make your feelings disappear, you stop frequenting the bar. Who knew the best way to stop drinking habits was trying to avoid spending time with your unrequited crush?

But of course, Husk isn't stupid. He sees the change in your behavior and let's it slide for a while, until he eventually corners you and asks what's wrong. You decide to get it all out of the way and tell him how you feel.

To the embarrassment of both of you, he holds your hand firmly between his and darts his eyes toward the corner of the room. “Next time you should ask before going off assuming things, ya got it?”

And so, your glass may have been empty that day, but your heart had never felt fuller.

Sir Pentious 🐍

You meet Sir Pentious when you sign into the hotel, and your immediate thought is just how can this snake man be so adorkable, it should be illegal.

As you greet the other residents and staff, you're quick to strike a conversation with him, which based on his body language he was not expecting. He starts telling you a bit about his weaponry and other contraptions, and you can't help but be fascinated by it.

You're a bit of a tinkerer yourself, albeit you've only dabbled in small scale projects—nothing compared to the massive canons and aircrafts that Pentious seems to be familiar with.

He acts like a kid opening gifts on Sinmas when he talks to you about his inventions, clearly never having anyone show interest before. Eventually he'll even ask for your input on certain smaller projects he wants to work on to help around the hotel, all to thank Charlie for being so kind to him and giving him a second chance. You're obviously eager to help!

You two start spending so much time together that the egg boys have started calling you ‘Boss #2’, much to Pentious' embarrassment and your amusement.

One afternoon once exercises are done for the day, the snake demon seems much more fidgety than usual as he invites you over to his room to continue working on his security system prototype. He's a blabbering mess once he has you sitting down and your heart just can't help but swell at each little syllable.

“Dearest (y/n)... you've, um, well... you are a huge inspiration for my work! A-And I wouldn't have been able to create any of this... without your help. You are kind, and smart and very talented.... and w-well, um I-”

You gotta silence the man with a kiss otherwise you two would be here all day. He's puddy in your hands and you can only giggle in return. “I really like you too, Pen.”

Everyone is either saying they called it or groaning in annoyance because fucking FINALLY, you two were just dancing around each other like idiots. The egg boys are just so happy to have someone else besides Pentious to be in their lives, and will do their best to look out for you just like with their own boss.

So yeah, prepare yourself for some sickeningly sweet gestures from this guy cause he will go above and beyond to get you what you need/want even if it kills him (again). And you can confidently say that you'd do the same in return.

Alastor 📻

After running in the same circles when you were alive, it's no surprise to you to end up in Hell, although you never would've suspected that you'd find yourself in the same place as him. It was honestly a huge relief not having to go through this all by yourself.

As Alastor exerted his dominance over Hell as the Radio Demon, you were powerful enough to be an Overlord yes, but rather liked keeping it on the down low instead of making a spectacle of yourself (Alastor was the one for theatrics anyway). Because of this, only select few knew of your true power and what you were capable of.

Instead, if there was one thing you were known for, it was being the only soul allowed to be close to the Radio Demon without the risk of death.

Yes, Alastor was a sadistic, cold-blooded and egotistical mastermind, but he wasn't a monster. You knew that better than anyone. Although the reactions he had to other demons treating you like a joke or calling you the ‘Radio Demon's Pet’ were not helping his case.

“ł₣ ɎØɄ V₳ⱠɄɆ ɎØɄⱤ ₴ØɄⱠ, ɎØɄ ₩łⱠⱠ ₩₳Ⱡ₭ ₳₩₳Ɏ Ɽł₲Ⱨ₮ ₦Ø₩ ฿Ɇ₣ØⱤɆ ł Ɽł₱ ł₮ ₳₱₳Ɽ₮ ฿ł₮ ฿Ɏ ฿ł₮...”

“Al, chill. You're gonna make them shit their pants.”

After his seven year absence, you immediately noticed something was wrong with him, and wouldn't stop pestering until he told you the truth—A deal he made and how his soul was now bound to someone much more powerful than he was.

You were obviously mortified and started looking into ways to try and find a loophole to this, but alas the Radio Demon would just give you his signature grin and tell you not to worry about it. It was his battle to face.

But of course you're quick to remind him that you've stuck together through thick and thin even in life, so there was no way you were letting him handle this by himself. You work as a team—always have and always will. You engulf him in a hug.

“We're gonna figure this out, Al. I promise...”

The grin remains, but his eyes widen slightly in surprise. He hesitantly returns the embrace, patting your back and wiping the tears you didn't even know you were shedding.

“There there~ To think such a sweet and innocent soul wound up in a gutter like this. I cannot say I complain as long as I have your delightful company beside me.”

And so when he says he has a plan that involves Princess Charlie Morningstar and her new Happy Hotel, you follow along. Whatever fate has in store for you two, you'll be ready.

Also Charlie is a sweetheart who could do no harm. Knowing Alastor, he'll probably do whatever he can here and there to help around for the cause. You also offer your services as an undercover Overlord, much to everyone's surprise when you reveal your status.

The Radio Demon may have a plan, but something tells you it won't involve bloody murder (unless extremely necessary or if someone really pissed him off).

Like you said—he's not a monster.

Lucifer 🍎

You and Lucifer were good friends at the beginning of Creation. While you were stuck with the tedious task of designing blueprints for the new ‘Human Project’ that headquarters had in store, Lucifer's Seraphim status allowed him to bring creations to life with the flick of a wrist, much to your delight and wonder.

His ideas and pitches for Earth were always so entertaining to listen to, and you would do your best to encourage him to show them to the higher ups to get them approved—His mind was just filled with joy and love and wonder that you'd never seen before.

Which was why it was always so disappointing whenever he'd come back and say that he was shut down and even mocked at. How could Heaven shut down such an imaginative mind in the creation of their biggest project yet?

To say you were devastated when you heard about his fall would be an understatement. You mourned the loss of your friend, knowing that he'd done nothing wrong and thinking it wasn't fair to him to receive such punishment just because he cared for the future of humanity.

Thousands of years later, you overhear the plan for Extermination of Hell kind. You didn't mean to walk by, yet here you were, under the direct eye of the Head Seraphims about to be downcast for something you had no control over—just like Lucifer.

“You're all self-entitled pricks! You think you can do whatever you want just because it doesn't follow what you define as good!”

You get a few good arguments before being cast downwards, leaving you in bad shape in a random alley with no wings and no means of escape. That is of course, until destiny seems to be on your side and Lucifer finds you, completely perplexed to see you here at all.

After getting treated, you tell him about the Extermination so he and Hell can prepare. The conversation of you getting cast down by Heaven gets glossed over, but he can feel the fury building up inside him. You were always doing things by the book—how could they do this to you?

Once the slaughter is over, Lucifer gets a meeting with Heaven and secures protection for both his daughter Charlie and you, to which they begrudgingly agree to keep him outta their hair. You can't help but feel touched by this gesture.

He's also quick to offer you a room to stay in, but you compromise by living in a seperate building from him and Charlie so you aren't a bother even though he says you aren't. In fact, ever since Lilith left, he's had to take care of his young daughter all by himself, so he's more than happy when you offer to help.

It doesn't take long for your feelings to start coming into the surface from all those years ago, and you gotta push them away because he's both married and has a child to look after! Besides, why would the King of Hell ever look in your direction?

Eventually though, he brings up the question with nothing but sweaty palms and a customized rubber ducky that says ‘I love you’ whenever you squeeze it. You blush furiously, but can't help but bring up your concerns, not wanting to replace Lilith in his heart. He looks into your eyes and says that he hasn't been as happy as he is now in the past thousand years.

Cue baby Charlie walking in on everything, and she just smiles and goes innocently. “Daddy! Is (y/n) staying home with us now?”

You two can only chuckle at the cuteness of it and you immediately go to hug her. You couldn't believe that you were blessed with such a wonderful family.

[horuslupercal]

ranking the primarchs as boyfriends

Lion: honestly I can't see him dating cause he doesn't like women and Caliban homophobia but let's pretend. he is better than you. you both know this. makes no particular effort to pay attention to you. bad at social cues. will take care of you, kind of. will tell his astartes to guard you in a dangerous situation at least. uncommunicative. 2/10 loveless political marriage

Fulgrim: canonically emotionally tapped out. okay boyfriend in public, does not really interact much in private. RSD.Primarch. decent amount of gifts. might actually catch feelings for you and then pull away even more. 1/10 are you really dating

Perturabo: also RSD.Primarch. it's difficult to make him happy and very easy to upset him. you will end up on life support when he kills you in a fit of rage and then panics about it. if you tell him you like his artsy endeavours he WILL shower you in them so there's that. you cannot fix him. 3/10 more unstable ground than eggshells

Khan: knows what he's about (sexual). writes very pretty letters but this does not quite make up for him being gone all the time. more interested in his friends. emotionally mature primarch. pretty good at interacting with mortals like he respects them. not a guy who's good at (or likes) commitment/being "tied down". 5/10 you should just be fwbs

Leman: well groomed. likes to feed you good food. more interested in his friends than you. braggart. surprisingly good at remembering important things and dates. 6/10 a thoughtful frat boy

Dorn: primarch most likely to indulge in a "shut up" ring. has emotions about you and literally tortures himself about it. claims he's controlled or whatever but he is an emotional time bomb. won't engage in relationship conversations. knows he's better than you. 3/10 dime a dozen in a philosophy class

Konrad: well fuck if he doesn't love you. believes in thought crime and possesses some moral OCD qualities. will trail bits of guts home. might accidentally kill you during a vision. he really does love you. swinging between obsession and apathy very quickly. 2/10 you knew what you were getting into

Sanguinius: afraid of you? (or of hurting you). half the time he has no energy for anything he gets off work (campaign) and lays down on the couch and doesn't answer his texts. impulsive. kind of incapable of turning "off". sad. tries to be sweet. 4/10 is he really interested in you?

Ferrus: throws tantrums. knows he's better than you and his legion knows it too. jokes about your weakness with a little too much regularity for it to feel like a joke. won't fix this if you express being upset about it. 1/10 /fit/ (4chan) regular

Angron: will kill you in his sleep. will cry about it. doesn't really think of himself as a complete person anymore and makes it the problem of everyone around him. doesn't want to date you and ruin you. won't even tell you his newest scheme for glorious combat based suicide. 1/10 he's not in a good place

Roboute: arrogant. busy. "I was a TA for a logic class-". says he's willing to communicate but leaves halfway through because something happened and doesn't pick it back up. will bring you to beautiful cliffside locales and spin you like a movie. 5/10 you are a side project

Mortarion: unwashed. kissing him will poison you. doesn't come to bed on time. appreciates you from a distance but does not pay much attention to you. would be very upset if something happened to you. his legion definitely thinks you're stupid. 1/10 he doesn't you he needs SSRIs

Magnus: knows better than you. horror movie protag's boyfriend who says it's just a joke as he reads the ancient texts from the creepy book. flaunts you around, he's very proud of you. either constantly asking what you want or completely dead to the world distracted in some project. 5/10 he will get you killed

Horus: lovebombing: the primarch. knows what he's about (sexual). more than a little self absorbed. occasionally loses his temper and then is very good about explaining it away until you feel bad. you are spoiled to hell. 4/10 emotionally abusive boyfriend with a magic aura

Lorgar: you are his world. his light. his life. he knows best and you should just do what he says. you will no longer be human but something higher (socially) (literally). gets so invested he lets other things fall to the wayside and it's kind of disastrous. 5/10 at least you're god

Vulkan: trying his best to actually respect you. occasionally fails. means to spend time with you and then gets wrapped up in duties and projects. cuddlemaster. cute relationship gestures. 7/10 your best option

Corvus: won't communicate. ghosts away when things get awkward. really random, overly intense opinions and he will slay you on those hills. busy. hypocrite. 1/10 teenager

Alpharius Omegon: either they're both in on this so they can use you or only one of them is in on this and the other one is plotting your death because this wasn't the plan. 1/10 actively dangerous

[too-much-tma-stuff]

Never a Dull Moment (Part 15)

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Well for all the meeting with the JL had sort of been shit, it had brought Jason back to the attention of the hero community. He was rebuilding, or building bonds with his adoptive brothers and, while he still wasn’t really a hero, he was far from joining the legion of doom. He wanted to help the heroes when he could, especially if they’d pay him, or return the favour later, or were family. But if he was going to be working with the heroes, and the bats again, there was one more person he really needed to make up with, and one more he needed to meet.

Steph hadn’t been part of the bats before he died, neither had Tim, so he had never met her, and Barb… he’d heard about what had happened to her. The Joker had shot her, paralyzed her from the waist down and officially, and permanently benched Batgirl. Apparently Huntress had tried to take the mantle for a while, but it didn’t suit her style. Jason wasn’t sure how he would handle seeing someone else so badly hurt by the Joker.

It helped that the Joker was dead now of course, but that wasn’t really the part of it he was worried about. She had found a new place for herself, carved out a space as Oracle, the bat’s ‘guy-in-the-chair’, she had adjusted to such a devastating change and she was… okay. He had died, yes, but he had been brought back, but he was unquestionably worse. Seeing her was going to make him so ashamed of himself. Through no fault of her own she was the standard Bats hurt by the joker were held to, and he had failed it spectacularly. 

Not that the others hadn’t been hurt by the Joker. Tim had told Jason about his time as Joker Junior in confidence and it sounded fucking awful, and Tim was permanently affected by it. He said he couldn’t remember many details but he knew he didn’t experience emotions the same way he had before, and he was still prone to bouts of mania. Jason could sympathize with that, he understood, and he certainly understood what it was like to fear insanity, what one could become if they finally fell off the knife edge they were tottering on. Both he and Danny were intimately familiar with that feeling, and they could all support each other through it. 

Once he had met ‘O’ maybe he would find out ways that she wasn’t as well adjusted as she seemed from the outside but right now? Jason found her tremendously intimidating. So sue him that he had been putting off meeting her in person again, in spite of Dickie’s gentle nagging to incorporate himself more with the Gotham vigilantes. 

“Really Jay, she’d be happy to meet you and it would make it so much easier to coordinate with you and help you if you need it.” Dick insisted as he followed from the living room to the kitchen, without seeming to register it.

“I’m already on the coms. I hacked them ages ago and she hasn’t booted me off, we can coordinate. It’s not like I ever ask you guys for help anyway,” Jason grumbled. “Why do you want me to meet your ex so badly?!” He snapped as he put the kitchen island between himself and Dick to enforce some space, then winced a little. He really needed to stop lashing out when he was feeling a bit defencive, thankfully these things seemed to just bounce off of Dick. Though the jury was out on if he knew Jason didn’t mean it or if they just went over his head. 

“Ya, but it’s her channels you’re hacking and honestly she’s starting to get pretty upset about you not engaging with her!” Dick said, talking with his hands to the extent Danny subtly rescued his glass of pop before it could get spilled or accidentally flung at the wall. “Doesn’t matter that she’s my ex, she's one of us and she’s good! You’re getting back involved with our family, you should get back in touch with her!”

Danny put the glass down on the counter and casually blocked Dick’s way before he could follow Jason around the counter, leaning against. He was doing that thing he did where he practically faded into the background without going fully invisible. Not interrupting the conversation while still keeping an eye on Jason, which he appreciated because he did not want to lose it on his well meaning (if pushy) brother. 

“I’m not fucking one of you! I’m not a hero!” Jason growled at Dick, feeling Danny gently rest a hand on his arm reminding him to take a deep breath. 

“But you’re still part of the family, Littlewing,” Dick pleaded, looking a little hurt and terribly hopeful. “Please?”

Jason felt that like a punch in the gut, and really he knew Dick was right and he should meet the two of them. He groaned and rubbed his face. “Fine, she’s always on the coms right? Next time I’ll just apologize for hacking them and have a chat.” 

“Actually Bruce will be off-world next week so we’re all having a family lunch at the manor, you should come!” Dick enthused.

“I haven’t-”

“Yes you have, I know you’ve sneaked in to visit Alfred! Not that I blame you of course. He’d love to have you there,” Dick interrupted, giving Jason his best puppy dog eyes.

Shit, bringing up Alfred was just cheating, those puppy dog eyes didn’t usually work on him but Jason could feel himself softening. His shoulders slowly drooping before he heaved a sigh and rolled his eyes. “Fine, yes, we’ll come,” He grumbled.

“We’ll?” Dick asked looking confused, before Danny slipped out of his half visible state and pressed against Jason’s side smiling at Dick. 

“We’re looking forward to it,” Danny said, smiling at Dick. He hadn’t technically been invited, but surely they couldn’t expect Jason to go without his partner. 

“Oh, ah, right,” Dick said shifting awkwardly. He looked like he might want to suggest Jason's first family lunch since getting back should be with family only, but Danny put on his best innocently excited look and Dick couldn’t bring himself to say no. He stifled a sigh and put his smile back on. “Great! I’m sure Alfred will be happy to have both of you.”

“Great. Now that you’ve gotten your way will you both get out of my kitchen so I can cook?!” Jason insisted, still only half regretting inviting Dick over for dinner tonight.

---------

Jason knew better than to bring anything to the family dinner. Alfred liked to do all of the cooking for these things, he considered coming early to help him with the cooking he wanted to do. But honestly he didn’t think that he could handle any more time with the family then was absolutely needed. Just going back to the manor, not just sneaking into the kitchen to have tea with Alfred, was going to be hard enough. 

Danny wasn’t anywhere near as nervous as Jason was, he was sort of excited to meet them and to get a tour of the home Jason had spent such formative years in. Jason caught the mischievous look in Danny’s eyes when he talked about getting a tour and Jason was pretty sure that Bruce was going to come back to find that something expensive or potentially sentimental had been mysteriously broken. Jason didn’t mention it, he didn’t blame Danny for the urge and didn’t want to know anything about it. He just wanted to show up for dinner, stay for an hour or two to make nice, and then get drunk.

“Jason? We’re going to be late,” Danny said softly, leaning against the back of the couch where Jason was sitting. He didn’t say it with any urgency, he wasn’t rushing Jason. It was a gentle reminder, if Jason wanted to be late Danny would support it, if Jason wanted to cancel and not go at all Danny would curl up on the couch with him and not bring up the dinner again  unless Jason did. Even if he did want to go.

“You’re right, we should get going,” Jason agreed and stood up. “How do I look?” He asked, he was wearing untorn jeans and a short sleeved shirt with a collar, almost a polo.

Danny gave him a considerate look, “Downright preppy,” He chuckled, leaning forward to giving Jason a gentle kiss. He was wearing a sort of silky black button down and tight jeans, also nice, but more his style. 

Jason laughed softly into the kiss and gripped Danny’s hips, pulling him closer and prolonging the kiss as Danny let out a little sound of pleasure. Maybe they should be late after all…

Danny broke the kiss and stepped away. “You look good Jason, you’ll make a good impression on them. And no matter what happens you’ll still have me. If you want to cut them all off again and go back to the way things were, you’ll still have me. No matter what.” Danny promised Jason, holding his hand and guiding him towards the door. 

“I’m not going to isolate us again Danny. And you shouldn’t let me even if I try,” Jason told Danny, trying to keep his tone light to undercut how much he meant it. “And if I do feel free to stage an intervention.”

Danny laughed and gave Jason a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, and didn’t respond. Well that was clearly a topic they were going to have to talk about more later, but apparently now was not the time because Danny tugged Jason more forcefully out of the door. Jason took over leading the way down and tugged Danny onto the back of his bike before taking off toward the manor. 

The gate opened as they pulled up which meant someone must have been watching for them, Jason barely had to slow down to duck through the half open gate. He skidded to a stop at the end of the long driveway that separated the Wayne’s from the rest of Gotham. He hadn’t noticed anyone hanging around the gate but he wondered if anyone would notice the two new people driving into the estate, and if there would be any speculation about who they were. He hoped not, unless it would give Bruce a headache, then maybe he could put up with it.

Danny hopped off the back of his bike and took off his helmet, fussing and fluffing up his flattened hair as he looked around them with a grin. Jason flipped down the kickstand and got up as well, taking off his helmet and shrugging off his jacket. Quickly Dick came bursting out of the door and leaping down the front steps to hug Jason, who quickly redirected Dick at Danny who laughed and hugged Dick tightly, lifting him off the ground and making him squeak. 

Jason grinned and looked up, freezing for just a moment when he saw Alfred, standing in the open doorway with his hands clasped behind his back, watching them with a barely there smile. Jason left the other two as Danny put Dick down again laughing at his expression, and Jason went up the stairs ahead of them. 

“It’s good to see you again Master Jason,” Alfred murmured to him, resting a hand on his shoulder. His accent and the warmth in his eyes always felt like home, Jason’s shoulder unknotted a little. “I know the manor doesn’t feel like home for you, but you’re still always welcome here.”

“I know Alfred,” Jason said softly. And he did, even Bruce wouldn’t turn him out, though he would ask for certain concessions. Any time Jason wanted to give up and come home, he could, too bad he’d always been too proud and too driven to give up. He’d blow everything up first, a trait he wasn’t exactly proud of. 

“As long as you know. Come on in, you and your partner,” He said, nodding behind Jason and when he glanced back Danny was there and he nudged gently against Jason’s shoulder. Jason took the hint and wrapped an arm around Danny’s shoulders.

“Alfred, this is my boyfriend Danny. Danny, this is the family butler, and pseudo grandfather, Alfred.” Jason introduced them and Danny smiled brightly, holding out his hand. 

“It’s nice to meet you!” Danny said as Alfred shook his hand. “Jason has told me so much about you, I’m so glad to finally meet you.” 

“And I you young man, it is delightful to meet anyone who has brought so much joy to my grandchildren’s lives,” Alfred said warmly before ushering them all inside and to the dining room to get them all drinks. 

“It’s good to finally meet you!” A blond girl popped out of nowhere making Jason jump. 

“Fu-”

“Language Master Jason!” Alfred cut in.

“Sorry Alfred, she just startled me,” Jason told him before looking back at the blond. “So you must be Steph eh? Kinda funny how the people who date into this fucked up family never escape even long after the breakup,” He chuckled as he offered her his hand, which she grabbed with both of hers and shook vigorously. 

“Hey I could totally leave if I want to, I didn’t become Spoiler because of him! I like being a vigilante!” She insisted before letting go and moving on to shake Danny’s hand. “Behold! Your future,” She joked and he cackled. 

“Jason and I aren’t planning to break up any time soon,” he joked back. “And I was a cape long before I met him, more of a cape then I am now actually,” He said, clicking his tongue and snuggling back against Jason’s side when she let go. 

“Oh ya? How’d you get into it,” Steph asked curiously. 

“Oh it was after I got my powers at 14,” Danny started to explain. A story Jason had heard before, and he had a feeling Steph already knew as well but wanted to hear directly from the source. 

Jason looked up and around the room, sort of tuning out their conversation since he already had an idea how it would go. He spotted Barbra quickly, she had pulled her wheelchair at the table, she had her elbows propped on the arms and her hands folded, staring at him over steepled fingers. Well, time to face the music. He kissed the top of Danny’s head and slipped away, walking around the table and sitting down next to her. 

“Hey Barbie,” He said a little awkwardly, she gave him a look that made him wince. “Sorry Barbra,” He murmured, wondering how she perfected Alfred’s disappointed look more than any of the kids who actually grew up with him.

“Barb is fine,” She said, spinning her chair to face him a little more. 

“Right, it’s- um, it’s good to see you again?” He said it like a question. 

“Really?” She asked, raising her eyebrows and leaning back in her chair. “And here I thought you’d been avoiding me.”

“Ya, I’m sorry. I don’t really have any excuse,” He admitted, looking away from her. 

“Do you have a reason?” She asked, raising one eyebrow. 

“Well, ya, but I don’t know if it’s a good one,” He told her.

“Tell it to me anyway.”

“I couldn’t face someone else The Joker hurt so bad. I didn’t know about Timmer’s Joker Jr incident when I reached out to him,” Jason sighed, unable to look at her. 

“What? Am I everything you don’t want to be?” She asked dryly and he shook his head. 

“No, you’re what I should have been if I was stronger,” He admitted with a sigh. “I’m sure you had a ton of shit to work through, but you moved forward and found a new role for yourself, stayed a part of the family and didn’t distance yourself. You’re not stuck in the past, obsessed with revenge and so fucking angry and scared,” Jason grumbled. 

“So I make you feel inadequate?” She asked with an amused note to her voice. 

“Ya I guess so,” Jason said with a bitter little snort of a laugh.

“I guess I can understand that,” Barb sighed with a little shrug. “You shouldn't compare yourself to others like that though you know. It's not healthy, you're on your own ‘healing journey’.” At least she put finger-quotes around the phrase. None of the bats took particularly well to therapy talk though she must have had a decent amount of it after her injury. Commissioner Gordon wouldn't have let her go without.

“Gee thanks,” Jason said,  rolling his eyes. “But also, kinda ya. I'm trying to be better you know? That's why I'm here, I'm trying to do better you know? I appreciate that you haven't kicked me off the coms, but I'd like to be on them in a more official way now. Me and Danny, we care about Gotham too, we should work with her other protectors a bit more.”

“Remember you're not supposed to talk about work at dinner, did you already forget that rule?” She teased him with a little smile, at least she didn't seem mad anymore. “But I agree, I'll officially add you to our contacts for Arkham breakouts and stuff.

“Now I think Steph is about to give your boyfriend a tour of the manor, do you want to go with them?” Barb asked, gesturing over at Danny, who was indeed being dragged out of the room while laughing.

“Nah, it seems like they're getting along well and I already know my way around here if I need to,” he said with a shrug. “Unless you're trying to get a break from me, then I'll go.”

“No, honestly I'd rather not be left alone with Dick,” she joked making Jason laugh properly and relax at least a little. He relaxed properly when Alfred brought out drinks and appetizers. Soon he was teasing Dick along with Barb, and getting disapproving looks for talking with his mouth full.

Just as food was brought to the table Steph and Danny returned, Jason could tell from how smug Danny looked that something was in the house was broken, Steph seemed blissfully ignorant. Danny slid into the open seat next to Jason. Jason gave him a questioning look, Danny winked and Jason rolled his eyes, he'd find out more about whatever it was Danny had broken later. Tim joined them at the last minute as well, apologizing for losing track of time in his lab. 

The foods was wonderful, Alfred's cooking always tasted like home, and he was the reason Jason showed his love by feeding people. Everything Alfred made was made with love and soon everyone was chatting between bites. Danny and Tim were talking about his lab, which hadn't been part of the tour so Tim was going to show Danny after dinner. Barb and Jason had started talking about books and Dick kept butting in with irrelevant details because he wasn't very academic but he wanted to be part of the conversation. Steph got him off their back by starting to tease him for being a cop and pestering him for stories.

Things were going really well, until everyone's phones went off, with the special ring tones. Everyone reached for their phones. 

“No phones at the tab-” Alfred started automatically before he realized the implications of all of them getting a call. He closed his mouth with a very soft click, Jason didn't have a JL phone, but even he had gotten a text from Wonder Woman so he checked it to. 

There is a disturbance, we will likely need assistance from you and Hyena. We are waiting for word from Constantine.

“Well shit. Sorry dinner’s gotta end early Alfred, it looks like it's all hands on deck. At least we're all here so Danny and I can just Zeta in with all of you.” Jason sighed and pushed back from the table. 

“I don't have my suit,” Danny exclaimed, startled, “I didn't think I'd need it!”

“How quickly can you get it?” Dick asked, clearly worried.

“Give me ten minutes, is there anything you want me to get for you as well?” Jason nodded and told Danny some specific weapons Danny had built for him.  Danny nodded before transforming and speeding out through the wall leaving shocked silence in his wake.

“So that's what his other form looks like? Pretty cool!” Dick exclaimed finally. “Anyway, we should get ready too. Let's head down to the cave and see what info they've already sent through. 

[vexwerewolf]

I always figured the Imperials were the good guys.

Nnnnnngh… no. Imperials are the better of two bad options, and it's really muddied because Bethesda lost its good writers years before Skyrim came out. I can feel a hyperfixation coming on, so a quick TL;DR: the Empire is an Empire so it's still bad, the Stormcloaks are just racist saboteurs led by a Manchurian agent and Tiber Septim is a gigantic piece of shit who ruined everything.

Okay, so the Empire functionally lost its equivalent of the Mandate of Heaven when Martin Septim died heirless at the end of Oblivion. His sacrifice forged a new compact to end the Daedric incursions, but by that point Imperial infrastructure throughout Tamriel had been so badly damaged that it could no longer maintain order. By the time the Mede dynasty got its feet under it, several provinces had either risen in revolt against the Empire or and were busy violently settling bitter generational rivalries with each other.

Most notably, this included the Thalmor, who are openly and proudly an Altmer supremacist movement. Their primary goal is to end the dominion of Men on Tamriel and institute a second Merethic Era dominated by them. This is the most obvious reason for why they want to ban Talos worship - the idea that a Man could become Divine is grossly incompatible with their worldview. (I must note that there's also a much-discussed fan theory stating that they intend to unmake creation in its current form and destroying Talos worship is part of that, but it's partially based on sources whose canonicity is in doubt, so I'm not going to discuss it further at this time.) The Thalmor are pretty much explicitly Elf Nazis, right down to invading foreign countries and rounding up their religious minorities.

It should be considered, however, that Tiber Septim was an UNBELIEVABLY MASSIVE PIECE OF SHIT. There's credible evidence that during his mortal life he assassinated the Cyrodillian monarch to whom he had sworn fealty and then seized his throne. He had a dalliance with Berenziah that ended up getting her pregnant, then forcibly abducted her and had the child aborted without her consent. After gaining Numidium from a treaty with the Tribunal of Morrowind, he discovered that they hadn't given them its power source (Lorkhan's Heart - understandable, since it was the source of their false divinity), and so he created a new one, the Mantella, by tearing the souls out of Ysmir and Zurin Arctus, two of his most loyal companions. He used Numidium to brutally conquer the rest of Tamriel and then turned it on all the noble families in Cyrodil who hadn't supported him. His empire - as all empires are - was built entirely on murder, pillage and rape. And - as all emperors do - he rewrote his own history because nobody dared openly oppose it. If the Aedra truly did award him a seat amongst them after this (and the fact that his bloody armor counts as "the blood of a divine" in Oblivion suggests that they did), it's questionable whether any of them are worthy of worship.

Nonetheless, worship of Talos was of extreme cultural importance to the Nords, because he was considered by history to have been a Nord, and indeed born in Atmora, the mythic first homeland of the Nords (although, again, it's likely he was just fucking lying - heterodox historical accounts suggest he was born in High Rock and never saw Atmora in his life). The White-Gold Concordat was formulated specifically to provoke division between the remaining provinces of the Empire - the Thalmor correctly predicted that the Nords would never tolerate being stripped of their right to worship Talos, and would rise in revolt against an Empire that mandated it.

The specific cause of the Stormcloak Rebellion is also… dubious. During the war with the Thalmor, the Imperial Legion had all but pulled out of Skyrim. This allowed an uprising by the Reachmen, an ethnic minority within southwestern Skyrim who, notably, had been brutally disenfranchised and stripped of their land by… Tiber Septim! Thanks, Talos, you continue to be a gigantic piece of shit! Anyway, they seized control of Markarth and held it for two years, during which by most accounts they ruled it as an independent kingdom that was making overtures towards being recognised by the Empire. After the signing of the White-Gold Concordat, Ulfric Stormcloak raised an army to retake it, and was promised by the Jarl of the Reach (and, allegedly, the Empire itself) that worship of Talos would be freely allowed in Markarth. Ulfric Stormcloak then proceeded to lay siege to the city and butcher it, ethnically cleansing the city of every last Reachman down to the women and children, slaughtering any Nord who had collaborated with them and allegedly even killing those citizens of Markarth who hadn't answered his call to arms.

Inevitably, the Thalmor found out about the Talos worship anyway and the Jarl was forced to sell out Ulfric and his men. This is generally considered to be the betrayal that sparked the civil war, but at this point we must examine who Ulfric is.

Ulfric was trained in the Thu'um from an early age by the Greybeards, but abandoned his tutelage to fight in the Great War. We know little of his performance other than that he was captured by the Thalmor, tortured extensively, and falsely made to believe that the information he had given under torture was instrumental in the fall of the Imperial City. His father, the Jarl of Windhelm, died while he was in prison, and he was forced to deliver a eulogy via a letter that he had smuggled out of the prison. He claims he escaped from captivity, while Thalmor records claim that they let him go intentionally; neither source is particularly reliable.

From a sociopolitical standpoint, Ulfric is a staunch Nordic traditionalist who openly states that he doesn't believe Skyrim has had a "true" High King for centuries, considering recent monarchs to simply be puppets installed by the Empire. He also seems to be deeply racist: in contrast to his father, he banned Argonians from entering Windhelm proper, confining them to the Assemblage on the docks, and he's allowed racist sentiments towards the Dunmer residents of the Grey Quarter to worsen. Even citizens of Windhelm who support the rebellion comment that isn't doing very much governing, since the civil war eats up most of his attention.

One point I will give to Ulfric is that establishing Skyrim as an independent kingdom that can actively resist the Thalmor isn't actually as far-fetched as it seems. After the White-Gold Concordat ceded half of Hammerfell to the Thalmor, Hammefell said "how about fuck you," broke from the Empire entirely, and smacked the Thalmor down so hard they had to sign the Second Treaty of Stros M'Kai and retreat from Hammerfell entirely. This rendered the nation a haven for those opposed to the Thalmor, and they're in such a strong position that the Alik'r can actively hunt Thalmor collaborators like Saadia in other nations. Hammerfell is in a better position than Skyrim, and it did it without any Imperial aid.

(A hilarious fact about the Hammerfell situation is that the Thalmor tried the exact same thing there - inciting a civil war between the Crowns and the Forebears, two factions that have hated one another for generations. Unfortunately, they fucked it up so badly that it actually managed to end the rivalry and unite both of them against the Thalmor.)

But this is where Bethesda's inability to actually capitalize on the good parts of their writing really gets to me.

The Empire in Skyrim… sucks. Like, from your perspective as a player, the first experience you have of the Empire is "okay, so you were at the border alongside this guy and we're executing him today so I guess you get to die too." The only decent Imperial you meet is Hadvar, who makes a lukewarm plea for your life but doesn't press the issue.

All of the Imperial Jarls except for Balgruuf and Idgrod Ravencrone are dogshit. Elisif is a naive, incompetent teenager. Siddgeir is an arrogant, incompetent ponce. Igmund is a spineless Thalmor toady reigning over stolen land, having broken a promise he made to Ulfric and thus being partially responsible for the civil war. The replacement Jarls you get if you side with the Empire and conquer territories the Stormcloaks hold at the start of the game fall into two categories: "who?" and "oh fuck not you." If I say the names Brina Merilis or Kraldar, I bet you won't even remember who I'm talking about. Brunwulf Free-Winter, the replacement for Ulfric Stormcloak, has ONE personality feature and it's "I'm slightly less racist than Ulfric." But when you capture Riften for the Empire, the new Jarl is MAVEN FUCKING BLACK-BRIAR, THE SECOND-WORST PERSON IN SKYRIM.

But the Stormcloaks suck worse. Laila-Law Giver is a puppet for the Black-Briar crime family. Skald the Elder is a grumpy, hidebound old man. Korir might as well not be ruling anything at all. If you side with them, you have to sell out Balgruuf when the matter of Whiterun comes up - a man who has never been anything but helpful, supportive, trusting and forthright with you. Oh, and let's not forget that if you take the Reach for the Stormcloaks, the new Jarl is THONGVOR SILVER-BLOOD, LITERAL SLAVEOWNER AND WORST PERSON IN SKYRIM.

(There is an absolutely cursed timeline wherein during the "territory trade" at the peace talks you can hold during the main quest if you haven't finished the civil war quest yet where Maven gets the Rift and Thongor gets the Reach, meaning you have just installed the two most powerful crime families in the country into positions of executive power.)

This isn't just a case of "of course both sides aren't perfect and have issues." This is just "both sides fucking suck." A better game would allow you to make some headway in resolving the massive issues that face Skyrim, but I've already written like nine billion words here so maybe I should go into that at a different time.

[azucaradamente]

streamer!kenma x reader - secret relationship

Synopsis. kenma, in the peak of his career neglected y/n, but dont worry! our pudding head knows exactly how to fix things!

wc. 2,9k words | genre. angst to fluff | cw/tags. streamer!kenma x reader, angst to fluff, post time skip, neglect.

important ! Please if the content was of ur enjoyment dont doubt following me, liking and sharing ;D! maybe i'll make this a little series of streamer!kenma and his girlfriend lives, i have nothing else to say so, enojey! !

Kozume Kenma, or "kodzuken" to his online legion, had finally reached the apex of his streaming career. Years of relentless grinding had paid off, but success often comes with a price. Especially for a relationship... and a sometimes insecure girlfriend.

Y/N, once the undisputed star of Kenma's social media and life, felt a pang of loneliness. She was undeniably happy for her boyfriend, but ever since his rise to influencer status, things had changed. Gone were the days of their selfies plastered across his feeds. Now, his past posts, brimming with her face, were archived – a digital ghost town. Kenma, wary of online scrutiny, decided to keep their relationship private. While Y/N understood the logic, it gnawed at her. Five years together, built on trust and shared experiences, felt invisible to the world. Unknown to Kenma, sleepless nights plagued Y/N.

His phone buzzed incessantly, a constant barrage of love comments, fan messages professing love, and even DMs from other streamers seeking collaboration. Despite knowing Kenma's loyalty, a seed of doubt sprouted – a fear of being overshadowed by his online fame.

Today wasn't any different. Y/N woke to an empty space beside her, the familiar chill a stark contrast to Kenma's usual warmth. He was probably hunched over his computer again, another night sacrificed to the algorithm gods. A pang of sympathy stabbed at her. How could she blame him? Reaching the peak of streaming was his dream, and his excitement over the recent growth was infectious. All she wanted to do was support him, even if it meant sacrificing their mornings together.

Treading softly towards the studio, the faint glow of the monitor spilling into the hallway. Inside, Kenma was indeed sprawled on the worn couch, exhaustion etched on his face. She knelt beside him, her touch feather-light as she ran her fingers through his sleep-tousled hair.

"Ken… sweetheart," she whispered, her voice a gentle nudge. "Why didn't you join me in bed? Your back will hate you later."

Kenma stirred, a low groan escaping his lips. "Just… so tired, Y/N. Almost beat my viewer record last night." A hint of pride snuck into his voice despite the fatigue.

"Amazing, babe! That's fantastic news," Y/N beamed. "But sleep is important too. Come on, let's get you some proper rest. Breakfast is ready, I made your favorite – [insert Kenma's favorite food]."

His response was a mumbled curse, a stark contrast to his usual cheer. A frown tugged at Y/N's lips. Was he annoyed? She knew he was exhausted, but his reaction felt harsher than usual. Maybe she was overthinking it. Taking a deep breath, she nudged him again, this time a little more firmly.

"Up you get, sleepyhead. We can talk more after breakfast."

Moments later, Kenma shuffled out of the studio, a mix of exhaustion and… something else clouding his features. Y/N followed, her smile strained. Breakfast was ready, but the air between them felt thick, a potential storm brewing beneath the surface.

The breakfast was a tense affair. Kenma scrolled through his phone, barely picking at his food. The silence stretched, punctuated only by the clinking of his fork. Finally, Y/N decided to break the ice.

"Hey," she started cautiously, "I was thinking… we haven't really had any quality time together lately. Don't you think it would be nice to… maybe go somewhere tomorrow? Just the two of us?"

Before she could finish her suggestion, Kenma let out a heavy sigh. "Y/N, I can't tomorrow, or today for that matter. I'm swamped. There's this charity stream thing with some new, up-and-coming streamer. My manager practically forced me to do it."

A flicker of disappointment crossed Y/N's face, but she quickly plastered on a smile. "Oh, I see. No worries, I understand completely. You're busy, that's perfectly fine." Her voice held a hint of forced cheerfulness.

A beat of silence hung in the air, heavy with unspoken emotions.

"Of course I understand," Y/N continued, her voice dropping to a low murmur. Maybe a little too low. "My name isn't Kozume 'Always Understanding' Y/N, after all."

Kenma finally looked up from his phone, his brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean? What are you getting at?"

Y/N's carefully constructed smile faltered. A surge of frustration bubbled within her. "Maybe," she said, her voice tight, "you should consider what being 'Kozume Understanding' actually costs sometimes."

Kenma pushed back from the table, barely touching his breakfast. "Look, I appreciate you trying to be supportive, but I have a lot on my plate right now. I gotta get everything set up for today's stream." He mumbled something about needing more coffee and practically bolted out of the room.

Y/N sat alone at the table, the untouched food mocking her. Tears welled up in her eyes, blurring her vision. Understanding was one thing, but feeling invisible was a whole other story. The air crackled with unspoken resentment, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth.

A few hours had crawled by since the breakfast debacle. Y/N found herself folding warm laundry in the bedroom, the rhythmic whoosh of the dryer a monotonous lullaby. In an attempt to bridge the gap, she turned on the TV, pulling up Kenma's stream. He was just a few rooms away, physically close yet emotionally distant. Tuning in had always been a source of comfort, a way to connect even when they were apart.

But today, the comfort was replaced by a gnawing emptiness. The stream displayed two camera feeds: Kenma on one side, and a girl on the other. The unfamiliar face sent a jolt through Y/N. So, this was the "new streamer" Kenma mentioned. Y/N hadn't expected a girl.

They were playing Minecraft, a stark contrast to the usual high-octane games Kenma gravitated towards. The girl was chirping cheerfully, gathering flowers, while Kenma focused on mining deep underground. A humorless chuckle escaped Y/N's lips. How predictable.

Despite his focus, the chat box buzzed with activity. "Great duo!" "Shipping them so hard!" "You two should collab more often!" The girl, clearly enjoying the attention, punctuated her flower-picking with playful glances towards Kenma and flirtatious comments. He, on the other hand, seemed oblivious, a mix of annoyance and feigned disinterest etched on his features. He muttered a few sarcastic replies, clearly trying to deflect her advances.

But Y/N wasn't convinced. The way the girl preened, the way the chat reacted, it all felt… intrusive. A subtle shift began to gnaw at her. Maybe it wasn't just the lack of quality time that bothered her. Maybe it was the realization that this new reality, this world Kenma inhabited, wasn't one she felt comfortable sharing.

With a decisive click, Y/N shut off the TV. Enough boyfriend content for one day, she thought bitterly. Intellectually, she knew there was nothing wrong with Kenma collaborating with another streamer, especially a girl. Yet, a suffocating tightness constricted her chest.

It wasn't just the girl's undeniable beauty – the cascading hair, the infectious voice, the effortless charm that seemed to captivate the chat. It was the way the internet, that ever-hungry beast, latched onto the situation.

Four hours. That's all it took for the fandom to erupt. Fan art depicting them as a couple flooded Twitter. A dedicated hashtag, #KenmaAndQueen (Queen being the other streamer's username, no doubt), trended at an alarming rate. The internet worked in mysterious ways, Y/N thought, a humorless laugh escaping her lips.

Tears pricked at her eyes as she scrolled through clips people had already made of the stream. The girl's relentless flirting, the forced interactions designed to fuel speculation – it all felt like a cruel parody of their own relationship. Y/N couldn't hold back any longer. Fat tears streamed down her face, blurring the screen.

The last few months of loneliness and neglect had taken their toll. The trickle of tears transformed into a torrent, sobs wracking Y/N's body. The sound was probably louder than she'd intended, echoing through the house.

A few minutes later, Kenma appeared at the bedroom door, his face etched with concern. "Y/N? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Y/N's sobs intensified, her voice barely a whisper. "Kenma," she managed to choke out, "do you like Queen?"

Kenma's brow furrowed in confusion. "Queen? What do you mean?"

"The streamer you were with today," Y/N explained, her voice trembling. "Do you like her? Is she better than me? Prettier? Funnier?"

Her words hung in the air, heavy with insecurity. She felt like a shadow compared to Queen's radiant presence, her own worth diminishing with each passing moment.

Kenma's eyes widened in disbelief. "Y/N, what are you talking about? Queen is just a colleague. I don't like her in that way. And you're the most amazing, beautiful, and intelligent person I know. Don't ever compare yourself to anyone else."

He gently pulled her into a hug, his warmth radiating through her. "I love you, Y/N. More than words can say. You're the only one for me."

Y/N's tears subsided, replaced by a sense of relief. Kenma's words were like a balm to her wounded soul. She nuzzled into his embrace, feeling safe and loved.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice still laced with emotion. "I just felt so insecure watching you with her. The fans, the comments, the whole situation just got to me."

Kenma chuckled softly. "I understand, love. But you have nothing to worry about. You're my everything, and no one could ever replace you."

He held her tighter, his presence a comforting anchor in the storm of her emotions. Y/N felt a surge of gratitude for this man who saw her for who she truly was, insecurities and all.

As they sat in silence, enveloped in each other's embrace, a sense of peace settled over Y/N. Kenma's words had not magically erased her insecurities, but they had offered a glimmer of hope, a reminder that their love was strong enough to weather any storm. An idea sparked in Kenma's eyes. He reached for Y/N's hand, his expression a mix of determination and nervousness. "Come on," he said gently, pulling her towards his streaming room.

Y/N's heart hammered against her ribs. She wasn't sure what Kenma was planning, but a sliver of hope flickered within her. They entered the room, the familiar hum of the computer the only sound. Kenma settled back into his gaming chair, gesturing for Y/N to stand beside him, just out of frame.

He took a deep breath and addressed the chat. "Hey everyone, sorry for the sudden break. Thanks to some attentive viewers, it seems you might have heard some… background noise." He glanced at Y/N, a playful smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "Yep, those cries were from my amazing girlfriend here."

A collective gasp, presumably from Queen, erupted from the speakers. Y/N felt a wave of heat flush her cheeks. Kenma ignored it, his focus laser-sharp.

"The truth is," he continued, his voice low and sincere, "I haven't been the best boyfriend lately. I let my career take priority, neglecting the most important person in my life." Y/N's breath caught in her throat.

He reached out, gently taking her hand in his. "This is me, publicly apologizing. Y/N, I've been a jerk, and I want to change that." He squeezed her hand, his eyes locking with hers, conveying a wealth of emotions that transcended words.

A beat of silence hung in the air, thick with tension. Then, with a swift movement, Kenma pulled Y/N closer, framing her face in the camera's view. "This," he declared, his voice husky, "is the most amazing, supportive, and thankfully, understanding girlfriend a guy could ask for." He leaned in, his lips brushing hers in a tender kiss.

"Isn't she the prettiest?" Kenma murmured against her skin, a playful glint in his eyes. He pulled back slightly, cupping her face, his gaze holding hers. A blush bloomed across Y/N's cheeks, a mixture of relief, surprise, and a flicker of possessiveness aimed at the unseen Queen.

Kenma chuckled, the sound warm and genuine. "Alright everyone, enough mush for one day. We'll be back with the stream shortly, but for now, I have some serious apologizing to do." He winked at Y/N, a silent promise hanging in the air.

[helvegen-s]

Rage, rage | one

index

Pairing: Azriel x Hybern!Princess!OC

Summary: Nimue was a gift for the King of Hybern. His shining jewel, the perfect heir. However, she is clear about who the villain of the story is. When she saves her father's enemies from a tragic end, she realizes that now it's the Cauldron who has a gift for her: a mate.

Warnings: PTSD, description of injuries, bad language, the King of hybern (jumpscare), if there is anything more, please let me know.

A/N: so here it is, the first part. I really hope you enjoy it and that you get to love Nimue just as much as I do. Any kind of support is greatly appreciated! 🥰

Standing in the middle of that enormous training ground, Nimue counted the scars on her hands one by one: first her left hand, tracing each one with her right thumb; then her right hand, tracing each one with her left thumb. It had become a ritual, something that anchored her back to the physical world, slowly pulling her away from her daydreams.

Once again, she felt the weight of her body on her own bones, on her own muscles. A couple of deep breaths, and with the short sword in her hand, she began the series of exercises again. The same series of exercises as yesterday, the day before, and for the last twenty years.

Twenty years in which Nimue had grown accustomed to her new life. New, because she knew she had always been there, inside the Cauldron, and against her will those hands had torn her away from her place, her home. She had ended up in Hybern, locked in a castle and with a princess title she didn't know where it came from, as she shared no genetic bond with the man who called himself her father, the King of Hybern.

The King of Hybern, who with the Cauldron in his hands and desperate to conceive a powerful heir, had submerged his poor and naive concubine in the poisonous water of the Cauldron. The woman, pregnant with the king's offspring and terrified of disobeying the cruel king's orders, obeyed.

Thus, the liquid of the Cauldron separated skin from muscle, muscle from tendon, tendon from bone, and the poor woman who screamed dissolved like salt in water. Before the eyes of the entire court, the King had burned one of his concubines alive, and in return, a young girl had emerged from the Cauldron. Nimue, The Radiant, the daughter of the king, created by the Cauldron.

Nimue knew all this because in the depths of her bones, and only when she let her guard down, she felt the despair of her mother when she was submerged. If she closed her eyes and concentrated, she could feel her own muscles dissolving, melting, the bones crunching and bursting, the muffled screams, the life of the poor woman extinguishing.

That only filled her with rage. A rage that boiled inside her, in every fiber of her being. Sometimes she let it grow, let it spread through every drop of her blood, like poison disguised in wine: she shaped it to her liking, gave it the form she wanted. She shaped her rage into swords, laying waste to entire legions with her rage, burning entire forests with her rage...

One could only imagine that in the face of such destruction, her "father" would be angry. No one wanted a daughter who killed hundreds of soldiers every time she trained. However, the reaction was completely opposite: a smile, some congratulations, a pat on the back, a kiss on the forehead, a small hug...

Small displays of affection that Nimue drank as if she were dying of thirst. After all, he was her "father".

Children are meant to make their parents proud. Or that's what she told herself every night before falling asleep.

She stopped abruptly before finishing her last set of exercises and looked up.

Above her, in the corridor surrounding that enclosed training ground, courtiers of her father, guards, servants, people who stopped to admire her if they had the time, kept passing by. Sometimes they made comments about the natural grace with which her movements seemed to defy gravity itself. Every gesture of hers was fluid and harmonious, as if she were in perfect harmony with the universe around her. It was so, because after all, the world around her had come from the Cauldron. And she was the Cauldron.

Sometimes, however, they made comments about the monster the King had created. An aberration.

With a flick of her wrist, her weapon disappeared into the air, she spun around, and left that training ground. She walked through the halls of the Palace, navigating intersections and crossing doors until she reached the very center of her home. The great stone cavern where the throne was situated. Even before entering, she could hear the voice of the King, and without entering the room, she listened.

"My patience is running out, filthy rats. If you don't know how to do your job, I'll have you thrown to the nagas, and let them do whatever they please with you, you pack of useless scoundrels."

Nimue entered the cavern, her gaze forward and her chin high, those airs of superiority she knew belonged to her. She walked among those present, who made way for her, feeling the hairs on their necks stand at attention in the presence of the princess. With a determined step, she approached her father, who only raised and lowered his eyebrows in response.

"What's the problem, father?" Oh, that mask of innocent girl that many swallowed. She might even dare say that sometimes, the King himself took her for naive, for innocent. When she was anything but, far from it.

She carefully observed the situation: before her father, and kneeling before the steps of the throne, were four of the six spies she knew her father had designated in Prythian, specifically in the Night Court. Among them, two bodies completely mutilated, almost unrecognizable. However, Nimue recognized them as the other two spies that were missing. She lifted her head and let the smell of blood penetrate her nose, savoring it on her palate. That's when she noticed the slightest hint of cedar and mist. She frowned and looked at her father.

"It's nothing, my sweet child. I'm just dealing with these useless ones," the King turned sharply towards those men, who, under the scrutiny of father and daughter, only sank deeper into their shame. With their heads bowed to the ground, they trembled so much that Nimue could hear the chatter of their teeth. "Do your job and find out everything. Everything. And if you have to kill that petty High Lord, you will."

Nimue did everything to hide her smile. She knew those four useless men stood no chance against that High Lord her father spoke of. She knew, because in the Cauldron, she saw the shadow of Rhysand: a vast pit, as deep as the greatest of lakes, and as black as darkness itself, so dark that Nimue saw her own scarlet eyes reflected in it.

By the Mother, Nimue doubted if her own father, without the aid of the Cauldron, would be a match for that vast darkness that undulated within High Lord Rhysand.

The King raised his hand, and with a gesture, all those present in the throne room bowed respectfully and left the without a word.

Nimue turned, ready to leave, but the King pointed at her and shook his finger. With the same hand, he made a gesture, as if pulling on a leash.

A leash that Nimue had worn around her neck since she had been torn from the Cauldron, and whose end her father held, with an iron grip. It was invisible, but when she even thought about how happy it would make her to leave the confines of the Palace, to see the world, she felt its weight around her neck, as if the King was her executioner and the leash his axe.

"Yes, father?" Her tone, completely compliant, made a fleeting smile cross the King's face.

"You will fight for me in this war, won't you, my dear?" he asked, voice so poisonous she almost gagged. Nimue felt her blood boil, her rage consuming her. "You will fight for me and win for me. I will release you onto the battlefield and you will descend upon them like rain upon dry earth. You will sow the fields with their blood, because that's what I've made you for, my Radiant jewel."

The marks of her nails digging into her palms turned into wounds, and when her magic closed them, she clenched her fists again, reopening them.

"Yes, father. I will be your weapon."

She felt the leash loosen, and with a pleased smile on his face, her father gave her permission to leave.

When she was out of the King's sight, Nimue imagined the thousand ways she would slit that old, rotten man's throat.

Azriel let out a sigh, his own breath forming clouds in front of his face.

What was that pressure in his chest? Where was all that irrational rage coming from, burning his chest and taking his breath away?

His shadows swirled around his shoulders, buzzing and whispering to each other.

He did everything he could, searching in the depths of his being for the calm he needed at that moment.

Yes, rage, rage. We are furious.

Yes, that's it, furious.

Azriel clicked his tongue and shook his head, trying to rid himself of the incessant fluctuations of his shadows. He seemed like a horse shaking itself to get rid of the flies that tormented it so much.

"What's troubling you?" Cassian asked. A playful smile on his face while his gaze was fixed on some point in the city spread out before them. "It seems like your shadows are giving you a hard time."

"Never," Azriel replied without hesitation. He sighed again, rubbing his chest with one hand, right where that pressure seemed like it was about to pierce his body. "I feel like hitting something, someone. But it's not my desire, it feels strange."

Cassian burst into laughter as he leaned on the balcony rail. He closed his eyes for a moment, sinking into that brief moment of peace and enjoying the sunlight, before turning to look at his lifelong brother.

"I think we should call Madja. The spirit of Amren seems to have gotten into you and we'll have to get rid of it before you start giving us all dirty looks," he said, with a serious expression all of a sudden.

Azriel looked at him, raising an eyebrow and then sighing, ignoring the usual delusions of the Illyrian.

Both let the topic pass when they heard footsteps coming from inside the house. Cassian crossed the balcony threshold first, and while Azriel enjoyed a few last seconds of calm and sunshine before going back inside, he felt a pain in the palms of his hands. Stabbing, throbbing.

How strange, it had been a long time since the old scars on his hands had caused him sudden discomfort.

He would ask Madja for some ointment.

Because that's what it was, right?

As Cassian and Morrigan's voices echoed in the dining room, Azriel continued to prolong that moment of stability as much as he could. He felt like he was on the edge of a precipice, about to take a step forward without looking at what lay beyond. So as long as he could, he would enjoy those rays of sunshine, that scent of home, those views of the city they were rebuilding after Hybern's attack, hearing his friends laugh, and knowing that this was his place.

He went over the plan day and night since he and his family had conceived it: arrive, enter, break the Cauldron, and get out of there before the King even realized that they had snuck in.

It was perfect. There were variables, of course, but for the hundreds of unforeseen events Azriel had imagined, hundreds of solutions had been devised. It was perfect, and he trusted the plan.

But he felt so out of sorts...

Rage, it consumes us. It burns us.

Rage, rage.

It wasn't him, it wasn't his rage. He felt his own skin, his body, filled with emotions that weren't his. Like a container of some chemical mixture about to explode.

By the Mother, maybe he had eaten something strange at yesterday's dinner. Or perhaps it was the wine afterward, or maybe the countless drinks that followed at Rita's...

Because that's what it was, right?

[zalia]

Destiny Architecture

I went on a whole ramble about the architecture of the various factions in Destiny and thought I'd share it here. I'm not an architect, so my knowledge is basic when it comes to technical things, but hopefully it is interesting!

They did a fantastic job with the architecture of the different factions and what it says about them.

The Red Legion and Caiatl's Ascendency are all pragmatic, organised military designs - fortifications, the round buildings with windows on each side linked by trenches. Watchtowers. In the Arms Dealer strike, you have areas where there are loads of vehicles meticulously organised. They are prepared for the long haul, dug into the planets they land on, and they are proud of their machinery, both literal and metaphorica - it's all on display, the pistons and furnaces and engines. There are service shafts and hangars! It's all very practical (and makes the Glykon even more unnerving because the passages and service shafts don't make any practical sense in the way that they connect!).

Calus on the other hand... the Leviathan has the same base in terms of doors and the like, you can recognise some of the same basics - like the shapes of the doors etc. but the pragmatic things are hidden away - they're reminiscent of the servant quarters in old British stately homes - you need them for the place to function! But the people in charge don't want to see them. Calus wants to be surrounded by gold and riches and luxury and not think about the things and people that make it possible. It's always been something that I've thought of when it comes to his empire – he acts like all of it was a place of luxury and hedonism and art, but like the Roman Empire that inspired the culture, that luxury is truly only available to a few people, and is only possible because a much greater number of people are working to provide the materials and labour. We don't really hear or see much about the people the Empire conquered beyond the Psions, but were they living in such luxury? Probably not.

The Eliskni architecture all feels very cobbled together and makeshift - there are visible seams and bolts, spots where colours don't match. It's makeshift, which suits their history as a people who have been forced to flee and exist on scavenging for a long time. And there's always a lot of nautical theming going on too - rigging and nets and hoisted awnings like sails. They feel like places made by people who are expecting to need to pack up and leave at any minute. Everything tends to be rounded, which is particularly obvious when you see the Devils in Rise of Iron - everything is more angular because of SIVA and the Rasputin influence, even the shanks. I'd love it if we could get a look at the original Riis architecture.

The Hive are very gothic architecture with a dash of Gaudi (take a look at the Sagrada Família for what I'm thinking). High chambered ceilings, flying buttresses, all the carved figures and motifs - except when you get closer you realise that it's also uncomfortably organic. And it's also decaying – once you get inside the dreadnaught especially you find it full of piles of festering debris, wormspore growing from the corpses of thralls. There are spaces where anything could jump out at you. It's like a civilisation mocking the grand architecture of other species by warping it into something rotten (and also very gothic literature as well - the grand imposing gothic mansion with the dark secret and unpleasant history). The names of the locations in the Dreadnaught often tie-in with the architecture since a lot of them are religious: the portico, basillica, the crypts, the Cathedral of Dusk. They are a species worshipping Oryx, the very real and tangible god.

The Moon under Crota has a similar style, but where the Dradnaught is organic, the areas under the surface of the moon (outside the Red Keep) are more technological - there are still the flying buttresses and supports, the spikes and and pillars around the Hellmouth, but they're blockier, less rounded, stone and metal rather than chitin.

Savathun's Throne World has similar architecture, and returns to the organic feel of the Dradnaught, but in blinding white and red rather than browns. It's similar to the Leviathan in a way – the public areas are much cleaner feeling, regal and filled with Light, but when you dig down you can find the same rot and debris as the Dreadnaught (thinking especially of the 2nd mission of the Witch Queen campaign). Where the Dreadnaught was a mockery of other species, the Throne World feels like it's trying to copy them – this is what Savathun thinks the Light is, look she's changed, really! But in the end, it's more like a coat of paint slapped over a wall with a bad mold problem. The names also switch from kind of Catholic, to more magical and alchemical - Apothacary, altars, temples etc.

The Awoken are really doing the whole fantasy elf thing in a lot of ways, but more with stone than woodland than in Tolkien when we see the Dreaming City. Everything fits in seamlessly with the landscape (which makes sense since it was essentially created with wish magic to be exactly what Mara wanted!). The buildings follow the lines of mountains, pathways carved into crystal caves, the bridge which has supports like the branches of trees like they've grown up from the ground. And there's nature everywhere! But it's not a natural environment. Even when it seems like you're in nature, it's very cultivated - like the garden of a stately home which wants 'wilderness' so has landscaped it. It's also deceptive in the way you go from the 'wilderness' to these very high fantasy buildings, and then as you walk you see these technological marvels like the Oracle Engine, just integrated into it. The Dreaming City is very much portraying an image and is a very finely tuned machine in itself. I kind of wonder what the other Awoken settlements beyond the Dreaming City and the Vestian outpost look like.

Clovis Bray facilities are very minimalist and very obviously designed to make you think 'lab' and 'high technology'. He really wants you to see his stuff and have you think 'this is the future' in a way that draws 70s sci-fi ideas of the future - the way all the sharp edges are rounded off, the bright blocks of colour, the way all of the technology is very conspicuously on display, the massive windows that make all the conveyors and machinery visible. He wants to show off his stuff, and also make everyone who works there know that they're being watched. There's also the huge open spaces and massive drops like Eternity and Creation, which are utterly impractical but also feel infinite and are designed to make you go wow.

You see similar architecture on Neomuna (since Clovis was involved with the colonisation efforts) but on a much more human scale. They have a lot of the same components – the pillars and display screens, the curved bases of the walls – but they're softened with plants and murals, places to sit and socialise. It's not a lab, it's a city where people live. And also it's Neptune, they are a long way from the sun, so everything is bright and vibrant to make up for that. I think you can also see a lot of influence from the Ishtar Collective locations on Venus in Neomuna - they also tend to have a lot of display screens and neon and lots of spots for plants to grow. And then you get outside of the City and see the Veil Containment bunker and see the concrete and metal pragmatism that underpins the city.

The Iron Temple/Vostok is a place that is trying very hard to be a medieval castle with all of the statues and bonfires and the whole aesthetic of the Iron Lords. The statues of the Iron Lords all bear axes and swords. But when you look at it, you can see the very Soviet brutalist foundation of the place. So much of it is blocky concrete - the walls are squared off and unornamented, the observatory is concrete and metal. Every time I go in to where Tyra stands, I'm surprised that the pillar she's standing by is not round, because it's very easy to buy into the illusion they're projecting. There's also the concrete pillar that serves as vault and lights up when you approach - it has the technology, but like the Dreaming City, it's integrated into the landscape. Unlike the dreaming City, they really don't want to show you it.

Raputin's bunkers are just fantastic design in so many ways. They have a very clear shape (you can see the shape of a door and know immediately that this is something Warmind related), everything tends to be at right-angles. It's all very pragmatic and logically laid out. There is definitely technology there, and it's not really trying to hide, but it isn't showing off like Clovis does. Where Clovis is 70's aspirational sci-fi design, Rasputin architecture has a very Cold War vibe to it - none of the technology is flashy - it's chunky terminals running the most basic looking command line UI. It's thick cables and pipes and probably a million redundancies. The kind of tech which is designed to be found in a few centuries and still be reasonably functional. Also unhackable unless you are physically present. Rasputin is an AI so advanced that he can out-think the Vex, but his facilities are built to have the resilience of a Nokia 3310 phone, and are inspired by bunkers designed to survive nuclear war.

(I also think it's not accidental that the Warsats are made up of many angular shapes, especially triangles, trying to be a sphere, considering the whole motif of the pyramids vs the Traveller)

Pyramid Architecture is really really trying to pull off the sword logic 'pared down to remove anything extraneous' and present the idea of a universe united as one in its final shape... and is failing miserably at that. At first glance it's all straight clean lines, black stone, leaning towards brutalist, but they just can't keep it up – they're full of pillars serving no purpose, statues, coloured stone insets. Rhulk's pyramid is full of artwork painted onto the walls. There's so much symbolism built into them. They're incredibly ornate! Because as much as the Witness wants everyone to believe that it is one united force with one specific goal, it kind of isn't. It's made up of many many individuals. Even if those individuals that made it up all agreed on the final shape, it's nearly impossible to get one person to have a 100% consistent view of the universe, let alone hundreds! And especially in the Witness' pyramid ship in Root of Nightmares, you get the impression it's something of a mausoleum for its species and the other species its destroyed. There's lots of coffin-shaped and sized objects in there, and relics hidden away. It isn't as clean and focused as it would like the universe to think.

[rei-ismyname]

X-Men #6 FROM THE ASHES

Last issue is starting to make a lot more sense - I think Jed McKay might have strong feelings about the Morrison era. Spoilers, obviously.

Hi Xorn! Hi Magneto! Good to have you join us. It's nice to see Magneto is progressive, polite and welcoming. It's still an ideological regression from where he was at in X-Men Red/RoM/Uncanny X-Men #700, but I guess he's mostly scenery in this comic sadly. As a fellow disabled burden on society I empathize with him, but I'd like to see him still be a character of focus. Otherwise, why put him in the book? It's a shame his moment makes Xorn look like a fool - is that really his first question? Dude is a fucking monk and these people are right there.

He's wearing his Morrison/Quitely uniform too, which is not a great comparison to be drawing imo. He was last seen hanging out with his brother and Legion in Way of X, but I suppose this is as good a place as any for him to be now. Hopefully we see more of him.

Look how much Quentin has grown since Riot at Xavier's. Or maybe he's depressed. Either way he's definitely looking sharp. Idie notices one of the protesters throwing up the M.

People want Beast to solve their problems but he doesn't have the same experience and knowledge as old Beast, not that X-FORCE Beast did any of that. It's a character beat, but one we've seen before. Maybe he'll learn magic again! Magik is still very defeatist it seems, and perhaps her determination is waning. Can't say I blame her.

Quiche is dope but jokes about it aren't. Not this millennium. The Glob/Quentin dynamic is another Morrison callback. Don't worry, there's plenty more this issue 🙄. One pitfall with light-hearted quippy nostalgia is it undermines serious events happening next to it and gives mood whiplash. Somehow Idie knows Ilyana is communicating secretly with her brother. It doesn't come up again. Based on how McKay has been seeding beats we'll find out in issue #10.

Okay, so we know Magik is smart and now Idie does too. It'd be nice if more of this team started acting like friends - maybe this is the start of something beautiful. I can't say I buy Magik undermining Cyclops on a whim but she lays out the dilemma then puts Idie in charge.

They walk into the trap by putting Cobb Sr to sleep. Idie's secret is pretty cute and an effective 'cost of magic' shorthand. I am wary that it refers to nostalgia about a time that was already hyper nostalgia, but I'm getting used to it. We get to see the Cobb family dynamic, utterly predictable.

I enjoy everything on this page.

- Cyclops and Psylocke sparring

- Expanding on Hank and Mags' budding relationship with reference to their history.

- Building on Beast's fear of becoming a monster again.

- Magneto being emotionally supportive.

No new information here, though I love a jab at Fabian Cortez. This is more of a reference than anything else, though it's good to see some self awareness from Max. Although, Cortez showed a lot of growth on Krakoa.

This is a nice moment too. This version of Hank was a massive horn dog. Not saying that's where it's going but he's gregarious and it does make sense to have him be welcoming to another non-passing mutant. Glob too, though he comes off as massive dork. We still don't know much about Jen or Ben which makes it hard to get invested. If they do stick around they'd be inflating a cast that's already being covered unevenly.

Okay, Piper is here and Scott isn't pleased. Idie would have a point but it would have taken 2 minutes to talk about it. Yeah she asked for help and came willingly but as Scott says she's a minor. Her home life looks miserable and tracks closely enough to many queer experiences, but society unfortunately says children are property. It sucks, but she needs support. Nobody wins when her mother calls the cops. Is this about Piper or Idie here? I would love to see Idie being the moral core of the team but this just makes her look naive and impulsive - which is at odds with her 15+ years of characterisation. She was in jail last year!

Piper reveals that the 'Wild Sentinel' was after her and the Iron Night was her 'fault.' It's left on a cliffhanger but let's hope this doesn't torch the X-Men's relationship with Merle, Alaska.

The Morrison thing - Psychic rescue, Quentin and Glob, scientists making mutants, Cassandra Nova, Xorn is still in his uniform from the time, wild sentinel mention (which is super bizarre and out of place.) It's a lot and I'm probably missing stuff. My question is who this is for? New readers will just be confused. Morrison super fans are more likely to roll their eyes, judging by responses to last issue.

Overall this issue was pretty good. It progressed the plot, gave us time with the 3 characters who'd been ghosts, introduced new information and setup conflict with the town for next issue. I really wish the creative team would get their batting average a little higher in terms of solid issues. 33.3% is low enough in the abstract to make me drop the book - and this is one of the better ones. I know we can do better than this and it disappoints me how aggressively mid the X-books are right now.

I'm starting to recognise the formula they're working off, with information dribbling out at a snail's pace to the point that any issue becomes skippable then ending on a cliffhanger that's rarely paid off quickly. Uncanny has the same issue, which makes me think it's an editorial problem. Hell, solicits usually give more information than issues do. I'm not talking about tropes, I'm talking about the narrative tricks that allow them to publish issues that move at a glacial pace and use nostalgia to disguise the characters not being developed. One can hope :)

[deadbydangit]

Hello! I hope this isn't too odd-

Could you do headcanon's for Michael, Danny and Joey, where his survivor S/O just randomly tells him about their very thought out and meticulous murder plan. They've clearly put a lot of thought into how to get away with it while framing someone else. It takes them like five minutes to go through the plan step by step

And then they end it off with a "not that I ever would, obviously, but yk just something to think about. Btw if you murder me and dispose of my body like that, don't fuck it up... Not that you would <3"

Whether they mean he'd never kill them, or that he wouldn't fuck it up, hell never know

I believe I can do that. I'm going to simplify it just a bit so I have more to write. I hope this is okay. Please enjoy

With a Reader Who Comes Up With a Murder Plan

Ghostface, Shape, Legion (Joey)

Ghostface

"Marry me!"

Came out, almost as soon as you finish talking.

And he says it so fast it's incomprehensible.

"What? No, I didn't say anything."

"I-I just coughed."

No, we know you didn't Danny.

Don't press it.

He's thanking the Entity and whatever God is out there he's wearing a mask.

Because this boy is blushing.

Like, his whole face is red.

Deep red.

When you're no longer an earshot he's going to squeal.

Like a lovestruck little girl.

Because, at that moment, he is lovestruck.

Murder and you.

His two favorite things in the world.

Together.

He just can't believe it.

At all!

If the plan was just you speaking hypothetically, make sure to tell him that.

Because he's too excited to know the difference.

If you're serious about this...

Well, expect all the supplies at your bedroom door in a nice little box.

Topped with a poorly tied bow!

And if you plan to go through with it, he's right there beside you, supporting you from the sidelines.

If you want him to step back, no problem. Just say something.

"But, babe, please let me watch. Please! I need to watch this!"

He's just so proud of you.

He might even propose to you after.

Shape

He's pretty fascinated.

After you're done talking, he'll pause for a long while deep in thought.

Then he'll take out a sheet of paper, urging you to write your plan down on it.

Micheal may seem to do his killings at random, but he's actually very meticulous about things.

Each murder is carefully calculated for the max results in the shortest amount of time.

To him, murder is an art.

He'll critique and pick your plan apart.

He's not doing this to be rude, he's actually being very supportive.

He wants your first murder to go perfectly.

He'll show you the ropes, guiding you through each step and practicing each one.

Best techniques for stabbing, best techniques for strangling, what to do when they run.

He's got all the bases covered.

And he's going to make sure you do as well.

He considers himself pretty good at his art, and what kind of boyfriend would he be if he didn't teach you everything he knew?

Now, if you aren't serious about this, you're going to have to mention that.

Because to him, killing is a casual thing.

You know, you eat, you sleep, you kill.

Killing is as natural as breathing to him.

If you are serious, he's going to make sure nothing goes wrong.

If you don't want him around, don't sweat it.

Oh, he'll still be there.

But you won't see him, at all.

For someone as tall and big as he is, he's excellent at stealth.

He's prepared you so well that everything seems to go perfectly.

Of course, he did patch up a few of your mistakes here and there.

He just made sure you didn't notice.

He wants you to be as proud of yourself as he is of you.

Legion (Joey)

He feels really conflicted about this.

On one hand, murder is not that fun.

He didn't come into the realm because he wanted to.

He kind of got screwed over.

Yes, he knows he participated in the killing.

But that doesn't mean he enjoys what he does.

On the other hand, you describing in all that detail what you'd do?

Kind of hot.

He'll try not to say that out loud.

But he's impulsive and he might accidentally do so.

Don't judge him.

He'll suggest other things to channel your energy into.

Anything but killing.

Hell, he'll even let you spray paint the chateau walls.

And he'll take the blame for it!

Anything but killing.

If you're dead set on it, Joey will be there the whole time to keep you safe.

He's probably not going to help though.

He kills enough on a daily basis.

And he's just rather not.

But he won't let any harm come to you.

If anything, he'll be begging you to stop.

That you don't have to go down this path.

"Babe, if you're doing this to impress me, you don't have to."

"I love you for who you are, and I don't want to see you ruined by what messed me up."

[caliburn-the-sword]

how come ONLY mal's parentage was ever important enough to have BOTH her parents name dropped in the movies, and not only that, both MAJOR antagonists and not just sidekicks or goons?? cause like. i get that carlos and jay aren't that much of main characters as the girlies, but c'mon after mal and ben, evie was more or less THE main characters. like. when mal was getting all angsty over her dad i whole heartedly believe that evie would've been "hey i get it. yk my dad ________ was also super absent in my life. i understand you <3"

anyway here are my theories on the unknown blank parents of some of the VK's, in order of how much i believe it to be true. shoutout to @piraterefrigerator who heard me out on this and let me bounce ideas off him to try as i tried to figure out who was whose parents

evie

now, we all know that the evil queen is the gold digger of all gold diggers. now, i believe that unlike most other villains and their henchmen, the second that snow white became queen, all of the evil queen's staff would've started serving snow white, snow white is beloved, and none of the evil queen's staff actually had anything to do with her vendetta against snow white OTHER than the huntsman, who i actually don't believe is on the isle since he was good and maybe?? died?? i can't remember

while the evil queen has a killer reputation like the rest of the parents of the core4, since she has no loyal army, no threat of magic to hold over peoples' heads once they all escape the island (i believe she was a potionsmaster/alchemist rather than someone with innate magic like maleficent or jafar), and we don't really know HOW those core 4 ever actually came to power, but we do know she came to power last out of those 4 on the isle since the maleficent exiled her for 10 years

... the place that i'm going with this, is that the evil queen MAY have seduced jafar to be able to share in his power on the isle. but to prove this, i'm going to have to dive into jafar as an individual

the only 'romantic' subplots we ever see jafar in are when he's pursuing jasmine. jafar may have soley wanted to marry jasmine for legal purposes (becoming sultan) and the pedo implications were a complete accident on disney's part. and since he has no claim to that throne through jasmine anymore once he was defeated

his plan getting with the evil queen COULD have been to take back her kingdom and become the king of that kingdom once they escaped the isle, especially because we NEVER actually see jafar complain about aladdin or jasmine, whereas maleficent wants to take over auradon, the evil queen gets pissy over snow white, and cruella harps on about the dogs. not only that, the evil queen is also the ONLY formerly royal woman on the isle that we're aware of in canon

i think. jafar would have ditched eq the second that maleficent banished her because he's more afraid of maleficent than he would have feelings for the evil queen, and he took jay since he wasn't in the immediate blast range (jay isn't eq's son) which is how that all worked

i also think that evie might be one of the only girls that jay doesn't flirt with??? i could be wrong. since i haven't read the first book in a few years

but like. evie is quite racially ambiguous, so while i don't think that makes or breaks this theory, i do think it supports it

a crackpot theory for another candidate of the evil queen's baby daddy is

but that's a furry, and evie has no furry qualities

dizzy

lady tremaine and her daughters are, you guessed it, also gold diggers, and i think that they, like all villains on the isle, would have clawed onto whatever power they could, especially given that they had none of their own legions, magic outside the isle, any reputation that they could stake their lives on (in the grand scheme of things, making a girl clean the house isn't all that grand compared to people that tried to conquer kingdoms)

now. we never see the tremaines in descendants so i'm inclined to believe that they look exactly as in the animated/live action cinderella movies, aka european descent, but dizzy herself is portrayed by a wasian actress

while the descendants casting was more or less raceblind for the vk's, i'm still inclined to believe that dizzy is actually the daughter of shan yu, which effectively would grant that evil stepsister a bit of a leg to stand on in the isle

carlos

now, carlos has NO magic, and is also noticeably paler than his mother. which means his father could be any white disney antagonist, which is *check notes* a lot of them. cruella is a nepo baby, so i don't think she would've been a gold digger like others on this list. especially because, as "the bitch that wanted 101 puppies dead for her fur coat" i don't think she needed anything for her reputation as the scary crazy bitch that wants 101 puppies for her fur coat

... narrowing down her baby daddy's identity to "possibly white" and "not magic" does not narrow it down by much since i don't have any other personal taste i could attribute to her, other than perhaps hunters

the candidates are, in most to least likely, are:

because i think only a catnapper would get behind cruella's batshit dognapping plan

however, there is also this guy:

cause i think she would appreciate his hunting of an exotic animal

this guy, because i think she would like the idea of a fox fur coat

this guy, because he does animal abuse and cruella would get behind that

or, my most crackpot theory yet:

"but cal, that's a wolf!! and cruella fucking hates dogs!!"

i could argue that cruella wanted to skin that guy for a coat and was gonna get him while he was a asleep, failed, and then raised carlos to believe all dogs are bad because fuck that guy in particular. also, carlos DOES run fast enough for the sport team as like. their canonically fastest player, despite him being a little computer nerd. that boy has never run in his LIFE. so like. you could attribute having a wolf father to him being a fastboi

harry hook

as for harry, i honestly think his mother is a milf. because those good looks had to come from SOMEWHERE

also, if we're following punnet squares, harry has light coloured eyes and hook has brown eyes, so one of hook's parents probably had blue eyes, and i imagine either hook's mother or his grandparents on that side of the family would have to have blue eyes. for simplicity's sake, i'm gonna assume that it was his mother so that i can narrow it down

harry ALSO doesn't have magic, so i'm running with the assumption that his mother has blue eyes, maybe dark hair (unimportant), and no magic, and is presumably white. one woman that fits the bill is mother gothel

jay

i will be referring to this post quite a bit

i need to start this by saying, there is a popular theory that jafar swapped out his actual child for aladdin's son, and jay is actually the son of aladdin and jasmine. i think that this is a stupid ass theory, because the barrier had already been up on the isle for 4 years at that point, and if jafar had managed to SOMEHOW get off the isle, travel all the way to agrabah, swap out their similarly aged children, do you not think he would have just STAYED off the isle instead of returning with his new son to stock the store??? he wouldn't need to stock the store if he WASN'T ON THE ISLE is all i will say. also, you don't just genetically inherit your parents' ability to steal, it is a learnt skill. jafar learnt how to do it, and then taught jay, plain and simple

however, unless jay is more than 9 months older than evie but less than 12 months older than her, then his mother would be some other woman, especially because the two were raised completely separately. i DON'T think that the evil queen is jay's mother, but i still think jafar would've gone as close to royal as possible since we know he values economic status

there aren't many female villains, so the main candidates for this would've been yzma (kuzco's royal adviser, very close to successful to stealing his throne), or the other tremaine evil stepsister??? since that was a reasonably wealthy family considering their inheritance

as for yzma, i don't think she has any inate magic of her own, just alchemy, which accounts for jay not inheriting any magic like mal. yzma is also, i assume, an albino latina, but whether jay has a european mother or a brown mother i don't actually think that matters too much since he's fairly ambiguous

sidenote, i always knew that booboo stewart was indigenous but i didn't know he was also asian omg

now for the son of jafar, obviously they couldn't be raceblind when casting him and had to find someone not white for the role. and hollywood treats brown people as quite interchangeably and just casts whoever as whoever (see the oscar isaac joke that in the 'a priest, rabbi, and imam walk into a bar' joke, he can play all three), but i'm using this as my proof anyway that jay is (possibly) a son of yzma

uma

uma is unfortunately at the bottom of this list, because i actually have no idea who her father would be. like sure, it would be easy to just go and say "well the only other Black villain on the isle is facilier so it must be him" but he is SO present in celia's life and has such a good relationship with her that i refuse to believe that he would in the same beat be completely absent in uma's life. unless there are other disney villains that got racechanged in the descendants universe that we're unaware of, i actually have no idea who uma's father would be, ESPECIALLY because the only comment ursula ever makes on men is in poor unfortunate souls, but that was more her gaslighting ariel than her actual proper view on men and romance. the only thing i can say is that since ursula is in squid form on the isle naturally despite the magic ban, but uma is naturally in human form, i definitely think that uma has a human father rather than a father from an undersea kingdom. if any uma stans want to weigh in here, please go for it because i'd love to hear who you think is uma's father

[nuria-schnee]

Hi! ❤️ For this week's sneak peek, have the boys having A Moment™

Most of the time, Edwin was aware of Charles’ presence around him, even if he wasn’t looking at him. It surprised both of them when Charles touched his shoulder and startled Edwin.

“Edwin?” Charles muttered, pulling his hand away and sitting on the edge of the desk, facing him with kind, bright eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Edwin answered, readjusting his posture and straightening his back. “I only wished to note down tonight’s indecent before I forget any details.”

“I don’t think that’s possible, mate,” Charles smiled at him.

Edwin sighed, wishing that was actually true.

“Could start filing some of these,” Charles added and reached for the first report over one stack of cases. “If you want.”

“No. Not yet,” Edwin sighed, opening his notebook and picking up his pen. “It is alright, Charles. It has been quite a night. You may rest, if you wish.”

“What about you? When will you take a break?”

“I have not had to fight a poltergeist and escape a legion of rabid bumblebees,” Edwin noted, remarking the last part. Then he dropped his gaze to the pages before him and began taking notes.

“Yeah, but,” Charles grimaced a bit. “You’ve been overloading yourself since this started. You should take a break too.”

“Considering the current situation, I do not think that is the wisest decision.”

Keep reading under the cut!

“But it might help? You know, to see things from a new perspective and all that?”

“If you wish to rest, I am not against it. You do not need to feel obligated to do anything else,” Edwin said absentmindedly.

“That’s not what I meant,” Charles muttered, keeping his voice cheerful, but tinged with sadness. “I just— I think you really should stop for a bit after you’ve finished with this, yeah? We could do something fun. Or just laze about. Play Cluedo, maybe.”

Edwin stopped scribbling, raising his eyes to Charles. He was starting at him with a plea written in his expression, shining with hope. When their gazes locked, his smile turned softer.

“Come on, mate,” Charles tilted his head to the side, his earring dangling enticingly. “It’s been weeks since we’ve done anything but work. Things are calmer now and we should make the most of it, just in case. Catch our breath. Get our energies back, yeah?”

For a few seconds, Edwin just stared at his friend, hopeful and bright in the warm light of the office. Admiring the way he was breathing evenly, deeply, his body tense with expectation, with quiet hope. Edwin had trouble remembering why he was so adamant about depriving himself of a bit of time together. The resolve to keep working until he solved the case, until he cracked the greater mystery, was slipping away with every second he kept his eyes fixed on Charles’. An incessant thought that this was precisely the reason he was doing it, to have more quiet moments with him, simmered in his mind. However, Charles had him transfixed with the way he was pleading at him with such fondness, with a need for company he wasn’t sure he could refuse.

Edwin felt he had to be running out of luck by now. He just had to. Even if his life and death had been plagued by suffering, the fact that he was there, accompanied by that beautiful, diligent creature, couldn’t be anything but a causality born out of pure luck. He had escaped Hell and met him. After only a few hours of knowing each other, Charles had decided to stay with him, and chose to again and again, for forty years. They could have lost each other a lot of times and hadn’t. Edwin confessed his love, and Charles still stayed, comprehensive and supportive until the point Edwin found himself struggling to believe he was real at all, all over again. Every time he could have lost Charles, he hadn’t. More often than not, Edwin was shaken by the fear that the next time would be the definitive, the time he truly lost him. Whatever he could do to avoid that, he would. He had to keep working. He had to keep the agency productive and remain useful himself. He had to solve this case, once and for all.

But Charles wanted time with him. It shouldn’t be as baffling for Edwin as it turned out to be. They’d only had each other for decades and Charles still enjoyed his company, looked happier when they spent time doing things together outside cases. To be honest, Edwin hadn’t realised how long they had gone without a break. He’d been too absorbed in the case to notice. Charles’ expression was making him realise how much he too yearned for it. For a peaceful night, spent with Charles on the couch, looking at him, hearing him laugh—

When they got back from Port Townsend, there had been a part of him still scared of how his confession might have changed things between them. Crystal had been mostly doing her own thing those first weeks, and that had left them alone for long stretches of time again. The relief he felt when he realised they seemed to have grown even closer after those experiences was unmeasurable.

Charles’ absolute easiness about his feelings escaped him still, in some ways. Edwin suspected it had more to do with some of his unearthed shame, still encysted in the core of him, than with Charles. Edwin hadn’t felt anything but loved by him, even if his heart yearned for more. That was enough.

If his inability to get rid of those feelings would cause problems in the future, he wasn’t quite sure. He wasn’t inclined to examine that at the moment. Not that he had the time either.

“Alright,” Edwin conceded in the end.

“Yes!” Charles lighted up like a thousand suns, his smile blinding, and he pushed himself away from the table, ready to jump into whatever activity Edwin proposed.

Edwin couldn’t help the smile curving his mouth. “Once I am finished with this,” Edwin added, swallowing down the laughter in his tone. “It will be only a few minutes.”

“Brills,” Charles said, cheerful.

[lemon-russ]

Saw an anon send an ask to @moodymisty and I was overcome with a need to make this.

(Part 1 of) Rating how good of a father each primarch would be:

Lion- 6/10

You'd think it'd be lower but like a Lion he's actually good with playing with them even though he feigns disinterest. He's the kind of dad to bring them out in the woods without saying a word, hand them a bolter and point at an animal to teach them to shoot and hunt. He acts like they are annoying him but always has reasons he wants to go teach them something. When they're babies he does the thing where he pretends they've gravely wounded him when they run at him, flopping over on the floor and going "oh ow ouch you got me."

Not emotionally available, though. And very little patience for their bullshit when they are older. But always protective from afar and always will fight anyone who disrespects them. His kids love him but are constantly like "Sorry about my Dad I don't know why he's like this" Kind of embarrassed by him, but they know he loves them in his own way.

Fulgrim- 4/10

They're never going to live up to his expectations. He tries to be supportive and encouraging, but he can't shake the want for them to be better. They are a chronic overachiever, and he tells them yes, that's wonderful, but maybe if you tried just a little harder, you'd have done even better? He isn't trying to be cruel, but he can't help himself. He loves his kid, but they live with the pressure of never being good enough. He tries to help by enrolling them in way too many extracurriculars.

His kids love him but feel like they are failing him and want to be better. They want to make him proud. He never belittles them or says anything against them, but they want him to be really actually proud of them.

Perturabo- 1/10

Have you ever seen how narcissist parents are? His kids aren't good enough. Unlike Fulgrim, he doesn't pretend they are for their sake. He compares them constantly to their cousins, Dorn's kids. Why aren't they better than their cousins? They are, of course, he will tell anyone. Of course, his kids are the best. But in private, he resents them for being another chip against his reputation. They are supposed to be like him, and he is perfect. By being imperfect, they are insulting him. Why is everything he makes imperfect? Also, bad temper, obviously.

His kids hate him or are terrified of him, and constantly under pressure to do better. Excel in everything but never think they are good at anything.

Khan- 2/10

Absentee father of hundreds. Doesn't hate his kids, just prefers his freedom. Occasionally will find one, bring them on bike ride to give them a talk about life, then they don't see him again. Not mean, just not there.

His kids opinion of him ranges from "who?" To "I met him once, he was fine I guess." Their mothers are taken care of at least.

Leman Russ- 8/10 (yes I'm biased idc)

Loves being a Dad, loves his kids, loves his wife. Loves making kids. The whole Legion takes care of the kids and helps raise them. Only things that go wrong is Leman isn't super emotionally sensitive, and can be a little harsh on his kids when they're older. But otherwise loves hanging out with them, often steals them away to bring them with him while he works. Baby strapped to his chest and toddler in his sholders while he's making war plans. Showing his older kids what he's doing while he's planning out attacks. Taking the whole kaboodle out for a day to play in the forests with his fenrisian wolves.

Genuinely believes they are the best and can do no wrong, will fight anyone who suggests they aren't great. Privately will correct them if they really mess up, but has a blind spot for them, so they can be a little spoiled. Plus there's like 12 of them if he has his way so some don't get all the attention they need.

His kids adore him and are happy as clams, if not a little spoiled and have a bit of attitude.

(Will do part 2 later)

[threepandas]

Since you don't mind, I'll explain the idea, isekai guy! the reader in one of the goals (hits from the moment of birth), a hothouse guy - a knight from a not very noble family, perhaps in one of the bad endings he dies, protecting the main character with his body ... romantic, right? but the MC does not think so, he is the only heir of the family, he needs to think about himself, and about his mother, and about his sisters (of which there are many, because his father had many concubines). If he dies, then they will all be in danger, because of this the MC decided not to pay attention to the saint - a commoner (MC of the game), and in order to look at girls at all, first you need to successfully marry off your beloved sisters, preferably to worthy men, and for this you need money. He loves all his sisters, his mother is the temporary head of the family (until the end of his studies) with the help of her son accepted the illegitimate children of her husband and is calmly waiting for the time when she can give control to her son (she is confident in him). Platonic! Yandere - this story is his mother, his sisters and his older sisters' husbands (his close friends), some of his sisters he bought out of brothels (it's clear where his father went) and helped them enter society, others he simply supported (girls in the Middle Ages, and they already have life and sugar, and they are also illegitimate children), and was the light. His brothers-in-law (his sisters' husbands) also care about him, since he helped many of them in difficult times in life and brought them together with their beloved spouses, but they are more in the background somewhere. And then the sisters find out about a coquette who seduced a prince, a duke and a magician (or rather, just started doing it), and suddenly began making eyes at their brother. They will not tolerate such a girl near their brother. How they will get rid of her, I will leave to your choice ...

Thank you for your attention. Have a nice day / night / evening

Ooooh this is a VERY good idea! Not sure I could do it justice with my lvl of skill to be honest? Cause it would take at least a few chapters to unfold.

Reader is def a Pillar of Strength. The "I'm going to try and do the right thing, because no one ELSE fucking will" sort? Who is pissed and heart sick at the treatment of his half sisters? Probably wants to bring his father back to life just to murder him himself.

Heck, he even has the concubines to worry about, assuming they were decent ladies. Those are his sister's MOMS. This is less a family and more a small LEGION. Noble blood or not, the house can only afford so much. ESPECIALLY after his father's fucking spending spree!

All HE really has is his body. His strength.

He can be a KNIGHT.

Try desperately to navigate the politics of having so many sister to marry off. Because? It's DEFINITELY making certain factions nervous? Marriages are ALLIANCES. They bind houses together!

Why are you trying to unit so many houses under your command, huh, boy? Up to something? Getting IDEAS???

No! No he is NOT! That and the constant background checks on the suitors. Education for the youngest. Education for HIMSELF. Because maybe if he marries some of his sister's abroad? There was a nice lord several nations over! But, shit, I don't speak that language! Guess I have to learn! Teach HER that language and the culture! Aaaaaaaah!

He?? Doesn't have TIME for romance! Are you KIDDING him?!

This is all ON TOP of managing the MESS of neglect his Family's lands have become! There are land disputes and bandits! Bridge inspections! Tax audits! YOU guys may be able to frolic around with the saintess, but HE is a Border Lord! His lands are both vital to the security of the county AND under his IMMEDIATE command!

Cannon Him was a negligent DUMBASS!

And? Obviously, he wouldn't be impressed by bloodline or wealth. Not for marriage prospects. He's not gonna SELL a family member just to make HIS life easier! Fuck that! We tighten the belt, sell a few ugly paintings, and ignore the sneers. We'll get through this. NO ONE is getting married to an abusive peice of shit on his watch.

So?

Second sons. Bastards. Those of poor birth but Great Ambition. Men who are BRILLIANT and SKILLED and ADORE their beautiful, magnificent, "how the FUCK did I get this lucky, every day is a dream" wives. Who turn around, WITH their beloved wife, and...

Want to Take Care of their poor, poor beleaguered Brother~♡.

The man who gave them THE WORLD. Who SUFFERS under the weight of it. Struggles and fights, exhausted, against an endless sea of FILTH trying to tear his family apart. Destroy him. When was the last time HE rested? Was taken care off? Relaxed? He tries so, so hard to protect THEM. They just... just want to be there for HIM, you know?

Be HIS support.

Have him turn around, relieved, smiling and say "oh thank goodness it's YOU! I can rest easy now, knowing YOU are here. I Needed You Here, You've Got This, I Trust You."

But then? THEN??? As his BELOVED family is gathering around? Preparing to... subtly... GENTLY, mind you! Maneuver him back towards home and out of all this STRESSFUL politics and gold gathering and general drudgery? That frilly little "Saintess", who does NOT seem terribly Holy if you ask them, sets her covetous eyes on THEIR dearest Brother/Brother-in-law/Son!

Don't Saints have TEMPLE Duties? Hmmmm? Unlike THEIR Brother, seems SOMEONE here has NEGLECTED their Duty! Holy my ASS. Have you even stepped FOOT in the Temple in the last DECADE? When did you last PRAY? Perform sacred rights? Cleansing rituals?

Besides! WE don't even FOLLOW those Gods! Yeah, didn't stop to ASK about that, DID YA?! No, you presumptuous *Censored!*! This country may have a STATE religion, but it doesn't enforce it upon others! Because it goes AGAINST said religion! We follow a local God from a different pantheon! *shouted theological rant by Sister number 6, the religious scholarly one.*

It'd be hilarious. One man's journey to take care of his family. That spirals WILDLY out of control with an endless serious of "oh... just one more thing..." and trying to find a SINGLE FUCKING DECENT MAN in the whole shit show of a country for his sister's to marry?

Only to accidentally?

Stumble upon "yandere" as the winning formula, not knowing it. They don't drink. Don't gamble. Would NEVER lay a hand on their beloved spouse. Are romantics and respectful, ambitious and want to make a good life for their family's. Extremely Loyal. Did he mention ADORE their spouses? Not JUST for their youthful beauty? No, no, for THEM. These guys will love them FOREVER.

It's perfect! *each red flag makes a whooshing noise as it sails merrily riiiight over his head* hmm? You hear something?

Unfortunately? Or fortunately, depending on the angle? They are IN to that! Freak to freak behavior! Yandere on Yandere marriages. WHOLE fuckin bloodline is probably cursed now. Rip everyone in THAT region. Cause that's a timebomb waiting to go off horrificly.

But not yet!

Right now? It's just interesting~☆