#I really shouldn't be but I'm starting to feel my body just refuses to die

[child-of-leviathan]

Tomorrow im heading home back into the arms of my love and finally can smoke a joint again and get some better sleep and hopefully less nightmares

[waterkittywriting]

Oohmygofd pleaaase plsplspls write bulimic reader... As some1 who's bulimic i will die if u do (positively)

BSD Men with a bulimic!reader

Warnings: Bulimia, not proofread, vomit type purging, very self inserted and based off my experiences, bad body image, reader is not underweight, hurt/comfort, a couple usages of (name) in akutagawa's bc I just can't see this man using pet names

Characters: Akutagawa, Chuuya

A/N: I'm sooo glad I'm not the only one who wanted this.. I was really hesitant to write it bc my blog is entirely smut and that usually does better than hurt/comfort, angst, or fluff, but if I'm not the only person who wants it I'm deffy gonna write it!! I don't really like Akutagawas I definitely didn't do him justice but I loveeeee chuuya's

Akutagawa

- Probably will not notice until you tell him.. just thinks you're sick or something when he hears coughing noises from the bathroom.

- From then on he's really concerned, he'll probably do a lot of research on it (w/o you knowing ofc)

- Will try and get you into treatment, even just IOP, but if you refuse HE is going to monitor everything your eating

- If you do end up binging in the middle of the night or while he's not there, the bathroom is off limits for the next 45 minutes.

- He will literally stand in the way of the doorway if you try to go, he's not risking anything.

- If you try not to eat too much the next day to 'make up for it' he'll sit with you while you eat and give you encouraging words here and there, but neither of you are getting up till your finished.

One shot

You're kneeled over the bathroom toilet, the back of a toothbrush nudging your throat, when you let out a loud gag. You immediately take the toothbrush out and cover your mouth.. you had learned to be so quiet after akutagawa found out about your eating disorder, how could you let that happen?

You hear footsteps approaching the bathroom door before three short knocks. "Yeah, Ryū?" You ask, your voice was raspy and you sounded like you had been crying. Fuck, he knows.

"..(Name) are you alright? Are you doing something you shouldn't?" His voice was sharp, like he was angry. You knew he wasn't, you knew he would never be angry at your for something like this.. just.. upset, but you can't help the guilt that courses through your body at his words.

"No." You choke out, shuffling to shove the toothbrush back in the holder. "I heard gagging." You clear your throat, trying to get rid of the rasp. "Um.. I wasn't. Just coughing. I'm not feeling well." You call out, quickly flushing your thrown up dinner down the toilet. "I'll be out in a second."

You dig in the drawers for your perfume, air freshener, dry shampoo, anything you can spray to cover up the smell of your throw up, but you couldn't find anything. So you hesitantly clean your hands and leave the bathroom with the overwhelming smell of vomit filling it.

"Hey, love." You mumble, sitting down next to him on the couch, your voice shaky. "..(Name), don't lie to me. I know what you were doing." He mumbles, placing his hand on the back of your head, pulling you closer to him. You blink back tears as you push your face into his chest. "Im sorry.. I'm so so sorry.. I didn't mean to.. I didn't.." you choke out, sniffling.

"Don't apologize to me, dear. I'm not mad, or even upset. Just.. concerned. You told me you would stop." His voice sounded sympathetic, something you weren't used to with him. The smell of cigarette smoke hung on your jacket, a scent you had grown to love and found comforting since meeting him. The way his lanky, boney, ring covered fingers glided through your hair, his soft voice, it all comforted you, it all told you it was okay to cry.

His heart ached at the little gasps and sniffles and whimpers you let out whilst sobbing into his chest. It made him want to start bawling with you, but of course he wouldn't. He could never appear weak to you. "I'm sorry- I'm so sorry Ryu- I just can't stop- I can't stop no matter how hard I try.." you sob, hands moving to cling onto the fabric of his shirt. "I'm so sorry!"

"Oh baby.." he sighed. You didn't want to look up, you know he's looking down with pity. Pity you didn't want. "It's alright. I don't want you to cry, it's not your fault.. I understand- well, no, I don't. I don't understand, but I want to help you." Wrapping his arms around you, he leans into your head, the scent of your shampoo filling his nose.

That's where you two lay for the rest of your night, him whispering comforting words in your ears, giving you all the love you could ever ask for, something you'd never expect from a man like him.

Chuuya

- He notices within the first month of FRIENDSHIP

- The way you get up and scurry off to the bathroom after every meal you share, the guilt on your face after grabbing a third serving at the party you two are at, how quick you shove shit down your throat before tears well up in your eyes and you excuse yourself.. all of it.

- He definitely cares, but probably won't confront you about it till later on in the friendship if you're still having trouble

- He won't just send you a lousy "have you been eating properly?" Text either, he's gonna invite you over to his house making it known you two are gonna have a serious conversation, then sit you down in his living room then prod and probe till you admit it.

- If you're still struggling w/ it when you're dating/when you move in together (which you probably are bc eds are harsh) he'll be like Akutagawa and monitor everything you eat, just a little more stealthily

- He is not afraid to tell you to slow down if you seem to be overeating.. he takes the binging just as seriously as the purging.

Oneshot

You had awakened in the middle of the night with a need for food. Anything you could get your hands on you needed inside of you asap.

You quickly and carefully slipped out of his arms and out of bed, tip toeing to the kitchen and flicking the light on. The first thing you see is a brand new box of cereal you had bought today, Chuuya hadn't had it in awhile, it was his favorite as a kid and he seemed happy while buying it. Guilt tote through you when you ripped open the box and shuffled handfuls into your mouth, before discarding the half empty box on the ground.

You reached for the cake you two had made for your birthday last week, taking fistfuls with your bare hands and shoving the icing covered cake in your mouth.

After shoving everything in vicinity down your throat, you open the fridge to find a diet coke, or a regular, just anything with bubbles.. anything with carbonation to help you get this all up better. Anything. Your eyes land on an energy drink you had bought yesterday.. you were saving it for today, but in your eyes you needed it now.

You crack it open and glug it down, before looking at the mess you made on the floor. Empty boxes, half eaten cake, a carton of half eaten cookies, an empty bowl that was previously filled with salad, an empty milk carton.. you felt sick to your stomach. You needed this out of you now. Now.

You quietly tip toe to the bathroom, turning off the kitchen lights behind you and locking the door behind you, kneeling on the ground in front of the toilet. You hated doing this, you hated how gross you felt hovering over something where your ass went.. but you needed it gone. You couldn't gain weight.. you already felt so fat as it is no matter how much chuuya tried to convince you you're average.. you just couldn't believe it. Looking in the mirror all you could see was piles of fat.

You push the back of your toothbrush down your throat, gagging almost silently as the first few things came up. You recognized some chocolate, veggies, something.. red.. you didn't want to think about it too much as you shoved the toothbrush back down your throat. You watched as everything you ate came up opposite to the order you had it in.

Finally, you recognize barely chewed lumps of cereal fall into the toilet, and after you throw up stomach acid mixed with dark blood, you sigh, wipe your mouth and stand up, flushing the toilet, and clean yourself up.

Walking out of the bathroom, you see the kitchen lights on. Fuck. You could've sworn you turned those off.

Your ginger haired boyfriend turns the corner from the kitchen, looking you dead in the eyes with disappointment on his face. You wished you could just evaporate. "Love, what is this?" He sounded.. exasperated. Tired of you, tired of your illness, tired of having a girlfriend who can't just eat normally. You were tired of it too, but the Internet made recovery seem so much easier than it really was.

Tears flow out of your eyes as you wipe the remaining spit dribbling from your mouth away. "Did you throw up?" He sighs.. you can't tell if he's being sympathetic or if he's annoyed. Maybe both. All you can muster is a nod before you fall into his chest, letting out broken sobs and choking out apologies. From where you are you can glance into the kitchen, noticing he had cleaned up the little mess you made.

God, not only did he have to deal with such an emotional, disordered girlfriend.. he had to clean up after you too? You felt like such a terrible person, like you didn't deserve his love.

"Cmon, sweetie, let's go to bed. Let me tuck you in." He mutters sleepily. "Don't apologize.. don't apologize, it's not your fault. You know I'm not mad." His whispers comfort you and make you feel worse at the same time, you didn't understand it. "I'm not mad, just worried. I could never be mad at you." He speaks softly, nudging you towards the open door of your bedroom.

You whimper and sniffle as he tucks you into bed, before getting back in himself and wrapping his arms around your waist. He leans in, whispering sweet nothing's in your ear, tracing shapes in your hip, telling you you're beautiful and it'll all be okay until you fall asleep.

When you wake up the next morning, Chuuya isn't there. He must've gone to work already. You see a small note on the bedside table next to you, and hesitantly pick it up to read its contents.

"Hey doll, I'm sorry I left for work before we could talk about this in-person, and I definitely have a plan to speak to you about it tonight. But I wanted to let you know I'm not mad at you, nor am I upset with you, I'm just concerned for your well-being and safety. I want to get you into some treatment program because I'm not trained in this, and I don't really know how to help. I know this isn't entirely about your weight or how your body looks, but baby believe me when I say you're beautiful. You are the most gorgeous girl I have ever laid my eyes on and I am so lucky to have you. You are not 'too much' and your emotional baggage is not too much for me to carry. Even if it was, it's worth it for a girl as sweet and caring as you.

Love, Chuuya"

You hold the note close to your chest and push yourself backwards into bed, draping the covers over yourself and falling back asleep with his letter held close.

[igniferrus]

God. So I've been thinking about BBC's Arthur Pendragon. I work a job heavy on the manual labour and light on the mental labour, so I have a lot of Free Brain Space.

But I started off wondering why there are so many fics about Arthur learning how much Merlin does for him, and so few of the reverse. Because there is no way that Merlin isn't in trouble 89.2% of the time, in some way or another. We see Arthur protect Merlin after his dumbass confession to Uther, and also bodily haul him out of the throne room for safety reasons. No body else could get away with stealing the Prince's food, or disappear or days and keep his job!! And Arthur doesn'teven know they're bound by destiny, he just really likes Merlin! He's just some guy Arthur found and chased around a market.

And then I remembered that so many people forget that Arthur Pendragon is fundamentally A Good Man. I know the show refused to give him permanent character development, but even his base character is a good guy! The most assholish thing we see him do is in the first episode, throwing things at the servants. And then, compared to the rest of the series, that feels very out of character!

Yes, Arthur uses Merlin as a training dummy, but I'm sure that's just to get him to quit. And it's only shown early in the first season. Arthur is consistently shown as caring for his people (refusing to enforce Catrina's tax increase, willing to die to fix his unicorn mistake), more fair about magic users despite only seeing it used for evil (saving Mordred and the woman who gave him the Horn of Cathbhadh. He even tries to give Kara an out, for Mordred!), and cares deeply for those around him! He loves Gwen. He loves Morgana. He loves Merlin. He loves his knights. He even loves Uther!

It's not his fault that the people around him refuse to allow him to make his own choices. Gauis, Uther, and Merlin all lie about his mother. Merlin and Morgana don't tell him about their magic. Morgana doesn't see him as any other than an extension of Uther, despite knowing him for years.I t's so easy to judge him as an outsider with all the facts, but we should remember that Arthur's is intentionally left out of the loop and judge him from that perspective. He does the best he can, with what he knows!

Merlin, despite being repeatedly told that he and Arthur are in this together, and need each other, does not tell Arthur anything! Arthur is not allowed to make an informed choice and he shouldn't be punished for that. Even when Merlin finally comes clean, Arthur doesn't rage! He's hurt and upset that his "only friend", the "only one [he] can trust" have been lying to his face for a decade, which, understandable, but he chooses Merlin anyway! He wants to be held by Merlin at the end, thanks him, and asks him to stay they same after Arthur's death!! Because he still cares for Merlin!

Arthur Pendragon's character development is stymied at every turn by the show and its writers, but even then they couldn't stop him from being a good man!!

This was more rambling and less coherent than I wanted, but it's been hot out lately and my brain is cooked.

Anyway, I am first and foremost an Arthur Pendragon apologist.

[nian-7]

I have a request if thats okay for you! Take your timee!!

The reader gets stabbed in the chest And literally coughing blood and shit and dies and literally a minute later they are like "hi :3" (they literally have a shit eating smile as if they didnt just die a few minutes ago) while they are literally wasting tears for them and they just look at the reader still crying but looks like theyre about to slap the reader, the reason for them not dying just yet is because they literally have two lives and just used one for this (lets say crack if you will lol.) Ty!!

Includes: Jing yuan, Yanqing, Blade, Serval

Y anon </33

hello! this is a funny concept so please enjoy!

Serval, Jing Yuan, Yanqing x gn!reader

✧having two lives

✧crack, tw: blood, injuries

" It's gonna be alright, (name)- " She was kneeled beside your bleeding body in the snowy outskirts of Belobog. It had just been a short trip out and neither of you had expected to get attacked. You tried getting up as she forced you back to laying down. " Please, just lay down while we wait for the Silvermane Guards. " She had a sad look on her face as she spoke.

" I'll- " You coughed, making her flinch as she saw blood come out from your mouth. " I'll be- okay.. " Your breath was getting shallow as she helped you sit up to prevent you from choking on your own blood.

" Just rest, it'll be okay, yeah? They'll be here soon to take you to a doctor. " She assured, not wanting you to feel anxious or scared.

" You know.. " You started, looking over at her. " You really are a great girlfriend. " You gave a weak smile as you felt her squeeze your hand. She felt you go limp as she held you up, your hand no longer grabbing her own.

Tears pricked at her eyes as she stared at you, death had finally come to take you after you had bled out.

Your nose then scrunched up.

" Gross, what is that smell? " You opened your eyes, looking at Serval then back down at you. " Don't cry, I'm alive. " You smiled, her face was covered in disbelief.

" You- but you died? " She wiped a tear that was in her eye.

" Yeah but, I have two lives! Two! " You put up two fingers, much like a peace sign, and put it towards her. " I just used one so I have one more! " She sighed and hugged you tightly.

" ...Thank god. "

You found yourself being carried in the General's arms after you had been fatally wounded on a mission. You'd manage to get away even so, he feared you had little time left.

" I'm sure you will be alright, (name). " He looked down at you in his arms as he headed back towards the Luofu. " You must not worry. "

" Ah.. yeah, but it really hurts- Like really, really hurts. " You winced as you touched the wound on your abdomen.

" Refrain from touching it, I would not like for you to get an infection on top of such a fatal wound. " He had a stern yet caring look as he looked at you.

" Sorry, I just need to close my eyes for a bit.. " You felt your eyes fluttering closed as his eyes widened at you.

" (name), please try to keep your eyes open. We'll be th- " Your eyes had already closed, your body limp in his arms. Your weight now felt like dead weight as he stopped, looking down at your now lifeless form. " Ah.. " He needed to get you back as soon as he could, he shouldn't mourn you here.

You let out a sigh, your eyes opening once again.

" Sorry about that- Seems like I died though, huh? " You looked up at him. " I'm fine now, onwards! Back home! "

You heard him sigh as he started walking again. " You got me there. I truly believed you had died on me. It was not a pleasant feeling. I do have many questions for you alas, you should rest for now. "

" (name)! (name)! Don't fall asleep! " Yanqing sat beside you has you held your side. He had called for back up and a doctor but refused to leave you alone when you were like this. " You gotta stay awake, okay?! " His voice betrayed him as he talked to you, sadness was evident in it.

" Alright, alright.. I'm trying, " You let out a laugh. " I'll be fine, don't worry, okay? Just a little stab wound isn't going to get me. " You squeezed his hand gently.

" Just- stay awake! " He held your hand close to his chest as he looked at you. " You just gotta! " You gave a nod back as his eyes became glassy.

" Don't cry, Yanqing- " You coughed, going limp for a minute. Yanqings eyes started to water as he gently shook you.

" (name)?! " You let out a shaky breath a moment later, tears had started to come out of his eyes. He hugged you tightly.

" Yanqing! Not so tight! " You patted his back, signaling for him to loosen his grip.

" I'm just- just super happy you're okay! " He wiped the tears from his eyes. " Don't fall asleep again, okay? I'm going to stay right here and make sure you don't! "

" Alright, I promise.. " You smiled at the boy.

please do not repost any of my work without my permission, thank you for reading.

[fluffysucker]

4. In my defense, I have none

Bucky Barnes x Reader (AU)

TW: Talk about miscarriage. illusion to smut.

A/N: Written in Third POV. No use of Y/N. However, the reader is referred to as a female.

If you can't tell already, this chapter is heavily influenced by Folklore by Taylor Swift. I used so many song lyrics throughout the chapter. Lmk if you found them all.

PS: it's folklore. Get ready. Also, I'm NOT defending Bucky

Likes, comments, reblogs are VERY VERY highly appreciated. Opinions really matter to me

Series Masterlist  

Masterlist

You should have never let it reach here. It should have been just a one-time thing. A mistake. A slip.

However, you found yourself stuck in this dilemma more times than you wanted.

After that day in the house, it happened more frequently. Whenever the kids were asleep. If the kids were having a sleepover at either of their aunts or uncles. Even as far as when the kids were at school.

Both of you were missing each other too much. It was making up for lost time. All the time, you should have been holding each other, but you weren't even talking.

The fire between you was burning flames. Not caring, it might burn you instead.

You were happy to have a part of him back. Every time, you would tell yourself, This is the last. Yet you would fall in bed with him.

And he wasn't helping at all. Saying all the things you want to hear. Fulfilling all your needs Knowing exactly how to get you so pouty in his hands.

"You're doing so good for me, doll."

"Look at you. So beautiful and pretty."

"The best mama, my woman."

"Mine. All mine."

All the stuff you so desperately missed from him

And it wasn't just this. Every time you were done, he wouldn't leave right away. From the first time, he would stay for a bit longer. Holding you. Cuddling you to his chest Drawing circles on your skin Praising you.

He satisfied every need you had. The need to be touched. The need to be loved. The need. to be taken care of. The need to be with him.

Despite not having any real conversation about your current situation, you fooled yourself into thinking that it was Bucky's way of telling you to start over. That he always belonged to you.

It was just so pretty to think that all along there were some invisible strings tying you to him.

However, whenever your mind took control again, you would see how messed up the situation was. You were divorced for a reason. He didn't want you anymore. So why were you keeping his bed warm?

That is why every time you said you would stop, you would reserve some of your dignity. You would end it, but he would show up and look at you like you had hung the moon and the stars. You would fall again.

Bucky didn't know any better either. Letting his feelings take over. His primal need to have you be his

He was aware of how selfish he was. But the reason he left was never you. He never stopped loving you. He could never stop loving you. He would die for you in secret.

Would it be enough if he could never give you peace?

This predicament was what led you right where you are. lying on his chest after he tore your body apart at his new apartment. Rebecca, Bucky's sister, planned a trip for her kids and yours. You suggested tagging along, but she refused, telling you that you needed the break. She didn't think you would spend your break with her brother.

If you closed your eyes right now, you could imagine what would happen if nothing had changed. Bucky was still your husband. Your man. The intimacy was so familiar. The feeling of his arms around you and his breath over your face, the soft kisses on your hair Your own little heaven

The buzzing of the phone scattered your peaceful bubble. Bucky reached for his phone, and a little laugh erupted from him. You shouldn't have asked him about it. Nothing could have prepared him for his next words.

"Clint is making sure I won't stand this girl he has been so bent over setting up together."

The blood ran cold in your vessels. Dreed filled your body. You could hear the sound of your heart breaking into a million pieces.

Have you really meant so little to him?

Bucky was the love of your life, and he was planning dates while you laid with him. How did it get here?

Bucky had the audacity to pull you closer to him after putting his phone down. With what little is left of your dignity. You pushed him and got up to dress up and leave. Every fiber in your being was begging you to crawl on the bed and cry, but now wasn't the time.

"Where are you going?" Bucky asked, confused about the change in mood. He wanted to hold you a bit more.

"I'm leaving. So you could get ready for your date." You were proud of yourself for disguising the bitterness in your voice. You had shown him enough.

"It's not until 7 in the evening." The audacity was infuriating. Is he acting stupid, or is he really clueless?

You couldn't be in the same room with him anymore. You took your bag and rushed to the front door.

"Doll, what's wrong?" He followed you and reached for your arm, but you moved away quickly.

"Nothing. Have fun on your date." This time you couldn’t help it. 

"C'mon, doll. I'm just going for Clint. I already plan to tell her it won't work." This was your last straw.

"And why won't it work?" You turned to him, hurt in your eyes and venom lacing your voice.

"Because you're sleeping with your ex-wife and your kids' mother." The pain was too much for you to stay quiet for longer.

"Well, in that case, you should try to make it work because it's not happening again." You finally said it.

"Wait. Why?." Bucky never wanted this to stop. He didn't want to lose you. Again.

"Can't you really see what's wrong here? Do you really think what we are doing is normal?" You couldn't believe him. Is he that delusional?

"But I want you." It was the truth. But it was a harmful one.

"You want me, or do you want to keep sleeping with me?" The question, which you tried so hard to keep at the back of your brain, rushed into your words.

"Of course not. I only ever wanted you." Bucky never meant for you to doubt yourself. His actions weren't helping, but his intentions were to never hurt you.

"You left me."

"Not because I stopped loving you."

"And that's way worse."

You were finally having this conversation. The one you delayed for so long

"You left because you got bored. The role of the husband got too much for you."

"And how do you expect me to believe you loved me when everything tells me you were going to leave anyway?."

"I wasn't. I just couldn't do it anymore. I thought I was able to get over my old issues and keep going, but I couldn't."

"You couldn't talk to me. Couldn't reach out. Couldn't try to figure out a way to solve it. No, you chose to walk out on me because you couldn't commit anymore. Yet here we are. Look at us."

"Because I can't let go."

"But you can divorce me."

Bucky had no answer to this. His commitment issues got the better of him. He shouldn't have married you in the first place if he was going to leave anyway. He shouldn't have promised to stay forever and then walked away. And he was aware of it all. He could hear it all. But nothing could have prepared him for your next words.

"I was pregnant."

It fell from your tongue. It's so hard to say. So hard to listen. But he had to know. He had to know the sacrifices you made for him.

"I was so happy. I thought this was our chance to mend what was broken. And I didn't even know what was broken. When I went to tell you, you said you were busy and left. When you came back. You didn't even bother to ask me what I wanted."

"I thought you learned to read my mind. You noticed nothing. Not the morning sickness. Not the fatigue. Not the mood swings. Not my first trimester meal. Nothing. I gave so many signs. You didn't even see the signs."

"So when you brought out the divorce, I agreed. I was so hurt."

Bucky didn't want to believe you. He knew he was distant in the last months of your marriage. But was he really that bad? To the point he couldn't hear his wife's distress calls? He was so focused on his own problems that he almost neglected your presence. The only person who truly loved him

"If you had told me, I..."

"You would have stayed. Because you got tired of being a husband and not a father. You would have stayed for the kids, but you would have hated me. We would have been miserable. I had to make the choice. I had to choose for my kids to have a good father over anything."

It was no surprise how selfless you were. Choosing him and the kids over yourself was second nature to you.

"I was going to tell you after the divorce. I was going to tell you that I just found out. So even if you asked, I would turn down getting back together."

"But the pain was too much. The stress of losing my husband The self-doubt. There were too many questions I didn't have answers to. Along with the act that I was fine with the divorce. It was so hard. I lost it."

Maybe if you had told him, it wouldn't have happened. You will never know. And it will always haunt you.

All you knew was that either way, you weren't going to win.

"I had to go drop the kids off at Nat's first before going to the hospital all by myself. I couldn't call anyone because no one knew, and the last thing I wanted was fake sympathy."

"You know what I needed, my husband. I got back to an empty house. I had to get through this all by myself. Alone. "

"I wanted you to hold me. Let me cry. Let me grieve. I needed you. And you weren't there. I had to pick up the pieces because the kids needed their mother. And I did."

Bucky's heart was shattered by how much you suffered because of him. Because he let his fears control him. Hurting the person he cherished the most. Damaging the only real thing he ever had. Your marriage.

"I tried so hard to hate you. Only remember the agonizing pain. You left me broken and bitten. You, the love of my life. The man I have ever loved. You, who drew stars around my scars, and now, I'm bleeding. "

"But the moment you touched me, it was all down the drain. You are all I ever wanted. I forgot about it all."

"Every time I say this is the last time, then I still come back to you. I love you too much to have common sense."

"I convinced myself we were changing for the better. Wanting was enough. For me, it was enough. To live for the hope of it all. Maybe there is a chance for us."

"I was wrong."

"You had me wishing you were a bad father, so you would've abandoned all of us. You had me wishing you stopped caring for the kids so I could hate you. So I can stop seeing you. You had me wishing pain on my own kids. Because I can never understand how you can be such a good dad but so afraid of being a husband."

"Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me. Look at this idotic fool that you made me."

At this point, you were in a hysterical state. Tears running down your face. Sobs shake your body. Your fists collide with his bare chest. letting your anger out with the crushing pain. The last four months are finally showing. The hurt you have kept inside is out in the open.

You couldn't fight anymore. You rested your head on his chest as you sobbed. Mourning your broken heart

He hesitated to wrap his hands around you. Letting both of your tears mix together. The fact that he was the reason for your breakdown killed him.

His hold felt like a cage. Keeping you trapped because you can't let go either. You would never be free.

You stood there for a while until your sobs became sniffles. You broke from his grasp, looking at him with your puffy red eyes.

"The kids deserve better than this. They deserve the best parents. And that's where we are now. Parents. Nothing more."

You walked to the front door. You turned to look at him. Silently begging him to say something. Do something. But you got nothing. And that was it.

If your feelings for each other were too strong to handle, too complicated to solve, too damaging to save, then you never stood a chance to exist again.

Now, both of you dream of some epiphany. Just one single glimpse of relief. To make some sense of what you've seen

"See you next weekend." You said this as you closed the door behind you.

You left Bucky to face the consequences of his actions. He wanted to leave. So you left. Here, he pushed the only person who ever mattered to him. The person who loved him to the moon and to Saturn

How could he let his stupid mind get him here? He let his insecurities take over. How self-centered did he have to be for this to happen? Ruining his family and his world just for the sake of himself And he wasn't even miserable. He got into his own head. Dark thoughts that pushed him here. Thinking he couldn’t commit anymore, when all he ever needed was always going to be you.

With tears streaming down his face, all he could think about was how he got here. Why did he become the villain? His mind was running thousands of miles a second. 

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

You turned into your worst fears

And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain

Crossing out the good years

And you're cursing my name, wishing I stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet

Taglist: @lethallyprotected @almosttoopizza @ragingrainbowshipl @dexter99 @xdarkcreaturex @nash-dara @paarthurnax59 @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @unaxv @missmielyhoran @wintermischief @kandis-mom

[littlefireball]

ᴍɢ|ꜱᴇᴄᴏɴᴅ ᴄʜᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴘᴛ.2 (ᴍ)

ᴡᴏʟꜰ ᴍɪɴɢɪ x ʟᴏɴᴇ ᴡᴏʟꜰ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ (ᴘᴀʀᴛ 1 ɪꜱ ʜᴇʀᴇ)

ꜱᴍᴜᴛ│ꜰɪɢʜᴛ ꜱᴄᴇɴᴇ|ᴀᴘᴏʟᴏɢɪᴢᴇ|ʀᴇᴄᴏɴᴄɪʟɪᴀᴛɪᴏɴ|ꜱᴇxᴜᴀʟ ᴘᴇɴᴇᴛʀᴀᴛɪᴏɴ|ᴜɴᴘʀᴏᴛᴇᴄᴛᴇᴅ ꜱᴇx

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 2.2ᴋ

"Get off from my girlfriend! Or I will kill you!!"

"Girl--?"

Before he could finish, Mingi charged towards yellow wolf at an invisible speed and forcefully struck him, sending him flying and crashing onto a nearby wooden table. Unable to withstand the pressure, the table shattered, and the yellow wolf struggled to get back up.

"Girlfriend?? I thought you didn't want her anymore?"

"It's none of your business!" Mingi punched him in the detestable face, knocking out several teeth and leaving bruises all over.

Mingi clenched his fist, eyes wide open, emitting a dangerous golden glow as all his dissatisfaction and anger turned into power.

"You--!" Slapped. "Go--" Punched. "TO--" Kicked. "DIE!"

Mingi's punches landed brutally on the opponent's body, each strike accompanied by his furious roar. The yellow wolf had no strength to fight back and could only let out a deafening scream. His limbs were brutally torn apart, blood splattered, and the sound of bones breaking added an extreme horror to this one-sided massacre.

"Mingi…?"

You weakly attempted to call out to the werewolf in front of you who was going mad. Upon hearing your voice, he immediately ceased the slaughter, as if regaining his sanity, and ran to your side.

"Y/N! Hold on! Stay with me! Please!" The loss of blood eventually caused you to lose consciousness.

"Mingi, go get some rest. You haven't slept since you came back," Yunho said worriedly.

"No, I want to stay by her side." He grabbed your hand, lightly planting a kiss on it, tears streaming down his face, afraid that you would never wake up again.

"He still refuses to rest," Yunho left the room, shaking his head in helplessness. "Whatever we say to him now, he won't listen. Just leave them alone for a while." Seonghwa patted Yunho's shoulder to comfort him, and bring him to leave the room.

"Please wake up, my Y/N. I miss you…I am sorry…" He lowered his head, not knowing if it was his crying that caused you to slowly open your eyes.

"Min…?"

"Y/N?? You're finally awake!" He opened his arms, wanting to embrace you, but you involuntarily retreated. Your heart started pounding, sweat collected on your forehead, as if a monster was sitting in front of you.

"It's me, Mingi. That yellow wolf is already dead, and you're safe."

"Don't touch me…" These words pierced his heart like a blade, making his face turn pale.

"I will leave, I won't appear in front of you again."

You shrugged off the blanket, turned and got out of bed without looking at him, but Mingi immediately caught hold of you.

"Your injuries aren't healed yet, you can't leave."

"It's fine." You tried to shake off his hand, but his strength was much greater than yours, and combined with your weakness from just waking up, your efforts were futile.

"Please listen to me, Y/N. I am sorry…" After hearing these words, you couldn't bear the grievance in your heart anymore, and tears burst out. He looked at you with guilt and pain in his eyes, took a deep breath, and gathered his courage.

"I was too angry at the time, I lost control and didn't listen to your explanation at all. I made you suffer, and I'm truly sorry. I shouldn't have doubted you without any evidence, it was my mistake, I was really terrible."

You didn't respond, continuing to lower your head and cry. You wanted to embrace him, kiss him, feel the warmth he gave you, but your rationality prevented you. You were afraid, afraid that his sincere words now were just impulsive, and who knows if the next second he would kick you out like before?

You didn't want to go through it all over again.

"By the time I found out the truth, it was too late. You had already left me, and I searched for you for a long time, but I couldn't find you. I regretted everything I did." He spoke with remorse and repentance in his broken voice, tears flowing uncontrollably.

"How did you find me?"

"We, just like you, wanted to enter their manor for revenge during the Blood Moon night…and then I caught your scent. I saw you lying on the table, barely alive, and I lost all sense, rushing in without caring if there were any traps…I was so afraid of losing you again…"

Your heart was filled with conflicting emotions and confusion. You couldn't ignore your love for him, but you couldn't forget the mistakes he had made either.

Yes, you still love him, your heart is full of missing him, but the past wounds are too deep, too deep…

"Y/N, can you forgive me…? No, even if you don't forgive me, it's okay. But can you give me a chance to make it up to you? I am so sorry."

You took a deep breath and slowly spoke, "Really?" You still didn't fully believe in his change.

"Yes, I promise. Please. Please let me accompany you and make up for the past." He lightly kissed your hand, causing a small part of your cold heart to melt.

"I need time, Mingi. I might not be able to accept you again in a short period of time. Let me think it over." You let go of his hand, wanting to turn and leave. Though you wanted to rush into his arms, you still lacked the courage.

"Y/N~ Look, I found the fruit you like to eat~" "Y/N~ Do you like this? I'll buy it for you~" "Y/N~ I love you so much~" Since that day, you packed your belongings and moved to a small forest near ATEEZ's habitat, not far away. It was a change of environment, but also a secret hope that Mingi could find you.

As expected, he quickly found your place. He understood the mistakes he made and was willing to take action to make a change. He started actively proving that his love and care were genuine, not just empty words. He became more attentive and considerate in daily life, thinking of you and striving to meet your needs. He even became more clingy, like a big puppy.

Despite your occasional mood swings and moments of distance, trying to avoid contact with him, there were also times when you couldn't help but be moved by his sincerity and wanted to give him a chance. But he stuck by your side, never leaving or giving up. His sincerity touched you, and slowly, you started to be attracted to him and open your heart again.

"Where is my painkiller?" You rummaged through the cabinets, but couldn't find the medication. This made you worried. If you calculated correctly, tonight or tomorrow morning should be the start of your heat.

But now, it was already evening, and it would be very dangerous if you go into heat while going out to buy medicine.

"Did I run out? What should I do…" Maybe you would have to endure the pain of heat for several days without any relief.

Just in case, you filled the bathtub with cold water, so you could immediately soak yourself if the pain became unbearable.

However, you clearly overestimated your pain tolerance. As you were preparing to go to sleep, your stomach suddenly started cramping intensely, as if your muscles were being pulled by ropes.

Sharp pain surged through your body, accompanied by waves of heat and constant sweating. Right now, even getting out of bed was a problem.

"Hmm… Mingi…" You held your feverish stomach, hoping for Mingi to appear.

"Today's practice ends here, let's go back!" Hongjoong said. They would have a routine training session every month, mainly at night. Just as they were returning to their manor, Mingi could clearly smell your scent lingering in the air. The fragrance was sweet and captivating.

"Y/N?" He didn't even look back, running straight towards the source of the scent, leaving the others perplexed.

"Where are you going, Mingi?"

"Y/N?" He opened your bedroom door and saw you lying naked, curled up in bed, with your apple-like scent wafting towards him. He swallowed hard as his sexual desire was awakened completely.

"Mingi, I want help. It hurts."

"Let me help you, my little wolf." He took off all his clothes, climbed onto your bed, and kissed your lips. Your lips were as sweet and soft as ever, a feeling he had missed so much.

Your lips fiercely locked together, the passionate atmosphere radiating from the intense kisses. Breathing heavily and eagerly, it was like two beasts gnawing at each other's lips. Your hands continued to wander over each other's bodies, tracing arousing lines that made your hearts race. The friction between your bodies fueled the fervor, arousing the desires and emotions hidden within both of you.

He left your lips and moved down to suck on your chest. His tongue circled around your nipples, gently biting and licking, producing lascivious sounds of saliva.

"Hmmmm…" Your moans excited him even more. As he kissed your neck, he paused and looked at the bite marks left by the yellow wolf on your skin, feeling a mix of emotions.

"You are mine." He bit down on the same spot, wanting to cover up the disgusting mark.

"Ahhhh…" He kissed your entire body, marking every inch of your skin as his, announcing to the world that you were his possession.

"Mingi… I want more." Simple kisses and bites were no longer enough to satisfy your desires, and you rubbed your legs to express your discomfort.

"Yes, my pretty." His erect member could no longer be restrained. He aimed at your hole and slid into your wet walls.

"Ah, it's been so long. I've missed you so much." He hadn't made love since you left. Now he can finally feel your pussy again.

"ahhh… too big!"

"So fucking tight!" He fucked you at an inhuman pace, as if it was the last day on Earth. "Ha! Ha! Hum!!" Just like him, it had been a long time since you made love. The long-lost excitement sent shivers down your spine, your heartbeat pounding in your chest, as if it wanted to burst out.

Blood rushed through your veins, your cheeks flushed, and your skin temperature gradually rose. The sound of skin colliding echoed like drums, accompanied by moans from both of you.

"Right there, please harder!"

"As you wish." His cock slammed against your G-spot, sending waves of numbness that made you feel a knot in your stomach. You propped yourself up on the bed with your hands, your fingertips turning white from exertion, and your breasts bouncing from his forceful thrusts.

"Ahhh my alpha!" Did he hear correctly? You called him your alpha?

"What baby? Can you say that again?"

"Alpha, please." Tears welled up in his eyes. He had been waiting so long to hear those words.

Your lips met again, both of you enjoying the pleasure it brought. The soft and warm feeling slowly spread, filled with love and emotional blending. Your lips intertwined with tongues, creating sparks of electricity in the dancing flames. He continued to thrust forcefully, filling all your empty spaces, constantly rubbing against your vagina.

"I am cumming." He buried his head in your neck, increasing his speed once again.

"Oh Fuck!! Fuck!! Mingi!!" His beastly nature completely occupied his senses, the frantic speed making the bed frame squeak.

"Please, I need you cum inside me… Breed."

"You want me to cum inside your cunt, huh?"

"Please, please, my alpha. I want your knot." You pleaded, wanting to become one with him. His cock became bigger than before and entered your the deepest part. You gasped in pain and threw your head. Panting so heavily as if oxygen was running out.

"It hurts!"

"You can take it." His tip kept hitting your deepest part and sperm was flowing out. The pain was hard to bear at the beginning but turned into pleasure slowly. Both of you moaned loudly and your scent mixed together.

Not knowing how much time has passed, but you only knew that the energy between the two of you seemed to be endless, constantly exchanging positions; sometimes he spooned you, sometimes he flipped you over, or you were riding him.

"Mingi, I'm cumming."

"Then cum with me, babe."

"Hmm…!" He sat up and wrapped around your shoulder, licking your neck. You lift you head to give him more room so that he could bite your nape. Once he bite, both of you came at the same time. Blood from your nape flowed out a little bit and he licked all.

After it was all over, he pulled out and held you in his arms on the edge of the bed. Your back was against his chest, feeling his breath rise and fall.

He gently pecked your head, saying tenderly, "Do you know? I've waited so long for this day… I was really afraid that you wouldn't want me anymore…" You turned around and lightly kissed his lips.

"I forgave you a long time ago, and…" You snuggled against him. "You knot me, and I am yours." Tears swelled up in his eyes as he finally had you back by his side.

In that moment, your lips gently touched, like butterflies caressing petals, and everything returned to the sweetness of the beginning.

[theoceanoasis]

can we get part two of soundwave kidnapping Hotrod to make ratbat happy?

When he woke up he found himself chained to a bed with Soundwave nearby. He glared at the Decepticon demanding he release him.

"No. Ratbat wants to keep you and I can't have you wandering around the Decepticons base."

He glared and struggled to get out of his hand cuffs.

"I'm an Autobot and shouldn't be here."

"You're Ratbats caretaker now."

Soundwave opened his chest plating and Ratbat flew out. The sparkling chirped happily and cuddled against his chest for warmth.

He glared at Soundwave who was watching the two of them.

"I'm not staying."

"Yes you are. Now be a good little carrier and let your coding activate."

He looked at him in surprise because no one was supposed to know that. He then noticed a warning telling him that his coding was starting to activate. Panicking he gave Soundwave an accusing look.

"You did this to me."

"I didn't do anything. Your body has already decided that it's Ratbats caretaker."

The sparkling nuzzled against him and he could feel his coding desperately trying to activate. It was embarrassing because he didn't want anyone to know and because his chest plates were trying to open.

He glared at Soundwave refusing to back down.

"I'm not going to join your cause."

"You don't have to. All you have to do is take care of my cassettes."

"Why? Because you can't take care of them yourself. Especially Ratbat who you let wander around the middle of battlefields almost getting hurt."

Soundwave glared and his engine growled clearly unhappy with his words. He would have been pleased if Ratbat hadn't interrupted them.

He'd been nuzzling at his chest plates this entire time but now he was chirping hungrily.

He glanced down at the little cassette and then back at Soundwave.

"I can't feed him like this. Do you have a bottle or something?"

Soundwave immediately gave Ratbat a guilty look.

"We're out of sparkling energon."

"What?!"

"We've been trying to ration it as we look for more but there isn't more. Sparkling energon isn't a priority and the ones we have found have been poisoned."

He stared at Soundwave in shock having no idea. Now that he was really looking at him he could see how exhausted he was. He'd been desperately searching for sparkling energon while having to watch his bitty constantly worried he wouldn't be able to feed him.

Soundwave almost looked ready to cry as Ratbat kept chirping hungrily. He shifted in discomfort having no idea what to say or do.

He had no idea sparkling energon was in short supply or that people were poisoning it. He didn't even know what kind of a monster would do that.

Ratbat made a strange noise that made Soundwave tense worried for his sparkling. He looked down in confusion feeling his chest plates suddenly open much to his shock.

Looking down his once empty pouches were now filled with energon and he stared at them while Ratbat eagerly latched on.

He glanced back at Soundwave feeling embarrassed as his pouches were suddenly exposed. He had tears in his optics and Soundwave sensing his distress covered him with a blanket.

He then crouched down surprising him even more when he pleaded with him to help.

"Please Hot Rod we need you. Ratbat will die if he doesn't eat."

He looked down at the sparkling who was hidden by the blanket and then back at Soundwave. He felt horribly conflicted because he wasn't a Decepticon and didn't want to stay there for who knows how long chained to his bed but he also couldn't let an innocent sparkling suffer.

"Fine I'll stay."

"Thank you."

Soundwave sighed in relief giving him a grateful look.

"Let me get you some energon so you can refill as well."

Soundwave left the room and he watched him go. Surprised by how expressive Soundwave could be and that he didn't know the Decepticon at all. Just like his teammates they all saw him a certain way and now he's realizing how wrong they've been.

[butleroftoast]

Festively depressing headcanon, for no good reason.

-

Wild rats live somewhere between one and two years. Even allowing for Morris's care, guidance, and protection, not to mention fantasy healing magic, Fishstinky isn't going to make it past five years, tops, no matter how much Morris tries to find a way of extending his life. He probably loses his alpha rat status a little earlier than that, being frailer than he was. Morris doesn't interfere, that's how things go for rats, and he works hard to maintain his unusual status with the new alpha, but he remains particularly fond of Fishstinky.

One day, the group is on a quest to retrieve something -- let's say Skullduggan's sword. After a lot of failed attempts and narrow misses, they've finally got an opportunity to steal it back. One key step of the plan involves Morris's druidic magic. He has the energy for one more wildshape, having used the other for recon earlier in the day. Their monk companion goes into Morris's tent near the rat nest, to tell him it's now or never, and discovers that he isn't there.

What happened is this: Fishstinky had been ailing for several days and it was clear he didn't have much time left. Morris didn't bother mentioning this to anyone, partly because he didn't think it was any of their business, partly because he knew they wouldn't understand or care, and partly because it shouldn't have mattered, even the rats wouldn't be that concerned. Shortly before he was required for the plan, however, he knew.

He knelt beside Fishstinky: I'm here, I'll be with you. I'm always with you. Fishstinky asked: let me see you.

I'm here.

I want to see you.

Morris realised Fishstinky meant he wanted to be with Morris in ratshape, something he understood better than humans. Using that last wildshape just to comfort a dying rat would ruin the plan completely, and Morris decided that he didn't care (it wouldn't matter if it was a life or death situation for the rest of the party, honestly). He dropped into ratshape and curled up beside Fishstinky, who died shortly afterwards.

The monk only sees two rats on a cushion, not an abnormal sight in Morris's tent, and starts panicking about how he's disappeared until her cleric partner arrives. They decide to fetch Skullduggan, since it's their sword, and besides, they know Morris best.

Skullduggan catches on much more quickly. They work out the approximate time, wait alone until the hour of wildshape is up, and right on cue one of the rats abruptly turns back into Morris, still hunched over Fishstinky's body refusing to move. He won't turn round but is evidently distressed, denying anything is wrong yet shuttered in. He keeps insisting: it doesn't matter, he's just a rat, lots of them have died before. All the time he's fighting back angry, miserable sobs.

What makes it harder is of course the colony turns up to investigate and scuffles are already breaking out over who gets to take Fishstinky's place. Morris is forced to be firm and commanding with them if he wants to keep his own role, exactly what he doesn't feel able to do right now. On top of that he needs, or feels he needs, to take a piece of Fishstinky for his totem, and the last thing anyone should have to do after watching their best friend die is cut off their head with a pocketknife. And then, when the other rats are done sniffing the body, the natural way of things is for them to eat it.

This is all quite a lot to process and he really doesn't want to be around people. Skullduggan, however, is more than a little angry that Morris just lost them the chance to have their sword back: you know how you feel about your rats? That's how I feel about my bloody sword! Morris casts hold person on them to prevent them from launching at him. Feeling Skullduggan's fury even while paralysed, he prepares to drop it, but only with a warning that if Skullduggan tries anything else he will stop him. Drops it, Skullduggan charges forwards, Skullduggan is immediately shoved backwards by thunderwave.

Since it's clear that Morris is prepared to burn through all of his spellslots just to ensure himself some privacy while he grieves, and since they don't have their sword to smash his head in with, Skullduggan gives up. They'll have to find another way to get their sword back. It's a very awkward night in camp.

[probsnothawkeye]

The grotto server got me writing small fics again so woe! Grotto/woe.begone crossover be upon ye

Matt knew that he shouldn't go back to the caves. He knew that. His body was wrecked, his finger was missing, he was lying to David–

“Woah there, pard,” a voice, gruff and low and accented, one he didn't recognize, said suddenly. “Take some deep breaths for me, alright? That's it, pilgrim, just match my breathing.” Matt opened his eyes– when had he closed them again?– to see a man in a cowboy hat standing beside his bed. The confusion must have been evident on his face, as the man just gave a small chuckle. “The name's Michael. I'm going to be helping with your physical therapy.”

“Are you really a cowboy?” Matt found himself blurting out, not wanting to focus on the pain in his body or heart so focusing on the cowboy hat instead. “I feel like this is one of those things you have to disclose. Otherwise it's entrapment. Cowboy entrapment.”

Michael let out another laugh. “Do you reckon I'd be wearin’ the hat if I weren't a cowboy?”

“It could be very dedicated cosplay.”

“I think we'll get along just fine, pard. Now come on, I'm gonna be teaching you some stretches today which should help with some of the soreness that I'm sure being cooped up in here has caused.”

That was how it started. Every week, Matt would have a physical therapy appointment with Michael– the man somehow maintaining his cowboy hat even when doing stretches lying down. Michael was… Matt wasn't really sure what Michael was, but the stretches were helping and he was starting to get used to the missing finger.

“So what happened to it anyway?” Michael asked one day, gesturing at Matt's hand. “And don't try to give me the same story you told the docs. I ain't enough of a fool to let you convince me that this was the result of you getting jumped.”

“You wouldn't believe me if I told you what happened,” Matt said, feeling like the most cliche of characters in a movie but not even caring. Michael *wouldn't* believe him; how could anyone believe that Matt cut off his finger because he thought it would appease the supernatural beings in the Grotto and let him speak to Emily? The only thing that could come from this would be Michael getting Matt hospitalized *again* and Matt didn't want to go back to the hospital.

“You'd be surprised what I can believe, pard. I promise I won't go runnin’ to the docs, I ain't a narc. I just wanna help, Matt. Whatever way I can.”

Something about his words had Matt spilling his guts, the same way he did to the person in the cave.

“So you cut off your finger to try an’ talk to her again?”

“Yeah.”

“Did it work?”

“...No.” It was hard for Matt to admit that, hard for him to accept that he had done himself bodily harm and for *what*? He didn't even get to talk to Emily. All he did was lose a finger and terrify David.

“If’n you don't mind me askin’, why the ring finger?” Michael asked, pulling Matt out of his mind.

“I'm hardly gonna need it anyway. The only one I could see myself marrying was her and… And she's gone.”

Michael hummed thoughtfully at that. “Well, pard, the way I see it you've got yourself two options. You can continue wallowing’ in misery an’ refuse to move forward with your life. This will likely lead to you dead in a ditch– or a cave, given your track record– before the year is out. An’ you might think that's the option to take, might think that nobody’d miss you anyhow. But I've seen that boy who drops you off an’ I can tell you for a fact he'd miss you. And he leads me to option two: let the people in your life help you so you can move on. I ain't sayin’ you need to forget Emily, but you don't need to die for her just cos she’s dead. Don't you think she'd rather you live for her instead?”

For the first time in a long time, Matt thought about his future. It felt like it had slipped away with Emily and Michael was right, Matt was diving head first into an early grave just because she was gone. But she wouldn't want that for him. If she had been the one who lived, she'd be doing things to get her life back on track, not almost getting herself killed in caves. She'd let him go, not because she didn't love him but because she loved him enough to keep living.

And he could do that too.

“Does all this wisdom come with the hat or did you stumble upon it yourself?”

“I've been around more kinds of scenarios than you'd imagine, pard,” Michael said, patting Matt on the back. “I've made it out alive an’ you can too.”

“Yeah,” Matt said, catching sight of David in the waiting room through the small window on the door. “Yeah, I can too.”

[cruorcrave]

29 December 2024

(TL;DR at the end.)

Last night my sister's new friend took us for a bit of a joyride in his car. It was great. We listened to the entirety of Hybrid Theory for the first half of the drive, then lots of The Used, Pierce the Veil, My Chem etc. for the rest. It was really therapeutic and it was really thoughtful of my sister to include me. Was nice to get out of the house for a few hours.

Today was completely average. Haven't really done anything except shower, relapse and go for a walk.

Hanging out with that friend tomorrow! I really hope it goes well. I keep checking my phone to see if they've abruptly cancelled because it's happened a lot recently. I'm looking forward to tomorrow though. Got a new outfit to try and everything.

I'm pretty wiped out, though. Mentally and physically. I barely got any sleep last night.

tw discussing s/h, autovampirism

Honestly, I think my sleeping habits are starting to become a form of s/h too. Everything I do, I do to hurt myself. I guess it sounds "edgy" or whatever but I genuinely feel like I deserve it. I've been a really terrible person in my past and as much as people tell me I was just a kid or I wasn't that bad, I can't heighten my self esteem without feeling like an asshole or a narcissist.

I don't want to die - in fact the thought terrifies me - but I feel a need to suffer. Constantly, perpetually suffer. I cut up my wrists and drink the blood, I bruise my face, arms and knees to the point I have near constant headaches and aching limbs, the headaches are worsened by my tendency to hit my head on blunt objects, I refuse to let myself sleep until I literally cannot stay awake any longer, and at this point I'm probably going to start burning myself soon too as much as I don't want to.

I know I've said this before, but Chester put it in a way that I can't really improve on. There's another me in my head that wants to take me down. My head is a bad neighbourhood I shouldn't walk through alone.

But I'm stuck in my head. I feel like I can't control myself. I'm genuinely terrified of what I'll do to myself next because I don't feel like I can stop whatever it is that'll happen. It feels like all of this is happening to me, like someone is taking my hands and forcing me to hurt myself. I don't want to do this anymore. Genuinely. I want to stop aching, to stop stinging, to stop hurting. But it just never stops. I can't stop myself. I don't know how and I don't know why I can't do anything. Every time I hurt myself, it's like I'm on autopilot, disassociating and watching myself do awful things to my body and mind; images I can never get out of my head and feelings that never go away. It's scary. I'm scared. I'm scared of myself and what I'm capable of doing to myself. I don't want to do this anymore. I just want it all to go away. I want my scars to fade and my bruises to heal and my headache to leave me. But I just feel so helpless. I feel powerless. The other me in my head is winning and I don't know how to stop him. I don't know what to do. I feel so alone.

Today, I don't really know what I'm happy about. I guess my mum bought a drink for the house that I like. Thankful for my sister and her friend taking me for a drive last night too.

Song of the Day: A Car, a Torch, a Death - Twenty One Pilots

TL;DR:

My sister's friend took us on a drive where we listened to a bunch of numetal/metal/alt rock/emo and it was great. Didn't do much today. Hanging out with a friend tomorrow! Nervous but excited. Really tired though. Not letting myself sleep recently. Relapsed. My self harm is the worst it's ever been I think.

Clean since 29 December 2024

[thebleedingeffect]

GARYJOHN!!!!!

GOD !!!!! GOD!!!! IT'S ACTUALLY EMBARRASSING HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS DAMN PAIRING- IT'S JUST REALLY GOOD OKAY.

Okay so, to explain myself a bit, I know garyjohn is already a massively fucked up ship but I think we can make it worse, I believe in us.

Tbh I actually don't thinnnnkkkkkk garyjohn would ever outright kill each other? Because I feel like their whole thing is possession, obsession, and divine ownership of one another, the kind of relationship that only a god and its chosen lamb can have. John can and will be changed on a fundamental level by Gary, whether that be through corruption, giving into temptation, or by the literal second death rebirthing him into Gary’s image. Gary is changed by John because he finds himself wanting to own John more than anything else, more than helping along the apocalypse, more than birthing the antichrist, no, Gary becomes changed because he wants to be John’s god and he's willing to do whatever it takes to become that. But killing each other? I don't think so because Gary refuses to kill what is rightfully his and John cannot kill Gary because he embodies all that he rejects in himself. And John can never convince himself to even raise the knife against Gary before he's thoroughly corrupted. So yeah they don't kill each other BUT not sure if it's for the better? Well it makes me happy so <3 yippee! And if they DO die then they die together, this is my truth.

(The dead body is just John after the second death, don't worry he's not actually dead just give him a moment)

Also obviously they're horrible for each other <333 they make each other worst in all of the most fucked up, sacrilegious ways that make me giggle and kick my feet. Their whole thing is quite literally corruption and taking what you deem to be already yours with or without them realizing or accepting it. It's having your temptations waved right in front of your face and you're only human and you want so very badly for a kind touch- the kind of love that you shouldn't want- Gary’s and John’s love fucking corrupts them both and it's GREAT !!!! I love making John go through so much fucking psychological torment it's gen one of my favorite things ever <333

Another thing is that I do think they're both lil sickos... John can be a lil fucked up... as a treat... he can be all cute and second deathed while sitting in Gary’s lap, he deserves it! And I don't even need to say anything about Gary- FUCKINF LOOK AT HIM !!!! THE LITTLE SICK FREAK OF ALL TIME !!!!

And God, God, I can't think about how hopelessly devoted in the most sick and twisted ways these two would be towards each other... Gary wanting to be John’s god and in turn begins to see John as his, his lamb, his chosen vessel, a beacon of tempting sin wrapped up in divine cloth that strangles him. Gary is devoted to John in the same way that God wraps his hand around the lambs' neck just to feel their heartbeat while kissing them on the cheek. Gary is devoted in all of the ways that promises that he will destroy and remake you in his image because he found something that he wants and why would he ever deny himself the indulgence of choosing the perfect vessel for himself? And John... God I think John would become so devoted after a time because Gary gives him all that he's so desperate for, but in the worst way possible. Attention, devotion, protection, divinity, as well as possessing the hand that forced all of his deepest, darkest fears upon him until he could not escape them anymore. John would start to see Gary as his savior and the only one who would ever truly want him... and if love is possession, reverence, and fear, then John is helpless to fight against Gary.

Anyway yeah the lack of content square isn't for art, it's for fic, God I'm so desperate for more good garyjohn fic please please please please-

[dejwritesarchived]

❪ ♡ ❫ ─── ⠀ ⠀⠀ poison ⠀ 〳 ⠀ mammon ‵ ❪ ♡ ❫ ─── ( synopsis ) you know you ride it right, i might just die tonight. but you know i'm still coming through baby. i know it's bad for me and you know it tastes so sweet. i think i need your abuse, baby.

♡ ˙ ˖ ✧ — female anatomy described, fem reader, established relationship (reader and mammon are an on and off again couple), pet names (baby, pretty girl, etc), nipple play, toxic relationship, toxic!reader, reader is a ballet dancer, also besties with asmo whose also a ballet dancer, college au, mentions of bruises, i guess you can say human au, breeding kink, mentions of blood, injured!mammon, street fighter!mammon, mating press, service dom!mammon, inspired by poison by brent faiyaz, wc: 2.3k, minors dni !!

reblogs & comments are highly appreciated. ♡

MAMMON JUST COULDN'T LET YOU GO. He treated you like an addictive drug that he was stuck on. Although you two had broken up months ago, he still found a way back into your life. You knew that that was one risk you would have to take when you decided to indulge in his behavior when you first met him. You somewhat blamed yourself for getting involved with your closest friend Asmo's brother. Even after the breakup, you still saw Mammon's face.

Practicing your turns in the living room of the brothers' inherited house with Asmo, only getting a glance at his battered face as he peeks into the living room really quickly. Or late nights going downstairs to get something to drink and bumping into him. Which always leads to you sneaking back into Asmo's room with Mammon's scent imprinting your skin about an hour later. It wasn't like, you wanted to continue to push the street fighter away, but you had plans.

You had things to do.

The dance industry could replace you in a blink of an eye and you were just getting your rightful flowers now and you refused to get distracted by a heart-jerking thing called love. You would have thought Mammon would understand that considering what he does. He put his body on the line for cash even though one bad hit could cause him to get injured or even dead. He shouldn't have time for love when he should be training as hard as you practiced for ballet.

But he didn't. He still crawled back for some reason. You still remembered staying over after a long night of practicing with Asmo, his words as the two of you were in his room. It wasn't no secret between the brothers about who they were seeing considering the awkwardness of them walking their flings past the dining room during breakfast time.

"I just wish you would put me and my other brothers out of our misery and just get back together with him. His whining ruins my skincare Sunday," Asmo plopped down on his bed.

"I don't have time for relationships or Mammon. I told him that." You responded as you did a quick turn and landed perfectly.

Asmo was staring at his pastel pink-colored nails. “You know you have to explain some things to him really…really…slow…like….this.” His words slowed down like a turtle.

You let out a snicker before you’re plopping down on the floor to stretch your limbs. “Auditions are coming up for The Nut Cracker in three weeks. We need to make sure we get some good roles.”

“AKA the leads?” Asmo eyes went to look at you as you were on the floor.

“Obviously. We made a promise to ourselves at the start of the semester that we were going to make a name for ourselves. Distractions aren’t needed,” You said.

“To you! I need the luxury of having a pretty distraction Y/N,” Asmo responded. “It helps me feel light as a feather.” He lets out a giggle before grabbing his phone to text.

You let out a sigh at his words before standing up, “I’m going to go grab something to drink and a snack, you want anything?”

Your question wasn’t answered due to Asmo instantly answering the phone call. A devious smile on his face before he pressed the phone to his ear. You assumed it just was one of his prettiest flings during the semester. When you exit his room, you walked towards the staircase to go towards the kitchen. The house was quieter than usual for a late Friday night. You assumed that the other brothers were either locked up in their rooms or indulging in something devious during Diavolo's frat parties.

Each step you took the floorboards creaked under you, so anyone that was also in the kitchen would hear someone coming. Which just your luck, you entered the kitchen to be met with Mammon. The streetfighter had his back turned away from you as you slowly walked inside the kitchen. The sound of the microwave started and soon he let out a relaxed sigh as he placed a bag of frozen vegetables on his bruised side. You could smell the familiar scent of the food he was warming up. Your eyebrows knit together as you finally made your presence known in the kitchen. "Beel is going to kick your ass for eating his Thai food."

A terrified yelp escaped Mammon's mouth as he turned around frantically to face you. "Don't sneak up on me like that! How long have you been standing there watching me?"

"Long enough to know you're eating Beel's food. Did you ignore the threat on the container?" You questioned as you looked him up and down.

You now were able to get a full view of his bruised body. The purplish color bruise on his rib cage looked horrendous, more horrendous than the way your feet looked when breaking in new ballet shoes. He had a piece of paper towel shoved up one nostril and a small cut above his eyebrow.

"Sorry, can't hear you over the sound of the microwave." He said jokingly before he's turning around to open the microwave to grab the food.

You rolled your eyes before you're grabbing a bottle of water to drink out of the fridge. You knew you should have just left the conversation right then and there, gone back upstairs to Asmo, and call it a night. However, you still found yourself switching your weight from one foot to another watching him. You knew he felt your gaze when he looked up from the food, "I'm fine if that's what you're wanting to ask?"

"Uh—yeah, glad to know that. But your ribs lookin' fucking horrible," You commented. You could tell he was in pain even though he tried to mask it out with some smirk.

"I'll be good." Mammon shrugged it off so casually.

"You should go to the hospital, it could be serious." You commented.

"Why'd you care so much?" Mammon uttered through mouth fulls of food as he watch you prompt yourself on the counter.

"We're friends.." Your voice trails off slowly. You weren't even sure that was true.

You heard Mammon's snicker before he swallowed his food, "Friends don't fuck like we do, but okay." He commented as he looked at you.

Your face grew hot when you heard him say that. "We don't do that anymore." You said as you took a sip from your water.

"Why though?" Mammon questioned. "It's not like you didn't enjoy it," He answered.

"Because you got attached. I told you not to and you did just that."

You watched as he sipped from the Lemon Lime Gatorade he had in front of him. "Aww come on, you can't use that against me." He said as he looked at you. His body leaned against the marble counter that was in the center of the kitchen.

"Why can't I?" You asked. You watched as he stood up waltzing over the kitchen counter to be close to you. "You know I have important priorities right now, I don't have time for this. So yes, I'm using it against you."

Mammon rolled his eyes at you before he took the space in between your thighs. His fingertips trace alongside your side and down to the inside of your thighs. A dangerous shiver traveled down your spine after he touched you. "You know you're just too addicting. Of course, I was going to get attached."

You could smell the scent of the soap he used to shower with the dash of his Burberry cologne you were a little too familiar with. "Why wouldn't I when you rode me so well on some nights? Sucked me off even better on some mornings before class. I'm sorry, I can't help it." Mammon takes a couple steps back from you.

However, you grabbed a hold of the waistband of the sweatpants he wore tugging him back. He always had this thing where he thought he had control in the slightly odd relationship you two had, but you always were one step ahead. "So, what would it take for you to stop? I'm saying, stop with the texts, the phone calls, everything."

"It's not going to stop pretty girl. You know this because every phone call and text, you answer. You're just as attached as me." Mammon backfired.

Your silence to his comment caused his lips to curl into a smirk. "Cat got your tongue?" He asked as he looked down at you.

"I'm being dead serious Mammon," You responded. Your hand motioned to the two of you, "This has to stop. I have a really important audition coming up and I refuse to let you get into my head for me to mess up," You responded.

You heard the white-haired male in front of you kiss his teeth before he was speaking once again, "How'd you think I feel?" Mammon asked.

"You're a huge distraction in my field of work too. You think I don't think about you before a fuckin' fight?" Mammon asked.

Now, the both of you couldn't help but stand in silence at each other's words. "Just one more time and that's it." was the last words you told Mammon before you were in his room.

Your pajama shorts and tank top are scattered across the floor alongside the sweats and boxers Mammon wore. Your moans hiccuped from the back of your throat as Mammon was thrusting his thick cock inside of you. His hips moved at a rhythmic pace but he let out a low hiss when he felt the abrupt pain near his ribs.

When Mammon lifted up slightly from his face being buried in the crook of your neck, he notice the look of worry that lit up in your eyes. "You okay? We can stop." You said as your hand went up to wipe the white strands of hair out his face.

"I'm okay," He mumbled before he's leaning down to place a kiss on your lips to muffle any concerns about his wellbeing. His hips resuming to pushing forward to feel closer to you. The feeling of your cunt clutching around him caused him to feel dizzy. On a regular evening, he would chalk that up with him just hitting his head on the mat in the octagon-shaped ring one too many times. However, tonight for some reason he felt so drunk for the woman below his bear body.

His lips pressed subtle kisses on your jawline before his face disappeared in the crook of your neck getting a whiff of your scent. Which was now not only mixed with your sweet scent of perfume, but with a hint of the scent of him. "Don't push yourself too hard, I don't want to hurt you." You moaned his ear.

Mammon lifted up, detaching himself from you with a quickness. He pulled himself out of you causing a chill to scatter down your spine. "You're not going to hurt me." He uttered.

You could feel the tip of his cock brushing against your folds that glistened with your own slick. Your eyes watched closely as Mammon took his hand to guide his cock up and down your puffy lips. Teasing you bit by bit until you were soaking for him to put it back in. "Mammon, please stop teasin'." She begged.

"Just savoring the moment doll, this is the last time right?" Mammon asked you.

The feeling of his thick mushroom-shaped tip tapping at your throbbing clit caused you to moan. Your hands going up to cup your bite-marked decorated (courtesy of Mammon himself) breasts and toying with your swollen nipples.

The sight Mammon was watching, he could feel his body go through some form of a heatwave. His tanned skin heated up so quickly, that he felt like he was about to cum just by the sight of you. He let his teeth graze at his bruised lip before bottoming down once again inside you. This time hooking his strong arms under your knees in a lewd mating press position. His hips were driven forward so harshly—his wooden headboard was banging against the wall. He hoped that Satan whose room was next to his wasn't home. Just so his brother wouldn't come knocking on the door begging for him to keep it down because frankly, Mammon wasn't going to stop. Actually, he didn't want to stop. He didn't want to stop until you were a cumming mess below his battered body.

"Fuck—you feel so good baby," Mammon groaned out. His hips propelled forward with each time he felt your cunt pulse around him.

"Mam, please—it's too much," You hiccuped through moans even though your feet were thrown over his shoulders and your hands went down to his waist to halt his movement, you still ached for more. "I'm goin' to—cum."

"You can handle it," Mammon assured as he looked down at you. "I know you're so close for me, let me make you feel good this last time."

You only nodded at his command before your thoughts were clouded with the sweet tune of Mammon's groans. It was wonderful hearing his words of praise. From how much he cared for you to how good you felt around his cock. He was as close to cumming, as you were.

After a couple more strokes, you felt Mammon grip the oak brown headboard above your head. The words of him stating he wanted to savor every moment lingered in your mind as you got an idea. You wrapped your legs around Mammon's waist completely locking him in. You watched as his eyes grew big, but his thrusting did not stop.

"Savor the moment Mammon." You mumbled before you tugged him in a kiss just in time for the two of you to cum. You could feel his hot cum fill you up to the brim, his thrusts growing sloppy as his cum coated his cock with ease before he's pulling out of you slowly.

You felt Mammon's body plop down next to yours, the two of you breathing heavily and enjoying each other's silence.

"Gosh, you're so fucking addicting," Mammon said out loud.

TAGS — @l-ovey @ickyism @hidansdarling @yooniluvbot444 @scholarlogy @kewrai @asmos-pet

[yaboymercury]

When your friend had suggesting hiking you were doubtful. But when he implied that since it was gonna be a hot day so he'd be topless you couldn't refuse. You wish he'd told you before you agreed however that it was a desert canyon hike.

Yes you're friend was hot to look at but even his glistening sweaty body and thick ass barely covered in shorts ahead of you was enough to distract you from how fucking hot the desert was.

After even he started to struggle you both luckily agreed upon a little cave off the path to enjoy the shade and cool off.

"Whoo, I knew it would be hot but fuck!" He fanned himself as you nodded in agreement not trying to expend too much energy.

"I mean look at me I fucking radiating light with the amount of sweat I've made." He took a sniff of his pits and recoiled as he posed towards you. "Fuck I'm radiating something else too!" He chuckled.

Even in the sweltering heat you still ended up staring and your cock still stiffened.

"Shit.." Was all you managed to reply. You'd only been friends for a short while and this was the first time he'd offered to hang out the two of you, and with your developing crush you'd leaped on the opportunity.

"Anyways you hungry? I made bean dip!"

"Bean dip, on a hike in this heat? Are you mad?!" This confusion at least gave you some energy.

"Hah well more for me!" He grinned as he pulled a sizable tub of the dip out of his satchel and a bag of chips. As you watched trying not to feel nauseous at the sight, he smiled as he crunched. "Whew you're gonna start wishing you took some of this off of me!"

"What do you-"

PHHHHHHHRRRRRRAAAARRRRRPPPPP

He lifted up a cheek in your direction and the sweaty flatulence spewed out onto you. You throat was already vulnerable and dry but now it was being burned by a sulfuric stench.

"Hah have you not been acquainted with my booty bombs yet?" He snickered

"Apparently not." You raspily replied trying to waft away the fatal fumes.

He paused his consumption of the half-gone bean dip and sprung up twisting his ass in your direction. "Legend has it all the butt bombs are what keeps it so big." You couldn't help but ogle it even if it was dangerously close to you.

FFFFFRRRRRAAAAAPPPPPTTTTT

The meaty stink began to make you gag and if anything the heat made it worse with the stench being sweltering. He took a big whiff of the gas. "Phew doesn't smell like my butt's getting any smaller though!"

BBBBBBBRRRRRRAPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTT

He took another sniff, "Whew definitely getting stinkier though!" You were really struggling now, even if you were getting to look at his glorious ass, the plentiful gas was making you feel dirty and weak. He looked back at you a little worried.

"Shit man, sorry I forget how bad they are for newbies." He turned around and grabbed you some water which you downed in a heartbeat.

"It's fine." You spluttered weakly, with the effect the heat and the stink had on you, you didn't sound convincing.

"Nah man I'm sorry, and sorry it's so hot today shouldn't have dragged you out." He quickly scooped the rest of the deadly dip into his mouth in one messy chomp. Still chewing he offered his finger winking cheekily again. "Pull my finger and I'll carry you back to the car?"

That caught your attention. "Really?" You said with a bit more strength in your voice. He just poked his finger out further smiling a little flirtily. You couldn't resist, who cares if the farts killed you if you died on his strong back you'd at least be happy. You pulled and he grunted.

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMPPPPPPPPPPP

The heated fart seemed to echo all around the desert blowing sand up behind him with his expression of ecstatic relief. Even if it wasn't facing you the stench easily trailed over to your damaged nostrils making you cough a little more but you at least got to appreciate the sight of the man in his orgasmic relief. As the fart climaxed and the stinky blast started to die down he eventually turned around to let you climb onto his sweaty back, you tried desperately to will your boner down so it wouldn't poke him but you weren't even trying that hard anymore.

You may your head into his back as he started effortless walking laughing a little. "Whew gonna have to meet up again to build up your resistance, and don't worry about the journey back to the car even if their is some turbulence!" You felt him pause and jutt his ass out.

FFFFFFRRRRRRUUUUUUMMMMTTTTT

-

ko-fi if you wanna tip or make a commission

[kingsuckjin]

Season of the Witch- TEASER

☾ Pairing: love triangle Taehyung x jimin x reader

☾ Genre: yandere, smut, horror, thriller

☾ Rating: 18+

☾ Warnings: STALKER SHIT, Tae is insane and has really dark and obsessive thoughts about Jimin, there’s some sexy stuff in here too, hints towards make oral sex and just sex, violent themes I guess and hits of murder.

☾ Summary: all Taehyung ever wanted was Jimin, and he had always done whatever it took to stop whatever or whoever got in his way, you were going to be no different. Surely Jimin didn’t love you as much as Taehyung loved him… right?

"So," Jimin sucked in a deep breath from across the table of the diner and nervously adjusted in his seat before looking across the table at his best friend. He wondered why he was so nervous, why he was dragging this out, why he thought Taehyung wouldn't understand.

"So, you brought me here to talk about something?" Taehyung cleared his voice, doing his best to try to hide his own nervousness and butterflies mixing in his stomach as he played with a little pink packet of sugar on the table.

"Since you're my best friend and I want you to know what's going on in my life..." Jimin's eyes flickered to his melting vanilla milkshake he no longer cared about. He felt like he needed to look at anything but Taehyung, just in case he had the same reaction as last time, although that was years ago when… Jimin refused to let his mind go back to it.

Taehyung bit at his lip and put down the sugar packet he had been playing with upon hearing Jimin's words. He looked down at the little chipped places in the diner table, chipped at by time itself. He knew now what was coming, and it wasn’t what he had wanted to hear… it wasn't going to be anything close to "I love you". He braced himself for the impact, heart ready to shatter into his ribcage and start sobbing in front of Jimin.

"I've- I've met this girl…" Jimin floundered at first, but the rest just slipped out of his mouth naturally as if he had been born to say these words "she's the one, Tae."

Jimin's sentence had come out in slow motion for Taehyung, as if the world wanted to drag this out just to hurt him more. Although Taehyung knew it had been coming seeing as Jimin had been quite distant recently, just like before, it still left Taehyung swallowing down the pain. A sad whimper too high and soft to be his own partially escaped his throat before Taehyung caught it, cut it off, and drowned it out by clearing his throat. He could feel how wide his eyes were, he felt his pulse quicken and blood heat to an uncomfortable level under his skin. He wanted to crawl out of his own outter flesh and slink away unnoticed by the man sitting across from him. He didn't know what to do, but he had to say something, so said the only thing he could think to say.

"You sure?"

"I'm sure." Jimin confirmed with a nod "you- you aren't going to say what you said last time?" Jimin furrowed his brows with worry.

Taehyung had been through so much with Jimin last time he had uttered these words to him. Jimin should've known better than to go and do this again, Taehyung shouldn't have to warn him again, Jimin should be scared, he should be too scarred to do this to Taehyung again. But would Taehyung say all of this to his friend? No. Warning him of the future heartbreak didn't work last time, it only made Jimin push Tae away and he wasn't about to make that mistake again… he didn't have to, this time around he was prepared, it would be easier now.

"Of course not." Taehyung sat up straighter in the diner booth and watched Jimin's surprised reaction. "It was wrong of me to say all of that last time, especially after what happened."

Jimin's face fell into a pout for a moment as he remembered but pushed it out of his mind. It still hurt him, but now at least he had you.

"You deserve to be happy and you deserve someone." Taehyung forced the best smile he could as he wished that someone was him. He had always wished that someone was him, ever since the both of them had been in high school. Taehyung said a silent prayer every night that one day Jimin would just come to his senses. Taehyung's mind drifted away to the time where he thought Jimin was almost his, the night it was so close he could taste it, he did taste it, he could still taste Jimin's sticky smooth peach schnapps flavored lips and tongue on his.

"-she's such a good dancer too. I can't wait for you to meet her." Taehyung had only caught the tail end of Jimin's rambling. Jimin's smile and enthusiasm when talking about someone that wasn’t him made that warmth in his veins turn into a fire in his stomach, Taehyung was angry. The muscles in hands clenched to try to hold himself together. His hands had felt so tight that they ripped the packet of sugar he had open that he hadn’t realized he had picked back up off the table.

Taehyung looked down at the little pile of sparkling sugar on the table that Jimin ignored as he went for a drink of his milkshake. He watched as his friend's lips wrap around the straw and thought about how perfect they would look and feel if they were wrapped around his-

Taehyung let his eyes fall back to the sugar on the table but that was no help either. He now thought about Jimin's lips coated in the tiny crystals, kissing him, tasting sweeter than the night they almost- Taehyung was sure he'd have a breakdown right here in this diner if he didn’t stop thinking about that night.

"How's the art stuff coming along?" Jimin decided to ask, he hadn't heard Taehyung talk about painting in a while now. He knew it had been Tae's favorite hobby since they were teenagaers, and he was good at it too.

Art stuff. Taehyung knew he didn't care about it, he didn’t even pretend to. Jimin didn't come to the first and last art show his paintings had been featured in. It was a disappointing blow to Taehyung, so disappointing that he gave it up.

"Yeah, I've been exploring other hobbies lately and haven't had time for it. Work and stuff too has been keeping me busy." It wasn't a lie, it was the truth, however Tae wasn't about to start naming his new "hobbies" Thankfully he didn't have too, Jimin's phone went off.

"Oh! Oh man, It doesn't feel like we were here that long does it? I've got to be at the dance studio in fifteen minutes." Jimin couldn’t help but smile as he said it, anytime he mentioned or thought of the dance studio at all now he couldn’t help but smile.

Jimin quickly held his hand up to flag down a waitress but Taehyung stopped him.

"I've got it, you're in a rush." Taehyung urged.

"Are you sure?" Jimin questioned "I'm the only one who ordered anyt-"

"It was just a milkshake. Just head out." Taehyung urged once again, forcing a boxy smile.

Jimin thanked his best friend with a cheerful crescent moon eyed smile that Taehyung would die to see everyday.

Once Jimin had left Taehyung grabbed a napkin from the napkin holder and in the blink of an eye, had stolen the straw from Jimin's half finished milkshake. Under the table, he wiped the excess milkshake from the straw, careful not to touch the end Jimin had put his lips on, and tucked it into his small bag he had brought along with him before flagging down a waitress and paying the bill.

Once Taehyung had gotten out to his car, what Jimin had told him began to catch up with him and really sink in past his bones and into his soul.

Jimin now had a girlfriend.

"Fuck." Taehyung muttered to himself and let his head fall onto the steering wheel. Was this it? Was it all too late? Taehyung should’ve been faster about making Jimin love him.

"FUCK FUCK FUCK!" He let out as he slammed his head against the wheel a couple of times, anger and disappointment radiated through his body.

This wasn't supposed to happen, it wasn't supposed to be like this ever again. Taehyung thought he had taught Jimin a lesson, that lesson being he shouldn't love anyone but him.

Taehyung was protecting Jimin. He was protecting him from his own self, not just from the heartbreak. He knew Jimin's heart was filled with warmth and love that he wanted to share, but why couldn't he just share it with Taehyung? Taehyung, the best friend who was always there for him. Taehyung, the man who strived to be everything Jimin wanted. Taehyung, who would, has and will kill for the man he loves.

Taehyung didn't know what you looked like yet, but he imagined the satisfaction of taking you down just like the girl before you.

He felt a smile grow and spread across his face.

He knew shouldn't be worried, it would be easier this time now that he's getting the hang of this black magic thing. It could be as easy as stomping an ant.

A laugh sounded throughout the quiet car and only grew louder and heavier the more he thought about your death.

Taehyung knew that in the end all you were would be another lesson, another reason for Jimin to never get close to anyone ever again, only him. It would always only be Taehyung, and he figured Jimin would have to learn that eventually.

[justalost4girl]

" If anything can go wrong, it will."

Good night!! (Here it's still night :p )

A few weeks ago I said I would do a oneshot Lorraine Broughton x F! Reader, but it got too big so I decided to follow the initial idea and turn it into a mini series. I have two chapters written and I'm going to post them here and in Ao3, I think there will be 3 or 4 chapters in total, but I'm not sure yet.

English is not my first language, so all mistakes are mine.

Enjoy!!

warnings: mention of violence, R cursing, forgery of documents (?)

Words: 4573

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1989

Berlin, East Side

You feel in your bones, when you wake up, the consequences of last night and think that the famous Murphy's Law decided to test you. On this side of the wall few things go right, but having an order in your head two days after joining STASI's wanted list proves that nothing is so bad it can't get any worse. Courtesy of a dumb customer who messed with the wrong people and thought revealing where you find your customers would be enough information to escape death. The Local Gang (or Angels, as they call themselves) loves to eliminate competition from the market.

Now he's dead and you have to deal with the STASI AND the Local Gang (you refuse to call them Angels).

The local fucking gang that sent a team of idiots to break into your favorite bar and made you run out the back door before meeting a customer who was going to pay well. The local fucking gang who must be pissed that you shot the six dumbest members you've ever had to face in your life. No really fatal shots, but of course that won't matter as they do business with the KGB.

Sometimes you want to ignore the rules you've made for yourself, especially "never kill someone unless it's in defense of yourself or someone you love", but you think killing six agents who don't have the ability to set up an ambush of success would be a great waste of bullets. Now you know you're going to have to leave town soon and you have no idea how to break the news to your brother/partner, how do you honorably abandon a war before it's over?

Damn Murphy's Law

You know you need to sort this out, but you refuse to stay in bed crying over what's already written and decide to leave the wonderful Egyptian linen sheets you got from your favorite client last month to face the world and it's impossible to face the world without a good amount of coffee. After a quick shower with a cup of Blue Mountain in hand, your newest addiction, you sit in a robe in a nice armchair, look out the window at dying Berlin and thank heaven for the comfortable life you've earned by working with one of the greatest smugglers on this side of the wall, perhaps from all over Germany. Some desperate customers offer you valuable items from them in exchange for passports and unlike your idiot “brother”, you don't have a rule about only receiving cash. Almost everything here comes from gifts, from the sofa, pictures, bags, clothes and even some books on your shelf. You don't even remember buying that cup, or the coffee set, for gods' sake.

If he saw you now he'd complain about being soft with customers and say something about how items aren't a bargaining chip in the real world, you'd get into a tiresome discussion about enjoying the finer things in life and how bills don't compare in the importance of yours. silver chain with moon pendant that was once an amulet for more than three generations for a French family.

At the end of the day, Merkel has a large information network and an office that takes up half the block, where she keeps as much money as she has secrets, and you have a house decorated by other people where each object symbolizes someone you've helped.

Four walls don't make a house

The thought takes away some of the almost peace you feel and you decide to finish your coffee before it gets cold.

After a quick glance at the calendar you remember about the march that will take place in Alexanderplatz square and decide to go scream for Germany one last time, hopefully you'll be able to hide long enough to see the fall of the damn wall that divides this country. It's not your country, not really, you don't even like to remember how you got here, but the experiences you gained wouldn't be exchanged for anything, not even for an original Van Gogh. Also, Merkel asked you to go and bring a black umbrella, the reason was not explained and you didn't feel like asking, sometimes you think Gordon Merkel is not his name, but how to judge the man who is your only family in this end of the world? You smile when you remember that he shouldn't have an umbrella with a story as cool as his and decide to piss him off for it.

Your phone rings, and you notice you've lost track of time. Merkel was helping a blonde woman named L, he didn't give you more details other than a few stories about how she was a perfect and dangerous assassin that you should keep your distance, as few people know how to deal with her. You thought he overreacted, but you had to take over some business from him while she was in town. She seemed important considering the way he told you about her and you knew better than to deny help to the person who always supported you and declared himself a brother, you trusted him because not even the best agent in the world could fake so much sincerity and affection in claiming this title for himself.

You reach out, pick up the phone, and decide to answer it. “Hey little sister, how are you out there? I called to say that everything is fine for dinner today, but there was a mishap and the wine ran out, bring the best Bordeaux you have, I'll return the courtesy as soon as possible." A code, of course.

He needs your services ASAP. Wine is a passport, Bordeaux means two elements, courtesy involves a child.

You can combine business with pleasure "Hi brother. I'm looking forward to today, I'll take the best wine I have, don't worry. I already know how you can thank me. I need to clean the house and go to the office first, but I'll be there on time. wait for me." you say in a voice that oozes normalcy, you never know when someone's listening on the phone especially now that you're a fugitive, disgraced customer. Your body sinks into the armchair noticing the oncoming cloud of worry

Merkel now knows you need his help, as cleaning the house means getting away and going to the office shows you're in a hurry.

"Alright, do you want me to send the driver?" He asks like he's not freaking out and offering the bloody job of one of his mercenaries

“No, bro, thanks, I know the way.” You say as if you really have an escape plan besides getting a fake passport, emergency backpack and all the money you can find.

“See you later, don't forget the wine. Are you sure you don't want the driver?" You wonder if he has forgotten that knowing the way literally means everything is fine

“Relax, see you later” It takes a few seconds for him to hang up and you can hear his sigh.

He will be SO pissed.

You put the phone down as you get up to gather the passport forgery materials and put them in a briefcase. Your cookbook is already there along with some banknotes from different countries. As you pick up the black backpack of standard clothes and accessories that always waited for you in the corner of the door, you decide to wear the first jacket you bought, the dark blue jeans, the combat boots you got from a skinhead, the wristwatch you bought. you got for your brother's birthday, thick leather gloves and a thin white shirt that matches the rest of your outfit. After all, if you can die when you open the door, then die well dressed. Be sure to keep the Colt 1911 around your waist and the Russian dagger around your ankle, after yesterday you never know, Your pocket watch with the coat of arms of the Brazilian imperial family indicates that 15 minutes have passed since Merkel's phone call

You take one last look at the house you've been so proud of in recent years, snap a photo with the Polaroid you've won, and, with a bittersweet smile, close the door. One day when the wall comes down, the government changes and your face is forgotten, you can come back here, until then you will have to make do with the photo album you keep in your backpack and this photo.

Putting on your sunglasses, you arrive on the street and decide to take a taxi on the other corner, make sure you look around before leaving your home, no one knows your address, but you can't be sure the local gang is so stupid to the point of not following you after last night.

Getting a taxi was relatively easy. Neil, the driver, thanks to the boots, mistook you for a revolutionary and talked for 10 minutes about how he hoped he could take down the wall with his bare hands, you thought it was cool, but as you passed the big river that was just a few blocks away from the your brother's office, you couldn't hear a word from him.

A sign signaling that the river was closed to visitors made your eyes fill with tears. You used to go there when the day was bad, spread a blanket in a corner and watch the stars, or just laugh at the distinct reflection the water made of the moon and stars. Merkel accompanied you on anniversaries, justifying them as bonding experiences. After some freaks started swimming in the river and executions increased, STASI took over and you replaced the dark water for the restaurant's bright lights. But seeing it tightly closed gave him a feeling of anguish and rancor. You would silently curse the wall builders for the rest of the trip.

Neil seemed to notice but didn't comment on it, you thanked him, wiped your tears and left a good tip as you descended a block away from your final destination. This time you didn't need to look around because even though Merkel was super busy, he made sure to leave some security close to where your landing place was.

A tall man dressed in a red T-shirt approached you and hugged you as if he hadn't seen you in a long time. You've known him since the beginning of last year, when he arrived at Merkel's office begging for a job, and from the first moment the way he turned grief over his brother's death into a thirst for revolution made you admire the young man. The two of you walked through the great gate hand in hand as you asked about his life with genuine interest, and Klaus increasingly believed in Merkel's theory about you having such a pure heart that you didn't care about motivation or the number of lives they took, your explanation of the judgment not being your responsibility, crossed the man's head before he escorted you to the main office.

You thanked him with a smile, opened the door and stood in front of the table in the windowless room, where your brother was already waiting for you.

"What the hell happened? Are you okay? I was about to send J to get you, please tell me what happened"—he said hurriedly as he got up and pointed at the couch for you to sit on. J was one of the most dangerous women in the building and you were grateful for not wasting her time.

Putting your backpack and umbrella aside, you answered:

"I'll explain later, little brother, now let me help you. You need passports urgently, don't you?" Yes, you were stalling and postponing the conversation. He'd call you an idiot for going out on the street right after you got on the wanted list, and he'd feel guilty when he found out why you didn't tell him. Merkel wasn't going to understand that her fear of failing him was no one's fault but yourself.

Your sentence seemed to give him some responsibility back, but still, as he held out a glass of water for you, his eyes met yours with a glint that warned that this conversation was far from over.

"Yeah, I really do, but don't think I'm going to forget about it. Let's talk when this is all over. Even if it's the last thing I do today."

You accepted the glass with a bit of trepidation and stood up towards the large center table while opening the briefcase with the supplies you were going to need, if Merkel noticed the bills he didn't say anything. Once at the table, you made two passports for mother and daughter in record time. According to the clock, 10 minutes passed, faster than a car, this deserves a celebration. It would have been six if Merkel hadn't been so curious to make you waste time pulling your watch out of your pocket just for him to analyze.

Everything was going well and there was only one last detail for mother and daughter to be taken by one Percival to the other side of the wall. Percival, according to Merkel, was strange and fickle. Unreliable and extremely dangerous, you should also keep your distance from him, as this man had crucial contacts on both sides of the wall.

"He must have fewer contacts than you", you would answer

If a loud noise didn't break the silence

The annoying noise of the door creaking made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and you almost missed the last signature, it made your body vibrate with irritation and your eyes follow to the offensive source of the sound. A tall man with short hair and blue eyes was holding the doorknob with a military posture and before you could release your anger and explain something about how people shouldn't be violent inside Merkel's office you noticed he was accompanied by a woman.

AND WHAT A WOMAN!

Your eyes connected to a pair of fierce, intent green eyes, surrounded by a pale skin tone and hair so blond it looked like snow. The barely perceptible frown showed she was surprised to find someone other than Merkel there, yet she looked ready for a battle. You looked into her eyes again and nodded in acknowledgment, this must be L, the woman he was talking about.

She looked at you suspiciously, but also as if she could see into your soul, and what must have been frightening, you found endearing. A few stories of murders orchestrated by her crossed your mind, but all you could imagine is how beautiful she must be when she's mad.

They say green eyes darken when we're high on adrenaline, does that happen to her?

Her analysis of the intriguing blonde ends when she notices that the man accompanying her has raised his voice and from his furious expression, it's not the first time he's repeated the question. You interrupt him before you hear him and make sure to direct the ghost of anger before him:

"Have you lost your mind? Who walks into the office without knocking? Surely you should be here asking about passports, but if it weren't for my experience and steady hands, they would be in the trash by now. Learn to be civilized. You're under two paws not four, so act human and not animal" you say in an explosive but articulate tone to make sure he understands what you say. Sometimes when you speak fast, you are betrayed by faulty diction. Not today. Today you want this man to feel every fiber of irritation that went through his body.

Hearing Merkel holding a nervous laugh, you try to relax, but judging by the cold, almost murderous look of the man in the doorway, you've definitely gotten yourself in trouble. Looking at the organized clothes, you notice it's an old police uniform, probably taken by your brother, and unless Merkel has hired new employees, you've never seen it around here. His eyes snap back to his and something inside you warns that this must be Percival. He probably wants to kill you.

Damn Murphy's Law

A brief silence settles in the room and you shake off the fear and turn away, refusing to play the glaring game with a man who almost spoils your art. On other days you might look at him at a party, but today you want to make him swallow the ink on the stamp in his hands and invite the blonde to dinner

And it's her voice that breaks the silence.

You're flipping through the two passports for failures when she says

"Sorry, miss. My friend is an unprecedented idiot. Shall I close the door and knock again? Perhaps your highness too--"

You turn her body towards her when you hear the slightest hint of irony in her tone and interrupt her with a fake smile as you look into her eyes.

"It's not necessary, I accept your apology, Miss. I always said that Merkel should have someone armed at the door to remind everyone of the need to knock on the door. Anyone who didn't knock would lose his mind as the law of my reign says. Perhaps I should start. for him, since the top head is the last thing he wears lately" you joke look at Merkel who doesn't seem offended by the statement, shrugging you look at those blue eyes again and say "the passports are ready. Let's get out of here."

You close the passports, reach for your backpack and umbrella and start moving towards the door, both agents let you lead the way and judging by the blonde's expression, she's not used to being interrupted, nor is she used to seeing someone talking like that with Merkel, but today it was acceptable. You really think she's adorable, but you know better than to let someone make fun of you, especially in front of your brother who wouldn't let you forget about it. Either she doesn't care, or she's a great actress. Anyway, that idiot is still by her side and you refuse to be the reason for his possible laugh.

Her friend probably didn't have the same acting classes and his resemblance to the local gang members, like he's going to kill you in the blink of an eye in a cowardly way, is almost frightening. If Merkel hadn't said L is a woman, you'd be scared. It makes you shiver a little and look for Merkel, but he's not following you. Looking over his shoulder you see him putting a few more piles of dollars and euros into your briefcase. With a snap of your fingers you get his attention and before you walk out the door, you hear the briefcase click closing.

Once out of the room, you look around and realize that nothing has really changed, all faces are familiar, except for three people: a couple talking to a child. After a brief analysis you find yourself facing the passport clients, mother and daughter. The man doesn't look older than 60 and has kind eyes, almost as if he doesn't live on this side of the wall.

They don't seem to notice you

Your observation is interrupted by Merkel's loud, proud voice, right behind you. Here it comes

"This is Elizabeth Loyd and Percival, two trusted clients. Elizabeth and Percival, this is my little sister, she will be on the march today, if you need anything in the future you can talk to her."

Hearing her name, you notice that Merkel really wasn't creative at all. Who would use the initial letter of a surname as a symbol? Anyone who heard the stories about L and met a loyde who knows a Merkel would make the connection. As you turn around, you swallow your nervousness and try to put on your best smile as you say your name to them. The blonde woman who finally has a name, Elizabeth, leans closer, her eyes never leaving yours, and you wonder if she can feel the jumble of emotions that is unraveling inside you.

She smiles a smile that makes you sure she does and reaches out and greets you with a firm grip, if she noticed the sweat on your hands, she didn't let on. She also looks a little more comfortable.

Maybe because she noticed you said her real name, idiot.

You hate yourself for one second and the next you want to be without gloves because it feels soft and warm.

The man, Percival, comes next and looks at you suspiciously and the smile fades from your face, you wonder if no one else can smell the strong smell he gives off, a smell of cheap whiskey and arrogance. Still, he holds out his hand and this time you thank the gods for the gloves. Make sure you don't bow your head or fail in your posture. He still looks at you like you killed his son. Useless even to pretend, for God's sake.

Merkel watches the exchange from afar and nods to Elizabeth, she responds and Percival walks away looking uneasy. You look around uncomprehendingly, feel a little left out, and wonder which computer must have Tetris installed.

You would kill for a distraction right now.

Going out on the street in a crowded march while being chased by two groups still makes you sick.

Your brother approaches and extends his hands around you. You've missed him for the past few weeks. He still wears the perfume you gave him for his birthday and it makes you sink deeper into the hug. You know he's going to be mad when he finds out what happened so you enjoy as much affection as you can

"Little sister, in addition to our conversation I need to tell you something" his voice is low in tone and you doubt you would understand the words if you weren't so close to him "but I can't do that until the march is over. Meet me at usual table at the restaurant where we celebrate our achievements, It's very important"

His even low voice is charged with strong emotion and you are genuinely worried, Merkel has never been like this before.

"I'll do it, brother, I promise. Whatever it is, we can work it out together" you say with all the certainty you can muster in your voice, because you need him to understand that this is true.

You feel eyes on you and as you look up you notice that Elizabeth keeps an eye on your exchange with Merkel while talking to the little girl's father, from the distance she probably can't understand anything and you don't know if she celebrates or cares with so much attention received. A little further away is a Percival who pretends to be busy with the coat he's wearing. He also pays attention to your exchange, but his talent for discretion is as effective as his ability to open doors.

Your eyes return to the concentrated blue eyes that are in front of you and Merkel speaks in an almost inaudible way:

"When I whistle, I need you to raise your open umbrella and stay alert. The three people we're going to cross are very important, nothing can go wrong. But if it does, I'll be at the restaurant, whatever happens find me there."

Noticing the proximity of Percival and Elizabeth, you place your hand on your brother's shoulder and smile as you speak a little louder:

"Don't worry man, it's always a pleasure to help you. I'll leave my briefcase here, then meet you to get it. Good march."

Merkel shows that she understands his strange move and smiles, you greet some friends of his that you haven't seen in a while and as you head towards the exit, you meet a pair of deep green eyes. Elizabeth is gleaming in the cold lights that are refracted by the mosaic of the gate, she looks into your eyes, ever alert, looks at the object in your hands and nods her head with a half smile, do you think the guard's idea black rain was hers.

As you wave back, you can feel that a pair of eyes haven't left your back since the moment of your brother's embrace, as the old man is saying goodbye to the family, you know who they belong to and decide not to look for them. If the STASI, KGB or local gang find you, he doesn't own the pair of eyes you want to remember before you die.

Taking a deep breath, you walk through the gate and blend into the crowd.

..........................................................................................................................

After leaving Merkel's office block, you take a hat out of your backpack and wear your sunglasses as you look around, not that a local gang member is here but because if he sees you in disguise he will ask a series of questions and he has enough problems already, plus STASI must be monitoring this area and the last thing you want is to be arrested. You decide to tuck your coat into your backpack to change your look, and while internally debating your ability to ignore the cold, your eyes catch the almost snowy blond hair in the crowd.

This signals that they are already on the march and you decide to get a little closer to them, but make sure you do this without drawing attention to yourself since the nasty man is still there. Elizabeth is on your diagonal absorbing all the extraneous details that might be a possible threat, she seems so focused on the job of passing the owner's gentle eyes in a safe way that it makes you wonder how important he is and if she's noticed you.

A few meters later a familiar noise floats through the march and you open the umbrella almost instantly, as do other protesters.

Out of the corner of your eye you can see Percival taking the man's family across and sometime later Elizabeth does the same. You notice that her posture has changed and when she decides to stop for a better look, the crowd drags her and you can no longer locate her.

Her feet continue forward and as some signs are raised by the protesters, you try to find your brother. Unsuccessfully. You decide to trust their ability and hope that you can meet him again at the restaurant.

You also want Elizabeth to be okay.

Continuing on the march, after two or three long blocks you notice the familiar silhouette of one of the STASI bosses, he is watching the crowd as if looking for someone, but he doesn't seem to notice you. You notice observers on top of buildings and decide to leave the streets. Whether it's the Local Gang, KGB or STASI itself you don't know and decide you don't want to know.

Your brain tries to design routes to escape and your body mimics the movements of the closest protesters so as not to draw attention to you, but when some agents in black point in your direction and make space in the crowd, you run between people to seek shelter in somewhere you know and at every step you are sure that the day will be worse than you thought.

Damn Murphy's Law

[jaesvelvet]

aparecium — takata mashiho

warnings: grammartical errors

words: 1.8k words

pairing: hufflepuff headboy mashiho! + fem reader

notes: this is my first hogwarts imagine of treasure.... i hope you guys enjoy this!!!

You quickly close your thick black book as Professor Flitwick walks towards your table, hiding the book under the table, and practices the charms he has been taught for that day.

"Give it a flick, Y/N" Professor Flitwick said

"Ascendio" you point to the feather in front of you, lifting it.

Professor Flitwick nods, murmuring a good job to you before passing through you.

You sigh in relief the professor is cool unlike Professor Snape, he surely will take the books and read what you've been writing on in front of the class.

"Mashi! Help me" you look up to the person who calls Mashi or Mashiho. You smile as the boy in the yellow tie helps the boy with their spell. You head over heels towards the head boy of the Hufflepuff, in your eyes, he is like Ron Weasley to your Hermione Granger.

Mashiho is boyfriend material, he is head boy, teacher's pet, he is the seeker in Quidditch, and one of the students who take NEWT. Everyone knows it is hard to study for NEWT, and yet this boy takes the NEWT like it's nothing to him, nobody has ever seen him struggle studying NEWT. He is indeed Hermione number 2.

"Okay, class dismissed, for those who take NEWT, there's only a month left since your examination, I hope you are all prepared and of course you welcome to my office if you need any help" Professor Flitwick announce class about NEWT making you sigh. Yes, you are one of the students who take NEWT, at first you want to take O.W.L instead of NEWT but your mom said it will be great if you try to take the exam, and here you are struggling to get a good grade for your final year in Hogwarts.

You left the class and walk towards the library, it is your free time, you are willing to study for the upcoming exam than joining your friend watching Quidditch training.

You enter the library, feeling calm by the silence, you making your way to the potion section to study more about potions that you need to do on your examination soon.

You frown as you see the book you've been searching for is on the top of the shelf, you tiptoe to reach the shelf, but who are we kidding here? The top shelf is too high for you like in a usual k-drama scene, someone grabs the book you make you turn around, eyes getting bigger when you realized the person that helps you.

"Mashi?"

"You know, it's your last year in Hogwarts, why don’t you just cast Wingardium Leviosa?" he asks, handing you the book while showing you his sly smile

"Uh, we can't depend on everything on magic you know?" you answer

"I see, you're an independent girl," he said making you blush, you also didn't know why you're blushing at his word? Perhaps he talking to you while being this close making you shy?

"Uh, thanks? I guess?"

Mashiho laughs at your awkwardness

"You take NEWT too right? Why don't we study together?" he offers.

Now your brain is malfunctioning. Mashiho offers you to study together?? Is this not a dream? You mentally slap yourself and look at him again

"Sure, what do you want to study?" you ask

"Potion. I need to pass if I don't want to see Professor Snape's face again" he said making you chuckle, a teacher's pet tattle behind them? Impressive.

"Yeah me too," you said and he leads you to his usual spot.

“So Y/N tell me why you take NEWT?” he asks. You raised your brow to him, did he just... Underestimate you?

“Uh, don’t misconstrue my words. I'm just curious since almost all students at Hogwarts refuse to take NEWT and you take– you know what? Just ignore my question” he said, his face turns slightly red making you smile, you can’t be mad at him for too long, he is so cute! You just wanna pinch his cheek.

“Well my mom made me, and I thought it’s not hurt to give it a try” you answers

“Well, your parents must be proud of you for study hard, I admit this exam is so hard I felt like crying when I study the same chapter again and again,” he said

You are surprised to see he is openly sharing his thought with you, well you’re not that close with him and even his friends doesn’t know he is struggling to get a good grade.

“I heard a rumor that you never struggle at study but I guess it’s all wrong then”

“Well, I don’t think showing my struggle changes anything? I don’t even know who’s spread all the news, why don’t they just minding their own business?” he whines

“Yeah, true” you replied, and focusing on your book, but in your head, you already screaming at the top of your lungs because Mashiho is so cute when focusing on something. You were surprised you didn’t explode at this point.

+.*

A week passes since you and Mashiho’s studying together in the library, it was a good day because after that he offers you to eat dinner together with him. You couldn’t stop thinking about that day if only there's a spell to freeze time.

Secretly bringing out your thick black book, you open to the blank space and writes something on the page using invisible ink. There’s one thing you like about magic, you can do whatever you want without others knowing.

“Oi” your friend whispers to you, scrunching her face seeing you doing something else instead of brewing a potion

“What?” you whisper back, your hands still jotting something on the book

“Snape will kill you if he saw you do something else, you fool!” she slaps your hand, you roll your eyes, you didn’t prefer to study now because since morning you have class nonstop. You can't take it anymore all you need now is rest or a hot bath.

“Ugh fine,” you said and put your book above some random book.

A sigh comes out from your mouth and continues to brew your veritaserum— the truth serum for your NEWT, you lazily stir the potion that looks like water, you wonder if someone drinks a drop of this potion how much truth will they spill out? Since Professor Snape said that 3 drops of this serum are enough to make a person reveals their deepest secret, this potion is scary no wonder the process is difficult.

You heard a laugh from across your table making you look up, your exhausted body feels recharged by his laugh. Mashiho’s laugh, you smile seeing him joking around with his friends which later being scolded by Professor Snape, he noticed you look at him and wink at you.

You feel like time stop for a moment, did he just wink at you? Gosh, he really driving you crazy.

You break the gaze and focusing on your potion, frustrated by his wink.

Minutes later, Snape dismissed the class and Mashiho walks towards you

Why? Why is he coming here? You thought

“Y/N, you free this evening?” he asks

You slowly nod your head, although you don’t want to go anywhere and rather spent your day in your dorm, you still nod to his question like hypnotized by his gaze.

“Cool, so do you want to study together again? You great at potions, really” Mashiho said

You blushing. Again. You thought he must think you a fool, blushing for no reason.

“Ah yes I would love to!” you said

“So, I meet you at 5, in the library?”

“5 it is” you answers and take your books while smiling at him.

+.*

Your chest becomes tight as it becomes hard to breathe, you wander around your dorm, as you realized you take the wrong book! This black book on your bed is not yours. It fills with some charms and potions notes. Your book is empty— well not empty, it’s just written in invisible ink. But still, you feel nervous if someone cast an aparecium spell on it, which is a spell to reveal secret messages that are written with invisible ink.

You take the book and run towards the potion class, hoping the book will be at the last place you put it.

“Professor Snape” you pants, holding on your chest catching on your breathing.

“What did you want L/N?” he asks in a monotonous tone

“Did you see my black book here?” you ask

“Is your responsibility to take care of your things L/N. There’s nothing here” he said sternly

You mentally roll your eyes at him, he could say no and you don’t waste your time here and search for your book.

“Alright, thank you, professor,” you said and your looks at your watch it was already 5 pm.

“Oh shoot, Mashi must be waiting for me,” you said and running again to the library.

You assume you will die anytime soon if you keep running like this, you enter the library and catching your breath before approaching Mashiho at his usual place.

“Hey” he frowns when he sees your forehead cover with sweat.

“Did you run?” he asks

“Uh yes, I’m afraid if I'm late,” you said and wipe your sweat using your sleeve

Mashiho let out a chuckle

“I don’t mind waiting, you shouldn't run you could fall,” he said

You smile at him, you could feel butterflies in your stomach. How is he even real?

“Oh, before we start– um I think we exchanged books at potion earlier” he hands you the black book that you have been searching this entire evening

“Oh my, you’re life savior— wait how did you know this is my book?” you raise one brow to him, you didn’t write your name in this book unless...

“I’m sorry I didn't mean to cast that spell but I need to know who's this book belongs to! And when I saw my name on the first page I couldn't help myself but read...” he said, you could see guilty in his eyes

“I- I'm sorry, you just think that I'm creepy right?” now you realized how creepy if someone writes an entire book about you without your consent.

“No, I appreciate you noticed my details when I play Quidditch. No one ever notices my strategy for Quidditch, you’re the first one” he cracks up.

“Oh..” that’s the only words you could say, well the atmosphere is awkward right now!?!?

“Did you like me that much, Y/N?” he tease you

“Based on the book, it will be a lie if I said no,” you said

“Well, don’t worry because I like you too. I didn’t know how to approach you at first but luckily you can’t reach the top shelf” he said

You finally can look at him in his eyes. Well, this is one of the benefits to not use magic all the time, right?