#I really enjoy this photo of her immersed in her writing space

[i-want-my-iwtv]

December 3, 2023:

Dearest People of the Page. This is Christopher. In a little over a week from today this page will be marking the sad, two year anniversary of Anne's passing. While I've been moved by the response here to my sharing of personal recollections of my life with Anne, I'm curious to hear how you'd like us to mark this sad anniversary. Should it be a time for celebrating her legacy or would you prefer a more [somber] remembrance? Perhaps I should invite all of you to share your favorite quote from Anne's novels and I can share the posts to the main feed accordingly? And some of you might prefer we simply mark the day in passing and focus more posts and energies on days like her birthday and the anniversary of the publication of INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE. The tone and energy of this page is largely up to you as we bring her legacy forward. Meanwhile, plans for Anne's Celebration of Life in New Orleans are deepening and accelerating and we should have some more updates soon. In the meantime I'm sharing this photo of Anne from her office in our San Francisco home This would have been taken right around the time she was writing THE VAMPIRE LESTAT in the mid-1980's. Love, Christopher Rice

[deadlymodern]

Thank you for tagging me, @herpixels​​! 🌼

I'm not going to tag anyone specific because I literally wanna see everyone's take on this. So, please, if you want to, do it! 

I went a bit overboard, sorry 😗If you actually read it all, I will love you forever.

YOUR WRITING PROCESS 

Show us a part of your script or explain how you write your scenes. Do you write in screenplay format or novel format? Etc, etc.

I love writing in novel format but, for sims storytelling, I feel the need to write a screenplay.

I start by writing all the dialogue along with the action cues and setting descriptions. This helps me visualize how much space I will need for the characters, which and how many props will be necessary etc.

From the simple screenplay, I make a shooting script and a checklist. 

The shooting script is super helpful because it allows me to break my screenplay down into shots so I go in game already knowing exactly what I want from it. 

This will all sound like I think I'm some big shit but honestly... I just get brain farts WAY too often. So having everything kind of ready helps me remember little things like ADDING THE DAMN POSES INTO THE S4S for examples lmao.

SCENE BUILDING 

Show us you in the middle of scene building through pictures, gifs, or a video. Explain what is the best thing about scene building and what is the worst!

Scene/world building is 100% my favourite part of the whole process! 

I use a lot of references from the real world. The small coastal village of Brindleton is based on many places in England, mostly villages/towns in Cornwall and Devon. 

I enjoy looking for inspiration pictures on Pinterest and going on Google Earth tours, really LMAO.

Of course, there is only so much I can do with Sims to make it look realistic, but if you squint your eyes and shift your head, maybe? fjhgdfhjkg

I do the same for my residential lots and interiors. But interiors are a bit more fun for me because, besides not needing to worry about background extras, I can personalize the environment to my characters. 

CC/POSE MAKING 

Do you make your own cc/poses for your scene? If so, what is your process like to create? Do you just go off the top of your head? Do you use reference photos?

Nowadays, I make 98% of my poses. The remaining 2% is just me making some adjustments on pre-existing ones. I can't help it. I absolutely love seeing my visions come to life like this. 

I also enjoy making poses because I like giving my characters some distinguished body language. 

For example, Beth is the only character who slightly puckers her lips to the left. Usually, when she's thinking or when she's upset. It's basically the main part of her face - other than her eyebrows - that will give her true feelings away.

And Mary, on the other hand, is way less emotionally repressed. Any minor inconvenience will make her upper lips twitch upwards. She also pouts a lot more and has more eyebrow movements. 

Yes, I am a loser for paying attention to these things shhhhhhh.

Usually, I don't need anything other than an accessory or two. But lately, I've been LOVING to make recolours and convert objects into pose accessories. Whenever I have my script ready, I take note of what I will need for the scene in my checklist.

You probably don't even notice or care as much as I do, but still! They add much to the narrative imo and I feel like I'm giving depth to the characters by tailoring their accessories and the world around them. It's really fun for me!

GETTING IN THE ZONE

What do you do to get in the zone to work on a scene? Examples include: show us your playlist you use when working on a scene, what’s your go-to scene snack/drink, etc.

I have playlists on my Spotify for the main characters as well as one for the story. Beth and Mary's individual playlists are the ones I listen to the most and they are called Countryside Teacup and European Train Ride respectively because these are the vibes I get from the songs in there dslkfjsklfsd.

I also LOVE listening to instrumental playlists on youtube like this Cottagecore and this Royaltycore ✨massive points to you if you can find my comment on the royalty core video 🌚

I don't really snack while working on my story posts but I drink mate tea like CRAZY or, sometimes, I'll just have a beer to get my creative juices flowing ehe.

SCREENSHOTS FOLDER

Give us a look into your screenshot folder to show us just how much goes into ONE scene for your story. (Scrapped pictures encouraged!!!)

I never take too many screenshots with different angles because of my pre-planning! 

However, I do have, like, 10 to 15 repeated shots because I take some with DOF, some without, some with shadows, some without etc. And I'm always terrified of the screenshot not working, so I press the my hot keys like 5x jddjlkgd.

Here are some scrapped pictures from previous story posts:

CAPTIONS

Are you a caption on the picture kind of storyteller or captions in text box type of storyteller? Why? Do you do both?

I love doing the graphic novel format, with "speech bubbles" sort of. I personally find it immersive. But I also love and crave for the novel format, so I'll write a little "after scene" sometimes in the text box for extra depth ☺️

EDITING

Explain and show us your process editing a scene through a video, gif, or picture. A Before and after will suffice if you aren’t in the middle of editing a scene as you answer this.

Since I've done a few posts telling a bit about my editing - and, truthfully, not much goes into it - here is a before and after!

THROWBACK

Show us an ANCIENT story scene you done in the past and explain how you would do the scene differently today!

Okay, ANYTHING from my early simblr days is cringe worthy. The dialogue isn't good, the lighting is extremely yellow - due to my crappy laptop -, the outfits and the settings are all over the place, I--

I chose this one image because it was one of the first times I was doing a story post instead of just a gameplay update. I don't even have much else to add, just look at it jkljdfklgjdf. 

But I'm going to have plenty of scenes set in the past where I will get the chance to remake the school and dress my teen girls properly and I'm so excited. Like, making slate pose accessory excited fjdigjfido oh, boy.

[nossbean]

Exchange recs 🥳🥳🥳

I haven’t read too many of the @jaime-brienne-fic-exchange gifts this year and still have to leave comments but I wanted to rec a few from the marvellous things I’ve read!

dream deep heavy sleeper (dream light heavy heart) [book canon] this fic is so goddamn soft. The author tagged it as unlikely post-LSH fic and I am wilfully closing my eyes to that and choosing to believe in the softness! A 5+1 fic where Brienne deliriously wakes on the Quiet Isle, doubtful of the feeling that Jaime was with her, only to wake another night, non-deliriously, and discover it wasn’t just a dream. This is a quiet, contemplative, sweet fic, with such a tender touch for Brienne and leaning into the romance of the pairing whilst (I assert!) cleaving to a core of reality for them. There are such lush descriptions of their shared space in their little cottage: the soft light and the physical closeness. I loved it a lot, it’s been added to my list of comfort reads! (4k, T)

Where I Cannot Stand [AU] a Firefly fusion, aka a thoroughly fun adventure-romance space western, though I admit my favourite part by far is the Jaime voice...! This is a really warm and very funny Jaime, more settled than he often is, surrounded by a found family he’s carefully built, and then Brienne turns up transporting a mystery! Noble, stubborn, kinda idealistic, and a terrible liar with excellent musculature? How can he resist?? Another element I adore is the cast of characters: Jon, Satin, Oberyn, Ellaria and Jeyne Westerling. Jaime loves them all and they love him back, and again Brienne as the newcomer is warmly welcomed and in amongst the plot shenanigans is a very cute crew-tries-their-hand-at-matchmaking thread with, um, mixed (if adorable and funny) success. Even if you haven’t seen Firefly, the worldbuilding is accessible and clear. It’s a pacey romp which left me smiling! (12.5k, T)

Yours are the Sweetest [book canon] another post-LSH fic! I am... so into this author’s prose. To call it sparse is totally incorrect, but it’s got a stripped down quality to it which works beautifully for the story and accentuates both POVs in ways I really loved sunking into. In this story, Brienne must trade Sansa to LSH for the lives of Jaime, Pod and Hyle. An intriguing premise to start, which the author plays out so damn well. There are also a few questions left unanswered, which was a bold choice that works really well and is (maybe paradoxically?) very satisfying to read! Ahhh I’m fretting I’m not managing to convey what I want with this rec but I also feel it’s a fic that’s best just -- experienced…! It’s lingered in the back of my brain like a song since I read it. (8k, E)

Declarations of the Everyday Type [AU] This one is just... super adorable! Fluff to the max, a delightful soulmark AU whereby one soulmate can write on themselves and their soulmate then sees correspondingly on their own skin. An established, wonderfully domestic Jaime and Brienne utilize in the most them way possible (which is to say: very enthusiastic, a little wry, a little practical, and very sweet) There’s also very fun baking involved and very fun soccer rounding things out. The author conveys established part of their established relationship deftly, and the whole fic feels so comfortable and lived in. Short, sweet, marvellous, and another I’m looking forward to returning to for comfort reading! (1k, T)

False Knights on the Road [book canon] and another post-LSH (Really such spoils this year…!) that I enjoyed immensely! The author captured a lot of the book tone and characterization all whilst painting a portrait of Brienne and Jaime collecting wayward children on their journey and honestlyyyy I could not get enough of it. That said, it isn’t exactly a fluffy fic for all there are fluffy moment: it deals with the fallout of LSH between JB in ways which ring (and indeed, the author’s Jaime voice caught so many of book!Jaime’s ticks, I’d have been wondering GRRM but for certain stunning turns of phrase which George could never, with due respect) as well as picking up themes around war, per AFFC. I particularly love how Jaime and Brienne’s relationship unfolded throughout: carefully and slowly, and the themes the author explores for them were pitch perfect and made me ache in the best, bittersweet way. I’ve been thinking about the JB themes (honesty and acceptance and, of course, love and what it looks like for JB) and what the author does with them since I finished it several days ago. Rounding things out: the children…! The dynamics between everyone is so well drawn and interesting and frequently very sweet. I could have read another 25k very cheerfully (25k, T)

Queens of Love and Beauty [AU] this fic is fun and pacey and so swiftly immersive! When Jaime steps in at the last minute for a photo shoot, he’s brought into Brienne’s photo boutique. Delightful setting with lovely characterization and lovelier themes around asserting oneself for oneself. Also there’s a fab through-line about corsets which was very fun and I made audible noises when it played out because it was so satisfying! The author has a light touch mingled with great descriptions of clothes, and lovely character notes and beats. And the romantic tension between JB is very, very cute and wonderfully played. (6000 words exactly which is also very pleasing, T)

[doctorreids]

folklore - spencer reid x reader

CHAPTER FOUR - exile 

previous chapter | next chapter 

word count: 2.3k

a/n: so i thoroughly enjoyed writing this chapter so i hope you all enjoy! i’m the slightest bit worried that spencer is ooc but i’ll let myself lose sleep over that at some point. the donny hathaway song i’m referring to is this one - one of my favourite songs ever, so so so beautiful. reblogs, likes and comments are, as always very much appreciated - thank you for all the love so far x

“i can see you standin’ honey, with his arms around your body, laughin’ but the jokes not funny at all.”

It had been 3 months, 2 weeks, 3 days. He wishes he could recall the exact time but, for once in his life, he can’t.

There was life before Y/N and there was life with her, he never imagined that there would be a life without her; because if this is life…

The curse of having an eidetic memory is recalling every word, every glance, every silence, and every mistake. They filled his head every day, cacophonous and relentless.

He knows that 50% of couples break up then reconcile, he knows that this is more typical for unmarried couples to do. Yet, statistics do nothing to calm his frustration at himself. Statistics don’t tell him what he can do to fix what is broken.

There’s so much that he misses; her jumping at any chance to be with him, accompanying him to foreign film festivals, conventions, and anything he showed the slightest interest in. She would do anything for him, long before he ever called her his.

He’s still processing the depth of his loss. He had convinced himself for the first month that he could carry on and ignore the chilling cold of his bed at night or the loneliness of the subway journey home. By the second month, he could hardly look at himself. Now, three months on, the pain is so visceral, so real, that he cannot escape the crushing silence that surrounds him. No more quiet conversations on the jet, or laughter in the bullpen.

He wonders if her apartment feels just as empty as his.

He can’t help but let his mind wander to the conversation he overheard between Emily and Y/N in the bullpen - something about setting her up with a guy she knew from outside of work. He tried hard not to read into how reluctant she was accepting Emily’s offer or how defensive she looked when he went back to his desk.

What did he miss? Were there signs? Or did he, like he always did ignore the cracks as soon as they started to appear?

He didn’t want to think about someone else holding her, making her laugh, or being the reason for her smile.

It was dark outside, leaves littering the street, the rain pattering on his window. The sound of the occasional car passing by was the only sound that filled his apartment. Autumn was always his favourite season, it reminded him of change and growth, and when he first met her. It was cool that day, she was wrapped up in a royal blue knitted scarf and a soft brown worn coat - he swore to himself that he’d never seen anyone as beautiful before in his life.

He could barely focus on anything nowadays, from paperwork to books, everything was too difficult to confront. Sure, he’d been attending meetings, discussing his urges to numb himself from the world again. The beginning of his battle with addiction came before she did, it haunted him.

If he was being honest with himself, his addiction was the only thing he had fully confided in her.  She gave him all the understanding that, at times, his own chosen family didn’t give him. He didn’t resent them for it but it was frustrating.

He knew he immersed himself in work too often, the sea of paperwork and cases kept his head above the water that threatened to drown him. After all his years working for the BAU, he still didn’t know how to properly talk about what they witnessed. He tried to chalk it up to facts and probabilities, that evil exists in the world and all he can do is use what he knows to prevent it from happening again. But he couldn’t stop it from happening in the first place.

Despite how much responsibility he placed on his shoulders with his work, he questioned whether or not his career was what he really wanted. He’d promised he would find a cure for schizophrenia by the time he was thirty. Yet, here he is - alone, many a Ph.D. to his name but no overwhelming achievement.

He knew his first mistake was not telling her about how he was feeling. But he was angry, he didn’t know how to verbalise what was overwhelming him. Frustrated and choked up, he pushed her away. He kept telling himself that he felt suffocated, he was anxious that he would lose her to his job and he couldn’t prevent that. There was so much in his life that he couldn’t control.

His mother wasn’t improving, getting worse day by day, and all he could do was stand by and watch. He could write as many letters, call every day, and visit as often as he could but he couldn’t fix it. He couldn’t change what was happening.

He was surrounded by people he considered to be his family yet he felt alone. All the time. So, he pulled up his guard, plastered a smile on his face, and carried on. She would always go before him in his life, nothing could change that.

Work had been…tense. He knew from the start that the girls would be protective of her and he didn’t blame them - he knew that very next day when she didn’t reply to his texts or calls or when JJ told him to ‘give her space. His only other option was Derek and his advice wasn’t, at times, what he wanted to hear.

Derek told him to fix it actively but he wasn’t even sure what he was trying to fix. Himself or their relationship? Some big romantic gesture would win her back, he was told, but he knew she hated those. He tried bringing her favourite flowers, roses, but he would freeze up every time he got to her front door. By now, it wasn’t the season for roses and he was running out of options.

JJ, Emily, and Garcia never treated him any differently, he just felt exiled from their bullpen meet-ups. From the start, all he wanted was JJ’s advice. That night they all went out, he sat in her house with Henry, listening to him babble on about Aunt Y/N and Uncle Spencer.

He won’t ever forget the sad look JJ gave him when he left, underlying anger and bitterness in her voice when she bid him goodnight.

He can’t help but think that he had irreparably messed up.

“all this time, we always walked a very thin line.”

They always said that working together was more of a blessing than a curse, they were never without the other. They could read each other like the back of each other’s hand. Until one day, they couldn’t.

He wasn’t sure what switch flipped in his mind but his ability to be vulnerable with her and to open up completely was turned off. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t find the words to express what was going on in his mind.

Then again, neither could she. That connection between them was lost, there was this impenetrable distance between them now.

He couldn’t get comfortable in his chair, his glass of whiskey sitting beside his growing stack of books. He kept trying to find room for them but he just couldn’t bring himself to put them away - it reminded him of her apartment; books scattered on different tables, never on the shelf. It was the only trace of her left in his apartment.

His pillow no longer smelt of her, sweet and fresh. Her toothbrush was no longer sitting by his sink nor her shampoo in his shower. He’d taken down the photos, they were too painful to look at almost every day. Yet, he still kept that scarf she had left at his apartment after one of their dates, the royal blue one. Her perfume was fading on that too.

“you’re not my homeland anymore, so what am i defending?”

She had been quiet the entire car journey home, exhaustion clearly written on her face. Her brow was furrowed in thought.

“Penny for your thoughts?” He asked softly.

A slight smile flickered across her face for a split second. It went as quickly as it came, she was angry.

“I just want to get us home in one piece, Spence,” she snapped, “can you let me do that?”

“Sure.”

She wasn’t just angry, she was pissed.

By the time they got back to his apartment, she was tired, cold, and frustrated with him. He was equally as tired but grateful to be with her, alive and well. His run-in with the unsub resulted in an overnight stay in the hospital and minor surgery. Well, he thought it was minor. She clearly didn’t.

She didn’t stop for tea the way they normally would nor did she bother to leave the light on for him in the bathroom. She just crawled into bed without a word spoken to him since they’d gotten back to his apartment. In all honesty, he thought she was just going to drop him off then go back to her own home. He was surprised that she didn’t.

Lifting the covers, he slid into bed as silently as he could as not to wake her.

“What you did was really stupid, you know that?”

She was awake. He should’ve guessed.

‘I know.”

She sighed, turning to face him, “Spencer, I know our jobs don’t exactly meet safety regulations but you can’t play the hero all the time. I had to tell myself a long time ago, that you can’t save everyone. I know you, Spence. You’re a good man, brave and you have more courage in you than literally every other man that I’ve ever met and I love you for it. But you can’t keep doing this to me, to us.”

“Doing what?”

“Scaring us all half to death. You don’t remember me holding your hand while we waited for the medics. You don’t remember Morgan telling me that you’d pull through. You didn’t get to see everyone’s faces in the waiting room. But I remember it all, I don’t think I’ll forget it.”

He was stunned into silence.

“I could only think of the worst. How was I going to be able to tell your mother? How was I supposed to carry on knowing,” her voice broke and his heart shattered, “that I would never get to hold you again, or hear one of your many facts, or be able to explain how much you mean to me.”

“But, you didn’t have to-“ he started.

“I know. You’re alive and I’m so grateful. But if you ever pull a stunt like that ever again…”

His smile was sad, “I won’t ever leave you. You’re my home. I’d do anything to keep you safe.”

“And you’re mine too.”

“i think i’ve seen this film before and i didn’t like the ending.”

The memory echoed in his mind. He thinks about what could have been, the family he pictured them having. He knew, even though it was unsaid, she wanted a little girl. He couldn’t lie and say that he wouldn’t want to see a miniature Y/N running around. He always wanted his own kids ever since Henry was born and something inside him changed when he saw you holding Henry for the first time.

He saw his future before him.

Or so he thought. His dream disappeared when he heard his front door slam that night. He would give anything to take that night back. Take back the things that were said, the things left unsaid, and go after her.

By now, he thought he was too late. He witnessed the most perfect, the most precious thing he had in his life play out like a Shakespearian tragedy on the big screen. His heartache played like a movie he had seen far too many times before.

Maybe they were doomed from the start, their ending determined by fate. Something he only ever believed in with her.

“You can’t save everyone.” He couldn’t even save himself. He thought he was kidding himself when he thought he could ever win her back, too much time had passed, too much distance.

There were oceans between them, and for too long he was too scared to start to cross the vast space.

He stared at his now empty whiskey glass and out onto the street - the rain was heavier now. He had no idea what time it was, it was late. He wonders if she’s still up. If she’s sitting in that chair by her window, like he is, thinking about him.

His whole body aches for her touch. He aches to tell her everything, to apologise and to tell her all the small little things that have happened since they last spoke. Like how that mug she used to always drink out of shattered when he was putting it back in the cupboard and how he cried because he couldn’t glue it back together. Or how he searched and searched for a new one but he couldn’t find it so he decided to not buy a new one, it couldn’t be replaced.

He would tell her that he listens to that Donny Hathaway song she used to always play in the car late at night. He’d like to think that she would be proud that he knows all the words - that he doesn’t just listen to Beethoven. Morgan told him to play a song over a boombox outside her window. He didn’t get the reference but he knew he would play that song.

He opened his wardrobe to pull out his pyjamas when it caught his eye. The scarf, a shimmer of glitter caught in the moonlight.

He knew what he had to do.

Grabbing his coat, keys, and the scarf, he opened his door and walked out into the night.

[sinceileftyoublog]

Billie Marten Interview: Quiet Confidence

Photo by Katie Silvester

BY JORDAN MAINZER

“Where are you calling from?” I asked Billie Marten during our Zoom last month.

“East London,” she replied, “Like everyone else,” simultaneously rolling her eyes at and embracing the scene in which she’s found herself embedded.

The 22-year-old’s wry sense of humor, observations, and self-awareness complement the earnestness she’s shown on her three LPs, especially last month’s terrific Flora Fauna (IMPERIAL/Fiction Records). Though the rawer aesthetic of the record was influenced by a spontaneous, drunken purchase of a bass guitar, and many of the album’s instrumentals were fleshed out in the studio with producer Rich Cooper, Marten both dug deep within her psyche and branched out to the world around her to tackle the album’s themes of self-care and empathy. Opener “Garden of Eden” doesn’t waste any time, its drums rumbling and guitars scraping as Marten compares caring for people to tending to plants. It’s a sentiment that hits even harder after a year-plus of lockdown-induced isolation, when for many of us keeping our pets and plants alive was the only thing we felt like we could control. Throughout the record, Marten’s honest about her relationship with herself, relatable in her alternating between endurance and self-doubt. “Trying hard to teach myself a lesson / Give my body patience to bree free,” she sings on the hip hop-influenced “Heaven”; even if a partner or folks in the world around her think they’re already self-actualized, Marten’s looking out for her own mental health. On the flipside, a chaotically fuzzy stomp like “Ruin” has Marten declaring that treating others like she treats herself would be bullying: “Got a war with my body / Never win, never lose,” she sings desperately. 

Flora Fauna is much more than a collection of the good days and the bad days, though. Marten communes with all sorts of living things, from street pigeons to gardens. And perhaps the most consequential song on the album is “Human Replacement”, a song about women not being able to walk alone at night, inspired by a seemingly increasing rash of violent attacks on women in the UK over the past few years. In its juxtaposition of infectious groove and essential, in-your-face subject matter, it reminds me of U.S. Girls’ weighty “Incidental Boogie”. For Marten, putting herself in others’ shoes, in a sense, allows her to become something else. On minimal closer “Aquarium”, over strummed acoustic guitar, she sings, “Do you wanna go to the aquarium? / I feel I lately wanna drown / Sit down, stare out, shut up, and swim around.” She’s able to nurture an environment by immersing herself in it, like how dirt finds its way on her face and between her teeth on the album’s cover.

Marten’s getting ready to get back out there, with some festival dates in the summer and a UK tour in July. For now, she’s relishing reflection and admissions. Towards the end of our interview, in which she had her camera on but I didn’t, she told me, “I like that your camera’s not on. It feels like I’m in a confession booth.” Flora Fauna’s got to be the greenest confession booth in the world.

Since I Left You: How did you approach the order of the tracks on Flora Fauna?

Billie Marten: I definitely wanted it to follow the classic storyline writing/curve. “Garden of Eden” starts off with the plant, everything’s open, and you really get the main feel of the album there, and “Creature of Mine” is twisting you up to this darker, punchier world, and “Human Replacement” is very in-your-face. “Liquid Love” would be the plot twist. Then, eventually, we float down to the second side of the album and get back into that acoustic-y world slightly more, but it’s definitely still different from the first two albums. Laid bare with nothing but an acoustic...on the last song of the album. I love that it’s quite a loud beginning but very quiet ending, which is what a lot of album campaigns end up being. You’re selling this thing you’ve made for two years, and it’s all, “Look at me, here I am, here’s what I’ve been doing, here’s how much better I am.” That air of improvement has to be there. But in the end, it is what it is. Take it or leave it. I’m not a naturally outgoing, competitive person, so I quite like finishing it with an air of quiet confidence rather than being brash and loud.

SILY: "Garden of Eden” almost has its own quiet confidence. It starts like you’re already in the middle of a conversation.

BM: I definitely wanted it to be immediate, like you’re dropped into my life without any warning. Have you seen Soul?

SILY: Yes.

BM: What did you think?

SILY: I thought it was very good. What about you?

BM: I loved it, and I thought it was the best philosophical education you could have in two hours. It made me think of it that way, because he drops to the real world. I wanted that feeling here.

SILY: I read an interview you did that had the title “We really are just plants,” and I was thinking that while reading about the record before it came out and eventually listening to it. Was it important for you to start the record with a song that compared us to something that’s also living but we don’t always think about as living?

BM: Absolutely. Well said. We’re actually really easy to take care of. That’s why I wanted to simplify it down in the melting pot. Take away emotion from it. In the end, we just need water and light and a bit of space, but not too much, to survive. I was very aware of that whole concept. Especially in London, it’s, “Look how much I’ve grown or will be growing in the future,” not, “How’s everyone else doing? How’s your soil?”

SILY: On “Liquid Love”, you sing about “wanting to wake up as a human every morning.” Does that song point to an eternal optimism?

BM: That was very much an affirmation type line for me. That line about waking up every morning was about how glad I was able to do that, because not everyone gets to do that for a long time. The song’s a love/hate relationship with drinking, which I was doing quite a lot of in the first few years of music. I get hangovers really badly. It doesn’t take me a lot to be completely out of action for the entire next day. That line was about just waking up and feeling proper and normal as a human, because I’ve spent a lot of days not being able to function, and it was really getting to me. We rely on our conscience to remind us to take care of ourselves all the time.

SILY: Is your relationship with drinking now different?

BM: It’s definitely a lot better, and I’m a much happier person. I don’t use it the same. I don’t need it in my life; I just enjoy it. 80% of us probably have the same struggle with it. It’s something you can control, and something that takes us out of real life entirely. It takes up your attention for hours and hours at a time. It’s an incredible mask for genuine problems. With music, it’s around a lot of the time. Some people just can’t function without it. I have big realizations all the time. My body’s telling me to stop doing it and stop smoking as well. I keep getting tonsillitis every month. I think it’s its way of saying to chill out.

SILY: The theme of being able to control certain things seems to pervade the record. It relates to nature, too. On the album closer, your garden seems to represent a balance, a place where you can influence nature but not control it.

BM: I have a really strong urge to protect an environment. I use the word cradle a lot. It’s important that humans can do that with other ones. I wanted that side of confidence I’ve developed but to let people know it’s okay to be and remain vulnerable. I think those are some of the best sides of people. If I think of my friends, I don’t think of them as who they are when they know they’re being watched. I tend to think of what they’ve been through, their low points, who they are when they’re being honest. “Aquarium” is very much that sort of confessional poem.

SILY: There are other natural entities in song titles on here that symbolize something, like “Walnut” and “Pigeon”. I think I read the latter is a yoga pose?

BM: No. I was literally referring to the one-legged pigeons that hang around London that are all gammy and rough and ready and tough characters.

SILY: The pigeon is really smart and historically used for a lot but we think of them as rats.

BM: They’re complete vermin.

SILY: It’s almost like the way we treat nature and/our ourselves.

BM: Exactly. There’s such a different between a rural pigeon and a capital city pigeon. They’re almost completely different species. It’s funny. I’m getting a lot of misconstrued things coming out of this record, people saying I’ve left London, I’ve found spirituality, the pigeon thing. All of these things just aren’t true.

SILY: That’s sometimes a good thing. Of course there’s a line where someone says something completely wrong and claims it to be true, but do you like in general for people to be able to interpret your lyrics the way they want to?

BM: Yes. I’ve had a lot of experience [with the former], especially because we’re doing these things on Zoom, and then you read the written piece and it’s so different from how the conversation went. It’s an interesting social experiment. But I love when people take images and phrases and meanings for themselves and make them their own. It’s a great sign someone’s getting something from your music even when it’s not happening in your head.

SILY: On “Creature of Mine”, that post-apocalyptic, “this is our last chance” type vibe--Is that a scenario you often entertain, and how do you feel about it?

BM: I’m a sucker for diving deep into rumination in a very large, existential plane. Thinking just spirals until it gets bigger and bigger and you get to a point where you’re completely irrelevant. Like watching Cosmos or David Attenborough. [It puts] your existence into a tiny hole. I think sometimes that’s really positive because it helps me understand when I’m nervous for a performance or gig, it’s good to put yourself in perspective. However, it sometimes makes you not want to do things because they’re ultimately not important. It’s a fine balance with that style of thinking. It’s automatic for me. It’s my constant thought train.

SILY: Are there other places on the album, even if not in the same context, where you refer to that spiraling thought process?

BM: I think “Ruin” is especially difficult in that I was noting down my thought process, and that’s what the verses are. I don’t know why I do it, but it makes me feel good. I needed to do that to get it out of me and understand how ridiculous that thought train is. The chorus tries to put this analogy of [wasting] time being a crime. That’s what I was doing: I was wasting a lot of time thinking about it, so every time I sing it, it’s a weird slipstream universe type thing.

SILY: I asked the question hoping you would say “Ruin”. When you sing, “Got a war with my body / Never win, never lose,” it reminded me of that thought process. It goes in a circle. It’s not a linear thing.

BM: There’s no point in putting an element of battle into it. There’s no opponent. It’s just you. You could try and find opponents with other people, but that doesn’t usually work out either. This whole album is fleshing out these huge subjects I ultimately have no control over. Putting my two cents in and leaving it at that, making these musical, experimental creations. 

SILY: “Human Replacement” seems to be one where the juxtaposition between the instrumentation and subject matter is sort of contrasting. It’s this funky strut, but the song’s about women feeling and being unsafe alone at night on the streets. Were you conscious of that contrast making that song?

BM: Me and my producer [Cooper], that was the first song we did together in this album, so it needed to come out very immediate. I just had that [sings melody], and he sat on the kit just trying it out. I had no idea what I wanted to talk about. I was going into this Queens of the Stone Age, grungy, late-night mood. I didn’t have the narrative because what they sing about wasn’t relevant to me. I was looking outside and hearing all the sirens and hearing about what was happening in the news every day, and it was a subject that needed to happen. I wouldn’t say I’m in any way a political writer, but it is a massive problem. It’s a shame that narrative came out of me. The subject matter had to match the severity of the song. I couldn’t really talk about my own feelings in that song. It had to be a bigger subject.

SILY: Are songs like those more or less difficult to perform live?

BM: I don’t know. I worried about playing that one live because it’s so serious. My between-song chat is very much not serious. It’s my personality, which is who I am when I’m not performing. So I was worried I wouldn’t give it the air time it needs. Then again, most people don’t even listen to lyrics. They just like the way a song feels. It’s important to entertain those people as well. It can’t be all doom and gloom. I would say it’s harder than talking about myself, which I’ve been doing since I was 12.

SILY: How was playing your gig?

BM: It was at Banquet [Records], a record store in South London. I thought we were gonna be in the actual shop, me and my long-term collaborator and bandmate and TM Jason. He just makes a bit of [drum] kit, and I’m on acoustic. It turned out to be in this proper venue in this theater. It was a gig. I’m really glad we got pushed into that environment. Anything else would have been a lot more daunting.

SILY: Was it your first time playing many of these songs?

BM: Yes. There are still ones I have no idea how to play. I need to figure that out quite soon. [laughs]

SILY: Are you looking forward to touring?

BM: Yes. Massively. I really needed this break to make me realize that because I think gigs can be really hard for people. I definitely find that. There have been certain moments where I wish I wasn’t going on stage. Now it’s just like we have been given this gift again of living normally. It would be incredibly inappropriate to feel otherwise.

SILY: What else is next for you?

BM: Definitely writing. I want to start recording again. I can do it now since we’ll be so busy. It’s shaping up into a completely different soundscape again, which is interesting. You’re always going.

SILY: Anything you’ve been listening to, watching, or reading lately that’s caught your attention?

BM: This band called Coco. I don’t even know how I found them. They’ve got no information about them whatsoever. I think they’re American. They have 3 songs on Spotify. They’re very very good. To be honest, I’m not very good at watching things at the moment. I watched Nomadland and loved that. Mostly it will always be The Simpsons. To be honest, I’ve been too busy recently. I’ve been looking forward to June. Wait, we are in June! It’s the 2nd day of June. Well, I’m looking forward to this month, where I can do more domestic things again and stop talking about myself. [laughs]

[georgemackayhey]

Silver Lining: Chapter 3

In which you and George decide to make the most of life after meeting up at the wrong place at just the right time...

w/c: 4k

a/n: Listen I'm a sucker for some classic rom-com drama okay? How do YALL feel? Let me know your thoughts and things! ♡

taglist: @etherealallure​ @maria-josefin​ @shelbygirlsclubx​ @loulouloueh​ @clarkewithameme​ @haileymorelikestupid​ @weyheyavengers​

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The first morning you woke up in Rome, you rose before the sunrise. After slipping into some comfortable shoes and graciously accepting a couple of complimentary breakfast muffins from the lobby of your hotel, you headed into the city with George on your heels.

You'd planned for an early morning tour of the Sistine Chapel, and the Vatican Museums so that you could enjoy the historic sites without being crammed in between too many other greedy, loud tourists.

George was quiet, but not unhappy. He wore a sleepy grin every time you looked over to make sure he was still there. Part of you was prepared to find he'd gone, at some point. But he was there as the sun was just over the horizon, while you queued up outside of the Chapel you'd been anxious to see for yourself forever. There was a chill in the air, but the excitement that buzzed through your system was all you'd had any sort of focus on.

A lovely young tour guide with long dark hair approached and explained in a thick accent that you'd be joined by seven other group members, two who had already been patiently waiting at her side. As the others joined, you and George were the youngest of your tour group by a couple of decades, at least. The others were an elderly couple, two middle-aged brothers, and a middle-aged woman who brought her parents along.

There were a very few other groups mingling ahead and behind yours, and it seemed like you had the whole massive place to yourselves. But every time you turned a corner, you seemed to float a little closer to George. You figured that you were so drawn to him because he was the most familiar thing you had in such a new, overwhelming setting.

Stepping foot into the Chapel exceeded every expectation. The tall, delicate works of art that made up the walls were hard to comprehend but easy to love and adore. For much of the tour, you wandered the halls in astonished silence, gazing to the wonders as our guide quietly explained details you would have never spotted otherwise.

You and George shared quiet gazes, and even a couple dulled bursts of laughter over what might have seemed like nothing to the few people around you. And your shared snickers usually were without reason. The laughter came like conversation, little pauses of shared time to simply confirm you were on the same page.

And when you looked all around George, every few feet your breath would catch in your throat as you turned your gaze to another stunning sight. Some images were soaked in rising sunlight, and others shone on their own. As much as you adored taking in all the sights, you found just as much wonder in your surprise travel companion.

George would take the time to gaze at every sculpture and painting with the same amount of curiosity and appreciation. You stood back, taking in the big picture while the other members of your group got close up and personal with a row of carved statues. You caught George lingering there, and laughed to yourself. He fit right in, with his delicately sculpted features.

The sight demanded to be photographed, with George's profile staring back into the marble eyes upon a pedestal. Luckily your guide had given the green light that the room you occupied was one of few you could use your camera in, so you did.

George was none the wiser while you gazed at him through your lense. As you stole the shot and tucked your phone away as if you'd never had it out, you moved to stand near him. You'd come to enjoy asking George's thoughts as you wandered through the Chapel, admiring his perspective of the beauty that surrounded the both of you.

You moved through the Vatican Museums immersed in the same awe, daring to share more fully formed thoughts with George all the while. And on the rare occasion, you could use your camera, you kept finding excuses to score a few odd candids of George roaming around, fitting in.

When you reached the end of the tour, lingering near a set of benches while everyone wondered how to move on with their day, George stole your phone from your grasp as you snapped a few shots of the place surrounded by dull blue skies. He demanded you say in place so he could take one of you, rambling about you'd want to capture a memory of your being where you were.

As he did, one of the older ladies who'd chatted with you and George throughout your tour swooped in and insisted on taking a photo of you and George together. She reached out for your phone, latching onto it before George had agreed, but if he wasn't keen, it didn't seem to put up much of a fight.

He moved to lean against the bit of railing you'd been relaxed against but you'd tensed up as he settled next to you.

George crossed his arms, turning slightly toward you, as you shrugged a little closer all the while. Then you looked at each other, sharing a "let's just roll with it" sort of expression, and that got you both chuckling again.

"Y'all are just too cute." The older woman cooed, handing your phone back to you as you lunged to take it back.

"Thank you." You noted simply because that's all you could do. There was no time to explain that George was only cute on his own and gracious enough to have accompanied you on this trip so you didn't feel as alone as you actually were.

Not long after, your tour guide appeared to thank you all for being so lovely and gave some directions and suggestions of where to go next. Most of everyone already seemed to have plans, but for once, you didn't. So you made George gaze at a map of the city, and pick your next destination. You didn't ask where he'd chosen when he started leading the way, you were just glad he was there to walk with.

As you left the Sistine Chapel behind, George kept his slow pace in time with yours, as you walked and talked. The pair of you had found yourselves in a deep conversation about art and history and what it meant to you.

George was using his hands to express himself and emphasize his ideas, which was something you hadn't really seen him do till then. His gestures suggested that what he spoke of was coming from a meaningful place. When he paused to ask you of your own ideas, you were simultaneously grateful for the space to speak, but missed hearing what he had to say and the way in which he said it.

Just as you started laughing over the topic of your impromptu photoshoot forced upon the both of you by a lady you'd never met, someone called out George's name. Well, his last name. You shared a bewildered look before turning to see what was up.

There was an older fellow walking toward the pair of you, with dark shiny sunglasses covering his eyes, and bright shiny teeth behind a stretched out smile.

George let out a chuckle that seemed more like a sigh of relief to you, as he greeted the stranger by what must have been his name. George barely took a breath before he used his already extended hand to place his fingers around your arm and introduce you by name, all the same.

As you reached out to shake the stranger's hand, George explained the guy was the director of one of his favorite films he'd ever been a part of.

The guy nodded to you, releasing your grasp. You realized then that George's hand was still delicately attached to your arm. But you forced your focus to the director, who explained he was in the city taking his kids on holiday. You hadn't even noticed the young boys hidden behind their father's legs until they peered up at you after the introduction.

George proceeded to let go of you and kneel before the children to greet them like old friends. One of the boys broke into a bashful grin while the other threw himself into a hug George reciprocated happily.

As your heart began to melt, you wrapped your arms around your waist and wondered how you'd ended up here. When George stood to finish sharing pleasantries with his old director friend, both men happily wished the other a safe and sound holiday. Before you knew it, the little boys were racing further down their street and their father dared off to catch up, vanishing into the horizon you could see waves of heat in.

"Only you would run into good friends on a random holiday. What's it like to be so popular huh?" You quipped after finding a steady pace that matched George's again. He gestured for you to turn a corner as he replied.

"I wouldn't know I don't check the internet." George let out a dry mocking, "ha ha." As you rolled your eyes and tried not to laugh. Before you could think up a reply, George's playful tone remained as he seriously stated,

"I'm much less exciting in real life than you seem to understand."

"Well, they do rave about you on the world wide web. Wouldn't you want to know what they say?" You asked, gazing toward him and watching his face as he listened to you.

"Would you want to hear about yourself from strangers all the time?" George looked to you as you walked, wearing a face that suggested he already knew your answer.

"Hell no." You let out a laugh. "I don't think I'd like what I hear."

"Why?" George seemed to curiously wonder as if he'd never expected that answer at all. You took a beat to wonder about George, then. How he was so easy to read but so hard to figure out.

"Oh, even I know I'm nothing to write home about. My fiance didn't even like me." You chuckled, turning another corner on the pavement in perfect time with George. He let out a laugh, shaking his head before he turned back to you with a reluctant smile.

"That was a good one..." He pointed. "But I'd heed you to stop dwelling on the negative and look on the bright side."

"And what have I got to be so chuffed about, then?" You smiled, asking just so you could hear things from his perspective, something you'd made a bit of a secret habit of.

"You're in Rome with me, the very famous movie star that the internet can't seem to get enough of." George joked with a silly shrug, picking up the pace and leaving you behind a few steps to throw your head back in laughter.

You ended up at another museum, as a lull in your conversation happened in perfect time. The doors to the building were closed, but there were folks of all kinds roaming the ground's gardens, having picnics and playing ball.

When George became entirely immersed in reading the plaques that told what the flowers in the winding garden were, you lingered across the way, slumped against a hundred-year-old tree to call your mother.

When she answered, she seemed flustered, as if you'd run away from home and were just calling to assure you were fine. And that's what you had to do for the first couple minutes of your call. Naturally, your mother had seven hundred versions of the same questions, largely revolving around George.

After firmly assuring her that your travel companion had been nothing short of purely delightful and kind, you forced your mother to listen to stories about the good time you'd had so far.

But then your mother brought up Collin. And the sound of his name alone made you sick to your stomach. You told your mother you didn't want to talk about any of that just then. That you'd come here for one last good time before you inevitably flew back home to your sad little flat all alone.

Your phone was dying anyway, so you promised your mother to call back in a day or two and assured one last time that you were alright. But as you spoke those words, you wondered for a beat if you were only trying to convince yourself.

After choosing a place to find dinner, George led the way once more. You followed in what you hoped was a comfortable silence. The conversation with your mother left a lot on your mind, most thoughts unavoidable. You'd remained quietly trying to sus them out as you ventured to a bistro with candles in the window and lace cloths on the tables.

When you sat down, George asked what was on your mind. You realized then, when he asked, why he was such a good actor. George had a bevy of tones and micro-expressions to fit every sort of mood and moment. You didn't think he was pretending to use them now, you just understood that he was able to read the room and respond in a deadly accurate way.

So since his tone made you feel at ease and his gaze made you believe he wanted to know your real answer, you told him about the chat you'd had with your mother, back at the garden.

After you placed your orders and settled comfortably into the hardback chairs, George said.

"Okay, so you've told me how the conversation went. But how do you feel about it?"

You laughed at first because the only sort of people who'd ever asked you anything like that were paid professionals. But There George was, with his kind yet stoic expression, urging you to be honest.

Luckily you'd decided to order a bottle of wine, so you poured yourself a generous glass and rambled for a while about how confused you were. How lovely you found it to be here, how utterly grateful you were to have someone to share each passing moment with.

The conversation shifted into sharing your favorite bits of the day, between glasses of wine. You laughed about something one of the old men in your tour group kept saying, and wondered if you'd ever see anything more breathtaking like the Sistine Chapel ever again in your lifetimes.

George rose his brow, wordlessly giving away his hopeful assuredness that more indescribable beauty would drift into his world. He filled his mouth with wine as you shrugged off the thought, doing the same.

When you'd polished off the bottle you ordered another cocktail to celebrate the last evening in Rome. George decided against it but was happy to hold a conversation as you kept drinking. He'd taken the chance to ask you more questions than he'd been giving his own answers for, but you shifted gears, begging him to share funny stories from his past and favorite song lyrics.

As you finished your cocktail, you realized you should have left it when the room started spinning. George tried to pay for dinner, again, but you demanded to split the bill evenly when he refused to sit back and let you take care of it all.

He held out a hand to help you down the steps of the restaurant, much to your delight. You were drunk, but not in the usual fun, "let's party" kind of way. Sure, the alcohol-fueled a few extra giggles back inside, but as you stood to wait for a cab, you felt less than stellar.

When you managed a taxi, George gave the driver directions as you hung your head in your hands. Why did you drink so much in the midst of so many mixed-up feelings? Your stomach was fine. Your head was not.

The ride was silent, but your thoughts were loud. When you felt George rest a hand near the base of your neck, his warm gentle touch grounded you enough for you to let out a tiny sigh of thanks. But as you remained in this position, your thoughts grew more boggled as you wondered why George was next to you, soothing you, giving you the time of day. He could have been anywhere he wanted. He shouldn't have come, you shouldn't have invited him.

Because when George decidedly kept a hold around you on your trek through the crowded lobby, you realized that you were totally depending on him. And that scared the everliving shit out of you.

And as you made it to the staircase, you heard the sweet young front desk woman call out, "Goodnight you two!"

You couldn't thank her. You didn't have time to explain that you and George were existing in different realities. You just let yourself hang on to his arm as you made your way up and over to the room you were sharing.

You took more time to take a few deep breaths in the bathroom than the time it took you to change and wipe off your make up.

After George had his turn, and eased into the small bed next to your side, he'd managed to maintain the sliver of space that belonged between the two of you.

"I'm sorry if I killed the vibe tonight." You quietly croaked, fixing your gaze on the ceiling, too nervous to look right at him this close up.

"You didn't kill anything. I'm sorry you feel so bad, though."

"Thanks for today. And everything." You spoke. If you were any drunker, you might have cried. But with all your years of training to keep your emotions from slipping out so easily, you didn't. But you were drunk enough to forget how nervous-looking right at George this close made you feel. When your eyes met, his seemed to have already studying your face.

You were too lost in awe of his closeness to say anything more, and George seemed to understand that there was nothing more to be said anyway. Instead, he dared to reach into the space between you, to grab ahold of your hand.

George let his fingers rest across yours, as he peered to you, the lower half of his face hidden behind the sight of your fingers weakly pressed back against his.

Before either of you got the good sense to let go, you drifted to sleep.

___

You'd had your share of one night stands, waking up in different places with people you barely remembered meeting let alone spending an evening with. But you'd never felt the way you did before when you woke up in Rome for the second morning in a row.

George's hand was still loosely rested atop your own, neither of you having moved much in the night. You sucked in a deep breath and held it while you slipped your fingers away from his. George didn't budge when you darted to grab a change of clothes and get ready for the day.

But as you spun around toward the bathroom, for as slowly as you could blink, you let your gaze fall to George. His crisp white shirt camouflaged between wrinkled white sheets. His soft tousled hair falling in his eyes that stayed closed to dream. His warm strong hand, rested in the middle of the mattress where yours had disappeared from underneath.

When time no longer stalled and you locked yourself in for a shower, and still couldn't understand your feelings. This was your last morning in Rome and there wasn't enough time to enjoy the city that surrounded you. You'd never planned to take longer than a day discovering the capital because Collin had wanted to spend as much time in Barcelona as possible.

The only plans you'd made in advance for today, were sulking back to the airport. You had been dreading this moment, saying goodbye to the place you'd barely had time to explore. But as you cleaned yourself up, you weren't as sad as you thought you might have been. You were strangely at peace with the memories you'd made. Though a dull ache hammered in your heart, doing its best to get you to mourn your time, you couldn't help but smile over how well you'd managed your precious stay.

But as you changed into your clothes, a different dread crept through your system. You were happy. But was George?  He could have been anywhere in the world he wanted, but he chose to keep up with you. Had he felt obligated to tag along? You realized that before you left the hotel, that you had to assure George that he didn't have to be here, even if you desperately wanted him to be. Even if you'd miss him when he inevitably left, no matter when that time came.

"George, you know you don't have to stick around. I know I asked you to, but-"

"We've made it this far haven't we?" He grinned, cutting you off and moving his elbow to nudge you as he threw things into his travel bag.

You heaved a defeated sigh and raised a finger that meant you were serious when you said, "Fine. But you're picking out things you want to do for the rest of this week."

"Off we go then, come on!"

The lobby was just as busy as ever while you waited to check out in a line behind a few other families. George was quiet by your side. It was a time when others might have checked their emails or scrolled through Tinder. But George stood, letting his gaze fall across the room, soaking up the last bits of your time here.

When you'd successfully checked out and wished the sweet front desk woman well, she parted ways by saying, "enjoy the rest of your honeymoon!" Because you'd obviously booked the package in advance. But the lobby was too busy and there was no time to explain, so you just thanked her and meandered out into the street.

"Yes, how are you enjoying your honeymoon?" George asked playfully, following your lead toward a row of cabs down the way.

"I always thought I'd be married first." You shrugged.

"Me too." George laughed and you laughed too. The pair of you talked about how this would be the perfect story to save for your great great grandchildren- a tale so unbelievable that your children would tell their grandkids that "grandma is lying, stuff like that only happens on tv."

You held your tongue from joking about Georges celebrity, and how that must have been the only reason this wild idea worked in any capacity. Because you didn't want to imagine he'd drop everything to spend a week with any old stranger, even if he was capable.

And when you made it to the airport, George tugged on your sleeve when you started to wander the wrong way. When your hand slipped into the crook of his arm with an excuse about how you'd hate to get lost in the crowd, you realized something terrible. You realized that you just didn't want to stray far from George. You realized you were bummed to let go as you settle into your seats on the plane.

You swallow your feelings deep down, chalking them up to confusion as you mourned the loss of the only romance you'd ever known. You reminded yourself that this trip was supposed to be a fun, carefree fling and that you were lucky beyond belief to have someone willing to sit next to you during every stop. There was no sense in ruining a good thing by addressing your feelings that would surely change as soon as they blossomed.

When the plane took off, you reminded yourself that the last time you'd experienced this, you were fine and there was no need to feel any less fine, now. But as a means to distract yourself from the roar of the engine and the speed at which you ascended into the sky, you asked George a question. His answers had yet to let you down.

You noticed he'd pulled out that old creased paperback book, and he was flipping to find the page he never bookmarked. You asked what the story was about. After giving you one of his famously curious gazes, a smile turned up at the corner of his lips as George read aloud from the paragraph he'd been in the middle of.

"Are you a mad man?" You laughed, wondering why he wouldn't just explain the plot, or at the very least read from the beginning.

"Fine then, here you have a go." George countered, handing you the collection of crumpled pages.

And you weren't too sure exactly what he was offering, but the next thing you knew, you were reading his paperback novel from the start. You spoke slowly and quietly, turned in toward him so you wouldn't disturb your fellow passengers. George settled back against the seat with his fingers clasped in his lap, and his head turned slightly toward yours, to listen.

When you'd reached the end of the first chapter, you held a thumb in between the pages so you wouldn't lose your spot when you looked up to ask George another question.

"Have you thought about what you'd like to do when we get to Barcelona?" You wondered. George turned his head all the way so he could peer over to you as you slumped against the seat, looking right in his eyes. For a moment, you were reminded of your first plane ride together. How his gemstone eyes gazed calmly into yours, in the midst of all your apprehension. His expression was just the same now. It was familiar.

"Casa Batlló?" George rose a brow, like a boy asking to stop somewhere on the ride home from school. "La Boqueria, and of course a cooking class or two."

"All of that is already on my list!" You quipped, batting the book in your clutch against George's arm on the armrest below.

"Good thing too, since that's what I'd like to do."George grinned. You couldn't tell if he was serious or just genuinely didn't mind going through with everything you'd already thought up.

"Now, I believe we have time for another chapter," George flicked his eyes from his book in your possession and then gazed back up to you as he settled deeper against the seat of the plane. With the shake of your head and a submissive smile, you turned another page and spoke up.

___

On the plane, between chapters of "This Side Of Paradise", you and George made rough plans to order room service and crash in the nearest bed so that you could wake up early and explore the whole day tomorrow.

By the time you'd landed in Barcelona, hailed a cab and made it inside of the expansive and baron lobby of the hotel you'd booked months in advance, you were exhausted.

George guarded your bags near a wall-length fish tank, while you went to check-in. You gave the mellow looking man behind the granite desk your information as his expression grew weary behind the screen on his laptop.

"Oh, will you be joining the guests who've checked out room 500?"

"No." You furrowed your brow. "I need to check into room 500."   You explained, relying a bit more personal information about your reservation to ease the misunderstanding.

But the desk attendant shifted his gaze from you to his laptop and back to you again with a pout that bloomed into a frown before he spoke:

"I'm sorry, ma'am but... this reservation has already been accepted."

───※ ·❆· ※───

[jj-lynn21]

An Unexpected Adventure Ch 3: Nature

Ch 3:Nature 

  Ch 1: Booked   Ch 2: Teatime, Ch 4: Waterfalls

Tags:@rainbowmoosie, @melodys4029​, @loomiz​, @eliza123sworld​, @super-pink-a-palouza​, @bskarsgardlove92​, @dragsraksllib​ ,@0cean-witch​, @grandpa-sweaters​, @katieskrsgard​,  @sugiseto​, @badccaptain​,  @wikiss21​  @skrsgardspam​ @skarsgardsslut​  

Notes: fluff, shock, an ode to no cellphones

Genna tossed and turned all night having nightmares about not making her deadline. Losing every bit of the credibility and trust her first book brought to her career. Losing her friend and publisher to someone that obviously wanted it more than she did. All these thoughts did nothing to help her creativity level. When she woke, she was a void of any ideas what to really focus on in her writing as she had been since she got there. It was time to do something drastic. Just walk away for a while.  

The best way to clear her head was to take Istvan up on his morning walk offer. The fire had burned out over night, but her appreciation for him only burned stronger. She was determined to make up for how she had treated him when they first met. Put all the book writing thoughts in the back of her mind just for a few hours. Being in nature was bound to get ideas flowing once she got back to work. 

Genna put a pot of coffee in a large thermos and a zip lock of crackers in her backpack purse. She dressed in layers since it was cooler now but once the sun was high in the sky the forecaster called for an unusual swing back to the 70s.  She decided on her athletic shoes over her boots because they were more comfortable. The boots she wore there were made for fashion more than hiking.  

She took a deep cleansing breath as she walked out of the cabin. The air was fresh. Genna could smell wildflowers that had not given up their life to the overnight frost yet. She looked around for her guide. Istavan waved with a great big dopey smile on his face. She trotted over to him.

“Good morning, Istvan.”

“Good morning, Genna.” He had a backpack flung over his shoulder. “I’m glad you decided to join me. There is so much beauty here you cannot see from the small windows in the cabin.”

“Show me everything.” Genna adjusted her pack as she walked with him. “I brought coffee and snacks. And my cellphone to take some pictures. I am looking for inspiration.”

“I hope you find what you want.” He helped her up a particularly steep hill. “Just relax and take it all in without sharing with the world for once in your life. It is perfectly fine not to share every experience you have.”

“That is crazy talk.” She giggled joking.  

He smirked.  

Once they arrived at a paved trail it was easier to walk. “At the end of this trail there is a nice clearing to stop for a break. I have a blanket, coffee, water, and baloney sandwiches in my pack.”

“Between us we have quite a feast.” She did her best to keep up with him but two of her steps equaled one of his..

He nodded. “Stop right here.” Istvan put his hand up stopping on the trail. “Listen to what surrounds us.”

“What is it?” She was a little frightened by his tone.

“Shhhh.” He put a finger to his plump kissable lips. “Don’t be scared. Close your eyes.” Istvan walked around behind her. “Relax. Take a breath and just listen to nature.”

His voice gave her chills. She closed her eyes taking a deep breath of the fresh air around her. It smelled nothing like the big city. It felt nothing like the city. There was a light breeze. The sun kissed her face. Some squirrels squealed at each other in the trees. Birds were chirping not quite ready to leave for the south.  She opened her eyes as she grabbed for her cellphone to snap a memory.

He took her wrist lightly. “Don’t do it Genna. Just enjoy our surrounding. Let it just be ours.”

She looked at him like he was insane. “But shouldn’t everyone know the beauty here so they will come, Istvan? I am sure you have posted pictures on your accounts to help your business.”  

“I don’t have any social media accounts.” He admitted. “There is one website that does have professional photos of the cabins and the hiking trail. I like it here because it is free from all that. No one, especial strangers need to like what you are doing for you to enjoy it yourself. Just take it in.” He took a deep exaggerated breath in and let it out. “Stay here with me in this moment. Don’t disappear into technology, Genna.”

“All right.” She slid the phone back into the side of her pack.  

“Now really look at everything you could have missed with a phone in front of your face.” He put his hands on her shoulders. “Is this okay?”

She nodded yes.

“The squirrels we hear are right there chasing each other in that tree.” He pointed.

His beard tickled her cheek and she laughed. “Your beard tickles.”

“I’m sorry,.” He stood up straighter. Istvan had not really been close to anyone in months. It had been years since he felt like being as close to someone as he did her.  

“It’s all good.” She smiled and he smiled back. “What other things can you point out that I might not be catching?” She was trying to get fully immersed in the moment as he suggested.  

“Did you hear the rustling in the tall brush over there?” He gets closer again but tries not to let his beard touch her.

“Yes.”  

“I happen to know that a family of bunnies live there.” He gentle rubbed her arms. “If we are still and quiet maybe one will hop over towards the glen or many of them will. The younger ones seem to take chances like that even if I am here.”  

They waited. She leaned into him more, so he held her more securely. She did not giggle again when his beard brushed against her cheek. The bushes started rustling more in several spots. Then a little nose poked out sniffing. A few pairs of long grey ears with pink centers poked up. It was quick when they moved. Three curious baby bunnies made their way across the path right in front of Istvan and Genna.

Genna covered her mouth so she did not squeal in delight while the bunnies crossed. One stopped to look at them for just a split second before running off after its sibling. “They are so precious.”  

“Yeah, come on.” He led her down the trail more. “The clearing is right in the direction they went hopping.”

She stayed close to him. “Are there any dangerous animals around here?”

“Black bear, coyote, and a few different kinds of poisonous snakes in the wetlands.” They came to the clearing and walked a few feet in where Istvan laid out the blanket holding it down with his pack and hers. “I have a kit with anti-venom. Bears and Coyote are mostly afraid of people unless you leave food out at night.”

“I will hold you to that.” She takes her jacket and hoodie off to get more comfortable. The sun has made it warmer. She took out her coffee thermos and crackers.

He took out what he brought and takes off his hoodie also. “Sandwich?”

“Thank you.” She took one. “You can have some of these crackers with your sandwich.”

“Thanks.” He took a few from the baggy. After they ate taking in the nature around them instead of talking, Istvan laid back on the blanket closing his eyes. “It is nice to just listen to nature with eyes closed and your heart open.”

“I guess.” She glanced around at what seemed to be empty space. “Have you always lived like this, Istvan. Grown to be a Mountain man?”

He chuckled as he opened his eyes and held his strong upper body up on his elbows. “I grew up as a spoiled kid in New York City. My Dad was a Soap actor and my Mom a lawyer. We started coming out to the woods to camp when I was around ten. My Father built the family cabin himself. After I graduated high school my gift was building my own cabin.”

“Hard labor does not sound like a gift.” Genna interceded.  

“Yeah, I thought that at the time.” He continued. “It was the last time I really spent any time with him. He and my sister built the cabin you are staying in for her before she went off to college. She worked hard from the beginning as she always did in school. I did what I always did at NYU. I got in some trouble for fighting. Partied so much I can barely remember most of my time there. Still I managed to get passing grades in business school. When my parents got in a car accident driving here from the city in the dead of winter to set up for a family Christmas, they left the cabins to me and my sister.”

“That is …" She put her hand to her heart. “It is just so tragic. I’m sorry you lost them right before the holiday.”

“It was a lot to handle but helped me grow up.” He sighed. “My sister can barely deal with being here. I took over the cabins turning them into a business. That was five years ago. I ended up loving this place after a year. At this point I can’t even imagine going back to living in the city.”

“I do enjoy the silence when I work.” She laid down beside him.  

Istvan put his arm under her head lying back down with his eyes closed. “Now close your eyes, Genna. Take a deep breath and listen.”  

They laid there for a minute just silent and still. “This is maybe the best thing I ever felt.”

He leaned on his side. “Now that is a tragedy.”  

She opened her eyes to his inches away. Her heart seemed to skip at the weight of his stare. Then he glanced above her head before looking at her again.

“On the count of three I need you to get up as quick as possible.” He reached for the machete attached to the side of his pack. “One...”

“What?” And then she heard it. A rattle and hiss.

“Two, three.” Istvan pulled her up with one hand as he cut the head off the striking timber rattlesnake.  

She was in shock as he held up the body of the snake that was half his length. “It's okay now. It’s dead.” After dropping the carcass to the grown he put the machete away. “Are you alright, Genna?”

She nodded yes slowly even though she was still disturbed.  

[bunny-banana]

For the director's cut thing, the story where Fabri asks Ermal out on a date but Ermal doesn't realize that? 👀

YO SO WE GONNA DO THAT OR WHAT

Its this fic btw if anyones curious.  

Chap 1

Even with closed eyes, he sensed the man lying next to him turn towards him but Fabrizio did not spoke immediately. No, he just stayed silent for a bit, Ermal wasn’t quite sure what he was observing but before Ermal could ask, Fabrizio broke the silence.

its u. he’s gazing at u, u idiot.

*

*

’You didn’t exactly give off the vibe that you’d say yes’

“What the fuck does that even mean? I don’t give off the vibe?!”

mr no-homo meta has NO right to be surprised at that. boy went into a panic attack every time someone as much as breathed the suggestion ofc fab was Anxious

*

*

A certain Roman showing up at his doorstep looking like he’d belong to the Milan Fashion Week.A tight grey shirt whose top three buttons almost begged to be opened (yet remained miraculously, in Fabris case, closed!) clung nicely to the body underneath it. A very fine silver chain hung around his neck that perfectly fit with the rings and the watch on his hand.Instead of ripped denim, now tight & shiny dark jeans were worn and to round this look up, an impeccably tailored black, suit jacket was thrown over him.

so not to be Hoe on main but we all just love Sexy Fab.  but more so, i really thought Fabrizio would have put a lot of effort into dressing nicely this time around. Probably called a few friends, crying to help him. He just wanted Ermal to like his look. Which he did.   A lot.  again, outstanding heterosexual of the year, ermal meta is completely mesmerised by that look.

*

*

“Well, well, Fab. Gotta say, this place is on a whole different level“ The curly haired man commented as he flipped through the menu.“You like it?”“How could I not?”

again, Fabrizio intentionally looking up a fancy place for their Date, something he actually felt a little bit uncomfortable about himself and wouldnt normally chose for himself. But then again, he was greatly relieved when Ermal actually did say he liked it.

*

*It felt.. nice. The whole evening was quite nice, Ermal had to admit, even with the unusual ambient.

Ermal is just honestly iconic in this fic. man enjoys fabrizios appearance, enjoys talking with him,  eating out with him, just spending time with him in general sooo much……and yet.

*

*

Fabrizio tilted his head and was it the candle light or something else, but a intriguing shine filled his eyes.“I’d know something sweeter than this.” In the next moment, everything turned upside down when Fabrizio suddenly took his hand and intertwined their fingers, his thumb gently brushing over the back of the younger man’s hand.

THE COURAGE THIS TOOK. THE NERVES WHICH WERE WRECKED.  Fab really just went “ok here we go balls to the wall now or never”

*

*

Chap2

“So, Fabrizio….Fabrizio likes me. Apparently.” It felt interesting to say it out loud. Ermal got a tingly feeling at the thought. So ..it was him who made Fabrizio blush earlier? Who made him nervous? And smiley?  Christ, he actually really wanted Ermal to like his outfit, didn’t he? A small smirk found its way on Ermal’s face. Who would have thought that he’d have Fabrizio Moro of all people wrapped around his finger.

erm: so im het

also erm: wow i really really like the fact that fabrizio is into me. its actually super exciting. kinda makes me happy in a way.

*

*

“Wait, what?! I should ask him out?!”“Yeah? Isn’t that something you want?”Is that something he- But that would imply that he’d want to pursue Fabrizio, his very male, masculine, manly friend Fabrizio who was definitely not by any chance a woman. To have a relationship with guy that was …..romantic… and oh sweet Mother of God, sexual?!“I- I- I don’t know.”

so yeah, to get to the bottom of this, when you’re in the process of realising your own …..non-heterosexuality, its just A Lot to take in.  I thought, realistically, that would just be a bit too much for Ermal to take in at that moment. He had to process the mere thought of “yes, you could have a romantic relationship with this guy, since he’s into you. Its absolutely a possibility”. When you’re conditioned to think “i can only ever date people of the opposite sex” all your life, it takes a bit of time to get accustomed to new possibilities.

And then theres the sexual aspect which is like, on Jupiter, for Ermal’s current state of mind.

*

*

Chap3

The video he currently was immersed in showed a slow-mo fight between a mongoose and a cobra that in all its intensity outdid any action movie in a heartbeat.

i remember watching that vid before writing that chapter and being mesmerised by it. u fucking go lil mongoose!

*

*

[Bizio]: sorry i cant this weekend

First, i just love the thought of him being saved as Bizio on Ermals phone. Second, the reason why he replied so late was because he was wrecking his mind about it. Should he go? should he not? god, the thought of seeing ermal excited him and yet scared him. nonononno. he’s trying to get Over Ermal. He needs space. he is not ready yet.

*

*

[Ermal]:Fabri!! Heard you’re coming up North! 😁 I have this excellent bottle of wine that a fan gave me the other day (don’t ask) so how about we open it at my place? I know you love a good wine 😉🍷

He couldn’t even slide the phone back into his pocket before it started buzzing. Surprisingly, the reply came almost instantly this time.[Bizio]:sorry no the schedule is pretty tight for me at the moment i dont think ill have much time in milan

i just image him getting the weirdest fucking fan gifts. also lmao the lightning speed with which fab replied. homeboy saw that wine would be involved and imemdiately thought “nononononono. worst case, my drunk ass might kiss him, god forbid. we are absolutely not gonna do that”

*

*

[Ermal]:So I’m flipping through the channels at home and there comes a baking show and I wouldn’t normally stop to watch but you know what they’re baking? Those creamy pastry things we had in Lisbon!

Now the idea about the Pasteis de Nata stemms from a real life event! During ESC 2018 i slept at a friends house and since the contest was held in Portugal we decided to cook something portuguese. Thats what we did. They fucking slap. Also, one of the best weekends ive ever had

*

*

However, this is how things continued as to all of Ermal’s messages, he’d receive rather uncharacteristically short replies. When he sent him photos he’d often not reply at all and even when he called Fabri didn’t pick.

Okay we have to image in WHAT kinda mental state Fabrizio is in that time. Boy is EMBARASSED to death. Then obviously, he is trying his hardest to get rid of this crush.  So he just isnt talking to Ermal at all. Which in turn makes him lonely and sad.  So then Ermal shoots him a message, sends him a picture and Fabrizio is immediately head over heels again. Which he shouldnt be. Bad Fabri. And the circle repeats itself.

*

*

Fabrizio who smiled sweetly at the host, who hugged her tightly, who joked with her and oh, whose eyes didn’t stick to her face but wandered more and more south.

Dude honestly, Fab was not flirting with anyone. He was just being nice as he usually is. And we all know he a lil bit sleazy so yeah, he might have looked down once or twice. but he really was not flirting. It was just Ermals affection-deprived mind going berserk.

Also that was the first time Ermal witnessed Fabrizio being affectionate with someone else. And the contrast to that cold shoulder he received was just the last straw for him.

*

*

“Why is he all smiley and lovey-dovey with her while he treats me as if I’m a war criminal?!” Ermal shouted the second the other line got picked up.“Uhm, hello? Maybe a ‘Good morning’ first of all? A simple ‘how are you doing, Sabina?’ would have been appreciated too.”

Damn bitch can ya greet ur sister first before going off smh

*

*

And would it have been really that bad if Ermal had just held on to his hand? Let Fabrizio gently stroke him with his thumb, maybe even squeeze back while Ermal’s finger draws circles over letters that covered the older man’s knuckles.It would have been nice and Ermal would have liked it.

I think he just needed to see what he was missing out to realise what he really has always wanted. If things were to go back to normal, he would have never made any realisations.

*

*

“Am I- Do I like Fabrizio?”

No, we dont ask what he is. Because thats for another time, a calmer time. Or maybe not at all. He doesnt know the answer to that question and its not important right now. All he knows is that despite it all, he likes Fabrizio.

*

*

The fact he was a guy was new, but those feelings involved weren’t.

I feel like this is just a very bisexual experience. At least to me it was. Its very confusing when u are genuinely attracted to the opposite sex, so you make the conclusion: you are obviously straight. Its not possibly that you are not-straight.  

Then u start feeling attraction to someone of ur own gender and its like “hmmm. Obviously this must be fake since we have established that Im genuinely attracted to the opposite sex ”

But the thing is..it aint going away. And then u think how you’d perhaps be down for sex, and perhaps be down for something more, and perhaps do all those nice things you would be doing with someone of the opposite sex.  

So yeah, its ..its really confusing and complicated to figure it out. And if you actually do have a feelings for someone it only makes matters more complicated ig

*

*

“Jesus, I really do like him. Me. Liking a guy.”

Again, once u made That Realisation, its just the WILDEST thing in the beginning. a complete NEW concept being applied to yourself.

*

*

“LISTEN CUT THE BULLSHIT I KNOW EXACTLY THAT YOU’RE HOME! OPEN UP OR I WILL STAND HERE ALL NIGHT I’M NOT FUCKING AROUND!” In addition to the knocking he now also started ringing the doorbell. He sure as hell wouldn’t move here until that door wasn’t opened.“I DONT GIVE A FUCK, I WON’T EVEN SLEEP AND NEITHER WILL YOU. I CAN GO ON FOREVER YOU HEAR ME, FABRIZIO MOBRICI?!”

Ermal is just unhinged in all my fics.

*

*

Epilogue

[Ermal💛]: You ready?

Fabrizio added that heart right immediately after Ermal left his house a week prior.

*

*

Ermal looked….cuddly.

So yeah we all know Fab isnt the keenest on fashion and shit. And i just though Ermal would want him to be as comfortable as possible on their date, so he was like “ay come casual” . and also, its sort of cute that Ermal lets Fabri see him so casual too, its sort of more private in that sense.

*

*

And those were still the mild surprises, let’s not start with the downright shock he felt when his brain started providing words like kissable, attractive, sexy and hot during lonelier nights.

i have a fic for those kinda nights too

*

*

“It’s not that far and God knows men your age need the exercise anyway.”

ermal just cant show affection like a normal person, he has to roast u even when he’s madly in love with u

*

*

What followed behind the colourful door was a small chaos. Literally. People constantly coming and going, with buzzing voices chatting in every corner. They made their way half through the rather crowded establishment, got greeted by a waiter who rushed past them, before they finally spotted a couple leaving, liberating two chairs for them.

SO YEAH. the restaurant. it is loosely based on a place here in Vienna. Its pakistani food too, its a buffet, its kinda chaotic like described in the fic. also u can pay as much as u want.

i just thought, yknow, its home made cooking and its kinda relaxed and chill and casual and has a certain liberal flair to it. and i thought yeah that has fabri energy we gonna use that. also their mango rice puddings fucking slap

*

*

Languages were not his forte, those belonged to Ermal, but Fabrizio ran through his options. It surely wasn’t French or Spanish, that he would at least recognise. German looked different too; they had those dots over their U’s and those curly B’s which allegedly weren’t B’s at all. Swedish? Danish? No. He’s been to Ikea often enough to know that his wardrobe wouldn’t be called Qershor. And Russian had different letters but maybe it was something similar to Russian?

Okay, so I’m a known Slut for Languages.  Fabrizio is not. I can pretty much recognise most European languages in written form at some point in a text. Fabrizio can not. Therefore writing this from the perspective of someone who really isnt into languages was kind of interesting and a bit challenging. I was just thinking ‘how would he recognise them when he isnt into them?’  And i think, in the end, i did it realistically.

*

*

“Is it like..Serbian? Croatian? Or something?” He mumbled while putting a piece of eggplant in his mouth but quickly realised the answer when Ermal almost spit out his water from laughing.“No, definitely not. I can guarantee you, it’s very much not Serbian or Croatian ‘or something’.” Ermal chuckled with a bright smile, obviously enjoying their little guessing game. “But you’re close. In a way.”

This is SO embarrassing but this whole language guessing game was just a setup to an inside joke I have with myself.  So, for those who don’t know, I speak Serbo-Croatian. And I study Slavic studies. The first things they tell you in the first lesson of the Slavic Linguistics course is “Please, for the love of God, PLEASE, dont say Albanian/Hungarian/Romanian is a slavic language”. Apparently many europeans assume these languages are because theyre surrounded by slavic countries. BUT TO AN ACTUAL SLAVIC NATIVE SPEAKER, the difference is immediately obvious and so its quite comical when people assume theyre related languages.   So i thought the reverse would be kinda funny to Ermal too.

*

*

“I can be anything the teacher wants me to be. A good student, a naughty student, whatever floats his boat…” He asked sultrily before winking at the man across of him whose higher brain functions seemed to have ceased at once and just gaped at him like a fish.

boys whole brain got fried when the sexiest man in italy started flirting with him. issokay, he was just shocked. fabrizio has never been flirty with him before, he’ll get used to it.

*

*

“I was just trying to give you the best date that I could.“At those words, the Roman frowned however."Wait, this was a date?!”

im just an asshole honestly

*

*

They giggled as they finally closed the gap between them going for a slow and deep kiss.

i just love them being all SOFT and in LOVE

*

*

“Erm, I- I have an instore tomorrow, I better be well rested.”His counterpart just huffed and raised an eyebrow.“So were you planning on staying up all night, huh?”

Fabs horn dog brain definitively went HmmmmMmm this is nice:) ..could get even nicer:)  but no fuck, i have work to do tomorrow

*

*

“Love how you immediately forget about a good night’s sleep once you have a tongue in your mouth.”“Fuck off.”

He just got carried away as if u were complaining ermal smh

*

*

"I bet on everything I have that your password is 'liberoanita1’ so yes, I actually can.”

Parents culture is just using ur children’s names as all your passwords and we all know Fabri is that kinda parent.

*

*

All in All, i also wanna talk about how the epilogue mirrors the first chapter, but in a more successful light.

Fabrizio dresses for Ermal - Ermal dresses for Fabrizio

fancy place - more casual place

They take the car - they walk

Fabrizio takes Ermals hand on the open for everyone to see - Ermal takes Fabrizios hand under the table, in private

They eat their dessert seperately - they eat theri dessert together

they fall out - they become closer, kiss

they dont talk - they plan the next date

anyway thanks for reading and thank uuuuuu for this ask julchen

[whimsicalethnographies]

My Thoughts on Endgame

Major spoilers and a TL;DR on how it all collapsed under its own wibbly wobbly timey wimey logic

So, to start, it was fine.  Like, it was just fine.  There were parts I liked, parts I hated, parts I refuse to except as canon (and may not have to), and parts that just didn’t make any damn sense.

And at the bottom of it all, is how the movie was “a gift to the fans” and, while unspoken, a swan song.  The fan service was TOO heavy, and it really felt as though they thought of their fanservice moments, and then built the story around those, rather than building a story and finding fanservice moments to sneak in.

Ok, things I liked:

There were genuinely funny moments, most of which didn’t feel smushed in.  Nobody likes the stairs Hulk, and I’m glad that Steve has accepted that sometimes his Cap lines are a little Too Much.

While I hated the death, I do like that Tony Stark is literally the messiah of the universe.  He didn’t owe anybody anything anymore, but he still took the step and made the sacrifice to protect his wife and his reality and his children.  Plural.

I did like Tony being done, wanting out, yelling at the group.  He was at his end and couldn’t do it anymore, and while there are legit discussions to have about CW--I think they were both wrong in a way--but the fact is he was right about the greater threat and nobody believed him.

I can’t believe a dorky photo of Peter Parker looking like a fish and messing up bunny ears and Tony Stark not smiling saved the universe.

Tom Holland is gonna win an Oscar some day.  I knew what happened going in--I HATE not knowing--so while I got teary during several points, I started blubbering when he said, “we won, Mr. Stark.  Mr. Stark, we won.  You did it, sir.”

RDJ should win an Oscar for this.  There were moments that were OOC but he still put everything into it.  Him, Nat, and Peter were really the only ones I *felt* in this movie.  

Their reunion hug--Peter coming back and being Purely Peter, and Tony looking at him, like oh my god, he’s exactly the same and I can’t believe he’s rambling like this I missed him so much.”

“Activate Instant Kill!”  Oh, my sweet baby boy Peter.  You kept the gauntlet safer than longer than anyone.

Tony Stark has been my Pretend Superhero Dad since I first saw Iron Man in 2008 in a dollar theater while munching on a sneaked-in Whopper.  He is Iron Dad, both to Morgan and his Spider-son and he took an extra step, one he didn’t have to do, to make sure they both made it ok.

Also, and I love Carol, but Thanos yeeted her the fuck off the field with the power stone.  Tony Stark withstood the power stone using his nanotech shield on Titan.  Most Powerful Avenger.

Scott is a joy.  

Cap and Mjolnir was an okay scene I enjoyed, but it was a prime example of writing the story around fanservice.  Yeah, it was fun, but it was better to imagine he couldn’t fully lift it in AoU because he knew about Bucky and the Starks, so he wasn’t fully worthy.

Now, the things I *didn’t* like:

How did Carol find the Benetar?  And how did she get it back?!  Like, I know because she’s the embodiment of the Space Stone she technically has omnipresence and/or is capable of light speed, but does that extend to other objects?  Wouldn’t it have torn the Benetar apart?  

The time jump was *off.*  And I have a hard time believing Tony would have just moved on like that.  I think he would have tried, but it was too easy, considering.

The strange mismatch between desolation--NYC, arguably the most important city in the world, is a ghost town, while other places are fine?  More on infrastructure problems later.

Hulk dabbing.  Come on.  Was that a joke on Bruce being old and out of touch, or are people still dabbing in 2023?

Thor.  Oh Thor.  His PTSD was treated as a joke--save his convo with Frigga--and it sucked, especially since they did so well with Tony’s PTSD.  That’s the writers, who we all know have had their noses up Cap’s butt since forever.

The fact that it’s implied Pepper knew Tony wasn’t really happy when he went to talk to her about solving time travel.  That he wasn’t settled, that this still weighed on him, even when it was hopeless.  Why’d she let him build that life then?  

“You can rest now.”  Yeah, ok.  Suffer so much, finally get what you want in your grasp, then your reward is death.  See above.  It cheapens his sacrifice because it’s implied he was never fully immersed and happy with his life.

Nat got done dirty.  I wasn’t ok with it.  I know it was supposed to be the final, “erase the red in her ledger” moment but why?  Like Tony, she already had. 

The infrastructure issues.  The universe was halfed, then doubled, five years apart.  Even if we accept that all of Peter’s friends and Flash were snapped, still doesn’t fly.  See below for a possible out.

Cap.  Oh Cap.  My guy is dead but at least he’s The Hero.  But they ruined Cap’s character.  I don’t for a second believe he’d just sit and hide with Peggy.  And they discussed heavily what happens when you subtract something from a timeline, and the splits, but what happens when you ADD something?  I know the implication is that he was always Peggy’s husband, but it still doesn’t work, for the timelines stuff AND his character.  And who’d he steal the shield from?  He took something!  And I don’t for a single second believe he went to Vormir.  Nope.   This was Steggy fanfic.  And I don’t honestly care, but the fact is that he’s been working on moving FORWARD.  A man out of his time trying to find himself.  He literally took a step backwards.

Ok, adding on to that, the timey wimey nonsense.  The movie spent SO MUCH TIME explaining the logic of their own rules and then don’t follow them.  Here are some diagrams from my childhood bestie who gets time shit more than I do.

Apparently here is what they were trying.

They seesaw back and forth, but in the end Timeline F is the same as Timeline A, or the one they started from.

BUT, here’s her diagram of what actually happened:

It’s a big fat mess, and if the End Timeline is F, then the timeline where Tony snaps is D, and it got very confusing very fast.  She’s going to type it up for me, but apparently the last third of the movie can’t exist per their own logic, least of all the end, especially because we don’t know exactly what Tony wished for.  Was it the destruction of Thanos?  What happens when you add a past to a future then delete that past?  Where’s that timeline?  What happened with Steve’s stuff?  LOKI? A1 never ended because they literally took it. It’s not there anymore.  Steve stealing the Pym Particles?!  He took something and didn’t put it back. Another branch off.  Did Tony wish, “give me what I need to fix this?”  IF he did that, she posits, he smushed the timelines together to make everything coherent, AND potentially fix the infrastructure issues, so while A Tony’s BODY may have died, which Tony was it?  Did he have a moment in the soul stone, like Thanos?  Is that a requirement?  What did he do/say there?  (Also, just pointing out, never trust a funeral without a body, and the power of the Soul Stone is literally that no death is permanent.  That’s its canonical power!!)

There’s so much mess and I’ll have more when my friend sends along her stuff.  But I have NO problem deleting most of this from my mind, and I already have ideas to fix it, but I’ll leave those stories in the hands of people better able to tell them (I’m looking at you, @iron--spider) because I’m a dialogue bitch myself. 

I told @iron--spider last night I felt adrift, and typing this out I know why.  I’m not mourning, I’m not excited.  I’m devastated by Tony’s death but there’s so many logic holes my brain isn’t even struggling to see a way around it.  I’m livid about Steve, because he went backwards.  Thor’s trauma was played for laughs.  I have no satisfaction because of ALL THE HOLES, and because they literally wrote a story around fanservice--a huge amount of it their own--instead of writing the story and then adding fanservice to it.  

It was fine.  I’ll probably buy it when it’s released, but I don’t need to see it again.  And I’m curious about Far From Home because of the infrastructure but I don’t know if I’ll wait until it’s out on video just because I don’t have any urge to watch Peter Parker mourn another parent.

In the meantime, until the fix-its start rolling in, here’s a ready-made fix-it that Iron--spider wrote last year, to hold us through:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/15183011/chapters/35211239

It was fine.  And so full of holes it doesn’t even cement its own canon, despite what Disney officially decided to put on the big screen.  

“I recognize the council has made a decision, but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision, I’ve elected to ignore it.”

[dracula-in-purple-story]

Pride Month 2/3 [BONUS]

Pride Race is here!

Author’s Note : All of this is ENTIRELY NON-CANON. I’m still working on my writing skills. Thank You and Enjoy, hopefully.

It’s the second week of Pride Month, and the first day of Pride Race! People of all species are mixing their crowd to group up before twelve o’clock strike. Some are changing their colours constantly, some are stretching their bodies out, some are puzzling with excitement, some are waxing their spikes or tentacles and much more species are doing warm up or just talked around to ease their own tension.

The Pride Race are something to be excited as it is the only tournament that can be set and create by winners of the last Pride Race. It’s even more exciting since this is the first Pride Race that the underground citizens get to join. The stands and Audience Area is overfilled with both residents and visitors but they really didn’t mind as the games is starting.

Team CephaHook have the biggest noise around them as they consisted of two mega pop stars and half of the members in the strongest League Team. Hachi is too immersed into clips of some previous Pride Race, Huit is doing work outs with Tres while Off the Hook are just waiting for the race to began. “It’s great to have you guys in the team! Me and Pearlie can’t find other friends to substitute for Sashimori. They have to take care of Paul while cheering on the stands there.”

Huit grinned at Marina after Tres pulled her up, “Don’t worry, Marina. We are going to try our best!” Pearl snorted as she looked up the girl in the eye. “Try? Pfft, we are going to win! If we win, we get to choose some event for those try-hards!”

“But, we are going to have fun, right?”

“Yeah, but our main priority is to win, yo! It’s like the most challenging League that is custom made!”

“I agree with Pearl, sister.” Hachi looked up from his OctoPhone, “Those clips Fior downloaded for me are totally nuts! Not as crazy as the test but it’s crazy enough to know they are a one-time thing!”

“One... time?” Huit jaw-dropped as she tried to see if her brother is lying. “You mean, we only get to play those fancy games... once?”

He nodded. And the clock strikes to twelve.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Welcome to this year’s Pride Race! We were the winners from the previous Pride Race, the Squid Agents!” Callie shouted, “I see a lot of familiar faces that is ready to face their challenges again! But would they win this time? Because this year, we got a lot of visiting players from the underground!”

“It would make our games much more interesting, Cal.” Marie smirked, “In the meantime, we would state the usual good old rules for the newbies. One, respect your opponent. Two, don’t physically or mentally hurt people. Three, don’t glorify your sexuality or gender.”

“We also add a specific rule for people with spiky hair.” Sei added, “Especially Team Roadies, please don’t use your spike on chairs-related games, sincerely from the participants of the Musical Chairs from the previous Pride Race.” a group of Aromantic Urchins laugh uncontrollably as they high five at each other.

“Before we start the games, let us explain how the Race work. I would like some silence please, so the people without the speakers around could hear me.” Erek started as soon as the crowd quieten, “For the first day of the Race, we would have some elimination round to determine the sixteen groups that are going to be in the next round. As the days goes on, the system would tally the results for us to announce at the final day. The team with the most points wins and would be able to decide the games for the next Pride Race!”

Excitement cheers and roars are everywhere. Some people are doing their own battlecries, some are inkstagramming or doing live in their phones and some are being annoyed about the noises and wished it could start already. 

~~~~~~~~~~

The first game is Egg Hunt. People who found a coloured egg would proceed to the next game. At first, finding them is easy enough but-

“Sorry, Team Fruit Jam. Not the egg we wanted. DISQUALIFIED!”

Many groups were disqualified one after another. Some group who are lucky enough got into the next round. This game took quite long as the sun began to set.

“I knew this is too easy to proceed...” Marina pouted as she heard the announcement that another team are disqualified. Pearl and Tres grunted while the octoling twins are still analysing between the five eggs they have collected. They need to be quick because Fior just announced the fifteen group had just qualified, making the remaining teams to scatter around like crazy. Hachi thought for a while, “Tres?”

“Yes, Hachi?”

“Can you check those eggs that the qualified teams brought up to stage?”

Tres shrugged before running to the stage. She returned with a photo and she pass it to Hachi. He looked between the pictures and the five eggs they got. “PfftHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Hachi suddenly got up, “Why we didn’t think of that?” It’s just right in front of us!” He exclaimed as he quickly picked up the egg from the far right and before anyone could react, he ran to the stage and present to them.

“Wait, yo, Hachi!” Pearl shouted, “We don’t want to get disqualified. This is not what we are here f-”

“WE HAVE OUR LAST LUCKY TEAM WHO WILL ENTER THE NEXT ROUND! CONGRATULATION, TEAM CEPHAHOOK!” Fior shouted as she shook Hachi’s hand enthusiastically. All the remaining teams, including Hachi’s, were shocked. And scream and shout emerged quickly.

“What?! How?!”

“This is outrageous! What is this?!”

“I. Demand. Explanation.”

“Ryan, we talk about this. Don’t threaten with a chair.”

“YES! HACHI, OUR ONLY BOY! WE QUALIFIED! TAKE THAT, SUCKERS!”

“We can play more games now?”

“Yes, Huit dear. Let’s go to the stage to take our qualification letter, shall we?” Marina said gently as she hold Huit’s hand while carrying Pearl like a sack, who doesn’t mind. Tres followed behind with the remaining four eggs with intentions to give it to her younger siblings.

~~~~~~~~~~

New day, new game! All teams are gathered at the bottom of Mount Nantai with flying cameras all around. A big television was positioned at the side of the starting line.

“Okay, brother. You have to tell me about this! How do you found out that that’s our egg we have been searching?” Huit questioned him as she starting to do some stretches with Tres, who stopped to listen. Marina also stopped what she is doing while Pearl is busy making verse for their upcoming album. 

“It’s actually supposed to be easy but our girlfriend confused us.” Hachi smirked a little bit, “She said coloured eggs. Not any colour but specifically, Pride Colours.”

“Pride Colours?” Tres continued her stretching, “She never said to anything about it, didn’t she?” Hachi nodded before took out the SquidPhone his girlfriend used. He pointed at the very picture that portrayed all fifteen eggs, but with something that Hachi said, the three noticed something.

“Why, it is Pride Colours! Why didn’t we thought of that?”

“Knowing that sneaky dwarf, Marina, it’s to make everything much more confusing and time-consuming.” the bitter inkling grumbled as the television is switched on, a clip showing Erek.

“Welcome to Mount Nantai! Today, we are going to have Obstacle Relay Race. This game required 3 team players only. The rest could stay right in front of this television to view their teammates.” Erek grinned widely, “Before we start to teleported your place to the spawn point located at the checkpoints, few warnings would be told. Don’t use any shortcuts even if you venture this place well. Rely on your instinct as you dodged obstacles. Don’t trigger the traps. The fastest one to end up in the finish line would be awarded the most points!”

The clip was closed off. Team Cephahook sent out Tres, Huit and Marina as representatives. As the second and third representatives were teleported off to their checkpoints, the clip was opened again. Erek look apologetic, “Hehe... I forgot to tell you. Avoid getting splatted as you would be respawned to where you started. Good luck!”

~~~~~~~~~~

Screams of team players are displayed on the Audience Area as they got splatted on each direction, causing them to respawned from where they started. Only Tres and Ikkan are still alive and kept on dodging the obstacles.

“Are you sure they are going to be okay?” Erek peek through from his hands that he cover on his eyes. Fior and Marie are eating popcorns while Sei and Callie are so worried they sweat buckets.

“Oh, pwease!” Fior mumbled through her full mouth, “They arr goiee to be fwine!” 

“I hope so. Besides, Rekki add in some harmless stuff, right?” Sei gulped nervously as Tres doing backflips over and over. He know that Tres’ imaginary middle name is Acrobatics Danger but he can’t help feeling nauseous as she keep flipping back and forth.

Erek gasped, “Actually... there is one thing I added in because of my Grandmama’s suggestion...”

“What is it?” Callie fidgeted as Tres and Ikkan passed the baton, “What did you add in?”

“Well...”

~~~~~~~~~~

 “Oh god, Holy Mackerel! Why are these guys spitting bullets at us?!” Warabi shouted as they got pulled behind the tree by Marina. The OctoCommanders stopped as they couldn’t see them. They squinted around before going back into their position as they saw other players are coming. Splatting one after another, sending them back to their Checkpoint Spawn Point.

“Since you are not from the underground, I should tell you to start run quickly because those guys are fast at splatting their foes.” Marina explained as she analysed the situation before them. Three OctoCommanders, aligned in a row with large space between each of them. She looked around to see other Octoling and Octarian players shielded themselves and protecting their clueless friends after they got splatted once. “Luckily, the only sharp sense they have is sight. We need a decoy.”

“A decoy? Better not be me because I ain’t got those military lessons you had, Marina.” 

“I know,” Marina smiled dangerously, “that’s why we have to make a fake decoy for them to focus on.”

“Yeah, right. Let’s make a decoy out of dried grass and throw some stones in it.” they exclaimed sarcastically, “As if they are going to work.”

Warabi looked around and saw those Octolings and Octarians are tying some dried grass together and throw rocks in it. They looked in disbelief, “Are you guys freaking serious?”

~~~~~~~~~~

The teams are on the edge of their seats. 

“Well, well! Looks like they decided to cooperate together in order to get past the mighty OctoCommanders! And the Octarians are leading them with some sort of decoy!” Erek’s sound came through the speaker. Teams are either fidgeting around or praying nervously. Only Pearl is looking confident, after all, that’s her girlfriend who leads this operation. Nothing to worry about.

The participating players seems to scoot around trees to trees or bushes to bushes. Three of them got too close for comfort. Before the non-participant even came to their senses-

“Fire in the hole!” the closing three Octoling players suddenly emerged out from their bushes to throw some large packages highly on top of each of the OctoCommanders. After that, two of the Twintacle Octotroopers and Marina came out with their handmade slingshots. “Ready...” Marina commanded as the three of them put a sharp rocks in the slingshot, “Aim... Shoot!”

On the screen, the packages is on fire. It lands on top of each OctoCommanders perfectly on fire. They dropped their splatling gun as they took off their berets, patting aggressively on where the fire lands.

“I don’t want to believe this plan actually work... I refuse to believe it...” Warabi mumbled as they ran through the spaces with the rest. The OctoCommanders saw them as they finally get rid of the fire but before they got their guns ready, all of them had ran far away.

The members scooted closer to the television as they squirmed around. “Count on Mommy Marina to do such dangerous stunts like this...” Hachi grasped both his hands tightly that it looks like it hurt.

Pearl smirked. “Ha! That’s not even come close to what she had been inventing in her room!” she retorted, “You should really see that she turned her room to a mad scientist lab, literally.”

“Is that why she’s been sleeping with you?”

“We are lovers, Chi. Besides, she’s still cute with her pouts and dusts on her face.”

“Whatever you said, Mama.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“Please tell me that’s Lady Octivia’s idea, Erek...”

“Actually, that’s Kevin’s one.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“I told you already, you literal seaweed! All of us got teleported to the end of the cliff! What do you want me to do?”

The brawny Transgender Angel fish raised his voice as his teammate kept on telling him to go. He’s right though, there’s no more path for them to run forward. The sun is starting to set and they are starting to get very anxious but excited that they have such difficult challenge. 

Huit, on the other hand, seems to know something. After what happened to Marina and Tres, from what she heard, they got encountered a lot of traps. Somehow, she realized something. “Marina? Tres got lots of traps with ink, right? Are they Octarian technology?”

“Now you said it, they really look familiar. Like those traps for invasion...”

Huit quickly grabbed a handful of dirts and threw it towards the cliff. Most of the dirts fell out like normal but-

“Are those dirts... floating?!” a Skoliosexual Crab yelled in shock. All of them turned to where she pointed and immediately got freak out, except for the underground citizens. 

“Oh, invisible paths and walls... how I absolutely love them!”

“Remember how we always bumped into them? Screw this tech.”

“Good thing I took the second baton, am I right, Rockenberg?”

“Shut it, Etce.”

“Why did our ancestors invent this again?”

“Hello, invisible techs my old nemesis.”

As they get busied themselves into the conversation, Huit had gathered a bag of dirts. She throw it and make a conveniently visible path as she goes on, being very careful on not slipping down. As she get closer to the finish line, where Team Squid Agents are with a few flying camera drones, she heard rustling and shouting behind.

“Get out of the way, sea donkeys! Make way!”

“Don’t push, you seacow!”

“Let me get that guy! He pushed me and I need to avenge for myself!”

Crowds of the third baton players are squeezing themselves in and out. Some even fall and ended up getting splatted. Huit got frightened and hurried her process. She almost reached to the end and realised, she was out of dirt. As the crowd getting closer or a few of them filled one after another, she kneel down and use her baton to locate. She crawled and crawled, with a few missteps, until she finally reached the finish line.

“Are you alright, sweetheart? You look pale.” Sei comforted as he caress her face. She broke their intimate contact before snuggled right into his embrace. “I could tell you this is going to be fun, Sei.”

[freedom-shamrock]

End of the Year Tag

I got tagged by the super amazing @perditaalottachocolate-blog (if you aren’t familiar with her blog, you should check it out.

~favourite food?~ Samosas, Szechuan dry fried green beans, pasta, mangos... I have a lot of favorites

~favourite drink?~ Chai tea

~favourite clothing?~ Comfy - I’m currently wearing karate pants, a t-shirt, and a fleece lined flannel shirt.

~favourite product?~ Favorite product of 2018... not sure I have one.  I try to place beings above things.

~favourite month?~ All of them had their high points and their low points.

~favourite season?~ I like living where there are four seasons.  Though with climate change, we’re really getting cheated out of our spring and fall. 

~favourite holiday?~ Chinese New Year

~favourite place?~ I have many, most invoke a feeling of magic.  I like my home office (I make magic with words here).  I like the bike trails near my house.  There’s a park called Swede Hollow right in the heart of St. Paul that feels like you’re not in a city at all. The north woods of Wisconsin have all sorts of moss and that makes me happy.  I probably should have answered this one with pictures.

~best experience?~ What was best of 2018...Being told that I was a great editor to work with.

~best song?~ Too many choices!  Can’t do it!

~best movie?~ Too many choices!

~best series?~ I watch so little television.  But I’m finally watching Sensei8.  Also have enjoyed Trollhunters and Little Witch Academia this year.

~best book?~ Scourge of the Seas of Time (and Space), edited by Catherine Lundoff

~best videogame?~ I don’t really play videogames because of my disability.  But my brother was able to set me up with DosBox and the old Warllords game of my University days.  :)

~have you unlearned any bad habits?~ Eh.  Not this year.

~biggest disappointment?~ Having to pull my daughter from the Mandarin immersion school we were heavily invested (emotionally) in due to intractable bullying.

~worst experience?~ Losing my old dog on Valentine’s day.

~any new hobbies?~ Nothing new.

~did you achieve your goals for 2018?~ Some yes, some no.  But it was a good mix.

~have you fulfilled a long-term wish?~ Not really?  

~have you tried something new this year?~ Yes.  New food, of course.  But also new photo editing software and how to make documents accessible to those with visual impairments.

~what plans or wishes do you have for next year?~ Read and write more original fiction.  Pick up enough clients to make my freelance business truly independent.

~what was the funniest moment?~ Tough call.  I know I read some funny stories and saw some funny art.  BUt having trouble picking something.

~what are you thankful for?~ My family, my friends (including those I only know online), and my tiny dog.

I’m no pressure tagging: @seasonofthegeek, @miraculousturtle, @possiblyeggs, @the-wheel-comes-full-circle, @gigiree, @mplsfred, @galahadwilder

[doux-amer]

I FINALLY SAW CAPTAIN MARVEL AND I GOT EMOTIONAL WATCHING IT. Okay, calming down now. As a lot of you know, my expectations were low as the marketing was lackluster, I was nervous about certain choices that were made, etc., and even though I avoided any CM chatter, I heard murmurs of mixed reactions...so my expectations were pretty much on the floor when I went to see it. I just hoped it would be fun even if it was okay, but uh...I REALLY ENJOYED IT. It’s not perfect and when I was talking to Alanna, she said people said it reminded them of CA:TFA (it really does in certain ways and I get why they said it, but TFA, for all its cheese and its weaknesses, is one of my favorite MCU movies lol). BUT! I! LOVED! IT! I don’t care about the unevenness because all that fell to the wayside by the sheer, all-encompassing joy I felt watching it. 

This is how I wanted to feel watching Wonder Woman because I adored Diana as a little girl and it didn’t happen although I kept quiet about my disappointment because I wanted people to go support it anyway as it was super important that it did well. THIS THOUGH. I wanted to punch my fist in the air so many times and laugh and hug and hang out with Carol. I JUST. GOD. 

I’ve experienced unfettered happiness and fun before with Marvel—that’s how I felt with The Avengers and with Spider-man: Homecoming. But this? This was the first time I was a fan of someone from the comics before seeing a movie and seeing it come to life the way I so hoped she would. It was extremely special because of that particular element and I got emotional because of it which I didn’t expect. I really felt disconnected to Carol from what I saw in the trailers and was afraid the movie wouldn’t resonate because it would be very white feminist-y. It wasn’t. And that hero on the screen? THAT WAS MY GIRL CAROL. I’m kind of getting slightly misty-eyed writing this. But GOD, I waited years for this and it’s just overwhelming wth!

I’m going to do my usual bullet points. If you want to avoid spoilers, scroll past this long post:

I was turned off by the silliness of the trailers and Carol’s more serious moments came off as unconvincing in them, so I expected not to connect with her. I WAS WRONG. I GOT MY GIRL. I’M WEEPING! She’s emotional! She’s feisty and bullheaded. She can be serious and fueled by anger. She can be fun even when she’s a fierce warrior, but not to the point that it’s distracting! Her humor is very much her own and very much Carol. It’s not witty. It’s goofy. She clearly finds herself hilarious which I LOVED. SHE’S SO DORKY, SMILING AT HER OWN JOKES. 

The movie stayed away from what could have been a cringeworthy white savior undercurrent by making Carol culpable in the suffering of the oppressed. I know the Skrulls are aliens and look like them unlike the other aliens we’ve seen who you can’t exactly forget are played by POC characters, but lbr that narrative is about refugees and...look at current events lmao. As a Kree warrior, even if she unknowingly participated in the Kree-Skrull war ignorant of the truth, she hurt a lot of innocent people. And that’s great! It’s not that she was this pure person swooping in to save the weak or whatever. This is something she had to grapple with once her memories came back and her eyes were opened and she knew she had to make amends.

It reminded me strongly of Tony in IM1 with Obie dealing under the table to terrorists and becoming a part of a corrupt machine without meaning to. It didn’t matter that that was the case; he still felt responsible and accountability became a huge part of his story.

This origin story reminded me of Cap’s, not because of the whole military aspect to it lol but because of how she’s “just human.” Carol never gives up and Steve doesn’t either. They get knocked down? They’ll shake it off and stand back up. I might’ve gotten a little emotional here too which I didn’t expect. Plus she wanted to prove to herself that she could do whatever the hell she set her heart on. The other parallel was the whole fighting for the government/military who end up not being so great and going rogue thing.

It made me sad because we won’t get the Steve-Tony-Carol friendship we so deserve, but lol while the credits were rolling, my sister was like “Yeah, Tony’s going to die” because she’s the obvious successor. Originally she said it was because of his powers when I asked why and then she agreed when I pointed out that it’s not just because of his powers, but in terms of personality and a whole slew of things that reminded me of him AND Steve (it’s like Peter in CA:CW and SM:H). She feels like the linchpin holding the MCU together like them too. 

Like the fact that Carol was the reason for the Avengers’ existence! That was obvious, but that scene where Fury’s typing on the computer and he looks at that photo of her before changing the name of the initiative? HM....I WAS VERKLEMPT.

Also, I loved how they made her get her powers. It wasn’t an accident. No one sacrificed their life for her. She got her powers because of her own actions. She got her powers because she was being a HERO. SHE IS WHO SHE IS BECAUSE OF HERSELF. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!

Speaking of that, I was surprised by the Mar-Vell plot twist because we all thought that would be Jude Law and I expected Annette Bening to be someone else (who she sort of ended up being anyway) lol. I didn’t mind that they did that. Love that she was Carol’s mentor.

I loved the female relationships. CAROL AND MARIA’S SCENES. MARIA BELIEVING IN HER. MARIA TALKING ABOUT HOW HARD IT WAS FOR HER AS A SINGLE MOM AND A WOMAN IN THE AIR FORCE, BUT CAROL DIDN’T CARE ABOUT THAT. THE PHOTOGRAPHS OF THEIR LIFE TOGETHER...BINCH...I MAY HAVE BLINKED OUT A TEAR!!!!! Carol being cute with Monica! Monica urging her mom to be a hero while Maria wanted to watch out for her because she has Monica to think of now, not just herself. Monica being responsible for Carol’s Captain Marvel getup! Carol and Maria getting involved with Lawson because she was their ticket to proving themselves and moving up! 

And yet the movie didn’t get too hammy and heavy-handed with feminism (I hate it when some people write stuff that way because I find it extremely sloppy and ineffective)! We didn’t have to have a female villain just because we had a female lead superhero. We didn’t have to have moments where Carol says preachy lines. That moment where she just raised her eyebrow at the motorcycle dude? Fantastic. She didn’t have to deal with that scumbag. That moment where Yon-Rogg tried to pull a typical Man Move TM by trying to make her prove herself to him (and trying to take ownership of her development and strength)? She didn’t have to be all cocky and say some quip or cheesy af line. She wasn’t even that angry because he’s not worth it. He’s an ant beneath her foot. He’s irrelevant. She just says it straight up that she doesn’t have to prove anything to him, and that was what made that so powerful for me. It resonated because she said it like it was the truth, plain and simple, and it WAS. 

No romance shoved in not because Carol didn’t need no man as a Strong Woman but because there are more important things at stake and honestly, the romance was with her wife Maria her relationships with other humans and the Skrulls were the emotional crux. They’re an important part of who she is and of rediscovering her identity. God...like her relationship with Fury? So well done. It was the buddy cop movie that I so wanted. I loved their jokes and their mutual respect for each other. I love how they became so important to each other and we saw Fury deeply care about someone and showing that. One of my favorite scenes is the one where they’re washing dishes together. 

They also didn’t shove Coulson in too much which I was afraid of. We got to see where Fury started off, a greener one but one who was as compelling because he was so human. We got to see Fury deeply caring about someone and so openly (this is the guy who said, “I'm just an old man who cares very much about you“ to Tony in AoU). It was nice seeing how the whole belief in superheroes thing truly started with the both of them (Coulson had his whole Cap thing, but I feel like this was the moment where he imagined having a hero like that in his own time was possible).

Uh let’s see. I love Goose. I don’t particularly care for animals in movies even though I know people obsess about them, but they didn’t overdo Goose’s part. 

All the little callbacks to the comics! KSD showing up! 

The period part of the period piece wasn’t overdone which I appreciated. Carol typing made me laugh, the slow download and AOL shoutout made me laugh, and damn, the fashion and music? I was over the moon. You didn’t have to go over the top to make us immersed in the 90s. Also, my heart sang when we got Carol on a bike on the open road in a leather jacket. The bliss I felt is indescribable tbh.

Ooh the special effects were good for the most part! Loved seeing her fly and loved seeing her gut ships and destroy missiles. It felt real. Space didn’t feel cheesy af to me which was a problem I had with GotG 1. 

Speaking of flying and punching things, it was so viscerally satisfying to see her do that. One of the things that really did it for me was how she enjoyed her powers. It was exhilarating seeing her fly for the first time (similar to seeing Tony taking out the suit for a test flight in IM1). Her little laugh/whoop of excitement? That’s what it would be like to discover you can fly! That grin when she breaks free of the Kree dampening her powers and she can feel her powers at full force running through her? That’s what it would be like to be at 100% and have all that. I wanted to jump out of my seat and feel what she felt. It made her powers not feel very OTT-overpowered? Carol has....too many powers and is super strong to the point that she’s overpowered, but uh...idk I didn’t have a problem with it here, mainly because of this. 

The post-credits scenes were good too like....WOW, HUH. I watched this in Dolby (my first Dolby experience!) and I GOT EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY THIRSTY OVER STEVE IN A BEARD AND OUT OF HIS SUIT AND A TIGHT WHITE SHIRT!!! I DON’T KNOW HOW I KEPT IT TOGETHER BECAUSE I ALMOST DIDN’T WHICH WOULD’VE BEEN EMBARRASSING. BUT PHEW!!!!!! STEVE? WHAT A *****!!! Thought the scene was nice too even though I wish Carol got better hair. I assume she flew and that’s why she looks so bedraggled, but uhfhghdaoifhas I hated her hair in this and want Carol to get the nice hair she deserves (preferably a short butch cut...thanks. C’mon, Brie wants it too). OH, ALMOST COMPLETELY FORGOT TO MENTION THAT IT BROKE MY HEART TO HEAR HER SAY, “YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHO I AM. I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM” AND TO NOT KNOW WHERE SHE BELONGS. SHE’S NOT KREE, BUT SHE’S NO LONGER FULLY HUMAN NOT ONLY BECAUSE OF HER POWERS BUT BECAUSE OF HER LIFE ON HALA AS WELL. I loved how we saw her journey to accepting that and who she is now and how that was all tied up nicely with her wearing her old leather jacket the Rambeaus kept for her and her new suit as she goes into space. What a great moment and a nice visual cue to a comics cover I really like of Carol wearing her jacket over her suit and staring up at the stars. I feel like trying to find her place and her identity are important to her so I loved that we got that here and we’ll hopefully see more of that.

There are a bunch of negatives here (a bunch of stuff about the Tesseract that go against canon, the Skrulls (makeup, personalities, nerfed powers and threat level imo, etc.), subpar writing and acting at moments, etc.), but I seriously don’t care at all because I enjoyed the ride. My happiness dwarfs every little thing I could have nitpicked. I don’t care!!! I had so much fun! I liked the movie a lot!

[reactingtosomething]

If They Liked This, They May Also Like...

Holiday Shopping with Reacting to Something

stock photo shamelessly lifted from

We know we haven’t generated original content in a very long time, but we wanted to get into the holidays in a way that was more or less on brand. So in the spirit of a Netflix recommendation algorithm, here are some suggestions for what to buy friends and family who liked some of the movies we saw in 2018 (including a couple that premiered in late 2017).

It’s probably obvious, but just to be super clear, the format below is --

If they liked this: They may also like this

Miri’s Gift Guide

The Shape of Water: I shouldn’t say a day pass to an aquarium because it’s a terrible, easy joke BUT I AM WHO I AM.

If you’re not a garbage person, maybe consider the rest of Del Toro’s creature filmography, anything related to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or a collection of fairy tales by the Brothers Grimm or Hans Christian Andersen. Dark and gritty originals, not the tidied up versions.

Call Me By Your Name: NO, I WILL NOT SAY ANYTHING TO DO WITH PEACHES BECAUSE EVEN I HAVE LIMITS. APPARENTLY. The book is a lovely, lyrical, tragic read (or listen, if you go with the Armie Hammer audiobook as I did), and I would also recommend giving a gift of solitary artistic pleasure in whatever way speaks to your intended recipient—a CD, a ticket to an art exhibit, a coffee table book of a painter you think they will love. Something beautiful that requires a little bit of space to enjoy privately.

Black Panther: The new Shuri comic! (I am a hypocrite because I haven’t read it yet but it looks so awesome!) Also, there are some choice funko pops for Black Panther, which are a nice, reasonable price and make a great desk or bookshelf addition.

Annihilation: A DVD of Arrival and a book on fascinating genetic mutations. (The photo above is from the first linked book.) Also, tell them about the Twitter account Tessa as Goats, which is a true gift to us all.

Game Night: A murder mystery game! Or whatever game you think most appeals to them, but I personally think the immersive nature of a murder mystery is a true delight. Also, something Olivia the Dog themed because she’s awesome.

A Wrinkle in Time: For the actual child: one of the books published under the Rick Riordan Presents banner.

For the child in all of us: a soothing and/or empowering adult coloring book and some nice colored pencils.

Thoroughbreds: Really cool sunglasses.

Love, Simon: Tickets to the upcoming Clea DuVall helmed queer rom com starring Kristen Stewart and YES this is a request for myself, obviously.

Blockers: Make them a dance music playlist on Spotify!! (Or burn an actual CD for peak nostalgia/those who enjoy physical media.) And if you have some time together, have your own dance party with as many or as few people as you want.

photo illustration by 

Ocean’s 8: LEVERAGE! BUY THEM A SEASON OF LEVERAGE!!! Give them the gift of even more cons and fun!

Incredibles 2: If they are parents: a night out without the children (this could mean a gift certificate or an offer to babysit). If not, try something heroic like these ornaments, or something that helps them learn to be their own hero, like a self defense or kickboxing class.

Tag: LASER TAG! It’s so fun, even if you’re bad at it! Give a gift card or book a session together and enjoy chasing each other around like giant, fun-loving idiots.

photo illustration from

Set It Up: A massage. Anyone who related to this movie too much is likely very much in need of stress relief. Also, a large quantity of popcorn to be eaten in whatever manner they wish with no shame at all.

Hotel Artemis: A Swiss army knife and a couple of airplane bottles of booze.

Sorry to Bother You: An Oaktown t-shirt (I have been told by someone from the area that this is A Thing but I don’t actually know and I’m sorry for that) and a copy of Kafka’s Metamorphosis.

Crazy Rich Asians: Ideally, a whirlwind food tour of Singapore. If that’s not feasible, a Hulu subscription so they can enjoy Constance Wu’s full comic potential in Fresh Off the Boat. And a really nice candle, because it’s a small decadence that can really go a long way.

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before: The Wedding Date by Jasmine Guillory (if they like a steamy read), tall socks (if they like to be cozy and cute), and custom stationary (if they like to live dangerously).

A Simple Favor: A cocktail shaker, fancy bitters, a really good mystery novel.

Widows: Tickets to go see Widows again because it’s amazing and is probably even more amazing a second time.

Kris’s Recommended Reading 

Wildlife or Widows: The H-Spot: The Feminist Pursuit of Happiness

As I say in my Amazon review, this is the best applied ethics text I was never assigned. In fairness to my professors, attorney-turned-journalist Jill Filipovic hadn’t written it yet when I was a philosophy student. Filipovic is also not a philosopher. But she is a brilliant writer and a rigorous thinker, and The H-Spot is fundamentally and explicitly an Aristotelian ethical project. That is to say, it takes the starting position that political organization should be aimed at the goal of human flourishing (as opposed to, say, economic growth). From there Filipovic builds a case, or maybe it's better to say several cases, for specific ways in which American policy fails women and disproportionately women of color in this aim, and concrete ways in which it could address this failure. She does so largely through first-hand accounts of several women across America, in a wide range of socioeconomic circumstances. Although the institutions and less formal systems in play are complicated, the questions at the heart of all this are simple: What do women want? What do women need?

Filipovic asks these questions without pre-judgment, and without assuming that any answers are too unrealistic to consider. Not that anyone she talks to asks for anything "unrealistic." Partly this is because they often speak from too much experience for the unrealistic to occur to them as something they deserve to ask for, but also, the idea that woman-friendly policy is unrealistic is a Bad Take to begin with. Filipovic doesn't need to be pie-in-the-sky utopian to show how things could be much better for women (and by extension, it should but still doesn't go without saying, for everyone).

I left academic philosophy over five years ago, but I really think each chapter (built around topics like friendship, sex, parenting, and food) is brimming with potential paper topics for grad and undergrad students of ethics and/or political philosophy. Whether you’re philosophically inclined or not, if you think “women should be happy” and “the point of civilization is to make happiness easier for everyone” are uncontroversial claims, The H-Spot is the book for you -- and for your friends who loved the several underestimated women of Widows, or Carey Mulligan’s captivating portrayal in Wildlife of a woman doing the best she could within the restrictions of her era.

Black Panther: A Nation Under Our Feet

Though it helps to have some familiarity with the Avengers storylines that led up to Ta-Nehisi motherfucking Coates’s first year on the Black Panther comic -- as well as with the excellent opening arc of Matt Fraction’s Invincible Iron Man -- here’s all that even a new comics reader really needs to know before jumping into Nation: King T’Challa, the Black Panther, was recently unable to prevent several consecutive disasters in Wakanda. Both as a cause and as a result of these disasters, T’Challa worked with the so-called “Illuminati” (Tony Stark, Reed Richards, Stephen Strange, and other intellectual and strategic heavyweights) to prevent the end of the multiverse itself. That crisis averted, T’Challa has returned to Wakanda to resume his royal duties.

Coates takes as a starting premise that Wakanda, the most advanced nation on earth, would only still have a hereditary monarchy if the monarch was uniquely suited as a protector of the people. In the wake of the Panther’s failures in this regard, Nation opens with a rebellion against T’Challa’s rule on two fronts: domestic terrorists with an unknown agenda on one hand, and on the other, former officers of the Dora Milaje (the all-female royal bodyguard corps beloved by fans of the movie) rallying Wakandan women who have suffered great injustices unaddressed by the crown. The leaders of the latter, lovers Ayo and Aneka, are nominally antagonists to T’Challa, but to the reader they’re parallel protagonists. You root for both T’Challa and the Dora Milaje, even though their agendas are in tension, not unlike the way one might have rooted for both Tyrion Lannister and Robb Stark in early Game of Thrones. (Shuri’s around too, though she’s quite unlike her movie counterpart.)

When he’s not fighting or investigating, T’Challa does a lot of soul-searching and debating about his responsibilities as king, the ways it conflicts with his career as a globetrotting superhero, and whether and how the government of Wakanda must evolve. Though Wakanda is too small to be considered a superpower, the domestic terror angle, an interrogation of historical injustice, and the struggle between moral idealism and political reality make Wakanda a proxy in some important ways for modern America. (You may have noticed that Ryan Coogler did this too.) Coates’s meditation on leadership and political power made A Nation Under Our Feet not only a great superhero comic but -- this is not an exaggeration or a joke -- my favorite political writing of 2016.

Nation is illustrated mostly by Brian Stelfreeze and Chris Sprouse, with colors by Laura Martin; some of Stelfreeze’s designs clearly influenced the movie.

Thoroughbreds: Sweetpea

When a clever, mean-spirited would-be journalist with airhead friends learns that her boyfriend is cheating on her, old traumas bubble to the surface and she becomes a serial killer who targets sex offenders. Darkly, often cruelly hilarious, Sweetpea is what you’d get if American Psycho was set in southwestern England and for some reason starred Amy from Gone Girl. Protagonist Rhiannon is a self-described inhabitant of an Island of Unfinished Sentences, de facto Chief Listener of her “friend” circle, and a maker of lists. Lists of the things her friends talk about (babies, boyfriends, IKEA), signs she’d like to put up at work (please close doors quietly, please do not wear Crocs to work), and oh, the people she wants to kill. Like her boyfriend, at the moment. Or ISIS, when news coverage of a terror attack pre-empts her beloved MasterChef.

Author C.J. Skuse smartly chooses not to have Rhiannon wallow in her traumatic past as many superheroes do. We get glimpses for context, but Rhiannon is committed to moving forward, to escaping her demons rather than being defined by them. It matters that she wants to get better, even if she also hates that she’s bought into society’s definition of “better.” (#relatable)

It’s worth noting that Sweetpea leans seemingly uncritically into a lot of dated gender tropes, in Rhiannon’s assessments of the women around her. (Body positive she is not.) Then again, she’s an unreliable narrator -- one of the best demonstrations of this is a scene in which she’s convinced of her ability to fool the world into believing she’s normal, then overhears her dipshit co-workers talk about how unsettling she is -- so arguably we’re supposed to laugh at how terrible she is without necessarily agreeing with her. This is, I think, a perfectly legitimate approach to a protagonist, even if some find it unfashionable.

The book is not quite as thematically rich as it first appears, at least on the topic of sexual violence; it indulges a “stranger danger” picture of rape that doesn’t feel entirely contemporary. (For a more nuanced treatment of rape culture, see the sadly short-lived but wildly entertaining vigilante dramedy Sweet/Vicious.) But as a portrait of a vibrant, layered, genuinely Nasty-and-you-kinda-love-her-for-it woman -- given Oscar-caliber-portrayal-worthy life by Skuse’s wickedly sharp voice -- Sweetpea is too fun to pass up.

Upgrade or Infinity War: The Wild Storm

Castlevania showrunner Warren Ellis helped redefine superhero comics with 1999’s The Authority, which at DC’s request he's given a Gritty Reboot (along with the WildCATS, whom some of us remember from this extremely 90s cartoon) in The Wild Storm. Ellis has always been interested in The Future, both its potential wondrousness and its probable horror. Fans of Upgrade’s refreshingly unsanitized (and unsanitary) take on human enhancement through body modification will find much to like in Ellis’s spin on the trope of second-skin powered armor. (He semi-famously wrote Extremis, one of the comic arcs that inspired Iron Man 3.)

art by Jon Davis Hunt, from The Wild Storm #1

Angela Spica, a reimagining of Ellis’s old Authority character The Engineer, is a cybernetics expert who stumbles onto a sort of shadow government conspiracy related to her employer, and goes on the run with the armor she’s designed for them. (When not deployed, the armor is stored inside her body.) Angela is quickly targeted by multiple covert organizations, one of which rescues (?) her and brings her in on a secret history of technological arms races and contact with extraterrestrials. The Wild Storm is full of big action and bigger ideas, and for smart, generally curious superhero movie fans who find the decades-long continuities of the DC and Marvel universes intimidating, it’s a great entry -- with a blessedly planned ending -- into sci-fi-comics.

Happy holidays, and have fun gift shopping!

[fandomwritingsgalore]

Heads Up for A Fairytale (Chris Evans x Reader)

Pairing: Chris Evans x Female!Reader

Warnings: Cavity inducing fluff, slight cursing

Part: 1/??, Read more here

Description: Reader and her friend take a trip to Walt Disney World and happen to run into one Chris Evans while waiting in line to board Space Mountain. To pass the time you decide to play the game “Head’s Up.” From pop culture references, flirty looks and Chris being his silly flirty self, you never thought waiting in a line could be so much fun. But the Disney magic has to end eventually...doesn’t it?

Author’s Note: This isn’t my best imo, but I’ve been out of writing for a while and wanted something cute and fluffy to ease my way back in. And I’ve had this idea for a while and wanted to finally get it out. This is pure Evans loving Disney self indulgent fluff. Y/N = Your Name, Y/F/N = Your Friend’s Name

Word Count: 4,410

“How crazy would it be if we ran into someone famous while we’re here?” Y/F/N asked dreamily.

“I thought you wanted to find Walt Disney’s frozen head?” you laughed as you strolled through the mass of people down Magic Kingdom’s Main Street. It was the first day of your week long Walt Disney World trip and you were already acting like kids. The Disney magic making you silly with excitement and anticipation for all the fun times ahead.

They grinned mischievously, “Who says we can’t do both?” You rolled your eyes affectionately and shook your head at the conspiracy theories. “Besides I heard celebrities have their own secret entrance to rides so they can avoid the public. Maybe we’ll see Robert Downey Jr.”

“If it’s a secret entrance then how would we possibly know they’re here? Besides, you still have a better shot at walking onto Flight of Passage with no line than running into Chris Hemsworth here.”

“Jason Momoa would be fine.” She eyed the surrounding crowd in front of the majestic Cinderella castle as though expecting to immediately spot the tall actor. Reaching up to adjust the Jack Skellington Mickey ears on their head, they whined, “These damn things are always so painfully tight. I don’t know why Disney can’t just make them looser instead of my head being squeezed to death.” She pulled them off and massaged the area where the ears were on.

You reached up to make sure your own Captain America shield ears were still in place.You were determined to get a photo with Baby Groot and Star-lord when you park hopped over to Hollywood Studios later in the day. Cap was your favorite, but they were the only Marvel characters currently in the parks, and you’d heard they were a really great meet.

“They probably do it so you can wear them on rides without worrying about them flying off,” you said dodging out of the way of another triple seat stroller barreling towards the entrance to Fantasyland and Seven Dwarves Mine Train, not caring which ankles they took out along the way. 


“You wanna hit up Space Mountain or Haunted Mansion before the crowds start picking up?” Despite wearing your sunglasses, you shielded your eyes from the blinding Florida sun to gaze to the right of the plaza as though you could see how long the wait time was from here.

“Space. I didn’t get to ride it on our last trip because it was shut down.” You turned in the direction of Tomorrowland and took off.

“The infamous purple wall,” you pointed out excitedly, passing the pastel purple instaphoto spot. “I’m going to be as Disney basic as possible later.”

You both gazed in awe of the future looking land as you made your way towards the ride. Even though you’d arrived at Magic Kingdom for rope drop the wait time was already at 30 minutes, but knew it would probably be the shortest wait for the day. You passed under the large arch into the silver and blue entrance.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Space Mountain, but how incredible would it be if they would turn this into a Marvel Avengers ride through space or something,” You gushed sliding your shades off and placing them in the cross body purse you wore.

“And Cap would call you ma’am?” she snickered.

“I mean I’m not opposed to that plot point. But seriously though, you could get put in the Iron Man suit or pick your favorite Avenger and either gain their powers or work with them and fly around New York and have the Avengers talk you through a mission. It would be an immersive type ride experience.”

“You could even punch Loki at Stark tower.”

“Or give him a much needed hug!” You countered, feigning offense. “But, a Marvel land would be a kick ass expansion.”

“You just want to save the world with 4D Chris Evans,” she laughed, knowing you all to well.

You continued winding your way through the long line. Hopefully, 30 minutes actually meant a 10 minute walk to the loading stations, but either way you were willing to wait. Space Mountain was one of your favorites. “I’m excited for the new Tron roller coaster they’re building though,”  you noted.

“Yes!” She all but moaned. “The concept art looks insane!”

“So does that new outer space restaurant over in Epcot,” a male voice behind you added.

It wasn’t unusual for people in long lines at Disney to form a sort of temporary solidarity with those around them while waiting, which is why you weren’t that put off by his eavesdropping on your conversation. It was something you enjoyed about the parks. Meeting people from so many different walks of life.

You deepened your voice and spoke like an announcer, “Space…the final frontier.”

“Traitor,” Y/F/N shouted thrusting a fist into the air, “Star Wars or bust!” You heard the guy laugh at your banter as you finally rounded the final corner and reached the end of the line.

You turned around, wanting to mention the new Star Wars hotel, but the words became lodged in your throat as you took in the chiseled jaw and piercing blue eyes, hidden under a Nasa baseball cap, of the man behind you. You heard Y/F/N gasp in recognition next to you.

Chris freaking Evans was your mystery eavesdropper.

“I like your ears,” he commented, with a knowing smirk. You immediately felt the heat rise up your neck in embarrassment not only because of the ears, but he’d clearly heard your previous fangirl conversation. Oh God, he also heard Y/F/N’s 4D comment. No! Of all the ways you’ve imagined running into a celebrity, particularly this celebrity, this was not one.

He’s just a person. A very famous and funny and breathtaking beautiful person, but still a person.

What a person…

Dear lord, get a grip! You chided yourself. “I thought you have a secret passage?” You blurted out suddenly. And here you thought you couldn’t be any more embarrassing. Apparently your mouth was on a mission separate from your brain.

“Sure do,” His eyes sparkled playfully as he held back a laugh, “it’s goes right past Walt’s frozen head.”

“I knew it,” Y/F/N whispered reverently.

He couldn’t keep his laughter in check anymore and as he braced himself on your shoulder, he doubled over doing that laugh that only he has. The one that is so distinctly Chris Evans that fans have made thousands of memes and gifs of. The one where he has to physically touch someone because he wants them to share in the humor as though it’s the funniest joke in the world. 

Although you were intensely aware of his hand touching a part of your body, you couldn’t help but join in, because his laugh was infectious. You wanted to make him laugh again and again because it was one of the best sounds you’d ever heard. It made him and this situation seem more real somehow? Like you could actually exist at the same time and in the same place as this man.

“Y’all are so mean to get my hopes up like that,” Y/F/N pouted before chuckling, too.

“Seriously though, don’t you have unlimited ‘skip the line’ access for being, well…you?” You met his bashful smile as he shrugged, suddenly really shy.

“I mean, yes, but I, uh…I kind of like to play the games in this line,” he rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled embarrassed. “Not very cool, right?”

“Are you kidding? I am a hardcore, Space Mountain pre-ride gamer who takes no prisoners,” You said fiercely, lightly punching his shoulder. “Prepare to get your ass throughly kicked Evans.”

He grinned wolfishly, “Oh, you’re so on.”

The heads in front of you slowly moved as the line pushed forward a few inches every few seconds. The three of you moved forward as one. It seems Chris Evans had officially joined your group.

“So, obviously you two know who I am, but what are your names?” He pulled his hat down lower acutely aware that he could be recognized by more people.

“I’m Y/N, and this is Y/F/N,” you nodded your head in her direction and she threw up a peace sign, making him smile. “What are you doing here on your own? Isn’t that a bit dangerous?”

He rolled his eyes annoyed. “Technically I’m here with my family, but they’ve all ditched me to go ride It’s a Small World.”


“It isn’t that bad,” Y/F/N shrugged, at the same time you shuddered.

“Small World before 9 am should be illegal.”

“Thank you!” his eyes widened in relief.  He swept you into an over-exaggerated dramatic hug like an excited puppy, “Finally someone understands!” He pulled back grinning and leaned down so that you were eye level.

The part of your mind that had left your body the moment he hugged you noted that when it came to Chris, the old saying that boys were unfairly blessed with incredible lashes was true. The rest of you down on earth froze as you could suddenly count every single one of those eyelashes framing his wickedly gorgeous blue eyes. He was in your personal space and you didn’t know what to do with yourself. He was just so close.

“We have to stick together, or they’ll get us with their singing dolls before breakfast,” he whispered conspiratorially with those damn kissable lips inches from your own. Your eyes were drawn down to them briefly before flicking back up to meet that hypnotizing gaze again. Being pierced by them in person was a lot more shiver inducing than through a screen. Something shifted and you realized he’d caught you staring at his mouth. The urge to pull him closer and give him a reason to have that stupid smug look on his face was overwhelming.

The line began to move again, and the moment passed. He dropped his hands from your shoulders and straightened as you all shuffled forward a few more inches. It certainly felt like you’d been in this line longer than 30 minutes already, but it could’ve been you secretly hoped the wait time would increase. 

You knew eventually you would reach the loading station and your time with Chris would be up and you weren’t quite ready for this crazy experience to end yet, or ever…definitely the denial taking over.

“Honestly, you two are the worst drama queens ever,” Y/F/N huffed, annoyed at the unspoken connection Chris and you seemed to form. You caught him grinning in your direction and quickly dropped your gaze to your feet trying to hide an embarrassed smile. He bumped your shoulder affectionately before chuckling and leaning back with both arms on the railing behind you.

“So, what do you two like to do while waiting in long lines?” He asked curiously.

Before you had time to second guess yourself, you leaned back against the railing so that your back was pressed against his arm and met his gaze challengingly. He quirked an eyebrow appreciatively at the bold move and slouched down a bit so that you were effectively tucked into his side. You couldn’t help the self satisfied smile that spread across your face.

“Well, it depends. Sometimes we’ll catch up with family and friends back home if it’s later into a trip…”


“Do you have, uh, someone in particular to catch up with back home,” he asked guardedly. He pulled and adjusted his hat and you realized this was a nervous habit of his.

“No…”

“Good.” You heard him whisper huskily to himself.

You felt your heart rate pick up and your skin start to buzz at the way he said the single word.

He had to be seeing someone. Probably someone much more gorgeous and interesting than someone like me, you thought to yourself. I mean he was Chris Evans. Hollywood A-lister and you were letting your feelings for him as an actor get mixed up with the reality that someone like him would ever date someone like you. Right?

“You?” You asked quietly.

He slowly shook his head, ‘no.’

You swallowed and tried to keep your voice level as you replied, “Good.”

The flash of a smug smile graced his features as he looked down suddenly extremely interested in his shoes.

“We also like to play ‘Head’s Up’ to kill time,” Y/F/N volunteered. She was watching in amusement as the two of you fumbled over yourselves.

“I love that game!” Chris exclaimed excitedly. “My family likes to play it during the holidays. Do you have it on your phone?”

“Yes!” You could literally see her bouncing in place in excitement at the thought of playing your favorite theme park game with the Captain America.

She pulled out her iPhone and got the app ready. “We usually play the Disney edition or the Mar…” she paused and glanced up with a giggle.

His eyes scrunched up as he beamed, “Oh, fuck yes. Let’s go Marvel.” She laughed and started flipping through to find the right category.

“I want to guess first!” You rushed over excitedly as Y/F/N handed the phone over and you swapped places. You loved to see how many Marvel characters you could guess and this way you’d have an excuse to look at Chris without it being weird.

As the timer ticked down from where you held the phone on your forehead, he rubbed his hands together in anticipation and winked flirtatiously, “Ready for this babe?”

“Bring it capsicle,” you said with a fervent grin.

“Oh!” Chris shouted excitedly. “It’s uh, fuck!” He scrunched his eyes and made that fanning hand motion trying to think of words to describe the character as he looked to Y/F/N for help.

“Um he’s the one who does the-“ she did a swatting motion with her hand and made pew pew noises.

“Guys, really?” You laughed. “Is it Iron Man?”

“No!” Chris said snapping his fingers. “It’s the one that rides the motorcycle and flame!” He made a whoosh sound at the end of his sentence.

“Ghost Rider!” You shouted excitedly. They cheered and signaled to hurry as you quickly tilted the phone up to the next character.

“Um, ok this one’s in X-Men,” Y/F/N began before pausing, “Can we say what movie they’re in?”


“I think so as long as it isn’t the name of the character, too. Like Thor,” you hurriedly answered. “Is it Wolverine?”

“No, the red head.”

“Jean Grey!”


“No her alter ego,” Chris said stretching and reaching forward as though he could draw the answer from your thoughts.

“Phoenix!” You tilted the phone.

“Woo, we’re on a roll,” He gave a big grin as he read the next name, “Fuck, um, Seb!” He waved his hand trying to make his mouth catch up with his thoughts.

“Sebastian’s character! The sad one!”

“Bucky!”

“Yes!”

“The sad one?” You laughed.

“It’s the truth,” he grinned.

After Bucky the characters seemed to be mainly ones who appeared in the movies and Chris quickly figured out the best way to have you know the characters was to simply shout the actors names as you continuously moved another few feet forward in line. Y/F/N would sometimes shout the actor at the same time as Chris, which would cost all of you seconds from laughing.

“Mackie!” He yelled laughing at you as you almost dropped the phone in haste as you shouted back, “Falcon.”

“Downey!”

“Iron Man!” Phone tilt.


“Crap he’s the big bad,” Chris was breathing hard with adrenaline as the timer started ticking down. He held his head in frustration as he tried to think of who the actor was.

“PURPLE THUMB!” Y/F/N screamed excitedly.

“Thanos!”  And that was the final phone tilt as the game ended. The older couple in front of you had been watching in amusement since the game started and they now joined in on celebrating the fun before turning back around.

Chris wiped tears from his eyes. His whole body shook from laughter. “Purple thumb? Really? I can’t believe that’s what made you think Thanos. That’s the best fucking thing I’ve ever heard.”

“It’s true though,” you said, playfully nudging him in the side. “Ok, Y/F/N’s turn.” You handed her the phone and as she quickly walked over to take your position.

You wiped the tears from your own eyes and fanned yourself to cool off. 

“Here,” Chris breathed, goofily speed fanning you with his hands before you did the same to him. You giggled as the timer started.

“Uh…Chadwick and Wakanda and…” you shouted trying to remember more Black Panther things. The thing about Head’s Up was that in the heat of the game it was like your mind would draw a blank even though you knew the topic, no matter which one it was.

“T’challa!” Y/F/N shouted excitedly tilting the phone.

“Elizabeth,” Chris said.


“Uh…” Y/F/N looked lost. “Who?”

“Crap, the red lady wizard…the one with the magic and leather coat,” you rambled off.

“Scarlett Witch!” Phone tilt.

Chris clapped his hands. “Oh, uh, Margot Robbie played her in the Suicide Squad movie.”

“Harley Quinn?” Y/F/N questioned confused.

“Yes!” He said frantically. 
“What is Harley doing in a Marvel game?” You chuckled.

“Focus babe,” Chris hip bumped you with a wink. You felt your skin light up at the contact and his nickname. You liked it more than you cared to admit.

With a glance at the screen as the next character flashed, the words, “My favorite character!” were out of your mouth before you realized it.

“Loki!”



“I’m wounded,” Chris clasped his heart in mock hurt and wiped a pretend tear from his eye. “And here I thought you were a good girl with a thing for the golden boys.”

“I have an inner bad girl Evans,” you whispered brazenly. “You just haven’t seen it yet.”

You saw his sharp intake of breath and the way his pupils dilated at the words, and chuckled darkly at the effect you had on him. You heard him mutter “fuck me” under his breath as you returned to the game.

The timer showed 5 seconds left as you quickly shouted, “Fast metal!” at the same time Chris yelled “Aaron!”

Y/F/N was laughing so hard she didn’t guess before the game ended. “What the hell was that last one?”

“Quicksilver,” you giggled.

“How many?” you all turned to the cast member to see you had finally made your way to the front of the line. It was almost time to board.

“Oh,” Chris said sadly. Your heart clenched. No, you weren’t ready for this moment to end yet! You didn’t even get to really talk with him… it can’t be over yet.

For the first time in your travel history, you wanted to have to wait longer for something.


“I kind of wish the ride would break down so that we could talk more,” he murmured longingly and echoing your thoughts as you followed behind Y/F/N to the final line.

You peered up into those striking blue eyes and saw your own feelings reflected in his. You smiled wistfully, “Me too.”

“Hey can I sign your ears before we get on the ride?” he asked quickly.

“Oh, uh, you don’t have to do that. It was just really nice to meet you and have this memory,” you said sincerely. You were slightly confused. You had honestly forgot to even ask for a signature or photo by this point and didn’t want him to think you only cared about “Chris Evans the Actor” and not “Chris” the sweet line guy

“Please? I’d really like to leave you a note so you can remember today,” he said with an earnest smile.

“Sure, I guess…” You mumbled humbly. “Although I doubt I’ll forget it.” You slid those Captain America ears, that had brought you so much luck, off your head and dug around in your bag for the permanent marker you had for meeting characters. You handed both over. “I need to save them up before the ride anyway.” He started scribbling on the back sides of the ears where it was mainly just red and blue fabric.

“Do you guys want to do silly faces for the picture?” Y/F/N asked softly, sensing your sadness. She met your eyes and squeezed your hand as a comforting gesture. You knew she was trying to cheer you up.  

Everyone made their way towards the three seated car and you felt the zipper on your bag open. You looked over your shoulder to see Chris slide the ears inside.

“Sorry, just wanted to make sure those beauties were secure.” He gave that bashful smile that you were starting to expect from him and pressed his hand onto the small of your back as he led you forward and into the car.

“Yeah, funny faces would be cool,” Chris grinned as everyone clambered in. “But nobody tell the other what they’re doing and we’ll all be surprised.”

Y/F/N got the front seat, you got the middle and Chris got in the back. You heard a groan and stretched your head as much as you could to see his long legs scrunched up in the small confined area and giggled at his predicament at being so damn tall. He playfully stuck his tongue out as the ride moved forward and you sat back in your seat.

The car moved into the dark expanse of “space” and prepared for the start.  As the ride took off, you got into your pose for the photo as the flash went off and then held on for your life. Space Mountain was equal parts terrifying and exhilarating since it was an indoor dark roller coaster that always made you feel like you were going to fly out of the seat. But, that was what made it fun. You screamed and laughed as you went around turn after turn and you could heard Chris’ whoops of glee behind you. 

And just as quickly as it started, the ride was over.

You were all breathing hard and buzzing on adrenaline as Chris quickly got out and extended a hand first to you and then to Y/F/N to help get out of the low seats. You couldn’t wipe the smiles off of your faces as you made your way to the photo section to see how the picture turned out.

Upon viewing it, the only thing you could do was hide behind your hands in embarrassment. Chris laughed and pulled you into his side as everyone stared at the pic.

Y/F/N had done a duck face with crossed eyes, you had both hands up in the rock and roll sign with your tongue sticking out and Chris blew the camera an exaggerated, scrunched up nosed kissy face with his hand under his chin. 

“I look absolutely crazy,” Y/F/N barked out holding her side in laughter. 



“You? I look like I’m possessed.” You pointed to your face again.

“That is my favorite Space Mountain photo of all time,” Chris said eagerly tapping his magic band to the Mickey eared device on the wall. Y/F/N and you did the same.

“I’m going check out the gift shop,” Y/F/N suddenly said with a mischievous wink in your direction.

“I really think I’m going to print this and hang it in my house,” Chris said glancing up at the photo again.


“Don’t you dare!” You chided with a scared laugh. “I can’t have your people thinking I’m a psycho.”

“Oh yeah definitely a psycho,” he glanced out the corner of his eyes to see your narrowed glare, before pulling you closer and kissing the top of your head. “But a cute psycho.”

The two of you stepped away from the wall of TV’s as the next round of people started swarming around. He pulled his hat down lower and grabbed your hand and you followed him into a quiet corner of the store.



“Thank you for that. It was honestly one of the best times I’ve ever had waiting for a ride,” he said tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ears. You felt your heart stutter at his close proximity and tried to control your breathing. He moved his hand to cup your cheek as he ran his thumb over your bottom lip. That dark look was back in his eyes. “I should meet back up with my family. They’re probably waiting for me.”

“It was really nice meeting you,” You whispered, not wanting him to leave. You knew that your Disney magic was about to run out.

He smiled shyly, and leaned down to press a chaste kiss on your lips and you felt your heart swell. And then, he was leaning back and you knew that time was up.


He ran his index finger once more down your chin, “I’ll see you around Y/N.”

He dropped his hand and took a step towards the sliding doors of the store shoving his hands in his pockets as he glanced back over his shoulder. You dazedly waved a hand in farewell and he beamed. His eyes shot open in remembrance, “Oh! Don’t forget to put your ears back on!”  And with a final wink and a wave he was swallowed by the crowd.

Y/F/N suddenly appeared by your side with a broad grin. “Chris freaking Evans just kissed you!”

“I don’t even know what just happened,” you let out a breathy laugh as you made your way out into the Florida sunshine.

“So, where to next? Although I don’t think anything will top that on this trip.”

You reached for your bag to see what Chris had written on the ears. And as you pulled it out and read the writing, you gasped. He’d created his own Head’s Up category.

On the left ear was a scribbled phone number and on the right ear was

Chris Evans. The one who likes you.

It seems the Disney magic was just beginning…

My Masterlist

[elanaspodstudiosem2]

WEEK 4 GALLERY VISIT / Robin White - ‘Something is happening here’

Curator tour and talk at Te Papa

Robin White - ‘Something is happening here’

Notes from Curator talk:

Starts early on the stairs

reflect place

reflect on her visual language

Created by stencils and rulers

icon of the lamp

labour intensive work

all natural dyes

impressions and rubbings / happens after you make the cloth

cloth takes weeks to make / from the bark of the small paper mulberry tree

give sense of artist now and how practice has evolved

Treating time with more fluidity

'Mangaweka’ 1973

Writes herself into the work

looking for icons of place

always positioned herself as pacific artist but was also always ahead of her time

'I paint the situations I’m in’

Painting the everyday - humble

Coming of age self portraits

'Olympia’ was Robin’s favourite painting, achieved what she wanted to at the time, thinks 'I nailed it’ when she looks at it

Trained at Elam / learnt painting and taught herself print making

Good friends with Sam Hunt

Black outline, flat colour and shapes, rolling hills

Full time mum + working - motherhood

representing public places but also intimate spaces

people have lived with the images

Sense of collective memory with Robin’s work

Was hard to decide which work made it into the show and which ones would tour

Cracks not intentional but adds to the work

thinks frame is made to look like a pool table

reflection to past works

works involved a life lived in Aotearoa

Commenting on pacific wallpaper

Emotive use of colour - rising sea levels and climate change

learning language

immerse herself within a community - storytelling -finding political voice

had a house fire and lost everything - making with new materials

changing mediums - woven mats

commenting on introduction of western objects / household items

placemats - intimate objects in someones house

focus for big projects is often now collaboration

responding to current situations

I really enjoyed our field trip to Te Papa! The curator’s talk was super interesting! I had been to the exhibition before but I learnt a lot more this second time around through the discussions.

^ I’ve been to the exhibition a few months ago but didn’t take photos and so only got some very bad ones when we went with the whole class…

[artbyelana]

Robin White - 'Something is happening here' - Curator tour and talk

Week 4 field trip to Te Papa

^ I've been to the exhibition a few months ago but didn't take photos and so only got some very bad ones when we went with the whole class...

Notes from Curator talk:

Starts early on the stairs

reflect place

reflect on her visual language

Created by stencils and rulers

icon of the lamp

labour intensive work

all natural dyes

impressions and rubbings / happens after you make the cloth

cloth takes weeks to make / from the bark of the small paper mulberry tree

give sense of artist now and how practice has evolved

Treating time with more fluidity

'Mangaweka' 1973

Writes herself into the work

looking for icons of place

always positioned herself as pacific artist but was also always ahead of her time

'I paint the situations I'm in'

Painting the everyday - humble

Coming of age self portraits

'Olympia' was Robin's favourite painting, achieved what she wanted to at the time, thinks 'I nailed it' when she looks at it

Trained at Elam / learnt painting and taught herself print making

Good friends with Sam Hunt

Black outline, flat colour and shapes, rolling hills

Full time mum + working - motherhood

representing public places but also intimate spaces

people have lived with the images

Sense of collective memory with Robin's work

Was hard to decide which work made it into the show and which ones would tour

Cracks not intentional but adds to the work

thinks frame is made to look like a pool table

reflection to past works

works involved a life lived in Aotearoa

Commenting on pacific wallpaper

Emotive use of colour - rising sea levels and climate change

learning language

immerse herself within a community - storytelling -finding political voice

had a house fire and lost everything - making with new materials

changing mediums - woven mats

commenting on introduction of western objects / household items

placemats - intimate objects in someones house

focus for big projects is often now collaboration

responding to current situations

I really enjoyed our field trip to Te Papa! The curator's talk was super interesting! I had been to the exhibition before but I learnt a lot more this second time around through the discussions.