#I realize it's July but like. Pride happens later around here so it still counts

[rhinocio]

something something pride month

Ela drew the OT3 from the Rise Rabbit Multiverse in these outfits and I immediately went, "btw Ken's the babygirl of this relationship"

[lokis-army-77]

If you please

Chapter Seventeen

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 2800

This is technically a reader insert but without the (y/n) and all that. She also has no name mentioned so feel free to imagine as you please.

Follow the reader through the events of the Captain America movies and experience her love for Bucky Barnes.

Warnings: Bucky being sad

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Masterlist

Early one morning I woke up and got ready for the day. Bucky wasn’t awake yet so I walked to the kitchen table, grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, then wrote him a note that said I was going out for a while and that I would be back later. After picking up some of the money we had stored in a giant jar on the floor, I headed to the door and down the stairs, out into the busy Romanian morning.

Cars and people bustled down the streets every which way. I walked a few blocks away before arriving at an old book store. I had been thinking for a while that maybe if Bucky read something that he used to love, then maybe that would help some memories resurface.

Stepping through the threshold, I was hit with the comforting smell of old books and what seemed to be a vanilla candle. In the corner, right next to the door, is the cashier, a small, hunched old woman who, every time I come in here, is sleeping. She jostles a bit at the sound of the bell when the door shuts but doesn't wake.

I continue on into the shelves of books, looking for anything Bucky might like. Even though it was a Romanian book store, there were many English selections of classic books. I scoured the shelves for a while before coming to a stop at one of his favorites, ‘The Hobbit’. I gently took it off the top shelf and fingered through the old, yellowing pages. Dust from the top of the book fell to the floor as I did so. Closing it, I started to scan for something else for me to read, this time making sure it was one of the very long ones, considering I had read the short four hundred page one about three times already. There was a small paperback copy of Victor Hugo’s ‘Les Miserables’ sitting on the second shelf from the floor. I grabbed it and sat it on top of the other book in my arms and headed for the front.

The old woman was still napping away when I placed my small stack onto the counter. I forwent ringing the service bell and just reached over to give a strong tap on her shoulder. Having been here before, I knew she wouldn’t wake up to the sound of it. She swatted my hand away and I tapped her a second time a little more harshly, she woke up that time, muttering in Romanian that she was awake. I greeted her with a soft hello before placing the coins for the books into her boney, outstretched hand. She thanked me then I was on my way back to the apartment.

I took a small detour through the open market stalls a block or two away from the apartment. I take my time looking through the small amount of fresh fruit that was offered so early in the year. I move along, not finding anything of interest. I make my way through the crowd of people to continue my original journey back home.

It was close to eleven by now and when I opened the door and stepped into the apartment, my nose was filled with the smell of something burning. Quickly I shut the door and run down the tiny hallway and into the main room. Bucky was standing over a smoking pan on the stove, while right next to it was a pot, almost boiling over.

“Buck what in the world are you doing?” I ask as I move towards him to turn the eyes off.

“I was trying to make breakfast for lunch. It was supposed to be an ‘I’m sorry I scared you and brought back bad memories’ meal since I never told you I was sorry, but I burnt the eggs and bacon.” He tells me before he leans over to the trash can and dumps the charred food in.

I moved around to stand next to him and placed my right hand on his firm metal bicep. “Thank you, I really appreciate the sentiment.” I smiled up at him then looked down at what was in the now slowly bubbling pot with chopped potatoes. “Look,” I pointed out, “the potatoes are fine.” Bucky followed my outstretched finger and gave a small nod.

“Go sit down, I'll make something with these.” He directed. I looked at him skeptically as I slowly backed away.

“Are you sure you don’t want my help?”

“Yes, sit.”

And so I did. I went directly to my bed where I had thrown the books, took up mine, and then started to read. It was hard to concentrate though since I looked up from the pages every two seconds to make sure Bucky wasn’t going to burn the whole building down again, but he seemed to be doing fine. He had ended up frying the chopped potatoes in butter with a bunch of random seasonings.

Several minutes later he had finished and was scooping the food onto two separate plates. He picked the plates up and made his way around the island and to the loveseat in front of it. Sitting down he placed his plate on the arm of the furniture and then called me over. I picked myself up off the mattress and plopped myself down beside him and took my plate from his hands.

“Thank you,” I mumbled as I took the fork into my hand and started eating. Surprisingly the food was actually good. I turned my eyes to him, he was staring at me, probably waiting for my thoughts on the food. I nodded my head as I chewed as a sign that it was good. He smiled softly and proceeded to eat his.

“That was really good, Buck. Next time when you cook though, stick to one thing at a time, don’t try to cook it all at once.” I said once I had finished.

“I’ll keep that in mind. Um,” he paused a second. “Where did you go this morning?”

“Oh, I actually went to get you something that might help with your memory.” I stood up after placing the dirty plate on the counter behind me and shuffled over to the bag that held Bucky’s book. I gently took it out and held it close. Making my way back to where he was sitting, I held the book out to him. “Here you go.”

He reached out and took it from me, a small smile ghosted his lips. “The Hobbit, I love this book, thank you.”

“See you’re already remembering.”

“Yeah, I think I remember wanting you to read it and you made me read something else.” He shut his eyes tight, trying to remember. “It was Pride and Prejudice wasn’t it?”

I gave him a giant toothy grin at that. “It was,” I almost shouted. I leaned down to give him a hug, excited he remembered something that was so long ago. “We started reading them the week we got engaged.” I backed away a bit.

“Oh yeah-” He looked to his hands and then to my hand. “Do you- do you still have the ring?”

“Of course I do.” I lifted my hands to the chain that always stayed hidden beneath my shirt. There was a small delicate clank as the ring and locket tapped against each other. I brought the chain over my head and then grabbed one of Bucky’s hands, placing the necklace down gently. I watched as he brought the small treasures closer to his face. He studied them quietly.

“Why don’t you ever wear the ring around your finger?” he asked, I heard a little bit of concern come through.

“I didn’t want to lose it. I kept it hidden for a long time, then when everything happened in January I had a feeling that I should keep it on at all times. With all the fighting that took place, I thought it best to wear it around my neck so I wouldn't fall off.” I explained. I eyed him as he fiddled with the clasp, he was taking the ring off.

He rose to his feet silently before grabbing my left hand to place the ring securely where it was meant to be. “Can you wear it like this from now on?” I looked into his eyes, they were soft. I nodded in response as he stepped a little closer to me.

I could feel my heart start to quicken when he started to lean down, coming to eye level with me. I could feel his cool hand snake up to the back of my neck and pull me forward slightly. I closed my eyes, I could feel the warmth of his breath, we were so close. I leaned myself in more and before I knew it I felt his rough but soft lips graze the corner of my mouth. They were warm and just like I remembered, familiar. I moved my hands to the sides of his face to keep him from moving away. His hands came softly atop mine and pulled them away and down between, but he never let go of them. I felt him move back a tiny bit before I opened my eyes with a small huff. I hadn’t realized how much I missed him, how much I missed the feeling of him. I wanted to feel him kiss me, really kiss me.

He whispered my name softly as one of his hands came up to move a strand of my hair away from my face and then brought the hand back to cradle mine. “I want to take this slow.”

“But-” I started but he cut me off.

“Let me find myself before I come back to you,” The broken sound of his voice hit my ears so softly I probably wouldn’t have been able to hear it if my hearing were normal.

“Okay, Bucky I’ll wait. I’ll wait for you, no matter how long it takes.” He pulled me into a tight hug at that.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

It is now mid-July and Bucky has been steadily remembering more and more. The process has gone faster than I thought it would, but that’s probably because he isn’t alone and trying to figure things out. I’ve noticed that the longer we are here in Romania, the less paranoid he is about being found, although it still eats at the back of both our minds constantly.

Bucky has started to smile more, he’s started to get closer to me, mentality and physically. Something changed after that afternoon he slipped the ring back onto my finger. Sometimes, while we are sitting at home he will slip his hand into mine and leave it there for a while, or he’ll somehow just gravitate to my side like a magnet. I never push him further than he is comfortable with, knowing he is still trying to find his missing pieces.

He works hard, exhaustingly so, to be able to remember. To be the Bucky he once was. Sometimes when he gets frustrated, I have to remind him that he will never be one hundred percent how he was in 1943, but I love him all the same, I’ll stay beside him.

And that's how we came to this precise moment. Bucky was laid out on the floor staring at the ceiling when I walked out of the bathroom from taking my nightly shower.

“What’s the matter?” I questioned as I rang my hair out with the towel. He didn’t say anything, just turned his head to face away from me. “Hey, come on, you can tell me.” I encouraged as I sat down on the edge of my mattress.

“It’s nothing, really.”

“Oh it isn’t nothing, I can see it all over your face. Something is bothering you so tell me what’s up.”

“I don’t know. I’m just so tired. My head is hurting from all the things I’m trying to remember.” He huffed out gruffly. I gave him a sympathetic look before poking him in the side. He turned his body to the side to look at me.

“You do know it’s okay to take a break? You shouldn’t expect yourself to remember every little thing.”

“I know, it's just. There are these glimpses from the past but I can never place them. It’s frustrating.” He says as his hand comes up to softly play with my fingers near his head.

“Well, you can’t try to remember things clearly if you are exhausted. Get some rest and relax, let the memories clear themselves up instead of trying to force them.” I stilled his hand and rubbed the back of it with the one he wasn’t currently grasping. “How about I make us some tea and then we can get some rest?”

“I’d like that a lot.”

“Okay then.” I stood up and his hand slowly let go of mine.

In the kitchen, I grabbed the kettle and filled it with water, and placed it on the eye of the stove. While waiting for the water to boil I washed the dirty mugs in the sink so that way we could use them. The box of teabags was sitting off to the side of the sink, I slipped two from the box and placed them in the now clean, empty mugs. When the water was done I poured it into our cups along with a few scoops of sugar and a tiny bit of milk and then walked back over to where I was sitting earlier.

“Here you go. Be careful, it’s hot and still needs to steep for a bit.” I warned as he sat up to take the mug from my hand. I sat back down and after a minute, started to take small sips of my tea.

“Thank you. Not just for the tea, but for everything you do. I don’t know how I’d get through this if you weren't with me.” He confessed as he took a long sip.

“You don’t have to thank me, Buck-” I started but he cut me off.

“Yes, I do. I wouldn’t have gotten near as far as I have if it weren't for your help. You’re always so loving and patient with me. I don’t deserve it, especially with the things I’ve done.” His head hung low as he drew his knees up closer to him.

I frowned as I sat my mug on the floor and crawled my way across the floor to sit directly in front of him. Carefully I placed both my hands on his. “Nothing you did is your fault.”

“Yes, it is. I did awful things. They are the only thing I can remember vividly. Can’t you see that I'm a bad guy now?”

“Sweetheart you are not a bad guy, you are a victim.” I moved my hand to his face so I could have him look at me. “And yes, you did those things but none of that was under your control. Nothing you did with HYDRA was in your control.” He looked at me with tears welled up in his eyes, he grabbed my hand and pulled it down away from his face but he never let it go. “I want to help you get through this but I can’t do that if you push me away because you think you are a danger to me. I told you before that you could never hurt me, I’m tougher than I look.”

“I don’t doubt that,” He chuckled. “It’s just hard when at any second I could turn back into that thing. It scares me, it scares me so much that I could be the reason I lose you just after I got you back.” His voice sounded like he was trying hard to hold back tears.

I moved from in front of him to his left side. I wrapped my arms around him, making him lean into me. I squeezed him tight. “It’s okay to cry, don’t hold it back,” I whispered into his ear. I felt him shudder and then all of a sudden it was like the flood gates had been opened.

We sat there on the floor for what felt like hours. We had changed into a more comfortable position, where Bucky had his arms wrapped around my middle and he just wept into my shirt. I softly played with his long hair and scratched his scalp. It seemed to calm him, but he still cried. He cried until no more tears would come until all he could do was jolt with hiccups.

We fell asleep like that, huddled together on the hard floor, next to the couch.

Authors note: Hi everybody, I know this chapter is a little shorter than I have been writing but I started my third year at college and I have like three 15 page essays and a crap tone of homework. So please be patient with me with writing for a while.

Tag List: @ginger-swag-rapunzel @underc0vercryptid-reads @geek-and-proud @intothesoul @leyannrae @starkleila @andy-is-gay

[jaskiers-sweetkiss]

Sunset Swerve - Part 1

Pairing: Luke x OC

Word Count: 2.1K

Series Summary: Apollo 81 and Sunset Curve had been rival bands since their creation, and their leaders, Jordan Moss and Luke Patterson, had despised each other even further. Things were just looking up for both bands as they get the opportunity to play at the Orpheum but a few bad hot dogs send Luke, Alex, Reggie, and Jordan to early graves before they get the chance. 25 years later the ghosts of Sunset Curve accidentally release Jordan from an old Apollo 81 demo and tensions between her and Luke immediately flare. However, they need to band together to finally accomplish their life-long goals: to play their music for the world.

Warnings: uhh some cursing, mentions of death (I mean, the main characters are ghosts)

A/N: I’m officially obsessed with this show and its characters and I would very much like my own hot ghost band please and thanks. Please let me know what you think and send me an ask if you’d like to be tagged in future chapters!

Teaser  Part 2  Masterlist

___

The relatively empty theater erupted into cheers when Sunset Curve finished their soundtrack. Jordan didn’t deign to join the venue’s staff in their congratulations; though the band clearly deserved the praise, she’d never admit it out loud. Sunset Curve were good, and if Jordan didn’t despise their lead singer so much she’d probably be a fan but that simply wasn’t the case. She and Luke had been rivals since grade school and it was only fitting that they both started their own bands and had been competing for venues for years. What didn’t make sense was that when Sunset Curve booked a headliner at the Orpheum, they recommended Apollo 81 as their opening act. Jordan could only assume Luke had done it to rub in the fact that they were headlining the Orpheum but still, the venue was a hotspot for record execs- Sunset Curve had given them a huge opportunity to go big.

“We gotta fuel up before the show, I’m thinking street dogs,” Luke’s proclamation was met with cheers from Alex and Reggie, and Jordan rolled her eyes, lifting off the column she’d been leaning against to go find her own band.

“Moss, you in?” Luke called from the stage and Jordan startled, turning to give the boy a look of bewilderment. “C’mon, it’s on me.”

Jordan narrowed her eyes suspiciously but nodded anyway, adjusting her cross-body bag as she made her way to the guys. She watched bemusedly as Bobby made a beeline towards the cute Orpheum employee.

“You guys are really good,” she complimented. “I’ve seen a lot of bands, been in a few myself. I was really feeling it. You guys too.” She said, turning towards Jordan and the girl couldn’t help but beam at the complement.

“That’s what we do this for,” Luke said, clapping his bandmates on the back. “I’m Luke, by the way.”

“Hi, I’m Reggie.”

“Alex.”

“Bobby.” The boy pushed Luke behind him and Jordan stifled a laugh.

“Jordan.” She introduced herself.

“It was nice meeting you guys. I’m Rose,” the girl introduced and Jordan began digging through her bag.

“Here’s our demo and a t-shirt,” she said, pulling them from her bag and offering them to Rose.

She kept a small supply of the merch on her at all times, anything to get their name out there.

“Geez, Moss. We offer you food and you try to outdo us?” Luke said, elbowing Reggie who looked confused for a second before offering up the merch in his hands.

“Oh! And here’s our demo and a t-shirt size beautiful,” he said with a wink, trying to outdo her and flirt at the same time. Jordan rolled her eyes.

“Thank you,” she gasped sincerely before slinging the shirts over her shoulder. “I’ll make sure not to wipe the tables with these ones.”

“Oh! Good idea!” Alex chimed in. “Whenever they get wet they sorta.. fall apart in your hands.”

Jordan snorted as the other guys blanched and the information.

“Don’t you guys have to go get hot dogs?” Bobby looked pointedly at the guys, silently urging them to leave before they could embarrass him further.

Luke grinned, hitting Bobby’s chest with the back of his hand as he leaned in towards Rose, “He ate a hamburger for lunch.”

The rest of the guys grinned as they walked out the venue’s back door. Jordan turned to smile apologetically at Rose and wave goodbye before jogging to catch up with the guys, her bag hitting her hip as she went.

When she caught up to them in the alley behind the theater Luke was going on about something cliche, wanting a connection with everyone through music or something. Jordan wanted to scoff but, well, she kind of agreed.

She and Reggie broke away from the group at the same time to hand out some of their t-shirts to the fans in line. They were in and out before the fans recognized them, resulting in them calling their names as the pair walked away.

“Great minds think alike, huh?” Reggie joked, bumping her shoulder with his own lightly as they caught up to the rest of the group.

Jordan laughed before furrowing her brow in confusion. When had Sunset Curve started treating her like she was one of them?

It must just be the exhilaration of playing the Orpheum, she concluded as they arrived at their destination.

“Uh, do you guys normally get your hot dogs out of the back of a car?” Jordan remarked, equal parts skeptical and disgusted as she looked down the ally at Sam & Ella’s.

“Relax, Moss,” Luke chided. “A hot dog’s a hot dog.”

Jordan rolled her eyes but followed them anyway, the four of them getting their hot dogs and crowing around the back of the Oldsmobile to add their condiments.

“It would be nice to eat somewhere where the toppings aren’t in the back of an Oldsmobile.” Alex acknowledged, accidentally getting pickle juice all over the owners’ jumper cables.

Once satisfied with their creations the boys plopped down on the sofa across the ally and Jordan perched on one end next to Reggie.

“This is awesome you guys. We’re playing the Orpheum!” Luke began to monologue as the guys looked at him with smiles on their faces. “I can’t even count how many bands played here and then got huge.”

Pride swelled up inside Jordan. Sure Apollo 81 was only the opening act, but they were still about to make their big break right alongside Sunset Curve. There was something poetic about it, two rivals about to achieve their dreams together.

“Eat up boys, and girl,” Luke added, grinning at Jordan. “‘Cause after tonight, everything changes.”

Like a scene right out of a movie, they all grinned at each other before taking their first bites.

Jordan grimaced at the flavor, remembering why she wasn’t a big fan of hot dogs.

“That’s a new flavor,” Alex said, sounding concerned but Reggie and Luke laughed it off.

“Chill man,” Reggie said nonchalantly. “Street dogs haven’t killed us yet.”

____ 25 years later ____

“Hey, what’s this Apollo 81 stuff doing in here?” Reggie called out into the garage.

The guys had just returned from the beach, their spirits lifted by their little jam session. Reggie had immediately poofed up to the loft, curious about what other items were left behind . Luke was sitting on his couch, lyric notebook in hand, inspired by his newfound ability to summon his guitar at will. Alex was laying across the couch with his feet in Luke’s lap, having just previously announced that he was considering taking up knitting to pass the time.

“Maybe Julie’s mom was a fan?” Alex answered, getting up from the couch to join Reggie in the loft, his interest piqued. Neither of the boys noticed the way Luke stiffened at the mention of the band.

Reggie nodded in response to Alex’s theory.

“I wonder what happened to them anyway?” He was sitting on the floor of the loft, the box in his lap as he rifled through some of the memorabilia- mostly flyers from their performances, from small open mic nights to the Orpheum. Reggie pulled out the Orpheum flyer. “Do you think Jordan survived that night? I mean, she was with us when we died but not in that weird room.”

“I don’t know Reg, I can’t see how she would’ve survived when we didn’t.”

“You think she’s still in her own black room? By herself?”

“That’s really depressing Reggie.” Alex deadpanned. “She probably passed on, y’know?”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Reggie brightened, returning the Orpheum flyer to the box and continuing to sift through it, Alex leaning over his shoulder as he did.

“Hey! Their demo!” He said excitedly, holding up the CD case. “I always secretly liked their music.”

“I think we all did,” Alex said thoughtfully, falling forward when Reggie poofed out from under him.

Reggie reappeared below the loft, making his way to the CD player left by their new band setup.

Before Alex or Luke realized what was happening Reggie had hit play on the machine and Apollo 81’s “Lost” was blasting through the garage.

“Woah! Reggie, people can hear that and Julie’s not here!” Luke exclaimed, jumping up from the couch to turn it off at the same time that Alex poofed down from the loft.

Before either of them could reach the CD player, something that could only be described as portal-esque opened up in front of them and the sound of the demo was drowned out by a feminine voice yelling “What the hell?!”

___

Jordan hit the ground hard as she was dropped from the portal. She didn’t even bother to stand up, instead letting herself fall flat on her back with a groan, her eyes shut.

What now? Another black room to sit in? She thought with a sigh. Death sucks.

“Is this how Julie felt?” A voice whispered.

The sudden awareness that she wasn’t alone startled Jordan and she quickly sat up, her eyes flying open only to be met with some of the last faces she had seen before she died.

She couldn’t help it, she immediately screamed and the guys started screaming too.

After a moment, the shock wore off (well, sort of anyway. She still had no idea what was going on) and the screaming stopped. Luke nervously offered a hand, presumably to help her up off the floor but she scowled and pushed it away, standing up on her own.

“Why am I back in your garage?” She asked, glaring slightly at the boys as if they were to blame, which they might’ve been. “And how the hell did you change the decor so fast?”

“Okay, well, it’s a little complicated-“ Reggie started but Alex put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

“Well, you remember when we died, right?” Alex said in a much softer voice than Reggie, and Jordan nodded.

“You mean when you fed me a poisonous hot dog before I could perform at the Orpheum.” She said, glaring at Luke specifically.

“Hey! If you’ll recall, we all ate those hot dogs and we all missed our chance to play the Orpheum.” Luke bit back, immediately becoming defensive.

“Man, I really thought the twenty-five years might’ve quelled their rivalry,” Reggie muttered to Alex and Jordan whipped around to face him.

“Did you just say it’s been twenty-five years?” She shrieked and Alex groaned at his friend’s lack of tact.

“Yeah,” Alex answered, glaring at his bandmates to shut them up. “We died in ’95 and it’s 2020 now.”

“You’re telling me I was alone in that room for twenty-five years?” She asked, her voice becoming louder and more aggressive as she went on.

“Bet probably cried the whole time like Alex did.” Luke snarked and Jordan’s expression grew livid.

“Okay, first of all, crying is a completely reasonable reaction to dying. And second of all, fuck you, you emotionless piece of-“

The song change from the CD player caught her attention and her face broke into a self-righteous grin.

“Were you guys listening to our music?” She asked rhetorically, eyes gleaming at the discovery.

Luke scowled, stalking over to the CD player and turning it off.

“Aw, c’mon, that was one of my favorites,” she whined, following Luke’s steps towards the player and hitting play. Well, she tried to hit play but her finger went right through it.

Luke laughed triumphantly and Jordan stuck her tongue out at him, crossing her arms like a petulant child.

“Oh, very mature, Moss.”

“Oh, I’m immature? Even in death you’re still a whiny, jealous, dickhead!“

“Please! If anyone’s whiny and jealous it’s you!”

“Should we do something?” Alex asked in a whisper, leaning towards Reggie but unable to take his eyes off the two bickering ghosts in front of them. They were like a train wreck.

“Nah, just let them get it out of their systems,” Reggie responded, sounding confident despite past experience with the two.

“You are so self-obsessed!”

“Are you kidding me? You’re the queen of self-obsession!”

“Oh my gosh, I can’t do this!” Jordan exclaimed. “I’m out! See you in hell, asshole!”

“No, Jordan, wait!” Luke called but Jordan had already poofed away.

He slumped to the ground with a groan, head in his hands. “I have to go get her.”

“I’ve got it,” Alex said, resting a comforting hand on his shoulder before poofing away himself.

“You don’t think we’ll actually go to hell, do you?” Reggie filled the sudden silence and Luke shook his head, poofing out of the garage as well.

Part 2

[cheswirls]

[ pt 1/2 of the tensemi track au!! small note, when i started this (almost) a year ago i confused the one mile records with the 100 meter records, so this fic goes w/ the assumption the 100m record is 4 seconds. yes i know the 100m record is 10s. no i am not going to change it. just read it regarding this info, and it should be smooth. ]

year one |

the spring before eita’s freshman year, he has a growth spurt. it’s not anything big, only a handful of inches, but it’s enough to make a difference as he works around it in his training regimen. his legs get longer, his steps grow wider, and by the time track and field tryouts come around, he’s confident he’s adjusted enough to the change to make a difference.

“next, semi-san!”

a whistle blows as eita lines up and crouches on the third lane, eyes lifting to catch the 100 meter mark in his sight. he tenses his arms and lifts his figure, and on the next whistle he’s off.

eita likes running. he can’t remember a time in his life when he didn’t. but it’s the short bursts he likes best. he doesn’t have to worry about pacing himself. he doesn’t have the time to watch anyone around him. ten seconds and it’s over. ten seconds and he’s at the finish line, breaking a couple paces after, hands on his knees for a brief moment before he straightens up and turns.

everyone is silent around him. it wouldn’t bother eita so much, but they’re all watching him, and a feeling of unease creeps up his spine. it’s only elevated when they all start breaking out in chaotic whispers, and he turns his head to see the assistant coach blinking at his stopwatch.

“semi-san,” the head coach calls, and eita steps forward, shoes leaving the track for the grass on the inner field. the assistant coach finally moves his gaze away, looking incredulously to semi, but it sharply turns to pride and something else, like he just found an old treasure buried deep in a treasure chest.

“what was your average last year?” the head coach asks, and eita stumbles through his answer, mind still fixed on the expression of the assistant coach and the implications it suddenly held.

and that was how semi eita first learned he could run 100 meters in six seconds.

-

they have him come to day two of tryouts to run another. just to prove it wasn’t a fluke. eita knows it wasn’t, because he had run several that past night, just to prove to himself that it was all real. the same result happens. 6.4 seconds and his feet cross the line.

one of the football coaches that served as an assistant during off-season casually flips through a stapled bunch of papers, frowning slightly when he reached the end. “this is your only event?” he asks semi.

eita nods, and the assistant coach from the other day hums, taking the list to flip back a couple pages.

“why don’t you try for a 200 as well? i’m sure with-”

“i’m sorry, but i only run sprints.” both coaches look up in surprise, and eita bows sharply. then he turns and jogs off, done for the day.

when the list of names comes out the next day, he isn’t surprised to find he’s made it. he is surprised that there is only a single reporting time, and that they aren’t all separated by event immediately. he seeks out the head coach with a frown, bemused by the provided training. eita trains alone. it’s not that he minds the company, but he has his own routine. it worked through middle school, and it worked through the spring, and it would work now. besides, going through the same practice the long-distance runners did wouldn’t help him. it was just impractical. especially with his results.

the head coach takes his speech in stride, and then he tosses his head back and laughs. after calming down, he pats semi on the shoulder and shakes his head. “tell you what, kid. you place at nationals, and i’ll let you do whatever you want. but this year, i want you to try things our way. you came to shiratorizawa for a reason, right?” he winks.

the suggestion irks him, but he can’t deny the truth in the words. so, with a long-suffering sigh, eita bows his head and hurries off to join practice.

-

midway through pre-season is when eita has enough. usually, they’re divided by mid, long, and short distance, and given slightly different training exercises. today, though-

“everyone is running three miles.” one of the coaches points to the perimeter of the field, where a gate lines the outside. “there’s a road around the gate that circles the football fields and the tennis courts. twice around and back should be the distance you need. once you’re done, you’re free to go.”

everyone starts heading off, and eita snaps from his frozen position. “i can’t run three miles!” he bursts. a few people pause to look, some snickering, but he ignores them. a look from the coaches has him backing up, however, switching out his words. “i can walk three miles. can i -can i do that? that wouldn’t be that long. i could do it in, uh-” he breaks off, mumbling the math, the 20 on average so times three- “an hour. can i do that?”

one of the assistant answers him with another question. “can you run one mile?”

eita blinks. “yes,” he says, because he might be a sprinter, but one mile is nothing. the coach nods.

“okay. then walk two and run one. is that acceptable?”

eita purses his lips. “yes,” he mutters, and doesn’t stick around to see them change their minds.

-

shiratorizawa is an elite school. he knew this coming here, he knew the competition would be rough, he knew everyone around him was the best in their field. he thought he was good enough to be able to keep up.

but with a near four second improvement in his time, semi goes from good to untouchable.

there’s one other shiratorizawa athlete in his event, an upperclassman eita had never spoken with, but they’re in different heats and his concentration is pinpoint. it’s hot, but the breeze is there to cool him off, and eita sits down on the grass to do his stretches. if anyone approaches him, he doesn’t notice. there’s a group of girls a few paces away wearing the same purple uniform as him, but they don’t pay any attention to him, so he does the same.

he lines up when his rotation comes up and takes a deep breath as he crouches into position.

in, out. bang.

eita’s eyes lock on to the finish mark and he unconsciously speeds up, lungs burning, muscles twitching, giving his all for this short burst.

he doesn’t look behind him when he finishes, only up, but it’s not the same as middle school. the scoreboard still has results from two events ago. he sighs and walks off the track, hands on his head. he’d been used to having results immediately, but miyagi was a big region, and there were still three more heats to go before they compiled the results.

one of the assistant coaches comes up and hands him a water, congratulates him. eita nods in thanks, taking it, but he doesn’t feel excited. he may have won his heat, but he still didn’t know where he placed overall.

he kind of zones out, one minute gazing at the track as people line up for the 200 meter, and then the next he’s met with people carting out hurdles from the infield. he blinks and looks up to the scoreboard, and right on cue an announcer comes on to reveal the results for the mens 100 meter.

eita lets out a breath as he sees his name first. it’s not until he sees the point gap between him and second place does he realize how easy a time he had it. there’s nearly a five point lead. he’d completely crushed the competition.

later, as eita descends the podium with his medal, a handful of people in purple come up to congratulate him. eita doesn’t really recognize their faces, much less know their names, so he just does his best to smile and nod.

practice doesn’t change. and of course it wouldn’t. the coach’s offer was for semi to place at nationals, not a regional meet. the win didn’t count for anything but his pride. none of them did until the qualifier, it was all for the experience.

eita still practices alone, within the team. he’s divided up with the short distance runners and sent through the same paces, but he keeps to himself as he completes the drills. he doesn’t even know what the other runners think of him, and he really doesn’t care, either. he’s there to run.

-

end-of-term exams come around on the first week of july, and the track team is given a full ten days off in light of it.

at first, eita does as usual. grades have never been anything he’s really needed to concern himself with. he spends the extra time training, pushing himself in his newfound solitude.

but then all his tests are over, and school is preparing to shut down for summer break. before the week can let out, with five days to go until practice resumes as usual, eita runs, breathless, into the staff room, managing to corner one of the assistant coaches before he can leave.

“you want a key to the gym?” eita nods and he scratches his head, lightly frowning. “you know, the break is there for you to rest, and not just because of exams.”

“i get plenty of rest,” eita argues.

the coach sighs. “of course you do. look, we’re not supposed to let first-years wander off with keys, but . .” he shrugs, leaning forward in his chair to sort through a desk drawer. “you’re a good kid, semi-kun. if you think you need the equipment in the gym, i’ll let you borrow this.” he holds out a plain keyring and eita takes it with a nod. “give it back next time you see me, okay? and don’t forget when the next team practice is!”

eita is euphoric when given the opportunity. he’s halfway home when he notices the skip in his step, and then he realizes just how much energy he was pent up with, immediately setting off in a different direction. it takes half an hour before he’s sure he can return home without his mom yelling at him to quit bouncing off the walls, and by the time he’s on the porch steps he’s panting so bad he tries to use the gym key to unlock the front door.

his usual solo workout he’d adapted to before high school serves him well in the break, and adding on the private use of the gym makes it even better. the lights still turn on, thankfully, and the windows let in the sun just enough that even if they didn’t, it might not even matter. it’s not unusual to be here alone like he thought it might be -mostly it’s just quiet, which -even if he was reluctant to admit it- has grown quite odd. he’s accustomed to the low rumble that accompanied a large group -feet on the turf, murmurs, whistle blows, the shuffling of equipment.

on the morning of the eleventh day, eita wakes up early and jogs down to the school, keys jangling hidden in his pocket. he finds the particular coach he’d borrowed them from and manages to sneak them back without anyone else becoming wiser. if he was lucky, that would mean he’d have earned the trust to have them again.

-

the miyagi prefectural athletics meet in the middle of july doubled as the national qualifier for two weeks later, in august. even if the venue hadn’t been close by eita’s home, shiratorizawa still put the school’s budget to good use, transporting all the students in one go once they had gathered at the school.

eita’s internal musings he’d had since middle school of but i could have gotten there faster if i had walked from home take a hard backseat to the thrumming in his veins, the pure ecstasy he feels where he was headed and what he was headed there for.

the coaches camp out a big spot on the infield and shiratorizawa gathers into a cluster, throwing down personal bags and coolers and various other things until all around eita is a sea of royal purple.

there are three hours until his event, but he starts stretching right away, slipping off his warmup jacket and his trainers so he has enough traction to rest his feet on his shoulders. his eyes glance to the track periodically while he goes through the motions, watching as various smaller events take place.

noise to his left makes him glance up, sliding both legs to the turf. there’s a large crowd gathered around one of the field events -he can’t tell which one from his height. eita eyes the time and thinks, just for a moment, about going to investigate.

then he tunes that part of his brain out, resuming his stretches.

he goes for a run, careful to keep out of the way. he sprawls out on the infield, staring up at the sun as it tracks higher in the sky. it’s a nice day, overall. not too hot. a little cloudy, but not enough to threaten to rain.

his shoelaces get readjusted as someone comes to inform him of his heat. he has a number pinned to his back, the sun appears just a bit from behind thin clouds, and the roar of the crowd pulls him finally onto the track.

he’d missed competing in this spot. prefecturals were the same location no matter what school grade you were in. it felt like coming home.

he breathes out deep and crouches in his lane, looking down to adjust his footing before looking up to the finish line. it’s a singular focus, and slowly but surely, all the noise around him fades, until it’s only the internal sounds of adrenaline ringing in his ears.

bang. and he’s off.

his spikes dig in on the line before he fully realizes, having to force himself to stop several paces after, nearly tripping over himself. he looks back over his shoulder, breathing heavy, and throws his arms over his head.

there are still runners crossing the finish line. it’s a wild feeling, one eita’s never bothered to cash in on, and one that makes him absolutely dizzy with delight.

he crushes the time from his previous meet, and seeing the seconds lined up with the overall results has him feeling almost insane. there truly was no competition out here anymore. if he wanted a challenge, he’d have to go looking for it.

and that was exactly what he was going to do, he realizes, as he steps off the podium with a gold medal in hand and the proud gaze of the head coach on him.

-

nationals is in fukui, a six hour train ride away, on the second of august. on the first of the month, shiratorizawa loads onto a train in the morning. eita is not surprised to see many of his peers around him that would be competing in nationals -shiratorizawa was simply that kind of school.

eita has been on the shinkansen before, and knowing what kind of trip it would be, takes some of his summer homework to finish. since he also knows that they would be changing lines in tokyo for the one to kanazawa, he picks some of the less challenging, mind-numbing ones so that he’ll have enough awareness to switch trains.

eita sits in an aisle seat next to a boy he doesn’t know. it’s mostly uneventful, with him scribbling away at his papers and the boy leaning forward to talk to the students that sat in the row ahead. when eita feels like the noise around him is too much, he puts an earbud in and plays songs at random from his phone.

at kanazawa, they switch to a regular train for the last leg of the trip to fukui. it’s definitely hotter closer to the coast like this, and eita feels the lingering regret in his choice of clothing as his track jacket starts sticking to him. the train ride this time should be less than an hour, so everything is packed up in his backpack, and his overnight bag rests in his free hands as he waits for the train at the station.

“semi-san?” he hears as he climbs aboard, sighing in relief at the air conditioning. he looks over to find a girl with a high ponytail leaning out of her seat and into the aisle to address him. she smiles when he makes eye contact. “there’s a free seat here. come sit with us!”

and that’s how he finds himself nestled in with a few second-years. the seats face each other here, which means there was more leg room. everyone has their bags by their feet instead of the overhead slots, and eita follows suit, pushing his overnight bag under the window seat he’d been given and unzipping his other bag as he places it against the wall.

“-don’t understand why i had to give up my seat,” the boy to his left is complaining. it gives eita pause, as he’s reaching for his earbuds. the girl adjacent to him visibly rolls her eyes, rocking her feet forward to knock against the boy’s.

“semi’s a first year, silly. he’s probably never seen this before.”

“if it matters that much to you i’ll switch,” the boy across from eita says, and at that point he’s got one earbud in and his music switched on, so he no longer pays attention as they begin to switch around.

he does end up gazing out the window as they begin to move, and is surprised that he can see the coastline from here. a tap on his arm makes him glance to his left, where the girl has apparently switched seats to. she half-waves and points to her ear, and eita startles, moving to pause the music.

“you’re only wearing one,” she notes.

he shrugs. “i want to be able to hear if something happens.”

she lets out a little laugh at this, slouching in her seat. her legs are thrown over her bag, and she switches which is crossed over the other at the ankle. “don’t worry about that,” she tells him. “i’ll let you know.”

it’s an odd bout of kindness, and eita suddenly feels weird that he doesn’t know her name, or any of their names, really, even when they knew his. she moves into a conversation with the boys, leaving him to his own devices, and eita takes the chance to shrug off the awkwardness, pushing both earbuds in and closing his eyes.

maybe he falls asleep, he’s not sure, but a shaking on his arm gets him to open his eyes. it takes a moment for his vision to settle, and then his arm is shaken again, and he lolls his head to see the second-year girl nodding toward the aisle, where one of the assistant coaches stood.

eita takes the hint and pulls the earbuds out.

“-passing out your room assignments,” the coach is saying, handing stacks of envelopes to whoever was in reach. the boy adjacent to eita accepts the bundle, flipping through to grab the one with his name, and then handing the other three their own. eita takes his gingerly, frowning lightly at his name, and then tugs the flap open to find a list of names on a slip of paper next to a room number, and a key-card for the place they were staying.”

“oh, cool,” the one across from him, in the other window seat, was saying. eita glances up and then glances back up when he sees he’s being watched. “looks like we’re sharing.”

eita looks back down to the names, pursing his lips. maybe he lucked out, then, that out of the three he didn’t recognize, one of them he’d already met.

“that’s convenient,” the girl says. “who else is there?”

instead of listening to him list off the names, she leans into eita’s space and reads for herself. eita takes this in stride, turning the paper to face her, and her eyes light up when she recognizes the connection.

“oh, it’s all the short-distance. i guess there are only five of you. take care of semi-san, okay? he’s the only kouhai you’ve got on this trip.”

eita blinks, caught up on the last part. he misses his roommate’s confirmation as he puzzles this out, and ends up speaking before he realizes. “i’m the only first year?”

they all look at him, and then one by one, start bursting into laughter.

“man, you’re really out of your element here, huh?” the other boy, the not-roommate, says. eita’s lips purse as he tries to think of a comeback. he holds out his hands. “i didn’t mean anything bad. just, well-”

“you’re not very social, is what he’s saying,” the girl says. “there’s a girl on the relay team that’s a first-year, but you’re the only one with an individual event.”

oh. there had been so many that morning that he had just assumed almost everyone had placed for nationals. knowing most of them were second and third-years was . . well, it certainly helped his ego. not that he was letting that go to his head or anything.

before he can ask more, the train arrives, and he’s quickly grabbing his things before being pushed off and led away by one of the boys he’d be staying with.

-

fukui is nice. hot. humid. it’s a dizzying combination that has him staying in the hotel lobby instead of venturing out to see the sights, declining every invitation he’s offered. he finishes the portion of homework he’d been working through on the shinkansen, then puts the rest away for the trip back home. his mom calls after he’s procured a bottle of water, and he visits with her for a minute, lounging on one of the seats in the air-conditioned space.

after showering away a morning’s worth of travel, eita lies down in the unit on one of the beds. he’s the only one in the room, and after his lightheadedness doesn’t quite clear up upon consuming an energy bar, he doesn’t wait for any of the upperclassmen to return to tell him to take the pull-out bed, falling asleep on top of the duvet.

he ends up skipping dinner. when he wakes it’s late, around eleven, and the only light in the room comes from a small lamp near the wall on the other side of the bed. eita glances over to see the boy from the train leaning back against the pillows, scrolling on his phone. he looks up when eita turns and nods to the bedside table on eita’s side, where a peeled orange and a handful of crackers sat.

“for me?” eita murmurs, noticing the room’s other occupants are asleep.

“mhmm. you should try and sleep more, but eat that first. you’ll need something in you before tomorrow.”

“thanks,” he mumbles, reaching over to pull the meal into his lap. he doesn’t necessarily feel bad anymore, but something is still off, which is concerning. maybe it was the change in weather.

the salt from the crackers helps. the orange is good too. eita can’t believe it’s peeled. he sure lucked out with the upperclassmen he was assigned.

“i’m going to bed,” the boy says, after eita has finished and tossed the napkin away. he reaches over to turn off the light, and waves his lit phone for eita to see. “i set an alarm for the morning, so don’t be scared when it goes off.”

“oh, okay,” eita whispers, climbing under the covers. “thank you.”

“nah, don’t sweat it. that’s what i’m here for -to make your life easier.”

“not to win tomorrow?”

“well, that too. night, semi.”

“night.”

-

the next morning eita’s head is swimming, and nothing helps. his pained frown persists through a hot shower, a light breakfast, two medication pills, and the bus ride over to the stadium. he tries to ward off his concerned roommate that he really should be remembering the name of, but all that really gets him is more persistent near-coddling, until eita finally has enough and goes to sprawl in the grass near a corner of the track.

the sky is cloudless and the sun bright, this time. the heat is not helping in the slightest. eita rests a condensating water bottle against his forehead and extends his arms into the air, trying to convince himself to sit up and stretch.

maybe it was nerves. though, he’s never experienced anything like that before. maybe not never, maybe when he was younger, but it’s been a long time, and it wasn’t really something he’d think to concern himself over anymore, so this had to be the cause of something else.

he hopes he’s not sick. that would suck.

he goes through warmup and forgets everything as soon as he’s done it, leaving his body thrumming and his mind blank. he’s not the only one who’s noticed, either, as one of the coaches comes over to have a look at him, coercing him back into the fold and closer to where the rest of shiratorizawa is gathered.

“you still don’t look great,” he says, and eita snorts.

“i’ll be okay,” he mutters.

“still wanna run?” he asks, and eita nods. “alright, that’s your choice. just take it easy until then. keep yourself hydrated. you eat enough this morning?” another nod. “good. come grab someone if you get worse.”

it’s less than ten seconds. he’s only in one event. and it’s nationals, for crying out loud. even if he was dying eita still wouldn’t give up his chance to run.

but when he finally steps into his lane, he feels like his insides have been replaced with cotton. he squeezes his eyes shut and his vision clears, but he still feels slow, heavy. uncoordinated.

at least he knows he can stay in-between his own set of lines. he has enough awareness to position himself with the others, and to hear the signal to start.

that’s about the only thing he remembers. one of the coaches hands him a water when he comes off the track, tells him to eat something. he sits in the grass and drains half the bottle, then nearly passes out.

eventually he does end up falling asleep. he doesn’t feel any better when he’s woken up, but he’s regained enough awareness to put that as secondary, and his results as priority.

when he sees them his heart falls.

-

at eita’s first athletics nationals for the 100m sprint he clocks in at 8.6 seconds. the time is still leagues above his peers, and the only ones ahead of him are third-years.

he places fourth.

even with a remarkable time in his less-than-perfect condition, it’s still not enough for a medal.

the head coach finds him on the field as the sun is setting, and everything is beginning to wrap up. he sits easy beside eita, who rests with his head on his knees. “you still feel sick?”

“sorta?” eita mumbles. he’d eaten lunch, and drank a lot of water and pocari, and camped out in the shade near the bleachers. he’d thought, briefly, about watching other events -at the very least the event of the senpai who’d watched out for him- but he just hadn’t felt well enough to try.

“you timed in at under nine seconds feeling like shit,” coach says bluntly, and eita blinks, moving his head to face him properly. he shrugs. “c’mon, semi, you’re sixteen. i know you’ve heard worse.”

he wasn’t wrong, but it still was a little unexpected.

“you’re the only sixteen-year-old to place in the top twenty. wanna know how i know? because there’s only fifteen slots for 100 meter at nationals, and there’s not another first year around who’s come even close to touching those times. i’ve had enough people on my ass this afternoon telling me that to start to believe it.”

“people have been talking about me?” eita mutters in quiet disbelief.

“yeah, kid, had to beat ‘em off with a stick. wasn’t gonna let anyone interview you while you still looked like you would keel over at any moment. i saved you the trouble, let me tell you.”

he leans back further, gaze rising to the sky, as eita blinks and tries to come to terms with this.

“you didn’t do as well as you wanted, but you still did pretty damn amazing. fourth in the country out of people between sixteen and eighteen is nothing to scoff at. you’ve given me a lot to consider.”

eita looks up. “like what?”

coach shrugs, climbing to his feet and holding out a hand for eita. “i’ll decide on the train. you’ll hear about it by the time the new term starts.” he grins, pulls eita close to pat him on the back. “good work today. can’t wait to see what you’ll do when you’re in good condition.”

-

as promised, eita is greeted with news coming into the second term. big news.

even though he didn’t place at nationals, the head coach allows him a training exemption -two days a week with the team, and that was it. that was all he was obligated for, anyway. if he wanted to show up every day, they’d be happy to have him. if he wanted to focus on his own regimen, well, the staff knew how serious he was, and were happy to oblige him to a certain extent.

semi forks over his adjusted training regimen and has it added on to by one of the assistant coaches, and then sent loose. he pushes himself, balancing mediocre classwork with punishing workouts, and begins to spend less and less time with the team as a whole.

winter break comes and he again borrows one of the gym keys -this time asking the head coach directly. the granted request marks a sudden shift in eita’s mindset. they’re watching me, he realizes. it’s euphoric. he’s a first-year at a powerhouse school like shiratorizawa, and yet he’s being given this special attention.

by the time third term rolls around, it’s too cold to bother with anything but indoor workouts. eita is a regular occurrence in the staff room to borrow and return the gym key. he takes care of his health when he goes running outside. and he pushes himself, faster and harder and further and higher, to the point it becomes noticeable by his peers when he shows up for team practice that he was aiming for another level.

year 2 |

eita gets asked at the opening ceremony to show up to the first day of tryouts, so during the second week of the new term, he forgoes his study period to head out early to the field. none of the first-years are there yet, since school isn’t technically out, but a handful of second and third-years are, gathered close with the coaching staff.

there’s no skirting around them, especially since he didn’t know the reason his presence was required. one of the assistant coaches gets his attention and beckons him closer.

“i’m sure you’re wondering why you’re here,” he says, and eita nods. he grins, holding up a stopwatch next. “it’s about time to reevaluate your record, right?”

oh. oh. suddenly he feels a million times more excited.

“there’s a little more to it than that,” he continues, but eita could care less at this point. “not that you stuck around long enough to see it, but those of you here are our little exhibition gang for the next few days. something for the new kids to be excited about. it’s one thing to know shiratorizawa’s accolades by name, but it’s another thing entirely to see the competition yourself. so we’re re-assessing a handful of you now rather than at official practice, and in return, the first-years get to see what the track and field team is made of.”

“fine by me,” eita answers, nearly unable to keep still. he was used to being watched at this point. and this was beneficial for him, too, so who cared, really?

the coach rolls his eyes. “somehow i knew you’d be less-than-interested in that last part. but that’s okay. the group for day one is everyone you see here, and there will be separate groups for the other two days, so after we’re done with you today we’ll just see you again when practice starts.”

eita was ushered off to join the other students until tryouts began, with instructions to come find that particular short-distance coach so they could time him and cut him loose. he’s greeted after a minute by the relay girl he’d met at nationals, and they engage in idle conversation about the new school year until a plethora of students start to trickle in through the gates.

“i know it’s intended to be the other way around, but this is a good chance to observe them, too,” she ends up saying, and eita, confused, turns back to her. she rolls her eyes. “you never know who’ll end up being your competition. i remember last year, everyone was kinda shocked when a first-year timed in at under ten seconds on a sprint.”

it takes him a moment -too long, really- to catch on, but when he does, he sits up straight in a hurry, pointing to himself. she throws her head back and laughs, her long ponytail trailing on the track.

“you do what you want,” she tells him. “but keep in mind: it’s not a bad idea to watch at how they do.”

one of the older girls calls to her, and she jumps up to go get her hair braided before tryouts really began. eita sits, partially shocked, and thinks that this year, it would maybe be a good idea to not be so self-absorbed.

-

he thinks that, but in actuality, he doesn’t engage with the first-years at all. he stays around the short-distance group his assigned coach was watching over, and while he’s close enough to watch, he’s also far enough for them to not try and engage him. it probably helps that he’s in his track jacket, so they know he’s an upperclassman and not another first-year for them to try and make friends with.

the coach signals for him after he’s warmed up, and eita moves to the track where a third-year short-distance runner was waiting. his arms go over his head in a stretch as the third-year takes a seat near him on the infield, glancing to the coach waiting at the finish mark.

“okay,” eita puffs out, crouching down. “ready.”

the third-year moves to face their coach entirely, cupping his hands over his mouth to be heard over the bustle that was tryouts. eita’s fingertips tense on the track.

“go!” he shouts, more for the coach’s benefit than eita’s own, and eita rockets off. any lingering thoughts he’d had before that moment evaporate. he has a sole focus, leaving no room for anything, not even the pounding of his heart in his chest.

he breaks around three feet after the line, puffing out breaths and feeling the heat of the sun stark on his skin after the exertion. after giving himself a moment he turns to see the coach jotting something down on a clipboard. he glances up and nods at eita, and eita comes closer, meeting up with the third-year that hangs half a step back.

“6.1,” he’s told, and eita’s eyes widen. even if it’s within expectations, the notion that he’d improved is sending him. his mind keeps flashing back to the scoreboard at fukui, to the leading two times. if he could outrun those now, and he would only keep getting better, then. then-

“you’ve shaved off .3 seconds from this time last year. very nice.” the coach nods behind eita, and eita cocks his head slightly and then turns it fully over his shoulder when he finds the head coach standing close by, hands on his hips.

“nice going, kid,” he says, and eita nods. a clap on his shoulder has him looking forward again. the third-year is grinning, lips pulled wide enough to show teeth.

“that’s amazing, semi-kun! i’ve never met anyone with that kinda time before.”

“thanks,” he mutters, suddenly numbed by all the praise. shit, he could be able to thank this guy by name. he didn’t even know what event he ran. was it the 300m? the 150?

the hand moves from his shoulder to his hair, ruffling the two-toned strands, but eita is unbothered, letting it happen. “we’re done, right?” he asks the short-distance coach.

“you two can go,” he assures them. “but take semi by the mids before that. i want him to see kawanishi, and they should be about to start.”

“got it!”

eita lets himself be dragged away, towards another end of the field. “who’s kawanishi?” he mumbles.

“a first-year high jumper. well, that’s what he’s known for, but field events are tomorrow, and they wanted him to try an 800 meter today.”

“hm.”

they take a seat near the mids group, more aligned with the edge of the track. it’s easy enough to spot kawanishi before he’s pointed out to eita -he’s the tallest one there. definitely looked like a high jumper. did he even have the stamina for two laps? long legs weren’t everything.

but thoughts like those quickly dissipate when the first six are lined up and take off. he tunes out his upperclassman to watch, overanalyzing as the mid-distance runners ran around the track. kawanishi wasn’t bad, actually. he needed to pace himself better, but if they thought he was a good fit, the coaches would teach him how.

his form is good. eita hasn’t seen textbook form like that in a long time. he wonders, briefly, if that was kawanishi’s style, or if he didn’t know any other way just yet.

regardless, he clocks in first out of his group. when he crosses the line eita finds that he’s been leaning forward, and sits back in a hurry. his companion muffles a laugh and eita huffs, standing. “that was it, right?”

“almost,” the third-year says, cheerful, and jumps to his feet as well. “swing by the clubroom with me. i’m supposed to give you taiju’s things.” eita must look confused again, because he’s grabbed by the elbow and hauled off. “geez, you’ve never been to the clubroom, huh? i know you don’t show up to practice that much, but c’mon, semi-kun, that’s like, a sacred space! especially now that you’re a second-year, you should practically be living there!”

“i remember a taiju, i think,” eita mutters.

“he was the third-year 100 meter runner the year before. club vice captain? clocked in at ninth in nationals? any of this ringing a bell?”

“uh, sorry,” eita ends up saying, throwing his head back.

“dude, don’t beat yourself up about it.” they stop and eita looks back down to see the other jangling a key into a scuffed door. “he’s only the guy you outran while you were on the verge of heat exhaustion.” he snickers. “plus, he’s gone now, so there’s no one around to offend, right? let me look -ah, here it is.” he pulls out a stack from a cubby and gestures eita closer. “coach wanted you to have his keys, said something about you not bothering him anymore for ‘em.”

“oh.” eita takes them numbly. “thanks.”

the other shrugs. “eh, he said it fondly, so i don’t think he was too pinched up about it. take care of those, alright? here, he left these too.”

eita is handed a thin plastic bag, and his grip goes tighter on it when he realizes what they were. “really?”

“yeah, he wasn’t gonna run in college, so he left his spare spikes here. they’re pretty cool, i think he got them from overseas. well, it’s your choice if you wanna use them, alright? don’t feel like you have to or anything.”

“i don’t really use spikes,” eita admits. “i mean, i haven’t really tried.”

“first time for everything, right?” when eita looks up the third-year is smiling. “if you do decide to try ‘em out, you’ll have top-dollar ones to experiment with.”

this year really was . . starting to look different. and season hadn’t even started yet.

-

the second week of practice, and the third time semi shows up in the new term, the track team is graced by a visitor.

eita is collapsed on the slanted part of the hill leading away from the track after an exercise, breathing deep and clenching a water bottle tight in his hands. he raises it up for a drink when a loud ‘HEY!’ gets his attention, and ends up squirting water in his face, gasping at the cold sensation. one of the other runners near him breaks out into laughter. he’s not the only one, and eita sits up to look over his shoulder, catching the offender as he meanders down the hill.

he’s tall, even doubled-over, having caught sight of eita’s accident and burst into this howling laughter that immediately gains the attention of everyone around who had overlooked him. eita purses his lips, setting the bottle in the grass between his legs.

“s-sorry, i didn’t meant to scare ya like that!” he assures eita, but his expression suggests he didn’t quite mean it.

“what are you doing here, tendou?” someone asks, and now eita has a name to put with the face.

“just checking in,” he says, waving the other off. he’s still in his school uniform, eita notes, even after school had been out for a- wait, checking in for what!?

“student council need something?” someone else asks. “what did we do for the vice president himself to come all the way out here?”

tendou flaps his hand harder, if possible. “nothing! i’m serious. i’m supposed to go check in with the clubs throughout the week, see that everything is running smoothly. it’s just a courtesy visit.”

“where’s ushijima, then? the president too good for courtesy visits?”

“waka’s at practice,” tendou states, a little too blunt. he stops short, hands in his pockets now, and a little too close for eita’s liking. “he’s done his share, so i told him to skip out today. i’ll bring him next time.” he perks up. “oh! yama’s here! later!”

he runs off, shouting loudly for one of the mid-distance runners, and eita collapses in the grass again, breathing out slow now that the wake of the hurricane has passed.

-

it’s the same day the following week that the student council shows up at the track field. eita spots the shock of red hair from across the field and inwardly grimaces. as expected, over time the volume rises, and by the time eita’s group is given a moment to cool down, two sets of footsteps are fast approaching.

“oh, perfect, you’re done,” tendou addresses the group as a whole, and eita closes his eyes as he flops to the ground, no longer willing to squint up at the bright sun.

“for now,” someone says.

“hey, you brought the president this time!” someone else says, and eita risks the sun to open his eyes.

before he can make out the other properly, coach is urging them all to get up. three laps around the track, and then they were good to go. eita is relieved, honestly. it had been a long enough practice already, and he didn’t really wanna be stuck around the two outsiders for longer than necessary.

his luck doesn’t last, though, as his name is called halfway through his second lap. eita slows to a jog, then stops entirely when he sees just who was vying for his attention, trying his best not to gawk.

the man was a hulk, for lack of a better word. if he hadn’t been in a student uniform, eita would’ve thought him a teacher. he blinks, pointing to himself, and the guy nods, moving down the hill a little to get closer. eita purses his lips, looks to the side at the others running, then sighs and moves to the outside lane.

“who’s this guy, waka?” tendou asks, and damn if he didn’t come out of nowhere, making eita jump, unable to contain himself as he’s startled. tendou blinks in surprise, then his face lights up, placing eita from the week before.

“semi eita,” waka says. “we’re in the same class.”

“we-” eita cuts himself off before he can finish embarrassing himself. if this guy says they were, eita would believe him. the student council president definitely had more social awareness than the likes of him.

he seems to catch on anyways, frowning slightly and offering his hand. eita takes it after hesitating long enough for it to matter. “ushijima wakatoshi,” he tells eita, and eita nods, reminding himself to commit the name to memory.

“hah? you mean you have waka in class and don’t even remember?” tendou starts laughing. “how do you miss a presence like that?”

eita turns his head to the side, fighting back a blush. ushijima must take pity on him, because he gestures to another group of people further down the way. “satori, there’s still more people, right?”

“yeah, yeah, go on ahead,” tendou says, waving him off. ushijima shrugs.

“good to see you, semi-kun.”

“uh, sure,” eita mumbles.

he turns to get back into a center lane, but tendou stops him. “hey, wait! i wanted to ask you something.”

eita’s careful as he bites down on his lip. “what is it?”

“your hair is neat!” tendou’s smile shows all his teeth, this time. “did you do it yourself?”

“oh.” eita reaches up subconsciously, fingering the darker tips. “yeah, last summer.” he probably needed to do it again, since he’d gotten his hair cut since then. though he’d really just been planning on growing it out, so that he wouldn’t have to mess with it for a while.

before tendou can say anything else, eita points to the track. “i’m. um. gonna go.”

“yeah yeah yeah.” tendou flaps his hand again and eita fights back a grimace. must be a habit or something. “thanks for letting me steal your time. i’ll let you get back to it.”

-

eita picks a different day of the week to show up for practice. the reason he gives isn’t anything special, but he was unwilling to admit the true reason was so that he could avoid the student council.

unfortunately it doesn’t matter.

he has his shoes off so he can balance his heel on his shoulder better, camped out on the grass a little further apart from the others moving about the field. once he feels like he can do it, he leans back and uses his hand to push his leg up by the ankle, until it’s extended all the way in the air. he sets his other hand back in the grass and breathes out, mentally counting down to when he could release.

“damn, you’re pretty flexible, huh?”

eita’s arm falters and his leg curls a little. he leans back to see around it, and his face goes carefully blank when he sees tendou satori standing there. he lets his leg drop fully, foot loud on the grass.

“what?”

“bet that’s good for all sorts of things,” tendou says, and eita frowns. he really needed to stretch his other leg, but like hell was he going to put himself on display for tendou to see, not after that comment. he moves his arm across his chest instead, looking straight ahead across the field.

“don’t you have other people to bother?” he says after he’s done with both arms, then promptly snaps his jaw shut, a little mortified. he hadn’t meant to say that. out loud.

tendou takes it in stride, laughing as he settles on the grass. “i’m just checking up,” he assures eita. “don’t have to go talk to everyone. i’m too busy today anyways.”

“then why me?” eita mutters, and if his ears are red then he can’t help it.

“you’re interesting.” eita frowns, glancing over at him. “no, really. i’m not being mean or anything. you just seem like a cool guy, semi-kun.”

“i’m pretty average,” he mumbles.

“yama says you’re good at your event.”

eita raises a brow and tendou rolls his eyes. “seriously? do you know anyone in your grade? yamagata hayato! he’s a mid-distance runner?”

“um.” eita turns away again. “uh.”

“semi! you ready or what?” someone shouts from across the field. eita takes the chance and climbs to his feet.

“gotta go,” he mutters. then he leaves tendou to sit there.

-

“waka!” a voice drawls out, and eita, who had bent down to retrieve a fallen object, jumps, ramming his head on the underside of his desk. he breathes out in pain, moving back to his knees, and his hand comes up to feel around his head.

“oh? semisemi, is that you?”

“what?” eita opens his eyes to squint, glancing to the open classroom door. tendou stood in front of it, one hand still on the handle.

“what are you doing on the ground, semisemi?” tendou moves fully into the near-empty room, hands in his pockets. eita drops his hand from his hair and slowly moves to his feet.

“that’s not my name,” he mutters, placing his pen back on his desk.

“oh, come now.” tendou waves his hand. “haven’t you ever heard of nicknames?”

“don’t people get those from their friends?”

tendou stumbles back for dramatics, holding a hand over his heart. “semisemi! you wound me. and here i thought we had something special.”

eita rolls his eyes and resumes packing up his bag.

“hey, have you seen waka around?”

“ushijima-san already left. no, i don’t know where.”

“oh. hum. too bad.” tendou’s eyes are still on him, curious, and he leans back against an empty desk. “you’re not in a rush to leave. no practice today?”

“not today,” eita answers, zipping his bag shut. it was actually one of his days off, since he’d been coerced into taking a day of rest during the week, so there wasn’t any self-practice, either. hm. actually, now that he thought about it, maybe he shouldn’t have said-

“then come do something with me!” tendou proclaims, and eita falters, missing he bag’s straps and dropping it down onto the chair instead. he forgets it momentarily to stare up at tendou, who doesn’t give him a moment to refuse or reconsider. “i have to gain that friendship status if i want nickname rights, right? don’t suddenly tell me you have stuff to do, either! even if you do, well, i’ll just come with you! moral support! the works!”

he truthfully only caught about half of that, and that was enough for a headache to develop. eita frowns and picks up his bag proper. “i don’t have anything to do,” he mumbles. “but-”

“so it’s settled!”

“don’t you have student council things to take care of?”

“already done!” tendou kicks off the ground to sit fully on the desk, swinging his legs in the air. “i was gonna grab waka, but this works better! c’mon, semisemi, we’ll do anything you want. it’s your off day, so you can treat yourself, right? let’s go get ice cream! i’ll buy you some taiyaki! can’t go wrong with kakigori!”

“why are they all food related?” eita mutters, then shakes his head. “fine, okay. we can go.”

“yes!” tendou jumps from the desk and raises his arms high. the next moment he’s dragging eita from the classroom and down the hall. “oh this is gonna be so much fun. there’s a combini not far from here me and waka hit up sometimes, they have the cutest cashier, you’ll love it, i swear.”

eita pulls his phone out on the outskirts of school grounds, sending a quick message to his mom that he’d be home later than usual. tendou catches on and stops talking, trailing back from where he’s ahead of eita to look down at the phone.

“who’s that?”

“my mom?” eita snaps the phone shut and stuffs it in a pocket. “i’m usually home by now on fridays, so.”

“you don’t live in the dorms?” eita shakes his head and tendou hums, leaning his head back with one hand under his chin. “come to think of it, i’ve never seen you around. still, i didn’t think we had any commuters at shiratorizawa.”

“home isn’t far,” eita mutters. “school is already expensive as is.”

“you don’t have a sports scholarship?”

“it doesn’t cover it all,” eita admits. “really, it’s not that big a deal. can we talk about something else?”

tendou loops his arm through eita’s own. “sure thing, semisemi!” he gets dragged up a set of steps, then automatic doors open for a rush of cold air to greet them. “here’s the place i was talking about. taka-chan! hi!”

eita looks over to see the girl behind the register wave at them, a slightly exasperated smile on her face. he’s tugged over to the freezer before he can contemplate that.

they sit against the railings outside the store while they eat so they can catch the shade. it’s not bad. tendou had paid for his melon ice, and it was amazing to watch him tackle his own double popsicle, insisting he could finish both.

eita ends up finishing first, and in the end they start moving before tendou has a chance to toss his second popsicle stick. they trail up the road and tendou starts whining when he’s halfway done, complaining of a stomachache.

“gari-gari-kun would be disappointed,” eita drones, as he watches melted blue spill onto the sidewalk. tendou whines louder and eita hides a snort with both hands, turning his head away.

“so mean to me, semisemi. won’t even help me finish.”

“you took on that challenge all on your own. leave me out of it.”

“mmmm, i guess.” tendou sighs and drops the hand with the now-empty stick to his side. his fingers are all sticky. “hey, where are we going?”

eita perks up. “you have to go back, right? i was-”

“yeah,” tendou drawls, cutting eita off. “but not now. being there is so stifling sometimes. plus, i’ll have to work when i get back!”

eita raises a brow. “i thought you said you already finished?” tendou turns away and his lips curl up. “or is this you running away?”

“it’s n-” tendou cuts himself off, face suddenly as red as his hair. “not,” he mutters, quieter. “maybe,” he finishes.

“the vice president, skipping out on his duties.” eita shakes his head. “what will people think?”

“nothing if you don’t tell them,” tendou bites, moving closer and raising his sticky hands. “got it, semisemi?”

eita moves back, shuddering. “don’t you dare.”

“i bought you ice cream.”

“i took you off campus.”

“i made your day more exciting!” tendou winks and eita rolls his eyes.

“i’m indulging you.”

“yeah, you are.” tendou steps back. “let me walk you home.”

“huh?”

“you have to go back, right?” he says, echoing eita’s earlier words. “i’ll take you there. don’t worry, i’m good with directions, and i have waka on speed-dial if i get lost.”

eita blinks. “if you’re trying to be convincing you’re doing a terrible job. what’s in it for me?”

“getting to bring a friend home to your mom?”

eita crosses his arms over his chest. tendou tries again.

“helping a friend shirk his responsibilities for a little longer?”

“mhmm.”

“semisemi, please! i’m begging you!” he falls to the ground. “i’m on my knees!”

eita, unable to contain his act any longer, bursts into laughter. tendou’s expression breaks as he realizes he’s being messed with, and he reaches forward with his hands again. eita jumps back, laughing harder, a little more panicked now. tendou stumbles to his feet and eita runs off, not surprised that the other follows.

“i have long legs, semisemi!” tendou calls.

“if you think that means you can outrun me, that’s a bad call,” eita answers, speeding up around a corner. he spins on his heel to break and presses himself to the concrete wall, watching with baited breath as tendou appears and moves right past him, then pauses several paces away, confused.

“this is my street,” eita admits, and tendou whips around. eita points ahead. “we just go all the way down, then take a left. easy, right?”

“oh.” tendou stops, panting from the exertion. “easy,” he echoes. “sure.” he swallows, regaining some of his composure. “you can run really fast.”

eita raises a brow and tendou waves him off. “i know, i know. let’s just go already.”

-

there’s a practice meet with two other schools a week before midterms. perhaps because of this, shiratorizawa hosts, enabling their live-in student population the option of not having to travel while they were busy trying to cram for tests.

for eita, it didn’t really matter that much. he had always tested well. as long as he had the practical portions down, any sort of written exam wasn’t something he bothered himself with stressing over.

the rest of the team was another story. he discovers this when he walks into the clubroom on the day of the meet.

papers are strewn absolutely everywhere, enough so that he has a hard time walking around them all. about seven people are gathered around the low table in the corner, and the rest are laid out across the floor, each inhabiting their own space with textbooks, highlighters, notecards -the works. eita feels like he’s entered through a portal into another world. his presence doesn’t get much attention. those that do notice only offer a simple greeting before resuming their studying.

eita does his best to maneuver around it all and plant himself in front of his cubby, pushing his bag into the space and unbuttoning his summer uniform. he pulls on a loose shirt and ties his jacket to his waist, and only then does he bother addressing the room as a whole.

“y’know, there’s only an hour until we start,” he says, raising his voice just a little. it takes a moment for everyone to process, and then one more for the tumultuous effect to appear, people scrambling to their feet, the sound of books shutting audible as they raced to get out of their uniforms.

eita opts to leave the chaos behind, trailing from the room with his shoes in hand.

there’s already people at the field, but they all leave eita alone. he walks along the concrete until another path becomes unavoidable, then sits out of the way to put his shoes on, observing the surroundings as he does so.

the ones in green he thinks are datekogyo. he doesn’t know about the others -he hadn’t really asked, either. eita rolls onto the grass proper and moves himself into a more isolated corner of the hill, spreading his legs out in front of him.

“semi-san?”

“mm?” he pulls his head back to see a ginger in purple standing behind him. something about him is strangely familiar.

“mii-san is looking for you. said something about causing an uproar earlier.”

it takes a moment to click, and when it does eita resumes stretching with a snort. “their own fault,” he mutters. “where is she?”

“helping another school get settled.”

“that’s the captain for ya.” eita throws his arms over his head and locks his hands in a stretch. “okay, thanks for telling me. i’ll go see her in a minute.”

“taichi!” someone calls, and the shadow over eita disappears. he locks his knees and splays out sideways on the ground, twisting to stretch his midsection and hips at the same time.

mii’s long hair is already braided when he reaches her. she’s still in conversation, but pins him with a look that has him stiffen where he stands, waiting until she’s done. when she breaks away, it’s to a stab a finger to his chest that has eita reflexively moving back.

“i know you were trying to help, but have some tact next time, please.” she rolls her eyes as eita opens his mouth to protest. “some of them practically live in the clubroom right now. they’re stressed enough as is with midterms coming up. don’t make it worse.”

“got it,” he mutters.

“tai-kun grabbed you, right?”

eita raises his head, blinks. “the . . ginger?”

“oh.” mii covers a laugh with her hand and eita frowns. “i thought you had gotten better with names. kawanishi taichi. the first year in high jump? you saw him at tryouts, right?”

“isn’t he a mid?” eita remembers the face, now that he thinks about it. “his form was all stiff, though.”

“that’s what he’s trying today. i think they wanted him on a 300 too, but his field event happens at the same time, so it’s a no-go.” she shrugs, and a call of her name captures her attention. “anyway, i just wanted you to see him again. play nice with the first years today!”

-

short-distance events are the last of the running events this time -if you didn’t count relays, that is- so that gives eita plenty of time to warmup and then sit back and do whatever. it’s during some of this downtime that a loud call of his full name has him turning to attention, spying a burly man in dark green approaching.

eita points to himself in question and the man’s face lights up. “i thought so!” he calls, louder even as he’s far closer than last time. “it’s been- oh, right! introductions.” he holds out a hand. “i’m kamasaki yasushi! we ran against each other in-”

“middle school,” eita finishes, finally placing the face. “you’ve gotten taller. uh. a lot taller.”

kamasaki throws his head back and laughs, loud enough to attract unwanted attention. if eita hadn’t already been subjected to the whirlwind known as tendou satori, he might’ve been intimidated.

“word is you’ve gotten faster! can’t wait to see it in person.” he holds out a fist. “may the best man win.”

eita bumps it with his own, accepting the challenge. “sure thing.”

-

he ends up corralled into watching the mid-distance events, having nothing better to do at that point. one in particular catches his attention, and he squints down at the track as he spies familiar ginger hair.

“oh, taichi-kun?” reo, one of the particular people that had roped him into this activity, and the secondary vice captain of the team, reclines back in his seat in the stands. he moves his hands from behind his head to below his chin as he muses. “hmm. i think it’s just the 800 meter today. he should do pretty well. he’s loosened up since pre-season, at least. but if you want my opinion, haya-chan is beating out everyone today.”

eita must look as outwardly confused as he feels inside, because reo rocks forward to point over the railing, at another shiratorizawa athlete pacing near the starting line. “yamagata hayato. he’s a second-year like you.”

“i’ve heard of him,” eita mutters.

reo smirks, leaning back again. “well, guess that’s the bare minimum. his older brother, hayashi, has the school record for the 600 meter. he was outgoing when i was a first-year, got injured or something, so that’s about all i know. haya-chan’s real serious about running. he’s kinda like you, in that respect. though, he definitely has more social awareness.”

eita hunches further into his seat. “you don’t have to rub it in.”

reo laughs, reaching over to slap eita’s back. “i’m just messing with you! cheer up, kid.”

“hm.”

he can’t lie that he’s intrigued by yamagata, knowing he was the one tendou was always running to when he showed for practice. but as the first heat lines up, his attention diverts to kawanishi.

eita doesn’t really . . mid-distance events were fine, but it still took a minute for the results. it wasn’t like watching short-distance, way less engaging, but it was at least more entertaining than watching the mile-runners.

eita’s interest dips after the first several seconds, and he feels his eyes wander over the gathered crowd in the stands. he’s not sure who he’s looking for, among all the students that had come out perhaps for a break from studying, but he doesn’t find them before there’s a swell in noise that has him facing the track again, watching several runners enter the last lap.

kawanishi taichi’s form really has loosened, but he’s not sure that’s a good thing. he seems more lanky in his movements now, and while his long legs made up for it, the dip in speed was still noticeable.

he ends up crossing the finish line in third. it’s close, but there’s still another heat, so eita has doubts about him placing.

“not bad,” reo mumbles, leaned on the railing. he crosses his arms over each other and looks over at eita. “for someone new at it.”

“good point,” eita answers. he watches as yamagata moves to clap his junior on the back, taking his place in the same lane. eita can’t tell -he thinks kawanishi looks off-put. whether it’s from the results or yamagata’s reassurance is up in the air.

“i think haya-chan is really gunning for ishikawa this year,” reo notes.

eita blinks. “ishi- what’s there?”

“nationals.”

eita frowns. “there hasn’t been a confirmed location yet.”

reo rolls his eyes. “my god, you and mii are both the same. it’s between ishikawa and ibaraki. and ishikawa is further to travel to, so why not get my hopes up for it?”

“but we went to the west coast last year.”

“ishikawa is twice as long a trip as ibaraki,” reo argues, holding up two fingers and moving them apart to illustrate his point.

“i think you need to get out more,” semi says, before the other can begin a tirade he really doesn’t want to hear.

“all i’m saying is-”

the starting shot interrupts reo, and they both turn to watch as the second heat takes off. yamagata instantly pulls a lead, but he’s pacing himself, because it doesn’t last, two people on his heels once they’re out of the first bend. eita loses interest on the second straight, but reo’s narration keeps him entertained enough to keep his eyes from wandering.

“see how they’re dropping off now? but watch haya-chan. he’s not speeding up or slowing down -it’s all been the same pace since the beginning.”

he was right. lap two comes around, and everyone besides yamagata was beginning to stagger, losing form or speed as they tried to push themselves, or recover from an earlier stint. he comes around the final bend several paces ahead of the rest, and in the final stretch pushes off into a dead sprint, easily placing first.

“wow,” eita mutters, as he lets reo stand and wrap an arm around his neck and shout in celebration. the crowd goes crazy and then settles as the results are compiled, and reo releases eita to stretch his arms above his head.

“alright, time for me to go.”

“good luck out there,” eita tells him, and he tosses him a thumbs-up in return before running off.

-

eita is on the infield, spread-eagle, when it finally gets dark enough to switch on the stadium floodlights. he takes it in stride, eyeing the setting sun, and is grateful that there was no school the following day.

“must be nice to have a two minute walk home,” he mutters to himself, thinking about everyone that lived on campus.

“there you are, semi! ready to go?”

he looks up from his legs to see the head coach ambling over. he can’t make out his eyes underneath the shade of the hat he wore, but his lips were pulled into a low grin, and that was enough to go on.

“ready,” he replies. “you sticking around to watch?”

“well, i’ll see what happens. there are a few things going on that i’ll have my eye on.”

eita nods, bending his legs so the bottoms of his feet press together. his shoes are in the grass to the side. coach eyes them for a moment.

“you got taiju’s old spikes, right? thought about trying them out yet?”

eita hums. “maybe. i don’t know. that seems like a big change to make.” he relaxes his legs, sitting up properly. “what i do now works.”

coach shrugs. “just a thought. you do what you want.” his pocket buzzes and he pulls out his phone. “hm. gotta run. i’ll find you again later, alright?”

“yeah.” eita waves him off, settling back to pull on his shoes and tighten the laces.

there’s only one heat for the 100m, and it supercharges eita, knowing he didn’t get the chance to instantly know results like this very often. kamasaki catches his eye from the far lane, but eita only distractedly nods at him, already slipping into hyper-focus mode. his record for the new term was 6.1s. as long as he aimed for that, he was golden.

he presses his fingerpads onto the track, looking up from them to eye the finish line. in, and out.

the breeze ruffles his hair, but he’s never let his bangs grow long enough to fall into his eyes. everything he does prepares him to run. every inconvenience considered.

his toes curl in his shoes, and very briefly, he wonders what a little more traction would feel like.

then the signal fires, and all his wonders disappear, taken up by one single focus.

he breaks easy three steps after the line, one foot in front of the other, and takes a moment to breathe. then he looks up to the scoreboard, not a moment too late, results flickering into the screen.

6.12 seconds. that was his time. second place was in the nines, and everyone else fell from there.

eita breathes out again, lifting his hands to rest on his head. that was the best he’d ever done, and it was for a practice meet.

“god, semi, they really weren’t kidding with saying you got faster!”

eita snaps out of it as kamasaki approaches. he didn’t catch the first part, but context wasn’t needed as he continues, so eita forgets about it.

“six seconds? that’s almost unbelievable, man.” kamasaki shakes his head. “here i was, thinking my height gave me an edge. you sure proved me wrong.”

eita glances at the scores again, confirming kamasaki’s time was second. “yours is still good,” he says, and kamasaki wrinkles his nose, so he presses on. “no, really. it’s not pity. that’s a top time in miyagi for sure.”

kamasaki laughs, but it’s awkward. his hand lands on eita’s shoulder. “well, thanks. good job today. it’s hard to believe we’re the same age.”

a roar from the crowd leaves them both distracted, and eita angles his head to the side of the field. “what’s that?” he mutters.

“i think high jump is still going on,” kamasaki confesses. “or maybe it’s triple. listen, i gotta run, i’m in a relay event soon. it was good to see you!” he pounds a fist to his chest. “next time i won’t lose!”

eita watches him go, replaying their conversation in his head as something catches his attention. he only realizes it was the comment about height, the same thing tendou had said to him, when mii comes up from behind and pokes at the backs of his knees, leaving him stumbling forward.

“sorry i missed it, but hey, that time speaks for itself,” she says, laughing off his annoyed expression. “seriously, how are you a highschooler? that much dedication should be illegal.”

“you really sure you wanna say that, captain?” eita quips.

she raises her hands in surrender. “hey, all i’m saying is that there are limits. you better do well on midterms, alright, or coach will have my head. even if you’re not here full-time, you’re still my responsibility as part of the team.” she hums, prying off her headband and smoothing back her hair so she can readjust it. “oh yeah, satori was looking for you earlier.”

eita perks up. “tendou?”

“don’t know what the vice pres wants, but he seemed pretty adamant about it, so i thought i’d warn you.” she jerks a thumb over her shoulder. “he should be near that way somewhere. well, field events are over now, so maybe now. worth a shot though.” she shrugs. “relay is starting, so i’m off. come watch if you have time!”

“good luck,” eita calls, moving away as well.

even with the swell in people, it’s not hard to spot tendou. ushijima is with him, but upon noticing eita, tendou breaks away to meet him, waving wildly.

“semisemi! i can’t believe you were competing- listen, this event we were watching was crazy! that first year you got has some serious talent.”

eita, confused, tips his head. “elaborate.”

“high jump! kawanishi-kun! yama made us watch, and wow, i’m glad he did. oh, did you see yama run? he’s pretty amazing, right? that’s really what i came for, but yama promised kawanishi-kun he’d watch his event, and then we got roped into it, and now the sun isn’t out anymore, but y’know, no school tomorrow, so it’s cool-”

“tendou,” eita interrupts, watching the other’s jaw snap shut. “mii-san said you needed me.”

“mayu? oh right! come with me!” tendou takes him by the arm and drags him forward, until they’re near ushijima again. “waka! look! i found him!”

“it was more like i found you,” eita mutters, but it goes unnoticed.

“hello, semi-kun,”ushijima says. eita nods back. “i look forward to working with you.”

“what?” eita stumbles, caught off-guard.

ushijima hums, taking his reaction in stride, then turns to tendou. “satori, you didn’t tell him yet, did you?”

tendou waves him off. “not yet, waka, geez, way to jump the gun. where’s yama?”

“with his junior.”

“oh fine then, forget about him. hey, semisemi, listen.” he turns to grab eita by both shoulders, and eita, shocked, lets it happen. “i need a favor.”

his lips downturn, slightly. “w-what?”

“be on our relay team for sports day.”

“huh?” eita deadpans, mentally tracking the dates. “but that’s weeks away!”

“it’s on june fifth,” ushijima supplies, and eita’s eyes fall shut.

“and student council’s already planned it,” he realizes. “why me, exactly?”

“we need a fourth person!” tendou finally releases him, stepping back. “and you’re perfect! no matter how far behind we are, if we put you as the last leg, it’s a guaranteed win! at least, that’s what yama said,” he finishes, trailing off and losing some of his energy with the last bit.

eita’s brows rise. “you have no idea, do you?”

tendou snaps his fingers. “relay runner. right? that’s why yama-”

“those are going on now.”

tendou falters, but he regains his energy in a heartbeat. “please be on our team!” he holds a thumbs-up and eita’s arms cross over his chest.

“if it’s that important to you, i suppose i can consider.”

“you’re messing with me again, aren’t you?” tendou mutters, turning his hand so it’s a thumbs-down.

eita snorts. “who plans out stuff this far in advance?”

“me! it’s literally my job!”

“oh, right.”

tendou sighs, turning to ushijima and slowly shaking his head.

eita shrugs. “well, if that’s all you-”

“wait, wait!” tendou yells, stopping up. “it’s late. come eat with us.”

“i can’t leave until this is all over,” eita admits, a little touched by the invite.

“then i’ll bring you something. you must be starved from being out here so long. here, give me your line.”

eita feels strangely coerced, as he enters his line info into tendou’s phone, but he doesn’t mind, either. his own phone was still sitting in his jacket, out on the field. he should probably go grab it.

“just sit somewhere i can reach you,” tendou tells him, and eita assures him he would, waving the two off. he could at least get his jacket before retreating to the outskirts again. it was cold, even for may. and tendou was right -he was hungry. even if he went home to a hot meal waiting, it would still have to be after everything was wrapped up here, and that would take time.

it was. nice. for him to bring eita something. to go out of his way like that.

he’d never had a friend quite like that before.

-

miracleboy. what can you even eat??? waka is being unhelpful miracleboy. theres fruit miracleboy. you want an apple? miracleboy. oh wait miracleboy. [photo attached]

eita is reclined on a higher part of the hill, having a better view of the entire track from up here. he’s distracted from relays by tendou’s incessant messages, but he doesn’t mind, smiling and rolling his eyes each time his phone chimes.

semieita the muffins look good

miracleboy. noted! ill grab a couple

semieita thanks

miracleboy. yama says hi, btw miracleboy. [photo attached]

eita squints up at his phone, opening the attachment to see a blurry picture of yamagata hayato halfway forming a peace sign. the background is obviously the school cafeteria.

semieita odd, since he’s supposed to be here

miracleboy. hes “““lost””” rn semisemi miracleboy. b back before it ends

semieita right. sure. got it. whatever you say

miracleboy. how can you b that sarcastic thru text

“semi-san?”

eita looks up from his phone to find kawanishi taichi hiking up closer, hands stuffed into his jacket pockets. he drops his phone to his chest, sitting up a little more.

kawanishi stops short, looking ruffled. “have you seen yamagata-san around?”

“no,” eita says, perhaps a little too quickly. “but i can help, if you need something,” he tries, trying to smooth it over. “you’re kawanishi, right?”

“you can just call me taichi,” he mutters, face turned to the ground.

“taichi-kun, then.” eita blinks, as taichi stays like that. his phone buzzes and he pockets it, moving to properly sit up. “everything okay?”

“uh, yeah.” taichi shrugs. “sorry. i’m just a little lost.”

eita gestures to the grass and, after a moment, taichi sits down. “i saw your event,” he starts. this gains taichi’s attention, and he finally looks up again. “not the main one,” eita clarifies. “the 800. you did pretty well, for your first time.”

taichi’s lips quick up, turning wry. “not really my strong suit, huh? you should’ve seen my field event.”

“next time,” eita promises.

taichi perks up a little more. “really?”

“as long as they don’t overlap again.” he nods, committing before he can back out.

“i’d like that,” taichi admits. “and, um, you were really amazing today! i’ve never seen someone that fast in person.”

eita blinks, and then it all hits him, and he can’t believe he didn’t realize sooner. the bashfulness, the quiet, the wanting, the praise -kawanishi taichi, to a certain extent, looked up to eita.

it’s the first moment being an upperclassman has really hit him, really set in. he doesn’t know what to do with this information. actually, he has an idea, but he thinks trying to ruffle taichi’s hair would be too much.

“’in person’ is an interesting distinction to make.”

“well, i mean.” taichi turns his head to the side. “i’ve seen the olympics,” he mutters.

eita can’t help the laugh that tears from his throat. taichi doesn’t seem to mind. he wants to say something, eita can tell, but before he can eita’s phone starts going off, and he pries it from his pocket.

it’s tendou, calling. “what?” he answers.

“semisemi, thank god! i thought someone got you! how could you just not reply like that?”

eita’s smile is easy on his lips. “i was busy.”

“well, get un-busy! i need to know where you are.”

eita rolls his eyes and relays his location, then glances down at taichi. “hey, is yamagata sneaking back with you? tell him he forgot something.”

“shhh, semisemi, secret, remember? and forgot wha-”

there’s noise on the other end, muffled, though eita makes out a tai-chan in the midst.

“noted,” tendou eventually says. “see you soon. don’t move or anything! you’re a lot harder to find than i am!”

eita hangs up and tosses the phone into the grass next to his feet. “alright, kid, you’re all set. wanna wait here?” he points down to the field. “or you can join the party down there.”

literal, as all the members of the shiratorizawa boys 4x400m relay are dog-piled by their peers and then lifted into the air. the victory shouts reach all the way up here.

“oh, nao’s in there,” taichi says, mostly to himself. eita smiles and leans forward.

“go see him, then. yamagata will find you soon enough.”

“okay.” taichi stands, moves down a few feet, then turns back. “thanks, semi-san.”

eita waves him down.

-

“one delivery for semisemi!”

eita leans his head back to see tendou sliding down from over the incline. he presents a package made from a wrapped napkin that eita reaches up to carefully take.

inside are two mixed-berry muffins, each just smaller than his fist, and a handful of ocean crackers. there’s warmth coming from the muffins.

“thanks,” he says, while tendou takes a seat next to him, spreading his lanky limbs across the grass.

“no problem. oh hey, mayu’s race is starting!”

eita turns to the field with one of the muffins in hand, biting into it. he squints when he makes out the girls dressed in purple. “which one’s she?”

“there!” tendou points to the leadoff, and when she turns to address the others, her braid flies over her shoulder. eita hums.

“mii-san?” that would make this the 4x100m, and the last race of the night.

“yep. man, i’m glad i caught it, since she asked me to stay. would’ve had to ask someone for the results otherwise, and that’s a whole hassle, y’know?”

eita stuffs some of the crackers past his lips. “you mean, to make it seem like you watched?”

tendou winces, then turns hard to face him. “listen, semisemi, do you have any idea what mayu is like when she’s mad?”

“a little,” eita answers, recalling earlier that afternoon. he shivers, suddenly understanding. “good point.”

mayu. something about that bugged him. and, hadn’t she called him satori, earlier?

eita finishes the first muffin and glances over at tendou, finding him completely transfixed as all the relay runners get into position. well, if he came to that conclusion, it was understandable, right? it made sense, right?

eita finishes his food, and the girls win their race, and the two of them pick their way back down to solid ground as the commotion settles. eita hangs back a step or two behind tendou as he moves easily across a corner of the field and onto the track. “mayu!” he calls, gaining the track team captain’s attention with ease.

“satori!” she calls back, and then she’s swept up into a hug. “you actually stuck around!”

“you were amazing! are you like that every time? why aren’t you on top of the world yet?”

mii blushes at this, pushing him away. “that’s too much,” she says, and tendou backs off with a laugh.

“nice one, captain,” eita chimes in, and mii looks over at him, her eyes lighting up.

“semi!” she folds him into a hug, too, probably still high off the euphoria. “i know you’re glad this is all over. thanks for sticking around.”

“no problem,” he wheezes, and she releases him with a laugh that breaks into a thoughtful look.

“hey, how are you getting home? it’s so dark out now.”

eita shrugs. “i’ll-”

“you still have your bike, right?” she asks tendou. “why don’t you take him?”

“oho!” tendou claps his hands together. “i like the way you think, mayu. i even know the way,” he sings, dragging the last word out.

“don’t i get a say?” eita asks, disgruntled.

“nope!” both of them reply in sync, smiling at him.

“just tag along with this guy a little longer,” mii orders, pointing to tendou. “for my peace of mind.”

“i’ll have to go grab my bike,” tendou notes, and mii shrugs.

“you can go now. just meet semi at the clubroom.”

“isn’t there a meeting soon?” eita asks, gesturing to everyone around them packing up.

mii shakes her head. “yes and no. it’s not important. i’ll tell them you went home early. just remember there’s no practice next week.”

“sure i won’t miss anything?”

“i’ll message satori if it’s important.”

“why do i feel like you’re trying to get rid of me?”

“nah.” she flaps her hand, gesturing for him to go away. “you’re imagining it. try not to move anyone’s stuff around when you grab your things, okay, or i’ll have to kill you to appease the masses.”

that certainly explained away the ulterior motive. “sleeping there is unhealthy,” eita calls, once he’s further away.

“some of us don’t test well like you do!” mii shouts back as she takes off her headband. she moves it over her thumb and uses it like a slingshot, firing at another third-year who screams in response.

eita leaves behind the track field’s happy atmosphere for one of his own making. he throws his button-up on over his shirt, letting it hang open, and trades his shorts for shiratorizawa’s standard slacks, knowing it was only bound to get colder.

tendou is waiting for him when he leaves, sitting easy on a bicycle, legs splayed on the ground on either side of the front wheel. he looks up and his smile grows when he sees eita. “all ready?”

“there’s not a stand on the back,” eita notes, hesitance growing as he approaches. “how are we doing this?”

“pegs!” tendou kicks back at one and eita nearly rolls his eyes to the back of his skull.

“that’s one solution, i guess,” he mutters as he climbs up, placing his hands on tendou’s shoulders for balance. tendou hums and kicks off, and eita hopes his biking skills aren’t as wild as the rest of him.

surprisingly, there are no incidents. eita is deposited on his doorstep in good care, and he waves at tendou until he can’t make him out anymore before going inside.

-

eita is cooling off in the shade from a day’s worth of events when tendou finally manages to find him and inform him of their latest plight.

“what?” his face scrunches up. “yamagata’s sick? is he skipping? how does that even happen?”

“yama just has the worst luck like that,” tendou whines, stomping his foot. “waka went to find us a replacement, but as far as i know he’s only planning to ask reon, and he’s already on a team with the other volleyball second-years. we might be outta luck here.”

eita shrugs, not really that disappointed by it, even as tendou resumes his whining. eventually he lets tendou pull him to his feet, and they re-join the festivities.

“oh, but i did enter you in the 50 meter,” tendou says, the only part of his never-ending rant that eita tunes in to listen to, and it has him braking, so that tendou is forced to pause when he refuses to release eita’s arm.

“what?”

“the race?” tendou frowns. “you have to race, eita. especially since the relay is off. i know it’s not far, but c’mon, running is your thing. you’ll love it.”

“i wish you would’ve asked before doing it,” eita mutters, still refusing to budge.

“aw, c’mon semisemi, do it for yama! think at how miserable he is, missing out on all this.”

“yeah, whatever, i’ll do it.” he looks down at his sneakers. “but i need my shoes if i’m doing this for real.”

tendou perks back up. “then let’s go!”

eita raises a brow. “to the other side of the school? ha ha, tendou. very funny.”

“if we’re careful we can go and be back before anyone notices.”

“and since when are you careful or tactful about anything?”

tendou winks. “you’d be surprised. plus, i have a fallback card. and if you’re with me, it applies to you too.”

“yeah?” he crosses his arms. “let’s hear it, then.”

“student council perks mean i can run around the school without anyone batting an eye. if someone asks i’ll make up an excuse.”

oh. that actually was a good point.

his thought must show on his face, because tendou grins, and he knows he’s yielded the argument with no further conversation necessary.

“this room is nice,” tendou notes, looking around as eita jerks his duffel from his cubby.

“‘s fine.” eita gives up on subtlety and kicks his sneakers off, then sits down on the ground to wrestle his socks off. he’d come grab them before practice.

he’s stretching several minutes before the all-out race was due to start when tendou asks the question he’d been pondering in the clubroom.

“hey, semisemi, so yama showed me this magazine article the other day, and it said all the pro trackletes never wear socks. so what about you? you switched from the school-issued ones, but the half-size you have on now are still a layer between you and the shoes.”

eita pauses, bent forward. “please never say trackletes again,” he says absently, gears turning in his mind as he looks down at his feet.

while tendou is blubbering about something he could care less about, eita rips one shoe off then pries the sock from his foot and wiggles his free toes. his gaze moves between them and the shoe. “i’ve never thought about that,” he admits, and tendou stops talking.

“the article said for some it was for comfort, that others could feel the ground better underfoot, or their shoe fit tighter without the added layer,” tendou adds slowly, watching as eita unties the laces and slips the shoe back on, barefoot.

he doesn’t quite frown, but his lips twist, once his foot is all the way in. he pulls on the laces a little, shifts his foot around. then he pulls tighter and ties a single knot, and stands.

“it’s weird,” he mumbles. “but not bad. it’s-” he sits back down and slips his other shoe off to repeat the process, and tendou hangs back and watches until he’s back on his feet, rocking back and forth on his heels.

“yeah, okay,” he starts, and then there’s a call for the race participants, and he bends down to pick up his socks and press them into tendou’s hands. “hold onto these for me.”

“what?” tendou cries. “you’re giving me-! semi!”

“hey, this was your idea!” eita calls, already heading off, bouncing every other step.

it’s not an all-out race, because there’s only so much space, so eita is delegated to waiting a while. he walks around in his shoes for a spell, getting used to the feeling.

50 meters was nothing. a perfect test, really.

and like that, the competition had, for eita, turned into an experiment.

-

“that didn’t feel too bad,” eita admits as he stuffs his socks in the pocket of his shorts. tendou cries out when he sees this.

“you could’ve done that from the beginning!”

eita shrugs. “consider it payback for entering me without permission.”

“yeah, whatever.” tendou slouches. “have fun at practice. i’ll be here, cleaning up.”

eita knocks at his shoulder. “thanks for the suggestion.”

“don’t get any blisters.”

“i’ll be careful.”

-

the first open track meet for miyagi prefecture is almost three weeks since eita started running sockless, and ten minutes to go to his event, he’s panicking.

a rewind is necessary, so in simple terms, this is what happened to cause the needless panic.

eita stretches. it’s hot. he pulls on his shoes, doing the laces up tight, but after a lap around the perimeter of the infield, his feet feel clammy, and in particular, his left shoe is loose. not enough to come off, not by far, but enough to where it matters, to where it’s an unnecessary distraction.

eita sits back down and undoes the knot, then pulls excessively tight on the laces to lock his foot into place.

and they snap.

-

“it’s over,” eita groans, lying with his hands over his face and his eyes closed to the harsh sunlight overhead. not that it mattered, because the combined shadows of mii and reo crouching over him blocked it out. they both share a look.

“yeah, that sucks,” reo starts, but he’s cut off abruptly -eita suspects it’s because of mii, mostly because he’s been on the end of her sharp elbows before.

“you still have time.” mii hums, pulling out her phone. “i wonder if concessions sells any as trinkets. would be worth a shot.” her voice trails off as she moves away, raising her phone to her ear. reo crouches down near eita’s head.

“you need new shoes?” he ponders. “maybe they’re too stretched out.”

“i can think about that after the meet is over,” eita mutters, removing his hands from his face. he opens his eyes to half-mast. “where did mii-san go? i don’t want to wallow anymore. she’s good at snapping people out of it.”

“well, sorry for not being good enough emotional support. she’s-”

“hey, semi, get up.” mii kicks at his foot -specifically, at the shoe with the broken laces. “i called satori. he’s at the edge of the field.”

“tendou?” eita mutters, leaning up on his elbows. “what’s he gonna do?”

“didn’t say. but you have five minutes, so i’d just go along with it.”

“maybe he’ll put me out of my misery,” eita sighs, leaning his head back and letting the rest of him go slack.

“four minutes and counting,” reo sings, and that’s enough to drive him to a stand, stumbling in the direction mii points to.

tendou is indeed waiting, just on the other side of the small fence separating the turf from the rest. when eita reaches him he immediately jumps it with zero regards to his inability to be there, then pulls eita down to the ground so they’re both out of the way.

“give me your shoe,” he demands, and eita tugs it off and tosses it over. with deft fingers, tendou removes the bright laces, mapping the path at he tugs them loose. then he pulls an old pair of white ones out and starts lacing them in the same pattern.

eita’s brow creases as he watches. “that was fast. how did you get spares out here?”

“they’re mine,” tendou says. “as in, from my kicks, now,” he elaborates, and eita blanches, looking down to tendou’s left shoe that was indeed laceless.

“what? why would you do that?” he sputters.

“you don’t have any time.” tendou shrugs. “you can give them back after your race, alright? here, i’m done.” he hands the shoe back and eita numbly slips it back on, doing the laces up tight until everything is snug.

“thank you,” eita mumbles, nearly at a loss for words. tendou helps him to his feet and claps him on the shoulder.

“if you don’t win with my laces, i might have to fine you,” he jokes. eita rolls his eyes, the numb spell officially broken as he shakes off tendou’s hand.

maybe he’s still frazzled, or maybe he’s not quite used to the new style just yet, because eita’s time is less-than-impressive, for his standards. he clocks in at just under seven seconds, which is more than enough to place him at first, but there’s a lack of self satisfaction from it.

“time for new shoes,” one of the assistant coaches suggests, when he tries to explain this. “shame about the laces. i don’t think you’ve gotten slower with no socks, so if you like it, keep doing it. you’ve got one month until the qualifier, so there’s time to figure out what you do and don’t like.”

that was pretty solid advice, actually. another of the short-distance coaches makes a note about modifying his regimen if he had to break in new shoes, and it leaves eita strangely touched.

he finds tendou nearly in the same spot he’d left him in, back on the correct side of the fence but leaned so far over it that it almost didn’t matter. he grins as he catches eita’s eye, and eita knows that this time, he’d caught his event as it happened.

this time it’s eita that climbs over to settle on the concrete on the other side of the barrier. tendou slides down until he’s sat beside eita, accepting his laces back when they’re finally pulled free. he’s doing them up in his own shoe again when he finally bothers to speak.

“wanna go shopping for more?”

“you seem like the last person i should go get shoelaces with,” eita say before he can help himself. tendou throws back his head and laughs.

“why not? we could get some cool ones. like in neon colors, or stripes, or words, or-”

eita breathes out in annoyance and tendou breaks off as he catches the tail-end of a mock-deadpan expression that conveys this was the exact reason he was hesitant to take tendou along. then he’s turning the other way to hide a smile, a brief upturn of the corners of his lips, and tendou reaches out to jab him in the side, causing eita to squeak.

“wanna go later?” tendou offers. “not like you’re tired or anything. you only have one race, right?”

eita shakes his head. “yeah, but. tomorrow. tomorrow,” he promises, and tendou settles back.

“no backing out now, semisemi.”

“don’t make me regret this.”

-

there’s no school the next day, so eita and tendou meet up at the shopping district in the early afternoon. the first sporting goods store they wander into is small, and it doesn’t take long for them to be the only ones occupying the space.

eita pulls off four boxes from the shelves from the same brand as his current track shoes and drops them to the floor next to a bench. tendou leans over and pries the tip of one of the lids up, whistling when he sees the style.

unfortunately, the pair he really liked end up being one of two eita near immediately nix as he removes them from the box, not even bothering to try them on as he finds faults with closer examination that he couldn’t live with.

“shut up, tendou!” he snaps as the other’s whining becomes intolerable. “i practically have to live in these shoes! they need to be perfect, or as close as possible.”

eventually it gets to the point where eita wonders why he’d invited tendou in the first place, and banishes the other to another section of the store. that only meant he’d have to deal with having replacement shoelaces forced onto him later, but he was willing if it meant getting through this part quietly.

he puts one shoe from the remaining pairs on each foot and gently kicks the ground with his heel. it felt weird to try on shoes without socks, but if he was going to be wearing them like this anyway, it was the only good way to test them out.

after walking around some eita finds a frown forming on his face. there was only one thing he needed to see about, and he couldn’t-

wait.

“hey, tendou,” he calls, and after a moment, the redhead appears from behind a shelf, expression suggesting he was still sulking. “are we still the only customers?”

“yeah. staff is in the back, too, so-” he breaks off, blinking, and then grins. “what are you planning?”

“i need a straight shot,” he confesses. “twenty meters or so.”

“if you’re at the back wall you could run down the center aisle.” tendou rocks back on his heels, thinking. “you should hit twenty before the door. let me see if anything’s in the way.”

technically there weren’t any other customers to disturb, but eita is silently grateful none of the staff was around to catch them, knowing it would be something they’d disapprove of.

with tendou’s help they clear a path and eita leans one foot against the back wall, eyeing the distance. the store wasn’t big, but he’d brake well before the door.

he crouches down, lets his fingers run over the smooth flooring.

then he rockets off, near full speed, and his teeth are clenched by the time he’s stopped. tendou moves forward, humming in approval.

“that’s not a good sign,” he says, as eita tugs the left shoe off.

“no, it is. it’s this one.” he vaguely points to the shoe on his right foot. “this one’s good.”

“as close to perfect as possible,” tendou quotes, nodding. he trails eita as he wanders back to retrieve the box, and the other shoe to the pair. “except the laces are white, so you need better ones.”

eita rolls his eyes, but he’s still in front of tendou, so it’s purely for his own satisfaction. “they are a little short,” he mentions, and that’s enough to have tendou running off again.

in the end he ends up with the shoes, a lavender pair of laces (“because school colors, semisemi!” tendou had insisted) and a black pair of spares. he’s smiling when they exit the store, and tendou notices, nudging him with his shoulder.

“well that was fun!”

“nope,” eita argues, but there’s no heat to it, and he’s still smiling, so tendou reads it as a joke right away.

-

before the end of the month, eita is coerced into seeing a volleyball game. he has better things to do -like break in the shoes- and doesn’t really know anything about volleyball -and would rather break in the shoes- and wants to focus on other things -like the sho

but tendou tells him he could run to school and back home, and that’s enough to make eita show up at the gymnasium that evening, looking a little lost among the teems of people that had showed up for a mere practice match.

“no one has anything better to do,” tendou tells him, leading him over to a few free spaces in the stands. eita recognizes oohira from 2-B when he turns to address tendou, having heard the remark.

“it’s pre-exam jitters. people will take any chance they get to focus on something that isn’t academic related.” he nods to eita from tendou’s other side. “hey, semi.”

eita nods back, gaze falling to the court. “ushijima-san. is he any good?”

oohira coughs, trying to be polite, but tendou has no problem in throwing his head back and cackling, and eita leans away, frowning as he realizes he’s asked a stupid question.

“waka’s on another level,” tendou tells him, once he’s calmed down. “well, all of our sports teams are top-tier, and volleyball is no exception. just watch. you’ll see.”

eita sees.

shiratorizawa destroys their opponent in the first set 25-14. ushijima ends it with a spike into the court so hard eita feels his teeth chatter. if anyone had gone for that, their arms would’ve come off, for sure.

they’re switching sides for the second set when a shuffling occurs further down the stands, and suddenly oohira is being pushed over, causing tendou to suddenly very much be in eita’s space. “what-”

“sorry i’m late,” the newcomer says, peeking out from behind oohira’s bulk. “i couldn’t find my phone.”

“yama!” tendou exclaims. “it’s about time!”

“you always have the same excuse,” oohira notes.

“because it’s true,” yamagata protests. “it keeps happening to me! i must’ve rolled some bad luck at new years, because this didn’t happen at all last year.”

“he’s very forgetful, semisemi,” tendou turns to tell him, holding one hand over the side of his mouth.

yamagata perks up as he catches the words. “semi’s here?” he leans more around oohira.

“oh, right! you two don’t really know each other, huh?” tendou slings an arm around eita, ignoring his grunt of protest. “yama, this is semi eita! semi, this is yamagata. you’re in the same club. if you bothered to show up more than twice a week you might’ve had-” he breaks off to gasp “-a real conversation before all this!”

“it’s not like i’m skipping,” eita protests, brows furrowed. he waves distractedly to yamagata, who returns it after shaking a look with oohira. “i just get more done by myself.”

“that sounds like a motto you shouldn’t strive for,” tendou points out, and eita finally escapes from his hold as the whistle to start the second set sounds.

yamagata snorts. “well, semi’s leagues better than the rest of us. the coaches are practically fast-tracking him for the all-youth.”

eita blinks, attention ripped from the match, and he has to physically turn his head to look down toward yamagata. “what?”

yamagata glances over, sees eita’s expression, and then turns to him properly. “yeah, the under-eighteen reps? wakatoshi’s one of them too.”

“they’ve said that?” eita asks, a little stunned.

he shrugs. “no, but it’s implied. they’re helping you with individual training. it’s like singling you out of the group. no one on the team can deny that you’d be the one deserving of special attention. i mean, did you see your time at the practice meet? impressive doesn’t cut it.”

“you’re over-exaggerating,” eita mumbles, barely audible over the roar of the crowd as shiratorizawa earns another point.

“they could be prepping you for worlds,” yamagata muses. “never can tell what coach is thinking.”

“wait wait wait.” tendou throws his hands in the air. “you’re telling me semi is potentially qualified to compete internationally?”

yamagata shrugs, and there’s a pointed look in his eye. “you tell me. you saw him run last time.”

“i still think that’s a bit much,” eita protests.

“you wouldn’t want to?” yamagata smiles, and though it’s more along the lines of a leer, it’s sincere, too. “if they give you the chance, you should take it, semi. you’re good enough. everyone on the team knows that.”

those words stay with him through the rest of the match, and on his run home. everyone on the team. it wasn’t said with any sort of malice. and before, when he had talked about eita getting special attention, there wasn’t any jealousy coloring the words. the consensus was that eita was amazing, incredible, even, and everyone on the team respected that.

but he hadn’t thought. well. about that before. he knew he liked running. he knew he was good at it. but he’d never thought about competing outside the nationwide school system. much less globally. he’d never even considered it before.

and now that the seed is planted, he can’t deny that if he was given the chance, he’d probably take it.

that’s why he leaves early, just after the practice match ends in shiratorizawa’s victory. tendou is high off the win and anxious to tell ushijima so, but he stays back to see eita off, recognizing there was a lot on his mind and he wasn’t going to stick around.

“it wasn’t a complete waste of time,” eita ends up saying, and tendou sputters.

“just admit you had fun!”

“yeah, fine.” eita sighs, then smiles. “it was fun. thanks for inviting me. i’ll see you around.”

he leaves fully invested in internal thoughts, so tendou’s sudden blush goes completely unnoticed. well, to him.

“dude,” yamagata says, coming up behind tendou. he pokes tendou’s arm, making sure his friend is still alive. “you got it bad.”

if anything, tendou blushes harder, spinning on his heel to glare down at yamagata. “SHUT-

-

practice today is one of those longer exercises that cover the entire team, and they’re free to leave after they finish. after dismissing everyone to get to it, one of the mid-distance coaches calls out to eita, stopping him before he can begin.

“how are the shoes?” he asks, and eita is a bit taken aback. “are they broken in?”

“for the most part,” he answers after a moment.

“well, take it at your own pace, then. wouldn’t want you getting blisters. it’s been pretty hot lately. usually when you stop running with socks one of the main things you look out for is making sure your feet stay dry. are those breathable enough?”

eita looks down at his shoes, then curves them in, feeling around. “they’re good. i’ve been washing them, too, but not too much. i’m worried they’ll lose shape.”

“start putting in powder and you’ll get away with washing less.” eita’s face screws up and he takes this into account. “not a lot. not enough to lose grip. just a little here and there. i have some in my bag if you ever want to try it out.”

“yeah, thanks.”

he notices, now. has ever since the volleyball match. the coaches do their best to accommodate him when he shows up for practice. they care about everyone, of course. he wouldn’t know for sure unless he hung around more, but he’s almost positive they looked out for all the athletes under their care. made sure they were doing well. checked in when they weren’t.

and yet, it’s different. when they give everyone the same set of exercises but tell eita he can change his to a certain extent, yeah, it’s noticeable. it’s not uncomfortable. he doesn’t mind. just merely an observation, one that makes yamagata’s words take root, that makes the gears in his mind start turning, start hoping.

maybe if i make a good impression at nationals again, it’ll open up more doors.

“no,” he mutters later, as he’s running. “i’m going to win nationals. that’ll open up more doors than i’ll know what to do with.”

“you’ve got some high ambitions.”

eita perks up, turning his head to see kawanishi taichi suddenly keeping stride with him. he slows a little to make it easier for the first-year, but it’s apparently unwelcome, because taichi’s lips twist into a light frown.

“you heard that,” eita states. taichi looks at him funny and eita rolls his eyes. “yeah, guess i was talking aloud. i don’t know. i think nationals last year in fukui has been the only real competition i’ve had since i came here.”

“that sounds depressing,” taichi answers, deadpan. eita snorts before he can catch himself, and slowly, taichi’s lips quirk up in response.

“and you?” eita asks, suddenly curious. “you’re the track star of your grade. what do you think of everything so far?”

taichi takes a minute to answer, but it’s worth it, because eita likes his response. the change to a mid-distance event. the challenge. being encouraged to push himself. having upperclassman around willing to help him where he needs it.

“i like it here,” he finishes.

“yeah,” eita echoes. “me too.”

“do you?” taichi shrugs when eita turns to look at him questioningly. “you just said there’s no real challenge. and you’re never here. i mean, you are, you are right now, but not a lot. not as much as you could be, if being around a support system was something you really cared about.”

“i think,” eita starts, after mulling it over, “that i like to do things my own way, and that takes priority. being here hasn’t changed that. but the experiences i’ve had with the team have changed things. changed me. everyone motivates me to do better, to be better. better at, like, normal things, not just running. i like shiratorizawa because everyone is at the top of their game, and yet everyone stays humble. like you. you’re amazing at your field event, and yet you’re trying a track event to experiment, even if it means getting lower results than you’re used to. you didn’t mention high jump at all when you talked about why you liked this place.

“so that’s why, even here in miyagi, every meet i’m so excited i can’t hardly stand it. i’m pushed to improve myself. even if it’s only me versus the clock, i still have so much fun. it’s supposed to be fun, in the end, right?” he smiles. “i’m glad i came to a school that makes running fun.”

taichi is quiet, but he still keeps pace with eita. it’s not until they’re almost done that he speaks again, expressing his desire for eita to see him compete again.

eita laughs, admiring his determination. “i said i would, right? if-”

“no,” taichi interrupts. “the mid-distance one. i wasn’t sure, before, because i’m still not nearly as good as i want to be. but.” he bites down on his lip. “but, after hearing all that, i realize it doesn’t really matter. i’m not going to be amazing right out of the gate, and i don’t care. i still want you to see me run.”

“then it’s a promise.” taichi looks over and eita smiles. “at the qualifier. work hard until then.”

-

tendou and yamagata exchange looks as eita rehashes his conversation with taichi the day before.

then yamagata’s look turns into a leer that tendou rolls his eyes at.

“semisemi, i’m not sure i’d call that admiration,” tendou says.

“huh?” eita looks up from his lunch, brows creased. “then what is it?”

“it’s-” yamagata is cut off with an elbow to his stomach, wheezing, and tendou takes control of the conversation again.

“don’t worry about it. kawanishi-kun will mention it when he wants to.”

eita hums, but doesn’t probe for further explanation.

-

exams come and go, but even as summer rears its head full-force, eita still finds himself venturing out to school.

it would still be a few days until regular practice resumed, so the only reason he had for being here was one tendou satori.

“waka’s family live on the outskirts of the city,” he explains to eita one afternoon, when they’re sprawled in the shade of one of the big trees in the front courtyard. he spreads his arms in the air. “big place. he’ll come back for volleyball, but being home is more important to his folks, so he makes a point to divide his time.

“yama’s mom lives alone with his younger sisters, so he goes home during breaks to help out. i think the girls would cry if their big brother decided not to come, so it’s always been an easy choice for him.

and my parents aren’t in miyagi, so it’s either i make the long haul home, or choose the easy option and stay here.” his nose wrinkles in quiet distaste. “i’d rather be alone here all summer than go back to that house.”

eita doesn’t know what all to think of that, but he doesn’t ask, either, not wanting to bother tendou. he seemed on the verge of being upset. better to not make it worse.

“well, i’m here.” he lolls his head to the side to stare at tendou. “i’ve got nothing going on. my parents are chill. if you get tired of campus you can stay over.”

tendou turns his head to look back. “and if i don’t?”

“i can keep coming back, just like this.” eita’s fingers twitch, ruffling the grass. he doesn’t move them further. “whenever you want.”

tendou grins. “that’s a dangerous game to play, semisemi.”

“well, i mean, if it’s absurd enough i can always say no.”

“damn. here’s me thinking sneaking you onto campus at four in the morning would be pretty awesome.”

“yeah, you’ll have to try something else. you wake me up in the middle of the night and i’ll have to contemplate killing you.”

“scary.”

“normal.”

“i’m telling you, that’s not a normal response.”

“and what would you know about normal?”

“hey.” tendou kicks out, landing a blow under eita’s knee, and he winces. in the next moment he’s kicking back, hard enough to bruise, and all tendou does is flop from his back onto his side, facing him, and start laughing.

“you said you had something to try,” tendou says later, when they’ve both calmed down.

“yeah. i’m thinking about putting spikes in,” eita admits.

“your shoes?” tendou sits up halfway, leaning on an elbow. “like yama has? the ones for better traction?”

“i got some at the start of first term,” eita mumbles, nodding. “really good ones. i’ve been debating using them. lots of people want me to try, so i think it’d be good to indulge them if they think i’ll like it. but at the same time . . i don’t know. i’m worried, i guess. about the change. being elevated like that, even if it’s less than a centimeter from the track -it makes me nervous. i like to be able to feel myself push off at every step. having spikes in means i’ll be sacrificing some of that.”

“you can always take them out,” tendou notes. “if you don’t like them.” he sits up fully. “let’s go now! no one’s on the track, so it’s perfect. the spikes are in your clubroom, right?” eita nods. “and you have the key, right?” another nod. tendou grins and pulls himself to his feet, then offers a hand to eita to do the same.

eita lets himself be hoisted up, and then tendou is physically dragging him across campus, until they’re in front of a battered door and eita is wrestling the key into the lock in his sudden excitement.

it takes a minute to put all the spikes in. they do it in the clubroom, even with the lack of air conditioning, because it meant being out of the hot sun for a bit. eita leaves barefoot when he’s ready, shoes swinging from one hand, and takes tendou out onto the track, climbing up the fence and then over the hill.

“no one is around to care,” eita says, as he sits down to throw the shoes on. “besides, even if they do, it’ll hurt your reputation more than mine.”

tendou places a hand over his heart. “ouch, semisemi.”

walking is weird, with the spikes, but walking wasn’t really the point. eita locks his knees and bends down to touch his toes, feeling the strain in his legs. “damn,” he mutters, realizing he wasn’t going to get away with not stretching properly. he kicks the shoes off and flops down on the track’s perimeter, bringing the bottom of his feet together and pressing down on his knees with his elbows. “give me a minute,” he throws over his shoulder.

but tendou isn’t there. it takes a second to realize he’s re-settled in front of eita, and even then, he’s still shocked when tendou reaches forward to grab his leg at the bend of his knee, pulling until it straightened out.

“lean back, semisemi,” tendou murmurs, moving his foot into the air. “i used to do this for waka all the time.”

eita doesn’t know what compels him, but he obeys, lying back on the grass. tendou rises to his knees and pushes eita’s leg until it’s in a deep stretch towards his chest. he tugs eita’s toes down and the entire leg twitches with the added effort.

tendou does his other leg after a spell, the exact same and then a couple extra, and then unceremoniously drops both legs to the ground. eita huffs in surprise as they land, and his eyes pop open. it’s not long until he’s glaring at tendou, even with their angle awkward for eye contact.

this time, when eita settles onto the track, he moves into a low start position. “count me off,” he mutters, and tendou moves to rest in the next lane, nodding.

“three.”

just to the forty. he could see the mark.

“two.”

or maybe the full 100, who was he kidding.

“one.”

actually, if this was a true test, shouldn’t he just go as far as possible? get a feel for it?

“go!”

eita is near the 80m mark before he slows, blinking down at the shoes. he jogs back over.

“well?” when he looks up tendou is bent forward, eager. “how was it?”

“dragging.” eita purses his lips. “it felt like i was digging into the track. but instead of being able to push off easier, it felt like i was getting stuck.”

“you probably have to get used to them.”

“i know. i just don’t like adjusting. i just like things to be good, y’know?”

“i hear ya.” tendou leans his chin against an open palm. “try again. this time go all the way down, then run back.”

they pass the better part of the afternoon like that, indulging eita’s whims. not that tendou seemed to mind. he even takes eita home, as they both realize the only pair of shoes he’d worn out now weren’t suitable to walk around the streets in. eita’s mom is certainly surprised, when she opens the door to find her son barefoot. she waves to tendou just before he leaves again.

“that was nice of him,” she mentions, while eita drops his track shoes in the entryway and explains away his earlier plight. when he stands again it’s in house slippers. “you have a good friend, eita.”

friend. eita wonders when exactly that had happened.

[ruzek-halstead]

dead of night

pairing: luke patterson x julie molina

written based on prompt:

"it’s three am, in the dead of winter, some idiot pulled/set off the fire alarm and i am being very vocal about how i’m gonna make that dumbass pay"

university au

masterlist || ao3 || twitter profiles

       When Julie heard the blaring alarm blasting throughout the room, she nearly cried.

It was midterm season, and she had been up late until two a.m. cramming for her exam later that day. She wasn't one to normally rely on cramming as her sole source of studying, but she had a paper due the previous day and another midterm the day before. She could only focus on one thing at a time. It pained her though, because Julie was a meticulous planner. She liked to have everything written down on a calendar and lay out a set number of dedicated time she would have to work on each assignment.

Nothing went as planned this time.

She had finally dragged herself to bed at around 2:15 a.m., with a set alarm for early in the morning to go over her notes some more. She never actually woke up on time for these said alarms, but it was the effort that counted. At least, that's what she constantly told herself.

It felt like she had only been asleep for all of twenty minutes when she was suddenly being ripped away from her REM sleep, and she was ready to kill someone.

"What the hell?" Julie hissed, throwing her duvet off her body violently. She could see her roommate Flynn (and best friend - they'd known each other since diapers) pulling on her shoes. Julie checked her phone from the bedside table and noted the time was now 3:26 a.m. She'd hardly been asleep for an hour.

Flynn opened their room door and was met with a number of their fellow students moving rapidly throughout the hallway. "Oh shit," she muttered, turning back to Julie. "Jules, get your ass out here. I'm not sure this is a drill."

Julie let out a loud groan, threw on her pair of black converse and booked it out the door after Flynn. She didn't even have time to grab a sweater like Flynn did, and only realized when she was halfway out the building, she was wearing a NYU short sleeve t-shirt and a pair of thin leggings.

"Someone better be on fire," she growled under her breath. She and Flynn were huddled together off to the side, trying not to freeze their asses off. New York was known for their particularly cold winters; it was mid-November, and this was no exception. The ground was littered with a light dusting of snow, and every time Julie breathed, she could see her breath.

She had never felt the urge to commit a felony such as murder until this moment.

Julie was so angry, she didn't notice the cluster of students hanging off to their right. She only noticed when she picked up on something particularly interesting one of them said.

"For the love of god, Luke!" The tall, blonde one yelled (Julie thought he was trying to whisper, but he obviously failed miserably). He also hit the shaggy-haired brunette (she assumed that was Luke) upside the head. "Dude, you set off the fire alarm! Our whole residence is outside in the snow!"

Julie's eyes widened and her grip on Flynn's arm tightened. Flynn groaned, absentmindedly shrinking closer to the ground.

"Alex's right. That guy's not even wearing pants!" The other brunette piped in, pointedly avoiding looking at the student in question. All three boys were dressed appropriately; pants, sweaters and beanies. Almost as if this was planned or something.

It only made Julie's blood boil even hotter.

Luke rolled his eyes, latching onto the third boys' shoulder. "Relax, Reggie. It was an accident."

"They're going to eat you alive if they find out," Alex added sassily. "I'll help them. You screwed up my beauty sleep, bro."

Luke snorted. "What beauty sleep?"

"Don't test me right now!" Alex snapped. "You know what this dry cold does to my skin!"

Luke nodded with a pout, seemingly sympathetic. "Stop being such a baby and live a little! This is sort of hilarious."

Reggie bit his lip and averted his eyes from Alex, who looked like he was about to rip his own hair out. "Dude, I'm going to strangle you if you don't stop talking."

"Oh my god," Julie hissed at Flynn. "Are you hearing this? These idiots did this because they're idiots! What the hell?"

Flynn chanced a look behind them, surveying the three boys. "Hmm, they're kind of cute," she said without thinking. Julie was quick to throw her murderous glare in her direction. "Wait no — that came out wrong..."

"I'm going to kill him."

Flynn had to grab Julie's arm and yank her back.

"Julie! I don't have the money to bail you out of jail right now! Don't do me like this!"

Julie huffed. "I have to say something. I have an exam later and I should be sleeping!"

"Just no felonies, okay?" Flynn pleaded with puppy dog eyes. Julie conceded with a nod.

Whirling around, Julie marched up to 'Luke' and tapped him on the shoulder. He whirled around and the smile he was sporting dropped from his lips; now he just looked confused. "Uh — can I help you?"

"Probably not," she started bitterly, "but I just happened to overhear that you're the idiot who pulled the fire alarm and I would genuinely like to know what in the hell would possess you to do such a thing on a fucking Tuesday during midterms?"

Julie was now yelling and Luke looked like a terrified deer in headlights.

His friends were holding onto each other with wide eyes.

"Uh — well —" He stammered on embarrassingly.

"Some of us have shit to do! I have a midterm in a few hours and instead of sleeping, I'm stuck out here with you and believe me, I'm trying really hard not to punch you in the throat right now."

Luke blinked, his mouth opening and closing because he didn't know what he could possibly say to make this situation better.

Alex did, however.

"Do it," Alex blurted, "punch him!"

Luke whirled around, looking affronted. "Dude!"

"Don't 'dude' me," Alex sassed. "You deserve it."

Luke turned back to face Julie with a newly apologetic expression as he tried to explain himself. "Listen," he started and by the furious look on her face, he could already tell it was the wrong thing to say. "Shit, I'm sorry! I just — I swear, this was all a misunderstanding. I really didn't mean to do it; it just happened."

"Buddy," Reggie leaned in to whisper in his ear. "This doesn't sound nearly as good as you think it does."

Luke rolled his eyes, pushing his friend back into Alex. "I'm sorry; what can I do to make this better?" For the first time since she started yelling at him, he actually looked at her.

She looked absolutely exhausted and it only made Luke feel guiltier. Her hair was up in a messy bun and her glasses were low on the bridge of her nose. He took note of her outfit and the thin t-shirt; she was obviously freezing and the goosebumps on her arms proved that. Immediately, he shrugged out of his hoodie.

"Um — here, take this," he shoved his NYU hoodie in her direction. She looked down at with furrowed brows, and then back at him. Her glare was still in full force, and Luke admired her ability to look so angry, but so adorable at the same time. "It's the least I can do."

Julie looked down at the sweater again, scoffed in annoyance and walked away.

Flynn was holding back a laugh as she made eye contact with Luke. He looked exasperated as he hobbled after Julie.

"Wait! Just — hold on a second!"

Julie didn't feel like stopping for him and her angry speed-walking was finally sending some blood back into her arms. When Luke grabbed her arm to spin her around, she turned to him with a ferocious glare. "Shit — okay, sorry," he dropped her arm sheepishly, "should've asked. I'm sorry. I just — please, take this."

Once again, he offered her his grey hoodie.

She really wanted to stand her ground and make a point. But she was genuinely freezing, and her pride could only control so much. With a sigh, she grabbed the hoodie and slipped it over her head. It fit baggy, but it was so warm and her eyes nearly rolled into the back of her head. She didn't even notice that this now left Luke in a measly t-shirt.

"Again, I'm really sorry," he apologized again, biting his lip. "You have a midterm later today and this was so stupid of me."

Julie took a deep breath; she felt calmer now. Probably because she had already yelled at him, and she was tired and she didn't have the energy to stay annoyed for much longer. Plus, he had already apologized like six times.

"It's fine. I may have overreacted a little bit."

Luke chuckled nervously. "No, you definitely didn't. I've always been told I'm a little — uh, reckless."

"And I guess I've been told I'm a bit uptight," she admitted. Julie had no idea why she was being so honest with a guy who's head she bit off five minutes ago; but he had really beautiful eyes, like puppy dog eyes and she couldn't help but get sucked in. "I'm Julie, by the way."

"Yeah?" He was suddenly hyper aware of how gorgeous she was and for the first time, she wasn't glaring at him. Holy shit, was she making googly eyes at him? "I mean — we can always treat that. I happen to know a few rascally boys that can help."

Julie let out a gentle laugh. God, this night really got away from her. She could see the firefighters start to exit the building, seemingly finding no sign of a fire and any other issue. "I think I'm hardwired like that, unfortunately."

The students around them slowly started filing back into the building and Luke realized he only had a few minutes left. "Um, well — again, I'm sorry. And I hope your midterm goes well." He originally intended to ask for her number, but of course, that's what came out instead.

"Thanks," she replied softly, thumbing at the sleeves of his sweater. "I can wash this sweater and get it back to you."

Julie gave him an opening and he knew it.

"Of course. Is it alright if we exchange numbers?"

Julie was surprised at the warmth that immediately spread through her chest. She could also feel the smile stretching across her lips through no effort of her own. "Yeah, that'd be great," she responded, "as long you promise not to wake me up at an ungodly time of the morning."

"No?" Luke raised an eyebrow, shooting her a smirk. He could see the fire in Julie's eyes and he knew the feeling was mutual. "But I thought that was our thing."

"If that's the case, our thing will also be me punching you in the throat."

x

i wanted to make julie sassier and make luke work for it a bit more but i got tired and i really wanted to post this asap so i kinda wrapped it up early. i hope it still ended okay???

[finnofamerica]

A Touch in The Dark - James Potter x Reader

Summary: James thought he was hung up on Lily, but when a Slytherin girl steps into his life he realizes something shocking. 

Word Count: 3198

Date: 9.30.2019

Requested by Anonymous

|| Masterlist || 

You were ripped out of the fantastical realm of your novel as a knock resonated from your front door, muffled voices accompanying it. You were tempted to just ignore it and hope that whoever it was would go away. 

“Y/n!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” The voice yelled, “I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE!!! I SAW YOUR LIGHT ON!!” 

You pouted and groaned, finally leaving your comfortable spot on the couch, shivering as your bare toes touched the cold hardwood. 

“Marlene?” You scrunched your brow in confusion, “What’re you doing? Hey Lily.” 

“Can we camp in your yard?” Marlene asked. 

“Why?” 

“Because your yard is the safest!!! We’ll camp just inside the treeline so that way we’ll be close to the house, but not disruptive!” She bounced. It was nearly eleven at night, but the sun was setting later with it being mid-July. Despite the lateness of the evening, the sun still hovered just below the horizon, casting a dim orange glow over the little hills around your house and on the trees behind you. 

“How long?” You scratched your arm, nervously. You had the house to yourself because your parents left for a month-long anniversary “honeymoon.” Having the house was nice, but you hated not having any company. 

“I don’t know, we were thinking about the rest of the summer. I mean it’s not that long and we got permission from our parents, and there’s a campground in those woods but we y’know, living cheap, we could sneak through and set up camp.” Marlene explained. 

“What about your parent’s Y/n?” Lily asked, giving you an easy smile, “You’re welcome to join us.” 

“Ahh,” You shuffled, “They’re away on honeymoon.” 

“They just got married?” 

“No, uh, they just wanted to do something special for their 25th anniversary.” 

“Oh, that’s so nice!” 

“So can we sneak through your back yard?” Marlene asked. 

“I suppose so,” You shrugged, “I’m certain you would regardless of permission.” 

“You’re the best Y/n/n.” She cheered and turned to Lily, “Tell the boys to get the stuff.” 

“Excuse me, the boys?” You furrowed your brows. 

“Oh yeah, James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus here too.” 

You opened and closed your mouth like a fish, struggling to find words. Being a Slytherin, you got a lot of judgment from the other houses, the Marauders especially. Though they never directed it at you specifically, it was still hurtful to hear what they really thought of your house. You weren’t nasty like some Slytherin’s were, they gave the house a bad name leaving most Slytherin's the choice of becoming what they already thought you were or alienated because you aren’t. 

Slytherin isn’t about being nasty or discriminatory, though plenty of wizards and witches in your house made it seem that way. Slytherin was about knowing what you wanted and doing everything in your power to get it. It was about being resourceful, smart, ambitious, and cunning. None of those meant being nasty. 

Still, despite the Marauders resent of the Slytherin house, you still admired them in a way. They were so outgoing, funny, and kind. It seemed like they could get away with anything. You’ve had almost every class with at least one of them since first year, it’s not like you were a stranger to them. They never really seemed to notice you at all though. You could almost say that you wanted to be their friend, but house pride always got the better of you, and though you weren’t friends with him, you could never excuse what they did to Severus. 

“Marlene!” You called after her in protest. 

“Love you!!” She yelled over her shoulder with a wave as she ran off. You groaned, weighing your options. Spend the month in your house or spend it with a familiar company. 

The idea of not being completely alone won out. 

“Wait, Marlene!” You sighed, “I’ll get my stuff.” 

You grabbed your stuff, piling it into a bag that you charmed with an Extention charm, laying in your sleeping back and your book, along with some snacks from your house that you knew you’d be craving. You caught the group of teens just in time, falling into step with Lily, who gave you a smile. 

“Joining us, I see,” She teased, pushing you a little. 

“It was this or sitting alone at home,” You shrugged, with a little smile. 

“Well, I’m glad. Without you, I think these boys will drive me insane,” She laughed. You gave her a smile, feeling uncomfortably out of place amongst the gaggle of Gryffindors. Lily made you feel better. She and Marlene never really cared much for house discrimination. 

“So what did you bring?” Marlene dropped her arm around your shoulder. The boys were a little way ahead, snickering back and forth, occasionally looking behind them, and then going back to chatting. 

“Some food, a sleeping bag, some books, clothes. Not a lot really.” You shrugged. 

“I’m so looking forward to this!” She cheered, “There’s this lake nearby, well you probably know this already, but I’m so excited, I wanna jump in it!” 

You laughed, as she squeezed you in her excitement. 

It, thankfully, wasn’t too long of a walk to the campsite. You found a good spot, and the boys set up a tent with an extension charm on it. 

“Lily?” You admired the tent. 

“Hmm?” 

“Who cast this charm? It even better than mine.” 

“I did.” James butted in, catching your attention. 

“Oh. It’s, uh, very nice,” You complimented hesitantly. You were really hoping he wouldn’t turn it back on you to make fun of Slytherins. 

“Thank you.” 

You weren’t holding your breath but if you were, you would’ve sighed in relief. In fact, his smile was kinda nice, but he went right back to talking to Sirius without another look in your direction. 

“I can’t believe, Lily invited her, I mean we don’t even know her,” Sirius complained as you wandered off into the woods, leaving the Gryffindors behind at the camp. 

“She might not be so bad, Pads,” James shrugged, watching as you departed. 

“Not so bad? She’s a Slytherin, Prongs.” He scoffed. 

“I remember not so long ago you wanted to be a Slytherin yourself.” James nudged him, making him scowl. 

“Yeah well, that was before I realized how snobbish they are.” 

James mulled it over, Sirius was probably right, but you seemed nice for the most part. He just went back to pretending to listen to Remus and Lily talk about the books they were reading. You didn’t seem that bad, just secretive. Wandering into the woods by yourself, he was wondering what you were planning. 

“You look pensive.” Marlene snorted. 

“Hmmm?” James frowned, “Just thinking.” 

“Yeah, no shit. What do you think pensive means?” 

After a bit of laughter from Marlene, she sobered up again. 

“Okay, but seriously, what’s up?” She rested her arm against his shoulder despite being a full head shorter than him. 

“Why did you guys invite, Y/l/n?” He asked enjoying the quiet moment, well, cicada symphony quiet. 

“Because she’s cool?” 

“Yeah, but how would you know she’s not planning something.” 

“Y/n isn’t like that, James. She’s really nice. She just knows what she wants.” 

“Then why is she wandering off into the woods by herself? She could be planning some sort of Slytherin prank, y’know. Strand the gyrffindors in the woods and prank them when they have no backup.” 

“And risk starting a feud with you? Yeah, I don’t think so.” 

“But-” 

“I’m back,” you gave a big smile as you stepped back into the little clearing of the campsite. 

“Where did you go?” Marlene asked. You slung your bag off your shoulders, kneeling on the ground with it.  

“To get this!” You opened the bag, pulling out all kinds of firewood and kindling along with a hatchet. “I didn’t see you guys bring any firewood, so I thought I’d go get some.” 

“How are we gonna start a fire, we didn’t bring any-” 

“I thought of that too.” You cut her off with a proud grin. “I brought a flint fire starter.” 

“You know how to start a fire with that?” James cut in. 

“Yeah, why would I bring something that I didn’t know how to use?” 

You could tell James didn’t believe you, and instead of responding you just set to work, building a fire in the pit. It wasn’t long before the rest of the group had taken notice, sitting outside the tent on some abandoned logs while you worked. You chewed your lip, scraping flint against steel, hoping to create some sparks. 

You couldn’t stop the joy that jolted through you when the dried grasses caught fire, igniting kindling and hoping it’d burn just long enough to catch a real fire. 

“I almost thought that that wouldn’t work.” You clapped your hands together with a beaming smile. 

"You almost?" Sirius snorted. 

"Well, some of the kindling was a little damp and it's kinda windy-"

"Y/n. He's teasing." Lily cut you off. 

"Oh." 

"I'll go get marshmallows!" Peter said cheerfully, climbing into the tent - probably to escape the awkwardness in the air. 

"So, how did you learn that?" Remus asked, looking genuinely interested. 

"My dad's a muggle. He used to take me on camping trips all the time, he thought it was important that I knew how to get by without magic, in case anything bad happened." 

Remus nodded. Your dad had a point. Remus wasn't sure what James or Sirius would do if they suddenly found themselves without magic. 

"You're half-blood then?" James asked though it was more of a statement. 

"Yeah. Why?" 

"Nothing. It's just interesting." 

The next few days you got used to the presence of the Marauders, and they got used to you. It was kinda fun actually, even when you had to walk all the way back to the house so you could take the car into town because nobody packed enough food for an entire month. Only you, Lily, and Remus actually had muggle money, which made you wonder what they were planning on doing when they ran out of food. 

You, list in hand, split up the shopping into groups. Peter and Sirius went with Remus to get one-third of the shipping list, Marlene with Lily, which stuck James with you whether you liked it or not. So the two of you wandered the fridge isles, picking up condiments and drinks, and whatever you could think of that should’ve been on the list. 

You hummed lightly to the Beatles song that was playing over the radio, dancing ever so slightly to the catchy melody. James watched you with amusement as you lost yourself in the music, almost forgetting he was there. 

“He’s a real nowhere man, sitting in his nowhere land, making all his nowhere plans for nobody,” You found yourself singing softly. 

James was never really into muggle music but hearing it from your lips, he wanted to find this band and learn all of their songs. James just leaned against the cart, watching you. You flung your hair over your shoulder to find him staring. You gave him a shy smile and went back to shopping, the melody silent on your lips. You didn’t look at him again, but James was bright red. 

You all managed to make it back to the camp before dark, far from the outskirts of the city. After a long unpacking of groceries and a few rounds of firewiskey smuggled by Marlene and Peter, mostly everyone had  gone to bed. 

Most except you and James, laid out by the fire, watching ashes rise into the sky and join the stars. A charmed radio was not far off, volume low enough not to disturb the inhabitants of the tent. 

“It’s so beautiful,” You hummed, staring up at the glittering constellations above you. Somewhere far above you was Orion, Artemis’ great warrior. 

“Do you know any of the stories?”  James asked. 

“I learned a few of them in muggle studies, few other’s from my dad.” 

“Like?” 

“Well, like Orion, who was Artemis’ favorite warrior, or Cassiopea?” 

“Any.” 

“Well, I can’t remember the exact stories, but my dad told me of one that there is a tree so tall, that it touches the sky, and it’s why the sky rotates around the north star.” 

“Tell me something else.” 

“About what?” You turned to face him. 

“Anything. School, your friends, something.” 

“Well, at school I don’t have many friends. Believe it or not, there isn’t a whole lot of Slytherin's lining up to be friends with a half-blood, and there aren’t a whole lot of wizards or witches lining up to be friends with a Slytherin. I was lucky enough to have made friends with Lils and Mar during study group.” 

“I’ll be your friend.” 

“Right, because the famous Slytherin tormentor James Potter would want to be my friend.” 

“No, I promise,” He rolled over, staring at you seriously. His face heating up from the embarrassment of the accusation. 

“You promise that when we get back to Hogwarts, you’ll be my friend?” 

“I swear it.” 

“We will see then.” 

The remainder of the month went by without a hitch, you managed to make it to the lake Marlene was talking about before the water got cold. Remus wanted to stay on the side but with a little convincing from Lily, he was ready to go, Sirius already betting him five galleons that he wouldn’t jump off the tall rock. 

You spent nearly a full day there, enjoying your time with the gaggle of gryffindors. But all too soon your fun had to come to an end, as summer departed, so did your friends, going  back to their homes to prepare for the oncoming school year. 

August brought autumn and with it colder weather and falling leaves. In the transitioning of the seasons, it became more clear to James of how fast his feelings had grown for you. He was watching for you down every corridor, waiting for you in every class. In the classes he happened to share with you, he found it nearly impossible to keep himself focused on his work, his eyes seemed to follow you on their own. He thought he’d been crazy about Lily, but that feeling was nothing compared to this. 

You could often be found in the courtyard, book in hand, enjoying the smell of the changing weather. That’s where Sirius knew to find you, amongst a spattering of fallen leaves from the willow. 

“Are you ever not reading?” Sirius asked, tapping the top of your book, another muggle novel that you liked. 

“Nope,” You gave him a smile, “What’s up?” 

“You know that ball coming up?” 

“Just FYI, I bet James if he doesn’t ask the girl he likes, then he has to change his hair pink for a month so, since you’re the best at charms?” 

“I’m in. So, who are you going with?” 

“Me, myself, and I babe,” Sirius popped his collar, “Don’t wanna be tied down, mean I can dance with more ladies.” 

“I am both disgusted and impressed.” 

“You going with someone?” 

“Nobody’s asked, so far.” You shrugged, shivering as a cold breeze threw some hair into your face. You tucked it behind your ear, “Can’t seem to find anyone interested, I guess.” 

Truth be told, you only wanted one person to ask you, but he seemed far to preoccupied to notice. To say you were pining over James Potter would be an understatement. You’d catch him staring from across the Great Hall and you’d stick your tongue out at him, only for him to make a face at you in return. 

“Well, whoever doesn’t ask is blind. You don’t get a date, I’ll go with you - as friend’s of course.” 

“What about all the babes you wanna dance with?” You rose a brow at him. 

“Friends are more important, Y/n, surely you know that.” He ruffled your hair. 

“Okay, whatever Sirius, go away.” 

“You love me.”

“You wish!” You called as he stalked away, giving you a grin. 

James plotted for hours how to ask you out. He didn’t want to do something he already used on Lily, anything she rejected would never work on you, he was sure of it. The only problem is that she rejected all of his previous ideas. Those were all big and grand, public. If he wanted you, he’d have to go for something simple, private and something that would mean something to you. So he slipped a note in your novel when you weren’t looking, hoping that you’d find it in time. 

That's how you ended up in the astronomy tower as the sun was setting, the light just barely clinging to the horizon. Glittering lights floated around the astronomy tower, creating shadow scenes of a couple's adventures. There was even one of a couple lying next to a fire, and one at a train station. It was beautiful, but you weren’t sure why you were here. 

“Y/n,” James beamed at you, “You came.” 

“Well, yeah, I found a mysterious note. I thought I’d investiga- James what is all this?” 

“It’s uh, us?” He scratched the back of his neck. “I had a speech planned and then I saw you and forgot it but, um, I wanted to ask you if you wanted to go to the ball with me?” 

“James I swear if you’re only asking me so I won't color your hair pink-” 

“No, Y/n, what?” He scrunched his face up like he had no idea of that part of the deal, and honestly, he didn’t, “Look.” 

He pointed at one of the shadow scenes. It was a couple at a table, books in hand, from the motion you could tell they were laughing. 

“See, that’s us a couple weeks ago in the library when we got yelled at for laughing too loud. This one,” He pointed to another, a girl with a list in hand and a boy leaning on the shopping cart, “is at that store, remember?” 

“Well yeah, but I don’t understand.” 

“All of these scenes are moments that made me fall for you,” James explained, “And I really, really like you, I’m just asking for a chance for you to like me too.” 

“Y’know, James,” You stepped forward, teasing him, “You’re almost as red as Lily’s hair is.” 

“Look if you don’t feel-” 

“No I feel the same,” You laughed, “I’m just enjoying seeing you nervous for once.” 

“So you’ll go to the ball with me?” 

“Yes, I’ll go to the ball with you.” You laughed as he broke out into a huge grin, wrapping his arms around you and spinning you around. 

“I promise you won’t regret this.” He swore. 

“Yeah, sure, okay, I just require one thing.” 

“What?” 

“This.” You cupped his cheeks, pulling him down for a kiss. As cheesy as it was, it felt like fireworks, even as the heat of his hands tightened on your waist. It was, dare I say, perfect. 

“JAMES POTTER!” 

“Y/N Y/L/N!” 

“Busted,” You whispered as you pulled away. James grinned at the professors sheepishly. 

“Hi, McG.” He waved slightly. 

TAGS:  @diggorysghost​​ @niffleurs​ @siriuslyimmoony​ @carolinesbookworld@untildawnremus​ @thoseofgreatambition​ @nosebleednougats​​ @moonynprongs​ @marauderobsessed​ @theboywhocriedlupin​ @astertist​ @swellwriting​ @blimey-ron​ @dyngflwrs​ ​ @fortisfiliae​ @essenceoflumos​  @bluemadcnna @theseuscmander

[theangriestpea]

The Killing Type | Three

Summary: Just when Lavender thought things were going great with Sweet Pea, a new girl comes back to turn to turn their entire relationship upside down. Now they have to navigate a world of drug dealers, rival gangs, and co-parenting. Sequel to Mercy Killing. <ao3> <masterlist>

Rating: Mature // Explicit

Pairings: Sweet Pea x OC // eventual Jughead Jones x OC

Warnings: Underage Drinking

Word Count: 4.9k+

A/N: This chapter went to a weird place??? Oh well. I half planned on there to be more smut but it just didn't happen lol. That's probably for the best, I've been off my game lately.

Chapter Three : The L Word

When Sweet Pea finally joined Lavender at the cake, everyone began to sing Happy Birthday while she lit the candles surrounding the double-headed snake. He watched numbly, not even hearing the song end or the cheers that came after. She had to nudge him to get him to snap back to reality and blow out of the candles after making a quick wish (even though he thought wishing on birthday candles was utterly stupid, he still had some modicum of hope).

Cheryl cut the cake, divvying out a good sized piece to everyone. Sweet Pea got the first cut and the biggest slice, though he didn’t feel much in the mood for cake. He forced himself to take a bite, watching the way his ex’s eyes lit up with anticipation. She couldn’t wait to see what he thought.

Sweet Pea forced a small smile, “this is the best cake I’ve ever had.” He said honestly, it was very good. It just felt so...wrong. And he couldn’t place why. As if he shouldn’t be eating this because she got it for him. That by consuming it he was somehow trapped in this non-relationship. Maybe he was looking too far into it.

After grabbing a cold beer, Lav sat down at an empty table with her piece of cake. She watched as various serpents danced and talked, some were playing pool while others were chowing down on cake and other snacks that had been provided. She felt an incredible amount of pride for being able to put this all together for him, the afterglow of sex leaving a kind of invincible aura around her. A protective bubble if you will.

Someone sat down across the table from her and she gave a sideways glance to see that it was Lily. Lavender sipped her beer, pretending to not feel any sort of intimidation. Lily watched her eat silently for a few tense minutes.

“You don’t see what you’re doing, do you?” She finally asked, wondering how Lavender could supposedly know Sweet Pea so well, but not know that she was hurting him. It was extremely obvious to Lily who had grown up with him. Spending nearly every day with him for over a decade made it so she knew his every tell. Sweet Pea couldn’t hide shit from her and vise versa.

Lavender sighed, annoyed with this discourse already. “What are you talking about?”

Lily straightened up in her chair, “you’re hurting him but you don’t even realize it. I don’t think you can read him as well as you think you can.”

“I know he’s upset about the breakup but we talked about it. We’ll get back together when the time is right.” Lav replied, her voice growing cold. “I don’t see why it’s any of your business. You’re the reason we broke up in the first place.”

“I understand why you did it. Because you wanted us to have a chance, but I told you I don’t want his cheating ass back. It’s my business because he’s my best friend and you’re putting him through unnecessary heartbreak because of something stupid that I said, which he gladly chewed me out for later.” Lily said, trying to get through to her. “Toni and Jug said something to me too and I apologize for what I said. Maybe you’re not using him to get better. I just jumped to conclusions because I was hurt….”

Lavender waited patiently for her to continue. However, the conversation seemed to die off there. Lav had no idea what she wanted to do now. Did she take him back now that Lily had admitted to being wrong? This somehow felt like a trap. “I want him to focus on being a father.” Lav said. “I loved mine very much and I think it’s important for little girls to have a good dad in their life...and he missed out on so much already. I don’t want to take time away from her.”

Lily couldn’t help but feel a new appreciation for the girl she had deemed “the other woman”. Here she was just trying to help them keep their family together...and all Lily had done was attack her. She let out a soft sigh, regretting how unnecessarily harsh she had been.

An uncomfortable silence fell on them as Lav watched her nemesis, Kitty Rollins, approach Sweet Pea. Her grip on her beer bottle tightened as Lily watched the scene unfold. They were standing extremely close to one another, Sweet Pea was smiling and even laughed . Lavender felt anger and heartbreak all at once. They weren’t together, she told him he could see other people, but him actually doing it….that was not something she had been prepared for.

Lily watched both Lavender and Sweet Pea, instantly figuring out what her baby daddy was doing. He wasn’t actually interested in Kitty, that was evident, but he was putting on a show as if he were. It was all to goad Lavender into some kind of reaction. He naively thought that maybe if he showed her how much she still wanted him, that she’d come back. Maybe they could stop being platonic and go back to what they had.

Kitty grabbed a hold of Sweet Pea’s jacket, and Lavender nearly saw red. She had to chug down her beer to keep from losing it. “Lav, listen.” Lily said, reaching out to put a hand on top of the other girl’s. It was a very...strange gesture to Lavender. “He’s not into her, I promise. He only has eyes for you right now. He’s trying to rile you up.”

Lavender’s eyes softened as she looked back at Sweet Pea, who had chanced a glance at her before leaning in to whisper something to Kitty. The jealousy and rage returned in an instant. Even if Lily was telling the truth, it was working . “He’ll still have sex with her.” Lav said, “He had sex with me and he didn’t even know me.”

Lily pulled her hand away. “He will pretend to, sure. But he won’t actually do it. He’s too chicken shit. I promise, if they leave he’ll just drop her off at her trailer and leave her there. Trust me, he did the same thing to girls when we were taking a break just to annoy me. He doesn’t have side chicks when he’s actively in love with someone. I think...I think we had fallen apart before July even started.” She swallowed down the lump of pain in her throat. Even though she had moved on, it still hurt quite a bit when she thought about it.

Lav was staring at Lily now, eyes as wide as saucers. Her and Sweet Pea had never used the L word with one another. They weren’t ready. It was too big of a step. And while Lav had deep rooted suspicions that she did love Sweet Pea, she was almost sure that he didn’t love her back... at least, not romantically.

“He...loves me?” She asked, still not believing what Lily had just said. The brunette was unperturbed. Sweet Pea was terrible at saying those three words so it wasn’t surprising that he hadn’t told her how he felt. She also wondered if Lavender also had similar issues admitting to her feelings.

“Shanna,” Lav flinched at the use of her real name. “Trust me. No one knows Nathaniel better than I do. If he didn’t love you, then he would have gone out and banged the first chick he came across the night you broke up with him.”

Lav bit her lip, nearly giggling at finally knowing Sweet Pea’s real name. He would never tell her it, even after many nights of begging and trying to seduce it out of him. “Do you think...he could be a dad to her and a boyfriend to me?” She asked, her voice obviously unsure.

Lily smiled softly, “you’ll never know until you let him try.”

The purple haired girl stood, leaving her trash at the table for the time being as she sauntered over to Sweet Pea. He was giving her a curious look as he allowed Kitty to press her body against him. “ Nathaniel ,” Lav said sweetly. Kitty’s head snapped to look at the shorter girl, eyes narrowing into a glare. Her nose was now permanently crooked thanks to Lav’s little stunt when she first became a Serpent.

Sweet Pea grit his teeth, anger flaring at the sound of his name. Lily, he thought icily, looking to his ex as she waved with a huge smile on her face. His eyes shifted back to Lav who was completely ignoring Kitty. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

“You’re not together anymore, Northside slut, back off.” Kitty hissed. Sweet Pea’s gaze hardened as he pushed her away from him. He knew how the Northsiders at Riverdale constantly called Lav demeaning names such as slut or whore after her attack. They didn’t know what really happened, and the rumors made it seem like she was gang-banged consensually by a bunch of Ghoulies.

He never stood for anyone calling her either word, because he knew how much it had destroyed her esteem. “Back off, Rollins.” He hissed at her, no longer wanting anything to do with the black haired girl. He put an arm around Lav, his large hand finding the small of her back so he could lead her away.

Though Lav was stricken by the insult, she pretended to brush it off as if it were nothing. She understood why Sweet Pea took the defensive stance and appreciated it greatly. He had even forgotten that she had called him by his real name. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I’ve been an idiot about this whole thing.” Lavender said admittedly, her cheeks dusting with a shade of pink. “Lily...Lily talked to me and she’s right. I shouldn’t be hurting you like this.” He made a face, not liking that she had called him out on his feelings. “I was just worried that I’d take you away from Daisy, but I should have at least let you try to figure out how to balance us.”

He let out a pent up breath, nodding his head slowly. “So what does this mean? You want to get back together?” His heart seemed to be thudding painfully in his chest, as if it were burst free at any moment.

She turned to face him, looking up with those big hazel eyes that drew him in every time. “I know this has been really weird for both of us, Lily and Daisy coming back into your life. But I think...I really think we can work through it. So, if you want me to be your girlfriend again then I would lo-” She cut herself off, “then I would be extremely happy.”

Sweet Pea stared at her, his feelings all jumbled together like a poorly wrapped skein of yarn. “So we’re dating again?” He asked, a bit confused by her rambling.

Lav let out a frustrated groan, “yes! We’re dating again!”

He couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across his face, his heart pumping full of joy as he leaned down to kiss her with her small face in his hands. She sighed into the kiss, moving her lips against his until Fangs came up and slapped Sweet Pea on the ass.

“Dude!” Sweet Pea snapped at him, not liking the interruption.

“Are you two fucking again or what?” Fangs asked, a stupid smile on his lips. “Because I’m kinda over this whole broken up thing. Not that I don’t love sleeping with you in my arms, Lavie.”

Sweet Pea made a face at him and Fangs quickly changed his tune, “platonically, Sweets. It was a joke.” Sweet Pea rolled his eyes and pulled Lav close to him in a possessive way.

“Anyway,” Fangs said after rolling his eyes. “Let’s celebrate! Drinks on me everybody!” He yelled out, making the crowd cheer.

“Fogarty, I pre-bought all the alcohol you idiot.” Lavender said, a cute pout on her face. “Stop taking credit for my generosity!”

Fangs smirked before walking off, waving his hand at him in a goofy goodbye. “Jerk.” Lav muttered playfully before looking back up at Sweet Pea who had been staring down at her.

“This is the best birthday I’ve ever had.” He mumbled at her, a blush creeping up his neck. “Thanks Rhodes.”

“You’re welcome, Pea.”

The party went on fairly late into the night. As things were starting to wrap up, Lavender noticed that Lily had disappeared even though the rest of their core group was there helping to clean up. “Where’s Lily?” Lav asked Sweet Pea who just sighed.

He ran a hand through his hair, “she keeps disappearing at weird hours. She left about forty-five minutes ago, told me to pick up Daisy and apologized for making me watch her on my birthday. She said she had something to do. Who has something that important to do at two in the morning?”

Lav frowned, seeing a foreign look on his face. If she didn’t know any better, then she would have thought that it was distraught strewn across his features. “You don’t know where she goes?”

“No.” He replied, his tone erring on the side of anger. “She just tells me to watch Daisy and leaves. Sometimes she’s gone for hours.”

Lav threw the trash she had in her hands away, “maybe we should follow her one day.” She looked up to see his thoughtful expression.

“You’re right, Shanna.” She grimaced at her name, “next time we’ll follow her and see where she goes.”

She pulled him down for a quick kiss. “Can I spend the night with you? I don’t want you to be by yourself on your birthday.”

He smirked at her, “technically my birthday ended at midnight. But if you think you can handle a crying baby waking you up in the night, then sure.”

Lav couldn’t help but roll her eyes, “I should have known you’d adjust to that quickly seeing as I used to be that crying baby waking you up all the time.”

Sweet Pea’s gentle smile turned into a disapproving look. “Don’t talk about yourself like that.” He said, not liking her speaking negatively about the aftereffects of her trauma. “You’re not a baby.”

She looked up at him through her thick eyelashes. “I’m your baby.” She said cutely, trying to lighten the mood.

He rolled his eyes at her before letting out a sigh of defeat, “yeah, yeah. I guess you are. Hurry up, Princess, so we can go home.”

With the help of the others, they finished cleaning up the Wyrm and packing up the leftover food. Lavender told Sweet Pea she’d meet him at his trailer since they drove separately and she still had his key. Luckily she knew she still had some clothes stashed over there from when they were dating previously. It just seemed stupid to take it all home when they’d get back together eventually.

When she arrived, she put the food away before retreating to his bedroom, ignoring all of the baby toys strewn across the living room and hallway. She changed into one of his t-shirts and stretched out on his bed as she waited for him to join her.

About ten minutes later, Sweet Pea arrived with a sleeping Daisy. Since it was so late, she was in too deep of a sleep to wake up when he picked her up and brought her home. He put her in her crib and turned on a night light before going into his room.

He couldn’t help but grin at the familiar sight of Lavender on his bed wearing his clothes. The shirt swallowed her whole and looked more like a dress than anything. She glanced up from her phone and smiled back at him. “Hey, birthday boy.” She said, “Oh, I’m sorry, it’s not your birthday any more.” She added sarcastically.

Sweet Pea rolled his eyes at her as he got undressed, stripping down to his boxers before turning off the light and laying down beside her. Lavender planted her face into his hard chest as he arms wrapped tightly around here.

They laid in silence for a few moments before she broke it. “Where do you think she’s going?” Lav murmured.  He could barely hear her as her voice was muffled by his skin. She always seemed to smother herself against him whenever she got the chance. He had no idea how she could possibly comfortably breathe.

“I don’t know.” Sweet Pea said in a voice that was barely above a whisper. “She’s been different since she got back. She’s always in a shitty mood. Yells at me any chance she gets. I know that I hurt her and that I deserve it but...I don’t know, something just doesn’t feel right.”

Lavender let out a small hum in response, unsure of what to say. “You should thank her.” She said finally and she felt him tense up against her.

“For what?” He asked, confused by why his girlfriend would suggest such a thing. “She broke us up.”

“Maybe,” Lavender replied, moving her head slightly so he could hear her better, “but she also got us back together. I probably would have still been trying to prove something to her if she hadn't apologized to me. I guess you and the others laid into her pretty badly for what she said.”

His grip on her tightened. “I told her she was a jealous idiot.” He hissed. “And that you were going to therapy. And...that you still need protection.”

“What are you talking about? We took care of the Ghoulies.” Lavender replied, not understanding. She had been in the clear since the dust settled after taking out the last three.

“The Ghoulies want revenge, Shanna.” Sweet Pea said. “They’ve been making threats again. Jughead may have gotten a lot of them locked away for the time being with that stupid race, but they’ll be out sooner rather than later. It won’t be good.”

She attempted to pull away from him but he wouldn’t let her, keeping his arms firmly in place. “Are you saying they’re after me again? Sweet Pea, why didn’t you tell me?!”

He could feel her heart rate spike through their chests, hear the impending terror in her voice. “They’ve got a score to settle with you, but we won’t let it happen. Okay? Fangs and I have been watching you day and night.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked in a pathetic tone, no longer fighting against him.

“Because if I had then you would have been too scared to sleep and when you don’t sleep you’re an impossible bitch to be around.” Sweet Pea said, “Nothing is going to happen. We’ll watch out for you.”

Lavender huffed, her heart still racing. She attempted to shove her fear outside of her mind, tried to will herself to calm down. At least she felt safe there, in his bed with him holding her so tightly that she could barely move. It was better than being home alone. Hell, it was even better than sharing a bed with Fangs like she often did during her and Sweet Pea’s time apart. The thought of them being together again was the only thing that allowed her to slowly drift to sleep.

The next day, the young Serpents decided to go to the quarry to relieve some stress that had been building due to rising tensions with the Ghoulies. Lavender had opted to wear a sundress that was long enough to cover the tops of her thighs where her scars were. She was lounging in the sun, sipping a daiquiri that Fangs had made for everyone before they left. He filled as many thermoses as he could find to keep them from melting too fast.

Sweet Pea had bought her a new bikini so that she couldn’t use the excuse that hers no longer fit. He wasn’t totally clueless and the biggest sign that she was having body issues were the photos she had given him. Her scars had been barely visible when he knew they were thick bands of stark white against her skin. Either Toni had edited the photos or she had covered her scars with makeup. He assumed the latter.

Lavender made the excuse that she didn’t feel like swimming so she was just going to sit on the shore. She wasn’t about to go in front of everyone wearing nothing but a skimpy bikini. Though she quite loved the one he had bought for her, she simply wasn’t ready.

He walked up, dripping wet as he sat down next to her. She smiled at him softly and offered him her drink, which he took and gulped down. “The water feels great. You should go in.” He said, pretending to be oblivious to her concerns. “It’s not too cold like you thought it might be.”

She frowned, not wanting to argue with him but not wanting to go in either. “Maybe later.” She murmured. “Daisy really likes the water, huh?” She asked in an attempt to change the subject.

They watched the little nine month old, held by her mother, splash around in the water. She was giggling and babbling, making all kinds of happy noises. The others all had smiles on their faces as well. They didn’t seem to notice either teen on the bank.

Sweet Pea did not allow for her to deflect the conversation. He stood back up and quickly scooped his girlfriend into his arms. Lav grappled with him, attempting to get away as she knew what he was about to do. “Sweet Pea! Stop! Put me down!”

“No, you’re going to have fun with us.” He said angrily. “You’re not going to sit over here by yourself like a loser anymore. Christ, even Jones is out there instead of being a wet blanket.”

They came closer to the water and Lav continued to struggle, doing anything she could to get away. Anything besides physically hurting him, which she really did not want to do. “I mean it, Nathaniel, put me down!”

“Okay, Shanna.” Sweet Pea said, dropping her suddenly. She realized her mistake when her body hit the water. She screamed again at him as she righted herself as quickly as she could.

“You are such an asshole!” She screeched, attempting to storm back to shore, however he stopped her by standing in front of her. Any time she tried to get around, he’d move to block her still.

“You’re going to swim with us.” He said firmly. “Or else.”

She rolled her eyes, “Or else what? I’m not a child!”

He leaned down to whisper to her, “Or else I’ll hold out on you, baby girl. Don’t forget, I know just how much you need me to get you off.”

Lavender stopped, her face heating up even though she knew the others couldn’t hear him. “Prick.” She hissed before sinking down into the water. “I hate you.”

Sweet Pea merely shrugged nonchalantly, “sure you do. Why don’t you take your dress off so it doesn’t get ruined.”

She glared at him, “It wouldn’t be ruined if someone didn’t drop me into the water!”

Fangs swam over to them, grabbing Lav by the waist. “I can unzip you!” He said, a giant grin on his handsome face. “I’ll take it to shore. I gotta take a leak.”

“I’m not taking my dress off!” She snapped at the two of them as she tried to get out of Fangs’ grasp. It wasn’t much use, he was too strong for her and the water resistance made it ever harder to struggle.

“Take it off, Fogarty.” Sweet Pea said darkly.

Lavender began to panic, her eyes flooding with tears that made both boys stop their harassment. What Sweet Pea hadn’t intended was triggering her with his order. Her mind jolted into the darkness of a flashback from that night.

“God damn it.” Sweet Pea huffed as he pulled her into his arms to try and calm her down. She only struggled against him, hitting his chest as hard as she could until he let her go. She swam around him and took to the shore, grabbing a towel before running into the forest.

“Good job, asshole.” Lily said and Sweet Pea noticed that everyone was glaring at him. He groaned and turned, about to go after her when Lily stopped him. “Don’t. You’ll make things worse. I’ll go while you play with Daisy.”

Sweet Pea reluctantly took his daughter into his arms as Lily, Toni, and Cheryl all went to go after Lav. Fangs and Jughead were quiet, watching them go. A heavy silence fell on them as Sweet Pea bit the inside of his cheek. He wanted to scream until his lungs gave out or punch something until it reduced to tiny little pieces. He had been so good at not triggering her. He hadn’t stepped on a landmine in months . All that work vanished in a split second when he pushed her too far. Christ, why did he always take things too far?

In the woods, Lavender had found a large rock to curl up on as she cried. She didn’t soften her sobs, not realizing that she had been followed. She let herself break down into a soggy mess, unable to form a coherent thought. She could feel their knives gliding across her skin. Her clothes rip off her body. The sheer pain and terror all came back as strong as the night it happened.

“Lavie,” A soft voice broke the sounds of her crying. Lav shrunk against the stone, turning so her back was to the person who called her name. She didn’t want anyone to see her like this. It was embarrassing.

She felt Toni’s arm wrap around her shoulders in a soothing gesture. Lav’s body tensed, unwilling to relax against anyone in the moment even if it was her best girlfriend. “It’s okay, you’re not alone. We’re here.”

Lav did her best to stifle her sobs. She hiccuped back tears as she finally leaned into Toni’s side for comfort. She felt guilty for ruining their fun. “I-I’m sorry.” She managed to stutter out. “I-I didn’t mean.”

“Do not apologize, Purpura Serpenta.” Cheryl said in a calming tone. Lav felt her arm wrap around her waist. “You did nothing wrong.” She added. “That buffoon of a boyfriend of yours is at fault.”

“He didn’t mean to.” Lavender said in a weak attempt to defend him. She didn’t sound like she believed herself.

Lily sat down behind her, resting her back against hers. “He was being an idiot.” She said in a frustrated tone that was totally directed at him and not the crying girl behind her. “Obviously you didn’t want to swim, he should have just left you alone.”

“It’s not that…” Lav mumbled, “I did want to.”

Toni squeezed her shoulder. “You can tell us, Lavie, it’s okay.”

“They’re so ugly.” Lav murmured, nearly breaking down again. “I don’t want anyone to see them.”

The other three were silent, unsure of what to say. Toni and Cheryl continued to hold her as Lily kept their backs touching for her own show of support. “I know it’s not the same but...I feel like my body is a disaster after pregnancy.” Lily said, hiding her face so they couldn’t see how embarrassed she felt to admit it. “My stomach isn't back to where it used to be...I’ve got these gross stretch marks that won’t ever go away. I just wish it could have gone back to what it was before Sweet Pea knocked me up.”

“I wish I was taller.” Toni confessed. “Also not the same, but I hate being so small. No one takes me seriously until I punch them or pull out my knife. It’s such a headache.”

“I love your height.” Cheryl said with a small pout. “It’s perfect to me.”

Lavender began to breathe normally again as she slowly crawled back up from the depths of her inner hell. “I shouldn’t have run away with the Ghoulies giving threats...I’m such an idiot.”

“We wouldn’t let you come out here alone.” Toni replied, pulling her closer. “So don’t worry about that. Even when Sweet Pea and Fangs are being complete jerks, we’ll always have your back.” The other two girls murmured an affirmative.

After a few beats of silence, Lavender uncurled herself from the rock. “We should go back. Before the boys hurt themselves somehow.”

Lily snorted, “dumbasses.” She stood up and offered her hand to Lavender who reluctantly took it. She smiled at her warmly. “You know the best way to get back at him?” She asked, a devious glint in her eye that did not match her smile.

Lav blinked, “what?”

“Just ignore him. He can’t take it. It drives him absolutely crazy.” Lily said, trying her best not to giggle. “I used to do it any time he annoyed me or pissed me off. He’ll be begging for attention in minutes.”

A small smile broke across Lav’s lips. “Okay. Why don’t we both do it?” She asked. “It’ll be twice as much punishment.”

Lily couldn’t help but laugh at the idea, “brilliant, let’s do it.” The two linked arms before returning to the quarry, completely ignoring Sweet Pea, Fangs and Jughead the rest of the afternoon.

Tag List: @the-gargoyle-queen​, @alexa-playafricabytoto​ If you want to be tagged, just let me know!

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[headlongedmaggiemay]

Guys, I floored! IDK what I’m doing

This is a long rant/story ish thing. It gets weird at the end.

Ok here’s a peak into my life (of which, no one asked for 🤷🏼‍♀️).

Hi, I’m Steph, 28 (turning 29 at the end of this month), artist, barista, beach bum, INFP, 2w1, Hufflepuff. I’ve been a part of the Queen fandom since BoRhap and I’m not planning on leaving any time soon.

Ok, one of the main things that I usually don’t care that much about but has been a source of insecurities and a trigger for my depression, which I’m working on controlling that, is I’m Demisexual. I’m a unicorn, ace of diamonds, part of the asexual range, and a complete hopeless romantic. It was hard growing up not understanding that I wasn’t broken. I didn’t have crushes on people the majority of the time or slept around. A lot of my friends chucked it up to me being raised in Christianity, and in all honesty I thought that was part of it, too. I remember thinking the people I had interest in just didn’t like me because of *queue laundry list of typical insecurities often found in teenagers and young adults* (you get the gist). Through my early mid 20s I decided to acknowledge my feelings and desires to be in a relationship but not let the lack of affection, attraction, or action overwhelm me into a depressed funk. I chose to focus on the fact that I felt relatively normal for wanting those things which the American Society seems to hyper fixate on. This was the period of time I took to focus on me and being confident in my plus sized skin. This was good. I am who I am and no one can make me feel less than who I am. Around the peak of self love and acceptance, I discovered a word, a magical word, that seemed to click with who I am, Demisexual.

For those unaware of the definition of Demisexual it is not experiencing any sexual attraction to another until a greater bond is formed. Basically, there has to be an emotional bond, think friends to lovers trope. We fall under the asexual umbrella. Just because we need a deeper connection with someone to feel sexually attracted to, doesn’t mean we don’t get horny or anything else non-ace feel, it’s just more specific to the individual. From what I’ve read, since I only know of one other demi, who didn’t have a word for what she is until pride month because I was explaining my demi pride name tag I painted for work, a lot of Demi’s still have sexual urges and masterbate. We still have the need to connect with another person. We still want to be kissed in the most romantic way. It’s just with a person we know and trust.

That being said, I’m a demi who rarely has romantic crushes, friend crushes literally happen everyday for me lol, I just think people are amazing and unique! The thing about me is that I’ve had five (5) crushes in my nearly 29 years of life. Of course, 4 out of 5 of those I had a deep connection to, the other I was literally a child, living in my fantasy, but it still counts. Consequently, those four are the only ones I have ever had a sexual attraction towards. So the 4 have all been friends, close friends, best friends, and only one of those was semi acted on. We talked for a few weeks, then he decided to be an ass, (fueling my deep fear of rejection) and I told him he wasn’t allowed to talk to me or even look at me until I gave him the ok, which he respected. I have had a ‘boyfriend’, it lasted 3 weeks, was he one of the 5? No. Why did agree to be his girlfriend? Because one of the five had gotten into a relationship with our friends sister and I was so hurt because I put too much heart into a one sided thing, I accepted the ‘boyfriend’s’ affection and hoped for something to happen. I don’t know I was hoping for, but it didn’t happen. (The guy who got with our friends sister is happily married to her and I’m happy for them)

See, when I have a crush or whatever you want to call it, I go hard. I already know when I get into a *real* relationship, it will be a ride or die situation. I love hard, even on my friends. I’m incredibly loyal and protective of my tribe. I can’t help it, it’s just how I function.

This is a lot of setup for this part of my current flaming cart of shit of a life, right now, July 14, 2019. For the past, nearly year I guess, I’ve been trying to disentangle my feelings I had towards my closest best friend. I’m 99.999999% he’d never hold romantic feelings for me and that’s fine, I can’t force him to reciprocate. The main reason I decided to disentangle my romantic feelings for him was because I don’t want to ruin our friendship. It means more to me than a crush. Like, he’s so important to me and I know that if I didn’t, I’d push him away and lose one of the best things in my life. And for all of you going ‘why not take a chance on him?’, well my dears, he is on the asexual scale as well. And I respect him and our friendship too much to damage that. Queue BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY! In the earlier stages of the disentangling, BoRhap came out. This was my distraction from my feelings and ultimately what helped me work past them. Shout out to all you Queenies out there, y’all helped a lot! Anyways, I realized about a month or so ago I no longer felt those romantic feelings for him and was pleasantly joyful about that because now our friendship has gone back to normal. Around that time, a guy at my work transferred back to our store. I worked with him briefly when I was first hired, six months later he was transferred. We almost never spoke, I was shy and still getting comfortable with the people, so I barely spoke to like 3 of my coworkers. I always tried to say hi to him and a few other coworkers that I felt we could eventually become friends. Fast forward a year and half later, I’m incredibly comfortable in my work space, so much so that I, an introvert, innately shy natured person, am considered one of the bigger personalities we have in our shop. So here we are, he’s (let’s call him Craig) back, and somehow we have become pretty close. Now, I’ve never been good with reading flirty body language, I’ve always said if someone like me, I need a billboard or flashing lights, or complete directness i.e walking up to me and saying, ‘Steph, I like you a lot,’ or ‘I have feelings for you.’ So with Craig I can’t tell if he’s flirting with me or if he is very comfortable with me. He is a relatively normal cis guy, not an asshole, nerdy and cute and yes, a crush is developing for him. We send each other memes literally all day even when we’re at work together. He texted me right before he fell asleep telling me he shaved his face. I can read his emotions fairly well. We joke and laugh all the time. We haven’t hung out outside of work yet, but I really want it to happen. I’m at the point in my life that whatever happens happens with him because to few times I let my heart run away it’s come back mangled. I’m tired of it. Also, Craig got out of a 3 year relationship right before he transferred back. I’m trying not to dive in without looking, but Craig has been constantly running through my head for the past week, at least that I’ve realized. I’ve had a few sex dreams with him, fun fact: I’ve never had sex... bonus: it doesn’t make me weird. He’s definitely popped into my head when I was masterbating (tmi sorry). I just don’t know what to do. I want something to happen between us, I want him to have feelings for me, I want him to hold me at night but we work together so I have all these insecurities with that. My insecurities about my weight like to flare up when I start having feelings for someone. I’m confident in my skin except around crushes, apparently. I shouldn’t let it matter, but I know I don’t fit the standard for beautiful body, or ‘hot’ and hmmmpff. Like anytime someone tinkles that little bell of interest for me, a voice comes crawling from the grave I thought I buried it in, saying ‘no one’s going to love you or want you. how could they? you’re so fat and your boobs aren’t perfect, and look at all these pretty other people around you, how can you hold up them? why would they choose you over that cute thing there?’

Do you realize how hard it is to try to kill that voice, especially since it sounds like my mother?

Do you realize how hard it is not to hate myself for not being semi normal?

Do you realize how hard it is to not run away from my feelings for someone? To not just hide away forever hoping someone will come rescue me from my thoughts? To not just friend zone Craig and leave it at that?

I should just find a therapist.

Sorry.

.

P.S. I’m still figuring out the other part of my sexuality, meaning demi is a precursor to homo, hetero, bi, pan, poly ect.  I think I’m demi-pan-sexual 

[mlovesstories]

Her Dad’s Distress (HDF 15)

Her Dad’s Distress HDF 15

Addy age 15

JJ age 4

Twins age 8 months

Jensen x Daughter, Danneel x Daughter, Jared x Niece

Patriarch- oldest male of the family

AN: The exercises below are ones I’ve used or I’ve heard about.  I’m not a medical professional.  

Word Count: 1303

Warnings:  Panic attack, sensory overload, Addy fluff?

Summary- Addy and Jensen go back to Vancouver.

July 2017

It was now July, the most dreaded month of the year for the Ackles and Padaleckis. Both patriarchs had to go back to work. While Danneel, Addy, and Jensen were still working through their individual trauma recovery, they were doing considerably well.  The three worked very hard to come together and be there for each other, but now it was time that they were separated again. Jensen was somewhat scared to go to set, the memories of the accident came back strongly.

“What if I go with him? I’m still on my summer break,” Addy suggested.  

“Baby-“ Danneel started.

“He leaves in two days, Mom. Just think about it. I know how to calm him down, and the therapist said he thought it might be a little much for him anyway.”

“I know. I’ll think about it.”

“Thank you.”  

The next few days were difficult.  They were all mourning the loss of hiatus.  Even though it had taken a lot of work, both families created some positive memories.  

“Hey, Addy.  Come here,” Jensen called for his oldest daughter.  “I want to ask you something.” Addy walked over from playing with the babies on the floor to sit next to her dad.

“What’s up, Daddio?”

“You’re a rockstar, you know that, right?”

“Umm, duh!  Wait- why, exactly?”  Addy gave her dad a confused, but prideful, expression.  He laughed.

“You help us so much.  Thank you for all you’ve done to help us on hiatu-”

“If it’s a ‘no’ for me coming to Van, it’s okay.  Dad, I just want you to feel safe going back, that’s all.”

“Woman, would you let me talk?!”  Jensen sassed.  Addy leaned over in laughter.

Through her giggles, she answered with a ‘sure’.

“We wanted to reward you for all of your work in therapy.  It hasn’t been easy for any of us, but you’ve handled it like a champ.  You’ve been a great example for everyone, and I hope you feel that.”

“Yes, Daddy.  I do. So…”

“You can come to Vancouver with me on a few conditions.”

“REALLY? Name it! I’ll do it!”

“Woah.  Slow down, Speedy Gonzales.  Okay, number one, if being on set or at any point you feel out of control, you tell me. No buts. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“Number two, you have to increase your therapy sessions by phone or video chat with Doc.  The environment there will not be as controlled as it is here.”

“Okay.”

“I thought for sure you would fight me on that.”  Jensen was very surprised she was going along with his contingencies.

“No, Daddy.  It’s fine.  I understand.”

“Three, you can’t always feel like you need to protect me when things get iffy.  Although the scenes and environments will be out of our control, you are not my security guard, okay?”

“Yes.”

“Any scenes with guns, you will be in my trailer.  If you do not want to follow that, you ain’t coming.  That could be a big trigger for you, Addy.  You are not going to be around when we are shooting blanks on set.  I am not okay with you being around that yet.”  

“Okay, Daddy.  I’ve worked really hard on both scary things that happened this year.  I think I’ll be alright.  But I promise, I will tell you if I’m not.  I have some conditions for you too, you know.” Addy crossed her arms with smug smile.  

Jensen laughed to himself, noting her spunk coming back.  “What’s that?”

“If you feel an attack coming, you have to do something.  Don’t tough it out because you can’t ignore it.  If it gets bad, take a break.”

“Addy, I can’t just stop in the middle of shooting-”

“Yes.  You can.  And you will.  You are Jensen Ackles, one of the most famous television stars in the world.  You can stop production for a few minutes if you don’t feel well.  Promise me that you will tell Jared or me just like you want me to tell you.  Please.”

“Fine, but it isn’t your job to babysit me, you understand?  It’s MY responsibility to protect YOU.”

“I understand.”

“Okay, let’s get your stuff packed. Your mom will get you a ticket.   We leave bright and early.”

_________

Jared, Jensen, and Addy all traveled to Vancouver, and they started shooting the show the day after.  Addy and Jensen were picked up in the morning to go to set.  It was about an hour away, so they chatted along the way.  No guns were needed for the first few scenes, so Addy stuck around.  When it came time for Jensen and Jared to use their guns, she quietly exited the set.  Jensen looked over at his chair and made sure she wasn’t there to observe.  When he saw her walk off set, he allowed himself to engage in the scene.  Later on, Addy was watching as they did a big stunt scene where the boys had to jump off of and over a few obstacles on a busy street.  

“And action!”  The director started the scene.  

Sam and Dean run down a sidewalk chasing a werewolf.  They jump over various fruits and vegetables dropped on the ground by said werewolf.  Dean runs into the crowded street to catch up to him-

As they chased him across the street, a car slammed on its brakes before it could hit Jensen.  He froze in the middle of traffic.  Jensen didn’t know what to do.  His mind raced.  He couldn’t think.

Jared continued the scene, not realizing that Jensen had stopped.  Addy saw the panic in her dad’s face.  She ran to him.  “Dad!  Get out of the street!”  Jensen didn’t hear her.  When it was safe, she walked out to guide him to the side of the road. The noises and sounds and cars and people all came at Jensen in one moment.  His senses were on overload.  His mind was in a sort of shock, not even registering anything around him once the car screeched to a halt.  It was an out-of-body experience watching Addy pull him out of the roadway.  His daughter guided him to the ground, and she sat with him.  She squeezed his arms to bring him back to reality.

“Dad, you’re okay.  I’m right here.  It’s okay.”  She put pressure on the sides of his head and worked her way back down to his arms again.  By then, production had paused and Jared ran back to his friend.

“Kiddo, let me do it.”  Jared knew she could handle it, but he would take over if needed.

“No, I got it.” she answered.  “We’ve been doing specific exercises in therapy.”  She looked back at Jensen. “Can you hear me, Sen?  I’m right here.”  

“Hmff,” was all Jensen let out.  

“Breathe with me, Dad.”  Addy put his hand over her heart.  “I got you.  Come back, Sen.  You’re okay.”  She started singing a calming song to him as his breathing eased.  He looked around and took in his surroundings.  “Hi, Dad.  You ready to calm down?”

“Yes.”  Jensen could barely get his answer out.

“Okay.  Repeat after me.  10, 12, 5.”

It took Jensen some time, but he copied his daughter in saying the numbers.

“Good job.  Let’s do another one.  50, 46, 61.”

They did this a few more times before Jensen was truly ready for a conversation.   

“Hey, princess.”  Jensen was still trying to understand what happened.

“Hi, Daddy.  You okay?”  

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[newstfionline]

Wednesday, April 21, 2021

There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing (NYT) At first, I didn’t recognize the symptoms that we all had in common. It wasn’t burnout—we still had energy. It wasn’t depression—we didn’t feel hopeless. We just felt somewhat joyless and aimless. It turns out there’s a name for that: languishing. Languishing is a sense of stagnation and emptiness. It feels as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield. And it might be the dominant emotion of 2021. Languishing is the neglected middle child of mental health. It’s the void between depression and flourishing—the absence of well-being. You don’t have symptoms of mental illness, but you’re not the picture of mental health either. You’re not functioning at full capacity. Languishing dulls your motivation, disrupts your ability to focus, and triples the odds that you’ll cut back on work. Part of the danger is that when you’re languishing, you might not notice the dulling of delight or the dwindling of drive. You don’t catch yourself slipping slowly into solitude; you’re indifferent to your indifference. When you can’t see your own suffering, you don’t seek help or even do much to help yourself.

Biden’s virtual climate summit: Diplomacy sans human touch (AP) There will be no hands to shake or backs to slap, no way to look a foreign leader in the eye. The small human moments that define statecraft will be reduced to images on a screen. President Joe Biden, a most hands-on politician, this week will host a major climate summit with dozens of world leaders—all of them stuck on Zoom. Streamed 100% live with no backroom give-and-take, the summit will be more geared to sending a message about America’s return to the climate fight and nudging the world toward a greener planet than about specific deals or action. Climate activists may hope for dramatic moments when countries like Japan, South Korea or even China are suddenly inspired by Biden and announce they will stop funding other nations’ coal power plants. But Henry “Jake” Jacoby, who cofounded the MIT Center for Global Change Science, just laughs at the idea: “On a Zoom call with 40 nations of the world watching? Yeah, not a chance.”

Chauvin guilty of murder and manslaughter in Floyd’s death (AP) Former Minneapolis Officer Derek Chauvin was convicted Tuesday of murder and manslaughter for pinning George Floyd to the pavement with his knee on the Black man’s neck in a case that triggered worldwide protests, violence and a furious reexamination of racism and policing in the U.S. Chauvin, 45, was immediately led away with his hands cuffed behind his back and could be sent to prison for decades. The verdict — guilty on all counts, in a clear-cut victory for Floyd’s supporters — set off jubilation tinged with sorrow around the city. Hundreds of people poured into the streets, some running through traffic with banners. Cars blared their horns.

Teen’s death puts focus on split-second police decisions (AP) It happened in less than a second. Thirteen-year-old Adam Toledo dropped the gun he’d been holding, turned and began raising his hands just as the officer had commanded. Then the cop fired a single shot, killing the boy in the dark Chicago alley. The graphic video that became the latest tragic touchstone in the nation’s reckoning with race and policing puts a microscope on those split-second decisions with far-reaching and grave consequences. It takes the brain about three-fourths of a second to react to a perceived threat, said Chris Burbank, a former police chief in Salt Lake City who is now with the Center for Policing Equity. Most police can then draw a gun and fire two accurate rounds in 1.5 seconds, so the pivotal portion of a confrontation can be over in less than three seconds.

Journalism problems (American Press Institute) The latest World Press Freedom Index from Reporters Without Borders found that journalism was impeded or constrained in 73% of the 180 countries that the index evaluated. The report finds that the pandemic severely curbed journalists’ access to sources and reporting in the field. Meanwhile, the he2021 Edelman Trust barometer, which surveyed people in 28 countries, found that 58% of respondents said journalists deliberately misled the public by reporting information that they knew was false. The United States ranks 44th out 180 countries in press freedom and is rated “fairly good”; the top five countries when it comes to press freedom are Norway, Finland, Sweden, Denmark and Costa Rica.

Covid in Brazil: Hunger worsens in city slums (BBC) The queue snakes around the block and each day it gets longer: hungry residents of Heliopolis, São Paulo’s largest favela, waiting in line for the handout that will keep them going until the next morning. They are given a bowl of pasta with meat and a portion of rice, two packets of biscuits and a carton of milk, shared between a whole household and usually their only meal of the day. Before the pandemic, 300 people would queue up here. Now it is over 1,000, and the charity that runs it has 650 others across São Paulo. “The vast majority of people who live in the favelas work in the informal economy, as cleaners in homes or helping to bake cakes, so when businesses close or houses stop using them, they feel the impact,” says Marcivan Barreto, the local co-ordinator. “You see people queuing up at 03:00 for food. I’m very worried that as the pandemic continues, a hungry father will start looting supermarkets. When you’re starving, despair hits.”

Argentina’s Misery Deepens in the Pandemic (NYT) Before the pandemic, Carla Huanca and her family were making modest but meaningful improvements to their cramped apartment in the slums of Buenos Aires. She was working as a hairstylist. Her partner was tending bar at a nightclub. Together, they were bringing home about 25,000 pesos ($270) a week — enough to add a second story to their home, creating extra space for their three boys. They were about to plaster the walls. “Then, everything closed,” said Ms. Huanca, 33. “We were left with nothing.” The global economic devastation that has accompanied Covid-19 has been especially stark in Argentina, a country that entered the pandemic deep in crisis. Its economy shrank nearly 10 percent in 2020, the third straight year of recession. The pandemic has accelerated an exodus of foreign investment, which has pushed down the value of the Argentine peso. That has increased the costs of imports like food and fertilizer, and kept the inflation rate above 40 percent. More than four in 10 Argentines are mired in poverty. Hanging over national life is an inevitable renegotiation later this year with the International Monetary Fund, an institution that Argentines widely detest for having imposed crippling budget austerity as part of a rescue package two decades ago.

Britcoin (Foreign Policy) The Bank of England is exploring whether to follow the lead of China in developing its own digital currency. The proposal, dubbed “Britcoin” by U.K. Finance Minister Rishi Sunak, is in early stages: A task force between the U.K. Treasury and Bank of England has been formed to investigate the viability of such a move. The European Central Bank said last week that it was also looking at electronic cash, but that implementation was years away.

A Quiet Arms Race Is Rapidly Heating Up Between the Two Koreas (NYT) Pride and jealousy have driven North and South Korea to engage in propaganda shouting matches and compete over who could build a taller flagpole on their border. Now that one-upmanship is intensifying a much more dangerous side of their rivalry: the arms race. Earlier this month, South Korea’s dream of building its own supersonic fighter jet was realized when it unveiled the KF-21, developed at a cost of $7.8 billion. The country also recently revealed plans to acquire dozens of new American combat helicopters. When President Moon Jae-in visited the Defense Ministry’s Agency for Defense Development last year, he said South Korea had “developed a short-range ballistic missile with one of the largest warheads in the world.” Unlike North Korea, the South lacks nuclear weapons. But in recent years the country has revved up its military spending, procuring American stealth jets and building increasingly powerful conventional missiles capable of targeting North Korean missile facilities and war bunkers. The impoverished North has used those moves to justify expanding its own arsenal, and has threatened to tip its short-range missiles with nuclear warheads and make them harder to intercept. Experts warn that the ensuing arms race between the two countries is jeopardizing the delicate balance of peace on the Korean Peninsula.

China Plans a Communist Birthday Bash (NYT) Movie theaters in China are being ordered to screen patriotic films with titles like “The Sacrifice” and “The Red Sun.” Elementary students in some cities are being told to create paintings and calligraphy extolling the “Chinese dream.” Buses and subways are broadcasting nationalistic messages about revolutionary heroes. China’s Communist Party is gearing up for a patriotic extravaganza to celebrate the 100th anniversary of its founding on July 1. Officials are going into overdrive to make sure commemorations go off without a hitch—and hammer home the message that the party alone can restore China to what Beijing considers the country’s rightful place as a global power. While much of the focus will be on the past, the party’s centenary will have significant repercussions for China’s future. The celebrations will give China’s top leader, Xi Jinping, a forum to present himself as a transformative figure on par with Mao Zedong and Deng Xiaoping. “We need to educate and guide the whole party to vigorously carry forward the red tradition,” Mr. Xi said during a recent conference call with political leaders about the centenary, according to People’s Daily, an official newspaper. Chinese officials, using the slogan “Follow the Party Forever,” are keen to trumpet China’s strength in a pandemic-ravaged world and justify the party’s increasingly tight grip on daily life in China.

Beijing’s control over Hong Kong (Washington Post) For a place that has been stripped of its democratic rights during a pandemic, some days in Hong Kong still feel routine. April 15, however, was not. That occasion, the first “National Security Education Day” since China imposed a tough security law in June, was the most visible display of Hong Kong’s fall from a relatively free, boisterous territory to an Orwellian place that resembles the repressive mainland. Directed at children and designed to rehabilitate the image of the Hong Kong Police Force, last week’s campaign showed how the authorities are enforcing a single narrative of the protests—meddlesome foreign forces stirring up trouble—and how no expense will be spared to fully integrate the financial center into China’s authoritarian system. The day started with flag-raising ceremonies at most schools and the singing of the Chinese national anthem, the “March of the Volunteers.” Many schools also organized national security puzzle games and asked students to write “wish cards” pledging support for the new security law—the resulting works resembling the message-covered “Lennon Walls” synonymous with the democracy movement. Hong Kong’s best legal minds continually tell me the law is a vague catchall, creating broadly worded crimes that could land people in jail for playing a song or uttering a slogan. They call the law “one of the greatest threats to human rights and the rule of law” in Hong Kong since the handover; it has already driven out thousands of people and led some companies, most notably the New York Times, to move employees elsewhere. Now, it was being portrayed to youngsters as something universal and observant of human rights. One elementary school teacher said her 10-year-old pupils can’t comprehend this nuance—and so have become part of a “brainwashing” campaign.

Hugs, tears as Australia-New Zealand travel bubble opens (AFP) Emotions ran high Monday as excited passengers set off on the first flights to take advantage of a quarantine-free travel bubble between Australia and New Zealand, allowing families split when borders closed almost 400 days ago to finally reunite. “(I’ll) yell, scream, cry, hug, kiss, (feel) happy—all of these emotions at once,” Denise O’Donoghue, 63, told AFP at Sydney airport as she prepared to board her flight. The arrangement means that for the first time since the pandemic closed borders worldwide, passengers can fly in either direction across the Tasman Sea without undergoing mandatory Covid-19 quarantine when they arrive. “It’s a very big day and exciting for families and friends,” said New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern, who hailed the success of both countries in containing the virus as a key factor in allowing the travel corridor.

Fleeing a Modern War, Syrians Seek Refuge in Ancient Ruins (NYT) AL-KFEIR, Syria—As the sun set, children in dirty clothes and battered shoes herded sheep past the towering stone walls of a Byzantine settlement abandoned more than 1,000 years ago, leading them into an ancient cave nearby where the animals would spend the night. Abu Ramadan, 38, said he cared little for the site’s history as a trading and agricultural center, but appreciated the sturdy walls that blunted the wind and the abundance of cut stones that a family who had lost everything could salvage to piece together a new life. “We built these from the ruins,” he said, pointing to a chicken coop and wood-burning stove. “We, too, have become ruins.” As Syria’s 10-year civil war has displaced millions of people, families like Abu Ramadan’s have sought refuge from a modern war behind the walls of dozens of ancient villages sprinkled across the hills of the country’s northwest, a region still out of the control of President Bashar al-Assad’s government. Since their original owners left them between the eighth and 10th centuries, these ruins have remained in remarkably good condition for more than 1,000 years, their stone structures largely withstanding the passing of empires and battering by the wind and rain. And many Syrians, with noplace else to go, have taken refuge in them.

President of Chad Is Killed as Soldiers Clash With Rebels (NYT) Gunshots rang out in the capital of Chad Monday night into early Tuesday morning as supporters of the president, Idriss Déby, fired in the air celebrating the announcement that after three decades of iron-fisted rule, he had just won a sixth term. Meanwhile, Mr. Déby was dying on a battlefield north of the capital, Ndjamena, of wounds sustained while fighting rebels trying to overthrow his government, his military generals said. His death was announced on Tuesday. The death of Mr. Déby, who brooked no dissent and was feared by his own people, could spark a battle for succession and leave a gaping hole in a country heavily relied upon by the West in its wars against Islamist extremists in West and Central Africa. Chad is a desert nation three times the size of California, surrounded on all sides by countries facing serious instability, like Libya, to the north, and Nigeria to the south. Its military forces have been key to both the war in the Sahel, a vast stretch of territory to the south of the Sahara, and the fight against Boko Haram and its splinter groups in the Lake Chad region.

Home accidents (WSJ) The scars of 2020 are in some cases quite literal: A study published in Injury Epidemiology found that 26 percent of about 2,000 respondents surveyed between March and June 2020 reported a household injury, up from a 2017 version of the same survey where 14 percent reported one in the preceding three months. New hobbies, home improvement projects, at-home exercise routines, all the random things people did to divert their attention in the inaugural months of the pandemic in some cases came back to bite them. I, for one, learned a valuable lesson about the melting point of solder vs. the melting point of thumbs over the summer that I would not care to repeat.

[ramshacklefey]

Augusta

“We don’t really have a lot of use for heroes in a town like Augusta. No alien attacks or extra-dimensional portals. We’ve never even had a demon-summoning cult, just the Hutterites, and they’re good people. There’s not much here if you don’t count the time the Wallace cousins set Mary White’s barn on fire. But that family’s just a bad bunch.

“Anyway the heroes are all city-people. Captain America might’ve grown up in Queens, but he doesn’t know shit about bucking hay-bales in mid-August, and he probably can’t drive a combine as good as me. I’d love to see Tony Stark out here sweating and cursing like my dad when a tractor breaks down, getting one of his fancy suits dirty for once.

“Course, to hear Pastor Mike talk, you’d think all the heroes were Satanists or something. You should’ve heard him last summer after the Avengers went to that gay pride parade in New York, when Captain America had the rainbow shield.

“I guess in some way, I was lucky I grew up in Augusta. Mother named me Jolene, like the song, and I’d probably have hated it just for that. I heard that song way too many times.

“The whole town is just the one street where the bar and general store are. And the old dinner club, but that’s been closed since Rita passed. She was such a wonderful person. But in a place that small, everybody thought it was cute when I was ten and cut all my hair off and refused to wear anything but boys’ flannels. We don’t really have lesbians in Augusta, so nobody thought it was weird.

“I was just one of the tomboys. There’s always a couple of us, running around with the boys, learning to shoot and smoke and play football. But it was never enough, you know? Especially when I was in ninth grade and suddenly the boys shot up and started getting muscles and beards. I mean, I started filling out too, but not really in the right places.

“I went to homecoming that year with Tommy Sykes, who was a senior and really cute. After the dance we had sex in his truck, and he said he wanted me to be his girl, and I guess it was nice, and I even think I wanted it? But it felt awful, even though he was gentle. It didn’t hurt or anything, it just felt awful.

“Me and Tommy dated my whole time in high school, while he was working nights at the plant. We kept having sex, and I found out there was stuff I liked doing, so we did that stuff mostly.

“Dating Tommy let me keep hanging out with the boys, which most of the tomboys grew out of around then. But they couldn’t spit tobacco juice farther than anyone else. So.

“Senior year came, and Grace McKinnon shaved off half her hair in September and said she was a lesbian. Two weeks later, her folks packed her off to this retreat out in the mountains past where the Hutterites live. We all kinda knew what was going to happen there, but none of us kids really knew how to talk about it. Lizzy Blaine got really quiet after that, and a few weeks later she disappeared. They found her body on the rez a month later.

“And then I found this blog. It was about a… a guy. But he’d been a girl at first… or everyone though he was, because he was born looking like one. I’d never heard the word transgender before, except sometimes on the news. But he was talking about how he figured out he was a boy and it was like somebody was talking about me… so I looked some more, and the more I looked, the more I knew I was a boy. And then… well… when I was with Tommy, I started thinking about what it’d be like to do all the things we did, but kinda the other way around, if you know what I- right, sorry.

“Anyway, it was round about Thanksgiving when I realized that if I was a boy, that meant I was also gay. And Tommy’s a great guy, but he’s not gay. I started feeling guiltier and guiltier every time we had sex.

“On Christmas Eve, Tommy asked me to marry him. And I - it was at my folks’ place and everyone was there - and I just started bawling and blurted everything out. How I couldn’t marry him because I’m a boy and probably a lot of other stuff that my folks never wanted to hear.

“It’s been two months since that. Tommy said he still loves me, but everybody told me I was sick, needed a doctor and the pastor. I went to see both of them, but nothing helped. I prayed and fasted, I tried psychology… but it didn’t change me. I know what I am.

“Yesterday Mom came back from church with this flyer from Pastor Mike. For the retreat where they sent Grace. She said they’d help me there. But Grace never came back. And I’m only 17, won’t be 18 til July. I told Mom what those places really are, but she said… she said that’s better than hellfire...”

Joey stopped talking at last, staring blankly at the woodstove while tears dripped off his chin into the cup of coffee he still clutched.

Outside the windows of the bunkhouse, snow was hurling itself sideways, and the wind whistled mournfully in the chimney. The other man stared out the window for a long time before he said, “So you ran away to die in a Montana blizzard.”

Joey laughed weakly and wiped his face on the corner of the wool blanket draped around his shoulders. “I wasn’t planning on the blizzard,” he admitted, “You saw how well I was packed. I was gonna hitch to Missoula and then buy a Greyhound ticket to somewhere. Maybe Seattle or San Francisco.”

Another silence. Joey studied the man who had hauled him out of a snowbank less than an hour ago. He was thick-chested and thick-armed, with an old cowboy’s bow-legged gait. His black hair was swept back into an old-fashioned greasy style that made points above his ears, and he sported heavy sideburns.

He was also short as hell, Joey thought. If he were standing, the man would’ve barely come up to his chin, and Joey himself was only five-foot-seven.

“It’s a good thing I found you then,” the man said at last, “I can probably save you the bus ticket, if you wanna come with me a piece.”

“Where’re you going?” Joey asked warily.

“East,” said the man, “upstate New York eventually, but I got a couple stops more on the way. Not where you were planning on, but it’s a free ride.”

“Why do you wanna help me?”

The man shrugged.

“You need help,” he said, “I got an empty seat in the truck. I don’t much like kids, or company, but I can make sure you get someplace safer than an alley in ‘Frisco.”

“Where’s that?”

“School,” he said, “For kids who’re different. I work for them. Sorta. You’re not the kind of different they specialize in, but the principal’s an old friend. He’ll take you, once we explain. And they might even be able to help. Really help, not whatever the dumbasses here were trying to do.”

Joey snorted and said, “I’m not a great student. And a private school like that’s gonna be pretty spendy.”

“Just come see it,” said the man, “If it doesn’t work for you, I’ll take you anywhere else you want. But come look.”

Joey rolled his eyes, but really… it wasn’t like he had a better plan.

“Fine,” he said, “but really, why do you care so much, mister… what’s your name, anyway?”

“Name’s Logan,” he growled, “And I care because you and me, we got a lot more in common than you realize.”

[inloveandwords]

Happy Almost-February everyone!

It’s time for another one of my TBRs which is really just a ‘suggested list of books I may or may not read,’ because I’m such a moody reader.

This month I’m planning on participating in Contemporaryathon, so I’m going to include that TBR here, too.

Contemporaryathon Round 6 Info

Dates: 2/10 – 2/16

Hosts:

Chelsea from Chelseadolling Reads

Julie from Pages and Pens

Natasha from MyReadingisOdd

Challenges:

read a contemporary book with green on the cover

read a contemporary from a new to you author

read a diverse contemporary (keeping in mind that it is Black History Month!)

read a backlist contemporary (something that has been on your TBR for over a year)

 read a dark/hard-hitting contemporary

 read a contemporary with an illustrated cover

read a contemporary that is beloved by a member of the book community (and shout out the creator!)

Books I’m Hoping to Read:

Credence by Penelope Douglas / book with green on the cover I keep seeing this book around and the hype has absolutely gotten to me. I’m dying to read it and it’s on Kindle Unlimited!

Tiernan de Haas doesn’t care about anything anymore. The only child of a film producer and his starlet wife, she’s grown up with wealth and privilege but not love or guidance. Shipped off to boarding schools from an early age, it was still impossible to escape the loneliness and carve out a life of her own. The shadow of her parents’ fame followed her everywhere.

And when they suddenly pass away, she knows she should be devastated. But has anything really changed? She’s always been alone, hasn’t she?

Jake Van der Berg, her father’s stepbrother and her only living relative, assumes guardianship of Tiernan who is still two months shy of eighteen. Sent to live with him and his two sons, Noah and Kaleb, in the mountains of Colorado, Tiernan soon learns that these men now have a say in what she chooses to care and not care about anymore. As the three of them take her under their wing, teach her to work and survive in the remote woods far away from the rest of the world, she slowly finds her place among them.

And as a part of them.

She also realizes that lines blur and rules become easy to break when no one else is watching.

One of them has her.

The other one wants her.

But he…

He’s going to keep her.

Thirty Day Boyfriend by Whitney G. / new-to-you author This is one I have on my Audible Escape wishlist. It’s only a couple hours long, so it’s perfect for a readathon. I’ve also never read anything by this author, so it works for the prompt.

I should’ve never agreed to this arrangement…

Thirty days ago, my boss—Mr. Wolf of Wall Street, came to me with an offer I couldn’t refuse: Sign my name on the dotted line and pretend to be his fiancée for one month. If I agreed, he would let me out of my employment contract with a “very generous” severance package.

The rules were pretty simple: No intimate kissing, no actual sex. Just pretend to love each other for the press, even though I’ve secretly wanted to knock that sexy smirk off his face since the first day we met.

I definitely didn’t need to think twice about this. I signed my name and started counting down the seconds to when I would never have to deal with his special brand of ass-holery again.

I only made it to one minute…

We argued the entire four-hour flight to his hometown, failed to make a convincing impression with the welcoming press, and right when I was about to knock that arrogant look off his face in real life? He purposely dropped his bath towel in front of me, distracting me with his nine-inch cock to “show me who the bigger person was” in our relationship. Then he gave me his trademark smirk once again and asked if I wanted to consummate our marriage.

Tragically, this is only day one. We still have 29 more days to go…

Behind the Bars (Music Street #1) by Brittainy C. Cherry / diverse contemporary I’ve been absolutely obsessed with Brittainy C. Cherry lately after discovering her last month. I’m determined to read her backlist and this one just happens to be on Audible Escape!

When I first met Jasmine Greene, she came in as raindrops.

I was the awkward musician, and she was the high school queen. The only things we had in common were our music and our loneliness.

Something in her eyes told me her smile wasn’t always the truth. Something in her voice gave me a hope I always wished to find. And in a flash, she was gone.

Years later, she was standing in front of me on a street in New Orleans. She was different, but so was I. Life made us colder. Harder. Isolated.

Caged.

Even though we were different, the broken pieces of me recognized the sadness in her. Now she was back, and I wouldn’t make the mistake of letting her go again.

When I first met Jasmine Greene, she came in as raindrops. When we met again, I became her darkest storm.

The Infatuation (The Josh & Kat Trilogy #1) by Lauren Rowe / backlist book I actually can’t believe I haven’t read this trilogy yet because I’ve been dying to hear this couple’s story. Just in time for the Reed Rivers Trilogy coming out in Feb.

It’s a war of wills between stubborn and sexy Josh Faraday and Kat Morgan. A fight to the bed. Arrogant, wealthy playboy Josh is used to getting what he wants. And what he wants is Kat Morgan.

The minute Josh Faraday meets feisty, vivacious Kat Morgan, he wants her. Not for a relationship, of course. He doesn’t do those. He wants her in his bed. But, to his shock and extreme frustration, Kat won’t play by Josh’s rules like all the others. No, this stubborn woman declares she won’t so much as kiss Josh until he divulges some highly personal information . . . But it’s something Josh has never told anyone, and won’t be telling Kat. Not over his dead body, no matter how gorgeous and sexy she is.

But the chemistry between the pair is explosive, scorching hot electricity like nothing he’s felt before. Oh, God, he’s got to get a taste. He figures all he has to do is wear the sexy woman down with is patented “playboy razzle dazzle”—show her the hotness she’s missing out on and she’ll cave, like all the rest . . . The only problem with that strategy? It’s Kat’s strategy, too: she plans to wear Josh down and get what she wants by showing him the hotness he’s missing out on.

It’s a war of wills. A match to the bed. Who will crack first? And when they do, will either of their hearts be on the line?

Disgrace by Brittainy C. Cherry / hard-hitting contemporary Brittainy is known for writing hard-hitting books, and I’m sure this one will be no different.

Each day I prayed for my husband to love me again.

After fifteen years together, he walked away from me, and into the arms of another.

I didn’t know how to cope. I didn’t know my worth. I didn’t know how to exist without him by my side.

All I wanted was for him to come back to me.

Then, Jackson Emery appeared.

He was supposed to be a distraction for my mind. A summer fling. A confidence boost to my bruised heart.

We were perfect for one another, because we both knew we wouldn’t last. Jackson didn’t believe in commitment, and I no longer believed in love. He was too closed-off for me, and I was too damaged for him.

Everything was fine, until one night my heart skipped a beat.

I didn’t expect him to make me laugh. To make me think. To make my sadness somewhat disappear.

When our time was up, my heart didn’t know how to walk away.

Each day I prayed for my husband to love me again, yet slowly my prayers began to shift toward the man who wasn’t right for me.

I prayed for one more smile, one more kiss, one more laugh, one more touch…

I prayed for him to be mine.

Even though I knew his heart wasn’t destined to love.

Get a Life Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert / illustrated cover This has been sitting on my Kindle, haunting me as I hear everyone rave about it and I’m excited to get to it ASAP! I’m really looking forward to the chronic illness rep as well.

Chloe Brown is a chronically ill computer geek with a goal, a plan, and a list. After almost—but not quite—dying, she’s come up with seven directives to help her “Get a Life”, and she’s already completed the first: finally moving out of her glamourous family’s mansion. The next items?

Enjoy a drunken night out. Ride a motorcycle. Go camping. Have meaningless but thoroughly enjoyable sex. Travel the world with nothing but hand luggage. And… do something bad. But it’s not easy being bad, even when you’ve written step-by-step guidelines on how to do it correctly. What Chloe needs is a teacher, and she knows just the man for the job.

Redford ‘Red’ Morgan is a handyman with tattoos, a motorcycle, and more sex appeal than ten-thousand Hollywood heartthrobs. He’s also an artist who paints at night and hides his work in the light of day, which Chloe knows because she spies on him occasionally. Just the teeniest, tiniest bit.

But when she enlists Red in her mission to rebel, she learns things about him that no spy session could teach her. Like why he clearly resents Chloe’s wealthy background. And why he never shows his art to anyone. And what really lies beneath his rough exterior…

The Bromance Book Club (Bromance Book Club #1) by Lyssa Kay Adams / loved by a member of the book community It’s not just one member of the book community that has been raving about this book, I’ve heard SO many people gush about it and I’m so excited to pick it up!

The first rule of book club: You don’t talk about book club.

Nashville Legends second baseman Gavin Scott’s marriage is in major league trouble. He’s recently discovered a humiliating secret: his wife Thea has always faked the Big O. When he loses his cool at the revelation, it’s the final straw on their already strained relationship. Thea asks for a divorce, and Gavin realizes he’s let his pride and fear get the better of him.

Welcome to the Bromance Book Club.

Distraught and desperate, Gavin finds help from an unlikely source: a secret romance book club made up of Nashville’s top alpha men. With the help of their current read, a steamy Regency titled Courting the Countess, the guys coach Gavin on saving his marriage. But it’ll take a lot more than flowery words and grand gestures for this hapless Romeo to find his inner hero and win back the trust of his wife.

  Here are the non-readathon books I’m hoping to read this month:

Rage (Stormheart #2) by Cora Carmack I finished Roar, the first book in this series in January and this book happens to be on Audible Escape, so I’m planning on finishing it.

Princess or adventurer.

Duty or freedom.

Her Kingdom or the Stormhunter she loves.

If Aurora knows anything, it’s that choices have consequences. To set things right, she joins a growing revolution on the streets of Pavan.

In disguise as the rebel Roar, she puts her knowledge of the palace to use to aid the rebellion. But the Rage season is at its peak and not a day passes without the skies raining down destruction. Yet these storms are different—they churn with darkness, and attack with a will that’s desperate and violent.

This feels like more than rage.

It feels like war.

  Call it What You Want by Brigid Kemmerer After reading and falling in love with the first two books in her Cursebreakers series, I decided I really want to give her contemporaries a try!

When his dad is caught embezzling funds from half the town, Rob goes from popular lacrosse player to social pariah. Even worse, his father’s failed suicide attempt leaves Rob and his mother responsible for his care.

Everyone thinks of Maegan as a typical overachiever, but she has a secret of her own after the pressure got to her last year. And when her sister comes home from college pregnant, keeping it from her parents might be more than she can handle.

When Rob and Maegan are paired together for a calculus project, they’re both reluctant to let anyone through the walls they’ve built. But when Maegan learns of Rob’s plan to fix the damage caused by his father, it could ruin more than their fragile new friendship…

This captivating, heartfelt novel asks the question: Is it okay to do something wrong for the right reasons?

  Bringing Down the Duke (A League of Extraordinary Women #1) by Evie Dunmore I’ve heard so many good things about this book – particularly that it is great for people who don’t normally read historical romance. I also happened to get it as my Book of the Month book in Jan.

A stunning debut for author Evie Dunmore and her Oxford Rebels, in which a fiercely independent vicar’s daughter takes on a duke in a fiery love story that threatens to upend the British social order.

England, 1879. Annabelle Archer, the brilliant but destitute daughter of a country vicar, has earned herself a place among the first cohort of female students at the renowned University of Oxford. In return for her scholarship, she must support the rising women’s suffrage movement. Her charge: recruit men of influence to champion their cause. Her target: Sebastian Devereux, the cold and calculating Duke of Montgomery who steers Britain’s politics at the Queen’s command. Her challenge: not to give in to the powerful attraction she can’t deny for the man who opposes everything she stands for.

Sebastian is appalled to find a suffragist squad has infiltrated his ducal home, but the real threat is his impossible feelings for green-eyed beauty Annabelle. He is looking for a wife of equal standing to secure the legacy he has worked so hard to rebuild, not an outspoken commoner who could never be his duchess. But he wouldn’t be the greatest strategist of the Kingdom if he couldn’t claim this alluring bluestocking without the promise of a ring…or could he?

Locked in a battle with rising passion and a will matching her own, Annabelle will learn just what it takes to topple a duke….

  Hunted by Meagan Spooner I feel like I keep almost reading this book, but never quite do. It’s a beauty and the beast retelling and I am always here for those.

Beauty knows the Beast’s forest in her bones—and in her blood. Though she grew up with the city’s highest aristocrats, far from her father’s old lodge, she knows that the forest holds secrets and that her father is the only hunter who’s ever come close to discovering them.

So when her father loses his fortune and moves Yeva and her sisters back to the outskirts of town, Yeva is secretly relieved. Out in the wilderness, there’s no pressure to make idle chatter with vapid baronessas…or to submit to marrying a wealthy gentleman. But Yeva’s father’s misfortune may have cost him his mind, and when he goes missing in the woods, Yeva sets her sights on one prey: the creature he’d been obsessively tracking just before his disappearance.

Deaf to her sisters’ protests, Yeva hunts this strange Beast back into his own territory—a cursed valley, a ruined castle, and a world of creatures that Yeva’s only heard about in fairy tales. A world that can bring her ruin or salvation. Who will survive: the Beauty, or the Beast?

  The Beginning of Everything (The Rising #1)  by Kristen Ashley This is a full-cast narration that I am SO excited for. It’s available on Audible Escape.

From the unparalleled imagination of New York Times best-selling author Kristen Ashley comes an enchanting new audio-first fantasy romance series that will sweep you away!

Once upon a time, in a parallel universe, there existed the continent of Triton. The land was filled with beauty, but it was also splintered by war. Out of the chaos grew a conspiracy to reawaken the Beast, a fearsome creature who wrought only tragedy and devastation. The only way to stop him was to fulfill an ancient prophecy: Triton’s four strongest warriors must wed its four most powerful witches, binding all nations together and finally bringing peace to the land.

This is the story of their unions: the quiet maiden Silence and the savage king Mars. The cold warrior Cassius and the fiery witch Elena. The steadfast soldier True and the banished beauty Farah. And the pirate king Aramus and the mysterious queen Ha-Lah. Their unions will not be easy, but each couple must succeed, for the fate of their world is at stake….

  One True Loves by Taylor Jenkins Reid It’s been a while since I’ve sat down with a Taylor Jenkins Reid novel and this is one of her backlists that a friend of mine recommended.

In her twenties, Emma Blair marries her high school sweetheart, Jesse. They build a life for themselves, far away from the expectations of their parents and the people of their hometown in Massachusetts. They travel the world together, living life to the fullest and seizing every opportunity for adventure.

On their first wedding anniversary, Jesse is on a helicopter over the Pacific when it goes missing. Just like that, Jesse is gone forever.

Emma quits her job and moves home in an effort to put her life back together. Years later, now in her thirties, Emma runs into an old friend, Sam, and finds herself falling in love again. When Emma and Sam get engaged, it feels like Emma’s second chance at happiness.

That is, until Jesse is found. He’s alive, and he’s been trying all these years to come home to her. With a husband and a fiancé, Emma has to now figure out who she is and what she wants, while trying to protect the ones she loves.

Who is her one true love? What does it mean to love truly?

Emma knows she has to listen to her heart. She’s just not sure what it’s saying.

  Heartbreak Warfare by Heather M. Oregeron, Kate Stewart I picked this book up at the recommendation of many people who attended Shameless Book Con, and I’ve heard others talk about it as well. It’s supposed to be super emotional, so if I’m feeling like that kind of romance, I’ll be reaching for this one.

Briggs,

Remember when we parted ways in Germany? It was the day I broke your heart. What you didn’t know was that I was breaking mine too.

I thought they’d be enough–my husband and my son. That I’d get home and everything would go back to the way it was . . .

Before the war. Before the ambush. Before you.

But, no matter how hard I try, I can’t erase the trauma we shared. I can’t seem to forget the way my heart beat in time with yours.

The truth is I’m lost without you.

I thought the nightmare was over when they pulled us from that hole in the ground, but nothing could have prepared me for the war I’d face at home. I know it’s selfish of me to ask, but, please, I have to see you one last time. . .

All my love, Scottie

  The Right Swipe (Modern Love #1) by Alisha Rai I’ve heard a lot of good things about this and I found it on Scribd!

Alisha Rai returns with the first book in her sizzling new Modern Love series, in which two rival dating app creators find themselves at odds in the boardroom but in sync in the bedroom.

Rhiannon Hunter may have revolutionized romance in the digital world, but in real life she only swipes right on her career—and the occasional hookup. The cynical dating app creator controls her love life with a few key rules:

– Nude pics are by invitation only

– If someone stands you up, block them with extreme prejudice

– Protect your heart

Only there aren’t any rules to govern her attraction to her newest match, former pro-football player Samson Lima. The sexy and seemingly sweet hunk woos her one magical night… and disappears.

Rhi thought she’d buried her hurt over Samson ghosting her, until he suddenly surfaces months later, still big, still beautiful—and in league with a business rival. He says he won’t fumble their second chance, but she’s wary. A temporary physical partnership is one thing, but a merger of hearts? Surely that’s too high a risk…

  Passion of Park Ave by Lauren Layne Lauren wrote my all-time favorite Friends-to-Lovers romance: Blurred Lines and everyone has been raving about this series. It’s available on Scribd!

From the author of the New York Times bestselling Stiletto and Oxford series, the first in a sizzling new series following the unlikely friendship of three Upper East Side women as they struggle to achieve their dreams and find true love and happiness in the city that never sleeps.

For as long as she can remember, Bronx-born Naomi Powell has had one goal: to prove her worth among the Upper East Side elite—the same people for which her mom worked as a housekeeper. Now, as the strongminded, sassy CEO of one of the biggest jewelry empires in the country, Naomi finally has exactly what she wants—but it’s going to take more than just the right address to make Manhattan’s upper class stop treating her like an outsider.

The worst offender is her new neighbor, Oliver Cunningham—the grown son of the very family Naomi’s mother used to work for. Oliver used to torment Naomi when they were children, and as a ridiculously attractive adult, he’s tormenting her in entirely different ways. Now they find themselves engaged in a battle-of-wills that will either consume or destroy them…

Filled with charm and heart and plenty of sex and snark, this entertaining series will hook you from the very first page.

  Love from A to Z by S. K. Ali Not gonna lie, I’m a little scared to read this one because there is Multiple Sclerosis rep in it that is supposed to be pretty heartbreaking, and I’m not sure if I can’t quite handle it, but we’ll see.

A marvel: something you find amazing. Even ordinary-amazing. Like potatoes—because they make French fries happen. Like the perfect fries Adam and his mom used to make together.

An oddity: whatever gives you pause. Like the fact that there are hateful people in the world. Like Zayneb’s teacher, who won’t stop reminding the class how “bad” Muslims are.

But Zayneb, the only Muslim in class, isn’t bad. She’s angry.

When she gets suspended for confronting her teacher, and he begins investigating her activist friends, Zayneb heads to her aunt’s house in Doha, Qatar, for an early start to spring break.

Fueled by the guilt of getting her friends in trouble, she resolves to try out a newer, “nicer” version of herself in a place where no one knows her.

Then her path crosses with Adam’s.

Since he got diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in November, Adam’s stopped going to classes, intent, instead, on perfecting the making of things. Intent on keeping the memory of his mom alive for his little sister.

Adam’s also intent on keeping his diagnosis a secret from his grieving father.

Alone, Adam and Zayneb are playing roles for others, keeping their real thoughts locked away in their journals.

Until a marvel and an oddity occurs…

Marvel: Adam and Zayneb meeting.

Oddity: Adam and Zayneb meeting.

        February TBR/Reading List: including #contemporaryathon picks! Happy Almost-February everyone! It's time for another one of my TBRs which is really just a 'suggested list of books I may or may not read,' because I'm such a moody reader.

[fanfictionandstuff]

Secrets- Riverdale X Reader Chapter 4- The Last Picture Show

Fandom: Riverdale   

Warnings: Ms. Grundy and the clusterfuck that comes with that...<<also swearing apparently. 

notes: yikes ive been inactive for forever jfc oops SORRY!

word count: 3,500 (ish)

You woke up on the soft and worn blue fabric of your living room couch the soft evening light filtering through the window. Your phone was blasting your moms ringtone and her smiling face lighting up the screen. You groggily picked up the phone and hit the green 'answer' button 

"hey mom" you mumble still not 100% awake, you were not prepared for her this soon after waking up.

"Hey sweetie, how are you?" she greeted you chirpily, you groaned internally she wanted something 'sweetie' was a dead giveaway.

"I'm fine mom." you replied, sighing internally you just wanted her to get to whatever she wanted.

"Good, thats good...so I heard they found Jason Blossoms body...Sweetheart, I know it might be tempting to tell someone about your...ties to that family. But remember, you'll be ruining both our lives." your moms voice was almost happy and carefree, but there was definite worry under it, finally her reason for calling became clear.

Its not that your mom was a bad parent, but she was flighty and a bit self centered if it didn't suit her it wasn't an option and it had always been like that. When you were 12 she had left you for a month with a babysitter and gone to Rome for work. She tried she really did but she wasn't cut out for kids, honestly if you hadn't come along by accident your mother probably wouldn't have had kids. She was like the professional fun aunt, she was less flighty when you were a kid but something had changed when you were old enough to (kind of) take care of yourself and that was that. It stung a bit when it had first started happening but now you were just tired when it came to your mother.

"no mom. I haven't told anyone. I know the consequences."

"Good! lets keep it that way pumpkin, the Blossoms aren’t people you want to get mixed up with." she sighed with relief. 'pumpkin' was new. 

"Are you coming home soon?" you asked, knowing better than to ask about her comment about the Blossoms you didn't ask about your father and she didn't tell, you had learned that one young.

She breezed past your question. "I have to go (y/n), talk later!" and she hung up before you could even say goodbye. You hit the end call button and threw it at the foot of the couch, and covered your face with one of the navy throw pillows in a form of protest against everything.

You glanced at the wall clock and realized it was almost 6pm, and you were starving so you changed into fresh clothes grabbed your backpack and slipped out the front door. Locking it behind you and walked the few blocks to pops, the neon signs greeting you as you approached.

You walked through the door to find some of your friends already sitting there. Jughead was gesturing angrily as you grabbed a chair from a nearby table and pulled it up. "The Drive-in closing, its just one more nail in the coffin that is Riverdale! No. forget Riverdale. in the coffin of the american dream." Jughead was ranting, he was still doing the angry gesture thing outrage in his every word. "As the godfather of indie cinema,  Quentin Tarintino, likes to say--"

Kevin cut him off. "please, god, no more Quentin Tarintino references." "What? Im pissed. And not just about losing my job The Twilight drive in should MEAN something to us, people should be trying to save it!" Jughead continued his mini rant.

Veronica was next to chime in, "In this age of Netflix and VOD, do people really want to go watch a movie in a car? who even goes there?" “People who want to buy crack" Kevin added. 

"And cinephiles and car enthusiasts--" Jughead started listing off people who go to the twilight and you were the one to cut him off this time.

"I go." you chimed in, you had been a bunch of times when the house got too empty or you felt too isolated. You would take the old beat up pick-up from the garage and go to The Twilight. Just to be around people for awhile, and not have to worry about oversharing. considering everyone in the freaking town only wanted to gossip about the blossoms and Jasons murder.

"See (y/n) gets it! The Twilight drive in is a riverdale treasure, right Bets?" Jughead gestured at you and then turned to a very distracted Betty. She blinked a few times before nodded and smiling politely. "Totally."

"Anyway, its closing because the town owns it but didn't invest in it. so when an anonymous buyer made mayor McCoy an offer she couldn't refuse--" Veronica cut Jughead off again. "Anonymous buyer? What do they have to hide, No one cares." "I do!" Jughead retorted.

"I kind of do too, well more about the drive in closing than the person who bought it. I wont--" have anywhere to go when I cant deal with the big empty house.  "--I spend alot of time there." you catch yourself mid-thought. Jughead gives you that weird stare again like the first time you met in the gym. the weird 'I’m trying to figure you out not just looking at you' stare, after you chime in, and veronica and Kevin gave you half-hearted looks of curiosity.

Jughead breezed past it though. "Also, you guys should all come to closing night, Im thinking 'American Graffiti'. or is that too obvious?"

Veronica perked up at the slight topic change. "I vote anything starring Audrey Hepburn. Or Cate Blanchett." "Or the talented Mr.Ripley." Kevin added. "Betty, your choices?" Betty blinked like she had just woken up. "Everything OK, B?" Veronica asked. "Yeah, yeah. Im just thinking. um....Maybe 'Rebel without a cause?'" Everyone looked at you next, and you shrugged helplessly. "Rebel without a cause sounds good to me."

Veronicas mom came over and set down a basket of fried something or other in front of Veronica. Veronica smiled. "Thanks mom."

Kevin opened his mouth to bring up a new topic but was cut off by cheryl slamming her hand on top of Veronicas mothers a few tables over and glaring at her. "Be sure to put all* of that cash in the register. You are a Lodge, after all--" Veronica got up and started towards Cheryls table. "--and Lodges are known to have sticky fingers."

"oh no" you whispered under your breath. this had the possibility to be bad. "Cheryl." Veronica stated warningly, but her mother put up a finger to stop her.

"Honey I got this. Cheryl, I went to school with your mother. She didnt know the difference between having money and having class either." Veronica practically beamed with pride, while you tried to suppress a laugh at the look on Cheryls face. Veronica slid back into the booth just as the chime on the door jingled. 

Kevins eyes widened slightly, "now thats* an odd combo of people."  

The four of you followed kevins gaze and saw Archie, ms. Grundy, and Archies father walk through the door. "Ill be right back." Betty said while sliding out of the booth.

"Betty, no. dont." Jughead grabbed for Bettys arm but she was already on her way over to the group. You stared in confusion at Jughead and Bettys strong reaction to Archie and Ms.Grundy walking in together. She seemed nice enough, you didnt take any of her classes and didn't know her well you only really knew what Doily had revealed at the blue and Gold office. And then it clicked Archie had been AT Sweetwater river July fourth, and from what Dilton had told you so had Ms. Grundy, but you had never considered they were there together, that was so...oh god.

From the look of horror or shock on your face, Jughead seemed to follow your thought process and shot you a 'I'll explain later' look.

Kevin leaned back into his face his gaze flicking between you, Jughead, and Bettys retreating figure. "Wait, whats happening?" You and Jughead ignored him as you watched Betty and Archie exchange a few words and then head outside. You slid into Bettys now vacant seat next to Jughead to get a better view out the window. This was all about to come crashing down around Archies head, and like watching a trainwreck you couldnt look away. Even as unease and disgust was causing your stomach to flip.

"Whats happening out there? Do we know? Is it about me?" Veronica shot off rapid fire questions at Jughead as Kevin peered out the window. Jughead slumped down in his seat, his face contorted into unease. "I have a strong inkling and no, Also I'd let it go." "Yes, but you're you, and I'm me. You do you, girl. Ill be back." Veronica said while getting up from the booth with a lighthearted smile. "Veronica. You really should just let it drop." You added in an attempt to stop her from going.

Veronica just smiled at you mischievously and walked out the door into the parking lot. Jughead sighed and rolled his eyes. Kevin leaned in and looked at Jughead, "What was it like before she got here? I honestly cannot remember."

You laughed lightly, a slight hint of darkness clouding your eyes. "You mean Riverdale wasn't always straight out of a soap opera? Somehow I find that hard to believe." your words were dripping with sarcasm and a hint of bitterness.

Kevin just smiled awkwardly and turned his attention back to the window. You closed your eyes and leaned back into the vinyl of the seat and let out a long sigh. You were torn between just fleeing this insane town ASAP or punching Ms. Grundy in the face...or maybe just having her arrested...and then punching Archie in the face for once again being an idiot. All options sounded pretty good. When you opened your eyes Kevin was gone and Jughead was staring at you. "I'm not going to rat Archie out, Jughead. If thats what you're worried about somehow I think that would just hurt everyone worse." you offered quietly while switching to the other side of the booth.

"I wasn't worried about that. you just looked queasy." he replied. You sighed and ruffled a hand through your hair. "Student-teacher relationships Jughead. its sick. I know Archie is your friend, But its so, so,* wrong. And its all just about to get worse as far as I can tell." Jughead nodded and dropped his gaze down to the table. you grabbed a pen from the table and flicked it back and forth between your fingers, watching absentmindedly while it spun. An uneasy silence filled the air around the booth. "do you mind? if...if I hang out here for awhile longer? I dont want to go home yet." you asked quiety, your gaze on a small dent in the table. Jughead smiled, "As long as youre buying." he joked.

you grinned, "Paying you in food to hang out. its a little hookerish, but you have a deal Jones."

You grabbed your sketchbook that you had thrown in your backpack, and Jughead pulled out his laptop from his bag under the table. You both spent the next few hours in a comfortable silence, only talking occasionally to order a refill on a milkshake or get another round of food. At around 1am you finally had to tap out, your eyes were starting to close by themselves and it was getting harder for you to stay awake. You packed up your belongings and slipped on your jacket, Jughead looked up from his laptop. "Hey Jughead, I'm gonna head home now. My goldfish probably misses me." you smiled sleepily at your own semi-joke.

"Your goldfish, and not your parents?" Jughead asked. which would be a fair question, not many people would let their kid stay out so late.

"My goldfish is the only one missing me at home." you said quietly, your gaze averting from his. Jughead shut his laptop, before slipping it back into his bag.

"I know the feeling" Jughead said softly, his eyes cold. You didnt pry, it was obviously a touchy subject. So you grabbed your backpack and paid the tab the two of you had racked up shaking off the heavy tension, and headed towards the door, but Jugheads voice stopped you. "See you at school tomorrow (y/n)?" You smiled at him, "Count on it."

The next morning as you walked past the blue and gold offices an arm shot out and pulled you into the room. You stumbled and twirled around to see a nervous Betty wringing her hands, and waiting for you to get your bearings. "Betty! what the hell?" you said annoyed.

Betty looked around nervously before closing the door, "Sorry (y/n) I just need your help with something. I have something to tell you about Ms. Grundy and its--"

"That she and Archie are...dating?" you cut Betty off, cringing at the last word. She gaped at you, "You know about that?" You nodded, "I figured it out at pops the other night...wait, about that, is there something else?"

Betty walked over to her computer and gestured for you to follow, "Yeah look at this-" Betty pulled up a Bunch of tabs, all different social media accounts of Geraldine Grundy. "-everything about her was made around the same time, a year ago. before that Geraldine Grundy doesn't exist."

"...shit. Does Archie know?" you asked as ran a hand through your hair, sighing loudly..

"No. Im meeting him at Pops after school, I'm going to tell him then." Betty replied.

"Betty why are you telling me this?" "I just wanted a impartial third party to confirm that I wasn't being totally crazy about this social media thing." Betty said.

"Look Betty its super sketchy, but be careful. This whole Archie and Grundy bullshit is going to come crashing down Don’t get caught in the mess."

Later that day, you were sitting at the kitchen table working on biology homework when a knock sounded at your front door. You stood up from the wooden chair with a sigh and padded across the tiled kitchen floor into the living room, and then to the front door. You opened the door to see Jughead standing on your porch.

"I need your help, noone will listen to the concerns of one disgruntled employee, and you're the only other person in this town who cares the starlight is closing." he had his arms crossed, but his face was pleading. an odd mix of vulnerable and guarded.

"Hello to you too, yes this is a new shirt thanks for noticing, I'm also sorry for missing you at school." you paused but Jughead didn't respond. You sighed."Of course I'll help Jughead." You grabbed his arm and pulled him with you into the kitchen. "Do you have a plan?"

Jughead glanced around your kitchen, taking in the wood paneled floors and the weird mint green cupboards the previous owners had installed. "I want to appeal to Mayor McCoy directly, show her there are people other than addicts and thugs that frequent the drive in." Jughead started, but you cut him off.

"I take it im the 'people' in this scenario? you know for all you know I could be an addict AND a thug...I mean, I'm not. but wouldn't Betty be better for this? I’m kind of an unknown in this town."  you said sarcastically as you hopped up on your kitchen counter.

Jughead stared at you from across the room. "Bettys distracted with the whole Archie and Grundy thing-" You grimaced. "-But, it doesn't matter, Betty doesn't go to the drive-in. you do. So we'll show her normal highschool kids show up, not just Riverdales 'criminal element'."

You pushed yourself off the countertop and grabbed your jacket from the back of a wooden chair where you had flung it earlier. "Alright. lets go." You and Jughead walked side by side to city hall, going over your strategy. so far the plan was use you as a prime example of the twilights redeeming qualities and if that failed, wing it.

When you got to city hall, the mayors secretary waved you in while she chatted on the phone. You trailed behind Jughead. The mayor was moving around her office flipping through papers. "Mayor McCoy you cant close the Twilight Drive-in."  Jughead piped up before the mayor could say anything "Its a staple of this town!"  You nodded along.

She moved to stand behind her desk, "I'm sorry, but the Twilight Drive in? Its a blight thats become a cesspool! And a hangout for criminals and transients." she took a seat in the red leather chair and continued to flip through her papers. "And normal highschool students! Im there almost every weekend." You shot back from next to the scale model of the town. annoyance biting at your words. The mayor smiled at you tightly, like a parent trying to get their child to behave in public. "Look kids, The deals done. Andrews construction is set to demolish the lot on monday."

You narrowed your eyes slightly at her. You were pissed beyond belief, but you had no idea what to say. 

Jughead bit his lip and glanced down, bouncing slightly. He grabbed a chair and pulled it up to the mayors desk. "Mayor McCoy, when I was a kid, my family and I would go to the drive-in all the time.- " She finally put down her papers and crossed her arms, leaning on her desk, giving Jughead her full attention. "-We couldn't afford tickets for everyone...so my sister, Jellybean, and I would hide in the trunk until we parked. we'd sneak out." He shook his head slightly at the last part. your heart broke for him as he looked the mayor in the eye again, his expression pleading."It's like my home."

The mayor glanced away and then looked at him again. "Thats a very sweet sentiment, Mr. Jones. But the future of Riverdale is at stake." her expression and voice were almost kind, but there was an edge of condescension in every word. Jughead shook his head and stood up from the chair, heading straight for the door.

"Jughead!" you called after him. but he didn't stop. You turned to face the mayor and gave her the best glare you could manage before running after Jughead. You headed out the double doors of the mayors office to see Jughead disappearing around the corner, The floorboards creaked softly as you jogged to catch up with him.

"Jughead, wait!" you called after him again, your voice echoing through the empty hallway. He finally paused and turned to face you. "I'm sorry." you said, there was nothing else you could say. you could tell he was hurting, and you had no idea how to help.

"Thanks for trying." was all Jughead said before he walked away again. And this time you didn't follow. 

That Friday night you trailed behind Kevins truck in yours, his truck only had two seats so you had to take yours. He and Veronica parked and you took the spot next to them, the three of you immediately climbed out of your vehicles and started setting up the blankets. the spots around you started quickly filling up as just about every person in Riverdale arrived in the gravel lot for the Twilights final showing. 

Kevin and Veronica settled in as you pulled out your sketchbook, an empty page staring back at you, but you had a plan for it. You grabbed your pencil and started recording what you saw in graphite and paper, The twilights curtain call. The people of riverdale moving around you, the soft glow of the screen, casting everything in shadows. You knew things were happening around you; Cheryl climbing in with Kevin and Veronica, Bettys mom showing up and dragging off Archies dad. But you were focused on this scene, not anyone elses.  

For almost two hours you sketched, shaded, and erased. until you had something that reflected what you were trying to capture. You carefully tore it from your sketchbook as the movie began to roll the credits in the background. You folded the page and scrawled a note on the back.

'a little piece of home. --(y/n)'

As people started to pack up their things and go home, you walked to the projector house and looked at the paper in your hands again, the words on the back staring back at you as you slipped the drawing under the door and knocked, before turning and walking away to join the line of people leaving the drive in for the last time.

But even as you climbed into your truck, you couldn't shake the feeling the twilight drive-in wouldn't be the only thing changing in Riverdale.

Tags list: @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @deanackles67 @thejourneyofabrokenheart @bbyhansol143 @half-and-halfxx @yummyphoenix39 @scrolling-my-life away @littlefrenchbird

[brendonuriesource]

Death of a Bachelor, Birth of a Billboard-Topping Broadway Badass

Brendon Urie got pretty sick a few months ago. Three days before the Panic! at the Disco frontman’s Death of a Bachelor tour was set to hit Oracle Arena, he lost his voice and his temperature soared to 103 degrees. But he was slated to perform for 11,000 fans at Oregon’s Moda Center that evening.

“Still gonna have fun on stage tonight,” he tweeted before the show. “Fuck a cancellation. Let’s do this, Portland.” The next day, he informed his followers that he’d received a steroid shot in the ass so as not to miss his sold-out Vegas hometown show. Then it was off to the Bay Area.

If there were any Oakland concertgoers unaware of Urie’s social media play-by-plays (unlikely), they would’ve had a tough time deducing that the Panic! frontman felt like anything less than a rock star. He belted out over 20 songs during the March 25 show, including covers of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” and Billy Joel’s “Movin’ Out.” He took over the drums to bang out a Bruno Mars/Rihanna medley, killing back-to-back renditions of “24K Magic” and “Bitch Better Have My Money.” He nailed his signature backflip during the band’s 2013 song, “Miss Jackson.” Then he packed up, hit the road, and completed 15 more stops around the country (including one in Duluth, GA on his 30th birthday). And then, one month later, he made his Broadway debut.

This is how Brendon Urie gets shit done. And this unrelenting energy and passion have made him one of pop-rock’s biggest success stories. Panic! at the Disco currently counts over 3 million and 2.29 million followers on Instagram and Twitter, respectively, and Urie’s amassed nearly identical numbers across his personal accounts. Panic!’s 2005 debut album, A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out, produced the instantly recognizable, irresistibly catchy earworm, “I Write Sins Not Tragedies,” which became a top 10 hit, peaking at No. 7 on the Billboard Hot 100 singles chart. Not bad for a group of recent high school grads who got their start as a Blink-182 cover band. A year earlier, Urie, along with pals Ryan Ross, Spencer Smith, and Brent Wilson formed Panic! and sent a few of their demos to Fall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz via LiveJournal. Within months, he’d signed them as the inaugural band under his Fueled by Ramen record label imprint, Decaydance.

Phoenix, AZ resident Sarah Fingold discovered the group early on. “I was a Fall Out Boy fan, and they did a tour in 2005 and Panic! opened for them,” she recalls. “It was one of their first tours and no one knew who they were. I just remember them being all flamboyant with their outfits and what I remembered as the ‘Shotgun Wedding’ song [officially known as “Time to Dance” from Fever].”

Fingold has attended 15 Panic! shows over the past 12 years and has, along with other early adopters, stuck by the group through a tumultuous decade. In 2006, Jon Walker replaced Wilson on bass. But two years later, Walker and guitarist Ross both left the band following the release of their sophomore album, Pretty. Odd. Urie and drummer Smith then recruited bassist Dallon Weekes while recording their third album, 2011’s Vices & Virtues, and the trio went on to create 2013’s Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die! But in 2015, Smith bowed out of the band and Weekes later downgraded his role from permanent to touring member.

And then there was one.

At that point, Urie had a choice. He could have retired from the music game altogether, content with the band’s solid decade together. Or he could’ve put the Panic! brand to bed and reinvented himself as a solo artist. But instead, he soldiered on alone under the Panic! moniker, writing and producing new tracks from his Los Angeles home studio. And while he recruited Weekes, guitarist Kenneth Harris, and drummer Dan Pawlovich for live performances, Urie himself recorded every instrument on the new material, aside from the horns (he’s mastered guitar, bass, keyboard, percussion, and synthesizer), and he even provided his own background vocals (courtesy of a four-octave range). In January 2016, he unveiled the band’s fifth studio release, Death of a Bachelor. As a one-man act, Urie earned Panic! its first No. 1 album and a Grammy nomination.

“Brendon Urie is an anomaly,” says producer and collaborator Rob Mathes. “He’s a young man who is an incredible drummer and singer with extraordinary range, but also a truly great bass player and a guitarist who can shred along with the best of them. Not only that, but he can do backflips and cartwheels on stage and perform seven shows a week with his voice remaining as powerful as ever.”

According to Mathes, Urie’s musical talent is just the tip of the iceberg, and this absurd amalgamation of attributes makes him an industry exception.

“Add to this no ego whatsoever — none,” he says. “It doesn’t really make sense. He was raised by Mormon parents, and though he has drifted from that tradition, I believe his kindness, politeness, and complete lack of pretension probably comes from that religious upbringing. He never thinks he is the most important person in the room. He’s one of my favorite people.”

Los Angeles-based host and long-time KROQ radio DJ Ted Stryker has supported Urie since his early days. “I’ve been listening to Panic! and interviewing Brendon since close to the beginning — he was never off my radar,” he says. “The dude is a superstar. His stage presence, energy, vibe, work ethic, attitude, style, writing — he does not want to fail.”

And he hasn’t, despite the fact that Panic! could have easily succumbed to the fate of other pop rock acts of the MySpace era, written off as a one-hit wonder. Considering the young group’s quick and sudden rise to fame and the members’ gradual departures, it would have been understandable if Urie had felt entitled to coast on his early success until fans lost interest. But the musician has pulled off a rare feat, artistically experimenting and evolving enough to continuously attract new fans, but never veering so off course as to alienate his original supporters.

“Amazingly, the band has amassed a massive cult following, and in essence, are actually bigger now than ever before in their career,” says Live 105 music director Aaron Axelsen. “They sold out a show at the Oracle in Oakland back in March and continue to generate insane sales and streaming numbers here in the Bay Area.”

“You have this [older demographic] of generation-MySpace who nostalgically love Panic! and have been there since day one in 2004, fused with a new wave of younger millennial fans, basically creating an ideal band for soccer moms and their daughters,” Axelsen adds.

That universal appeal hasn’t just kept Panic! afloat: it’s catapulted them toward greater and greater success, even as the band members themselves have dwindled down to just one. That may be why Urie, while lacking the name recognition of an Ed Sheeran or a John Mayer, beat out both artists by having the highest-grossing tour of 2017 thus far.

It’s the combination of unconditional old-school fan loyalty and newbie devotion that’s kept Panic! thriving. “When the new songs came along, the younger audience took ownership of them,” Stryker says, noting that Blink-182 and Weezer have experienced similar sustained success thanks to the support of a millennial audience.

Case in point: 15-year-old Panic! fan Eva Goldthwaite from Boston. She became a dedicated fan a few years ago after discovering Urie’s outspoken support of the LGBTQ+ community in his lyrics and press interviews. “I’ve grown up in a pretty accepting environment,” she says. “I never realized the true, horrible things that were happening in the world.”

After launching the Instagram fan account @brendon.urie (which now counts 31.5K followers), Goldthwaite was shocked to read comments describing followers’ experiences with homophobia and prejudice. Moved to take action, she and a friend decided to pay tribute to Urie’s message of acceptance by distributing paper hearts in all the colors of the rainbow through the crowd at the band’s July 1, 2016 show in Mansfield, MA. Printed on the cutouts were instructions for attendees to shine their cell phone flashlights through the hearts to create a stadium-wide wave of rainbow colors. Audience members were instructed to start the spectacle once the band launched into the equality anthem, “Girls/Girls/Boys,” which includes the refrain “love is not a choice.”

Urie and his team were blown away by the grassroots effort, sharing their appreciation on social media. Fans in other cities took notice, like 20-year-old New Yorker Raquel DiGiacomo, who co-manages the Twitter and Instagram accounts, @PanicUpdating (16K fans and 17.8K followers, respectively). As Urie prepared to kick off the Death of a Bachelor tour, she and a team of fellow fans spearheaded a national effort to replicate the rainbow.

“We spent hours getting people’s information for each stop on the tour, writing our their handles, Tweeting templates of the hearts, telling people where to buy paper,” she says. “It got so big, the people in Houston managed to turn the entire arena into the pride flag.”

The nightly tradition became a testament to the loyalty of Urie’s fans, and he acknowledged the spectacle in a speech at each tour stop.

“The last tour we just finished was the most inspiring I’ve ever been a part of,” he recently wrote in a letter to Billboard commemorating Pride month. “Thank you to all of you for being who you are. You’re beautiful and I love you.”

Fans love Urie right back — so much that they’re willing to traverse the country to see him fulfill his lifelong dream of starring on Broadway. On May 26, Urie kicked off a 10-week run as Charlie Price in Cyndi Lauper’s Tony Award-winning musical, Kinky Boots. It’s a definite departure from his comfort zone, but the production is, in many ways, a perfect fit for Urie. Lauper’s rock-tinged numbers are reminiscent of Panic!’s theatrical influences, and one eerily prophetic lyric from Death of a Bachelor’s “Don’t Threaten Me With a Good Time” kind of says it all: “I lost a bet to a guy in a chiffon skirt/ But I make these high heels work.”

If the numbers are any indication, he definitely does. In the first week (during which he only performed four of eight shows), Urie boosted Kinky Boots ticket sales by 40 percent (or $315,000) and raised attendance by 22 percent compared to the previous week. His seamless transition from rockstar to thespian has wowed critics and colleagues alike.

“Brendon has been like a sponge soaking up everything-Broadway and putting it into his work,” says Urie’s Kinky Boots co-star, Taylor Louderman. “For someone with such a huge following, you might expect an equally huge ego, but this guy is as sweet as they come.”

Mathes says the new endeavor is an ideal outlet for Urie’s talent and enthusiasm. “He has never had more fun in his life than in Kinky Boots,” Mathes says. “He’s over the moon for it and has never been happier. We know he’s at home making blistering modern rock music, but he sure is loving Broadway.”

Urie’s temporary departure from Panic! hasn’t deterred fans. Goldthwaite’s mom will drive her six hours to see Kinky Boots in July and Fingold will make the trek from Phoenix that same month. DiGiacomo has seen the show twice already and plans to see it two more times before Urie’s final performance on August 6.

Each night Urie has appeared in the show, the stage door has been swarmed post-performance, with fans of all ages pouring onto the West 45th Street sidewalk and coming uncomfortably close to oncoming traffic. And each night, Urie has shown up for fans, smiling for countless selfies, signing an astronomical amount of Playbills, and expressing sincere gratitude for their support.

The fan devotion isn’t simply idol admiration; supporters say the musician’s unwavering commitment to his craft, his community, and the causes close to his heart have motivated their own personal growth.

“Brendon has really inspired me to be a better person,” Goldthwaite says, noting that many of her 31,000 Instagram followers are in search of solace or support. “I do mini-projects where I’ll have people compliment the person above them in the comments, which spreads a little bit of positivity to a lot of people,” she says. “Brendon’s positivity inspired me to become a better person and be there for his fans, just like he is.”

Source: sfweekly

[gilbertandanne]

Third installment to the Serendipity/Amaranthine universe. How far would you go in order to protect someone you love? WARNING: as with the first two parts in the series, there is an overall trigger warning for abuse (physical, mental, emotional). That, combined with the adult themes in this fic (alcohol, language, situations, etc), are the reason for the rating. Primarily Rucas.

Rating: M

Soundtrack (not at all in order and will be edited as the story progresses)

Word count: 3,735

Prologue | One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight | Nine |

                                                 Elysian

Chapter Eight: Janus

Janus is the Roman god of beginnings, gates, transitions, time, duality, doorways, passages, and endings. He is usually depicted as having two faces, since he looks to the future and to the past.

The next few days came and went in a flash.  Most of their time was spent exploring and revisiting several of their favorite spots in the city.  They went to the Hamilton Pool Preserve, the Baylor Street Art Wall, and Mount Bonnell—just to name a few.  Their days were filled with so much activity that Riley couldn’t bring herself to venture back out to the hill with Lucas at night.  She was simply too tired after their hectic days.  

Before she knew it, most of the week had already flown by.  Torrential showers delayed most of the city’s Fourth of July plans.  While most of the surrounding communities decided to cancel their celebration plans all together, Lucas convinced his several of his friends to gather together on the 6th to celebrate.  

Their normal Independence Day celebration consisted of shooting off fireworks all night by the lake at the edge of his grandfather’s property.  Luckily for Lucas, all of his neighbors were more than enthusiastic by the idea, so before he knew it, nearly everyone he had every met had showed up.  Those friends brought their own set of friends, who brought more of their friends, and so on.  After the first few hours, and several phone calls later, they managed to scrounge up enough grills and food to feed the entire crowd.  It felt exactly like every other year.  Lucas had been determined to show his friends how Texas celebrates Independence Day, and for a few days, he worried that they had perhaps made the trip in vain, but as he looked at the crowd that was scattered around the lake, he had to smile.  There was no way this could ever happen in New York.  

As Riley watched the fireworks crackle in the dark sky above her, she still couldn’t believe that Lucas had managed to pull all of this together.  He wanted to show them how awesome the 4th was in Texas, and he definitely delivered—even if it was two days after the actual holiday.  She smiled as she watched the reflection of the fireworks dance across the water.  She was beginning to think that perhaps she had made the right decision to come to Texas.  They had a few hiccups at the beginning of the week, but the last several days had been nearly perfect.  Most of their time was spent with the rest of the group, but that wasn’t completely out of the ordinary for them.  

What was out of the ordinary was the fact that she had only spent one night under the stars with him.  She had to admit to herself that it wasn’t solely due to the fact that she was tired after being on the go all day.  She knew that she was avoiding him because she didn’t want to argue or feel any worse than she already did about not telling him about Charlie.  She knew he was confused, but she didn’t really trust herself to be alone with him and not tell him what was going on back in New York.  It was easier to just go to bed.  It was easier to avoid him.  He seemed so happy.  She couldn’t bring him down.

Her gaze slowly drifted to the field next to the lake where the guys had begun an impromptu game of baseball.  Despite the fact that she was sort of avoiding being alone with Lucas, she already found herself missing him.  This week had gone by so quickly—too quickly.  

For the first time all week, she was by herself.  It was ironic considering the sheer number of people who had showed up to the party.  Maya had wandered off in search of a bathroom several minutes earlier, and Riley was beginning to wonder if she was ever coming back.  ‘She must have found someone to talk to.’

Truthfully, Riley didn’t mind being by herself.  The fireworks had entranced her so much that they had managed to temporarily silence the chaotic thoughts she had been trying to escape from all week.  When she glanced back down at the guys, she knew that she wanted to commit this moment to her memory.  Everything around her seemed so peaceful, and for just a moment, she thought that everything would somehow work itself out.  It had to, right?

“Pretty, aren’t they?”

Riley bit the inside of her cheek the moment she heard Jessica’s voice.  Of course she couldn’t have one peaceful, quiet moment to herself.  Her voice felt like nails on a chalkboard.  For the last several days, Riley didn’t have to hear about Jessica at all, let alone deal with her.  It was the only good thing that came out of that argument with Lucas—well, besides the way they made up, of course.  She should have known that Lucas’s ex-girlfriend would show up.  Tonight had practically turned into a reunion for Lucas and his high school friends.  She should have realized that there was no way that Jessica wouldn’t have heard about the party.  Riley sighed as she blonde sat down next to her.

“How’s it going,” Jessica asked as she leaned back to watch the fireworks.

“Fine.”  Riley knew she was being short with her, but after everything, she couldn’t even pretend to be cordial with the girl anymore.  She had forced Riley to think about the one thing she had, for whatever reason, managed to avoid thinking about for the last two years.

The blonde looked down at the grass in between them as she desperately tried to hide the grin from her face.  As soon as she spotted Riley sitting by herself, Jessica knew that she must have been able to plant that seed of doubt in the brunette’s mind.  “Have you…thought anymore about what I said?”

Riley smirked as she turned her head to look at her boyfriend’s ex.  “What did you say?”

Jessica chuckled as her eyes ticked up to look into Riley’s.  “Is that the game you’re playing?”

Riley shrugged as she turned to look back at the lake.  “I’m not playing any game.  Are you?”

Jessica and Riley sat in silence for a few moments before Jessica giggled.  “Those boys are so ridiculous, aren’t they?”  She gestured to the game at the bottom of the hill.  “Every year they say they aren’t going to play, but end up doing it anyway.”  She sighed.  “You’d think by now they’d know and would come prepared.”  She pulled her legs up to her chest as she smiled at the sight.  “Maybe one day…when their kids are playing with them, they’ll think to actually bring gloves.”

Riley sighed as she watched Lucas step up to the plate.  Was that something he had thought about?  He had talked about Austin’s 4th of July festivities for years.  Obviously, he looked forward to the annual nightlong party.  Had he thought about having kids one day and bringing them to this?  Had he ever thought about how he would teach them to play baseball on these nights?

“Did you know that he played baseball in middle school?”

Jessica’s voice sliced through Riley’s reverie. “No,” she revealed before she could stop herself.  She blinked several times as she forced herself to look away from her boyfriend.

Jessica nodded.  “He was the best player in the state.  Scouts came out to look at him and everything.  Everyone just knew he’d end up with a scholarship somewhere.”  She paused as she watched him swing and miss.  Strike one.  “But then everything fell apart at home and he started to act out.”

Riley snickered.  “Under your suggestion.”  She had always resented Jessica for giving him the idea in the first place to get into fights and completely alter his personality to try to get his father’s attention.

She shrugged.  “Not my best idea, but he was…desperate to get the attention off his mom.  I’m sure you know her pretty well.  She’s…the sweetest woman I’ve ever met.”

Riley nodded.  “At least we can agree on that.”  Lucas had always maintained that he was exactly like his father, but after only spending an hour with his mom, Riley knew that Lucas was the spitting image of her in terms of his personality.  His mother made the world a better place by simply being in it.  After everything she had gone through, and survived, she still saw the world for all of its possibilities.  She put her heart into everything and everyone she met.  Like mother, like son.

Jessica said nothing as she watched Lucas miss a fastball pitch.  Strike two.  “Did you know that when they were here for Christmas, she was looking at houses to buy?”

Riley frowned.  “No, I didn’t know that.”  She suddenly didn’t care if she had just given Jessica the upper hand in this conversation.  Lucas’s mom was looking at houses here?  Why didn’t Lucas tell her?

Jessica nodded.  “Yeah.  I guess since Lucas and his dad have kind of mended fences, she’s thinking about moving back so Lucas doesn’t have to split time between his family anymore.”  She glanced at Riley.  “I mean, how sweet is that?  To be willing to sacrifice the world you’ve spent the last four years building just for the sake of someone you love?”

Riley cleared her throat as she tried to focus on the game in front of her.  “You got this, Lucas,” she called out to the field below her.  She swallowed as she clapped her hands in encouragement.  His mother was going to move back so his family could all be together?  She wasn’t sure how much of that was the truth and how much of it Jessica was embellishing, but it sounded exactly like something his mother would do.  

Jessica and Riley watched as Lucas hit the next pitch clear across the field.  His laughter could be heard in between the crackling sound of the fireworks overhead.

“Look at him,” Jessica beamed with pride.  “Acting just like a kid down there.”  She turned to Riley.  “He looks so happy, don’t you think?”

Riley watched as Lucas’s friends all cheered for him as he ran the bases.  As soon as he hit home plate, she saw him turn around and look up in her direction.  He had the biggest smile on his face as Asher and Dylan came up to congratulate him.

“Your week here is almost over, isn’t it,” Jessica continued as she watched Riley watch Lucas interact with his friends.  “Have you noticed how happy he is here?  How free he seems?”

Riley’s eyes fell to the ground.  She knew that she didn’t have to say anything.  She knew that Jessica didn’t need Riley to confirm or deny it.  Riley had been forced to take notice of every single emotion that crossed his face over the last several days.  The only time he seemed remotely upset was when Maya brought up Charlie and their subsequent argument the following morning.  Other than that, Lucas seemed happier than she had ever remembered seeing him.  She knew being in Texas made him happy, but it wasn’t until this week that she realized just how much this place meant to him.

“He belongs here,” Jessica continued.  “After everything he’s been through the last few years, he deserves to live the happiest life imaginable, don’t you think?”

Riley nodded.  The only thing she had ever wanted for him was to be perfectly happy.  She had seen that this week.  It felt like he had finally found home.  

“Can’t you just picture him playing in that field ten years from now?”  When Riley didn’t answer, Jessica looked down at Lucas.  “I can,” she continued.  “He’d have the best of both worlds.  He’d be home…be with his friends and family, and he’d also be able to do what he’s always wanted to.”  She glanced at Riley.  “He could do a lot of good for this community.  The community could do a lot of good for him too.”  She waited a beat.  “Wouldn’t you want him to be where he would be the happiest?”

“What are you doing here,” Maya asked as she stomped up the hill toward the girls.

“We’re just talking,” Jessica shrugged before she stood up.  “You’re missing a heck of a show,” she smirked before she sauntered down the hill in order to talk to the guys.

“I really want to throw her in the lake,” Maya grumbled as she sat down next to Riley.  She frowned when she noticed how downcast the brunette seemed.  “What did she say?”

Riley sighed as she looked up just in time to see Jessica give Lucas a congratulatory hug.  “Nothing I didn’t already know.”

Maya frowned at Riley’s comment.  As she turned her attention to the field, she spotted Lucas jogging up the hill toward them.  

“Did you see that,” he grinned.

“You hugging Jessica?  Sure did,” Maya tilted her head to the side.  How was it possible that he was so oblivious to the fact that his ex-girlfriend still wanted to be with him?

“It was because he hit a home run,” Riley clarified as she looked up at her boyfriend.  “I saw it.”

He grinned despite the fact that he was slightly out of breath.  “I’m so out of shape.  I thought for sure I’d strike out.”  His smile faltered when he noticed how solemn Riley seemed.  “Are you ok?”

Riley nodded.  “Yeah,” she lied as she stood up.  “I’m proud of you,” she smiled before she leaned forward to hug him.  When she felt his arms wrap around her waist, she closed her eyes.  “I didn’t know you were so good at baseball.”

“Yeah,” he chuckled as he pulled back from her, “I played when I was in middle school.”

“Yeah, uh, Jessica told me you were good…really good.”

“I never thought you were the…sports…type,” Maya told him.

“There’s a type?”  When Maya shrugged in response, he turned to Riley.  “Do you want to go for a walk by the lake?  Just us?  I know we haven’t really…talked much this week.”

She gave him a small smile despite the fact that she could feel her heart drop into her stomach.  So, he had noticed that they hadn’t spent much time together.  ‘Of course he’d notice,’ she mentally scolded herself. ‘You’ve only been alone once since you got here.’  “S-Sure,” she finally stammered.  She glanced at Maya.  “Are you ok?”

“Of course,” she laughed as she stood up.  “I’ll go find the boys.  Who knows?  Maybe I’ll play baseball with them.”

Riley laughed.  “If you do, make sure someone is filming it…please.”

“So this is how you spend every 4th of July,” Riley asked him as they wandered around the lake.

“Yeah,” he smiled as he looked across the lake.  “I can’t believe everyone showed up tonight.  I thought for sure it was just going to be us and you guys would never let me live it down.”  He glanced behind them where most of the crowd was gathered.  “They’re probably going to shoot off fireworks all night.  Usually there are a few campfires once the younger kids leave.  It’s always this big party that lasts until dawn.”  He turned back to face her.  As she still stared at the mass of people behind him, he reached for her hand.  “Unless you don’t want to stay all night.  We can leave and go back to—“

“No,” she shook her head as she interrupted him.  “It’s fine.  I mean, this is why we decided on the week of the 4th in the first place.”  She looked up at him as she gave him a small smile.  “I needed to see this.”

Lucas smiled at her before they resumed their walk around the lake.  “I’m so glad you’re here.  Have I told you that lately?”

“Maybe once or twice,” she teased as she nudged him.

“I mean it,” he squeezed her hand.  “I love having you here.  It’s like…you’re getting to see the real me, you know?”  He looked down at her.  “You saw me at my absolute worst in high school, but now—“

“Now I’m seeing you at your best,” she offered.

He nodded.  He knew he shouldn’t be surprised at this point, but he still marveled at the fact that she could always read him so clearly.  He loved that she knew him so well.  “Yeah.  I know that we hit a few bumps when you first got here, but it’s been a good trip, don’t you think?”  ‘Even though we haven’t spent much time together.’

“Yeah, it has been.”  She paused.  “I love seeing you like this.” Despite the fact that she felt the weight of the world on her shoulders, she knew that she wouldn’t trade anything for being able to see that smile on his face. Unfortunately, she now knew that seeing that smile had its price.  She just wasn’t sure if she had the strength to pay it yet.

He furrowed his eyebrows despite the smile that still lingered on his lips.  “Like what?”

“Happy.  Free.  Like the whole world is open to you.  Like anything is possible.”  She gestured to the field behind them.  “Like a kid.  I’ve never…I’ve never seen you act like that before.”

His smile widened once more.  Yes, Riley understood it perfectly.  Now that she was here, everything felt complete.  He knew that she would understand how far he had come if she saw him here.  He knew that she would understand that she was the reason why his life felt nearly perfect now.

She nodded.  “Good.  You deserve to feel that way, Lucas.  You deserve an infinite number of happy days.”

“So do you.”  He lifted her hand before he gently kissed the back of it.  He knew he shouldn’t ask.  He never wanted to put her on the spot, but he couldn’t help it.  He couldn’t imagine saying goodbye to her in less than 36 hours—even if was only for a month.  “Do you have to go back?”

“Yeah,” she sighed.  The week had really flown by.  “Maya and I still need to figure out where we’re going to live the next year.”

He knew he had to ask.  He had to see if she could stay—even if it was only for a few more days.  “Why can’t you stay?  You can look from here, right?”  When she gave him a knowing look, he sighed.  “I just don’t want this to end.  I don’t want you to leave.”

“I have to go home,” she answered softly.  As her words echoed through her body, everything finally hit her.  Home had very different meanings for both of them.  New York was her home.  As much fun as the week had been, she was starting to miss the hustle and bustle of the city.  She couldn’t wait to see her own family again.  She even found herself missing thumbing through those stupid apartment listings.  It was time for her to go back home, but as she looked up at her boyfriend, she realized that he was already home.  This was his home.  This was where he was the happiest.  As much as she wanted to dismiss it, as much as she had tried to run from it, she realized that she couldn’t run from the truth forever.  Sooner or later it was going to catch up to them.  She knew that avoiding that conversation would only end up hurting them more in the long run.

“Please think about it,” he stopped midstride as he turned to face her.  He reached for her other hand before he lifted them both between them.  “I know that right now you’re going to say no, but please consider it.  Zay’s already staying for the rest of the summer.  You can too.”

“I only brought a week’s worth of clothes with me,” she weakly responded.  Her knees felt wobbly and she thought for sure her legs would completely give out from underneath her.  Her entire world was beginning to spin faster and faster as Jessica’s words echoed in her mind.  She was right.  Deep down, Riley knew it all along, but she didn’t want to believe it.  She refused to, but she couldn’t deny it now—not when the truth was staring her directly in the face.

“I’ll buy you some more,” he quickly answered.  If that was the only thing that held her back from staying, he’d happily but her a whole new wardrobe.  He couldn’t let her go.  He had missed her too much this summer.  He couldn’t stomach the idea of another month away from her.  “I know Pappy Joe won’t mind.  He’d probably love it if you stayed.”

“He only wants another chance to try to beat me at checkers.”  Riley could practically feel his excitement.  It only made her realized just how much she had missed him over the last six weeks.  The thought of doing this—long distance—for the next four years seemed impossible, especially after everything Jessica had said.  She thought she could do it if she knew that it would lead to them both ending up in the same place, but as she looked up at him, she knew that there was a reason why they hadn’t really discussed their future with one another.  She knew why she dodged that conversation despite the fact that she constantly dreamt about it.  ‘Anything is possible when you’re dreaming,’ she surmised.  ‘Reality is something completely different.’

Lucas laughed despite the fact that it felt like he was on pins and needles as he waited for a definitive answer from her.  “Well, you are the only one who has ever beat him at it.”

“Three times in a row.”

Lucas nodded.  “I’ve never seen him so proud and angry at the same time.”  He squeezed her hands.  “Please…stay.”  

Riley took a shaky breath.  “I need to go back home.”

“I understand,” he sighed as they resumed their walk.  “You can’t really blame a guy for trying though.”  He could do this.  He could make it one more month without seeing her every day.  They had done it for several summers now.  Four weeks would go by in a flash, wouldn’t it?

[serstolas]

Jakku (The Tie Pilot and The Resistance Officer, Chapter 2)

For Stormpilot Week 2017, Day 6: July 6th - Any AU (a continuation of my Role Reversal AU)

 Also on AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11394270/chapters/25563828

Finn had never in turns felt so elated and so depressed at once as he boarded the familiar transport, and aptly named Pride’s Fall. The, captain, a broad shouldered Mirialan woman named Kastin Prestor greeted him with a familiar, tight smile, her eyes scanning the small market that Finn’s rescuer had brought him to after he’d recovered enough to move on his own two feet again.When Finn awoke in the desert, no sign of either the Tie Fighter wreckage or Poe, he’d felt despair. His mission had failed. He’d lost BB-8 and could only hope the droid had avoided capture, and he’d lost Poe.He’d only known Poe for a matter of minutes, really, but he felt the absence of the man like the loss of a limb. 

The villager who’d found him advised him they found no sign of the wrecked fighter or any other people around, nor footprints indicating that there was anyone else who’d been in the area. There were creatures, they told him, which fed on scrap, which might have gotten to his friend before he’d woken up.The dread in the pit of his stomach at that thought…

Kastin shut the cargo hold and moved to the cockpit, Finn following close behind and dropping into the copilot seat, a place he’d been more than once since Kastin used to run not so legal goods for his father.“D’Qar?” she asked as she readied the ship for take off.

“Yeah,” Finn replied, his eyes staring out the cockpit at the endless shifting sands, hoping to the Force that Poe was still out there somewhere, safe.

Kastin didn’t say anything else until they were slipping through hyperspace, then brought out a flask of whiskey from somewhere and took a swig, offering the flask to him then. Feeling somewhat numb, Finn took it and took a sip, the amber liquid burning all the way down.“So, you look like a man who lost his best friend,” she told him. “Much you can tell me?”

“Don’t think so, not yet,” Finn admitted, though he wanted desperately to tell someone about Poe, to share with them the story of the amazing Tie Pilot who’d saved him and defected from the First Order as a result. If Poe was dead, his memory deserved to live on.“Maybe on base later then, after you’ve debriefed,” Kastin replied, taking the flask back from him. “You’re still alive though, Calrissian, that’s gotta count for something.”

“I wish it did,” Finn heaved a sigh. “I really wish it did.”He was grateful when Kastin switched the topic back to more nominal things like supply runs she’d been making for the Resistance, and the last time she’d seen his father. Finn hadn’t seen Lando in three years, not since he’d defected from the Republic.Finn had originally joined the Republic military at 18, naively thinking that the Republic still stood for everything his father had fought for with the Rebel Alliance. By the time he was 20, Finn had become extremely jaded towards the Republic. The protection forces did what they could, but the Senate resolutely ignored the threat of the First Order. So Finn had made a trip home under the pretense of personal leave, and then from Cloud City had defected to the Resistance, to join General Leia Organa’s forces, to join a group that was actually doing something.

Since Cloud City was technically still neutral in the whole Resistance vs First Order conflict, Finn’s contact with his family had limited, though Cloud City was at least sympathetic to the Resistance.

Leia Organa was waited for him when the Pride’s Fall hit the runway. Though he was tired and really needed a trip to the refresher and sleep, he followed the General into debriefing.How Finn maintained his composure through debrief he would never figure out. He’d thought he’d break down when he got to the point about Kylo Ren invading his mind, but instead it felt like he was observing from somewhere inside his own body. 

The General ordered him to see Dr. Tembris the following day once he’d gotten some sleep to deal with that mental trauma.He remembered the sorrow and guilt in her eyes when he spoke of Kylo Ren, but he didn’t know the cause behind it. He also remembered the astonishment when he told her about Poe.“For your sake, Finn, I hope this Poe is still alive,” Leia told him, voice filled with sympathy. “I want to meet this Tie Pilot who broke a life of conditioning to do the right thing and free you.”

Finally, feeling completely exhausted, he was released to Dr. Kalonia, and then ordered to get a meal in and sleep. Woodenly he followed the orders, grabbing whatever was available this time of night from the mess, eating it without tasting it, and dragging his ass back to his bunk.He lay awake in the dark long into the night, thinking about a pilot named Poe, a man who had never gotten the chance to live free.

~~

Poe left the remains of his armor and even his flight suit in the sands, wearing just the undersuit he always wore under his flight suit and his boots, wanting to be rid of everything marked with the symbol of the First Order.After while he slipped Finn’s jacket on, inhaling the scent of leather and something that he thought must be specifically Finn. The first person who had ever looked at him as something other than a number, as an object, and he was dead somewhere in the endless sands of Jakku. He felt bereft and more alone than he ever had.He’d walked kilometers and desperately needed water, he knew, but none of his survival training showed anyway to milk water from dry sands.

Finally he happened upon a settlement, and too thirsty to care, dropped beside a disgusting looking trough of water and drank deeply, wincing at the taste but needing hydration too badly. Finally he rolled onto his back, narrowly avoiding some odd livestock.He had to find a way off this planet. The First Order would have found the Tie Fighter by now, and would be searching for him.

At least, he supposed, if Finn was dead, he couldn’t be recaptured by the First Order and the horrors that would await him there.

He moved through the market, trying to figure out how he could get credits to get off planet (because he knew people didn’t haul passengers out of the good of their hearts) when he felt eyes on him.Poe froze in place a moment and lifted his gaze to see a young woman, some years younger than he was, with dark brown eyes and brown hair pulled into three odd buns. Beside her was an odd looking round droid, beeping furiously as it came towards him.Kriff. 

Poe started backtracking to get –away- from these two. He did not need to draw any unnecessary attention! He tripped over a rug and ended up on his bottom, whirling around to find the girl with her staff in his face and the droid beeping menacingly at him. It stuck a prod out and shocked him as the girl shouted at him.“Oh! What the-?”

“That jacket, you stole it!” the girl accused. “It belonged to his master!”Poe realized suddenly this must be the droid Finn had been so frantic over. 

He sighed internally, and felt Finn’s absence again.“Finn, Finn, Calrissian, it belonged to him right?” he asked both droid and girl.

The droid shocked him again.

“Kriff, stop that!” Poe yelped. “I’m sorry…Finn and I escaped from the First Order…he died in the crash.”

The droid paused, as if weighing Poe’s words, then beeped very sadly.Poe felt like hell. 

“I’m sorry,” he told the droid. “I couldn’t find his body anywhere, just this jacket.” He frowned. “Hey, didn’t he tell you to make it back to the Resistance?”

“You’re with the Resistance?” the girl asked him, suddenly looking excited.“I-“ 

Poe glanced at the droid, silently begging the droid to back him up. “Yes, I am. Was, with Finn.”The droid beeped and Poe got the impression if the droid had been human he’d be rolling his eyes.

“Can you tell-“ the girl’s words broke off when they both saw white figures at the end of the stall.

Poe cursed. “Its First Order, we have to get out of here!”“What, why?” the girl asked as Poe nudged BB-8 with his foot.“Come on, Droid, we’ve got to get out of here!” Poe said, not listening to the question.

“BB-8,” the girl corrected him. “I’m Rey.”BB-8 was already taking off after Poe, so Rey had no choice but to follow, particularly when the Stormtroopers seemed to notice them and started shooting.

They both heard the sound of Tie Fighters in the air and Poe yelled towards Rey, pointing towards a hunk of junk parked in the sands. “That one, we need a ship. I can pilot.”

“So can I!” Rey yelled at him. “And not that one, it’s trash!”Then a Tie Fighter took out the ship she’d been heading towards.“Nevermind, trash will have to do!” Rey cried.

They just barely managed to get into the ship with BB-8 before the Stormtroopers caught up with them.Rey was faster than Poe and managed to make it to the pilot’s seat before he did. He shoved himself into the co-pilot seat and they got the ship off the ground.The next several minutes were some of the wildest of Poe’s life as he and Rey ended up flying through a Star Destroyer’s remains to get away from the Tie Fighters, Poe yelling advice at her since he knew the Tie’s vulnerabilities.

Only once they were in hyperspace did Poe feel he could breathe again. Then Rey was turning to him and asked. “So, you’re with the Resistance? Take us there?”

A pop somewhere in the ship startled both of them and they both started to scramble out of the cockpit to go see what it was but Rey shoved him towards the pilot’s chair. “I’ve got this, you and your droid buddy get us to the Resistance base.”

Poe glanced towards BB-8, who seemed to be considering him suspiciously.“Look, I know I’m not with the Resistance,” he hissed softly. “But please, can you plug in the coordinates? If nothing else…I need to tell them about Finn.”

BB-8 beeped softly. ~Why~

Thankfully Poe knew binary.“To honor Finn’s memory,” he told BB-8.

BB-8 beeped curiously and then replied. ~Very well.~The droid turned towards the flight computer to input the coordinates, just as they both felt the ship jerk, as it was pulled into a tractor beam.