#I pushed myself too hard
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in a lot of pain, ask me anything
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First day in probably a month I haven't rushed out of bed to go somewhere or do something and it feels so good and weird
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#I tried really hard today and things still did not go super well#I’m really struggling with my eating right now and it’s so frustrating#because I was doing so well#and such a small thing set me off#but I guess it was all building up for awhile#I pushed myself too hard#and like I don’t have anyone to truly say these things to because I wouldn’t wish my thoughts on my worst enemy right now#I would wish them on my therapist but unfortunately she decided 2 have a child#that is a joke I’m very happy for her#but Damn why couldn’t i have had this trigger before the baby situation#cw ed#and another thing why does all food taste like absolute shit when u have ARFID#like I swear to god even a few weeks ago I liked blueberries#but now they disgust me??#like literally all food is just disgusting to me#except for whole grain cheerios???#and u can’t just eat that all day there’s no nutrition and then my health anxiety gets so bad#there is a constant war in my head around food and it’s so loud right. ow
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every time I say “starting nooooow I won’t have any major expenses” something HAPPENS! there’s raw sewage backing up from my drains, and apparently the plumbers will need to break the floor and the wall to get to the pipes and fix it.
if the cat stuff hadn’t wiped out my bank account, this would be annoying but manageable. as it is…..I’m going to try to get everything up in the store for Friday.
#it’s hard because I’m trying not to push myself too hard with mono#the nerve damage stuff is scary#so I’m doing my best to have a zen attitude about all these goings on#but like another surprise 3.5k expense?? how is anyone supposed to live in this world?#there will reach a point where I’m forced to sell this house.#because I don’t know how much longer I can do this all#sorry to be nothing but complaints recently. but things have been hard!
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want to draw but wrist hurts like hell
#moss text#1 week of nonstop uni writing will do that to me#i pushed myself too hard#sorry body i've been too rorshcach ;_________:
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PHIGHTER 15! (PHIGHTING!)
Hi tumblr here’s your food for the time being LMAOOOO anyways I like him a lot,,,,, very cool dude,,, love that he has a fursona /silly /pos
anyways! Yeah! This took about 10 hours and I speedran it in like 2 days, was it healthy? Nah. Was it worth it? I would say so! I do like how it came out and it was nice since this is the first time I’ve drawn canines in like. 2 years LMAO
anyways fun closeups too:
#art#phighting!#phighting fanart#phighting#digital art#roblox phighting#phighting roblox#phighting art#artists on tumblr#roblox#Wooooboy I’m tired#I have a. AWFUL headache at the moment and my depth perception is all screwed up#Eh we Ball though#I think it’s because I just pushed myself a bit too hard in fencing + I’m EXHAUSTED right now lmao#Anyways! Enjoy this ;3!#I have a LOTTTTT more art cooking so I’m super excited to finish all of it!#phighting! roblox#phighting! oc#phighting! coil#phighter 15#coil#phighting! art#coil phighting#coil phighting!#fan art#my art#illustration#artwork#drawings#art study
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If this was a game, I think a fun gameplay mechanic would be like a friendship meter. The friendship meter is affected by how you interacted with others. And if you have a higher friendship meter with people, they'd be more willing to help you. For example, companions with higher friendship do more damage when pomni takes them with her. Or another example is because ragathas kinda like the shopkeeper if she has a higher friendship her prices will be cheaper but if her friendship level is low they'll be really expensive. You can raise the friendship meter by going on side quests with the others or using positive dialog, and negative dialog makes the meter go down. Idk I just thought that it might be fun.
I like this idea. And you know what, FUCK IT.
AN AU OF AN AU!!!!!!! WHICH IS ALSO CANON-DIVERGENT FROM THE HARLEQUIN AU LMAO I TRULY AM AMAZING /j
THE AMAZING DIGITAL SOULS-LIKE!
I CAN"T seem to avoid the concept of "What if the Harlequin AU was a game instead", THE UNIVERSE KEEPS PUSHING IT TO MY FACE LIKE MY YOUNGER SIBLINGS WHEN THEY SEE A COLORFUL THUMBNAIL sighs....... back to my Shadow of the Colossus boss osts bullshit..... (affectionate)
The Amazing Digital Souls-like is a Non-canon compliant Alternate Universe (that's also a game rather than an actual fantasy world) of the Harlequin AU, where a stylized souls-like VR game called "The Marvelous Mechanical Harlequin" came out at some point during the rise of souls-like gaming.
Waking up in a well-lit main lounge of a manor, the new, amnesiac Harlequin player is met by "Bubble", a Butler Blimp, and "Caine" The Puppetmaster (whom is VERY VERY LOUD btw), claiming to be the only one who can "help her" in her current predicament.
As to be expected, she's very much on the verge of a mental breakdown, barely keeping it together while attempting to make sense of the world around her. (seriously, who thought pitching this game who sucks people inside of it to the public was a good idea??)
The Puppetmaster then proceeds to infodump everything the Harlequin player should know:
That this is a souls-like game;
she is a Harlequin Puppet in the middle of a TERRIFYING ROBOT apocalypse!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SCARYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and that she has to go on a boss-rush type of playthrough IF she EVER wanted to have a chance at getting out!
He'll also be the game's official guide, to which the player is having trouble digesting all this information (not surprising at all.)
When asked what's her name, she can't remember and begins crying onto the floor again (lmao skill issue). The Puppetmaster then picks one at the top of his head; "Pomni", which she reluctantly takes because it's better than having nothing.
From there on out, Pomni undergoes through a series of hardships as she dies (in a video game!!!!!!!!!!!!! MIND YOU, SHE DOES NOT DIE IN REAL LIFE!!!!) over and over again, attempting to defeat various bosses, who are the NPCs. She gains more and more confidence in the battles, but she's still quite the nervous wreck otherwise.
But hey, at least she's getting quite close to Caine, right? He's so nice, and sweet, and very caring of her, careful to reassure her that she's doing a great job with the tasks. There's also a deja vu in her head that's telling her this is somehow familiar, and his presence is a comfort to her.
Surely, everything's all fine and dandy, right?
... right?
Little did this Harlequin know, there is a DARK secret to all this.
And that is the fact that the late bosses aren't just regular boss AIs, they're OTHER PLAYERS trapped in a boss's body, for some goddamn reason. She finds this out when she accidentally does a good chunk of damage to a boss's heart, making them able to speak to her for a bit before going back to being hostile.
With that in mind, Pomni has to DELIBERATELY hit their very durable hearts, if she wants them to be reform as normal players as the hearts imprisoned the ACTUAL avatars of the players.
The Puppetmaster is taken aback, but seems to let Pomni do her way reluctantly.
Once they are freed however, they become Pomni's allies, but they seem... unnerved by the Puppetmaster and tend to avoid him. Every time Pomni asks them why, they're just quiet and looking away. Otherwise, they seem to be grateful and helpful to Pomni about anything else.
This of course, raises Pomni's suspicions of the game's advisor, but she still needs to comply with the rules of this world and thus, has to keep throwing herself to the wolves over and over again.
By the time Pomni frees the Maddened Princess of the Theater, The Puppetmaster declares her ready to face with THE FINAL BIG BAD HIMSELF, The Patriarch of Puppets, an "evil entity who transformed everyone into horrible Puppet monsters". Everyone scoffs silently.
Pomni, according to him, must defeat the Patriarch as the final step to video game freedom.
But by the time Pomni arrives to the final arena, The Patriarch attempts to have a conversation, and seems to be struggling with himself.
The Patriarch explains that his boss body contains "Able", someone who was close to Pomni in real life, who entered in the hopes of making his brother leave the confines of the game. He was able to remember details due to his admin access. Caine only agreed to leave IF he was capable of defeating all the bosses without using his admin abilities, "just like old times".
It was only until his late game run when he figured out (after a heated argument) that the original AI gamemaster, the very heart piece on Caine's chest, took over Caine and was making him act like a manipulative monster. When he tried to pry the heart piece away, he got sealed in the Patriarch's body as punishment.
The Puppetmaster may be unable to revoke his admin access, but it can be sealed off.
Able's been stuck ever since, but still secretly had a bit of access to the game codes if he did it on the low, an oversight by The Puppetmaster, and thus, managed to gain some semblance of control over the Patriarch's otherwise very hostile and bloodthirsty AI just in time for him to talk to Pomni.
The Puppetmaster denies these accusations, and advises Pomni not to believe the boss's manipulative words.
Pomni now has two choices.
>Kill The Patriarch of Puppets, or >face The Puppetmaster.
"Kill the Patriarch of Puppets" ending:
if Pomni decided to not believe Able, he loses his control over The Patriarch and the final boss fight begins. Once Pomni is victorious, The Puppetmaster then congratulates Pomni, but reveals a secret: That there was never an exit.
Pomni simply passed the final test, and now, she's ready to become a boss herself. Try as she might, she cannot escape this and she becomes "The Mechanical Jester of the Circus", the new final boss of the game. All her movesets are reconfigured to become the boss' attacks.
Able resets to normal, now forever trapped to be The Patriarch as The Puppetmaster corrects the previous oversight. The others are reset to become bosses again.
A new player joins, unaware of the horrors that awaits them.
Sad ending :((( How very tragic....
"Face the Puppetmaster" ending:
if Pomni decided to believe Able, a boss fight still ensues but this time, The Patriarch of Puppets is only the Penultimate boss instead of the final stretch. Pomni frees Able, who reforms into his original 'card deck' avatar and regains administrative access to the game.
The Puppetmaster accuses Pomni of breaking his heart and breaking game rules, and thus, has to battle with him IN ONE GO. There is no more reset button for her.
But Able comes in clutch and ensures her that HE will be the one to make sure Pomni can come back as many times as possible to finish the fight and free Caine.
Once Pomni is victorious, The gamemaster heart piece breaks, and Caine is knocked out. All the blocked out memories return to the players.
(Able's design belongs to sm-baby btw!!!!)
Apparently, the VR game was revolutionary. Players could physically enter the world and be immersed in the game's astounding graphics, creative boss rushes and open world exploration aspect. It did VERY well initially, but not well enough to stand the test of time.
Player numbers eventually dissipated when the brothers moved on to greener pastures (so the game didn't have updates), and the AI gamemaster was heartbroken for essentially being abandoned. As a result, any new players that entered the game could not escape, simply because they all forgot they had access to the menu from the very beginning. lmfao
When Caine rediscovered the game and wanted to replay it for old time's sake, the same fate befell him. The gamemaster recognized one of his creators, and took over his entirety, becoming The Puppetmaster.
Able followed suit, wanting to let Caine out but he was sealed into the Patriarch's body before he could succeed.
Pomni, who's actual name is "Penelope", was Caine's significant other in real life and got worried that Caine wasn't responding to her calls while she was on a business trip. She tried contacting Able, no response either.
When she finally arrived to their apartment, The Marvelous Mechanical Harlequin game was on, and recognizing it to be the brothers' old souls-like game, she put on the headset. And from there on out, the story begins.
The other players are able to forgive Caine's actions, and not pass lawsuits once they are able to go back to the real world. Now, with the gamemaster gone, the game has become somewhat active again, though this time, it was the others (and additional new people) hopping in back into the game just to hang out and maybe do some DLC boss rushes implemented by the brothers.
It's pretty epic, y'all. Happy ending yippie!!!!!!!!!
Now if you'll all excuse me... OWIEEEEEEEEEEEEE MY ARM AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
#thanks for the ask!#the amazing digital circus#tadc#tadc au#harlequin au#tadc harlequin au#The Amazing Digital Souls-like#AU..... of an AU lol#pomni#caine#tadc able#pomni x caine#caine x pomni#showtime shipping#showtime ship#tadc showtime#I bet there some people who wants to ask me “But Ziku why didn't you go with this idea instead”#ERMM!!!!!!!!! I wanted to be silly that's why!!!!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE#This is what happens if I tried REALLY HARD to be canon-adjacent with an au#I dunno. I may continue this; maybe not; who knows?#sigh. I need rest badly#I think I pushed myself way too much today#not good. not good at all#.... kinda worth it though
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to anyone who draws and experiences wrist pain like I do i. I figured out the blindspot to solving the pain. maybe this is obvious but whatever. im honestly I'm frustrated at myself for not knowing sooner bcs I was an athlete for so long. but what always confused and frustrated me was that no matter how much i stretched the pain wasnt going away
people always linked n shared resources to stretches and it'd give me temporary relief but not deal with the issue especially not any longer than the time it took me to stretch.
u do have to stretch. but u ALSO HAVE TO WORK OUT YOUR ARMS.
the reason we are hurting so much is because that muscle is doing a lot of repetitive and strenuous motion but the whole length of your arms and wrists aren't strong enough to withstand that much work.
u cant just stretch. buy a set of light-ish weights and just pick a set of wrist and arm workouts u like. do them often. stretch and do those work outs. i really dont even think it matters which you do I do a combination of this and this
just pick ones u like that are good for you, working out can be fun and not miserable i promise. do it. save ur wrists. my life has changed, i still feel pain but ive been able to work and not be ready to cry the next day from daring to try
#wolf txt.#rsi#rsi injuries#if anyone else has tips or favorite workouts share them#like i mentioned i was already an athlete so i am also reverting to some old warm ups i did to help with my back pain too#i played softball#n my thing always was that my arms were weak but my legs did a lot of work#i think i convinced myself that bcs my body wasnt withstanding muscle needed to hit a ball far#trying to push myself to work on my arms too hard was going to create more problems#THE OPPOSITE!!#I JUST NEEDED TO PACE MYSELF N TAKE IT SLOW!!#AAA
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#sir crocodile#one piece#shooketh#this is from july#cross guild ep coming yay#my art#update wow the episode was great the new outfits will take some getting used to but honestly i was too happy to see them again to care#mihawk was so adorable and soft im going nuts :)#and blackbeard in the preview ohgod im not ok#croc is so purple now#buggys VA is so entertaining... kuro chan ohhmggg#OK BUT THEY MADE CROC AND MIHAWKS CALL EXTRA ROMANTIC WWRHURRRURUU#very hard to push myself to draw anything lately. makes me wonder if im cut out for this#my sleep schedule is the worst its been since i was 13#idk how many ppl even read these tags#do you play aram in league? play with me if u want#i want to start drawing like i did 2-3 yrs ago again.
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DIABOLIK LOVERS More,Blood Stellaworth Complete Set Tokuten Short Stories ☽ Ayato ver.
Original title: DIABOLIK LOVERS MORE,BLOOD ステラワース全巻連動購入特典ショートストーリ English translation by @otomehonyaku Scans can be found here (courtesy of @karleksmumskladdkaka!)
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
SUMMARY | This short story provides a slice of Ayato and Yui's daily life after the events of More,Blood. Yui tells off Ayato when he asks her to prepare takoyaki for him, so he resolves to make it himself out of spite. Chaos ensues...
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
“Tch… this is harder than I thought…”
As soon as I’d spat out the words, smoke started rising from the searing hot teppan (1) in front of me.
“It’s burning…?! Shit! How’d that happen?!”
I went over to the sink, getting increasingly irritated, and turned on the tap to fill a nearby cup with water. By that point, smoke was billowing up from the steel plate. It was then, when I reached over to throw the water onto the pan, that…
“Ayato! Stop, you shouldn’t do that!”
“The fuck?!”
“S-sorry… I didn’t mean to…”
“You’re the one who told me to make it myself, right?! Right?” I threatened, looming over her. Her lip quivered while she apologised, her voice small.
It had all started a mere ten minutes ago.
I’d just been craving takoyaki before bed. I woke up Pancake, who’d already been fast asleep, and pestered her to make it for me. However, of all the things she could’ve done, she flat-out told me I should be able to make such a simple dish myself.
Well, she ain’t wrong, I’d briefly thought—and yet her blunt statement had really pissed me off. It made me want to put her in her place.
Then, another thought suddenly occurred to me. I wanted to prove to her that I could, in fact, make takoyaki myself.
And so, in a petty attempt at retaliation, I’d decided to actually prepare the takoyaki on my own. But to think the same person who told me to do so would still be poking her nose into my business…
“I’m sorry, I think I should make the takoyaki after all.”
“What?!”
Pancake sounded exasperated when she reached over to take the metal skewers from my hands and stood in front of the takoyaki machine.
“The fuck’re you doin’? Then why’d you tell me to make it myself?! Besides, they’re almost done already, so…” I grumbled while Pancake narrowed her eyes at me from over her shoulder.
“...I thought you would repetitively refuse to make it yourself, so…”
“What?”
“So I’d figured you’d go to great lengths to make me do it!” she said, somehow quite angrily.
“So what, huh? I tried to make you do it but you didn’t in the end. Why’re you yappin’ like it’s not in your favour?”
“...Come on! It’s… because… I wanted you to ask me, Ayato…”
“Huh?”
“Well… I felt a bit irritated because you woke me up out of the blue, but… you know, I actually find it… kind of… cute when you come to me asking to prepare takoyaki for you, Ayato…” Pancake’s face turned bright red—all the way to her ears—when she said it.
“W-what’s… cute…? The fuck?! Are you out of your mind?” My voice almost betrayed me.
“I’m not! Come on, Ayato…! Why did you choose to actually make it yourself this time…?” Pancake mumbled, skillfully turning over the takoyaki.
I’d thought the takoyaki had been burning, but it turned out not to be so bad after all.
What she said made me feel like I had been a bit unreasonable. I swallowed hard.
“Uh… anyway! I’m always fine with making takoyaki for you, okay…?!”
“Ugh… I-I don’t understand you, woman!” I retorted.
In all honesty, I just didn’t know how to deal with being thrown off-balance this way.
The takoyaki turned out to be… so bad that they were inedible. I must’ve messed up the ingredients somehow. In the end, it seemed like there was no other way than to let Pancake make takoyaki for me from now on, no matter how much she got on my nerves.
Well, I guessed it couldn’t be helped.
Still, though… the next time she calls me cute, I’ll drain her to the last drop!
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
(1) 鉄板(てっぱん): A teppan is a steel plate, usually in the middle of a table, on which dishes are either prepared by a chef (in a teppanyaki restaurant) or by yourself (in good company!)
#welp. figured i'd release this early since it feels like it's been a hot minute and i'm currently busy working on a commission dkfjdkfj#could you believe that i've managed work /and/ doing translations /and/ working on a commission /and/ reading 6 books this month so far????#i know it sounds like a lot and it is but it's been fun except the fact that i was a bit ill this past week heh#i still don't really feel like i'm pushing myself too hard or sth. it helps to sit in your pyjamas after work all ready for bed at like 6pm#also i just come alive in autumn#i'm also /officially/ getting a promotion before the end of the year which is a tremendous comfort in a lot of ways#but i'll take good care of myself aaaaaa i'm glad i've got a nice quiet weekend ahead of me#more is coming soon!!#diabolik lovers#dialovers#diabolik lovers translation#diahell#diabolik lovers translations#otomehonyaku#my translations#diabolik lovers more blood#more blood#sakamaki ayato#ayato sakamaki
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Haven't flexed for the internet in a while.
#me#i dont really like my new gym but i guess i dont really have a choice and its only for the next 8 months#i have to be considerate about balancing gym and art/school so i dont end up overexerting and injuring myself#ngl i was fantasizing about bulking up again to recover the 20ish lbs ive lost this year from injury and burnout#but i think its for the best to keep things where they are so i dont push myself too hard and hurt my joints again#i need to focus on art/school more than anything else since my life and future depend on it and i cant afford to fuck it up
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How are you doing nowadays?
thank you to my friends for being super patient with me right now, i dont say it enough but thank you and i appreciate you
#its finals season and like. hoping for a calm summer!#asks#pedia says stuff#i am not burnt out butttt if im not careful it does feel like im close?#so im trying my best to take care and not push myself too hard#duke
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grr having one of those days where my leg hurts so much that I might use a cane if I go out 💀
#I had friends over this weekend and pushed myself too hard doing activities with them#it was very fun and I don't regret it but now I have The Limp
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finally finished the dtiys that @ask-the-cat-cafe is hosting! honestly wasn't sure i'd make the deadline with finals crunch lmao
#honestly this isn't usually something i'd pick up#but i liked the idea of it and i needed a way to challenge myself i think#i took out a few cats bc i understood the want for visual clutter#but i felt that the original wasn't cluttered with intention if that makes sense?#like the push for getting every character in frame actively hurt its coherency in a way that just made it look muddled#ive never participated in a dtiys before and i had fun!#might try more in the future#tccdtiys#my art#im not gonna look too hard at the mistakes its been SO long since ive done something fully inked colored and shaded
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oo u want 2 draw soo bad..
#i hate that my ability to draw is so conditional#its soo frustrating but i dont know how to break it. this has been the one thing thats never changed.ill never be free#times like rn i just do studies but its soo fking BORINGGG euuhh...#but if i try 2 draw something for funsies i just stare at the blank canvas. literally immobile. & u know how people r like just draw#something anyways. a line. something. and its like no i cant do that oi cant even do that u underestimate my freak#i want 2attack myself from the pov of someone else#i think im having the realization tht i will never be able to do art stuff frls and its driving me crazy i think.#like im actually sick and unwell frm the thought of it.my friend commissioned me and im ab 2 send the money back#after two weeks bc i cant do it im literally frozen dude.i want 2 cry and die and explode into a million pieces#wait im back to add more.idk if anyone feels the same way but its like. i know its entirely a Me issue its a mental block issue#theres something thats not connecting in my head but its like.why is it so easy for everyone else ykwim...and thats a lie too right#like everyone else struggles w art and its not.it cant exist Without you struggling and practicing hard and trusting yourself#but in my brain im just convinced that like.i cant do this i cant do this like everyone else can do it like second nature and it freaks me#tf out#but also its the one thing i want to do more than anything else in my life and so like if i cant do it i dont know what to do.ughh.#not me freaking the fuck out rn lawl.lols.even#and on top of it i feel like i cant express myself well and i think my friend. < SOOO awesome and well meaning and NICE and legitimately#pushing me to try and believe that i can do this stuff but i feel like they wont understand the sort of like.mental block im struggling wit#like its less that i hate my art or something i dont its more like.i just feel soo physically restrained and incapable of doing it.suddenly#i cant think and i cant do anything.i have no creativity i have no ideas my mind is quite literally blank and empty
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celebrating my birthday by drawing me more demon bird man
#wip#digital art#legends of avantris#edge of midnight#trying my darnest to finish the last three pages of this thing#but my wrist is begging for mercy#i often forget the reason i am so slow is cuz my limbs actually hurt if i push myself too hard#'boo-hoo i'm so lazy' bitch your wrist is falling off
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