#I promise it'll pass
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Hey <3 really sorry to bother you, I read Who Holds the Devil since day 1, I absolutely love it. Do you know when a new chapter will be posted ? Take care
Hi there! I'm glad that you like it! And thank you so much for staying faithful to the fic for so long 💜
Unfortunately, this is what we call "catching me at a bad time" since today I've received unsolicited criticism, opinions, and/or complaints (some of them valid) on three separate fics, from three different people. So I'm kind of having my doubts about the whole "writing fanfics" thing right now. Or at least the "posting fanfics" thing.
(That'll pass, don't worry. I'm just being dramatic because I'm still trying to process and overcome all these new doubts and anxieties I didn't ask for but suddenly have to deal with)
On top of that, you happen to be the second person to ask me this question today, which is in no way helping my current situation. I'm pretty sure that wasn't your intention, but yeah.
Also, I'm afraid I might be getting sick again so, uh, there's that, too.
So, to be entirely honest with you, I don't know. I had hoped to get back to it sooner than this, but things are kind of difficult right now even if we ignore the shitshow today has been for me, my confidence, and my writing.
As always, I promise I'll post as soon as I'm able but, right now, I can't say when that'll be. So please be patient for a little while longer :)
You take care too 💜
#Amethystina Replies#Anonymous#I promise it'll pass#And I will get back to writing it#Hopefully soon#Today is just a VERY bad day for this question#Because one of the fics in question was Who Holds the Devil#And... uh...#The comment hit me where it hurts#In that sort of way where even if it's just a single person saying their personal opinion#Which they're entitled to#And they claim it wasn't meant to be negative#I'm still second-guessing EVERYTHING now#Since it's such an important part of the fic#And something I take so much pride in#And it doesn't matter that it's one of the things other people have praised me for since the very beginning#Because anxiety doesn't care about logic#And all I can see is that I apparently failed at something I thought I was doing well on#So yeah#Today kind of sucks
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I actually did cry when I typed the final few sentences. Whether that was because of the ending or because I wrote for like 8+ hours today remains to be seen. But holy fuck, it's DONE.
#eye in the sky#myfic#wip#theresurrectionist#writing#writing things#tomorrow I do an editing pass and then It'll be published I promise
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okee kittens i really do actually have to sleep now i have to have a good day tomorrowwww!!!!!! i love you i love you mwah mwah<3333333333
#gonna go and see pulp fiction at the cinema tmrw hehehhee#i'm really excited it'll be so fun#i'll try to answer asks tomorrow too#no promises but . i will Try#sorry for only posting bite sized pieces i'm having a hard time with staying focused on one thing#not that that's a new thing but it just seems a bit harder than usually#but it'll pass it'll pass!!!!!#I LOVE YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!#(=^・^=)#mayor of loserville
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to anyone not feeling the "christmas spirit" or any kind of cheer in fact, I'm sending you much love. we may be strangers behind screens but in spirit we are holding hands and getting through this together <3
#I normally adore christmas and everything about it (well. not everything. but the nice parts and the so-called spirit)#but I just want it to be over#just wanna get away from here and never come back#and see all my friends and hug them tight#and maybe even kiss the one who stole my heart#(I'm allowed a little indulgent fantasy)#(it's copium OKAY)#I normally would never wish for time to pass quickly and I swear I'm trying to see the positives#but I just want to fall asleep and wake up several weeks in the future#this is probably the most depressing christmas eve I've ever had#and it's a low bar#one day I'll have the perfect christmas though#surrounded by my chosen family and all the people I love#laughing and playing games and chaotically cooking#and all this will seem like a bad dream from another life#we'll hold each other close and fill our ragged cracks with love#and it'll be even better than in the movies#I'm promising it to myself#cosmo rambles
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I have some messages that have been waiting. For a while. I'm very sorry. I am in the pit of despair. I'm really hoping I can get to them soon because I greatly enjoy your thoughts!! Just want to give them proper attention instead of a cursory pass if I'm in the agonies, if that makes sense. Soon (optimistic; threatening).
#i feel bad not acknowledging them so i just wanted to say Something#things are just very heavy rn and it has been a particularly bad day#sorry i don't say things like that to like. forcefully garner sympathy i promise#legitimately just trying to be honest about why i am so behind on them#but it'll pass probably#my ramblings
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I SWEAR I KEEP TRYING TO DO ART BUT THEN SOMETHING GETS IN THE WAY AND THEN I PROCRASTINATE AND THEN SIX MONTHS PASS
#this has been happening for like TWO YEARS BUT I SWEAR TO GOD I AM TRYING.#my usual art motivation (my webcomic idea) has been put on hold for a bit and because of that i forgort... everything#my will to draw specifically#but in my defense i have been writing k*arlach / oc indulgences and i've been VERY focused on finishing it#i also got a marketing manager (my friend <3) to help with advertising my comms and stuff so uh... look forward 2 that#i might need to start posting all of my art on a sideblog so she doesn't have to log into my main though#so there might be some changes#but i promise i want to do art!!!! but there's always something to do first and then months pass :(#or i get the urge to draw and then life is like ''have a cancer scare'' lmao...#(ended up being cancerous actually </3 but because it's skin stuff it was easy to remove)#(but that really took the piss out of me for most of july... not to mention that ffxiv released a new expansion and i have been...#having a good time with my new friends doing content and stuff!) i also made a friend irl after like 3-4 years of total isolation#we feed ants and watch them move around together and comment on their behaviour patterns...#but like when i say this takes literal hours.#we just sit out there and talk about random shit and watch ants walk across the floor. both of us hate ants btw.#like we don't like having them ON us so it's a bit like playing with fire.#but anyways yeah i've also been really low energy recently too bc of the heat and burnout from college...#but the good news is that i'm transferring in fall to a much more relaxing college & courseload!#i'm hoping it'll stop me from feeling so... awful ?? i guess ??#like i was taking classes i didn't need to that were really difficult & punishing#not to mention extremely boring & hard to pay attention to when dealing with literally anything. i did not want to be there.#my next college is much more interest-oriented so i will finally be able to take classes i want to and learn from them...!#and then maybe i will feel a bit more in control of my life / more encouraged to draw#anyways thank u for reading my ramble. hoping it all comes together soon.#i need to do a lot of work but most of it is so i can sell commissions again#but once the karlach fic is done we're so back on the webcomic train !!!!!!!!
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TW: suggestive & profanity
ignore this if u can pls/srs
Bubble you can't say that-
(I died inside drawing this)
He literally just did the stolas thing lol
youtube
also caine is blowing bubbles, get it? blowing- okay I'll stop
#IM SO SORRY#I DO NOT USUALLY MAKE THINGS OF THIS NATURE#THIS IS THE MOST SUGGESTIVE IT'LL GETS I PROMISE#MY BLOG IS SUPPOSED TO BE SFW#B-BUT THE OPPORTUNITY IS TOO GOOD TO PASS UP#tadc bubble#the amazing digital circus#tadc fanart#tw suggestive#I'm just pointing out the obvious alr#wait don't take me to court-#stolas goetia#stolas helluva boss#just putting it here because of the reference#I'm gonna regret posting this ain't I?#how to ruin your reputation in 5 seconds
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" now i figure i'm outgunned in this town, but i got some craft of my own, you understand. "
p.edro p.ascal as l.ee s.coresby 5 / ???
#*113. so many worlds and connecting them all is dust // alt visage.#edits tag#{don't mind me feeding the hyperfixation}#{it'll pass i promise}
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checked in for my flight tomorrow and i am hissing biting tearing @ the fact that they dont have a gate assigned for my flight yet
i know the general area since i know the airline im flying with but i DONT. LIKE. not being able to plan ahead.
#speculation nation#if they dont send me an email announcement i guess im gonna have to just look at the fancy tvs when i get there#i'll get back home someway or another. even if im grumpy about it#OH THO since i got so seriously anxious being in the isle seat for my flight here (bc being surrounded by that many people set off my#anxiety about being in crowds SO fucking badly)#i was legit considering forking over $31 just so i wouldnt have to experience that again (also bc i wanted to have a window seat to see#outside with better. bc i wanna take pics in the air this time)#BUT! it automatically assigned me a window seat. in the waaaay back unfortunately. but still a window seat#so i will hopefully not nearly have an anxious breakdown bc of being surrounded on all sides by people#no promises about my anxiety relative to general airport things! but at least i wont have to deal with the being surrounded.#plus! window seat! that'll be nice#i dont get claustrophobic in the sense of small spaces scaring me. i rather like hunkering down in a little corner.#i just dont wanna be absolutely surrounded by people like that again haha. ha..#gonna have to wake up way too early tomorrow to get to my flight in time. and then im gonna lose two hours :/#on top of the time on the plane. but it's ok fire emblem worked very well for making the plane ride pass quickly#so i imagine it'll be the same for this one. MAN plane ride is so much nicer on my nausea than car rides. love that for me
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Good news, I am just over halfway through the ginasfs fic
#keefitz#ginasfs keefitz#<- that's the tag now#it's the aro keefe fic for anyone confused and it's sooo full of angst and i promise it'll be done asap#last year i said i'd finish it before december. and i stand by that!#i will finish it before december this year!#shit it's already march passing of time my beloathed
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Extremely cold take, but some die-hard media purists just drive me up the wall.
I’ve tried to talk to someone about a show that deals with some heavy topics in it which a couple people I know are fans of, and instead of actually saying what I wanted to say, midway through, I had to start being a defense lawyer for those very people, explaining why it’s okay and normal to like a show that has dark themes and heavy issues in it, because said person just wouldn’t reserve themselves from commenting about how horrible it is and how they don’t understand why anyone would ever watch something so brutal, let alone why it even exists in the first place.
I’d assume it’s not difficult to understand that people enjoy or find comfort in different things, but some people apparently think of it as science-fiction their minds can’t comprehend. For what reason do you think half of the literary classics people learn in basic education are so dark, so cruel, so heartbreaking to read? For what reason do you think so much media deals with horrible issues in the real world? And similarly, for what reason do you think there does exist media out there which doesn’t deal with it at all and just serves to be light and fun? It’s because everyone is different— for some, coping through fiction or even just enjoying it would come in the form of escapism into worlds that have absolutely nothing to do with real-world matters, and for others, seeing their own issues or the world they live in depicted in media they find happiness in may build a sense of comfort, solace and relatability to something they already love. How is that so unbelievably difficult to grasp?
I’m obviously not saying everyone should go and expose themselves to uncomfortable or potentially triggering content because it “exists for a reason”, I don’t think anyone sane would even think that’s what I mean here, all I’m saying is that it’s so unbelievably stupid for your entire worldview to be “everything sad or dark is horrible because it makes other people sad and that’s bad, all media has to be happy”, and if I hadn’t lived with someone like that, I wouldn’t even think people like this truly existed. It’s so hard to even formulate a proper argument to this, because you’d think it’s common sense that a lot of people vent out emotions and experiences through fiction or other forms of media, and that alone will always prevail no matter where humanity is at the time— as evidenced by all of literary history— and it’s necessary for so many people to do. I can very much respect if my roommate, whom I’d been arguing with on this, enjoys their fiction sanitized and that’s what brings them enjoyment, but I’d also like for it to go both ways, in the form that they’d also be able to acknowledge that all the art I make won’t be “sunshine and roses”, because I’m one of the people who need this sort of outlet, and they don’t have to personally be a fan of it, but I’d seriously appreciate being able to at least finish a sentence without them interjecting how absolutely terrible everything I ever do is because it’s just sad, and it would be so much better if I just drew or wrote something happier.
People who feel up to creating happy media will do so, and you can continue to consume it as you wish, nobody is trying to take it away. Not everything has to be "deep", with some kind of underlying meaning or darker theme included in it, some things can just be light to make one feel better in the moment, and I don’t think anyone is fighting against that, so why are some people fighting against the opposite, that of which is clearly made for a different audience, not someone who knows they won’t enjoy it? This also pisses me off on a bit of a broader note, as I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say media literacy is going to Hell these days, I tend to see people ignoring or watering down certain things in fiction they don’t want to acknowledge out of discomfort with something so “dark”, and while I can understand it to an extent— nuance obviously being a thing here, especially if it’s something personal— I think a good chunk of people approach this from the same side as my roommate, that being seeing it as unnecessarily dark and something that shouldn’t even be there, something which ruins the experience for the reader/watcher/etc. or something which brings more sadness into the world, and I cannot stress enough how absolutely braindead this take is.
I’m very sorry for the harsh words here, but as an artist myself, I would rather have someone not perceive any of my work at all than come to me, cherry-pick the content of mine which makes them feel nice and completely throw away or ignore everything that they personally don’t like, don’t want to see and will proceed to demonize both me and my works for. In my own case, I’ve had to actively hide my work from my roommate, because they wouldn’t stop wanting to see it, only to then turn around and tell me how much better it would be if it wasn’t so dark and sad— hey, maybe it’s not made for you, then! And while I could say that perhaps there could be an exception made for people who may enjoy certain media that happens to have something as a very personal trigger in it, as someone who could be said to belong in this category, I have to say I can't even agree with that much. You're free to not engage with something and avoid it for whatever reason you may have, even if you'd still like to engage with the rest of said media, that's completely understandable and I've been there, but to then go and demonize said thing and paint it as a universal evil to depict anywhere is not the way to go, and if you can't help but go and complain to people or outright insult those who may enjoy or just talk about said thing and treat them like they're scum for not sticking their pitchforks out at it as well, my only advice would be to either work on that or leave the whole media behind for your own sake, as well as the sake of others, if the former is not possible. As much as you yourself deserve peace from content you may find upsetting, both the community surrounding it and the author themselves also deserve to find peace in sharing their own art or personal experiences through it, that of which holds no more or less weight than anyone else's perception of it.
To share a personal anecdote on that, even now, this whole conversation/argument started with me speaking of a show that I refuse to watch, as there is a part of it which is a slight trigger for me, but you won’t find me on the frontlines fighting against it— no, you’ll just find me not engaging with it personally, because I know damn well some people out there are grateful for its existence, and I would never dare to try and take that away from them because I personally find it upsetting. While it may sometimes be used for utterly despicable things, overall, it’s a blessing to have this sort of media freedom nowadays, which is constantly being threatened in all sorts of ways— e.g. laws, book bans, censorship, and so on— and to think there’s people still rallying to remove content they’re uncomfortable with because it’s “dark” is downright ridiculous if put into any amount of historical context, but it’s usually impossible to even have this conversation about it, because as soon as you mention how terribly that has gone in history and what an impact it leaves on both the artists and consumers in general even to this day, that’s also too “dark” to listen to for the people sharing this sentiment.
Now, ignoring the more sensitive side of this matter and going back to people that just do it for the sake of nothing other than a one-dimensional view of the world that should revolve around their own sense of comfort— I’ll go ahead and admit that actually, the fact that I personally have devoted nearly six years to learning about Arthur Rimbaud both IRL and in BSD, or the fact that my actual favorite fandom as a whole is Litchi Hikari Club, are both exceptions to me, as I typically don’t do well with certain serious themes and concepts either and would rather stay away from them, but the fact of the matter is, these “horrible” things exist, they have existed since forever and they unfortunately will inevitably continue to exist, and art is one of the main ways people bring light to them or even just find a community, a sense of belonging or peace, solidarity and so on. I have absolutely no right, as a person, to be dictating what someone does with their own experience of life or whether it's "right" of them to do as little as create content about it openly, and neither does anybody else— for so many people, art is deeply personal to them, and I can’t quite comprehend how utterly shallow must someone be to think that just because it makes someone uncomfortable, it’s bad. I sadly don’t remember who said it, but the quote “art exists to disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed” is very, very relevant, and to be honest, just because you feel disturbed by something doesn’t mean you can’t just look away, scroll past and so on. There are so, so many people out there who desperately wish they could just do the same for their own experiences, but they cannot, and some people still sit here, whining about how it makes them sad to think about, thus it’s the source of all evil in this world and they're the ones being the victim here because they have to witness something so "depressing", even though nobody is forcing them to.
It’s so egoistic, to be frank.
#text post#nonfandom#non fandom#asachuu#I pray this doesn't get misinterpreted for the sole reason of bringing up the more sensitive side to this#I promise that's just because I know what it's like to be faced with something triggering/upsetting in media I already enjoy#it really is just about the reaction and I do have faith in most people to have sense about it#but I sadly have seen those who also think their experience is a free pass to demonize something#I hate that I'm anxious about leaving that part in because I know the internet is so black and white#also just to add#while I do think distancing oneself from things can be healthy and should be exercised more by some#one should also not live in a complete bubble ignoring everything that's going on#by ignoring or censoring something you won't remove the thing itself#to think it'll disappear if you just don't like it and don't see it is rather illogical#not only will it be there but it'll just lead to those affected losing their safety of expression#be it personally around you or more broadly if it affects laws and legislation#anyway God I hope I worded this right because I do feel strongly about this#I've never been able to talk about any of my art in my own house and have to mostly hide it#it feels horrible to have your own work be looked at as the source of the world's problems#even if it's cathartic for you to create and actually helps you deal with things#as well as potentially serving as such for your audience at times too
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I knew I loved the story about the frog and the scorpion for a reason when I was a child
Oops I did it again and by it I mean fully give my heart to someone who I knew would destroy it COMPLETELY
But fuck I thought it would take longer and MAN drowning is NOT fun
#it's like#i know conceptually what empty promises are and i know people are capable of them#i feel like a new born baby or fucking pinocchio before he gets turned into a donkey#.....and in such a cold cruel way#that's why I'm struggling to get it out and just cry my eyes out about it and move on#it's all so......sudden and....frankly mean#I haven't even had the time to do anything to deserve it#this specific pain I'm feeling feels like a ball of lead lodged between my throat and chest and it just won't go down#BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP HOPING IT'LL TURN AROUND AGAIN#it's not like she didn't warn me when we were friends#like she told me exactly how badly she functions when a relationship turns romantic and it's open and honest#idk what made me think i would be different#maybe cause she said she wanted it to be dofferent#maybe cause i was the first girl she ever liked#maybe i was just a naive arrogant dumbass#as per my usual#GOD NOVEMBER HAS SUCKED ASS SO FAR FUCKING GODDAMNIT#.....tbf i had the best time between july and october i guess. so.#it was a good run#now it's time to act my age#something that she definitely isn't doing#but goddamnit i still want her so much and jesus christ it hurts like#......the things she told me about that guy and the things that guy told me about her#knowing her story and her trauma#and the way she's acting around him now......god#why would i still want someone who treats me like this? what the fuck is wrong with me?#hhhh#it's gonna take some time#but this too shall pass#fuck
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Acomplished very little today.
I'm putting together a single document that contains the random lore posts I can find here, as well as all the stories, shorts, snippets, and even some WIPs. Gonna just...take stock I guess.
It always amazes me just how little there is of Modern Inheritance.
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#sudden lowkey vent post 'cause i saw that shit just right now#imagine like. you're the person who goes and tells their “best friend” that they are simple entertainment for you.#that you're sick of their noise (your friend is going through bad times and it's HARD on them and yk it)#they shut up. time passes#and even after all the distancing. you come to that “friend”#and start your shit. and then complaining how unresponsive they are#bro. you don't even tell me what's the deal. you just dropped the fact and blamed me for the simple polite-but-not-deep response#why should i fucking care? so many times you pissed me off and now what? i should care about person who doesn't mind#shutting up their “best friend” in that manner?#omfg it was always like this. when it's yours problems and triggers it's serious and you're dying drinking blah blah blah#and when it's mine it's not that bad/cope/it isn't serious/just ignore that or advices of which i didn't ask#never asked#they doesn't even work. have you tried them before saying at the first place?#when all you want is a simple “it'll get better i promise” and you don't get it even when you fucking ask. directly. humiliating isn't it?#four years of eating shit. i guess i'm done. sometimes it's better to be alone than to be w someone like this#still haven't got enough strength to say a direct bye to this moron tho. well i hole i'll find it soon#*i HOPE it's HOPE oh god i think i should get some sleep
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Btw here's the updated playlist! Currently listening to it and getting stuff ready to record later.
#spicy rambles#songs to fuck to#there's less buttrock I promise#also shorter but I have a feeling it'll grow as time passes#spicy rambles in tags#Spotify
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I know it's useless to get mad at the dog, she's just a hyperactive little thing who doesn't know how to behave yet. She's left home alone for at least 6 hours every day and she's bored, I can't blame her for tearing apart her training pads or shitting all over the place. Even if I did, she must have done it hours ago, dogs don't get that actions that happened so long ago have consequences and all me yelling at her will result in is her being scared of me. I know all that, I do
So WHY am I still so angry at her?? Why does it feel satisfying to lash out and see her scurry away??? She doesn't deserve to be treated like that, she doesn't know any better. And I don't know how to teach her to know better, I don't have the patience for it. She deserves better than me
#I just feel so.. impossibly helpless#here's this tiny creature that depends on me for eveything. that I asked for. that I wanted. and I can't even take care of her properly#I struggle cleaning up after myself. let alone a dog. and I really hate having to handle her shit#I know it's a matter of time. a matter of training#eventually I'll be able to take her on walks and all this won't be an issue anymore#but it is now and I cannot control how much it's pissing me off#if I wasn't alone it would be easier. but I am. so everything falls on me#I'm trying my best and it's just not enough#and my mom will be mad at me because I didn't walk her today even though I promised I would bc it's the last warm day we're supposed to have#but what am I supposed to do if she won't let me take her outside?? she's okay with her harness but the leash scares her#she just stands there hunched over and refuses to move. and cries#I can't force her. I don't want walks to be something she's scared of#but mom is annoyed that getting her used to being leashed takes so long. she insists that forcing her outside is the best course of action#and I can't even tell if she's right or not. I just want my honeybun to be happy and not scared#I feel like crying. I've been barely holding back for the last hour#it's just so so much#it'll pass and settle. I know it will. but I'm just exhausted#now I'll have to admit to everyone that I wasn't able to walk her again...#and that I don't know what to do with her#I don't regret asking for her. I really don't. I've wanted a dog for years#but maybe the timing of exam year + beginning of the colder months wasn't the greatest#and I started my period the day she arrived. so that.. just adds to the emotional instability#I'll get over it. I'll handle everything in time. I just.. wish I had someone to support me#or at least someone who wouldn't tell me 'well what did you expect? owning a dog is hard work. you can't just play all the time.#maybe you should have thought about that responsibility more' I KNOW. I HAVE. I JUST.. have my moments of frustration#that I wish I could express without everyone. including my own mind. telling me I'm a terrible pet owner#that's all#I adore my dog and I would never hurt her or subject her to any harm#but I'm also human and very mentally ill at that. I'm not perfect but I'm not bad. and she deserves better than that#but we're stuck with each other now. I could never give her up. I'm attached already. so... we'll make it work. one way or another. I swear
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