#I probably shouldn't have cropped it so much

[pelahnar]

I don't understand why people are still reblogging this after I got the most perfect screenshot months ago:

Nah one straw is no problem bro. I'm the strongest camel ever, I'm carrying like TEN THOUSAND straw right now. If I can handle ten thousand straw then what's one straw gonna do? Stands to reason. Just chuck it on bro, it'll be fine.

[himbosandhardwear]

"Look who's talking, Mr Ponytail and a Crop Top," Steve says with a smartass grin.

Eddie looks down. "Huh?"

"You," he waves toward Eddie's general vicinity, "looking like some kinda Metal Cheerleader." He noticably swipes his tongue over his bottom lip.

Okay. This is it, this is the perfect moment to tell Steve he's sending signals that he definitely doesn't understand he's sending.

"Steve," he has to clear his throat before continuing, "I need to tell you something."

He leans in, wide eyed and focused. "Yeah?"

That's not helpful. "Um. So, to guys like me... Gay," he chokes out, still hard to say aloud even though he knows Steve knows, "sometimes you say things or do things that come off as...flirty. And I know you didn't know," he rushes to explain, "but I wanted to make you aware. To not do that. You know, in case the wrong person overhears it. It's a safety concern," he finishes lamely. Safety concern! Ugh. More like 'You're breaking my heart, I can't take much more of it.'

He waits for Steve to say something but he's just blinking owlishly.

"Steve?" He prompts, concerned.

"......yeah?" He finally seems to come back to himself. His eyes drift away, over Eddie's shoulder. "So...you want me to stop flirting?"

"Yeah, just in case, you never know who-" Wait. What? "What?"

Steve still isn't looking him in the eye. "What?" He mumbles.

"Did you say..." He can't even repeat it, it sounds like putting words in his mouth, but he did say that, right?

"Yeah. Sorry. I'll stop. I didn't realize it was bad, I guess. I thought... It's stupid. Nevermind. I'm gonna, um, take off actually. I'll see ya around, maybe."

He hops off the back of the van and actually starts walking away, like they're not 6 miles from his house. That snaps Eddie out of the paralysis spell he was under, adrenaline taking over like a bump of cocaine.

"No!" He shouts, like an insane person, and then takes it one step further by jumping up and tackling Steve into the grass.

"Uggff," Steve grunts when Eddie accidentally shoulders him in the gut, but he ignores the embarrassment in favor of crawling up his body so they're eye to eye.

He gets Steve's face between two hands and smooshes it. "Were you flirting with me on purpose?" He shouts.

"Are you serious?" He mumbles, half coherent, through pursed lips. "I'm gonna jump into the quarry."

"Answer the question!" He rattles Steve's head a little bit, for good measure.

"I work for Scoops Ahoy." Steve deadpans, unamused.

Eddie is going to throw one hell of a tantrum in a second. "Steve."

He smacks Eddie's hands away from his face. Doesn't bother to move out from under Eddie, he notes absently. "Yes, dude, obviously I was flirting with you on purpose! I thought that was, like, an understood thing that was happening. Why are you surprised?"

He feels like he's losing his mind. Why are you surprised the grass is made out of taffy? Would've made more sense as a question.

"Because you're straight." The duh is implied.

Sensibly, he asks, "Why would I flirt with you if I was straight?"

Eddie becomes very aware of every inch they are pressed together. Aware of the sound of the leaves rubbing together in the wind, aware of Judas Priest still playing through his speakers. Love Bites is a hell of a track to be having this revelation to.

"You're not straight?"

"No."

"And you were flirting?"

"Yes."

"With me?"

He rolls his eyes, not an ounce of bitchiness lost to his embarrassment. "No, Eddie, with the crusty blanket on your van floor. Yes, of course with you- Mmmphh!"

They probably shouldn't be making out on the ground at Settlers Quarry in broad daylight but, honestly, the shambling corpse of Jason Carver could show up right now and Eddie would not give two shits. Steve slides a hand down the back of Eddie's pants, grabbing what little bit of ass cheek he has, and Eddie thinks, Hope you're watching from hell, you bastard. Enjoy the show.

[kill4luvina]

"Too Much!"

TattooArtist!Ony x Black!Reader

Summary : Y/N asks her boyfriend for a new tattoo under her tits, after telling her over and over again it'll hurt he finally agrees, he starts only for the exact thing he wanted to prevent happening. So, he evens out the pain by getting her a vibrator as he continues doing the tattoo on her, only to end up fucking her <3

Warning(s): SMUT, NOT PROOF READ AT ALL, Vibrator Usage, uh probably more but idk.

(Idc, Ony got cornrows here like anyway)

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"Babbyyy, Please?" You were on your knees begging to your boyfriend as you held out your phone showing him the under boob tattoo you badly wanted. "No, you gon be cryin, that shi hurt like a bitch." he'd mutter rolling his eye trying to look everywhere put your face. "B-but" you'd start sniffling and tearing up, he had spoiled you way too much, and honestly it was too late to stop. "fuck.. okay.." he'd finally give in making you jump into his arms in excitement.

The next day, you came into his privet room in the back of the tattoo shop. You were wearing a white mini crop top showing your under boobs with a short black mini skirt that barely covered your ass with pretty black Gucci Strappy Sandal Heels. You'd hug your boyfriend in excitement thanking him again for letting you have it on the house, like you always do. It was a trade actually, he'd give you free tattoo's and you'd braid his hair whenever he wanted. "I shouldn't let you pop out no where dressed like this no more.." He'd sigh noticing the pretty under ass tattoo he had done for you months ago with his name, having flashbacks to when you cried your heart out until he had fingers plunged in you to even out the feeling of pain.

"Ony! You didn't tell me it hurt this bad!!" You'd scream as soon as it made contact with your skin, instantly triggering him as his left eye twitched at the statement you made. "I didn't what?" He asked looked up at you, eyes focusing on you and ngl he looked mad asl. "You said this shit last time too!" He'd say annoyed as he ignored you for about 5 minutes until you start crying. Eyes filled with tears sobbing as you brought your hands up to try and clean your overflowing tears. "Alright, stop crying mamas, give me a second." He'd say getting up taking off his gloves as he went into his drawer bringing out a new vibrator that wasn't open yet.

"Got it just for you, i didn't think you deserved it tho." He say sitting back in his seat as he watched you trying to clean your face quickly still sniffling as your face was now a mess but you still looked so cute in his eyes. He'd open you legs as he ripped off the packaging off the vibrator resting his right hand on your pussy giving you small circles making you moan as he gave you a sloppy kiss. "Feeling better?" he's ask watch you nod your head, feeling you get completely wet at just the contact of his fingers. He'd take the vibrator and turn it on low, he had bought you a pink Rabbit Vibrator. It was basically a penetrative vibrator that offered simulation to your clit to.

He's slowly slide if in before licking his fingers and putting his gloves back on as you moaned trying your hardest not to move as your legs clamped together. "Stay still.." he's say blankly as he continued your tattoo as you didn't even know how to feel at that moment, hands holding tightly to whatever you could find. This would go on for about another 25 mintues until he'd stop as you start twitching from your second orgasm somehow. He'd take off his gloves before pulling out the now soaked vibrator putting it too the side. Standing up he'd pull down his grey nike sweat pants to reveal his erection that had been twitching between his pants since this session had started.

Not being able to hold himself back anymore he'd push himself into you making you moan loudly as you quickly wrapped your arms around his neck giving him sloppy kisses as he fucked you completely senseless as you babble telling him how much you love him. Crying when as he started leaving marks all over your neck finding you sensitive spot attacking it solely leaving you completely helpless. "Ony! Thank uuu!" You'd moan tears leaving your eyes as you came on him, twitching as squirting all over him as he came right after you.

He'd lay there for a moment giving you soft kisses as he whispered "Anytime my love.." Noticing you start to fall asleep knowing that you'd probably ask him to add onto this tattoo some other day noticing he hadn't completely finished it but it looked close enough to done.

LOL WHEN HE WENT OUT TO GET A BOTTLE OF WATER HE OPENED THE DOOR AND SAW A SMALL GROUP OF EMPLOYIES AND COSTUMERS AT THE DOOR LISTENING IN. LIKE BYE.

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[losergames]

Chop Shop is strictly 18+ for language, themes, and potential explicit content. 

🔗 - Game Intro | Bug Report | Ko-Fi

Episode Three is now available! (+ 86,000) - PLAY HERE

Get your first taste of the underground car scene.

Meet some other players in the game.

Be made an offer.

5 achievements up for grabs!

And more!

AN: thank you so much for the patience - i've been dying to put this update out. lots of new characters and lots of variation!! there are 3 major paths to choose between in this ep, i recommend trying them all out! and thank you to my betas for keeping me sane lmao

This update comes with a patch and UI refresh (Version 1.1.2) Notes are under the cut. If preferred, you can access them in game in the start menu.

STORY

EPISODE 01:

MC should now be able to smoke! Buying cigarettes at the shop was not triggering correctly. If playing with an old save, you DO NOT have to restart as code at the beginning of EP 03 has resolved the error. Player will need to restart if they wish to read smoking related scenes in previous episodes.

Updated MC Name selection. Player can now choose from a list of names instead of having to input one to proceed.

Player can now give Taha their chocolate bar if it's in their inventory.

When asking Maz about their scars, the second choice 'You want to ask about it but you're going to keep your mouth shut.' should now take you to the correct response.

Extended and updated 'End Game' scenes.

EPISODE 02:

If MC is faint after exiting the car, but also drunk, they should now get the fainting scene, followed by Dilani helping the MC in the bathroom.

UI + TECHNICAL

SETTINGS:

Autoname Save is now defaulted to ON. This is to add ease and flow to gameplay, especially for mobile, tablet, and app users, instead of calling for an inputted saved name. If player wants to input save names, toggle Autoname Saves to OFF.

Autoname Save previously only used the forename of the MC but now includes the surname as well.

Removed the Fullscreen toggle as it is only intended for desktop use. Player can still toggle fullscreen function via the UI bar on the desktop interface.

Added a choice indicator toggle. (This probably won't come into effect until EP 04 or 05)

Changed serif font from Vollkron to EB Garamond.

OTHER:

Changing the MC's pronouns via the Dashboard has been updated. Additionally, after confirmation will take player back to the Dashboard and not close the dialog boxes entirely.

Hovering over 'Personality', 'Motives', and 'Skills' titles in the Dashboard will now display an information box with a definition. Mobile and tablet users will need to tap on the title.

'Resume Game' now only appears on the main menu when there is an autosave in the saves log.

Choices styling changes.

General UI and button style changes.

Fixed errors with the text message styling.

Added styling for reading text off of a page in game.

Darkened blue in light theme 'Skyline' to reduce eye strain.

CREATE A SAVE

Introducing Create a Save! This feature allows players to quickly manufacture a save file and start at a later point in the game.

Set your identity, appearance, history, and statistics; including personality, motives, and skills. Continue to set key decisions made in previous episodes.

Randomise options available for creating a PC and key decisions.

OTHER

Fixed gaps and spacing issues.

Minor phrasing and sentence structure changes.

Grammar and typo fixes.

whew -- that's a lot of patch notes! apologies for so much that needed to be fixed.

this update shouldn't break/ mess with saves but as a disclaimer i will say, if you spot anything funky, broken, or you don't think things are triggering correctly, try starting a new save. the new create a save feature is incredibly code heavy, and it's been tested relentlessly, but i wouldn't be surprised if something crops up.

if starting a new save doesn't resolve your issue - please submit to bug report or just send me an ask/message.

some things have been meaning to get fixed for Some Time - thank you to everyone that is using the bug report form!

apologies if there are typos and/or bugs - this was a long one to edit and my lovely betas did an OUTSTANDING job reading so much for ep 3 - thank you so much again!!! this time i am going to give it a bit more time before i put together a patch so i can grab more error responses haha.

create a save has also added a wee chunk to the word count, somewhere around 6k, but i'm not including it in the episode 03 word count as it's purely code. so, if you think the total wc is off, that's why!

if you've read this far, happy reading and thank you so much for the continued support!! :) - becky <3

[trippinsorrows]

looking through your eyes + twenty four

authors note: this one gets pretty heavy. the next two chapters will also be heavy at points. please heed to cw/tw's.

cw/tw: fluff, angst, brief discussion of childhood sexual assault and child abuse, scene of violence against women

*this author does not condone nor support intimate partner/domestic violence.*

song inspo: ‘looking through your eyes’ by leann rimes

masterlist +story playlist + taglist request form

words: 12k

“Roman…” His name leaving her mouth is the perfect combination of breathy and whiny. “We–re gonna be late.”

For the first time in what feels like an hour, Roman lifts his head from her neck. She hates how noticeable the absence of his mouth is. “You really think I care about that?”

No. She knows he doesn’t care. But, she also dislikes being the reason for them being late. Because she's certain he has plans afterwards, and it doesn’t sit well with her knowing that she could play any type of role in any inconvenience he may encounter.

Her eyes shut as he brings his mouth back to her neck, sucking the spot that he’s clearly realized she has the most visceral response to. Toes curling, clawing at his shoulders and arms, it’s hard to tell who’s enjoying this more. Him or her.

Still, she manages to protest. “But, I—I care.”

Big hands traveling her body, she sighs quietly when he cups the swell of her breast giving her a gentle squeeze that has her thighs unintentionally gripping his waist. “You should have thought about that before you put this damn outfit on….”

Said outfit isn’t anything crazy, nothing fancy, just a cropped, sleeveless hoodie and dark yoga pants. However, it's the stretchy material that clings to clearly every part of her that he seemingly finds irresistible. Namely her ass and chest. Still, it's the typical type of outfit she would wear to train, which is exactly where they should be headed to right now. Though it seems her husband has another much more carnal destination in mind.

Blush growing, she tries again. “Roman, I—I’m serious.” His tongue circling across her inflamed skin as she groans against him. “You’re gonna l–leave another mark.”

“Good.” His response doesn’t entirely surprise her. Neither does the explanation. “You’re mine, and everyone needs to fucking know that shit.”

Mine

There’s something about that, something about his delivery, so strong and borderline aggressive that makes her insides melt a tad. Makes her smile grow. A good bit, she’s certain, stemming from the fact that it still blows her mind sometimes that a man like Roman Reigns could want her. Does want her. Even with all her….baggage.

He wants her.

Loves her.

For some reason, this makes it a bit easier to slide into that space of comfort and indifference he has regarding time and obligation. Makes her arch her chest into him as he stays true and firm to his determination in leaving her with his mark. 

Though she’s not sure just what about this current situation makes her decide to bring this up now, it’s something she knows she really shouldn't push off anymore.

“R–Ro?”

He makes a sound against her. “Yes?”

“I—I need a favor.”

He sighs against her, lifting his head from her neck to match her nervous gaze. “Solana, doing things for you is never a favor.” He brings his hand to her chin, thumb caressing her skin. “It’s my job as your husband.”

His response, thus far, chips away some of the anxiety. Some. “But, this—this is kinda big.”

Eyes narrowing slightly, he asks, “how big?”

It feels kind of silly, Solana briefly dropping her gaze to his black shirt that’s stretched against his broad chest. “I—I need money.”

Roman just looks at her for a second, a huge smile breaking out on his face. “You need money?” 

She nods. Slowly. “It’s—it’s a lot of money though.”

“I think we have different definitions of what a lot is, but go on.”

He’s probably not wrong, but that doesn’t negate the fact that the proposed amount of money probably needed is substantial compared to the average loan. Solana sits up fully, forcing Roman to also stand upright. He tugs her to the edge, her hands on his chest. “It’s…..it’s for Dr. Stratus.”

At that, she’s clearly lost him. “You need money for your psychiatrist?”

“Not—not like that.” Solana closes her eyes, taking a deep breath as she tries to gather her thoughts. “The girls were telling me they overheard that Dr. Stratus couldn’t secure an investor to keep the facility going and may have to shut down.”

He remains confused. “Okay…..”

“Roman, I don’t want that to happen.” She closes her eyes, thinking back to some of the information Gail has provided her as well as readings from her book. “Did you—did you know that 1 out of every 6 American women has either been raped or survived of an attempted rape?” Closing her eyes, she murmurs, “I was one of the ones.” Taking another breath, she notices his expression is darker. “But there are a lot more ones out there, Roman, and they need help just like I did. Dr. Stratus has a really great thing going, and I don’t—I don’t want to see it go away. I want—”

“Okay.”

She frowns. “Okay?”

“I’ll do it.”

Her stomach flutters. “Really?” She’s not sure what she was expecting, but for some reason, him so easily agreeing seems almost too good to be true.

Roman shrugs, pushing back some of her hair. “It’s important to you, and it clearly is, so I’ll do it.” That’s it. Nothing else. Just acquiescence.

“But, you don’t even know how much—”

“Doesn’t matter. You want it. I’ll make it happen.”

It’s overwhelming, really. Solana didn’t really think he would be upset with her request. She figured he’d want or need to think about it, which makes sense given it’s probably going to be in the six, maybe even seven figure range. But, that’s not the case. Instead, he’s just agreed without a second thought simply because she wants it.

Because it’s important to her.

Eyes watering, she throws her arms around him, hugging him. “Thank you.” It’s such a simple thing to say for such a big task. But, she also means it from the deepest part of her. For a man who doesn’t seem to think he’s a good person, she thinks the world of him. 

The same way she’s certain their child will. 

“While we’re on it, there’s something I need to talk to you about, too.”

And just like that, her smile is wiped, Solana pulling back and looking up. "Oh—okay.”

Something tells her she’s not going to like what she’s about to hear.

Roman’s intense eyes are focused on her, his index finger tracing along her jaw. “I have to go out of town next week.”

Yeah……definitely not something she wanted or expected to hear.

“Oh.” It’s all she knows how to say initially. Finally, more words arrive. A necessary question asked. “Where are you going?”

He hesitates. “Italy.”

Her eyes widen. That definitely isn’t what she expected him to say. Domestic travel was the guess, international never even being something that crossed her mind. “Italy?”

He nods, explaining on the edge of a heavy sigh. “I have some…..business to take care of with the Cosa Nostra.”

Solana is quiet, sitting on his words, partially hoping he’ll say more. Granted, it’s not a necessity as she’s able to piece the puzzle together herself. “That’s why your cousins were here that night…..isn’t it?” His silence is all the answer she needs. “It’s bad, isn’t it?”

“No.” Though his answer is immediate, there’s something about it that was too instantaneous. Like he blurted it out without even thinking about it. “Just…..something I need to handle.”

It’s a bit manipulative. She knows this, but it’s hard for her to have something like this sprung on her and not ask any follow up questions. “Can….can I come with you?”

Again, his response is something she already guessed before even fixing her mouth to ask. Another heavy sigh as he gently cups her cheek. “Not this time.”

“Because it’s dangerous.” And there’s the manipulation component. Solana has realized that will always be the dealbreaker for Roman when it comes to her. Safety. So, him saying no makes her concerned not for her wellbeing. 

But for his.

Anxiety growing, she asks, “are the twins going with you? You can’t go alone.”

“I won’t be alone.” That helps her feel a little better. Just a little. “But, they’re not coming. I need them here. Handling shit.” It’s hard for Solana to wonder if any part of what went down between Roman and Jey has impacted this decision for them to remain here while he travels abroad. 

Still, that’s another thought for another day. She has a much bigger issue at hand.

“So who—”

“Solana.” Roman’s voice silences the next set of anxiety riddled questions scheduled to leave her mouth. He lowers his volume, his tone softer than anything anyone outside of her would ever hear. “I’ll be fine.”

For some reason, that only cranks her anxiety up from a 6 to a solid 8. And it’s without much thought, she finds herself asking, “do you have to go?”

He truly looks apologetic. A visible thing that also matches the verbal. “I’ve been pushing it off. I can’t push it off anymore.”

She swallows, emotion thick and bubbling. “Because of me?”

“Because of a lot of things, Sol.” And to her surprise, there’s some semblance of emotion present in his voice as well. “The—the story with that side of my family is…..complicated.” As it seems are most things when it comes to his family. Either side, apparently. “Trust me, going there is the last thing I want, but it needs to be done.”

Solana hates this. For a lot of reasons. The biggest one, however, is because she just knows there’s something he’s not telling her. A key part he’s omitting, probably for fear of worrying her. Never mind the fact that she’s already an anxious mess thinking about him being so far away without at least the twins there to have his back. She’d bet this Dwayne and Matteo person will be present, but she doesn’t know them. Doesn’t trust them. Doesn’t trust them to have her husband’s back. 

Not like Jimmy and Jey.

Even with the altercation between Roman and the latter, she still believes in her heart of hearts they’d look out for each other.

Like brothers.

“How long will you be gone?” Because trying to convince him to stay or even allow her to accompany him is the equivalent of beating a dead horse. 

More hesitation. “A week. Maybe two.”

The duration truly could be worse, and it makes sense such a long trip wouldn’t warrant a short turnover, but that doesn’t make the idea of him being gone for that period of time any easier to stomach. 

When she says nothing, he brings his other hand to her hair, pushing a section behind her ear. “Nia will stay with you until I return.”

And the surprises just keep coming. “Nia?” She knows the list of people Roman would ask to do such a thing is pretty limited, nonexistent maybe, but Nia is the last of the last she’d have considered. “She—why would she agree to that?”

Nia’s behavior around and toward Solana has shifted moderately since their first meeting so many months ago. She’s still not the nicest, per se, but Solana has learned a large part of that is nothing personal. It’s just Nia. So, while she’s not against it, she does, however, not understand it. 

“I told you before, people do what I want them to do because no one wants to deal with the alternative. Nia is no different.” Forced. He’s forced her to do this. That’s all Solana took from that, the frown on her face deepening it. “She’ll really just be here to administer your meds and make sure you get to therapy.” 

And she figured as such, figured that would be the basis as to why he would ensure another person is present in his absence. Still, Solana can’t stop herself from trying to broach an option she’s almost certain he won’t want to hear.

“Ro, I don’t—I can take care of that mys—”

“No.” It’s so firm and final. Even his gaze has shifted into something almost hardened. “That’s not an option.”

She figured it wasn’t. She also wonders, however, if it ever will. It has to, at some point. Solana wants to also ask why it can’t be Bayley again, or even Naomi, but it’s most likely to earn her the same type of shutdown. 

If not worse.

Roman steps back, guiding her off the bathroom counter. Standing back on her own two feet, Solana is taken back for a second by the almost instant lightheaded feeling that comes over her. Or less lightheaded and more…..exhaustion.

“You alright?”

She looks up, forcing a small smile. “Yeah. I’m—I’m good.” That’s debatable, because Solana is all of a sudden feeling exhausted from literally doing nothing but making out with her husband. 

Roman, as expected, looks unconvinced. “You sure?” He goes into his spiel that she’s heard at least three times now. “You know you don’t have to jump right back into things. I still think you should take more time off—”

“No.” Her hand shifts to her stomach, Solana grateful this doesn’t seem to trigger something for him. “I—I want to fall back into my routines.” Even more, and most important, if she truly is pregnant, Solana doesn’t want to waste any time left she has to do so before being too far along to train.

But, he can’t have that explanation. Not yet.

And now she has to figure out just when said explanation can occur, because how does she tell her husband they’re expecting days before he’s set to go out of town for possibly two weeks?

Damn.

————

“You’re late.” It’s the first thing to come out of a smirking Bayley’s mouth as Solana walks in with Roman into the training area. ‘But, the outfit is cute.”

Solana smiles at that, a bit of a laugh leaving her considering Roman nearly had a heart attack at her outfit when she stepped out the bathroom. Hence why they’re late. Among…..other reasons. 

“I’m sorry. We got caught up with something.”

“Mmmhmm,” Naomi sounds with that knowing look. “I’m sure you did.”

Solana looks away, wanting and needing to hide her blush as Roman asks in an annoyed voice, “where is he?”

“Here.” The four of them redirect their attention to the sound of Jimmy and the other two men he’s with: Jey and Carmelo.

Naturally, Solana goes to observe the indirect interaction between Jey and Roman, searching for any sigh of contempt. It’s definitely there. She can see it in the way Roman’s shoulders tense and how Jey looks away, Solana noticing the faded bruises on his face as well as the bandage over a still healing cut.

Swallowing, Solana moves over to them. “Hey.” 

Jimmy pulls her into a side hug without needing initiation, but it’s not missed upon her how Jey seems to hesitate to hug her, the tension in his body as well as the way he almost awkward way he clears his throat and looks away. 

She tries not to make too much of it, but it’s hard not to.

Carmelo steps forward, giving a nod. “Ma’am.”

That makes her smile return. “I told you before, you can just call me Solana.”

“Ma’am is fine,” Roman’s deep voice cuts through, Solana not needing to turn around, hearing his heavy footsteps behind her. “You’re late.”

Carmelo swallows. “I’m sorry—”

“I don’t care,” Roman is instantly dismissive, focusing his attention on his wife as he goes into an unnecessary introduction. “Solana, this is—”

“I know,” she cuts him off with a gentle smile, explaining, “I met him at the party.”

At that, Romans’ thick eyebrows cave inward. “What?”

“He was there, Big Dog.”

‘“I–I was there, sir.”

Roman scowls, completely ignoring his cousin and the other irrelevant man. “He was?” He looks over at his wife, asking, “you invited him too?”

Solana nods. “I asked the twins to invite whoever it was you found to help me train, because I wanted to meet him beforehand,” she explains, turning to Carmelo again, “thank you again for—agreeing to help me.”

Carmelo opens his mouth, unsure just how to express that he didn’t really have much of a choice in the matter. Or one at all. 

“He was there the whole time,” Naomi shares from where she stretches on one of the mats, Jimmy focused on her ass as she bends over. 

“You were too busy trying not to kill and cuss everybody out,” Bayley walks over, earning a hardened look from Roman that she pays no mind to. “Alright, so Solana is obviously a small human being, but she’s fast and hell and can maneuver quickly. That makes her hard to catch. Those are her strengths. She’s also pretty damn good with a knife.” Solana is a bit unsure how to feel about that part. “But, she’s only ever trained with women, hence why you’re here, Melo.”

“She also wants to learn how to do the spear.”

Roman’s statement earns a round of surprised expressions from everyone except Carmelo.

He looks terrified. “The—the spear?” He gestures with a crooked, slightly trembling index finger. “From—from you?”

“Who the fuck else?” Is Roman’s objectively rude reply, Solana having to stop herself from placing her hand on his forearm. He could try to be a little nicer. 

“You supposed to get a spear from him?” A new voice sounds, Solana not recognizing the man with a deep complexion, multiple piercings and an….interesting hairstyle. He shakes his head. “You gon die!”

Solana’s mouth drops as Bayley and Naomi laugh aloud. Jimmy is the one to ask, “R Truth, where did you even come from?”

He scowls, pointing downward. “Boss man said meet him here.”

“I said at the office, Truth. Not the Warehouse.” Jey finally speaks, Solana realizing it’s the first time he’s done so. He sounds annoyed, and she’s not sure if it’s just because of the scene unfolding before them. Or something that he’s clearly still not over.

“Yo? Forreal?” Jey runs his hand over his face. “That’s—that’s my bad.” He looks to Roman, nodding. “Tribal Chief.” He looks at Solana, again nodding, “Mrs. Tribal Chief.” He then gestures to the rest of the group. “Ya’ll be safe now.” Pointing to Carmelo, he adds, “‘cept’ for you, you already dead.”

Solana has so many questions, even as this strange man walks away, Jey muttering something incoherent before he seems to follow after this R-Truth person. 

Once those two men are gone, Carmelo nervously clears his throat. “Tribal Chief, if I can, who better to train her than y—”

“Shut up,” Roman says it so lazily. It’s as he crosses his massive arms over each other that Solana has to briefly look away, finding herself growing….distracted. He’s so damn muscular. “She’s comfortable with me. That won’t help her learn.”

Roman easily transitions into providing basic information about the spear, best ways to time it, stances, ways to land it and whatnot. She’s following, as best she can, at least. Because this exhaustion she’s experiencing is making it ten times harder to be present in the moment, and that’s made evident by the gap in her focus when one moment Roman is explaining, and the next he’s rushing towards Carmelo.

Solana gasps as Roman spears the other man with a ferocity and intensity that seems almost animal-like.

Eyes wide, hands over her mouth, Solana has to wince at a pain she didn’t even experience. But, one didn’t have to be on the receiving end of that to know it had to hurt like hell. 

Roman stands up so unbothered and nonchalant, readjusting his almost always perfect bun.

“Gotta give him his props. No one does a spear quite like Roman,” Bayley chuckles, arms crossed as Solana continues to stare in shock.

Jimmy casually walks by and peers over an unmoved Carmelo. “Ayo, Uce, I think he dead.” The faintest sound of pained whining fills the air, prompting Jimmy to correct himself. “Never mind. He alive.”

“Barely,” Naomi mumbles.

“He shouldn’t be so weak,” is Roman’s pompous defense as he redirects his attention to a still startled Solana. “Make sense?”

There’s a brief delay in between the time she nods slowly and speaks. “But, I—I don’t think I can do that.”

A small smile falls on Roman’s face as he explains, “it’s not going to be the exact same, Solana. I’m significantly bigger than you. Plus, spearing a man is different than spearing a woman.”

“What if I need to spear a man?”

His expression hardens as he affirms, “he’d have to get through me first to fucking touch you.”

Solana doesn’t say anything after that. Just waits for Carmelo to recover as they transition to the one-on-one portion. Solana is rolling her shoulders, trying to get in as much stretching as she can to hopefully loosen up her body more and shed away the almost fatigue she’s feeling.

It’s unfamiliar and inconvenient as hell considering what she’s about to do.

She’s in earshot range too when Roman grabs Melo’s arm and warns in the chilliest tone, “leave one fucking mark on her, and I’ll break every bone in your goddamn body.”

A heavy sigh leaves her body. She understands Roman’s protectiveness, but truthfully, Carmelo is doing them a favor. He doesn’t have to be here. 

Then again….maybe he does.

She doesn’t put it beyond her husband to threaten people on her behalf. 

Not in the slightest.

And on one hand, she’s partially grateful for the obvious care and mindfulness Carmelo is utilizing as he trains with her, it’s definitely helpful from her trauma standpoint. Helps for them to not be as physical as she typically is with Bayley and Naomi. 

However, it's painfully obvious that Carmelo is doing his damn hardest to minimize any and all physical contact between the two of them. A part of her appreciates it, but a larger part of her finds it a bit annoying. It’s sparring. Not interpretive dancing. 

Solana manages to swipe Carmelo off his feet, growing a bit frustrated when he intentionally takes longer to get up. “This doesn't help me,” she sighs, hands on her hips as she takes a second to steal a much needed breath. “Roman, can you please tell him—”

She’s cut off by being swiped by her ankles, tumbling forward to the floor. Carmelo is suddenly over her, flipping her onto her back, Solana not hesitating to move her knee between his stupidly open legs. He groans from the impact, and she takes that opportunity to bar her forearm across his neck, switching them so that he’s on his back with her hovering over him.

However, anything more is cut short by that small interaction alone knocking the wind out of her.

Climbing off him, she moves onto her hands and knees, eyes shut and head dropped. Neither from feeling triggered or even being in pain, just exhaustion.

She’s so damn drained. 

In what feels like seconds, Roman is at her side, hand on her back. “Solana, what’s wrong?”

She shakes her head, answering quickly, “I’m just—tired.” More than what’s normal for her. Training is usually draining, but considering they haven’t even been at it that long, she’s confused as to why she’s getting so winded. Lifting her head, she offers a small smile. “I’m fine.”

“No.” Roman dismisses it with the quickness, directing to the others. “We’re done for the day.”

“Roman, I’m fine. I’m just—probably out of shape.” Maybe, but this feels beyond that. She’s just so fatigued. He helps her to her feet, Solana trying to bargain, “at least let me finish with Bayley?”

He’s not hearing it. “No. You clearly need to ease back into things.” She frowns. I thought I was. “Head to the showers.”

“Roman—”

“He’s right, Solana,” Naomi suddenly sounds, walking over with Bayley. “You’re clearly tired and just need to ease back into and relearn some things. That’s okay. We can do this another day. When you’re at 100.”

“Or maybe she can just continue to train with ya’ll—”

And in perfect synchronized dismissiveness, Roman, Bayley, and Naomi all shut Carmelo down with a simple, “shut up.”

It cracks a smile on Solana’s face. The fact that the majority of them are in agreement is enough to make her realize that they’re probably right in that she should try another day. Maybe even easing back into it. Not necessarily the part about relearning. She remembers everything. Recall is not the problem. This fatigue is, but a part of her is starting to think she knows what it might be.

Just why she’s so fatigued.

And in true Jimmy fashion, he blurts out with the ill timed question, “aye, Soso, what’s for dinner today?”

————

“So why exactly are you fighting again?”

It’s not the first time she’s asked this question. No, it’s been posed at least three different times prior to this occurrence. Just different wording. A different question that’s garnered the same kind of answer every single time. 

A part of her recognizes this, but a part of her also doesn’t care.

Solana has always been under the impression, and has essentially been told by several people, Roman included, that he doesn’t really fight in the ring anymore. That he doesn’t need to. That he doesn’t have anything to prove to anyone, and those words came from him directly.

So, she was and still is, confused when he told her of a match he was competing in. The theme of the fight night being Bad Blood not helping much. At all.

Still, there was no way in hell she would miss attending. Even if her presence wasn’t something that’s technically mandatory. She wants to support him. She’s just nervous about the notion of him being in the ring again, recalling the last time she witnessed such a thing. It was brutal and bloody, and while he came out with the win, relatively unscathed, it still makes her nervous. Because there’s always a chance something can go wrong.

Because she always worries about him, and she’s pretty sure she always will. So long as he is who he is.

Roman, however, couldn’t give two shits about this fight with Drew. Tonight is more of a political move than anything, Roman needing a very public and brutal display of his prowess to remind everyone why he sits at the Head of the Table. It’s truly just an added bonus that he gets to kick the shit out of Drew in the process.

Or worse.

Roman is more focused, borderline distracted, by Solana. The sexy red dress she has on leaves little to the imagination with the low neckline, tight fit, and short length that stops about mid-thigh, rolling even higher as she’s propped on the bathroom counter. Her hair is pinned up, and her makeup is on the lighter, almost undetectable, side. His preference. She’s stunning with and without it, but there’s something he enjoys most seeing her in her natural state.

She just looks good as hell, and if not for the importance of this evening, he’d say fuck this damn match and Drew and spend the rest of the evening with her. A much more desirable and preferable option, truly. But, duty and obligation before anything. 

Even his fine ass wife.

Roman waits until he’s slid the black hoodie over his head, smirking a bit at the slight disappointment that appears on Solana’s face at him no longer being shirtless. He decides to slide through that crevice of brief deflection.

“You know the same way you look at me is the same way I look at and think about you.” He’s walking toward her, big hands carefully spreading her thighs so he can step in between her legs. This close, he’s granted a perfect view of her equally perfect breast. “All the damn time.”

He’s unsurprised when her cheeks redden nor when she says anything. “A challenge was issued, and I need to send a message.” That’s a much simpler way of explaining the full scope of just what tonight is, but he also doesn’t want to bombard her with information she doesn’t necessarily need to know.

She licks her lips, and he hates how sexual such an innocent act looks, especially when he knows that’s not her intent. “What—what kind of message?”

A potentially brutal, bloody message, but painting that picture for her beforehand might create some unnecessary anxiety. “A message that won’t need to be repeated.”

That seems to register for her as she asks, “Are—are you nervous?”

That actually makes Roman laugh. He can’t remember the last time he’s felt that emotion. It’s been years. Many decades. Moving his hands to her waist, he tugs her closer to him. “I don’t get nervous, Solana.”

“Ever?”

“Naw.”

She’s still looking at him with that same level of trepidation, maybe even a bit more heightened actually. “But….but you’re still careful, right?” It seems like an otherwise silly question with an obvious answer, but Roman can see where she’s coming from. The fear that fuels it. “Like….like you pay attention and stuff?”

“Of course,” his answer is gentle and patient. Two things reserved strictly and solely for her. “Solana, I’ve been fighting my whole life. I know what I’m doing.”

Her eyes widen, and he just knows he’s in for an unnecessary apology. “Oh, no, I didn’t mean—”

“Baby.” Yup. Just as he predicted. Bringing his hand to the back of her neck, Roman extends that tenderness, explaining, “I know what you meant. You’re worried, and you shouldn’t be. I’ve got this. Alright?”

She nods a little, and he’s relieved to see some of her apprehension has melted away. With the hand still on her hip, he gives her a light squeeze. “Come on.” Roman stays close as she carefully slides off the counter, her heels giving her a bit of a height boost, but not enough to make a substantial difference. He still towers over her.

And it’s in looking down at her from this angle, and the quick glance of her ass in this dress through the bathroom mirror, he makes a face. “Then again….” Roman slides his hand from the back of her neck, down until he’s palming and squeezing her ass. “Maybe this will be a bit of a distraction.”

“Roman!” She yelps, and he groans at the feel of her. She’s so damn fine and thick in all the right areas that it doesn’t even make sense.

He moves to take her hand, kissing it before guiding her out of the bathroom. “Come on. Before your fine ass makes us late.”

She giggles, holding onto his arm while he hits the light switch. “I didn’t even do anything.”

Roman says nothing, because if only she fucking knew.

If only.

————

Solana was half expecting to be separated from Roman once they reached the warehouse, him needing time to prepare for the fight and whatnot. And while the latter part was true, the first wasn’t. She’s thoroughly surprised when he instead guides her to the back with him to his sizable, impressive locker room.

Roman directs Solana to make herself comfortable, which is almost impossible to do.

It’s hard because she can’t stop thinking about the fact that her husband is going to be in the ring with that man who looked like he would have killed Roman right there on the spot, if he could. The same expression she’s certain he’ll have tonight when it’s just the two of them. 

A part of her is starting to wish she would have sat this one out. Stayed home tonight. Her hand falls to her stomach. That irksome, borderline nauseous feeling has been with her all day. On and off the past week, really. Since trying to return to training earlier in the week. She’s certain a chunk of it has been nerves, but the rest of it, maybe most of it, she’s almost certain, is early onset pregnancy symptoms. 

Just thinking about the fact that a baby, her baby, their baby is growing inside of her belly warms her entire soul. Temporarily distracts her from worrying about Roman. To wondering. Wondering which of his features their child will inherit. Will he or she have his dark, raven, wavy hair? His smoldering brown, almost hazel like eyes? Will the baby take after her brunette locks? Her nose?

In all honesty, she only wants a healthy child. That’s the most important thing, but it’s also hard for her to not lean more on the side of wanting the baby to be a boy. She knows how important producing an heir is. For the Bloodline. For Roman. Especially with how he’s gone above and beyond to keep pressure off them, off her regarding their lack of an heir.

It’s the least she can do for him. He deserves it. 

And she’d love more than anything to give it to him.

Roman stepping back into the vicinity briefly pulls her from her thoughts.

“You alright?”

Naturally, her hand falls from her stomach as she manages a small smile and nod. “Yeah.” She takes in his appearance, noticing his hair is wet and drenched, water droplets rolling down that nearly perfect body she’s grown to love pressed against hers. Not even just for sex. Just in general. Roman’s touch is calming to her. 

Climbing down off the table where she sits, she moves over to him. “Are you?”

He chuckles, hand to her hip. “Always.”

She has to believe that. 

Solana goes to kiss him when the Wise Man walks back in, forcing her to settle for a hand to his cheek. “Be careful.”

He clearly hears the presence of someone else and only nods, his eyes conveying the unspoken ‘I love you.’ She just offers him a warm smile before she retracts her hand and moves to leave the room, only providing her husband’s chief advisor a quiet ‘hello.’

Security escorts her up to the same VIP seating area as the last couple of times she’s attended events like this at the Warehouse. And as usual, Bayley and Naomi are already sitting and waiting for her. 

“Had to give your man that good luck quickie right before, huh?”

Bayley’s comment makes Solana blush and aware of the hickey on her neck she didn't even bother trying to hide. Or the one near her breast. 

“She didn’t deny it either,” Naomi snickers, playfully shoving Solana. 

Instead of acknowledging their innuendos, she utilizes an actual productive use of time. “I was thinking.”

“Listening,” Bayley responds, the two ladies keenly focused on the new topic. 

“Roman has to go out of town next week for……business.” She tries to not think too much about that. It’ll only spike her worry. 

“Who’s going to stay with you?” Naomi asks, gesturing to the two of them. “He didn’t ask us.” 

Solana swallows. That's definitely something she wants to work on with him. The fact that he still blames them for what happened. “Nia.”

“Nia?” 

To be fair, Solana had a bit of the same reaction when Roman first told her his cousin would be staying with her. She’s certain it was…..an interesting discussion, to say the least.

Solana shrugs. “She’s not that bad.” And it’s true. Solana has received much worse from people, in terms of treatment. “And it’s really just….to give me my medicine and stuff.” Because Roman seemed vehemently against and shut it down so fast when she even approached the idea of being able to handle it on her own. Not that….not that she can blame him, per se. “But, I was thinking. What if we went to Isla Mujeres for the weekend? Like that girls trip we were talking about.”

“You talk to Roman about it?”

Solana shakes her head, explaining. “Nia would be with us, so I’m sure he’d be fine.” Because she is. Now, if Nia doesn’t come along, then that’s another story. Though something tells her that once she tells Roman she wants to do this, he’ll find a way to make Nia go along with the plan. 

“I think it could be fun,” Naomi shares, rubbing her hands together. “From the pictures you showed us, the beach looks beautiful.”

“It is,” Solana smiles. “I want to invite Cam, Mickie, and Melina too.”

“So do it,” Bayley encourages. “It’s your girls trip. You decide on the guest list. Melina has always been cool. I didn’t know she…..struggled the way she does, but I’ve always liked her.” Solana is appreciative of Bayley’s handling of Melina’s mental health struggles. “And Cam and Mickie seem cool too.”

“They are,” Solana agrees. They really helped her time spent in the hospital and the treatment facility go a lot easier than it could have been. 

As per usual, conversation flows naturally between the ladies only to minimize once the night begins, all three paying attention to the various matches, mostly the ones that pertain to the Bloodline. 

So, really, Jimmy and Jey’s tag team match against two men that Solana doesn’t recognize, which, of course, the twins come out with the win for. And Roman’s match, the last of the night, because no one comes after the Tribal Chief.

The complete shift in energy when Roman enters the space is truly something to behold. His power and dominance is felt in every square inch of the building. Undeniable excellence and power penetrating almost. She can’t take her eyes off him, his face stoic, determined, focused.

She can see why he doesn’t get nervous. He seems so in his element in this space. Even as Drew comes out with that same level of determination, an almost hatred splayed across his face as he looks over at Roman with ardent vitriol.

Her husband, however, is unbothered.

As he is with most things in life.

Still, the fact that Drew is about what and what with Roman in regards to build and size has her anxiety festering. She knows and has seen for herself how flawless Roman is in the ring. That doesn’t mean she can’t worry though. Can’t wait for this to all just be over with so they can go home.

So she can start figuring out just how she wants to tell him about the pregnancy.

But, that’s a then thing, and this is very much here and now.

The sound of the bell fills the Warehouse as the boisterous crowd continues to erupt, excited to see their Tribal Chief in action.

If only she could relate. 

For the most part, the match starts off as expected, Roman being in the lead, staying one or several steps ahead of Drew, expertly dodging or countering hits. Solana is practically on the edge of her seat, chewing on her bottom lip, watching every single piece of the fight. From Roman’s steps to Drew’s lunges to the way both men who seem too large for life go at it like two titans.

Of course, despite looking like one, Roman is no God. He’s still a man, a man who takes several hits from Drew, one making Solana wince. However, she learned from the night of WarGames, Roman hates being hit. It only pisses him off more than he naturally is at any given point. 

And that’s proven in the increased brutality of Roman’s hits, Drew being the first to have blood spilled as Roman smashes his head in the steel staircase. 

It’s a quick shift though that she somehow misses, because Drew suddenly has Roman in a painful looking headlock. One he seems to take too long to get out of, for her comfort. 

Solana moves to the absolute edge of her seat, panic starting to set in the longer Roman’s airway is restricted. And then she sees the way Drew’s mouth moves, the snarl and subsequent smirk as he says something to Roman. Roman’s briefly stunned eyes flickering to hers, but it’s so short, too short to process. Because just as quickly as he was looking at her, he’s managed his way out of the headlock, sending the other man to the ground. Roman wastes no time jumping on top of him, gaining and taking full advantage of the upper hand, raining blow on top of blow on Drew with a pace and aggression that seems almost inhuman.

The light blue of the mat is suddenly splashed and splayed with blood. Drew’s. Roman’s chest and fist also stained, Solana wincing a bit as even from a distance she sees the way Drew's face has become almost disfigured by blood, bruising, and swelling. 

He’s clearly lost consciousness, but that doesn’t stop Roman.

No, instead a deep frown falls on her face as she watches Roman move outside of the ring and lift up the metal staircase that he brings back into the ring with him. She turns her head right before the impact between the steps and the unconscious man.

Unalive man, because there’s no way Drew is still breathing. Not with the severity of the beating. 

Bayley and Naomi are clearly also taken back by witnessing a live murder but clearly do their best not to make it a thing for her sake. She’s appreciative, but it still doesn’t delete her confusion towards Roman’s behavior.

Overkill. Barbaric. Sadistic, almost. 

And with all of that, the confliction she’s experiencing, Solana can only think of one thing, what the hell happened in that ring to bring about that kind of rage in her husband?

————

Roman doesn’t say much to her.

It’s not surprising. She’s not quite sure what there is to say. Him viciously beating a man to death isn’t, at the core of it, something that needs explaining.

That doesn’t stop her from trying to almost dance around the subject. Asks him if he’s feeling alright, if he wants her to fix him anything, and things of the sort. It doesn’t do much. His responses are minimal, a few words to each statement, at best.

It bothers her to know something is bothering him, that he won’t talk to her, but also, Solana can admit she’s not sure how to talk with him about this.

She’d certainly do her best though, if he was actually willing to open up to her. 

She doesn’t force it though, just welcomes his arms around her as they lay in bed, eventually falling asleep together. 

However, Dulce does what Dulce does best and wakes up in the middle of the night, politely reminding her parents of her small bladder. Regardless of her sleep intrusion, Solana is grateful to be able to escort their puppy out of the room without disturbing her husband’s much needed and deserved sleep. 

But, it’s as Dulce seems to take her sweet time finding the perfect spot to relieve herself that Solana frowns. Lifting her hand to her breast, she’s taken back by the tenderness of the touch. New and out of the norm. 

Another……symptom?

Even with the night’s unexpected events, as much as she’s trying to not allow herself to get too excited at the possibility of being pregnant, it’s hard not to. Especially with the strange onset of symptoms she’s been experiencing all week. Some seen before or during her cycle, but some new and unfamiliar. And a quick google search confirmed they in fact could be early pregnancy symptoms.

But still, Solana has gained enough self-introspection to know that a negative test would be…..difficult for her to process. Something she doesn’t really even want to think about, hence why she’s not allowing herself to fully acknowledge that she’s probably pregnant.

Because the alternative would be…..not the desired outcome.

It’s as she observes the backyard, seeing the reflection of the lights above the pool that a random thought crosses her mind. A question, rather. Would they have to cover up the pool when the baby starts crawling? What other changes around the house would have to be implemented for safety reasons? Most definitely, they’d have to stock up on those baby proof outlet covers. And maybe even block off the staircase.

Something tells her any child of her husband would be mobile. On the run. A small smile settles on her face, her hand falling to her belly as she once again mentally puts together what their child will look like. Him. Her. Both of them.

Both would be her preference. Roman would be a close second.

Dulce’s short legs carry her back into the house, her wagging tale eliciting a smile and small laugh. “Good job—”

“Where the hell were you?”

Solana jumps and gasps. Outside of his sudden presence in the living room startling her, Roman's tone and volume indicate a level of irritation that doesn’t quite compute. Doesn’t make sense. Where else would she have been? 

Confused, she answers, “Dulce had to use the bathroom...”

This didn’t seem to be the answer he neither wanted nor needed. His expression is sharp. “So you went out there alone?”

This brings a frown to her face, a contrast to her almost jovial disposition not even minutes prior. Solana points out in a calm voice, “Roman, I–I always go alone.”

“Not anymore.” She can’t protest, because he adds. “Wake me up, and if I’m not here, let her use the damn crate.”

“But—”

“You heard what I said!”

His voice bounces off the walls and echoes through the hall, but it’s Solana’s jump away from him that seems to trigger something for Roman. His expression immediately softens. “Shit, I’m sorry, I–I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

She says nothing for a good minute before quickly deciding that beating around the bush isn’t the way to go in this situation.

She needs to be direct.

“Ro….what happened tonight?” 

She’d briefly played around with the idea of bringing it up to him or letting it lie. Obviously, the latter is not the best route to go. “You….you were off. You lost control, and that’s….that’s not like you.”

In the ring is when she’s noticed he’s most controlled, never allowing his emotions to cloud his judgment and actions because he recognizes the detriment it would cause. Yes, he’s violent and brutal, but it’s still controlled. Not tonight. …tonight she saw that impulsive, emotion driven man she’d heard whispers about over the years. Tonight, she saw him take a man’s life, and not in a controlled methodical way, but in a moment of pure rage and spontaneity. 

She’d never tell him this, never allow it to leave her mouth, but for a split second, it scared her. Solana wasn’t naive enough to truly think that his kindness or love toward her made him any less of a cold-blooded killer. And she knows, without a shadow of a doubt that he would never hurt her or direct his anger towards her.

But.

 But, the look in his eyes tonight…it was as if he had no soul. 

And that….that is what scared her. 

His gaze darts to the corner of the room, an intentional act to avoid her own, she’s sure. “He pissed me off.”

“Ro….people piss you off all the time, and you don’t beat them to death like you did him.” It’s such a strange experience, speaking with him so casually. Solana can still recall the tightness in her chest every time she was in the vicinity of this man, the fear she struggled to manage when even looking at him, often keeping her gaze downward. And now, she’s pushing him on what is obviously a lie. Or a deep state of denial. “He—he said something to you.” That’s when he finally sets his eyes on her. “I–I saw it.”

“Does it matter now?” 

“Yes—yes, it does, because you just snapped at me for taking our dog out to use the bathroom, something I’ve done for months now.” It’s not until saying that aloud that a thought crosses her mind. “Was—was it about me? Did—did he say something about me?” And when he says nothing, doesn’t deny it or push back or even snap at her again that she realizes that’s exactly what it was.

And it confuses the mess out of her. 

What could have been said to cause him to react so violently? Even more, how could it have been any different from the shit talking they all do in the ring?

“I don’t—I don’t understand.” Her eyes follow him as he moves toward the living room, sitting on the edge of the sofa. Tentatively and without much thought, her legs carry her toward him, but she stops just shy of being at arms length. Noticing this, Roman motions her closer with his index finger. And as soon as she’s close enough, he tugs her onto his lap. Seeing the conflict in his eyes, she moves her hand to his bicep. “Baby, please talk to me…..”

Like many, if not any, interaction with her comforting urge, Roman finds it difficult to deny her. He struggles to push back those words that have secretly haunted him even hours after he put a permanent end to McIntyre. 

“You really think you can keep her safe?” His cruel taunt, wicked smile revealing the blood building in his mouth, coating his teeth. “She’ll die just like rest of your fucking fam—”

“Ro…”

And it's her soft voice that pulls him from the memory as he shares with her what was said. “He said I couldn’t keep you safe, that you’d die like the rest of my family.” She gasps. Whatever was said had to have been bad and most likely somehow about her. She just didn’t know it would be that.

Shaking her head, she pushes his hair back. “He was just…he was just trying to get in your head.” And I think it worked. Solana would never verbalize as such to Roman, but it’s a thought she can’t dismiss. She’s never seen him this bothered. “Nothing—nothing’s going to happen to me, Ro.”

“I told you before that I don’t—I don’t feel things like you. That I don’t—feel anything.” She remembers it vividly. That conversation between them that was during the early days of their love story. Something that feels so long ago now. “I was wrong. I’ve—I’ve always felt anger, but now I’m feeling other things too, and I don’t know how—” He stops himself, clearly changing directions. “I’m sorry I did that in front of you—”

“It’s fine, Ro. I—” Because despite that brief second of ear, her first and foremost concern is him. It’s always him. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

He’s quiet for a moment, sharing in an almost unsure voice. “I count your pills every day before I go to bed.” She’s still, unmoving, unsure how to process such a thing. Because she knows why, exactly why he does that. And it nearly breaks her heart in fucking half. “Losing you is the only thing in this fucking world that scares me.” Voice shifting into something desperate and almost vulnerable, he says with all the conviction. “Because, I can’t lose you, Sol.” His gaze is on her, burning with determination. And need. “I won’t.”

“And you won’t.” Her hands move to his face, beard bristling against the skin on her palms. “I’m not going anywhere, okay?” She places an almost tentative, chaste kiss to his temple, noticing how his eyes close after. As if he’s more at peace. “Roman, I am with you until my dying breath, and that won’t be happening anytime soon. Not for you. Not for me.”

And not for their child growing inside of her.

“Why don’t—why don’t we go see Fetu this weekend?” It’s technically early Saturday morning already, and Solana returns to work Monday, but even just a day or two spent with his aunt could probably make a difference for her husband who she sees needs to get away. “Or even if you just go—I can stay—”

“No.” His voice is still low, but it’s not as weighed down. She’s grateful for at least that. “She’d be pissed if I showed up without you.” The hint of humor in his voice makes her heart swell. 

“We’ll go.” It’s not necessarily a suggestion anymore. It’s a plan. “You’ll clear your head, and everything will be better, okay?” He looks at her, nodding quietly. Solana makes a mental note to make sure to pack one or two pregnancy tests, because what better way to break the news to him than being able to tell Fetu right after? Together.

It seems like a perfect plan to her. 

Noticing Dulce has already left and went back upstairs, Solana suggests the same to her husband. “Let’s go back to bed, okay?”

It’s then that Solana realizes his hand on her hip is moving in slow, soothing circles. She can’t tell if it’s for his comfort or hers. Placing her hand over his, she gives a gentle tug, moving off his lap but never allowing her hand to leave his. 

His movements are slow initially, but he stands up and allows her to guide them up the stairs and back into their bedroom. Solana easily resumes their earlier sleeping position, grateful and thankful when he kisses her temple and murmurs, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” 

The exact moment when she falls asleep, or even when he does, is unknown. But what is known is when she’s woken up to the sound of grunts and muttered protests.

“I’ve gotta….save…them.”

Solana blinks and rubs at her eyes. “Ro?”

Sitting up, she sees him twisting and turning, an almost distressed look on his handsome face. Her heart drops. A nightmare. He’s having a nightmare.

Naturally, Solana moves her hand to his shoulder, shaking him a bit. “Roman, wake up.” She might as well have done nothing, because he’s continuing to stir, mumbling in Samoan. Voice so low that even if she did speak the language, she wouldn’t hear him. 

Without thinking twice about it, Solana climbs on top of him, straddling him as she continues her efforts to awaken him. “Roman, baby, please wake up.” It’s both familiar and unfamiliar. She knows this struggle very well. Has lived through it almost her entire life, but she’s never been on this end. Been on the side of watching someone go through it.

Least of all, Roman. 

And she hates it. Hates it with everything in her because she knows how heavy and devastating it is to be sucked into reliving trauma. That’s why she ups the ante, raising her voice and essentially hitting him on his shoulders.

“Roman! Wake u—”

“No!” 

It all happens so fast. Almost too fast for Solana to truly process what’s occurring in the moment. It’s only afterwards that she can recount it, can recall what just happened, can process that at the same time she went to try to save him from himself, Roman shot awake with an instinctive swing, a natural, almost protective thing that results in Solana shoved to the edge of the bed, mouth open, holding onto her face. 

It’s an instant stinging sensation, a dull, throbbing pain that she hasn’t felt in some time and never anticipated feeling as a result of her own husband. 

A husband who is now awake and also aware of what just happened. His widened eyes and open mouth are on her as Solana winces a bit and flexes her jaw, trying to gather herself. He’s up. That’s the only thing that matters. 

“Oh my God.” She’s not sure she’s ever heard Roman sound so horrified. “Solana—”

Her name is enough to pull her back to him, Solana climbing on his lap, shaking her head as she cups his face. “It’s okay. I’m—I’m okay—”

“I hit you….”

Even him saying it aloud seems and feels wrong to Solana. “No, baby—you were having a nightmare. It wasn’t like that—”

“I hit you, Solana.” He’s not even looking at her, looking down, perplexed, disturbed with himself, clearly trying to sit on this unfathomable thing. 

“Roman, I’m fine. Really.” Her face is throbbing, and she’s certain she’ll have a bruise come morning, but it’s nothing compared to what she’s received in the past. From the actual hitting she used to be on the receiving end of. From her dad and brother. “Ro, I did the same thing to you, remember? I—I ripped out your stitches.” It’s something she felt horrified at herself for in the moment. Probably close to what he’s feeling even though she’d rather he not because he’s done nothing wrong. “Baby—”

Shaking his head, Roman lowers her hands from his face. “I’m sorry.” She goes to reassure him that he’s fine, that she’s fine, but Roman is fast, easily moving the blankets off him, forcing her to the side, off him. 

“Roman, no—” She scrambles off the bed as he goes for the door of their bedroom, effectively planting herself in front of it. “No, you’re not leaving.”

He closes his eyes, his voice almost desperate. “Solana, please.”

“No!” Raising her voice wasn’t an intentional thing, just a result of her own emotions brewing in this moment. She’s not even thinking about herself, about the pain in her face. She’s just thinking about the man in front of her who looks disgusted with himself. “Roman, I am fine.”

Because she is.

Because even with all of her trauma, having been hurt so deeply and badly by men, Roman unintentionally striking her didn’t fill her with an ounce of fear. Didn’t make her want to put as much distance between them as possible. Didn’t have any effect on how she sees and feels about him.

She could only focus on him and how distressing his nightmare must have been to result in such a response. 

“I hurt you….” It’s the way his voice almost wavers with the word ‘hurt’ along with his fraught countenance that has her chest tightening. She’s never seen him look so upset, and the fact that it’s solely directed toward himself is gut-wrenching. 

“No,” her voice catches in the back of throat, eyes watering. She reaches up and cups his face. “Baby, listen to me. You could never hurt me.”

Something flashes in his eyes, something akin to anger as he asks in a tight voice, “But, I did." She shakes her head, ready to stand here all night trying to convince him that he’s not in the wrong when he takes it a step further. “How is it any different from your dad and brother?”

It’s an active effort to not back away from him, to not drop her hands and for no reason other than putrid disgust. Disgust that he could even fix his mouth to say such a thing. To put himself into that category. 

Solana swallows, specifically choosing each and every word that leaves her mouth. “Roman…I was raped. Violently. For—for hours. I couldn’t—I couldn’t walk afterwards.” She hates talking about this, hates reliving the horrors just from recounting, but she’ll do just about anything to wipe away that gutted, guilty look on her husband’s face. “Wes—Wes was the reason I first started cutting myself, because—” She closes her eyes, having never said these words aloud to anyone. “Because he made me do it. He said it was my—my punishment for getting our mother killed. And eventually….eventually I started to believe him, so I just started doing it to myself, because I thought it was what I deserved.” Another deep, shaky exhale. “My own father tried to kill me.” Roman’s expression slips into something in the vein of surprised. Confused even. Horrified, mostly. “I tried to run away once, and he put me in the hospital for two weeks and told me that if I ever tried to leave again that he’d— he’d make sure to finish the job.”

Roman doesn’t say anything, and truth be told, she’s not sure she wants him to. She just wants him to listen, really listen and allow her words to penetrate his thick layer of undeserved guilt. “You are the first man in my life to never hurt me the way I’ve been hurt, so don’t you ever fucking say again that you hurt me or put yourself in the same category as those bastards. You are nothing like them.” Because she’d rather walk barefoot on burning coal for the rest of her life than for him to ever even think he’s in the same group as them. “So, please, please just—” 

Solana feels it rising, traveling up her body at the most impromptu time. “Shit,” she curses, slapping her hand over her mouth as she dashes to the bathroom, hitting the light, barely making it to the toilet that, thankfully, is already open and ready for her to deposit what feels like everything she ate that day into the commode.

It’s such a miserable, uncomfortable experience, more or less dry heaving over the toilet in the middle of the night. 

Just added to the list of unfortunate things that have happened. A heavy wave of exhaustion washes over her as she lays her head down on her arm that’s stretched across the toilet seat. She feels like shit, and it has nothing to do with what just happened.

If only she could tell her husband that.

Because Roman is suddenly behind her, hand on the small of her back, asking if she’s alright. Glancing over at him, she shakes her head, mustering up a quiet excuse of it probably being something she ate.

He doesn’t look convinced, and Solana knows it’s because he’s somehow connecting this to what just happened. She’d give anything to be able to wipe that belief from his mind, to tell him it’s just morning sickness, a common pregnancy symptom.

Because with all of the dots connecting, there’s no doubt in Solana’s mind. Any test would just be a formality. She knows her body. 

She knows that she’s pregnant.

But, something tells her that telling Roman this will only make things worse. Make him feel even more guiltier than what he’s already experiencing. Would kill him to know he ‘hit’ her while she’s carrying his child. 

This isn’t the way she wants to tell him, either. Not like this. No, it needs to be…..special. After all he’s done and probably had to put up with in order to explain them not producing a child after almost eight months of marriage. She can’t announce it like this. 

He deserves better.

The wave passes as Solana stands up and flushes the toilet, moving over to the sink to brush her teeth, praying that’s the extent of it. For now, at least. Roman is watching and observing her closely the whole time. 

Mouth clean and stripped, somewhat, of that bitter aftertaste, she takes his hand and guides him back to their bedroom. Gratitude fills her when he doesn’t protest the way she practically climbs on top of him, her body resting on his, an intentional position to prevent him from trying to leave out without her noticing. 

“Stay with me….” It’s the only thing that leaves her mouth, a soft but firm delivery. It’s the only thing she wants and needs in this moment, for his arms to remain around her, holding her, the same way she’s holding him. 

The way she'll always hold onto him.

————

It’s purely a stroke of luck that allows Roman to wake up at the call of his biological clock and find that Solana is no longer atop him but sleeping on her side, back toward him, deeply immersed in much deserved slumber. 

But, it's not even a minute later that a heaviness overtakes him as he’s quickly reminded of what happened. Of what he did. What he did to her.

Roman doesn’t hesitate to carefully climb out of bed and move to Solana’s side, hitting the switch on the lamp for a clear presentation. Something he wasn’t ready for. Not in the slightest.

“Jesus Christ….”

Dread fills him all over again with the illumination of the lamp on Solana’s nightstand. Gives him a full, unobstructed view of the left side of her face. A not even fully formed, nasty looking bruise marring her features.

Roman knew that he had to hit her hard, that she had to be downplaying the impact, but the big ass, dark bruise can’t hide the hideous truth. The extent is ugly and evident. It’s a fucking miracle he didn’t fracture or break something. Because he absolutely could have. Not that that makes a huge difference, because regardless of the severity, he hit her. 

He fucking hit her. 

It feels undeserving, the way he reaches his hand to gently caress her marred face. His stomach clenches as he mutters the three words that could never change, lessen or take back what he’s done.

“I’m so sorry….” Because he is. Because Roman’s list of regrets in life is minimal. Less than the average person, of this, he’s sure. But this, what happened last night is easily at the top of that list. He doesn’t hesitate to turn the switch off, not wanting to have to see the consequences of his horrific actions, even if he should.

Even if he should have to face it. Should have to be faced with the one thing he swore he would never do.

Because that’s exactly what he’s done.

He doesn’t bother waking her up for her medication. Just leaves it in a small, ramekin-like bowl for her to take whenever she wakes up. With the night she had, he hopes she sleeps for a couple more hours.

And he’s grateful for the time he has to himself, to workout, to shower, to think, to act. Even if it’s all a bit of a blur.

Years. It’s been years since he’s experienced that type of rage. Since he’s blacked out like that. Because that’s exactly what happened. Roman remembers Drew’s ominous threat, recalls the beginning of the beating, but most after that is blotchy. Blurred. And the last time he felt that way….was the night he killed Rhodes' family.

Not that he regretted it then or now. Even Drew. No, what he regrets and doesn’t know how to process is that he lost that control in front of his wife. That he lost it with his wife, resulting in her battered face. 

Despite the horrors of trauma she’s experienced at the hands of men in her life and the fact that what happened was unintentional, it doesn’t negate what he did. It was wrong, and she didn’t deserve it. 

She doesn’t deserve to put up with any of the shit he’s dealing with right now.

What happened with Jey was something he hated having to do in front of her, but this….this is entirely different.

A line was completely crossed.

And it can’t happen again.

Much later that morning, closer to noon than anything is when Roman finds her in the kitchen changed out of her pajamas and into short shorts and a shirt. Normally, he’d be focused on how good she looks and how much he appreciates seeing her confidence grow to where she doesn’t try to hide her body. But, it’s hard with the dark bruising on her face.

She’s clearly in the middle of fixing something but walks over to him, warm smile on her face as she places her hand on his chest. ���There you are.” She leans up and kisses him, sharing, “I was wondering when you’d come out. I’m fixing us lunch right quick before we get on the road.”

She turns back towards the counter right as he says her name. “Solana—”

“Do you want anything in particular?”

“Solana.”

“I can make—”

“Solana.” He says it a third and final time, seeing the way she pauses. Deflection. It’s intentional. She can clearly tell something is wrong. With a slow turn to look at him again, it takes everything in him to not look away. The fucking bruise. “I’m leaving tonight.”

Her small smile immediately drops into a deep scowl. “Wh—what?” He briefly redirects his gaze, focusing on the laces of his sneakers instead of the disappointment he knows he’s about to lay on her. “You want—you want to get on the road tonight?”

He takes a deep breath and forces himself to bite the bullet. There’s no need in stretching this out. “No, Solana, I’m—I’m flying out to Italy tonight.”

Nothing could have prepared him for the gutted look on her face. She’s clearly confused, smartly pointing out, “but—but you said you weren’t leaving until next week.”

His jaw clenches as he answers so calmly. “Plans changed.”

Her gaze is intense, her eyes never leaving his. “The plans changed or you changed them?” He doesn’t say anything, and he doesn’t have to. She already knows the answer. Solana swallows, eyes watering as she walks over to him. “Please don’t do this. Roman, what happened wasn’t your fault. I’m fine.”

“Solana, you are not fine. Have you seen your face?” It’s not intended to be harsh, and the coarseness in his tone is truly directed to no one but himself. “I know my strength. You know my strength. It’s a fucking miracle it’s not worse than what it already is. If I had hit you hard enough and at the right angle—”

“But, you didn’t.” She knows exactly what he’s getting at, and she refuses to allow him to travel down that dark 'what if' road. “Ro, I know you’re upset with yourself, but please don’t do this. You don’t need to leave. I don’t want you to leave.”

And deep down, he doesn’t want to leave. Would love to stay here and just go see his aunt with his wife, but that won’t solve anything. It’s putting an old band-aid on an open, deep wound. He needs to separate himself so that he can turn his feelings completely off. Disconnect and detach. 

Or sort through in a way that is violent and unacceptable here. Especially around Solana.

And that’s exactly what being in Italy, being around those people, could do for him. 

Roman tries to explain as such to his wife without going into too much detail.

“You’re right. I do need to get away. But, going by Fetu isn’t going to help this.” It’s not going to help, because he doesn’t have an abundance of confusion he needs to sort through. He has anger, aggression, rage. All unlocked by fucking McIntyre that he needs to do away with, and being around his aunt, cousin, and even wife won’t do it. “We can go when I get back—”

She closes her eyes. “Roman—”

“Solana.” He’ll be honest, he expected her to not be happy with his decision, but her level of emotionality seems on the higher end of normal. She seems more emotional than usual. “I love you.” And he always will. “But, what happened last night can’t happen again.”

He won’t let it happen again.

“What if—what if I leave?” She suggests, Roman frowning at the almost desperation in her tone. “I can go stay with Naomi or Bayley for a couple days. Give—give you space.”

“Solana—”

“Hell, even Nia, if that would make you feel better.”

“Sol—”

“Just please.” Her voice cracks as she grabs onto his shirt, begging almost, “please don’t leave me.” She buries herself into his chest, Roman holding her, wanting to assure her that he’s not leaving her. He’s leaving the situation to get a clear mind, to figure out what he needs to do. 

Because he wasn’t lying when he said there’s nothing in this world that scares him more than losing her. Than something happening to her. 

He just could have never anticipated that he could ever be a direct reason for something happening to her.

That something bad—or worse—could happen to her at his hands.

Because he swore he’d always protect her. 

And he always will.

Even if that danger is himself.

Even if it means doing what neither of them may want but is ultimately what’s best for her. 

Even if it breaks the heart that will always belong to her. 

Whether they’re together or not.

[thepixelelf]

warnings: coarse language. jihoon is so in love it's probably unhealthy. wc: 1092

love triangle au requests

[who's this guy who's everything I'm not?] There is a universe out there where Lee Jihoon is able to say everything he wants to say, when he wants to say it, and exactly how he wants to say it.

But that universe isn't this one.

No, in this world, Lee Jihoon is standing like an idiot in front of the person he came all this way for, in a city he's never stepped foot before, with his mouth opening and closing like those dogs moviemakers would give peanut butter to to make them look like they're talking.

"Jihoon," you say, blinking as if it'll make the mirage he must be disappear. "Holy-- What are you doing here? When did you..."

From your open doorway, you tilt your head to take in Jihoon's appearance. Sweaty. Floundering, and yet with a determined furrow between his eyebrows.

His passport and boarding pass in hand, and a distinct lack of luggage.

"...Did you just fly in?"

He opens his mouth. Closes it again.

God damn it. He got on a plane for this and his tongue still doesn't work -- the same way it didn't when you asked who left the only valentine on your desk in eighth grade. The same way it didn't when your prom date ditched you for some girl, and you finally told Jihoon after his three weeks of torment that it was a ruse you and your date came up with to get that girl jealous all along. The same way it didn't when you told him you applied to a university in a city he'd never even heard of, and to your surprise but not his own because he knows you're capable of anything, you got in.

Today should be different. He clamours, "I-- I had to..."

"Where's your stuff?" you ask incredulously, but there's always... that behind your words. That which made him feel like he could trust you to watch his intricate sand castle in the playground. That which made him go to you with his first ever song lyrics in middle school, when no one else has ever seen them, ever. That which he feels vibrating in his bones or maybe even deeper because you care. You care when you go, "Do you literally only have the clothes on your back?" Even if it sounds blunt. "I swear you've had those shorts since forever. And-- wait, where are you staying? Have you eaten? You're always stupid about hydration, too."

He wants you to shut up so he can talk. But god, he loves when you tell him you care in the most words possible.

"I gotta put some water in you, hold on--"

You go to back up from the doorway. Jihoon's hand shoots out to grab your wrist before he can think about the fact that now that he has you in his grasp, he definitely has to speak.

Shit.

You process his hand around your wrist slowly, your eyes blinking slowly like a cat before they look up at his face. He loses all thoughts again.

Well, not all. It's more like his brain fills to the brim with how your eyes look when your face is this close, and it literally can't fit anything else, much less what to say next other than wow.

And he probably shouldn't say that.

But what... (the sunlight is hitting your irises so perfectly) ...should he... (even the concern seeping into your expression is cute) ...say...

"Jihoon--?"

Whatever question you're sure to have asked is cut off when a strong hand separates Jihoon's from your arm, and he breaks his gaze away from you to see a handsome but clearly unwelcoming face. The man regards Jihoon with a certain cautiousness as he wedges himself between you and him, almost pushing you back into your home with a protective arm.

"Are you okay?" he asks you, though he doesn't take his wary eyes off Jihoon. "Who's this?"

You seem a little thrown off. "Uhh..."

Jihoon looks this man up and down, taking in his white tank top and the buff, tan arms that it shows off. His cropped hair isn't styled, but somehow it looks good on him anyway. He's tall.

Annoyingly tall, because to see you, Jihoon has to lean to the side rather than just look over Tank Top's shoulder.

"Who's this?" Jihoon asks right back.

You meet his eyes and come back to the here and now. "Right, uh." Poking your finger into the man's stupid naked bicep, you point at him. "This is Mingyu, my--"

Tank Top interrupts you with, "Husband," as soon as you say, "--roommate."

Your pointed hand transforms into a fist, and you punch it into Tank Top Mingyu's arm. "Hey," you say when he recoils, covers the apparently instantly sore spot, and pouts at you. "I'm fine-- He's an old friend."

But Jihoon can't really focus on that. He's too busy processing.

...

...

...

Husband?

"This is Jihoon," your voice says from somewhere far away. "I've probably mentioned him before."

"Oh." Tank Top straightens up, and after faltering for only a second, his eyes brighten like your words flipped a light switch. "That Jihoon?" He turns towards Jihoon. "Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry! I just thought, I mean, you know..."

This new Mingyu acts like one of those golden retriever boys from the internet.

You love dogs.

Fuck.

Puppy Mingyu holds out his hand to shake.

Jihoon just stares at it. Then looks at you.

"Husband?"

You shove your way back in front of Mr Sunshine and lightly touch Jihoon's arm. He can barely breathe. "No, no, that was just... I mean, well, kind of-- but also not really because, well..." Pausing, you think for a moment and torture Jihoon for one million years. "Okay. We're roommates, but Mingyu started telling people at work that he's married so people would stop hitting on him or trying to set him up with their kids... except that was obviously stupid and now I'm kind of caught up in that lie and occasionally picking him up from company gatherings pretending he's my, uh, 'husband'."

"Oh." Jihoon nods slowly; he's underwater, ears plugged. "Okay."

Mingyu drops his hand after a couple seconds of zero reciprocation. "Haha, uhm, anyways... Did you want to come in?"

"Oh." Jihoon nods again. "Okay."

Your touch on Jihoon's arm becomes a little stronger. "You look a little pale. Come in and let me get you that water, yeah?"

"Oh." Yeah. "Okay."

As Jihoon ambles into your home -- your shared home with some guy who introduced himself as your husband but isn't your husband but chose you to be in his marriage but it's a fake marriage but -- he wants to say the things he's always wanted to say. Fuck, he's been wanting and wanting forever.

But he can't.

Not only because he can't form the words; that's been his problem since the beginning and was supposed to be his last hurdle today.

No.

He can't because your fake husband smiled at you in front of him.

And that smile looked nothing like a lie.

--

part 2 (mingyu's pov)

[maxverstappendefender]

Hi I was wondering if u can make an imagine with max verstappen where the reader is an athlete also (tennis player please 😮‍💨😮‍💨😭😭🥹🥹) and she is also from Netherlands

her and max were like in the same school or neighbors or even Victoria’s friend and her and max used to be dating since they were young teenagers but they broke up because of their careers (more like she broke up with him lol🤭) and they meet again at a gala or a wedding when they are at the top of their game her being world no.1 and many grand slams winner and him being world champion and then they have a confrontation with a lot of angst and yelling and max being heartbroken 💔💔🤌🏻🤌🏻

other part to this request: "Also about the max and athlete reader like if u can make it inspired by “call out my name” by The Weeknd 🥲"

a/n: this is such a good idea, i love some good angst. i made it a smau and also written parts (more towards the hend). i don't know much about tennis but i tried. the google translate dutch is probably bad but that's fine. hopefully i did your idea justice <3

warnings: profanity (?), alcohol

my masterlist !

The Dutch Athletes

yourusername posted on instagram!

liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris, and 933,481 others

yourusername and that's a wrap on the lovely game of tennis, back to training for next season :)

view all 91,029 comments

user PROUD TO BE DUTCH BC OF THIS LADY AND THIS LADY ONLY

liked by yourusername

landonorris you're serving! (do you get it? im so funny)

-> yourusername ty lan (the tennis jokes are never funny)

-> landonorris not even a pity laugh.

user i see a certain someone hiding in the likes

-> user 🤺🤺🤺 be gone sir

victoriaverstappen cannot wait to see you next week!

-> yourusername i miss my favourite dutch person

-> user max is punching the wall rn

user wait, im new. why is everyone hating on max verstappen here?

-> user y/n dated him a while back but they ended it in 2021 for reasons no one knows. lots of speculation but they never confirmed or denied anything. he still has loads of pictures of them on his insta but she deleted hers, probs wasn't a mutual breakup in that case. she's still good friends with lando, charles, and max's sister!

-> user he probably cheated or something

-> user they both seem happy so we shouldn't make assumptions :)

liked by yourusername

liked by f1fan1, vstppn, y/nflowers, and 14,912 others

y/nmaxupdates still no new content of our favs together so we are doing a little throwback thursday to one of y/n's posts from 2015 (she has removed the post).

comments are turned off

yourusername posted a story!

yourusername posted on instagram!

liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc, and 791,492 others

yourusername vegas baby! vv thankful lando is okay. congrats on the podium charlie!

view all 83,001 comments

charles_leclerc You say congrats but you wear a McLaren hat

-> yourusername only because lando invited me, not you!

user max being cropped out has me CACKLING

user we were so so close to some y/nmax snippet by her posting him but she fucking cropped him out

landonorris i'm so mad i crashed, my helmet was so sick for this race. do you think i can wear it to the clubs tonight?

-> yourusername lando istg if you wear your damn helmet anywhere tonight. you are supposed to be staying at the hotel with me anyways?

-> landonorris i don't see a doctor that will stop me from leaving. but my helmet looked sick right?

-> yourusername eh

landonorris we literally spent like 3 days together before the race and you still chose that ugly picture

danielricciardo VEGAS BABYYY. tonight we party.

liked by yourusername

yourusername posted on instagram!

liked by landonorris, maxverstapen1, and 701,831 others

yourusername 'VEGAS BABYYY. tonight we party.' ~daniel ricciardo (and don't worry, i didn't let lando leave the hotel looking like that)

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it had been a wonderful night so far. lando couldn't drink due to the drugs the doctors gave him so you didn't drink either out of solidarity. lando had gone off to do lando things, probably finding a way to the dj booth or socializing with whoever he can. you were just sat at this couch in the vip area. you were talking to charles for a while before he went off to do celebratory shots. you were so tired from the timezone difference, vegas compared to the netherlands was messing with your system. you had your head leaned back against the couch, your eyes were just looking at some of the drivers having a lot of fun and celebrating in one of the best party cities in the world.

you felt someone sit down next to you on the couch. you didn't know who it was at first but you quickly smelt the cologne and knew. max. you two hadn't really spoken since 2021, when you ended it. it wasn't the prettiest of breakups but we were both stupid kids and in love back then. you both should've known it wouldn't work out. you tried, though. you tried with every single thing you had in you but at the end of the day, fate would always be stronger.

"hey, y/n. haven't seen you in awhile," max finally said, breaking the silence. he sort of had seen you though, on instagram. had he missed you? every fucking day. you broke up with him though, and you seemed happier. if you were happy, he would accept that.

"sure," was all you said. that was your telltale sign that you did not want to talk. but let's be honest, max verstappen not having a conversation when he wants to sounded impossible. he wanted to fix things, he wanted to fix it all. why wouldn't you let him? "any chance we can talk?" he asked you. he wouldn't really take no for an answer. he would just talk to you while you listened, but even that would be stretching it.

you stood up from the couch, careful to not look at him. if you looked at him, you would be a goner and would do just about anything he asked you to. you were a strong person except when it came to max. "see you around," you muttered to him before leaving the vip area. you would infact not be seeing him around, not if you can avoid it. maybe not drinking was a bad idea. you had spotted lando who was busy chatting away to someone. "fuck," you whispered under your breath, realizing that the person who you had to make sure got home safely was still having a good night. you wouldn't want to cut his night short, especially when his night started bad with the race.

you felt some hands wrap around your waist and before you could protest, these hands were pushing you out this door to the club's back alley. you knew those hands though. you knew them all too well. "max, what the hell?!" you shouted at him as you felt the cool night air hit your face. it felt better than how being inside that club felt.

he knew this was probably too far. but when has 'too far' ever stopped him. he was so done with this all. 2 years of not having more than 10 words shared between you two. you two used to talk every single day, where did it all go wrong? he knew this one was his fault. he was the one who had lost you, all for racing. he gave up you for racing. he was a royal idiot for that. "i am so done with you not even talking to me!" he shouted to you. he was thanking god that you two were in an alley and not somewhere public for this.

"i don't want to talk to you," you said to him. not many people held their ground against max, but you always did. you never wanted to talk to him again, not since your breakup. you were happy and had a great life, you didn't need the mess that was max verstappen. "you never do!" he said back. that was true and you both knew it.

"you're right! i never do! because you fucked up," you shouted to him, putting your finger straight to his chest. the breakup was infact not mutual like the media made it seem. you two broke up because you were trying to support him in racing while still building a life in tennis for yourself. you could see the stress eating away at max that year and he still wouldn't let you help. even if it was help from afar. you tried to be there. he didn't even try to be there for you and your goals either.

"i know i did. believe me, i know i fucked it up," he said to you. there had been quite a few sleepless nights where his brain just wouldn't turn off. he had only been thinking about you. tonight was just his breaking point. he was done acting like he hadn't been thinking about you.

there was a moment of silence as we just looked at eachother. we had grown up a lot since we last got close like this. "so then why? just why?" you pleaded to him to just give him a real answer. 2021 had been a hard year for him and you knew that. but you were his girlfriend. you were meant to be there and help him but he wouldn't let you. he pushed you away at any chance he got. then you were alone. it was an endless cycle of you trying to help max with his stress, him pushing you away, and then you also getting lost to your own stress.

he put his hands on either side of your face. he knew he couldn't give you the answer he had given you when you asked this question 2 years ago. he couldn't say "just a tough year" because although that was a part of it, it wasn't the entire truth. and you deserved the truth. "i pushed you away before you could push me away," he said to you as he looked into your eyes. he felt like an idiot for saying that but it was the whole truth.

you gave him a slightly confused look. that had been a different answer than what you got 2 years ago. how could he even think you would push him away? you loved him so much and you had for years. you would have clung to him, even in death. "if i wouldn't have won in 2021, there was that thought that you would be gone," he admitted.

"i wouldn't have left. i wouldn't have ever done that," you quickly said. you had to say that really quickly before he spoke again. clearly your words took him aback a little. he really felt stupid for ever thinking that you would leave, let alone leave simply because he won a championship. mentally, you said 'fuck it', and just kissed him. you pulled away for a second to whisper, "je bent een idioot, max verstappen (you are an idiot, max verstappen)". then you kissed him again.

he smiled in the kiss, his hands in your hair and yours in his. your words were true, he was an idiot. he would probably have to kiss you a million times to make up for him pushing you away. and that was a price he was willing to pay. he felt you pull away and as desperately as he wanted to pull you back into him, he knew you had some more words to say.

you pulled away. "but you left. you left when it got hard and i will never put myself in that position ever again," you said to him. your lips stung with how much desire you had for max. but you had to make smart decisions, you could not get hurt again. and deep down, you knew he would leave if it got hard again. him leaving again would hurt too much. you had a good life now, he had a good life now.

he felt his heart shatter at your words. but he knew you were right that he had left when it got hard. he had taken the coward's way out. he wanted you to be happy and you seemed so happy with your life now. he couldn't take that from you. he nodded his pain away and spoke softly to you, "i hope you have nothing but happiness in life". then he walked away. he walked away but this time for your sake. he knew you wouldn't walk away from him so he walked away from you. he really did hope you had nothing but happiness in life. he could hear all about your happiness from the bits that victoria shared with him.

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y/nmaxupdates NEW CONTENT!! I REPEAT NEW CONTENT OF MAX AND Y/N!! that kiss?? oh we are SO back.

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[punksyeet]

- Anniversary ❥

Plot: A little glimpse into how Gianna (OC) and Josh spend their two year anniversary.

Warning: Hefty flirting and mature language!

** Josh’s POV **

My eyes blink open as the bright sunshine peeks through our bedroom window.

I automatically reach for my phone and look at the time and date.

It's 11:17am on August 18th.

Today's the day. Two whole years with my babygirl.

I place my phone down on the nightstand beside me and turn back around to see my beautiful lady peacefully sleeping.

As she snores her perfectly light snores, I smile and brush a curl out of her face.

My gorgeous girl. How did I get so lucky? And how has it only been 2 years? It feels like it's been forever.

I press a gentle kiss to her temple.

She gently stirs in her sleep, and curls her perfect lips into a beautiful smile.

I smile back. "Good morning. Happy two years babygirl."

"Happy two years honey," she replies, half whisper-half voice, with her eyes still closed.

I cup her face with one hand, stroking her soft cheek with my thumb.

Her lids slowly but surely flutter open, revealing her gorgeous coffee-brown eyes.

I get lost in them every time. She's just so stunning.

She smiles even wider once she sees me and reaches over to play with my messy bed-headed mullet. "You look handsome this morning."

I chuckle and lean in, pressing my lips to hers.

She automatically kisses back, wrapping her arm around my neck and pulling me in deeper.

After a few strokes, our lips separate, and I trail kisses onto her cheek and down her neck.

"So," I begin, pulling away. "I have tonight on lock. What would you like to do today?"

She smirks and puckers her lips. "Well..."

I raise an eyebrow. "I know that look. What do you have up your sleeve ma'am?"

She giggles, reaching for her phone on the nightstand. "Well, since it's our anniversary, I figured I shouldn't be the only one that enjoys it."

I sigh. "Baby you know I enjoy every moment we're together."

"I know," she says, smiling and proceeds to kiss my cheek. "But I wanted to plan something special too."

She taps her screen a few times before flipping her screen towards me.

I lean in and read the words the small print.

Tickets to the 49ers pre-season game today?

Am I dreaming?

My jaw drops. "Babe. You didn't."

She giggles. "But I did!"

I sit there in shock for a bit longer before pulling her into the tightest hug.

She bursts into laughter and hugs me back.

"I love you. So much." I mumble and kiss her cheek over and over and over again.

"I love you too baby," she replies between giggles.

We hug for a bit longer before she pulls away and kisses the corner of my mouth.

"The game is at 1:15, babe. We should probably get ready soon."

I smile and nod before gently grabbing either side of her face and pressing my lips to hers.

We share a few pecks before getting out of bed.

** Gianna's POV **

Josh and I just finished up our shower and are now getting ready for the day.

We recently bought 49ers bomber jackets so I throw mine on along with a black cropped tube top, light denim jeans, my Nike Chicagos, a red headband, jewelry, and a black bag.

Josh picks out his jacket alongside a white 49ers hoodie, black sweats, his red and white Jordan 11s, my favorite silver chain, earrings, and a black beanie.

"You ready to go baby?" Josh calls from downstairs.

"Almost!" I reply, adjusting my hair to my liking.

"Alright! I'll go start the car!" he calls back and I hear the front door close.

I spray some of his favorite perfume, check that I have everything in my purse, and head out.

—————————————————————————————————

The game just ended.

Josh joins nearly the entire stadium filled with fans in jumping up and cheering at the final score: 16-10.

I can confidently say that I had zero idea what was happening the entire time, but the goal was to make my man happy. And boy was he ever!

"Thank you again mama," he coos pulling me into a hug. "I love you."

I smile and kiss his cheek before resting my chin on his shoulder. "You're so welcome lovebug. I love you more."

Hand in hand, we exit the stadium, occasionally getting stopped by fans to take pictures.

The car ride home is filled with conversations about the game, laughs, kisses, and jam sessions.

—————————————————————————————————

Josh made a 7:00 reservation at our favorite Italian restaurant, so we're headed home to freshen up and change into fancier attire.

I pick out one of Josh's favorite dresses on me: a long white one that hugs my body in all the right places, clear heels, and jewelry.

"You ready yet ma?" Josh calls from the bedroom.

"Almost!" I call back, doing some finishing touches on my hair and makeup in the bathroom mirror.

He suddenly appears in the doorway and licks his lips, scanning my body up and down. "Lord, I gotta personally thank your parents one day."

I playfully roll my eyes and giggle as he comes up from behind me and slides his hands up and down my sides.

"You look a lil too fine right now baby," he mumbles in my ear, causing me to get goosebumps and he feathers light kisses on my neck. "And you smell good too."

I smile, biting my lower lip gently. "Why thank you."

"And this ass in this dress," he continues, caressing my ass, and gently squeezing it.

I turn before he can do any further damage, and wrap my arms around his neck. "Baby we're gonna be late."

He sighs and sticks out his bottom lip.

I smile and kiss it. "Don't worry baby. You'll get what you're looking for later."

I kiss his cheek and prance away.

He smirks and slaps my ass then follows me downstairs.

————————————————————————————————-

We just got to the restaurant.

"Table for 2? The reservation is under Joshua." Josh tells the hostess.

She nods and taps her iPad a few times before looking up. "Alrighty! You folks can follow....wait! You guys are Jey Uso and Gianna Nicole!"

I smile warmly. "Yes we are. It's nice to meet you!"

Josh looks down at me smiling and wraps an arm around my waist before looking back at her.

"My sister and I are huge fans! Do you mind signing something....anything for me?" she asks, still fangirling.

He chuckles. "Not at all, love. You got a napkin or something?"

"Uhhh..." she scrambles around the hostess stand and finds a notepad. "Here we go!"

She pushes it towards us and we both sign a piece of paper.

"Thank you guys so much! I'm so sorry for keeping you waiting! Follow me!"

I giggle. "It's no problem at all, girl."

Josh keeps his arm around my waist as we follow her to our table.

"Thanks so much again! I really appreciate this!" she coos, as we sit down.

"Anytime love," I reply and we share a warm hug.

She walks over to Josh and they hug as well.

Soon enough, she's off and back to the front, leaving us alone.

The table is so romantically set up: a bouquet of roses alongside some single stems, a bucket of our favorite wine and two glasses, as well as a gorgeous view of the city.

"Baby this is beautiful," I coo, as he takes my hand from across the table. "Thank you."

He smiles and kisses my knuckles. "Not nearly as beautiful as you. But it'll do."

I blush slightly as our waiter comes over.

I order fettuccine carbonara and Josh orders lobster ravioli.

Once the food arrives, Josh holds up his wine glass and makes a toast. "Cheers to you my love. Happy anniversary."

I smile and hold mine up as well. "Cheers to us, honey. Happy two years."

We clink our glasses together and take a sip before digging into our food.

—————————————————————————————————

We just pulled back up to the house.

I groan and melt into the passenger seat.

Josh looks over with a raised eyebrow. "You good ma?"

I nod. "Everything tasted amazing, but I think I'm in a food coma."

He chuckles and rubs my stomach. "Why don't we get you inside, huh?"

I nod and he gets out, comes around, and takes my hand, helping me out of the car.

I grab the flowers from the back seat.

He kisses my cheek and we walk to the front door.

Josh unlocks the door and as soon as it flies open, so do my eyes.

There's roses and candles everywhere, making a pathway up to our bedroom, and soft music playing lowly.

"B-babe?" I stutter, in complete shock.

He chuckles, takes the roses from my hand, puts them on the tiny table next to the door, closes and locks it, and takes my hand.

"Come with me beautiful," he coos and leads us upstairs.

Still in shock, I follow as we make our way to the bedroom, where there's even more flowers and red heart balloons hanging from the ceiling.

"Baby I..." my voice trails off as he wraps his hands around my waist.

"Shhh," he whispers and kisses my neck.

I lightly moan, holding the back of his neck and tilting my head to give him more access.

Soon enough, he lightly pushes me onto the bed and....let's just say anniversary sex hits different!

I wrap my leg around his, my left hand rubbing his back, and right hand and head pressed to his chest.

His right hand is around my waist, stroking my sides and ass.

"How did you even do this?" I ask breathlessly. "We were home only a couple hours ago."

He chuckles and kisses my temple. "Let's just say we have some very kind siblings."

I giggle softly. "I should've known. This has Trin written all over it."

He nods smiling. "I'm just shocked they didn't put everything to good use before we did."

"Joshua!" My jaw flies open and I playfully whack his shoulder.

He bursts into laughter and cuddles me even tighter.

I grab my phone from the nightstand and text Trin.

Sista 🥰🫶🏽: Thank you guys 🥹🫶🏽

Trin 💋: You're so welcome babygirl 🫶🏽 Now go get someeeee!

Me: You already know I wasted no time 😩

Trin 💋: OOOOOP IKTR 🙂‍↕️☝🏽

I audibly laugh and set my phone back onto the table.

Josh looks down at me and smiles. "Whatchu laughin at?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I respond, flicking my hair off my shoulder.

He smirks and gently squeezes my cheeks, pulls my face up, and shoves his tongue into my mouth.

Soon enough, we're sharing our 4th makeout session of the night.

And you can't blame me.

Those plump lips and thick ass tongue.

Whew!

—————————————————————————————————

We just finished up our bath, which of course, had more rose petals and candles.

Josh wraps me into a soft and fuzzy robe, smiling down at me. "You're adorable."

I look down and automatically blush.

He takes my chin and gently lifts it, pressing his plump and warm lips to mine.

I kiss back and take his hand, leading him back into the bedroom.

"Where we goin ma?" he asks, following close behind.

"I have another surprise for you," I reply, walking us towards the bed. "Sit."

He chuckles and sits down on the bed, as I head over to our closet and pull out a gift bag.

He takes it and looks up at me. "Baby you didn't have to. The game was more than enough."

I place my finger to his lips. "Shhh. Open it."

He shakes his head smiling and digs into the bag, before pulling out a box.

He raises his eyebrow out of curiosity and opens it, revealing a gold Cuban link chain.

His jaw practically falls to the floor as he looks back up at me.

"It's to match your silver one!" I explain happily, wrapping my arm around his shoulder. "Do you like it?"

"Baby," he begins. "I love it. But this....this is....a lot."

I smile, slightly shrugging. "Sure. But you're worth every penny, Josh. You treat me like a princess and I wanted to show you that I'm forever grateful."

He sets the gift bag down and takes my hands. "You didn't need to spend over a thousand dollars to prove your love to me, babygirl. I appreciate it. I really do. But..."

I cut him off. "Joshua, shush. After all that you did for me today, let alone for the past 2 years we've been together, I can spend a fuck ton of money on you if I want. Now take the damn chain."

He chuckles and shakes his head. "Gianna Macri, I can't with you."

I fold my arms, still pretending to be mad, although it's taking everything in me not to laugh with him.

He wraps his arms around my waist and plants kisses on my stomach. "I love you pretty mama."

Pretty mama.

The one nickname that, he knows damn well, will make me break in any and every situation.

I finally give in, playfully roll my eyes and smile. "I love you too."

He puckers his lips and I giggle, leaning down, cupping his face, and pressing my lips against his.

He pulls me down and attacks my face with kisses.

I burst into laughter and squirm around on the bed.

I love this man so much.

Liked by uceyjucey, trinity_fatu, jonathanfatu, wwe, and 2M others

giannamacri the past 730 days have been an absolute dream. from the second i laid eyes on you, i knew i found the love of my life and the person i'd want to experience everything with. joshua fatu, i thank you. thank you for treating me like a princess, for loving me for who i am, and for allowing me to love you. every day without i fail, i feel like the luckiest girl in the world. they say nobody is perfect but baby, you come close. i love you endlessly. two years down, forever to go. 🤍

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uceyjucey I love you ma ❤️

trinity_fatu Love you both so much 🥹🥰🫶🏽

wwe Happy anniversary! ❤️

Liked by giannamacri, jonathanfatu, zillafatu, rikishi, and 1.2M others

uceyjucey Happy anniversary to my everything, my lady, my queen, my babygirl, my rock, and the love of my life. Getting to wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep with you in my arms every night has been the biggest honor. I'll always admire your work ethic, your kind heart, and your selflessness. I have zero idea what I did to deserve you but one thing is for sure: I'm the luckiest man in the world. I love you mama. Forever us. 🤞🏽❤️

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giannamacri forever baby 🥹🫶🏽

jonathanfatu ❤️

rikishi Love you both 🩸❤️

Tag List: @uceyliyahh ♡

^^ If you'd like to be added, feel free to leave a comment below! <3

Check out my wattpad and twitter! 💟

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[bananayuyu]

Heart Burn

Pairing: Yunho x f reader

Genre: fluff

Word count: 1.4k

Summary: You and your boyfriend have been planning this fun little scene for weeks now. Unfortunately your stomach has other plans.

Warnings: suggestive stuff, established relationship, reader has bad gut pain, (no smut but they are playing out a fantasy scene in the beginning kind of)

A/n: My tummy hurts and I want him to love me :(

All you'd wanted was for the scene to go well.

It had been in your calendar for three weeks now. You'd finally told him, in the cold comfort of the night, that'd you'd had this fantasy ever since you met him. Ever since you met him at his old law office, when you went with your friend to be moral support.

The suit really did it for you, you can't lie. You'd visited him at work many times just to see him in it. God did you wish he could take you right there, right in his little office, only unzipping his pants enough to fuck you.

But today as you stand in his apartment, the cool stone of the countertop hitting your lower back, you just aren't in the mood.

Your stomach is fucked, has been all day, and you don't know what it is. You haven't eaten anything you shouldn't, haven't done anything different. You've taken all your meds, like you always do. You even rested today in preparation for this, making sure your schedule was clear. But you haven't been able to eat since the late morning, and you're exhausted despite the rest.

"Hello, can I help you?" Yunho quips, stepping out of his tiny home office to greet you as if you were a perspective client.

"Hi, sir, I'm here to meet with Mr. Jeong," you say, bowing your head to him.

"Ah, you must be y/n," he smiles, bowing in response. "I'm ready for our meeting, if you'd like to follow me." He holds out his arms towards his office, waiting for you as you step past him through the door. He's moved the setup of the room around a bit, to accommodate the night's activities, so his desk is now in the center of the room, and one of his dining chairs has been placed in front of it. "You can have a seat in this chair here," he says, pulling it out for you. You sit down gently, trying to remain focused, trying to get into the scene, into the right mindset. But you just can't.

Yunho walks around to the other side of his desk, sitting down in his chair and ruffling with some papers. He plays the part so well, so easily, and you know if you weren't in so much pain that you'd be eating up every second of it.

"So, we're here to discuss your grandmother's estate, is that correct?" You just nod along, letting him lead you in the made up story. "What exactly has been the problem?"

"It's my mother, sir. She is determined to keep the money and assets away from me and my sister, even though my grandmother stated she wants it to be split between us. I just wanted to make sure we had the right legal protections in place," you say, hoping it sounds plausible enough to suffice.

"It's good you're getting ahead of this. Or I'm assuming you are, your grandmother hasn't passed yet, has she?"

"No sir, but her cancer has returned and she's decided she doesn't want treatment this time. She's on hospice. We probably still have a few months with her, but we don't know exactly," you say, sighing.

"I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope my help can ease some of the stress you must be feeling. Are you feeling okay?" Yunho cocks a brow, looking straight into your eyes. He's a bit surprised with the direction you're taking the story; it's much darker than he expected, and your sigh sounded all too real. He knows you're not that good of an actor.

"I'm fine, sir," you respond, but tears are brimming a bit, and you're clenching your arms around yourself because of the pain in your guts.

"Are you cold? I apologize, the heat isn't so great in this room," he says, staring at you now with extreme concern.

"A- a bit, sir," you nod, staring down at your crop top, depressed by the bloated look of your abdomen. You'd planned this outfit weeks ago, just like you'd planned his, but your body didn't really feel fit for it this afternoon when you put it on.

"Let me grab you something," he says, stepping up from his desk and leaving the room, returning not long after with one of his zip up hoodies.

"Here, you can take this. I keep it here in the office in case I need to work late and it's cold," he smiles, the words tumbling out of him with such ease. You snake it around you, wrapping it tightly instead of zipping it up, curling up into a ball on the chair. "Can I help you zip it?" he asks, looking for an in to touching you, and finally getting this scene more underway.

"Sure, thank you," you say, and he fixes you with a look that you know all too well. "Thank you, sir," you correct yourself, watching as his expression changes and he squats down in front of you, zipping up the hoodie for you.

"There, does that feel better?" he asks, rubbing a hand down your upper arm, smiling up in such an endearing way. But just as he does that a sharp pain snakes up your esophagus, and you can feel your whole gastrointestinal system is on fire. You wince, but try to hide it, nodding your head to answer him.

Suddenly his face changes, and his body language too.

"Baby, what's wrong?" he asks you, his voice different, not in character anymore. You just stare at him wide eyed, confused. You hadn't used your safe word, or said anything else to break the scene. Even if you maybe should have.

"I'm taking us out of the scene for good tonight if you don't tell me what's wrong," he says, voice stern but loving.

"My stomach," you sigh, looking beyond him, tears brimming again.

"It just started hurting?" he asks.

"All day," you shake your head, frowning.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks, taking your hands in his.

"We'd been planning this for a while," you pout, still not looking at him.

"Baby, we have all the time in the world to do these things together. If you're not feeling well then we should reschedule. How you feel is what matters most," he says, and the tears start flowing, your breaths getting shaky. "Shh, come here," he coos, bending forward to pull you into a hug, tucking your head into his shoulder and holding it in his hand.

"I'm so sorry you're not feeling well, love," he says, placing a gentle kiss on your temple. "Have you eaten anything today?"

"Only breakfast," you mumble into his shoulder.

"Poor thing, you must be feeling exhausted," he says, and you nod into him. "Can I run you a bath?" he asks, and you mumble mmhm in response.

A few moments later he's off to start it, returning to carry you to the bathroom, slowly taking off your clothes. He knows the scene won't be happening tonight but he still loves getting to see you naked, even when you're feeling so shitty and constantly telling him to look away.

"You're so pretty," he says, and you whine in response, staring down at yourself. "I wish she'd fucking behave," he points to your stomach, leaning down to place a gentle kiss just to the right of your belly button. "She needs someone to punish her and make her get in line," he jokes, and you laugh too.

He then starts stripping off his clothes too, his beautiful suit taking a while to fully unbutton. You watch in awe from the bathroom, as he stands in the hallway, gently placing his suit back on it's hanger in the closet.

"What?" he asks you, quirking a brow jokingly. You roll your eyes, looking away briefly, but not able to keep your eyes away from his naked form for long. "You can't stop staring," he says, smirking, finally moving back in to join you. He helps you gingerly step into the tub, stepping in along with you. He sits himself behind you, his strong legs stretching out along the bottom of his large tub, and he carefully places you on top of him.

You whine and lean your head back, another pain striking somewhere in your small intestine. But the heat of the water is very relaxing, making things feel like they're moving in the direction they need to be, in the direction of feeling better.

"Come here, my love," Yunho says, wrapping his arms around you, kissing your forehead. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," you say, closing your eyes and letting your body completely relax against his.

Soon you're out, the warmth and comfort lulling you out of this reality, and finally you're getting the rest your body really needed tonight.

[princessmaybank]

Good Girl

Pairings: Boyf!Rafe x Gf!Fem!Reader x JJ

Warnings: Cheating, nudes, spanking, degradation, spanking, 3some, p in v, oral (both), fingering, voyeurism, creampie, etc.

Summary: Reader accidentally sends a nude to the wrong guy.

Authors Note: This is my first time writing something like this! Please be kind! I hope you enjoy!

Moodboard

Fuck. Rafe had me so fucking horny all day. It's not even his fault..I have been thinking about him dicking me down since lunchtime. The ache between my legs was almost too much at this point. My core was begging to be touched, but unfortunately Rafe isn't home. He went on a business trip with Ward, leaving it to me to pleasure myself. He did tell me to message him any time I feel horny and he would try his best to help, so I might just have to do that.

I was home alone because my parents were making some deals over dinner with some new clients.

But before I do anything, I really want to take a shower, I feel disgusting after work every time. I work at a little restaurant called The Wreck with my friend Kie. She got me the job when I told her I didn't want to work for my parents, at least not yet. Since I started working with her, I've met her friends and they seem to like me, well for the most part. JJ is still warming up to me, and he hates Rafe for some reason. All of them do. I understand he can be an asshole sometimes, but I wouldn't go as far as to say I hate him.

After I took my shower I didn't bother putting clothes on. I wanted to send Rafe a little surprise while he was gone.

Y/N: I took this for you baby

Y/N: Photo

I quickly hit send because I was nervous about his reaction but deep down I know he'll love it. I heard a ding from my phone, letting me know I got a message.

???: All for me? Damn Y/L/N...maybe I was wrong about you

My eyes nearly popped out of my head as my heart was beating against my chest. Then I heard another ding come from my phone.

???: Photo

Only a second later and another message came through.

???: That one's all for you.

I sent my fucking nude pic to JJ?? And he sent me one back? How the hell did that happen??? I started freaking out, knowing that Rafe would fucking kill him..and me, but mainly him.

JJ: What made ya come to your senses?

I had no idea how to respond to him. This has never happened before. Maybe I should just be honest.

Y/N: oh hey..can you just delete that and pretend you never saw it...? that wasn't meant for you JJ...

JJ: if it was sent to me, I was meant to see it, the universe just works that way ;)

He saw that I opened the text and that I wasn't responding. Those three dots popped up as he was typing.

JJ: okay, hey I'm sorry. where u at rn? I'll come meet ya n we can talk bout this

My heart nearly bursts out of my chest when I read that message. I'm nervous and I don't know what to do. Fuck. I should clear the air with him.

Y/N: my house..

JJ: drop your pin

I hesitate before sending this man my address. This could go horribly wrong, and I don't have Rafe here to protect me. Whatever, I'm already in this deep and it's just JJ what's the worst he could do?

Y/N: 📍

JJ: omw

I stood from my bed and started looking for an outfit to wear. I don't know why I cared what I looked like for JJ..I shouldn't, but I did. I ended up choosing a little white skirt with a cute blue crop top to go with it.

It took maybe 10 minutes before I heard a knock at my door. I still wasn't entirely sure if I should answer it, knowing who was on the other side, and knowing what he just saw...

I decided that I should just open the door and hopefully he'll understand the mistake.

My heart started pounding again as my hand reached for the knob. Suddenly I was greeted by a familiar face...but it wasn't JJ...

"Rafe?? " I question sounding more shocked than happy. "What are you doing here?" My anxiety was through the roof at this point, knowing JJ is probably just around the corner. Rafe let himself into my house by grabbing my face and pulling me into a heated kiss. He used his foot to kick the door closed, then pinned me against the wall next to it.

"Wanted to surprise my princess. The job got done early. I landed 30 mins ago, rushed over to see you." He says all while rubbing me up and down. "Look at this fuckin outfit, almost like you knew I was coming over princess.." He reached hand up my skirt and soon realized I wasn't wearing any panties. "Naughty girl.." Rafe smirked before attacking my neck.

About a minute later there was a knock on the door. He waved it off and said to just ignore them and they'll go away. Another knock pounded from the other side of the door. "Y/N?? Are you home?" You recognized his voice. Rafe pulled away looking slightly confused before looking through the peephole.

"What the fuck is JJ doing here?" He said gritting his teeth. I toyed with my fingers and bit my lip not knowing how to tell him the truth. Next thing I know he swings the door open.

"Hey ba- Rafe?? ...Was this a fuckin set up?" JJ questioned. I shook my head no as both men stared at me.

JJ came inside and closed the door behind him before joining Rafe and I in the living room. I was told to sit on the couch so I obeyed. The guys stood in front of me towering over me with their arms crossed, trying not to kill me or each other.

"What is he doing here?!" They both asked angrily at the same time. "Can you two sit down before I continue?" I ask shyly. The guys responded with a harsh 'No' timed almost as perfectly as before.

"Okay so here's what happened..." I trail off and explained the entire situation before Rafe turns to face JJ, looking like he is about to murder him.

At some point Rafe lunged at JJ and I had to get in the middle. Rafe grabbed my shoulders trying to move me out of the way. JJ had his hands on my hips trying to keep me in between them. It felt like they were going to split me in half.

It took a while but I eventually got them to go talk it out in my room. I can't speak guy, so maybe they would have an easier time hearing it from each other.

After a while I didn't hear them talking anymore, which was concerning, Rafe may have actually killed JJ..

I went to my room and knocked before entering. I was greeted with a naked Rafe picking me up before laying me on my bed. He placed his lips on mine, giving me one of the most intense kisses I've ever had. "Rafe- whe-wheres J-" I tried to question. "Don't worry about it. He's fine. Enjoy this." He kissed down my jaw and to my sweet spot, sucking on it for as long as he could, in order to mark me.

Rafe doesn't usually give me hickies unless he is angry-fucking me. He must have sent JJ home after their talk so we could have this moment. At least he's not mad at me anymore.

"So you wore this slutty outfit for Maybank huh?" He asked and flipped me onto my stomach, hiking my skirt up above my ass. "And no fuckin panties. You really are a fuckin slut." Rafe huffed before giving me a hard slap across my ass, causing me to yelp as a tear prickled in my eye.

"I'm gonna make you choke on my fuckin cock.." He smirks before flipping me back over. He comes over and hovers my face, his knees on either side of my head. Rafe dipped his cock into my mouth slowly before full on fucking my mouth. "Mmm yeah, suck that fucking cock you whore!" He somewhat gently slaps my face, still pushing in and out of my throat.

As I was gagging on Rafe's dick I felt something down between my legs. A cold, wet, tongue met the heat between my legs and I couldn't see it. "Wait till you see her face Maybank, she makes a pretty face when you fuck her." Rafe announced which resulted in a hum from the mouth attached to my clit.

JJ was eating me out...while Rafe was fucking my face...

Fuck.

I moaned onto Rafe's dick as he continued to fuck my throat. In turn, my moans made Rafe moan. "How'd you say she liked it Rafe..." JJ questioned before shoving his cock inside of me. A loud moan escaped the best it could when he filled me up. "...by surprise, right?" He chuckled as Rafe nodded.

JJ's thrusts caused Rafe's thrusts to go faster and harder. But they both stopped suddenly. Pulling out of both of my holes and they stood next to the bed, hovering me. "What was that??" I questioned, now blushing from seeing JJ's dick for the first time.

Of course he noticed and had to be an ass. JJ smirked at me while stroking himself. "Don't pretend you didn't like it princess.." He slows his motions down before he eventually stops. "Not saying I didn't like it- just confused. You two were literally just about to kill each other, and now you're fucking me." I say confused.

"We came to a conclusion baby. You lead JJ on..and you cheated on me. But we are ready to forgive you, if you let us have some fun with you babydoll.." Rafe simply stated, making me feel like shit because that was not my intention. I tried to counter what he said, but he just shushed me.

"Whaddya say princess?" JJ asked with a smirk. "Yea I mean...it's the least I could do.." I smile sheepishly to them. Rafe stepped between my legs and gave me a long kiss. "I love you, but I want you to understand that this is a one time thing so JJ doesn't have to keep pining after you. So whatever you want from him, make sure you get it from him now, you're still mine." Rafe explained. I'm surprised he's acting this way. He never lets anyone touch his things, especially me.

"What's first?" I asked the guys. "Just let us make you feel good baby, you won't have to do any work, unless you wanna." JJ said settling on the bed next to me. "You said anything I want?" I looked up to Rafe with glossy eyes. He nods with his arms crossed.

"JJ can I suck your dick while Rafe fucks me?" I started to blush because never in a million years did I think this would be happening. "I'd love that princess." He smiled at me.

I got off the bed and got to my knees in front of JJ. My hands sat on his thighs as my mouth lowered onto his cock. "Hmmm fuck.." He moaned out, placing his hand on my head. I felt Rafe come over and line himself up with me. "I love this fuckin skirt baby.." He says before slipping into my wet pussy, which caused me to moan on JJ's dick, which caused JJ to let out a moan of his own.

The guys were trying to set a steady pace between the both of them. JJ was bobbing my head up and down in time with Rafe's thrusts, and boy did it feel, so fucking good.

At one point they made me feel so good and I let out a long moan.

"Good Girl "

I heard them both say at the same time. A string of moans were escaping us all as they continued. Rafe was pounding into me as fast as he could. JJ was now standing with a fistful of my hair, fucking my face. I popped my mouth off of JJ and replaced it with my hand. "If you two don't stop going full force- I'm gonna cum right now.." I whine out.

They both groaned as they pulled away. I got back on the bed and sat in between them, one hand each, shooting to their hair, and massaging. They both started feeling me up, placing kisses wherever they could reach. The moment was over as fast as it came. JJ sat with his back against my headboard and pulled me to sit between his legs.

Rafe crawled onto the bed after JJ put his legs between mine to keep them spread open. I couldn't close them even if I wanted to. Rafe laid between my legs and started lightly sprinkling kisses on my lower lips.

JJ attached his lips to my neck, giving me a hickey, opposite to the one Rafe had made earlier.

Rafe moved to my clit with his mouth and inserted a few fingers into my hole. I gasped and JJ put his hands under my shirt in response.

"Why ya still wearin' this baby? Shoulda been gone a long time ago.." He says before taking my crop top off. Leaving me in my bra and my skirt. He groped my tits as Rafe sucked and fingered me. I was a moaning mess. Everything felt too good. "Guys- l-like I said before..." I say but it's too late and I cum all over Rafe's fingers.

Rafe sat up before placing his fingers in his mouth, sucking off every little drop that was left of me. "Good girl.." He smirked at me. "But, you gotta cum for JJ too princess.." Rafe stated.

I was still coming down from my high. "Cum again..?" He only nodded before sitting in the chair in front of my vanity. He turned it so he could see us sitting on the bed.

"Go ahead Maybank..." He smirked. Just as he was given the green light, JJ flipped us over so he was hovering me. "Hey there princess..." He smirked before planting a kiss on my lips. This felt so wrong to do so I looked to Rafe for some guidance.

He just sat there slowly rubbing his dick, watching us. He nodded for me to continue.

Suddenly this felt so right. I was supposed to have fun with JJ, for Rafe. JJ leaned down to my ear to whisper. "You looked so fucking good in that picture you sent me." He started kissing my neck. "I know you sent it on purpose, don't worry I won't tell him." He whispered.

His hands lifted me off the bed to take my bra off. JJ threw the garment to the side, landing in front of Rafe. He kissed me so hungrily and so passionately it almost hurt. "Jayj..." I whimpered into the kiss. He started grinding his hips against me, his dick touching my clit every time. "I know princess.." He whispered. "C'mere, I wanna make you cum in doggy." He says then plants another kiss to my lips.

I got up on my hands and knees before JJ could move me. "Wrong way baby...I wanna see your face when he fucks you..." I heard Rafe say from the chair. I turned around just like he asked. JJ got behind me when I was settled. I heard a spitting sound and a second later I felt his hand lathering my hole. "Mmmm" I moaned while I grinded back onto his fingers.

"Patience baby.." JJ said before slapping my hole which resulted in me letting out another moan. He grabbed his cock and started teasing my slut with his tip. I moved to lay on my forearms with my ass in the air. My eyes wandered over to Rafe, he was still stroking himself slowly while watching us. His lips curled up into a smirk when he saw the face I made when JJ pushed his length into pussy.

I let out a loud moan and looked Rafe in the eyes as JJ slowly rocked his hips. As JJ quickened his pace, Rafe did too. Almost like he wasn't to cum with us, but didn't want...involved..?

The room was filled with the sounds of moans and skin slapping against each other as JJ fucked me senseless. Rafe had rolled his head back but his eyes stayed on us.

I felt JJ reach for my hair and pull it back, making me arch. The slightly new angle was enough to push me over the edge. "You're such a a good fucking girl for me..." JJ says as I moan out. "JJ harder.." I couldn't say anything else. It was odd moaning another mans name but they both loved it, which made me feel dirty.

JJ gladly fucked me harder. I was going between watching Rafe fuck his hand and watching JJ in the mirror. "Fuck you're so tight princess..." He dragged out. "I'm so close Jayj..." I announce with a whine. Rafe caught my attention with a low groan. I looked over and saw his cum shooting up onto his stomach.

He was still yanking himself, riding out his high, when he said "JJ I want you to cum in her fucking pussy". I couldn't help but moan, feeling JJ's thick cock in my pussy, watching Rafe cum, and him saying THAT.

JJ let go of my hair and held my hips, bringing them backwards to meet his. We were both a moaning mess and Rafe was just watching, sitting there in his mess. He looked afraid to blink, like he was going to miss something. I pushed back onto JJ's dick, wanting more, he was making me feel so good and I didn't want it to end.

"Fuck Jayj- i-im gon-gonnaaa cum" I squeal out. "Me too princess. Are you ready?" I nod after he asked. He counted us down before with both released together, screaming each other's names. I fucked myself with his dick, riding out my high.

"Good girl.." He said biting his lip, helping guide my ass. He slipped out when we were done and gave me a long sloppy kiss, trying to savor the moment, knowing it would never happen again.

Rafe walked away at some point to clean himself up, JJ and I just continued to make out to fill the silence and need. When Rafe returned we all sat on the bed talking about what just happened. "How did it feel?" Rafe asked me. "He's really good.." I say panting, getting butterflies from the recent memory. He smiled at me and JJ before speaking.

"Y/N, I loved the way your face looked when JJ was taking you from behind..." He said while rubbing my back. "I suggest we make this a regular thing." I nearly choked when I heard him say that.

Rafe Cameron...never...shares.

"I 1000% agree" JJ said almost too enthusiastically which made me giggle. "That was both the craziest and sexiest shit I've ever been a part of. Of course I'd love to." I say smiling.

He smiled and I could tell he had a mischievous thought. "Next time I wanna try something new." He smirked to me and JJ.

"I will do whatever you two want if it feels that good.." I blush, looking between both of them.

"Good girl " They are so creepy with that shit...but it's so sexyyyy.

[pinkynana]

summary : when the drunk thoughts sound less like "i'm gonna dance all night in this club" and more like " i wanna suck my ex's cock"

warnings: dubcon, reader is drunk, public grinding and groping, blowjob (duh), masturbation, degradation, reader didn't get to cum

to celebrate your best friend's good news of getting a job, your small friend group decided to go clubbing. so you put on a tiny tight skirt and a crop top that shows off your cleavage as you drink your fill in the club. at first, you and your three other friends were dancing together in one spot on the dance floor. but then you turn around to see two of your friends making out with some guy and your one other friend had already gotten up to the stage where the poles are. 

"oh my god.." you sighed. you left the dance floor to get more drinks because you certainly weren't in the mood to be the most sober friend and help them not to make any dumb decisions. 

your eyes linger around the club, one of your friends who was making out had already disappeared and you sighed again. she was the driver. you drink more and more, eyes still wandering around the club. 

until you catch the sight of your ex in one of the booths, texting on his phone. the break up was brutal. you told your ex, jisung, you wanted to break up and he pretended you never said that. he lived in your apartment, he asked to have a meal together, he offered to send you to work. it was to the point that you had to put a restraining order on him. you haven't met him since. until today. 

"why does he look so hot.." you bite your nail, checking him out from afar. his hair is back to black, his natural color. it was still blue when you broke up with him. but for some reason, (maybe because you're drunk) you don't remember why you broke up with him. and you certainly don't remember how much you hated him after the break up. "should i.." the thoughts were coming. you played with your bottle as more regretful suggestions pop up in your head. "nah.. i shouldn't," you shake your head, looking away from him so the ideas would vanish. 

but looking at your friend who's stripping on stage, the very friend who got a job, you decided that tonight is all about regretful decisions. 

you got up from your seat, as you approached your ex. "hi." you leaned in. jisung smiled at you before replying to your greeting. "are you here alone?" you tilt your head as you asked the question. 

"no, i came here with- what the fuck, where did he go?" jisung looked around the dance floor to look for his friend. you grabbed his hand. "well, now you're alone then." he knew you were drunk. it's not just the smell of liquor, it's the look in your eyes, it's the way you speak. "come dance with me," you pulled his hand as you giggled. 

on the dance floor, you kept grinding yourself on him like a bitch on heat. of course jisung noticed it and of course he didn't do anything. he could only get this with your current state of mind. "you look so handsome tonight." you whispered to him as you kissed his neck. "can i suck you off?" jisung was sure you'll regret this once you're sober. you thought his silence was rejection.

"pleaseee," you palmed his bulge, giving it a squeeze. "i'll be good. didn't you like it when i have your cock in my mouth, hmm? please, jisung." you pout your lips as you plead. "right here?" jisung asked. 

"let's go to my place. you like my bed, don't you?" 

on the way to your house, the two of you couldn't keep your hand to yourselves. you were fully making out on the back of the cab, not caring about the driver at the front. you enjoyed the way jisung's big hands were groping your tits. he caught your moans into his mouth, probably enjoying this more than you did. 

the moment you got into your room, you were already eagerly taking off his pants for him. you pushed him to lie down on your bed once his undergarments were gone. his cock was already hard from the grinding, the groping, the kissing, it was finally time for it to get the attention it deserves. "fuck, i love your huge cock so much." you wrapped your hands around it, jerking it off as you started kissing from balls to the tip. you could feel his cock twitching when you gave the tip a little kitten lick. "fuck," he moaned. that's when you finally started to put it in your mouth. 

"i missed this so much, miss having you like this." you hollow your cheeks, sucking it properly. you moved your head up and down and it felt like heaven for jisung. especially because your face was showing so much pleasure just from sucking his cock. "take off your clothes, baby. wanna see you naked." you gave his cock a kiss before sitting up to strip off of your tight clothes. while you did that, jisung had already jerked himself off. couldn't stand his dick not being touched even for a second. "you look so fucking good." he praised.

you went back to sucking his cock but this time he had his hands on you, pulling your hair and thrusting up into your mouth. his moans got louder, you felt hot. so you reached down to your pussy to rub your clit. "so good to me, baby. such a good slut for me." he was fucking your face at this point. 

"coming to me because i looked hot. practically throwing your body to me. i don't fucking care that you're drunk and would probably regret this whole thing tomorrow. tonight you're my slut." his degradation made you even more wet, you could hear the squelching from your pussy as you rubbed it harshly. "dumb fucking slut probably doesn't even remember she put a restraining order on me. now she's the one who invited her ex over. " jisung pushed you away, pulling out of your mouth. 

you whined, chasing his cock again. "need to cum on your face." you all but pout, couldn't do anything if that's what jisung wants. as he fists his cock, you fingered yourself. you couldn't wait for his cum to pour messily on your face. and in just a few seconds, his cum landed everywhere on your face. 

"so fucking hot." 

[vainvenus]

⌲;꒰ Hypnotic. ꒱ ⌲;꒰ Pt. 1 ꒱

Pairing - Peacekeeper! Sejanus x Fem!Reader

Synopsis - Sejanus is swooned by one of Lucy Gray's friends.

Includings - Covey member!reader, Sejanus being absolutely smitten, toxic ex, unwanted touch and nicknames, bar fights!, little ooc!Sejanus, reader patches Sejanus up, mostly fluff

An - This is mostly Sejanus's POV with him js being so in love

I'll probably write a pt.2 if wanted!

It was like any other night at the covey, it was a little bit crowded and a bit hot but Sejanus had tagged along with Coriolanus because he loved coming to see Lucy Gray preform.

She ended her song, claps and yells of praises following after she was finished and she grabbed the microphone with a bright smile on her face.

"Y'all have just been a wonderful crowd!" Lucy Gray hummed as she shimmied her shoulders. "Better keep that energy up for [Y/nnn]! Or should I say [N/n]?" She said the name in a sing-song tone as if she were teasing the girl that walked up onto the stage.

Sejanus had felt like the world slowed down for a moment, his eyes never leaving her body as she walked. She wore a dark cropped tank-top with a long white skirt and a white laced cardigan, the lace having some sort of flower pattern to it and brown boots. She had a violin case hanging from her shoulder.

She looked so relaxed and comfortable to Sejanus, like she hadn't a care in the world and was simply living in the moment.

"Oh c'mon Luce you know I hate that nickname." She rolled her eyes, playfully waving her hand to shoo the brunette from the stage and she playfully stuck out her tongue at her.

The [h/c] haired girl grabbed the microphone, adjusting it for her height. She tapped on it as her eyes scanned around the crowd for a second before she spoke; "Y'all miss me?"

The crowd erupted in short cheers and the Sejanus didn't think that her smile could get any bigger until she laughed at the reaction and Sejanus couldn't help but smile from it, like it was contagious.

"I know, I know. Y'all must have missed me soo much." She hummed, raising her brows as someone held out a bottle towards her and she generously took it.

"For me? Oh you shouldn't have, y'all know I stopped drinking...never." She giggled, taking a long swing of whatever was in the bottle, her face scrunching up at the strong taste.

There was no doubt that her and Lucy Gray were friends, a similar sense of fashion along with their free spirits and speaking whatever came to mind and being able to control the energy of an entire room..it was endearing.

Even the way she played the violin, her voice soft enough to hear above the violin strings but not loud enough to make her singing feel out of place. The way she swayed side to side slightly as she preformed it was all hypnotizing.

She had her eyes closed most of the time while she played, allowing Sejanus to take in her beauty under the spotlight. He never missed how her smile grew softer when she finished a note she seemed impressed with.

It was different from Lucy Gray, while they both had the energy to make the crowd go wild Lucy Gray kept that energy with her music a lot of the time, making people stomp around and move their bodies in a fast and excitable fashion.

But [Y/n]?

It was soothing, it felt like music he would hear if he were dragged to one of those boring parties his father would be hosting but she gave the music life with her voice as it carried through the covey. Couples swinging with each other side to side on the dance floor or cuddled up with each other with soft smiles.

"[Y/n]! [Y/n], baby!"

The violinist opened her eyes, narrowing as they landed on a ginger. She has decided to ignore him, continuing to play as she sang softly although a few of her notes seem to be getting off-key from being side tracked.

"[Y/n], c'mon you can't ignore me forever. I said I was sorry, that I wouldn't do it again." He moped, getting closer to the stage and [Y/n]'s eyes flashed a look of fear as she stepped back.

"Rusty, you better stop right there." Lucy Gray had warned, stepping up on the stage as [Y/n]'s playing slowly coming to a stop at the distraction.

Rusty hadn't listened though, attempting to walk up the stairs until one of the peacekeepers had pulled him back by his sleeve and he yanked his arm back, elbowing them in the nose.

[Y/n] frowned, her brows drawn up in worry as her eyes darted between the two. "Yall, please, I don't want a rumble in here tonight-"

This caused the Peacekeeper to stumble back into somebody else who pushed him and that caused that person to get grabbed and before you knew it somebody broke glass over someone's head followed by a scream and that's when the fighting started.

"Cmon y'all, calm down! Please!" [Y/n] had pleaded through the microphone although her voice was drowned out by the chaos happening in front of the stage.

Sejanus stood up, seeing the ginger haired boy crawl his way to the stage. He grabbed at the bottom of her skirt, slurring nonsense as she clenched onto her instrument with Lucy Gray and [Y/n] both screaming at him.

"Stop! Stop it! Get off of me right now or-"

But before she could finish her plea he was practically yanked off of her and her eyes looked over to the male and it was like Sejanus wasn't even thinking as he pulled his fist back and let it connect.

He didn't even know how many times her had punched Rusty before he was being pulled away– dragged off of the boy and he heard Coriolanus scolding him under his breath as they were rushing through the crowd, following shortly behind [Y/n] and Lucy Gray.

The two peacekeepers were led to a room that wasn't too far from the main area. It seemed like a little room for the Covey performers to get ready when needed with the amount of makeup, hairbrushes, guitar picks and other things laying around. Sejanus sat down next to Coriolanus, letting out a small huff as he had finally caught his breath.

"Never a dull day at the covey." Coriolanus commented once he had caught his breath.

"I'm so sorry y'all had to get dragged into that." [Y/n] had apologized while she set her instrument down. She went to grab a white box and a small bottle of something from one of the counters as she walked back over to the group.

"It's not your fault, hun. You shouldn't be the one apologizing." Lucy Gray scoffed, shaking her head.

[Y/n] shrugged her shoulders as she made her way over to Sejanus, taking a seat beside him as she set the things down. "I still feel sour, so much for first impressions."

"I still think you made a good first impression." Sejanus said, meeting her eyes as she opened the first-aid-kit and he saw that contagious smile again.

"Oh c'mon, you're just saying that." She hummed, pouring a bit of alcohol onto a cotton pad as she held out her hand for his and he willingly placed his hand in hers.

"No, I'm serious. He doesn't change the fact that your performance was beautiful, it was hypnotizing."

[Y/n] playful narrowed her eyes at him, as if she were trying to sense if he was lying or not. As she saw that he was pretty serious she hummed, looking down at his bruised knuckles.

"You liked it that much?" She asked as she carefully dabbed at his knuckles and Sejanus sucked on his teeth before giving a nod.

"It was pretty, where did you learn to play like that?" He asked, trying to ignore the small burn every time she dabbed the cotton swab on his knuckles.

"My ma' taught me." She giggled a little bit. "It's funny cus' I absolutely hated it when I was younger. Thought violins were the root of all evil." She said as she was trying to finish cleaning his hands as quickly as she could without rushing and Sejanus nodded along.

"But I'm glad I didn't quit, it's such a beautiful instrument. Maybe even better than a guitar" She teased, glancing over at Lucy Gray who was making sure Coriolanus hadn't any bruises and she shook her head.

"Oh you wish." She replied, taking a seat on one of the counters and letting her feet swing back and forth.

"I'm glad you didn't quit." Sejanus piped up as [Y/n] grabbed the bandages and began wrapping them around his knuckles, grabbing a piece of tape to keep it still.

"Me too, probably wouldn't have started performing at the covey or met Lucy Gray then I wouldn't have met you two." She pulled away from Coriolanus, giggling under her breath as she put things away.

"Funny how one screechy instrument could've stopped us from meeting, hm?"

"I'm glad it didn't." Sejanus softly replied as he leaned back in his seat with a sigh, he hoped that this wouldn't report back and get him into some sort of trouble.

"Maybe we could see each other tomorrow to make up for all this mess?" [Y/n] asked the group as she put the First-Aid-Kit back. "Something more peaceful like this was supposed to be."

Lucy Gray clapped her hands, smiling wide. "The lake!"

[Y/n] gasped, almost like an excited kid who had got a present they had been begging for. "Oh my god, the lake!"

"The lake?" The two boys repeated, brows furrowed as they gave each other a look still not completely familiar with District 12.

"It's a beautiful little lake a bit of a walk from here. It's far away from people so no one should bother us." [Y/n] said and Sejanus nodded.

"I'd- we'd love that." Sejanus smile and Coriolanus glanced over at him from the corner of his eye before back at the two girls.

"Great, we can meet here around noon to walk together."

[ghostofbambifanfiction]

CYOA C57 Sneak Peak

Since I took a not-so-brief break from writing and it still might be another few days before I can post the next chapter, have a sneak peak of the beginning of the chapter below the cut.

Private WhatsApp Chat Resumed: Wednesday 16th March, 2022, 01:37 Members: Lily Evans, James Potter

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Lily Evans: <image attachment> You're hopefully asleep but look at what I've got!

...

Private WhatsApp Chat Resumed: Wednesday 16th March, 2022, 07:11 Members: Lily Evans, James Potter

================================

James Potter: omg it's my face mug

Lily Evans: Yep! Plus my tea, which really got me through the morning since I came in an hour early to get a site report finished. I employed cunning stealth tactics to manoeuvre it out of Pip's desk drawer yesterday.

James Potter: what did you do?

Lily Evans: I said, "Pip, can I have James's face mug?" and that worked.

James Potter: truly you are machiavellian in your endeavours also are you wearing bright pink in that photo?

Lily Evans: I am. Felt slightly daunted about it this morning because of the stupid old adage about redheads, but I mean, I BOUGHT the outfit on Monday because I loved how it looked on, so chickening out would have been a waste of my money.

James Potter: what's the old adage about redheads?

Lily Evans: There are MANY and they're all equally ridiculous because being redheaded is great actually, but this one in particular dictates that we "shouldn't wear pink," presumably because it looks terrible on us.

James Potter: that IS stupid you look so pretty

Lily Evans: Thank you! <image attachment> This is the full fit. I love Sirius's selfie mirror. What d'you think?

James Potter: christ you really do have phenomenal legs warn me next time, would you? i'm trying to drink my morning coffee in peace here, and you spring this on me

Lily Evans: Lollll you saw my legs on my Instagram yesterday.

James Potter: yesterday you had big tall boots on today you do not

Lily Evans: Forget about my legs for a second.

James Potter: i physically CAN'T

Lily Evans: The jacket is a CAPE, James. I own a CAPE. I am MAKING MY OWN DREAM (of owning a cape) COME TRUE. Do you have any idea how many crop tops I bought on Monday? LOADS. And I've been scared of crop tops my whole life. I still kind of am scared, but I'm going to be brave and wear them anyway, Bea says that if I carry myself with confidence on purpose I'll eventually start to carry myself with confidence because that's genuinely how I feel, and you know what she's right because I've had more compliments from other women in the office over the last day and a half than I've had in the year since I started working here. If you can't tell, I'm very excited about my new clothes.

James Potter: i can tell

Lily Evans: It's probably a very boring topic so I'll stop.

James Potter: no you don't have to stop i think it's brilliant and not just because i get to see more of your legs, which is a huge win for me

Lily Evans: Lolllllllll

James Potter: a week ago you were calling yourself a frump, so it makes me happy to see you talking like this instead if new clothes make you feel good about yourself then i want to hear about them

Lily Evans: I do feel more like ME in them, if that makes any sense at all. And there's no going back now because I've bagged up a load of my old clothes and Bea and Remus are going to help me lug them to the charity shop before we all head off to the train station on Saturday. I bought A LOT of new things. Like, so much I felt a bit obscene every time it came to pay. But I couldn't have done that if you hadn't spared me from paying rent for the next few months, so thank you so much for being a bottomless well of kindness, even though I should be saving that money for a deposit on a new flat and have had no common sense in my approach to this.

James Potter: don't worry about it, you deserve bottomless wells of kindness and of every good thing in life are you going to leicester with remus and beatrice this weekend?

Lily Evans: No, although I'm going the Saturday after for a pre-Mother's Day lunch with my mum and Petunia. I'm heading to Stockport to spend the night at Emily's, it just so happens that Bea and I both need to leave from Euston. Actually, first I'm getting my hair done, then I'm donating my clothes, THEN I'm going to Stockport to see Em. Then I'm going wall climbing with her and her mum and sister.

James Potter: oh cool! i love climbing, have you ever done it before?

Lily Evans: I went to a climbing centre once for a friend's birthday party years ago, I was twelve and I got my first period while I was actively on the wall, so I spent quite a lot of the day running into the toilet to check that nobody could see it even though I was wearing black shorts and Carina's mum had given me a pad. So the short answer is: not really, but I'm not worried, none of them are expecting me to be any good at it even though they're all basically professionals. Em and her sister also go cycling every Sunday morning so I have been informed that a loaner bike and safety gear is available if I want to join them.

James Potter: do you think you will go?

Lily Evans: Yeah! I haven't cycled in a few years but I do cardio every day so I reckon I can manage the exercise even if I wind up extremely saddle-sore afterwards. Plus this all means I get to bring and wear some of my new workout clothes, and honestly I'll take any excuse.

James Potter: if you put some chamois cream on before you cycle you'll save yourself a lot of discomfort little tip from my mum that i flagrantly ignored in my youth

Lily Evans: Why did you ignore it?

James Potter: because i was A MAN who didn't NEED to smear cream on my groin to train for a triathlon except it turns out i did also i was only about sixteen, who the fuck did i think i was, cat noir?

Lily Evans: I'm going to skim past the fact that you know who Cat Noir is because then I'll need to explain why I know who he is and it's probably the same reason.

James Potter: it's definitely the same reason

Lily Evans: God, we're both such dweebs. I mean, you're much cooler than I am, but still.

James Potter: not true at all, i'm a massive dork, i just happen to play a lot of sports, so people who don't know me well don't spot it straight away

Lily Evans: And you're stupidly attractive, which isn't often expected of massive dorks because we live in a society that unfairly pigeonholes people into boxes based upon their perceived attractiveness. This I say as I shop for makeup online. I know I'm part of the problem.

James Potter: what does "stupidly" attractive mean? i'd love a definition

Lily Evans: You already defined it yourself. Weeks ago, actually.

James Potter: what??? when?

Lily Evans: "And now," gasped Theo, in a ruggedly handsome but also charmingly boyish but also sexy but also dorky way that seems really impossible for a real human man to accomplish, "I will kiss you at last!" See? Defined. As per you. Also important to note: this kind of attractiveness makes people who fancy you act and feel like blushing, giggling idiots. Hence, "stupidly" attractive.

James Potter: well

Lily Evans: Your brother, on the other hand, is NOT stupidly attractive. He's inaccessibly attractive. Which is very different. Science.

James Potter: noooo don't talk about sirius! talk about me again!

Lily Evans: I just did. At length.

James Potter: talk about me more who am i making blush and giggle?

Lily Evans: How quickly you forget that I still field emails from Jessalyn et al.

James Potter: oh it's JESSALYN, is it?

Lily Evans: Et al.

James Potter: i think you should elaborate on et al

Lily Evans: I'd love to but I have to jump into a meeting.

James Potter: no you don't!

Lily Evans: Yes I do!

James Potter: a meeting with who?

Lily Evans: With Agnes from Julia Murphy.

James Potter: who is agnes from julia murphy

Lily Evans: Julia Murphy is a skincare company, one of our brand partners, and it's in my calendar, see?? <image attachment> I'm not trying to get out of telling you I think you're cute.

James Potter: two minutes ago i was ruggedly handsome and charmingly boyish and sexy now i'm merely cute?

Lily Evans: And dorky. Don't forget dorky.

James Potter: i haven't forgotten anything, thank you very much

Lily Evans: James, you are ruggedly handsome and charmingly boyish and sexy. Are you happy now?

James Potter: that reply will do, but only because you're busy you're off the hook for now but i expect you to revisit this subject later

Lily Evans: God, who even are you, my owner?

James Potter: that's an interesting choice of words, lil

Lily Evans: DON'T YOU DARE ANSWER THAT QUESTION

[atxxzist]

oh boy | c.s

summary: your curious heart that's full of adventure and knowledge; of what's out there beyond the space of your room and farmhouse, find it in a boy who not only open your eyes to the world around you, but also to a longing you didn't even know was there

pairing: choi san x f!reader

genre: farmboy!san, fluff, angst, suggestive

word count: 16.6k

(ao3) if you don't like lapslock

your father always tells you it isn't good to venture out of the farm.

he says the world out there is too big, too dangerous, and too unpredictable; that a fragile and defenseless girl like you shouldn't hold an interest for something ugly that will only do harm in return, though you would say he's wrong.

because although you haven't seen it much for yourself, the few times that you did, along with the stories you've heard, you know that whatever stretches beyond the farmhouse and is sharing the same sky you're looking at, is something beautiful waiting to be explored--

the second you hear the front door slam shut, you open your own, peeking your head out the empty hallway before grabbing your heels and tippy toeing down the stairs.

you watch your father's figure through the window until he disappears off into the distance, humming a tune under your breath and snapping on your heels, shortly met by the morning sun and the fall weather.

you skip in excitement all the way to manshik's cottage on the other side of the farmhouse, given it's harvest season, he probably needs help with the crops. if not, he might be able to take you to the river nearby to pick out a daisy.

"morning," you call out so sweetly, knuckles tapping his window and waiting for the old man to greet you with weary eyes the way he always does, honestly just blessed he has a heart of gold and haven't pulled the plug and rat you out for ruining his sleep a couple times a year.

a pair of arms pry the window open--arms that are no way in shape or form look like they belong to a seventy something year old man. and then you see his face, and manshik must've turned fifty years younger from the last time you saw him. that, or whoever this stranger is, have done something to manshik.

his expression is not much different from yours, just as equally perplexed and confused. you suppose knocking on someone's window when the sun is barely out does that.

"uhh... where's manshik?" you ask.

he cranks an eyebrow attractively, a couple seconds of silence passing before he answers.

"manshik?" he repeats.

"yes." you nod. "he lives here."

"oh, i'm not sure." you watch as he sits up and rub at his tired eye. "my father and i arrived just yesterday to replace the worker that used to work here."

replace? as in take over manshik permanently?

you wonder what could've possibly warrant the need for a replacement when manshik was perfect at his job and had always been a loyal worker to your father.

you offer an apology to the stranger for disrupting his sleep and begin making your way back to the house completely disheartened, occupying yourself with prepping breakfast until min wakes up and take over.

when you think of where manshik could be or what could've happened to him, death never even crosses your mind. but a nosy question thrown at min, and you find that the old man didn't get fired or quit--he had passed away a week ago, and you can't believe your father never said anything.

knowing the man he is, you don't expect much from him, but manshik's been with the family before you could even walk, you think you deserve to know something as big as his passing.

your father is so cruel.

"i hate him," you spit bitterly, glowering as you take a seat at the dining table.

min shoots you a look and shakes her head.

"miss, you know it's not good to say things like that."

you throw your arms up, as if preaching to someone higher to hear your pleads.

"but all he does is keep me locked up, never bothering to tell me anything. manshik was like family."

"i understand you were very close to him."

you only continue to sulk, knowing that ranting to your father's workers is as far as it'll go when it comes to releasing all the frustrations about your father.

"do you know where they'll be burying him?"

"i'm not sure, but it's most likely in the town nearby."

your eyes light up with something at that, only to be shot down just as quickly.

"can you take me there? so i can make an offering?"

"miss, you know i can't do that. if your father finds out i took you out of the farm, i will lose my job."

you groan in annoyance, arms crossed.

"so what now? i lose one of the only people who ever listened to me, and my father is just going to continue locking me up. i'm going to be bored to death!"

it might sound like a tantrum, but for a young girl who has been deprived of interactions all her life and forced to entertain herself with whatever she could find, it is very much a cause for concern.

"i heard the new workers have a son your age. maybe go and introduce yourself."

that was probably him back there, but they're new and you don't know them.

manshik's patience was also undefeatable and you're not sure if they will be able to tolerate you the way he did. so you don't, instead opting for cleaning around the house (though really, how much dirt can a lone girl like you make considering your father's never home) and making dinner.

there's not a single book on your shelves that hasn't been read and not a single skill taught that you haven't mastered, having lived in isolation so long, you spent most of it sticking your nose in your father's workers hobbies and interests and learning off of them.

but days passing by, awkward and silent dinings with your father one after another, you're officially bored.

you finally make your way out to the other side again one morning, figuring that if they're going to be here for a long time, you might as well get familiar with them.

as you're nearing, you can see a figure going through the apple trees and picking them out into a basket.

you wonder if it's the stranger from days ago, but the person hears your arrival first, turning around to prove you wrong.

"good morning," the older man greets you. he looks a lot younger than manshik, but definitely old enough to be your father.

"hi," you respond with a simple smile. "i heard my father got some new workers and i wanted to come by."

"ah! you must be the young miss!" he smiles in a return, something about him already so welcoming and you're glad for that.

you nod, curling your hands together in front of your dress.

"i'm y/n. what can i call you by, mister?"

"you may call me mr. choi, or anything you see fit, miss."

"mr. choi..." you mumble the name, making a note to yourself you will for sure remember it next time. "do you need any help?"

"oh, i couldn't do that to you, young miss."

you know you look absolutely nothing farm-ready with your dress and heels, but you're always willing to accommodate. manshik's said before that you are a great help.

"it's fine. i'd love to help! manshik, the farmer before you guys, taught me many things."

"oh, i can see he was very good at his job. pretty much everything is ready. they just need to be harvested and gathered."

"manshik was the best!" you praise once again, mr. choi acknowledging with another smile.

"well, miss, if you really insist, maybe you can help me with a couple baskets?"

"of course! but... just one thing." your facial changing from soft to serious. "you cannot tell my father i was here."

mr. choi squints before giving in with a quiet snicker.

"if you say so, miss. it will be very hard to catch up with your father anyways."

"thank you so much! i'll help with what i can, but i'll have to return soon for breakfast."

by the time you have to go back, you're happy to have filled two full baskets for mr. choi, telling him that if your father doesn't return early, you will probably show again somewhere in the afternoon.

you wash the dirts off your feet with the garden hose and shake off any leaves or remains that got on your dress before entering the house, with hyunjoo being the first to greet you as she's disinfecting the living room.

"did you go out to the field again?"

you hold the pair of heels by the hang of your fingers, stopping and answering her.

"of course i did."

she shakes her head, amused by the determination if anything.

"and how was it?"

"good! mr. choi was wonderful. i think we're going to become pretty close."

--

your father finished his meeting early yesterday so you weren't able to go back, unfortunately. but you have made sure to stay for breakfast this morning so you'll have more time at the field.

it's awfully quiet when you get there; not a soul in sight. but you notice that the apple trees are almost done with the exception of one that sits a lone basket at the foot, barely filled.

mr. choi was probably going through it when something came up.

you don't hesitate to take matters into your own hand, picking up the basket and continuing where it was left off, only managing to collect three apples in total when the sound of incoming footsteps behind alerts you.

"stop right there! who are you?"

you spin around tight-lipped and wide-eyed at the voice that doesn't belong to mr. choi, freezing momentarily as you just stare at the familiar boy in front of you, and it looks like he recognizes you as well.

"sorry..." you mutter, "i was just, uhm, i saw there was no one and thought maybe mr. choi went somewhere so i just wanted to help."

san raises an eyebrow, grateful it's not a thief or someone who happened to wander into the farm--just the girl from before who woke him up by banging on his window.

"my father is inside. i'm the one sweeping the field today."

"oh..." you nod slowly, just realizing you've never properly introduced yourself despite making possibly two of the worst first impressions already.

"i'm y/n." you hold out your free hand that isn't clutched to the basket. "my father owns the farm and i live on the other side." pointing with your chin to said direction.

"ah..." it dawns on him, accepting your greeting in return. "well, i'm san. choi san."

his hand is surprisingly soft and silky, not at all harsh like you expected considering the taxing work he does. he also has some very prominent features that sticks out in a good way, and you would be lying if you don't think he's kind of cute.

"makes sense as to why you're able to hop around the farm so easily," he adds and you're unsure if it's a jab, just that your cheeks turn bright red at the reminder of the first meeting.

"again, i'm sorry about that."

he dismisses it with a shake of his head.

"you're good. so, did you ever find out what happened to manshik?"

you nod once, looking down at the ground before you meet his eyes again.

"yeah, but i'd rather not talk about that right now."

he doesn't push any further, waiting until you speak again.

"so, what's the plan after?"

"well, we're going to sweep the crops with one of those machinery. the next couple of days is going to be a lot of physical labor--even more than picking apples."

he switches his gaze to the field of crops a few feet away; you snapping your head to follow.

"if you're planning on visiting the next couple of days, it might be harder to catch me or my father."

you digest the information, humming in understanding.

"no worries. sometimes my father doesn't attend meetings on the weekend so i most likely won't be able to come anyways."

san lets you finish off the last tree by yourself, having ran back inside the house to fetch something but is gone for a lot longer than he should.

only until you're almost done, do you hear your name from the distance and him running up to you again.

"me and my father would like to invite you for breakfast, if you don't mind."

you're no stranger to the cottage--how it looks on the outside or on the inside, manshik always having told you to treat it like it was your own. that whatever was his, was yours.

and despite not being the biggest enthusiast of the interior because it always gave away who lived here; everything mostly dusty or like it came straight from one of those old films you'd watch when there was nothing to do, you grew to appreciate it because it did felt like home.

but when you enter the cottage this time, you almost can't recognize it. a complete revamp, the white and brown is different, but also fitting in a way... and you think you can probably grow to like the more modern approach.

"good morning, miss," mr. choi calls out, and you send a greeting in return, observing as he move around the table to set up what looks like tea.

"would you like some soup, miss?"

you shake your head, quick to mimic san when he goes to take a seat at the table, occupying the one across from him.

"it's okay, i'll take some tea. i ate before i came here."

you're on your best behavior, hands curled together on your lap and watching the father-son duo with intrigued eyes as mr. choi places the bowl of soup in front of san, the younger boy proceeding to thank him with a smile.

dimples. you just noticed san has dimples when he smiles. how cute.

if anything, seeing how effortlessly the two interact and how genuinely happy they look around each other, it's beautiful but also disheartening because you don't remember the last time you even smiled in front of your father.

"your father goes out a lot?" mr. choi asks, finally settling down.

"he's always busy, and when he's not, he's usually in the office all day."

"that's understandable. he probably has a lot on his plate."

you know he has a lot of things to look after, but you don't know what that has to do with you. does being too busy justify confining your daughter and keeping her away from possibly discovering something much bigger?

san catches the indifferent look on you, but you're already moving the subject along.

"this rose tea is good," you say after tasting. "my father's cook, min, knows all about tea. i learned how to tell the difference between them from her."

mr. choi breaks out into an endearing smile.

"you are an interesting one, young miss."

you stay to help with the dishes and cleaning, feeling this is the most you can do for bothering the pair, before announcing your departure of the day.

san is even nice enough to walk you halfway, watching until you make it back to the house safely, your chest can't help but to feel strangely tight because you've lived with people twice your age for so long, it's relieving and nice to have a boy you might be able to share one or two common interest with.

the monday your father leaves for his meeting, you head out to the field again, picnic basket in one hand and walking until you spot a harvest truck along with the boy you're looking for.

"hi," your voice ring in san's ear, making him jump a little before losing himself shortly in your giggle.

"what's going on?" you ask, scanning the many boxes and baskets of produce sitting on the truck.

"just getting everything ready for tomorrow."

that's when you recall that usually after manshik was done harvesting, he would leave for a couple of days out of town to sell it at the local market.

you always asked every time if he could take you along, but he said it was too risky since the market is an hour away by driving and you had to be home before your father's return.

"to the town nearby, right?"

san nods, picking up a box of watermelons that was on the ground, packing it onto the truck and pushing to make space.

"that would be correct."

this is your chance to see another part of the world; what it's like outside of the farmhouse and there's no way you're letting it slip. even if denial takes you, it's worth a try, at least.

"can i come with?"

san snaps to you with those brows that you've seen on more than one occasion--honestly a look on him that is very attractive.

"i'd have to ask my father, since i heard that yours is a little tight."

you roll your eyes and scoff, attempting to come up with another way to convince him.

"i brought sugar cookies." you open the basket and pry one out, wiggling it in the air as san gives you a puzzling expression.

"i'm not taking any bribe--" he's cut off by the sweet tasting flavor of the cookie shoved in his mouth, the way his eyes swell erupting another giggle from you.

"this cookie is good." he takes it upon himself to finish the rest.

"it is."

"i'd still have to ask my father, though. he's out clearing the rest of the field, but you should have an answer by tomorrow morning. wake up extra early in case he says yes so you will have the time to get ready."

you bob your head like a hungry dog, just elevated at the possibility of getting the hell out of here for once.

"got it! i'll be back in the morning." you untangle the basket of cookies, handing it to him. "i made this for you and your father as a thank you for the breakfast yesterday."

he smile tenderly, accepting the offer.

"i'm gonna have to head back, so, see you in the morning tomorrow." you wave, already backing up. "thank you, san!"

he chuckles at the sight of you scuttling along the grasses and back into the house. you definitely are an interesting one.

your appearance is expected when he sees you skipping from a mile away until you stop next to him with heels digging the ground, chest leaned in and hands behind your back, speaking in a sweet tone, "so, what did your father say?"

he does a last once-over of everything on the truck before shutting off the back, head turning to you.

"he said you can come, but you'd have to return before the sun sets."

his words feeling as if you've finally been released as a prisoner, your feet all of a sudden jittery and unable to relax at the pure excitement, san even thinks you might burst any second.

"thank you thank you!"

you leap in for a hug without much thought, his body tensing at the sudden intimacy that makes him clear his throat, only staring dumbfoundedly as you pull away with a smile, emitting a floral scent that whisks past his nose.

"you're welcome," he replies, fighting a smaller smile of his own.

already thinking of what to bring to town, your face light up instantly at an idea.

"are you free right now, san?"

he presses his lips together and nods.

"i should be. we got pretty much everything. just waiting on my father."

"perfect. well then, would you like to accompany me to the river nearby?"

"oh? i didn't even know there was one."

"there is, let me show you!"

you snatch his wrist and he has to keep from tripping at how fast you're going, it must be some kind of skill to be able to do it in those heels.

when you insist to take the cruiser bike, he makes you get in the passenger seat instead, pointing out the directions for him as he cycles down the dirt road.

"keep your hold tight if you don't want to fall off," he mumbles from the front, with you following through as you practically suffocate his tiny waist, peeking your head out from his shoulders so you can tell him to turn left.

"you can stop here."

you fly off the bike immediately, not even bothering to wait for san to properly break. he can only snicker to himself watching as you skip to the open field of daisies with your bouncy dress that is a little too short.

"this place is beautiful," he comments, walking over as the plain grass brushes his legs, admiring the scenery of the river that sits in the middle of all the trees with the sun shining brightly behind it.

"isn't it?" you say in a high pitch, standing up and handing him a daisy that was picked out, but he just continues gawking, only giving in when you force it up his nose.

you pat and straighten the back of your skirt, sitting down to stare ahead at the view with san crouching into the same position.

"manshik would always take me here to pick out daisies," you say, prompting him to turn his head to your side profile.

"you seem very close to him."

"i was. he was like a father to me more than my actual father."

"you don't have a good relationship with your father?"

a deep sigh departs, combined with the drop of your chest.

"well how could i? he keeps me locked up in the farm like an animal. that's why i can't wait to get out of here."

"so you've never like... been out of the farm at all? not even to the forest or local places nearby?"

"i've been out before, to my knowledge. but that was when my mother was still alive and my father was nothing like the man he is now. i was also too young to remember anything. other than that, everything i know about the world outside the farm is from stories i've heard by my father's workers."

san's eyes grow into a mix of sympathy but also sadness, the thought of being confined to a single place your entire life and shut off from the world sounds like an absolute nightmare.

"sorry to hear..."

"it's fine. i've learned to work my way around it, which is why i'm always bothering you and your father, though manshik probably got it the worst."

he lets out a dry but genuine laughter.

"so really, thank you for this opportunity. i know i'm a handful."

"not at all. it is my pleasure. if you have anything in mind you'd like to do when you get there, let me know."

he smiles, gaze meeting your own when you finally turn to look at him.

"my father's cook, min, told me that manshik might have been buried in the town nearby. i came here because i wanted to pick out some daisies for his offering. do you think you can take me when we get there?" you wait for his answer, eyelashes blinking in anticipation.

"shouldn't be a problem. the town only has one gravesite."

"thank you so much, san. i really appreciate it!"

-

before leaving, you hurry back inside the house to get the last item on your list, bidding goodbyes to min and hyunjoo with a promise that you'll be back before your father's return in order to spare the two a heart attack.

the two older ladies unable to do anything else but sigh and shake their heads at the troublesome but understandable curiosity of yours.

you sit by the window, san squashed in middle of you and his father who's driving the truck.

within just the first fifteen minutes of the trip, he has to bite back an amused smile at how you ooh and ahh at even the dark and grimy forest that surrounds the area outside the farm, confirming you weren't exaggerating about the confinement.

"squirrel," you suddenly say, head out the window and butt off of your seat, san has to grab at your belt, afraid you really might fall off.

"there's plenty of them in town." he forces you back down. "now before you fly out."

you cross your arms and brush it off with a scoff, the excitement contained for a minute before catching a stream on the other side shielded by the rocks and trees, but the sound is evidence of its existence.

"that must flow back to the river," you comment.

"oh yeah, that makes sense," san agrees, the realization just hitting him.

he's never really paid much attention when commuting through the forest; not to the animals or the surrounding because he's seen many wildlife and passed many rivers and streams, it sometimes fly over his head.

the journey through the tall trees and sound of nature continues until you can see the light from the sun attempting to sneak through, eventually hitting a road that looks like it stretches out forever into nothingness.

mr. choi tells you that the forest didn't use to have a path that was easily accessible for traveling back and forth, so it either had to be done on foot or a much longer route needed to be taken in order to reach the other side. but over the last decade or so, it must had been a real hassle, a path was made.

"we're almost to the outskirt of town," san announces, and a few more silent strolls down the road, you can see a couple houses from the distance and some livestocks decorating the open field.

you're like a fish fresh out of water when the truck finally comes to a stop, amazed by the life and never-ending chitters around you that makes everything feel so alive.

"let's go," mr. choi says with a smile, san nodding his head in the direction of the door for you to open it.

your feet now on cement, nothing like the soils or grasses you're used to back at the farm, so it's different, but a good different.

"okay, enough of being in awe for now. we have to set up the stall first, then i'll take you around the town after," san's voice from behind takes you out of the fascination, along with the slamming of the car door.

"got it." you nod obediently, watching san run to the back to help mr. choi unload some of the boxes and baskets and then carrying it to the empty stall nearby.

you stand in spot, feeling completely useless and if you should help though your hands are full from clutching a book and bouquet of daisies.

seeing as they're coming back, you think about throwing the items into the car to make yourself useful when an unfamiliar voice kicks the thought out of your head.

"well well well, we haven't seen him in barely a couple of weeks, and he's already returned with a lover?"

you snap to the new arrivals, both of them settling to the left of you with the boy that had just spoken shooting a simple smile when he meets your gaze.

"she's not my lover," san replies, stopping in front of you three only to pry away to grab another box. "she's my boss's daughter."

"oh?" the other one says, you notice he's much taller than the first. "then your boss must've put a lot of trust in you if you're bringing her here."

san rolls his eyes and looks utterly annoyed, you've never seen him in that state before, it's almost humorous.

"what is your name, your majesty?" the first boy that spoke turns to you again.

"your majesty?" san repeats, the ridiculousness makes him want to roll his eyes once more. "will you guys stop yapping your mouth and help me and my dad out?"

"geez, so bossy you are," he sighs out but goes to help anyway with the other boy following behind.

after everything on the truck's been taken care of, you try to contain a giggle at the sight of all the men exhaling and trying to catch their breath, hands on their waist and all.

you wanted to help but they insisted they got it--as quoted by one of the new boy: "a proper lady like you shouldn't ever have to work hard."

"well, shit," the taller one says, being the first to get a word out of the bunch. "anyone up for a drink? heard the bar's having a deal today."

"i'm in." the other raises his hand. "this is also a perfect opportunity to introduce one another. we don't even know the pretty lady's name, yet."

"there will be no drinking and no learning about each other. y/n has to be back before the sun sets, and if you guys already can't see, me and father are a little busy."

"y/n... that's a pretty name," says the shorter boy. "okay, since san wants to be a major buzzkill, then maybe another time, your majesty?"

you nod at that, a smile on your lips.

"yeah, maybe another time." you hope.

the two goes off, waving until they can't anymore and disappearing out of sight.

"sorry, those are my idiot friends, also known as hongjoong and seonghwa."

you chuckle, shaking your head.

"no worries, they were fun."

and you were glad to see others who looks close to your age, swearing you'll never take that for granted given the circumstances you grew up with.

"i'll take you to the gravesite after this," san brings up, assuring he hasn't forgotten.

--

"so you're sure he was buried here?"

"again, it's only a might. but i can't think of anywhere else. if we can't find him, we'll just return back to the center."

"he didn't have any friends? families? do you know where he's from?"

"well..." you drag, at the same time attempting to catch up to san as he takes a big step up the hill. "he's never talked about it."

from your knowledge, manshik only left the farm for work, otherwise, he practically lived there. if he had friends or families, you don't know about them.

the man had a heart of gold, but he was a very mysterious person. you wish you would've asked more about him while he was alive because now thinking of it, you don't even know his last name--praying there doesn't happen to be another manshik at the site.

"we'll have to see," san says, coming to a stop at the top. "here it is. the only gravesite in the town."

it's rather small, with only a dark metal half-fence running around the entire site. you enter it first, glancing back at san, "can you help me look for his name?"

"of course."

you're careful to not knock into any other headstones, treading the area slowly to read each of the names.

"i think i found it," san calls from a few feet away, your head shooting up and hopping to where he is.

"cho manshik," you read the writing. "right! i think it was something like that."

if you think about it hard enough, digging into the deepest scrap of your memories, you could've swear manshik was a cho.

bending down on your knees, you place the bouquet of daisies in front of the headstone first before neatly adjusting the book next to it, closing your eyes to wish him a few words before getting up and bowing one last time.

"i hope i don't sound rude or anything, but why a book?" san asks on the trip back.

"that was manshik's favorite book," you answer with a proud smile. "he would always have me read it to him."

"ooh..." he sings, "what was it about?"

"a true love story. manshik loved those, but especially this one because the two main characters were able to overcome hardships because of love."

san hums, quirking his lips to the side. "interesting."

but he nearly crashes into you when you come to an abrupt stop, turning to him with a question dying to get out. the entire time all you've been talking about is yourself, you wish to learn more about him, too.

"tell me san, where are you from? do you have any other family members?"

he chuckles, those dimples making an appearance again, and san really is so handsome... especially up close.

"i'm from a village not too far from here, you can reach it by foot. as for your second question, yes. me and my father came to find work but on the occasion we do get time off, we return to the village to stay with my mother."

"ah..." you take in the new information. "that's where you guys will be staying for the next couple of days?"

he nods. "yes. it's much closer than the farm, and it's convenient."

you're already dreading the days to come knowing there won't be anything to kill time with, and also no farmboy your age to bother, all you can hope for is that it will pass quick enough.

when you don't say anything, he's the one to talk again.

"let's continue heading back. if you want to look around once we get there, feel free to. i'm gonna help my father in hopefully selling a few, then we can start getting ready to take you home. the sooner the better since it's an hour drive."

--

despite the few jewelry and book stores that catches your eye, you decide to help san and mr. choi instead, a choice that you're glad to have made.

getting to talk to people of all kinds and trying to persuade them is an experience like never before, it was hard to get back in the truck and wait for the return of your mundane life because the closer san gets to the forest, you know it's coming.

your arms are out the window with your chin resting on top, staring out at the scene and dwelling in the breeze, head already in a daydream about the day you'll get to come back.

when san announces the arrival, you nearly groan out.

"we're here, your majesty." he pries the door open when there's no movements, leaving you with no choice but to step out of the truck like a sulky child.

"what's wrong? not so happy to come back to the farm?"

"i'll be happy to be anywhere else but the farm," you snark, to which he responds immediately with a sweet-sounding laughter.

"it won't be the last time," he tries assuring.

"i hope," you say sharply, a silence hanging in the air until a question takes over. "how long are you guys going to be staying in town again?"

"hmm..." his lips tremble in the process. "maybe three to four days? it really depends on the sales."

"oh," you mumble, "then, can you do me a favor?"

"yeah, sure."

"can you get me a new book? any book! or maybe two. i haven't read anything new in months since hyunjoo hasn't been bringing in any. and lastly, if you can also get me a new vase, that'd be appreciated. i will make sure to pay you back every penny if you do."

san smiles at the request and nods.

"i'd be happy to."

"thank you so much!" you squeal, jumping in to give him a hug again, the touch sparking something inside of san that makes his cheeks glow a bright red.

"yeah, you're welcome," he tries saying nonchalantly when drawing back, fortunate you're as equally clueless when it comes to love despite having read countless novels about it.

"i-i uhm, gotta head back before it gets darker."

"safe driving, san! and see you in three or four days!" you wave, observing until the very last moment you can no longer make out the truck through the forest trees.

you wish you could tell your father that he's wrong. that the stories you've heard from books, and from min and hyunjoo are true; the outside a big place full of mismatched people with all kinds of smiles and personalities--nothing cruel like your father said they are.

the world is also beautiful, so many more lands and acres to explore, your curious heart that yearns for adventure and knowledge also wants no more than to just be a part of that world.

you've lost count of how many times you'd peek out the window or run out with your heels the minute your father leaves, expecting to see the boy with his father in the field because they happened to return early.

every time, you're met with disappointment. no father or son in sight, just the swaying of grasses as the birds chirp and fly high above the other side.

on the fifth day, almost a week since you've seen them, the revving of an engine outside the window picks your head up from the book you're reading, looking out to see that familiar red truck coming from the forest, absolutely overjoyed that you nearly knock into hyunjoo on the way out.

"you guys are back!" you jump in pure ecstasy once the car is parked and san crawls out the door, an amused smile still on his face at the image of you running all the way to the other side still ingrained in his head.

you look so happy, wide smile on and all, it does something to his heart at the fact you were waiting for him (and his father) all this time. it's similar to coming home and knowing his mother is there. the feeling sure does feel nice.

"yeah," he responds, attempting to hold back a laughter this time, seeing you're not even wearing any shoes. just how excited were you?

"how did sales go?" you ask, waving back to mr. choi when he greets you from the other side before walking off into the cottage.

"took an additional day than predicted but we managed to sell out. that was only the first batch, though. we would need to return next week after clearing the field again."

only a second after, he immediately recognizes that mischievous look in your eyes, the way your face lights up with an idea.

"can i come again?" your voice drops into that overly sweet tone that makes him chuckle a little, unable to resist.

"i'm sure my father is fine with it, as long as we follow last time," he confirms, snapping his neck back to the car when the reminder floods in. "i almost forgot."

you observe as he digs into the car seat, coming back with his hands full, gasping under your breath because you literally forgot, mind entirely clouded by nothing but the return.

"i have no idea what these books are about, but i asked the lady at the front for some recommendation on romance and she gave me these."

he hands it to you before continuing, "also wasn't sure what kind of vase you had in mind so i just picked this one out."

you accept the white ceramic vase into your hold graciously, smiling up at him through your teeth.

"thank you, san! they are perfect!"

he watch as you admire the new items with a pretty smile on your lips, the sight all of a sudden making his cheeks heat up again... you always do this.

he does think you're so pretty, probably the prettiest thing he's seen in his life, always with your floral dresses and curled hair stuck in a bow.

but when you're so sweet and kind, the closer you get to him; touch him, it makes him feel a certain way... similar to the way he'd get when hongjoong or seonghwa would pass around photos of naked women they ripped off of cheap publications... it's like that but also something else.

"how much was it altogether?" your question rips him away from the thought and to your innocent blinking lashes.

"oh no, it's fine. take it as a gift."

he's surprise he even managed without stuttering, never thinking that the exchange would make him so tense and nervous in the first place.

you frown, shaking your head.

"i couldn't do that. not after what i made you go through. here, take this."

when you move everything over to one arm, his brows raises in confusion on what exactly you're going to do, only for his body to freeze on the spot at your free hand shoved in your bra for much too long before getting out a couple rolled-up dollars.

"got it!" you declare as if it's an achievement, gaze moving to him, "here."

he swallows the knot in his throat, accepting the offer with a simple thank, afraid that putting up a fight would be much worse.

"i'm gonna go put these items away first... and hopefully put on some shoes, too," you say, looking down at your dirty feet, the comment actually bringing a genuine smile out of san, "i'll be back."

he nods, eyes tracing your figure that grows farther away, staring at the dollars you gave him again... dollars that probably had been sitting in between your boobs all day--and, what the fuck is wrong with him.

sighing one last time, he decides to retreat to the cottage, because maybe his father might have something for him that will hopefully be able to distract the thoughts of you for now.

san is still as nice as ever; helping and guiding you, and always answering any questions you have. the only problem is, he's just been slightly distant.

if you're both walking out to the field, he's at least a feet away. and if he's teaching you how to trim or pick out the produce, he does so with a good amount of distance and care, almost if he's trying to avoid touching you.

it's not like you guys were super close before or even ever did things together in the proximity of each other for this long, but it does hurt a little that you're barely able to hold a conversation with him anymore.

you've yet to pick out daisies for the new vase so you figure you'll ask san to come with, and if there's anything to talk through, you'll do so at the river shielded by everything else.

mr. choi is alone on the field when passing by, informing you san's still in the house and you're thinking the situation can't be more perfect.

"hello?" you echo upon entrance, the door unlocked most of the time since there's little chance of anyone wandering into the farm.

silence.

you make way to san's room, hearing the running of water from the bathroom and concluding he's in there, you make yourself comfortable on the end of his bed, sitting on top his blanket and nosy eyes roaming the decorations.

it's simple and plain, not really anything reminiscing of a young adult male but you also realize he probably didn't have much say. that your father probably just threw out all of manshik's things and hauled someone else in for a quick renovation.

the sound of water stops at the same time you shift uncomfortably at what feels like something protruding under the blanket, hopping out of the seat to yank it with the revelation turning your entire face a deep red.

you're so flustered you don't even hear the bathroom door shutting and san walking into the room to see you just standing there dumbfoundedly, tracing your gaze to the few stacks of photos he had made sure to hide. photos hongjoong and seonghwa gave him.

he rushes over to pull the blanket back in its spot, cheeks now as red as yours, if not, even more.

"y/n, what are you doing in my room?" he tries holding his voice firm to keep from the embarrassment overtaking his system.

"i-i wanted to come by to ask if you can go with me to the river..." your volume is low, unable to read his expression whether he's angry or not, "and your dad told me you were still inside."

he exhales, running one hand through his hair. he don't mean to come off so irritated but he don't know how else to contain the situation. what exactly do you say to a girl who finds you with naked photos of other girls?

"you could've waited for me on the couch or something."

"sorry..." you stare at your feet. "it's okay if you can't go. you seem... busy."

san can almost choke at your choice of word. why would you say it like that? he shakes his head, attempting to keep the composure.

"no, i'll go with you. just let me change first."

--

the trip there is a lot less awkward than you had thought.

it's relaxing even, with how the breeze travels past your skin and swoops your hair as it dances in the wind. your hands clasped onto san's tiny waist for balance, and your head leaning on his back as he cycles along the dirt road.

when the destination is reached, you're quick to hop off racing to the open field, maybe to distract yourself from what just happened though bits of it still lingers in the back of your mind.

san is behind and taking his time, even more desperate to rid of the recent event, staying quiet and keeping to himself while he watches you pick the daisies one by one.

you usually wear dresses--short dresses, and maybe his eyes might've lingered on your exposed legs due to it a few (or a couple) times, but the skirt you're wearing today is extra short, and your top is cut very low, he can practically see your cleavage from where he's standing.

the sudden image of your fingers digging through your bra, pressing your breast against the other, he still remembers how soft it looks, and how--

"san!" your voice snaps him out, meeting eyes that already leveled his own when you were still just ripping out daisies last he recalled.

"oh shit, i'm sorry. what happened?"

"what's wrong with you?" you frown, arms coming up to cover your upper half. "you were staring at my breasts!"

the accusation sends him into a whirl of panic.

"i-i wasn't, i was just--"

"--yes you were, don't lie. i saw it."

you huff, stepping around him before turning again.

"first, you were looking at photos of other naked women and now you're checking me out--"

"--don't say it like that," he cuts, now more offended than embarrassed that he sounds like a complete pervert.

"then how do you want me to say it?"

"i'm just--i'm just going through something, okay?" like that's all the explanation that's needed for his recent behaviors, but you're still standing there unconvinced, eager to get to the root.

"well, what is it?"

the conversation and topic isn't easy, especially to a girl of his age, more so one who's the cause of it; that the reason he's been making use of sexually explicit photos from his friends and stealing glances where he shouldn't is because of the ache in his pants.

any slightest gesture from you drives him absolutely crazy, sweet or not sweet. he thinks you should know that, given how much you probably stick your nose in romance novels.

"haven't you ever like... read erotica or something?" he says, almost irritatingly he has to spell it out.

"what? no."

the tangent on the tip of your tongue about why you don't do any of that, not because your father raised you to be pure and lady-like, stripped away from the idea of seeking a man only for pleasure, but you just prefer simpler romance.

ones where you can lose yourself in a daydream; the retelling of looking in the other's eye and knowing they're the one. cheesy, sappy romance.

san's message hits you halfway into your thoughts, staring back at him and growing flustered.

you may have spent more than half your life confined to the farm, but you're no hermit completely deprived of civilization.

if san's trying to say what you think he is, you're not sure how to feel about it.

--

when you don't show the next day, san believes that he have officially ran you off. creeped you out so bad even the hunt for knowledge and adventure can't bring you out of hiding.

the day after, when he and his father is set to leave to town, car parked in front of your house to adjust some of the boxes, he's surprise when the front door comes flailing, the sound hard to miss even from where he's standing.

you pop from under the hood, hair half-tied the way you always have it and with a different floral dress, the only thing in your hand a lone daisy.

"hi," you speak, it being almost as low as a whisper.

san blinks down at you and throw on a smile, unable to comprehend that it's only been a day and his body is reacting as if you've been gone for a month.

"hi."

"can i still come?" there's a shyness to your voice, maybe a little bit of shame that you chickened out yesterday only to show again at your own convenience.

but it wasn't that you were trying to avoid him after what happened. you were just trying to sort out your feelings and needed to be away for better judgment.

you spent so long cradling the concept of romance, your head always in books and viewing the idea through a rose-coloured glass.

but that's all romance's been to you--a fantasy in writing form that you think would be nice. think it'd be good to have someone by your side who loves you so much, they'd sacrifice everything.

now, you're starting to feel a lot like the female protagonists you'd curse at because how can they be so foolish and hesitant when it comes to love.

you just couldn't predict you would actually get into a situation with a boy who, maybe, probably takes a small interest in you--only possibly.

and to experience it for the first time, you learn that the concept is actually a bit scary. consuming. nerve-racking.

it makes your heart beat faster in your chest, your fingers and legs tense and nervous, and butterflies swoops your stomach sitting next to him as your eyes shy away when he'd accidentally meet yours.

he really is so handsome, kind, and always gentle with not only you but everything he comes in contact with, and you're not only saying that because he's one of the few guys your age (out of three) you know of.

as soon as you three arrive in town, seonghwa and hongjoong along with two new faces you've never seen before, comes shoving through the commotion and make a circle around the truck.

"look who finally showed again," hongjoong quips, one side of his body leaning on the parked car.

"yeah, but he only showed for work. he's not gonna want to go grab a drink with us," seonghwa adds, gaze caught in yours shortly after.

"but at least y/n's here. maybe she won't mind?"

"y/n," says a blonde one from behind seonghwa, "didn't know san got a girlfriend."

the scene brings a chuckle out of mr. choi, sorting through the items before leaving you youngsters to talk among yourselves.

"she's not san's girlfriend," hongjoong turns to the boy in correction, from the corner of your eye seeing as san already start huffing in annoyance, "she's his boss's daughter he just so happens to always bring along these trips, that's it."

"interesting," hums the other one, closer to hongjoong's height and dark haired, pushing past the other boys until he's standing in front of you. "i'm wooyoung, it's a pleasure meeting you."

you're about to return his greeting when san beats you to it.

"how jobless are you guys to both, be waiting on my arrival, and to even have the time to blurt so many nonsense?" he's snarky, but with a hint of playfulness.

"uhm, excuse me," wooyoung retorts, "ain't nobody faster at clearing the field than us, that's why we're gonna be in town all day."

"what, so you guys can get high off your asses?"

"no other way to do it after long days of work!"

the group of boys continues teasing san in the name of affection, eventually helping him and his father out while blabbering even more nonsense before moving onto sharing stories.

they tell you of how all eight of them--yes, eight, met and came to form the crazy friendship they have to this day. boys from the same village, they said. growing up and finding similarities in each other, they also learned to lean on one another through the hardships of life.

you find the blonde one is named yeosang, and the other three who isn't here currently are yunho, mingi, and jongho being the youngest of the group.

it's a bit chaotic initially, so many bodies standing around one tiny stall, but soon when most of the population gets out of bed and start migrating to the town center, it's proven to be good for business.

five handsome faces catching onlookers attention and pulling them immediately to the spot as the men smile and thank the flustered customers of mostly women by bagging their items.

you smile endearingly thinking to yourself, these boys are definitely some efficient marketing tool.

"but if there's one thing you need to know about him, is that he talks out of his ass more than half the time," san curses wooyoung's name again, testifying the accuracy of his story of san eating shit.

he didn't eat shit. he just almost did, because stupid ass wooyoung and mingi wanted to visit the gravesite at night and ran like little girls when they heard the branch creaking.

you giggle at that, nodding.

"i believe you."

speaking of gravesite, you told san you're gonna visit manshik again and he insisted to come along which you're grateful for because it's only natural the place gives you the creep.

"but yeah, i hope my friends wasn't too much," he says upon reaching the site.

"not at all!" you shake your head, passionate about the answer because that was the most life you've seen and felt in so long, such a contrast to the dull silence at home you're used to.

all the smiles, laughters, and chitters of the boys poking fun at one another and recalling embarrassing stories done so mischievously but also with a certain fondness that it was an absolute sight to see.

the way they tried including you in everything and asking questions when you're quiet for too long, afraid you might feel left out, bringing in the false sense that you've known them for years though you just met.

you're relieved wonderful people like san and his father has equally wonderful people in their lives.

"if you say so," he ends the conversation there, gaze following your walking figure that is soon on the ground to place the lone daisy the same way before, closing your eyes and wishing that wherever manshik is, he's doing well.

san lets you lead the way again, his steps trailing from behind and watching for anything. one minute you're still maintaining your balance and the next, your body's flailing forward at the rock you missed, nearly landing onto your face if san hadn't rush over to keep you from falling.

his arms nicely wrapped around your waist and face only inches away from yours, his breath practically ghosting over your skin.

he's absolutely beautiful, fox eyes staring back and red cheeks coming into bloom at such proximity, he has to clear his throat and pull away when time seems to have stopped.

"sorry," he mutters almost inaudible, lashes fluttering cutely. and you don't know what comes over suddenly, your body reacting before your mind, hands going to retrieve his.

"it's okay," you whisper, closing off the space with san peering down with the most scared but desperate look on his face until you're flushed against his chest, the thumping of his heartbeat loud to your ears.

he swallows hard and the longest silence ensues after.

you're not exactly sure why you pulled him back and why all instincts jumped when he removed his touch. right now, you just know you wanna kiss him, plumped lips and all taunting your deprived body that wants to experience these things for yourself.

so nervous about love; romance but also wanting someone by your side to call yours.

if he likes you, there's no reason to not give it a chance at least, lifting your feet off the ground and dipping in for a kiss on his frozen lips and coming back down to look for a reaction.

he still doesn't say anything, causing an embarrassment to rose immediately, talking in your small voice, "sorry--"

but his lips is on yours again, grip tight on your hips and messy kisses as if he's done this a thousand times before.

your hands find comfort at the rest of his shoulders, attempting to match his pace the best your virgin lips can.

he pulls back first, soft and gentle push at your hips as you both try catching your breath.

"what was that just now?" he says, brows pinched together and like he's seconds away from laughter.

"i don't know..." you reply, a shy smile on, barely able to look at him because your heart is about to fly out of your chest now that the elephant in the room's finally addressed.

both your bodies stand there in the silence of daylight but it doesn't at all feel awkward.

"san," you call out sweetly, to which he acknowledges with a hum. your grip on his shoulders having moved to fiddling his shirt around his chest.

"do you like me?" your tendency to be frank and honest calls for his own as well.

san doesn't have much experiences, not from the girls in the village or nearby towns not taking interests in him or anything like that, a couple of them giving him the stare before.

but because he's spent most of his life in the field and helping his family, sometimes lucky if he's able to stay in one place for more than a few months, the thought of finding the one despite being of age barely crossing his mind.

he's had curiosity and aches, yes, but that's about as far as it goes.

being around you too long, always walking or running in your pretty heels and dresses just looking like that, but especially with how you treat him, he can say he does like you if that also speaks of how much he likes the kiss just now.

"you could say that." he quirks one side of his lips and you can only smile.

because you understand to an extent you both do want this but everything is new, scary, and a bit unfamiliar, which is why you say it's worth a try though whether it will work or not is beyond your grasp.

the return to the center is different, most of the boys unable to pinpoint what is but that something has changed after the trip and is affecting both of your current behaviors.

san is smiling more, and you're starting to become rather shameless with the glances you'd steal his way. whatever it is, they believe it to be something good for the two of you.

when the time comes and you're to go back, accidentally bumping your shoulder into san's when seated in the car that it sets off that familiar sensation.

the situation still new and excited, hiding a smile and keeping your gaze on the road before falling into a slumber on his shoulder.

"y/n."

you awake at the soft call of your name and a light tap on your head.

"we've arrived."

prying your eyes apart the best you can, you face the boy whose voice and touch it belongs to before he gets out to your side and opens the door.

"thanks," you say on the way out, another gentle hold on your arms to keep from stumbling.

coming into view with the house isn't as terrible as expected, but you don't feel particularly excited about it, too. every reminder of being trapped and stripped of freedom, made worse by the fact you know you won't see san again for a while.

"i should go now," he speaks, hesistant and unsure. "i look forward to seeing you again in a few days."

he only makes it a couple steps to the other side when you shout with a protest of "wait" and is already standing in front of him, so nervous but also eager, going to place a peck on his lips.

"i'll see you soon, san," his name falling off more comfortably now.

you see those cute dimples emerging from his cheeks, his reply the closing to the entire scene.

"i'll see you, y/n."

the days goes by very slowly, as a matter of fact.

you still peek your head out the window but with very little expectations, and by the fourth day, you assume that they will be back tomorrow the same as before.

when the morning of the fifth comes, you take your heels and run out the door anticipating for the appearance of a red truck from the forest trees. but nothing. not a single sign of life outside; not even in the afternoon or evening.

you wait for tomorrow, hopeful and yet to jump into conclusion because there's so many reasons why san and his father couldn't make it back in time.

but it's also the same that day, then the day after, and the one after that, too. progressively, your mind that tried being optimistic about it faltering each time you go out and see they haven't returned.

an entire week of nothing, you take it upon yourself and make way to the cottage that morning, knowing the chance of them actually having arrived days ago unannounced is unlikely, but you wish to be wrong.

and for the first time in your life, you hate that you're actually right. the door locked and no sound from anywhere but your desperate knocking.

you retreat back to the house in defeat.

the following afternoon when you're at table for dinner, fork stabbing your untouched food with a huge brick sitting on your chest, you finally ask min, no longer able to hold back the concerns plaguing your mind.

because she's your father's worker, it's her duty to know about everything that goes on around the farm. not you, though. your father doesn't tell you anything if that isn't obvious by now.

"min," you speak, voice relaxing and nothing at all like the turmoil at the pit of your stomach.

she looks up from wiping the counter with a nervous twitch at the call, but with something so attentive like she was expecting this moment.

"it's been a week and mr. choi and his son hasn't returned. do you know what possibly could be taking them this long?"

she just stands there, staring off into space before moving it to her shoes. she knows something you don't.

"min?" you squeak, all that turmoil and worries starting to seep.

you watch with a racing heart as she throws down the towel and turns to look at you, the pity in her eyes similar to that of when she'd tell the new restrictions your father came up with that is in effect immediately.

"mr. choi and his son has been dismissed."

you have to do a second take at that, convinced for a second you're hearing things, but it's all very real. and despite being strict and on the occasional, cranky, min always have your best interest at heart and would never lie.

"w-what why?" is all that manages to make out of your mouth, though questions are generating at the speed of light.

"your father knew they took you to town and fired them on the spot when he found out. i know he ordered for their things to be taken to them, so they most likely won't be coming back."

"but how did he--"

"someone in town recognized you and reported back to your father, that's all i know for now."

the waves of emotions attacking all at once is unexplainable. anger, hopelessness, guilt.

angry at your father for acting like the tyrant that he is, throwing people away like they're disposable at his own convenience. and because you know the second you bring it up, he will claim to be doing it for your own good. bullshit.

but the rage making you red in the face is nothing compared to the guilt, feeling absolutely awful since this is all your fault. your silly little want for adventure and fun is the cause for the permanent loss of san and his father's job, something they do for a living for the roof over their head and food in their stomach.

thinking back to the last few days, that while they were probably trying to piece everything together again, you were just going on your days like nobody's business.

you're about to be sick, not feeling much mightier than your father.

so you sit there on the stairs with each of the emotions taking turns. the current--frustration and anger winning while waiting for him to come home from his daily meetings or whatever he does. you don't really care.

when the front door creaks open, you're fast to stand up in the already thick air ready for a father-daughter fight in the making.

he's surprise to see you, his sweet daughter that is supposed to listen to him and keep quiet at all time.

"why couldn't you just punish me instead? why did it have to be them?" you're straightforward, not allowing any time for confusion, unable to afford it right now.

your father barely squints his eyes but eventually, he gets the message. hanging his jacket onto the rack and heading for the kitchen instead.

you hate it, the way he always fucking act and talk to you like you're stupid and anything that comes out your mouth is unimportant.

"are you going to talk to me?" your voice is stern right behind him, your father drinking a glass of water before putting it down and turning to you. he isn't moved in the slightest.

"there is nothing to talk about. they went behind my back and got what they deserved."

"how can you even say that," disgust and hurt in your voice. "they have been nothing but amazing, including manshik whose passing i have to find out on my own because you won't tell me anything!"

"you don't need to know anything. they work for me, they're not people for you to become friends with so you can ask them to bring you anywhere."

"then what the hell do you want me to do?" you yelp, the volume quite impressive you didn't think you could ever be this loud and mad before. "you keep me inside this farm like a prisoner! but you know what, at least a prisoner has a variety of people to talk to and have the chance of getting out!"

he closes his eyes and exhale, and you already know what he's going to say next. what he always say.

"i'm only doing this to protect you!"

"no!" you're quick to hit back. "you're only doing it for your own selfish reasons. if you really care about me, i wouldn't be on the brink of madness counting down the minute i lose my sanity because i'm so freaking tired of this stupid farm!"

"y/n," he growls, and you don't like fighting with your father but it feels like it's the last option. all the long years of frustration pent-up coming to the surface in the ugliest way.

"your mother was exactly like you, always so eager and excited to see the world and look what happened to her! do you want to share the same fate as your mother?"

"that doesn't mean i'm gonna end up like her!"

from what you know, your mother liked traveling a lot, especially going from one town to another. then she contracted an illness from one of them; an outbreak, they said. she failed to recover and passed away shortly after.

you never really got to know much about her. you were so young then.

"enough! i don't want to hear you talk about that boy or his father, and i order you to stay inside!"

tears starts welling though the last thing you want to be seen as is weak, you're so upset he never listens to you.

"i hate you!" you shout, storming up the stairs and into your room.

--

no matter what, you can't surrender; let your father win and be confined to this prison for the rest of your life, living the same day over and over again until you're too old to even walk anymore.

another thing, is you're afraid you won't see san ever again. the first boy to make something flutter inside your chest, turning your vision with splashes of pink whenever you look at him, and the boy who you shared the first kiss with.

out of anger, and out of spite, you feel you have to do something.

when midnight creeps in, the moon high above in the sky and the entire interior a dark color, you sneak out of the house, the process actually more simple than you had thought.

maybe your father expected you to follow his orders like before, or that you won't have the guts to go out at such hour or at all, but the internal commotion (and drive) proves to be greater than anything, even completely numbing any sense of fear that would usually come with the nightly wind and an empty forest.

the path to town is straightforward and you have the directions ingrained with just the few trips, biking all the way over there with nothing but the hope you'll be able to find someone who knows san's whereabouts.

he's never told you where the village he resides in is located. worst case scenario, you're going to have to find it yourself.

the town is different at night in comparison to the lively atmosphere you're used to, it looks almost ghostly with how some of the flyers slides on the flooring, the wind blowing strong, and there's practically no one here.

but you catch a light from the corner of your eye, maybe one of the only two building to still be alive. you make way to it, the banner at the front hitting you with familiarity.

wonderland. it is the bar san's friends always talked about going in. feeling a lot more hopeful again, you enter and deduce that even if they aren't here, someone around must have heard of san, at the very least.

your eyes roam the old town bar, small but cozy, before your name falls from someone's lips.

"seonghwa?" you squeak, surprise but relieved to see someone you recognize. just when every ounce of hope was about to fly out of your body.

"i heard san and his father lost their jobs," seonghwa says, after you told him you're looking for san and the older boy bring up the coincidence that he's just about to head home.

"yeah... and it's all my fault because i asked to come along knowing my father would've retaliated if he found out."

"you're being too harsh on yourself. i'm sure san and his father doesn't see it like that."

you sigh out harshly, a short silence passing before speaking again.

"do you know how they're doing right now?"

he shakes his head.

"not really. i haven't spoken to him in like two days. was busy with work and all, just finally got the time to catch a drink tonight. but last i heard, they're on the hunt for work again."

"oh..." you mumble, unable to help the guilt making a reappearance at what he just said.

"again, it's not your fault," he adds before stopping and nodding his head off to one of the houses. "this is my cue. san's should be the first on that turn over at the corner, some colorful garden, it will be hard to miss. good luck."

you nod and thank him courtly before he goes off, the man really so kind and wonderful, a different side to him because you're used to him being the butt of the joke or in the back hiding a laughter.

you put the bike off to the side and approach the door with caution, knocking twice as quiet as you can, not wanting to alert anyone at this hour that you're here trespassing or anything.

the door opens to a woman, friendly smile on and a lot shorter than you, who you can only assume to be san's mother if you followed seonghwa's instructions correctly and didn't wind up on some stranger's door instead.

"hello?" she greets you.

"hi, i was just wondering if--"

but your question is answered when mr. choi pops from behind, an equally welcoming smile on when he recognizes you.

"well hello there, young miss," he says, gesturing for you to come in, your eyes curiously wandering the much smaller home once inside.

"this is the daughter of our previous boss," mr. choi introduces, an embarrass flush growing on your cheeks from the usage of previous.

"are you here by his request?" he asks, and you shake your head, about to apologize for everything and maybe leave out the part where you ran away from home, but really just apologize, when the closing of a door snaps your head that direction and sees san just standing there.

"what are you doing here?" he finally speaks once it's just the two of you outside.

you have been waiting to see him again after an entire week, after sharing a kiss and him confirming the possibility of a feeling being mutual, the way your body reacted at the sight of him is electric.

you also thought he would be happy to see you, or at least look the slightest relieved you came. but that doesn't seem to be the case at all, his face everything but a smile ever since he saw you.

"it's all my fault that you and your father lost your job, and i'm so--"

the rambling is cut when he jumps in with a serious, "you shouldn't be here, y/n." all the sparks and hopes of a sappy reconciliation out the window that moment, the scene nothing reminiscing of any romance novels you've read.

"but my father--"

"--it's cool. we'll just look for work again, it shouldn't be too hard. but please tell me you didn't come all the way over here against your father's wishes just for this."

you can only stare at him, the once soft gaze turning cold, because how can he be so dismissive like it's nothing. you know you came by your own will, but it hurts how small he's making the matters sound.

"i came because i feel awful about what happened, and because..." you're afraid you won't see him again.

it may be some form of puppy love, or just the fondness of one another, or that he's the only guy your age you've ever got to know this closely, or that you're the only girl his age he can hold a conversation with for more than a minute, but you are afraid of losing him.

feared that you will forever be stuck in the farm and won't ever see the dimpled boy who'd accompany you to the river, and who allowed you to see a small part of the world for the first time.

"because i wanted to apologize..." you say defeatedly.

had he reacted differently, the confession for sure would've slipped, but it doesn't look like he wants to hear that right now.

"it's okay, don't worry about it."

the assurance doesn't make it any better; if anything, it might've made you feel worse with the thickest silence gauging the air, and that after everything, this is all he can say.

"you should go back," he starts, the silence sitting for long enough.

"no," you reply, because you understand the circumstances... you do. but you also have the tendency to be frank; honest, always wearing your heart on your sleeve. "i'm not going back."

"you have to." he steps closer, not out of intimacy, but because you can tell he's starting to get frustrated.

"he's never going to let me out again if i go, and especially if he finds out i snuck out of the house, i might as well be good as dead."

now, you're starting to sound a lot like a child throwing a tantrum because they got scolded. you absolutely do not need that given the fact all your father ever does is reprimand your behaviors.

"he's your father, y/n. he wouldn't be that cruel to his own daughter."

"you don't know my father, san."

"no, i don't, but it won't be good for you to stay here. i can take you back before it gets too late."

disappointment, betrayal, and once again, anger, brews in your blood, your chest, and your stomach.

"it's fine. i can go back myself."

san watch as you pick up your bike and walk off, not even bothering to spare him a last glance. but even in the pitched darkness, he was still able to make out your brows closing together and your once pretty smile that turned into a frown.

--

dragging your bike all the way back to the town center, you don't even have the heart to get on it, your mind entirely clouded and if you so happen die on this road; get robbed or held at gunpoint, you probably don't even care.

disappointment, betrayal, and anger still in the deep of your chest, because of all people, you wouldn't have guessed it would come from san.

coming all the way here for him; the sweet boy who told you he likes you and thinking he might be able to help because the relationship was getting somewhere.

now, you just feel foolish; stupid, but more so, hurt.

his voice still loud and echoing, telling you to go back to your father even after everything you've shared with him. because although there's no wounds to show for your father's actions all these years because he doesn't get physical, your heart will be forever scarred.

it will remember the days locked inside your room or house and thinking of all the missed opportunities, or all the could be's if he had let you live like any other kids and grow with the curiosities and constant urges for adventure, instead of at this age where you still seek those things.

the center is empty when you get there, all the lightings already out and you don't even have it in you to be scared of the dark or the fact you're alone.

throwing your bike against the bench, you take a seat to catch your breath, all ideas out at this point. that you might as well go back home and kneel to your father and hope he's lenient enough he'll still let you roam the farm.

minutes of staring into nothingness and listening to the ghostly wind, you finally hear something that makes the goosebumps on your arms rise a little.

steps and breathing that only gets closer and louder, and you're still just frozen in your spot like any character making a stupid decision, ready to accept your fate.

"y/n?"

but the voice's still like music to your ear, turning around so fast to see san just a couple feet away and trying to catch his breath as well.

your body doesn't lie and it reacts to him strongly, gaze softening and the beating of your heart a calm but happy one, because he came after you in the end.

"thank goodness, i was afraid you might've already went too far," he says in between the tired pauses, taking the seat next to you.

you look at him through your blinking lashes, a laughter on the verge of coming out at his state because he's huffing and puffing like no tomorrow. but it's also evident of how hard and fast he ran.

when you took the official leave, really turning your back on him, he did think it was for the better. because what kind of father, especially yours, would be okay with his daughter choosing someone like him?

he's just a measly farmboy, always out in the sun and field and always traveling to find work. he's meant to find a girl from the same village; fall in love with her and settle down with her. not you.

not someone whose family has made a name for themselves, and especially not someone whose father is yours. it just doesn't work like that.

he was ready to accept it, but then he realized... he may never see you ever again. and something about that really bothered him.

he's okay with not being able to love you; love a concept still new to him, but it does upset him at the thought of you guys becoming strangers; the other person only a memory of the past. he don't want that.

he will miss you, the first girl he kissed who has an obsession with heels, floral dresses, daisies, and books. and he had a gut feeling that if he lets you go now, he's going to regret it for a long time.

"you came after all..." you mumble, not too long ago so hopeless and lost, but it already feels so much better with him just being here.

"yeah." he nods, moving closer and looking down at you. "are you still upset with me?"

he might've said some things he didn't mean, with the only goal to get you to return because he can't think of any other reasons why you'd want to stay here instead.

"of course," you spit quietly, your lips already trembling with tears threatening to spill just thinking back to how much his words hurt you in that moment.

you're a bit of a crybaby at heart.

"i'm sorry, i was just..." he tries finding the right word but is unable to, opting to wipe the first tear to appear from your eye.

"i feel super bad about what happened, i know i keep saying that, but i do. and because i-i thought you liked me enough--"

"--i do like you," he cuts, beginning to get desperate.

"then why?"

"because..." he fumbles the wording again, his choices usually flowery so he can walk around the truth, but you've been nothing but honest, san could learn a thing or two.

"because even if we were to start something, what good would it do? and how long until we realize it was doomed from the start?"

he may not know a lot about love or romance, but he knows about reality. the hardships and hassle of life, and the possible and impossible.

"i'm just a farmboy, y/n. do you really think you want someone like me?"

you swallow nervously, denial at the tip of your tongue, but you know it holds some truth... that the "difference" is there. but you've never thought of him as lower than you or ever looked down on him and his father for the work they do.

anyone that comes into your life with kindness and respect, you will treasure, always having placed value in a person's heart.

"if i wasn't sure, i wouldn't have came all the way over here."

"but what about your father?"

"what about my father? this is about me and my choices, who cares about him?"

san's about to say something but decides to give you the victory, your tongue always a little sharp and you've always been stubborn.

"alright, well, i'm not about to argue with you again. we should head back." he gets up and holds out a hand, your sulky face turning into a smile that instant.

"i can come?"

he nods, fighting the smile at the sight of you squealing before wrapping your hand around his tightly.

--

you're not sure what the morning has in store for you; the creativity your father is gonna go to in order to get you back, but you just know that right now, your heart feels at rest with the boy you like.

somehow, he was able to convince his parents in letting you two share the same bed, reassuring them a pillow would be put right in the middle for separation, a man and a woman in bed together when they're unmarried still frowned upon... but you would say otherwise.

especially if you guys like each other, you don't see the crime in falling asleep in one another's arms or wanting to just be close; your body desperate for his touch again.

the mattress creeks under the shift of your weight, moving closer to san and snaking an arm around his waist assuming he's asleep, but he instead twitches under your touch and the warmth of his hand caressing your arm makes you jump.

"y/n? what are you doing?"

"i, uh... i just wanted to hug something. it helps me sleep faster," you're quick to come up with something, all the years of sleeping with your stuffed animals, the presence of another human being different in a good way.

he shift and turns over at that, the movements felt on the hold you have around him, knowing he's probably facing you right now but unable to see it with the stupid pillow in the way.

grabbing it only to throw it onto the floor, he's surprise at the boldness, but more so at your eyes in the darkly lit room staring back once he can make out your features better.

"hi," you whisper, a smile on that san can't miss.

"hey."

"were you asleep?"

he shakes his head, his ruffled and messy hair brushing your forehead as he does so.

"i thought you were the one asleep."

"couldn't sleep," you say.

"how come? is it because of your father?"

"kind of, but..." you scoot even closer, both your eyes leveling and lips only inches apart, "i was also thinking about you."

the words jolt san more awake than ever, the reason he was unable to sleep also because of you. the closeness conjuring up that feeling again he's tried to ignore because it made you upset last time.

"what about me were you thinking of?" he edges on, attempting to keep his composure because you're so close and he kind of wants to kiss you again.

"just... how much i like you, i don't know. no matter what my father or anyone else say."

san lets a few seconds of silence pass before he replies, a smile on his lips because he's moved by your words.

"i like you, too. like actually really really like you."

he's still not sure if it's love--or if it's possible to love someone in that short amount of time, but he knows everything is so comfortable and easy with you.

with one hand reaching out to knead the silky skin of your cheek, he takes you in for a kiss. a bit messy but also passionate; desperate. he takes his time, the taste of your lips one he will savor forever.

moving against the other's flesh, you don't know how long you've been kissing him, but as soon as you're pulling apart, you're both catching your breath followed by quiet, happy laughters.

you really do like him so much.

"goodnight, y/n," he mumbles, his voice the perfect one to fall asleep to.

"goodnight, san."

--

despite the rocky start of yesterday, the bits with san last night made you so happy and hopeful, falling into a deep slumber with the thought that you're going to be okay no matter what happens.

but when you wake to the morning sun and a series of muffled voices outside the room, that anxiety and nervousness comes crashing back because although you may have acted tough and cursed your father's name, you're still scared of him to an extent.

walking out, the light from the front door makes you squint before the familiar faces outside it has you already next to san's parents and finding that the two arrivals are none other than your father's men.

"your father has ordered us to bring you home by the end of today," one of them says, at the same time san stalks up behind you.

"well, tell him i'm not coming," you reply, nearly rolling your eyes, already annoyed.

"but miss, you have to."

aware that if you don't give a better reason than simply not wanting to go back, it's gonna be an endless back and forth of 'i don't want to' and 'but you have to', you latch onto the first lie you can think of.

"tell him i'm not coming back because..." you even fumble, buzzing before continuing on," because i already agreed to get married."

everyone snaps to you like you're crazy and maybe you are a little. san giving the widest eyes when you back up to wrap your arms around one of his, snuggling your head with an exaggerated smile at your father's men.

"so if he really wants me to come back, he's going to have to come himself."

your father's men can only sigh and shake their heads before retreating back, a victory smirk on you, but san doesn't look very amused.

--

"i was just buying some time," you explain like a child in trouble, with san sitting across.

because if you had given into your father and went back the second he asked, your life would be no different from before. and worse, he most likely would forbid you from seeing san.

you're more afraid of that than anything. so you buy time so you can be with him a little longer. his soft hand in yours and shy lips that wants to kiss as badly as you do.

because when there's a knock at the front door again, the clock almost striking midnight, you know it's your father. and whether you want to or not, you're most likely gonna have to go back.

when mr. choi welcomes him in, you can't even bother to spare a glance, whether out of spite or embarrassment, you just know you don't want him here.

the first couple of minutes are spent with mandatory introductions, big and welcoming smiles on both of san's parents and a smaller one on your dad before they offer him a drink, and then the real show starts.

"i apologize for my daughter if she troubled you guys in any way, i understand she's a bit careless and often do things on impulse."

you fume through your nose, the only thing holding you back is san's soft squeeze on your hand, intertwining it with yours the second they started talking because he knew it was gonna be needed.

"oh no, she didn't at all!" mr. choi brushes it off, the man always full of respect and fairness unlike your father, who you can tell is actually taken aback that others don't agree you're as troublesome as he makes you out to be.

"i also don't mean to make my visit so short, but as i'm sure you're aware, it's quite late and i hope to make it back as soon as possible."

"no worries." mr. choi nods understandably, "if you guys have to get going, don't feel obligated to stay."

your father only hums in return before standing up and turning to you.

"let's go."

the panic that comes over is fast, your squeeze on san's hand getting tighter because this can't possibly be it. he can't just walk in here, not even bothering to hear you out at the very least, and then walk out and expect you to just follow through.

"i don't want to," it almost sounds like a hiss, but your voice already beginning to sound clogged and nose runny at the few tears that slipped out because your fear is starting to become a reality.

if you go back, you most likely won't see san again.

your father only exasperate, whether he doesn't want to make a scene in front of others or that he's tired of arguing with you since he knows you don't have any other choice.

you can't stay here forever, and he knows that.

"i'll be waiting outside," is all he says, his eyes catching the tight grip you have on san before walking out.

"i-i don't want to go," you say through the tears, staring at san so desperately as he wipes them away with his thumbs.

"you have to."

as much as he doesn't want to tell you that, the sting in his heart now that he knows is going to be much worse later, hiding and keeping you to himself at home just isn't feasible right now.

"i promise," he whispers, closing the distance and looking into your puffy red eyes peering up at him and gauging his words so carefully, "i promise that i'll come visit you."

your lashes flutter at that, heart a little hopeful again.

"you really promise?"

he nods, a handsome smile on his lips before going in to give your forehead a tender kiss.

"i promise."

the silence is deadly the second you finally get into your father's car, even the driver at the front have to clear his throat to cut the thick tension.

only keeping your gaze ahead with a permanent sulky expression, your father's voice emit from beside you.

"that boy, you like him?"

but you don't answer, an eye roll is what you give instead because it should be obvious by now.

even though you've practically ran away as a cry for help, on the verge of leaving the farm and your father for good, not much seems to have changed--for the better or worse.

relieved that he didn't bestow some horrific punishment on you or forever take the privilege of going outside, but also disheartened at the lack of progress.

all the crying and efforts of protesting only to land you two right back to silent dinners, non-existent conversations, and an awkward thick tension always hanging in the air.

at this rate, you don't look forward to anything but the hope that san will keep his promise. but even that's starting to fade the more days passes and that dream feeling so much further away because there doesn't seem to be any signs of that ever coming true.

almost two weeks after, you wake to a disruptive sound outside your window, having to pull at your pillow to your ears so you can continue sleeping.

the door to your bedroom jolts open and has you snapping up to hyunjoo standing there.

"miss, someone's here for you."

making way down the stairs after carelessly throwing something on because who else could possibly be here for you, unless your father has finally came up with how to torture you for the rest of his life.

but when the first fresh air of the morning weather hits you, the first thing in your line of sight to be that familiar red truck, you think you still might be dreaming, the only indication this is all very real is the beating of your heart and how loud it is to your ears.

watching as a figure dig through the car with only their legs and back visible, those shoulders all too recognizable by now that you can't help but call out.

"san?"

if someone could monitor your heart rate right now, the machine might as well explode.

when he finally draws back at the sound of your voice and turn to look over his shoulder, the smallest whimper but the biggest tears of joy leaves you both at once running to him that instant and locking him into a hug.

his sweet-sounding laughter vibrating from the top of your head, and oh, you're about to pass out from happiness.

"you really came," you say after pulling away just enough to look him in the face because you miss him so much.

he nods with a tight-lipped smile, those dimples emerging and you miss them just as much as him.

"good morning, miss," another voice from the other side of the truck has you turning head, stunned to see mr. choi that you can only blink.

"your father came by and offered us the job back," san speaks, your attention moving to him again and so surprised by what he just said, you don't even know how to respond as if waiting for him to say he was joking or something.

because this is all because of your father?

"oh..." your response makes san giggle, your eyes fleeting to his father in the back momentarily as he heads for the cottage.

"would you like to go to town?" he asks, "your father said it's fine as long as you go with me."

"really?"

everything still hard to process and you're holding onto your breath at this point that reality wouldn't be so cruel as to take it all back.

he nods, the hopeful look on you making him as equally happy.

"okay, i'll be back! i just need to change first!" you back up, running inside the house again with jittery feet that brings a chuckle out of san.

returning again with your signature look, hair half tied in a bow, platform heels, and an off shoulder dress, you run to san immediately latching onto his hand.

"let's go!"

"wait," he stops, flinging you until you're staring back with adorable eyes.

"i want to give you something first."

you watch him reach for his pocket before pulling out something, an inaudible gasp leaving when you see what it is. a daisy hairpin.

"i got it a while ago... actually a few days before your father dismissed us. saw it while in town and i really wanted to get it for you," he explains, "turn around."

your back facing him as he goes to clip it beside your bow, shifting around after he's done with the most lovesick smile decorating your lips.

"you suit it," he barely gets out the comment, your arms already wrapped around him again as you make yourself home on his chest.

"thank you so much, san!"

"of course."

he rests his chin on top your head, smoothing out strands of your hair.

"you know, i read somewhere that daisy symbolizes joy, purity, and a new beginning."

you smile at the comment and tighten the hug, like every second spent with him is going to make you burst, never in your life have you experienced this immense of joy before. you don't want to ever let go.

--

the second you both arrive in town, all of the boys you've come to know and love along with three others, starts pushing and tripping one another, eager to be the first to get a word out.

yunho, mingi, and jongho fights to introduce themselves, a welcoming demeanor on all of them and jongho going off about how he couldn't wait to meet you, the girl who stole san's heart and made him completely miserable for the last two weeks.

a/n: it's a bit rushed esp the relationship, i understand. but the way i watched the little mermaid two days after i started writing this so i couldn't resist the similarities sdksldks. anyways, go stream oh boy by red velvet

[ancha-aus]

RealAgeAU Drabble - Dawn

I am back because i got home from work and I got no chill! :D @spotaus

First one Prev drabble Next one

Okay. So why this one? Because i realised it was a while since i wrote a drabble from Horror's point of view and that is criminal and it is a great excuse for me to showcase some stuff from the quiet and very observing sockets of Horror! (also gives me an excuse to not think about the drabble order i got now and that thought i messed it up a bit which I need to think of a solution for)

Ready? Let's go!

*------------------------*

Horror makes sure to carefully close the door to the greenhouse. It is still early but he is used to those.

He enjoys the cool fresh air as he walks towards the house, small basket filled with fresh monster food. Horror is happy he got permission from Crop to harvest the plants in there for their meals.

He quietly opens the door and listens for a moment. He saw Cross leave the farm a little while ago to do his own morning workouts and by the sounds of it the other three are still asleep.

Which is good because he needs his own sleep. Horror knows very well that Dust is the one to wake up with Nightmare if something bothers him in his sleep.

He found the two of them awake and reading a book one too many times for Horror to believe they just had an allnighter.

Horror likes being up early. Maybe strange for him but he got used to it in his old universe. The best time to check his traps and search for food had been in the very early morning, or very late night depending on how you look at it, as most people would be asleep.

It is a leftover habit and he just kept going with it when he joined Nightmare's gang.

He puts the food away in all the right places and goes about getting the ingredients for todays breakfast. He notices the fresh milk and eggs and the choice is obvious. Some pancakes would be great.

He starts preparing the ingredients as he takes the time to measure it all. The milk makes him chuckle.

Watching Cross realises there was a cow had been funny. Finding Cross in a tree shaking with a cow under it had been hilarious. Crop ahd been apologetic as he explained that his cow, Betty (Killer had mutters "of course it is claled betty") was aparently mischievious.

Horror had his doubts but Cross swore that the cow would know when he left the farmhouse. That the cow would stand at the edge of her field and stare at him.

Cross did not go to the east side of the farm anymore. aparently that was Betty's territory in his mind.

Nightmare liked petting Betty however so you have your ups and downs.

Horror mixes the ingredients slowly but surely. Thinking about Nightmare, "Shouldn't you still be in bed?"

silence before a soft mutter "Not tired anymore."

Horror chuckles as he shoots Nightmare a look. He looks fully awake and adorable in his new wool sweater. Horror grins "God powers?"

Nightmare shrugs "I mean probably. I never needed sleep before. that is still new." They hadn't really noticed anything that could be connected to Nightmare's godhood at the moment. Maybe it had gone domant, at least that was Cross's guess. Dust just thinks Nightmare's magic is now focussed on healing instead of weird god shenenigans.

Speaking of healing! Horror gives him a stern look "bandages?"

Nightmare rolls his eye lights but mutters his answer "All still in place and good. Killer replaced them after the bath last night,"

Horror nods. With that secured he relaxes abit "Want to help?"

Nightmare is already by his side and stands on his tiptoes. Horror chuckles as he gives him a look "Need a chair?" he would offer a stepstool but the chair is more stable for him.

Nightmare looks at the counter annoyed before nodding his agreement. Horror grabs a chair and puts it near the counter. Nightmare climbs it easily.

Horror really wants to pick him up but they do have the rule that inside Nightmare should walk around himself to carefully train his spine. It is still much to early to already start carrying him. Horror knows that if any of them start they won't stop.

Nightmare reaches for the ingredients, some fruits for inside the pancakes, before pausing and staring at his sweater.

Nightmare has been very careful with his new gifted clothes. Horror himself is also very careful with the set of clothes Dust got him.

Horror frowns at the food he is making. He really hopes he can quickly find soemthing to do here to earn money. At the moment only Dust has something and it is starting to show, even Killer seems to be getting annoyed with himself over it.

Until now Horror and Cross helped around on Crop's farm. Which he was happy to do as it only seemed fair as a way to repay Crop for letting them stay. Horror has also been learning the basics about farming, farmland and farmwork from Crop. It is still a lot and not everything sticks in his skull, probably falling out of that hole. But he is getting better at it. He hopes with this Crop can maybe get the news out that both of them are more than willing to help around with heavy duty work and get a bit of cash flow.

Killer... Killer has a very specific set of skills. Sadly not specifically useful on a farm. Even if he is great with the animals and can herd pretty much anything, which is very useful but well. Most people won't let you near their animals unless they trust you and Killer is Killer.

Horror just feels bad that Dust is pretty much still Ngihtmare's main caretaker, got the rough end with the backstory they settled on, and has to deal with work to get cash. Only to spend all of it on them all.

Horror can see it is starting to wear him down. He just hopes they can figure out how to balance everything better.

It is another reason he loves these mornings. Because morning time means Dust, and Killer, both sleep in and Horror gets time to supervise their babybones. Horror adores the time wiht Nightmare. Especially when alone because then others don't watch them nervously the whole time.

It is exhausting to be seen as something dangerous even if he knows it is true. It is why they mean so much to him, they never treated him like that. None of them did.

A glance confirms that Nightmare has carefuly rolled up the sleeves and is taking extra care with cutting the fruits, using one of the duller knives which won't be able to cut bone. Horror turns back to getting everything else ready. He has to concentrate to push his intent into the food. He wants them to enjoy and like it. Feel the things he can't say to them.

Horror knows what he wants and feels but also knows none of them are ready to hear it. Horror has known that from the moment he realised what he felt was. The curse of being the only emotional stable one.

He still remembers all the way back near the start of them meeting and chuckles to himself. they did not get along at all.

Nightmare immediantly looks up "What is funny?" he looks adorably confused.

Horror thinks for a moment "Remember when you brought me in?"

Nightmare blinks before giving a slow nod "Yeah... I had hoped you would calm Killer and Dust."

Horror chuckles "Can't believe you thought i could do that."

Ngihtmare shrugs as he finishes up his task and just sits normally on the chair "I mean... It worked." his hands find the glass of juise Horror got him.

Horror pauses for a moment before nodding. Nightmare is kinda right with that one. It hadn't worked right away but he made it work. Mostly because he had had a lot of motivation.

Nightmare, still a fully active god at that point, had offered him that he would slowly but surely fix the food problem in his universe in trade for his service, something about it being too severe for him to be able to instantly fix but if Horror worked for him he would work on it. Horror had figured Nightmare had known about his little weird immortality situation with his own universe's core and accepted.

Turns out he just wanted him to fix whatever had been going on with Killer and Dust. Because they would fight. Constantly. And those two got very close to killing each other a few times.

Horror had eventually managed to somehow form a connection and bond with Killer. It had been rather easy and Horror was able to become friends with him over coworkers. Eventually find him not just annoying but funny. And later think fondly of his antics.

Dust took longer. Which had been a combination of Dust just being an introvert and not looking for connections or at least not in the way that made that clear to Horror. And well Horror heard bits and pieces of what Dust had done and had honestly been disgusted with the idea that Dust just murdered his whole universe and his own brother. Just to fight one human? Just to end a timeloop?

It was well after he managed to get them to stop, or at least contain the damage of, their fighting. Well after he started working for Nightmare more permanently that Horror realised how the multiverse worked.

And how fucking unfair it was.

Because aparently? stupid fate or some shit? That decided how your universe worked. His would always have ended up with a famine and starvation. Killer would always lose control and be controlled, abused and used by the human. Cross would always be the end of his universe. Dust... Dust would always have to kill his universe. No matter what he tried or solution he tried.

It wasn't until later Horror learned that Dust had tried everything. Multiple times. That Dust had learned to play multiple musical instruments in the time of resets. That he had learned to cook, and tinker. He master chemistry. Everything in the hopes it could give him a solution.

But the fates had already decided his ending, much like for all of them there was only one ending possible for them. And in the end locked him in a dead AU make by his own hands when no other options was left. Just like all of them had been.

Horror has to admit it took him a long time to get Dust to admit those things to him. Msotly because Horror had been standoffish before and that he accidentally gave Killer advice to treat Dust like one of the many stray cats he interact with.

He hadn't specifically said that. horror had just told Killer that maybe Dust would like Killer more, or at all, if Killer learned to respect his boundaries. Horror had mentioned how Killer could learn each cat's limits so why not Dust?

Worst part was that it actually worked.

Horror rubs his face "I give him cat advice." his voice sounds pained. Dust had been so mad at them both.

Nightmare nods "I remember. Dust left for three weeks." he snorts "which really is very catlike..." more thoughtful "And then you two got mad at me for not telling you where he went." He blinks and shrugs as he drinks from his orange juice.

Horror ignores the cat comment as he looks at Nightmare "Why didn't you tell us?" Dust had actually been recruited to help Nightmare with the balance. Something Horror only started to do after helping Killer and Dust be less homicidal.

Nightmare blinks at him wiht those wide sockets "I didn't want to force any of you... If you wanted to leave..." he speaks softer and softer "I wasn't going to stop you if you wanted to leave... if you didn't want to stay..."

Horror frowns and picks Nightmare up. He embraces him and hums "I am sorry we left..."

Nightmare shrugs as he pushes clsoer to him "You came back..."

hah... yeah they did. Much like Dust did all that time ago. He was gone for a few weeks before returning after killing Ink bringing back one of his fucking sketchbooks as proof. Obviously killing Ink does little in the long run but it was quite the powermove. Dust had glared at them daring to say anything. Killer of course had muttered something about Dust bringing back a kill much like a cat.

Horror is still not sure how he managed to stop Dust from Killing Killer that day.

Horror puts Nightmare at the table and gets a small yogurt and fruit snack ready for him. Just so he can eat a tiny bit. See how his magic will handle food today. Nightmare starts eating it when offered and that is a good sign. Means his magic is actually sending out the signal that it needs food today.

Horror goes back to flipping pancakes. Horror tries to stay in the here and now but his injury makes his mind likely to wander. and with already having been thinking about them.

He still remembers one of the early missions, after Horror learned about fates cruel games. Dust had still acted the same but Horror had tried to be more friendly. He had been close to giving up on it as clearly it wasn't working as Dust was still standoffish. Only for Dust to pull him out of the way of an attack from Ink, getting hit instead.

Later Horror had demanded why he did that and Dust had just shrugged. He hadn't had an answer for him. It confused Horror to no end. Horror was immortal because of that fact that his magic had been used in the core and bonded to that. Meaning as long as the core in his universe was fine he would return to life.

The gang had known this and Horror knew that Dust knew this. And yet. Dust had heard all of that and looked at the large monster Horror had become saw soemthing worth protecting. Something that needed protection.

Horror thinks he fell a little bit in love that day.

Much like how one day Horror just realised he couldn't stand the idea of not being near Killer or never seeing him again. That even if Killer could be annoying that he didn't wish him any pain or harm.

How it warmed his soul that Killer, and Cross later, would hide behidn him. Seeing him as someone safe that would protect them. See him as someone trustworthy.

Cross, so eager to please and desperate for affection and affirmation. but once he relaxed so smart and funny. Loyal and always ready to help...

But now is not the time to try and see what any of them thought or felt. They are dealing wiht a lot at the moment and they need to concentrate with trying to make staying here work.

The front door opens and Cross walks in quietly. He sneaks a glance at them and smiles when Horror catching him looking. Cross waves to Nightmare "Hey guys. All good?"

Horror nods "Nightmare helped." he flips another pancake as Nightmare drinks his juice with a smug little smile.

Cross grins "Good to hear. I will quickly get cleaned up and help. Dust and Killer?"

Nightmare hums "Still asleep." and he sips his juice again.

Cross nods "Good to know. be back in a bit" and he goes towards the bathroom. The pipes groan softly as Cross no doubt turns on the shower.

Horror finishes the last pancake and gets to wrok on getting the drinks and coffee ready.

Another day for them to figure out how this will work. Horror is just happy they are all here, everything else can wait as long as they stick together.

*-------------------------*

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[grlsbstshot]

Join us for the next chapter of NEON LIGHTS premiering Wednesday

(Don’t miss updates every Wednesday & Saturday for NEON LIGHTS, an original character fanfic. Chapters & Special Extras found on the masterlist.)

IMANI INVITES YOU TO READ HER DIARY By: Vanessa Lawton JAN. 2026

It’s been a year since Imani St. Cirie, the sultry and enigmatic singer-songwriter, made headlines for her surprise EP release, Diary. In the following months, she became an awards show darling. Winning Billboard, AMAs, and even a BRIT Award. It all culminated in a Grammy win in Best R&B Song for the top ten Billboard hit, Kitchen. But since then? Nothing. We sit down with the superstar to find out exactly what's on the horizen.

Exuding a quiet confidence, Imani sits opposite me in the PAPER magazine headquarters. It's a simple interview, one that shouldn't take more than an hour or so but she makes herself comfortable. Imani, dressed in a HOESMAD cropped tee, baggy cargo jeans, and black and white pair of Bathing Apes, there’s a softness to her demeanor that suggests it's been a long year for the superstar. "It's been a year of unexpected successes. I really didn't expect for Diary to be that successful, but I'm grateful. I think it did what it needed to do."

From the heartbreak that inspired her latest EP to the unexpected that has helped her heal, she’s unflinchingly honest. "Love is tough. It's complicated. I don't think it's meant to be easy, but whatever is real, you'll fight for it. No matter what."

This is a different Imani—one who’s no longer defined by her past but empowered by it. And as she prepares to step back into the spotlight, it’s clear that she’s not just reclaiming her voice—she’s rewriting her story.

VL: Diary was a huge success last year. How did it feel to see it resonate so deeply with your fans? Imani: “It’s so crazy because I just released that EP to let all these emotions I felt out. I never thought that so many people would like it. Like damn, y’all really fuck with me.”

VL: Your lyrics often feel deeply personal. Do you find it difficult to share so much of yourself through your music?

Imani: “No. Music is a release for me. I use my songwriting as a way to get everything out. The hardest part for me is releasing it to the world because like you said it is deeply personal.”

VL: What’s been the most rewarding moment in your career over the past year?

Imani: “When I won a Grammy for ‘Kitchen,’ like wow. I’m still in shock about that.”

VL: Fans have speculated about the themes of Diary. Was it inspired by personal experiences?

Imani: “Yes, but all my art is. Where else am I supposed to draw inspiration from?”

VL: You and James Lucas have a shared history in music. Do you think you’ll ever collaborate?

Imani: “I don’t know…that’s a question he should probably answer.” 

VL: What’s next for you musically? Can fans expect a full album soon?

Imani: “I wouldn’t say soon! I’ve been so busy with videos and promo for Diary that I haven’t gotten a chance to go to the studio but I’m always writing and I want to release something next year.” 

VL: You’ve been linked to several high-profile individuals this year. How do you handle the constant media scrutiny of your personal life?

Imani: “I try to ignore it because the media tends to think they know everything about Imani but I promise you they don’t know even know a quarter of me. So I try not to let it bother me.” 

VL: You’ve been very private about your relationships lately. Is that intentional?

Imani: “Yes, because it’s no one’s business but my own. After my relationship with my ex, I think I’m owed some privacy.”

VL: What’s been the biggest lesson you’ve learned about yourself in the past year?

Imani: “That it’s okay to sit in your sorrow sometimes. No matter how much you try, you can’t run from it. You can’t hide from it. So it’s okay to sit and wallow for a little bit.” 

VL: You’ve spoken before about the importance of self-care. What does that look like for you now?

Imani: “Right now? It looks like a day off with sleeping in, a bubble bath with a seaweed face mask, some pasta and a marathon of Sex and the City. I know that ain’t y’all ideal self-care but it’s mine.” 

VL: What role has your family or close friends played in supporting you this year? 

Imani: “My aunt has been the most vital part to Diary’s rollout. I told her what I wanted to do and what publications I wanted to. She handled it all for me.” 

VL: Are there any misconceptions about you that you’d like to clear up?

Imani: “Nah, take what you heard about me and double that shit!” 

VL: What’s one thing fans would be surprised to learn about you?

Imani: “That I’m really a happy person. They always coming up to me, asking me if I’m okay because they heard such-and-such song and are concerned but guys, I promise y’all I’m fine.” 

VL: How do you handle creative blocks or moments of doubt in your career?

Imani: “I try to write through it. Like even if the lyric is trash as fuck, I write it out just so I can get it out of my head.” 

VL: If you could give advice to your younger self, what would it be?

Imani: “Everything will be okay. I know things are looking bleak right now but you will be fine! Crashing out all the time ain’t worth it, girl.” 

The late afternoon sun was starting to set but a few rays spilled through the wide windows of Jameson’s New York brownstone, casting golden streaks across the hardwood floors. He sat at his kitchen table, the picture of comfort. T-shirt, jogging pants, no socks. The room was quiet, except for the occasional hum of the city outside. A glass of water sat untouched on the table beside him. His phone lay in his hand, the screen glowing with the headline of an article he hadn’t been prepared to see.

Imani Invites You to Read Her Diary

He stared at the cover for a long moment, his thumb hovering over the link. She looked gorgeous, the picture of perfection. Her eyes carried a calm he hadn’t seen in them before. Maybe he was imagining it but she looked...like she was thriving without him. He felt his chest tighten. It had been a full, agonizing year since he’d seen her. Since she’d walked out of his life. And now, here she was, staring back at him from his screen like a ghost that refused to stay buried.

He finally tapped the link, the words unfolding before him like a slow unraveling of a wound he thought had begun to heal.

"After my relationship with my ex, I think I'm owed some privacy." she’d said. He read those words over and over, the simplicity of them cutting deeper than he expected but she was right. They were high profile in the best ways but also in some of the worst ways. She deserved to keep her cards close to her chest. It didn't stop the blogs from talking about her...and Amir. And Vivienne. He'd seen photographic proof that she had moved on. It seemed that space had finally evolved to over for her.

His eyes scanned the article, taking in her reflections on the past year. She spoke of growth, of self-care, of understanding herself. There was a brief mention of him but she didn't dwell. Part of him was proud of her.

Jameson leaned back against the chair and waited for deep mournful pain to hit him. It always did when he imagined the rest of his life without her...but remarkably, it didn't come. He felt hurt when she had moved on. He drank and closed himself off, eventually began therapy when his grief had taken a worrying turn, and even moved across the country to get away from his feelings for her. After a year of pouring his emotions into his music and six months into some semblance of a relationship with Camille -- Jameson had finally stopped grieving.

He still loved her, that much was clear. But he had finally accepted that their lives wouldn't merge again. He could read the article about her, feel the pain, and then...simply trust in the knowledge that she was happy.

His doorbell rang and the sound startled him, pulling him from his thoughts. He set the phone down, the screen dimming as he stood. For a brief moment, he considered not answering, but the ringing came again.

He hadn't been expecting anyone. Still, he got up and tried to leave thoughts of Imani in his kitchen -- and was met by the image of a pretty brunette on his front stoop.

Camille Lefevre.

Her long, brown hair was pulled up into a topknot, her usual style when she wasn't strutting down runways or covering magazines. If you passed her on the street, her beauty would be obvious and you'd immediately know she was a supermodel.

They met at an afterparty, amid his emotional spiraling. Imani was on her second new relationship in six months. He watched with envy, a sick gnawing in his gut. He hadn’t been able to escape updates. It ate him up to see her move on when he seemed stuck in a rut. His mother had been so concerned that she damn near moved into his home until he moved to New York. To stop her from coming with him, he promised to start therapy. He started going out more -- though he didn't enjoy it.

Camille had seen through his disgruntled demeanor. She made him laugh at a time when people didn’t even get to see him smile. She was bold, kind, driven. She wanted him and she was going to have him. Casual sex, late-night conversations, and dinner dates followed over the next few months when either of them had the time. They didn’t give it a name but it was something.

Jameson opened the door to find her holding a bag of takeout and wearing that bright, effortless smile he’d grown to appreciate. She was a steady presence in his life, a warm light that had helped guide him through some of his darkest moments. But right now, standing in front of her, he felt the weight of the article still pressing on his chest.

"Hey," she said, stepping inside and leaning up to kiss his cheek. "I figured you probably forgot to eat, so I brought reinforcements."

Jameson forced a smile. "That's cute. She came to feed me."

"Well, someone has to." She tossed over her shoulder before heading into the kitchen. She set the bag on the counter and began unpacking containers, chattering away about the upcoming party for his album, excitement evident in her voice. Jameson tried to focus, nodding and murmuring responses where appropriate, but his mind kept drifting back to Imani’s words.

Camille turned to him, her brows furrowing slightly. "You okay? You seem...distracted."

Jameson hesitated, the truth caught somewhere between his chest and his throat. His first instinct was to lie to her but he heard his therapist clear in his mind. 'Is this lie protecting you, or is it holding you back?' He sighed and told her the truth. "I read an article today. About Imani."

He looked at her then, really looked at her. She was kind, patient, and always there when he needed her. She deserved his honesty, but he wasn’t sure how to give it to her without hurting her.

Camille’s expression softened, though a flicker of something unreadable passed through her eyes. "Oh."

She knew about him and Imani. Who didn't. When they first began, he tried to disconnect from Camille -- knowing he was still caught up on Imani but she let him know that she understood. She was taking a risk with him. It gave him the courage to take the same risk.

"It...caught me off guard," he continued, setting his chopsticks down. “I didn’t expect to see her face, to read about her life like that. I...It stung a little."

Camille nodded slowly, her hand resting on his. "It’s okay to feel that way, you know. You love her. That doesn’t just disappear overnight."

Jameson took a good look at her, lifting his hand from the counter and reaching up to brush a few tendrils of hair from her face. "It stung but it didn't...it didn't hurt me like I thought it would. I want her to be happy. Even if that's not with me. And I want to be happy with you."

Camille was quiet for a moment before she tilted her head, leaning against his hand. "You don't have to say that. It took a lot for you to get here. You've made a lot of progress. Feeling things for her doesn't erase that progress."

He wished she was a little less understanding. He wanted her to yell at him for feeling something for anyone other than her. That felt normal. But her simple acceptance of everything he was made him want to be more for her. Nothing he said or did would be good enough because he knew...she would always deserve more. She was getting half of a man. Why couldn't he just give her everything?

"I'm okay." "You are?" "Mhm. If I'm not, I will be. I'm with you. I'm good."

He watched her melt and felt proud that at least he'd gotten that right for her. Camille leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his temple. "I'm here for you, okay? Whatever you need."

"I know." he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm grateful."

As Camille returned to her food, Jameson’s gaze drifted to his phone on the counter. He turned it face down, trying to push Imani out of his mind once again. But deep down, he knew it wasn’t that simple. She was a part of him, no matter how much time passed or how far apart they were. And that realization was both comforting and excruciating.