#I probably did but fuck I'm so tired
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Okay, so here's where we're at apparently
Tomura is dead
Toga is dead (or, let's just call it as it is, she committed suicide) - this is despite the fact that if she died other characters (read: heroes) should have died as well, but didn't (Bakugo and Edgeshot for example)
Dabi is presumably still in the hospital (since we didn't see a funeral), unable to move or do anything on his own
Spinner wrote his book, but where he is and how he's actually doing is unknown - presumably he still has to deal with multiple quirks that aren't his own and are tearing at his body
Compress is alive but where he currently is is unknown - he read Spinner's book (and that's it)
Kurogiri exploded?? And nobody has bothered to mention anything about him since
Twice has been dead for a while, but his murderer is not only free of charge but also the head of the HPSC (which still exists btw)
Other things:
The hero ranking system still exists
Seemingly no real changes have been made which would help victims like the LOV before they felt like they had to turn to villainy to be heard/seen/understood
Deku gets to be a hero again by the power of ~technology~ - kinda making the whole deal about him losing his quirk feel pointless
Not from this chapter, but I still feel like it's very important to point out that it's heavily implied that Rei is just gonna take care of Enji (her abuser) now and probably for the rest of time
The few good things:
Ochako bringing more focus on mental health
That was it, I have nothing else
#tell me if I missed something#I probably did but fuck I'm so tired#bnha 430#bnha spoilers#bnha#mha#my hero academia#bnha critical#boku no hero academia#mha 430#league of villains#lov#mha spoilers#bnha manga spoilers#tomura shigaraki#bnha spinner#bnha dabi#himiko toga#mr compress#late night thoughts with ember
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Pregnancy as a kink makes me uncomfortable so man am I glad your pregg Flug stuff is explicitly not kink oriented!
yeah I... don't wanna judge anyone... but it's more than that, it's downright terrifying to me. Blame my hormones bc I'm expecting irl but wow... I'm very sensitive and it feels dehumanizing. but ig that is kinda the point of the kink(?)
it's so common in fandoms!
I'm completely vanilla anyway tho, so not surprising.
I've tried to pretend for a super long time that I'm into kink, but most of them are off putting and I consider them intrusive thoughts, not fantasies. I'm kinda fluctuating between sex-repulsed and neutral (aroace) even fictional... ig kink just isn't for me. I tried so hard to get over it. I know some people in my asks/requests are gonna be disappointed but I'm sorry💔
I'm slightly ashamed of how boring I am and I have serious trouble connecting to anyone in fandoms due to this actually🤕 feel like the most NT autistic person ever.
anyway here's a doodle!
#that's autism for you#I'm sadly really picky and easily grossed out by things#I'm not even trying to be judgemental#I wish I was such a person that is just chill with everything but I have more icks than likes#so my fandom experience is like 80% discomfort and trying to avoid things without shutting out the majority of content in the first place#from what I heard I seem to have this problem particularly in this fandom bc the series is horror.#and I ship a toxic ship.#but I neither enjoy horror nor this trope. so what the fuck am I doing here#how did I get here. I'm lost guys#but yeah; it naturally attracts more people that are into quite dark or hardcore things#and I'm just sitting here with my soft dick in my hand wondering where it all went wrong#i don't belong here#I can't relate to 99% of people#honestly? I just... like Flug....... I just adore the autistic scientist#and I wanna SMOOCH him but I can't identify too well with myself or thus my sona#so how the fuck am I gonna smooch and love on this man#I need SOME second character for this!!#well Black Hat is pretty cool and easier to draw than the rest; I like his design...#so here we are.#I'm not really in it with my heart. I don't understand the essence of this ship. I'm a fandom blep#that's why a lot of content is probably disturbing and upsetting as hell to me.#but that's just my theroy..... a Joshi™ theory#sorry for rant I am bored and tired😔#enjoy#villainous#villanos#dr flug#kenning flugslys#my art#ask reply
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Kept thinking about the decline in popularity of Christmas caroling from the 1800s to now and came to the following conclusions:
Would not go caroling in any time period:
Hickey
Gibson
Golding
Wall
Des Voeux
Fairholme
Crispe
Collins (would like to, but is too shy)
Would go caroling in the 1800s but not in a modern AU:
Goodsir
Hartnell Bros
Diggle
Morfin
Weekes
Hoar
Tozer
Dundy
Crozier (coerced into it by Fitzjames)
Jopson (moral support for Crozier)
Would go caroling no matter the time period:
The Franklins
Gore
Magnus
Lane
Fitzjames
MacDonald
Irving
Hodgson
Little (coerced into it by the former two)
(List not meant to be exhaustive. I left out anyone I was undecided on. Additions and edits welcome!)
#possibly my most inane post of all time#The Terror#Starky's original posts#Starky's text posts#I had to call him Magnus even though I used last names for everyone else (except Dundy TooManyNames)#because idk feels weird to call him Manson#That's literally Magnus my best friend Magnus#Some of these are HARD. Like with Blanky and Stanley you'd think probably not. BUT they have kids so...... hmmmmm#And yes I do mean that Fitzjames can get Crozier to go with him in canonverse but not in a modern AU#Partially because it's weirder to do now but mostly because he has to bring out the big guns of like#''Frauncis did you know that when I was DYING IN YOUR ARMS my ONE desire that kept me clinging to life was that someday--''#which he always uses as a last resort to get what he wants and Crozier is so fucking tired of it but it does work every time#and alas he does not have that leverage in a modern AU#made myself cry thinking about Collins being too shy to carol btw. FUCK. LET HIM SINGGGGG#and yes Crispe and Hoar are separated in this as well I'm sorry to say :(#''why'd you stick Lane in the last category that seems so random'' none of you are prepared to hear my Thoughts on John Lane#you are not READY#anyways hodgving + Nedward meetcute: going to cheer up their grumpy neighbor by caroling at his door :'3
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I am exhausted, good heavens.
#hey watch this neat trick I can do [cries]#love that for me#BUT#BUT- the actual EFFORT I put these days to not make a suicide jokes is *chefs kiss* phenomenal#actively shitting bricks as I physically have to stop myself from saying I want a car to hit me for the 50th time that day#I am not progressing any more than I am downgressing or whatever the opposite word is. but girlies#and boysies and peepsies#my lipgloss is popping and my eyebags are gucci- and so I shall prevail#MAN this tiredness is BONE DEEP man- it's like it's engraved into my goddamn clavicles#sorry that was like the only bone name I could remember- I don't even know what a clavicle is#anyways- I need to fall asleep forever and never wake up. But not in like a dying way#I just need to stop waking up tired and being tired and going to sleep tired and living tired like GIRL#WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SLEEP STOPS SLEEPING#I JUST SLEPT 10 HOURS HOW ARE YOU STILL TIRED#I am so tired that i stopped liking shit- like that SUCKS my dudes#I sometimes Don't Like art now and that is WILD to me because that was lowkey the One Thing that got me going#I used to actually LIKE english class! and reading Shakespear and shit!!!! and history class!! Now I don't!! Where did the spark go??????#Now everything feels like a chooooooore and it sucks major dick#and my graaaades are slipping because I stopped giving a damn but I NEED. TO. GIVE. A. DAMN#because those are like highkey lowkey and every-other-key my grades and I need them to go into uni so I don't die <333#I need to spite little mini me who said I wasn't going to live past 13 because BITCH- guess how old I'm turning next week????????#THAT'S RIGHT- 17 YEARS OLD- FUCK YEAH BABY I'M STILL NOT DEAD#SUCK MY BIG ASS SHLONG MINI-ME#and then I have a big biology exam the day after so- funnnnn!!#anywho- should I tag this as vent? this probably counts as vent right? like among us? impostor and shit?#sorry I think my brain is actively rotting out of my ears right now#vent post#personal vent#tw vent#tw sui talk
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gonna be so sad when tonight is the first preshow space with good audio and i'm asleep because i have a psych appointment tomorrow
#life update if anyone gaf we're now at the point where i know i'm getting the adhd diagnosis and yet i STILL HAVE TO WAIT#like she just isnt sure if it's adhd or add (its norway theyre not gonna update the terms any time soon just roll with it)#and im just like. girl i don't give a fuck#its been so many years i cant do this anymore#we've talked to my fucking kindergarten teachers like 😭 they've investigated my entire life atp#to make sure i did in fact have all these issues from birth#because my word and my mum's word just isn't good enough i guess#like lets rely on the selective memories of random ass people ive encountered growing up this is ASININE#anyway my godmother had a 4h consultation the other day and got diagnosed on the spot#so now my mum is mad at her LMFAO#cause my mum's like. that bitch doesn't even have adhd. shes fine.#which i feel like is probably wrong but i agree with the sentiment#where is the deep dive investigation into her wholeass existence 😭#its cause she got to go private but they refuse to refer me to a private specialist so i have to keep going publuc#public#and if i go private on my own its too expensive plus the waitlist is years long#so. whatever. i guess.#man im so tired.#i will never ever ever forgive my psychiatrist from when i was 15 who said i probably had adhd but because i did ok in school its fine#and they wouldnt set the diagnosis#because the fact that i have papers from when i was 15 saying i don't have it is what's making this all so difficult#even though if you read all the papers it says i hit on EVERY SINGLE POINT#which is why the One Psych who listened to me is absolutely fuming losing her mind cause she can't understand why any of this happened#man i hate my fucking life lol
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i think this was funnier in my head.
#puppy draws#yo-kai watch#katie forester#jibanyan#whisper#whisper ykw#usapyon#hailey anne thomas#as a diagnosed autistic person i can confirm that the autism evaluation results#just being a picture of the autism creature with text saying you have the tism is accurate#i don't even remember how this idea came to me i think i was just overly tired this morning and then this happened#also ignore the fact that i refuse to accept nate as being canon protagonist katie is like way better sorry besties <3#that's like 80% a joke. every main yo-kai watch character is my blorbo and nate is included in that#i just also prefer katie. playing 3 and rewatching the anime + reading the manga did endear me to nate more though#i like how he's average but also totally bisexual. no i will not elaborate#why do my tags always get so derailed. uhhhh back to autism. hailey is so fucking autistic ngl#there's like at least five different instances in 3 of her just completely failing to read the room#she's totally hyperfixated on sailor cuties and next harmeowny#she has adhd vibes too i think but. the tism is very strong#i can't decide my favorite part of this between the “yippee!! you have the tism” image and jibanyan asking what autism is#he doesn't know because he has autism by default through being a cat he didn't need a diagnosis#i feel like all of them are autistic tbh but that's probably just me projecting. i totally gave katie autism in the rewrite though#i wasn't even trying to i just don't know what neurotypicals are like because i got that autistic rizz. and adhd rizz. mostly the adhd#i am definitely also autistic but i think my adhd effects me a lot more in day-to-day life#since i usually just interact with my moms who know i'm autistic and are also both neurodivergent#and people online. most of who are autistic because it's mostly on tumblr and this is the autism website#yo-kai watch more like yo-gay watchtism amirite-#oh also very amused by hailey just poofing into existence in the second picture. as you do
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missed the bus by one minute because of my piece of shit job fuck my stupid baka life etc
#i don't even know what that phrase is from or what it means really but from context i think thats how it's used#i probably could have sprinted and caught it but i didn't feel like experiencing that much pain today#i have to go to the fucking store too kms#i'm completely out of toilet paper so it's not even optional#i'm so tired he keeps fucking overbooking us and then getting pissy when everything isn't done at the normal time like mf YOUR ass did this#i do NOT fucking want to go back there they put too much on the books for my dumbass#it would be one thing if the veterinarian like looked at the animals and did his thing and then wrote the clinic notes#or told me what to write. but he's fucking insane so instead i have to try to psychically figure out what to write and when i can't do that#he snaps at me and talks at me like i'm a moron for asking questions. normal way to act#and next week is already almost as insane as this week was it's not sustainable i literally havent even had time to sweep the floor all week#it's covered in dog toenails and shit. this is simply unsustainable#me
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had a full on breakdown in counselling today so that was fun but painfully necessary. cookie's appointment went well too, the vet thinks it's probably just a bladder infection since she couldn't see any masses so we're getting some meds. now.... some minor errands to run n then i can get back home to lie down on the floor adjgks
#cookie didn't exactly make it EASY to do the ultrasound but. hopefully that didn't keep anything hidden n it is just an infection#i am tired (i did Not get enough sleep) and emotionally fragile but. hanging in there.#i'll probably be sitting in the car through most of the errand running bc i obvs can't leave the rattie out in the cold#so i'm probs gonna spend that time digging up incorrect quotes for the final ask i owe on the multi#getting a japanese-style veggie noodle bowl & boba for dinner....#things could be worse :'>#all that to say i'm (kinda) around but not fully until later#and also to express my continued gratitude to those of you who put up with me for whatever reason lmao#appreciate y'all so fucking much i am making the biggest heart eyes at all of you 😍🥰💜#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.#personal cw
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( @h3ad-quarters god i'm going fucking insane ) ( I WANNA DRAW HQ SO BADLY BUT I CAN'T!!! FUCKING!!!!!! DRAW HUMANS!!!!!!!! )
( WHY'D YOU HAVE TO FUCKING MAKE HIM SO hot CUTE!!!!!! )
#wyvern speaks#i am so fucking normal about this man#this man who is probably so fucking tired of his job#i wanna bring him snacks and drinks and just take care of him#sopping wet cat of a man#did i maybe also tell you i'm creating a rival blog#who might interact with HQ#and by might i mean will
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I sometimes feel like characters who do truly monstrous things while also having been victims of some pretty insane shit themselves are sort of an exercise in empathy. Or at least, should be seen as such.
Like, in real life, if a person who has been horribly broken by their experiences and failed by society than proceeds to rape someone - it's hard to feel the justifiable sympathy/empathy for that person (without excusing their rape, never do that) because well, you can look at this actual human person they hurt, or worse, and it feels gross and disrespectful to the rape victim.
And this is understandable. (And applies to more than just rapists/rape victims of course, that's just the most visceral one and thus picked for that reason)
But a fictional rape victim is... fictional. You can't 'disrespect' their trauma, and while obviously rape/whatever else is real, and people may related to the rape victim and thus see your comments about the rapist also being a victim as somehow being about their experience...
Well, it's not.
Because the rapist here, didn't actually hurt a real person. Fictional characters are objects. They're objects that often grab us by the throat and refuse to leave our fucking heads, yes, but they're objects. They are tools used by writers to tell a story, and readers to tell a story.
And one of the things fictional characters are good for is allowing us to consider experiences we never had, and imagine ourselves in other circumstances and lives. (Also just fun and fascinating and interesting to watch their stories).
It's very easy to feel for the rape victim in fiction, and rightly so. That's Level 1 Empathy there. Granted, some people IRL fail that, but that's not really what we're talking about here.
Advanced Empathy, hard Empathy is feeling for the rapist. Not for the rape, of course, even if they feel guilt about it, but if someone really was failed on multiple levels and was broken and damaged and went through the sort of psychological wringer that would leave most of us here on tumblr catatonic - they do deserve the same Empathy any human (any person) who went through all that.
Even after they also do the bad thing, critically they still deserve Empathy. And that is fucking hard. I very often have a hard time feeling bad for truly awful people who also deserve empathy and sympathy, real and even fictional (despite all this, yeah, I'm not perfect on this) for what they (separately) went through.
It also becomes even harder when what they went through is utterly bound up with what they did. How what they went through and experiences is in part responsible for what they did - because they still made a choice. The circumstances may have left them not in their right mind, may have left them feeling without choice, may have driven them to things they normally might not think of or do, but they still chose to do that bad thing. And that's not okay. They still hurt someone.
And yet - one cannot remove the action from the circumstances. So you can still feel empathy, and elucidate all the factors and circumstances as to what led up to their choices and why, and it doesn't change that they did the horrible thing. The rape, or the murders, or whatever.
But circling back - with a fictional character... they didn't hurt a real person. There's no one who is real that suffered. The things the character did IRL are bad because they hurt real people.
So you're not being disrespectful to the victim by feeling that empathy, or sympathy. By exploring the things that they were a victim for. Even by wanting to focus on those things - fictional characters should be compelling in all their aspects, if they're written well.
And yet, of course, if you do that empathy and do talk about what the bad person went through and all that context, people come at you. They call you evil, just as bad as the (again, fictional) character, or they say that you're treading dangerously close to the arguments people use to defend the real people who do these things in real life. Or you're disrespecting all the victims of these crimes IRL. Especially of course, if the person coming at you has a reason this comes close to home.
But again - fictional.
In an ideal world, we'd all feel sympathy and empathy when it's called for, regardless of what the person did. Even the worst most monstrous people deserve human treatment in prison. And if you don't have empathy, that's hard. Even if you do have empathy, that's hard.
So if you look at a fictional character (who doesn't hurt a real person by virtue of being fictional) that does horrible, vile things, but went through so much, and you still can't empathize or sympathize with them... I mean, it doesn't make you a bad person, not even close, this is still fiction, and there's people I should empathize with in fiction that I don't, but...
It's still a failure of your ability to be empathetic. And we're all humans. We're all failing at that, among other things, all the time. But... it's good to be aware of that. at least?
At the very least, bear that in mind when other people are talking about that context, and that victimization. And please, for the love of god, don't fucking pretend that the victimization didn't happen, that this person who did do terrible things (in fiction) suddenly didn't also (in fiction) experience awful shit, as if doing a bad thing erases all the bad things done to you.
Again - it doesn't necessarily make you a bad person, but like... the horrible state of prisons in our society is a real, actual problem. The way we as a society dehumanize people who do bad things is a real actual problem for a lot of reasons (not least because it creates an incentive for authority that wants to dehumanize a person or a group to expand the definition of 'did bad things' to make their dehumanization now acceptable, among other things).
So yeah. Fictional character who suffers but than also makes others suffer - that's a useful exercise in Empathy. And doing that doesn't make you or anyone else a bad person, or actually defending the sorts of crimes, IRL or Fictional, that this character did. Contextualizing is not whitewashing, empathy is not erasing, and humanizing is not disrespecting the victim(s).
So yeah, they fictional character did bad things. But there's more to them than that. And you can say but and talk about what comes after but without disrespecting the fictional victim. Because the fictional victim... is just as fictional. Just as not real.
Is it possible for this to end up being taken too far? Yes. But that's a reason to be mindful of yourself when it comes to real people, not to never do it. And when it comes to fictional people - again, fictional. Nobody was actually, really hurt.
(I really do want to make clear, before people read the tags, that this applies to all crimes these sorts of characters do, rape was just picked as the one to use as the example.)
#Anakin Skywalker#Azula#Grant Ward#Amy Dallon#Panacea#Empathy#Sympathy#I kind of used both terms probably a little wrongly I don't know but I think my point is clear#the tagged characters were Just a few of the characters I had in mind while writing this#So many times I see people talking about the context and the way this and that character who did horrible shit and then I see other people#give them so much shit for that and say its not okay to talk about these things because it's victim blaming or erasing the crimes#or disrespecting the victim and like - it's all fictional but also like... even if it were real#a real person who suffered#whatever else they do later#is a real fucking person who fucking suffered#Ultimately if you can't bring yourself to empathize with a given fictional character - whether it's because their crimes hit close to home#or not - it's fine#you're not a bad person for that and I'm not saying that#but if you consistently never empathize with the fictional characters who deserve it and consistently try to downplay their trauma in the#context of the fiction or even try to erase it#Then maybe reflect#and either way - let other people empathize and talk about the context and all the rest for these characters in peace#even if you feel like they're whitewashing or victim blaming they probably aren't in 99% of cases and even if they are when it comes to#fictional characters they're fucking fictional just block or ignore or back button and move on maybe vent in your own space#But just - leave it alone#And maybe - if you haven't before - try to practice the 'Advanced Empathy' required to feel for these fictional monsters. It really is a#good exercise#Also like please reblog this I'm not really on tumblr for the notes most of the time but I really poured out a lot into this one and I'm#tired of doing that only to feel like I'm shouting into an empty void#I am on here because on some level I want engagement I want the connection
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SEX VALUES
"I'm not gonna do... that for just anyone. Just... look, just forget I said anything, okay? Can we change the subject?"
Tagged by: @twcfaces (mwah ♡♡) Tagging: If you haven't done this yet, YOU!
#🌈 || dashboard games#🌈 || memes#Thank you so much for the tag halekulani!#I appreciated this a lot bc I honestly never did this for Khare#She's veeeery avoidant about ANYTHING to do with sex and doubly more so since getting mutated#Eyyy 50/50 club right here!#Khare honestly doesn't mind either gender both men and women can be attractive#Dom? Submissive? Switch? Whatever makes her partner happy I guess#The trick to getting with her... is that you don't haha#She can find people attractive but that's as far as her urges go#Any drive got straight up nuked after those DNA changes aafsd#I'm actually surprised sex drive got that high tbh that is probably has high as it gets EVER#The most exciting part about going to bed with someone is going to sleep and that's it - Khare#Khare why are you such a fucking 😐#Anyways good luck to anybody able to look past those extra eyes :')#OH YEAH hi guys hope you're all doing well and are having a lovely weekend!#My ass got slammed with overtime again so only 1 day off in... 2 weeks#I'm so tired bsdsds
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my niece is staying with us for the whole weekend for the first time. until now it's always been one night only, not two.
it's the second night now and I have already decided this is not happening again anytime soon. I'm so fucking exhausted. it'd be less exhausting if it was my nephew, I think - he's older and also doesn't need as much help (even when he was her age).
I love my niece but she just asks so many questions. like when we're watching a show or a movie, even if it's one she has seen before (even multiple times), she doesn't understand what's going on and constantly asks me to explain everything. I don't mind it, really, but it does take a lot of energy. plus tonight it took over two hours for her to fall asleep because she was scared by the noises of the house and the nearby road. I get it, but damn I'm so fucking tired, I just want to sleep 😭
#my nephew will get to stay for two nights soon so that it's fair and everything#but then I think we'll go back to one night only for a while#I just can't sleep when someone else is here. and I do not handle being tired well. or rather being even more tired than usual#so yeah no this is too much#I'm so glad I don't have children. I literally would not survive#we played board games with her today. her idea. she chose the gsme#but it was so fucking difficult.....#I think most kids would have understood this game at like. 10 maybe. probably before that really#she's 12 and a half and just did not get it at all#she's got difficulties learning and she's finally getting (more) help for that in school now but I'm really.. a bit shocked that it took#this long for her parents to accept that#she's a great kid but it's been obvious since she started school that she needs more help#so anyway yeah it's 3am and I think she finally fell asleep after I put Charmed on for her#I've got a massive headache and I'm so fucking tired I feel like I'm losing my mind lol#couldn't sleep last night & I hope it's better tonight. but having someone else here is stressful.#ugh I wish this wasn't so hard for me. I want to be the fun aunt (I'm their only aunt.. aunt-like person... whatever) but I know I get more#and more impatient when they're here. I hate that. but I can't change it. I've tried! for 10 years! but it didn't work#don't get me wrong - I'm never mean or angry with them. I just get somewhat annoyed and I know it's noticeable and I hate that#they don't seem to mind. they love visiting us. but I don't like it because I hated the way adults treated me when I was a kid so I want to#be better#:(#anyway I have to sleep now or tomorrow will be hell :)#personal
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Living under the oppressive heel of capitalism sucks so much ass dude, I'd be losing my absolute shit about that new Doom game if I wasn't too exhausted, burnt out, and poor to care about anything rn
#I'm so tired and I have very little money#I can't muster up the energy to get excited and even if I could I probably won't be able to afford it anyway#if you told a younger me about this they'd be bouncing off the walls#sucks to see how time and the relentless financial crushing of a greedy corporate class affects you over time#it breaks my fucking heart that I genuinely don't give a shit#I wish I did I really do#maybe once the light returns to my eyes I'll watch the trailer and try again#pun's text posts
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Should make a pain killer that actually kills (or even touches) pain
#not that I have access to ultra hardcore stuff#but even when I had... pretty sure it was vicodine for my wisdom teeth; it didn't do a thing for me#cbd based stuff seems like it maybe helps; certainly does more than nsaids which do nothing for pain (great for inflammation though)#but I just... I'd really like something that actually makes my muscles and joints feel like... good; unpain#I'm sure it would be classified as addictive whatever it was but like... fuck man... I just want to not hurt#I can't tell if I have chronic pain cause... I kinda forget to pay attention when I'm hurting a lot of the time#I'll just... kinda realize I've been hurting bad all day and just not really focusing on it#and I also don't know how often it happens; if it's once a day or once a month or what; not great at noting that stuff down#but man... I don't even like most meds; so many meds either do nothing for me or make me feel like shit#like... benedril? however you spell it; someone gave me some once said it would help me sleep... help me be awake feeling like ass more lik#but like... love to see if muscle relaxants actually like... relaxed my muscles; but you get it; you get why I'll never be able to try it#though honestly I think therapeutic massage might help me a lot#but my doc says that really only gets authorized by physical therapy and... well for me physical therapy is useless#cause I forget to do the exercise; like it's me failing a physical therapy; not a probably with physical therapy#if I ever think I can keep up with it I'd love to try physical therapy for my back again; but I don't want to waste all my chances at it#not when... I descriptively didn't do it when I was in it before; I'd never remember to do any of the exercises#anyway; bonus story from when I was in urgent care when the infection came back (that's still never been solved)#I tell the doc 'last time it tore open a drainage hole it was the worst pain I've ever felt'... cause it was#I said 'I'll need something a bit stronger than an nsaid cause the nsaid did nothing but cut inflammation last time'#she's like 'don't worry; I got you'... wanna guess what she gave me? a newer nsaid#it didn't do shit; I was just lucky and it wasn't as painful... maybe the old drainage hole tore open easier this time#but I didn't even take the nsaid she prescribed; so I'm gonna say it wasn't that med helping#like I get it; you don't want to give opioids... and would it shock you to know that wasn't what I was looking for either#there's gotta be something between nsaid and fentynol man#...well... maybe the cdb has almost got my muscles... hurting less at least; only taken all this time I've been writing#they still hurt for sure... I don't know... get tired; you know?#mm tag so i can find things later
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god i hope tomorrow isn't as disprienting as today was.
#didn't get a lot of sleep last night + weird shift schedule + not getting all my breaks in + having to cashier for a while which i hate#equals a day that went sideways real quick. i am so tired.#i like structure. i also like not having to do the long customer service thing and not having the pressure of selling a paid service.#which by the way i never did since i just. have rarely needed to give the spiel and promote it. because i don't do registers.#because at gamestop that's all i fucking did. by myself. for an entire shift. so i probably have some repressed trauma being at a till 🙃#i would much rather do the background shit of like#putting stuff back where it goes or pointing people to the right department or i dunno the thing i originally applied to do#which is not customer facing.#there's like one other department thing i've been on where i talk to people but it's just a drop-off thing so it's usually pretty quick.#i don't have to do any sales or anything i just get them their reciept and coupons and say bye#anyway i do really like this job and am glad i'm staying and the pay is totally worth it but today was A Day.
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Watching Wojack Horseguy for the third time and it is still so fucking good and still really annoys me in many ways
#Which has absolutely cemented my art/writing block because I am way too focused on Bojangles Horsedude#I think one of the annoyances for me is honestly just that like... It's Wacky Hijinks to Serious Business extremes sometimes feel like#distinct modes and not so much like places on a spectrum#Not that there can't be moments of pure dark sincerity and pure goofy shit but. YKWIM probably.#IDK I appreciate when dark comedy finds ways to make the comedy and horror/tragedy/etc occur simultaneously and be the same things#Which the show definitely does a lot of the time but not quite enough for my specific tastes sometimes... Though I did#absolutely love the last 3 seasons and I'm jsut getting to them again now#The first time I watched it I was kind of just tired of seeing the guy fuck up in pretty much the same ways repeatedly (Fully understood#that was the point. Still annoyed me) but this time I'm like yayyyy wooohoo yayyyyy. Though we'll see if I get tired again#eventually...
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