#I own them all physically. but some other versions couldn't hurt lol. could be fun also

[nevermoorsource]

Hachette Australia is releasing limited collector's editions of the first three Nevermoor books!

[digitalprophetsworld]

Not gonna lie, I actually have some new headcanons and questions I wanna ask about legacy since y'know, I'm very fixated on him! It's gonna be long so apologies for how much you have to read through this.

• He doesn't like it when people take photos of him. (Or force to get his picture taken.)

• Because of the room I made for him in acnh, I imagine that he once captured a trespasser in his room and force them to sit down on his chair and interrogate them. He would grab his flimsy old lamp he has in his room and point the light directly at their face while demanding answer alongside asking invasive questions in a furious manner. (Basically, he does not give them the chance to breathe as he goes all out on them and is hostile. He thought he could deal with the person himself during the interrogation without the help of his siblings)

• He can be petty sometimes. He can throw an temper tantrum and get bitter when things doesn't go his way.

• Out of both of his siblings, Lawrie absolutely hate his guts. He obviously the most harsher one, but he can take it too far where he can kinda make Legacy upset and have a mental breakdown afterwards. Larry, on the other hand, is more easy on Legacy, but even he has his limit with him and bluntly tell him to get up and leave his room in which irritates Legacy after his patience weigh thin. Overall, legacy can get too stressed out and have a massive outburst that end up hurting his vocal (idk how to say that it hurts his throat despite not having any) and slammed his door after having to deal with his siblings that fail to help him.

• He kinda has an avoidant attachment style. He's used to being on his own so being around other people makes him awkward and confused.

• Despite him not liking either of his twin brothers, if legacy were to choose which one to be around with, he would pick Larry. Lawrie hate him and would sometimes even bully/pick on him simply because he's upset over the amount of efforts they put into helping him and he doesn't do anything in return. Not to mention, he's a pushover so Lawrie could simply make fun of him and he won't do anything about it. He's the big brother after all. That and he's kinda scary so legacy would always do what he tell him to.

• He is physically unable to cry. He's been so numb to it to the point where he couldn't let out his emotions even if he wanted to. He can only shed a single tear and that's all he can basically do since he has been pushing it down for years.

I wanted to ask this one question that's been on my mind lately and I wonder what the pre-version of legacy was like? (Like how his old self was before he became the way he is currently.)

Also, also, not that I'm planning on doing this rn cause idk if I'll activate enough for it, but would you be okay with the idea of someone making a fan account centering around legacy? I have a couple of doodles I made out of him and want to post them, but idk if that will be okay. Again, not that I'm planning on doing it right away cause I was only thinking about it, but I would understand if you don't want that! (Again it was just an idea I had lol.)

NEW HEADCANNONS LETSGO

I think he would try to interrogate someone once on his own, but because he was so hostile and didn't technically get an answer out of the person he just angrily kicked the person out of the park. Like rare occurrence of leaving his room just to drag someone out and shove them out of the park 😭

Lawrie and Legacy definitely have a HEAVY hatred for each other. It's hard to tell who starts a fight between them because it just seems to spark so suddenly without proper context, and Legacy has definitely tried to avoid Lawrie a lot. I wouldn't necessarily say Lawrie would bully him, though. He'd just point out a lot of things that irk Legacy and make him more and more pissed. Larry is usually more gentle, so he'd definitely prefer to be around him more. He still doesn't like either of them too much though

I could see him with an avoidant attachment style! He tends to just like his own company rather than anyone else's, so when he doesn't feel up for talking, he just locks himself away

He's also definitely had some bad breakdowns from his brothers. Sometimes, he just tears apart his office to let off some steam before cleaning it up. It tires him out enough to finally calm down

I wouldn't mind a fan account of him !!!! It'd really mean a lot tbh, I didn't think my character would be so liked like this .... /positive

ALSO, I'VE BEEN DYING TO SAY HOW HE WAS PRE-CAMERA SECURITY (INFODUMP UNDER CUT)

Pre-Legacy was honestly pretty similar to Larry. A more gentle and generally joyous guy, just probably way more socially anxious. He wasn't too big on talking, but he was very passionate about his job and being able to work alongside his family. The only issue was that he was not as strong as his siblings at the time, both with his baton and being strict on visitors. He couldn't beat down criminals, let alone tell park goers they were breaking any rules. Again, he has pretty awful social anxiety. So he was given a different job and was told it would give him time to improve, that's how he got his job as a camera guy! He observed the park and would report to his brothers over a radio/walkie talkie if someone was breaking rules, and in his spare time, he tried to learn how to actually use his baton properly. He was making significant amounts of progress and assumed he'd be back in the park with his brothers in no time.

But that time never really came. Despite his obvious progress, he was never sent back out, Legacy was just essentially benched permanently. He still tried to be his best self in hopes of becoming a security guard with his brothers again. But the day never came. This resulted in how he is now. He has worse social anxiety, is hostile, and is simply used to being alone 24/7. Sucks bad, man

If he were offered the position back, he would probably try his best, but he would still be a bit reckless. He'd think he'd just be "benched" again and find no point.

[akwardlyuncool]

Class Favorites: Concert (Ranked-ish)

Before I get into the lose ranking of these concerts, since physical tickets are often times being replaced with our phones (rude) I started making my own faux tickets as my own personal takeaway, as well as using it for another creative outlet. The first time I did it, I printed off too many cause I couldn't decide which version I wanted or how many I "needed" so I brought the extras to the show with me and handed a few out to fellow concert goers. Since then it's almost been like a random act of kindness type of gift that seems to bring other people joy, but it's also something I can put on my wall or my notebook and I think I want to make them forever.

The first one I made was for when I saw Yellowcard cause I was just so excited about the tour announcement, however the first one's I was actually able to bring to a show was for Watsky. Anyway they're all my babies and I love them so much.

PS: I only give them out after the show is over, cause I'm so scared of anyone trying to actually use one of these things to get into a show. I also reserve these for the community and not really the artist, however I did make personal ones for Watsky to give to him.

___________________________________________________________________

Note: All these shows were fantastic and such good times, so this won't a hard rank, but more of a soft one instead. I also haven't done any official concert reviews since like 2022 (SHAME ON ME) but I do plan to get those posted this year, because this blog feels incomplete without them, so this is just a taste of that.

The Speaking Our Language Tour - Boys Like Girls

ft: The Summer Set, State Champs and LOLO.

I bought this ticket so last minute cause I didn't know if I wanted to go to any show at the time. That being said, do you see that lineup?! There was no way I could let myself pass that up. This thing was so stacked and such a ridiculously fun time. State Champs called us the best crowd of the whole tour. My 30+ year old body wanted to die when Martin from Boys Like Girls said they were playing 50 songs, but I made it through and however sore and tired I felt afterwards was hella worth it! I think BLG in December will have to be how I see them from now until forever.

Disclaimer: They didn't actually play 50 full songs, it was more like lets mix some covers in with bits and pieces of their original work. So that's how I made it through.

Yellowcard Celebrating 20 Years of Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard

ft. Amberlin, This Wild Life, Mayday Parade and Emo Night Brooklyn

The moment I saw this show was announced I knew where all my money was going. I'm pretty sure I did pre-sale the day they let me. If you know me or have been following this blow for a while now, Ocean Avenue is one of my top 10 favorite albums of all time and one of the first albums that I knew to be a front to back piece of work. Essentially what I'm saying is that there was no way, I wasn't going to this show. I forced myself to feel good enough to be first in line lol. I think the only reason why this show gets second place is because Yellowcard skipped a couple songs (hella rude) so it wasn't technically a full album show. The show was still amazing, it just when you cut a few tracks out, I'm gonna be a little butt hurt.

Watsky Intention Tour - Watsky

ft. Feed The Biirds and Wax

This was another show that I don't think I waited around to buy tickets for. Covid rescheduled and rescheduled and eventually canceled the last set of Watsky tickets that I held, so this was a little bit of a comeback tour for him. Somberly it was also potentially Watsky's last full cross-country/international tour as a musician and although I was gonna go regardless, that made it even more important to me. I was sad that I was seeing him for what could be the last time without my best friend, who I'd seen Watsky with the majority of the time in like the last 12 years, so I've kinda avoided reminiscing about it. (Which is probably why it's at 3.) I will say though, that it was for sure a really GOOD show. Feed The Biirds gets me every time and Wax is just continuously stepping his game up. Watsky said if this is it, then we gone do up right and across the board, he did not disappoint. The whole set was built to cover every album and give fans of any stage something to take home with them.

He also livestreamed the Metro date for free so people who couldn't make a date in person got to still experience the show or so other's could re-watch and re-live the experience from their couches. So technically I got to see the show twice, live and from my couch. I just love how accessible he wants to make his art.

The intention tour ended up not being the last time I would see Watsky in person, George did a small Art Show Pop Up/Meet & Greet tour at the end of the year. There I got to thank him again and do the whole send off thing in person which was really nice. I even made special, more personal faux tickets for the occasion to give to him, so that was cool.

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On the side: I didn't make tickets for them, but I did go to a couple metal shows at a brewery, which I think is hella tight. I mainly watched my friend's band (Goat Hill Massacre) play and ate pizza called The Mortician. I watched other bands too of course and they were also fun, but again I was there mainly for my friend's band. Anyway I wanted to still shout them out cause they were technically shows that I went to this year, had fun at and felt pretty cool while attending. I just need to do the ear plug thing the next time I see them cause I need to save my ears, but also because metal ain't no joke lol.

Go check out their work! Goat Hill Massacre's Spotify

[just-some-random-blogger]

Bootylicious

Stray Kids Bang Chan x Idol!Reader Summary: You're known as the gym rat in your group, and quite frankly, you only have two moods: shredding or chilling. This was why when you're not asleep in between schedules, you're spotted with a male idol you happened to meet in the gym you were at that day. It's a known fact though, that you and Bang Chan are gym buddies and each other's spotter. Word Count: 2k+ Warnings: Internet toxicity, sasaengs, vulgar language, sexism, misogyny, pining, fluff, mentions of Pentagon because why not <3, etc.

A/N: Girl, i shouldn't do this but I did. It's so funny to me someone requested this cause I have recently become an exercise junkie lol. Also, if you can't tell, there is a pov shift after the cut so yeah. I also wanted to keep the reader gender neutral but I want to write about how psychotically different people treat male and female idols because that stuff aint it. It's most definitely not what anon was expecting me to write but I hope they enjoy it nonetheless.

There's compilation in YT with growing parts centered around you flexing your physical fitness and prowess. It ranges from you affectionally touring your fans, which really meant the cameraman, through the gym, introducing your trainer, and doing your routine on camera, to your group (and others) both fawning and bragging about how strong and how hot you are.

CLIP #1: A scene from an interview of your group in Japan, struggling to talk about how you can do 40 straight push ups.

There was a male interviewer in a suit you could all faintly recognize was talking about your recent Instagram post of a gym mirror selfie.

One of your youngest members smirked and in broken Japanese, cutely said, "Wah, she does 100 push ups! Everyday, every night."

You snap your head to the maknae and raise your brows, "nani?" You begin to shake your hands in protest and begin to explain your truth, "absolutely not 100. Maybe around 40, but nooooo, not 100."

The interviewer and your group comically react in awe. The man in the suit urges, "can you show us?"

You give a face, "Excuse me, but I'm not getting paid to do that in this miniskirt."

Everyone, including the film crew, break into laughter.

CLIP #2: A scene from a variety show where you had to prove you were, in fact, yourself, by doing a shortened version of your exercise routine.

One of the hosts of the show asks, "Wait, do you honestly do all of this in your workout? Like you can do all of it?"

The list of your exercises were written on a colourful cardboard, held by the one who just spoke. It was a range of exercises in 10 sets, from jumping jacks to sit ups, to vague sounding exercises like crab pinches and robot arms.

You purse your lips at the last question asked of you, not really liking the tone in which it was asked. You answer quickly and nod proudly, "I actually do more, cause when I get in the zone and I'm already really sweaty, I feel like I should keep going until my whole body burns." You chuckle.

The older hosts, tilt their head and mutter lowly under their breath something along the lines of, "I'd rather die."

You finally do the routine, quickly, continuously, earning impressed reactions from everyone.

"That's hot," one of the hosts note.

"Ya, for some reason it looks easy to do."

The hosts begin to clamour at that statement, and force whoever said to do the exact thing you did. Clearly, they don't work out as much as you do and cannot even get halfway through it without stopping.

You break out into a breathless laugh in amusement of the comical attempt but then protest, explaining how bad it is to force yourself to do more than you can

CLIP #3: Pentagon, Hongseok especially, fawns over how fit you are

Trailing a conversation about how your group is close with Pentagon because your companies are situated closely to each other and you wind up eating together a lot, there is an anecdote about how there was a jar no one could open, no one but you, that is.

The interviewer asks no one in particular, "wah, none of you could open the jar? Really? Or did you all just pretend so she could open it?"

There is a chorus of answers concluding with, "no really, she was the only one that was able to open it."

The story is backed up by how the jar had a really small lid and some hands were too big. Then came an explanation how you were recently into the new rock climbing machine in your gym.

Hongseok speaks up, "I was invited to go to rock climbing in, like, an actual rock climbing place and I was honestly so surprised when she began to climb. She said she never actually tried rock climbing on a wall, but it seemed like she had been doing it for years."

Shinwon agrees, "Right, right. I was also really curious about what they did that day," he points to Hongseok, "that I joined them one time. I never felt so out of shape in my life. I just stayed back and filmed everything."

Pentagon laughs, and then agrees that you were exceptionally fast and just super fit in all honesty.

The interviewer catches Hongseok's expression then suddenly asks, "do you like a woman like that?"

"Yeah, I like my women strong."

Then came a lot of teasing remarks from Pentagon, and a plethora of complaints from delusional fans who did not want Hongseok to ever breathe in your direction again.

With all that's been said about that, in all the parts of this series floating around in the internet, one thing remained, there was a slightly larger population of impressed fans than the still large portion of antifans who wanted nothing to do with it and only came around to hate.

It's hard not to think about it, but even the slightest back handed compliment can sometimes linger in one's mind.

And right now, as much as I kept my mind on my counting as I finished my set high knees, I couldn't help but think of how much backlash I got from posting a post workout photo with my midriff exposed.

Apparently that was not only enough to merit hate for being both a whore and an attention whore, but people baselessly began to hate on my groupmates simply for being associated with me.

It's kind of sad really, how, say Wonho, can post a fairly exposed photo of himself and get so much praise for it, and yet I couldn't even do anything remotely close to that.

And I don't even mean to come at Wonho, we all know he's a beast at the gym and should be able to show as much of his hard work as he is comfortable in showing, but why can't I?

"Hey trooper. I thought you said you were only doing 80 counts?" a voice cracks me out of my train of thought.

I turn to whom spoke and chuckle at myself as I stop my leg raises, "ah yeah, I got lost in thought, and your really good song."

I pull on my earphones and give a lopside smile, "I love working out to God's Menu."

He gives a soft, "he he, thanks."

"No need for a thank you when I'm only giving my honest opinion, Chan."

"Yeah, well still, it makes my kokoro go doki-doki," he sniggers, crossing his arms and flashing a dimpled smile. I raise my upper lip and reel back, "EWWW!"

I playfully shove him. He acts hurt, "this is violence against children."

"Chan, you're literally older than me."

"That doesn't mean I'm not a child at heart."

"You mean, it doesn't mean you're not a drama queen."

"Hey, I have no interest in having a throne, my only interest is," he leans in and whispers, "you."

I feel my soul leave my body as he snorts to himself and runs away. I regurgitate in surprise, "YA!"

"You better do your next set properly," Chan says heading off to a cable row machine, "I'm always watching."

I try to ignore the blood rushing up your neck, "creep."

He shrugs, "rather that or have you get injured, sweet heart."

Yeah, Chan has saved me from a lot of injuries I could have had. It was a bad habit. It stemmed from the same thing that made me mess up my count a while ago, my overthinking.

Sometimes I thought of rather harmless things, but sometimes I began to fixate on the hate I received for simply being. I do a lot to get my mind to realize that they hated me simply because they could and because it was easy. Exercising helped tremendously, especially when I had someone fun to work out with, especially when I was with Chan. He just... made me feel safe, y'know.

But when the news of us being work out buddies surfaced, a lot of sasaengs came for me. Of course, a lot of Stays and my own fans were really kind about, speaking out that we were our own people and exercising together did not mean anything in particular really.

But some really went for it, and made it a hobby to comment on everything I was in that I was a slut for 'working out' with different men every day."

I let out a breath as I finish my routine. I catch my breath and go for a swig of my water. I take a moment then sit down by the mirror, which was near where Chan was currently working out.

"You're doing it again."

I turn from where I was blankly staring at turn to Chan who gave me a soft look, "you good?"

I release a sigh then purse my lips, "maybe."

He pouts, "what happened?"

I shrug and stand from where I sat, "you know, the usual."

Chan then comes up to me and takes my water bottle from me, "you know, no matter how much people say you don't need water to live, you can never change the fact that you are extremely dependent on water to live."

I look at him and half- heartedly point, "are you calling me thirsty?"

He begrudgingly groans and releases a chuckle. He calls my name out in a scolding tone. I feel myself relax, "I know what you're getting at Chan."

He nods, "good. I'll always be here to remind you of that."

I smile and feel an urge to hug him, "if you weren't so sweaty, I would totally hug you right now."

Chan then gives me a look then does not hesitate to crush me into his arms. I groan and whine in protest. He chuckles, "you literally just said you wanted a hug!"

"YOU'RE LITERALLY SO SWEATY. NO ONE WANTS THIS TORTURE."

Chan huffs and gives a wounded look, "hmp. You better spot me while I lift or else I'm unfriending you."

"Hmm... I think I'll be good without you as a friend."

I half expect Chan to whine about it, but he instead smirks, "ahhhh, you must want me to be your boyfriends so badly huh."

I- I mean...

CLIP #4: A crack edit of Chan when he gets asked about his gym relationship with me in Chan's Room.

He was looking through the questions and suddenly chuckles, his ears noticeably began to redden. Cue a zoom in of his face and his red ears. Cue a clip of Cardi B saying, "that's suspicious."

He says my name then continues, "am I close with her? Yeah. I would say I'm close with her-- and her whole group actually."

Captioned: Nice save, Chris.

"The kids and I are close with her group," he says, clearing his throat.

A clip of him clearing his throat is repeated about ten times.

Chan adjust the beanie he was wearing as he thinks of what he was going to say next, "we actually do work out together a lot because she's under a trainer that works with my trainer."

Captioned: Sure, Chan. That's the only reason, right?

Chan catches another question, "Is she a beast in the gym like Hongseok says?" He breaks into a laugh. He then rubs his cheek and grits his teeth.

A clip of someone saying, "Oh he's jealous," flashes on screen.

"Yeah," Chan finally says, "she's got a really high stamina."

Cue the clip, WHAT DID HE SAY?

Chan continues, "she can go between exercises without stopping. she doesn't even take that much time to catch her breath. In fact, she sings while exercising sometimes, which helps make her vocals stable."

Captioned: Queen Tingz.

The next thing that happens is Chan breaks into a laugh and begins to chuckle. He says, "Sorry I saw a funny comment."

Captioned: WHAT HE MEANS IS HE SAW A COMMENT SAYING 'SHUT UP CHRIS, YOU'RE WHIPPED."

Then came these comments:

LITERALLY LOOK AT HOW FLUFFY BANG CHAN GETS WHEN HE TALKS ABOUT HER DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME MY SHIP IS ALIVE

They are dating period. prove me wrong. you cant

Chan literally blushes over anything, buT HE TURNED INTO A TOMATO WHEN HE TALKED ABOUT HER BYE

if you hate on your faves loving each other, you most definitely need Jesus (:

PLEASE CAN YOU SEE HOW WHIPPED THEY ARE FOR EACH OTHER

Yeah... it's not been confirmed to this day.

[fridayturtle]

Here's a ton of design notes no one asked for my lost miraculous au/rewrite villain designs and some other notes about them as characters in relation. Since it's fun for me and I'm just here to indulge myself lol

I really wanted to attach the Graham De Vanilly family and Agreste family to theater and different forms of art. They're honestly just clowning and all stuck in their own heads making a show literally no one else needs to, or wants to be involved in lmao

Hawkmoth Notes

I might redesign Hawkmoth at some point, but I'd really like to keep the left eye or face hidden since it honestly reminds me of the phantom of the opera. He sees himself as like him a lot. If he had the left eye hidden as Hawkmoth, and not just Shadowmoth, in a way it would also be an interesting cue to the way he allies with Nathalie and yet only for Emilie's fate. When the viewers see her as Mayura with her left eye hidden introduced in s3, it would show her as an extension of Hawkmoth rather then her own.

"Phantom Fox" Felix Notes

To elaborate on some things here:

The original colors read as too similar to heroic for me. By making the orange and brown tinted red especially it reads a bit more as "villain" now, and it connects to his mom's red design. Even though they're all villains working together I think it's important to show that split of "Amelie and Felix" and "Gabriel and Nathalie" initially and visually as two teams with tension that eventually fall apart. ("Fall apart" being Nathalie getting sick and Felix getting hurt so that Gabriel and Amelie have to work together more).

For the comparison to Chat Noir I tried to make their energy similar? Technically the design only has their hands be the exact same, but I like to think that represents how they do things very similarly when using a miraculous. Felix is still cold, snarky and a trickster like his own civilian life, but he let's himself be so overly theatrical and silly as Phantom Fox. I'm also adding in that as Phantom Fox, he can be rash. Kind of in a way that's different from Chat Noir and can be a struggle for Ladybug, because he makes detailed plans that are smart and do work. It's just emotionally rash plans since he gets caught up in the feeling of superiority. He won't register the emotional or physical cost on himself or others until after it's finished. Chat Noir and him still hate each other and are enemies yeah, but I just want to emphasize the fact Felix and Adrien could totally be friends and share a lot of traits in this au. They could be the family member that support each other the best. But they're on opposite sides both at home and as super hero/villains.

"Madam Mäuse" Amelie

Amelie is kinda hard to make designs for (mainly because I struggle trying to make her appear distinct from Emelie). I really loved watching ballerinas in the theater as a little kid as a Christmas tradition though, mainly being the nutcracker and I couldn't get the mouse ballerina concept out of my mind. I love the idea of Amelie being involved in musicals a lot in her civilian life in this au, while her sister Emelie took movie roles like in "Solitude". She rarely gets involved as an actor or dancer herself anymore (she rather focus on Felix) she does help local kids get involved in theaters, musicals, or learn dance. She encourages Felix towards theater a lot but he doesn't want to deal with that many people usually. This also helps set up the idea of the miraculous class having to do a school play episode.

"The Monarch" Emilie Agreste

My favorite to make out of them!

Not as much to add here, but! I really want to drive in that butterfly aspect since canon hawkmoth doesn't do it for me lol. Part of that's okay with me in this au because Emilie with or without the mask is like a butterfly. The? Coffin? Tube? Garden Thing, Gabriel has for her body in canon serves more as like a cocoon in this version. A lot of her character arc is focused on rebirth emotionally when she's finally revived. She's always been manipulative slightly but now that Adrien has his own life while she has such a larger need to regain control she's just. dissociated from the reality she's been shoved into and isn't sure what to do but play the role of monarch she's been offered by Amelie, and by extension regain control there.

Find more about my au/rewrite here!

[marshmallowprotection]

Man, I love the Choi twins so freaking much, but when I truly imagine myself in the MC's place, I can't help but question my ability to handle some of the things they go through, especially in Saeran's route. I have ADHD, and from that RSD, which is basically when my brain goes, "Even if it wasn't actual criticism/rejection, here come the tears anyway!"

I honestly think I do a very good job and turning my ADHD into something positive; I make jokes out of the quirks that it comes with, and sometimes I don't even have to try, because things like bursts of rapid-fire questions only for me to answer them myself all within one breath tends to elicit laughter on its own.

But RSD, my emotional sensitivity, I hate it so much. I hate it; I hate crying in front of others. I don't even like it much on my own. I don't care how much people say my feelings are "valid" because sometimes they aren't! Sometimes it's really a stupid thing and yet the tears come anyways even though I don't deserve to cry over that, I don't need to, it's not something to cry over.

...I don't work well under pressure. Under time limits. I freeze up, my brain goes blank. I literally cannot think well until I'm calm, and staying calm can be very difficult. I just... I'm not sure I'd be good enough, strong enough, for either routes, and I know it's not really a big deal, but I can't help but feel a little... disappointed in myself.

I have a better chance in Saeyoung's route; my determination to help him, my stubbornness, could be enough for me to pull through, but I'd probably be so damn hesitant and nervous after his cold demeanor sticks around. Even a quiet, level, but cold, statement such as, "We can't even be friends" would probably bring the tears and UGH I hate it. I hate it I hate it I hate it.

Saeran... that's a special case. And, again, I know it's not a real situation, but I can't help but think about it, and I'm sorry I'm ranting like this, but it just kinda got to me and I needed to write this out kind of in depth. Thank you for reading this far...

Due to a friendship in my past -- my first best friend -- I think I would struggle with him a little. Not so much during his route, although the ADHD and RSD would make that difficult, too. Man... I wouldn't give in, not at all, but you can bet 100% that I would cry at least a little every damn time Suit Saeran came in to verbally torment me. Literally none of what he says would actually hurt me, but just because they're harsh words... And I wouldn't put it past him to actually reach into my insecurity of my ADHD making me annoying and overbearing, because I likely would've mentioned it to Ray once or twice or a million times lol.

But past that, GE Saeran seems to be heavily emotionally dependent on the MC -- no surprise there, but I... My friend. She was like that. Different issues, though: depression, anxiety, self-harm, and eventually suicidal thoughts.

I carried all her secrets, all her problems. I was in middle school. I was eager that someone would trust me so much. I was certain it had no impact on me.

And then it did. And it still does. I took on an... unfavorable habit. I still do it on occasion -- and I do small versions of it everyday. It's a terrible and destructive coping mechanism, but I... I like it.

We had a fight. I told her parents everything. They got her help. I'm happy for her, always still worried about it, but we're not friends anymore. I couldn't take it.

Ever since that, I get cautious around people who show similar behaviours to her -- thinking, I can't deal with a repeat.

Saeran isn't exactly a repeat, and I'd still want to be there for him 100%... but I'm afraid of how it might affect me. I don't know what would happen. Maybe I'd accidentally end up distancing myself from him, or maybe I'd fall back into the position of taking all of his burdens onto myself, as much as he would let me...

I realize Saeyoung would likely also be a little emotionally dependent as well, but I still think I could handle that a little better... maybe... Geez. It's not a big deal now, but... I mean, people like that -- people who are or get emotionally dependent -- exist. And if I meet someone who I really like, platonically or otherwise, and they end up being even a little emotionally dependent, I fear I would unintentionally distance myself, and end up losing an amazing relationship... This is why, I believe, the thing with the Choi twins affects me so much. That, and I know I would really want to help them, but I would struggle with so much feelings of inadequacy... No, I'd struggle with emotional inadequacy itself...

Sorry for this long post, but thank you for reading... ^^"

[417]

There can be a true catharsis in writing out your feelings so I hope that you feel a little better now that you’ve gotten it out. The fun thing about games is that it is allowing you to range outside of your comfort zone and put you on a playing field where you can click things that you may feel too nervous or unsure to do in your actual life! It’s good that you can find comfort in these characters, as well, and I totally get where you’re coming from. 

Here’s the thing, yes, there are hard times emotionally with both of them but do not think for a second that they wouldn’t stop themselves in the middle of what they are doing if you start crying or get upset. Neither of them wants to hurt you or make you cry. They’re both fully aware by the ends of their routes that they’ve got a lot to work on. 

It’s not easy. But, coping and learning how to deal with your trauma in a healthy way takes time. Realistically, the events of the game should happen over a much longer period and that would make it easier to put yourself in the situation and deal with as it comes. Especially with Ray’s Route, specifically. Because there is such a drastic change in his feelings. Falling in love and playing with the line of what he knows and what he doesn’t... that’s a whole thing. 

Yes, to an extent, he leans on his MC. I’ve talked about that before. He’s going to lean on them a lot. He won’t mean to do it but he’s only ever lived his life in the sense that he can please others and do for them. Everyone gave him a reason to be alive and to exist, and now that he doesn’t have that, he doesn’t know what to do and that’s hard. That’s going to be a battle in itself but he’ll get better in time with therapy and positive support from everyone. However, that can be exhausting, so that’s something to take with care. 

Saeran knows that he needs to work on himself and he’ll apologize and work with you when he does that. You just have to be gentle with him and be honest about how exhausted it makes you feel. He’s willing to work with you and take care of this. He wants to get better. He wants to fight for his health. But, Rome isn’t built in a day. If you love him and he loves you, he wants to make this work. 

Saeyoung is hard in the sense that yes, he loves you and he would do anything for you. His issue is that he can be skittish and paranoid. In the events of the SE, he and his brother still have to live with the fact that their father is still out there and could still hurt them. He’s not going to push that fear onto you specifically but it will show in what he does. He sleeps with his back to the wall. He needs to double-check when you go out alone on CCTV. He watches over you and he can get really scared. 

It’s not smothering, per se, but it is something that he needs to work on and very well acknowledge that he is doing. It’s not healthy for him to live like that, but the fear is warranted so that’s hard to fight. He, just like Saeran, understands that he has a long road ahead of him to get better... but he wants to, and the willingness to be ready to fight for yourself is the first step in the long battle. If someone isn’t willing to fight, then it’s not going to work. 

With your own fears, I think they would both be happy to help you work on your own fears and help you in your own battle. Support systems are important, and the Choi boys want you to feel safe and loved too. Fear is fear, but love is love, and it’ll be okay. If you find comfort in them, don’t fear that things would spiral out of control, there will be hard nights, but it will be okay. At the end of the day, you’ve got someone that cares about you as much as you care about them.

It’s about being willing to be honest. 

Being honest is hard, but you have to acknowledge it. It’s something that the three of you can work on together, no matter what timeline this is. Like, to give you a personal example, even though I love Saeran, I would have a hard time myself being there in the physical form. One of my triggers is loud voices, and I would have an issue with Suit Saeran as well even though I tend to try to rationalize anger and fear to combat my anxiety. I can’t control the fact that I cry when people scream at me, though. 

But, I do control how I let it affect me afterward and that’s a part of my personal battle to cope and to heal... and knowing that Saeran is just fighting so hard to control himself and he feels so twisted up, well, I have faith in him even when he is angry and lost. That’s me though, I have faith in people. It’s just good, to be honest with yourself and know that you can find comfort and rationality in that love. 

[ziracona]

I know you mentioned that Bill wasn't included in ILM because you didn't know much about his personality. Out of curiosity though, if you had included him in the fic, how would you have integrated his history of being in the middle of a zombie apocalypse that couldn't have happened for the other characters? Or like, what approach would you have gone with?

Oh this is kind of a tough one! I don’t know Bill well, because I haven’t played Left 4 Dead, but that actually wasn’t why he isn’t in the fic. I stopped including survivors after Jane Romero, because DbD updates so much that I hit a point it was either add more characters but know you won’t have time to develop them and give them the character arcs they deserve because you’re nearing the end, or stop adding people, and it’s always better to whole-ass less then half-ass more—especially with characters that are awesome and really deserve some due diligence. While Bill is actually one of the earliest survivors released for DbD (he was...siiixth or something? Like right after Ace? Or Nea?), that’s only for PC. On PS4 and Xbox, he wasn’t added until much later, and I play DbD on PS4. So, for me as a player, Bill wasn’t actually released until after Ash was. When I started writing, I was kind of vaguely aware he existed on PC? But I had 0 personal experience with him, and so I went with my own/console experience when it came to writing.

As for what I’d have done, that’s a dang good question, and I’m not entirely sure— I’d definitely have thought about it longer if I had included him, but I’ll give you what I think I would have done? Obviously, Bill’s not from the world the rest of the survivors are. While almost any of the stories can coexist with minimal changes (NOES 2010, Halloween, Stranger Things, even Ash are more or less fairly easily compatible), zombie apocalypse—couple things I know they’re bound to notice, ya know? Still, I stand by multiverse being both unnecessary and not the best decision for the story I want to tell, so what I think I’d have done is this: (under the cut bc it’s gonna be long af--get ready for some quantum theory lol)

Okay, so the Entity canonically can operate outside of natural time. Meaning it can take survivors from earlier or later, and isn’t on the same space-time fixed relationship the world is. Now, time travel is tricky. Or anything with a complex portrayal of time. But there are three basic setups for time travel potential that actually make sense. They are as follows:

Anything that will happen, has happened (or the Artemis Fowl timetheory). This one is pretty straightforward. Sure, you can travel through time, but the universe you live in right now where you are choosing to go back is the result of the past you caused. The change you’re causing is past-tense already, and the only real agency you have is in causing the circumstances leading up to where you already are. This still allows for some fancy manuvering (for example: want to save a friend’s life? No problem. You can’t remove the motivation to go back, so you in the past still have to believe they die, but so long as you didn’t like, hold their severed head—if it’s a situation like say, you saw them blow up, you can save that person—you just have to make sure your past self still sees them “die” in the explosion and thus chooses, as you did/are, to go back.) This is my personal least favorite theory of space-time, but it’s a solid one.

The second is the The Future is not Set (or the Back to the Future timetheory). This one says time is flexible. You can go back and kill your father before you’re born, and the future will change. How ripple effects happen are varried—for example in strict timeline variations of this theory such as those in Frequency or Back to the Future, if you cause yourself not to be born, time will catch up with you, and while the impact you left on the world remains, you, as you no longer are born, will vanish from existence as the time stream corrects itself. However, more lenient time streams such as the versions in Continuum or Futurama exist as well, where even if your effects on the world prevent you from being born, the version of you currently alive continues to exist as an anomaly. This is by far, in my opinion, the most enjoyable solid timetheory.

And last (unless you count Time Travel is Impossible as a solid theory which I guess technically you can??), theory three (or the Doctor Who timetheory). This theory portrays time as possible to change and allowing for alternatives to be taken, but not in all places and ways. It presents very hard limits on what can change, and offers a much more inflexible time continuum than theory 2, as well as much higher consequences for causing alterations. Rather than direct cause-effect consequences, like vanishing because you caused yourself not to be born, usually the result of tampering and causing a change of large size is that you will create time paradoxes, which the time stream itself desperately will try to destroy/fix, usually horribly and with massive and brutal force. Things like Life is Strange fall into this theory as well, with Dr. Who being on the lenient end of this spectrum and LIS the strict. It offers the technicality of a changeable future, but none of the true and almost wild freedom offered by variations of theory 2. Basically, any large scale or personal change you cause will rip holes in the universe, and either you will give in to fate and re-allow the loved one you saved to die, or you push on through and accept massive time-space damage and casualties for the choice. I’ve got mixed feelings on this one myself, as I’ve seen it handled super well and made a thing that can be fun, but it also is the theory that pisses me off the most when written poorly haha.

Anyway, massive time theory talk over, in Dead by Daylight, the Entity can traverse time canonically. In ILM, the survivors only talk briefly, after meeting Jane, about theories for how that works, but here is what I would say if ILM had included Bill. To preface, there are two timelines that each follow the same set of basic rules, but have a little freedom in how they effect each other (not so much in how they effect themselves): the Survivor’s world/reality timeline, and the Entity’s pocket dimension timeline. Neither timeline can contradict itself and create paradoxes within its own space. So. Bill is from the same universe as anyone else. At one point, the early 2000s followed the narrative of Left 4 Dead, and the Entity grabbed Bill where & when he “dies” in canon. Only, some time after grabbing Bill, the Entity took another person which (completely unintentionally on the Entity’s part) triggered a massive Buttery Effect on the world, and greatly altered reality, causing not only the Left 4 Dead apocalypse to no longer occur, but causing Bill himself to never be born. Bill however was already outside of the world and in the Entity’s pocket dimension at the time, and thus was not there to be “erased” and exists as an anomaly. While he is paradoxical in his own world, he does not at all contradict the Entity’s established timeline—he adheres to it. While the memory of survivors is effected and updated by changes made in reality by the Entity, because there is no version of “Bill” in the world anymore, he did not have his memories altered (there was no “Bill” for the timestream to update at all, as he is entirely an anomaly now, so it would have no reason to try). The world they exist in has a time continuum that operates off a variation somewhere between theory 3 and theory 2 (the future is not set, but also there are fix points—however, these almost exclusively exist in regard to one’s own past. The big rule is that personally making the act of altering your own past intentionally by nature also alters your motivations for acting in the first place, and thus negates the possibility of you doing so. While you can change other people’s pasts, or accidentally effect your own, you physically cannot change your own intentionally, because you’d create either a paradox or a time loop, and it would rip you apart).

Dwight is more or less correct when he hypothesizes that they might have all remembered a world with Jane Romero still in it until an hour ago. However, all of ILM itself is that version of time/reality (ie the “last” or “final” version, as it were/the version that came into being when Jane was taken). Her loss butterfly affect updated people, and so they remember her being missing. While the Entity could hypothetically someday accidentally do things that make it so survivors aren’t born in the external reality, it cannot do so intentionally or accidentally-on-purpose, because it is bound by the rules of its own personal history/timeline, and it can neither intentionally nor accidentally do a damn thing to prevent what has transpired inside itself from happening. Similarly, since the survivors are established as existing inside it, even if they were erased at birth, they would still exit it intact in November of 2019 with all their memories. The Entity thus has no real way to hurt them even in revenge, unless it is willing to risk taking them again from a later point in time. Most small decisions do not have buttery effects that are very large at all, and in general time attempts to smooth out with the least possible changes. What happened to Bill was a one in a billion fortunate/unfortunate chance thing, and was such an unlikely thing to happen in the first place, the chances of a thing like it happening again are astronomically small, and almost completely certainly would not to occur. In some ways it would be nice for him though, because he could escape back to a peaceful reality where many people he lost are still happy & living. While they don’t remember him, people would still have the echos of their past inside them (feelings of deja vu, memories in dreams, attachment and familiarity with people you never “met”) and he could reconnect with them if he wanted and live happily with old Left 4 Dead crew and his new survivor family. : )