#I overthink every little detail and dismiss things too because oh I’m definitely overthinking about overthinking those tiny details

[mirokata]

Incoming very personal overthinking about prom events and gay panic

Soooo DUCKKKKK okay there were such long moments at prom where I felt like we were about to kiss. But I panicked too much and kept looking away and got so scared that if we really kissed, I would mess things up. I was so nervous but it wasn’t even about the people around us- the only thing on my mind was her and the kiss. First kiss at prom I’d thought of that many times while waiting for prom to finally arrive but I just couldn’t… I couldn’t make it happen and now my mind is clouded with it and I can’t focus and oh my god I want to talk to her about it in real life right this instant. I want to talk to her about it, I want to tell her how I felt and ask if I really did read things wrong. Or I want her to laugh and tell me I was silly for overthinking it so much. I just want to tell her that I really did want that kiss. Duckduckduck I wish I didn’t have things on tomorrow I WISH I didn’t need to rush off, I wish we had all the time in the world to settle down and just talk. Talk about feelings. Talk about silly little moments we’ve had with each other. Talk about what was going through our minds behind those little moments.

I almost kissed her on the forehead. I was thinking, if I can’t kiss her on the lips, I can at least do this. But I couldn’t. And I ended up doing nothing. Is she moving too fast for me? Or am I moving too slow for us? So many ducking thoughts and so little ducking time to ponder and to fret and to talk to her about it.

I can’t with being an aromantic in love.

[brooklynislandgirl]

Beth and UARF!Billy - ❤♡❥ღ💕💘💝💓💌💟💙💚💜💛

Heart-Eyes || -

Five A.M.

Beth’s barely awake as she comes into the office, coffee in hand, only to come face to face with the widest grin she has ever seen on Hal Gates’ face. Dark eyes dancing, he relieves her of her thermos cup, takes both her arms in his hands, and swing-dances her around the cramped space where they work.

“We’ve done it, girl!”

Though abjectly confused, Beth can’t help but grin in return. “Wha’ve we done?” She wants to be just as thrilled, wants to share in the old man’s joy. “We’ve got data on white pointer mating! I’m running the compile now, we should be able to parse it and watch the video footage within an hour or two!”

She’s floored.

The shock is clear on her face, even her mouth drops open a little. Often bandied about as the Holy Grail of marine biology, great-white mating is known to exist. Despite decades of research into the habits of the species, that particular bit of knowledge has eluded marine biologists.

“Wha...? How?”

“Mate of mine, Crawford down in New Zealand has taken a fisherman’s eye-witness account on our elusive little friends, and shared video. Crawford sent me all of the data.”

“Oh, Hal.”

Dr Gates nods at her eagerly and once again promenades her around some tables, brushing past a stack of hastily shoved aside folders with charts of migration patterns, weather reports, and feeding data. Then, far more carefully, he hands her into a seat and plops down into an office chair, slapping his knees in pleasure and pride.

“Speaking of mating rituals...”

Beth laughs but blushes at the same time, eyes askance. She suddenly knows what he’s going to ask, or at least of whom.

“...And since we have so little to do until all the research is collated and complied...”

“Must we?”

“No finer time, girl.”

She holds her hands up to stave him off until she gets up, crosses the room and takes a sip of her coffee. Not exactly how she wanted to start the day, but there’s no real reason not to humour her mentor.

“Have at, den.”

“Excellent.” Hal Gates really is an inveterate old gossip.

~*~

❤: who is more affectionate in public? in private?

Beth laughs. Okay, so this isn’t really so bad. “I t’ink I gotta say...I’m more affectionate in public. Mos’ of da time, Doctah Manderly... just doesn’t know what t’ do. Very stiff, hands in his pockets or stand at parade rest.”

The last cocktail party had been a half disaster, between trying to get William to mingle with the public attendees and not leave to check on his seals at first opportunity. The one time he surprised her was when he put a hand on the small of her back though the illusion was broken when she found that the six-foot-six man was trying to ultimately hide behind her. No amount of mock-tails were going to spare him any acute discomfort.

“Probably for da best. No offence, but he’s very definitely...ah....British.”

“None taken.” Hal offers her a wink and taps the side of his nose.

“But even behind close doors? He just... lil uptight, I guess. I sometimes wonder if mebbe he’s worried about havin’ an episode, and some affections are difficult when you have a service dog nearly t’ree-quarters ya size intent on doin’ her job, but I’d say he at least tries when it jus’ da two of us. Fingahs in my hair, brush against my arm. Da kine.”

Hal nods, knowing the specifics without having to drag them out of her.

♡: who is the bigger romantic openly? secretly?

"I t’ink,” she begins, carefully considering this one. “Dat anyone who loves da sea so much dat dey would give up a whole life to dedicate demself to it...got a big romantic soul. What is da ocean, if not love an’ life, an’ all dat we dream of in songs an’ poetry? I only t’ink it’s harder for him to express dat because well..”

She makes a dismissive gesture.

It isn’t that he grasps the concepts of language and expression, they’ve certainly entertained passionate arguments, verbal jousts that have filled the air with sign and countersign.

“Romantically speakin’ I jus’ don’ see him as da type dat I’m gonna find outside my window wi’ an ole boom box, playing In Ya Eyes by Petah Gabriel, ya know? But I also don’t believe he wouldn’t t’ink about it. So secretly? Him. Openly, me.”

❥: who is more likely to plan something big for valentine's day?

“Honestly, Hal...I’d have t’ say him. He’s a planner. Wants every detail to be perfect, will second guess himself a hundred times jus’ to make sure dere no wrinkle in the research. Me? Always been da spontaneous kine, except when it came to really wantin’ to work wit’ you.”

Hal pats her lap, his face soft.

ღ: who is more likely to initiate hand-holding in public?

“Again, it would be William. I don’ know wha’ he’s t’inkin’ a lot of da time, if he’s even aware dat I am dere sometimes. An’ I don’ really wanna make a big deal about it, don’ wanna ovahstep. For me, it’s a much more difficult proposition, is like...touch is where I’m most comfortable, outside of typing endless notes or readin’ data.”

She nods toward the words scrolling along the screen. She fully disclosed her disabilities when she applied for the position so thankfully she doesn’t have to explain now. Most of the other people at the facility don’t even really notice. Except for maybe Ben who sees too much and maybe says too little. That’s to be expected though when you gather a bunch of scientists and stick them in one beautiful place.

“You want him to initiate more, don’t you?”

“I would, yeah. But dere always more important kine and so really guess it nevah really matter.”

💕: who is more likely to make huge declarations of love in front of other people?

“Fair question an’ I guess dat would be me. We...we agreed not to make a big t’ing about any of dis, you know how quirky everyone here is, an’ in case it doesn’t work out, we don’ want da kine t’ get weird. Especially wi’ James an’ Miranda. So if somet’ing like dis were t’ happen it’s probably because he push all my buttons an’ my tempah got da best of me, right? Could see it happenin’ over breakfast. On da beach. Mebbe by da pools.”

Which is why she tries so hard to keep her passions in check. She doesn’t want to blurt out anything that can’t be taken back.

💘: who developed a crush on the other first?

“Couldn’t say,” and in those two words it is the breadth and depth of her honesty. Beth doesn’t have crushes in the same way most people do. She’s never seen anyone and instantly found herself immersed in fantasies, desires, a desperate need to be around them. She might find someone intellectually stimulating and enjoy the conversation. She might notice that something about them calls to her artist’s eye and be aesthetically pleasing in its symmetry, someone might make her laugh but she doesn’t dwell. And by the time there is the first inkling that she might want more out of a situation or relationship, she’s already become close friends. Or she watches as that object of her affection drifts beyond reach and she tells herself she’s happy because they clearly needed something more than she’s even capable of giving.

And sometimes, Beth wonders if she isn’t really broken or damaged in some way. Because she can’t even say she ever had a crush on Billy. She doesn’t know that she can say she has any expectations other than they look good together on paper, and it’s been drilled into her since birth that appearances *do* matter. “Mo’beddah you should ask him.” Gates doesn’t say anything, he only nods.

💝: who spends more time (possibly overthinking) what presents to get the other?

“William. For same-same reasons as Valentines Day, an’ da need for everyt’ing to be as exactin’ as he can make it. Like, how hard and how long it take him to find...or more likely, *breed* dem two purple neocardinas in my office?” Shrimp like the two in her tank, deliriously happy and spoiled and free of predators, are rare in size and colour, and yet… there they are. Then there’s the allegorical evidence of his severe and frothing dislike of mass consumption marketing, the complete commercialisation of every secular and religious holiday, the pastiche of feelings tacked on almost like an afterthought.

💓: who initiates most physical contact?

Beth hesitates. That’s slightly more personal than the other questions so far and truth be told she’s a little ashamed of having to answer without specific parameters. But it is a question, and she did agree to answer them with the same honesty as she offers Hal in all their other work and conversations. “I’ve always done well wi’ sensory input dat was based in kine oddah dan auditory. Smell, taste, seeing… but of alla dem, touch has always been important to me. Textures, near imperceptible data processed t’rough skin. An’ I guess dat I use dat wi’ him. Way to express ideas or sensations dat might not come across ordinarily. Enthusiasm, excitement, humour, rage, disappointment. I wan him to feel an’ understand when I don’ have da words in me, or know how to express. A lot of da time, it’s accidental or at least….subconscious.” A beat goes by. “I don’t believe he really cares much for it.”

💌: who is more likely to send cutesy texts to the other?

This one is hard for her to answer because they aren’t really cutesy text people. Most of their days are too filled with very real world drama, service to the greater good, the understanding and conservation of the most vulnerable environments and animals within. There’s weather, there’s reports, there’s an entire litany of experiences that don’t leave much time to play around until well after hours when they can finally seek well deserved liberty. However, Billy does sometimes send her pictures of the seals doing very cute seal things, or Annie shepherding him and his charges with the boss-vibes of the Queen Mother. In the end she only offers her mentor a smile and a shrug.

💟: who spends time reading their zodiac compatibilities?

“Oh absolutely I do. Find da whole pseudo-science of it fascinatin’, especially when da stars are not in da same position as dey were when it was invented an’ da psychological impact it has on our species is jus’ totally wild, you know?”

Beth knows that she’s the textbook definition of a Cancerian woman, and Billy does a good job providing a counter-argument on being a Libra. Further there’s a bit of an annoyance factor; he thinks junk science ‘belongs in the bottom of the bin with the rest of the rubbish.’ And he has a point, to some extent, even if she doesn’t agree with him. Not everything can be cold facts and numbers. Sometimes a little playfulness was in order and he absolutely needed to be reminded of that.

Hal laughs and shakes his head. “You’re going to do my chart then, aren’t you?” “Wit’out a doubt, Doctah Gates.” She wiggles her brows.

💙: who is more protective?

“I think objectively, I am. You know William’s troubles, and I have to keep them all in mind dough it’s not like he can forget dem, right? Some of his facts aren’t… I’ve consulted with some medical doctors and if we are careful, dere’s a lot he can experience dat he sees out of reach but I don’ like bringing dem up because I don’ want to agitate him. Only can lead t’ problems.” She does wish though that he’d trust her a little more, that he’d let go of some of his well deserved fears. That he’d let himself out of his shell and accept that even with limitations he can do many of the same things as the rest of the group does. But he seems content enough to hang back, ever the observer. And she doesn’t know if it’s her place to try to drag him into things though she might be better at it than anyone else. Miranda has told her as much.

💚: who tends to get sick more often? who is better at taking care of the other?

Hal’s question is really a continuation of the previous one and once again she has to call Billy out on it. Because she’s never really been sick a day in her life, not since early childhood and the culmination of that was the test bite that nearly lost her the leg she keeps tucked away, hidden out of sight whenever possible. “Dat seems a small kine ingenious, he no can help his seizure disorder. An’ I feel like he really ought to have a good psychologist. I t’ink some t’erapy would do him good. Spends too much time in his own head an’ mebbe not enough taking charge of his life. I know he can be afraid of lots of t’ings but it nevah really *has* to be dat way. But I also don’ wanna push him, for same-same reasons I mention before. You can lead a shark to chum but no can make him frenzy, know what I mean?” The analogy is silly. Billy wants so much more than what he feels he has. And a darker current in the back of her mind wonders if they would still be the same if he felt he could reasonably have them. That feels so selfish and toxic and she really has no place casting judgement on him when maybe she’s no better off than he is, only expressing it differently.

💜: who said "i love you" first? or, if neither has said it yet, who is more likely to say it first?

It’s strange how perceptive he is and goes in for the killing bite. The honest truth is that neither one has said it. And neither one likely will. Billy has layers of guilt and trauma, has beliefs that she cannot get a single foothold to try and tear apart. He doesn’t feel deserving of such a finer emotion. And Beth? She has her own reasons. She doesn’t even know if love is a thing that exists or if it’s some fairy-tale people tell themselves to make it easier to get by. She believes in affection, and she believes that people bond the same way packs and pods and herds do. But she feels the concept of love is poisonous. Ruinous in the way it can destroy someone from the inside out. And how any time she’s ever thought she’d felt it, it was ripped out from her grasp. She won’t say it. She won’t hear it.

She doesn’t answer him immediately, but instead gets up and paces away, appearing as though she’s checking on some of the cameras situated around the bay. The wall that she’d left down for Hal goes back up, slamming into place.

“Research from both psychology and neurology fields have found that there are twelve different areas of the brain that light up and work together when two people are attracted to one another, releasing chemicals like dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin and vasopression. All the symptoms people experience are simply animal-instincts provided to guarantee that we as a species survive by either wanting to mate, or flee.”

💛: who believes in soulmates?

And Gates understands he’s made an error in judgement, though he’d only been trying to be helpful in a meddling kind of way. Anyone at the facility could see that Billy and Beth were two sides of a very quirky but ultimately needed coin. That they’d both changed each other in the two years she’d been a research fellow, and how they’d both blossomed for it. Well, anyone but the two of them. And this had seemed like such a good idea at first, tied into shark mating habits which he’d hoped she’d take better than she is.

Her answers have thus far matched up quite nicely with the boy’s.

Sadly, especially this one. She doesn’t turn to look at him. “There are no such things, Doctor Gates. And even if there were, statistically it would be almost impossible to meet a soul mate. Within the same general age group there are about a half a billion potential companions all over the world. One would have to travel the entirety of the world, every remote pocket of the planet. Secondly, there’s no scientific proof that souls even exist, and enough studies across various disciplines to prove that they don’t. Believing in such nonsense only makes a person unhappy. And all that aside, most mammals are not biologically programmed for monogamy and I doubt human beings are either.” Because if they were, why would anyone leave someone they claimed to love?

[walkerismychoice]

Stripped Bare - Chapter 15 (Bryce X MC AU)

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Bryce X MC (Charlie Hawkins)

Summary: One more day before the wedding. Bryce and Charlie go to the final dance rehearsal before heading out on a cliff-diving excursion.

Rating: Finally, definitely NSFW/18+

Word Count: 5583 (Sorry but I couldn’t split this one up)

Friday

The bed is empty again when she wakes, no sign of Bryce anywhere in the suite. Charlie checks her phone and there's a text from him saying he went to the gym and would be back in time to leave for dance lessons. Bryce working out in the morning is no surprise, but she can't help but wonder if he wants to put a little more space between them. She starts to get ready, and when she emerges from the bedroom dressed and ready after her shower, he's already there waiting.

"Oh, I didn't think you'd be back so soon." Charlie looks Bryce over, noting his fresh clothes and still wet hair. "And already showered at the gym and everything."

"I figured we could hit up the breakfast buffet together before dancing. I heard it's phenomenal, and I'm not sure what we're doing not taking advantage of free food every day."

Charlie's about to comment, but she holds herself, and her privilege, back. Going down for breakfast hadn't worked out time-wise before today, but that's in part because she doesn't have to worry about how expensive room service is. "Sounds great!"

~~~

Bryce had been right about the buffet, but now Charlie is stuffed, and she barely wants to move, let alone dance. However, Bryce had insisted she eat up for their big day. She knows they are going on some excursion to fulfill Bryce's cliff-diving stipulation of the contract, which they finally have the time to fit in with Katelyn giving them the rest of the day off until the wedding rehearsal and dinner, but he's been tight-lipped on on the details. Judging from the backpack full of stuff and instructions to wear good hiking shoes, she's not anticipating a quick and easy journey.

"It appears everyone has the basic steps down from the other day...or at least as good as it's going to get." Lisette looks pointedly towards Bob and Kyra, so we will focus the rest of our time on the special ending. "You two," she calls to to Charlie and Bryce. "Come here and help me show the class how it's done."

They move to the center of the room standing face to face, hand in hand, in ready position. Charlie knows it's ridiculous because she shared a bed with Bryce last night, but she can hardly look at him directly. She's trying not to think about how much she wants him, but its impossible with those soulful eyes that see right through her, lighting a fire inside every time they connect with hers. His scent fills the space between them and it's like a drug she can't get enough of, making her dizzy with desire. And then his touch - His calloused fingertips barely graze her bare skin, and her whole body is electrified, like one touch in just the right place could be enough to make her come undone.

"You need to look at your partner," Lisette commands. "This is a romantic dance."

Fine. She will if she must. Charlie looks up to see Bryce's charming grin, and her stomach flips. There's no way he doesn't feel the strong current between them too, because as he pulls her body against him, a soft whimper emanates from within him, like he's being teased with something he desperately wants but just cant have. He pushes her back out, and they complete the sequence steps with the final dip, his hungry gaze cast down on her like he'd devour her right then and there if he could.

Bryce brings Charlie back upright and back to the awareness of everyone's presence in the room. She's completely flushed, probably both from the exertion and they fact that everyone just witnessed them eye fucking on the dance floor."Perfect!" Lisette praises. "So much passion between you two. No more practice necessary, you are both dismissed."

"But there's still forty-five minutes left in the class!" Katelyn protests.

Lisette waves her off. "They know the dance, and when you and your partner have it down, you can go too"

Charlie stifles a laugh. Given Landry's lack of rhythm, they won't be leaving anytime soon. Charlie then frowns apologetically at Kyra and waves her goodbye because Bob is even worse Landry.

~~~

“Are you sure we should be walking through here?” Charlie pushes some brush out of the way, so it doesn’t hit her in the face. “What if we are attacked by a wild animal or something?”

“The snakes here aren’t poisonous. There are scorpions though, so just don’t go digging under any rocks. But in case of emergency, I have a pretty stocked first aid kit.” Bryce reaches back and taps his bulging backpack.

“That’s very reassuring,” Charlie adds dryly. “You know there are a couple popular cliff diving spots in the area that don’t require a perilous jungle expedition to get to.”

“Popular being the operative word. Nigel at the front desk told me tourists don’t know about this spot, and it’s usually pretty quiet because it’s not easy to get there. But once we get past this thick brush it’s not a bad hike.”  

It had been almost an hour van ride to get there and they've been walking 15 minutes already. If Charlie gets whacked in the face with one more branch... "This better be worth it, Lahela."

"Oh, it will be," he replies in his ever-confident tone.

A few minutes later, after Charlie's just about ready to abort the mission because she thinks they've been led astray, she spots a clearing through the trees with the faint sound of water rushing down in the distance. Charlie carefully maneuvers through to behold a breathtaking sight. The lush, green forest surrounds a round body of water, at least thirty feet down if not more - but Charlie's trying not to think about how much more. A waterfall on the far end empties into the bluest pool of water she has ever seen.

"Wow, this is gorgeous." Charlie tiptoes on on the flat, rocky ledge to peer into the water. Despite the bold color, it's clear as far as the eye can see. At least she wont have to worry about smashing into a rocky outcropping or getting crunched by a crocodile. Still, heights make her anxious and she has to step back before she works herself into a panic thinking of other potential peril.

Bryce seems to be in his element, taking it all in and doesn't appear to notice her hesitation. "You ready to get to jumping?"

"N-now?" Charlie stammers.

Bryce chuckles. "I was figuring we'd eat lunch first, but thought I'd ask just in case. Sometimes it's easier if you don't think about it too much."

He may be right but Charlie's beyond overthinking as per usual. "Lunch, yes. Food sounds great." She's a bit queasy actually but anything to delay free-falling into an unknown body of water. Maybe it will give her time to think her way out of it.

Bryce spreads the rolled up picnic blanket out on a flat patch of land and pulls a brown paper bag out of the backpack, handing a wrapped, rectangular object to Charlie. "I had the cafe make us some sandwiches to go. And I also brought this.” Bryce holds up a metal flask.

Charlie presses her lips together,her eyes narrowing skeptically. “I’m not sure jumping off cliffs and drinking mix well.”

“True, but just a little bit of liquid courage might help. I was predicting you would be nervous, and clearly I was right.” Bryce tilts the flask towards her.

“I-” She starts to protest but there’s no use pretending. At this point Bryce might have to push her to get her to go. “Just give me some.” Charlie swipes the flash and takes a long pull, the fiery liquid burning down her throat, and she coughs. “What is that?”

“Some type of local rum. A recommendation from the bartender”

“You are just making friends all over the place, aren’t you?”

Bryce shrugs. “It’s what I do. I have a gift. Nobody can resist my charms...except maybe you.”

Charlie laughs under her breath. “You sure about that?” She’s wanted Bryce for much longer than she’s willing to admit and turning him down took everything she had.

“You show a lot of restraint, I’ll give you that.” Bryce scoots closer, brushing his fingers against Charlie’s calf. He inches them higher and higher, resting on her knee. “If it were anyone else, I might have stopped trying by now, but not with you. The longer you hold out...it just makes me want you that much more.” Charlie holds her breath as his finger make their way to her thigh, gliding over her smooth skin towards the hem of her shorts, the heat within her rising exponentially the closer they get until suddenly she can’t hand it anymore and she hugs her knees to her chest. “Case in point.” Bryce shakes his head and laughs.”

If he’s trying to wear her down it’s working, but there’s only two more days left. She needs to stay strong, and a change of topic is most definitely in order. “So, I’m curious. Why were you so insistent on adding this into the contract? I mean you hardly knew me. I didn’t think you’d want to ensure you’d have to spend more time with me than already necessary. What if I was totally crazy and insufferable?”

“Well first, like I said, this is something I used to do as a kid, but haven’t had a chance to in awhile.  A lot of my memories from childhood are not great, but this is one thing that is. I know I could have gone off to do it on my own, but when we met in that coffee shop...I just had a feeling.”

“A feeling, huh?”

Bryce shoots her a crooked grin, a twinkle in his eyes. “Yep, a feeling.”

She still can’t help but get that tingly, fluttery, lovesick sensation every time he looks at her like that, which is why this discussion needs to end. “I’m starving.” She unwraps her sandwich and breaks off a large bite. “Mmm. good,” She mumbles with a mouthful.

Bryce follows suit, and as they eat, Charlie steers the conversation to less personal things. They finish their food, and knowing what's coming next, Charlie takes a couple more big swigs of rum.

"So, are you ready?" Bryce hops up and lifts his shirt off, leaving just his blue swim trunks remaining.

"As ready as I'll ever be, which isn't saying much." Charlie takes the hand up that Bryce offers and strips down to her red criss-cross halter top bikini. It's a testament the way Bryce boosts her confidence that she's been thinking more about showing off her figure. with swimwear choices than trying to hide it.

The two of them meander towards the edge and Charlie's heart starts pounding in her chest again. Bryce slips his arm around her, rubbing her should reassuringly. "You can do this."

Charlie shakes her head and takes a step back. " I don’t know if I can. Maybe you should go one time first, so I can see that it's safe."

"I'm your test dummy, huh?" Bryce teases. "Like the penguins that push one in first to sea if a seal will eat them. You know if anything happens, you'll have to jump in after me."

"It's okay, I'm a doctor. I know CPR and stuff."

Bryce laughs. "Okay, but you aren't getting out of it next time." Without further hesitation, Bryce takes a running leap off the ledge, plummeting towards the water in cannonball form. He hits with a big splash and sinks down deep. Time seems to stand still as she waits for him to reemerge. As more seconds go by, she starts to panic, worrying something's wrong and she'll have to go in after him, but then he comes up with a big smile on his face.

"You stayed under on purpose, didn't you?" Charlie calls down.

"Maybe...I was hoping you might just dive right in"

"Nope. You are going to have to climb back up here and make me."

Within a couple minutes, Bryce has made it back to the top. "Okay, no more thinking. Let's do this." Bryce walks Charlie to the edge again, firmly grasping her hand. "On three. One, Two, Three!"

Despite her fear, Charlie jumps with Bryce, because with his iron grip, the alternative wouldn't be pretty. Her stomach drops as she starts falling and she screams all the way down. Seconds feel like minutes until she finally lands in the cool, blue water. She instinctively fans out her arms and legs and then vigorously swims her way up to the surface. She turns her head to the right and sees Bryce pop up right after.

"You did it! And you didn't die!" Bryce swims over to Charlie and wraps her in his arms as they tread water together. It seems like he wants to kiss her, and to be honest she would probably let him, but then he pulls away. "Have you ever swam under a waterfall?"

"Can't say that I have."

"Then let's go!" Bryce takes off and Charlie follows.

They dive under the forceful curtain of water and come up together on the other side. Bryce scales the rocky ledge with ease, but Charlie has more trouble, falling back into the water. On her second attempt, Bryce reaches down and helps lift her out, but Charlie struggles to maintain her balance on the uneven terrain, and he catches her against his chest.

"If you wanted to get close to me, you could have just asked" Bryce jokes, but neither of them are laughing.

They keep ending up like this, like magnets who can't be kept apart. His gaze is intense and sincere, and now she doesn't want to look away. Beneath the waterfall, nothing else matters and the rest of the world ceases to exist. Bryce's hands find their way to her hips, hers slide over the hard planes of his chest. He pulls her tight against his body, his arousal clear, and she physically aches for him - all of him.

Bryce dips his head down, ghosting his lips over Charlie's neck. A thrill runs straight through her and she whimpers because she needs him so bad. He find the sensitive spot above her collarbone, sucking on the delicate skin just hard enough and she can't hold back. "Bryce..." She moans his name

"Yes, Charlie? Tell me what you want," Bryce pleads.

She shouldn't, she can't, but she has to. "I want...I wan't to fire you."

"Please, Charlie. Fire me. I want you so fucking bad."

"I want you, Bryce. For real. So I'm sorry to say, you're fired. From here on out our contract is null and void."

"That is the best news ever!" Bryce draws her back in again, kissing her fiercely. While her hands travel down exploring the contours of his taught, muscular back, his go in the opposite direction, up the sides of her bare midriff. His thumbs tease the edge of her bikini top before finding her nipples through the clingy, wet fabric. He traces patterns just so, and she gasps at the unexpected jolts of pleasure.

Charlies fingers slip into Bryce's waistband, pulling him in tighter. She grinds against him, trying to let him know she can't wait anymore.

Bryce lets out a moan, but then pulls back with a pained expression on his face. "Wait. Before we continue, there's something I should tell you. Maybe we should head up where it isn't so loud."

Fuck. He wants her sitting down. This can't be anything good. Her mind is reeling, automatically going to the darkest of places. She knew he was too good to be true. He's probably got a girlfriend, or even worse a wife. In a daze, she reflexively steps back, not realizing how close she is to the water's edge. Her footing slips and she scrapes her forearm on the way down.

When Charlie surfaces, she sees that Bryce as already jumped in after her and is immediately at her side. "Are you hurt?"

"Mostly my pride." As the shock wears off she notices her left arm starts to sting and she lifts it out of the water, blood starting to trickle down. "And maybe this too."

"Woah, that's a nasty abrasion. Lets get you back up and I'll clean it off and patch you up." Bryce reaches towards Charlie but she shies away, their conversation before her fall coming to the forefront of her mind again, and a look of realization crosses his face. "Oh...you don't have to worry about what I'm going to tell you. It's good...I think."

His reassurance puts her slightly at ease, but she still can't imagine what's such a big deal that it warrants a sit-down conversation. "Okay, let's just take care of this, and then we'll talk."

Bryce helps Charlie back up the steep terrain and once at the top starts emptying the contents of the backpack. He hands Charlie a towel to dry off and has her take a seat on the blanket as he rifles through the packed first aid kit. Charlie's about to start directing him on best practice for wound care when an item falls out that catches her eye.

"What are you doing with a sterile suture kit amongst you first aid supplies?"

"I'm an active guy, and I take risks. You never know when it could come in handy," Bryce answers nonchalantly.

"But it's not like you can just go to the drug store and buy that."

"I know. That’s why I swiped a few from the hospital."

So what, did he steal from the ER when he was a patient, or.... The wheels are turning in Charlie's head and when Bryce lays out two standard hospital issue saline flushes it all clicks. The medical terminology, first aid skills, knowledge of her residency... It was all right there and she just kept explaining things away. "So wait, what you were going to tell me?"

Bryce smiles sheepishly. "Did you finally figure it out?"

She thinks so but she needs to hear it from his mouth. "Why don't you just tell me?"

"Okay, as you may have guessed, I'm not just a stripper." Bryce starts cleaning her wound with the saline as he talks. "Everything I've been pretending to be is what I actually am. I did just graduate from medical school at Harvard and I am starting a surgical residency at Edenbrook when you start yours." He pats the open area with clean gauze and makes sure the bleeding has stopped. "I was just working at Exoctica and doing private gigs to help pay for medical school." Finally, he spreads some antibiotic ointment on a gauze pad and secures it with medical tape. "Last Saturday was actually my final shift." He looks back up at her, holding her hand in his, waiting for a reaction.

She should be relieved, thrilled even that Bryce is a doctor too, but she feels deceived. "Why did you keep this from me?" She jerks her hand away. "I feel like a fool now."

"Charlie, no, you aren’t at all. This is on me, and I’m sorry for making you feel that way... Look, being a dancer, I’ve had to keep a lot of myself hidden, especially going into the medical profession where reputation is so important. At first I thought you were just like any other client and none of this would matter. As I got to know you though, I really started to like you, but I still worried our backgrounds were too different... I wanted you to get to know me and like me as a person, and not for my title or profession. I thought if I told you I was a surgeon, I could never be sure of that. Please believe me that despite what I omitted, everything I told you was true, even if you didn’t know it at the time. I know it wasn’t fair of me to test you like that, and again I apologize. My initial impression of you was so wrong, in the best way, and I need you to know everything now because I've fallen for you. Not Dr. Charlie Hawkins, or daughter of wealthy CEO Richard Hawkins, but just Charlie. Sweet, intelligent, humble, beautiful, accident prone Charlie.”

Charlie giggles at the last bit, almost forgetting she’s upset. But is she really? Bryce had been right about her, at least initially. But in the same way he saw through to the real Charlie, she had done the same with him, and none of the rest matters. “Bryce... I get it. I mean I made you pose as my boyfriend with what I thought would be seen as an acceptable career. And I even had thoughts of, ‘how am I ever going to tell everyone what Bryce does if this becomes real?’ But you know, last night I was this close to telling my mom and the rest of the room that you are a stripper and if they didn’t like it, they could fuck off.” They both chuckle, and then Charlie continues. “Because in all seriousness, I have fallen for you too. Although I have to admit, now that I know our careers are relatively equal, I’m worried I’m not good enough for you.”

“I know, right?” Bryce smirks.  “A ridiculously hot surgeon with a charming personality? I’m quite a catch.”

“Ughh, I take it all back.” She pushes his shoulder playfully.

“You know I’m joking, Charlie. Well not about being hot and charming of course, but don’t ever think you aren’t good enough for me or anyone else. Do I have to go over the list of things that make you amazing again? I have a bunch more adjectives I haven’t listed yet - funny, driven, cute, sexy-”

“Okay, that’s enough. I get it. I’d list all your wonderful attributes, but it seems you are already well aware.” Charlie laughs and drops her arm against her leg,not thinking about her injury, and winces from the contact.

“Oh, I almost forgot the most important part of your treatment. May I?” Bryce reaches towards her hand and Charlie nods in agreement. He flips her palm up, locking his eyes on hers as his lips graze over the bandage with the gentlest kiss. 

"Hmm, it actually does feel a little better. I thought that only worked on kids."

"The placebo effect is part of it to be sure, but the competing sensations can confuse your brain and reduce the pain."

"Now you're just showing off, Dr. Lahela."

"If you think I'm showing off now, just wait until you see what I prescribe next." Bryce suddenly lunges forward and pulls Charlie onto his lap.

Charlie shifts to straddle Bryce, her hands threading through his hair, his settling on her waist. Despite the momentary blip, she wants him more than ever. “And just what does the doctor have in mind?” 

“We’ll start with more kissing. Kissing triggers the release of oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin, all of which can make you feel better. It also aids in vasodilation, resulting in decreased blood pressure and better blood flow to the injured site, thus reducing the pain. I’ll start here...” Bryce traces his thumb over her lips. “Then here...” He drags it across her jaw, down her neck, and splays his hand over her chest where he can without a doubt feel how fast her heart is beating. 

“And then what?” 

“Kissing is great and all, but that still might not be enough....” Bryce trails his hand over the swell of her breasts, down her stomach, and lower, stroking her teasingly through the lycra fabric. “...so I’m going to need to make you come. Probably at least a double dose of that to be sure. Orgasms are scientifically proven to be incredible analgesics. Way better than Tylenol.”

God, she's so turned on right now, her body craving his touch. "You seem to know what you're talking about doctor. I wholeheartedly consent to this treatment plan."

Bryce brings his hands up to cup her breasts. "I can assure you, you are in exceptional hands.” He kisses her hard on the lips, then follows the path he mapped out, sending shivers down her spine when he nips and sucks on her neck. As he dips beneath her collarbone, he finds the ties of her bathing suit top, his fingers nimbly unknotting the strings strings. The fabric falls away and Bryce leans back to admire his handiwork. “You are so beautiful.”

In the broad light of day, Charlie’s first inclination is to curl up against him and hide. She’s never been comfortable being this exposed. But with Bryce she feels safe, she feels wanted. He’s not looking for flaws like the love handles squeezed over the back of her bikini bottom, or her abs that aren’t totally sculpted or flat. He just sees her. So instead she sits up straighter, allowing him a better view and his gaze to linger until he can’t hold back anymore. Bryce surges forward, capturing her nipple between his lips then alternating to the other side, the subtle flicks of his tongue set her body alight. 

Aching for contact, Charlie rolls her hips into Bryce and is rewarded when his hard length, straining against his nylon shorts, connects with her most sensitive place. She rocks against him, her pleasure building, and when his cock twitches against her, she can’t help but moan knowing how much her wants her too.

Bryce slips a hand inside her waistband. Charlie shifts back, making room for his fingers to work their magic, because as she soon finds out, Bryce’s hands are even better than he proclaims them to be. He slides two fingers effortlessly through her folds. “Fuck, Charlie. Seems you want me as bad as I want you.”  With the perfect amount of pressure, he draws circles over the hood of her clit, and with all the pent up tension, she’s already close to the edge.  

Charlie’s increasing moans and whimpers clue Bryce in to how ready she is. He thrusts two fingers inside her, and continue to work her sensitive nub with his thumb. His fingers curl around, hitting her sweet spot and her entire body trembles. His free hand tangles in her hair and he gently tugs her head to the side, whispering in her ear, “Can you come for me like this?”

“Yes,” she pants between labored breaths and when he adds in a third finger, she’s done. A volcano erupts inside her sending molten pleasure coursing through her veins, and she cries out Bryce’s name. Charlie collapses against his chest, clinging to him shakily until the aftershocks subside. He slowly withdraws his fingers and she feels empty in their absence. 

Once she can move again, Charlie pushes Bryce back on to the blanket and kneels beside him. She pulls on the tie of swim trunks, but Bryce grabs her wrist to stop her. “Not yet, I want to taste you first.” 

“Oh...” She could count on hand the number of times Andrew had given her oral during their six years together. He wasn’t a fan, but he sucked at it anyway, so she never came when he did it. However, something tells her Bryce’s tongue can give his hands a run for their money. “...Okay.”

Bryce tugs at her bikini bottoms and she slips them off the rest of the way. She starts to lay down beside him when Bryce crooks a finger at her. “Come here. I want you to sit on me.”

Charlie’s taken by surprise again. Andrew certainly never did it that way. She’s a little self conscious, but Bryce being so into it puts her at ease. She swings a leg over and hovers there before lowering herself onto his mouth. His warm tongue licks a stripe through her folds to her clit, and he moans against her sex, the vibrations making her shiver. He tilts his head away and smiles up at her. “Fuck, you taste so good.”

Bryce dives in deeper, his tongue sliding past her entrance and then back out again, licking, sucking and flicking where she wants it the most. It feels incredible, but she still can’t get enough. She sinks down further, sliding and grinding against his face, his day old stubble prickling her her delicate skin in the best way. He reaches up to caress her breasts and the pressure that’s been building is about to boil over once again.

“Yes! More,” Charlie breathes and Bryce’s motions intensify, his tongue twisting and swirling in ways she didn’t know were possible. He rolls her nipples between his forefinger and thumb, and that’s all it takes. She’s seeing stars as her core contracts, sending a rush of euphoric pleasure all the way out through her fingers and toes

With wobbly legs, Charlie carefully dismounts and settles in next to Bryce on the blanket. She kiss him languorously, tasting herself on his lips, and Bryce pulls back with a wicked grin. “Needed to see for yourself how good you taste, didn’t you?”

“No....” She buries her face in his shoulder because if she wasn’t already so flushed, she would probably be blushing.

Bryce tips her chin up so their eyes meet, sweeping her wild curls off of her face. “Don’t be embarrassed. It’s hot.” He traces soothingly around the edges of her bandage. “So, did the prescription work?”

“I actually forgot all about my injury until just now, so I would say absolutely.”

“Excellent.” Bryce suddenly rolls himself on top of Charlie and kisses her hungrily. “Maybe I should give you one more dose to maximize the effectiveness.”

Charlie laughs. “I’m not sure if I could hand that.”

Bryce reaches over to his backpack and fishes out a condom from the little front zipper pocket. “Don’t worry, you can relax and I’ll take care of you.”

“I want that, so bad...but you should know I can’t come like that. I just don’t want you to think I’m not enjoying it if I don’t”

“Oh, do you want to be on top then?”

“No,” She shakes her head. “I’ve never been able to orgasm in any position.”

Bryce brings his lips to hers, kissing her slow an deep. “Those other guys didn’t know what they were doing. I’ve got you.”

His confidence is so sexy and she feels the heat start to pool in her belly once more. Their mouths meet again with increased urgency. Bryce shimmies out of his shorts. Charlie doesn’t get a good look at him but when she reaches between them to stroke his shaft, it’s fully hard and feels sizable in her small hand. His eyes flutter shut with an accompanying groan as she works her hand up an down. She circles her thumb over the top, catching a thick bead of pre-cum, lubricating the tip and causing him to twitch.

Bryce bolts upright and moves her hand away. “If I don’t get inside you soon, I’m going to cum all over you.” 

Coming from someone else, the visual image of that would probably turn her off, but the way Bryce says it only makes her want him more. She immediately picks up the condom and rolls it onto him. Bryce lifts her legs up onto his shoulders and aligns himself with her entrance. “Let me know if it’s too much...or not enough, okay?” Charlie nods in agreement and Bryce slowly sinks into her, her tight walls feeling every inch. “Damn, you feel incredible.”

Bryce sets a slow and steady pace and as good as it feels, she wants more. Charlie grabs his ass to coax him in harder and deeper and Bryce complies, hitting her sweet spot just right with every thrust. Her strangled moans indicate that she’s getting close and she wonders if maybe she will actually come this time. She doesn’t have to wonder long because as soon at Bryce reaches down and rubs her clit, one of the most, if not the most intense orgasms in her life rips through her and she screams, “Oh my god..fuck..yes!” into the wilderness.

“Fuck, Charlie. Why do you have to be so sexy,” Bryce groans as he picks up speed, her walls still fluttering around him. He pushes her legs further towards her chest, almost folding her in half and hitting her impossibly deep until moments later he cries out and his whole body shudders. He stills against her until the rhythmic pulsing of his cock subsides. He flops on his back and gather’s Charlie into his arms. “Fuck, that was amazing. Why didn’t we do that sooner?” He chuckles.

“We’ll just have to make up for lost time.” Charlie absentmindedly draws imaginary lines between the muscles on his chest.

“Oh, I plan to. We have that huge hotel suite and we have’t taken advantage of any of it. There’s the bed, couch, bathtub, shower, counter-top, balcony...” Bryce counts off all the locations on his fingers.

Charlie shakes her head and laughs under her breath. “Lets not get ahead of ourselves. If we don’t get back for the wedding rehearsal soon, Katelyn’s going to kill me before we can get to any of that.” She gives him one last kiss and gets ready to begin their long journey back.

[katranga]

Part 1: The Miracle of Revision

Same disclaimer applies: Fic is for fun, and these tips are just suggestions!

Intro: Yes, you can write words!

Hello, I am back with more writing tips! This time I’m covering Motivation: AKA Can’t The Words Just Put Themselves On The Page? (As well as a detour into scene building, because that’s always helpful).

So! Stories need to be told. They aren’t going to appear out of nowhere, they need you to be seen and enjoyed by the masses!

So, just in time for NaNoWriMo, I figured I’d share my tips for actually writing the darn thing. I’ve never participated in NaNoWriMo, but I did write a 40k novella in a month once, and that’s aaaalmost the same lol. Anyway, for that I was kicking out about 2k a day, which is a LOT, and not what my usual word count per day just fyi. But that experience did convince me that I was fully capable of writing that much in a day—as long as I knew where I was going with the story, and just. didn’t. stop.

Don’t Stop Writing

That’s my main secret. Just don’t stop writing! Obviously you don’t have to write an epic in one sitting, but set a goal, and stick to it. Whether that be 100 words a day, or a 1,000. Don’t like going by word count? Set a timer. Write without stopping for 10 minutes. Or write one page a day. Anything is better than nothing!

Honestly, there are some days where all my “writing” is just—write a sentence, scroll through tumblr for 20 minutes, remember I’m supposed to be writing and get out a few more paragraphs, head back to tumblr to reward myself, rinse and repeat the whole day. On those days I’m shocked I ever get anything done.

But that’s the thing. Anything is better than nothing! 100 words a day is going to be a finished product eventually! Writing nothing will get you nothing.

It Doesn’t Have to Be Good

Now of course there’s the question: Cool, but how is setting a timer gonna help me?

Because you have to write. Take off your critique glasses and put on those author lenses! Don’t worry if it sounds good or not! First drafts are not about being good. It’s about starting.

Better writers than me have said editing it like sculpting, so the first draft is you getting together a huge hunk of clay that you can carve away and pick at later to make something beautiful. But you can’t carve air! And readers can’t read what you haven’t written. Try to keep that in mind.

So, so far we’ve got: set a goal, don’t worry about it being good.

Have a Map

To write without stopping for ten minutes, we need to know where we’re going, right?

Have a plan. That 40k novella was the most planned-out thing I’ve ever written. And sure, it changed a lot while I was writing, but I had a beginning, middle and end set out for the characters. I had settings, I had plot points, I had characters in mind (and for fics, a lot of these things are already there for you!)

Know where you’re going. Have a vague plan. Preferably more nailed down than ‘they fell in love’ because uhhh that’s almost every fic.

Some questions to think of beforehand:

How are they going to fall in love?

When are they going to realize it?

How will they react? (To their own realization and/or the other’s confession)

What are they going to do about it?

Why are they falling in love?

That’s a good one for motivation—I know we all think our OTP should be together, but why should your specific iteration of the characters fall in love? I like being convinced!! And it makes for a stronger story.

Of course you don’t have to have it written down (unless you want to!), but if there are a lot of little details, or fun dialogue exchanges you don’t wanna forget, you can definitely jot those down, and then write towards those moments.

To help plan out a fic, I recommend Max Kirin’s How to Plan a Novel video. Now, you may not need to plan out a fic, but if you’re having trouble with inspiration (which admittedly, I rarely do anymore—I’ve just got too many damn ideas) this could help, because it starts from the ground up. Honestly, I love anything by Max, so if you’re gonna spend your time not-writing, you may as well be watching their writing videos!

And if you don’t know exactly how the whole thing is going to end, that’s fine. At LEAST have an end goal in mind for the scene/chapter you’re writing. Every scene you write should have a point. It should move the story forward (or just be cute fluff, this is fic we’re talking about).

But if the fic is about them falling in love/realizing their feelings etc, each scene should getting them closer to that moment where they confess their true feelings (or come to whatever resolution the story has been heading toward).

This usually means the characters getting to know each other better, sharing their pasts and secrets, being vulnerable with each other etc.

And each scene should build on top of the last, so that the ending of the fic could never have happened without all that middle.

Under the cut we’re digging into a scene from Voltron, to look further into scene building.

Scene Building

We’re getting into the nitty-gritty of scene-building, because having a clear picture of how scenes work will hopefully prevent you from writing yourself into a hole of “what is happening here on this day, what am I even writing” (which has happened to me plenty of times).

The beats to hit in any scene are obviously beginning, middle, end, which can also can be treated as

Intro (why this is happening)

Build up (how the characters are reacting)

Climax (peak of the scene/decisions made)

Denouement (how characters react to the resolution, which can mix in with climax for short scenes)

Let’s go over the PINNACLE OF ROMANCE that is the scene from Voltron S3 where Lance stops by Keith’s room for support. I know anybody who’s seen it has already obsessed over it, and there have been a thousand posts about it already.

But let’s talk about why it’s such a well set-up scene.

Background: Lance is coming to Keith because he feels like a seventh wheel now that Shiro can fly the black lion again.

This is building on previous scenes—Lance has been feeling insecure for a while, but now that there are six paladins and only five lions, he’s really feeling worried, and he wants some comfort. Just like he offered to Keith, when Keith was freaking out about being the leader. Lance wouldn’t have come to Keith without these previous scenes to build on.

So, Lance explains his feelings, show his insecurities to Keith and asks for help.

Now, a character in Keith’s position could do a few things:

Tease him for being vulnerable

Dismiss his concerns

Address his concerns and assure Lance he’s needed in the team

Now… Keith kind of does the second one, with a dash of the third.

(He does NOT do the first, which would’ve meant a serious downturn in their relationship development. Which isn’t always bad in a fic, there needs to be obstacles, right? Sometimes one character pisses another off, and apologies need to happen to strengthen the friendship back up.)

But that doesn’t happen here, thank god.

We get Keith Trying His Best.

This ties in to his characterization—Keith isn’t super great with words or emotions. He’s clearly surprised that Lance came to him (but pleased all the same). In dismissing Lance’s concerns, Keith is TRYING to ease them. He’s trying to help.

So the basic outline of this scene is:

Lance: Keith, I need help. (Math speech--more pilots than there are lions)

Keith: No, you don’t. (”Things will work themselves out.”)

Lance: Oh. Okay ): ): (”Okay. Thanks.”)

Keith sees that Lance is disappointed when he’s leaving, so he says the ICONIC line of “Hey Lance? Leave the math to Pidge.” Which roughly translates to:

Keith: You don’t need help :) :) :) <3

And then there’s the subtext of Keith wanting to tell Lance he’s an important part of the team, but he’s socially awkward so he doesn’t, blah blah blah, we all know that.

And a good scene usually has subtext, an underlying current of what the characters aren’t saying—especially if they’re bad with their feelings, or just holding them back (which is like every fic ever).

Now, we can debate over whether or not that convo influenced Keith into leaving to join the Blade, but in a fic, that would DEFINITELY be a cause and effect situation, because Keith would want to solve Lance’s problem.

Lance: There are too many paladins. You guys don’t need me :(

Keith: I’ll leave. Now there are five paladins again. All fixed! :)

Which is obvs not what Lance meant but HEY, stories have conflict.

So, to review:

Intro: Lance has a concern and wants Keith’s input

Build up: Math talk, Lance asks Keith for reassurance that he isn’t useless

Climax: Keith tells Lance to stop overthinking, things will work themselves out; Lance isn’t satisfied with that, which Keith notices

Denouement: leave the math to Pidge (Keith trying his BEST)

Aaaaanyway, the point of this tip is, if you know where your scene is going (AKA why you’re writing the scene and why it’s important to the fic at large) then everything will go a lot smoother for you!

Distractions--Get Rid of Them

The final tip is about distractions, and besides locking yourself in an empty room with a good playlist, I’ve got some helpful apps/sites that suck out any distraction. Obviously both free.

Fighter’s Block – Website, super cute. You decide how many words you wanna write, and you keep typing, or the dragon defeats you. A health bar goes down when you stop typing, and goes up when you keep typing, to keep those fingers on the keys. (Don’t worry, even if the health bar gets to 0, your writing will not disappear, and it’ll save it for a while, too.)

Focus Writer – Free downloadable app for your computer. Basically fills your whole screen with a blank page so you’ve got no distractions. Totally customizable, you can pick the font, upload a background pic, turn off spellcheck, set goals for the day that it’ll keep track of so you can set a streak. Saves your documents. Basically, if you don’t have MS word or any other writing program, you can totally use this for all your writing.

Both of these are really useful when you know what you want to write, but you just can’t focus. They help me, at least!

-

So, that’s all I’ve got! Again, this got way too long, but I hope it helps! If you’ve got any questions, shoot ‘em my way, and I’ll do my best to help out.