#I ove them a very normal amount still

[dustofthedailylife]

I'm enjoying the Kaveh, Alhaitham and Y/N roommate brainrots a lot lately. I'm glad you guys seem to dig them as well. Based off of how many asks I received about that brainrot,

I should really expand on that, huh? 🤔

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

May I ask why you dislike Malleus so much?

[My TWST character tier list is here.]

[For context on why I dislike Malleus: here and here!]

Many of the reasons previously cited above are still applicable presently (though some points may be outdated since those posts were written before book 7). In this post, I will mostly be focusing on why my thoughts on Malleus have not changed despite the new added content of book 7.

I ramble on for a bit, so I put my thoughts below the cut! Ah—but before you read, please be aware that these are my opinions and not meant to be disparaging to any Malleus likers out there.

Me disliking him should not take away any of your joy!! Go out there and love him for me ^^

A lot of the things happening in book 7 were a long time coming, so really I felt as though Malleus finally “losing it” was affirming of all the red flags from before. Since day 1, his loneliness, aloofness, and awkwardness around his peers were key traits of his. What book 7 does is it magnifies the darkest aspects of his character.

We’ve seen several examples when Malleus has fits of rage and his power flares out of control or he at least threatens it. In Glorious Masquerade, he becomes enraged at the realization that the invitation he received was a false one. In A Firelit Sky, he insinuates that he would be upset if people questioned his presence for the trip. He crushes Lilia’s phone in his own Dorm Uniform vignettes, destroying a friend’s belonging because he was upset about not being invited to an occasion. In book 7, we see a flashback of Malleus freezing the whole castle as a child because his grandmother, overtaken by her duties, could no longer dine with him as promised. Malleus’s temper has been a persistent issue since childhood.

We’ve also seen him act callously toward his classmates and misuse magic to force his will upon them. Remember him stopping time during Endless Halloween Night? How he wanted some ghosts to enjoy themselves instead of missing out on being with everyone for the holiday? Now he’s stopping time in book 7 and keeping everyone in their happy dreams forever. Remember how (in his Dorm Uniform vignettes) Malleus thought it would be easier to make the other dorm leaders come to him instead of him coming to them for their meeting? So then he disregards their autonomy and casts magic that’s normally cast on objects on living beings (something which the other dorm leaders take offense to, as it is dehumanizing). He fails to consider their perspective when he returns to Diasomnia (he basically goes, “well, I wouldn’t have been mad if they cast that spell on me!”). Malleus learns nothing from the experience despite Lilia trying to tell him over and over to be more considerate of others and how different they are from him. Now we have Malleus relating his peers to a virtual pet that he never ever wants to leave him.

Malleus can be stubborn and arrogant. He has a very single-minded way of thinking and often does not consider others’ feelings before he makes the decision for them. Malleus can be insecure. He doesn’t even fully realize he is lonely until Yuu suggests it in book 7, but he’s capable of acting on his bouts of intense emotion. He has always had these flaws, and now they are being brought out in full; we’re being forced to confront OB Malleus and all the complicated, twisting feelings of abandonment that come with him.

Let’s make one thing very clear: I don’t take issue with the overblot boys in general; they are meant to be morally grey characters that act in dubious ways. It would be insincere for me to claim “I dislike Malleus because he did bad things!” News flash, many TWST characters have done bad things or at least questionable things that would give you pause. What separates Malleus from the others and makes him egregious enough to earn significant ire from me is the particular actions he takes (which triggers a personal disdain of mine).

Malleus consistently exerts a scary amount of control over others. This is not a new idea; Riddle and Vil are also notorious for being oppressive or controlling, and I’ll be the first to admit that. (You’ll note that those two are low on my tier list too.) The thing is, Riddle and Vil were very overt and open about their demands for obedience. Malleus can be too, but it’s so insidious how he acts within the dreams. He ignores people’s autonomy, gaslights others, and, again, acts like he knows what’s best for them 💀 Other characters have done these things too, but never to the same scale or by exerting this much power. Malleus then resorts to violence when his lies don’t work, even though he’s fully aware of the power disparity between him and his peers. It feels particularly scummy to me because of how Malleus frames his selfish actions and feelings (his wish for Lilia to not leave) as selfless (for the benefit of his peers) and something everyone else would want in order to justify it to himself 💦 I know he is in (or bordering on) overblot so he wasn’t thinking rationally at that point, plus the fact that many examples I listed come from events or vignettes which may not be canon to the main story timeline. Still, there is a concerning pattern of behavior with Malleus misusing his powers or not being considerate of others and failing to grow from those mistakes. You can only go “oopsie” so many times before you harm someone by accident. I expect people to learn their lesson by then and adopt some proper restraint. He keeps claiming his intentions are good as if that’s supposed to dismiss any harm that results from his actions??? No, his actions still harmed people and he has to deal with the consequences of them, not have them hand-waved away or excused. The behavior I’m witnessing is reminiscent of like… having a toxic friend that is constantly told “hey, what you’re doing/saying makes me feel uncomfortable; do you think you could dial it back?” and the friend tells you they’ll try but then never actually changes their behavior or defends their behavior with “I didn’t mean to, so therefore I did not actually harm anyone”.

You can give me a backstory, but a backstory only goes so far as explaining why he is the way he is; it does not excuse him at all. You can say “He’s a fairy! He’s actually a child mentally! He's sheltered!” until the cows come home, but when he relies on magic to quickly fix the problems he caused instead of stopping to genuinely reflect on why people are mad at him, it’s hard for me to sympathize. Because of his immense power and status, the only person that can reasonably hold Malleus accountable is himself, and he has not demonstrated to me that he can do that.

Book 7 is essentially the payoff for allllll the tropes and traits I never liked to begin with coming into fruition. That’s why Malleus has stayed where he is in my TWST character ranking. I did not expect the writing, no matter how good or tear-jerking, to change that. Until Malleus shows that he’s fully apologetic, recognizes the error of his ways, and consciously tries to connect with others and understand their perspectives, he’s staying squarely where he is.

Am I saying a character with flaws is a bad thing? No, absolutely not! Flaws are what make a character interesting, I’m not faulting Malleus or any other characters for having them. Am I saying that he is poorly written? No, I think Malleus is actually quite a complex character and he’s been really fascinating to follow. I love the emotional complexity of book 7–and it was so clever how the devs related his virtual pet to wishing for happily ever afters for people in his real life. This magnitude of danger is also just about what I expect of book 7 and the themes of togetherness that TWST was angling for from the start. But the fact remains unchanged that I perceive his attitude as irritating at best and reprehensible at worst.

My distaste for Malleus is based entirely on my own views and life experiences. The specific flaws Malleus has and how he acts because of them don’t sit well with me and the kinds of things I enjoy in fiction. It’s not anything deeper than that!

[plant-gt-thought-box]

The Fox In The Snow

Heeeeeey @cyncerity ! I was your secret santa gifter! I really hope you enjoy this gift and sorry that it's late! Also plz look at discord DMs before reading this for funny!

TW- safe vore, soft vore, and thats it! I hope you enjoy!

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Tubbo followed close behind his partner as the snow crunched underneath his boots and his partner's parents followed close behind them carrying various amounts of camping gear. Tubbo had been invited by Ranboo to go on a camping trip with his family during winter. He had never heard of going camping during winter but this wasn't really a normal camping trip.

See, Tubbo was going on a camping trip with a cryptozoologist, two actual cryptids, and Sapnap. Tubbo wasn't completely sure on what was going to happen during this camping trip as he wasn't sure what cryptid they were looking for but he was still quite excited to help out his partner. This was going to be the absolute best winter camping trip ever.

The small group of five finally reached their camping grounds and Tubbo was a bit relieved when he found out they were going to be staying in a cave instead of out in a field among the snow. The brunette helped Ranboo set up the tent they were going to be staying in for the next few days and then agreed to go out with Karl to gather up some wood they could use for a fire.

"So Tubbo, are you excited to help us look for Wren Veilers? Ranboo mentioned you were excited to find one." Karl asked as he walked over to the team holding some old dried wood they had found, the brunette smiled as he collected more sticks for firewood.

"Fuck yeah I am! You said their combination between owls and foxes, that sounds so fucking cute!" Tubbo excitedly explained as he walked alongside Karl heading back towards the cave they were staying in. "Do you think we'll be able to find a whole group of them?"

Karl chuckled at the enthusiasm and patted Tubbo on the head. "Well, we should consider ourselves lucky if we see one of them. Wren veilers are very tricky creatures and they're considered very new among cryptozoologists."

Tubbo nodded his head in understanding as they walked into the cave where Ranboo and Sapnap we're setting up a small fire pit. The brunette dumped his firewood down next to the two and sat with Ranboo, starting to help him work on the fire pit. Karl set the wood he had down next to the three and then walked over to Quackity.

"Why aren't you inside the tent Q? Isn't it a bit too cold out here?" Karl asked as he took Quackity's hand and let him back into the large tent the three were staying in. He sat down in the pile of blankets Quackity had already made into a nest. "Were you making sure Sapnap was safe?"

The avian nodded his head as he softly chirped at Karl. "I saw someone flying around where we were… I got a little paranoid."

"You did? Could you make out what it was?" Karl asked, frowning when Big Q shook his head and leaned into Karl.

"Nope. After I sleep tonight I'm going to go looking for them though. I don't want to trespass on anyone's territory," Quackity explained as he slowly started to fall asleep. Karl rubbed Big Q's back and snuggled up next to him.

"I hope it was just a really big bird…"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tubbo was wide awake that night. He hadn't expected the winter forest to be so loud considering the large population of animals were hibernating, but despite all of that the place was still extremely loud. The brunette regretted not bringing along the earbuds his sister had bought him.

The brunette decided if he couldn't sleep, he might as well read the book he had brought along in the hopes that it might help him sleep. As Tubbo finished reading his second page, he swore he heard something lightly scratching on the outside of the tent.

It reminded him of whenever Enderchest was trying to break into Ranboo's room. The cat would constantly scratch at the door until it was opened for her (even if it wasn't locked and she could easily push it open). He looked over at Ranboo and noticed that his partner was still peacefully sleeping. So, Tubbo slowly got up and crept towards the opening of their tent.

Tubbo grabbed the nearby walkie-talkie Sapnap had given the boys to call for help if anything happened at night, and (instead of using it for its intended purpose,) got ready to throw it at whatever animal was scratching at the tent door. The brunette could tell it was a small one so scaring it away would be easy! Hopefully.

Tubbo slowly unzipped the sealed up tent and gasped at what he saw. Sitting right in front of the tent was a small human with long fox ears and two snow owl wings on their back. The creature's eyes were a pure light blue that just stared right into Tubbo, making it hard to tell if they were acknowledging the humans existence or staring off into the distance.

Then the small creature held out its hands to the boy as if it was demanding something. Tubbo blinked a few times until he suddenly realized- "Oh you want some food, don't you little guy?"

Tubbo went back into his tent and grabbed the small bag of jerky he and Ranboo had been snacking from earlier. He pulled out one of the larger pieces and carefully set it on the ground outside of the tent. He watched closely as the Wren Veilers (that has to be what that creature is right?) hesitantly walked forward and took the large piece of jerky.

The lil blonde/white haired creature scurried off, disappearing outside of the cave. Tubbo sealed the tent back up and just sat there for a moment with a stupid grin on his face.

It was then that the brunette realized he'd forgotten to take any pictures or even attempt to catch the lil wren veilers…

Tubbo quietly started putting his boots and shoes on. The creature was small, there was no way it was fast enough to already be far from the camp, especially if it was carrying food! Tubbo would find the little guy, take a picture and then come back. Ranboo and his parents probably wouldn't even notice! 

The brunette grabbed a large flashlight that had been left in their tent and quietly made his way out, making sure to zip the tent shut behind him. He walked over to the exit of the cave and quickly noticed the small creatures' footprints in the snow. He was going to get evidence of these creatures existing for Ranboo's family.

Tubbo turned on the large flashlight he had and started following the small footprints in the snow, going deeper and deeper into the forest. He shivered as the outside got colder and colder and he started regretting not changing into some proper pants before leaving the tent. Pajama pants really weren't that warm.

As Tubbo wandered deeper and deeper into the woods, he swore he saw something big and white moving among the trees.He chose to ignore it for now since it didn't seem to be a big threat to him right this minute.

"Where did that wren veiler go..?" Tubbo closely followed the footprints in front of him and began walking a bit faster as snow started to fall down. If he didn't find a little guy soon he might lose his path back to the cave as well!

Then, as Tubbo was slowly starting to give up and considering just going back to the cave, he spotted something small running through the bushes with the familiar blonde hair the little wren veiler had. The brunette smiled and ran off following the small creature. He got the camera in his hand ready remembering just how fast the little guy was.

Tubbo ran after the small cryptid. The snow continued pouring down and completely covered up both of their tracks. The small wren veiler ran into a nearby cave and Tubbo ran in after the little guy, absolutely determined to get a picture of him. 

Out of pure frustration and the small opportunity the brunette had been given, he jumped forward and tackled the small wren veiler. He held the small creature close to his chest, surprised they didn't struggle.

"Well you're not that feisty of a little guy are you?" Tubbo pulled the camera out of his pajama pocket and quickly took a picture of him and the wren veiler. The brunette smiled, very proud of his work, but flinched as he felt a puff of hot air ruffle the top of his head. Very hesitantly, the brunette looked up in absolute horror at what looked like a giant polar bear. It was much bigger than normal bears and stared right down at Tubbo, its crimson like eyes studying him closely.

Tubbo slowly got to his feet and backed away from the beast, holding the wren veilers very close to his chest. He trembled as the bear walked towards him on all fours and opened its large mouth full of razor sharp teeth. 

Tubbo let out a terrified scream as the bear jumped forward and grabbed him in its mouth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ranboo frantically ran through the woods, desperately trying to find any traces of Tubbo as he and his fathers scoured the entire forest. Once they had all realized the brunette was missing from his and Ranboo's tent and was nowhere to be found near their camping site, they assumed the worst and instantly went looking for him. Quackity had taken to the sky and flew overhead, calling out for the boy and helping his family avoid any dangerous areas of the forest.

Ranboo had shifted into his true enderman form and was desperately calling out for Tubbo. He practically ripped the old tree trunks some critters used as their home out of the ground as he desperately searched for his human companion. This weather wasn't safe for humans to be out all alone! Ranboo's instincts were running wild, screaming at him to find Tubbo and-

Well Ranboo wasn't going to do the second part but he was definitely going to find Tubbo.

As the four continued their search for the brunette, Karl noticed Quackity suddenly landed in a nearby clearing. He and the other two quickly ran off in that direction but came to a halt when they saw a tall avian with long black wings speaking with Big Q. Karl took Ranboo's hand and did his best to keep his son calm and hopefully stop him from running up to the avian. Endermen were a bit unpredictable when agitated.

The avian with long black wings started walking down a small hidden path and Quackity gestured for the others to follow him. The group hesitantly followed the black winged avian down the narrow path and into a large cave. Sapnap tightened his grip on the ax he was holding as he noticed a large figure up ahead.

Quackity lightly squawked at the large entity and everyone watched in slight horror as a giant werebear slowly sat upright. It looked down at everyone, and Ranboo very quickly noticed their stomach bulged lightly and a slight movement came from inside of it.

"Your young one is in there. My son saw him wandering around outside in the cold and brought him here for safety," the black winged avian explained as he unfurled his wings and made himself more seeable. He started speaking with the werebear who slowly started to lay down again. He put himself upright once he noticed Ranboo in his full ender form.

"He's… safe in there right?" Sapnap asked. He looked the giant werebear up and down, primarily trying to avoid looking at the beast’s stomach. He didn’t want to see how desperately the kid was squirming in there.

The black winged avian squinted his eyes at Sapnap, obviously finding this question extremely stupid. Sapnap tried not to take offense from that but really found it annoying that crypts didn't realize humans had only one stomach.

"Yes. If he wasn’t safe in there, he wouldn't be in there. Do you want him back?" The avian asked, ruffling their wings a bit as they looked over at Ranboo.

"Yes, obviously we want him back! Why is that even a question!?" Ranboo growled out, flinching back as the werebear glared at him. "Please give him back…"

The werebear begrudgingly stood up and walked a bit closer to the group. The small bump in his stomach began to move upwards towards his mouth, but the werebear stopped and the bump reappeared in his stomach. Ranboo started to growl as the beast started to speak.

"It's cold out here. It's safer to let him out once we're back at your shelter." The werebear's voice was deep and stern as he spoke and he began to walk past the four. He sniffed the air and seemed to be following their footsteps back to their camp.

"You four heard him! Let's get the kid back to your camp and then we can part ways," the avian explained, following close behind their friend. Ranboo quietly growled to himself, still very much wanting Tubbo to just be released from the creature's stomach. Sadly he knew they were right. Karl held his son's hand as it was best to keep the boy calm as they quickly returned to their camping site.

"So while we’re all stuck together, can we do some introductions?" Sapnap asked, finding the awkward silence as they walked back unnerving.

"I am Philza and the bear is Techno," 'Philza' answered quickly as he looked over at Quackity.

"I am Quackity and these are my partners, Karl and Sapnap. The young enderman is our son, Ranboo. The kid in Techno's storage is Tubbo," Big Q also quickly explained, glaring a bit at the other avian.

Philza simply nodded his head as they all walked into the cave they were using as a campground. Sapnap quickly left the group, running into the largest tent to grab towels for Tubbo. Techno simply stood in the middle of the cave and began to bring Tubbo back up. Ranboo watched the entire process extremely closely wanting to make sure the beast didn't accidentally hurt his Tubbo. He fought back the urge to run over and scoop up his friend as he was dropped onto the cold cave floor.

The small brunette slowly sat upright, coughing and desperately trying to wipe some slime off his face. He suddenly held out a small creature he had been cradling to his chest. It was a young looking wren veilers!

"You ass! I shared beef jerky with you and you got me eaten by a bear!? You ungrateful little shit!" Tubbo yelled very gently, shaking the small creature. It just yawned and seemed to be trying to go back to sleep.

"Um, Tubbo-" Ranboo began but was quickly cut off by Tubbo.

"Hey! No! You are not going back to sleep! You slept the entire night in that stomach! You are not sleeping anymore!" Tubbo started pinching a small blonde wren veilers cheeks. The sleepy wren veilers screamed at Tubbo and Tubbo, in his angry state, yelled back.

Ranboo slowly walked over in his enderman form and lifted the soggy human up into the air. He took the wren veilers away from Tubbo and held the small blonde creature by the scruff of their neck. He watched as they puffed out their wings and started scratching at the air in front of them.

Sapnap finally came back and started handing towels to Tubbo so he could try and get some of what was left of the saliva off of him. The brunette happily took the towels and began to dry himself off as he was put back down on the ground. Ranboo, now feeling much calmer and knowing his friend wasn't in danger, slowly began to shrink back down to his human size and actually looked human again.

"Well now that you have your boy back may I have mine?" Philza asked, walking over to Ranboo and holding his arms out. The enderman slowly handed the small squirming blonde over- and jumped as Tubbo suddenly snatched him back.

"Oh hell no! This little shit owes me a bunch of pictures for getting me eaten by a fucking bear!" Tubbo explained as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the simple camera that somehow survived the journey into and out of a werebear’s storage stomach. The raven avian glared a bit at Tubbo but instantly backed down as he saw how livid the human looked.

"Um, then when you are done taking pictures of Tommy, you can bring him to me at the front of the cave. Come, Techno." Philza quickly made his way out of the cave, definitely wanting to get away from Tubbo. Techno followed close behind, chuckling a little as he saw 'Tommy' making a pleading face to be saved.

Tubbo grumbled to himself as he went over to one of the corners of the cave and carefully set Tommy down there. The wren veilers started striking different poses as pictures were taken of him. Tubbo was desperately just trying to get this over with.

"You picked a good one," Sapnap stated as he smiled up at his son. Ranboo simply smiled as he watched Tubbo take even more pictures of the lil wren veilers.

"Yeah… Yeah I did." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been roughly 2 years since Tubbo had gone camping for the first time with his partner’s family and they were slowly making their way up to the cave they now regularly used whenever they stayed in the snowy area where they could find wren veilers. Tubbo was, of course, the first to notice the bushes near them wrestling and slowly reached into his jacket, pulling out a small bag of beef jerky.

And, as usual whenever he did this, a small blonde creature lunged at him and he slowly stepped to the side, letting the little thing fall into a pile of snow. Tommy's legs now stuck out of the ground and viciously kicked at the open sky above them.

"Why do you constantly tease him like that?" Ranboo asked, helping poor Tommy out of the snow and holding him upright. He kept a firm hold on the guy's wings so he didn't lunch at Tubbo again.

"I'm still mad at him for getting me eaten by a werebear," Tubbo explained as he opened the bag of jerky and gave one of the smaller pieces to Tommy, who of course devoured the piece of jerky.

"Tubbo that was over 2 years ago now-"

"And I will never forgive my vore buddy for getting me eaten by a werebear!" Tubbo snapped as he put the jerky away and happily took Tommy into his arms.

"Oh… so you don't want to stay-"

"I still plan on sleeping in your storage tonight. It's way too fucking cold out here to not take advantage of it." Tubbo took Ranboo's hand and started pulling him along as they continued their walk towards the cave.

Ranboo simply smiled down at the two, wrapping his arm around Tubbo's shoulder and holding him close. He quietly listened to his partner arguing with Tommy and still found it quite funny that Tubbo still didn't fully understand why Tommy smelled so bad.

Maybe he should get him a few books on normal animals and stop filling his shelves with cryptozoology books.

[mixedmindhypnosis]

Hypnosis: Obstacles

What is an Obstacle?

An obstacle is something that hinders or prevents you from achieving a goal.

Example 1

Once I gave a play partner a suggestion that they would feel restraints preventing them from moving their arms.

When checking if the suggestion had worked my partner told me that they felt like they weren't really restrained as they could just will themselves to move.

They told me that they were very competitive and if there's a challenge, they like to overcome it. Knowing this, and still wanting to make the suggestion work, I had to find another way to make it work and keep them from growing too competitive.

In the end I gave them an additional suggestion that made them feel so good that they couldn't think about pushing against the suggestion.

Discussion

When doing hypnosis obstacles can occur in different places. There are many different difficulties you might encounter, but most of them can be overcome or bypassed in some way.

When doing hypnosis, you might discover obstacles/difficulties when:

going into trance

staying in trance

make suggestions work

...

Going into Trance

This is a difficulty some people that start playing and practicing hypnosis struggle with. At the start especially when you don't know what trance feels like it can be hard to know that you are in trance or that your subject is in trance.

If this is difficult for you something that can be a great help is your play partner. If you as a subject have trouble knowing if you are in trance, ask your hypnotist if they can point out when they notice changes in you that could be a sign of trance. If you as the hypnotist are unsure if your play partner is in trance, ask your subject after the trance how they know they are in trance or while still in trance ask them to smile or give a sign when they feel that they are in trance.

Something else that can come up that you worry that you'll fall asleep. In this case try hypnosis while standing. Keeping yourself from falling asleep can be distracting and might hinder you from going into trance. For some people going into trance can even feel like dozing off in some way.

Another thing might be that it just doesn't seem to work. In this case, and just in general, it's worth a try to talk with your hypnotist about how you feel when you let go... do you feel heavy or light? Is your head empty or do you feel your thoughts just rushing through without sticking? This might help your hypnotist adjust an induction to fit you and your experience of letting go. The more your hypnotists’ words reflect how it feels for you the easier it is to experience trance.

Staying in Trance

Sometimes while you might be perfectly able to go into trance it is difficult to stay in it. There are many different things that can disrupt or even pull you out of trance.

Noise, music, and unexpected sounds can make it more difficult to go into or stay in a trance for some people. While it can happen, that certain sounds attract your attention this is completely fine and normal when you’re in trance for a longer amount of time, so don't worry about if it shifts for a moment. Think of it as you trying to check if everything’s alright and after noticing it's not worth your attention you can just fall back into trance.

Something that holds your attention, like music, can be more challenging. For some people this is no problem as they just completely block out anything, but the voice of the hypnotist, but for others music can be very distracting. Just like anything you can hear other senses can, but don't have to, disrupt a trance. Take this into account when planning sessions or playing at a party.

One thing that could help here is to take some time to focus on things that could be distracting. Just focus on what's around the sounds, smells, light, ... and get used to it so you can just let it fade into the background, knowing it's not important or interesting.

This is something that makes for an interesting blend of fixation and overload induction as you can ask a subject to focus on all those things at once.

Example 2

One time I got very distracted by music while I had someone else in trance. My mind was constantly thinking, what if the music is too loud or they can't let go because of it. The fact that it was very epic orchestral music didn't help these thoughts either.

When I talked to my play partner after the trance, they told me that they didn't even hear it and it didn't bother them at all.

From this I learned that sometimes also the hypnotist can be distracted and it's best to just talk about what the ideal place to do hypnosis at is and try to recreate that place if possible.

Another thing that might influence your ability to stay in trance is your general well-being and state of mind. Some days you just have thoughts racing or something that's just constantly on your mind. On these occasions you might find it more difficult to stay in trance as thoughts keep appearing.

It's important to keep in mind that you can't just magically turn off those thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge how you feel and what keeps you thinking, accepting that you might just not be as clear-headed this day can really help to make it easier to let go then trying to bottle it up.

Make Suggestions Work

Suggestions and them working is amazing and show's how incredible the human brain is. While you can do a lot with suggestions, there are limits, some are fixed others can be bent or broken.

There are suggestions that are more difficult to do, like amnesia, and others that are less difficult, like making a body part stuck to something else, but this is something that can be different for every person. While someone might be very good at amnesia suggestions another one is very good at catalepsy suggestions.

Hypnosis and suggestibility can be learned so it's very common that someone new to being in trance might not be able to do certain things, while an experienced person can do very complex things.

When you want to make a suggestion work think about what your goal is, maybe it doesn’t need to be this suggestion or can be achieved with something that's way easier for the subject. For example, a lot of amnesia themed things are not necessarily about the amnesia itself but about the subject being surprised when it happens and not knowing when it will happen. In this case you could just suggest and build up an expectation and that they will not know when it happens.

It is very difficult to make a brain do things it isn't used to doing, so slowly building it up or trying to work around the obstacle can be an easier way than to forcefully repeat until it works.

You can find an overview of the post series here.

Also feel free to follow me on FetLife for more kinky content.

[cljordan-imperium]

hey! this is chance & here’s week 2's prompt. when you write or create an oc, do you like to reference elements from your life? if yes, name a few. if no, why not?

I'm still working on last week's prompt because it turned into a fic and my blorbo is being very particular about it. Now, this is a sticky question because I do not create my OC's. To say I do would give the impression I have ANY control over the process, I do not. Let me elaborate

They appear. When I try to have control ove rthe process, I get very flat and one dimensional characters and that is normally ok because I'm going to kill them. The rest, they showed up fully formed and as they are. Jasper, for instance. Jasper is less than a week old and he is...JASPER all the way. He showed up with his English accent telling me what his personality was like and that he looked like Klaus from the Originals and if I tried to make him any different he would shut up on me. He also told me that he and Annabella were old friends who had a sarcasticly flirty rapport, but that they were no more than very close friends, platonic love.

Now, do I reference elements from my life in my writing that these OC's are part of. YES. I stick to locations I know so that the writing is somewhat believable. I am in New Orleans at least once a month. I know the sights, the sounds, and (and anyone from there can tell you) the smells. I can tell instantly reading a fic about New Orleans if someone has been there. How? The way they describe it. And if it is wrong, I'm done instantly. SO, I stick with places I can describe with some amount of legitimacy.

To that, I may add fictional streets, stores, even suburbs to my writing in much the same way that Stephen King did with Maine. However, I keep my cities true to where they are, because that is how I write. I will not write a city I have not been too. I find it frustrating and anxiety causing. Same with foods. I will only have them eat foods that I have eaten. Given that I am not afraid to try anything once, and have found out what I'm allergic to the very hard way, there isn't much they don't eat. As far as alcohol goes, the character normally determines what and how much they drink as well as the setting. I have drank different amounts and kinds of alcohol over the years, so again I can draw from experience. When it comes to poisons, I do stick to reference texts for obvious reasons.

Thank you for asking!!

[miras-ash]

Chapter 15 of "Just as the stars love the night"

Mira's pov

Our small group rode further back in the caravan, right next to us the car in which Doc and Ace were sitting. Hibana had informed them about the current situation. Gustave was on standby, he would have to take care of Eliza alone for the time being since Ace had to take care of the rest of the injured. A short time later we arrived at the airfield, I quickly got out and ran up the stairs at the end of which Kali was already waiting for me. She immediately led me to the cabin or rather the office where Eliza was. I rushed in and sat down next to her. She was pale and shaking while she reached for my hands to put them on her belly.

"Something's wrong, she won't come out. Lena help me!"

Her voice sounded pained, I could hardly imagine what she must be feeling and I didn't know how I could or should help her.

"Doc was right behind me, he'll be right there I promise. Then everything will be fine, okay? Come let me get you ready."

I got Eliza into a lying position and started to take off her shoes and pants, even as I pulled them down I saw the blood running down her legs, due to the dark color of the pants it hadn't been noticeable before. This was not good, I knew that much.

"Shit! Kali please go see where Gustave is!"

Just as she had left the room Doc came in. He put his bag down, put on new gloves and asked me to step aside. He began to examine Eliza as best he could without professional instruments.

"Mira please go see if you can find some towels or clean rags and a bowl of water."

Reluctantly I left my wife who was about to deliver a child under complications but I had to help her too so I went. The narrow corridor was still crowded because everyone was getting in but when they saw me with a look that didn't bode well and all the blood on my hands, they quickly made room. Some of them wanted to know if they could help, among them Yumiko who looked at me very frightened. She could not be dissuaded and so she was close on my heels.

"Yumi we need clean cloths or something like that, I'll get some water. Liz is in the front of the little office, hurry up."

That's all she needed to know, immediately she was gone.

I was so grateful when I found Aruni and Amaru, they were in charge of supplies during an evacuation which meant they needed to know where I would get water.

Before I could even finish explaining, they took me with them. One floor below was the galley. They filled two large bowls, one with hot and one with cold water, and then helped me back to the office with them. Yumiko was already back, she had a big pile of towels with her, one of which she took and moistened to put on Liz's forehead. With another one she tried to wipe away the blood on her legs but it was useless, there was always more. We both looked at Doc almost simultaneously, he would help her, he just had to.

"Everyone who is not with Eliza please leave now. Yes you too."

With that he pointed at Hibana.

"I know she's your best friend but we have so little room in here already. If we need any help, we'll get right back to you."

Reluctantly, she left the room with Aruni and Amaru, the two of them trying to reason with her.

"Elena, I need you. I can't do this alone" Liz said in a shaky voice. Her eyes all red from crying.

"No way. I'm here, everything's going to be okay. It's going to be okay right?" My last question was directed to Gustave. Why is she bleeding so much? Everything had been fine so far, right?"

"I can't say for sure without an ultrasound but it's either a placenta previa or a uterine rupture," he announced in his usual specialist voice that he always displayed when he was absolutely focused.

"Gustave, please, in a way that normal people can understand."

"A placenta praevia is when the placenta is in front of the cervix and causes bleeding. A rupture of the uterus is pretty self explaining and judging by the amount of blood, I strongly suspect the second option. We need to get the birth over with as quickly as possible because the contractions are just pumping more blood out. I will have to induce the birth manually because neither her cervix is open enough nor has her water broken."

This was quite a lot to take in, my head was spinning but I had to be strong now. Eliza looked back and forth between Doc and me in a panic as she continued to try to bear the pain.

"I really hate to say this but it's not going to be pretty. I want you to trust me now" he looked at me urgently.

I just nodded. I knew Gustave was the best, of course I trusted him, blindly even. It just scared me what was coming up now.

"We have to position Liz a little differently now, I don't have enough room on the couch. Sit or preferably kneel down so she can rest her head more comfortably."

I did as instructed and Doc helped Eliza lay down on the floor. Her head now rested on my legs, her gaze fixed up at me. It hurt to see her like this, full of fear and so helpless. I dabbed her sweaty forehead again with a cool cloth and stroked her hair once more.

"Eliza, I know you are not ready but it won't get better if we wait any longer. I'm going to massage your cervix as gently as I can so it will open and hopefully break your water. Normally this doesn't hurt but since you are having these complications I can't promise anything."

Gustave gently spread her legs, inserted a finger inside her and with his other hand began to press on her abdomen. At first it looked like it was okay but when he started to move his finger and Eliza tensed up. Tears came to her eyes, she cried out and clawed her hands into the carpet. She squirmed back and forth in my arms, I would have liked to yell at Doc and push him away but instead I grabbed her shoulders and pushed her down gently but firmly. It had to be, her movements would only make it worse. I closed my eyes, too afraid of her reaction.

I don't know how much time had passed, it felt like an eternity when suddenly a soft noise was heard. First I thought it was just a cracking joint or something like that but when I felt liters of amniotic fluid spreading on the floor, I knew better. A small success.

The whole floor and the three of us were by now soaked with the mixture of blood and amniotic fluid that had spread among us. We laid out a few towels but that only helped to a limited extent.

Eliza started to squirm under me again and I relaxed a bit because her look had changed. In her anxious eyes I now also recognized determination.

She turned to Doc who slowly let go of her and said, "I can feel her, she's coming. But I can't do it like this."

Together we helped Eliza reposition herself again. She was now propping herself up on my shoulders while she squatted. Our faces were only centimeters apart and she looked at me pleadingly. I tightened my grip around her waist, giving her as much support as she needed and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"You can do this. You're the strongest person I know, time and time again you've proven that. Just hold on a little longer. I'm with you."

Together we did the breathing exercises she had learned from Hibana, she clung to me and threw her head into my neck as she gave one last squeeze and cried out. After that it was dead silent for a moment and Eliza slumped down until suddenly a soft whimpering could be heard. We both looked up at Doc who was holding the sweetest and smallest creature we had ever seen in his hands.

[zepskies]

Ooooh some great tension in this chapter! Ivy's fitting in just right in this camp...more or less. 😂

This time, I'm just going to go through my thoughts as I had them while reading:

First off, I liked her meeting with Risa. It showed a slightly softer side to Ivy that was refreshing.

“Woah, quite the grip.” She grinned as I let go.  “Oh, uh, sorry.” I chuckled nervously. 

I like that little flash of vulnerability. Makes me think she's had to be "hard" for so long, she's kind of forgotten how to be softer/"normal."

“You’re a damn good shot, I mean, that was-“  “Suicide!” A man who was only an inch taller than me popped up, looking outraged. “Do you know what Dean’s gonna say when he sees a bullet missing-“ His eyes landed on me, and he looked confused. “Risa, who is this?” 

😂😂 That was a great way to introduce Chuck! Love his interjection there.

“I lived, clearly.” I chuckled. “Besides, I had my uncle to help with the worst of it. Until we got separated, and I had to quite literally fend for myself out there.”  We sat in silence for a moment, which was all I needed, if I’m bein’ honest.

I liked this moment as well. Though I think you could've gone a little deeper with this, get us into Ivonne's thoughts and her internal world. I would love to see more windows into her vulnerability. Does she feel alone, having to take care of herself for so long? Is there a part of her that craves this companionship? Possibly a friend in Risa, or at least an ally to watch her back?

“Then rationin’ it out is gonna be extremely difficult. With the amount of people in this camp and enough food to last a week, the women and children are gonna have everythin’.” I frowned. “You need to send out a squad for supply retrieval. Nearest abundance of food I know’s in Missouri.” 

This is an interesting point she makes, and how you develop it into a conflict (and a future conflict with Dean). It made for some great drama.

“We need Dean’s permission for that.” James raised an eyebrow, turning to me. “And he’s on a mission, left this mornin’.”  “Not nearly enough time. He’s hittin’ a Croat hotspot, he could be back after a week and by that time we’ll be in crisis. Scramble a team of semi-automatic experts, take a Jeep, hit Missouri, it’s the only option.”

So maybe this is just a personal preference of mine, but I'd be careful of overusing stylistic dialogue in every line (bolded above). It can veer into becoming distracting for a reader. I try to use things like that strategically, when it's important to create inflection in a character's voice when they're speaking or thinking internally.

“With absolutely no respect whatsoever, I think he made a good call.” I stepped in with a frown, folding my arms. 

Lmfao I loved this line! 🤣

“Oh, yeah, I do.” I nodded. “Cause you’re in no position to order me around, since there’s clearly a power imbalance here.” 

Lol, so she's probably right, but maybe she could have a little more self-preservation here? I get that she's very sure of herself as a character, and she's very skilled in general.

But when you have characters that are very self-assured and good at what they do, they still need vulnerabilities and weaknesses to help us relate to her as readers. (And, to make her more human.)

For example, is she aware that her pride (and her mouth) might get her in serious trouble someday, but Dean's pissing her off so much that she just doesn't care in this moment? Logically, does she know that she could be a little more tactful and strategic in this camp she doesn't know, and is still an outsider here? etc.

Also, as smart as she seems to be, Dean is very smart as well. He wouldn't be the leader of this camp if he wasn't. So I would show more of the balance there as well between them.

My overall feedback is I think you're doing a great job of setting the tone and the setting itself of this Endverse world! I'm intrigued by Ivy's mysterious immunity, and how she and Dean are right now grating on each other lol.

My overall advice is as you continue this story and draw out her eventual connection with Dean, try to reveal more of who Ivonne is. Find moments to make your readers relate to her: her wants, her fears, her strategy for navigating this camp, and in the future, her potential feelings for Dean. And how she may try to deny them at first, considering vulnerability is often difficult for characters like her, and especially for Dean.

(And just a small formatting thing: I would include a "Read More" line break like I did for this review. Not only does it shorten the post, but it also encourages readers to "click to read more" when you place the line break in a strategic place.)

Awesome job, hun! Keep up the great work here. ❤️

𝚍𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚜 | 𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚎!𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚗 𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛 | 𝟸

Summary: Ivonne Rainer hadn’t met Dean Winchester in 2006 after he was hit by a car. No, this time, this universe, they met in 2010, when the whole Apocalypse deal started and Dean was made leader of one of the only remaining survival camps in America. Little did he know, one random raid would change everything.

MASTERLIST

RETRIEVAL

“So…” I was approached by woman my age, her brown hair tied up in a sleek ponytail. “you must be the new arrival. Dean really has a problem with you.” 

I cocked a rifle, passing it to another camper, James Rhodes, who took it, checked it and nodded, seemingly impressed. “That’s me, yeah.” I nodded, folding my arms. “Though I’m usually known as Ivy.” 

“Ivy.” She repeated, then held her hand out with a smile. “Risa.” 

“Nice to meet you.” I responded with a small smile twitching at my lips, then I saw her still-outstretched hand and shook it hurriedly. 

“Woah, quite the grip.” She grinned as I let go. 

“Oh, uh, sorry.” I chuckled nervously. 

“Nah, you’re good.” Then she smiled again. “I don’t see what Dean meant about you being a pain in the ass. You seem like you aren’t.” 

“Just depends on who I’m hangin’ with.” 

“Touché. Dean can be an irritating S.O.B, but you learn to ignore when he’s being a douche after a while.” 

“Promise?” I smirked, making her laugh. I laughed too, feeling at ease around this… Risa. 

“Hey, uh, Risa?” James interrupted the conversation, slinging a gun clip holster on his chest. “I’m about to head out with the squad to Missouri. I know the boss told me to keep an eye on Ivy here, but-“ 

“Oh, so I need surveillance now?” I raised an eyebrow, pissed off. “This guy’s askin’ to get decked.” 

“Believe me, he is, but it’s just how Dean rolls.” Risa chuckled, then led me away. “You’ll have a much better time hanging around me. I’ll introduce you to the campers, get you started on something, and we’ll all be smiles and giggles.” 

“I hope not.” I laughed. 

“Yeah, neither do I.” She grinned. “Just a few things. Stay away from the hippie cabin at 3 o’clock, it gets hot an’ heavy in there and nobody wants to hear it. If you wanna earn Dean’s trust, you have to save his ass, but he doesn’t let anyone save his ass so you just kiss that sweet thing goodbye. And one last thing…” She rounded on me, “can you shoot?” 

“I’ll fire a bullseye if you give me a target.”

”Alright.” She picked up a shotgun, handing it to me. “There’s a red dot on the wall behind you. Don’t think, just shoot.” I immediately spun around, my eyes locking onto the red dot. The moment I got a visual, I pulled the trigger, hitting it dead on. “Damn!” 

“Eh, it’s nothin’.” I chuckled, handing the gun back. 

“You’re a damn good shot, I mean, that was-“ 

“Suicide!” A man who was only an inch taller than me popped up, looking outraged. “Do you know what Dean’s gonna say when he sees a bullet missing-“ His eyes landed on me, and he looked confused. “Risa, who is this?” 

“Right, I forgot to mention.” Risa gestured to me with a grimace. “Chuck, this is Ivonne Rainer, she’s new here. Ivy, this is Chuck ‘Prophet of the Lord’ Shirley. However, a prophet isn’t much use in an apocalypse. They’re only gonna spell D-O-O-M.” 

“At least I’m the rations organiser! What are you, the boss’ woman?” 

“Exactly.” Risa smirked before tapping me on the shoulder, leading me away. “That’s Chuck for you. He gets a bit sensitive sometimes. Anyway, Dean gets really touchy with the supplies and stuff, goes through ‘em himself to make sure nothin’s missing.” 

“If he’s gonna freak out over a bullet, give me a bit o’ metal and a heat source, I’ll forge a new one.” I grinned, and Risa raised her eyebrows.

I held up a freshly-forged bullet, examining it for a second before putting it in the cartridge. Risa looked on in surprise, and nodded in disbelief. “You did it.” 

“Yep.” I nodded, replacing the cartridge in the gun and cocking it before throwing it aside. “I’m prepared in a dire sitch. The boss won’t suspect a thing, so you’re safe.” 

“My god, you’re amazing.” She laughed in disbelief, looking at me in awe. “Just where did Dean dig you up from, huh, lifesaver?” 

“Jersey City.” I smiled. 

“Wait- that’s a Croat hotspot.” She sat up suddenly, her jaw dropping. “How long were you there?” 

“Two years.” 

“And you survived?! No bites? You’re not one of ‘em, right?” 

“I’m immune.” I shrugged, frowning a bit. “Never figured out why, but I’ve been bitten at, scratched, and never came out with a single goddamn piece of sulphur in my blood. It’s relievin’, but unsettlin’.” 

“Unsettling? That’s a damn blessing.” 

“It’s that I don’t know where they come from.” I sighed, looking down. “They just came to me when I was nineteen. No explanation, no nothin’, all I knew is that they were there.” 

“Damn, that’s…” She trailed off, frowning. “that’s rough.” 

“I lived, clearly.” I chuckled. “Besides, I had my uncle to help with the worst of it. Until we got separated, and I had to quite literally fend for myself out there.” 

We sat in silence for a moment, which was all I needed, if I’m bein’ honest.

“So…” I heard someone chuckle, and I turned to see James. “I heard you were the new thing pissing Dean Winchester off.” 

“That’s me.” I smirked. “And I wear that like a badge of honour.” Then I looked him up and down, thinking. Dude had a really good body, that was enough to tell under the strained khaki shirt that made his frame look more impressive and complimented his green eyes, paired with fluffy black hair. “Nice build. You ex-military or somethin’?” 

“Uh, no.” He chuckled nervously, running a hand through his hair. “I used to be a detective sergeant. The muscles just came with the job.” 

“You used to be a cop?” I grinned, then saluted jokingly. “Thanks for your service.” 

“No problem. What about you? Any job before this?” 

“Hunting, and more hunting, and more hunting-“ 

“With hunting as the cherry on top.” He joked. 

“That’s right.” 

“James!” Chuck came running up, frantically looking at a clipboard. “I’d ask Dean, but he’s out on a mission. We’re running low on edibles, how should we ration?” 

“Women and children first.” James answered instantly, and I listened carefully. “Then ration with the elders, afterwards divvy it out to the rest.” 

“Wait, Chuck,” I frowned, “how much is left? How much food?”

”Not enough to last a week.” Chuck replied.

“Then rationin’ it out is gonna be extremely difficult. With the amount of people in this camp and enough food to last a week, the women and children are gonna have everythin’.” I frowned. “You need to send out a squad for supply retrieval. Nearest abundance of food I know’s in Missouri.” 

“We need Dean’s permission for that.” James raised an eyebrow, turning to me. “And he’s on a mission, left this mornin’.” 

“Not nearly enough time. He’s hittin’ a Croat hotspot, he could be back after a week and by that time we’ll be in crisis. Scramble a team of semi-automatic experts, take a Jeep, hit Missouri, it’s the only option.”

“The boss is gonna be pissed.” Chuck scoffed. “And how do we know your plan is valid?” 

“It actually works.” James agreed, nodding with a disbelieving look. “We’ve got enough men on hand to form a scavenge team, and Missouri’s the nearest state that we haven’t hit and isn’t a Croat infested wasteland.” 

“Not my fault if your ass gets busted by Dean.” 

“I don’t think it matters.” I retorted. “If people are starvin’, you need to do what’s necessary, not what the doctor ordered. Get a team together and send it out, see if I’m wrong.” 

“You are.” 

“Try me.” 

Winchester’s Jeep came back a week later with the med supplies, unloading them quickly. I looked up from where I was busy hauling a duffel bag, and the first thing he noticed was the people eating in a corner, his eyebrow raising. Then he turned to Chuck, conversing with him for a moment before I pinpointed the exact moment he saw red. His nostrils flared, jaw clenching along with his fist. I turned to James, sharing a look with him. 

We’re screwed. 

“JAMES!” Winchester yelled, now sipping a beer can. “RAINER! YOUR ASSES, MY TENT, NOW!” I rolled my eyes, running a hand through my hair as Risa whistled lowly. 

“Boss man seems mad.” She whispered. “Better go before he gets more pissed off. I’ll take that.” She took a hold of the duffel bag, and James and I made our way into Winchester’s tent, where he was standing there, cocking his rifle in a way that would seem threatening to a wuss. 

“You.” He pointed at James, who instantly stood straighter, the latter’s Adam’s apple bobbing. “You’re my second for a reason. Without contacting me, you authorised a raid that could have gone south so quickly. What got into you, huh?! Are you thick? Or a dumbass?” 

“With all due respect, boss, we would have starved.” James answered calmly, which seemed to aggravate Winchester even more. 

“That’s besides the point! What if we’d lost men? If someone had gotten turned? That blood would be on your hands, no one else’s!”

“With absolutely no respect whatsoever, I think he made a good call.” I stepped in with a frown, folding my arms. 

“I’m getting to you.” He snapped, pointing at me before rounding back on James. However, I wasn’t gonna take that for an answer. 

“I’m afraid you‘ll have to deal with me now.” I retorted, setting my jaw. “Fact remains that I suggested the only plan that worked in your absence when you were gone a week, and your second in command, the one who’s makin’ the decisions when you’re not here, led a squad, and they got back. Alive. Now people have food and water and they can remain sane. I don’t see how that’s a problem for you, or anyone, for that matter.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Ooh, make me.” 

He pulled his gun out, pointing it at me. “Do not make me pull this trigger-“ 

“Dean!” James yelled, stepping in front of me. “Are you insane?!” 

“She’s a smartass!” 

“Hey, hey, put it down!” 

“You don’t give the orders!” 

“To hell with orders!” James retaliated, making me raise an eyebrow. Damn, boy. “She helped. She made the layout for the strike squad. She’s a smartass, sure, but she’s a useful smartass. A really damn useful one, because we could use an immune and/or psychic person right now.” 

“All the more reason for me to blow her brains out. She’s a goddamn psychic, and I haven’t had the best experiences with those bastards.” 

“Just see goddamn reason!” He persisted, holding his hands out. “Look, if she starts to go insane, or whatever it is happened with the rest of people like her, I’ll shoot her myself.” 

I snorted. “As if you could-“ 

“Work with me here.” 

“Fine.” 

“Just…” James left a pause as he tried to find the words, “give her a chance.” Winchester paused for a moment, then lowered the gun, not without giving me a steely warning look. 

“Ok.” He nodded, glancing at me briefly, “But you’re keepin’ her in check. If she steps out of line, it’s your ass.” 

“Again, with no due respect, I can handle myself.” I scoffed. “You don’t need to post a bodyguard on me every five seconds.” 

He let out a dark chuckle, his lips pursing when he stopped. “You’re actin’ like you have a choice.�� 

“Oh, yeah, I do.” I nodded. “Cause you’re in no position to order me around, since there’s clearly a power imbalance here.” 

The words made him stop and rethink, and then he gritted his teeth. “Get out.” 

“Gladly.” I smirked, walking out gratefully, happy to be away from that- “Douchebag.” 

“Jackass.” Dean growled under his breath. 

Well, that couldn’t have gone better.

[lilietsblog]

so whenever Russian characters crop up in American/English-speaking media theres a very noticable thing where writers v often dont understand patronymics and full names.

Now, there’s two gradations of “full name” that are in use here. There is the “FIO” full name, or SGP perhaps (surname, given name, patronymic), and there is the full given name.

As an example, let’s take Ivanov Ivan Ivanovich.

Ivanov is the surname. You can tell bc of hte -ov suffix at the end. (Not the only one possible but a pretty decent indication something is a surname when it is there)

Ivan is the given name. You can tell bc Russian has a set (an expansive one) of given names and this is one of them, one of the most historically popular at that.

Ivanovich is the patronymic, it can be translated as “son of Ivan”. You can tell bc of the “ovich” suffix. There is also “evich” and for at least one name just “ich”. Colloquially they will also get shortened into just “ych” making the variation “Ivanych”. (”Y” is the letter used for transliteration of a sound that doesn’t exist in English but is considered fairly close to “i’)

To be clear, “Ivanov Ivan Ivanych” is the exact same person as “Ivanov Ivan Ivanovich”, this is hte exact same name, the only thing that changes is how formal the speaker is being about it.

Female suffixes are “evna” and “ovna”. Anna Petrovna, Anna Fadeevna. There is also “ichna” for at least one name and an antiquated “ishna” which is the colloquial alternative in some cases. Anna Fadeevna = Anna Fadeishna. This IS antiquated tho.

Coming back to our Ivanov Ivan Ivanovich, this is the “FIO” form of his name, the way it will be put on formal documents that require one’s full name. The “Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov” form is also acceptable, its just not the order you write on documents in. The patronymic (Ivanovich) always comes after the full given name (Ivan), the surname can be stuck on either side of that.

The traditional respectful address to someone you know is the full given name + patronymic. Ivan Ivanovich! Could you come over here? It’s used with plural/formal “you”. This form is also becoming obsolete in recent years but if you’re writing mid-20th-century or characters of middle age+ Ivan Ivanovich is the name to go.

(Note the difference from the address + surname form in English: Dr. Smith or Mr Smith etc. In Russian this form does not exist except several centuries back or in very very impersonal century back “citizen Ivanov” that like a policeman would use to address you. Not anyone you actually know personally. Schoolchildren will often not know their teachers’ surnames because they are all Ivan Ivanovich to them.)

Now I keep saying “Ivan” is the FULL given name. The short given name from “Ivan” is “Vanya”. This is a set linguistic fact - the set of given names in Russian is factually two linked sets, a set of full given names and a set of short given names. Some short given names can  be short from several full given names, some full given names can have several short names (a person will usually pick one to use). A short given name doesn’t go anywhere on formal documents. It just follows from your full given name naturally, like conjugation. Some full given names (Gleb, Oleg, Diana, Vera) are short enough to be used as short given names too and so don’t realy have assigned short counterparts. In fact Vera can be both a full name on its own - Ivanova Vera Ivanovna - and short for Veronica - Ivanova Veronica Ivanovna.

Short names are formed through a variety of rules. There are basic requirements for the form they take as a result though. Full given names can have “complicated” consonant pairs together: Dmitriy, Aleksandr, Pavla, Anna. Short names are “simple” will almost always go consonant-vowel. Dmitriy -> Dima, Aleksandr -> Sasha, Alik or Shura (don’t ask how that last one happened, it’s a miracle of absurdity, but it’s one of the traditional shortenings), Pavla -> Pasha (well, Pavla is a rare name, you hear Pasha and you usually assume Pavel, the male name), Anna -> Anya. (”y” is not a consonant here, “ya” is a vowel sound English doesnt really have)

(As an exception to the consonant-vowel rule, when there’s a consonant pair the second of which is “l” it’s usually kept together in the short name - it’s just very simple to the Russian ear / tongue. Vladislav - Vlad or Slava, for example)

Often a name will be formed fully from the syllables / consonants of the full name, give or take changing the last vowel to the gender neutral “a”/”ya” (It will either be “a”/”ya” or a consonant). Vladimir -> Vlad, Ruslana -> Lana, Tatiana -> Tanya, Anna -> Anya, Katerina -> Katya, Dmitriy -> Dima or Mitya, Ivan -> Vanya. And then there’s the “sha” suffix tacked on as the second syllable: Pavel -> Pasha, Natalia -> Natasha or Tasha, Daria -> Dasha, Aleksandr -> Sasha, etc.

So long as they conform to these rules, you can kind of make them up. Though considering the whole of history, you’re not super likely to make up something that hasn’t been made up before you. Anna historically speaking turns into Anya, Nyura, Nyusha... -shudders-

So how are short names actually used?

As an implication of familiarity/subordination, that’s how. For the weebs in the audience, you know the ‘-chan’ suffix in Japanese? Kind of exactly like that. Japanese has more nuances, but generally if you wouldn’t call someone -chan, you shouldn’t call them by their short name. (Unless they specifically asked you to, but I think that’s a thing in Japanese too)

Short names are never paired with patronymics. The steps of formality in address are basically “Ivan Ivanovich” => “Ivan” => “Vanya”.

(There’s also formal you, so to be completely clear: “Ivan Ivanovich” (formal you) => “Ivan” (formal you) => “Vanya” (formal you) => “Vanya” (informal you). If someone is getting called their full given name + informal you, it’s either implying antiquity - pre 20th century - or they’re using their full given name as their short given name.)

You call your children and siblings by short names. You call your friends by short names. You MIGHT call your employees, especially if they are sufficiently young, or if you’ve known them for a long time and the “familiarity” part applies, by short names.

SHORT NAMES ARE NOT FORMAL. This is important. Nobody has “Natasha” written in their passport (unless I guess they were making new documents in America or something from scratch and didn’t use any old ones as basis of establishing idenity so could make up whatever. It’s still weird! It’s like having “Johnny-boy” written in your passport!)

SHORT NAMES ARE OFTEN GENDERED BUT YOU CANNOT TELL HOW WITHOUT KNOWING THE CORRESPONDING FULL NAME. “Pasha” and “Misha” are both male names becaus they are short from “Pavel” and “Mikhail”. Of course you could have a Pavla or a Mikhaila, but the former is very rare and the latter is probably a foreign Mykaila Russianified or something. In these cases it’s usually considered normal to assume gender, even if there’s a tiny chance you could be wrong.

PATRONYMICS ARE NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES INTERCHANGEABLE WITH SURNAMES. You have the same surname as your family members, but if you have the same patronymic, either you’re siblings or there are multiple people with the same given name in your immediate family, which is slightly odd. A patronymic is formed from your father’s name by unambiguous and definite rules. Foreign names can be turned into patronymics easily. (Though kids of foreign citizens can get whatever their parents want on their birth certificate - patronymic by the rules of one of the parents’ home country, no patronymic at all, whatever) Surnames are surnames and work the same way they work anywhere else.

PATRONYMICS AND SURNAMES ARE NOT CONNECTED IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER. Any surname goes with any patronymic same as it goes with any given name. Except for the obvoius “statistically likely to be from the same culture” part. (Your “Russian” character could have Georgian, Ukrainian, Armenian, Lithuanian, Bielorussian, Kazakh, Tatar descent, descent from any number of indigenous cultures on the territory of Russia that I personally never heard about until I started translating documents in high amounts and stumbling upon them. Russia is an empire!) But even that’s just statistics - you could have a Tsukino Farha Bogdanovna and I’d just go “that’s a fascinating family history right there”.

GOOGLE RUSSIAN GIVEN NAMES, DON’T MAKE THEM UP. And pay attention if something is marked as “diminutive” - that means it’s a short name, and it will not be used on formal documents or in conjunction with a patronymic. Go for the name it’s diminutive for and just have the character ask everyone to use their short name if you want - it’s trendy these days.

There’s all kinds of fuckery going on with name use on the margins - some old people will call their close friends the “patronymic + informal you” construction. (Actually it’s a “Russian babushka” stereotype that actually exists within the culture. And if anyone ever uses the “short name + patronymic” form irl it’s this category of people, though I’d imagine only in third person) Some bosses or even teachers will invite their students to call them by their short name (I am so deeply uncomfortable with this). Age is often the difference between a Vanya and an Ivan Ivanovich in the same situation.

All patronymics and a good share of surnames conjugate by gender! “Ivanov” and “Ivanova” are the exact same surname, but a guy will have the former writen in their documents and a gal would have the latter. If you legally change your gender that letter changes too. (No, there’s no gender neutral form. Some surnames, like those ending in -enko, just don’t do this, but those that do are at all times one or the other) I guess expatriates a couple of generations down could have whatever going on, but if you have an actually-born-in-Russia “Ivanova Ivan Ivanovna” that means “Ivan” is a girl with a male name for some fucking reason. Name gendering is just tradition, patronymic gendering is grammar. (And if you have an “Ivanova Ivan Ivanovich” that’s just someone making a typo) (Maybe our hypothetical Ivanova Ivan Ivanovna transitioned and liked her birth name so much, she decided to not even go for Ivanna or something else plausible, Ivan or bust. Officials would probably just shrug and go with it lmao)

Oh, and in less formal lists and situations, surname + short given name is a classical combination. When I call my grandboss, surname + short given name is how I introduce myself, because I’m much younger and much subordinate so short name it is, but she’s under no obligation to identify me from my given name so surname it is. (To people who I expect to remember my name but who weren’t expecting me to call, just surname is good, but to people who can connect my surname with my identity but probably don’t remember my given name immediately & exactly from that, giving also the form of given name they address me by is the reasonable person thing to do)

If I were introducing myself in the “Hi! I’m Tsukino Usagi!” anime intro format, I’d go for “Short given name + surname”. Short name is usually the one people think of as their personal identity as it’s whatt their close circle will have been calling them for their entire life, and ACTUALLY it’s normal for the surname to come after the given name. In a book citation of “famous doctor X did Y” they will probably be “famous doctor fullgivenname-patronymic-surname”. For a Russian speaker, switching between Japanese name order and English name order is not a difficulty, but we WILL be distressed by not being able to tell which is which and therefore which it is on sight )=

MARVEL COMICS WALL OF SHAME

- Natasha Alianovna Romanova. First, “Romanov” is not a common surname, it’s the surname of the royal family, it’s like a random English guy being called “Tudor”. Well, it’s plausible, it IS formed by the classic “common given name + -ov” rule, but Roman isn’t even that common a name (and not exactly Russian), and... well. It’s just weird. I don’t think there’s good chances for it to have come into existence as such historically WHEN IT WAS THE RULING FAMILY SURNAME. Second! Natasha is a short name! She should be Natalia/Natalya! Third... I mean I will not say Alian is not an existing male name, and I won’t even say it’s not used in any cultures that exist within Russia, but if they were aiming for “common Russian male name” they missed 180 degrees.

- Ilyana Rasputin. First, -in is a suffix that makes this surname adjective-ish, meaning it conjugates by gender, meaning she is RASPUTINA. Her brother is Rasputin. She is Rasputina. Second, again, I have heard of exactly one (1) guy with this surname, and it’s the same guy you’re thinking of right now. It is in no way, shape or form common, or reasonable to give to a character without making it a plot point. Third, Ilyana is not a Russian name that exists. Ilya is a male name, but there’s no female form. FOURTH, I distinctly remember reading a comic where she was calling her brothers “Piotr” and “Mikhail”. That’s their full names! I mean bonus points for actually finding the full names this time, but it’s extremely weird for their LITTLE SIBLING to use them! They should be Petya and Misha as far as her own speech is concerned!

P.S. “All Night Laundry” is a fantastic webcomic, but “Grandimir” is not a real name, “Grand” is not a Russian word root and will not be used in a name this way, you’re looking for “Velimir” or somethng (though that’s, like, a thousand years antiquated). Also while both the uncle and the nephew having the “Petrovich” patronymic is not that odd, Petr is not THAT rare a name and maybe their brother/father was Petr Petrovich... considering we never learn their surname, I seriously suspect the writer just confused a patronymic with a surname. Also, naming their dog the same name crosses the line into slightly weird. Who names a dog after their father? This is actually what prompted this...

[homo-ousios]

Watch list tag game!

Tagged by @benkaaoi <3

I have a discord server for organizing my life, and one channel on there is exclusively dedicated to keeping track of shows. If I were this organized about my research, the book would be published already. Oh well.

☼ Currently Watching (Binging)

Previous seasons of Take Guy Out Thailand (yt). Not only is it gay and stupid and a great way to listen to unscripted colloquial Thai, but Lek Davika is one of the podium leaders <3 Downside is almost no subtitles, but it'll really bootcamp your listening skills.

Merry Queer (gaga). After His Man finished airing last week, I went looking for other gay reality shows and found this. Obviously it's meant mostly to educate straight viewers, so it's very gender theory 101 and all, but you do get to learn a decent amount about queer history and culture in South Korea, which I found interesting. Plus, the stories are incredibly sweet.

☼ Currently Watching (Airing)

180 Degrees Longitude (gaga). This is excellent. I'm worried about how it will end because it's serious gay media, so it might be tragic. It's not protected by the bl/romcom genre conventions. I hate sad endings, so prayer circle for this one.

Minato's Laundromat (gaga). I hate age-gap romances, but this is done pretty considerately. It's a sweet, slow-paced, slice-of-life drama, and to me it's worth watching for Japanese practice.

In a similar vein, Takara to Amagi (gaga). Again, it uses a lot of tropes that I hate (infantilized uke, oh no sex is terrifying/so sorry for having a libido, we would rather die than communicate clearly, etc.). But Japan produces relatively little bl, and it's always short, so I just watch it anyway. I need listening practice and I refuse to watch anything hetero. They need to put out a second season of Rea(L)ove, with more queers this time.

Returning to Thailand, The Eclipse (yt). I like it well enough so far. It's weird to try to see First as a high school student after Not Me, but he's a delight to watch regardless. I like that GMMTV is producing this subgenre of queer-directed anti-establishment bl. Very cash money of them.

Vice Versa (yt). I'm trying y'all, but I just don't like this one very much. It's much more in GMMTV's normal mode: cute but sexless, and without much of substance to say. Which is fine obviously, romcoms don't need to say anything. Make as much gay cotton candy as you want. So long as someone else is making KinnPorsche, Not Me, and the Pornographer, I'll be happy.

Love in the Air (yt). I've actually only watched 1 ep of this, but I'll catch up eventually. I know everyone clutches their pearls about how problematic MAME's stuff is, but I've honestly never thought it was as bad as all that, and at least it's not boring.

☼ Rewatching:

I'm not rewatching anything at the moment. It's been a few weeks, so I might take KinnPorsche for another spin. I've also been thinking about rewatching Bad Buddy, just to try and figure out what everyone's so into. I mean I enjoyed the show when it aired, but to me it was just more GMMTV normie fluff. Perfectly nice, but forgettable. People are still posting about it though, so maybe I should give it another chance?

☼ Looking forward to

Be On Cloud's new movie. I have watched that trailer 900 times and I will watch it again.

The announcement of KinnPorsche season 2. Come on, Be On Cloud, I know you got me. Don't leave me hanging.

The Cherry Magic movie. Speaking of cute and sexless fluff. Whatever though, Kurodachi can give me diabetes for all I care. I just wanna see them live happily ever after.

GAP the series. Woahhh, lesbians.

Tagging: @liyazaki @nerasvalhalla @decaffeinatedmate @snake-and-mouse @bwatchesdramas @rythyme @bitacrytic @scarefox i mean literally whoever feels like it, i will read and like your post

[kingreywrites]

hopefully u don’t mind that I ask the same.. but the new Dream proposals?? I’d like to hear ur thoughts!! :))

Your opinion on _____?

I absolutely don't mind, there's like 70% of my brain devoted to the proposals always, and that's why this post is so long ghdhdhd apologies for that but i love them ur honour 😭💖

1st proposal: (BEA)

my beloved <3 ghdjdkd i know it's controversial but i just. feel like it's such well done conflict, that it could have been written so wrong for so many reasons but was SO well done and i actually love thinking about it. Honestly, this moment is kinda new dream's lowest point in the series, the one moment when their deep love for each other isn't enough to make them be on the same page, and the one moment when the "fairy tale" kinda stops and they really start building their relationship together and I!! LOVE THAT!! I also love how it all came to this, how their own issues made this possible (Rapunzel who has been raised to cater to someone else's happiness at her own personal cost all her life just cannot bring herself to admit anything about how she feels because Eugene is happy and she wants to keep it that way; Eugene who's given everything he could have wanted and more, and has his own abandonment issues to work through, just trying to secure this because he wants them both to be happy and he's scared that it won't last, and, in doing that, missing the discomfort Rapunzel is herself hiding.... that is very good conflict okay)

AND i also very very much love how it was resolved within the episode. We always say new dream is a very healthy relationship, and it's true but like it's the most obvious exactly when things are going wrong between them! They can communicate when they're happy and nothing is happening, but that proposal shows that even when there is a serious conflict between them, even when they actually did not manage to communicate well and Eugene fucked up and put Rapunzel in a tough spot, THEY ARE STILL ABLE TO TALK IT OUT, APOLOGIZE AND ACTIVELY WORK ON THEMSELVES TO MAKE SURE THIS WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. Sorry for the caps but holy shit. Eugene's apology at the end is such an amazing scene because he acknowledges what he did wrong, he apologises, he also stops rapunzel from apologising because he knows it's not her fault, and then he admits that he still needs to work on himself to understand what went wrong, that not everything is magically fixed because he said sorry, and he tells her exactly what course of action he's gonna take and i just ghdjdk THE FACT THAT THIS PROPOSAL CAN BE USED AS ANTI NEW DREAM BY SOME PEOPLE WHEN IT EXACTLY SHOWS HOW AND WHY THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS ABLE TO WORK EVEN AT ITS LOWEST POINT DRIVES ME CRAZY

(i think about the first proposal a normal amount I swear ghdjdkd anyway onto the others)

Second proposal: (1st one in BTCW)

literally the funniest one because like

Eugene: i was one of the best thieves in the world, master of lying and deceiving people

Rapunzel: did you just say... marry me?

Eugene:

Eugene: Larryme. i said Larryme, the name of... my fake old dog

1/10, worst save i have ever seen, he gets a pity point because i like him and the name Larryme is hilarious i wanna meet this dog

ghdhdkd joking aside it's always funny to see this one brought up as him making an ill-timed proposal again when like, the man didn't even get to try it fgdjdjdk the way it was going, i can definitely see him put off the proposal because lance and hookfoot's advice got to him, but i at least know for sure he wouldn't have done it like that in the caravan 😔

3rd proposal: (end of BTCW)

WHY IS THIS ONE FORGOTTEN ABOUT SO MUCH IT'S A HUGE TURNING POINT IN THAT WHOLE ARC and like!! Eugene is right in that they are very much not in the right time or place to get married, and though he sorta misses Rapunzel's eagerness it's actually a good thing he makes sure they're not rushing this because she's still worried of losing him (he's literally keeping his promise of being patient with her but also he makes sure she's patient with herself too!!) BUT. But, from that point, from literally the first episode of the second season and onward, it's established that Rapunzel wants to get married with Eugene, they both do, and they are on the same page about it. It's not a nebulous distant future in Rapunzel's mind anymore, it's not an anxiety-fueled desire to protect their love for Eugene, they just. do want to get married because they love each other and want to live that together. I cannot stress enough how !!!!!!!!! i am about that asfgsjfj so like a very good proposal, highlighting that they can take their time together which is very good very wholesome

3rd and a half proposal: the Tromus One (rapunzeltopia)

Does this one count? ghdgdh my guy tromus really said the only way to keep her into the perfect dream version of her world where she is completely happy is to make sure she's with eugene 💖 we thank him for that and for the parents au and for the demon au too fgjdhdhf i gotta say, I like how it also highlights how much Eugene has changed and how their relationship is much more solid now. Like, genuinely, after all they went through, Eugene wouldn't propose like that to her anymore, and he also showed that he's ready to say no to make sure that she has the space to discover herself and be certain of her choice. Also I like this proposal because the joy on Eugene's face when she says yes is very cute okay I KNOW IT'S A DEMON BUT IT'S ALSO MY BOY

4th proposal: (Cassandra's Revenge)

ASGSGDHDJDHDHDJJHLSDGSDSG I LITERALLY WILL NEVER RECOVER FROM THE GIRL WHO HAS EVERYTHING REPRISE. NEVER EVER I GENUINELY FEELS GIDDY LISTENING TO IT EVEN NOW AND THEN WHEN SHE PROPOSED AND HE WAS LIKE "FOR ME?" AND IT WAS THE SOFTEST THING IN THE WORLD I DIED

i'm also so happy rapunzel got to try to propose a second time because hell yes she would and like i'm glad it wasn't ever questionned and that eugene got to be over the moon because she oves him just as much as he does and !!!!!!! FLUFFY HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS WHERE BOTH PEOPLE WOULD DO ANYTHING TO MAKE THE OTHER ONE HAPPY ARE ALL I WANT IN LIFE ACTUALLY

5th and final one: THE proposal :')

It's literally perfect what can I even say ghdhdh like. the dialogue? Eugene reminding her of his promise, making sure she knows it's a choice, us seeing how far they've come together since the beginning and how it's literally the next natural step for them instead of a tacked on "happy ending" thing?? The sheer emotion and happiness in their voices and their expressions, the intimacy, the gorgeous bi flag sky behind them, the parallel to I see the light, THE EVERYTHING?? this proposal is the best proposal to ever proposal, no one is doing it like them

[rainecreatesstuff]

LAMP Soulmate AU Bulletfic thing

Word Count: 2569

TW: Mentions and implications of abuse, mentions of anxiety, descriptions of panic attacks, mentions and implications of death + illness

They’re all connected in different ways

Virgil is connected to Patton through that thing where marks on your soulmate’s skin appear of yours too

Roman through a thing where on your eleventh birthday at 11:11pm a name will pop into your head and wow its your soulmate’s

And Logan through the string thing

Roman is connected to Patton through a timer on his wrist

And Logan through a tattoo-like mark on your wrist that says your soulmate’s first words to you

Logan and Patton are connected through a soulmark (A tattoo or raised pattern on your skin that is also on your soulmate)

Patton is blind

so in this au different soulmarkers develop at different ages

So when V’s little he’s super excited to meet his sm, bc his parents are soulmates and everything he’s seen abt them is so sweet and exciting!

He turns six and doesn’t develop a timer, which is what he was hoping for

But that’s ok! There are tons of other soulmarkers!

And then he doesn’t develop a soulmark when he’s seven

Or a sentence on his wrist when he’s eight

And he can see colours

So he’s starting to get nervous

And hey! Mom’s sick, and in the hospital, and she’s just not doing too swell

But then when he turns nine, a beautiful red string has been tied around his ring finger when he wakes up!

And wow! Mom look, I have a soulmate! Just like you and daddy!

And then a few months later he’s doing his homework at the kitchen table and the string goes limp before shriveling up and turning black

The doctors have no explanation, and V’s anxiety has really started to kick in

Mom doesn’t seem to be getting better either

So when he turns ten, he is fully aware that this is probably his last chance to develop a soulmarker

He writes on his forearm the night before his birthday

It says “Hey, I’m V! I guess we’re soulmates?”

When he wakes up there’s nothing new

Which is fine! Because that means his sm is probably in the same time zone as him!

But then he keeps waiting and

Nothing

Nothing for a week.

Eventually his dad convinces him to wash it off

Then on his eleventh birthday he knows how uncommon a soulname connection is, but he needs to try

So it’s 11:10 and he’s sitting at his desk with a marker ready to write it down and then-

Roman Prince

Roman prince? What do you mean Roman prince? That’s not a name! What the hell?!

So he’s really sad and anxious and stuff because he doesn’t have a soulmate and, yknow, that’s kinda upsetting for him

And hey, your mom really isn’t doing too well, we have to visit her after school, okay?

At first Virgil doesn’t understand why mom’s being so dramatic or why she keeps telling him she loves him

Then it hits him

And now he’s sobbing and hugging her and shaking and he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe

Fun fact! Turns out this is a regular thing and he has really bad anxiety.

And mom has been put in a medically induced coma

So a year later dad decides to pull the plug

Virgil’s anxiety has gotten really bad

He’s just not in a good place

High school goes by without much happening

Now he’s going to university! How exciting and stressful!

Roman, too, was entranced by the idea of soulmates. His parents aren’t soulmates, but they encourage his excitement about them!

And when he turns six, he develops a timer on his wrist! Score! What a romantic way to meet the love of your life!

Or friend of your life

His moms are so excited for him! They get him new paints and take him out to dinner to celebrate.

And then he wakes up on his eighth birthday to words on his right wrist

It says “If you could stop talking, it would be vastly appreciated.”

He’s a little pissed

His moms take him to the doctor bc “wtf why does he have TWO soulmarkers?!”

The answer is that he has two soulmates

It’s uncommon, but possible

So while he is ecstatic and ready to parade his soulmarkers around the school, his moms are a little less happy and a little more worried

They may have made the suggestion that he wears long sleeves most days, those ones that he hates because they will not roll up

But he did what they asked because they’re his moms, and he loves them very much

And then a few years later on his birthday he’s typing up a short story for school

It’s due the next day so he’s rushing through it a little bit

It’s still amazing

But anyways, he’s writing, and he suddenly just gets the name “Virgil Miller” stuck in his head

He doesn’t think anything of it bc he’s writing and that’s normal

He ends up naming the main character Virgil 

Logan grows up in a bit of a run-down part of town

His Mami and Dad are soulmates (he doesn’t think they should be)

They fight a lot, and sometimes Dad’ll hurt Mami, especially at night when they think he’s asleep

And he’s heard Mami on the phone with his Tia, talking about court cases? And laws, and soulmates?

Needless to say, he isn’t all too enamoured with the idea of soulmates

When he’s seven he gets a soulmark, some bumps over his heart, which is a little distressing

He’s never met this person, but he’s supposed to spend his whole life with them?

He’s very scared that his soulmate will be like Dad

And then he develops the words “Bold of you to assume I can stop talking” on his right wrist

And then a string when he’s nine.

He doesn’t tell his parents about any of them. “Soulless” people existed, and he knew his Mami was hoping he was one of them.

And then later that year Mami sits him down and tells him that she’s going to live with his Tia until she can find her own apartment, and that she and Dad aren’t together anymore

Logan cries for a while, and tells her about all the things he’s heard, and the bruises he’s seen, and begs to go with her

Mami says she was hoping he would

His Dad finds out the day before they leave and he hits Logan

Multiple times

And when his Mami steps in, Dad scowls and yells and stomps away and Mami picks Logan up and they run to the car and leave

When they get to his Tia’s he hides in the guest bedroom they said is his and he takes a pair of scissors and

Snip snip, he’s 33% more “soulless”

He steals Mami’s concealer and puts it on his wrist everyday to cover the words there

The only one he doesn’t cover is the soulmark on his chest, which he almost never sees because of his shirt

Whenever anyone asks, he just tells them he’s soulless

He tries not to get too close to people, but he usually fails and so he has a very small, very tight friend group 

Oh also he’s a grade ahead of his year

Patton’s family is very well off

He’s the oldest of four brothers

He’s trans, but his family is v supportive and helped him transition as soon as they found out

His service dog’s name is Cookie and she’s a golden retriever

He’s had her since he was eleven, and he loves her very much

Because he’s blind there’s certain things he didn’t know about growing up

For example, nobody told him about soulmates until he was nine

Which really explains the weird ticking he hears every once in a while, as well as the strange, tiny bumps on his chest (which spell out “Loved” in Braille)

He doesn’t think about it too often, but he’d be lying if the idea didn’t entrance him

He didn’t think he’d ever meet his soulmates, though, and if he did, he wasn’t sure they’d want the responsibility of a blind soulmate

On the day he turns ten, there’s this little tickling on his forearm, like butterflies gently taking off on him

He doesn’t really think anything of it, though

Despite being blind, Patton is super capable

He can’t cook by himself, but if he’s supervised he does a really good job. He’s the most prepared for “real life” out of his siblings, which is strange, considering he’s the oldest

He goes to public school, where most kids are really nice (sometimes antagonistically nice), but there were also some rude kids

“You don’t really need that walking stick, you’ve got a dog, and we need it to play our game!”

The amount of times he’s had to explain that no you dumbass I do still need the stick is ridiculous

But he keeps a smile on his face and forges through it

And then in grade eleven Roman’s studying in the hallway when he sees some kid being bullied

Well, not bullied, but definitely teased. Something was wrong, anyways

He’s been on edge all day because his timer keeps going down

But he’s not really thinking about it rn

So he goes over and gets the idiots to leave and

Holy hell did heaven drop an angel? They must have, because look at this boy with his golden hair and tanned skin and freckles and

Beep beep motherfucker. It’s soulmate o’clock

And Roman is just so happy

“H-hey, I’m Roman!” “Oh, hi, I’m Patton! Did... did your timer go off?” “Uh yeah! It did!”

And Patton

Just grins so wide and there’s tears, and he leaps up and hugs Roman so tight

And Roman is so freaking happy!!!! He asks Patton for his contact because duh and Pat’s like

“Uhhh well I can’t text”

“Why?”

“..... I’m blind?” “OHHHHHHH”

So they figure they can talk over the phone because Patton does have a phone for calling

So they have a cute first date and they fall in love and everything’s good and dandy and Roman’s going to college but Patton’s found this real nifty job that just so happens to be right next to Roman’s college so they move in together and Patton knows about Roman’s other sm and Roman knows about Patton’s other sm

And Roman’s in a lecture now

And he didn’t really notice but he’s been muttering

And he’s just kinda sitting there when he hears it from the guy next to him

So he looks up and here’s this ethereal looking dude with gorgeous brown eyes and dark hair and

“Bold of you to assume I can stop talking.”

He curses every known god for making his first words to his soulmate be a meme

They excuse themselves from class because holy shit

And Logan introduces himself shakily

And Roman asks for his number

And they go on a date where Roman tells him about Patton and Logan mentions having a soulmark over his heart

Logan is really hesitant to join their relationship bc he was hoping he would never meet his soulmates

So they don’t put a label on it right away

But they go on a few dates and hang out a bunch and Logan realizes that he actually really, really likes these guys and he doesn’t really want to live the rest of his life without them

So he talks to them and tells them about some of the stuff that happened when he was a kid

Roman and Patton are horrified but they hug him and promise that they will never lay a finger on him if he asks them not to 

And Logan just has a moment of “These guys love me. Like actually love me. And want me to be happy. And I think I feel the same?” 

So on their next date Logan asks both of them to be his boyfriends and obviously they say yes

And basically they’re just all really in love

They move into a bigger apartment together at the beginning of year two

So then they’re all cuddling one day when Logan tells them about his string

And so the other two are like “oh shit is there another???”

And Roman says that on his eleventh birthday he just suddenly had this name pop into his head but he just assumed he’d wanted the name for a character so

And Patton says that after getting his soulmark AND a timer he didn’t think to check for anything else

So they’re all kinda like well whoops let’s hope we still meet them!

And Patton’s at his job one day when this guy walks in and he’s one of the new employees

Pat’s got his seeing eye doggo with him but the vest is off cuz they’re both on break

And so V’s like “oh cool dog can I pet him?”

Bc usually he would never just go up and ask but he literally can’t stop himself because here’s this adorable dude in front of him and the universe is screeching at him to say hi

And Pat hears his voice and immediately falls in love

“Oh, yea sure! She’s my eye dog, but she’s on break so it’s all good!”

And V meets Pat and his dog

And they end up exchanging numbers because they are coworkers and well

Yknow

So a couple days later, after him and Patton have been talking a lot, Pat invites him over

So V goes over and meets Roman and Logan

And he hears Roman’s name and

Holy shit

And of course Roman is also freaking out because the name Virgil just really hasn’t left his head since he thought of it

So yknow

Logan’s a little unsure, but then the two get talking about astronomy and he doesn’t care if they’re not soulmates he is going to marry this guy

And they all get really close really fast

And then one day Virgil offhandedly mentions the string thing

And Logan freezes and just

Shows V his right ring finger, where they can both see this rotting string that’s still tied tight around it and

Fuck V can’t breathe are you kidding? right now?

So they help ground him, and Logan explains everything

And Roman tells him what’s up

But they’re not really sure how he’s connected to Patton but then he just

Grabs a marker and draws a heart on his hand and

It’s right there on Patton’s hand holy s h i t

So they take Virgil on a date and stuff and they make it official

And Virgil’s a little nervous bc like those three have been together for a while now and he feels like he’s intruding

But he talks to Logan and L understands bc Roman and Patton had been dating for 2+ years when he found them

He promises that V is not intruding and that they all really love him

And Virgil just full on starts crying because he hasn’t felt this loved since before his mom died and he loves his bfs so much

They find their bfs and just cuddle all night

Virgil moves in with the rest of them at the beginning of third year 

They get their happily ever after for the most part

Hopefully y’all liked this! I think I’ll be posting more writing on here, bc I have TONS of wips stacked up in a google docs and I’d like to get them out of there lmao

[hidden-otaku-stuff]

Lockscreens (ch.10)

tw: insecurities, minor anger-driven violence

Word count: 3.85k

Genre: Angst, fluff

All trigger warnings will be tagged and posted at the beginning of each chapter! This will have *manga spoilers*

Pairings: Bokuto x fem!reader, Kuroo x fem!reader

Summary: Nearly four years ago, Bokuto left the love of his life for volleyball. Despite all the time, he’s still very much in love with her. He comes home to a major surprise leaving him wondering…What happened while he was gone?

Masterlist | prev | next

ch. 10: All Caught Up (Present)

Present, the day after the game

“Bokuto-sehsu, that was a fantastic match last night! How are you feeling today?” 

“Thank you so much Au-san! We worked really hard, and we’re so happy for a MSBY Jackal victory,” he beamed, crossing his legs and leaning forward slightly. “I’m feeling great.”

“How do you guys normally celebrate after a win?”

“Well, we’ll normally go out for a bite to eat or something.” He adjusted his sports jacket, hands fiddling with the zipper. “If we’d just flown in that night though, we’d normally head off to bed after eating something in the hotel restaurant.”

“You guys must be hungry after all that running and jumping!” She laughed. “You’re from Tokyo right? What’s the best place for a post-game meal?”

He nodded eagerly. “Yes, I was actually the ace at Fukurodani Academy when I was in high-school. We normally go to Gyu-Kaku by the stadium after a hard-fought game, win or lose. I actually took the team there last night.”

“Gyu-Kaku? That’s actually one of my favourites!” They both laughed. “Now, obviously you’ve been involved with volleyball for a good majority of your life. I gotta ask, is there anything you regret about it?” Bokuto froze, his mind running this way and that. 

He wasn’t sure why this question was always asked, and he swallowed the weight of the lies on his tongue as he repeated the same lies he had lived and breathed for the past four years.  Bokuto forced a grin, “No, not at all. I love volleyball, it’s always been there for me. I’m so happy that I have a chance to continue with it as my career.” 

“Speaking of love, any special lady in your life?” 

The corner of his mouth twitched as he forced out a laugh, his heart shattering. Of course. Just another bachelor on the MSBY team. “Not at this time,” he acknowledged, knuckles whitening. Bokuto could almost feel the jagged edges of the pieces of his heart that he’d clumsily tried to reassemble. “It’s hard balancing all the travel and practice with a dating life.” 

“Well hopefully you’ll find someone willing to do that for you.” Au smiled. “Well folks, that’s all the time we have today. Thank you for coming out!”  

As Bokuto left the studio from his live interview, he let out an extensive sigh. It wasn’t often that interviewers asked him about his past, but he supposed it was expected considering he was local to Tokyo. He turned down the street, letting his music fade in the background as he remembered his past. Bokuto still couldn’t believe that he had run into (Name) yesterday, let alone that she was married to Kuroo for gods’ sake. He sighed, face darkening. Kuroo had been the one to introduce them after all. 

“Hey Bokuto, I want you to meet someone. Come to Gym 3 later for extra practice!” A hand clapped onto his back, sending the wing-spiker lurching forward. Glancing up, he nodded at the other first-year male. 

“Who else will be there?”

Kuroo shrugged, grinning. “You’ll just have to come and see, won’t you?”  

After all the practices, Bokuto entered Gym 3 to find it empty. He picked a corner, placing his bag and stuff down before taking a sip from his water bottle. “You’re Bokuto right?” The spiker jumped, dropping his bottle. He cursed, bending down as he picked it up. A soft giggle had him looking up. “I’m (L.Name, Name),” she introduced, bending beside him as she began to towel up the split water. Bokuto stared at her, open-mouthed. “You were really good today!” She beamed, standing up with the soiled towels. 

“Thank you,” he stammered, moving to stand beside her. “What school are you from?” 

She tucked her hair behind her ear, “Nekoma.”

“Oh! You must be Kuroo’s friend?” 

(Name) laughed, eyes sparkling. “You can say that. We've been friends since grade school.” 

Golden eyes widened. “He mentioned wanting to introduce me to someone. That must be you.”

“Funny, Kuroo said the same thing about you.” She bowed. “I’ll be in your care, Bokuto-san.” His cheeks glowed as he pulled her up from her bow. 

Bokuto frowned, arriving at his temporary lodging. Under different circumstances, he would’ve asked to stay with (Name) after reconnecting, but the circumstances being what they were, he figured renting out a place for the month would be better. He sat on his couch, lips pursed. Bokuto’s phone vibrated against his thigh. “Hello?”

“Bokuto-san.”

“Akaashi!”

“I heard that you were back in Tokyo?”

Bokuto stood, his bitter expression lightening up just enough for a smile. He stood up, making his way to his kitchen. “Yes, I am! I’ll be here for a month.”

“How exciting,” Bokuto could hear the smile in Akaashi’s voice. “If you’re free, let’s meet up? I haven’t seen you in quite a while.” Bokuto filled up a glass of water, sipping it.

“I always have time for you, Akaashi!” Bokuto boomed, causing Akaashi to chuckle. 

“Thank you, Bokuto-san. I have to go now. I hope you’re doing well.” 

“See you soon, Akaashi.” 

Bokuto stood in the deafening silence of his kitchen. A heavy sigh left him, shoulders sagging. Akaashi’s calming presence had soothed some of his anxiety about being alone, but it was also a stark reminder that he was alone. Weary golden eyes scanned the kitchen.

“Kou! You’re making a mess,” she squealed, grabbing at his hands. He had been frantically whipping the bowl of cookie dough, causing it to splatter everywhere.

“No, I’m not!” He argued.

She pulled it away, wiping a bit of the splatter off of her cheek. “You sure about that?”

“Okay, maybe.” Bokuto sighed, grabbing a towel to try and wipe down the counter. He was startled when cold liquid landed on his cheek. “Huh?” He whirled around, wiping at his cheek to find a splatter of the dough on his cheeks. “Oh you’re gonna get it,” he grinned. A handful of flour went flying at her as she attempted to run around the island.

“Kou!” She shrieked, the flour landing all over her face. (Name) lunged for an egg, smashing it on top of his head. She froze, eyes widening at the silly sight. “Oh my god, you look ridiculous!” 

“You’ve got three seconds.” Bokuto wiped the dripping egg whites off of his forehead. 

She backed up, tripping over her own feet. “You wouldn’t do anything drastic, right Kou?” She cooed, panic rising in her voice.

“Of course not, love. I just wanna hug you!” With that, he lunged and cracked an egg down her shirt. Laughter filled the air as they chased each other around, their plan to make cookies long-forgotten.

He sighed. If only he could turn back time. Maybe he’d have this taste of domesticity for the rest of his life. A home instead of a temporary apartment. Someone who would come rushing to greet him once he came home instead of the void left in his heart and bed. Bokuto sighed just before his phone vibrated in his hand. 

Future wifey: When did you want to meet?

****

The next day...

“So, Bokuto is back in town? And (Name) is meeting him right now?” Kenma had Hikori on his lap, showing him how to play Minecraft. Kuroo was lounging on the bean-bag, alternating between watching his son and staring at his phone.

“Pretty much.” Kuroo sighed.

“How are you feeling about it?” Kenma patted Hikori’s head, pointing at something on the screen.

“I’m fine.” 

“No you’re not. If you were, you wouldn’t be sitting there sulking.” Kenma eyed his best friend disdainfully. “Not that I’m complaining, you know I enjoy Hikori’s company.” His yellow eyes surveyed the screen. “You can mine those blocks, Hiki.”

“Ok, Ken-san!” Hikori’s pink tongue stuck out as he examined the keyboard to press the right buttons.

“Fine, you’re right. I’m worried.”

“Why?”

“What if she still wants Bokuto?” Kuroo hesitated, chewing on his bottom lip. “I mean, they were together for almost four years.” Hazel eyes gazed with affection and a glimmer of resignation at his son. Turmoil overwhelmed him. Would Hikori prefer his biological father over him? Would she prefer Bokuto? No matter what, it had always felt that Bokuto was her first love, not him. “And they have something...permanently tying them together.”

“You’ve also been with her for the same amount of time.” Kenma cleared his throat, shifting his sharp gaze away from Kuroo. “I think that connection is more-so between you and her,” Kenma shrugged. “It’s not like he was involved other than genetically.”

“That wasn’t his fault though,” Kuroo argued. “If he hadn’t gotten the deal that day, he would’ve known and it would be him here instead of me.” 

 “But he did and it is you, not him.” Kenma looked down at his friend. “You’ve known each other for almost fifteen years. You’ve loved her for a majority of that time, whether you knew it or not.” He took control of the mouse, helping Hikori fight off a zombie. “She’s loved you for just as long. It doesn’t matter what they had together. You’ve already beat him in every possible way.” A smirk made its way onto his face as he watched Hikori play. “You’ve maxed your friendship levels. He’d have to start over at this point.” 

Kuroo rolled his eyes. “You’re such a gamer.”

“A rich one.” 

Kuroo’s face brightened as he cackled. “Thanks Kenma. You always know how to cheer me up.”

“Our friendship points are maxed out too, Kuro.”   

“Ken-san!” Hikori pointed at the screen excitedly. “I just caught this!”

“Good job, Hiki.” Kenma patted the boy’s head affectionately.

****

A few days later...

“Akaashi?”

“Yes, Bokuto-san?”

“Can we meet up?”

“Of course. I’ll text you the address of a pearl drink place, okay?”

Akaashi hung up, sighing. It had been years since he heard Bokuto so...depressed. The wing-spiker had worked hard to overcome his “emo” modes from high school, and it no longer affected him during games, but apparently something brought it back and Akaashi had an idea of what that it might be…

“So you met (Name)?”

Bokuto nodded, chewing on the tapioca balls. “Yeah, we ran into each other at the game a few days ago.”

Akaashi hesitated. “How was that?” 

“S’okay, I guess.” Bokuto shrugged, spinning in the raised chair. The two sat in bar-stools at Akaashi’s favorite pearl tea shop. Though, it was only his favorite since it was so close to his work-place. “We met up to talk the other day and caught up. I didn’t know she and Kuroo got married.”

The former setter hummed. “Yeah, they got married before Hikori was born.”

Bokuto threw his arms up. “That’s the thing! I didn’t even know they were talking together. Let alone that they were interested in each other like that.” Bokuto sighed, running a hand through his disheveled hair. “I can’t believe I came back to find my best friend having a baby with my ex-girlfriend.”

Akaashi tilted his head, twisting the straw wrapper. “I’m more surprised you didn’t come back sooner with all things considered.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Akaashi cleared his throat, “I figured you would visit more after finding out that Hikori is your son.”

Bokuto froze, short-circuiting. “He’s what?”

Akaashi paused, looking up from his pearl drink. “She didn’t tell you?” His eyebrows furrowed. “They promised that they would.”

“Congratulations, Kuroo-san.” Akaashi nodded at Kuroo and (Name). They were at (Name)’s house as she hosted Hikori’s ‘Sip and See’ party and Aya’s baby shower. The coworkers had become exceptionally close after being joined together by parenthood. The expecting mother was entertaining other guests in the living room while (Name) and Kuroo entertained their guests in the backyard.   

“Do you want to hold him, Akaashi?” (Name) offered, arms cradling a bundle of blankets.

Akaashi smiled, bowing slightly. “If you don’t mind.”

“Of course, I trust you.” She giggled, gently placing Hikori into Akaashi’s arms.

“I’ll be back, love.” Kuroo kissed (Name)’s head, nodding at Akaashi before heading over to greet his coworkers. 

Akaashi rocked Hikori slightly, a gentle smile on his face. “He has his eyes, y’know.” (Name) murmured, looking down at her son and carding through his soft locks. 

“Does he now?” Akaashi hummed. Hikori yawned, opening up his eyes as he woke up from his nap. With wide golden eyes, Hikori reached for Akaashi’s face. Akaashi chuckled, bringing his finger to Hikori’s small chubby hands. The baby squealed with laughter as he grabbed onto Akaashi’s index finger. “Does Bokuto-san know?” Akaashi peeked up at (Name).

“Not yet.”

Kuroo returned, catching their conversation. Akaashi kept his attention on (Name). “Will you tell him?” 

“Of course Akaashi.” Akaashi fixed her with a hard stare, raising an eyebrow. “I promise, we’ll tell him.” 

“Akaashi.” Gunmetal eyes slid to look over at Kuroo who grabbed his shoulder and squeezed. “We promise, Bokuto will know.” 

“I have to go.”

“Good luck, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi called after him as Bokuto sprinted out of the store.

****

“Thanks for coming in! Be sure to keep doing those stretches at home, okay?” She instructed, waving her client out. She stepped out of the hall, leaving one of the dance studios.

“Hey (Name)?” The receptionist called urgently, waving at the female.

“Yes? Is everything okay?” (Name) walked forward. Rei approached her, bending to whisper into her ear.

“There’s someone here for you. He’s been pacing the lobby for quite some time now.”

“Who is it?” Her eyes widened, brows furrowing. She didn’t have any more clients that day. (Name) glanced at her watch, it was almost time to pick up Hikori from the on-site day-care center. 

“He said his name was Bokuto?” (Name)’s jaw clenched, fingers twitching in agitation. “Oh, do you know him?” Rei asked, cocking her head. She could only nod, a million thoughts running through her mind. 

“Yeah, thanks for telling me Rei. I’ll go see him right now.” She smoothed out her clothes, taking a deep breath before she stepped into the lobby. “Bokuto?” True to Rei’s words, Bokuto was anxiously pacing up and down the lobby, looking over his shoulder at the double doors every few steps. Bokuto looked like a mess. His hair was all-over the place, golden eyes red. At the sound of her voice, Bokuto whipped around. His lip was swollen and bruised, no doubt from apprehensive chewing. 

“(Name)!” Bokuto sprinted towards her. “We need to talk.”

“It appears we do.” She looked around the lobby. “C’mon, let’s go to my office.” 

Silence clung to them as they took the stairs up to her office, which had been moved to a different wing. As soon as she shut the door, Bokuto whirled on her. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“That Hikori is my son!” He slammed his palm onto her desk, startling her.

Tears welled up in her eyes. “I...we...I was going to tell you,” she whispered. “When Hikori was older.” 

Name let out a sigh of relief, tugging the blanket under Hikori’s chin. Muscular arms snaked around her waist as the couple stood staring down at their baby. “Let him sleep,” Kuroo whispered into her ear, pressing a chaste kiss to her cheek and gently tugging her towards the door. Kuroo slipped out first while she paused to turn on some classical music. Her husband was bustling around the kitchen, pouring them mugs of warmed milk. “Is everything okay?” He asked, glancing up at her.

“Do you think we should tell Bokuto?”

Kuroo’s hands froze as he stopped mixing honey in, eyes focused on the mug with an unreadable expression. “Bokuto?” 

She hummed in response. (Name) stepped in between his arms, wrapping her arms around his chest. “I mean, biologically that’s his child.” Kuroo hesitated as a hand reassuringly rubbed his back. “Hikori is still your son,” she clarified, “and he always will be.” (Name) pulled back, looking up at Kuroo, her lips brushing his cheek. ‘But I think he’d want to know. Heavens knows you would want to if the situation was reversed.” She shrugged as she bit her bottom lip. “Bokuto doesn’t need to know any time soon.”

Kuroo nodded reluctantly, resting his forehead on hers. “Why don’t we wait until Hikori is old enough to decide whether or not he wants to meet Bokuto?” he suggested, closing his eyes. “Introducing Bokuto too soon might cause confusion or unnecessary stress to Hiki.”

A puff of warm air blew across his face as she contemplated his offer. “That’s fair. He isn’t missing a father figure and he might get confused.” Her eyes glowed with determination. “Alright. Let’s hold off on telling him until he’s old enough to understand.”  Kuroo pressed a kiss first to her forehead then her lips. “Thank you for being so understanding, love.”

Kuroo let out a soft laugh. “Anything for you, my love.”  

“Don’t you think I had a right to know?” Bokuto was pacing around her office, aggravation evident in all of his movements. Fear locked her jaw. “Why didn’t you tell me when we met up the other day?” He snarled, running his hand through his hair again. The knock at her door shook her out of her reverie.

She cleared her throat, glancing at the door. “Yes?”

“(Nickname)? Are you ok?” 

She swallowed, steadying her voice and steeling her nerves. “Yeah, Iwaizumi. I’m fine, just dropped something.”

“Alright then. I’m next door if you need anything!”

“Thank you!” She pinched her nose, taking more deep breaths. “Look, Bokuto. You left.” She hissed, jabbing a finger into his chest. “Years ago. I didn’t hear from you until. This. Week.”

“That’s not my fault!” Bokuto argued, grabbing her wrist. “You told me to go!” He threw her hand away from him, golden eyes narrowed.  

“I did.” She nodded, closing her eyes. Her nostrils flared as she took deep breaths. “I wanted you to be happy and to be the pro-player you always wanted to be.” 

“Babe, guess what?” She looked up from the tea-cup that sat in front of her, over the pastries as (e/c) eyes made contact with gold. Her eyebrows quirked up as she took a sip. Bokuto could hardly contain his own excitement as he blurted out, “I just got scouted!” 

Her eyes widened, choking slightly on the hot beverage. “Really? That’s great!” 

He nodded eagerly. “Yeah, it’s a two-year contract for now. They want to send me to their training camp starting next week and I’ll be gone for the next six months. After that, I’m going to officially join the team and everything!” A soft pout made its way to his face as he played with his fingers. He didn’t want to leave her - not when she was so close to finishing up school. “That means I have to leave this weekend.” 

Delicately placing the tea-cup down, a soft hand reached out for his. “Kou, it’s okay. This is the opportunity you’ve been looking for all of your life.” (Name) swallowed thickly, causing him to tilt his head at her. What was the matter? But his worries were quelled with her next words. “I’m not going to keep you here. Please, go live your life and you better be the best ace out there, okay?” 

Apprehension bubbled in his stomach, something didn’t feel right. He grasped her hand harder, fixing her with a paralysing golden stare. “We can make this work! I’ll come home to visit, and we’ll call every day, I promise.” Silently, he promised to himself, ‘And when you’re finished with school, I will come back and bring you with me.’ 

The corner of her lips graced him with a timid smile. “I’m sure we can.” 

“I love you.” Bokuto’s plush lips caressed her hand, squeezing it tightly once more. His heart felt warm knowing that he had her support. Knowing that he had a plan for their future now. Excitement filled him once more as he imagined it. Him, established in his professional volleyball career. Her, joining him in Osaka and building her own future as they joined their lives together as full-fledged adults.  

She squeezed back, looking at their intertwined hands. “I love you too.” 

His eyes widened, the memory hitting him out of nowhere sending a surge of fury through him. Bokuto lunged towards her, both hands now clasped onto her wrists. “Does Hikori know?” Bokuto demanded.

Her eyes widened. “Kou, that hurts,” she whimpered, trying to tug out of his grip.

“Does Hikori know?” Bokuto trembled like a leaf during the season's change.

“No, he doesn’t.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “We were going to wait until he was older so that he would understand.”

“So you hid it from both of us?” Bokuto scoffed. Hurt and anger crossed his expression. “Why would you lie?”

(Name) yanked her arms away, rage surging through her. Red marks were left on her arms and were rubbed furiously. “Bokuto, you left me. You ghosted me. You have absolutely no right to come in here demanding jack-shit from me after that.” She let out a deep laugh, eyes glinting dangerously. “Why would I tell my son that his father abandoned his mother especially when there was already someone else there to love and raise him?”

At her words, Bokuto deflated, anger dissipating completely. “I’m...I’m sorry, (Name). I didn’t…I.” Bokuto collapsed onto her patient table, face buried into his palms. “I’m so sorry,” he whimpered. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. Or to abandon you. It was just so hard, I didn’t want to hold you back.” Hot tears dripped down his face and splattered onto the ground. “Fuck, (Name). I was in so much pain when I left. I didn’t…I couldn’t…Not like this.” Bokuto’s body shook in sobs. Her anger faded as she watched him. Pity overwhelmed her, causing her throat to tighten.

She stepped closer, hesitantly wrapping her arms around his quivering form. Bokuto stiffened before burying his face into her shoulder. “It’s okay, Kou. I know,” she cooed softly. 

His body trembled as he clung onto her, struggling to breath. “I know I don’t deserve it but I...I wanna try again. Can I just try to be a part of Hikori’s life? We don’t even need to get back together,” he rambled in sheer desperation, tears soaking into her shirt. How could they? He had been replaced long ago and he hadn’t even realised it. “He doesn’t need to know that I’m his dad. Not yet.” Another sob tore through his body as his grip tightened. “I just want to be a part of his life. Is that okay?” 

(Name) bit her lip, glancing at the picture frame on her desk. Hikori and Kuroo stared back at her. Hikori was perched on Kuroo’s shoulders as they wandered the festival streets waiting for the firework show. 

“Please.” He whispered hoarsely, pulling back to reveal golden eyes that glistened with pain. “I know I don’t deserve your kindness. But please.” Bokuto took a shaky breath only to break out into harsher sobs. “Please (Name).”

*****

Fun Facts

💟 “Au” means ‘meeting’

💟 Though he was used to answering the ‘regrets’ question, it never not easier for Bokuto

💟 Bokuto had planned on renting the apartment for only a week - enough time to meet up with (Name) and then ask to stay with her, but ultimately extended his reservation in order to recuperate 

💟 Kuroo had never really gotten over his insecurities about Hikori’s birth

💟 Kenma loved showing Hikori how to play games, and they would often meet up monthly for game nights. (Name) refused to put Hikori in the spotlight though so Kenma wasn’t allowed to stream whenever Hikori was over

💟 Bokuto was overwhelmed with his own emotions and insecurities regarding Kuroo’s relationship with (Name) [more on this next chapter] 

💟 Japanese people call milk-tea/boba/bubble tea drinks ‘tapoica juice’ 

💟 Akaashi never brought it up to Bokuto because he assumed that Bokuto would have mentioned it to him if he wanted to talk about it. Unfortunately, Akaashi was not surprised about how things ended up happening 

💟 (Name) was surprised that Bokuto remembered where she worked. When they had met-up, Bokuto had seemed zoned out for a majority of it. 

💟 (Name)’s office was moved closer to Iwaizumi’s office due to reasons

💟 (Name) isn’t the type to get angry. But when Bokuto started making demands while getting angry and violent, she couldn’t help but lash out. She had been suppressing her own rage at him for years

*****

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[crimmson]

it doesn’t matter if i haven’t played swtor in like 8 years, my brain will never let go and i had a stupid weird (vaguely romantic? is that even the right word for this? i’m not good at this) thought

IA spoilers for a 11 year old game i guess, hopelessly gay and wildly unhealthy ship

so the disguises that the Old Man and his trainees use (including hunter) is like some hologram shit right? which means I’m assuming if anyone is using that technology, they have to be careful about how they actually physically interact with anything to maintain the illusion? because let’s be real if you’re disguised as someone with a different body type, then your collision with things is NOT going to be the same as your disguise. IE, if Hunter touches a door handle, in reality the “male” disguise would like. clip through the fucking handle.

(when i torture myself with yet another playthrough i intend to note how often Hunter actually physically interacts with anything or anyone. iirc it’s really not very often at all. iirc it’s all either in person but at a distance, or via holo)

I can buy that maybe there’s some hardlight technology in the mix, because it’s star wars and scifi so who cares. so maybe they can do some things like sit in chairs and push buttons and other basic things that would help sell the lie.

but there’s no way they can like. touch anyone. because hard light isn’t gonna feel the same as skin, or fabric, or whatever. right?

(I know there’s been some stuff that uses vibrations/frequencies/haptic feedback/whatever to trick your brain into thinking that you’re touching different materials, but let’s pretend that’s difficult to implement on a whole disguise that would presumably be made of many different materials, and it’s easier to just tell your trainees to get used to No Touchy)

(also, how many people in the Star Cabal actually know Hunter’s “male appearance” is a disguise? i know there’s the one dude onnnnn uh Voss maybe? that says “send hunter my love” and I’m assuming they know the truth. because it’s one thing to put on that persona when you’re dealing with the agent and the SIS, but if they can’t turn that off even when they’re in their own organization, that has to Suck Even More. but given how much Hunter seems to be involved with all kinds of shit, I’m guessing they’re using that persona A Lot and i’m guessing that fucks with you a bit.)

So i imagine hunter is just extremely used to No Physical Contact and doesn’t even think twice about it. and outside of my headcanon where Solune beats the absolute shit out of Hunter to stop them from killing themselves before pseudo-defecting from the empire (she’s still chugging the imperial kool-aid, but Fuck the Dark Council and the Sith, Actually) and dragging hunter with her,

i think it would be Fun™ if Hunter was initially like, terrified of touching Solune. not even Sexy Touching. just any (normal, non-violent) physical contact at all. even just like a “hey let me squeeze past you real quick” shoulder touch is a Big No 

(and not counting the fact that Solune would almost certainly partake in some revenge torture, but i think that wouldn’t factor into the weird mental-hang-up RE: physical contact because they’re probably both intimately familiar with the concept of inflicting and receiving pain as part of their jobs and like, the human brain is weird and treats it differently from someone just making normal, non-violent, non-harmful contact).

probably because 1) they never expected to live in the first place, you don’t don’t go into galactic terrorism expecting a long lifespan, so this situation is very surreal and 2) they’re afraid that if they touched her she’d just like, disappear and none of this is actually real and everything is an elaborate lie

and i think it would be Fun™ if when hunter DOES actually make physical contact with Solune initially, it’s with an embarrassing amount of trepidation and then weird relief-laughing when nothing happens. just like, hovers a hand over like her sternum, then barely touches it with like their fingertips, then the whole hand, then finally actually like makes full contact and then starts laughing, and it’s a 5 minute ordeal and the whole time Solune is just like one hand on her holster wondering if this is a lead-up to the galaxy’s slowest strangulation

[firebrands]

speak easy | steve/tony

1.9k, M (for alcohol and recreational drug use), drunk steve, drunk tony, a few kisses and an unexpected confession | stony bingo prompt fill: this comic book cover | on ao3

*

It was a normal Tuesday between the two of them, stressed and under duress and Tony needing a drink. Tony had escaped his office to work with Steve, using the excuse that a change of scenery made him more productive.

Steve was just happy to spend time with Tony, really.

“I need a drink,” Tony said over their laptops.The sun was beginning to set outside the cafe they frequented when they needed to get work done.

“Okay,” Steve said. “I think I’ll join you.”

Tony looked up from typing on his laptop, surprised. “Really?”

“I mean, once in a while is okay,” Steve said, nonchalant.

A slow smile spread over Tony’s lips, and he pulled out his phone to type out of a text. “Great. Wonderful. There’s this place I think you’ll love.”

***

They’re two drinks in before their dinner arrives, and Tony’s eyes are half-lidded with the beginnings of intoxication. Steve is along the same route.

“Jeez,” Steve says, scrubbing his face with his hand. “It’s been a while.”

Tony makes a small noise of understanding, digging into his steak.

The bar is dark, all leather and wood, with paraphernalia from the 20s strewn about. They even have lamps that look to be from that period, but tables are candle-lit. Over the speakers comes muted tinkles of jazz.

“They’re really leaning into the speakeasy atmosphere, aren’t they,” Steve says, sipping his drink.

“One hundred percent,” Tony says, settling back into the chair and sighing, cheeks pink with a pleasant buzz.

They don’t talk about work, about the little amount of sleep they’d had over the past few days, about how much they both just needed to take a breather, even if only a few hours.

When they’re done, they step outside of the bar and Tony lights a cigarette. “Where to next?” He asks.

“My place is just a few blocks down,” Steve says, eyes opening and closing too slowly.

“Oh, yeah, you’re right,” Tony says, orienting himself by looking up at the buildings around them.

They begin walking unsteadily towards Steve’s apartment, Tony’s hands occasionally holding on to Steve’s arm to keep steady.

They’re quiet, tonight. Tired, drunk, ready to lie down. They say nothing as they lean against each other and wait for the elevator to bring them up to Steve’s room.

***

Tony kicks off his shoes when they get to Steve’s apartment—he’s used to house rules by now, and plops down on Steve’s sofa as Steve bends down to unlace his shoes. Steve is setting them aside properly in their assigned space on the rack when Tony makes a small, pleased sound. Steve looks up to see him holding up a small ziplock bag.

“Oh, Tony, I don’t think—”

“Just one,” Tony grins, tapping some weed onto rolling paper. “Come on, we should unwind. There’s still so much week left in this week,” he says, rolling for a bit more before licking the joint closed.

Steve, after all these years, knows when to choose his battles.

They move toward Steve’s balcony and Tony lights up, taking a long drag before passing the joint to Steve. Steve wonders idly if Tony just has drugs on his person at all times, but wouldn’t put it past him; after all, he’s Tony Stark. Even after all this time, it’s still a marvel to him that they’re friends—that they could be more than that, if one of them decided to finally make a move.

They’d met at a charity auction by chance, Tony had won the bid on Steve’s art.

“The first one that actually caught my eye,” Tony said.

“You bought a Monet,” Steve responded, unimpressed by the come-on.

Tony blinked at him. “Yeah, and?”

Steve couldn’t help but be charmed, and that’s how it started—coffee and dinner, whenever they were free and Tony didn’t have plans with his then-girlfriend, Jan. Steve still kept his full-time job, even if Tony bought enough of his art to pay his rent for the year, but they started as friends. Steve didn’t know how to make them more than that—it feels like that ship has set sail.

Tony flicks the roach into the air, watching as it floats down into the empty alley in the back of Steve’s building.

Steve tsks, even if he’s already pretty cross-faded from the drinks and the joint. Tony smirks in response.

“I need to lie down,” Tony says, walking back inside Steve’s apartment. He was very good at acting like he owned any place he stepped into.

Steve follows and pours each of them a glass of water. “Okay,” he says, drinking it down in one go. He hands the full glass to Tony, who takes a sip as he undoes his tie; Steve tries not to stare.

Tony walks into Steve’s bedroom before Steve, yawning before lying down.

This isn’t new, either. Lying awake on each other’s beds, sometimes talking, but most of the time, not. What is new is Tony turning towards Steve and sliding an arm under his neck, pulling him close.

Steve feels pliant and loose, doesn’t really give a shit about anything so small as a cuddle, if that’s what Tony needs then, okay, okay.

It doesn’t have to mean anything, is all. His mind settles into a pleasant hum of emptiness, savoring the simple physical act of closeness. He tips his head up a little. He misjudges the angle, and their noses brush. Steve looks up at Tony, a little startled, and sucks in a breath when he sees Tony looking back at him, an intense, unreadable look in his gaze.

Tony’s eyes flick down to Steve’s lips, then back up.

Steve breathes.

He’s never been this close to Tony, close enough to see how close his shave is, to feel the faint ghost of Tony’s breath on his chin. Steve blinks, slow, languorous, before moving closer.

Thankfully, Tony meets him halfway.

They kiss gently, in the way only two drunk, stoned people do. Open mouthed and soft, luxuriating in each touch of their lips against each others’. Steve can feel every point of touch between them, can feel the heat emanating from under Tony’s clothes. Tony pushes against him, holds him close, kisses him until Steve groans.

Steve reaches up, fingers skimming Tony’s neck, before slowly unbuttoning his shirt. Tony huffs in response, kissing Steve again, again, again, and when Steve moves to unbutton the next—

Tony jolts up and backs away so quickly he almost falls off the bed.

Steve pushes himself up blearily, trying to get his bearings.

Tony holds his shirt closed, looking wide-eyed.

“What—”

“Steve,” Tony says, sounding out of breath. “Sorry. I just—I have to go.”

“Wait,” Steve sits up properly now, moves to get up, but Tony’s out the door before Steve can get any words together. Still, Steve tries, runs out the door after him and catches Tony standing in the elevator lobby, shoes in hand.

“What the fuck,” Steve manages. He feels half-sober, now, painfully so. It’s like he’s drunk and hungover at once, and rejected on top of everything.

“I can’t,” Tony says, not meeting his gaze. “Sorry.”

Steve rolls his eyes and sighs. “For god’s sake, Tony. Come back inside and put your shoes on there.”

Tony blinks at him.

Steve looks at him, then massages his temples. “I’m not going to let you leave in your socks. Come on. Have some water.”

They walk back to Steve’s apartment quietly, and Tony frowns at the glass Steve hands him.

“Are you for real?” Tony asks, sounding surprised.

Steve sits down and sighs. He drinks from his own glass before answering. “You can just tell me if you don’t like me, I can take it,” he says. For a brief moment, he goes back to what was happening barely an hour ago—minutes ago, even. Strange, how life is.

Tony sits down across him and sighs. He buttons up his shirt and downs the rest of his water.

“It’s not that.”

Steve raises his eyebrows, waiting.

Tony rests his head in his hands and sighs.

“How long have we known each other?” he asks.

“What?”

“Few years now, right?”

“Why does it matter?”

Tony bites his lip and looks away. Steve returns to massaging his temples.

“I am too fucking drunk for this,” Tony says, his voice just above a whisper.

Steve snorts. “Join the club.” Despite his words, he wants to touch Tony so badly it feels like an ache, but it doesn’t feel very appropriate.

Tony looks back at Steve, frowning.

“You know, I’ve wanted to do that for a while.”

The words punch the air out of Steve. “What?” He recovers then adds, “I mean, me too, but.” He looks away, then looks back at Tony, feeling out of his depth.

Tony purses his lips, then sighs. “I knew getting drinks with you was a bad idea,” he murmurs.

Steve shakes his head. “You always go too hard.” Then the realization hits him: he knows for a fact that Tony only ever does this when they're together. It’s never been explicit, never discussed or planned ahead, but in the times they’ve spent with other people, Tony’s as in-control as usual.

It’s only when it’s just the two of them that Tony drops the act.

“What is it?” Steve asks. “What aren’t you telling me?”

Tony frowns some more, then takes a deep breath. “I know this is going to sound crazy. But bear with me.”

Steve nods slowly in response, dubious and a little worried.

Tony slowly unbuttons his shirt, and Steve realizes he’s holding his breath. He gasps when Tony undoes the fourth, then the fifth, pulling at the hem to show his chest—and what’s embedded in it.

“I—“ Steve says, his brain failing to come up with any thought other than loud screeching. “What?”

Tony looks up at him. “I’m Iron Man.”

Steve sputters. “No you’re not.”

“What?”

“You—I. What? How? When? What is that?” The questions tumble out of him and Steve has to consciously loosen his grip on the table.

“It’s reactor tech,” Tony says. “It functions like a pacemaker, when I’m not…” he trails off.

“When you’re not Iron Man,” Steve finishes for him. He feels unpleasantly lightheaded. “All this time?”

“I’m sorry—”

This snaps Steve out of his thoughts. “Why?”

“I should have told you sooner, I was such a coward—I just didn’t know, there’s just—”

Through the static noise of his thoughts, Steve notices that he’s never heard Tony speak so haltingly. He reaches over and takes Tony’s hand, caring for him coming as second nature at this point. “You don’t have to be sorry. I don’t know if I would have told you, either, if I was in your place.”

Tony’s staring at his hand, nestled in Steve’s palm. “You’re not mad?”

Steve reaches over again, this time to tilt Tony’s head up to meet his gaze. “Of course not.”

“But I might be,” he adds, smiling a little encouragingly at Tony. “If you don’t let me kiss you.”

A small, slow, shy smile blooms on Tony’s lips. “Good thing I’d like you to keep kissing me,” he says softly.

Steve stands up from his chair, leans over, and pulls Tony close. Through the haze of it all—the swirling effects of liquor and drugs, the surprise, still, of Tony’s confessions—the real revelation comes in the way Tony’s lips feel against his, quiet as a promise.

[susiequaz12]

Carrot Top- 10: A Lesson

Yes it’s three am. Yes I have to work in the morning. But, I wanted to get this edited and posted, and I got it posted. So woohoo! I was also really excited for this chapter, so even though it’s a tad longer than the other ones, I promise it’ll be worth it cause there’s some good stuff at the end. (I hope it’ll be worth it anyways.)

As always, if you have any questions about the world, powers, characters, or wanted to be added to the tag list, just let me know! Also general disclaimer, I did a bit of research for this. I do not know how accurate any of it is, so bear with me that this is fictional and that I have absolutely zero real medical knowledge of how things work. Thanks!

Tags: @imagination1reality0, @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi, and @thehopelessopus

CW: crushing, restraints, panic, strangulation?, unable to breathe, defiant whumpee, possessive whumper, dehumanization, broken bones.

Masterlist can be found here.

- - -

Andrew had gotten used to the shallow breaths. He’d gotten used to the sharp pains that would flare up in his chest every now and then, before dying down to a dull ache. He got used to the thought that Splice wasn’t going to come back and relieve him from this. 

 He couldn’t tell how long it had been since he was left alone. He was nearing the verge of passing out. Of succumbing to sleep and letting his chest fall, no longer struggling to breathe. 

He was so tired. His body exhausted.

But somehow he received a rush of energy as soon as he heard footsteps approaching.

“Well, I’m ready to continue. I had to go finish my dinner of course. It had gotten cold unfortunately.”

When Splice came back, Andrew almost wished that the man would have just left him alone. Then at least he’d be able to suffer in his own embarrassment and pain, instead of showing that vulnerability he clearly felt.

The man stood to the side of Andrew, just barely within his vision.

“So? Any thoughts you’d like to share?” 

Andrew clenched his teeth, and kept his mouth shut.

The man melted into a puddle again, forming another clone like before that wandered off to grab some heavier weights.

“You know, I have plans for you.” 

Andrew stared up at the sky as Splice spoke, trying to drown out his voice. He didn’t really have anywhere else he could look, but at least the clouds were nice. The sun was slowly starting to sink over the horizon, making the air slightly cool, but not enough to be chilly.

The man continued to speak. “These plans could make you something great. That could help you be something better, more powerful, something like me. But they’ll only work if you cooperate. I hope you know it is for your own good. You can’t be successful if you’re rude, and don’t do as your told.” Splice glanced over as his clone came back, with a wheelbarrow full of more rocks and weights. “Ah good, it’s back.” 

Andrew’s eyes grew wide once more as the air was forced out of him when another large rock was placed right on top of his chest. 

Splice walked up to the side of the concrete slab, Andrew tried to look at him through his peripheral vision. 

He began rearranging the rocks and the weights. Most of them had been placed directly on the center of his body, his torso, but Splice began to spread them out.

Andrew didn’t know if that was better, or worse. He could breathe a little easier, for sure,- but the added weight to his arms and legs as they were outstretched away from him seemed to just add injury to insult. 

“You know, there’s something so satisfying about this method of discipline.” Splice stated. “It’s slow.” 

“It’s not discipline, it’s torture.” Andrew groaned.

Splice ignored the comment by placing a large rock atop Andrew’s shoulder before continuing to speak.

“Did you know, that in a slow progression the human body can withstand about 400 pounds per square inch.” He glanced at his clone as he began to place more rocks up and down the boy’s legs. “What would you say we were at by this point?” He looked as if he expected his clone to answer, before responding to himself. “I’d say we’re near 300 pounds by now.” 

Splice bent down to pick up a weight at the same time as his clone, and in a tandem movement, they placed the weights on top of the boy, one on the upper and one on the lower parts of his abdomen. Andrew could literally feel his ribcage and his bones creaking underneath all of the weight. It was getting harder to breathe with each passing second as he tried to find enough release for his chest to expand as he breathed. The clone added smaller weights to the boy’s arms and legs as the man continued speaking once again. 

“With a slow progression of suffering, it lets you sit and stew with your thoughts. You have to deal with the guilt of what you did wrong, and with the thoughts of how you could do better. You’re forced to sit there and feel sorry for what you have done.” Splice moved towards where he could stand directly above Andrew, and stared directly into his face. 

“So carrot top, have you thought about things? Considered anything that you’d like to say?”

But I didn’t do anything wrong.

I shouldn’t have to apologize.

I’ve no need to feel sorry.

Despite the pain coursing through his body, the thoughts running through his brain overpowered what he knew would be the logical thing to say. But he could only think of the words of one man, when he was put in a similar situation as Andrew’s.

So despite the pain, he said it anyways.

“More weight.” 

Splice shook his head. 

“Alright then.” 

Out of the corner of his eye Andrew saw Splice heft up an object from the ground. It wasn’t a normal rock, but a cinder block. A heavy rectangle of not stone, but solid concrete. About three times the size of any previous weights that had been added so far.

“I mentioned that the body can withstand a lot of pressure when added slowly, correct? Well I can’t imagine what it would do with a sudden forty pounds thrown on top. I guess we’ll have to see hmm?” 

As he finished his words, he gripped the edges of the cinderblock in two steady hands, and then swung it over his shoulder before slamming it down into the pile of rocks and weights on top of Andrew’s chest.

There were a few things that could be heard once the cinderblock crashed down. 

First was the thud from the impact and the rattling of the rocks as they jostled around each other in the pile. 

Second, if you were close enough (like in Andrew’s case), you could hear the loud, undeniable cracking of his ribcage. It collapsed inside of him, bones and ribs folding like a paper fan, or cardboard inside of his body. 

And third, barely audible, was the most pathetic, strangled scream, followed by wheezing attempts at breath. 

His breath grated against the sides of his lungs as he tried to force the air through his body. His eyes started glazing over, losing focus and vision, while his torso screamed at him to be relieved from the pain.

The clone seemed to be moving on autopilot as it continued to add smaller weights to Andrew’s legs, and up and down his arms, but the boy could barely feel it. 

“Well, a lot harder now, is it? Reconsidering that apology now, are we?” Splice stated.

That apology. 

Andrew had forgot. 

Amidst all his defiance and struggle, he had nearly forgotten that the whole point of this was to get him to apologize. A minuscule glimmer of hope shined through as he realized that there was a way out of this. A way to breathe again, a way to sleep, a way for Splice to just stop. 

But the thing was, Andrew couldn’t. 

It wasn’t necessarily a matter of his pride and his sense of dignity, but more of a matter that he physically could not apologize.

His lungs barely moved enough to get air through so that he didn’t suffocate, but he couldn’t imagine how difficult it might to get the words to form. All he could focus on was the fact that he was literally being crushed, and that his own ribcage could kill him at any moment by puncturing those vital organs that the very ribcage was meant to protect.

And that’s when the panic set in. 

That’s when Andrew realized that he had no control over what would happen to him anymore. That he had no power to stop it, or to keep himself from dying as his own body turned against him. He’d been in a lot of terrible situations. A lot of pain, and sorrow and bad luck. But not once had he actually thought that he was going to die. 

Until now. 

If the boy already couldn’t breathe, the panic and anxiety that set in made that struggle ten times harder. 

He barely registered that he was still conscious as he heard voices. He barely registered that Splice had been speaking. 

And he barely registered that he had managed to nod his head when Splice asked him if he was sorry. 

And all at once the weight was lifted.

Together, Splice and his clone shoved the board off of Andrew. It slid from the table onto the ground with a heavy thud, all of the rocks and weights tumbling everywhere.

The sudden absence of all of the weight was almost just as painful as having the weight on him in the first place.

Andrew’s chest heaved up into the air as he automatically sucked in deep breaths, soaking in as much oxygen as he could.

And then he was greeted with the most incredible amounts of pain he had ever felt. His heart seemed to stop, his brain stopped working, his lungs screamed. Every single organ and muscle and limb and cell and inch of his body cried out with Andrew as the tears poured uncontrollably down his face.

His attempts at breaths were interrupted by hiccuped sobs, harsh groans, and whimpers of pain. His body was still in a state of panic as every part of him screamed danger. As his mind screamed that he was going to die. 

He was going to die by being crushed by a pile of rocks.

Oh gosh, how was he not dead yet?

Splice quickly registered Andrew’s fear and vulnerability as soon as Andrew felt it. His arms and legs were still tied down to the corners of the table and he laid there, spread out like a frog in an anatomy class, ready to be dissected.

The man reached over and put a hand on the side of Andrew’s face. The boy flinched and let out a sob at the touch. 

“N-no, please, don’t-” Andrew began to murmur. He couldn’t help the pleas that flew from his mouth as he tried anything to avoid any further pain. To avoid any further fear and torment. He felt desperate. He was terrified, and exhausted. Exhausted of fighting, of trying to stay strong, of trying to stay sane.

It was safe to say that Andrew broke. Figuratively, and literally.

Splice’s hand traveled down the side of the boy’s face, going to rest at the base of his neck where the collar sat. He hooked a finger around the metal ring in the center of the leather strip. 

Just that slight tug, not quite harsh enough to pull, was enough to send Andrew into another panic.

“No!” He cried breathlessly. His mouth moved, forming the words he wanted to say, but barely any sound came out of his mouth. “Please- don’t, I- I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I, can’t, I- p-please, no, I’m sorry- please-” 

Splice stood back. He kept his finger around the collar, but stood further back enough to look at the boy. He felt somehow, proud, amused, and satisfied, all at the same time.  

“Wow.” Splice stated. He was breathless. 

The boy was so incredibly vulnerable right now. Like he’d do anything for the sake of avoiding more pain. 

And even though Splice knew he needed to take him to rest and let him be healed, he wanted to take advantage of this vulnerability while he had it. The man kept one hand on the collar and the other went up and ruffled through the boy’s fiery hair. 

“Don’t worry, we’re almost done.” Splice chuckled as Andrew tried to pull away from his touch. 

He wasn’t going to have to hurt him any further, as long as Andrew cooperated. But the boy didn’t need to know that.

“You’ve done well with your manners.” Splice began to say. “You’ve apologized- good. But there’s another lesson that I want to introduce you to, while I have your attention. It’s a simple English lesson, really.”

The man’s grip tightened around Andrew’s curls, and the boy let out a sob, followed by a wheeze and a whine. 

“I’ll introduce it to you today. I expect you to know it well the next time you are asked about it. Understand?” Splice asked.

Andrew responded with a whimper.

“I need to know that you understand what I’ve taught after I’ve given you the lesson. I need you to understand, that you’re no longer your own person anymore. As far as I’m concerned, you never were. You belong to me now.” Splice turned Andrew’s face to look directly into his, forcing the boy’s eyes open. 

“I. Own. You.” 

Andrew choked back a sob, shutting his eyes tight as Splice began to teach.

“In English, there are five different W questions that can be asked. Once you are familiar with them, I expect you to answer them with the most exact accuracy. Every time. Failing to do so will result in punishment of course.”

Splice looked down at Andrew and when the boy didn’t respond, he continued.

“The first is Who- Who do you belong to? The correct answer is me. I control you now, understand?” Splice took Andrew’s silence as understanding, and continued. “Next is what. What are you?” The man’s hand moved from Andrew’s head to below his neck. He began to trace the lines around his chest, feeling where the ribs were cracked or broken. Sensing the painful breaths of each struggled attempt to get air into the broken body. “The answer to ‘what’, is a tool. An object. Something that I get to use how I see fit. Understand?” 

Andrew gasped as a finger pushed into the side of his ribs. His eyes grew wide and he let out another series of shaky sobs, finally managing to nod his head in response to Splice.

“When and Where are next, but they’re pretty simple.” Splice stated. “When, is whenever I want. For the rest of your life. Where, is here.” 

The man grabbed Andrew under the chin, forcing him to tilt his head back to look at him in the face. Andrew’s eyes had begun to droop, drifting off, unfocused. Splice slapped the side of his face a couple times less than gently.

“Stay with me now. We’re almost done.” 

It took all of the boy’s remaining energy to keep his eyes open.

 “And last, is Why. Now I especially want you to understand this one. ” The man gripped underneath the back of the boy’s head, tilting it up to look at him. 

“The answer to ‘why,’ is because you deserve it. It’s because you are worthless. You are only what I say you are, and you deserve everything that will be given to you.” He released the grip on Andrew’s head and placed his hand in the middle of his chest instead, right on top of the boy’s sternum. “Now. Do you understand?” 

Andrew’s body was wracked with pain and sobs as he cried helplessly on the concrete table. He choked on his own voice as he tried to form an answer, but all that he managed to do was squeak out a breathy yes, and nod his head. 

Thankfully, that was a good enough answer for Splice.

“Good. Now I would test you on this right now, but I want to give it time to sink in.” Splice’s hands moved to the bindings that were keeping Andrew’s arms and legs outstretched, carefully releasing them. 

The boy made a feeble attempt to pull his arms back down towards himself, but found that they were exceptionally weaker than he thought they would be. Splice lowered his arms to his sides, as he lay there in his pain, both physical and emotional. 

As Splice sat him up on the table, the boy turned to dead weight in his arms. 

All the jostled movement of his limbs and bones had flared too much pain throughout his body. Andrew’s eyes fluttered before they rolled back into his head and he flopped backwards against the man’s chest. His head fell down towards the ground as Splice slid him off of the table. 

The man scooped the lanky boy up into a carry, his long limbs draping over the man’s arms looking more like a pile of broken branches than a boy.

They walked back into the  building as the sun began to set. 

“Come on carrot top, let’s get you patched up.” 

[baseballbitch116]

Scars & Stretch Marks

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x reader

Setting: Takes place during Rosita’s pregnancy after the Saviors were defeated

Request: Hi! Can you write one where the reader is a little bit chubby, and is completely in love with Daryl but is ashamed of her own body? And it would be fluffy if Daryl show her his scars and all.... kind of "I'm not perfect either"? You light up my day

Word Count: 1932

Warnings: Self-loathing, mentions of past physical abuse - may be triggering to readers with eating disorders or body image struggles :/

A/N: I really liked this request and actually based it off of myself a lot. I am not overly confident in my body but I keep reminding myself that we are all different and it would be boring if we all looked the same. You’re all gorgeous!!!!

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You were not oblivious to the fact that you were a bit overweight. You hadn’t always been this way - in fact, when you were younger you were a little underweight. But as you get older and your metabolism slowed down, it was inevitable that it would become harder to keep in shape.

You didn’t think that you were unattractive, but you certainly didn’t think you were “all that.” Your stomach wasn’t very flat, you could grab at some rolls you had, if you were tight jeans you had a small muffin top. Your thighs touched and jiggled when you walked, making shorts uncomfortable. You had stretch marks down across your thighs and hips, taunting you every time you saw them. Your hips were wide while your waist was tiny, sometimes making finding jeans that fit difficult. What you didn’t realize was just how attractive men found you, though.

Not only were you physically attractive, but guys loved your body. Of course, everyone had a different taste, but one guy in particular found you absolutely perfect.

Daryl was a little unsure of why he found you so attractive. From time to time he would study you, trying to place what it was about you. Yes, you were gorgeous. You were curvy and sexy. Your eyes were beautiful and intimidating to look into for too long. Your hair was soft and always smelled good, despite the world coming to an end.

Daryl wasn’t the type to openly admit his feelings for you. You guys had been together for a few years now, finally coming clean about your feelings for each other shortly after winning the fight against the Saviors. Yes, you had slept together multiple times - but each time you felt nervous under his gaze. Each of you was insecure about different parts of yourselves - something that you knew about one another but typically did not speak about. Daryl didn’t like to let you see the scars on his back, thinking that it was ugly. You didn’t like him to see you naked unless you were laying on your back, which in turn made your stomach appear a little flatter.

After the last time that you guys slept together, Daryl took notice of just how insecure you seemed. You asked him to turn off the light, and he felt you flinch when his hands trailed down your stomach. He paid close attention to where he was touching each time you flinched, wondering if it was because of him or not. He was a very smart man and it did not take him long to figure out exactly what was going on - but he wasn’t sure what to do about it.

The next morning he had left to get started on his day a few hours before you awoke. The day drug on but you knew that it wouldn’t be as long as normal, since Rosita was having a small “baby shower” around sundown. And eventually, it came time for you to get ready. You somehow managed to convince Daryl to get a shower, riding yourself in your accomplishment as you searched through your closet for something decent to wear. Rosita insisted that everyone try to dress up a little, wanting her shower to be sort of normalized - so you were searching for a dress. You only had two, given that they weren’t exactly practical to wear nowadays. The first dress that you tried on was pretty and you wanted to wear it - until you turned to your side.

Your heart dropped in your chest when you saw how much your stomach stuck out in the form-fitting dress. You ran your hand down your chest and over your stomach, watching hatefully as it rose higher, like a slope. You sucked in a breath to try to make it look flatter, but even that didn’t do much. Tears welled in your eyes as you looked at yourself in the mirror - why couldn't you lose this weight? It wasn’t like you ate a lot either. You were on your feet all day long, you ate a healthy amount of food - you just didn’t understand why you couldn't lose this weight.

Without paying attention to your surroundings, you walked back into your closet and stripped off the dress, grabbing the second option and pulling it over your body, approaching the mirror. Your shoulders slouched in disapproval as you studied your reflection once more. This dress was less form-fitting, so it didn’t hug your stomach quite as much as the first one did - but it wasn’t a very attractive dress. It was a light green color and fairly loose - it just wasn’t your style. Was this what you were stuck with? You continued silently hating yourself until you heard someone clear their throat behind you.

Startled, you spun around to face the intruder, only to spot Daryl leaning against the doorframe, eyeing you. “You scared me.” You laugh, turning on your heel and heading back into the closet, blinking away the tears as you do so. You hastily strip out of the dress and grab the only nice pair of jeans that you have along with a loose blouse. “How long you been there?” You ask, raising your voice so that he could hear you from inside the closet. You wipe your eyes before exiting, dressed in the new clothes. You meet his eye, raising a brow as he continues watching you.

“Not long.” He finally responds, readjusting his crossed arms. He is wearing his black jeans and a grey muscle shirt, his towel draped over his shoulders as he leans there - drops of water trailing down his neck from his wet hair. He looks gorgeous - it almost makes you sad. He isn’t even trying, it’s not fair. “Why’d ya change yer outfit?” He asks, his harsh gaze studying you.

You shrug your shoulders falsely, acting as though you didn’t have a reason. “Didn’t like the dress much.” You respond nonchalantly, approaching the mirror as you pop in some earrings. You see him move from his spot in the doorway from the mirror. He tosses his towel onto the bed, looking at you in the mirror momentarily before walking into the closet himself. You glance over at him, watching as he grabs a black button-down shirt - probably one of the only non-worn down articles of clothing he has.

You watch him approach you with the shirt in hand, stopping a few feet in front of you. “What?” You mutter, looking up into his blue eyes as he studies you. He doesn’t respond, instead, placing the shirt over the side of the bedside table. You give him a confused look but he still does not respond. He looks like he is debating, stuck on his words, but you have no idea over what.

“That first dress looked good on ya...” His deep voice grumbles. His eyes are soft in contrast to his voice - they almost look sad. So he had been standing there a while... How much had he seen?

“Oh, uh. Thanks... This is a bit more my style, though.” You mumble, your gaze dropping, avoiding his knowing eye.

“Nah, it’s not.” He responds. He knows you well enough to know that during times like this, you like to look for an excuse to wear more than just jeans.

“Daryl...” You mutter, glancing up at him, trying to mask your emotions - but the archer knows exactly how you’re feeling. He shifts his weight before hesitantly placing his hands on either side of the bottom of his T-shirt. His drops his eyes from yours as he lifts the shirt off his body, leaving his top half exposed to you. You raise your eyebrows in shock, wondering what he is doing. He very rarely lets you see him shirtless unless the room is dark or it is a fraction of a moment.

He stands there for a moment before tossing the shirt onto the bed where his towel lay - allowing you to look at him as he stands before you, exposed. He is insecure and wants to throw on his shirt right away, but he is forcing himself not to so that he can prove a point to you.

You take a step closer to him, feeling his body heat radiating off onto you from the close proximity as you look up into his blue eyes for a moment before they wander over his exposed chest. He lets out a small gasp when your hand meets his shoulder, your small hand trailing down his bare muscle. “What’re you doing?” You whisper, although you have an idea. He had seen...

He doesn’t respond, instead taking a deep breath and turning around, allowing you to get a good look at his back. Your eyes widen as you take in the sight for the first time. Yes, you’d seen his back before - but not for longer than a second or two. Your eyes are met with a lot of different scars. There are lash marks from when his father beat him, a large X from being branded, and stab scars from the course of the last few years of the apocalypse. Your eyes well up as you see the reminders of the pain he has suffered through. He flinches as you touch one of the marks, his muscles tense under your touch, but he doesn’t move away.

“Daryl...” You mutter sadly. He turns around and you look up into his eyes once more.

“See.. I’m not perfect either...” He mutters. Your vision is blurry as you are overwhelmed by feelings of appreciation and sadness.

“But you are...” You respond, reaching up to cup his face. “You are perfect, Daryl. Those don’t make you any less beautiful, they’re just reminders of how brave you are. There isn’t one single part of you that I don’t like, Daryl.” You admit, brushing one of your thumbs against his cheek.

“Why can’t ya see that bout yourself?” He asks, catching you off guard.

“It’s not the same-” You start, but he scoffs.

“Y/N, it’s not. Yer not listening to yourself.” He argues. He takes your wrist and pulls you over to the mirror once more, standing behind you as you face it. “There isn’t anything I would change bout ya.” He mutters, leaning his head down on your shoulder, giving it a small kiss as he buries his face in the crook of your neck.

You finally look at yourself through his eyes as you watch him in the mirror. He likes you exactly how you are - you believe him. If you’re good enough for him, that’s all that matters...

“How did I get so lucky?” You mutter, a smile breaking out across your face as you lean into his touch. He stands up straight and you catch a glimpse of a grin on his lips as he turns to grab his shirt. He pulls it on and you join him where he stands, pushing his hands aside as they go to button it up. You slowly make your way up as you button each of them up, glancing up into his eyes as you do so.

“Thank you,” You mutter as you finish the last one, wrapping your arms around his hard torso and leaning into him affectionately. He rests a hand on the small of your back and his chin on your head as you hug him.

“Just tellin the truth.” He mumbles, making you grin against his chest.

“C’mon, if we’re late Rosita will kill us.” You joke, heading back to the closet for the last time to change back into the first dress, Daryl’s words given you newfound confidence.

---

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