#I only vaguely remember the Aunt Rosa stuff

[slices-of-naranja]

Hm. Leo Valdez and Nico bonding over religious trauma.

Everyone points out that Nico would be Catholic since Italian, y’know, yeah, makes sense. But Leo Valdez is Texan, Mexican, and his Tía Rosa literally called him a demon when he came to live with her after his mother died (if I remember correctly). His first response at Camp Halfblood was to ask if God with a capital G was real. (Which, fair, a lot do that, but still).

Brother could make fire with his hands, experienced the worst tragedy of his life because of it, and just lived seven years not knowing what the fuck was up with that??? Being called a demon at eight years old, after all that he went through, by a religious Mexican lady would definitely have a lasting effect. (Speaking as a Catholic Mexican).

Like, you’re not gonna tell me that some part of him didn’t secretly believe that. That it wouldn’t keep him up at night, wondering what the fuck he was. That he didn’t look back at his fucked up childhood, at the lava and brimstone in his veins, and not think “What if she’s right? What if I’m going to hell? What if I am a monster? A demon?”

Killing is a sin. Murder is a sin. And whatever the fuck he was, whatever kind of horrid creature he is, it wasn’t getting into Heaven. Don’t tell me he wouldn’t cry at the sight of a nun. Get nervous when his fosters would take him to church. Whisper silent prayers to be fixed, to have whatever was broken inside of him, whatever he was being punished for, to stop. To maybe stop existing at all.

I’m willing to bet that when an eight year old knows for a fact he isn’t human, fire flowing through his blood, and gets called a demon because of it during the worst time in his life, when not being human caused the death of someone he loves, it might stick with him. He might believe the words thrown at him.

So, yeah, I think Nico and Leo would get along.

Also- literally not in the headspace to articulate this correctly but I hope u see my vision.

[demigod-shenanigans]

The choiceless hope in grief

Summary: Leo Valdez has lived and died for the gods. Their war has shaped his life since he was a baby. With Gaia defeated, he sort of hopes he can finally rest. He has friends and some semblance of home to return to for the first time since he was eight years old. Just this once, he allows himself to hope the good things might stick.

But the gods aren’t done with them just yet, by the time Leo finds his way back, Jason is gone.

This time, Leo decides he’s done just taking the Fates’ bullshit lying down. If getting his best friend back means striking a deal with the gods and venturing into the Underworld… well, it’s probably not even the most reckless thing he’s ever done.

The caveat of said deal? He has to trust Jason will follow him, or his self-doubt will doom them both.

And after the life he’s lived, Leo is so intricately familiar with self-doubt that he could probably trademark the word.

Or: The only possible way for Orpheus to succeed is if he learns to think of himself as a person worth loving.

Word Count for chapter 1: ~5k

Rating: Teen and Up

So! *claps hands together* I’ve been threatening you guys with my Orpheus Eurydice valgrace fic for a while! Technically I wanted to wait to post this until I’m completely done writing the fic, and I mostly intend to stick to that! I’m only posting this now because I have a minor surgery tomorrow and I’d rather be anxious about fic related things than about the surgery in question. So, take this chapter as a preview of sorts, more to come soon-ish but probably not immediately!

A couple of important notes before we start:

-TW for suicidal ideation. It’s less Leo actually wanting to die and more his canon behavior of “I’m doing something extremely reckless that might succeed but if it doesn’t, my death is an acceptable consequence”, paired with general grief related self-loathing, but if you think you’re not in the right headspace to read about that, come back when you are or at least tread carefully. This fic pics up at the end of The Burning Maze, so especially the beginning is pretty heavy on the grief stuff.

-Since ToA is vaguely canon to this fic, Leo and Calypso are technically dating in the beginning, but they don’t really interact positively as a couple (honestly they don’t interact that much in general) and break up pretty early on. Just be aware in advance that they’re still together for a little bit.

-Fic title is from Talk by Hozier which is maybe a painfully obvious pick but it was too perfect for me not to use it.

Chapter 1: Leo and Piper have an extended sleepover

It wasn’t a discussion between Leo and Piper whether or not to go to Jason’s funeral. They came to the decision that they wouldn’t silently—or as silently as one could come to an agreement when all parties involved were sobbing.

Maybe it should have been a discussion. There was a part of Leo that worried he’d regret this later—his refusal to take this chance to say goodbye and let himself grieve.

But Leo remembered his mother’s funeral. Remembered the way his aunt Rosa had looked at him like she knew his mother’s death had been his fault. Leo couldn’t stand the thought of people looking at him like that again.

He also didn’t remember his mother’s funeral bringing him any sense of closure or comfort. He’d stood at her grave, afterwards, just as desperate and afraid and utterly inconsolable as he’d been before the funeral, except it had suddenly felt sickeningly final. The wound it had torn in his soul had kept bleeding for years, and the scars would stay forever. He didn’t need any of Apollo’s shitty oracles to know Jason’s death would be exactly the same.

At this point, Leo was pretty sure his sanity was being held together by a combination of jokes and a truly questionable amount of duct tape.

Beyond all that, though, Camp Jupiter was a battlefield right now. It would continue to be a battlefield for the foreseeable future.

Leo wasn’t a coward. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go back and help. But one of his best friends was already in a box, and there was no way in hell he’d risk the other.

With how tightly Piper was clinging to him, maybe she was thinking the same thing. 

For all his big talk about dragon escorts, Festus did most of the actual escorting on his own, occasionally torching what Leo hoped were monsters and not random public monuments. Leo, for his part, spent most of the journey crammed into the backseat of the car next to Piper, sandwiched between her and a bunch of moving boxes that seemed determined to flatten him into a Leo-shaped pancake whenever they took a sharp turn.

He’d spent so long thinking about seeing her and Jason again. 

He’d talked Calypso’s ear off about them the whole journey, to the point where it had clearly started to annoy her. He’d thought about various ridiculous entrances he could make, and the fact that he’d probably get yelled at, but he’d also thought about sitting together by the campfire, sharing nachos. He’d thought about Jason hugging him so fiercely that he couldn’t breathe, and Piper cussing him out while she held him, making him promise never to do anything that reckless again.

Now Piper was actually holding him, and Leo couldn’t feel anything. There was a numbness in his chest. He wasn’t sure he had it in him to ever feel happiness again. Hell, even if he did, what was the fucking point? Every time anything even remotely good happened in his life, it got ripped away from him again.

They didn’t talk a whole lot for most of the drive. They cried until it felt like they couldn’t anymore, clinging to each other like desperate children.

Even if they’d wanted to talk about what had happened, Piper’s dad was right there, and despite the Mist usually working overtime for them, having him overhear seemed like a gamble. Or, well, maybe that was what Leo told himself. Maybe he just wasn't sure he was ready to hear it all. He still felt like he couldn’t think. He was overwhelmed to hell and couldn’t stop fidgeting.

Several hours into the trip, his stomach started grumbling. Piper dug through the bag at her feet and offered him one of her PB&J sandwiches, but Leo couldn’t eat. He hadn’t skipped a meal in forever—he’d been homeless and unsure when he’d even get access to the next meal enough times that it had been all but tattooed into his skull that he couldn’t afford to—but he couldn’t even think about eating without feeling sick. He thought about Jason. He thought about the state he’d left Camp Jupiter in and the fact that they hadn’t even been able to give the dead their proper funeral rites.

Had Leo’s help made any difference at all? Had anything he’d done in his life changed things even slightly?

Leo knew the Fates had intended for it to be fire that fell—for him to burn in a bright, hot blaze and turn himself to charcoal. But he’d refused to stay dead like a good little pawn, and now Jason was gone, and it was all his fault.

He wasn’t sure how Piper could even look at him right now, but he was beyond grateful that she was holding onto him as tightly as she did. It was the only reason he didn’t fall to pieces completely. The cog at the heart of Leo’s machine had broken in a way that made it utterly beyond repair, and now it felt like a matter of time before the whole thing came apart. Piper holding him was the only reason his remaining pieces were still functioning. 

It should have been impossible for Leo to fall asleep under these circumstances, but he’d been traveling for hours and fighting before then and he’d cried out his remaining energy, so eventually, the world started to fade around him, reduced to just the sound of Piper’s breaths, until finally, those went, too.

~~~~

It would have been kinder, maybe, if Leo had dreamed up some shitty visions promising violent death and/or the end of the world. That would have been business as usual. 

Instead, he dreamed of his time on the Argo II—of one of those early nights when the different groups were still getting to know each other, having a brief moment to breathe between their ridiculous tasks and saving the world. 

It had seemed reasonable to catch each other up on what had happened on their end. Percy, Hazel and Frank had talked about rescuing Thanatos, and Piper, Jason and Leo had told them what had happened with Hera in turn. 

This would have been a boring intel conversation at best, seeing as Leo had been there for all of their part, but they’d grabbed snacks and sat on cushions on the floor and made it a whole bonding activity. Jason had been wedged between Piper and Leo, and they’d taken turns storytelling. 

And Jason had bragged. So much. But he hadn’t even had the decency to brag about himself like a normal human being. Instead, he’d talked about how capable Piper and Leo had been, somehow managing to make Leo sound like the coolest person he’d ever met. Which was ridiculous, considering he’d met everyone else on their team.

And sure, Leo made it sound like he thought he was amazing all the time, but he was exaggerating, which everyone, himself included, knew. 

Jason didn’t seem to have gotten the memo, though. He had one arm wrapped around Leo the whole evening, and he got all starry-eyed when he talked. 

“Leo took on three Cyclopes by himself. Three!”

“Dude, stop!” Leo had laughed, shaking his head. “I know I’m incredible and you’re blessed to be friends with me and stuff, but you weren’t even conscious for that part.”

“Still happened, though.” Jason had beamed at him. “You’re amazing, dude. I would have died about fifteen times on that mission if it hadn’t been for you. You guys should’ve seen him.”

It would have been easier if Leo had thought Jason was just trying to talk him up to the others to make them more willing to trust him after how badly he’d messed up in New Rome, but Jason wasn’t the type. He’d looked like he honestly believed every single word he was saying.

So, of course, Leo had refused to seriously deal with any of the things that made him feel.

“Sorry, Pipes, but I’m pretty sure your boyfriend is in love with me. It’s the fire powers, I’m afraid. I’m just too hot to resist,” Leo had joked instead, and Piper had untangled herself from Jason’s other side to throw Doritos at Leo, and everything had been right in the universe.

~~~~

Waking up from that, blearily blinking himself awake in the car full of moving boxes and remembering… that was a worse punch in the gut than waking up from most nightmares had been. And Leo should know. He’d had so many of those over the years that he was basically a certified nightmare expert at this point.

Leo wanted to go back in time and spend forever in that one evening, living it over and over and over again until the Fates or a temporal paradox or something eventually killed him. He wanted to hold on to what they’d been back then—the three of them together and happy and whole,back before they’d realized what the prophecy really meant. 

He wanted to stay wrapped in Jason’s arm and hear him laugh at whatever stupid joke Leo came up with while he and Piper threw snacks at each other like ten year olds. He wanted to believe he could actually be the person Jason was bragging about—this invincible hero that could do just about anything and saved people’s lives.

But Leo had never been that hero. Even his sacrifice had been the selfish decision of a coward who wasn’t ready to die just yet. Jason had been their Superman. The guy who could fly and threw lightning and saved people from falling to their deaths. Jason had been the hero. And ultimately, that had been what killed him.

Leo wasn’t exactly sure what he planned to do once they got to Oklahoma. He should have been heading back to the Waystation, to give Calypso the normal life he’d promised. But he wasn’t thinking about Calypso, or the Waystation, and the thought of a normal life had gone out of the window the second he’d seen the coffin. Besides, the Waystation would mean people asking questions, wanting to know about his mission and asking him to talk about his feelings, and he didn’t want that.

The only thing Leo really wanted to do right now was not think. 

By the time they got to the house, it was so late that cross-country dragon flight seemed inadvisable for visibility reasons alone, so Leo agreed to stay the night. Festus nuzzled him for a bit, got a fuel snack from the canister Leo had brought and then folded down into his million pound suitcase form for the night.

It took a little under two hours to carry all the boxes inside, which was an annoying amount of time to be carrying boxes but seemed like an absurdly short amount to move the contents of an entire life.

They spent some time in search of the necessities that needed to be unpacked, but the house was still furnished and also had running water and electricity as of a few days ago, so it wasn’t that bad.

While Piper went in search of some ancient camping gear so Leo wouldn’t have to sleep on the floor—this seemed silly to him, the floor was far from the worst place he’d ever slept—Leo asked Piper’s dad if he could help with dinner. 

Tristan looked relieved at his offer, actually. He’d been staring at the assorted vegetables with a slightly lost expression, trying to hack at one of the zucchinis with a butter knife. It seemed like he was trying to remember how cooking worked and had just discovered he had absolutely no idea. 

Considering how long he’d been an insanely rich guy with a personal cook, Leo guessed that actually might have been a pretty accurate read on the situation. 

“You might want to try a sharper knife,” Leo suggested, which made Piper’s dad look absolutely mortified. “Try not to chop off any of your fingers, though. I think Piper’s been traumatized enough for one week.”

The words were out of his mouth before Leo could think to stop them. Tristan didn’t laugh, but at least it didn’t seem like he’d be tossing Leo out of the house over this. Maybe he realized people sometimes said stupid shit when they were grieving. Maybe Piper had just warned him in advance that Leo was like this sometimes.

Tristan just went to find a different knife, which would have maybe been concerning if he hadn’t gone back to hacking at the vegetables a moment later.

“Well, at least this one is actually cutting through the zucchinis. That’s already an improvement.”

“Yeah, I’m basically a cooking expert,” Leo said with a grin, only half-joking. He went to peel and chop up the carrots, and was done with those and about half the mushrooms by the time the poor zucchini had been hacked to bits.

“You and Piper went to school together, right?” Tristan asked after a while of them quietly chopping vegetables for the casserole, trying to make sense of things with information he didn’t have and that, judging from past evidence, probably would have made his skull crack. “You and her and Jason.”

“Yeah. We went to Wilderness school together.” Leo winced, trying not to think too hard of Jason while also trying to remember the lies they’d already told Piper’s dad. At this rate, he was pretty worried his own skull would crack, too. “Then all three of us switched to a different school. Then I was gone for a while.”

Tristan nodded like this made perfect sense, though he mostly seemed lost in thought. That was a little rude, in Leo’s opinion. If he went through all that effort to remember their elaborate setup of lies, the least Piper’s dad could do was appreciate it!

“I’m glad you’re here now, with everything that’s happened. Piper was really upset when you left,” Tristan said, still with that faraway look in his eyes. “The last few months were hard for her. Between the move and the breakup, she really could have used a friend.”

Leo promptly lost all rights to make fun of Piper’s dad and his vegetable chopping skills because at the word ‘breakup’, the knife slipped and he nearly sliced off two of his fingers.

“Fuck! Ow!” he said eloquently, trying to avoid bleeding all over the cutting board in his attempt to get to the sink. “Jason and Piper broke up?”

The question sounded absurd even to his own ears. Why would Jason and Piper break up? They’d been happy together.

Surely, Piper’s dad had to be talking about something else.

To Leo’s shock, Tristan nodded.

“A while ago, yes,” he said, but he didn’t go into details—possibly because Leo was bleeding all over the sink. “We should bandage that. Do you think you need stitches?”

“No, the cuts aren’t that deep,” Leo decided, turning on the faucet and holding his bleeding hand under the stream of cold water. Maybe he should have been more concerned about the injury, but his mind was still whirring at the thought of his best friends breaking up. Unfortunately, the cold water stung like hell. He hissed with pain. “Sorry for making your kitchen look like a crime scene right after moving in. Usually, I at least have the decency to wait a day or two.”

Because the house was a small, cozy place and Leo had not had the decency to curse quietly, Piper appeared in the doorway a moment later, an alarmed expression on her face.

“What happened?”

“I’ve been bested by a stupid potato,” Leo cursed, holding up his bleeding hand and wiggling his fingers for emphasis. He figured out immediately that this was a mistake. “Ow.”

“Stop that, dumbass!” Piper cursed, moving to stand beside him. “Sink was the right call, but you need to use soap or the cuts could get infected. Dad, any chance we have gauze lying around somewhere?”

Tristan didn’t seem to question why his daughter had immediately jumped into emergency medical treatment mode. He just abandoned the cutting board and headed for the front door.

“Not exactly sure what box our regular medical supplies are in, but I’ll get the first aid kit from the car. I’ll be right back.”

“Do we have to do the soap?” Leo whined, because fuck, that stung, but Piper nodded with a scary expression on her face, so he complied. “How do you even know this stuff? Are we sure you’re not secretly an Apollo kid?”

“I know this stuff because I’m friends with a bunch of morons who have zero sense of self-preservation,” Piper cursed, gritting her teeth. “You shouldn’t be around knives when you’re this distracted.”

“I can usually cook just fine when I’m distracted. Your dad was the one who told me you and Jason broke up in the middle of this stupid potato,” Leo said defensively. “Is that the Mist messing with him?”

That was the only explanation his mind had supplied so far that made any sense to him.

Piper shook her head. “We really did break up. That was a few months ago.”

Leo felt his jaw hit the floor. 

“What the hell happened? You were together for ages. I thought- you always seemed so happy.”

“I know, but-” Piper broke off abruptly when her dad came back inside with the first aid kit. Demigod stuff, then?

Leo’s mind was racing. The breakup was a completely stupid thing to focus on, considering everything that had happened in the last few days. He knew that.

But it was easier to try and make sense of this than it was to try and make sense of the fact that Jason was gone and he’d never get to see him again.

“Is it alright if we do this somewhere else?” Piper asked her dad, taking the first aid kit from him.

“Of course. It might be easier to patch him up when you’re both sitting down, anyway.” He turned towards Leo. “Thank you for your help, but I think I can take it from here.”

Leo sent a silent prayer to whichever deity was responsible for protecting vegetables—Demeter, probably?—and gave what he hoped was an encouraging thumbs up with his uninjured hand before he followed Piper into the hallway to presumably be reprimanded some more.

~~~~ They ended up sitting on an old bed that looked like it had lived a long, miserable life and was excited for retirement, but the wooden frame thankfully didn’t break down under the weight of the new mattress or the additional weight of them sitting on said mattress. Piper explained that this had been her dad’s room when he’d lived here as a child, and that it would probably become her room now. Then she went very quiet and focused on bandaging his hand, clearly avoiding looking at him.

“It wasn’t because of me, was it?” Leo asked. The thought made him feel ill. “Please tell me it wasn’t something like, I don’t know, you two being unable to stand being around each other after what happened to me. I think I’d actually have to blow myself up again if it was.”

He tried to make it sound like a joke, but it didn’t feel like one at all. The thought that he'd managed to ruin his best friends’ relationship on top of everything else made it hard to breathe.

When Piper shook her head, it felt like a whole boulder was lifted off his shoulders.

“I actually think we would have broken up sooner if you hadn’t gone missing. We leaned on each other a lot after you disappeared. It wasn’t until we realized we wouldn’t find you and things started to settle down a little that I had time to think. And when I did…” Her voice went very quiet, and she still didn’t look up at him. “I realized I wasn’t happy in the relationship. I don’t think I ever was.”

“How did I not know that?” Leo wondered quietly. “I just… you two seemed happy to me. What kind of garbage best friend am I?”

Piper shook her head. “It isn’t your fault. I was telling myself I was happy for a long time. It’s almost- sometimes I wonder if I was charmspeaking myself. That maybe I kept saying I was in love with Jason until I convinced myself I actually was. And with Hera and my mom setting it up… I love-” her voice caught in her throat, and Leo felt like maybe he needed to throw up, “-loved Jason, but not like that.”

“Pipes, I’m really sorry.” Leo squeezed her shoulder. “That sounds like it was super hard for both of you.” Leo felt awful about the fact that he hadn’t even been around to comfort either of them, but it wasn’t like he could fix it now. It was just another item on Leo’s unending list of epic screwups he’d never be able to make up for.

“Jason was… well, he took it exactly like I expected him to. He was surprised, but he didn’t get angry or anything. He mostly seemed okay. Part of me wonders if maybe…” But whatever Piper had been thinking about, she seemed to decide it wasn’t important. “It was hard to get a proper read on him, and as nice as he was about it, things were still super awkward after. I'm terrified he died thinking I didn’t care about him.”

And then she was tearing up again, and Leo thought he would shatter if she cried. 

“He knew you cared,” he said as earnestly as he could manage, pulling Piper to his chest again. “You love way too annoyingly for him not to have known. Hell, even I know you love me, and we both know I’m a fucking nightmare when it comes to this stuff.”

“I missed you so much,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around his back like it was the easiest thing in the world.

“Oh, I’m about to make you regret saying that,” Leo said, forcing himself to smile. “I’ll bring it up each and every time you say you find something I do annoying.”

“You’re annoying as hell, but you’re still my best friend.” He could feel her tears dripping onto his shoulder, and he knew that would make him start up again too. “I don’t know how I’d do this without you.”

And well, passing away from dehydration after crying too much would be a really lame way to die the second time, but everything was just too much right now, so if that was how he went, Leo wasn’t sure anyone could blame him.

~~~~

For the next couple of weeks, Leo stayed.

Helping Piper and her dad unpack was the perfect way to keep himself occupied and not have to think. Usually, a mundane task like this probably would have driven Leo nuts. But right now, it was a bit of a godsend—if not literally, at least figuratively. Being productive was always so much easier when it was done in order to avoid something you wanted to do even less. There was a reason his spaces in the foster homes had only ever been tidy when he had exams coming up.

He helped cook, too, and Piper’s dad became increasingly less garbage at it the longer this went on—like muscle memory was finally kicking in after years of disuse.

It was mostly good—listening to Piper reminisce about trips she’d taken with her dad and where she’d gotten the weird variety of items she kept in her room. When they weren’t unpacking, Leo and Piper played video games or watched movies or explored the area. Twice, during the night, they took Festus on a little flight to a nearby fast food place. Finding a parking spot was a bit of a nightmare, unfortunately. Leo would submit a complaint about their inability to accommodate celestial bronze dragons the first chance he got.

The first time they tried hiking—Leo didn’t even like hiking, he’d spent enough time outside for several lifetimes, why did he do this to himself—they got hopelessly lost in the woods, and of course, due to demigod bullshit, neither of them had brought a phone, so Google Maps wasn’t an option. It was probably for the better. The last thing that situation needed on top of them being lost was a monster attack. 

They were already jokingly planning out their new life in the woods when, thankfully, a girl their age came to their rescue.

“A human being! Thank the gods. The squirrels weren’t talking to us,” Leo greeted her, which had Piper shout “Please ignore Leo!” loudly from the branches of the tree she’d been climbing.

The girl lifted her head, spotted Piper and promptly burst out laughing.

“What in the world are you doing up there?” 

“Trying to get a better vantage point,” Piper sighed, making her way back down the tree. “We’re hopelessly lost.”

“Well, nice to meet you, hopelessly lost. I’m Shel,” the girl said, still grinning. Leo decided immediately that he liked her.

Piper had almost made it back down when she somehow missed a branch and fell the rest of the way. In comedic movie fashion, Shel moved before Leo had the chance to and caught her mid-tumble. “That was a bit of a dramatic way to get my attention, but you’re cute, so I’ll allow it.”

“Oh yeah, Piper’s got a bit of a thing with falling for people that way,” Leo commented, and Piper gave him her most murderous look while she got back on her feet.

“You guys need help getting back?”

“Please, yes,” Piper said immediately. “It turns out we’re both garbage with maps.”

“Maybe you just need a tour guide next time,” Shel suggested, winking at Piper, whose face turned scarlet. Leo wasn’t even mad about being the third wheel for once. He’d give her so much shit about this later.

And he did. And then Piper properly came out to him—no label or anything, mostly as extremely confused but sure she liked girls, which also made a few additional pieces click into place regarding her breakup with Jason. She ended her anxiety-riddled explanation by thanking Leo for being so normal and annoying about all this. 

Which was how Leo realized he’d apparently never told Piper he was bi.

Or maybe he had, and it had gotten lost along with their other memories of Wilderness. Stupid memory-stealing babysitters.

Well, at least they got to hug about it now. 

~~~~

It was strange how normal some days felt when nothing would ever truly be normal again. When in every moment Leo and Piper spent together, the gaping hole that had been ripped into their trio was so blatantly obvious.

The benefit and problem of this friendship was that Leo and Piper were both experts at not talking about things they were struggling with. 

This wasn’t exactly news. From what little Leo did remember of Wilderness School, they’d spent months not talking about his mom, or about the fact that Piper’s dad kept canceling their weekend plans. They’d both known there were things left unsaid, but as long as they’d been able to cheer each other up, that hadn’t really mattered. It made sense, honestly. Put two people who hadn’t had a shoulder to cry on for ages in a room together and see what happens!

Right now, this meant they were expertly ignoring the box of belongings Piper had picked up from Jason’s school. It had been pushed so far under the bed during that first night that it was no longer visible, and neither of them made any effort to move it out of its new home since. They ignored the topic of Jason, period, until it inevitably hit them in the face again. 

It was mostly dumb shit that set them off. Piper automatically reaching for vanilla ice cream at the grocery store because it was Jason’s favorite—seriously, who in their right mind even liked vanilla ice cream?

Sometimes, Leo would make a joke and burst into tears instead of laughing because he knew it would have cracked Jason up. They found old photos unpacking. One time, Piper’s dad suggested they make tacos and they started simultaneously bawling their eyes out.

Leo had spent a long time exactly like this—pretending everything was normal and okay when it wasn’t either of those things until he inevitably broke down. Then he’d started to actually feel sort of okay whenever he was with Jason and Piper. Now, he was sure he would spend the rest of his life pretending.

His appetite was too used to being stuck in survival mode for him to bow to nausea for long, so he went back to eating properly after a few days. He still cried himself to sleep most nights. He kept dreaming about Jason. The memories wrapped themselves around him like a safety blanket that he knew would get ripped away again in the morning. He always woke up feeling empty. Sometimes, he wished he could just go to sleep and never wake up again.

But other than that, it was mostly good.

Then demigod communications went back up, and everything went to hell.

———

Chapter notes:

Fun fact! I originally planned for this chapter (as well as the next few chapters) to just be backstory in my head and for me to maybe do a flashback or two. Unfortunately for me, Piper McLean waltzed into the room and refused to leave.

I do actually think the fic works better this way, but it will take a second to get to the plot! Hopefully you’ll enjoy the whole journey :)

I may not be able to have Leo and Piper go to Jason’s funeral without seriously messing with the plot of Tyrant’s Tomb, but I could at least pick the most evil reason possible for them not to go!

Side note: I sort of forgot that Hedge and Mellie were supposed to be here according to TBM, but by the time I remembered I already had this chapter written out and, as someone who cannot be bothered to figure out how to write them, I decided to just leave it. ToA is vaguely canon to this universe, but only for the most part. Some details are inaccurate, and I think that’s okay.

Anyway, thank you so much for reading! Comments and reblogs super, super appreciated as always!!

List of people that at some point asked to be tagged when I post this: @poppitron360 @ginnyluna @keefessketchbook (feel free to comment if you want to get taken off or be put on the tag list for future chapters!)

[elane-in-the-shadows]

Drabbles... #8 Shade and any of his family not Farley or Mare. :)

#8 - “Forget it. You fucking suck.” 

Fade Modern AU  - A NewPlace

A/N: I’m so sorry this took me so horribly long. I can’t excuse myself saying I didn’t know what to write since the basics of the story were in my mind for a while. I can only hope the long time means I made the best version of it. As this is a modern AU, there’s a lot of real lfe stuff (as in my other AUs), but please don’t take it too seriously, I don’t have reliable personal experiences in every regard ;-)

As most of my stories, my Modern AUs are related/taking place in the same story at different times. Here are the other parts:

A New Place

Growing Up

The Dinner

Roman Holiday

The Wedding

Find this on wattpad and on AO3

Shade POV

When I wake, all I seeis her face. I blink, too tired even to just move my hands and rub my eyes. Itfeels like the middle of the night.

Only the small bedside lamp fights the darkness, itsreddish sheen gentle to my senses as it reveals Diana’s widely open eyes. Shecrouches beside the bed, her hand on my shoulder.

“Sorry,” she says, because she woke me up. “Justtelling you I’m leaving for work.” She bites her lip, seeming insecure. “Andthen I’ll be at the uni, so until later … the afternoon.”

“Bye,” I whisper with a yawn.

She smiles faintly. She lingers, undecided whether tostay or go. I don’t want her to go, want to fix her with my eyes although I canbarely keep them open. I can only feel her fingers squeezing my shoulder oncemore, and her lips brushing a kiss on my temple. Then she rises and I wish tostay awake even more and to give her a real goodbye. But I barely notice herwhispered “sleep well,” and neither when she turns off the lamp and closes thedoor, leaving me behind to rest on in this cold and dim early morning.

I don’t remember what I dream afterwards, but when I’mconscious enough, I see Diana’s beautiful face, illuminated by the warm, redlight.

The secondtime I wake today, I’m hit by Diana’s absence. Theharshness of aloneness unsettles me, indeed so much I wonder where I am. Ittakes me a minute to recognize Dee’s flat. Our flat now, since I moved inyesterday. It doesn’t feel that way, like my home. When I stayed the nightbefore, it was at days when we both had the same schedule. On a free day, itmeant sleeping late, cuddling in each other’s arms, and a big and longbreakfast. If not, we woke together and left together. I thought that werecouple things to do. How wrong I was. Only now, alone here for the first time,I learn that Dee made it a welcoming place for me. Without her, I’m a fish outof water.

Between my bags and boxes, most still unpacked, andthe few things we’ve already found space for, the herness of the placespeaks to me. Her smell and phantom shape left on the bed, the book and waterbottle beside it. There’s the rack by the door, with my coat hanging ungainlynext to her bi scarf, her summer jacket and the empty space where her coat hasbeen, and a couple of clothes lying here and there. She doesn’t bother to putaway all of them, although the closet is just a meter away from them, from thebed, from the desk filled with her papers in progress. Everything is soclose to everything, the space made even tighter with the onslaught of myboxes. Separated from the “bedroom” only by an open wall, I can see the kitchencorner and its table from the bed, where some food or drink always lie readyfor a quick snack of the single inhabitant. The bathroom, invisibly on theother side of the wall, would be even worse, organized thoroughly utilitarianto see to Dee’s needs.

She left in a rush today, I remember, too fast andquiet for having cleaned much. Yet I find no stains of a breakfast at all andinadvertently, I ball my fists. Did she skip breakfast so she wouldn’t disturbmy sleep even more? Or was it a bout of morning sickness that killed herappetite? If so, it’s another thing I failed to notice. I moved in to be therefor her now that she’s pregnant, and all I feel is out of place and useless.

I let myself fall down onto the chair at the kitchentable and stare at the bread instead of eating it. I don’t know how we’llmanage. I can’t imagine how a child should grow up in this little den where Ican hardly find space for myself. I snort at the silly thought, as I didn’tgrow up a mansion either.

I promised Diana.

Yet I know the difference between wishing andbelieving and I feel anything but certainty.

While Dee’sday is scheduled with duties, I have the day off. We eventalked about this before, making it a reason for when to move in. “You canunpack and clean a bit,” she proposed, and I agreed, thinking nothing aboutstaying “home” alone for the first time. But the cleaning reminds me this isnot my home, and unpacking of how much more work and re-shelving the nextmonths – no, years – will bring.

After one bag of clothes, I give up. I grab twolecture books I’ve littered on the floor and snatch my messenger bag to getout.

I hesitate at the door, thinking what a horribleboyfriend am. I’m running away, I realize. But not really, I want tobelieve. I run to shake loose the looming dread, wishing to get one gaspingbreath outside of here. I hope.

I can’tconcentrate on the books while riding the train taking me to myhometown. My thoughts keep on revolving around that specific personal problemthat leaves no entry way for neither Socrates, nor Plato, nor Aristotle. Afterall, I know it isn’t nice to run to my family, about to tell them about its newmember without Dee present. She’s alluded to the matter before, vaguely, butnot decidedly. I let it rest in my uncertainly. Probably, she didn’t thinkabout it that much. She doesn’t have many people to tell, unlike me.

She needed some time before she told me about herfamily, but when she did, her relief in sharing her story was palpable. Almostlike she’s glad to have me as a family now.

I’ve felt proud about it, to be honest, as I suspectedshe trusted her college friend Tristan as much as me. They seem so close,having made me wonder what exactly went on between them. But as I got to knowhim better, my suspicions dissolved piece by piece. They’re friends, and godsknow she needs them, having come here to study as a foreigner. If she toldTristan her personal history, good for her. But I stick to the honour of havingbeen the first she trusted with her family’s fate.

Her mother and younger sister died in a car crash,mere months before her high school graduation. Her father wasn’t even home butoff on a military mission at the time.

His return for the funeral and to take care of thingsdidn’t improve the situation, least of all the relationship to his daughter. Hestayed with Dee until she left the house, the country, to study abroad and live with her aunt Rosa, hermother’s cousin.

Although Diana relied on family when she came here, itstill astounds me she needed to get away from her home, her family, hermemories in the first place. I’m going to all of them, at least for today, hopingto find my way. My dad’s been a soldier too, until he was gravely injured andforced into an early retirement. He still struggles with his past and his newlife, so I can imagine some of Dee’s problems with her father. I don’t pressher about contacting her father as it’s not my decision to make. I’m here tosupport her once she knows how to treat him. But I’d never be able to cut awaymy family from my life.

I doubt that’s Diana’s wish either. She misses the peopleshe’s lost and she’s grateful for Aunt Rosa. We told her about the baby a fewdays ago, when we started to prepare my move-in. While Dee just spat out thetruth after some hesitation, I hardly know what to say and Rosa hardly knewwhat to reply. But that awkwardness, the accidental eye contacts, pauses andhand-wringing, bonded us in a weird way.

Rosa’s cool, obviously, from what I’ve seen of her.She travels often due to her work, so Dee fends for herself most of the time,which gives me hope it’ll work out in the future too, when Rosa’s small housewill have not only one, but two new inhabitants. So far, Diana’s been hesitantto ask Aunt Rosa to take more rooms for herself – for us – although she doesthink we’ll need a study room for one of us to work alone without infantdisturbances. It’ll happen eventually, and this is why I’m moving in after all. Dee’s livings are easier to adapt for couple with a baby than collegedorms or a new flat.

The roads of the Stiltsare as wet as in the city, and as I walk the three kilometers to my old house,I pull up my hood against the wind and occasional raindrops. Yet rays ofsunshine break through the heavy grey clouds every now and then, giving onefalse expectations for a nicer weather. A tiny spot of warmth doesn’t drive offthe cold, or the winter settling in. Thus when I see the transporter at ourhouse, I don’t hesitate to ring the doorbell to get in.

I rue it immediately. I wasted my time not thinkingabout what to say. And while I crave just to jump into Mom’s arms, I don’tdesire to break Dee’s trust and spill out everything without her. I take a stepback like a coward, intending to re-consider my options. But before onepresents itself, the door opens, with my brother Tramy on the threshold, a mugin hand.

He smirks. “Hey, where do you come from!” he exclaimsand pulls me in. I follow without resistance. My brothers and I have ourquarrels, but I’ve missed him too much. The sight of the corridors, crammedwith our stuff, the smells of the rooms, the sounds … no, there are nosounds besides our shuffling feet.

I blink. “Is … no one here?”

“I’m here.” He laughs as we reach the kitchen. I rollmy eyes and sit down. Tramy chuckles as he refills his mug, obviously withcoffee, and raises his eyebrows suggestively when he takes the seat oppositemine. “Maybe you’ve forgotten in your fancy college life,” he says, “but it’s aweekday?”

I give him a shove although I do blush at his correctassumptions. I prompt only more chuckling. “What, it’s true,” Tramy says. “Thegirls are in school, Mom’s at work and Dad is at physio. Remember?”

I nod, blushing harder. And our oldest brother Breehas moved out, too. Yet I cross my arms obstinately and lean back. “And you?”

He takes a long sip from his mug and rises from hischair. “I should offer you a drink too, huh?”

“Like a good host?” I smirk. “Don’t worry, I don’tthink I count as a guest yet.”

He nods along and gets a coke from the fridge, andfills a glass that he shoves to me. I raise it in thanks.

“Finished the job in the neighbourhood early,” Tramyexplains. “I thought that’s the perfect chance for a good lunch at home.” Hewinks. “Don’t tell my boss.”

“You have lunch?” I ask.

“Sorry, too late.” He pats his belly and laughs whileI shake my head in jested accusation. The idea of our parents’ homemade food ismouth-watering. I down my coke instead.

“Why don’t know tell me why you’re really here?” Tramyasks, all jokes and amusement gone from his demeanour.

I freeze, startled and at loss for words, but Tramy’sseriousness doesn’t falter. It’s me who skittishly breaks eye contact to stareat my hands, knowing Tramy’s gaze remains on me. “I wanted to get some stuff,”I say with a shrug, lifting my head without looking anywhere. “I, uh, moved outof the dorm.”

“You what?!” he cries out. “Shade, you didn’t fuck up,did you? Didn’t leave college? Or got expelled? Tell me you aren’t ruining yourlife!”

“No! Tramy, please.” He’s rather morebewildered. I realize I’m again in the corner I wanted to avoid. And didn’t I‘fuck up’, in a way? “Maybe,” I concede, before a cackle overtakes me anddestroys any inklings of composure. I laugh so hard I start coughing, swallowit out, and laugh more, until my eyes tear up. So it takes me a moment tonotice Tramy’s aghast face, but even that doesn’t help me calm down quicker.The chuckles are still dying slowly as I hide my face with my hands, wiping myface.

“Don’t worry,” I manage to say eventually, “I moved inwith my girlfriend.” I lower my hands when Tramy sighs and in this second offalse relief, the words slip out, to never be taken back. “She’s pregnant.”

The following set of Tramy’s expressions are imagesfor the gods. Relief switches to shock, into disbelief and then amusement thatfreezes as it, finally, shifts into the appalled realization that I meant whatI said. He stares at me, with compassion and helplessness.

I wonder what I’ve looked like in these last seconds.I’ve no idea.

Tramy doesn’t ask more. He takes my hands, then he’sbeside me, hugging my head to his stomach, for I don’t know how long. I relaxinto is presence. He isn’t Mom or Dad, not my best friend, but he gives mesomething I need right now.

Shouldn’t Dee and I give that to one another?

The thorn of the sudden doubt cramps my heart. But I dowant this with Diana. We had it, and we’ll have it again. I won’t let stress,demands, responsibility, money, fucking life, take it from us.

“Have you thought about buying her flowers, Shade?”says Tramy, and pulls me out of my thoughts – as I pull away from him.

“What?”

He smiles. “A bouquet of flowers for congratulation.Roses – or whatever she likes. We have quite a variety at the workshop,especially for occasions … like this.” He shrugs. “Of course, I’ll give you‘uncle discount’,” he finishes with a wink.

M chair scrapes the floor as I jump up. Suddenly, Ican’t deal with teases. “Forget it, you fucking suck,” I snort, throwing up myarms and then grapping my bag to leave.

He runs after me, full of apologies. He clasps myshoulder and I turn, wanting to apology myself, to explain that Diana isn’tinto flowers. I can’t. Because Tramy’s more than sorry or concerned, he’sashamed.

“Sorry,” he says oncemore in an unsettlingly coarse voice. “I shouldn’t have … I mean, if you don’t… want …” He swallows, and I understand before he has to go on with hisstruggle for words.

“That’s not it,” I sayquickly. “That’s not it,” I repeat, quieter now, and let my head sink.

Tramy gestures to thecouch and I follow suit without resistance. Again, I sit down as he crouches infront of me, keeping silent to wait for me.

“We’ve having thebaby,” I state. He nods. “And I thought, uh, I don’t know what exactly. To askMom and Das about … stuff. Or for stuff.” I look up into Tramy’s eyes. “To behonest, I was uncertain whether to tell you all yet, without Diana. I guess, Icame without a plan.” I cackle, and I’m grateful Tramy doesn’t remark theobvious – although his creased brow speaks by itself.

But as I don’tcontinue, he swallows the words on his tongue, finding something better to ask:“What do you want, then?”

I snort. The decisivequestion. As if it didn’t chase me everywhere nowadays. “You don’t have to pityme, Tramy. I know what I’m getting into. I hope. I mean, we, Dee and I, we doour best.”

“I didn’t imply theopposite, but that’s not what I’ve asked about,” he retorts, his eyes boringinto mine. “Is it what you want? Because you don’t seem … elated.”

“I want Dee, okay?!” Isnap. “I love her, and I’m not letting her alone with it.” I gather the energyto dart one fierce glare at him before I fall back onto the couch.

“She asked me the samething, you know,” I begin. “But what should I have said? I couldn’t tell herwhat to do, and it was obvious she didn’t want an abortion. I don’t know whetherI would’ve wanted that, but …” I shrug. I lean farther back, so I face theceiling. “After a while, she told me why. She couldn’t imagine doing it. Not ingeneral, but for herself. She’s … lost too many people she loved to give up another.”

Silence. “And do youthink that’s unfair?” Tramy asks eventually, trying to tread carefully.

I jerk up anyway.“Unfair? That I support her in what concerns us both?” I shake my head. “It’sunfair it’s happening now. Unfair we couldn’t plan to have a child at our pace.Unfair that our situation is so insecure. Unfair that our child will have togrow up with this insecurity too.”

I’m afraid. So, soafraid. But I also wish to meet this new person that’s both Dee and me andsomeone entirely their own, and see them grow up. Sometimes, I dare to thinkabout how it’ll be, and not only to wonder about the problems it’ll bring. Iimagine their smiles and wobbly tries to stand, their first words and theSpanish I could teach –

“But it’s not unfairthat it exists, nor that the woman I love wants to … ah …” Heat creeps up myface. “That she wants a family with me,” I manage to conclude.

Tramy, having listenedattentively to my declaration, starts to grin like an idiot. “My little bro’sbecoming a dad,” he says. “Congratulations.”

I give him a shove. Hissmile becomes broader, and I feel my eyes starting to wet. “You could say‘thanks’,” Tramy reminds me, but instead of doing so, I fall forward andembrace him.

He returns the hug, hishands stroking my back during my sobs. I’m shocked this happens for the secondtime today, with him, but I’m not complaining. After the doubts plaguing metoday, I finally find my ground.

“Don’t tell the others,okay?” I rasp. “As I’ve said, I’m glad to have talked to you, but Dee and Ishould tell you all together. We’ll visit soon, or something.”

He pulls away to lookat me, his silly grin still plastered on his face. “Sure,” he agrees. “But canyou tell me before you come? I might get you something.”

I sigh, “Tramy …”

“No, listen. I’ll getyour girlfriend a plant, a nice little orange tree from the workshop.” Hewinks. “Then you can train to look after someone.”

“What? I don’t think –“

“And whenever Dianasees the tree, she can think of the us Barrows, welcoming her into the family.”

I’m too stunned forwords. I believe Diana will be too, if Tramy actually does it. But even so, Iknow he’s absolutely right. It’s a gesture she’ll cherish.

“That’s … cool. I mean,thanks,” I reply, awfully helpless, and wipe my face.

He accepts my gratitudewith grace.

I forgo my intention to searchthrough whatever baby utensils we might still have in attic; as the ones who’dknow, our parents and Gisa, aren’t here and Tramy has to return to his job. Inthe end, I guess I didn’t come to find some old blankets I won’t need formonths, but for something else. And I believe I’ve found it.

My brother offers tobring me to the train station with his transporter and I agree. When we arriveand I’m about to jump out of the cabin after a half-hug-handshake, Tramy pullson my sleeve. “Wait a sec,” he asks, and then we both go out to round thetransporter form different sides. Tramy rummages through the cargo area untilhe can produce a tiny bouquet of three red flowers that look like oversized daisies.

“Gerbera,” Tramyinforms me.

I raise an eyebrow.

“Well, I still think youshould give Diana a little present. It’s a treat from me, of course,” he adds.

“Okay, thanks, butactually, I didn’t go along with your bouquet idea because Dee isn’t intoflowers. At all.” He laughs. “What?!” I snap.

He pats my shoulder.“Shade, I won’t go on telling you that all women secretly love flowers becauseI know you’d only say I’m repeating florist ads, but see it like this:” Hetakes a breath and spreads his arms wide. “These are something nice andpretty,” he begins, and holds the bouquet toward me. “And before we talked, youdidn’t appear to feel nice and pretty at all.” When I frown, he adds, “nooffense, I don’t mean your face. But I’m just saying, put these in your flat,look at them, smell them, and think of today. Of anything you enjoy. Let themcheer you up for a second, okay?” He winks and hands me the flowers.Begrudgingly, I take them.

“You make adisturbingly good gardener-florist,” I admit.

He waits.

“And I’m glad of it.”

“You’re welcome,” heanswers, and we go on our ways.

Back at home, Dee’s home, I getback to settle myself in, to unpack and re-order, with more vigour than in themorning. I shove down my doubts about whether she’ll like changes in theclutter as they’re necessary. The sinking feeling remains, and it still nearpanics me to imagine a child and their things fitting in here as well. A baby, I remind myself, as in the end,we can always search for a bigger place in a few years. If we can afford one –

Still, while the weighton my heart has lightened, the prospect of thinking in years pulls me down to earth, every time again. But that isn’t abad thing. I won’t let it be.

With what I find in thekitchen, I prepare myself a late lunch, one also large enough to serve asdinner for Diana and me, once she comes home. Indeed, her absence tells me howlong this day has been. I make the best of being alone, starting with my ownpapers and homework after eating. The understanding and the words arrive fasternow with my new determination, while the sight of my phone poses a temptation totext or call Dee to feel closer to her.

I think I only refrainbecause while cleaning up, I saw she’s currently attending a lecture; thus Idon’t want to disturb her. I get back to writing.

I’ll have to learn herschedule by heart fast.

Darkness falls early thislate in the year. It doesn’t assist me in staying concentrated forever, so I’myawning for the fifth time and finally shut down my laptop when the dooropens. I sit up immediately and get up when Diana enters. She looks tired anddishevelled.

Instead of greetingher, I take her into my arms and she doesn’t hesitate for a second to leanagainst me. “I missed you,” I say softly, brushing her hair and loosening itsbraid even more by doing so.

“Missed you too,” shemumbles, before turning her head to kiss my cheek. I feel goose bumps at hertouch, while she’s wearing a thick coat that rustles at our movements.

She’s out of itquickly, tossing it and her bag aside in a motion so natural she must’ve doneso hundreds of times. Her fingers play with mine as she leads me to the bed tolay down. I rush to slide my laptop away. She groans as she let herself sinkinto the bed. “You didn’t have to stop working because I’m home,” she says.

“I did already. I’mjust making space.” When she raises her eyebrows, I add, “oh come on, we are still adjusting to living together.”

“We are,” she admits,smiling faintly. “But honestly, I’m too tired to work on it tonight.” She yawnsin demonstration, although it makes me worry a bit. Dee’s so energetic most ofthe time, is it the pregnancy that tires her? And if not directly, shouldn’tshe be careful not to exhaust herself either way? But I don’t tell her so.“Surely you’re hungry?” I ask instead.

“Later,” she mumbles,“give me a moment.”

I do. She splays on thebed she’s still used to sleep alone in on most nights, looking peacefulhalf-dozing and as gorgeous as when she laughs or argues.

I find a space tolounge beside her, stroking her thigh where I can feel the pulse of her blood.Has her pulse changed now that her body nurtures someone else, too?

Dee isn’t a thin woman.At a random meeting, a person would think nothing of the roundness of her bellyyet. But I know it’s new, the first sign she’s starting to show. It’s humbling,really, to glimpse our child come into existence.

I rest my head next tothe curve of her waist. As she isn’t fully sleeping, I’m not surprised when herhand finds its way to my head and begins to play with my hair.

“Sorry I didn’t reply,”she says eventually.

“Hmm?”

“When you texted. Ishould’ve replied.”

“No matter.”

“No – ” She gets up alittle, and so do I, slightly confused. “I know I implied I had no time tospare, but I did – well.” She blushes and her other hand moves closer to her,brushing her belly. I don’t think she notices. “I made an appointment with anobstetrician next Wednesday. I believe you’re free then?”

She appears genuinelyuncertain. I nod to relieve her. I’ll make time if anything gets in the way.

“Good. I thought it’sabout time, to find out if the little one’s alright.” She bites her lip and inthat moment, her composure shifts. “I’m afraid, you know. Really afraid. Idon’t want anything to happen to it. And also …” She hesitates, lowering herhead as her hand takes mine and holds tight.

“I just hope it’shealthy. If it wasn’t … if it was sick, I’d have no idea how we’d manage. Ourbudget’s tight. Probably will get only tighter after the birth. It’ll be sohard, Shade, and if we had to care for a sick child, nothing will – ” shestops, wiping her eyes. I inch closer to her, to embrace and calm her, althoughI fear the same. And I can’t promise her worries away.

“I’m so afraid, Shade,all the time. It’ll only get worse.”

“I know,” I utter,taking her other hand as well, squeezing and kissing it. I meet her eyes. “Iknow,” I repeat in a coarse voice. “I’m afraid too. And I’m grateful you speakabout it. We can’t pretend everything will be alright, can we?” She blinkswildly as a tear rolls down her cheek. I pull her closer still and she sagsagainst my chest. I don’t let go for a long time, rubbing her back and, finallymumbling some reassuring nonsense. The words aren’t the point. I’m here, withher, and I won’t leave, even though – or because – I might cry myself.

“Now I am hungry,” Dee says with asniff as we disentangle.

“Good.” I smile at herand start to get up. “I hope you like – “

“Shade?” She hasn’t letgo of my hand and her blue eyes staring at me tether me similarly. “Would youlike to know …”

“What?”

“You know …” She rollsher eyes.

“What?”

She snorts. “When we goto the ob/gyn, would you like to know if it’s a girl or a boy?” her playfulexpression vanishes as sudden as it came. Likely because my face fell.

“No,” I answer.

“That’s determined.”She lifts an eyebrow.

I sit down in front ofher and cup her face with my hands. “Dee, don’t you think that’s oneinformation we really don’t need yet?”

“Well …”

“And if theobstetrician is wrong? That would be worse. Not that the kid won’t know best intheir time…”

“Sure,” she agrees, andshifts onto her knees to kiss me on the mouth, her fingers soon on my cheek, myneck, my hair. Not that I can keep my hands off her. I love the feel of herwaist, the soft flesh above her hips contrasted by her strong back muscles.“I’m proud of you, Shade Barrow,” she whispers between kisses. “You make mebelieve we won’t be awful parents.

I laugh against herlips. “Ditto. And if worst comes to worst, I have a great family for help.”

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