#I only realized gensokyofestival was happening a few days ago

[ahiijny]

Day 10: Fear

"What are you scared of?"

This is the question Merry asks herself in the mirror.

To be honest, she's perfectly happy with the status quo. It's comfortable, just hanging out with Renko in the club room, just the two of them.

(Perhaps they really ought to put more effort into recruiting new members—the club is totally going to die out when they both graduate. But Merry is at least partially relieved that their club is niche enough that no one even checks out the club room, because it means she can just be herself around Renko.)

Where exactly is the boundary between "just friends" and "dating", anyway?

Merry's eyes can see boundaries in space and time, but it's difficult for her to articulate the boundary between those different kinds of relationships.

It's really just a label, Merry tells herself. "Dating" is only "dating" if you say it's "dating". Otherwise, it's not.

Depending on how you look at it, Merry has been on many date-like excursions with Renko already. If visiting a cemetery at 2am to look for a gateway into the netherworld can be considered romantic.

But anyway.

At the same time, she could also see it as a friendly outing between two supernatural-obsessed nerds, finding joy in shared interests.

Merry would really consider romance-love an additional layer on top of friendship-love. Because if you're not friends with someone you're dating, then something must have gone wrong, in her view.

The question is, does Renko feel the same way?

Merry doesn't even know if Renko is interested in girls like that.

Obviously, she could just ask. Knowing Renko, whatever the answer is, she'd just answer directly and then not give it a second thought afterwards.

But to be honest, Merry doesn't really have any friends other than Renko.

She doesn't want to make things awkward between them.

What if Renko responds with something like "wait, why are you asking me? Do you have a crush on me? Kinda cringeee tbh. LOL"? (Merry's pretty sure Renko wouldn't be that rude, but still. Sometimes she has nightmares about this.)

How would you feel if one of your friends confessed that they were interested in you, but you didn't feel the same way back?

Well.

It's hard for Merry to imagine, because her only friend at the moment is Renko and she actually does have feelings for Renko. (Probably? Love is confusing. She doesn't know!)

But she's read enough romance fiction that she kind of has a vague inkling of what it might feel like. And if she were in that situation, she wouldn't know what to do. She doesn't want to put Renko on the spot.

If she really wants to ask, what clear benefit is there, anyway?

They'd be dating, but what would really change? Physical intimacy? Being able to call each other "my girlfriend"?

…Okay, to be honest, that does sound pretty nice.

But Merry and Renko already share hugs and touches and hold hands a lot even just as friends. If she asks this question, she risks it all just for that little bit extra. Is it worth it?

Okay, but what if while Merry is dawdling and holding back and silently stressing out about all this, Renko gets a boyfriend ot something?

Merry frowns.

It's… it's really not up to her to control what Renko does with her life.

Obviously, Merry would be unhappy about it, but Renko should be free to do as she wishes.

Anyway.

Because Merry is honestly perfectly happy with the status quo, she just lets the matter sit in the back of the mind, and doesn't press the matter.

Renko never really seems particularly interested in dating, anyway. Club activities interest her far more.

Time passes.

Their supernatural club activities continue.

And then...

On one particularly cold winter night in the middle of February, Merry and Renko are out exploring a dark park field at 3am.

The moon is full, the snow is pretty and sparkly, and the temperatures are downright sub-freezing.

"It's kind of a very romantic atmosphere, isn't it," says Merry, her mouth moving a bit faster than her mind. After she realizes what she just said, her face burns with embarrassment.

She's… she's not out to Renko yet.

The dark-haired girl just grins. "It is, isn't it." She throws an arm around Merry's shoulder, laughing.

Merry doesn't know how much Renko knows. She might just be reading too much into things. But she'll take this moment for what it is, and just try not to think too hard about it.

She shouldn't push the status quo.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Then, she opens her eyes, exhaling, her breath condensing into the chilly winter air. She glances askance at Renko, suddenly feeling very nervous. "Actually, I… I love you," she says.

Renko turns to Merry, smiling. "I know."