#I only needed time to polish this......
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𝗕𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗧𝗶𝗲𝘀 || ℭ𝔬𝔩𝔡 ℌ𝔞𝔫𝔡𝔰 𝔚𝔞𝔯𝔪 ℌ𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔱
Banners made by, and AU belongs to @another-vampire-au
[continuation] [last]
"Peace?" he scoffed, his voice a raspy growl and his permanent sneer creased even deeper when he found the embedded emblem on her uniform. Just for seeing that symbol he wanted to claw it out of her breast as if it would leave a print on her ivory skin nontheless. "Lin-Kuei, seeking peace? That's like a viper seeking friendship with a rabbit."
The air crackled with tension the moment Diya stepped into the Tarkatan's lair beneath an imposing mountain. A symphony of guttural growls and the clinking of metal echoed through the cavern, the scent of blood heavy in the air.
The stories she had heard about this group of savage half-vampires, worse than those of Taira clan, were enough to make even the bravest of souls quake in fear. The Tarkatans were known for their barbarous ways and their disfigured appearances, a side-effect of their immortality. Impure vampires that other pure-blooded vampires think of as some bastarded ghouls.
Her heart hammered against her ribs, but she forced a smile, her gaze fixed on the pale figure perched on a throne made from bones and pelts. The guards eyed her warily, burning holes from the back of her skull, their stake bone weapons growing from underneath forearm muscle tissue at the ready.
Baraka, the Tarkatan chieftain, was a frightening sight, his disfigured face contorted into a perpetual sneer of mouthfull of fangs, his body a grotesque tapestry of jagged bone pieces sticking individually from beneath his skin and muscle.
"I am a member of the Lin-Kuei, however," she pressed on and finally met his gaze that only held animosity. "I come to you, not as their envoy, but as an individual."
The other Tarkatans, their bodies and faces deformed by the curse of immortality, watched her with hungry red eyes. A low growl rumbled from the depths of Baraka's throat, a sound that sent shivers down her spine.
As a companion of the notorious Lin-Kuei vampire clan, Diya knew that her presence here was risky. Her clan, or any other clan for that matter, and Baraka's were never on great terms. The two clans had been at odds for longer centuries though, their differences too great to overcome but what mostly played the part were teritorries that the fuss was about. Diya had a plan to make things right, albeit behind the Grandmaster's back.
Baraka studied her for a moment, his gaze lingering on her frail-looking form. He didn't move, his crimson orbs boring into hers, a silent challenge. When she didn't even scurr away a step he knew he's dealing with an ossified human, and that's a first for him.
Baraka regarded her with skepticism, his gaze cold and unyielding. "Why should I trust you, human?" he spat. "Your clan have only shown us disdain and shunned us away to crawl underneath this mountain like worms!"
"I do not judge your people," she said softly while trying not to visibly whince under his raised tone. "I understand your pain. I have seen the prejudice you suffer, the cruelty that has been meted out to you. I am not here to convert you, to force you to bow to the Lin-Kuei. I am here to offer you an alliance."
A ripple of unease ran through the Tarkatan ranks. Baraka's hairless brows narrowed, his gaze piercing. If the clan were waiting for a punch-line then they will be disappointed that there isn't any, Diya is dead serious behind that smiling exterior.
"An alliance?" he parroted, his voice a low growl. He glowered with ire at her impudent offer than laughing in her face. "What good could possibly come of that?!"
"We can be stronger together," Diya dared a step forward for her mind was lost in a moment of passion, her voice unwavering. "We can fight against the evil that threatens us all."
"Spare me your play on empathy." his jaws snapped, rows of sharp teeth clicked together, finally unveiling the true reason for her sudden attendance. "You should rather explain your proposal. human."
Baraka stepped down from his seat — that had Diya momentarily wonder if it's comfortable to sit on at all, his heavy gait resonating through the cavern and the guards backed off from the spotlight of the moon's light that spilled through the man-made hole of the cave. He circled her, his hulking form casting a long shadow across the dirty, wet ground.
Diya held her ground, refusing to be intimidated yet it was still a little difficult to swallow. "Baraka, it's no secret that there are only a few Lin-Kuei left—"
"Good! The less the better! It was about time those murderous lapdogs have a taste of what it feels being squashed underneath someone else's boot!"
Diya took a deep breath and reassessed the situation, fists clenched by her sides. "... You have every right to be angry. I do not blame you. But I wish to save my family from extinction."
"Family? HA! You're a human! Nothing else but an emergency food."
Diya's smile was empty as she nodded to his somewhat understandable conjecture. "There has been plenty of oportuninties for my brothers to bleed me dry, yet here I am— talking to you, unharmed, not bitten even once."
The Tarkatan headman disappeared out of her sight behind her and suddenly Diya felt cold breath against her ear, gravelly, low voice muttered; "And what makes you certain you'll leave this place alive?"
With a shuddering inhale Diya composed herself and straightened her posture. She swore she felt the blunt underside of a few fangs brush against her lobe, however, the featherlight touch disappeared as soon as Baraka fled the close proximity. "Because I know you're a smart man—"
"— A monster. More like."
"— If I am slain by your hand then the Lin-Kuei will know where to look, seeing as there is no greater enemy of theirs than Tarkatans... And while there is a short amount of my clan, yours is shorter by a couple of figures. It would be a risk to put the neck of your twenty clansmen on the line because of one human."
There was a heavy moment of silence as the disfigured vampire stood in front of her, staring her down with intensity that had her hold her breath, Diya was actually ready to apologise for overstepping until he replied...
"You are brave, Diya Grau, clever too," Baraka rasped. "but you're also naive." seeing the amused curl twitch on her mouth told him it's not the first time she was called by that, and he took a note of that for whatever reason. "You have lived in your gilded cage, coddled by your... merciful owners. You have no idea what it is like to be cast out, to be hunted, to be feared. And with the likes of Lin-Kuei, they will never accept us, even if there is only one vampire left in each clan."
Diya's slim brows furrowed and pinched the impeccable skin. "I know, but we have to start somewhere or our clans will be stuck in this nonsensical cycle of hate..." she whispered, her voice soft but firm.
In a way, Baraka began to see her reason, although it has a selfish purpose, and he did wish for a day like this to come. Come to peace with any other clan so his people didn't need to silently suffer no more. But he's a realist and knows for a hundred percent the Lin-Kuei's grandmaster would never allow such a thing to happen while he still draws breath.
"You are not a monster, Baraka –" Diya spoke up before he could, her eyes softening and it slightly put the Tarkatan off guard. "you are a warrior, a protector. I have seen the way you lead your people, the sacrifices you make for their sake. And I believe that together, our clans can be stronger than ever before."
Baraka dismissed her words as false flattery because of the slightest hint of oozing fear he smelled off of her, but also because he doesn't want to get his hopes up. He's been immortal for centuries and he had been burned an embarrassing amount of times, he no longer wishes to be the fool.
Diya held his gaze, her own violet eyes, framed by snowy lashes, blazing with a quiet fire. "My brother is not the same as the late Grandmaster, there is a chance of making him see the potential of this alliance... I understand that the world has turned its back on you. But right now there's a chance to change that before the hunters will come for us all, show the world that the Tarkatans are not monsters, but survivors and equals."
Baraka inched closer, his face inches from hers. The scent of blood clung to him, a potent reminder of his savage nature, but she had gotten used to the iron stench that it didn't bother her nose. His eyes skeptically squinted as they searched over her face for a sign that would reveal her ill intentions — if she had any.
Diya did not flinch. Instead, she offered him a smile, one that held both understanding and a hint of something else – something Baraka has yet to place a tag on. But her heart picked up in speed, the beat drummed in her ears. She mused to herself that while her brothers described Tarkatans as hideous she really had thought nothing of that sort the longer she looked at Baraka's face underneath the rays of the moon.
The silence stretched between them, heavy and charged, and it unsettled the Tarkatans around them.
Baraka saw nothing but the compassion in her eyes that traveled around his face with no hint of disgust, the sincerity in her words were not laced with dishonesty either.
He saw not a Lin-Kuei, but a - human - woman who understood his pain, who saw beyond the monstrosity of his clan. Never in his life had he thought he'd live this long to meet such an accepting soul.
"There is bloodthirst in my clan," he said, his voice a low rasp, deciding to test the waters. "a curse that can barely be controlled. Just with your presence alone, our sane minds are tempted to rip you to shreds."
"I know," she calmly replied, her head tipped more forward, nearly brushing her flat nose against his permanently scrunched one as she murmured for him to hear. "while you have more appetite than the other vampires it does not mean that you can't live among them if you're well fed." she added, as a matter-of-fact.
He knew his people, himself included, were desperate, consumed by a hunger for blood that could not be ignored. Yet, a part of him, a part he had kept hidden beneath the hardened exterior, craved something more. He craved peace, he craved acceptance for his people and him.
Baraka stepped back and for a long moment there was silence as Baraka considered Diya's words, until he accepted she is on their side but that did not made him less wary, she's still a Lin-Kuei.
"I will grant you safe passage back to your clan." his voice thick with emotion and his ruby orbs traced around the room on his people, as if they were communicating telepathically they ceased their grunts and growls. "But I offer no alliance. Not yet. You must prove your worth, Lin-Kuei. You must show me that your words are not just empty promises."
Mouth breaking into a gentle smile, she folded her dainty hands over her breast. "A vow of a Grau is as unmovable as an iceberg, dear Baraka."
#I've had this in my drafts for faaar too long#I only needed time to polish this......#only to realize I need to change half of this drabble lmao the only salvaged part of this is the beginning from the fist draft#I'm merely visiting distant.. blood... relatives.. of this alternative universe lmfao#Diya#Baraka#Blood Ties AU#drabble#Spotify#this thing is actually silly i don't think i like it as much as i did before editing the whole thing but hey more Baraka content for meeee
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vw sketches (id in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#sorry for how teensies some of the text can be T_T please read the id if you can't see them...#ive been sketching a lot these days - testing out some new stuff... i think I've tested enough though and need to start making#more polished work again orz... drawing is so endless... both positive and also Reluctantly negative#only bc my time management is terrible#ruporas art
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#my art#nt#nuclear throne#rogue#doodle#played nuclearthrone for the first time in probably a year a few days ago#(it still had altered controls I used to play on my old laptop with broken wasd keys lol)#this game is so fun still. and so perfect design-wise#there's nothing I would add to it or remove from it. it gives exactly what it needs to give#what a perfect polished little diamond of a game. the only game I can call a 10/10#I still feel lucky that I discovered it years ago
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gonna tell my future niece/nephew that this was the shape of water
#the legend of zelda#tloz#loz totk#tloz link#tloz sidon#prince sidon#sidlink#fanart#tloz fanart#?? i think those tags are good#kinda messy but whatevs i was going for vibes not polish#i need to get less perfectionist about my rendering anyways#cant wait to actually play this game… i havent even finished botw yet#ive just watched the grumps play them lol#as in ive been playing botw and finished watching gg play both games#what a time in my life to finally at long last get into zelda#now i wanna watch/play all of them but i am only one man and itll take forever… oh well the time will pass anyways and whatnot
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work in progress, but!! Furina's bed is 90% stuffed toy, its canon (to me)
#furina#genshin impact#neuvifuri#ITS NEUVIFURI COS... peek at the stuff toy#fontaine#focalors#??????? LOL#i still need to tweak the colors a bit more but my eyes r tired so next time hehe#i could only muster a more polished version for an icon...im beat
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star wars outlaws
#star wars outlaws#kay vess#nix#did a brief detour into this game it isn't bad! but certainly lacks in polish for core loops. tutorialization pipelines are ass also#performance - also ass. had to play quality on ps5 for it to have any clarity at all. but the open world is gorgeous#and it certainly nails the very narrow target of horse girl star wars fantasy (ripping across tatooine on a speeder with a little Guy)#nix is everything I love him. modern star wars rarely captivates me but they do know how to do lil guys real well#my photos#star wars#also-also. would be remiss not to mention. never played a game with unregulated scope creep this noticeable before. it's baffling#I KNOW people crunched on this it's in the walls in the floorboards it's everywhere. unmitigated hodge podge of mechanics and pillars#and those pillars are often unbalanced between each other. storytelling payloads are an issue too. there's pre-rendered in-engine cutscenes#real-time in-engine cutscenes. and digic-produced full CG cutscenes. and their placement and prioritization feels insane and inscrutable#like three different teams were working on the game at the same time and never in congress or coordination#it also suffers from the open world 4th and 5th priority narrative payload issues - many secondary and sometimes even primary questgiving#and expository dialogues are in-game zoomed camera lipsync exchanges. or flavor text#on the other hand - surprisingly deft mission design itself? side quests reward either cosmetics or actual unlockable deployable skills#it has fleeting genes of a metroidvania spread across a wide open world in that sense. but only fleeting. the rep system is a smokescreen#and progression in general has a very open and unsatisfying end to it. this game needed less scope and maybe no space stuff at all#the resulting resource allocation adjustment would truly make for a captivating open world adventure. as it stands it feels like#a product of overworked people misusing mismanaged budgets and managing to sprinkle some love into it regardless#games should never be good on the merit of their perceivable seasoning of overwork and passion. that really only bakes a sadness cake
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Best part of work is getting to thingk about my Funny Animal Friends headworld & characters & stuff.
I decided that everyone hatches from eggs LOL. It’s like pkmn/chao logic where no matter the species they come from an egg, and they just appear rather than being birthed from a parent xD Eggs are taken care of at the nursery. Once they’ve hatched, kids are raised at the daycare section of the nursery.
Drawings below r old but accurate!
#the royal cats of starkitty palace are the only ones with biological parents#and uh ermmm I still need to polish some settings in the world but my year old map doodle is still accurate xD#also I rly need to plan out an undersea area. creatures can transform and spend time underwater like the pearl in the mlp movie
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(idk if anyone wants to keep hearing my opinions on totk book stuff but-)
apparently it says that rauru DID have kids, multiple even, which yeah... is kinda necessary for zelda to even be connected to them so much so that sonia can SENSE a blood connection (which, even with all the excuses with magic, is just a little too far for me to suspend my disbelief bc its over, OVER, ten thousand years worth of generations that seperate her from them that one lil touch of the hand can sense that (feels more like an attempt to make you care about them or .. see them as zeldas "better" parents just bc they exchange a few nice words, i never got the feeling they were 'better' parents and its also kinda disrespectful to her actual parents, like sure rhoam wasnt the best but i wouldnt call rauru better just bc he was polite)- i could see maybe the light power of hylia or sth but since its the coolest dude that ever lived rauru now that had it which still doesnt make sense and makes me unreasonably annoyed and she can sense BOTH of their powers in her? nah) the fact theres NOTHING about them in the game itself is just so ... no way they planned any of this
i dont think theres anything they can do or say that wont make be believe they either
are making it up alla 'fix it in post' mentality trying to hastily explain stuff the game never bothers to do to try and appease fans or let it appear as if they thought about it at all
something went really REALLY wrong during development, which kinda seems likely given how the game turned out (im sorry i cannot let go, its not just the writing, the game design too and how little was changed in the map while being so damn expensive, i dont know how people dont feel scammed q_q)
given that they (allegedly) spent the last entire year of development on polish (where??? where????? huh??? like it would make it more understandable (EXCEPT for the price) if there was alot of trouble, which was also bc it got delayed and ... turned out like this, but they dont want to say it, especially given their reputation, with that quote i have heard way too many times 'a delayed game blah blah') i just??
are they just gonna go and do it like they did with kashiwa (kass)? "they uuuh where flying around the whole time ony cool sonau tech maschines, you just dont see or hear from them ooooorrr they were uuuuh out of the country at the time" (sending invitations to other continents to join their glorious kingdom ;) )
(bet they are also gonna say they did all the stuff like ... moving the shrines around (lol?) and lifting the islands up into the sky- which is still weird bc ... didnt they also say they were living in the sky before coming to the surface?? so where?? did they park all their islands on the surface and the mystery kids had the keys so they had to repark them back into the sky after they returned off camera?? xD also why are the islands so different as an environment if they where from the surface? like even the STONE up there is different- and if they were first in the sky then on the surface and the nback in the sky .. why is there not a single yellow tree or grass in the past- you cant really argue that it changed bc they were up there so long bc .. nothing else changed, the suddendly and totally always there sonau buildings are largely in prime condition, only some slightly moldy, and what we see of the glorious past looks barely any different from the present, aside from like ... some standard trees shuffled, no castle yet and that glowy uwu filter DESPITE that stupidly long time frame between it)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#idk if others feel like that too but i cant shake the feeling there was something that either went horribly wrong during development-#-or the entire thing was neglected the whole time which is why its so .. i hesitate to even call it bare bones#...which is WILD given that its the supposed sequel to their best seeling zela game#like wtf where you doing#i get that the pressure can be immense but imo it wasnt that hard to make a sequel to thats better than totk#like i think it was harder to make totk like it is NOW bc it scraps and throws away so many things you could have easily used-#-as sequel material#its all so weird to me#my tin foil hat theory is still that they saw the success of the mario movie and immediately shifted everything to make more movies#bc it made so much money#and a movie is easier to make than a good game#so totk or botw2 at the time got the short end of the stick#which is why everything feels like .. so ... bare bones .. untested .. unfinished .. non sensical...#like an alpha build that got enough visual polish to look like a full game when its still an alpha build at its core#some main ideas like the abilities implemented and the basic map layers#mechanics functioning but untested on how it feels to play#like the sage controls and arrow fusing and ... contradictory game mechanics that dont work together#like the bulding WORKS but its clunky and underused- everything can be cheated so easily you dont even feel good cheating-#-bc it feels like the teacher just allowed you to mark your test with a green circle and you still got an A (or however USA grades work)#despite not even reading the questions- why attempt to solve a puzzle if you can just skip it#and how they tell you to be creative with it yet creativity gets punished and only efficiency is rewarded#which completely undermines the entire thing#...theres so much more you know i have ranted about it all before#ALSO rauru and sonia seemed like a rather newly wed couple to me- not one that had multiple kids that never appear-#since it only mentions rauru ..... if its only his then ... that doesnt explain anything bc zelda needs both sonia and rauru dna#................do sonau leave eggs to incubate somewhere heavenly or sth#watch out the springs where built to hatch rauru eggs bc they need the gods holy blessing bc they are oh so holy to hatch
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More of this. + nnotes on the normalest boy
#good news everybjody shinra is still doing evil things to beautoful beautiful men#Also sorry you can clearly see i say fuck it every time i draw cloud'dshair. ooups#this one isnt as polished so no tags but .#ff7 monhun au#to be more speciific#??? probably i should start tagging that im gonan devolve RAPIDLY.#sooooooo sorry to eveveryone for suddenly becomign active and it s THIS#zack voice This is my boy cloud hes just a little quietbecause he needs to wake up a lil bit ^_^#flash cut to cloud literally tearing apart a mosnter with hisbare hands#WHICH HE WILL HAVE NO RECOLLECTION OF#Great job shinra this is only like the 5th worst youve ever done it. Sephiroth is still kicking great news eeveryone#(BAD NEWS BAD NEWS)
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i just woke up so i haven't actually watched the pokemon direct thingy yet, but i heard they mentioned they aren't pushing out another console release at all for 2024 and if that's true then frankly THAT news is way more hype than any actual game announcement could ever be. go girl let us wait!! this is genuinely what i've been begging for for years now
like, oh a new Legends game? that's neat i guess. oh wait it's being given literally ANY time to cook and they aren't crunching Game Freak to hell and back in order to pump out a bunch of half-baked annual releases for the first time in ages?? NOW we're fuckin talking. LOVE to see the torturous cycle broken
#buny text#pokemon#granted they may have just delayed their plans simply because nintendo still isn't releasing a new console til pretty late in the year#and they cannot feasibly keep trying to squeeze things down into a format the switch can (barely) handle without losing goodwill#but i'd like to hope that this also proves they don't need to be pumping out 3 console titles and multiple DLCs in such short spans of time#i'd love to see what might happen if the pokemon devs were ever given the kind of long thorough dev cycles that the zelda team gets#like let gamefreak cook for as long as they need and release when they actually feel it's ready. please.#as frustrated as i am with how SV turned out the majority of my frustration was that you can still FEEL the devs' passion in there#but it's massively overshadowed by jank and lack of polish and design decisions that would only ever be made under intense time pressure#the last chunk of that game's story is cool as hell but getting there was such a depressing experience that it's very hard to recommend#these are clearly artists who still have good ideas and interesting experiences to create! give them the time they need to do it properly!
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also i realize i'm saying all these noble and beautiful things about the channel from the purest depths of my heart. but actually i'm also just doing this because i fucking love the witcher books and it pisses me off that people don't know about them that much in english and i can only go for so long (seven years) with people not knowing that there are books. or that the witcher is from the 90s. or polish.
#'whatt i didnt know the witcher was polish. wait where is poland' funky music stops.#like statements that just crush your soul?? my god netflix did a number on the witcher's perception#'so is it based on the video game? the book? there is a book?'#'waaait the second season wasn't accurate to the books? wdym...?'#>knowing the witcher >knowing henry cavill >not knowing who andrzej sapkowski is#when the literal writing is like inseparable from polish and that's why the translation is so hard#when the literal story is like chock full of allegories and references to real life polish history#and it only exists because of a very interesting time in contemporary polish history#like i'm not mad at the PEOPLE who don't know about the witcher i'm mad about how it's been TREATED#with witcher 3's fame at least people who knew the game generally knew a little more maybe#with netflix it's like no one knew anything about the actual witcher and it was really really sad#i do blame the artistic direction but i also blame the marketing and the writing and everything to do with everything#because how are they supposed to know if no one told them. if witcher here has been so separated from what it actually is and is about#like why not just leave witcher alone and get into any other fantasy. there is so much other fantasy out there. witcher is just one of them#yes and that is the plan in 10 years time but#it's not just about reading for personal enjoyment but for what witcher deserves in the english language space now#the witcher series is about suffering but idk if its characters or IT ITSELF has suffered more#zoltan chivay voice 'there IS something like reciprocity after all'#witcher helped me so now i want to help it. i will not abandon you in your time of need !#maybe people know more about the witcher than i think and i've just been incredibly unlucky in my experiences but#people thinking there is only netflix and the third game maybe would be hilarious if it wasn't so fucking sad#IV
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WHERES UR HEAD AT- AT- AT- AT?
WHERES UR HEAD AT?
WHERES UR HEAD AT?
FiNALLY MORE ART… Srry I’ve been gone for a while!!!!!! I… have just.. been super busy. And I’m still busy lol. I got a lot goin on!!!! But… But…!!! I managed to finish some art today!!! Thank god lol- so yeah! Behold this funky nurse creature..! she will be committing medical malpractice on u..!!! And that is a promise!! Or ur money back guaranteed!
#original#original art#artists on tumblr#nurse#demon#doodles#it’s the holidays dudes…. shit is fucking busy…..#but yeah… here is nurse tho… I hope u enjoy her…#I enjoyed drawing her!!! I tried to mess around w a lot of diff stuff!#like… I tried to not stress so much about.. making a polished end product.. and to instead just. draw… in a way I thought would be fun#and interesting! and it was!!#which was nice!#and also I think the end product turned out good too which is nICE BUT#I was trying not to worry about that while I was drawing lol.#I think.. she has soup for brains… but boy does she kno how to work a hacksaw…!#like. her brain is only made for surgery… almost scarily competent and cracking somebody open and messin around in there!#the scarily is cuz… u have to be awake lol… and also u don’t need surgery… she just wants to give it to u… so! ur getting surgery lol#but her brain has no cells or time or care for anything outside the operating room…#IDK IF ILL EVER DRAW THIS NURSE AGAIN SHE DOESNT EVEN HAVE A NAME#but there are those thoughts I had about her!#blood#knives#the scarily is also cuz. who KNOS what she’s doin in there!!! u certainly don’t!! other medical professionals dont! they’d be appalled!#straight up horrified! but! she knows…. she knows what she’s doin. that’s what matters in the end lol#also she def isn’t giving u any anesthesia lol she’s goin in raw#anyway yeah!!! she’s cute I like her!!!
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the "putting tim drake through four months of psychic damage with a tragic ending" fic is done. go read it
https://archiveofourown.org/works/60364738
#theres still bits i need to polish and I think the ending is nowhere near as well written as the rest#somehow time only made my writing style worse#but its out to the world anyway#never more glad to write for my self and only myself than when i write stuff like this#my fics#.#anyway going to go hide for the next 6-12 months while another fic stews
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I messed up and used too instead of to with ivy on the second doodle guh- Anywayyyyyssss doodle dump hehe
#I really really need to sit down and actual#actually polish Riley’s lore bc I already have Christian’s down but idrk when I’ll have the time atm it’s just mostly vague bullet points#that only makes sense to me hdidhckd#To summarize…Riley and Christian’s relationship is really strained at the beginning and they don’t warm up to each other until like later#buts it’s kinda like…they like it?#like a cat and mouse game#hpma oc#ivy warrington#daniel page#hpma daniel#hpma ivy#hpma mc#my art tag
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oughhhhhhhhh i’m reading the knight!sugu fic again……………………………. maybe . i’ve already hit my peak
#LIKE IT’S SOOOO?????#i guess it’s because it’s so long…. and i spent so much time thinking about it…….. ari when hard work pays off 😳😳#but . aaaa. even just reading it makes me so happy :’3#i don’t know if any character/reader dynamic i make will ever be as dear to me….……….#i’m also just polishing it as i read bc . i doooo think it could be better structure-wise 😭 some parts are a lil clunky!!#but like . again. i think that’s kind of a given when the fic is so long#wahhh i’m just feeling emotional over it :’3#btw . mickey. if you happen to see this. i’m rereading the fic so i can properly answer the ask u sent ages ago …….#i’m so sorry for taking so long T_T i got so hyped to answer it that i scared my brain into procrastinating#just need to get my thoughts in order bc this fic and couple makes me so overwhelmed:’3 in a good way i think…..#anyway i love them i adore them i would sell my soul for them . knight!sugu and his spoiled brat <333333333#the only fic i can picture being better (if i do it well) is the bfb!kenjaku fic i have HIGH hopes for that bad boy#ari noises ✩
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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