#I only have myself to blame I'm FULLY aware thank you

[oblivions-dawn]

[bella-rose29]

Pretty

Anthony Lockwood x gn!reader

requested by anon: Saw your post about Lockwood ideas so here's one! Reader and Lockwood have an extremely close call on a case and in the heat of the moment, Lockwood ends up kissing the reader.

Made this one gn since no gender was specified! hopefully I haven't messed up anywhere with that (pls let me know tho)

I am also so so sorry about how long this took anon 😭 I have nobody to blame but myself for that I won't lie

lockwood has his tea like Cameron and I'm convinced it's a fact

Word count: 3.4k

Warnings: swearing, they fight some visitors

Tag list: @anathemaloren, @augustisintheair, @avdiobliss, @dangelnleif, @el-de-phi, @ell0ra-br3kk3r, @informedimagining, @karensirkobabes, @mischivana, @mitskiswift99, @mrsklockwood, @mrsyixingunicorn10, @ran23sblog, @superpositvecloudshipper, @t2sh0, @taygrls, @tournesol77, @wandamaximoffbae, @whenselenefallsinlove, @wordsarelife

As always, let me know here if you'd like to be added to/removed from my Lockwood and Co tag list, or send me a message! <3

(not my image, also I'm fully aware of how many times I use this one)

"Hey, I've just put the kettle on, d'you want tea?" Lucy chirped as Y/n entered the kitchen, paperwork in hand. They nodded gratefully, shoving the papers onto the table and flopping in a chair. "What's all that for?" Lucy asked, gesturing to the multiple files now scattered in front of Y/n.

"The case tonight. Lockwood's refusing to help me with the research, the little shit. Says he's got 'important business' to go on, whatever that means." They frowned, remembering how he'd been essentially ignoring them all day. "Did I do something to upset him?" they asked Lucy, looking up at the girl.

"Don't think so. Why?"

"Don't know. Just, he hasn't talked to me all day, so I-" Y/n was cut off by Lucy's snort of laughter, and their frown deepened. "What?! Why are you laughing?!"

"He hasn't talked to you all day? God, just tell him you like him already!"

Y/n flushed at her words, and threw a scrunched up piece of paper at Lucy. "Shut up," they mumbled, crossing their arms and slouching in their chair. Lucy only laughed more, handing over a cup of tea and sitting down next to her friend as she started to rifle through the papers. "What are you doing?"

"Helping you out, silly. If Lockwood won't do it, I will. You'll be so unprepared otherwise, and I can't have my best friend dying yet."

"Thanks, Luce."

"Sure," she shrugged, studying a news article. "Dunno why you like him though. He can be a monumental tw-"

"Hi Lucy, Y/n," Lockwood said, stepping through the door with carrier bags in his hands. He looked at them, wondering why they were suddenly quiet when he'd heard the two of them talking before he walked in, but when he saw the kettle boiled on the side that was ready for him to make his tea to his liking he forgot all about it. Dumping the bags, he moved to the cupboards and reached for the honey, pouring the right amount into the mug. Lockwood heard the scrape of a chair and a whispered protest as he added the white sugar (one teaspoon), and turning around he found Lucy getting up to leave and Y/n tugging on her arm and begging her to stay. Lucy had a wicked grin, though, and in one swift movement she'd unhanded herself from Y/n and skipped out of the door, and a moment later her footsteps could be heard on the stairs.

Y/n was glaring at the door, as if it would bring Lucy back to the kitchen, but when Lockwood sat down next to them with his cup of tea in one hand and the deft fingers of his other picking up a pile of papers, their expression immediately softened.

"Glad you finally felt you could grace the plebs with your presence, my lord," they joked, hoping he would apologise for being absent all day. He cracked a smile, shaking his head as he chuckled.

"Can't be around all the time, can I? You'll boost my ego too much."

"I would argue we reign your ego in. Honestly, I'm suffocating on it right now." Their eyes were wide in mock frankness, making Lockwood laugh more. "Seriously though," Y/n said when he'd calmed down a little. "Where were you?" They tried to not sound too hurt, but Lockwood picked up on it like he always did.

"I told you, I had important business-"

"What 'important business', Lockwood? Because I've had to do this research on my own, and there's way too much of it!" He at least had the good grace to look sheepish, scratching the back of his neck and mumbling something into his tea. George entered the kitchen then, pausing whatever conversation Y/n and Lockwood had been having. He stood in the doorway, picking up on the strange atmosphere but not knowing what to do about it, and shook his head as he went to make a sandwich. None of them talked, and George kept casting the two of them weird looks as he moved around the kitchen, looking like he wanted to say something but never getting that far, until eventually he finished making his lunch and left, closing the door with a soft click (and a loud protest from the hinges) behind him. Y/n had turned back to their papers, attempting to read over the documents and figure out the history of the building before they headed out for the evening. "Are you at least gonna help me now?" they sighed, looking back up at him. He nodded, washing out the mug of tea that he'd downed in the last few minutes.

They sat in silence for a while after that, only talking when one of them found something interesting or worth making note of. Lockwood stopped rifling through papers at one point, file limp in his hand while he studied his coworker. "I'm sorry," he said, and although his voice was quiet it startled Y/n. "I just- I know I'm difficult sometimes- okay, fine, a lot of the time," he amended at Y/n's raised eyebrows. "But I really did have important business to attend to. I was stocking up on equipment for tonight. Not much, just a couple of flares."

"And that took you the whole day? George has only just come down for lunch and it's three in the afternoon."

"I was also..." he sighed through his nose, irritation flitting across his face. "I was also getting this," he said, rushing the words as he yanked something out of his jacket pocket. How he'd ever got the item in there in the first place Y/n had no clue, since they weren't aware of Lockwood having pockets that large.

"What is it?" they asked, skeptical of the rectangular object they now held. It had been expertly wrapped, with a nice little bow on the front, and when Lockwood simply gestured for them to open it they peeled the paper off, revealing the book inside. "Is this-"

"Took me ages to find a store that had it. I know how much you've been obsessing about getting it so I figured since I was out I might as well. I didn't realise how long it would take though, and I didn't exactly want to admit that to you either."

"Lockwood, you really didn't have to do-"

"Shush, or I'll return it." That shut them up, making them clutch the book close to their chest as if to prevent him from taking it away. "Come on. We've got work to do."

~~~

Half an hour later Lockwood was making another cup of tea for both of them, laughing as Y/n complained about some of the details (or lack thereof) in the building plans.

"I mean, there's an entire room that just... doesn't exist on the floor plans, even though we went to the house! How does that happen? It's not even an extension- oh, thank you," they were interrupted when Lockwood passed them their mug, hot tea warming Y/n's hands as they gripped the beverage. His hand lingered on the handle a moment longer than was necessary, his gaze catching on theirs, and Y/n held their breath when their fingers brushed. Lockwood seemed to snap out of whatever daze he was in, jerking his arm back, clearing his throat, and shuffling over to his own seat.

It was weird; they'd brushed past each other on the stairs and had curled up next to each other on sofas before, and held (very limited) eye contact every day (it was awkward holding it for more than a few seconds, even with Lockwood), so why was this time any different?

They spent the next few hours in more silence, the atmosphere mildly awkward as they worked, and by the time they pulled up to the house in the back of the taxi not long before sundown Y/n thought they might burst from the sheer amount of tension they could feel.

They had always been an overthinker, analysing minuscule details that, in reality, probably didn't matter, but for some reason stuck in Y/n's head for months after. It didn't help that they had feelings for Lockwood, since it made every touch or lingering glance have a stronger effect on their overthinking tendencies, and very often took them out of the real world and into their own head.

Which was unfortunate when they needed to be very much in the real world to fight Visitors.

In fairness, the man that owned the property had told them (with a shocking amount of certainty) that there were two Type Ones, one Shade and one Lurker, and while Y/n was inclined to disagree that he knew best, Lockwood was flashing a winning smile and grasping the keys, assuring the owner that Type Ones were nothing the pair of them couldn't handle.

They set up their chains and defences, did an initial reading of the whole house (the stairs came back as the coldest at nine degrees, with the upstairs family bathroom a close second at ten - worrying for the early hour), then returned to the kitchen and put the kettle on, cracking open a packet of biscuits.

"Are you sure about what he said? I mean he's what, late thirties to early forties? How reliable is he for identifying Type Ones if he won't be able to see them?"

"Look, we have no reason to distrust hi-"

"I literally just gave a reason."

"Okay, fine. No reason to distrust him yet. Everything we've seen so far from our initial readings is pointing to Type Ones, and we're Lockwood and Co. This isn't anything we can't handle." Y/n had been about to protest again, to say something about how the stairs and bathroom really shouldn't have been so cold this early on, but then he had smiled at them, one reserved purely for his friends, and they melted, all thoughts of danger gone out of their head.

Perhaps they should have fought harder against him, or perhaps they shouldn't have become too wrapped up in the moments from the kitchen earlier, but either way they didn't notice the Limbless until it had nearly pushed its misshapen body through their head.

~~~

Lockwood had shoved them out the way, their bodies rolling over each other as they tumbled down the hallway, the air shifting as the Limbless soared over them.

Lockwood ended up on top, his body shielding Y/n's, and he lifted his head up from where it had previously been in their neck, asking a desperate "Are you okay?" They nodded in response, too shaken to do much else, and then Lockwood was up, yanking their arm to pull them up beside him as he drew his rapier. Y/n did the same, hands trembling slightly as they finally registered the miasma that felt like it was suffocating them.

"Limbless, but we can handle that. You getting anything that can help?" He was referencing Y/n's Touch, but when they pressed their hand to the bannister experimentally the feeling of fear that washed over them was so strong they stumbled back, bumping into Lockwood.

"Shit, that was not fun," they said, grimacing at the headache they could already feel forming. "We can't use flares, Lockwood, it's too cramped in here. We're gonna have to draw it away if we can, then find the Source. It's got to be the stairs somehow, I just can't figure it out."

"Okay. Here's the plan," he started, but Y/n was unfocused, staring down the hallway over his shoulder.

"Lockwood?"

"You figure out where the Source is, I'll hold it off-"

"Lockwood?"

"-and then we'll be out of here and back home with a cup of tea within the hour."

"LOCKWOOD!"

"What? Why are you shou-"

Y/n grabbed his face in both of their hands, pushing him around to see what was behind him.

"Shit," he said, paling. Where there had only been a single Limbless to deal with before, the number of Visitors had gone up, with Shades and Lurkers that the owner had mentioned earlier joining the now two Limbless that were hovering at the end of the hallway. The feeling of miasma was washing over the two of them like a tidal wave, and Y/n pressed a hand to their mouth to try and stop throwing up. "We can still do this?" he said, although it sounded more like a question than an inspirational chat to his teammate.

"Lockwood, we need to just go. There's no way we can do this on our own, your pride be damned."

"Okay, okay. We'll collect as much of our kit as we can then, a lot of it is new and I don't want it being wasted. Do you think you're up for it? You look very ill," he frowned, concern for Y/n working its way into every movement of his body.

"Can't we just ditch the kit and get out?"

"As much as I'd love to, we are incredibly under equipped right now and have to pass through the kitchen anyway. We'd do well to have a few extra supplies on us, don't you think?" His voice was gentle, nothing condescending about his question, and Y/n found themselves nodding when he searched their eyes for an answer. His whole body relaxed, and then he was grabbing their hand and slowly retreating towards the kitchen, hoping not to alert the Visitors to their presence.

They were doing well, nearly past the kitchen threshold, up until Lockwood brushed his thumb over the back of Y/n's hand and they stumbled slightly, scuffing their foot on the floorboards and kicking a cabinet.

The Limbless (both of them) snapped their bloated heads to face the two agents, and Lockwood and Y/n only had a brief second to share a look when the ghosts came soaring towards them before he was tugging them into the kitchen, slamming the door behind them and rushing past the counter.

"Pick up what you can, anything to defend yourself with!" he shouted, wheeling around to grab a bag. They made a move towards the iron chains and added a ring to the circle that they'd already made, doubling up the strength of the invisible wall, then dragged in the kit they could reach and stood within the circle.

"Lockwood! Get in here!"

He made a mad dash for them, eyes wide and face flushed from the cold that was now creeping in to the kitchen. "Okay, what now? We'll be protected for a little while but we can't stay for-"

"Calm down, alright? We can sort out our kit in here, quickly, and then use the back door just there. We might have to leave some of these chains behind though, they're pretty heavy."

"Temperature's dropped significantly. That's not a good sign. Do you think there are more hauntings in here?"

"I wouldn't put it past this place. Besides, it's eleven. The others all came out quite early." They crouched down, starting to work methodically through the bags, but Lockwood stayed standing.

"What would I do without you, hey?"

Y/n tried not to flush at the compliment, remembering that the previous two times they'd been caught up in analysing everything that happened between the two of them they'd invoked danger, and continued going through the bags. "Can you help please? Instead of standing there like a lemon."

It took them five minutes to finish up, bags being zipped and thrown over shoulders, belts checked for stock and rapiers drawn. They would have to leave the chains behind, which was a shame, but necessary if they wanted to be able to move quickly. "On three?" Lockwood asked, glancing over his shoulder to check with Y/n. They nodded, bracing themselves for the run. Lockwood started counting down, and just as he said "Three" the kitchen door blew off its hinges.

~~~

"Shit! Go!" A Poltergeist, manifesting in the kitchen and manipulating the room if the many knives that were now floating in the air were anything to go by. The back door was only a couple of metres away, but the real question was whether they could outrun the blades.

They almost did, launching themselves out the exit and slamming the door shut behind them, and Lockwood breathed a sigh of relief until he saw the blood on Y/n's arm. "It's fine," they said when they caught him looking, moving away from the door. "We should get out of here."

He didn't say anything, instead sheathing his rapier and dropping the bag he was holding to grab Y/n's face and kiss them. Y/n almost dropped their own things, about to reach up and draw him in further, but he was pulling back before they could, picking up the kit and moving away from the house. "Come on! We need to find a taxi!" Y/n stood gaping at his retreating form before they heard the wailings of some of the Visitors inside and quickly followed after him.

~~~

The taxi ride home was awkward.

Lockwood wasn't looking at Y/n, and they were starting to feel increasingly uncomfortable with the amount of silence that enveloped the two of them.

"I'm sorry," Lockwood said, making Y/n jump slightly even though his voice was quiet.

"...What for?"

"For- I shouldn't have- I- For kissing you." He still wasn't looking at them, so he couldn't see the stifled smile on their face.

"It's okay, Lockwood."

"No, I should have just got us out of there instead of- I put us in danger and that was stupid of me," he turned to face them, expression earnest. "And I don't even know how you..." he trailed off, blushing.

"It wasn't... I wouldn't mind doing it again, if that's... where you're going?" Y/n was surprised at the confidence they had to admit that, given how bad they were normally at expressing their feelings for him. Lockwood blushed slightly, his cheeks tinted pink, and his eyes widened.

"Uh- okay," he said, hiding his smile behind his hand as he braced his elbow on the door. "Are you sure you're okay? You're bleeding a lot."

"I'm sure it's fine. I think it's only shallow, and most of the blood is dried now. If it'll make you feel better you can bandage me up when we get back."

"Okay. I'll put the kettle on, too. I really need a cup of tea right now."

~~~

True to his word, Lockwood put the kettle on the stove and grabbed two mugs out of the cupboard before heading to the bathroom for the medical kit. He then patched Y/n's arm up (who was right about it only being shallow, but that didn't stop Lockwood fussing over them), concentrating far more than he needed to but taking his time with the dressing in a way that made Y/n's heart flutter at his attentiveness.

Now they sat at the kitchen table with steaming mugs of tea, a plate of biscuits between them as they talked about both everything and nothing, the sun rising and casting the kitchen in a golden light. At some point Lucy appeared, making herself her own cup of tea and heading back upstairs to the attic afterwards, murmuring a sleepy 'morning' to her friends as she shut the door behind her.

Y/n shut their eyes, soaking in the freshly made cup of tea (Lucy had made a large pot for the three of them) and the small warmth that the sun pouring through the window provided. They could feel Lockwood watching them, and sure enough when Y/n cracked an eye open he was focused on them, a soft smile on his face while he sipped his tea. "What?" they asked, a smile of their own forming.

"Nothing. You just look really... really pretty."

"Pretty?" Y/n asked, and Lockwood blushed a little, spluttering as he tried to explain himself.

"I don't know how else to describe you! I can come up with something else if you'd prefer, I just thought it fit! You know, with the light on your face and you looked really peaceful and lovely and..." he trailed off into unintelligible mumbles, turning to stare at the thinking cloth instead of Y/n's face as his blush grew brighter. They laughed in response, leaning forward across the small space between them to grab Lockwood by the tie and pull him in for a kiss. It was short and sweet, but still left the two of them breathless and flushed, and the resultant smile on Lockwood's face was well worth the amount of nervous butterflies in Y/n's stomach.

"You're pretty too, Lockwood."

[binary-not-found]

Much was said about the parallels of 1.20 with 2.20, but let's better talk about how Kate shows anger and we know it is because Lucy got hurt and not for any other reason, the case worries her, yes, but Lucy her priority, it is Lucy who could have gotten badly hurt or worse, in 1.20 Lucy yells at Kate and masks it with her jeopardizing the case, when we all knew that her annoyance was because Kate could have died in that situation.

And let's talk about "not mad, just frustrated" because it's clear she's angry and feels like yelling at her, but we also know her concern for Lucy's safety is more

"I don't care about the anniversary thing."

I'd like to know if Lucy really thought that's what Kate was worried about or was just trying to deflect attention from what just happened 🤔. Because even to Jane, who was probably watching them from her office, it's obvious that what Kate is worried about is that Lucy was acting trusting Joe fully aware that things could go wrong

The fact that she defends her point in front of Kate so decisively, the way she knows Joe was manipulated and doesn't back down even when it seems like she should, that speaks to how Lucy knows what she is doing is the right thing to do. By meeting Joe she realized that her suspicions of him being the victim were real, he was manipulated and her instincts were screaming at her to get justice for him.

"I'm scared that he might do something that he can't come back from."

And she says that because she's sure he's not guilty, that what he did was to protect himself, oh I'm loving watching Lucy become the agent she's becoming 🤗

And suddenly it seems that neither of them are upset, or frustrated or have anything else to say, I love the way Jane was probably waiting for the right moment to come in, I imagine her quietly waiting for either of them to raise their voices a little more to interrupt and stop an argument

One detail I can't get past is the way Lucy turns to look at Kate before leaving the room, she knows Kate doesn't want her to go, she knows she distrusts Joe and is upset and worried about her, but she also knows she needs to do the right thing by protecting Joe and saving him from being blamed or doing something he won't be able to come back from, and Kate's expression is...gold

"Take Whistler with you."

Because she has nothing to do with the case, but Jane simply doesn't want her in the office anymore 👀😂.

I KNOW there was an argument in the parking lot when getting in the car over who was going to drive, because Kate didn't want to let Lucy do it, but Lucy just had to do things her way, regardless, we love seeing them out in the field together 🤭

I can't be the only one who yelled at the screen when Lucy made sure Kate didn't see her before she entered the boat, because she knew she shouldn't do it by herself but she also knew she had to do it alone

"I turn my head for a minute!"

And that was exactly the reason why she shouldn't go in alone, because it was sure there would be danger, it was more than obvious that something like that would happen, and I want to think that Lucy knew Kate would be there in time, but something in the " thanks" she says, tells me that she was actually surprised and grateful that Kate had been quick enough

I'm repeating myself too much, but I just can't express how much I loved watching her handle the case and deal with Joe the way she did, she was respectful and honest with him, everything she did was to prove that he had been manipulated and that he was the victim of the situation simply because she knew he was, she knew that defending him was the right thing to do, it speaks to her as a person, her heart and her as an agent and her instinct that we have watched grow throughout these two seasons, I'm so proud of my little Lucy 💖

"You doing all right?"

Notice the way Kate looks at Lucy when she asks if she's okay, she knows that what Lucy is trying to do is deflect attention, but she knows her too well

"Maybe you even saved his life, I'm proud of you."

I'm going to take this two ways, because I want you to notice the way Lucy shakes her head when Kate tells her she's proud. First Kate says this in a way of agreeing with her and apologizing for not trusting Lucy's instinct, for reprimanding her for what she did that even though it was wrong, Lucy did it because she knew it had to be done and second, because she knows that Lucy needs someone to tell her, she needs someone to reassure her that she did everything she could, the comment she makes asking why she feels so bad if it was the right thing to do, she needs to know, for others to know, even reassure herself, that she did everything in her power to save the innocent person's life.

And how she finally breathes and lets herself be comforted, we know it's hard for Lucy to accept when something hurts her, luckily Kate knows her well enough to not need words, just hugging her, letting her know it's okay, that she's going to be okay.

2/3 episode 20

[omo-queer]

hey V, I don't want to be invasive so forgive me for asking. how are you edging/ruining/ theoretically able to cum, all without touching? asking as someone who has only ever been able to finish with a specific toy and no other method lol im curious and also a little jealous!

thanks for the ask! this isn't too invasive, so no need to worry!

it bears noting that i am able to get myself off pretty easily with my own hands but i also have a right hand like a vibrator (and that's not really an exaggeration... people have alleged my hands are magic. i blame rhythm games and a body that hasn't always been the most interested in going over the edge by hand.)

the key components (for me) to being able to go over the edge without any genital contact are audiovisual stimulation, pressure, and tension. here's a summary of what works for me on these:

audiovisual stimulation���this one's simple. my brain really enjoys seeing and hearing people being penetrated, especially if they're getting off, and i feel almost a sympathetic response. i think this is related to the way some people can get off just from topping someone with a strap, although the strap does absolutely give some pressure with each thrust so that might be considered an "easier" variant of what i'm talking about doing (easier in quotes bc none of this is particularly easy to do the first time.) normally i don't watch that much vanilla porn (or really too much video pornography at all if i'm honest) but the easiest source of this kind of stimulation for me is watching simple amateur videos of people riding dildos. sound really helps. them having a real orgasm really helps.

pressure—this one is a little trickier, but it's got a few contributors. the more i need to come, the more "pressure" there is in that sense. (thank you, denial kink.) the fuller my bladder is, the more pressure there is from that side. (thank you, piss kink.) if i'm wearing tight pants and/or underwear or i'm under a blanket that comes into contact with my genitals that's another way to make the barrier to entry easier, although to get a perfect ruin i make sure to remove anything that was in contact as i pass the point of no return. that said, clothes and a full bladder both make the process easier, but i can get over the edge without either.

tension—this is the most difficult one to get right, i think. what i do, as i get more aroused, is roughly equivalent to kegel exercises, although i also tense certain muscles in my abdomen that i don't believe are part of the pelvic floor. this should work somewhat with any type of anatomy (and i'm aware of people who have hands-free orgasms with the two most common genital configurations,) as most people have some partially or fully internal erogenous tissue full of nerve endings that, when pushed on from the inside, is sexually pleasurable. this won't feel anywhere near as intense as direct stimulation, and i find it takes a while (and particularly good audiovisual material) to even reach the point where it feels like i could go over the edge. it also bears noting that the first few times i did this, even though i have damn strong pelvic floor muscles, i still ended up sore the next day like i was working out. don't hurt yourself, but figure out what muscles you can tense and release over and over that your body feels some slight pressure from. sometimes i find little thrusting motions with my hips help, though i try not to use these in combination with a blanket or anything because i think that would count as humping.

so basically, you're trying to get your brain so worked up that the idea of real stimulation is enough to get it to go over the edge, and at the same time do everything you can to go over the edge without touching your genitals (or, if you're a weirdo purist like me about the idea, doing things you consider "cheating." for example i avoid grinding my thighs together, humping things, anything that gives direct stimulation to my genitals.) of course, every body is different—and considering that the most important of this is about tricking the brain, every brain is also different—and so your mileage may vary. there's (of course) nothing wrong with you if you can't get this to work, and the first couple times i tried for it i couldn't manage it myself.

for the easiest setup and again this isn't easy the first time you do it, find the audiovisual material that works best for you, bring yourself right up near the edge in the way you would normally masturbate but not to the point of no return, and remove stimulation. then try your hardest to come by flexing and tensing muscles. if you get too far from the edge, bring yourself back up and try again. if you have other parts of your body that are sensitive to touch, you can lean on that a little (e.g. neck, nipples, thighs but not too close to the genitals) you can put your hands to work on those, although in my experience none of those are fully necessary either.

feel free to ask any questions this raises! i'm amenable to DMs, or if you're asking from a blog you don't want known (or just don't like DMs) you can also pick an emoji to send anon asks with! i have a list of taken emoji in my pinned, so you can pick anything that isn't listed there. i would love to hear any experiences you have using this info, and would be glad to give more details if they would help.

[rawbin-hsr]

The previous anon articulated it so well bc I just saw what they're talking about and I'm honestly confused why they thought u were saying anything wrong like 😭😭 are we sure we have the same guy here? Aventurine while yes knows what being loved feels like, he's gone through enough things and changes in life that that little frame of reference won't serve him well, especially within a romantic context bc he doesn't have ANY reference.

I read what you wrote as him not really meaning to (even reread) and yeah, he wouldn't Purposely want to be abusive to his romantic partner, but it still borders on it. What a lot of ppl get wrong is that, emotional abuse doesn't have to always mean the perpetrator is fully aware of it themself.

Maybe bc I myself have bpd, but it's so easy to see. When someone's avoiding negative feelings they have about themself (jealousy, insecurity etc) they can easily externalize this blame (and for him, that's so much more likely, it's literally a defense mechanism) or even, projecting his own view of himself on how you view him only to end up upset. (And then, the random clinginess that comes after this pushing away, why would it happen if not for trying to convince you to stay even though what he keeps doing is generally not a good thing to do in a relationship?) He wouldn't have known healthy attachment, didn't grow up with a safety net to be comfortable with that, hell, he thinks people closest to him (in canon) are sort of "tolerating" him. Are we really surprised?

Like, you never said aventurine is doing it with intent or even awareness bc yea he isn't!! He'd realize some of his actions sure, but stuff like "pushing you away" is probably shit he genuinely considers good for you, and it's not even like completely wrong he's in a high and risky position. Doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt like a mf, and I think that's the biggest tragedy of it all, because he doesn't fully realize how bad his actions are from another pov, and it's not like a single Convo can get him to understand that.

Anyway, sorry that was a lot more incoherent than I thought and I was firmly stating a lot of things bc I can pull up stuff to back my claim but ALSO bc they pissed me off if u don't like something just scroll I've been doing that for years on this app I never felt the need to go yell at someone bc I don't agree with how they interpret a character 😒😒😒😒 I hope ur feeling better, rsd sucks ass I always get so overwhelmed whenever I experience it but ur intent came across very clearly actually dw

I’m literally in tears I’m so grateful multiple people are taking the time to reassure me thank you so much 🥹🥹🥹 I was really doubting myself and my own take on him, it makes me feel so relieved I’m not the only one who has this specific take on him haha I was lowkey worrying I was a terrible person for a moment there 😭

And yes, exactly !!!! I think you were very coherent in this, in fact I think you formulated what I meant to say better than I did 😭😭 Like there’s a lot, a LOT of nuance to it !!! He never does it out of malice. He just doesn’t know any better. He tries to do what’s right and what’s best for you, he’s just… kind of not good at that because his whole perspective is skewed.

I do still think they were right that I shouldn’t have used the word ‘abuse’. It’s a very loaded term, and I think abuse requires a power dynamic, which is something I think he would try to eliminate in a relationship. Like, yes, he is a powerful man and he sort of needs some leverage to stay in control (of both his own life and his relationship with you), but I think he fucking hates the idea of being “above you” in any way. (Though to be fair he still could unintentionally create an uneven power dynamic — he’s the one mostly in charge of when the two of you interact. I think he loathes himself even more when he realises that.) I think it would be best to stick to the word “toxic” because it feels most fitting from my pov

[drbased]

Hi! I stumbled across your blog last night, and since then I've read your whole tag on the theory of symbolic states. Really interesting stuff, and the way you write is very engaging and accessible. Even though we have had different experiences I've come to somewhat similar conclusions/revelations myself. There's such a strong emphasis on "identity/s" these days, and for years I was wrapped up "exploring" my identities (in reality, I was creating narratives and symbolic selves). (pt 1)

Thank you for your very kind words! I'm very happy to learn that my writing is engaging and accessible, because that's what I want!

I am not aware of Erickson's theory of the stages of development (and will look into that) but I absolutely agree that it's a teenage mindset. I wrote a post a while back about an immature mind, for example, fantasising about becoming a rock star - and how in that mind, 'rockstar' isn't the result of a human dedicating years of their life to developing a craft and then recieving praise and adoration as a result, but rather a distinct 'category' of person, where everything in the scene (the band, the music, the instruments, the stage, the screaming crowd) all serves as part of the same metaphysical identity; there is not distinction between the person and the symbols around them, and this scene is considered almost outside of time, existing in situ, in a vacuum. Part of engaging with symbolic necessarily involves a disconnect from understanding what things are and how they're conncted, and there's a narcissism where all things are made made to serve the person's 'identity' instead of existing in their own right; this is perfectly natural for a teenager, I would argue, because they're yet to truly understand what things are. But adults have 'no excuse', biologically-speaking, so any clinging to the symbolic is absolutely done to eschew adult responsibility and emotional maturity, preserving that comfortable teenage mindset of fantasy (I say this with full self-awareness, for the record).

However.

I err on the side of caution when it comes to pinning the blame on what is, essentially, 'kids these days' and their immaturity and entitlement. Whilst I fully recognise that the symbolic mindset is a form of stunted development, it is only one facet of a rich tapestry of potential forms of immaturity. Here's what I actually believe is happening:

This is the first time in human history where a large chunk of the population have existed in relative physical comfort and safety for multiple generations; we're not scared animals anymore, and for a long time we were vulnerable to accepting whatever minimal circumstances, belief systems etc. we were exposed to. In a comfortable environment, there is time to reflect on grander concepts - and, with mass media, this reflection doesn't have to happen to a billion individuals with minimal ability to communicate to each other, but rather we can collectively learn as a society, forming a group consciousness (in a purely metaphorical sense, not jungian or spiritual or w/e). As that consciousness is reflective of the individual consciousness, it can 'mature' in the same way an individual can, and what I see is a gradual emotional maturing of society.

Maturation is not the perfect system we all want it to be - a lot of archetypes of a 'mature' person are a tacit acceptance of systems as they are, dissilusionment, and an internal inner peace that allows for a disconnect from the empathy of others. We're told all the time that people 'get conservative as they get older' and I believe that's because as you go through more shit, you get stronger/more comfortable in yourself, and you start to look down on people who don't have the same maturity level as you.

One of the issues surrounding our perception of 'growing up' is that you never escape conditioning by the world around you. And the entire way we communicate, the way we think, the way we interpret ourselves and others and social behaviour and morality - all of it is (I don't like to use the word 'corrupted' because that implies there's a 'pure' version of these things) influenced by a society that is structured in hierarchy and domination - and that is entirely the case because there are people who benefit from it. A perfect example is the phrase 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me' - this is a phrase I grew up with, and as a bullied child I despised it. But that was the convential wisdom of the time; a mark of maturity is to be so strong in yourself that words simply bounce off you, and you can't be hurt. But how do slurs factor into all of this? In the past decade, the biggest leftist social faux pas has been to directly challenge these social wisdoms - to say that, actually, victimhood isn't a mark of impurity on the victim and that, actually, hurting people makes the person causing the pain look bad. That our 'personal responsibility' is to make sure we're not causing pain to others, not to take zero responsibility in causing pain and to merely expect that the other person decide within themselves that they're not hurt anymore and now can forgive you. We're rapidly forgetting how powerful the culture of machismo, especially for men, really was - the dominant wisdom for a long time was emotions make you weak and cringe.

What I percieve as happening that we have a cultural growth that has reached its own stage of emotional maturity. We're not so scared and vulnerable anymore, so people are finally able to look back and say, 'hey, that person hurt me, and that was their fault, actually, not mine'. But, naturally, there has been an overreaction, and people who still wish to dominate and be cruel (because we still live in a society where the foundational structure is built from domination and cruelty), are absolutely using that to their advantage. Abusers can now claim to be soft souls hurt by others - something we should be reserving for the people hurt by them. And then, of course, those that still think this is cringe and immature see the abusers and the narcissists take that language for themselves, and use this as 'proof' that the whole enterprise is inherently narcissistic and a deviation from a healthy, emotionally mature society. Right-wingers believe that any tendency towards fairness and compassion is proof society is going downhill, and after a decade of being told they weren't allowed to use slurs, they saw wearing masks as taking this whole kindness thing too far, and dug their heals in in a way that didn't happen when my country literally banned smoking indoors.

A major factor in all of this I do not want to ignore is capitalism. A primary reason that there's a 'cultural obsession with personal identity' is literally because of capitalism - 'consumerism' isn't just a minor factor in it, but rather a symptom of an identity constructed in an environment of both capitalism and mass media. Mine was the first generation to grow up with a litany of mass media, and I can now recognise that my relationship with the symbolic was formed during that time. As part of the cultural growth, a checkpoint is the irony-poisoned 90s, where there was a growing self-awareness, especially around how the culture we consume has affected our identity. I grew up in that environment, and without me knowing I was consuming very self-aware media - The Animaniacs comes to mind. This definitely influenced my relationship with myself as inherently meta and self-referential, I understood myself in terms of tropes before I ever got to fully get to know myself in isolation. I think that's a large reason why my generation in particualr is prone to this brand of symbolic thinking. I emphasise this brand of symbolic thinking because, once again, we think of this 'identity' stuff as something inherent to 'kids these days', but before this people took their identity and narrative and aesthetic from literal religion - I can't ignore the role atheism has to play in the way my generation engages with the symbolic.

All of this - the cultural irony leading to cultural dissilusionment, the growing up with (self-aware) mass media (especially video games), the loss of religious narrative but without a strong sense of identity to replace it, the internet allowing for us to indulge in symbolic identities and describe ourselves using words and concepts to others without needing to attribute those concepts to material, physical reality - all of this has been absolutely exploited by capitalism. Capitalism wants us to have symbolic identities, capitalism wants to exploit out trauma, our vulnerability - or, rather, 'capitalism' doesn't really want anything because it's ultimately a metaphysical concept. But how it's played out is that it benefits those in power to naturalise and cement the social and fiscal structures that preserve and perpetuate their power, through making them an inescapable part of how we exist and communicate both individually and culturally; capitalism, especially internet-powered capitalism, is the first time in history that our symbolic identities have resulted in real-world impact. Capitalism makes symbolic identities real in a way nothing else can - religion is a close second, but religion kind of necessitates a pro-social element, whereas my identity can be influenced by me walking past an advert and going into the shop to buy my mountain dew, and then I can post a photo of me drinking 'gamer juice' online and have people percieve me as a curated, isolated identity of 'gamer'. No church can incite within me such a personal and intimate and 'concrete' sense of symbolic identity.

TL;DR it's very, very easy to view this whole phenomenon as kids these days being obsessed with identity for nebulous/unknown reasons, but I think there is a very real and delicate and complex web of social factors at play, here. And the last thing I want is to downplay what the benefits of 'therapy speak' and 'identity labels' etc. have done for society, especially oppressed peoples lacking a voice - it's only natural that those things are going to get misused accidentally/maliciously (and I don't think there's a clear-cut line between those), because the process of social change/growth is messy and nonlinear. Unfortunately for me the big question is just how sustainable this concept of 'taking responsibility for our unconscious beliefs/behaviours and caring about the hurt we cause others regardless of our intentions' is; we're already seeing a mass backlash against the concept of privilege just in how the term is deployed in arguments against 'terfs' - women always get lumped with the blame whenever an important social change gets misused.

[rayraygo1267]

Nathalie is in denial, all like "I just have a deep admiration for Gabriel's drive to rescue Emilie, but it's not romantic" and uses formal distance (like calling him "sir") to maintain that.

Meanwhile, Gabriel is over here like "I am head over heels but she only sees me as a friend oh woe is me", using her formal distance as proof that she doesn't love him.

Adrien drops the "mom" word on Nathalie and she goes into an entire crisis, and lands at "good lord I am smitten".

Nathalie tries to test the waters, and foregoes the "sir" once. Gabriel very much notices and mentally screams, but his resting scowl makes Nathalie think "oh no he don't like that"

Nathalie waits a few days, before giving Gabriel her resignation. "What! Why?" "I'll get in the way of the goal." They get into an argument, and it ends with Natalie shouting "Because I'm in love with you!" which shuts Gabriel up real quick. Nathalie's all like "and it conflicts with your goal; I'll only impede you" and Nathalie's rant is stopped by Gabriel's "I'm in love with you, too."

long story short they are very in love. keep doing what you're doing. you're doing the entire gabenath fandom the biggest service. you're amazing

Another Gabenath Fanfiction

Note: I just wanna start off by saying I absolutely love this idea and thank you for the kind words and the suggestion! ❤️❤️ ❤️

Also I want to apologize for how long this took me. This was originally going to be released in full, but I realized the story was becoming a little too lengthy so I decided to release this in chapter increments instead. So there will be more chapters continuing on from this one!

Rated: T

Warnings: minor language

Word Count: 1,624

Title: Admiration in Disguise

Chapter One

“I really am sorry sir,” Nathalie’s voice was hoarse, her chest filled with sappy fluid. Gabriel sat at her bedside, his brows creased in what seemed to be a permanent worried line. 

“Don’t apologize Nathalie,” he murmured, his eyes downcast, “It is I who should be apologizing to you.” 

Nathalie frowned, though she couldn’t find the strength to protest. Their most recent battle against Ladybug and Chat Noir had not been the least bit fruitful. Their plan seemed to misfire at every turn and it was all Nathalie’s doing. If she wasn’t so effortlessly fragile then their chances of defeating the elusive bug and her pesky cat would be much more promising. 

“Here. Drink,” Gabriel held out a glass to Nathalie, pulling her from her thoughts. His grip on the cup was firm, unlike her own, which seemed to only tremble. 

The condensation of the cup felt cool against the tip of her lips, water sprouting on her tongue, though some tiny droplets did manage to slide down her chin. In a moment Gabriel had a cloth ready to capture the excess moisture. Nathalie observed him carefully, as his fingers and the cloth shrouded around the sides of her face.

“Sorry,” she choked out once more. 

Gabriel chuckled, though it held no amount of humor.

“Look at yourself, Nathalie. Look at what I’ve done to you.” 

Nathalie’s expression softened, “Sir—” 

Gabriel raised a hand, qwelling her words, “I’ve been selfish, Nath. Your sickness has only been intensifying and I can’t help but blame myself.” 

Nathalie grimaced, slowly inching herself closer to Gabriel, the duvet the only thing separating  them. Gabriel took Nathalie’s hands in his own, his chest seizing at the feeling of the coolness in her fingers. 

“This isn’t your fault sir. I’m fully aware of the risks I’m taking. You know I want nothing more than to help you,” Nathalie assured, her voice full of sincerity. She squeezed Gabriel’s hands, though her muscles were numb. 

Gabriel stared at her, his blue eyes reflecting into her own, “I appreciate that, but I can’t keep putting you through this. I’m practically killing you.” 

“You’re not—-” as if summoned, her ailment made its presence known, as one of her coughing fits started up again. 

“Nathalie!” Gabriel shrilled, his urgent concern dripping like sap from a tree as he rested his hands upon her shoulders, his fingers pressing into her back. 

After what felt close to a millennium, Nathalie’s coughing spell ceased, though she was left gasping for air. 

“You see Nathalie. This is exactly what I’m talking about,” he murmured gravely, taking a lock of her scarlet red streaks, pushing it neatly behind her ear. Nathalie’s eyes widened at the feeling of Gabriel’s hand on her cheek, his skin akin to a gentle inferno. 

“I promise you that I am perfectly alright sir.” Nathalie breathed, “You can’t let your concern for me distract you from your goal — from Emilie.” 

Gabriel sighed, his expression contorting, “Emilie wouldn’t want you to suffer like this.”

Nathalie huffed, a wave of exasperation igniting in her core, “But what about Adrien sir? He needs his mother—” 

“What Adrien needs is stability. He’s already suffered the burden of losing his mother; we cannot let him lose you too,” Gabriel said, his determination unwavering accompanied by his steely gaze. 

Adrien. 

Just the mere thought of the young boy’s name consumed Nathalie with an unmatched guilt. She would never want to do anything that would cause the boy harm. Nathalie sucked in a breath, her expression solemn. 

“You are his family and this family will always come first,” Gabriel affirmed, dropping two capsules of cough-drop pills into Nathalie’s palm. The pills  seemed to carry a weight to them or perhaps that was just Nathalie’s perception of them compared  to Gabriel’s hand, which felt light and smooth. Gabriel held up the glass of water to Nathalie’s lips again as she swallowed the pills, her eyes closing as she did so. 

“Thank you sir.” 

“No, thank you Nathalie,” Gabriel said earnestly, his hand tucking underneath her chin.

Nathalie observed as Gabriel’s eyes glazed over. He held a look that Nathalie could not put a name to — soft but driven and yet still something hidden underneath. Nathalie could sense how her breathing became thicker, a flutter coiling down into her stomach. 

Gabriel blinked, his focus clearing, “Rest now Nathalie. I’ll have Adrien bring you your dinner.” 

Nathalie couldn’t bring herself to speak, her voice trapped in her throat, “Yes, sir.” 

“Ooh-la-la! Miss Nathalie!”

Nathalie startled, a gasp catching momentarily in her throat as her hand flew to her chest. 

"Duusu!" She scolded, her heart still pulsating from the abrupt scare. 

"Sorry Miss Nathalie!" Duusu singsonged, flying over to hover above her owner’s shoulder.

Nathalie let out a strained chuckled, though it sent a poignant sting revving down her throat. 

“What’s the matter Duusu? Couldn’t find a more creative way to say hello?” Nathalie teased whilst moving to pull her laptop shut. 

Duusu giggled, her voice ringing high like chimes, “What are you working on, Miss Nathalie?” Her curiosity was evident in the way her wide eyes peered inquisitively at the reflection of the computer screen. 

Nathalie’s cheeks flushed with color, a rim of anxiety shooting down her spine. 

“It’s nothing Duusu — just organizing some files.” 

In the next moment, Duusu let out a melodramatic wail, accompanied by vigorous arm flapping. 

“But Miss Nathalie! Mister Gabriel insisted that you rest!” 

Nathalie sighed, realizing that she wasn't going to be able to reason with the little overly persistent kwami, despite the fact that she had been indeed ‘resting’ for she had taken to her work in her bedroom.

“You and I both know how desperately Gabriel needs the miraculous to bring Emilie back and I want nothing more than to help him but… she paused, a wave of dizziness washing over her, a painful reminder of the very thing she was trying so hard to overcome, “my illness is the very thing that is holding him back and I can’t do that, not when his intentions are so pure. I refuse to be his undoing, much less the catalyst in his downfall.” 

Another wail escaped Duusu once more, along with even more intensified arm flailing. 

“But Miss Nathalie! Mister Gabriel doesn’t want you to get sick like Miss Emilie!” 

A tender smile played on Nathalie lips at Duusu’s caring nature, as she extended her cupped hands towards the kwami.

"I'm not Emilie, Duusu. I'm Gabriel's assistant. It's my job to assist him."

"But you're more than that–you’re family! Mister Gabriel said so!" Duusu argued.

"Adrien's family," Nathalie corrected.

Duusu wailed again, "But Mister Gabriel cares about you too!” 

Nathalie huffed, her heartbeat stuttering. She could feel a tiny bead of warmth spread throughout her chest, though that was mostly cloaked by her astonishment at Duusu’s ramifications. 

“I…Well…I am his assistant so I’m sure he cares about me to some extent.” 

Duusu whined, her crests swaying back and forth, “But don’t you care about him too Miss Nathalie?” 

Nathalie’s muscles clenched, that familiar warmth returning to her core, “He’s my boss Duusu so yes, of course I care about him but only in that of a professional capacity.” 

“But—” Duusu started, her entire body convulsing with protest before being abruptly cut off by Nathalie.

“Are you trying to suggest something Duusu?” Nathalie snapped, arms folded. 

She honestly didn't like being this harsh with Duusu, but she didn't like what the kwami was trying to imply either.

"He is my boss and I am his assistant—that is all," Nathalie reiterated with as much conviction as she could.

Duusu stayed silent for a moment, mumbling and buzzing about to herself until she piped up, "But are you sure, Miss Nathalie? I think Mister Gabriel wants to get closer to you. He even told you not to call him 'sir' anymore."

The kwami wasn't wrong. Gabriel had indeed made that request multiple times, and recently he'd urged her to address him by his first name in front of Adrien, which had certainly taken her aback, to say the very least.

Nathalie bit her lip, her hands clanging together, “We’ve known each other for quite some time Duusu but the fact still remains — I am his employee. It would be impolite of me to address him in any other manner."

Duusu giggled, "I don't know Miss Nathalie. I think Mister Gabriel has feelings for you."

Nathalie’s head snapped up, a tingling sense of bewilderment coursing through her veins.

“Enough Duusu!” she hissed sharply. 

Duusu’s laughter halted abruptly, a whimper chiding from her, "I’m sorry Miss Nathalie."

Regret clawed at Nathalie's heart as she watched Duusu sulk away to turn in for the night — her desire to call her back and her desire to hold her ground conflicting. She hadn't meant to hurt Duusu's feelings, but she had to shut the kwami down.

She couldn’t have Duusu going around with such speculations, especially when there was no truth to them. Sure, she cared for the man and did hold quite a deep respect for him, but who wouldn’t? Gabriel’s intentions were beyond the most noble. His ambition and utter devotion to Emilie was remarkable — truly admirable.

Gabriel always put his love for Emilie above all else and Nathalie wished with all her being that she could say the same, for Emilie had once been one of her closest companions. And Gabriel, despite his cold exterior, had a heart of gold — a heart that didn’t deserve the heartbreak it had suffered. 

Nathalie wanted nothing more than to see Gabriel smile again, for his joy evoked something in her, something akin to a euphoric bliss.

Nathalie would ensure Gabriel’s success, even if she died in the process.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I hope everyone enjoyed this first chapter of Admiration in Disguise! I promise I'll have chapter two out as soon as possible! Also, if anyone has any more Gabenath fanfic ideas please don't hesitate to send them my way!

[sol-consort]

I didn't expect the Thane post, i even forgot my og ask, but by chance, I saw it scrolling through my homefeed (which i dont often check bc im not super active on tumblr) and omfggg, the scream I scrumpt. What a happy suprise! We Thanemancers got fed GOOD. Thank you. My heart feels healed. Now, I will need to invest in creating a time machine, clone you, and send your clone back in time to work on me3. Perhaps make a whole army of clones to make each clone work on the writing for every romance. The Kolyat inclusion is peak. Thank you for not forgetting Kolyat, he really is so inportant to Thane. Geniunly made my entire week. I want to print your post out and chew on it everyday. Thank you!

🫡

I felt bad for taking so long because the chances of the original requester actually seeing the finished fic got more and more slim by the day.

And by some twist of fate you actually end up seeing it!! Even though I only started being active again a couple days ago?? Even though you rarely open tumblr??? The fact it was on your homepage rather than you specifically looking for stuff on the Thane x Reader tag???

I'm beyond happy <333

Most of all, I'm really glad you liked it! That fic might not have been the most intricate vocabulary wise, but god, it drained me creativity wise, having to come up with scene after scene, second doubting myself, erasing and rewriting.

I will never underestimate storyboard writers and script makers after this. It felt like a world champion boxing match where I only managed to win by an inch. Damn that story got hands.

I had to scrab the whole Party and Identity Theft II mission stages because words wouldn't register in my brain anymore. Maybe in the future I'll go back and add them, but for now I'm clinging to my beloved short drabbles.

Then there was this whole letting it rot in my draft for months out of petty bc I thought no one was reading my stuff either way, what's the point in posting it– I got upset at the idea I spent so much effort on one story only for it to possibly end up never read by a single person.

I tried not to gloss over Thane's condition or his impending doom. I didn't want it to be a full escapism–which is ironically my ideal style–but a proper sweet goodbye, a final dance, the chance to experience life by his side a little bit more, a small extension on the deadline before the curtains fall.

And I wanted Kolyat to share the spotlight as well, he deserved so much more. Shepard was there during the confrontation, aware of it or not, you were a turning point in his life as much as his father finally stepping up to take full responsibility for his past actions.

Kolyat and Grunt being best friends came out of nowhere tbh, at that point the characters had a mind of their own. And it hit me, Kolyat grew in the hanar world, it's mostly oceans, he must have gone to swim a lot, he definitely knows about the aquatic life.

What if I give him an interest in marine biology? What if that's what he's persuing in his study in uni, hanar granted him a fully paid scholarship—another bittersweet benefit he got handed in exchange for the ruthless job his father took—while working a part-time job himself, living in a modest apartment and leading an independent life.

But Kolyat is a loner. He has no friends, no significant other, or even pets. Which causes Thane great concern, Drell society values finding a parter a lot. Maybe that's why Thane moved into his apartment to help make him feel less lonely and subtly push him into making friends. Blaming himself for Kolyat's antisocial nature.

So, with Grunt being very fascinated by sharks, a massive extrovert, a natural leader personality, zero hesitation to speak his mind and aim for what he wants. He makes the ideal friend for Kolyat!

-

The wedding imagery and symbolism in the casino stage are my absolute favourite details. Part of it was because I saw a mod for "wedding dresses" back when I was playing ME2 for the first time, scrolling through the mods page for a nice looking dress to use in the casino mission.

Writing Thane's distraction lines was fun ngl. One scrapped line was about him walking up to a human security guard, mentioning how he's actually dating a human and wanted to get some advice on how to woo you and act, what do humans consider romantic?

But then I remembered Garrus has a similar line, just a little more sexual and I didn't want there to be repetition.

Thane didn't seem like the type to hit on the security guards like other characters, even as mere pretend. He's too devoted to his partner for that. Half of his lines were genuine, wanting to hear about the human's family back on earth as a way to help them vent.

-

Lastly, you're so kind <3 Thank you so much for your sweet words fosjofjskfks It made me so happy to receive this. I never expected it, which made it just more sweeter.

100% on board with the whole cloning thing, it should've been me on that ME3 writing board! I would've given Cerberus justice I swear! I would've kept Thane alive by the sheer power of love...maybe some prothean magic too.

Like you receive an email for him stating his concern for Kolyat getting into trouble again, he's been coming home more and more late each night. He asks you to investigate, you oblige.

First stage is following his son through the Citadel stealth style, exactly like Thane Loyalty mission in ME2. But it's much shorter and ends once you see Kolyat board an unmarked spaceship.

You follow him, ofc, try to confront him. He's surprised by your presence but then expresses relief rather than acting what you'd expect from someone caught red-handed.

He explains he read in an asari research paper about a prothean technology that could possibly help repair damaged organs, or at least prevent them from degrading even further. But the research has been abandoned since the war and developing biotics took priority.

Kolyat informs you that he's been investigating and managed to get a copy of the whole unedited first draft of the published paper. Some scrapped information in it were apparently the theorised location of the prothean artifact.

He's going there to retrieve it, with or without your help...but he'd be very thankful if you came. He doesn't know how to uh...hold a gun you see, some skills don't pass down in genetics.

You can agree - Thane lives, Kolyat lives

Both of you go there and you can pick only one other teamate. Kolyat is a bit of liability, but bringing him along opens shortcuts and grants you so much lore about him, his late mother, and Thane's past self. It is Kolyat's loyalty mission in a way. You gain the hanar Marine biology branch as a war assest afterwards. You Gain Thane as a new recruit.

-

You agree, but demand he doesn't come along - Thane lives, Kolyat dies.

He went behind your back and boarded a different shuttle, without the Normandy abilities...the ship barely makes it into the atmosphere before the prothean technology defences shoots it down.

Thane is very visibly depressed and apathetic for the rest of the game. You gain Thane as new recruit.

-

You refuse and demand he hands you the papers - Thane dies early, Kolyat lives

Plays out the same in canon. You gain Prothean research papers as a war asset.

-

You refuse - Thane dies early, Kolyat dies

Same as canon but no funeral this time since Kolyat isn't alive to make preparations. You don't gain anything.

-

I imagine the mission to be your run of the million clearing out a base, etc. Maybe throwing in some stray collectors who were hiding their for old times sake? Bringing Javik and Lara gives unique dialogue, but you can't bring both unless you sacrifice Kolyat.

Bringing Javik informs you early that this technology isn't a miracle maker and doesn't magically fix organs. It simply delays the inevitable a little bit. It grants the sick a short extension on their lifespan, the pain mostly disappears, their health is restored...but it's a mirage. Nothing in reality changes much, placebo is hell of a thing.

However, despite you telling Thane about the placebo, it still takes effect. He makes the most of his time, realising he doesn't want to spend the last of his moments in a hospital bed.

But if you don't bring Javik, then you never discover that fact, which makes the eventual death scene when both of you realise his health is still deteriorating, much more painful.

-

Ik you're joking about the munching thing, but if you want to save a copy for yourself or just to keep in your files and reread, then I'm more than okay with that. In fact, I crossposted the fic to AO3, which natively lets you download it in any format.

[mightbeawriter]

20 questions for fic writers

How many works do you have on ao3?

Technically 20, not counting the Evil Story that I gave away to another writer because it was making me miserable. I have 19 under this screen name, and an anonymous one-shot posted under a different screen name that only one very clever person has successfully identified.

What's your total ao3 word count?

1,912,721.

Don't look at me. I know I have a problem.

What fandoms do you write for?

Just Lucifer (TV)

Top five fics by kudos:

Unwritten (I don't think anyone is surprised by this), currently at 3,102

Detonation, currently at 3,073

Tell Me Something I Don't Know, currently at 1,756

Unassailable, currently at 1,586

Revolution, currently at 1,318

Do you respond to comments?

I do, although I'm never really sure what to say beyond a really heartfelt thank you for reading, or to explain a character's mindset or actions if someone seems particularly upset.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Happy endings are a contractual condition with my demons, but there was a Maui one-shot prompt that had kind of an ambivalent one, so I suppose that one. Ourobouros.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think Revolution is the ending that makes me want to cry happy tears.

Do you get hate on fics?

I... don't think so? Most of the hateful comments I get (which are few, to be fair!) are mostly directed at specific characters or their actions, or sometimes even canon. Those either get defended, deleted, or ignored.

Do you write smut?

... unfortunately. Deckerstar is quite insistent about it.

Craziest crossover:

I don't do crossovers, unless you count Constantine popping up briefly in Unwritten.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not fully, though I've had a start on Detonation, and a couple of other queries. My stories are long beasts, so I really can't blame anyone for not wanting to stick with that onerous task.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

My demons are solitary creatures, much like myself. They don't play well with others, and they have very specific ideas about how stories will go and will not be gainsaid.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of. I've never looked, but I assume if someone else noticed, they would have said something.

All time favorite ship?

I'm not a big shipper, which is why it's so surprising that Deckerstar has nested so comfortably in my head.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The only one I hope I never finish is the Evil story, that I managed to pawn off. I want to finish the two stories I have in progress and never start another. That's the goal. I just have to figure out how to revive my demons long enough to make that happen and then put them down again.

What are your writing strengths?

As you all know, I'm not really a writer, so I don't know that I really have strengths, but... maybe characterization? Getting their voices and mannerisms right. Probably angst?

What are your writing weaknesses?

Uh, same caveat here, but probably action. Plot. Smut. Emotion.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Well, Lucifer speaks every language, so it makes sense to include some if it fits the story. I try not to use too much, because it's always going to be obvious that I'm using Google Translate. If anything, I'll let him speak some Spanish with Miss Lopez here and there, because I do speak a little bit of that.

First fandom you wrote in?

Uh, Lucifer. As Eve said, "First and only!"

Favorite fic you've written?

Rebehold the Stars, my favorite word-child!

Thanks for the tags, Kat and Sox! This was fun! I think you guys have already tagged most of the other writers I know on here... Wollf, do you do you want to play? @thewollfgang

[kaddyssammlung]

The Love You Want - Analysis

The Love You Want

“You lie an inch apart on your own continuum”

Don't we all do that somehow? We all percieve the world through our filters of our past and therefore we all kind of do that. It's really hard to overcome stuff like this. This is part of my daily “business”. Becoming aware of those filters and taking new paths.

“Now keep the freakshow talk to a careful minimum”

This takes me back to times where everything felt so dramatic and serious and I took myself very seriously. There was no distance between my actions and my thinking. I acted on every impulse without being able to have any control. I was told that I seemed crazy quite a lot. I can't really blame anyone. I would describe them as crazy times. Being hung over a lot or rather all the time did not really help. Drinking a lot messes with your perception.

“I'll find a different harbor to lay my anchor in”

Next time I want to break up with someone I'm going to say exactly this XD.

Let's see how she will react.

Okay this is kind of evil but I interpret this this way.

“And you'll find a different way to keep from setting sail again”

I don't fully understand this. Does he mean that they should not be with someone? I mean they can set sail and then find someone else? Right?!

To me this is about breaking up with someone.

“But I'm still full of the love you want”

Really? I don't know if that is good. When I think back about “Like That” and the way that you were treated, Vessel then I don't know if this is something good. It's nice that you are full of love though.

“still waking up beneath it all”

It's makes me think about the countless times he kind of refers to being under the water or being caught somehow. It sounds like “waking up beneath it all” is like a nightmare.

“I'll reach for you on faith alone”

This is interesting yet I can't really place it. Because faith in what?!

“Seems your heart is locked up and I still get the combination wrong”

I get what he is saying but I wonder who this is directed towards. Does he mean Sleep? Is there someone else?

Other than that I really like this image that he creates with this.

Maybe their heart is locked up for protection? Maybe they want to protect themselves or others also?

“or are you simply waiting to save your love for someone I am not?”

This reminds me of me kind of being an asshole during the last summer. There was someone out there who really wanted to get to know me better but I totally “blocked” her. Idk if we would have been good for each other. I will never find out.

“Too many swallowed keys will make you bleed internally someday”

I get the analogy. The keys that he used to try to open up their heart. But this also leaves a strange taste in my mouth. As if it maybe also hints at other strange behaviors. Maybe something eating or disordered eating related? I have no idea.

But also, yes the swallowed keys will kind of kill you. Meaning that if someone does not want to open their heart for you then you can't make them.

It also makes me think about the guy where I buy my alchemical substances from. He refers to them as “keys”. Let's say I have trouble with opening my heart then I would use something to activate that chakra.

You could then say that this substance is like a key to my heart chakra :)

“Maybe, you believe that in the end You will be better off that way?”

Yes, I do. It's easier with my BPD. If no one is with me then I don't have to be afraid that someone will leave me. Thank you for calling me out again.

In the video Vessel is being “killed” and then ends up in the same place as in the begging of the video. It makes me think about reincarnation. Since I'm someone who believes in that, too. The only way to “escape” this is through ascension. That's just how I see it.

[shy-urban-hobbit]

I would love to see what you come up with for 33. "Don't cry" from the angst prompt list with lambert/aiden, what would make one of them (or both) cry? Thank you! 💖

33 - "Don't cry." I hurt myself with this one.

Aiden has major guilt after a hunt gone wrong.

Aiden groaned, trying to simultaneously rub the sleep from his eyes and move his hair off his face. Crap, when had he fallen asleep?

Someone let out an amused huff next to him, "Mornin' Sunshine."

Aiden's breath left him in a shaky exhale as he flipped his body to fully face the other side of the bed.

"Lambert?"

"You expecting someone else?" He asked arching an eyebrow.

Aiden saw his cocky expression morph into one of concerned panic just before his vision started to blur.

"Oh shit, Aiden. Please don't cry."

Aiden didn't need to be able to see Lambert to know that the other would be looking like one of his own bombs was about to go off in his face. He could almost feel the heat from Lambert's hand as it hovered awkwardly in the vicinity of his shoulder. His Wolf never did know how to handle tears, from anybody.

"I'm sorry, Lambert. I'm so sorry!"

"For what? It's not like you're the one that pumped me full of venom."

"Which happened because you shoved me out the way! You stupid-" Aiden broke off as another sob shook his entire body, "You should have let me take the fucking hit."

"Like I was gonna do that. Besides, outcome would still be the same, just reversed."

Aiden could hear the shrug. His sobs turned into a snarl as the others nonchalants filled him with anger.

"Why aren't you mad at me?" He demanded, scrubbing furiously at his eyes to glare at the other, tears still falling.

"This is all my fault. I know it, you know it. Your family-"

"Won't blame you." Lambert interrupted firmly, "They all know the life. Something like this was bound to happen eventually and Vesemir gave his word you're as much an honorary Wolf as Coen, remember?"

Aiden felt fingers ghost through the ends of his hair, "They won't punish you for something I did. Despite what people think I'm capable of thinking for myself and I don't regret it."

Aiden could only lie there and take in the others still haggard appearance as he continued playing with his hair. Golden eyes slightly sunken and surrounded by dark circles that had nothing to do with potions, skin too pale apart from the spider web disappearing under the neck of his tunic, showing the path of the manticores venom. More than anything, Aiden wanted to reach out to him but something was holding him in place, warning him the moment would be gone if he moved.

"Try and get some more sleep, you look about as good as I probably do right now. I promise it's going to be alright, Kitten. Just, don't cry over this again, it's not worth it. I'm alright, honestly. Nothing hurts anymore and I'm going to be right there with you. Please don't cry. Promise?"

"Lambert, I..." The rest of the declaration drifted as Aiden's eyes suddenly felt incredibly heavy, drifting closed of their own accord.

The last thing he was aware of was Lambert giving that crooked grin he loved so much, "I know. You too. So damn much."

The pillow was damp when Aiden woke and he didn't need to check the other side of the bed to know it would be stone cold. He buried his nose into the soft, worn fabric of the tunic he'd tucked by his head, already dreading the day the scent would be truly gone.

It was some sort of cruel mockery that he could see the start of the mountain pass leading to Kaer Morhen from his window. He never thought it was a journey he'd have to make alone but Lambert's family needed to hear it from him rather than through gossip in the spring. They needed to know what had happened to their youngest Pup.

Part of him hoped Vesemir would disregard past claims and...what? Banish him, execute him? At this point he'd happily take anything the remaining Wolves saw fit to dish out. Penance for breaking his one promise to them.

"I promise I'll keep him safe."

Aiden couldn't put it off any longer and - if he were being honest with himself - he didn't want to. He grabbed his pack from by the door, hyper aware of the silver Wolf's head tucked away safely, ready to join it's brethren on the medallion tree. The thought caused a fresh wave of grief to wash over him "Sorry Lambert." He whispered, wiping his eyes quickly, but not quickly enough to stop a few tears falling.

It looked like this was to be a journey of broken promises.

[thelostgirl21]

Men are the reason I realized I'd just been raped in the first place.

All my women friends, when I'd described the "bad sexual experience I'd had" were, just like me, attempting to rationalize it.

They were trying to say things like "well, maybe he really likes porn, and thought that's how women genuinely like sex", "he might have believed your tastes were similar", "maybe in his country, women are..."

For context:

Rape trigger warning:

It was a man that I was working with and who had spent 6 months becoming a dear trusted friend and confident of mine, only to suddenly "shift gears" in bed, start becoming really aggressive and demeaning, etc.

And so, I got so utterly confused and paniqued, because each time I told him to slow down, he'd go "Oh! I know how you like it rough!", ignore me, and it just got worse and more painful. Your mind is struggling to understand what's going on, because you do love and trust him, and you did genuinely want to have sex with him before it started.

And suddenly, he becomes a completely different person you don't recognize, which makes him 100% unpredictable.

If you start actually asking him to stop, will he hit you? Kill you?

The survival instincts kick in, and you more or less decide to be as "docile" and "loving" as you possibly can, and to "keep him pleased and satisfied" with you, in the hopes of pacifying him.

I never once said "no", attempted to insist he stopped, or tried pushing him away. The moment I realised I had a complete stranger in bed, I did all I could to avoid setting him off.

End trigger warning.

But my friend - a boy I'd known and been really close to since I was 15 (I was 21 when it happened) - looked me in the eyes and said:

"You were raped. Listen to me very carefully: you were raped. I'm a man, and I can guarantee you that there is no way in Hell that asshole didn't sense or notice your discomfort! The way you are attempting to justify what happened right now is typical rape victim behavior, and there is absolutely zero doubt in my mind that this guy raped you. You are the closest thing I have to a sister, and if he was in front of me right now, I'd fucking kill him! "

I will forever be grateful to him for how immediate and deep his anger over what had happened to me was, how much hatred he had for the other guy, and the profound conviction of his words, because they hit me like a ton of bricks and seemingly gave me no other choice than to believe him!

Thanks to his intervention, I was able to stop feeling responsible for what had happened to me, shift the blame where it truly belonged, allow myself to get angry, and start healing.

As long as women (and non-binary folks) have been so conditioned to believe that we carry the responsibility for the violence that men do to us (i.e. that we are causing it to happen), and struggle with being able to recognize it when it happens, we need men standing firm against it and calling bullshit on members of their own gender attempting to normalize it.

Men are also victims of the patriarchy, some of them are fully aware of it, and many of them are strong, vocal advocates for tearing it all down and letting people be who they are, love who and what they love, etc.

In an ideal world, women and non-binary individuals should be able to talk for themselves, and have men listen and empathize with them when they do.

But the reality is that some men will only listen to other men. So, the more men actively reject patriarchy, embrace feminism, and get loud about its message in male dominated spaces, the more likely we are to change society.

Queer men always 100% belong in LGBTQ+ and queer spaces, it shouldn't even be an issue!

But I'm a panromantic demisexual pansexual genderless woman in a relationship with a cisgender straight guy.

If I go to Pride, or any other global LGBTQ+ gatherings where gay men and lesbian women are allowed to celebrate with their own partners, you better believe that I'm going to be there to celebrate with my own partner as well!

Our relationship is queer! Our love is queer! Just because one of us isn't queer doesn't mean that we aren't a very queer couple celebrating queer love together!

Those men who fiercely love us, respect us, support us, listen to us, witness our struggles, and share their lives with us are being immersed in our queer universe, and have chosen to embrace it alongside us!

Denying their contribution to our lives and our communities, and rejecting their love and support, is not the way for us to grow stronger and stop men violence against members of the LGBTQ+.

Monosexuals actively seeking to penalize bisexuals, pansexuals, omnisexuals, and polysexuals, because they fell in love with someone of a different gender than themselves, can suck and choke on it!

And if you go "it's fine if they are both bisexual, but a pansexual with a cisgender straight guy should leave the cis straight dude at home", screw you!

I shouldn't be punished and stripped of the right to celebrate love with the one I love because of "how queer or not" my partner is!

And if patriarchy is the only home some men have ever had and known, and we tell them "feminism doesn't want you! Stay away from us!", the only thing left for them to do is to cling to patriarchy with all their might to fucking survive, because it's the only space that remotely pretends to care about them!

We are keeping them trapped into a violent, toxic global "family system" that brainwashes them, and teaches them that everything outside of that family is a threat!

Then we go "You are inherently bad based on your gender alone, and no one loves nor wants you!", confirming that patriarchy is 100% right! It's the only system that will ever give them a right to exist and feel safe!

You are actively reinforcing and strengthening patriarchy by giving it the single most powerful tool it needs to keep growing and thriving: pushing men into a corner by yelling at them that they have no other options.

My queers, we really need to put the "no men" thing away. Men are not inherently bad. There are queer men. There are questioning men. There's men that are just plain cool. Denying these men a space at our table is not helping - except the TERFs. I just came off the back of reading a transphobe gleeful rant about the need to have pride without men - They of course mean me. This kind of stuff is damaging to me and I really need us all to take a step back and maybe kill this "men dni, men not allowed" stuff. What you mean is "no men who are going to do mean stuff to me." And frankly those men won't give a shit about that kind of boundary.

But I promise you there's a fleet of good honest men who will see that and be sad they're not allowed in your version of queer spaces.

PATRIARCHY is what you hate. Dni Patriarchs.

[bucky1738]

i texted you this tonight, but you blocked my number so you'll likely never receive it. maybe the person who is looking at my blog can pass it on.

thank you to whoever that is for looking out for me, even though the way my ex went about having people check on me was a little inappropriate.

i know you don't know this but the people who i have been involved with since we separated have been made aware of my sexsomnia.

not just them, but my friends as well.

it is something i am open about because it haunts me and is an important part of my past for people to know about.

to have done something so horrible when i was not conscious.

i know it was traumatic for you as well so i will never rob you of feeling the way you do about it.

your message is valid and heard. i understand and i'm sorry. i know you don't need to hear that from me.

i asked you in the morning if anything had happened because i thought i was just having a dream. i didn't know what happened and was scared because the dream felt so real. i was not trying to cover something up, i was trying to have a conversation about something i was feeling.

i apologize for the way i reacted. i did not know how to appropriately respond or how to support you correctly and that was a failure on my part that i never expect you to forgive me for.

i remember another time i had a similar dream and woke up having a panic attack, asking you if it happened again. you said it didn't. i don't blame you for not telling me if that was when it happened again. i'm sorry if that is when it was.

regardless of whether that was when it happened or not, i am sorry that it happened again.

i don't know who you are referring to when you said you know i'm not the only one this has happened with. i don't know if you're referring to hannah who has raped me on multiple occasions or maddie who got me drunk and then tired to lure me into having sex with them before i fully woke up enough to realize what was occurring.

i know you don't know this either but i have never spoken poorly of you. to a fault i'd say. i've stopped my friends when they've tried in anger, i've stopped myself when i felt like it wasn't productive. i've never opened my mouth about you in a negative way because i am constantly thinking of the many ways i've failed you.

i wasn't awake.

i never consciously took unresponsiveness as consent.

i remember occasionally waking up and things would be occurring between us and i didn't know how i got there or what to do. i'm sorry for not speaking up about that.

i will save you the spiel about my therapy but i want you to know that i am very aware no matter how much therapy i do, it will never undo what happened.

[zombies-aliens]

I think if anything I'll always hang on to astrology like if I get someone's birthday ill probably wanna remember only to look up their sign on sidereal and see what I can read up on their sign and see if they act like their sign for fun.

So far I'm no longer looking at my daily horoscope because it has way too much influence on my perspective of my day and sometimes emotions. It's just toxic for me now bc of the attachment I have to it. "Oh just stop being attached then there's way you ca-" nah bro. I just wanna be over this shit. Same with future spouse/how does your crush feel about you tarot readings. It's just not healthy for me to take these things too literal "but it's meant to be a general readi-" I KNOWWWWWW CANT YOU SEE I FELL INTO A TRAP ANYWAYYYY. It's kinda developing an alcohol addiction: it's never a conscious choice. And that's what happened. It was happening and I was blind to it. But now I'm aware ever since a few days ago I had a fucking complete mental breakdown and I kept a straight face but it was too much for me.

I don't even like taking advice from astrology anymore I'm just so sick of it now. It's crazy how fast this is all hitting me. Ever since that bad day I had. I don't even remember what day it was. But not even a week ago as of Feb 26, 2023. I'm not saying tarot and astrology are fully to blame but they made a HUGE contribution to my emotional turbulence.

I think I wanted some kind of foresight thinking it would give me some kind of security but it made me feel like some days are doomed by fate. And as a result I stressed. It really fucked up my days. I was so invested in it I even took screenshots that I still have right now literally right now.

I want to end this on a good note. Despite the challenges I didn't expect quitting horoscopes was this easy. Don't get me wrong I'm still very curious and I did check the other day but I went a full day without checking yesterday and I had a good day, and I dont blame it on whatever the aspect of the day it was I blame the good day on letting that go. I blame myself for having that good day. I still understand ima have bad days still but I'm glad it won't feel doomed like before. Like I'm about to face a giant monster. So hopefully things go well and I continue to stay off it.

I think I'll still look into tarot but will be avoiding crush/FS readings stuff like that forever lol.

Thanks for reading and for never judging me guys. I seriously appreciate you all even tho I know no one really reads this anyway. Thanks for letting me express myself

[forsworned]

Heya, Isekai Anon here, nice to see you again! I hope everything is going well for you! If it’s not too much trouble, can you make a part 2 for the Isekai please? Take your time and thank you if you end up doing it!

+warnings. none, ur just shot into another era for zero reason jk there is mentionings of violence

+word count. 2.6k

+categories. f/m, yes reader is no longer gender neutral srry

+relationships. hashira x reader

+characters. hashira, guest appearance(s): sumi, naho, kiyo

+author’s note. apparently this is a series now :') im not crying ur crying also i am going to be redoing chapter one as it had just started off as headcanons and then led down a path to hell that i have created myself so there is no one to blame unfortunately for the turn of events that has made this monster of an isekai series

+summary. reader is having a clusterfuck of emotions after discovering the existence of demons and gets overstimulated at the piqueing interest of the hashira. they are quite curious as to why oyakata-sama is letting her stay and maybe even a little more than that...

+chapter(s). one one(rework) three four five

「chapter two: commotion & confusion」

The more you tried to force yourself to relax the more you anxious you became. The thought of demons was running rampant through your head and you couldn't stop yourself from the intrusive thoughts clouding your mind. Maybe they were nice demons?

Very wishful thinking, [name]. Very wishful thinking.

"I need to get out of here." You grumbled to yourself as you got out of the water and felt the water trickling down your body.

"Oh, [surname]-san you're already leaving? Kocho-san and I were just going to join you!" Mitsuri popped into the bathhouse with the ravenette beside her.

They didn't seem to mind you standing there completely bare, but you definitely did, though you were slow to react.

"Oh, [name]-kun, you don't have to cover yourself we're all girls here!" Shinobu giggled as she slipped off her towel and headed into the water.

You turned around immediately clinging to the towel that was the only thing keeping you from flashing them again, but they didn't seem to mind doing that to you.

You only stood there watching as their naked forms entered the steaming body. The cool fall air was starting to nip at your body so you only sighed as you dropped your towel and joined them begrudgingly.

"How nice of you to finally join us, [name]-kun." Shinobu teased with her body fully submerged now.

You ignored her snide comment as you slid into the water, still keeping your distance mostly out of embarrassment. You weren't used to bathing with other people...

"It's such a nice bath, isn't?" Mitsuri cheered as she began to wade in the water.

"...I guess so." You muttered as you looked down at your hands get distorted under the the steaming water.

"So, you've never seen a demon before?" Shinobu finally asked you. You felt yourself stiffen at her question.

"N-no, they're not from my era. At least I'm not aware of any."

"Interesting...If my theory is correct than, maybe Muzan is dead in the future so with that every demon is eradicated." Shinobu mused as she put her finger to her bottom lip in deep thought. The water that lapped at her collarbones damped the loose ends of hair that she fell out of her bun that was messily placed at the top of her head with a hair pin.

"Muzan?" The name piqued your interest.

"Yes, Muzan is the very first demon who created all the demons we have today. You can become a demon if he gives you his blood. It is apparently a very painful process."

"S-so, how old is this guy exactly." Somehow you knew the answer to this question.

"Muzan is about a thousand years old for all we know! Also demons are immortal except for in sunlight and they regrow their limbs if they're cut off. For the most part, demons usually die if we cut their heads off." Mitsuri piped in trying not to splash water on the both of you but failed.

"Kanroji-san! You got water all over my hair!" Shinobu giggled as you had a complete meltdown thinking about an immortal demons who can regenerate their missing limbs and their only weakness was the sunlight.

"W-what do you mean usually?"

The both paused to look at you. They could sense that you were overwhelmed and terrified.

"Hey," You felt both of their hands on either sides of your shoulders.

"We're here to protect you." Mitsuri said with a reassuring smile.

"The Hashira are the most powerful demon slayers and no harm will come to you." Shinobu added. "I'll also make sure to give you a wysteria tablet and incense in case you find yourself alone. It wards off demons."

You sighed. It was a sigh of relief. It was slight, but still relieving knowing that you were in good hands, probably.

After you three had finished up your baths, you had dressed into your sleeping yukata that was laid out probably while you were bathing. It was a simple teal color that fit you perfectly as you slid into it.

"Do you like your yukata, [surname]-san?" Mitsuri's head peeped through the doorway that escaped into for a moment of privacy.

You turned around and you were in awe at how cute Mitsuri and Shinobu were in their own yukatas. They were simple yet elegant. You never wore anything like this before. Usually, it was just sweats and an old tee, but this felt different...in a good way, of course. It felt almost luxurious.

"You look so cute!!" Mitsuri gushed while Shinobu giggled.

"You do look adorable." She agreed, eyeing you up and down. Her hair was now down and just grazed over her delicate shoulders. If you hadn't known any better you'd think she looked like a nymph.

You felt yourself getting a little warm around the face as you fidgeted with the tie. "Oh, t-thank you. You guys look really pretty, too."

"Oh, this old thing." Mitsuri gestured to you in a "it's nothing" kind of way. "I've had it for years. It's nothing special. But this! It's absolutely so cute and fitting to you."

"I agree. The girls got your measurements pretty well for just simply eyeing them." Shinobu took her thumb and held it up in front of her with one eye shut as she scaled out your form.

"Your bed is ready!" You heard a small voice call out.

You saw three girls peer out from the corner all smiling.

"Thank you, girls." Shinobu smiled at them and then turned to you. "You must be exhausted after the day you've had. We'll be happy to answer any of your questions tomorrow morning."

"Oh, right. We have a bit of a break so we can all do something together if you'd like." The rosette was beaming at you now. You didn't think there was ever a time she wasn't smiling.

"Alright, then. Thank you for everything. Good night." You bowed to them.

The three small girls lead you to your room as they giggled whispering to one another.

Mentionings of your name along with the other Hashira caught your attention. But their hushed voices were too low for you to understand and at this point you were too tired to even try to listen.

"This will be your room." The girl in the braids spoke as she slid the door open to your new room.

It was a beautifully decorated tatami room with a futon laid out and in front of it was a low desk with a lamp and ink and paper. Did they think you wanted to document your time here? Well, they were damn right.

"Thank you." You bowed to them. "I never got your names. Or wait," You put your hand to your chin. "Naho."

You pointed to the girl with the green waist tie on and she nodded.

"Sumi." You pointed to the one with pink one and then to the one in blue. "Kiyo?"

"Very close!" The girl in the pink waist tie spoke up. "I'm Kiyo and this is Sumi." She pointed to her counterpart with the blue waist tie.

"Ahh, I see." You smiled at them. "Well, thank you Sumi, Kiyo and Naho. I'll be sure to get it correct next time."

"Well get some rest, [surname]-san!" They all chorused as they bowed and made their way down the hallway gossiping once again. You shook your head as you made your way to the futon and laid down on it. It felt extremely comfortable and soft. So comfortable and soft that you literally could've slept right then and there but you heard voices from outside of your door that caught your attention.

"I'm not going in there." You heard a gruff voice say.

"We're just checking on her!" A loud voice basically announcing their presences. That voice you could very much tell who they were.

"Rengoku-san, you're very loud." A monotone voice spoke.

"She literally already knows we're here thanks to you." A might I say flamboyant voice interjected. "We're coming in!"

Just then the door slid open and your body jolted up and for some reason went to covering yourself up even though you were fully covered. This, unfortunately, made you look rather...suspicious if you catch my drift.

Sanemi and Giyuu immediately turning around in embarrassment, Kyoujurou was completely oblivious and well, Tengen was even more intrigued.

"We just wanted to check up on you before you left, but you look a little busy." Tengen spoke up raising his eyebrows at you.

You immediately scrambled throwing your arms up. "T-that's not what was happening! I just thought I was indecent and--"

Kyoujurou's expression had shown that the light bulb in his head had finally flickered on. If you hadn't been looking at him before he turned around in embarrassment you wouldn't have caught the healthy blush on his cheeks. Tengen, God Bless his heart, did not give a fuck and this only fueled his curiousity.

"What do you mean by indecent?"

"Your curiousity is what is going to get you slapped across the face." Giyuu's voice was even as he spoke. He was unmoving beside the quiet Sanemi. Poor, poor Sanemi. If only you saw how red his face was. If you looked close enough you could see how red his neck was getting.

"[surname]-san," Kyoujurou interrupted Tengen's intrusive interrogation which you thanked God for.

"Y-yes." You slowly let go of the collar to your yukata and readjusted your body.

"As we mentioned before, we just wanted to check on your health before you went to bed tonight." He said in a clear and serious tone.How, seemingly uncharacteristic of him. Hmmm.

"I'm fine, thank you for checking up on me."

You felt, how do I say this, very walked in on?"Apologies, for walking in on you like this. Sometimes, Uzui doesn't think before he does things."

Tengen rubbed the back of his neck apologetically. "Yeah, that was my bad. We definitely should've given you more time before coming in."

"Don't lump us into together, idiot." Sanemi's gruff voice was soft as he spoke.

"Well, to be fair. You're all pretty loud so I kind of prepared for the worst..." You took a deep breath and sighed outwardly.

"Sorry, about that. It won't happen again. We--" Tengen began to say, but Gyomei's large and looming figure stood at the doorway.

"It's very late to be in a lady's room, don't you think?" His voice was powerful.

"We were just leaving." Sanemi replied immediately as he swiftly exited the room and Giyuu followed closely behind. You could faintly hear Sanemi call him a "fucking weirdo" for following him out while Giyuu stayed silent.

"Right, we just wanted to check on her before bed time." Tengen spoke up.

"But, we realized that it was late and we were on our way out. Right, Uzui?" Kyoujurou turned around to face him and Tengen nodded with a smile.

"Yeah, we've gotta go now. It was nice seeing you again, [surname]-san." Tengen waved to you.

"Sleep well, [surname]-san. We'll be sure to see you bright and early!" Kyoujurou cheered in his more typical heartiness.

"G-good night." You murmured bowing to them as they left.

Gyomei stood there tall and glorious as every one left and was out of ear shot. "I hope they didn't disturb you too much. It's not every day someone falls out of the sky with a large bolt of lighting following it."

"Huh, is that how I came down?" You pondered for a moment.

You heard him chuckle. "You don't remember?"

"Well, it happened all so quickly and the next thing I knew I was bound up face down. So no, I don't really remember falling out of the sky with a bolt of lightning." You replied sarcastically in a playful tone.

The smile on his face was even more apparent now as he stepped into the soft light from your desk lamp. "Well, I hope you know that you're safe now. We won't let any harm come to you. Oyakata-sama trusts that you're not of the enemy, so I trust the judgement he has passed upon you."

You scoffed and rolled your eyes. "Well, thank Oyakata-sama for denouncing me as a threat."

"He's an amazing man."

"I bet. Is he blind by the way?" You asked thinking about his face being covered in what looked like a disease taking over his features.

Gyomei frowned remembering Kagaya's face. "Almost."

"I see." Was all you said sensing that it was a sensitive subject. You didn't want to pry too much. Maybe you could just ask the man himself.

"If you need anything, I'm just a crow away." A soft smile was on his usual stone like face.

"Crow?" You tilted your head in confusion.

"Yes, we communicate through crows. I'm sure when the time comes Oyakata-sama will allow you to send us messages when we're out in the field."

"Slaying demons..." You murmured quietly in a pensive tone.

"Yes, I'm sure Kanroji-san and Kocho-san informed you a little more about their existence. I can only imagine what's going through your mind considering that you are from another era where they are supposedly eradicated." He stood there waiting for your response.

"Did Kocho-san relay that information to you that quickly?" God, she was fast.

"Yes, it's important that all of us are up to date with any information. That's a rather significant bit of information, don't you think?"

"Yeah, sorry. This is all just very new to me." You scratched at your forehead feeling slightly uncomfortable.

You hadn't realized until now that Gyomei's eyes were completely white. Was he a blind demon slayer and a Hashira at that?

"There's no need to apologize. Oyakata-sama will summon you tomorrow and will ask you a series of questions pertaining to you and your era. There we can try and find some answers."

For some reason, even though Gyomei was almost stoic as he spoke, you could sense that he was trying his best to be soft with you. All you could see when you looked at him was just a gentle giant.

"Hopefully." You smiled at him.

Unbeknownst to you, your smile had probably just made his whole day as it had been a rough one for him. While you were bathing, Gyomei had made a quick mission in which a lot of lives were lost. He still hadn't even washed up yet and there was bits of dried blood strung along the back of his haori.

Most of them were not apparent to you at all and he wanted to keep it that way for now.His first thought upon coming back was to check on you, but stumbling upon those goons that were supposedly Hashira were already bombarding you and that was the last thing he needed. He didn't know why he felt the need to check on you but it was probably for the same reason as the others.

"Well, get some rest. Good night, [surname]-san." The corners of his lips curved up as he spoke and made his way out the door and slid it shut.

"What a fucking day. Maybe if I shut my eyes I'll wake up in my room again. I'll forget about this all ever happening like a distance dream or memory." You muttered to yourself as you felt sleep take you away into a subconscious universe.

Gyomei sighed closing his eyes as he leaned up against the otherside of the door overhearing your quiet words that you thought were only heard by yourself.

"Oh, [surname]-san...If only it was a dream."

He opened them after a moment and then readjusted his posture and made his way to get himsefl cleaned off from the tragic day he had to prepare for the next. Perhaps, tomorrow would be better...

[femmefatalevibe]

I have been scouring tumblr for an active advice blog, thank goodness I found yours! I recently had some huge drama with my friends, one of them cheated on their partner and I was the only one who took a stand against it. Now I’m left feeling really alienated from all of them, which I didn’t think bothered me as much as I originally thought. My current partner (they/them) and I have been together for nearly 7 months now on top of an 8 year friendship. They were/are best friends with one of their exes, which I had accepted and been able to build the proper trust with them about up until everything blew up with my own friends. Last month we went to visit their friend/ex and I was incredibly anxiety ridden the entire time and had a hard time enjoying myself. Instead of them being comforting and loving like they had been they reacted angrily and refused to talk, show affection, and blamed it all on my behavior. When we returned home we finally got to talk and they profusely apologized and admitted their friend/ex didn’t seem to have their best interests at heart. The friend never once encouraged them to discuss things with me or try to see it from my point of view, she just fed into the anger and helped to push us apart even more. They admitted they felt they still had some trauma from that relationship and friendship, being scared of her and seeking her approval. After meeting this friend myself, I saw a hugely skewed power dynamic between them and thought she was incredibly mean and controlling. I voiced this to my partner and they agreed and began to distance themselves from her, but didn’t want to discuss it or make any big decisions yet. It’s been nearly 3 weeks since we talked about it and even though the friend knows something is up and has asked multiple times to talk about it, my partner still hasn’t had the discussion with her. The friend/ex has been apologizing to them for coming between us and even me when I unfollowed her, to me it’s felt very manipulative but my partner is still trying to avoid conflict. The friend/ex has been very active on social media, commenting on my partners posts. I’m starting to lose patience. I don’t want this person in my life and it genuinely hurts me to see her all the time on social media; but my partner has asked for time and when I push them on the matter they get upset because they say they aren’t ready and have asked me to stop pushing. I’m not sure what to do, especially because this is quickly becoming a dealbreaker for me in the relationship. I feel like neither of them took the time apart they needed after their incredibly toxic relationship and break up, my partner needs time to heal and their ex is still the same toxic person she was. My partner not taking action is starting to make me very distrustful and it’s hurting our relationship, but they think I’m being to cut and dry about the situation. My opinion is that if you find a friendship is toxic, you should remove yourself from it fully. It hurts me that they’re so keen on holding onto this toxic relationship and even though I don’t think there are feelings between them, it makes me question things I never had to question. Does it make me a bad person to wish they would just end it for our sake? That I feel like our relationship is more important? We have worked hard to build trust with each other but it’s quickly slipping between us both because of this.

Hi love! I'm sorry that you're dealing with this toxic situation. People who triangulate others – especially romantic partners – can be quite emotionally draining to deal with.

I believe that you're very perceptive and have a clear, objective read on the situation. I commend you for this! It's a painful process to look at a situation like this with self-awareness and the emotional strength to confront the truth when you're in an intimate relationship with the person you need to evaluate for your own sake.

Personally, I believe that it's a red flag for someone to say friends with their ex (the only exception I could see is if someone decided to come out and express a difference in sexual orientation during the course of the relationship – but, honestly, even this situation is murky). Honestly, it seems like they're keeping her on the back burner and will never confront her because they knows that she will cut ties with them for showing loyalty to another partner. It might not be a romantic connection, but, at least from experience, there's a level of possessiveness that's innate to any ongoing sexual relationship (even if it's an FWB situation where neither person catches romantic feelings).

No, of course not. Any partner who deserves you shouldn't make you feel like you have their full attention and no competition – especially from ex-lovers. Try to shift your thinking from "am I a bad person for..?" to "am I getting my needs met?" Allow your expectations to be known to your partner. Use "I" statements to communicate your standards (e.g. I need to feel like my partner is loyal to me to feel comfortable in a relationship. When you speak to her, I feel uncomfortable seeing your ex fighting for your attention without you shutting it down. From my perspective, it feels like a breach of trust.") Then, set a boundary and see their reaction. A boundary around his situation would be: "If you continue speaking with your ex without confronting her, I'll need to end this relationship to protect my peace and emotional energy."

If they get defensive, cut them loose. Immediately.

Hope this helps xx