#I noticed how I've been hiding from myself how tired I still am despite taking a break | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

matenrou-fan · 2 years ago

Note

I've been such a fan of your work and I'm so so so excited your requests are open again! And that you write OM, too! I'm honestly torn on what to request because Hitoya is my lawyer husband (I have a commission done of him and my OC Nana) but Beel is my himbo husband.

Well, I'll let you pick. Something fluffy and NSFW would be lovely. After reader/OC had a long day and they pamper her? 💕🙏 I look forward to it and I hope you have fun with the next bunch of drafts!

Hitoya pamper his fem! s/o after a long day

ahhh hiii sweeeeetiiiie!!! thank you very much for your kind words, it warms my soul..! ^^ here, I hope you will enjoy this one work too!

femreader, fluff, fingering (receiving), sex in bath;; 2553 words;;

NSFW UNDER THE CUT

;MINORS DNI;

Ah.. such a hard, long day, indeed. You almost can't feel your own legs as you walk home, loud thrumming in your ears makes your head empty and aching, and all you can't concrete in was a good hot bath and cuddles with your husband, while you two bending each other's ears, complaining about your stupid jobs.

The door of your house crack as you get in, surprised to see lights being on. Can't it be..?

"Welcome home.." - Hitoya, your husband, walks in the corridor to meet you, already in home clothes and a cup of coffee in his arm.

"Good evening.." - A deep sigh breaks from your lips as you take off your jacket and get closer to him with a small chuckle. - "I'm the one who's late today, am I? When was the last time you got home earlier than me? It's so unusual.."

"I don't remember myself." - he chuckled too, cupping your cheek with his hand. Ah, such contrasts between his warm skin and your cold from street one makes shiver run down your neck. - "Have a rough day today?"

That's why you love him. Because, despite his grumpy cold demeanor, Hitoya always was so attentive to your needs, reading you like an open book even when you tried to hide some of your emotions. His gray eyes were serious but gentle, as he looked at your face with understanding in his pale gaze. And you can't help but freeze for a moment, mesmerized by his beauty - his ash brown hair was already uncoiled, framing his pale, tired face with messy locks. These light wrinkles and dark circles just gave him an air of consummate elegance, making your husband even more charming in your eyes. And of course he noticed your fascinated face too.

"Hey, you hear me?" - Hitoya smirks and pinch your cheek, bringing you back from the clouds to earth. - "Come on, it's cold here, let's get in the kitchen, I have something to show you.."

"Ahh, wait, I can't even walk normally, I'm so drained.." - you sigh a little, knowing damn well he would never get annoyed with you and your small tantrums.

But when you change into your comfy home clothes too and walk in the kitchen, you get silent, greeted with a bunch of dishes on the table, still warm and juicy, and the smell was so delicious.. You turn to look at your husband just to see his proud smirk.

"When I got home and didn't find you I thought to order some delivery.. Yet then I thought that I didn't spoil you for a really long time, didn't I?"

"Ah, Hitoya.. How sweet you can be sometimes.." - you mumble with a small smile, quickly sitting at the table, as your mouth is already watering from all these delicious meals.. Oh, he even cooks your favorite food, along with his favorite ham and cheese casserole.

"Stop with this lovey-dovey stuff.." - as usual, he scoffs, acting tough towards any softness, yet smirks after. - "At least leave it all for later, as I have more plans for our evening tonight.."

"Oh? You know how to intrigue.." - you can't help but giggle a little, wondering what exactly your husband hides behind this grin.

"And you don't know how to not fall under my intrigues, aren't you?" - now this smirk got even wider as he sat in front of you. - "So be a good girl and enjoy my treatment today..

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

Hitoya knows how to cook, and how to cook well, enjoying his hard work with you. Small talks quickly relax your mind and your body as you listen to his day and then venting about yours. Such a good, peaceful evening together, you adore this side of your husband so much, as he gets softer, not ashamed to tell what annoys him today at work or even makes him sad. And, of course, listening to your problems with such attention and care, giving your small advice or just cursing your stupid boss together with you.

"Mm.. that was wonderful.." - you sigh happily, leaning back on your chair with a pleasant smile. You eat so good yet you don't have this pressure in your stomach that you're full, just perfect.

The same smile plays on Hitoya's lips too as he quickly cleans the table, shushing you when you try to help him. You can't help but chuckle, as it was kinda amusing - the way he showed his love with a mix of light sullenness sometimes.

Well, as he tells you to not worry about dishes, you walk in the living room, slumped into the couch with a small yawn. You don't even know what feels better - the delicious dinner itself or the fact that your dearest husband makes it just for you, probably being no less tired than you are. And now even taking care of all dirty plates too, while you luxuriate among soft pillows.

"Mm? You didn't fall asleep?" - his sudden voice behind your back makes you jump a little and then you giggle:

"How can I? I remember your words about something more.." - you murmur as Hitoya places his hand on your head, messing with your hairstyle.

"Oh yes.. Sit here for a little bit more, okay?" - he leans closer and kisses your forehead, before leaving you again. What kind of surprise did he prepare for you? You didn't know, yet also didn't mind waiting a little, resting in the softness of the couch, kinda understanding why he was surprised you didn't fall asleep - it was hard not to..

It didn't take long as your husband got back with a smile and bent over the back of the couch, tickling your shoulder. Soft giggle bursts from you as you get up, grasping his hand and pulling Hitoya closer into a quick but playful kiss.

"Come on, don't make me wait for too long.." - your whisper tickles his lips and he can't help but chuckle too, admiring this excitement in your eyes and the way you bite your lips, inpatient:

"Of course, darling. Everything is almost ready so let's go.." - he takes your hand and leads you through the corridor to the bathroom, and you don't believe your eyes - is this really your bath?!

In the dark, lit only by small candles, it looks like some magic room from fairytales, and the sweet citrus smell of an oil along with the airy clouds of a bubble bath makes it even better, as you can't look away, shocked.

"What? Was it worth the wait?" - A low whisper tickles your ear as Hitoya gets closer, hugging you from behind. As you turn back to face him, first that you notice was his playful smile, he was clearly amused by your reaction..

"Dear.. When did you manage to do this?" - your voice dropped to a whisper too, your hands run from his shoulders down his arms as you hug him back. You both lean closer to each other, touching noses and looking in eyes.

"Mm.. While cooking, another thought crossed my mind.." - his words tickle your skin, and the light feeling of his lips touching yours drive your mind to another dimension, makes you wonder how far care of your husband will go today. - "I thought that for the last few weeks we didn't get enough time to pay proper attention to each other, don't you think?"

With these words Hitoya just pushes your fantasies even further, as playful lips to lips tickles turn into a more deep and passionate kiss this time. Hands on your waist get more ardent too, reaching blindly down and playing with your shirttail. You both probably could just keep things like that but he suddenly pulled away, only a thread of saliva connected your lips now.

"We don't want to get too carried away, okay? Let's take things nice and slow today, I want to prolong it as much as we can.." - Hitoya whispers and steps back, throwing away his shirt and of course you don't need any requests to repeat after him, also undressing yourself slowly, revealing more of your skin to your husband and enjoying his gaze that didn't leave your body even for a second. As much as your eyes kept roaming around his figure, in this mesmerizing semi darkness muscles of his shoulders and chest looked so smooth and enormously prominent, making you forget about everything around once again.

"I just told you to not get too carried away, baby.." - his low chuckle along with a slap on your ass wakes you up, pulling a little gasp from your chest. Hitoya smirks and gets into the bath first before extending a hand to you.

"Sorry.. It's kinda hard when you look at me like that.." - you bite your lip, meeting his gaze, these always pale gray eyes get so dark now, only small reflections of candle's light sparkle in this depth of lust.

Water was warm enough to make shivers run through your body, but not too hot to melt you right in place and raise your blood pressure to the point your minds get dizzy. There's other things that will bring you to this point..

You leaned back, pressing yourself to the wet and soft chest of your lover with a trembling sigh, relaxing your muscles. Despite all you can think right now was this intimacy between his body and yours, you have to admit the bath itself was also really good - unctuous water on your skin feels so nice, and smell of oil along with faint gleam of candles' light on water surface gets you in some romantical, sensitive mood.

"So my gaze was enough for you?" - the way his whisper tickles the nape of your neck makes another small sigh escape your lips. - "How cute.."

Oh of course, what would Hitoya do without his favorite teases? Even in such a smooth atmosphere he wanted to play with you a little, wanting to know how you would react to something more than gaze, maybe for some touch..? As his hands quickly wrapped around your waist for a few moments, holding you suffocatingly close to him, to the point where your ass pressed against his half hard dick. Your mewl makes the corner of his lips lift even more as Hitoya gets more bold, moving to your thighs and squeezes it under water.

Oh, how amusing it is, to watch you slowly melting under his hands, as he tickles your inner thighs with his fingertip, another arm cupping your breast, twiddling your nipple.. And you can't even return the favor and tease him back, only grasping his knees, whining. All you can do is just rub your hips against his crotch, pulling low groans from your husband.

And he can go like that for a long time, just mocking you with slow drags of his fingers on your labia, with sweet teases in your ears about how quickly you fall for it, fall for his games and teases, get so aroused when he doesn't even do much..

"Hitoya.. stop with your games.." - a whine bursts from your trembling lips as you pinch his leg in anticipation, just to hear another laugh from him:

"How can I? You sound too cute when whining like that.."

"Oh, that's it? You don't want to try to make me sound more.. pleased?" - you chuckle, pressing yourself to him again as you can feel how his dick starts twitching more, rubbing against your back.

"So you give me a challenge now?" - he leaned closer to kiss your temple, before finally moving his hand further, pressing your throbbing clit then caressing your folds.

Closing your eyes, you whine, as the first wave of goosebumps washes over you after the long - awaited touch to your pulsing core. As your husband, he knows by heart all your sensitive spots, and if you decided to goad him like that then now be prepared that he will only abuse these weaknesses, quickly turning you into a squirming moaning mess. Your loud whines and small whimpers under breath lead Hitoya in the right path for your delight, as he changes his pace and angles just to hear more shameful sounds from you.

Tight grasp of your trembling hand on his forearm, shaky hips that keep moving forward his finger with every thrust on your clit, weak voice of yours.. A beautiful masterpiece just for your husband to enjoy. He bit his lips, feeling the aching throb of his dick, as he kept grinding against your spine. His own hand that now slowly sinks inside you, stretching your walls, also starts trembling a little. This nagging urge started burning in his chest more, and Hitoya leaned closer, nibbling on your neck, hiding his groans in your skin.

Your legs spread more on its own when he hit your sweet spot inside, and you can't help but almost scratch his arms with your nails, drowning more and more in pleasure. Tossing back your head, you stop controlling your voice and body, calling your husband's name again and again, so desperate and needy.. Any thoughts fade away as you completely give way to your feelings, almost riding his fingers now, gyrating and bouncing on it.

"Hitoya.. I'm so close.." - your strength was only enough for a few seconds before your words turned into another whine. The pushing knot in your abdomen gets so tight, you can't think about anything else but your burning walls that clench around his hand, sucking his fingers more inside.

Hitoya didn't answer but sped up, thrusting in and out at just the perfect pace, making you lose the last piece of your sanity. His free hand moves to your waist, grasping on it so you would squirm too much when your orgasm hits you. And very on time - just a few moments and you moan loudly, suddenly squeezing your thighs together and locking his arm between it, your walls frozen around his fingers tightly as you came hard, with mind blank and whole body empty as all your feelings concentrate on your womanhood.

You collapse on your husband's chest, panting and whining. His hand didn't leave your body, caressing it more gently now as he helped you calm down, yet you can feel how hard his dick pushing your lower back, and his breath so heavily..

"Mm.. I think you sound pleasant enough right now.." - Hitoya mumbled with a light chuckle before lifting you and turned face to face with him. Now his cock rests against your tummy, hot glans tickling your skin. - "What about let me have some fun too…?"

"Right here?" - you raise your eyebrows with a smirk, hands playfully running on his chest and shoulders as you get lower and touch his hard cock.

"It didn't bothers you few minutes back so what the problem now?" - he murmurs, getting more tense under your touches.

"No, nothing, dear.." - leaning closer, you pull him into a kiss, tickling his lips with your tongue. You feel so refreshed and playful now. - "But it means it's my turn to play with you, no?"

"Oh, and I thought to spoil you a little bit more.." - Hitoya grasps your waist, rubbing his crotch against yours. - "Why don't you just relax and let me take more care of you today, darling..?"

#hypmic x reader #hypmic imagines #hypmic #hypnosis mic #hitoya amaguni smut #hypnosis mic hitoya #hypmic hitoya #hitoya x reader #hitoya amaguni #hitoya Amaguni x reader

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manna-moth · 9 months ago

Text

The scent of decay filled my nostrils as we approached the entrance of the affectionately named, "Corpse Of A God". The only known entrance, what we believe to be a stab wound in a would be finger. Its' still fresh blood and flesh making stomach churning squishing noises as we step into the wound. "Go to medical school" they said. "You'll become very successful," they said. Well they didn't say anything about being forced to study the insides of an unknown creature so big that we can't estimate its size. From the rumors I've heard, people believe the creature is so big it could step on earth and not notice, but the rest of the body is in another universe. Such bullshit. How would something like that even work, much less exist? The glass on my oxygen mask fogged as the exterior temperature reached boiling point. The major fluctuation of the Alaskan wilderness temperature to the inside of the creature was sudden enough to make me go dizzy. As my team and I descend into the creature, the light around us seems to dim. I looked behind me, only to find that our only entrance, and therefore only exit, was now covered with shark tooth looking giant bone fractures. Great. Now we will have to wait for however long it takes security to break through those to leave.

It has been… what? 5 hours now? Probably. I didn't bring a watch. I sat at the entrance, waiting for them to get done cutting through the bone thing. I don't know how far they have gotten, but it's taking forever. My team leader went to take a leak a while ago, did he get lost? I swear, if they didn't give us a map of what they've discovered Ialready then that's gonna cause massive confusion when traversing the inside. Might as well go check on him. As I got up, I nearly tripped on myself. Fucking hell, despite being a decomposing corpse, the inside is still very wet. Maybe it's a size thing? I travel a bit deeper into the corpse, making sure not to stray too far from the wired path, acting as my only light source. I don't know what went over me, but during my attempt at looking for my missing teammate, I somehow left the wire path. I didn't even notice, until I bumped into a warm, fleshy wall. I look around, now the only illumination given to me is the flashlights set onto my head. God knows how long those will last, but how much oxygen do I have left? I can't check because it's on my back. Supposed to have a teammate check it for you, "build trust". Wasn't there only 2 ways before? Now that my eyes have adjusted, I count at least 7. Maybe I just missed them due to my eyes not being used to the inky void-like blackness engulfing the entirety of this thing.

How long has it been? Minutes? Hours? I've lost track of time for the most part. I just know it's daytime. Guess my internal clock is just fine tuned now that I can't see the damn sky. For some reason, I haven't gotten tired in any way, by now I should've gotten hungry or thirsty. Maybe even sleepy, but no. It's like the heat of the creature is suffocating me in a way that keeps me from ever tiring. Weird metaphor, I know, but that's what it feels like. Wait, what am I stepping in? Is… is that blood? Oh god, I may have overestimated how far into decomposition this thing is in. Oh god, I can smell it. Wait, why can I smell it? I have an oxygen mask. Maybe a leak somewhere? Can't take it off to inspect, lord knows how many pathogens are running wildly around in here. I suddenly hear what sounds like multiple footsteps on the bloodied floor, for some reason, I'm not at all relieved as I should be. I feel my body freeze as a burning chill ran down my spine, dread overflowing from myself. I should- no… I HAVE to hide. I run the opposite way, my visor fogging more and more till I can hardly see until the floor disappeared out from under me. My body feeling as though it's floating under immense pressure and everything goes black.

I woke up, covered in some sticky, yellow slime. I barely got my head out of this mysterious liquid by the time my vision finally unblurred. It feels as though chains are binding my arms under the pus. My body burn, shaking. I cling onto the only solid, non-mucus covered thing I find within arms reach. I resist vomiting as much as I can. Just as I dreaded, there is a leak somewhere in my tank, the yellow liquid filling my oxygen mask. I throw it off, rather be killed instantly from the lack of oxygen than drowning.

Except. I don't. I can breathe. I open my eyes, viewing a honey-like root sprouting from a bioluminescent plant. I pull myself up, nearly slipping back into that pus filled ocean. I take a moment to gather my thoughts. My head races, not being able to catch up with the events that just transpired. How did I get here? The last thing I remember was hearing those footsteps. Then nothing but the feeling of weightlessness followed by being in that vile. The green glow of the plant, that looks to be a type of odd tree, a twisting trunk meeting a bundle of silk-like leaves that glows a near neon green. I look beyond the tree, seeing multiple fauna resembling it. A hanging, plastic looking flower, glowing almost the same green. I climb the tree to see if I can eat the leaves. For some reason, the more I climb the farther away the top of the tree seems, as though it's extending specifically so I do not reach the top. I look below me and nearly pass out. I can no longer see the ground, nor the other illuminating plants. I begin making my way back down, but like with the leaves it seems pointless. I might be so high up I can't return to the bottom, or it's extending the bottom for me not to reach the end. I get an idea, and let go completely. I fall, and fall, and fall. Surely I should have landed by now, I didn't climb for THAT long. I then suddenly hit something, stretchy as I continued to descend but slowing my own descent.

I look around again, what was once an inky void now replaced with fleshy walls, illuminated by something behind them, showing massive veins mazing all around. A strong breeze pulls me one way. I'm barely able to keep myself standing, my feet slipping down the lubricated flooring. Suddenly, the breeze stops. I regain my composure and it begins again. This time, the breeze is so strong it knocks me on my feet, carrying me down the tunnel with it. I look behind me and my stomach drops. The shark-tooth looking bones have begun protruding from what may be an exit, or at least a somewhat safer area. With a snap and crack, I crash into the bone things. one of my arms gets punctured by a tooth. Great, now if they have blood borne pathogens I'm screwed. My head spins with a mix of regret, hatred and terror. I should never have become a doctor. I never should have trusted whoever claimed they had discovered a new species bigger than a blue whale. I don't wanna die here!

I freeze. feeling something crawling up my back, unable to move, unable to count how many feet it has. I try to free my arm from the bone thing, and it produces smaller spikes. The pain Is agonizing, shooting throughout my entire body like a million needles surging in my bloodstream. Whatever is crawling on my back is now wrapping itself around my forehead, I can now hear its creaking limbs. Suddenly, the bones retract, causing me to fall down to the gooey floor. I see another tunnel at the end of this room. For some reason, I feel no need to remove the creature from my forehead. I even… welcome it. The company, potential friend. I limp to the entrance. Exit? I don't know what this counts as. Just as I pass into the tunnel, the large room behind us shifts into a 3 way tunnel itself. One way, it gets really dark. The creature, staying on my head, extends down to the top of my spine. I'll call it, Tomato. Yeah, me and tomato, traversing the creature.

We will go down the darkened corridor. We would know that artificial lights cause such darkness, ironically. But what if they don't want to see us? What if the humans don't accept Tomato? If they don't, we can just @~°•■•¤€&^%÷. But what if they do? Why wouldn't they? Tomato is beautiful. They need to accept Tomato. We will leave this place, and Tomato will become the most beloved being in creation. We'll see a light. Whoever it'll belong to will seem lost, but calm. We will run towards them. We need to. We need to catch them. Show them they don't need their oxygen mask. It'll get them killed in here. They will hear us, and run the other way. That'll be a shame, since they would fall into the floor.

After the person fell, the floor closed. The tunnels arranged for us to leave. We saw the exit, the bone fractures have been cut through- but we see no workers. We stepped into the warm Alaskan air, breathing in the moist air filled with a hint of iron. We need to look for signs of human life, they need to know we didn't die. We find a human car that seemed to have crashed. We open the cars top, searching for some food. Nothing. Only blankets were left behind. It could take days before we see more humans, so we should take what we can get. We devour the cloth, but it isn't enough, so we rip off the roof of the car, tear it into tiny pieces and we will snack on that on our way to human civilization. Humans will have food, they always do. More food- BETTER, food.

We walk through the ash, yet feel no cold. Our digits have stiffened too much, our nerves have died already. I look down at our arm. A ghoulish blue. We've decided it would be too dangerous for us to make a fire, due to the potential shock our body may sustain.

Somethings following us. Maybe someone? No. Not this far from true civilization. Not in these unstable temperatures. Tomatoes frills shake, not from any cold, but from the fear I could sense from him. Whatever was following us, tomato didn't like it. We found another car. Abandoned like the other one. This one actually had food, and gas! The keys still in the ignition, a glove frozen onto it. Starting the car, we turn the A/C on as well, starting off with burning air at first as it cooled. Tomato chirps happily as the coolness covers him like a blanket.

A few hours have passed, tomatoes frills are still shaking from the fear of what is following us. In the mirror, I can see something moving from tree to tree, fast enough to keep up but staying far enough to keep barley out of sight. Whatever it was, it wasn't human. Maybe a wolf? Wolves are fast. If it is a wolf, it must be a lone one. We should keep our eyes on the road though. The snow continues to fall as we pass what looks like destroyed buildings with burn marks. The scattered cars dot the street, some are crashed into a building that was razed to the ground, or seem to have been damaged by fire themselves. The putter of the engine alerts me to the fact that I hadn't stopped to refuel in the last few days. Tomato grunted with disappointed. Stepping out of the freezing car, I'm blasted with a heat hot enough to burn my eyebrows, and a wind strong enough to knock me on my feet. Struggling to reach my feet, the thing that was following us hides behind a shattered wall of brick. Its' dark silhouette and deep eyes stare through me.

Its deep red and bright black scales smoothly coated its rough exterior. A rush of adrenaline flooded our head as Tomato forced us to run from the creature. It barreled after us in a barbarically divine manner, the thuds of its feet making a soft squishing sound as it tried catching us. Tomato urges me to move faster, following his instincts, we swerve left and right at random. We run back into the forest, falling down a hill, getting scrapped by the smooth branches. Vines cover us, tieing us up in a way that's impossible to escape. The creature slowly walks up to us, and puts a claw onto our shoulder. The ground shakes as the vines entered cuts in my body, filling up my veins with their twisting, thorny existence. The pain floods over me as they twist. My head goes numb, everything goes black as I see the creature open its mouth.

. . . .

. . .

. .

We wake back up, surrounded by the stomach churning illumination of the creature's body. The Veins from the wall crawl out of me and back into the wall. Seemingly, the world begins pulsating, the tunnel closing in around us as an overwhelming sense of claustrophobia overtakes our bodies. The only thing stopping it being the odd, rib-like bones that encase this tunnel… no… not Bones… are those.. creatures? From the ribs climbs out numerous entities, their Chitten a milky white as their dozens of eyes peirce into our very being. Their legs chattering as they skitter through the cave. Is this a type of parasite to this creature? Tomato frills freeze, as one of the entities grabs a hold of him, using the ear blistering noise of the others as cover. We fight the things, but they eventually win and pull Tomato off me and. . . What the hell was that thing that was on my back! No. Not just back, my entire body. Roots from the tomato rip out of me as it is torn from me. It got into my head, is that why I saw it as a pet? A shock runs through my body and I get a splitting headache. It feels like my head is trying to explode. Something underneath my skin crawls. It looks like a bump moving around my chest. The calm despair before the creature tried ripping itself out of me, I knew it would happen. I had to kill it before that happened, but how? It was in my chest, and I had no weapon.

As the creature writhed and squirmed inside my chest, a surge of desperation filled my veins. My heart pounded in my ears as I scanned the surroundings, desperately seeking a way to rid myself of the intruder. A glimmer of light reflected off a shard of broken bone lying nearby, catching my attention. I quickly snatched it up, hoping it could serve as some form of makeshift weapon. With trembling hands, I pressed the sharp edge of the bone against my skin, hesitating for a moment before summoning the courage to pierce through. The pain was excruciating, but the sheer will to survive fueled my determination. Blood trickled down my chest as I probed deeper, guided by instinct and a desperate need to eradicate the foreign presence within me.

The creature thrashed wildly in response to my actions, causing waves of agony to ripple through my body. Tears streamed down my face as I fought against the searing pain and the nauseating sensation of something squirming beneath my flesh. With one final surge of strength and a primal scream, I managed to locate the creature and impale it on the makeshift weapon. Relief washed over me as I withdrew the bone, covered in a viscous, black fluid that oozed from the wound. The creature's movements ceased, and the oppressive pressure within my chest subsided. Gasping for breath, I collapsed onto the ground, utterly exhausted but victorious.

Taking a moment to gather my thoughts and regain my composure, I realized I needed medical attention. My body was battered, full of holes, and the wound in my chest would require immediate care. With the last remnants of my strength, I managed to bandage myself as best I could, using torn pieces of my hazmat suit and strips of fabric from clothes underneath.As I lay there, wounded and weakened, the environment around me began to shift once again. The pulsating walls of the creature's body closed in, and the eerie illumination intensified. I knew I had to find a way out, to escape this nightmarish place. Drawing upon the resilience that had carried me thus far, I forced myself to my feet, ignoring the throbbing pain in my chest and the lingering sense of dread.

I continued the venture deeper into the labyrinthine tunnels of the creature. Every step was accompanied by a mixture of fear and curiosity. Terror washed over me at just the thought of what might lay ahead me. The air grew heavier, carrying with it a pungent odor of decay and the faint sound of distant whispers that shook my mind with unknowable knowledge I couldn't understand. Through winding passages and eerie chambers, I pushed forward, driven by the simple desire to not die, and to escape. The walls seemed to close in even further, narrowing the path ahead, making me get onto my hands and knees. My mind became a wandering mess as I tried to block out the haunting echoes and the incomprehensible presence that seemed to lurk just beyond my sight.

. . . . . .

I awoke, clawing my way out of some sort of pod full of a honey-like liquid, its thin outer shell easily collapsed. Once out, the liquid began glowing as it heated up at a rapid pace. It burned my skin, sealing any wound I had shut as my skin boiled under its pressure. I scrambled to get it off of me, but it seemed the more I tried the more it covered me. It continued to get hotter and hotter. I could feel my skin peeling back as my skin cells died. It's heat was unbearable. And then, the heat vanished. Replaced with a chilling cold. This cold was not coming from the liquid. No. The liquid was not cold nor hot. But the world around me. The walls, the ceiling, the floor. They emanated Chill. The normally warm looking reds and oranges of my surroundings were now saturated with cold magenta and purple. My breath was visible, even semi-solid at some points.

I got up, the liquid still covering most of my body. Taking even a single step felt like trying to go against my own body. Steam escaped my once burning body into the unforgiving cold of my surroundings. My hazmat suit was missing. In fact, I just noticed I'm not wearing anything. Not like anyone would see me, but it'd be nice to have some clothes in this temperature. Moving my body makes odd crunching sounds. Looking down, I noticed ice crystals forming on my body, seemingly at war with the liquid for coverage. I really need to find the warmer part of this thing. Or maybe it's in the late stage of decay? How would the decay process affect a creature as large as this? Questions I should ask if I escape.

I ran. Ran as fast as my body allowed. Crunch crunch crunch. That is all I heard for however long I ran. A calm feeling washed over me as I entered an open cavity, the odd glowing plant things covered the ceiling. Small vines crept down from them with a faint dim light coming off various points of the vines. Along the countless walls it looked like bones became tentacles, writhing along to an unheard beat. This place was chaos, yet perfect order. The temperature no longer felt freezing, yet was not as warm as before either. I walked slowly, doing my best to not disrupt whatever these things were doing. The cavity broke off into multiple paths, the walls folding in on itself multiple times causing a single room to become almost more, yet still only one. A large insectoid creature was crawling along the plants. It was seemingly tending to them. It had 6 legs, and 4 manipulators, its body was separated into 2, what looked like a head, and a larger body. It had a straw-like thing where a mouth would be. Its countless eyes were always focused on the plants. Despite the non-threatening feeling I get while looking at it, something in the back of my mind told me I shouldn't get it's attention.

While trying to get past it, my eyes adjusted to the dim light that reached the floor. All over, I noticed odd oval shapes, connected by some kind of vein system. The Veins were pulsating, and the objects rocked back and forth in a rhythm with the pulsing. One of the objects begins moving more rapidly, a crack forming on it as something small crawls out of it. It looked like a smaller version of the creature above. The small one looks up at its mother, and wails hungrily. I froze, not of fear since I couldn't feel that while here. But I froze. An instinct beyond fear? No matter why, but I couldn't move. The large creature comes down towards the small one. It lowered its straw mouth down to feed the small one, and inserted it into its abdomen. The small ones body pruned as it shrunk, a sad and fearful shriek echoed from the small one.

The large creature ascended back onto the ceiling, the corpse of the small one slowly turned to ash in front of my eyes. Trying to continue forward seemed to have just become impossible, with that creature above. What if it notices me? Would it eat me too? Looking back at the area I came from, I saw nothing but a wall and all the bone things wiggling on it. Crap. Turning back to the cavity, I try to figure out how to go forward without making any noise, and without being seen. Tip toeing, I have to keep track of the creature while not disturbing the eggs. 1 step. 2 step. 3 step. 4. One foot in front of the o- *SNAP*.

my foot was now surrounded by the yolk of the egg. The corpse of the unfinished small one being impaled by my leg. Terror engulfs me as I turn around to see the creature on the ceiling running in my direction. I had to hide. Looking around there wasn't anything but the writhing bones. God I hope they're weak.

I run towards the wall, and squeeze in-between the uneven bones. It gets tighter, my own bones begin to collapse in on themselves, the pain indescribable until I fall.

No. Not falling. I'm floating. Gravity feels nonexistent, as well does air resistance seem to not exist. I opened my eyes that I didn't even realize I had closed. I saw in front of me… me. An infinitely larger version of myself. Behind me, I saw stars. Galaxies even far, far away. My body begins shutting down. I fell to a molten planet, into its core. The Planetary body surrounds me. Only my pinky finger being the only thing not surrounded. I can't breathe. My subconscious falling into oblivion. My heart slows, my finger grows cold. I can't move. My head spins as unspeakable shapes and unknowable colors flash in my mind. My head hurts. I just…. I just need to go to sleep for a bit…. I'll wake up eventually. . . .

#writing #short story #story #eldritch

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sweetestlamb · 3 years ago

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Flashlight

Author's note: Wasn't episode 8 just lovely? I just couldn't get this out of my head, they're becoming so dependent on each other. Be still my beating heart. They're reminding me of my MoonMun couple so much and I think that explains my obsession and the amount of fics I've written thus far lol.

Summary: Just for tonight he'll be selfish.

"Are you okay now? Is there someone there?" He moves towards the dark alley that she came bolting from looking as frightened as he's ever seen her. He feels his muscles coil ready to protect her by any means possible. But before he can move she's tightening her hold on him, clinging to him now he can feel her warmth all around him like a blanket.

"No! Don't leave me." Hearing that scared plea causes a blurry memory to resurface in his mind, he can almost feel the words swimming in his mind but the memory is foggy and it evaporates as quickly as it formed.

Strange.

"Okay, okay. I'm not going anywhere. Let's go inside." He starts to maneuver her toward her house at first she moves with him but then she stills, letting out a small sound of recollection.

"My phone." She whispers into his chest, they are pressed so closely he can feel her heartbeat still pounding through her chest into his. He strokes her back in a lazy soothing manner, shocked when she melts into his embrace further. Nothing is making sense at this moment but he doesn't care enough to stop, this.

"What about your phone?" He redirects the conversation and she continues, "I dropped it in there when I ran away."

"Okay. I'll go get it, wait here." He starts to gently untangle her hands from his flannel but she lets out a whine, gripping his shirt even stronger and moving with him.

"I'll---let's go together."

She's trembling now, positively shaking in her spot and he wants to argue with her to just go inside and wait for him but her earlier plea echoes in his ears. He can't leave her alone not right now, so he steps forward feeling her move with him, one step after another until he sees the rectangular object on the ground.

"I'm going to bend down to get it." He can feel her shifting beside him looking around wildly but thankfully no ominous figure appears, they are alone.

After a moment she nods, letting go enough for him to bend and retrieve the device and he checks the screen noting happily that it's not damaged but when he touches the screen it doesn't turn on so he tries again.

"It's dead. I forgot to charge it." She admits, taking the phone from his grasp.

He turns to her with a sharp stare, "You stayed out late after what happened and didn't charge your phone? Are you that fearless?" He chides, frustrated with her lack of awareness and disregard for her safety. If anything ever happened to her he would.... He would.......

"It wasn't on purpose. I didn't realize. I know it was irresponsible."

It's not a response he's expecting, the Hye Jin he knows would argue back, hardly taking shit from him ergo her meek uncharacteristic reply makes him feel worst, he shouldn't be blaming her especially after seeing first-hand how scared she is.

"Let's go inside now, it's cold and you're shaking." They both know the temperature has very little to do with her tremors but she doesn't disagree and carelessly he enters the code when they reach the door, ignoring the jolt in his chest that erupts as he enters his own birthday and the door clicks open. He thought she would have changed it by now.

He's grateful she hasn't.

They both take off their shoes, standing side by side now her arm around his waist and his around her shoulder. It's a small space and they can barely move but they work around it, reluctant to release each other.

"Thank you." Her voice is barely above a whisper, he thinks that he almost imagined it. He had an excuse prepared this time, he was merely patrolling and happened to pass her house. That was the lie he intended to go with, but something in her voice stops him from saying those deceitful words. He's tired of hiding and making up excuses for being around her.

"You're welcome. Here sit down, I'll make you some tea." Thoughtlessly he moves towards the kitchen, taking two steps until he can't move anymore. She's holding onto him tightly, he turns around looking at her small closed fists and then her trembling pretty face.

With a soft sigh, he takes her hand rubbing a thumb across the smooth skin.

"Just come with me." Immediately she steps forward pressing into his back, he tries to calm his heart taking the teapot and filling it with water, then he opens the cabinet retrieving a mug and setting it aside.

"I like honey. And a squeeze of lemon." He smiles at her soft demands.

Now that sounds more like his dentist. The bottle of honey is in her top cabinet and he grabs a fresh lemon from the fridge cutting it in half.

They stand silently as the water boils and he finally feels his anger boiling away as well. Angry that he was almost too late and that his town isn't safe anymore, angry that someone was able to shake this immoveable woman.

The shrill ringing of the teapot breaks him from his impasse, on autopilot he pours the water on the tea bag, then squeezes the honey in the steaming water, "I like a lot of honey." She's attached to his back her voice vibrating straight through him, he freezes when she wraps her arms around his waist. Her closeness is messing with his mind, but he tries to finish his job and get them on the couch maybe with some distance between them.

For his sanity.

"Let's go sit down." He grabs both mugs walking over to her couch, placing her cup on the far right and taking a seat on the far left putting a sea of distance between them. But immediately she sits down right next to him, leaving no space between them she might as well be in his lap. He squirms in place, standing up to get some reprieve but she grabs his hand staring up at him.

"Where are you going?" Fear bleeds into her voice and he lets go of his hesitations, tonight is not about him.

Leaning over he grabs her cup, tugging it closer.

"Nowhere, I'm not going anywhere. Drink your tea."

She blinks slowly at him before nodding and bringing the warm beverage to her lips. Her hum of satisfaction warms him all the way down to his toes.

"It's good. You really are good at everything." He preens at the compliment, thinking of all the times this week he wasn't needed or was cast aside for Director Ji. He's been swallowing his jealousy all week. So her words fill a hollow space in his chest.

He watches her drink the entire cup, ignoring his own growing cold on the table.

"I need to charge my phone." She suddenly says and he stares before nodding, taking the opportunity to drink his lukewarm tea. But then he notices that she's not moving despite having the phone and charging in her hand.

"What's wrong?" He raises an eyebrow in confusion.

She looks embarrassed now, unable to meet his eyes and he's flabbergasted at her reaction.

"Come with me?" He stares at her, feeling the same pride bloom as when she sat next to him instead of her sunbae, she's leaning on him.

He spots an outlet across the room, "Okay let's go there." She looks relieved at his lack of teasing, together they walk over to the outlet and she bends to plug in the charger and puts the phone on the ground.

In seconds the phone comes to life and he feels a sharp pain in his chest as a barrage of messages light up her phone, the majority from one person. When she clicks to open the message he instinctively looks away, not wanting to witness their conversation.

"He messaged so much." Her voice is filled with awe and childishly he moves away. He'd almost forgotten that she didn't actually need him. He was just conveniently there.

"I should go now. You're safe. Make sure to come home earlier from now on, maybe ask him to walk you home." It hurts to utter those words but it's easier than being replaced later, it's okay if he's the one that pushes her away first. "I'll see myself out."

He stands ready to leave, pointedly not looking back before he changes his mind and stays forever.

She was just scared, tonight didn't mean anything.

He grabs his fallen bagpack thrusting it on his shoulder, hopping into his boots all ready to head out. But it's unusually quiet, the silence is so deafening that he can't stop himself from looking back over at her. It's a mistake, a huge one at that. The phone has fallen from her hands, abandoned to the side and she's looking at him with the most desolate stare he's ever seen, moisture pooling in her huge round eyes.

"What's wrong? Why are you cry--"

"You said you wouldn't leave me. Why are you changing your mind? What if someone is still there? What am I supposed to do without yo--u?" Her voice cracks on the last word and his heart follows, she needs him. Nobody else has this week but here she is breaking down because he tried to leave, she needs him.

His decision is made for him in that moment.

As soon as he's close enough to touch she's clinging to him once again, he only absently realizes that she's trying to lead them to her bedroom but even he's not saintly enough for that so he stops her.

"Let's go to the couch. You'll feel more comfortable."

She doesn't question him seemingly happy to follow his lead.

The couch is comfy but definitely not intended for two grown adults, leaning over the arm rest he tries to get situated and once he stops moving she's snuggling into his side curling around him like a cat.

"Whenever I was scared, my mom used to stroke my hair."

He stares at the wall in front of them, wondering if she's aware of just how many lines they're crossing tonight- no catapulting over. But he's tired of second guessing himself so he stops thinking and just listens, bringing the hand that is curled on her shoulder up to her head before dragging his palm down her soft hair, gulping when she moans at the ministrations.

Her breathing starts to deepen and he feels her body losing its tension, she's falling asleep and once she succumbs he can finally make his escape, that's his plan. But he doesn't expect her to start stroking him too, her hand delicate on his chest.

"You've worked hard. Stopping a scammer and saving me all while recovering from a cold."

It's nothing. It's what he's supposed to do.

But it feels so good to hear those words, words that he hardly heard growing up.

"Go to sleep." He says instead of thank you, instead of kissing her like he's wanted to since he saw her outside and she ran straight into his heart.

It's a miracle but she listens to him, drifting to sleep her head heavy on his chest and he knows that he should wait a few minutes and try to extract himself but he can't, not tonight. Just for tonight he'll be selfish.

"You're making me want all sorts of things." He whispers to her sleeping face, terrified of her and all that she makes him feel. Feeling emboldened by their almost kiss initiated by her, he pushes her hair behind her ear taking a second to really looking at her face. She really is that beautiful. It doesn't seem fair. Leaning down he presses a soft kiss to her forehead, her skin is sleep warm and perfectly smooth. He presses a second one shamelessly. Her lips are right there and heavens knows that he's tempted but he can't take advantage, can't bring himself to do anything else. That's enough.

He doesn't know when he fell asleep but he wakes up to Mi-seon throwing a blanket over them, he keeps his eyes tightly shut mentally berating himself for that leaving when he had a chance.

"Just friends my ass. Just admit that you like him, look at the way you're clinging to him."

Somehow they traversed further down the couch in their sleep, both laying horizontal now with her body on top on his and her head tucked under his chin.

"I've never seen her sleep so peacefully though. She looks so young."

He tries not to think too deeply into what that might mean, listening to the retreating footsteps of her roommate and feeling himself losing the battle with sleep. She'll probably be embarrassed to find them this way tomorrow but that's a hurdle for another day.

Just for tonight I'll hold her. Until I'm not allowed to hold her anymore.

#hometown cha cha cha #another episode coda #hong du shik #yoon hye jin #they are taking over all my brain activity #another fluffy drabble #this episode broke me

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samuel-de-champagne-problems · 4 years ago

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It's Delicate: Part II

Summary: Spencer Reid finds himself at a gas station at 2:00 am, thinking he’s only leaving with a cup of crappy coffee. But something taped to the door catches his eye. Spencer leaves the gas station with more than he intended: the chance at a friend, and maybe something more along the way.

Word Count: 3.6 k

Author’s Note: Here's the second part in It's Delicate, my first chapter fic. I've planned out kind of where I see this eventually going! Thank you to anyone who reads, likes, comments, and reblogs. It really means the world to me.

Content Warnings: Expletive language (3 uses), mentions of drug use, sexual innuendo

READ PART I

It's Delicate Masterlist

It's Delicate

Sitting on the plane, Spencer looks out from the little window. For hours, there’s been nothing but corn fields and clouds. It’s eerily peaceful, being there high above the clouds. His whole life Spencer has felt this distance between him and everyone else, but nothing makes that feeling more prominent than being strapped in a glorified metal box 35,000 feet off the Earth’s surface. But the thing is, Spencer does need to be flying above the trees to feel lonely. He can do that with two feet on the ground.

Luke sits across Spencer, the table between them and a deck of playing cards are spread out across its surface. He has to nudge Spencer’s leg from under the table, trying to bring him back to reality as he stares out the window.

“Whatcha thinking,�� Luke asks, Spencer has been noticing more and more that Luke is one of the few people that actually listens to him.

Spencer, whose mind is racing too fast to even formulate an articulate thought, attempts to dodge Luke’s question with a noncommittal shrug.

“Reid, these cases are hard for all of us, you gotta know that man,” Luke says, laying down a four of a kind.

Spencer narrows his eyes, shocked that it hasn’t clicked yet for the rest of the team. He cracks his neck, preparing to answer Luke.

“We almost locked up an innocent man, Alvez. I almost sent another man to the same fate as myself. What kind of fucked up message is that?” Spencer says, throwing down the cards on the table. He doesn’t wait for Luke to respond.

“I fold,”

Spencer walks off into the small kitchenette to make a cup of coffee. He doesn’t want to think about his increased reliance on coffee, because he knows it’s a hot cup of coffee or a cold needle of Dilaudid in his veins. Spencer checks his watch, it’s 10:17 pm, maybe too late to find a meeting at a church or rec center somewhere.

He sneaks a peak at his phone, which was still unfortunately on Airplane Mode, he hasn’t even gotten a chance to see if Y/N has responded. He doesn’t know much about her, just as much as she knows about him.

It’s a brave new world for Spencer and he’s knee deep into the unknown.

Spencer can feel Luke’s eyes on him. He just knows that the minute he gets home, a certain tech expert will be ringing him. He knows that it’s Luke’s way of caring, but for someone who’s been alone for so long, having people that actually care is almost drowning.

Walking back to his seat, Spencer hands Luke a coffee. He smiles slightly; it’s the awkward smile that he used to make when intimating police chiefs and idiot cops would look him up and down like he’s a TA. It’s a peace offering for Luke, who despite his tough looking exterior, is one of the kindest people Spencer knows.

“Look, Reid. I’m sorry that we didn’t put it together. It’s just that man that we caught, he’s not like you. He’s not innocent of crimes, he’s just innocent of this crime,” Luke says in an attempt to make Spencer feel a little bit better.

“The thing is Luke, I’m exactly like that man,”

Spencer returns to staring out the window. The cards and the coffee on the table are long ignored for the silence that is found when you’re high above the clouds.

Spencer hears Tara and Emily murmur quietly about going out for a round of drinks. Luke accepts, while JJ and Matt decline, eager to get home to their families. Emily looks over at Spencer, her eyes silently scanning him, his body language. Spencer knows that there’s nothing he can hide from Emily, so there’s no use in trying to pretend he’s alright when she can take one look at him and know that nothing is right.

“You guys have fun, I’m going to head home and get some sleep. I plan on visiting my mom tomorrow and mornings are usually better for her,” Spencer says, slinging his go bag around his shoulders and making the trek back to the security to check out.

He walks slowly, enjoying the sound of the crickets chirping as he trudges along. Spencer tries not to think about the man, Richard, who was almost locked up for a crime that he didn’t commit. Spencer is pretty sure that being the person to throw an innocent man in jail is worse than being the innocent man in jail.

Spencer’s phone buzzes loudly, disturbing the silence of his walk. He looks at the phone to see a couple of messages from Y/N. Spencer slides open the lock to his phone and hits the button to read her messages.

Y/N: Spencer...that has a nice ring to it. So tell me a little bit about yourself. Your big three, but as books. Go! 🌞🌙⬆️

Furrowing his brow, Spencer reads the message over again. He does not have a clue what “big three” means, but it seems like some sort of pop culture thing that he’s not skilled in. He wants to text Garcia for a translation, but he’s also not too keen on telling her how he came across Y/N’s number.

Y/N: I assume you’re working, but I'm kind of impatient so I’ll give you mine 🙃 I’m a Little Women sun, an Emma moon, and an In Cold Blood rising.

Y/N: Oh no….I hope my astrology didn’t turn you off

Y/N: Not that I was trying to turn you on

Y/N: omg Y/N please shut the fuck up

Astrology? Spencer isn’t one to judge, but he’s a scientist first and foremost. The idea that there is something written about him in the stars seems like ludicrous. He decided to ignore the other messages, particularly the ones with a little more than slight innuendo.

Spencer: Y/N- I’m sorry I just got out of work. As for my big three, I’m not sure about astrology. I don’t particularly believe in pseudoscience. But those are good choices. In Cold Blood is an excellent choice. Capote spent years researching the case. In fact his prose and technique inspired the entire “Nonfiction novel” genre. The world of journalism and true crime would not be where it is without Capote’s work.

Y/N: Oh my god. You are a total nerd. 🙀

That stops Spencer right in his tracks. He’s only a couple of yards away from the Volvo at this point, but somehow it feels a million miles away. You are a total nerd. The words replay in his mind as the small gray bubbles pop up again. Spencer can feel his heart constrict at Y/N’s words. It’s ridiculous, he’s nearly 34 and is getting upset that a stranger called him a nerd. Spencer unlocks his car and tosses his go bag, phone included onto the passenger seat.

After a couple of minutes his phone buzzes again. He’s half tempted to answer it, but the way his heart seems to beat faster tells him to ignore it.

Y/N: I fucking love it and I think you’ll love this too

Spencer’s entire demeanor changes as he reads the message. He’s always had difficulties reading emotion in writing, especially when he can’t analyze the handwriting. Sometimes, it’s even harder to judge inflection during conversations. Maybe that is why Spencer has spent all this time studying people, studying the way that their minds work. Before he can get too lost in his thoughts, another message pops up.

Y/N: Meet Capote and Second Cat

Y/N: They are the loves of my life

Spencer: They are very...distinguished looking. Capote is an excellent name choice then. Second Cat is also quite catchy.

Spencer hesitates before sending the message, he notices that Y/N uses what Garcia calls “emojis” quite frequently. He assumes that it’s some sort of “texting lingo” that expresses emotion in small graphics. Great, he thinks. He already has a difficult time deciphering Y/N’s cryptic wording and now he’s got to analyze these emojis.

Maybe he should profile her. He re-reads the message and settles on a “😄” because he figures that he can’t go wrong with offering Y/N a smile.

Spencer: I don’t have a cat, but when I was a kid I always wanted one, they’re quite good companions for those that live several different kinds of lifestyles. From active to sedentary, they are adaptable and independent. Honestly they are the perfect pet.

Y/N: Is this your way of telling you’re a crazy cat man? 😜 🙀

Spencer, still sitting in his car that’s parked in the parking lot, chuckles at Y/N’s response to his message. Maybe it’s just easier to ignore his rambling when it’s done through 1s and 0s and there isn’t a face to the words.

Spencer: I’m actually more of a fish guy

Y/N: Like a “I-like-to-go-fishing-and-post-picture-of-myself-kissing-my-catch-on-Tinder” kind of fish guy or...I can’t think of any other kind of fish men

Spencer, not totally understanding the obvious joke that Y/N is trying to make, settles on something that he hasn’t really ever tried: being himself.

Spencer: Not quite sure what a Tinder is, but I think fishing is terrifying and kissing a fish is something out of nightmares. But his name is Leo

Y/N: DiCaprio?

Spencer: Uhh, Tolstoy

Y/N: Good😉 ⚔️🕊️ 🇷🇺

Spencer glances at his clock on the control panel, it tells him that he’s been messaging with Y/N back and forth for nearly 22 minutes. He nearly forgot how tired he was.

Spencer: Y/N- I’m so sorry but, I just got to my car to drive home from work. I’ll text you tomorrow morning about the book club, maybe we can figure out some things.

Y/N: OMG Spencer!! you should have told me. I’ve been talking ur ear off. sleep well and yes please tomorrow we can talk about the book club

Y/N: Good night, Book Buddy 😴

Spencer wants to respond to Y/N, but he doesn’t know what to say. She seems to text so easily, and judging by that, she must be around Spencer’s age or a little bit younger. Besides JJ and Penelope, Spencer has never had a friend close to his age. It’s a strange new territory for him and he’s walking in head first into No Man’s Land.

He starts his Volvo, the check engine still lights but, reminding him once again to go get it fixed. Driving away from the parking lot, Spencer hands over his ID to Gina, the security guard. She checks his ID and gives him a tired smile. Spencer, as he drives home to his apartment, thinking about what books he and Y/N will read together. He wonders what kind of books are her favorite, if they have any authors that they can obsess over together, or if what she thinks a poet’s prose is.

The summer air rushing in through the window is nowhere as warm and as comforting as thought of Spencer finally having a friend that isn’t able to read the scars of his past in the text bubbles that pop up on her screen.

When Spencer opens his eyes for the first time that morning, he isn’t sure where he is. Sometimes, before he can stop his thoughts from travelling there, Spencer thinks he’s still in jail. He hates the feeling of terror that rushes over him but he hates the idea of being vulnerable a little bit more. But the softness of his pillows and the coolness of his cotton sheets remind him that he’s not sleeping on a hard cot with only a layer of fabric over his body. The light streams in through the half closed blinds, and Spencer judges by how brightly the sun shines in, it must be around 9:45 am.

He supposes that he prefers the way the sun’s rays paint horizontal bars across his face more than the vertical bars that cast gray shadows over his cell at Milburn Penitentiary.

It’s a day off from work, so Spencer didn’t set an alarm, instead allowing his mind and his body to catch up on some much needed rest. The nightmares have been getting better, but his dreams are still haunted by the way that he hardly recognizes himself anymore. Deciding that it will be a day spent in pajamas, Spencer goes to his bookshelf in his bedroom to pick out a couple of novels to read while he drinks his morning coffee and defrosts some of Luke’s strawberry pastries.

Before heading out of his room, Spencer stops himself in the doorway. He replays the events of last night. He declined to go out with the rest of the team, while he walked to his car he thought about the crickets telling the temperature, and he read over Y/N’s messages.

Y/N.

He promised he’d text her back in the morning about their book club. Last night, she didn’t seem to mind Spencer’s long messages and awkward phrasing. He still doesn’t really know how this Book Buddy thing would work, but since he found Y/N’s number on the flyer, he can only assume that she knows what to do. He leaps on his bed, landing with thud on his belly, to grab his phone that charges on his nightstand.

Spencer settles at his kitchen table, a cup of steaming hot Dark Roast coffee in a Captain Spock mug in one hand and, surprisingly, his phone in the other. He scrolls through the messages from last night, Y/N’s cat and emojis tempt a smile to Spencer’s face.

Not entirely sure how to start the conversation again, Spencer looks around for inspiration until his eyes land on a certain fish tank in the corner of his apartment. He snaps a quick picture of Leo and attaches it to the message.

Spencer: Good Morning from Leo & Spencer

Spencer sets down his phone after a moment when he realizes that Y/N is probably not going to answer him back in a couple of seconds. He takes out a strawberry pastry from his freezer and puts it into the toaster oven on a non-stick baking sheet. His thumbs run across the texture of the book he started on the plane ride after his and Luke’s ill fated poker game. It's a thin book of collected essays on the meaning of life. Camus, to Spencer, is a little pessimistic with his droning on about the meaninglessness of life. Though Spence has seen the absolute worst that humanity has to offer, he still has to believe that there’s a deeper meaning behind it all.

His toaster oven rings, altering him so that his toasted strawberry pastry is cooked. He plates his breakfast and pours himself another cup of coffee- he’ll need it to get through Camus’s section on Absurdism this early in the morning. But the flash of Spencer’s phone screen sends him reaching for his phone. Y/N replied to his message.

Y/N: hi leo!!!

Y/N: and you too Spencer :) Did you get a good night’s sleep. You got back late it seems.

Spencer, taking a bite of the strawberry pastry, ignores the burning sensation in his mouth. He types out a response to Y/N as he washes down the bite with a swing of coffee.

Spencer: I did, thank you. Can you tell me a little bit more about this book buddy thing. From what I gathered from the flyer it’s like a little book club of our own and we meet at the bookstore?

It doesn’t take long for Y/N to respond. The little gray dots pop up almost immediately after Spencer’s message is delivered.

Y/N: That’s about right! Is it okay if I call you? Kinda easier to talk that way 🤷‍♀️

Spencer reads over the message a couple of times. He doesn’t really like to talk on the phone and only does it out of necessity. He’s pretty sure that his voice is grating and his vocal fry is quite irritating. Yet, he finds himself replying “yes” to Y/N. Soon enough, his phone buzzes in his hand and Spencer has to remind himself how to pick up a call.

“Spencer? Um, this is Spencer Reid, right?” the voice says. It’s a woman’s voice and he can only assume that it’s Y/N, considering it is her phone number calling him.

“Y/N, uh hi. This is Dr. Spencer- I mean this is Spencer,” he says, nearly forgetting that Y/N doesn’t know him as Dr. Reid, but as just Spencer. It’s been a long time since someone has known him as Spencer.

“Oh great! It’s wonderful to finally have a voice to your name. So about these buddy reads. You seem to have a good grasp of what they are,” Y/N’s voice trails off a little bit at the end and Spencer finds it natural to fill in the silence.

“Yes, the flyer was quite informative. But I was wondering, do we read the same books or do we read different books?” Spencer asks, trying to restrain himself from scaring Y/N off. But something about her made him think that she didn’t scare easily.

Y/N chuckles lightly in the speaker of her phone, “that’s a good question, uh, I was actually going to ask you what you would rather. We can read the same books, or if it’s okay with you we can choose what the other would read for that week,”

“Oh really?” Spencer says, very much aware how his voice rises a couple of octaves. He can’t trust himself to hold back on rambling over the phone Y/N, so he resorts to using his strained, brittle voice that’s full of hesitation and restraint.

“That’s the plan, so whatcha thinking, Spencer,” Y/N says playfully, like she can sense that phone conversations maybe not make him feel at ease. There’s something so natural and silvery about her voice; it reminds Spencer of an audiobook reader. While he’s not too keen on audiobooks, he’s sure that he’d listen to anything she reads or has to say.

“Um, I think it sounds interesting to pick out books for each other. I tend to gravitate towards more technical books or even books that aren’t in English so, uh, I think it would be interesting to get out of my comfort zone,” Spencer says, cringing internally at using the word “interesting” twice in a couple of sentences.

“Well, as long as you don’t pick out something in physics or anything by Ayn Rand then I’d say we’re good,” Y/N says. Spencer thinks it’s a joke, but he’s not too sure how to respond.

“Will you still be my Book Buddy if I read 1 out of 2 of those?” Spencer asks, hoping she’d get that he is trying to continue the joke.

“Oh no Spencer please don’t tell me you’re an Ayn Rand fanboy,” she says, and by the airy way she laughs, Spencer ventures to guess his joke landed successfully.

“So,” Spencer starts, he never has made plans with people outside of his team, and on top of that, there’s something about Y/N’s quickness that makes him a little nervous to meet her.

“I’m talking your ear off, aren’t I? Please Spencer, if you’re going to be my Book Buddy, you’re going to have to get used to me talking a lot, especially you pick out good books, which, I already have a feeling you’re going to be favorite Book Buddy,”

For once in his life, Spencer doesn’t really know how to respond. He lets out something in between a strangled laughter and a noncommittal chuckle.

“So,” Y/N says, mirroring Spencer’s earlier words, “so are you free tonight, I can meet you at the bookstore..”

Y/N’s voice trails off and Spencer leaps to finish her sentences. It doesn’t feel like his interjecting or interrupting, but like he’s snapping a puzzle piece together.

“Does 7 work?” “7 is great, Spencer. It’s a date,”

Those three little words send Spencer’s eyes flying wide open. He scrambles to come up with answer to louden the silence that falls, but he swears he can hear a string of quiet curses before Y/N manages to squeak out a small “goodbye,”

Y/N’s last words play back in Spencer’s ears. He scolds himself for being so weird and awkward that the very idea of going on a date with him would send Y/N in a tizzy. It’s not a date, because Spencer can’t think about it being a date. It’s not a date because of the looming photo above his mantle that freezes his future in the past. It’s not a date because of the nightmare of vertical bars that haunt his dreams

It’s not a date. It’s so not a date because Spencer would call Luke to come over to help him if it was.

“Hey Luke,” Spencer says, trying to control the nervous waves in his voice, “no man, I’m fine, it’s uh, easier if you just come over. I’m fine, really,”

Y/N: I really hope you're not an Ayn Rand fanboy 😉

It’s so not a date.

--THANK YOU FOR READING--

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straykidsworldwild · 4 years ago

Text

Duskwood

Phil Hawkins x MC

Part 1 : MC is having a horrible, horrible day and she goes to the Aurora to have a drink.

(⚠️Sad. Some swearing ⚠️)

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Heyy guys!! Here's a little Phil Hawkins one shot part 1 because there's not enough Duskwood imagines 🙈

(pictures aren't mines but I made the collage and the character aren't mines. All rights go to Duskwood creators and owners of the pics.)

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My day was total crap... I don't believe I've had such a horrible day before. Or at least, not for a long time... It feels like everything is falling apart little by little. Like nothing is meant to go normally. I woke up like any other day, and yet, it feels like I woke up in a chaotic world where everything is meant to go wrong... Since that call, everything is going downhill...

The night has fallen which means I have officially done my day. It felt like forever... Like I am in an endless loop... And since I was meant to do the closing, my day felt even longer than usual. I just finished cleaning the little restaurant I worked at and closed it. It's not a job I would want to do my whole life, even though it is nice to work in a restaurant, but I need money to pay for my college study. My mom is helping pay for them, but I'm trying to pay as much as I can on my own. Anyway... I am walking in the streets of Duskwood which are beamed by the streetlights. It is surprisingly emptier than usual. I guess it's due to the rain... Like my day wasn't cloudy enough already... I think I need a break... Yeah... I need a drink...

I walk toward a familiar building, some greenish-blueish light lightening the area. Aurora... The famous bar of Duskwood owned by my best friend's brother. I've rarely been there alone... Usually I go with the rest of the group. But I really need... Ugh... Maybe I should just go home? Isn't it too late to go there anyway? Ugh... I'm asking myself too many questions. I guess a drink really won't hurt. I reach the door before falling face to face with a sign. CLOSED. Great... I sigh disappointed as I am standing under the rain. Oh... But he is still here. Through the window, I can see a familiar figure cleaning the place. Oh well, I'm neither here nor there... I lift my hand and knock on the door of the bar. The man turned around as I got his attention. I cross my arms over my chest and notice that the rain has already soaked my hair and my vest. I must look awful... The man comes up to the door and opens it for me.

- Gorgeous! Come in before you catch a cold, tells me, the man, using that nickname he always does. I don't know why he does it... I never heard him calling other girls like this. Well, he does use pet names but not this specific one. I step in the bar and he closes the door behind me. You know I love you very much but I'm about to close so... He begins to tell me with his famous smirk despite the little fatigue I can see on his face. His hair is held up in a bun as he usually does when he works. He is wearing a white shirt, letting his huge tattoo on his neck appear, and a black trousers. By the sight of his eyes, I can tell he had a long day too...

- I just need one drink, Phil, I simply answer to my friend. My voice sounded so... Tired and flat. Phil looks at me with a slight surprise, losing slowly his smile. I guess the sound of my voice surprised him. Please... I plead to him with the same tone.

- I would never say "no" to my favorite customer, would I? He answers with a smirk. I faintly smile back at him, happy that finally something goes well. For now... He could have said "no". The two of us walk over to the bar and I sit on a stool while he goes behind the counter. We're alone in the bar since he was about to close so it's pretty quiet. The usual I guess, he tells me with his deep and calm voice.

- Actually... Whiskey. Pure, I reply, stopping him in his momentum. Phil looks back at me for a second, processing my words.

- Wow, I knew you had that wild part in you, Gorgeous, but I didn't think I would ever see it, he tells me with a surprised tone again. Yet, he doesn't seem to dislike it. Phil gets two glasses and he pours a little bit of the beverage in the glasses.

- A little more, please... I tell him with the same flat and tired voice. I stop myself from letting a long sigh out. Again, I feel his eyes burning me before he pours a little more alcohol. Thanks, I thank him.

- On the house, he tells me, leaning against the counter as he raises his glass. I was about to retort but he gave me a look, telling me he won't change his mind.

- Double thanks, I thank him again, clinking my glass with him before taking a sip. Argh... That tastes awful! I can feel the liquid burning my throat.

- So... I know I act like I am very happy to see you, which is the case, don't get me wrong, Gorgeous, he begins to tell me before rapidly correcting himself. But I also see that you're not fine, MC, Oh... I look down as I take a deep breath in. It must not be very hard to see I had a bad day then... Usually I can hide it pretty well... But right now. It's too deep, too much. I'm not even sure "bad" is a strong enough word to describe how crappy my day was. What's wrong? He asks me, sounding calm, gentle and interested, yet, with a point of concern.

- I'm okay, Phil, I softly respond to my friend while slowly shaking my head negatively.

- Mmh... This "I'm okay" sounded more like a "I'm-not-okay-but-I-am-putting-a-brave-face-on". Like a hidden call for help, he tells me gently, yet, seriously. His deep voice is just so... Irresistible, and always so calm. Who could resist it? Well... I guess at this moment I can. My mind is too bothered and busy right now. I crack a very faint smile before looking down at my glass again. I take a sip of it and lightly grimace to the taste of the drink. Who hurt you? He asks me seriously as he takes a cigarette and the lighter. Who… Why someone and not something?

- It's not about me, I respond in a whisper, lying to him. I hate talking about myself when I'm down. I don't want to bother people with my problems... I don't want to be the one to bring negative vibes. Oh no... I turn lightly my head to the side as I feel the tears coming up. I need a break... I need to break.

- Lie, he simply says. I don't look at him and I don't contradict him either. What happened? He asks again with seriousness, not letting this subject aside. I don't answer again. I can feel a lump in my throat. The tears are thick in my eyes and threatening to fall at any time now. MC, talk to me. I'm not here to judge you or... I hide my face even more as I can't stop myself from grimacing sadly. I can't take it... I let a sob out accidentally as if my body is talking for myself. I want to scream. But I can't... MC... He calls me with concern. Phil puts down his cigarette and walks around the counter to join my sides. I don't move and keep my back to him. I hate when people see me crying... Phil puts his hand on my shoulder so I could face him but I push it away, not too harshly, but not too gently either. I let another sob out as I closed my eyes. The tears are so thick and warm... There's so much emotion in them. They roll down my cheeks regularly, evacuating my pain. Without saying a word, I feel a pair of arms holding me. A chest lays against my back. My hair was all wet... His shirt must be wet too by now. It's okay, MC, I hear him whispering. I should push him away. I know how Phil is with girls... Isn't it too easy to cry in front of him and him then being too nice? I know he is my friend and my best friend's brother, but... God, I'm lost. Usually I go to Jessy or I call her. But I came here... Why? Ugh...

- I'm sorry... I whisper shakily through my sobs. I came for a drink and I ended up breaking in front of him...

- No, it's okay. Get it out, he says with a comforting and calm tone. It actually sounds weird coming from him... I know Phil for a few years and he was never like this. I mean, he is always calm but caring like this? That's rare... More than rare. Long minutes later, I slowly calm down. I am still breathing lightly shakily but I'm not sobbing anymore. Only a few tears here and there stream down my eyes. I take a deep breath in and out before wiping my cheeks. I don't remember when was the last time I cried this much... It hurts. It hurts so much. I accumulated too much. I didn't break when mom told me about my uncle's death… I guess I didn't realize what was real and happening at the moment… Or I didn't want to believe it… That built up on my nerves and… This is the result. Slowly, I pull myself away from Phil who didn't let go of me one second. I turn around to face him, but avoid his eyes. Like I thought, the top of his shirt is all wet, letting his tattoos appear a little more on his chest. I'm still confused about what just happened... That's not me to cry in front of people like this... And that's definitely not the Phil I know. Tell me what's wrong, Gorgeous, he says seriously, still wanting to know what got me in such a state. He never gives up...

- Everything, I answer back, my voice lightly breaking. I wipe my cheeks again as I clear my throat. To begin with, when I woke up this morning, I learned that my uncle had passed away during the night. He drove a truck from a country to another and... I explain to him, confessing the terrible news that started this awful day of mine. However, I couldn't bring myself to finish my sentence. I bring my hand over my heart and press on it as if it would take the pain away. Since the call... Just saying those words hurts just as much as saying them in my head. If not more...

- I'm sorry to hear that, he apologizes sincerely.

- Me too... Thanks... But that's not it, I thank him with a sad tone before lightly sniffling. After receiving my mom's call to tell me this awful news, I went to work today because I couldn't stay home. I needed to get my mind busy and to... Not think about the incident, I confess as I feel a new tear rolling down my cheek. My uncle and I were close, you know? He kind of raised me with my mom since my dad left her when she told him about me, I admit to the boy. I watch Phil frowning as he discovers a part of my life that I don't usually bring up. Why am I telling him all of this? It's not like he cares anyway... Does he? Anyway, to continue this unpleasant day, I had the pleasure to meet very unpleasant and rude customers all day long. Like this one call wasn't enough already... One of the customers said that they didn't want me as their waitress because I've got curves, some others telling me I was too long when in reality I just walked away from their table, a couple literally told me I gave them the wrong command and threw their drinks at me, and another one insulted me because there wasn't anymore sandwich like he wanted, I tell him all of this in just one single breath. Yet, you could hear how tired and hurt I am right now. I guess the death of my uncle adding this unnecessary crap was just too much at once. And to add more, my boss is cutting half my pay off because I accidentally broke a cup... A damn cup! Can this day get any worse? I finish to say as I look away, letting a heavy and shaky sight out as another tear rolls down my face. My hand is still over my heart as if I am protecting it all while trying to reject all negative emotions. Suddenly, two fingers softly come grabbing my chin and force me to lift my head up.

- Your boss is a dick, MC. Always have been, always will be, he tells me, the sound of those words sounding familiar. How many times did he already say this to me? I stopped counting... But I should listen, he is right. And f**k those customers. They're not happy? Tell them to go to another restaurant, he responds seriously. His deep voice sounds so calm despite the upset look he has on his face. Am I upsetting him or is he upset because of what happened to me today?

- Right, I kind of need to keep my job despite everything. But you can go tell them that, I respond with a small scoff, yet, trying to use sarcasm.

- Sure, give me names and faces and I'll find them, he replies playfully, yet a point of seriousness heard in his voice. I smile to his answer, appreciating his concern and protectiveness. Though, I never thought it would ever happen one day. Phil is... Not the last person I'd go to to talk but definitely not the first one either... Usually. I look away again and lightly sniffle. Phil wipes some of my tears away. His hands are so soft... It's weird. I've never seen you cry before, he whispers. I look back up at him, watching him slightly frowning. That's true... Not sure a lot of people saw me crying before either... Not even Jessy. I weakly nod before shrugging.

- How does it feel to watch a girl crying in front of you? I reply slightly playfully. Jessy's brother grabs something on the other side of the counter before handing it to me. Tissues... I take them from his hand, thanking him.

- It's painful. When it's you... It's different... Painful, he responds, taking his cigarette again. Oh... I wasn't waiting for an answer like this one. I was waiting for him to say "Can you just stop thinking for a moment?" Or "Stop crying over so little"... But none of that. I watch Phil blowing some smoke, making sure it doesn't go in my face.

- Is the womanizer Phillip Hawkins starting to be an emotional guy? I question him with a playful tone, cracking a smile. I think it's the first time today that I cracked a smile. A real one, I mean.

- No, he's the same dick, he answers, shaking his head left to right while chuckling. Oh... Of course. That would have been too surreal. I'm not going to lie, Phil is a good looking guy. His long hair, his tattoos looking so cool, his piercing, the way he dresses, his voice,... Just the way he is is attractive. The sound of his chuckle runs through my body.

- He admits it, I reply as I feel myself smiling more and more as the tears are coming to a stop. Prove it, I tell him with a daring tone. Phil leans against the counter, smirking.

- Wanna stay with me, tonight? At my place. The bed is comfy and big enough for us two, he proposes seriously to me, a point of flirt in his voice. I know he is being serious. I can hear it in his voice. And that look of his... I know girls don't refuse him generally. But I'm not them. And I don't want to end up in his bed just for one night and then nothing. That's not me... That's not who I am. That's not what I want. He can be incredibly good looking and just be his amazing self, I'll still refuse.

- I don't do one night stands, Phil, I remind him seriously.

- I know... He replies, a slight hidden note of his tone telling me he is disappointed. It's no secret that Phil has been liking me for a while. He has tried to ask me a few times before but I declined them all for... Obvious reasons. Let's do two then, he suddenly says, half joking, half serious.

- Phil! I exclaim as I chuckle.

- It's okay. I'll accept even three nights. Or more. I won't mind, Gorgeous, he continues to say, but I can tell he is joking this time. I softly laugh while shaking my head. There's that smile I love, he states, sounding satisfied with himself for making me smile. Honestly, Gorgeous, don't mind those idiots. Don't let them get to you, he advises me seriously as he finishes his whiskey.

- I don't usually. But I thought going to work was going to help me forget that awful news for a moment. I went there hoping to clear my head. I guess it was just too much today and I needed to break. Sorry it had to be you watching me like this, I answer and apologize to the boy as I take a sip of my drink. Ugh... It's the last time I take Whiskey... I lightly grimace and put the glass down.

- I'm not. If you ever have a bad day again and feel the need to talk, don't hesitate knocking on my door. Even if it's closed. It's always open for you, he tells me seriously and sincerely. Honestly, I haven't met that guy before... Where's the Phil I know?

- Thanks, Phil, I thank him before stepping down the stool. I step up twice and take him in my arms. The man envelops me back in a warm embrace, running softly his hand on my back. I pull my head away and place a kiss on his cheek as a thank you. And before you think of anything spicy, that kiss on the cheek is the farthest you'll ever have, I rapidly tell him, a point of warning in my voice, yet, using a playful tone.

- You're definitely killing me with kindness, MC. My poor heart pays dearly, he tells me with a frustrated tone before I watch him taking my glass of Whiskey. Oh... He winks and takes a sip from it. Oh yeah, drink that thing... I don't like it anyway. And I think he noticed it...

- Moh, maybe one of those girls coming here could put a bandage on it to heal it, I say with some sarcasm, yet, with some dislike heard into it. I always hated that those girls could "help" him... I mean, what do they have? What does he see in them? Before anything said, no, I'm not jealous... I just don't like him with other girls...

- They could. But will it be worth it? He answers while nodding before taking his cigarette and blowing so smoke away.

- You tell me. You're the one who can't resist "beautiful women", I reply to the man, stating his own words. Phil smiles and chuckles lightly to my comment.

- They can definitely help at a low point, he answers, agreeing. Right... Wait, at a low point?

- At a low point? What do you mean? I ask him with a confused tone.

- I can sleep with every woman that wants me. But, in the end, it will never mean anything like... Like when you're with me, he suddenly tells me, lowering his head lightly. His smile disappeared, showing seriousness. Did I hear him right? Did he just say those words? I stare at the man, confused and speechless. Me? Why...? Since when...? Ugh... He had a few drinks today, didn't he? Phil looks back up at me, but his eyes give a quick look at my lips.

- I'm sorry. I'm trying but... Are those words really coming from you or... Did you have any drinks before? I demand him seriously, yet, with a playful tone to keep a cool atmosphere. Arguing with him is the last thing I want. Phil cracks a smile but it doesn't stay long.

- I know I play a lot around with different girls. I know what you think of me. I'm a f**k boy. And I know I tried several times to get a night with you. But... It's not just a night that I want and you don't seem to see that, he replies, not denying who he is but also kind of reproaching me to not open my eyes about him. Well… How could I? If he doesn't tell me, I only see things the way I see them... I nod positively before looking down. Why do I feel a little sorry suddenly? I shouldn't... There's something different with you, MC. You're different. From all the others. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to dirty you. I don't want to play with you. I don't want to break you, he tells me gently and seriously. I slowly look back up at him and notice how close he is to me. Was he that close to me before? I can feel my heart beating like crazy down my chest. It's wrong... It feels right, but it's wrong. I know it...

- Phil... I gently whisper his name as I a look down again.

- I love you, MC, he interrupts me with his calm and deep voice. What...? I stare at him with wide eyes, surprised by the words I just heard. I didn't even know he knew how to say them… Especially while sounding sincere. He meant those words. I love you like I have never loved a woman before. And I'm not talking about loving the "pretty woman" that you are. No, I mean... He sighs. You're pretty. You're more than pretty. You're prettier than all of those girls and I am not talking just about the way you look. I just... Again, I hear Phil sighing. Despite the fast that he stays calm, I can sense some nervousness coming from him which is unusual. Phil is never nervous, especially around a woman. He is the exact opposite actually. He is pretty confident about himself. He talks easily, flirts easily… You're not a price I want to win or a pride to have f**ked in bed. You have this thing that the others don't have. You're special, he says with the same calm and slight nervous tone. Phil looks straight before him as he blows some smoke. Special... He noticed this little thing in me, which I didn't know I had…

- You really noticed that small thing in me? Because, honestly, I'm everything but special. I can assure you, I demand and tell him with a point of shiness. Wow... I didn't think I would have sounded so shy all of a sudden...

- I told you. I love you. And you know those words don't come out of my mouth easily. Actually, I don't think I ever said them to someone before, he replies seriously and gently before taking a last blow and putting out his cigarette. I stare at him, not really knowing how to react. I mean, of course it does make me feel something. There's... There are those butterflies flying in my belly. My heart is racing and my cheeks feel a little warm... Maybe a little more than a little, actually. I know I feel something for him. I can't deny it… But there's still things in the way...

- Honestly, I'm discovering another man right now. Why don't you show this side of yours to people? Pride? Male ego? I demand him with a small confused tone, yet curious.

- I am who I am, he simply answers.

- Mmh... Well, I like this Phil better, I answer him as I crack a smile. Phil looks at me and his serious face turns into a smiling one again.

- So, would you go out one night? Or during a lunch break? He proposes to me, hope heard in his voice. Oh... Well... I know your days are long and I work at night too so it'll be short but... He tells me gently, reminding us of our busy lives. Right, there's not a lot of moments where we can meet… But do I want to meet him like this? I mean, yes, I want to but… Do I want to get in something like this? In an uncertain relationship where I'll fear he goes to see someone else to distract himself from me? Despite this side of him, he is still Phil in the end...

- If you do this to only get me in your bed... I whisper, interrupting him. I hope it's not a plan of his to get me in his bed... That'll be the worst thing he could do... Especially as being my friend first...

- I do this to win your heart. As cheesy as it sounded... Nothing more, he tells me seriously, staring into my eyes. Speechless, I stare at him as well. For once in my life, I just want to do right. Especially with you… For you… Because of you... But it's only if you want to, he responds sincerely to me, looking serious. It's actually a little disturbing. Phil has always had respect for everyone, including me. He always respected that I didn't want a one time thing… What changed?

- I don't know, I whisper, confused by the situation. It's not that I don't want to be with him nor that I don't like him. On the contrary. I love Phil. But... There's few things in the way...

- Because of my past with women? He asks me, sounding really confused that I won't accept. I'm certainly the only woman telling him "no". Especially after a few tries.

- Yes... And because of my insecure self. Look at you and look at me. You own an amazing bar, I work as a waitress with a crappy boss. You look cool and get well and easily along with people, I look like that discreet and shy girl who is nothing more than being awkward. And you're my best friend's brother. And there's the age gap, which is the least that bothers me, I tell him everything that I thought on why I don't say "yes" to him. I mean... I think he can understand where I'm coming from. I hope... I don't want to lose a friend, in a way, just because of that...

- You're perfect the way you are, MC. Nobody will take that thought out of my mind, he states seriously. I notice how his eyes are alternating from my own to my lips. They keep going up and down. He seems eager...

- Right... You said it, not me, I say with a disbelieving tone, yet a playful one while I giggle. A small smile comes on my face which keeps growing more and more. I'm not going to lie, but hearing him saying those words do something inside me.

- And I believe it, he says while nodding. He does... I stare at him for a moment, the two of us plunge into a deep silence. It's not awkward... It's intense, but not awkward. I'm just so not confident with myself. What if he is playing me? And what if he is not? Ugh… I should let go sometimes... Really... I could open doors I didn't even think I had the key of.

- Tomorrow. Meet me for lunch if you're free. We can start there to see how it goes, I propose to the man which, I notice, makes him smile instantly.

- Is it a date? He asks with a smirk. Well...

- I'm not sure... Maybe... We'll see, I reply unsure, yet, smirking back at him. Yes, I'm entering his game easily... Was it right? Though, we could hear this point of shyness in my voice.

- Will I get to finally kiss you? He then asks, slowly getting even more closer to me. Oh... I can feel my heart racing a little more, hearing it beat in my ears. He's making me so nervous… Kiss me… Is that all he wants?

- Phil... I whisper his name, annoyed, as I lightly title my head on the side.

- What? I showed you a part of me, doesn't mean the other one is gone, he answers with a not so innocent tone, still smirking at me. I keep staring at him a little annoyed despite the amused smile on my face. Alright, just lunch, he says, agreeing. I nod back positively. And a hug? He rapidly asks.

- A hug? I ask, surprised and confused. Phil winks at me. I can see he is waiting for an actual answer. Oh well... Sure. Whatever. I've got to go home. It's getting late, I agree before standing up from the stool. I didn't think but, when I stood up, my face got so close to his. At this moment, when my eyes met his, it was as if the time had stopped for a second. Slow motion. It was like I couldn't remember what reality looked like. I feel my cheeks starting to burn before I look down to hide my certainly blushing face from him. Why did I have to happen to have a crush on him? Why him? Why does he make me feel this way? I clear my throat quietly and start walking towards the door.

- Be careful on your way home. Tell me once you're there, he tells me as he follows me behind.

- I will, I reply. I was about to open the door when his hand grabbed the handle first. My fingers brushed his. I retrieve my hand and let him open the door for me. Still with my cheek lightly burning from previously, I manage to cross sight with his eyes and smile at him. Thanks for the night, the drink, holding me when I cried, and for listening to me, Phil, I thank him sincerely as I weakly nod to the man.

- You're very welcome, Gorgeous, he responds with his deep and calm voice while smiling back at him. That damn smile... Goodnight, MC, he wishes me softly.

- Goodnight, Phil, I wish him back. The two of us exchange one last look and smile before I walk out of his bar. I put my hands in my pockets and walk home.

I'm not sure what exactly happened there... I went to the bar to have a drink to relax and take my mind off and I ended up with Phil holding me when I broke down and accepting to have lunch together. Will it be a date? Will it actually go somewhere? Was he being serious? So many questions burning my mind... I will see how tomorrow goes. I'll have so much to do tomorrow, anyway... Mom is certainly going to call me for the funerals, my work is going to be tiring as always, and the lunch with Phil... I wonder what Jessy will say if she knew that her brother and I are going on a... Lunch? Date? Whatever it's called... Will she be okay with... What we're doing? Will she mind if I go out with her brother? Ugh, why do I already think of things like this? I'm not there yet... Anyway... I think I just need some sleep right now, nothing more. If I manage to actually fall asleep once I'll be home and in my bed… It promises to be a long night...

#duskwood #duskwood phil #duskwood jake #duskwood jessy #phil hawkins #duskwood richy #duskwood hannah #duskwood cleo #duskwood thomas #duskwood dan #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood app #iamjake #phil x mc #duskwood mc #multifandom #multifandomedit #edit #duskwood game

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writteninkat · 3 years ago

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vii - stargazing idiots

word count - 2,854

warnings - reader goes through what is caused by past trauma, mentions of death, mentions of murder

"Angels like you can't fly down hell with me. I'm everything they said I would be."

index

Right after All Might showed up, your body gave up on you and Tsuyu and Izuku had to help keep you up. Your eyelids felt heavier than ever and your head felt like it was going to burst. Your breathing is ragged and the last thing you see is Aizawa's bloodied body before darkness swallows you hole.

It's cold. So very cold.

You open your eyes only to be greeted by a never ending darkness. You feel like you're floating in water.

"Y/n." You hear his all too familiar voice. It's deep, if you could feel it it would feel like rubbing against sandpaper, it's also very cold and a sound that's void of any emotion.

"You did this to me." All of a sudden, Aizawa is standing in front of you, face bloodied and brusied, arms broken and turned to numerous directions. "Why are you so weak?!" He yells as tears begin streaming down your face.

You curl your body, placing your hand on your ears to try and block out your teacher's voice, but it's as if they're everywhere. They're around and inside you.

"I died because of you!" Aizawa yells, gis voice echoing inside your head. "The nomu didn't kill me, you did! You are a murderer! It's because you're so weak that I died!"

You scream, your body feeling immense pressure as hot tears stream down your face. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" You yell.

"You killed me. You can never be a hero. You are a murderer, you hear me! I murderer!" You open your eyes, your body shaking as you watch his hand about to grab you.

"I'm not a murderer!" You yell, your eyes opening to the sight of a white ceiling. "Y/n! Calm down! It's just a nightmare!" You hear his gruff voice beside you, it always managed to calm you down. As you turn your head to face him, Katsuki can't help but feel his heart break at the sight of your cheeks wet with tears and eyes red and puffy.

"Suki..." You sob, your body immediately being pulled into a warm hug as Katsuki whispers shushes into your ear. His hand strokes your hair as his arms tigten around you. "It's okay, just let it all out. Cry to me. I'm right here."

Your loud sobs and yelling fill the rooms, even alerting some of the nurses but Katsuki motions for them to leave you two alone.

Your heart feels like it's being crushed and it feel difficult to breathe. Despite this, you don't want Katsuki to let you go. You don't want his familiar warmth to leave your side, not now when you're feeling especially vulnerable.

When your sobs quiet down, Katsuki slowly pulls away, looking into your eyes. "Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm here." He shushes, wiping away your tears as his eyes analyze yours.

"You're okay. What made you cry out like that?" He asks, thumb caressing your cheek softly. You place a hand on his wrist, melting into his touch as you closed your eyes, letting your tears fall.

"Aizawa sensei... He... I killed-"

"We heard Y/n was yelling. What's wrong?!" Midnight barges in, making you immediately turn to her. Behind her she has Present Mic and someone else who's wrapped up in bandages.

Your eyes widen, "Aizawa... sensei..." You mutter, the bandaged-up person tilting his head to the side. "Yes? Are you okay, Y/n?"

Tears fill your eyes again, but this time, there's no longer weight on your shoulders or heart and it feels much easier to breathe. You start sobbing once again, Katsuki looking lost and confused as to what he's supposed to do.

"You're not dead!" You sob, "I thought I killed you- hic- because I was too weak!" You cry out, using your knuckles to wipe away your tears only for them to be replaced by new ones.

"I thought I became a murderer-hic-because I was too weak to protect you, and you died because of me!" You don't even notice Aizawa walking up to you. Despite his bandaged state and the casts he has on both arms, he pulls you into a slightly awkward hug. You wrap your arms around his torso, careful not to hurt him with it.

"Why are you carrying such a burden? Why do you have such thoughts, little girl?" Aizawa asks, his tone hurt. "I have these injuries because I chose to protect you, my students. If I ever get hurt, never, and I mean never blame yourself for it."

You bury your face onto his chest, tears rolling at his words. "Heroes go through stuff like these every time. We sacrifice ourselves to protect the weak and also to keep the peace. In your journey to becoming a hero, you will encounter many situations like these, some are even more worse. But just remember my words-" he pushes you softly, looking down at your swollen eyes. "-have courage, have faith on yourself and the people around you. Trust in them to prevail through just like how you will. Remember that we are all strong because we are heroes but that doesn't mean we have to carry all the burden by ourselves. Be good to yourself and let go if you need to. You're only sixteen, it's okay to act like a child sometimes."

You never thought you'd hear those words from your homeroom teacher who always seemed so indifferent, but at the end of the day, he truly does care about his students from the bottom of his heart.

"Good evening, visiting hours ended five minutes ago. Only miss L/n's guardian if allowed to stay with her." A nurse knocks on your open door, catching everyone's attention.

"I'll be her guardian-" Katsuki cuts off Midnight's words, "Not so fast. I'm her guardian."

"None of you are my guardians." You sigh, "It's been a tiring day and I just want you all to rest. Especially you guys, Aizawa sensei and Katsuki." You move to lay on your bed, but Katsuki raises you a questioning brow.

"What do you mean long day? You've been out for two days." Your eyes widen at his words. You turn to look at the teachers and they all giving knowing nods. "Wait- so does that mean-" You point at Katsuki who rolls his eyes, "Yes, dumbass. I've been watching over you this whole time." At the realization of his words, Katsuki turns away to hide his blush and yet again, fails to notice the red tips of his ears.

"Anyway, the doctors say that you'll be discharged tomorrow morning so you can-" You cut of Aizawa, "Finally go back to school!" You sigh, stretching your arms out and then letting out a sigh.

"I was going to say stay home and rest but if that's what you want then I won't stop you. Bakugou." Katsuki turns around, his face and ears no longer flushed and is back to it's natural scowling state. "I'm not sure how or why your parents allowed you to stay here at the hospital but I'm glad at least someone is taking care of her. There are many qualified pros scouting this area especially at night so you two can rest easy."

With one last nod, the teachers all walk away, bidding the two of you good night. The door closes and you reach over to take your phone from the bedside table, unlocking it. Your eyes widen at the sight of forty-seven missed calls from your mom and just as many number of unread text messages.

"Your mom was called by the school about your situation and assured her that you were alright, but I guess that didn't stop her from blowing up your phone." Katsuki says, eyes on the apple he's peeling.

"Sorry about that, I bet you didn't get enough sleep with all the calling." Your eyebrows knit together in cringe as you force out a smile to which Katsuki shakes his head at. "Your mom is probably the one who didn't get any sleep at all. You should call her and ensure to her that you're alright." He points the knife at your phone before returning back to peeling the apple.

You call your mother in facetime and it rings twice before she answers. "Y/n oh my god! Are you alright, baby?! No, don't answer that. I'm on my way there right now-"

"Mom, what do you mean on your way- here in Japan?" Your eyes scan her background, heart falling to your stkmach as you recognize the airport.

"Hold on! Stop, stop! Mom! You have work back there in the states, you can't come to Japan."

"But you're hurt-"

"Mom," You sigh, "Look, I'm sorry for worrying you. But I swear, I'm fine. Just a few bruises and scrapes but what's a hero without scars, am I right?"

Your mom looks like she stopped walking as she sends you a wordied expression to which you smile reassuringly at her. "I'm fine, mom. Don't worry about me. I'll be able to take care of myself."

"But who's taking care of you in the hospital? I'm going there right now and-"

"Mom, even if you did come here now, I'll be discharged by the time you get here. Plus-" you look at Katsuki who's busy slicing the apples into little slices, designing them to look like bunnies. "-Someone's already taking care of me here. I'll be fine."

Your mother sighs, defeated as you watch her turn around. "Just- stay safe okay? I don't have anyone else."

"I know, mom. I love you so much."

"I love you more, my baby girl."

The two of you pucker your lips for a kiss before ending the call. You lean your back onto your now inclined bed, looking down at the bunny slice Katsuki is offering you. He still has that glare in his eyes, but if you look into them even more, they're much more softer. You take the slice from his fingers, letting out a soft thank you before taking a bite.

"When you blamed yourself a while ago." He starts, making you flinch at the topic. "Don't do that again."

"Suki-"

He slams the knife onto the table, "Please. It's not your fault. Even the strongest people have weaknesses. Don't put all the weight on yourself, please."

Your eyes widen at how vulnerable his voice sounds right now. You reach over, placing a hand on his soft hair. You smile softly, "Alright. I'm sorry I did that. I promise to rely on you more."

Katsuki looks up at you, eyes glassy and face flushing. "I never said you needed to rely on m-"

"I wanna look at the stars." You cut him off quickly, hopping off your bed to saunter towards the window. You push the glass window open, leaning in and taking a deep breath of the cold night air, smiling. You look up at the stars, wishing you had access to the rooftop since the view would be better up there.

"You know, we are at the twenty fifth floor of the hospital." Katsuki says, folding the fluffy blanket that you didn't even realize you were using. You don't think it's yours given that you've never seen it before. Was it Katsuki's?

"What are you saying?" You ask, letting him put on a sweater on you. Again, this piece of warm clothing wasn't yours as well. But by the sweet caramel scent it gave off, you come to a conclusion that this belonged to the angry blond gremlin who is currently standing on the window why the hell is he standing on the window?!

"Bakugou! Are you crazy?! Get off the window now!" You yell, pulling at his pants. "Oh stop being a square." He pushes the warm blanket on you, pulling you with him off the window and out of the hospital room. Before you let out a scream, he uses his quirk to push you two upwards, his hand gripping your sides tightly as your feet land on the cemented rooftop of the hospital.

At the notice of you no longer in the doorstep of death, you resort to hitting Katsuki's arm, letting your mouth run as you lecture him about how dangerous that act was. He responds to your reprimanding with a loud, milky, genuine laugh. Your hand comes to a hault as well as your mouth and you just stand there, awestruck at how handsome Katsuki actually looks when he's smiling.

You place a closed hand on your chest, feeling as your heart thumps against it vigorously. Ah, there it was again. The butterflies in your stomach that made your body feel lighter than it usually felt and your drying throat as well as your sweating palms.

"Come on, I find stargazing relaxing." He says, the usual angry tone of his voice gone, catching you off guard. He wraps his hand around your wrist softly, pulling you towards the center of the rooftop. He places the soft blanket on the ground, folding it once so it isn't too thin before laying down, patting the empty space for you. You mirror his actions, laying down beside him as you gazed up at the stars.

"You ever wonder what the alternative universe us are like?" You ask, eyes staring up at the twinkling stars as Katsuki raises a brow, turning his head towards you. "You believe in that bullshit?" He chuckles, making you gasp. "Don't call it bullshit! What else are the stars for??"

Katsuki presses his lips together to stop his laughter, "I don't know~ What are they for?" He asks you, tone sarcastic and pushing you off the edge. "To tell us about the future, and to show us how many other worlds are there other than ours!"

Katsuki can no longer hold in his laughter, clutching his stomach as he laughs his heart out. You narrow your eyes at him, pouting and crossing your arms against your chest. "Let me guess, let me guess." Katsuki wipes a tear away, "You also believe in the red string of fate?"

"How could you not believe it when-" You stop yourself from continuing your words. How could you not believe it when it caused the two of us to meet?

"When what? Come on, tell me! I promise not to laugh." You turn away, sitting up. Katsuki is still laughing as he follows you, taking your hand in his. "What else do I not know about you?" He asks, curling his four fingers with yours as he stands his thumb up, preparing for a thumb wrestle. You follow his actions and the two of you start the game. "I can't swim." You start.

"I had a pet goldfish but it died after a week." Katsuki chuckles.

"I only ever had two friends growing up- they were my mother's bodyguards. Eliot and Andrew."

"I like to cook."

"I still have my stuffed toys from when I was young."

"I tried to learn how to drive but after almost running over a cat, I swore never to drive again."

"I was pretty popular in middle school."

You chuckle, "I was bullied in middle school."

Katsuki stops moving his thumb, allowing you to pin his down. Your face brightens up as you smile, "I win!" You look up at him, smile almost immediately falling at the sight of his grin expression.

His head drops, covering up his eyes. "Hey, what happened? Did I say something wrong? Come on Suki, talk to me."

"I'm- Do you hate bullies?" He asks, his head still hanging.

"Well, hate is a strong word..." You look up at the stars, as if they were going to give you the right word you were looking for. "But I dislike them. What's the point of putting down someone especially when they've done nothing wrong to you? I don't use the word hate because I don't want to use it incorrectly, but to me bullies are sometimes just misunderstood or something. They have that superiority complex and I like to think that they have it because of their past that we don't know about or the thoughts they have in their heads."

You feel him padding his thumb over your hand. "Hey, you okay?" You ask, cupping his jaw to make him look uo at you. The look in his eyes, takes you aback- he looks so sad and regretful which only stirrs up more questions in your head.

"You're so good. You're such a good person, Y/n." His words cause you to furrow your brows in confusion. What was going on inside his head?

He drops his head to your shoulder, "You're an angel, Y/n. People are so lucky to have you in their lives."

You don't even think twice before the words leave uour mouth. "Even you?"

It takes him a few moments to respond and you begin to think that you made a mistake asking him that, but you feel him nod on your shoulder. "Especially me."

#bakugou fanfiction #bakugou katuski x reader #bakugou x y/n #mha bakugou #bakugou bios #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x you #bakugou imagine #bakugou fluff #mha fluff #bnha bakugou #bnha fluff #my hero fluff #my hero fanfic #boku no hero fluff

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spicycreativity · 3 years ago

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Soft-Shoe Shuffle - Ch 1

Chapter: 1/12 Rating: T (for language) Content Warnings: Canon-typical Remus content. This chapter only: alcohol use Characters: All Pairings: Moceit, background Prinxiety, background Intrulogical (yes I played a little game of "pair the spares") Additional Tags: Hey it's the fic I published on Anon because I was embarrassed of how utterly pretentious it is!, post-PoF, sickfic, dirty poetry, humor interspersed with philosophy and Janus-typical pontification, this is VERY speculative and will get Jossed in the future lmao Summary: After claiming his place in the Light and coming face-to-face with the consequences of his actions, Janus finds himself unwillingly re-calibrating his moral compass. For selfish reasons, of course. But one apology snowballs into several, and soon he's running around the Mindscape with a low-grade fever and a guilty conscience as he desperately tries to regain some sense of self. Oh, and he's definitely not falling in love with Patton, so don't even bring it up. One Last Note: I wrote this in an ADHD fugue state. It is HEAVILY influenced by Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment, but there are also references to poetry and various other works of literature. I also deliberately used symbols, themes, and motifs. Most of them are pretty in your face except for the recurring ouroboros, which is used as a symbol of rebirth. ...Told you it was pretentious.

When you wake up to the promise of your dream world comin' true With one less friend to call on, was it someone that I knew? Away you will go sailing in a race among the ruins If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon

Janus appeared in the Dark side of the Mindscape, elation swelling in his chest. Even the ringing headache and bitter taste in his mouth couldn't hollow the unfamiliar triumph that warmed him to the core. Caught up in his own thoughts, it took a moment for him to register the sight before him: Remus, upside-down on the couch, his brow furrowed and face an alarming shade of purple.

For a moment, Janus stood stock-still as he tried to get his bearings. He must have been more flustered than he'd realized-- He'd been aiming for his bedroom.

But here he was, staring down at Remus, who was definitely going to burst a blood vessel (or several) if he didn't flip over soon.

"That's not horrifying at all," Janus said, thinking it would be rude to dismiss Remus, especially since he had probably been eavesdropping. He had likely heard everything. Everything. Even the ugly parts.

"Do you remember when Thomas read that post about Nutty Putty Cave?" Remus asked in a strained, strangled voice. "That spelunker who died because he got stuck upside-down?"

"No," Janus said, before realizing his mistake. "Yes." He definitely wanted Remus to remind him of the gory details.

"That's what I thought," Remus said with a wicked grin.

Janus sighed through his nose. Remus, though he thrived on attention, seemed content enough to continue his experiment by himself. On the other hand, if Janus didn't bring up a certain insult he'd levied at Roman, Remus most certainly would, and at a time where it would cause the most upset and turmoil. Better for Janus to deal with it now, even if he would have to fight the tension pulling his muscles taut. He wanted to dance. He wanted to scream.

Hesitation proved to be Janus' downfall, and by the time he'd opened his mouth to broach the subject at hand, Remus had beaten him to the blow. "You're not usually this quiet, Oralboros. Snake got your tongue?"

Janus, again, sighed. Rather than answer, he doffed his hat, set it on the coffee table, and clumsily arranged himself upside-down next to Remus. The change in position immediately made his head throb. He ignored it. "I definitely meant it when I called you 'evil'."

Remus' eyes widened in faux-shock. "You called me evil ?" he shrieked, voice ringing out high and clear. "Me? How dare you. I'm an angel!"

At least Remus was taking it well. "Sarcasm is my thing," Janus said, realizing that he might make it out of this without having to properly apologize.

For some reason, Patton's face flashed into his mind, and a subsequent twinge of guilt made his tongue go sour. Fine. If there was ever a time to start telling uncomfortable truths… "But I am sorry I said that."

"Wow!" Remus laughed. "You must be upset." A red stain began to spill across his left eye. "You don't apologize."

"It’s not like I care about your feelings or anything." Janus would have liked to have drawn himself up to his full height, but it was impossible to do while upside-down. "As much as I'm enjoying watching your blood vessels slowly burst, would you please turn over before you hurt yourself? I've suffered enough psychological trauma for today."

"Oh, fine." Remus kicked his legs and landed neatly on his toes like a gymnast.

Janus, by contrast, got his arms tangled in his capelet and nearly folded himself in half before he found his balance again. "I meant to do that," he said, turning to grab his hat so Remus wouldn't see the blush on his face.

The sudden sensation of blood draining from his head made the room whirl. He steadied himself against Remus' shoulder until it slowed somewhat, but nothing could dampen the horrible ringing in his ears.

"Well," he said, adjusting his shirt. The sudden appearance of his conscience had taken the wind out of his sails more than he cared to admit, and all thoughts of dancing bled out of him along with a good deal of energy. "I'm not going to go scream into my pillows until I tire myself out."

"Being an agent of chaos is hard work," Remus said with a sage nod, "but that doesn't sound very relaxing, Mr Self Care."

"It's a form of meditation, if you think about it," Janus said.

Remus made a face. "You know I don't do that."

"...Meditate?"

"No, think."

"Ah. Well." Janus made only a token attempt to hide his fond smile. "Good night, Remus. Please stay up late and injure yourself."

"Can do, Snakeypoo.”

Janus turned. It was close enough, he might as well walk to his bedroom, especially considering how well his last attempt at appearing in it had gone.

The reason why that had been so difficult became apparent in mere moments. Janus froze in the hall and dropped to his knees at the giddy wave of horror and delight that made him too light-headed to stand.

He knelt in front of the empty stretch of wall where his door had been previously. Heat flooded his face.

"Jay?" The rounded toes of Remus' boots appeared in his line of sight. Janus zeroed in on them, the mud splatters and stains on the soft leather. "You have an aneurysm or what?"

Janus, unable to speak, motioned for Remus to turn around. He couldn't deal with this right now.

"Ohhh," said Remus. "Well. Good luck with that ." He hauled Janus to his feet. "So you're a boner fide good guy now, huh?"

Janus stared over Remus' shoulder at the empty stretch of wall where his door used to be. "That depends entirely on who you ask."

Remus shrugged and rose up on his toes. "You can scream into my pillows instead, if you want."

"As tempting as that is…" Janus trailed off, his eyes still fixed on the wall. It was tempting, despite the constant chaos in Remus' room. But he'd have to face the Light side sooner or later. It wasn't like he could move his room back, not without psychologically damaging Thomas and undoing all the work he'd done. "I'm really looking forward to getting insulted some more."

"Alright," Remus said with a shrug. "Try not to throw me under the bus this time, alright? Unless it's a real bus…" His gaze became dreamy, unfocused. "And it's doing 50 in a school zone and there's a whole pack of screaming kids in the crosswalk--"

"Goodbye, Remus." Janus turned and left.

The barrier between the "dark" and the "light" sides of Thomas' brain had been a joint venture. It would have been there in some form no matter what, but it was Janus and Roman (with Patton's tacit blessing) who had worked to put up something more physical between them.

Janus ducked under the red curtain, trepidation percolating in his stomach, but what he found on the other side was anticlimactic to say the least: It was dead silent on this side of the barrier.

Janus wasn't sure what he'd been expecting. He knew by now that the so-called "Lights" had issues working out their interpersonal issues, and this most recent conflict wasn't the kind of thing you just got over. It did follow that they would all go off to lick their wounds for a time.

Hesitantly, toe-to-heel, Janus crept down the hall. It felt for all the world like he was sneaking around a vast hotel, right down to needlessly ornate design on the plush carpeting. That was probably Roman's doing.

Janus focused, trying to call the Mindscape to work for him. He wanted to go to his room.

The Mindscape listened. Janus turned a corner and found a row of doors stretching down yet another brightly-lit corridor. His eye was immediately drawn, not to the brilliant yellow of his own door, but to the figure huddled in front of it: Patton sat with his arms wrapped around his legs, forehead resting on his knees.

"Looking for someone?" Janus asked, slightly louder than necessary.

Patton jerked his head up. "Oh! Janus!" He plastered an unconvincing smile on his face. "You sure pop star-tled me."

Scaring Patton hadn't brought Janus nearly the level of schadenfreude he'd thought it would. He crossed his arms over his chest, extending a third to help Patton up. "Take your time getting to the point.”

"Oh." Patton accepted Janus' proffered hand and got to his feet. Warmth spilled from him, permeating the fabric of Janus' glove and gently heating his palm. "Well, it's just…" He took a deep breath. "I noticed your door and I thought-- Well, I wanted to make you feel welcome!"

A high-pitched tone resonated in Janus' skull. He bit down on the inside of his cheek to keep from wincing at the mounting pressure-pain-exhaustion in his temples. "Aren't you just a saint ." Patton's face fell. Janus fought the urge to swear aloud. He usually had a better handle on himself, and he knew better than to alienate potential allies. "I mean, thank you, Patton. Truly. I appreciate it." Patton had proven himself useful. Janus should at least cultivate that relationship, even if it meant a little discomfort.

"Have you eaten?" Patton asked. "It's a little late, but I could make something if you wanted." He paused. "Maybe we could play cards or something." Another pause. "O-only if you want to, I mean."

Janus let his face remain impassive even as he internally cringed at the idea of staying awake for even another second. It would be so easy to brush Patton off with a few honeyed words and disappear beyond the barrier of his door. But Patton had stood up for him today, or at least he'd tried to. Janus sighed. Quid pro quo. "That sounds like an utter waste of time."

"Are you… I'm sorry, sometimes I can't tell when you're…"

"Yes, Patton. That sounds lovely."

Patton actually hopped in place, an adorable little jig that absolutely didn't send a confusing little shockwave of fondness through Janus' ribcage. "Really?"

"Really," Janus lied.

He followed Patton down the hall into the living room, which opened into the dining room and the kitchen. Janus studied his surroundings, trying to take in as much as his exhausted faculties would allow. Even in the absence of other Sides, the living room felt warm and welcoming. All the lights were on, and they bathed everything in gentle golden light .

"You're awfully quiet," Patton said.

Janus shook himself. "I was just getting my bearings."

"I guess you've never really been over here, huh?" Pattton opened the refrigerator. Was he actually going to cook , instead of just manifesting something? How quaint. "Do you like grilled cheese?"

It had been a long, confusing day. Doublespeak came to Janus as naturally as breathing, but he was obviously running circles around Patton even when he wasn't trying to. "Yes," he said, hoping to telegraph his sincerity by not emoting at all.

It seemed to work. Patton studied him for a moment before turning back to the fridge. "Then that's what I'll make."

Janus took advantage of this temporary distraction to clamber onto one of the barstools. The slick velvet of his capelet tended to disagree with surfaces like wood and vinyl, and he needed a moment to arrange things so he didn't look as unbalanced as he felt.

He watched Patton work in the kitchen, a detached coolness washing out the scene. Quid pro quo, he reminded himself when he felt his facade begin to slip. He owed Patton this.

He certainly didn't feel the slightest twinge of guilt, that he had been the one to orchestrate this breakdown. Yes, the Light Sides had loaded the gun, but in the end it was Janus who had pulled the trigger.

He shook his head and thought about playing cards, good Bicycle playing cards with holes punched through them like they'd come from a casino. "What should we play?" he asked, pulling the deck from his breast pocket.

Patton looked up from the stovetop, his eyes flicking to the cards in Janus' hand. "Do you know Kings in the Corners?"

"Not personally, no."

Patton laughed, but there was something cold about it. "It's really simple," he said. "I'll show you how to play and you can tell me if you like it."

It was nearly impossible to cheat at Kings in the Corners. Janus doubted this had been a calculated measure on Patton's part, doubted he had the capacity for that kind of foresight, but he respected it just the same.

They played in funereal silence, staring each other down across the light wood of the dining room table. Janus, ill-inclined to take off his gloves, utilized a napkin to keep from staining them with melted butter from the grilled cheese Patton had made. Neither one of them smiled. Neither one of them spoke.

Janus pulled a card from the deck to indicate the end of his turn and glanced up at Patton. His face was somber, almost sorrowful, and it clashed against the gentle domesticity of the dining room, with its floral table runner and mismatched placemats.

Janus started to laugh.

"What is it?" Patton asked, cheeks darkening. "What? Do I have something on my face?"

Janus swallowed down another peal of laughter and cleared his throat, unable to wholly restrain the smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "You look like I’m holding you here at gunpoint." It was somewhat ironic, considering Janus was the one who felt like he couldn't leave.

"What?" Patton smiled, but it was more akin to an offering than an expression of joy.

"It’s not really funny. " Janus wasn’t quite sure how to make Patton understand.

Patton sat back with a sigh, placing his cards facedown on the table. "But I guess it is pretty funny, huh? In a really sad way."

Janus almost asked what was sad about it before realizing that Patton probably missed his friends. Instead he said, "Yes" and stifled a yawn behind his free hand.

"I'll make coffee!" Patton leapt to his feet and was off to the kitchen before Janus could so much as blink.

The newfound solitude made it that much harder for Janus to ignore his headache, which had only worsened in the hour or so he'd been playing cards with Patton. Despite the nonchalant facade he'd tried so hard to project, he'd been holding himself tense.

Maybe the night (or morning, at this point) would be easier to tolerate if he had, say, a bit of gold rum.

The corner of a flask dug into Janus' hip. He smiled.

"Just how late are you planning on staying up?" he asked Patton when the latter returned holding two mismatched mugs.

"Oh, I don't know," Patton said. Lied. He set a mug down in front of Janus and then resumed his seat, the cards forgotten by his elbow. "I'm… A little scared of what tomorrow will be like."

Janus eased the flask out of his pocket. "Rum?"

"Oh, um," Patton said, staring at the flask. "I don't know…"

Janus raised an eyebrow, working something out. He landed on it a millisecond later: Patton wanted to be convinced. Easy enough. Janus opened the flask and poured what he hoped was a shot into his own mug. It was black, he noticed, except for the yellow snake that wrapped around it, its tail firmly in its own mouth. Ouroboros. "Surely you don't intend to make me drink alone?"

As Janus had expected, Patton buckled the second he was pushed. "I guess not."

It was funny, Janus mused as he carefully tipped rum into Patton's coffee, how lying was only off-limits when Janus suggested it. Hilarious.

But now wasn't the time for bitterness, now was the time to repay the debt he owed Patton. "Cheers," he said, pocketing the flask once more.

"Cheers."

Janus sipped his coffee. "You put milk in this," he observed.

Patton's smile was surprisingly sly. "I know you want me to think you take it black. Virgil did too, at first. I know you ‘Dark Sides’ have an image you like to uphold."

"And how does Virgil take his coffee now?" Janus asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"With Snickers-flavored creamer."

"Well, I do take my coffee black," Janus lied.

Patton's smile never faltered. "We'll see, kid-- Uh, Janus."

"Patton," Janus said, before he could start thinking about the implications of Patton wanting to call him 'kiddo,' "you are planning on sleeping tonight, aren't you?"

"Maybe eventually," Patton said, suddenly unable to look Janus in the eye. "At some point."

"Tomorrow will come whether or not you sleep. It's definitely better to pull an all-nighter and feel like garbage instead of facing everything with a clear head."

"I know." Patton leaned forward so he could rest his head on his hand.

For a moment, Janus was tempted to mirror him. Sitting up straight was becoming quite the chore. "I know how the others love a calm, rational discussion."

"Oh, I wish." Patton's expression turned wistful.

Janus stifled a yawn behind his hand. He had half-expected the coffee to counteract the depressant effect of the alcohol, but all he had to show for the combination was a racing heart.

"I'll be fine out here if you want to go to bed," Patton said. Without seeming to realize he was doing it, he brought his hand to his mouth and bit down on his thumbnail.

It was a tempting offer. A day ago, Janus would have taken it. After all, it wasn't like he cared about Patton outside of professional courtesy. They weren't friends. But guilt nagged at him and wouldn't let him entertain the idea of abandoning Patton for longer than a second.

"That's a remarkable impression of a window," Janus said, waiting for Patton to look confused before elaborating, "I can see right through you."

"You got me." Patton smiled sadly. "That's something I've always admired about you, Janus."

Now it was Janus' turn to be confused. "What?"

"You're so… clever."

Janus narrowed his eyes. "Please do keep trying to change the subject."

"It's just… I don't want to have to lie there and, and think about today and everything I did wrong. I hurt Thomas. I hurt my friends." Patton's eyes were shiny behind his glasses; the unshed tears sparkled in the light when he locked eyes with Janus. "Aren't you going to think about the same thing?"

Anger flared, perhaps prematurely, in Janus' chest. "About what you did wrong today?"

"About what you did wrong," Patton said timidly.

"I," Janus said icily, "didn't do anything wrong." He stared Patton down across the table, jaw set, daring him to push back. Let him lecture and nag, let him prove that he hadn't changed no matter what he said.

But Patton only nodded, his face lined with misery. "Okay," he softly. "I think you're right, Janus. We should go to bed."

Janus thought about how much faster he could get to bed if the table was cleared, and all the dishes and cards vanished in a blink.

"Um, Janus?" Patton said.

"Yes?"

"I don't regret everything that happened today."

"Oh?"

Patton only nodded and sank out.

Janus made a beeline for his own room; better to find his way there on foot rather than risk appearing in the wrong spot.

Once inside, he looked around to ensure nothing was amiss, eyes roving over the dark wood of his bookshelves and desk, his mirrored closet doors, the leather armchairs across from his bed.

Everything was exactly as Janus had left it. He nodded, satisfied, set his hat on the nightstand, and sprawled out of top of the covers without bothering to further undress.

One hazy thought crawled to the surface of his mind before he fell asleep: At least he wouldn't be one of the regrets haunting Patton tonight.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #janus sanders #moceit #spicywrites soft-shoe shuffle #song featured is: race among the ruins - gordon lightfoot #pics are free to use from unsplash and wikimedia commons

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one-boring-person · 4 years ago

Text

Only Traitors Consort With The Damned. (Part 13)

The Lost Boys x reader

Warnings: injury, blood

Context: The boys, (Y/n) and Nico formulate a plan to get out of the cave safely.

A/N: I have a new editor! It is my good friend @jawline-of-steel and she will hopefully be helping me with editing on all of my work!😊💛💛💛

Edited By: @jawline-of-steel

Masterlist

“What do we do? There’s no way out of here except through there! We’re trapped!” I say quickly, keeping my voice down as much as i can so as not to alert anyone outside of the fact that we are very close by, “Is there anywhere we can hide?”

“In here? Yeah, there is, but I’m not sure how good the hiding places are, especially not for someone as big as him.” Dwayne muses, gesturing to Nico as he turns to David with a questioning look on his face.

“All of the hallways are blocked off by debris, and any of the crawlspaces barely fit us, so it’s doubtful that he will be able to get through.” The platinum blonde responds dismissively, though his tone betrays his nerves, the idea of a team of highly trained Hunters waiting just outside the cave worrying and unnerving to him.

“How is she supposed to walk anywhere? She’s got a busted leg, remember?” Paul interjects, pointing at me.

“One of us could carry her?” Marko suggests, which draws a low growl from Nico, his protective side showing through as he tightens his grip around me, holding me tighter to his chest.

I think for a minute, during which time the other five tense up, clearly having heard something I can't, Marko and Paul starting to look even more worried. Frowning, i look around at them all, as if asking them to clarify, though none of them care to explain; instead, David jerks his head to the side, signalling for the rest of us to follow him as he leads us through a nearby tunnel, which takes us to what i assume is their sleeping quarters, Nico having to duck down the entire time as he struggles to fit his bulk in the space. As we emerge into the area, David quickly starts talking.

“The sun is gonna come up soon, so we don’t really have too much time, but I think we can help you. If one of us carries (Y/n), then she can leave through the way we get in and out of here, which isn’t accessible by foot, so it's the safest way out. As for Nico, there’s a chance we can lure the Hunters around the caves enough for him to have a clear chance at getting out of here, but it will only work if you're fast, because they'll most likely be expecting something like this to happen. There’s a safehouse a little way away, where you can stay until you can find transport, and where one of us can stay whilst the sun is out.” The vampire swiftly explains, the rest of us nodding as we take in the plan, glad that one of us is thinking rationally.

“Hold on, why do you have a safehouse?” Nico asks, frowning in the dim light.

“Our sire made it in case anyone ever came after us.” Dwayne fills him in, before moving on again just as quickly, “Which one of us is going to carry her?”

“Paul will, he's the fastest out of the four of us, which will mean he can get to the safehouse much quicker.” David says decisively, looking to his friend for confirmation.

“I’ll do it.” The tall vampire nods, reaching out to take me from Nico, who reluctantly hands me over, giving me one last squeeze for reassurance as he passes me to the blonde.

“Hang on a sec, what about Nico? How is he supposed to know where the safehouse is?” I chip in, looking at the towering werewolf as he straightens again.

The vampires are silent for a moment, thinking the question through, clearly as stuck as I am. Eventually, Dwayne pipes up again, having thought of something.

“I guess one of us will have to go with him.” The brunette says, looking around at the others.

“Yeah, I guess that would help.” I agree, adjusting myself in Paul’s arms.

“I can do it, I'm fast enough to get out of here and into cover before the sun comes up.” Dwayne offers, looking over at Nico as the werewolf, nods appreciatively, still uneasy around the vampires, but not as much as before.

“Ok, Dwayne will go with the werewolf. We’ll stay here and out of sight as much as we can.” David says with finality, watching us all agree before speaking again, “Alright then, let's get going, I can already hear them on the steps.”

“Alright. Thank you for doing this, you really didn't have to.” I say to them all, smiling thankfully.

“No problem, Dwayne is right. We owe you this, you’ve saved our lives too many times to count.” The platinum blonde waves me off, moving to start off into a nearby hallway.

I go to say something, only for Nico to cut me off, gesturing for Paul and Dwayne to move off immediately, not allowing me to argue with him, as is often the case. Paul starts moving off, carrying me as he turns down a different way to the others, where there is already a cooler breeze blowing in from the sea just outside. I lean back against the vampire’s chest, tensing in his arms in trepidation as i think through the plan in my head, still nervous about what will happen to my friends whilst im gone, particularly David and Marko, who will be stuck in the cave with a bunch of Hunters ready to kill them at a moment’s notice, should they get themselves caught. Part of me is confident that they won’t, but the more rational part of my mind knows that there is a very high probability of things going badly, which will end even worse for the rest of us.

I am snapped from my thoughts by the sound of the roaring ocean, the cave now widening out into a cavern that is filled with crashing waves, the far end ïleading to the sea itself, the horizon still cloaked in darkness despite the proximity of dawn that is fast approaching.

“You're gonna want to hold on tight.” Paul warns me, waiting for me to grip him with more force before he kicks off the ground, the disorientation that comes with his floating slightly off-putting as I become stiff in his arms.

“Hey, relax. I'm not going to drop you.” The vampire promises, before he starts to move off towards the front of the cave and out into the open.

My back aches as I slouch in the chair I'm sat in, my fingers knotted together as I watch the doorway, my lip already in shreds from how much I've been biting it, every muscle in my body tense with nerves. Across from me, Paul eyes me in concern, knowing that every movement I'm making is upsetting the injury on my knee, which is throbbing painfully now, though I am ignoring it in favour of staring at the space where Nico and Dwayne should appear.

"They'll make it, (Y/n), don't worry." The vampire tries to reassure me, though he isn't too convinced, looking just as worried and uneasy as i feel.

"I hope so." I manage back, my jaw clenched and tight, though I am doing my best to relax it.

We wait in silence again for a few moments, neither of us daring to say a word in case we miss the tell tale sounds of someone entering the safe house through the hatch in the abandoned gas station above, the actual door itself squeaky and stiff from disuse. It takes a little while, but eventually we hear it, at which point Paul moves to stand by the doorway, ready to intercept if it should be someone unsavoury, rather than the supernatural beings we are expecting. I sit up straighter, my eyes trained on the doorway, anxiously awaiting whoever it is, the heavy footsteps becoming more and more audible as they approach.

Suddenly, the familiar, lithe silhouette of Dwayne enters the candlelight, the brunette limping a little, his bare chest stained red with blood, Nico just behind him, the werewolf completely bare, his skin covered in sweat, blood and dirt. A few cuts litter his chest, though there is a wound on his shoulder where the shaft of a crossbow bolt is just visible. The German instantly comes over to me as he sees me, ignoring any pain as he chooses instead to pull me into an awkward embrace, glad to see I'm alright.

"Thank God you're ok!" He hums into my hair, pulling back to look me in the eye.

"I'm fine, Nico, though I can't say the same about you. What happened?" I respond, looking between him and Dwayne, who has sat down beside me on a different chair.

"There were some waiting for us outside the cave. We fought them off, but we both got hurt in the process. Nico took a crossbow bolt for me." The vampire informs me, nodding thankfully at the werewolf.

"And you took a bullet for me. We are even." He responds, smiling at the vampire in his usual crooked way, moving away from me when he finally notices that he is still naked, "Are there any clothes in here that I could wear?"

"Err, yeah man, they're over there. What happened to your first ones?" Paul asks, looking a little confused.

Nico sends him an odd look, obviously wondering if the vampire is joking.

"My clothes were destroyed when I transformed."

"You transformed?!" Paul exclaims, going wide-eyed as he looks over the huge werewolf.

"It was the only way either of us would be fast enough." Dwayne cuts in, groaning as he pulls a bullet out of his shoulder with his fingers.

"Oh, right." His friend nods, going to the brunette's side to offer his aid.

Across from us, Nico roughly yanks out the crossbow bolt, growling as he does so, pulling on a shirt that is much too small for him after, knowing that the wounds will heal themselves in a little while. Once done, he moves to sit on a sofa nearby, only to come and help me up when I gesture to him that I'd like to join him. Carrying me over to the sofa, the werewolf sits down with me, placing me beside him as he leans back, clearly tired.

Tired now, I watch as Paul helps Dwayne with his injuries, the two vampires talking quietly amongst each other, clearly worried about David and Marko, who are most likely still running from the Hunters back at the cave, the two of them in great danger. Unconsciously, I let my head drop onto Nico's shoulder, my eyelids starting to droop as I start to give in to the sleep I've been fighting off all night, the perpetual warmth from his body soothing and calming to me, his arm coming up to support me as he carefully manoeuvres us so that he's lying back against the arm of the sofa, my body resting on his. In this new position I quickly feel myself start to lose consciousness, my muscles finally relaxing as I let myself fall asleep.

Part Fourteen

#the lost boys #joel schumacher #vampire #david(thelostboys)#kiefer sutherland #paul(the lost boys)#dwayne(the lost boys)#santa carla #marko(the lost boys)#star(the lost boys)

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crazy-fan-girl-c137 · 5 years ago

Text

Happy Birthday (Connor x Reader)

Note: So, I decided to also write a very short, one shot fanfic from DBH fandom because I've been obsessing with it AGAIN. Thank to DE. Haha! Anyway, I had this idea because it's my birthday and that inspired to write this short fic.

To anyone who's also celebrating their birthday today...HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 🎉🎈🎂♥

P.S. Sorry for the bad grammar. English isn't my mother tongue. Also, I am not a writer. I'm an artist. I draw and design stuff. I just really like writing. 😂😂😂

Pairing: Connor x Reader

Word Count: 1,879

Also: L/N = Last Name and N/N = Nickname

It's your birthday. But to you, it's just like any ordinary day.

You never told anyone your birthday because you never celebrated it. Not because you hated it, or you're trying to get out of the responsibility of treating your friends for a drink or something. It's just that, you didn't see the point of occasionally celebrating it.

And it wasn't just your birthday that you don't celebrate, even the holidays.

So, despite it being your birthday, you treated the day just like any other work day. Besides, you were too busy finishing all your reports that's due that day. You didn't have time to get distracted because you didn't want Fowler yelling at you again.

It was already late at night. You, and a few other people were the only ones left at the precinct. You just finished typing the last report of the day when someone suddenly tapped your shoulders.

You flinched in shock before you turned your chair to see who it was. "Connor?"

Connor stood in front of you, a large box on his arms. "Happy birthday, detective L/N!"

You stared at him, blinking a few times. You were dumbfounded. "How did you- nevermind." You cut yourself off, reminding yourself that Connor still is an android, despite him turning into a deviant. He probably got that information from your profile.

"Here, open it." He urged like a child excited for their Christmas present, as he handed you the large box.

Despite your tiredness and sleepiness, as soon as you opened the box, you're face lit up. "You didn't." You told him as you pulled out a German Shepherd puppy from the box. "Connor…"

"I've noticed that you always volunteer to look after Sumo when Hank and I are away. And you always stop on your tracks to pet a dog when you're walking outside. I also saw on your social media accounts that you used to have a German Shepherd named Max when you were 12 years old." Connor informed.

"Wow." You chuckled. "You really did your research."

"I wanted to give you the perfect gift."

You almost blushed at his statement. You've been attracted to him ever since you started working as a detective. But you never acknowledge it because you wanted to focus on your work.

But lately, he had been acting kinder and sweeter to you, which makes it difficult for you to ignore you feelings. It makes you wonder…does Connor like me too?

"This is perfect. Thank you, Connor." You replied, giving him a genuine smile.

He stared at you for a few seconds, his LED flickering to yellow, before he finally spoke. "You're welcome, Detective L/N."

"I told you. Just call me N/N."

"N/N." He repeated, the corner of his lips forming a small smile. "What would you name your dog?" He curiously asked.

"I'm not sure yet. Why don't you name it?" You suggested.

You watched as Connor's LED flickered to yellow once more, then back to blue. "What about Happy?"

"Happy." You smiled. "Why Happy?"

"Because I noticed how your mood improved when you saw him. You were happy. He makes you happy."

"You make me happy, Connor." You replied. But your eyes immediately widened as soon as you realized what you just said. "I-I mean-" You stuttered, trying to make your situation less awkward.

But Connor had cut you off. "Seeing you happy makes me happy." He replied with a smile. A real, humanly smile.

And it made your heart flutter as your cheeks finally blush.

"Where's Hank?" You asked, trying to hide your blush as you cradled the puppy on your arms.

Connor's eyes widened as if he was just reminded of something. "Let's go to Jimmy's Bar."

"What?" You looked at him with a confused expression on your face.

"It's your birthday, we should celebrate."

You told Connor that you still had to finalize your reports, but he insisted on waiting for you. You didn't want to bother his precious time, so you tried to reason. But after several attempts, and him bring stubborn, you finally gave up.

It only took you about 30 minutes before you finished finalizing your reports and sending it to Fowler. You and Connor finally left the precinct after that, and drove to Jimmy's Bar using your car. You didn't expect anything from there, except maybe having a drink with Connor, even though he's incapable of it.

But when both of you got there, you were surprised to see a crowd of people greeting you; All your close friends at the precinct was present.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" They all yelled as soon as you walked in.

"What…" You were at a loss for words. You were astonished. You never thought this would ever happened to you.

"What? You think you can just go home and not celebrate your own birthday?" Hank teased.

"How did…"

"Connor told us."

You turned to Connor, and he had the goofiest grin on his face. You felt your heart flutter once again, another blush creeping into your cheeks.

Everyone greeted you, coming up to you one by one, and presenting you their own gifts. You almost cried. You never had a birthday party as an adult. The last birthday party you had was when you were still little. You didn't even expect anyone would be throwing a party for you.

And just like a normal birthday party, they had a cake prepared for you to make a wish on as they sing Happy Birthday.

You spend the whole night chatting and laughing with your friends, while drinking beers and sharing the large cake they bought for you. And finally, after a few hours of partying, everyone started to go home, wishing one last happy birthday.

It is work night anyways.

It came to a point where it was only you, Hank, Connor and Jimmy was left at the bar.

"Alright. I think I've had enough for the night." Hank announced, standing up from his seat while taking one last sip at his drink.

"Is Connor going to drive you home?" You asked as you walk him out of the bar. Of course, you were concerned for him. He's like a father figure to you. Just like he is to Connor.

"Kid. I always drive home drunk." He replied confidently, making you chuckle. "Where is that android anyway?"

"I think he's discussing something with Jimmy." You replied, pointing back at the bar.

"So, he got you the dog eh?" He asked, scratching the ears of the puppy that you were cradling on your arms.

"Yeah." You smiled, looking down at Happy, a faint blush appearing on your cheeks as it reminded you of earlier events.

"You know, this was all Connor's idea." Hank suddenly said, making you snap your head at him.

Your eyes widened as you stared. "What?" You asked in disbelief.

You thought it was like a group idea. Like all your friends gathered up to make this party happen. You didn't know this was all Connor's.

"He organized all of this. Even paid for everything. Lover boy's got it hard for you." Hank chuckled.

Before you could say anything, Connor came out of the bar, approaching you and Hank.

"Hey, Connor. I was just about to leave." Hank greeted.

"Okay." He nodded. "Is everything alright, N/N?" He asked in concern as he noticed you staring at him with a surprised expression written all over your face.

"I-I'm fine." You replied after a few seconds.

"She's just tired." Hank added, helping you out on your situation. "Get her home safe, will you?"

"Sure, Hank." Connor nodded.

"Alright. I'll see you kids tomorrow. Good night." Hank waved both of you good night as he walked to his car.

"Good night."

"Did you like your gift, N/N?" Connor curiously asked as he drove you back to your place.

"I love it." You replied, smiling at him. "Thank you for tonight, Connor."

"You're welcome, N/N."

It wasn't a long ride to your home. You and Connor spent the rest of it in comfortable silence as you listen to whatever was on the radio. And finally, after 15 minutes, you arrived.

Connor walked you to your front door, helping you carry all the gifts you recieved from your friends.

But before you unlock the door, you turned to him and asked, "Why did you do this? I mean, I appreciate it so much. I'm just curious because no one ever done this for me before."

Connor placed down the gifts he was carrying. He didn't respond immediately though. He just stared at you for a while as if he was in deep thought. You watched as his LED turned from blue to yellow and then back to blue.

"Connor?" You asked.

And finally, he replied, "When you first came to the precinct, the moment I first saw you, I felt something that I didn't understand. It was a knew feeling that I've never felt before. I found myself constantly wanting your company, and wanting to make you smile. And when I asked Hank about it, he explained to me that what I was feeling is love. I asked him what love is for a human and he explained it to me. But, it was still a little confusing to me that time, that's why I never said anything to you.

When I found out that it's your birthday, I knew I had to do something special for you. Because that's how humans do it, and because you're special…to me. Then earlier this morning, I realized what Hank was telling me before about love. I now understood what he meant. That's why I knew I have to finally tell you that…I love you."

You felt your heart bursted inside your chest. An overwhelming excitement and happiness filled your emotions. You couldn't help but pull Connor into a kiss. You felt his lips on yours. It was cold but soft.

He didn't move for a few seconds, and you thought he had short circuited. You noticed the light from his LED turning yellow, to red, to yellow, and back to blue. But when you were about to pull from the kiss, his hands slowly snaked it's way from your waist to your back. He pulled you closer to him, deepening the kiss as he finally responded back.

You felt like you were in the old movies. Fireworks exploded inside you. Your heart beat fast and your stomach turned into a knot. His lips was soft against yours, like a delicate butterfly fluttering its wings. It wasn't like anything you felt before.

After a while, you pulled back to catch your breath. A smile creeped on both your faces as you rested your forehead on his.

"Humans said that the first kiss is the best kiss. And I strongly agree with that." He told you, making you chuckle.

"Is this your first kiss ever?" You asked, lightly pulling your face away to take a better look at him.

"It is."

"Well," You replied, planting another soft kiss on his. "it's not going to be the only kiss."

He looked at you, his eyebrows furrowed, LED turning yellow. "What do you mean?" He curiously asked.

"I love you too, Connor."

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iustories · 4 years ago

Text

The Visitor

IU x Kim Soohyun

Jieun’s POV

Of all the places, I met you here. It's out of the ordinary I'd say, but I knew one day we'll see each other here. Little by little, everything faded before my eyes and I only saw you. You met my gaze with the same warmth and I clearly remembered the last time you looked at me similarly. When was that again? How long has it been since? I could tell you I lost count, but that would be a lie and I'm certain you'd immediately catch it before I even finish my sentence because you know everything about me, except for the part that I loved you I guess.

Loved? Should I be speaking in past tense? Do I still have the same fire burning in my chest? Sometimes I'm confused.

I approached you with caution as I always do, afraid to look eager, but I may give myself away when I smile a tad wider than usual. It can't be helped since you bring it out of me effortlessly and I'm a fool for giving in every damn time. But what is to be terrified about? This strange place will forget me, you, us, and whatever will happen, right? So I'll take my chances.

You rose to your feet with such grace and met me in the middle then pulled me into a tight hug. Ah, it feels like home. It feels like you. Seconds passed and I am still in your arms. I didn't detect any intention of you wanting to let go and it was my cue to allow myself to enjoy this freely. Was I always guilty when you're too close before? Now please don't break free. I promise I won't push you away this time. I'll make you stay.

There were no words spoken, just hearts beating in the same rhythm, speaking things that could not be explained if said.

"I missed you," you whispered, your soft breath tickling my ear.

If it weren't for this place, I would be hesitant to say it back, but since we're here let me just be honest. I'm sorry I had to mask my affection with dry humor. It was the only way I could tell you without actually telling you. "I missed you too. How have you been?"

Of course I'm aware that you're doing fine. You've been busy exploring new activities and having fun with your family. I check up on you from time to time. Despite what happened between us, I still genuinely care for you. "I'm good. And you?"

I was still engulfed in your embrace and if we talk for hours in this position, I wouldn't complain. "I'm okay too. I've been doing things here and there. Nothing really special, but yeah I'm okay."

I still can't conjure coherent sentences without feeling anxious. I mean, being around you still makes me nervous even in this place where nobody knows us.

You finally separated yourself from me, your hands traveling from my back towards my arms. You gripped them firmly then smiled at me, evidently delighted by my sudden appearance, like you've been waiting for me to come.

"Let's sit?" You casually asked and I nodded in response. You dragged me to the couch and motioned your hand, telling me to sit.

"What do you want to watch?" You asked, your eyes directing me to the screen. I turned to your laptop and scanned the selection. Seeing the titles brought a small smile on my lips because it just proves that it's you. Those movies and shows are your favorite. Now I'm sure this is all real.

I pointed at medical drama that you were raving about years ago. When you told me about it for the first time, I gave you a funny look because I didn't perceive you as a sentimental person.

"Good choice," you approved, your lips curving into a satisfied smile as you clicked on the show.

Do we have all the time in the world to watch shows? Can we settle some things first? I don't know how much time we have, so for the sake of my sanity, can we talk? But like in the past, my requests refused to leave my lips because your pleasure is much important than mine. I couldn't help it you know—putting you first. It's ridiculous, yes. But this is how I loved you.

Loved. There it is again. That word. It weighs heavily on me, waking the feelings I've come to abandon over the years as my hope dwindled. Can that word not ring in my head when I look at you? It's really bothersome and I can't focus on the present.

There was a considerable amount of space between us which actually disappointed me since we were always skin to skin. Have we fallen apart completely? Have we created boundaries? A while ago I thought we were back on track.

You must have heard my thoughts because you gradually moved closer until your arm was lightly touching mine and at the initial contact, I almost flinched and had to hold the gasp that was about to escape my lips. It amazes me how you still affect me with such intensity after all these years. I felt you arm hover over my neck and it found its way around my shoulder, causing me to freeze. You quietly tugged me towards you, urging me to relax and be comfortable, so I did. The loud beating of my heart deliberately subsided when you began patting my arm repeatedly. I eased my mind and I ran back to the things I used to do when I'm with you—placing my head on your chest and my arm around your belly.

And here I am again wishing this moment would never end, but I already tried it a couple of times in the past yet we were still separated by fate in the end.

"Jieun-ah," You called my name tenderly.

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to tell me anything?" You asked with a mellow tone, coaxing me.

"Like what?"

"Just anything. Maybe things I don't know?" There uncertainty in your voice, but I heard conviction as well.

Now I wonder if you've known all along. It's not impossible though since people talk and rumors spread quite fast.

Should I be honest or should I lie? Isn't this what I've been imagining—you asking me if I had something to say?

"I won't be mad. Whatever it is just tell me," you reassured me.

I let silence prevail, thinking hard if I should just say the truth. This is the redo that I prayed for, so letting this pass would be another dumb mistake.

"Do you know that I love you?"

Should I have said 'loved'? Which one is appropriate? And why am I answering you with a question? God damn it.

It was your turn to fall silent and tension immediately rose as you let seconds pass. "I know. I've always known."

My heart leaped as a mix of anxiety, fear, and excitement played inside my system. "Really?"

"I could see from the way you looked at me," You explained simply then paused.

"And I looked at you the same, but you never saw it, right?"

I processed your words carefully, afraid I might have gotten the wrong idea, but you interrupted my train of thoughts when you added, "We wouldn't be talking about this if you noticed. I loved you too."

"But things went downhill, didn't it?" I asked, trying to comfort myself from the missed opportunity by blaming it on fate and circumstances.

"It did," you affirmed. "But we could have tried."

"Would you have chosen me?"

You sighed then tightened your hold on me. "Yeah. I would have. Without a doubt."

"So we both ended up being alone after all that," I said chuckling, attempting to dismiss the ache growing inside my chest as regrets threaten to break loose at the gates of my mind.

"I talked a lot about you—no, all I talked about was you." I felt you shake your head, your chin brushing against the top of my head a few times. "I couldn't tell you too so I told other people."

"What were we so afraid of?" I asked, hoping that you had an answer. If we loved each other then, what was stopping us?

"Hurting others? We thought of them first before us."

Right. I almost forgot. Other people. We weren't selfish enough to take it to another level because of others or rather this person we both held close to our hearts. Our friend.

"Did we do the right thing?" I'm desperately seeking reprieve because I am being chased by the consequences of that decision.

"Yeah, I think we did," you answered as you peeked at my face and I wasn't quick enough to hide the sadness that was etched on it. "I'm sorry, Jieun-ah. I know I gave you a hard time. I know you've been waiting."

I bit my lip to control its trembling. The show continues to play on the screen, but it only served as the noise that filled the void when we fail to answer quickly.

"But doing the right thing doesn't always make us happy," you continued. "So are you happy now?"

I parted my lips yet nothing came out. Am I really happy without you? Am I truly resigned to the future I have in mind?

"Am I?" I stroked my chin as if I was really thinking of it, but in all honesty, I couldn't get myself to do it because I'm scared to know the answer.

You chuckled then ran your fingers down the length of my hair and I instinctively shut my eyes as the calming sensation of your touch registered. "I may be doing great, but I couldn't say I'm entirely happy."

Your answer surprised me. Even though you've confessed your feelings just a while ago, I couldn't wrap my head around it yet. How can I? I imagined hearing those words from you for quite a long time until I gave up, therefore everything may be happening inside my head.

"Me too." I was suddenly feeling hopeful since we are in another place. We were just two people who met unexpectedly so maybe this time I can fulfill my wishes. "So can we start again? If we aren't happy after what we've done, can we do what we want this time?"

You sighed again. What is it with the heavy sighs and the tone you've been using? Isn't this supposed to be a do-over, the clean slate that we both wanted? There isn't anyone who could hold us back anymore.

"I'm afraid we can't," you replied in a regretful tone.

You are so good at putting the pieces of my heart back together and breaking it right after. Hasn't this happened countless times already? Aren't you tired of hurting me?

"Why? What is our excuse this time?" I asked, my jaw clenching.

"We just can't."

"At least give me something I can understand. This is too much."

You kissed the top of my head. "This is not real, Jieun-ah"

"It is! What are you saying?"

"You know from the start this isn't real," you pressed further.

I gulped hard, my breathing becoming shallow and rapid. "Do we have to do this again?"

How many times do I have to lose you? How many times do you have to come back and remind me that you are not mine? You've been consistent at that and that's why I couldn't let you go that easily.

"Yes. We must go our separate ways again. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. But I'm glad I saw you here."

Just as tears trickled down my face, my eyes fluttered open. My heart was pounding erratically against my chest as your voice echoed repeatedly in my brain. I'm glad I met you here. I felt the wetness of my pillow and realized that I shed some tears while I was asleep.

You, my frequent visitor, the person of my dreams, came to make your presence felt again. Indeed, you know when to remind me of you when I start to forget.

#stories

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xxisxxisxxis · 5 years ago

Text

Gateway Drug | Part Thirty-Eight

Table of Content or Part Thirty-Seven

Read here on wattpad

A/N: Question — what song do you think of when you think of Nikki and Viv? I'm trying to see something

Word count: 3.3k

Warning(s): Explicit language, Sexual situations, Drug abuse

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My bare feet hook underneath his thighs the second I realize he's about to finish and he gives a crooked smirk up at me, his breathing beginning to shallow.

Nikki holds my hips still, groaning out as his cum coats the inside of me, causing me to let out a hazey moan, my mind cloudy from our rather lengthy round.

Once he's finished, I'm getting off of him and falling beside him, catching my breath as we recover is silence fore several minutes.

"Are you on birth control or something?" He asks me out of nowhere and I tense up, looking at him.

"Why're you asking?"

"I've been thinking about it since Vince and Sharise had Skylar, for some reason. I mean, I haven't used a rubber since we started dating and most of the time I don't pull out, and we've only had one pregnancy scare in the past, what, like, four years?"

"You've managed to keep track of how long we've been together?" I ask him, pretending to be shocked and he gently hits my arm with the back of his hand, and I chuckle, rolling over to face him, my lips pressing to his bicep for a moment.

I think I'm in the clear, dodging his question, but I'm not.

"I'm being serious, Viv, are you on something or...?" He asks and I lick my lips.

"Maybe my antidepressant affects fertility, I don't know." I shrug, lying through my teeth. "Drugs can cause issues on your end, too, so maybe that's another reason."

"Oh." He replies.

I avoid looking at him, sitting up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed before reaching down to grab his shirt by my feet.

You know those lies, that start simple and small, and then snowball more and more over time and explode in flames from hell that melt the snow and turn it into scalding hot water that leaves third-degree burns on the person that's being lied to? Yeah, we both had lots of those, and that was one of mine.

take a shower and brush my teeth, excited for my plans tonight, and as I start putting makeup up on, Nikki's getting in the shower.

"Are you and Robin going out tonight?" I ask him.

"Uh, yeah. Sparkie's coming, too." He replies and I roll my eyes.

I know they'll go out to a club and hide in the bathroom, shooting up and snorting blow a majority of the time, only leaving to get some drinks.

"My doctor was really curious as to why I needed a refill so soon being that he gave me a month supply a week before Sparkie traded it." I comment to remind him Sparkie's a piece of shit.

"Sparkie learned his lesson, baby." He tells me in a half-chuckle and I raise my brows at myself in the mirror and turn the sink on.

"Jesus fuck, Viv!" He screams, being bombarded with ice cold water for a moment.

"Awe, I'm sorry, maybe Sparkie can sympathize with you." I reply smartly.

He's getting out of the shower, covered in suds, glaring at me, and I take off running with him chasing close behind.

"Spoiled brat!" He calls at me, the both of us naked as jaybirds.

"Trader bastard!" I say back, right before he catches me, pulling me against his wet, soapy body, his hands not skipping a moment to start tickling me.

I squeal, the both of us falling to the floor, my feet and legs kicking out of instinct.

"Don't you do it." He threatens. "Remember what happened last time."

"Not my fault you're a pussy." I reply, immediately regretting it when he starts tickling me again, this time, getting on top of me to pin me down.

He doesn't let up until I'm laughing so hard I'm in tears, and he's tired of struggling with me.

We look at each other for a minute, before he grins and kisses me.

"I gotta finish getting ready." He tells me, getting off of me and helping me up.

"Yeah, I do, too."

I decided a nice trip to Malibu would be a great thing for GN'R. I mean, go to Tansy's house there, have her invite over some of her single girl friends to mingle with the guys, stay over night so they don't have to worry about whether or not they'd be able to crash at their stripper friends' apartment and sleep on the floor that night, have a nice breakfast together the next morning, and just give Axl and Izzy time to really get to know Tansy, because they haven't hung out with her very much, while Slash, Duff and Steven see her almost more than I do.

I glance around the living room of Tansy's Malibu beach house, seeing beach bunnies all around with perfectly tanned skin, bombshell hair and perfect smiles, then look at Steven and Slash, who seem to be having a pretty good time.

They both look like they're in heaven, girls on either side of them, obviously fans of their work on the Sunset Strip back in L.A.

Izzy took a girl up to the guest bedroom long ago, while Axl's just nursing a bottle of Jack, with a beautiful brunette chattering his ear off while he's pretending not to care about what Tansy's doing as she talks to one of her girl friends across the room.

I do a mental head count, and notice my 6'4 blonde is nowhere to be seen.

Maybe he found a girl or two of his own and followed in Izzy's footsteps, taking over a spare room?

I brush it off, deciding it's none of my business and step to the kitchen to grab a Pepsi out of the fridge.

When I pass by the doors that lead to the balcony over looking the ocean, though, I see the outline of someone sitting in the lounge chair.

Recognizing the slender frame, I grab my soda and head outside, Duff looking over his shoulder to see who I am, before smiling at me innocently, bottle of Vodka by his foot and pack of Marlboros on one knee as a sketch pad and pen are being supported by his other.

"Hi." I say as he scoots over to make room for me. "Mr. Social Butterfly." I add, sarcastically.

"Hey." He replies, moving his Vodka over so I won't knock it down with my foot.

"I figured you be eating that up." I motion to the door, referring to the gorgeous girls inside and he chuckles a little.

"I don't know, I haven't really been feeling chicks lately." He tells me and I furrow my brows a little.

"Well, I'm sure she has some boy friends, too, if you're feeling something different." I inform him, knowing what he meant, but he laughs and shakes his head.

"Not like that, Viv." He tells me and I pull my red hair behind my shoulders to get it out of my face, before taking a sip of my drink. "I've been, uh, working on something new, kinda. The lyrics have been going off left and right in my head, I just thought I'd better get somewhere quiet and write them down before I lose them." He explains, holding up his notepad.

"Oh, I'm sorry." I feel like I've intruded, or messed up his groove, about to leave him alone to finish but he puts his hand on my knee to stop me from standing up.

"No, no, it's fine." He insists, taking his hand off of me, not thinking anything of it, despite me feeling warmth radiate from where he touched me.

I ignore it.

"I've already gotten everything I had in mind, so far." He explains. "Just a verse and chorus."

"What's the name of it?" I ask, and he scratches the back of his neck.

"I don't know if I need to tell you. I'm superstitious about this stuff, Viv." He tells me, even though he's completely full of shit.

He just wants to aggravate me.

"It's just the title, Duff. You let me hear you say 'turn around, bitch, I gotta use for you' and this can't be worse than that." I point out and he chuckles, licking his lips before looking at me.

His hand covers the lyrics, exposing the title line of the page.

"Paradise City" is scribbled in his writing and I smile when he moves his hand and let's me read the chorus, and verse that he's gotten so far, a giant smile pulling at my lips.

"Who the hell inspired this?" I ask him, raising my brows.

"Nobody particular." He shrugs. "You like it?"

"I already love it." I tell him.

Not to compare two completely different bands who earned their names all on their own, but there are a few song parallels between Guns N' Rose's Appetite for Destruction, and Mötley Crüe's Girls, Girls, Girls albums.

Guns' Welcome to the Jungle was like Mötley's Wild Side. Paradise City was like Girls, Girls, Girls. Mr. Brownstone was like Dancing on Glass. But my favorite parallel has to be Sweet Child O Mine and You're All I Need.

I remember Nikki had given me a tape of You're All I Need after we got into a massive argument because he thought I was spending too much time with Duff. But he had practically accused me of having feelings for Duff, and even acting on them (which was pretty hypocritical being that he'd been screwing Vanity since 1986 at that point.)

A few weeks later, Nikki convinced me to come down to the studio so he could personally give me a copy of a song he had written me, and me--being excited--decided I wanted the guys to hear it, too.

I went to the Franklin Plaza where Steven, Duff, Slash, Izzy and Axl were hanging out, discussing a meeting they'd had with their label.

When I told them Nikki wrote a love song about me (thinking it was his way of trying to patch up our marriage and say to the world "I love this woman") the guys had to hear it, not believing me.

The ballad started beautifully, tears coming to my eyes, but my warmed heart quickly began boiling in my chest by the time the second chorus ended.

"I don't think this is a love song." Izzy stated, while shaking his head a little.

"Yeah, uh...he's talking about killing you." Axl had told me, everyone seemed slightly disturbed.

"Your girlfriends get Sweet Child O Mine and what does the dedicated wife that has done nothing but love this sick bastard get?! A song dedicated to his deep desire to murder me!"

"Dude, hasn't he actually tried to kill you before?" Steven asked.

Which made the song even more ironic, along with the last line of the chorus, "and I loved you but you didn't love me" which in itself was slap in the fucking face.

I didn't hear the full song at that time because Duff had took it out of the player and stomped it under his cowboy boot.

That pretty much set the tone for the months to come.

"You're also incredibly biased." He replies in the same tone and I nudge him with my elbow.

"You don't know how many songs I have actually had to tear out of Nikki's hand and hide them from him because they were so bad I just could not allow them to be recorded." I tell him.

"Oh, please." He brushes me off.

"Have you heard 'Theater of Pain'?" I ask him with raised brows.

"Yeah."

"Home Sweet Home and Smokin' in the Boy's Room were the only really good ones. And Smokin' in the Boy's Room was a cover. The other songs were songs I didn't know were written, or I would have hid them from him, too." I state and he tries not to laugh, but fails, making himself snort, which kickstarts my laughter.

Once we settle down, he clears his throat, and gets a kind of serious expression on his face.

"I really wish he wasn't on that shit, Viv." He tells me and I don't even have to ask who he's talking about. "I mean, I'm not judging him or whatever because Izzy and Slash are in on that stuff, too, but...I just hate to see he's on it, because it's kinda hard to manage it once you hit a certain point, ya know?" He asks and I nod a little. "I think he's a pretty cool guy...so it sucks to see him act like that."

"It's not that bad, right now." I tell him, completely in denial. "He's still Nikki, he just does stuff he's not suppose to. That's nothing new to me."

"I'm just a little worried, is all." He admits.

"There's no need to be." I reassure him. "He's got a handle on things."

Dear God did I eat those words a week later in Dallas, Texas.

It's like watching a fucking car accident.

Except instead of a car, it's my husband, and instead of a car accident, it's him losing his ever loving mind, crouched on the hotel room desk, as he babbles on, making absolutely no sense as he shouts at his parents who aren't even present.

I just came back from the pool, got a shower, and came in to him doing this.

"Nikki!" I try to get him out of whatever drug-induced show he's on.

"I'm not me! I'm not Nikki! I'm someone else!" He insists, hands yanking at his hair, his eyes completely taken over by an entirely different beast.

I panic, immediately calling Fred.

"The fuck is wrong?!" He asks when I open the door, hearing Nikki's screaming and carrying on and I try to keep the absolute fear that's locking up my system from showing.

"I-I don't know. I got in from the pool and he was kinda jittery but I thought he'd done some blow, but then he started screaming when I was in the shower and now he's--"

Fred gets tired of hearing Nikki's meaningless shrieks at people who aren't in the room with us, and snatches him off the desk.

Nikki hits the floor, and a switch is flipped, sending him into strong convulsions, opting thick, white foam to pour from his mouth.

"Fuck, Sixx!" Fred lets out, turning him on his side. "Get me a roll of toilet-paper." He barks at me and I do as I'm told, saying a very colorful, silent prayer in my head.

He tries to get Nikki to bite down on it to keep him from biting his tongue, but Nikki can't do it. screaming instead.

When I think I can't take the confused, scared, out-of-character shrill, it's like God himself knocks Nikki out, leaving Fred and I in complete silence, riddled with what just happened.

Fred checks his pulse and sighs in relief, looking at me.

"Viv, are you alright?" He asks me, taking deep breaths.

"Y-yeah." I say, nodding, even though I know it's written all over my face that I can't be further from "alright."

"Vivian--"

"I just need a second." I tell him, standing up to go to the bathroom, disguising oncoming tears in a strong, steady voice that's physically uncomfortable to push past the lump in my throat.

I lock myself inside the bathroom and turn the water back on, gripping the counter before I find myself in the floor, quiet sobs rocking through me.

I just want my Nikki back...not this tainted demon nesting himself in Nikki's skin, festering his bullshit in Nikki's mind.

By the time I'm worn down from crying, and tired from lying on the bathroom floor, I pull myself up and open the bathroom door, stepping into the room.

I guess Fred put Nikki in the bed before he left, because Nikki's still passed out, just tucked in the covers.

I get pajamas on, scared to even touch him because I don't want him to start seizing again.

Cautiously getting closer to him, nestling my forehead against his arm, I thank God for the feeling of his pulse under my finger tips in the crook of his arm, and find myself passing out with utter exhaustion.

The next morning, Nikki's really quiet.

I'm not sure if he remembers what happened last night, but I'm not asking him.

After finding a needle and evidence of an 8-ball of coke, he can lick my twat if he thinks I'm talking to him anytime soon.

The video shoot for Home Sweet Home is happening today, and a limo picks Nikki and I up at the hotel, driving us to the venue, neither of us acknowledging the other.

Once we get there, someone's dressing Nikki like a damn toddler, because he's too fucked from last night to dress himself in his done up stage costume.

Nikki was so, so, so, obviously, utterly fucked up when they filmed the music video for Home Sweet Home.

The entire time, he was chugging Jack to try to calm himself down from a high he later described felt like, "being on acid and speed at the same time" and with the way he was acting like he couldn't see a damn thing, I believe it.

He kept sunglasses on a majority of the time so people couldn't see how his eye were practically doing cartwheels.

"Viv, we're about to start, where's Nikki?" His bass tech asks me and I glance around, furrowing my brows a little.

"I haven't seen in him about an hour. He went over there by the stage...at least I think he did." I tell him, stepping over to the last place I saw him. "He was here and..." I trail off, hearing Nikki having a full blown conversation, his voice coming from underneath the stage.

The two of us sit and listen for a moment, realizing Nikki's just talking, taking long pauses, then answering a question that was never asked by anybody, not even himself.

"Who is he talking to?" His tech asks me under his breath so Nikki won't hear.

I roll my jaw, getting fed up.

"Probably the fucking demon he sees and befriends every time he gets high." I state, fully believing that at this point, there is indeed a demon following him around, breathing down his neck, stripping him of his control and cheering him on with each grain of coke, bottle of Jack, cc of heroin and prescription-grade pill.

"Nikki," His tech starts. "Who're you talking to?"

"I'm talking. Leave me alone." Nikki argues.

"Nikki." I state, looking at him.

It's the first time he's heard my voice all day.

"There's nobody there, baby. C'mon." I motion my hand for him to get out from under the stage.

"Leave me alone!" He snaps at me, nearly hissing.

"Dude, calm down, you're freaking out." His tech tells him.

"Nikki, get your ass out from under there or so help me God, I will come in and drag you out by your dick." I promise him.

He puffs up like a pissed off rooster and stomps out, passing by us, grumbling under his breath.

Do you wanna know what was really fucked up about that time? Vince couldn't have a beer without someone losing their mind. He was supposed to be sober. Nikki would bust Vince's balls if he even saw him looking at a bottle...but then Nikki would load anything and everything into his body, simultaneously.

Vince quickly became the odd man out, and had been ever since that night with Razzle. There was this vibe, this tension, that Vince was only kept in the band at that time, because they were getting hotter and hotter, and each member was the ticket to reach their full potential as a band. Each member was important.

Without Tommy, there was no band. Without Mick, there was no band. Without Nikki, there was no band.

And without Vince, there was no band...that was the one that really didn't sit too well with Sikki.

#nikki sixx #vince neil #mick mars #tommy lee #mötley crüe #the dirt

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daedriclorde · 4 years ago

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Im so impressed with what you wrote for the ask i sent before, that I've come back for seconds 😅😂 take your time with this, no need to rush to write it. 8,11,20,30 sincerely, a new fangirl 😂

I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK THIS LONG

I split this into two different fics. The first is for Assassination and Meeting; the second is for Willpower and Temple. If you don’t know, Aerisif and Kjolti are the same person, just different names for different stages of my Dragonborn’s life!

Assassination; Meeting

The Bannered Mare had few patrons remaining at this hour. The large fire in the center of the hall burned perpetually, though only Rexus and a handful of others were gathered around it. Kjolti entered silently and unseen. The unrest that the appearance of a Dark Brotherhood assassin in Whiterun would cause could jeopardize her meeting. And what a meeting it shall be.

Moving within the rich shadows that flickered around the tavern, Kjolti slid next to Rexus, and almost imperceptibly, coughed. Rexus nearly jumped out of his skin and turned to look at the assassin, who gaped at her.

“Well I’ll be damned. We heard you were dead! Motierre’s in the back room, if you’ve got business.” Kjolti said nothing, but nodded and returned to the shadows. She slunk across the tavern to the room she had been in once before. The doors were easy enough to open and close in equal silence. Motierre sat in the dark, only a small candle by the bed illuminating the room. He had not even noticed Kjolti enter, such was her skill at stealth. She stood, choosing to be seen.

“Ah! You’re back!” Motierre exclaimed with equal parts joy and terror.

“Titus Mede II lies dead.” Kjolti’s voice was solemn and low.

“I know! I know! I received the news not moments ago! Ha HA! This is glorious! My friend, you may not realize it, but you have served the Empire, indeed, all of Tamriel, in ways you cannot possibly imagine.” Greed had replaced terror in Motierre’s visage. Kjolti did not like that.

“Ah, but you care little for politics, am I right? You want money! And money you shall have!” Motierre’s face was twisted with cruelty. “Your payment waits for you at a dead drop. It is inside an urn, in the very chamber where we first met, in Volunruud. Now please, go. Collect your money, and let us never look upon one another again. Our business, thank the gods, is concluded.” There was clear disgust in his tone.

How amusing, thought Kjolti. How much he despises me, my brethren, and yet, he is indebted to us.

“Your payment awaits. And don’t worry, I’m not stupid enough to betray you.”

Kjolti spoke up once more, her voice soft and dark. “Actually, Motierre, there is one more thing.”

He appeared disgruntled. “And what might that be?”

“Just a favor…for an honorable man.” Hidden beneath her cowl, Kjolti grinned a sinister smile.

“You assassins and your riddles. It really does get very annoying, you know. Now if you’ll excuse me…”

Kjolti politely inclined her head, already feeling the Blade of Woe itch for blood. She turned to the door and opened it, but slunk into the shadows and closed the doors again without leaving the room, but giving the impression she had. The assassin was too well suited for the shadows, too masterful a killer to be seen in the dim light of the small room. Motierre hummed happily to himself, no doubt already envisioning himself upon the Ruby Throne.

What a fool.

Kjolti slipped unseen to Motierre’s flank. She withdrew the Blade of Woe from its sheath, poised it over Motierre’s neck, and whispered to him.

“Hail. Sithis.”

She relished the look of fear in his eyes as she opened his neck.

Willpower; Temple;

They had been completely blindsided by the attack. The road was dark, the moon providing little light. Foolishly, they had ignored the rumors. They knew it had been unwise to travel at night, but they had their wisdom stripped from them, drunk on mead and victory.

The heist had been a complete success; the mark had been absent from their home that evening. Brynjolf, always better with the lockpicks than Aerisif, had unlocked the door for them in a heartbeat. Aerisif had sunk into the shadows, as no one could the way she did, and slipped through the house without a sound.

The trunk did not disappoint. It was teeming with gold and precious gems, family heirlooms and rare books. It was an excellent haul.

And so they celebrated. They didn’t dare so much as look at each other until they were outside the city walls, but once they had left range of the guards, they exploded with giddy pride.

But their celebrations were quickly dampened. A figure sprung on them from the darkness, eyes glowing red. Sinister necrotic magic emanated from their hands. The vampire rumors were indeed true.

Brynjolf unsheathed the sword he usually carried in a flash, and Aerisif’s daggers were drawn with equal speed. The vampire’s dark magic struck them both, draining them of their life force. Brynjolf charged the monster, and Aerisif’s daggers whirled.

By bad luck, Aerisif had been closer to the vampire when it emerged from the trees. It bore down on her first, with magic and fang. It seemed not to notice the gashes Aerisif opened in its’ chest, but continued to lunge forward with disturbing speed. Aerisif lashed out with steel in her hands and her eyes, but her energy was draining. The vampire was upon her.

Brynjolf watched with horror as it bit of her neck, its malevolent fangs breaking into her skin. He used this distraction to plunge his blade through the vampire’s chest, and watched with satisfaction as the monster crumbled. Aerisif slumped.

“Woah, woah, stay with me, lass,” he said as he grabbed her by the shoulders.

“That was…that was dumb of us,” Aerisif whispered. Her face was pale. “Do you have a cure disease potion? I think I sold my last one to Tonilia.”

“Aye, I’ve got one,” Brynjolf helped Aerisif to the ground so he could rummage through his pack. He grabbed the small glass vial and handed it to Aerisif.

She held up the bottle, squinting in the dim light. “This is just a minor healing potion, Brynjolf.”

He frowned. “No, it should be a cure disease potion. That’s what the man I stole it from was saying, at least.”

She shook her head. “It’s the wrong shade of red. Cure disease potions are darker, from the charred skeever hide.”

“Blast it,” Brynjolf cursed. He spat on the body of the vampire. “We have to get you to a temple, then.”

Aerisif was poorly hiding her fear. “But…we’re in the middle of nowhere, Brynjolf. It will be days until we get back to Riften. We don’t have…I don’t have a lot of time.”

“Then we’re going to have to be quick about it. Can you walk?”

Aerisif nodded faintly. Brynjolf extended a hand, which Aerisif took. She was grateful for the lack of moonlight, as it hid the flush that came to her cheeks from his touch.

The pair of thieves took off, much more cautiously this time. They moved at a slower pace, but hardly stopped. Long rests were out of the question; short naps were the better choice.

The first day since her bite passed, and they hadn’t covered nearly enough ground. Mid afternoon on the second day, they came across a lone farm. The farmer was nowhere in sight. Aerisif was looking paler and frailer, though she would not admit it.

“Stay here,” Brynjolf ordered.

“Why? Where are you going?”

“Just stay here.”

“Answer me, or I’ll follow.”

“Gods, Aerisif. I’m going to steal a horse for us to ride. We have to keep moving, and we aren’t going to make it on foot.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“No, lass. Normally I’d be grateful for your help, but, and no offense, right now your footfalls are as loud as a troll’s. Stay here.”

Aerisif opened her mouth to protest, but then closed it, to Brynjolf’s surprise. He had expected to have to go round and round with her.

“Fine. But don’t get caught.”

Brynjolf laughed as he walked away. “Get caught,” he muttered, shaking his head. “Like I would get caught.”

“Bastard is gonna get us both killed,” muttered Aerisif as Brynjolf walked away. But internally, against her better judgement, her heart fluttered.

With shocking ease, Brynjolf returned a few moments later with a gray mare who eyed them both with suspicion. She was munching on an apple, which Aerisif assumed Brynjolf stole to appease the mare.

“Up you go,” Brynjolf said as he lifted Aerisif into the saddle.

“What the—I can do it myself!” Aerisif argued weakly.

“No, you can’t. Let’s go.” He mounted the horse behind her and wrapped his arms around her. He was grateful she couldn’t see his cheeks turn a light rosy color.

“What, no lewd comments? No off-color quips?”

Brynjolf grinned. “Why, if that was what you were waiting for, lass, you should have said so.” He chuckled and leaned forward, whispering in her ear. “Don’t worry lass, that’s just my sword hilt pressing into the small of your back.”

Aerisif laughed. “That’s the Brynjolf I know.” The laughter seemed to exhaust her.

Brynjolf frowned. “Hold on tight. We’ve got to go.”

Now on horseback, the two made considerably better time. They rode nonstop through the rest of the day and night. The third day dawned, and still they were far from Riften.

Aerisif’s condition was worsening. She wouldn’t admit to it, not even with her dying breath, which Brynjolf feared he would witness. As the sun grew hotter on the third day, Aerisif was squinting and covering her eyes. Hours later, she was leaning forward in the saddle, draped across the mare’s neck.

“Stay with me, lass.” Brynjolf held the reins in one hand and wrapped the other around Aerisif’s waist. He was worried she would fall out of the saddle.

Dusk fell, and Brynjolf was worried. Aerisif was barely awake, often hallucinating.

“Maybe Mercer will be happy to have a vampire in the Guild,” she muttered sleepily. “I’ll be that much stronger at night.”

“I highly doubt that lass. Don’t worry. We’ll get you to the temple.”

Night fell. Aerisif was catatonic. Both were sore and tired from nearly a day and a half in the saddle. Brynjolf continued to push the mare, despite her indignation. Aerisif grew cold in Brynjolf’s arms. He had heard that those inflicted with the bite of a vampire died before undergoing their transformation. He urged the horse onward.

Finally, Riften came into sight. Brynjolf breathed a tense sigh of relief, but it was fragile. Without knowing exactly when she had been bitten, it was hard to tell how much time was left. The crescent moon was rising in the sky. Brynjolf dug his heels into the mare once more. The horse was foaming at the mouth from the exertion.

Arriving at the gates, Brynjolf leaped off and gently pulled Aerisif from the saddle. She slumped into his arms, unresponsive. Swiftly, he scooped her up into his arms, relishing the feeling.

“Stay with me, lass. Don’t fade away. You’re too strong.”

Brynjolf ordered the guards to open the gates with such command they didn’t even try to shake him down. He moved as fast as he could, trying not to jostle Aerisif. The streets of Riften were empty at this hour. He knew he was almost out of time.

“Maramal!” He roared at the temple doors. “Dinya! Open up!” Not daring to release Aerisif from his arms, he used his foot to kick the door. “Let us in!”

Moments later, a sleepy eyed Dinya opened the door. “What do you want, Brynjolf? This better not be a ruse.” Suspicion filled her sleepy eyes.

“She’s been bitten by a vampire. Nearly three days past. Please, you have to help her.”

“Come in, come in,” the priestess ushered him inside. “Set her here,” Dinya instructed.

Brynjolf gently lay her down before the shrine. Aerisif’s eyes had started to gently glow. Dinya knelt before her, praying to Mara. Brynjolf heard her speak but did not listen to the words. His focus was on Aerisif. Dinya placed her hands on Aerisif brow, and prayed more. Brynjolf held his breath.

Divine magic swirled around Aerisif. The color returned to her skin, and the ominous glow vanished from her eyes. She blinked and sat up, confused.

“We made it?” she asked Brynjolf.

He grinned. “You’ve got too much willpower to fade away. You’re far too stubborn. You’re cured, lass.” He heaved a sigh of relief, ignoring the sparks shooting off in his chest.

#skyrim fanfic #OC: aerisif/kjolti #KMDA #prompt fill #f!dragonborn x brynjolf #thieves guild #dark brotherhood

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idkhyuck · 5 years ago

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Fireflies- NCT DREAM Fanfic pt1

I couldn’t shake the happy, freeing feeling this song gave me. So here’s the result of that

Y/N Goes on a camping trip with her best friends to celebrate their last year as teenagers

DREAM OT6 !BestfriendREADER with hints of romances.No warnings other than swearing as it’s really fluffy. A/N I don’t really know the Dream Timeline too well yet so in this they’re idols and it includes things from their careers but I've kind of created my own timeline. I Kind of want to continue this if anyone likes it. Feedback is appreciated.

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“Are you sure this is all we’ll need?” I asked looking at Jaemin and Jeno loading up our cart with a few sleeping bags. They both turned to me and nodded

“My dad’s got some stuff in the garage I can use. We can spend more money on food this way.” Jaemin said confidently as he pushed the cart down the aisle “maybe we should grab this just in case.” he said reaching for a tarp. I sighed knowing we’d end up back in this aisle before we left the store. Jeno nodded and followed behind him grabbing a few packs of the rope. and followed him, I rolled my eyes and grabbed the tent pegs they both walked passed. I’m so excited they have the weekend off. We’re going camping to celebrate our last summer being teenagers. Chenle and Jisung still had a some time left but it wouldn’t be the same without them with us so we’re bringing them along. We continued our shopping trip. I spent most of my teenage years with these boys. I stuck with them all through their trainee days after meeting in middle school, They’re my best friends and will forever have my support.

“I need swim shorts!.” Jeno said freezing in place as he turned to look for a sign to tell him where to go, he was such a lost puppy at times. I grabbed him and pointed him in the right direction. We made our way to the men’s wear section. I felt the stares of the girls that passed as they watched me walk with them. I wondered if they knew who they were or if they were just amazed at the beauty of the two of them like I am continually. I’ll probably never end up dating any of them but that didn’t stop my heart from noticing how handsome they’ve gotten over the years. I’ve literally had a legit crush on all of them at least once in the past 7 years, except Jisung he’s my baby and he hates it. the worst was Haechan at 17. They all knew except Haechan and it drove me nuts. You know when you have a crush for so long and it just grows into a content love. That’s what I have with each of them. They’ve seen me at my worst, and vice versa. We grew up together basically and at the end of this year We’d be adults. Man times flies when you’re having fun. “My mom said yes to taking her van, she’ll be here with it later.” Chenle said as he walked into the practice room throwing his bag at me in the corner.

“hey!” I yelled as the bag landed a little too close to me with a thud,

“Oh. Hi.” he said indifferently as he started stretching. Haechan sat up laughing from across the room.

“Great to see you too.” I added sourly as I pulled his bag over and laid on it. We were supposed to leave for our camping trip after practice which is why I’m here so god damn early. Renjun walked in he looked so incredibly tired.

“Renjunie. did you even sleep?” I asked him as he sat on the floor beside me

“Kind of.” he said sheepishly meaning he was up all night playing games. I sighed as he changed his shoes beside me.

“You can sleep in the van on the way out.” I said as the staff came in to the room. They were filming a dance practice today. That would be fun to watch. I had all of my things for the weekend in a backpack. Jaemin and Jisung hauled all of our camping gear in here last night. The boys went on practicing hard for a little bit. the hours flew by fast as I watched them perfect the choreo enough to film it. They started filming takes for the video. After the first take chenle came over

“Call my mom please. She can bring the van now.” he said taking a sip of water before running back into formation. I went out into the hall to make my phone call. Chenle’s mom as already on her way with the van when I reached her. I thought I’d take this time to haul our stuff to the doors so it would be easy to load up. I started with the tent, I made a few trips back and forth. The guys at varying degree of choreography each time not even noticing me coming or going. I saw one of the execs in the lobby as I carried Mine and Jisung’s bag to my growing pile.

“Those boys treating you good?” he asked me. I nodded politely bowing. “Have fun this weekend.”

“Thank you.” I said. It was still so scary knowing that everyone here knew me. I’d pass other idols in the halls and they’d greet me like any other. Most people would die to be in my position and I thought about that often. Like they’re just 6 boys that became my friends. Mark and the other NCT boys too. Mark was gone on a work trip or else he’d be here camping with us. I missed him a lot, He’s always so busy, He’s such a hard worker. We barely saw any other the other boys. We were so busy with graduation and other things. The older boys were busy with tour prep and comeback scheduling.

“Wow!” Jisung said as he saw all the stuff loaded into the van. His hair freshly showered and extra soft looking. The smell of their shampoo radiating off of them as we all loaded into van.

“FOUR DAYS OFF!” Chenle yelled as he closed the door behind him and sat beside me. All the other boys started cheering. Jaemin started the van and we pulled out as Haechan sat in the passenger seat fixing the radio with the playlist he made just for this weekend.

“We have enough food?” Renjun asked as he settled in with the cooler between him and Jisung in the back seat. I was stuck in the middle between Chenle and Jeno.

‘Yeah. Me and my mom packed it all last night.” I said “There’s all kinds of good things in there.” I added. “As long as we have a fire. We’re set.” I said

“okay.” Renjun quietly said from behind me I didn’t even have to see I could already tell he was drifting off to sleep. I looked as we passed all familiar places in Seoul. Soon enough we’d be entering the country side. It was early afternoon. The sun high and shining brightly. I couldn’t wait to be at our campsite. I’m so glad that we get to be completely off the grid, no body guards, no staff, no cameras. Although I planned on taking tons of pictures and videos of our time together. The windows being open brought in just the right amount of breeze so we weren’t hot. Jeno was playing on his phone or responding to emails, he was always working. Chenle was listening to the music playing with his eyes closed. Haechan was texting on his phone. And Jaemin quietly sung along with the radio. Jisung and Renjun were passed out in the backseat, i could hear them both snoring softly. This was already so relaxing, I felt myself getting sleepy. I yawned and laid my head back. I felt jeno’s arm wrap around me “lean on me. you’ll be sore.” He said quietly

Jeno was my first crush out of all the boys I’ve ever known. He was tallest in our grade and strong and so so handsome. I couldn’t help but feel things for him. I hated myself for it. We were really good friends, and I wasn’t the only girl that had a crush on him. I WAS the only girl that got to see the real him. the soft boy who loved games and singing and dancing and sports. He was so passionate about his work, he worked so hard to get where he is. He’s kind of goofy despite being called NoJam and I loved that side of him. He looked so tough and hot but he was so soft and that’s what got me. This was pre-debut. I struggled to hide my feelings around him because I didn’t want him or anything between us to change. Or worse they’d think I only liked him because he was going to debut. I spent a whole year crushing on him and then I saw him one night late at the studio it was just us because he was my ride home. He was very frustrated with himself, There was new choreo he couldn’t get and and he’d been working for hours and we were supposed to go hang out at the river before we had to be home but we were already late. He misstepped and fell to the floor in frustration, I ran over and saw him slump over in defeat. He was so exhausted, they’d been working non stop since their debut a few months prior. I sat on the floor beside him.

“Hey. its okay.” i said trying to keep things bright. it was when I saw the tears fall to the floor as he refused to look up at me that I knew he wasn’t okay. “Hey no, Jeno.” I said reaching out to touch his arm. “You’ll get it. You have time.” I said trying my best to reassure him. “Lets go home. You’ve worked hard.” I said as I watched the tears mix with sweat and fall off the tip of his nose. “Don’t be to hard on yourself.” I said “You’ve been working so hard, You’ve done so good. So good!” I said ‘I’ve never seen anyone work as hard as you.” I added “You should be proud of yourself and celebrating. You guys are the best rookie group out there right now. It’ll be okay.” I said reaching down to wipe his face. His eyes finally met mine and I saw how upset he really was. I immediately wrapped my arms around him and held him close, a few tears escaping me “Jeno.” I said my voice cracking “I mean it. You’re doing amazing. You don’t need to be perfect.” I said trying to keep my voice even. He was breathing hard against my shoulder “We’ll be okay.” I said “You’ve got this.” I added as I rubbed his back. He finally pulled away and started wiping his face.

“I’m sorry.” he said “I didn’t mean too here.” he said wiping at his nose gesturing around with his hand.

“No. It’s fine” I said smiling at him “It’s why I’m here.” I said “We’re best friends you can always tell me anything. I’ll always be here.” I said and in the moment I realized I meant it, I couldn’t imagine my life without Jeno in it. I woke up to Chenle pulling me out of the van, catching me as I fell out only to let me go and go running “WE’RE HERE!” He said as he ran to the other side of the campsite. it took me a second to adjust my eye sight to how bright it was. I turned and ran into Haechan, he just laughed as he slid me over to the side to start unloading. I yawned and made my way over to the back where the rest of the boys were unloading bit by bit

“Tent first.” Renjun said as he pour the contents out of our tent bag. I went over to help him. We bought the biggest tent we could find. It was an 8 person tent. Renjun and I slid the poles in. as Jisung and Jaemin set up the rest of our campsite with our chairs and our coolers and bags. I smiled at Rejun as our poles met in the middle Renjun was my second crush, it had only lasted about three months. He was helping me learn Mandarin and I longed for the time we spent together at the building when he was on breaks. It was just the two of us and I really got to know him then. I lived for the late night phone calls we shared. They’d start off as study calls and then it’d turn into him getting distracted and he’d tell me about aliens and ghosts and his theories and whatever else he was reading at the time, he was so incredibly real and honest. He was so confident in the way he carried himself even though, He was tiny, I loved his tiny features. He was almost delicate but still such a strong, handsome boy I was sure I was in love with.Then he admitted his crush on a girl in our class and my feelings for him died instantly. We all let out a sighs of relief as we settled into ours chairs, Haechan and Chenle spent the past hour setting up our fire pit with rocks and sticks and grass and leaves. We had our food and extra supplies set up in a make shift lean to with the tarps we bought. Jaemin’s dad had a bunch of chairs and sleeping bags and a cool fire starting kit. The sun was a a low place in the sky right now. it wasn’t quite twilight but everything was getting glowy. I took out my phone.

“Smile!” i yelled as I started taking pictures of them. I wanted to remember these moments forever. They all laughed pretending to hide their faces. haechan hid behind his hoodie. I stopped to focus on him. He was reaching for my phone blindly before he got up and started chasing me. We ran around the camp screaming and laughing as i took pictures of them as best as I could while running . it wasn’t long before chenle and jisung joined in trying to intercept me. It was chenle that grabbed me and wrapped his arms around me. I was giggling hysterically by now. I felt his chest heaving against my back as my own breath and heartbeat drummed in my ears. He picked me up and carried me over to the chairs, he threw me in to my chair laughing.

“Better sell those to the fansites, you’ll be rich.” he said with a laugh. I stuck my tongue out at him as I snuck one more of him

“Just when you think you escaped the cameras.” Jaemin said with a wink as he drug the cooler over.

Jaemin was the my third crush. I developed it while he was on time off. He spent as lot of time at my house because being at the dorms or at his house depressed him. He couldn’t do what he wanted to do and it was eating away at him. We’d spend hours watching movies, He’d leave for appointments only to come back for a few more hours. Usually bringing food. He trusted me with all his worries, We’d talk for hours about what his future looked like with the band and we’d cry and then we’d laugh at ourselves and eat some food. We watched and cried together as NCT dream got their first win. I honestly thought he might have liked me too. the rest of the boys would tease him about being with me all the time. We didn’t care we were having fun.it wasn’t until I went to the SM Christmas party with the boys and people started asking us if we were dating then he’d deny it. it kind of hurt me but I was just grateful to have that connection with him. to this day he’s one of my BEST friends in the world. There’s honestly no one I trust more than Jaemin, I’ll always go to him first with anything. “Of course you know how to start a fire.” I said as Chenle was hard at work starting our fire. He just turned and gave me his signature Chenle smile. I hoped to god I wasn’t blushing I was still getting over that crush on him It was the first day back at school from winter break. I hadn’t seen my friends much over the holidays so I was scanning the room for them. Specifically Renjun and Chenle, They went back to china for almost a whole month. The last time I saw either of them was at the SM christmas party. Chenle and I shared three dances that night. Jeno and I two and the rest I had to beg to dance with me at least once. I even danced with Mark and Jungwoo. I was having the time of my life. Chenle and I we’re just about to go out to the dance floor when the song changed to a slower one. I froze with his hand in mine, He just shrugged his shoulders and continued dragging me out to the dance floor. Once we got there he carefully placed his hands on my waist. it was a foreign feeling. this was my first slow dance with a boy but I’d never admit it to anyone except maybe Jaemin. I thought to myself as I enjoyed the feeling of being whisked around the dance floor. The music from some drama I never finished blasting through the speakers. I was looking around at other people dancing some of the couples I’d begun to recognize in the media were here. dancing to this song and here I am holding on to Chenle. I went to look up at him and realized I had look a bit further up.

“When did you get so tall?” I asked looking at him in the eyes as I now began to realize just how high up my arms were on his shoulders.

“I can’t be short forever.” He said pushing me out for a spin. I laughed as he pulled me into him. Why was he so good at slow dancing. Was there anything he can’t do. The song was over and he dragged me back to the table. The next day he left for china and we barely got to talk because he was busy with family. I couldn’t tell if I was developing feelings for him, it was like I was seeing him in a new light after the party and I dwelled on it the whole winter break. I was hoping he’d be here early like he usually was so we could hang out. I texted him to no avail. I felt a hand tap me scaring me as i waited in the hall

“What are you doing?” I jumped and screamed at the sound of his voice, only to turn and see he had died his hair light and that he was at least another two centimeters taller causing me to scream again causing him to jump back and lift his hands up “GOD what the hell is wrong with you?” he said “I don’t look that scary.” he added as he clutched his chest. The adrenaline running through my veins at the scare, and the sight of him caused my heart to race and i started laughing uncontrollably. Jeno and Jaemin came over to see the commotion.

“What’d you do?” Jaemin asked Chenle as he stood there confused out of his mind

“No I’m fine.” i said “Not you.” I managed to muster between giggles “You scared me.” I said gaining composure breathless I looked up to see all three boys staring at me confused out out of their minds. I looked at Chenle and immediately felt my cheeks get hot again. I looked away before they could notice. “I was looking for you guys. I never gave you these.” I said digging out bracelets I made for them as apart of their Christmas gifts. They were green with all our initials on it. Jeno rolled his eyes as I tied it on him. Jaemin excitedly accepted his and when I got to chenle I almost dropped the bracelet as he bumped me while pulling up his sleeve. good lord I’m already awkward around him I thought to myself as i\I fumbled to tie it around his wrist. The bell rang and I bowed to them and ran off to my class before I made things worse. The last thing on my mind was the lesson we were reviewing that day from last unit.

That day at lunch I met with the rest of the guys and gave them their bracelets. Jisung and I qucikly ran to the convenience store to get food for the rest of us. When we got back we spent the rest of our lunch hour discussing what we did over break. Renjun and Chenle distributing all the Chinese candy they brought back for us. We had fun like normal, I couldn’t help but sneak a few glances at Chenle. Jesus christ I thought I was done with this after Haechan. Speaking of Haechan he was no where to be seen because of his injury. and I missed him. I’d gone to see him at his place so many times over the break. I sent him an “I miss you” text. only to have him reply with a ugly seflie of him in bed. “If only i could be so lucky to lay in bed all day.” I replied

“Come join me then.” he replied. He didn’t mean it, he never did. That didn’t stop me from smiling like an idiot.

“Y/N! come on!! we’re gonna be late. Flirt with Haechan later!” Chenle was yelling at me from across the lunch room. I yelled at him and chased after him. He was running through the hall, I was so close to catching him when he suddenly stopped causing me to run straight into him. He caught me as I fell and placed me straight up while bowing to the teacher that passed and gave us a dirty look. I scrambled to bow quickly at her. I turned to Chenle

“You brat!” I whispered loudly while hitting his chest.

“How about I make it up to you?” He asked quietly looking around leaning in. My heart nearly jumped out of my throat. before I could even say anything he had his hand around mine and placing something in my hand closing it, while pretending to make sure no one was looking “i knew how much you loved these last time so I brought some extra for you.” He winked at me and then left. “Don’t tell the guys.” He mouthed to me as he walked into his classroom. I didn’t even realize I was holding my breath until the room started spinning. I looked down at my hand and saw a whole bag of the jelly candy i loved. I blushed as I opened one and ate it and made my way into my class. Jeno seated at his seat behind me

“You still have some?”he asked he watched me eat the candy.

“Oh. O didn’t eat mine at lunch.” i said quietly putting them in my bag and opening my books. I played with the candy wrapper for the rest of the afternoon with that sickening feeling you get when you know you’re gonna like someone. shit I didn’t want to have a crush on Chenle yet here i am already head over heels. it’ll pass it always does. I said to myself. And I continued to say that over the next six months. I said that as Jaemin and I were on the phone one night and he confronted me about it about a month and a half ago.

“So Chenle?”

“what about Chenle?” I asked him

“Why are you drooling all over him all of a sudden?” he asked

“I’m not!” i said trying to sound offended

“y/n….” he said flatly

“I KNOW! OKAY I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. HE LIKE GOT TALLER AND HE BROUGHT ME CANDY, AND HE BUYS ME LUNCH. AND HE’S GETTING SO GOOD AT DANCING AND LIKE DUDE. he’s such an amazing singer.” i said taking a deep breath “like it’s like one second he’s an annoying little brother then he’s swaying me around the floor at the Christmas party and he’s not so annoying anymore.” I said

“christmas? That’s how long this has been going on?” he asked shock in his voice

“I know.” i sighed “It’s fine. you know how I am. So shallow. It’ll pass.” I said in a light tone, but it really wasn’t anywhere near passing. I tried so hard since then to push the feelings away and it was working.

“First Haechan now Chenle. Are the rest of us not good enough.” he joked.

“Shut up.” I said. As I got over my crushes on them I made sure to make it seem like I had a crush on another guy or an idol or something so it didn’t seem like I wasn’t crushing on someone. Haechan was the first one out of them that the found out about and intended to keep it that way. “Hey uh don’t tell anyone okay?” I asked him serious

“”I won’t.” Se said I could hear the sincere smile in his voice. He then proceeded spending the next month telling me to tell chenle despite me telling him I was getting over him and I really felt like I was getting over him. I hoped this camping trip wouldn’t help that.

The campfire glowing as the sun set around us. It as absolutely perfect.

“is this what fireflies are like?” Jisung asked as he watched the embers of the flames rise and float off into the night.

“i imagine so.” Jeno said as he turned his stick over. He was currently burning his hot dogs but refused to listen when we told him to take them out. Jisung went over to the cooler and brought back marshmallows. He took a pile and tossed the bag to Jaemin. who took some, this continued until the bag got to me. I said

“Wait is this the first time for everyone?” I asked and looked around as everyone nodded “Let’s do a marshmallow toast!” I said excited grabbing my stick to put them on. I stood up ignoring their protests and watched excitedly as they all stood up reluctantly. “To being twenty.” I said sticking my marshmallow high above the fire

“to graduating.” Jeno said “to being friends.” Jaemin said earning a shove from Haechan and Jisung on either side of him. “To being friends forever.” I added “To being us!” Renjun said finally before shoving his marshmallow in the centre we all did that and roasted our marshmallows. I looked around the fire at each of them all unique in their own ways, all meaning different things to me, it made me sad, We’ll be adults next year. What if things change. I’ll be off in college all by myself while they’re enrolled online. Lord knows what the future holds for them career wise. I don’t even want to know how Jisung and Chenle feel. There’s talks of Renjun joining WayV in china. The other boys don’t know their future yet, Everything changes and all of this feels so final. I looked around at them laughing and having fun and living in the moment. The way Jaemin and Jeno fought as their marshmallows stuck together. Chenle and haechan fighting trying to knock each others marshmallows into the fire. Renjun sitting in the back eating his burnt marshmallow laughing and Jisung trying his best to roast more than one at once. They were still the same boys I met back in middle school but not at the same time. I sat back in my chair and tried my best not to cry. Haechan noticed my quietness and came over to sit beside me. I loved the way his skin glowed, I hated when he wore makeup on stage. He was so absolutely stunning and it hurt me. I had a crush on Haechan for 4 months now. It was getting worse with each day. NCT 127 had just released a new album and this all started as I watched Haechan practice his parts in studio. His voice was so angelic I literally sat there blushing the whole time he was singing. He didn’t notice, he never did. I bought that album, first album I bought myself only so I could listen to him singing on it. His parts had such an effect on me and I hated it. I thought I was doing good at hiding my crush on him. I wasn’t awkward around him. We teased non stop like always, only it was driving me nuts, and had no effect on him. We’re always cuddling or holding hands because that’s haechan, but at least it was something right. I was sitting outside during lunch on the front steps listening to my CD. 127 was doing promo so Haechan was away from school for awhile and I missed him. it was the first time he was really away from us and I was going through it. Jisung was the first to find out.

“Who are you listening to like this?” he asked pulling my headphones out as he sat down beside me with his face in his hands and batting his eyes

“I’m not like that.” i said shoving him

“Like what?” Jaemin said sitting on the other side of me.

“She’s in love with someone.” He said reaching for my old CD player I got from my mom. as I pulled away from him Renjun came from behind and grabbed it.

“Give it back.” i whined. looking up at him to no avail he opened it

“Oh my god 127 hyungs!” he said with a gasp. all the boys looked at me “It is johnny?” Jisung asked “i bet its johnny.”

“No it’s Taeyong.” Rejun said said

“Is it Jungwoo? He’s your type” Jeno asked as he sat beside Jisung. they continued this game as I denied all of them.

“Ten hyung!” Jisung said beside me

“NOOO” i said annoyed with them

“Then who? Renjun asked confused “the only one we didn’t name was…” they suddenly all yelled “HAECHANNIE!” “Arghhh! ” I said beyond annoyed with them

“Oh my god it is.” Jisung said hanging his head with disbelief. Renjun tsked as he handed me back my CD player. I sighed as Jaemin looked at me trying to get an answer.

“What’d I miss?” chenle asked as he approached us out of breath. We all looked up at him. then they all started talking all at once telling various versions of what just happened. Chenle choked on his drink

“Haechan?!” he asked “Why?!” he was the first person to ask anything. “I don’t know.” I said still annoyed with them. “Ah, you should have seen her sitting there.” Jisung said as I shot him a dirty look. “Are you going to tell him?” Jaemin asked a concerned look on his face and I could tell why, he was just as scared as I was of things changing

“Noooo. God no. He can never know.” I said panicking “Why?” renjun asked “Because it’ll make things weird and like it’s just a stupid crush anyway. I’ll get over it.” i said matter of factly. I didn’t get over it for a whole year… He was just so handsome and he seemed so more mature compared to the rest of the boys. He wasn’t and still isn’t but like The fact that he was out in the world touring and working on music and like he just seemed like he was on a different level then the rest of us here. Like he was still the same old haechannie who liked to tease me but like I just saw him differently and he was so incredibly untouchable it hurt. Like I think it’s his passion that drew me in. He practiced so hard, He worked on his singing so hard. Watching him at a piano was a treat. I still love him and would date him in the drop of a hat to be honest but like I know he doesn’t see me that way, I’m still the same ol me to him and I don’t think that will ever changed and that’s how I eventually got over him enough to be here normally. The boys didn’t help either. They’d constantly tease me about it behind his back I’m honestly surprised he never found out. “What’s wrong Y/N?” Haechan asked sitting down beside me

“I’m just thinking.” i said hoping to keep my voice even.

“About?” Jaemin asked from across the fire.

“Life.” i said my voice sounding smaller than I wanted it to. I now had all their attention. “Ah shit. Here we go.” i said looking down “We’re almost adults. 20 years old in 6 months. doesn’t that scare you?” I asked “not just at work but here. and in real life too. I get anxiety thinking about what will happen to you guys at work honestly. We barely see mark.” I said “And like it’s just all gonna change.” I said my voice finally cracking I looked down as my eyes welled up “I’m so grateful to know you guys as stupid as you are.” I said trying to laugh. “We’re so lucky to have met how we did because I honestly can’t imagine my life with out you guys and idk if you feel that same way or I’m just some dumb girl but like you’re all gonna be there when I get married and I hope when I have kids and like I just want to be friends forever. and I don’t want to lose you guys.” I turned to Renjun “I don’t want to lose you.” he knew what I meant and I was full on crying at this point “Not yet anyway.” I sighed in my seat and I looked up at all of them. They were all so quiet and somber I thought I had ruined the trip then Haechan spoke up

“We’ll always be friends no matter what.” he said and all the others nodded. He said it with such a finality that he didn’t need to say anything else. It was when I looked around and saw each of them looking at me with concern and worry that I knew. They really did care for me.

“lets have some more marshmallows.” i laughed “I’m sorry.” i said wiping my nose with my hoodie sleeve

“No. it’s understandable.” Jeno said “We’ve been so busy. life catches up with you.”

“let’s play truth or dare!” Jisung said hating all the sad stuff. i smiled a knowing smile at him and nodded

“Yeah!” i said. We all stood up again and played rock paper scissors to decide who would go first. Jisung would go first and we’d go around the circle asking to our left. Renjun chose truth so Jisung asked him

“what’s one thing you can’t live without?”

“easy. Headphones.” Renjun replied quickly “truth or dare?” he asked Jaemin who said Dare “I dare you to do karaoke for us. one song WE PICK.” He said motioning for Haechan to come over with his phone and speaker.

“Argh not this one!” Jaemin said as the most popular song in korea rn started playing “I’ve heard it a thousand times.”

“sing! or we’ll throw you in the lake!” Jeno said as the song started into the melody we’d all heard at least 1000 times. Jaemin started singing his voice cracking here and there because it wasn’t in his key. The guys laughing at him as he turned various shades of pink. it was a sexy song and he hated it

“choreo! come on!” rejun said as the chorus started soon enough they were all up dancing various stages of the song.

“you guys are a mess.” i said in between laughing. the song came to an end and they all sat down. “Thanks for the show.” i laughed. they all threw marshmallows at me. “okay next.”

“Jeno! truth or Dare?” Jaemin yelled as he opened his water.

“truth.” Jeno said

“Favourite idol you’ve met.” Jaemin asked

“EXO hyungs.” Jeno said easily

“boring.” chenle asked “I pick truth.” He said taking a bite of a hotdog he had cooked himself

“Favorite place we’ve been so far.” he asked stiffling a yawn

“Brazil.” he said “truth or dare?” he said turning to me.

“truth.” i said pondering how bad it could be they were doing easy questions i should be safe

“first crush.” Chenle said i wasn’t safe.

“um. like first first crush? or first real crush?” I asked

“first real crush.” he said “we all know about you’re crush on Goku.” he said rolling his eyes

“hmmm.” i said pretending to think while looking across the fire at Jeno .”No names BUT we were 15.” I said looking away from Jeno as our eyes met i could tell he knew immediately. “First time I’d ever noticed a boy in this way that was my age. wanna guess?” I said looking around at the boys as they all have puzzled looked on their faces.

“We met already?” Renjun asked

“yup, you guys were in training. He was the only boy in our grade that was this tall and handsome.” i said looking down as I could practically all hear them whip their heads towards Jeno.”it was short lived but this boy will forever remain as the boy I liked first.

“Is he still as handsome?” Jeno asked looking at me from across the fire with a small smile, i could feel the rest of the boys eyes peering into me.

“Other girls seem to think so.” i said smiling back at him. Haechan laughed beside me

“AWWW! LITTLE Y/N’s FIRST CRUSH IS JENO!” He said roaring with laughter, which caused all the other boys to start laughing.

“WHAT?! i wasn’t the only one to crush on him that year!” i said defending myself “not my fault the rest of you refused to go through puberty.” i said they all took that so well. I was kind of shocked

“Hey! my voice was dropping already.” Jisung said defensively

“it’s still dropping!” I said to him “girls go crazy for it online.” i said “if they only knew what a baby you are.” i said laughing. He shot me a dirty look. “Okay if you are all done.” i said turning to Haechan

“Dare.” he said looking me in the eye.

“I dare you to finish that bottle of juice in 30 seconds.” i said pointing to the full bottle beside him

“Easy.” he said picking it up “timer!” he said

“Go!” Jisung said. We all watched as he chugged the juice quickly “he’s done that before.” Jisung said as he watched. He finished the bottle with 7 seconds left and wiped his lips while looking at me

“Told you.” he said. I sat there pouting. The game went on for two hours. We had tons of fun. Chenle made me do their choreo in front of everyone while they filmed it. I wanted to die. We all sat around the campfire just talking about the past school year and how much fun we had. Jeno yawned first.

“we should go to bed.” i said stretching my legs out. “How are we all sleeping?” I asked standing up a shiver went down my spine as the wind brushed my hair across my neck. “it’s getting chilly.” I said I went over to my bag and dug out my comfy clothes. sweats and a long t-shirt.”I’m changing in the tent!” I said running into our tent. I could hear then all fumbling around outside the tent, yelling at each other, beating each other up from the sounds of things.

“y/n hurry upppp.” Haechan whined from just outside the tent pulling at the zipper.

“Stop it! or you’re all sleeping outside.” i said as I slipped into my sweats. I changed from my real bra to my sports bra and slipped my shirt over. I sat down and washed up my face.

“What are you doing??” Jisung asked

“Washing up.” I said as I went over my forehead a few times.

“Washing up on a camping trip.” Jeno said flatly.

“Don’t come for me when you’re all breaking out when we get back.” I said as I packed up my things “Come in.” I said shoving my bag in the corner. The zipper opened they’re all came piling in carrying sleeping bags and pillows and blankets. They were all kind of hunched over and bumping into each other shoving and i’m backed against the back wall of the tent “GUYS! wait!” everyone back out!” they all practically fell out of the tent I followed suit and grabbed my sleeping bag and pillow from the pile they abandoned it in. I looked at them all varying stages of bickering with each other.

“Oldest to youngest.” Renjun said.

“Fine.” Jaemin said knowing he had a chance at a good spot being fourth, the rest of us all groaned and nodded in agreement. My birthday was in November.so I was third last. This was my first time sleeping over with all of them. over the years i’d spend the night at one of their houses or one of them mine but never all of us at once. I sometimes wonder what other stuff I missed out on having no girlfriends I grabbed my headphones and my blanket. I was waiting. Renjun went into the tent first and set up his bed along the back wall.

“HEY! wait!” I said as Jeno started walking into the tent! “There’s enough room for me to sleep along that back wall too. Renjun and I Horizontal and the rest of you guys spread out vertical along us.” I said looking at all of them hopeful “look at you guys if any of you try and fit there it’ll never work.” I said gesturing at how tall they were. “Renjun is JUST short enough that I’ll fit and it’ll create more room!”

“wow! she’s a genius!” Jaemin said as he looked at the room they’d all have. they all nodded and i made my way into the tent. I rolled out my sleeping bag and sat on it. the rest started coming in and rolling out their things. Jaemin and Chenle slept on myside. Jeno and Haechan on Renjun’s side and Jisung planted himself straight in the middle. “I can’t believe it.” Jaemin said laying down starfishing on his sleeping bag “so much room.”

“We don’t get to cuddle.” I said pretending to sound sad.

“What are you talking about. i’m gonna cuddle Jeno all night.” i heard Haechan say from the other side of the tent.

“YOU BETTER NOT!” Jeno said. and then they started fighting. At least I think, my eyes were closed i was so comfy.it was warm in the tent, it was really getting cold outside. “First to sleep has to build the fire and cook in the morning.” Renjun announced as he sat up and took out a deck of cards. We started our uno Marathon. It was already kind of late. The first few rounds were fun and exciting, then I started losing and getting tired.

“Look! y/n’s getting sleepy.” Jeno teased as I dozed off.

“I’m not.” I whined opening my eyes.

“I can go all night.” Haechan said excitedly

“We know!” we all said in varying stages of annoyance. Haechan was really a work of science, the boy barely slept and was still so energetic.

“I’ll have that food ready when you guys get up.” I said grumpily as I slid back into my corner of the tent. I faced towards the window so the glow of the lantern we had on wasn’t as bright. I put on my headphones and fell asleep listening to my favourite songs. I woke the next morning to see the sunlight coming through the crack in the window cover. I blindly rolled over and let my eyes adjust to the glow. I saw Jaemin sleeping right in front of me, at least I think it was jaemin, his head was covered. I looked and saw jisung beside him rolled up like a burrito and down to see chenle all spread out half off his sleeping bag. I heard Renjun lightly snoring above me. I couldn’t see where jeno and Haechan ended up. I reached around for my phone it was around 10. Perfect time to get up on a day off I thought. I tried my best to quietly get up, I was actually so warm in that tent. The sun shining warmed everything up. I quietly made my way out of the tent trying really hard not to step on anyone. I saw a glimpse of Jeno and Haechan in the back corner of the tent. Haechan clinging onto jeno for dear life. I couldn’t help the giggle the escaped. Jeno would die if he knew. I went and dug a bottle of water out of the cooler, I chugged half of it and started digging for our food. I took out the eggs, and instant rice we bought. I grabbed the kettle and filled it with some of our water. I walked back over to the fire and wondered how I would start it. I saw chenle doing it last night but did he make the sticks a certain way, did he use a match? why did he need that paper? I sat down on a chair trying to think back to how he did it. I heard rustling in the tent then as if on cue Chenle popped his head out and sleepily made his way over to our bathroom bushes. I waited for him to come back

“You going back to bed?” I asked him as he sleepily approached me

“Nah I’m up.” he said walking over to me, his morning voice something I’ve never heard before.

“Good.” I said. “I need help.” I said looking up at him batting my eyes holding the matches out to him. he laughed as he took them.

“You wanna learn?” He asked as he crouched down rubbing his eyes with one hand sliding the matches out of the box with the other, He pushed up his hoodie sleeves I noticed the bracelet I gave him at christmas still tied on his wrist. I nodded then crouched down beside him. “okay.” he said clearing his throat. “First we make the wood pile nothing too crazy, just enough to burn for a while. He said “then we take something small to burn first. In this case.” He said holding up the newspaper i had brought along “it’s paper, you take a small bit of this and then crumple it so then you light it and throw it into the smaller sticks underneath and then slowly the rest of the wood catches fire.” he said as he lit the newspaper.and threw it in. Sure enough there was smoke and small flames growing.

“Wow.” I said and he turned to me and smiled. “Thank you.” I said he nodded then sat on the chair behind him. I stood up, I went over to get him a water bottle. I brought it back to him he looked up at me thankfully. he opened it and chugged all of it. “thirsty?” I asked he nodded. He was so sweet when it was just the two of us. I loved that he was this comfortable around me to let his little guard down. He’s told me all of his worries in the past. stuff only Jisung and I would probably ever know. He wasn’t just a spoiled rich kid. He lets people believe that about him sometimes. “It’s easier that way.” he said to me. He’s so incredibly passionate about everything he does but it seems like it all comes easy to him. Every one goes on about Haechan’s sunny demeanor but no one ever notices Chenle’s. I used to wonder it if was an act for him to be this happy and fun all the time. Then I realized he really loves what he does and who hes with. He wears his heart on his sleeve. These are all the things I’ve loved and will continue to love about him once I get over my phyisical attraction to him. don’t even get me started on that. I looked over at him as the fire grew before us. His hair catching the light just right, His face a little puffy from sleeping but that just made him cuter. his facial features delicate in a way. The way his hoodie hung on him slightly as it was too big for his growing frame. His little sweater paws. i smiled. He looked over at me

“What?” He asked with a shy smile looking away

“Nothing.” I said “You’re just a cutie.” I added teasing him. he blushed ten shades deep and looked away swatting his hand at me. I laughed “Thank you for the fire. i would have never done it.” I admitted

“It’s no problem.” he said “I learned years ago.” He laughed as he thought back “my mom wanted me to know. you’re wife will thank you later in life.” she would tell me.” He laughed looking up at me through his eyelashes

“lets’ hope your wife is as good a chef as me.” I said teasingly and he blushed again. He was so fun to tease. I went over to my pile of food and started getting it ready. I put the kettle on the fire and took out a frying pan. I started scrambling the egg’s in a big bowl. “you think they’ll get up anytime soon?” I asked him, he shrugged “this is enough for the two of us?” I asked him holding my bowl. He nodded. I poured them into the pan and cooked them til they were perfect. As if on cue the kettle slowly started it’s crescendo into screaming but Chenle stopped it before it could go full volume. i smiled a thanks at him. I took the eggs off and put them onto a paper plate. I Then opened two rice cups and poured the water in. I put the kettle off to the side.

“I’m starving” He said as we waited for the Rice to cook. I separated our eggs and got us cups of juice. Chenle and I sat beside each other sharing a small table between us. “let’s eat.” He said holding up his rice cup to me then digging in. It was so peaceful, the birds we’re chirping, The sun was shining but not beating down on us too hard that it was unbearable. The fresh air now mixed with the smell of our food. I looked up at Chenle between bites as he ate his food.”this is so good.” He said smiling at me. We slowly started talking about what he plans to do next time he goes to china, We talked about how much fun it would be if we all went out with him. He told me of all the places he wanted to show me. It was honestly so much fun just sitting and talking with him, He lit up when he talked about things he loved and that made me happy. I forgot it wasn’t a camping trip with just the two of us until Jaemin was suddenly behind Chenle.

“Morning.” he smiled at me a huge smile and thumbs up from behind Chenle

“Morning.” I said looking down

“Anything left for me?” He asked looking at our empty containers

“Yeah. coming right up.” I said, getting up to gather my cooking items. So much time had passed I put the kettle back on

“I wasn’t interrupting was I?” he asked sitting down across from us pointing between Chenle and I yawning.

“we finished awhile ago.” I said trying to discreetly give him a dirty look.

“Ah.” he said sitting back as Chenle tossed him a water bottle. I cooked him a bunch of scrambled eggs and let the kettle scream this time so everyone could wake up. After I took it off I heard a bunch of grumbling coming from the tent. I couldn’t help but laugh as one by one they all crawled out of the tent.

“So are we swimming today?” Jisung asked excitedly as he ate.

“Yeah!” renjun said “The lake isn’t far from here.”

“okay. Eat up then we’ll go.” I said. I had been saving a two piece suit forever, I always wore a one piece around them and they wore t-shirts too but i was almost an adult now I could wear what i wanted. I was too scared to wear it in actual public. “You guys go to the lake and change there i’ll come after.” I said as they all finished eating “I’ll clean up then meet you in like 15.” they all nodded and and gathered their things I could hear their banter slowly fade as I cleaned up all of our breakfast. I threw some water on the fire and went to change in the tent. I wasn’t as revealing as I had previously thought. The bottoms were almost shorts and the top was almost like a sports bra but it had cute little lacing up the middle. it would be perfect for the lake. I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around me, I felt self conscious as the breeze his all my exposed skin. I grabbed Haechan’s speaker and some bottles of water and made my way in the direction they had left. I wasn’t walking long before I could hear them all playing around screaming. I walked closer and closer to the sound then I finally smelled the freshness of the lake. I could see it in the distance all of their heads floating around.

“HEY!” I yelled out. they all turned and waved, only their heads poking out. I waved back “is it cold?” U asked

“No! Just get in here!” Haechan said. I put my things down and laid my towel out. I turned to see all of them staring at me. Different unreadable expressions Jisung looking down and anywhere but at me, I sighed, Teenage boys. of all times for them to notice me it’s now.

“You bought that when we went to the mall?” Jeno asked confused

“No” i said making way towards the water and jumping in “I’ve had this for years.” I said popping up and pushing my hair back “I’ve been too scared to wear it but it’s just us.” I said

“In that case.” Jaemin said making his way to the shore. He got out to about his knees then flung the t-shirt the clung to him off and made his way back in

“He didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Jisung said floating on his back

”Jaemin make me uncomfortable?” I laughed as he came over and shoved me over. I splashed him back but ended up hitting Haechan behind the head he then came over and shoved me under the water. I came back out and then we started chasing each other all over the water. We played around for a few hours before I was exhausted and needed a drink. I went over to the shore and laid out my towel. I sat on it bringing my knees close to my chest as I drank some water. I looked out at the boys. Chenle and jisung and Haechan we’re still playing with each other. Renjun was floating around living his best life and Jaemin and Jeno made their way towards me.

“You brought the speaker!” Jeno said excitedly as he sat beside me splashing me in the process. I protested and shoved him over as he shook his hair at me. “Give me your phone!” he said as he fiddled around with the speaker. it wasn’t long before he had songs playing on the speaker for all to hear. They all turned in our direction and started making their way over to us. It wasn’t long before we were all laying on the lake shore, music blasting, The shade of the tree above protecting us from the hot sun that shone down.We lazed around on the shore all afternoon. It was late afternoon, We should be heading back for food sooner or later. I sat up

“Anyone hungry?” i asked. They all said no.

“i want to go back in the water, We should have brought a ball or something.” Jisung said. as they all agreed in varying stages of laziness.

“Lets go then!” I said standing up and running into the water. Jisung followed suit. the were a few rocks so we were chasing each other back and forth to those seeing who could swim faster then that brought everyone else into the water. I washed away all of my impending worries in those moments. Living in the moment as the summer faded around us. Times I will remember for the rest of my life. The smiles of each of these boys that mean the world to me. The time where all we had was each other and we knew we’d be okay. I sat up on a rock and looked out at them. The same boys i knew at 14 now almost adults. So much we’ve been through but so much to go through yet. So many feelings and experiences to explore. So much life to live and i’m grateful to live it with them.

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shawnpetermuffins · 6 years ago

Text

Were you going to tell me?

A/N: this is my first fan fiction on here, so I'd love some feedback if you have any! Also, I'm writing this on my phone, so it probably has a bunch of typos.

Summary: y/n and Shawn have been together for 7 years, but y/n isn't so sure he still wants to be. (This is a really bad summary, wow. Sorry lol)

Warnings: some swearing. Angst and lots of it.

Word count: it's a lot sorry

***

Seven years. Five of which I was in school. (The unfortunate fact of getting into a long distance relationship during my senior year of high school and continuing through college.) Four of which he has been all about touring, and working at the studio, and doing promo. And two of which I have been living with him. Two birthdays and two anniversaries have gone forgotten - by him, I might add. I've never forgotten an anniversary or birthday. I'm good at remembering dates, especially with people that I love. And despite this, I have been completely invested in our relationship.

He's never home anymore. I'm always here cleaning our - his - condo, which used to feel big, but now it feels like I can't take a single step without being in his personal space. That is when he bothers to be home for more than an hour at a time and I'm not at work. He doesn't even notice anymore. It's like he just expects it now. Dinner is always in the fridge for him to heat up because he's never home in time to sit down with each other and eat like a normal couple would. And of course this also means that our sex life is pretty much nonexistent. It's not that I don't want to because that is definitely not the case, but every time I try to get him in bed he always says hes tired or "not now, y/n. I have to get this done." "I'm about to leave." "The boys are on their way."

We've gotten to this point in our relationship that I never thought we'd be at. I never thought he'd become disinterested in me, in us. He really doesn't even pay attention to anything I do or say anymore. So I high key doubted that he was going to notice when I didn't come home for a few days, weeks maybe. It's not like he texts or calls me to see where I am now.

I was throwing in a few more pairs of panties when the front door closed. He was home early. I panicked for a second, debated on whether or not I should I hide the suitcase, but I shook my head and zipped it, set it next to my nightstand. I went to the bathroom to grab my makeup and toothbrush.

“Y/n?” He said from the door to our room. I already wanted to burst into tears, but I couldn't. Not in front of him. He couldn't see how much I was hurting. I walked back into the room, “Hi,” I said softly, but I didn't dare look his way.

“What are you doing? Why is the suitcase out?”

I sighed and didn't answer for a while, trying to find the right words. “I’m going home for a while.”

“Home? You are home. What are you talking about?” He stepped farther into the room.

This was killing me because this was probably the longest conversation we've had in months. “No, Shawn. I'm going home. To y/h/t.” I finally looked up at him. He looked tired, so tired and I just wanted to put him to bed and have him rest for a few days, but I knew better than to say anything to him about how hard he was working himself. We've had that fight before. He thought I was having him choose between me and his work. I would never. (Because I know he'd choose work.)

“What?” He closed the distance between us, grabbing my elbows. This is the closest we've been in a while and it took everything in me not to melt into him. “Were you going to tell me?”

“Shawn,” I pulled away from him and tossed my bathroom bag on the bed.

“What? Is that not a fair question?” He was getting angry, that was obvious. “Why are you leaving?”

“Because I have to.”

“Were you going to tell me?” He asked again.

“Honestly? No. I didn't even think you'd notice.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“What the fuck are you-?” He threw his hands up. “Of course I would notice!”

“When? Huh? When there wasn't dinner for you in the fridge?”

“Y/N, where is this coming - what did I do?”

“I'm tired, Shawn.” I rubbed my temples.

“Why are you leaving?!” His voice rose, and if I hadn't heard him like this time and time again in the past year and half, I would probably be scared.

“Because I want to go home! Because I can't just sit here anymore!”

He crossed his arms, eyes wide. “This is your home! This is our home!”

“No,” I shook my head, letting out a bitter laugh. “It's not.”

“Yes it is.”

“Shawn, this doesn't feel like home. This condo is not my home! You would understand if you bothered to pay attention to anything I say anymore.”

“I do pay attention!” He said defensively.

“No, you don't! For four years all you've thought about was yourself and your career. You never ask me about me and mine. Which, by the way is pretty much nonexistent since I moved here.”

“So, it's my fault that you don't have a career? Don't you put that on me, y/n! You know I work hard to put this roof over your head and make sure the utilities and anything else you need is paid for.”

“I don't ask you to do that! And I'd pay for it if you would let me! It's not like you're here to use the utilities anyway.”

"What is your fucking problem?! Why are you doing this?!"

"Because I'm tired! I'm tired of being overlooked. I'm tired of everyone asking me how you are and how we are and having to lie to them. I'm tired of going to bed by myself and waking up the same way. I'm tired and I want to go home."

"Why didn't you tell me any of this?"

"I tried! You never listen. It's always 'I have an early day tomorrow, can we talk about this later?' Or 'I can't do this right now.' Or 'the boys are coming over, let's put a pin in it.'"

"You still haven't said why you're really going."

"I miss my family, Shawn! I miss my friends! I haven't seen them in two years and you don't care because it has nothing to do with you or your career!"

"Of course I care! How dare you say I don't?"

"How dare I?! How dare you?! You can't just come in here and act like you suddenly give a shit about what I'm doing! You haven't so much as looked my way in months, but now that I have a suitcase out, now you want to act like you care. That's bullshit and you know it."

"You can't just leave!"

"Yes, actually. I can. Because even though you feel like you do, you don't own me. I can make my own decisions. In fact, I've been doing a lot on my own recently."

"You're being ridiculous," he said with a scoff and an eye roll.

"I don't really think I am," I tugged at the ends of my hair. "I have a right to see my family. Even if I have to fly across the entire fucking continent to do so."

"Y/N-"

"Do you know how much I've given up for you?" I cut him off.

"Excuse me?"

"I moved to Canada for you. I left the only place I've ever known just because you asked me to. I left my friends and family. I left my job. I left my home to be with you in yours. Notice how I say this, Shawn. I'm in your home. Not ours. Yours. It's absolute fucking shit that I have had to give up everything I've ever known just to make you happy and you've never once said thank you. You don't act like you appreciate me. Half the time you act like I'm not fucking here. But I am, Shawn! I'm here and every night I make you dinner and I make sure the place is clean and your laundry is done. I do everything for you and you can't so much as look at me when I try to tell you about my shitty day or to say 'thank you for dinner, pumpkin' when you're coming to bed." I took in a shuddery breath, but didn't take my eyes off him. "I can't even remember the last time you kissed me goodbye when you were leaving in the morning. Or the last time you woke me up in the middle of the night because you thought of a new chord progression that you need a second opinion on. I don't remember the last time we made love to each other. Now, I don't know why you wanted me here, but I'm sick and tired of playing the role of the forgotten housewife. I'm absolutely fucking done!"

"What does that mean? Done. Done with what?"

"Us!" I said without realizing what was coming out of my mouth.

"Baby!" He reached for my hands again, his eyes practically popping out of his head. "I'm sorry! Okay? I know. I know I've been fucking up a lot lately-"

"You forgot our anniversary. And my birthday. Twice!"

"I said I was sorry about that. You know I was-"

"Working on the album. Yes, I know. I forgave you because you were under so much stress. But I'm stressed too, you know?" I pulled my hands away from him, wrapped my arms around my middle. "I'm here in a place that I still don't know that well. I don't have a single friend here that isnt your sister or one of the guys. And no matter what, they would tell you if I was feeling neglected or sad. But they shouldn't have to tell you! You should just know because we've been together for seven goddamn years and you know me better than anyone. You should know I'm not feeling well." I took in a deep breath before continuing. "But you don't. You don't notice that I've lost weight because I've been under so much stress that I can barely keep any food down. You don't notice that I clean this house spotless at least twice a week because I have nothing else to do, or that your laundry is always washed and put up. You don't notice anything I do for you and it hurts! I've given up everything in my life just to be with you and you. Don't. Care. That fucking hurts, Shawn! It hurts that you haven't realized that I'm not happy anymore!"

He flinched like I'd hit him. "You've never said that to me before," his intense gaze dropped to the floor.

I've never said it out loud before either and I felt just how powerful and hurtful those words acfually were. Not only for him, but for me. It hurt me to say that to him. To see his face after I said it. "Look," I said, guard down, defeated. "I'm going back to y/h/t for a little bit. I just - I need to get away from this for a while."

"Do you know when you're coming back?" He reached for my hand again and played with my fingers, swirled the promise ring he gave me six years ago that, even through all this, I've never taken off.

I shook my head. "No."

That's when he started to cry and I knew I had to get going before I changed my mind. "I need to do this, Shawn. I think it'll be best for the both of us. We need to figure out if this relationship is really what we want. If it's still worth the fight."

"I want you, y/n. I've never wanted anyone else the way I want you. Please." He took my right hand and rested it on his cheek, locking it there with his own hand. "Please stay. I'll be better. I'll work less. I'll make you feel as loved as you should be. I'll do anything you want me to. Just please," he begged again, his voice cracking. "I'll be lost without you. I can't- I can't lose you."

I sighed and kissed his temple, retracting my hands from his once again. "I have to go," I grabbed my bags.

He followed me out to the car, tears still streaking his face. I put my bags in the trunk and checked my purse to make sure I had my passport and ticket. Then I closed the trunk and stood face to face with my broken boy.

"Can I kiss you? Is that allowed?"

I nodded. I wanted more than anything for him to kiss me and never stop. I wanted this kiss go be enough to make me forget all that's fallen apart between us. Forget all the pain I've suffered watching him live his dream while I put mine on hold and stay in this house that isn't home, even when he isn't coming home and he can't send me something as miniscule as a text to tell me so.

But this lips still felt so good against mine. Like they were made to connect to my lips. His tongue wrestling with mine was heaven. To taste him again after so long without him felt surreal, and that's when I started crying because how could we be so terribly fucking broken and still be able to share a kiss like this? How could he still make my stomach do backflips when his fingers combed through my hair?

And how could it still not be enough?

"I love you," he pulled back, his forehead creasing as he fought back more tears.

I wanted to say it too. Wanted to put him at ease, but I'd been crumbling in that place for months upon months and some part of me, no matter how small, wanted him go hurt the way I have. Leave him wondering like he's left me. So I got in the car because the kiss, his words, they weren't enough.

***

So that's the end of that. Let me know if you want a part 2 I guess!

#shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes #shawn peter raul #shawn mendes angst

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