#I never use this hellsite anymore and forget that other people still do

[pink-sparkly-witch]

All She Wants, Part Two

Summary: Y/N decides to leave the bunker for good when Dean reiterates that he can never give her what she wants. Struggling to adjust without her, Dean turns to hormone suppressants, unable to stomach the thought of going through a rut with anyone else.

Pairing: Alpha!Dean Winchester x Female Omega!Reader

Rating: 18+ Only

Bingo Square: Hormone Suppressants for @j3bingo

Warnings: omegaverse, A/B/O, A/B/O dynamics, angst, arguments, heats, ruts, language, Dean’s still a bit of an asshole.

Word Count: 4.2k

A/N: The response to the first part of this angsty, angsty fic has been overwhelming. Thank you to every single one of you who read and commented and reblogged. It means so much 🥹 Now, without further ado, I hope you love part two!

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Being back in the bunker is suffocating, and you haven’t even been back twelve hours yet. The mild cramps in your stomach are now an annoying and constant discomfort, and being near Dean is only making it worse. Your body is so used to the green-eyed hunter that his scent has you craving him. If you don’t get out of here and find another alpha, you know you’ll cave and go to the man who keeps breaking your heart.

Digging into the depths of your meagre closet, you pull out one of the few dresses you have and get ready to have a night on the town. It’s nerve-wracking; you haven’t done this in a long time, but you need to kick old habits and rid yourself of your addiction to Dean. It’s no longer a healthy relationship—maybe it never had been—but your last time together opened your eyes and proved that he doesn’t see you as anything other than a fuck toy.

Walking through the hallways of the bunker, your heels click loudly on the cold, concrete floors as you head towards the library. You know at least one of the boys will be there, and you pray to Chuck it’s Sam. You’d skip this part entirely, given it’s none of their business, but as an unmated omega going to find someone to satisfy a heat, it’s probably best that someone knows your intentions.

As you turn the corner into the room, the scent of Dean’s agitation slaps you in the face. If you’re not careful and can’t control your emotions, it’ll end in a fight and a tumble in the sheets, and that’s really the last thing you need.

“Where are you going dressed like that?” Dean asks as soon as he sets eyes on you.

“Out,” you respond.

“You’re in heat, Omega,” Dean growls.

“I’m aware,” you can feel your body warm as his gaze on you intensifies.

“Do you think it’s wise to go out in your condition?” Dean questions, and you fight your biological instinct to shrink in on yourself and submit to him. 

“I need to find an alpha who’ll help me through this, so yes, I do think it’s wise.”

“You have me, Y/N.” Dean’s tone softens, and the hurt that flashes in his eyes almost makes you run to him.

“No, I don’t. Not anymore.” You don’t wait for his response, walking out of the library and up the stairs because you’re so close to saying screw it and making him take you right there in the library.

“I’ll be back in a few days,” you call out and shut the bunker door behind you.

You know you won’t find what you’re looking for in the bar a few towns over, but at least you’ll find someone who can scratch your current itch and make you forget about Dean fucking Winchester.

At least for a few days.

DEAN’S POV

Dean feels his heart shatter as he watches Y/N walk out the door. This isn’t how he wanted things to go with her. He wanted to talk to her and apologise for his behaviour during his last rut. At least if he’d done that, there was a chance they could still have some kind of relationship.

What they had is gone. He knows that. He’s hurt her too much. If he’d dealt with things differently, they’d still have had the potential to at least be civil to one another, but his gut’s telling him that the opportunity for civility has gone.

He can’t blame himself entirely; she hasn’t let herself be alone with him since he’d realised how much of an asshole he’d been to her. Dean had expected her to come to him last night when the scent of her heat became stronger and carried through the bunker, but she’d remained shut in her bedroom. He isn’t even sure she’d eaten since yesterday morning.

“Hey,” Sam says as he sits beside his brother and hands him a beer. “I heard you and Y/N talking. You alright?”

“No, Sammy, I’m not. You know, it never once occurred to me that what Y/N and I had could end?”

“It doesn’t have to,” Sam says softly, noticing tears in Dean’s eyes.

“Yeah, it does. I can’t give her what she wants—”

“Can’t or won’t?” Sam interrupts, and Dean’s heart pangs at the implication he’s being his usual stubborn ass alpha self.

“I can’t, Sam.” Dean didn’t usually show his vulnerabilities to Sam. He’s the pack leader and can’t afford to show weakness. The only person he’s ever shown vulnerability to is Y/N.

“Why?” Sam’s question is simple, but the weight of the answer is something Dean’s not sure he’s ready to admit out loud.

“It’s complicated,” Dean answers and takes a long swig of beer, drinking half the bottle in two swallows.

“Enlighten me, Dean, because from where I’m standing, it’s not complicated at all. You already have an emotional bond with her. You’ve been mating with her for what, six or seven years? Why is it so hard for you to claim her, have that deeper chemical bond, and make you both happy by having a couple of pups? It’d be nice to have some little ones running around here.”

“Because the second I claim her, she has a target on her back. She’ll become the hunted. Every monster on the continent will want to tear her apart to get to me. And that’s something I won’t survive.”

“So you do want to claim her?” Sam confirms, a small smile pulling at his lips.

“Of course I do!” Dean’s voice booms across the library. “I love her. More than anything. I always have, but I would rather die than put her in danger because of me and who I am,” Dean can’t keep his turmoil to himself anymore. Now it’s out in the open with Sam, he can’t shut the hell up. “I have thought of every way possible to give her what she wants… for years. Give us what we want, but in every scenario, she ends up dead, and I end up alone.”

“Dean, if you keep going the way you have been, she’ll die, and you’ll be alone anyway. And if you let her walk out of here and into the arms of another alpha, you’ll still be alone.”

“I know that, Sam! But I’d rather spend the rest of my life alone and know she was safe and happy with another alpha and a few pups than put a target on her back by claiming her! What part of that don’t you understand?”

“You think Y/N would be happy with another alpha? You think she wanted to go out hunting for someone else to fuck her through her heat? You think she’s not wishing it was you? You think she doesn’t love you? Because she does, Dean! It’s clear to everyone!” Sam’s frustrations reach boiling point, and he no longer has the patience to hold back. “That curse she saved me from loosely translated to stealing what your brother has broken and making it yours. If she hadn’t got between me and that witch, and I’d been hit by that curse, I’d have claimed Y/N for myself because you’re too chicken shit to do it. You know what that means, right? That even the witch knew you were in some kind of relationship. Even just being associated with you in the way she is makes her a target. And she’s an even bigger one without a claim.”

“Then maybe it’s for the best that she’s out there trying to find someone to take care of her,” Dean said, raising his eyebrows at Sam’s exasperation.

“No, Dean! It means that, claimed or not, monsters know what Y/N is to you and you to her. It means she’s already a target, and you’ve been protecting her from the monsters for a long time. Claiming her and having pups with her isn’t going to change that.”

“Look, can we just drop this? Y/N is better off without me, okay? And nothing you say will change my mind. She deserves something good, and I’m not good.” 

Pushing his chair back, Dean stands from the table and enters the kitchen. He grabs a bottle of Scotch from the cabinet and locks himself in his bedroom to lick his wounds.

It may not be the healthiest way to deal with things, but at least getting blind drunk on whiskey will stop the images of Y/N presenting for another alpha or taking another’s knot from playing like a video in his mind.

FIVE DAYS LATER

Y/N’S POV

“You’re alive, then,” Dean’s voice greets you as soon as you step into the bunker.

“I am,” you respond, warily making your way down the stairs. You’re on high alert, knowing this could turn volatile very quickly.

“You alright?” he asks next, his eyes scanning your body for signs of injury. His gaze lingers on your neck, and when he notices it remains unblemished, he releases a breath, and his shoulders relax slightly.

“I’m fine.” It feels like you cheated on Dean, and it makes you feel so sick you want to cry.

“Good. I’m glad you’re okay. I mean, you could’ve called. Let us know you were fine. It would’ve stopped Sam and me from worrying about you every second of the day. For all we knew, you were lying in a ditch somewhere.”

“My phone’s GPS was still…” you pause and sigh, knowing you don’t need to explain anything to him. “Look, can we not do this, please?” You plead. It’s been a rough few days, and you just want to shower and sleep.

You stop next to him, waiting for him to let you pass and frown when he rears back with a snarl. 

“Go shower, Omega. The stench of sex and Alpha makes me want to vomit,” Dean growls and walks away, leaving you standing at the entrance to the library, no longer able to keep the tears in.

The decision to leave is one of the hardest you’ve ever had to make. The bunker is your home, too. Still, you know you’re no longer welcome. Dean doesn’t want you, and you’ve hurt each other beyond repair. You could’ve tried to sort this mess out. You could’ve done that rather than look for a heat buddy, but had you not gone out, you’d have fallen straight back into bad habits and Dean’s bed. You had to break ties with him completely, and the only way to do that was to sleep with someone else, even if it broke both your hearts in the process.

Between the anxiety from you and Dean’s argument after the witch hunt and your heat, you’ve barely eaten for the past week. Before you leave for good, you head to the kitchen to grab something quickly, knowing it’s late enough that both Winchesters will be in their bedrooms, and you can eat and leave undetected.

“Sneaking out on us, huh? That’s mature,” Dean scoffs, and you jump, startled by his voice coming from somewhere in the dark kitchen.

“Any particular reason you’re sitting in the pitch black, Dean?” you ask, your hackles raised and ready to flee if needed.

“Answer my question first, then maybe I’ll answer yours.”

“Come on, Dean. We both know it’s not a good idea for me to stay here,” you reason.

“But this is your home,” Dean says, and where before you only heard contempt, you can now detect hurt.

“Not anymore.” You turn to leave, deciding to just forget about food so you can get the hell out of here.

“Please don’t walk away from me, Omega.”

“I told you I’m not your Omega, Dean. You��ve made that abundantly clear over the years.”

“Y/N, please, sweetheart,” he begs, and you turn to face him, your anger rising.

“No, Dean. I can’t do this with you anymore. We can’t keep doing this same dance over and over again. I want more. I need—” Your voice catches in your throat, and you swallow down the emotion that wants to spill from you. “I need to be claimed. I need to have pups. It’s in my biology, Dean, and I can’t change that. And I can’t change the fact that if I don’t settle down soon, I’ll go feral and die.”

“And you’re gonna do that with the asshat from the bar?” Dean spits back at you.

“No! I want to do it with you, but you don’t want me!” The tears spring from your eyes, and once again, you will Chuck, or whatever fucking angel is standing in his stead, to give you the strength you need to finally leave. To break this toxic bond that’s been forged under false pretences for years.

“Y/N, I do want you. I just can’t give you what you need,” Dean pleads.

“You can,” you nod with a tearful smile. “Because even if it wasn’t in the traditional way, you gave me what I needed for years. You just don’t want to.”

“No, Omega, please.”

“Goodbye, Dean.”

DEAN’S POV

Y/N has been gone for two months, and there hasn’t been a peep from her. If Sam has heard anything, he’s kept it quiet, and Dean hasn’t asked. She’s turned off the GPS on her phone and removed the tracker from her car, and anyone he’s asked in their network either hasn’t seen or heard from her or has just told him she’s fine.

He misses her laugh and her smile. He misses her comforting scent that would linger around the bunker. He misses her soft, warm body sliding into bed next to him when she’d had a nightmare or wanted to cuddle in those first few hours of her heat before her need for him changed to something more carnal.

Yet, never once did he reach out to her. She’d made it pretty clear they were done, and he’s accepted that. What he did to her was unforgivable. Still, he’s hurting, too and feels betrayed by what she did. He may not have the right, but it’s how he feels, and try as he might, he can’t change it.

As the telltale signs of his next rut make themselves known, Dean knows this will be the hardest challenge he’s faced since Y/N left, but if she could so easily toss him aside and find someone else to mate with, so could he.

Standing at the bar, Dean preens under the attention of several omegas surrounding him. It’s been a long time since he’s had so many women fawn over him, and he guesses that being with Y/N has kept them at bay all these years.

Looking towards the other end of the bar, he does a double-take. The woman has similar features to Y/N: same eye colour, same shaped face, and from what he can see, a similar figure. It’s not her, but Dean is on his feet and making his way over to her before he can think twice about it.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Dean gives the woman his most charming smile and feels his confidence soar as she giggles and looks down briefly before raising her eyes and batting her lashes at him. “The name’s Dean.”

“Carly,” she responds shyly, and Dean smirks.

“Pretty name. It suits you, Omega. Can I buy you a drink?” he drawls, using his alpha tone.

“Sure, Alpha,” she smiles sweetly, batting her eyes at him once more, and Dean knows he’s found a rut partner for the next few days.

“So, what’s your poison?” Dean asks, grabbing the bartender’s attention.

“Appletini,” Carly says, and Dean fights a scoff at the girly concoction. Y/N would’ve ordered a whiskey or an Old Fashioned if the mood struck her, none of this fruity shit that makes you question whether there’s even any alcohol in it.

“Whiskey, neat, and an appletini for the lady,” Dean says to the bartender.

“So, Dean, what’s a handsome alpha like you doing in a place like this?” Carly asks.

Glancing at her kind eyes that remind him so much of Y/N’s, he finds himself spilling everything to her. He’s not sure why he finds it easier to talk to a stranger than his own brother or even Cas, but he does.

“Look,” Dean says after an hour of talking and a few more whiskeys. “I came here intending to find an omega to ride out my rut with, but I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” he confesses. “I’m not even sure I could… physically… uh, you know.” he chuckles.

“I think that’s a wise decision, Dean,” Carly smiles kindly. “I don’t think you’re in the right frame of mind to be mating with someone new. You haven’t fully accepted that your mate left you, and it could be dangerous for both of us if we leave here together.”

“I wouldn’t say she’s my mate. I never claimed her, so…” Dean shrugs, feeling a little bad for leading her on.

“Doesn’t matter, Dean. You bonded with her intimately, and I’m guessing you stayed faithful and only had her the entire time, right?”

“I only ever wanted her,” Dean nods and swallows another whiskey.

“So, you were together like a beta couple would be, right? Like dating but not married?” Carly replies with a knowing smile, and Dean has to admit he’s never looked at his relationship with Y/N in that way before.

“I suppose we were,” he responds with a nod to the bartender for another drink.

“Do you know where she is? Can you go to her?” Carly asks.

“No,” Dean sighs. “We have some mutual friends, but they are very quiet about her whereabouts. Don’t get me wrong, I get it. I hurt her. A lot. And I wish I’d handled things differently.”

“You’ll get there, Dean,” she smiles. “And if you don’t, try begging your friends to tell you where she is and grovel until she forgives you!” Carly chuckles and squeezes his hand. “It could be an easy fix if you can overcome your fears. It’s clear you love her, and if you can give into those feelings, you’ll work it out.”

Carly hops off the barstool and pulls her purse strap over her shoulder. “Goodbye, Dean. I hope you find your girl and make things right,” she cups his cheek and winks at him before walking away and leaving him alone.

Downing the whiskey in one, Dean throws some bills on the bar and heads to the Impala. If he’s going to see himself through his rut, he’d need a lot of provisions.

It took six days, three bottles of lube, and the help of various knotting toys for Dean to come through the other side of his rut. He can’t remember the last time one had been so brutal or unforgiving. However, now he’s out and can start taking the suppressants he got from the drugstore, so he doesn’t need to go through one again.

“Hey, you alright?” Sam asks, seeing Dean at the hob, frying bacon and eggs.

“Still feeling rough, but some food and fresh air should do me good. Please tell me you found a hunt while I was out.”

“Yeah, looks like there’s a ghoul loose in Stillwater, Oklahoma.”

“Alright, then. We’ll get everything together and leave in a couple of hours.”

“Dean, are you sure you’re up for this? You still look a little… off.”

“I’m fine, Sammy. Just ready to get out of here. Been cooped up too long.”

For the next few months, that’s what they do; move from small town to small town, saving people and hunting things, and Dean? Well, he’s just peachy.

FOUR MONTHS LATER

Dean always knew the suppressants would take some getting used to. They’re the drug store variety and weren’t for long-term use. Still, the nausea and headaches are getting worse and are now accompanied by bouts of fever and a loss of appetite.

He knows his age probably isn’t helping, and the fact he’s been rejected by his mate in a roundabout way, so rejection sickness has been on his mind the past few days as his symptoms got worse.

Sam’s said he’s easier to anger than usual too, and Dean’s starting to feel constantly on edge now. He can only hope whatever this is will end soon because this fucking sucks.

Swallowing down another pill, Dean throws the pill bottle into his duffle so that he and Sam can get home, put this vampire hunt behind them, and take some time off.

Although sceptical at first, he’s now grateful he’d agreed to take a break from hunting for a couple of weeks to recoup and relax. They hadn’t stopped hunting in close to twelve weeks, and he feels awful. A little time off might be just what he needs.

“Ready to go, Dean?” Sam asks, frowning when he notices the pill bottle at the top of his brother’s bag. The younger Winchester walks over and picks it up, huffing loudly. “This is what you’ve been taking? Over the counter suppressants?”

“Yeah, so?” Dean replies.

“Dean, these aren’t for long-term use. They’re supposed to only delay a rut for a couple of weeks, not for taking every day. Why didn’t you go to a doctor and get the right thing?”

“Oh, because we have that luxury, Sammy!” Dean snaps. “‘Do you have insurance? No. What’s your address? An underground fortress in the middle of fucking nowhere.’ Seriously, you don’t see anything wrong with that? And they say you’re the smart one!” Dean scoffs and shakes his head.

“We would’ve found a way, Dean. We always do. These are probably doing more harm than good. I think it’s why you’re feeling off, and it’s only going to get worse.”

“It can’t get any worse, Sammy! Y/N left me. Nothing will ever be worse than that!” Dean yells as he grabs his bag and stalks out of the motel room, and slams the door.

Dean is agitated. So much so that even he can’t deny it. And the more he tries not to be, the worse he gets. He knows it’s annoying Sam—it’s annoying him, too—but it’s not something he has any control over. Everything is going haywire; his skin itches, sweat drips down his back, and he just wants to pick fights. That’s why he had a go at the idiot at the gas station and the douchebag from the diner. He blames Sam for that one. He wanted to keep driving, but Sammy just had to stretch his freakishly long fucking legs now, didn’t he?

When Sam finally rejoins him in the car, Dean tries to avoid his baby brother’s puppy eyes. He knows he’s fucked up. He knows he should’ve found a way to get the real thing, but the fear of a doctor telling him he’s a lost cause, that because his mate left him would mean that suppressants can’t fix him stopped him. Besides, it can’t take the ache of Y/N’s departure away. It doesn’t change the fact that as an alpha, it was his duty to claim her.

“What am I in for, Sammy?” Dean finally asks, breaking his silence on his suppressant use. He’s not sure he wants to know, but he needs to keep what’s left of his pack safe. If this ends the way he dreads, he needs to put a plan in place.

“You’ll go into a rut that can only be satisfied by uhm… your mate,” Sam says, avoiding her name so it doesn't set the older alpha off again. “And because she’s not here, you’ll go feral,” Sam sighs.

“And when I go feral, I’ll be dangerous to any omega who isn’t Y/N,” Dean finishes what Sam doesn’t say.

“I think it’s already started. I can smell your rut pheromones, but they’re… off.” Sam said.

“Listen to me, Sammy. I’m going to the safe house in Montana. I’ll let nature take its course. You will leave me there and take the Impala so I can’t get out.” Dean begins, but Sam’s quick to intervene.

“Dean, no. I can track down Y/N. When she hears what’s happening, she’ll—”

“Laugh and tell you to tell me to go fuck myself! I made my bed, Sammy. I gotta lie in it.”

“You’re signing your own death warrant!”

“Then so be it!” Dean roars, but Sam won’t back down.

“I can’t let you do that when someone can help you!”

“She won’t come because she doesn’t want me, Sam!” Dean yells. “How many times do I have to say it? She left me because I couldn’t give her what she wanted. For all we know, another alpha has already claimed her.”

“I have to try, Dean! I can’t just let you die!” Sam is trying to stay calm, not wanting to upset his brother more.

“Yeah? Well, maybe it’s what I deserve.”

“It’s not, and you know it. I’ll lock you in that cabin and take the car with me to keep you safe, but I will find Y/N.”

“Fine. I can’t stop you,” Dean relents. “But when she tells you she’s done with me, you will leave me there, and whatever happens, happens. Deal?”

“Deal,” Sam agrees reluctantly.

Next Chapter>>

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[katrinaiceheart]

Hello one and all!

i saw that pinned posts were like a thing to like introduce oneself on here now?

okie doke~ I’m open to gaining new mutuals :3

If you had to call me something I’d probably say Kat or Bek or smth. I am 24, and have a degree in web design and development. Which you would think my blog would look better but you’d be wroooong. I was on this hellsite a long time ago, slightly less long time ago, and i am back again because reddit sploded. Always debating on leaving again because Jesus Christ.

When it comes to my alphabet status (/joke), I am pansexual, polyamorous (married to my nesting partner), gray-demisexual, and graygender. I use she/they pronouns but i don’t really care, and any of this is subject to change at any point. However, I will destroy anyone not respecting other people’s orientations and identities. >:(

When it comes to this blog, I will mostly be reposting memes, text posts and lgbt+ content as well as some activism and important things.

However, my fandom interests are currently are Critical Role, d20 and DND, The Owl House, some Anime (mob psycho 100 and dungeon Meshi RN) and VTubers, Bluey, Gravity Falls, Spiderverse, and a biiiit of ROTTMNT. I will probably add and subtract as I please. Unfortunately, I do not participate in the Hetalia community as much anymore (Formerly I was “the real life APH PA”) but eventually nostalgia might come for me. I am still mad about my box set. But mutual feel free to stick around ❤️ I love seeing you guys.

If you want to see more of something, feel free to let me know! Ask or DM. Please. I’m begging you. I like friends.

FREE PALESTINE!

alright now for warnings: 

Minors: 13+ please, enter at your own risk. I would label my blog as DNI if i felt it was inappropriate, but I don’t think it is? I know ya’ll hear worse at school, so consider this like a big sister blog. I feel most of the subject matter I reblog is either entertaining or important. Content warnings: harsh language, mild sexual themes and references but never explicit material, mild violence and world/US news *Most importantly though Please be safe on the internet tho. I am not responsible for you, you are. Duck out if you are not comfortable, it’s always ok to do that. BE SAFE*

Tagging: i barely tag things guys i am so sorry. but like enter at your own risk especially if you have triggers. It’s not that i don’t care, its that I forget and am super duper lazy :( (but at least I am honest). 

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Other:

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Please feel free to interact with me or send me memes. (I promise I will try not to bite!)

Always happy to have a mutual :)

[queencvbra]

Important things to remember !

I can be slow. I have a life outside of tumblr. Sometimes I will reply in 0.2 seconds, sometimes it will take me a couple of weeks, more or less. It all depends on my energy and what my muse is leaning towards at the moment, plus there are a lot of factors like my irl schedule, my family, or my mental and physical health that can affect how much time and energy I can spare for writing. I literally have things in my drafts from three months ago because I am a Mess. My reply speed isn't a direct reflection of my interest, and if for any reason either of us decides we're not feeling a thread anymore, that's fine. And it IS okay to ask and make sure I got your reply / starter / ask / etc if you think I might have missed it bc I am forgetful and tumblr's notifications suck most of the time, I don't consider that to be pressuring me.

I have bad social anxiety. I'm working on getting better about it and have been for the past several years, but I have a disorder, so sometimes I'm having to actively work against my own funky brain chemistry. I'm not the greatest at reaching out or carrying on conversations; I'm shy, and I blank out a lot. Even if we're friends and have known each other for a while, I still have these moments, and it's never personal. I welcome ooc communication, but I know I'm not always the best at it, and I know I'm not the only one who has to deal with social anxiety so besties I promise you I understand and will never be mad if we're not talking 24/7. I just want the same understanding in return, bc how much I do or do not talk ooc is not an indicator of my interest in you as a person or your muses, it's literally just my anxiety and has nothing to do with you. We're good, I promise.

I suck at plotting things to an extent. I'm better with general directions and ideas of where we want things to go, but leaving things flexible for our muses to do their thing. Some threads do work better with more detailed plotting, but for the most part I'm perfectly fine winging everything, so there's no pressure to have some perfect plotline already scripted out before you come plot with me. Literally just throw a vague idea at me or be like "hey I think x and y should interact" and we can go from there.

I am following you because I like you and your muse(s) and your presence on my dash. I don't follow people just for the sake of following, it makes my dash feel anxious and crowded, so if I'm following you, then yes I am interested in writing with you! You are not here to pad my follower count and I am not here to pad yours. And there is no time limit here, I won't unfollow just because we didn't interact in the first two weeks or whatever. Sometimes it is harder to come up with interactions between certain muses, but if you're a chill person the odds are I'll probably just keep following you anyway because I like reading what you write, too.

I love you <3 You belong here even if you don't feel like it sometimes. If you ever think "I wonder if anyone would actually care if I deleted and left" the answer is yes. Always yes. Take care of yourself. Drink your water, take your meds, and get some rest. Tumblr can get overwhelming so don't be afraid to take breaks when you need them, and remember that just because you decided to take a break it doesn't mean everyone suddenly stopped caring or forgot about you. You matter to the people around you a lot more than you think you do, don't let the general negativity and selfish behavior on this hellsite convince you otherwise. Write with your friends and do what makes you happy, no one is entitled to shit here and this community can only function if we learn to treat each other like people again and not writing machines.

[pcrfectstorms]

🔥

Send me a “ 🔥 “ for an unpopular opinion. Bonus points if you include a topic. ( IE. shipping, roleplaying, ect. )

ok, so lets talk shipping, and what i mean by that largely is lets talk this fandoms lack of naunced takes when it comes to arguing for your favourite f/m ship over a queer one. firstly, lets not pretend the fetishization of mlm ships isn't real, i've been in famdom long enough to know and have witnessed that. but lets also remember that there is NAUNCE to what is and isn't fetishization. i, a queer, nonbinary person will ALWAYS prioratize queer ships over cishet ones, that includes lesbian, gay, t4t ships and anything in between, anything that isn't cishet is always going to be more appealing to me bc i am queer, and i write what i know which is gay, gay and more gay. this argument that the popularity of mlm ships like steddie and harringrove are 'only' popular bc the cishet girlies be fetishizing gay men isn't the hot take you think it is, not when:

1) fandom on tumblr is and always has been dominated by queer ship and queer muns 2) if you're arguring a m/f ship in favour of a NON-PROBLEMATIC (and frankly i'd argue that both steddie and harringrove are, come at me all you like two boys having a fight doesn't make their romantic compatability nul and void, they're teenagers ffs) gay ship that's ALWAYS going to come across as homophobia lite, and always gonna give me the ick.

3) not every mun on this hellsite is a women, there are plenty trans, nonbinary and cismale writers who ALSO want to represent what they know and love, how are y'all gonna arugue that queer people are 'fetishizing' other queer people bc of their shipping preferences? do you know how dumb that sounds?

i also wanna talk about why i don't ship stancy > steddie, and newsflash it's not bc i'm horny for gay men. stancy for me has never really been appealing, Nancy represents something Steve is not anymore, she represents something he has worked so hard to distance himself from and grown from, nancy will always be steve's first big love, she will always be important to him, but ultimately they are not compatable for a number of reasons. nancy lacks the emotional vulnerability (through no fault of her own, thanks for that karen and ted wheeler) to give steve what he needs, he comes from an equally fucked up family life where love has clearly never been given freely, steve is so touch starved and wants to be loved so bad, you can see it in the scenes from when him and nancy were dating, the way he would always be touching her in some sort of way, he craves love and emotional intimacy so badly but he doesn't quiet know how to seek it out. for steve, nancy represents this thing that got away, this loss, this love he wasn't worthy of, and i think at least from how i see it that is why he is still hung up on her (although, i argue that's mostly down to POOR WRITING since steve moved past nancy in s3).

steve and nancy want different things in life, nancy is career driven and focused (at least she use to be before she was victim to the duffers inability to give her any fucking developement beyond the same boring love triangle) steve is very family focused and he craves that bc of how his parents never really gave a shit, he has something to prove, he wants to be the dad he WISHED he had, that whole 'six nuggets' thing made me want to scratch my eyes out, because it was so OOC for one, and for two Steve fucking knowns nancy wheeler BETTER THAN THAT, steve knows nancy has a fucking boyfriend, and frankly the fact stancy shippers seem to forget this is astonishing to me.

nancy and jonathan are together when her and steve are on their end of the world longing looks bullshit, at the end of the day neither steve or nancy are capable of being in a relationship in canon as it stands in my opinion, they both have a lot of emoitonal growth and things to work though before they should be jumping into a relationship with anyone, much less each other, they have spend the last four years thoroughly traumatized by everything they have gone though, and that i think is what lead to the misplaced emotions and feelings in vol 2 between Steve and Nancy. they're trauma bonded, and while they can see comfort in each other in ways that outsiders couldn't give them, it doesn't make it healthy. Nancy deserves to go to college and live he dream without the same two fucking high school boyfriends, who frankly don't deserve her, she deserves to have a storyline that isn't centered around two boys who she can't even communicate affectively with, like steve and nancy dated for a few months when she was in sopphmore year, steve is now almost twenty, nancy is about to go off to college, they both need to move on with their lives and stop living in the past.

steve and eddie for me represent something new, a new beginning, in every sense of the word, for me, steve was so facinated by eddie in the sort of way that eddie was everything he wishes he could be, so unapologetically himself in spite of how he was treated for it, steve seen a bravemess in eddie he doesn't see in himself. they had to much potential for a beautiful, naunced love story, a chance for steve to find himself, and in eddie find that emotional intimacy and love he has craved for so long. and the fucking tragic 'almost' part of steve and eddie is what has me crying about them 7 months later, that almost tope will never not fucking destroy me, and ironically my another favourite almost ship is a cishet ship, its addison and mark from grey's anatomy, so hey ho will you look at that i don't hate the hetties after all!

anyway, this has been my hot take, unpopular opinion, however you wanna call it, cancel me for all i care i'll never stop shipping my loves, and ya know what, they do have hot sex, bc they're hot people. personality wise > looks wise too. personalities? sexy as fuck. hair? sexy as fuck. XD and while we're at it T4T steddie will always be steddie supremcy for me, so suck it up bitches i hc your two fave cis boys as trans on the daily lmao.

[the-rogue-dragon]

@notenoughmuses​ sent the salty meme a long time ago;

☠ What does someone have to do for an instant unfollow from you?

It depends, but if you’re trying to manipulate me or not respecting my boundaries, there is a huge possibility you will be a goner.

♥ What's the WORST thing that has happened to you rp wise?

Being stalked.

♦ What was a mildly annoying thing that has happened to you rp wise?

Being treated like a newbie because I do not write how certain people prefers. I will never write to accomodate to others, there are things like prose that I will never try, because it just sounds empty and pretentious as fuck.

♢ Has anyone ever tried to steal your blog? Your headcanons? Icons? All that jazz

I don’t think I’ve endured that, and hope to never endure that. There is nothing more disrespectful than such. Besides, use your imagination, for headcanons, it’s not that hard.

✮ Have you managed to stay away from drama?

Unfortunately not. But now I’m far too old to endure it, so I will just block whoever and move on. I’m not interested in all that shit.

☀ What's your rp pet peeve?

I have many, but one of them is writers who ignore other writers because they either don’t have an aesthetic, or the aesthetic is not ‘cool’ enough. Like I’m here to write not for the decoration. Btw I love aesthetics, fancy promos, fancy replies and all that jazz, like anyone, but if you don’t have icons I would still write with you.

☢ What fads/trends are you so over?

I never know what’s on trend anymore xD

❀ What has made you completely lose your chill?

People who think they own my time and that I have to be there for them 24/7. I’ve a life buddy, and it comes first than a reply.

✂ A fandom that you feel isn't open and accepting?

Been told Marvel fandom is complicated. Never been there to experience it.

✉ A fandom that you feel is open and accepting?

For now this one.

✦ Thoughts on duplicates following you?

I’ve lost the count of how many duplies are following me at this point, and I love them all. It’s like a multiverse of hot characters x’D

❥ Has someone ever ruined an FC or character for you?

An entire fandom even...

✖ How has Tumblr RP changed since you started?

Back in the day we could reblog smutty gifs, now they aren’t allowed anymore x’D I think the hellsite changed more but I don’t remember. I think I remember more about the smut because of how hilarious the process of removing it was, when they would flag even cats. It was a whole experience.

♒ Thoughts on the fandom you're currently rping in?

Quite interesting, but it’s starting to annoy me the ‘sides’ and how angry some people gets over one side or the other, like guys don’t forget this is fiction and all of them are going to die anyway xD

❣ How salty are you feeling right now?

Not salty at all!

[ahogehope]

Just realized I could post my BB:DW translations on here too so more people can see them... gonna go do that now ;;

[antiloreolympus]

May I ask why you dislike LO? I enjoy reading the series, and there are faults in the writing (as no series is perfect) and I have my own gripes with it, but overall I just really like the myth of Hades and Persephone.

I'll admit there were things that made me uncomfortable when I first started reading it (and they still kinda do) like Persephone being a teenager while Hades is, what - 40-60ish? The timeline (of the story taking place over the course of only a few weeks, when a Lot of stuff is going on), Hera the goddess of marriage having an affair, Demeter being an overbearing mother who financially takes advantage of her daughter, some of the flashbacks (like specifically the one where a much younger Kore meets a drunken Hades and falls on top of him while naked? And its played off as a meet cute)

But thats besides the point - I'm curious as to why you don't like LO and/or the creator of it I guess?

Also your posts are showing up in the lore Olympus tag - (and I know there's probably a seperate "anti-lo" tag but I also wouldn't be surprised if angry anons came into your inbox for spamming the tag of the webcomic they like with criticism, because apparently thats what people do on this hellsite instead of just blocking). And, of course your entitled to critique the series, but I'm sure some people are not going to be happy about that. (I say this as a person who enjoys critiquing media, like netflix's spop reboot, and have had angry anons come at me before, so stay safe out there).

Also, sorry this is so long.

Heyo! And I understand

I'll take this time to get into why I don't like each character as it's one of the reasons I don't like LO as a whole:

(Some I removed because there isn't much to say about them)

Main Characters:

• Hades - Man in his Late 30s to Early 40s actively pursuing a 'teenaged girl'.... He acknowledged that this was wrong at yet pursues her anyway? Plus, he's perfectly fine with slave labor and using his power/status to get his way. His character is also inconsistent when it comes to Minthe because one minute he can stand up for himself and the next he's terrified?

• Persephone - An overly sexualized teen who acts like a child. She also killed people but it was because of a 'feeling'. She still committed murder and yet it's framed as a "well, it's not her fault" but I'm also supposed to believe this 19-20 yr old would make a great and feared queen.

• Hera - Not only does she treat the lower class like garbage but she's also a hypocrite (the affair). Plus, she just randomly goes back on her word about Hades being a creep for no reason.

• Eros - Put a girl in some random dude's car and gave her "apology donuts" as a sorry gift 😒

Antagonists:

• Minthe - She was coded with bpd which wouldn't be a bad thing if she wasn't so demonized by the story.

• Apollo - How come this dude is one of the most prevalent people in the story and we don't get a strong motive for him until season 2? Even then, we barely know anything else about him. I get the whole "well, he did this so I don't want a backstory for him" but at least give him a solid motive. One that comes from him directly.

• Thetis - One of the sweetest people gets turned into a homewrecker for no reason. Even then, people gloss over her being verbally manipulative to Minthe.

• Leto - Also verbally manipulative to her daughter. How comes RS decided to demonize the goddess of motherhood, too? There's really no justifiable reason for that.

Others: 

• Hecate  - Also switched up about Hades and Persephone. Let's not forget her hitting Hades 3 times and him having to tell her to stop.

• Artemis - I get letting her brother in the house but Eros and Hermes? That's just inconsistency right there.

• Demeter - Got demonized for the 5973th time 😔🤚

• Aphrodite - Also rude to the lower class but it makes more sense as she's Aphrodite. Still rude af though.

• Hermes - Man got mad at Thanatos for "messing with his money" as if he didn't cover the whole thing up with Demeter      

• Hestia + Athena - Just hypocrites and the fact that they're supposed to be (aro)ace goddesses.

• Ares - He and Persephone also made out when she was 18 and I assume he was way, way older. Plus, him simping for Persephone in front of Aphrodite was an odd move.

• Hephaestus - This issue has more to do with RS's writing because how the hell did he hack Apollo's phone from Persephone's sim card alone and why is that just never explained?

• Daphne - Excusing nepotism as if Thanatos doesn't work in the same place as Persephone

Now, onto the story:

Its pacing is slow but also extremely fast for what it is. Everything (excluding flashbacks) has taken place over the course of 2-3 weeks. Persephone literally gets SA'd the day after the party. But then you have to think about how Persephone and Hades are probably going to get married like a month after their second meeting. We haven't even gotten to the trial yet and it feels like we never will with how slow everything is. LO honestly isn't made to be like a regular webtoon, it's made to be binged like a Netflix show or something. That would be fine but I can tell from interviews that it wasn't RS's intentions.

Also, RS herself? Yeah, don't really vibe with what she says a good portion of the time

I'll show some examples:

Not all of them are bad, just very weird

Besides the wonky art, she does have potential but LO doesn't really show her skill. Hopefully, she does learn from this comic though.

About the hate, I honestly don't care that much anymore as it really doesn't change much. I respond but only because I find it funny/entertaining when someone tries to tells me what to do with my own freetime.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

sometime in this last week, or this week coming, my blog has turned/turns 10. god. a decade old. a whole ass chunk of my life i’ve spent on this hellsite. when i began on here, i was a kid. a lost, lonely, depressed and anxious 15/16 year old kid. a kid scared of her future. a kid confused about her future. what to do for uni. to change schools or not??? to do drama/acting at uni or english/philosophy or to move 8hrs away to another regional uni to “escape” her “washed up, dead end hometown” that was so typical of all the pop-punk music that she was listening to at the time.

she was a tad overdramatic, loud, “funny” (as described by her school friends) and terribly forgetful in regards to homework and school assignments. she was angry at the world, most especially the catholic school she was fucking sick and tired of attending. but she was convinced that since she was the so-called “funny girl”, that she simply couldn’t be depressed or anxious. she believed herself unloveable because she didn’t look like a weird mixture of hayley williams and emo-pop queen lights. but now, i no longer believe that i have to look like the women that i looked up to in the ~emo scene~. fuck beauty standards. i am loveable.

in the years since joining tumblr, i’ve managed to get through business college, my undergrad degree and, well, failed out of postgrad due to obvious burnout and health issues amongst other things. although i’ve lost many friends irl and many followers/mutuals online on here. for those who’ve stuck around to see me get through all of this, thank you. to all the friends/casual mutuals that have since deactivated or only followed me for a short time then unfollowed; thank you.

like obviously i was never/have never been a massive popular blog on here, like thebootydiaries or vampireapologist (who has since deactivated a couple of months ago) with tens of thousands of followers. my follower count is still close to the 8,000 range at 7,892. obviously that’s still a lot of people (and of course, porn bots lmao and many, many non-active blogs), enough like one super old post from like 2012 tumblr pointed out, enough for a small to medium sized city or town, or something like that. i don’t know how many people i’ve really reached. i really don’t know how i actually amassed this small army of people.

i am aware though, that on other platforms like snapchat (lmao does anyone even use it anymore in 2021???)/instagram/youtube/tiktok etc, i’d PROBABLY be considered as some type of ~micro influencer (🤮🤮)~. hell, i actually had a bot slide into my notes about being one on here on this hellsite back in 2019. i don’t know if i’ve ever actually ~influenced~ anyone on here with my shitposts (when i started making some) or my personal posts. i don’t know my reach. even though, now, i do occasionally get featured on buzzfeed listicles (although pay me buzzfeed along with the OPs of those original embedded posts), i still don’t know how many people i’ve reached… and even with my very occasional checks of google analytics lmao. on top of this, grappling with the loss of followers at times is much, much easier than it was when i began on here and the first few years following that. i know that my follower count doesn’t determine my worth and stuff.

but over these 10 years, i have grown. i turn 26 this year. back in 2011, 15/16yo me never thought she’d be here. she was partially down the suicidal thoughts hole, with things about ~picturing her funeral and wondering who’d bother to turn up. if only she could pretend to be dead for a day to see who’d give a fuck~ and 16-18yo me was defs down it with her HSC hellscape thoughts in 2012/2013. that 3rd floor tafe/tech women’s bathroom window drop and the thought of scarring her class for life (and that cool dude from catholic school that she crushed on who ended up at tafe with her) with jumping out of it onto the concrete below. instead, she just posted on fb about ~being a failure~ etc which ultimately did lose her a bunch of facebook friends lmao. it was practically the same thing. her mental breakdown after the end of her hsc, where she let her earrings go green and get infected in her ears because “fuck self care, bc what the fuck is it??? i’ll never get better! let me fucking wallow in my self loathing bc it’s the only thing that i’m fucking good at!!!” so i no longer have my ears pierced. oh! it was just all too fucking much!!

i am happier today. i no longer have those semi-suicidal thoughts. hell, i almost died in 2020 from a fucking bowel aneurysm, after my stomach tumour excision surgery. that forced me to put things into perspective. i appreciate the little things . i appreciate the very few friends that i actually have. yes. i’m still depressed and anxious. some days are still shitty and hard. but nowhere as hard and shitty as they were back when i began on here 10 years ago.

how the fuck last 10 years have gone past, with my ass on here; clearing out my blog and caring more about doing that than my uni work (lmao whoops); having made some lifelong friends both internationally (from the US) and long distance domestically in australia, it’s been a long ride; i honestly have no fucking idea. obviously over these past 10 years, i’ve debated with myself over and over and over again whether i should delete/deactivate this account or not. would it make me healthier??? more than likely. but then when i have meltdowns or just inner ramblings i have to get out somewhere, where else to post??? on fb?? obvs not. it’s “attention seeking” or the like on there. no one will read them. no one will resonate. but on here??? even if i got/get one “like” in the notes or one “yo i feel this” response in the tags or replies, it feels like i’ve reached someone??? okay yeah. i know this place IS NOT therapy and i’m not using my followers as amateur (or probs even actual professional) armchair psychologists…. which is a thing i think people need to stop doing internet-wide: but that’s a whole other post that i reblogged a few days ago lmao. i really need to get another therapist, actually lmao.

but it’s the community i’ve found hard to leave. i have what feel like friends, when i’ve never been employed (still as of yet); and when all of my irl friends/acquaintances are working and doing the whole ~adulting~ and ~grown up life~ thing right. it’s also the frenzied rabidness of spite with hating staff’s godawful ideas. the memes. oh the memes. and also the RaWrInG 20s XD emo scene reemergence on here that’s kept me here. the messy petty drama from time to time of big blogs fighting it out.

this place really is bizarre and fun sometimes. and also the fact that i can still hide behind the ridiculous “roaring pikachu” URL that i made all those years ago. i am anonymous. it’s freeing. but on fb it’s all like “WHY WONT YOU ADD A BANNER IMAGE AND TELL US 20 FUN FACTS ABOUT YOU!!!!!???? LET PEOPLE WHO HAVENT SPOKEN TO YOU IN 10 YEARS KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU BECAUSE WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE!!!” and the same goes for Corporate Hellscape Facebook™️ (linkedin) but in the professional sense instead. y’all know fuck all about me really. besides my posts. and i love that and live for that. okay yeah. y’all know more about my mental health than my fb feed obvs… which is probably a terribly unfortunate thing. but still.

over the last 10 years then, my superiority complex for being ~so original and intelligent~ or whatever the fuck i had in high school, has all but ebbed away. i’m not that smart just because i went to uni. hell, i literally did NONE of my in-class work and none of my philosophy readings in uni….. so i have fuck all idea of how i got through undergrad like that lmao. i’m not original when so many people can articulate the same thoughts that i have, but like, sometimes better, on a post (even though sometimes/most of the time the Tumblr User Hot Takes Tuesday™️ takes on here are fucking awful lmao). but still. originality is not something i really have anymore. or really had in the first place lmao.

so will i deactivate after these 10 years, like i’ve been saying for so, so long??? i honestly have no idea. but just know. thanks guise. have a nice gpoy selfie day XD. grab your wands. your tardises. grab your war paint. grab your whatever the fuck other fandom specific stuff that was one that hella cringe post from 2011 til 2015 random tumblr. that relic is as old as time itself. just as this mysterious roaring pikachu is for someone whose too loyal to leave this W E B B E D H E L L S I T E that’s just as much of a train wreck as she is. lmao.

[patchofsunlight]

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

hey everyone!! i’m finally home!! and i’m,,, super late to this appreciation post thing but i’d really like to thank everyone here for this year. i really can’t put into words how important starting this blog was for me, so i’ll just settle for a thank you.

to my followers, who always made me feel loved and important. thank you for every comment, like, and reblog. i never will be quite able to understand why so many people follow my blog and read my writing but i’m really glad you all do. i’m really, really grateful for all of you. thank you for being around (no matter how much present you were, i see you, and i appreciate you) and for making my life so much better this year.

to my anons, that make me smile with their little messages and snippets of their daily life. i appreciate all of you so, so much. the mere thought of people actively wanting to talk to me like that makes me swoon, and i’m not kidding when i say talking to you all makes me incredibly happy, and i wait excitedly for all new updates, new asks, new stories, and i always miss you when you’re gone for too long. thank you so, so much for being my friends. ily mwah

to my mutuals, thank you for putting up with me LMAOOO okay okay for real tho, i appreciate and admire each of you so much. god you’re all so TALENTED and AMAZING and FUNNY and seeing you show up on my dash makes me happy every time. i love all of you no matter how much we actually talk to each other. you guys make me feel glad i exist every day. thank you so much for being a part of my life, and for being my friends. i love you!!!!

to @shegosato, you know how much you mean to me. you know how much i cherish all our little talks and laughs and just- everything. jenny, i appreciate you so, so much. since the first day we ever talked, you quickly became a person incredibly important in my life, someone i crave to talk to all the time. you’re so talented and smart and just— UGH INCREDIBLE and i love you so much. so much. thank you for being my friend this year. i’m really grateful that you exist. i love you.

to @firebendersimp, i don’t even know where to start. talking to you and laughing with (and at hehe) you is probably one of my favorite things in the world. cat, you never fail to make my day brighter. i’m so happy to have known you this year. i hope we can keep on annoying each other for a LONG, long time, because not a lot of things make me happier than joking around with you. i love you baby!!! you’re so talented and beautiful and i love you very, very much.

to @randomfangirl82​, BABYYYY UGH I LOVE YOU. SO MUCH. you were my first ever mutual in this hellsite and i’m really glad it was you — that out of so many people in the internet, it was you. i love you. you’re so talented. i’m so proud of you, so proud. ily, erin!!! very very much, okay?? don’t forget that.

to @alittlebitofcinnamon​, i appreciate you so much wtf....... emma you’re just the SWEETEST and i adore you. i really do. mwah hope you’re doing well!!! ily!!!

to @bbykutos​, thank you so much for all the love and support you’ve shown me this year. you’re so talented and i’m so glad you’re my friend, for real. i hope you’re doing well and i’m excited for you to come back from your hiatus, because the world CANNOT go on without your top tier writing. ily!!!

to @azucanela​, honey!!! honey!!!!!!! god you are SO talented. SO talented. i’m so impressed every time i read anything you write, oh my god. you’re just— canela, you’re so funny and talented and nice and fun to talk to and i adore you. i do. talking to you always makes me happy and i’m excited to talk to you even more this year. i love you.

to @strawberry-tea​, i love you!!!!!!!! i love you!!!!!!!! the support!!!!!! the love!!!!! your earrings!!!!!! god i love your earrings!!!!!!!! poppy!!!!!! how do i even begin to tell you how much i appreciate you!!! you!!! all our asks!!! all our talks!!! all your comments!!!!! god i love you so much. i really do. *blows a kiss to the wind* it’s for poppy. *blows a hug to the wind* it’s also for poppy

to @kiedhara​, my emotional support and drinking water reminder <3 LMAOO HEIDY YOU’RE,,,, THE BEST!!! you’re incredible and i love you so much and your opinion always means so much to me. thank you so much for being my friend. you genuinely make me so happy and i’m so glad we became friends. i love you.

to @simpinforsukka​, you’re the funniest, hottest shit in this site, and i’ll fight people on it. EJKGBEIUFB LMAO brenda ily. i do. hope you’re doing well. we haven’t talked in a while but i love you. thank you for being my friend mwah

to @ray-ofmoonlight​, a thousand heart emojis. a million heart emojis. all the heart emojis. i love you so much. your asks back when you were my anon made me so happy, and i loved talking to you. i still do. moonie, you’re such an incredible, talented, hard-working person, and i admire you so much. thank you for being my friend. i love you

to @xxoperatexx​, LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! I LOVE YOU!! I LOVE YOU!!! you’re the best ily mwah mwah mwah

to @call-me-maybe-call-me-cola​ and @loversamongus​, i love both of you more than i could ever express. talking to both of you just makes my DAY, and playing among us with you is always just the biggest fun ever. cola, thank you for never failing on making me laugh, never failing on making me happy. wave, thank you for being one of the funniest, kindest people i know. you were one of my first anons ever and you mean so, so much to me. you always will. thank you for being in my life, both of you. i love you <3

to @samsmultifandomblogs​, MY FIRST EVER ANON WHATTTT i know we don’t talk as much anymore but your support got me through so much shit, it really did, and i have no words to thank you for it. ily. thank you so much.

to @skylightlantern​, my little light in the dark. lia, i love you so much that not even timezones can keep us apart. you’re such a talented, sweet, incredible person, and i’m so glad to have you in my life. you have no idea how much you mean to me and how much i appreciate every single thing you do or say. thank you for being my friend, thank you for being in my life. i love you <3

i might have forgotten some people but, either way, know that i appreciate everyone in this hellsite. i love you guys!!! and i’m bad at making appreciation posts i’m so sorry. hope you all have an amazing 2021!!! let’s fucking GO Y’ALL LET’S FUCKING GO

[damntender]

            BECAUSE    I    HAVE    SO    MUCH    LOVE    TO    GIVE    . okay, first off I JUST HIT 100 FOLLOWERS after a matter of like 6 days... how???   ----  though i’m completely unsure why people stick around, or love me or even want to roleplay with my trash ass. i’ve not had an easy time with some horrendous experiences in this community and i wanted to give some love to the people that keep me staying, because all i wanna do is yell about them all the time.  azalea has been a crutch to me in the hardest times of my life, i created her after the loss of my grampa and all my anguish and pain went into trying to do something positive, and with the amount of loss in my life, it was nice to do something beneficial.  and i look back to creating her, and meeting all these incredible individuals along the way, and it’s honestly a blessing.  i wasn’t going to bring her back, but the response i’ve had, the love, the hype has honestly melted my heart and i could never ever thank anyone enough for that. but here, have me shouting about my love for you all in a post <333 

IF I MISS ANYONE,  I’M TRULY SORRY.  IT’S MY ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER FUCKING ME OVER. but i love you all <3333 

so some special mentions ( or a lot bc i can’t CHOOSE ),  these are people i talk to regularly, that i consider my best, and closest friends on this hellsite. you don’t know how much impact you’ve had on my life, but i have to let you know.  they are in NO particular order,  just the list i’ve written down on my notebook, because i have add and it’s a fucking party in my brain lmao. :))) 

@damncockroach  /  @damnbrazen  -----  becks, my love,  my aNGEL,  my bestie.  you don’t even need me to say how much you mean to me, or how much i love you because i try to make sure i remind you constantly.  you came into my life in a time that i really fucking needed someone,  someone to show me what true best friends are,  to pick me up, to be there and just ??? never leave.  someone i can count on constantly, and you’re always willing to help me. to shower me with hype and love, and i’ve lost count how many times i’ve cried down the phone to you and you’ve calmed me down, and given the best advice, or made me feel valid in my emotions.  you don’t know the impact you have on people becks, you’re honestly one of the best people i’ve met in my entire life. i know they say you get soul mates in forms of best friends, and i truly believe you’re mine.  you’ve been there for me through some of the most horrendous times in my entire life,  and you stood by me and that in itself deserves a medal.  i love you more than words could ever possibly express, and i count myself extremely lucky to call you my best friend, i honestly appreciate you so much.  you just get me,  we can communicate in person with just looks, and that proves our bond tbh.  you’re my rock.  getting to know you,  to know you out of writing and exist in a writing world with you is incredibly special,  and like you said in your original tags:  in fantasy and reality,  till death do us part.  i don’t think i’ve ever had a friend who is so selfless,  so down to earth,  and so compassionate and puts people before themselves until you.  i’ll always be here to remind you what a BABE you are,  how incredibly vital you are to not only me but to this world.  your one of the good ones.  and your talent?? is fucking astounding,  i get to be inspired by you and write with you and just learn from your insane gift,  because you breathe life into words.  you gift me with replies,  with characters and i scream over them forever,  and i can’t even say how in awe i am of you.  the love and depth you put into crafting your ocs,  or putting them into canons too,  just is crazy,  and i will never stop yelling about you.   you deserve all the hype, both in the roleplay world and the real world.  five years of friendship aNGEL !!!! i can’t wait for us to be besties when we’re 80 and can bitch about people still.  what i’m trying to say is, you’ve saved my life, more times than you know, and i wouldn’t still be breathing without you.  i owe you a load for that, and i love you endlessly, more than words could ever capture.  you make this rpc worth being in,  because with you beside me,  i can face anything.  i love you bubba,  so much.  i’m so proud of the person you’ve become,  who you are,  you’re a diamond and i am blessed to know you.  keep being your kickass self <3333 

@damnbrutal  /  @fearmer  /  @phoenique  -----  lunaaa ,  my love ,  the sweetest of angels.  my lil norwegian babe !!!! is there even words to sum you up either??? let me start by saying how i can’t encapsulate how sweet you are,  you’re like sunshine personified.  literally,  the brightest light and you deserve the fucking world, honestly.  meeting you was always meant to be, i truly believe that,  and i can’t ever say how much i love you.  you have been there to capture me when i fall,  to offer insane words of wisdom that comfort me,  to bless me with your presence when i’m breaking over voice chat.  when my grampa was dying,  or had died,  you were the biggest comfort,  you have no idea how much your presence,  your pure heart helped me out of such a horrendous place. you got how i was feeling,  you were sensitive to the subject,  and careful and you put your heart and soul into bringing me into a lighter place.  i can’t even express how much i’m gonna give you a MASSIVE squeeze when we see each other finally!!!!  you are one of the best human beings i’ve ever met,  just the most down to earth,  so pure,  so willing to help others,  and i can’t ever thank you or yell about you enough.  you give such a HUGE amount to your friends,  you’re always there to lend a ear, to offer us support across the ocean,  and i truly can’t even express how much that means.  you’re a fucking diamond, okay??? let’s get yelling about your talent,  your creativity will forever astound me.  from your writing to your graphics,  you’re truly fucking gifted,  and i’ve learned so much off you.  you’re a fucking inspiration in itself.  you’ve always shown me that i have the strength to overpower such negative forces in my life, and keep going, and i can’t ever thank you enough for that honestly, like i don’t think words will ever be as sufficient enough. you’ve put such love into your original characters, like mazia owns my aSS you know this, she is so fucking important to not only azalea but to me.  because you blessed me with this incredibly creative and in depth crafted character and i love her like she’s my own character.  you can truly see how much you love writing her, and the craft and everything and i truly believe you’re one of the best writers on this site.  our babies and their bond make me SOB, like they hit me right in the heart and i still weep over how mazia comes down to find out her best friend, her soul mate is gone.  they have a bond that WE have, we bled that into them, i can see that so clearly, like you’re my person. and i adore u <333  let’s not forget about the love of theo’s life either, odETTE. he adores her. god i get emo just thinking about them, and every single one of our babies.  it’s INSANE to me that someone who lives across the world can mean more to me than the majority of the friends i’ve known in real life.  you’re just SO important to me. i just love you a whole lot, words won’t ever capture it, and i appreciate you, i’m so grateful. thank u for being u. <3333

@hewolf  -------  ANI,  the loml.  while we haven’t wrote on here,  it didn’t feel right NOT including you,  because you’ve been in my life since day one of roleplay.  like when i look back for a constant in my life,  there you are,  making me laugh and being your INSANE, and down to earth self.  god,  how am i ever supposed to put into words just how much i love you?? like you know it knows NO bounds.  i don’t think there’s a person other than family for me who’s been there for me through everything in my life,  from start to finish of all the bullshit i’ve been through,  other than you.  you were there when i got my heart broken for the first time,  when i lost my gran,  grampa and my other grampa,  when i had a miscarriage,  you have been there and picked me up when i felt like i didn’t wanna be here anymore.  and you did it like it was NOTHING,  like it was easy,  and i’m so inspired by you as a person.  by your strength,  and you’re honestly the most hilarious person i’ve ever met.  like i can’t say how much i look forward to your snapchats every day,  how much they make me smile and laugh,  especially in our current predicament of the pandemic.  you’re a true joy,  and you’ve been there to support me always.  can you believe we’ve been besties for ten years next year???? like it’s crazy to me.  i just know that you’re someone i’m gonna have in my life forever,  and i don’t ever want to NOT have you around.  i know lately you’ve had the WORST time,  and i can relate to it,  all i wanna do is be there as best i can,  and it’s hard with shit going on,  i wish i could drive up to you and just give you a squeeze and try and take your mind off it all.  but i can’t.  and that sucks !!!! god,  do you remember where we started???? facebook fuckin roleplay??? i cringe at the thought but they are times i truly hold dear to my heart,  because i look at the development we’ve both had over the years as writers,  though you’ve ALWAYS been an incredible writer.  i look back at myself and i’m like?? who fuckin let her write??? you’re the reason i joined tumblr roleplay,  like you dragged my ass to it,  and it’s insane how long it’s been,  how much my life has changed.  you’re so down to earth,  and out of everyone i’ve met on this hell site,  and in life in general,  you’re one of the most REAL individuals i’ve met and it’s so inspiring??? you’re just so eloquent in your writing and you should have MORE FAITH in yourself because bubby you’re so talented.  i adore you so much,  words will never capture it.  i know that i can legit just ring you like i have previous,  crying down the phone and you’ll be there.  you’ve helped me through so much and i value you so much,  you’re a diamond,  one of the best individuals i’ve met.  you deserve the WORLD,  all the happiness,  because you are a fucking light,  you’re one of the good ones in life.  i love you bubby <33333

@racointeur -----  BEE,  my baby, one of the best friends i’ve ever had.  god, where do i start with you ??? without choking up because that’s gonna be hard.  let me first start by saying, i’m so proud of you, so proud of your strength, because you’ve been through some of the hardest shit as of late and i wish more than anything i could be there to cuddle you,  to support you better than i could here.  no one ever deserves what you’ve been through, but ESPECIALLY NOT you,  you are the kindest person with the BIGGEST heart of gold. all you do for others, is so clear to see, because you’ve always put people before yourself and it truly shows how GOOD of a person you are.  you came into my life when i needed someone too,  we bonded instantly over shadowhunters and our love for our babies jace / izzy, and instantly a bond came and i can’t ever explain how vital you are to me now.  days could pass or even weeks, and when we talk?? it’s like no time has passed.  there’s never any obligation or anger if we both fall off the grid.  you KNOW how important our friendship is to me. you’re one of my fave individuals to write with.  we’ve facetimed crying over the hardships of life,  or even laughed until our sides hurt,  i remember that one night when we spoke about simon biting izzy and how we were howling with laughter.  it’s a memory that legit sticks in my mind,  and makes me all warm and fuzzy.  in this life,  i’ve realised you’ve gotta stay close to the people who feel like sunlight,  the truly GOOD people and you’re one of them.  i know i can always message you, WITH any issue, or just to yell about our babies and you’ll be accepting and that in itself shows how deep our friendship goes,  you’re so accepting,  so supportive and i just love you more than words.  your writing is something i admire so much,  you’re so talented,  so eloquent and i just ??? aspire to be that gifted okay,  you can see your love for each and every character in your threads and i think EVERYONE should go love on you,  because you deserve the hype, and the love the most.  you’ve helped me down from ledges where i legit didn’t want to live anymore, you’ve put up with my bullshit and i can NEVER thank u enough for that.  here we are THREE years almost four years later,  still stuck to each other like glue bc u bet i’m not letting you GO at all, and still best friends.  i admire you so much,  i learn so much from you from your strength and i don’t think i could ever say enough what you mean to me.  you’re just purely talented,  an incredible individual and i can’t wait to meet you when this shit is all over and i’m finished with uni so i can fly out to see you and give you a MASSIVE squeeze.  you’re one of my fave individuals ever in life and i just adore you so so so much.  i love you bee.  you’re honestly world class,  and just a joy to know. <33333

@lethaelite ------ MANDI , you superhuman babe !!!!! gosh, i love you endlessly,  i can’t even begin to express, but it feels like we’ve been friends forever and i honestly can’t imagine a time without you in my life and i ???? don’t want to.  you’re one of the most intelligent individuals i’ve ever met, like you can see it so much in your writing, you put so much into the characters. like clarke???? i accept nO other portrayal than yours, because you just know her so much, at this point?? she’s your oc.  i love writing with her, and with octavia too, like octavia’s relationship with azalea is so important and it melts me, i just can’t help but get soft over them all the time. how azalea has broken down o’s walls.  how they’re ride or die,  all of it is fucking adorable.  and SUCH development.  i’m so glad becks dragged ur ass to tumblr so you can showcase your talent, everyone needs to KNOW how gifted you are!!!! let’s circle back to your talent, let’s talk about you.  you’re a diamond okay? a pure selfless individual with the biggest heart, and i’m so blessed to get to know you,  to be able to call you one of my best friends, and you’ve embraced me as a person, as a writer since we’ve met,  and i can’t ever thank you enough for that.  you’ve listened to me yell about some of the hardest times of my life,  you’ve listened and understood and kept it to yourself and it means everything and more to me.  let’s not FORGET that you’re a fierce badass individual, you’re so strong and i’m so proud of all you’ve battled through,  because i get to learn from your experience and guidance and words.  i look up to you SO much, i wish i had your outlook on life,  like i wish i had your strength because it’s incredible bubba.  honestly!!! you don’t realise the impact you’ve had either,  you have helped me through so much.  you’re kind,  down to earth,  and charismatic and hilarious and just a fucking joy to have around. i can’t wait for you to come over here,  because honestly we’re gonna have some insane memories to look back on,  and you deserve that break and a new surrounding more than anyone honestly.  i just can’t ever yell about you enough,  you’re beyond talented,  you have the BIGGEST heart and you’re one of the good ones in a world of bad.  i can’t wait for all the threads we get to do,  all the character development and everything. i know i can throw anything at you thread wise and you’ll be down for it, i love how much you YELL about threads and the reactions, because it truly shows me your excitement!! i just adore you so much and i can’t ever thank you for being you, for impacting my life how you have, and i’m thankful and appreciative to get you to be in my life. i LOVE you <3333 

@damnpain  /  @armyranger  ------   VIC ------- god where do i begin with you ???? i used to ALWAYS fangirl over you,  like i would be heart eyes at your blogs from far away because i was always terrified to approach because your level of talent fucking astounds me. like you honestly have no clue how much i look up to you as a person,  you honestly are another whole level of talent.  and now i’ve gotten to know you,  and you’ve quickly become one of my best friends because you have the sweetest fucking heart,  you honestly make being on tumblr a pleasure,  and your incredibly soft and kind heart is something i’m so thankful to get to witness.  we’ve bonded over our own hardships both irl and in the community and it’s nice having someone who GETS it,  who understands exactly where i’m coming from,  it’s nice to know i’m not alone.  you’re like my very own hand to hold,  and i value you so fucking much honestly.  you’re honestly a sweetheart,  and you deserve the literal WORLD.  you make me laugh so much,  and you are so welcoming and knowing i can just yell at you about our babies,  really makes my day and i’m so thankful you get as excited as i do.  apollo literally OWNS my ass,  you’ve put your entire heart into him and he is so important to azalea,  so vital to her and i can’t wait to develop them and their relationship more because it’s something i’m so excited about. god don’t get me started on how HEARTBREAKING his story is,  his backstory makes me well up with tears,  poor baby deserves such a break,  he’s the cutest angel,  and i love him.  as i love ALL of your ocs,  you know this.  i’m always gonna be here to hype you up,  because you’re just outstanding,  a true fucking icon.   i remember how much you inspired me from when i saw your max blog so getting to call you one of my best friends now is !!!! amazing to me, but also, you’ve calmed me down when i’m spiralling, listened to my problems and issues and been happy to deal with them and it just shows how much of a selfless person you are.  you are always more than happy to help,  and i love you endlessly and more. and i’m so thankful we found each other even in the wake of all the shit i’ve been through lately,  because you’ve become a rock to me,  i adore you so much,  your incredible nature,  sweet and welcoming and i know i can talk to you about everything.  thank you for being your amazing,  sweet,  and truly extraordinary self,  because you honestly DESERVE the world,  all the happiness and stuff.  i know i’ve found another best friend for life in you,  you’re an angel.  i love love love you vic,  keep being YOU,  because you’re just out of this world,  a true good person.  A DIAMOND <333333

@tragedyhymns  /  @damnbrain  ------   SUN !!!! my sweet angel,  god how do i even begin to describe you or put into words my love for you ????  everytime i talk to you, you make my heart swell because you’re just so fucking sweet. you’re beyond considerate and just one of the nicest individuals i’ve ever met in this hellish community.  you’ve been nothing but a support to me,  and i don’t ever want us to part.  i’ve kept you close from the moment we met in the shadowhunters fandom over three years ago now,  and i’m sorry to say but you’re not getting away from me,  ever.  i just adore you with my entire heart.  i’m so proud of the person you are , i’m so proud that i GET to call you a best friend of mine . let me say i’m SO fucking proud of you for kicking ass with your education , like even when it feels like everything is getting too much and you’re having so much going on ooc??? you power through like the WARRIOR you are, and i’m beaming with pride over you.  because honestly, if there’s anyone who deserves to succeed in life??? it’s you.  your talent is astounding,  we’ll come to your writing, but your GRAPHICS???? like you’re an ASSET to that career you’re going to have.  you’re going to have such an insane career,  i am always taken aback by what you can make and create,  like share some of that talent pls.  never LET anyone bring you down.  you’re truly fucking remarkable.  i also have to commend your writing talent,  because you bring characters to life with such a love,  such a depth and admiration that i am always in awe of you.  matty and cris are by far my favorite babies,  like matty is so vital to azalea and the story we have created for them is one of my favourites, like it is so IMPORTANT to me, i can’t even thank you enough for it.  i also have to yell about how much you took on by creating ash,  and making him your own,  and i love being affiliated with you. you’re so eloquent,  so in depth and so talented, you bleed EVERYTHING into your writing and graphics and it shows.  you’re a treasure.   you mean everything and more to me, you’re just a fucking angel,  i love you.   you’re a light —- i appreciate you so much and i won’t ever be able to thank you for that . you’ve made me smile on the most horrific of days , you’ve been there to listen when things are falling apart . you’ve been there through a lot,  and i love you endlessly.  just know how important you are to me,  i will forever be here to rave about you as a person, your talent. never leave me o k ?? because i’ll actually fucking cry because you mean so much to me!!!!  never forget how loved , how incredible you are , and how much we all STAN you  i love you, you fucking cutie. <3333

@damnsamurai  /  @iswarholy  /  @skailante  ----- ZAWN !!!!! god,,, i love YOU.  i have gotten the opportunity to have you in my life for the past three years and even though we lost touch??? it’s like no TIME has passed,  because you’ve embraced me,  thrown nothing but love at me and just been a fucking angel.  you’re one of the good ones on this site,  like we reconnected and within like three days i had made an oc to be affiliated with yours because i fucking ADORE you.  my opinion of you since we first met,  hasn’t changed.  i thought you were truly blessed with an astounding talent then,  and if anything,  i’m even more convinced of that now,  because i am just constantly in awe of your characters,  of your portrayal of octavia because holy fuck babe,  it’s so GOOD,  so indepth.  you truly bleed complete depth and understanding into her,  as if she’s your actual character and not jroths or the original writers.  actually,  let’s say she’s yours because you show her more fucking love,  lets be real here.  let me also tell you,  how much your little messages about how much you love me on discord everyday,  they truly make my day.  because i’ve had a fucking horrendous time as of late with some shitty times irl and in the community and you’ve become a rock.  you’ve shown me there’s some people left who are intrinsically kind,  who have nothing but a GOOD regard to people.  you’re someone who deserves the literal world,  because you’re just a fucking diamond,  just pure through and through.  and your talent??? god i love writing our babies saff and orion,  we created them,  wrote them and i was hooked instantly,  like i am complete trash for our babies and for YOU,  because you’re so beyond talented,  so gifted.  i am shook at you all of the time,  please TEACH me your ways, pls pls.  i also know that i can approach you to yell about things,  or throw muse posts at you,  and you’ll be accepting.  thank you for embracing me,  for being so accepting,  so sweet to me and an astounding friend,  i count you as one of my best friends.  i honestly don’t think words could ever say how grateful i am for you,  but i hope this makes you smile.  you’re a credit to this fandom,  and i can’t wait to write more with you,  to yell more and for this beautiful friendship to continue.  i love you,  bIG UP THE RIDDEN FAM,  love you always,  please never forget how truly extraordinary you are,  because i’ll always be here to tell you.  i don’t want to be in this fandom ever without YOU  <3333 

@waldenborn  /  @geneticassassin  ----- LILLY  --------- U ANGEL… i don’t even know how i can ever express my true gratitude for you,  for always being there when i need someone,  for being your truly amazing self.  and also for embracing azalea from the very beginning when i made her,  i was such a heart eyes fan girl over you because damn… helo is so well crafted,  so in depth and just everything i aspire to create within my own oc’s.  you have always truly thought him through,  put so much love and creativity into him and that in itself has always astounded me,  i think i’ll always be someone who fangirls over you.  i was terrified to reach out at first,  just because i’m a ball of anxiety and you always made me completely at ease,  and even when we go weeks without talking,  without interacting at all,  it’s like NO time has passed.  we just pick up as we left off,  and i know there’s never ANY pressure and it makes me feel safe,  and like i can truly be myself.  you’re truly world class,  and i can never thank you for all the love and support you’ve given me,  honestly.  i don’t think i could ever put it into words,  but you mean everything to me and to a zillion more people in this fandom,  you’re a big ball of sunshine,  of love,  and you’re a true angel to have around.  A CREDIT.  i can never thank you for accepting me,  hyping me up and wanting to write with me,  honestly writing with you makes me SUPER happy because i get to craft such amazing character relationships with you, but also because i get to be astounded by your incredible replies all of the time.  i get so !!!! at seeing you on the dash bc dATS my babyyyyy. our development with azalea / helo always melts me,  from them meeting in mount weather,  to falling for each other and then facing the end of the world together,  living their peaceful life on earth for six years,  undisturbed.  they deserved that happiness !!!! helo is so important to azalea, like he’s a huge part of her life,  and i love our talks about them,  and you always yelled at me about how much you loved my characters even when i wasn’t writing azalea on tumblr anymore.  i always felt that support from you,  and you have no idea how much it helped me out of so many dark places.  i also adored writing bellamy / gabby with you because they own my aSS, and octavia and helo because hearing all your headcanons about his love of octavia and how protective of me always BLEW my mind.  fancy sharing some of that talent, please???? i am just forever in awe of you.  i count myself lucky to know someone like you. the world needs more GOOD souls like you. just know how much of an impact on my life you’ve had,  you deserve the hype you talented lil baby. I LOVE YOU <33333

@damnstory  /  @azgedaspy  -----  KAT  ----  u sWEET angel <3333  first off, let me YELL about how much of a fucking vital individual you are to this community,  like while we don’t have to ask permission to be part of the “damn” family,  you’ve brought together a group of writers,  and everyone fucking ADORES you because you’re down to earth.  you’re so sweet,  and so fucking lovely.  like i don’t think words even capture my adoration of you.  from the moment we met,  you did nothing but embrace me,  nothing but BUILD me up,  keep reminding me how much i was a strong person,  or a zillion and one other sweet things you said.  i can never thank you enough for that,  as someone who’s really been through it in the fandom with people that i didn’t deserve or ask for,  it was nice for someone to validate me and make me feel like ???? i was wanted around.  you helped my mental state more than words ever could truly express,  i love you endlessly for that, as it shows just HOW good of a person you are.  you have one of the kindest hearts i’ve met,  and your talent forever leaves me taken aback.  you know i’m so trash for your echo,  like the ONLY echo i’ll accept,  i’ll be honest.  like at this rate,  she’s your character in my eyes,  because wow,  the depth,  the love,  the UNDERSTANDING you’ve put into her.  it just is incomparable.  and now you’re bringing the loml bellamy blake to life,  and gOD DAMN you’re so fucking good at him,  you never make any excuses for his behaviour,  you hold him accountable and i love throwing angsty threads of my ocs,  or charas calling him out on his bullshit because you know i’m a SLUT for some angst.  you bring him to life,  and it’s so brilliant,  like truly you’re a talent,  so in depth and so much effort goes into it,  and it’s appreciated,  it’s something i ADMIRE,  you deserve all the hype and more.  you’re one of the best writers i’ve ever come across,  and i have no other choice but to STAN,  always and forever.   you showed me that there’s some good left on this site . you showed me that i can still make friends that i trust and love , and to never be intimidated to talk to people,  because we both know i’ve been terrified to talk to people before.  i always fangirled over you before and i STILL do,  you’re just a fucking angel who deserves the entire world and more.  like truly a treasure,  i count you as one of my best friends on this site,  a person who is so encompassingly good,  that it makes the community a JOY to be in.  i love you kat,  keep being your incredible self,  and throwing your talent into the community,  because i’ll always be here to yell about it.  you’re just world class and i love you so much. <3333

@damnbetray  ------  BEAN,  god if there’s anyone who’s a fucking CUTIE in this fandom,  it’s YOU.  i can’t ever express how much i love you or how much you make me laugh.  you are just beyond talented,  i can’t wait to write with you and develop our characters together.  but more than anything,  you’re just a SWEETHEART,  who has validated how i’ve felt lately,  you’ve made me feel at ease when my world was falling apart.  you’ve stayed and HYPED me up,  made me feel empowered to do what’s BEST for me,  and made sure to tell me i’m doing what’s right and i can never thank you enough for that.  you’ve got the kindest heart,  like truly,  i can’t even express how much i adore you,  words will never EVER encompass that enough.  you’re one of the sweetest babes i’ve met and i LOVE getting to yell about things to you,  like spending the very late hours of the evening with you on voice chat,  laughing our heads off about how stupid our languages or hometowns are.  like comparing sayings,  it honestly made my night.  after such discomfort i’ve experienced,  i can’t even explain how much that means to me,  getting some company,  someone who UNDERSTANDS my horrendous hysteria.  you deserve the WORLD bubby,  honestly.  you’re the cutest babe.  and your accent is SO ADORABLE, i want it... i’m jealous.  also,  your ocs are so well crafted,  i am in awe at your talent to bring characters to life,  how you’ve put your love,  soul and heart into creating them,  it shows how much you adore writing and how much they mean to you and i can’t wait for our soft grounder babies to meet.  azalea will LOVE on her so much,  like just you WAIT.  i’m so grateful for our little squad,  not only making me feel at ease in this fandom,  but being a support network i so desperately needed,  like we ALL need that love.  and i don’t care WHAT you say but ur a fucking talent at not only writing but fucking graphics bc what you created was legit fucking INSANELY incredible,  like i’m jealous pls teach me ur ways, thank u.  you’ve been a fucking angel to me since we met , and i can’t imagine life without you and i don’t wanna . it’s like we’ve been friends forever , and i love that .  you’re a friend i’m blessed to have. thank you for being you. i LOVE U so much,  and i’ll be here ALWAYS to hype you up because you deserve the hype, all of it. soak it up <3333 

OTHERS I LOVE,  that if i had the energy to write MORE about i would but they’re my squad and I ADORE them,  they truly inspire me so much,  and i value all of them,  like as MONTY would say,  the GOOD guys :  @mythso  ;  @mythcals  ;  @mieczlw  ;  @heroach  ;  @roseguided  ;  @buriedwoes  ;  @hevives  ;  @trageday ;  @mudwoven  ;  @coyoted  ;  @pahriahs -----  you ALL deserve the world,  your talent truly astounds me and your presence in this fandom has truly not only melted my heart but made this place a safe space for me,  a place of warmth.  you ALL are aware of how much i love you from how much i’ve yelled at you previously,  and if i could fight through this chronic illness pain right now to talk about you all individually i WOULD, but my meds aren’t working.  your writing is incomparable in talent,  like the depth,  the love you put in,  and how you’re all so DOWN to earth,  such softies and so welcoming and accepting of me???? i can’t thank you enough.  you all deserve ever OUNCE of hype.  like you accepted azalea,  or any other muse i’ve written and that in itself means everything and more to me,  i don’t think words will ever truly express.  for someone who’s insanely anxiety riddled after some shit ooc,  and in the community,  it melts me when i find people with nothing but GOOD intentions,  because it proves that there are STILL good people out there.  i count you as my closest friends,  and i adore writing with you and can’t wait to do it more.  just know you’ve had the biggest of impacts on me,  that by just BEING you,  and sharing your gift,  you’ve made me happy,  made this place ALL the more better,  and words will never do you justice.  you’re all SWEETHEARTS, and a credit to the community.  i ADORE you and love you all so so so much. <3333 

MORE PEOPLE I LOOK UP TO AND WANT TO INTERACT WITH ,  BUT I’M BUT AN ANXIETY RIDDLED BABE SO PLEASE THROW YOURSELVES AT ME : --- @commaender  ;  @commandied  ;  @azhefa  ;  @azgona  ;  @astralgenius  ;  @brotheir  ;  @darkseen  ;  @damnfoxed  ;  @damnbrace  ;  @damnloyal  ;  @shenomaly  ;  @damnbird  ; @damnguard  ;  @damnalone  ;  @earthsheir  ;  @earthreina  ;  @fatalruin  ;  @futuresees  ;  @fatalrisk  ;  @genetictraitor  ;  @glassae  ;  @graunfisop  ;  @holykissed  ;  @hqppier  ;  @heroicis  ;  @imperrator  ;  @knowsdeath  ;  @komfolaui  ;  @laendon  ;  @lovkyna  ;  @lovefray  ;  @mortaele  ;  @mortaele  ;  @nextleveldamaged  ;  @otvblake  ;  @puresthearted  ;  @pyrorize  ;  @praesaes  ;  @preytend  ;  @runegiven  ;  @sunhken  ;  @tribrids  ;  @warstroyed  ;  @wanlidas  ;  @avgustia  .

if i missed anyone !!! i’m sorry,  my add makes it super hard to REMEMBER and focus,  BUT i adore you and look up to you so much <333 

[wandyrlust-a]

@sevenbulletsavior​ said: 1.What was your first impression of the roleplay community on Tumblr? And what’s your impression of it now?

Mun Asks: RP Edition

under cut for length

So I’ve been rping since like...2009 i think? Not 100% sure when, but it was in a Twilight forum on fanfiction.net where we used script format instead of the literary format that we’re all used to now. I eventually moved over to RP websites through forum hosts like mixxt, invisionfree, proboards, and jcink, where I got used to the literary format and eventually happened across rp tumblr. I had been a tumblr user already but only on what used to be my personal, and so on a whim I made an indie for a character who I wrote at the time but is ironically on my DNI list now, which was Dam.on Salv.atore. Wring a character like that always gains you interactions quickly, so I was very active. Tumblr was a very different place back then. I liked that you could edit posts in HTML on mobile because then you could still at LEAST cut your posts. The rpc was very fast paced, and I miss that. I miss being able to turn out like 20 replies daily on average where now i’m shocked if I do one. I do think the quality of my writing back then suffered for it in comparison to now, however. People really would write with anyone back then and rules were looser, formatting was ??? nonexistent. There was crazy shit like magic anons. It felt more friendly but also boundless, if that makes sense. We needed better boundaries back then. Now, I see a very opposite version of that. I’m glad that we’ve tightened boundaries but I think it’s made us cold as a community. People aren’t supportive of each other anymore. Like I pointed out the other day, people will like promos, but never reblog them or not follow because they don’t like your graphics or layout and it’s just a very high-stakes, high-anxiety community to be a part of. I’m glad that multis have become more accepted in especially the last two years, I think multis make people often more open-minded, which is so lovely to see on my dash. I truly do not miss using massive gifs in replies, though I’m really digging my heels in about being iconless now because I feel so pressured to use them. It’s SO hard to approach people now. I don’t know how to do it and I feel like when I try nothing comes of it. I’m learning to let go of that kind of rejection and not let it make me so upset that I forget to appreciate my partners who do acknowledge me and make me happy. And yes, I do think some (many) people do sincerely care more about aesthetic than the quality or act of writing, and that makes me really sad. I don’t know, a lot has changed, the pendulum has swung the exact opposite direction. It’s hard to be in the rpc now and only recently do I feel like I’m somewhat included in any kind of community again despite how long I really have been on this hellsite. 

[takaraphoenix]

Is it me or are riordans books lsoong it’s charm? I mean I like the idea of different stories told by other prospective and other mythology but when is you keep making sequels and spin offs over and over and not just end it it loses its fun. Also didn’t rick kill of Jason?

I mean, you’re talking to the girl who abandoned the books after HoO due to a loss of quality and also… for the ridiculousness of cramming all the mythologies together.

I stand by the fact that TKC didn’t do as well as hoped and that’s the only reason he tied it to his big property. To make more money. There is literally no other reason than CHASE being highly recognizable among the PJO fandom, that’s the only reason Magnus was Annabeth’s cousin.

If he’d kept all of those vastly different series separate, that might be a different tune. But he knows Percy is his money-maker so he forces Percy into everything else to effectively make the PJO readers also read his other work.

That’s the reason why we’re on sequel number two for the PJO series and why TKC turned out to be in the same world and why Magnus had to be Annabeth’s cousin. Whatever he’s gonna do with the Celtic gods - and let’s be real that is 100% where he’s going to go next now that he went through the three biggest pantheons - Percy is definitely going to find his way into that too.

It’s just… frustrating because this greed just… made his world completely fall apart.

If all the gods operated on the same rules, I’d buy it all being one world, but how he mashed them together…?

But his “they moved on and changed into Roman” completely falls apart considering the ““Greek”“ gods we met in PJO, because by that logic, these were not the Greek gods, they were the American gods - Poseidon in a Hawaiian shirt, Zeus in a suit, Hades owning a record label. They moved on and adjusted according to the new worshippers. But somehow those American gods are treated like the Greek gods, while the Roman aspects are just 100% old-fashioned proper Roman.

No. No, either you say Greek and Romans both live in modern US and have them proper!Roman and then also proper!Greek, or you say they move on to a new place of worship and change accordingly… and thus remove the existence of “Roman” demigods in the US, because effectively there would be neither Greek nor Roman demigods there since the gods as a whole moved on and evolved into a new American aspect - which was what I had assumed happened prior to him retconning Romans in and making the whole thing make zero sense.

Not to mention, what? Will Magnus Chase then get a spin-off where he has to fight a civil war against the Germanic gods? Aka, the other aspect of the Norse gods? Wodan and Donar and company??

Also, you know, just how fucking forced it is to have the two Great Prophecies that have been laying around for millennia… just take place half a year apart. It’s bullshit. If he had tackled that second prophecy with a full new set of demigods in the future, yeah sure. But he had to make it about Percy too, because as mentioned above, Percy is what makes money.

Look, I’m not saying it couldn’t work to have all pantheons be real. But the way he does it is forced and not very thought through. So literally every single pantheon moved to the US, huh? What’s Europe, dirt under your fingernails? We are most definitely not doing shitty enough to be treated that way. Why would our gods move to the US? All of them? Why would the Egyptian gods be moving all the way up there? It’s… It’s started being really fucking offensive, to be quite frank.

The way he did it with the Greeks, with only one pantheon that also accordingly adjusted to being American, it was an interesting concept. It was also 2005.

In the past 15 years, the world’s view on the US has shifted drastically. They are most certainly not the center of the world or in any way or shape a symbol of progressiveness and the place where all the gods would move. It’s incredible narcissistic and it is also incredibly rude.

Because, at its base, what he’s doing is stealing from other cultures. Oh, sure, after the Egyptian gods he stopped taking gods from POC. But… uhm… I know this site doesn’t like to hear that but white people have culture too? Those ancient gods are part of a culture, whatever the fuck the primary skin-color of the people of that culture are. And to just rip those gods and myths out of that culture and forcing them into America, completely removing them from their actual cultural background, is in fact cringeworthy at this point.

If you take one, it’s still all fun and games somehow and hey it’s for the children and the theory of the gods moving on, it’s kind of intriguing.

But if you just keep stealing the gods from their country - and yes, considering he at this point goes out of his way to make it all take place in the US, that quite literally is stealing them out of their countries - then it’s really getting cringeworthy.

And yes, I know, overall this hellsite thinks white people don’t have culture and white people culture are American suburban soccer moms or whatever the fuck, but you gotta… you gotta look beyond America for a change. Every single country has its own, unique culture. Yes, even countries that are pre-dominantly white, even they have their own culture and history. And taking huge parts of any country’s cultural background, ripping it out and making it take place in your own backyard centric around your own people with absolute disregard of the country of origin, that’s… seriously, that is not really cool. Not even when you take it from white cultures.

If he’d at the very least would make an efford to make them take place in Europe too - I’m not even demanding each mythological series should take place in its country of origin (even though that, of course, would be ideal, seriously), he’s not even trying to bring Europe in on this.

When the Argo II went to Rome, there was nothing. Rome, literally the center where the Roman gods came from… but… no Roman camp. This would have been an ideal chance to show that his bullshit nonsense of ALL the gods can ONLY be met in the US and ALL demigods HAVE to move to the US is actually factually wrong. He could have introduced a Roman camp in Rome, have them get back-up from European demigods. That would have been his chance.

But no. Absolutely all of those gods completely moved to the US and left nothing behind in the countries that shaped them. Go to Rome. Walk through Rome. See all of the statues and fountains of the old gods, you can not tell me that if the Graeco-Roman gods were real, they would not also manifest there and they would not also have a camp there.

Especially considering Silena Beauregard was born in Paris, the gods very much go to Europe still apparently. But only to sire kids that their single parents then have to ship to the US because fuck Europe, am I right?

Look, I’m not saying he can’t work with the gods of other countries. I enjoy seeing interpretations of gods and I’m fully aware no one gives a rat’s ass who’s adapting mythologies from pre-dominantly white cultures, but I think that if you really do make a living only out of using other country’s mythologies, histories and their culture, then you sure as shit should also bring a basis level of respect toward that country, regardless of what country we are talking about.

He shows an extra amount of respect for other non-white cultures by not even touching them himself anymore and instead helping young authors from those countries show-case their own takes on a PJO-esque world - and that is absolutely amazing and really good him, honestly. Like, I genuinely think that’s a great thing to do from him and a good way for him to use both his fame as well as his white privileg, because let’s be real being a straight white man helps there a lot.

But the very least he could do about all those mythologies he keeps using would be to pay a baseline respect toward their cultures too and not forget that they too come from countries that he is not intimately familiar with, that they too are part of a culture and that he could, at the very fucking least, be respectful enough to them to not pretend that a Greek demigod born in fucking Greece would have to be shipped to New York because that’s where it’s at and where everything turned completely American centric. Like, that’s literally all I’m asking. Take into account that those gods came from somewhere and respect their origins and stop treating modern day Europe like it’s some garbage dump or something.

Well, that sure took a detour there. But then again, it really had to be said. Yes, a huge part of why this is losing it’s charm is because he keeps dragging new pantheons into this same world but under the same conditions of “America first, Europe, uh, never” and with every new mythology (and every time it moves closer toward the now), it becomes more and more cringeworthy and, for me as a European, also boring and unrealistic.

And yeah, he killed Jason. Because sure, we had the second Great Prophecy, what was supposed to be a huge-ass war but eh we’re fine with 9 demigods who should be 7 and literally no one of importance died in that world-changing war. But now in some supidass side-quest - yeah, I’m calling it as it is, Apollo getting deaged and them having shenannigans is in fact a side-quest because for fuck’s sake the two last series were each about a millennia old Great Prophecy and a giant (or titan, heh) war - the son of Zeus dies.

[lifeofcynch]

i’m feeling very stressed out right now. and miserable and scared. it’s the fucking cop post. i did expect there to be some kind of backlash (because obviously), but not in that amount. the post is growing bc of popular blogs reblogging it with mocking comments. idk what i can handle. i always try and not care if people are rude to me, but because of that post people have called me ‘a bootlicker’, said that i ‘suck cop dick’ (that was the grossest one), and that i’m brain damaged etc. i really don’t want it to, but i think it’s taking a toll on me mentally. i talked to my mom about it yesterday and it helped, but my stomach still hurts and my head hurts and my heart is beating fast because i’m stressed out. and i know that these people are very aggressive and biased, and i think that they’re wrong, because i’ve seen and heard about many cops who have done nice things and just been pleasant and done their job correctly, and that just because these people have had bad experiences with cops, that doesn’t mean all cops are bad people. but the amount of negative notes. it’s too much and i want them to just stop and leave me alone forever but that’s not gonna happen and knowing that makes me feel even more stressed. it’s fucking pathetic i know, because obviously stuff like this happens when you put opinions on the internet. i just want people to fucking respect each other and stop generalizing each other. i want the world to be a better place. i don’t want genuinely good people to be punished just because there are people with the same occupation as them who use their power for evil. you know?? and in certain countries there’s a lot of police brutality and i fucking know that! and it fucking sucks and i hate it! but stop saying all cops do that shit because it’s just not true! this website is full of broken and angry people who have faced injustice in their lives, so i can sort of understand where they’re coming from. i just wish they wouldn’t be so incredibly aggressive. damn it, i’m rambling on. idk anymore i really don’t. i can’t take a break from this hellsite bc i’m still gonna get tons of notes on that post while i’m gone. tons of disgusting comments to come back to. i can’t look at it too much because i’ll feel more and more stressed. even if i delete the post from my blog that’s not gonna stop the notes. all i can hope for is that this shit dies down. i wasn’t ready. i’m more fragile than i let on. i try and stay chill most of the time but i get angry. it’s on and off. i try and reblog nice and comforting things but those notes constantly popping up makes my stomach turn each fucking time. i just want to forget about this but it’s there all the time now ever since the post got attention. i want to cry. i never know which reblogs are for me or against me. i can’t check them all because i’m scared of the tags and what they’ll say. my brain can’t take this. idfk. i’m fucking weak and i know that. i should have never made that post, not because i think i was wrong or anything. i know what i feel is right. but because i thought i was ready for shit like this even though i now know i obviously wasn’t, because now i feel sick and frustrated. i wanted to put my current feelings out bc i just think it’ll take a bit off that stress out of me. this is a vent post, so please don’t reblog this. and don’t screenshot it. i’d appreciate that.

[thelegendofclarke]

“Things I Wish Someone Would Have Told Me About Depression” a Non-Comprehensive (But Still Absurdly Long) List:

That depression doesn’t just mean “feeling sad.”

That depression can be not feeling happy, or sad, or angry, or any emotion at all.

That depression isn’t really even a feeling that can be defined; that it can just be knowing something is wrong, but feeling too tired and numb to do anything about it

That depression can be letting people walk all over you and treat you like shit, but not standing up for yourself, not only because it sounds exhausting, but also because you don’t see yourself as someone who deserves defending.

That depression can be loosing track of and loosing touch with good friends with out even realizing it.

That depression can be getting irrationally irritated when ever someone asks you even the simplest of questions.

That depression can be letting people take their anger and frustration out on you, but just getting more angry and frustrated with yourself for it. 

That depression can be missing out on parties, vacations, events, and celebrations because the idea of prolonged socialization makes you want to cry.

That depression can be always feeling shaky and on edge and like you want to crawl out of your skin because your nervous system is so fucked up.

That depression can be not enjoying or feeling hungry for your favorite foods, or for anything at all.

That depression can be constantly getting sick because you aren’t taking care of yourself.

That depression can be constantly feeling like you just did a full triathlon even though you can’t even remember the last time you did anything active.  

That depression can be finding no joy in the things you used to love doing.

That depression can be knowing you are draining and dragging other people down with your constant negativity and feeling guilty but not being able to help yourself. 

That depression can be feeling like you are never fully awake and like you have constant brain fuzz and static.

That depression can be giving up on routines or habits you have had for years because now they are just too exhausting.

That depression can be going back to old, unhealthy coping mechanisms like self harm, drugs, or alcohol, that you thought you had left behind yeeeaaarrrsss ago.

That depression can be not being able to remember the last time you didn’t have at least a little bit of a headache.

That depression can be feeling like your eye lids weigh about 50 pounds each and like keeping them open takes a downright herculean amount of effort. 

That depression can be giving up on things before you even start them.

That depression can be feeling like you are going to burst into tears anytime someone tries to get you to be spontaneous or go along with some “last minute plans.”

That depression can be spending the days leading up to planned events trying to think of an excuse not to go because you are so tired and dreading it so much.

That depression can be feeling like you can’t reach out or strike up a conversation with anyone or make friends even though you would have had no problems doing it in the past.

That depression can be not thinking at all before you speak and just blurting out random things. 

That depression can be worrying so much that you are saying the wrong things that you stop saying anything at all.

That depression can be feeling like all your skills and strengths and positive qualities and every single good thing about you have somehow been totally erased. 

That depression can be barely cracking a smile and things that would have made you so excited or made you laugh so hard in the past.

That depression can be having to physically force yourself to unclench your jaw and unslump your shoulders and relax your muscles and just generally chill tf out. 

That depression can be knowing full well that people are manipulating you and using you to feel better about themselves but not caring about or respecting yourself enough or even having the energy to do anything about it.

That depression can be constantly worrying or feeling like the friends you love and care about don’t love or care about you anymore.

That depression can feel like being isolated and abandoned.

That depression can be preferring to sit alone in complete silence than having to do anything or interact with anyone.

That depression can be feeling deeply hurt or bother by things you know you shouldn’t let get to you.

That depression wishing you had someone to talk to about what’s happening, but not knowing wtf you would even say.

That depression can be binge watching tv shows that you don’t even enjoy just to distract yourself from how crappy you’re feeling.

That depression can be sitting right next to someone, or being in the middle of a conversation, or being surrounded by people, but still feeling completely alone.

That depression can be telling yourself you will respond to messages, answer emails, and return phone calls later, and then never doing it.

That depression can be saying “I’ll do it later” about pretty much anything and then never doing it.

That depression can be spending your entire day, staring with the moment you wake up, wishing you could get back in bed. 

That depression can be spending entire days in your pajamas because just the prospect of getting dressed makes you need a nap. 

That depression can be dropping off in the middle of conversations and feeling too drained to pick them back up again. 

That depression can be somehow not giving a fuck and giving way too many fucks at the same time but being too tired to try and  figure out wtf to do about all the fucks you do and don’t give. 

That depression can be feeling just as tired after you get 12 hours of sleep as you do when you get 2 hours of sleep.

That depression can be hearing your favorite songs or reading your favorite books or watching your favorite shows and movies and feeling nothing.

That depression can be spending hours on this blue hellsite hate scrolling and looking at content you know is going to piss you off or upset you but not being able to stop yourself.

That depression can be feeling like you can’t have normal conversations because you can’t focus on what people are saying to you, but you don’t want to seem like an idiot because you keep asking them to repeat themselves.

That depression can be people constantly asking you to repeat yourself or speak up because your voice is to heavy to raise and you’re too tired to do anything but mumble. 

That depression can feel like you are incapable of making small talk or maintaining eye contact. 

That depression can be constantly worrying that everyone else is as annoyed with you as you are with yourself. 

That depression can be constantly forgetting things, and feeling like you have no short term memory; or when you do remember, feeling too exhausted to do anything about it. 

That depression can be looking at the clock at noon and then looking at it again and seeing it’s 8 pm and having no idea how you wasted an entire day.

That depression can be objectively knowing that hours, days, weeks, or even months are passing you by, but being to exhausted and numb to do anything about it or to even care.

That depression can be having no concept of time at all.

That depression can be knowing your family is worried about you or notices something is wrong with you, but being to numb and afraid to talk to them about it. 

That depression can be knowing you are shutting people out and pushing them away but not knowing why and not having the energy to figure out how to let them in. 

Thats depression can be even the simplest or most mundane tasks like doing laundry or making dinner or going to the bank feeling completely exhausting and overwhelming. 

That depression can be hoping one day you will wake up and just ~magically~ feel better and then getting even more frustrated and exhausted when you never do. 

That depression can be getting so frustrated with yourself because you can’t just be happy and normal.

That depression can be trying to force yourself to be happy and act normal, but feel like it’s draining the life right out of you. 

That you can still get depressed even though you have always been a “happy person.”

That depression can be feeling like your life is like having a tv show on in the background  where you know its there but you aren’t engaging or paying attention or don’t even really care.

That depression can be feeling like a bummer or a burden or like you are getting ~too personal~ whenever you do try to talk about it. 

That depression can be feeling like you are a bummer and a burden in general. 

That depression is not a weakness or a character flaw. 

That depression is not something you should let other people punish you for or that you should punish yourself for. 

That accepting you have depression does not mean you are giving up or accepting defeat.

That no one can force you to confront your depression and get help; that it’s something you have to do on your own time and by your own terms.

That having depression is just like having any other kind of illness or injury, or being any other kind of sick; you have to give yourself time to heal and get better. 

That depression is how you feel, not who or what you are.

That feeling depressed is fucking scary. 

That being depressed is not your fault; it’s not happening because of something you did or didn’t do, or some mistake you made, or because you messed up somehow along the way. IT. IS. NOT. YOUR. FAULT!

That feeling depressed doesn’t last forever; that it does get better, that you can get better.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know the wildest thing still to happen to me on this hellsite was my first experience of sexting, sans nudes, that was done in front of at least 250-500 followers because of those horny anons i had in early 2013 when i was 17. instead of being exposed to it on my phone privately with a partner at that age, it was done publicly for the internet to see lmao. i remember begging the anons to stop and “come off anon” because i was “losing followers” at the time too bc i was so insecure about my follower count lmao. and then yeah when they came off anon they were both 28 years old.

to write the responses, i just consulted cosmo mag sex pages for ideas hoping that the anons would like the options i chose. in one i detailed doing anal- a sex act i hadn’t even done yet irl- let alone every other thing i suggested in them (head, idek long, drawn out foreplay, some stupid fancy sex moves that cosmo was all like “use these moves to spice up your sex life 🔥🔥”, sex in a bath, i’m pretty sure i had some lines about tying or handcuffing them to a bed (????) etc etc etc)….

when again, i had never even done any of those above sex acts in real life. i was a naive teen who was incredibly shy in regards towards her love life because she’d “never been kissed” and had never had the “hot emo boyfriend whose in a band and is covered in tattoos” she’d always wanted, let alone even a boyfriend that she had actually fucking liked (ie clear braces boy, for like a month in year 9/2010 vs the popular boys that made fun of her, that she always had unrequited crushes on)…. hell, my blog title when i first started on here in 2011 was “the perfect epitome of being forever alone” because of these very reasons. but here she was, writing explicit sex acts to strangers like she knew what the fuck she was doing, to an audience of 250-500 people- and then to fucking grown ass men in inboxes. i was just parroting the shit i’d read in cosmo (both sex advice and sometimes excerpts of erotica/“sexy, steamy reads” they had some months) and also heard repeatedly in the porn that my high school stalker/creeper at public school loved to show (harass) me with to flirt with me, whenever we were alone together at school in 2012/2013.

like you could tell how naive i was….. because i used ridiculous lines like “like a gentleman entranced, you lead me to the bath for our next foray” and dumbass prose-y things like that. because what the fuck does that even mean 😂��????

and this is why i think minors should be careful with their online experiences. like yeah, you could say that i wasn’t a minor anymore- more of a “young adult”- who should of made the smart decision to not engage with these anons. but i was a kid. i thought it was fun. and when the dudes came off anon, i thought to myself “it’s not like i’m ever gonna meet them if i ever go to the US or puerto rico at any point. it’s not like that they’ll ever recognise me in person or ever reach out to me again in the future. i might as well do it.” and i did eventually end up ignoring the guys in my inbox, due to my mental health kinda plummeting from the middle til the end of 2013 because of my end of high school exams and stuff… and also the puerto rican guy’s infamously inappropriate “hot PE teacher fucks HOT female high school student in the girls change room showers” fantasy which fucking disgusted me, when he full well knew that i was STILL IN high school.

and obviously again, there’s the point about using the “block” button function. but as i’ve stated several times over my years on here, back in my early days of tumblr, i never wanted to block or unfollow people (even if they were trash like these two men), because it seemed so “mean” and “final”. obvs now i have no qualms about blocking people, and actively encourage younger people on here to use the block button with reckless abandon towards creepy people or people who can hurt them in some way. but to high school teenage me, the whole “using the block button” thing seemed to go against me being a “nice girl/person” so i never used it, no matter which social media platform i was on.

this is why i’m hella scared for young teen girls on tik tok wanting to have onlyfans accounts: because it’s where they’ll be exposed to ACTUAL CREEPS AND PREDATORS incredibly quickly; all because they can make money off selling images of just their feet or eventually their body….. depending on what these creepy strangers demand from them….. and they’ll feel like they’ll have to do it…. but to do it before you even start experimenting properly with relationships and sex is even worse. like. yeah. i’ve admitted before that i originally started this tumblr to possibly post nudes, to see if i’d get the positive feedback that i so desperately wanted/craved from the boys in my year at catholic school- eg. to be called “sexy”, “hot”, “fuckable” possibly “beautiful”- like some of the so called “popular girls” got on their hella basic bikini photos back then (like i remember one girl i knew ended up with like 500 likes and a fair amount of comments on one of her bikini pics and i was INCREDIBLY BITTER because not even a pic of me with a nice outfit on, my hair done and makeup on could EVER get those numbers, let alone even break over the double digits).

but i decided posting nudes or other explicit images on here was an absolute no go, because i realised that i never wanted people that i knew digging up barely clothed/naked pics of me and sending them to me all like “hey, is this you?” and then possibly mocking me, all because i would’ve been dumb enough to put my face in them probably at the time. now when i take nudes and send them, i never show my face. because i know now, that even in relationships, your partner can use nude pics as leverage for arguments or to abuse you in such a way that they’ll upload your pics without your knowledge to god knows where on the internet probably as a way to get back at you in a horrible breakup.

this is what i sincerely hope some young girls who ever contemplate starting onlyfans accounts take some time SERIOUSLY CONSIDER. please know that if you share shit on onlyfans, it can shared and re-shared (i think idek how OF works tbh) to god knows who- and eventually end up in the hands of people you know. i don’t fucking care if it’s a “good way to make money!” or if people think that im trying to stop teen girls from being “girl bosses” and the other dumb as fuck internet memes you want to throw at me. because this shit isn’t “haha internet meme funny” material. it’s some fucking serious stuff. and also, i’m not saying “don’t become a sex worker when you’re older” or whatever either. you’re free to make that choice when you’re in your 20s (no i even mean 17-19 year olds in this post as “young teen girls”- sorry you’re basically kids to me at almost 26). just please consider where the fuck your stuff can be shared to. who it can end up being shared with or to.

this is why i was so fucking adamant with my infamous old follower mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF that i personally would NOT consider becoming a camgirl for him or just generally… because i had no idea where the fuck my images or videos would end up. and do you know the places i’d never want them to fucking be??? in the hands of my high school stalker/creeper. in the hands of those two 28yo men from 2013 (who’d now be in there late 30s or early 40s). i absolutely don’t want them in the hands the mid-to-late 20s and early 30s men that that girl i met at public school in 2012 who was pissed that i didn’t believe that were “adults” because we were finally over the legal age of consent (16) in our state of australia, and so we were apparently fine to “fuck” literal grown ass men because “just fuck them and they’ll be nice to you!!” which i knew was fucking bullshit.

i absolutely don’t fucking want explicit videos/images of me ending up in “why the fuck won’t you let me give you “sex lessons” in the back of my car as a “favour” and as payment for teaching you how to drive you stupid, stuck up & frigid, virgin bitch!?” guy’s hands from 2014 (when i was 18/19 at the time and he was 25… he ended up being the first person of many i’d EVER block on social media lol). or i don't want them in the hands of those weird early 20s dudes (one of which was trying to set me up with his friend) who hit on me at 16/17 (2012) who were angry that i didn’t like and watch porn as much as they did…. and who promptly asked me at the end of their period of harassing of me: “do you know any sluts we could add?” because i kept refusing their suggestions etc.

hell, quite frankly i don’t even want them to go to mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF either, but the very few and far between nudes that i sent on snapchat to him back in 2016 are some nudes that i’d rather forget lmao. hell. i don’t even know if MAF ever deleted my nudes or shared them somewhere else or not, after he fucking wheedled them out of me with “i’ve followed you for 4 years, don’t be a shit! you owe me nudes!” so he’d just shut the fuck up about my social life decisions and leave me the fuck alone.

i don’t want ANY ONE of the guys i mentioned above to get their hands on photos of minors either…. because i definitely know my hs stalker/creeper would… because his fave “make her jealous” tactic that he’s always used on me is that “hey…. i’m dating a *insert teenage girl’s age here*! be fucking jealous that you don’t fucking have me and feel guilty that you won’t fuck me like this girl does!!!” just like he did in 2015, when i ran into him on the home from uni… when i turned 20 the next week and he turned 20 that december. at that time it was a 14yo girl he used as an example of him “dating”/“fucking” to make me jealous. instead, i was completely and utterly fucking disgusted. like any fucking sane and normal human being would/should be at that horrible age gap. that is literally a fucking child that he was fucking grooming. and we were literal adults. back the fuck away.

just please. PLEASE CONSIDER the types of people that trawl these kinds of sites and their intentions. please consider that you are young. very fucking young. you literally DO NOT need to upload nudes to the internet because it’s apparently a “lucrative” business. fuck the jokey “boss babe” rhetoric around it all the way to fucking hell.

because if you’re a minor: i do not want you to have your first experience of sexting or sending explicit images literally in front of god knows how many total strangers for the whole world to see (okay i know only fans is like subscriber/follower based or whatever. but i don’t care)…… even when you (depending how good you are with relationships etc) haven’t reached the common supposed milestones of your “first boyfriend/girlfriend/partner” or “first kiss” or have even “lost your virginity” (which isn’t real anyway- don’t buy this fucking bullshit)…. just like i stupidly did with my exposure to sexting here on my tumblr back in 2013. these people don’t/won’t give a flying fuck about your privacy or safety. they don’t/won’t give a fuck about your boundaries either.

please don’t possibly scar yourself for life, just because you’re being told that it’s a quick & convenient way to make some money for weirdos on the depths of the internet. you will regret it in future. just like i do now with mine. it should’ve been something personal between me and and a guy i trusted and liked at the time. not to some random 250-500 random strangers on this hellsite (okay the notes on these posts were literally single digits or non-existent, but still… and also some of my irl friends who had tumblr saw these posts as well) for a show….. and then privately with two 28yo literal grown ass men…. who should’ve been fucking hitting on women their own goddamned age and in their own countries and NOT a 17yo high school KID (at the time) from australia; who, now in her 20s, needs therapy to sort this shit out lmao. mind you they both reeled me in with the “you’re so mature for your age” bullshit line…. which i fell for a little bit, even if it did make me feel kinda gross at the time, too. don’t fall for that bullshit either.

[woozi]

henlo yza <3 ,

hdjdkd i don't really have much knowledge abt different techniques & kind of dances so when the steps match the lyrics i'm like '!!! wow yes i love it' fhdjdjskks also bc i've grown up watching these kind of dances only so my that's what i tend to notice first hdjdjddk it is also one of the reason why i decided to stan svt dwc, oh my, thanks & our dawn is hotter than day's choreo details really impressed me.

maybe vincenzo is your svt club & ur so valid for that <3 hddjdjekek also pls don't say sorry!! you can talk abt it as much as you want i like knowing what you think. i'll let you know how was it for me when i complete it. & no homecha hasn't ended yet (idk if there are 16 or 14 eps i haven't checked) it does come on weekends, counting this sunday's ep, we're at 12th rn.

i get that fjdjdkkd i used to be the same 😭 always waiting for dramas to end so i can binge watch because not knowing what happens next would kill me. but idk when this happened, my will to watch anything died down bc the eps are just there, available for me to watch anytime. im like 'i'll watch it next time' but next time never comes 💀. this year i've watched no-air ones only hdjssj very surprising for me ( also my wack memory & svt content supports me by forgetting abt it after weekend ends dhdjdkkd) anyway i'm very excited to see how you like homecha!

CHURCH BOY JOSH HDHDJDDKKSLSDJ church boy josh, cringe domestic boy, joshua numbers. we've come up with so many nicknames for him in few asks only 😭😭 dbdjksksk deserve actually. BUT SO TRUE I STILL HAVE NO WORDS FOR HIM. THAT WAS- JUST- WOW OKAY WE SEE YOU 😭😭and dino lip piercing and hoshi eyebrow slit..... so sexy of them. cb concept pictures haven't come out yet & they're already shinning!! love to see that. also now we have gyu and hoshi's wedding reception pictures & cottagecore hannie (with that collarbone picture right in middle >:( wth mister but also hbd ig <3) being added in the equation.

IM CRYINGGGGGG THEY LOOK SO CUTE THEY ARE SO CUTE NOO 😭😭💔 HOW HAVE I NEVER SEEN THESE COVERS WTH (being the ex-directioner and all dhdjkdsksk). I SMILED SO WIDE WATCHING THEM <///3 it's been so long since i heard one thing wow lol. but! this means they know who zayn is. thank you for this jdjssk this is going to keep me happy for some time hdjdke. SUNDAY MORNING EHJEJEKE 😭 thank you <3 dndjdj

IKR???? IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS CB I'M ALSO EXCITED TO EXPERIENCE IT WITH YOU. agreee truly bless svt for helping keeping us from losing it over life (by making us lose it over them) tbh sometimes it worries me too with the way contents keep dropping but just now in these unit interviews being released, perf unit shared how they have ppl who encourage them to be okay with their tiredness. things like that put me at ease. hope they rest well from time to time too. honestly just looking at their tour schedules i used to get tired because these dudes used to have more shows and less day offs and some of them being used to just move from one city to another. i hope in coming years pledis changes that lol.

sameee for the poster release hdjdkeek. also even though there was scheduler, i forgot abt the concept trailer 😭 it was raining & bcoz of that power was out as well & i don't use data dhdjdkdk. i think 5 minutes after 12 kst power came back (you can say joshu's sparkler brought it back hdjdjdks) it literally left me speechless. yk that meme ' everyone remembers what they were doing & where they were when it happened ' that's me & you with this cb hfjdkd honestly that's everyone with this cb me thinks.

seventeenies bringing the grass to you w their posts djdjkd ( btw you can always tell me if silly little jokes get out of hand i wouldn't ever like to make you uncomfy) but seriously i hope uni doesn't give you hard time. don't worry much just keep moving forward, at some point whatever is making you feel stuck will move away eventually.

is it that obvious? 😭😭😭😭 no i don't like rain at all dhjddk (i actually didn't dislike it as much during teens) mostly because road drainage system sucks here & we live in lower area so even moderate rain causes water logging. i'd give you some rain but this one's bad so i won't </3 ( as if i could if it were the good one 💀) stay hydrated!!! drink two sips of water everytime you hear dino laugh, i hope it cools a little soon.

that's what being on tumblr since 2012 does to you 😭 ALSO UR SO FUNNY PLS, SO ARE THE MEMES YOU USE FOR ASKS DJDJDKD. *hands you bunny headband dino* it's dangerous outside take this, you too stay safe out there 😭😭😭😭 love you too <3 and thank YOU for hanging out w me hehe :3, also dw tbh these asks have become one of the highlights for me now & i'm only using my free time excluding resting time, i hope you are too, no pressure at all! dw about being late - 🪂

ps - did i tell you i actually followed your svt blog around the time everyone was guessing your biases hddjkddj i sent mingyu & jeonghan dhdjdj that was my first ask :3 - 🪂

henlo, 🪂!! <3 <3 <3

honestly it doesnt matter to me tbh <3 if people enjoy the dance its all that matters!! and omg i can see that!! i love the svteenies always bring something fresh to the table

omg that means you're near the end 😭😭😭 i keep seeing gifs of it on my dash and it makes me feel a lil lovesick ngl HJFHJFHD why is it so TENDER????????????????

ok but that's so valid too bc that's me rn with in the soop.... i literally have not watched the 6th ep yet 😭 and i'm getting the feeling youre mentioning w swf now because i literally always look forward to tuesdays just for the next ep HJDHJDS also i am dumb what are no-airs HJDHJDHHD and ur not alone tbh <3 i have also been super forgetful lately and that is not like me fdhjdfjhdfhjdfhj we're rotting in this hellsite ig

love bullying him i just wanna know how he'd react if he gets upset <3 i dont think we've ever seen angry josh and i wanna make him angry sm HSDHJSDJ im glossing over dino lip piercing to directly go over hOSHI EYEBROW SLIT BC HELLO??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ive never really liked eyebrow slits but he makes them look so- i want him to hurt me HJDSHJDHJDS ALSO THE LATEST SET OF PHOTOS OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD they're giving me what i've been asking for i love being here sm <3 soonyoung's so chummy w everyone have u seen his photos w jihoon last night 😭 he's literally tamed the actual tiger icb this. and no oh my god i do not Know what Collarbone Jeonghan is i have erased him from my memories thank u

HDSHDSJDSHJDS the ex-directioner is so funny to me 😭 i think we have all been there one way or another <3 and ofc omg <3 i'm glad my core svt memories make u happy HSDJHJDFHJHJDSF

they literally said escapism hELP ME 😭😭😭😭😭 i think they're also just workaholics in general. i would be too if i actually enjoyed what i did for a living 😭 and are we even gonna get tours in the near future.... this is so sad i havent even seen them irl </3

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OMG that's terrible, i hope u guys were okay though :/ AND NOT THE JOSH SPARKLER FDDHJFHDFHJFDHFDH now i have to think about him oh my god i think i passed out a little when eyebrow piercing josh came on screen and just full on blacked out when the match scene came on tbh 😭 JKSDJKDSKDS ITS LIKE THE PANDEMIC!!!!!!! WE WILL RMB!!!!!!!!!

ALSOO NOOO OMG i dont feel uncomf at all and u should also tell me if i do make u feel so <3 thank u for even mentioning that!! also love that they're Doing It All for us we dont even have to go out to touch grass anymore HJDSHJSDJ i've actually been v happy w uni omg!! just that i often feel stressed bc they give us sm things to do </3 thank u for ur kind words!!

that's the price of being an adult JDJSJKD now we gotta think of things like.. idk the effects of rain 😭😭😭 i used to even love it when it flooded as a kid HJDSHJSDHJ now i get anxious too!! i love all kinds of rain though so i wont mind JKKSDKJSDKJD just that other people might be affected </3 wish i had my own rain cloud on some kind of leash lmao. ALSO IF I DRINK WATER EVERY TIME I HEAR DINO LAUGH FDHFDHJDFHD gonna be bloated but hydrated af ngl

oh my gOD YOU WERE HERE SINCE 2012???? we're literally sick bestie <3 i genuinely think tumblr has changed something fundamental in me and my way of thinking has not been The Same as idk.. regular people ig JDSHJSDHJSD THE OFFLINE PEOPLE!! smth about tumblr is so <3 sick but also i love this hellsite so 😗 AND NOOO NOT THE MEMES FDHDFHJDF its my broken sense of humor and inability to convey emotions properly HHSDHJDSHJ

BUNNY HEADBAND DINO?????????????????????????????????????? honestly he'd bring me more harm than protection i'll say that much 😭

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 that genuinely made me feel so warm & fuzzy, i always look forward to your messages too <3 <3 <3 i hope u always have good days u deserve it for being such a sweetheart

WAIT HELLO???????????????????????? YOU'VE BEEN HERE FOR SO LONG THEN 😭😭😭😭😭 and im so impressed you didnt get weeded out ngl HFDHJFDHJFD icb you've been witnessing me going more ill everyday <3 ur a soldier

and u are partially correct abt mingyu & jh <3 at least during the time JSDJDSJKSDJK i think i've been desensitized to mingyu now but i still love him sm <3 he's just so cute and cutesy boys kinda infuriate me in an affectionate way so HJSDHJDSHJDSH