#I never get jelous. envious if I do NOT have the person I love | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thequietkid-moonie · 2 years ago

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How are shoko komi, Kae, Satou Matsuzaka, Naoko kirino, Shoya Ishida, Kaguya Shinomiya when they're jealous?

Jealousy Headcanons

[ Komi, Kae, Satou, Naoko, Ishida, Kaguya ]

[ Komi can't communicate ] [ Kiss him not me ] [ Happy Sugar Life ] [ Pumpkin Night ] [ A silent voice ] [ Kaguya-sama Love is War ]

I always find interesting seeing scenarios where the characters get jelous 🙊

I had some little troubles while writing this so i hope I did it right!

Shouko Komi

Since Shouko is really shy and anxious is difficult for her to relate to others and she is used to be lonely for this too, so, as much as she doesn't want to admit it, she gets rather jelous whenever she sees other people hanging out

But now that she have some friends and even a partner is rare for her to get jelous, is more common for her to get nervous but excited to try new things than feel jelous

Still, whenever she gets jelous over her partner is when someone gets too close to them, Shoko's partner is too important for her and she loves them with all her heart, so when someone start to get too close to them it make her feel uneasy

Although she can misunderstood the situations a lot of times, specially when she feels specially anxious (what it isn't too rare). Like, if she sees you smiling to someone from afar, even if you are doing it just to be polite she may think that you two are friends or something, or even that you enjoy that other person's company and that will make her insecure and a little jelous

Also, she normally doesn't understand the flirtation and that kind of stuff, so if is the case she sees someone making you uncomfortable, either for being flirty or being invasive she probably will think that the other person is threatening you or being rude to you, in that case she panics

Then again, she probably will be jealous just in the cases that she sees you having fun doing things that she will not dare to do out of her shyness and anxiety

And whenever she gets jealous is pretty obvious that it affect her since she is noticeably down and even too distracted, to busy on her own thoughts to pay attention to anything or anyone else

But she isn't going to say anything about it, you are free to spend time to your other friends too, she doesn't want to stop you from doing things you love, things that she can't do, and she will never blame you for her feeling like that and she isn't going to make you make it up for her either

If you comfront her about it, asking her if everything is alright she will try to brush it off as nothing, even when she is obviously down, you will have to insist for her to open up about her jealousy (and she will be embarrased for it), if you comfort her it will make her feel a lot better

Kae Serinuma

Kae is someone who normally doesn't get involved into romantic stuff until she started a relationship with you, she is so inmerse in her own world that she normally doesn't pay much attention on the rest of the world so she isn't easy to get jealous

She is almost all the time so distracted by the things she love that she doesn't pay attention to other people, so if someone were flirting with you or being a little too friendly with you she won't notice it, or at least not right away

At the same time, whenever she gets jealous she doesn't really notice it, specially when she is feeling it just a little. Maybe she start feeling uneasy or a little uncomfortable, feeling mad or envious of the other person, either way she won't realice that is jealousy what she is feeling until one of her friends (or even you) tell her

Then again it isn't easy to make her jealous but what make her feel that way is more especific cases, like if you are being affectionate with someone or someone else with you, that makes her a little jealous, but normally not in the very moment, is pretty normal for friends to treat each other like that but if this persists for a long time it start to make her uncomfortable

Something that makes her pretty jealous is whenever it happen something "romantic" or cheesy to you with someone else, but she's basing herself on the anime shojo for this, so is mainly when something common on the shoujos (or bl) happen to you when she gets jealous, even if it was an accident or you just laugh at it

Kae handle her jealousy in a pretty inocent and childish way, she isn't going to comfront you about it directly, she isn't exactly making a big deal out of it, or at least not in a obvious way, she will be pouty and grumble for it for a while

The more jealous she was the more intense her reaction will be, but then again it doesn't go far from ranting angrily about what happened to her friends, and after she expresses all her frustration and calm down she start to feel sad about it, that is when she start to get envious, now admiting that in reallity she will like to try it with you too

When she is still frustrated is more probably that she will say what she feel when you ask her, but when she had calm down it would be rare if she express it directly since in that moment she feels more embarrassed for it

Satou Matsuzaka

Satou is always sweet and affectionate with her partner, clinging to them every chance she have and she express nothing more than love for them, although is rather easy to make her jelous, she hates when people get to close to you or in the way of your relationship

However, is really easy to calm her down too, the thing is that you are the only person who can calm her down. It would depend a lot on the situation and the other person to how she will react too

The most that put her jealous is when people get to close to you, touching you, openly flirting with you or you putting more attention to others than her, it gives her a bitter taste that she hates and she doesn't handle it well

She doesn't like when people get too close to you, fearing that they will take you away from her, however she isn't going to stop you from interact with others, for that she likes to know your friends and family and make sure they aren't going to try something weird against you

She doesn't like too much when you pay much attention to others, again if is to friends or family (that she already know) she will be more calm but still pout and demand more attention when you are finally free from whatever you were doing. But if you are paying attention to someone strange she won't take it too good, keeping an eye on that person to make sure they aren't going to hurt you or try to steal you from her, maybe even scaring them in the process

Satou normally doesn't confront people directly or right away unless they are being invasive or mean to you, she can keep calm if the person isn't trying something funny, but the moment their touches or words stop being friendly and start being more vulgar or invasive, or even when she sees the smallest hint of discomfort on you she step in and confront the person

When Satou is jealous she could be pretty dangerous since she can get pretty agressive, but it would depend on how angry she is, passing from just a threaten to directly hurting them. But she will never get aggresive to you, is always towards the other person since she can't bare the thought of something happening to you

You are the only person that can calm her down on this situation, even when she is furious she can't just say not to you, so she will hear you when you try to calm her, and if you seem upset or angry at her for her reaction she panics, the last thing she wants is to make you mad or upsed so she will try everything she can think on to apologize to you

You just have to reasure her that you love her and only her, and with some affection she will calm down, but the more she was angry the more you will have to insist, it isn't because she doubt you but because she felt threatened for the other person

Naoko Kirino

Naoko isn't insecure at all, she is confidence in herself and in your relationship, it doesn't matter if you are more shy/introvert or more bubbly and extrovert, she isn't easy to get jealous

She is already extrovert and very playfuly in her own way, and even if she doesn't have many friends she totally undestand if you are open or even affectionate with your friends

It bother her when other person try to flirt with you, she doesn't mind it much when is suble, but the more that person persist the more Naoko gets annoyed (specially if one of you had already made clear that the two of you are together)

And she doesn't have a problem with going against the person is bothering her, she isn't going the use violence but she will scare the hell of that person, she is already seen as a weirdo so she could take advantage of that

What could actually make her jealous is if she sees you being interested in someone else, it doesn't have to be in a romantic way, maybe is just someone really atractive or someone interesting, or even someone you admire, it make her jealous that you are paying so much attention to that other person even when she is with you

Although she normally let you do it, she won't stop you from being excited even when it make her jealous, not until it reach the point that she is really annoyed for it and when you are barely paying attention to her

And in that point she will really confront you, expressing her jealousy and even ask if you prefer that other person, she always get rather dramatic when confronting you but is always in a playful manner, at the end you two just end laughing at the whole situation (but that doesn't mean she won't make you make it up for her

Shoya Ishida

For Ishida any kind of relationship is difficult, he had pass so much time lonely that he gets troubles to relate to people, so he more than feel jealousy he feels insecure

He loves being on a relationship with you, but he can't help and doubt himself, specially when you seem to be having fun with others. Ishida isn't the kind of person to blame you or other whenever he feels jelous, but he could feel guilty and selfish when he does it

You can tell that he is feeling jelous or insecure by the expression in his face, but if you ask him he will try to deny it and brush it off, he normally doesn't confront the other person or you and prefer to keep his feelings to himself (you will have to insist for him to open up about them to you) and the only time he step in is when the person it getting invasive with you and it makes you uncomfortable

What mostly make him jealous is seeing you having fun with others, he likes seeing you happy but he can't help but wonder if you are that happy whenever you hang out with him, it makes him jealous seeing you so happy, seeing you laugh so much, seeing you hang out with your friends and that everything happens so naturaly

He had wonder what it means being a friend some time ago and seeing you with your friends makes him doubt himself again (he will never blame you or take it out against you though), he feels insecure and doubt if you are really happy by his side, and even if you had fun when you are with him, he still wonder and makes him feel anxious, and if you stop whatever you were doing for being worried for him Ishida will feel really bad for it (but at the same time feels some relief that you still think on him)

Other thing that make him jelous is if you are affectionate with your friends (or them with you), he says that he doesn't mind, is just the way all of you are after all, but still he feels uneasy whenever one of your friends get rather affectionate with you, even if is in a playful manner, he isn't the most affectionate person because he is shy and insecure, thinking that he better shouldn't do it and seeing you doing it so naturaly makes him jealous

He tend to compare himself with the person he is jelous of, but he tries to hide it and just keep it to him, not wanting to bother you with it, he feel embarrassed for feeling jelous but at the end it would help if you comfort him and reasure him that you still love him

Kaguya Shinomiya

Kaguya craves for affection and since she is rather prideful it take her a long time to even accept her own feelings for you, is rather easy to make her jealous even before you two start dating

Kaguya hates whenever someone gets on the way of your relationship or when someone gets too close to you, the only thought of you being with someone else make her mad (but it isn't like she will get mad for all the interactions you have with others)

She thinks rather high of the two of you so she doesn't think that you will fall so easily for anyone, but that doesn't stop her for getting jelous

What make her specially jealous is either you paying too much attention to someone else or people getting too close to you, like directly touching you or even flirting (but she tries to stay calm when is your friends who do it)

When you two are already on a relationship it make her feel more confidence on your relationship and she even brag in her mind about how you won't leave her for just some fools

Also, she isn't exactly going to confront the other person, or at least not directly that's not what a proper lady would do after all, she is super smart and have a lot of confidence in herself so it won't be difficult for her to come up with a plan to take care of whoever is making her jealous, and she could be really intimidating when she wants to so that will also be in her favor

Then again, whenever is about someone she already knows (like a friend or someone from your family) she just goes easy on them, mainly steping in and politly come up with an excuse for you to get away from there. But if the case is that the person is someone else, an stranger or someone you two barely know she could get more agressive

For how aggresive she can response to the situation it depends on how jealous and mad she is feeling, like if she just feel uneasy of how friendly you two treat each other she will just try to get you away from that person and monopolize your time for a while (until she feels better), but if the other person gets too close, invasive or even dare to flirt she will be more agressive to that person, going as far as discreetly threatening that person

Kaguya isn't someone who will blame you for making her jealous though, unless you had seem to don't mind or even enjoying how the other person were acting, in that case is better for you to apologize and maybe even make it up for her

However she will never exactly accept that she was jealous, she will try to came up with some excuses like how that kind of behavior was inappropriate or even vulgar, but she isn't really good at hidding her true feelings so it would be pretty obvious that she is jealous

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floxalopex · 4 years ago

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Why, to me, Adora didn't solve her trauma. Or at least, it was supposed to be only about that. Spoiler: anti Catradora and anti Glimbow. Please, this are just my opinions. Don't wish my death. These ships are canon anyways so yhhhh you won, ok? Everything is fine 🌈

Yh, I'm doing this very depressing, very akward and inappropriate post at last. With of course, a lot of self-centered story nobody wants to hear because I need examples to explain emotions. Hi.

So. I don't hate Catra. I vibe with her a lot. But I can't stand when people erase Adora's trauma saying Catra's was worse. Everyone has the right to experience their own sorrow. Pain is a subjective feeling.

I was always the Catra while my sister was the Adora. I was the nd who needed to go to the psychotherapist causing my family to spend money, not to mention other healt problems. My sister doesn't even wear glasses. I took three attempts to get a stupid car license and still have panic attacks when I need to drive. My sister is a talented pilot. I was more good at school than her, but she was always better at living. And you can't change that with anything.

Still, I never hated her. Nor was I jelous. I awlays loved her and will always do. We are very different but we balance eachother. You may think that she got it easy. She didn't.

My parents are amazing. And I love them, they never raised a hand on me. But it was hard. It's hard to love a kid everyone depicts as "creepy", "not normal". But they did.

I watched the episode with Catra and Adora's childhood flashback with my sister. We had goosebumps. Before that I believed I was the only one suffering, while in reality I wasn't. It's not easy being the "golden child", "the normal one" either. My sister was so used to being referred as "the non weird one" that she developed a very closed personalty. She is a ray of sunshine, always smiling, but she won't tell anyone if she is feeling bad. She has to be perfect. She has to be all right all the time. I tell her to open up, at least with me, but it's not easy.

Trauma can have many faces. And honestely I blame myself I lot for having caused this to her. If only my parents weren't so focused on me and my so many problems that started since the day I was born (so far I risked to die at least 4 times) they wouldn't have had so much stress. They would have focused more on my sister. We talked about this and she says it's not my fault and honestely after so many years I want to believe her.

Adora has a post traumatic response. She has a martyr syndrome so strong she even feels that sacrifing herself is the normal course of actions. "You deserve love too" means that you also deserve to be heard. Your feelings matter.

Now. *Sighs*. I don't hate Catra, but I don't like Catradora at all.

Another sad story.

I never liked in my life the troupe of the "best friends" who grow up togheter and are supposed to be soulmates. I don't believe in destiny. There's no superior order in life.

I know there are many cute and real stories of couples who start and end togheter. Honestely some years ago I would have felt envious of them, now I fell like the freest of birds.

I had a childhood friend. He was born exately 20 days before me and, since our mothers were best friends, those were the only days in our first 10 years of life we were apart. We grow up togheter like brothers. Of course (of course, because eh you know, hormons, not destiny or whatever) we ended up having a relationship when little.

I didn't have so many friends and he made sure of that. He isolated me from everyone. He was possessive and mean. He was aggressive and now that he is old he is even a racist, sovranist, fascist, sexist and lots of other amazing qualities.

He was my first good diagnosis. Cushing syndrome. So yh, even if I'm super short he is shorter than me due to the therapy he has to endure. (By the gods, I generally don't mind physical appereance, I've even recentely found out I'm panromantic so yh, I don't care about gender either... but dam, can I have a partner taller than me? It's not even difficult.) Honestely, sickness apart...he is not so very good looking. Neither was I when little, I was very chubby. With the difference that I still saw beauty in him, but he never did. He mocked me with his friends. He said things like "If I don't love you who ever would? I've known you for so long, that's the reason why I tolerate you". I always stood by his side when people bullied him for his frail body structure or because he couldn't swim (which in Sicily it's almost a disability). He never did the same for me.

We broke up badly. I wasn't the one who left him but anyways. We don't even say hello to eachother.

I know by some relatives of his (who adored me) that is he depressed and lonely now.

It's... hard. Not to care for him. I know I shouldn't, I don't even want to. But the sentiment is there. I was never enough for him while he was everything for me. I don't love him, I would say I even hate him (and to make me hate someone you really must work very hard). But...hate is an emotion too right?...the point is that he will forever be a part of me. Even if I wish we never met in the first place.

Anyways.

I don't have positive opinions on Glimbow either. I love Glimmer but dam she is possessive. I like Bow but he should have been more true with his feelings and not end up with her only to please her. Choose Sea Hawk or Perfuma.

In a childhood relationship platonic love, habit, hormons, friendship meld togheter in a ...peculiar way. But let's be honest, we change with aging. We are not mature, we are not sensitive enough. Polite enough when little. We are not aware enough.

I'm monogamus yes, but at least sexually speaking. In reality you should have experiences. Know other people to know yourself better.

It, again, may be my bad and traumatic relationship speaking. But said relationship never gave me positive personal growth. It was rather toxic.

Adora, dear. Humanity is not lost. But you can't save everyone. Not by risking your own happiness. Caring for somebody deeply and having sexual attraction for them...isn't enough. And you too Catra. Let it go, there are people out there (cough cough Scorpia) who can and will give you the world if only you let them. Give others a chance. Maybe you are not in love with a person, but with the memory and the idea you had of them. People change, it's not theirs or your fault.

People leave and you don't own them.

Lastly yes, I will put the Entrapdak tag. Really not for visibility, I have more feet than followers (no, I'm not an octopus monster) and honestely I don't give a fuck. (Yhh mean Floxy). I'm just here to say emberassing things and be a stupid fucking nerd.

*inhales*.

Entrapdak=the love of my life. The relationship between two adults. Two people who didn't know eachother and passed puberty (...Hordak baby, you there?) a LONG time ago.

Two people who reason with their minds and not entirely with their hormons. I'm clapping while typing.

No drama, no doubts. I could talk for hours but honestely this no sense is already a pain in the gut of everyone who reads so far.

#anti Catradora #anti Glimbow #Entrapdak #my love #Adora #baby #be more gentle with yourself

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arsenic-s · 4 years ago

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29/06/20

The thing is, for me its not enough being “normal” or “okay” or “healthy weight”. To me those are synnonims of fat. I want to be labeled as other things. Skinny, thin. I’ll never be happy. I love eating. I love being with my friends without being so hangry you get annoyed at everything, I like being at college without the feeling that Im gonna faint. I like not denying food, I love gummies... but I think I cant live my f life being a healthy weight... I just cant... i feel so inferior, I feel like im just one of those girls I criticized in my mind for their calories while Im having lunch with them. Im a horrible person. So insecure, jelous, envious... I broke... Since the thing with ny boyfriend happened and I got this ed I think all Im doing is going down. I wanna be normal... i wanna be loved... this ed separated me so much or my friends, cus i couldnt be arround them when they ate... i dont wanna be sick anymore...

#anorecca #stomachspo #ana #anoreccia #anorecic #anarexia #ana things #ana tips #not pro just using the tags #proana #pro mia #promia #ed community #ed thing #venting #thinspo #thinspiration #thisnpa

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youryuri-x · 3 years ago

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₍ᐢ. ̞.ᐢ₎ ʕ•̫͡•ʔ ₍ᐢ._.ᐢ₎ ᐢ..ᐢ

Today has been up and down

Up and down up and down. It hasn't stopped. Not since morning...all i wanted was for you to have the best birthday.for you to be happy on your birthday. I wished and I manifested. And I'm so so happy to hear have had the the happy birthday you deserve.

Aw you looked so cute today...your birthday sash that was completely adorable on you and odlysuited you really well...i thought you looked so so good in it...every day I look at you.

Hehe you really did look like 'the king of the day' , or whatever it said on that sash...

I take a moment (it many) to take in your beauty. I'm always shocked at how much of an immense amount of beauty you posses...its like every day your beauty gets more and more ethereal...

You always just radiate this aura that attracts me so much...whether it's through your beauty or through anything you do...its just wow.

And today your aura was such a beautiful one. It was almost like you were glowing with the birthday fever of happiness and excitement, and as soon as you were in my presence I felt it too.

Seeing your 15 year old self for the first time was....wow.i

was feeling pretty on edge so when you came over to me as calm and as loving and cuddly as ever it made me so happy. That you stiw had time for me on your special day...it was such a huge comfort for me that you still cared about me even though it was your day...your perfect your perfect your perfect...

I said happy birthday to you and then you said it back hehe. It was rly cute and gave off the kinda clumsy almost shy vibes.... I've never seen that vibe comimg from you before...or maybe it was just me that noticed that.

But yes the highlight of my day personally was that moment.when you came over to me excited and in a lil clumsy shy tizz, and I told you happy birthday and you said it back to me. That was one of the most cute things I've ever seen you do irl...i wanna hear you do it again....

The rest of that lesson, which was English went by.

I got the plesure of being able to look at my birthday boy being happy out of the corner of my eye while trying to write something down about lady macbeth or whatever.but ngl I was definitely more focused on you.

English is that lesson of the day where I can look at your side profile for 50 minutes streight. And I love your side profile just watching you talk to someone or look at the bird or my personal favourite thing to watch is you running your hands through your hair, and from the side I get the best veiw.

I swear most of what I do in English is watch you like your something very very interesting on the TV lol.

But your side profile...its like a ethereal painting of an angel...so beautiful...and also kinds hot at the same time...

But yes you are compleatly mesmerising to watch...so interesting...i physically can't take my eyes off you.

I try and look somewhere else but my eyes wonder their gazr to look back at you. And I don't blame them. Your beautiful so beautiful. My eyes just can't miss such beauty.theh are drawn to your beauty like a moth to a flame...

Sorry if I sound creepy...i probably am..its just that my eyes can't stop looking at you...

You make English lessons such a treat to my eyes..and to my imagination. My current favourite fantasy is of me biting your neck like some sort of vampire lol >~<

I can't help thinking it. Ik it probably sounds weird but your neck just seems to be calling me to take a lil bite.... (sorry im weird asf)

But then the bell rang desrupting my vampire ass fantasies and snapping me back into the real world where I needed to get to physics, and biting your neck unfortunately wasn't my main concern...

Pysics...

I got to the class sat down and..wellt thought about you ngl. Just in a general way. Panicked that everyone else had got you better stuff for your birthday, and that I haddnt done enough, since I was the one with the honour of being your girlfriend.

And I mean your basically a god so it's a pretty big honor...

I between these thoughts I was doing the actual work that needed doing, and turning round to cheak the clock despite having a watch on.

Anything to see a glimpse of you, the light of my life in a dull 50 minute gray morbidity that is also known as Pysics.

The main event in physics was when you walked to the front of the class, allowing my eyes to take in your whole immage. I basically held by breath and just focused on you till I started subconsciously fiddling with my stapler again and gazing at you, basically drooling under my mask and then...

I stapled my mf finger. Your mf beautiful self made me staple my finger. It diddnt really hurt, until it started pissing out blood. I put a plaster on it and it was fine, but it shows how much of a klutz I am, and also how much of a sucker for you I also am...

Then it was breaktime. I gave you your present, and told you not to open it in front of me. Ngl it was a selfish asf thing to say...i was really self conscious...beacuse I knew everyone had got you great presents, especially after you told me that naci had made such an effort for you...

[Ngl I envy naci. She what I want to look like. Be like. I mean she has my old best friend and knows you I should stop lol. But just if your ever reading this, I've been envious of her ever since I've first saw her. Life isn't fair why can't I look like her?! I swear you'd be with her if I wasn't there...shes just wow. I wanna me her yknow lol? 🥺😩😩]

But yes I was really self conscious, and feeling in my full on jelous moody people hate mood, especially for the people who you were friends with...

It was probably down to the 3 hours of sleep I'd been getting for the last week each night, and the fact I'd been on the edge. But I feel really bad for saying that... I should have just lrt you open them...

Ngl I wish I'd have been able to see you put on a smile when you opened it. Put on the bracelet I made for you...too late now, but ig this will be a lesson to future me...

I swear allot of the time I use these blogs for getting better. Like being better to you cuz I read through my mistakes and I try to be better. That's why I'm making a note of these things lol.

Then I went with Angel beacuse I knew if I stuck around I could be a harard, being a jelous sleep deprived slightly Yandere aspie girl, I just decided to remove myself, cuz I was feeling like a big angry self concous raincloud and wanted to stay out of your way to give you the best day possible lol.

So then it was biology a lesson of looking at your extreamly attractive back profile....

And half listening to miss heart go on about the heart, ofc. All i knew was my heart circulates my blood around my body for you. Cuz your the one who makes it beat. And you make it beat fast.

I was watching you..ehehe I sound creepy. I pretty much am ngl. Sorry...i don't wanna make you uncomfy but I csnt help it.

I usually see you and fin pissing about during bio, but this time you squeezed his thigh. It made me pretty angry. That you would do this in my full view. It made me god damn angry, ngl. I mf wanted to lean over the best and squeeze your thigh, just so you'd know I'd seen. But ofc I diddnt do that. I'm too introverted. Doesn't stop me from getting angry and kinda hurt about it.

I mean im usually pretty sensitive about stuff like that. When your too close to someone when you know I'm around, watching or could see it. I try and egnore it with you and Sam. I don't like being angry and sensitive, especially not to you.

But sometimes it feels like I need to set some boundaries. Cuz you clearly dont see that there are boundaries of getting a lil too close to someone in the full view of your jelous asf possessive gf!!

Despite her not saying a word about it ever to you, trying to hint it to you, hoping you'd look back on these times and realise how they make me feel you haven't stopped. Ngl it doesn't bother me in the long term at all. I've got used to it. I got used to it with Sam pretty quick. But I always feel a lil uneasy when your too close for comfort or too flirty with someone else where I can see it even if it is just for a joke.

It makes me more uncomfortable becuase then it's like wtf are you like behind my back? If you think it's ok to do that in front of me? Everytime I think about I start crying ngl tears and all. I like to think I'm special to you and get special treatment I have no idea tho.

Your a charming guy with little boundaries. I don't expect much loyalty...i don't need loyalty I just your affection and love . Sorry for mentioning this if you ever see this pls think over what I've said.

That type of stuff really hurts me. When you do it in front of my eyes the thought thya your doing worse behind my back, even if it isn't serious, even if it's just for a joke.

I'm a sensitive little shit in reality, and I actually cried over your Instagram post becuase my insecure selfish ass was getting uncomfortable abt the video of you and naci >~<

Idk it just diddnt sit right with me that you put it on your ig where I could see. Idk if your seeing what I mean. Put yourself in my shoes about it...

But yes sorry.

Bio ended at it was lunch. I tried sitting with the group and it drained me I needed dto be be somewhere else where I could sink into the world of my mind, and the way I do that is through tumblr. Making sense and note of the things in my head.

I sat by jake. We diddnt really talk there was no need neither us us wanted a conversation I just felt comfortable cuz I knew I wasn't comoleatly alone. Jake was there so I spent lunch manifesting you a happy birthday. Obsessing over you and getting jelous. Being pulled into short depressive random states

Thinking about you. Listening to a capella ariana grande until I felt selfish enough to crawl back into people territory, to get some attention. I wasn't quite on jakes level yet I still needed some degree of people. I pushed down all my negative emotions and watched you lie on the grass for a few minutes, before you went, left me and I cried, becuase my self worth had randomly dropped, and I was thinking about the whole thing I explained earlier. I put on a smile and no one noticed. It made me feel numb. But then I saw how much fun you were having and was happy for the rest of the day, had an emotional high during French cuz I knew you were happy and that's all that mattered.

It was end of the day and time to get on the bus. One of the busses had crashed into my grandads car, the embarrasment of the family (according to my mum) and everyone was talking abt it lol.

I talked to a year 9 who knew kally and ened up giving me a hot spot so I could text you. I heard you liked what I'd got you so I ended on a possitive note.

I did two hours studding with my mum and did an orp with you. I was a lil off then tho I'm so sorry. I'm selfish. So selfish. But I gotta tell you how I feel. I can't hold it in anymore. What I've explained here is the only thing I'll shit talk you for

But yes. I' You've had the birthday you deserve. The birthday you really deserve and it makes m e feel so happy that you've got that. You've finally seen how much you matter to people. How many friends you have. How many people like and love you and I'm so glad you've seen that. Seen the amazing person you are x

. Sorry for being a whiny bitch. In a way I almost hope you see this...

But yes for one last time happy birthday my love x

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